#they deserve so many people to care about them

[space-apples]

i buried my teeth in everything good

hi chatters sorry for dying. thanking @dakedo0o @loveroped @angeart and @sunieraes for beta-ing i appreciate you <3

here it is on AO3 x

and if you want to read it here you can do that !!

He’s succeeded his task, and the wind was faintly blowing in his ear, almost sounding like laughter.

He’s succeeded his task, and the sun was just peeking over the mountains. He didn’t even realize he’d gone the whole night without a blink. 

He’s succeeded his task, and the cold air was gnawing against his skin. He could hardly care anymore. 

Win Secret Life. Win Secret Life. Win Secret Life.

He was drowning now, and felt the familiar sense of life being drained from him before arriving back at the Secret Keeper. He stared at it coldly (everything was cold.)

A skeleton was somewhere in the distance. It was shooting at him, but Scar couldn’t be bothered to care. The arrows buried themselves into his skin, but as he bled and whatever remaining life source once again drained out of him, Scar didn’t recognize the pain as much as he should have. All he really felt was numbness, a fucked up sense of relief. He closed his eyes, exhaling softly, wishing, hoping, praying for release.

If he died now, he would be gone. He would be free. 

Of course the Gods above cared too much about their entertainment to let him go. So when he opened his eyes, the arrows were gone. The only mark left that showed they were ever there were the scars. More to add to the collection, he supposed, bitterly staring up at the Secret Keeper statue. 

Scar wanted to scream at it, to get TNT and blow the stupid thing to dust and rubble. 

He pressed the button once more, wildly, angrily, and cursing so much that a sailor would cringe away. 

Win Secret Life, it said. As always. He did win. As always. 

Pressing the button over and over again wouldn’t do anything, but he did anyway, something in him snapping. Only getting more desperate and upset with each hit as it gave him more and more books. He didn’t care that his hand was getting splintered, that a nasty bruise was starting to form, that he felt it breaking. He didn’t care. He couldn’t care about anything anymore, he couldn’t focus on caring. Scar just wanted to go home. 

He didn’t even realize when he started rapidly hitting the stone instead, putting so much weight and force into his attacks that the button had broken. When he paused long enough to realize, he swore he couldn’t feel himself breathing anymore. The books were splattered around, his hand was bloodied, and his legs crumbled from underneath him. 

Scar prided himself on being resilient, only crying once or twice after a Life Game. But seeing his own blood on a half beaten rock where the button should have been, feeling the cold air biting at his skin, the awareness that he was irrefutably alone, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to do anything in order to go home, shattered any resolve he so wished to keep. 

His hands didn’t seem like his as he laid them, shakily, gently, carefully, on pedestal once more. His whole body shook, wracked with impending doom. He was sobbing, he realized, though the tears never seemed real. None of this seemed real. He couldn’t breathe through it, and some sick part of him hoped that it would continue, that his body would finally collapse and allow him to be detached from this world. 

But maybe he deserved this. 

Maybe with how many people he killed, how many people he made suffer, this was his punishment. A permanent loop, a permanent limbo, forever cursed to be alone. 

Maybe that was the reason for his time here; showing that his destiny, his purpose, his fate, was to be on his own. Where he grew up, it wasn’t exactly an option to talk with other people, and perhaps he got too comfortable in Hermitcraft. Last Life should have been his reminder, his push in the right direction, but he wanted the interaction. The comfort of being near someone was too tempting to turn down. Yet the bite of cold he felt constantly growing up in the apocalypse, it was the same he felt on that horrible mountain in Last Life. It was the same he felt now. He couldn’t escape it, no matter how many blankets or campfires he had, just like how he wouldn’t ever be able to be relieved of the crippling isolation that threatened to overflow and drown him. 

He didn’t know when time started to blur even more, he didn’t know when he started to feel so numb that it felt like he couldn’t move his legs. He couldn’t care for it. He wasn’t sure if he was capable of doing just that. The sun was blaring, it might have stung to look at, yet he just kept staring upward, blankly. There wasn’t much else he could do, anyways. He broke the button. He probably broke his hand too, but he was floating too much to really register it.

He didn’t notice when his legs became anchored to the ground. The hope that the possibility of his opponents (they were friends, they were friends, they were friends) cared enough to come back, to check in on him, was of course foolish. They wouldn’t. It should have bothered him more, and maybe some part of him was uneasy. But a bigger part of him was tired. 

Now, his legs didn’t just feel heavy, they felt like stone. 

And that’s when he noticed he couldn’t sit up. That everything was so much colder. That he was so much more aware of the world. He could make out every grass blade being eaten by grazing animals, the fish wading through the waters, and he didn't even flinch at the desperate snarling of the Undead– the zombies. They were hungry, ravenous, and all he could really do was shift his energy away from it. 

He still felt like he was being stared at, yet he couldn’t detect the stare of the Secret Keeper anymore. It bothered him in the back of his mind. In the dark corners, it felt more than simply wrong. His eyes felt sluggish, but somehow he knew he wouldn’t be able to close them. Now he had to watch, to feel more than the ground below him, the suffocating air around him. It was dark. It was bright. It was hot, but so so so cold. 

All he could do was stare into the sky, watching the sun reach into his peripherals and watch it fade away into a cold night, stars tracing each speck of his vision. It should have been the only thing he saw. He didn’t know how he saw everything. But the statue wasn’t there anymore, it wasn’t watching along beside him. 

He tried to regard it as a good thing. That he didn’t have to feel that prying stare bear into him. But all he could think was that he was now those intrusive, intense, invading eyes. It wasn’t that it was gone, it was that he took its place. He didn’t know if shattering that stupid button was the cause, but he didn’t even mean to break it. He had just wanted to go home.

He can’t even think of how he’d do that now. He barely remembers the faces of his opponents. No, no, they were his friends. Yes, his friends. He couldn’t remember the faces of his friends. They were all muddled and blurry, just like the memories of their time together, hardly resurfacing when he tried to remember. He remembers a boat pole? Bluebells— no, that wasn’t right. He couldn’t frame it correctly, but akin to. A flower of sorts, poisonous to something. He remembers vague things about vexes, though they were just a– a mob with no real significance. He can’t quite... God, why can’t he remember. They were his friends, he said it himself, they were kind and funny and. He wished he could remember more about them other than their bloodshed, than their violence. There were pieces he was missing.

(He misses them. He needs them. He doesn’t know why he’s here, why he’s had to isolate and disconnect from everyone he knew for the sake of Watching. But it isn’t his job to question it, if he could even do such a thing. At least not anymore.)

Time passed on, he knows it’s passed on. There’s little, in this world at least, he doesn’t know at this point. But as far as the people who are gone, the people he killed, he doesn’t know where they are now. How long it’s been for them. He knows there’s not much he can do about it. There’s not much they can do to save him. He thought, he hoped, the numbness was back.

He didn’t know how much he even felt anymore, he wasn’t sure he was capable of feeling. So why, why, is there so much dread in the pits of his stomach. Why is there nausea building in his body, his head throbbing with a migraine. Why did his fear come back all at once, his disquiet of being so utterly alone solitary abandoned abandoned abandoned being seemingly worse than before. It’s not like it ever left, but if it did, it came back stronger than it ever was prior. He didn’t mind being numb, really. He half-heartedly wished for it back. He vaguely realized in his mind he won’t be going home anymore. And this wasn’t at all what he wanted. To be trapped in a never ending loop of pain and pressing buttons was hardly on anyone’s bucket list. He didn't even know what he wanted now, other than to simply rest. 

Though now he figured this was why he was here. Why wouldn’t they want someone already contiguous to not one soul— someone so bloodthirsty— in their grasp. Playing their sick games until he could only regurgitate futile means of escaping. Watching for them. Commanding for them. Succeeding for them. Maybe he should have felt horrified at the prospect, and maybe he did, but if it wasn’t at the forefront, he could hardly be expected to feel anything other than that flooding sense of numbness. Maybe he didn’t want to be here. Maybe he did. It didn’t matter now. He had a job to do. 

He succeeded his task, and it was then he noticed the button on the stone pedestal was back. It was nicer than the old one. Engraved in markings he recognized. It was the traditional Elven designs that coiled around harsh stone, though he could already feel the connection to his identity fading away.

He succeeded his task, and yet when he tried to reach out for it, he couldn’t move his hand anymore.

He succeeded his task, and now he’d be making sure when others came along, they’d succeed too. 

He could vaguely remember that he was Scar, but even that was fading from his mind. Now he was the keeper, the beholder, the Successor of the thing that was here before.

.

. 

. 

.

.

They had no idea how long they were trapped in there. They tried to glance around, and though they could technically see, they couldn’t See, not how they were used to. They didn’t wish for it back. Or perhaps they did. But the harsh transition made it difficult to look around at all.

They knew they were not envious of their replacement— though it was still hard to grasp that they could feel, really feel again. The sensations latched onto them like they'd always been there; like it was coming home— but they couldn’t remember anything to match it, or anything at all. It had been too overwhelming to have so many of them, to notice and detect sensations other than stone and that icy cold that swallowed them whole.

 It had been far too long to even remember their name. They were trying awfully hard as well, to remember the identity they had left behind. Before all the buttons, before all the colored names and hopeless faces showed, before all the cravings of violence just to get a sick taste of what being angry meant. They had a life, surely. 

They looked down at their new body. This one couldn’t have been their old one– Staring into the reflection they remembered the face of their Successor, eyes still red and running rampant on Red Life urges. They weren’t in that world, and yet. They wondered if the bloodshed would ever stop.

 It was rather warm here, they noticed, but for some reason they could still sense that bite of cold they felt as the Keeper. 

They didn’t quite know where they were, but they could hear someone approaching. They almost expected a button to be pressed, for them to make a request. Of course that didn’t happen here, and instead a voice called out. 

Excited, concerned, afraid, afraid, afraid—

“Scar, oh my god.” The person, upon seeing them, ran over much faster than they had expected. And to their own surprise, they recognized their– her– voice. She was hard to forget, really, because admittedly, she was one of their favorites. The Newbie, the first to truly find the End in their domain. (Their old domain. It wasn’t theirs anymore.) One with such promise, such potential. Of course now they’re rather glad she didn’t win. “Scar, where have you been?”

They forgot they were in place of the Successor, they forgot that was even his name. They tried to open their mouth to respond, but it turns out after spending what felt like centuries with their mouth made of literal stone, it was a bit harder to get words out. They were sure it’d be raspy anyway, from the misuse.

They remembered her name now, and vague recollections of Scar’s memories came back from when they Saw him. Her name was Gem. 

Gem frowned at his silence, and Scar– not Scar, they’re not Scar– tensed, worried that they’d already be found out within five seconds. 

“I won’t– I won’t push you into talking, Scar,” she said, to their surprise. She surveyed them with such concern that it made them discern… something. Guilt? Embarrassment? She continued, spurred on by them remaining silent. “It’s just– you’ve been gone for almost, uh, two months now. I think.”

They didn’t have to pretend to shudder at the time frame. 

It had been way longer than just two months.

Honestly, they really did try getting their mouth open to speak, to demand, but all they could manage were raspy grunts. Gem winced, yet kept her relatively calm demeanor. 

“It’s okay, I don’t want to force you.” She reaches over slowly, maybe so that if they wanted to back away, they would. They didn’t. It could have been because moving was so unknown, unfamiliar. Or because they regarded Gem as more than just trustworthy; as safe.

The touch burned before it felt like a regular mortal being was actually holding them. She gently encouraged them to move forward, for them to follow her, a smile now plastered on her face. 

 “Come on, Scar, let’s get you home, yea?” 

Home. 

In their last moments before the Successor took over, they remembered his last thoughts were wistfully praying that he’d be let go. Back to wherever here was, where they could pretend his past was long gone and have fun and play— not dangerous— games. Where they could have just a little company. 

The memory made them feel like something was twisting in their gut, their throat closing up with such a tightness it felt like they were forgetting how to breathe. They didn’t remember what that feeling was. But they needed to get rid of it, and Gem’s words were so warm, such a drastic change from the icy wind clawing at each part of them, threatening to freeze them over. 

Gem’s offer didn’t seem to hold the same malice, but when they tried to see into it, see her intentions, they were swiftly reminded their abilities were no longer with them. The similar sensation in their gut came back, and it screamed and yelled at them to run, to get far away. Logically, though, if they were to run, Gem would most likely catch them a lot easier than they’d like to admit. They were not used to having legs that— more or less— work. And if she wanted to kill them she would have already done so. 

So they nod, following her carefully after she takes her hand off their shoulder. She let go, and it still felt like it was there, still felt like it was burning, still felt like it was there to keep it burning. Gem’s touch wasn’t bad, at least they didn’t think so. They hadn’t had any contact with anyone or anything for so long, and perhaps that was why it felt so sudden. So much. They tried to trail behind her as best they could, only becoming more overwhelmed with each step. 

They’re not familiar with so much of this, so many textures, so many potential people around, so many so many so many—

It wasn’t her fault, really. 

She just kept leading on, adding little comments here and there. It was hard to keep paying attention to her when she wasn’t the only one making noise. Grass crunched from underneath them, water was crashing a little while away, Gem’s armor was rattling against itself with every step, there were probably people in the distance, not bothering to keep their voices down. 

Their vision got blurry after a while, their legs felt like mush. They didn’t think it had been that long, though that didn’t make them feel better. They could barely make out Gem’s face, her antlers being the only thing that they could really see. 

Everything was spinning around them, going too fast. Or it could have been that they were going too slow. It hurt to keep their eyes open, but the worry that if they closed them now, the worry it’ll be like before made them try so very hard to not blink.

And despite their best efforts, they felt the impact of hitting the ground before anything else.

And despite themself, they knew their eyes were rolling back into their head. 

At least it wasn’t everything all at once, but now it was— once again— nothing. 

.

.

.

.

They woke up, not expecting to be able to feel the softness of whatever they were laying on. They were laying down as well, a position they hadn’t been able to be in before. Though they half expected to be frozen like that, it was certainly a lot more comfortable now than it used to be. They didn’t try to move, at least not for a while, unsure they even could. 

They were talking about them. Not them. Well, maybe it was them technically, but it was still about Scar. The Scar they knew.

“—Just overwhelmed, maybe,” a voice— they could recognize once more as Gem— said, most likely contributing to a conversation that had already started. “I don’t know. He’s been gone for months.”

“Oh, trust me, I’m aware, Gem.” 

Grian. That voice belonged to Grian. They didn’t have the same excitement towards the man as maybe some of the Others did. They didn’t want to like Grian, and as much as They tried to make them favor him, they had leaned towards Gem. 

They thought she’d be smart enough to figure it out. Clearly, they had thought wrong.

They still weren’t moving, afraid to even try, and instead waded through the waters of their mind, through every crevice of newfound sensations, newfound thoughts. It still felt they weren’t their own, as if they were still rifling through someone else’s head. 

They couldn’t tell if they still felt like it was burning, and they were once again worried they were back there again because even with however many sensations their body may have been experiencing, it still felt so far away. 

They realized they were shaking. 

Which was good, they thought. Good that they could move, at least. They couldn’t think much of anything else when trying to refocus on Gem and Grian, whose voices had become slightly raised. 

“That’s not what I meant,” she huffed, inhaling sharply. “I am glad he’s back, I was just— concerned.”

“We all had this after the first Death Game, Gem. Scar shouldn’t feel more violent than, you know, he usually is.”

“But his eyes— even if they weren’t red— they were so empty.”

“Winning a game can be a lot. And Scar was by himself that whole time, even before his, uh, extended hiatus. I think we both know that Scar being alone isn't his favorite thing in the world.” 

“You— Okay, I can see that. I mean I think the Death Games can be a lot for anyone, just on its own. But sure.” She let out a long sigh, as if she hadn’t taken a breath throughout that entire conversation. “I care about him too, Grian. It’s not just you.”

They were both silent for a moment, and for a small second, they thought they had walked away. That was until Grian spoke.

“I know.” His voice was so soft, almost a whisper. “I know. I just— Let’s just make sure to make something fun for when he wakes up. Or at least a cup of water.”

Gem lets out a hum of agreement, and they can’t help but feel that pain in their chest. One that seems bad at first, yet seems to feel more comforting. Even as they hear the door being opened and closed, it remains.

It’s a feeling that, although they barely remembered anything, they know they craved and strived to have it. The feeling of being cared for, of knowing that you’re cared for. 

It was ridiculous, especially as they weren’t even Scar. It was only a matter of time before they found out, before they kicked them right back out for very justifiable reasons. And yet it was hard to deny the temptation of staying, just to feel wanted for even a little while. To have a connection with a real person, a real being. They know it won’t last, as things usually do, but they didn’t see why they couldn't savor this. 

It’s not theirs to savor, they know this. But there’s no one else to provide that connection to them anymore. Even if there was, they don’t remember. It’s frustrating how much they don’t remember, how much they remember about Scar more than they remember about themself. 

They knew they should say something, but the thought of being cast aside was enough to replace the feeling in their chest with a much heavier weight. 

They knew they weren’t Scar, but for now, they could pretend. 

They knew they would be forced to leave eventually, but for now, just for now, they could stay.

[erosiism]

GENSHIN MEN AND…

prompt: HOW THEY WOULD REACT IF YOU SACRIFICED YOUR LIFE FOR THEM | part two

character(s): childe, ayato [part one is finished, it features diluc & zhongli]

warnings(s): angst ofc—mention of blood, my first post on tumblr so my writing style may be a little icky, inaccuracies since I haven’t looked up genshin lore for a hot minute 

note(s): male reader, second person, present tense, not beta read

AYATO

note(s); you are his fiance

Your marriage alliance is purely for business. Ayato knows that. He’s the head of the Yashiro Commission's Kamisato plan—he’s busy, for god’s sake. He doesn’t want to waste time or beat around the bush: if he is to marry you, the only son of the L/n, he will, but he doesn’t want you to expect any pleasantries. He will be cordial and polite enough, but he doesn’t have the time to butter you up. He will mind his own business, and so will you. He is not one for earthly desires. He cares far more for his clan’s prestige and for surviving to play the role of a husband.

“[Name], right?” He smiles at you. You smile back, your posture stiff and your smile fixed painfully on your face. “I’m sure we know what this marriage is intended for.”

Your skin feels tight. “I do.”

“You can go to Thoma should you have any inquiries. My sister will help you too should you need anything.”

You tilt your head. Your tone is straightforward and blunt. “And you?”

“I’ll be busy,” Ayato says politely.

“I understand.”

There: your first conversation had been completely unremarkable and bland. But Ayato had appreciated that you had been straight to the point. You had been completely no nonsense, and Ayato at least, did not feel annoyed. He has too many things on his plate to deal with trivial things like romance: too many rival clans are trying to assassinate him, too many people are trying to destroy his clan. He does his own things, you do too. Occasionally you two meet—it’s just one house, after all, and you two make polite conversation. You make for a rather amusing partner at times, you make him laugh, and with you he feels relaxed.

Sometimes he plays the tricks he plays on Thoma; but it’s almost impressive to see you stomach the strange food he feeds you. You tease him with a rather sweet straight face; in calm tones, you poke fun at him. Ayato forgets that the two of you are married, at times, but there are also the rare times that he’s almost pleased.

Months pass after your encounter. The two of you have lapsed into a routine. Ayato finds that there are times he almost looks forward to the occasions the two of you meet. He starts planning brief instances where he can see you: he starts to finish his work a little quicker so he’ll be able to see you. He lessens your workload so you won’t be tired. He buys trinkets that remind him of you. He starts to reach out to you a lot more. 

He notices you smiling more. You seem pleased, joyful, even at this. 

(“Gosh,” Ayaka tells him once, smiling sweetly. “You two do act like a married couple.”

Married. Ah. Right. Ayato has nearly forgotten.)

One day, as he’s out, he spots a gem the color of your eyes. He spends a decidedly long time looking at it, choosing it carefully, before he tucks it in your pocket. You deserve to have nice things, he thinks to himself. And so he will give it to you. His husband.

But when he returns home, he doesn’t expect to see the sight of you barely breathing, your breaths shuddering, your body limp. Thoma and Ayaka are not in sight. They must have gone out today. And you…

The gem clinks in his pocket as he runs towards you.

“[Name],” Ayato calls for your messily, the words falling over each other as they spill from his mouth, “[Name]!”

The last word is a yell. “[Name], please…who did this to you?”

“Those bastards,” you say weakly, “from…that…clan…they wanted information. They…”

“And you—”

“I didn’t give it to them, if that’s what you were worried about,” you manage to choke out. “I know how important it was to you.”

The information. Right. The scrolls. Right. Important? Perhaps months ago Ayato would have agreed. After all, that was months, almost a year of hard work. But looking at you now, Ayato begged to differ. Here you were, bleeding out, dying, because of him.

You sacrificed yourself. You sacrificed yourself for him.

“I know what this marriage was intended for,” you repeat the words he had told you when you two had first met. His husband. His beloved husband. His darling. “I’ve honored it.”

“No,” Ayato cradles you, feeling as if life escapes your body. Your body is turning cold. “No!”

It’s too late. The gem rolls out of his pocket, and Ayato despairs.

The gem is no longer the color of your beautiful eyes.

It’s bathed in red.

CHILDE

note(s); you are from fatui

There are countless deaths when it comes to Fatui. It has become disturbingly normal. And you are Tartaglia’s subordinate. The eleventh harbinger’s associate. You two hit it off, immediately: you are of similar age, and you have a little brother the same age as Teucer. Or: you had a little brother. He was torn away from you because of your poor living conditions in Snezhnaya. And that was what spurred you on to make a last ditch attempt to join the Fatui to find a purpose somehow; to riddle yourself with work so you cannot think of your brother’s death.

Childe has been nothing but sweet to you so far. You have been seeing two sides of him: the tender, gentle side to him when he talks about Teucer, when he speaks of the little letters he gets from his siblings, or on the occasions he speaks to you. And the other is more wild; more bloodthirsty—and in those instances, you can see the marks that the Abyss has left on him. That uncontrollable urge to ravage everything in sight; to leave it broken and damaged.

Today is no different. The two of you tread the snow as you walk up the mountains. Childe is laughing as he is telling you stories. You listen to him like you always do. Neither of you spot the Ruin Guards. Not even three—by some wretched curse, there are five of them, lumbering behind. And by the time their shadows loom before the two of you, it’s too late.

Childe flinches; you reach out to him in desperation before you see him shift into his Foul Legacy form. 

What rotten luck, you curse to yourself, adrenaline starting to fill in. What kind of stupid thing have we walked into?

You have seen him use it a few times—once against three Ruin Guards. He defeated them without much difficulty—but you had seen the after effects. You had seen the way he had panted for his breath; the way his face had turned pale, the way he had quivered and had grasped onto you and the Traveler for help.

He does the same. There’s still two remaining, and Childe’s still standing. But you see him clutching his head. You think of Teucer. Childe has a family to return to. You have no one. In a way, this action would be the most logical. The most understanding. It will be a sacrifice for Childe and his brother. You know the pain of losing a brother—you don’t want Teucer to go through that again.

“I think I can handle them,” you tell Childe quietly. You don’t have a vision, but you have a delusion you have yet to use. “Go. Rest.”

“[Name],” Childe warns.

“Teucer.” Is the only word you say.

Childe’s eyes widen. He bites his lip. He sees your point—you knew he would. 

“I’ll come back alive,” you promise.

“[Name],” he tries again.

“See you later.” It’s a clear dismissal. 

You push him a little to the side; Childe stumbles away. Then you quickly unleash the delusion you have kept and unsheathe your sword. Childe was the one that taught you how to use a sword—and now you recall his advice as you step to the side. The delusion has potentially lethal consequences. You know that. It’s your first time using it. You know that too. The energy thrums in your fingertips as you start to battle—the crimson lashes out between your teeth and blows start to rain on you.

You think of your brother. It was your lack of strength that caused his death—you can still remember his shouts, his screams—and even now they haunt you. You don’t waver, but your stance and your attacks become sloppy. Useless, you think harshly, useless! I can’t even—

The delusion unleashes more power in your desperation. The ruin guards start to sway and fall. You continue, but now blood is bursting from every crevice, every corner: wounds open, flesh tears away, and your mouth overflows with blood. The ventricles of your heart seem to be pulsing dangerously—the delusion is ripping away your mortality in return for its power. You continue. Your eyes start to tear—

Thuds tell you of the defeat of the guards. You slump in relief. Your feet carried you to Childe, who has collapsed on the ground.

“Childe,” you call weakly. “I…”

The words don’t leave your throat. Your broken stance is not the one that jolts him from his consciousness, but it is the splutter of blood and the horrid gargle your throat make when you start to retch out blood that horrifies him.

“[Name]!” He yells, “[Name]!”

“Let me close my eyes,” you plead. “I’m so tired.”

“No. Let’s—let’s get you to—”

“Please,” you start to beg him. “I think…”

Childe knows better. You will die if you close your eyes. He has to get you help—he can’t let you die. 

Oh. 

Oh. 

He has loved you. He loves you. He adores you.

“You promised me,” Childe starts to whisper brokenly, “you promised me, [Name]. You said you'd come back alive. You said you will…”

The promise is shattered when your head slips from his grasp.

Your first and last promise to him, broken.

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[mahoutoons]

i'm feeling controversial today so here's another hot take. and before you type away at your keyboards, know that this is all coming from a south asian.

white leftists have got to stop acting like christianity is the only religion that deserves to be criticized and you cannot touch any other religion because that'd be racist and bigoted. because as an indian who's watching my country progress towards hindu nationalism, this attitude doesn't help at all.

white people see hinduism as this exotic brown religion that's so much more progressive but don't know the violence of the caste system, how it others a large portion of the population on the basis of caste, literally branding them as "untouchables". they teach us in school that this problem is a thing of the past but the caste system is still alive and shows itself in violent ways. and that's not even covering how non hindus are treated in the country. muslims especially are being killed, have their houses bulldozed, businesses destroyed, and are being denied housing, our fucking prime minister called them infiltrators and there's this fear among hindu extremists that they'll outnumber the hindus in the country. portraying hinduism as this exotic religion does a disservice to all those oppressed by the hindutva ideology

similarly, white people see buddhism as this hippie religion that's all about peace but have no idea how extremist buddhists in myanmar have been persecuting the rohingya muslims for years and drive them out of the country.

if anything portraying these religions as exotic hippie brown religions is a type of orientalism itself.

and also y'all have got to realize that just because christianity has institutional power in america doesn't mean there aren't parts of the world where they are persecuted on the basis of religion. yes karen from florida who cries christophobia because she sees rainbow sprinkles on a cake is stupid but christian oppression DOES exist in non western countries where they're a minority. pakistani christians get lynched almost on a daily basis over blasphemy accusations. just look up the case of asia bibi, a pakistani christian woman who was sentenced to death on blasphemy charges because of something she said when she was being denied water because it was "forbidden" for a christian and a muslim to drink from the same utensil and she'd made it unclean just by touching it (which is ALSO rooted in casteism and part of pakistani christians' oppression also comes from the fact that a lot of them are dalit but that's a whole other discussion). and that's just one christian group, this isn't even going into what copts, assyrians, armenians etc have faced and continue to face. saying that christians everywhere are privileged because of american christianity actually harms christian minorites in non western countries.

and one last thing because this post is getting too long: someone being anti america doesn't automatically mean they're the good guys. too many times i've been seeing westerners on twitter dot com praise the fucking taliban just because they hate america. yes, the same taliban who banned education for women, thinks women should be imprisomed at home, and consistently oppresses religious and ethnic minorities in afghanistan. yes, america's war on afghanistan was bad and they SHOULD be called out for their war crimes there. no, the taliban are still not the good guys. BOTH of them are bad. you cannot pretend to care about muslims and brown people if you praise the taliban. because guess what? most of their victims are BROWN MUSLIM WOMEN. but of course white libs who praise them don't rub their two braincells together to make that conclusion.

this post has gotten too long and i've just been rambling so the point of this post is: white "leftists" whose politics are primarily america centric should stop acting like criticism of ideologies like hindutva, buddhist extremism, and islamic extremism BY people affected by these ideologies is the same as racism or religious intolerance because that helps literally no one except the extremist bigots. also america is not the centre of the world, just because something isn't happening in america doesn't mean it isn't happening elsewhere

[sleeplesssmoll]

Imagine if, somehow, Vertin got turned into pre-Breakaway Smoltin. Would chaos unfold in the Suitcase?

At first I was going to say "yes" but after really thinking about it...

Vertin's team is soooo protective of her. She'd be in safe hands. Also, Smoltin was a menace because she was forbidden from being true to herself. I think the team would be happy to show her new places, help her catch Critters, and tell her stories about their adventures. They'd give her the childhood she was robbed of. Even the little ones like Erik, Eagle, and the others would be happy to play the role of "Big Sister".

I'm sure she'd still get into shenanigans but everyone is in on it!

Also, maybe this could be an important time of healing for Sonetto. She gets to hug Smoltin. It's something she wish she did more of when they were younger instead of breaking her little heart. She'll be the one giving Smoltin toffees and sweets this time.

However, she is also unwilling to share Smoltin which means that the team is actively fighting over her. While Vertin was the black sheep at the Foundation, here she's the apple of everyone's eye 🍎

Regulus wants to show her all her favorite records.

Sotheby wants to show her potions and talk her ear-off about crazy ideas.

Druvis makes a swing out of tree branches in the Wilderness for Smoltin.

Blonney and Desert Flannel want to dress her up like a little doll.

Jessica introduces her Critter friends to Smoltin and the little one curls up between the fluffy Carbuncles.

Click is following her around and taking pictures of these precious moments.

Smoltin is in awe at how big Matilda and Sonetto are now! Matilda acts normal but admits to Sonetto in private that seeing Smoltin like this hurts. This is the life Vertin deserve; one full of happiness and belonging. She also remembers the day she thought Vertin was Reversed like the others which is something she never talks about, not even to Sonetto.

Smoltin befriends Pavia's dogs, who recognize her scent as the person who gives them treats. Pavia acts annoyed but makes no attempt to stop Smoltin from playing with his puppies. He even offers her some of his precious Gelato and is pleased by her excited reactions when she eats it. He tells her to smile like that more often because he's sick of her stoic face (referring to Vertin as the Timekeeper).

Oliver Fog wanted no part of this. He's only concerned about getting her back to normal, but X thinks the whole thing is hilarious. He is in no rush and takes his time showing her his inventions. He likes that Smoltin and Vertin are always curious and listen intently to his explanations, even if he can tell they don't quite get it.

Mesmer Jr. gave her exactly one head pat. She has a lot of baggage too, but in that moment seeing Vertin reminded her of their childhood before the Break-away event and the Parade. She and Smoltin were friends at one point. Part of her misses how things used to be and the other reminds her not to dwell on these things. Its easier to not care.

As fun as it is spoiling Smoltin, the team begins to miss their Timekeeper. Without Vertin leading them, there is a noticeable hole in their lives. She was a friend, leader, parent, and everything else they needed her to be. They develop a deeper appreciation toward her. After all, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

There are so many fun possibilities with this idea I'm sure other people have many. Feel free to share!

[skygemspeaks]

Tgcf au where, unbeknownst to xie lian, there are multiple gods in heaven searching for him throughout his 8 centuries of banishment

Feng xin and mu qing, for obvious reasons

Pei xiu, after he ascends, remembers the kind general hua who had looked after him and ban yue, and when he finds out that it had been the disgraced crown prince of xianle who had been their benefactor, he decides that he will pay him back for his kindness no matter what.

Lang qianqiu, in all the years that he had been a disciple of fangxin guoshi, had seen his face once or twice, for a few fleeting moments. It hadn't really meant anything to him at the time since he didn't know anything about a prince whose kingdom had fallen long before he was born. But maybe a century or so after lang qianqiu ascends he sees a mural of the crown prince in the hall of divine might, and is chilled to the bone when he realizes he recognizes that face. He asks jun wu, surreptitiously, what would happen if a banished god had been buried in a thrice-sealed coffin with a stske through his heart. You know, hypothetically. The answer he gets is horrific, and no matter how much he hates fangxin guoshi for what he had done to his family, nobody deserves that kind of torture. Lang qianqiu goes to the grave, ready to dig him out himself, only to find the coffin open and his master long gone.

The 4 of them band together when they find out that they all have the same goal, working together to track all traces of him to find him as soon as possible, and somewhere along the way, they meet up with hua cheng. Who is also, inexicably, looking for the same person they're after.

Hua cheng is angry, at first, because he doesn't want anything to do with heavenly officials, after the way xie lian had been treated. But he grudgingly agrees to work with them because the more people on the lookout for xie lian, the higher the chances of finding him. The more time he spends with them, the more he starts to recognize the same kind of devotion in them that he feels, and the more he comes to slowly care for them. It's a strange thing, when he wakes up one day and realizes that he actually cares for these people, and they care for him. Not just as companions on the same quest, but as individuals separate from their shared goal of finding xie lian.

It doesn't feel right, for him to have this kind of companionship when he knows that his god is out there, alone for all these centuries now. But that jist makes him work harder to find xie lian, to show him just how many people have been worrying for him all these years, searching for him, loving him.

[casfuckinggwinchester]

People out here acting like price field shippers are insane and "insufferable" for being annoyed at the lack of Chloe so far in this new game, of course we know she most likely will be mentioned or show up but frankly many of us made our peace with never getting another game about max or Chloe at all so this new game being dropped on people and Chloe being seen as an afterthought when she was the major plot point in the original games is gonna piss people off. Seeing a game you love and adore potentially being rewritten 10 years later? A LOT OF US ARE AUTISTIC BRO, CHANGE ISNT EASY COME ON!!

That isn't to say I hate the new characters or the premise of this game, I'm pretty intrigued already and of course Max deserves to move on from Arcadia after Chloe's death but erasing the other option under the guise of respecting both endings isn't respecting both endings.

For a lot of people, max and Chloe were the first LGBT game rep we'd seen, of course people cling to something that made them feel seen in the closeted years of their life?

Sure could people be less vocal about Chloe since this is a Max game, yes.

But frankly it feels like a kick in the teeth when the comics exist and paid respect to both endings and both of the main ships.

But yeah sure we're just not real fans 😂

God I hate how you can't be annoying online about stuff you care about anymore without being dubbed insane or insufferable.

Where else am I gonna be annoying about the fictional characters I care about?

Of course we know it's fictional, if it was real I'd be more rational lmao

Fucking helllll

[skyartworkzzz]

what do the bishops do in the cult? Are they happy or plotting revenge?

At first their reactions varied from plotting revenge to escaping or overtaking the cult, I think all of them have tried to kill the Lamb at some point xD

But with enough time and the right companies, they eventually learned to like their new home! And even find themselves guilty for what theyve done in the past, each at their own pace and manner

Long texts under the cut for more details! :D

Leshy was probably the less-management one, when he joined he'd break a lot of things and purposefully make the Lamb's life harder, like a kid throwing a tantrum It was only when he was assigned under Beau's care that he chilled out. Beau has always been good with people, so it was no problem for him to figure Leshy out and help him to eventually come to terms with his new home After the getting-used-to's, Leshy became pretty much the chillest out of all the other Bishops. He's fine with living in the cult and honestly enjoys it to an extent, but will obviously never say it aloud xD once threatening people and the Lamb, now befriending / getting acquainted with some of them! He works as a farmer or bartender most of the time

Heket was surprisingly along the same lines of chill. She was definitely unhappy with her situation, but was the most relieved one to be free from the Crowns influence Now able to genuinely experience the taste of food and feel that emptiness inside of her being filled in at last, she quickly learned to like her new home Ofc tho, she never said it, and in fact became much quieter compared to before, since she no longer had the Crowns power to easen up her throat. Now it hurts a lot more to talk, she has to take meds in order to soothe it up and tends to communicate mostly in gestures, stares or acts of service depending on her mood. She also knows sign language! :D She mostly works at the mines or lumberyards, seemingly enjoying to break things apart. The Lamb thinks its her way of "coping" with not being a Bishop anymore lol Out of all the Bishops, shes probably the loneliest, not many have the guts to approach her and Heket tends to like being by herself usually. Sometimes she can be found sulking about with Narinder, the second loneliest out of all the others

Kallamar was likely the most outraged one, since hes been stripped away from the luxuries of being a Bishop like clothings, weapons, jewelries, a nice fancy home. He thought that getting the Crowns back could bring his old life back, not for the sake of power, but the comfort and safety it gave him. Hes definitely the one who has tried scheming against the Lamb many times, still holding his knowledge of weapons and magic in general. But to no surprise, he always failed LOL Kallamar only started calming down once seeing his spouses/disciples in the cult, whom he had tried to get to work with him against the Lamb, but refused or failed still After everything, he'd become depressed, desperately missing when he was taken seriously as an authority figure, but with time his spouses will teach him to like his new life Nowadays he still misses his old life, but is more at peace with being in the cult, especially knowing those he loves and cares about the most are with him (aka his spouses and siblings). Hes the one who will break the most sweat to truly get used to the cult Sometimes he works as a tailor or at the refinery, crafting tends to calm him down and distract him from his thoughts. However, he mostly prefers to be a medic at the Healing Bay, since its one of the few things that remind him of what he once was

Shamura would likely jump from chill to disturbed depending on their mood. Although they believe to be deserving of their punishment, a part of their mind which was considerably overtaken by the Crowns' ideals will sometimes force them to look for a way out or relinquish back the eldritch power, usually against Shamura's will, like voices they'd hear from time to time telling them what to do All in all tho, theyd be the one to try their best to like their new home and even purposefully make themselves miserable out of guilt for their past mistakes, something which the Lamb is either compassionate for or allows them to do due to their own hatred for the Bishops still There'd be many times where Shamura seemed to "sleepwalk" around or found themselves outside the cult without memory of how they got there. Itd be only when they ask the Lamb to become their Disciple that the voices in their head start to quiet down, now being overpowered by the Red Crowns influence Eventually, they become an official Disciple and scribe for the Lamb. Their psychotic episodes will significantly reduce, but still happen from time to time with minor consequences The Lamb often finds themselves questioning whether Shamura is being genuine on what theyve chosen, but is very much compelled to forgive them one day

[childofchaosnic74]

Rant time: hotd spoilers ahead

This is my personal opinion, you're free to disagree, just be civil about it.

I don't agree with those who say that it's impossible to "defend" Alicent here after episode one with Alicole happening (and I say this as someone who is not a fan of the pairing)

Cause honestly, she did her duty for years, she sacrificed everything, her whole life and self, for her husband, for her children and for the realm, so now that she has fewer obligations in that sense I think it's perfectly ok for her to seek something for herself. Side note, having her be unecessarily "punished" again and made to feel guilty (after b&c) for the one time she has a consensual relationship is such an uninteresting choice imo (we've seen more than enough of that in s1).

And as to the argument that she's a hypocrite because she slut shamed Rhaenyra and then had an affair with Criston, I find it kinda irrelevant, cause of several reasons, the way I see it that was never truly the point of her criticism of Rhaenyra and also, so many other characters in this story are "hypocrites" but that doesn't make them bad or unlikeable or any less compelling (ex: Rhaenys, Rhaenyra, Otto, Daemon, Criston and a good chunk of the other characters too) .

As I've said before, the way I see it, Alicent was angry at her because Rhaenyra acted selfish and entitled several times, not thinking about the consequences to other people (examples: Rhaenyra almost sleeps with Daemon and then with Criston, is seen and risks her position as heir, Alicent defends her and that ends up costing her her greatest -perceived-ally -Otto- then Rhaenyra sleeps with Harwin, producing obvious bastards that will inevitably weaken her claim, therefore putting Alicent's children in even more danger, and doesn't even acknowledge it, fast forward Aemond loses an eye because of Rhaenyra's refusal to admit the truth -even to her children, causing them, especially Jace, to develop a huge complex about their true parentage-, so we see that again and again the people who suffer the consequences of Rhaenyra's actions are almost always others, mainly Alicent and her family). It's like Rhaenyra does whatever she wants and it's always Alicent that pays the price for her actions. Of course she's gonna be frustrated and angry and the teachings of the faith are mostly a convenient way for her to justify her feelings to herself and to others without showing just how much she cares and how wounded she is by this chasm between them.

Also if we follow the logic that Alicent is awful and deserves to be hated because she's a hypocrite for shaming Rhaenyra, then Rhaenyra should get just as much hate cause she was the one who slut shamed and victim blamed Alicent for marrying Viserys first even though she had no choice in the matter at all.

I personally think that reading the "where is duty, where is sacrifice?" line and Alicent's criticism of Rhaenyra as just Alicent slut shaming her is quite reductive and does not do justice to the characters and the complexity of their relationship.

To me it's clear (as Rhaenyra says) that Alicent "hides beneath the cloak of her own righteousness" (the faith) because her real reasons to resent Rhaenyra are way more personal and vulnerable and ugly, but admitting that betrays how deeply she actually feels for Rhaenyra.

[lunar-solstice-plur]

Not to talk about random shit on this blog but I need to talk about Inside Out 2 because I LOVED IT so much. (this is not a professional analysis at all just ramblings) (also SPOILERS)

First things first, I loved the character designs so freaking much. Little Envy being so small she has to be carried, and her cute little dress?? I was like crying looking at her. Ennui like not even being able to sit up right cuz she cares so little. I love her emo design and just the fact that she's French is so random but I love it. I wish she had more of a role in the movie though.

Embarrassment being so big he can barely fit in the frame. His hoodie covering up his entire face except his nose is so cute. And Anxiety being high strung, like, physically, her stringy hair tied up! And her awkward smile and deer in the headlights eyes, she is we. Oh, and Nostalgia literally having rose-colored glasses lol.

And its not just the emotions, the other designs were so good! The human characters being so much more diverse (having a Muslim teammate? Woah!) and Riley still looks like herself, just grown up a little. The 2D animation was so fun, and Riley's anime boyfriend having the like kingdom hearts animation style is hilarious.

(All of that text and I haven't even talked about the plot yet!)

I have a severe anxiety disorder, and of course, the main antagonist of the movie is Anxiety, that's not a hidden thing, so I was I little worried about them making her some kind of evil character. But genuinely, she was so well done. She was genuinely trying to help Riley be her better self, she just didn't understand that what she was doing was hurting her. She was planning for the future, a few little broken promises are nothing compared to a positive future! But she took it too far, and everything got to be too much. Riley wasn't good enough anymore. And she tried to fix that too, but it just led to an anxiety attack.

Three things I particularly liked were, one, that Joy getting angry at Anxiety didn't stop her because getting upset at someone having an anxiety attack only sends them spiraling further. Two, showing grounding techniques in the movie! Focusing on the things Riley could hear, see, touch.

And most importantly, three, the fact that the message wasn't that Anxiety is a horrible emotion that should never do anything. That's such an easy trap to fall into. But no, she has a role, too. Riley needed to study for that Spanish test, or else she could fail. But they calm Anxiety down when she gets too caught up in not making the team, because mom and dad will still love us if we fail, and there's always next year.

Plus, the fact that Joy didn't know what to do. She didn't know how to deal with the new emotions, and she didn't know how they were going to help Riley get her sense of self back. And she admitted that. And in the end, she was still a little wrong, just like in the first movie. Riley's sense of self changed, and that's okay, because she's her own person and deserves the space to change and be herself, no matter what that entails. Riley still needs to be happy, but she also needs to feel afraid and angry and sad and disgusted, and of course, embarrassed and anxious and envious and bored. The bad memories may leave a sour taste, but they can't just be hidden away.

There were some parts I didn't like (the whole 'you're delusional!' bit was really unfortunate, and the 'well that's a preview of the next 10 years' actually seems quite hurtful to the development of youth's emotional expression, being shamed for emotional outbursts), but overall, I really really enjoyed it, and I'm so glad that they were able to portray these emotions that are viewed negatively by many people in a more positive light.

[cattimeswithjellie]

Stream Recap, DocM77, 6-15-24

((In which Doc intends to do an Interior Design on his shop, but instead spends two hours ranting on the tunnel bore and an hour ranting in the shopping district about that doggone sneaky Ore Snatcher! Ren comes along eventually to help him investigate. We get our first look at Doc's Mum.))

9:30 Doc opens the stream in studio view, singing along with the end of his theme song. He greets chat and tells them he is a man suffering from Emotional Stress. There is new information about the ore snatching case that has upended everything he thought he knew, and also his mom has told him that 4k subscribers is “scrub numbers” and she won’t come on his stream for less than 5k. (He is joking about that second part.) His mom is at his house, though, and he hopes she’ll come on-stream later. He thanks subs and donos. He greets the Single Ladies in the house and congratulates a chatter who has become one of Ren’s mods.

12:00 Doc tells Chat that he read the comments on the YouTube video and learned something important. He thought that the Ore Snatcher had been frightened into returning the stolen ore blocks, but in fact the ores were provided by Skizz in order to fulfill a Mission Possible task. ((the mission: Do a good deed for a Hermit without being noticed or taking credit.)) The plot thickens! Whoever the ore snatcher is, they either still have the ore blocks or they are stuck in the mail system. Doc is a homeless swamp dweller, no one can send him things in the mail! He doesn’t want to be part of another prank war, but if he doesn’t nip this in the bud, he’s going to wind up with another exploded tunnel bore. He personally still believes it is Scar despite strong evidence to the contrary. He asks Chat who they think it is.

13:40 Chat is full of ideas. Grian is by far the top suspect, if one counts votes for “ore-stealing snails” as Grian votes. Jevin and Cub are also seen as likely suspects, with votes also coming in for Tango and Big Salmon. Some chatters also believe it’s Scar, though the consensus appears to be that Scar is still traumatized from Season 9 and would not start things again. ((This is the positions Scar has taken with other Hermits out of Doc’s hearing; he doesn’t want to get in another dust-up with Doc after last seasons hiding-in-the-toilet debacle, but he will gleefully watch while Doc fights with other Hermits.)) Chat also points out that Scar already has quite a lot of diamond ore, even after recent theft issues.

15:30 Today Doc wants to use Chat’s creative brain to decorate the front of his shop. He also wants to run the new tunnel borer a little bit because it’s new and he wants to show it off. He brews up some night vision potion so the video quality will be better for chat. A chatter comments on Doc’s sudden jump in subs this month, Doc says it is wonderful but not likely to be sustainable given that it’s large numbers of gift subs that got him this far. He welcomes chatters still trickling in, admitting that it’s very early for a stream, and gets upset because someone has harvested and replanted some of his netherwort. Everyone is stealing these days, for shame!

18:30 Doc is glum because people are stealing and because he is caught in a lawsuit now. Cleo deserved it, tbh. He talks about the Doccy fund and how Karin thinks they need a vacation. Doc never needs a vacation (until he gets sick). Upon reflection, maybe he does need to take vacations, but every time he takes one he gets sick or the weather is bad. Maybe he should just stay home. He is happy in his little room playing Minecraft all day long, but normal people like doing things. His IRL friends complain when he ghosts them, but he has so many internet friends to see! Chat is divided in their encouragement that Doc should get out more and stay inside more. Doc also admits he is very careful with his money because he doesn’t want to do sponsored streams or product placements.

22:30 A chatter asks if Hermitcraft is updating to 1.21. Doc says yes and he assumes relatively soon. Xisuma was talking about a temp upgrade to 1.20.6, but Doc doesn’t know why or if that is going to happen. He would rather just wait for 1.21 for a better and less buggy update experience. Doc says that every time his mom comes for a visit the weather turns bad, but it’s clearing up now and there’s a kids’ festival somewhere so they may go to that in a little while. He confides to Chat that when he empties a shulker and doesn’t know what to do with it, he just throws it into the swamp to despawn. Somewhere, a Hermit paying three diamonds per shulker box probably cries.

25:00 Tomato update: Doc has about 35 plants this year, 60 was too much last year. Things are going well so far despite a little cold and foggy weather. Cold and fog is okay for germination but not so much for growth. Doc claims that the number of plants is due to his unhinged neighbor who wants _lots_ of tomatoes. He jumps down to tunnel bore level and drinks a night vision potion. He is considering updating the tunnel bore to play a little tune as it travels along and explodes everything, but that is the sort of redstone that is too fiddly to do onstream. The new tunnel bore is much slimmer than the old version and easier to harvest from.

27:00 Doc begins running the tunnel bore, one explosion at a time to preserve maximum diamonds. He explains how much more efficient the new bore is than the old one. The old bore is still in position near the other Hermits, ready to unleash 80 wardens on the Ore Snatcher, whoever that is. Doc speaks wistfully on how if he’d known the Magic Mountaineers were going to blow up their mountain, he’d have hidden the 80 wardens in there for them. Chat likes this idea and points out that it’s not too late, since the Magic Mountaineers have yet to do any significant grinding in their new volcano.

29:40 Doc realizes that his night vision potion did not last nearly as long as usual, Chat points out that he neglected to extend them with redstone when he brewed them. Doc complains that he has to do everything in this stream because Chat is lazy and doesn’t warn him about anything. Chat is deeply indignant because they did warn him and he doesn’t pay attention. A chatter makes a $1 dono and asks about Doc’s tattoos. Doc asks if Chat really expects him to strip for a dollar. The chatter points out that Doc has a tattoo on his arm, but Doc would have to take off his pullover and roll up his sleeve. One dollar is not even enough for Doc to take his hat off. A tip of the hat, maybe. It would cost at least a thousand dollars to see Doc’s full arms

32:00 Back to tunnel boring. Chat says Doc would be an expensive date. He says absolutely, equal rights means he gets to expect his date to pay. After being with Karin so long, he doesn’t know how to date anymore and would probably chase off a potential partner by talking about Minecraft for hours.

33:00 A chatter asks who the ore thief is. Doc immediately ramps up into rehashing the details of the ore theft/return-but-not-really. Everything is a mess now, he doesn't know if he should be mad, sad, angry, forgiving, concerned because he killed the pig, etc. It’s very complicated. People ask why he killed the pig and he explains that he cut a lot of Cleo’s dialogue for spite because they were complaining about the length of the video. Much of that lost dialogue was Cleo pointing out that the stolen diamonds were not very valuable and the redstone was not damaged, etc, without acknowledging the terrible AGONY that comes from having one’s redstone touched. Doc decided to teach them a lesson about how it feels to have something you love messed with. Chat points out that trying to teach another grown adult a spiteful lesson is actually a really good way to land yourself in court. Doc admits he might not be entitled to teach Cleo life lessons.

35:10 Doc assesses his overall position regarding the court case as being not particularly great. He’s going to plead emotional distress and diminished capacity and hope he gets a jury trial. He’s not sure about having Joe as his lawyer either, but Joe jumped on the opportunity to practice some law. But the jury trial is his best bet because Hermits do irrational things all the time and that’s pretty much the only shot he has at getting a verdict in his favor. It’s also going to be hard to be respectful to the judge. Chat suggests buttering up the judge by calling him tall probably wouldn’t hurt either. Doc figures that if Trump is still running around free, there’s got to be hope for anyone ((notwithstanding the fact that this is a civil action and Trump has not been doing super-great lately on avoiding massive civil damage judgments)).

37:50 Doc wonders if he could apply some mafia pressure tactics to the jury. He and Chat discuss the merits of various Hermits as jurors. Ren could hang the jury, but he’s but he’s a witness in the case and that’s a conflict of interest. Doc supposes a court case is probably a better outcome for him than the water bucket to the redstone that Cleo was originally contemplating. Etho should definitely not be involved in the case because he is a chaos-loving troll who would probably be a terrible character witness. Chat points out he would also be a bad juror because he’s pretty scared of Cleo. That’s a pervasive problem for potential jurors, actually, lots of Hermits are scared of Cleo.

41:00 Doc faces the possibility that he might simply have to face justice for his pigslaughter. He feels this is unfair because he was terribly provoked, even if the provocation did not, technically, have anything to do with Cleo or her special pig. He tries to cite the “Stand Your Ground” defense, reinforcing the possibility that all of his knowledge of jurisprudence comes from television, but acknowledges that “eye for an eye” refers to repaying value for damage, not actually poking peoples’ eyes out.

43:00 A chatter sends Doc a message about the Jolly Roger as the best pride flag, mentioning it makes sense because many pirates were gay. Doc does not know if this is really a thing, but it seems like it would make sense. They did spend a lot of time out at sea where it was really a sausage-fest, so who knows? Chat has feelings about the term “sausage-fest.”

44:15 A chatter suggests that since Doc can’t deny the act of killing the pig (actus reus), his best defense is a lack of culpable mental state (mens rea). He claims that it was a crime of passion, not premeditated, he was in emotional distress, and anything else he can think of. Doc hears that Bdubs is a strict judge. He talks briefly with chat about the tunnel bore work that has been continuing all this time. He has collected 55 diamond ore blocks and some loose diamonds since the start of the stream. A chatter asks a redstone question about the borer and Doc explains how it works. A discussion begins of possible modifications to the new design. Chat talks trial strategy amongst themselves in the meantime, agreeing that if anyone can plausibly claim insanity, it is Doc.

51:45 Doc mentions that the big sub droppers from the past two weeks do not appear to be around today, so it is time for sub count numbers to return to reality. He’s still going to ask his mom to stop in and greet the stream later. She doesn’t speak English, but it’s all right. For now Doc is going to keep using the tunnel bore and think about new designs for later. Chat suggests that Doc can teach the chat to learn German very quickly to get ready.

54:00 Doc notes the time and realizes how much time he has spent mining and chatting already today. There may not be very much time for interior design today after all. A chatter suggests having Doc’s mom join the server and call it Momcraft. Doc laughs at MomandDadCraft, pointing out that they do have one mom (Stress) and lots of dads (Doc, Keralis, Joe, Impulse, Tango, Bdubs, Skizz). He thinks maybe it should be Dadcraft. Chat points out there is already a streamer called Dadcraft. “Hermitcraft is DILFcraft,” Doc says, sounding as though he is reading from Chat. No one from Chat actually said that, so this is Doc’s own extremely cursed invention. Chat predictably loses their mind. Doc likes DILFcraft better than Dadcraft. But Dad is also a good title.

56:50 Doc tells about taking Doccy to gymnastics yesterday and how loud and agile the small children are. Doccy managed to climb about 12 feet into the air, which gave Doc a little heart attack. Doccy is climbing a lot now. They fell a little way a few days ago and got a bit banged up but nothing major. Kids are like rubber balls, they bounce, within limits. Doccy was fine once they realized they were not bleeding, and went straight back to climbing. Doccy is three now and using a walking bike, but their friend has a real bike and Doccy is jealous. Doc may have to provide the bike sooner than he’d planned, but he worries at how much faster a pedal-bike is than the walking bike. The Doccy fund is currently the “Buy Doccy a Bike” fund.

1:00:00 A chatter asks if the DCP (the informal Doc art collective) is a family, does Doc have a favorite? He says he has favorite art styles but he will not actually say what they are. He accuses the chatter, who is a DCP member, of just wanted to be told that they are the favorite. They’re never going to hear it! Doc thanks a new sub and mentions that it has been a little while. Next week he will probably be back around 2k subs.

1:01 A chatter asks about Doccy’s wish for a bike. Doc says a good parent tries to get their kid things that they want, but kids are impulsive and what they want tends to change very quickly. Getting a kid everything they want is how you end up with a Tiktok-addicted preschooler who doesn’t understand any gratification that is not instant. Chat is distracted by the idea that Doccy wants blue hair. Doc says Doccy will get the bike on a special occasion, the only question is when. Currently nail polish is all the rage at Doccy’s school, and Doccy got Karin to paint every finger a different color. Recent events have made Doc just a little nervous about somebody accusing him of indoctrinating Doccy with rainbows, but they are just having fun. People are crazy.

1:05:00 A child at Doccy’s school also got a temporary tattoo and that became very important to Doccy, so Doc bought a pack of 180 temporary tattoos. Doccy put one on and lost interest, leaving Doc with a lot of temp tattoos. He needs to make sure that the bike is not a similar passing fancy. One of the “single ladies” makes a dono, and Doc reiterates that he is catering to all the single moms with his good looks. Single moms and big donors are the backbone of the Doc economy. Doc clarifies that all the chatters are single moms to him. Chat is still kind of confused, but after three weeks they are getting used to it.

1:06:00 Doc has now obtained more than 100 diamond ore blocks during the stream, plus loose diamonds. He flirts shamelessly with chat and reveals he has no ring on, but promises that Karin doesn’t mind his silly behavior. The single moms in Doc’s chat appear to be mostly pet parents. Doc has learned a lot about Twitch lately. There’s a lot more to Twitch than just turning on the camera and talking crap. A chatter makes a dono “for the girls and the gays.” Doc says he thought once about whether he might be gay, just as an academic point, but he decided he was not attracted at all to the idea of kissing and being romantic with a man. Chat, of course, immediately brings up the Dad-Kisser Doc photo. Doc laughs and shares the story of the photo, which is that the Dad in question was the father of one of Doc’s Minecrack servermates and the kiss was the culmination of an escalating series of jokes between the two of them and the Dad in question. There may have been a Twitter feud involved. Doc is with Karin, Karin identifies as a woman, and she makes Doc very happy.

1:12:11 A chatter makes reference to an old Tweet Doc made about his “size.” Doc plays dumb and agrees that yes, he is very tall. Chat wants Doc to know that they remember the yoga pants. Doc actually does not remember the yoga pants. He thanks subs and tells chat that he is mostly joking about the pushes for big sub gifts, but having kids is pretty expensive. Nobody pushes too hard for cash on Hermitcraft but some of them definitely do product placements and sponsored streams. They’re tastefully done and that’s fine for them, Doc’s not judging anyone. He just doesn’t want to do product placements himself unless he really has to. He agrees that Bdubs does great sponsorship ads. He talks about how tough it is to do merch because it’s hard to find products that are not trash and don’t cost the moon. The TCG releases are the exception that proves the rule, Doc loves those very much. Chat is of the opinion that they would like merch even if it is expensive.

1:20:30 Doc talks about the fan culture on Hermitcraft. The fans want to belong, they want to be entertained, they want to be fascinated by beautiful and interesting things. Art is very important for humans. Once survival needs are covered, then art is the next biggest thing. Chat points out that Earth without art is just Eh.

1:21:30 The European Football Championships have started. Germany is doing well and Doc is moderately excited. He understands that his majority-American audience has no idea what’s going on and everyone in chat is nerds who don’t like sports talk, but that’s fine. Hermitcraft’s biggest audience has always from the USA, followed by a fair-size following in the UK. Doc isn’t as into sports as he used to be when he was actually playing.

1:24:00 A chatter is watching Doc’s stream while weeding the garden. Doc thinks this is valid, he watches streams and videos the same as Chat does, sometimes watching and sometimes just listening. Chat points out that Doc has been using the tunnel borer for an hour, so listening is an extremely valid way to experience the stream. Doc always likes the comments on his videos that say people have anticipated his video and it starts the weekend right for them. The little nice comments and kind gestures makes a content creator’s day. Some CCs don’t read their comments at all because of the negative ones, but on Hermitcraft many of them read their comments.

1:26:00 Doc receives another donation from a “single lady.” He tells a story of back before Doccy, back in the day, when he considered what it would be like to date again in his forties. Would he be a sugar daddy or look for a sugar mommy? Chat can probably guess which one he would have chosen. In the post-Doccy world, he has decided it would be nearly impossible for anything to break up his family. So no sugar mama fantasies for Doc, unless Karin wins the lottery. He lives vicariously now through Chat. Chat is amused and mildly disturbed. Doc points out that while Hermitcraft videos tend to be very family friendly, streams tend to be just a bit more spicy. Doc and chat discuss whether “ass” is a curse word when used in “I have a lawsuit on my ass.”

1:33:00 More dono and sub thanks. Doc discusses his understanding of court procedures, which suggests he believes he needs to be indicted and charged by the Poe Poe before he can be served with a lawsuit. It remains unclear whether the upcoming trial is going to be a civil or criminal action, but it could well begin with Doc getting arrested and end with Cleo getting paid because that’s just how Hermits do. Doc offers relationship advice to all the lonely hearts and single mothers in the chat. Chat offers helpful critique. A chatter activates voice-to-text to make it chant the Single Ladies song. Doc uncovers a spawner and gets shot at by a number of skeletons. He says the best level for tunnel boring is -49.

1:37:30 Chat asks how the diamond ore counter works, it is just a little program that works with Fabric and the OBS overlay to count diamond ore in the inventory. The chatters who devised it were tired of having to count manually on all Doc’s streams. Doc talks about building the rainbow beacon, it’s not something he usually does because he’s not LGBTQ+ himself but he knows it means something to people in the community to be an ally. He lost 500 subscribers and got some angry comments but it was surprising to him that any people in the community are homophobic with LGBTQ+ players on the server who are an integral part of it. Doc doesn’t want to mix politics into Hermitcraft, but this is not a matter of politics to him. He appreciates all the members of the DCP and in the fan community who are LGBTQ+ community and wants them to feel included.

1:45:00 Doc discusses more of his ideas on tolerance, religion and politics. ((To catch all the nuance, it’s better to just watch the stream than to read someone else’s summary.)) During this time he reaches 200 diamond ore blocks collected during the stream.

1:52:30 Doc tells the story of the time at EuroDisney with some other Minecrafters when a bunch of drunk Dutch tourists showed up at the bar they were in and tried to stir up a bunch of trouble. They were using racial slurs on the bartender, throwing their weight around and trying to pick fights, etc. They started to pick on Bdubs, who was visiting Europe for the first time. Bdubs didn’t react to them, which made them mad, and one of them grabbed for him. Doc punched the guy, because nobody attacks his friends. Bdubs probably didn’t even need the help except that there were three very big guys there. Guude and Pyro were also there, but Guude was half-asleep at the bar and Pyro is tiny, so what to do? If you are Doc, the solution is “punch the biggest guy,” which worked in this situation partly because the guys were very drunk. Doc backs up Bdubs claim of being 5’10, but Dutch people tend to be tall and these guys were around 6’4. Chat is skeptical about the height claim but they like the story.

1:57:30 A chatter asks if there is a schematic available for the new tunnel bore yet. There is one on the Redstone Archive discord for a smaller version of the bore, but nothing for this size of a tunnel bore. A chatter wishes Doc happy Father’s Day (tomorrow in the US) but it’s on a different day in Germany. Doc says he’s a father every day. In Germany the tradition for Father’s Day is to go out and get drunk, but Doc does not really do that. It’s been a long time since he last drank. Chat mentions that if they are all single mothers, they do not have to care about Father’s Day either. Doc tells a story about growing up in a poor neighborhood in an apartment building with a drunk and angry neighbor who hurt his own family. It made him not very fond of alcohol and drinking.

2:00:00 A chatter asks why Doc doesn’t use freecam to check for diamonds faster than running back and forth down the tunnel bore. He says the freecam is very resource intensive on the PC, and also that use would be borderline cheaty. Plus he’s not in a hurry on this project. He and chat have a conversation on how growing up around alcohol affects people’s use of it. Doc doesn’t believe straight edge is the best way to be, but some people are more inclined to it. Still, alcohol is a dangerous drug that doesn’t get enough recognition.

2:02:00 Doc hits 250 diamond ore. He is enjoying today’s chatty and chill stream. He talks about his friend Methodzz’s family brewery and drinking that beer at Hivemind meetings. That is very good beer. He keeps trying to convince M to sell online, but they don’t have that kind of manpower. He jokes about starting up a business partnership for GOAT beer, only available in 5-liter kegs. He would do product placement streams for GOAT Beer. (There could be GOAT Champaign Strawberry Punch for the Chat, who are, as established, single ladies.) Chat has opinions on what they want to drink.

2:07:00 A chatter asks if Doc’s mom is going to appear onstream, he says it seems unlikely for now. She is busy with Doccy and they are going places today. Doc planned on doing interior designing today but he got stuck in the tunnel.

2:12:00 Doc gives Methodzz credit for getting witch farms buffed, because apparently he talked to Kingbdogs about it enough that it happened, and to a much greater extent than predicted. Now witch farms are insane. He assures a chatter that they can pretend to be a single mum, they don’t have to kill their husband to become one. Chat likes talking about murder. There are a lot of songs about women killing their husbands, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.

2:14:00 Doc advocates for life with a tunnel bore. He’s had a tunnel bore since S7, life without one is not the same. He tells Chat he will be roasting a chicken later, but his mom has already done all the prep work. He likes the way he cooks it better, though. He shares his technique. He talks about his mom’s new weight loss diet.

2:18:10 Doc signs onto his test world to look at a schematic of the tunnel bore. Hivemind member TheWhiteEyes has ripped apart the tunnel bore and rebuilt it with a trigger on each end so he only has to run across the machine half as often. The design is not elegant, but it’s a good proof of concept. Doc says the best way to do the design and still make it compact would be one switch in the middle. He returns to Hermitcraft and resuming boring.

2:22:00 Doc takes his last night vision potion and says he’ll stop when it runs out. A chatter asks whether the borer is more efficient than caving, he says it’s hard to say because he hasn’t been grinding out, just talking and being chill. He jokes with chat about MILF hunting, chat says he is unhinged. Doc points out this is the most chill stream he’s had in ages. A chatter comes in and says hello, Doc scolds them jokingly for being two hours late. He only likes chatters who give up their whole social life to be in chat on time. Unless they are minors, minors are not allowed in his parasocial circles.

2:28:00He tells Chat to touch grass and immediately regrets it. Chat reminds him not to tell Scar to touch grass, he got stuck in tall grass just the other day. Doc laughs and agrees that Scar is the unhinged one. A chatter jokes they are not sure they are allowed to joke about that. Doc says he lost his inhibitions about that when Scar posted his Real Life video and showed himself falling out of his chair and getting picked back up, all set to silly music. Doc no longer feels any compunction about laughing at Scar’s mishaps. Chat thinks Doc must be the only hermit who watches other hermits’ videos. During the server tour, the other hermits were really surprised about what Doc was up to, and complained again about his videos being too long. Doc makes another borderline joke about size and laughs at himself.

2:30:00 Doc reaches 300 diamond ore mined during the stream. He runs out of potions and decides he is done. He assures Chat that the shulker boxes along the wall are not forgotten, he keeps extra potions in them. He returns to the surface and lands at his base. Apparently leaving a shulker box somewhere or dropping something is a great way to farm a bunch of comments from the concerned and observant viewers. Chat is mildly appalled by this revelation. Doc has very close to a full shulker of diamond ore blocks again, He is wealthy again now!

2:34:00 Doc says he has been watching Grian leave and rejoin the server for awhile now. He’d better go to the shop and see if anything is broken. It’s never wise to assume Grian is not up to something. He places down and mines up all his diamond ore miniblocks so they will stack with each other again. Chat agrees, with no evidence at all, that it was Grian. Doc assembles a decorating kit and heads for the shopping district. The buffer at the ghast farm is full so he kills a few of them before they get too squished.

2:37 Doc arrives at the Nether hub. Nobody has taken Scar up on his idea of making their portals are really deadly. Doc thinks it would be funny, but not being able to use the nether hub would actually be pretty inconvenient. The Hivemind has some ideas in reserve and they are eager to help if Doc ever gets into it, though. Doc arrives at the store and realizes he forgot white glass. He discusses his plans for decorating the shop interior. He freecams into the guts of the armor trim machine and all the headphone users suffer for it as he discovers another block of diamond ore has been replaced with deepslate. Doc threatens the “ore snatching bastard” that he will find them and eat their soul. Grian has been sneaking, he is SUSPICIOUS. Chat’s collective ears are still ringing. Doc says he should’ve released the wardens on “Buttcrack Mountain” because nobody truly innocent lives there. Still no sign of snails. Doc admits the block was unpowered but it’s the principle of the thing.

2:42:00 Doc admits he dropped his guard. He’d been planning to build an alarm system that would drop wardens on anyone who broke a block, but relaxed when he’d thought the diamond ore was returned. Turns out they were not returned, they were replaced by Skizzleman, and the ore snatcher was still at large! The ore snatcher is clearly selecting highly visible blocks just to taunt Doc, and it is working. Doc is literally spitting mad and it is not possible to understand everything he says. He needs to catch the Ore Snatcher in the act. Without catching them red handed, there is no proof. He needs a security system.

2:44:00 To Doc, the most annoying thing is having something break and not be 100% how it is supposed to be. Someone is trying to drive the friendly swamp creature INSANE, but why? Because it is funny, probably. He removes the top-level diamond blocks and replaces them with other blocks. He doesn’t bother collecting up the ore blocks that fall. He decides to go talk to Ren. Another pig might be killed today.

2:47:00 Doc flies to Ren’s base and looks for him. He sings “Chocolate Ren,” then looks for Ren’s coords. Ren is not far away but he doesn’t see Doc. Doc pursues him and asks him for help. Ren gets his mic turned on. Doc tells him the Ore Snatcher struck again and needs to be caught. He needs Ren to stay online 24/7 and leave Replay mod on, sticking close to Doc’s shop so he can cover it. Start a project in the shopping district to keep him close to the shop and just grind until the culprit is caught. Ren jokes that this sounds very reasonable, and that he’s like the clerk at the gas station who has to review all the security tapes every night to see if anybody tried anything. Ren says he’ll do it for 120 Euros per hour. Doc tells Chat that he needs subs immediately. A few chatters sub, and Doc offers to pay him 2.50 an hour.

2:52:00 Grian signs on and Doc tells Ren this is the prime suspect. It’s either him or Scar. Ren is not convinced, Grian has not been around much this week. More subs come in and Doc tells Ren the single ladies are going crazy for him. Ren sings the song. Scar was very convincing in talking about his innocence, but he might just be a much better liar than believed. Ren says maybe it was the person he least suspects. They talk about whether it might be XB or Joel. Doc doesn’t want it to be Joel. Joel is completely crazy, and if they get in a war, the server will be destroyed. Joel has no motive, though. Angry Bird or Offroad Guy are the only ones who poke the Goat with no motive.

2:55:00 Ren asks if maybe someone has a residual grudge from things that happened last season. Doc the Sand Baron says that’s ridiculous, who would be so petty as to hold a grudge past the end of the season? Ren laughs. He asks if there were any conflicts while setting up in the shopping district and Doc says no, apparently forgetting Big Salmon entirely for the moment. Usually when someone is pranking Doc, he at least knows why it is happening and whether he deserves it or not. But he’s been chilling lately and now he needs to destroy someone. Ren agrees it is a conundrum. Doc brings up the possibility of reassembling Team Star to get his revenge, but the viewers would hate it because it’s been done before. Chat is actually pretty enthusiastic about the idea.

2:56:00 Doc notices a chatter saying that Ren sounds sus. He considers this possibility. Ren says he has been very focused on his lore. Doc agrees that Ren doesn’t want to be distracted by prank wars. Ren says he and Doc have been through a lot together and he does not stray. He points out that, as promised, he not only didn’t kill False in Demise, he made sure she won. Doc agrees that his husband is loyal. Ren admits that this is starting to sound like a case of the gentleman protesting too much. Doc explains that with his mom around, he couldn’t monitor the server like he wanted to and that how the Ore Snatcher managed to strike. Ren asks to see the evidence.

2:58:00 Doc and Ren go back to the armor trim shop. Ren thinks the shop is looking very good already. Doc wants to hire Cleo to make it look like a cute boutique, but that’s a problem with the whole lawsuit thing. He shows Ren the missing block. Ren notices the loose blocks from earlier, but Doc doesn’t care about those. Doc is wondering now if there were two culprits because the first culprit took a block with powered redstone on it, which is very risky, while the most recent block removals were carefully chosen to be inactive blocks. Doc is now the most annoyed in the history of everything, and he has to admit that it would be really funny except it’s happening to him.

3:03:00 Ren advises Doc that the snatcher be snatching, the snatcher will not be replacing. He suggests that sometimes rich people get additcted to shoplifting from stores, taking things even they don’t need them. Doc asks if he’s suggesting that it actually was Cleo, and that Cleo is a kleptomaniac. He says no, but somebody has an addiction and they can’t go back. Doc says Cleo is definitely a kleptomaniac. Doc points out that people leave Ren alone,, then has to add “aside from the village people,” lest the world collapse under the weight of pranks he’d have to be ignoring from earlier in the season. Ren is too deep in the lore to desert his neighbors now. Doc has now talked himself into believing that the Glitcher is several people. Ren thinks that it feels so incredibly Cub that it probably can’t be Cub. They both pace the store.

3:05:00 Ren wants to know when Doc will get the shop open, because he has been waiting for weeks now for armor trim. Doc protests that he has been very distracted and it’s not his fault. Ren says he spent all the diamonds he had set aside for armor already. That’s fine, Doc tells him, it will only cost him sand. Doc also thinks it’s highly coincidental that once Scar opened a shop in the Shopping District, right in sight of Doc’s shop, that’s when things started disappearing. ((The timeline here is very hinky, but Doc is clearly on a roll.)) If he catches Scar at it, he’s going to chop off his arms. Ren is supportive.

3:06:00 Ren mentions the prank on the Death Scar and seems to be making some kind of point, but they are not in a group and he keeps falling out of range. Ren suggests that this may be an elaborate two-front prank by Jevin. Doc considers this, but he’s pretty sure Jev absolutely exhausted himself placing all that yellow concrete. He’s not sure he’s even seen Jev online since then. Ren says that Doc is sleeping when Jevin is online. Doc protests that there has to be a motive. There was a motive for the Death Emoji prank ((Scar put a creeper in Jevin’s house, in retaliation for Jevin killing a bunch of allays for his head shop)), but there’s no obvious motive for the Ore Snatcher but amusement. Also Jevin was very careful to leave no doubt as to who did the emoji prank, unlike the Ore Snatcher.

3:08:00 Doc muses about the time that he shot Scar out all the way to the world border without telling him he was doing it, then made him kill himself to get home. Surely Scar wouldn’t want revenge for that, would he? Ren suggests maybe Wels, who lives nearby and might have been a little torqued about the enormous goat-headed man statue appearing outside. Doc ruminates that telling him he wouldn’t rap battle with somebody living in a 2012 castle might have been a little harsh. Chat hasn’t seen Wels online lately, and they think Ren is blaming a lot of non-Ren Hermits. Ren thinks this seems especially targeted, to go after the redstone of someone who has made their name and reputation as a redstoner. It’s like going for a footballer’s ankles, he explains. “Or a porn star’s balls,” Doc agrees soberly.

3:09:50 Doc, who has possibly been down a dark hole too long, proceeds to explain his theory that 90% of his chat are single moms. Ren doesn’t even know where to begin parsing this information, especially since it takes him a minute to realize Doc is taking the piss. Now that the sub rush is over, Doc feels like the single ladies are abandoning him. Ren says that’s the story of his life. Doc says it’s difficult with the ladies, being middle-aged gamer nerds. Ren agrees, they had to spend the prime of their youths building their channels and didn’t have a chance to meet that special someone. Doc smugly tells him to speak for himself. Crushed, Ren admits he meant the royal “we.” Fs in the chat for Ren. Doc continues on in this vein, apparently not realizing that he’s being a little mean talking to a single guy about how impossible it is to date in their line of work.

3:13:00 Doc asks what Ren is cooking for dinner, then interrupts himself to point out that some of the single ladies in his chat are actually single ladies. Doc says maybe he should set up a dating service with chat. Ren says this sounds like the start of a 100-Hour Cringe Compilation that he does not want to be a part of. Doc imagines a “Dating Game” style game show where Ren says nothing but innuendos. He thinks that would go over well. Ren thinks it would be entertaining but he would never recover.

3:14:00 Doc’s mum finally appears on the stream! She speaks to him briefly in German and only glances at the stream, then leaves. Apparently she was reminding him that if he wants to cook that roast chicken today he’d better get started, because she is hungry. Doc tells Chat that he wanted to stream till he got to 5k subs again, but Chat was slow and how his mom has told him to get off the computer. He tells Ren to start streaming so he can raid in, but Ren has streamed five days in a row and needs a break. Ren sends Doc off to dinner, Doc reminds him to keep an eye on the shop and make sure nobody is stealing. If Ren catches the thief, he’ll get free armor trims all season long. Ren says if he catches the thief, he wants 500 subs. Doc is aghast. Taxes and children cost money! Ren takes off, Doc thanks the subs and donos, then says goodbye to the stream. He notices at the last minute that the overlay is not working right again, but has to leave. He raids into Martyn (which becomes its own whole thing) and ends his stream.

[mattslolita]

i'm sure alot of you are well aware about the current situation circulating @/selenascorner.

the very first time i ever spoke to her, selena texted me first on may 10th of this year, sending me the 'blackgirls4chris' picture. she said she loved my page and at the time she saw my post about hateful and racist anons in my friend's inbox. i guess she was trying to cheer me up? i have no idea.

two days later she texted me again checking in on me, which i definitely appreciated and found really sweet of her. we had a conversation about an irl girl she was having problems with, and i was comforting her about it and giving her advice on it. i just wished i could've found out sooner what kind of person she was before i gave my time and energy to someone like her.

on may 16th she texted me first again, asking me how i was and i asked her how she was - she told me she had relapsed again. it was due to another mutual of mine, but i will respect her and not mention who she is due to the fact that her name is currently being dragged thru the mud and she in fact does not deserve this the way selena made me believe. she told me this mutual friend 'traumatized' her because of the decision she chose to no longer talk to selena. my mutual friend made it clear ( from the message selena sent me from their dms ) that she was not intentionally trying to hurt her. selena has triggered my mutual friend because of the things she told her, and my mutual friend said she needed space to protect herself, and rightfully so.

and that's where i come in with my story and experience.

i gave selena my instagram to text me more because i genuinely wanted to be there for her. i should've listened to my friends, because they tell me sometimes i put myself in a bad situation due to me wanting to be there for EVERYONE.

every other day i texted her, she was always telling me how she had attempted, as well as self harm. as someone who used to self harm myself, this was so triggering to me especially with the things i have going on in my own life. but because i know what it's like to have done these things before, i have constantly tried to help her and be by her side no matter what. alot of the time, she made it seem like she couldn't get help no matter how many times i urged her to try. every attempt always ended in a text with her saying no or just completely saying she couldn't get help and nothing would help her. there are so many options to get help for self harm and suicide, and i will provide links at the end of this for any of you out there who have struggled with these same things.

as time went on, i began to feel emotionally drained and helpless about selena. i wasn't sure what to do to help her anymore, yet i still tried my best because i didn't want her to feel like she was alone. but a person can only take in so much shit before they eventually began to break down.

selena had become toxic towards me, and even whilst seeing that i told myself she still deserved a good friend and she just needed reassurance someone would be there for her. about two and a half weeks ago i told all of my friends due to my circumstances of my own situation, i would be inactive on instagram and tumblr because i needed to take time for myself. one day i was able to get back to people and text them. when i texted selena, i apologized for not being as active. she called me selfish, said i only cared about myself and never bothered to try and help her when she needed me.

after everything she had told me and all i tried to do to help her, she called me selfish because i didn't text her back. she has a victim complex as well as toxicity. i felt trapped being her friend at this point, because any thing i said i needed to be careful so it didn't set her off. i should've to my friends after getting their advice on this because she was clearly taking a toll on my mental health. she's scared me multiple times when she told me she had attempted.

i repeatedly told selena that i loved and cared about her so much, yet to no avail. she asked me about a few of my friends one day, asking if they were safe people to talk to. not thinking anything of it, i told her they were because they are. they ended up telling me she had texted each of them, beginning to trauma dump on them as well. i found it mighty fucking fishy that the things she would tell my friends did not always add up to what she talked to me about.

one of my best friends friend in particular experienced this trauma dumping, triggering experience with selena.

my best friend texted me and told me selena had texted her, asking if she could tell her some things. boom, she dumps all these things on her - now i know my best friend, and i know she's not gonna beat around the fucking bush about things and she'll tell you exactly how she feels. my best friend gave selena the best advice she could, telling her that she should seek some type of help. selena responds to her coldy, telling her there was no way she could get help. and rightfully so, my best friend blocked selena. my best friend made it clear to selena that she already had enough negativity in her life and if selena wasn't going to take her advice for trying to help her, she could no longer talk to her anymore.

selena then texts me and tells me how my 'best friend' traumatized her from the way she handled things. i will admit truthfully, i felt bad and i told selena i was so sorry for what happened and that my best friend blocking her wasn't the best way to handle things. but in all honesty? i said that to selena because i didn't want her thinking i was 'choosing sides' because then i felt she'd get mad at me. and i didn't want her to get mad at me. i was so afraid that selena might go off to other people and tell her i acted like my mutual friend i mentioned earlier.

and now after everything that's happened, my best friend was right for blocking her and protecting her peace, as well as my mutual friend no longer wanting to communicate with her. selena proceeded to be angry with me when i told her i understood my best friend's side, because there's always two sides to a story - she made me out to be a bad friend for defending my best friend, going as far as to tell other people about the situation. selena made me feel like i had to either choose her or my best friend, and that's when i decided i was done.

i was tired of the constant guilt she was giving me, making me feel like i was a bad person for how i felt and my decisions. she said i chose my best friend over her, hurting her and saying how she trusted me and how she never judged her. NOT FUCKING ONCE did i ever judge selena for anything she's been through or what she's told me.

i ultimately decided i couldn't keep this toxicity in my life, because she was draining me and all my friends could clearly see she was taking a toll on me. so i decided to tell selena it was not a good idea to be her friend anymore. i told her i still cared about her alot and would love her always, but i couldn't handle it anymore. i made it known that multiple times i wanted to tell her how triggering she could be and how much she's affected me. selena then proceeds to apologize for everything, say she didn't want to lose me as a friend and everything - and me being me, i ended up feeling terrible because i didn't want her to feel alone. but she needed to realize how she made me feel and how toxic our friendship had become.

she sent me one final text, once again making everything about her. she told me the first 'red flag' from me was how i chose my best friend's side over hers even though i made it clear i wasn't 'taking sides'. i left her on read after her final goodbye and her wishing me the best in the future. i felt a huge weight off my shoulders because i had finally rid myself of the clear toxicity i was enduring being friends with her.

now i find out that selena's been dragging my fucking name through the mud, calling me a bad person and making me out to be so terrible to other people. even after everything i had gone through for her, all the times i tried to be there for her, this is what i get for being a fucking people pleaser, wanting to help anybody and everybody.

i don't even want to get into selena sexting minors, because what the actual fuck - i didn't even find out about that until yesterday, and it digusts me. for those of you defending her by saying "oh she's still a minor herself!" so let me ask you this, would you let your eight grade sister / brother date a grown as the fuck senior in high school? because it almost as equivalent to that. and you should be ashamed for defending someone like that.

i encourage anyone who's gone through the same thing as me to immediately notice the signs and cut whoever you cut out of your life, because it can and will negatively affect her. selena has done this to multiple friends of mine and / or multiple people i'm associated with, and they've unfortunately had this same experience with her. nobody deserves to go through this at all, and if you ever want to talk to me about anything or you guys need anything at all, my inbox or pms are open to anyone. and yes, i'm a safe person to come to because i genuinely care about all of you and your wellbeing. please be mindful and safe of the things you say to others, because you could end up having put yourself in a terrible situation because of it.

here are the links to some suicide prevention hotlines for anyone who needs them :

i love you all, please take care of yourselves and be safe on this app!

[ultravioletqueen]

I love hazbin hotel but....nerdy prudes must did MANY things BETTER

I currently have a love-hate relationship with Hazbin Hotel, because whether I like it or not it was part of my adolescence since I saw the pilot, but I must admit that it has flaws that irritate me a lot and I know that it irritates others too:

my main problems are:

1) the humor is too immature to be a program "for adults" (there are fans who are not even older, I'm not saying that, the conventions say it💀),its the humor of a teenager that recently learned what swear words are.

They pretend this show is more complex and deep than it really is,thry want us yo believe that this is how an adult show works when,NO???? THERE'S PLENTY OF ADULT SHOWS THAT WORKS WITHOUT CONSTANT SWEARING AND SEX JOKES! like My Aventures with Superman, Moral Orel, Bob's Burgers and others!

The audience of Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss are mostly teenagers, not even adults.

2) the villains have no depth nor are they intimidating, I'm talking especially about VALENTINO and ADAM (as much as I love Adam, I don't feel intimidated by his presence) and they don't feel like a real problem for the protagonists.

ADAM is the biggest villain of the first season but i never see him as a threat,the characters don't feel in danger,he is not a bigger evil they should care about. Adam had a lot of potential to be the big villain they tell us he is,he in fact had the potential to be the best character of the series but they just make him a douchebag just for the sake of being one,he has no motivations besides being a sadist that enjoys killing his descendants and fucking around.

VALENTINO is just a petty manchild that is intimidating in just one scene and after that there is no other moment where that threatening persona shows up again,he is not a real threat even if he is important to Angel Dust arc,they could put travis in his place and is just the same shit, nothing changes.

3) the characters have no variety, the lack of diversity and other colors that are not red is so annoying to me as a person who likes to find variety on colors and shapes, but all, i mean ALL characters have red in their clothing and it makes that they mix with the background in a way that gives me the ICK.

In the part of body shapes is the same problem, the only characters that are not skinny twinks/voluptuous chicks are antagonists or villains, they just make the fat characters annoying just to make the audience like the skinny ones more.

The women and men bodies are practically the SAME FUCKING THING:

Vivziepop only knows hourglass and twink bodies.

And as a fashion lover i must say that the lack of variety in clothes,especially for men is KILLING ME, every man in this show uses suits, shoulder pads and bowties, even if some characters looks good it make my blood BOIL no seeing other look more than this.

4) They rush the story to the point that they waste possible arcs for the characters (SIR PENTIOUS'S and ANGEL DUST path to redemption),they make the war to heaven the priority instead of the real premise of redeming sinners,they ignore it and not even make real attemps to let the audience know there is a real progress and the ways they use to "rehabilitate" are so childish that makes me cringe,if CHARLIE really wants to help them she should make REAL REHABILITATION PROGRAMS instead of kids excersises.

ANGEL DUST was a prick from day one,not only in the pilot but also in the series,he is a pos that DESERVES ALL THE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPEN TO HIM, and he was not only an addict to drugs and sex, he was a MOBSTER, HE KILLED PEOPLE FOR A LIVING AND HE SHOWED NO REMORSE, his sudden caring for the other cast feels so out of character and rushed that makes me ANGRY.

The redemption of Sir Pentious was so rushed that makes me feel NOTHING AT ALL because we dont see him get better, we dont see him chance and we dont even know how sacrificing himself redeem him, i dont know, maybe he was very selfish in life??? Its not that hard viv.

Now, what does this have to do with Nerdy Prudes Must Die? It's very simple, Nerdy Prudes Must Die takes several of Hazbin Hotel's flaws and makes it BETTER.

1) the humor is universally funny, it is not sold as something for adults because it has swear words or sexual jokes, it is not shown as something more mature or profound than it is, they know that it is not the eighth wonder of the world and they make the most of it doing comedy, improvisation and very funny situations.

Their songs, for example, are very fun and bring weight to the plot. Each song shows a perspective and the thoughts of the characters that cannot be expressed in words. Each musical number enters the minds of the protagonists, from the beginning to the end.

2)MAX, the villain of the story, is the nightmare of every teenager who has gone to high school, a bully who gets his way and makes everyone's lives impossible, and that makes him SCARY AS HELL.

When MAX enters the scene you can see the fear that everyone has of him, he feels intimidating and inspires fear and respect among others, everyone knows that if he is around there are SERIOUS problems and he acts like a true threat.

and MAX is deeper than he seems, unlike ADAM or VALENTINO you can notice that he has certain qualities that make him charismatic such as being naturally funny, appreciating when people do good things for him, having a genuine interest in GRACE CHASTITY and that his family life not being the best means that you can have even some affection for the character without leaving aside his actions against others.

All the characters represent the average 17 year old teenager and that makes them friendly, they show the reality that adolescence regardless of who you are has its problems especially in an environment like high school.

The protagonists are sympathetic, it's easy to get attached to them, I still haven't get over RICHIE'S death and his "im not a loser" because we saw that in fact he wasn't just a loser, he was a someone who, although he had his problems, was a good boy and he didn't deserve the ending he had(and his dead showed how sadistic Max could be).

Unlike Sir Pentious and Angel Dust we were able to see more of Richie, we were able to see that he was the one who felt the worst about what they did to Max, while the others are worried about going to prison he talks about how he feels about it (" i think im gonna throw up"/"oh my ashtma is back"), we can see that he wanted to be accepted as someone important on the team and when he finally feels valued Max kills him when he feels his kingdom crumble, in my opinion his "im not "a loser" is a way of giving himself confidence or courage to confront his bully from years ago but obviously it didn't work and he ended up dying in a horrible way, what makes it sadder is that he probably tried to run away from max and ended up in the bathroom because every victim of bullying knows that it can be a safe place (locking yourself in a cubicle until the bully leaves) but Max being a ghost didn't work:(

the characters are empathetic almost without wanting to, even MAX can be empathetic if you analyze enough.

3)there are more diversity here than any other series of vivziepop, i know is different because is a live musical with real people but they make sure that EVERY CHARACTER IS MEMORABLE, every character has his own quirks and clothing that makes them stand out.

We see variety of colors, races, faces and more! They make them iconic and easy to remember in all scenes, no character is left behind and they all are unique in clothes, personality and depth.

4)The story doesn't feel rushed, they take enough time to tell the story without making it too long or shortening it either, each arc is resolved in a way that goes well with the plot and doesn't feel forced.

My god, STEPH AND PETER have more chemistry than CHARLIE AND VAGGIE and they achieved it almost effortlessly. Their arc is not the best in the world, but I love their dynamics and chemistry more than CHARLIE and VAGGIE (and I like Chaggie in concept) and the story advances without the need to focus only on one character, everyone has their moment to shine and that fascinates me about this musical, each one is in the spotlight at the right and necessary moment.

In conclusion: Vivienne should learn from starkid, who were able to make a story that, although it begins superficially with a teenage drama, over time becomes deeper and talks about hard topics such as bullying, murder, death and the occult. way that we can feel connected with the characters and with the story in general, they give us a story with soul, something that unfortunately makes the hotel fail completely, it also helps me accept that I can like a series and still recognize its mistakes and see That others can get it right where Hazbin Hotel went wrong.

[thebetawolfgirl]

Back To You

Pairing: Timmy x Reader

Warnings: Mentions of drug use and smut.

A/N: Grab a snack and a hot beverage and cozy up with this one.

Back To You

She had seen the photos when she landed back in LA, of Timmy in the pool with Eliza. He looked high as anything and absolutely awful. Eliza clearly had him smoking the strong stuff, and she had been trying to contact his agent Mark for two days straight with no success.

She was in her kitchen just wiping down her units when she got an urgent knock on her door. She opened it and gasped as she saw Mark standing there with a terrible looking Timmy before he fell against her wrapping his arms around her tightly and burying his face in her neck.

‘Y/n. I’m sorry.’ He mumbled tearfully.

She held him against her tightly and set her glare on a sheepish looking Mark.

‘I want him to stay with you for a while, maybe take him somewhere-‘

‘Oh trust me I will be taking him away from here and I won’t be telling anyone ESPECIALLY YOU and those parasites you call his PR team!’ She growled at him laying Timmy on her couch and returning her glare on Mark.

He looked down shamefully ‘I didn’t think she would get him so high. He smokes weed with Scott sometimes-‘

‘NOT THIS MUCH!’

After she kicked Mark out of her house she called her older brother to come for them and take them to the lake house she inherited from her grandfather. She packed a suitcase for both of them and woke Timmy up just as Josh drove into her driveway, Timmy was still kind of out of it so she and her brother had to walk him to his pickup and put him in the back seat.

She and her brother drove to the pier silently, although Josh knew his sister was fuming. She had been trying to get in contact with Timothée’s agent for two days to demand he get him away from Eliza. She was a beautiful woman to be sure, but she was also well known to be antisemitic and very anti-Jewish. Or so y/n had heard from many people.

They arrived at the pier and thankfully it was quiet so they got everything onto the boat and then helped Timmy on and under the well furnished deck, y/n closed the door from the outside and sighed.

‘You need to do something about this y/n.’ Josh whispered so as not to be overheard. ‘They can’t keep dumping him onto every greedy celebrity who wants a piece of him. He’s still figuring this world out, this industry. He needs to stand up to them and just tell them no more.’

‘I know Josh!’ Y/n sighed again leaning against the door closing her eyes. ‘I know I need to tell him to set boundaries with his management. But like you said he’s new to this industry. He grew up in New York and around the theatre. And he’s worked his ass off to get where he is now, and he’s always afraid he doesn’t deserve it. He’s so self conscious about his talent. He overthinks every little detail.’

‘And that’s what drew him to you, he’s not like all the other assholes you’ve met in Hollywood. He’s real. And he’s down to earth.’

Josh looks at his sister as she smiles and nods.

‘Maybe this break will give you both the courage you need to finally get together and make it official. Put us all out of our misery.’

She scoffs and shoves him.

‘Get off my boat, I need to get going before it gets dark.’

‘Take care of each other.’

He jumps off as she begins to move out of the dock and sail off towards the mountains that held the large family lake house.

The house was surrounded by a large lake and hidden within even bigger mountains. On the outside it just looked like a family of huge mountains so it was the perfect place to hide a beautiful lake house in the middle of a small island.

Y/n tied the boat to the dock and took the cases into the house first then came out to get Timmy. He was a bit more awake when she went downstairs and she smiled at him as he looked around him.

‘Hey sleepy head, ready to go inside?’

‘Where are we? Last thing I remember was falling into your arms then passing out.’

‘Well after a… talk with Mark we decided it would be better if you and I went on a little break, just until you get back on your feet.’

He nodded and got up slowly and followed her outside, it was getting dark out so there wasn’t much to see but the lights from the house, so they went in and she instantly got him something light to eat then he just wanted to go straight to bed.

The next morning just as the sun was beginning to rise Timmy woke up feeling a lot better after some much needed rest and got up looking for y/n. He found her outside on the front porch and finally saw his surroundings and was in complete shock at the beauty around him. Y/n had never taken anyone here before, this was her sacred place, a sanctuary for her to escape the madness of Hollywood. The fact that she chose to bring him here to recover was everything to him. He walked over and sat down beside her before crawling onto the bench and lay his head on her lap sighing when she began to play with his hair.

‘Did you sleep well?’ He nodded closing his eyes contently.

‘Thank you for bringing me here. It’s beautiful.’

She smiled brushing his curls from his eyes. ‘I thought it was time to share my sanctuary with you. And there’s no better place to heal than this place. No phones, no crowds of people. Just the water and the fresh air.’

‘It’s perfect, thank you. The fact that you trusted me with this means everything to me!’

She smiles and leans forward kissing his temple as they watched the sun rising together.

After they went inside she cooked him breakfast, all of his favourites. Homemade bagels, ham and onion omelette and a bowl of oatmeal. They ate together in peaceful silence then they watched movies. Timmy turned the tv off then and they talked about where they were.

‘I don’t want to do the PR thing anymore, I’m too tired now. I’m so tired y/n. I just want to come home to you at the end of every night and wake up with you every morning. I just want it to be you and me.’

She pulled him against her running her fingers through his hair holding him tightly as he buried his face against her neck.

‘We will talk to Mark when we get home, we will end this once and for all then it can just be us. I promise.’

He nodded against her shoulder breathing her in.

He pushed her back landing on top of her resting his hips between her thighs and nuzzled her neck, shivering as she ran her fingers down his back from his shoulders to his lower back, he arched against her body as her fingers dipped into the curves of his spine and bit down on her shoulder before moving his head slightly to capture her mouth in his and sighed contentedly into the kiss as he began undressing them both. He tore the t-shirt over his head and tossed it aside as she removed her hoodie, and deepened the kiss opening her mouth more for him.

They removed and tossed their bottoms to the floor and he slowly slid into her groaning against her mouth, she gripped a fistful of his long hair as he began moving his hips against hers slowly to start but picked up his pace until he was rutting into her as she kissed and nipped his lips.

He gripped his fingers into the headboard behind her head and began ramming into her harder and faster letting his head falling against her shoulder breaking their heated and sloppy kiss as she clung to him pulling him closer against her panting heavily, he let go of the headboard and wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her against him hearing their skin of their hips meeting in loud slaps, he whimpered and moaned into her neck as she grabbed his shoulders and dragged her fingers down his back again reaching the dip in his lower spine that made him completely lose it and caused his body to convulse on top of her before melting against her. It made him twitch and pant, once he actually ripped the bedsheets apart. Her fingers running down his spine her nails scratching him slightly did otherworldly things to him he couldn’t explain. It made him choke out a gasp and made the air leave his lungs.

He gave one last deep thrust before they both came and he was able to breathe again, he trailed his lips down her neck to her shoulder blade while gently biting her skin as they came down from their high covered in a thin layer of sweat.

He rested his head against her collarbone as she ran one hand through his damp hair and the other down his arm their lower bodies tangled together in the sheets, she moved her hand up his shoulder and stroked his face lightly with her fingers, before he took her hand and pressed them to his lips and parted them as he nibbled the skin on her fingertips.

She smiled and giggled feeling his teeth graze her skin.

‘Stop it. If you’re hungry go downstairs and check the fridge.’ She mumbled in to his hair kissing the top of his head.

He grunted and continued his trail down to her wrist and sucked the pulse point there making her gasp and grip his hair tugging gently just enough to pull him back.

He was obsessed with her skin. Even when they started out as friends. He could live on her body alone. She smelled like heaven and tasted even better. When he needed to be calm she would try giving him a bottle of the perfume she wore, but that didn’t work. It was HER. Her own smell. It was like a drug to him. That’s why even though in those pool pics in the papers with him and Eliza they looked cozy when actually every time Eliza came near Timmy and he was holding like that he was ill. It took everything in him not to kiss the woman’s neck and not throw up.

But now he was back with y/n his beloved y/n. He begged Mark to take him to her, begged on his knees and Mark thought he was high as Hell, but he just needed this here right now.

He kissed a trail between her breasts tasting the dried sweat there and wrapped his arms around her waist to pull her closer and buried his face against her neck sucking on the skin lightly before laying down with her and falling asleep again.

@gatoenlaciudad

@kteezy997

@lixzey

@mel-vaz

@tchalamess

@tchalamss

@natnatj0-8

@lavendarhearts

@ducktapebar

@pmak2002

[honeyviscera]

hi i want to murder

[caffeinatedopossum]

I just had a friend thank me for letting him talk 😭 like sir that is just what a conversation is

[fromtheseventhhell]

People think Arya is so inherently unworthy that they've even demonized her relationship with her father all because he showed concern and kindness toward her