#theres other details i missed but oh well

[ursas-arts]

Another one for the collection

[rafeandonlyrafe]

the game part two

read part one here!

words: 3.2k

warnings: 18+ only!, drug dealing, smut, dubcon at first, f receiving oral and handjob, p in v sex, unprotected sex, mentions of anal, cheating

taglist: @drewstarkeysbae @thelomlisrafecameron @f4ll-for-you @dilvcv @slut4drudy @drewsbabygirll @jjmaybankswifes-blog @rafescokenostril @jjsmarijuana @jjmaybankisbae @seeingstarks @angelofcigs

it’s been six months, and you’ve mostly forgotten about your encounter with rafe cameron. you stole his drugs and his money, then hid out. you knew your brother would keep you safe until things died down, giving you ample money for your score, but not wanting to hear the details of how you got into the cameron household.

you rarely think of rafe, except when your pathetic boyfriend comes over to fuck you. he’s sweet, a nice boy, and you like him, but his cock, while average in size, is nothing like rafes, and you find yourself missing his length, craving the feeling of him stretching you out again, even if it was just that one time.

“i think i’m gonna head out on the boat today.” you hum to your brother, looking out the large modern windows of his mansion at the shining sun, making the ocean glitter as it reflects the light.

“mmm, fine. take security with you.” he says, barely looking up from whatever document he’s working on.

“oh come on, i’ll be fine by myself.” you roll your eyes. your brother became even more protective of you after what you did to rafe. he even encouraged you to stay with your boyfriend, who he originally didn’t like. you know that means only one thing, and your boyfriend is now in his pocket as well, probably tasked with your safety.

“baby sis, you stole from rafe cameron. he hasn’t forgotten that shit.” “and he won’t be looking for me out in the fucking ocean.” you roll your eyes, stomping away to put on your bikini as your brother yells, “i don’t care, security is going with you either way!”

you get yourself ready anyways, knowing you need some time away from everyone, including whoever of your brothers henchmen have the unfortunate task of taking you on the boat. you walk out to the dock alone, but one of the men is already out on the pier, standing waiting for you.

“hello.” you mumble, climbing onto the boat and getting it ready, untying it from the dock and turning on the engine, keeping it idling as you make sure you got your necessities, snacks, water bottles, and a towel in case you decide to take a dip.

“oh shit, i forgot a life vest, can you grab one of the other boat?” you ask the man, you think his name is james. or maybe henry. you can’t bother to remember.

“sure.” he climbs off the boat and the second both of his feet are on the wooden pier, you shoot into the drivers seat, gunning the speed and taking off away from the shore before he can stop you.

you don’t bother turning around as he shouts for you to come back. you feel a little guilty about whatever punishment your brother is going to give him, but it’s not like any of the dudes hanging around are good guys, after all they all work for a drug dealer.

you navigate the backwaters seamlessly, having grown up on the water. you head further towards the ocean, away from the grassy islands, letting all of your worries and troubles go as you keep the boat moving at max speed, letting the wind whip through your hair.

you curse when the boat suddenly slows down. you hadn’t even thought to check the gas before taking off, you know your brother usually keeps everything filled. you angle yourself towards a small island, letting the nose of the boat push into the sand, but its better than being stuck free floating.

“fuck, fuck, fuck.” you groan, rubbing your hands over your face, checking all of the storage departments for extra gas, but of course theres none.

“just my luck.” you mumble to yourself, throwing yourself down on the seat. you can call your brother and have him, or more likely one of his goons, come and rescue you, but you still want some more alone time, so you shuck your coverup off and lay back, figuring you might get the best use of your time stuck by soaking up some rays.

you lay there for half an hour before you hear a boat engine. you’re in a pretty secluded area so it’s quite the surprise. you stand at the back of the boat and wave your arms, hoping whoever it is has some extra gas they can lend you.

the boat is blacked out, windows tinted dark so you can’t see what the driver looks like as the pull up to the sandbar jutting out of the water, also lodging the nose of their boat to hold them steady.

“hey! i ran out of gas.” you shout as the door opens.

“oh, sweetheart.” the voice has your body freezing up as rafe cameron steps into the light.

“ra-rafe.” you take a step back, legs bumping into the side of your boat. you have nowhere to go as he leaps from his boat to yours. “please don’t hurt me.” 

“hurt you?” rafe questions, shaking his head as he steps closer. “hurt you like you hurt me? you used me.” rafe sounds almost hurt before the angry mask takes over his face again.

“i was forced to! my brother made me!” you explain, even though its a lie. it was completely your idea, but theres no way for rafe to know that.

“and you still went along with it. you could have told me, when you were in my house. i could have helped you. but instead, you let me fuck you. you let me inside your pussy. just to steal from me.”

rafe is now hovering directly over you, and you know from his smirk that he’s noticed your shaking body, and the way that you are staring up at him in fear.

“is that how much of a slut you are? you enjoy being whored out by your drug dealing brother?” rafe takes your chin in his hand, not being gentle at all as he tilts your head up to keep eye contact. “you certainly enjoyed bouncing on my dick.” “fuck you.” you try to pull your chin away, but rafe moves faster, shoving you down onto the sofa, the plastic material hot from baking in the sun.

“i won’t hurt you princess, no.” rafe hums, stopping you from squirming around my pressing his weight down even more. “in fact, since you love being a slut so much, i’m gonna fuck you.”

“rafe, please, no.” you whine as his hands grip your chest, ripping away the thin material of the bikini that was barely covering your tits to begin with. rafe ignores your pleas, dropping his head to suck one of your nipples into his mouth while his fingers pinch the other one.

“oh fuck.” you moan, legs widening and allowing rafes body to slot between. you press your hips up, seeking his body as you grind against him, upset that your body is betraying you as your pussy wettens the more rafe sucks and nips at your chest.

“see, this is exactly what i mean.” rafe laughs against your skin, biting the side of your breast and leaving teeth marks. “you were just saying no and now you’re grinding against me. such a little whore.” “please, i have a boyfriend.” you whimper as rafe sucks deep purple marks into your chest and neck, not caring that he’s leaving hickeys behind for anyone to see. he wants to claim you, mark you.

“does he fuck you good?” rafe asks, tugging at the strings of your bikini bottoms, pulling them off of you to reveal your messy cunt. “is his cock as good as mine? what about his mouth?” rafe questions, dropping to his knees to the teak flooring, not needing to hold you down anymore, he knows you’re not going anywhere.

rafe buries his head in between your thighs, moaning when he gets a taste of you, what he missed so much since that one night all those months ago. his tongue laps over every inch of you except for your clit.

“can’t have you feel too good, baby.” rafe laughs, biting your thigh. “not when you stole from me.” “i’m sorry.” you whine, feeling tears pool in your eyes as you reach down and tug on rafes hair, pressing his face back into your cunt.

rafe eats you out greedily, tongue traversing over every inch of you that he can, moving between wide sweeping licks and fast rapid flicks of his tongue, still keeping away from your clit.

“oh my god!” you shout when his tongue prods against your hole, lifting your hips up off the seat, unable to keep yourself still as you place one hand on the back of his head, moving your hips and rubbing your pussy against his awaiting mouth.

“such a slut.” rafe laughs, his words vibrating through you as he finally finally moves up to your clit, sucking harshly at your bud, not caring that you’re screaming from the pleasure.

rafe closes his eyes, focus solely on your cunt as he brings two fingers to your entrance, plunging them into your hole as he attacks your clit, taking it between his teeth and tugging on the sensitive skin, making the tears now roll down your face.

“please, please let me cum!” you scream for rafe, your entire body shaking as your orgasm builds, his fingers starting to thrust in and out of you as he doesn’t let off of your clit, sucking it between his lips as your orgasm hits you.

you cry out rafes name, body going taunt as you squeeze your eyes shut, the pleasure overwhelming your senses as rafe slows his licks on your clit, moving down to lap around his fingers that are still shoved deep in your cunt.

“taste yourself.” rafe commands, moving so you can kiss him. you don’t hold back, taking rafes face in your hands as you kiss him, jutting your tongue up to lick the juices away from his mouth.

“my little slut.” rafe deepens the kiss, starting to thrust his fingers again.

“ra-rafe stop.” you try halfheartedly to push his hand away, “too sensitive.” “you think i give a shit?” rafe laughs, eyes roaming your chest, taking in the bruises dotting your tanned skin. “you stole from me, bitch.” “i’m sorry.” you cry out, knowing tears are rolling down your cheeks, but you can’t stop them, the pleasure is too overwhelming.

“show me how sorry you are by cumming on my fingers.” rafe says, increasing the speed that he’s moving. you moan despite your best judgment.

rafe is somehow able to stuff a third finger inside of your cunt, stretching you to almost painful levels. you thrash on the sofa, the harsh sun beating down on you. you almost forgot that you were on a boat in broad daylight, so wrapped up in rafe pleasuring you.

rafes lips slot around your nipple again, sucking it repeatedly as you arch your back to push your chest further into his mouth, feeling overwhelmed by the attention he’s giving you, so purely focused on your body.

“i thought about you.” you tell rafe, making him pick his head up to look you in the eye, but his fingers don’t slow. “i thought about you when he fucks me. i wished it was you.”

rafe smirks, twisting his hand so his thumb can rub at your clit while he finger fucks you. “i knew you’d miss my cock once you had it. you could have stayed and been my little slut, my personal fuck toy, but instead you had to steal my coke. do you know how much money you lost me?” “i said i was sorry.” you sob out.

“cum then.” rafe commands, and your orgasm builds rapidly, too quickly, and before you realize what’s happening, wetness is squirting from your cunt, soaking rafes hand and splashing onto the teak floorboards.

“holy fuck.” rafe groans, gripping his cock with his free hand, squeezing through his shorts to give himself some relief.

“st-stop.” you say weakly, and rafe finally listens and pulls his fingers out, pushing your legs wider to admire how pink your abused pussy now is, completely dripping in your juices.

“has he ever made you squirt?” “no, never.” you shake your head. 

“it’s a shame.” rafe tsks. “i could have made you feel so good every day.” rafe stands up, glancing around the surrounding waterways, making sure there are still no boats around before unbuttoning his shirt, revealing the muscles hidden beneath.

you are boneless on the couch, body completely relaxed and near numb from the orgasms rafe just pulled from you, but despite that you still feel your cunt pulse when rafe throws his shirt onto the ground, quickly unbuttoning his shorts as well and tugging them down along with his underwear, revealing the hard cock that you’ve missed so much.

“tell me you want this.” rafe commands, stroking his cock while keeping his eyes on you.

“i don’t.” you whimper, but your thighs clench together, watching the precum bead at the tip of rafes cock.

“you don’t want me to fuck you?” rafe asks. “but you’re such a slut, baby.” he coos mockingly. 

“please, i have a boyf-”

“don’t mention him again.” rafe cuts you off. “unless you’d like for me to ruin your other hole as well that way no matter how he fucks you you’ll be thinking of me.” you whimper at the thought of rafe abusing your ass and keep your mouth shut.

“turn over.” rafe grabs your hip, forcing you to move on the couch. you place your knees on the cushion, letting rafe bend you over the back of the couch, your head hovering over the water below.

“gonna fuck you so good you’re gonna be begging to come back home with me.” rafe says, hands slapping against your ass, making you yelp.

“such a pretty pussy, fuck.” rafe groans, throwing his head back as he pushes the tip of his cock against your entrance, not pushing in yet, wanting to prolong his teasing.

“please.” you beg, trying to push back onto his cock, but rafe grabs your hips and keeps you still.

“are you asking me to stop?” rafe questions. “or are you asking me to fuck you?”

“i don’t know.” you sob, gripping onto the plastic cushion the best that you can.

rafe hums, “that’s too bad.” and then thrusts forward, burying his cock completely in your cunt in one firm push.

“rafe!” you scream out, pussy clenching down, your walls being stretched by his length.

“no wonder i fell for your act, this is the best pussy i’ve ever felt.” rafe grunts out, snapping his forward, the skin of his thighs slapping against your bum.

“faster.” you moan, but rafe does the opposite and slows instead, keeping his thrusts deep but moving steady and deliberately, letting you feel everything as he takes in the squeeze of your cunt, the tightness of your pussy.

rafe grinds his hips against you, his cock making space for itself, pushing against your sweet spot that has you crying out, past the point of embarrassment about your noises.

“so good.” you moan, knowing that you’re drooling onto the couch.

“i know, baby.” rafe moans as well, pushing his cock in and out of your sloppy cunt, dripping with wetness and coating him.

“can tell how much you’re liking it.” rafe moves faster, hands tightening on your hips, certain to leave marks behind. “can feel you squeezing around me.”

you bury your head in the couch, relieved by the cool press against your forehead, pushing back against rafe, rocking your body backwards to the best of your abilities, your knees sweaty and sticking to the couch.

“need your cock.” you swallow the lump in your throat. “need it every day, please rafe, forgive me, i need you, i don’t care.” 

“don’t care about your boyfriend? or your brother?” rafe questions.

“no.” you whine, “just care about your cock.” 

rafe fucks you harder, somehow able to find more depth and space. “well, i guess you should have thought about that before stealing from me, slut. i’ll soak my cock in your cunt this once, but you won’t get it again.” “no, rafe, i need it!”

rafe bends over your back to whisper in your ear, “then you work for me now until you pay back what you lost me. you can steal coke from your brother to repay me and then suck my cock. once you’ve paid off your debts, i’ll start fucking you.”

“i’ll do anything.” you don’t even think about what he’s asking, you don’t care, you’d promise anything to keep getting fucked like this.

“i know, baby.” rafe hums, angling his hips so every time his cock presses in, it hits the most sensitive part inside of you.

rafe reaches one hand down, around your hip, to rub over your clit, placing two fingertips on top moving quickly, trying to get you to cum because he can’t last much longer.

“gonna cum inside of you.” rafe warns, and you whine, clit pulsing under his movements.

“fill me up.” you tell rafe, aching for his cum warming your insides. 

rafe moans out your name repeatedly, pushing his cock as deep inside of you as it can go, letting his cum fill you up. at feeling his release, your orgasm pushes through your body, seeing stars as you squeeze your eyes shut, cunt fluttering around rafes cock, milking everything out of him that you can.

rafe slumps forward, his cock slipping out of you as you both collapse onto the couch, breathing heavily.

rafe grabs your waist and flips your position so you’re laying on top of him. you rest your head against his chest, letting out a low moan in appreciation as rafe strokes his hand over your hair.

“you mean what you said?” rafe asks, his hand not halting as it glides over the strands of your hair and then down your back.

“yes.” you whisper. you’ve felt far too cooped up these last six months. it’s not like you want to be a drug dealer, so hopefully once you settle your score with rafe and pay him back for what you stole, you’ll be able to absolve yourself from everything.

“then you’re coming home with me.” rafe says, helping you sit up.

“i-i can’t rafe.” you sigh, pushing your hair out of your face. “i need to get back to my brother, i’m not even supposed to be out without security.”

“mmm, you’ll have to figure it out.” rafe shrugs. “you’re coming home with me to start sucking my cock like you promised.”

“okay.” you whisper, not having any energy to argue with rafe, looking down at your destroyed body, covered in bruises and soaked in sweat, cum dripping out of your pussy.

“hey.” rafe says, placing his fingers under your chin and forcing you to look at him. he presses a kiss against your lips, so unlike your other kisses, not devoid of passion but far sweeter, almost like he’s trying to comfort you despite what he just did to you, what he just made you agree to.

“come on.” rafe sighs, standing up. “put your bikini back on, we’re taking my boat.” “okay.” you stand, figuring it’s best now to just follow rafes instructions, not worrying about any consequences as you put your bikini back on, letting rafe help you off of your brothers boat and onto his own. 

you take a seat at the back while rafe goes to the helm, watching the abandoned boat as you drive away, wondering what the hell you just got yourself into.

[meazalykov]

avoidance

lena oberdorf (romantic) x lea schūller (platonic) x reader

warnings: angst (but there's a hopeful ending)

the crisp air of the training center fills your lungs as you take in the familiar sight of the pitch for the first time since june. its now august and since you’ve won silver in the olympics last month for your country, you’re feeling confident about coming back onto the pitch.

you've been a striker for bayern munich since 2022, and with ewa’s recent departure from wolfsburg to barcelona, you're now recognized as the best forward in the Bundesliga. your teammates look up to you and respect you as much as you love and respect them .

today is different, though. you’ve been through the new season routine once so far, so this is the second. there are new faces joining the team, and this is where you’re the most tense. you love to welcome new players onto the team, but your social anxiety makes you overthink every little detail.

one person who's joining bayern stands out in particular: lena oberdorf, the talented midfielder whos coming from wolfsburg. you know lena well from her reputation on the field, and the amount of times she nearly broke your ankles on the field— which lead to you yelling at her angrily— but she’s also well-acquainted with most of your teammates from the german national team.  so, you hope that you guys can start off on a nice path.

you walk out from the dressing room onto the grassy pitch to see most of your teammates gathered around lena, whos dressed in the red training kits— odd. you’re used to seeing the taller girl in green. however, you push that thought to the back of your mind as you approach lena and the rest of the group, offering a warm smile as the group acknowledges your presence. 

“sorry i’m late, what's going onnnn?” you speak up. at first, you look over to one of your closest friend at bayern, lea. you cross your arms in a natural stance as some of the other girls are relieved at seeing you, wondering if you’d be late. 

“oh nothing much. we have some fresh meat on the team though–” lea says as she lightly punches lena on the shoulders, the ex-wolfsburg player punches her back. this caused a giggle to come out of you awkwardly, as you didn’t introduce yourself to her yet. 

“hey! i’m y/n” you smile as you reach your arms out to hug lena. she smirks at you as you both share an embrace. you felt warm in her arms and she smelled good, like a nice scent of coconut. 

“oh i know you– i’m lena.” she says before pulling away from the hug, which you do the same. all of the other girls have their eyebrows knitted with curious looks as they’re noticing your interactions. 

“welcome to bayern– i’m sorry for the amount of times i’ve started fights with you on the pitch.” you cross your arms again. lena and you laughed at the old memories. 

in one particular game last season— you went to shoot the ball into the goal before you felt a cleat smack into your left ankle. the same left ankle you’ve sprained during international break months before the incident. you fell to the ground in anger, not because of the missed goal but your fear towards a possible ankle injury. after figuring out– from the absence of pain–  that you were okay, you stood up and confronted lena in her face. 

the ref already gave her a yellow card for side tackling your body— but you felt as if you needed to get words in yourself. your teammates pulled you back– with sydney reminding you that everything is alright– but you were still angry. sometimes lena had provoked you in other games against wolfsburg, which made it worse. 

that's why your bayern teammates look at you guys in shock, noticing that there is an instant connection between the two of you. none of them expected this. some expected the air to be filled with awkwardness as you arrived, standing just 2 feet beside lena. 

“its all good– theres no worries.” lena says, even though she is aware that she started some of the fights between you guys too. 

over time, the simple interactions turned into something more. 

during training, lena’s looks towards you lingered for longer than it had to. she’s found you attractive since the first time you guys clashed together, sometimes provoking you so you’d give her more (individual) attention, but now you are both on the same team. 

during the first game against juventus, you scored from outside the box which excited the crowd and your teammates. after running towards the corner with your arms out wide– in your typical celebration— you turned around and noticed that lena is the first one on your arms. you hugged her tightly and put your head on her shoulders as the other girls circled around to congratulate you. 

after the game, you asked lena if she wanted to grab coffee the morning after. at first, you thought about inviting her to your apartment to watch a movie– which is what you always do to wind down after a game and taking a long shower after– but you figured that taking her to your apartment might imply something different. so, you went with something easier.

the coffee dat- hang out lasted for about four hours. lena and you talking to each other felt natural, and easy. lena's presence becomes a comforting part of your routine overtime, and soon, she's more than just the wolfsburg player you had tension with– now she's a teammate; and a friend.

one evening, after a recovery session, you both decide to grab dinner at a nearby café in munich. you introduced lena to this cafe, which is funny because she's the german one and not you. the conversation flows effortlessly, as per usual.

"you know, i was nervous about joining bayern due to the amount of hate i received," lena admits, taking a sip of her drink. "but you guys made the process so easy."

"i’m glad that you’re here lena," you reply, sincerity in your voice. 

however, the bond between lena and you doesn’t go unnoticed with the team. georgia and sydney, pull you aside one december afternoon in the locker room. they had enough with you ditching their weekly plans to go spend time with lena instead. 

their expressions are serious, tinged with concern. this scared you at first because you’ve never seen them in this way. 

"y/n, listen," georgia starts, her eyes searching yours as you looked at her with nervousness. "you’re ditching us for lena because we think you have feelings for her."

the words hit you. internally, you start to panic. it's true, of course. you've known for a while now, but admitting it to others, and even to yourself, has been a struggle. your last relationship was an abusive nightmare. this causes you to shut yourself out and build walls around your heart. 

vulnerability is a luxury you can't afford, not after everything you've been through.

"ha-ha.. you're imagining things," you deflect, trying to sound casual. "lena and I are just friends."

sydney crosses her arms, giving you a knowing look as her eyes widened. "don’t lie! we see the way you look at her. it's okay to have feelings, you know."

you swallow hard, your mind racing. "i don’t–ugh– i just can’t, guys. I just... I can't go through that again." you stutter, not knowing what to say exactly. you hoped that nobody would confront you on this.

"you can't let what happened with that ex of yours control you," georgia says softly, placing a hand on your shoulder. "lena's different. she would never do that to you– i’d kill her if she did– we all know that you’d treat each other so good."

after that conversation in the dressing room– you start to distance yourself from lena–withdrawing into the mental shell you've built for self-preservation. 

at first, lena seems confused, her attempts to reach out to you becoming more frequent and insistent. at first, she thought you were sick. until she noticed that you’d go hang out with other players on the team– like sydney, georgia, ana, and giulia.

"y/n, what's going on?" lena asks you one day at practice, her voice a mixture of concern and frustration. it was the last training before the quarterfinals of the champion’s league against PSG, which was the topic on everyone's minds lately– except for lena and y/n’s of course. 

"did I do something wrong?"

you shake your head, avoiding her gaze as you bury yourself into the red puffer jacket provided by the club. "no, lena, it's not you. I just– I just need some space."

"space?" she echoes, hurt flashing in her eyes as she knitted her eyebrows. "we were fine, and now you're shutting me out. why?"

you can't bring yourself to answer, so you walk away towards most of the team who is ready to train– you left her standing there, looking lost and confused.

as the days pass, her confusion turns to hurt. you can see it in her eyes, in the way her smile doesn’t reach them anymore, and it tears you apart. you put on a great poker face, going through practices and scoring twice in the second-leg quarterfinal game– giving bayern the ticket to go to the semi-finals– but in your apartment you were heartbroken. the way your face would be burying into your couch pillow as you frowned with a tear coming out of your eye– you wished that being vulnerable– in love and happy– would be much easier.  

your teammates notice the growing rift. the atmosphere in the locker room becomes tense. eventually, an international break happens and you left to play for your country. 

during this time period, lena opened up to the german bayern teammates about her feelings towards you. she fell in love with you over the last six months– but she didn’t understand why you pulled away. it was harsh. 

some of the girls on the team were upset, they knew why you were pulling yourself away from lena. 

finally, lea confronts you at your apartment on the first day you’re back in munich. you open up the door to see the look of frustration and anger on her face. you have never seen the calm woman so upset.

you came back from a win in the gold cup tournament with your national team so your spirits were high, but lea might have you come back to your reality in germany.

"y/n, whatever you’re trying to do– you need to stop it!” she snaps. you’re frozen as lea comes into your apartment without the need for invitation.

you find the movement to shut your door before following lea into your living room. she stands right by your couch as you stand awkwardly 5 feet away with your hands shaky by your side. 

“what?” you mumbled.

“you’re hurting lena with your avoidance and its pissing me off!" she snaps again, her eyes blazing. "you caught feelings for her and you’re scarred– rightfully so– but there's a limit with leading her on just for you to pull away.”  

“i’m sorry-.” you mumbled again, tears filling your eyes.

 

“no! stop letting your past control you. you're sabotaging yourself and it’s affecting everyone."

"lea, you don't understand," you begin to speak, but she cuts you off again.

"no, YOU don't understand," she retorts. "we all know about your past, lena does now too– and you didn’t deserve any of that– but lena is not your ex. she's in love with you y/n! she's not going to hurt you like that. you're pushing her away for no reason."

her words are harsh, but they strike a chord. lea's right, and you know it. the fear of getting hurt again has been holding you back, but in pushing Lena away, you’re only hurting yourself more. you stand there as tears pour down your cheeks. you didn’t bother wiping them, ashamed at what you thought was a safe option, but it was stupid. 

lea walks up to you and wipes your tears off of your face- you flinch– but eventually she hugs you as you let the rest of your tears flow. 

“i am not mad at you y/n, none of us are. we just need you to make the right decision.” lea calmly speaks. she finger-brushes your hair as you relax into the warm of your friend. 

“i love lena, lea, so much.” you say your thoughts out loud. 

“we know.” lea replies. 

“you need to make things right though. things aren’t over between you both. please let lena in, let you two feel the love that you both deserve.” lea continues as you mentally start to open yourself up again. 

the next practice– you start to reach out to lena again, trying to rebuild the bridge you nearly burned. 

remembering how lena loved your protein brownies one time back in january– you made a big patch and gave the full pan for her to keep. there was a note inside of the tinfoil, apologizing for trying to push lena away– but she understood. 

it's a slow process, but you’d take all of the time in the world just for lena to forgive you. 

there were awkward conversations...

your hesitant attempts at rekindling the bon you've missed. 

still.. lena was wary towards you sometimes, her responses guarded.

you muster the courage to approach her a few nights before the semi-final against chelsea. maybe, having this talk at this time could help you both be on your best game– mentally– for the match. 

"obi, can we talk?" you ask, your voice hesitant.

she looks at you, a mix of hope and caution in her eyes. "sure."

her cold tone bothered you, but you can only blame yourself. 

you sit down together in a lounge room on the training grounds, the silence heavy between you as you can both look out of the windows to see the pitch. before speaking, you look out at some of the girls on the pitch passing the ball with their heads. practice ended over half-an-hour ago so you’re surprised that some girls are still here.

taking a deep breath, looking at lena, you begin. "i'm sorry for how i've acted throughout the winter. it was not fair to you. i just... something happened– and i realized something which scared me– i've been through a lot, and I got scared." 

you realized you were jumping corners, away from confessing your true feelings and thoughts, but you wanted the conversation to go one step at a time.

lena listens, her expression softening as she remembered what some of the girls told her during the last international camp. "i get that you're scared, but i would never put you in harms way, which is what hurt me the most"

you nod, tears pricking at your eyes as you look down at your white colored cleats with grass stains. "i know. i promise you i'm trying to get over this fear through the therapy i’ve been doing here. i really like you, lena—-- more than just a teammate— and a friend” you mumble.

lena's eyes widened, her breath catching as what their teammates told her were confirmed with y/n’s words. "honey..."

"i know it's a lot to ask right now," you continue, your voice trembling. "but can we try? can we see where this goes?"

for a moment, lena is silent, processing your words. then, she reaches out, moving her chair closer to yours and taking your hands in hers. "i have feelings for you too, y/n. in fact, i think i am in love with you— but I can't be in this alone. i need to know that you’ll be here and you won’t pull away at any moment of struggle.” lena says, noting that all relationships do have mini-struggles, including healthy ones.

you’re scared, more than you’ve ever been, but your heart slows down from its rapid beating after hearing that lena loves you. you look into lena’s eyes, they’re beautiful and you smile with hope.

taking a deep breath, you nod. "i’m willing to try, lena. for you, and for me, and for us."

lena smiles, a genuine, bright smile that warms your heart as she squeezes your hands. "that's all I needed to hear."

It’s not a perfect resolution-- not at all-- and you know there will be challenges ahead. however, you start to see the hope that you thought you wouldn’t have for a very long time.

--

had this in my drafts for a few weeks lol, wasn't planning on posting this originally <3

[kiraixi]

This is my contribution to the Harringrove Relay Race! 🎄❤️@harringrove-relay-race

Santa Baby ~

Billy wasn’t happy with his predicament but honestly any extra cash would do… even if it meant babysitting your crushes ex’s younger sister.

Holly was a sweet kid. Shy at first, but after becoming a frequent swimmer at his Turtle Tots classes in summer Billy’s come to know what a bubbly yet devious inside she had. Adorable baby blues not even he could say no to along with a pixie laugh when she got her way.

Here he was, standing outside the mall, about to spend his Christmas day with a five year old.

To be fair it was way better than whatever burnt roast Susan would salvage, forced to choke down undercooked potatoes with his father’s threatening glare across. Forced to match Max’s tight smile and fake gratitude as she opens her third present while he gets none. Always. Only to left alone with his asshole dad and mouse of a wife while she runs off to her nerd friends' houses, blissfully ignorant of what waits for him behind closed doors.

Mrs Wheeler stopped him a week ago. Hand on his arm caressing, asking if he could be ‘ever so kind’ and watch her youngest on such a special day. Billy doesn’t care what she deigns so important she can’t look after her own child, but from the amount of cash stuffed into his hand he’s not complaining at all.

Twenty dollars to babysit her and another twenty five to buy her a gift. He can keep the change.

Holly takes him left and right. Kinda embarrassing how this little kid knows her way round more than him. Up the stairs they go to Claire’s, receiving a few warm chuckles from the lady running the till when Holly asks him which stuffed plushie is superior.

Billy personally thinks the reindeer one is cuter. It’s called Antler Claus.

They pick up some hot chocolate and share a gingerbread cookie. Holly called the thing Hermon and then decapitated its head, handing him the torso and legs. She’s darn cute.

Tugging on the arm carrying her teddy, she points down the hall. He turns to her,

“Mm?”

“I wanna see Santa!”

“Santa?” Billy looks where she’s pointing. A Christmas set up. A tree and a couple presents laid out, theres’ a small queue of people waiting to talk to a guy in red lounged on a chair.

“Oh… Santa.”

“Yep!” She tugs him forward with the mighty force of a toddler and they line up behind, Billy squinting at that floppy brown hair under the hat. Even though the boy’s face is hidden under that ridiculous beard, Billy could recognise him anywhere.

Steve Harrington in all his glory, sweating under layers of heavy velvet, trying with all his might to sell a jolly man accent.

He can’t suppress a smirk as they walk up for their turn. Steve tries hard to not make eye contact with Billy, instead listening intently to Holly.

“Hi there little miss! Have you been a good girl for Santa this Christmas?”

She giggles, swaying back and forth on Steve’s knee, “Yes! I spent today with Billy, it was so fun! We got a rei- rain—“ She frowns at Billy.

“Reindeer.”

“Reindeer!” Shining her brilliant three teeth smile at the older boy. They both laugh at her adorable antics.

She pulls Steve’s ear in, whispering in that way only children do, loud yet secretive all the same. “Don’t tell my mummy but this is way more fun than being home.”

Steve sends him a soft smile and Billy tries with all his might to tape down that warm shakiness building in his chest. Steve tells her to grab a gift off the shelf and while she’s away for a few minutes Billy’s curiosity gets the better of him.

“What made you do this instead of..” He waves his hand around lamely, “Festivities at home.”

Steve looks down at his lap a little forlorn, “I don’t think anyone would even realise I’m gone..”

“Ah..”, that sad pout makes Billy regret asking.

The other sighs, “Well why are you not at home? I wouldn’t have pegged you getting along with Holly.”

“Well, she’s a good kid and any extra money is useful,” Billy shrugs, not wanting to get into the details of a shitty house to go back to.

Steve nods in understanding, then snorts “Well haven’t you been a good boy this year,” pats his lap like the jerk he is. “Why don’t you sit on my lap”.

Billy blushes and looks heavenward, cursing god for making his fall for this absolute dork. Holly comes to save the day. Another plushie, a penguin this time, tucked under her arm and pulls him toward the churro stand.

He looks back at Steve, questioning how much he owes for the toy. Steve shakes his head and smiles, “Don’t worry about it, maybe instead you could stop by at four? It’s when I clock off, we could hang if you're free?”

Billy looks away, face warming but not from the temperature. He tickles Holly’s side and taps her nose, “Once I put this bug in her bed I’ll come back” They awkwardly wave goodbye, Holly giggles at him and he smiles back.

This Christmas isn’t turning out to be so bad after all.

Happy holidays everyone! Please look forward to the lovely work from the next person 🎉@thatgirlwithasquid

[the-s1lly-corner]

I wanna try something different this time around.

I’ve started to grow an interest to Eyeless Jack, I mean I haven’t read the story but the character has intrigued me.

What’s some fluffy headcanons you can think of for him with a partner in general?

General hcs for Eyeless Jack x Reader !

ehehehehe welcome to the ej fan club!! evil laughs >:) gotta admit my take on ej is only loosely based around the original story (guy waking up to find one of his kidneys missing is the TLDR version) but a lot of my hcs are based around a fic (?) reimagine (?) of ej that i remember seeing floating around yeeeeears ago back in middle school and im unsure how many people follow the "jack used to be a human but got dragged into a cult/human sacrifice unwillingly" idea since i admittedly dont interact much with the fandom outside of writing these lil hcs and making fanart TToTT

after everything that happened to him jack ran off to the woods to be away from prying human eyes, and as far as he knew he was viewed as (albeit unwilling and you could argue it was in self defense) murderer.... kind of puts a stop into your plans of finishing school and going into your dream career.. oh and also the teeny tiny detail that you now rely on human flesh as sustenance with no hope for being able to physically accept alternatives and as more time goes on you start to resemble something.. not human... theres that, too

if you want to see him during the day you're likely going to have to visit him in the woods, but fear not hes not homeless, hes found refuge in an old cabin; slowly hes been patching it up

dont expect him to make you do any work on the cabin, he views it solely as his responsibility and he'll likely deny any actual work helping rebuild it... though i dont think he would be against any tools and decoration (ex. stuff for a generator so he can have power, means to wash his clothes, basic supplies that arent food ectect)

i think overtime he would even get a little mini fridge for you so you can store snacks and drinks at his place, since he doesnt. have food

sometimes visits you at your place, but he only does this during the night so he doesnt get caught wandering the streets by other people... usually enters through the backdoor, to avoid anyone seeming coming from the front

very quiet and reserved, not very high energy... so most nights hanging out with him are calm... usually him asking you how you've been doing... you /could/ ask him the same, but he can only talk about patrolling his area in the woods for hikers straying too close so many times, and he doesnt want to bore you

thats actually another thing, he has traps set up around; mix of a means for hunting without having to go out and pick someone, and to make sure no one gets too close to the cabin

so i think, in the beginning he would ban you from coming to him without him guiding you, at least not until youve had ample time to get used to the traps and how to look for them and remember the general locations of them

teaches you how to forage, him being alone for so long has forced him to pick up new hobbies to keep him from going insane, so you now know how to do that sort of thing as well as identifying plants and fungi... fun!

on the very rare occasion you can convince jack to walk around town with you at night when everyone else is asleep.... its nice, i think.. kind of gives him a chance to just sink back into what his old life used to be and feel like hes normal again; though he tends to be quieter than usual on these walks

i dont think hes particularly possessive, dont get me wrong he cares about you and he does have the passing thought of you just up and leaving him one day (and he doesnt blame you, he holds a lot of self loathing for himself nowadays) but hes not going to be breathing down your neck and watching your every movement... he has enough trust in you not to get hurt or stuck in any situation

blunt, he doesnt beat around the bush and sometimes he doesnt sugarcoat things when the blow needs to be softened... mix of jack just being a little insensitive to others but also because hes gotten so used to thinking so logically and straight forward and numbing his own emotions over... who knows how long, probably even before he got all messed up..

can be a little sarcastic at times, so he might come off as an asshole every now and then, especially when you mix in the bluntness

i dont think he would actively try to be mean to others though, he'd try to understand and fix something if his habits upset you because he doesnt want to lose you

very cold, physically, so be sure to bring blankets and stuff when you want to cuddle into him

very careful with you, he has claws and teeth... and sometimes shedding blood around him can be really dangerous (he feeds on human material, he tends to push off eating for as long as he can since the fact hes eating people meat messes with him.. argument between survival of himself and survival of others; but due to his curse he can go into 'frenzies' and momentarily lose himself to his hunger. think how in finding nemo the sharks went nuts when dory cut her fin on accident, its like that but he doesnt go nuts all the time) so hes very very gentle even when he has a strong hold on himself

speaking of his forced diet, he doesnt eat often.. only really needing to do so every now and then, but i like to think he would still sit at the table with you to keep you company while you ate dinner

though he wouldnt want you to do the same when he DOES eat, might prefer you not come at all on those days actually

him and reader remind me of the "its rotten work"/"not to me, not if its you" audio

[moonsharky]

comalandia ∘⁠˚⁠˳⁠° 911 fox + not so obvious nods to buck's memories

only the not really obvious ones, and i'm sure theres probably some i missed but oh well. image descriptions have explanations too. see the end for honourable mentions

[Image Description:

10 gifs of Evan "Buck" Buckley (and others) from 9-1-1, during his coma dream in season 6 episode 11, with older episodes too.

Gif 1: Buck - in his coma dream - sits on the couch between his brother and their father, beer in hand for all three of them. To the left of the couch is a shelf that holds a lamp, and in front of the lamp is a framed picture of the bar Buck tended in Peru. The picture contains the dark wood bar top encircled by a bunch of colourful barstools.

Gif 2: In Peru, season 4 episode 5, we see Connor talking to an off-screen Buck. Connor leans his elbows on the bar top. Next to him we can slightly see the same bright barstools as in the photo. In the background are tables and chairs that match the vibe. It's not a glaringly obvious nod, but it's definite.

Gif 3: In the lobby of the hospital within the coma dream Buck stands with Hen and Chimney as they try to figure out why it feels like Buck is dying and how he can get back to his life outside. Behind Buck walks two people in traditional South Asian attire; one in a dark blue and silver detailed sari, and the other wearing a head covering, but with an indiscernible outfit because Buck's body stands in the way of view.

Gif 4: In season 1 episode 5, a bride-to-be stands in front of a tall mirror, wearing a bright red sari with gold details, as her friend/bridesmaid helps her prepare for the wedding. We know the last gif is a nod to this specific moment (and not just people in the background) for two reasons; one, because it's an important part of Bobby's story in season 1, and two, because we have never seen Indian people in traditional clothing before or since.

Gif 5: The camera focus is mainly on Bobby, following him as his quickly rushes past Buck in the coma dream, so the background is a blink and miss it situation. A doctor tends to a patient with a high heel shoe embed in their left cheek.

Gif 6: Season 2 episode 6, has Chimney talking to one of the parents of the child beauty queens, who has a high heel shoe stabbed into the left cheek.

Gif 7: In the background of a few shots within Buck's coma journey throughout the hospital, you can see two people in khaki/beige ensembles. They stand as if they're guarding whatever is on the other side of the glass doors behind them. At first inspection, they could easily be passed off as nurses. But looking closer, it seems like no other nurses have worn this colour of scrubs before in the show. Mostly it's blue, sometimes maroon or even pink. But never khaki. This combined with the way they hold themselves, makes me think of the two prisoners that pretend to be guards.

Gif 8: In season 5 episode 6, two prisoners have taken the uniforms of guards in order to blend in and escape. They rummage through the personal belongings of said guards, seeing what they can take. The colour is the exact same as the two from the hospital in Buck's coma dream. And again, the way they stand brings me to think of these two.

Gif 9: Buck and Bobby walk through the hospital, past some open curtains where beds are. They pass a few pregnant people, all in varying degrees of athleisure wear. It appears that they may all be in labour.

Gif 10: Buck and Bobby respond to a call where pregnant parents begin to go into labour one after the other. All wearing clothing comfortable enough to do yoga in.

honourable mentions:

When Buck first awakens within his coma, he looks up at Daniel as Daniel talks, giving the rundown of what happened. In the top left corner, the television is on, a news segment playing. The headline reads "VA HOSPITAL WAIT TIMES." The second line is hard to read, but this is going on the same time that Buck has his first memory, which just so happens to be of Eddie. Eddie, who is an Army Vet. Whom in comalandia fights to keep his son, but doesn't have the right support systems. It feels like this is somehow a little hint to that storyline.

When Buck arrives home in his voma dream to his parents waiting for him, he wears a white shirt with wide spaced grey pinstripe. Much like the one he was wearing when Eddie got shot. It's not the same shirt I don't think, but hugely similar. Also there's a photo on his computer desk, but the image is too pixelated and far away for me to figure out what it is, though it may be another nod to something.

In the hospital waiting room of comalandia, another TV is turned on to the news, black smoke billowing on the footage on screen. I can't make out what the headline says. But it can definitely hint at many different things in the show, as Buck is a firefighter after all.

Christopher shows up in Buck's coma dream, and he wears a three toned horizontally striped tee under a hoodie. The stripes alternate between an almost green shade of blue, a dark blue, and white. Not sure where from, but I swear Chris has worn this shirt before, or even something similar.

/END ID]

[my-name-is-calypso]

HOLD ON I JUST THOUGHT OF A BANGER AU OF DANNY PHANTOM!!!!

Okag so this Au can be mainly used for everlasting trio (platonic or not), but you can use anything else

_______________________________________________

Alot of things are basically the same, EXCEPT this is halfa trio au, BUT THERES IS ONLY ONE PHANTOM/HALFA HERO! Or at least thats what everyone else thinks, BECAUSE SAM, TUCKER AND DANNY ARE ALL HALFAS

But theres something missing here right? How are they all halfas but theres only "one" ghost hero?

My friends...THEY ARE KINDA OF AN AMALGAMATION BUT ALSO NOT, their main form is a mix of the tree of them BUT they can also shapeshift a bit

Not enough to change their WHOLE appearence, for example:

if they are gonna deal with a ghostly tech (or magic) problem, the ghost will look more like Tucker, if its a nature the ghost will look like Sam (and other theme that you think will fit Sam, because i want to give at least 2 themes for each) one), if the problem is Space/Ice they will look more like Danny.

But it will still be a mix, only that more traits of each of them will appear more (if the problems is focused on the areas of only two, both traits will appear more)

And their thoughs? Can they each think separetly or not? Well i like the idea of their thoughs beaing separed, which will cause a lot of problems at their start on being a hero.

OH AND ALSO!! The main form will have 2 legs and 2 Arms, and the body will look human, but certain times, if 2 arms are -for example- stuck, at least 2 more país can appear, i think it will look good if that mainly happen with arms and legs, but fuck it, anything else works, like their head will just turn in a less fucked up version of like...v0ldemort face being on the back of that one professor head.

ANY WAY GETTING THIS OUT OF THE WAY, lets give more details!!!

The Start:

Their backstorys and family relations is all the same, danny parents are still the "crazy" scientists that believe in ghost, and all that jazz

We know how it goes, the portal gets ready, does not work, The Fenton parents get sad and bla bla bla (you can choose the details here)

But the trio wants to check it, they go see it and for whatever motive you choose they wnat danny to go inside the portal, AND THATS WHERE THINGS CHANGE

Because danny refuses to go unless the three of them go, they agree, take on of the others Danny's extra HAZMATS suits, and they go inside (they hold hands because its dark and they don't want to get hurt)

Their death:

The portal turns on with the three of them still inside, and well they go trough alot of pain and well they have one form and they are tripping everywhere and can't use their(?) body very well, and everyones panicking and hearing each others thoughs and crying and they see a mirror (you choose how they look like exactly but i think their form is changing constatly, and the faces is not exactly right ...until they open their eyes, and are all fallen in the floor, human, breathing and most important, normal!

Other:

So everything is the same, except some details, like when vlad sees danny, he doesnt see that danny is an halfa like him, but knows that he is not exactly normal, so he keeps his eyes closes to him, but nothing happens. UNTILL HE SEES PHANTOM (and think the name should be only one and still be phantom) and realizes that is danny, so he follows while hidden to talk to him, and sees the trio destransform

His obsession still has something to do with marrying maddie and adopting Danny (be it him wanting a family, and being delusional that only these two will love him), but he ONLY wants danny to be his halfa son, so he kinda wants to find a way to only have danny as an halfa (be it killing Sam and Tucker)

And then he goes to cloning, and Danniele is born, she is still mainly a clone of Danny, but she still has Sam and Tucker DNA (Vlad failed to truly get rid of these two DNA, so he stuck to having just the minumum of their DNA), they help Danniele (who chooses to now be named Ellie) and she goes to travel the world (in this, she has a phone, and keeps in touch with the trio)

Jazz still is the one to first fully alive person to find out their secret, she doenst change a lot, she just worries more because of the trio

Valerie still is Red Huntress and hates ghosts, but she gets a truce with phantom sooner and gets rid of her hatred of ghost earlier (her Dad still loses his job, and she gets kicked out of the A-Listers, and she still works a part-time job at Nasty Burger)

Amity park thinks Phantom is one person and just shapeshifts (not that crazy of an idea once you realizes ghost exists) and so does the ghost at their first meeting untill they se the trio destransfrom.

The G.I.W is not much of a joke here, because goverment, but they suck ALOT on catchin ghosts

If you wanna go with dissection, i have no idea what will happen so be creative

May add images later?

[sweetpinkchampagne]

sinful II

18+ readers only please lovelies!! (this is for a reason please listen<3)

little synopsis: the reader is tonys daughter (he had her young, canon doesnt exist) theres tension between you and stephen, an obvious age gap keeping you from eachother (26, 40). theyre 'trapped' in an elevator together and the tension crumbles.

its been 2 days since the elevator incident and stephen has left you high and dry.. at an event you spot stephen with a young model in his lap, clearly he has a type. an angry confrontation leads to sex in a bathroom.

pronouns: female pronouns are used

relationship: fem reader x stephen strange not established relationship

note: i do not know what possessed me to write this shit, i will not apologise. i love you <333

warnings: defined age gap, stephen being possessive, controlling smut, dd/lg kind offf, petnames, semi public sex

it had been two nights, two long nights since your slip up with stephen. since you dropped your façade. you had woken up in his bedroom to cold sheets and an empty pillow. he had gone. fuck that, you thought. neither of you texted each other and conveniently he missed two days of work. well, define work - because he managed to find it within him to show up to a gala your father had thrown. a very fancy gala where people bidded on expensive technology and played characters for an evening. mingle with potential investors, keep up with appearances, engage with the press. those were the rules, and you weren’t going to disobey your father. another interesting detail that was headlined by TMZ, “doctor stephen strange seen with blonde supermodel. love or lust?” you weren’t blonde, or a supermodel by trade. that struck a nerve. 

it was 8pm, the gala had started an hour ago but you decided that just in case he did show up, you wanted to make a statement. your dress was a floor length black lacey number, with a sheer element that somewhat exposed your lower back and your ass. cascading down the stairs elegantly, you pushed open the doors loudly, fuck it you wanted to be seen. interrupting some old white man's bid on your father’s new bionic eye invention. the room went silent and heads whipped around. you sauntered over to the round table that seated natasha and maria, plopping yourself down in the seat next to the lovebirds. out of the corner of your eye you could see a man with jet black hair and grey streaks eyeing you, tongue in cheek, jaw clenched and you loved in it. natasha was the only person who knew of your one night stand turned revenge plot - therefore so did maria. you loved them both dearly.

“he’s staring, oh he’s livid.” natasha chuckled, adjusting her necklace. you swiveled turning back in your seat to grab a glass of very expensive champagne from the waiter, thanking him. 

“who’s that?” maria cocked her head, studying the blonde sat next to him. you knew it was her, you didn’t bother to look.

“stella whitford, shes a 26 year old model for dolce and gabbana.” natasha nearly spat out her red wine at your retort and maria snorted. 

“jesus stark! what are you, a stalker?” nat composed herself before looking back at the model. whitford was laughing, stephen whispering something in her ear. must have been fucking hilarious. 

“not a stalker, i'm just...well–read.” 

“didn’t think TMZ was your kind of read.”

“oh, so you guys saw it too?” maria nodded before mumbling an insult directed to stephen under her breath and nat agreed. you shrugged in response, "it's clear he’s just a middle aged man who preys on young women. i couldn't care less. honestly." you lied

“oh come on..” natasha responded, giving you an all-knowing look. 

“sold!! to edward tieran for 6.5 million dollars!” the sound of the mallet against the wood ringing in your ears as the crowd clapped. you heard the blonde pleading behind yo, far away and stephen firmly saying no. controlling prick. stella stood up, dismissing stephen before making her way to your table. you appreciated that.

“hi! oh my god, i know this is totally unprofessional but i’m like a big fan and i just- i'm sorry i just wanted to meet you! i’m stella.” she grinned widely, adoringly looking at you. she was so sweet. it was clear she had no idea about you and stephen. 

“oh! no, don't apologise, that’s so sweet!! it’s so nice to meet you stella” you shook her hand before natasha queried politely. 

“are you sitting with, strange?” she said with a smile on her face. you kicked her ankle from under the table and maria bit her cheek to hold back her laughter. 

“oh, yeah. he’s just a hookup, to be entirely honest with you i just wanted to attend a gala. i begged for him to take me and he finally gave in! he’s not my type, he was just in the right place at the right time.” a wave of relief washed over you, drowning you. you all continued chatting, politely mingling and she swiftly checked her phone seeing it was 10:30pm. 

“i'm so sorry! i have to go, i have this like really important club event to go to, you know how it is. there’s a buncha modelling scouts there. it was so lovely meeting you guys!!” she quickly hurried off, abandoning stephen. 

“i love her, can we take her home? she’s so precious” natasha teased at how threatened you were by stella. you felt stupid. she was lovely. more than lovely, and she was absolutely gorgeous.

“okay, okay.. i got it. she’s very sweet and i feel like an idiot.” you groaned, your head resting against your hand, your elbow on the table. it was bad manners, but whatever. servers holding plates of the regular beef and chicken circulated the venue, placing meals to the left of attendees. 

“i'm just going to go to the ladies room, i’ll be back” you sighed, ducking in between the servers, apologising but still confidently walking. you opened the doors to the lobby, it was entirely empty. the bathroom was beautiful, with gorgeous marble pillars and sinks. you touched up your lipstick and stood there composed. you washed your hands and dried them with a paper towel, still embarrassed. you walked with your back to the door to the bathroom, throwing your balled up paper towel into the bin. and suddenly, thud. a lean but muscular body hit you. before you could turn around to see who it was he spoke. 

“nice shot” you could recognise that baritone voice anywhere. you rolled your eyes and turned around. 

“i could get you kicked out for harassment for standing in the women's bathroom” you bit back. you were all riled up. 

“what? you're lonely, date leave you or something??” you said turning around. he was smirking. god you wanted to slap him. you swore you weren’t an angry person but he did things to you. 

“oh don’t tell me you’re jealous, dear.” he walked forward, essentially pushing his way into the bathroom before he shut the door. jealous?? please. 

“you were the one who left, didn’t speak a word to me and then hooked up with stella whitford - who by the way, can do so much better than you.” you scoffed. 

“you reading up on me, baby? i didn’t know you cared for me that much” he chuckled, looking around the bathroom, continuing to step forward before your lower back hit one of the beautiful marble sinks. 

“drop your panties” he said lowly, undoing his dress shirt’s sleeves, before efficiently rolling them up and backing you against the sink and lowering his head down to look at you. 

“excuse me? you can’t just barge in here after you left me in the dark" you were swiftly cut off. 

“do I need to repeat myself? i said, drop your fucking panties, stark. don't be bratty.” he had your chin positioned up, looking into your eyes, tutting. that cold, sexy stare. would you be weak for giving in, because god you wanted to.. without thinking you complied, shimming down your skimpy black lace underwear and throwing them at his chest. he chuckled at your childish response before he spun you around and unzipped your dress. he didn’t rip it, he unzipped it.. that was new. the dress fell to the floor. 

“elbows on the sink for me, pretty girl, can you do that fr’ me??” you were putty in his hands.

“this isn't fair and you know it.” you retorted, the cold marble stinging your elbows. 

“i know baby, let me kiss it better for you, yeah??” the sound of him undoing his belt sent shivers down your spine. this wasn’t exactly a private bathroom, anyone could walk in at any time and he knew it. before you knew it he was pounding into you as you gripped the sink, hot breaths fogging up the mirrors as the sound of skin hitting skin echoed through the room. 

“oh stephen.” you moaned, throwing your head back slightly, he wasn’t kind, this wasn’t making love - this was pure sex. 

“fucking christ you’re addictive.” he groaned before speeding up his pace. he was hitting your cervix unmercilessly. his knuckles white as he dug into the plush of your hips. god he looked good in a suit. the pounding against your g-spot made you whimper, your eyes glazed over and your mouth parted. your hair wasn’t in the pretty curls they were before you stepped into the bathroom. 

“god- i’m.. go- gonna.” you whimpered and he smirked at you in the mirror, watching you intently. 

“right there with you, come on sweetheart. give it to me, make a mess fr’ me.”  

you were done for. you came with a loud cry, your body shaking and trembling as the last waves of pleasure washed over you. he released your hips and kissed the back of your neck, giving you a satisfied, cocky smile. you collapsed in his arms, your heart still pounding as he cleaned you up, redressed you and propped you back up on the sink. his scarred hands gently taming your hair and tucking a curl behind your ears. he kissed your forehead as you looked up at him dumbly, face flushed, freshly fucked, head empty. how could you have said yes?

“fucking christ you’re addictive” the words he had spoken previously, ringing in your ears, stuck in your head.

[i-cant-sing]

omg did you like jinn stories growing up?

when I was younger I'd sit with my grandmother for hours begging for a singular jinn story

and then the coward I am would be terrified for days after

100% girl. I used to go to my Pakistani neighbours house and after munching on anything they cooked, their sons would gather around to tell me all the stories and stuff. ofc, their parents would scold them whenever they were caught because "u guys shouldnt joke around about these creatures. its practically an invitation to haunt you guys" and then yknow i found out how Islam actually confirms the existence of jinns.

as i grew up, my interest in this world also grew and then i found out about jinn possessions, which sounds like boring because everyones heard of demonic possessions and what not. BUT theres been a couple of stories where the jinn haunts and may even possess someone because well.... they like said person.

and yall know as a writer/daydreamer- i comjured up some delicious scenarios in my head.

lol i used to ask my grandma for horror stories, and im expecting her to tell me jinns or ghost stuff but nope. miss girl decides her 6 year old granddaughter is old enough for true crime, HORRIFIC MURDER STORIES omg she told me about a gang who used to terrorise the country by brutally murdering people- whole families, just for shit and giggles. and they were never caught and had no surviving witnesses except for one kid, who was so traumatised he couldnt ever speak again. again, i ate these stories up.

my grandpa, he was an engineer so he wanted to hear me tell him stories than the other way around. oh and he adored the stupid tales i told him. I'd come home from school, running straight to his room, banging on the door because i couldnt reach the knob (until he installed one for my small height, so then his door had 2 door knobs lol) and i'd be sat on his lap as i proceeded to tell him about the baby chicken story i learned at kindergarten, but yknow- with all the dramatics, youd think i was telling him about jurrassic park. but funnily enough, he remembered EVERYTHING, all the details, all characters names and whatnot. and this is all happening after i was quiet in the car with my mom all the way home. and she's just standing there like ??????wthh???? cause whenever she asked me what happened at school or what did i learn today, i'd just shrug and look out the window, or say "the same thing as yesterday." and what was that? "u can look at my timetable" 💀

[actualbird]

i think itd be really funny if luke and mc had no sense of normal boundaries with each other whatsoever

i recently remembered this exchange from luke’s personal story 3

luke: //says something INCREDIBLY CREEPY STALKER-ISH VERY CASUALLY

mc: //answers sheepishly but in no way indicating that that INCREDIBLY CREEPY STALKER-ISH DETAIL is in any way indeed INCREDIBLY CREEPY AND STALKER-ISH

me: oh so you guys are WEIRD weird

i went back to replay the scene to check if i missed something like if luke was holding her laptop or some shit and "access to your computer logs" was more of "yo ur timestamped browser history is like, right in front of me" but prior to this exchange mc had only showed luke her chat with ted.

that couldve happened on her phone or laptop and i guess maybe that chat couldve shown late timestamps of her staying up but 1) why didnt the line just say that and thus save me from the full minute "HUHHH?!?!??" misunderstanding of thinking that luke used his hacker prowess to essentially keep tabs on mc's data and 2) it's just wayy funnier to me to construe this exchange to mc and luke being co-dependent wackos (affectionate)

im aware this could go a dark/yandere!luke route but im personally not too big of a fan of those (and if you are, thats neat!! just not my thing) and thus am going more on the hc angle of Luke And MC Mutually Have No Understanding Of Normal Social Boundaries With Each Other, like, thats just how they are with each other.

theres no dark or malicious ulterior motive, thats just how they Are. grew up together, told each other everything, peas in a pod, and as they grew older and got wilder skillsets, the lack of boundaries continued via those mediums and they think this kind of stuff is completely normal and everybody surely is like this with a close friend, right?

and i say mutually. for equality. i dont want luke to be the only one w the stalker power, mc has to have it too

luke can have his hacker bullshit to keep tabs on mc but for the sake of Equality and also for the sake of him finding ways to cope with his Big Huge Guilt over his 8 year disappearance, luke gives mc ways to creepily keep tabs on him as well.

for example

luke: i know my disappearance gave you a lot of anxiety and that you worry a lot about how im doing when im away.....

luke: .....so i created a program you can install into any device that'll give you live readings of my exact location on the globe as well as all my vitals from a subcutaneous microchip i implanted into myself :')

luke: with this, i can never run away from you ever again :')

mc, genuinely: this is the sweetest thing anybodys ever done for me 🥺🥺🥺

DAVIS, listening in from a nearby device: oh you guys are WEIRD weird

[babiebom]

apologies for my absence- holiday periods are tiring lmao how were they for you? unfortunately we have yet to watch the fnaf movie, as our group is one that is exceedingly difficult to make plans around because we're all busy 💀 but then there's the one guy who doesn't want to leave his house lmao luckily, iv'e been pretty good at staying away from spoilers, so i've got that going for me. on the other hand, i'm planning to go see Trolls 3, and my mother and sister recently went to see the new Wonka movie. Though from what i've heard from a friend, Wonka's no good :// Yeahhh, if i actually commit to the mod, i'd have to learn pixel art and reteach myself code and programming 😭... i used to be somewhat decent at it. oooo yes i love a good choose your own adventure! they're so much fun and i've actually coded 1 of my own :,) it was through Visual Basics though, so the formatting was a bit weird for me lmao if you're going for a visual novel type of look and playability, I'd probably recommend Unity or itch.io? in my experience, Unity is probably easier to use.. theres another website/app i used but i can't recall the name sadly :( if i do i'll get back to you though! i don't have that much of a detailed request this time, but perhaps some fluff and love languages between rasmodius and the reader? or like hcs of rasmodius's evolving interest/thoughts arund the reader before finally getting together? i'd perhaps request nsfw/smut stuff too but tbh i just don't have any ideas 💛 tysmm :D -🔮

A/N: I’m glad you’re okay!! Honestly I’ve been sick these past couple of weeks (I caught pneumonia and had it for a month before going to the hospital. I thought it was a cold oopsies) I haven’t watched anything new recently but I am watching the third season of singles inferno with some friends. And I guess until I can figure out how to make a visual novel I have to write the fic out lmao sucks for me because I think a game would be better but oh well. What can I do? And like always I’ll try to do both!! Check back for the second one!!

Tw: cursing, slight nsfw but no full on smut. Let me know if there’s something I missed!!

Wc: I have no idea! But these are headcanons so 10+ is the goal!!

Sdv Masterlist

Okay so there are five main types of love languages.

Physical touch, Words of Affirmation, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Quality Time.

I would also like anyone reading this to remember that these love languages are how you want to be loved/receive love not how you show love to others.

I do think that Rasmodius is very connected to himself

And by that I mean I think he knows himself very well, or at least he thinks he knows himself very well.

And for a long time I think he probably thought that Quality Time and Physical Touch were his main two love languages.

I mean idk if it’s canon but in my opinion I do think he cheated on the witch with Caroline

And I’m not gonna go into it here because this isn’t about them, but I think it might’ve had to do with that and his own struggles with temptations.

And I also think gift giving is canon for literally every single character in stardew because that’s the main way to befriend someone.

But I think that after marrying you/beginning to date you he realizes that his actual love language is words of affirmation.

While Physical touch and quality time are still very important to him, being with you makes him see that he really does like being praised.

Like whenever you say that he has done something well, or that you like something he has done his heart flutters as if he were a teenager again.

Especially when it comes to his magic

Like I feel like the townspeople aren’t really fond of him

And they never thank him for the things that he does whenever they actually need him for stuff

Like the haunted maze

Like they’re just talking about how weird he is and how he got it done

But they never stop and say anything that’s positive like WTF

So I think he would appreciate whenever you thank him or praise him and it would go straight to his head (which one idk 👀)

With quality time I feel like you get a lot of it after he moves to the farm

Like unless he’s working in his tower, or you’re off somewhere like in the mines

That you’re like together even if it’s spent in silence

And he loves that

Like he was super lonely before even if he doesn’t want to admit it

So just being in the same room as you counts as quality time for him.

And if you’re doing an activity that’s particularly domestic

He’s in heaven like he doesn’t wanna make it a big deal

But baking and helping you around the farm makes his heart soar.

I think in terms of how he shows love i think he would show it in acts of service and gift giving

Like oh you don’t feel well?

Don’t bother going to the clinic he’s just going to create a potion that stops you from getting sick

You’re afab and you’re having bad cramps during your period?

Consider them gone

Look at this thing he got for you

And while yeah this might seem like either a lot of insincere

In his mind and heart this is how he shows that he appreciates you and wants you to live a good and easy life.

If he can make things easier and less stressful for you

That’s exactly what he’s going to do

He loves you and while he loves receiving attention and love he’s kinda crap at giving it in the same way because he just doesn’t really know how

So this is how he does

He’s VERY romantic sometimes and shows it through gifts and services.

Very cute and a good significant other when you get past his rough exterior.

[beardisable]

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD okay.

so i watched the 8 hour jack stream(jesus) aka watched genloss top to bottom again and listened to his theories and stuff(i really vibe with the "kidnapped as kids" angle more now) and started thinking about some theories he and chat mentioned and.

now im thinking with like. ok its probably a pretty common theory, this post was what prompted this additional idea of mine actually, but ill explain it a bit: the theory that, since sneeg and charlie can come back over and over again, and they have referenced like, refusing to do the cooking challenge in ep 1, and how charlie was playing the mouse trap but ate the cage, they have obviously done the same kind of scenes we saw ranboo do, right. and then in the Announcement video we see the same kind of "missing poster" type headshots of them, with the caption "Found them!"

i dont remember exactly where it was confirmed that showfall made the missing person posters, but like. yeah. these images are for missing posters like ranboo had. and with sneeg being caught by the security in ep 3, he had tried to escape, just like ranboo and charlie. and i feel like this wasnt the first or last time they have tried this!

also, during that screenshot the announcer says "our hero will meet a cast of crazy characters, who you may recognize", aka the audience has seen these "actors" before in other things! this is their first live show but what have they made before...?

then, with one of the Very first lines Ranboo says in the first episode, "it wasn't supposed to be like this"... showfall/hetch made it seem like this is ranboos first show and he's being tested for how well he does as The Hero.

I dont think what we saw is Ranboos first time starring in a showfall production.

its the first live thing like the announcement video said but i think hetch lied when he talked about how its a test, i think Ranboo's been here at least a few go arounds, if not tens/hundreds/thousands of times. WHICH MEANS in the end when he gets his memories back... theres an infinite amount of possibility of things they could remember for what they have been made to do in the past :) Bc remember, while this is comedy->horror, it was still relatively tame and non-explicit (at least by my personal standards?) so it is quite possible they have been in more R rated horror stuff, slashers, gore, actual saw, some kind of even worse psychological horror things, but also that they might have had incredibly good experiences like love and joy and community and anything positive too, and to remember all that in a rush... oh boy so i believe it is a circular reproduction, maybe they run through scenes repeatedly over and over while perfecting every little detail and getting different takes of genuine emotion but every time Real and a First experience... some kind of purgatory(omg christian hell reference) or endless torture or such...

ok that got really maybe unneccessarily angsty so heres my other thought:

i love me a fucking colour theory and colour symbolism! it bothered me a bit how like. in the promo game we get ranboo, then green friend/the villain(obviously charlie, tho the villain part still confuses me a Bit since its not quite true?), the blue friend/the taken(obvs sneeg) and then the red stranger/the saviour. and like it would logically follow that the red is hetch right?

jack when theorising said the titles are self descriptive, which i buy into, at least for the first episode context, charlie is the villain role, sneeg was taken(put in a cage and later snatched by the sharkciclester), and hetch was trying to help and save ranboo from this situation! but then in the second ep we also have red puzzler, and red niki? i WISH niki had. any kind of bigger role to build a Saviour type off of her but i dont think she does :( the puzzler is an option, since they make it seem like the puzzler tries to save ranboo? and thats actually a whole other thought like. since we know hetch was not actually helping ranboo, was the puzzler Genuinely helping them, and somehow showfall found out and killed him?? idk ANYWAYS that colour coding falling apart a bit made me think about how ranboo is also red!! rgb trio yknow??

if the titles are self descriptive... well i dont think Ranboo really felt like The Hero much, especcially not in the end...

I think Ranboo is actually meant to be the Saviour.

Esp with the jesus coding! I believe this kind of thing has happened many times before, with sneeg/charlie/ranboo/others realizing that shits fucked, and trying to escape, only to be caught and put back in the production. I think Ranboo(main character syndrome) was in a previous iteration the Saviour, who tried to help sneeg and charlie and others get out of there, to save them, save everyone. but they failed. got captured. once again waking up again with a "it wasn't supposed to be like this..."

and so the cycle continues, and the content wheel keeps spinning.

(ive only been in tumblr tags so feel free to link me any other ppl who arrived at the same conclusion)

[heartlvrrss]

Doodle (part 1?)

Pairing: Haechan x reader

Word count: 1417

Genre: fluff, attempted and horribly failed comedy

Warnings: swearing, cringe and theres no kiss in this part </3 let me know if i missed any!

••••••••

A light hits my face, making me immediately move my tired arm to my face, hoping to block the horrid light from my eyes for the hope of at least getting a few more seconds of sleep.

Well that’s what I was at least  hoping for before a loud voice had to interrupt me, which of course belonged to lee donghyuck, who, was also my longterm friend since middle school when we met through an awkward encounter of when my boyfriend of 2 months broke up with me, 13 year old me was obviously heartbroken and what made it even worse was hyucks loud ass laugh that could be heard from across the globe. We somehow became friends shortly after, which made me become bewitched under his charm and somehow gain a life long crush on him.

Resuming to the current situation in our 3rd year of college, here I am trying to ignore his desperate whines to get me up, there was a reason i decided to not get a roommate but if a knew hyuck would technically be the same thing then maybe i would’ve opted for the roommate option earlier on.

“wake up” haechan screams into my ear for about the millionth time making me inch one bit closer to slapping the shit out of him

“Lee donghyuck will you please just shut the fuck up, its saturday for gods damn sake.” The annoyance evident in my voice

“but you promised to take me to the new cat cafe” the grown ass man whines

“Do I fucking look like your sugar mommy to you?” istg if he says yes ill slap him 

“youre not but, I am willing to take the offer just incase” that’s when I slap him for real making him let out an exaggerated yelp

“thats it. Ask one of your other hoes, im not taking you anymore”

Sadly, it seemed to not work as here I am walking with this absolute man-child to a cat cafe, once we arrived there I (obviously) firstly looked at the exterior, it was a cute little pink and off white cafe with a rusty pink chalkboard sitting outside for todays menu, a few white tables and seats with some flowers on each table to decorate it,

“It’s so cute” I squealed 

“I told you it would be nice” hyuck replies but I just ignore him.

As we go in there were a few people already sitting there, eating a pastry or drinking something with adorable cats on their laps. We walked to a table by a window and grabbed the menus, taking a look at them before a waiter comes

“Hello, have you already decided on what to order yet?” She asks,

“Just a few more minutes please” I reply before she says something again

“Ok, also you too are a very cute and good-looking couple” she smiles not knowing of my mini heart attack that I’m having right now,

“Oh, we’re not a-” I answer back in shock before being interrupted by hyuck

“Oh god, she’s like a sister to me” he says in a (fake but i’m to dumb to realize) disgusted tone which, to be honest, it hurt quite a bit but I brushed it off, there’s no way I could still have a crush on him after all this time, right? 

“My apologies” she smiles back before leaving.

“Well, have you decided on what to eat yet?” I ask trying to brush off the heartbreak and embarrassment rushing through my body at that second

***** (Time skip cuz Im not gonna put that much detail into that one scene)       

It’s Monday (sadly) and I’m being dragged from my beloved bed by haechan as usual, earlier then usual to class,he wanted to ‘be early’  though I know it was probably to chose who would be his new girlfriend (It’s taking me a lot to hold back from slapping him and telling him I’m right here) because it’s apparently been way to long since he’s had a girlfriend (literally like 9 months). 

“You know you could’ve just went alone without me” I whine

“I might look weird if I go alone won’t it look weird when I go alone and just look at other girls”

“No it would make me look like a creep”

“Do you know how many people think we are dating? Like 5 million, I think you would rather want to be a creep then a cheater to people who don’t know us”

“Now that you say that, you’re sadly correct? Y’know what, leave I’ll do this myself” He replies while trying to push me the other way

“Can you stop pushing me you shithead? Just in case you forgot we have the same class!” 

                         ********

“Can you please stop hitting me!” I complain to Haechan who’s been hitting me for almost the whole lesson

“I’m bored”

“And I’m trying to learn, so please for the sake of others and me would you please stop”

“How would it hurt others?” He says in a blunt voice

“How am I gonna support my future family because I’m getting rejected at every job because I didn’t pay attention during class?”

“I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to support us” 

What the actual fuck. “Lee Donghyuck.”

“Not the government name. Scary.” He says in a ‘scared’ tone yet I could hear the smirk on his face.

***********

I don’t know why I even chose to accept to go to a party with hyuck but here I am walking with him to the party

“Why did we have to walk?” Haechan whines

“Because you need to get up and walk, exercise is important”

“Don’t act like the last time you even went near a gym was when you wanted to get something to eat from the mcdonalds next to it”

“Oh, look! We’re here!” I say trying to change the topic of this convo

“Don’t try to change the subject!”

***

“Hyuck stop drinking, you’ve had so many shots I’m not even sure how you’re even alive right now” I complain to him

“You’re not my mother” he whined, clearly drunk.

“Do you want to end up like him?” I point over to mark who’s on the couch next to a bucket of puke grasping onto staying awake which the possibility of that happening is less possible than him getting hoes “Cause I don’t feel like taking care of you in that state” I look over to haechan who is trying to look like hes asleep, keyword; trying.

“Stop pretending to be asleep, you know that trick never works on me”

“Damn it” he replies clearly bummed out about the fact it didn’t work as usual

“Now get up, I’m not going to let you stay at this place any drunker than you already are

“I don’t wanna” He has the nerve to reply knowing he’ll oblige anyways the second I say it again

“It isn’t choice get up” This time he thankfully gets up, slightly staggering before I let him hold onto me for support

“I’ll call a cab” I say after we walk out the door and he just nods most likely not listening yet still looking at me like a toddler seeing it’s favorite cartoon on tv

“You’re really pretty actually” He says out of nowhere breaking the silence

“Hyuck it’s not the time for jokes right now, you’re just drunk you’re speaking nonsense” I say, brushing of the butterflies in my stomach

“I’m not lying though” Haechan whines like a child “Couldn’t you tell that I’ve liked you ever since I’ve met you?” he says again in a more serious tone this time

“I thought you were just joking all the time when you flirted with me, besides you’re always ‘girl hunting’” I mutter, still a bit shocked

“I only do that because I think you don’t like me back”

“I thought I was pretty clear about my feelings too” 

“Not really” he mutters but I choose to ignore it

“Let’s talk about this at my dorm, the cabs coming” I say still in a tiny bit of shock

“I wanna talk about this us now though” 

“Fine”

“So, are we like a couple now?” I question

“I hope we are” he smiles at me

“Let’s talk more when you are sober ok?”

“I’m sobering up though” he pouts at me

“Barely.”

*****

The end? (I might make a part 2 when theyre like a couple idk or the next morning, yall decide)

[mydarllinglover]

SafeHouse || Third Year - One

Masterlist

September 1st 1993

"Oh my darling girl, I've only just got you back after four years and now you're going again, I've missed my baby" My mother, Molly Weasley, sobbed whilst she squeezed me in a bone crushing embrace.

"Mum! We're gonna miss the train" My Twin Brother, Ron Whined.

"Oh Hush Ronald, even if you did, its not like that would stop you from getting to Hogwarts" Mum glared at Ron as I stepped out of her embrace and she gave another hug to the other Twins, most likely threatening them if they misbehaved.

I snorted a laugh, remembering what Ginny told me about Ron and Harry's joyride in Dads car last year, but that was the best part as she caught me up of the events that occurred, I could only imagine how much that would've affected my little sister.

Ron shot a glare at me in a way of saying "you better shut up or I'll make sure you wont be able to find any of your class's"

"Ronald, you better look after Keira and help her, you should remember how hard it was for you on your first day at Hogwarts" Mum lectured Ron as Harry walked back over to us after having a chat about Merlin knows what with Dad, probably muggle related.

"Yes Mum, I know, but we really have to go!" my twin pouted, again.

"It's okay Mrs Wealsey, she has Harry and I to help her out as well" Hermione smiled as she gently nudged my side.

"Yes of course, off you go all of you and have a wonderful time, and behave!" Mum waved us off as we gathered up our luggage and made our way onto the Hogwarts Express.

"Wait! Ron! Don't forget Scabbers!" Mum called as she reached up with Scabbers held in her hands.

Ron reached through an open window to grab him from Mum, We then waved and shouted out goodbyes as the Train departed.

Percy was the first to leave us as he made his way to the Head Boy and Girl compartment. Then Ginny as she spotted some of her friends in her year and it was just Fred, George, Hermione, Ron, Harry and I.

Fred and George helped Carry some of my luggage as they were winking at some of the girls in their year, making a right show out of it as if they were big strong men, which they are not.

"Guys, come on, lets go find an empty Compartment" Ron nodded at us as he walked down the corridor full of students.

Fred and George had already left with their friend lee Jordan, when we eventually found a compartment at the end of the train, there was a man sat inside, he looked to be sleeping as he lent his head on the window, I noticed how his clothes were shabby wizard robes, he had scars on his face and light brown hair with specks of grey.

"Who'd you reckon he is?" Ron hissed as we sat down and Harry slid the door shut, Ron, Harry and I squashed up on the opposite seat, Ron making me sit at the window so he didn't have to sit right opposite the man, as Hermione took the other side, making sure to sit farthest from the window

"Professor R.J. Lupin" Hermione whispered.

"How'd you know that?"

"Its on his case dumb arse" I sighed as I smacked Ron across the head and pointed at the mans luggage.

"Ouch" Ron rubbed his head as he glared at me "wonder what he teaches"

"that's obvious" whispered Hermione "theres only one vacancy isn't there? defence against the dark arts"

"Oh yeah, Mums crush was the last one, wasn't he?" I joked "can't believe he obliviated himself like an idiot"

"well I hope he's up to it" said Ron. "He looks like one good hex would finish him off, doesnt he?"

"Don't be so rude, you don't look like you could handle much either" I said to him.

"Anyway ...what were you going to tell us?" Ron said to Harry, his back facing me.

Harry glanced at me before looking back at Ron and Hermione

"Sorry, do you want me to leave or something?" I asked him, feeling quite awkward

"Oh- n-no, its fine" He blushed.

He then went into detail about Mum and Dad's fight and what Dad had told him.

How bloody important was this kid? From what I've heard something has put his life at risk every year, was he made out of gold?

"Sirius Black escaped to come after you? Oh, Harry ... You'll have to be really, really careful. Don't go looking for trouble, Harry"

"I don't go looking for trouble, trouble usually finds me."

"How poetic." I said

"How thick would Harry have to be, to go looking for a nutter who wants to kill him?"

Well four for four, right?

"No one knows how he got out of Azkaban, No one's ever done it before. And he was a top-security prisoner, too."

"But they'll catch him, won't they? I mean, They've got all the Muggles looking out for him, too ..."

"I mean, Muggles hasn't exactly stopped him before" I thought out loud.

"Whats that noise?" Ron said

"your brain working perhaps? maybe its overheating" I said "Ow, I'm joking, wait I hear it too"

There was a faint whistle noise somewhere in the compartment.

"Its coming from your trunk, Harry" Ron told him. Standing up and Reaching into the luggage rack.

"Oh, I forgot you bought that" Ron had Pulled out the Pocket Sneakascope from Harry's Robes.

"Is that a Sneakascope?" Hermione asked

"Yeah ... mind you, it's a very cheap one,  It went hay-wire just as I was tying it to Errols leg to send it to Harry"

"I always knew there was something off with that Bloody pigeon, hes very suspicious"

"Were you doing anything untrustworthy at the time?"

"No!-"

"Mum said he couldn't use Errol because he doesn't do well on long journeys"

"How else was I supposed to get Harry's present to him?"

"Could've just waited until you saw him next, instead of putting Errol at risk"

"You just said there was something suspicious about him, and called him a pigeon"

"That literally proves nothing, what is your point?" I asked him

"Stick it back in the trunk, Or it'll wake him up" Harry said, pointing towards Lupin.

"We could get it checked in Hogsmeade" Ron said, sitting back down "They sell that sort of thing in Dervish and Banges, Magical instruments and stuff, Fred and George told me"

"Do you know much about Hogsmeade? I've read it's the only entirely non-muggle settlement in Britain-

"Yeah I think it is" Ron cut Hermione off

"Hey! don't be so rude" I told him off.

The three of them talked about the history of Hogsmeade, Honeydukes and how Harry can't go because of the stupid Dursleys. I zoned out until Ron had a fight with Crookshanks.

                                   •

We were all enjoying food from the trolley when our compartment door slid open once again.

Three boys occupied the space, the platinum blond with the side parting was clearly in charge as he stood in front of the two meaty boys, if I was being honest he seemed really handsome, but by the change of vibe in the atmosphere I could guess they were not friends of my brother and his friends, I looked up at them curiously as the blond boy sneered at Harry

"well look who it is" the boy said in a lazy drawl "potty and the weasel" his body guards chuckled like a pair of trolls, I could already tell I was going to hate this trio.

"I heard your father finally got his hands on some gold this summer, Weasley," he laughed again "Did your mother die of shock?"

My twin shot up like a rocket, resulting in him knocking Crookshanks basket to the floor.

Professor lupin gave a snort and we all snapped our heads to look at him

"who's that?" The blond asked as he took a step back

"New teacher" Harry said as I got to my feet in case I had to hold Ron back

"and who's that?" he asked again as his eyes landed on me

"I could ask you the same thing" I told him, still confused why he was here as it was apparent no one liked one another

"Malfoy, Draco Malfoy" he introduced himself "and now you"

"none of your business Malfoy, piss off" Ron spat at him causing me to grab his upper arms to hold him back and Harry standing to help me.

"Bond, James Bond" I said, which made Harry and Hermione chuckle, clearly getting the muggle reference from a set of books. But the others just stared at me in confusion

"your parents named you James bond? isn't that a boys name?" Malfoy asked, scrunching his face up as if he could smell something terrible.

"No you idiot" I deadpanned. 

Lupin made another noise

"whatever freak, C'mon" he muttered resentfully to his friends

"whats his problem?" I asked as we took our seats again

"Keira, He's a Malfoy, they're all the same, arrogant bastards" Ron glared and Massaged his knuckles "I'm not going to take any rubbish from Malfoy this year," he said angrily. "I mean it. If he makes one more crack about our family, I'm going to get hold of his head and-

"Ron," Hermione hissed at him.

                                   •

"We must be nearly there" Ron said, leaning on me to look out the window

"Get off!" I pushed him, the words barely left my mouth as the train started to slow down

"Brilliant" my brother cheered "I'm starving, I want to go to the feast"

"your always starving" I rolled my eyes

"Like you can talk much" he said

"we cant be there yet" Hermione furrowed her eyebrows "so why're we stopping?"

call it pathetic fallacy if you will but as the train got slower the rain and wind got louder and heavier. The temperature dropped to minus numbers and it got terribly icy.

Harry, being closest to the door, peered his head out, me and Ron leaning out to look down the corridor to see other heads poking out the compartments.

The train came to a halt and the luggage fell of the racks, something thing landing on me and Ron, the lamps and all source of light went next

"whats going on?" Ron asked from behind Harry

"ouch!" Hermione gasped "Ronald! that was my foot!"

Harry moved out of the way to sit down "do you think we've broken down?"

"dunno"

"i'm gonna go look, maybe find the trolley witch and ask whats going on" I told them as I stepped past Ron, halfway out of the door

"Be careful alright, come back soon" My Older brother by nine minutes told me.

"you worry too much" I shook my head as I felt around the corridor and reached into my pocket to pull out my wand and whispering Lumos, a small ball of light illuminating on the top of my wand, but anything was better than nothing.

something walked into me causing me to take a step back

"ouch, sorry" a boys voice spoke out

"its alright" I smiled at him and shone my light so I could see his face then stepped past him as I continued down the corridor, what didn't help was that I was in the dark and I had no idea who anyone was, I couldn't even spot; Ginny, Fred & George or even Percy.

Brilliant thinking, Keira!

I continued down the corridor until suddenly someone grabbed a hold of my wrist and yanked me into an empty compartment.

Hey no fair, where was this when we were looking for one earlier?!

I yelped in pain and shock as whoever the person was slammed shut the compartment door "hey what the hell-

"shut up!" a voice whispered as a hand was clamped over my mouth and my eyes went wide.

"now you don't look like a first year, and I would be confused why you would be associating yourself with, weaselbee, Mudblood and Saint Potter" I could tell by his voice this was the boy I met recently. Malfoy "so i'm going to ask you again, who are you?" he took the hand off my mouth but kept a firm hold on my wrists.

"whats it to you? I dont even know you" I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion

"because, if Potters got a new member of his little trio of hero's I want to know why a new student is joining Hogwarts to be there" he told me

"who I am and why i'm here, is none of your business or concern so just-

"Potters fainted!" I was interrupted as kids in the corridor started shouting as the lights turned back on and the train started moving once again.

I shoved Malfoy out of the way so I could go see what had happened.

Little did I know Malfoy was actually following me.

I pushed past the other kids to reach my compartment door and slid it open.

Walking in, I saw Harry lying on the floor and Ron & Hermione sat on either side of him, the boy who bumped into me on my way out earlier, Ginny and Professor Lupin

"What happened?!" I gasped

"Harry passed- Whats he doing here" Ron snapped ,when he looked up from Harry to see Malfoy stood Very close behind me

"what? I dont know, Malfoy piss off will you" I turned to look up at him, fuck Ron for getting all the height

"oh Merlin, Potter fainting, this is amazing" he laughed, looking down at Harry one last time, I assume getting mental pictures, then he brought his silver eyes up to lock on my blue ones it was like I was frozen in place and his stare was the only thing I could think o-

"buh bye Malfoy! horrible seeing you, make sure to not see us for a awful long time" my brother interrupted as he grabbed my upper arm and pulled me more into the compartment, sliding the door shut. "stay away from him, I mean it Keira!" he pointed a finger in my face

"piss off Ron, I will, hes a self centred prick" I ripped my arm out of his grip and sat next to the boy "Keira Weasley" i stretched my hand out to him

"W-Weasley? you and Ron are related?"

"Yeah, she's my little sister" Ron shrugged as he sat down next to Harry again.

"by nine minutes" I said, glaring at the back of his head, then faced the boy again "but yeah, we're twins, I transferred here from beaubaxtons

"oh, okay, hi, im Neville Longbottom" he shook my hand

I looked over to the corner to see my little sister shivering and letting out sobs, Hermione and I made our way over to sit with her and comfort her to make sure she was okay.

•

We arrived at Hogwarts ten minutes after. Apparently everyone in our compartment were Gryffindor, and were all expecting me to as well as they observed my black robes, no pressure.

"Of course she's going to be in Gryffindor, Keira's a Weasley after all" Ron told our friends, slinging an arm around my shoulders as we walked to the carriages.

"You're a Weasley?!" Ron and I turned around to see who shouted that, just to see Malfoy stood there with his jaw on the floor gaping at us like a goldfish

"Yes" I said in more than a question "Isn't that obvious" I said, pointing at my bright red hair.

"what how?!" His eyebrows shot up

"she's my twin sister" Ron spat at him "piss off Malfoy" then he turned us around and continued walking off.

                                 •

"Uh, so I have to walk in after the first years to be sorted? why cant i just do it in private, not in front of the whole school?!" I gaped at Professor McGonagall

"Its tradition" she deadpanned "now off we go, I think they're ready for you" she all but pushed me through the Great Hall doors, it felt like all heads were turning around to look at me, maybe it was just nerves, hopefully it was just nerves.

"ah yes, our final student to sort for the night, transferred from Beauxbatons Academy. Weasley, Keira" announced McGonagall.

I turned around to look at McGonagall who was just talking to me.

In confusion I walked up to the stool and sat down, gulping as all eyes were on me, some whispering about who I

was, why there was another Weasley and some jokes along it.

I tried to drown it out and looked over to where all my brothers and my sister was sat as they smiled up at me in encouragement.

McGonagall placed the hat on top of my head, it quickly falling down past my eyes.

I took deep breathes as the Hat spoke "Another Weasley, mhm, it should be Gryffindor, But, you're different, your ambitious, yet courageous, witty and loyal, determined and creative, cunning but kind. Well well well, it ought to be SLYTHERIN!" the hat announced.

I sat there in shock as my eyes went wide, I was the first and only weasley in slytherin, Gryffindor erupted in cheers until they had heard what the hat had actually said and they all froze, especially my siblings, everyone looked confused and surprised.

I took the hat off my head and placed it on the stool, with legs like lead I slowly and carefully made my way down to the Green table with all eyes still on me. Sitting myself down the furthest from everyone.

Professor Dumbledore gave a speech but I didn't hear a word as I kept my eyes on a loose thread on the table, hearing the whispers and mentions of being a blood traitor and that I didn't belong here.

It was a while after everyone was eating and I could still feel Malfoy and his friends eyes on me, when I felt a hand grab my upper arm and all but drag me out from the table and to the doors of the great hall, It was Ron, with Harry and Hermione in tow, we were in an empty corridor when he finally let go

"Ron what the hell?!" I snapped at him

"Slytherin?!" he barked

"what was i supposed to do?! I didn't ask for that!"

"You could of said no! Harry did" he pointed at Harry

"hey leave me out of this" he put his hands up in surrender making us both glare at him "wow you really are twins" he mumbled

"Keira you cant be a slytherin, You're a Weasley, we're not Slytherins!"

"well maybe im not like you Ronald!"

"you're gonna turn out just like them, their all evil-

"Ron!" Hermione warned him

"not a single one of them are good, and your going to be the same"

"Ron" I gasped, hurt visible on my face

"whatever Keira be careful" he turned back to the hall and shook his head.

Harry and Hermione both looked at me with sympathetic faces, then walked off to follow my brother.

I stared at the spot he stood for a while thinking about what Ron had just said.

I didn't have the energy to go back in the Great Hall, my first day at Hogwarts turned out to be horrible.

I wondered around the castle for a good few hours as I tried to find anything that would give me a sign as to where the slytherin common rooms were to find my dorm.

I should of took Hermione up on her offer of giving me a tour and quiz. I was sure I was going up completely the wrong way as I walked up to where I guessed the astronomy tower was as I found myself on a balcony at the top of the castle.

It was beautiful, and peaceful. I gave up on ever finding where I would have to go and decided to lie down, staring up at the stars.

                                      •

"What are you doing?" A voice startled me, causing me to sit up and look at the person, Malfoy.

"Lost" I said as I lay back down

"so why are you here?" he sat down next to me

"were you following me?" I looked up at him with a raised brow

"no"

"is it true?" I asked him

"whats true?"

"is everyone in slytherin a bad person, will I turn out to be a bad person?"

we sat there in silence, neither of us saying a word, until Malfoy stood up and reached his hand out for me "come on"

"what?"

"its past curfew, we have got to go to our dorms" he told me "before Filch the caretaker, and a squib, catch's us."

"Oh, okay"

He led me to the dungeons and to the entrance of our common room as he muttered a password.

"Salazar"

we walked in and he steered me up to where the dorms were, pointing at a specific door.

"Look for the empty bed, that is most likely yours, Good Luck Weasley". he said before entering the door opposite the Girls dormitories, I'm guessing thats the boys.

Next

[thetonethetollandthethunder]

Scythe chapter 16-20!!

Ayy we’re backk!! Let’s just get started shall we?

Chapter 16!!

-oh god the elegy—

-“Could you imagine me as a teenager?” OH YES I CAN OHOHO

-This also shows how much power scythes and especially Goddard has

-And also shows how bad of a scythe Goddard is as well

-Scythe Curie makes a good point that also relates to the toll, in which it doesn’t matter if they kill Goddard or anyone like him because another with the same ideology will always come along without fail

-this chapter didn’t have much but it IS good so ykyk

Chapter 17!!

-OHHH ITS THE MOMENT THAT EVERYONE LOSES THEIR MINDS OVER!! SCYTHE FARADAY IS D-D-DEAD or is he? :) :)

-Rowan instinctively trying to protect Citra!!!

-it makes sense for most disabilities to be nonexistent but that doesn’t mean I have to like it :/ like idk why the way it’s done is just :// especially as a disabled person myself

-The way the describe Faraday’d death is already suspicious if you already know he isn’t dead but when you’re first reading it, it does make sense!

-OH AND THE SEPARATE TRAININGS BEGINS!!!

-“If I ever take on an apprentice it will be for a different reason entirely.” OHOHO I KNOW I KNOWWWW

-Again not much to say BUT still rlly good!!

Chapter 18!!!

-Part 3 begins!!

-SCYTHE CURIE!!

-Again I always forget the names of these places, falling water is a very pretty name!!

-Citra being angry about Faraday’s death OUGH, she’s rlly going through 5 stages of grieve style

-Could you imagine ppl in the future calling our decor and shit old fashioned? Bizarre

-I love how they make Curie instantly charming and likable with only a few scenes, good writing man!!

-What hobbies would other scythes have? I wonder…

-Fun fact, i cannot drive, tried to learn and crashed the car, oh how I wish driving wasn’t necessary like in scythe

-Giving us little notes about the comfort scythes can give

-We hear a lot about being stagnant in the Scythe universe, and like, yeah, if you were in this utopia wouldn’t you grow stagnant even quicker than most? You have nothing to do literally

-You can really feel how observant Curie is, she noticed the small details

-Jesus even Curie’s yelling scared ME and I already knew what was gonna happen! She’s rlly intimidating—

-Gotta uphold your image!!

-“Another Scythe might have exacted a punishment far worse.” *COUGH COUGH GODDARD*

-Again shit names!! Barton Breen??? What??

-20 kids,, Jesus,,

-You can Curie’s own version of compassion, it’s different from Faradays yet still wonderful

-She did find her own way of gleaning!!

-Again FUCK Goddard!!

-I do wonder what would happen if Citra was trained by Goddard instead of Rowan…

-“Immortality has turned us all into cartoons.” GOD THAT LINEE

-Amazing chapter!! Told a LOT abt Curie!!!

CHAPTER 19!!!!

-Oo!! I thought this moment happened in Thunderhead but I misremembered!!

-Tho I THINK something similar happens??? Idk maybe my memory is fuckin with me ushejdj

-ALSO DAMN CITRA!! Pushin girls in front of TRUCKS holy fuck!!!

-Hate the eating descriptions!!

-TELL THE MOTHER YOU TWO!!! LIKE CMON??

-Cindy lmaoo, whenever someone whitewashes Citra im gonna call it Cindy instead <3 spite

-“err on the side of respect.” LMAO love that line

-RONDA ROADKILL IM DYINGGGGGG and so did she! (Temporarily but yk)

-“Can i throw you under a truck some other time?” She’s a busy person! I’d totally throw Citra under a truck! Would be fun!

-Morals change when theres little consequences, Citra would never even CONSIDER pushing Ronda in the mortal age, but since people can just come back it doesn’t seem like such a bad thing, it also shows how the concept of empathy and morality has changed in this society

-“the cloud” like icloud! Guess apple won in this world!

-“The machine had a purer soul than any human” NO IT DOESNT IVE SEEN AI ART YOU CANT FOOL ME!!!

-FUCK YOU SCYTHE GODDARD!!!

-OO TIME FOR CITRA TO INVESTIGATE!! I remember LOVING this plot so!!!!

Chapter 20!!

-Rowan finally!!! I missed you!!!!!

-He doesn’t wanna kill Citra!!! The beginning of his devotion to her UGHHH

-god hes only 17, I think we forgot how young these characters are, they really are just kids being pushed into this horrible situation god,,,

-“His was a life without substance, and now it would end.” God and here we see Rowan’s iconic self deprecating “emo” moments, people make fun of these scenes a lot but I fucking love em, it really contrasts Rowan and Citra. Citra has people who love and care about her, Rowan doesn’t, he knows that (in this moment) if he died no one would really care or remember him, so when he finds Citra, someone who does care about him and would care if he died, he clings to it. I mean when you’re that neglected and want SOMEONE to care even a little about you, wouldn’t you do the same thing?

-He already wants to change things!! And he will!! He will change a lot, though not as much as his girlfriend!!

-VOLTA!!

-“So is there a reason why you choose your robes to be the color of piss?” HA one of my favorite lines!!

-“the Change” god their ideology—, the fact they’re all thinking that they’re changing things for the better really shows how convincing of a man Goddard is, GOD i hate him!!!

-Ans here we have Goddard’s MANY parties

-my sensory issues would hate this

-I accidentally spelled Goddard’s name as Goodard which…Isn’t that so Ironic?

-“Bimbotech” Neal I’m BEGGING you to stop

-“Rowan wondered if the man had a diamond-studded bathing suit in his waredrobe as well.” He would because he’s a vain prick!!

-HES UNDERAGE STOP GIVING HIM ALCOHOL!! *Looking at you RAND especially ya creep—*

-“He was lucky if they even remembered to get him a gift” rowans parents man,,, He was really fucking neglected man it’s so awful, and the fact he still cares about them despite that GODDD

-See how goddard bend the rules? See how he twists them to make them fit what HE wants? Yeah, he’s gonna do that a lot; again, fuck you Goddard

-ESME!!! Shes backk!! And he’s right! She’ll be important!!

-GOD this is a good chapter, rowan my beloved!!

And that’s it!!! Next time will be chapters 21-25!! We’re going so fast aren’t we?

[hexcryingwolf]

ohhh, nooo. mm no. nuh uh. no no no you fucking cunt i am NOT letting this one slide. how FUCKING dare you say this. i know every other thing you say is a lie but this is fucking inexcusable.

you do not fucking “act to save lives”, you have actively ignored or blatantly suicide baited MULTIPLE people and i have the fucking logs to prove it

i stayed in the flora community after the april 2018 fallout because i cared about and believed that the people there were being honest. obviously that was a fucking lie and i wish i had bailed when the truth about the zoo shit came to light but i didnt, and it nearly killed me. i was having almost daily panic attacks in that community, and i will always own that i am responsible for how i acted and hurt people, being under constant duress doesnt make it not my fault. i left. i shouldve stayed away. i came back. left. came back. multiple times. it was a cycle. it was how id hide when things got too scary. my reaction to what was happening in there was to run away but i kept fighting that instinct. but then i left for good, and that comes down to one specific incident. i only have a few of the logs, hopefully theyre enough. early may, 2019. theres a member of the server, S, who for a long time was struggling with their health in the face of the american health care system. i dont know the details but they were sick. enough that they had resigned themself to the idea that they would die soon so one day, theyre in the vent channel talking about that. this is where im missing logs, i dont remember what prompted it or what exactly was said, but the talk turned from hopeless to suicidal, and i was there, and i was scared being in this community exacerbated suicidal ideation i had always struggled with to a dangerous degree. not all of it was necessarily a direct result of things that happened in there, but the rapid decay of my self esteem was making life difficult in general. self loathing, self harming, multiple calls to hotlines, and a trip to the hospital on one occasion. so the feelings S was expressing, i felt i understood. and it scared me so fucking badly. i didnt want them to die. we were friendly but not super close, but i didnt want them to die. i wanted to help them, to do something it got worse, when another member, B, popped in and kinda made light of the situation. i dont remember exactly what they said, but i got upset at them for whatever it was, then they revealed that they were suicidal as well. i think both S and B left the server at this point

i was a fucking wreck. i didnt know what to do. i think this mightve been the incident that set me off so badly irl was was having a full blown panic attack and my mom tried to take my phone from me but i refused and it was so fucking bad. i was terrified

so i pinged the mods

first mod to respond, shikka, sees the members left the server and says something to the tune of “oh thats a shame”. just. barely a reaction. when i calm down later i try to express why that bothered me so much. no one else in the server was upset to a degree i felt was warranted. i think someone even said to not intervene, to “respect their wishes” (going over these logs again i think it was shikka who said it)

we were always encouraged to dig to the root of feelings in this way, but in retrospect “people are talking about dying and i am upset that im the only one reacting to it” shouldve been reason enough. i mustve made some comment along the lines of “if it was me, would i be ignored to?” judging by the logs i do have. but i was frantic, and i left the server. i didnt think at the time it would be the second-to-last time id ever leave.

later or maybe the next day, i go back to the server. im kept in welcome chat at first because glip didnt want me to go in and yell at people like i had earlier. they were willing to just let me back in, but i wanted to talk about it. seeing others’ suicidal ideation be treated like no big deal was scary because i was also suicidal and i was afraid if i ever did something that no one would try to help me

i dont think thats an unreasonable reaction, honestly? its self centered but i think its also valid and understandable

i guess glip disagreed

people in crisis may not ask for help. i understood that, because id been there. the idea that we should only help when asked? that is so incredibly scary. terrifying. and lets remember, glip said

bullshit.

i babble about how we werent close, i was really fucking scrambled by this question honestly. because i knew exactly what glip was implying: im not close enough with this person to intervene.

bitch i would and i have talked to complete and utter strangers expressing suicidal ideation. its what any decent fucking person would do.

but moving on.

i get where theyre coming from in my selfish feelings over this. two people are potentially in crisis and my panic attack isnt helping. i get it.

but is it really so unreasonable that i react to seeing the bad ending to a situation i truly felt i might someday find myself in? is it really so unreasonable that id be scared about what that could mean for me?

put a pin in that last thing glip said, its gonna be important

just reading this now makes me feel lightheaded. why is it wrong to feel guilty that you werent able to help someone in crisis? i dont think it is. i think its just a sign that you have basic human empathy but what do i know.

ok, i think i get what youre saying about how you “act with saving lives in mind” glip. you didnt act in this specific situation, and the way you phrase that absolves you of any responsibility for your inaction.

two people, in a server YOU administrated, were expressing suicidal ideation

but as long as you do nothing, you can just ignore that.

no comment.

so eventually im just so beaten down i accept that, as a suicidal person, i was the bad guy for panicking when i was triggered by what looked to me to be active suicidal intent.

i dont even know what else to say. its just making me lightheaded again reading it.

god. i agree that its shitty to make another person’s crisis about myself but. i dont think it was unreasonable that i was triggered. i dont think it was unreasonable to see a familiar situation and think “what about me?” it dont think its wrong to be selfish in that way. i know my actions in the moment of said crisis were definitely wrong, but i dont think my feelings were.

i am sorry for making a chaotic situation worse with my feelings, but i do not apologize for my feelings.

but every. little. thing. that they dont like? makes you the bad guy

glip. hey glip? you not choosing to disengage when you didnt want to talk to me WAS NOT MY FUCKING FAULT. you letting me be a part of your community when all i did was cause you grief WAS NOT MY FUCKING FAULT. you not being able to enforce your own boundaries WAS NOT MY FUCKING FAULT.

like. i dont even know how to articulate how fucked up this is. am i missing something? is this not bat-shit insanity?

they just, straight-up, cannot take accountability for anything.

as a side note, when this convo was happening i was voice chatting+screen sharing with my then-boyfriend now-husband. i asked him just now and he doesnt remember what exactly was said, but he could hear how much it shook me up, and how i was crying by the end of it. im so thankful he was there with me.

anyway, im let back into the server and on stage glip starts making the first call-clout comic. i end up getting upset (thats an entirely story on its own) and leave for the very last time. i still try to maintain my connections, i still think at this point that ill be part of the community again if i just work hard enough, but within a year just about all ties are cut. good riddance.

so, yeah, to the original point about how glip claims to only act with saving lives in mind? bullshit. i dont know what happened with S, but B and i are still friends to this day. unfortunately for you, glip, because that means i know that my assumption that you all didnt care

was correct

you didnt do shit. no one did. even shikka, who was a mod and someone who B (at least at the time and afaik) considered a friend

did shit all.

which is a real sneaky way for you to get away with saying

because not acting at all means you can just wash your hands of it

but on the other hand

sometimes

you do act

you do something like

make a 700 page vn about one specific person that culminates in

hey

hey glip?

do you know what this is?

this is suicide baiting.

yanno i was accused of suicide baiting once because someone was upsetting me and i said something like “how would you feel if you found out i killed myself because of this” which WAS A SUPER SHITTY THING OF ME TO SAY, i will never deny that. but that aint suicide baiting. you guys really liked to twist definitions in your favour.

because you know what is suicide baiting?

telling someone that their life has no value. telling them that they mean nothing to their friends and family by saying nothing of value would be lost if they were to die. saying their death would be of no consequence.

because they were kinda pushy about wanting to talk about how a particular story on your site upset them.

that action meant that, as a human being, they had no value.

so when you say

i have a hard time believing it.