#they might be gone now but i loved them and nobody can take that history away from me

[nepenthean-sleep]

0 days since last “you can’t take loved away” -related mental breakdown

[dipperscavern]

Hello! If your 1K celebration is still going, can I please ask for spell casting with the below prompt for our Wolf in the North, Cregan Stark?

"Am I too close?" - "No, no! You're fine.."

I like to think that Cregan is quite tall and when trying to court the reader (maybe a younger sister of Black Aly?) he uses his size to grab a book from a shelf for her, or an apple from a tree...

Thanks so much, I love your work <3

hi, thank u for requesting!!

16. “am i too close?” “no, no! you’re fine..”

ʚ‎‏ ͜ ̩͙ ︵ ̩͙ ୨ ♡ ୧ ̩͙ ‏︵ ̩͙ ͜ ɞ

“Seven hells…”

you breathed out a curse, trying & failing to reach the book you’re after for what seemed like the hundredth time.

it wasn’t your fault, really. you're not the tallest, as alys had gotten all the tall genes, but winterfell seemed to be made for giants. the books on history in winterfells library were always on the highest shelf, as if the lord of winterfell themselves were only ever the ones to need them. in rooms, furs are kept on racks so high it’s a wonder nobody’s broken an ankle trying to reach them. and gods, the stables — you’d think the Father himself was riding these horses.

of course, these were just one woman’s complaints, as the men in winterfell were unlike most down south. bigger, tougher, thicker — more respectful, yes. you much liked the northmen, but sometimes, you would curse them and their ancestors aloud. like right now.

“You’d think, after giants being gone for— what?” you jumped to try and reach the book again, failing once more. “—a few years, I’d say, that one might…” you jumped in a final, but fatal attempt, missing the book by inches. “stop building castles as if expecting to host an army of them at any possible time, gods-!” you said, craning your neck upwards, looking at the book you would never crack the spine of.

you groaned, mindful of your noise, but aware that no one was in the library this time of day. “Men,” you said, to nobody but yourself. you smoothed your skirts, turning to leave and sulk on your loss. instead, you’re met with the hulking figure of the warden of the north. your potential husband.

“Lord Stark.” you say, caught by surprise. caught, most certainly — for you were just speaking in a manner most improper. he seems to know this, has to have heard you, for a small smile plays on his lips as he nods toward you in acknowledgment.

“I’ve told you when we’re alone, it’s Cregan.”

you huff out a sigh, and it amuses cregan greatly. could being called by his name be such the inconvenience? “Lord Stark is…” you start, trying to search for an excuse. cregan is your lord, his name is far too personal — even if he is courting you. “… proper.” you decide.

he begins to step closer, gaze momentarily flicking to the bookcase behind you. “My lady didn’t sound very proper a moment ago.”

your cheeks begin to pink. “I was — unaware of your presence,” you defend. “And you know my name.” you add defiantly, as an afterthought.

you think you may have overstepped, but the warmth doesn’t leave cregans face. he only licks his lips. “My lady is proper.”

you hold back your eye roll with great effort, and cregan seems to notice, deciding to take pity. “What troubles you so?” he asks, now stood in front of you. closely. you can feel the heat radiating from him, even through his layers.

you cross your arms, turning to face your mortal enemy. “A certain book eludes me..”

cregan hums. “I’ve heard this place was built to accommodate giants.”

you know he jests, but you nod anyways. “Whomever told you that must have been quite the intelligent.”

and to your surprise, the reserved lord stark of winterfell huffs out a laugh. he moves to walk forward, and this time, means to bring you with him — a hand on the small of your back guiding you along. he stops in front of the bookshelf, looking at the highest row, then at you.

“Which?”

the question is simple, yet makes warmth flood your veins all the same. you swallow your nerves, “The one with the green spine. Towards you.”

cregan stretches an arm toward the book, as per your instruction, large frame reaching it with ease. the hand on your back is warm, big; firmer as he leans forward to get what you desire.

he hands it to you, and you mutter a soft murmur of thanks. his hand is on your back, he’s just done the kindest (most attractive) gesture in the history of gestures, and he’s leaned down into your space to hand you the book. you can’t breathe.

after a few seconds, when you’ve done nothing but look at him, he seems to register the proximity. and he’s tentative, aware of his size & power, ever respectful.

“Am I too close?”

“No,” you say, much too quickly. you recognize your mistake, but it’s too late to take it back. you can only hope to correct it. “No, you’re fine.”

he catches it as soon as it leaves your mouth, and he only tilts his head, actively trying to suppress his smile. he decides you embracing oxygen is important, and straightens to his full height. that only makes your eyes go wide, and cregan might be worried if he couldn’t see the want dancing in them.

ʚ‎‏ ͜ ̩͙ ︵ ̩͙ ୨ ♡ ୧ ̩͙ ‏︵ ̩͙ ͜ ɞ

[illusoriess]

lestappen fic recs: an (ongoing) masterlist

here it finally is! because i promised!! a hopefully ongoing collection of my favorite lestappen fics, all on ao3.

LONG FICS (over 35k words)

Long Live (The Walls We Crashed Through) by Fabby | Explicit | 80.7k words

“What are you doing?” Charles asked, his voice cracking. Max blinked at him once before he smirked and said, “Well... I was going to kiss you.” “Why?” “Because I want to.” “Why?” Charles repeated, feeling like his legs were going to give out. “Is that not a good enough reason?” Max asked. OR: The childhood best friends to lovers fairy-tale-soulmates fic that nobody asked for. Charles has been in love with Max since he was seven years old.

I'm sure this one can go without saying since you all have probably read it, but it's a classic, and I'm including it on pure principle. This fic has it all.

2. Yours by loquarocoeur | Explicit | 53.9k words

Charles looks much too satisfied as Max leans back against the door, one eyebrow tugging up as he asks, “Do you want to fight?” “Of course I want to fight.” Charles only looks slightly amused. “Then fight.” "Stop fucking telling me what to do!" Max yells. Charles cocks his head. "What, because it turns you on?" Alternatively: Max doesn't want to like Charles, but Charles makes that really fucking difficult sometimes

To Bottom Max enjoyers, this will become your Bible if you haven't read it already. To tentative Max Bottom explorers, you will love this fic even if you never read Bottom Max again. But it might change your brain chemistry, so be careful.

3. half of a heaven by weiwuxian | Explicit | 38.9k words

“Good evening. I’m Charles,” he offers his hand, which Max takes and for a second, Charles thinks he’s going to kiss the back of it. Some muscle spasms in the tight grip, rough velvet against soft skin. When Charles gets his hand back, it feels like he lost a finger or two in the fight. “What’s your poison, Charles?” Max asks, settling on the barstool like it’s not designed to be the most uncomfortable chair in the world. “Cyanide, usually. I’ll settle for a gin tonic for now.” or: Charles is a supermodel that has learned everything he needs to make his world turn. Now, he has no idea what Max Verstappen wants from him.

charles' black cat energy is strong in this fic. and man's laden with issues. he's an eccentric supermodel and max is an f1 driver and big ol' simp. once again they're dumb, but they're lestappen, come on. fork found in kitchen.

4. give me that fire by Lady_Something | Explicit | 39.8k words

“Can you work with him?” Max has to take two drags of his cigarette before he can answer, and even then all he says is, “He knew I was the head chef, didn’t he.” Charles has to have known. Even if the news hadn’t reached him that Max had taken over as the head chef of Taureau Rouge, he would not have travelled all the way from Paris to London for an interview at a restaurant without knowing who he’d be working under. Still, Charles was the one who broke up with him. Max has to know, for sure. “He knows,” Christian confirms softly. “He outright laughed at me when I called and asked him to come work at one of my restaurants. It was only after I said it was Taureau Rouge, working with you, that he agreed to come.” Fuck. Fuck. Max could’ve gone his whole life without knowing that. He probably fucking should have, because how is he supposed to be normal about it? // Max and Charles have history, but it doesn't stop Charles from coming to work as Max's new sous chef. It does mean that everything changes for them both in the space of a single week.

Chef aus seem to be a trend in the f1 ficdom and I eat that shit up every time. This fic is no exception. Anyways they're so messy and flawed, it's beautiful

5. unwritten by NovaCloud | Teen and Up | 37.6k words

Reach for your dreams. Charles is trying, but it’s fucking hard. Falling in love with Max wasn’t part of his plans. Running away is easier, at least that way he won’t get hurt. Right? - Letting out a breathy laugh Charles shakes his head. He puts down the little shot glass and turns to Max, staring at him. “You spent my yearly pay check on me?" “I spent it on charity,” Max corrects him with a slight smirk as he casually leans against the bar. Charles wants to kiss it off his face. “I’m very concerned with wildlife conservation.” Charles snorts. “It’s for biodiversity.” “And that too, of course.” "You're insane, you know that?"

As someone in journalism I had to suspend my disbelief at some parts but that's honestly part of the charm tbh. Just silly, dramatic, fun, and cute. Plus billionaire Max is... yeah.

MEDIUM FICS (15k - 35k words)

straight lines (that unwind you) by 140445 | Explicit | 16.3k words

“Do you know him?” Arthur asks. “No,” Charles decides. Because he does not. He knows Max is a mathematics major, and that he plays chess. And that he hits the gym. And what he looks like when he comes. Details.

The tag "meet-cute but it's a meet-disaster" is used, which is accurate. A good mix of comedy but also heart-wrenching... sweetness? romance? they're both extremely stupid and extremely lestappen and it's just amazing. and great smut ofc.

2. home (is wherever I'm with you) by actparci | Not Rated | 17.9k

On the drive back to the hotel Max had turned to him, blue eyes fierce and piercing. “Promise me you won’t stop being angry. You’re angry because you know what you can do. Use it, control it, let it fuel you. Other people won’t understand but that doesn’t matter, you know what you’re capable of.” You and me, he’d seemed to say, we’re the same. Charles wonders now how he ever thought Max wouldn’t understand. Or: Charles leaves Ferrari, tries to win a championship, and learns some things about belonging. All the while, Max is there.

Another one you've all probably read. If I were to describe this fic in one word, it's "cathartic". Who needs therapy when you have Charles Fix It Fics???

3. kitty conundrum by linearity | Explicit | 18k words

Charles shows up to Monaco with kitty ears and a tail. Max is totally normal about it.

spoiler alert: he's not normal about it. thanks to some magical realism you get this almost-omegaverse-but-not-quite fic, and lestappen are just two horny idiots.

4. friday night; i'm in love by autumnapricot | General Audiences | 21k words

Charles hates Max. Well, not really—hate is probably far too big of a word for it. Max annoys Charles. Well, not really either, because Max doesn’t, like, do anything purposely to annoy Charles or goes out of his way or acts with ill intention, or whatever. At least he pretends like he doesn’t, so. Charles is annoyed by Max. Yes, that’s more like it. [Or—Max and Charles work together in an office, eight hours a day, five times a week. Strangely enough, it’s friday nights that bring them closer.]

They're so silly and sweet in this fic and I was endlessly endeared reading it. I'm a bitch for an office au, especially when it involves a ridiculous one-sided rivals to lovers.

5. even the sun sets in paradise by PrincessElectra | Teen and Up | 27.7k words

If he had to name the place where the story of Max and Charles began, if there was a moment that divided them into Before and After, there would be a few candidates. But there was only one correct answer. He would never forget the name. The place is called Val d’Argenton. Stories are still being written there. Charles likes to tell the story of the incident - turn by turn, infused with poetic drama, detailing every single emotion: frustration, anger, pure spite. Every time he tells it, his smile grows along with the laughter in his eyes, even as his words recount a tale of opposing emotions. “I never want to go back to Val d’Argenton,” Charles once confessed. “We’ll never go back there,” he promised, and Charles knew what he meant.

This fic is... everything <3 The hurt/comfort is just done so well; it gives meaning to the phrase "in sickness and in health." Their love is just written so beautifully.

SHORT FICS (under 15k words)

Cheating at Bingo and Other Christmas Traditions by WanderingBlindly | General Audiences | 12.4k words

"You know, there’s a very nice, very handsome young man in my neighborhood –” She starts back up, flagging down their waiter for another glass of wine. “Absolutely not,” He cuts her off with a dismissive wave of the hand. “Next topic.” “So you’re too good for him, is that it?” She sounds defensive, but her tone still has a mocking edge to it – emphasized by the quirk of her brows. Hardly holding back a groan, Charles tries to think of a way out of this. She’s like a cat, batting at him until he gives up, rolls over, and plays dead. “That’s not – I’m just busy, and it’s –” Or: Hallmark style fluff featuring an irritated Charles, a well-meaning Max, and the grandma that just wants them to kiss

Short and sweet, just pure fluff and Christmas joy. If you just want to read something nice and also pretend like it's Christmas in July, then this is the fic for you.

2. Clothes by Anonymous | Mature | 2.6k words

5 times Charles steals Max's clothes and the 1 time Max rips his clothes off of him.

cute domestic lestappen. they're adorable. that's all <3

3. Saturdays by NerdHerder12 | Teen and Up | 3.1k words

On Saturdays, Max visits Charles.

Proceed with caution. I feel physically ill after reading this fic and I really only read it when I want to hurt my own feelings. But it's so good.

4. And That's How I Foksmashed Dad's Championship Trophy by PrincessElectra | Teen and Up | 6.5k words

All of that would have been forgivable if not for the Green-Eyed Monster’s complete disregard for the pre-contracted occupation rights of Max’s lap. Such rights had long been pre-determined and belonged to Sassy (and occasionally to Jimmy, she admitted begrudgingly). However, no amount of quiet hisses and vicious glares seemed to penetrate the creature’s thick skull, and he would greedily occupy Max’s thigh for more than 95% of any given afternoon. Sometimes with his head, sometimes with his feet, and a few times he even straddled his entire body over Max; the latter could not have been comfortable for Max, as the Green-Eyed Monster was enormously overweight compared to Sassy. (Jimmy had insisted that it was not nice to shame another living creature about their weight, but she was not wrong. With her compact size and considerably more reasonable mass, Sassy was confident that she was much more comfortable for Max to have on his lap than that horrendously oversized creature.)

Another hit by PrincessElectra. The beauty of this fic is how hilarious but also fluffy it manages to be. Sassy needs to narrate all future lestappen fics, I don't make the rules

[mylittlesecrethaven]

I'm Making Fluff Headcannons Cause I'm Sad: Teachers

.....

I really only like Crewel and Sam so.... let's hope I can do the others justice.

.......

I'm scared I'm gonna write them like shit....

Crowley:

Trust me on this-

You ain't gonna be working a day in your fucking life

Nope

He's gonna get some other unfortunate student to do all the work for you

You won't even have to ask

Takes you on the most luxurious vacations ever

Frequently, too

You do hear a lot of "Aren't I so generous?"

And "Because I'm so kind~"

But honestly?

Towards you, he really is

Spoils you rotten

He does have this weird thing where he cries really easily when it's something to do with you

Happy or sad tears

Like, if you do something really awesome?

Tears of joy

If you get hurt?

Tears of sadness

Crewel:

Also spoils you

But on the lighter side

You'll still have to work

And do shit

But if you do well?

Well, you get a treat

In a metaphorical sense

Usually it's praise or something of the like

But if you do really well?

He might get you a gift

He's gotten you several dogs

And you've only been together a few months (or in a friendship, if you're wanting platonic)

Also loves teaching you potions and stuff

Yes, he's strict when he teaches you

But you still get your little treat after you finish the potion correctly

You're his living mannequin, btw

That sounds creepy

But it's not

He just loves putting you in all his new outfits he creates

Seriously, you're entire wardrobe is now filled with stuff he made

Trein:

He's already gotten you your own cat

And said cat is already best friends with Lucius

Also, be ready to become a history nerd

Cause he's gonna get you books

Mainly history books

And a shit ton of them

Also, I know it's a thing where student fall asleep in his class

And yes, it could be because it's boring

But it's also because he's got one of those voices

Y'know what I'm talking about

One of those voices

That you just love to listen to

When it's not about history

And he'll talk all you want

Gladly

Much more strict on you than Crewel

But it always surprises everyone when he's super soft with you

Cause he can be super super soft

Like a kitten at times

Vargas:

Dad jokes

I am a firm believer that this mans is the king of dad jokes

And he runs all of his dad jokes through you

Multiple times

And sometimes they're funny

And other times....

They're just stupid

Aside from that, he's a really serious guy

When it comes to athleticism, that is

Trust me, you'll be fit if you're around him

Exercise, even if you hate it, is something he'll make you do

But he won't push you super hard

He'll give you a small goal to reach

And once you've reached it, he'll up it

He's very easygoing for you compared to his students

He does drag you into his shenanigans more than he should

But you find them fun

And he always finds a way to make you laugh at some point during his little schenanigans

Loves making you laugh

Also loves you making him laugh

Sam:

Eccentric mans

Just has the most random stuff

And gives you the strangest gifts

Every day

But they always end up being practical at some point

You don't know how he does it

But you've always ended up using the gift at some point

Has you running the shop for him when he's gone

Doesn't even warn you about shit

He trusts you can handle anything

I mean, nothing from his shop has killed you yet

You've gotten a few scratches, but he's always apologized for them

And given you a treat for holding up the shop while he was gone

He does that anyway, but still

He has his own little ticks, I guess I could call them

They're like these strange little things he does for no reason

Like, there's a certain part of the floor he taps twice with his foot every day

There's a certain item he always has in stock even though nobody buys them

He has a thing where he winks every time he hears certain words

You don't know why he does it

He won't explain why either

But you kind of think they're cute

*pain* agugaugahgaugauagha

I fucking sucked on that for everybody but Crewel and Sam.

I tried to keep it mainly platonic, but idk.

These kinda suck.....

*sigh* fuck me fucking hell augaugahaguaga

This is my least favorite of these that I've done.

[chocoqtelle]

What's your beauty/allure?

Pile One

Pile Two

Pile Three

Pile Four

Pile One

You have a very nostalgic and fresh-start kind of beauty. It's like you take away people's worries and give them a different way of seeing things or feeling things. You may attract a lot of traumatized people and many people with crushes on you may struggle with mental illness. You attract these people because of your healing energy. People see you as confusing but in a dreamy way. You seem like a fantasy person that people would have to work hard to reach. It's like you're always slightly out of reach. You have a calm and balanced energy and people see you as perfect in an odd way.

Song: The perfect girl - Mareux

Pile Two

You seem like you know everything about everybody and some find it unsettling. You have a kind of scary feel to you. You might have gone through dark and scary experiences before, especially at a young age. You seem fearless. You may remind people of Nanno (Girl from Nowhere) or Yumeko (Kakegurui). You seem to just know things regardless of if anyone told you. You also seem closed off. It's like nobody knows anything about you, especially not your emotions, but you know about everyone. You seem like you always have something going on but nobody is quite sure what it is that you actually do. Extreme high priestess energy. People see you as someone who is very just and fair. They think you aren't scared of the truth, even if it's morbid. You may be desensitized to g0re, blo0d, etc. You have a lot of walls up and it makes people think you're hiding things that they could benefit from if they got closer to you.

Song: Pretty Cvnt - Sewerslvt

Pile Three

You give major "heartbreaker" type vibes. It seems like you may get many confessions and offers, especially concerning romance and s3x but don't actually accept any. If you aren't getting them now, you will likely get them soon. You're too focused on caring for yourself to take up loving another person the same way. You most likely have many options to choose from but you don't really want them. People assume you're playing hard to get but you just fr don't want them. People see you as attractive and someone they would wanna be with long-term. You're the first choice for many people even if you don't see it.

Song: This one's for you in the front row - nineishuman

Pile Four

Right off the bat, you seem like you're pitying people. You make people realize dark parts of themselves. You have an unreal feeling to you. You seem kind of AI generated. You seem very strong in a pain-tolerance type of way. Listening to anti-fragile and the number 8 may be significant in this reading. You are very alluring but it feels like a trap. You may have a bad history with love, resulting in commitment issues. People see you as "a gift from God" I hear. It's like there's no way meeting you was a coincidence. I'm getting that people see you out the corner of their eye. You seem magical and nobody can fully understand who/what you are.

Song: Me Me Me -Teddyloid, Daoko + Vocaloid Utopia - Dennoko-P

[candycryptids]

Well, now I have to pop in and ask YOU a question. Which is hard because looking over all your characters pages, I'm sobbing on the fucking floor... I love them all so much????

But! I'd really like to know what sparked Chuusday's interest in technology and how did she get so good with it?! ♡

N..nobodies ever asked that before 🫣💦 So I’ll hammer some of the details out for you RIGHT MEOW! A 2sday-Wednesday special :3

Actually we’re gonna cover a lot of ground I haven’t talked about openly before so settle in

Chuu’s fascination with Machines n the like started REAL early, early when she was small. She wanted to…. Disassemble things. Crates, shelves, alchemist tools of the trade, Mammets… carts… she wanted to lay it all out. See how it fit together. And then MAYBE put it all back together again. And she lived on an island, in a port town, with her mom (an actual Viera) who was continuously unwell and kept getting worse every time she got better and sick again, and the sunseeker chirurgeon who was trying to treat her condition, and his partner, another sunseeker who if I recall correctly, was an alchemist. So. The house she was staying in had no shortage of things a Viera with curious + grabbing destructive hands shouldn’t be grabbing.

It takes coaxing to get her to start putting stuff back together again all the time, and by that point at least she’d stopped trying to pry nails out of things (wooden objects were a pain, she found, to take apart, and piece back together, the wood sometimes was old and slightly rotted, the nails came out unkindly, the shapes were often simple.)… things with screws and bolts were… fun. Her dads (in her mind, they were her dads, but out loud, it was sir, and mister) kept trying to send her out on Missions (chores; your mom isn’t doing well, we don’t want you to have to keep hanging around the house while her every breath rattles and her every cough is harsh and wet. Chuu knew. She was 14. It wasn’t hard to figure out…) for, small stuff. Fetch quests; go pick up ingredients for dinner, or hunt down this one small herb on the cliff side above town for this tincture I’m trying to make to help alleviate the cough symptoms. I have enough for now but having more to replenish what I’m using isn’t bad.. low stakes, yknow.

And when her Mom finally passed from her illness the pair kept Chuu on (Chuu herself will not comment on the her mom and the dads’ relationship, but I CAN and I’ll tell you those fuckers were poly. They might never have slapped a label on it but the love was there. It didn’t start that way, but it certainly was that way by the end.)

This ended up wildly off track didnt it. (Let me get it back on track, and in so doing gracefully gloss over the chunk of history I’m unclear on 💖)

She gets REALLY good at what she’s doing when she signs on with the Garlean Empire. It wasn’t… a hard choice. There was nothing left tying her down where she had been by that point; they’d offered direction, room, board… and, well… her current skills were enough to get placed under Midas’ guidance.

And she found that. Magitek is incredibly interesting compared to whatever she’s had her hands on before and she loves it. Purpose. Drive. She learns how to build things that she’d never dreamed of before under Midas’ guidance. She helps refine designs for two legged heavy artillery a lone person can pilot. To deal with the enemy. She does not think about who the enemy is. The enemy is a problem, and the Machine, glorious, flawless, violent, is the answer.

And then they blow up Bozja. Midas with it. An entire city, wiped off the map. She finds that the numbers- subjects- on the sheet that they’d been running experiments on have faces. Haunted, tired faces, with dull eyes and drawn cheeks and small hands. Children. You can’t just quit, but Midas was gone. Cid was missing. Nero was a thorn in her side and she didn’t want to continue work under someone less competent, or pursue someone else’s dreams. So …. She went missing too. Crashed an airship into Thavnair and stripped the wreckage to the bones for coin. Went into temporary hiding in Kugane, then Ul’Dah, and finally fell in with the slightly sketchy free company she’s with now. She maintains their airships and submersibles and they don’t ask where she came from 💖

I think I got a lil lost in the reeds and I was supposed to go to sleep like 4 hours ago but I kept turning this question over in my mind like a rubrix cube despite my best efforts >v>; The Long And Short Is; she’s always wanted to know how stuff worked, and falling in with Garlemald for (cautiously estimating her time there at about 30+ years) helped her understanding grow in great leaps. Around the start of 2.0 she awakens the Echo (Thrice damned Migraine Creator) and doesn’t realize it’s use until her next encounter with Allagan tech (where she interfaces on a personal level and. It kicks her new obsession up. And… allagans did quite a bit of soul research… it is, somewhat, why there is a Tuesday.)

… 🫣 thank you for the question !!!!!!! I’m. Hopin this makes even a lick of sense, ahaha… some of the stuff I had partially cemented in my mind… I had to fix, after reading the actual lore and wiki -w•;; but not much.

[suzannahnatters]

Ok so I wrote a whole steampunk trilogy about these two bejewelled idiots

so let me tell you about George V and Mary ("May") of Teck.

From the photo - woman dressed like a wedding cake, man wearing the Milky Way - you might think that this is a picture of privilege.

Well, yeah. You're right. Mostly.

Her name was Princess May, and she was Europe's least eligible spinster.

Although she was of royal blood, May was descended from a "morganatic" marriage - her grandfather on her father's side had married a commoner - in fact, a countess (gasp!) - on condition that their children would not inherit his small German duchy. May's two aunts never married, because no self-respecting German prince would be seen dead in a ditch marrying the offspring of a mere countess. May's father got lucky because over in England, Queen Victoria was struggling to cope with her cousin, MARY ADELAIDE. Mary Adelaide was fat, thirty-two, unmarried, more popular than the queen, and completely uncontrollable. Under the circumstances, the discovery of an unattached prince too beggarly to be picky was an absolute godsend. The English were too broadminded to care about the countess, and nobody else (as someone joked unkindly) would "venture on so vast an undertaking."

The marriage was happy, but extravagant. By the time May was 16, the family was so deeply in debt that they had to run away from England to avoid their debtors. For the next two years they lived in Italy, where May was able to get an excellent education in art history, languages, singing, and painting.

After returning to England, May took an interest in visiting the poor and collecting funds for charities. Serious, diligent, and intelligent, May hoped that one day she would have an important role to play in the world…but how? She was not royal enough to marry into royalty, but she was much too royal to marry beneath her.

It was Queen Victoria who decided to play the fairy godmother. One day, quite unexpectedly, she invited May to join her at Balmoral. Several days later, Prince Eddy also arrived. Eddy was Victoria's grandson, third in line to the throne, and thus (if you overlooked the affairs with married women, and the scandals, and the venereal disease, and the sub-zero IQ) the most eligible bachelor in the whole British Empire. In Victoria's opinion, what the future King of England needed most was a good, smart, steady wife. She'd already tried to arrange several other matches for Eddy, including one with Princess Alix of Hesse (who would go on to marry Tsar Nicholas II of Russia, a match which would in no way help to precipitate a violent revolution and end in a hail of bullets, blood, and diamonds), but all of them had failed. Now, she thought May would do.

Perhaps May thought it was her only chance to achieve lasting financial security. Possibly she agreed with Victoria that the future of the British Royal Family depended on Eddy marrying someone with half a brain. Maybe she even hoped for love. When Eddy proposed, May accepted.

Just weeks before the wedding, May was staying at Sandringham for Eddy's 28th birthday celebrations when he came down with influenza. The next day, he developed pneumonia. Five days later he was dead.

More than a hundred years later, we can be excused for looking back and feeling that both May and the whole British Empire dodged a significant bullet there. To Eddy's family, it was a crushing tragedy. One who mourned him was Eddy's younger brother, a steady, hard-working, unimaginative naval officer named George. Prince George was not just dull as dishwater and nearly as badly educated as his brother, he was also significantly healthier, smarter, and more disciplined. Now, with George taking Eddy's place as heir to the throne, many immediately began to think that George should take Eddy's bride as well. After all, Queen Victoria had already gone to the trouble of vetting and approving May, and why should all that work go to waste?

Among those who thought so were May's own parents. When Eddy's family went on holiday to the south of France to grieve in peace, May's parents packed up their daughter and followed. George dutifully called on the family, and over the next few months, as May travelled around Europe, she and George corresponded via letter. Emotionally constipated as he was, George had grown used to writing heartfelt notes to his deaf mother. May was also painfully shy. Signs were against them, but the two managed to become engaged in 1893 after significant prodding from both their families. Shortly afterwards, they exchanged these hilariously awkward letters:

MAY: I am very sorry that I am still so shy with you. I tried not to be so the other day, but alas failed, I was angry with myself! It is so stupid to be so stiff together and really there is nothing I would not tell you, except that I love you more than anybody in the world, and this I cannot tell you myself so I write it to relieve my feelings.

GEORGE: Thank God we both understand each other, and I think it really unnecessary for me to tell you how deep my love for you my darling is and I feel it growing stronger and stronger every time I see you; although I may appear shy and cold.

The rest, of course, is history. George married May in 1893 and in 1910 they succeeded to the throne as King George V and Queen Mary of Teck. In between ruling the colonies with a rod of iron (George), amassing a small fortune in fabulous diamonds (May), and wearing some of the era's most luscious fashions (both) the two of them remained as deeply in love as ever. When George took a dive in a newfangled invention named a submarine, May, standing on the Portsmouth quay, could not repress a passionate effusion of concern:

"I shall be very disappointed if George doesn't come up again."

ALSO May had a dollhouse that was a miniature copy of their home! The library contained VERY TINY BOOKS by literary luminaries such as Oscar Wilde and Rudyard Kipling! AND over the bed in the main bedroom there was a tiny sign hanging - "May George? - George May." I'm sorry but I love them. I'm not sorry at all for all the grand silly fun I had writing them both in Miss Sharp's Monsters. Though I'm afraid that at no stage was the real Princess May impersonated by a clever clockwork automaton containing a bomb intended to blow up Queen Victoria. I made that part up.

[bluemagi]

Re. Jumping ship and multishipping

I've been thinking a lot about this these past few weeks, since a certain hot pilot swooped in and stole my heart. I've seen people giving other people shit for "giving up" and jumping ship, for multishipping or even just for liking and enjoying a character. And it's just weird to me how people are so obsessed with controlling other people's behaviors. Just the other day I saw a TikTok where the creator was saying that people who "jumped ship" to Bucktommy were just fetishising because they want to see two guys kissing. Which is just... a terrible take on so many levels.

I was a Buddie shipper too. I enjoyed their on-screen relationship, I saw the signs that there might be more than friendship, and I hoped that something might happen. But I have also been in fandoms for at least 20 years by now. I've been through queerbaiting, I have been through shipbaiting, I have been through relationships I previously loved being destroyed by what happens on screen. I know that nothing is promised and that we have to have realistic expectations. Our interpretations of things are usually not what the writers/actors/directors/editors intend, and so we can always hope, but we have to know that we probably won't get what we want.

I think I grew a bit bored with the Buddie ship around season 5. I was watching queer representation in other shows, like Tarlos in Lone Star, and I couldn't see 911 ever go there, especially as time went on and nothing happened, there were no obvious signs. I didn't think they would ever make Buck or Eddie queer. I still enjoyed the show for what it was and would watch when I had the time, but I wasn't obsessing over it anymore. I would watch the show and hope that either one of them would get an interesting love interest (I actually sort of liked Natalia at the end of season 6), and until that happened, I would just enjoy Buddie outside of that, in fan fictions and Tumblr discourse.

So imagine my surprise when they finally did it, when they actually made Bi Buck canon. Since Tommy had been on the show before, we already knew a lot about him, and we could also read into the difference between s2 Tommy and s7 Tommy and see that there had been a lot of development there. So yeah, I was immediately interested. The more I saw, the more interested I became. So while I can still love and appreciate Buddie, it is far more interesting to me to have actual substance with an on-screen relationship, rather than having to try to interpret and read into every interaction to see if it can relate to Buddie.

But, back to jumping ship and multishipping. I've been thinking back through my fandom history, and I realized that this is something I have gone through several times before, in one way or another. I started out with soap operas, and in those, everyone cheats and nobody is ever happy for long, so jumping ship back and forth happens. Suddenly a character is killed, only to come back to life several years later. They completely change personalities, they change faces (new actors), so things change a lot. I suppose that might be why multishipping and jumping ship is not really an issue for me. It just make sense that you can change your mind about something when more content comes out. It's sort of like a relationship. You can be happy and in love for a while, or for a long time, but things change, people grow, and suddenly that relationship is not right for you anymore.

So I was thinking back on my previous experiences with jumping ship and multishipping, and I just scribbled down some thoughts on them. Starting with....

As The World Turns - Nuke vs. LuRe

I think one of the first times I jumped ship, was from Noah/Luke to Luke/Reid in As The World Turns. An American soap that ended in like 2011. Nuke were one of the first gay male couples on American day time TV, and if you have the time, please go read about them on Wikipedia, because their story is absolutely ridiculous and overdramatic, as most soap couples are. And since this was in the 00s / early 10s, they barely shared any kisses or intimacy. At certain points we were counting the days between their on-screen kisses, and I think we went 200 days without an on-screen kiss while they were in a romantic relationship on the show, and the first time they had sex, I think they just kissed and fucking jumped on the bed or something. It was just ridiculous. But it was representation, which there was not a lot of back in those days.

Then, my beloved Reid Oliver came into the picture. He was out and proud, he was confident, successful, unapologetic, he was just very interesting. Luke/Noah was young love, riddled with insecurity and drama. Luke/Reid was more confident, more adult. And also, it was an option! Back in those days, there were barely any queer characters on TV, and now there were three guys in one show. At the point when Reid came on to the show, I was already finding myself growing tired and annoyed with Nuke, and Noah specifically. So when he showed an interest in Luke and they began their relationship, I happily jumped over.

I was then punished by the show's cancellation and that fucking train, but that's beside the point.... Moving on!

Days of Our Lives - Will, Sonny and Paul

Now this was a fun one! I remember watching Days back when I was in elementary school. My friend and I would go home together from school and watch it before doing home work. I was better in English and in reading than her, so I would be reading the subtitles out loud to her so she could keep up with what was happening. I think Days actually helped me to learn English much better. So I remembered all the drama with Sami, Carrie, Lucas and Austin, and with baby Will. And it was a bit shocking to me when suddenly baby Will was an adult (or I guess in his late teens) and was coming out of the closet. This was around the same time as ATWT, I believe, around 2010, so again, there wasn't a lot of representation on TV.

Also, side note, this was before streaming was a thing, and I lived in Norway, so we didn't even have access to everything. I had to buy DVDs to watch stuff like Queer as Folk and The L Word.

Anyways, Will and Sonny became a couple, and with that, the first male same sex couple on the show. It was the only real option, so of course I shipped it. I am again reading the Wikipedia page for this couple, and their story is quite insane. They recast the role of Will at one point, and I didn't love how the character changed after the actor was changed. So when Paul came on the show, I was immediately drawn to him. His back story was interesting and the actor had amazing chemistry with everyone. So I shipped him with both Will and Sonny (and both versions of Will, tbh). And again, you simply must read the Wikipedia article about this. It was just pure insanity.

Supernatural – Dean, Cas, Benny

We cannot talk about shipping without talking about Destiel. It is simply not possible. I'm not even going to explain anything, because we're on Tumblr, everyone knows Destiel. So unsurprisingly, I am a Destiel shipper. I can't remember when I first started shipping them, but it must have been quite early. Probably not in season 4 when Cas first arrived, but probably in season 5.

So Destiel is an example where I haven't jumped ship, but instead, I have multishipped. Cas has unfortunately not really had any real love interest outside of Dean. I honestly can't even think of any, apart from that random woman he married when he had amnesia, which... just no, dude. But Dean however, he has had some options, and I haven't hated them.

Lisa, I loved her back in the early seasons. And when he went to live with her after season 5, I didn't hate it. I knew the chances of Destiel ever happening were slim to none, so I could enjoy Dean and Lisa together on screen while enjoying Dean and Cas in fan fictions.

Later, we met Benny. And I immediately loved him. He was so interesting, he had such an interesting relationship with Dean, and I was so mad when he died. Again, Dean was never shown to be anything but straight, so again, chances of anything happening here was also slim to none. But I could happily enjoy fan fictions and content on them, alongside with Destiel.

Other honorable mentions:

I was considering writing a whole section about Robron from Emmerdale, but I realized that I am still so pissed off about that whole thing, so I don't think I'd be able to articulate anything good from that. So instead I will just use this as an example of an on-screen couple that I absolutely loved, but that I ended up hating and abandoning due to what happened on screen. I jumped that ship straight into the ocean, and swam far far far away.

Klaine! The couple that got me into Tumblr in the first place! I loved Kurt from the first season, and I was so intrigued when Blaine came into the show (I was also a huge AVPM fan, so that just made it all the better). And I really enjoyed them together for the first couple of seasons. But thinking back, I think I fell out of love with them quite early on. Their stories didn't hit the same, it got boring. I was actually more interested in Karofsky by the time I stopped watching the show, which was probably part of the reason why I stopped watching. It was quite the unpopular opinion back then. Maybe still? I have no idea.

Gallavich! I loved Shameless back in the day, and Mickey and Ian were among my favorites. But at a certain point, I got fed up with it all and stopped watching. The on-and-off stuff got boring, important things got swept under the rug, and I didn't like the treatment of Mickey. Anyway, I gave up and stopped watching. It was only years later when the show was ending that I caught up and found out they actually ended up together. Which was amazing, but still left a bit of a sour taste in my mouth.

Anyways, my point is that there seems to be this opinion now that if you ship a couple, you are stuck with them for life. Jumping ship, or even multishipping, is seen as a betrayal, as something horrible. Shipping Buck and Tommy apparantly means that we hate Eddie, and that we don't care about the beautiful friendship and relationship Buck and Eddie have. But that is simply not the truth. At least not for me, or for most people I have seen discussing this.

At this point in time, I am going to enjoy the beautiful on-screen relationship that is Buck and Tommy, and I am excited to see where it goes. If that relationship ends, and somewhere down the line, Buck and Eddie finally end up together, I will probably be happy (as long as it is done right, like Oliver Stark himself has said).

[thecoddaughter]

Secret Life as Every The Crane Wives Song

(EXTREMELY LONG POST WARNING)

 

Etho: 

Nothing at All  “Do you ever feel nothing at all? I do, I do, I do. I would not wish that on you”

Counting Sheep “Feign contentment for a while, that's all you know how to do.”

Grian:

Sleeping Giant “I feel the mountains, I feel the mountains shifting under me. The sleeping giants are finally waking.”  (This man knows things about the sudden arrival of a ominous deity like entity)

Steady, Steady “I can take for better but for worse can't condone. Most of all for good just makes me ache to be alone.” (Not teaming up with people for so long because of fear of hurting them)

Ancient History “My dreams keep digging up the bones of memories. Discarded remnants of former times.” (Again, watchers…)

Pearl:

I Talk In My Sleep “I talk in my sleep when my demons won't let me be. They twist the things I say when you are far away.”

How to Rest  “Though you've convinced yourself, you're safe and sound within. The thing you fear the most never need get in.”

New Colors  “Old towns here are mean. Spit fire and gasoline. But all I want is solitude. I have half a mind to climb up in the sky and hide myself inside the moon”

The Crooked, The Cradle “I'm nobody's daughter. I'm nobody's daughter. My enemies crow. "We're alone with the kill"”  “I won't pretend my season won't end,  but I pray, when it's done, when it's through I'll have something left for you.”

Scar: 

The Garden  “The crows in the garden are laughing at my expense, drowning out all the lies that I might have told instead” (his scamming and scheming butt can't escape me)

New Discovery  “Sometimes I feel like I’m lost in the desert… I see my footprints in the sand so I know where I’ve been”  (desert... like the desert duo... i'm so clever!)

Can’t Have It All  “I won't bargain, I won't break. My mind's made up, though my head still aches and all my love you tried to take, but you can't have it all.”

Cleo:

Ribs “Brick and mortar between my bones. Built a kingdom fierce and fortified. My name fading from the yellow page. Stones are laid upon the mountainside.”

Tongues & Teeth “I will poison all your happy thoughts. I will love you like the ashes in my cigarette box and if you're fine with that you can be mine.”

Impulse:

Little Soldiers “I fought with tooth and nail before the flag had flown but you were already gone”

Strangler Fig “You built your kingdom around me. Now I'm trapped within your walls and all I want is to be free.” (That man died and joined the apocalypse willingly to be at Gem's side)

Scott:

Pretty Little Things “Cracked lips and hands, calloused hands. I still feel his touch against my skin. Past loves linger like phantom limbs.”  “Don't buy me flowers, it pains me to watch. Pretty little things wilt away.” (this man hold's onto past alliances in her heart, only second to Skizz)

Shallow River “Red sky morning, lovers' warning. Oh I know that the promise you wear, well it ain't for me.” (red sky and love refer to Jimmy’s death. The “You” is Gem though)

Bdubs:

Never Love an Anchor “It's a secret I keep tucked inside my chest with this heart of mine that's guilty, not remorseful” (him not so subtly jumping between mounders and roomies, maybe? idk. its also just kinda his vibe.)

Naked, the Night Falls “Turn your ghosts into mine. All the years, all the years I'm alive.” (him finding Etho and Cleo again)

BigB:

Hard Sell “Hoping I can find a better me. A fresh new start buried under me.”

Metaphors “I've gotten good at leaning on metaphors. I've gotten good at living on someone else's page. I cut my teeth on second-hand sentiments. You can't trust a single thing I say.” (his cryptid butt is not escaping metaphors this go around)

Martyn:

Turn out the Lights “Sometimes all you can do is say goodnight and tuck your demons into bed cause they're not worth fighting.”

Rockslide “This wild weather's got the mountain shakin' weak. Oh I know you want to plant your feet but we best get a move on or the devil we will meet.” “That monster's comin' and it don't care for you or me. Don't look back now, honey” (This has been in my head since Martyn moved in with Jim at the top of the Mesa.)

Show Your Fangs “A ballad of a lonesome peak. I curse the ground, shed my old sins. For weight will only make me weak” “Bravely I will wield my weapon. I made from fangs of those that died.” (Big Dogs… RIP)

Skizz:

Know How “I keep my focus on what is safe. You drew a line. Made up your mind and now I'm struggling to realize.” (This song is Imp and Skizz’s relationship post Imp’s attack)

Easier “The only peace I have ever known is the peace I made with you. I won't move, but I can't stay here.” (Skizz and Tango’s relationship throughout the season)

October “Take my word but keep the upper hand. I know you, you're the daughter of a lonely man.” (My interpretation of SL!Skizz is this super caring guy who his haunted by this vague memory of bloodlust that comes out in empty threats to people he doesn’t really want to hurt.)

Gem (all of these are about session seven specifically!):

Allies or Enemies  “They spread like some awful damn disease” “Are we allies or enemies? This will be the death of me.”

The Glacier House “You cursed the Earth you settled under… Under… Understand I had to go.” “Bundle up darling, you're on your own now. Seasons change as they do. Maybe I'll see you when your shivering is through.”

I Ain’t Done “I am a pretty young thing. I am consumed by selfish wanting. Carelessly broke you down but I’m not done.” (this girl came in and told a winner and a runner up that they need to get their act together and that she was gonna be the one to get them to the end. I love her!)

Joel “Loves his wife” Smallishbeans:

Down the River “'Cause ain't it easier to just move on? One door closing means another one. Opens unto some unsuspecting fool. “Sure, you can forget about all the things you've done but what about the rest of us? High-tail it when it gets to be too much.” “Too many people with your name on top of their lists.” “You were never the one to suffer.” (All of Joel’s anger about Jim celebrating Lizzie’s death and the fact that Jim then also immediately died, leaving him alone.)

Unraveling “But now my love is gone and I am left unraveling.” “And I am left here withering” “And I can't help the fracturing”

The Diving Bell  “I descend so well, in an open diving bell, the beauty of the deep. Far into abyss in your silent lips call me will I sleep” 

Caleb Trask “"When a flower blossoms red. That's the day, that's the day, that's the day. I'll love you. That's the day, that's the day. I'll love you." (I’ve stated before that this is his song, not specifically bc of SL. I think of azalea’s and I think of Joel.)

Tango:

Curses “There's a fire in my brain, and I'm burning up” “Every word I say is kindling but the smoke clears when you're around. Won't you stay with me, my darling, when my walls start burning down?” (Our fire man and his forever teammate…)

Safe Ship, Harbored “Where does your faith form in me? Don't break the bottle. Don't waste your blessings on me.” “A safe ship, harbored losing all of my good years to the shallow water. I ain't proud.” (The Heart Foundation [in my opinion] seemed like a great way to make alliances and be well liked, however, it also kinda put them at a disadvantage never getting any hearts of their own.)

Mumbo:

The Moon Will Sing “On some level, I think I always understood that these hands of mine were clumsy, not clever.” “With this heart of mine that's guilty, not remorseful. There is love that doesn't have a place to rest. But it would have buried you if it had settled on your shoulders” (Something, something. The love Mumbo has for Grian.)

Back to the Ground “Little buds make their graves as the warmth inside us fades but I still don't know shit about letting go.” “Our hearts lay still and cold, under frozen soil. I can't stay here anymore so remember when I go.” (Something, something. The miner destined for accidents.)

Jimmy: 

Not the Ghost “If only I could break the chain of disappointments, weighing me down. Shake off the ghosts that whisper warnings.”

Keep You Safe “When I watched my friends ride to the tops of the trees. With the risk of fall, I never climbed at all.” “Time is not your friend. Time is not your remedy. No amount of waiting will make you, make you brave.”

Canary in the Coal Mine  “You and I are friends of empty graves”  (he does not escape this song!) 

Lizzie (all of these songs with Lizzie in mind makes me cry):

Can’t Go Back “The time has come for moving on. You can't be always trying to dig up. What you've already buried.” “It's not fair (When have you ever known the world to be a fair place?) It's not fair (All things end and all things change) It's not fair (You'll look back and laugh someday) It's not fair (Or at least you'll learn to be okay)”

Of Everlong  “And if my lover will not hear it. Take my voice and take my spirit, leave me weakened and dig my hole. Only my lover, not I, can keep my soul” (Only Joel mourns her and it’s a sad sad day)

Icarus “Til your far away and breathing cleaner air, oh my brother…” (her brother... the man cursed to die... named after a bird who dies of poisoned air... who'd a thunk it...)

Unplaced songs: The hand that feeds, hole in the silver lining, Once & For All

[spotsupstuff]

you can say whatever you want about Downpour as far as consistency and faithfulness to the og vanilla lore goes, but nobody can convince or tell me that Downpour hasn't given some fuckin BOMBASTIC world building for RW. there's two i especially really really love

the first one being the whole fact that??? there's subways on TOP of the iterators?????? i mean FUCK i knew they were fuck off BIG but it didnt occur to me on such deep level as when i found out that there's a whole damn subway system On Top Of Pebbles. SHIT i'm still havin troubles accepting the existence of roombas and segways and you're telling me these wild motherfuckers have trains workin up in da fucken sky?? the SKY???? Above The Clouds????? trains are NOT supposed to be in the sky what the FUCK. ancients!!!! videocult!!!!!! youre fucking insane!!!!!!!!!!! my Home City doesn't have a subway system and it's the largest one in the country- how fucking big is Pebbles' Metropolis holy shit

and the second one is the whole impending ice age thing

cuz here's the thing, right, here's the thing- i'm not sure how well known this is, but Earth has gone thru multiple ice ages. there's theories outside of the widely accepted normalized understanding of history that there's been civilizations before us. i believe it is Aztec myths that talk about, basically, reincarnations of the whole planet multiple times- different lives, different Cycles this small place in the universe has gone through

yes, Rain World takes a lot of inspiration from Buddhism, but there's some elements that make me think of Aztecs. certain parts of the fashion, the colors used, even the plantlife outside of those retaining walls. Rain World to me is industrialized evolution of a fusion of Aztecs and Buddhism

that is the connection between the "greater Cycle" of RW and Aztec myths, but back to the ice age- it catches me off-guard by how Giant this world building is. we are so used to seeing only Pebbles' and Moon's corner of the world evolving, all boxed in, all the concentration and focus only there and then a little tiny bit of the Outer Expanse. and then here comes videocult and drops this PLANETARY world building. the fact that it's first alluded to it at the earliest point in the story, yet the second to last campaign to us and then the last campaign thrusts us right into the circumstance of the world freezing over. a lot of peeps i've watched went thru the scugs in the unlock order- it is basically a little hint and them immediate show of the consequences. i'm going out of my way to get through these campaigns (aside from survivor and monk) in the chronoligical order from the Iterators' story stand point and it offers this Giant gap between the first drop of the information in such a miniscule little thing that can be missed and a whole story happening within a blizzard. it's Incredible

HR: I'm not really sure myself. At this point I think our rain might be the only source of heat on the surface. It has been that way for a very long time.

oh how i wonder why that is. how come? why is your planet so cold? is your star dying? are you naturally far away from your star, did you have volcanoes that now lie dead, that used to warm the surface? was there a cosmical event that warmed the planet and allowed the world to blossom- a comet taking its time to fly by, another star flying through the planetary system? or is it as simple as the clouds blocking the heat of the star from reaching the ground? that's probably it. it is fascinating how the Iterators' created their own "balance"- take the water away, breathe it in and then let it all fall. but they are so Integral for this "balance" that the moment too much of them fall, the clouds that are left doom the whole planet to frost and a reset. despite how imposing, infinite that they are as man-made gods, they are also such a fickle link keeping the world in a sickly "equilibrium"

either way, that promises another greater Cycle, another attempt to try again. this time surely with the Scavengers as the buds of new civilization, once the clouds fully fall away

and will they remember the Iterators? the old temples? the void might eat it all away before they get to have the chance to archive the skeletal remains of ancient past. who knows, maybe Secluded Instinct gets to become that mountain, the future they found comfort in

Rain World is such a fascinating detailed game, with such a gigantic timeline, leads to make you wonder about both the past and the future. it's sad that the world as we know it ends, but, just like everything else within the game tries to say, it is only just another thing to accept and live in- live through- and find enjoyment in it

because everything passes and the world doesn't care as it flows on, but the truth of loving, joyful experiences stays firm. that is the only lifeline one needs to hone

all of these thoughts just from a long long blizzard

[ebiljointed]

As mentioned on my main blog, I will be moving across continents soon and although this is hypothetically not a permanent move it will be for at least one year and potentially for multiple years. So it's a good time to finally time to get rid of the dolls that aren't being appreciated here. Many of my collection just straight up is things that nobody is looking for or would want to buy, so I'm not expecting to make money off this and may be down to part with them for very, very low prices. I'll be making formal sales posts in the future but here are a few dolls that I already know I'll be parting with so if friends are interested in any of them please let me know and I will cut you a very good deal:

Soom Namu WS Voice of Angels (no angel wings or original wig; has original faceup, eyes, tattoo, and skirt and also a pair of boots)

Soom Gena WS Smoky Day (has fullset outfit and original eyes, no original wig, eyelashes are gone and faceup appears to be rubbing off slightly...)

Soom Cass WS original release head (I am the third owner and don't have a CoA but have the entire list of previous owners with DoA handles as well as links to DoA feedback messages following its history)

DD Excellen Browning (blank doll) (had intended to customize her because I see a ton of potential in the sculpt for a semi real look bu I don't think it's happening at this point. has her fullset items but they're very damaged so I had intended to keep them for dissassembling and crafting/patterning but if you're interested in doing that yourself you can also have those. i probably have her eyes and wig too)

Elfdoll Ruru and Elfdoll Special K, both tan, both have slightly messed up/marked but still very beautiful original faceups (i might be able to get the marks off with magic eraser, i'll see. they're packed right now so i haven't tried.) i love these two dolls but i'm just doing NOTHING with either of them

Smartdoll Monday Tea head with default faceup (i have two heads of her now lol)

Adykadoll SWS silicon DD body *without bust*. i got a great deal on this and thought i could buy her a bust later and it hasn't come back for sale lol, maybe it can be someone else's problem.

there is a bunch more like wigs and accessories and stuff becuase i've been in this damn hobby for sixteen years now and also probably more dolls as i decide what i want to actually part ways with, but yeah if any people i know are interested in what i've mentioned above let me know. i'll take down this post to do formal listings in the future

[thefisherqueen]

Some notes on Black Peter, the Letters from Watson story I'm now catching up on:

"The first positive sign which he gave me of the direction which his investigation was taking was an extraordinary one. He had gone out before breakfast, and I had sat down to mine, when he strode into the room, his hat upon his head and a huge barbed-headed spear tucked like an umbrella under his arm." Please tell me there's a Granada episode of story. Or at least an illustration

"He chuckled as he poured out the coffee. "If you could have looked into Allardyce's back shop you would have seen a dead pig swung from a hook in the ceiling, and a gentleman in his shirt-sleeves furiously stabbing at it with this weapon. I was that energetic person, and I have satisfied myself that by no exertion of my strength can I transfix the pig with a single blow." Laughing so hard over this. At least it gave Holmes an appetite?

"He was a most daring and successful seal and whale fisher. In 1883 he commanded the steam sealer Sea Unicorn, of Dundee. He had then had several successful voyages in succession, and in the following year, 1884, he retired." Just learnt a lot about the history of whaling. The only way to get rich by whaling and sealing was to be either a captain or an investor. No chance otherwise.

"The man was an intermittent drunkard, and when he had the fit on him he was a perfect fiend. He has been known to drive his wife and his daughter out of doors in the middle of the night, and flog them through the park until the whole village outside the gates was aroused by their screams." Pardon, he did what now??

I love the stories that are like, the person murdered was a dick and nobody cared but we're investigating anyway. Saves the drama.

Harpoon murder! Ok, maybe some drama after all. Good!

"I understand, however, from the inquest that there were some objects which you failed to overlook?” Holmes really is a special kind of rude sassy towards Hopkins

Old ore mines and large wild forests seem like good places for murderers to hide. How did an old sea captain ever end up here? No wonder he felt the need for some larping

"With her was her daughter, a pale, fair-haired girl, whose eyes blazed defiantly at us as she told us that she was glad that her father was dead, and that she blessed the hand which had struck him down." I love this fiesty girl

" Well, well, I can do nothing more. Let us walk in these beautiful woods, Watson, and give a few hours to the birds and the flowers. We shall meet you here later, Hopkins, and see if we can come to closer quarters with the gentleman who has paid this visit in the night.” Holmes sneaking off alone with Watson. How are we supposed to read this, Doyle? Especially because of Watson's lack of comment after. I don't know what would be funnier, Watson and Holmes having a romp between the flowers, or the both of them actually going flower and bird spotting while Hopkins is all going ^_^

"It was a long and melancholy vigil, and yet brought with it something of the thrill which the hunter feels when he lies beside the water pool and waits for the coming of the thirsty beast of prey. What savage creature was it which might steal upon us out of the darkness? Was it a fierce tiger of crime, which could only be taken fighting hard with flashing fang and claw, or would it prove to be some skulking jackal, dangerous only to the weak and unguarded?" Watson what novels have you been reading

What are knickerbockers? *googles* Ok, I love them

“What are you doing here?” “Can I speak confidentially?” “No, certainly not.” Not the answer I expected. Why is this so funny

"Well, Mr. Holmes, I am very much obliged to you and to your friend for coming down to help me. As it turns out your presence was unnecessary, and I would have brought the case to this successful issue without you; but none the less I am very grateful." Hopkins picking up on Holmes' sass, I love it. Yet... poor boy, have you not spoken too soon?

"The young detective was in high spirits at his success. “You really think that your solution must be correct?” asked Holmes. Ooooh! Danger! Hopkins, better get some ointment for that upcoming burn

"a little ribston-pippin of a man" Victorian insults are the best

“Your name?” asked Holmes. “Patrick Cairns.” “Harpooner?” “Yes, sir. Twenty-six voyages.” Of course a harpooner from Black Peter's crew would be the murderer. He was literally captain of a whaling ship. I feel rather stupid

You were so absorbed in young Neligan that you could not spare a thought to Patrick Cairns, the true murderer of Peter Carey.” Same initials. That was a clever detail from Doyle.

"He was a man of such gigantic strength that, even with the handcuffs which Holmes had so deftly fastened upon his wrists, he would have very quickly overpowered my friend had Hopkins and I not rushed to his rescue. Only when I pressed the cold muzzle of the revolver to his temple did he at last understand that resistance was vain." Watson once more to the rescue! I wanted to say that the days of arresting a suspect under threat of a weapon are over. Then I reconsidered. Ehm... pretty sure this is still allowed, even here in europe, especially under cover of 'resisting arrest' and 'suspect is posing threat'. The power cops are allowed to wield is really quite terrifying

"That's all I know, and I say again that if I killed Black Peter the law should give me thanks, for I saved them the price of a hempen rope.” This murderer is pretty funny

“Mr. Holmes,” said Hopkins, “I do not know how to express my gratitude. Even now I do not understand how you attained this result.” “Simply by having the good fortune to get the right clue from the beginning. It is very possible if I had known about this note-book it might have led away my thoughts, as it did yours." That is quite nice and humble of you, Holmes *surprised pickachu face*

"If you want me for the trial, my address and that of Watson will be somewhere in Norway—I'll send particulars later.” The boys are really going on that arctic expedition?! Exciting!

This was a fun story! Still giggling about Hopkin's face when he was once again outdeduced (?) by Holmes. And about the birds and flowers. It's good to be back!

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #210

In what form of communication did you last use to talk to the person you're currently interested in? Discord.

When was the last time something really cute happened to you? When I was at Girt's house a few days ago, when his mom got home, I called hi to her and she got so excited, exclaiming, "My girl's here!!" and she comes into his bedroom to hug and kiss my head and it was so adorable she's so pure

Has anything happened to you within the past month that's made you really happy? Girt started talking about engagement rings with me (he started it, not me) and was deadass taking notes in his phone lmao. I'm not in a rush or anything, but HIM bringing it up was validating that he genuinely wants to be with me forever. Ever since Jason I still struggle to imagine anyone at all ever wanting to marry me.

What was the last thing you looked up on YouTube? Rammstein albums, lol. I've gone through their entire discography before but I did a massive bulk of it a second time and I found I like even more songs than the first time, and that was already the vast majority of their entire history of songs.

Did the last guy/girl you kissed have any piercings? No, I could never picture him with any and I don't believe he wants any.

Do you actually love your parents? Yes. I would die without a millisecond of thought for my mom. I hold some bitterness and hurt towards my dad, but yes, I still love him.

Where did you get the underwear you are wearing right now? I'm in my pjs, I'm not wearing any. Who in the hell wears undies in their pjs, that entirely ruins the comf. I know for a woman it's not healthy to wear them 24/7, anyway. let yo pussy breathe

Do you feel uncomfortable sharing drinks with other people? The one and only person I'll comfortably share a drink with is Girt, if I can make out with him I can drink after the guy lmao. I'd still very much prefer my own drink, though. It doesn't really matter who you are.

Have you gone through a lot emotionally, or has life been easy thus far? blink blink blink

Last person to make you seriously mad? Our landlord.

Who have you recently made up with after fighting? Nobody.

Funniest name you have ever heard? This is a very mean question, next.

When people ask "how are you?" do you say "good" even if you aren't? No, actually. I might downplay how bad I am, but I don't pretend to be well if I'm not.

Do you wear your hair up or down most often? It's too short to go up, so.

Have you ever eaten tofu and if so, did you enjoy it? I don't believe I have. It doesn't look like something I'd enjoy whatsoever.

Have you worn make-up today? I couldn't even TRY to remember the last time I wore makeup...

Can you hear anything right now? I have "Tattoo" by Rammstein on.

What was the last fruit you ate? It was either pineapple or grapes.

Have you ever watched Parks and Recreation? I watched some with Sara when I visited her once, because it was one of her favorite shows. I thought it was fine, but I didn't have any strong feelings. Television shows normally don't do it for me.

Have you watched a movie this week? No, movies are another thing I don't generally care for much, unless it's a theater experience. I can't remember the last film I watched.

How far away is the closest McDonald’s from your house? Around 5-ish minutes by car, depending on what traffic lights you hit.

Have you ever been to Hawaii? No.

How old is the mattress on your bed? It's rather new. I don't think I've had it even a year yet.

Do you keep magazines by your toilet? No. Bring your phone bro

Do you watch movies with the subtitles on? No, unless it's very quiet or foreign. I generally find subtitles to be distracting.

Are you happy? I'm currently rawdogging my mental illnesses with no medication, no :^)

Do you still talk to the person who hurt you the most? Nope.

What do you wear to bed? Loose pj pants and a tank top.

What are you excited about? This weekend Girt and I are going to Charlotte to meet a couple that are some online/gaming friends of his, and we're gonna do stuff around the city. It's more than a three hour drive and we're going there and back in the same day so it's gonna be a long day, but I'm looking forward to it.

Best summer? I'm supposed to remember this?

What type of foundation do you wear? I don't wear it.

Have you read the Pretty Little Liars series? No, but god my sister Misty was obsessed with that and its show when it was a thing.

Do you actually read privacy policies when signing up for new things? Does literally anyone?????

Can you juggle? No.

Do you like Nerds candy? I love them.

What is your favorite color(s) of eye-makeup? It's all about the black, baby.

Do you have sensitive skin? Yes.

Who in your family would you describe as a “character”? My dad.

What color is your best friend’s hair? Black, although like his dad, he's graying very early so there's a lot of that grizzled in.

Do you think your neighbors have any complaints about living near you? No. We mind our business and our dog doesn't bark much.

Is there something you want to tell someone? Two somebodies. I doubt they'll ever be said, though.

Are you interested in more than one person at the moment? No.

How frequently do you pee at night? Once or twice. A night where I don't get up at least once is basically unheard of.

Is there a stuffed animal you still take places with you? No.

Have you ever done something illegal with a family member? What about with your best friend? Possibly, I don't feel like thinking about this forever.

Would you rather get high or get drunk? High, but only on like, weed. No serious drugs that are truly dangerous if you take a responsible dose. Being drunk doesn't sound pleasant in any way, tbh.

What was the last thing you cooked? I don't cook, I pop shit in the microwave lmao.

Have you ever gotten alcohol poisoning? No, that sounds like hell.

Do you want to see someone at this very moment? Yeah, Girt.

Think of the person who has hurt you the most in the past year, who is it? I saw the woman TWICE and it was my last psychiatrist. She did me so much harm in such a short time.

Do you think two people can last forever? 'Til they die, anyway. I don't pretend to know what's gonna happen once my body's dead.

Last person you talked to on the phone for longer than 5 min? My dad.

Are you a morning person or night person? Morning.

Who was the last person in your bedroom? Mom. Besides me, anyway.

Did you ever lose a best friend? What adult hasn't at some point, honestly?

How many piercings do you have? Six right now. Others that have closed either intentionally but mostly unintentionally due to being hospitalized and piercings having to come out.

What is your middle name? Marie.

Could you handle living with the last boy you texted? That's my dad, and yeah, I'd be fine.

Have you been to the beach this year? No, doubt I will.

Does it take a lot to make you cry? Sure doesn't.

Do you have a favorite classical composer? No.

Would you ever visit a psychic medium? No, they're scam artists.

Do you use a dishwasher or wash dishes by hand? Dishwasher.

Who was the last non-relative woman you spoke to in person? The woman who took my blood today.

What’s a topic you’ve drastically changed your opinion on? I was once a conservative dicklord of a teenager. Now I'm politically left and feel very strongly about these beliefs.

Have you ever had a dream in which you died? Multiple.

Do you use Snapchat? No.

Do you know anyone who’s struggling with addiction? Yes.

Have you/Do you know anyone that grows weed? Not knowingly to me.

Which accents can you emulate pretty well? British and country are about it.

Have you ever been a complete fangirl/fanboy over anything? ...........................................................

What’s the weirdest way you’ve ever heard somebody die of? Oh I dunno.

How many true heartbreaks have you had in your lifetime? One true one, romantically.

Do you have any gay family members? My mom's cousin or something named Tom is gay.

Who was the last person to sleep over at your house? Girt.

Would you ever get a boob job? If I lose all the weight I want, I want to get a breast lift. Obesity does things.

Would you be upset if you caught your boyfriend looking at porn? No. I would only be upset if he tried to hide it from me.

Have you ever been punched? No.

How do you feel about bats? I love bats, I think they're very cute. Especially flying foxes and similar species.

Has your Facebook ever been hacked? No.

Have you ever played laser tag? Yes, it was extremely fun.

Is anyone you’re close to in the hospital right now? No.

Who or what sleeps with you? Roman, my cat. He starts off in my bed, anyway; throughout the night he goes to different spots.

Are you pro-life or pro-choice? Pro-choice as fuck. It's not even a matter of whether the baby is truly "alive" or not to me, if it's in MY fuckin body, my wants and needs come first.

Who was your first kiss with? Jason.

What aren’t you afraid to stand up for? LGBTQ+ rights, for one. I'd die for the right to love and to be true to your own body and however it feels like home.

Do you have any STDs? I don't.

Do you have a favorite NASCAR driver? I couldn't care less about NASCAR.

Who’s your celebrity crush? a stupid german rockstar old enough to be my dad 😭

Have you ever intentionally trolled? Hm, not to my recollection.

What is your favorite type of cat? Oriental shorthairs.

What ancient culture intrigues you the most, if any? Maybe Egyptian.

[vipier]

sorry , i've got … i've got a lot of work to do .

WHERE MOMENTS BEFORE HE WAS ALL FIRE, IT TAKES ONLY THOSE FEW WORDS TO TURN TRISTAN TO STONE. somehow, he manages to avoid flinching in the face of cassian’s practiced apathy. nothing creeps beneath his skin worse than being treated like just anyone by the one person who knows him best of all — especially because it means @k4ssa knows there’s no better way to make him feel small. tris casts his gaze around the disorganized workshop, the captain’s haven in the bowels of yavin iv, and for a moment, he sees the hours upon hours he’s spent here with him flash before his eyes. nothing and nobody else ever would have brought him to this planet. he’d never developed a taste for any of this, for the martyrdom, for the fight against one tyrant that he’s sure will immediately create another. he stays for one reason, for one person, because he needs cassian … and cass needs at least someone who places his wellbeing over some intangible ideal.

a thankless goddamned job, clearly. exhibit a: this fucking conversation.

“ you always do these days, don’t you, ” tristan answers in little more than a hiss, a sneer. standing, he kicks the chair he had been sitting in back against the table with a loud clang. there has always been so much love between them, enough to nearly suffocate him, but that love has many dimensions, comes with baggage that has built and built over the years until tris swears he can feel his back physically strain with the weight of it all. “ fine. you want me gone, I’m gone. just do me a favor, cass, and don’t fucking apologize to me when you’re not actually sorry. I can read it all over your face, even with this bullshit ice queen act of yours. ”

it’s a dance they’re used to doing by now. cassian pushes him aside for his rebellion again and again, utterly obtuse and willfully ignorant to tristan’s motivations, even though there’s no reason why he shouldn’t be able to read them, brilliant as he is. tristan lashes out, grasping him violently close with one hand while pushing him away with the other, seeking to wound, seeking to punish at times, to force cassian to feel some fraction of his own agony, his own sense of worthlessness. it is as if to remind him, you may hold more power over me than I do over you, but don’t forget I can still hurt you back. he can’t successfully pretend at this point in his miserable life that he simply doesn’t care about his lover, that he could walk away permanently without tearing away a vital part of himself — but he certainly has a storied history of being willing to harm himself deeply for lesser reasons and he’s more than willing to allow that silent threat to linger, to make cass wonder if he might actually follow through one day, despite the damage it would do to him, too. it’s his only defense.

“ don’t call, ” he snaps as he strides toward the exit. please call, echoes in the back of his mind, almost in a whimper, all the more pathetic and humiliating, all the more reason to push himself out the door before he can embarrass himself further. “ I know when I’m not wanted. trust me. plenty of experience. I’m sure all your rebels will throw a goddamned party when they realize I’m gone. a win for everyone, it seems. enjoy your work, captain. ” he braces himself as he pushes through the far door, jaw set and brow furrowed, all coiled and furious energy, each step more determined than the last, despite the way each one tears at his chest.

if only he weren’t already silently willing cassian to call him back.

[chronically-peach]

Don’t think of Kevin if Jean actually did kill himself in the end. Don’t think of the parallels between them and Marjorie by Taylor Swift.

“If I didn’t know better I’d think you were taking to me now. If I didn’t know better I’d think you were still around. What died didn’t stay dead, you’re alive in my head.”

Sometimes, for the briefest moments before Kevin opens his eyes in the morning, he forgets Jean is gone. Jean lives in the spot between asleep and awake for Kevin. Sometimes he can hear Jean’s thick accent in the howling wind. Sometimes at night, as his ears strain to make out the sound of laughter outside the dorm, he swears he can hear Jean’s laugh. Some nights when his blankets bunch under his legs it feels like Jean’s body is tucked safely under Kevin, where he always belonged. Kevin swears in every universe but his own Jean is alive, that’s why he can still feel him.

“The autumn chill that wakes me up. You loved the amber skies so much.”

Jean didn’t like the sun. It was harsh and unforgiving and relentless. It was so much like Riko that he began to hate the summer. He loved autumn, the colour of the leaves on the ground. He loved watching the sunrise, puffs of his breath visible in the cold air as the world turned from night to day. After he dies Kevin wakes up every morning to watch the sunrise. Every autumn he’s late to early morning practices but nobody questions it. The only thing that keeps him from Exy is remembering Jean and his teammates never dare question that.

“And I complained the whole way there. The car ride back and up the stairs. I should’ve asked you questions.”

In the brief moments where Riko isn’t tormenting them Jean likes to drag Kevin to his room and tell him about art. He tells him stories of the museums his parents took him to as a child, the pieces that made him fall in love with painting. Kevin gets bored sometimes, complaining when Jean drones on about painters and sculptors for too long. After Jean’s death Kevin visits France, makes an entire trip just to see the museums Jean had told him about so passionately. He might be the history lover but Kevin wants nothing more than to hear Jean excitedly explain the history of each piece. The importance of its existence for modern art. He wishes he asked more questions when he had the chance. The knowledge isn’t the same if it’s not Jean feeding it to him.

“I should’ve asked you how to be. Asked you to write it down for me. Should’ve kept every grocery store receipt ‘cause every scrap of you would be taken from me.”

In the nest it was hard to know day from night. Right from wrong. Up from down. It was hard to keep who you became without forgetting who you were. Jean never forgot who he was. He remembered his life before the nest, before Riko and Kevin and the Moriyama’s. Kevin often envied Jean for this. Envied his insistence on keeping the smallest sliver of his previous self alive, his strong will to defy Riko even in the face of torture. Kevin wishes he wrote it all down. Wishes he documented every moment where Jean was unapologetically himself before the that version of him was lost forever. Mostly Kevin wishes he asked Jean how he did it, how he looked evil in the face and found a way to keep fighting. It seemed pointless now, Jean was gone and his fight had ended but still Kevin wracks his memory for every glimpse of Jean. He writes down every moment, no matter how small, so he won’t ever again forget the time they spent together.

“All your closets of backlogged dreams and how you left them all to me.”

During their last call Jean tells Kevin he needs to live for them both. He reminds Kevin of all the things they promised to do, all the things they would accomplish. He makes Kevin promise to do them all. Kevin swears to keep that promise until the day he dies but sometimes it’s hard to do it all alone. Sometimes he curses Jean for leaving him to achieve their dreams on his own. Most of the things feel pointless without Jean there to bring meaning to them. Kevin completes the list anyways. He takes extra care to practice the last task every day, the last wish Jean had: for Kevin to live.

“I know better but I still feel you all around. I know better but you’re still around.”

Kevin worries that as time moves on so will Jean’s presence, the ghost of him that haunts Kevin’s heart and watches over him as he lives, but it never does. Years pass but Kevin still finds himself in the spot between asleep and awake. The spot where Jean exists the most clearly and for a moment he’s real again. For a split second Kevin can feel him again, can smell the expensive cologne Jean wore every day, can hear him humming softly under his breath. No matter how many years pass Jean is still around and Kevin wouldn’t want it any other way.

[interlvgos]

Oh I wanna hug and slap George already.

Okay. So. Lewis's number 9 (oops, 8) in 2023 means that 2022 happened the way it did, which means that they did struggle together and. Ok no wait let me. Oh oh oh okay look we know that George has been higher in the standing in 2022 with the horrible car, right. But we also know that that's mostly down to Lewis's sacrafices in terms of letting them do the experimenting on his car during the first half of the season, plus the general amount of bad luck. So it's not really saying all that much. But still, enough people out there are now thinking that with a great car the title fight would be between George and Lewis and George now has his Mr. consistency reputation.

What if, in the tp au, the 23' fight isn't Lewis vs George (knowing that Lewis wins that dwc) but Lewis vs Max or Charles or both. Or all three. Meaning that George only really comes close to winning when Lewis is gone. So that hurts. Or even if George vs Lewis was a part of it, it still wouldn't have been enough. And George thought he'd be okay with that! Because it's Lewis, so no shame in losing. And he never wanted to be that kind of teammate who's bitter. But then again that is the nature of the sport and they are competitors and they did have the same car and George thought he'd stand a chance against Lewis in a fair fight, but it turns out that ultimately he didn't, not enough to best him -- So that makes the legacy painful, yeah??

And then, 2024, with Lewis gone, he still doesn't win, even though now he feels or everyone feeld that he really should have. You said Max wins? PARALLES??? Tell me it's fraud number 3.

But god, none of that is on Lewis. It doesn't make sense to blame him and it's so unfair but George doesn't deal well with everything, he's just not okay, he can't help it, it's just how he feels, resentful, bitter, frustrated, cynical, whatever - when really he's just angry with himself.

IT'S SO GOOD. IT'S NOT OKAY, IT'S SO TOXIC, BUT SO GOOD. Because how is Lewis supposed to handle that, right? None of what George might throw at him is something he's actually at fault for. But will he be able to be level headed about it? When he sees history repeating with yet another person who meant the world to him turning against him because of his success? You know?? But also - does he allow George too much, maybe, because on the one hand he is his boss now but on the other hand he is his boss now and he doesn't want to pull rank and make things worse, he doesn't want to let his own emotions compromise him??

Ok I could go on but I think I'm being incoherent af so I won't, for now, but yeah can you tell I'm excited

ANON <3333333333333333333 i love u. over and over again. incredibly lengthy reply under the cut and also a tiny sneak peak of chap one:

george isn't in contention for the WDC in 2023, but he's definitely up there and aligned with what people expect from mercedes. He's got a decent car behind him and he's got raw talent, everyone knows he does, but lewis is still lewis and george still has so much to learn.

And he doesn't compare himself to Lewis, because he's the first to tell you lewis is the GOAT - i mean, that's canon anyway LMAO - but he just so desperately wants to prove to lewis that he's got what it takes, that he's worthy of the mantel lewis is inevitably thinking about handing over, and that mercedes is in his safe hands when he's gone.

i don't want to reveal too much, but i can say george comes very very close in 2024 to beating max and it's by his own volition that he doesn't. and everyone had expected him to, george and mercedes and the fans and fuck, his performance has been so dominating in a way nobody expected from him necessarily to happen so soon, but lewis left and george had the heavy weight of mercedes' expectations dumped on him that he had no choice but to step up, to be better, and so he does.

but it still isn't enough. he doesn't win the WDC, and at the end of it all it doesn't matter how close he comes, he doesn't win. he bottles it when it mattered most and it's something a lot of fans don't forgive him for, because it's nobody's fault but his own. there's no car worthy of blame, this time, it's all on george and he suffers the consequences for it.

and it sucks him down, pulls him under and doesn't let him back up for air, the disappointment he knows he's caused evident in the way people look at him, how they speak to him, how his team keep him far away from social media in the weeks after Abu Dhabi. his safety net with lewis is gone, along with the man himself, and george is so alone with it all that it consumes him, forces himself to put up walls he's never had to before just to come through the other side with his soul intact.

he doesn't entirely succeed.

but you're right, none of it is lewis' fault - lewis doesn't owe george anything, and george knows that, somewhere in the depths of himself he knows lewis doesn't owe him a single thing but it's easier to resent him for leaving him all alone than to take a look at himself and take ownership for the choices he's made that's gotten him where he is.

but then lewis isn't not at fault entirely, either - he sees hints that george is struggling, not enough to solidify it for him, but enough that he has to actively ignore it to stop it from clawing at him. he sees it and he doesn't do anything, because they're not together anymore and it's not his problem - george isn't his problem - anymore. and if it keeps him up at night, if he can see the hollow look in george's eyes and the pretty porcelain of his smile so painfully fake to all who know him when he shuts his eyes, well. nobody but him will know about it. he doesn't do anything not because he doesn't want to, but he doesn't think it's his place to, but george doesn't know that.

here's a snippet from lewis' decision to rejoin merc as team principal, and you'll see what i mean:

"When he sees history repeating with yet another person who meant the world to him turning against him because of his success?" anonnnn this hurt so much!!!! because at it's centre this fic is a story of misunderstandings and trust breakdowns between two people who, at their core, still love one another so much but don't ever talk about it. lewis thinks george is turning against him because he can't deal with failing to follow in lewis' footsteps, and george thinks lewis left him all alone to deal with the pressure because he simply didn't care enough about him to stick around anymore.

IT IS... KINDA TOXIC ICL. but i hope it doesn't put anyone off, because it's so much more nuanced than that (but i totally get if it does lmao) and i hope it's an enjoyable read.

thank you so so so much for this ask, i couldn't believe it when i saw it in my inbox sjdnkjasn i'm SO glad you're excited about it cus i really am!!!!