#they both go through a existential crisis about who they are and they're place in the world

[nothesunisadeadlylazer]

everyday I wake up and I realize that Damian and Kon have a lot more in common than you think.

[ghost-in-the-corner]

Ok I'm back on my Barbie movie bullshit

The song they're using to promote it, Dua Lipa's Dance the Night, is so incredibly depressing.

For context:

The music and singing are very upbeat. It sounds exactly like what you'd hear from a Barbie song. Same thing for the title; Barbies are glamorized, always having the time of their lives.

In this way, it's very reminiscent of Aqua's Barbie Girl song. That song is about being (for lack of a better word) a bimbo, living a party lifestyle and getting spoiled by your partner, who gets a lot of sex in return.

This sort of objectification has surrounded Barbies for years. They're toys, meant to be pretty and dressed up and dance with other Barbies.

But Dua Lipa's song. The lyrics are so depressed and existential. The first line:

Baby, you can find me under the light, diamonds under my eyes

Sounds like a regular party night. Later from the background singers:

Even when the tears are flowing they're diamonds on my face.

Barbie literally starts the song out crying.

The whole thing continues in this trend, with her talking about how, despite everything happening - her heart breaking - inside, she keeps on presenting the perfect idea of a Barbie. Not one hair out of place, not missing any steps, still with that smile and tight outfit.

This, again, shows the existential crisis Barbie is going to go through in the film. She has an ideal she has to live up to; society demands her to be the perfect Barbie, always happy and pretty and carefree. But she doesn't want that. It's why her feet go flat, and why she wants to put the heel on. She fully believes herself to be the doll everyone else made her, thus doesn't think she should be able to express how she really feels. It's why Barbie keeps moving, cause if she stops, she'll shatter.

I'll still keep the party going, not one hair out of place - yes, I can

And because she's convinced herself that she needs to be the perfect Barbie, she does well acting like it, so no one else feels what she feels. Every other Barbie and Ken don't have these ideas, thus making her the lone figure, isolated from both the world she's in and the world she wants.

When my heart breaks - they never see it

I think this leads into the idea that Barbie's inner conflict might make her choose between the worlds; in Barbieland, she's the perfect doll with a fabulous life, but in the real world, she's a person with emotions and free will.

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

Barbie was so good?!? Fucking loved every minute of it, but special shout-out to some things...

(BARBIE SPOILERS below the cut)

This movie was so funny, I can't get over how fucking funny and camp it was, an actual masterpiece 11/10

"This movie is overly feminist and man-hating" - THIS MOVIE AIN'T FOR YOU, SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO WATCH THE SHITTY FLASH MOVIE THEN IF YOU'RE SO MAD

(haven't actually seen the flash, have seen a few clips on twitter and i'm glad i haven't, i don't want to, don't @ me)

I'll be honest, I had very few Barbie dolls growing up, I had a medium sized doll house that was not for Barbie-height-toys, and so most of my toys were random figurines collected over the years (shout-out to the McDonald's Happy Meal Narnia toys!), but I was still getting pumped at the beginning of this film when the narrator went into detail about how Barbie can have any career, any life she wants etc.

The attention to detail in Barbie-land, like the pools/sea are all flat and not actually wet, there’s no actual liquid in the cups when they drink, no water in the shower etc.

Look, I will fully admit that HOTD has fucked my brain and my taste in men up, and so I'm blaming that for me looking at Ryan Gosling as Ken and going "yes I would like to obliterate that twink" 🙈

There were a lot of kids in my screening who absolutely did NOT get the "beach you off" joke, meanwhile I was sitting there laughing embarrassingly loudly like an idiot

Why was Allan a whole ass mood, I'm sorry but he was so relatable, arguably the best character I fear-

I like that weird-Barbie is basically what a lot of girls go through with their Barbies at a certain age by cutting off their hair, drawing on them with pens, etc. Like that’s a mood, my sister and I used to wash our Barbies’ hair and draw fake tattoos on them with felt tips 💀

“Do you ever think about dying? 😃” took me out oh my fucking god 💀 I already had one existential crisis this weekend watching Oppenheimer, I don’t need another one from Barbie of all things 😭

The way Ken says “because we’re boyfriend girlfriend” has the most random place in my heart and I don’t know why lol

The sheer horror over Barbie having flat feet LMFAO

Weird-Barbie having the dog where you feed it pellets and then use the tail so it shits the pellets back out?!? Me and my sister were like "oh my fucking god" because we literally had that fucking toy lmfao

Weird-Barbie talking about Ken's smooth plastic bulge, I literally CHOKED-

Honestly just... Barbie entering the real world and being confused that men treat her like a sex object, being super uncomfortable, meanwhile Ken's like "they're looking at me appreciatively!"... oof

I nearly choked on my drink when Barbie loudly declared "I don't have a vagina and he doesn't have a penis!" like?!?!?

Barbie and Ken getting arrested not only once but TWICE... oh that's the content I'm living for lmao

I’m so so SO glad that the scene with Barbie and the elderly lady was kept in, I shed a tear because it was so beautiful and simple. When Barbie said that the lady was beautiful?!?! I’m a mess just thinking about it 😭❤️

Pleasantly surprised by the sheer amount of horsey content in this film like yes, that's 100% what the patriarchy should be, it should be about Kens riding horsies :D (I’m aware this is NOT the only thing that happened lmao I’m just saying that the world would be a better place with more horses)

America Ferrera is a fucking QUEEN and I adore her, I know HTTYD is over but she will always be MY Astrid, aka Chieftess Queen and Dragon-Rider

Not gonna lie, I felt Sasha’s little monologue where she rants about the unrealistic standards set by Barbie like I see both sides of what Barbie represents and how she can be viewed and I get it. Like on the one hand, hooray for girls growing up having a doll that can show them they can be Presidents, Nobel Piece winners, doctors etc., hooray for all the feminism to come from Barbie. But also you could argue that there’s unreal expectations in regards to Barbie’s body shape, and that when we girls grow up into women, we realise that the Real World is not as simple as what we dreamt of while playing with Barbies, that our world doesn’t revolve around having women in positions of power, that we still very much live in a society where women are viewed as being there solely for men, as home makers and wives and mothers, that we can have a certain amount of freedom and power but not too much etc.

Did I kind of guess "hey maybe it's not the daughter who has triggered Barbie's crisis, maybe it's the mother"? Yes, I guessed that early on but I still loved it anyway

I have no idea how Greta Gerwig got Mattel to agree to this script but holy shit, she must be magical or something

The spirit of Ruth Handler, aka THE creator of Barbie who named the doll after her daughter?!? Played by Rhea Perlman?!?!

Also I've only just learnt, after looking at Ruth Handler's wikipedia page, that Ken was named after her son?!?! Barbie and Ken are siblings?!?!

JOHN CENA AS MERMAN KEN?!?!

My sister was so delighted by the amount of Sylvester Stallone references in this film omg

DEPRESSION-BARBIE I WAS IN LITERAL FUCKING TEARS I COULDN'T STOP LAUGHING, AND SHE WAS WATCHING BBC'S PRIDE AND PREJUDICE?!? WHILE EATING SWEETS?!? I CANT STOP CACKLING AND CRYING

Depression-Barbie also comes in other variations, including an anxiety one?!?! 🤣

I shit you not, I NEED America Ferrera to be nominated for supporting actress for all the awards because holy fUCK, her monologue?!?! That monologue?!?!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN ROB BRYDON AKA UNCLE BRYNN FROM GAVIN AND STACEY IS SUGAR DADDY KEN?!?!

“We mothers stand still so our daughters can look back and see how far they have come.” - STOP I WAS ALREADY SOBBING

The Helen Mirren fourth wall break where she says that if the filmmakers wanted us to believe that Barbie was no longer pretty, "they shouldn't have cast Margot Robbie in this part", literally ICONIC

KEN’S FLUFFY TIE DYE HOODIE THING THAT SAYS “I AM KENOUGH” ASDFGHJKL I WANT ONE

Ridiculously glad that Ken and Barbie didn’t get together to be honest, yes I get it that Ken is designed as a boyfriend for Barbie but also it would have sucked to have this whole film play out as it did and then have them end up together 💀

The soundtrack of this film was IMMACULATE, 10/10, five stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

There’s a definite message and commentary here but I’m too stupid and tired to write it out, so I’ll reblog it from the people who are smarter and more eloquent than me instead but oh my good this film was such an amazing piece of cinema

This isn't everything about the film obviously, there was a lot going on and I'm still mentally processing it so I might add more to the post later but wow, just… wow.

[sweet-beezus]

Edit: Somehow, my queue glitched and posted this earlier this week, so hopefully~ this works out-

Golly, another @khoc-week has come and gone, time sure flies when you're having fun-

Thank you for another AWESOME week full of such fun OCs!!! I love seeing everyone's creativity shine through their characters, it's like a small look into everyone's brains where we can admire the little worms living in there... in a good way!

Whether they're freshly hatched or well aged, these silly guys always bring me so much joy! :)

Genuinely, I wish I had the energy to interact with every single one of them, so instead I will blow them all a kiss from afar!!! ♥ ♥ ♥ They are what makes this week of the year truly special!

Beware, I will be lurking in tags ready to pounce on every OC I see after this is over I'm OBSESSED- (jk jk... unless?)

Onwards, then, to the final prompt of the year!!

Day 7 - Happily Ever After

Now, alas I've been following the canon timeline and filling in gaps with my own fun worldbuilding, characters and lore, so by all rights their stories are not gonna reach a happy ending for a WHILE (writing? who is she?), however the hypotheticals are always a good way to cope with that!

What their endings have reached so far while we're in lore hiatus (waiting endlessly for Missing Link and KH4... jk jk I hope they take their time tbh-) is that ideally after KH3, while everyone is looking for Sora, they're world jumping and clearing out remaining hoards of darkness together as a crew, alongside Reixen for more bonding time, in a variety of new places! They solve some mysteries surrounding their own personal character arcs and learn things about themselves they never considered, it's a real eye opener. Day 2 kinda hints at that with my picks of places I want them to go to fulfill that! At this rate, they may just be a series of oneshots...

Of course, it all eventually HAS to end, so here's some loose ends and how they may tie them up!

Iris:

Considering Iris ended up in the future, of course she has to cope with the reality that the worlds she knew are gone, or at least have yet to be restored (aside from Daybreak Town there's no repairing that-). Plus the existential crisis of having technically been dead AND given a new, puppet-esque body to inhabit. Lucky, she is, to even be here to begin with.

At the same time, she's helping Alto regain his memories from the same era they both managed to escape in some way. Being repeatedly reincarnated kinda screws some things up along the way, so it's a long haul process for the both of them to come to terms with.

Depending on what happens with the Scala ad Caelum plotline, they may both travel there, or to what's left of it, for closure, as well as to learn about the culture there to see what became of it after they were both long gone. Pay their respects to Alto's pal Ephemer and all that.

Her ending ideally is moving on and learning to live in a time she didn't anticipate seeing, which should be simple in theory since she's so young. She stays with Irene and Alto in Radiant Garden, and together with Alto they both take up lessons with Merlin and Yen Sid to learn more modern Keyblade skills, eventually (despite being Keyblade Master precursors) they are granted the titles of Master and help protect the universe.

♡♡♡

Irene:

She returns to her job, forever changed by her experiences, and helps her fellow castle staff move on and forgive themselves for the horrors they had to go through. It's a long haul process, but it will be worth it!

She finds herself a comfy living place in Radiant Garden to offer as a safe space for those she grew close to when they need it, where she essentially adopts Alto and Iris, since they don't really have a place to go that isn't rooming with a wizard or an on-the-road teenager. From time to time she also travels to Twilight Town to visit Reixen and her found family (maybe attending her polycule wedding at some point), but otherwise seems perfectly content staying put. Maybe the occasional visit from Iliana, as a treat. That doesn't require much aside from constant pestering, really.

While readapting to life a decade later than she's used to is a hassle in of itself, she seems to do it with grace, which is impressive considering she was presumed dead for said decade-

She also has that wonderful romance with Russell, as they deserve, and they both get to retire at some point knowing they have their chance to heal from all the suffering they experienced... and with more adopted kids than they know what to do with-

♡♡♡

Iliana:

What I envision for her is kind of complicated and long, so I'll try to keep it short-

Ideally, she gets to save her world once and for all while also getting rid of Igni, which almost costs her her life (nothing is allowed to be easy with Igni, as we've learned from Day 4-). So afterwards she's in recovery surrounded by the loved ones she gained along the way. For how long? Who's to say, miss ma'am will either be MIA or in a comatose sleep (jk jk... unless?) so it depends entirely on her and the awful side effects of Igni's possession tbh-

Chronically ill? With Igni goo disease? More likely than you think!

On the bright side, she finally gets to reunite with her brother in this timeline, though later than intended, and the two eventually take off on a journey of self discovery! Or they probably camp out with their uncle for a while before they do that, either way. They make up for lost time and get to grow together as people while also tying up a whole heap of loose ends their pasts left behind. A whole heap is nothing to sneeze at in this case-

In between, she makes time to check in on various allies as well as hang out with (her nerdy now bf) Ienzo. They have a funky long distance relationship because of her travels, so she surprises him with her presence when she can.

Maybe she gets an engineering degree, who knows? Certainly not me, at least not yet.

I like to think she eventually takes on apprentices or something and is probably the most annoying mentor known to the universe, especially if one of her apprentices is conveniently a secret younger sibling (I joke but... maybe-).

Nothing will be easy, of course some stupid new plot will pop up and she'll have even more nonsense to deal with, but that's a later issue to think about.

♡♡♡

And finally, they all get therapy ♥

They're doomed by the narrative to be absolutely demolished but can never truly die, so it's only fair they can live out somewhat happy and fulfilling lives despite every up and down I throw at them!

That's all I've got for this prompt, thank y'all for another wonderful KHOC Week and I will see y'all next year!!

Or in the tags, I'm always in the tags. :3c

[unovanhunny]

Back at it again with another New AU with @tombstone-pisa

Dubbed "Teen Emmet AU" (Even though they're both Teens, but Emmet is the focus of the AU)

If you're familiar with how we do AUs, it won't be a surprise that there's mentions of abuse and potential murder. Here we go, under the cut

At a young age, Ingo and Emmet were essentially sold into the foster system and were separated. Ingo went with a family that generally treated him well (aside from the fact that they gaslit him into thinking Emmet was an imaginary friend). Meanwhile Emmet had a hell of a time in a lot of ways, physically mentally and emotionally. When Emmet got old enough, he got himself out of the place where he was and got his own apartment and started attending the same school as Ingo.

Initially, Ingo only knew about Emmet because he kept getting in trouble and detention for things he Didn't Do. Because Emmet cannot behave himself, but most people just thought he was Ingo. And when he's finally about to confront the person making his school life so hard, Emmet excitedly calls his name and hugs him and Ingo starts going through a sort of existential crisis. Emmet wasn't real. He had made him up as a kid because he was lonely. This doesn't make any sense-

But Emmet is certainly real and he keeps talking about how much he missed Ingo and how much he loves him and Ingo just... kinda goes along with it for a while. His life has been a lie and he's processing and if he ends up kissing or getting intimate with this figment of his imagination made real, so be it. He seems very genuine in his affection after all.

As for Emmet's side of everything... When they were separated, Emmet mourned. But he didn't have much time to dwell on it because his experience was just a hell nightmare. The only thing that got him through it was his personal vow to see Ingo again and to be able to see him smile. He had some photos from when they were young still, his most precious possessions, until they were ripped up by someone taunting Emmet and hoping to break that smile. They survived, but they certain got a scare. The home they were in didn't bother to report the incident so Emmet faced no consequences. Which he shouldn't anyway. Ingo's smile was taken away from him Again. And that kinda set something off in him. He would find Ingo and protect his smile, no matter the cost. It was the only reason for him to continue living. So finally finding Ingo was a dream come true.

Ingo's parents certainly didn't approve of any association between the two of them and after a series of events, including Ingo questioning the validity of his own memories and demanding to know why they lied to him, Ingo gets kicked out. He goes to stay with Emmet, who now really really wants to kill Ingo's parents. Ingo keeps talking him down from it, but otherwise their life together, while not easy, is peaceful. Though now they both suffer from severe separation anxiety. Not while theyre in classes or anything, but whenever they Could be together, if they weren't, it would set in. But absolutely nothing will keep Emmet away from Ingo.

Despite all this going on in their lives, they're still dumb cringey teenagers from the 00s and go to anime clubs, (which is why Emmet calls Ingo Niisan, because he's a cringy baby weeb)

Also yes Ingo is a goth with dyed hair and yes he's reading Twilight. He's Team Edward. Emmet apologises that he can't be a vampire but he'll happily watch him sleep if he wants. Ingo finds the possessive behavior ~Romantic~. They have dates at the graveyard because Emmet doesn't care as long as Ingo is happy. It suits his Aesthetic.

Side note: This AU does take place in a pokeverse. I'll do another post later about their pokemon

[huntunderironskies]

Out of curiosity, how would it be for a handful of the different CoD splats to enter a world where they didn’t exist? Would like a completely awful situation or neutral or something else entirely? I’ve been thinking about a crossover like that but figured it’d be neat to see some opinions on it, get some good ol’ creative inspiration and all that.

So the biggest thing that could cause a splat to death spiral here is if they have Touchstones. Most of them do-- this is what keeps them tethered to a sense of personhood and identity. I'm going to walk through some of the splats that I think will have notable issues for better or worse. I'm assuming that there won't be the other unique cosmological aspects of Chronicles of Darkness but I don't want to get too deep in the metaphyiscal weeds about what that might entail (I'm talking about things like...would Essence even exist in the first place if spirits don't exist, how would souls work here, all that stuff.)

If they're going to a world without their Touchstones, Demons benefit the most by far. There's no God-Machine so there's nothing there to hunt them down. Now, Aether does become even more of a precious resource than before since presumably without a God-Machine, Aether no longer exists, but you can get by a surprisingly long time with just Embeds and suddenly losing and gaining Cover no longer is a problem. That and there are plenty of Demons who'd be perfectly happy living an ordinary human life and who had that goal all along.

...though, that said, I'd imagine an Integrator is going to have a theological crisis with their goal of reuniting with the God-Machine now completely out the window but they're probably the only ones who are going to be suffering.

Changelings are an odd case where they are finally free of living in the shadow of their Keeper and being taken back to Arcadia but also just because you get away from that doesn't undo all of the psychological damage from that abuse. Any situation that would remind them of their Durance is going to cause Clarity damage and, well, unless they can get some kind of new Touchstone...

Mummies are tricky. I am assuming they will be free of the Judges here which is both good and also probably something of an existential crisis for a lot of them. When you've spent millennia serving them, what are you supposed to do now that you're suddenly free? This also means that without Du'at and the Judges around to bring them back, they could actually die permanently (which I believe is an outcome of Apotheosis in 1e anyways, so a mummy that was already hoping to achieve it would probably be fine with that.)

Werewolves lose the most here. They need other werewolves around and especially their pack. A high Primal-Urge werewolf needs to eat spirits or they're going to eventually starve to death. They need to hunt and keep in touch with their spirit-half by going into the Shadow or they'll lose their Harmony. And, well, there's implications that it's the Firstborn who bless the Sacred Hunt. So, bad times all around.

Otherwise just how much of a danger they'd end up being depends on the setting, monsters in Chronicles of Darkness are quite high-powered compared to a lot of other supernatural settings and are a lot more varied in what they're capable of. Your average werewolf in an urban fantasy setting is strong and might regenerate but they're not going to, say, summon up a blizzard or whatever have you.

Just to summarize: I would say generally speaking however, most splats are not gonna have a good time without their support networks if they get isekai'd somewhere alone.

(If this is a little disjointed it's because I'm feeling a bit exhausted, between a heat wave here and the semester starting with all of my classes requiring a truly absurd amount of reading I've used up most of my brain cells today, haha.)

[amcrimera]

Random pjo/hoo college au headcanons:

Jeyna friendship

They're both friends from childhood who got seperated in high school and reunite in their first year of college/university.

In their first year, they both take political science as a major.

Between their first and second years, they go through a number of existential crises (existential dread is always fun with a friend)

In their second year, they change majors. Reyna becomes a Botany major and takes a few GSWS class. Jason majors in Architectural History (let's pretend he attends one of the few unis that offer it) and attends a philosophy class.

Their the type of friends who start dressing like each other after a while.

Jason finds this delightful, meanwhile Reyna is in crisis.

“Hylla, either the Underworld froze over and Jason developed a sense of style or worse, I'm dressing like a white boy.”

They are study buddies through and through. You can catch them hanging at the library studying for an upcoming exam, just do not disturb or Reyna will square up and win.

They adopt two dogs, but both dogs end up loving Reyna more. Jason is in tears and Reyna is in heaven.

Jason tells Reyna the corniest jokes and she laughs every. single. time.

Nico is their other best friend.

Jason once jokingly asked Nico who his favourite was between him and Reyna. Nico replied “Reyna” with zero hesitation (Jason is in tears once more).

The type of friends to go on jogs together every morning.

Reyna teaches Jason Spanish (Leo and Percy find his accent very funny, but commend his enthusiasm)

Jason hates that Thalia and Reyna are friends, because it means that they can exchange more embarrassing stories about him.

Sometimes they go the college gardens at night and just discuss their feelings and hopes and dreams.

Existential dread is real, good thing they can talk about it with each other.

They have a shared vision board (Jason's idea) with all the places they want to visit (Diocletian's palace is marked the most to visit)

Jason suggested nicknames for them to call each other, but Reyna vetoed the idea as he mentioned it.

“You can call me Jay and I can call you Rey. That way we rhyme–”

“No.”

[rainingglitter]

Road to Nowhere

"We're on a road to nowhere Come on inside Takin' that ride to nowhere We'll take that ride" --- David Byrne / Christopher Frantz/Martina Weymouth/Jerry Harrison

The Talking Heads are one of my favorite bands. David Byrne is one of the geniuses behind this band and his post band life proves that fact. He's had his own solo albums, written for musicals ("Here Lies Love" is one of my favorites), and has even had his own successful Broadway show concert that is now a Spike Lee joint. They're incredible. Truly one of the best bands to ever make music and in my opinion, 1985's "Road To Nowhere" is one of the greatest songs from their songbook. For me, it's an existential crisis piece about running in place. Not having any direction. Maybe getting to a place and then not having a clue what to do next.

Last year I was let go from a "dream" job of mine. Box office manager of a theatre. Well, a community theatre, but a community theatre that had build themselves up to being slightly better than your average community theatre where they actually have the space and the money to do things an average community theatre couldn't do. This including have a payed staff. For the last 3-4 years (something like that) I was the box office manager and I think I did a pretty solid job. I also am a director of theatre and even went to an expensive ass school to train myself as such.

When one gets a degree in theatre, they don't have many options. They can go out and try to prove themselves by auditioning or getting bit jobs in theatres - which can be scarce OR they teach. Or they do both. The artistic director of a theatre I worked at in Baton Rouge is also a professor at LSU. The life is not glamorous and it seems that 1 out of every 100 people to try and make it in theatre don't get near the success they want out of it because the positions are so scarce. Luck has a lot to do with it and if someone tells you it doesn't, they are LYING. A big part of theatre is also about who you know. People who end up getting leadership positions at a theatre will bring people - designers, actors, musicians, etc - in with them because they have worked with them before and know they are good.

Beaumont Community Players in Beaumont, TX is one of my hometown theatres and a place I began volunteering with in high school. Since then and through all of my moves from home to wherever back to home to wherever back to home, etc. Beaumont Community Players (or BCP) was a place I loved coming back to whenever I was home. I acted, directed, helped backstage and I got to know a lot of people there and got a theatre family out of it. They would call me if they wanted me and I felt wanted while I was working there. I got the job of box office manager after the longtime box office manager decided to move with her family. The new executive director who had just come in had known me for a little bit and decided I would be a good fit for the position and offered it to me. I thought a long time about it. I had a really great full time job that I liked and that paid okay and had GREAT benefits. The box office position paid a little bit less and had no benefits. However, this was a job in theatre. Do you know how rare that is? I had been working my entire life to be in a paid position to do something with theatre and this was gonna be full time. I took it.

It was great while it lasted. A couple of bad decisions made by me got me let go from the position and I can blame lots of people for it - I could go off on how much they wanted me out or the end game they wanted for firing me or how some of the people that were there committed offenses that could/should have led to termination, but I'm going to because that is my anger and resentment speaking and I cannot let that cloud my mind any longer. I got myself let go from that job, plain and simple. I have accepted it and it sucks.

I had been involved and learning theatre since I was 12. I took classes, went to school in NYC for it, got involved in theatre in some way with every move that I made. It never left my life. I never let it go and the dream I had of working in theatre one day. One day I was gonna get there. But where? Where was I really gonna go?

I guess I could've tried getting a job at theatre in a bigger city near me like Houston but how long was that gonna take? Since the day I graduated college until the day I was let go from BCP totaled 16 years.

16 years! 16 years and the furthest I got was box office manager at a community theatre in Beaumont, Texas? Really?

Look, I'm not saying BCP is a bad theatre or Beaumont is a bad place, but compared to the things in life I wanted to do and the goals I had, it was two steps up from the bottom of the totem pole. Would it take another 16 years for me to be box office manager at a bigger theatre in a bigger city?

Now I'm saying that no one should go into theatre and that you'll never find anything in the arts, but I don't know if I was truly ready to experience the consequences that came from this life. I was making it...barely. And I'm still only barely making it even without theatre, but I'm trying to refocus the direction of my life now. I had such a strong grip on the dreams I wanted for myself that I kind of refused to have it any other way. I never had a strong enough relationship to distract me or children or anything. I was focused on the life I wanted to lead because that's all I knew.

Being fired from this job was not just me losing my job, but my entire life. I felt like my legs were cut off and I had lost the ability to walk. It was like I had been slapped back into my toddler ages. I had worked so hard and because of one stupid mistake I made on my part, my entire life had to change. I didn't have any money. Savings? What the fuck is that? I don't have a car, I couldn't pay my rent. ALL of those YEARS of training just...poof.....gone. Like they'd never happened. I was over. Beaumont, TX has absolutely nothing for me unless I wanted to push paper and listen to the latest gossip from west end Wanda's for the rest of my life while making an okay wage.

Life isn't about that. Life is so much more than where I ended up. I don't think this 100% yet, but being let go from theatre may have just saved my life. I certainly wasn't moving up the ladder at BCP and did I really want to wait around 20 more years for my next theatre job? I thought it got easier once you got in with the business? Nope. Not in the arts. It just gets harder. Or maybe it doesn't get harder, one just becomes complacent and doesn't feel like working much harder than they have to work? I don't know. I knew one thing. My career in theatre was over. I didn't live in a big city where I could maybe go work somewhere else. BCP was the only place I had that could match my training, talents, and skills. And now it was no more. I was told I could still audition for shows there but really? Like I was gonna do that. I've been back to that place exactly twice since I've been let go and both times (especially the second time) they made me feel like I was 2 inches tall. The warmth was gone. I wasn't welcome at my second home.

And again, I'm not blaming anyone else but myself for this. Still, I was deeply hurt. Still am. It's like I was getting a divorce from a long relationship or multiple members of my family died at once.

However, it took me awhile but I realized this was probably for the best. Again, I'm not completely in that mindset but I'm probably about 90% there. Since being let go, I've had two part time jobs, moved a couple times, got robbed for another bad decision I made, had to help take care of my older sister and mother, my sister ended up passing away, and so I never really full grieved everything. So much change in so little time and it was like being beaten with a cane over and over again.

I saw a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel when I got hired on as part of the Fun Squad with Carnival Cruise lines in August of 2022. However, I'm STILL on a waiting list for a position to open up and its been almost a year later. However, I am currently close to number one and so I feel it will happen soon. My hope is that this will be a career for me. I've done it before, I'm good at it, and I wish I would've stuck with it because I know it can be a great career.

Still, even working at BCP I realized I was stuck. I had no where else to go. I never really thought about moving up, I just thought "You're doing what you love and that's the best thing, right?" I mean, yes and no. It's so complicated. I think you should do what makes you happy but its like getting a job as a bagger at a grocery store. Do you want to be a bagger your entire life? Maybe you do because you like it and you're good at it and its comfortable. Do you want to stay a bagger your entire life though? Maybe you do, but you shouldn't. Even if you didn't want to rise the top and be manager and eventual CEO of that grocery store (or however it works), shouldn't you? You get better money and benefits and probably more satisfaction that you know the ins and outs of the business.

I can always go back to theatre and maybe at some point I will, but I'm trying to use this crisis in my personal life as a stepping stone. Everyone around me has moved on with their lives in many ways whether it's their career, marriage, family life, etc. I feel left behind in many ways and it makes me angry. I can't be angry at them though. It's no one else's fault but mine. I'm stuck. I have been for a long time but the realization just dropped on me the same way the Gap Band dropped a bomb on me (baby).

So here I am. Figuring out my life again at 40 years old. Maybe I never really had a life? Maybe I'm just now growing up? Growing up? What does that even fucking mean? That's another long-ass post for another day. Anyways, I'm at a point in my life where I'm reinventing myself. Nothing prepares you for this, does it?

I'm currently taking steps to better my mental and physical health which I'll have to get into on another post but just know I'm doing good. I'm feeling a bit fragile at the moment. Walking on broken glass as they say. I'm also incredibly scared. How do I just turn my back on everything I've known for most of my life and head down another dark, shitty, nameless road that I have no clue where it leads. There was a time in my life where I would welcome change and dive head first into the deep end, not knowing what lays beneath the surface. The realities of life cause you to be scared of that and you lose that fearlessness. I want it back. I wanna go out there on another path and reinvent myself. I have no other choice.

I'm focused on making better choices in my life and trying to clear my head as best as I can, trying to remember those ambitious feelings I once had about life. I'm determined to grow and get out of this rut to catch up with everyone else around me. I know it's not easy and it's not fun and I honestly haven't been trying to do this for that long, but I'm doing pretty good at it so far.

More than anything, I'm very focused right now. I'm listening to uplifting and encouraging podcasts and taking control of things I have control over like my finances and how I control my own life. I'm working on the failed aspects of my life (which is most) and hopefully will be better for it. The road to nowhere is terrifying but I'm not giving up. I'm still here and I know I have a lot more left to give.

[desert-bluffs-and-me]

WTNV Quick Rundown - 5 - The Shape in Grove Park

Heya! Catch up on the previous episodes here! or by checking the tag #wtnv quick rundown on the blog!

This series is a bulletpoint list of lore, facts, quotes and interesting bits of whatever from the podcast/live shows for both old fans who forget some stuff and new fans that wanna get through it and catch up quick! Although I do still recommend listening eventually because there's a lot of tone I can't capture (though may try to). Now, without further ado!

Close your eyes. Let my words wash over you. You are safe now. Welcome to Night Vale.

There is a Shape In Grove Park That No One Acknowledges Or Speaks About. It gives out low moans and has a gelatinous quiver. It is considered a local historical landmark and citizens are upset that the City Council is removing it to make way for a picnic table, swingset and Blood Stone Circle. It is eventually moved to the front of the radio station, which causes the radio host to have a tiny existential crisis.* But eventually becomes angry at being acknowledged so City Council moves it in return for the radio hosts silence. It's also worthy of note that City Council is a Thing, referred to by it/it's and they/them pronouns.

There is a Night Vale Green Market Co-Op. It's Board President is Tristan Cortez. They are finally going to actually start selling food, which they weren't before due to the whole place being a coverup for secretive domestic espionage operations.

Michael Sandero, previously mentioned quarterback, has grown a second more attractive, more intelligent head. Michael's mother likes this head better and has updated the 'Which of my children do I like better' board outside of her home. Sandero gives no comment, because the radio station didn't bother to try and get one.

Illiteracy, unwanted pregnancy and violet crime is on the rise in the tarantula community. Animal control is addressing these problems with after school programmes titled "teach a spider to read: stop the madness". You volunteer by weeping into your bathtub 'until it's all gone'.

There is a Fuel and Go gas station in Night Vale. Rita Hayworth has been spotted there by Old Woman Josie and an angel she is with. Even though this person looked nothing at all like Rita, the angel assured her it was Rita.

The Night Vale Community Theatre is introduced. They're having auditions for 'Once on This Island'. As well as the usual things expected of such auditions, is it required to give blood, stool and have radiation testing. You are NOT allowed to sing anything from South Pacific and POC are encouraged to audition as part of the equal opportunities employment offered by the theatre group. Also, actors with long-range sniper training, Fortran computer programming, and top-notch wilderness survival skills are a plus. Results are announced in secret.

The radio host does not understand or trust the moon. Like, the actual moon. He doesn't get it. He tried to ask Carlos about it, but Carlos hasn't been seen much since his haircut, it seems.

The Night Vale District has made some changes to it's elementary school curriculum: History class will focus more heavily on textbook readings and traditional exams, rather than live ammo drills (due to parent feedback).

Geology is adding a new type of rock on the grounds that it’s been awhile since anyone has done that (Vimby which is pale blue and completely edible. Points will be awarded to the first student to discover a real world example of it.)

Math and English are switching names. Their curriculum will stay exactly the same. Astronomy will now be conducting stargazing sessions with blindfolds, in order to protect them from the existential terror of the void (Pluto has been declared imaginary)

All classrooms will be equipped with at least one teacher physically present for the entire instruction period. Astral projection will no longer be used in any classroom situation.

In addition to the current foreign language offerings of Spanish, French, and Modified Sumerian, there will now be Double Spanish, Weird Spanish, Coptic Spanish, Russian, and Unmodified Sumerian.  

Weather: "Jerusalem" by Dan Bern, danbern.com

There is a service for Intern Leland at the radio station, where he is buried in the break room (as customary) and the questions of his family cannot be answered.

The radio host finally names himself as 'Cecil' at the end of this episode.

He once more signs off with 'goodnight listeners, goodnight'.

[anxiousnerdwritings]

(Part 1) zoydzlhfxfzmbdd BRUH. BRUH. BRUH. your writing is phenomenal! Like, can I get the number of the Demon you sold your soul to for writing talent? Because ugh its so fucking good. I love your concepts and headcanons and they're always so in character and fit so well with each yandere like a terrifying PBJ sandwich 🥪. If you're not busy, can I get some uh platonic yandere Superman? Like, just imagine him adopting a dumbass vigilante reader and getting uber protective when he realises

Yandere Platonic!Superman/Clark Kent x Daughter!Reader

Once Clark meets you as your vigilante persona and sees how reckless and careless you really are, he just knows he has to take you in as his own. He's not like Bruce who will gradually get to the point of taking you under his wing and bringing you into the family, no Clark rushes in head first, much like yourself. Now, he knows you're not of legal adopting age but the doesn't keep him from deciding henceforth you will be his daughter.

When Clark does make his fateful visit, your fate was already decided before he even got to your apartment complex. He either got the address from Bruce or from one of the many nights he followed you home, just to ensure you got back safely and without incident. Speaking of which, he'll have to have talk with you about how you late you come home, barely leaving any time for you to get a restful amount of sleep.

Once you open the door and see Superman in all his superhero glory (he didn't even bother changing) you don't have enough time before he's already inside your apartment, looking around and taking everything in. It's obvious that you're a broke college student just by how bare and empty the place is. You're still babbling on about how he found you and what the hell's going on. Clark already thinks this place isn't good enough for you by any means. Looking through your cupboards only to find cup'o'noodles, peanut butter and RedBull. Yeah this isn't going to fly with him. He's surprised you've made it this far on your own, but now you don't have to survive by yourself cause Clark's here now.

You won't be able to talk your way out of anything with Clark, if he has his mind already set on something then that's what he's gonna go with. You'll be packed up and moved into his house in no time, probably the same night he comes to your apartment. You're pretty sure you're being kidnapped and you are, but Clark's just taking his daughter home. He's too delusional and too far gone to see his actions as anything other than what they are and to him, he's taking care of his precious baby girl and making sure your needs are met.

If you have a job, Clark will be there especially if it's a job like being a cashier, server, or something of the sort. He'll drop by to check in on you and make sure everything's going well. He doesn't necessarily like you working, he and Lois could take care of you, but it is a proud moment to see his Daughter being responsible and doing grown up things. He'll take sneaky photos of you while your working just to send them to Lois or Bruce, bragging about how well you're working and how much of a little worker bee you are. All the while you're having an existential crisis about this strange man who keeps referring to himself as your Dad and how he basically kidnapped you the day before, after not even meeting him for the first time.

Speaking of Lois, she and the rest of the Superfamily have already been well aware of Clark bringing you home, he hadn't stopped talking about leading up to the day he actually brought you home. Lois was hesitant and apprehensive about at first but once he brought you home, she saw exactly what Clark had seen in you. In that moment she accepted that this was the best choice for you. You're still very much in a panic over the whole thing especially when you're all sitting at the dinner table and everyone's acting like this is what you've all been doing for years, being completely normal and not uttering a word about what all has gone down in the last few days.

If you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, you won't anymore after Clark finds out. He won't allow you to date at any age, you're going to stay his precious baby girl. He can't fathom the thought of you getting married or having kids, not that he's opposed to grandkids, he just is opposed to everything leading up to grandkids. He wants to keep in his mind that you're his pure and innocent daughter and that no one has tainted you or anything. If you've already had intimate relationships, it would be best to keep that to yourself.

Clark is always listening to your heart beat, keeping track of even the smallest changes in the rhythmic beating. He'll use his x-ray vision while you're both out on patrol to check for any internal damage or injuries. God forbid if he finds any, you're being rushed to the hospital right away, no ifs, ands, or buts. He'll stay with you the whole time. Now if Clark knows who hurt you or even the slightest inkling they're a goner. He'll track them down and beat them to a pulp, maybe even killing them in the process.

Clark probably has a parenting book about How to Raise a Daughter. He'll take advice from Lois, Kara and Karen but he'll usually go with his gut. He'll treat you a lot like a toddler or middle schooler than an actually college aged person. When you're old enough to drink, he'll probably have a heart attack. Clark just can't take the thought of you going to a bar and getting drunk and then the thought of some grubby drunk person hitting on you or making you feel uncomfortable just gets him all kinds of angry. Lois would be the voice of reason, telling you to date and to go out and have fun but to be safe about it, while Clark is off to the side with his arms crossed and huffing like a child who didn't get his way. If you do go out, Clark will follow whether as Superman or where some ridiculous disguise.

God forbid if you actually do sneak out and go on dates behind his back, Clark will feel both betrayed and upset. He'll pull that "I'm not mad, just disappointed" card on you and you'll probably feel like a piece of shit for making him upset. But then you remember that this man KIDNAPPED YOU and MADE YOU HIS DAUGHTER!!!! But the psychological aspect of being told that you disappointed someone does hit deep and you'll probably come around to apologizing to him and promising him you won't do it again. He'll use that on you a lot to make you more compliant.

If you do have your own REAL family and you're close with them, Clark will probably orchestrate something to get rid of them. Like some sort of weird accident or putting the blame on a specific villain. He was just a little too late to save them and he'll hold you as you collapse into his arms crying. As much as it kills Clark to see you hurting, it had to be done. He'll be right by your side the whole time, even at the funeral he'll be right there for you. You won't feel alone with Clark around, he'll make sure of it. If you want space Clark will hesitantly give it to you, but he's using his super hearing and x-ray vision to make sure you're okay, periodically checking in on you using his powers. You don't know what all you've gotten thrown into and you won't be able to claw your way out of it, it's just best to play along and keep the facade going on. Who knows maybe you'll believe sooner or later, maybe you'll become just as delusional as your "dad", if only.

[juneviews]

tbh one of the worst things for me in ipytm (apart from... everything else) was how oh aew was basically a side character through it all, an afterthought, only there to provoke teh's character "development" as his boyfriend, he didn't get to be his own person on screen (the level of development of teh's friends vs oh's friends is so obvious). and idk if it is bc the writers love oab so much, but it feels like jai is the other protagonist of this season, replacing oh aew, which is fucking insane and super disrespectful to pp imo (especially bc they have him promote the show with billkin as if he was the other protagonist lmao) just such a disappointment all around to me (and same about the finding comfort in the fans not letting this go, thai twitter is still mad mad)

yeah that's actually really interesting of you to point it out. even in itsay, teh has always been the main character but at least oh-aew got almost an equal amount of screentime. in this, and that's despite pp being the one singing most of the soundtrack for the show this time around, oh-aew has definitely become an afterthought. I mean for me oh-aew is a less interesting character than teh (he's a little more smooth, more malleable, while teh is... well you've seen itsay), but that doesn't mean he doesn't have A LOT of potential as a character. I was actually really excited to see this season develop him, since teh was already such a big character. I feel like him realizing acting is not his calling should've been focused on way more bc I feel like a lot of students his age have this kind of existential crisis about what they're meant to do in life (it's me, I'm students lmao.) instead what we have is oh-aew basically being almost perfect in comparison to teh who's a mess this season, and that makes him even less interesting (not saying I would want the writers to ruin him too by trying to make him more 'flawed' lol.) so truly thank you for bringing this to my attention bc it's definitely really unfair to oh-aew as a character, but even more to pp as an actor. I don't think they've replaced him by oab, but it's certain that jai does take a certain place in the story that oh-aew should've occupied. I'm glad to hear that thai fans are mad, I mean we all are at this point. I did see an interview of oab saying he's receiving a huge amount of hate & it truly broke my heart bc I was sure it would happen. he's handling it really well & he's incredibly strong and mature for it, but it's really sad to see fans not being able to understand that he was literally just doing his job. so not only ipytm has ruined itsay & both teh and oh-aew as characters, but it's also bringing a lot of hate onto oab who truly doesn't deserve it :(((

xxx

[phoebehalliwell]

Paige/Jinny enemies to lovers - is it still enemies to lovers if only one of them knows they're enemies?

ok, so this is pre-season four, bc it's the only way I can see it working. sometime in season two/three, Jinny's latest master comes to San Francisco. maybe he's trying to impress the source, wants to kill the charmed ones, etc. point is, he's in SF, and Jinny is out of her bottle for some reason, and she takes advantage of being in a crowded city to make a break for it, punches her master in the face and just books it the hell out of there. she's not really thinking, bc he can always just order her back in, but he comes after her nonetheless, grabs her by the arm and gets physical.

enter Paige.

she's just coming off work, she's had a long day and she's tired, but when she sees some creepy old dude with his hands all over this young woman, very obviously threatening her, she goes a little bit apeshit. she cold-cocks the demon, yells for someone to call the cops, makes a huge nusiance of herself until everyone on the street is looking. and the demon knows he's outnumbered and he's too smart to make a further scene, not when he's got Jinny's bottle to control her with, so he takes off before things get worse. only he dropped the bottle when Paige punched him and Paige picked it up to give it back to Jinny, inadertantly making her Jinny's new master.

not that she has any idea of this, because she has no idea magic even exists, she just thinks she rescued Jinny from some kind of abusive relationship. for Jinny's part, she's not about to tell some random mortal that she's a genie; she doesn't know what kind of wishes Paige would make right off the bat, and she can't risk losing the chance to get wished free. so she decides to bide her time, gain Paige's trust, then betray her later by getting her to make a very crucial wish.

but Jinny underestimates Paige, and Paige's compassion, and that when Jinny tearfully insists she can't go to the police, Paige will take her home with her to take care of her because she's obviously terrified and traumatized. and when Paige asks who Jinny was fighting with, Jinny calls him her master, so Paige is now convinced that she rescued Jinny from some kind of sex trafficking situation that Jinny doesn't bother to correct.

Jinny tells Paige that her family is dead, and she has no home, and Paige offers to let her stay on the couch. and she offers Jinny new clothes to change into, and free run of the fridge, and a shoulder to cry on if Jinny ever wants to talk about what she's been through, and Jinny's kind of baffled bc no one's ever treated her like this. not in the underworld as a lowly demon just trying to survive, not when that sorcerer seduced her and then cursed her into the bottle, and certainly not from any of her previous masters. it's been a long time, if ever, that she's experienced kindness, and she finds that she kind of likes it.

she lives on Paige's couch for a while. days, then weeks, then months. she and Paige get along well enough that Paige just never asks her to leave, plus Paige is aware of the whole 'alone in the world, nowhere to go' thing and she's not about to throw Jinny out into the street. Jinny goes out and explores the city and then gets a job at a coffee shop near the apartment, bc Paige never ordered her back into the bottle, never set any limitations on how far she could go, and she's kind of bored and maybe a little addicted to the shop's coffee and what better way to have a free, unlimited supply. she finds herself talking to other people, and helping people, and slowly doing more and more good. her bottle sits on a shelf somewhere in the apartment, gathering dust.

Jinny maybe also starts seeing a therapist. Paige's suggestion, to help her deal with the trauma she's lived with for so long, and normally Jinny would laugh at the idea of spilling her guts to a mortal, but it's rather cathartic to talk things out, at least as much as she can without revealing magic. she asks Paige to come with her to one of the sessions; Paige holds her hand when her voice starts to break, takes her out for ice cream and a long walk in the park afterward.

Jinny's been living with Paige for almost six months when she realizes that Paige keeps the fridge stocked with the fancy lemonade Jinny loves, that she's got a toothbrush in a cup beside Paige's on the sink, that she knows Paige's favorite coffee order to bring to her at work as a surprise. that maybe she's falling in love with this mortal she's supposed to be tricking.

she has a bit of an existential crisis then. she's supposed to be evil; it was what she was born to be, it was what all those masters made her with their treatment over the centuries. but Paige doens't treat her like she's evil, doesn't treat her like any of the others. Paige treats her like she's something wonderful and worthy, Paige smiles when she sees Jinny making breakfast in the morning, says 'thanks, babe,' in that scratchy voice that tells Jinny she's still half-asleep and not actually listening to what she's saying. Paige is - Paige is maybe in love with her, too?

Jinny's not entirely sure how to deal with that.

so she doesn't really; just shoves it to the back of her mind, thinks about it every once in a while but not for very long. certainly not enough to be obsessing over it. she has a mission after all, and she can't let these pesky feelings for Paige get in the way of her revenge.

but then Paige comes home that night having crashed a stranger's funeral, and she's all wired and jittery and she asks Jinny if she wants to go clubbing, and then they get attacked by a demon and Jinny's mind is made up. Paige is hers, and no demon, not even the Source's personal assassin, is getting his hands on her.

Paige's new sisters being the Charmed Ones might be a bit of a bigger obstacle, but Jinny will deal with that after she finds a way to tell Paige about the whole genie thing. and find a way to get free without trapping Paige (or anyone else bc Paige wouldn't like that) in the bottle. and then she has to tell Paige how she feels.

omg. tbh ten times funnier if leo as a whitelighter can sense jinny is a genie and goes hey what’s with the the genie and paige is like jinny? and piper and phoebe are like GENIE?? and jinny’s like okay word i guess this is how i’m meeting my gf’s family also yes paige i am a genie but to be fair! i also didn’t know you were a witch. so like. i didn’t wanna scare u or anything. also funnier if piper or phoebe or hell even prue frequented the coffee shop jinny went to actually scratch that prue was a regular at the coffee shop jinny works at and they do chat a lot bc like. idc prue comes in on her lunch break or something to get away from bucklands and just chat blah blah blah they kind of become acquaintances where u barely know each other but r still homies and then prue kinda stops coming in and jinny’s like oh okay bummer ig but then like four weeks later prue shows up not remotely at her regular time with a camera bag slung over her shoulder and jinny’s like ??!!! okay spill and prue talks about how she quit her job at the auction house and is finally pursuing her dreams of photography and how liberated she feels blah blah blah prue & jinny talk about the concept of freedom with jinny definitely having her takes we’ll say prue has an art show with her photography and tells jinny about it jinny of course brings her girlfriend paige bc paige is also an artist they get all dolled up for the art show blah blah blah and they even like idk buy one of prue’s photos and have it in their apartment bc like again paige is an artist i think her apartment would be filled with a lot of art. paige even briefly talks with the photographer herself - what an interesting woman! and at some point in 2001 prue stops coming to the coffee shop and jinny wonders what happened to her but accepts that she’ll never really find out and doesn’t worry about it too much maybe she moved somewhere new and is taking amazing photos & living her best life. at least that’s what jinny hopes. flash forward to paige and jinny minding their own business in their apartment when piper and phoebe kick down the door like power of three spell now we need electricity come on lets go! and stop dead in their tracks bc that photo over the dining room table. where did you get that photo. and paige is like we bought it at an art show and jinny’s like yeah the artist used to get coffee at the place where i work and piper and phoebe are like that’s prue’s photo. that’s that is a photo prue took that’s her work and paige’s mind is kinda reeling bc holy shit she like. she met prue before. and she didn’t remember til now but she met her and they talked about their favorite artistic inspirations and the studio where they were both taking self defense classes at at the time and she had talked she had met prue before. prue had liked her. she had met her sister.

[hopelesstvaddict]

Jon and Sansa's relationship is fragile because of Jon's insecurities

[So we're back. Instead of full reviews I think I'm just gonna write about specific subjects that make me pause and think, more than the general episodes]

So we've been treated with Jon's return to Winterfell and his rocky relationship with Sansa resumes. Again. Ain't this old by now ? Perhaps not.

Jon and Sansa are at their most affectionate when it comes to hugs but this second time, Sansa keeps focused on what's important. I don't really understand why Jon would take issue with Sansa speaking up at the council in the Great Hall; she brought up very valid points. Saving the world is important of course but people tend to forget what needs to happen behind the scenes in order to ensure that. I think I'm not alone in this but I also wondered why she didn't take into account Dany's army when preparing all the food storing. While that can be blamed on sloppy writing and it's fair to say that she could have at least entertained the idea, it's also fair to remember that Jon's main idea was first to mine dragonglass and then try to convince Dany to help them. Sansa was not convinced he would succeed; in her mind, Dany would only care about her throne. So far she's not proven entirely wrong. And we also have to remember that Jon didn't send any message to her for a long time and certainly not before he knelt. Probably the last scroll she got was something like 'Hey I'm ok' and then next thing she knew he had bent the knee. So by this time it was already too late to gather whatever food was necessary. Plus I think it's safe to say the entire North brought what food was available FOR THE NORTH ONLY. Obviously there wasn't much and in any case, even if she had been warned she'd have to feed many more, there wouldn't have been enough. Sansa takes care of all this, and all the political stuff - things that both Jon and Dany do not care about and have little regard for. Jon still doesn’t quite realize how much he needs Sansa to handle all of this because he doesn’t realize how important it is. Yet.

The scene that stood out the most takes place during Jon and Arya's reunion in which Jon tries to dismiss Sansa. Live reaction: Ok so we're back to this 'Jon-putting-down-his-sister' nonsense? At first view, it's quite infuriating to see Jon acting this way and it's hard to believe these two ever found a way to unite and effing retake Winterfell. But once you stop and think about it, this little exchange yields so much to analyze.

As many pointed out, Jon likely tries to revert to a childhood joke he shared with Arya when they were younger and used to diss their sister together. Fair point. Siblings often side against one another. But that shows several things. Jon has been away from Arya all series long and he doesn't realize yet that she's not his little baby sister anymore. His conversation about Needle further proves the point. In any case, Arya is having none of it and supports Sansa. We're all here for this.

Here Jon seemingly tries to diminish Sansa's intelligence. But he knows that she really IS smarter than everyone else. He knows it. So I think part of what's going on here is that Jon works as the embodiment of the last part of the general audience who still thinks that Sansa is useless and this scene was written for Arya - a known fan favorite - to dismiss this and assert her support of Sansa - to really drive home this idea. The scene with Tyrion (another fan favorite) serves a similar purpose.

Narratively, beyond Jon dismissing Sansa yet again, this reads as another instance where it's more about Jon than it is about Sansa. Several times Jon has confronted Sansa about her asserted cleverness - and all those times, she's been right - and each time it boiled down to Jon's lack of self-confidence and the need to prove himself to his sister. When she told him that Ramsey was more devious than what he thought, his first reaction was to boast about his military achievements. When she told him to be smarter than Robb and their father, his reaction was to half-jokingly dismiss her offer of counsel. This essentially is a version of him saying 'Yeah she's smart but so am I and I wish she saw it too'

This ties closely with the rest of the exchange where Arya tells him that Sansa is defending the family. Pay attention to what Jon says next - specifically the choice of phrasing it.

There is so much to draw from that line. He doesn't say 'She's my family too' or 'she's our family' or 'I'm your family too'. His choice of words means 'I, Jon, am part of Sansa's family too'. That singles out Sansa as Jon's focus for discontent. He could have said 'I'm your family' or just 'I'm family too' and that would have included Bran and Arya as well. But no, Sansa alone is who Jon focuses on. This shows that he still has some unresolved issues with her - even after all that happened between them. After two seasons of her repeatingly validating him, her saying out loud 'You're a Stark to me' he still doubts HER in particular

Perhaps that boils down to her behavior towards him when they were children since this comes up again later. A seemingly random bit of conversation but one can't help but wonder why this was brought up again. Jon and Sansa weren't close growing up and Jon is a deeply insecure person, being a bastard and all that and it's understandable that he would have a hard time letting go of all these presumptions when they all but defined his childhood. She was the sole of his siblings to make him feel like he didn't have a real place in the family (to make it very simple), hence why he doesn't have a problem with Arya or Bran. Yet.

But how can Sansa change that ? A girl can repeat her support for him so much and reassure him all the time but really it's up to Jon to get past childish jabbing and accept the woman his sister has become and that she's genuine in her concern towards him. That she's changed.

'I'm her family too' is another way of saying 'I'm part of her family too so why is she always antagonizing me/fighting me/disagreeing with me?' Jon still thinks Sansa doesn't consider him family and she's the last one not to in his mind.

The choice of words also emphasizes the 'I'. Rather than say 'she' and put focus on Sansa alone, the use of 'I' brings the sentence back to Jon and puts the spotlight on him as well. 'I am part of her family too'. As if he's saying it out loud and repeating it so that perhaps his thick brain will finally accept it. This is a clever exchange that foreshadows the existential/identity crisis that he's going to go through no later than before the end of the episode. Which renders Arya's 'Don't forget that' quite unsubtle. This will be Jon’s final storyline, the resolution of the one problem that defined him at the beginning of the story.

This need to gain Sansa's approval is driven further in the scene the two of them share later on (another candlelit setting). We have yet to see Jon interact with Bran or Arya but Jon is decidedly different with Sansa. Perhaps that's because they're the eldest. Perhaps that's because they're closer in age. Perhaps that's because they are the leaders of their House. Perhaps that's because they went to war together. In any case, Jon is wary, unsure and insecure about how she feels about him. He doesn’t look to Sansa the way he affectionately looks to Arya or Bran. A smile is rare when he interacts with Sansa. He yells, they don't see eye to eye, he feels like she belittles him, he feels hurt and at the end of it, this :

This is him asking her for reassurance. Asking for a clear answer. 'Please trust me. Please tell me that you support me'. He craves her validation. After he all but dismissed her in front of Arya. Why go see her? Why take her intel so close to his heart then ?

To which she responds 'You know I do'. Two things to take from this. First, once again she reassures him and reasserts her support and loyalty to him. Second, 'YOU KNOW I do' means 'you already know the answer'. This shows that in her mind, Jon should ALREADY know that he has acquired her undying support - probably against her better judgement. Newsflash : he doesn’t.

Can we stop now for a second and breathe a sigh of relief that Sansa has grown confident enough to be sure of who she is and not question Jon's lack of faith in her ? Thank the Gods one of them has their shit together because if she were like him, this wouldn't go anywhere.

It's possible that her not lashing out at him and instead adopting this quiet, sad behavior is also the manifestation of her own fear towards him - that he effectively abandoned her. For all the tough 'no one can protect me' behavior, anyone is going to be touched to have someone pledge to protect them.

Anyway, Sansa trusts Jon but he doesn't. It's quite interesting that he was the one asking for mutual trust before and yet he is the one in the end who can't totally do it because in his heart, he is still deeply insecure about her. Sure there were some steps made. Ensuring the safety of the North and entrusting her with it was a huge improvement. But still, we see that on a personal level he is quite not there.

The obvious question then is WHY. Why is he still insecure ? And why Sansa in particular ? The beginning of an answer can be found in the relationship he had with her while they were children and how it compares to Arya and Bran. Maybe that's just remnants of that strained relationship.

But if Sansa has changed and for the better and Jon still struggles to accept it, let's just hope that a similar situation doesn't arise with Arya and Bran. Let's rule out the latter since he's all about the zen attitude but we've already seen that Arya is not Jon's Arya anymore and that she will stand beside Sansa when needed. For now, Jon has no reason to doubt Arya like he does Sansa. When the reveal about his parentage comes out, how will Sansa and Arya react ? If he can't handle the thought of one sister seemingly doubting him, what's it going to be if it's two sisters ?

All of this insecurity regarding Sansa - for now - is at least partly in preparation of the drama that is sure to unfold in the next weeks. Jon fears that Sansa doesn't see him as family and now, he has even more reason to be afraid. All the drama that has happened between them for seasons boils down to this deep fear of not being accepted by her and now we're in for the culmination. There will be a lot of fighting, we’re told. Jon will sulk and convince himself that he was right in the end, that he wasn't part of the family and more so, that SHE was right not to accept him. Sansa on the other hand, I suspect, will mainly fight to make him accept once and for all that he is a Stark. That's the passionate fight for her this season. To make her family complete.

Another interesting thing to note - as others have observed - is that the conversation is left unfinished.

Sansa asks if Jon loves Dany and he doesn't respond. Once again, Sansa demonstrates - to us and to Jon - how perceptive she is, how well she can read people, and him specifically. As of now, Jon’s relationship with Dany is still a secret and yet she has figured it out.

What's really notable is that this is a pattern in a lot of Sansa/Jon conversations, specifically the ones where they argue in private. Compare this one to the tent scene in 6x09 or the one in 7x01 right after the council or even in 6x07 when they argue about the men they have. We have Sansa and Jon arguing heatedly then the conversation tones down to soft, sad voices and then it ends before resolution can happen, either because they choose to end it there, someone else interrupts or we simply are denied to see it.

Sansa and Jon have been arguing ever since they reunited. Every season they were pitted against each other as the siblings who fought. Now in the final season, it's still brought up and used in the narrative. Meaning that it means something, that it's important to the story. We saw that Arya and Sansa fought in Season 7. It was tied to their old bickering from childhood and ultimately it was resolved and now Arya stands by her sister. Narratively, a conflict plaguing characters has to be resolved when the story comes to its conclusion. Sansa and Jon’s storyline has been going on since Season 6 now, so their relationship HAS TO come to a resolution, one way or another. And it'll be all about Jon finally accepting that he is a Stark and about him accepting that Sansa has accepted it.