#there so much mistakes… god.. but i’m too tired and still proud of this

[deadsadmilk]

new style practice🫠

[alwaysonthemend]

A Lazy Night | JTK

Author’s Note: Request from bestie @iheartjakekiszka for a fluffy Jake fic. I made myself Very Sad with this one because soft Jakey makes me want to sob bc I can’t have him. Alas… Anyways, I hope you enjoy! Unbeta’d so apologies for any mistakes. Now please excuse me while I go drink wine and think soft Jake thoughts. 

Summary: Jake and the band have been working non stop on their new album. But, with a long weekend on the horizon, you decide to give Jake a night of relaxation and rest. Lord knows he needs it. 

Content Warnings: Literally none. Just fluff. 

Word Count: 1968 

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Meeting Jake Kiszka has been the best thing that ever happened to you. From the very first time you met him, you had immediately known that he was the one. There was something about him that drew you in, and there was no going back. 

Because of this, you couldn't help but to divide your life into two halves. There was Before Meeting Jake and After Meeting Jake. The before had been okay. You had a successful job – however boring it was, and you were happy. You’d had a handful of relationships – though few of them ever lasted long. But life was good. Boring, but good. And then Jake waltzed into your life. And only after did you ever realize how empty the before had been. Jake was your light, and you couldn’t fathom how you had ever managed without him in your life. He made falling in love easy. Jake had entered your heart quickly and made a home there. 

The only downside to being in a relationship with Jake was the distance. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder and you couldn’t agree more. While you're proud of Jake and the fame that he and Greta Van Fleet had acquired, you can’t help but miss him when he’s on tour and desperately wish that he would come home. But his time away only makes the times that he is home that much more special. 

Unfortunately, despite Jake not currently being on tour, it still felt like he was never home. The boys were busy putting together their new album, and so Jake was either at the studio with them or running around doing interviews and photoshoots. You got to see him at night, of course. But often, despite his tiredness, he would stay up much later than you to go work on his ideas for new songs. You had work in the morning and so – no matter how much you wanted to, you could rarely stay up late enough to fall asleep with him. 

Tonight was probably going to be one of those nights. It’s already 10 PM and Jake was only just walking through the door of your house, guitar case in hand and eyes excited but tired. 

“Hey, Jake.” You say, rising from your place on the couch to go and greet him. He places his guitar case on the ground and wraps his arms around you, squeezing tight. 

“Hey, babe. I missed you.” He nuzzles his face into your neck, pressing his nose unto your skin, eyes closed. You breathe in his scent, immediately taking comfort in the smell of vanilla and something else that you couldn't define as anything other than just “Jake.” 

“I missed you, too. You look tired.” You pull away from him, noting the tightness around his eyes and the tension in his shoulders. 

“I am. But it was a good day. We got a lot done, so me and the guys decided that we’d take the rest of the week off.” 

“Really? That’s awesome! And I’m off tomorrow anyways so we can have a whole three days to ourselves!” You exclaim, practically beaming with excitement. Jake gives you a soft smile, touched by your desire to spend time with him. 

“Thank God.” He says, walking over to the couch and collapsing into it. “I feel exhausted. I love working on music and we’re having a lot of fun. But holy shit…” He leans his head back on the back of the couch and closes his eyes. “I feel like I could sleep for ten years.” 

“You probably need to.” You tell him, walking over to the kitchen. “Did you eat already? I can fix you something if you’re hungry.” 

“Nah, I’m okay. I’m too tired to eat.” 

You tsk as you grab two wine glasses from the cabinet and grab a bottle of red wine from the counter. You pour yourself and Jake a generous amount. 

“That’s not very healthy, Jakey.” You say, walking back into the living room. 

“And wine is a better alternative?” He chuckles, taking the glass that you offer him to take a sip. 

“Better than nothing, I suppose.” You take a seat next to him, happy to just share the space with him. “So, tell me about the album? How’s it going?” 

He grins, his eyes lighting up. No matter how tired he is, he’s always excited to talk about music. 

“It’s great! I think we’re really making something special. It’s a little different from what we’ve done before, but I think the fans will like it.” He takes a thoughtful sip. “I think… It's just different enough that it’s fresh and exciting. But similar enough to Garden’s Gate that the fans will still like it. We’re trying to toe the line as much as we can – keep what’s worked in the past without getting repetitive, ya know?” 

You smile at his passion. Seeing the man you love get to do something he enjoys so much, with thousands of fans who adore him as much as you do – it’s an amazing feeling. 

“Whatever you guys do, I know it’s going to be amazing. You all are so talented. The fans will love it no matter what.”  

He finishes his glass of wine and places it on the coffee table. 

“Thank you, y/n.” He leans back onto the sofa and a grimace flickers across his face. It’s so fast you probably would have missed it had you not been studying his face so closely. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, babe,” He says, giving you a crooked grin. “My back is just a little sore. Spending a lot of time crouched over a guitar.” He laughs, but you recognize the tightness around his eyes to be pain, not just tiredness. You place your own glass on the table next to his and stand up, offering him your hand. 

“Come on.” 

“Where to?” He asks, already standing and taking your hand. 

“You’re gonna lay down and I’m going to give you a massage.” 

His eyes fill with a mischievous sparkle. 

“Not that kind of massage, Jake.” You scold, leading him up the stairs to your bedroom. “An actual message that will hopefully help your back.”

“Fine.” He sighs, smiling at you as you drag him to the bed. 

“Take your shirt off and then lay down on your stomach. I’m going to make it a little more comfortable in here..” 

“Yes ma’am.” Jake takes off his shoes and shirt and watches you as you move around, lighting the candles that you have scattered across the room. Jake sinks into the bed just as you turn off the overhead light, the only light now coming from the soft glow of the candles. 

“Y/n?” Jake asks as you walk into the bathroom to grab some lotion. 

“Yeah, babe?” 

You walk back into the bedroom to see Jake laying on his back, eyes soft as he looks at you.

“I should have eaten dinner like you said because I think that wine went straight to my head.” 

He giggles, and you notice the flush that’s overtaken his cheeks and chest. You just laugh and shake your head, taking a moment to admire him in the candle light. His hair is pulled back in a loose bun, with little wisps falling out and framing his face. It looks so soft and you want nothing more than to run your fingers through it. Your eyes move downwards, again noting the flush on his chest before your eyes find his soft stomach – no doubt your most favorite thing about him. If he wasn’t so tired and the mood was a little different you’d take the opportunity to bite him. Instead, you walk softly over to the side of the bed and nudge his shoulder. 

“Roll over on your stomach, baby. Just relax.” 

He complies, and you climb up onto the bed. You nudge his legs apart and you gently sink down and straddle his waist.. You squirt some lotion onto your hands and warm it up between your palms before splaying your hands out on his shoulder blades. Immediately, Jake lets out a sigh of relief and you can feel him relax further into the bed. You begin to message him, and you can clearly feel the knots in his upper back and shoulders. 

“Jesus, Jake. No wonder your back hurts.” You say, working your hands down his shoulders and kneading your fingerstips into his biceps. “You’re so tight back here.”

“I know.” He mumbles, voice muffled by the pillows. “It’s been hurting for a while but…” He trails off and sighs as you find a particularly tense knot in his back. 

“You should have said something and I could have helped you sooner, babe.” You say, sliding your hands down farther to his lower back. 

“Didn’t wanna bother you.” He says quietly. 

“Jake…” You say, reaching out to turn his head towards you. His chocolate eyes are glassy with sleep and wine. “That’s what I’m here for. I want to help you.” 

He gives you a lazy smile. 

“I know. But I still feel bad.” 

“Don’t ever feel bad. I love you. And I love helping you in any way I can.”

He huffs a laugh and lowers his face back down into the pillow. 

“I love you too, y/n. So much.” 

You continue your massage on his back, slowly but surely working out the knots and tension. You relish in the feeling of his skin underneath your hands. He’s warm and his scent is so comforting. You feel more at ease than you have in months. Eventually, you hear his soft snores and you rise carefully from his back. You pull the covers over him and take a moment to watch him. The tightness around his eyes is gone, replaced with a softness that you hadn’t seen in a while. His mouth is slightly parted, and his lips look so soft. It’s moments like this that make all of the absence worth it. One moment with Jake like this is worth all the hours of missing him. You’re overcome with a feeling of complete unworthiness. You can’t believe a man like this has fallen in love with you. Of all the people in the world, it’s you that he allows himself to be this vulnerable around. You feel like if you think about it too long you might cry so you shake your head and begin to quietly walk around your bedroom to blow out all the candles. Jake doesn’t stir as you walk to the bathroom to put the lotion away. You walk as quietly as possible back to the bed and crawl in next to him, pressing your back to him and closing your eyes. 

‘Mmmm.” He mumbles, cracking his eyes open. “y/n?” 

“Go back to sleep, Jakey.” You whisper. 

He mumbles something unintelligible before rolling onto his side to face you and slinging his arm around your waist. He pulls you tight against his chest and presses his face into your hair, breathing in deeply. 

“Don’t deserve you.” He whispers. 

“You deserve the world, rockstar.” You’re met with nothing but his soft snores. 

You smile and close your eyes. 

[specialagentlokitty]

Chim x reader - family trouble

Hi Can you write something with Chim being a father figure for reader. So when reader has a fight with her parents she drives to Chim for comfort. Thanks - Anon 💜

It was supposed to be a nice family dinner at your parents house, but that was apparently too much to ask for because the moment you walked through the door it went downhill.

“Why don’t you get a real job?” Your dad asked.

“I do have a real job? I’m a firefighter?” You asked confused.

“Nobody will ever want to settle down with a firefighter darling, you know this.” Your mom said.

You turned to her.

“And? I don’t want to settle down. I’m still young, I’ve just graduated to become a fully qualified firefighter.”

“And you’re still young. You can get a different job.” She said.

“I don’t want a different job mom. I dropped out of university because it wasn’t for me, I love my squad and I love my job.”

“But it’s not a job for you.” Your dad said.

You set your cutlery down and looked at him.

“Excuse me?”

“You’re just getting out of your rebellious phase, you’ll soon realise you’re better suited to a different job. Maybe a lawyer or doctor, you’ve got the training for it.”

“Right because that’s what this is really about right?”

You pushed your plate away from you and both of your parents looked at you.

“Because it’s always been about what job YOU wanted me to do, not what I wanted to do. You can’t stand the fact that I’m not following your little path like the others.”

“We are proud of your siblings.” Your mom said.

You stood up, pushing your chair back as you stepped away from the table.

“But you can’t be proud of me right? You can never be proud of me until I follow your stupid little dreams for me.”

You scoffed a little and shook your head.

“I don’t even know why I came here, it’s always the same, I guess I thought you’d changed but I suppose not.”

“We’re trying to make sure you’re safe!” Your father snapped.

“You’re trying to make sure I don’t disappoint you!” You yelled.

“Don’t you speak to him like that!”

You glared at your mom.

“I’m tired of how you treat me! Always asking what I did wrong when I know I did nothing wrong!”

“You’re making a mistake!” Your mom snapped.

“No! I’m no! A mistake was me coming here thinking my own god damn parents actually cared for me!”

The room fell silent.

“Apologise now.” Your dad said.

“Right because it’s always my fault! I guess I’m a disappointment then! I’m not going to say sorry for anything because I’ve done nothing wrong! I’m tired of trying to live up to your expectations for me!”

“We’re trying to help you!”

“You’re trying to force me to be your little puppet! You don’t want to make this work, you just want me to blindly follow you, and you want me to apologise for who I am! Well I’m not! Every time I talk to you both I feel like it’s all you ever do is blame everything on me!”

You stormed away and grabbed your coat, and you pulled it on.

“Don’t walk away!” Your mom yelled.

“Why not?! That’s what you want right? Me to leave? Well fine, I’m going! I know I’ll never be the perfect daughter you wanted me to be!”

With that you stormed out and slammed the door shut, getting in your car you began to aimlessly drive around.

You spent around two hours just driving around until you finally found yourself in front of a familiar apartment complex.

Parking your car, you got out and you stared up at the building before you finally made your way inside and up to the apartment you were looking for.

Knocking on the door you waited.

“Fastest food delivery ever.”

Chim stared at you and you stared at him with tears in your eyes.

“Come here.”

He ushered you inside and closed the door, and he pulled you in for a hug.

“I don’t know what I’m doing wrong…” you cried softly.

“What do you mean? What’s going on?”

Chim lead you over to his couch and he sat you down, and he looked at you.

You explained everything that had happened over dinner and when you were done you laughed bitterly.

“I guess I shouldn’t have expected anything less…”

You sniffled a bit, wiping some of your tears.

“They’re always going to see me as a disappointment… maybe I am…”

“Hey, don’t you dare talk like that. Don’t you dare call yourself that ever again.” He said sternly.

You looked at him.

“You’re not a disappointment, you’re far from it. You’re young and you’re protecting everybody out there, you’re the youngest member of the 118 and you should be so freaking proud of yourself!”

You sniffled a little bit and Chim laughed softly, holding his arm out.

“Come here kiddo.”

You shuffled over and leant into him, letting him hug you.

“You’re a great kid, okay? If I had a kid like you I’d be so proud of them.”

You sniffled a little and sighed softly.

“I want you to be my dad instead.”

“I think I’m a little to young to have a daughter in her 20s.” He chuckled.

Chim placed his hand on your head and smoothed his hand over your hair.

“Forget what they think about you, just know that we’re all proud of you okay? I’m proud of you, and you’re never going to be a disappointment to me.”

“Thanks Chim…”

He smiled and pat your head a few times.

“Now, how about some family bonding time? Games and food I ordered pizza.”

“Can I just stay here for a minute?”

“Stay here as long as you want kiddo.”

Chim kicked his feet up on the table and he held you.

Chim had somewhere along the lines of working with you adopted you as his responsibility, his child. Just like Bobby did with Buck, you were Chim’s kid, and he hated seeing you like this.

He knew you saw him as a father figure, and at first he wasn’t sure what to do but now he knew what he had to do.

He had to pick up where your parents had failed, and he had to show you the love and care that you deserve

[patchiko]

What are your thoughts on Jason from Three Jokers?

particularly for me, his emotional dependence is so big just because he confused things with the Barbara

3 JOKERS SPOILERS !

tldr; i ramble a little abt how i hate modern Jason fucking Todd and highlight how much justice this comic did for him

and how modern writers are just trying to turn him into a batfam insert of deadpool

Yes! I dont think Jason had 100% feelings for Babs, like he said, he thought it could work. It definitely came from a moment of weakness/vulnerability, its often that Jason doesn’t get cared for too often, not in the way he needs. So when Babs let out a hand for him, it hit him HARD. Especially with just being traumatized by the last two jokers, I think its pretty obvious he doesn’t need someone to clean up/watch after him but like need someone to generally emotionally guide him.

my personal pet peeve with most modern Jason Todd canon ships is the laziness of it(b4 i get criticized i think ANY ship with ANY CHARACTERS can be good as long as the writings GOOD and makes SENSE) . GOD NO- i dont ship jason and babs, but they still put an odd amount of effort into it, to at the very least actually flesh out their characters.

Jason doesn’t need a character that fixes his mistakes when he’s overly impulsive, or babies him, or fixes his mistakes with a veil of ‘Your so dumb but i secretly care about you!‘ because then it leads to most of lazy writing where he does something stupid but his gf is here to fix it! so its ok! NO!! HES NOT LEARNING ANYTHING!! YOURE MAKING HIM LOOK STUPID AND MENTALLY BRAIN DEAD!! anyways sorry.

Jason needs someone to break him out of his cycle of impulsiveness and self-destruction, not have him indulge in it.Jason needs to go fucking soul-searching or something im so tired of his ass— REALISTICALLY I COULDN’T DATE COMIC!JASON IF HE DIDNT CHANGE,, HE WOULD FRUSTRATE ME RLLY BAD.

ahem. anyways. I think Jasons note shows a lot about his character and something that the modern writers ignore a lot. Jason CAN change, he just needs a reason, a solid reason to. He doesn’t have to put down his code, or the guns, he just needs someone solid to really make him think about himself. “All I need is one chance to you I can be better. And I will devote my life to making you proud. Happy. Loved.” WHERE IS THIS SWEETHEART RN?? I SWEAR EVERY OTHER WRITER IS MAKING HIM A EMO FUCK-BOY WHOS BRAIN MATTER GOT SUCKED OUT THROUGH HIS COCK?? ahem sorry.

I really love how much DC actually puts details into Jason in this comic. Ex. Jasons helmets abilities being highlighted, “Helmets registering multiple security doors opening across the facility.” OR him saying the chronic pain management book was helpful. SORRY— I REALLY ENJOY DETAILS LIKE THIS. It just makes Jasons technical skill and such more obvious then whats normally stated. Also Jason tracking sea water off a wrench to the Aquarium— where is this skill in more modern comics?? I swear they make Jason a braindead wannabe deadpool sometimes i swear to fucking god. Also him shooting the shark tank so it eats Gaggy— I DIE FOR DETAILS LIKE THIS.

They don’t even get rid of his humor in 3 jokers either, he still has a really well displayed personality and his banter with Batman is really bearable for once, it makes sense and its well written. I slightly dislike how hard Babs is being on Jason but i���m not 100% sure what Babs is like. I haven’t read comics centered around her, so I don’t mind it. Also dont mistake this for me disliking babs for rejecting Jay— thats not what i mean at all. Just her constantly saying how he’s a criminal and focusing on getting him in prison like he’s an opp was confusing 2 me..

anyways stop trying to turn red hood into the batfams deadpool challenge!!

inbox is open 2 yap or requests sum!!

[willowve01]

Lillian Fellowes

(Journal entry style and the mention of a certain Gator-man? 👀)

Hello, I’m Lillian, though I’d prefer if you called me Lily. I was born in Aakhan, the second eldest of three. I have an older brother and younger sister– who you’d know as Jane Williams if we’re talking in the present tense. My brother–well, we haven't talked in a long while. His name was Clinton Kingly.

During my teen years–I’d say seventeen–I was a bounty hunter, my brother and I. Hunting half bloods was never my forte nor passion, it's one of my greatest regrets actually. I’d admit, I’ve both done and took part in things I’m certainly not proud of.

Just between you and me: I had let one go. Not part of the hunter-code, I know, but I couldn’t stand the look on his face. He was one of those gator-folk that lived in the swamps; looking no older than me when I had come across him that morning. His foot caught in one of the many traps hidden within the swamps; tired and shaky from the shock. I just… I couldn’t do it, so I let him go.

Perhaps that’s what led to the argument. Maybe that’s what drove you away brother.. maybe that’s why you never met your niece. My darling baby girl. Just a few years after Clinton had left Jane and I, I had married a man. His name was David Fellowes.

A young man from the city of Montell who was looking for a place to stay. Jane didn’t like him too much, it was almost amusing. Snapping at the newbie during his stay at our family’s Inn, all the while teaching him some proper housekeeping and mannerisms. Perhaps the folks in Montell aren’t as kind as they were down here in Aakhan?

Eventually however, he had captured my heart like I had long ago. We had married and I had gotten pregnant with my first not long after. I remember some night after Raine was born, she’d wake crying when we slept alone in David and I’d shared bed. I’d hold her little head close to my face, my nose nuzzled against her plush little face as she fell silent. Moments I wished David could witness, but late nights working in the tavern took him from us some nights.

Then— something had happened, shortly after she had turned five and I was expecting my second. I had taken Raine with me to assist Jane with moving into her new house with her new husband, Bill. I wasn’t allowed to do much or Jane would practically beat me with a stick over picking anything up. I felt bad, neither Bill nor I were allowed to help her due to my pregnancy and his bad leg. That’s when it happened. When Raine managed to slide the big ol’ dinner table across the room without a single struggle.

It was odd at the time, but then it became harder to ignore. Like the time she had lifted a stone over her head from the creek or any heavy object a child her age certainly shouldn’t move without even the slightest assistance. I was a little worried for a time, but maybe— I thought maybe, she was just special. And she was— she is. Both of my girls have grown strong besides the struggles we’re facing.. stronger than me..

I’m 31 now, Raine: 12, and my little Lynn only 7. I can feel myself getting weaker as the days go on. David growing angrier, Lynn scared yet innocent and Raine still standing strong. I can’t help but admire her for that. Such a young mind, so easy to break or manipulate yet she’s stronger than the rest of them. Not only physically but mentally too.

The gods knew what they were doing when they gifted me her, but I couldn’t live up the expectations of a mother. Not with the mistake I made..

[llixulia]

Nyxalius slithered into the Vor’iek graveyard. No matter how much the nobles wanted to make distinctions in life between them and the hybrids, most ended in the same place in death. Here.

He was searching for a specific grave today though. Yihla’s. Hyperion’s daughter, Sharcai's mother and his own son’s mate. He sat next to it, silent, in his fleshed out and armored self, and waited.

“Oh. I… I didn't know someone else came to pay their respects to her.”-said a male voice.

Kailgraesh. Nyxalius looked at him and nodded. “She was a nice female who helped a lot of people. It's the least I can do.”

“You knew her, then.”

Nyxalius hummed his agreement. “We crossed paths sometimes, especially when people's lives were in danger. She was a great healer. Saved many from Death himself.”

"She did." Kailgraesh tilted his head. “You say it like you know him.”

Nyxalius closed his eyes. “That's because I do.”

Kailgraesh blinked. “You do? What is he like?”

“Yes. Despite being a god, he’s… He's flawed. He made mistakes in the past that still haunt him nowadays.” He looked at him. “Like never telling his son he's his father and how sorry he is he wasn't there for him. Like telling his son he's sorry he didn't stop his mother from doing what she's been doing for decades, for being afraid of doing so because of the consequences that might have. For what he will do next, which might mean her death as well. He knows he doesn't deserve forgiveness.”

He took a deep breath. “He’s sorry for not telling his son his child didn't die in that horrible spaceship crash where his mate died.”

Kailgraesh’s wings tensed and he looked at him with his eyes wide in shock. “You… What? But… my father is missed in action?”

Nyxalius shook his head. “Your adoptive father is dead. Sheekara killed him. Your real father is right in front of you.”

“That's bullshit! Even if it's true, what, you expect me to be happy and like “oh yay, I have a father!”? After all I’ve lived through? After what she's done, to me and so many others? To my mate? To the hybrids? Why? Why didn't you ever tell me? Why wait until now?”

Nyxalius’ voice broke. “No… I know I don't deserve anything.” He explained everything to Kailgraesh. About the deal. About how he’d failed Sheekara, Yihla, the hybrids, him, and how he’d kept hidden that he knew Kailgraesh was his son for fear of other gods hurting him.

“I don't expect you to forgive me. I know I don't deserve it. But I… I’m breaking my mating bond with your mother. I’m tired of pretending she can be redeemed. There's nothing left of the person I fell in love with, and she's using me as a meat shield. Things have to change in Llixulia. This is a good start, even if it means she and I will probably die. If we do, our powers will go to you.”

He stood up and took a deep breath. “I know my opinion will not mean much to you, but I want you to know I’m proud of you, of the man you’ve become despite everything. I’m sorry, son. I hope one day you can forgive me.”

Kailgraesh stared at him. He would be getting their powers? Bullshit. It couldn't be true. This Vor'iek... god? couldn't be his father. It had to be a joke... Right? But what if it was true? “...What you said before. Is it true? Sharcai lives?”

“I haven't claimed his soul. He lives.”

"If that's true..." Tears appeared in Kailgraesh's eyes. “All this time… All this time… and I didn't know for sure. I had a hunch, but now it’s confirmed. He lives. I have to find him, I-”

"Shekara can't find out the truth, you hear me? Or he will be in danger too."

"I'm aware." Kailgraesh paused. He could do that. He knew how to protect his mind from his mother... especially now that he knew who Nyxalius was. “This changes nothing between us.” Yihla would have wanted him to listen, and that was the only reason he had so far. Now though... He had things to do.

He nodded. “I know. Farewell... son."-he said, dissolving into mist.

[farfromstrange]

Foreigner's God: Chapter 18

Main Masterlist

Pairing: Matt Murdock x OFC

Chapter Summary: She’s tired and overwhelmed and just doesn’t understand why Matt isn’t angry at her – she’s a bad person, right? She has to be. Or in simpler words, Eliza struggles and Matt is there to pick up the pieces. He always is.

Other characters: Happy Hogan & Claire

Warnings: angst, so much angst ouch, mentions of minor character deaths, mentions of suicide, depression, making Matt see (yes, that’s a warning), fluff, non-sexual intimacy

Word Count:

A/n: I just watched my policeman and I’m in shambles, so I did cry while rewriting this… this is entirely self-indulgent. We all need Matt in our lives. I think I’m not the only one who identifies with that one speech in this chapter, and I hope it offers you the same comfort it did me when I wrote this. Take care of yourselves <3

Read Chapter 18: Anti-Hero here on AO3!

18+ MINORS DNI

It was long past ten in the evening. There wasn’t much Eliza could do; she was chained to Matt’s apartment, flinching at every loud sound coming in from the outside.

The past day had been quite busy and what happened between her and Matt somehow managed to push away all of the thoughts about the government declaring her a national fugitive. She didn’t receive any word from anyone, not that she expected them to after disappearing from the earth’s surface, but it still hurt. Tony refused to make a statement, as did Stark Industries. No one was trying to dispute the rumors and no one was delivering evidence either. The accusations were hearsay, but somehow it seemed like the world knew better. She was the bad guy. They had just been looking for a proper reason to lock her up. 

Eliza watched the news footage on her laptop repeatedly. Foggy fell asleep on the couch after they shared some Indian food from the place around the corner and Matt told her he was going to take a shower. She was alone. The silence found its cruel way into her mind, allowing the thoughts to spiral. 

Her bottom lip trembled. She looked terrifying. The red eyes, the hands - she didn’t recognize herself. She didn’t recognize the swell of pride and the desperate hunger for power that consumed her. It wasn’t enough, not nearly so. Part of her regretted it, watching the events go down over and over again, but another part was burning with anger. She was angry that it wasn’t enough, angry that she was being caged like an animal for being herself. She was angry that Hydra wanted her, that they were seeking her out because they realized their mistakes too late. And she was angry that despite all of that, the selfishness and the danger transmitting from her, Matt didn’t seem to find a single bone in his body to care. 

She was an abomination. She was dangerous, a ticking time bomb, a danger to be contained. She was responsible for what happened, even without having touched that bomb. People died because of her; because Hydra wanted her.

The public needed to know what Tony did by allowing her to become an Avenger. They needed to see the rabbit hole her mere existence caused her to fall into, and she had dragged too many people down with her in the process. At what cost?

She chose to stay hidden, but it would only get worse. Hydra would raise hell and it would be her fault, and all the while Tony would sit back and wait for the government to ruin everything she worked for in the past couple of days. But she deserved to be locked up. She deserved to be contained. It was a necessary sacrifice. 

Eliza toyed with the thought of surrendering herself, but she was too proud and too angry to give the reins over to Tony, and the entire thing was too dangerous for Matt alone to handle. If she left, he would die, and so would Foggy. If those two died, Karen would follow shortly after. Though Wilson Fisk himself was more than determined to destroy her before everyone else just to spite his nemesis – Matt. 

Perhaps surrendering herself was the best and wisest choice, after all. She had to stop. Tony said it first. He knew better from the start and while that bastard was annoying and a liar, he had a point. People died. She had blood on her hands. She wasn’t strong enough for this. There was no way this was going to end in her favor.

When Matt came out of the bathroom, not yet showered, but only half dressed because he forgot to get himself a towel, he felt her presence on the bed. She was sitting with her legs crossed, staring out of the window. Salt hung in the air, unshed tears glossing over her eyes. Her heart was beating out of her chest, racing with the way her thoughts worked. 

The rain kept falling against the window. Her leg bounced to the rhythm of the sky’s sobs. She tried to keep hers at bay, but staring at the outside world, well aware of the cages around her, loosened the cork that was keeping her together. The Billboard had stopped showing her face every two seconds, which was nice. The main color that night was blue, the same color she would have assigned herself if she had been a stranger trying to figure out her emotions. She didn’t quite understand what was happening, but empathy hardly mattered anymore. Seeing colors was just a byproduct of something more serious, and it felt as if she had lost control over the only thing she had ever been in control of. 

“Are you okay?” he asked, and she jumped at the sound of his voice in the usually so quiet apartment. 

She smiled. She tried to lie to him. “Yes,” she said, but he wasn’t buying it. 

“You sure? You’ve been staring out there for the past hour.”

Had it really been that long?

“You’re watching the news.” He moved over to touch her laptop. The charger was hot and the device itself roared due to its age. He shut the screen, much to her dismay, placing it on the nightstand.

“I still need that,” she grumbled.

“Stop torturing yourself,” he said. His back muscles moved as he searched through his closet for a towel. “No more internet for you today.”

Eliza scoffed, it was bitter. “I’m just facing the truth.”

“What truth? They’re lying. You’re not a monster and you’re not dangerous. If anything, it’s slander. We could sue, you know. When all of this is over, we could drag everyone who accused you of murdering those people through the mud. By the time I’m done with taking them apart with every legal strategy I have, they’re gonna be the center of attention, not you.”

“I broke the Accords,” the first tear hit the floor, “I did. I hurt those people. I might not have been holding the trigger, but that bomb was meant for me and it killed a baby. A baby, Matt.”

“You couldn’t have known.”

“I knew that baby. His name was James. He was so tiny. They were my neighbors, and I got to meet him because I’m a good person who likes babies. You know what a good person who likes babies does?” She raised her eyebrows. “They watch out for them, they don’t kill them.”

“Hey,” he said, firm yet soft at the same time.

“Don’t act like any of this still makes me a good person! It doesn’t. That baby died because of me. My neighbors- I watched them try for one for years and now they’re just gone. You don’t get to call me a good person after what happened because of me !”

“Don’t yell at me,” and when she exhaled loudly in the course of her frustration, he made sure to add, “Fisk blew up that block. Hydra tried to kidnap you. Everyone is after you, trying to make you look like you’re the bad guy. They want you to feel that way. They want you to break, to cave, to lose control. They want you to be this…” As if he could see it, he pointed outside at the same time her face flashed across the screen, “Because they want to ruin you. It does not make you a bad person, so stop saying that! Don’t give them what they want, Eliza. Don’t.”

She wasn’t listening. His words hit deaf ears. It wasn’t pretense. In the heat of her emotions, she truly didn’t hear a word he said. Her brain pushed them far away, somewhere she couldn’t find them again. 

“I’m a baby killer,” she said. 

“What? No!”

“I’m the reason all of this is happening. You know, maybe they’re right. Maybe I should be locked up, maybe I should be sentenced. Having me off the streets would mean fewer casualties. If I had never gone after them if I had listened to Tony and allowed him to keep lying to me… I- none of this would have happened. The families in that building would still be alive.”

Matt knelt in front of her. “Stop.”

“I can’t, don’t you get that? I never know when to stop. I always want and want and want, and if I don’t get what I want, I find ways to get it anyway, but when I do, people get hurt. People always get hurt. It’s me we’re talking about. People around me die or disappear all the time.”

“That’s not true. What happened to your friends wasn’t your fault.”

“Don’t drag them into this.”

“But that’s what you mean, right? Berlin, the Avengers, your friends running from the law. You think it’s your fault all of that happened because you weren’t strong enough to stop it,” he said. “You’re projecting.”

“How is that projecting? It’s the truth! I could have tried harder to keep them here. I could have tried harder to stop them from running, to sort it out. I mean, it was my job and I failed. Now people are dead because once again, I failed to do my fucking job. I’m the problem.”

He shook his head. “Stop it.”

“If I surrender myself now, Tony could fix this. I could just ignore who I am and all of this would go away. I could just stop being this… person. I could stop trying to be who I was born to be because chances are it’s all a lie anyway and just accept that I’m nothing but an empath whose mind is just a little more fucked up than others. I should surrender myself. It’s the only right choice.”

“And all the deaths would have been for nothing,” he said. 

She glared at him. “Innocent people died, Matt. Innocent people .”

“You’re right, those people were innocent,” he tugged at her thighs to pull her closer, “But so are you. You are the victim here.”

“No, you’re not listening. I’m not… I’m the problem that caused all of this in the first place. I am.”

“No, you’re not. You’re not the problem, Hydra is. The world is.” His thumb started drawing circles on her thigh. She shied away from his touch, mortified that he was still willing to see her in a better light.

“N-no.” The hick-up made her choke. “I keep seeing things, y’know, like some psycho? And she says it’s my fault too. She says I’m the problem, not the solution.”

In the corner, her double stared at her in disbelief. “I never said that,” she said. “I said I am. Don’t make this about you.”

“Who’s she ?” Matt asked. He could tell her eyes were focused somewhere else all of a sudden. He held her face, forcing her to look back at him. “Who’s she, Eliza?”

“Tell him. He’s gonna think you’re crazy. But maybe you are.“

Eliza groaned. She pulled at her hair, dropping her head between her legs. “Get out of my head,” she whispered.

“Hey, look at me!” he demanded.

“No.”

“What’s going on?”

“It’s just… I think I’m going crazy. I’m going crazy and I can’t fucking breathe. All of this… it’s too much. I can’t-“

“C’mere.” The tears wouldn’t stop falling. She laid her head on his shoulder. He opened her arms, caught her when she fell, and then closed them behind his back to make sure it was just them and no one could touch her. 

“I’m sorry,” she sobbed. 

“Shhh, you’re okay.”

“No, I’m just making this worse.”

“You’re not. Hey,” he lifted her head only enough to have her meet his eyes, “You’re allowed to feel like this. It’s okay.”

Her body trembled. “It’s not that.”

“Then what is it?”

“ I’m scared, Matt. I’m not scared of them, I’m scared of myself and somehow that’s even worse. I can’t take the fear away. It hurts me. It’s a pain that doesn’t go away. Like a fucking parasite. Oh, God.”

Eliza’s head fell against his lips and he used that to press a kiss to her forehead. He was holding her, body reduced to nothing but skin and bones. She had nothing else to defend herself with. She was naked. 

“What if, after everything I’ve been through, something has gone wrong inside of me… terribly wrong?”

He rubbed the back of her neck. “Nothing’s wrong with you,” he said.

“But what if there is?”

“No. Nothing is wrong with you. Not a single thing.”

Matt listened to the way her heartbeat picked up at first, then started to slow down when she realized, even though she wanted to with all her might, he wouldn’t leave. He made sure to hold her, to help her tune the world out. And when she was ready, he let her pull him into a kiss. 

He had his large hand on her jaw and cheek. Resting against him, she splayed her fingers along his wrist, stroking his pulse. 

“It’s days like these,” she admitted, “that make it harder to find a reason to stay alive.”

Matt flinched. “Don’t say that,” he said. 

“But it’s true. I’m just so tired, Matt. I’m so, so tired.”

“I know, but if you died…” he sucked in a sharp breath that made his eyes flutter close, “If you died, I wouldn’t know how to live with myself. So please, don’t say that. And please, for the love of God, don’t hurt yourself. I still need you.”

“Just feels like everything I do is wrong. Like the world would be better off without me.”

“Jesus,” he swallowed the pained sob. This wasn’t about him, no matter how much her words hurt him.

“I’ve been at this point before, you know,” she broke off with a scoff that sounded more like a bitter laugh. “Even before my overdose, I tried. I tried to jump off the roof of Avengers Tower, but it didn’t work because I was interrupted. Then I tried to bleed myself to death, also didn’t work. I tried it with morphine, failed miserably, so I took a few too many pills. I almost died. Almost. It’s always just almost,” she said. “I can’t even fucking kill myself without failing. I just won’t die. I should have. I have been on the edge of the cliff many times, but every time I saw the light, I came back. And I keep coming back. It’s like my life doesn’t have an expiration date, I just keep on being here.”

She had never said it out loud before. The times the thoughts occurred, she either tried to act them out or swallow them. She refused to admit when she felt broken when she felt hopeless with nowhere to go. She didn’t want to bother other people with her pain. Everyone struggled, she wasn’t special. It wasn’t fair on Matt to burden him with her dark and twisted thoughts. She already regretted it. The expression on his face was unreadable and she was too worked up to see anything but her own wild colors.

“And now you’re looking at me like I’m crazy.” She scoffed. “Must be exhausting, isn’t it? Trying to care for me only to realize I’m not the person you thought I’d be, that it’s too much work — rotten work.”

“No,” Matt breathed softly. He took her hand, placing it over his chest. “It’s not rotten work. Not to me, not if it’s you.”

He would dedicate his life to fixing her if he could. He would pick up all of the pieces, glue them together and make her better. She just had to let him.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Giving you the chance to tell if I’m lying or not when I say what I’m about to say.” He was trying hard not to cry. She curled her fingers into his shirt.

“There is a reason you’re here,” he said. “There is a reason you’re still alive. I know it might not seem like there is because life happens to good people in the worst of ways, and death almost seems like it’s an escape from the hell you’re living. I know life doesn’t seem like it’s worth living when everything goes wrong. People leave, people die, people either hate or love you, and most of the time it feels like everyone just hates you. I get it. I get that you feel alone like you’re on your own and there is no longer a point to life. You’re suffering, which means you’re not living, you’re just existing. Your heart is beating, but your soul feels like you’re in hell and being burned alive. I get it, Eliza, because I feel like that all the time. But I have learned… I’ve learned that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel,” he said. “For every terrible thing, there is something good waiting out there. And you’re good. You are so good. You’re kind, passionate, selfless… I know your mind tells you you’re not enough. I know it tells you that it’s all worthless anyway. I know you’re exhausted, exhausted from running, from fighting, from living for anyone but yourself, but you can fight this. You can fight this monster in your head. I know you can. Death is not the solution,” he said, “so please, don’t consider it. Don’t consider death as a way out. You need to live. Not for me but for yourself. And when you can’t do that, just then, do it for me .”

Her body tensed up with the worst crying fit she had ever encountered. She couldn’t sob, she couldn’t breathe.

Matt took her face in his hands. “Breathe,” he told her. “You’re okay. I’m here. Just try to breathe.”

She sucked in a sharp breath, tears streaming down her face uncontrollably. “I can’t,” she said.

“Yes, you can. Take a deep breath in.” He opened his mouth, inhaling. “And out.” He exhaled. “In and out.”

She hiccuped with her breathing. His heart was still beating underneath her palm. His breath fanned her face. She felt his lungs working hard, and she tried to fall in line with him. It was hard, breaking through a closed door that was holding the key to life itself, but he managed to free her from the restraints.

“That’s it,” he cooed. “You’re okay.”

“I’m okay,” she breathed.

“Yes, you are. Good girl.”

In such an emotional context, hearing these two words felt entirely different. They felt good, reassuring, gentle praise to hold against her thoughts.

Matt stroked through her hair. “Do I have to worry?” he asked. “Do I need to be on suicide watch, make sure you don’t run away and get yourself killed?”

Understandable question. “No,” she said. She probably wouldn’t attempt to kill herself any time soon. She didn’t have the time for that.

“You sure?”

“Hm-hm.”

“Hey,” he said and pulled her close, lips hovering above each other, “We’re gonna be okay.”

“You think?”

“I know .”

“Perhaps you should give me some of that knowledge then,” her tone was almost teasing. 

He snuck a kiss to her nose. “I have a better idea.” 

Eliza found herself in the bathroom shortly after, clothes discarded over the sink, lazy hands touching her skin. It wasn’t sexual. He wasn’t trying to please her. Her skin felt so incredibly soft underneath his rough fingers. He made sure to take his time exploring her body, mapping out every last inch of her, memorizing it.

“Is this okay?” he asked for the third time. He was trying not to push her further than she was willing to go.

“Yes,” she whispered, “just please, keep going.”

The water ran hot. The shower was just a little too small to fit two people, but Matt refused to let her out of his hold anyway, so they made it fit. They made each other fit, the cold of the shower wall pressed to her front while he pressed kisses down her back. 

So beautiful, he thought. And he was the only person she would ever allow to touch her like that, to map out her scars, every dip and every wrinkle, and every last stretch mark. He saw her for the first time. He saw her body, saw what she looked like. His hands painted the perfect mental picture, including all of the imperfections she was so insecure about, and his heart swelled. His heart swelled because he realized she was opening herself up to him, bearing everything she hated about herself so he could love her. She needed love, she needed someone, she just needed to know she was enough. 

Her muscles relaxed under the gentle treatment of his fingers. The water on her upper arms parted as he pushed through the drops. It felt strange on her skin. Two entirely different substances mixed. While his tongue played with her shoulder blade, he kept on discovering the difference between water and skin, salt and neutrality. It was fascinating just how different skin could feel when found in certain positions. 

Moaning almost contently, she leaned back against him, head falling onto his chest - his pecks were the perfect height to be using them as pillows. She called his name and he replied with a searing kiss on her lips.

“What are we?” she asked. 

“Well,” he said, “What do you want us to be?” 

“I don’t know. I’m afraid,” she paused, arms wrapping tightly around her middle and pulling her flush against the sturdy chest behind her, “I’m afraid that a label might ruin things, but we’re not friends, are we?”

Matt had to shake some of the water out of his hair. “Friends don’t look at friends that way. Not that I can look at you, but I do have a look in my eyes whenever I’m near you.”

“I just…” she chuckled at the teasing bite to her cheek, “if I end up ruining things like I usually do-“

“Don’t even start.”

“You know I can’t just stop believing it, right? That’s not how this works.”

He hummed knowingly. “I will keep telling you that you’re not the person your mind tells you that you are,“ he said. “You’re better than this. I won’t stop until you believe it’s true.”

She could live with that. “I don’t want to lose you, ever. Do you understand?”

“I know.”

“I’m serious. Don’t leave me.”

“I won’t. We can figure it out as we go, but I’m not going to leave, no matter what direction we might end up going.”

When the time eventually came to decide what to do with each other, she would hold him to that. She promised herself. 

“What exactly is it that you see?” Eliza dared to ask aloud into the comfort of their shared bedroom.

Foggy was snoring peacefully outside, the door only half-closed, but enough to offer some privacy as they lay there, on top of the comforter in nothing but underwear and her in his shirt.

Matt sighed. His eyes were pointed upwards to the ceiling, aimlessly moving around.

She took in the sight next to her. There came hardly a time when moonlight broke into Matt’s apartment, but for some reason, it managed to fight that night, and as it fell on his face, she couldn’t help but admire the man he was. Sharp jawline, plump lips, big nose, and those eyelashes of his were longer and darker than most women’s facial hair could be.

It seemed like someone cut him out of a magazine and put him there, just for her to see, to admire, but not to touch. In the serenity of the night, Matt Murdock seemed unreal. His body was made out of marble, with muscles like those of the Greek gods she read about many times before, and skin as soft as silk. He was breathtaking. 

Museums tell you that you’re not supposed to touch the artwork. Hands off the masterpieces. Eliza felt God telling her the same thing as she watched him, taking in the rise and fall of his chest and the way he shifted underneath her gaze. It was one of the few moments where he was completely calm.

What exactly is it that you see? He wasn’t sure how far she was willing to open that up. 

“Remember what I told you about the world on fire?” he said. She nodded. “Well, I wasn’t lying when I said it’s a metaphor, but at the same time, it’s not, not really. Can you close your eyes for a minute?”

She frowned, at first. 

“Just, I’d like to demonstrate. Close your eyes?”

Hesitantly, Eliza allowed her eyelids to flutter close. Instead of blinking, she let her lashes rest on her cheeks, and the world around her turned to black.

“Are they closed?” he asked. 

“Yeah,” she said, surprised he had to ask. “They’re closed.”

“Do you see anything?”

“No,” she chuckled, “You told me to close my eyes, silly.”

“Okay, now imagine standing in a burning building.”

She wasn’t sure where he was going with this, but she followed his demand. She could almost see the red inside of her skin when she squeezed her eyes so tightly together, stars erupted in her vision. 

“What do you see ?”

“I don’t know, it’s just… I imagine it’s dark, but at the same time, it’s burning. I can see the flames, though at the same time nothing at all.”

“It’s like that for me,” he said. “Or you could compare it to sunlight streaming through your skin when you have to squint against it so your vision goes momentarily red. It’s like that, kind of. The world is on fire and that’s what it feels like with everything else being so strong …“

Her heart broke. He didn’t try that hard with anyone else. He struggled to explain because really, how do you explain the fact that chemicals took your vision but gave you heightened senses in return? How do you explain something so complex to a person who has the advantage of seeing? No matter how many words or metaphors he used, no one could ever fully understand without going through the same hell he walked through. 

She took a deep breath. “How do you do it?” Her eyes fluttered back open. 

Matt shrugged. The faintest smile rested on his lips. “You get used to it.”

“I honestly don’t know what I would do if I were you.”

“It’s been two decades, Eliza. If this were to happen to you right now, you’d have to learn how to deal with it first, as I did. Blindness doesn’t exactly come with a handbook.”

“Hmm,” she wriggled her shoulders further into the comforter, “How does one deal with it, exactly? I mean, all of the things you do, you coordinate them through the things you can hear, smell, taste, and feel, right?”

“Yeah,” he said.

“How?”

Matt sighed wearily. He lifted his hand. The fabric of her shirt bunched up around her rib cage. With every drag of his fingers, it rustled. The hairs on her skin stiffened. He wasn’t touching her, not really. Calloused tips hovered over the first layer of skin, enough to feel the heat radiating off of her. He placed his fingers down slowly. Blood rushed underneath the skin. Her stomach growled from the lack of sustenance. 

“Right now, I can feel the blood rushing through your veins,” he said. “I can feel your muscles shift, the way your skin is starting to close around the wound in your side, and it’s fast. It’s faster than anything I’ve felt before. I can also hear the goosebumps on your arms. Sounds like the crinkling of paper, only softer. And your heartbeat just picked up again just from the sound of my voice.” He grinned. “I know you were wondering how I knew where certain spots are that drive you crazy…” his index finger stroked over the band of her underwear. “I can feel them under your skin. Your heart, like any other heart, has its own special rhythm. The heartbeat changes with anticipation, and so does the body. Sometimes it’s goosebumps, but more often it’s the way the muscles twitch and just the blood pumping underneath the skin that has me capable of finding spots a normal person might not be able to.”

“Like echolocation?” she asked him. 

His chuckle sounded rough in her ear. “Yeah, like echolocation. Although,” he leaned in closer, “I don’t need echolocation to know where the clit is.”

He wrapped his lips around her own before she had the chance to let out a snarky remark, or the sound of embarrassment that had been brewing inside of her chest ever since he started touching her. 

“My senses,” he said, “They make a lot of things easier, I admit that, but I believe that if you pay enough attention to your lover, you don’t need enhanced hearing or sense of touch to know what they like or dislike. Besides, there are a lot of distracting factors that come with this gift .” He put the last part in quotation marks. “Like, I can feel the subway tunnel underneath the apartment complex whenever one of the cars drives by. The floor vibrates. It’s even worse at night when I have nothing else to focus on. Sirens, cars, music, the sound of my neighbors fucking, and then there’s the baby down the street that has the strongest lungs, and honestly, after listening to it night after night, I don’t really care that he’s a baby, I just want him to stop. I get a headache. That’s why I don’t sleep much, that’s why I go out. By helping people, I minimize the sounds and the pain, and it knocks me out enough to ignore the world for a little while. And don’t even get me started on the horrendous smell of the streets or the flower shop around the corner. Food also tastes weird most of the time, which makes me pick wisely what I eat. That’s just a handful of things, so yeah, it’s not always fun. Most of the time, it fucks with my head.”

“Like a sudden flash of light would distract me when I’m trying to look at something?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

Eliza let out a prolonged sigh. “I’m sorry. It must get tiring, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

“I know what it’s like to get distracted by other people’s emotions… can’t imagine having that happen to all of my senses.”

“Be glad you don’t have to.”

“So you never regret what happened?”

“Regret? All the time. But I’ve accepted it. I’m fine with who I am,” he continued. “I don’t mind. I’ve grown used to it. Sure, it was a change at first, and I struggled hard, especially with the enhancement of my other senses, but now, the way I’m living, I don’t miss it. I don’t wish I could see you, for example, that’s not… okay, that makes me sound like an asshole.”

She was full-on laughing behind her hand now and he was flustered, the blush heavy on his cheeks, and she loved to listen to the adorable squeak the struggle left in his voice. 

Matt chuckled when he heard her. “I think you know what I mean.”

Eliza nodded. “Yeah, I get it.”

“It’s just that sometimes, I’m expected to act as if I miss it. I’ve heard people say, oh I’m sure he misses it because they pity me, you know. And I don’t want to explain to them why it’s not entirely true. I can’t explain what happened to my senses without blowing my cover and even then most people wouldn’t understand, and I don’t know how to explain that I’ve gotten used to it because it just seems so impossible for a normal person to hear.”

“I want to say I’m sure they would,” she said, taking a deep breath, “but I can’t because I know from experience that it’s not true.”

Matt chuckled, but it was a sad, darker one than the carefree noise it was supposed to be. “Having my sight back would be nice, sure, but I know it’s impossible, so I don’t waste my time thinking about what could have been and just accept what’s happening to me. There’s no use in lying.” 

“Accepting who you are?” Eliza feigned a gasp. “How could you, Matt? You’re not allowed to do that.”

“Ha! Okay.”

“Tell me,” she said and turned to her side to look at him better, “Is there anything you would like to see again? No, that sounds wrong. I mean… Just, if you randomly had the chance to see anything you wanted for, like, a minute or so. Or, a genie comes around and offers you three wishes. What would you wish for? What would you wish to see, if it were possible?”

He answered promptly, “I’d give anything to see the sky one more time.”

“Okay. Why the sky, exactly? Explain it to me.”

“I don’t know. I liked watching the stars when I was a kid, but I also liked going to the park during the day. I wasn’t the type of boy to play soccer. No, I, uh, hated that. I liked to read and feel the sun shining down on my face. I always pointed out the cloud animals to my dad…” the softest laugh passed his lips, the memories full of serenity. “I didn’t have many friends, so that had to do. My dad was my friend. I didn’t fit in, but he did. He was great. He, uh, he always put me first. Always made sure I was okay.“

She smiled. “That’s great.” Why did she sound so bitter? It wasn’t her intention.

“I’m sorry,” he said suddenly. “I didn’t think…”

“No,” she stopped him. “Stop it. You didn’t… I don’t know why I sounded like that. You have nothing to apologize for.”

“I’m lying here talking about my dad while you…”

“As I said, it’s fine,” she said. “I asked you. I think it’s great, actually, that you had a great relationship with your dad.“

“You really think so?” He could already tell she wasn’t lying. She meant every single word she said.

She smiled over at him, trying her best not to let his happy memories affect her. He had been through hell and back, just like her. He deserved to remember the good things about his life before he got blind and his dad died.

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Thank you,” he returned the gesture, stroking a finger over her cheek.

“I mean, it would be awful if we both had daddy issues. You have the mommy issues, I have the daddy issues. Actually, I have both of those. I have the whole family tree in my file for mental issues. But hey, look on the bright side, that makes for some amazing sex.”

He took a moment to register what she said before he burst out laughing. He laughed so hard, he had to place his hand in front of his mouth in order not to wake Foggy.

She snorted. “That wasn’t even supposed to be funny.”

“Shut up, you know you did that on purpose.”

“Okay, yeah, I did.” Her laugh started in the bottom of her chest, bubbling out like soap.

She stayed silent for a bit. Matt tilted his head to catch up on her breathing. The thoughts in her head were particularly loud again. Just as he was about to ask her, her voice broke the silence. 

“What if I told you that I could grant you that wish I just asked you about?” she asked. She carefully turned to watch the expressions dance over his face. 

He was confused. “What?”

“What if,” she sloppily slid her leg over his waist, lifting herself so she was straddling him, “I could make you see the sky one more time?”

“What are you on about?” Matt asked. 

Her hands gently stroked his cheeks. “Do you trust me?” she asked. 

“What does that have to do with anything? What are you doing?”

“Matt, do you trust me?”

“Always,” he breathed hotly into her face. “You know that.”

“Good, ‘cause I’d like to try something.” She moved one of her hands down his neck, up his bicep, and into the palm that was outstretched on the mattress above him. “I was thinking. I managed to make other people not see, and I’ve been doing so for a while. I put up an invisible wall, a door into a world in which we do not exist. So what if instead of making people not see things, or getting into their heads to pull out their most painful memories, I could make you see.”

He reached for her hips. “Oh,” the sound was soft. 

“I did some research earlier and… it could work. Us right now is reality as we know it, but I can manipulate it. I’ve seen it happen. I just don’t know if-”

“Do it,” he said. She met his sightless eyes with a soft smile. He looked determined. His fingers dug into her hips, holding her straight, and she slipped her fingers through his hair. She detangled the knots left from their prolonged shower, still slightly wet. 

“You sure? I don’t want to pressure you into anything.”

Matt pulled her down into a kiss. “I trust you with my life,” he said. “And I mean that.”

The faith in her gave her the last necessary push. 

She kissed him again. “Okay.”

Eliza straightened her back. The muscles of his thighs tensed a little. He was uneasy. The way he kept holding onto her was a silent admission of fear. She stroked his knuckles briefly. She wasn’t going anywhere.

Eliza told him to close his eyes. He hesitated to comply. Only when her fingers found his eyelids and forced them down, he huffed, submitting to her handling. She smiled. She hoped he could feel it and realize he was fine with her, that as long as she was there, she would make sure there would be no harm done to him. 

She wouldn’t have suggested trying it if she had been sure it would hurt him. Still, she asked for his consent because what she was about to do, whether it worked or not, would change something he had lived with for over two decades drastically, and only for a short amount of time – he would return to the way he was. What she was about to do would mess with his head and she wasn’t sure if that was a line she was willing to cross, but then she saw the flush on his skin and the desperation causing his muscles to twitch and she knew he had made up his mind.

He was her personal test rabbit.

There is something powerful about control. Having someone putty in the palm of your hands, following your every command, bending to your will. It’s just you and whatever you want to control, and it makes you feel like the king of the world. It makes you feel important. But power also tends to corrupt us. We’re human, after all. Governments have fallen because certain people couldn’t get enough of their power and always wanted more.

Eliza wanted more. She saw what she could do, what she could create with just a thought, and what it felt like to hold the world in the palm of her hand. She felt the energy expanding in her veins, opening new doors. She managed to control it before, she hadn’t killed anyone yet, so perhaps there was a part of her that already knew how to manipulate it because the reality stone, like all the other Infinity Stones, was a powerful creation of the universe. How it worked, exactly, she still hadn’t figured it out, but essentially, the process of manipulating reality was just science. 

“Hands,” she told him. She intertwined their fingers on his chest. 

“You don’t have to do this,” he sensed her hesitation.

She shook her head. “Just let me focus.”

The red in her eyes managed to black out both of her eyes, not even a pupil left to be seen. The smoke traveled from the middle of her forehead into the rest of her body, tainting her veins and turning the light surrounding her into something sharp and laced with toxicity.

Matt heard the chirping of the birds first, then he felt the sun on his skin. There was grass underneath him, scratching through a cotton shirt. The sensation was different though. It wasn’t intense. He couldn’t smell the pollen invading his nose. He couldn’t trace the pattern of the leaves underneath his fingers. His sense of touch didn’t go that far, and neither did his nose or his tongue. And for once, the birds seemed to scream just a little less loud. 

The world around them was floating. They weren’t on Earth, couldn’t be. It felt like a fever dream to be lying in a field around summertime and not have a single thing to worry about.

“Open your eyes,” Eliza said next to him. Her voice sounded like an angel’s choir. She was no longer situated on his lap but rather kneeling on the soft grass. 

Matt breathed. He wasn’t sure if he wanted it. The sun seemed to be burning through his eyelids. It never did. Changes in the light hadn’t mattered for a very long time because he couldn’t see them. He had to have been hallucinating. 

She gently touched his cheek. “Come on,” her voice was so beautiful. There was nothing else, no loud noises, no vibrations, just the birds and her voice and the feeling of nature nudging his skin. 

The world was so quiet. He had missed this. He had missed not being able to hear everything. 

He squeezed his eyes. If he opened them, the world would shatter. He was sure he would be met with darkness or the site of one of his nightmares where he had to listen to the blood draining from his friends’ faces. A tear slipped down his cheek. She caught it, careful not to disturb him, and the rather impatient flick against his eyelashes made him giggle.

“Matt,” she whispered his name. “It’s okay. I’ve got you. Just open your eyes.”

The sun blinded him. Yes, it blinded him. You can’t blind an already blind person.

The sensation was entirely overwhelming. He could make out the soft blue of the sky, white dots of cotton candy forming the shapes of animals as they passed by the orange hues of the fiery planet shining down on planet Earth. The flappy wings of birds passed by as they hunted each other for food. A single leaf traveled from one corner of the park to the other. Flowers adorned the field he found himself on, the grass so incredibly green, the brightness hurt his eyes. 

That day, for the first time in over twenty years, he opened his eyes and was met with the world instead of nothing.

He twirled around to get a good look at her face, but she was gone. Her spot was empty. 

“No,” she said from somewhere behind him, and when he turned, her hand was back on his arm and face close to his neck. 

Matt pulled his knees up to his chest. His mind was in shambles. He truly meant it when he said he didn’t miss the gift of sight. Having it all back was too overwhelming. The world was so beautiful, so raw, so wild, he couldn’t resist. He gave in. He allowed himself to smile, to laugh, and to breathe as if the real world wasn’t lurking behind a dark alleyway. 

He tried to pull her in, but she refused. “I’m not letting you see me. You wanted to see the sky again and here we are! Don’t ruin it.”

“Why?” he choked out. Her forehead lay against his temple as she hugged him, and he watched the clouds pass by in perfect armies of tortoises and unicorns. 

“You don’t need to see me,” her smile was visible against him. “You know me. You don’t need to see my face, not when you already know who I am in my heart. And I don’t want you to, either.”

He knew she was right. He didn’t need to see her. It would have been to satisfy his own curiosity, but nothing more than that. He touched her. He painted his own picture and that was enough. He didn’t need an actual picture of her in his mind. And the fact that she was granting him this one wish, seeing the sky again, being able to breathe fresh air without having to worry about a thing, was more than enough for him. 

The tears stopped eventually. The birds kept on chirping their little tune, a song now stuck in his head, and they held each other as the sky slowly transitioned into darker shades of blue before it reddened completely in the west and faded into the sparkly dots of the far behind galaxies. 

Matt was cuddled softly into her chest. No matter how tired he was, the sky was too beautiful to tear his eyes away. “If I fall asleep and wake up tomorrow,” he said.

“It’ll be gone,” she finished, nails scratching along his scalp. “I’m sorry.”

“Is this- are we dreaming or is this real?”

“It’s real for as long as I want to.”

He nodded. “Can we stay like this until I fall asleep? I’d like to take my time to find Orion.”

“You don’t have to,” he followed her finger to the right side of the sky, “It’s here. And this one,” - she halted her scratching to trace the invisible lines between the stars that were essentially just small, white blobs in the middle of space - “That’s Fornax.”

“And this one?” he asked and pointed somewhere in the far southwest. 

“Aquarius.”

“And that’s Pegasus, right?”

“Yeah.”

“How about just below Orion?”

“Oh, that’s Aries actually.”

He hummed. “Oh. That’s cute.”

“We’ve also got Leo and Virgo in the east and Cancer in the northeast. Here.” She emphasized her words with the drawing of her fingers, the constellations coming together perfectly in front of his eyes. “And you know, Bootes is there too, in the south.”

The stars formed a distinctive picture. “Because it looks like a boot,” he said, rather unimpressed, with his eyebrows raised in amusement. 

“Because it looks like a boot!” she declared proudly. 

“Damn, who made up that name?”

Her chest shook with laughter underneath his head and he couldn’t help but smile at the carelessness that was suddenly in the way her heartbeat. 

“Bootes is thought to stem from the Greek word for either ox driver or noisy. In mythology, it’s either depicted as Icarius, the hero of the Attic deme of Icaria, or Arcas, a human son of Zeus.”

“So if Norse Gods exist,” he crossed his arms, “Do the Greek Gods exist too?”

“I don’t know. I only ever met Thor and Loki. That’s enough outer space people for a lifetime. Though Thor told me a story once…”

But by the time she had finished, he was already fast asleep. 

The stars were gone, the night chilly and the ceiling way too dull with its many rocks instead of the wide open sky. The constellations long forgotten, Eliza found herself straight into the darkness of his apartment. The silence ate her alive. Matt was breathing peacefully on her chest. He was calm. He looked so beautiful like this, finally able to rest without the worry lines on his face. And he was happy. For the first time, he was happy, and she would have done anything to keep it that way if she had had the means. 

The sharp headache rubbed at her temples, breaking into her forehead like waves to shore.

“So, how does this work, exactly?” She found herself sitting on a hard rock in the middle of the red desert, the only object standing out of the smoke. 

The Eliza in front of her gave her damn near a heart attack. 

“I don’t want to fight or insult you this time,” she said. 

“Alright. What is this then?”

“I’m gonna help you the best I can. I’m more comfortable here anyway.”

“That’s fine,” said Eliza. “I’m listening.”

“Deep down, you know how this works.”

“If I did, would I ask?”

“How do you come back here? How do you will me back into your consciousness?”

“I don’t know.” She lifted her arms in a sloppy shrug. “I just get a headache, then I close my eyes and I’m here. Almost like throwing up, kinda. And with you, I think I just prayed for a sign.”

“Prayed, seriously?” She had this amused glint in her eyes again. “You and praying, that doesn’t sound right.”

“But it’s true.”

“That’s not how this works. I know you want to think that there’s some easy explanation, but there’s not. You can’t explain something like this.”

“Then how does it work? Listen,” Eliza said and stood up, “I just learned about this whole reality stone thing a couple of hours ago. You tried to warn me and I’m sorry for not listening, but I want to learn more. I just don’t know how to control it.”

Her double reached her hand out. “Touch me,” she said. 

“What?”

“Just trust me. Touch me. Do you feel that?”

“Yeah.”

“This is real.”

“Okay?”

“Everything you can consume with your senses is part of reality. And everything you can consume with your senses can be manipulated if you wish to do so.”

“Now you just sound like a Wikipedia page,” Eliza muttered. 

“You hold the pen to change every story you read. If you want the world to look a certain way,” she said, “You just have to think about it.”

“So I can decide whether I want a character to be a part of the storyline?”

“If you want to use it as a metaphor, sure.”

“I could just rewrite everything?”

“Yes.”

“Change the characteristics?”

“You could change the entire character sheet if you’d like.”

She scoffed, suddenly curious. Time must have stopped in the world outside. Eliza smirked with her next question, “I could just change the setting?”

The other one nodded, snapping her fingers. “Just like that.”

“So this isn’t our only reality?” 

“Reality is relative. Every universe has its own, and every universe’s reality is fragile.”

“Every universe?” she hugged her arms around her torso. “So the multiverse, it’s real?”

“Pretty much.” The double was sitting in front of her now, legs dangling over the rock. The roles suddenly reversed and she wasn’t even sure how she got there. 

“Okay, so, this is where it gets complicated. I was exposed to the reality stone before I was even born, right? My DNA got pretty fucked up because of it. Some day, my dad decided I was entirely too dangerous, so he handed me over to Hydra to what? Control me, perhaps? And they didn’t know.”

“You can’t know something without ever being told about it.”

“But why didn’t he tell them? That would have made me so much more powerful.”

“Or they would have just drained you and reduced to ashes.”

“Okay, but why would they do that?”

“Because the stone is worth more than empathy ever will,” she pouted, “Sorry.”

“No, no,” Eliza waved. “It’s fine. You’re right. It doesn’t make any sense.” She sat down next to her, a few inches apart. “But why did they experiment with my amygdala instead of figuring out where my powers really came from?” she asked. 

“We started manipulating things from a young age. We couldn’t control it, so they did the next best thing. They took what we already had and put it into something new. That way, we were unstoppable while also being submissive. If we had known…”

“We would have burned the world down and with it, Hydra.”

The two of them shared a meaningful glance. 

“You’re not so bad,” Eliza ended up confessing. “But then again, you’re me. I shouldn’t be so surprised that you’re quite smart.”

“I’m the smart one,” she corrected. “You’re just an idiot with an amazing voice of reason.”

“Okay, I thought you weren’t going to belittle me?”

“I am not belittling you, just telling the truth.”

“Perhaps you’re right.” She got up again, ready to leave this place, ready to leave the desert behind and return to a more humid area that didn’t smell of dust and despair. “Our father should have just done a little more research, to be honest.” 

The double tilted her head curiously. “How so?” she asked. 

“We could have become one of the X-Men,” Eliza said. 

“We could have also just been added to a home for peculiar children. It wouldn’t have changed the outcome.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“I know a lot more than you think.”

“Hmm. I still think Professor X would have done a much better job at taming us than Hydra did.”

“You would prefer fighting with Deadpool over the Avengers?”

She frowned. “But Deadpool isn’t an X-Man.”

She was smiling, faintly but nonetheless. “You’re the only one to ever survive bearing the full force of an infinity stone,” she said instead. It was ominous and it caused her to lean back a little, rather unimpressed. “The universe doesn’t make such a decision for nothing. God knows when you might need one of the stones to defend all of existence. Or something equally as terrible.”

“So it was a sign? Yeah, right. Of fucking course it was!”

“You should listen to what your body tells you. You’re not out of control, you’re not new to this - you just have to learn how to live with me again.”

“I’m already living with myself. I admit barely, but thank you for your worries.”

“No, not you, Eliza,” she said, “I mean Alina.”

“What?”

“You wanted to know who I am? This is me.”

She disappeared. 

“Okay, but who’s gonna tell me about the X-Men now? I’m too lazy to read the fucking comics!”

Reality quite literally slapped her across the face. Eliza grunted when she opened her eyes and realized it hadn’t been hours; the alarm clock showed one in the morning. Matt was still asleep, Foggy snoring in the living room. She checked her phone. Luckily, the world was no closer to discovering her whereabouts, so there was nothing but a few more slandering statements made by the DailyBugle to ruin her life. No one even suspected she was hiding from the people she did. The news about Daredevil disturbed her, but it was bound to happen. Tony had warned her, but she just wouldn’t listen. 

She pulled on her jeans quietly, exchanging her sleep shirt for one of Matt’s and an olive green hoodie (also his because the only clothes she owned were either too short or too obvious and the rest of her belongings had blown up). She managed to go through his drawers without making even as much as a sound, finding a baseball cap alongside a blindfold - she would keep that in mind for the future. 

Foggy shifted on the couch when she closed the bedroom door. Her heart beat faster. She felt bad, guilty even, using her powers to coax both of them into the deepest sleep possible. But she had no choice. The metal of the gun felt heavier than usual in the back of her jeans and the knife she had strapped to the inside of her boot scratched uncomfortably against her sock. The photo identification slid into her back pocket, a stack of cash from the second floor of her duffel bag in the other. She was ready. She had weapons and she had the perfect disguise. She was sure nothing could go wrong, though at the same time, she had the feeling that the second she would leave the apartment, the spotlight would fall on her and the government would come storming out of every building in a ten-block radius. 

You won’t know if you don’t try. 

The hospital was packed. She wasn’t sure where the curious crowd began or the medical personnel ended. Claire held the back door open for her. 

“You know, when you called, I thought I was seeing ghosts,” she said. She peaked around the corner to make sure no one was watching them. “Like, you come to me for help instead of Matt? Sounds like a weird dream.”

“I’m sorry, I know this puts you in an awkward position,” Eliza answered. 

“Not really, no. I made myself an accomplice when I lend you my scrubs, which went unnoticed, thank God. What surprised me is that you told me not to tell Matt.” They managed to cross another corner unseen and her eyes lit up. “It’s the most fun I’ve had in years,” the admission caused her to smirk. 

“Oh, Claire, who would have thought!” 

“I may not seem like it on the outside, but I do like myself some danger.”

“If people knew…”

“They can’t tie me to you. Now, I’m not a lawyer, but without evidence? I’m just a nurse.” 

Claire pushed the door to the staff stairwell open. 

“Third floor,” she stated, “Once you’re out the door, turn right, and then it’s the third room.”

“How about security?” she asked.

“The cameras here are fake. Metro General can’t afford to have the whole hospital under surveillance, so if you want to find doctors making out like in Grey’s Anatomy, go through the stairwell. Oh, and about the officer guarding his room…”

Eliza lifted her hand. She drew the line at involving her in more than she had to know. “Leave that to me,” she said. 

“Okay, listen, I understand you want to see him, but you gotta be fast and you gotta be quiet. If somebody catches you, I don’t think there is much that can help you.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

“I’ve also got this,” she pulled a piece of paper from the pocket of her scrub pants, “The air ventilation plan you asked for.”

She smiled. “Thank you, Claire.”

The nurse pulled the door close behind her, locking it. Through the glass, she could read her lips. “Try not to get caught!”

Eliza flipped two fingers off her forehead before ascending the ridiculously long flight of stairs. Matt would kill her. She knew he would kill her. The second he found out or woke up without her in the apartment, she would be in for it, chances were she would forget what it was like to walk after. And not in a sexy way.

She softened the police officer’s fall to the ground with a hand under his head. His eyes were red, his body stiff. Tony had been here shortly before, she could smell the faint remains of his Axe body spray. Other than the security detail assigned to Happy’s room, there was no one there. It was late and no one expected her to come, probably, or anyone trying to hurt him so shortly after the incident. Or perhaps Tony told them to take it easy, that she wasn’t so stupid as to show herself in a crowded hospital just to talk to him. 

He was wrong. 

The familiar snoring didn’t fill the room. It smelled of disinfectants and saline and some of the disgusting food they had brought him before tucking him in for bed. Eliza entered and the man was wide awake. 

“Finally,” Happy sighed. He pushed the button to get the backrest of the hospital bed to sit him upright. 

She pressed a finger to her lips. “Are you okay?” she asked. 

He nodded. This time, he kept his voice lower. “Just peachy. How are you?”

“Yeah, fine.”

“I heard what happened. What they’re saying about you. I told them-”

She quickly stepped into the limelight. He could see her smile and the silent apology on her lips. He patted the spot next to him. There wasn’t much space, but she could fit in. 

Eliza slid into the bed. He lifted the blanket to allow her in. It was warm and comforting, and he was soft. She heard his heart hammering underneath his chest, proof he was still alive. 

“I’m glad you’re okay,” she muttered. 

“Yeah, me too, pumpkin,” he said. 

“I’m sorry about what happened.”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“Hey,” he forced her to look at him, “What’s going on?”

“I don’t have time to tell you the whole story,” she admitted. 

“Then try your best to sum it up in one sentence.”

“Hydra’s back, I have the reality stone inside of me and they want it, so they’re trying to kidnap me while Wilson Fisk is trying to regain control and murder me at the same time, so I’m trying to stop Hydra through Fisk, which is complicated and since I’m working with Daredevil and doing stuff I’m not supposed to, I broke the Accords and the government wants my rogue, mutant head on a stick.”

He contemplated for a moment. “That was more than one sentence.”

“Trust me, it was one.”

“You know, using ‘and’ to connect all of your thoughts doesn’t make it a sentence but more of a mess of words, right?”

“Yeah, but on paper, it would be an English sentence.”

He sighed. “So, Daredevil?” he somehow managed to ignore everything else about her explanation. 

“So, you’re not gonna scream or run to Tony?” she retorted.

“I think you realized that the second I came to your apartment tonight. It’s why you came back here to tell me the truth, I hope. I’m on your side, you know that.”

Eliza sat up. Her feet dangled off the edge of the bed, but she stayed close to him. “Do you think I’m a terrible person?” His approval was the most important. 

He shook his head. “No,” he said.

“But you think I made a mistake?”

“You didn’t make a mistake. I just think you could have prevented this if you had told me.”

“It wouldn’t have made a difference, Happy.”

“But what if it did?”

“This is so much bigger than you or me. You saw what happened tonight. You almost died,” she said. “I wanted to prevent that. Everyone around me is in danger right now and I can’t… if I lost you, too, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”

He ran a comforting hand down her back. “I’m not blind, you know,” he said. The wires attached to his arm tangled with his sudden movements. “I could tell Tony was behaving strangely.” 

“Tony always acts strangely.”

Happy tried to sit up straighter. She fluffed the pillow behind his back, taking some of the pressure off his injured side. He groaned. “Yeah, but this was strange, even for Tony, and then I remembered how secretive you’ve been acting, so I just connected the dots. It had to be something he said and you wouldn’t try to hide things from him if it weren’t for good reason.”

In other words, he knew something was up from the beginning, but he accepted her boundaries and didn’t push her. He just wanted her to be okay. 

Eliza blew the air out of her pursed lips. “Jesus.” If she had told him, things would have never gone this far. “I tried to push you away. You were just trying to help and I pushed you away.” Her voice broke. Tears collected in her eyes, appearing like thin glass in the neon lighting of the room. 

“It’s okay. You weren’t sure who you could trust,” he said. 

“Yeah, but I trust you. Always have, always will, I just thought-”

“That I was gonna rat you out to Tony.”

“Yeah,” she sniffed. “I am so sorry, Happy. Really, I don’t… I wish I could take back all that happened, but I can’t. I screwed this up. I did. I have to suffer the consequences now, not you, not-” she cut herself off. Certainly not Matt. He was the last person to have to suffer for what she did. 

She got up. Her knees cracked at the applied pressure. She wasn’t crying, though her chest hurt nonetheless. The weight was heavy, she could barely swallow. Her vocal cords were frozen in place. 

“Does it help when I tell you that Tony isn’t a bad person?” Happy tried to reason with her. The direction her mind was going looked dark, a place where she might not return from if she wasn’t careful on her way down the rabbit hole. 

Eliza scoffed in response. 

“I’m serious, Liz. I can’t imagine him keeping this from you just to spite you.”

“Of course not!” she snapped. “Don’t you think I know that? Of course, Tony wouldn’t do any of this just to hurt me, but he did, and he knew it would, even if it wasn’t his intention.”

“I think he was just trying to protect you.”

“Well, there are other ways to protect me that don’t involve lying to me about crucial details of my life. A life I had no idea existed before I found that stupid file. Also,” she said, her breathing growing more shallow by the second, “It explains why I am the way I am. If he had told me, I could have figured out how to control this. He and Bruce could have studied me and it could have made sense. It would have spared me so much pain if I’d just known earlier, but he didn’t tell me. He didn’t even make an effort. Now tell me again he didn’t want to hurt me, not even deep down. If you truly believe that, look me in the eyes and tell me again, and then I’ll go. Tell me you’d forgive Tony for this if you were me. Tell me he is the good guy, even after all of this.” She pointed at her face. 

Happy opened his mouth. He couldn’t say it. Telling her would have been a lie. Meeting her eyes, he struggled to find something comforting to say. 

“Even after I delivered proof that Hydra is out there, he keeps refusing to offer the resources to help me. He wants me arrested so he can make this go away. He’d just make it disappear and I’d have to continue living in fear of this happening again and again and again because they want me. Hydra wants me. Rest assured, they’ll find a way! They’ll find a way, it’s what they do unless I stop them myself. It’s the only way. I have to stop them. I have to end them. And if all else fails, I can always end myself. I’m the key and I’d be damned to let him stop me. Without me, stopping Hydra is impossible. They’ve made it this far just to get to me. I doubt anything is gonna stop them, especially not Tony.”

“Eliza, please,” he said, “Sit down.”

“No. He doesn’t care! He knows I won’t stop until this is over and instead of helping me, he wants to be right, and he’d do everything to achieve that. He always wants to be fucking right. For someone trying to protect me, he’s doing an awful job at showing it.”

“You’re so stubborn, do you know that?” 

“Yes, thank you. I’m well aware.”

“Did you allow Tony to explain, at least?” 

“Explain?” she gawked at him. “Why would I let him do that?”

“Because he’s the only one who knows why he did what he did,” Happy said, exasperated. His heart monitor grew louder, the beeping faster together. 

“I don’t need him to explain what I already know,” she retorted. 

“But do you know, really?”

“I…” she didn’t. There could be a plausible explanation for everything and instead of listening, she pushed him away.

In her head, he was the villain, the bad guy, the one who stole her the only thing she had been asking for ever since she joined the Avengers. He denied her the answers that could have helped her shape who she was. For the longest time, she’d had no idea who was even staring back at her in the mirror. Everything hit her at once. It was too much. And there was no one else to blame but Tony. By hiding it all away, he only postponed the inevitable, and now she was on her own. She had to do this alone. No Avengers, no Tony, nothing.

She was going to die for the cause and no one would show up to her funeral. 

Eliza wiped her cheeks. This was no time to weep. She was stronger than this. She had a fucking job to do. Crying wasn’t going to get her anywhere. Deep down, she knew how to handle all of this. It was in her blood. She had to find it in herself. She had to take the steering wheel before Hydra could steal it from her, causing her to crash the car into the next best wall. And she would do it alone. If she dragged Matt down with her, even further than he already was, she would never be able to forgive herself. She had to suffer, not him. She had to fix this, not him. It was all on her now. 

You’re on your own, kid, always have been. 

“You know,” she said, more reserved this time. Happy watched as the life drained from her eyes, replaced by a soulless monster. The soldier. “I’m glad you’re okay, I really am.”

He sighed. “No…”

“I’m gonna go now. It was nice to see you again, Happy.”

“Eliza, wait. You don’t have to go.”

“I do,” she said. Her hands flexed at her sides. The doorhandle rattled. She let the power dance around her fingers. 

Reality can be whatever you want it to be. 

She moved the lid resting over the vent to the side. In her mind, the metal of the door melted and glued it in place. The handle began to sizzle with the heat. The silver of the metal burned red. On the other side of the door, pained screams sounded loud enough for them to hear. The deadbolt melted into the doorframe, cooling down almost instantly. Even with constant kicking, the door wouldn’t budge. 

Happy’s eyes filled with pure horror. She stood there, using a chair to hoist her up into the vent. Her eyes met his. The regret lasted for about a second before the emotionless facade returned. She smiled, maybe that would ease his nerves. 

“What did you just do?” he asked. He tried to keep the fear away, but he was burning with it. Like the metal of the doorknob, he was glowing. The fear smelled sour this time, not sweet, not powerful. It came from someone she cared about and it was directed at her. The fear was there because of her. Happy was scared of her. 

She shrugged. She couldn’t stand this any longer. “Goodbye, Mister Hogan.”

The last time she had called him that was the first day she ran into him in the compound, looking for Tony. His heart broke. Clean, straight through. She could hear it crack under her boot as she stomped over it, crushing him like an ant. 

He was left with his head hung low, praying, something he had never done before.

When the cops finally broke down the door, Eliza was gone. The vent was shut, and the chair was back where it came from. There was no sign of her other than the melted metal of the door they had just stormed through. And even though he was scared shitless, when he was asked about what happened, if she had been in the room with him, he said no. He didn’t answer. He protected her, as he would until the day he took his last breath. 

[lokisasgardianvampirequeen]

To Those Who Time Forgot

Pairing: TFATWS!Bucky Barnes x Vampire!Female Reader, Sam Wilson

Words: 1244

Warning(s): Violence, Swearing, Medical Abuse

A/N: All characters are property of Marvel I’m just borrowing them. Please do not use or repost my work elsewhere. Much love and I hope you enjoy!!!! Reblogs are immensely appreciated ❤️

Chapter Ten

The conviction of his words tugged at your heart. While you believed and trusted in him and his words, Hydra was ever unpredictable. "Soldier, if something does happen."

The soldier interrupted "Nothing will happen I will not allow it! I need you to look around you котёнок, tell me everything you see, spare no details."

"I....I see nothing" you mumbled defeated. "I don't know if I am still tranquilized, if they are prepping to put me on ice or already have. I just know I am here, stuck in this limbo. I keep trying to wake up, so hard, and I can't." Another sob escapes.

"котёнок (kitten) I am here, I'm not going anywhere. I need you to concentrate for me. Okay, my good girl? You can do this. You are strong. It is they who underestimate you, for you are a force to be wreckened with. Now focus and tell me what do your hear?"

Desperately hoping you didn't lose your connection to your soldier, you stilled your mind allowing it to reach out further. People, lots of people. Melodic and lively jazz. Chanting and yelling. You relaxed further. The air smelling heavily of beer, hard liquor, sweat, and sick. "MARDI GRAS!!!" you half screamed in delight, proud of yourself. "I think I'm being held on the outskirts of the French Quarter. I can hear the Mardi Gras celebration taking place outside, but indirectly. Not on Bourbon Street, maybe about 2-5 miles outside of it if I had to guess. You felt yourself beginning to slip. The exertion combined with whatever was happening to you in your semi-concious state throwing you into exhaustion. "Oh no....soldier I think I'm losing you. I'm not sure if I'm too tired or I'm beginning to wake up. Oh god I don't want to lose you."

The soldier did his best to maintain his composure despite the fact all he yearned to do was whisk you away, to hide the world away from you and protect. Never in his life had he ever felt as strongly and connected to another person. For you, he would give anything, do anything. "котёнок, I want you to hear me now and make no mistake. I AM COMING FOR YOU. ANYONE AND ANYTHING THAT STANDS IN MY WAY WILL PAY. я люблю тебя, куколка (I love you, doll). Silence was all that followed. All the soldier could do now was pray to a god he wasn't sure exists that you heard his vow.

The soldier made his way back up to the loft. He rifled through his bag pulling out all the information and files that he took from the compound as well as what was left in your loft. God help anyone who got in his way. A war was brewing, and he was the reckoning on horizon. A ghost arisen from the dead, vengeance incarnate.......

Your eyes shot open panicked. You kept trying to reach back out to Bucky. It was no use. The more you tried the more frustrated you grew. You tried to move but you couldn't. You we're strapped upright to a steel St. Andrews Cross. Mustering your strength you gave a hard pull. Once, twice, three times and nothing. It must have been made of vibranium. The room was dark and dim. Medical equipment and metal shelves lined the walls. The underlaying smell of blood was prominent and permiated throughout the air. The smell would have made you sick to your stomach if you were human.

Your head shot back up when you heard murmuring coming from outside the door. You took a deep unnecessary breath. The door swung open harshly, the fluorescent blaze almost blinding you. Footsteps approached and then you felt a hard grip on your chin, a face entering your field of vision, someone you long thought dead. "Krovopiytsa" it drawled. A chill ran up your spine, bile rising in your throat. Your fangs descended and eyes changed instantaneously. You hissed vehemently. "Welcome home. So, so many years you have been away. It's about time you are back where you belong. I've had a long time to think, to make plans." he stated, his eyes dark and sinister. He reached out to touch your head and you snapped your teeth in his direction.

"Do you like your new accommodations I had them especially made for you. Not as fancy as your previous home, but it will do for our purposes." You rolled your eyes in disgust. "The years sure as shit haven't been kind to you. By the looks of it you already have one foot in the grave. When are you planning to take the leap and fully commit? I need to pencil it into my calendar" you spat mirthlessly. You felt a crushing blow your face, the butt of the gun retreating just as quickly as it had struck. "I see nothing has changed, still all henchmen and no glory." What's a matter Doc, not enough balls for a fair fight. Oh wait, there probably shrivelled up by now if you even had them to begin with" you said chuckling.

"ENOUGH! Your insolence knows no bounds you ungrateful brat. After everything I have given you!" You laughed darkly. "GET THE MASK, NOW! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF HER MOUTH!" the doctor exclaimed to the henchman. He called in 3 other men that were standing guard at the doorway. "How sweet, you got me takeout!" you quipped. The men surrounded you. One of them pulled you hair taut from behind, hard. You barred your fangs, the men remaining completely unphased. You felt a blade pierce just under your ribs. "Behave bitch or we'll do more than just gag you!" said the man behind you. "Is that all you got fellas. I gotta say I'm kinda unwhelmed. Are you nervous? No, no that's not. Performance issues, that's it! Don't worry, happens to all men" you reasoned.

The man behind you grabbed the back of your neck. The two men infront of you sneered and began to use you as their own personal punching bag. When they were finished, your neck was released, head now dangling and body hanging lower in your bindings. In your peripheral you saw an arm come into view. Without thinking you sunk your teeth into the flesh, ripping the radial artery right our of the wrist own it's owner. A scream filled the room, echoing off the walls. You righted yourself the best you could, and spit the flesh to ground, eyeing the rest, a glint of challenge in your eyes. "Whose next in line to fuck around and find out?" you spat, giving them your best bloody smile. Rope is wrapped around your neck, causing your head to jerk backwards. A metal mask is placed to your mouth and fastened tightly to your head.

The doctor saunters forward grinning at you. "You never did learn when to obey. Fear not, it'll be of no consequence soon enough. You see, I have great plans for you Krovopiytsa. As you so eloquently put it I do have one foot in the grave. You are going to turn me. Once that is completed you are going to be my ultimate success this time. I am going to give you the gift of being a mother so to speak. Then I will bleed you dry, slowly and painfully and watch the life leave your eyes, once and for all!"

Tags: @mochie85 @theaudacitytowrite

<Chapter Nine

Chapter Eleven>

[dizzythegreat]

all you need is time PART ONE

Time Machine

relatable, hits hard man :(

made me want to cry

i interpreted it as being about wanting to go back to your childhood, wishing you could go back to where you started, to your roots, before you grew up and changed and who you used to be dissolved into memory

the fact that the word “electrons” appears in the song makes me strangely happy. its an uncommon word and its just so cool that it’s in there

the parts about the world ending could be interpreted in a lot of different ways, for me it felt like a cry for your life falling apart around you, collapsing in on yourself like a dying star and wishing you could just go back and undo it all

“we could try a little harder” vs “if i go back, will i do it all the same?” would you truly re-do all the mistakes and experiences that brought you to who you are now? would you try harder and be better, at the cost of the person you are now?

favourite lyric: “should we go back to where we started?”

amazing. 9.6/10

Glitter

taught myself the hand choreo from the video and was unreasonably proud of myself

mostly skipped this one in favour of the new songs tbh because ive listened to it religiously since it came out in 2021 

still a banger though, 8/10

favourite lyric: “i neglected my plants to prove i would”

I’m Just Another Person Oh God

RELATABLE AGAIN

craving adventure, magic, glitter -- but you’re just another person, oh god, and you were not made for this

falling too far down the rabbit hole, seeking excitement and instead finding danger

thinking you’re invincible -- and realizing all too quickly that you’re not

thinking that the world is much kinder than it actually is

ties back into the overall theme of wishing you could turn back time, change what has already been done, regret and nostalgia (all i had i want it back)

favourite lyric: “i prick myself on glass 'cause it shines like glitter”

honourable mention to “where is the rest of me? in a paper boat lost at sea?”

solid 7.8/10

Aluminum

hmmm this one’s a hard one

absolutely adore it, the vibe and the vocals are just 😩

im sure there’s an amazing theme hidden in here somewhere

can’t really relate to this one as much as the others, probably why i’m missing it

the bridge hits hard though, wishing you were more than you are, wishing for adventure and stories to tell, feeling like you’re wasting your potential

im getting all wrAPPED UP in aluminum 

favourite lyric: “i've got bags in my eyes filled with dreams i let die”

another fave lyric: “i wanna be a giant/i want a story to yell/make use of all this crying/make something outta myself”

immaculate, 8.7/10

Cry In The Mirror

ok so at first i definitely misinterpreted this one i think

i took it literally, she likes seeing herself cry, a take on narcissism? 

however now i think its more of a sarcastic “yeah, because i just love seeing myself cry in the mirror.”

because she talks about the doctor not believing her, saying shes just tired, its all in her head and she just needs to get out of bed and start being productive

favourite lyric: “if all of our time is made out of questions then why do we lie making up answers?”

overall its amazing, not one of my faves if im being honest but its still so good, 7/10

Tell Me Have You Been Dancing

deluding yourself into thinking that you’re on their mind as much as they’re on yours

the relationship, whether romantic or not, died a long time ago. but you’re still wondering and caring for them because you know them like you know yourself

being willing to make amends and put yourself back together, but not knowing if they will love you back. should you stop? should you let rest the pieces of what you were?

hopefulness, longing, resentment, beauty

favourite lyric: “your body's contagious, i wish it were mine

so beautiful, the instrumentals are absolutely succulent. 8.9/10

Liar

YES!! ROCK VIBES

absolutely love the “i exhausted ALLLL THE WORDS I KNOW”

i forget where they said it but this song is about having a crush on your friend and not knowing if they like you back

dropping hints and hoping, praying that they like you back

but you know they dont

do you see me as just a kid? which one of us is the oblivious one

sick of this game, you are not the only thing that can make me happy and im sick of pretending that you are

amazing, everything about this song is just amazing. love the message, love the vibe, love the OUTRO

favourite lyric: “and i am quiet because i am scared of what i want/and i am tired of thinking it’s you and nothing else”

9/10

[vacant-pvrk]

This still feels so unreal. I keep waiting for you to come home, to hear you call me from the garage, to see you in bed on your phone in the morning when I come up to shower, to hear you blasting God Smack in your truck as you come up the road, to hear you laugh or clear your throat. I’m waiting for my phone to go off with a text from you telling me to have a good day and you love me, or a messenger notification with a link to your latest conspiracy find.

There was never enough time. We were supposed to go to dinner, go fishing, go camping. We were going to finish the upstairs together and rebuild the deck. I was going to change your oil and buy you more tshirts. I pulled out my blood pressure cuff and stethoscope to check in on you, but I never got to use them. My heart fucking breaks every moment that passes.

I miss your sweaty summer hugs, I miss your “get it done” texts, I miss you showing me how to do things or explaining how something works.

I am lost without you. You were my protector, my familiar face that understood without me having to say a damn word. You always checked in on me and made sure I was doing okay, that life wasn’t fucking me too hard and if there was anything I needed that I could come to you. You always did what you could. You always wanted to help. You wished you could do more but my fucking god you did it all and then some.

I hate that I can’t text you to ask you for a tool, call you for help when I get a flat tire, ask you questions about cars and dirt bikes and building things. I hate so fucking much that you are not here.

No matter how poorly I was doing, you always made sure I knew you were proud of me. You never judged my poor choices, and always supported me getting back on the right path. You let me make mistakes, and you were there when I was learning from them.

God this fucking aching in my chest just might not ever leave. You were everything. You are everything. I will love you forever, Pops. Until we meet again, I will think of you every day.

- Sonny Boy

[asapxdaddyy]

It feels as if God was a sick twisted man who put me on this earth for him to use as a pawn. But as a child i knew nothing and was too stubborn to grow. Now alone i grow as a man and walk the earth knowing I set up the love of my life with my closest friend. I pushed him into a job that can help you raise that daughter and i hope you can finish your work to be successful as well. Its a poisoned burning knife in my heart to know my closest people are now together so I can’t say id ever approve or honestly hope they last, i just wish it was literally anyone else as in my weakest moments with tears in my eyes i asked both of you to stop and prove me wrong, to not further deteriorate myself. Ultimately sending me down a bad spiral. It helped me but I still think it was unnecessary. I know we cant see each other because the product would be just too chaotic to predict. Would i kill him, would you kill me, or would we just be hurting ourselves? Im still healing and too tired to fight my way out of another spiral. I still love you so much and for each of my mistakes is another hour of the day i think about them. I still love you but i wish i could cut off a piece of myself so i could grow it still hurts and im too stubborn to erase the memories as hard as i try. I threw the stupid golden band into the water on a drunken night trying to erase you and myself but instead of mixing with the ocean it just crashed on me like a wave. I still feel like I’m drowning. I still love you and i hope i meet you in the future and you’re proud of me, i will teach my son how to love a woman and to do it right as it is so easy to ruin but so hard to fix.

[josiebelladonna]

the whole “my opinions suck” thing got me thinking and i did some searching around, and i found this big thing about self-worth, and near the bottom is a self-esteem check up (here’s the whole link if you’re curious at all and want to try it all out yourself).

i’ll understand if you’re tired of me auditing myself but it needs to get out. i don’t ever want to pretend.

This worksheet is good for a wide audience, including children, adolescents, young adults, and older adults. The opening text indicates that it’s a self-esteem worksheet, but in this case, the terms self-esteem and self-worth are used interchangeably.

Completing this worksheet will help you get a handle on your personal sense of understanding, acceptance, respect, and love for yourself.

The worksheet lists 15 statements and instructs you to rate your belief in each one on a scale from 0 (not at all) to 10 (totally or completely). These statements are:

I believe in myself;

I am just as valuable as other people;

I would rather be me than someone else;

I am proud of my accomplishments;

I feel good when I get compliments;

I can handle criticism;

I am good at solving problems;

I love trying new things;

I respect myself;

I like the way I look;

I love myself even when others reject me;

I know my positive qualities;

I focus on my successes and not my failures;

I’m not afraid to make mistakes;

I am happy to be me.

“I believe in myself.” in general, i don’t. my writing gets slated more often than not, i wouldn’t be offended if my art gets thrown in the trash, i’m ugly, my sexuality doesn’t matter, i’m incompetent, i’m too emotional, my opinions are terrible, my thoughts are weird, you don’t want to know what my religious beliefs are, i have no love life, i have a crush on an older guy and my feelings for him aren’t respected or valid, i have to perform to impress people and even then they aren’t impressed, i can’t hold down a job if it saved me, making friends is a challenge and a chore, my family is hypercritical and hyper vigilant of me (and they honest to god have no reason to be, either), i’m a hack in the science community, and i’m prone to weight gain. i have no confidence in anything i do, no matter how much it means to me. goose egg, 0.

“I am just as valuable as other people” can’t say i am. i do feel… some? in there, some tiny little nugget—it’s probably the one thing that’s keeping me from relapsing into the big “a”. 1.

“I would rather be me than someone else” even with my shit belief in myself, i can’t imagine being someone else. i’ve been me for too long that i kind of have no choice now. right in the middle, 5.

“I am proud of my accomplishments” the answer may surprise you but no. not even a little bit. if anything, i don’t ever want to think about sharing my accomplishments because, the way that my life has gone, i literally worry about being seen as a braggart. 0.

“I feel good when I get compliments” same story: I actually don’t. if anything, they make me so anxious, like what do i say to this? thank you? i gotta do more than thank you, it’s almost expected now. it’s like, now what? 3.

“I can handle criticism” i handle it better than fanfic writers, that’s for fucking sure, mainly because i expect it. i expect to have my ass handed to me. this shit isn’t good and you know it. 5.

“I am good at solving problems” i’ve thought about this and—not really. i’m a “shoot first, ask questions later” kind of person, and apparently, this is widely reviled. i’m also not very bright: problem solvers are bright, and i just am not there. 1.

“I love trying new things” do i ever! 10/10.

“I respect myself” i respect myself enough to walk away from facebook for the most part, kill twitter dead, and to end a stupid feud that should’ve ended after four months. 5.

“I like the way I look” i don’t think i’ve ever liked the way i look. even on my good days, i still nitpick at myself. there’s always something. there’s always someone, too (re: “people just don’t like my body”). 0.

“I love myself even when others reject me” i get rejected constantly and… you’re telling me to love myself? i did that other “what would you do if everything was taken from you” statement on there, and yes, it literally would not change how i feel internally. i’ll still blame myself for losing everything. 0.

“I know my positive qualities” vaguely. 1.

“I focus on my successes and not my failures” i think of both. 5.

“I’m not afraid to make mistakes” my cartoons literally began life as an error. why be afraid? 6.

“I am happy to be me” huh… huhhhhh… jesus tap-dancing christ. what have i done to be happy or deserve it? 1. why 1? can’t imagine being anyone else (the only thing keeping it from zero is out of spite, and even that defeats the purpose. it’s more like 0.5).

Add up all of the ratings for these 15 statements to get your total score, then rate your overall sense of self-esteem on a scale from 0 (I completely dislike who I am) to 10 (I completely like who I am).

(i’m guessing you add them up and then divide by 15 seeing as there’s 15? i got 43, so that’s roughly 2.87)

Finally, respond to the prompt “What would need to change in order for you to move up one point on the rating scale? (i.e., for example, if you rated yourself a 6 what would need to happen for you to be at a 7?)”

believing in myself, i have no fucking clue. i’ve been searching for the answer to this since i was 18. i really feel like i’ve tried everything and i still can’t find it in me. same with my appearance and being happy with myself. my parents tell me i’m beautiful, but i look at my body and can’t help but feel disgust. yeah, my parents think this, but why is no one asking me out on a date? why does everyone at school think i’m ugly and boring to talk to? why am i being bullied? why does my own family take great pleasure in body-shaming me, calling me fat, telling me to cut my hair, telling how to dress and what to read and what to like? most of all… my mom is stressed out and my dad is high. how do i know if there’s any truth to this? if i’m so fucking beautiful, why is all of this happening to me? how do you accept a compliment? besides just thanking the person, that is, and i’m genuinely asking this, too. there are days i genuinely wonder if i even have positive qualities at all and i’m just putting on an act because i’m too afraid to show the real me, the dark and twisted side of me. i literally suck at solving problems… and it’s almost always because i don’t know what i’m doing. i don’t know what i’m looking for, i don’t know what i’m looking at, i don’t know how this works, i don’t know what this means… but i get thrown into it cold and i bullshit my way through it because there’s an expectation on me now. the only time it isn’t is because i tend to forget what i’m supposed to do (hence why i feel so stupid about it). yeah, about being seen as a “braggart” when it comes to accomplishments… there’s a reason for this. when chris was alive, i used to hang out with people who eventually got tired of me, like i could sense they were tired of the fact that chris liked me and i didn’t know what else to tell them. before that, my paternal family often asked me “okay, now what? what happens next?” whenever anything good happened to me (i got honor roll and aced a midterm but it was all a cake walk, what do you want?) and as for value as a person… i’ve never understood this. what does it mean to be a valuable person? moreover, how does it feel to be valued? no one has ever looked at me and said “you’re a valued member of the team/family”, and no one has ever made me feel this way, either.

[emmyhem]

everything you’re missing (c.t.h)

a/n: hi everybody, i’m back with another post. this is my first calum piece and i’m so excited to finally get it up. this is once again unedited, i’m way too tired rn. it’s also the second smut i’ve posted so that’s pretty exciting as well. yeah i don’t really have much to say right now because i’m literally exhausted, my classes are really kicking my ass. anyway i hope you all enjoy this bff!calum piece. feedback and comments are always appreciated. hope you all are doing well and are being safe. thank you - emmy <33

pairing: bff!calum hood x fem!reader

summary: a drunken text meant for your ex shows up on calum’s phone and leaves him questioning everything he’s missing out on with his best friend.

warning(s): talk of a previous bad relationship, y/n’s ex body shamed her, mentions of alcohol, insecurity, smut, cursing

word count: 4.7k

You’ve decided that 3 glasses of wine is your happy medium, but even a sip into the 4th and there’s no telling what you’ll do. 

So, naturally you were finishing up your 5th glass on Friday night while angrily scrolling through your exes instagram when you got what seemed to be an incredible idea. It was simply too tempting not to, your mind was feeling hazy which made your confidence skyrocket, and you truly did just look good. 

A day of pampering had left you in a black floor length silk robe with nothing but your favorite deep cherry red lingerie set underneath. Your face was bare and glowing after a refreshing and illuminating face mask, and your lips were left glossy and plump from a new scrub. 

You had posed in front of the floor length mirror in your living room, giggling between snaps until you had taken the perfect shot. It was classy but provocative, the dressing gown slipping from your shoulders exposing the lace of your bra and a tasteful amount of cleavage. You had also left the bottom open, allowing a clear shot of your thighs and the curve of your ass from where you sat on your knees. 

With a mischievous glint in your eyes you selected the picture into a message, typing a cheeky, “take a good look at everything you’re missing”  and sending it off to your ex (or so you thought). 

But you really couldn’t be blamed for your mistake, Cam and Cal were far too similar for your drunk brain to decipher the difference. You also couldn’t be blamed for the fact that you dozed off on the couch immediately after sending it, before you even had a chance to recognize your humiliating mistake. 

You were awoken by the ringing of your phone at around 9:00 am, way too early for your liking. Before even registering who it was, you brought the phone to your ear and groaned a sleepy, “hello,” 

“At your door.” a voice you recognized as your best friend responded. 

“M’coming” you said, scooting off the couch. On your way to the door you registered that you were still scantily covered, the robe falling off of you as you walked. You clutched it around you as you swung the door open to a wide eyed, Calum Hood. 

“G’morning.” he smirked, looking you up and down. 

“Shh” you hushed, pulling him in by the arm. “Why in the world are you here so early?”

He lightly laughed while taking a seat at the kitchen table, eyes following you while you moped over to the fridge and pulled out two water bottles. 

“Well,” he sighed as you handed him one. “I got a very interesting text last night and I figured I just had to come over and see, y’know everything I was missing.” he spoke in a teasing tone as he gestured a hand down your body.

You tugged your eyebrows together in confusion. There was something familiar about what he was saying, but not familiar enough for you to put the pieces together. 

“What are you talking about?” you questioned bringing the water bottle to your lips. 

Calum shrugged his shoulders, a smirk still glued to his face as he took out his phone and began looking for something. After a few seconds he extended his arm to hand you his phone. You accepted it and glanced down absentmindedly as your body slumped against the counter.  

The second your eyes hit the screen it all came back to you, your mouth fell open and you straightened out, suddenly very awake, not to mention very mortified. 

Calum on the other hand was buzzing. Actually, he had been ever since his phone dinged last night awakening him from his sleep. Well, buzzing and extremely, extremely sexually frustrated. 

When he first opened your message and saw the picture that would now be making a regular appearance in his wet dreams, he had nearly choked on his own breath. He knew that it was most likely a drunken mistake, and while that slightly saddened him it didn’t stop his dick from plumping up at the sight, straining uncomfortably against his boxers. He seriously debated wanking to the tempting image but decided against it, thinking it would be a gross violation of your privacy since it wasn’t even meant for him. Oh how he wished it was. Unfortunately that meant he had been sporting an exceptionally sensitive halfie since then. 

“Oh my god.” you groaned, sitting the phone down on the counter and covering your eyes in humiliation. “Cal I’m soooo sorry, I was drunk, and overly confident, and I meant to send this to Cam and now I’m just, I’m sorry.” you reiterated. 

‘Hey, don’t apologize on my account.” he countered. “Plus, you should be thrilled you sent it to me and not that asshole, doesn’t deserve ya.” 

“I know, you’re right. Doesn’t change the fact that I’m mortified though. S’bit ridiculous, get a little alcohol in my system and I have a god complex all of a sudden” you rambled, running your hands through your hair nervously. 

Calum stood and pulled you into his arms, resting his chin on the top of your head. 

“You think too much, y’know that?” he quipped. 

You turned your head, pressing a cheek against his sweater clad chest and mumbled, “Yea I’ve been known for that.” 

Calum softly chuckled at your words before pressing a chaste kiss to the top of your head and pulling apart. 

“S’really no big deal, y/n.” a teasing grin plastered on his face. “Besides I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it.”

“Calum!” you scolded, swatting a hand at his arm. 

He dodged your hit just in time and held his hands up in surrender before taking his seat again. 

“Why'd you let that dick bother you anyway? Y’know you’re way out of his league.” 

Your jaw clenched at the question, your mind wandering to every time you had come to Calum crying after your ex had done something to hurt you. Everytime he commented on your “stomach pudge” as he liked to call it, when you wore a tight dress to go out. Or when he would ask if you were really “that” hungry, even if you hadn’t eaten much at all. And each time you would feel absolutely wretched and end up sobbing in Calum’s arms, but refusing to tell him why you were so, so sad. 

“He texted me the other day y’know?” you muttered under your breath, while fiddling with the coffee machine. 

“Really? What’d he say?” Calum responded, watching your back with narrowed eyes. 

“Uh, he saw me the other night, when we were at that bar with the guys.” you said, shaky fingers pulling out a mug. 

“And?” he spoke flatly. 

“It’s stupid really,” you sniffled, willing your voice not to break. “He said I put on a few pounds, that he was glad he got out when he did.” your bottom lip traitorously jutted out as you turned to face him. 

“Fucking dick.” he hissed. 

Calum wasn’t necessarily proud of the violent images that flashed through his mind at the thought of that asshole finding yet another way to hurt you but, the sad little quiver of your lip allowed him to reason without a doubt that they were fair. 

Before you could even blink he was holding you again, arms impossibly tight around you. . 

“He’s wrong, y/n. Fuck, I don’t know how to even...he’s just so wrong.” he said softly, his hand rubbing your back reassuringly. 

“I know.” you whimpered, holding tears back. 

He pulled back enough to look you in the eyes, arms still firm around your waist. 

“No you don’t. It’s...It really fucking pisses me off that he makes you feel like this. It’s like-fuck you’re just like-” he moved his hands to cup your cheeks. “You really are gorgeous.” 

Your heart fluttered at his words, and your whole body felt warm as you stared at his big brown eyes. His words felt sincere, everything about him felt so sincere. 

“Thank you, Cal.” 

He pulled you back into his chest, “Really wish I could just, like hug away all his bullshit.” 

“M’used to it.” you mumbled. 

“You don’t deserve any of it.” 

“Yea, well what can you do.” you sighed, moving out of his embrace. 

Calum’s eyes were still glued to you as you stirred a spoonful of sugar in your coffee. 

“I hope you don’t let anything he says get to you.” 

You let out a breath of exhaustion. 

Confidence wasn’t something that you used to struggle with. I mean sure, there were spouts of insecurity here and there but you knew your worth, and you considered yourself pretty, hot even. That had all changed a few months into your latest relationship. First it was the backhanded compliments which quickly turned into passive comments, and then outright cruel insults. People really underestimate the toll their words take on others, especially when the person that’s making you feel so ugly and worthless, is one that you adore and who’s supposed to adore you right back, no matter what. 

“I try but, he can’t just be making it all up.” you were ashamed. When did you become the girl that lets a guy affect how she sees herself? That just wasn’t you. 

“He is. He’s insecure and a douche. He was probably trying to destroy your confidence to the point that you felt like you couldn’t leave him.” Calum assured. “But you’re way too strong for him, dumped his sorry ass anyway.” 

You smiled gratefully at his words, taking a seat next to him. 

“Yea, so strong I tried to send him half naked pictures for reassurance.” 

Calum shook his head, “I wish you could see how hot you are.” 

Your eyes widened at the compliment, your head dropping to avoid his stare as blood rushed to your cheeks. 

“I’d be happy to reassure you whenever you want.” he continued, bumping his knee against yours under the table. 

“Doesn’t count.” you dismissed, before sipping your coffee. “You're my best friend, you’re obligated to tell me I’m pretty.” 

“Doesn’t mean I don’t mean it.” he muttered back quietly, his expression dropping slightly. He hated when you deflected his compliments. All he ever wanted to do was make you feel good, and you made it very difficult for him when you blocked every swing he took at the wall of insecurity that Cam had built around you. He would kill Cam if he could. 

You let out an apologetic sigh, wrapping your arms around his neck and burying your face in his shoulder. 

“M’sorry, you’re right. I love you for that, the only thing keeping me sane.” 

Your heart squeezed as he hugged you back. 

Calum was perfect, he was sweet, and funny, and quite literally your favorite person on earth. Not to mention you had been hopelessly in love with him since practically the beginning of your friendship. But as his best friend you had heard over and over just how uninterested he was in a relationship. Everytime you would ask about his love life he would just respond, 

“I’m just not the boyfriend type, m’not cut out for it.” shrugging nonchalantly. 

Which you thought was laughable because anyone would be lucky to have him as a boyfriend, in fact sometimes you would let yourself pretend he was yours. 

Like,in a busy club with his hands on your hips, guiding you through the crowds. So close behind, you could feel each exhale on the back of your neck, as his eyes darted around the room to ensure there weren’t any potential threats to your safety, in the form of drunk overzealous flirts. Or after a night out when he got cuddly and clingy, and would find his way from the couch into your bed. You’d wake up with his cheek pressed against your chest and his arms snaked around your torso as he released soft breaths that caused goosebumps to rise on your exposed skin. You’d let yourself imagine that you had this every morning and that he would wake up any minute to smother your face in kisses and tell you he loved you. And of course, here he was again this morning being so thoughtful and kind and everything you wanted in a boyfriend. And here you were again swimming in his praises and physically having to restrain yourself from kissing him. 

Begrudgingly, you pulled away and stood up. 

“Gonna get changed.” you spoke. 

“I’m making us breakfast.” Calum called as you walked away. You hummed in response and slipped into your room. 

Once in the privacy of your own room you quickly pulled on a pair of leggings and a hoodie before scurrying to the bathroom sink and splashing cold water on your face in hopes of ridding yourself of any romantic thoughts towards your best friend.

Although you weren’t aware, Calum was doing the very same thing just a few feet away. Internally reminding himself repeatedly that it was never gonna happen with you. He wasn’t good enough to be anyone’s boyfriend, let alone yours. You didn’t want him that way and he could almost trick himself into believing that he was okay with that.

You hastily finished brushing your teeth before returning to the kitchen. You were greeted with the sight of Calum’s back, he stood over the toaster cutting an avocado and humming a song you didn’t recognize quietly to himself.  He looked over his shoulder as your footsteps approached. 

“Hungry?” he questioned. 

“You have no idea.” you affirmed, as he fixed a plate for you both. 

“Good. I was thinking we could watch something while we eat,” 

“Fine with me.” you responded, hoping he wouldn’t notice the distraction laced in your voice. Your focus had easily been stolen from the conversation to how easy it was to see his back muscles flex through the thin material of his jumper. 

But of course he did, it was Calum after all. 

“Y’alright?” he said, handing you a plate. 

“Uh, yep.” you rushed out. 

“Not still thinking about Cam, are you?” 

“No, not at all.” you answered honestly, walking to the couch, Calum trailing closely behind you. 

“Then what’s got you all flustered?” 

“You” you thought, taking a seat in the furthest corner. 

“I’m not flustered.” 

“Bullshit” he countered, sitting practically on top of you. 

You let out a huff, and motioned to the other  completely empty side of the couch. 

“Is there a reason we aren’t practicing personal space right now?” 

He laughed softly at your question and nuzzled closer into your side. 

“Yea, you’re all pouty, looks like you need a cuddle.” 

 “I’m really fine Cal.” you shoved him lightly but saw no results, he just scooched in even closer and bit into his toast. 

The two of you sat in silence while some newly released action movie played on your TV. Calum’s arm was wrapped around your shoulders keeping you tight to his side, and although you could’ve sworn that you had been in this exact same position hundreds of times, you felt as if this were the very first time. Every single one of your nerves were on fire and the warmth that had flooded your body was making you antsy. 

Feeling overwhelmed by your senses, you allowed your eyes to flutter close with a deep inhale. 

“You okay?” Calum whispered, dipping his head down slightly to reach your ear.

You opened your mouth to respond but didn’t trust your voice to protrude through your shaky exhales, settling for a subdued nod instead. 

“You sure?” his words were long and drawled out, despite your eyes being closed you knew his proximity from the feeling of his breath just behind your ear. 

Before you could speak up his hand secured itself just above your knee, and your muscles flexed involuntarily at the contact. 

“Relax, y/n” he continued, his thumb beginning to run repeatedly over a spot on your inner knee. 

Everything in your brain was screaming at you to excuse yourself, maybe even kick him out, anything to gain some space and hopefully some clarity from the cloud of sexual tension that was looming over the two of you and blurring boundaries at lightning speed. But you were essentially frozen in place, petrified that any movement would alert Calum to the way he was affecting you. 

Your head lolled back to rest on his forearm which was lying behind you on the couch and finally peeled your eyes open, staring up at the ceiling. 

He watched you from the corner of his eye, taking note of every rise and fall of your chest, every thick swallow of your throat. 

If there was one thing Calum was well versed in, it was his ability to read you, he liked to think he knew you better than anyone else in the world. He could tell exactly how you were feeling just by watching you, your face, your breathing and he was more than shocked when he started getting the feeling you were no longer upset but something far more appealing. 

Were you turned on? Right here in his presence? The thought made blood rush to his dick, which twitched in his pants when another breathy sigh passed your lips. 

“What’re you thinking about, love?” 

Everything in you urged you to answer honestly, just tell him the truth. “You, I’m thinking about you. I’m always thinking about you.” But you couldn’t do that, so instead you deflected. 

“What’re you thinking about?” you countered, meeting his eyes. 

Calum questioned his next words very carefully, debating whether or not he could recover if he was wrong about what you were feeling and you shut him down. It was pointless though, he knew he would never recover from your rejection. He also knew that spontaneous combustion wouldn’t look very good on his tombstone and that’s exactly what would happen if he spent one more minute not kissing you. 

Fuck it. 

“That pretty little set you had on last night.” he confessed. 

That you weren’t expecting. 

A quiet whine rang from your throat and you were far too affected to feel embarrassed. 

And that did it, Calum was now impossibly hard in his pants, no doubt leaking precum onto his boxer briefs. He needed to get his hands on you, now. 

His hand started to slowly travel up your thigh, goosebumps rising on every centimeter they passed. 

“So gorgeous in red, aren’t ya y/n?”

“Cal,” you hissed when his thumb brushed the sensitivity of your inner thigh. 

“Mm.” he hummed. “It’d be pretty hard fo’me to stop right now, but I will if that’s what you want. Is that what you want, love?” 

He was sure he’d cry if he had to let go of you now, but he needed to hear you say it. 

“No, don’t wanna stop.” you whined, turning your body flush to his.

“Whaddya want then, baby? Hm?” You could feel his every word on the flushed skin of your neck as he leaned into the crook.

“Want you.” 

He could’ve came then and there. 

“Then I’m all yours.” he admitted before crashing his lips on yours. 

Your heart was in your stomach as his tongue entered your mouth, explorative and eager. He was too busy memorizing your taste to notice your fingers tugging at his sweater. You attempted to push it up desperate to feel his skin under your hands. You were able to pull the fabric up about halfway before they were blocked by his arms that were holding you close against him.

Calum laughed when you pulled apart from the kiss, giving him a disappointed look. 

“Want it off?” he teased. 

You couldn’t bother to be embarrassed when you nodded eagerly in response. He didn’t waste any time peeling the fabric off of his skin, and you were quick to lightly run a finger across the ink feather just below his collarbone. 

Now it was his turn to tug on your clothes, “Level the playing field?” 

You nodded, lifting your arms and allowing him to lift the sweatshirt over your head leaving your chest completely bare. Calum groaned at the sight of your tits, his hands quickly finding your waist and tugging you down to lay on your back in one swift motion. 

Once you were laid out in front of him he took the opportunity to explore the new skin. His hands left a lingering warmth as they dragged across your stomach and despite the kind words and endearing demeanor that he always upheld with you, you found yourself shying under his gaze, wanting to curl away from him. As your hands began to wrap around your stomach in an attempt to cover yourself up he quickly pushed them away, locking them in place on either side of you. 

“Wanna see everything baby, all of you.” he cooed in your ear before nipping at the lobe. 

His kisses began to travel down your neck, sucking a few marks to your collar bones and the surrounding areas. When his fingers grazed over a fresh bruise in the dip just between your neck and shoulders you hissed lightly. 

“You look so pretty marked up for me. All mine, aren’t you baby? Not Cam’s, mine. Say it.” 

“Yours, Cal.” you admitted, feeling your body sink further into the couch. You had never felt drunk off of someone’s words before and the experience was leaving you sputtering, completely compliant to your best friend. 

He hummed contently at your confession, his large hands gripping at your hips, before slowly peeling your leggings off.

“Y’feel so good in my hands, like you were made for me.” his thumbs poking at the soft skin, just beneath your panties. 

The feeling of his hands so close to where you needed them, but not quite there was driving you crazy. 

“Cal, please.” you begged. 

He groaned before tugging at the cotton covering you. “Cam’s a fucking idiot, y’know that? He had the prettiest girl in the world and treated her like shit. I’d never do that, wanna worship you baby.” 

It was ridiculous how overwhelmed his words were leaving you, all desperate and squirming. As his fingers met the soaked expanse of your cunt you couldn’t hold back the throaty moan it elicited. 

A pornographic sigh followed close behind, one that made Calum want to pinch himself to ensure he wasn’t in the midst of a haunting dream. 

“Soaked f’me darling.” he mused, running his fingers up and down your folds to completely coat you in your arousal. You whimpered at the feeling, bucking your hips up desperate for friction. 

Tutting while shaking his head, he used one hand on your lower stomach to press you back down to the couch. 

“Stay still for me won’t you, love?” he cooed, continuing to run his fingers over your core lightly. 

When you bobbed your head up and down in agreement he lifted your leg to his mouth, pressing a kiss to your calf. 

“Hm, good girl.” he praised, softly laying your leg back down. 

Calum hovered above you, dipping his head down every so often to peck at your chest, his fingers still unrelenting. The knot in your lower stomach tightened every second that passed and you felt like you could scream at any second, yearning to be full. 

Calum felt like he could burst any minute himself but was determined to make this experience the best of your life. He wanted to give you something to remember, a reason to want more. 

Your soft moans and frustrated grunts alerted him to your neediness and he was just about ready to give in for the both of you. 

“What do you need from me, baby?” he said against your shoulder before peppering kisses across your collar bones. 

You could only respond with an airy moan when his fingers found your clit. 

“Hm? My fingers?” You shook your head aggressively. He knew exactly what you wanted, the tease. 

“No? Want my mouth?” he teased further, leaving an opened mouth kiss in between your tits. 

“Cal,” you sighed. “Fuck me, please.”

He groaned at your words, nipping lightly at the skin before ridding himself of his pants. 

“You’re a fucking dream, y’know that?” he praised, desperately searching for a condom in his pants. When he finally located one he held it up to you as if it were a prized possession, smiling proudly at his own preparedness. 

He hastily freed himself from the constraints of his boxers and rolled the condom on, never once taking his eyes off of the blissful expression on your face. 

“Ready?” he questioned, his tip lightly pressing at your entrance. You nodded and sucked in a breath, bracing yourself for the stretch, your eyes falling closed in the process. 

When a few seconds went by and nothing happened you opened your eyes to find Calum staring down at you in awe. 

“Cal,” you whined. “what’re you doing?” 

Your words seemed to break him from his trance, he shook his head and muttered an apology to you. 

“Sorry, fuck you’re pretty. You’ve got no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this.” 

“Then stop waiti-” your words were cut off by a sharp hiss that couldn’t have been prevented as his length finally pressed into you. 

“Fuck.” Calum groaned his head falling back. You felt too good around him, seriously he was fucked, completely ruined for you. 

You felt the exact same as your silky moans filled the room. You had never been filled this good and you questioned how you had gone so long without this. 

“M-move” you sighed, clenching around him. 

You could hear his breath catch at the feeling and he grunted out a strained, “Need a minute.” 

He held himself in place for a few more seconds until his breaths began to even out once again before pulling nearly all the way out and slamming back in. 

You yelped, pulling your lip between your teeth in hopes to drown the sound. 

He continued slamming into you at an unrelenting pace, taking notice of each time your eyes would roll back when he brushed against your g-spot. He could write a book about how good you looked all fucked for him. 

As his thrusts grew closer together you could feel your release creeping up on you.  

“Cal, need’ta cum.” you stuttered out. 

His hands tightened around your hips, pulling you even closer to him as his head poked at that spot again. 

“Go on baby, let go.” he encouraged, willing himself to hold out a little longer as your walls fluttered around him. 

Once you had came it only took him about three more thrusts before he was painting the condom with his release, groaning your name as his hand searched for yours to intertwine them as he came down from his own high. 

  His body flopped next to yours on the couch, both of you struggling to fit next to each other in such a small space, not that either of you minded the close quarters. 

Your fingers remained laced together as you caught your breath, Calum peppering kisses to your shoulder and mumbling praises into your skin. 

“You’re an angel. God, I just- I love you.” he said, causing your head to snap in his direction. 

He looked like a deer in headlights when you asked for him to repeat himself. 

“I love you?” he obliged.

“Is it a question?” 

“No, I’m just not used to saying it.” he admitted, vulnerability clear in his eyes. 

You wanted to kiss away the worried crease in his forehead but instead pressed your lips to his, pulling apart a fraction of an inch to speak after a few seconds.

“I love you too.” you ensured. 

Calum eyes widened, not expecting you to say it back, at least not so soon. He had so much he wanted to say to you but figured all of it could be summed up by another kiss to your soft lips. So he closed the distance once again, using a bit more force this time in hopes it would convey the strength of his feelings for you.

[thornsinthesoull]

Dear, you.

I don't know how you did it, but I'm so proud of you! 

Proud of what you've become and what you've accomplished. I always knew you can make it! 

Despite all those things you went through, I never lost faith in you. You are stronger than you thought you were.  I'm glad you listened to me.

Who would have thought you'll come out of it better, bolder and stronger? You're the version of me I've always envisioned even in my worst state.  

I'm sorry that I put you through all of those mess out of my carelessness. Now we both know that putting our faith on other people doesn't always do us good.  So, I'm glad that you did run when I asked you to. That was the bravest thing you did; to walk out and walk away despite the heaviness in your heart. I know it was difficult and it took you all the courage you could muster to accept the fact that what you fought for was in vain but that's the way things go.   

Remember what author Eric Ludy said, "Many a young woman has spent nights crying over a broken heart--not from an ended relationship, but from the FALSE HOPE of a relationship that never began." 

You weren't really sorry for the abrupt ending. You were only sorry that things didn't go your way. 

There will always be disappointments but the important thing is knowing how to deal with it, and that it's not the end of it all.

I love that  fought your way to get to where I am now.

Success is always sweeter when you've tasted the bitterness of struggles. 

You'll never be able to appreciate what you have now and what you will have unless you've gone through not having it.  

Gratitude unlocks the magic. I'm glad you used it one too many times. You can never have too much gratitude in your heart. If it overflows, it blesses more people around you and you never get empty ever.

When you started to doubt yourself and God's plans for you then, I was heartbroken. It's painful to watch you tremble. I thought you'll never get past it. But, you never let go; you never gave up. That's my girl.

You strongly believed and still believe that there may be drought around you, but the abundance of rain is on it's way. A storm cloud full of God's blessings is about to pour.

Hold on to the people who give you wings. Those who laugh with you and your quirks, and silly mistakes but never judge you. Those who believe in you like I do. They were put in your life to make things easier and lovelier so don't scare them away.  

Remember to always put people over things.

It will take you quite a while before you will realize the difference between things that you should trash and keep. Man, it took you like forever to stop chasing what you thought was everything you ever wanted!  

I can't blame you for having a heart that never gets tired of giving second chances. You're a good person.

Self-love should still be your top priority. Protect yourself from the people who hurt and will hurt you. That's the most selfless gift you can give yourself.

You will never believe what great things await you! 

With much love and faith in you,

Your Future Self❣

[animeangsteng]

Fuck! My best friend’s sister!

▂ ▃ ▄ ▅ ▆ ▇ █ █ ▇ ▆ ▅ ▄ ▃ ▂

ᴺᴼᵂ ᴾᴸᴬᵞᴵᴺᴳ : Fuck! My best friend's sister!

.

⋘ 𝑙𝑜𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑎... ⋙

Warnings: nsfw, fingering, sex, first time (male and female), friends with benefit, mention of sexual experimenting of new things (non specified), privacy infringement (kinda, by Izuku)

Female AFAB reader.

Aged up! Katsuki x Midorya! reader.

Friends with benefit collab by @kshira

.

█ █ █ █ █ 100% *Tuning complete*

.

«Rule number 1.

You can quit whenever you want.

That was an obvious one for anyone with a brain.

.

Rule number 2.

Use safe words and protections.

It is meant to be enjoyable for both and I have no intention of stopping my career for a kid anytime soon.

.

Rule number 3.

The most important of all.

Do not catch feelings.

...And I fucking did.

Rounds of applauses for myself.

And that wasn’t even the only rule I broke.

You’re a walking forbidden fruit!

And I fell in love with you.

You’re my best friend’s sister.

My childhood friend.

And my friend with benefit.

I would have hit bingo if you were my step sister too but thank God you’re not!

.

Why did I get myself so involved with you in the first place?!

Ah, right.

I was a teen.

Despite being an adult already, I behaved like a damn teen.

A horny teen with a hot friend, who happened to be his best friend’s sister.

And so we went and, in a rather awkward way, we decided to fuck.

We were each other’s firsts.

And I must say we went a long way from there.

.

We were so damn embarrassed the first time that we turned away from each other just to get naked.

And then we turned off the lights while trying to get done with it, to avoid any more blushing and awkwardness.

And that was a big mistake.

We hit each other a lot and not in a sexy way, butting heads and trying to find where to touch.

You had to put a finger in my eye for us to finally choose to light the room up again.

Embarrassingly enough I was hard already.

Plus, I didn’t know how to do it and neither did you.

It’s not like we could have just gone to someone about this.

At least not without the awkwardness of talking of sex with an adult or someone else.

The first time I almost came while putting the condom on.

And then I entered you dry, all at once.

Luckily for both, you were wet enough so it didn’t hurt too much.

But, hearing you whine and seeing the blood, I panicked and almost pulled out before you stopped me and reminded me of the hymen.

And God was it good.

The sex, I mean.

The first time with you was mind blowing, at least for me.

The sensation was so weird and pleasant!

You were (and still are) fucking tight!

And the feeling of you clamping down on me!

I’m ashamed to admit this but I came embarrassingly soon, after a few thrusts, and pulled out, leaving you unsatisfied.

And of course I decided to try make you cum.

Most definitely believing that I could.

And proud, thinking that the time I lasted was the global record or something like that.

And so I throughly convinced that I could make you cum in few seconds, minutes at maximum.

But it’s fucking harder than in they show in porns.

Or at least it used to be.

Now I’ve gotten... the hang (or rather hand) of it.

Plus, at the time, your pussy seemed to me like something straight out of an horror.

Especially with the blood.

And I didn’t know how and where the hell I got in, the first time!

So I went by trial and error and finally, when you began to moan, I kept pushing in and out with a finger against your sweet spot.

I was rather rough, wanting to bring you to climax as soon as I could just to be able to go and clean myself up.

And then you finished.

My hand hurt by that time and it took at least five minutes, to be kind to my past self.

Tired, you stayed on the bed while I went to shower.

And after that, we were addicted.

.

We both didn’t want a relationship and I felt nothing for you but lust and platonic feelings.

So we looked up online (and yeah, never look this kind of shit online) and we decided to be friends with benefits.

And we gave ourselves three simple rules.

Rule 1: we can quit whenever and for whatever reason we have. Even without one, of course.

Rule 2: always use protections and, later on when we experimented more, safe words.

Rule 3: do not catch feelings.

No jealousy if not for scenes, no possessiveness, nothing but the friendly love we had already.

And I fucked up, quite literally too.

And so I did what I knew was right.

I broke our arrangement up.

I gave you no explanation at all.

I just told you: -I quit-.

.

It wasn’t without reason, though.

After that I began trying to make you understand I wanted to be your boyfriend (and perhaps husband but that could wait).

But you stubbornly refused every single gift.

Petty as always.

Such a brat.

So I changed approach.

I came to you, using the voice I know made you weak on your knees, and asked you to hook up one last time.

And you accepted.

Once at my place, though, I told you three words in your ear: -I love you-.

Never told them, you know?

You didn’t quite believe me the first time.

Who did you think I was?

I don’t have time to lose playing with people’s feelings!

And then you smiled and said those magical words back.

You then laid on the bed, as seductive as a temptress, and smiled: -Are you going to leave me unsatisfied, though? Hm, love?-.

And I discovered a new kink.

You’re not allowed to call me anything but love from now on.

And one day perhaps husband.»

.

-K-k-kacchan! You l-left y-your diary!- I heard a voice say.

Your brother’s voice.

Oh shit.

-Y-y/n. You and K-Kacchan... Oh, god!- that fucking virgin nerd began muttering, probably red in face.

So, as a good future-brother-in-law, I went to him to check how he was.

And... he fainted.

Great.

[xmemeanonx]

Hey - I love your platonic yandere Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman stuff! Will you write more?

Of course! Here you are!

= = =

Fun dad Clark, with strict mom Diana and strict dad Bruce are a force to be reckoned with.

In the beginning, the three of them struggled with the idea of sharing you, let alone putting it into practice. But as they spent more and more time with you as a group, outside of the fighting and being a hero, the more they saw just how much of a family they naturally acted as, especially when they were with you.

And you? My god, aren’t you just so special? They certainly think so. You know when you were a kid, and you’d draw something that was essential was just a pile of scribbles and globes of colours? And you’re parents still called it phenomenal and put it up on the fridge? Yeah, that’s them with literally anything you do.

You could sneeze and they just be like: 💕❤️💕💕❤️💕💕❤️🥺🥺🥺🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰❤️❤️💕❤️💕❤️💕💕❤️💕

(Clark especially)

I’m sure if they weren’t yandere for you, they still would absolutely adore you.

Diana would call you my dove, little bird, and little one.

Clark would call you kiddo, squirt, and different renditions if your name.

Bruce would just call you by you name. Heheh sorry.

He tried calling you kid one time,,,, just didn’t sound right coming from him

Unfortunately, as intelligent, clever, and cunning the three of these heroes are, they are a mess when you’re involved. They want your attention for themselves constantly, and you barely have any time for yourself.

They all have different ways of captivating your attention too:

Clark is an amazing playmate. He still has a childlike glow around him, and he certainly has the energy for it. Your mornings often times belong to Clark. Any hobbies you enjoy, he now finds fascinating. He’s the stereotypical suburban dad when it comes to his kid. He’s the dad in the crowd who always claps the hardest when his kid comes on stage during a play, or makes a home run during a game. His kid, in his eyes, is the sun. His kid outshines anyone on earth, making anyone practically unworthy of even looking at his kid, let alone interact with them.

Diana is a fantastic storyteller. She has lived many lives and will tell you about them all in such visceral detail, almost to the point were you feel as though you were there. You find that your afternoons and evenings almost always belong to Diana and her soothing, yet powerful voice. Whether that voice be spinning out a tale of her hunting beasts one hundred times her size, or barking out orders, teaching you how to kill such monsters, you always enjoy your time with Diana. You two drink tea near the end of your time together, and Diana always tells you how proud of you she is.

Bruce is a terrific teacher. You nights always belong to him. He is the worlds greatest detective, the owner of Wayne enterprises, and he is Batman. It is almost hard think of something Bruce doesn’t know. He has done bad things, and has let people he loves down. But, Bruce adores you. He will never make the same mistake again, especially with you. So, he teaches you to be a better person than he is. to makes things that help people. He is great, and he wants you to be greater. So he pushes you. In the beginning they’re small, curt taps. But they quickly evolve into violent shoves that shake your world. Yours shoulders hurt, but he tells you to keep on going, he tell you that you can do it. And you believe it, but how long can you go until you can’t just brush off the pain?

You find yourself often burnt out and tired by the end of the day, even more so if you’re a hero. Your bones ache and yours eyes are tired. You may feel unsatisfied if you hate being with them, but what does it matter? You know that you’ll have to to do it all again tomorrow.

They aren’t cruel, especially when it comes to the others choices. If Clark is being too delusional, Diana and Bruce will step in. And vice versa. They love you, you’re their kid, together you’re a family.

If this isn’t something that you want, too bad it would be best to keep that quiet, especially if you didn’t have powers. You could try and escape, but I wouldn’t recommend it.

Life with them isn’t so bad tbh. You live in the beautiful structure of Wayne manor, you have three loving captors parents, and anybody who may have been giving you trouble is probably dead. Also your parents might be dead too idk.

Also, the three of them have agreed that Diana is the one that lays out punishment, with Bruce and Clark giving their ideas and thoughts. Which would add to a whole new level of fear when it comes to upsetting them.

They are unit, through and through. But with you they can feel like a family. Or at least convince themselves they do.