#there were also a bunch of books from McDonald's but those i do remember

[jedi-bird]

Sorting through old children's books and found this. At some point in my youth I apparently got a book with my Taco Bell kids meal. I don't remember it at all but I'll probably keep it for the novelty factor.

[bellmo15-blog]

I Loved The Bionicle Movies

Today is Bionicle Day!

… Okay well actually it was Bionicle Day yesterday for me because time zones but everyone else is celebrating it today so still counts. As you can probably tell from this journal I admit I rushed to put together because I got inspired to, I don’t actually have anything special planned for today. I mean I COULD just get out my old tub that contains all my Bionicle sets I own and show some of those but most of them are either deconstructed or broken and even then the idea of getting out a bunch of toys just for the sake of this day only to put them back once it’s over isn’t that appealing. So instead, I wanted to talk about some bits of Bionicle related media that I really like and hold a special place in my heart. The movies.

Now if you follow me mostly for the art I commission then chances are you know what ONE OF the reasons I love one particular movie are but in truth I actually like all three of the classic Bionicle movies and there’s actually a bit of a deeper reason for that. You see, I was pretty into Bionicle since day 1. I got the original 6 matoron from the McDonalds happy meal promotion back in 2001 and while I didn’t get every single set in this themes lifespan, I still collected enough that I was super into it from a really young age. Then I learnt about the first movie that was getting released, the Mask of Light and with how into this line I was of course I wanted it. My parents eventually got it for me after like a few weeks after it came out with me eventually getting both Legends of Metru Nui and Web of Shadows for my birthday in 2005 and of course I loved them but one of the reasons why that is was because of something I only found out while watching the first film.

Bionicle had lore! Obvious statement to say now especially with how much of a meme it is just how much lore Bionicle had but back then I barley looked up anything online relating to Bionicle and only really just played with the sets my parents would buy for me and the commercials for these sets rarely played when I watched TV so I had no idea there was actually this big, grand storyline that was going on. I mean yeah, I do remember the Rahkshi sets coming with a comic panel as well but I never really read them so these movies were my first clue that these were not just some cool LEGO toys I was building. These were cool LEGO toys I was building that were also actual characters with their own stories, personalities and roles in a world that was only going to get bigger from this point onwards. Yup, these movies were basically what kick started me wanting to pay more attention to the lore of the theme. Or at least as much as I could or have the patience for.

A majority of the lore for Bionicle was told though books, both comic books and story books. And even back then I wasn’t much of a book reader only really reading books that were required of me in school or this one Mario themed choose your own adventure book on a train ride during a school trip where we had nothing else to do since we couldn’t bring out portable game consoles. My mindset back then was basically “if it doesn’t involve characters actually talking or moving pitchers I’m probably not going to be interested” and one of the few Bionicle books I did get I only really wanted because it came with a version of Tahu’s Hau Nuva after it’s been poisoned by Lerahk so most of my Bionicle lore knowledge came from the movies.

Granted that probably might not of been the best call on my part growing up since with how expansive Bioncle’s lore is these movies tended to be VERY condensed versions of that years storyline at the time and would often skip over major parts such as the Toa Metru’s hunt for the great disks being condensed into a minuet long montage with the Morbusa from that half of 2004’s story only being seen in the background of that montage and not being able to see the Toa Hordika test out there new abilities like they do in some of the comics. Hell, Web of Shadows actually has a pretty big lore breaking error in it with Nuju using X-Ray vision even though while Nuju’s mask does have some degree of X-Ray vision one of the negatives to being a Hordika is that you CAN’T use your mask powers!

But, with how my preferred way of consuming media growing up was purely visual could you really blame me for wanting to get my lore from these movies!? To the films credit, Web of Shadows DID also have Roodaka, Norick and Nuju’s voice actors from the film doing voice over for a few comic panels in the special features of the DVD and also a short preview of the flash animations for that year so I did still engage in some of the lore outside the movies.

Another reason why I enjoyed the movies as much as I did growing up, and this is going to be a VERY hot take I know but it’s actually because of the designs they gave the characters in the movies. Some people REALLY do not like the movie designs for the characters because of some of the liberties they took for certain characters but I actually think they look really dam good. Stuff like how the Nuva chest pieces are uniquely coloured for each toa instead of all just being purely silver like they are in there sets, having actual hands and fingers, the Turaga having robes re-enforcing the whole wise elder thing, the Rahkshi being actual nightmare fuel compared to their original sets, female characters like Gali and Nokama having slimer figures compared to the male characters, the Rahaga’s helicopter blades that get lowered when not used, the Hordika have one arm that was permanently having there weapons fused to them while still having a semi normal if elongated arm which really helped drive home how the Hordika transformations literally turned you into a monster, it’s hard for me to not like these designs a lot. Granted they aren’t perfect translations of the toys since Pohatu doesn’t have the inverted torso his set usually does and Makuta not looking a thing like his actual set (although to be they were basing his design of an early prototype LEGO sent over during Mask of Light’s production and his finalised design for retail hadn’t been decided yet) but most of the issues I do have with the designs are so minor they aren’t worth me making a big deal over. I never had Sidorak growing up but even if I did I’d MUCH rather his design in the third film than his original set. I DID have Roodaka though and let’s just say it caught me off guard when I found out she was a woman. Yes, I really did think Roodaka was a guy before watching Web of Shadows. Considering Roodaka’s race consists of both male and females AND there’s not body differences between either gender meaning that even the guys have those boobs… yeah.

Still on the topic about how these movies presented themselves there’s also the soundtrack to these films and allow me to be blunt. Holy fuck, these movies go hard with there soundtrack! It’s kinda hard to explain how good these are though a written form but I seriously encourage you to look up the soundtrack to these films and give them a listen. They are actually all officially on Spotify to my surprise, and I am so glad they are because it’s a great trio of soundtracks. I mean they had no reason to go as hard as they did with the soundtrack for a direct to DVD movie trilogy, but they did and I love it! These movies might not be perfect by any means especially since Mask of Light literally resurrects a character a few minuets after he dies which I hate in ANY story but the amount of work they put into these movies on top of just being really fun movies with some pretty good morals if you look into them is what kept me watching them multiple times as a child.

When I got back into Bionicle again last year one of the first things I did was watch these movies again since they were all on the Bio Media Project website which is an archive of every single bit of Bioncle related media there was including the movies and I still enjoyed watching them as an adult as I did as a child. I mainly used Bio Media Project for watching them because I haven’t been able to find my old DVD copies of these movies. Sadly, Web of Shadows was the last movie we would get in a long time. The Bionicle storyline might have continued but we were not getting anymore movies at least until 2009 which was always sad to me. Because the storyline from 2006-2008 was this big multipart story where Mata Nui, the God of the Bionicle world, was dying and our heroes needed to find the Mask of Life to save him with the story arc eventually ending in the reveal that Mata Nui wasn’t actually a god but rather a giant robot and everything that had happened in the lore up to this point had been happening inside this robot! AND the toa sets for 06 and 07 specifically were some of the Matoron from 01-03 which included Jaller and Hali who were in the first movie so seeing a film where these characters I knew as being small civilians who were barley able to defend themselves turned into super powered badasses would have been so cool. Honestly, I just wanted to see how these hypothetical films would of adapted the character Karzani! That guy is the definition of “Oh good god, how are we going to translate this mentally unstable miss mash of parts into our style!?!?”

I would try to make more of an effort to play the flash games beyond this point since I did go onto the internet a lot more from 2005 onwards to varying degrees of if they were cannon or not and also got Bionicle Heroes which even as a child I knew wasn’t cannon but it wouldn’t be until 2009 when we would get one more Bionicle movie. And it was terrible!

This isn’t even a “Oh, I grew up with this movie and loved it back then and now as an adult I don’t like it” thing either. No, even as a child I knew this movie wasn’t very good! Unlike the previous three movies which were made by Mirirmax, The Legend Reborn was done by a new animation studio of TinclleTown Toons and it shows. Because to put it bluntly, this pretty much felt like a watered down version of the previous three movies. The animation to me at least looks worse, the soundtrack was pretty forgettable, the dialogue felt incredibly awkward at times, it toned down a lot of the more darker aspects of the previous films for silly slapstick and while the characters do look a lot more accurate to the toys this time they also for some reason put these spinning gears on them that are pretty distracting. Yeah, it’s not a very good movie. The worst part about this movie being as toned down as it is was is that the story line of this year was set in a pretty violent place as well and outside of the Glatorian Areans where you couldn’t kill your opponent’s there were no rules on Bara Magna and anything goes. It was pretty much the Bionicle equivalent of Mad Max but with cool cyborg people. I watched this last year as well and had to stop in the middle of the climax because unlike the last three movies I couldn’t download an MP4 of this one so I had to stream it from Bio Media Project itself since I wasn’t aware it was the only Bioncle Moive you can still buy normally today via Youtube for some reason and it froze before the reveal of who the traitor was. I only ever watched this film once before this point and it was the night after my mother got me this film and I really don’t think I missed out on much not rewatching this as much as I did and I’m only really talking about it here because I know if I don’t, I’ll get a bunch of comments asking me about it.

So yeah, that’s pretty much all I have to say. The Bionicle Movies excluding Legend Reborn were my favourite Bionicle related media growing up and with how into Bionicle I’ve been again since the middle of last year I thought it was only appropriate to talk about it for Bionicle Day. Now then, since I am still in a bit of a nostalgic mood I’m off to go play some Bionicle Heroes while blasting the movies soundtrack and then maybe later visit the old websites on my Windows XP Virtual machine. Because 2000’s nostalgia is like cocaine to me right now!

[blazehedgehog]

What sonic merch do you have? I kinda wish I could get a statue but there's less of those than you think. Megamans been a lot easier to get good merch for for some reason

It's really not much. So as previously mentioned, I have that Sonic candy dispenser...

The Caltoy Sonic and Tails plushes...

I used to have a full set of the Sonic 3 McDonalds toys, but who knows where half of those are anymore

And the two Sonic Underground plushes from Denny's.

This compromised basically 80% of Sonic's entire american merch catalog in the 90's, outside of some books, clothing and assorted odds and ends.

Since then, things haven't grown massively, but I have picked up a few items here and there. For the above images, none of those were my photos, but we're going to start getting into pictures I have personally taken of my newer stuff.

A friend gifted me the "basic" version of the Sonic nendoroid. The basic version comes with fewer accessories, so I don't have the checkpoint posts or item capsule, and I don't think I even got separate hands. I am not complaining.

I bought the Sonic amiibo for myself when it came out.

I got a special poster from the Sonic Mania reveal event courtesy of TSSZ having someone there as the event was happening. I framed it since it's such a nice, heavy duty poster.

I have the 11" Metal Sonic figure that I picked up at the thrift store I used to work at. He was like, maybe a dollar? Kind of a steal.

I grabbed one of those Pixel Pals lights back when it seemed like they were getting discontinued. They had a bunch on pretty deep discount (like $4 when normally they were like $15), so I grabbed Sonic.

I don't have a super good photo of this, but I was gifted the Orbot and Cubot figures I think for a Christmas or a birthday by the same friend that got me the Sonic nendo.

This is a mixed photo of a bunch of different figures I got at different times. Sonic, Tails and Knuckles are from the 25th Anniversary collection by Tomy, and I bought them when we arrived in Nevada as we were moving out of Colorado. Eggman and Mecha Sonic are, once again, from the same friend that got me Orbot, Cubot, and the Nendo Sonic. I cannot express how much I love them, and I love that the Tomy figures are almost in the correct scale.

Now we're gonna get into things I REALLY don't have good photos of...

This horrifically blurry photo is probably from 2007? 2008? It's my Sonic 06 preorder statue, my Sonic Adventure 2 "10th Anniversary" pin, and my "Thanks for all your support!" pin from Sonic Team. I'm sure I have a clearer photo of these somewhere, but I can't find them. I could also, like, take new photos of some of this stuff, but where's the fun in that?

While digging through my imgur looking for photos, I found this photo of a Sonic 20th Anniversary plush. I couldn't remember where I got it, but given he's in a photo with some books I picked up at the thrift store I used to work at, I'm assuming he came from this same haul.

Getting increasingly difficult to find photos now... digging through twitter...

This is the... 15th? 20th? Anniversary Sonic 1 + 2 Album that famously features Masato Nakamura's demo tracks. I think this was Christmas 2011 or 2012. Not pictured, but I also have the soundtrack to the original Sonic Adventure.

This was Christmas 2021. Eggman and Metal Sonic are part of a KidRobot collection and came from my sister-in-law's parents. The Sonic coffee mug was the last Christmas present I ever got from my Mom, and unfortunately it was one of those super cheapo ones where the print washed off the first time it went through the dishwasher. I think this was the same Christmas those in-laws got me that short little Werehog action figure.

This is a Hallmark keepsake ornament that I think was intended for Christmas 2022, but didn't arrive until April 2023. They are beautiful. Also got Sega Genesis and SNES ornaments with them, which have little switches on them to play VERY loud music.

For Christmas 2023, my brother got me this limited edition flocked Knuckles Funko Pop. Some of the only Funko Pops I have are from my brother because it's kind of his thing, and I think this guy looks alright.

This hardly counts because it's definitely not official, but a friend pointed out one of those "daily pop culture t-shirt" sites was selling a shirt that was Sonic crossed with Mega Man. Literally the first fangame I ever worked on was something called "Sonic Infinity" that was Sonic + Mega Man X and it looked extremely similar, so I couldn't pass it up.

And then finally, most recently, a few months ago I was out running some errands and I saw some Sonic blind bag backpack charms, so I grabbed one and got this guy out of it. He's surprisingly big, solid, and well made! Paint is a little wobbly but I'm impressed regardless.

I think that's about it, though maybe I'm forgetting one or two things. There ended up being more than I expected.

[elizabeth-karenina]

🎉If you get this, answer with 3 random facts about yourself and send it to the last 7 blogs in your notifications, anonymously or not! Let's get to know the person behind the blog.

Thank you, T.J. my dear! It was kind of you think of me. @1980s-jean-ralphio

I am deathly afraid of spiders. I truly do think I have full-on arachnephobia, because every time I see one my body completely shuts down. I just can't handle them, they're too frightening for me.

I collected a lot of off-beat things when I was a kid. Idk if y'all remember, but back in the mid-90's, McDonald's had a line of mini-Barbie dolls from around the world, and I tried to get as many as I could. The years changed over to the 21st century when I was about 9, and during that time, the U.S. minted new quarters with an image of every State in the Union on the back of them. I tried to collect as many of the Millenium Quarters as I could, too. Every time I went to the beach, I got to keep a few seashells in a bucket that was kept in my basement. I kept all the movie ticket stubs whenever I went and saw a movie, too. I was also very fixated on the DK Eyewitness books, and I tried to get as many of those as I could as well.

When I was in middle school, a bunch of my friends on the bus I rode shared a green composition book that we passed around to each other for a couple of days. Once that girls' time was up, they'd pass it on to the next girl. In it, we would draw pictures, write fanfictions, tell jokes, paste pictures of movies and TV shows we loved, share what we were feelings about our lives. It was kind of like The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, but with a book. I'm very sad that I wasn't the one who ended up keeping the book; I would've treasured that thing for life.

[legendarywolf2022]

Chapter 13: Check in with the Cooper Gang

(While Wolf and Catalina are going to see Diane, let’s see what’s going on with the Cooper Gang.)

⏰ 10th of July 2022, 02:45pm ⏰

🌎 Diane’s Place, Los Angeles 🌎

During the driving to Diane’s place, Wolf couldn’t stop thinking about what happened back at the alley. He wanted to remember what happened between him and the leader of those bunch of rabbit thieves, but he couldn’t. He doesn’t know about kung fu moves either, so how’s that even impossible for him to actually do or that he could not remember everything?

Once they got there, Catalina noticed Wolf’s mood of depression. She knew that smell of different emotions from each wolves and she would understood what was happening in their heads.

“Wolf?” Catalina spoke, “Is everything alright?”

Wolf sighed, “Not really, I don’t know…”

“Is it what happened between you and those bunnies?” Catalina asked.

Wolf groaned slightly, “I want to remember what happened but I can’t.” He paused before he added, “I don’t even know kung fu.”

“I know it may not be easy to remember,” Catalina said. “But I’m sure you will if you don’t force yourself to remember.” Wolf looked at her and he was about to say something when Catalina spoke again, “There’s a saying; ‘Stop fighting, let it flow’. It means you just have to let those things happen, let the life you have flow and don’t try force it. Because if you do, then you won’t find the answer.”

“Whoa…” Wolf spoke under his breath.

“Now, come on.” Catalina nudged Wolf with her elbow, “We don’t want the governor waiting and end up being late like yesterday, now do we?”

Wolf chuckled as she was right, they need to go to see Diane. They got out of the car and head to the house where Diane lived. Wolf knocked on the door and wait, both he and Catalina smiled and the door was open just to see a human girl with long light blonde hair that was so silky soft, she had to tie it back as a down ponytail and her light blue eyes sparkles as well when the sun shines on her face.

“Um,” Wolf wasn’t sure what to say. “Hi, you must be…”

“Sophie,” the young woman spoke. “Sophie McDonald.” She was wearing dark blue and sliver detailing dress with a plan blue cardigan with golden pearls that looked like a flower with a light pink and white bow on her right, her shoes were boots-looking short-heels of dark blue and white with a pink bow on the middle of the laces. She also wearing white shocks, sweet dark sliver glasses, light creamy brown cap-looking hat, golden pear earrings, a light creamy brown and gold water that looked so old but still worked, and last she had a golden ring that got three light pink pearls.

1. Dress - this city is like a dream that filled with art, history, freedom and romance after friendship and before family comes first. Everyone feels like Los Angeles is at day while France is at night.

2. Shoes - inside the handbag filled with books of great imagination and history, ready for a lovely time at the library when she done her work as a photography.

3. Socks - the most delicate paint that gently brush away from the darkness and brush into the light from the heaven above, and only everyone should know that this paintbrush can tell that the story.

4. Glasses - criminals will not be hoping to hide their crimes for much longer.

5. Hat - rule number 5; Make sure to keep your hat all time in case the wind will catch it and blow away.

6. Hairstyle - there are someways to keep calm while the work can be so stressful, and that you don’t have to wait for the time to finish. Daydreaming about dreams while relaxing and breathe easy.

7. Earrings - pearls are the only thing that keeps the girl stand up tall just to prove that she is a true leader.

8. Watch - rule number 8; Always make sure that your watch is telling the truth of time itself of olden and not itself of newly.

9. Ring - the golden is like a sun and the pink is like a blossoms that the two combined into something unexpected of friendship and love.

“Sophie,” Wolf said. “And you’re the babysitter for Mr Whiskers?”

“Sadly, yes.” She mumbled. “But hey, at least he’s not as hard as my grandmother’s cat.”

Just then, Mr Whiskers came behind Sophie’s shoulder with a ‘meow’ sounds of welcoming before jumping into Wolf’s arms and both of gave each other a cuddle. Mr Whiskers then noticed the girl next to Wolf and meowing a question.

“Mr Whiskers,” Wolf said. “Meet Catalina. Catalina, meet Mr Whiskers.”

“Hi,” Catalina waved at that kitten. She then reached out with her hand and Mr Whiskers sniffing before he letting her stroke his ears and suddenly jumped into Catalina’s arms who suddenly had her hair fuzzed up as she started to stroke Mr Whiskers who was enjoying her attention to him.

Wolf smiled before goes to Sophie, “Okay. Is Diane in or…?”

“She just went out to get something from the shop,” Sophie said. “She will be came in five minutes, so if you don’t mind coming in because that would be great.”

Wolf and Catalina smiled before entering the house…

🐺🐍🕷🦈🐟

Meanwhile, somewhere in Los Angeles, Sly Cooper and Carmelita Fox arrived at one of their hideouts where Bentley and Murray were waiting for them.

“We’re back.” Sly said, putting his cane and his red backpack down on the floor next to the door.

“Guys!” Murray rushed towards them and without any warning, he gave them one of his bone-crushing hugs. “Man, the Murray is so glad to see you back!”

“Murray…” Sly struggle to breath, “Too tight.”

“Can’t breathe…” Carmelita agreed.

“Oh, sorry.” Murray said nervously and speechless, he then released them so they could breathe as they catch some air.

“So,” Bentley spoke. “How did the mission go?”

Carmelita sighed before replying, “Not great. Those rabbits slipped me, before I could catch them.”

“So we have nothing,” Bentley rolled his eyes.

“Not exactly.” Sly said before showing them the medal he stole from Mr Wolf. “I still have that brooch they were after in the bank. It must be really important if they were after only this and not even touched the money.”

“Really?” Bentley asked.

“Also they mentioned someone named Shere Khan.” Carmelita said. “We believe he is the one giving them orders.”

“I might look into that,” Bentley said. “With the new clue, we might actually have lead before the events of Art Museum that we were invited by Governor Foxington.”

“Yeah, her…” Carmelita said who wasn’t sure to see the governor herself…

“That's great.” Murray said, “This is gonna be great heist ever!” Carmelita cleared her throat, indicating something to Murray. “Oh, right. great mission heist for justice ever!” Carmelita technically just wanted to hear "great mission" instead of "great heist", but looking at Murray's cheerful expressions, she let slide, as she didn't want to ruin it.

Bentley then looked at Sly with disapproving gaze. “Now, can you tell me what exactly happened?” He asked.

“Well,” Sly chuckled. “Funny story, I… kind of got into a chase.”

Bentley then rolled his eyes before facepalming himself, “Seriously?” He groaned in frustration. “You were spotted by local cops and got into a chase?”

“What?” Sly asked before replied. “No, you guys don’t understand. I… chased someone.”

Bentley, Murray and even Carmelita looked at him in shock. They have no idea that Sly would chased someone, usually someone would chase him.

But then girl's eyes widened in realisation, and then glared at raccoon who gulped as he got nervous from her angry look. “By someone, you mean that wolf?”

“Yes?” Sly nervously replied. “He kinda took my hat and I said to myself, that it wouldn't take long and started to chasing him thinking I would catch him soon. But I guess I underestimate him as it turned out to be more trickery.” Sly secretly like that he chased someone for once, and it was well worth it. Especially it was something unexpected between him and… Wolf…

Carmelita still gave him the look, but then she was smirking. “At least, you know how I felt when I tried to catch you all the years.”

Sly couldn't help but rolled eyes, but also smiled at her, feeling relieved that she's no longer angry at him. Well, at least not in upseting way.

“Wait, wait, wait.” Bentley said while waving both hands. “Did you say… wolf? You don't mean...?” Bentley paused as he wasn’t sure to say…

“No, it’s not him.” Sly replied, “He's name is Mr Wolf.”

“Mr Wolf?” Carmelita asked, “For real? What's then his companion name; Miss Spider?”

Murray look uncomfortable at mentioning of spider.

“Actually, it's Miss Tarantula.” Sly said, then saw Carmelita looked at him in disbelief. “I'm not bluffing, that's how they actually introduced to me.”

“Hold on!” Bentley spoke, getting everyone his attention. “I think I saw of names somewhere before. Just give me a minute.” He checked his laptop over Thiefnet to look at it. “Hmmm, let’s see… A-ha! There it is. Mr Todd Wolf and Miss Zoe Tarantula. They are the members of a gang that they called themselves the Bad Guys.”

“Bad Guys?” Carmelita asked, “Seriously?” Carmelita wasn't sure what to think of this. It sounded like they're some villains. She looked at Sly with raised eyebrow, looking for explanation.

“Look,” Sly said. “I know how it sounds, but I was with them long enough to know that they're are not bad people.” Carmelita wasn't convinced so… “Bentley, you don’t mind to research more about them.” He asked Bentley.

“Ok, let's see. You said you met two of them, right?” Bentley asked and both of them nodded in confirmation. “Okay, it seems that Mr Wolf is the leader of the Bad Guys, a getaway driver…” Murray’s ears pearked in interest after mentioning that, “…and of course a picpocket thief.”

“I can confirm that, since he did pickpocket me of this.” Sly said before pointing at brooch in his hand. His friends were shocked after hearing of what he just said. Carmelita couldn't but chuckled at the irony.

“Did I heard that right?” Murray asked, “Sly has got pickpocketed?”

“You heard correct, pal.” Bentley said while smirking. “Though it's still unbelievable to hear it.”

Sly laughed sarcastically, “Laugh it up, but you can't deny that he has skills. He's kinda like me.” Sly was shocked when Wolf did pickpocketed him as he was… closer to him…

“That explains why he's the second most annoying person.” Carmelita smirking.

“Aww.” Sly said sarcastically again, “Am I still your number one? I'm flattered.”

“Can we focus please?” Bentley asked.

“Sorry,” Sly replied. “Go on.”

“Okay,” Bentley said before checking the profile. “As for Miss Tarantula, it looks like she's a hacker. A very talented from what I reading of her accomplishments.” Bentley was speechless at her talent for technology.

“Sounds like you found a worthy opponent here.” Sly said.

“Please,” Bentley rolled his eyes. “I will be a judge of that.” He then looked at the screen. “But I do admit, her track record is remarkable.”

“Uhh,” Murray said. “I don't know guys. The Murray had bad experience when it comes to spiders.”

“Murray, I can assure you that she's not like the Contessa.” Sly said. “She risked her life to protect Wolf.”

“I can confirm that since I saw it too.” Carmelita explained. “She's definitely brave and also feisty, which is pretty admirable. And that comes from someone who's also not fond of that widow.”

After hearing encouragement, Murray couldn't help but smiled. “Okay. If it friends say it's okay, then the Murray is okay with it too.”

“There are also another members mentioned.” Bentley said. “There is Jason Shark, who is master of disguise, then there Martin Piranha who is a muscle of team.”

“Sounds like the Murray.” Murray said as he was indeed the muscle and also loves disguise himself.

“And last but not least Mr Asmodeus Steven SnakeAttacker, a.k.a. Mr Steve Snake,” Bentley said. “The safe-cracker and 2nd in command.” Bentley then looked at the screen. “There's also mentions of sixth member, a spy or something, but there is nothing much about. Probably just a rumour.”

Carmelita tensed up at mention of Mr Snake due to her unpleasant experience with another serpent. Sly put his hand on her shoulder assuring that this is not the case, at least he hoped. But then the vixen's eyes widened as she remembered something. “Wait! Now I know where heard of them.”

“You do?!” Sly, Murray and Bentley asked at the same time.

“Yes,” Carmelita said. “There was an incident in Louvre, where portrait of Mona Lisa was stolen. I remembered how Chief Barkley was furious as he was yelling 'How one of Bad Guys stole Mona Lisa disguised as the Mona Lisa?’ I guess we now know which one it was.”

“Wow…” Murray said.

“Unconventional, but effective for sure.” Bentley said.

“Wait.” Sly Cooper. “How come I am hearing about now?”

“Because it happened, during our traveling back in time to Ancient Egypt after finally finding about whereabouts.” Carmelita explained. “I only learned about this after we brought back.”

“She's right.” Bentley said. “It is mentioned right here along with bank robberies, stealing jewels, crowns, some art, statues, trophies and even some old juboxes and many more. But apparently they turned themselves in a year ago and they were released recently. The last ones were Mr Snake and Mr Wolf who got released only a week ago for good behaviour.”

Carmelita rolled her eyes, “Not really a good behaviour from Wolf who was being snappy towards me.”

Murray looked over Bentley's computer just to see the image of Bad Guys. “Hey, wait a minute... weren't they yesterday on news?” Then Murray was on his phone that played this video of someone recording the chase.

“Whoa,” Bentley said as he was the car chase between the Bad Guys and the girls. “I would say that Wolf's crazy driving skills are similiar to yours, Murray.”

“The Murray know, right?” Murray said while being impressed by the video showing him.

“Does Governor Foxington knows about this?” Carmelita asked, not knowing that she was gritted her teeth once she said the governor’s name.

“I guess so,” Bentley said. “But I don’t know.”

She then had something popped in her head; “Does Mr Wolf have any enemies except the Rabbit Herds?” She asked.

“Aside from police no, not at all.” Bentley said once he checked in his computer. “Why?”

Carmelita looked again at Sly for more explanation, Sly sighed before replied. “Oh, right. I didn't tell the whole story. Remember how I mentioned that he did pickpocket me over this?” He asked as he held the brooch, they nodded as he continued. “It was right after I finally caught him to get back my hat. When I tried to retrieve it, we were ambushed by Rabbit Herds. I knew they were after that brooch and they thought that I still have it. I was sure they would chase me and then I would lure them to a prepared trap. But I didn't expect their sudden interest on Wolf. Having no other choice I have to took him and Tarantula with me for their safety.” He then sighed, “That's why I called Bentley for backup.”

“That still doesn't explain why they're after him.” Carmelita said, crossing her arms.

“If I remember correctly,” Sly said. “After they saw Wolf, they mentioned that he resembles someone named Akela Wolfervile. Does it ring a bell?” Everyone shook their heads, Sly sighed again. “Then I’ll look into it. I don't know what is going on, but it seems that Wolfervile guy is somehow connected with Shere Khan, those rabbits mentioned. So, we have to better look into it once we check on Wolf.”

“WHAT?!” Bentley and Carmelita asked Sly at the same time.

“What do you mean 'check on Wolf'?!” Carmelita asked.

Sly looked at Carmelita with seriousness. “Carmelita, those rabbits are on the loose and they will definitely go after him. And after what he had done to their leader, they will not hold back.”

“But this doesn't concern us, does it?” Bentley asked confused as he looked at Murray who shrugged in confusion as well.

Unti Sly angrily slammed at side of van that make everyone startled. “That person is in danger because of me! He got involved because of my mistakes!”

“Sly, you don't know for sure.” Bentley said, “They would probably found about him sooner or later.”

“Still, I can't just do nothing,” Sly replied. “While there are dangerous people, who will go after him and anyone close to him. This is my responsibility, I have to fix this.”

No one said a word as they could see how serious their leader is, and to tell the truth he has a point. So there was one thing to do.

“Alright,” Murray said. “Then you can count on us. Cooper Gang sticks together, no matter what.” Sly looked at Murray suprised.

Bentley only smirked in response, “You honestly didn't expect us to leave you behind. As much as I think you're crazy, we are still team. As Murray says; Cooper Gang sticks together no matter what.”

“Yeah!” Murray shouted while raising his fist.

Sly smiled as he was feeling grateful for his friends. “Thanks, guys.” He then looked at his girlfriend who was quiet the whole time as she looked at back with troubled face. “Carmelita?” He asked.

She didn't say a word, until she finally asked; "Can I talk to you for a minute?" They went outside of their hideout so they could be alone.

“What is it?” Sly asked.

Carmelita looked at sternly with slight concern in her eyes. “This has nothing to do with… you know… what happened on the roof, is it?”

Sly slightly avoided the gaze from her, “I don't know what you reffering to.” He mumbled slightly.

“Don't play dumb on me.” Carmelita spoke. “You saw it too, didn't you?”

Sly turned head away from her as he knew what she was talking about. That day where the dark red wolf attacked, those movements, the growling, that hunt for blood in the air, those eyes... it was like looking at the mirror. A twisted mirror with red glint. His hand turned into a fist as he still held the brooch in tight grip, trying to not break it. Carmelita saw it as her ears dropped a little. She didn't like to bring that memory, but she knew it's something that both can't ignore.

Sly took a deep breath to himself. He then sighed as he spoke. “I don't know what is going on, honestly, and I need to find out. But what I know, that I can't let history repeat again and don't want anyone went through the same nightmare I was in once. Never again.” He turned to see Carmelita with eyes full of hope. “So, are you in or not?”

The inspector smiled at thief while stroking his cheek. “I'm always in, Ringtail.” She spoke, “No matter what.”

Sly held her hand as he smiled lovingly at her. “Thanks. I really appreciate that.”

Then she added with annoyance; "Though, I would rather not see that Lobo Loco yet."

The raccoon couldn't but rolled his eyes with humor. There is gonna be a lot sibling bickering for sure.

She then let go of him as she went towards her car.

“Hey, where are you going?” Sly asked.

“I'm going visit someone while I'm here.” Carmelita replied.

“Oh.” Sly spoke. “Someone I know or should know?”

“More like someone I haven't seen a long time ago.” She said in melancholic tone as she had a distant look in her eyes.

That didn't go unnoticed by thief. As worried as he was though, Sly didn't press on as he let her go, knowing that this is something personal for her only.

🐺🐍🕷🦈🐟

At Diane’s place, Wolf and Catalina were heading out to the car while Diane followed.

“Thanks for having us, Miss Foxington.” Catalina said while hugging Mr Whiskers before handed to the governor.

“It’s at least I could,” Diane said to Catalina before goes to Wolf. “I’m sorry that I was late.”

“Hey, it’s alright.” Wolf said. “You’re coming to the Museum of Art?”

“Of course, we are.” Sophie said. “I gotta go, my parents needs me to go see my grandmother.”

“Of course,” Diane said. “See you tomorrow.”

“Will me and the girls coming to the museum,” Catalina asked.

“I don’t see why,” Wolf said before looking at Diane.

“Well,” Diane thought about it before nodded. “As long as you stay best behaviour, that will be fine before it is a serious event.”

“I promise nothing bad happened,” Catalina said while making a cross on her chest as a promise that she would keep.

“I’ll see you tomorrow night, then.” Wolf said to Diane who nodded and smiled before taking Catalina to the car.

Once Wolf and Catalina left, Diane was about to went inside when she saw the car park right up to her house and she suddenly knew who is was; Her cousin Carmelita Fox or Carmel Foxington as it was her real name.

(Next chapter: Diane and Carmelita are talking about their lives from the past before they discuss about Wolf and The Museum of Art. Meanwhile, Snake is unsure about going to the museum after what happened last year and if it’s alright with the girls coming as well.

Just for a note; Carmelita and Diane are cousins and Carmelita doesn’t know about Diane’s crimes as the Crimson Paw.

AND! Sophie’s outfit is based on Time Princess since she was the first oc for the bad guys before Susanna came along.)

[eldritchsurveys]

1197.

Do you actually read privacy policies when signing up for new things? >> I don't.

Did you have a lot of birthday parties when you were younger? if so, did you invite everyone in the class? >> I didn't have any. My first birthday party was my sixteenth and my father planned the whole thing and had someone invite kids from my grade that he approved of. I didn't know any of these kids, so I basically had a birthday party with a bunch of strangers. :/

Do you like when things are color coordinated? >> I mean, sure? It's not a requirement but it's nice to look at. Have you ever participated in one of those “guess how many jelly beans, mints, etc. are in this jar!” contest? if so, have you ever won? >> I don't think so.

Do you think you would be good at memorizing lines if you were an actor or actress? >> I would be abysmal at it. This is something I excelled at as a child (memorised a whole play that I was just an extra in) but my retentive abilities have declined since then.

Can you juggle? >> I cannot.

Have you ever mistaken a ringing phone on tv or in a movie for your own? >> I can't remember a time when I used any sort of ringtone aside from a custom one or none at all, so no, no phone in a movie or TV show would ever sound like mine in the first place.

How often do you use bobby pins? >> I don't. But I also just got done playing some Fallout 3 so my first thought was, "well, yeah, that's how you pick locks--"

Have you ever used a pedometer? >> I have not.

Do you live on an avenue, road, drive or something else? >> Street.

Are your eyes a different color inside than they are outside? >> They are not. What were you doing 45 min ago? >> Playing Fallout 3. What will you be doing in 20 min? >> If I'm done with this survey, I don't know. Maybe I'll look at my tumblr dashboard. Or maybe I won't. I'm still bummed about making a post about something I was excited about and no one giving a fuck.

What did you do yesterday? >> Went to the Lotus Brew popup, got kimbap at a restaurant across the street from it, Sparrow accidentally bumped into someone's car pulling out of the lot (the most non-issue accident I've ever seen, you could barely tell, but people are so precious about their shitty vehicles), went down to Sparrow's parents' house and were there for like four hours, came back home and watched some YouTube in the living room until Sparrow fell asleep, then got ready for bed and hung out on tumblr and read some of my book for a couple of hours. And then went to sleep.

Are you in a good mood right now? >> I'm in an okay mood. The bummed feeling is background noise at this point, but I also am not having any other kinds of feelings. Actually I'm also bummed about it turning cloudy because I was gonna sit in the backyard and eat strawberries. But not if the Sun isn't out.

Who was the last person in your bedroom? >> Sparrow is the only other person that has ever been in my bedroom. Are you listening to music, if so, what song? >> I am not.

What do you usually order from McDonald’s? .

What is your natural hair color? >> Dark brown. What was the last movie you watched? What’d you think of it? >> Snow White and the Huntsman. It was a lot of nothing but it did have some interesting visuals. And Charlize Theron just absolutely devouring the scenery.

What was the last thing you had to drink? >> Fizzy water.

What are your school colors? . Are you worried that you won’t be accepted into the college you want? .

What is the last class you failed? .

Has it snowed where you live yet? Or does it never snow? >> It snowed in the winter, sure.

Have you ever taken a picture with Santa when you were little? >> I think the only time was when I was a baby. I don't know why my father bothered then but not when I was an actual child with a consciousness that could appreciate it... like, if you're only going to do it once, why pick infancy? Why only do it once at all? That man is a fucking mystery. What is the population of the city you live in? >> In the city proper I think it's a few hundred thousand. Or something. IDK I don't feel like looking it up again. When is the last time you were in a classroom? >> Like, 2005.

Do you have any homework to be done? What is there to do? .

Did anything exciting happen today? >> No.

What color is the sky outside? >> Grey, now that the clouds have moved in.

Do you own any clothing of your favorite color? >> I don't.

How many tattoos do you want/have? >> A million/three.

Do you use cup coasters? >> I have, but I don't usually.

Are you on a laptop or desktop? >> Laptop.

Have you ever rolled down a steep, grassy hill for fun? >> I might have, back in the day. I'd like to do it again.

Do you like to draw very detailed drawings, or just stick figures? >> I would prefer to draw detailed drawings, but my skill level isn't that high.

Do you own a shirt that says “Vote for Pedro”? >> Absolutely fucking not.

Do you like Nerds candy? >> It's okay. I wouldn't go out of my way to buy it, but I'll eat it if it's there.

[urupotter]

“…and then there was another flash, of light and I landed on the bed again!” Ron grinned, helping himself to sausages.

Hermione had not cracked a smile during this anecdote, and now turned an expression of wintry disapproval upon Harry.

“Was this spell, by any chance, another one from that potion book of yours?” she asked.

“Because it’s probably not Ministry of Magic approved,” said Hermione. “And also,” she added, as Harry and Ron rolled their eyes, “because I’m starting to think this Prince character was a bit dodgy.”

Both Harry and Ron shouted her down at once.

“It was a laugh!” said Ron, upending a ketchup bottle over his sausages. “Just a laugh, Hermione, that’s all!”

I think I know what Mulciber did to Mary McDonald.

“We are, Sev, but I don’t like some of the people you’re hanging round with! I’m sorry, but I detest Avery and Mulciber! Mulciber, What do you see in him, Sev, he’s creepy! D’you know what he tried to do to Mary Macdonald the other day?”

Lily had reached a pillar and leaned against it, looking up into the thin, sallow face.

“That was nothing,” said Snape. “It was a laugh, that’s all — ”

Those last lines are... eerily similar. Makes it seem like a rather intentional parallel. There's more:

“Dangling people upside down by the ankle?” said Hermione. “Who puts their time and energy into making up spells like that?”

“Fred and George,” said Ron, shrugging, “it’s their kind of thing. And, er—”

“My dad,” said Harry. He had only just remembered.

“What?” said Ron and Hermione together.

“My dad used this spell,” said Harry. “I—Lupin told me.”

This last part was not true; in fact, Harry had seen his father use the spell on Snape, but he had never told Ron and Hermione about that particular excursion into the Pensieve. Now, however, a wonderful possibility occurred to him. Could the Half-Blood Prince possibly be—?

“Maybe your dad did use it, Harry,” said Hermione, “but he’s not the only one. We’ve seen a whole bunch of people use it, in case you’ve forgotten. Dangling people in the air. Making them float along, asleep, helpless.”

Harry stared at her. With a sinking feeling, he too remembered the behavior of the Death Eaters at the Quidditch World Cup. Ron came to his aid.

“That was different,” he said robustly. “They were abusing it. Harry and his dad were just having a laugh.

Snape isn't Ron, so while they're paralleled, Ron is defending the harmless version of the Prince he knows, while Snape would be defending the more... dubious uses of Levicorpus in this scenario. This would even explain why Lily laughs in Snape's Worst Memory, even though she clearly disapproves of the behavior on display. She's amused at the irony of Snape now suffering from the same behavior he excused earlier. In fact, her amusement seems specifically at Levicorpus:

But too late; Snape had directed his wand straight at James; there was a flash of light and a gash appeared on the side of James’s face, spattering his robes with blood. James whirled about; a second flash of light later, Snape was hanging upside down in the air, his robes falling over his head to reveal skinny, pallid legs and a pair of graying underpants.

Many people in the small crowd watching cheered. Sirius, James, and Wormtail roared with laughter.

Lily, whose furious expression had twitched for an instant as though she was going to smile, said, “Let him down!”

James and Mulciber would also be a parallel in this scenario, as established by how Hermione says that "maybe your dad did use it" thinking of a more inoffensive scenario (like Ron and the Prince), while the real version is much more dubious, and Harry, who actually knows the truth, compares the behavior to that of Death Eaters. Mulciber would later become a Death Eater.

[littlenahsstuff]

In love, I swear.

A/n Literally my first time writing actual fanfiction. This might be a flaming dumpster fire idk. I will persevere and cringe later, but for now, enjoy.

supreme!Cordelia Goode x reader

TW:nothing much, just a big old fluffernutter sandwich. A little angst. Swears I guess.

Synopsis: Cordelia has just recruited you to be a counselor at Robicheauxs and it's safe to say you are head over heels for the supreme. Unfortunately, you aren't the one to tell her.

You always thought that you weren't too special of a witch, you had the basic witchy spells down and specialized in the people who struggled on the inside... but in a more witchy sense. You also helped the witches who needed to get their powers more developed or who ones that are just behind in school. A sort of glorified counselor you suppose. It's sorta funny, especially since you aren't the most confident, how you can talk to all of the girls. When it boils down to it you are just a witchy gal searching for love. Specifically Cordelia's. It could never happen though.

Your love life wasn't the only area you lacked in before Robicheauxs, you had been struggling to find a job suited for your interests. Let's just say that you have a lifetime ban from one of the Mcdonalds in Louisiana. Fire and grease doesn't mix.

Of course, if it wasn't for dear, sweet, precious, Cordelia, you would be living on the streets. Luckily that didnt happen and so here you are today, three months in to your teaching position at Robicheauxs.

Oh, the moment, "You're hired. I look forward to expanding the academy's family and getting to know you better especially," left the Supremes lips, the better off you were.

And yet, even with all of the joy that comes with finally getting paid, there were the challenges as well. For starters, everyone was extremely nice to you, even though you kept mostly to yourself, there was this one person that made this heaven more hellish. Madison the bitch witch Montgomery.

You had been warned by Zoe, your closest confidante in this new place and also Madisons freaking girlfriend, that she was no pleasant peach. Never in all of your doubtful thoughts, had how bad it actually was crossed your mind. It was never the cockiness that got to you, you had a different appreciation for it than most. Found the confidence refreshing almost. No, no no no no. It was in fact, that she was constantly trying to dig up dirt on you.

"You're too much of a goody two shoes y/n," she once stated with a glare. The same day you had heard Zoe squabbling about something and your name came up. Your name and the fact Madison had stolen your wallet to look at your license. It turned up later on your bed stand.

Madison's a lover of Zoe and drama you've come to find out.

It's harmless though really, you dont mind the extra bit of attention that comes with it. Its flattering so no need to complain to anybody, especially not Cordelia.

Cordelia, mmm, yeah now shes the biggest threat here. She is the reason you got this job and might be the reason you lose it.

She once caught you with your doodle journal. It was a harmless question,

"Y/n, what're you drawing?" She looked over your shoulder. You almost jumped out of your skin and your sketchbook went flying.

"Oh dear, are you alright?" She worried her lips a bit. Her big, plump, kissable lips. Come on Y/n, get out of it.

"Yes," you squeaked. Sinking farther into the sofa. She chuckled her beautiful chuckle and sat on the couch arm.

"So, what was my favorite school counselor drawing just then?" She questioned. Glancing to the thrown book.

Your face went red.

"Uh-" you paused, come on you're making it a bigger deal than it has to be, "you." You couldn't look into her eyes.

She gazed at you at you and it felt like a hole was being burned into your skull.

"Okay," Cordelia said, leaving it at that. Stood up and made to walk away.

"Wait!" She paused and turned back to you, seeing you scramble to get your sketchbook.

"Yes?" Her eyebrows raised in surprise.

"I- don't you want to see it?" You said and you slapped yourself mentally for about the hundredth time she walked in.

She smiled softly at you, "Of course, I thought you didn't. You looked scared to death, like bambi."

"Okay," you flipped back towards the page and cringed. It wasn't your best peice. You could never capture her beauty right.

Her eyes scanned over it, widening before squinting with her grin.

"It's so good!" She gasped.

"Yes, that is Cordelia Goode," you joked in a monotone manner. She slapped your shoulder jokingly, making you snort.

"You nerd, I didn't mean it that way. Either way, you did a fantastic job! I wished I looked as good as you make me seem," she muttered the last bit, bit you heard it. It saddens you to remember the damage Fiona did.

"Hey, Cordy," you started. You realized that you used a nickname that Madison did, but she doesn't seem to care.

"You know what I think? I think that you're wrong. You see I just can't for the life of me get your soft proud loving smile right. Your eyes aren't as warm and glowing as they are in reality. I couldn't manage to picture the right placement for those worry lines or crowd feet you have. You might not like them, but to me they show that you worry and care and that you laugh at the stupidest of things, which is a trait I adore. You are more perfect than any Davinci or Van Gogh," you say. You don't like when your friends feel bad about themselves.

Cordelia's tearing up a bit and wiles it away. "Didn't know you were a goddamn poet too?" She joked with a giggle, "thanks y/n, sometimes I need to hear something like that."

"No problem Cordelia," I can't help it, you're my muse, is what you want to say.

"Well, I have some paperwork, but it was nice to see ya," she hurriedly excused and rushed out.

Unbeknownst to you, Madison was watching. She knew exactly how to get dirt on you now. She had something all along.

The next week you spent daydreaming about Cordy...elia, you couldnt help but go back to that conversation. You needed to be more discrete, way more descrete.

So you made sure to draw your crush no more. That didn't change the fact you forgot to destroy the evidence in writing.

You had slept in a little too late, so in a rush you were to get to your office. The reason you had being you daydreaming about Cordelia and yours faux life together a little too long.

A bunch of new juicy stuff for Madison as she snatched it from your bedside table. It was too easy really.

She opened it up to the first page. It acted like a normal diary, just stating checklists of things to do and things you did. The size was fairly large, so skipping a few pages till she got to the juicy stuff and the part where you actually did know Cordy wasn't harmful.

It was a barf fest of emotion. "Oh Cordelia is so awesome, oh I'm so lucky to work with Cordelia, oh my, I won't ever get a chance with Cordelia, she's the supreme!"

"Ew," Madison groaned, whipping out her phone.

Then she found it, the goldmine of confessions. It was all the way in the back, meaning you had wrote it recently.

"Dear, myself

Cordelia today caught me drawing a picture of herself and said something I didn't particularly enjoy listening about herself. I can't believe Fiona would send her into such a deep hatred of herself that even with her gone she's hurting. She's no mother. Cordelia is the love of my life, even if I'm not hers, she deserves all the love I can give. She's not broken, but she just needs someone to love her and I do. I promise to give her as much love as possible without her finding out what kind it really is, I'm in love, I swear.

Sincerely, Y/N."

So she snapped a picture of the page.

After school was over Cordelia was not expecting Madison to barge into her office. Let alone with something regarding YOU of all people.

"Cordy, I've got something to tell you about y/n!" Madison sang out, waving her phone in front of Cordelia's face as she sat on top her desk.

Madison was just careless with others and too carried g about herself. It was the perfect storm. The only person who could ever take it too far to just prove a point. That there was something wrong with you.

If Madison Montgomery had taken one moment to actually think about it, she was just jealous. Jealous that another person at the coven was better than her to Cordelia. She was one spoiled bitch growing up. Guess it backfired.

"What?" Cordelia questioned in concern, "Is she okay? Madison what did you do to her!?" Her thoughts raced, Madison's pranks often went a little too far. She did kill Misty.

"Now now Cordy, don't get your panties in a twist. Here read this," Madison demanded to her supreme, she shoved it into her face and Cordelia grabbed it.

Her eyes expected headlines on the news or a mugshot, but she realized it was just your writing.

"Madison," she warned.

"Come on, I know you can read!" Madison poked Cordelia's forehead, prompting a slap from the Supreme.

Ms. Goode exhaled, "Fine."

Her eyes fluttered over the words, brows furrowing with every sentence. She couldn't comprehend, could she read?? It seemed to her as if her brain was creating what she wanted to see, but no, you wrote it. Unfortunately.

Everything's silent. Then the thought flits across her head, you like her back.

"In love, I swear."

Oh she's mad. Not at you, no, she could never. Madison on the other hand better,

"Get out of my office right now," Cordelia whispered. Madison's smile faltered.

"What, didn't you want to know your feelings are reciprocated? Come on, I'm just trying to get you two to speed up the process." Madison hopped of the desk and sauntered out.

What has she done.

Cordelia was wracked with guilt for awhile, with no way to tell you either. How does one even go about telling someone they read their deepest darkest secrets. How!?

She couldn't, so she did what she could. She pulled away from you and into her work. All of those lunches spent together stopped. The nights in the green house gone. Reading together on the weekends by the fire, gone.

And it left you empty. You had no idea what you did, but you must've done something.

So you decided to confront her, you hadn't gone much sleep since, so you were literally and figuratively tired of all of this shit.

Your knock on the door startled Cordelia, but your presence startled her even more. Both of you looked like wrecks.

"Oh, Y/n! Please, come in," Cordelia gestured and you did, closing the door behind you.

It was then that you finally broke down.

"What did I do Delia!?" You sobbed, falling to your knees. Yes it was dramatic and not even you expected it but you were holding your emotions for so long.

"Oh," Cordelia briskly moved over to you, concern painted on her face. She was watching you carefully, you looked so fragile. Just like she had felt at times.

"I'm sorry," you whimpered, "What did I do?" Her hand tilted your head towards her, but you still couldn't look into her brown eyes, opting for the floor. If you did, you probably wouldn't be able to look away.

"Y/n look at me sweetie," the nicknames never failed to make your heart soar. It was your weakness, your eyes met and they were glued there.

"What did I do?"

"Nothing nothing!" She took a deep breath, "I saw a page from your journal."

You froze, terror crept up your spine.

"Oh my god. Um Cordelia I am so sorry, you, wow I- god I'm so creepy! It's perfectly fine if you want to not be my friend or fire me. I didn't do it to be weird, it was how I expressed myself. I was trying to hide it I promise, i dont even know what happened!?"

"I'm gonna kill Madison, faster than my mother did," Cordelia groaned.

"Wh-" your brain malfunctions. Is-Is Cordelia kissing you? Right now?

Indeed she was and just like you dreamed about, her lips were so soft and her kiss gentle.

Maybe Madison could be forgiven... but not without a harsh talk.

"In love, I swear," she repeated in a whisper against your lips.

[gamerwoo]

Seventeen: Welcome to Caratland (Part 13)

(header by the amazing @cozynochu​​​)

Characters: Seventeen x reader (gender neutral)

Genre/warnings: horror/halloween au, interactive au, this part doesn’t really have anything happen so if you’re scared of death or injury or anything ur safe (but the alternate endings include death and injury so do with that what you will)

Summary: The night before Halloween, you and your 13 friends decide to go explore the infamous abandoned amusement park: Caratland, where it’s rumored that rides start on their own, empty mascot suits are seen walking around, and people don’t return the same as when they left. Can you and your friends survive the night in Caratland?

Previous | Next | Caratland Masterlist

After weighing your options, you shrugged and said, “I think I wanna check out the funhouse. It’s probably super creepy now, right?”

“That’s the Halloween spirit,” Wonwoo deadpanned, patting your back before turning to go toward the funhouse. “I think it’s this way.”

“Everybody text if you need anything!” Seungcheol called as the groups went their separate ways.

-

After a bit of searching, the five of you finally found the funhouse. It looked smaller than you remembered, but Hansol remarked that he was pretty sure it was bigger inside than it was outside.

“I think that was part of the gimmick or whatever,” he said.

Because the power was on, the lights were dimly blinking outside the funhouse. You were pretty sure they were supposed to be brighter and steady, but the bulbs were old so you didn’t think too much of how creepy it seemed. This funhouse wasn’t necessarily supposed to be scary since Caratland was aimed toward kids.

The entrance was one of those tunnels that spun around with a swirl pattern on it. It was turning slowly, and Wonwoo led the way into the funhouse, turning his head to warn everyone not to slip on the dust.

“There’s probably a fuck ton of cobwebs in here, too,” Joshua muttered, shining his light around. “My allergies are gonna be so bad by the end of this.”

“You’re the one who wanted to come to the funhouse,” you reminded him, “so stop whining.”

He just mocked you and kept going.

You were at the end of the group, but you managed to keep up. There were a bunch of weird things inside like a bunch of punching bags and slow swinging balls you had to make your way through, a room of streamers that were now falling apart from how old they were, and a bunch of other rooms that had obstacles to go through. The five of you stopped to take pictures and videos while you goofed off in the funhouse, laughing and genuinely having fun. You were glad you went with a group that didn’t have anybody who was necessarily afraid of the abandoned park.

“Can you shine your light a little off to the side?” Minghao asked as he posed for some pictures that he forced Joshua to take for him.

“Can you pose better?” Joshua shot back as he got down on one knee and bent his body down, trying to get the angle that Minghao instructed him to get.

Hansol craned his neck to see the phone screen, “It looks pretty dope, though.”

“Can I have a turn being the model?” you asked, holding two flashlights up above your head. “My arms are tired.”

“I’ll buy you McDonald’s if you stop complaining,” Wonwoo offered.

After a lot of dicking around and picture taking, you reached the end of the funhouse: the mirror maze.

“I forgot about the mirror maze,” Wonwoo whined. “Everyone stay close, okay?”

You were at the end with Minghao in front of you. You grabbed onto his shirt to make sure you wouldn’t get lost, even when he stopped to pose for photos in the mirrors.

“Shouldn’t we keep up with the others?” you asked.

“It’s fine,” he promised. “If we run into mirrors, we just go the other way. There’s only one path, ______.”

You stepped away so you wouldn’t be in his shots, patiently waiting as you looked around. But you did a double take when you saw something bright pink in the mirrors. You turned your head back and pointed your light just right to see the reflection of Eight in the mirrors. You turned this way and that to try to see if you could find where the frog animatronic was, but you couldn’t find the source. When you turned back around to see the reflection, it was gone anyway.

‘It couldn’t have gotten out of the food court,’ you told yourself, ‘it’s probably just some dumb affect the mirrors have.’

Deciding the mirrors probably were made to show reflections of the mascots, you thought nothing else of the reflections.

“Let’s go, _____,” Minghao called.

But when you went to step forward, you ran face first into a mirror. You let out a deep sigh, trying to find your way through the maze, but Minghao was already walking ahead of you so you didn’t get any closer -- it didn’t help that you kept crashing into mirrors, anyway.

“Hao!” you called, trying to get him to slow down at wait for you.

But there was no answer.

You hit another mirror, stepping back and rubbing your forehead. As you glared at the mirror in front of you, you saw Eight looming behind you. You whipped around, shining your flashlight just to see reflections of the pink frog on every single mirror, and your stomach suddenly dropped as your blood turned to ice. You weren’t sure why, but you were getting a bad feeling. Your brain going into overdrive knowing you had to get out of the maze, you figured you had two options: find your way through the rest of the mirror maze since it was the last part of the funhouse, or go back the way you came since you were still near the beginning of the mirror maze. The first option would be good since it was the last part of the funhouse, but difficult since you were still at the beginning of the mirror maze. But the second would be good as well since you had the rest of the maze to go and you were having a difficult time, but it meant having to go backwards through the funhouse all alone. So what were you supposed to do?

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There are multiple alernate endings because each choice also had two more choices so here’s all the possible endings for the other options.

Ferris Wheel Ending 1: You would get to the ride with Seungcheol, Junhui, and Mingyu and check it out. At the end of the part, there would be another choice where you could choose to either ride the ferris wheel with Mingyu and Jun while Seungcheol controlled the ride, or you control the ride while you let your three friends ride it. If you control the ride, you’d stop their cart at the very top of the ride to freak out Seungcheol and Mingyu, but from the top of the wheel, Seungcheol would spot Serenity walking toward the ride with its animatronic eyes glowed to life. He would scream for you to get them down, and luckily, you’d manage to do so in time. Junhui would grab your arm and run just before Serenity could get ahold of you. You’d decide to all meet at the merry go round since it’s in the very center of the park.

Ferris Wheel Ending 2: If you chose to let Seungcheol control the ride while you rode it, you, Mingyu, and Junhui would be too loud while messing around on the ride and wouldn’t hear Seungcheol shouting for help when he spots Serenity coming for him. He doesn’t run because his main concern is getting the three of you off the ride safely, but he spots the animatronic too late and it’s already too close. Junhui manages to jump off the ride when the cart is low enough, but Serenity already has ahold on Seungcheol’s shirt. Serenity would crush Seungcheol’s scull between its metal hands. Junhui would yell for you and Mingyu to run, and Mingyu would help you off the ride before the three of you book it to the merry go round.

Bumper Cars Ending 1: You, Jeonghan, Chan, and Seokmin try to get the ride going. Jeonghan has been making jabs at Chan being the baby all night, and makes another comment about how Chan isn’t old enough to drive the bumper cars himself. This sets Chan off and the two begin arguing with you trying to break them, up. Seokmin is frantically trying to get your attention, and points to one of the cars where Bongbong is sitting with its eyes glowing and the lights on the car turns on. If you decided to try to get into one of the cars instead of making a run for it, you end up in a car with Seokmin with you driving, and Jeonghan and Chan manage to get in a car with Jeonghan driving. You do your best to avoid the animatronic, but you know you can only drive around in circles for so long. Chan gets the idea to jump out of the car near the ride controls so he instructs Jeonghan to drive closer to it. He leaps out and shuts down the ride. Bongbong’s car slides into a cluster of other cars while Jeonghan’s bumps into the gate that fences in the ride, and you and Seokmin slide toward Chan. The four of you manage to escape while Bongbong is trying to get out of the car, and you all decide to meet up with everyone else at the merry go round.

Bumper Cars Ending 2: If you decided to make a run for it instead of hopping in a car, you’d slip on the floor of the ride since it’s very slipper, and you’d fall on your face. Bongbong would go to hit you with the car, but Chan would jump in front of you before he could reach you. He’d get knocked backwards, smashing his head off the metal midway that divides the track, dying on impact as his skull cracks open and he bleeds out on the floor. You would scramble to your feet as Jeonghan tries to hop cars with Seokmin who’s panicking, and the three of you would make a run for it toward the merry go round.

Rollercoaster Ending 1: You, Soonyoung, Jihoon, and Seungkwan would make it to the rollercoaster and decide to walk the path on the side that workers use for maintenance and whatnot. There’s a cart still left on the track, but it’s obvious turning the rollercoaster on wouldn’t be very safe. But as your walking the side of the track, you hear what sounds like a rollercoaster going up the hill. You turn your heads toward the hill, but you’re at the bottom of it and can’t see the other side of it. You make out a rollercoaster peaking over the top of the hill before you can make out Horanghae riding in the front of the ride. As the rollercoaster flies down the hill, you press your body up against the railing of the path to get as far away as possible. But it takes Soonyoung by surprise and he falls over the railing. He’s just barely able to grab the railing, dangling well above the ground. Jihoon quickly reacts and grabs onto Soonyoung’s hand to try to help him, but the railing is clearly old and about to fall apart. Seungkwan falls to the floor in shock, unable to move. If you decide to try to grab Soonyoung’s hand that’s holding onto the railing, you and Jihoon manage to pull him back up to safety before the railing can give out. You collect Seungkwan, go down one of the emergency ladders, and decide to go to the merry go round.

Rollercoaster Ending 2: If you decided to grab onto Jihoon instead to pull on him and try to pull Soonyoung up like that, the railing would break. The three of you would fall to the ground, Soonyoung landing beneath the both of you and dying. Your weight as the height of the fall would also kill Jihoon, while you managed to survive from your friends breaking your fall. You would rush up the emergency ladder to get Seungkwan and help him down before going to the merry go round.

[miniwolfsbane]

JWCC Sammy Gutierrez and body positivity

THIS IS VERY LONG! (I just have a lot of feelings!) Also, this is personal and doesn’t talk a lot about Sammy and is just one big rant. 

Comment I wrote on the S2 preview “Also, shout out to the creators for making Sammy heavy, but it not effecting or having anything to do with her character. OR have her be obsessed with food. I'm sure other 90s kids remember the fat kid trope. Not doing fat logic, but we've come so far from the old days! As a woman who had that kind of body type growing up (had skinny friends, developed early, etc. it all was uncomfortable for many reasons. Long story.), it's amazing to see this kind of...semi-body positivity that's quiet and unspoken in a show aimed at everyone, including girls.  If I had seen this character at 13, my mind would've been blown. Kudos!!”

I’m reeeally tired and getting to that point where I get emotional about stupid stuff. However, this isn’t that stupid...maybe? 

We’ve reached a milestone, a kind of apex in American society, where being fat is no longer a running gag and it’s celebrated to be thick and/or a healthy weight. (Not to say skinny isn’t cool and it’s sure as heck better than carry 90+ pounds if it can be helped, but, as I said on Youtube, lots of 90s fat tropes were had, were they not? Every body type has their problems, blessings, and issues.) But, health is also a big issue and losing weight is too. I’m all for losing weight, but I also know what it was like growing up a fat kid, then a fat teenager in the 90s and 2000s when we didn’t have representation and people like Tocorra Jones, Melissa McCarthy,  Ashley Graham and Rebel Wilson around to promote different body shapes and/or being a little heavy or curvy while still being healthy. (Melissa and Rebel have lost weight and I applaud them full circle!)

Anyway, It is downright uplifting to see Sammy in JWCC like this! Being “thicker” than her two female friends doesn’t slow her down or hinder her in anyway. She is not obsessed with food. She is not constantly eating. Likewise, she has an actual personality and an interesting secret and backstory. The fans seem to love her. She is not dressed immodestly and she doesn’t seem to have ANY negative opinions of her body type, for now. Likewise, in a fast paced show like this, no one is talking behind her back about her weight or eating habits (again, for now. This could change in upcoming seasons, we don’t know.) Come to that, she’s fairly intelligent and isn’t dumb. Like, how many times have we seen a fat, dumb person in a show. (I’m looking at you Chris Griffin and Cleveland Jr!) This could’ve gone SO SIDEWAYS in her character creation any number of ways and I’m just amazed it didn’t. However, this maybe is attributed to the show being an action show and not a comedy? In any case, I’m so glad girls of this generation can see it. I wish I’d had it at their age. (It’s probably because her VA is heavy, but heavier than how Sammy is portrayed, to my knowledge. I’ve only seen her years ago on Disney channel.  Who cares why? It happened and I’m glad.) Please be assured, I’m NOT trying promote fat acceptance, just inclusivity, relatability, and representation. 

Like I say all the time, I’m not super heavy. I never was. As I said in the comment, I developed early and had mostly skinny friends growing up. I remember being about 11 and hosting my first sleepover and someone pointing to my arms at my stretch marks, asking what they were. I wasn’t traumatized and they didn’t tease me, but I was a little (a lot?) self-conscious. Like, can we please get the idea out of our head that ONLY pregnant women get stretch marks?? (Cocoa butter companies, hello?!) They can happen to girls that grow tall fast or, like me, you can have them all freaking over because the puberty button in your brain got stuck. (LOL?) And calling them cute things like skin lightning doesn’t really help. My limbs and body still look weird.

I don’t remember seeing many characters shaped like me in shows as a kid or teenager.  Unless maybe Simpsons characters with their pudgy bellies who may be some of the most average, realistic bodies in all of fiction, really. We can’t all be supermodels and body builders. Sailor Moon girls were all thin and leggy. None of the Magic School Bus kids were pudgy, all average and healthy (which is probably a good thing in a way. IDK. Representation is great, but so is promoting healthy eating and healthy shapes. Everything has their place.)  Disney characters were mostly animals at the time, and I didn’t see Recess until Highschool or something at 3 am, and even then, there was only Mikey. Mikey was progressive, but he wasn’t female. Closest I got was Ariel’s (Little Mermaid) sister, Adella ( https://littlemermaid.fandom.com/wiki/Adella) and even then, she had no belly and never animated the same outside of the series with not much character development or anything.

Cassie from Animorphs might’ve been a close second, but, though she was my favorite female character as a kid (not anymore), it was hard to say “OMG, she’s shaped like me!” as it was a book series with few visual aides outside of covers, posters and some toys. 

I remember seeing the singing group Cherish for a few seconds on TV once. A bunch of thick, busty, heavy black girls and I was SO EXCITED because for those few seconds on TV, there were girls that looked like me! Then some years later I found out a few of them lost weight and I was like bleh. (I didn’t follow their music or anything, not even sure how I saw them again.) Not that disapprove, health is essential, and I encourage people to lose weight for themselves, but it was nice having some representation. Except health needs to come first. It’s a two-edged sword if I ever saw one.

Don’t get me started on the sheer amount of girls with small/flat chests on TV. (No offense! See above about body types. Again, it’s about representation and seeing someone that looks like you that was not common in the 90s and early 2000s) I’m picky though. I wanted to see more representation, but the minute I saw it, I was not impressed or annoyed. To my better judgement, I saw a few episodes of something I won’t name with a curvy lead. I found her times dressing up as a man unconvincing and confusing because of her body shape. Other times I was, for lack of a better word, slightly appalled at her own size, even though she somewhat looked like me. I know, it makes no sense. Other times, I was mad at Lizzy Mcguire or another show for having skinny characters with A-cups while I was, er, way past training bras and smaller bras by 14/15 when the show was new.

Swearz, I developed (pun not intended!) this weird conspiracy theory that Disney execs have to look at the Star’s mom and other women in their family before casting a girl to make sure she stays thin/average chested for the shows entire run. Outside of one show, all shows in that era had the same thin girl body type. (And not much representation for different races for Disney back then, but that’s another debate for someone to better handle, not me.) 

All that said, my shape was attributed to four things: Diet, genetics, lack of exercise and my mom’s cooking. Not sure how much I subscribe to the “genetics effect body fat theory”, but the “genetics effect body shape” is definitely a thing! And hormones in chicken. My family said all I ever wanted when I was little was McDonald’s chicken nuggets all the time, so I think that had some play in how I turned out. It’s probably too much to get into here, and no one cares about my sob story, so let’s move on.

Sammy is awesome and I hope to see more characters like her from other studios in the future. Every body type needs representation, but every body also deserves to be healthy and nourished.

EDIT: WARNING: THE VIDEO AND  THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPHS TALK ABOUT ED AND CALORIE RESTRICTION!!

OMAHGAWWWD! I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING ROTTEN IN THE INDUSTRY, Y’ALL!! (Okay, that’s obvious, but you don’t really give it thought in your day to day life.)

The video gives a summary of Jenette McCurdy’s time on iCarly and the horrors she’d been going through in her younger years, which included an eating disorder and restricting calories to an (alleged) 900. Dear lord, that is sickening.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCE1x_chT34

Granted, I would take this with a small grain of salt as it’s from the internet, and undoubtedly, many actresses, probably more than we realize, have ED’s. If they would start encouraging them to be at healthy weights, things like this wouldn’t happen. Frick Nickelodeon and frick the acting industry!! 

So, this was what I was trying to convey. Casting and producers need to find that middle ground. Don’t promote fact acceptance, but do not force your actors/actresses to be stick thin either.  I could go on a huge tangent, but I don’t have the brain power right now. If you have an ED or know someone that does, I strongly encourage you to get help. I’ve been in tight spots like that (I knew of people or knew people), but getting REAL help from a doctor, professional, or someone with a good head on their shoulders is better than hiding it or keeping it secret. Ten years down the line, you’ll be thankful you did and not have regret. No one is perfect, but sometimes you have to fight harder to find a solution and someone that will actually listen to you and take your concerns to heart. 

If I get negative comments, I’ll be deleting this and no one will be able to enjoy it. Think before you type and don’t be a jerk.

[zoessecretjournal]

Monday, April 19th, 2021

Today was a great day! I didn’t sleep so well despite the full on beach day we had the day before. It was Taylor’s last day here, unfortunately we really only got to say goodbye today as I was leaving at 11am this morning to meet up with Ryan. I let her sleep in my bed and she gave a groggy goodbye as my Lyft approached the apt. On the way to Ryan’s I listened to Shygirl and started out the window, trying to stay cool. It was the first time I would see him since all of our serious talks, and he had been spending the weekend trying to help Kathleen get to LAX (she mixed up the dates apparently) so I expected him to be tired. I got there around 11:30 am, dressed in my chartreuse green baby doll dress with a white soft tee underneath. My gold earrings, white tennis shoes and gold lobster broach as accessories, and a natural style face. When he came to collect me from outside he certainly looked tired, but happy to see me. When inside, he complimented the color of my dress and drew in to kiss me, and then he held me for a long while. He genuinely gives really good and meaningful hugs.

As soon as I sit down on the couch he plops his head on my lap, wanting me to scratch his head. I tell him he’s just like a cat and he gives me a look to suggest “so?” in a cute way. Whenever I scratch his head, he always ends up doing it to me at the same time, as well as using his other free hand to hold mine or touch me in some way. We stay this way, catching long gazes at each other intermittently, for about half an hour. He asks me about my Hinge profile and how I must have a line of suitors. I tell him about my date with Daniel and how cringe it was, but not before he asked if I kissed him!!! I lie and say no, because I never wanted to really kiss Daniel in the first place. We have fun reveling in how basic Daniel is, and then Ryan proceeds to tell me about his coffee date with someone this week with someone from Hinge. Apparently she is also “ethically non-monogamous” and only wants to make friends. Whatever.

Then we decide to walk to his car to head off to the LACMA. Ryan shows me how they just laid out new tar on his street and someone had ruined it by driving on it, he really isn’t happy about it apparently. I honestly don’t really understand the big idea, but maybe I would care if I drove. On the way to his car he is of course quiet and a really slow walker, I feel like I fumble all the time trying to keep his pace while traversing the uprooted side walks of East Hollywood. Ryan thought he got a ticket as we were walking to his car and my stomach dropped, knowing how much that has effected other people I’ve dated in the past. Thankfully it ended up just being a “thank you” note from someone he helped get a spot behind his car. I could breath a sigh of relief, honestly. On the way there he held my hand, put his hand on my though, squeezed my fingers while catching my glance a few times. He doesn’t talk much in the car and I’m learning he really shows that he cares in a lot of non-verbal cues, which is so different from the Ryan I knew as a friend.

At the muesuem, Ryan gets a iced espresso before we get in. The place was pretty empty and we weren’t in a rush, it was a nice change of pace to be outside with him somewhere in the day time. Ryan took a second picture of me (The first was while i was sitting on his couch) in front of the dome next to the LACMA. Both were prompted by him, which made me feel pretty good. During the Nara exhibit, I found that I was much more talkative, I actually expected him to make jokes about more of the art but there were none! He didn’t even laugh at some of the funny ones! I respected his approach though, very contemplative. There were some really beautiful pieces, and I take a long while to stop and stare at everything. I really appreciated his patience and how he kept pace with me, he was interested in seeing it all with me.  The big paintings of Nara’s work were pretty amazing to see up close. I’ve seen a lot of this work in art books, but those photographs and scans can never capture the way the skin of the character’s look in person. They literally look alive, you see all the blue, pink and yellow hues that make a breathing person, but with this simple illustrated, petulant face. The eyes were also a kaleidoscope of colors, his techniques I've tried to commit to memory. especially the white dot technique.

After the exhibition Ryan thanks me for inviting him, saying no one ever invites him to things like this or things in the day time. I ask why he thought that was? He replied “I don’t know, covid?” and then he sings “or maybe I’m secretly cancelled!”. I wish I would of said this at the time, but I suspect it’s because he’s sober, and I hope that doesn't happen to me. He asks if I am hungry, and I say that I am, he suggests Korean BBQ by his place, to which I agree. We drove down 6th st which apparently he had never gone down and he remarked on how beautiful it was, it certainly was, I had missed it. We still hold hands, and even tighter this time as we make our way to K-Town. We both order the Bulgogi and while we wait for our take-out order Ryan discusses with me his thoughts on the exhibit. He spoke about how long Nara had been an artist and expected to do the same style over and over because it’s what sells and rarely to those artists get to do other stuff. He then started relaying it to his own work and how dispensable art is and how we just eat content like McDonald’s. I agree with him, I explained how I felt disenfranchised for those reasons as well. We get our food eventually and head back to his apt. On the way back from the car, Ryan makes a few stories on people leaving bagged dog shit in random places in his neighborhood. He doesn’t have a lot of shame when it comes to his musings in comedy. A quality I both admire and am fearful of. When we get inside I take off my shoes and spruce up a little. We eat in his kitchen next to his two open windows with the honey suckle veranda directly outside. We both had a non-alcoholic beer with our meal which was surprisingly good.  I can’t remember much about what we talked about, I think we just were eating and played footsie a little bit.

He invited me to lay down with him in his room after we were done, so I followed him there. We laid down for some moments, very close and comfortable.I was caressing him all over, I genuinely like to do that with my partners, but specifically Ryan, hes very receptive to touch. We end up kissing and he stops and asks me if I really want to do “this” and I tell him I do. We end up having sex twice, both times Ryan tries hard to focus on me cumming. I don’t but I think he thinks I did the 2nd time. For some reason I’m having a hard time with that, and also getting wet, but I still had a great time (I was really close though) . We felt closer some how, less stress involved. I even fell asleep with his head in my chest. When he woke up, he woke me up. He caressed my neck and grabbed my face to look at it, my eyes still half-way closed. He gets up to go take a bath and I slowly come to and retrieve my phone and go sit in the kitchen next to the open window. I respond to everyone I can, Matt (from Hinge, who I met yesterday at the bonfire) had messaged me to tell me he was free all week, and he was making carbonara if I wanted to stop by. I think I’m going to see him tomorrow.

When Ryan gets out of the Bath and dressed (in a matching green playstation shirt might I add) he puts on a podcast, gets a sparkling water and lays down on the couch. I assume, no room for me, so he wanted to be alone. He was quite quiet as well again. So I decide to purchase somethings from amazon (sewing machine, humidifier, etc) and when I finally put my phone down I look over at Ryan and he was looking at me. He immediately puts his arms up to say “Come here”. As I approach he says that I can lay on him any way I like, face up, down etc, and so I lay down on him stomach down so I can still see him, and he starts to massage my shoulders. We listen to this podcast for awhile like that, and talk about random things relating to it. at some point they get onto the topic of Randonautica, in which I explain to Ryan, who had never heard of it, what it was all about. As I’m explaining it, he downloads the app! I had dared him to do it, but he actually was really interested. Funnily enough, the pin it dropped was right in between his ex-gf’s apt (Dani) and his good friend Shawn’s apt (Who they both date apparently) which really freaked him out. But just as he got the pin, his friend Shawn messaged him on facebook! He looks at me bewildered and asks if I want to meet his friend Shawn and go check out the pin and I agree. I had expected to sleep over but felt instantly rejected, but realized we had spent a lot of close time together so I should just deal with my feelings right then and there. Ryan gets my attention and re-assures me it’s just because he hasn’t had much space the past few days and he had a really lovely day with me. His serious tone made me feel better and I assured him that I was ok.

Before we head out I ask if we can take a Polaroid together, unfortunately both times they are incredibly blown out. He lets me borrow a jacket of his, even though I just gave him back his sweater and we head off. I tell him that I have a bunch of mushrooms I’ve been waiting to take and ask him if the next time we hang out if we could do them/he could babysit me and he enthusiastically agrees. Even though I tell him I am quite the handful on them in large doses, he had a look of reassurance that he can handle it. We’ll see.

We arrive in the area and walk to the pin, Ryan points out where Dani lives as we pass by. The pin was behind a residential gate with an old mustang stored in it, with both its hood and trunk open and a shovel up against it. Ryan tells me his “intention” he set for it was for us to see a UFO, which there was none. But we did see a cardboard cutout of Vegeta from Dragon Ball Z, so I guess him being an alien is close enough. We walk to his friend’s house, which Ryan had the access code memorized, they must be very close. Shaun and his friend seemed to be working on something music oriented for a game as we walked in, Shaun was very nice and welcoming. We end up talking for awhile and he offered me a Kombucha, Ryan seemed to really enjoy himself and liked that I got along so well. We hung out probably for about half an hour and then decided to head out so Ryan could take me home. He asks me how I’m doing and I say that I am having a really nice time, and he looked really happy about that and confirmed he was too.

On the ride back he had his hand on my thigh and I had my hands on his hand and the back of his neck, giving him a light massage while we listened to the tail end of that podcast. When we get to my place he tells me I should borrow his jacket again, that it looks nice. I tell him that I’m going to be busy all week but we will see each other soon, he tells me he is also going to be pretty busy. He reiterates what a great time he had that day and gives me a deep kiss and a long hug. We part ways and I arrive back home to tell Johnny some of the snippets of today while I respond to all my messages on my phone. I ate sushi and got ready for bed. Ryan texts me a bit in the evening, telling me again! how nice today was and what he was up to. It felt really easy and nice.

[current-mcr-news]

Carry The Fire Podcast with Gerard Way: Full Transcription

Welcome to Carry The Fire, a podcast where we explore the big questions of life through the lens of the good, the true, and the beautiful. I’m your host, Dustin Kensrue, and my hope is that through these conversations with people of diverse and divergent backgrounds and beliefs, we can glimpse the world anew through each other's unique perspectives.

Gerard: Fiction is something to a degree that you'll hide behind in a way, and it allows you to expose yourself… I always saw the characters that I've played as some aspect of myself turned up to 12... Overall, I considered The Black Parade to be a death fantasy… death and rock and roll were kind of intertwined… Every time you get onstage you have to be prepared to die.

Dustin: Hey everybody. It is episode five of Carry The Fire podcast. Today we are joined by Gerard Way who is the singer of the band My Chemical Romance as well as also having released some killer music on his own. He has spent the last few years though, spending most of his time writing comics, including the very popular Umbrella Academy comics which have recently been adapted into a great show on Netflix. In our conversation, we talk about creating worlds and inhabiting characters, we talk about the beauty and the difficulty of creative collaboration, the complexity of trying to incorporate time-travel into a story, and we also get into Gerard’s spirituality a bit, and I want to give a brief heads up for some of you regarding that.

Gerard is going to talk a bit about magick and witchcraft. While I’m no expert on either, I do know enough to know that these words in this context probably don’t mean what most of you think they do. Some of you might not bat an eye hearing them but a lot of you probably came up inside a worldview where someone who was interested in these things was considered very evil. Gerard is very far from that. If I can try to provide a new framework for you it would be this: Generally, modern practices of magick and witchcraft, while being diverse in form, incorporate various insights and rituals from animistic pagan and folk religion, as well as incorporating some psychological intuitions from different fields and traditions. Practitioners generally tend to be very concerned with the earth and our connection with it. While this is not my spiritual tradition or practice, I recognize that we all have things to learn from each other. I think especially the ideas in these traditions about finding our place within the natural world are a helpful corrective to a lot of the western traditions’ tendency to want to dominate over nature, rather than seeing ourselves as a part of an interconnected web of being. I had no idea we’d be talking about any of this going into this conversation, but in the spirit of this podcast, I was so excited to hear from another unique perspective on the good, the true, and the beautiful, and I hope you will be too. Let’s get into it.

Dustin: Thank you so much for doing this.

Gerard: No problem.

D: It's super good to see you.

G: You too!

D: I'm trying to think of the last time we even saw each other and I- it was probably on tour.

G: Was it on the arena tour?

D: That's what I'm thinking.

G: It's been a long time.

D: And we were playing a bunch of World of Warcraft.

G: Yeah! That's my strongest memory. I have a lot of great memories of you guys, obviously, but the one that sticks out in my head the most is when we're all playing Warcraft in this big room and you had to go onstage, and you literally had your rig hooked up, you had your in-ears, they weren't in yet, but you were wired up, and I believe you even had a guitar, and you were still playing. You went literally from the keyboard from the computer right on stage.

D: Dude, I got way too addicted to that game. It's your guys' fault.

G: It was our fault, yeah!

D: Oh dude, it was so fun. It was probably like, what? Eight or nine of us playing in a room.

G: Yeah!

D: I don't know if it was the tour after that or two, and I had started just dreaming in Warcraft, and I went onstage one day and I was onstage and I had this moment where I was like, "I'm done! I can't," because I had tried to wean a little bit and it wasn't working, so I was like, "I gotta go cold turkey."

G: Yeah.

D: And I got offstage and I gave someone the Warcraft and I said, "Don't give this back to me. I'm done. I deleted it." Yeah. Which is funny because I seriously hadn't played video games since then until I just bought my kids a Switch.

G: Okay!

D: And they're playing Zelda.

G: Zelda, yeah.

D: And I decided to treat myself.

G: Nice, nice.

D: That's why I got a Switch for the road because Zelda's the best.

G: Yeah, I play Zelda with my daughter and it's so big though. We're having a really hard time getting a handle on the game because it's so vast.

D: Yeah, it is crazy. 

G: I had to quit Warcraft too. I had to go cold turkey because it was still in my life when I wanted to write The Umbrella Academy.

D: Oh.

G: And I actually had this- I was at the crossroads and I had this moment where I was like, "I can either play Warcraft or I could write this comic."

D: It's a time sink.

G: Totally.

D: That game especially.

G: Yeah.

D: The social aspect, it just ends up being enormous.

G: Yeah yeah, so that was it. I quit and never looked back. 

D: So, I was gonna ask you, prompted you earlier to think about it. What was something that gave you a feeling of wonder as a kid?

G: Okay so, I have a couple really obvious-

D: Or multiple things.

G: Multiple things, yeah, I have a couple real obvious answers.

D: That's alright.

G: And I know this is such an obvious one but Star Wars was really big. It just was and I know it was for millions of people. Once I saw that, it was like the first movie my parents ever took me to see and I was really young, but the thing back then was they were running these in theaters for like three years.

D: Oh really? I don't think I realized that.

G: Yeah. So Star Wars had come out and then they just kept running it until The Empire came out. I must've been two or something and they brought me to the theater.

D: Oh wow! I think I remember, I think my first memory of going to a movie was seeing- Was Jedi '84?

G: '83, yeah. I think it was '83.

D: So I remember going to see that, standing in line with my dad.

G: Me too!

D: That's the first, I don't know, there's just those moments where you have those- I remember listening to certain records in my dad's car.

G: Yeah.

D: And he'd turn it up loud.

G: Yep. That's one of my favorite memories of my dad is him picking me up from school early and then taking me to go see Jedi.

D: Oh that's cool.

G: Yeah, we waited in big lines that wrapped around. Even back then, there were a couple people ordering pizza. That's one of my favorite memories of being with my dad.

D: That's super cool. What about Star Wars specifically created that wonder? Was it the world?

G: The world, I think. It was the world, the scope, just this world you wanted to live in, that you wish existed and there was only three movies back then, so your brain would kinda fill in the gaps like, "What is it like? What are their supermarkets like?" And your brain would kinda- and later, that would come into play when I would RPGs, which is another thing I'll bring up in a minute. There was a time where I was in college, or right before college, where we were playing a Star Wars RPG that I was running, and it's just such a rich world.

D: Like a tabletop one?

G: Tabletop, yeah. And it was a really great game and it was super epic because the one thing about it was everybody already had a sense of that world in their head.

D: Yeah, you don't have to build that already.

G: Yeah, you didn't have to build.

D: You just add onto it.

G: Yeah yeah, so they all knew the world so when you would describe something, everybody had a vivid picture in their head, and then anything you hadn't seen before, you would just describe, but people had a point of reference so they would know.

D: That's pretty cool.

G: But yeah, Star Wars was like the first one and I was just obsessed with that for my whole childhood, playing with the action figures with Mikey, and we had our own sarlacc pit which was a dirt pit, and stuff like that. And then the other thing that was really important to me were tabletop RPGs. So, I was in the 3rd grade at a new school, but I still hung out with my best friend who was still at the old school. Anyway, basically he had an older brother- his friend had an older brother in college and he was way into D&D and he would run D&D for us, and we're all 3rd graders. That was a major moment for me.

D: That's pretty cool.

G: Yeah, it was. And to have a college-aged Dungeon Master who knew the game inside out was a really amazing way to play.

D: That's pretty cool.

G: Yeah. And that really opened up a big world for me. So then I would go on to- so I never stopped playing since the 3rd grade and then I took a try at being a Dungeon Master, and even just from playing and Dungeon Mastering, I learned how to tell stories, and I was really into that. You'd learn things even about leadership if you go to become the party leader, or if you're the DM, you learn how to keep people engaged. You learn how to keep momentum, things moving.

D: That's interesting. I feel like that's something that maybe a lot of storytellers are not paying as much attention to as they used to. There's the book I brought you, it's called Invisible Ink.

G: Oh, cool!

D: This guy, Brian McDonald, who's kind of like a story guru. He consults at Pixar all the time, teaches screenwriting, he's very cool. But he grew up watching a bunch of the classic movie directors coming up in the '60s and '70s or whatever, and they all had this vision of what stories were and really paid attention to how- they thought about how the audience would react, imagined them in the theater, or whatever. And then, something he was talking about is he just feels it's dropped off, that interplay of trying to connect and let that influence how you're actually creating the story.

G: Yeah. I'm excited to read that. I'm a big fan of structure and I'm a big fan of outlines.

D: Okay.

G: Yeah.

D: You'll like this.

G: Yeah! Good! I'm a big fan of those things because the way I see it, if you know your whole story, and I always feel like you don't need to know all the details, you don't need to know all of it, but you should know kind of- you should have some kind of outline or a structure, and then you get to have fun because you do know the beats you need to hit, but all the spaces in between, you get to fill that in.

D: I think it's rare that anyone doesn't do that and does it well. Stephen King's maybe the only one that I can think of that just doesn't write that way, and somehow he just has internalized it or something, and it ends up working itself out.

G: Yeah.

D: That's cool, man. So would you say those kinds of things, these imaginary worlds, these built worlds, are the things that still bring you the most wonder and joy in a sense?

G: Yeah! And it's something that I wanted to do when I grew up. I wanted to build my own worlds that people could share and be a part of, and that was something I did all throughout the band was just kinda- and building all these different worlds and the people that inhabit those worlds and the details down to the stickers on the Trans Am for Danger Days, those were all planned out. So my favorite thing to do is world building. And I've done it for projects that haven't come to fruition as well. Like I was working on this sci-fi TV show for a while and I just went deep, and I just came up with- with my friend Jon Rivera, we just came up with this whole world. So world building is something I'm a big fan of. And it's something I've noticed people talk about when they're talking about either my work with Umbrella Academy or My Chemical Romance, is the world building aspect, so. World building as a job title isn't a job, but I think it's- that element is, I feel like, one of my strengths.

D: Yeah. As far as the world building, I feel like you've not only built those worlds, but with MCR, you lead in inhabiting them in a way.

G: Yeah.

D: It's fun to watch. It's scary for me a little bit, watching it. Is it scary for you or is it safe for you? To be in that character.

G: That's a good question. I think there's a bit of safety that comes with being a character, and obviously, I was looking up to my heroes when I was constructing that. I was looking at David Bowie, especially around Black Parade, that's when I was like, "I'm gonna be a character." Early Black Parade stuff was like, I had written this line out that basically said, "What if Death had a rock band?" It obviously changed from that and we all became Death in a way, the whole band, but there was a safety with inhabiting a character, and the character I was during Black Parade was fun because I think in an entertaining way or a positive way, there was this level of disdain that you would have for you audience as playing as The Black Parade. But it was, to me, a healthy kind, because you were just playing really. And I thought that was a fun aspect of that character. But then there's a lot of you in the character and it's kind of- I always saw the characters that I've played as some aspect of myself turned up to 12. It's interesting when I would meet people afterwards and stuff, they would be like, "I didn't think you were gonna be so normal when I met you," just because the way I would act onstage. And I met a lot of kids who were like, "I thought you were gonna be such a jerk."

D: That's funny.

G: Because I would play one, you know. And it was just part of the drama for me.

D: Yeah. That's cool. Have you read any Ursula K. Le Guin?

G: I love her! I just reread Earthsea, the first one.

D: I haven't read it. I've heard it's amazing.

G: Yeah, it is.

D: I just got into- I read The Left Hand Of Darkness.

G: Oh, I've not finished that, but I loved what I've read.

D: It is a very slow book, in a sense. It's not exciting, in a sense, but it's got this patient movement and by the end, I was just floored by it. It was fantastic.

G: I have to finish that one. I love her and her work, especially Left Hand Of Darkness, it does have a patient movement, I think that's the best way to describe it. And I've also loved the way that she talks about storytelling in writing, and one thing I've read from her recently that really stuck with me, this is a quote of hers, and I'm paraphrasing it, I don't know if I'm getting this exact, but she basically said, "Not every story needs to have a message. It could just be the act of telling a story. You don't have to lecture your readership or your audience, or hit them over the head with this big message. It doesn't have to have one."

D: Which is interesting because I feel like she is a very message orientated writer in a certain way, but maybe that's coming in in a very natural sense.

G: Yeah.

D: [C.S.] Lewis talked about that too, where he was like, "The last thing you wanna do is write this thing that's just trying to tell something." He's like, "Whatever truth that you actually believe, those things are coming out if you just write."

G: If you just write, I agree with that.

D: Like Narnia, apparently, started from- he had a picture in his head of a faun in a snowstorm holding a parcel with an umbrella. That's the whole world built out of that, and he loved that image, and his love for it blossomed into something.

G: Yeah! That's awesome!

D: It's super cool. So, the beginning, in the intro of Left Hand Of Darkness,  Le Guin says, "I am an artist, and therefore a liar. Distrust everything I say. I am telling the truth. The only truth I can understand or express is, logically defined, a lie. Psychologically defined, a symbol. Aesthetically defined, a metaphor." So even when you're making music, you were talking about you're making these fictions, you're lying as it were. I was watching something the other day, you said something like, "Sometimes fiction is closer to fact," or something in that range. Is that accurate of how you feel creating, that sometimes by- you're getting at a deeper truth by telling a fiction?

G: Yeah yeah. That could happen, and I think it's kinda magical when it does happen. Black Parade especially is filled with a lot of metaphors and maybe the fiction is something to a degree that you'll hide behind in a way, and it allows you to expose yourself. Because exposing yourself is really hard and one of the- just allowing yourself to be vulnerable is really hard and one of the things that Rob Cavallo said to me when he was producing Black Parade was, "Making a record, a great record, is you're almost pulling open your insides and you're pulling all your guts out," and things like that, and it's a brutal process because of that, but I think I did that on that record a lot. There's a lot of self loathing and there's the Catholic guilt I grew up with appears in stuff like Mama and House of Wolves, how you think you're destined for Hell and things like that, but it's cool, yeah. Fiction gives you a way to express these things and make yourself vulnerable and open yourself up and that's the way I like to use it, and then sometimes, there's stuff that's just straight fiction or fantasy. Overall, I considered Black Parade to be a death fantasy. A rock and roll death fantasy because I thought death and rock and roll were kind of intertwined in a way, because I think Mick Jagger had said once, "Every time you get onstage you have to be prepared to die." 

D: That's amazing.

G: Yeah! So, it was this rock and roll death fantasy, Black Parade.

D: That's cool. I have the worst memory. So, I was preparing for this and somebody was like, "Hey, ask Gerard if he really wrote the treatment for the Image Of The Invisible video," and I was like, "Holy shit!" I totally forgot that-

G: Oh my god! 

D: That you did that.

G: Oh my god! That was so fun too! I totally forgot! I gotta rewatch that.

D: What's funny too is I watching your videos and I was like, "This is so cool, these characters. We've never really done anything like that. I guess Image Of The Invisible is kinda like that," but didn't even make the connection, but it's totally that way because you were building that world!

G: That was so much fun.

D: And I got to live in it and it was cool.

G: That's cool. Yeah, I was really honored that you asked me to conceptualize a video for you guys.

D: It was fun. I don't think we've ever had another one where it was such- well, definitely not such a developed story.

G: Right. Didn't we do something too where we had lights on their helmets?

D: Yeah.

G: Their eyes were supposed to be lights or something?

D: Yeah, maybe it was like a single eye was a red laser-y light.

G: Yeah. That was cool. I'm gonna rewatch that when we're done.

D: So you grew up with the Catholic guilt, you said. Did you ever feel like you inhabited that world, or was it something being kind of thrust on you that you didn't- I mean, it's hard as a kid.

G: Right.

D: You don't even know, but I'm curious about that and then where you'd feel like your kind of big frame worldview is now on like, "What are we all doing on this rock?"

G: Right, right. My family, my parents, they weren't super religious. I come from this Italian Catholic background though so it was the kind of thing, my grandmother would go to church sometimes, but never would push us to really go. But for Christmas or something, my mom would go with her. But I think they thought, my parents thought, "This is the right thing to do. We should raise our child with believing in God and raise them Catholic because we're good. Even though we're not always there, we're good Catholics." So, they kind of put me on that path and I think the first thing I learned from being Catholic, or just religion in general, maybe it's somewhat at times specific to Catholicism, is this fear. And this fear of Hell, that's they really instilled in us. I think I was in the 1st grade or something, really young, and there was this thing that would happen where they would talk about death and Hell and all that stuff, and there was this period which, because of these classes, these after school classes, I would have these bouts of just crying. I guess I was coming to terms with the fact that my parents wouldn't be there forever or I would lose them and they would die. But then the additional fear of, "Well, if they behave bad, they'll go to Hell, and I'll go to Hell too," and so, there was this period where it was really upsetting for me, and I channeled that. I tapped into that stuff on a couple records, and on Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge, I borrowed a lot of Catholic imagery, and that second video for Helena being in a church, and things like that. So I kinda started- and in some of our merch designs too. I remember we had one with a cathedral and a rosary and all this stuff, and then that would come to a head in the song Mama on Black Parade but, yeah, my journey in terms of spirituality and where I came with that. Obviously, at some point, I was confirmed in the 5th grade, so I did that. But then after that, my parents didn't have any more requirements out of me, because it was all about baptism, communion, and confirmation. And if you did those three things, you were good, then you could go as you wanted. So they never pushed me to go. And then, over the years, obviously I got into punk rock and I didn't believe in God for the longest time, and then I just started to really need spirituality in my life as I got older. And I'm more of the sense where I believe in there being some- I don't know if it's a God, but I do believe there's something.

D: Something, yeah.

G: Yeah. There's something out there, there's some kind of reason. I also believe we come from- because we do, we come from star stuff. 

D: Yeah.

G: We come from the universe. We're birthed from the universe. I'm a believer in the fact that the universe is chaos and born out of chaos and it's uncontrollable, and there's kind of no rhyme or reason to anything, and tragedies and accidents and bad things happen and good things happen, and it's really just chaos being this constant true thing in the universe, and I came to those discoveries through my study of magick, occultism, and things like that, which I was inspired to do by my friend Grant Morrison. He's kind of like a big brother to me, mentor, he's really supportive and he's very into magick. And so I became interested and he's given me some lessons, and I actually wanted to do a podcast one day with him where I literally just sit down with him and have him talk about magick, because the way he describes it is, you would almost need it to be recorded to fully explore all the theories and things like that. So, I started to need magick, high magick, chaos magick, and eventually witchcraft, and witchcraft is something I felt more comfortable with because I always felt like, when I was reading about chaos magick, it felt like it was about making the universe bend to your will, whereas I was looking for something more that you were in service to the universe.

D: Interesting.

G: I think I got this from reading Crowley's book on magick, but basically, I don't know exactly what he said, but basically reality is your perspective. And that was kinda one of the key points of magick, your brain builds your reality.

D: Yeah.

G: And I thought that was a really great take away from all that. So, yeah, I've been interested in spirituality and things like that and studying shamanism, and all that stuff. We, with our daughter, we didn't raise her with religion, but we, Lindsey, my wife, is really spiritual too. Not like a practicing witch or anything, but she's just naturally adept at those kind of things. She's really in tune with nature, she knows a ton about herbology, a lot of the founding cornerstones of witchcraft is just kinda part of her life. And so, we do raise Bandit with- Lindsey teaches her all about herbs and plants and we have a witch's garden, and communicating with nature and trees and animals and things like that. So we're teaching our daughter that there is a kind of magick to life and magick does exist. It's not Harry Potter magic, but you know.

D: A lot of that seems like it's about an embodiment, a connectedness to everything, to other people.

G: Yeah, connectedness, for sure, yeah. And just teaching her that she's connected to the universe. And if she grows up and wants a different kind of religion, that's great too, and I know I explored those. I was looking for a religion in art school, because I had a class where we had to study all the religions, or most of them. And I kept going from each one and I was like, "I like bits of this one, but I don't like that." I couldn't find one that I landed on until I got later in life into more spiritual things like magick and witchcraft.

D: Cool. So with something like witchcraft, which for a lot of people are gonna hear it and have not at all the idea that you're talking about I think, so something like the idea of goodness in that, where does that derive from? Is that coming from the inter-connectedness? It seems like there's a moral view to it rather than morality being a decree maybe. It's something that arises out of those connections?

G: Right right, yeah! I think the positivity in it, to me, and here's the thing. I don't consider myself a practicing witch or anything like that, I just read a ton of this stuff. And that's one of the things they kinda warn you about with magick and everything, you could read all the books you want and some people spend their whole life reading books and never practice, but the thing they tell you to do is practice. And I think yeah, the goodness comes from being in service to the earth. Being connected to that and also, what I've learned about witchcraft, or at least the kind of witchcraft that I like, is it's very gray. It's not black magick, it's not totally white magick, it's just understanding that the universe and all things in it are very gray, there's no black and white to everything. And I've really liked that the most, because I get older- when I was younger, I was very black and white about a lot of things. Especially in the earlier days of My Chemical Romance, everything was really military and rigid, and black and white, and this is right and this is wrong. You kind of get older and you start to realize, "No, things aren't that simple. Not everybody's all good or all bad. There's a grayness there." 

D: Which, I think, I have a song of the latest Thrice record called The Grey and it's dealing with that idea of deconstructing the black and the white, and I think the biggest danger there is the idea that even if there was straight black, straight white, you are betting a lot on your ability to discern it at any given moment.

G: You are.

D: And then if you are actually holding to it, and you're basically betting on your ability to discern this thing and now it's of the most ultimate consequence and you filter out everything that doesn't fit into that, which is basically a bunch of yourself and a bunch of everyone around you.

G: Yeah, exactly, yeah.

[ad break]

D: So I have a couple questions I’ll pepper in here from some of the Patrons. James Corvit said, “What is the purest form of goodness you’ve experienced as a human being, and how do you explain it?”

G: Purest form of goodness.

D: I don’t know, it’s deep.

G: Yeah.

D: I don’t know if that’s from someone or just internally.

G: The purest form of goodness. It’s a tough question but it’s a great question. I think the purest form of goodness is forgiveness. Or that would be something I would say is a very strong form of goodness. Even when you see people that the most terrible things happen to them, like a serial killer murders their loved one and then some of these people, not all of them, and I don’t blame the ones that don’t find forgiveness, but some of them find forgiveness and are able to forgive people for the most atrocious things, and so that feels like a really powerful form of goodness.

D: Yeah, I feel like in the middle of me deconstructing a lot of that stuff, something I was like- the idea of grace and forgiveness is something that goes deep there and I’m not willing to let go of that. Over the centuries, there’s been countless efforts to define beauty. Aristotle defines beauty as having “order, symmetry, and definiteness.”

G: Hm.

D: But it’s always struck me as a fairly anemic version of beauty. And then I saw on the cover of the My Chem single Sing, there’s a question on there that says, “Would you destroy something perfect in order to make it beautiful?”

G: Right.

D: This makes me think that you probably also take issue with that definition a bit. I wanted to ask, is there something about brokenness that’s near the heart of beauty for you?

G: Absolutely, yeah. And that, I was trying to remember that phrase a couple months ago too, that was on the cover saying, yeah, “Would you destroy something perfect to make it beautiful?” And yeah, I think beauty is way more complex than symmetry and I think there is a brokenness to beauty. I think, you look at a lot of musicians, you could arguably say from a certain perspective, if you subscribe to symmetry and things like that, a lot of musicians or front-people, men and women in bands, some of them you could say they’re not traditionally beautiful, or not what you would think is beautiful, but something about their vulnerability or their confidence and things like that, make them beautiful. And that’s in any case, even non-musicians. Like people that just go to work in the world and have normal jobs, there is something about beauty that is much deeper than just what you see visually.

D: One of the Patrons was saying that, “My Chem’s music reinforced to me and my friends that being an outcast was okay.” Was that something that you wanted people to feel? What were things growing up that made you feel like it was okay to be an outcast or a misfit?

G: I think by the time I was definitely not in elementary school- well, I didn’t have to struggle with being an outcast in elementary school. I actually went to a really cool school, it was just a normal public school, but the one thing I thought looking back that was very interesting about those years is we all got along, we were all friends, even the weirdest kids, and a lot of kids would just have these parties back then and everyone was invited. And then my first real experience with being an outsider was going to middle school, and then so, you aren’t all friends anymore, and there’s all divisions and cliques and things like that, and then I found myself to be one of these outcasts, one of these weird kids that listened to heavy metal and wore flannels. There were only a handful of us in the school that were like that. But it wasn’t until high school where I fully embraced being an outcast. The first year, freshman year was really hard because I was really an outcast and I didn’t even know where to sit at the lunch tables, because I didn’t fit in with any of these groups. And it turns out I ended up sitting with a table of metalheads because they saw me sitting by myself and they were like, “Why don’t you sit with us?” And that’s where I would learn about certain bands that they were into, like Murphy’s Law and the kind of things they were listening to back then. But it was important for me to have something that spoke to outsiders with My Chemical Romance because when I was that age, there wasn’t anything that really spoke to me like that. Or there wasn’t something so specific to being an outcast. There was lots of stuff that if you were an outcast you listened to like The Cure or The Smiths, so of course, I found all those bands. But there was nothing specifically geared to somebody that feels invisible or is an outcast or rejected and things like that, so when we started My Chem, it felt very much like we were channeling the energy of being an outcast onto whoever listened to us. And in the early days, it wasn’t a lot of kids. I mean, there weren't any kids that really listened to us. It was kinda older punk rockers, it was very interesting in the beginning. And of those older punk rockers, a lot of them were actually outcasts as well.

D: Yeah.

G: Within a scene so. And maybe they weren’t even full-on punk rockers, they were just a guy with a leather jacket at a bar who just saw something in us.

D: Yeah. That’s cool. The Patron Jonathan Clark is asking, “Do you have any rituals or practices that you do to find your center, wait for yes, get connected, see the good, the true, the beautiful in others, or let go a bit?” Basically he’s kinda asking if you have any meditative, mindfulness, something to practice.

G: Right right. I really enjoy T.M., Transcendental Meditation. Actually, I’m in an interesting spot with this though.

D: That’s where you’re chanting.

G: A mantra, yeah. You have a mantra and you kind of just repeat it in your head. It helps you, basically when you’re doing it, it releases negative energy and tension and things like that, and it’s very good. But sometimes, at least in my experience, and this is why I’ve kinda paused my practice at the moment, sometimes it could release trauma and things like that, and sometimes you end up reliving that and it makes it- and granted, your body is letting go of it, but sometimes it’s hard and I found when it would get its most intense, I would catastrophize things in my head and be- so I would be focusing on the mantra, but then things would happen like I would be thinking about the worst things that could happen to my family or my loved one, or something bad happening to them or getting hurt.

D: Is that something that happens to you? Do you tend to catastrophize in general?

G: Sometimes. I do tend to catastrophize sometimes, and it’s something I work on in therapy. I’m a big believer in talk therapy and, I don’t try to push medication on anybody, but I always just share my experience, and that it’s helped me.

D: Yeah.

G: I was somebody who was extremely imbalanced all through the years of My Chemical Romance, and go through these extreme highs and crushing lows where I wouldn’t get out of bed for like three months, but then I would be in a manic phase, and I would be up until 4am working on zines all of the sudden, and I would say to Lindsey, “I don’t need to sleep. Why do people sleep? I don’t get it.” So there was a lot of that, and then Lindsey found me a therapist and we did a lot of really hard work and I faced myself a lot, I looked inward. And at the same time, before we were able- before we explored and did the work, we stabilized my brain chemistry. That was the key. Once we were able to stabilize my brain chemistry-

D: You were able to actually…

G: Do the work, yeah. So, I am a big believer in T.M., it’s just that sometimes I struggle with it, but I know all I have to do is check in with the T.M. center and explain what I’m going through, and actually my therapist had found me this woman who’s one of the heads of, I’m not sure if it’s the David Lynch Foundation or something else, she actually said, “You should come in, I’ll talk to you, I’ll walk you through the trauma stuff and all the hard stuff.” But I’m a big believer in it because when it was cooking, and there were two months this year where it was totally changing my life until some of the negative came out. It was, I was a more productive, more focused, calmer, more engaged, more present. I’m a believer in it and a big believer in therapy and just having somebody to talk to.

D: Yeah. That’s awesome. On the drive up, I was thinking about Umbrella Academy and I really love it in general. I remember getting the comic when it came out. The show turned out so great. Are you really happy with it?

G: Yeah yeah! I’m totally happy. At the end of the day, it was somebody else’s vision and I was able to let go of that. I think I needed to. When the process first started in making it a TV show.

D: That’s gotta be hard.

G: It’s hard.

D: That’s your baby.

G: Yeah yeah! But I was really upfront when I was talking. I went in to meet with UCP and Dawn and the people there. I was with Dark Horse and they said, “What is your goal?” And I said, “My goal is to make great comics because I already went through a whole big thing with Universal trying to make this a movie and it just drained me.”

D: Oh okay.

G: And it was full of really difficult things, it took up a lot of my time, and disappointments, and I really turned my focus back to comics because I was like, that’s where you’re in charge. Nobody can- you have an editor, obviously, if you have a great editor, you’re doing great work together and you’re making changes, but it doesn’t feel like something creative is being ruled by committee, and that’s what it feels like in Hollywood. I was really upfront with Dawn and I said, “I want to make great comics so you guys have good material to make a good show.” I ended up being more involved than that. The extent of my involvement is giving notes, especially about things like wardrobe, costumes, the look and feel of the world, the fact that it’s kind of an alternate reality, and I give notes on scripts and I give notes on edits and things like that, so I am involved for sure. But I was able to realize this is somebody else’s baby and I’m happy with the results for sure. My whole thing is the proof is in the fact that everybody loves it.

D: I like Klaus a lot and I can’t remember, because I read the comics so long ago, how true to the book that character is.

G: Right.

D: Do you feel like it’s capturing what you were trying to get out with it? G: It is capturing, yeah. It’s capturing, to me, what Robert who plays Klaus, he’s capturing this kind of sadness and tragedy to the character. Also obviously, the humor. In the comic, Klaus is a little bit more of what I call a dry goth. He’s very nihilistic in some ways.

D: Not quite as whimsical, maybe.

G: Yeah, not quite as whimsical as what Robert ended up doing. But the way Robert approached the character really ended up working and he adds a lot of humanity to the character, that maybe there’s not so much of it, or you don’t see it very often in the comic with Klaus. Klaus just does bad things and makes bad decisions and obviously, a lot of that is coming from a place of trauma that he experienced as a child, and in the show, it’s cool because the drug use is there to help him quiet the voices in his head. They explored that a lot deeper and I thought that that was really cool.

D: Is that less of a focus in the comic?

G: A little bit. I never really explored the fact that he’s constantly seeing and hearing and talking to ghosts, and so these drugs kind of quiet his mind. I’d never explored that really deeply.

D: Which is cool because you, it’s another evidence of you’re building a world and someone else was living in it, and then they were like, “Well yeah.”

G: Yeah!

D: “Of course he’s like that,” and you’re like, “Well dang.”

G: Yeah! That’s a cool thing. They’re able to point at things you weren’t seeing because sometimes when I’m doing stuff like creating a world like Umbrella Academy, a lot of it is running off the subconscious. A lot of it is, some things you don’t realize you’re putting in there. And when they look at making a TV show or a movie, they really kinda deconstruct it and look at it and say, “Well, this makes sense because of this.”

D: Some of the beauty with the comic is that the concise kind of form makes it to where you don’t always have to trace down all of these rabbit trails, but when you're trying to blow it up into something else, you’ve gotta figure out how to make sense of it all.

G: Mhm. And to bring it back to the question of a sense of wonder. That was the other thing I thought about this morning when you asked me the question was, “what do I get a sense of wonder from,” and comics were a big one. Because to me- and then I would later reinforce these feelings when I started making them and writing them. You could do anything in them and that’s really what’s beautiful about them. I also love the mechanics of them, because there’s definitely things you could do in comics that you can’t do in film and TV and I love that. So I’ve really learned to embrace the medium when I’m writing them. I think I’m writing comics that are definitely comics, and they’re not just a TV show playing out in a comic.

D: Yeah. How much do you draw your own stuff just to get your ideas going? Or is it more conceptual?

G: Quite a bit. No, I do- well especially for something like, less so on Doom Patrol but Umbrella Academy, Gabriel Ba, the artist and I have this really cool relationship and I think the ideas kinda need to start with me, and I’ll do a sketch and then Gabriel will completely reinterpret that and kinda make it much cooler and much better.

D: That's because that’s your complete world from scratch, whereas with Doom Patrol you’re reinventing something?

G: In the beginning, Umbrella was definitely my complete world from scratch and I had this idea, but Gabriel, especially even in the early days, he helped build that world. I was able to give him a couple references and I’m like, “I don’t know, maybe it’s the ‘60s, maybe it’s the ‘70s. People are dressed like the ‘60s and cars look like they’re from the ‘60s, but there's modern things too.” And he loves drawing architecture, which you don’t find a lot of in comics. A lot of people try to stay away from the buildings in the background and the architecture, but he embraces the architecture so he really built that world with me in the beginning. But we still have our process and the process usually, not always but usually is, especially if it’s a villain or something like that, I’ll do some kind of sketch, even if it’s bad, and then Gabriel will take that and make it something.

D: That’s cool. Collaboration is terrifying and super fun when it’s working.

G: Yeah! When it’s working, it’s amazing, yeah. I love collaborating, and I’ve learned to really embrace it over the years. Delegating and collaborating were two skills I really needed to get really good at, and I think I got better at collaborating after the band. Although, we were pretty good about collaborating in the band, I just got better at it though.

D: Yeah. It’s definitely for Thrice, the most fun but also the hardest thing for sure, and it causes the most tension.

G: Right. Yeah, for sure.

D: Just because you care.

G: Because you care, yeah! You care, and sometimes you do see or hear a complete vision so you want that realized.

D: I think that’s the hardest part. You’re like, “I see all this,” and you’re like, “Okay but there’s three other people.”

G: Yeah!

D: Every single time that I’m set on something, and then everyone else is like, “Dude, no,” every time by the end, I’m like, “Wait, what was I stuck on?”

G: Yeah.

D: It didn’t matter anymore.

G: Yeah!

D: It’s totally a psychological issue at that point.

G: It is!

D: “It has to be this way.” No, it could be a million ways and they’re all different and cool.

G: Yeah. And that’s what I learned too when collaborating on music, is exactly what you just said. You don’t even remember what you were hung up on.

D: Totally.

G: Because it’s just much better after everybody's worked on it.

D: It’s very similar to being super upset about something in the moment and you’re just not thinking clear, and you sleep and you wake up and you’re like, “I was real upset about that. It doesn't seem like a big deal anymore.”

G: Yeah.

D: Time travel is a big thing in Umbrella Academy.

G: Yeah.

D: Which it’s notoriously troublesome to write stories with time travel.

G: Yeah.

D: And not have it just fall apart. If you’re trying to get a specific future, you have to have a bunch of people constantly fixing these things.

G: Right right!

D: I like that way of interpreting because usually it’s, “Oh, we fixed this one thing,” and you expect it to just keep going straight, but no way.

G: Right. I really like that the show took that from the comic and really explored it. All these people making these little corrections, sometimes they’re violent corrections, but sometimes they’re very simple. But time travel is such a pain in the ass. I did not envy them when they were starting to do the writer’s room for Umbrella Academy.

D: They try to make it all work.

G: Try to make it all work. And they’d have to put up these big timeline boards and be like, “Alright, this happens this year,” and that’s what I was doing when I was writing the second volume, Dallas, because there’s not much- I don’t think there’s any real time travel, besides Number 5 coming back, there’s no real time travel in volume one, Apocalypse Suite. But Dallas is all about it, so that was the hardest volume I’ve ever had to write, because time travel is just, it’s so hard.

D: Are there any stories that you like that you feel do it really well?

G: I don’t know if I’ve read enough time travel stories. I mean, I thought Back To The Future did it really well.

D: But then I always get stuck on the idea that you have to, there’s an endless cycle of Martys that have to go back.

G: Oh right!

D: And keep- my brain breaks when I try to be like, “But what if he doesn’t? Then none of it works anymore?” It all breaks.

G: Yeah, it can break very easily, and I think almost every time travel story has the possibility of completely breaking, or at least in some person’s mind out there, it is broken.

D: Yeah.

G: So sometimes you have to take time travel stories almost at face value and be like, “Alright, this works.”

D: Yeah, you can’t- well I think part of that is on the writer or whoever’s making it to address and deflect. The Brian McDonald guy I was telling you about, he talks about that somewhere where he’s like, “You gotta spot the problem and then you just need to have some character address it, and then sweep it away,” just so that it helps whoever’s watching or whatever, it helps them be like, “Oh yeah, what about this?” And then, “Oh, they thought about it.”

G: Yep.

D: And it’s not like it’s making it perfect, right? But it gives you permission to let it go, I think.

G: Yeah yeah. And you do have to address these concerns. I realized my answer might have been possibly a little lazy about taking things at face value, but one of the things I had to do in Dallas was address every concern that I thought the reader would have. 

D: Which is great. When you do the addressing, it lets the reader or the watcher or whatever, it lets them let it go and enjoy the story.

G: Yeah, exactly. I’m about to start volume four of Umbrella Academy and I’m really happy because I don’t think it’s gonna have any time travel in it, so I think we’re a little bit away from more time travel in Umbrella Academy.

D: Alright, this is a question from Mike Morale, he says, “In his recent arc, Cliff Steele aka Robotman, regains his humanity, at least in outward form. But on Gerard’s latest, ahem, cliffhanger, Steele burns it all up after facing the painful inhumanity of someone with power to hurt him. I suppose my question is, how do we protect the precious beauty of our humanity while remaining vulnerable to those who have meaning in our lives?”

G: Oh wow. How do we protect that humanity? Well that’s a big question, because especially with given how the world is now and the toxicity out there online and things like that, how do you protect your humanity? Because toxicity, like the kind that Cliff experiences when he goes to visit his mother in that nursing home, it’s a very real thing and it’s something you have to deal with. I don’t know how you hold onto your humanity, it’s hard sometimes.

D: While being vulnerable too.

G: While being vulnerable, yeah exactly.

D: Which I guess is almost synonymous to holding onto your humanity.

G: Yeah. 

D: Because you could close off but that’s not good.

G: Yeah exactly. I know this isn’t the healthier, great answer, but I think one of the things I did was to kind of remove myself from certain social medias. But it wasn't unhealthy because what I did was I decided to look inward at that point. Instead of, and I could tell you as many harsh people are on the internet, I was much harsher on myself. I looked in and I asked myself tough questions, I really asked myself what’s right and wrong. I think about these things deeply when I’m writing, but holding onto your humanity is very hard. And Cliff, obviously, he doesn’t hold on to that humanity, and he goes back into his cage because that makes sense to Cliff.

D: His follow up question was, “And does skin make the man, or can metal reflect who we really are just as well?”

G: I believe metal can reflect who we are just as well. I think Cliff Steele is very much Cliff whether he’s a human or a robot. He’s still Cliff and I think that’s one of the things that’s great about the character and why he’s so fun to write because no matter what, he’s still Cliff.

D: I wonder if there's anything you’ve been listening to, watching, reading, that you think people should check out?

G: Let’s see. What have I been reading recently? Well, this is old but I just decided to reread Lord Of The Rings from start to finish, and I made it through the books rather quickly and they’re just such a joy to read. They’re so relaxing, but there is a real build up to Lord Of The Rings. It gets so dark at one point, and horrific, but there’s a calm and a peace to reading it. And the way Tolkien writes, you’re just thinking about the greenery and the trees and the rivers and all of those things, and so it’s a real relaxing read for as much as it ramps up. I have a hard time watching TV. I feel really trapped when I’m watching it so I tend not to watch it at all, which is interesting about having a TV show. I bring a different perspective when I’m giving notes because I don’t watch a lot of TV. And more or less the only TV I watch is edits of Umbrella Academy. But every once in a while, Lindsey will rope me into a show that she feels like I absolutely have to watch, and she did that with Breaking Bad, and I’m really grateful she did. She literally rewatched the whole thing with me, made me watch it, and it’s still one of the best I’ve ever seen. And then she got me into Cobra Kai, have you seen that?

D: No, is it good?

G: I think it’s really good, yeah. Especially the first season is really amazing.

D: I had huge doubts about if that would be good at all.

G: Yeah, watch the first season and one of the things that actually helped hook me into the show is the episodes are a half hour, so it was really cool. I didn’t feel as much of a prisoner of the television when I was watching them, because you can watch a half hour and be done.

D: But books don’t make you feel that way? They expand.

G: Books are my favorite thing, yeah. Books are- you know how a lot of people will use a television to kind of tune out and shut off and relax? I use books to do that, so there’s piles of books next to my bed.

D: Thanks so much for sitting down. It’s been so good to talk to you.

G: You too! It’s been a long time. I miss you.

[dylinski]

do 1-100, coward

I AM NO COWARD

anyone who actually reads through all this, god bless you. you can blame leigh @thessaia, i give you full authority.

1. Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?

of those three, pandora. although, i prefer apple music.

2. is your room messy or clean?

LMFAO. CLEAN? I DON’T KNOW HER

3. what color are your eyes?

brown, but they’re lighter than that in the right light. almost a caramel with a dark chocolate ring on the outside.

4. do you like your name? why?

yeah, i don’t mind it. its always been there. lol i mean i used to have different nicknames or pretend to be other people. idk i told my parents when i was like five i was going to change my name to Felicia Franchesca Sarahmichelle Lynn. don’t ask. in fifth grade (before dylan o’brien was even famous) i begged my parents to call me dylan and refused to respond to any other name for like a year. also, don’t ask.

5. what is your relationship status?

single as dingle

6. describe your personality in 3 words or less

CHAOTIC, SMARTASS, STABBY

7. what color hair do you have?

answered

8. what kind of car do you drive? color?

kia forte, although my dad calls it an orte since the “f” is missing. funny story, i  got pulled over and gave the dude my license and registration and shit but apparently, he didn’t look at it cause he put on the warning “orte” which i promptly laughed my ass off to. if he had given me a ticket i could have absolutely fought that bitch in court in won. SIR I DO NOT DRIVE AN ORTE. IS THAT ITALIAN? DO I LOOK LIKE I CAN AFFORD AN ITALIAN CAR? I DRIVE A FORTE SIR.

9. where do you shop?

ONLINE

10. how would you describe your style?

very idgaf

11. favorite social media account

tumblr

12. what size bed do you have?

full, it takes up my entire room so i couldn’t go bigger if i wanted to

13. any siblings?

answered

14. if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?

uk, always wanted to live there idk

15. favorite snapchat filter?

idk what its called but it has this higher temperature tone to it and gives me cute little freckles

16. favorite makeup brand(s)

i don’t wear make up, i used to use stilla (i think that’s how its spelled)

17. how many times a week do you shower?

i usually shower like every other day unless its hotter than a pair of saggy tits

18. favorite tv show?

that changes with the weather tbh. i can’t say i really have one. for a really long time it was supernatural though.

19. shoe size?

womans 11.5 (us) i think its a men’s 9?

20. how tall are you?

5′ 3″ or 160cm

21. sandals or sneakers?

sneakers. god i hate sandals.

22. do you go to the gym?

uh, no.

23. describe your dream date

answered

24. how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?

thats funny cause normally i don’t carry cash but i actually have $20 atm

25. what color socks are you wearing?

im not wearing any atm

26. how many pillows do you sleep with?

answered x2

27. do you have a job? what do you do?

not technically? i’m an hourly temp but i hardly get any hours since i cover for the full-time employee.

28. how many friends do you have?

irl: 0    online: too many to count

29. whats the worst thing you have ever done?

oh god, i honest to god have no fucking clue. i don’t think about this stuff. i’ve done some stupid ass shit but my short term and long term memory are both shot to tits.

30. whats your favorite candle scent?

i think i answered this one for a different ask game. i hate most fragrances and artificial smells, even non-artifical ones. i got a sensitive sniffer. im chill with like vanilla though if its not too intense.

31. 3 favorite boy names

Dylan (not even cause dylan i’ve just always liked the name idk why), Jeremy, Jacob (the other two are random)

32. 3 favorite girl names

i know these are random as fuck, but i’ve always liked them so shoot me.

Andromeda, Persephone, Franchesca

33. favorite actor?

i like a lot of actors, way too many to fucking name and remember off the top of my noggin. for sanity’s sake, we’ll say dylan.

34. favorite actress?

god, again way too many to count. i can’t even think of any right now even though i know i have some. lets say Emily Hampshire

35. who is your celebrity crush?

answered36. favorite movie?

answered37. do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?

i would love to read but my adhd makes it really hard to concentrate. i’ll have periods of time where i’ll read a bunch its insane and then i’ll just kind of stop for a while idk. i always loved because of win-dixie or a wrinkle in time, bridge to terabithia, and american assassin.

38. money or brains?

brains, then you can work for the money and you know shit

39. do you have a nickname? what is it?

sawahbwear, sassafras, whiskey, sar

40. how many times have you been to the hospital?

good lord, i don’t even know. way too many. definitely more than ten.

41. top 10 favorite songs

answered42. do you take any medications daily?

not anymore, i kept forgetting to take them so it fucked me up not being on a regular dosage so i just stopped taking all of them.

43. what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)

see, im weird af. cause like my skin is oily af, but also fucking dry and i have shitty eczema 44. what is your biggest fear?

answered45. how many kids do you want?

idfk. i mean for as long as i can remember i always wanted them, but tbh idk if im the type of person to have any…

46. whats your go to hair style?

messy bun

47. what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc)

small, row house

48. who is your role model?

dont have one.

49. what was the last compliment you received?

probably from michelle i think, or alaina. idk i don’t keep track. unless you consider kiana calling me insane a compliment. 🤷‍♀️

50. what was the last text you sent?

“thankies”

51. how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?

tbh, i don’t think i ever thought he was real…pretty sure i could put in time out in preschool for making a kid cry cause i told them leprechauns weren’t real either.

52. what is your dream car?

mustang or challenger

53. opinion on smoking?

conflicted

54. do you go to college?

disappointingly

55. what is your dream job?

no clue

56. would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?

rural, but still close enough to shit it doesn’t take me an hour to go places.

57. do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?

haven't been to a hotel in a long ass time. i do but i never use them.. FREE SHIT

58. do you have freckles?

yeah, but you can’t see them unless i’ve been outside in the sun all day for hours.

59. do you smile for pictures?

relatively

60. how many pictures do you have on your phone?

5604

61. have you ever peed in the woods?

yup, and in a parking lot, and in public.🤙

62. do you still watch cartoons?

i hardly watch tv anymore, but if i did, fuCK YEAH

63. do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?

WNEDYS ALL DAY ERRY DAY THE RED HEADED BITCH IS MY HOE OKAY

64. Favorite dipping sauce?

ew, no.

65. what do you wear to bed?

tshirt

66. have you ever won a spelling bee?

answered

67. what are your hobbies?

writing, coding, listening to music??, reading

68. can you draw?

NOPE

69. do you play an instrument?

also no

70. what was the last concert you saw?

like two years ago, circa survive with thrice and a third band idr

71. tea or coffee?

neither

72. Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?

neither

73. do you want to get married?

idk

74. what is your crush’s first and last initial?

DO

75. are you going to change your last name when you get married?

idk, part of me wants to but most of me doesnt want to

76. what color looks best on you?

i look good in all colors except white.

77. do you miss anyone right now?

yeah

78. do you sleep with your door open or closed?

closed cause i still live at home 😖 but if i didnt probably open so my cat could come and go as he pleased

79. do you believe in ghosts?

ghosts, no. spirits, yes.

80. what is your biggest pet peeve?

answered

81. last person you called

my dad

82. favorite ice cream flavor?

mint choco chip

83. regular oreos or golden oreos?

damn, regular.

84. chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?

RAINBOW BITCHES

85. what shirt are you wearing?

supernatural. dean and sam with baby

86. what is your phone background?

mitch rapp

87. are you outgoing or shy?

im an ambivert

88. do you like it when people play with your hair?

FUCKING YES

89. do you like your neighbors?

the ones on the right are bearable and the ones on the left can fuck off with their insane semen demons

90. do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?

neither, but i should.

91. have you ever been high?

nope

92. have you ever been drunk?

answered

93. last thing you ate?

hot dog

94. favorite lyrics right now

answered

95. summer or winter?

fall

96. day or night?

night

97. dark, milk, or white chocolate?

dark

98. favorite month?

umm, august? idk

99. what is your zodiac sign

aquarius

100. who was the last person you cried in front of?

i don’t remember, it’s been a really long time since i cried in front of someone.

[writeyourownlifestory]

Sucker Punched

Chapters: 3/9 Fandom: IT Rating: M Warnings: Mention of past child // psychological abuse, Fight Club!au Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Beverly Marsh/Ben Hanscom Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, learning to love yourself

Tag list: @richietoaster, @beproudtozier, @that-weird-girls-blog, @s-onora, @s-s-georgie, @bellarosewrites, @iamcupcakefrosting, @reddieonwheels, @ghostnebula, @madidraw @madi-main, @gazebobullshit, @thoughtfullyyoungduck

By the time Eddie was 13, he was allergic to peanuts, tree nuts, and several cooking oils. By 15, he had never swum in gym class and never went to a friend’s birthday party or had one of his own. By 16, Eddie knew that he liked looking at boys rather than looking at girls, though that didn’t seem to matter at the time. By 18, he had graduated high school and that was the end of his social life. And by 21, Eddie’s life had been torn to pieces.

He was a victim of Munchausen syndrome by proxy and now left without a mother, without a home, and without a clue. On top of being told he should go to group therapy, his caseworker had also suggested doing something to blow off some steam. Join a book club or go to the gym. Or maybe join a need-to-know based fight club. Either or.

Chapter’s one - two 

Eddie thought, as a nice gesture, he would surprise Ben and take him out to lunch.

He got off of work earlier than he thought he would. They didn’t have that much to unpack and restock onto the shelves. It was pretty slow on this particular day, so the need for any extra baggers or cashiers wasn’t as high as always. The manager of the store gave Eddie the option to skip out forty-five minutes earlier than he was scheduled to leave.

He didn’t jump at the chance to leave, but he took it regardless. Walking down the street, he thought it would be a good idea to head into the gym that Ben frequented at and see if he’d be interested in grabbing something to eat.

He knew Ben’s routine as well as his own. He wakes up and goes for his run. If he was closing, then he’d come home, eat breakfast and hang around the house. Sometimes he would do a bit of work in his room, rearranging some of his models or creating an online template for future projects. And then he’d go to the gym and work out for an hour or two. He’d come home and show, help with dinner and then either go out with Beverly or Mike before returning home for the night.

If he was opening, then he’d still go out running, but he would do it far earlier and make a protein shake or take something portable. He’d go to work and then get out, heading straight for the gym when he was finished, and then come home, shower, help with dinner, and then go out.

He’d usually go to the gym around the same time regardless if he was opening or closing, so Eddie had a pretty good shot of him being there.

He slipped inside, looking around in hopes of spotting him. He came up empty, but waited a bit, thinking maybe he was in the back room. He stood there for nearly five minutes, looking completely out of place in his work shirt and jeans.

“Ay, Eduardo!” A voice called out to him. He looked up, seeing Richie sitting up from a machine he was on. Ben had mentioned calling it a ‘crunch machine’ or something like that. Richie pulled off his headphone, the sound of the music muffled, but still loud enough for Eddie to hear just slightly. “He’s not here.”

“What?”

“Haystack. He’s not here. Bev stopped by and grabbed him maybe about fifteen minutes ago.” Richie explained.

Right. So Eddie had been on the money with the timing but missed him by a few minutes. He wasn’t surprised that Beverly had come and snatched him away. Any time she wasn’t in the group meeting or working at her aunt’s boutique, she was with Ben.

It was fair enough since they were best friends. Eddie didn’t know if that was what being a best friend was, always wanting to be around them and do everything with them.

Or maybe it was more than friendship.

Eddie didn’t know either way.

“Oh. Thank you.”

“No problemo. You wanna do a few sets?”

“Few what?”

“Sets, dude! Gotta work on those gains!”

Eddie just stared, babbled by whatever the hell he was even saying. Mke walked by then, slapping the back of Richie’s head as he passed. “Speak English, dumbass.” He prompted.

“Ah! Geez, Hanlon. Hands-off outside the ring.” Richie mumbled, standing from the machine.

“I think you’re supposed to wipe those down,” Eddie mentioned as Richie approached him.

“Though, do you wanna work out? I’m always down for some tag-team pumping.”

“I don’t know what you’re saying,” Eddie grumbled with a heavy sigh. “But, if you’re asking me to work out, I’m gonna decline. Not exactly in the right attire.”

“That’s fine! Just take the pants off. Boxers and gym shorts are similar enough.”

Eddie scoffed, wrinkling his nose at the idea. “Dude, no.”

“I’m kidding! I’m done anyway,” Richie reached into his pocket, turning off the music playing from his phone and detached the headphones, pulling them off his neck. He wrapped the wire around and around, tightening it before looping it through his arm to hold onto. “Did you walk here?”

“I don’t have a car,” Eddie told him.

No car, no license. He knew the town was small enough, allowing him to walk just about everywhere, but he knew how pathetic it sounded.

Eddie’s whole existence was pathetic at this point.

“Are you going home?”

“Not like I have anywhere else to go,” Eddie answered with a small shrug.

“Want a lift?” Richie questioned. “I don’t have work tonight, so I don’t have anywhere else to go either.”

Eddie shook his head slightly. “It’s fine,”

“Can I walk with you?” Richie asked, taking a step closer. “I don’t mean to be pushy. Just. Super bored and figured a conversation would shake things up a bit. If you don’t want to be bothered, just say so.”

Eddie couldn’t remember the last time he had been bothered. He thought of all the times when he was little when his mother would take away the comic books he had borrowed from the library or forced him to watch the children's programming she had found on tv even though he was over eighteen.

Eddie also couldn’t remember the last time someone cared if he was bothered. He was so used to just doing what other people wanted him to do, what his mother wanted him to do, that being given options seemed so rare and new to him.

Richie waved a hand over Eddie’s face slowly. “You okay? Your eyes sort of glazed over there.”

Eddie blinked, not realizing he had been starring, drifting off into his thoughts. “I’m fine.”

Richie bobbed his head firmly. “All right. Well, do you want that ride or not?”

“Sure,” Eddie replied, deciding he had nothing to lose.

Richie beamed, his eyes lighting up behind those thick glasses of his. He followed Richie out to the parking lot, walking over to the car that appeared to be his. He didn’t know much about the car but knew it was nice enough. An older model. He had seen it once before, on the cover of a car magazine at the pharmacy.

“Ain't she a beaut!” Richie said as they approached the car.

It was blue, or at least it was supposed to be, but dirt stains and other things were covering it. Eddie couldn’t tell if it was dented or the car was just oddly shaped. Eddie just gave a small nod, letting Richie toss his gym back into the back before getting into the driver’s seat.

“Come on, big man!”

Eddie got into the passenger side of the car, surprised to find it somewhat clean. He had a McDonald's cup sitting in the cup holder and the air freshener hanging on the mirror didn’t seem to be working because the car itself smelt like grease and cigarettes.

“Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m starving,” Richie told him as they pulled out of the car. “Do you mind if I peel into the Wendy’s on Union?”

“That’s fine,” Eddie replied smoothly.

Richie turned on the stereo the moment they hit the road. He had his music playing, a bunch of bands playing alternative rock songs that Eddie didn’t know. “You can change it if you want to. All music is good music to me,”

Eddie didn’t touch the radio. He let it play on as they drove, with Richie lowering it as they got to the drive-through. He half-shouted his order, pausing so he could turn back to Eddie. “What do you want?”

“What?”

“To eat? 4 for 4? Baconator fries? Spicy nuggets? Throw me a bone here, Eduardo.”

“My name is Eddie. Short for Edward.”

“Okay Edward, what do you want?”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Dude, it’s fast food. You don’t eat fast food because you’re hungry. You eat it because it’s cheap and filling.” The muffled, machinal voice from the ordering box asked if that was all. “Hang on, one sec! Eds, pick something.”

“I don’t want anything.”

“You just got off of work, right? Did you have lunch?” Eddie gave Richie a small side-eye in response. “Yeah, I thought so. Hey! Sorry about that. Can I get two large Frostys and a large fry too? That’s all.”

Pulling up to the window, Richie paid and proceeded to hand Eddie the bag of food and placed the two Frosty’s in the cup holders. He took the McDonald’s cup and continued to drink it as they drove the rest of the way to the Hanscom household.

Richie parked up front, unbuckling his seatbelt as he shifted in the seat, turning to face Eddie properly. “All right. Let’s eat.” He declared.

He took his cheeseburger and bit into it, holding out the container of fries for Eddie to take. He stole three of them, chewing on them piece by piece. They weren’t as salty as the ones from McDonald's, nor were they as curly as the ones from Arby’s.

The Hanscom’s thrived on eating from home, but now and then they’d splurge and they’d all go out to dinner at Olive Garden or bring in Chinese. And on some nights, they’d go buck wild and get fast food because it was inexpensive and quick.

McDonald’s had been the first type of fast food Eddie had eaten. He wasn’t too impressed with the Big Mac, finding the extra piece of bread to be something of an overkill, but the regular cheeseburger was fine.

These fries were good as well, though Eddie found himself feeling a bit concerned when he caught sight of Richie dipping his fries into the Frosty.

“Oh don’t give me that look. Come on. Don’t knock it till you try it.” Richie argued, nudging Eddie’s arms.

Huffing a sigh, Eddie relented, going to dip the end of one fry into the Frosty, taking a bite of it. The sweet and salty elements weren’t bad. The cold and warm combination was a bit odd, but he didn’t hate it.

“Not the worst.” He admitted, shoving the straw into the heavy liquid. He tried to slurp it up but found himself unable to do so. “Why the fuck is this so thick?”

“Your mom asked me the same thing,” Richie said, his smirk only lasting a few moments before realization hit him faster than Ben’s elbow did the night of their fight. “Oh fuck. I’m sorry.”

Eddie offered a thin smile, keeping his eyes on his Frosty. He stirred it around, trying to melt it a bit so he could drink it.

“I’m guessing you know all about it,” Eddie mentioned quietly. “Reporters had come around the first few days I got here, but Mrs. Hanscom chased them away.”

“I just know what Ben told me. Overprotective mom and stuff. He didn’t go into a lot of detail.”

“Ben isn’t one for gossip.” He knew his cousin wouldn’t bitch or brag about the situation. Ben was a good person. Probably the best outside of his mother.

“You probably don’t want to talk about it,” Richie mentioned, sticking his straw into his own Frosty. “You can if you want to. I’ve been told I tend to run my mouth, but I like to think I’m a pretty good listener too.”

“Not much to say,” Eddie mentioned, attempting to take another sip.

Richie hummed, bobbing his head. They sat in silence for a few minutes, focusing on his meal while Eddie stirred his Frosty around, and around, and around.

“So how did you get into the whole fight club thing?” Eddie asked, deciding to cut through the silence and the gentle tension that was beginning to grow between them.

“You do know the first and second rule of fight club is to not talk about fight club right?” Richie snickered.

“Oh. I’ve never seen the movie so….”

“Stan invited me,” Richie answered. “He told me that I had, and I quote, ‘a very punchable face’ which isn’t something I’m completely surprised about.”

“Kind of rude.”

“But very on-brand for Staniel.” Richie insisted. “I don’t know, man. I started going to the gym, started hanging around with the other guys. They introduced me to it and I’ve been going for about a year now.”

“I don’t understand the point of it,” Eddie confessed to him. “Wanting to hit someone and cause pain.”

“It’s not about causing pain. Look, you know the adrenaline rush you get when you do something completely wild?”

Eddie started blankly to him, unable to come up with a single time he had done anything wild. The closest had been when he would surf the internet late at night when his mom thought he was sleeping.

Richie, not bothering to comment, carried on. “It’s that. We ride that rush for as long as it lasts. It’s hard to put into words. It’s like running and jumping, unsure if you’re going to stick the landing.”

“I think I get it,” Eddie told him. Giving up on the sucking, he pulled the straw out from the cup, licking it slowly, lapping up the sweet creamy flavor. Richie watched him for a moment, his eyes focused on Eddie’s mouth. “What?”

“I could teach you some stuff,” He mentioned, his eyes flicking up to meet Eddie’s. “Working out. How to throw a punch.”

“I don’t want to fight,” Eddie answered.

“You don’t have to, but staying in shape is important. And if your mom did lock you away like some sick bubble boy, you’re going to need to bulk up if you ever want to make it in this world.”

“Stan was right. You do have a very punchable face.” Eddie declared.

He stabbed the straw back into the Frosty, deciding he’ll drink it at a later time when it was melted and suckable. He opened the car door, turning his head back to thank Richie for the ride.

“If you’re interested, come to the gym Friday morning,” Richie called out of the passenger side window.

“I’m opening Friday,” Eddie replied, pushing through the gate.

“Then come Friday night. What do you have to lose, man?”

Richie drove off before Eddie could even come up with an answer.

[seungmin-wrecked]

Literally no one cares but here's my worst travel story:

So I go to a school 2-3 states away. Which according to Google, the college is a 9 hour drive, however, bc my family can't just drive 18 hours in one day to come get me and drive home, I normally take a train that goes across states. This train ride is about 6/6 and a half hours long. Not to mention :) the time you can buy tickets for this train at midnight and 3 am depending on which station you're leaving from (so if I'm heading back home, the train leaves at midnight. If I'm heading back to campus, the train leaves at 3 am). Keep this in mind :)

So the drive to the train station is a long one. It's about 4/4.5 hours long of a drive since the train station is in another state than the one I live in. So my dad decided to book a hotel like 15 min away from the train station, but not in the same city as the train station since prices were cheaper that way. We left the day before my train was supposed to leave so March 7th. We left our house at like 1 pm, and I had slept till 11 am since I had stayed up a bit late the night before. I slept in the car on the way to the hotel and was feeling pretty good!

We decided to waste some time looking around the town we were in, ate dinner at 3 pm, and actually had to go hunting to go find a place to print my train ticket since I had forgotten to (we eventually found a Staples 3 towns over and an abandoned mall that had bad vibes from the outside). Time passes and we head back to the hotel about 7 pm, but there's still a bunch of time before my train left. My boarding time that day was 4 am since daylight savings time was ending so we were supposed to jump forward, so it was really like my train was still arriving at 3 am. Amtrak suggests getting to the train station at least an hour before your train is supposed to arrive, so my dad and I agreed to leave the hotel at like 1:15 am. My dad fell asleep, but I was still pretty awake since I had gotten so much sleep already so I decided to read Manga on my phone until it was time for us to leave. We left the hotel on time, arrived at the train station early and thank goodness it was pretty empty. I managed to sit by myself and the train ride was relatively nice! Like it usually is.

Now here came the issue. The city I was arriving in, I knew about three people who lived there. One person I couldn't ask a ride from, another one I could have but there were already issues there, and so I asked the third person I knew there first. She was able to come get me!

.... Once she got off work!

...... At 1 pm.

Now I'm still very thankful she agreed to come get me, and I always will be. I have no idea how else I was supposed to make it to campus without her help, even though I would only be on campus for two weeks before getting kicked off.

However, my train arrived at 9 am. I had barely any money in my bank account and I had too much anxiety after sitting at the train station to get up and go get something from the vending machines, not to mention, I had no small bills on me. It was nearing 24 hours without substantial food, what I had eaten were some gummies my friend had gotten me for my birthday on the train, and that's it. It also came to my realization that while I was sitting there in the train station my p****d had started. There was no one in the station until about 11, since there was another train coming.

This lady approached me when there were like 5 other people at the train station (4 of them were Amish) and she asked me if she could borrow my phone to contact someone because she had left her phone in the Lyft she took to get to the train station. I figured why not and opened the app on my phone to dial phone numbers. This lady messes with my phone a bit and then hands it back to me with a new tab open with Lyft's customer service page open. I figured she was going to call her phone! Nope!!!! Now remember that I was reading Manga in the hotel room? Well I still had the tab up, and I can assure you that it was the one she opened the chrome browser up to. You'll never guess what fucking Manga I happened to be reading :)))) it was fucking Sekaii Wa (I can't remember the rest rn) but it's that one explicit bl Manga, and I remember being at a part where one of the character's may or may not have been naked :)) so I was fully screaming internally at this point. This lady had seen bl p*** on my phone and had given NO REACTIONS. She had to come ask to use my phone a couple of times bc she was trying to figure out what to do and at one point she just. Walked away with my phone.

After that had happened, a girl who looked very nervous came over and sat next to me, and asked me about how the train works since it was her first time. I also had to pee very badly at this moment too; I had needed to pee since I got off the train but was too nervous to get up and just go to the bathroom, not to mention I didn't have anyone to watch my stuff. I answered her questions and then asked her to watch my stuff. At this point I could create a temporary solution to the monthly problem happening and continue on feeling better about that situation since all of my pads/tampons were in my suitcase.

At this point it was 1 pm. For those keeping track, that is the time that my friend said she was going to be in work till, and a total of 22 hours since I had last eaten anything substantial. I was on my monthly, starving, sleep deprived, because also at this point I had gotten barely two hours of sleep on the train, which means about two hours of sleep in total for 22 hours also, and now irritated. I eventually get a text from my friend letting me know that she just got off work and was going to head home to shower and then come get me. I was just happy to know she was close to getting me.

3 pm rolls around. She arrives. I am tired, starved, irritated, in pain, and now surprised since my friend was NOT the only one to come get me. Oh no. Her mother had driven her and her sister to come get me. Which her family is lovely, they're so nice and really helped me out right before Christmas break when I needed to stay somewhere in the city before going to the train station at midnight. They pick me up, all is good. I'm still super hungry.

I am mildly lactose intolerant and when I am on my monthly, coffee messes me up (this is important for this next part).

Her mom turns towards me and goes "we're headed to Starbucks, would you like something?" my immediate response? Yes. Absolutely. My brain that is reminding me of the already horrid situation I am in, and telling me not to get coffee won though and told her no. I thought we were going to leave immediately after we came back to my friend's house. But oh no. She had laundry to finish, a resume to finish, and her mom wanted to take her to the grocery store to pick up stuff for her room. I went with for everything and ended up buying the oddest assortment of things (including almond milk, mandarin oranges, and canned soup).

My friend finished everything at about 6:30 pm and we were good to leave. I am so hungry at this point. Her mother had given me a slice of banana bread she had just baked and I had to refuse anymore bc I knew I would have eaten the whole thing given the chance. That was the most food I had eaten since 3 pm the day before. For those, once again keeping track, that is 27 hours. Again, I am in pain, irritated, hungry, and tired. We get into the car and as soon as we pull out of my friend's driveway I turned towards her and said "Can we please stop at the closest McDonald's. I am so hungry" she laughed and said sure. We passed at least 5 McDonald's. She then hits me with the "there's a Burger King like 45 min away, close to the school, can we go there?" and I just nodded my head bc I was just happy to be given the chance to eat.

We get to the Burger King and I am not kidding you. I ordered a Bacon Whopper with a side of large fries and large drink bc I was so hungry. I ate all of it before pulling into the driveway of my school. That burger is the size of my head and has enough fucking mayo on it for it to be it's own producer plant of mayo. It was heavenly.

I got all my stuff to my room (which was on the third floor of a building that only certain people could use the elevator) and passed out on my bed for an hour, woke up to tell my friend I was on campus. Did Not Touch My Luggage. And then passed tf back out till the next morning :)

TL;DR: I had the longest and worst travel of my life that lasted from 1 pm on a Friday till 7 pm on a Saturday, where I barely slept, ate, used the bathroom, and got heavily embarrassed.

[sp00ks-odyssey]

Holy crack I can remember dream,

Ight so I was at my old middle school, I had my old locker I used when I was in 8th grade, my dumb dumb butt also used my old locker from 7th grade that wasn't even mine anymore. 

Me and a few kids I know that graduated with me senior year of high school were cleaning out our lockers cause it was the end of the year, 

I was walking around the school getting free books from the free books boxes that were in every single English class and stuffing them in my 7th grade locker, (I had a can of ranch Pringles in there too for some reason XD)

I opened my 8th grade locker to find a bunch of gifts, I had little action figures/those toys that are hard to the touch and stuff for like doll houses and things, along with papers I can't remember what was on them and other things.

here's what I remember seeing:

I had these small little fedora hats that were different colors and really soft to touch,

I had a small flat little blue bed with Aizawa from My hero academia tucked into it (I couldn't take him off it he was attached to it) 

a small cubelike platform with the Powerpuff girls on it (that was cool to look at) 

I had this really really small figure that could barley fit the palm of my hand of Kronk from Emperor's new groove 

I had like small furnitures that couldn't fit the palm of my hand either like couches, chairs, arm chairs etc for doll houses

I had this small figure the size of a McDonald's happy meal toy of Violet from the Incredibles choking a villain I couldn't identify with Tinkerbell on the other side of the villain doing the same thing as Violet (don't ask 😂) 

I also had this Janus plush doll, it was really nice and soft and really well made 

I loved that one. 

My little sister was there for some reason making an anime guy on her tablet and she would show me it and I'd say 

"Could be gayer" and she'd change the picture and I'd repeat myself this time laughing and she'd fix it again.