#they cannot be forgiven for what they've done but they can move on from the past and do different in the future

[ruvviks]

PLEASE DO NOT TAG AS YOUR OWN OC OR PAIRING.

Nathan and Ruben share a bond more powerful than most; mutual understanding through past experiences no one should ever have to go through, and through past actions so horrible they cannot be spoken of. Their grief and the blood on their hands binds them to the STEM technology they created, which has alienated them from the rest of the world— but they give each other the comfort they have both longed for so desperately for years, and that is all they need. They are each other's counterpart; you cannot imagine one without the other, like two sides of the same coin. Through their pain, their grief, their desire, and their regret, they have become one.

anna akhmatova, the guest // bones; equinox // 'i won't become' by kim jakobsson // agustín gómez-arcos, the carnivorous lamb // by oxy // achilles come down; gang of youths // czeslaw milosz, from 'new and collected poems: 1931-2001' // 'extended ambience portrait from a resonant biostructure' and 'migraine tenfold times ten' by daniel vega // a little death; the neighbourhood // marina tsvetaeva, from 'poem of the end' // by drummnist // katie maria, winter // 'nocturne in black and gold the falling rocket' by james abbott mcneill whistler // micah nemerever, these violent delights // body language; we are fury // 'the penitent' by emil melmoth // chelsea dingman, from 'of those who can't afford to be gentle'

taglist (opt in/out)

@shellibisshe, @florbelles, @ncytiri, @hibernationsuit, @stars-of-the-heart;

@lestatlioncunt, @katsigian, @radioactiveshitstorm, @estevnys, @adelaidedrubman;

@celticwoman, @rindemption, @carlosoliveiraa, @noirapocalypto, @dickytwister;

@killerspinal, @euryalex, @ri-a-rose, @velocitic, @thedeadthree

[spop-romanticizes-abuse]

so i just found some old interviews of spop, especially ones after the finale, and i just wanted to dissect some of the interesting parts:

the crew themselves keep reinforcing the idea that only catra saw adora for who she is, when the show itself says otherwise multiple times. catra, who mocked adora for never being a true hero, who kept hurting adora because she resented her for being she-ra, who kept saying that adora has a hero complex and that she is full of herself. that catra “motivated and inspired” adora?

“i wanted their romance to be the central arc”

this explains everything. the fact that they took an existing show with an intriguing fantasy world and so much potential and then reduced it to “cute lesbians kiss haha”. if you're gonna write a show about romance, do that. you don't have to butcher an already existing series for that.

“it reveals how that arc has been built”

what arc? is the arc we're talking about in the same room as us? because from what i can see, they put in zero effort to make c//a's development even halfway coherent. catgirl tortures hero for four seasons, gets saved by said hero and joins the good guys, continues torturing hero. how is that an arc?

so.. they have the right idea here. catra and adora did indeed need to take their time away from each other and deal with their problems. but did they? adora came close to building her self-esteem and realizing that she didn't have to take responsibility for everything around her. but then all that was reversed in s5 when she was forced into a relationship with the same person who ruined her sense of self-worth in the first place.

catra.. doesn't even try. the closest she got to moving on from her past was during her time in the crimson waste but then she ends up spiralling even deeper into toxicity, adding more and more into her list of crimes. in s5, she is shown to reflect on her relationship with adora but does she learn anything from it? nope. she continues abusing and berating adora, she continues giving adora mixed signals and relying on adora to do all the work in the relationship.

so the crew seemingly had the right idea (although i'd say they still shouldn't get into a relationship, even after they've worked on their issues) but never followed through. instead they gave us a lazy and rushed redemption, where the wrongdoer never works on their flaws and instead puts all the blame on their partner. amazing.

so nate himself admits that not all of catra's actions were justified. but then, why does the show try to justify them? why does the show justify catra abusing adora by implying that it's because adora abandoned her? why does the show justify all of catra's toxic and abusive behaviour by blaming it solely on shadow weaver? if catra's actions cannot be justified, the narrative should keep her accountable, which they don't.

secondly, i'll try not to assume the worst of nate's personality from what he said, and just get to the important part.

“It's other people's decision to forgive you, that's not a given, but also there are ways for you to fix what's broken. You have to work hard to prove yourself again, you have to actually actively fix what's done, it's not as simple as a sacrifice.”

i'm so confused. the way nate says it, you'd think he applied all of this to catra's arc. but he didn't. “it's not as simple as a sacrifice” but a sacrifice was all it took for catra to be forgiven by her victims. she doesn't work on herself, her apologies were shallow, and she continues repeating the same mistakes. “it's other people's decision to forgive you” yet every single character forgives catra immediately and none of them are allowed to stay mad at her.

how could you write such a bad redemption and then talk about it as if it had all the details and nuance it was lacking? again, when speaking, nate seems to have the right idea of how to write a redemption arc. why did they fumble so badly when it came to actually executing it in the story? the only answer i can think of is that none of the writers in the crew are good at writing.

[kozykricket]

deltarune ramblings. spoiler warning

yknow, with all the stuff around the prophecy... defying fate... i think i understand what deltarunes trying to say a lot more, now. the whole "only one ending' thing alludes to... well, the prophecy. the in-universe One Ending that is right there on the script. perhaps a different take on this whole "what if you could change fate?" is what inspired undertales main Thing, even!

but like. it makes the "your choices dont matter" messaging make so much more sense. its not just about control between us and kris, but its between... the prophecy and the people that are part of it. heck, i think its reasonable to assume now that the shadow crystals probably... had to do with the prophecy, giving glimpses into that pre-determined-fate. naturally, gerson, who has made himself clearly a metaphor/symbol of finding your own way instead of following some set path... is one who declines the shadow crystal that he is given.

but like, yadda yadda brain went on a big train i was thinking. hm. how will deltarune end?

and yknow, randomly, i just started thinking about... well.... after chapter 5, supposedly the prophecy ends. we'll pick up the pen ourselves- or... the 3 heroes will, i should say. go beyond their destiny, into something new. i think they've already deviated a lot, i mean heck susie doesnt wear ribbons! but like okay. what happens after the prophecys end? i... will they either reach the end and continue beyond it, or stretch it so hard that it doesnt get to reach the prophecised conclusion, and thus takes longer to reach the "true end" ...also, in regards to the prophecy of "the angel, banished, will meet its desire" ...thats totally gotta refer to us, the angel, wanting to see how the game ends, right? thats the desire? i think thats the desire. its a desire that toby fox / gaster has, too. but its one that we have. and, if toby is to believe in us as nice players... then well. our desire is to see everyone happy, right? i 100% think the story ends with our banishment, as the final way for peace. not that thats the Last Prophecy, though. whatever that is... was clearly something fairly personal to susie. i dont think she'd give a damn about the angel.

its all very curious, but... anyways. that concludes some deltarune ramblings

okay, time for thoughts BEYOND deltarune:

anyways, that kinda stuff also got me thinking about... yknow, i think it'd be. separately interesting. to see more pieces of media delve into "what happens after a story ends? after the world is restored to peace? after the heroes win?" like i saw an interesting video, once, and... it was a deep topic about... "Endings" in peoples lives, like criminals, and how ... like. how does life go on for them? i think it'd be interesting to see that in a game. a game where you follow the story of a villain, after they've... well. fulfilled their part in the story, and they've been defeated. what happens next? how do they ... continue a life for themselves? how can they, considering what they've done? when is it right to? what can and cannot be forgiven?

and... also, i think a lot of stories of the kind of "good guys defeat bad guy" in general tend to end on "and so everything was peaceful again, and yet no one knew that any of that happened. we pretended it never happened, or moved on quickly" but i ... really wanna see more stories that really, really go into the aftermath!!! what happens when theres no more Bad Guy to be fighting after. how does the world climb back up from near-destruction? not just what do the heroes do after it all, but... how is the rest of the world effected? do they really just go "well, that happened. anyways" but also, what of the heroes? of the good guys? are their deeds known? what of the eldritch chaos or evil monsters that were defeated... are those things KNOWN about, or is the knowledge of them having ever existed... just left to be forgotten ... as it perhaps should be. i dunno, i think it'd be neat to see a Normal World where people are alive who experienced those absolutely abnormal things. like in deltarunes case uh. people who literally saw titans, saw the roaring, and thus believe susie when she says "yeah i killed a titan once, with your dead father, alvin" but ah, i dont expect smth like that lmao. its certainly not a BAD thing to end stories on a note of "mm, lets keep this to ourselves, alright? lets close that chaotic chapter, and get back to normal" ...but it'd be cool to see some more games end like that. getting to see people believe that such a grand journey happened, as opposed to just. not knowing there was one but ah, i dont think that'd fit deltarune. i think the end of deltarune... will ultimately have it be a little secret between the dreemurr and holiday families, at most. a story to look back on. who says anyone needs to know the DELTA WARRIORS saved the world or anything? all we need... is friendship, and peace

[atherix]

For the trope rating/ask thing:

Matyr or death as redemption

Sparks I fucking love you <3 Rant ahead, warningggg

F. So hard F. 9 times out of 10 it's a cheap trope that's treated like a get-out-of-jail-free card, where just because this person sacrificed themselves they get forgiven- EVEN THOUGH THEY'RE USUALLY THE REASON IT WAS HAPPENING IN THE FIRST PLACE??? IT'S THE CONSEQUENCES OF THEIR OWN ACTIONS??? AND NOW THEY DON'T ACTUALLY GET THE TIME TO REFLECT AND ACTUALLY MAKE CHANGES TO BECOME A BETTER PERSON?!?!

Imagine fucking Avatar if Zuko had a change of heart AND THEN THREW HIMSELF BETWEEN AANG AND AZULA AND COULDN'T BE SAVED. WOULD THAT HAVE BEEN SATISFYING?! IT DOESN'T CHANGE ANYTHING HE FUCKING DID, HE DOESN'T ACTUALLY GET TO STRIVE TO BE BETTER OR HEAL FROM THE PAST OR MAKE AMENDS. Was Jet's death satisfying?! Does it make you feel BETTER about his character?! Does it make any of his actions in the past okay?! NO. (and yes, I'm aware even after death Jet was not forgiven by everyone, namely Katara, BUT it was a form of this trope and no one can deny it, and it's at least acknowledged that his death doesn't change what he did or make it okay.)

I hate this trope so much. I will be surprised if I ever see anyone use it well. I literally cannot use any fanfics as an example because the minute I see it coming I nope out. There are SO SO SO MANY media examples, and I hate it so much. Sorry, honey, just because you die to save the others does not absolve you of EVERY CRIME AGAINST THEM YOU COMMITTED IN THE PAST.

If you're gonna redeem characters, GIVE THEM A CHANCE TO REDEEM THEMSELVES. Let them LEARN. LET THEM GROW. Let them atone for their mistakes, let them apologize and mean it, let them BECOME better people, let them live with the guilt and knowledge of what they have done and let them heal from it.

Death=Redemption is a cheap trope and I stand by that, it takes away all the needed effort that comes with redemption because no one wants to speak ill of the dead. I say let them live with it and grow from it- that's what real redemption is.

And forgiveness is not needed for redemption. Not everyone has to forgive them for what they've done for them to become better people and move on. COME ON.

Anyway. Rant over. Death=Redemption is a cheap fucking trope and you will NEVER see it in my writing. Let the fuckers die evil or let them live to atone and grow and learn to forgive themselves.

That's all, there we go, thanks for letting me rant <3

Send me a trope and I'll rate it!

[thewritingcoroner]

I feel as though a big chunk of redemption arc discourse is completely missed because we call it "redemption." like we live in such a punitive society in which bad behavior must be punished before it can be "forgiven" (we'll let a more experienced person talk about the Christianity in that) and thus the "bad person" can be liked only after they've undergone punishment and then forgiveness from both the fictional characters theyve wronged and the audience.

But I look at my personal experience with bad behavior. Both others and my own. And whenever I've done something wrong, whether intentionally or not, though usually not, I've been punished for it before I could possibly be forgiven, even if I apologize and move myself on. I cannot be allowed to move on until I've sufficiently groveled, sufficiently begged, sufficiently suffered.

So in The Salvation Experiment I really want to explore that. Why do we need to suffer before we can be forgiven? And why do we need to be forgiven to be loved?

I say this because I don't want to suffer to be forgiven. If that's what's required I don't want to be fuckin forgiven. I just want to be loved.

When we talk stories though, it's the same kind of deal. The bad guy has to suffer, not just the natural consequences of their actions, but more than that, often they have to become a victim themselves (if they weren't already, which we can get into that later) of bad behavior before they can move forward with their own positive growth.

Then they have to apologize and gain forgiveness. The apology I think is an important step. That's not asking for forgiveness though, that's acknowledging wrongdoing and promising to move forward differently. Forgiveness means that the bad guy has to rely on others for their personal growth, and personally I think that's enabling more bad behavior. Why must the bad guy be forgiven to be allowed to grow and change?

And that's on a textual level between fictional characters. But redemption arc discourse gets so mixed up when we look at redemption within the text, and redemption in the eyes of the audience.

Why do we as an audience require suffering, sometimes death, just to forgive a character that never wronged us? This feels very much like a reflection of our society's understanding of justice. There cannot be justice without suffering. There cannot be healing without harm on the evil doer. Justice and harm are so intertwined that we rely on Christian interpretations of justice and redemption as shorthand for our own personal thinking.

What I want to explore, and what I want to see more of, are redemption arc that are not about redemption. It's such a Christian viewpoint that a bad actor must be redeemed (through suffering and then forgiveness) to become good and deserve happiness and love. I want to see a villain/bad actor make a change for the better, heal harm that can be healed, and instead of suffering under the weight of their guilt and punishing themselves or submitting to the punishment of others, they simply move forward. Are we not all entitled to growth? Are we not all entitled to change? If we must thrust the villains arc upon the victim for forgiveness in order to complete the arc, then are we not taking away the victim's agency to grow on their own? The right to disregard the villain as an actor in their story any longer is critical to showing that a victim is not a victim forever, the victim is never responsible for the villains actions, so why are they responsible for the villains growth as well?

Truthfully, I find the redemption arc discourse exhausting, not because people disagree. But because it becomes so christ-centric. It becomes so punitive, vs what rehabilitation is about. Down with the redemption arc, enter the rehabilitation arc.

[nikethestatue]

Sooo I’ve seen a lot of “Tamlin apologist” hate posts recently 😬 and while I agree that I would never ship anyone with him, let alone Elain, I also feel like the message that people who have done bad things cannot heal, be regretful, get better, or find love in the future is harmful (of course, this can be very nuanced as it’s a complex topic, but that’d be a lot to dive into rn).

I think about those struggling with various addictions. People who unfortunately made bad choices because of it and hurt others (physically, emotionally, etc.). I think about mothers going through postpartum depression and possibly make harmful choices that hurt those around them. I think about those with depression or PTSD that do the same. And I would never necessarily wish these people unwell. I would never look at them and say they don’t deserve to receive help, healing, and future happiness. That’s not to say they deserve the *forgiveness* of those they harmed or others, but I think they can still heal and deserve a chance to find their own happiness (or at least, that’s what I currently think).

I also always think of characters like Zuko in ATLA who made a LOT of bad choices and definitely hurt others, but had one of the BEST and most BELOVED redemption arcs in television history.

I just feel like we preach about not saying someone “deserves” love/happiness more than others, but then turn around and rip people to shreds for saying they would want to see a Tamlin redemption arc. And that’s not to say he needs Feyre’s, or anyone else’s forgiveness per se, but that he has his own unique healing journey to be had. People are complex beings, and to say we hope he does better and reflects on his past actions while working towards his own happiness isn’t being an “abuser apologist” imo. Idk…it’s not even that I think it’ll even happen or that I strongly WANT it to happen, I just find the strong negative reaction towards the suggestion weird sometimes…

Sorry for the ramble, what are your thoughts?

this is, of course, is a very complex question--but I think that forgiveness and redemption are two different things.

Can everyone strive, on a personal level, to be redeemed for the wrongs that they've done? Sure.

Can every wrong be corrected? Absolutely NOT.

I think the issue is that both of these concepts--redemption and forgiveness--are very deeply steeped in the Christian tradition and beliefs. Which, frankly, not everyone adheres to. In turn, there is this need to either justify or in some ways, lessen, the hurt and pain and injury that some people inflict on others, because of this concept. I think it's a dangerous road, if I am being honest.

I think that's why so many tend to rush and forgive abusers--think domestic abuse--or justify it (she had a bad attitude, she didn't listen, she talked back, she should've been quiet, etc.) Same, for example goes for sexual assault--men being forgiven for rape, because 'he is from a nice family' or 'she was drunk' or 'she shouldn't dress like that' --we all know the drill.

So, should Tamlin be forgiven? It's up to those whom he harmed--Rhys and Feyre, and others. If Lucien wants to forgive him, it's his prerogative. Can Rhys TRULY forgive him for the murder of his mother and his sister, I doubt it. As we know, we can all learn to live with things, but that doesn't equate 'forgiveness'. With Tamlin himself--can he strive to make better choices? care for his people, his land, and his Court--he should, as a responsible HL. But that's doing the bare minimum. At most, he can recognize his own mistakes, understand how his actions impacted the world around him, maybe learn from them, and then move on. But can you truly atone for mentally and physically abusing your best friend? My personal view is no. But I am sure others may say 'yes'.

I think we also need to be careful about the reasons as to why we want him to be redeemed and forgiven. Because if people cannot forgive Elain for not planting vegetables and wishing her death, and yet they are okay with Tamlin getting all the redemption and forgiveness, then it's a problem.

[hello-nichya-here]

Motherfucker has some Lily Orchard levels of bad takes. "If you show a villain having a shred of humanity, or worse, have them become better people and be forgiven by those they've hurt in the past, you're an abuser/racist/misogynist/insert other term that doesn't apply here." Because, ya know, pretending everyone who has ever done something bad isn't just a monster that looks human is somehow more "mature and realistic" than admiting that they are human beings, but they CHOSE to do bad things and not show compassion despite being capable of feeling it.

The simple fact that they claim said arcs are based on the FANTASY that people could learn from their mistakes and that it is "preachy" for a story to remind the audience "No matter how bad of a person you are, you can always CHOOSE to do better. It's literally only up to you. Just admit you fucked up, apologize, then try not to repeat the same mistakes" is very telling. Sorry if you don't ever grow the fuck up, buddy, but that's not something that is inherent to every single human being.

And their complaint of "Oh, it makes Westerns comfortable" and it "You could see where it was going from his first scene" (like a coherent narrative and proper set up is bad) makes me imagine they'd be the kind of dumbass to cheer for the awful ending of Game Of Thrones because it went "THE NICE WHITE LADY THAT SAID SHE WANTED TO SAVE THE OPPRESSED WAS EVIL ALL ALONG!" while ignoring that the build up to that moment was shit because the showrunners cared more about a bait and switch than about making sense. A tried-tested formula might be cliche, but cliche is always better than "Lets throw logic out the window just to go FUCK YOU, WE'RE NOT FOLLOWING THE RULES THAT LITERALLY NO ONE IS ENFORCING!"

And yeah, the NERVE of complaining about the supposed "childish" writting of a CHILDREN'S SHOW, while proving that the writting was actually too mature and subtle for them to follow.

The show literally holds the audience's hand and shows us Fire Nation kids being indoctrinated from a very young age to not express themselves, to worship the Fire Lord, and to see foreigners as the enemy. We are shown how their history books are literally lying about the Air Nomad genocide to make it look like it was a battle between equals, not a their nation attacking people that didn't even have an army to defend themselves through.

It ahas Zuko himself say "The world hates the Fire Nation and we deserve it." He was banished because he would not accept his people being using as fresh meat to bait the enemy into a trap. His speech as Fire Lord has him bring up how the war has left the world scarred - and we see how there are tons of representatives of three nations, but the airbenders only have Aang because the war ending didn't magically bring them back.

The show said "The harm the Fire Nation caused CAN'T be undone, it should NOT be forgotten - but IF they change their ways, they can peacefully coexist with the rest of the world again." It even went as far as saying "And it's okay if people don't forgive them, as long as they don't needlessly perpetuate the cycle of violence" through Katara's resolution about her mother's death.

Oh, wait, I forgot this person doesn't even BELIEVE that counted as a real resolution because it didn't end with Katara murdering a man. Funny how that works.

What does thsi fucker even want? For Zuko to die? For ALL the Fire Nation people to die? What does that accomplish? It still won't bring back all the innocents that died in the war, and even if it did it would not undo a hundred years of trauma across multiple generations.

The past cannot be undone, but it can be understood so both sides can move on - yes, even if one side was clearly 100% in the wrong and the agressor, while the other was just defending itself.

And it's so funny that it's claiming this writting is a result of "privilege." Speaking as someone from a country that has dealt with hundreds of years of colonization from Portugal and non-stop american influence from "harmless" stuff like straight up propaganda pieces all the way up to "The US literally funded a dictatorship that my parents lived through": Pretending that you can always afford to fight a country with way more resources than you just because you don't want to be buddies with them, and that you'll never be forced to choose between "Be buddies with them anyway or get brutally killed" IS SUCH A FUCKING "I'M SO PRIVILEGED" TAKE, OH MY GOD.

There's a reason Brazil is still buddies with Portugal and the US. Why most former-colonies immediately became close allies with their former colonizers the second they became independent: We got said independence because keeping us under their thumb stopped being convenient and became waste of resources for them. You take what you can get. Surviving is more important than going out in a blaze of glory that won't actually accomplish the thing you set up to do in the first place.

At least in Avatar, we are getting the message of "This nation that has done bad things should not change their ways just out of convenience, but out of actual compassion, understanding and respect for the rest of the world." It's literally saying "Sure, peace is nice, but it needs to be paired with actual change in the mentality of the former oppressor otherwise the cycle will just continue to repeat itself." It's crystal fucking clear, and if you didn't notice it, it's not because it was poorly written because you were already decided to hate on it just because it involved redeeming a bad guy.

(And it's HILARIOUS to single out racism and imperialism in the Western world, when the bad guys in the story are clearly inspired by Imperial JAPAN, that has done so many vile things that could leave tons of western empires out-matched in racism and sheer fucking cruelty. You don't side with the freaking nazis if you're not big on "We are inherently superior to everyone because of our race" and "I'm not doing something evil, I'm following orders" AND "I'm not torturing innocents, I'm conducting a scientific test")

If you're interested, I'd like to know your opinion on this take on Zuko (it's long, so suit yourself)

https://www.tumblr.com/ludiharambasha/750954004826259456/hey-so-i-saw-your-anti-atla-posts-i-was?source=share

It's worthless pseudo intellectual nonsense to sound smart and pass off 'Redemption arcs are for babies!', blatant racism and humble bragging about 'ATLA is for kiddies (yes, it's a cartoon for 10 years old) so it can't stand to any scrutiny by my super mature brain (and yet you're failing to get basic stuff a 3 year old could tell you)' as objective statements instead of subjective nonsense based on nothing concrete.

Also classic redditor bullshit of writing 5 paragraphes for something that can be said in 2 sentences. The fact that for all his monologuing, his answer to the actual ask is 'I dunno, I have no idea how I'd have wanted it to go' is quite telling.

Whoever wrote that post need to grow up because trying that hard to sound 'adult' and 'mature' basically scream 'I'm still mentally 14 and super insecure about being a 'baby''.

Thanks for the ask ^^

[ms-rampage]

Eden’s Gate: Aftermath Chapter 6 - The Man Who Sold The World

Warnings: Swearing, slight violence, some Kate and Wheaty cutensss, usage of drugs (Bliss)

Word count: 4.3k

Summary: In the penultimate chapter, Paige, Kate and Mandy finally meet face to face with Joseph Seed, but there will be bloodshed, and maybe a few sacrifices the family will have to make. 

Guest OCs: Just the usuals. 

Guest Characters: Archangel Raphael [Supernatural: mentioned], God/Chuck [mentioned], An Archangel? [read until the end]

Note: One more chapter!!! Then New Dawn begins.

*****

Another few weeks have passed, October is here and that means Fall in Montana is beautiful. The fallen leaves, the crispy cool breezes, orange, red and yellow leaves. Fall colors.

Pumpkins, hot chocolate, sweater season, blood shed, violence, and crazy fucking Cultists. 

The Winchester-Smith compound has never looked more alive. The trees on the property with their orange, and yellow leaves.

The threatening words of graffiti on the gates of the compound. Sinner. The Father. The Power of Yes. 

John Seed’s followers tried to retaliate, and avenged his death, but the Winchester family is always 10 steps ahead of them.

7:00 am. A letter arrived at their front door for the 3 females of the Winchester family that morning. From the man whom they’ve been looking for, The Father Joseph Seed himself.

Telling them to go to his church at 5:30 that evening. He didn’t say for what, or why, but they weren’t gonna let this opportunity slip.

“It’s clearly a trap” Kenny tells his wife.

“What if it isn’t?” she asks.

“Why would Joseph send you a letter telling you to go to his church?!?” Nate asks, as he pours coffee in a cup.

“I don’t know, but we’re going” Kate says.

“You two are pregnant!!” Kenny exclaims, “You aren’t going”.

“Okay! Then who else is gonna take our place?” Paige asks.

“I’ll take your place, Mandy and one of the guys can go” he replies. 

“Joseph asked us, and us only to go. We aren’t risking you two going, and probably getting killed” Kate tells him.

“What if he kills you guys?!” Mark asks.

“Remember the letter he left us? When we killed his brothers? He said that we were forgiven for all the shit we’ve done” Paige informs them.

“He could be lying!” Mark adds in.

“Joseph is telling the truth” Mandy steps in. 

They all turn around to face her, “How do you know?!?” Kenny asks.

“I spent 6 months with him. I can tell if he’s lying or not. Writing or speaking I can tell” she says.

Paige looks down at the letter, “So what do we do?!?”.

Mandy takes a deep breath, “When 5:30 comes we leave for church. Whatever happens, happens. This is where it all ends”.

They all stare at her in anticipation.

“I just got the chills when you said that” Mark mutters.

“Yeah for real” Adrian says, looking at her like she just gave him life changing news.

****

A few hours later. 

10:00 am, everyone had just eaten breakfast, Paige is feeding Cristina 2nd her morning bottle.

Kate just threw up, morning sickness and she hates it. 

She called Wheaty, and they’re gonna hang that afternoon. Not telling him about the letter from Joseph to meet at his church.

Kenny, Mark, Nate, Cody, Marty, Adrian and a few others finished putting up one of the 2 houses. Rachel is having a panic attack, knowing that Joseph knows she’s living with the Winchesters. Mandy sitting in her room, blinded by her thoughts. Wondering why Joseph wants the 3 of them to go to his church.

What could he possibly want?. What is the meaning, or purpose of this?. Is he gonna kill them? Does he want to make peace with them?. Is he gonna surrender himself? What is he gonna do?.

Paige is sitting on the front porch swing, holding Cristina while “Fade to Black” by Metallica plays on her bluetooth speaker. Humming along with the song, with Cristina falling asleep in her arms.

****

2 hours have gone by, 12:00pm.

“Things not what they used to be. Missing one inside of me. Deathly loss l, this can't be real. I cannot stand this hell I feel. Emptiness is filling me. To the point of agony. Growing darkness taking dawn. I was me, but now he's gone.”

Kenny steps outside, and sees this. A huge smile grows on his face. He takes a seat next to Paige on the swing, putting his arm around her. She leans closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder. He places a kiss on her head, rests his cheek on her head. 

Lightly swing back and forth on the swing. Little moments like this they love. They don’t need to go out to fancy restaurants every weekend, or a weekend get away for the both of them. 

Cristina falls asleep in her mothers arms, letting out soft nasal snores, making Kenny snickers at this.

“You know I still don’t like the plan” he tells her. 

“I know you don’t” she responds. They sit in silence for a moment.

“If you could guess what Joseph wants. What would you guess?” he asks.

She sighs, “I don’t know. Maybe make peace with us, or make some sort of treaty between everyone in Hope County”.

“Your mom seems to know a lot about Joseph. Like how he thinks, or what possibly goes through his head.” he tells her.

“Yeah, my mom is really good at reading people, even if she’s not trying to. It’s like a power she has. Growing up I couldn’t even lie to her, and I’m really good at lying, but she knew. She always knew. Kate takes a lot after her, they both try to see the good in people even if they don’t deserve it. I take after my dad, he didn’t trust anyone outside the family. Like if he was still alive, and all this shit that happened, like Rachel turning on the Project, he wouldn't trust her either. Even if she had a change of heart, he wouldn’t trust her at all”.

Kenny zones out as she’s talking, still being able to hear every word she says. He places his hand on her 9 in half weeks pregnant belly. 

“You think your dad would’ve liked me?” he asks, looking up at the sky.

Paige looks up at him, looking into his blue orbs and smiles “If he knew I trusted you, then he would’ve trusted you as well”.

He looks down at her, and kisses her forehead. 

Paige sighs, “My mom-” she says before getting cut off by a soft “mom” from the infant in her arms.

Her and Kenny look at each other wide eyed, then down at Cristina who is half asleep.

She picks her up, having her stand on her lap.

“Say that again” she tells the 11 month old in her hands, “Say mom”.

“Say mama” she tells her again, “Say mama”.

“Say dadda” he jumps in.

Paige glares at him, “This is my moment”.

“Say mama” she tells her again slowly.

“Mama” Cristina mutters her first word, very softly that it sounds like a mumble.

Paige gasps loudly, her eyes widened “She just- she. She said mama. She said her first word!!!”. She gets up from the swing, and goes inside the house.

“Mom!!!” she calls out as she goes inside.

*****

Kate went on her date with Wheaty. She wanted to go hunting, but since she’s 7 in half weeks pregnant, they changed their date plans. They decided to go to the camping spot where they first met a few years back.

“It looks the same” she jokes.

“Camping spots usually never change” he replies. They sit near the water, on some boulders. 

“So how’s the pregnancy?” he asks.

She looks down at her belly, chuckling “I threw up this morning. I’m peeing a lot but my mom and sister said that's normal, other than that it’s going pretty good”. 

“Thought of any names?” he asks, putting his arm around her. 

She thinks about it for a brief moment, “If it’s a boy his name would be either Gabriel Joel Eddard, or Samuel Dean Rhaegar. For a girl Daenerys Arya Brienne, or Lyanna Pamela Cersei”.

“What is up with you and these Game of Thrones names?!” he laughs, kissing the side of her head. 

“They’re nice names!. It’ll give them character, plus Pamela isn’t a name from Game of Thrones, and neither is Samuel, Dean, Gabriel and Joel” she laughs. 

“Don’t be surprised if little Daenerys asks for a dragon, or 3 for her birthday, or an Iron Throne” he jokes. 

“And if she does I’ll be very happy about it, and I’ll get her a stuffed dragon. One of those giant plush ones that are like 5-6 feet tall”.

They talked, they laughed, they made out. They enjoyed their time together, holding her in his arms as they watched the lake. Watching the boats, and jet skies go by.

Even the subject of marriage and kids came up on their date. Even though they've started dating back in August but have known each other over 2 years. 

She starts reminiscing back when they first met. She still remembers that night very clearly. She still has the photos. 

"I still remember that day when we first met" she tells him.

A smile appears on his face, "Yeah me too". 

"I never had a crush on anyone until I met you" he tells her. She looks up at him. 

"Really?" she asks. He nods his head, she moves closer into his arms. Enjoying every single moment of it. 

Kate knows this might be the last time her and Wheaty ever hang out again. Their last date together, and they don’t know it.

Resting her head against his shoulder as they sit by the lake. His arms wrapped around her. 

"Also I wanted to give you this" he says, getting something out of his pants pocket. He pulls out a bracelet, similar to the ones he wears and puts it on her wrist. She smiles as he puts it on her, holding her hand in his. She looks up at him, and kisses him.

***

4:15 pm Kate is still on her date with Wheaty. Her sister and mother prepare themselves as they wait for her.

“Where is she?!” Paige asks, getting annoyed.

“We still have a whole hour” Mandy tells her, “She’ll be back. Soon hopefully”.

15 minutes later Kate pulls into the driveway. 

She enters the house, “It’s about time you show up” Paige tells her.

“Well sorry!” she responds sarcastically, “I had a date with Wheaty, and I wanted to see him before we’re killed!”.

“We’re not gonna get killed” Mandy steps in, “Because we’re not going”.

They all look over at her in confusion. Mandy was having 2nd thoughts about confronting Joseph, and she made the decision not to go to the church.

“What do you mean we’re not going?!?” Paige questions her, “You literally said a few seconds ago that we’re going. Implied it”.

“We’re not going. We’re not gonna give Joseph what he wants” she tells them. 

“Mom?!” Kate mutters in disbelief and confusion.

Paige scoffs, shaking her head “Mom, this is our only chance. To get rid of Joseph. Put an end to the Cult, and kill whoever is left”.  

Everyone, Paige, Kate, Kenny, Adrian, Martin, Cody, Mark, Nate, Barbara, Rachel, and everyone else in the house look at Mandy. About 30, plus, eyes staring back at her. 

“We’re not going” she tells them, “I don’t care what Joseph wants. We’re not going”.

Paige, scoffs at her mother, “Why?. Why the change of heart all of a sudden?!?”.

Mandy glares at her eldest child, and says “You wouldn’t understand”.

Kate stops her older sister from doing or saying anything else to their mom. 

She still plans to go and confront Joseph. All the damage, pain. suffering and bloodshed he had caused. It’ll all end that evening, nothing will stop Paige from ending The Father. 

5:20 rolls around, Kate and Mandy have no intentions of leaving for church. 

The youngest Winchester thinks they should go.

“Mom?” she asks.

“We’re not going Katella” she says, not looking up at her youngest daughter. 

Paige comes downstairs, and is immediately out the door, and goes to the Impala. 

“Paige?!?” Kate exclaims, going after her. Too late she’s already driving like a maniac off of the property. Leaving behind a cloud of dirt.

“Son of bitch!!” she mutters, “She’s going after Joseph”.

They grab the keys to the Monte Carlo, and drive after Paige who is probably already at the church.

**** 

Church of Eden’s Gate

Paige enters the compound, breaking down the front gate with the car. She stops the car, exits it. Pistol ready in her holster. A few peggies on the property staring at her. She ignores them, she’s there for Joseph. She’ll handle the hillbillies later.

“Joseph!!!” she shouts his name, echoing in the sky “Joseph!!!”. 

Approaching the church, the man himself Joseph Seed steps out. She stares at him intensely. He looks up at the sky, closes his eyes and says, “And the lamb broke the 5th seal, and I saw under the altar the souls of Martyrs. Slain because of the Word of God”.

Pointing to Paige, “You. You turned my sister. You poisoned her mind with your wretched words”.

She pulls her pistol out of its holster and aims at him, “I didn’t change her. She finally saw your monstrous ways. She changed on her own”.

“Lies” he hisses, “Your disgusting words against God, and his word”. 

She turns off the safety on her pistol, “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t kill you right here. Right now”. Her voice filled with anger, and violent intentions. 

He walks around her, she follows his movements. Gun still aimed at him. 

“I told you. Your mother. I told you that we were living in a world on the brink. Where every slight. Every injustice. Where every choice reveals our sins”.

Paige narrows her eyes at him, her pistol still aimed at him, not lowering it once. 

“And where have those sins led us?, Where have those sins led you?”. 

The sound of tires screeching, breaks Paige’s concentration, she turns her head and sees her sister's car drive on the property.

Kate and Mandy get out. “Paige don’t!!!” Mandy exclaims, running towards her. 

She turns back to Joseph, and aims her gun at him again. 

“Paige what are you doing?!?!” Kate exclaims.

“What does it look like I’m doing??!” she replies sarcastically, “I’m ending it all”. 

Joseph stares at Mandy, “Paige, you can’t do this” she pleads.

“Uhh, sure I can” she replies back. Rolling her eyes. 

Mandy gets in between the gun and Joseph. “No, I mean you can’t kill him”.

Lowering her gun, glaring at her mother, “What are you talking about?!?”.

Before she could explain herself, Joseph speaks up. 

“Mandeline”, his voice so calm that it sends shivers up her spine. Giving her goosebumps. 

She closes her eyes, sadness and shame written all over her face. She turns to face him. Her eyes meeting his. He stares at her with so much intensity that you can almost feel the anger radiating off of him, and the fear radiating off of her. 

“You betrayed me, my family, my flock, and God. You dare to show yourself to me” he tells her, slowly approaching her. 

“Joseph, I’m sorry, but I had no choice. I couldn’t stand by and watch everything happen” she explains to him.

He points at her, “You turn my family into Martyrs. And I plan to do the same with yours”. He walks around them, and they see their friends Mary May, Nick Rye, Pastor Jerome, Grace Armstrong, Jess Black, Tracey Lader, Wheaty, and Tammy Barnes all under the influence of Bliss holding Kenny, Mark and Nate hostage. 

“Wheaty!!!!” Kate cries out, seeing her boyfriend drugged up with Bliss.

“Kenny?!?” Paige says under her breath, “How the fuck did you get to them!?!?!”. 

“Joseph let them go!!!!” Mandy yells.

He turns to her, and says, “Your friends, and family have been taken and torture, and it’s your fault. Countless people have been killed, and it is your fault. The world is on fire, and it’s your fault. Was it worth it?. Was it?”.

“You motherfucker” Paige mutters angrily, “Me killing you will fucking worth it, and I can promise you that”. 

The followers on the property gather behind the 3 Winchesters, blocking them from escaping. 

“Kenny what happened?!? Was it Rachel?!?” Paige asks.

“No!” he mutters. 

“The others are fine. They got us, Rachel took off when they showed up” Nate wheezes. 

“Paige?” Mandy mutters softly.

“Not now” she responds, “Joseph I swear you better-”

“Paige!” she yells, breaking her attention from him. 

“Mom!. Now's not the time” she tells her.

“You can’t kill him” she tells her almost in a whisper.

She looks at her, eyes furrow, “Yeah I can, he has our friends and family hostage!!”.

Mandy looks back at Joseph then back at Paige, “No I mean you can’t kill him”.

“What do you mean I can’t-” She stands in front of her once again, blocking the bullet from hitting Joseph.

“Raphael” she mutters, interrupting her. 

“Raphael?!?” Kate whispers, “The Archangel?!?”.

She nods her head, “Yes, I was told by Archangel Raphael that Joseph had to be protected, and I was the one to do it. That’s why you can’t kill him.”

Kate and Paige look at their mother in disbelief, and confusion.

“Because Chuck spoke to him” she whispers to them, “About the end. You can’t kill him because if you do everything, everyone will die. Cease to exist. The end of life as we know it”. They both glare at her with mixed emotions. 

“You knew this whole time?!?” Paige yells, “This whole time!!. If Joseph gets killed, hurt and harmed in any way. Chuck will drop a bomb on all of humanity?!?”.

“Why didn’t you tell us?!?!” Kate asks, betrayal in her voice.

“I couldn’t say anything. Raphael forbidden me from saying anything to anyone!!” she says.

Paige lowers her pistol, putting it back in her holster.

Shaking her head, “I can’t believe you. He could be playing him for all we know” she tells her.

“Let them go” she orders Joseph, pointing to Kenny, Mark and Nate. 

Joseph stares at her, “Are you deaf?!? I said let them go!!!” she orders him again.

Mandy holds her back, “Let me handle this”.

She turns to face Joseph, and pleads with him “Joseph please, let them go. We don’t want anymore bloodshed. Please let them go, and we’ll leave”.

“Wheaty too!” Kate shouts.

“You betrayed me. Betrayed God. I forgive you for what you’ve done to my family, but that I can’t forgive” he tells her, stepping close to her, “Your family will pay for what you have done”. 

The few followers grab Paige and Kate shoving them onto the ground, taking their guns and other weapons away.

“Don’t fucking touch me!!” Paige yells, struggling.

“Get off me!!” Kate shouts, fighting to be let go. 

“Joseph, it’s not their fault!!. It’s mine. Let them go, and you can deal with me” she pleads with him again.

He grabs her shoulders, “This is where it ends” he whispers to her. Tears stream down her face. 

“You peggie fuckers!!. Pieces of fucking shit!!” Paige mutters as a peggie pushes her face first into the ground. 

“Get the fuck off of her!!” Kenny yells at him.

Tears streaming down Mandy’s cheeks, if only she was honest with her family. If only she had told them the truth. All of this wouldn't have happened. Her family was gonna be killed because of her. Her own greed. 

“When are you gonna realize that every problem cannot be solved with a bullet?” he asks her. 

“It doesn’t have to end this way” she pleads with him. 

Two of his followers, grab her. Preventing her from stopping whatevers gonna happen. 

One of his Chosen has a sharp knife in hand. Almost like a miniature machete, holding it in front of her eldest child. 

“Really Joseph? You’re gonna kill two pregnant women!” Paige yells. Grabbing the Father’s attention.

He stops them, having Paige’s full attention. He looks at her with a questioning look on his face. 

“Yeah” she says, a smug look on her face “I’m pregnant. So is my sister. She’s carrying your little brother's kid. John”. 

He looks over at the youngest sister, and she nods her head. “It’s John’s kid, Joseph. You kill us, you kill your nephew/niece, but keep in mind we’ll never be family”. 

He looks up at the sky, backing away from them. His back to all of them. “Let them go” he says. They free the family of hunters, showing them all mercy. 

“Wheaty?!” Kate cries, trying to snap him out of it, “Wheaty please. It’s me, Kate”. 

She holds his face, cupping it, hoping to get him back into reality. All their friends drugged up, blind from reality. Paige grabs her arm, “Come on, we have to get out of here”. 

She resists, shaking her head “No, Wheaty please snap out of it. We have a child on the way” she cries. The Bliss has taken over his state of mind that he can’t comprehend anything.

Mark and Nate practically dragged Kate back into the car. Her, her mother and sister in the Impala, Kenny, Nate and Mark in the Monte Carlo. They all drive back to the compound.

*****

Little did they know they’re not the only ones that have had an issue with Joseph, and the Cult. The new Deputy has had their fair share of issues with the Seed family, and their followers.

Liberating their outposts and destroying their properties. Making the Seed family look like a family of psychopaths they need to be locked up. 

When Faith took off, she went to her gate and met with the Deputy. They put up a fight against her and they ended up killing her. 

Faith. Rachel would’ve been the adopted sister to the two sisters. Rachel Winchester would’ve been her name. 

****

They all arrive back at the compound. Kate in tears, Paige in shock.

The others come out, and see all their friends alive. Their children and wifes stand at the front porch. 

“Holy shit!!” Cody says relieved, “You’re all alive!!”.

They all nod, “Yeah, yeah we are” Mandy mutters. 

“Is Joseph alive?!?” Adrian asks. They all nod in disappointment, “Yeah, the fucker is still alive” Kate mutters angrily. 

“Where’s Rachel?” Kate asks them. The others shrug, “We don’t know, she fled the property when the peggies arrived”. 

“So now what?!” Mark asks, shrugging. 

Paige shakes her head “I don’t know, we’re gonna have to-”. 

As she’s speaking, it’s almost like God himself was making a huge entrance. Lighting up the entire sky. 

A bright white light blinds them all, covering their faces from the burning brightness. 

When the bright light clears, a giant mushroom-like cloud in the distance fills the sky. 

“Oh my god!!” Nate mutters in horror, “Oh my god!!”. 

A huge storm flies at them, causing the entire ground to shake violently. Making them stumble, and fall. The trees, and land go up in flames within seconds. Animals running to seek shelter. The whole sky orange, everything is a fiery orange red. 

“Shit! he was right!” Martin screams in horror, “He was right!”.

“Damn it Chuck!” Paige mumbles angrily with a hint of fear in her voice. 

Realization hitting hard, “Wheaty?, I have to get Wheaty!!” Kate yells.  

She gets stopped by her mother and brother in law, “Kate no!!”. 

“I have to go back for him!!” she cries, trying to get to her car. 

Paige tries to hold her back, “It’s too late for him!!. You’ll die if you go back!. Kenny! Adrian! Get the cars underground. Everyone else get the children, pets and go down to the bunker”. They get the cars underground to the bunker garage. They get all their kids, pets, and all go down to the bunker. 

Everyone settles underground. Fear, anger. So much emotion in one room. The distance rumbles of explosions going off, making it sound like the king of all thunderstorms is happening right above their heads. Paige looks around the main room of the bunker to see if everyone made it down. She counts everyone that was on the property. 

Herself, her daughter, Kate, Kenneth, her mother, Barbara, Mark, his wife and 2 kids, Nate, his wife and 3 kids. Cody and his wife, Martin and his fiancee, Adrian and his wife. 

“He was right” Kate mutters, playing with her bracelet, “Joseph Seed was right, and we didn’t see it coming. God, the Collapse, this sort of thing is right up our alley, and we didn’t believe him!!”.

Paige sighs in disappointment, “It’s not that we didn’t believe him. He didn't believe us, which is not surprising. It’s that he claimed that he spoke with Chuck, and for all we know. He couldn’t been played by him”.

Kate is about to say something when a fluttering sound, and a loud thud a few rooms away throws her off. 

“Did you hear that?!?” she asks the others. The others stay back while her and Paige go to investigate it. Kate then sees a single golden, brown feather on the floor.

“Hey, look a feather” she says, pointing at it. Paige, who doesn’t see it, looks at her in confusion. 

“Where?!?” she asks, looking around for it. They get to the source of the sound, and see a man with his back to them, kneeling on the floor. 

Paige pulls out her pistol, and aims at the intruder. 

They both see the same man, but Kate sees a little more. Tattered up golden, brown angelic wings. They approach the man, and stand in front of him. He lifts his head to look up at them, and they see the wounded, beaten up Archangel. 

“Gabriel?!?” Kate mutters. 

____

When the bombs fell

Not long after (The Angels fell)

[manikrege]

I reached out to the kid I bullied in school. It hurt like a bitch.

Moving places makes you realize how badly humans need closure. How hard we strive for the chapters of our lives to open & end neatly, one by one. And how much we hate cliffhangers, incomplete pages, or vague endings off the screen.

I tried to seek my closure yesterday. Because I'm moving away from the neighborhood I grew up in. Don't worry, it's nothing I'm going to miss. School sucked for me, as it did for most 'studious' kids.

Fat, nerdy, weird, and a bit on the 'girlish' side, it was like this boy entered the class wearing a cap that said, "Your new favorite target." Of course, the cool kids ganged up & left me broken. I felt all alone like a wet puppy abandoned in the rain.

So like a dog, I learned survival, the ugly way. I bit back, chewed on smaller prey. And before I knew it, became the very thing I hated the most. A bully.

Roy, let's call him that, had the same awkwardness that had made me a target. His only disadvantage was that he didn't want to fight back. This allowed me to slowly strangle him, one taunt at a time.

It started out as lame jokes that you'd expect from any teenager. Calling him "gay," laughing at his curves, making him feel unwanted. This graduated into mild jabs & punches. And then finally, one day, the five of us spent 2 straight hours 'roasting' him, stepping on every last piece of his self-confidence that we could find on the floor.

Turns out, he'd had enough & his father was at my door with an audio recording of what we thought was sublime standup comedy. I felt ashamed but cried victim, pushing the blame back onto him. Tit for tat.

We stopped playing with him after that day. He had become a traitor. I don't know if he found that liberating. And if he did, I can't imagine how fucked up that would be ... feeling happy to finally have no one you can make memories with.

I went abroad and forgot about Roy. Until yesterday when we were packing up and I saw him pass by. Something snapped. Like an ice cube being run down my neck.

As someone who has been through so many changes in the last few years, I felt an urgent need to prove to myself that I'm no longer the person I was years in 2014. I wanted to leave this shithole behind for good.

So I messaged him on Facebook.

Dear Roy,

I won't ask if you remember me because I know you do. I just wanted to say I'm really sorry for how I treated you.

There's no explanation. No my side of the story. No excuse. And they weren't just harmless jokes.

I bullied you badly and caused you a lot of pain. Practically ruined your childhood. And I don't know if you're doing better. I hope you are.

You didn't deserve any of the shit I gave you. I did it because I felt powerless myself and needed something to fill that hollow space in my days.

We moved out yesterday & I wanted you to know that I'm aware of my mistakes and although I can't change the past, I am working to heal, both myself and others. I'm part of some NGOs that help poor kids in Majiwada. I do regular activities to put a smile on their faces.

Again, I know this isn't enough or even related but I hope someday you can forgive me. Even if you can't, I understand. And I really wish that you find love, happiness, and peace wherever you go - yes you do deserve those things. I was wrong.

Please let me know if I can do anything for you.

Thanks.

He responded with that "blue thumbs up" icon. That's all. I didn't push it, either. We didn't have a heart-to-heart conversation to go over everything. I'll probably never see him again or know how he turned out to be. It just is.

So did I get my closure? As I unpack in my new room, I'm not sure if it matters anymore. Because I think human relationships are much messier than we let on. You cannot just file them into chapters.

Sometimes they'll end abruptly.

Sometimes they'll reappear again and again, unexpectedly.

And sometimes you'll find new meanings every time you go back to old pages.

More importantly, you cannot just erase the damage you do to people. You cannot say sorry hoping everything will be forgotten and forgiven. The harsh truth about scars is that they never really heal.

But someday someone will look at those scars you caused on people, and madly fall in love with them. Someone will find that pain beautiful. Someone will turn it into a source of strength and love. And you can take the first step towards making that happen - by just saying one word.

GET TO THE POINT- If you think you hurt someone, you're right 9/10 times because we're hardwired for empathy & kindness so the moment we give in to hate, our mind sends us a small hunch. So just say you're sorry. Not "sorry if I hurt you." Not "sorry but it wasn't my intention." Just. Fucking. Sorry. Own what you did. It means everything.

DON'T FORGET IT- Yes, it's best if you repent asap but even if it's 10 years later, admitting to your fuckups is the right thing to do.

DON'T EXPECT AN OK- Your sorry is about you choosing to become better. For the person in front of you, it represents lots of trauma, heavy baggage, and painful memories that they've probably suppressed or internalized. So they may not forgive you or even respond. Please respect their privacy & feelings this time. And move on.

Trust me, this was one of the hardest things I've done as an adult. That said, I think we all did stupid things when we were kids. I think we were all MADE TO DO stupid things by a select few who understood intuitively how war works. I think most of us were a form of entertainment. Puppets. Dogs in a fighting ring. Dogs trying to fit in, or be liked, or just be left alone.

Just realizing how insanely toxic this entire game was ... is probably the most obvious sign that you're growing up. I know I am. I'm actively working to be truer to the kid I was before they took him away from me. And I know it's not going to be some beautiful transformative journey away from my past like they show in the movies.

It'll be ugly, too painful to bear sometimes. Because I'll meet parts of me that I hate. Parts you'd hate if you knew them. Parts that I'd rather not be remembered for. But you know what?

Sometimes, the first step in conquering your demons is accepting that they exist.

That they make you but don't define you. That you have a choice to be kinder, sweeter, warmer. And the only thing that matters is whether you have the courage to make that choice even when the whole world is giving you a billion reasons not to.

Be that one reason everyone needs to heal.

[loycos]

why or why don't you think the diamonds deserve to be shattered for everything they've done

I don’t think they should be shattered, and here are my reasons:

1. This is a kids show. I would rather have shows that teach younger generations that conflict doesn’t always have to be resulted in one of the sides “winning”, and that we can always find a way to compromise even with people we don’t agree with. ESPECIALLY when the other option is solving said conflicts with violence.

Yes, you could argue that in reality sometimes there are no other measures, and you’d be right. But this is a kids show. We should always teach kids that violence is not the answer because maybe, in some distant, bright future, it will be the case. We have to give the next generations the hope that this could be reality.

(also, like, let’s not make a kid character murder people? seems obvious to me but some people want to see Steven spills some blood real badly, its kind of concerning)

2. The Diamonds are a part of the system just like the gems they rule upon. Removing them from the equation will create more chaos than actual progress. If a society wants to move forward, it needs to include all of its members- not leave some of them behind. 

I explained before why removing the Diamonds from gem society without proper guidance would just let the next “diamonds” raise. lets face it, realistically, the CG and Steven cannot teach what they’ve learn for over 5000 years on Earth to the entirety of gem kind and expect it to work on every single one of them. What is more likely to happen is that some other high ranking gem will take the place as the Absolute Ruler of gem kind, and HW gems would accept it because their minds are all but programmed to follow this type of social structure. 

Change has to come from within, and the Diamonds can become huge positive factors just as much as they are currently negative factors.

3. I don’t think that The Diamonds changing their ways and learning to improve their views and treatment of their gems deletes or ignores the impact of their past crimes. These could never be forgiven, or fixed. But the act of moving forward toward a better future is more important to me than dwelling on past actions that cannot be changed.

4. I think The Diamonds’ cruelty is based in ignorance rather than malice- therefore, they could be taught to be better. They have no intentions of hurting their subjects for the sake of some twisted enjoyment- they merely don’t know any other way and do genuinely believe they are doing what’s best for their kind. 

5. I quite like them.

[nothingsky]

There are a lot of people, including myself, who've never realized that they've never forgiven themselves for anything regardless of fault. Those things are so wrapped up in trauma that even getting past the guilt to remember what happened is a monumental task. But as I have, I've found that a lot of things I have held immeasurable guilt over for years weren't my fault. Yes, I did do things that hurt people and were against my morals, but at the time it was my every intention and effort to do things right, I just couldn't. I was devoid of the opportunity to have my emotional needs fulfilled enough in my life to even have the ability. I was hurting, lost, and doing what I needed to for survival.

Many of the people who've blamed me for that either didn't understand or couldn't reconcile my actions in terms of their own survival. Looking back, even at all the bad I've done, I know I was doing my best the whole time. It was only as I started learning to choose myself that I started learning how to be who I want to be for others. The times I've hurt people most is when I didn't realize just how much I needed them and was stretching myself beyond my means to hold on. I started hurting them without even realizing. I twisted the person they loved into a machine who only superficially resembled them.

But me, someone who does now have their needs met, isn't being abused, isn't overworked, isn't constantly enduring incredible stress, and isn't running away from my emotions, physically cannot be that person anymore. If I was able to live with all my humanity and all of my self back then, I never would have been that person. The intentions of my soul would have aligned with the actions of my body. With that I can forgive myself knowing the mistakes of my past have not left a permanent scar on my true character.

I can finally forgive myself and give the apologies these people deserve with the humility they needed from me all along. I can move on, do better, and look back with compassion towards the me who was drowning. I no longer jab past me in the heart of their best intentions turned to guilt whenever I remember them. Present me and past me have become friends who help each other live a better future aligned with who we've always wanted to be. Now, we can all finally rest.

Instead of berating yourself by saying “I should’ve known better”, “I should have made a different choice”, “I shouldn’t have done that”,

Say that now you know! “Next time, I will know better”, “Next time, I will make a different choice”, “Next time, I’ll try this instead”

We are all learning constantly, you can’t know everything your first go around

[crigil-blog]

Devotional: 112621:

Let us never forget where the LORD got us from.

"Do not fear because I am your God who am with you, I will strengthen you and help you." It does not matter what news you receive, good or bad, "I am with you." Only strong faith will allow us to stand firm in times of great challenge.

Apostle Paul was a religious fanatic. He persecuted a lot of Christians of the early church. In fact, he was there when Stephen, the first martyr was stoned (Acts 7:58). He was really something. (Acts 8:3) But Saul began to destroy the church. Going from house to house, he dragged off both men and women and put them in prison.

But one day, on his way do Damascus to wreak more havoc on the church, he encountered Jesus. Why am I saying all these? You see, Jesus forgave Paul, but he had to forgive himself too. Otherwise he won't be able to fulfill his God's-given assignments. He could have been filled with guilt, and allowed his past to hinder him from moving forward. But no, not Paul. He put his past behind him.

Peter denied Jesus thrice. They've been together for over three years. They dined and wined together. He was on the mount of transfiguration with Jesus. Peter, along with James and John, were the closest to Jesus. Jesus healed his mother-in-law. Yet Peter said he never knew Jesus. Peter wept bitterly in repentance and his sin was forgiven, but he had to forgive himself too. And that was why he was able to preach that powerful sermon at Pentecost and about three thousands souls were saved.

When God has forgiven you, forgive yourself too. You don't need to feel forgiven, you are forgiven! The devil will always try to remind you of your past to make you feel guilty. Don't allow that. When he reminds you of your past, you can remind him of his future too; he is hell-domed already.

Whatever it is you've done wrong in the past, let it stay in the past. When you are genuinely sorry and asked for God's forgiveness, the blood of Jesus cleanses all your sin. 1 John 1:9 NKJV

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

CALLED:

“If you feel that you are drowning and you cannot resist anymore, Jesus reaches out to you to save you. Today is the day of salvation for you, do not wait for the bad moment in your life to come, tell him: Lord, thank you for forgiving my sin, I accept you as my Savior, guide my steps, calm the storms in My life. May the Peace of the LORD be with you day and night until the end of your