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peachymilkandcream · 10 months

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My Husband, My Monster|Part 4|William Afton x Wife!Reader

(A/N: I'm so happy to see all the love going into this silly little series. We all know it'll be short and eventually end but we're all here for the ride. It's pretty interesting having to research when things like oral birth control, at home pregnancy tests availibility, child support enforcement and seeing how women had to cope with things like this back then. Hope you enjoy this new part and reply to this post to be added to the taglist or hop in my inbox with requests, headcanons, or overall questions or comments! <3)

WARNINGS: noncon, dubcon, power imbalance, age difference, manipulation, mind breaking, yandere themes, yandere behaviours, domestic violence, misogyny, violence, baby trapping, William’s a warning himself, etc.

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It was inevitable, William never was one to care too much about things like contraception. A waste of money and they always killed the mood, never giving him the full extent of his enjoyment. The pill that all these young girls were taking was still too new for his liking, and William believed that it would ruin a woman's body, so he never told her to take it.

Besides, this was what he wanted, he wanted a family but without the hard work. Now he could have it.

From the sidelines he was the supportive lover, reassuring her that everything would be fine and that more than likely she wasn't pregnant, but he still dutifully drove her to a doctor to get a test. Silently he wished they had come up with at home tests already to avoid these kinds of embarrassing situations. Medicine was still largely dominated by men even though the idea of her talking about such an intimate thing with a man didn't sit right with him. Plus a doctor could ask unhelpful questions, ones that could ultimately lead him into legal trouble. But for both of their peace of minds he'd suck it up and go.

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Not to his surprise but undoubtedly she was pregnant, and told so. William was secretly elated but kept it hidden, relationships were messy and complicated, baby trapping was a more sure fire and easy way to lock someone down.

She handled the news differently, shock mixed with fear over having a child so young and so soon with a man she wasn't even dating. What her parents would think of her now, they believed when they left that she was just a whore, looking for some rich man to support her. Now she was a single mother, forced to rely on her boss' support while he was probably with many other women since they were never officially anything. She had been so stupid, not taking precautions to ensure this didn't happen, and now she was stuck since measures to ensure the pregnancy ended were illegal in Utah. It was her own damn fault, but she couldn't help it, at first it had been nothing more than repaying her debts, then it became an addiction, a drug she needed more of. She had never experienced anything so amazing in all her life, the feeling of being bent over his desk and railed until she was a shaking moaning mess is what she lived for. Each time she said it was the last until rent was due, but then he would just beckon her into his office and before she knew it she was straddling him, cock buried in her pussy while she rode him until he filled her with white. Self control was never her strong suit.

On the drive home William did his best not to bring up the subject too much, the poor girl was still in shock, thinking her life was most likely over. Raising a child was hard enough, but unmarried, without parental help, in a state like Utah, he did not envy her train of thought at the moment. But eventually what was to be done had to be brought up, neither of them could ignore reality for too long.

His first instinct was to be blunt and straight to the point, but in his experience being gentle and beating around the bush worked best with women. "How are you feeling?" He could cringe at the fake concern in his voice.

"Not good." She sighs, she hadn't stopped hugging her stomach since their appointment.

"Talk to me, tell me what you're thinking."

"I don't know what to do now William, I'm too young to be pregnant, we're not married, I have no one to help me, since you're not even obligated to."

"You're right, I'm not. I could fire you and kick you out of your apartment to make you disappear and forget that you and that baby exists."

She sniffles and wipes at her nose.

"But, you know me, right? Would I ever do that to you, my best girl?"

She smiles a little despite her tears, his pet name always making her feel comforted and like he knew best. "You wouldn't."

"Exactly. Now I know the kind of ridicule and looks you'll get for being pregnant without being married, people are judgmental assholes. It won't be easy, you'll have nasty things said about you when you start to show, people will degrade you in every way they can."

"I know, it'll be hell-"

"Well, it doesn't have to be." He offers, being intentionally vague to peak her interest.

"What do you mean?" She takes the bait.

"You don't have to be a single mother living off of checks."

"How do I do that?"

"I'm a firm believer of doing the right thing, and I believe the right thing is to marry you to uphold your honor and we can raise this child together."

"You would want to throw your life away, for me? You don't have to I would never forgive myself if I tied you down to a marriage you didn't want."

"I've been looking to settle down anyway, I'm not getting any younger and I want to have kids before I'm too old to enjoy them."

"You'd do that for me?"

He smiles, reaching over and squeezing her thigh. "Of course I would. We'll do it quick, so it doesn't seem suspicious, just you, me, and a couple witnesses."

Her smiles matches his. "I think I can do that."

================================================

The ceremony was short and sweet, their witnesses were Henry Emily, William's business partner, and her friend who was originally at the diner when the couple met.

The whole time William was in a hurry to get the proceedings done, glancing from his bride to her friend glaring daggers at him the whole time, subtly dropping hints that her friend shouldn't sign the marriage contract and be bound to him.

However his sweet bimbo of a wife signed her life away without a second thought. She had confided in him that she always dreamed of marriage and now she was getting it. She left out how in the marriage it was her dream to be married to a man that loved her, but he sensed that's what she craved. He didn't love her, he loved her body, and how tight every hole was. He loved how his dick throbbed when she wore anything low cut or too tight. It was never love, but who knows, it could turn into it one day.

There was to be no reception, just well wishes before the newlyweds whisked away to their hotel room. William convinced her she didn't need a honeymoon, not wanting to leave the business that long since he didn't trust leaving a thing to Henry's supervision.

He tolerated all the small talk and chatter, until finally he pulled on his wife's arm. "Alright darling, I think we should head out now."

She pauses, taking in his words. "Oh yes, just let me thank the minister before we go, he was so nice-" She hurries off, leaving William to look after her along with this rude friend of hers who had tried to keep them apart.

"So glad you could come." He offers with as much sarcasm as possible.

"You've ruined that poor girl." She states flatly.

"Have I? Marrying her so she's not ashamed of her condition, how is that ruining her."

"Her condition, is your fault. You could have prevented it if you wanted."

"Things happen, we move on." He shrugs.

"Mark my words Afton, you'll pay for what you've done to her." She pushes past him, exiting the chapel and taking her cloud of anger with her.

William shrugged it off, more important matters were to come.

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The part he had been looking forward to was the wedding night, a chance to truly take his time to have her where it wasn't rushed by fear of getting caught. He had a right to her, she was his. She belonged to him. His property.

Romance was not his thing, he unceremoniously discarded their clothing so he could get to what he had wanted all along.

Lips connected, giving way to passion as his strong arms held her down. He wanted her to know that he was now in control of every aspect of her being. He was her husband now, and would be respected as such.

Penetrating her was nothing new, but his boost in ego fueled his thrusts until she begged him to slow down, saying it was hurting her.

He refused.

Finally they both climaxed, despite her protests her pleasure won in the end, milking him for everything he had.

As they both lay in each others arms as now husband and wife, William couldn't help but grin in the darkness. The best was yet to come.

Tags

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@fandomreader @n3r0-1417

#william afton x reader #william afton x you #william afton x oc #william afton smut #william afton #steve raglan x oc #steve raglan x you #steve raglan x reader #steve raglan smut #steve raglan #fnaf movie #five nights at freddy's #five nights at freddys #fnaf

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lowkeyclueless5137 · 5 months

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Remember that Sonic AU with Idia and Ortho as main protagonists. Well uhh Please do the ‘Knuckles’ show equivalent in it please? 😀💧

WHEN I TELL U THAT I DID THINK ABT IT AFTER THE FIRST SONIC ASK-

Here's also the ask in question for ref.

Well imma leave you with a short intro, bcs there's so much to unpack. This thing was in my mind basement for a while :'3

We start off with a smol timeskip! :D

And during that timeskip, things do happen around: Mainly school activities. For Ortho, school was a bit more difficult when you and your buddies are known around as the supernatural powered dudes who fought the corrupted mad scientist and a fraction of the government. This made some things like sports events or extra activities to be more complicated than intended.

The most shocking thing tho was *gasp* Idia managed to pull a date?!?!

Our group was absolutely baffled when Idia revealed that he ended up hitting around dating 2 dudes: 1 silly library guy and one who owns a small restaurant in their little town. And they were decent people too!

The only problem was that, like most people who were not involved in the said adventure (either directly involved, related or witnesses) Azul and Malleus, Idia's boyfriends, don't know that the firehead was much more than just some silly alien guy. And Idia insisted at our first years group to keep it that way, because it was 1 talk that the latter found it pretty hard to address.

Now our new adventure starts by the end of the school year. There was the school prom! And being such a small town(almost a village if you will), the school prom was a pretty popular event around. Kinda a spice to the, otherwise boring, days around.

But before that, there was the academic scores settling. And everything. A lot of tests coming up and a lot of grades filling in. Ortho would say that he was a top student and he shouldn't fear when his grade situation gets mailed out, yet still, he was on literal edge for mail day, which Idia took it as odd. Doesn't help that Ortho inheritantly was super fast, thus he always grabbed the mail before his brother and went through it at lightning speed.

One day, Ortho comes back from school, to find that the mail came later today, while he was in class and it wasn't a skip day, and Idia took it before him. Of course, the dread was very real and the rest of the first years, who knew exactly what was up, tried to reassure their buddy that 'hey, we all got the same fate in there'.

Idia, naturally, wasn't that happy with a particular class Ortho had: Socials. While he had a nearly perfect score everywhere else, socials was a mediocre one, bearly passing. Idia couldn't complain about Literature or Arts, he knew those old ass teachers still were petty and poured their hate on the kids, still Ortho had pretty good grades at them. The socials was where Idia found it wierd. And naturally, he asks the group about it, when Sebek blurts out that all of them have the same grade.

Turns out that, since the incident, the school implemented an obligatory class: Socials. And for this, they got a teacher from a bigger city, who happens to also have a much more 'different' approach to things. Our group doubts any class in this school has an actual great grade at that particular class, so please, Idia, excuse them, maybe buy them consolatory ice-cream while at it? :'3

Idia does excuse them, but insists that, if socials are mandatory next year too, the group will try to do better in there. Now they only had a few school days left, so he couldn't really hope the grades will 'magically fix themselves'.

Hey, at least they are passing! :'D

Still, that day, Epel points out that Idia was much more fidgety, hence his very messy reaction to the grades. He was all over the place and, clearly, he was a few secs away from causing an earthquake. The latter just shows up his hand, which had an engagement ring on it.

Long story short, Malleus proposed today and, of course, Idia and Azul accepted with no 2nd thoughts. The librarian really was rushing into things whenever he saw green light apparently. :'3

So all summer, Idia was preparing mentally and physically for the marriage. For him, it was a more important task to see how he could break the news to his fiancés about the fact that he is literally the god of this planet. Ortho did try to reassure that the best case scenario: nobody has a heart attack or faints! What a good option! :D

By the end of the summer, the plans were made: an early autumn wedding, with the venue on a more retreated beach. Very little touches had to be done until the big day itself and Idia was getting restless as it approached.

Ortho really saw it as both a very beautiful thing and as a problem. On one hand, he liked Idia's fiancés and he would be very happy with the resulting marriage, especially if it made his big brother happy, but on the other hand, everything was moving very fast and, clearly, Idia had a harder time keeping the pace than Ortho. The rest of the first years are also trying to help Idia with his Woes, but it's pretty hard to calm him down. On more than one occasion, Idia was back to his big form, hid behind trees and mountains and simply processing the situation while our group talked to him, mostly to keep him grounded from making all kinds of imaginary scenarios and worrying himself more.

It was time tho, for Ortho's 2nd year of high-school. He was pretty excited about it, until he heard that socials were, yet again, a mandatory class. Doesn't help that Idia's wedding was in the first school weekend. The good part, Alex, Ace's big brother, was helping Idia when our group was at classes. (they became proper friends at the end of their adventure)

So with around 5 days until the big day, things were slowly looking out to be better. Things were settled, programs were fine and everything was coming together very nicely.

Except that things couldn't be very nice all the time.

Our lil group was out through town one evening, when they stumble across another alien, this one set on hunting the Shrouds. Of course, upon noticing Ortho, it escalated into a fight.

And now, this guy was freakishly agile. It didn't help that the red marks on his body, along the bright red hair, indicated that his origins were, definitely, from the same planet Idia and Ortho came from. Still, he reffers to Ortho as a 'threat' and thus has to handle it upon the rules of his homeland: by killing the boy.

Of course, things get much more clear when Crowley returns, saying that this is his new little ally. Thankfully, before shit can actually hit the fan, our group is saved by a misterious blonde guy, who can apparently shapeshift into any person.

That guy is Vil Schonenheit, upon his introduction. The other one was Riddle, an esteemed guard of temple of the core, from their home planet. He does make a short history of why Riddle was so set on killing Ortho.

Many years ago, a Shroud actually achieved a tie with their planet core, thus absolving immortality and immense power. The chaos emeralds were expelled to earth, while the said Shroud was locked in the temple of the core, as to prevent any wish of destroying their home. Riddle came from a line of guards who trained all their life to guarding the said temple. If anything went wrong, the guards were trained so that they could kill anything except a Shroud that was already tied to a core.

Vil also adds that he was not a guard, but an entertainer. He was, initially, given as a sacrifice by his, now deceased, mother, to please the 'diety', but he was spared, even so, the Shroud protected him from his prison, until he was old enough to venture back to his worried father. Thus he was forever indebted to that man. His wife was killed by the guards and he was unable to do anything but watch, believing that his children suffered the same fate too. So when Crowley came forth, his presence angered the Shroud. Crowley preached about 2 more of that kind here, on Earth. Riddle was chosen to accompany Crowley and get rid of the said threats, while Vil was told to go and stop this, to protect the Shroud's 2 sons.

Ortho is, rightfully, very shook by this revelation, but our group insist that already Idia tied in with Earth's core. Vil now is genuinely worried about this, because it's either Idia accepts to be locked away forever or he gets forcefully put to sleep by the guardians, once they find out what happened. Crowley didn't say anything about one of the brothers actually achieving this oh so feared form, so they didn't think too much on how deep this thing is.

For now, Riddle was on their trail, so as to not worry Idia, Ortho played the 'I'm having a sleepover at Ace so u could smooch with your fiancés before the wedding' card. It worked! Idia was too flustered to fully question why the sudden decision. :P

Alex is also very taken aback by this new trouble our group got into. Like being chased by the government wasn't enough, huh?! Still, he complies on trying to divert Idia's attention off this mess while the rest try to get Riddle to realise that Crowley is using him for the emeralds.

Cue a lot of running around. Riddle was 1 relentless mf. :'3

But, on their now daily chases, our group gets in mingling with the secret services. Again. :'D

Long story short, they caused a lot of trouble. Crowley was still on the loose, with his new little puppet being a force to reckon with. So the course of action taken by the said secret services was to take Idia in custody until Riddle gets wind of it and walks right into the trap.

It was a horrible plan, really. Especially with the upcoming wedding. :'3

We get introduced to Jade and Floyd, 2 secret service agents in the new branch of 'dealing with alien threats'. They actually prove to be a thorn in Riddle's sides, especially Floyd who is relentlessly taunting the redhead, thus allowing for Riddle to be distracted mid altercation.

And oh, is Riddle fuming! He became so enraged that the second he spots even the tiniest hair of Floyd, he goes tunnel vision and hunts that guy for the life of him. This put breaks in Crowley's plans enough so our group could actually devise a proper plan. The wedding was actually tomorrow and they were running out of time. Idia had to find out one way or another. Preferably after the wedding itself, ya know. :'3

But, first, the wedding! It was a very pretty location, still warm due to the early autumn, and it was small, pretty retreated.

Except that crow man cannot help but bust that shit too. Imagine Riddle's surprise when he sees 2 Shrouds, one who shows the signs of his bind to the planet's core.

BUT! Before anyone could do anything against it, it turns out a good chunk of the guests and the catering team were secret government agents. Azul also was one, pretty obvious after he pulled a mf gun on Riddle.

Turns out Azul was dispatched on a discreet operation of supervising Idia, which he really wasn't supposed to end up marrying him. So there's that. :P

Everything is messed up and so overwhelming that Idia actually snaps under the pressure and shows the full extent of his power: a gigantic being of magma and fire, raising walls and waves to separate people from each other.

Poor Malleus, he's the only guy who literally has no idea what is happening. Please, let him get married in peace. :'3

Naturally, Riddle's approach is to confront Crowley about lying to him, that none of the 2 is actually tied to the planet's core. This complicates things. Idia cannot be killed, because if he dies, so will the planet slowly, due to how young Idia was. Crowley was aware of this effect and still pushed the redhead to hunt the Shrouds.

Truth was, Crowley still wanted the chaos emeralds. And Idia, along with our group, had them. By having Riddle hunt them, Crowley was sure he could back them up and get the emeralds one by one.

Cue Idia losing his shit at that revelation. Like, it's a lot to take in today. His wedding was crashed, Crowley is back, apparently more aliens from his original birthplace came here, his father is alive, Ortho was hunted, and one of his almost husband was a secret agent, initially tasked with supervising him.

Cue grabbing crow man and chucking him through the ocean. Like if he dies, Idia doesn't fricking care. He's done and over and now he's staying criss-crossed, sulking as a petty kid, except that he's basically an all powerful diety of this earth. :'3

Still, Ortho tries to reach out to him, with the help of the rest of the group, Ortho manages to climb on Idia's shoulder and try to talk to him, firstly apologising for hiding the whole hunting thing from him. Idia accepts the apology, adding that he was worried sick when this whole thing got to light. Then Ortho urges to forgive Azul too, because he genuinely seems to love him and Malleus. And the 2 most likely are trying to see how to approach this whole thing. Idia is a bit hesitant, but he does allow Ortho to hug his cheek, before putting him gently down and grabbing Azul with Malleus. After they had a short talk, it was pretty obvious the small 2 kisses on the cheek and Idia seemed pretty happy as he finally rested back to his human form.

The wedding is still on tho! Except that most of the fancy dressing is torn or dirty from the fight around. :v

Idia gets properly introduced to Vil and Riddle. Being in an actual good mood, Idia does forgive Riddle, mostly since Crowley did manipulate him into this shit. The redhead does insist that if word goes back to the council of guardians, Idia will have to be locked away. That's how they kept his father too, in fear of destroying their planet. Buuuuuttttt if Riddle and Vil were here to, let's say, take care of this, then technically they could report that Idia was 'settled down' and it was safe. :3

The nice part, Vil and Riddle did settle in with new thing in their little town. Riddle as a teacher, while Vil as a theatre manager(upon promotions) so it was pretty chill and not anymore fear of other aliens possibly coming down to hunt the Shroud brothers.

The not so nice part: our group is still almost failing at socials :'3

A thing tho, was that our bros did ask Vil and Riddle if it's possible to see their father. The 2 said that for Ortho, it could be easier, but for Idia, due to still being fresh, him leaving the planet now, even for a bit, it could result in natural disasters left and right. Their best shot is having the father coming here, but that was, upon their words, impossible to achieve with the current guardian situation. Being tied to the core for much longer, Mr Shroud could leave it to be independent for a while, but, again, the guardians won't allow such thing.

So for now, they have no option but to leave it as that. U-Ub

#twisted wonderland #asks :3 #sonic au #Damn... It is long :'3 #But I think it's nice... I had to include that wedding scene somehow :'3

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foggyparadisecandy · 8 months

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On Love and Loving

Talking with a friend about what love is and how to show it.

For some of you, this might be a silly thing to consider. But for a lot of people (like me), we didn’t grow up with healthy role models for love. And really … love is complicated and hard to pin down.

Most people figure out what works for them. And, yes, it’s easy and common to love more than one person at a time. Different people meet different needs in your life and so your love will often vary by individual.

ELEMENTS OF LOVE

My own love style veers to codependency (I’m working on it) so I’m aware I’m no foolproof expert. Regardless, here are some basics about what feeling love can involve:

Compassion

Affection

Caring

Intimacy

Trust

Commitment

Vulnerability

Attraction

Respect

Need

Passion

Admiration

Desire

Concern

Empathy

There are many different ways to love another person and you won’t necessarily feel or display all of the components listed above.

I think the easiest type of love that people can fall into is passionate love. Where you are completely into the other person. This happens early stage in many relationships when you vibe with someone and really love getting to know them.

As things get a bit more deeper, and you have weathered a few dull moments and possibly a few rough moments, love can grow deeper, and more substantial bonds can form and you can feel the power of deep compassion and care for the other’s well-being.

If you can really see another person, flaws and all, and still accept them, care for them, and want to be with them, substantial attachment can grow.

SHOWING LOVE

And when it comes to displaying love, there are so many ways to do so. People have different love languages so it’s good to determine what your partner(s) respond to.

Here are a few ways to demonstrate love (far far from complete):

sharing plans for the future

being vulnerable

forgiving

being empathetic

supporting their journey to be their best self

admitting faults

looking out for the other person

prioritizing them

showing care

showing affection

sharing yourself

listening

acknowledging their worth

Plus so many more ways, small and large, that show you love them.

IMPACT OF LOVE

Love has many positive benefits for both parties.

It can create better mental and physical health, it can create resiliency, it can make life richer and deeper, it can lower your stress and anxiety, and it can make you more loving. Love breeds love.

Of course, it can turn ugly and foster jealousy, depression, anger, resentments, obsession, possessiveness, anxiety, and sadness.

Love can be complicated and messy. Relationships can be complicated and messy. Sometimes we can find someone we love and things don’t work out.

We can also find someone we love and still find they don’t meet all of our needs in life. Or possibly they do initially but … things change. Needs change. People change. Shit happens. And you might find you fall in love with two people.

That also can be confusing and messy. Ain’t love great?

So yeah … there you go … a basic Love 101.

Usually for most of us, we know love when we know it.

ATTACHMENT STYLE BASICS

I’ve always been lucky in love. I honestly think my Anxious Attachment style helps with that because I’ve always been quick to care and slow to let go. I forgive people and I empathize with them. I have been guilty of people pleasing and keeping my needs quiet (working on it) which is not only unhealthy to suppress my own needs but also builds quiet resentments and cheapens bonds.

But … I’m learning.

Some people are naturally (due to upbringing- don’t blame or shame or hate on yourself!) Avoidant and find it hard to be in a relationship, although they too want love. It makes it difficult to establish deep love when you feel trapped by another person and want to get away.

The answer to both of these styles’ weaknesses is: communication. Honest expression of vulnerability to allow the other person to understand where your head is. “Hey, I’m nervous you are pulling away. Can you comfort me?” “Hey, I’m feeling really skittish. Can I have some alone time? I love you but I just need to have solo time, ok?”

Of course, some lucky bastards (about 50% of us) grew up in healthy households and are Secure in love. I honestly can’t even imagine but I am jealous lol.

Not sure who read all this. If you want to know more about attachment styles, let me know. I’m happy to ramble on about those too.

LOVE DOESN’T HAVE TO HURT

Ahhhhh … love doesn’t have to hurt.

That is a hard lesson for some of us. Our subconscious learned a lesson early on and it will fuck with you and fuck with you and fuck with you and sabotage loving relationships.

Hey … if that happens to you, if you find you do that often … don’t get angry with yourself, ok? Don’t start hating on yourself. <3

It’s been programmed into you from when you were young. Be kind to yourself. Be compassionate. And work to identify when it happens and catch it.

Find a friend to act as a sounding board if you aren’t sure “is this a bad relationship or am I self-sabotaging?” It might sound silly but no … it’s really not.

And in the end, if you really want to heal a lot of internal struggles? Re-read everything above (from the top down) and say “what if *I* was my own partner in love? Do I do these things and treat myself these ways?”

If you don’t, why not start today? What’s stopping you? You deserve love. We all do.

Ok, that’s all for now. I love you.

#On topic #self love #self care #love

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insecateur · 1 year

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okay now that it's no longer french friday i can say this,

i'm genuinely really happy people like the comic— it's doing numbers i didn't expect on twitter (nothing huge but i'm used to my more silly drawings doing this well haha) and i've had a few people tell me it resonated with them personally which is what makes me glad most of all

i don't remember whether i talked about this on tumblr or not tho i do know i mentioned it on twitter at least once, but back when the game came out, i was recovering from a very fraught situation which i won't get into details about. it had been a couple years already and i had not made as much progress as i thought i had at the time, to be honest. it seems silly when you consider that i'm talking about a pokémon game of all things, but when sycamore called me after beating team flare and we met up so he could apologize for his role in everything that had happened, it struck a chord in me in a way that i definitely wasn't ready for (especially in this context)

it's funny bc i do very much ship them and i do think it's easy to read them as having been in a more intimate relationship, but at the time, there was something really powerful to me about seeing this kind of... complicated, messy relationship that had been soiled by one of the involved party misleading the other (however much you believe sycamore was misled) that was not presented outwardly as romantic. betrayal is a subject that, in fiction, especially between adults i feel, usually involves a "closer" relationship than friendship. it's usually lovers, or family, or the kind of bond that blurs the line between family and friendship. but here, at that time when i needed this, professor augustine sycamore told me, "he was my friend and so this is my fault as well" and i was like, NO IT ISN'T!

and so... i don't think pokémon xy healed me from whatever wound i carried from all of that. but being able to see that, and think to myself, no this wasn't his fault, but i understand why he'd think this way, and i understand how that feels, i think did somehow help me toward at least beginning to make peace with it. and i think it was why i was so mad for a long time at the people who were treating it like a joke, and the people who were blaming him, too.

i don't regret how i acted during my own situation as much as i did back then, and i'm glad i gave up on trying to fix it. yet there's definitely something my brain craves when i'm thinking about augustine sycamore never giving up on trying to fix it, finally facing everything head on, for ever staying true to himself as he persists in his quest to make things better... to be kinder both to himself past and present and to others...

i'm glad i'm alive right now and that i managed to keep believing in others (i'm not very good at believing in myself yet but it's getting there) reconciling with being known and knowing other people... i think it'll always be worth it in the end... that's what i'd like to communicate when i write about them working together to become better people and make the world better as well...

uhhhhhh. and also i'm gay i guess 🧍‍♂️

#samtxt #it's the constant refrain of – is this my fault? is this your fault?#and i do think i really began to move on when i told myself it didn't matter #and obviously my own way of dealing with it and my own situation are mine and have nothing to do with anyone else's #and when you really think about it i don't think it was my fault #but the point is more that... it doesn't matter bc there's no answer that will fix it or change what happened #you know ???#anyway. i'm putting this under a cut bc it's long and embarrassing #but thank you if you read it and even if you don't thank you if you enjoyed the comic👍#and if you enjoy my shenanigans around them in general. i appreciate it #and if this is/was meaningful to you i'm extra grateful !!!

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please-picturemeintheweeds · 5 months

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Is Bejeweled a break up song? or a bragging song? or something else?

I think bejeweled is a lot of things. To me, it is a self-empowerment song, in all its messy glory, and learning how to stand up for yourself. Stepping into your own power is way more complicated than #girlpower, so while I think overall it does really capture the experience of reclaiming power/self esteem, it also grapples with how to express that power/autonomy (and anger over the disempowerment - being put in the basement). She is valuable, she owns it, she can choose the path her life takes, and she is choosing to go out and feel good about herself!!! Hell yeah!! Which is not to say that it doesn’t come without implications/consequences/context in the relationship. It reminds me a lot of vigilante shit: ladies always rise above ladies know what people want someone sweet and kind and fun the lady simply had enough!!! There’s a moment where something snaps.

I think it is a song that plays in your mind when you are arguing with someone who wronged you, in the shower, alone. There’s a lot of anger at herself in it, not just at the other person. How could I have let them make me feel this way? I gave them the tools to hurt me as a fucking present!! But then the first time she says she polishes up… there’s a pause, and she says it sort of defeatedly… “nice.” I had all these great points to make about how much you hurt me but when it comes down to it, I’m just… nice, and I let it slide. Which is Immediately followed by the second verse’s pouty and weirdly kinky!!! “baby love, I think I’ve been too good of a girl” and then like a slap across the face “it’s time to teach some lessons! I made you my world (uh) have you heard (uh) I can reclaim the land!!!!” Which is where it turns full empowerment mode, to me. I AM MY OWN WHOLE WORLD! It’s over the top, it’s exaggerated, it’s pop star glitz, it’s camp!

Swifties joke around that bejeweled is a threat, and I want to validate that reading!! The sass!! She’s saying; because of how you’ve made me feel, by the way, I could “forget” I am in a committed long term relationship, and cross some lines, too. She’s not being ~nice~ here with how she talks to the other person. This song captures the ways that power can go to our heads a bit. Like realizing that you’ve been taken advantage of because of how nice you were being really fucks with how you see the spectrum of nice -> mean (or at least, this is what always happens to me!). Her words are condescending, a tad humiliating, dismissive, and tbh a little belittling! And I appreciate so so so much that Taylor is unafraid to be honest in her work. It’s not always a flattering self portrait (because non of us actually have moral purity). Who among us has not ever thought that way about someone who has hurt us? Where is the line of honesty and cruelty when someone has hurt you? That tension is extremely relatable and human. But starting off with the descriptions of how she’s been hurt, walked all over, put in the basement, she put them first and wasn’t even in their top five, definitely justifies all that anger and resentment. We see where she’s coming from, and ultimately, I support women’s wrongs lol like I love that she’s super sassy here. It goes hard and is so fun! It’s music! I just also think it’s an important element of how she approaches the “I’m hot and fuck you for hurting me” pop banger- it’s authentic and directly chews on where self worth actually comes from/where we seek it.

So, to your question, I don’t think it’s exactly a break up song, though it describes a feeling that could absolutely precede a break up. I don’t think it’s exactly a “bragging song” though it portrays a genuine self confidence. It’s an emotionally intimate study of resentment showing up in a relationship where you feel your kindness/understanding/care has not been reciprocated. To use the greatest phrase ever uttered, it is, indeed, “saucy toxic dramatic tragic” and also extremely silly.

#Asks #c #bejeweled #relationships #I’m tagging this joever bc I think the themes here will feel very relevant in a few days but not necessarily bc it’s About YB #Joever #I think it probably was born from a Moment but poured out of a whole variety of experiences that made her feel Like This #Self worth

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tutuandscoot · 1 year

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I’m late but I just wanna say that I love the terrifying athlete quote. I think it might be one of my fave things he’s ever said. And the first time I came across it, I read it out of context and didn’t know when or where he said it so when I got to that part of the rodcast I was like 😲 because I didn’t know that he had actually said it in front of Tessa and her reaction to hearing him say that about her is so 🥺

Thank you anon I’m now balling my eyes out 😩

Um yeh that fkd me up BIG TIME.

So let’s just re-establish something:

They think THE MOTHER EFFING WORLD OF EACH OTHER!!

There are too many instances to name of them praising/ complementing each other, from small/silly things like when asked if Scott is more of a dare devil when it comes to trying new foods (than Tessa) he responds with “less intelligent” as to say T is smarter than him, to saying if he could be any other skater in the world in a hypothetical video game but fuck it that’s not important he would want to be Tessa.

I can’t even begin to imagine what him saying that to her means to her. She never felt she was the standard of athlete that Scott was- his love for it, the raw, animalistic drive for training- she was so injured for so long and felt she was a fraud… then Scott goes and calls her ‘super human’ and a ‘terrifying athlete’ to her face. Think about that. She was (somewhat) intimidated by him their whole career, intimidated but also endlessly inspired by, forced her to work harder and in their own messy/complicated/unorthodox way, in love with this guy who trained like an animal and she knows would do anything to succeed. At the same time as driven as he was, he was NEVER going to leave her behind, and he never felt he was or would have to leave her behind because in his mind.. SHE was the intimidating one. Everything she had to go through with injuries, then in their final competitive season, to be legitimately

T E R R I F I E D

By her.

In reliving those moments in their lives together he pulled out the key to the deepest insecurities she had about herself in their partnership and blew it up. Made it non existent. Now no, their insecurities will never disappear completely- I’m sure she will always live with guilt over how her injuries affected them and their career at the time. The point is he knows that. And he knows how to pull out those key triggers and do everything in his power to discard of them. (And she does the exact same for him).

It’s such a tricky thing to try and understand; how they trust and believe eachother with their whole living souls, yet still on some tiny level not be able to fully let go of what they perceive as weaknesses in respect to eachother.

What freaking kills me about them is how they tell each other to their faces how much they fucking love each other, and not by (only) saying “I love you” but by enlightening each other that in spite of their deepest insecurities, the other could not possibly love them anymore than they do. It’s quite frankly bumfuzzling that they have THAT MUCH love for each other. Thinking about Scott saying that to Tessa through a computer screen and imagining her feelings hearing that, quite honestly I don’t know how she restrained herself from attempting to reach through the screen to hug him. That’s the kind of love they have; that they see each other for who they are and love them for nothing else but that. A love comprised of appreciation and care and empathy. A love that is 1000% reciprocal.

And sorry to bring it up but all those Instances in the old days of people saying Scott is a walking love letter and the freaking heart eyes they gave each other.. this is what that was.. he didn’t say these things because he was an unfiltered talking bouquet of red roses and chocolates, but because he actually believed it and knew what saying those things to her meant to her- it gave her confidence and was a constant reminder that she could always ALWAYS trust him because he saw all of her (again this is the same her to him).

Also, the lack of freaking ego they have about themselves, and not letting each other have an ego, despite the fact they think each other are so wonderful and the best there has ever been they would be forgiven for having an ego. I’ve never seen an instance of a partnership where there is not an ounce of self righteousness in either partner except for TS. (This is not to be confused for immaturity or competitiveness-as Scott would say he was a bit ‘hyped up’ in his teens). As great as they both are respectively and they know their own strengths and weaknesses, the only thing that matters is declaring for the whole world and each other to know how wonderful they are. And ego is what I was getting at above with how those insecurities still exist deep down in them despite the other declaring them non-existent.. they don’t say these things to and about each other as an ego boost but because they legitimately believe it. Then and now and forever they believe it. Even in the tough parts of their career that never would’ve wavered because (I think) their unwavering admiration of each other is what held them together and will continue to hold them together forever: “life goes on but so does our partnership.. we will ALWAYS be partners”- Tessa..

I’m getting off topic bc I could honesty rant forever about this.

There’s this great post that talks more broadly about this that I’ve probably ended up repeating here.

The basis of it (the above linked post) is the level of being known and seen they have of each other. Understanding each other on such a deep level to understand the root and nuances of their insecurities, and being able to.. not on an ego boosting level.. make the other understand that those insecurities don’t make them weak or make the other love them any less..

I’m going around in circles at this point so I’ll stop there.

I swear if T doesn’t write a freaking thesis on this whole lab experiment of what a perfect partnership is I’ll eat my hat. I need this analysed by the one half of the brain who lived and created it. What if anything is this psych degree for?? (That was a joke)

#ask #terrifying athlete

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paigelouisehart · 2 years

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I'm back!

It has been months, literal months, since I have sat down at my computer with the sole intention of writing a blog post. Life, as it so often does, got completely on top of me and the free time (and more importantly, the mental power) I had to sit and write very quickly dwindled into nothingness. But I am back, with eager fingers, a lot to update you on and a plan for regular posts in the new year!

So what have I been up to?

Well, although I haven’t been writing much here, I have been writing a lot elsewhere and am absolutely thrilled to announce that my third poetry book “Pain & Perseverance” will be available on the 25th November 2022. I am so, so excited for this book to be out in the world as it feels like I’ve been working on it for such a long time. Split into three sections; Pain, Perseverance, and Prospect - it features poems that cover love, loss, grief, friendship and hope. It is a real love story to my own messy mind and complicated relationship with emotions and asking for help. If you would like to purchase a copy, the link will be available here on release date, or follow me on Instagram to receive updates.

Secondly - my third year of study with the Open University has begun and I am officially knee deep in set books that need to be read, essays that need to be written and a big dollop of procrastination that needs to be pushed aside and ignored!

This year is all about English literature and studying books set by the University - something that I have very mixed feelings about. On the one hand, it’s no secret that I love reading, and this is a sure fire way to bump my Goodreads total read books up and to expand my literary knowledge, but on the other hand - I’ve never been a fan of being told what to read. I am a firm believer of “if you’re not enjoying a book, put it down. Life is too short to read books you don’t enjoy when there are plenty of others to choose from”, but when you’ve got a 2000 word essay to write that relies on you having read the book - that option no longer exists. I’m confident that there will be a good number of books that I read as part of my studies that I will enjoy, but so far - we’re not off to a good start! (Thank goodness for my huge TBR pile to give me something I do want to read in between them!)

And finally, I have been focusing really hard on doing things for myself that bring me joy. After a pretty rough couple of months, my mental health took a battering and I knew that something had to change. Since I’ve got my brain back into a good place, I’ve been making a real conscious effort to do things that make me happy but that have no other purpose other than that. This has meant more bubble baths, more fun eye makeup and less smothering face make-up, reigniting my love for Pokemon games and creating art that is for me, rather than to be gifted or monetised, and most importantly, creating art that isn’t necessarily “good” but is just enough to get my creativity flowing again. And as you can see from this photo - some silly Halloween photo shoots!

That’s all for now - I’ve got a bar of chocolate and a film waiting for me so I’ll end it here. But I’ve got a whole list of bits and bobs to upload before the end of the year, so keep an eye on my social media for updates!

Thanks for reading - it’s good to be back!

#writing #lifesyle #self publishing

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anghraine · 2 years

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I'm rereading "Pride and Prejudice" for the first time in years, and there's something I don't quite understand. After Darcy's first proposal and their argument, why does Elizabeth cry for half an hour? I used to think it was because subconsciously, she was already in love with Darcy, but now I don't think that's the case. Is it just the sheer overwhelm of shock, rage, and stress?

Hi! Thanks for the ask (and for tagging me in some other P&P posts—I've been busy but enjoyed seeing them).

In fandom, Elizabeth is often reduced to her feisty, self-possessed, "awesome lady" side, someone who has no time for anyone's shit and is unruffled by it. But in the book, I feel that Elizabeth is less of a feisty icon and more recognizable as a realistic person—sometimes a cool and impressive person, but nevertheless, very human.

Her rejection of the first proposal gets uncritically represented as a moment of pure glory for her. But it did not feel like that to Elizabeth. She was shocked, insulted, a bit flattered, angry on her own behalf and angrier on Jane's and Wickham's, etc—a messy muddle of emotion that seems to have been painful to experience rather than governed by pure and clear righteousness. So, basically I agree with your suggestion in the ask, though it's possible that more is going on, also, when you consider her earlier response to Mr Collins's proposal.

IMO, Darcy's proposal is fundamentally different from Mr Collins's for her, because she does not perceive it as silly. It's very bad, but not in a way that she can shrug off as absurd or whimsical, and this lends it emotional power.

Mr Collins can say awful things and refuse to take no for an answer and it's unpleasant and irritating, but it's not something she takes seriously. Fans and academics talk sometimes about her courage in refusing Mr Collins's proposal, but I don't think it did take much courage, really, because she just doesn't care enough about the situation to need to draw on her courage to dismiss it.

Darcy's first proposal, although not as offensive in itself (insofar as we can be sure of what he said at all), is much more troubling for her. So I don't think it's just that she was insulted and had to deal with a lot of interpersonal anger and drama (which happened with Mr Collins's but left far less emotional impact). I agree she is not in love with Darcy at all at this point, and crucially, does not have respect for his moral character or basic temperament. I think she does, however, feel a sort of intellectual respect that leads her to take him seriously as a figure. I think that's why she's partly flattered, for instance, where she wasn't with Mr Collins—not only because of Darcy's consequence, but because he's the sort of person whose attention and favor does feel flattering, even when she still believes he's a terrible person.

I think Elizabeth's post-rejection distress is coming from basically the same place as the sense of flattery. Because at heart, she takes Darcy quite seriously as a person (however amused she may be at his occasional specific situation or propensity), his behavior towards her carries a weight that most other people's doesn't. Even when she's wrong about it, or likely to be wrong about it, her sense of how he's acting towards her leaves this unusually strong impact on her that doesn't seem quite proportionate to even the extraordinary situations she's often in.

So while it's understandable that she'd be upset by the Hunsford scene, I personally think one of the reasons she is so upset is because of this complicated dynamic she has with Darcy that isn't love, liking, or much positive feeling at all at this point in the book, but where she is in general very sensitive and reactive to most of what he says and does. We see this engagement/responsiveness at Pemberley, too, before he even arrives in person— "her spirits were in a high flutter," "she longed to hear more," "Mrs Reynolds could interest her on no other point [than Darcy]" etc.

Tl;dr—my personal reading is that it's a mixture of the interaction being an upsetting one on its own merits, because Elizabeth is human and a fairly sensitive person in some contexts, with the complication of the generally intense and responsive dynamic between Elizabeth and Darcy, in which neither is really capable of simply dismissing what the other says and does, even when believing them to be factually or morally wrong.

(Sorry if this is rambling and unclear, I'm quite tired atm!)

#'elizabeth is not at all in love with darcy but is also very much affected by darcy' is my niche!#it does seem that fandom tends to veer really far to elizabeth being a) actually in love or b) actually indifferent #and i can't see either!#princesssarisa #respuestas #austen blogging #austen fanwank #anghraine's meta #elizabeth bennet #fitzwilliam darcy #pride and prejudice #jane austen #long post #otp of otps

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mc-lukanette · 3 years

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[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5]

—————

Luka took a breath as he hit the last emotion-filled note on his guitar. His body vibrated just as his strings did, though he realized soon enough that there weren't enough high notes to lift him from feeling so low.

Marinette was Ladybug. He was still absorbing it, even though a part of him insisted that it should've been obvious; not just because there could only be one girl in Paris who was so brave, kindhearted, and suited for the job, but... well—

There was also only one girl in Paris who could be so unlucky. Luka was upset - angry, really - at all the things he couldn't have known that just proved to put more pressure on her. People idolized and adored Ladybug, but he never once thought that he wanted to be her. She didn't get anything from being a superhero outside of wasted time and the guilt of having to lie to everyone. He'd felt bad enough keeping Viperion a secret from his family, and he was only a temporary hero.

He sighed, setting his guitar down and raking his fingers through his hair. Marinette being Ladybug would've been enough of a shock on its own, but Adrien being Chat Noir made everything both worse and more complicated. In the midst of all the realizations he'd been having at the time, he felt lucky that he was able to get Ladybug - Marinette - to believe that his mind had just drifted for a moment. She'd still looked worried, but there was nothing he could've told her at the time, his mind too scrambled to be certain what the right steps were.

He'd always imagined that past snakes had learned of other's identities before as well, and thus had wondered before what he'd do if such a thing ever happened. Chat wasn't the one "in charge," so Luka wasn't worried about him (at least not in terms of talking about identities), but Ladybug was a different story.

Previously, he would've said that he'd tell her without hesitation, but the problem was that she was Marinette and the way he found out made things messy. If he told her that he knew, she'd blame herself and demand to know what happened for him to know so she could try to "fix" it, except there was nothing to fix and a conversation about his abilities would inevitably lead to talking about Adrien being Chat Noir.

In essence, he was at a roadblock. There was probably no "right" solution either, as he figured Sass might tell him; that even seemed to be the message Sass wordlessly sent him as Ladybug took his miraculous back. He’d probably known, and maybe had intentionally given him the power to see red strings on heroes in the first place. He didn’t know for sure because he couldn’t ask, aware that it would make Ladybug even more suspicious after he’d already tried to assure her.

What he did know was that Chat was something else to think about now. Chat was tied to her, and he knew - everyone knew, really - that there was drama going on in their relationship. He'd done only a little digging and Face to Face was all the evidence he'd needed, as if seeing the two interact in person wasn't already enough.

There was a pressure there, for Ladybug and Chat Noir to be a couple. Chat Noir was a habitual flirt, and most people ate up any drama or “juicy details” about their relationship. Everyone went wild for the hand kisses that Chat gave Ladybug, whether or not she pulled away from it. Add on the red string of fate, and it just made everything worse, making him wonder what the ties meant; did Adrien's string being tied around his ring mean that he became the cat through fate, specifically so—

It made Luka feel gross just thinking about it, and knowing what he knew made it even worse; people were shipping his friend with someone she wasn't interested in, even if it was "one side" specifically that she wasn't interested in.

He shook his head, feeling vaguely possessive. It wasn't about Marinette being his friend; it was about her deserving better than something deciding her fate for her.

He was brought out of his thoughts by a familiar jingle, pulling out his phone to see a message from Marinette.

Are we still on for tonight?

FOR THE FIRE I MEAN.

I just don't want you to get in trouble! You're sure???

He chuckled, his shoulders easing at Marinette's usual enthusiasm. It was adorable that she was worried about him and not what they were planning to do.

He typed back immediately, I'm sure, Marinette. Don't worry.

He glanced at the drawer under his bed, where all the Adrien pictures were. He imagined Adrien's face plastered all over Paris, flashing back and forth between Adrien himself and Chat Noir.

He felt like he shouldn’t be shocked by the revelation, though he wouldn't be able to quite explain why.

—————

Luka looked over his work once more, checking to make sure the fire would start properly. It'd been a while, but he at least hadn't gotten rusty and even got a congratulatory pat on the back from his mother when she'd seen him carrying the supplies. Had she known that it was Marinette's decision to do this, she would've married them on the spot herself.

As he eyed the box of Adrien pictures set out, he had to bury another slew of thoughts. He knew it was right to try and get rid of Marinette's string, but and he felt guilty knowing that he’d be satisfied at seeing the pictures burn for reasons outside of Marinette.

Speaking of whom, he looked up as he heard a familiar set of footsteps to see Marinette herself heading towards the Liberty, having just made her way down the stairs. She was dressed fairly lightly for nighttime, but wore a fluffy pink shawl around her shoulders to make up for it. Considering what they were doing, it made sense that she wasn't concerned about the cold.

The gangplank had already been put up for her, so she walked across with a smile that warmed him more than the eventual fire would. "Hey."

He smiled back, plopping down comfortably on the seat behind him. "Hey."

She gripped her shawl closer to herself as she glanced at the setup for the fire, the moonlight briefly shining off of her earrings. Luka attempted to avert his gaze from them, but only ended up staring at the red string around her neck. He gave up looking at her entirely at that point, checking the setup again as if it was extremely important to do so.

"You can sit anywhere," he offered, gesturing vaguely to all of the mismatched seats he'd placed around the future fire. He'd wanted to make sure she'd have options, though he hoped the designer side of her didn't mind the chaos of it all. He'd just grabbed whatever spare seating they'd had.

Marinette's eyes scanned over the various choices. Giggling, she replied, "Thank you."

He nodded in acknowledgment. He wasn't in any hurry to get the pictures burned, even if burning them was their goal that day. He'd intentionally had her go slowly so as to test the red string as little as possible, and he planned on doing the same here.

"I brought one for you too," she suddenly said off to his side.

He looked over in curiosity and noticed her open purse, a large piece of blue fabric nearly bursting out of it. It took a bit of effort from her - he imagined that she'd wanted it to be a surprise - but she managed to pull it out, presenting him with a shawl that matched hers exactly outside of its color. He smiled in appreciation of her thoughtfulness, then reached for it before realizing with a start, "Wait. Marinette, did you make these?"

Before she could answer, he took the shawl in his hands, turning it every possible way. Without a doubt, it was her handiwork, and along the back was where the design broke with a Marinette.

"Yeah," she confirmed, and he could practically hear her shy blush. "It's just—you're doing this for me, but even if you weren't, I don't want you to get cold, so..."

"It's great," he cut in firmly, leaving no room for doubt on her end. "Soft. Comfortable. I wish I was better with fashion to say more."

"No, you said more than enough," she assured, taking a seat next to him. That fact looked both silly and intimate given the multiple other seats she could've chosen instead, but he tried not to think about it.

Instead, he gave a curious glance at her pink shawl, silently comparing it to the one she'd given him. "...You didn't have to make it blue," he commented, and clarified before she could think anything bad, "I would've happily worn your colors."

She gave him a look, though didn't seem weirded out by the idea. "But... it's pink."

"What's wrong with pink?" he asked, genuinely confused. "It's your color."

She blushed, her shoulders hunching forward shyly. He didn't even bother taking back what he said, because he meant it; he might've favored blue when he picked out an outfit, but pink made him think of her.

It was much better than red at the very least.

Marinette pursed her lips in response, idly tugging at her shawl and seeming to be in an internal debate with herself. Apparently making a decision, she closed her eyes and breathed up, letting out a soft, "Okay."

He blinked and gave a tilt of his head to show his confusion. "Okay?"

She turned to him, resolutely pulling the fabric off of her shoulders. "T-then you can wear mine?"

He couldn't get another word out, too distracted by Marinette leaning towards him and carefully settling the shawl around his shoulders. Despite the bold move, she couldn't keep eye contact with him, awkwardly hanging onto the front of the shawl as she stared at his lap. She wasn't exactly warm or exuded any particular body heat - in fact, he was sure that her hands would be cold if he held them - but there was a comfort there that couldn't be matched by anyone else.

It took him a moment to make a move, at which point he remembered the fabric underneath his fingers. In a motion equally as careful as hers, he raised the blue shawl and settled it around her shoulders. She finally met his gaze, surprised, but smiled gratefully and released her grip on the pink shawl.

"You can keep it," she said quietly, with less shyness than before.

"Really?" he asked, placing a hand on the fabric to make sure it was what she meant.

She nodded, gripping her own as she replied, "A-as long as I can keep this one in exchange?"

He snorted, even covering his mouth to stifle a chuckle. "You made them, Marinette. Of course you can." He gave an obvious glance at the shawl to admire it. "I'd be happy to match with you."

She beamed at him. "Me too."

That topic officially concluded, his mind went blank for anything more and both of their gazes drifted to the unlit fire. He didn't have to look to know that she was shifting in anxiety in her seat, either wanting to back out or just get it over with.

"Are you ready?" he asked experimentally.

"Yes," she responded, perhaps a little stiffly but the resolve was there. She wanted this.

Luka stood briefly, and within the next few moments, the fire had been lit. The flames started out faint at first, then grew until it was something respectable, easily illuminating the small area around them. The slight chill from the wind dissipated as the fire warmed their skin, Luka hearing Marinette sigh in content harmony with him.

Neither of them took their shawls off despite the increased warmth.

The additional light from the fire made the box of pictures more obvious, with it sitting on a table not too far away. Luka took a step towards it, but Marinette was faster, grabbing up the box and turning to him with a determined expression.

"I have to do it," she insisted.

He didn't exactly disagree - this wasn't his battle - but it didn't stop him from looking nervously at the red string, the dangling part of it laying across her hand and dipping itself in the box, taunting him.

"How many do you want to do at a time?" He was careful in his wording, not wanting his tone to imply anything.

She furrowed her brows, staring down at the box in deep thought. Her fingers flexed against the cardboard, a small gust of wind blowing by and causing the fire behind her to whip around in protest.

"...All of them," she muttered, then met his gaze cautiously. "Will that be okay?"

Luka glanced at the fire, but it wasn't that he was worried about. The string would try to fight her, he was sure of it, and the only thing he wasn't sure of was if it would be better or not to let her go with her wishes. He half expected the string to physically drag her off the Liberty, and the mere thought caused his neck to sting.

But, he also believed in her. She was fighting fate herself without having used the snake even once, and he wasn't going to deny her if she thought this was best.

"Yeah," he assured. "Just don't get too close. I don't want you to get hurt."

She nodded, obviously not catching onto what he really meant.

Luka sat down on his chair, toying with the rips in his pants to keep his hands occupied as he watched her. Her posture was straight and confident as she faced the flames, despite the shake in her hands, and he was sure the fire in her eyes wasn't just a reflection.

He didn't see Ladybug in her place. There was only Marinette and everything that he already knew about her. Knowing what he did now wasn't surprising, but heartbreaking, and he couldn't be prouder of her for doing what she was trying to do.

To go against what everyone - even fate itself - expected of her. He couldn't relate on her level, but looking as he did and having the mother he did, he understood.

Finally, Marinette stepped forward, and the string was already tightening around her neck. She froze, shutting her eyes and clutching the box tighter as she mentally fought the sensation.

He barely managed to keep himself still.

She swallowed, taking another step and managing to open her eyes again. She squinted at the fire, either from the light or from her own resolve.

Then, all at once, she thrust the box forward, the pictures flying out and mingling with the flames. The fire flared up in response, practically roaring, and the string tightened further in protest. Marinette even let out a cry as she tossed the box aside.

Luka barely had time to react when she suddenly rushed towards him. He outstretched his arms and she filled up his lap, her heart seeking him out as she clutched his jacket. He wrapped his arms around her, hoping his comfort came through without words.

Her breathing was ragged, and he couldn't tell whether it was from the string or her emotions running high. He brought one of his hands higher up on her back, knowing that he could do nothing more for her but wishing he could.

He took solace in the fact that the worst of it was over.

Staring over her head, he watched as the pictures burned, blond turning black as the flames singed the pictures and reduced them to ashes. Marinette, meanwhile, remained against him, desperately clutching his fabric for wordless support. He honestly would've been okay being the only spectator to what she'd done, but she then shifted in his lap to glance behind her.

They watched the sight together, the fire whipping about with the wind like it was making sure the job was done as they'd wanted. In no time at all, there was no evidence of the pictures left outside of what was allowing the fire to burn brighter.

Marinette let out sigh of relief, collapsing against him again and nuzzling his chest. "What's wrong with me...?"

"Nothing," he replied, clutching her tighter. "You were amazing."

She looked up at him, possibly searching his expression to ensure he meant it, then offered a tired smile. She shifted again, but this time without any urgency or need. Luka sucked in a breath as she nestled her head against his shoulder, making herself comfortable on his lap while still being in a position where they could watch the fire together. Slowly, he relaxed, and they ended up not needing those other chairs after all, neither moving from their comfortable positions.

And, maybe it was just him, but the string seemed looser around her neck than it ever had before.

#au: Dread String of Fate #Dread String of Fate: writing #Flower Arrangement Shipping #Pro LukaMari #Lukanette

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beckyblah · 3 years

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Hey.. uh.. can you tell me like.. the lore of the dreamsmp? Like characters, personalities and other stuff? All I understood was dream and tommyinit getting into a pissy fit about music disks

Ohhhh man there is SO MUCH. I started to write it all out, but honestly? It's way, wayyyy too much to talk about here. I'd say the best bet is to look up lore videos on youtube or to read the dream smp wiki. But the gist of the story (and even this short summary is very biased) is that Dream SMP is split into 4 seasons currently. Season 1 focused on L'manburg's war for independence from Dream and its politics as a burgeoning nation. Season 2 had a split focus on L'manburg politics, the discovery of a mind-controlling giant Egg, and Dream's spiral into an unhealthy obsession with attachments and Tommy. Season 3 had LOTS of different plotlines: finishing up the Egg plotline, Dream's imprisonment and the power he still held bc he could revive people, the development of a new nation called Las Nevadas, and many more. Season 4 has just started and began with Dream's escape from prison! Hope that helped even a little.

As far as the discs, well, they're mostly a metaphor for friendship, safety, and attachment. They're not important for what they are so much as what they represent for each character. For Tommy, they're a physical manifestation of trust and safety. When they're safe - either with his friends or with himself - then he is safe. For Dream, the discs represent control and power. When Dream owns the discs, he has power over Tommy and the people Tommy loves. In short, while it seems silly, the discs are really just a metaphor.

And while the "focus" is often on Tommy and Dream, that's only because they spend a lot of the time writing and fleshing out their stories and characters, as well as having been telling the story the longest. There's PLENTY of other things going on - way, way too many to talk about here. Sam is the quickly-spiralling warden to Dream's prison. Wilbur is Tommy's brother-turned-ghost-turned-adversary. Tubbo is a child president turned husband and father with a nuclear arsenal. Quackity is a ambitious but hurt man who will do anything to keep himself safe. Technoblade is an anarchist whose commitment to his ideals often creates and exacerbates conflict. And that's not even scratching the surface.

What really makes this show cool is that it's not really a show at all. It's a lot closer to a freeform mix of improv table-top roleplay like DND and machinema shows like Red vs Blue. It's messy, complicated, and imperfect... which is why I love it so much!

#dream smp #ask #not art

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palmett-hoes · 4 years

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We Need To Talk About Kevin

excuse the silly title, but it’s time for another long character analysis, this time on a character who holds a complicated place in the fandom consciousness: kevin

like every other character in aftg, i have a lot of criticisms for the way that the fandom tends to characterize kevin, because i feel like it tends to reduce a very complicated character down into very binary terms, that of either anal-retentive comic relief or a perfect, underappreciated innocent, both of which ignore his important flaws and the nuance of his character arc throughout the trilogy

now this meta is probably going to sound very, very critical of kevin, as i am focusing on his flaws. but i want to be clear that i don’t hate kevin, i don’t even dislike him. in fact i far prefer the deeply “problematic” kevin from canon to the highly sanitized version in the fandom, just like i prefer my andrew violent and unethical, my neil rude and messy, and my upperclassmen ableist and permissibly homophobic

one thing i really LOVE about aftg is how hypocritical every character is, because it’s honest. they all stand for something but fall a little flat of it in practice. they all hold the people around them to standards they don’t hold themselves to

they’re not simple characters. they reflect their trauma in ways that are not pretty or harmless, and they even reflect wider societal flaws that may not be logical or justifiable.

just like i do.

just like you do.

just like real people do.

---

so with that all squared away: kevin

let’s start with this: what is the essence of kevin’s character? what does he stand for? what is he about? when you simplify him out into a single idea, what is he?

answers will vary, but for me, kevin is an analysis of the idea that you can have everything, you can be rich and famous and talented and immensely lucky on top of it all, and you can still be abused

neil repeats this idea over and over. how he’s jealous of kevin. how he resents kevin. how he wishes he were kevin. because kevin had everything and neil had nothing

remember this?

and this?

kevin the star. kevin the sensation. kevin the media darling.

lucky kevin, talented kevin, beloved kevin

and then neil gets a little bit closer and learns that that’s not the whole story. kevin was isolated, his worth tied to his performance, his whole personhood tied to exy. the perfect boy who was forbidden from being too perfect, who had to walk on eggshells so as not to incur the wrath of his brother and guardian

but at the same time that doesn’t totally erase everything he did have

i think the fandom focuses a lot on kevin’s inferiority complex from being assigned second best, and not nearly as much on the idea that kevin was SECOND BEST, above everyone else

the fact that kevin had power and sway in the nest makes us deeply uncomfortable, because it complicates kevin’s status as a victim, but it’s the truth. kevin was the third most powerful person in the nest, above dozens of ravens, and not even an owned person like jean

we should attempt to reckon with the fact that kevin was not a passive player in the ravens’ power structure, but someone who was actively involved and benefited from it. the ravens were his pawns, too. his subordinates, there to critique and punish as he saw fit. they weren’t his equals and he didn’t have to view them as fellow people

even if you choose not to believe that kevin took advantage of this power in the way riko did, you still have to accept that it very much shaped his perception and way of connecting with others, which is obvious in how he interacts with the foxes

so let’s talk about kevin and his superiority complex

kevin is arrogant, self-centered, and entitled

it’s not all he is. he has other, better qualities. he’s dedicated, passionate, and - in his own way - caring. that doesn’t ERASE his flaws however

kevin believes himself to be correct 100% of the time. he thinks that his methods and his opinions should work for everyone simply because they work for him, and he tries heavily to push them onto other people. andrew remarks that neil will drive himself crazy trying to do things the way kevin tells him to, because he is simply a different kind of player than kevin. kevin’s methodology will never work for neil no matter how hard he tries and will just end up holding himself back if he keeps trying

andrew notices this, not kevin, because kevin believes that neil is simply not trying hard enough to do things the “right” way.

neil.

who tries harder than anyone to live up to kevin’s standards

he’s worse with the rest of the foxes, who unlike neil do not accept his methods unquestionably and don’t do backflips to make him happy.

the foxes recognize that kevin is talented and could have valuable things to teach them. kevin however thinks that he should have absolute authority over their training because his methods are “superior.” he thinks the foxes fail because they don’t listen to him and conform their playing styles to him

kevin also only approaches the upperclassmen on the court, and even there only with criticism and derision. he has never made any attempt to befriend them or get to know them in any way. he doesn’t need a rapport with them, he’s entitled to their obedience simply because he’s Kevin Day, The Son of Exy, The Best And Most Talented Of Them All

i’ve also written meta before about the assumptions kevin makes in his relationship with andrew. they have a deal that kevin will give andrew something to live for after he graduates. kevin, being who he is, decides that this thing MUST and WILL be exy, no matter how directly or indirectly andrew tells him this isn’t what he wants.

yet kevin never considers an alternative. he never asks andrew what he might want or never attempts to find anything else for him. they spend nearly every second of every day within arms reach of each other, yet kevin has never taken a moment to pay attention to andrew’s interests or preferences, anything that makes him tick. they know almost nothing personal about each other because kevin doesn’t believe any of that matters in giving andrew a future that makes him want to live. no. if it works for kevin it must work for everyone else. if kevin wants it everyone else must want it too

kevin’s relationships often become exclusionary. first with andrew, which i’ve just discussed. then with neil, kevin continually vies for more and more of his time, without regard for his health or concern for any other part of his life. he leaves neil with minimal time for school, pushes their practices late into the night depriving him of sleep, and discourages his efforts to spend time and make connections with the upperclassmen

now if at any point while reading this you, reader, wanted to argue that these things are because of the nest and kevin’s raven indoctrination, yes, you’re absolutely right, they are. it’s abundantly clear where and how each of these qualities developed, but once again, that doesn’t mean they’re not present. in fact, the clear connection between kevin’s flaws and his trauma is a sign of good character writing, showing the multiple dimensions of how our environments and experiences shape us

kevin’s anxiety, his obsessiveness, and his fear all come from the nest, but so does his condescension, his self-involvement, and his overbearing nature.

kevin was raised in a cult, but he was also from the very highest level of it. he comes from immense privilege in terms of his wealth, his influence, his fame, and his access to resources. materially, kevin has wanted for very little in his life, and his entitlement is very prominent in his character. none of this cancels out the abuse he suffered, but it’s also something i very rarely see addressed outside of being hinted at vaguely in a jokingly dismissive manner.

in fact, i often see takes on kevin that fully deny he has these traits at all, and that annoys me. i don’t like to see these wonderfully round characters flattened out, and there’s a particular irritating irony out of changing or misinterpreting a character’s personality in order to make them more palatable or more sympathetic in a series about how even people traumatized in unsympathetic ways are still deserving of help and decency

kevin can be a little morally gray,, as a treat

#aftg #tfc #kevin day #kandreil #kevaaron #txt #meta #character analysis #my posts #cw cult #cw abuse mention

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mittensmorgul · 3 years

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do we know why the boys were not allowed to have facial hair on the show? i feel like it was more in character than to assume sam and dean had to time to just always be clean shaven in the middle of apocalypses, being demons or possessed, fighting gods ect. on the flip side, im still confused as to how cas grew facial hair in purgatory when i didnt think that was something that happened to angel vessels?

Hi there! There's actually quite a bit going on in this question (I think this is my way of saying sorry it's taken me a few days to get to it :'D)

I'll start by saying I don't think it was a matter of "not allowed" to have facial hair, but it's actually more complicated than that. Not to mention Dean especially was almost never what I'd call "clean shaven" outside of when they were beginning a hunt and posing as FBI.

There's a video I think on the s1 dvd's called something like "a day in the life of Jared and Jensen". Wait... I found it on the youtube...

youtube

It's only about 10 minutes long, and if you haven't seen it, it's worth watching all of it. It was shot during the filming of 1.20 Dead Man's Blood, so they hadn't even been at this a full year yet. About 2 1/2 minutes in, they go through hair and makeup, and talk about shaving.

Back in s1, Sam had to be more clean shaven to look younger, and Dean had to have a bit of scruff just to look a bit older. So at first it was to visually make their ages more obvious. But it's also about continuity on camera. Remember, each episode of supernatural was filmed over eight weekdays (with a couple days for weekends in the middle). Episodes are NOT filmed in scene order. It would make it almost impossible to show normal, chronological beard growth over the span of two weeks of filming, you know?

If they film scene 38 first, then scene 12, then scene 19, then scene 2 over the course of four days, their facial hair has to remain believably consistent, not grow and shrink :'D So having a designated easily duplicatable facial hair style (and hair cut, because head hair can grow noticeably in two weeks, too, especially when it's as short as Jensen's on the sides/back) makes visual continuity actually possible. Especially when they're filming entire EPISODES out of airing order.

Think about Jensen's beard in the AU bunker battle scene in the beginning of 15.04. That was the first episode filmed of s15, and those were the first SHOTS filmed of s15 before Jensen shaved off his hiatus beard for the rest of the season. Those scenes were probably filmed in a single day, two at most, before he had to resume "standard Dean." Also think about Demon Dean's slightly longer hair that went back to normal, or Sam's beard from the first three episodes of s14 before he shaved in 14.04. Those times the longer hair/facial hair was used to show a lack of self-care for various reasons.

I think Cas's Purgatory beard was used to show the same. He was doing "penance" in his own mind, but I do think it was also the seeds of his entire depression arc that would run right through 15.18 and then never get an actual resolution (sorry, I had to at least grumble about that a little bit...). I remember Jensen saying when he asked why Dean was clean-shaven in Purgatory and Cas wasn't, he was told by someone that "Dean has knives," and would actually continue shaving for some reason, while Cas wouldn't even bother using his grace/powers to maintain his appearance there.

I don't believe the show has ever made any sort of statement about angel vessels NOT growing hair/facial hair. Plus by this point in the series, we really do have to consider that Cas's body, not as much his vessel anymore. Jimmy was long gone, and the last at least two times Cas had been resurrected, that body was also remade for him. We're at least two degrees of remove from that being a normal vessel, so even if angel vessels aren't "supposed to" grow hair or change their appearance, Cas would have an exception asterisk attached. :'D

The thing is, we HAVE seen other angels change the appearance of their vessels. I mean... Lucifer, for one, especially in s13. He grew scruff, looked messy, etc. And it was explained to be a result of having been imprisoned and his grace seriously depleted to the point he couldn't even perform small magical tasks for himself.

So why did Cas grow scruff in Purgatory? Because television is a visual storytelling medium. If you had a friend in real life who usually looked like Cas normally does, and then saw him after months and saw the guy Dean found in Purgatory, what would your immediate thoughts be about how that friend had been doing lately? Did similar thoughts about how Cas's last few months in Purgatory alone, running from Leviathans, staying alive primarily to keep the Leviathans focused on HIM instead of on Dean?

I think the phrase "run ragged" applies to Cas's Purgatory look. Sometimes facial scruff combined with smudged on dirt is the fastest visual shorthand for "yikes this guy has had it rough lately." Hence his "get clean" scene in 8.07 restoring him entirely to "normal," including clean-shaven and a decent haircut somehow. I think he'd been entirely able to have given himself that look in Purgatory, but he just never bothered to. For whatever reason, Dean did bother. And that was part of the visual narrative telling us that Dean still cared, and that Cas (outside of his mission of keeping the leviathan away from Dean) didn't.

Like, even when Cas was human in early s9, when he was on the run and homeless, even when he was given opportunity to shave his scruff (at the beginning of the episode while brushing his teeth, and at the end after showering at the bunker and before being kicked out) he still retained the scruff. The next time we saw him in 9.06, when he was settling into his "new human life" as a sales associate, even though we understand he's still technically homeless, he's actually maintaining his appearance, demonstrated by his care for himself and the fact he bothered to shave. For him, it was a visual signifier of his growing to accept himself.

To go way back up to that video above, in the makeup trailer are dozens of photos of different looks for each of them. Yes, some are purely silly, but even as shown in 6.15 The French Mistake (the "I'm a painted whore!" scene) are a few similar continuity photos. Every day of filming, every change to makeup and hair (including FX makeup showing wounds, bruises, etc.) has to be documented for the sake of continuity. Or you'd have an episode with alternating scenes of them having longer/shorter/longer facial hair over the course of what's supposed to be a single day on screen. The easiest way to maintain that continuity is character consistency, only having a drastically different look occasionally, for a specific reason.

So why couldn't they have chosen to go with a beard for an entire season? It's just as easy to maintain beard consistency day to day on set as it is to just have them shave to scruff, right? Crowley did that... he was clean-shaven the first few seasons he was on the show, and then grew the beard, so why not Sam and Dean?

As I said above, the visual language of the show actually means something. These aren't real people who might casually decide to grow facial hair for fashion reasons. They're fictional characters being used to tell a specific story. Their appearance and their clothing choices are visual shorthand to give us information about their current mental state, their internal priorities, etc. It's all part of the story, and in this story, Sam and Dean generally care enough to maintain their chosen physical appearance. They only seem to grow beards when they're either being run ragged or otherwise lack the ability to care for themselves, whether by choice or by circumstance.

I think it's less "they were not allowed to grow beards" and more "this would not be in character in the visual language of the show."

#visual storytelling #spn fashion hour pffft #heck what else do i even tag this? lol #on the nature of angel grace #i guess since there's literally nothing in canon that says angels can't grow facial hair or that they don't #just that in most circumstances they actually bother to maintain the appearance of their vessels

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alittlebitgoofy · 3 years

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if i had my way i would be yours - chapter six (taywhora)

here we are, the final chapter. it's time these girls get their feelings together, it's weird having finished this fic I devoted a lot of time, planning and energy to but all things come to an end, I've got another big taywhora fic in the works so enjoy!!

thanks to @goodemornting for betaing :)) ao3 link

A’whora felt a weight atop her as she awoke.

It was warm, an arm wrapped around her waist comfortably tight. Her tired brain tried to piece together the prior night as she melted under the warmth. Her brain felt like mush, the pleasure of being under another person keeping her too busy to think too hard about it.

But she hadn’t talked to any girls last night, she’d mostly spent time with Tayce. Sure, they’d gotten a bit drunk, but surely she would remember chatting someone up and getting them in her bed.

Wait. Getting drunk with tayce. Her roommate Tayce... Oh.

Shit. Oh god. Well, It wasn’t as if she didn’t want to—

But it was so soon. She was Tayce’s first experience with a woman. She’d offered to, gleeful at the opportunity while cautious about not wanting to take advantage of her. She didn’t take advantage of her, they were two consenting adult roommates who happened to hook up. It came back to her quickly, now. How Tayce had kissed her. The way Tayce had cuddled up to her after, a warm mix of giddy and tired. Maybe this wasn’t so bad? She’d only be able to tell when Tayce woke up. A’whora finally glanced at her phone to check the time. 9 A.M. The fatigue in her body reminded her she had only gotten to sleep around 3, letting Tayce’s soft breathing lull her back to sleep. She’d deal with all this after a little more rest. It wouldn’t hurt to enjoy it for just a bit longer. Tayce’s reaction was a lot less calm. She felt someone’s presence next to her as she stirred awake, failing to remember a thing before she opened her eyes to see A’whora with her arms wrapped around her waist. It was warm, almost suffocatingly so. The realisation that any movement would likely wake the blonde up dawned on her. Either Tayce would carefully wriggle out of her arms and risk waking her up or stew in the position and wait until A’whora woke up. Either way, they’d have to address this, and she didn’t know if she was ready to. Part of her was freaking out, how could they have gotten into this position? Would she regret it? This was her best friend, who she spent the better parts of all her days with. Tayce knew that if A’whora went cold on her again, she wouldn’t be able to cope for long.

But A’whora was next to her, asleep but still cuddled up with her. She would probably just make a dirty comment and shrug it off, right?. Though her mind screamed in what could happen the other half of her senses melted into the embrace of her companion. Her mind couldn’t help but stop racing while being engulfed in her companion’s embrace. A’whora had shown so much affection the previous night it was hard not to. “Tayce?” A’whora’s eyes cracked open blearily, tilting her head in tired confusion. A dopey smile grew on her face as she noticed the position they were in. She looked beyond silly like that, but it still made Tayce’s heart skip a beat. “Morning to you, too.”

Tayce shook her head at the laugh A’whora let out. She was clearly aware of everything that had happened, just plainly unaffected by it. Tayce envied the ease she took this with, her brain and heart conflicting with every action she made. “We fucked, huh?” “Yeah, we did,” Tayce spluttered at the forwardness, feeling her cheeks heat up. Of course A’whora would have no problem talking about the sex she’d had with her roommate the night prior. The blonde didn’t seem phased by her reaction, pulling her arms tighter around her body and bringing herself into Tayce’s side. “You’re warm.” Her words were followed by a content sigh, A’whora looking blissful as Tayce returned the affection, her arms looping around the smaller woman to pull her in tight as she could. “You’re such a softie.” Tayce tried to sound jokingly insulting, but any power to her words fizzled out as soon as she felt A’whora’s head on her chest. She melted into speaking loving words, holding the girl that caused her so much heartache like nothing had happened, as if it was second nature. They stayed locked together, the outside world not a concern in the embrace of one another. Though Tayce eventually shifted, her stomach roared with a ferocity that sent A’whora spiralling into a fit of hiccuping laughter. “Do you want beans on toast?” A’whora settled down enough to speak, a smirk still playing at her lips at the interruption of their moment.

“Depends how you make them.” “Like you taught me. The ketchup, the cheese, the salt and the pepper and the butter.” The blonde laughed; Tayce was so specific about how she made her beans on toast. There was a method to it, she’d taught it to A’whora the instant they moved in together and made her come to love the breakfast almost as much as she did. “You’ve learnt well.” Tayce patted her on the back like a proud parent, before sliding herself out of the bed to follow A’whora into their kitchen. She missed the warmth of it. But the idea of food was more than enough to coax her out. --- There was something heart-warmingly domestic about making your roommate breakfast, the meaning changed dramatically with whatever was going on between her and Tayce, but A’whora tried to keep her thoughts up.Tayce was still around, she hadn’t freaked out and ran so it could be worse.

Tayce was too busy entrapped in her thoughts to spare the blonde much more than a sideways glance. Her thoughts were buzzing even as she was trying to silence them. It was a mix of things, fear for whatever this could mean or couldn’t mean but also comfort, she’d been with someone she trusted with her life and she’d not made it awkward. A’whora’s affectionate side was a welcomed addition, the way she’d cuddled up to Tayce left her feeling lighter than ever. The way her eyes crinkled as she laughed at whatever dumb comment Tayce has made was euphoric.

God damn, she was in deep.

She somehow managed to look attractive, sat there with her hair messy in one of Tayce's baggy shirts she’d flung to attempt to cover herself, preoccupied with shoving beans in her mouth after she’d served them both breakfast. Tayce tried to focus on eating her own, though her eyes never quite left the blonde. Something about her was magnetic. She couldn’t help but look at her and feel her heart squeeze with how much she adored her.

“You just gonna stare at me or are you gonna eat? Your food is getting cold!” A’whora pouted slightly at the lack of attention Tayce was giving her food. God, Tayce wanted to kiss that pout off her.

“Hmm? You should be taking it as a compliment, I never normally put someone above my beans.” “Wow, she thinks I'm better than beans on toast. How romantic.” A’whora scoffed, she knew that it was some kind of warped compliment, something Tayce didn’t want to actually say but imply through something humorous to shelter the realisation of the true meanings of her words. Though she did get it, Tayce held her highly, over most people even. It made her hopeful, maybe they stood a chance if she cared that deeply? They ate with a few more quips, the atmosphere too easy for what they’d done the night prior. A’whora was thankful for the lack of awkwardness though her roommate was the other end of the spectrum. She had far too many thoughts and had to spill them to someone, maybe it would be good to give Bimini a call?

God, this was a lot to deal with.

---

“Bim? I need help, asap.” Tayce rushed out as her friend answered the phone, more than ready to spill everything to someone. She felt like A’whora, unable to keep any secrets without telling at least one person. Oh god, A’whora was going to tell someone. “You two didn’t get into a fight again, did you?” Bimini asked cautiously, not ready to deal with that trainwreck again. At least Tayce was more likely to admit her own fault but trying to reason with her would take too much energy. “No! The, uh, opposite actually.” The hesitation in her voice was way too obvious, the vulnerability threw Tayce through a loop. At least she knew Bimini wouldn’t bring it up to anyone. “You two fucked? Finally.” Bimini laughed down the line, it felt like inevitably they’d hook up especially after Tayce came out. The way they looked at each other? Nothing platonic about that, in Bimini’s humble opinion “Yeah, what the fuck do I do?” Tayce sighed, putting her phone to the side as she put her head in her hands. Why was this so complicated? All these feelings, it was so much to deal with. “Have you two talked about it? How’s she acting?” “She’s been pretty good, nothing odd, I guess. We haven’t talked about it really, just acknowledged it happened and then she made breakfast.” “Wait, she made you breakfast?” Bimini paused, Tayce could hear the cogs whirring in their brain. Tayce narrowed her eyes, trying and failing to figure out what she meant.

“Does that... mean something?” She hesitated. Surely it couldn’t be that important. Making breakfast for someone wasn’t that deep. “She’s showing you how much she loves you!” “It’s not that deep, I was just hungry,” Tayce laughed, the idea was absolutely ludicrous. She’d just acted on Tayce’s stomach growling, like any sane human being would.

“It’s A’whora, her love language is gifts and acts of service, y’know. She adores you and does things for you to show it, you know she does.” Bimini followed up, knowing Tayce was silently admitting defeat when she didn’t answer. As much as she didn’t believe it, it made sense. She’d offered to buy food when she messed up, often doing things if Tayce was tired. She’d always chalked it up to A’whora being a bit dramatic, but it made a little too much sense to just be a coincidence anymore. “God, what… what the fuck do I even do in this situation?” Tayce sighed, groaning at the amount of things this could all mean and how she should approach it. Who could even make sense of these things? It was a nightmare. “I’d say talk to her but you avoided that last time.” “I can’t just tell her, what if it makes things awkward?” Tayce spoke softly, unsure of what could happen and too afraid to take a huge step. All she wanted was A’whora but she couldn’t risk losing her after what had happened last time.

Bimini paused, hearing Tayce so hesitant was strange.

“This is why it took you 22 years to consider you were into women, isn’t it? You’re useless with girls.” Asttina chimed in, jumping out of nowhere to surprise both Tayce and Bimini. “Asttina! She’s going through a lot to cut her some slack.” “She needs to hear the truth, you need to talk to her or this is just going to become more of a mess.” Asttina sighed, Tayce didn’t want to admit she was right but she knew. They’d talked it out last time and it went smoothly, A’whora wouldn’t just turn cold on her if they were having a discussion. Her shoulders slumped in a small bit of relief, hoping that it wouldn’t be so scary, perhaps.

She could end up with the person that she wanted, the one no one could ever compare to.

Maybe that was worth the risk? “Alright, you have a point. I’ll talk to her. What’s the worst that could happen? We’ve already fucked, there’s not more to it.” --- A’whora knew something was up with Tayce.

She was too in her head about anything to do with feelings, especially in the wake of her recent realisations and just attempting to converse with A’whora. The way they had acted last night would set her right off. She needed a second opinion, though she suspected Tayce was calling Bimini or Asttina out of panic again. The duty thus fell to Ellie, she knew how to keep her friend's mouth shut.

“Hey bitch, what’s up?” “I fucked Tayce.” A’whora got straight to the point. Ellie spluttered a laugh, her cackles crackling through the phone speaker.

“You two shagged? Fucking finally, we’ve all been waiting.” A’whora huffed, unimpressed by the reminder of the constant jabs about sexual tension between her and her roommate. It wasn’t like she was unaware of everything, but it was mostly her profound ability to repress her feelings and Tayce being so affectionate, at least she thought it was before all of this. “Yes, but you can’t tell anyone,” She paused, “Especially not Lawrence.” “Why not? She’ll hear about it anyway, God knows you can’t keep secrets for shit.” Ellie huffed back. The pair of them were horrible at keeping things from people, Ellie almost always ended up spilling things to Lawrence when she had the chance. “Not the point, how did this happen?”

“We were tipsy and everyone else had partnered off, you were too busy making out with Lawrence, and Bim and Asttina were uncomfortably close to going at it. We went home and things escalated and she... ended up in my bed naked.”

“Do you make a habit of hooking up with your friends?” “No, only the tall ones. Which is exactly why you won’t tell Lawrence. She doesn’t need to know about what we did that time—“

“No one needs to know.” Ellie interrupted, desperately trying to steer the conversation away.She knew bringing it up would be the best way to buy Ellie’s silence. They’d never told anyone about that night and planned to keep it that way, alcohol did a lot to a person and almost shagging your friend is one of them.

“Anyway, she’s a bit.. off now, I guess. Not bad or anything but she just seemed to be processing everything very slowly. How do you deal with that?” A’whora questioned, exasperated. Tayce was always a bit of an enigma, it made navigating everything needlessly difficult but she didn’t blame her. It was a lot to deal with realising your own sexuality and coming to terms with it, she had every reason to be shaken at anything happening between them. “You deal with it by not crushing on the most emotionally unavailable person you know.” A’whora wanted to get defensive— Tayce wasn’t emotionally unavailable, she was just.. complex. She wasn’t one to be super outward with things, she liked to keep to herself when something was bothering her and not make a big deal of it. Though it served no help to the current predicament, only to show how whipped she was for Tayce.

“No, you torture your friends seeing you pine for years when it’s clear that you both love each other.” “I know you mean me and Loz but that’s you and Tayce, hen.” Ellie laughed, anyone with eyes could see they were a little closer than most friends. It was cute at first but neither of them acted on anything and one of them not realising her feelings until recently made it painful to watch. “She’s not in love with me!” The blonde huffed, “I would’ve known by now if she was.”

“She’s in love with you you’re just too dumb to see it.” Even Ellie saw it, the way Tayce looked and acted around A’whora was way more loving and tender than she’d ever been with any of her friends. It was like she was the only person to exist, everything in the world that Tayce loved rolled into one person.

It would have been cute if it wasn’t so painful to watch her not realise her own feelings. “Like you were with Lawrence?” “Yes but I have a girlfriend, now go get your welsh hound.”

---

“Aurora?” Tayce poked her head round the door to her room, visibly nervous.

Oh god. Real name, Tayce looked awkward, shit was about to hit the fan.

“Come in, what’s bothering you.” Tayce settled next to the blonde on her bed, her nerves were clear as day from her body language. The way her eyes darted to anything other than A’whora, her finger restlessly tapping her leg. She looked uncomfortable, though there was a determination pushing her though it. The way she sat up so straight like she had something to do, no matter how much it ate her up inside.

“Nothing. I mean, it’s not bothering me, I just want to talk.”There was the usual denial, Tayce knew it wouldn’t fool A’whora, it rarely did and she couldn’t fake it at the minute, not with everything on her mind “I know what you mean but saying it like that is very unnerving” A’whora laughed nervously, she wasn’t the anxious one but the way Tayce was acting made her hesitate. “It’s okay, I'm not going to kill you.” Tayce eased the tension with a joke, delighting in how A’whora smiled at the joke, wide enough for her dimples to show. “Alright come on talk to me then.” “I think i’m in love with you” Tayce blurted, mouth moving too fast for her mind to catch up.

Oh.

That was. Sudden, Tayce felt frozen, A’whora’s eyes trained on her. What did she do? No lead up, just said it. It wasn’t that hard but she shouldn’t have said it. The shock was written all over her face, it made Tayces stomach twist, a sinking feeling engulfing her as the worst case scenario seemed to come to life.

“You’re in love with me?” A’whora echoed, her voice soft with some emotion Tayce couldn’t catch on to, something meant to be comforting, hopefully.

She couldn’t reply, any words caught in her throat, fizzled out by the time she opened her mouth. What was she meant to say? She just said the scariest words she could’ve ever thought of saying. Her heart ached for her best friend in a way she never considered possible until a few weeks ago.

“Tayce…” A’whora trailed off, Tayce’s stomach churning more by the second.

She couldn’t make eye contact fearing what she might see on her face. She felt movement, A’whora coming closer to her. Was she trying to console her? Then she felt her face gently lifted up to meet A’whora’s eyes. Something shifted in her expression as she saw Tayce’s meekness, soft smile lighting up her features in a way that made Tayce’s heart flutter. She didn’t hold back, pulling her into a passionate kiss.

Tayce regained herself, kissing back as she felt A’whora melt into her. She felt more confident, taking the lead, her hand running through the blonde hair as her roommate moved closer, taking place in her lap.

They broke apart, a goofy grin growing on A’whora’s face as she stared at Tayce, eyes shining in wonder.

“I’ve been in love with you for years.” she murmured, feeling euphoric after the progression of events. Tayce cocked her head in puzzlement.

“Years?” “Years. How could I not? You’re gorgeous and the most positive energy I've ever met. Nothing is ever boring with you, there’s always something going on or that you can make interesting. There’s something magnetic about you, I can't leave you alone. We clicked so well, no one ever got me as well as you did and I think about how lucky I am we even became friends, Tayce.” “You’re such a hound.” Tayce laughed, visibly taken aback. She didn’t know how to react, that was a lot to process all at once but it made her feel on top of the world. The euphoria rushed through her, a grin growing larger on her face by the minute.

“Is that your way of saying you love me?” A’whora knew what she was trying to communicate, her face saying it all, she looked happier than she’d ever seen, apart from the time she’d bought her a personalised tin of baked beans, that was one of the few times Tayce had cried in front of her.

“It is, you’re a hound but you’re my hound.” The brunette wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her into her lap to cuddle into her back. “Oh? Your hound? Sounds decent, I'll take it.” The wamrht in A’whora’s tone contrasted from her words, turning around to pull Tayce into another kiss. She knew this was going to be complicated, nothing was ever easy between the two of them but with enough communication it would work, they cared too much about each other to not try. Maybe this whole mess had been worth it, cuddled in Tayce’s arms like nothing else mattered, just the two of them against the world like it always had been.

#taywhora #rpdr fanfiction #if i had my way i would be yours

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ichayalovesyou · 3 years

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Why Does God Need A Starship? (Live Reaction):

I always thought Sybok was cool and interesting and NOW I’m sure! You know it’s times like these that I’m grateful I kinda came back into the Star Trek fandom on my own, because I don’t have to deal with Opinions of older/louder Trekkies. This one kinda has a lukewarm reputation but I’m getting the vibe that I’ll genuinely enjoy it.

Yet again Bones is serving up some LOOKS damn! Look at these elder gays! Spock has rocket boots, amazing. “Because it’s there” and then falling off the goddamn mountain is such a James Tiberius Kirk thing to do 😂 “HI BONES!” These guys omfg. OH MY GOD SO WE DO SEE CAITIANS OUTSIDE THE CARTOONS?? Hell yeah! Also pole dancing to no music, is... weird. Lmao. Also okay I’m sorry Sybok is cool! Sybok is cool and interesting and I really like him! (Not morally obviously dude is shady as all fuck, but a cool dude nontheless!) Always fascinated by Cult Leader type villains, especially when they point out valid criticisms about the society from which they came (important distinction is that the CAUSE is not vilified, but the person and their means, something M****l has largely forgotten)

Awww I may ship Hikura, but Uhura & Scotty are also cute as hell!! Awwwwwww!!!! Old married couples can be so freaking cute. Chekov & Sulu are LOST ohhhh my god this is hilarious, these two idiots. Also can we talk about how Koenig’s eyebrows are slowly gaining sentience and Takei aged like fine wine? Lol. THE HOLY TRINITY OF ELDER GAYS ARE CAMPINGGGG! I’m- oh my god they’re so cute. “Marshmelon” this is cute as hell oh my god. They’re indulging and messing with Spock at the same time I’m dead! They’re singing ohh my god this gonna give me cavities with how sweet it is!!!

This Klingon dude is frickin ROCKING the eyeliner! Bruhhhh was the frickin spotlight necessary! Leave the gays alone SHHHH they’re SLEEPING!! Lmao. Yo I’ll be real this movie starts incredibly slowly but I seriously do not mind, it’s relaxing to not have to worry about missing important details if you look away for a second, it’s nice. WAIT? Does Jim’s shirt say GOT MILK?!!? Oh no, it says go climb a rock, oh thank god [“fatty milkers” flashbacks]

Seriously McCoy is just radiating so much old southern lady/gay energy in this movie and I love it so freaking much “if you ask me (and you haven’t) this is a horrible idea” he sounds like my North Carolina living Meemaw. Wow you can see Spock low-key taking psychic damage from seeing Sybok 😲 V’tosh Ka’tur of the highest order huh? Still disturbing that his government literally cast him out, that’s a red flag 😬. What happened with Sybok is probably a lot of why Spock was pressured to be as Vulcan as he was, I’m sure Sybok was a massive scandal/shame for Sarek, and knowing him, he’d end up making that his kids’ problem not his 🙄

Oh neat!! Chekov is in the in the captain’s chair. Oh this is the song they replaced Nichols’s voice for 😤 but also GIRL THAT WAS BADASS AND THAT SONG WAS A BOP! Quick question, wow these “alien” horses are somehow even worse than the unicorn dog (also it’s a desert planet, wouldn’t it be better to have, like, alien camels or something?) This dude’s Klingon is freakin impeccable btw! He’s really got the vibe down! Jim did you forget how fuckin bananas strong Vulcans are??? Sybok went like 😡☹️ when Spock pointed that laser rifle at him 😂😂😂 again even tho I know Scotty and Uhura are married but it’s scenes like getting held hostage right there where they radiate such POWER COUPLE energy GAWD! 🤩

Stay out of this Bones we’re having a lover’s quarrel! Jim is taking fucking psychic damage from this entire conversation lol. Okayyyy whatever Sybok is doing is definitely some kind of mind control type thing, that shit is creepy af no thank youuuuuu (spores anyone?). Oh my god Spock & Jim are so married lmao, that “I’m sorry” Vulcan kiss in the brig man Aw. (Oh man Magic’s of mega-tsu got devani mixed by that comment lame!) SCOTTYYYYYY!! YAS!

Yay rocket boot glomp! Lmfao! Sybok needs to brush up on his earth history Columbus did NOT figure out the world is round 🙄 Ah Scotty being like “listen, you’re not okay rn so I’m not really down for whatever you think you wanna do right now it can wait until you’re right in the head again” and they could’ve not done that and it would’ve been creepy (especially by today’s standards) but they didn’t! And that was awesome!

Bones being skeptical and has every right to be! He’s faced down would be gods and would-be messiahs before! Also I’ve seen people judge Bones for being the first to cave but Sybok totally did that shit to him without consent! He didn’t go back on his beliefs, Sybok forced him to! BONES PROTECTION SQUAD IS HERE AND ITS ME! Oh Bones, man, poor babeyyyy (fuck Sybok!) 😭😭😭 OH MY GOD BONESSSSSS Sybok leave him alone! Goddamnit! Leave him alone!

I think Jim can see Spock’s Sybok induced vision cuz they’re ✨Bonded✨ (it didn’t seem like they could see Bones’s, other than what Bones was doing). JIM KNOWS SO MUCH BETTER! ITS HOW HE BEAT THE SPORES ITS HIS CORE! I UNDERSTAND AND LOVE HIM FOR IT!!! Spock 😍😍😍 he’s like, you’re bullshit happiness pill doesn’t work on me cuz I am whole for the first time in my life, and I love my husband, and I already learned my lesson decades ago 💚🖖🏻💚 (who knew how important the character development from This Side of Paradise AND Return To Tommorow would be??? Hell yeah!)

I love Scotty so much 🥰 hardcore badass Hufflepuff from beginning to end! Also I hope Sybok appears in SNW that could be really really interesting if they do it right! ITS GOD (derogatory) REVERE HIM! Oh here comes that legendary question!! “What dies God need with a starship?” Red flag don’t call Jim a creature! Oh shit god has laxer eyes oh no lmao! Bones snaps out of whatever Sybok did to him when “God” hurts his friends and we LOVE HIM FOR ITTTT! Awww Spock & Sybok and be saaaaad, oh shit! Into the lightning to fight a mirror of yourself like Lazarus in that one episode!

OH SHIT THE KLINGONS ARE HERE! Oh damn Spock just swore a cuss the right way, at a Klingon General no less! General dude just went “caotain tell Kirk you are sorry!” LMAO! NOT IN FRONT OF THE KLINGONS 😂😂😂😍 KISS DAMNIT!! God this whole after scene is so good, maybe the god is the friends we made along the way. “I lost a brother once” you also lost SAM dummy, I know you were just telling Spock you love him but still. SHUT UP SPOCK IS PLAYING ROW ROW ROW YOUR BOAT ON HIS LYRE??

Okay, seriously, I unironically love this movie, it might be my favorite out of the ones I’ve seen so far actually. TMP felt like the movies getting their sea legs, but it was slow and messy, it wasn’t as thought provoking as it wanted to be (aside from Spock’s wonderful arc in that film). WoK & TSFS are amazing for drama and angst and Spirk content, but they weren’t really asking the big questions Star Trek is wonderful for. Then The Voyage Home is just plain silly and fun and wholesome. But this, this movie had depth! The whole premise is “what is god and is there is one?” I LOVE that as someone who has a very complicated relationship with spirituality. I also already loved the TOS episodes This Side of Paradise, Return To Tomorrow, The Omega Glory and The Way To Eden, and this movie had the best of those concepts! Sybok was such a fascinating antagonist/anti-hero and I hope we get to see him explored more on screen one day, even if it’s just through Discovery/SNW flashbacks. It may have started off slow and it’s not without its flaws but this felt like the Star Trekkiest TOS Star Trek movie so far!

#star trek #star trek v: the final frontier #the final frontier #why does god need a starship #star trek tos #tos liveblog #liveblogging #Sybok

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qwanderer · 3 years

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Loki in the Hall of Mirrors

This story is complicated. Not, like, as a plot, not particularly, but philosophically and thematically. It's got that great play of hero against villain that I love about the Loki story in general and that makes it all so divisive and messy. And I love it even more than I did on first watch.

The first time I watched the desert landing scene, I was like, "Wait? What happened to Allspeak?" because the people who live there don't seem to understand him. But on the second watch, I realized it could be a lack of context, rather than a break in translation. These people probably have an even chance of knowing nothing about Norse myth. Like, what if an alien came up to you and said "I am Boogle of Bofgar, I carry a burden"? You would still have questions like "What the hell is a boogle and why are you carrying your shit here?" So the basic dynamic of Allspeak is probably still functioning, and Loki probably understood their questions, but he was still trying to figure out how to answer when he got distracted by the TVA people.

It could even be an innate psychic ability rather than a magical one, as he seems to understand everyone in the TVA, including the man who can't be fluent in all languages like the field agents because he has never heard of a fish and the seemingly nonverbal robot. (Which of course makes me want Loki talking with Dum-E and the other shop bots! But I digress.)

Okay. I want to start talking about the next-level manipulation shit the TVA are pulling on Loki here. Time, as they say, moves differently in the TVA, and one might even assume that they can avoid having to deal with more variants at once than they can handle. And yet we see them dealing with exactly two other troublemakers during Loki's onboarding.

The first, I'm going to call little echo man.

Little echo man is incredibly annoying to Loki, because he does and says everything Loki might find himself inclined to do and say if he wanted to be difficult. Little echo man does these things in little annoying undignified ways, making them look silly and petulant. Little echo man protests and questions and pushes back, in his business suit and his long dark hair and pale skin, and clearly thinks everyone should treat him as important even though every indication is that he is an annoyance and an afterthought.

Perhaps he's a plant, and perhaps he's just a variant of an annoying but predictable regular they see who they lined up at the same time on purpose. But he is on purpose. Everything he does screams directly at Loki, "Don't do this."

We'll get to the second convenient intersection later.

The most obvious layer of manipulation is simply the beraucracy. They put him up against a series of obstacles which he needs to deal with to get anywhere else, and nothing he does can get him past those obstacles except compliance. All of these obstacles have personality, but they are not personable. They treat Loki like a bag of trash they have been tasked with taking to the curb. Annoying, distasteful, but ultimately routine. His silver tongue isn't going to get him anywhere because these people simply don't care.

I think a lot of these he just goes along with to see where it gets him, since at this point he still believes he has his magic in reserve. But the fact that he steps through the robot fryer even though he thinks he might be a robot without knowing (as others have pointed out, he spent thousands of years as a frost giant without knowing it, and he's recently spent time in the control of the being who shaped Nebula) is a testament to how deep they've already got their hooks in him.

They treat the robot fryer like it's routine, but come the next obstacle, they kill little echo man like it's routine, too. Because he didn't comply.

Loki is slowly being ironed flat to thread into their compliance mill.

And then - I love this, because it reminds me of one of my favorites among the multiplicity of Lokis, GoS!Loki - they put this line in as punctuation between the impersonal, compliance, don't phase of their manipulation and everything that comes after it.

When he's set before the judge, someone actually paying some attention to him, this is his chance to use his silver tongue on someone who will listen. But, although the judge listens, she treats him the same as all the other obstacles have - like listening is a distasteful chore she would like to be done with.

So it seems like the perfect moment for a dramatic escape. Except his magic is gone.

"It's not your story," the judge says. "It never was."

That hammers in all the worst things Loki has ever believed about himself - that he stands in the shadows of others, that he will never have the central place he was raised to desire, that he is, and always will be, a villain to be vanquished rather than a person with choices and agency.

Enter Mobius.

Mobius is a big echo.

He draws all the attention in a room. He is everything that Loki wishes to be - he is powerful, informed, prepared, in control. Capable of charming the judge. And most importantly, he is actively interested in Loki.

At this point in Loki's journey - both in the show and in his life - that has to be irresistible.

So Mobius is in a perfect position to wrap Loki right around his pinky finger.

He listens to Loki without shutting him down, the way all the obstacles have. When Loki tells Mobius he's going to burn down the TVA, Mobius suggests a couple of places he might want to start. One concrete, small, mischievous. One an indication that he's open to Loki doing larger, more significant things here in the future.

He shows Loki his own past and future - but carefully edited, to paint a particular picture.

So many echoes, so many reflections - Loki is in a house of mirrors. Lost, disoriented. Distorted one way, then the other. Magnified and examined.

Loki snarks, and Mobius comments, "Makes you sound smart." Affirms Loki for that little mischievous bit of personality.

Mobius shows Loki some of the most terrible things he's done, and questions them. Pushes Loki away from them. Then changes direction before he can get too heavy-handed, to basically fangirl over the DB Cooper adventure. That's mischief. That's good. I like that.

Punishes him for a small infraction, just to remind him who is in control and that even looking threatening could be seen as a problem.

I think it was at about this point that I got hard reminded of the dynamics of the show White Collar. It's a buddy cop show on a basic level and sometimes the relationship can be very sweet, but sometimes Peter spends one too many times reminding Neal that he can send him back to prison any time he wants and the power dynamic shows its messed up edges.

Mobius is part of the machine, and the machine is doing terrible things to Loki, but I have at least a sliver of hope that the relationship could gain more balance - more genuine balance, not based on the faux freedom that Loki has gained by the end of the episode. There's something to be said for making changes to a system from within that system, but for that to be meaningful change, Mobius would have to change as a person.

Anyway, this current nastily powerful Mobius pushes Loki as hard as he can, and then is conveniently interrupted by the actions of another variant, leaving Loki alone with his remote.

It could easily have been on purpose. The only thing Loki learns by escaping that room is that the TVA is more powerful than any force in the universe, in his experience.

Let's talk about the other Loki variant for a minute. It took me until the second viewing to realize the symbolism of leaving a small child the only survivor in a place of worship, then giving her something to turn her blue.

Odin said he found Loki in a temple, in the aftermath of a battle.

It's actually frighteningly easy to imagine how a distraught Loki could get to a place where he feels the need to genuinely burn down the TVA, and kill every agent in it. Because the TVA put certain clips in his little future show, focusing on the death of his mother, the way his own actions affected it, and the futility and brutality of his own death at the hands of Thanos.

They don't show him the destruction of Asgard, his own role in helping save the evacuees, and the way Thanos decimated the population of that transport before it could even reach Earth. They don't show him the devastation of his home or his capacity to do good.

A Loki who knows that the power of the TVA exists and that he has the capacity to be Asgard's heroic savior would do anything to get that power and save his people.

But we haven't met that Loki yet. I'm sure we will, and it's going to be exhilarating.

This Loki is being taught the importance of control over little things, and so when he gets his collar off and onto that guard, he toys with her, just to see that he can. They have been toying with him and it's oh so satisfying to turn the tables. But it's still compliance in its own way, the petty little mischief that Mobius has been steering him towards.

Loki has been given just enough freedom, just enough choices, that it seems like his own choice to watch the rest of the slide show and come to the obvious conclusion - there's no "out" to go to. His life has gone on without him, and ended. And there's really no point in his trying to fix it. No putting things back the way they were.

So he admits to Mobius - the person who has listened hardest, probably, besides his mother - he admits that he is small and scared and lashing out. That he doesn't know what to do.

Of course, this is when Mobius introduces the task the TVA has for Loki - to take down his other self.

Oh, I can't wait for the next episode! I want to know where this is going.

(I've popped in some panels from Loki: Agent of Asgard because it's my favorite and the show is giving me feelings about it.)

#the loki show #the loki series #agent mobius #loki #loki meta #spoilers #loki spoilers #loki show spoilers #aoa #gos!loki #marvel

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