#these two planning to just constantly buy each other out with shared diamonds to get more trophies

[brainrot-has-overtaken-me]

I’m surprised it has taken until now since X introduced the trophy idea for two Hermits to come together and plan to commit fraud/loophole the system. Good jobs Beef and Hypno for being the first with that idea!

[dadolorian]

(Diamonds and Daddies one shot) An Angel, A devil, and a Daddy ,Whiskey x F!Reader x OFC MXFXF

A/N: This is a colab fic written with @talesfromtheguild​ and omg guys you have no idea how fun this was to write and the ideas we shared  🥵 🥵

Huge thank you to her for the help and being willing to collab please go read her stuff. 

This is a CANON side story to Diamonds and Daddies

Fandom: Kingsman the golden circle Ship: Jack ‘Whiskey’ Daniels x Cis F!reader x OFC!

 Warning/tags: Threesome, unprotected sex (wrap it up irl) , Oral (M and F receiving) , Creampie, strap on , FXF action, MXF action, over stimulation, aftercare, rough sex, dirty talk, P in V sex, slapping, DD/LG /BDSM style relationship

Word count: 10K +  🥵

AO3 LINK -

Summary: For Jacks birthday, HoneyBee surprises him with a threesome.

Your limbs ached as you rolled over and snuggled into Jack’s bare chest, your nose pressed into the crook of his neck as you pressed lazy kisses against his skin. You could feel him start to stir in his sleep, as your soft kisses began to rouse him awake. His arms wrap around your torso, pressing you closer to him. His skin is warm beneath yours, and part of you never wants to leave the warmth and safety that he radiates. 

    “Good morning.” he says, his voice a deep rumble. The combination of loudly moaning all night long, and his sleepy morning voice made his voice a deep growl that reverberated through the air.

    “Good morning Daddy.” you reply, kissing along his jawline, early morning stubble rubbed against your skin.  

Jack finally cracks his eyes open, and tips his head downwards to look at you. He smiles softly and proudly when he sees your hair is still a mess from last night's activities, and your lips are still slightly swollen. He shifts slightly in bed, and brings his hand to cup your jaw before pulling your face towards his where he gently kisses you awake. 

You pull away from him, and he openly pouts. You laugh at him before ducking back down to press a chaste kiss to his lips. He tries to follow you and your sweet kisses when you pull away again. 

“How would you feel about a threesome?” you ask him out of nowhere.

Jack’s head falls backwards onto his pillow with a deep groan as he squeezes his eyes shut, trying to will the naughty images his mind conjures up away. He releases a huff of air as his hands adjust their grip on your waist.     “Darlin’...” he says tilting his head to the side to look at his alarm clock. “It is 6:30 in the goddamn morning. You can’t just spring that on me.” 

“But would you be interested?”

“Babygirl, you know I don’t share.” 

“But Daddy…” 

“It ain’t gonna happen darlin’. My cock is the only cock that gets to fuck your sweet little pussy. No other man is gonna touch you.”

“But…” 

“Unless you got a girlfriend that wants to join us, the answer is no.” 

Your eyes light up - you’ve got just the friend to join the two of you in bed, but you school your expression and pout slightly, trying to steer Jack away from the conversation you’d started. 

“Okay Daddy…”

He rolls you over and onto your back with a devilish smirk on his handsome face. His hands hold onto your hips as some of his body weight crushes you. “Now, how about breakfast in bed?” he asks, licking his lips before disappearing beneath the sheets. 

* 

When Jack had said he didn’t want anything and that you didn’t need to get him anything for his Birthday you felt bad. You had wanted to get him something, but for the life of you, you couldn’t think of a single thing your man could want, need or desire. Additionally, if Jack truly did want something, he could buy it himself. He was a grown man who could provide more than enough for himself - and you. Your monthly allowance was generous at most, and all the gifts and dates Jack took you on… he spoiled you rotten. 

But then you recalled that silly little conversation you had with him one morning after a long night, and you suddenly knew what you wanted to get Jack for his birthday, and you knew exactly who to call to help you out. 

It hadn’t taken much to convince your good friend Taylor to join in on your plan. In fact, Taylor was on board before you even finished asking your question. When she had agreed, you explained to her how Jack liked things - your relationship was heavily based in DD/LG roleplay, and he liked being able to feel all of you without a condom on. 

Taylor wasn’t surprised at this information - she’d been on the Sugar Baby app you used for years, and had been with many daddy’s, and baby’s, and had been a part of many, many fantasies. Getting to join you with your Daddy was something Taylor was looking forward to. She was curious about your himDaddy, what with you constantly talking about him and how great he treated you, and how well he fucked you. To say she was curious about him was an understatement. 

After she had agreed to yours and Jack’s terms, you made sure to get everything in order. You had Taylor tested to double check she was clean, she was already on birth control so you didn’t have to worry about that, and finally you took her shopping. You were going to go all out on lingerie for Jack’s birthday - after all your Daddy deserved the best. 

When you had arrived at the fancy lingerie store, you were greeted by Amy, one of the sales associates that had been a good friend of yours and always knew what to put you in to make Jack drool. 

“What are we going for today?” Amy asked with a coy smile. She had been a Sugar Mama long ago, and knew what suited you and your Daddy’s tastes. 

“We’re just browsing today. Birthday surprise.” you’d told her. 

Amy winks at you, and tells you to call for her if you need her help before she slips away to help another customer. Together, you and Taylor walk through the lingerie store, browsing for something that Jack would like to see the two of you in. It feels like you wander the whole store and find nothing that feels right to wear as a gift for Jack. 

With a dejected sigh, you look over the tops of the racks for Taylor’s dark head of hair, before you spot  her on the other side of the boutique. You weave your way through the racks before you come to stand beside her. 

“What about these?” she suggests, her hand running over a vibrant red silk bra and matching panties set. Your hand reaches out to run over the material, and you’re surprised at how soft it feels under your fingertips. Your head cocks to one side as your eyes land on a separate yet similar looking set just a foot away, and an idea sparks inside your head, remembering one of Jack's favorite kinks to explore with you. Stepping away from Taylor as she grabs the red silk number, you reach outwards and grab onto the set that caught your eye. You spin around with a devious little smirk on your face as you reveal what caught your eye to Taylor. Her own wicked smirk bloomed across her face as she eyed the lingerie in your hands. 

“Oh you little devil.” she teases you. 

“You’re the devil,” you teased back, sauntering off to find some accessories that would really finish the look off. 

Jack was in for one hell of a birthday surprise.

*

When Jack stepped inside his apartment, and dropped his keys on the hallway table, he didn’t notice the trail of rose petals leading further into his home at first. He only noticed the silence that greeted him.  By now his Honey Bee should have been leaping into his arms, as you always did when you heard him return home from a long day at work.             Curious, he took off deeper into the apartment, not finding you in the lounge and kitchen, he knew you had something planned for his birthday, so to not have you jumping on him the second he got home concerned him. There was no way you would go out at this time, surely? You knew not to head out without telling him. He was extremely protective of you and you’d be punished if you didn’t follow the rules.  As he neared the stairs, ready to search the bedroom, he finally noticed the petals. He chastised himself in his head, how a secret agent didn’t notice something so obvious in his own home was beyond him.     The annoyance he felt at his lack of observational skills was quickly overruled by a growing heat in his stomach as it clicked in his mind as to what the petals could mean.     He had no idea what you were planning, but he was excited nonetheless, all he knew was his precious little baby had a surprise for him, and that was all he needed to know. He slowly ascended the stairs, undoing his tie and throwing his jacket to the side as he walked. He followed the trail with his eyes, his smile and cock growing as his eyes were led up to the bedroom door. He paused at the door, hearing some soft, muffled moaning coming from the other side. He growled to himself, picturing you lying on the bed, legs spread wide, pleasuring yourself, as much as the idea got him hot and bothered, you knew the rules, and pleasuring yourself without his permission was a sure fire way to earn his ire. He didn’t bother knocking, intent on catching you in the act, and it was his home and his bedroom after all, instead he opened the door slowly, and let his eyes follow the petals right up to your shared bed. His eyes widened in surprise and lust at the downright sin before him.           His precious, innocent little girl laid out on the bed, wearing nothing but a frilly little white get up, that sight just by itself would be one to instantly make him hard. But no, you weren’t alone. 

Your hands clung to the hips of a woman he had never seen before, the two of you seemed unfazed by his presence, too distracted by each other's tongues as you kissed one another.

The strange woman, who was wearing a matching outfit to yours in red, opened her eyes and looked over to him, she smiled into the kiss, keeping eye contact with him she started trailing her hand from its place on your hip to between your legs, making you moan loudly. 

That made him snap out of his daze finally, he growled and strode towards the bed, stopping at the foot to watch you two more closely. 

“I don’t think this is what good girls do, ain't that right Honey Bee?” he rumbled hungily. 

You jumped, truly having been too distracted by Taylor to notice Jack come in. Your lips left hers and you stared up at him, batting your eyelashes at him, trying to feign innocence. 

“D-Daddy,” you whimpered, caught. “We were just-”

“No excuses,” he cut you off. A large hand trailed up the length of your body, stopping at your chest. Firmly, he pushed you onto your back, his eyes trailed down your body to take a good look at what you were wearing. A new set he noted, as his fingers traced the edges, white and frilly, just how he liked it, with fluffy angel wings and a matching halo to really finish the look off.  He leant over you, kneeling between your legs and nuzzling his face into the side of your neck, he peppered it with teasing kisses before wandering up to your mouth.

His lips ghosted above yours, you could feel the heat of his mouth on your kiss swollen lips,, he was so close, but as you leant up to kiss him he pulled away enough to stay out of your reach. 

“I come home, after a long, hard day at work, all I want to do is spend some quality alone time with my Honey Bee, on my birthday, instead, here I find you, breaking my rules, playing with a friend you didn't even ask me if you could invite over,  and making excuses?” 

He slapped your thigh before straightening up, eyes now focused on Taylor who had been patiently waiting beside you. 

“Now, who might you be Gorgeous? “ he asked,  his voice softening and letting his gaze wander over her form, admiring the matching outfit she wore, red, with little devil wings and tail in place of your halo and wings. 

“Taylor, Daddy,” she purred, stretching out on the bed, a playful smile gracing her red painted lips. 

“Taylor,” he repeated, trying it out. As much as he tried to keep the stern facade up, he couldn’t help mirroring her smile. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, although I would have much preferred it if we could have met when I wasn’t upset with my Baby.” He emphasised his point by slapping your thigh again, rubbing it soothingly straight away and ignoring your startled cry. 

“I-i was trying to surprise you, for your birthday Daddy,” you mewled, whimpering again when he glared down at you. 

“Surprise me you did Honey Bee, but that don’t mean you have permission to break Daddy’s rules,” his fingers danced over your covered core, tutting when he found you wet. “Getting yourself all worked up without Daddy’s permission? I’m disappointed Honey Bee.” 

“B-but that was Taylor-” 

He cut you off with a hard slap to your covered pussy.

“Don’t you blame your friend when you’re the one who invited her and started playing with her!” He snarled. “You know the rules!” 

He turned to Taylor again with a sigh. “I’m sorry you have to see this Gorgeous, I think I’ve been spoiling my Honey Bee too much if she thinks she can behave like this.” His eyes didn't leave her face, but he began rubbing up and down your core as he continued to speak to her, ignoring your pleas and mewls as you writhed between his touch. “I want you to know I ain’t blaming you for her behaviour, you’re a guest in this house and I don’t expect you to know all the rules, but I do expect her to follow them.” 

He leant forward towards her, until his nose was touching hers. 

“Can you be a good girl for me and tell me who’s idea it was to start playing?” 

Taylor swallowed and nodded.

“Y-Yes Daddy, it was me, it was my idea,” she admitted. 

Jack hummed and closed the small gap between them, locking his lips to hers. 

Taylor moaned and you whined, jealous of the attention and praise your Daddy was giving her. 

Jack broke the kiss , giving her one last peck. “Thank you for being truthful with my Darlin, instead of pushing the blame onto someone else like a bad girl,” his gaze drifted back to you as his sentence ended with a growl. “What are you whining for huh?” 

You pouted up at him, refusing to answer. 

“Quit being a brat and answer the question Honey Bee,” he warned. 

“I want a kiss too,” you sniveled. 

“Good girls get kisses.”

“But Taylor just admitted she started it!” You whined. 

“We aint going over this again Honey Bee, you know the rules, she doesn’t. She’s a guest in this house and she told me the truth, so she gets a kiss.” 

You huffed and crossed your arms, turning your head away from him in annoyance. 

“I really do spoil you too much Honey Bee,” he sighed, pulling you up into a sitting position. “One kiss, you get one,” he said sternly, finger raised in warning before dipping his head to finally kiss you. 

You moaned, your perfectly manicured fingers raking through his hair as you attempted to deepen the kiss. If you only got one you were determined to make sure it was a good one. Normally Jack loved to tease you with his tongue as you kissed, but he denied you entrance as you tried to deepen it. He growled, warning you as you attempted to push your tongue past his lips for a third time. He pulled away from you far too quickly. “Sit up on the bed, both of you,” he ordered, hands trailing up and down your back. 

You nipped at his jaw, ignoring the instruction and kissing your way down his neck, making little marks appear on his skin, as Taylor moved to sit on the bed like he asked the two of you to do. 

“Angel…” Jack’s voice drops low, the sound sending shivers down your spine. “My little devil is behaving better than you are right now. I think she deserves all the rewards you were going to get tonight.”

You pulled away from him just slightly to stare up at him, with big doe eyes. Jack’s cock throbbed in his pants as he stared down at you, and your innocent expression. Both of his hands came to cup the side of your face as he pressed a single chaste kiss to your lips. 

“That look won’t work on me sweetheart. You’ve been a brat since I stepped in the door. Bad girls don’t get rewards.” he says, his eyes staring deep into yours. 

“But... tonight is supposed to be all about you.” you said, breaking out of the bratty submissive role you’d taken on for the night. You really wanted Jack to have a good birthday, and you didn’t want to ruin it in any way. Shitty birthdays sucked, and you didn’t want Jack to remember this birthday as one you had messed up. 

“And it will be. Right now, Daddy wants to punish you for your bratty behavior.” Jack reassures you in a soft voice, telling you that everything between the two of you was okay.

Taylor sat in the middle of your shared bed, and watched the two of you as she bit her lip. It was obvious to see just how much the two of you cared for each other, how much it went beyond the dynamic the two of you had arranged and agreed to. Shifting her weight around, Taylor felt honored to share your bed for a night. What the two of you had… it was something Taylor hadn’t seen in a very long time, and she was proud to see you had found something so precious with Jack.

“Honeybee, you’re gonna sit right here,” Jack ordered you, pointing to a spot right next to Taylor on your large bed, “and you’re gonna watch as I fuck your friend with my tongue.” 

You whined at the thought of just sitting there and watching, but this was a punishment and you don’t wanna disappoint your Daddy. Positioning yourself comfortably on top of the sheets, you tucked your legs beneath your body and settled directly next to Taylor. At the foot of the bed, Jack watched patiently as you sat down and looked at him, waiting for any other instructions he might have for you. When he’s satisfied with where you’re sat, he turns his eyes to the woman casually lounging on his bed. 

“Darlin’, as good as you look in red, I bet you look better naked.” he said as he gently reached out and ran a hand upwards, letting his fingers drag over her skin from her ankle to her hip. 

His hands gripped her hips tightly, but not painfully, and dragged her down the bed slightly trying to bring her closer to him so he could reach her easier. His fingers play with the little straps on her garter belt, before hooking one finger underneath the elastic and letting it snap back against her skin. Taylor moans softly in the back of her throat as her thigh stings slightly. 

“Fuck.” Jack exhaled as he stared down at Taylor. As much as he wants to just tear her lingerie off and fuck her senselessly, Jack wants to take his time with her, wants to show his baby what happens when she breaks the rules and acts like a brat. Everything he’s going to do to Taylor is what he could have done to you instead if you hadn’t disobeyed him. 

Jack’s hands wander to the clips that hold up the garter belt, and slowly he begins to snap each elastic band against Taylor’s skin before unclipping them fully. His hands moved to the belt those straps were sewn to, and unclipped it, pulling away from her body and tossed it somewhere within the bedroom. 

You whine loudly as your eyes are glued to Jack’s hands as they roam over Taylor’s body as she mewls and hums softly at his touch. His hands ran over her ribs before coming to cup her breasts. You can see Jack’s eyes darken as he tests the weight of Taylor’s breasts in each of his hands, loving the way they feel in his palms beneath the silky red fabric they’re confined behind. Taylor’s back arches off the mattress, pressing her chest farther into Jack’s hands wanting him to touch more of her. 

“Relax sweetheart, we’ve got all night.” Jack shushes her as he pulls her bra downwards, exposing her hardened nipples to the cold air in the bedroom. 

“Daddy,” Taylor whines as Jack’s hands return to her breasts. He leans over her and takes one of her dark, pebbled nipples into his mouth as his thumb tweaks the other one. 

Jack shushes her as he lets go of her breasts and moves his hands downwards. His fingers dipped beneath the waistband of her scandalous panties and pulled them down her long, toned legs - legs he wants wrapped around his head as he eats her out. His cock throbs beneath his pants, aching to be touched by either of the two beautiful women in his bed. He wants to touch himself, but he can wait a little bit longer before he gives in to what he wants. 

Jack brings Taylor’s wet panties to his nose and inhales her scent. His eyes fall closed as he moans. His eyes open slowly, and when he looks at you, he smirks. “Kitten, open your mouth.” Your mouth opens a moment later, and Jack shoves Taylor’s wet panties into your mouth, gagging you. 

“There. Maybe that will shut you up for a while.” he growls. 

You taste the tang of Taylor’s arousal on your tongue as he stuffed Taylor’s panties into your open waiting mouth. To say the action doesn’t make your pussy drip would be a total lie. 

Jack turns his attention back to Taylor, drinking in the way she’s spread out for him. In the soft glow of his bedroom, he can see just how wet she is for him. Her folds glisten with her arousal, and Jack wants nothing more than to sink his cock into her. But first he has to start your punishment. 

“Don’t touch her.” Jack warns Taylor, nodding his head towards you. Taylor nods at his words. 

Jack crouches over Taylor, and brings her mouth to his, in a hot searing kiss. Jack adores how soft her plump lips are against his, but he prefers you and your kisses… if only you hadn’t been such a brat. Jack’s kisses trail down Taylor’s body, kissing every expanse of skin he can find. He draws a nipple into his mouth again and gently nips at her flesh when he pulls away, making Taylor gasp out as pain flares beneath her skin. Jack smirks against her skin as he soothes the sting of his teeth with his wet tongue before he repeats the motion on her other breast. 

His mouth travels down her sternum before stopping just above her aching pussy. His shoulders spread her legs wider as he settles at the edge of the bed, crouching down to hover above where she wants - needs him most. 

“You want this, right baby?” Jack asks Taylor, wanting another confirmation that she has fully agreed to this night with the two of you.

“Yes Daddy. Please fuck me with your tongue. Please - I wanna cum for you.” she pleads with him, her dark brown eyes locking with his. 

Jack’s mouth hovers over Taylor, as he breathes in her scent. With one hand splayed over her stomach, he uses his thumb to brush over her clit. Taylor gasps as her body jerks slightly, before calming down again as Jack continues to rub circles over her bundle of nerves. 

You shift on your knees when you begin to feel your toes falling asleep, and Jack cuts his eyes to you in warning: don’t fucking move. Your body stills instantly as you lock eyes with him. Your chest heaves as you watch him move closer to Taylor’s spread thighs. 

His tongue spears into Taylor’s pussy. He smells her. He tastes her. He devours her. His hips arch forwards and he bumps his hard clothed erection against the end of the bed where he’s knelt on the floor.

“Oh fuck babygirl.” he snarls into her, humming, not breaking away from licking into her for even a second. His nose bumps against her clit, making Taylor pant and moan and gasp his name like a prayer. His hands clawed into her thighs, his hot tongue curling and lapping up her arousal, shrewd wet sounds of his sucking tongue and mouth fill the air around you all. It’s filthy.

Taylor’s legs tremble beneath Jack’s hands, but he keeps them anchored down. His nails dig into her thighs, tugging her closer into his face. She can feel his tongue exploring every inch of her, dipping and prodding.

You smirk as you watch them together, watching as Taylor’s face pinches up in pleasure and her fingers dig and grasp at your bedspread, trying to ground herself on something. You knew how skilled Jack Daniel’s tongue was. 

Taylor’s moans fill the silence that settled over the bedroom as Jack sucks and licks into her, working her open with his tongue. Taylor can feel the damp path of cloth beneath her ass, and it only turns her on more, knowing just how aroused she is right now. She raises her head off the mattress and looks down at Jack, seeing his dark eyes gleaming up at her, watching as she writhes beneath him. Her eyes flutter closed for a moment before they fly open again when Jack laps at her clit again. She can feel that pulsing energy knotting in her abdomen, coiling tighter and tighter, rushing her towards her impending orgasm. 

“Oh Daddy…” she warns breathily. Her thighs threaten to clamp down around his head, as her hands fist the sheets below her. Jack’s tongue spears into her again as his thumb rubs tight, harsh circles against her clit, driving her towards her orgasm.

“Can - Can I cum Daddy?” Taylor gasps out. Jack hums into her, not giving her an answer.

“Please Daddy! Lemme cum for you. Please let me cum. Please, please, please, please.” she begs again. Jack hums against her again, the vibrations stimulating her nerves more. She feels her thighs tremble more, and before she knows it, her body arches and convulses, shuddering as her climax blindingly powers through her.

She cums violently fast and loud. Jack’s tongue never leaves her as he drinks down every drop of cum her body gives him. Her orgasm had successfully coated his mouth and chin in her arousal, he loved how her pussy drooled for him. Taylor collapses back against the cool sheets and pants heavily, trying to catch her breath and revel in the feeling of her first orgasm of the night. 

Jack licked his lips and wiped off the remainder of Taylors arousal with the back of his hand. He sighed contentedly as if he had just eaten a five star meal. 

“Now Honey Bee,” he said, turning his attention back to you for the first time since he started going down on Taylor. He pulled the soaked panties from your mouth, tossing them to the side for now.  “Can you prove to me you can behave? Prove to Daddy you can be a good girl?” 

You nodded desperately, fingers itching to relieve the burning need inside you, but not willing to risk another punishment. You did want to be a good girl for him, to make his birthday memorable, to please him. 

“Good,” he purred, a wicked grin on his face as he stood up and rounded the bed to the headboard. He started unbuttoning his shirt, tossing it to the side along with his undershirt, leaving his torso bare to you both. 

He settled down on the bed, back leaning up against the pillows and headboard, and beckoned the two of you over with the crook of a finger, chuckling as the two of you scrambled over to him. 

“There’s my good girls,” he praised, unbuckling his belt and shimmying his pants down his hips just enough to free his aching cock. 

You pouted up at him, noting he wasn’t wearing underwear again. He caught your pout and chuckled again, giving you a cocky wink, ignoring your displeasure and teasing you further about your continuing disdain over the underwear ‘argument’ you kept having..

“Come on now Honey Bee, prove to me you can be good. Show Taylor here just how Daddy likes his cock sucked.” 

Wanting to be obedient and finally earn Jack's touch, whether it be by his hands, cock or tongue, you batted your eyelashes up at him, maintaining that eye contact he loved as you lent forward and began scattering soft, feather light kisses up and down his length. 

Your eyes stayed on Jack but you held out one hand to Taylor, who took it and allowed you to drag her closer, placing her dainty hand on Jack's balls. 

He groaned above you, head falling back into the pillows and you hummed proudly, loving how you could reduce him to a mess just as often as he made you. 

Taylor took initiative and bent forward, taking Jacks balls into her mouth at the same time you had taken his tip into your mouth, sucking and playing with your tongue. 

A flurry of curses left his mouth as he tried to suck more air in, overwhelmed by the double, startling sensation. 

“Jeesus fuck! Givin me a heart attack!” he gasped, snapping his head forward to watch the two of you intently. The visuals only added to his pleasure, two pretty girls servicing his cock, looking up at him with big, innocent eyes, he wanted to cum just at that. 

You wrapped your hand around his base and began pumping him as you took him further and further into your mouth. Since your first time together, when you had struggled to take his cock any further than halfway down the two of you had spent a lot of time practicing. 

Now, now you were able to take him all the way, having spent many hours with him learning how to suppress your gag reflex enough and widen your jaw, it was still a struggle, but the moan he gave you when your lips reached his base made it all worth it. 

“That's it, there we are, you’re my good girls,” he rasped, praising the two of you as his hands grabbed the back of your heads, holding you in place as he savored the duel experience of his cock in your throat, and balls in her mouth. 

His hands trembled as he took deep breaths to ground himself, to not give into the pleasure so early into your attention. Since the moment he had opened the door to his bedroom Jack had been more aroused than he could ever recall being in his entire life, not even when he was a teenager and first discovered porn could compare. 

“Honey Bee,” he moaned as the hand he had on you slowly snaked down to grip your throat. Something he loved to do every time you managed to deepthroat him was to grip you lightly, so he could feel the bulge of his cock move up and down your throat as you took him. 

You began moving for him, concentrating on breathing through your nose as he lightly choked you with both his cock and his hand, squeezing lightly every time he felt the bulge in your throat pass by his palm. 

He spread his legs wider for the two of you, giving Taylor more access to his balls as you sped up your pace. 

“Look at you Darlin,” he cooed softly at you, admiring how your mouth stretched around him, saliva leaking from your lips, coating him.

 “Your tiny little mouth can barely take me, but it feels so, so, good.”

You mewled around his length, soaking up his praise, the vibrations it caused traveled down his length, his balls tensed up and he hissed in pleasure. 

“Knew you could be a good girl for me...You’ll do anything for my cock wont cha? My perfect little cock slut.”

He always knew what to say to turn you on more, your pussy throbbed again, you wanted more than anything to make him proud, to earn the reward he always gave you after each punishment, his cock. Having it in your mouth was just further torment, reminding you just how big he was, just how well he would stretch you out. 

“I’m in heaven,” he sighed, stroking Taylors tight curls affectionately as she swirled her tongue around him, causing him to buck up into your mouth and making you gag.  

He growled as you tried to back up. “You can take it, you were made for my cock,” he encouraged, tightening his fingers around your neck to stop you from backing away. 

You calmed yourself down, trying not to struggle in his grasp, focusing on your breathing so you could take him deeper once more. 

“That's it, what good babies.”

Both you and Taylor moaned at his words of praise, his thighs shook in an effort not to keep bucking up into your mouth, his entire cock throbbed and pulsed and the moans that poured from his mouth were downright sinful. He was so lost to the feeling his head fell back again, unable to watch the two of you without blowing his load. 

You were so distracted and aroused you didn’t even register the feeling of your own hand trailing down your stomach and between your legs. Only when you let out a high pitched keen at the relief your burning core got did you realize what you had done, as your fingers pushed up against the covered folds of your pussy. Your eyes shot back up to Jack, who was now staring intently back at you.

“You better not be touching yourself Honey Bee,” he rumbled. 

You snatched your hand away and let him fall from your mouth with a pop. 

“I’m not!” you lied, throat raspy from taking his dick, and from the hand still choking you. 

His balls left Taylor’s mouth with a wet slurp as she sat up to watch the interaction. 

He groans at the loss on his cock, but is far too focused on you to complain. He drops your throat and grabs your wrists, pulling you up to him. 

He pulls your left hand up to his mouth, maintaining fierce eye contact with you as he pulls the fingers into his mouth, tasting them. His tongue plays with your fingers, it was warm and you couldn't help but imagine him using it to pleasure you. 

Satisfied he doesn’t taste your arousal on you he drops the hand and he repeats the action with your right one, he closes his eyes in pleasure at the taste, groaning as your slick coats his tongue as it teased your index and middle fingers. 

Then when realization hits him his eyes snap back open burning into yours as he growls, as much as he adores your taste, he was disappointed at you for breaking another rule. 

Your fingers fall from his mouth and he firmly pushes you away. 

“Breaking a rule? And not only that? Lying to me about it?” He sounded angry, you should be scared, but the rough timbre of his voice and heated tone only sent more arousal flooding out of you. As enraged as he sounded, you knew it would just mean more pleasure for you later on when he deemed you had learnt your lesson. 

“I’m sorry Daddy!” You pleaded, trying to crawl back to him. 

“No Honey Bee, I don't think you are!” He growled, pushing you away again, his arm looped around Taylor, bringing her flush against his torso, kissing every inch of skin he could reach. Showering her with the affection he would normally reserve for you. 

“You just have to keep acting like a brat tonight! Just can’t stop showing off in front of your friend, wanting to act like a cool, big girl is that it?” His hand fisted her curls to pull her in for a deep, passionate kiss. Ignoring you and your distress as his tongue mixed with hers. She moaned and you whimpered, missing your Daddy's kisses, he was trying to make you jealous and he was doing a damn good job of it. 

“Think you’re wearing the wrong costume,” he panted to her when they broke apart. “Think my little brat over there needs to be wearing this little Devil get up, and you need to be in that Angel one,” he murmured into the skin of her neck, showering kisses upon her skin, just the way you liked. 

He continued to ignore you, distracting himself by making out with Taylor. He pulled her into his lap properly and began grinding his hips up into hers, one hand gripped her ass and the other kneaded her breast gently.

She mewled and whimpered into the kiss, rocking her hips back onto his, his cock rubbing up against her soaked folds, with one little change in angle he would be sheathed inside her. You were mesmerised, enraptured by the image of this tip of his cock leaking, so close to pushing inside her and stretching her out. 

How you had never envied another person more in your entire life. 

You yowled like a cat in heat, trying not to rock your hips into the bedsheets to chase that far off relief, you knew you weren’t getting any anytime soon, but you were trying so hard not to anger him further and delay your pleasure even more. 

Your pathetic little whine caught his attention, dragging his gaze back to you, eyebrows raised in surprise as if he had forgotten you were even there. 

“Honey Bee,” he drawled, rolling Taylor’s nipple in his skilled fingers as he kept eye contact with you. “You’re going to sit there and watch as Taylor finishes what you started. No, don't give me that look.” He continued to glare at you as he helped Taylor widen her legs, better to take him with. He cooed at her affectionately and praised her, telling her what a good girl she was for him as he notched himself at her entrance and slowly pushed inside of her. 

You glare at Taylor and Jack as you sit on the end of the bed, watching as Jack tosses his head back against the headboard as Taylor takes all of him inside her dripping pussy. Your pussy throbs between your legs, just beggin’ to be touched. You watch Jack intensely as his face contorted in pleasure, his eyes clamped firmly shut as he enjoys the warmth of Taylor’s body. Shifting slightly on the bed, your hand moves beneath your panties and your fingers brush against your clit. You will be in so much trouble if Jack catches you touching yourself right now, but the ache between your legs and the relief your fingers give you is enough to spur you on, to keep you going. Whatever punishment Jack will give you will be worth it in the end. 

You remain quiet, which feels like an impossible task, as your fingers rub circles over your clit, and lightly dip inside your folds as you gather your slick. Your breath stutters in your chest as you rub your clit faster and harder, trying to match Taylor’s pacing as she rocks her body against Jack’s. Wet slick sounds fill the air and combine with their moans as Taylor rides Jack, their bodies making the bed rock roughly. 

Sinking your fingers into your aching pussy, stretching you just slightly, you sigh happily. Your fingers could never compare to Jack’s - two of your fingers equaled one of his, and no matter how many times you tried to replicate the feeling of him inside you, it was never the same - but having something to ease the ache between your legs is a relief. 

Your legs tremble slightly as you increase your pacing, rubbing furiously against your swollen aching clit as you pump two fingers inside yourself. You can feel a tight bundle knotting and twisting in your stomach, clamping down tighter and tighter as you race towards your own orgasm. 

Glancing at Taylor, you watch as she stares at you with a hungry gaze as Jack fucks up into her.  Taylor’s body falls roughly against Jack’s thighs as she tries to drive his cock deeper inside her, desperately working towards her release. 

“Can you cum for me baby?” Jack asks, his lips trailing over her jawline.

Taylor whines, unable to answer him.

“Come on baby, answer me.” 

“I - I can. Can I cum for you Daddy? Please? Lemme soak your cock.” she begs. 

Jack’s arms wrap around her as he growls, and he uses his strength to hold her down as he cums inside her. Taylor’s moans and Jack’s growls fill the air as they both revel in their highs - Jack filling Taylor with his cum completely as Taylor clamps down tightly around him, her cum gushing out of her and running down his cock before dribbling over his balls. 

Your orgasm washes over you before you know it, and a high pitched but soft whine leaves your swollen lips as you cum around your own fingers, your cum soaking into your panties. Your eyes connect with Jack’s as you come down from your high, and you can’t even enjoy the feeling of getting to cum before you realize your mistake - you’d been too loud. 

“Honey,” Jack sighs in a disappointed but satisfied voice, “can’t you wait your fucking turn?”  He sighs again as he stares at you and the mess you’ve made of your panties.

“If you wanna cum so badly, then you’re gonna have to work for it.” Jack growls.

 Jack’s hand travels over Taylor’s arm before sliding down her back, where he cups her ass, and kneads the flesh beneath his fingers. He shakes his head disapprovingly as you pull your hand from between your legs, and stare at him with scared and innocent eyes. “Taylor and I are gonna have to punish you now babygirl. You didn’t follow the rules of your punishment.” 

Jack swats Taylor’s ass, nodding with his head for her to get off the bed, and he follows suit. When the two of them are standing, he wraps his arms around her, and hungrily kisses her, moaning against her mouth. Jack could see how a man could get addicted to her - she was sinful like the devil himself. 

“Taylor, baby, go into the closet and on the top shelf is something I need you to grab for me. Can you do that for me?” he asks her when he pulls away and draws in fresh air. 

“Of course I can do that for you Daddy,” she quickly agrees, looking over her shoulder at the door leading to his walk in closet. 

When she walks away, Jack turns to you, his eyes dark and hungry. “Now, Princess…” 

He moves to the end of the bed, and roughly grabs your hips. His hands move across your skin, ripping and tugging at the lingerie clinging to your body, tearing off yet another brand new set . When you are semi-bare before him, Jack wastes no time in groping your breasts before dipping his head down to suck a pebbled nipple into his mouth. Your back arches as you shakily inhale, trying to get more of his warm mouth on your skin. His mouth leaves your breast as one of his hands grabs your wrist and brings it towards his mouth. His tongue laps over the fingers you came on, and drinks down the taste of your arousal. 

Taylor reappears by Jack’s side with a long box in her hand. Jack’s mouth and hands leave your body just as quickly as they appeared. You whine at the loss of his touch, but shut your mouth when Jack sends you a warning glare. 

“Here Daddy.” she purrs. 

“Thank you baby.” Jack says as he takes the box from Taylor and presses a kiss to her cheek. 

"Now this was for your birthday…” he said, regarding you again. “Yeah I remember that kinky little fantasy of yours...but I think this is going to be put to better use tonight." Jack explains as he opens up the box, and reveals what’s inside. 

It’s almost comical the way your eyes widen and your mouth drops open when you realize what Jack holds in his hand. Taylor smiles coyly at your reaction, buzzing with excitement as she takes the packaging from him. She pulls out the harness and slides it over her legs as she steps into it adjusting the buckle so it sits snugly against her hips. 

“Now babygirl, this here is the Royal Mustang, and from the way you’re lookin’ at it… I think you want it.” Jack teases you. Taylor’s hand wraps around the dildo, and takes it from Jack’s grasp. Her eyes lock onto yours as your eyes follow the strap on, and she licks a long, broad stripe up the fake cock before sucking on the tip just slightly, covering the silicon in her saliva. 

“Oh my god.” you breathe out. 

“God can’t help you honey.” Jack tells you. 

“How do you want us Daddy?” Taylor asks Jack. He looks away from you and wets his lips when he sees the strap connected to the harness she wears. 

“Damn you look good.” Jack breaths out. “Taylor, baby, you’re gonna fuck our little angel until she cums on that toy. And then I’m gonna fuck her before she has anytime to recover.” 

Taylor leans in and presses her lips against Jack’s before pulling away with a satisfied smile. “I like the way you think Daddy. Can I fuck her however I want?”

Your eyes dart back and forth as you watch them discuss what they’re going to do to you, like you’re not even here. A wave of arousal runs down your spine and pools between your legs at the thought of both of them fucking you silly. You’re a little nervous that your body might not be able to handle both of them with no recovery time, but you’re also excited and eager to get started. If this was your punishment for being a brat - especially when a friend joined you - then you were going to have to disobey the rules more often. 

“Turn around Honeybee.” Taylor orders you, a more dominant side of her coming out to play. Your pussy clenches at her tone, and at her words, and you blink stupidly at her for a moment. 

“Turn. Around.” she orders you again. You flip your body over, resting your weight evenly across your knees and elbows. You feel her settle behind you, the tip of the strap on rubbing through your slick folds, roughly bumping against your clit with each teasing rock of her hips. Your head drops down against the sheets as Taylor presses the head of the toy against your entrance, and slowly - oh so fucking slowly - breaks you open. 

You can’t stop the wanton cry that leaves you lips, and is muffled by the sheets below you. Taylor’s hands grip your hips, and run over the curve of your ass, before roughly pulling you flush against her hips, driving the toy deeper inside you. The Royal Mustang stretches you in ways Jack doesn’t, and it makes you pant heavily beneath Taylor. Her hands roam across your skin, and she moans when her hands snake to the front of your body where her fingers brush against your hot and swollen clit. 

“That’s it Taylor, get her nice and ready for me.” Jack purrs somewhere behind you. You can’t quite tell where he is in the room, but you can’t quite bring yourself to care either. 

You can feel yourself clenching down tightly around the toy as Taylor continues to rock her hips to your ass, refusing to draw the toy out of your pussy more than a few inches. Her fingers rub against your clit in tight circles, and you’re surprised at just how quickly your body reacts to the things she does to you, in the few short minutes she’s been inside you. 

You were getting close, the need for release building inside you more and more, until you were rocking your ass back against Taylor’s thighs, trying to chase and reach your release sooner rather than later. Taylor’s fingers press a little harder against your clit, and suddenly your orgasm blindsides you. 

You cry out, the sound you made echoes loudly around the room. Your legs shake as Taylor pulls away from you, but you have no time to catch your breath before Jack takes her place. He grips his cock, and runs it through your cum soaked folds, enjoying the way your warmth coates his length. He bumps against your clit one or twice before sinking inside of you. 

Your head drops against the sheets again as he bottoms out and gives you a second to adjust to his incredible size. Jack groans behind you, and digs his hands into your hips, trying to drive himself just a little bit deeper inside of you. 

“You’re so very wet baby. So full of your cum. I can feel it, thick and hot around me.” Jack remarks in a grunt. He pulls outwards and begins to drive into you at an almost brutal pace. 

You whine aloud like you’re slowly being slaughtered when he hits your cervix, and you’re certain you can see stars behind your closed eyes. Jack’s eyes are focused on your pussy and how it swallows his cock with such ease thanks to the orgasm you wrongfully gave yourself and the one Taylor took from you. Along with his own release and Taylor’s cum, the way he’s able to slide in and out of you so easily nearly makes his brain short circuit. Jack closes his eyes and grits his teeth - if he looks any longer at the sight below him, he’ll cum too soon. Jack fucks into you for a moment, before slowing his pace until he stops, completely sheathed inside your wet, tight heat. 

“Taylor, toss that toy in the sink in the bathroom, and then lay down in front of our little angel. She’s gonna make you cum again before she gets to.” Jack demands. 

“Don’t you wanna cum Daddy?” Taylor asks from behind you. You can hear the clink of the harness being adjusted as Taylor shimmies out of it. 

“Oh I’ll cum darlin,” he reassures her. You hear her feet pad across the floor towards the bathroom, and a second later Jack thrusts into you. “Right.” another thrust nearly makes you fall forwards on the bed, losing your balance. “Here.” 

Your pussy clamps down on him tightly at his words, and what they imply. You will never get enough of him cumming inside you, filling you up with his cock and his cum, of him making you feel full and completely satisfied like no one has ever done before. 

Taylor’s body settles in front of you, and Jack gives you time to work out how you want to eat her out. She settles against the pillows, and spreads her legs for you to settle between them. You waste no time, diving in to taste her cum and Jack’s too, savoring the way she openly cries out at your actions. Her hands grip the back of your head and tug roughly on you as you lick into her. 

Jack begins thrusting into you, each forceful push forwards, sends your face and tongue a little deeper into Taylor’s pussy. You rest all of your upper body weight on one arm, and bring the other upwards, before sinking two fingers inside Taylor. She gasps and moans loudly as your fingers press against her walls, searching blindly for that sweet spot that will get her to cum. 

As soon as you find it, she cries out, and you can feel her clamp down on your fingers as her cum gushes from her pussy and runs down your fingers and onto your hand. 

Jack slaps your ass, once and then twice as he fucks into you, his hand landing firm against your flesh. The sharp slaps he gives you makes your flesh sting, a few tears escape you, your mascara running down your face just the way Jack liked. 

Leaning down, Jack snakes a hand around your torso like Taylor had done earlier, and furiously rubs your clit. 

“Be a good girl and cum for me. Cum all over this cock and show me how sorry you are.” 

Your head swims as your body gets completely lost in your pleasure. Your orgasm sweeps through you, the feeling so powerful it feels like you’re no longer in control of your body. Jack’s thrusts slow down as he cums deep inside you, coating your walls with his seed. You can feel it in  your chest, the unending spurts of his hot, thick cum filling you completely. 

You collapse on the bed when Jack pulls out of you, and you’re certain the two of them had fucked you to within an inch of your life. You know you’ll be sore tomorrow when you wake up. Sore and very hungry.

Jack watched the two of you lay panting on the bed, clinging together as your bodies shook from the aftershocks of your orgasms. He wants nothing more than to join you on the bed, collapse and cling to the two of you, but he had a job to do. 

He had never been quite so harsh with you, sure he had been pretty physical with you when you had been a brat before, times like that usually ended up with a spanking or some other physical punishment, but he could tell this time you were much more emotionally raw from the experience, having him ignore you in favor for your friend may have been all part of the fun, but he knew you well enough now to know you needed his reassurance and care after such an intense physical and emotional session. 

He began by making sure you were both comfortable, gently pulling off the remaining fabric the two of you wore, Taylor’s fancy straps and stockings were removed and the tattered pieces you still had clinging to your form followed.

 Carefully he lifted Taylor up, ignoring the slight twinge in his back, humming to her when she snuggled up in his embrace, and carried her back up the bed to lay her down properly. 

He repeated the action with you, depositing you gently on the other side of the bed, kissing your cheek as you mewled in protest of being moved. 

“Shhh Honey bee,” he soothed. “Let Daddy take care of you.” 

He dashed to his ensuite to gather two warm wash clothes ready to clean you both up the way he did with you every time you played with him. 

Taylor purred and thanked him with a kiss, considerably more alert than you were currently.  He cleaned up your ruined mascara before moving to clean up the mess between your legs. Your over-sensitive body tried to wriggle from his efforts helplessly as he cleaned the cum covering your thighs and his seed that had begun leaking out of you . Gently he held you in place so he could make sure he cleaned you up enough to sleep comfortably. 

“Awwww Honey Bee I know, I know , you’re so sensitive,”  he soothed, brushing the hair that clung to your face from sweat out of the way with his free hand. 

He kissed his way along your jaw as he cleaned you up to distract you. Once he was satisfied with that he threw the cloths into the sink, joining the toy before he sauntered back to bed. He pulled open the bedside drawer on your side, taking out the cream he keeps there just for times like this. He popped the cap and ever so gently soothed each of the slaps he had given you, he felt a pang of guilt at your pained whimper, but he knew just how much you enjoyed it, shaking off that brief feeling. The cream was shoved back into the drawer, ready to be used the next time you needed it.

 It was too hot for sheets, Jack decided, the three of you were more than sufficient enough to warm each other up. Carefully he crawled into the middle of the bed, pulling your exhausted body to his side, resting your head on his chest as his arm held you protectively. 

He held his other arm out to Taylor in invitation, allowing her to decide if she wanted in on the affection too, he was pleased when she rolled closer to his, mirroring your position on his other side. He gave her a quick, gentle kiss.

“Thank you very much for agreeing to this tonight Taylor, it was an absolute pleasure,” he purred into her ear. She giggled as his breath tickled her. 

“You’re quite welcome, Daddy,” she hummed, snuggling into his warmth and closing her eyes. “I’ve been quite curious about the two of you for quite a while...I couldn’t quite believe her when she told me about her ‘perfect’ Daddy. But it's quite clear to me now...You’re everything she’s ever wanted.” 

Jack's heart skipped a beat at her comment, he glanced over to your sleepy form, who was looking up at him with hooded, sparkling eyes. 

You thought to keep them open, to bask in the afterglow the three of you were sharing for just a little longer.

“Baby girl, Honey Bee,” Jack hummed, kissing the top of your head. “You did so well, so well,” he buried his nose in your hairline, kissing you tenderly wherever he could reach. “This was the best birthday ever, thank you so much Darlin, no one’s ever gave me something quite so amazing.” 

You teared up, still raw and overwhelmed by his praise. 

“Really? You liked it?” Your voice cracked. 

“Darlin, Honey Bee, I loved it!” he cheered softly, reassuring you. “And not just because I got to have sex with two beautiful ladies, you clearly put so much effort into surprising me and making tonight special.” He sighs in contentment, pulling you closer so your head settled in the crook of his neck, he rested his chin on the crown of your head . “You didn’t have to, but the fact that you did, just for Ole Jack, I know I say this every time Sugar but I really feel like the luckiest man in the world with you. “ 

You felt a few tears escape you and trailing down your cheek,onto his neck. 

“I hope those are happy tears Darlin,” Jack cooked, stroking your arm tenderly. 

“They are,” Taylor sang, joining Jack's affections and rubbing your back soothingly. “You make her happy. Happier than i’ve seen her in a long time.” 

“Well, that goes ditto for me then,” Jack smiled, giving you another kiss to the top of your head. 

“Rest up girls,” he yawned. “When we wake up, we’re ordering some real unhealthy food and snuggling on the couch with a movie till you both are feelin’ better.”

Taylor lifted her chin, about to protest, knowing her, she would insist on going home so you can Jack you have some alone time.

“Nope you’re joinin’ us too Gorgeous,” Jack cut off whatever thought she was going to say. “S’ only manners that I make sure you’re taken care of too.” 

You smiled proudly, he was ever the gentleman. 

“Fine, I wont complain about that” Taylor sighed,settling back down. 

“Happy birthday Jack,” you purred before letting yourself drift off. 

Tag list 

Diamonds an Daddies:

@thats-one-tender-foot  @luminescentlily @nuttybeardetective @ishqinbbc @ben-is-a-hoe @calamity-queen @phoenixhalliwell @talesfromtheguild @the-arctic-violet  @jeeperky @mando-amando @Finnisrioting @officerbrowneyes  @eli-the-thinker

All:

@artsymaddie

[duvetsandpillows]

Daniel Ricciardo Fluffy A-Z

A = Attractive: what do they find attractive about the other?

He loves your smile, it’s as big as his. He loves taking photos of you no matter where you guys are. His majorly camera roll is full of your beautiful smile.

B = Baby: do they want a family? why/why not?

He cannot wait to have kids. As soon as you mentioned the thought of it he expressed his excitement before sweeping you upstairs to start trying.

C = Cuddle: how do they cuddle?

He loves it when you sit between his legs with your back against his chest, his arms wrapped around your waist. He ended up buying a larger sofa so you guys wouldn’t have to sit on the floor to cuddle.

D = Dates: what are dates with them like?

When you started dating he would take you out to fancy restaurants but when it was your turn to plan the date you took him dirt biking. Ever since then he would plan more exhilarating dates to fill both your adrenaline junkie needs.

E = Everything: “you are my ____” (e.g my life, my world…)

“You’re my one and only.”

F = Feelings: when did they know they were falling in love?

He knew the when you were meeting his family for the first time. You were helping his mum with lunch and he watched how well you got on with her and he realised then and there that you were the one for him.

G = Gentle: are they gentle? If so, how?

You and Daniel would play fight or wrestle but he would never intentionally hurt you. Once while wrestling you got hit in the face and Daniel spent the entire afternoon apologising and treating you like a Queen.

H = Hand/Hold: how do they like to hold? how do they like to hold hands?

Daniels loves to hold your hand no matter where you are. He wanted to make sure everyone was aware that you were his.

I = Impression: first impression/s

He was mesmerised by you, he could believe someone so funny, caring and beautiful actually existed.

J = Joker: are they into pulling pranks?

You two are constantly trying to one up each other with each prank. Daniel once pretended to chop with finger off whole cooking dinner. He used to much fake blood that you ended up fainting as soon as you rushed into the kitchen. He still classes it as one of his proudest moments.

K = Kisses: how do they kiss?

Daniel loves to kiss your neck. He will always come up behind you and pepper your neck with kisses. When it’s just you two he can’t resist occasionally leaving a few love bites, so people knew you were his while he was away at races.

L = Love: who says I love you first?

You said it first. You’d gone out for a girls night, Daniel offered to be taxi driver for the night for everyone (he always worried when all you girls went out, scared someone would try and take advantage of one of you) when he picked you guys up you were quite drunk. When you two arrived back home he carried you up into the apartment and helped you change into one of his shirts.

“I love you so much,” you said before your eyes went as wide as the moon.

“Shit that was too early wasn’t-“ he cut you off with a passionate kiss.

“I love you too beautiful.”

M = Memory: their favourite moment together

When you came to your first race. He’d brought you to the Monaco race as it was his favourite of the year. You’d been cheering him on all weekend, all the way until he crossed the line taking the victory. When he finally got back to the garage he spotted you holding a honey badger teddy with a small trophy in its arms. You were wearing a Red Bull top with a large three on the back with his surname above it. He picked you up and twirled you around. He’s never thought he’d find someone who would share his passion for the sport.

N = Nickel: do they spoil? do they buy the person they love everything?

Despite your constant protests he loves to spoil you. Whether it be designer clothes, makeup or weekends away he wants to treat you like the princess you are.

O = Orange: what colour reminds them of their other half?

Yellow, even before he moved to Renault. You were on the whole very positive and cheerful and will always make sure everyone around you is okay. For your one year anniversary he bought you a beautiful yellow sundress to wear that evening.

P = Pet names: what pet names do they use?

Princess, beautiful, sexy girl.

Q = Quaint: what is their favourite non-modern thing?

Vinyl records. He loves music just as much as he does raving so for his birthday you bought him a vinyl player and a bunch of vinyls, both new and old music.

R = Rainy Day: what do they like to do on a rainy day?

On a rainy day you two love to cuddle up on the sofa inder a duvet and binge watch something on Netflix. It was rare to have a quiet day alone together so you took every opportunity you could.

S = Sad: how do they cheer themselves/each other up

He likes to watch comedy movies or some stand up if you’re not around. If you are he likes to cuddle up to your chest while you run your fingers though his hair.

T = Talking: what do they love to talk about?

Biking, racing, new music he’s found but his favourite is talking about your day, especially if you haven’t been able to join him for a race. He could happily talk about any topic in the world as long as he was talking to you.

U = Unencumbered: What helps them relax?

Going on long walks. When he brought you to Perth for the first time you went on a walk as the sun began to set and you ended up walking for hours just exploring and chatting.

V = Vaunt: what do they like to show off? What are they proud of?

He loves showing off to you, whether it’s a new trick or something he brought while he was away. But he lives showing you off most of all. He’s so proud of everything you do and wants everyone to know how amazing you are and that he was the luckiest man in the world.

W = Wedding: when, how, where do they propose?

He took you on holiday to Bali over the summer break wanting to spend some one on one time with you. You went out for dinner then took a long walk on the beach to where a blanket was laid out with a bottle or champagne and two glasses. As the sun began to set he got down on one knee and pulled out a beautiful silver ring with a small diamond in the middle.

“(Y/F/N) I never thought I’d ever meet someone as perfect as you. I love you so much, would you do me the honour of becoming Mrs Ricciardo?”

X = Xylophone: What’s their song?

Feeling Myself by Beyoncé. It didn’t matter when’re you were, if that song came on you and Daniel had to dance, giving it 100% effort every time.

Y = You’re the ___ to my ___ (e.g the cookies to my milk, the macaroni to my cheese)

You’re the pepperoni to my pizza.

Z = Zebra: if they wanted a pet, what pet would they get?

You guys already have a dog and a cat but you both agreed that one day you’d by a farm and raise a bunch of animals.

[yayeetsonny]

Leaving Home~Tobin Heath x Reader

Prompt: Tobin leaving to play at Arsenal 

Requested by: @dyingforacause​  

Welcome aboard the angst train! Please keep your arms, legs and all personal items inside the car at all times. Next stop Angst-Ville. Enjoy!

Tobin PRO//

I have a pretty big dilemma in my life right now and I’m not sure what to do. You see I currently live in the United States and play for the Portland Thorns in the NWSL and the United States Women’s National Team. It’s been great and I’ve passed some of the best milestones of my career playing here in the states. The problem is I was offered a deal to play with Arsenal’s Women’s team in the UK that I couldn’t refuse. It seems simple enough, right? Just move to the United Kingdom for the duration of your contract with them, play a season or maybe two overseas and then come home. I could remain on the National team and I could continue to attend camps (If I am called up) and tournaments or friendlies. Piece of cake. 

Except… It’s not. My girlfriend Y/N L/N lives here in the states and she is the most important person to me. Leaving her is not going to be easy and it could be the end of our relationship. The other thing is that I haven’t exactly told her that I’m leaving yet, and I leave in 2 days. 

Now I know what you’re thinking “You idiot! How could you not tell her you’re leaving yet? 2 days?!”

I know, I know but I was never able to find the right time to tell her. There isn’t one. I went for a walk to think and I was finally returning to our apartment in Portland. When I opened the door I saw Y/N asleep on the couch, smiling softly I quietly made my way over to her and picked her up. Carrying her to our room, she clung to me like a koala and it was pretty cute. I laid her down as gently as I could, covering her with a blanket I quietly made my way to the kitchen to make dinner. After I finished, I went to wake her so we could eat together and talk about our day. I also decided that I was finally going to tell her I was leaving. I really hope she forgives me.

“Y/N?” I said softly while shaking her awake.

“Wha- Toby?” She asked still half asleep.

“Yeah babe it’s me.”

“Back from your walk already?”

“I was gone for almost 2 hours, love.” I said chuckling

“I’ve been asleep that long?”

“Seems like it babe. Dinner’s ready, you ready to eat?”

“Mhm. Carry me, please?”

“Of course my love, anything for you.”

As I picked her up and carried her to the table I couldn’t help but think of all the little things about her I would miss.I’m going to miss her Y/H/C hair, I’ll miss her Y/E/C eyes, the way her nose twitches like a bunny when she’s going to sneeze, the way she tosses and turns in her sleep, only settling when she finds my hand and intertwines our fingers, her ever contagious laugh and most of all I’ll miss her beautiful smile. I know pictures, video chats and phone calls are a thing but none of them come close to the real thing.

“Here we are. We’re having your favorite. Y/F/D”

“Oh, baby. You’re so sweet. Thank you.” She said, caressing my cheek and giving me a gentle kiss.

“Anything for you.”

“Can we get ice cream for dessert?”

“Of course we can.” If you haven’t broken up with me by then. I thought

We ate comfortably, talking about anything and everything and laughing to our hearts content. We would share sweet kisses here and there and I found myself falling for her all over again. I suddenly didn’t want to go anywhere. Wherever she is, is where I belonged and I didn’t want to break her heart and mine by leaving but I knew I had to. She was just starting to pull me to the car to go get ice cream like I said but I stopped her in her tracks when I blurted everything out.

“I’m leaving!”

“What? What’re you talking about? Leaving where?”

“I’m-I’m leaving you. I’m not breaking up with you!” I said quickly as I saw her eyes fill with tears.

“Then what the hell do you mean by “Leaving me.” Tobin?”

She let go of my hand and shoved me away from her, she was already angry and I hadn’t even told her the whole situation.

“I was offered a deal to play for Arsenal and I took it.” I said quietly

“When do you leave?”

“Saturday.”

“Saturday?! Tobin, that’s 2 days from now!”

“I know, okay?!”

“How long have you known?”

“What?”

“I said, How. Long. Have. You. Known?” Her voice was dangerously low and I knew I had to tell her the truth. 

“Since the beginning of December.”

“December?! That was 3 months ago Tobin!”

“I’m aware of that thank you!”

“If you knew for that long, why the fuck didn’t you tell me?”

“I was scared, Y/N! I was scared okay?”

“Scared of what?!”

“Of losing you!”

“Oh my god Tobin! So let me get this straight, you were scared that if you told me about Arsenal that I would break up with you?”

“Yes!”

“Then how is telling me 2 days before you get on a plane and fly a world away from me supposed to make it any better?!”

“I don’t know. Y/N, I’m sorry.”

She was crying now and knowing that I was the reason tore me apart.

“How could you do this to me?”

Her voice was quiet but full of emotion, she refused to look at me.

“Y/N… Please, I’m sorry. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do.” I said, reaching to take her hand but once again she pushed me away.

“Y/N…Please.”

I was trying but failing miserably to hold it together and I knew that if she told me to go I’d respect her wishes but I’d be leaving my heart behind.

“I love you. You are the love of my life but, I don’t think I can forgive you for this.” She said, her voice cracking and lip quivering.

“Y/N, no… please don’t do this.”

“I thought you would be honest with me Tobin. That was one of the promises we made to each other at the beginning of this relationship. You know how important honesty is to me.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I really am and I’ll keep saying that everyday until you forgive me.”

“No. I don’t want some stupid apology! An “I’m sorry.” Can’t fix this!”

“Can we please just talk this out? I’ll do anything. Anything, for you.”

“Stop! Don’t say that!”

“Don’t say what?!”

“That you’ll do “Anything.” For me.” 

“But I would. You know that!”

“I thought I did, obviously not.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Promising to do anything for someone you’re in a relationship with, means that sometimes you have to make sacrifices.”

“I’ve made plenty of sacrifices, what are you talking about?!”

I was shocked she was talking about “making sacrifices” if anyone had made any for this relationship, it was me.

“Really?! When was the last time you made one?”

“When I moved into this apartment with you! You know how important my parent’s house was to me but you made me sell it anyways to live with you!”

“Oh, please. Seriously Tobin? Who requested a transfer of teams, spent all of their savings to buy this apartment and moved all the way across the country so we could be together?!”

“I never asked you to do that, and you know it. That was a decision you made.”

“I wanted us to work!”

“We already were!”

“We never saw each other, and we fought constantly. I sacrificed everything I had, for you! For us!”

“Your career has flourished since you got here!”

“That’s irrelevant right now. Just don’t go, simple.”

“I have to. I already agreed that I would.”

“So call them and say you changed your mind.”

“It’s not that simple. This could better my career, don’t you want that for me?”

“Not if it means leaving me behind.”

“What? So everything is about you now?”

“I’ve made you more important than my career, why can’t you do the same for me?”

“I never asked you to!”

“You didn’t have to, you said it with you actions and how you treated me before I moved here.”

“At this moment, I have to put myself first. I have to take this chance. I can’t put you above my career, I’m sorry.” I said standing my ground.

“If you’re planning to marry me, which by the looks of the diamond ring I found, you are, you need to call them and tell them you’re staying here.”

“Wait, what?” 

I had hidden a ring in a place I thought she wasn’t going to find it way before I accepted the deal with Arsenal. She knows?

“Yeah Tobin, I found the ring.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying you’re sorry! What, were you planning on proposing to me and then leaving? Wow, what an engagement gift.”

“No! It’s not like that. I bought the ring before going overseas was even in the picture.”

“Either way, I don’t want anything to do with you Tobin. You broke my trust and my heart.”

“You don’t think my heart is just as broken having to do this?!”

“Not really! If it was, you wouldn’t go.”

“I have to! Why can’t you just let me?”

“I can, but if you do I won’t wait for you.”

“So you’re not even going to try to make this work?”

She turned on her heel and stormed into our room, taking the ring from its hiding spot. She came back and shoved it into my chest, that was enough for me to know that it was over.

“Get out.”

“I’m sor- I’ll go, but I need to come back for my stuff before I leave.” I said, grabbing my jacket and motorcycle helmet.

“I don’t care, just go.” She said.

She wouldn’t even look at me, having moved as far away from me as possible. I opened the door, and in what felt like painfully slow motion I turned to look at her one more time.

“I love you, Y/N L/N. You are the love of my life and always will be.”

I went through the door, closing it softly. Waiting for a moment, I listened, and through the door I heard her heartbreaking sobs, loud and full of anguish. I knew I had hurt her in an irrepairable way by doing this and for all the things I had said but it was too late to take it back. I rested my head on the door wishing, waiting for her to open it and forgive me but I knew it wasn’t going to happen.

“I’m so sorry Y/N.”

I left the apartment complex in a rush, my heart in pieces over the end of our 4 year relationship. I know I had messed up big time but I thought we would be able to work though it and handle the distance, but I guess I was wrong.

When I returned to the apartment 2 days later I was surprised to find my key still worked. When I went inside I noticed that all my stuff was in the living room in a several boxes. It was organized and there was a note sitting on top.

“Tobin,

I got all your stuff together for you so it’d be easier for you to take. I also ordered you a moving truck because I know you forgot. While I still love you and wish you the best at your new club, It was too hard for me to be in the apartment when you came to get your things. You won’t be seeing me again. I’m sorry things between us ended this way. I will always love you, but I hope you find someone new and that you are able to move on from this.”

-Y/N L/N

I crumpled up the note and threw it across the room. All my emotions from the last few days finally spilled out and I collapsed on the floor. I cried until I couldn’t breath, my head was spinning and I felt like I was dying. I laid there for what felt like hours (It was 10 minutes) before I finally gathered the strength to get up and start taking my stuff downstairs. True to her word, there was a moving truck waiting for me outside.

“Uhh… Tobin Heath?” The guy asked

“That’s me.”

After another hour or so I had everything in the truck and was ready to leave. I got on my bike and rode to my friends house and from there I would go to the airport where I would catch my plane to the United Kingdom. I was leaving my bike with a trusted friend of mine, Alex. Getting on that plane was one of the most painful things I had to do, aside from leaving Y/N behind. I knew I could move on like she said but it would take a long time before I was even close to that.

2 years later…

It’s been 2 years since I moved overseas to play for Arsenal and after initially being hesitant and struggling to get in the groove of things, I now found myself at home here. I had made friends quickly, and the team had no problem accepting me as a member of their squad. My best friend Jordan Noobs was my rock, my person. She helped me through my heartache when I first got here and has stuck by me ever since. We got along great and instantly connected, she was a crack up and constantly kept me on my toes. I still traveled to the states sometimes but only for national team duties, nothing else. My national teammates knew what happened with Y/N and some of them were mad at me for it but we’re working on our relationships and doing better. I did still think of Y/N from time to time but I had moved on from the unbearable heartache I had originally felt. I wasn’t dating anyone but I was happy where I was.

“Yo, Jordan! Pass it!” I shouted across the field, our chemistry on the field was unmatched and we almost always played together in games. We were in a scrimmage at training and as per usual we were making all of our passes to each other and helping each other score.

“Tobin! Head it!” She yelled back as she crossed the ball to me and I headed it passed the goalie, Manuela Zinsberger. 

“Nice, T! Way to nail em!” She said running over to me and crushing me in a hug. 

“Only thanks to you J!” 

After we wrapped up training Jordan, some of our other teammates and I all went out to eat. I was so engrossed in our conversation about which was better, Pepsi or Coke that I didn’t know my phone was ringing until Jordan pointed it out.

“Tobin?... You gonna get that?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Excuse me just a sec, I’ll be right back.”

I looked at the screen and my heart stopped seeing the name Y/n L/N flash across it for the first time in 2 years. I never found the strength in myself to delete her number. I almost let it go to voicemail, I was standing frozen to my spot by the bathrooms but I snapped out of it at the last second and answered it.

“Hello?... Y/N?”

“Hi Tobin, good to hear you voice again.”

“You’re calling because?…” It came out harsher then intended but I wasn’t open to feeling heartbroken all over again.

“I uhh, I’m in town and was wondering if you wanted to get coffee and chat?” She asked nervously.

“You want to see me?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Why?”

“I want to try to make amends for what happened between us.”

“I’m the one who left you.”

“Yes but I broke up with you, remember?”

“Okay, and?”

“Look, Tobin will you please just meet me somewhere... please?”

I was silent for a moment, mulling over my options. I was conflicted, I was happy here and I had finally gotten over losing her. But there was a part of me that wanted to see her, I had missed her and wanted to make amends too. So after another moment I finally agreed.

“Where?”

“The coffee shop down the road from the pub in mid-town. Be there at 8?”

“Okay, 8 o’clock. See you.”

“See you then.”

I returned to the table and did my best to conceal the shocked “Just seen a ghost” look I’m sure I was sporting. Jordan tried to ask me what was up but I just said I’d fill her in tomorrow and with that I grabbed my jacket and left to go meet Y/N.

To say I was nervous was an understatement but I wasn’t backing out now. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen when I saw her for the first time in 2 years, I could only hope I wouldn’t be left heartbroken again.

//

Wow. okay, I listened to some depressing ass songs in order to be able to write that. breaking my own heart in the process, whoops. I hope I did it justice. 

Sorry for any mistakes.

-N

[nina-skamfan-16]

A rainy day and the sun that was present despite the fact that it was raining did not give up and was still as radiant as a diamond illuminated by a light, and there were two people in love who had plans which were to go shopping, and then buy something for dinner and buy something extra to eat while they were watching a movie, and well they couldn't go since the weather wasn't good for them, Sander had proposed the idea that he was going to go buy something to eat somewhere. supermarket nearby, since she did not want her boyfriend to get wet in the rain, much less

caught a cold, so he left Robbe who was still sleeping in the small and simple room that the two shared since Robbe had communicated his decision to stay at his house for a while until things with his parents were sorted out somehow, in the end Everything had ended in a divorce divorce that made his parents go their separate ways, Robbe's father kept custody of him until he turned 18, which was not long before and while his mother visited him from time to time , and when Robbe turned 18 his father left without saying anything and Robbe's mother did not visit him more often, and without any explanation despite the thousands of calls that Robbe had made, he still did not answer until this He decided to really see what was happening and when he discovered it, the answer to it was that his mother already had a partner and children, which were children that his partner had had with his previous partner, he discovered all this Or since when Robbe was finding out through his mother's friends that for him they were like his second parents, they told him all that, they apologized for the suddenness of all this, and that he regretted that his mother had not told him herself, And that perhaps he did not tell him why he was ashamed or beyond that, in the end Robbe thanked that and with that he told himself that despite the fact that this whole situation is difficult for him, he was not alone but still he could not avoid crying, ask himself what he had done, if perhaps it was all his fault, that day he ran to his boyfriend's house, since he could not bear to be like this anymore, and when Sander had barely opened the door, Robbe hugged him loudly crying, and Sander asked him: "love what's up?" what's wrong? and Robbe that day told him everything that had happened with his mothers and with himself more than anything, and Sander that day proposed to Robbe that if he wanted to stay at home for as long as he wanted and Robbe nodded and thanked him Sander a lot that day and Sander told him that he had nothing to thank since he was always going to make the rock from which he was taking it so that nothing or nobody would make him fall, and that is how time passed and Robbe stayed in shape permanent in Sander's house m obvious Sander was not complaining, but was grateful to have him every day, every morning, every night, every year, every forever in his life. Anyway Sander went to buy something for dinner, and when he returned home his boyfriend was setting the table for dinner and Robbe asked him, "Can I help you love?" and Sander gave him the bags to take to the kitchen to start cooking, and when they had the things set in the kitchen, Sander started making the pasta he had bought and Robbe made the tomato sauce for the pasta, apart from putting water in the kettle to drink coffee while they served pasta, while they cooked Sander glanced at his boyfriend who was concentrating on what he was doing and when Robbe noticed a look on him very constant, and could not help but turn red, and Sander approached him and whispered: "I love when you turn red when I look at you constantly like now, well I love everything about you darling", and this kiss on the cheek and Robbe at that smiled and kissed him on the cheek, and Sander took the opportunity to gently take him by the waist and kiss him sweetly smiling on the lips of his boyfriend, and they had to separate since or else everything was going to burn, and well everything was ready and they both sat down to table to eat, they looked at each other smiling, with one of their hands held on the table, saying to each other with their eyes and the caresses that they gave each other's hands with so much love and with their hearts beating, already if their dinner, just the two of them, in their world, in their own universe where they were one. When they had both finished eating, washing the dishes as well, they went straight to the sofa to watch the movie they had planned to see until they had both fallen asleep with their foreheads joined, their hugs tightly knit, and their hearts telling each other

how much they knew. they love each other, and especially only them in every part of their lives, in all existing universes.

#sobbe #sander #robbe #becausebotharetheforceboth

[secretlittlerandezvous]

The Cliffs Of Étretat - Olli Määttä

Summary: The reader always wanted to go to France. Olli takes her there and prepares an unexpected surprise at an unexpected place.

Note:This one was requested by this gorgeous babe @coocoocatchoo! I hope you like this. I enjoyed writing this 💘💘 (Btw someone show this to my boyfriend for inspiration)

Words: 1400

“I long for your arms around me. I long for your warmth to keep me company. I long for you to be by my side.”

Olli wanted something special for their vacation. He set his mind to take her on the best vacation possible a few months ago when the hockey season started again. He was aware of how hard it was on her when he was away on road trips or tired from the games. She put on a brave face each time he canceled a date and supported him no matter how sad or disappointed she was. Olli never fully believed her, but she never lied when she said she understood and that it was fine with her. Y/n knew what she was getting herself into the first time they met, and she accepted the hard truth of dating a hockey player; distance, never enough of free time, canceled dates, and sharing him with everyone else. She understood it all and she fully supported him no matter what. Olli was aware she had to sacrifice a lot and he decided to always do whatever he could to make each date and each vacation unforgettable. Four years ago, when he took her on the first date he asked her about her dreams. Her dream was to travel and one of her most desired destinations was Northern France. Now, after four years of dating, after dozens of tropical destinations they visited together it was time to take her to the place she always wanted to see the most.

They spend a couple of days in Paris and then the couple moved on to discover the cities of Northern France. Olli didn’t care about the beauty of the cities, small villages, and nature as much as she did because he had other things in mind. He liked to stop and watch her fall in love with the smallest of things, he adored her smile or how excited she looked while taking pictures. He chuckled at her when she happily ran from place to place and when she couldn’t decide what to see and do next. She wanted to discover everything.

Both of them felt quite differently. It was something entirely different, some other kind of joy. It was the feeling of complete happiness, a feeling of being content with everything, and everyone. The vacation had a good impact on not only their mood and feelings but also on their relationship. It was just the two of them, no family and friends, no teammates and coworkers, no fans. Just Olli and Y/n. She didn’t want to admit it but he knew anyway how jealous she was when she had to share him with so many people and how she wanted to keep him to herself just for a few days. Olli enjoyed how they were never disturbed by anyone, he got to hold Y/n’s hand for as long as he wanted, he could kiss her and tell her how beautiful she looked without anyone bothering them.

They were in Étretat. A beautiful village in Normandy and they were both stunned by the beauty of its nature. When they looked out of the window in the mornings, they saw locals walking through the cobblestone streets. Some of them were on their way to the market. This activity was something the couple picked up on and they started each morning like the locals by buying some fresh cheese and pastry for the breakfast and from time to time some olive oil and good wine. Some were on their way to work while others were just now coming home.

“Olli! Will you finally tell me where you are taking me?” She asked faking an angry voice and then she laughed because she knew he didn’t buy it. She loved surprises and she was beyond excited to see what Olli planned for them, but she was also getting a little impatient.

“Come on babe,” he yelled from the distance. She looked over her shoulder only to realize how far away he already was. Y/n spent the last five minutes or so sitting on the cliff watching the waves crash against the cliff and trying to figure out what Olli planned to surprise her with. This whole time she believed he was right behind her. The sounds of waves and the scent of air filled her with nostalgia. “We need to hurry up before it gets too dark.” With that Y/n stood up and ran towards Olli to catch up with him.

“For how long you are gonna keep it to yourself?”

“We’re almost there,” he said with a smile. “You’ll see for yourself soon enough.”

They climbed the cliffs, walked through the endless tunnels in the rocks, they took in each moment, each smell and sound as they wanted to remember this forever. Y/n thought Olli wanted to catch the sunset at the beach and have a romantic evening and so she didn’t expect to see what she did when they arrived to the beach. Right between the huge rocks, there was a small table with two chairs, a long white tablecloth with dozens of candles and flowers decorated it perfectly together with a bucket of food and champagne. A floral and bulb decked up frame stood above the table and the view at the sea added to the magic.

“Olli!” She yelled out in excitement before she covered her face nervously because she felt her eyes watering and cheeks getting more red with each second. “This is so beautiful!” She whispered as she walked closer to the romantic setting.

“I promised you it will be worth the wait,” Olli said with a cocky grin as they both sat down. “Well, at least I hope it was.”

“Are you kidding? This is beyond beautiful Olli!”

“I’m glad,” he said with a satisfied smile on his face. He checked his pocket one more time before he stood up walked up to Y/n.

“Olli?” Y/n asked with a shaky voice unsure of what he was doing.

“My dear Y/n,” he grabbed her hands and she intuitively stood up while he got down on one knee. “All jokes and all sarcasm aside, I cannot live without seeing you dance while you prepare the breakfast or without your sassy attitude. I think it would be impossible to live without your support and cheerfulness. I want you by my side for the rest of my days and mostly I want to spend the rest of my life proving you how much I love you. Y/n, the love of my life, will you marry me?”

As he said the last sentence, he opened the little box he had in his hand the entire time and reached out for her hand. He kissed her to calm her down because he noticed she was shaking and then he slid the diamond ring on her finger. She stared at him as the tears fell down her face, the wide smile never left her face, and every time she opened her mouth to say something she started crying even more. Olli, although he believed in a positive answer was getting nervous, his hands were sweating, and his heart was beating so fast he thought it would jump out of his chest in any second. After a while, she started nodding her head in a shock and kneeled down to hug him. “Yes! It’s a thousand times yes!” She whispered once she calmed down.

“Thank god,” Olli breathed out, all nervousness left the moment she finally answered, and his heartbeat eventually slowed down a little. “I promise to be the best husband and the best dad in the world.” He said and then he kissed her deeply.

“And I promise the same to you,” she nodded. “I mean to be the best wife and the best mom.” She said jokingly. They could never be serious together for longer than a few minutes. They were constantly joking and being sarcastic together.

Y/n rested her head on his chest, his hand was protectively wrapped around her while the other hand stroked her cheek. Every once in a while, he kissed the top of her head while she adored the beautiful ring on her finger. “I love you so much Olli.” She said softly looking up at him.

“I love you just the same,” he said with a bright smile.

[xsecretblastsx]

1x08 - Seventeen Candles

It took me longer than intended (again) but here’s the recap for this episode, which is another of my all time faves. 

Once again posting under a break because this got way too long. 

Thoughts I had while watching the episode:

The start of this episode is hilarious. There’s being melodramatic, and then there’s Blair Waldorf, guess that’s what happens when one surrenders their virtue to a self absorbed ass. 

Seriously the way she describes the whole thing to the priest is so funny. Also 20 minutes? wow girl. Thank god he’s a total pig who will act as if it never happened... yeah

Vanessa? Serena. To be honest I wouldn’t put it past him

One wants to be open minded and be kinder and objective with characters I hated the first time around, but God Vanessa is so annoying

Blair coming out of the church, exchanging her little facinator for those glasses, “one week of danger” playing in the background is just one of those scenes that really got stuck in my mind, girl’s killing it

“Would you consider avoiding me over breakfast?” this is so one of my fave scenes of them, it sets the mood so much. 

Nate’s parents are so patronizing 

Remember when mp3 players were a thing?... somethings never change though, like parents having to deal with teens isolating themselves via earphones.

I still don’t like the Vanderbilt Ring, also llike “im not asking you to get engaged son, but please give your girlfriend this engament ring” and the way Anne say’s it, Nate’s mom is such a pro at emotional blackmail.

Blair jumping around in her room, thanking God because her boyfriend bought the diamond necklace, aww. Also this is so relatable, the jumping around obviously, not the diamonds.

I sort of have a soft spot for Chuck standing akwardly behind the door not knowing how to deal with his best friend..,this is such a disaster waiting to happen and I’m loving it

Smooth Chuc, hiding the little gift back before Nate notices it (gotta confess I didn’t notice he did this the first time around, oh the pleasures of a rewatch)

Typical, your best friend that never pays attention for once is catching up on the little facts, like you shouldn’t know he broke up with his girlfriend

Though... If the town car was waiting for Nate to take him to Victrola, and it’s Blair the one that ends up using, shouldn’t have Nate realized that Blair and Chuck saw each other last ninght

The good old days when Chuck cared only about three things “Money, the pleasures money gave him, and Nate”, and even then when he’s saying it, is already kind of a lie.

He may have his own agenda, but yeah regardless Nate did needed to put a stop with his parents 

She’s been in like three episodes and she already has invated herself to like two UES parties already, wow Vanessa.

“you wish, no you wish” and then the butterflies!!!!! This is a scene that admitedly I’ve seen more than once already and I love it every time. Chuck’s a delight here.

The real first of one of those shared moments of Jenny and Nate... the fist tase I would said.

“Blair about Vanessa being like This is such a problem” you don’t know the half of it.

That little wage was so pointless, as if Chuck would have left Blair alone.

Watching them play guitar hero is making me so nostalgic.

“You didn’t tell her?” she may say it wiht a smile and innocent eyes, but no Vanessa, I don’t buy it, and it was bitchy.

You get grosser by the minute, and you get older” :’) also, that’s a really pretty cake.

Happy Birthday B! What a bitch

Nate finally growing some spine and putting a stop to his parents manipulations.

Seriously how pretty is that necklace. Also I’ve never really thought it but Blair probably wore that dress (which I love) and her hair up because her previous call to the jeweler.

Serena’s face in the end is prceless is just like “oh god no, what a mess”

I missed Lily

Honestly 1x07&1x08 are some of my favorite episodes in the whole series. And this rewatch hasn’t changed that. While 1x07 is in some ways the turning point of the show, this is the first episode that Chuck and Blair are one of the main plots, and since the start it doesn’t dissapoints.

One of the things I love about this episode is how teenage-ry it feels. The focus of the episode is typical teenage drama: break ups, hook ups, a bit of jelousy between the girlfriend and the best friend. Made me a tad nostalgic, and much more interested in the storylines involving the young cast. In part because I honestly don’t care about the Humphrey family drama, and by this point is obvious how shitty Nate’s parents are. Also there was no rufly which I’ve enjoyed a lot the past few episodes.

So, this episode is the one where the little animosity between Serena and Vanessa comes to an end, and it just shows that in the end Serena is very understanding and also really friendly, I do like that it never actually evolves into a catfight, seriously is a shame to see girls fight for a guy, worse if the guy is Dan Humphrey. There was also Nate and Jenny, which I enjoyed because this was the first real tease of what could be between them... it’s also the moment where Nate finally decides that the best for him and Blait is to break up, so far my main issue with Nate is that he lacked the nerve to really do what he needed to do, from breaking up with Blair to standing up to his parents, he does both this episode. Finally

Obviously Chuck and Blair were my favorite part or the episode. Lowkey is a very telling episode about how they see each other, and their eventual dynamic.

One side there’s Blair. Beyond how hilarious it is to see her confessing at church after sleeping with Chuck Bass, one line in her tirade is quite interesting: “he’s a pig who will act like it never happened”. If one thinks about what we been showed of Chuck so far this is in many ways a very logical conclussion. To Blair’s surprise he does no such thing: he seeks her out for breakfest and it’s clearly no interested in pretending it never happened, he’s actually embracing it, Blair wants to go back to how things were before; the only life she knows

Sure last night she realized that her relationship with Nate had reached it’s end, and that there was much relief in that because in many ways her failing relationship with Nate was a constant reminder of all her insecurities, and that relief led her to just be and do whatever, and what she did well that wasn’t on the plan at all. “No one of my friends would understand” and I guess in a way she doesn’t understand her impulses either, and Blair doesn’t deal well with change, and so she goes into denial mode, and that means gaining her boyfriend back.

And so the episode goes and we see her on and on trying to grasp to her Nate once more, and Chuck is constantly there telling her basically two things: 1) let’s do it again because what happened yesterday won’t leave my mind, and that’s weird and 2) accept reality, in this case you and Nate are done. She stubornly holds to her ideas until everything crashes around her, and once it does Chuck’s still there, and she finally sees him, listens and gives in. And just like the song last episode in retrospective is almost a preview of how their relationship is going to play out, their behavior this episode is also a preview of what ends up being a predominant dynamic their whole relationship, the details and circunstances are going to vary, but Blair’s going to hold with eveything she has to what she believes her life should be, the script she wants that it’s probably best without Chuck and him trying to prove her wrong and that best option is them.

Whereas Blair’s actions are consisten to what we know of her so far, Chuck’s actions doesn’t. So far he’s been a giant asshole to all the female population, a self absorbed womanizer who once he got wanted is like “thank u, next”. Sure he and Blair are close friends but still, to him sex is just sex and she knows how he is, that’s why he asked her if she was sure. That’s what we know and what we could have expected of him. Instead he seeks her out, and when he rejects him, he still doesn’t hesitate her and he goes out a buy hers the gift she’s expecting from her boyfriend. Who happens to be his best friend

From the episode where Nate gets tricked by Carter we learned how loyal Chuck is to Nate and that their friendship is really important to him. And yet he doesn’t hesite to try to stir him far far away from Blair, sure the advices he gives him is good for Nate but he says more in the vain of keeping Blair single rather than in Nate’s best interest. Chuck schemes,we know but up until now it was hard to picture him scheming against him.

The more interesting bit for me is however the first scene between him and Blair at the balcony; not only because it points to the fact that these characters are equals “you forget who you’re talking to, so do you” but mainly because of the answer he gives when Blair ask him if he likes her, he doesn’t denies it he even admits to having butterfies and sure he claims he is ashamed and suprised by it even bactracks a little but it’s a very quick admission anyway, and it makes me wonder the why of it. Why is he so eager to explore this? It’s not his style and if he wanted only sex he knows he could achieved that easily some where else

It’s obvious they had chemistry between them, and that in itself may be a good reason, but to me it’s probably because on some subconcious level he liked her even before this. It’s not that I picture him pining for her in the background for her waiting sadly for the day she dumped Nate, more like he was lowkey always fascinated by her, on the earlier episodes there is more than one shot of him in the background watching her closesly, with a knowing smirk and amused by whatever she did.

So there’s this girl he finds interesting, extremely atractive, and also a close friend that he gets along really well to the point of being the one he takes to see his first business venture, and know she’s unattached and he also enjoyed quite a lot having sex with her, and for the first time he really stops to think about it and it’s quite obvious there was something there, fluttering, he’s just noticing it now because he can.

That scene where he gaves her the necklace he has being somewhat in smarmy mode before but when he see she’s hurt he tries to make her happy and as honest as he can be, last episode when it was just a dare between friends he tells her she’s ten times hotter than the dances, this episode he says “something this beautiful deserves to be seen on someone worthy of it’s beauty” the diference in sentiment is amazing because now there’s feeling behind it, and it’s such an honest and tender moment, this is the moment when the posibilty of Chuck and Blair finally takes root in both their minds (also that shoulder kiss is one of my favorite details ever through the show)

For the longest time I didn’t believe he felt something for her pre limo, but the more I think about it especially the way things happen later, for him to be that into her since the first moment and how it hit him when things went wrong it had to be because it was something he had felt in some way for a time, he’s not surprised because he felt something for the first time, I think he’s surprised by how much and because he quite can’t believe it’s a possibilty, this something he never dared to really think about.

Random bits:

Silas was the creepy monk in the Da Vinci Code right?

They actually used the demo version of “one week of danger” in this episode, I’ve heard the actual finished one, but I’m ruined and prefer the demo one.

Search TM, because we can’t use google’s name

Falling like Britney at the VMA’s, it’s hard to think that was so long ago.

I love Serena’s dress, chic and comfy. 

[lizzybeth1986]

Quick Thoughts on TRH Book 1, Chapter 13 (One Last Yeehaw)

• It's the chapter everyone's been waiting for! We're pregnant, we get to tell our spouses, we get to tell our friends, we get to tell the courtly ladies, Olivia wears leather, our MCs get to buy a crib for an poppy seed-sized something in their womb that doesn't even know what hands and legs are yet (forget cribs), and the best news of all...WE ARE FINALLLY LEAVING TEXAS!!!!

• If you don't want to see this post on your dash, these are the tags to block: #trh quick thoughts, #trh qts, #trh qt reblogs and #long post.

• Screenshots:

Hana: The Universal Studios 77 YouTube channel

Drake: @thefirstcourtesan and the HIMEME YouTube channel

Maxwell: @itsbrindleybinch

Title: Spreading the Word

Alternative Title: It's a Child, Not the Gospel 🤦🏽‍♀

• Before I start talking about the chapter...storytime!

• Sooo...my first pregnancy was a couple of years ago. And I like telling the story of how I broke it to my husband coz it is pretty damn funny. We'd been trying for two years, and had a couple of times when our tests would be met with a disappointing negative. So by the time I did get pregnant, the hubby was a little wary of hoping too soon.

• I had an inkling just before my periods were expected to arrive, because I found myself flopping down on the bed immediately after work, without even making dinner. No morning sickness, no giddiness initially, just constantly feeling so tired. Anyway, hubby insisted I wait a couple days more before a test because he was too afraid of getting his hopes up, and I agreed.

• I took my test around 4 or 5 that morning? And had to wait a couple minutes for the lines...and THERE WERE TWO. Do you really think I could keep such news to myself for more than ten seconds?? (even that was too much). Of course I was going to shake poor hubby awake and show him the test.

• It took five vigorous shakes to wake the poor guy up, and as soon as he was somewhat awake I shoved the test in his face (I was excited ok! 🙈) forgetting that without his glasses he couldn't see shit (very high power). "I can't see anything," he said sleepily, so I gave him his glasses. Ensuing conversation went as follows.

H: There are two lines.

Me: Yeah...sooooo...? 😀😀

H (sudden realization what two lines are supposed to mean): OMG there are two lines??? *sleepy smile*

Me: YES. I'M PREGNANT.

H (weakly): Yayyyy. (pause)...can I go back to sleep now?

Me: But what will I do???

H: You also sleep.

Me (running on sheer adrenaline now) : I CAN'T SLEEP I JUST FOUND OUT I'M PREGNANT.

H: Oooookay. (is too sleepy at this point to process anything).

Me: (excitedly hops over to Google at 5.20 in the morning and types out "I'm 4 weeks pregnant now what")

LMAO. That first pregnancy was quite something.

• The chapter begins with the MC sending her spouse a text. Depending on whether you mentioned a surprise, mentioned that you need to have a talk or texted emojis instead, the LI will react accordingly.

• With the surprise option, the LI flirts with her. With "we need to talk", they appear tense and believe she's angry with them. The emoji option is the funniest, coz the MC sends a string of emojis with the last one being this: 🍞, and the LIs are confused and referencing the bread (I've seen only two routes of this one - Liam talks about the Cordonian Baker's Festival which will only happen after a couple months, and Hana speaks about a bread course). The MC is puzzled at first, then gets to choose how to tell her spouse the news.

• AAAAAND NOW THEY KNOW.

Liam: Ecstatic and excited at the thought of holding his own child in his arms. Immediately after, he worries over the preparations they will need to make, the childproofing of the throne room and the things they will need to get ready, and it is the MC who calms him down.

I personally love that the narrative makes a mention of Liam "recentering himself" here, because it does show me that this is a rare display of raw emotion, of Liam letting go of his control, and you get a glimpse of what calming down for him looks like. Wish it hasn't taken four books to actually muster up the effort to write that.

Hana: One of the sweetest reactions ever - "We're going to be moms?" and a hearty squeal after that. She then becomes emotional and teary, cries with joy. There's some gentle teasing of each other where they call each other "cute", and then Hana tells her she's so glad she gets to share both this moment and this entire journey of pregnancy with the MC.

Hana doesn't show many signs of her intensive planning in this particular scene, because this - again - calls for raw emotion where the LI basically forgets their "normal" and truly savours that moment, but we do see signs of the same type of planning in other scenes.

Maxwell: WHOOPS with joy and excitement as soon as he realizes. Wants to scream out the news on a mountaintop. He promises the MC that their family will be the most awesome, most fun one that the kingdom has ever seen.

I love how Maxwell's overall vibe in this chapter seems to reflect his family situation - he definitely wants to be the exact opposite to his own child what his father has been to him. It's a pity they don't explore that enough.

Drake: Wild with joy, can't stop grinning. But also worried about whether he is being careless with the MC and is overly concerned for her. Calls her not just by her surname but also her first name. I wonder if that should be added to my Book 1 tallies 😂

• That TRR lullaby music is going to be played so much after this that we'll eventually get sick of it. I know it. I know it already.

• The LIs also get to check in with the MC about how she's feeling, and you as the reader get to decide how she is feeling at the moment (ecstatic, nervous, scared?). We also get the option to decide when to break the news to our friends (at the reception itself, or the next morning at breakfast). I think enough of us had an axe to grind with Savannah and Bertrand for the stunt they pulled (with our help) last book, that most people slammed that "reception" button like their lives depended on it.

• The LIs also act in different ways before their friends find out about the pregnancy:

Liam and Hana both dote on the MC, and Hana specifically keeps the MC's dietary restrictions in mind (gets sparkling water/orange juice in place of champagne/mimosas, asks about caffeine content/salmon during breakfast - this varies depending on when you make the announcement). With Drake, the group figures out that he has something on his mind because he's grinning nonstop, and Maxwell tries really really hard to hint at the MC's pregnancy by using phrases like 'bun in the oven' and 'expecting', and gives up in frustration when no one catches on.

• There are three ways you can tell the news to the group - if you're at the reception, you can leave them to guess, get the LI to announce via loudspeaker or scream it out. If you're at home, the same three options except the second one is simply the LI delivering the news in a more low-key manner.

•

YOU'RE SUCH DORKS ISTG.

• Bertrand is happy for us but Savannah is surprisingly (to my great joy) nowhere to be found.

• CELEBRATORY DIAMOND SCENE. For 30 diamonds, which is usually reserved either for finales or turning-point diamond scenes. Again, these scenes deal with the newness of it all, the jubilation, the end of a (not very long, actually) wait, and the LIs get to talk about family.

•

The sex part is 🔥 🔥 🔥 as usual, but the parts that really justify the 30 diamonds we're spending come before and after that. Each LI, as I've mentioned before, responds differently, but the thread that connects them all is the awe and wonder at this new life, and their plans and worries for the future (Good. You all should be worried if Olivia's diamond scene is anything to go by).

- Liam: In the pre-sex portion, the focus is on celebrating this moment they have alone - as parents - together, because once this news is brought out to the world, both they and their child will be thrown into the spotlight. I have spoken in this essay about the kind of upbringing royal children tend to have and the lessons they unknowingly learn in that environment. Liam has gone through this, he is aware his child will go through it too, but he wants the child to have as normal a life as he as a father can provide. This is clear in the last portion of the scene, where he touches the MC's stomach, marvels at the life they both created and - as per the MC's choice - communicates with said child. My favourite option of course is the lullaby, because it's one that Eleanor used to sing to him - and it is interesting how a lot of Liam's memories of an actual parent, doing actual parent-things, is of his mother.

- Hana: In the pre-sex portion, she speaks about how nervous they've both been over whether this pregnancy would happen and the pressure from the court, and how excited she is that that moment is finally here. When the MC asks her if she is nervous or scared, Hana tells her that even though everything that has led up to this (leaving her parents, having a new life in Cordonia) has been unknown and scary, knowing that they will finally have their own family outweighs "all the worries in the world". In the last portion of the scene, they flirt playfully, leading Hana at some point to wonder about whether they should set ground rules if the child is going to be such a charmer. She's already got a whole range of things prepared - from a pregnancy kit to snacks and drinks appropriate for the MC's condition - but the MC encourages her to relax and not worry too much. You can tell that Hana is already in the zone of wanting to be a better parent for her child than her own.

- Maxwell: I find the Maxwell version of this scene really interesting this time, because it deals with both his struggle to change for his child, and his struggle to NOT be the kind of father Bartie Sr was (finally they address this!). The first part of the scene involves Maxwell being his usual excitable self, wanting to scream the news from the rooftops then realising that it might be too risky for his wife. He speaks of wanting to "rewire" himself into "Good Dad mode". The last portion is especially poignant, because he speaks both of what a life without the MC would have been life (an enjoyable Beaumont Bash, but one where he is forever searching for someone, and feeling constantly lonely, like something is missing in his life), and he also promises his wife that he will be the kind of father who will learn and grow from his mistakes, and who will be there whenever his children need him most, not just drop by on the day of their child's wedding.

- Drake: Drake also falls back into old-habit before getting into father-mode - he mentions celebrating with drinks before realizing the MC cannot have them. The MC gets to choose either a non alcoholic beverage or a massage, and as far as I have seen the massage comes with yet another family story about his father massaging a particular spot in his mother's shoulder that would easily tense up. It astounds me how much effort the writers make into making Drake's scenes and exchanges so much more personal than the others. Like the others have their moments in this scene too - but in their cases such moments are the exception, not the norm. In Drake's it's always the norm.

In the aftermath of the scene, the couple get to discuss how they will bring up their child, even though that child will be heir to Cordonia's throne, and get to choose if they want to bring that child up with a sense of normality, or to appreciate the benefits they get from the royal life. In the end, all Drake wants this child to know at the moment is how much their parents love them.

• We now have brunch, hosted by the newlyweds. If we have not yet announced our pregnancy, Bertrand will simply announce us the way a herald would at a royal event before Savannah teases him for doing so, and if we have, he mentions that we are "celebrating the happy news with them once more". Bertrand speaks of being overly formal when he's very happy, and is even happier to mention the word "wife". That'll last.

• Leona gives Bertrand a cup of bourbon as a reward for the way he stood up to Chuck, claiming that she thought of him as a "pretty boy" who knew nothing, but was impressed by his behaviour on the wedding day. At this point I can only roll my eyes and finally celebrate when Auntie Bitch disappears. We've wasted way too much time than necessary on Drake's shitty family.

• If you haven't announced the news, you announce it after this scene. There are a few slight changes, esp the drinks mentioned in certain cases because the brunch is a more relaxed atmosphere than the reception so the food and drink items mentioned are pretty low-key. But everything else is pretty much as is.

• Bertrand and Savannah have a honeymoon to plan, which means we will finally get a break from them too, and Bianca asks us what we're planning in order to celebrate the news. Maxwell suggests getting a gift for the new arrival (9 months before arriving), and Savannah suggests they go to the general store and get something from there. The MC is nervous, because she wasn't exactly planning to meet Cassidy West again. Thankfully, he isn't at the store, so she's pretty safe 😂

•

All the LIs have items they will check out with their friends/wives, but the scene varies related to who the MC married. Minimally in most cases, quite a bit in just one. As usual.

Maxwell shows us baby socks, and realizes that this child is a "miniature human" who will have small-sized everything. Virtually nothing changes in this scene except for Maxwell calling the child "our baby" instead of "yours" in his own playthrough. Everything else is disappointingly identical.

Hana shows us a toy tea set (it's still early days but Hana tells the MC it will be fun to practice and to think of the treats the child can eat from that). If you are married to her, she gets a single line referencing the childhood scene where she waited in vain for her mother at her own tea party.

Liam's scene is the one wit the diamond option - as the King of Cordonia whose entire country's future rides on this child, he is the one who gets to show the MC (+ LI in their respective playthroughs) the crib. There are two variations in this scene - the ones where Liam speaks about "our heir". Other than that, very little difference (though he does mention Constantine in one line later, so I guess that's a plus).

Drake shows the MC a wooden rocking horse. In his friend playthrough, he speaks of the gift as something the child can have to remember "ol' Uncle Drake" by. But if you're married to him, there is a whole set of dialogues where Drake talks of riding horses being part of the Walker DNA, and there is a reference to the secret wedding (riding off into the sunset), and there is interactive banter between the MC and Drake that you don't see much of in the other playthroughs. I wish I could say I'm surprised.

• I mean...seriously??? Maxwell gets NO OTHER VARIATIONS??? Hana's mention of her mother never coming to her tea parties isn't even followed up by a line expressing comfort from the MC????

• Just as we got there options for our nursery decor, we also get three options for the crib (classic, royal, forest fairytale). The royal option is lavish, all gold and cream, and the fairytale option is whimsical, wood finish and the same patterns of forest animals and flowers and leaves as the walls. The classic option is, like its corresponding decor, "very neutral. very baby".

• We exit the shop as quickly as we can either because Maxwell broke a trampoline (in the Liam, Hana and Drake playthroughs), or Hana dropped some teacups (in Maxwell's playthrough).

• Once we're done shopping, we get a call from Olivia, who is at our estate in Valtoria, asking us for the most precious thing in our room. But before she can ask, we tell her we're either furniture shopping or pregnant. The option the writers want us to be choosing is "pregnant", because there's a scene where Olivia secretly happy-cries for us when she learns the news. We can agree to loan her either some fancy shoes, our engagement ring (in the Maxwell playthrough, apparently, there is a reference to the twig ring he made back at the beginning of Book 3) or the Cordonian Royal Sceptre. She isn't sure if she'll come back alive, so she thanks us in case she doesn't.

• The ensuing Olivia diamond scene comes with a chance to figure out what Olivia is upto, an advantage over Auvernal, and a tiny hint at a Nevrakis name for TRM.

• I must say, the writers never cease to go all out for Olivia. Even over the female LI that should have been treated like a co-protagonist. And it's tiring because yet again I'll have to see half the fandom drag Hana just so they can drool over the white girl (in fact I already have).

• Olivia's sprite on the left side of the screen...is going to take some getting used to. It's disorienting. But it's fine after a second one!

• Anyway. She is now at a casino in Monte Carlo, meeting up with Bradshaw and Isabella. She's clearly in super-spy mode, since she refers to the King and Queen of Auvernal as targets rather than their names or titles. She has a better edge over the two if she is honest about her intentions and doesn't pretend she just bumped into them.

• Bradshaw speaks about King Liam sending his 'attack dog' to them and 'not doing his own dirty work' which is hilarious considering this man is from a militaristic society yet doesn't even know the C of combat training and has never done anything besides strategizing.

• Isabella always delivers her stinky, unwarrented opinion as if it holds any weight or has any relevance. In Olivia's case, she mentions Anton's marriage contract with Olivia and wonders aloud how the Queen/Duchess still trusts her enough to allow Olivia in her inner circle after that. All three options to push back at Izzy are 🔥 but my favourite one is "you look like you know all about poor judgement" (which is true, look at who she married).

• Olivia then gambles with Bradfraud and Stinkybella, with whatever the MC chose to give her as stakes. The best option is to simply call Bardfraud on his bluff, because he folds easily. Depending on whether Olivia wins or loses the game, he either asks the guards to place the item in the penthouse, or to get more funds from there. Olivia takes note.

• She then has to make sure she nicks the key to the penthouse from Stinkybella, either by acting tipsy or by coming closer to her for an "awkward hug". Both do the job.

• She learns the following from the penthouse:

- Bradfraud and Stinkybella stay in separate rooms, which means things "aren't as rosy" between them.

- She finds a letter of rejection, doubtless from another royal couple, and this is an indication that they aren't as popular as they pretend to be.

- She finds a map of a land she doesn't recognize (is it Monterisso? Olivia would recognize a map of her own country...and neighboring countries...but who am I fooling it's not like team TRH concerns themselves with such ridiculous things as logic!), which has troop formations on it. They're planning something called Operation Swan. I've heard of "Black Swans" and "Swanning About" used as military terms, but there's not a lot I understand from this. Perhaps this leans more towards a "black swan" idea - where they will launch a surprise attack with a nation they are allying with? IDK.

- Basically, we have enough leverage to win against these two, thanks to Olivia's work.

• In any case, someone comes to the room, and Olivia is on the verge of getting caught. So she'll need to scale her way down.

• This shows us if you have Olivia pray to her ancestors for wings:

(Theodosia is clearly the Renaissance Nevrakis)

• If you don't choose to scale down, Olivia will land on the pool instead, but even then she makes it out okay. She decides to keep an eye out because Bradfraud and Stinkybella could pose as a problem for Liam and the MC.

• Olivia is operating on her own, as far as she has told Bradfraud, but the possibility that Liam is aware of what she is upto still exists. And the MC has no clue even if she is Liam's wife because:

a. The writers are too lazy to code this for Liam, and

b. It's not like the MC puts any effort into finding things out anyway

• We're now leaving the Walker Ranch, a couple hours later, and saying our goodbyes to Drake's mother and aunt. I heave a sigh of relief at the fact that there's no additional "memories" from Bianca become this family has gobbled up enough of our attention. Seems like their horrible attitude was really about the money they didn't get after all (it's a fair gripe to have, but doesn't exactly warrant the attitude they've been throwing around).

• Leona still acts like she did us a huge fucking favour hosting us, even though she was an awful host and seriously deserves to lose her ranch. Bianca tries to be civil but no apologies from her for allowing her son in law to be treated like crap until his wedding day. Seems like all Walkers have a habit of expecting civility from others while giving none.

• Bianca asks us to keep in touch and I'm pretty sure a huge chunk of the fandom said "no way in Yeehaw Hell".

• Liam continues to be mysterious with regards to what Olivia is up to, and Esther - who I HC'd as inquisitive - seems not to care enough to ask more.

• The LI tells us, as we leave, that Kiara, Penelope and Madeleine will be traveling in the jet with us, and it's up to us to decide how we break the news to them. If you own corgis, that features as an option. Two of the options (writing on a cake and announcement by corgi) come with a simple "Coming Soon...The Royal Heir", but the charade one is my favourite 🤭

• Penelope is that particular Drake/Walker Ranch stan who loved the time we spent at the ranch and Kiara is the rest of the fandom, who would much rather be in Cordonia than cooling her heels in Texas.

•

AAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHA.

The MC then tries another charade, one that resembles cradling a baby in her arms, which Kiara takes to mean "American football" (thank God they don't force Cordonians to call it "soccer" anymore), Madeleine takes to mean "a common pirate jig" and Penelope somehow gets the guess right (though Kiara is the one who straight-out says it).

• The ladies are ecstatic, and congratulate us. Penelope calls for drinks, but Kiara has the common sense to add that the drinks should be alcohol-free. Madeleine informs us of the events lined up for us, including the Apple Ball which will doubtless be the ball we will be attending in the finale.

•

There's a small private moment where the LIs dote over the MC more than necessary, wanting to pamper her and keep her in comfort. The MC calms them down, convinces them that they have a very good support system/are a great team together who can achieve anything.

• Mara still finds out about the pregnancy via Maxwell scouring the online shops for corgi-themed onesies even when he is the father. Which makes sense. It's still Good Dad Mode 😁

• In the tiny space of time it took between Madeleine finding out we were pregnant and us talking to people, she managed to schedule a conference for the same day! At least let us confirm the pregnancy with our docs???

• Plus, announcing this early, even if you're not royalty, is pretty risky. You're mostly advised to not disclose it too soon because the first trimester can be a little risky. And there are also cases where your first ultrasound turns out to not be that happy moment where you see that yolk sac and hear its heartbeat, or an ectopic pregnancy 😔. I recall reading about it on pregnancy forums before my first ultrasound (and stressing, but I had to be prepared) and not being satisfied until I confirmed it for myself.

• The writers and the readers know she'll be pregnant because that is what the story is, but perhaps if the team hadn't wasted so much time on the Walker Ranch, they'd at least not have to hurry like this.

• Actually...no. "Hurrying" would be the wrong word. Because they're going to stretch the press conference itself to like two chapters, it seems like. Basically they will spend time on everything that isn't important to the story as long as it's important to their pet character.

• The summary of Chapter 15 (CHAPTER FUCKING FIFTEEN. We're stuck at the beginning of all this even by CHAPTER FIFTEEN) speaks of the press conference heating up, so I'm having an inkling that there will be some pretty heavy stuff being asked in between? Maybe with regards to alliances, or a new scandal, or something else. But it's not going to be easy at all, that much is pretty clear. It's going to be frustrating and there's going to be stuff that will anger the LIs I think. I could be wrong, though.

• Overall this chapter does better in terms of variations even though they still do beef up Drake quite a bit over the others. But at least Liam, Hana and Maxwell get the rare opportunity to briefly address the mistakes (too small a word for what they've done) their parents have made. It's still not enough though. Esp considering the last 9 chapters have seen such an overall of Walker history and Drake's memories and the others have barely a handful of chapters to catch up.

• Sometimes I wonder if Olivia's independent investigation is also fueled by her desire to be so different from her parents and aunt as to wipe out the memory of their betrayal through her deeds. I do wonder if she will burn herself out completely in the process. She is made of sterner stuff than that, I know, but the determination she was showing in this scene and in the last few chapters was on another level.

• I wonder if we will get intel on Monterisso as well (I don't fully trust Amalas yet), or whether the narrative plans to establish this country as the underdog we will be supporting. Who knows. But I'm sure we will see more of that country in further chapters as well.

• That's it for this chapter, I think. Until the next one!

[finderskeepersff]

75. Part 3

I am still digesting everything Omar has said to me in the car, I think I have never been without Cassius in these things and this time I am, he usually hides these things and it looks like we are ok “so you wanted to speak to us?” Amira sat down finally “so I am happy with the dress, we got that. So we was riding back and I called Cassius and told him that you girls want to have some fun” all of the girls groaned out “telling men anything means the whole thing is ruined” Olivia said “well, not ruined. So Cassius said we can go Clover Club and he has a spot for us and that Omar is coming with us and I am supporting that idea” I need to let them know I want it too “if you ok with that and Cassius got us a spot because when I asked they was busy” Mia said shaking her head “they said they was busy, dead ass they did” Amira chuckled “girl no, always ask me. I can always get it for you. Me or Cassius. They are never busy, they hold it back for the famous these spots, I will always get you in” Amira is not wrong “oh they asses do that? Well if Cassius ain’t ruining plans, lets do this” the girls are ok with it, I thought they would hate it “let’s raise a toast girls, I mean Sofia with her orange juice” pouting my lips out as I reached for the glass and picked it up “I want to raise a glass for the fact Cassius is finally marrying my girl but also, how far you have become. A mother of two, a home owner, marrying the love of your life. Also the fact Cassius has made that happen, so I really want to raise a glass to Cassius, he’s not here but he’s a good guy and I would thank him but to Cassius” Mia said, my smile grew “I also want to add that Cassius has come a long way from the Cassius I know, he has changed for the better and I want to thank Sofia for that so to Sofia” I cooed out at Jasmine “if he was here he would be emotional, Cassius is an emotional person really” I said, my baby getting this kind of love “to Cassius ladies” Amira said as we clinked glasses.

There is no way I can hide this bump so I will embrace it, I am wearing a bodycon dress “ayee, we got this you need to wear it all day” Olivia ran over to me “what is it?” reading the sash “bride to be?” I chuckled “will it fit around me? I’m getting fat again” Olivia placed it over me “it’s just fine, you look so beautiful sis. Come on, let’s go. We are all ready” Olivia grabbed my hands and dragged me out to the living room “here is the bride to be!!” Jasmine spat, I am so shy right now “girls, I love you all so much. You all look so good. I can only imagine how you all going to look on the day, I am emotional to think. Each one of you have made an impact in my life, thank you for riding with me” they are so lovely, I love them all. They all came in for a group hug “no emotional shit, we need to turn up!!” Olivia spat, I can’t wait to have some fun “let’s go, come on” breaking away from the group, let me get my bag quickly from the side. I think it does suck that I can only drink orange juice or water, I would love to get drunk for one night. Grabbing my bag, Amira opened the door “why do y’all do this? Like it scares us” Cassius and his none speaking people, they just come out of nowhere “y’all ready?” Omar said, he looked at me and it’s like he pays no attention to anyone but me “after you ladies, and you go ahead” he threw his cigarette to the side “took your time, my head hurts from the screaming” I guess we was loud “can I have Amira in the car, please?” I said please “Kyle’ girl?” he asked “yes” stepping outside “sure, aye homie. You in the SUV, keep them safe” I am just going to accept this.

I am so glad I have Amira with me, I chose Amira because she knows and she knows the business and when they speak about things it’s private and only she can understand it “this is a fancy car Sofia, look at it. Why complain?” Amira said, she is not wrong “I am not, it gets lonely and Omar constantly bullies me” Omar laughed “I don’t, she doesn’t like the fact I am right. How long you been with Kyle Amira?” see he is nosey too “wow, it will be ten years next year” my mouth fell open “wow, that long? And he has not made you wifey, he really made you wait it out?” the words came out of my mouth without even thinking “no, I think we were happy as we are. I am secure Sofia, like with how we are, but he proposed to me and that was a step he took his time with. I think I had to accept that Kyle put Cassius first in everything, it is just now where he backed away, he saw Cassius was ok, he saw he was having a family and kids and now he’s like we can too. If I was marrying Kyle, I was marrying Cassius too and I am not lying. Sometimes you just have to accept it, you have to be there for him when he needs it. When Cassius got locked up, he was heartbroken and I hated seeing that, the times he thought he lost his brother. Some bonds you can’t break. And Sofia, I accepted because I love Kyle and I wanted his happiness, he does spend time with me and more now than we usually do. But yeah, nine years is long” Amira really was there for Cassius and he didn’t know “wow, that is love” I said “I am just happy Cassius found love, I uhm” Amira paused “I didn’t want to lose Kyle, because Cassius was spiralling downwards, Kyle was fine with going with him too. All these years I never met the man, Kyle didn’t want me too and kept it away from me and I am glad I did now. We’re ok now though” Amira smiled at me “true, you’re such a good woman” holding her hand “and I’m still struggling” I don’t want her to be sad “I know” I said in a whisper, Cassius done told me already “it will happen, I know it will for you” Amira took in a deep breath “but it’s your day today, we good girl” she squeezed my hand.

Omar started that in the back and then his ass went all quiet, all his damn fault “so here we are ladies” Omar got out of the car, there is a line here outside “is it always this busy?” I mean Amira would know “it is, you know when we generated a name in Miami it was a knock on affect to New York and so on, it does well” opening the car door as I stepped out “I would have opened the door for you” the guy that doesn’t speak to me is actually speaking, they are usually mute “I can do it” I smiled at him, walking around the car “bride to be!!” Mia spat as she shuffled over to me “how can I forget” I chuckled as she placed her arm around me as we walked towards the club “oh my gosh, look at that” looking up seeing the sign “Sofia’ night” I read out “oh my gosh, oh my baby. He did that” he changed the sign for me and for it to be my night “I love him so much” I gushed.

We are useless, I can actually admit that now. That we as men are useless, because first of all we came Florida late, then we arrived and I was tired so I didn’t bother. Kyle tried to do some things while I stayed at the hotel with both Bryce and Cartier, they are tiring and I think it’s even tiring that Bryce is very demanding, even trying to figure out what he wants but I am getting there. I can’t really be loving towards him because Cartier don’t like it, I am just tired “the girls done got their shit done and onto their bridesmaids dresses, we bad” Kyle said “I know, we getting there. You say this was the shop?” I pointed out, Kyle went and did research “it is” looks like a nice jewellery store too “I came and checked it out with gay Lee over here” I laughed, Kyle is not shit “gay Lee, have you asked if he likes that name?” I questioned “we bonded, we good” shaking my head laughing “I guess we need to get out of the car” looking over at Cartier “I am not ready for this” I am tired from dressing them in the morning, Cartier held his hand out to me with his pacifier “thank you son, you ready Bryce?” he looked at me, he is in his own world “boss” Ethan opened the door for me “yeah coming out, we need to get momma a nice ring” getting out of the car.

Holding my hand out to Bryce as he took it, I got Cartier in my arm and holding Bryce’ hand as we walked towards the store “daddy day care and shit ain’t it” Ethan said “says you nanny, you got the bag” I do love it though, I love this actually. It may be tiring but it’s loving, I get so much love from them but Cartier does not know how to share at all, he is really bad with it. Walking into the store “Kyle you are back” he already knows him “I told you I would be back, here is the man himself. The man of the hour, he needs help with the rings” Kyle said behind me “I am Matt, I would shake your hand but you are busy. I will help you decide, I have the room waiting for us to see the many rings we have” he seems like a nice guy “come on young don, we about to see some shiny things” I said looking down at Bryce, he smiled as we walked together. He is so good, very quiet. He likes to play on his own a lot because I think he probably finds it draining to interact with others because they don’t understand him and we struggle to do the same but I am spending much needed time with him, he is so special to me.

Matt finally came back in the room “so do you have anything in mind, anything you want to buy for her?” good question “erm, not sure. The most expensive thing?” I mean that will look nice “we can do that but I am sure she will want a lot of thought into it” he said it like he would tell “I got her a big engagement ring, it’s the best on what they had there so I got it. It is big so you know, I am not sure what else to get?” Matt nodded his head “ok, well we have a band where it could make an addition to the ring or do you want to have another ring and replace it?” this is hard work already “a band? I mean ain’t that tacky?” Matt laughed “no, not at all. Let me show you one, I think you will like it” looking over at Kyle “you have no clue do you?” I laughed shaking my head “I am trying my best, I just want it to look pretty for her” Kyle cooed out “so this is a band of sixteen diamonds, white gold. It is an eternity ring” he bought the ring to me “Kyle has shown me the ring and from what I have seen, this will look great” it is very shiny “you see this Bryce, shiny” Matt ain’t even letting me touch it “as you can see from afar, it’s not something you would say disappoints. You can use this and then later in the future buy her a new ring but I think this would be perfect, you know how beautiful it looks” nodding my head “you right, when did Kyle show you the ring I got her?” I asked “he came in, he showed me an example. He helped you out a lot” Kyle is always there for me.

I thought while I was here I would get my son a gold chain “aye, dada. Let daddy do it” he is so fussy for nothing, clipping the chain around his neck “wow dada, you rich, rich” I like this chain “this is solid cuban gold diamond chain” Matt said “yeah, only thing is that it may be heavy for him but he seems to be ok with it” he doesn’t seem annoyed by it “you good too?” I asked Bryce, he seems ok with the chain too “you like it? It’s shiny ain’t it?” touching the chain, he looks so happy with it “I told you, what dada get, you get. Brothers are the same yeah?” placing my arm around him “and that Rolex, I want a Rolex for a lady. I mean my wife, but I want a Rolex” she needs a Rolex while I am here “I can get you that but there is something that we was requested from Kyle” another assistant walked in with a box “from Kyle?” furrowing my eyebrows looking over at Kyle “from me bro” Kyle said, Matt walked over to me with the box “this is a gift from Kyle” Matt said to Bryce and opened the box, looking in the box and seeing a diamond encrusted chain with Jordan’ picture “it’s real diamonds, and a picture of your late father” seeing the picture of Jordan, I am a little choked up “you got that for him?” I said to Kyle “family, you right. He looks just like Jordan and being with him, he deserves to know him and have him on his neck. We all grew up with him” reaching over and taking the chain out of the box “you know who this is Bryce? This is your dad” reaching around him and placing the chain around his neck “this is your dad, he may have been a pain but that was my brother” turning the picture around “he always going to be there for you” my voice broke, Bryce is staring down at the picture and then looked at me “dad” he said, he knows it “you know it son, I love you nephew” he was so fucking lost in trying to be me, Jordan had no chance.

Staring at myself in the mirror, I am not sure how to feel about it. I am nervous, I can’t lie about this, I am so nervous the fact I am getting married and now I am stood here staring at myself in a Tuxedo, I am a simple man. I choose things straight away but I think I like this Tuxedo, I really do. I am getting married, that shit is so wild to me because I never thought I would “dada!” hearing Cartier scream from outside the changing room, and I never thought I would be a father “dads coming, calm down” hearing Kyle say, I am feeling choked up. I am getting married, this is happening “coming out now” I said, closing the button my suit jacket and making my way out. Taking in a deep breath as I stepped out “so what y’all think?” I asked “look at you, the don is really looking like the don now” Ethan said “you think?” looking down at myself “come here son” taking Cartier from Kyle “hey dada, you see this? We going to dress the same” pressing a kiss to his cheek “this the Prada three piece suit, Italian style and I think it looks good on you” the tailor said “I need two the same, for my son and nephew, least matching” I am excited.

[loveclub24]

I love you, it’ll pass

It was a Monday afternoon on a holiday weekend. We were meeting for coffee in West Hollywood - I hadn’t seen him for 6 months, maybe? It was one of those half sunny LA days in early spring. There was a chilliness that coated the air and infiltrated everything I saw and felt, as I walked across the street to Madison & Park. I was greeted by the usual crowd of fake hipsters in their blue-light glasses, working on scripts and drinking far-too-cold Americanos in cavernous porcelain cups. I sat down at the long community table at the back of the place and opened my computer. I wanted to look occupied when he walked in. I was trying to distract myself from the heartbeat that was antagonizing my chest as I thought about seeing him for the first time. I knew that he’d walked in, but I continued to look down at my gmail open on my laptop as I knew my presence was obscured by the coffee bar in front of me and so I could buy a few seconds to breathe before I greeted him. I could see him take off his sunglasses as he rounded the corner. As our eyes met, I stood up to give him a hug. The embrace was bizarre, in that I became particularly aware of the fact that I hadn’t worn a bra and suddenly felt sheepish. After all, he had fallen in love and had a serious girlfriend now. Usually, my hatred of bras that had turned into a habit of being braless wouldn’t matter. But now, it felt different. Which was because it WAS different. 

6 months had passed, but much more had changed - I’d gotten a new job, moved my life in a different direction, and was finally in the best place I’d been in since college. And Albert -- he had moved to Italy for work, fallen in love, and made the decision to go to grad school in Italy to be with her, come next autumn. As for how us? Our you-and-me-together story began after my most recent breakup, which would’ve been about a year before the present moment in Madison & Park. We’d started seeing each other when he decided to kiss me on the street corner outside of Night + Market West Hollywood. We were close friends beforehand, so when he first looked at me like he wanted to kiss me, I told him that I had just gotten out of a relationship. Look, I don’t have the capacity to be in a relationship and I want to prioritize our friendship because you're so important to me, okay? 

But now, almost a year later, what I wanted to say to him was, you know, the other day I scrolled all the way back to our text conversation after we first kissed and then continued to make out in my car until 1:00am so I could reread it. Remember when that parking guard knocked on our car because our heavy breathing had fogged up the whole entire car in the chilly March air? Remember when we were both so turned on for the next two days that we couldn't stop thinking about what it would be like to sleep together? Remember how you told me you wanted to be with me, and I, the stupid idiot that I am, said I couldn’t do it? 

He comes back from the coffee bar with his cortado and I’m shaken back to reality. He looks thinner than he did the last time I saw him, but still is wearing the same earrings in his left ear. One tiny hoop, one diamond, nestled together on his ear lobe. When I first met him, I was immediately attracted to him, but never thought I could have real feelings for him. He wasn’t my type. He was far more creative, far more emotional, and in the past few months in his absence, I’d realized, far more beautiful than anyone I’d ever known. Albert had chocolate brown eyes, tanned skin, his half Filipino, half Italian heritage blended together perfectly. And today, he looked the same, almost better. Better only because my perception of him had completely shifted in the months since we’d seen each other. His lips were chapped. I couldn’t tell if I was reading into it, but he looked sadder than usual. He had texted me earlier, saying he was coming from therapy, as he’d finally started getting help for his anxiety and depression. I was happy for him, I’d been a proponent of therapy for so long and he knew that. I was staring into his eyes, trying to parse out whether I still had feelings for him. The way my heart continued to aggressively beat, threatening to pop out of my chest, indicated that the likely answer was yes.

After minutes of small talk, catching each other up on our lives, we finally got down to the meat of it. He apologized for essentially ghosting me as a friend once he met his girlfriend, which was a few weeks into his stay in Italy. He was sorry that he stopped Facetiming me, stopped texting me, stopped telling me that he thought I was beautiful and that he couldn’t wait to be together when he got home. He told me of his trust issues, his fear of betrayal, because his father had cheated on his mother for so many years. I explained the realizations I’d had of my own commitment issues, of my paralyzing fear of feeling suffocated in relationships. We agreed, it would’ve never worked. It was an impossible situation. I told him I appreciated his apology, but that he did the right thing -- he told me once he met his girlfriend. I still remember when he Facetimed me that day in October, and I was surprised when I’d felt like the wind had been knocked out of me in the moment that he told me. I didn’t want to lie to you, he said. And you didn’t, I said. And that's the thing -- I was genuinely so happy for him. I knew he wanted a real girlfriend, a serious relationship, someone who would bake cakes for him on his birthday and go back to the Philippines to meet his family. And we both knew I couldn't be that person for him. 

At the end of our time together in LA, before he first moved to Italy, he told me of his feelings for me, and I said I, too, cared deeply for him but was still so overwhelmed by my recent breakup and the extreme stress of my job that made me miserable, that I couldn’t put the pieces together in my own brain to figure out where I was at. He understood this, and did not push me. I remember one of our last dinners together, during which he announced that he’d been offered a longer-term position in Italy -- only a few months. He wasn't sure if he should go. His parents wanted him to get a full-time job, but he was a creative, an extremely talented photographer and videographer, and I told him he couldn’t turn this opportunity down. So for the first few weeks, we talked constantly, planning for his arrival back in LA and our eventual getting-together. And then, my brother got sick so I had to go back east, and Albert met his girlfriend. I explained to him that I wanted to respect him, his girlfriend and his relationship, so I felt like I couldn’t be the one reaching out to continue the friendship. So we lost contact for many months until he came back to LA - which was a few weeks prior to this meeting. 

And yet, here I was, in this coffee shop, feeling like I was at the climax of my own rom-com. Albert told me that before he met his girlfriend, he wanted to come back to LA and be with me. And I told him the same. His eyes widened. I didn’t know how you felt about me, how you felt about us, he said. It was like a bomb had ricocheted its way into the coffee shop and the only reaction that each of us could gather ourselves to display was silence, just for a few moments. Yes, this rom-com was definitely not going to resolve itself in the way I wanted it to in the moment - us embracing and finally, finally, giving it a real shot together. No. He was in love with someone else. Deeply, fully in love. He was moving away in just a few short months. The realist side of me knew I didn’t want a happy ending at this point in my life - I was only 24 - but that didn’t make it hurt any less in the moment. 

I couldn’t help but remember the way he used to think about me, the way he used to look at me, now reversed. Now I looked at him with longing, wishing that I could change what I’d done and said during those moments that the person whose affection was being pleaded for was mine by him, not his by me. He’d asked earlier if I could drive him home, to which I’d said yes, of course. I was only slightly anxious at the idea of entering a space, my car, together in which we’d been intimate so many times. Soon, a voice penetrated our own little world. It was the barista, telling us that they’d be closing in 10 minutes. So we took the last sips of our coffee and decided to head out. The sun was beginning to set as we crossed Melrose, and he made a comment on how good of a parking spot I’d gotten. 

Oh, I said, gesturing across the street to a conveniently placed metered space in which I had parked my Jeep. It’s free parking today, because it’s Presidents Day, you know, I said. Well thanks, Mr. President, he said. I laughed at the lunacy of this statement. Mostly a big FUCK YOU because you make me want to fucking die, I quipped, in regards to our president and the current political climate. We walked to my car, like we’d done a thousand times. But this time was different because we were different -- you were in love with someone else, and moving halfway across the world to be with her. And as for me, I was in love with you, finally, long after you’d stopped loving me. We both cried in the car as I drove you back home. Take a left, you said -- I remember the way, I interrupted. I’ve thought of you every time I drove here in the past few months, I added. He sighed. It felt good to bare a part of my soul to him, when I had been the emotionless one for most of the time we were together. As I parked next to his apartment to let him out (his room soon to be filled by the next random tenant with his or her own share of devastating life experiences), I started to cry more. I apologized. We hugged for what felt like an hour. I’m always here for you, Mack, he said. Always. You will never lose me. I want you in my life, forever. Remember, I’m just a phone call away.

A few weeks later, before he moved away, I was talking to one of his best friends during a beach day he invited me to. Max and I were sitting off the side, as the rest of them were tossing a frisbee, which sounds fake, I know, but somehow was actually what was going on. Max must’ve caught me staring at Albert intently, because he said, I heard you guys talked the other day. How are you feeling? I looked at Max, and then back at Albert. His black hair was getting curly on the ends from the saltwater. I’m in love with him, I said, without bothering to take my eyes off Albert. I said it in the most matter of fact way I could possibly muster. Max craned his neck at me, shocked. I turned to him. It’s okay, I said, you can tell him. I mean, I’m sure he already knows. It’s pretty obvious. Max and I looked at each other. Albert had told me that Max was in love with one of his best friends, too, that acutely painful kind of unrequited love. We looked at each other with an overwhelming sense of mutual understanding. We both knew we didn’t need to discuss it any further. And saying it out loud to him made me feel so at peace, like I was finally releasing a secret I’d kept harbored inside, tangled within my heartstrings for months. It was cathartic to vocalize the feeling that I’d repressed for so long. I am in love with him, I said again. Jesus Christ. That’s crazy to say out loud. Max nodded. It was getting to be late afternoon, and the March sun was not yet strong enough to penetrate the marine layer that was creeping in from the Pacific Ocean. 

[imagineyoungjustice]

Terra and Rae’s 25 days of Christmas Day 10

Headcanons canons on what the team might get their S/o for Christmas? -Anonymous 

I wanted to try and do as many of the team as I could but there was a tag limit so I couldn’t do what I wanted. So if there is one character you wanted to see and don’t I apologize. I also apologize if this isn’t what you meant when you made the request but I got the idea for this and had to write it. -Terra

Under the read more because its l  o  n  g 

Dick Grayson (Nightwing)

        With Dick, its about giving you the things he thinks you deserve. You are so much for him, and he tries to show his love and appreciation of that and give back to you in as many ways as he can. His gifts are expensive, and sometimes downright lavish, but they always hold meaning. Being the ward of Bruce Wayne has given him the capitol to ensure he’ll always be able to give you the things he thinks you deserve, but his initial upbringing is what keeps him from just buying the most expensive things he sees to give you. If he buys you a necklace with diamonds, there is a meaning to it, a story, a moment, behind the size, the stone, the number, the placement, the color. Being raised largely by Batman has left his ability to express his emotions honestly and openly somewhat lacking, but he always makes sure to show his love and devotion to you in whatever ways he can, and gifts are no exception

Kaldur’ahm (Aqualad)

        With Kaldur, it is like Dick, but about giving you the things he knows you deserve. Kaldur is calm, he is respectful, he is gentle, he is the leader of the team, and carries the burden that comes with it. For him, you are the one who helps ease that burden, and reminds him that it’s okay to take time and do things for himself every now and again. To Kaldur you are royalty, and his gifts reflect that. They are luxurious, they are lavish, and even then, he thinks they are not enough. He wants to spoil you, to give something worthy of you, even if all you want is a some of his time. All of Kaldur’s gifts originate from the sea. It is a part of him and he wants to share everything about him with you. Kaldur doesn’t buy his gifts, he prefers to find or make them himself, as another way to show his love to you. He will scour the entire seafloor if it means finding the rarest and most beautiful pearl to give you. The gifts can be too much, especially when you’re perfectly content with just being near him, but you can never bring it in yourself to refuse when he presents them to you with a look that carries all the love he has for you.

Wally West (Kid Flash)

        With Wally, it’s about quantity. He is impatient, but also insecure. For him, you help ease those lingering insecurities that he’s not good enough. He wants to give you the perfect gift, but he doesn’t know what that is, so he usually buys the first thing that reminds him of you. It’s after he buys it that he wonders if it’s enough to express how much he truly cherishes you, so the cycle repeats, and when it comes time to open them you feel flustered about how many he had for you when you only had one for him. He’s always quick to assure you that the number doesn’t matter, you do so much for him, this is the least he can do for you. When he was younger, the gifts were more lighthearted, small trinkets and other unusual odds and ends. As he grew, his gifts became more serious. He would still give you odd little trinkets at times, but he also wanted to give you some of the more traditional things as well. Like Dick he started t want to give you the things he thought you deserved that also held meaning and the love he had for you.

Conner Kent (Superboy)

        With Conner, it’s about actions more than anything else. For him, you were the one to help him experience what CADMUS had only shown him in his head. You were the voice of reason when his temper got the better of him and you were the one to show him that it’s okay to let other’s in. For him, his gifts are events, dates. He was never good with words, so he lets his actions speak for him most of the time. These are intimate, full of emotions and words that he can’t always express but needs you to know. They range anywhere from actual tickets for a vacation that he had planned, to things like tickets for movies, festivals, concerts, or other types of events. They can be small dinner dates, walks in the park at night, a picnic on the beach, anything. He prefers experiencing things with you over material items, and you would never be one to complain.

M’gann M’orzz (Miss Martian)

        With M’gann, it is about bringing the two of you closer. For M’gann, you were the one to always stand with her, experiencing the beauty and ugliness of both your world and hers at her side. You were the one to help her through the shame of what she was born as, and the one to help her keep her heart after everything that happened with her powers during The Reach invasion. By giving her gifts, you were sharing your home with her. When M’gann gives gifts, like Kaldur, it’s about wanting to share her world with you. It doesn’t matter what type of gift it is you give each other. From cheap, cheesy tourist gift shop type items, to children’s toys, tools, entertainment, recipes, songs, you name it. All M’gann wants to do is experience everything Earth has to offer at your side, and do the same for you with Mars.

Roy Harper (Red Arrow)

        For Roy, it’s about being unconditional. You were always at his side, loving him as a friend, and then somewhere after Cheshire and the Light, as something beyond that. You were there with him every step of the way, even when he hit rock bottom and tired to push you away. You helped him pick back up the pieces of his life and figure out who he was and who he was supposed to be, even stepping up to help raise Lian when Cheshire brought her into his life. His gifts range from practical things he knows you need to things you could have offhanded-ly mentioned you wanted months or even years ago. Sometimes his gifts were like Conner’s, small intimate dates that may or may not include Lian depending on the activity. Like Wally, he wants his gifts to be perfect, as one way of trying to pay you back for everything he made you go through, despite all attempts you made to tell him that all you needed was his love. He makes sure to spare no expense for his family, and knows that Oliver would happily spot him money should he want to buy you something that was out of his budget.

Atemis Crock (Artemis)

        For Artemis, it’s about the small things. For her, like Roy, you were always by her side. You didn’t press her for anything before she was willing to share it and you always believed in her even when others didn’t. If anything, you only stuck closer to her after hearing about her family and for Artemis it means everything. She too, isn’t always the best about expressing herself and her true feelings, a by-product of the type of people her family is. Her gifts, are the things you mentioned at some point or another that you wanted, possibly forgotten that you had even mentioned it until you open it up. It’s Artemis’ way of saying that she listens, and she cares, like you do for her. A lot of your relationship is built on the smaller things between the two of you and gifts are no different. Sometimes they are items that you needed, but often, the gifts are small items that showcase a deeper meaning of love behind them, even if they are not ‘traditional’. At the end of the day, the gifts themselves aren’t what matters, it is the love and feeling they represent for the two of you.

Tim Drake (Robin)

        With Tim, it’s about staying grounded. It’s easy for Tim to get caught up in his work, neglecting himself for days without even fully realizing it. Tim’s also plagued by anxiety and insecurities, always trying to pull him under with words that he’s not good enough. For him, you are the one who reminds him that he needs to take care of himself, that he matters too. You are the one that helps keep him together when it feels like he’s falling apart. Tim’s not very good with his emotions, like all those that live under Batman tend to be. He can sometimes be awkward, and that carries over into his gifts. Most of the time his gifts are something practical, something that you mentioned you needed for your place. Tim never spends a lot of money to get you the expensive lavish gifts, it’s just not who he is. Even though both his parents and Bruce were rich, he just never saw the point in trying to impress you with expensive gifts that showcased his wealth, not that he was bashing anyone who did those sorts of things. When he does give you something special, it’s usually something that he made. Tim’s a gifted individual, and you are one of the most important things in his life. If he does pour his money into gifts for you, it’s usually to buy the materials when he makes them for you. They aren’t traditional, but his love for you is clearly reflected in them, and you love it just the same.

Jaime Reyes (Blue Beetle)

        With Jaime it’s about reassurance. For Jaime, he is constantly worried about the scarab, and about living up to the legacy of Blue Beetle left behind by Ted Kord. After everything with The Reach, he become more worried about what the scarab is capable of, despite having reached an agreement after the scarab was cleansed. You are he one who makes him remember that it’s okay to lean on someone else, to rely on the people around him whenever he feels like he is drowning in his fears and the things he’s done. Jaime cares deeply about you (even the scarab has come around), and his gifts are meant to reflect that. They aren’t expensive, nor are they anything fancy at all, but they always hold that deeper meaning. Sometimes they are cultural, something important to him that always leaves a warm feeling behind in you, and other times, they are just simple gifts. You always get two gifts from Jaime, and as such you give to in return, even if the reason leaves him a little exasperated. After the scarab had come around, it insisted on partaking in the gift giving, seeing as you were important to its host, and doing so would provide positive results for the two of you (Although Jaime didn’t relay that last part to you). While Jaime’s gifts always had meaning, his scarab had less grace than that, often having chosen random items, though a part of you was still touched that it cared at all. In return, you felt it only appropriate that you gift something back even though everyone knew that it wouldn’t be able to do anything with it. So the scarab had its own bookshelf in one room of all the trinkets you had gifted to it. Jaime wouldn’t say it out loud, not yet at least, but the act, as weird as it was when he thought about it, only made him love you more.

Bart Allen (Impulse)

        With Bart, it is about memories. For Bart, he always felt like he had to be the hyperactive, lively person he crafted as Impulse when he came back in time. When the two of you got into a relationship, you had helped him understand that it was okay to be the serious person, and still be ‘Impulse’. That ‘Impulse’ didn’t wasn’t just a façade and that they were all a part of the same person and could exist together. With Bart, gifts in front of other people are gag gifts. A spring-loaded box with a dildo inside. But alone, Bart is different, his demeanor has shifted more to how he truly is, and his gifts are way more intimate and personal, and are only moments for the two of you to be privy to. All of his gifts are things that tie into memories the two of you shared. To Bart the moments you to have together are to be cherished, as he knows that it’s all to easy for it all to be taken away, and how hard it is to leave behind what little he did have to try and stop his future from happening. He knows that one day something could happen to him, weather because of some unknown repercussion to altering history, or going down in the field like other heroes before him. So he takes the time to pick gifts that tie in old memories, old moments between the two of you, while simultaneously creating new and unique ones. You are the most precious thing in Bart’s life, and he will do anything to ensure that he makes as many lasting memories as he can.

[beanzwriting]

The Future Mrs Agreste

Also on AO3

Thank you @giggling-bubble for letting me jump into your world and write a follow up to the awesome story - Frigid Kitty I hope I did it justice :-)

Marinette made her way along the streets of Paris. It was just as cold today so she had on her most comfortable boots over her tight, and warm, jeans. Under her Chat inspired coat she was wearing a long-sleeved shirt in a blue to match her eyes. Her scarf, beret and gloves were red, slightly darker than her Ladybug suit. Normally she avoided wearing a lot of the colour but she’d specifically worn it so that Tikki could hide around her neck and be part of the whole experience with choosing a ring. Tikki’s cookies were in the bag on her hip, along with her phone, keys, and wallet. As she rounded the corner, she caught sight of Adrien. He was wearing fitted jeans, a burgundy coat over a white jumper and the blue scarf she’d made him all those years ago. A year ago he’d found out who’d really gifted him the scarf and while he’d obviously been disappointed that it hadn’t come from his father, it had strengthened their friendship.

“Good morning, love bug. It’s been so long since I saw you last,” Adrien said once she stopped in front of him, smirking at her.

Marinette just rolled her eyes. “You saw me less than an hour ago when you and Plagg left to go home and change.”

“A lot could have happened during that time.”

“Such as?”

Adrien leaned closer, a mischievous smirk on his face. “Well for one thing, you could have changed out of that sexy cerulean blue lingerie set you were wearing earlier. So tell me, Mari, did you?”

Marinette squeaked, flushing red at not only Adrien’s expression and words, but at the way he practically purred as he spoke.

It’s just Chat, Adrien is Chat. You can talk to him!

Channelling Ladybug, Marinette leaned in a fraction, causing Adrien to blink and leaned back slightly. “I guess you’ll just have to wait and see.” With that, she walked around him and headed for the jewellery store door, sharing quiet giggles with Tikki when she heard his sputter before it turned into a growl.

She had just reached the door when suddenly he was there, hand on the handle. “And how long do you plan on making me wait to find out, My Lady?” he asked, holding the door open for her.

“I’m sure you can wait until tonight, Chaton.”

“I’m not so sure about that,” he argued.

“Well you’ll have to. We have a busy day ahead of us, but I guess the sooner we get done the sooner we’ll have time to celebrate some more.” Marinette winked and entered the shop, smiling when Adrien laughed and followed her inside.

Ring shopping was harder than either of them imagined it would be. They had entered their third jewellers and Adrien tried to steer her towards the biggest and most expensive rings.

“Adrien, I don’t want an expensive ring,” she whisper yelled to him.

“But I just want you to have the best,” he whined.

“The best doesn’t mean the biggest or most expensive,” she objected.

“But—”

“Nope. You decide, do you want everyone to know that I’m taken or not?” She asked, crossing her arms over her chest. Adrien frowned. “Of course I do! What kind of question is that?”

“A simple one. I refuse to wear a ridiculously expensive ring that I’ll constantly be worried I will lose. You buy an expensive ring and I won’t wear it, it will live in the safe and I will walk around with no ring on my finger. Is that what you want, Chaton?”

Adrien was practically growling by that point. “No. Fine, you win. No crazy expensive engagement ring.”

“Thank you,” Mari said, smiling brightly at him.

After spending most of the morning going from one big name jeweller to another, they found a little out-of-the-way place.

“Should we look in here?” Marinette asked.

“I think so,” Tikki pipped up from her spot.

Adrien once again held the door open for her, “After you, My Lady.”

“Thank you, Chaton.”

“Good afternoon there, my name is Phillipe. Is there anything I can help you with?” The older gentleman that greeted them had a kind smile on his face. He looked like the kind of man who doted on his grandkids and smiled a lot. Marinette automatically smiled back, a sense of something filling her.

“Hello, we’re looking for an engagement ring. However my lovely fiancée hasn’t been able to find one that suits her,” Adrien replied, his public persona taking over.

“Ah, is there something in particular that you’re looking for?”

“I don’t want a ring that’s so expensive that I’ll be scared to leave the house with it on. I’m just looking for something simple, but unique,” Marinette said, smiling at Phillipe.

“Hm, well we do have a number of rings that are a one-off design that you might be interested in. Please, follow me,” he said, leading them around to another cabinet.

As Adrien and Phillipe chatted, Marinette browsed until something caught her eye. “Can I see that one?” she asked, pointing at the display.

“Of course,” Phillip replied, getting the ring while Adrien came over to stand beside her. She hadn’t asked to see a lot of the rings, there was always something about them she didn’t like, but if her suspicions were correct, she’d just found her ring.

“What we have here is a channel set princess cut diamond in white gold,” Phillipe explained, handing the ring over to Marinette.

“A princess cut for my Princess,” Adrien whispered only loud enough for Marinette to hear.

Bringing the ring up close, she saw that her suspicions were correct. “It has paw prints.”

“What?” Adrien asked, moving closer to inspect the ring.

“Yes, there is a paw print on either side of the diamond. Unlike a lot of the other channel set princess cut rings which have a number of diamonds on the band as well, this ring just has the one. People either want more diamonds or don’t like the paw prints.” Phillipe explained.

“It’s perfect,” Marinette whispered, looking up at Adrien.

He smiled, taking the ring out of her fingers. “Only one more thing to check,” he said, taking her hand and sliding the ring on her finger. “Perfect fit.” Kissing her hand like he usually did, Adrien smiled before turning to Phillipe. “We’ll take it!”

Marinette and Adrien stood in her kitchen waiting for her parents to arrive so they could tell them the news. After purchasing the ring, Phillipe had placed it in a lovely ring box and Adrien had taken her to where she’d first crashed into him and tangled them up in her yoyo all those years ago. There he got down on one knee and proposed, sliding the ring back onto her finger.

As they’d made their way to the bakery they had decided to tell everyone that they’d been secretly dating for a few years. They’d kept it a secret because of Adrien’s father and because they didn’t want anyone to accuse Marinette of getting a job because she was dating Adrien. Now that she’d secured a job at Gabriel based on her designs and portfolio they were ready to reveal their relationship and engagement.

“How are we going to tell Alya and Nino?” Marinette asked, munching on a cookie. After they’d arrived, Marinette had taken her bag and jacket to her room, along with cookies and cheese for the kwamis. She’d come back down to snag a cookie before starting on a pot of hot chocolate for the four of them.

“Hm, I’ve got an idea, hold your hand against your sweater. Or better yet, against mine,” Adrien leapt off the stool and went over to Marinette, pulling his phone out of his pocket.

“What are you up to?” She asked, putting her hand on his chest.

“Okay, you take the photo since you can see better.”

Shaking her head she took him phone and took a photo of her hand before handing his phone back.

“Okay but really, what are you going to do?”

“Break Instagram and Twitter,” he replied, fingers flying over the keyboard.

“Huh?”

Handing over his phone once again, Adrien bounced in place, a cheeky Chat Noir grin on his face. Steeling herself Marinette looked at his phone and her jaw dropped. There was the picture of her hand on his chest, ring glowing with a very simple caption of She said YES! #LuckiestManInParis #TheFutureMrsAgrest

“Alya is going to kill you,” she whispered and he just burst into laughter, grabbing her in a hug and spinning her around.

“Marinette?” Sabine asked, walking into the kitchen with her father right behind her. “What’s going on?”

Adrien put her down but kept his arms around her waist. Marinette turned to her right and opened her mouth to respond but no words came out. She could hear Adrien trying not laugh and was sorely tempted to kick him.

Channel Ladybug. Channel Ladybug

Taking a deep breath, Marinette blurted out, “Adrien and I have been secretly dating for years and yesterday he asked me to marry him and I said yes but Alya and Nino don’t know and now they’re going to find out because Adrien put a photo of the ring on Instagram and Twitter and they’re going to kill us for not telling them.”

She watched as her parents blinked and tried to make sense of what she’d blurted out. Adrien was chuckling next to her but she didn’t take her eyes off her parents. Her mother was the first to decipher what Marinette said and then she was squealing and running towards them, arms wide open as she threw them around her and Adrien.

“You’re getting married! Oh this is fantastic! I had always hoped you two would get together, you’re going to give us such adorable grandchildren!”

As her mother continued squealing, her father came to join in on the group hug. “This is fantastic news indeed. Let’s see the ring, Mari.”

After Marinette showed off her ring, Adrien showed them what he’d put up on social media. There were already hundreds of messages asking who the lucky woman was. He’d even had a number of missed calls, mainly from Alya and Nino.

“A lot of people are offering their congratulations, Chloe is exploding, and the rest want to know who Mari is,” he told her parents.

“Oh this is so exciting! Oh! I need to ring and tell the family!” With one final hug to each of them, Sabine ran off to start ringing the extended family to tell them the good news.

“Welcome to the family, son!” Tom said, lifting Adrien up into a bear hug.

“Thank you, Sir,” Adrien replied as his feet touched the ground.

“None of this Sir nonsense, just call me Tom.”

“Alright, Tom.”

“Now, if you kids will excuse me, I need to get back to the shop since I don’t think Sabine will be back anytime soon.”

“Do you need a hand, Papa?”

“No, Mari, you two stay here and be ready for when Alya arrives. I’m sure that it won’t take her long, especially if neither of you are replying to her.” With that sound piece of advice, her father winked at them and left.

“So,” Adrien said, stepping closer to her and wrapping his arms around her waist again as she wrapped hers around his neck. “That went well.”

“Did you think it wouldn’t?” she asked, running her fingers over the hair on his nape.

Adrien just shrugged. “There was a possibility.”

“Maybe, but considering we’ve always been close friends and the fact that I’ve had a crush on you for years I guess it’s not that unbelievable to them.”

“Now we just have to survive an Alya interrogation.”

Marinette groaned and let her head fall against his chest. “Don’t remind me.”

“Hey, Mari?”

“Yeah?”

Adrien moved his hand to her chin, gently forcing her to lift her head until their gazes locked. “I love you,” he said, then lowered his head and kissed her.

“Dude!”

“Mari? You’re the future Mrs Agreste? When the fuck did that happen?”

Oops.

[easyfoodnetwork]

Riding Shotgun With My Mom

On my first road trip up north with my mother in years, a drive to Northern Michigan feels like being alone together at the end of the world

Jenny G. Zhang is an Eater staff writer currently isolating at her childhood home in Michigan.

The worst part of going anywhere is usually, irrefutably, humiliatingly, needing to pee.

Rest stops can be few and far between; gas station facilities are almost always occupied by fellow travelers; stopping at restaurants and fast-food chains usually means buying at least a beverage, which then gets consumed, which then necessitates a bathroom all over again. Now multiply these difficulties by a factor of “pandemic” — in which many public bathrooms are closed, as flushing a toilet can create a potentially infectious plume of coronavirus aerosols that linger in the air — and your options whittle down to basically zero.

“What if we wear diapers?” I suggest to my mom four months into our COVID-19 crisis, as we consider this potential hurdle to our embarking on a weekend road trip. I’m joking, sort of, but the thought is apparently mutual — she has the same idea. It makes sense, in a way: After all, we already have a stockpile of adult diapers in the basement, left over from my mom’s previous road trip emergencies and my grandmother’s usage when she lived with us over than a decade ago. Moreover, it would just be me and my mom on the trip, no need to feel shy or embarrassed at the prospect of pissing our pants in each other’s presence. And at this point, what other alternatives are there?

Still, it is with some trepidation that I pull on a diaper one Saturday morning in July.

It is with some trepidation that I pull on a diaper one Saturday morning in July.

“Are we really going to just ... pee in the diapers?” I ask again as we pick at the last crumbs of our breakfast (frozen Costco croissants, warmed and eaten with strawberry jam, highly recommended). Soon we’ll begin double- and triple-checking our bags before loading the car.

“Of course,” she replies in Mandarin. “It feels strange at first, but I’m telling you, you don’t even notice it after.” She is speaking from experience, as a user of adult diapers on journeys past. I remember, when I was younger, feeling both envious of how my mom seemed so liberated from the tyranny of road trip potty breaks, as well as scornfully pitying that she had to resort to such tactics (as if I was somehow enlightened for holding it in for as long as I could).

But time makes fools of us all: Here I am, poised to follow in my mother’s footsteps — starting with discreet fit and maximum absorbency.

Our plan is simple: head 250 miles “up north,” a phrase that virtually everyone in Michigan knows. I heard it for the first time in elementary school, where, every June, my classmates would talk about their plans to summer with their families in their cabins “up north.” The precise geographic delineation is a bit fuzzy — in one Detroit Free Press article, a reader described “up north” as more of “a mindset” than a specific location. My north has always meant the northwestern edge of the state’s mitten, where pale yellow sand dunes meet the cerulean waves of Lake Michigan. My family drove four-ish hours up there, to the Sleeping Bear Dunes and Traverse City, every few years when I was a kid. Sometimes it would be just for the day; sometimes we would spend the night in a cheap motel, the four of us crammed in one room. We always returned to our home in the Detroit suburbs a little tanner and grittier, our shoes and the crevices of our car lined with sand that lingered for weeks.

Neither my dad (who lives and works in China) nor my older brother (on the East Coast) are here with us now, separated by the coronavirus and lives that diverged from ours years ago. But my mom and I can’t shake the desire to trace the path my family followed so many times back when we all lived under the same roof. To get out, to escape. To see anything beyond the walls of our house, from which we have rarely ventured since mid-March, when I returned home from New York for my birthday and never left.

The Arcadia Scenic Turnout, one of our eventual destinations

Escape: a word of longing, and a temptation that has proven irresistible lately, judging from the prevalence of beach visits and shared cabins in the woods documented on my friends’ and acquaintances’ social media feeds. CNN reports that Americans made 32.2 million trips of more than 50 miles during the week before the Fourth of July, 300,000 more than this time last year, per Maryland Transportation Institute data.

But there are obvious risks. My mom and I have seen the notorious flesh-against-flesh footage from Michigan’s Diamond Lake; we have tracked the peaks and valleys of COVID-19 cases in the state and across the country. To avoid becoming two more tallies on a graph would mean meticulously planning each detail of the trip, mitigating as much risk as we could: masks on indoors or near other people outdoors, sanitizing constantly, no crowds, no dining inside (or outside of) restaurants, and for the love of God, no public restrooms.

Driving a cool 77 miles per hour, the radio blasting Hot 100 pop, it feels like nothing has changed. But outside the sanctuary of our car, everything has.

Some attractions, like our first stop, the Dow Gardens — 110 acres in the city of Midland — are now appointment-only, with reservations made online to limit the number of visitors at any given time. Supposedly we came here once long ago, when we lived in nearby Saginaw, but I have no memory of the lush greenery or the ponds thick with scum. (The garden also has a restroom that we use with some apprehension, thus breaking our “no public restrooms” rule within just two hours — but appointment-only means it isn’t really public.)

My mom and I can’t shake the desire to trace the path my family followed so many times. To get out, to escape.

Meals, once opportunities to experience the local dining scene — or at least to wash your hands, sit still, and recharge — have become a largely vehicular matter. After Dow Gardens, lunching on takeout in the front seat while parked outside Basil Thai Bistro in Midland, I comprehend anew the one-handed appeal of fast-food staples like burgers and fries. Attempting to eat long noodles and loose rice straight out of plastic to-go boxes, using flimsy disposable utensils, is a game of trying not to splatter grease with each lift of the fork. I find myself missing tables with a passion I have never before mustered for basic furniture items.

Gas stations are a crapshoot of mask usage, despite Gov. Gretchen Whitmer’s impending executive order requiring face coverings indoors and in crowded outdoor spaces. I grab bottled drinks and junky snacks — Cheddar & Sour Cream Lay’s, Sour Punch Bites, Gardetto’s, the more mindlessly processed the better — and check out as quickly as I can. One clerk, standing behind a clear barrier, moves lethargically, his bandana-mask slung around his neck like a scarf. At another station, the cashier is bagging my purchase from behind the countertop shield when the door’s bell jingles and then stops. An unmasked woman stands on the front step, reading the sign on the door requesting that customers wear masks inside. “Need a mask,” she mutters, before letting the door fall shut again and returning to her car.

“They always forget,” the clerk, a woman with a dyed-red ponytail and her own mask, comments as she hands me the plastic bag from under the barrier. “The new normal.”

Escape is apparently on everyone’s minds. I reserved our hotel, located across the street from the lakeshore in Traverse City’s East Bay, a few days ago online, and it was one of the last I could find in the whole city. We drove past at least a dozen hotels on the lakeshore road, most bearing signs proclaiming, “NO VACANCIES.”

“Has it been busy this summer?” I ask an employee standing behind an enormous sneeze guard that stretches across the reception desk. I’m using a pen to sign the receipt confirming the night’s stay.

“Oh yeah,” she replies, directing me to dispose of the pen in a basket on my side of the barrier. They have been completely booked almost every week, she says, and recites their new COVID policies: no pool, no breakfast buffet, no housekeeping unless requested. The hotel has a strict mask-on rule for public areas, like the lobby and elevator. Floor decals mark the appropriate six-foot distances to stand apart from other guests.

A scenic view at Dow Gardens

Takeout in the front seat from Basil Thai Bistro in Midland

Our room upstairs has been vacant for a day, long enough that we probably don’t need to worry about virus droplets suspended in the air. Still, upon entering, we immediately open the window and set to cleaning all visible surfaces, using disinfectant spray and wipes we brought with us from home. It’s that mindset, more than anything, that will linger long after SARS-CoV-2 becomes an unpleasant memory in the minds of the living: no longer being able to trust that anywhere outside home can be safe.

The modern road trip, in the American imagination, is inextricable from the idea of the past — the glorification of nostalgia for a different time, whether rooted in childhood memories or the fantasy of an idealized nation. The archetypal image is one of a white family in the postwar prosperity decades, cruising down the newly paved Interstate, stopping at roadside diners and motels, enjoying a freedom epitomized by open roads and mass consumption, whether of material goods, fuel, experiences, or the nation itself.

The whiteness of this vision cannot be expunged; as Candacy Taylor wrote for the Atlantic in 2016, “every mile was a minefield” for Black Americans, who were regularly denied access to food and lodging across the country’s crisscross network of highways. Up north, I can’t forget about the historical underpinnings of the road trip, as well as the so-called “blinding whiteness” of Northern Michigan. We pass by huge “TRUMP: KEEP AMERICA GREAT” banners — one surrounded by barbed wire on a rural lawn, and one on the back of a pickup truck — and my anxiety heightens, as I think of the anti-Asian attacks taking place across the U.S., fueled in part by the president’s blatant displays of racism and assignment of blame for the pandemic on Chinese people.

But despite the quintessential road trip’s origins in a white Americana, immigrant families like my own have continued to gravitate toward this mode of travel, lured by its comparative affordability as well as its promises of freedom, of openness, of the American Dream — all things, real or imagined, that have drawn immigrants to this land in the first place. The cracks in that myth have always been visible, but I didn’t recognize them for what they were when I was young. Maybe this trip, back to a place I loved so much as a child, is just my own manifestation of nostalgia for the way things used to be, before I knew any better.

The Sleeping Bear Dunes

The Sleeping Bear Dunes are a 45-minute drive from the hotel, located on the northwest curve of the Lower Peninsula, between lakes Glen and Michigan. It’s evening by the time we arrive at the famous Dune Climb, but the sun still blazes overhead, baking the sand till it’s hot to the touch. One of the best sensations, as a child, was burrowing my feet deep into the sand, seeking the cool beneath the surface.

Back then, the dunes seemed to stretch upward like mile-high walls, slippery and impenetrable. My family and I would climb them, our bare feet sinking into the sand, racing and stumbling and sitting and turning around to behold the expanse of blue that was Glen Lake in the distance. I was 2 or 3 the first time we went, my mom tells me, so young that my dad had to carry me up the dune on his shoulders. My brother was old enough to squirm his own way up; we have a photo of him crawling in the sand, shrieking with laughter. It was always so beautiful back then.

I want to walk to the coastline in search of some clarity or epiphany or at least a new sight, but my mom stops me.

The dunes are just like I remember, in some ways: the public restroom and the vending machines at one end of the parking lot; the soft sand, still shifting beneath my feet; the grasses that inexplicably sprout from nothing in this dry landscape. The parking lot is half-filled with cars: people like us, seeking solace in the outdoors. We begin our journey to the top. The breeze is strong, and the dune wide enough that we can ascend and descend without bumping into anyone else.

But some things are different from the scenes in my memory. The dune feels so much shorter, for one. Was it ever a vast desert, or was that just in my mind, a scale from the eyes of a child? Today it takes just 20 minutes to trudge up the main face, and that is at the leisurely pace of an admittedly out-of-shape mother-daughter duo. We pause intermittently to catch our breath and pass back and forth a handheld misting fan. Below us, children scream and sprint down the dune as their parents play the indulgent audience. Ahead, endless dunes rise before us; two miles beyond them lies Lake Michigan, invisible from here.

The shore of Glen Lake, on the road to the Sleeping Bear Dunes

In all our visits, we have never followed the trail that leads from this dune all the way to the coastline. I want to, this time, in search of some clarity or epiphany or at least a new sight, but my mom stops me, says there’s no point in going further. She, with her chronic lower back strain, likely won’t be able to walk the four-mile round trip, and I have a cut on my foot that probably isn’t faring well buried in gritty particles. We are both overheated and tired, our pores leaking sweat. The bulky diaper, already uncomfortable after a half-day drive, even unused, feels like a damp furnace on my skin.

I’ll take you somewhere better, my mom promises, as if placating a sulky toddler. Another beach, a five-minute drive away. She says we used to wade in the water there, years and years ago, although I have no recollection of it.

“Okay,” I give in, and we slowly start making our way back down.

On Sunday, there’s one more place I want to go before we leave town: Frenchies Famous, a breakfast spot near the West Bay that I had found after scrolling through recommendations online. The restaurant is tucked away a few blocks inland, its small dining room closed for the time being. A path lined with daylilies leads to a to-go window on the side of the building, where we pick up an order of egg sandwiches and some truly stellar buttermilk biscuits with jam. We take our breakfast to a beachside park, wiping grease off our fingers and enjoying the lakefront view one final time from our car.

There are ducks. Not just one, but two broods. On the sand, near the water, five ducklings roost around their mother, nestling in close for a nap. She, too, tucks her head into her wing to sleep, but remains standing on one leg, alert to sudden movements. When I crouch down for photos, attempting to edge nearer, she whips her head up and gives me a look that is best described as “sentient.” I stop myself from going any further; when I was younger, I was once chased by a surprisingly buff mother goose for getting too close to her goslings. (This was when I discovered that geese have very sharp teeth). Since then, I’ve learned that it’s sometimes best not to tempt fate.

The second brood of ducklings is a little bigger, maybe older. Teenagers in the midst of hormone-driven rebellion, perhaps. As their mother shepherds them across the park’s greenery, two escape and waddle over a bicycle path, enticed by a roadside shrub. The mama duck quacks, like she is calling them back. But, again, teenagers — what can you do? She’s left with no choice but to take the rest of the brood across the path to join their unruly siblings, standing guard as bicycles and cars zoom past on either side of the shrub.

Point Betsie Lighthouse on Lake Michigan. The lighthouse was closed to visitors, but the beach was not.

“Naughty little ducks,” my mom remarks fondly in Mandarin. Not like my brother and me as kids, she says. Unlike these ducks, we generally did as we were told.

It’s a little on the nose, certainly, encountering these mallards — children clinging to their mother until they outgrow the reach of her embrace — on this mother-daughter trip of ours, taking place four months after my indefinite move back home. Sometimes I feel like I’ve regressed back to childhood, living with my mom again at 20-[REDACTED] years old. She washes most of the dishes, brings me bowls of cut fruit, presses her fingertips to my forehead when I have headaches. Other times, I suddenly find myself feeling more like the adult in the room, wanting to take care of her as I notice her memory slipping more, how she tires more easily. I cook. I clean. I buy her new pots and pans, a vacuum, a printer, like throwing money will help reconcile the reality that my mom is growing older, and I won’t always be here for it.

We’ve had more arguments lately, I think, related to this tension. I know I can respond childishly, giving her a version of the silent treatment when I’m upset, like I did as a temperamental preteen. She thinks she knows better than me, which is often true, but not always. I still don’t know how to justify why I came home to Michigan during this pandemic, except: This is my mom. Sometimes it feels like we’re all each other has, together alone. I want to shield her from the danger carried in each new breath out there, just as much as I still want to be protected by her. As if I’m 3 years old again, hiding from a scary world behind my mother’s skirts.

After leaving Traverse City, we go to places we’ve never been before: the exceptionally unadulterated waters of Crystal Lake; the tiny, tourism-rich city of Frankfort (population: 1,288); the Arcadia Dunes’s scenic overlook, with one of the most breathtaking views I’ve ever seen.

“咱们都是走新的路,” my mom says as we drive down a country road, largely empty in the late afternoon. We’re traveling a new road, is one translation. Or another: We’re all taking new paths.

She’s yawning nonstop, exhausted after driving all 350 miles of this trip so far. “Let me drive,” I offer repeatedly, until she finally acquiesces and pulls over. She’s dozing within 15 minutes of my taking the wheel.

I think I feel something for a second, but nothing happens — I just can’t let go of myself.

It feels good to drive on these long stretches of road, hurtling past trees and farmhouses and pastures dotted with grazing cows. The only discomfort is the aforementioned worst part of going anywhere: needing to pee. Yesterday I could barely go three hours without looking for a toilet; today, by some miracle or curse, I have not peed since 11:30 a.m. Now, six and a half hours later, I feel the telltale signs that usually indicate either a full bladder or a UTI.

My mom — whose last bathroom break had taken place in her diaper when we were leaving the Arcadia scenic turnout, she informed me nonchalantly as we pulled out of the parking lot — finally stirs. At her request, I stop at a Sunoco off M-10 near Mount Pleasant. To put it in polite terms, we are both in need of relief.

“It’s easier if you stand,” my mom advises, so we get out of the car and walk to the back of the gas station. I’m hoping no one is around to witness my big moment, but nearby there are truckers sitting in their 18-wheelers, a gas station employee taking trash out to the dumpster, a couple getting out of their car. It’s hard to concentrate. My mom tells me that she has already peed again (“just a little”) in the time it took for me to survey our surroundings. No pressure.

I try my best, my back to the wall, my mom standing in front of me like a shield. Clenching, unclenching, I fix my gaze on the American flag mounted from a pole in front of the Sunoco. Gusts of wind beat at the fabric, rippling it against the blue sky. I think I feel something for a second, but nothing happens — I just can’t let go of myself.

As always, my mom tries to comfort me: it’s easier for her because she’s done it before; my older brother didn’t know how to go inside his diaper, too, as a newborn; go on, I’ll barely feel a thing. I have a vision of myself in the driver’s seat, speeding as fast as I can down the highway, unleashing a torrent into the adult diaper, warm and golden and free.

But despite all my mom’s coaxing, I know that it won’t happen. I still have so much left to learn from her. For now, though, I give up the driver’s seat, my bladder still full. We get back into the car, turn onto the highway, and head home.

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On my first road trip up north with my mother in years, a drive to Northern Michigan feels like being alone together at the end of the world

Jenny G. Zhang is an Eater staff writer currently isolating at her childhood home in Michigan.

The worst part of going anywhere is usually, irrefutably, humiliatingly, needing to pee.

Rest stops can be few and far between; gas station facilities are almost always occupied by fellow travelers; stopping at restaurants and fast-food chains usually means buying at least a beverage, which then gets consumed, which then necessitates a bathroom all over again. Now multiply these difficulties by a factor of “pandemic” — in which many public bathrooms are closed, as flushing a toilet can create a potentially infectious plume of coronavirus aerosols that linger in the air — and your options whittle down to basically zero.

“What if we wear diapers?” I suggest to my mom four months into our COVID-19 crisis, as we consider this potential hurdle to our embarking on a weekend road trip. I’m joking, sort of, but the thought is apparently mutual — she has the same idea. It makes sense, in a way: After all, we already have a stockpile of adult diapers in the basement, left over from my mom’s previous road trip emergencies and my grandmother’s usage when she lived with us over than a decade ago. Moreover, it would just be me and my mom on the trip, no need to feel shy or embarrassed at the prospect of pissing our pants in each other’s presence. And at this point, what other alternatives are there?

Still, it is with some trepidation that I pull on a diaper one Saturday morning in July.

It is with some trepidation that I pull on a diaper one Saturday morning in July.

“Are we really going to just ... pee in the diapers?” I ask again as we pick at the last crumbs of our breakfast (frozen Costco croissants, warmed and eaten with strawberry jam, highly recommended). Soon we’ll begin double- and triple-checking our bags before loading the car.

“Of course,” she replies in Mandarin. “It feels strange at first, but I’m telling you, you don’t even notice it after.” She is speaking from experience, as a user of adult diapers on journeys past. I remember, when I was younger, feeling both envious of how my mom seemed so liberated from the tyranny of road trip potty breaks, as well as scornfully pitying that she had to resort to such tactics (as if I was somehow enlightened for holding it in for as long as I could).

But time makes fools of us all: Here I am, poised to follow in my mother’s footsteps — starting with discreet fit and maximum absorbency.

Our plan is simple: head 250 miles “up north,” a phrase that virtually everyone in Michigan knows. I heard it for the first time in elementary school, where, every June, my classmates would talk about their plans to summer with their families in their cabins “up north.” The precise geographic delineation is a bit fuzzy — in one Detroit Free Press article, a reader described “up north” as more of “a mindset” than a specific location. My north has always meant the northwestern edge of the state’s mitten, where pale yellow sand dunes meet the cerulean waves of Lake Michigan. My family drove four-ish hours up there, to the Sleeping Bear Dunes and Traverse City, every few years when I was a kid. Sometimes it would be just for the day; sometimes we would spend the night in a cheap motel, the four of us crammed in one room. We always returned to our home in the Detroit suburbs a little tanner and grittier, our shoes and the crevices of our car lined with sand that lingered for weeks.

Neither my dad (who lives and works in China) nor my older brother (on the East Coast) are here with us now, separated by the coronavirus and lives that diverged from ours years ago. But my mom and I can’t shake the desire to trace the path my family followed so many times back when we all lived under the same roof. To get out, to escape. To see anything beyond the walls of our house, from which we have rarely ventured since mid-March, when I returned home from New York for my birthday and never left.

The Arcadia Scenic Turnout, one of our eventual destinations

Escape: a word of longing, and a temptation that has proven irresistible lately, judging from the prevalence of beach visits and shared cabins in the woods documented on my friends’ and acquaintances’ social media feeds. CNN reports that Americans made 32.2 million trips of more than 50 miles during the week before the Fourth of July, 300,000 more than this time last year, per Maryland Transportation Institute data.

But there are obvious risks. My mom and I have seen the notorious flesh-against-flesh footage from Michigan’s Diamond Lake; we have tracked the peaks and valleys of COVID-19 cases in the state and across the country. To avoid becoming two more tallies on a graph would mean meticulously planning each detail of the trip, mitigating as much risk as we could: masks on indoors or near other people outdoors, sanitizing constantly, no crowds, no dining inside (or outside of) restaurants, and for the love of God, no public restrooms.

Driving a cool 77 miles per hour, the radio blasting Hot 100 pop, it feels like nothing has changed. But outside the sanctuary of our car, everything has.

Some attractions, like our first stop, the Dow Gardens — 110 acres in the city of Midland — are now appointment-only, with reservations made online to limit the number of visitors at any given time. Supposedly we came here once long ago, when we lived in nearby Saginaw, but I have no memory of the lush greenery or the ponds thick with scum. (The garden also has a restroom that we use with some apprehension, thus breaking our “no public restrooms” rule within just two hours — but appointment-only means it isn’t really public.)

My mom and I can’t shake the desire to trace the path my family followed so many times. To get out, to escape.

Meals, once opportunities to experience the local dining scene — or at least to wash your hands, sit still, and recharge — have become a largely vehicular matter. After Dow Gardens, lunching on takeout in the front seat while parked outside Basil Thai Bistro in Midland, I comprehend anew the one-handed appeal of fast-food staples like burgers and fries. Attempting to eat long noodles and loose rice straight out of plastic to-go boxes, using flimsy disposable utensils, is a game of trying not to splatter grease with each lift of the fork. I find myself missing tables with a passion I have never before mustered for basic furniture items.

Gas stations are a crapshoot of mask usage, despite Gov. Gretchen Whitmer’s impending executive order requiring face coverings indoors and in crowded outdoor spaces. I grab bottled drinks and junky snacks — Cheddar & Sour Cream Lay’s, Sour Punch Bites, Gardetto’s, the more mindlessly processed the better — and check out as quickly as I can. One clerk, standing behind a clear barrier, moves lethargically, his bandana-mask slung around his neck like a scarf. At another station, the cashier is bagging my purchase from behind the countertop shield when the door’s bell jingles and then stops. An unmasked woman stands on the front step, reading the sign on the door requesting that customers wear masks inside. “Need a mask,” she mutters, before letting the door fall shut again and returning to her car.

“They always forget,” the clerk, a woman with a dyed-red ponytail and her own mask, comments as she hands me the plastic bag from under the barrier. “The new normal.”

Escape is apparently on everyone’s minds. I reserved our hotel, located across the street from the lakeshore in Traverse City’s East Bay, a few days ago online, and it was one of the last I could find in the whole city. We drove past at least a dozen hotels on the lakeshore road, most bearing signs proclaiming, “NO VACANCIES.”

“Has it been busy this summer?” I ask an employee standing behind an enormous sneeze guard that stretches across the reception desk. I’m using a pen to sign the receipt confirming the night’s stay.

“Oh yeah,” she replies, directing me to dispose of the pen in a basket on my side of the barrier. They have been completely booked almost every week, she says, and recites their new COVID policies: no pool, no breakfast buffet, no housekeeping unless requested. The hotel has a strict mask-on rule for public areas, like the lobby and elevator. Floor decals mark the appropriate six-foot distances to stand apart from other guests.

A scenic view at Dow Gardens

Takeout in the front seat from Basil Thai Bistro in Midland

Our room upstairs has been vacant for a day, long enough that we probably don’t need to worry about virus droplets suspended in the air. Still, upon entering, we immediately open the window and set to cleaning all visible surfaces, using disinfectant spray and wipes we brought with us from home. It’s that mindset, more than anything, that will linger long after SARS-CoV-2 becomes an unpleasant memory in the minds of the living: no longer being able to trust that anywhere outside home can be safe.

The modern road trip, in the American imagination, is inextricable from the idea of the past — the glorification of nostalgia for a different time, whether rooted in childhood memories or the fantasy of an idealized nation. The archetypal image is one of a white family in the postwar prosperity decades, cruising down the newly paved Interstate, stopping at roadside diners and motels, enjoying a freedom epitomized by open roads and mass consumption, whether of material goods, fuel, experiences, or the nation itself.

The whiteness of this vision cannot be expunged; as Candacy Taylor wrote for the Atlantic in 2016, “every mile was a minefield” for Black Americans, who were regularly denied access to food and lodging across the country’s crisscross network of highways. Up north, I can’t forget about the historical underpinnings of the road trip, as well as the so-called “blinding whiteness” of Northern Michigan. We pass by huge “TRUMP: KEEP AMERICA GREAT” banners — one surrounded by barbed wire on a rural lawn, and one on the back of a pickup truck — and my anxiety heightens, as I think of the anti-Asian attacks taking place across the U.S., fueled in part by the president’s blatant displays of racism and assignment of blame for the pandemic on Chinese people.

But despite the quintessential road trip’s origins in a white Americana, immigrant families like my own have continued to gravitate toward this mode of travel, lured by its comparative affordability as well as its promises of freedom, of openness, of the American Dream — all things, real or imagined, that have drawn immigrants to this land in the first place. The cracks in that myth have always been visible, but I didn’t recognize them for what they were when I was young. Maybe this trip, back to a place I loved so much as a child, is just my own manifestation of nostalgia for the way things used to be, before I knew any better.

The Sleeping Bear Dunes

The Sleeping Bear Dunes are a 45-minute drive from the hotel, located on the northwest curve of the Lower Peninsula, between lakes Glen and Michigan. It’s evening by the time we arrive at the famous Dune Climb, but the sun still blazes overhead, baking the sand till it’s hot to the touch. One of the best sensations, as a child, was burrowing my feet deep into the sand, seeking the cool beneath the surface.

Back then, the dunes seemed to stretch upward like mile-high walls, slippery and impenetrable. My family and I would climb them, our bare feet sinking into the sand, racing and stumbling and sitting and turning around to behold the expanse of blue that was Glen Lake in the distance. I was 2 or 3 the first time we went, my mom tells me, so young that my dad had to carry me up the dune on his shoulders. My brother was old enough to squirm his own way up; we have a photo of him crawling in the sand, shrieking with laughter. It was always so beautiful back then.

I want to walk to the coastline in search of some clarity or epiphany or at least a new sight, but my mom stops me.

The dunes are just like I remember, in some ways: the public restroom and the vending machines at one end of the parking lot; the soft sand, still shifting beneath my feet; the grasses that inexplicably sprout from nothing in this dry landscape. The parking lot is half-filled with cars: people like us, seeking solace in the outdoors. We begin our journey to the top. The breeze is strong, and the dune wide enough that we can ascend and descend without bumping into anyone else.

But some things are different from the scenes in my memory. The dune feels so much shorter, for one. Was it ever a vast desert, or was that just in my mind, a scale from the eyes of a child? Today it takes just 20 minutes to trudge up the main face, and that is at the leisurely pace of an admittedly out-of-shape mother-daughter duo. We pause intermittently to catch our breath and pass back and forth a handheld misting fan. Below us, children scream and sprint down the dune as their parents play the indulgent audience. Ahead, endless dunes rise before us; two miles beyond them lies Lake Michigan, invisible from here.

The shore of Glen Lake, on the road to the Sleeping Bear Dunes

In all our visits, we have never followed the trail that leads from this dune all the way to the coastline. I want to, this time, in search of some clarity or epiphany or at least a new sight, but my mom stops me, says there’s no point in going further. She, with her chronic lower back strain, likely won’t be able to walk the four-mile round trip, and I have a cut on my foot that probably isn’t faring well buried in gritty particles. We are both overheated and tired, our pores leaking sweat. The bulky diaper, already uncomfortable after a half-day drive, even unused, feels like a damp furnace on my skin.

I’ll take you somewhere better, my mom promises, as if placating a sulky toddler. Another beach, a five-minute drive away. She says we used to wade in the water there, years and years ago, although I have no recollection of it.

“Okay,” I give in, and we slowly start making our way back down.

On Sunday, there’s one more place I want to go before we leave town: Frenchies Famous, a breakfast spot near the West Bay that I had found after scrolling through recommendations online. The restaurant is tucked away a few blocks inland, its small dining room closed for the time being. A path lined with daylilies leads to a to-go window on the side of the building, where we pick up an order of egg sandwiches and some truly stellar buttermilk biscuits with jam. We take our breakfast to a beachside park, wiping grease off our fingers and enjoying the lakefront view one final time from our car.

There are ducks. Not just one, but two broods. On the sand, near the water, five ducklings roost around their mother, nestling in close for a nap. She, too, tucks her head into her wing to sleep, but remains standing on one leg, alert to sudden movements. When I crouch down for photos, attempting to edge nearer, she whips her head up and gives me a look that is best described as “sentient.” I stop myself from going any further; when I was younger, I was once chased by a surprisingly buff mother goose for getting too close to her goslings. (This was when I discovered that geese have very sharp teeth). Since then, I’ve learned that it’s sometimes best not to tempt fate.

The second brood of ducklings is a little bigger, maybe older. Teenagers in the midst of hormone-driven rebellion, perhaps. As their mother shepherds them across the park’s greenery, two escape and waddle over a bicycle path, enticed by a roadside shrub. The mama duck quacks, like she is calling them back. But, again, teenagers — what can you do? She’s left with no choice but to take the rest of the brood across the path to join their unruly siblings, standing guard as bicycles and cars zoom past on either side of the shrub.

Point Betsie Lighthouse on Lake Michigan. The lighthouse was closed to visitors, but the beach was not.

“Naughty little ducks,” my mom remarks fondly in Mandarin. Not like my brother and me as kids, she says. Unlike these ducks, we generally did as we were told.

It’s a little on the nose, certainly, encountering these mallards — children clinging to their mother until they outgrow the reach of her embrace — on this mother-daughter trip of ours, taking place four months after my indefinite move back home. Sometimes I feel like I’ve regressed back to childhood, living with my mom again at 20-[REDACTED] years old. She washes most of the dishes, brings me bowls of cut fruit, presses her fingertips to my forehead when I have headaches. Other times, I suddenly find myself feeling more like the adult in the room, wanting to take care of her as I notice her memory slipping more, how she tires more easily. I cook. I clean. I buy her new pots and pans, a vacuum, a printer, like throwing money will help reconcile the reality that my mom is growing older, and I won’t always be here for it.

We’ve had more arguments lately, I think, related to this tension. I know I can respond childishly, giving her a version of the silent treatment when I’m upset, like I did as a temperamental preteen. She thinks she knows better than me, which is often true, but not always. I still don’t know how to justify why I came home to Michigan during this pandemic, except: This is my mom. Sometimes it feels like we’re all each other has, together alone. I want to shield her from the danger carried in each new breath out there, just as much as I still want to be protected by her. As if I’m 3 years old again, hiding from a scary world behind my mother’s skirts.

After leaving Traverse City, we go to places we’ve never been before: the exceptionally unadulterated waters of Crystal Lake; the tiny, tourism-rich city of Frankfort (population: 1,288); the Arcadia Dunes’s scenic overlook, with one of the most breathtaking views I’ve ever seen.

“咱们都是走新的路,” my mom says as we drive down a country road, largely empty in the late afternoon. We’re traveling a new road, is one translation. Or another: We’re all taking new paths.

She’s yawning nonstop, exhausted after driving all 350 miles of this trip so far. “Let me drive,” I offer repeatedly, until she finally acquiesces and pulls over. She’s dozing within 15 minutes of my taking the wheel.

I think I feel something for a second, but nothing happens — I just can’t let go of myself.

It feels good to drive on these long stretches of road, hurtling past trees and farmhouses and pastures dotted with grazing cows. The only discomfort is the aforementioned worst part of going anywhere: needing to pee. Yesterday I could barely go three hours without looking for a toilet; today, by some miracle or curse, I have not peed since 11:30 a.m. Now, six and a half hours later, I feel the telltale signs that usually indicate either a full bladder or a UTI.

My mom — whose last bathroom break had taken place in her diaper when we were leaving the Arcadia scenic turnout, she informed me nonchalantly as we pulled out of the parking lot — finally stirs. At her request, I stop at a Sunoco off M-10 near Mount Pleasant. To put it in polite terms, we are both in need of relief.

“It’s easier if you stand,” my mom advises, so we get out of the car and walk to the back of the gas station. I’m hoping no one is around to witness my big moment, but nearby there are truckers sitting in their 18-wheelers, a gas station employee taking trash out to the dumpster, a couple getting out of their car. It’s hard to concentrate. My mom tells me that she has already peed again (“just a little”) in the time it took for me to survey our surroundings. No pressure.

I try my best, my back to the wall, my mom standing in front of me like a shield. Clenching, unclenching, I fix my gaze on the American flag mounted from a pole in front of the Sunoco. Gusts of wind beat at the fabric, rippling it against the blue sky. I think I feel something for a second, but nothing happens — I just can’t let go of myself.

As always, my mom tries to comfort me: it’s easier for her because she’s done it before; my older brother didn’t know how to go inside his diaper, too, as a newborn; go on, I’ll barely feel a thing. I have a vision of myself in the driver’s seat, speeding as fast as I can down the highway, unleashing a torrent into the adult diaper, warm and golden and free.

But despite all my mom’s coaxing, I know that it won’t happen. I still have so much left to learn from her. For now, though, I give up the driver’s seat, my bladder still full. We get back into the car, turn onto the highway, and head home.

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[prinanalogicality]

My Love

ANGST. Friends, this is going to be seriously angsty. Please check out the tags before reading this, because there are some definite trigger warnings in this piece. I want all of you to be safe and not feel triggered or attacked, so check the tags to make sure you are all right before reading this. The topics touched on in this can really upset some people. I made myself cry a lot.

I have done light research on these topics, but I am not someone who knows everything. If there are any inconsistencies or anything that I say wrong, please, call me out. I want to be correct and do this topic justice, I will gladly fix anything. This will definitely be under a read more because it is angsty, but if someone is on mobile and is having a hard time accessing the fic, message me privately (not on anon, because I cannot get it to you if I do not know who you are and cannot message you back privately.)

Also, I broke my finger but here I am, dudes. It got hit really hard and dislocated, but I popped it back and I’m here to write some heavy angst. ;) It isn’t necessary, but I strongly recommend you listen to My Love by Sia if you read this. I wouldn’t consider this a song fic, because this wasn’t inspired by the song, but I was listening to the song and it really resonated with this idea. So, if you want to intensify your emotions, please listen to the song. I weaved it into the story because why not. XXX

Okay, last thing for me to say. This may sound strange to you all, but I do not want to refer to Anxiety or Morality as anything but those terms, unless they are pet names (Sunshine, An, Mo, beloved, love, etc.). Yes, they are humans in this, but until their proper names are released, I will continue to call them by their current labels. I hardly ever say Logic in place of Logan or Princey instead of Roman. I just like to have the proper terms is all, so, if the read seems strange at all, my apologies! ( @notallpotatoesarefrenchfries & @velocifoxy )

Summary: Human!Sides. All Anxiety wants is to grow old beside Roman, but it seems that fate has different plans in mind.

AO3 link here.

Pairing: Prinxiety. Angst, with light, small mentions of fluff. Mentioned logicality.

My love, leave yourself behind

Anxiety remembers the beginning of their relationship.

He and Roman were nothing but fireworks. Every touch, every shared look, every spoken word. Everything left sparks in the pit of his stomach and a tingle in his fingertips, making him crave more, always more. There was just something about the man that made Anxiety desperate for more adventures, more life.

More time.

Beat inside me, leave you blind

Anxiety never thought that he would enjoy life.

He always pictured himself as someone who worked to survive, lived to survived, did everything to simply survive, but not legitimately live. He didn’t truly start living his life until he met Roman, a whirlwind of excitement and passion that swept Anxiety, quite literally on several occasions, off of his feet.

Morality and Logan had introduced them. They were pursuing a relationship of their own, so, of course, they had to introduce their best friends to each other in turn. Logan and Roman had grown up together, and Morality and Anxiety had. Morality wanted nothing more than for his best friend to meet his boyfriend, and he had insisted Logan do the same.

So he did.

My love, you have found peace

Anxiety knew from the moment his eyes first landed on Roman that his heart didn’t stand a chance.

He was tall. Taller than Anxiety, that’s for sure. At least 6′, broad shoulders, jawline that could slice through diamonds. Dark brown hair to match dark brown eyes that glittered with mirth. Roman was the definition of perfection, like a Disney prince stepped off of a storybook page. His body was a bonus, but what really got to Anxiety was the brightness of his smile. He smiled at Anxiety like he was the light of his world, his sun, his moon, his stars, his entire universe. It was something Anxiety never knew he needed from someone until they met, something he thrived on.

You were searching for relief

Anxiety remembers lying beneath the stars with Roman.

It was their first date, one full of ice cream, laughter, and shy hand holding. Roman told Anxiety of how he reminded him of the stars in the sky. He said Anxiety’s eyes were a green that held gold within them that sparkled and twinkled like stars, and though he never held much of an interest in stars before, he picked up a book and learned constellations. He pointed them out to Anxiety, and Anxiety had never felt more alive than he did listening to Roman speak to him, their fingers intertwined.

You gave it all, gave into the call

Anxiety was filled with a brightness that he never knew before when he was with Roman. With Roman, he felt unstoppable. All of his inhibitions, all of his inner demons. They were silenced by his prince in shining armor, protecting him from the cruelties of himself and of the outside world. He guided Anxiety into the light, to a new world of contentment and excitement. It all made Anxiety actively want to seek out new experiences, because all he wanted to do was to do these things by Roman’s side.

You took a chance and you took a fall for us

It started with headaches.

Roman would take to napping on Anxiety’s couch, head on said boy’s lap, instead of going out. It concerned Anxiety to a degree, but Roman always insisted it was nothing to worry about. Just a simple headache, and a nap should be able to clear it right away.

That is, until it ended up being a repeated occurrence.

You came thoughtfully, loved me faithfully

Next came the forgetfulness.

If there is one thing Roman was, it was a hopeless romantic. He insisted on taking Anxiety to the most grandiose restaurant at least once a month (he wanted to more often, but Anxiety resisted Roman spending that much money on him), which was typically on the month anniversaries of their relationship. He constantly spoiled his lover with gifts such as flowers or stuffed animals, even the manner in which he spoke to Anxiety reflected his hopeless romanticism.

He forgot their one year anniversary.

That was what really tipped Anxiety off to the matter that there must be something wrong with his boyfriend. Roman would never, ever forget their one year anniversary under normal circumstances, and the fact that he would forget it did not madden Anxiety, it worried him.

Initially, Anxiety’s inner demons whispered that it was all because Roman had someone new. Roman must have been having headaches from being stressed over juggling two relationships, so he forgot their anniversary. That must be it. Roman was the perfect man to the eyes of many, several people would jump at the chance to pursue a relationship with him, even if he was meant to be monogamous with someone else. Anxiety supposed he wasn’t the type to live out a happily ever after.

You taught me honor, you did it for me

Their first real fight tore Anxiety apart.

He accused Roman of seeing someone else, and he had never seen such rage within his boyfriend. Roman lashed out, throwing his mug of tea onto the ground and scolding Anxiety for ever thinking of such an outlandish accusation. It was a night of raised voices, tears, and slammed doors only to be met with impatient knocking. It took several hours for both parties to calm down enough to talk things through, and once they did, Anxiety saw Roman cry for the first time.

He wept. He begged Anxiety for his forgiveness, because he didn’t even know what was going on in his life anymore. He was forgetting meals, dates, things to buy at the grocery store. It was eating him up that he forgot the most important day for him and Anxiety, and Anxiety instantly felt an intense guilt for ever pushing his prince to the mess he was in that instance.

They ended up spending their anniversary night in Roman’s bed, curled up under the covers together, boxes of tissues at the ready as they released their emotions through binge watching sad videos on YouTube.

Today you will sleep away, you will wait for me, my love

Next came the vision loss. Anxiety had been at home, curled up on his sofa in a blanket burrito and rereading the first Harry Potter novel when he had received a panicked phone call from Roman, who was alarmed because he could barely see out of his left eye.

Anxiety’s book was immediately forgotten as he had gone to Roman’s apartment, relieved that his boyfriend had been smart enough to wait for Anxiety to come instead of rushing to Anxiety’s apartment. Roman was crying, again, hand covering his left eye and uncovering, asking no one in particular why there was hardly a difference.

Now I am strong, you gave me all

Anxiety had decided that enough was enough. He helped Roman into his car and drove him to the hospital, signed him in to be seen, and sat on Roman’s lap, because Roman had wanted to hold him close and make sure that this was real, that this was happening. Anxiety could feel the eyes of others in the waiting room, staring at a crying boy hugging another like his life depended on it, but for once, Anxiety didn’t care that they were being judged.

He flipped them all off and embraced his boyfriend.

You gave all you had, 

Roman had been called back to be seen, and from the get-go, Anxiety could tell that something was wrong. The doctor would not tell them anything, nothing at all when Roman described his symptoms with Anxiety weighing in to agree and go into deeper detail. All the doctor did was order a CT scan and that was that.

It terrified Anxiety that the doctor wanted to look inside of Roman. Roman’s head, to be exact. That was all the doctor divulged before exiting, sparing Anxiety a sympathetic glance. Anxiety didn’t want a sympathetic glance. He wanted to be told that all Roman had was a common cold and all he needed was antibiotics and he would be fine in a few days.

The waiting was agonizing. Waiting for the nurse to take Roman to his CT scan, waiting for her to bring him back once they had gone, waiting for the results. It was awful, but Anxiety had to be strong. He was there for Roman, they were sharing a small hospital bed and Roman was clinging onto Anxiety as his rock, as the one who would make him feel better. He had to be strong and supportive as Roman murmured his fears, his worries. It felt strange, the roles being switched. But Anxiety had learned from the best how to be supportive.

And now I am whole

The waiting was painful, but nothing hurt more than the doctor’s news.

Roman had two masses in his brain.

My love, leave yourself behind, beat inside me, leave you blind

The news had hurt, the news was downright torment, but all it did was make Anxiety feel numb. Roman had been clinging onto him, asking about how he was supposed to tell his friends, how was he to tell Logan, Morality, how was he to tell his family, how was he to tell his mother. How was he to tell his mother that her son, her only child, was dying.

Anxiety had listened to it all. He had been silent, taking in Roman’s words, cherishing the moments they had together. Roman’s fingers had been gripping his hips probably hard enough to bruise, but Anxiety didn’t care. Roman was there with him, it was Roman who was holding him, the man he has always wanted nothing more than to live with forever.

My love, look what you can do, I am mending, I’ll be with you

Out of everything Roman had said while rambling about his fears, one phrase stuck out to Anxiety.

“I wanted to marry you.”

That was what broke him. Anxiety felt heat behind his eyes and behind his nose, his throat was closing up. His palms were itchy, his neck was itchy, his lungs were burning with the need for air, but all he could do was tremble in his love’s arms, sobs wracking his body. He had listened as Roman’s tone of voice changed, how his words had shifted to speak positives, of how much he adores Anxiety, how much he loves him, what he loves about him, how much he means to him. Roman was the one that was potentially dying and here he was, comforting Anxiety again.

Anxiety was so in love that it hurt.

You took my hand, added a plan

Anxiety hadn’t expected the news to come back so negatively, but, more than anything, he hadn’t expected the hospital to give the way they did.

Roman had been admitted into the hospital. In order to determine the specifics of his conditions and to pinpoint the necessary treatments, the doctor had him admitted, and unfortunately, Anxiety had to go home sometime. He had to gather things for Roman - clean underwear, phone charger, etc. He also had to gather things for himself, as there was no way he was going to leave Roman’s side during this. He received a text to grab Roman’s coat that was hanging up by the front door, the brown one, and he was specifically instructed to not check the pockets. It had been a strange request, but one Anxiety followed through with anyhow.

Upon his return, he hadn’t expected Roman’s room to have rose petals leading up to the door. He hadn’t expected to enter the room to find more flowers, potted plants adorned around the room. It was a lovely sight, save for the tired form of his boyfriend on the hospital bed. He looked winded, like he had been running around - to which Anxiety would not doubt it. Roman was always a whirlwind of activity and energy.

You gave me your heart, I asked you to dance with me

Roman hadn’t said a word. All he did was rise, gently take the items from Anxiety’s hands, set them aside. He had pulled a small black velvet box from the pocket of his coat, and all Anxiety felt was that spark in his stomach, the tingling in his fingertips.

“I spoke with some of the nurses. This is pretty last minute, obviously, but hey, who knows how long we have?” Roman’s voice had been so soft, so tender. A stark contrast from his normal excitable tone. “You know, the staff here is fantastic. They ordered all of these flowers for us, I helped them with arranging them. Kinda tired me out, believe it or not.” He had let out a breathy laugh, slowly moving to kneel down onto one knee. Anxiety’s heart was racing so quickly that he could practically feel his blood thrumming through his body. “We called up our friends, closest friends, I mean. Logan and Morality, obviously. And my parents, yours. Our parents are calling up other close relatives to bring them in as well. They aren’t sure of why, but I told them it was an emergency. They’re on their way.” Roman slowly opens the box, presenting it to Anxiety, revealing a glistening black ring with several white diamonds within the band. It was show-stoppingly beautiful. “I’ve been saving up since I was a child to be able to afford the perfect wedding ring for my beloved. I hope this is sufficient.” He lets out another breathy laugh, his soft gaze meeting Anxiety’s. “This won’t be the perfect wedding that I always imagined, I know. I have only wanted the best for you, for us, but it seems that we may not be able to have that. But, despite that, it would be an incredible honor if you, Anxiety Thomas Sanders, would be so kind as to marry an old sap like me. Here, right now, today, while I can still dance with you. In this room, with those important to us, because I want to be yours and I want you to be mine for all eternity, no matter how long I’m still here. Will you?”

You loved honestly, gave what you could release

Anxiety had been unsure of when he had started crying, but at some point he had. No words needed to be said. He had simply dropped to his knees and held his hand out for Roman to slip the ring onto his finger. Roman’s bright smile lit up the entire room, filling Anxiety with the warmth that he has become addicted to.

Morality and Logan were the first to arrive. They found them, both still sat on the floor, clinging to one another for dear life.

I know in peace you’ll go, I hope relief is yours

It took about three hours for the rest of the desired family members to file in. Even in the current circumstances, Roman had been smiling and laughing, sat on his hospital bed with Anxiety snuggled close beside him. He looked so bright, so joyous, and Anxiety was angry.

Angry with the world for doing something like this to someone so great. Roman was a light to the world, someone who deserved so much life, but fate is cruel. Fate wanted to take away the happiness in Anxiety’s life.

Despite that, though, he couldn’t feel completely drained. The ring on his finger gave him hope, more hope than he could conjure up alone.

Now I am strong, you gave me all

The ceremony was beautiful.

The hospital staff had come together to bring in a priest to marry them. It was astounding, to Anxiety, how complete strangers could band together to do so much for people they do not even know. It gave Anxiety hope for the world.

Something that will always be ingrained into his memories is the look on Roman’s face when Anxiety had stepped around the corner to venture into the room, wearing a pair of ripped skinny jeans and one of Roman’s hoodies that was baggy on his frame. He had smiled more brightly than ever, it shone through the room like sunlight. It reminded Anxiety of why he fell in love with him.

You gave all you had, and now I am whole

Their kiss was the most intense, most beautifully stunning fireworks production Anxiety could imagine.

My love, beat inside me, my love

Anxiety was there for it all.

He sat beside his husband’s bed or with him on it, day by day, as Roman’s condition deteriorated through the months.

Many cases are able to go home, but with how quickly Roman’s infliction was spreading, he was kept at the hospital.

Anxiety was there when Roman cried every time he discovered more of his hair falling out. Anxiety was there when Roman would let out the contents of his stomach into the waste bin. Anxiety was there when Roman finally lost sight in both of his eyes. Anxiety was there when Roman cried, wishing he could see the stars in his love’s eyes again.

My love, leave yourself behind

The nights were hard. Anxiety couldn’t sleep, he hardly would even if he had the opportunity to. He wanted to be awake as much as possible, to revel in the presence of his husband while he still could.

He would murmur to him at night. He would tell Roman that he is so strong, but sometimes, it is stronger to let go. He would tell Roman of how he knows their love is strong, that no matter what happens, Roman will live on within him. No matter where they are, Anxiety is in Roman, and Roman is in Anxiety.

They were together for one year, seven months, sixteen days, five hours.

They were married for four months, three days, nine hours.

Beat inside me,

Anxiety was there when Roman held his hand. Anxiety was there when Roman told him he loved him. Anxiety was there when Roman offered him one last smile, one last goodbye.

Anxiety was there when Roman finally let go.

I’ll be with you

His prince was gone.

Anxiety still wears his wedding ring.

[blueisunlucky]

1. more cereal than milk 2. no 3. a broken adventure time card holder given to me from the one that got away on halloween three years ago 4. i don’t drink coffee & i take my tea with two sugars, sometimes one and a half, depending on the size of the mug 5. yes 6. no, but i’d like to 7. - 8. words 9. no 10. side 11. shipping each other with males whom they have a vague connection with (e.g. makes a teacher laugh once, sees a random boy’s name on their Snapchat contact list that we don’t know,) 12. earth 13. my brother showing me a meme 14. spiral stairs, raw brick walls, a neutral colour scheme and warm fairy lights. lots of them. these fairy lights will be stringed across the walls and have candid poleroid photos pegged to them. tables covered in newspaper clippings, sketches of plants and fairytale creatures, cutouts from magazines and used mugs. strange abstract paintings from market stalls that we thought were funny, creaky wooden flooring and shaggy rugs on top. 15. 99% of our solar system’s mass is the sun! the sun is fucking huge 16. spaghetti without the sauce 17. blonde, but people think it wouldn’t suit me. blue seems intriguing 18. i used to write these cheesy erotic short stories about my friend and some guy (see no. 11) on scrap pieces of paper for my friends to annoy the said friend. these papers are now lost, but the memories of them aren’t 19. no. i have tried, but i always forget about it after a while 20. blue, for the first girl my heart latched on to. 21. i don’t have a specific bag, but an assortment of school bags that constantly broke or were horribly bulky that i kept pushing or bashing people 22. is anyone? 23. write, but i never get the time anymore 24. yes 25. me break into someplace? ha i’m a pussy 26. what is this question? my school shoes, because i’m obliged to wear black shoes? 27. bubblegum is already a flavour 28. sunset 29. one of my friends literally lights up from about 20 to 100 if you mention something she likes. she has such pure, childlike enthusiasm 30. yes 31. socks. I despise the rise of ankle socks. you’re paying the full price for half a sock. like?!!1!? otherwise, i enjoy all socks, frilly, knee length, comical, odd. maybe not sports socks though 32. i have never been out with my friends after 3am. sad times. 33. apple pie, no doubt 34. i had a stuffed tiger toy called “Tiger” but pronounced like “Tigger”. he wasn’t the Disney one. my father bought it for my mother, and she gave it to me. my younger self called him my husband and I liked kissing him. he currently sits at the back of my wardrobe. 35. i am the stationary whore. i steal and hoard pens, pencils, rubbers, coloured paper, paper clips, etc, that i find on the floor or abandoned in classrooms when the coast is clear. 36. coldplay 37. messy 38. the sound of chewing, saliva, and those sort of things 39. i’m not sure. if i had to choose, i’d guess grey? 40. i have a gold ring with a gold bow on it in the drawer of my wardrobe. back in high school, me and my mates had this inside joke that one of my friends and I were “married”, so one April she and the others came to my house and she joke proposed to me. 41. Thanks for the Trouble, by Tommy Wallach 42. i wish i had a small, pretty corner coffee shop to tell stories about, but i just don’t drink coffee. all i got is the Starbucks and the Costa’s i grab hot chocolates from when i’m outside and alone, or when my friends feel like it 43. probably my cat 44. AS results day. we all got crappy grades, and the four of us sat in a playground and laughed 45. no 46. compasses and protractors are banned from my school because they’re considered weapons of math destruction 47. peppercorns 48. i don’t think i had a fear when i was younger, but now i fear rejection and being seen as boring 49. i’ve never owned a record and the last CD i had was given to me during primary school. everyone uses online copies now, unless they’re being aesthetic ™ 50. stationary (see no. 35). 51. Jenny, by Studio Killers 52. is Hollyweed considered a meme? 53. nope. i’m uncultured swine 54. my mother 55. pretend to forget, like faking momentary amnesia, and boy, it was the worst decision i’ve made to this day 56. nicknames, gift giving outside of holidays or birthdays, remembering little details 57. chaotic, suicidal, but nearing the end, strangely peaceful 58. i’m the vodka aunt, for i spike my own tea with it, as an “experiment”. I’m yet to find the wine mom 59. religion 60. yeah, i like it. La Belle Dame Sans Merci, by John Keats, at the moment, but i haven’t read enough to make an informed decision 61. a toy cross bow for my father. he never used it, and i don’t know why i got that; i just wanted to get him something. for me, a penguin cuddly you from a girl i hardly talked to anymore. i was sixteen or seventeen i think? i don’t mean to be rude but why? 62. i don’t have time to drink in the morning. the exception would be when i was doing that vodka-tea experiment (see no. 58) 63. my books are currently in a rainbow colour order. if they weren’t, i wouldn’t care too much 64. a pale blue, with a smudge of purple-grey clouds 65. the first friend i ever made, Tusma. she moved houses at the end of year three. i haven’t seen her in about eight years 66. depends. i’m torn between going dainty and picking yellow: buttercups, dandelions, daisies, with soft clovers and the occasional purple wildflower, like a rugged, forest fairy. or standing fierce, a red rose crown, thick with thorns, holly leaves and berries, some crushed, scarlet liquid dripping down my forehead but eyes staring straight ahead. 67. powerful, invisible, stealthy 68. cold, bitter, sometimes dry like a cough or wet and uncomfortable. it doesn’t snow anymore 69. scrabble, monopoly 70. in year nine, some kids decided they wanted to use a ouija board. i was curious, and i walked into the science room they were planning to use when the teachers were gone and the lights were off, despite my friends’ protests. it wasn’t an actual ouija board, but an imitation, scribbles on a piece of paper. i can’t remember who did it with me, but i’m pretty sure some of them were the popular kids. we felt no presence, although everyone tried their best to scare each other. we never said goodbye. no ghosts have haunted or killed me yet. 71. earl grey, or normal tea with a sprinkle of ginger 72. i feel as if i’m going to forget and can’t handle things, but i rarely note things down. i seem to cope, just 73. daydreaming, procrastinating, not being able to keep my own secrets 74. shy, quiet bean, needs to be protected at all costs, their laugh is more of a giggle, good at art, baby of the group, secretly wants to get drunk and make out with people, i suspect a little bi-curious but i can’t be sure, has technology and food kinks (but not at the same time) 75. i have a black and white cat named Wallace, after Wallace from Wallace & Gromit, because he eats cheese. he has a wonky tongue because he cut it on something but we never found out what that something was. he’s eleven years old, so he’s getting on now, and i think there’s a rising rivalry between Wallace and a mysterious black cat that keeps popping up near our garden 76. revising, duh 77. have never tried pink lemonade, so yellow 78. hateclub 79. sent me a claraxeleven edit as means to make me stay when i was thinking of running away. i thought only those deep in the doctor who fandom watched those, and it may have suggested i was rubbing off on him 80. lilac. i chose it because when i first moved into this room i was sharing it with my younger sister, so i wanted to choose a colour that she wouldn’t hate that was also not pink 81. watery brown stone (cba) 82. yeah, i was usually in the top or second top groups 83. i don’t buy albums, so i wouldn’t know where to start 84. yes. a small TARDIS at the back of my neck. maybe a ruffled feather, despite it being a little cliché, it has a literal importance to me. something related to space on one of my thighs, and perhaps something with roses, or skulls 85. unfortunately, no 86. i don’t know what those are 87. The Imitation Game, High School Musical, Edward Scissorhands, Men in Black, Shrek, Home Alone, Independence Day, The Wizard of Oz, Harry Potter, Hidden Figures, the Star Wars trilogy, Freaky Friday, Titanic, Jurassic Park, Alien, Terminator, Jaws, Jumanji 88. dancing when i’m alone, and dabbing (sorry not sorry) 89. debatable 90. it isn’t a city, but my favourite place is the Isle of Wight. i first tried tea in a big blue breakfast room at the b&b and learned to play pool at a pool table you had to put a pound in to play. i fed a lamb and my brother wet the bed and we watched a Lara Croft movie in our little room and it rained most of the time but i loved it all so 91. no where 92. barely sprinkles 93. bedhead, sometimes brushed 94. yesterday, a boy who loves me but i ran out of love months ago 95. nothing unusual 96. procrastinate 97. myer briggs? what is this? capricorn, gryffindor 98. NCS, where we all hiked across the coast of Wales, and at the end of it i thought my legs were going to fall off and my feet were all numb. beautiful views though 99. If I Lose Myself, One Republic; Give Your Heart a Break, Demi Lovato; Get Out, Casey Abrams; Oh No!, Marina and the Diamonds; Spectrum, Zedd 100. past, because i know what i’d do

[belindasnyder97]

Back With The Ex Erik Stupendous Unique Ideas

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Want My Ex Back Quotes

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Get The Ex Wife Back