#there's a part of the song that goes “My life was a storm / Since I was born / How could I fear any hurricane?” which is pretty fitting imo

[an-au-blog]

Oh, your love is sunlight

Happy (late) Valentine's Day (version without text ↓ +description in tags)

[roseofdarknessblog]

Night Changes (Postwar!Levi Ackerman x Reader)

Word count: 3 506

Disclaimer: english is not my first language, I apologize in advance for any mistakes

A/N: The song Nigh Changes by One Direction popped into my head while I was thinking about the title of this story. So I put it on after a pretty long time and realized that the lyrics kind of match the vibe I was trying to go for. Mainly the lines:

"But there's nothing to be afraid of

Even when the night changes

It will never change me and you"

Summary: The Rumbling happened more than half a year ago. Yet you and Levi are still adjusting to the new reality and the chance to live in peace despite all the hardships you're facing daily.

This story can be read on its own or as a part of my little post-war series: Learn to live again

Night Changes

Another day was slowly coming to an end. Thankfully. It was a long and stressful one, just like every single time you and Levi had to be reminded of your past. Of the war, the Rumbling, and everything that came with it. Half a year had already passed and so many things in your personal lives had changed.

„Here, your tea, my love,“ you said and closed the bedroom door, making your way to the bed where Levi was resting. After a few days, he was finally back home from the hospital after another knee surgery. „Do you need anything else?“

He shook his head and took the cup, barely looking at you in the process. You didn’t think anything about it, because you knew Levi. And most importantly, you knew how he was after every hospital stay – anxious, uncomfortable, and stressed out.

„I closed the kitchen and living room windows for the night. It looks like a storm is closing in, I saw lightning from the direction of the ocean.“ You walked over to the other side of the bed and sat down, resting your back against the headrest. It wasn’t too late but you were already pretty tired. „Hope it won’t be as bad as the last one.“

Levi didn’t utter a word, he kept drinking his tea in silence. You felt great relief about him being back home. All of this... was still brand new and scary. Life in the outside world was much different than the one you were used to on Paradis. And not even the trips you took to Marley before the Rumbling could prepare you for it. Or at least not for everything, that became essential for your new everyday life.

Medical care, for example.

While you didn’t suffer any long-term injuries during the last battle against Eren, Levi took many hits for both of you. Since then he had to spend every single day in pain. And the worst part was, that you couldn’t do much to help him. You were no doctor or nurse, only a former member of the Survey Corps and Levi’s now fiancée. All you could do were the most basic and everyday things.

Just like today, after you brought him home from the hospital once again, after his third knee surgery in only six months. The doctors tried to reassure you, that if everything goes well, this could be the last surgery for a very long time, maybe even forever. At least when it came to his knee. His right eye was a completely different story, sadly.

„Do you... want to talk? Maybe?“ you asked after a short while, hugging one of the pillows to your chest.

The apartment where you lived now was... still unfamiliar and didn’t feel like home at all. The only positive thing was, that it was situated on the ground floor so Levi didn’t have troubles with his wheelchair, which he still needed to use. Nobody was able to tell you for how long it will stay that way or if he will ever get rid of it. He was able to walk using a cane, but it was causing him too much unnecessary pain. So getting around with a bit of additional help was much better and even safer for him.

And that was totally okay, you kept reassuring him, that it’s nothing catastrophic. Even though... even though it was. Horrible and so unnatural for the both of you. Still so new and hard to get used to.

You hoped it would get easier. Seeing him like this – weaker and more vulnerable than probably ever before. But it wasn’t getting even a tiny bit easier. There were still moments you had to hide somewhere and cry your eyes out without Levi noticing, because you felt horrible about his health and because you were so worried about what the future held in stock for you and the man you loved so dearly since the days both of you were still living in the Underground on Paradis.

„This isn’t the life I hoped we would have after all the shit we went through,“ Levi said quietly after he finished his tea and put the cup on the nightstand. It seemed that you finally mastered the art of making the perfect cup of his favorite drink. Not to say that you were trying to get to this level since you were a teenager and started living under the same roof with Levi.

„Yeah, this doesn’t look like the life we fought so hard for. But...“ you shrugged and moved closer to him, gently grabbing his left hand and interlocking your fingers, „we still have each other, that matters the most, right? At least something is the way we always wanted.“

„You always wanted to take care of me?“ Levi teased you with an annoyed tone.

„I did, yes. Maybe not exactly in the way I do it now, but I do it with love,“ you assured him and squeezed his hand, running your thumb over his knuckles.

Your life was far from easy or perfect, but you tried to have hope that everything would get better soon. Both of you were making slow but steady progress. Learning along the way with the help of one another, or the people closest to you.

„I hate all of this with burning passion, every single thing.“

„What exactly do you mean?“ you asked, resting your head on his shoulder.

„This...“ he hissed and gestured to his left knee, which was bandaged after the surgery and propped with a pillow underneath it to help the pain and swelling.

„Nobody said it’s forever. They have a much more advanced medical system here than we have on Paradis. We just... have to trust them.“

And that was the hardest part. For both of you. Every single doctor visit and hospital stay was nerve-wracking and anxiety-inducing for you and for Levi even more. It was hard to trust the world that was so different from everything you knew your whole life. And it was even harder to trust all the new people you kept meeting. Just a few months back, they saw your kind as their enemy.

And now...

Well, even if almost nobody knew, who you and Levi were, it felt strange walking down the streets of the little town you were living in. Anxiety kept telling you, that everyone was watching and judging your every move. For a few weeks, you could barely walk outside at all, because you were sure everyone was after you and wanted you dead. Onyankopon was the one, who helped you overcome this irrational fear and get used to so many new things.

„We’re making progress, even if it hurts,“ you said quietly, turning your head and pressing your lips to Levi’s neck lovingly.

When you looked down at your left ring finger, you could see a simple but beautiful engagement ring. You dreamed about it for years and it seemed like a miracle that you even lived long enough to soon become Mrs. Ackerman. There was no rush to get married now. Finally, after so many years, you had all the time in the world. Time to think it through and get everything as perfect as possible.

The storm came within the next hour. Both of you were still awake – while Levi was resting with his eyes closed, you were reading a book out loud. It was a silly adventure story about a group of friends who decided to explore a magical kingdom. Gabi was the one, who gifted you this book a few weeks ago, saying it was one of her favorites. So you decided to give it a try.

„Guess I’m starting to understand why Gabi loves this story,“ Levi said after a little while.

„Yeah, me too. I’ve never read anything similar. It’s very nice to get lost in such a magical world.“ The characters were nice and the magical kingdom sounded like the perfect place to get lost for a while and go exploring.

„We should ask for more book recommendations.“ You smiled at his words, brushing strands of hair from his forehead. He finally looked relaxed and that always put a smile on your face.

Anxiety from seeing doctors sometimes got the best of him. He didn’t trust them fully and hated to admit, that he needed their help. Somebody, who was known as Humanity's strongest soldier hated to appear weak or dependent on anyone or anything. The only person, to whom he was willing to show his suffering, was you.

But he was getting better at it. Better at seeking help and better at adjusting to all the new circumstances. Better at understanding, that his life changed very drastically. Better at living in peace with the new reality.

„We will, she and Falco are coming over to see us on Friday. And Onyankopon wants to stop by during the weekend as well.“

„Tch, so many noisy people coming and going, asking stupid questions.“

You smirked and leaned down to kiss his lips gently. „Shut up, you like them. Mainly Falco, when you get to kick his ass in chess.“

„The little brat has a lot to learn if he wants to win against me one day.“

„But he’s a fast learner, he’ll beat you in a couple of months,“ you teased him and closed the book. Loud thunder was heard from outside, while the rain was drumming against the windows. „We should go for a little walk tomorrow, to get some fresh air. What do you say?“

„Hope it will rain the whole day,“ he mumbled and looked at you, reaching his hand out to stroke your cheek.

„In that case, we’ll just take our umbrellas,“ you joked, keeping his hand on your cheek for a little longer. With a loving look, you bent down for another kiss, keeping your lips pressed together for a little longer. Just when you wanted to pull away, Levi moved his hand on the back of your head, keeping you close for a moment longer. His mouth made contact with yours once again and when your lips slightly parted, his tongue found its way inside, meeting yours.

„I hate your snarky little answers,“ he whispered into your lips, kissing you again before pulling you down next to him. With a satisfied grin, you made yourself comfortable and rested your head on Levi’s chest. „I would be so lost without you.“

„You would do just fine, Levi. But I’m glad I got to survive it all alongside you.“ Through the years you had a few close calls, but you always made it out in one piece. Thankfully. „Years back, we were just two teenagers in the Underground and today... we’re living in a world outside Paradis. It’s still so unbelievable to me.“

„We don’t even seem like those people anymore.“

„But deep down we’re still those two, just a little older and wiser. And happier.“

„Happier,“ he said almost too quietly, his lips pressing against your forehead.

Soon, you turned off the lights and tried going to sleep. The storm outside slowly died down and even the rain stopped. You and Levi were resting in each other’s arms, talking quietly and enjoying a peaceful night. Sleeping alone while he was in the hospital was always horrible. The bed felt too empty and cold when he wasn’t right there next to you.

After an hour, Levi started getting restless once again. His leg was hurting and staying in bed seemed like the worst possible thing to do. Some nights used to be like that – and Levi hated that more than anything. He hated keeping you up and not letting you rest. But you never said even a single bad word. Every time, you took care of him with love and patience, just like when he had nightmares and used to wake up screaming or sometimes even crying.

Not that... not that things like that never happened to you. Quite the opposite. Shortly after the Rumbling, it was you, who needed Levi’s help with managing your mental health. Your anxiety was through the roof almost 24/7 and most nights you simply weren’t able to fall asleep. You were scared of having another nightmare full of terror and blood. On top of everything that was happening around you, your mind simply decided to push you as far as possible, trying to break you for good.

If it wasn’t for Levi’s love and patience, you would never make it out of those dark places. While he was physically and mentally suffering himself, he always made sure you were doing as well as possible. If anything, you two always had each other to lean on. When one of you fell down, the other helped them up and made sure both of you could continue walking forward. Hand in hand, trusting and loving each other more and more every day.

„Should we get some fresh air? The storm’s gone and there are no people in the streets in the middle of the night,“ you suggested, coming back to the bedroom with another cup of tea for Levi. After he took it, you knelt down before him as he was sitting on the edge of the bed. You smiled at him with all the love you felt in your heart and put your hand on his healthy knee, squeezing it reassuringly.

„You can just open the windows,“ he said without an ounce of interest in his voice.

„Nah, that’s not the same.“ It was more than obvious, that none of you would get any sleep in the coming hours. And staying here wasn’t the best idea. During similar nights the small bedroom simply felt too suffocating. „We don’t have to be long, just a couple of minutes. It will help.“

You could see the pain in his features, in the way he was gripping the edge of the bed with his free hand, or in the way he was trying to avoid eye contact. You could hear it in his voice, in the way he was breathing. And it was killing you, even after six months of living like this. It hurt more than anything that ever happened to you directly.

„Okay, come on. We’re going out!“ you commanded after taking a couple of deep breaths and stood up, making your way to the closet to get some clothes for the both of you.

Levi tried protesting, but it was you, who won in the end. A change of scenery was very much needed and Levi started to agree with you as soon as you got out and into the fresh night air – him sitting in his wheelchair with you pushing him. It only took a couple of short minutes until you felt a strong wave of calmness filling your entire being.

„Okay, this wasn’t your worst idea,“ Levi said eventually, finally relaxing and resting his back once the painkillers started to kick in. You could clearly see how his entire posture changed, his shoulder muscles releasing all the tension. He even stopped clutching his hurting knee, hoping it would help him ease the pain.

„See, you should listen to me more often,“ you laughed and kissed the top of his head. There wasn’t a place you wanted to get to, just careless wandering around the night streets of your new home was what your soul craved.

The two of you ended up taking the route straight to the docks and to the beach next to it. The fresh salty breeze felt more than nice after another storm. Even the sky above your head became clear once again, shining with millions of tiny little stars. Surprisingly, the sky looked even clearer than on Paradis, when you used to stargaze on top of the Walls.

„Stop there by the bench,“ Levi said, as you were making your way along the sidewalk next to the beach. You did as he said, sitting down on the wooded bench and taking his hand in your once more.

„What are we going to do here?“ you asked, looking at him in the light from the nearby street lamp.

His face changed so much, but he was just as handsome as before. You loved every little detail about his face, even the new scars and his blind eye. After all, they were a reminder of how hard he fought for humanity. How he gave his all for the world, that did nothing but hurt him since he was just a little kid. 

Levi Ackerman has always been the only man you truly wanted. The only man you’ve ever shown interest in. You met him when you were only fifteen and since then, you couldn’t imagine living your life with anyone else.

„We’re going to sit here, watch the ocean, and listen to the waves,“ Levi answered and pulled your hand to his lips, kissing your left ring finger just under your ring.

„Maybe we should come here more often. Even if just during the night when no one’s around. We should go out more and explore, see as much as we can. Live like we said we would... you know, back at Fort Salta, the first night after the Rumbling.“

„We’ll get there, I promise,“ he tried reassuring you, just like many times before.

„I know we will. Sooner or later, in a month or maybe in a year.“

„When I’m a bit more put together,“ he chuckled quietly and looked at you, a tiny smirk on his lips. Despite the pain and trauma, he started smiling a little more often in your company. And you used to tease him, that it took you almost two decades, to achieve this. „Thank you for being so patient with me. For doing all the things you do for me and for us.“

So many different emotions were running through your mind and heart. You felt more than grateful for the life you had, despite everything. After all, this was all you ever dreamed of – a quiet and simple life with the man you loved more than anything or anyone. You wanted a warm and cozy home, a family of your own. You wanted what most ordinary people your age had.

„Do you think...“ you asked, feeling a lump forming in your throat. „Do you think they’re watching us right now? And maybe... maybe smiling because we’re doing good?“ Not a day went by without thinking of your late friends and comrades. You still missed them dearly and felt thankful for all their effort, that helped you get here.

„Let’s hope so,“ Levi said quietly and squeezed your hand lovingly. Talking about Hange, Erwin and the others was still very challenging, but you both wanted to remember them for the rest of your lives. So it was important to talk about them, to remember the nice memories you had with them. „Did I tell you before the surgery? The brats are coming to see us next month, Connie sent a letter.“

You smiled happily upon hearing his words. „Really? Oh, I’m so happy, I miss them all every day. I know they have their own lives and responsibilities, but I wish they could come visit us more often.“

You truly missed them – the kids, as you used to call them since your very first meeting all those years ago. Not having them around daily felt unnatural, but it made their every visit even more special.

„Do they know we’re engaged?“

„No, I haven’t mentioned it in any of the letters.“

„Me neither,“ you shook your head with a smile.

Writing letters... that and similar things were a challenge on their own. Levi was still getting used to doing activities like that with his non-dominant hand. Missing two fingers made a lot of mundane tasks unnecessarily difficult. But Levi was resilient. A man, who was able to use ODM gear, fire thunder spears and fight Titans with missing fingers, a blind eye, an injured knee, and pain unimaginable to you, would not give up over stupid little things. All he needed, was time and a little help from you, to show him how to do things differently.

„I think they’ll be happy about it,“ Levi said quietly, his voice almost too quiet compared to the relaxing sound of the waves.

„I think so too,“ you agreed and reached out your free hand. Gently, you grabbed Levi’s chin and turned his head in your direction. „You have no idea how crazy in love I am with you. More and more after each day we spend together. You truly are all that I want and need, Levi.“

He was the first to erase all the space between you, when he leaned in for a kiss, pressing his lips hard against yours. In Levi’s case, actions always spoke louder than words, mostly during such intimate moments, which showed just how much he valued, cherished, and loved you. 

[madelynraemunson]

I’m not sure if you’re taking requests atm but if you are, would you be willing to do an Eddie x reader oneshot/short series based on Sober + Sober II by Lorde? The idea is stuck in my head but I trust you to execute it more than anyone else <3

hngnngh comfort eddie please save me comfort eddie

music is such an important part of life, and a vital part of story-telling in my eyes. so thank you for this!!<3

will you sway with me? go astray with me?

bartender!situationship?eddie x fem!billy's girlfriend!reader

CW: alcoholism, mentions of heavy drinking/alcoholism, fluff, angst, established abusive relationship btwn reader & billy, reader has a bruised face, eddie getting touchy feely; city divider by @emeraldurafreak

WC: 1.4K words

12:00 MIDNIGHT

Oh how fast the evening passes…

“Do I need to cut you off, Munson?”

“Funny. I thought you already did.”

Eddie had been drinking with customers all night and — to his surprise — so have you.

He was shocked to see your face. Especially since you've spent all week avoiding him (and The Hideout) like the plague. For a moment he even thought you ditched him for a cooler bartender and some cooler pub down the way. But the reason behind the week long absence soon registers with Eddie — when he sees the black and blue that decorate your cheekbones, poorly hidden by your blotchy layers of cheap, Dollar General concealer.

God fucking dammit, Eddie thinks to himself. He hit her again.

The grip on his washcloth tightens as he watches you saunter over, looking for your vice to band-aid the problem (like you always fucking do).

Unfortunately as a bartender, it's Eddie's job to deal you some cheap booze, strike up a superficial conversation, and cut you off only when he saw fit. He was to cater to your drinking needs whether he thought it was a good idea or not. And for a while it did start out that way. Until his smitten ass got to know you. Now Eddie always your best interests at heart. And it appears like he's the only one who seems to.

“Your usual, sweetheart?”

“Yes please,” you drunkenly slur. “If you don’t mind...”

He's always going to be more than a bartender to you. And you're more than just a patron to him. Often times, when you get in a fight with your abusive fuck of a boyfriend Billy, you'll find yourself at The Hideout, in the comfort of Eddie's arms, slow dancing to all your favorite songs two hours past closing time while Billy blows up your phone.

A cocktail for disaster for sure.

Eddie knows not to ask. It's a rule in his doctrine pertaining to you, an unspoken loyalty — communicated through swift eye contact — that implies YOU KNOW that EDDIE KNOWS what’s up.

And the more he's gotten to know the complexities of you, the more he's fallen in love.

Despite you breaking all of Eddie's rules about the notion though, Eddie knows that you two could never work. You're gonna keep forgiving Billy. And Eddie will keep picking up the broken pieces... waiting agonizingly long periods here and there wondering if you made it out unscathed or not. It's part of the reason he drinks so much as well, but he'll never admit it. It's a vicious fucking cycle. Eddie's accepted it at this point.

Still doesn’t make it hurt any less. And as much as Eddie wanted to figuratively storm the castle, run up to your tower, and break your ass on out of there, Eddie knows that leaving Billy is ultimately up to you.

The bartender goes to pour you your usual neat shot of "Jack Daniels" while you sit across from him. He's most definitely cutting you off. And when you're as wasted as you are right now, Coca Cola tastes just like liquor.

"Mm!" you cheer as you sip the soda-in-disguise. "Hits the spot. Thank you Eddie."

Amused with himself, he snorts. "Anytime, darlin'."

He goes to clink your glass with his beer bottle, then makes an effort to tell you it's his fourth Wildflower Ale, a sour beer that definitely did not seem like something he would like.

“Odd," you observe. "Always thought you were more of a mead guy.”

He smirks. “Oh yeah? Why is that?”

You shrug.

“I dunno…” a flirty hum escapes your lips. “It’s very… medieval times-y. I can picture the knights in shining armor going to their pubs. Grabbin' mead with one another…"

His cheeks a tinted pink now, Eddie chuckles down at the counter.

"Jesting with one another… preparing for battle…"

“I’m a knight in shining armor?” Eddie blushes at you.

You trail off there, hoping that he gets the rest of the picture.

“I should stop talking.”

Eddie raises his eyebrows, confused and a little disheartened by the way you shut yourself down simply for explaining yourself again. “No. No, I like when you talk.”

King and Queen of the weekend.

As the last of the five drunks stumble out of the bar, Eddie begins to wrap up his closing, finalizing everything at the register and cleaning up the champagne glasses. You watch him as he pops his hip to the right in attempts to switch on the stereo that he had authority over at the end of every shift.

Atmospheric music sounds through the speakers. Meanwhile, Eddie's enamored eyes trail back over to you.

"I can think of another way to get your mind off things," Eddie smiles. "And they don't involve alcohol. Don't involve talking either if you aren't up for it."

Heat settles at your cheeks "Our usual?"

"On the house," he insists.

He nears you now, extending a hand to you to guide you off the elevated bar stool and safely to the ground.

"M'lady," he jests.

You fall into him almost immediately, giving all of you to him in the form of a long overdue hug. The musky pine and cool mint of his fragrance seduces you, his beer breath strangely giving you the same amount of comfort that a warm blanket would. For the first time in days, you finally felt safe.

There’s a distant gaze in Eddie’s fawning eyes as he stares dreamily at your lips. Grazing the small of your back as you two sway, he allows you to nuzzle your head against the crook of his warm neck.

“I hate when you make yourself small," he croaks against you.

You draw a shaky breath, allowing the music and booze to liquidate into your bloodstream as you continue to melt into Eddie. He squeezes you tighter, delicately resting his chin atop your head.

“I’d ask why you do it, but… I think I know the answer.”

“Yeah," you mumble.

“You guys gotten better?”

"Not exactly."

It eats at him, knowing he can't save you unless you wanted to be. You've always been a regular who drank often, but watching you full on spiral into alcoholism as a form of escape gnawed at Eddie's conscience. Especially since he felt like he was feeding it. The guilt of going behind Billy's back probably consumed you on top of everything else you had to deal with.

But Eddie doesn't know the real reason behind why you drink. You drink to go back in time. Back to when you feel okay. Because every time alcohol touches the tip of your tongue, you're whisked back here. Where you feel most safe. You've broken so many rules to be in the presence of Eddie Munson, but you never regret it when you look back because you've never felt this good when remaining 'compliant'.

The cheeky bartender proceeds to go lower, testing his boundaries as the song continues on by softly squeezing your hips with his calloused hands. A tear escapes his eye, quite possibly due to his fear that he probably won't remember this when he wakes up tomorrow afternoon.

"Just say the word and I'll back off," Eddie says to you.

You swallow hard. "Never."

Eds cracks you another smile before luring you further into his grasp.

“Leave him,” he whispers. “Be with me instead.”

"When I'm ready," is what you end up telling him all the time. It still feels like the very first time whenever you say it though. "And when I'm sober."

That's another thing about rules. They're made to be broken. And no memorable hero was ever well behaved.

You end up staying for a couple of hours again. Billy, for some reason doesn't call, and your brain shuts down the desire to even know why. All you were focused on anyways was Eddie and how safe you felt beside him.

"This never happened?" he questions you, scanning the look on your face for an answer.

"Nope," you shake your head discreetly. "Never."

And when you two sober up, you turn the music off, help Eddie stack the chairs, give him a passionate, grateful peck on the lips before heading out...back to home...back to familiarity.

Eddie watches you leave, taking a long anxious drag of his cigarette as your car drives off. When you're out of sight, he rests a hand over his heart, praying to whatever is out there to make sure that there will be another opportunity dance again in the near future.

We pretend that we just don’t care.

But we care.

What will we do when we’re sober?

[kaizynofsickness]

Itadori x reader

~I miss you more than anything~

Heavy angst, WARNING: self harm, bad habits, underage drinking, alcohol, lots of tears and crying, many flashbacks, Sukuna interfering, Sukuna being a bit soft, neglected themes.

Song(s) that match:

Francis Forever by Mitski

My Love Mine All Mine by Mitski

Dark red by Steve Lacy

Notion by The Rare Occasions

Gilded Lily by Cults

"What if... The world wants me dead?"

"Then I'm fighting the world."You were his everything. Someone who saw pass the fear of him being a vessel to the King of Curses. Not like Megumi and Nobara, you wanted him in a different way. After being afraid and wanting to give everyone a proper death, you came in uninvited and helped him keep everyone alive.

But not you

"You left me, Y/N..." Itadori sulks 8 days after your death and drowns himself in a fountain of his tears. The half drunken alcohol bottle sits in front of him, showing himself how weak he has gotten to drink at 16. The room is dark, only a phone light and the red glow if a clock shining 3:21 A.M.

"Y'know, Yuji..." Your voice rings in his memories. The sun is dimming, ready to set. Under the scene is you and him sitting on the bench in comforting silence you broke with your pretty voice. "I always knew no matter what, you never stopped smiling." Your soft eyes focus on Itadori's. "Smiling?" He smiles harder, his eyes shimmering. "Look who I got next to me!" He playfully tackles you down to the bench. You giggle underneath him. Then the smile he adores sinks to a serious face. He paused his body over you. "Does your cheeks ever hurt from smiling so much?"

The question sounds a little funny to him, but your face tells him to take the seriously. "I... Well-" He sighs. No more lying. "Smiling doesn't only hurt my cheeks..." His eyes look away from your's, which are widen in shock. "Oh... Yuji." You rub love circles on his cheek to get his attention. Your hands are cold.... Cold?

"No..." Itadori snaps out his memory. "That's not how it went!" He slams his hand down on his desk and is quick to chug a few more gulps of the alcohol. "Her... Her hands were warm!" Useless tears storm out his eyes.

All he can picture is your beaten body beneath him in that same scene, a deep gash in your side, blood rivering out like a waterfall. "Oh... Yuji." Your voice turns on again at the same scene. The memory is wrong... "Sometimes it hurts to be happy."

He can see it clearly.

He is fucked. He is drunk. So drunk that his memories are fuzzy.

"You lied to me!" He starts to ball his eyes out like a child having a temper tantrum. It hurted to be happy, yes, it did. But being sad, depressed? Broken? He wanted to take his own life as if the scratches on his skin didn't prove that. He wants to see you again. Through his snot and blurry vision, he grabs another bottle, smashed the top off, and starts to swallow down the drink. "Please... I miss you more than anything..." His tears run into his mouth, the salt flavor mixing with the alcohol. The uncomfortable feeling of the make under his eye opening and the tear of his cheek for a mouth. Sukuna groans. "Stop drinking, brat. This taste disgusting."

"Great." The last person he wants to see or even hear. He ignores and sniffles up his tears, continuing to guzzle the alcohol. Sukuna snarls knowing he can't do anything to take over his body since Itadori basically mastered keeping him in. "Fine. Get a fucking hangover. I hope it makes you throw up blood." He curses him. Itadori finally parts the bottle from his lips. With a satisfied 'ah', he sets the drink down and goes back to staring at nothing. "I... Don't need the world to know I've been all I could be..." He throws his head back in his chair and sees his dark ceiling. "I think of her so much I think I'm going insane... I hate that she left me." He subconsciously starts to vent to Sukuna. He stops spitting his emotions and cries again. His unhealthy amount of tears stain his face and choked him up in his nose... His eyes and nose are puffy and red, his lips quivering and bitten from him biting back words so often. What would you think if you seen him now? That momentary beam of light you loved in him so much... Now crying like a bitch about you, more broken than a porcelain doll that has been played with by a three year old. Sukuna pauses a for a few. He listens to the young man's cries and his choking to gulping down something he should have never even thought about, to his cuts he gave himself on his arms, the scratches on his chest he done, his messy hair as he has neglected himself like his peers have. "Itad- punk ass..." Sukuna corrects himself from saying his name. "Be a damn man! If Y/N saw this, do you think she would have been attracted?! She liked that hyper mess you always are so suck his cry baby shit up... And... Toss that bottle. Now." He speaks harsh and coldly towards Itadori. Yet there is a warm feeling in his voice. A warm echo after it... "Y/N..." Itadori leans up and sniffles. "Y/N." He repeats and enjoys the feeling of your name rolling of his tongue. Itadori puts the bottle aside and slumps to his bed. All the way he walks--to him feels like a mile-- he sees the scene of your lifeless body.

"Stop crying. I like the color red. I always liked it in me." You put your hand on his cheek and let his tears fall on it. "N-no! That's not funny... Please, stop being a joker! N-not now..!" He squeezes your hand, which soon looses feeling like your legs. "Aw... I hate that I made you cry." Your smile fades. "It's nice seeing you letting your emotions out. Finally not smiling to please people?" Your eyes start to break and the shine goes away. "Y-Y/N..." Your hand goes cold and your eyes weaken. "I love you, Yuji Itadori. I'll see you soon. Years later. And not earlier." That... Was your last words. A warning to him that you don't want to see him in heaven no earlier than his natural death.

Finally to his bed, he weakly plops down on the soft mattress and imagines it as your body, his head safely secured in your cleavage of your breasts with your hand brushing his matted hair. "Sleepy, baby?" You speak softly. "Y-yeah..." His eyes grow heavy. His breath steadies and a smile creeps in his face. "I love you..." he mutters like second nature. You chuckle and rub down his back. "I know. I love you too."

His hands move to feel yours on his head, only to realize you're not really even there. His smile leave. You won't ever be back. Tears come back again and stain his sheets wet. He simply lays there and silently crys.

Sukuna watches the sad scene. He has to admit, it is extremely pitiful to see how broken he has become over you. How bad he needs you here with him. "We should've died old. I was stupidly focused on giving others proper deaths with her... I didn't give her one." His fist tear the sheets and his knuckles white. "I... Ugh, fuck!" Itadori gives up and lets his mind relax and tries to sleep. Sukuna scoffs and his eye and mouth disappears. "Sleep, you idiot."

With that, he is off to dream of you and wake up like shit. He'll never see you again, and the realization hasn't fully hit him yet. How long will he continue to bitch and moan? How long... Until you come back?

The morning hits like a bullet train. As soon as Itadori rises, his face wet and sticky, his head pounds and makes him dizzy. He folds forwards with a loud groan. His head burns and gives him severe pain. He yelps as he makes it to the bathroom to pee...

"Holy hell..." His eyes are so dry. The bathroom light almost makes him fall from its brightness. He unzips his pants and finally goes to the restroom... while washing his hands and going to grab his toothbrush, he looks at his shit reflection. "Tch... Fucking monstrous." He ignores and goes to wet the toothbrush.

"I think monsters like you are look cute."

He quickly snaps his head. He heard your voice and he's not drunk right now. "Y/N?!" He starts to panic, his emotions stirring wild. No, of course your not here. He watched the people burn you... But he smiles anyways. He turns back to the mirror and looks at himself with the smile. "You don't like monsters.... You just like me." Maybe... He can move on. Just not with another girl because you're always here.✨Ze end✨

[slickfordain]

Valentine’s Day🍓🎀

Gojoxreader, Dainsleifxreader

I did say in my rules I was uncomfortable sharing my F/O which Dainsleif is part of it, but it’s for myself and my bestie and it’s Valentine’s Day… So after this, I won’t write Dainsleif for anyone but myself.🎀

♡ Gojo would in no doubt be the goofiest motherfucker you’ve ever been on a date with, but you love it so much💕

♡ Silliest bitch, he would love to put stickers on your face when it’s Valentine’s Day. Usually goes by putting random heart stickers, and maybe some glitter to make your face glow up.

♡ Man doesn’t even care nor does he show shame, he will use Nanami as a wallet, to afford the richest restaurant in the world. (He’s literally rich but man’s doesn’t wanna waste it for some reason)

♡ He’s trying his best,, ૮꒰◞ ⸝⸝ ◟꒱ა Because he’s scared he won’t be able to see you tomorrow evening when his work starts again, and having to go on missions.

♡ When treating you to the restaurant, you either rant about your family— or you rant about how you just feel like you’re a burden to all your friends, and Gojo would listen because… Well, he does somewhat relate to you. After all, losing friends and having issues with family was something he saw in himself.

♡ Later on would just take you back home after giving you a small cute date outside<3 because you don’t like being outside too much so Gojo takes you back home

♡ Either makes you laugh your ass off, or tease you to no ends when he wears your skirt. (It’s hurting his waist BUT HE WANTS YOUR CUTE LAUGH AND SMILE:(((( give him it) Your skirts may be tiny!! But HE WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH T’ILL YOUR RIBS HURT!!

♡ Takes the ugliest picture of you later and you whine and complain, only for him to keep it because now it’s his favorite. Silly you, Gojo doesn’t SEE the ugly in you, there’s only ✨beauty✨

♡ When cuddling, I can honestly see Gojo accidentally pushing you off 😭 like, off the bed. When he does, man’s will PANIC and apologize when you puff your cheeks and give him the silent treatment— please talk to him he doesn’t wanna live without you-

♡ Beware, he’s like a cat, so if you keep continuing your silent treatment he WILL lick your damn cheek or kiss your neck so sweetly. Mans wants your attention, GIVE HIM ATTENTION!! … Please??? ૮꒰ ྀི >⸝⸝⸝< ྀི꒱ა

♡ Man’s is loyal AF, he texts you each 10 seconds when it’s Valentine’s Day…. Or 1 second. Doesn’t matter, it’s Valentine’s Day and Dainsleif knows how much it means to you.

♡ Kisses you so sweetly and lovingly, man takes his time and does whatever is comfortable with you. You wanna go out to see the damn fishies in the fucking aquarium? Dainsleif rn: 💳💳💳💳💳💥💥💥💥💥

♡ You two would gaze at Jellyfishes together<3 because it’s peaceful and calm in the aquarium, which fits perfectly for you both since you two are introverts, and quiet. You two don’t really have to talk much, and only text each other because it’s comfortable that way than using your mouth.

♡ If Dainsleif sees a cute fishy-styled outfit that fits your aesthetic, mans buys it because hhhhhhhhhhh ໒꒰ྀི ∩ ⸝⸝ ∩ ꒱ྀིა HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH😞😞😞 You’re so cute when you get excited and all that shit.

♡ If you get anxiety and anxious because there’s too many people who later on goes to the question, Dainsleif takes you home immediately— because why would he let you suffer in the crowd? Mans is suffering with you man, you anxious = he is anxious too.

♡ I don’t know why but, the thoughts of you painting Dainsleif’s nails dark blue while he paints yours your favorite color— to match and then listen to slowed songs💕 It’s just a comforting night with just you two

♡ It’s raining, storming maybe, you both are cozy in bed together with blankets and pillows— this is the fucking life. You are living to the fullest with yourself, and you love it because Dainsleif will decorate with you too. He’s so loyal…. He just wants you happy.

♡ You two ended up doing coquette aesthetic decorating in your house, matching it with Dainsleif’s blue-ish aesthetics, baby blue in fact.<3

♡ Eating strawberries together and then watch Ghibli movies the whole day!! Maybe even you spamming him reels of cute cat videos where it’s either about the partner love situation, or just “me n u”. He loves it all. Because it shows you love him.

[deathblacksmoke]

Dramamine—Part 4

Pairing: Noah Sebastian x Nick Ruffilo

Series Summary: Cynical, brooding bartender Nick meets too-earnest, pretty boy singer Noah when The Rabbit's Foot starts hosting an open mic night.

CW: angst, hints at past trauma, Noah being pushy and kind of annoying and not taking the fucking hint, mention of death

*Content warnings will be updated by chapter*

Word Count: 1.5K

Taglist: @concretenoah / @ladyveronikawrites / @circle-with-me / @darksigns-exe / @xxrainstorm / @monotoniscreaming / @agravemisstake / @iknownothingpeople / @cookiesupplier / @jiizzy / @bngurngheart

Let me know if you'd like to be tagged in future fics!

Author's Note: I'm finally back on track with my updates yay 🤍 POV switches to Noah in this one. Next part will be an interlude. Hope y'all enjoy <3

dividers by @cafekitsune 💐

NOAH’S POV

It’s been 6 days since Noah last spoke to Nick. It’s been 6 days since, mid-hookup, Nick stormed out of Noah’s apartment abruptly and without an explanation.

At least he said he was sorry before he slammed Noah’s door, shaking the room and extending the crack above the door frame. Even so, Noah can’t keep himself from replaying the night in his head, trying to figure out what went wrong. Was it him? What had he done? How does he fix it?

He tried texting him, but when enough texts went unanswered, he decided to cut his losses. He can leave Nick alone if that’s what he wants.

It’s only been a few weeks since they met, but the thought of not having Nick around turns his stomach. He had cracked what seemed to be an impossibly tough exterior, and he thought they were both having fun. He thought Nick liked him too, but just as soon as he was in Noah’s life, he was gone.

His absence aches, leaving something painful and hollow in Noah’s gut. Nick’s tea mug had been left untouched on the coffee table for days—Noah couldn’t quite bring himself to move it to the kitchen and rinse it out. He’d love to say it didn’t have an effect on him when he came home from work to find it had been washed and placed back in the cabinet, but his heart sank.

He changes his mind. If Nick wants to be left alone, he’ll have to tell Noah as much or block him.

Please Nicky, I just want to know if you’re okay.

The text goes unanswered again. He doesn’t know what he expected.

The thought of going to The Rabbit’s Foot to have Nick ignore him straight to his face doesn’t sound appealing to him at all, but he doesn’t want to let himself be pushed out. With or without the promise of seeing Nick at the end of the night, he’s loved doing the open mic nights.

He doesn’t want to let Nick stop him. Against his better judgment, he hopes that after he plays, he’ll be able to pull Nick aside for a talk. It’s wishful thinking, but it’s the same wishful thinking that’s kept him going for this past week. Goddammit, he barely even knows Nick, but he feels like he’s flailing not knowing what’s going on with him. He really did mean it when he said he just wants to know if he’s okay.

When he steps through the door, he sees something he hasn’t seen once in the weeks he’s been coming here. His stomach drops. Behind the bar, there’s no Nick. There’s Jolly and there’s the bouncing barback and there’s some guy he doesn’t recognize, pouring Guinness more shamefully than he’s ever seen. Nick would hate seeing that, but Nick isn’t here.

Noah wonders if it’s his fault but pushes the thought away, can’t allow himself to get caught up in it. He can’t let himself spiral out about it. He just had really hoped Nick would be here, if only so he would know that he’s okay.

It’s agony.

“Hey, you’re up there next,” he’s taken out of his thoughts when Jolly sneaks up on him, a strong hand on his shoulder.

He wants nothing more than to ask about Nick. Second to that, he wants to get the fuck out of this bar and never come back to The Rabbit’s Foot again.

“Thanks, man,” he says instead.

He wants to go home, but he won’t. He’ll go up there, he’ll introduce himself, he’ll sing his song. He’ll pretend he’s not being torn up by Nick’s nagging absence.

Because the thing is, once Noah starts playing, it becomes clear to him how much he’s grown to rely on Nick’s presence here. He’s become dependent on Nick’s bright blue-grey eyes burrowing into his fucking skull, how the focus he places on not getting distracted has made him better. He remembers all the chords he had fucked up or missed altogether that first night, when Nick stormed out for whatever reason it was. He didn’t ask. He’s noticing himself missing them now—his voice is cracking. He feels humiliated. He wishes Nick was here. Nick should be here.

He just has to make it through the song.

There’s no blame for how our love did slowly fade And now that it’s gone, it’s like it wasn’t there at all And here I rest, where disappointment and regret Collide Lying awake at night

Blinking back his tears, it’s clear he picked the wrong one.

It takes all of his resolve not to bolt out the door when he’s done, but he’s feeling brave. More so, he’s feeling like if he doesn’t get an explanation soon, he’ll lose his mind.

His nerves spike as he approaches the bar, especially as the barback spots him and fails to hide the narrowing of his eyes. He wonders what he knows. He wonders what Nick told him.

“Hey, um—” Noah starts when he’s in front of the bar, ignoring the other bartender completely. The barback looks at him expectantly, a little irritated, and it makes him feel uneasy. “I’m sorry, I never caught your name.”

“I’m Nick,” he answers, and Noah has to stop himself from laughing as he raises an eyebrow. “Folio. You get Yuengling, right?”

“I do, but I wanted to ask you about something, actually.”

He’s suddenly more nervous than ever, as Folio fixes him with a look of disgust. He wishes he’d never come here tonight, and especially that he never came up to the bar. But he’s come this far, and he’ll keep going, even as upset as he feels that maybe Folio knows something about him that he doesn’t.

“If you’re looking for Nick, no one has seen him since he took you home last week,” Folio tells him, and a shiver runs down Noah’s spine. It’s worse than he thought. “I don’t know what you did, but no one can get more than a ‘no’ from him when we ask about work or if he’s okay.”

He wants to say that he didn’t do anything wrong and then leave. He feels tears welling up and threatening to fall, and he feels mortified. But he really needs to find out what’s going on. He hates thinking that he involuntarily, maybe, ruined Nick’s life.

He sticks with the exact truth, instead. He sticks with oversharing to a stranger. He tells Folio fucking everything.

“Does he not like guys, or—” Noah starts to ask. He’s horrified to even bring it up. He finds the whole ordeal mortifying enough. “I just can’t figure out where I went wrong.” 

“Honestly, Noah, I was surprised you made it as far as you did with him,” Jolly interjects. Noah had no idea he’d been listening in and his cheeks heat. “He hasn’t really liked anyone or anything for years. Not since Jazz.”

He wonders if Jolly should be telling him this. He almost regrets asking, but he needs to know who Jazz is and what happened to make him like this. He needs to know why everything went from fine to disastrous in the blink of an eye.

“What happened with Jazz?” he asks, and Jolly’s shaking his head as soon as he’s done asking.

“Not for me to tell you. You’ll have to ask Nick.”

But he can’t ask Nick. Nick won’t respond to his fucking texts, but he’s always been persuasive. He leaves the bar with Nick’s address scrawled on a bar napkin, and he feels like a stalker. Maybe he kind of is, but he feels more hopeful than he has in a week.

Nick looks like a wreck when he pulls the door open. Noah peers past him into the apartment, and it’s even worse. He doubts he’s gone outside since the moment he stepped foot back in, and he doubts he’s slept much either, if he goes off the deep blue circles beneath his eyes. 

“What are you doing here, Noah?” Nick asks, sounding exhausted. He expected anger or distaste when he showed up at Nick’s door unannounced, but he never could have anticipated the look and sound of defeat he’s met with instead.

“I wanted to make sure you’re okay. No one’s heard from you and—” Noah starts saying, but decides to get on with it instead. He figures the best way to get his answer is to cut to the chase. “Jolly and Folio told me about Jazz.”

“They wouldn’t have.” Nick says, rolling his eyes. He’s right enough.

“So you got dumped, Nick—”

He stops before he can say the rest, because Nick growls in a way that scares him a little, makes him feel fucking ill. When Noah meets his eyes, there’s a fiery anger that, even from one of the grouchiest people he’s ever met, shocks him. He half expects the door to be slammed in his face.

“Oh, they really didn’t tell you shit,” Nick starts. This is where the disgust Noah was expecting was hiding. “Jasmine is fucking dead, Noah.”

[melanieph321]

Ruben Dias x Black Reader - The Bodyguard Part 3/8

Summary - Reader is a popstars in trouble and Ruben is her new bodyguard, here to protect and help her find out who wants to hurt her. But what happens when the relationship between Reader and Ruben simply gets too personal?

Enjoy!

"What were you thinking? Y/N, have you completely lost your fucking mind?"

Your hungover crippled every part of your body except for your ears. The tounge lashing you received from your sister did nothing to mend your headache.

"Please can I have a day off." She said, mocking your voice. "My ass! A party. I tell you to lay low and you end up going to a party?"

Your hands went to cup your ears, having heard enough of the noise. Your sister had always been great at lecturing you. She basically raised you since you were kids.

"And you lost your phone on top of that, how great."

"And you..."

She turned to Ruben who stood in the corner, observing the ongoing dispute in the living room.

"Where were you? I thought you were a professional. My sister could have gotten hurt last night."

"It's not his fault." You muttered.

"Damn right it's not, it's yours! Now I've got to cancel important meetings today just to fix the mess you made with the press." She grabbed her purse on the go. "Whatever you do Y/N, don't leave the apartment until I get back alright?"

You nodded. "Fine I won't. I fucked up, I get it. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologies to me, I'm not the one who spent all night cleaning up your vomiting."

As your sister stormed out of the apartment you closed your eyes and sighed. There where a few tears that escaped your eyes, perhaps because you were generally stressed about everything going on in your life.

"I'll be in my room if you need me." Ruben said, leaving you alone in the living room. He was giving you the cold shoulder as well, perhaps because you made his job very difficult the other night. You bet that none of the Dubai sheiks had him clean up their vomit all night.

Determined not to waste the day away, you dragged yourself back to your room. You had the equipments to do your song writing in there, as well as record some of them. You had no problems writing your own songs and for the most part you really enjoyed it. The magic of your music often came to life during isolated moments, and locking yourself in your room seemed like the perfect way to salvage the day. With a cup of black coffee to battle the hangover, you took a seat on your bed and started to dive deep into your thoughts. Hours of solitude passed as you poured your emotions onto paper. Every lyric, every melody, was carefully crafted, capturing the essence of your late experiences. The pain, the joy, the excitement, all woven into a beautiful tapestry of art.

Oblivious to the world outside your room, you sang softly, letting your voice fill the empty space. You barely noticed that the door creaked open, revealing Ruben standing in the doorway. Silently, he observed you from a distance, only knocking on the door to gain your attention once he thought you were done with whatever you were doing.

"Yes?" You looked up from your notebook, suprised to see him there, watching you.

He cleared his throat. "Maria, your chef...."

"Yes?"

"She's leaving in an hour, shall I tell her to prepare you somthing before she goes?"

"Oh." You turned to the window, the sun was setting on the horizon outside. All day had gone by without your knowledge.

"Um...no thanks, tell her I'm okay."

You went back to your pen and paper. However you couldn't help but notice how the door never shut. Looking up, Ruben was still standing in the doorway, watching you.

"Yes?" You frowned.

"You should eat something." His throat moved when he swolled.

"But I'm not hungry."

His eyebrow twitched, followed by an expression impossible to read. He nodded his head but remained steadfast. "You should eat something anyways."

"Ruben, you can't tell me what to..."

"Dehydration is a known cause of death."

"I'm not dehydrated."

Ruben nodded uttering a faint, "Understood." He then left the doorframe, returning downstairs.

You tried to pick up on your songwriting after that, however, a plaguing guilt stirred your abdomen.

"Fuck me." You sighed, chucking your song writing things aside, heading downstairs.

"Senhora."

You entered the kitchen seeing Ruben and your chef Maria deep in conversation. Their eyes widened at the sight of you.

"Am I too late, is there still a chance that you can cook me somthing to eat?"

Maria looked not to comprehend. She turned to Ruben, who to your suprise, spoke to her in a different language, the two of them understanding each other.

"She says, what would you like to eat?" Ruben translated. Apparently he spoke Brazilian.

"I'll have whatever." You said, gesturing to Maria.

She smiled, grabbing her apron and tugging it over her head.

You took a seat around the kitchen island, watching Maria bring out everything she needed from the fridge and so on.

"You changed your mind." Ruben said, resting his elbows before you. His biceps clenched as he did.

"You were right, I should eat something, anything."

Ruben nodded. "Good."

You chuckled. "Great."

Maria threw together a dish you've never had before. It looked and smelled good, however you were a picky eater and not very fond of trying new things.

"It's called Arroz de Pato." Ruben said, as a plate was set before you. "It's like duck rice, a portuguese specialty."

"Right." You said, skeptically.

"Try it, you'll enjoy."

Ruben was given a plate himself and to your suprise, grabbed the chair in front of you to sit down and eat it.

You had never seen him take a break and eat before, especially not together with you. But as he dug in, like a child starved from a day full of adventure, so did you.

"Wow." You exclaimed, as the most soothing flavors watered your mouth.

Ruben nodded "It's good right?"

"Really good." You looked to Maria, hoping that she'd understand you.

"Ela gosta." Ruben said, which made Maria smile and bow her head with courtesy. You two were left to enjoy your meals once she cleared up the kitchen for the day and went home.

"So you're originally from Brazil?" You asked.

Ruben made you wait for him to chew his food before he spoke. "Portugal." He said.

"But you understand brazilian?"

"Portuguese you mean. They speak portuguese in both Brazil and Portugal. "

"Oh." Heat rose to your face. All this time you had been calling it brazilian.

Ruben chuckled.

"It's not funny."

"It kinda is."

"I just love brazilian food so much. I've been to so many restaurants that claims to serve traditional brazilian dishes, but none of them cooks like Maria."

"No? Maybe I can teach you some recepies, I know a few."

"Ruben that would be amazing, but isn't that kind of below your paygrade?"

He chuckled. "I've done alot of things below my paygrade lately, teaching you how to cook won't hurt."

"Yeah, I guess I owe you an apology for last night. I didn't mean for things to get so out of hand I promise." You had told Ruben to trust you, only to break that trust. Now he was never gonna let you out of his sight. You'd be smothered by his constant presence.

"I believe you." He said, setting his utensils on his empty plate.

"You do?"

He nodded. "As long as you don't lie to me again, I have no problem keeping my distance whilst still doing my job. I'm not hired to harass you Y/N, I'm hired to protect and serve you."

His words clenched your heart, especially the way his eyes darkened when he looked at you.

"Ruben I..."

There was a loud knock on your door.

Ruben shot up to his feet, gesturing for you to stay put.

"It's probably just my sister, back from her meetings."

"Your sister has a key." Ruben said and stayed close to the wall as he crossed the living room, approaching the door. You watch him bend forward and peep through the lookout.

"Who is it?"

"A woman." He frowned.

"Open up you fucking bitch."

"And she appears to be intoxicated."

"Let me see." You got up and out of your chair.

"Y/N, don't..." Ruben tried to stop you but you hurried to unlock the door only to be met with...

"Tanya?" You frowned. "What are you doing here."

"How could you do this to me, what do you even need five million euros for, your albums are doing great."

"My what now?"

"Do you know this lady?" Ruben asked.

"Of course,  she's my friend."

Declaring that she wasn't a threat to your life Ruben helped you to shuffle the tearful woman into your apartment. She was only dressed in a night robe and exclusive red bottom heels. You brought her to the living room, covering her in blankets as the nights cold had done her no good.

"Don't pity me, Y/N, this is all your fault." She said.

"What are you talking about, Tanya?"

She tossed you her phone, lighting herself a cigarette. The screen was showing a message thread from your number. The messages contained explicit photos of both Tanya and yourself, photos taken at a underground party that the two of you had attended two years ago. It was a nice party, but very adult themed. You rembered Tanya warning you to stick to her side at all times. You watched her do the most unpleasant things to her body, including letting other people snort cocain off her naked spine.

"You don't remember sending me these?" She said, pointing to the screen in your hand. The latest message from you read "Ten million or I'll crop these up and post them for you."

You shook your head. "Tanya I swear I didn't send you these. Those photos..." You looked to Ruben who stood near, overhearing everything. "...I would never share them with anybody, those were the rules, no?"

"Then how do you explain the message Y/N, they're all coming from your number. That's your number right?"

"It is but..." A punch in the gut as you realized. "I lost my phone at Elvis party yesterday."

"Great, so it's that munchkin who's trying to ruin me."

"Of course not, he would never."

"Then who is it then Y/N, because if this gets out I'm done. I have just patched things with my team, I did my time in rehab. Can someone please tell me whatta hell is going on?"

You took the matters into your own hands, typing a message into Tanya's phone.

"Y/N, you shouldn't..."

Ruben caught on what you were doing, but by then you had already pressed send.

The message read: "Who are you – xoxo Y/N."

The reply came almost immediately, taking the breath out of the whole room as the phone vibrated in your hand.

"What does it say?" Tanya said, blowing smoke out of the corner of her mouth.

Your hands trembled as you showed her the screen. The message read: "It's me, your favorite Dickonataor 3000."

[you-know-honey]

How does it feel to be in a relationship with the Nameless Ghouls (Based on songs)

I've been listening to music while I prepare a lot of fanfics and have ideas for others and…have you ever thought about what it would feel like to love Nameless Ghouls (in a realistic way)?

Well I think I have the answer...

𝔊𝔥𝔬𝔲𝔩𝔰

Mountain

Say Yes To Heaven - Lana del Rey

He is quite a fan of dancing waltzes and is sure that soft, deep music makes plants and their relationship grow better in those small, intimate dance sessions.

If you dance, I'll dance And if you don't, I'll dance anyway

Mountain is like calm. Not calm before the storm, just calm.

Give peace a chance Let the fear you have fall away

He is a calm and silent child, he has the look of a sweet deer that surrounds your heart with sweetness and keeps it warm and loved.

I've got my eye on you

Even if you doubt his love at first since you wouldn't expect the most serious ghoul to be interested in you, he will reinforce the idea of ​​accepting the happiness and peace that is offered. As if it were about touching the sky.

Say yes yo heaven

He only wants one thing in return: commitment. You have his heart and spirit in your hands, he only asks that you take care of him.

Say yes to me

He could never tie you down, he wouldn't be able to keep you from your dreams. If you leave he will stay at the door waiting for your return. He could change his life but never his love.

If you go. I'll stay You come back, I'll be right here

He will be your lighthouse in the darkness, even if the earth moves and the tide covers everything, even when you think it's all over. He will be there holding you close to his chest.

Like a barge at sea In the storm, I stay clear

Even if everyone told him that going out with you is a bad idea, he would never stop, he has accepted his love for you and has the courage to face life with you with or without the approval of others.

I've got my mind on you

Phantom

Golden Hour - JVKE

Phantom can promise you a young love, you are his first love, the first person for whom his heart went crazy.

It was just two lovers Sittin' in the car, lintening to Blonde, fallin' for each other

It will be like living in a cheesy movie, dates full of hope and overwhelming emotion.

Pink and orange skies, feelin' super childish, no Donald Glover

He doesn't mind taking risks, he could invent some excuse, no matter how bad it may be, the scolding goes on deaf ears, if it were for you he would do it again.

Missed call from my mother Like: Where you at tonight? Got no alibi

Every second with him is intense, part of a song. He admires you like a deity, the most beautiful and charming person in his eyes.

I was all alone with the love of my life She's got glitter for skin, my radiant beam in the night I don't need no light to see you

An hour with you is like a dream for him and a dream is an eternity. A golden dream.

Shine It's you golden hour You slow down time

He's not afraid to do stupid things for love, he'll steal the car and disappear all weekend with you.

Feet up on the dash, drivin' nowhere fast Burnin' through the summer

I would dedicate every romantic song that comes on the radio to you, I would write the lyrics in a notebook for you.

Radio on blast, make the moment last She got solar power, minutes feel like hours

Love hit him hard, he has fallen for your charms and will refuse to free himself from them.

Can you even imagine fallin' like I did?

He would give himself completely to your wishes, there are no "No" for you.

For the love of my life She's got glowon her face, a glorious look in her eyes

He would give himself completely to your desires, there is no such thing as a "No" for you. You have an eternity to spend with your first and only love.

My angel of light

Rain

Aengus' Fool - Sleep Walking Animals

Romance hadn't been an option for Rain until you showed up.

Love looks good on you

Explore sensations you don't know you have, he swim upstream to you. He will fight against the current instead of going with the flow like he used to do just for you.

Light as a feather but tough as a stone

It makes him blush to see how you love everything that others consider boring about him, he doesn't understand how he lived without you all this time.

When you're barely together But never alone

He will know how to be there for you when things get bad and will protect your heart from the waves that threaten to break it.

When a hand on the leg is the best you can do

Everyone can see that something has changed in him, there is something refreshing in his heart, a tide of emotion. There is a gift in front of your door always at dawn, you should never forget how much he loves you.

I read you a passage From yesterday's paper

Feelings do not come and go, they stay with him every day and always grow a little more, he has never tried so hard to make someone happy.

With a smile that escapes you

¿Do you know that you bring out the best in me too?

He will leave his love story marked in history, to meet you again in the next life and walk back into your heart.

I've been waiting since the last time i was here For you to come home Took a while but know your here

He feels wild and willing to break the rules, he would pay the price for you. I would raise the waters of the sea if it is part of your wishes.

And somehow Nothing matters Matters now

Live in a dream that he never imagined, delivered to you. Keep discovering something else to love you.

I'll stand by yhe bedside And watch how she sleeps

He never thought that love looked so good on him, he feels that romance was a gift you gave him.

Sifting through poems For phrases to keep

Watching you breathe makes him happy like the sound of the sea, there is always an adventure wherever you go and he is willing to let himself go.

She'll open her eyes- there's a day to pursue

He feels so proud of receiving love that if you are mentioned at the slightest in a conversation, he will divert everything to talk about you unconsciously.

II'll shout from the mountains LIke Aengus' Fool

Swiss

I See You - Jutty Ranx

This man doesn't play games, he likes you even before you like him. He could spend months flirting with you to bring out the crush in you. The way you refused to let yourself be loved only made it more fun.

You were never young, my love I can tell, not by the way that you smell

When you grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and crashed his lips into yours, his heart exploded. He didn't expect the intensity of emotions you released in him, as if he were a first-time lover.

But by the way you move your tongue, my love Somebody shake me, what can I do?

He touches your body as if it were going to break, it's like being drugged with you, he sees the stars in your eyes.

Am I in love with the night? Am I in love with you?

He knows that with you everything is different. Real. It's not just one night, it's one of many nights alone with you, you will see a hopeless romantic more than a sexy flirt. He has a lot to give, centuries of love to give.

Will you take what I've got? Will we die on the spot?

He is addicted to emotion, to the eternal flutter of butterflies in his stomach, he doesn't want to call it love until you do.

You make me, make moves

He moves like a puppy after you, he likes everything about you. He wants to know everything about you, even what you don't like about yourself. He will let you know that no matter what happens, you won't get rid of him. He will walk over your thorns with a smile, nothing could stop him.

I see you, you know I see you I break through to get to you Its so true

Sometimes he feels like a fool for having wasted his time on other people before meeting you.

How could I How could I pretend I didn't notice? An incision when you looked back

The world stopped existing when your refusals to go out with him turned into a "Yes." Maybe he doesn't have much but it's all for you.

I want you to myself Can we take this somewhere else?

There is nothing hidden from you, see what you want to see, touch what you want to touch. He will make you feel how you deserve to feel.

My heart's an open book and you just took it off the shelf

(The song looked very good, don't you think? *wink, wink*)

Sodo

Teeth - Five Seconds Of Summer

He got angry with himself when he found himself smiling when talking to you. As if he couldn't feel that happiness with anyone else, day and night you're going to be in his head and he doesn't want that.

Some days, you're the only thing I know Only thing that's burning when the nights grow cold

He is a distrustful boy, he will shout for you to leave only to beg you to stay. He doesn't understand his feelings and fears that they will end up devouring and destroying you.

Can't look away, can't look away

He tries to maintain balance so as not to scare you, he doesn't want to see himself in need of love but he also doesn't want you to think that he no longer feels anything for you.

Sometimes, you're a stranger in my bed

He has a complicated heart and fears that you are smart enough to let him drop and look for something better.

Don't know if you love me or you want me dead.

He wants to deceive himself. Pretending that all your love for him is just a cruel joke but he knows when he hears your voice that it's just him being an idiot insecure.

Something in the way you're looking through my eyes Don't know if I'm gonna make it out alive

He is eager to devour you, to show you how strong, suffocating, eternal and perhaps painful his love is. Like a fire demon he fears that his intensity might scare you, deep down he just wants to burn in a pile love and desire with you.

Talk so pretty, but your heart got teeth Late night devil, put your hands on me And never, never, never ever let go

He doesn't consider himself a romantic in public, one lucky day he might leave a kiss on your lips while walking around. He is not predisposed to be sweet, "I love you" sounds complicated to say. But you can bet that at night he fantasizes about it.

Some days, you're the best thing in my life Sometimes when I look at you, I see my wife

He knows what he is capable of, he takes your heart so high that letting it fall would make it turn to dust. He satisfies your happiness, as he savors the sweetness you pour on him.

Talk so pretty, but your heart got teeth

Sometimes he thinks that you have fallen in love with a version of him that only exists in your mind and wants to become that fantasy inside you. He wants to become the best version of the demon he is.

Blood on my shirt, a rose in my hand You're looking at me like you don't know who I am

Deep down and perhaps in the solitude of his room you can see how desperate he is for you, how he simply became addicted to who you are and how he wants to destroy your heart so he can take you with him forever.

Never, never, never ever let go

𝔊𝔥𝔬𝔲𝔩𝔢𝔱𝔱𝔢𝔰

Cumulus

Sweater Weather - The Neighbourhood

She saw you from the first day and knew that sooner or later she would fall for you, she's not stupid, she just knew it. She was clear that she loved you.

I want the world in my hands

She makes the world seem only for both of you and her, even when the situation is not pleasant she would do anything to make you smile.

I hate the beach, but I stand In California, with my toes in the sand

His heart breaks when you cry, he just can't stand it, he will tuck you in and stay with you, sometimes you don't need a solution, just a long cuddle session and some tears.

Use the sleeves of my sweater

Even if you are afraid about the veracity of her feelings, she will make sure to take your hand and go through that haze of insecurity with you and let you know that you are and will be the only one in her life.

Let's have an adventure Head in the clouds, but my gravity's centered

Even though she is always in control of her life, when the water becomes turbulent and icy, she knows that she can find a warm home in your arms, just you and her. Holding your heart next to his.

'Cause it's too cold For you here and now So let me hold

He will always make small gestures for you, maybe that cool breeze on that hot summer afternoon was a gift from him, the cup of hot tea after a long day of work. Sometimes you don't need words, just hide your face in the crook of his neck, breathe in his scent and know that you are safe. A touch says a thousand words and she has proven it to you.

One love, two mouths One love, one house Just us, you find out

He has a habit of nuzzling your neck, he likes to see you shiver from his touch, sharing only a long game of glances. A strong and intense connection. She is not a girl of many words, she loves you and will show you in every possible way.

And if I may just take your breath away I don't mind if there's not much to say

When you are together, regardless of whether there are other people around you, all that goes into the background, she will hold your hand with pride and teach the world to see you the way she sees you, like the most beautiful star in the sky.

The goosebumps start to raise The minute that my left hand meets your waist And then I watch your face

She feels nostalgic for the first beautiful moments shared, don't misunderstand her, she loves the present with you but she likes to travel from time to time at the beginning and admire how far you have come together.

Sometimes the silence guides our minds To move to a place so far away

Aurora

Dandelions - Ruth B.

She was extremely excited when he identified that what he felt for you was love, she walked from one place to another with a smile on his face. She had always read about how magical love was and experiencing it with you seemed like a dream to her.

'Cause I'm in a field of dandelions Wishing on every one that you'll be mine, mine

She longs with all her soul to spend the rest of her life with you, to have a little house in the country and to live in a fairy tale forever. You are her special person, her world, her hope, hers everything. More than once you will catch her daydreaming about that beautiful future.

But it's so good, I've never known anybody like you But it's so good, I've never dreamed of nobody like you

You're always nervous around her, she has too much energy and everyone basically adores her, like you're afraid that one day her feelings for you will just disappear. Every morning she will ask you if you want to be her partner, a cute and tender way to make you understand that every day she gets out of bed and her heart decides to continue loving you.

Maybe it's the way you say my name Maybe it's the way you play your game

Will she make true works of art for you, paint stars on your ceiling, embroider small details on your clothes, ¿did you see something in a store that interested you? It will appear in your room the next day. She is not a superstitious girl but she knows how fragile and ephemeral the nature of dreams and the desires of the heart is, she wants to give you everything it desires so that when she looks into your eyes she sees the living spark of dreams come true.

When you're looking at me I've never felt so happy

His feelings are a clear example of purity and innocence, he is dying of excitement to recreate each of the cheesiest scenes from romance movies with you. He cannot understand jealousy, he runs away from it and will need your kisses and your loving gaze to calm down.

I think that you are the one for me 'Cause it gets so hard to breathe When you're looking at me

She looks at you and knows that you are HIS person, unique and incomparable, perhaps destiny she is grateful that you came into his life and he does not plan to lose you, like a shooting star that does not pass twice.

And I've heard of a love that comes once in a lifetime And I'm pretty sure that you are that love of mine

When distance separates them due to the band's tours, she longs more than ever to be with you, there wouldn't be a night without making video calls almost until dawn. She knows that when she is with you she is free, free from the Ministry, free from his duty to the band, she is simply complete when she is with you.

I've never felt so alive and free

His dreams have come true, she has the deep and true love she always wanted, she will wake up every morning to look into your eyes and smile and know that his deepest desire is real, tangible and completely his.

And I see forever in your eyes I feel okay when I see you smile, smile

Cirrus

I Was Made For Lovin' You - KISS

You have liked her for a long time, you tried to declare yourself several times but you were very shy so she had to take the initiative, it was a direct declaration full of love and desire.

Tonight I wanna give it all to you

Free time is something that Cirrus doesn't have as often as she wants, so when the night comes and she's finally free, she'll sneak into your room to completely surrender to your arms in the privacy of the night.

We're going to make it all come true

Both of you are predestined to love each other, in some other life she knows that he must have done something very well to deserve you in this life one again.

I wanna lay it at your feet 'Cause, girl, I was made for you

Everything suggested itself organically little by little to end up forming a healthy and symbiotic relationship. They are not together all day, she understands that you may need your space but she will always keep his eyes on you, even if you don't know it. It's his little secret.

And I can't get enough of you, baby Can you get enough of me?

It not only talks about physical love, but also about a deep emotional connection, it knows what you feel even before you know it, it will give you your space if you are upset, it will hug you when you cry and kiss every part of your body to let you know that in his eyes you are the real figure of a goddess and he will not hesitate to fulfill all your wishes.

I wanna see it in your eyes Feel the magic

She has secretly created songs just for you, like a hymn to the passionate love that runs through her veins since she has been with you, a girl who gives her all to make you touch the stars.

There's something that drives me wild

The connection is inescapable between the two, destined to be together or an excellent coincidence of life that finally came to pass.

I was made for loving you, baby You were made for loving me

[ramayantika]

A goodbye needed

From being born in Hyderabad to living in the northern part of India, that is Gurgaon and then the Western side, Maharashtra to Vishakhapatnam in the south and finally in the eastern states of Chhattisgarh, West Bengal, and Odisha, I do get to say that I covered eighteen years of my life in the four main directions of India. But my favourite city has and will always be Kolkata.

To be honest, my brother desperately wanted to live in Kolkata because of Eden Gardens in our GK book. I wasn't that interested until I arrived in Kolkata in 2016 to appear for the written test in my school. The exam went well and so did the interview. I remember my father lived in a small bachelor's one room apartment in Ruby Park. My eleven year old eyes were stunned as they took in the grandeur of the old buildings from the British era to the modern metros and malls of Kolkata. When I came back to Raipur, all I knew was Kolkata would be life changing for me.

And in 2017, I did come home. To Kolkata. A small roadside apartment facing a canal where you don't have crystal clear water but drainage water. Somehow the water wasn't stinky until the arrival of the monsoon showers. I lived there from 2017 to 2020. I was supposed to stay there until 2022 but fate had other plans but that's a story for another day.

I always call Kolkata home even though I am from Odisha. It was the only city that embraced all shades of me. I spent the first two years of my teenage there. The damp roads leading to my apartment have heard my songs above sweet love and true friendship. On quiet midnights, my tiny balcony knew the whispers of my soul, and the questions it asked about fate and the world. The monsoon rainfall told me how to appreciate nature and beauty. I learnt to dance with storms, and dream of stories that I now write and desperately wish to be a part of.

I met a teacher who told me in a tone akin to a whisper in front of the class that I am like a small pandora box, hidden from view but having the most wonderful and beautiful things to offer the world. The next month I danced for a school event and God since then I never looked back. Kolkata connected my soul to literature and culture.

I am no longer in Kolkata but each time my calendar notifies Rabindranath Thakur's jayanti, my heart goes to the old tunes of Rabindra sangeet; the beauty and tenderness of his songs that captured my heart and caused me to spill some of my poetry in the last page of my rough notebook.

I visited kolkata again in December 2021 after first term examinations of class twelve. My connection with kolkata broke like a plant uprooted from its soil. It felt as if I had been banished from home. All the months that passed, and all the seasons that changed showed me memories and dreams of what could have been in kolkata. But when I visited kolkata, I saw how some things had changed.

My home appeared....... different? I always say that my young soul blossomed in Kolkata. The same soul turned sad at the emotion that the city showed me. Perhaps that's how growing up is. To see that things around you change, people, roads, hearts everything but somewhere there still lies a calling that says, 'hey, I know things are different. But I am still here. Look at me, embrace the new me. Embrace yourself. You are changing too.'

Where it once used to be wonder, nostalgia filled my heart as I met my friends after two years. I passed through my apartment again and smiled at the balcony, my small corner for solitude. I saw a few towels hanging there.

Going back from Kolkata felt a little sad. I could not accept the change. I had been uprooted from my roots, and when I come back I see new flowers springing up. Without me?

Then after a year, I visited Kolkata again in July 2023. I had grown so had the city. When I passed by the same British era buildings and Howrah bridge, the same wonder struck my soul. I saw a few flowers growing on the pathway, getting their nourishment from the July showers. The empty space in my heart too was filled with flowers. My friends who are now in their respective colleges, doing their own things with their own friend circles now but somehow we come together. Just like old days before.

Home is always home no matter how far you go or how long you stay away from it. Home will always welcome you back. The fragrance of wet earth filled my soul with a warm blanket, as if telling me that all this while, I waited for you. I am different but I am still your friend.

Era sukher laagi chahe prem, prem mele na.

Shudhu sukh chole jaye emoni mayar cholona

This song will always remind me of Kolkata, the warm monsoon nights that were filled with a longing of love, friendship and magic. It will take me back to dreams and whispers of a fantasy that my heart still believes in that I would one day bring forth the wonder and beauty of my Self to the world. It will remind me that there must be tender days to be spent in reading poetry on a cool evening.

The day I boarded the train to Durgapur, my heart hummed the tune of Era Sukher Lagi from Choker Bali. As the train left the station, I waved at my young self through the window. It was farewell. I would come home later for my dance work, a thread that shall tie me to this wonderful city forever but I would never come home this way ever again and for the first time I was happy. And perhaps to witness an end to a heartwarming journey of nostalgia, acceptance to change and farewell, the clouds showered rainfall against the window just like the cool monsoon nights years ago.

All was well....

[tightjeansjavi]

Endings Create New Beginnings

Burning in a Hopeless Dream | The Prologue: Part 2 (final part)

(Joel Miller x f!reader)

A/N: I genuinely feel like this might be the most complicated piece I have written in the sense that I went out of my comfort zone a little bit. Rather focusing on dialogue, I used a lot of descriptions of what the reader is going through, what she is mourning and what Joel is feeling as she goes through this. To be completely honest with you? This is beautiful. It’s tragic in the sense that these two people have no idea just how meaningful they will soon be to one another. I feel like I have done them a justice by writing their true beginning. There are dark themes throughout this piece so please tread carefully. Please read part 1 before this piece and while this is Joel and Gwen’s story, I have written it as a readers perspective. There are no physical descriptions of the reader.

Thank you for reading ♡

~word count: 5.1k~

Summary: after losing your lover, and friends of 5 years, you find yourself running straight into Joel Miller, and his partner, Tess Servopoulos. You don't know it then, but your life is about to drastically change forever.

Warnings: dark themes, depression, mourning, suicidal thoughts, guilt of one’s death, feelings of being trapped, isolation, dark thoughts in both the reader and Joel’s mind, hinting at soulmates without directly stating it, stubbornness, banter, empathy, jealously, secret pining, feelings of denial, mistrust, anxiety, brief depiction of a knife wound, stitches, alcohol consumption, confusing thoughts, fear of the unknown, no use of y/n, no physical descriptions of the reader, (+18) minors dni!

Songs Used:

“I Wonder” by Shawn Mendes

“The Alcott” by The National and Taylor Swift

“Lift Me Up” by Rihanna

“The View Between Villages” by Noah Kahan

“Everything Has Changed” by Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran

“My Cell” by the Lumineers

“Second Chances” by Gregory Alan Isakov

“Dear Patience” by Niall Horan

“After the Storm” by Mumford & Sons

You quickly came to the realization that Joel and Tess’s ‘empathy’ only stretched so far. You weren’t even sure if empathy was the right word to use, especially when it came to Tess. She had no issues showing her glaringly obvious distaste towards you. You really couldn’t blame her, simply for the fact that only a mere few hours ago, you had thrown your knife at Joel’s face. If you were in her shoes, you would have felt the same way that she did.

Joel and Tess didn’t take you to the QZ right away. It created a rather awkward, and tense situation given the circumstances. Your mind played tricks on you, and made you believe that maybe the pair had changed their mind. Maybe they were going to kill you after all. Joel could smell the stench of your fear from a mile away as he slowed his heavy footsteps down.

“Easy.” He spoke softly to you. “We have to wait for nightfall before we can sneak you in. There’s a set curfew that starts at 6pm, till 6a.m. Tess and I are always breakin’ the rules, and this ain’t our first rodeo. FEDRA only patrols specific blocks at a time. Our apartment isn’t far from the main entrance. So, once it’s late enough, we’ll sneak you in through the tunnel system. You won’t have to worry about runnin’ into any QZ residents either. If we do happen to be caught by FEDRA, you run, and you don’t don’t look back. Do I make myself clear?” His back was resting along a nearby tree, arms crossed over his chest. His tone may have been soft, but you averted making eye contact with him regardless.

“How long have you and Tess lived in the QZ?” you scratched the outside of your arm absentmindedly. The rain had since long passed, but your clothes were entirely soaked through. Joel could see your body trembling, shivering from where he was leaned up against the tree.

“A while. I’ll be honest, ain’t no one really keeps track of how many days, months, years have gone by. They’ve all blended together for me at this point.” He gave a small shrug of his shoulders before he gently pushed himself off the tree, taking a few steps towards you. “Hey, are you cold? Would you like my jacket?”

You took a hesitant step back when he approached you and Tess scoffed at your inability to recognize that Joel wasn’t going to kill you. He wasn’t going to harm you. She turned her nose up at the fact that you were still acting like a frightened cornered animal.

“No thank you. I’m fine. Please..don’t come any closer to me.” You whispered.

Joel let out a visible sigh as he shrugged his thick layered jacket off of his body. “You’re gonna catch a nasty fuckin’ cold shiverin’ like that. Take the jacket.” He firmly demanded as he held the coat in his outstretched hand towards you. “I won’t come any close to you, but take the damn jacket.”

You knew he was right and despite wanting to show a hint of stubbornness, and to prove that your brain hadn’t entirely been fried by trauma, you reached for his coat, grasping the material between your fingers. You briefly made eye contact with him as you slipped your arms through the sleeves. The material was warm, warmer than you had expected. The outside layer of fabric had a residual scent of whiskey, pine, and woodsmoke. A wave of nostalgia washed over you, and Joel could see the emotions swirling through your pupils, as if they were trying to tell him a story; mapped out delicately in your irises.

“Thank you.” Your tone was barely above a whisper.

“Don’t mention it.” He returned to his prior position against the evergreen, arms crossed, stern gaze falling on you.

When the sun began to set, and the sky grew into an endless black pit, with only the pale moonlight to guide you, Joel and Tess guided you to their secret entrance into the QZ. A series of underground tunnels that ran under the QZ. Smuggling routes that Joel and Tess knew by heart.

The tunnels had you feeling claustrophobic in some moments. With only Joel’s flashlight as a light source, it was easy for your heart to start racing in your ribcage. Everytime you could hear the sound of Fedra trucks driving above ground, you squeezed your eyes shut tight. You had heard hushed whispers of what the quarantine zones were really like and more than ever now, you were missing your close knit camp with your once living friends.

Tess was the first to climb out of the hole in the ground, surveying the area while Joel offered you his hand and carefully hoisted you up. The streets were quiet sans the distant shouts of FEDRA soldiers. Joel was already nudging you up the street, gun drawn at his side. You were overwhelmed with the newfound stench of the quarantine zone. A mixture of filth, soot, and ash burned your nostrils and watered your eyes. The smell of rotting flesh nearly had you gagging, feeling lightheaded. Had they lied to you? Why did they bring you here? Was the quarantine zone just disguised as a raiders commune? Joel promised he wouldn’t hurt you, he promised–

“Hey, hey. Easy now darlin.’ You’re safe. That smell? It’s..not what you think it means.” He whispered under his breath as he gently grasped your arm. “When FEDRA brings in potential new residents, they’re put through a series of screenings and tests. If you’re found to be infected..they administer a shot that puts ya to sleep. Pretty much is like euthanizing a dog, or a cat. After they put you to sleep, your body is burned in a huge pit. It’s one of the more grueling jobs in the QZ, but it pays well with ration cards.”

Tess was already a few lengths ahead of you and Joel as she impatiently waited for the two of you. “Uh, any day now would be really fuckin’ nice.” She harshly whispered through the dead of night.

“C’mon. Our apartment is just a couple blocks east. We gotta move fast though, alright?”

All you could do was nod as Joel nudged you in front of him to keep moving forward. He couldn’t see your face, but he just had a feeling that his jacket was bringing you some form of comfort similar to the way you felt earlier. You were indeed using his jacket, and the nostalgic smell it gave off to pacify your apprehension. Whether or not Joel saw you turn your face into the collar, was the least concern on your mind.

Whiskey, pine, woodsmoke. Whiskey, pine, woodsmoke. Whiskey, pine, woodsmoke.

Home. Home. Home.

Joel and Tess’s apartment was not what you were expecting it to look like. There was an odd sense of comfort that the small living area particularly gave off. Perhaps it was the dense multi-colored quilt that rested along the weathered couch. The quilt itself looked well loved, and you imagined being wrapped in it must have felt as close as a warm hug did. She gave the best fucking hugs. She’s dead now. You left her for dead. Her body is rotting away in the earth, and the insects have made their home in her flesh and here you fucking stand. You hadn’t even heard Tess shuffling around in the tiny kitchen behind you. You hadn’t detected the sound of a liquor bottle being popped open. Nor the splash of amber into a chipped crystal glass. All you could hear were her distant screams, and your ears painfully ringing in your skull.

“..Darlin?’” There was a certain edge to Joel’s voice. A low rasp that was ridden with exhaustion, and his own terrors. He wanted to tread carefully when approaching you. He wasn’t sure why he gave a damn in the first place. Why did his last shred of humanity fall upon your trembling shoulders? He could see your lower lip wobble in the faint reflection of the grime covered windows. He knew your friends were dead. Raiders had murdered them and you ran. There was more to the story. There were always more pages left unturned. Whatever words were written on your parchment, he imagined they were painful. The kind of pain that had you clutching your fist to your chest, clawing at the skin to rip your heart from its strings. The kind of pain that wrecked silent sobs through your body. Where tears were un-shed because your body had spent them all. The kind of pain that dried your soul to dust, ash between your trembling fingers. The kind of pain that would have your arms squeezing your broken body so tightly, you couldn’t breathe. Rocking yourself as a mother would rock a crying child except, no one was there to hold you. No lullabies were to be sung, no soft touches were to be felt. No one was there to tell you that the world wasn’t always this cruel. That the sun would always shine another day, warm your skin, feed your soul. That you wouldn’t feel trapped, clawing desperately to reach the surface as the current drags you further and further into darkness. Waves crashing, tumbling, jostling what is left of your withered being until you give up. Phantom shadows, enveloping you in a never ending chill. So cold. So alone. So broken. So beaten.

Joel knew the inner turmoil that you were facing as if it was the back of his hand. It was in a sense. He too knew of indescribable pain not that long ago. When his own soul was turned to dust between his fingers. When her body went cold in his arms as he clutched her to his chest. When he felt like breathing was the hardest thing to do. When his own tears were spent, deep salty caverns laid their claim on his cheekbones that used to ache from joyous laughter and smiling too hard. He knew of the pain you presently endured all too well.

His hand gently clasped over your shoulder, squeezing the worn fabric that encased your skin in warmth. “C’mon. I’ll uh–I'll show you to your room, okay?”

You shuddered from his touch, feeling your senses being knocked back into you like a wrecking ball turning concrete to rubble. You pulled away from his touch, caving in on yourself.

You felt his hand retract and fall to his side. He let out a deep sigh as he made brief eye contact with his partner that wasted no time on giving him the “I told you so” look before she downed her glass of whiskey in one harsh gulp, slamming the glass down on the counter with a crashing thud.

The sudden sound sent your body jolting as you followed Joel’s heavy footsteps down the narrow hallway. He pushed the door at the end of the hall open, standing off to the side. “It ain’t much, but you got a bed to sleep on and a decent blanket to keep warm. I’ll have to convince Tess to lend you some of her clothes. I imagine you ain’t got much in that bag of yours. Anyway, you should get some rest. You’re safe now.” His arms were crossed over his chest as he leaned against the peeling wallpaper.

“Thank you.” Was all you could muster out as you stepped into your new living space. Joel was right. It wasn't much, but it was more than you had in years.

“You’re welcome.” He softly pulled the door shut to give you the privacy that you didn’t realize you were desperately seeking. You listened to the heavy creaks of the floorboards beneath his boots disappear. You stood there for what felt like hours before you slowly sunk down onto the old mattress. You didn’t move. You didn’t cry. You didn’t sleep. You sat there all night long staring into the void as your mind ran excruciating circles. Head rocking like a pendulum with no end in sight. Eyes glazed, lifeless, dull, ghostly. As if all the wondrous color had been sucked from your soul. The world through your eyes now was dark, dismal, tenebrous. A swirling black pit oozing with sorrow. Dripping in overflowing guilt. Like toxic sludge bubbling and bursting through the cracked crevices in the fragments of your vanquished heart.

It's all my fault.

I did this.

I caused this.

She’s dead.

They’re dead.

Here I am, surrounded by darkness in an undeserved warm bed.

Wishing I was dead too.

Two broken heartstrings, bleeding the sad sad blues. Separated by thin walls, peeling wallpaper, creaky floorboards. Two shattered souls; unbeknownst on how devoted they would soon grow for one another. Silent sobs, nightmares, darkness consumed. Struggled breaths, dealt the same cards; fortunes foretold, they have met before.

You mourned the loss of your lover and friends for what felt like endless years. In reality, it was two weeks of you isolating yourself in your room. Two weeks of numbing yourself to the pain where all that was left was the outer shell of who you used to be. Where was she now? You had yourself convinced that part of your soul died along with the ones that you loved. Maybe it had, and maybe that part of you was never going to reach the surface again.

You soon learned that Joel Miller was a persistent man. He respected your privacy, but that didn’t mean that he didn’t go out of his way to make sure that you hadn’t offed yourself in those two long weeks. He would leave food outside your door in hopes that you wouldn’t let yourself wither away entirely. Each morning, he’d find the wrapped jerky, and long since stale biscuits untouched.

On the nights where Joel was unable to relax into sleep, he’d quietly, and carefully untangle his limbs from Tess’s before leaving their shared room. He’d find himself seated against your door, back aching at the uncomfortable angle he was in. For whatever reason he was feeling desperate to know anything, and everything he could about you. Your name, where you were from, did the sorrows and grief of your past haunt your dreamless nights just as his did?

“Can you just fuckin’ let me know you’re alive behind this door? ‘Cus I’m sitting here with an achy back for whatever goddamn reason so the least you can do is let me know you’re alive. Would greatly appreciate it.”

He was met with no answer from the other side of the door.

“Can you tell me your name, darlin?’” You heard his whisper through the thin door that separated him from you. Maybe he needed to take a softer approach, despite the fact that Joel Miller was anything but soft.

“I can’t tell you my name.” You spoke soullessly through the impending darkness that surrounded you.

So you weren’t dead behind the door, thank god. He thought to himself.

“Why can’t you tell me your name?” He pressed you further.

A pregnant pause, seconds ticking by as he awaited your answer. The floorboards creaked beneath your feet as you slowly rose from the crumpled sheets, and padded quietly to the door. You sunk down, back against the thin wood right where he was resting on the other side.

“Because everything that’s mine is a landmine Joel. Every single fucking person that knows my name is dead. Every. Single. One. They’re all dead. You’re better off not knowing my name or who I am, or where I came from. Knowing someone’s name is personal. It becomes a personal interaction and I don’t want that to happen. I don’t want anything to do with that.” You pulled your knees up to your chest, resting your chin against them with a heavy sigh.

“Now listen, I ain’t into all that superstitious crap. So you’re tellin’ me that you think everyone who knows your name is like fuckin’ doomed or somethin?’ That’s the most ridiculous thing I have ever fuckin’ heard darlin.’” I ain’t gonna die if you tell me your name.” He fought the urge to scoff but you could feel his demeanor through the door.

“Well, fine. What about you? What’s your story?..Joel…?” You paused, realizing you only knew his first name.

“Miller. Last name is Miller, and wouldn’t ya like to know, darlin.’” He was smirking to himself as he crossed his arms over his chest taking in a deep inhale before exhaling.

“Well, yeah. That’s why I asked.”

“Yeah? Well, I’m not tellin’ you anythin’ ‘bout myself till you tell me your name.” He stated as a-matter-of-factly.

“Oh? Well, guess that just means you’re gonna be sitting there for an awful long fucking time, Joel Miller from Texas.”

“How the hell did you know I was from Texas? Is my accent really that thick?” His eyes were open now as he gently rested the back of his head against the door.

“Yeah. It’s a pretty obvious southern accent. Hard to miss it.”

“Fair enough. How about this, can you give me the first letter of your name?” He was still on the topic of your name? For fuck sakes, did this man ever give up?

“No.” Was your immediate response.

“C’mon. Just the first letter, and then I promise I won’t ask ya again. Deal?”

You rubbed your fingers against your temples taking a deep breath when you realized that Joel was absolutely persistent in the most insufferable way possible. You mumbled out the first letter of your name begrudgingly.

“Was that so hard to tell me?”

“Yeah, it was. Now can you please fucking drop it? I don’t want to tell you my name, and I’d really would just appreciate the fact if you would just fucking accept that, alright? Thanks.”

Joel could sense your frustration through the door as his nails picked at the skin around his cuticles till they would tear and bleed. The light sting of his skin being split open was one that was familiar and oddly soothing. “Alright, darlin.’ I won’t pry any further. You have my word.”

A few minutes of silence had passed between the two of you. The floorboards creaked beneath his weight as he turned his body, resting his cheek along the splintered wood with a heavy sigh. It was frustrating to him that he couldn’t quite figure out why he was so immediately drawn to you. That he was causing his back to ache even more and for what? Just so he knew that you were alive? Why the hell did he care so much?

This became a routine for the two of you on the nights that sleep would not come. Sometimes you’d sit in complete silence and other times Joel would press for you to talk about anything. He wanted to get to know you, in whatever way you would allow him too. It was a challenging task and you proved to be tougher than he thought.

You never wanted to admit it, but Joel Miller wasn’t the most awful company to have in the odd hours of the morning.

It took just about a month for you to find your footing. Your body physically could not handle mourning what was no longer physically there in your grasp. Your brain was constantly in survival mode. Even now when you clearly were safer than you had ever been before, your brain hardly let you rest. Joel was not lying when he said that the most grueling jobs in the QZ paid handsomely in ration cards. You took every shitty job you could get your hands on. It was a good distraction from the constant thoughts racing through your mind. It was tricky, but somehow you had avoided working any jobs with your new “roommates.”

Despite your efforts to remain neutral with Tess, you still managed to evoke the woman in showing a deep distaste for you. She was far more intimidating than Joel was. It was obvious who was the brains of their operation, but you were also aware that Tess packed a lethal bite. It was only a short time ago that she threatened to gouge your eyes from your skull.

Some weeks you wouldn’t see Joel or Tess for days at a time. Not that it really bothered you because having the apartment to yourself had its perks. The biggest one being you didn’t feel like you had daggers trained on the back of your head. The downfall was that you were alone with your thoughts..and they weren’t going away.

“You enjoyin’ those late night chats with our new house guest?” Tess bitterly asked as Joel was patching up her arm alongside a crumbling alley outside the QZ. They had just traded a couple guns for some pills when 2 outsiders ambushed. Joel of course made both thugs regret that they had ever been born, but Tess had a fairly large gash along her forearm from a switchblade. Luckily for her it wasn’t muscle deep, but she’d still need stitches.

“What’re talkin’ about Tess?” Joel met her burning gaze as he dabbed away the blood. There was a stray sweaty curl blurring his vision and he paused his movements when she gently brushed it away.

“You don’t know what I’m talkin’ about? Bullshit, Joel. The walls are paper fuckin’ thin. Look, don’t you think she’s more than capable of bein’ off on her own? I agreed that we not kill her, but for fuck sakes. I don’t like the fact that she’s livin’ with us.” Tess didn’t want to admit outloud, but the main reason for her distaste towards you was because she viewed you as a threat. To what exactly? Well, it wouldn’t take a rocket science to figure out that Tess Servopolous was finding herself growing jealous anytime Joel diverted his attention from her, onto you. She knew it was silly, and a little embarrassing at the core, but Joel was hers. She was his, and she’d be damned if anyone got between that.

“Do’ya hear yourself right now? Look, you wanna be mad at me because I just wanted to make sure she didn’t off herself during those two weeks? Fine. Go ahead and be upset with me. I know it ain’t like me to take in strays and bring ‘em home. You and I both know that if we left her in those woods, she would have died. Hell, if Tommy were here? He probably would have killed her as soon as she threw her knife at my face. Do ya remember when he and I found you? Alone, and afraid? It wasn’t that fuckin’ long ago that you were a shell of yourself too, Tess. Tommy and I took ya in. We could have killed you, we could have left you for dead but we didn’t. Not long after you told me what happened to your husband and son. You told me about your loss, and the sacrifices you made to stay alive. I get it, you don’t like her for your own reasons, but you ain’t all that different from each other.” He concluded as he finished stitching up her wound, wrapping it firmly in some cloth before he grasped her hand and helped her up from the rocky ground.

“Fine. All i’m gonna say is that she’s gotta start pullin’ her own weight ‘round here too. You’re the one who said she might be useful to us. So, lets get some good use out of her. Today was a perfect example as to why this operation ran much smoother with three people.”

“Don’t worry. She’ll be goin’ on runs with us soon enough.” Joel zipped up his backpack and slung it over his shoulder along with his rifle. “Let's go home.”

It was springtime now. The air was warmer, there were birds outside the window that could be heard. The sun shone brighter. Despite all of this, you still felt trapped. Trapped in this apartment, trapped in your thoughts, trapped in a droning routine that was draining you day by day. You were desperate to get out. To let your lungs breathe the fresh forest air once more. Your wish was manifesting faster than you thought it would. Joel and Tess were meeting up with their two unlikely friends, Bill and Frank. Tess was against the idea at first, but you learned that Joel could be incredibly convincing when he wanted to be. That’s how you ended up outside the QZ walls after months. Joel would never say it outloud but he wanted to give you a taste of normalcy after everything you had been through. He wasn’t expecting you to thank him or anything. You owed him your life, this was true. However, he’d never ask you to repay him. He only hoped that perhaps you and him could become friends. If friends was even the right word for the journey you and him would find yourselves enduring together.

Frank adored you the moment he laid eyes on you. You believed that people had many different soulmates in their lifetime. Frank had to be your platonic soulmate in every sense. The older man was like a breath of fresh air in your lungs. His hugs reminded you of home, and his eyes were welcoming and kind. He doted you as his “little bird” when you explained why you couldn’t tell him your name. Soon enough you were being whisked into his world of art, music, books, and the simple pleasures in life that you weren’t sure if you’d ever have the privilege of experiencing again.

He showed childlike excitement when you gushed over his artistic abilities. He had all different sizes of canvases in his art room. Many of which were paintings of his polar opposite lover. He also loved to paint nature, flowers, and his favorite plants. The colors were warm, vibrant, and full of life.

“One day I'll paint a portrait of you in the wildflowers out back, how does that sound to you little bird?” His warm arm was wrapped loosely around your shoulder, a warm smile gracing his gentle features.

You were almost certain that you had met Frank in a past life. You felt as if you had known this man forever, and now you were catching up over coffee, and spilling secrets of your shared pasts. You adored him just as much as he adored you. “Wait, there’s wildflowers out back? A whole field of them?” You looked up at the older man with a bright full of life smile. You couldn’t remember the last time you had smiled this hard.

“Yes! An entire field of them. They’re all in full bloom. Would you like me to show you?” He offered you his elbow like the true gentleman he was.

You nodded enthusiastically, grasping his elbow gently as he led you out into the backyard. Your eyes watered when you gazed upon an entire field of different species of wildflowers that sprouted up between the tall thick wild grasses. Asters were your favorite, as Frank came to learn. They were all beautiful of course. Butterflies danced around your head like a fluttering halo. Their delicate wings were different hues of purple as you carefully plucked the flowers into a homemade bouquet.

Joel had been watching from afar. His arms were crossed over his chest, broad muscles bulging through the worn fabric of his flannel. He was half paying attention to the conversation Tess and Bill were having as he was too distracted by you. There was something so surreal to him, seeing you relaxed, and in your element. Could flowers truly bring one person that much pure joy? What was so special about these particular flowers? Did they remind you of home? Were they your favorite? Or did you simply just think they were pretty? Joel wondered as his jaw clenched tightly. Why were you able to find happiness in the littlest of things, and yet he couldn’t. He wondered what it would be like to see the world through your eyes at that moment. A world full of color and life. A world that wasn’t black and white.

Joel Miller wondered, and it terrified him.

He wondered if he was always being real. He wondered if he always spoke his truth, or does he filter how he feels? He wonders why he is so afraid of saying something wrong, when he never claimed to be a saint. He wondered why on the loneliest nights when he would cry into his hands, it conditioned him to feel like he was less than a man.

He wondered—

And then you met his gaze. Eyes sparkling under the warm rays of the sun. A soft smile gracing your lips. A smile different from the one you portrayed around Frank. No, this was a smile that would make any man weak in the knees. A smile that would send a man to his early grave if he never got the privilege to see it again. A smile that would now rot Joel Miller's brain to mush for the rest of the day. A smile that he felt like only he was supposed to see. A smile that had him wonder if one day you’d be by his side and promise him that the world would end up alright.

Your smile hit him like a freight train colliding with his body over, and over again.

It was true, Joel could not stop thinking of the way you smiled at him earlier in the day. He thought about it at the dinner table where he was sitting across from you. He thought about it when he found you and Frank seated side by side at the piano, giggling like two drunk fools after a few too many glasses of wine. Heads leaning against one another like old friends.

He thought about it during the odd hours of the night while Tess was asleep at his side. He stared up at the ceiling, picturing what it would possibly be like to be loved by you. Your smile was etched into his brain like a fucking tattoo. He blinked, and it wouldn’t go away. His thoughts were flooded with you.

darlin’, if my memories of you were ever stolen from my mind, my only hope is that you’d forever haunt my dreams, as someone I used to know; who is now a phantom of my past unknown.

Fin

Tag List: @chaotic-mystery @peterhollandkait @yuly @soft-cryptids @dinsdjrn @myrealmofchaos @itskenziebb @lovers-liability @korynnekorynne @ems-alexandra @kirsteng42 @casssiopeia @novemberrain-writes @goodwithcheese @loquaciousferret @sarahhxx03 @777-wonders @bonglorddaryl @mirasantidotes @luvrking @finnsbubblegum @last-girl @pedrostories @yazsos @pedgeitopascal @wildemaven @sourccream @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @amanitacowboy @morning-star-joy

[gabessquishytum]

Okay as a Particular Kind of asexual I have a rather specific au. It could work for both Hob or Dream but for my purposes let's go with Dream on this one. Human Dream is a HUGE workaholic. Like stressed 24/7, can't relax for the life of him, insomnia to the MAX. he's tried EVERYTHING. Yoga, affirmations, candles, drugs, fuck it he's even tried going GLUTEN FREE for fucks sake but nothing can break this cycle of physical and mental stress. He's gotten the "You need to get laid dude" but he can give HIMSELF an orgasm just fine, and it hasn't reset his brain or body, and the effort of going out, finding someone who wants him, determining whether they're a seriel killer, doing the Whole Hookup Song and Dance, with the high probability that it won't even work or be particularly good? It's just more stress on his plate. So a friend, could be a good friend (Lucienne) or a bad friend (Corinthian), suggest he see a Professional. A professional Dom, that is. He needs out of his head for a while, and that's the whole idea right? Just letting someone else do the driving. Cue Hob, Gentle Dom Extraordinaire, who has JUST the right touch for this mess of a man. He's kind and friendly, the kind of guy you WANT to listen to honestly, a guy you can trust, and he never gets meaner than some teasing, keeping Dream from feeling defensive and storming off. Dream goes in pretty skeptical of the whole thing, but by the time he's come out he's already addicted. Their first few sessions are distictly non sexual, but after a while they start branching out, working out Dream's physical stress...

I do think it would be really good in the other direction too, I just don't think Hob would have particular trouble NEEDING a Dom, I think he'd just try it as he does many things in his Insatiable Lust for Life and falls for Dream's Domming specifically. Soft Dom Dream? You'd never guess, especially since outside their sessions he's such a..stone cold asshole tbh. You'd think he'd be mean and demanding, but his soft deep voice says such sweet things instead, Hob MELTS.

Thanks for the platform to project all this outwards, it would be stewing in my mind FORVER otherwise

Ooo yes I'm a big fan of domination being a part of lifestyle which isn't always sexual. Dream being dommed into basic self care is something that can be so personal actually. And honestly? I can see Hob benefitting from the same thing. I can definitely imagine him going through fluctuating mental health and needing a steady hand to get him back on the right track.

Back to Dream, though. I love the idea of him going to Hob with certain expectations (Cori told him that it would be all whips and chains). But Hob is soft and kind, and he quickly puts Dream at ease. The first session is all about finding out what Dream wants, what his triggers are, how he wants to feel at the end. Hob eases him into the dynamic by guiding him through a series of orders - it's more like a guided breathing exercise than anything else, and it does give Dream a more realistic idea of what sessions with Hob are going to be like. There's also a very nice massage specifically for Dream’s hands, which he's never had before.

He leaves feeling like he's floating, with strict instructions from Hob to call if he feels any negative side effects whatsoever. He can't believe how good he feels! And he wants to be such a good boy for Hob.

Within a few weeks, Dream is eating nutritious meals and going to bed without his work laptop. He's got more important things to do in bed! He's got to send Hob a picture of his cute little hole stretching around an egg plug by 9pm, or he'll be in big trouble...

[aisaariel]

how does jk feel about his solo 7?

ponyo deck ; tarot & intuition ; july 20, 2023

hello vitas! i felt called to do this reading, so i popped out my new ponyo theme deck and did this reading. ponyo is a feisty one and the deck is straightforward, so i'm excited to work with the deck now and in the future! let's get started~

— 10w (6c), 5p (3c), Aw (Kp), 7w (Ac) // 10c

context: so let's first talk about his previous project with charlie puth, left and right. his part of the song goes, "ever since the day you went away (someone tell me how), how much more do i gotta drink for the pain? (whatcha gon' do now?), you do things to me that i just can't forget (now all i think about), are the nights we were tangled up in your bed" with the prechorus and chorus following. and then in seven, he talks about f*cking someone right in the explicit version and loving someone right in the clean version. very obvious in the music video! he explained 7 talks about doing whatever you can to be with the love of your life. this happens to provide great context for the reading.

about the song: now to what the actual cards are telling us. seeing how we start off with the ten of wands clarified by the six of cups, we see how he has spent lots of time on this song and really considered what kind of message it would bring to people who listened to it. he chose to have an explicit version and a clean version. he chose to make the songs give off the messages and vibes that they did. i think this song is an amalgamation of his view of love, his tendencies as a lover in relationships, his past relationships, his dynamics with past lovers, and such! he drew upon lots of his past it seems.

his feelings: then, we see him talking more about his thoughts. it's like he's saying "i can be your companion through your darkest troubles, look you in the eyes, see through to the deepest depths of your soul. i want to help you feel better. i want to love you, hold you tight. i want to show you that anything is possible, show you the light in the darkness, lead you to the right path. i want to make tons of mistakes with you because i know you won't judge me and i won't judge you. i want to support you in your ventures in any way that i can, be your provider, your defender, and your greatest lover. then we see the seven of swords clarified by the ace of cups. "why is it that i give you all of me but you hurt me in the end? why do you not love me, give all of you back to me? i'll follow you wherever you go; you can't get rid of me. i know you love me back. i'll wait for you until you feel comfortable and ready. baby, just look back at me once. give me a chance, give me a sign, and i'll never leave your side." (listen to "all of me" john legend)

other(?) channeled stuff: that was a huge storm of words up there and i was not present half the time that i was writing it because jk seemed very eager to explain what his song meant. so essentially, we go travel all~~~~ the way back in time to the times when he was really struggling in love. the time frame feels around 2017 or 2018? so many betrayals, so much hurting. "why is it that no matter how much love i give to you, you keep hurting me? why do you make me feel special and then break me?" and "why do i keep falling back into love with you when i know that i'll just be hurt in the end?" i don't really want to look into the specifics, but it seems like he experienced a very unhealthy relationship - the energy of this person he was in a relationship with feels older than him. it seems like he gave his all and did his best, but in the end he felt hurt, used, unheard, and unloved. he did everything that he could in his position: listening, supporting, understanding, buying presents, quality time, etc. however, what he got in return may have been coldness, lots of complaints. he may have loved this person a lot more than how much this person loved him back. i don't really know why, but it feels like this person didn't even love him back at all. like i sense this person just grinning and chuckling at his innocence in a way, when really, they were there for his fame and his body and face (bragging rights). okay i need to stop here. no more SHUSH AISA, SHUSH!!!!!!

answering the actual question: so, to finally answer the actual question that this whole post was based on, it seems like this is kind of like a "period mark" to any of what happened in the past. i see him starting new. i see him just wanting pure happiness. a happy life, a happy home, a happy family with those he loves. the song really fully encompasses how he is as a lover. he's someone who gives his all to someone he loves. he's willing to give his all. he won't leave you alone. he'll follow you around, shower you with love, show you all of him and in turn, want to know all of you. when i watched the music video and read the lyrics, i was just extremely shocked for certain reasons that i cannot share, but the representation of his lyrics in the music video hits straight to home base pretty much! he worked very hard for this single in particular and i think it really contains lots of him in regards to love. he feels very proud of it and he's happy to share it with the world. he also seems to be moving on now from past things. he's looking to a newer person, a newer perspective. this is a transitional point for him and a lot of baggage was released on his part! there was also a lot of maturing as well, so he really really worked hard on himself. this is why a lot of readers may have sensed that his energy is feeling much fresher and lighter nowadays because that's pretty much exactly what he did!

i apologize but don't apologize for this long essay. i had so much fun having jk take over most of what was written on this post!

[msoliviaswift]

we need to talk about this music video i need to talk about this music video. the aesthetic surrounding the video. wow. like the old silent movies in black and white. even Taylor's movements seem to replicate the movements of the actors of the time. again: black and white. reputation, Joe, the falling out of love.

her dress!! it looks a lot like the one she wore to the grammys for the ttpd announcement!!

oh my the pills :( but they're backwards?? maybe they're not the pills she should take since they are still going to make her sick (and facing down) (Matty)

THE THIRD FRAME IS INSANE. i really love the cinematography here!!! (Rodrigo Prieto you are a genius)

i'm sure there are a LOT of easter eggs in the fourth frame. i would love if her face became the new The Man wall.

she has already taken the pill to forget him. we leave the cold empty hospital/asylum?? room and we enter into the tortured poets department. the office where all these detectives are going to trace down the evidence to know why did this happen. why they broke her heart.

there are a lot of books/songs = evidence????? and behind Post Malone we can see the archives in which this evidence is stored.

i just love this outfit SO MUCH. and the typewriter!!!!!

there's a lot to unpack here. a blue smoke comes out from him (blue = Joe) and a kind of golden?? smoke comes out from her (I once believed love would be black and white but it's golden from Daylight, the final song on Lover). maybe she tries to bring him back to her with her golden love but her blue sadness keeps them apart from each other. i also notice the fans on the ceiling. could this be a reference to us the fans like in But Daddy, I Love Him?? also the people that are typewriting don't have faces. we don't know who they are, they, the couple, probably don't know who they are either. these people that they don't know are writing abou them. theorizing and creating their own evidence.

this frame reminds me of the one from the Out Of The Woods music video with Taylor's silhouette. i'm not sure about the meaning behind all the papers in which they wrote the evidence of their relationship. they are on the floor messy and around them but they don't care. they are in love. is their story written on these papers? is her story and that's why they create her silhouette?

these are just a couple of my favourite frames because THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL SCENES

LOOK AT THEM

AND LOOK AT HER. she feels so loved :(

but now she doesn't feel loved or love towards him.

he knows he's letting her go.

she tries to grab his hand, and he does, but the scene finishes before they can actually hold hands (this frame is beautiful)

they're experimenting on her. opening her body to understand what she's feeling. like she does on this album. he's also part of this experiment. and the black dog!!!

well. this is what she's feeling. "I love you, it's ruining my life".

ETHAN HAWKE?????

she's hurting.

he knows but he doesn't help her right away.

he finally helps her. but maybe it's too late.

i'm sure i'm wrong but maybe here he's trying to deal with his own thing and she is the one who has to pick up the pieces, in the form of rain, like tears. they're up on a hill, there's a storm. it's not an ideal scenario.

she's destroying the evidence. their story.

burning it.

in the end he deals with his own thing, goes back to her and they finally hold hands. but she's still above him. protecting him from the rain.

[pluckysidekick]

I’m back with Part 2 of my playlist of Great American Songbook standards and other classic songs that embody Nace’s journey in Season 4, inspired by @emorfili’s post. Check out Part 1 here. Both posts contain Spotify links, but you can find all of these tracks on Apple Music and YouTube. DM me for a link to the entire playlist. Shall we?

1. Picking up with fan favorite Episode 408, George Benson’s 1976 slammin’ This Masquerade, written by Leon Russell, works on so many levels for this episode: Nancy and Ace having to pretend to be each other in front on Thom, acting as if everything is OK between them, with neither saying what they really feel. “We tried to talk it over but the words got in the way, We're lost inside this lonely game we play.”

2. They Can’t Take That Away from Me is so perfect for the 408 sunset scene when Ace returns Nancy’s necklace, and they seem to come to some kind of peace (for the present). They may not have been able to make it work, but they still have a deep bond that no one can take away. Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong’s duet of the Gershwin classic is the version.

3. Witchcraft - Frank Sinatra’s definitive version works for so much of Nancy Drew, but I picked it for Episode 409 for Nancy and Ace’s twin supernatural storylines, each of them beginning to fall for someone who may not be what they seem, and of course for Bess’s day in court defending the supernatural, and exposing the real history of Horseshoe Bay with witchcraft.

4. Nancy tells Nick in 409 that she wants a relationship that’s simpler than the ‘messy’ state of things with Ace (although note the look on her face as she says it). A Sunday Kind of Love by Etta James describes so well what Nancy thinks she wants in 409 and going into 410. Meanwhile Ace is falling under the spell of his mystery ghost - you could even say he’s Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered (I would). I went with Doris Day’s classic take from 1950.

5. Speaking of 410, I had to give a nod to Tristan Glass with Nat King Cole’s Nature Boy. Poor Tristan really goes through it this season and especially in this episode as he fights for his life when his would-be date shoots him, and from which he recovers only for his parents to kidnap and attempt to sacrifice her. I hope he has a nice life!

6. Episode 411 has Nancy crashing Ace’s Seder and causing a storm inside The Claw when she tries to raise Alice to discover how she died. Harold Arlen’s Stormy Weather sung by Lena Horne really drives home Ace’s stormy emotions, Nancy’s desperation (“Don't know why, there's no sun up in the sky, Stormy weather, Since my man and I ain't together, keeps raining all of the time”) and Alice’s pain that generates the storm.

7. Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea - The tension between Nancy and Ace that spills over from 411 to Episode 412 is all the more shocking because we’re used to them being soft with each other. But once Nancy is hot on the trail of the sin she erased, she’s not going to give up. Harold Arlen’s song, here sung by Tony Bennett in 1964, perfectly depicts that tension as Ace tries to give Nancy the runaround (and of course she isn’t having it): “I don’t want you, But I hate to lose you, You’ve got me in between, The devil and the deep blue sea”.

8. I’ve Got You Under My Skin - The venom that erupts when Ace & Nancy repeatedly confront each other in 412 couldn’t exist without the strong feelings that still run under the surface. Nancy admitting that she hasn’t moved on, and the look Ace gives her - they’ve got each other under their skin. Frank Sinatra’s 1956 gorgeous recording of the Cole Porter tune mirrors the back and forth of the star-crossed lovers throughout the season, but especially as we near the end.

9. “Oh Sinnerman, where you going to run to?” That’s the question this traditional spiritual continues to ask throughout Nina Simone’s 1965 powerhouse of a track. Nancy and Ace are both on the run in 412 — Nancy toward the truth of their sin, and Ace away from it. In Episode 413, they work together with the Crew and Tristan to lift the sin fog that’s infected the town, and discover Nancy’s soul connection to the root of the town’s sin. This legendary recording captures the frenetic energy of Nancy and Ace’s journey toward redemption and forgiveness.

10. The finale quickly moves from chaos to resolution of all of our favorite characters’ futures — and for Nancy and Ace’s relationship. Johnny Hartman’s voice on 1963’s My One and Only Love is simply beautiful, capturing Ace’s emotion as he finally comes back to Nancy, heart in hand. Swoon.

11. It Had to Be You - I had to include this one, recorded by Harry Connick, Jr. for another epic slow burn, friends to lovers romance, 1989’s When Harry Met Sally. Nancy and Ace are the soulmates that chose each other (and their friends), which this song’s lyrics capture so perfectly: “For nobody else gives me a thrill, with all your faults, I love you still, it had to be you, wonderful you, it had to be you.”

12. Cheek to Cheek - We didn't get the 6 minute director's cut of this scene that included a little dance with a dip (grr), but we did get that sense of effervescence once Ace and Nancy have broken the curse. Ella and Louis trading off verses on Irving Berlin's timeless classic is just the mood.

13. Ending on a sentimental note, At Last Nancy and Ace are together, and they and all of the Crew have the next part of their journeys mapped out. This lovely Etta James 1960 track is a perfect ending for this playlist, and for Nancy and Ace, Bess, George, and Nick as they say goodbye to The Claw.

So there you have it, my picks for Nace S4, classic style. Would love to hear what you think! Tell me your favorite pick, what I missed, or what you would have chosen instead. Hope this playlist brings a little joy this festive season - I think it’s the perfect background soundtrack for reading all of the @secretsleuthexchange fics!

[wordstome]

@kneelingshadowsalome thank you for indulging me on the hozier songs xoxo.

Melody-wise, if you liked Take Me To Church and Work Song, you'll like these songs, they're rock with gospel and folk influences. I'm going to list the songs who have lyrics that remind me of our favorite nasty Austrian man, but I really do recommend listening to all of Hozier's discography. Long post ahead!

Angel of Small Death and the Codeine Scene - lol of course I start with this one. This one is mostly about an unhealthy dependency on a woman akin to a drug addiction, but these lines are so König. Also this song just rules.

Feeling more human and hooked on her flesh I lay my heart down with the rest at her feet Fresh from the fields, all fetor and fertile It's bloody and raw, but I swear it is sweet

It Will Come Back - feral man becomes obsessed the moment you show him scraps of affection

You know better babe, you know better babe Than to smile at me, smile at me like that Than to hold me just, hold me just like that Don't let me in with no intention to keep me Jesus Christ, don't be kind to me Honey, don't feed me, I will come back

Cherry Wine - required listening for Hozier fans, such a beautiful song. Again, this one is also about an unhealthy relationship that I don't really associate with König, but these lines do remind me of Fatum Nos Iungebit

Her fight and fury is fiery, oh, but she loves Like sleep to the freezing Sweet and right and merciful, I'm all but washed In the tide of her breathing And it's worth it It's divine The way she shows me I'm hers and she's mine Open hand or closed fist would be fine The blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine

Dinner & Diatribes - drawing comparisons between the act of eating and the act of loving, my beloved

Honey, this club here is stuck up Your friends are a fate that befell me I'd suffer Hell if you'd tell me What you'd do to me tonight

Sunlight -

A soul that's born in cold and rain Knows sunlight, sunlight, sunlight And at last can grant a name To a buried and burning flame As love and its decisive pain Oh, your love is sunlight

De Selby (Part 2) - this song just goes hard asf

What you're given, what you live in Darling, it finds a way to live in you And your heart, love, has such darkness I feel it in the corners of the room

Francesca - this song is really beautiful and longing, it's based on a story about a forbidden love where the couple was put to death. Also, "put me back in it" is most certainly referring to pussy.

My life was a storm since I was born How could I fear any hurricane? If someone asked me at the end I'd tell them, 'Put me back in it' Da-darlin', I would do it again If I could hold you for a minute

Special shoutout to the line "Heaven is not fit to house a love like you and I"

Who We Are - hehe the third chapter of Shrike is titled after this song. Bit of a spoiler, but without context, which is the best kind of spoiler >:)

I just held it tight So someone with your eyes Might come in time To hold me like water Or Christ, hold me like a knife

Butchered Tongue - also reminds me of Fatum Nos Iungebit

So far from home to have a stranger call you 'Darling' And have your guarded heart be lifted like a child up by the hand In some town that just means 'Home' to them With no translator left to sound A butchered tongue still singin' here above the ground

Unknown/Nth - this is a really bittersweet song reminiscing on a relationship that ended because he didn't truly know his partner. Again, I don't really associate the whole song with König, but these lines do remind me of Just Friends

Where a blinding light shone on you every night And either side of my sleep Where you were held frozen like an angel to me

Hozier also sings the last verse of this song so beautifully, it's like he captured the sensation of being at a concert and having the artist's voice so powerful in your ear. Required listening tbh

There are so, so many more songs I would recommend listening to, but these are the König highlights :3 Enjoy

[cloveroctobers]

TOMMY MILLER — spring prompts 🦋

A/N: originally this was supposed to be for Joel — and I jumped on the Pedro train a little late my apologies but I can’t lie and say I’m not a bigger whore/softie for Tommy / Gabriel (this goes for the game version too!) so :) here goes nothing and if we flop, this never existed lmao! Only trying my best to write fluff for the upcoming spring season so let’s cheers to that! Happy first day of spring people!

WARNINGS: age adjustments for this piece + age-gap. Mostly following the live action ages according to their wiki except for Ellie! I aged her up some as this takes place before the events of part ii 😥 Joel is still 56, Tommy is 50, Ellie is 17, and “she” is 35…and would be a year older than Sarah. I know some might find that weird and usually I don’t write storylines around a age-gap but here we are! Tommy and “she” met during the time of the virus. So don’t drag me too much if you’re on the offense, thanks.

GIF SEARCH DONE BY GOOGLE & RIGHTFULLY BELONGS TO: @loregifs

Using prompts from this list and numbers: 2.) listening to the birds when they wake up + 6.) new beginnings + 12.) rolling down the window of the car. + 28.) adopting puppy/kitten.

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He’s still asleep while she’s on the balcony, hunched over the banister watching the town gradually come to life to start their daily routines. Being part of the main committee had its benefits, meaning one would start the day whenever they wished, which allowed her more time to just enjoy the little moments.

The air is touching spring, allowing livelihood to begin sprouting again. She breathes in the brisk air, pacing herself as the air still clings to the biting of its bitter sister while whipping by, reminding her that her asthma would not be leaving for the season just yet. The tree to the right of the house has lost one of its branches, which now lays on the roof of the house, due to the last winter storm which pushed its way through Wyoming with a foot of snow two weeks ago.

She’s not going to ask Tommy again to remove it, she’ll take it upon herself to get it down with some others later. She’s aware that he’s got a lot on his plate with Joel and Ellie back in town…along with this weighing secret Joel’s keeping from Ellie.

A sigh escapes her lips, eyes closing as she feels the brightness of the sun starting to rise behind the foggy skies. She knows if she keeps them closed a little longer, she’ll receive a morning song with the sunrise. The sun is a nice contrast against the cool but dry air in Jackson but it always brings a sense of peace.

The chirping is just enough for a small smile to split onto the corners of her lips and she listens, enjoying the sweet song the birds sing. She was never much of a bird person due to her grandmother having all sorts back in her hometown in Connecticut. She was raised mostly by her grandmother in a town that lacked diversity, since her parents prioritized work rather than spend time with her and her little brother. Sure she understood this now in her adulthood that her parents faced many challenges in their work field but as a child, of course you just wanted your parents around.

To care.

And whenever they were around, she gave them hell about it until her younger brother quickly became upset. He was on the spectrum and sensitive but just wanted everyone to get along. He loved talking about clouds and had dreams of venturing off to Iceland one day. She was thankful he got to experience it before the world officially went to shit.

Now here she stood listening to birds sing, despite being pecked, chased, and shit on by birds for what felt like her whole life and the sun was shining beneath the gray. Perhaps that was symbolism for new journeys along the way—if she bothered to look deeper at this but now was not the time for overthinking.

She did that enough on a daily basis.

“Hey, you didn’t wake me for the sunrise?” A Texas drawl called out from behind.

She turns slightly, facing the screen door to see Tommy with his head poking out beneath the door, dark hair frizzy, and slits in his eyes. He’s not much of a morning person out of the two of them and will usually need five to twenty minutes more before getting up.

He needed the sleep.

She steps to him then, wrapped in her blanket and getting a better view of the freckles that always appear sprinkled on his face whenever the light hits his skin.

“It’s okay,” she softly says, “there’s always tomorrow.”

He hums as his brown eyes peeks over her head and sniffs at the air, “c’mon in, baby. Who knows how long you’ve been out here and I don’t want anything to start acting up on you and I’m not nearby.”

“I’m fine,” she argues, making a show as she deeply inhales and puffs out a breath as she exhales, fighting back a cough, “airs not too bad.”

Tommy gives her a look, alerting her that he doesn’t believe any of the words she’s saying to him. He knows she can get lost in nature for hours, making him think it reminds her of her old home.

He suggests, “Let’s go for a morning drive for a bit before we really start the day, huh?”

“I’d like that.” She smiles at the man who mirrors it back, “we haven’t done that in awhile.”

The pair lived in the most active part of Jackson, right in the heart of the western town where most of the houses were almost on top of each other. There wasn’t much that got pass this part of Jackson and it only made sense since she and Tommy helped keep this town running. Surely she preferred the more secluded parts, which is what she was grew up with but to be married to someone so extroverted changed that.

“Yeah, we sure haven’t. Let me get dressed.” Tommy says with a nudge of his head, inviting her back into their home.

She nods at him, glancing over her shoulder in the doorway as he exits, sending another smile to the birds before closing the door.

Tommy’s driving in the pale yellow Camaro he picked up from his last scouting trip, it’s his new toy that she teases him about since he’s kicked her Chevy SUV to the curb. She’s laying with her arm resting against the door, cheek pressed into her balled up arm, with her black faux fur blanket still wrapped around her and Tommy’s got one hand resting on her thigh.

He’s shuffling between keeping his hands on the steering wheel, steering with his knees and twisting his arm all kinds of ways to get a cassette into the radio slot. The dirt road is empty and full of green hills along with loops that remind her of the path that leads to Ellie and Dina’s home. This part of Jackson feels familiar and like what she’s used to but she knows she doesn’t have to feel alone.

A soft beat begins to play through the car just as she’s rolling down the window. Tommy lightly shakes his head at his wife, who welcomes some of the air through the crack and receives that there seems to be something on her mind. Lately it seems like he’s been so busy with not only the community but rebuilding his relationship with Joel and his additional niece Ellie—although they’ve been back for about two years now, it did not go unnoticed that there’s been something on his wife’s mind.

Surely he was going to get to the bottom of it on this drive.

“What do you know about this?” Tommy quizzed, taking his hand off her thigh briefly to twist the volume knob, before placing his warmth back on her sweats.

She snorts as she listens to the lyrics of the 80s jam, a little shocked it wasn’t Pixies or some rock song this time. However she believed Tommy always picked songs that fit the mood.

…In time you will see

That love won't let you down

You said that you loved me

Said hurt only came to pass me

It sounded so convincing

That I gave it half a chance

And learned the ways of love, my baby

There is so much love inside me

And all that I have

I give my all to you

All, all my love, baby.

She joked, “Did this one play at your prom, old man?”

Tommy scoffed, “i was nine when this came out in 1982 so nice try but even then, I knew good music when I daggone hear it.”

There was a fifteen year age gap between her and Tommy but that’s never been a issue given the circumstances of life now and probably wouldn’t be much of a issue if things were different. However she couldn’t be certain if the infection didn’t cross the globe if their paths would even align. She had southern roots thanks to her maternal and paternal grandparents yet she’s only ever visited Georgia to see her paternal grandparents, cousins, and friends she’s made out there.

Georgia was a long way from Texas.

“Look at you listening to love songs at just a little baby…I’m starting to not believe the whole never been in love until I met you line.” She sat up then, head resting against the headrest while playfully peeking at Tommy, ready to get him riled up.

Tommy shook his head, “I told you before, pre-Tommy was a whole ‘nother person, all about fun moments and keeping those memories strictly as that…temporary. I didn’t like to be attached although I knew I was very capable of loving someone.”

His past relationships did not matter to her. It never did because a new life was happening now, with her and their relationship most likely wouldn’t exist because they lived on different sides of the map. She trusted him to be a good partner and she equally wanted to be the same. The love or lust before was not a factor on both ends because Jackson was about redemption and growing forward.

If they couldn’t see that with each other then there was no need to continue on with this commitment. However she liked sparking this compassion from Tommy just for a sense of not only laughs but perhaps a bit of reassurance?

“I love you.” She slipped a hand around the back of his neck, lightly caressing the warm skin beneath his jacket.

Tommy glanced over at her then, pure light in his dark eyes as a smile quirked up beneath his facial hair, “I love you too…with all of this love.”

“Oh gosh, the corny is killing me. Make it stop!” She gagged at Tommy’s singing while he laughed at her, putting the car in park.

It was his turn to face her, gripping her jaw to place a kiss on her temple. Soon she unbuckled herself from the seat so she could sit in Tommy’s lap who welcomed her with open arms. Together they sat, his arms locked around her waist and her head tucked in between his neck and shoulder.

To be held by the one you love, what more could she ask for?

She could fall back to sleep in the comfort of Tommy’s arms just then. The prickle of his beard against her brow bone, the firmness of his hands secured around her frame, his steady breathing, her light grip from underneath his bicep, and his scent of white musk and eucalyptus was enough for her this morning.

Sometimes people just need to be held by the right person.

Tommy was ready for her to fall asleep. It’s not like it was uncommon for her to rest against him and as much as she claimed he needed rest, he wanted her to take care of herself just like she took care of him. The flutter of her eyelashes fought against the closing of her lids that it made Tommy grin, silently encouraging her to just let go but one thing about his baby, she was a fighter which provided a nice contrast against her dainty appearance.

Her glossy grayish-brown eyes popped back open, eyes gazing out at the scenery while Tommy quickly shifted his eyes elsewhere so he wouldn’t get called out for staring. He followed her line of sight and immediately wanted to reach for what was in the backseat.

“What’s that?” She asked, sitting up as she put more strain on one eye than the other.

It was confirmed by one of the new nurses that she was losing her sight in one eye quite quickly. It was mostly caused by a injury with a clicker that sent her through a glass window face-first but blindness was also hereditary on her mother’s side. Who truly knows what life continues to throw at you? In whatever way, it was not something she dwelled on.

Tommy nodded as he pulled his shotgun up and over the console, “uh huh, I see it.”

She was out the door before he could get the safety off and that sent his heart rate spiking.

Her feet stomped over the rising grass, ignoring Tommy’s hushed calls as she slowly approached the animal. It had height to it, straggly mixture of grey and black hair with a heavy bone structure.

“Honey, I don’t know what’re you’re thinkin’ but you can’t just run up on dogs like that! We don’t even know if it’s infected.” Tommy stated as he took stealthy steps behind the braided woman.

She slipped a hand into her pocket, holding the  thermometer up in the air to silently answer the man’s question who couldn’t help but to deeply scowl.

Squatting down she kept some distance between her and the dog who put it’s head down, sniffing in her direction. Her hand slipped into another pocket, reaching for something green before she lightly tossed it in the dog’s direction. Carefully the dog stepped forward to bite into the green bean, allowing her to slowly get closer to aim the thermometer and get a temperature reading.

“He’s clear.”

Tommy still circled around, gun slightly lowered but not completely as he watched her smile at the dog.

“It’s still a ugly lookin’ thing.”

She scolded Tommy, “don’t talk about him like that! He actually might think you’re the ugly one here.”

‘That’s not possible.’ Tommy thought to himself.

Rubbing his back, she cooed at the animal, “he didn’t mean it boy, he’s just being mean because I didn’t signal that I was coming to introduce myself to you.”

Tommy couldn’t help but to shake his head in disapproval, taking a moment to survey the area to make sure the unattractive animal didn’t lead any unwanted attention. When he turned back, she was still petting him, this time the dog was licking at her hands and seemed to be enjoying his pets as he sat.

“…this isn’t your first time meeting?” Tommy guessed.

She sighed, “no. Joel’s grumpy ass scared him off last time with the horses when we patrolled. You have no idea how bad I wanted to kick his ass…at least you’re being better about this…besides the whole verbal bullying you just afflicted on him.”

“I wasn’t bullyin’,” Tommy started, “I just wanted you to be careful.”

“Yeah and you took it out on someone who didn’t deserve it.”

Tommy sighed, “I—I never took you as a dog person anyway. I would have thought cats.”

“Are you gonna get me a cat for my birthday?”

“Probably not, honey. They’re kinda creepy.”

‘Creepier than people turning into walking funguses? I think the fuck not!’ She thought.

“Then we’re taking him home!” She beamed as she rubbed behind his ears, “hear that?! We’re gonna get you home, bathe you, feed you, and you’ll fit in with the rest back at home, I’m sure of it. And if you don’t, you’ll stay with us.”

“The hell he will.”

The sharp look she sent the curly haired man was enough to get him to clear his throat and almost straighten up. It’s not like Tommy didn’t care for dogs, hell, he was thinking of getting one before Sarah came into the picture—not that he was comparing his niece to a got damn dog! Fuck, he knew she was probably sending him a mean mug from up above right now. It’s just that the loneliness he faced at his own townhome in Austin was erased when life granted him with a niece.

Sarah was his just as she was his brother’s.

Now his wife wanted to bring a dog (as if they didn’t have enough in the community) into their life and it seemed like she already had a connection with it, that Joel didn’t tell him about at all! He could also argue that his own wife didn’t tell him she was forming a bond elsewhere.

The laughter that sounded from her as she got to her feet, facing him with a smile that reached her shining eyes made his heart swell.

Happiness was all he wanted her to have. He was happy if she was happy and he felt himself breaking.

“What if it’s got fleas?”

“Hello…veterinarian school?”

Which was true, she knew what to do and since the community was well-off to take care of everyone and everything, She had what she needed if any of the animals got sick.

“Right…Dr. Dolittle here.”

“Was that a jab, Tommy?” She pointed at the man who immediately shook his head in defense.

“Not really.” He shrugged his shoulders innocently before continuing, “I’m not afraid to say I was in the theaters when that one came out for Sarah…although I love a good comedy family film.”

That’s funny, that’s when she knew she wanted to work with animals after seeing that film. Unfortunately she couldn’t hear the actual voices of the animals she worked with but she still knew how to communicate with them. She can only imagine tommy taking the time to spend with his niece and that brought a smile to her lips.

“So you’ll love him?”

“…I can try?”

She patted the dog’s back, “see it only took some convincing. We just have to find you a name and it’ll have to flow nicely with your sibling.”

A frown dug in between Tommy’s brows at the end of her sentence. It slipped so easily from her lips that Tommy was unsure if he heard her right. She was getting ready to turn and head back to the car with the dog in at her side but Tommy steps towards them.

“What was that?”

“Hm?” She took her attention away from the dog who began wagging it’s tail.

“That last part of the sentence. About the dog having the same sound as it’s..sibling? Meaning what? the other dogs?” Tommy pried.

She tapped on her chin then, pretending to think about it, “I’m thinking Silas for him and Milo, Tyrus, or Linus for this one.”

Tommy watched with wide eyes as a hand rested against her clothed belly.

“A-Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“Maybe…what’re you thinking?”

“You’re pregnant, honey?”

“Uh huh. You’ve got two extra babies now.”

Tommy wanted to curl into a ball of happiness hearing this news. He never thought he would be a dad way back then and he certainly didn’t think now…especially with the way things were and she hasn’t had much of a cycle in years. Of course there were discussions of what ifs but it’s not like they were deliberately trying.

His put the safety on and slung the gun around to his back. He exhaled, his hands raised in air before gripping at his hair in astonishment.

“We’re gonna be somebody’s mommy and daddy?”

“Damn straight.”

“Hell yeah we are!” Tommy grinned as he reached forward to lift her up by the waist, gently spinning her in the air before he quickly put her back on her feet, “shit, are you having any nausea? did I just cause it?”

“No love, we’re okay. Just fatigue sometimes. I’m about thirteen weeks according to Rosita’s ultrasound.” She breathed with a smile, flicking her hair back.

“Thirteen weeks?! Holy shit! He’s gonna be here in no time…wait Linus? There’s no way we’re naming our kid Linus—that’s out.”

“Okay let’s talk about it,” she laughed, “walk with me.”

“It’s clear we have a lot to talk about!” Tommy slipped an arm around her waist, peeking down at her baggy clothing as they made their way back to the car.

He halted as she started to give him the details and glanced back at the dog who had its head down but stayed put. He whistled at the animal with a nudge of head, “c’mon, dog! You’re comin’ with us.”

“Silas.” She whispered up at Tommy.

Tommy corrected himself, “Silas! Let’s go home.”

Silas perked up and trotted after the couple, hopping into the backseat as Tommy intently focused on her, their hands clasped together as he held them to his lips, ready for their new beginning.

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Continue along with my spring anthology prompts here.