#these community labels have to go

[satorubi]

i have a feeling some of the people on tumblr don’t look at the content warnings before reading. there should be no reason why somebody is in my inbox complaining that i didn’t make it clear that toji and reader had an age gap in my last fic. it’s literally the first thing you see.

[mysteriosuke]

actually it’s not okay to “warn” people of users who are ultimately just making content and not explicitly harassing people in the form of a completely public post. talk about it amongst your close friends or just block them instead.

whether you mean to or not, the result of this will be an influx of death threats among other things to the person you’re “just warning” about. especially when you have a large following of people who genuinely think it’s okay to harass others. even if you tell people not to harass them. it will happen. you’re not as mature as you think you are by calling a callout post a “warning post”.

the actual thing you should do, is block them, and move on with your life.

there are a lot of things i see on this site that disgust me to no end, but i am mature, and i block them. what’s your special little excuse?

and buddy, let me tell you. the warnings and death threats to people who aren’t actually hurting anyone… are NOT “protecting” as many people as you think they are. i would know. i speak from experience.

[dykefaggotry]

half this website really is like

gender is fake! tear down the gender binary! identify as anything you want!! it's a social construct!

........sexuality, on the other hand.... now THAT'S immutable, ancient, and sacred. these definitions are set in stone and real and everyone must follow them exactly or you are being xyz-phobic. what do you mean we're still just enforcing the gender binary. no no THIS time the gender essentialism is true and good and anything else is gross :/

[sheepstiel]

post rescue kissy time

(click for better quality, full version here)

[gnometa233]

"Trans men and lesbians can date!!" "Trans men and straight men can date!!" "Lesbian includes attraction to men!!!" "Labels mean nothing just use what you want!!!" what if I threw a rock at you.

[chrollohearttags]

not even to wake up in a haterrific mood on such a beautiful morning but I feel like I gotta say something. Especially when I’ve been seeing a multitude of posts critiquing black writers and seeing so many of amazing moots leave. (and reminder that the anon button is OFF so you will argue with the wall or get that ass cussed out publicly, your choice. And if you feel brave enough to come to my DM’s, I got something there for you too 🤗 so feel free) but I am so so so SICK of seeing these very unnecessary and annoying standards being placed on black writers. I’ve said this once and I’ll say it again that the goalpost keeps moving for us. It went from the toxic, plug, sneaky link, etc fics are harmful and damaging to us as black women to now I’ve had the displeasure of seeing that modern AU’s in general are problematic and we should write more canon AOT stories (I wish I was making this up). Don’t know about you but I want no parts of that depression fest. Especially because the ONE black person was basically observed like some type of mystical being. I’ll pass on the whole ‘why does your hair feel like that’ and a handmade’s mammy tale of tending to a war criminal’s wounds in a jail cell. Regardless, all of this is rooted in a respectability and projection issue. Because as I’ve said before, none of these critiques started until the TikTok girls started publicly bashing black writers and using them as a ploy to get views because doing it to other groups who write the SAME tropes with a “digestible” packaging would’ve gotten them backlash. So as does everyone on this hellscape of a planet, they use black women as a punching bag and laughing stock to garner engagement. Now you’ve got an influx of people regurgitating these same things and making others feel bad for what they write. I’ll be honest, a lot of these tropes/stories that I see, they’re not exactly my niche, mainly because I don’t smoke, I don’t do parties and stuff like that so I can’t resonate with it (don’t come at me, I got asthma and social anxiety, bitch 😭) but that doesn’t make me love/wanna read them any less. I love seeing different perspectives and being in another set of shoes for a while. There’s nothing wrong with that because as long as black women/enbies are happy and confident in what they write and it’s not causing harm, I’m going to support ten toes down because we need representation, we need that community and I’ll be damned if I turn my nose up in the air at anyone just trying to express their creativity. What I WON’T support is a bunch of hateful, nasty spirited shrews parading around in clean girl cosplay and bashing others to be seen as acceptable and ‘one of the good ones.’ Not liking smut doesn’t make you a better reader/writer, not liking modern AU’s and ‘overused’ tropes doesn’t make you some prophetic, divine person and sitting up in anons and on the dash, reporting fics because YOU personally don’t like them doesn’t make you superior. And running everyone else off of here won’t make your writing any better. What does it make you is a loser, a cornball ass bitch and a lazy bum. Because the energy you exert into being haters, you can simply open a Google doc or draft on here and write what fulfills you. Be the change you want to see in the world or whatever they say. Also, a lot of us ARE writing these very scenarios you all are claiming you want to see. We can also see the notes count in comparison to the ones being deemed so horrible so again? You as the consumer determine what’s popular and not. We’re only going to write what’s going to be seen. Anyways, black women/femmes/enbies, I love you. I love your stories, I love your portrayals of our favorite characters whether they’re a drug dealer or a doctor, I love seeing y’all on my dash and I hope that you continue to grow in your writing journeys. I hope that you write what brings you joy and block out all the bullshit. Stay safe and have a wonderful weekend! 🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾

[princessefemmelesbian]

Well would you look at this. 😵‍💫 Because obviously if you dare say anything as wild and controversial as “lesbians don’t like men, please stop using a label that hurts us and tries to force men into our identity” you’re a raging terf radfem transmisogynist. Because obviously ONLY trans women use the bi lesbian label and it’s not like there are transfem lesbians who are rightfully against the label as well or anything and it’s not like terfs use the label to refer to cis lesbians who date trans women and why can’t you just let people identify as how they want of course lesbians like men stop the infighting already if you disagree with me that lesbians can like men then surely that’s because you’re an exclusionist gatekeeper who hates trans women.

[skrunksthatwunk]

you go to a lesbian blog and find it says women only!! no men allowed!!! and go oh! excuse me, um, what about other lesbians? plenty of lesbians are genderqueer... and they go well, okay, go fuck yourself tim chop off your sweaty dick and stop calling yourself a lesbian. you do not have a dick, actually. you think about that fact often, even though it does you no good. you do not tell this person that.

you go to another lesbian blog and it says women only and you try again, and this time they change it to wlw + nblw only (non-men who love non-men :D). and you'll say hey i appreciate that but gender's not really that cut and dry for a lot of people. someone could be both a man and nonbinary, for instance. i just worry that you're looking at nonbinary as a generic third gender, or an extension of womanhood. i mean yeah you include nblw in your tags but all your posts are about pussy-havers exclusively. what's with that? and they say go fuck yourself you pervy man pretending to be a lesbian. you tried to sneak in but i won't let you.

so you go to a lesbian blog with a dozen or so posts about queer people needing to be more weird about it and you sigh in relief. but you still see the men dni. that's odd. hoping for the best, you say hey! i know you mean well but please maybe don't put men dni at the end of the lovely posts on your lesbian blog bc some lesbians are men. and they'll be like ok!! well you're allowed ;) and you say no that's not. no. some men are lesbians not just me. you think about your own dicklessness and wonder if that's why you were given entry. and you add that even if male lesbians are allowed, there's no indication of that. how would anyone know without asking? and they're like ohh gotcha gotcha well men dni + this is for sapphics only!! and you'll be like ok well that treats the concepts of men and sapphics as mutually exclusive identities and i just told you that's not true and you agreed with me so.. i don't think that solves our problem. and they're like. ok. fine. men dni but genderfluid and multigender people are allowed! and you're like no see that's. that's still the same thing.. you're saying the same thing just with different words. if you don't want men to interact but you're fine with multigender/genderfluid/etc ppl interacting then you either don't see them as Real Men (because they don't reach a standard of Full Manhood) or Complete Men (because they're only Part-Time Men), both of which suggest that they are, in some way, not men or less-than men, which is invalidating and defeats the point of the exception in the first place (accommodation) OR that you don't really mean the dni which is confusing and inconsistent and makes guydykes feel weird and uncomfortable and excluded from the lesbian space you're trying to cultivate. and they're like um. ok. so. cishet men dni? and you're like well i think that makes more sense, but what if someone identifies as both a cishet man and a sapphic? again, if we're trying to accommodate the genderfucky populace then that has to be a possibility that is considered. and they say god you people are never happy. what do you want me to do? what am i supposed to say to keep the right men out? and you pause. you empathize with the need for a space free from dudes trying to fuck you straight and feminine. dudes who watch lesbian porn and joke about what they'd do if they were allowed into girls locker rooms. who look at you like a piece of meat, and like someone who looks at women like pieces of meat in the same way he does. you get it. you know. you want a space where you can be sapphic, too. that's why you came to these blogs in the first place. you brace yourself and you say well i don't know that there are "right men" to keep out. i don't know that there's any single label that would accomplish whatever it is you're trying to accomplish. you could go for "sapphics only" or "queers only" and i think that might be the closest thing to what you want, but it's never going to be perfect. creating any exclusive space is going to shut out people you didn't account for, and the broader the label, the more people will be shut out that you didn't want to shut out. and what about people who don't know if they're allowed? what of questioning transbians, where are they supposed to go? and, frankly, i think i might rather my dykey posts get read and appreciated by a gay guy who sees me as a man than a woman who only sees me as a sacred womb, pure from male perversions or violence or whatever. i think community might just be more complex than a dni can handle. and they look at you and say i don't want to not have a dni. i think you're too permissive. you can't just "what about" or microlabel your way into everything. go fuck yourself, i bet you're not even a lesbian anyway. go find a real problem to get mad about.

you go to a lesbian blog. you ignore the men dni because you know you probably don't even count to them. or maybe you do count and, out of respect for your manhood, they'd shun you accordingly. you try to feel okay about that. you scroll past dozens of posts about mediocre men and gagging at straight friends' boyfriends and how gross and undeserving men are of the beautiful women they couple up with and how all women should be gay so they can get treated right and and and and and. you finally find a post about curling into someone you love and feeling at peace and try to lose yourself in it. you know that feeling is what unites you, what makes you belong. you try to focus on it. you think about carding your hands through a butch's hair or lacing fingers with a femme and feeling warm and loved and more yourself than you ever have before. like this is who you're meant to be. you read about lesboys and butch boytoys and genderfucky dykes and big hairy deep-voiced wonderful women (like you want to be someday, like you wish you could make yourself) and you try to ignore the men dni underneath each and every post. and you daydream about meeting someone kind and earnest at a lesbian bar even though you don't think any such bars exist within three states of you and you can't drink and don't want to drink because you need to be in control of yourself at all times so you don't fuck up like you're always about to and here in the nonexistent lesbian bar you feel wanted and safe and in good company. you picture your ideal, happiest self. it is a mistake. ideal-you has a goatee. not the mascara one you smear on and call drag even though you know it's not drag, not really, the beard you call drag because you think everyone would look at you sadly if you told them it was just to pretend you had something out of your reach. a beard that's soft and that you grew and that cannot be smudged away if you get too comfortable with it. the dream shatters. your people pull away from you, their scoffs mixing with the mind-numbing gay girl bedroom pop you learned to settle for just to have something that almost resembled you, they all pull away and turn their backs and do not look at you. you're too close to being a man now, even though you're the same amount of man as before. and they know you're not supposed to interact with men, not as you would with dykes, at least. and it sours. it's all your imagination, all in your head, but it sours.

you sigh. you think about how small you are. how short, how narrow, how feeble. how your voice pitches up when you talk to strangers because it's easier to speak quietly when it carries more, and because you're nervous. because it's a chore to talk, like everything is. you think about testosterone. you think about how your family would look at you, the questions they would ask, your answers they would only pretend to accept. the uncomfortable glances and whispered questions they'd try to hide from you. you think about how small you are, and how small you will always be. how you don't know of a way to fix it, but even if there was one, no one would want you anymore. you'd be the only one thinking it made you a cooler dyke. you think about how you don't even want a T-voice all the time, how you'll never be able to switch it at will, because you don't know how and can't bring yourself to figure it out. you think about how your throat closes around every hint of your own attraction. how wanting is perverse, how wanting is invasive, how wanting is embarrassing and too vulnerable so it must stay anonymous, as an online witness, and how you can barely manage to form or maintain friendships because your brain makes you pull away, always spinning out and struggling to recover from the simplest of interactions. how they'll all leave you and you won't chase after them at all and how that will hurt them. how stuck you get. how it looks like nothing's holding you back, how that frustrates everyone who thought you were going to be more than you were. the people you love who understand except when it comes to being ghosted, being shut out. how you don't want to hurt them. how you can't tell them that because you're stuck. how you turn to stone when touched, how you never reach out, how you lose your speech and can't look at people, how your autism is fun and sexy until it becomes real and you never see them anymore, how much you longed for someone who knew everything without you having to explain, and who loved you anyway. how unreasonable you know that is to expect of anyone. you think about that not-even-real lesbian bar. you think about how you still can't drive. how you can't leave your home on your own, without dragging somebody into helping you. how you can't leave your body. how you can't leave your manhood behind.

you think about finding another lesbian blog and ignoring everything. about skimming it for the parts you can juice some meaning from. the parts men ignore and don't understand, and how typical of you it is to do so. or the parts where you're not welcome and you should accept that, because it's for lesbians only. how you are a lesbian anyway. how you're meant to choose lesbian or man, how each is a betrayal of some kind to yourself or your people, your family, your lovely strangers, your rare friendly acquaintances. about the parts that tell you you're not wanted, that you're ugly and lazy and gross and insert yourself everywhere without even asking. about the parts that tell you you are hated, and how lesbians are above it all by rejecting men. how lesbians are each blessed miracles. about the parts that say you should be ashamed of being whatever twisted confused freak you are, of everything, of looking and wanting or not looking or not wanting, of picking and choosing instead of taking it all in with a smile. after all, shouldn't you take it? or is your ego too fragile, as men's so often are? aren't you tired? good. we're not here for your consumption. and we sure as hell don't want your company or "community" or whatever. didn't you read the sign? no boys allowed. and if you want to come in you have to make up your mind. as if you haven't told them the only answer you have. you're both. you're both.

you know you broke the rule by interacting.

but it gets lonely sometimes. you wonder if they know.

[aroaessidhe]

2023 reads

Wren Martin Ruins It All

YA contemporary romcom

student council president proposes to cut the school valentine’s dance because it's expensive and alienating for queer/single people, but instead the vice president (who he adamantly hates for being perfect) suggests they get sponsored by a popular friendship app

he decides to secretly give the app a go to “know his enemy” but ends up making a friend, and starts to catch feelings for him...and maybe realises the guy he hates isn't actually so bad either...

ace mlm MC, aro-questioning side character

I loved this so much! great MC with a funny internal monologue

despite the title most issues or misunderstanding are sorted out pretty quickly rather than drawn out for the drama and plot. which is refreshing

I was a little nervous about the concept of ‘ace hates the school dance and wants it shut down’ - there's a bit of a stereotype of aspecs being boring Fun Haters - but I think it did a really good job of showing the specifics of why, not dragging it out, and also that he’s just a snarky fun hater in general with not much weight behind it.

There’s also no discovering of sexuality or big coming out (just one-on-one) - he already knows he’s ace, and it comes up naturally a bunch, talking about how dances etc can feel isolating, the way the friendship app called buddy being called ace-friendly can feel infantilizing, avoiding dating because of the stress of having to check upfront if people about it, etc.

I would have liked to know more about his relationship with his mum? Though I understand that it’s clearly something he avoids thinking about - going too deep into his relationship with his parents might have changed the tone a lot. but still.

ARC from netgalley thanks netgalley

[stolasqueer]

please tell me you liked the noxiaqueer coining post on accident. Please tell me you don't support beastiality and all the other shit on that list.

Im going to be so honest you need to chill

I understand the concern, but honest to god it's just easier to look through my likes to find terms and stances

1 because this community mostly uses them to talk about their own or others stances and even with my memory, it's still hard to keep track of it all

2 I like making radhumans in my own time, no matter if I agree or disagree with the term

Here's me digitalizing my lsdqueer radhuman (no I can't explain why I made them so slutty)

I wanna put basedqueer, lsdqueer, noxiaqueer, alternatefreak, and XenoSatanist radhumans in a group like safequeer, lawsafe, and starsafe are :3

(also yes the shirt is TransLSDqueer, thank you for asking/silly)

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

have decided that I will not be reducing people to their current life phase, relationship status, religious affiliation, age, or any other exterior trapping. you are a person. I care about you. that's basically it. this is how I'm going to see the world from now on.

[stars-inthe-sky]

So, hey. How did you and your family celebrate Passover when you were a kid? How about now?

My Rhode Island aunt and uncle almost always hosted a big family Seder, and it was the absolute best. A good Seder is educational, food-filled, and legit fun—it's a ritual meal that includes storytelling, singing, prayers, and a general focus on including and teaching everyone involved, regardless of age or even whether attendees are Jewish. (If ever you're invited to a friend's Seder, go! Do not bring a challah, which my actually-bar-mitzvahed brother-in-law did once as an attempt at a thoughtful host gift. We still make fun of him.)

And my uncle (the same one who officiated at my wedding, and the wedding of my other sister) may well be the greatest host/leader there is; over the years he compiled from a medley of sources what added up to his own Haggadah (basically the guidebook to the Seder—there are a million published and informal versions working off the same template, with readings and activities and interpretations that can go kid-centric or feminist or traditional or whatever). It was always just insanely fun, and warm, and joyous, with incredible food and an increasing array of baked-in, just-us traditions.

Since I went to college basically down the street from their house, and then lived just an hour away in Boston for so long, that was pretty much the heart of my and my family's celebration most years—right up until Passover 2020, at which point the pandemic negated what had been plans to travel from our new home in Illinois for it, and they also downsized and had their own kids scatter geographically and gain very little ones, so that particular tradition is at best on hiatus now.

But there are fun Seders everywhere—well, the Zoom ones of the pandemic years were a mixed bag, but we've found friends who've make a good go of it, over the years, too, if not quite as an elaborately planned out hourslong celebration as my uncle would do. When I studied abroad in Denmark, Boyfriend and I went to an Orthodox Seder that was in a mix of Danish and Hebrew, for instance—that was novel, and so much of the procedure and the Hebrew was familiar enough to follow along.

Still working on exactly where we'll be for those two nights this year (we haven't really met any Jewish families in Pittsburgh yet to garner an invite, and none of the Reform or Conservative synagogues seem to have community events, which is surprising? And I don't really want to go to Chabad?) but we'll figure something out.

That said, as fun as the Seders can and should be, the rest of Passover is a slog of not eating bread or adjacent products, and experiencing whatever it is matzah does to one's digestive system over the course of a week. It's a meaningful observance, and the fact that the relevant rabbinical boards have stopped including rice and legumes in the "no" column in recent years has been great, but...it's ultimately a holiday recalling the story of the Exodus, and how we were slaves once, so, like, there are some less-fun elements. But the freedom celebration parts usually outweigh that!

[hydrachea]

Not sure if you answer these types of asks but I have Oberon brainrot and I was wondering how do you think Guda and Oberon would make out?

Oh I will absolutely answer this type of ask.

The answer is that they contain multitudes though. First/second ascension Oberon still acts out his prince role, he hates every second of it but he'll still play into it. Think romance movie kisses, the too-perfect-to-be true kind. Looks idyllic to onlookers! Kind of hollow for both participants.

Third ascension doesn't care, so it's a lot messier because honestly he's frustrated to be in this situation in the first place and even more frustrated to not be hating it. There's teeth, there's claws, there's also swatting the occasional bug that wanders out of his cape and into Guda's hair but that part isn't intended.

And Guda after all that? Guda's not taking any shit from either Oberons. Guda has tamed worse - have you seen their Servants? They're the epitome of "shut up and make out with me", whether it's "shut up (you're being annoying)" or "shut up (stop thinking so much)". It's not an aggressive kind of kiss, but it's insistent and it works wonders.