#they still do the classic switch off when one of them dies

[sonicrainicorn]

Here's a fun, wholesome fact for the single dad au: Kevin and Dan always play the newest Zelda game together. It's tradition

[spinchip]

Zane peeks over Dot’s shoulder where she’s curled up on the couch reading a book. “What are you reading?”

It’s a testament to how normalized being haunted is for her when she doesn’t even flinch. She glances over at him before dog-earing the page and putting her book down. She glances around the room to make sure no one is within ear-shot, “Romance book. Princess is kidnapped, a knight goes to save her, the wizard who kidnapped her falls in love with her- Oh, the Knight is also in love with her. Classic love triangle.” She shrugs before pinning him with a playfully pointed glare, “Nice of you to show up. It was my turn to make dinner tonight y'know, And everyone is always raving about your cooking. I could have used your help!”

He has the good graces to look apologetic, “How long have I been gone for this time?” he asks.

“Just one day.” she reassures him, “Not too long.”

“Ah, good.” He murmurs.

“Hey, you’ve never told me- where do you go?” Tilting her head, she clarifies, “Like when you vanish for days at a time. Where do you disappear off to?”

He feigns sitting on the arm of the couch. He can’t actually interact with the physical world in any way, but it makes him feel more grounded to pretend, “I do not know.” He admits, “Someplace dark and quiet… similar to the space between dreams.”

“So it’s like you're sleeping?”

“Not quite. I can still sleep, like during the times when you need your privacy. That is different from this.” he thinks on it for a moment, “I can sleep in that place, too. So I am awake when I am pulled there.”

She makes a humming noise, “Do you think it’s a place in Ninjago?”

“It is a possibility.” he frowns, “I cannot be sure.”

She worries her fingers over the edge of the knee joint on her prosthetic, “Are you sure it’s a good idea to keep everything a secret from the others?”

She watches him deflate a little, his whole body slumping in a soul-deep sadness, “I do not want to keep this from the others, but it is necessary. These black out episodes are proof of that… I am not stable. Whatever is keeping me here may not be permanent, and from our research so far there is no way to bring me back. Telling the others may just be giving them false hope.”

“Yeah…” she sighs, “If I told them you were still around and then you vanished for good, it'd be like you died all over again.”

“That is one way to put it.” He smiles grimly.

There’s a pause, “It’s hard for me too.” She admits softly. “I mean, not so much now because I’m used to you going MIA… but you were gone for a whole week once, and I was afraid you were gone. What if I can't find a way to bring you back before you’re stuck in that place forever?”

“Dot,” He says gently, placing a hand on top of her own. There’s no sensation on her skin, it’s like he’s not even touching her at all, “I chose this when I destroyed the overlord. Whatever happens is not your fault. I am at peace with my actions.” He reassures her.

“I just… can’t imagine life without you anymore, y’know?”

“I would miss you too.” He pats her hand just to do it, “I believe we will find an answer, and if we do not then that is just how it was meant to be. You will have ice… even if my presence is gone, I will always be with you.”

“You’re a big sap when you want to be.” She sniffs, rubbing at her eye.

“I am actually a regular sized robot.” he informs her with a snarks grin.

She shakes her head, “A regular sized robot who is not funny.”

“Of course not. I have not turned on my funny switch.”

“Your what?”

[undercoverpan]

A father protects

Jake Sully liked to think of himself as a loving father.

He wasn't the overprotective, helicopter parent that his own father was before he died.

Jake didn't like talking about him. He knew the man loved him and his brother, he'd given up too much for it all to be an elaborate act. He'd been born in an active warzone, where nothing thrived. When his mother died, they were too young to remember, so he truly didn't know. All he knew was that his father trekked thousands of miles to the safest place he could get. They lived as nomads for a while, eating off paper plates and never having a certain place to sleep, but to Jake, those years were the best.

It sure beat being locked in the house, when they finally got one. They lived in a complex, privately owned by the factory his father worked at. He never said what he did at work, they just knew he came home late, exhausted beyond measure, with burnt hands and stiff shoulders. Still, he always smiled and ruffled their hair and kissed their foreheads.

It was simple back when he was a kid. Oh, he can't go out to play with the other kids? Just play inside with his brother! Oh, Jake had to switch to homeschooling? Just fine!

As he got older, he couldn't remain ignorant to the horrors that laid outside their cramped little apartment. He knew what happened to the other kids, knew that their father had shut them inside and bolted the windows and put 3 locks on the front door because he wanted to keep them safe. But his brother, younger by mere minutes, was eager to run away and never return. Had always said that their dad was overprotective and possessive, and sometimes, Jake agreed. Jake was allowed very few friends, most of his free time spent in a locked room. The windows couldn't open, and they were blacked out. 

He recalled one moment in his life that complicated things. His father and brother, screaming at each other about privacy and freedom when, all of a sudden, his father slapped Tommy across the face. The force sent him back a bit, and Jake had frozen. A beat of silence passed through the house, before he rushed to his brother, standing between him and his father. What happened next was a blur, but all he remembers was this: He had to protect Tommy from everything, including their father.

Then, somehow, Tommy left their little haven. Had gone off to college, rarely heard from again. Jake saw how it had broken his heart, but he was happy that Tom had finally gotten that freedom he was chasing.

Then he died, and the rest is history.

____

Jake truly didn't know when it started. 

He wasn't like this with his kids, he could assure you. He–, well, he was the normal amount of overprotective when it came to his sons and daughters. Lecturing them about safety, making sure they were in bed every night, all that classic dad stuff. He got a little worse when they had to leave for the reefs, but he wasn't unbearable.

At least, he didn't think so. Neytiri hadn't thought so, and that was all that matters.

_____

The day he laid his wife and children to rest crept upon him silently. They'd passed away in battle, fighting to protect their new home. Jake considered tying a boulder to himself and jumping into the ocean, if only to join them. To hold them and swear, swear that he'd never let anything hurt them ever again. But he knew how his Neytiri would react if he turned up dead only days after her and the kids. He was Toruk Makto. He should trust Eywa to claim him when the time is right. Every night he begged her to move up her schedule, just a bit.

He thinks that it was after the ceremony that he was unbearable. He was stuck as Jake, Toruk Makto, because Jake the Father had failed. Failed in every way conceivable. But Toruk Makto would never make those kinds of mistakes.

So Spider didn't have a father after his adoption, but he had someone who would keep him safe. Who would not fail him, ever. No matter what he had to do, or who he had to hurt, he'd keep the remaining morsel of his family safe.

____

Spider found that he was not allowed to roam around the Metkayina village alone. Jake told him it was because of how distrustful they were of humans, that he wasn't sure that they wouldn't attack him on sight. Spider believed him, because of course he did, and stayed inside the marui. It was on the edge of the village, overlooking the ocean. The breeze had felt so nice on his skin, sometimes he couldn't help but lean outside, just a little bit.

The boy wasn't quite himself anymore, that much was obvious. He was pliable and quiet in a way he never was before. In a way Jake was thankful. His obedience made it easier to protect him, but it still worried him. The scars that lined his body like the stripes of the Omaticaya, they told a violent story. But Jake rubbed paste and did whatever he recalled Neytiri doing for his injuries and hoped they'd fade. He painted blue stripes over them frequently, sometimes just to pretend the scars didn't exist and that he never got taken and that they were still in the forest, safe.

He could kiss his brow, and trail his fingers over the scars. He pinned and braided his hair 

Just for a few moments, they'd be safe.

____

All good things must come to an end. That is one of the sayings taught to human children.

It's the saying that popped into Jake's head when he caught Spider constantly looking outside. He'd been bouncing his leg as he sat on the floor by Jake's feet, braiding a piece of jewellery. It was a simple anklet, with small red beads knotted tightly into place. It was a bit too big for Jake, and much too large for Spider. The father narrowed his eyes, but said nothing. Instead, he silently formulated a plan.

_____

Jake had to leave during the day, to help hunt and repair. Always at a specific time. He knew Spider had picked up on it, which is why, when he bid his goodbye and pressed a lingering kiss to his temple as always, he waited not too far outside his marui. After some time had passed, he saw Spider exit their home. He clenched his teeth, not surprised at the rage that entered his system. Spider knew he was forbidden from the outside, and yet–,

He followed his son to the reefs. The boy stuck close to the natural foliage, avoiding the population. Eventually they made it to an almost empty side of the shore, with jagged rocks and hot sand. It was here that Jake felt his rage and possessiveness boil over. He watched as Spider ran to Tonowari of all people. The larger man bent down, with his arms spread, as Spider leapt towards him. The man caught him, offering a gentle smile. Spider offered the anklet to him, shyly.

He watched with white hot rage as Tonowari accepted, placing a soft kiss on the same place Jake did moments before.

He felt sick. How dare….HOW DARE HE? 

Sneaking out to see someone else? What? Was Jake not good enough? Didn't he provide everything he needed? Didn't he keep him safe? He kept him happy and safe and fed and warm. He did all that, yet here Spider was, smiling and giving gifts. 

____

Jake had a course of action by the time Spider started coming back. He'd left home, too sickened by the sight to stay any longer. He had come to a decision, one that would improve his behaviour, hopefully.

He realised he's been too lenient with Spider. The boy had just returned from being kidnapped, tortured and held captive for months. He just lost his family. What he needed was structure, and Jake tended to provide a goddamn good one. He was sitting in their Marui by the time Spider returned, posture stiff and rigid. He could tell Spider was surprised to see him.

"J--Si--Dad!" He stuttered, flinching at his cold gaze. "You're back early! Hunting went okay this time?" He asked nervously, leaning against the post of the doorway. His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed, drumming his fingers against his skin. "Dad? Everything okay?" He shifted again, moving backwards. Jake moved his hand slightly, tilting his head, and the boy stopped. He looks like a frightened creature from his first hunt, eyes wild and twitching, like it wants to run. He can hear Spider's heart jackrabbiting in his chest. Good.

Jake remained silent. He wonders what he must look like, to provoke such fear into the child. Suddenly, with a screech of the chair, he stood up. The boy was startled so badly, he knocked into the post. He barely had time to react before Jake grabbed him by his upper arm, dragging him towards the shore. The boy asked endless questions while they walked, like, "Where are we going?" and, "Are you mad at me?"

They came to the skimwing quickly, Jake hopping on and pulling Spider with him. He could feel the boy quivering beneath him, could feel the quick beating of his heart against his chest. The boy's fear was so thick, he could practically smell it. He was as stiff as a board in his hold, breathing quickly and glancing at him. They travelled for at least an hour, approaching a flat stone. 

They slowed to a stop, Jake all but dragging Spider now. He threw him to the ground, the boy wincing so badly, he hardly noticed Jake picking up a rock in his hand. "So what's up with Tonowari, hm?" He asked, his gaze sharper than any blade made by the Na'vi. Spider sputtered, looking away. "Um–, I--I–, I went outside and–" he gulped, "I tried not to let anyone see me, but he saw me, so he," He met his gaze, "He started following me. He said he wouldn't hu--hurt me if I just answered some questions," he babbled on.

"So he was threatening you, is that it?" Jake cut in, his voice harsh, "Didn't look like he was threatening you." He accused, taking a threatening step towards the boy. He shuffled backwards, "W-wait! He was–, he never hurt me, and I thought he was really nice, and you told me everyone wanted to kill me, so I just wanted to spend time with him, yknow?" Nervous, nervous, scared. 

Jake stilled and, "Are you calling me a liar?" And Spider knew he messed up. "No! No, no, no," Jake was on him in a second. "No, you're saying I've been lying to you. You're saying I'm a bad provider. You're really hurting me, you know that?" He continued, ignoring the others cries, "Lo'ak would never do this. Neteyam, Kiri, Tuk, they'd never do such things. You know why? Because they'd be punished." He hissed, and Spider cried louder.

"You deserve to be punished, don't you?" When Spider didn't respond, he gripped his hair and pulled back. "Don't you?" Spider cried as he nodded, desperate to get this over with, desperate to right his wrongs, to appease his father. Without any indication, Jake raised the stone and brought it down hard onto the boy's leg. He screamed out as blood gushed from his leg, tears pooling in the mask.

Jake struck him many times, barely registering the crack of his bones or the blood coating them like a thick layer of snow. Spider screamed and cried and begged the entire time his father all but severed his leg, but he was still at the end, save for a few hiccups. "Pl--please dad, papa, please, stop." He begged, Jake sighed. "Did you learn your lesson, son?" He asked. Spider had probably realised that Jake wasn't interested in repeating himself. He nodded weakly, and flinched as Jake gently pulled him close. The shift  was so strange and sudden, it gave him whiplash. 

He cried into the other's chest as he pressed kisses to his forehead, praising him on how well he did, that he won't do this again if Spider behaves. The boy takes it in stride, because he can't do much else. He thinks he deserves this, that this was normal discipline. 

Somewhere in the haze of pain, there is a thick cloud of fear and a need to get away. He wants Quaritch. He wants Tonowari. He wants Kiri, Tuk, Lo'ak, Neteyam and Neytiri. He wants to be safe and he wants to go home. But his home is in the arms of a man covered in his blood. He closes his eyes and grits his teeth as his leg stung.

"We'll get you home, and I'll fix you up, okay?" He promised as he lifted the boy up, rock abandoned on the surface. "And remember, if you ever go to Tonowari, or anyone else ever again," he looked down at the boy who was slowly losing consciousness, "I'll cut your leg off."

_______

Thought i posted this one before but i cant find it anywhere so here, part 1 of the lil blurb from yesterday

[approximateknowledge]

no parents: the seemingly paradoxical potential of a eusocial individual

(a rant about biology, philosophy, and various fictional societies from scifi settings)

first things first: when i talk about eusociality i mean it in the core biological sense of the word; it's a reproductive strategy. it's fundamentally about polymorphism within a single species, and the smallest of distinctions necessary is the distinction between reproductive and non-reproductive castes. the "ant queen". the "queen" is not a ruler; it's an egg-laying machine. the queen of a naked molerat burrow-complex holds no more inherent authority over "her" offspring than any other rodent matriarch would. each molerat is an individual. each ant, each termite, each bee, each sponge-symbiote shrimp.

the point im trying to emphasise is that im not talking about hiveminds here!!!

good? good.

^an indidual

now with that out of the way:

-PART ONE: HUMAN APPROXIMATIONS

so, first of, examples of fictional societies of *humans* who switched their mode of reproduction to something akin or close to the eusocial "worker, queen, drone" template, though again, not all pieces are needed to "count"

1a: brave new world

starting off with an old scifi classic! BNW's society is interesting in just how it walks the tightrope between dystopia and utopia; to steal the term from isaac arthur, it's "post-discontent". every single individual is fully and completely human current day baseline-standards; a mortician wouldn't see a single strange thing about them. but they're all purpose *grown*. production-line wise, "our fordship be with us". it's production. no parents. all are free to do what they want. and they were made to do what they were made for. it's the culmination of a well-intentioned dream of fulfillment and efficiency.

the one factor to keep in mind is that technically speaking, *everyone* is still potentially reproductive. not in the mammalian reproduction way, but in the gene-donor for the hatcheries way. this detail does little to detract from the eusocial structure of the society.

individual-potential, there's actually very little to say! the entire thing is genuinely just shockingy *healthy* for each individual. and there are outliers! and there's also contingencies for outliers that are beneficial to said outliers. the new world does not limit. that would be cruel. and it is never cruel. the issue some of the outliers have is that it's *too* kind, in fact!

1b: tleilaxu

in contrast, the tleilaxu from the dune universe follow the structure of a eusocial organism almost to the letter. *almost*.

they're curious in how their incredible feats of society-shaping and biotechnology are all made in service to what ultimately amounts to an extreme form of fundamentalist zealotry. the culmination of the ultimate religious misogyny: "all tleilaxu women are queens", which, in the eusocial terminology, means they exist solely for reproduction.

on top of this, the majority of the tleilaxu population consists of completely sterile "face dancers" who are on the one hand still fully *people*, but simultaneously completely beholden to the orders of their masters on an instinctive level. orders given not in spoken language, but a complex inherent system of whistles and chemicals. like the pheromone trails of ants but more detailed.

and then there's the "masters". the *other* reproductive caste. they too are genetically modified to hell and back but on top of this keep simply regrowing themselves, in a twisted approximation of immortality. the ever-reborn rulers of their army of "growth tanks" and disposable face-dancer servants.

dune doesn't need aliens; given enough time to diverge, any human can become an alien.

and no individual can be an individual here. not at first at least. because there are still parents. the masters spoil the potential. they should've died long ago.

1c: krieg

yes, that krieg. from warhammer 40k. the trench WW1-larper guys. *insert shovel joke here*

but there's something there!

krieg is strange. you could argue the vita-womb born soldiers of the bombed-out shell of a hiveworld that is war-in-german are no different from say, clone troopers in star wars. except there's a massive difference under the hood; *krieg made and makes itself*. it's a society. the regiments of krieg are conscripted, sure, but they always send more than asked. they'd go out there unasked. they weren't made on order. they're a culture. a very distinct and purposeful one. and they no longer have the concept of a parent. a ruler, yes. a god too, in the great god-emperor of mankind. but each individual in the ranks of the underground cities of krieg is an individual. no parents, not an orphan.

^one of the happiest people in the imperium, somehow

and an added quirk of krieg is the fact it's a eusocial outlier in an otherwise very much reproductively baseline greater imperium (give or take whatever goes on with servitors and on some forge worlds). which is something i genuinely know no other examples of in fiction (if you do let me know please!)

-PART TWO: INTRINSIC EUSOCIALITY (IT'S JUST HOMESTUCK AND VAST ERROR BUT TRUST ME ON THIS ONE)

you all knew this was coming! troll-time baby!

-2a: alternia

to understand troll reproduction i will *not* be going into quadrants; because funnily enough, interactions and relationships between individual *trolls* doesn't mean much for the complete picture. because trolls, funnily enough, occupy the same part of the "triangle" of eusocial phenotypes as the tleilaxu masters. not queens, not workers, but drones. (except troll workers are called drones because terminology is never straigth-forward!). or more accurately, 3 trolls are 1 drone, reproductively speaking.

that also explains the rampant intraspecific violence and other r-selected traits that seem out of place for a eusocial species, which are normally very good at caring for their offspring. except this does happen: to drones! because troll society is run *by drones* trolls fight and squabble and invent and the entire society and quite possibly troll sentience itself is a result of this rampant competition and sexual selection. ultra-individualists with no parents. a lusus isn't a parent, it doesn't have *expectations* beyond affection and food (though that last one can in itself be a huge issue: see spidermom and gl'golyb). but not a parent. a hive is a home. and ironically the straightforward stable ancient cruelty of alternia, though filled with mundane dread, is mercifully bereft of most existential dread. as is fitting for a society that evolved sapience in a post-scarcity environment.

almost the most individualistic eusocial society imaginable. almost.

(-2a*: beforus)

similar to alternia except in that past initial culling in the brood caverns the intraspecific violence is kept to an absolute minimu at the cost of very strong and paternalistic control. objectively a better place to live but it has a lot of issues and is arguably worse mentally for most. (beforus too has *issues*, they're just less in your face than alternia's, which is in itself part of the larger issue)

-2b: repiton

and at last, repiton my beloved outlier that does things to my perception and lives in my thinkpan rent-free, not that i ever ask rent.

repiton of the upside-down uncanny valley. the ex-post-scarcity society of eusocials keeping themselves going with mother grubs. without drones. ony trolls and almost-cloning. a species on permanent life-support. such an odd outlier, almost reminiscent of brave new world, but they got where they are from the other side of the growth tanks. the humans of brave new world could always go back to mammalian reproduction within a single generation, but the mother grubs are *gone*. it's barely eusocial at all anymore, just the remnants of it.

crumbled to the feudal ancap wasteland of desperation pretending to be freedom. the malaise of borrowed time.

end

im sorry i have no conclusion, only pent-up thoughts i wanted to share.

about brave new world and repiton as mirrors, written almost a century apart.

about krieg as the philosophically fascinating outlier it is.

about the difference between parent and lusus, and why i wish i grew up with the latter.

and about why a hivemind sucks all the interesting parts out of eusociality as a concept.

thanks to the single-digit amount of people reading all the way to the end.

[hipsterteller]

The great sevens past

Now Enma Yuuken knows the Disney classic, but meeting them in person...is awkward...

Why? Simple...

Doctor Ludwig Von Drake had invented a machine that could help Enma and Aeryn back home, by looking through the past.

The machine has a helmet with cords and wires sticking out, like a retro sci-fi film. Right now, Doctor Von Drake had to use the house of a mouse since everyone, even the great seven want to see his past.

"Are you almost done?" Aeryn called out from Horrace place since Von Drake is there.

"Almost done!"

And with a single click, Von Drake got rocket out as sparks blew him off and landed on the table were Aeriel was.

He sat up and cough a bit of smoke out from his mouth and said "it's ready!" He collapsed and Enma held a brave face, Aeryn held his hand. She had looked up to him as an older brother and Enma turn to her and smiled.

"You got this Yuu..."

Enma nodded, as Idia flipped the switch...the projector began to play revealing Enma's past.

Everyone gasped and awwed at this as Aeryn is too pleased at this..

It worked...it really...really worked...

They watched as Enma is shocked and slowly recall his past, then he watched as one day he helped one of his club memeber for an upcoming tournament.

That was the night he was transported to Twisted Wonderland, transported to Night Raven College.

"Wow...you weren't kidding when you said you met a horse with an ugly face." Ace commented and it brought some chuckle here and there.

"No kidd..." Enma could only respond as he then recall meeting Grim then working...but they fast forward it to Riddle first Overblot...

The moment they saw it...The Disney heroes and villains had seen this but NRC did...and wish to forget it, Aeryn is shocked and comfort Riddle.

They watch as Riddle reveal his childhood past and seeing how his mother did just made the queen of hearts blood boiled in rage.

Sure she's following the rules and wants her child to be perfect but that doesn't mean to be like that, a child must have a positive childhood and healthy life. Not being a puppet...

Riddle looked away as he hugged Aeryn more, the queen of hearts tapped Aeryn's shoulder for her to past Riddle, she did and the queen of hearts hugged him.

"My dear child, it's okay to break the rules and be yourself...if your mother makes you do those things...I won't hesitate to cut her head by myself..."

Hearing this made Riddle hugged more.

After seeing Riddle Overblots, Leona's next...seeing this upset Leona a lot...Scar understand his motive and spoke calmly

"I know you are eager but if that girl thought me one thing is being a second helper or patience..."

Leona just nodded not wanting to respond, Ruggie snicker seeing his tail wagged more.

After that was Azul, now Azul is ashamed for his body appearance but Ursula knew he hated it even she but she respond.

"Don't think about it too much kid, sure people laugh at you but now look at you! Your a fine man to woe over"

Azul blushed embarrassment while Floyd grin and cooed him since he likes how Azul was when they met being chubby and cute.

Then Jamil Overblot came, Jafar understood his pain and hated being shadowed but seeing Kamil telling him that he changed even he too changed.

After Jamil, it was Vil's turn, Grimhilde was about to tell him when she saw him being comforted by Aeryn, his cheeks turn a bit red, and smiled follow by her kissing him on the cheeks and Neige was planning to be take the role as the villain next time.

Grimhilde smiled as Vil find himself in love with the girl, next is Idia. Anna and Elsa understand that death are not easy to handle…they went into 5 stages of grief.

Hades notice this and sighed, even he too knows grief are not easy to handle. Whenever his at underworld he would find souls that had died…especially children’s.

As Malleus stories next, everyone is still shaken by the incident. In fact, they nearly died if Enma hadn't stopped the fight and Aeryn talked him out.

Maleficent watched as his past is similar to hers, she clutch onto her staff tightly as her pet crow, Diavolo. Comfort his queen. She turned to Malleus as she turned to him seeing that Malleus is embarrassed and shame at that.

After that, Enma pull the helmet away as he sighed, the projector stopped and he relaxed feeling his brain had went through some long history.

"You okay?" Aeryn helped him up as Enma nodded "yes, I'm alright..."

Deuce pick up the helmet and turned to Aeryn then back to the helmet, to Aeryn then helmet. And just like that a light bulb pops above his head as he just got an idea...

"Hey Aeryn why not you try?"

Everyone turned to him as if he just said something unusual...Ace is jawdropped and commented.

"Deuce...you just said something smart..."

Deuce raised an eyebrow "I did?"

Ludwig Von Drake spring back after a long napped and snapped "yes you did my boy! Aeryn my dear why not you sit down and let us see your past?"

Aeryn wanted to say something but scarred...

Will she try it on?

[prairiesongserial]

23.12

“Alright, listen up,” Alte said. “You can ask me to repeat the question as many times as you want, discuss it as much as you want, and you get as many cracks at it as you want. But none of the other students can tell you what to say, got it? You can’t give me someone else’s answer.”

From John and Cassidy’s conspicuous lack of protest, Val supposed this was how the rules on the other floors had been. It seemed a little harsh to make Percy take on questions meant for older students without any assistance, but the little prince had a good attitude about it all the same; he nodded at Alte with gravitas.

“Understood,” Percy said.

“I’ve been helping him with books when he needs it,” Cassidy said. “Since he only reads English.”

Alte shrugged. “That’s fine. I didn’t think two little kids would learn Hebrew overnight–no offense to them.”

“None taken,” Percy said. “May I have the question now?”

“Oh, right.” Alte cleared her throat. She stood up straighter, maybe an attempt to get a bit more into character as a floor master, and started to recite. “There’s an out of control train heading for five strangers tied up on the tracks. You’re watching it from outside, standing next to a switch that will redirect the train onto a different track. But another person, someone you know, is tied up on the other track. If you flip the switch, they’ll die instead. According to halacha, what should be done?”

“Oh, hell,” Cassidy swore, before Alte had even finished talking. “You’re still doing this one?”

“It’s a classic ethical dilemma,” Alte replied, blank-faced.

“It’s a stupid one,” Cassidy said. They were pacing now, and had taken off their jacket, twisting the fabric of it between their hands. “First of all, it’s not a situation you’d ever have to worry about in the real world–which, don’t get me wrong, I know is the point, but what are we doing here if not preparing you students to apply halacha to real world problems? And second of all–”

“They never passed their eighth-year exams, by the way,” Alte said, addressing Val.

“I left before finals, thank you very much,” Cassidy said. “Second of all, it doesn’t matter what halacha says in this case, because you’ve got the moral responsibility to save as many people as possible. Jam the wheels of the train for all I care, but figure it out.”

“The question isn’t asking what you would do,” Alte pointed out.

The two swapped to Yiddish and began to argue, Cassidy punctuating each point with spirited hand gestures. Alte remained straight-faced, hands laced behind her back, though Val could see an amused smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. She had been serious when she’d said she enjoyed disagreements the night before.

“What would you do?” John asked abruptly, turning around to face Val.

Val blinked. “Me?”

John nodded once, brusquely. “About the train.”

“I don’t know.” 

Despite how adamant Cassidy was that the problem had no basis in reality, Val wasn’t so sure that was true. The decision at the core of it–judging the value of one life against the value of many–was the same decision Johannes had made, when he’d chosen to fight Hemisphere at the barricade in Maine. He’d thrown himself and everyone else into danger because he’d gotten attached to Val, and he’d died for it.

“I think I would sacrifice one person for the sake of the five,” Val said, aloud. “That way you’re saving the most lives, aren’t you?”

John gave him an odd look.

“What?” Val asked. His throat tightened as remembered, unbidden, the parable of the shepherd carrying the lost sheep home on his shoulders. “What would you do?”

“I would save the person I knew,” John said. 

Considering everything John had been through for the sake of a single person, that made sense.

“Well, it’s not about what any of us would do personally, is it?” Percy piped up. He’d been standing in place, eyebrows furrowed in thought, though evidently also listening in on the conversation. “Personally, I would find a way to stop the train before anyone got hurt. But the question is what, according to the rabbis, should…”

He trailed off. There was a spark of realization in his eyes. Without another word, he turned on his heel and marched off into the bookshelves, clearly in search of something specific. Even Cassidy and Alte stopped bickering to watch him go; both cringed as Percy began yanking books down without any particular rhyme or reason, causing a minor avalanche in his wake.

“I’ll go help,” Cassidy said, switching to English and trotting off after the prince. “Menashe, hold your horses, you’re making a mess–”

*

The morning passed quickly. Percy and Cassidy didn’t emerge from the stacks for some time. Apparently the prince was cooking up an argument that needed very specific sources, or quite a lot of them. The other eighth-year students took a healthy interest in Gawain; John hovered nearby, stone-faced, watching the teenagers give the boy piggy-back rides and perform sleight-of-hand tricks for his entertainment.

Val, for his part, was studying the Yiddish dictionary again, his second cup of coffee going cold on the table. He glanced up briefly when Alte sat down across from him, but they stayed in companionable silence for a while before she spoke.

“You can take that with you, if you want,” she said. “We’ve got plenty.”

“Really?” Val asked.

“Sure. No one will miss it.” She took a sip of her own coffee, holding the mug in both hands.

“I don’t want to take your books.”

“It’s not taking if I’m offering. It’s a gift.” Alte looked at him sternly over the rim of the mug, a look that dared him to argue. “Don’t be Catholic about it.”

“I’m being polite,” Val protested. “I don’t think–”

“Too late. Book’s yours. You can’t give it back now.”

Val was prevented from arguing any further by Percy’s reemergence from the stacks. The prince carried with him a page of what looked like handwritten notes, and approached Alte confidently where she sat, Cassidy loping along behind him.

“I think I’ve got it,” he said.

“Okay,” Alte replied. “Tell me.”

“You don’t do anything,” Percy said. “According to the law, the correct answer is to walk away.”

Alte arched her eyebrows. “What makes you say that?”

“Well,” Percy said, and sat down next to her with his notes. “At first I thought, ‘thou shalt not kill’ being one of the major commandments, you ought to try and save as many people as possible. But Cassidy argued with you because that wasn’t the answer you were looking for–even if it is the morally responsible thing. Which made me think, how much killing are you really responsible for in this situation?”

“But you’re still a bystander,” Alte prodded him. “Aren’t you complicit if you’re watching without doing anything?”

“No,” Percy said. “I think you’re only complicit if you’re making the choice between who lives and who dies. Oholot tells us that one must not set aside one person’s life for another, and, er…” He paused to squint at his notes. “Pesachim relates a story about a man who was told to kill or be killed, but was told by Rava that it was preferable to be killed in that situation. Rava asks him, ‘why do you think your blood is redder than another’s?’”

“And because of this, you should walk away?” Alte asked.

“Yes, I think so.” Percy nodded. “The Foundations of the Torah also tells us that if a group is told to hand over one member or be killed, it’s preferable for everyone to be killed than to hand over that one person. Which isn’t exactly the same case, but it’s a bit comparable, isn’t it? So I think, in the situation of your train problem, you violate the law the moment you touch the switch.”

Alte set her coffee cup down and stood up, looking down contemplatively at Percy. Val was afraid for a brief moment that she was going to tell the boy he’d failed–the solution he’d come up with did seem crazy, even if he had the sources to back it up. Then, Alte smiled, and offered the prince a hand up from his seat.

“Well done, Menashe,” she said. “Pass.”

“I don’t agree with it,” Percy said, taking her hand and standing. “I feel as though I should say. I agree with Cassidy that you ought to save as many as possible. But you saying that it was about the law, not what Cassidy thinks, was a good hint.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Alte said, smiling. “I don’t give hints.”

Percy nodded solemnly. “Of course not.”

“Well, now that that’s done,” Cassidy said, clapping Percy on the back, “we should get going. Not that it hasn’t been a great little visit, but let’s finally have the conversation we came here for, hey?”

Val blinked, nodded, and got up. He’d almost forgotten there was an end to all the time they’d already spent in the tower, an end that was now one floor above them. He caught John’s eye from across the room and saw that they were both thinking the same thing–the faster they got this over with, the faster they could get back on the road to meet up with Cody and Friday in Italy.

“Come and visit me in England when you graduate,” Cassidy said to the eighth-years, scooping Gawain up off the floor and tucking the boy under one arm–Gawain squealed happily, already riled up from all the attention from the students. “I’ll show you my boat.”

“You have a boat?” Roza asked, incredulous.

Cassidy laughed, and declined to elaborate. Instead, they toted Gawain over towards the stairwell, putting a hand on Percy’s back to steer him there as well. John followed them closely, wearing his usual neutral expression, hands tucked in his pockets.

Something nudged Val’s elbow; it was Alte, putting the Yiddish dictionary into his hands. He shot her a look, and she smiled with a shrug.

“I told you,” she said. “It’s a gift. Use it in good health.”

He nearly argued with her again, then thought better of it, and closed his hands around the book.

“Thank you,” he said, and hurried to meet everyone else at the door.

23.11 || 23.13

[mushroom-for-art]

I'm so dreadfully sorry this took so long been busy, my head is unfortunately a cheese so I forgot all the cool things I wanted to do for these guys but introducing Ray and Mue, fusion ship meme children of my May and @blues-sues's Rue! (and yes I did just do the classic letter swap switch for names fight me)

So Ray takes a lot after Rue physically being pale with pink and inherited stripe but more orange on the scale from May and her horn style though obviously shorter than her silly huge ones and her short stubby tail. I imagine his orange stripe actually climbs up his back but below his chest piece.

Mue meanwhile is more color but slide to the pink spectrum like Rue and Rues horns but they're like longer along her head like how May's go all the way back with a kind of pink orange mix color tail, long like Rues but Mue got freckles she was gonna have stripes on her body made from freckles mixing those traits but decided not to steal that from Ray.

They also have like different stomach shapes, can't recall rn who's who.

So lore time!

After Rue and May escape in Rue!au, team rocket goes argh! Damn! Fuck! Lost another one. But in an attempt of recapture they manage to procure blood samples and go fine Rue clone it is. Unfortunately the samples were compromised mixing Rue and May's dna making fusion mix children.

Mue was the biggest healthiest when growing mixing Rues power and May's physical strengths making her very promising, she has boosted stats in HP, attack and defence so she hits hard and can take hits much like how May was significantly tanky if weak and Rues ability to hit hard, they figured they could train up her other stats later to make her even more powerful in future. She's the golden child for that having May's obedience and Rues enthusiasm for the organisation they're in, she's happy to be seen by whichever human caretaker is off screen rn. She was implanted with a mega X stone to compliment her hard hitting.

Ray however struggled more, being the only other survivor as the others unfortunately didn't last (probably due to May's bad genes) he needed to be removed from growth early to have surgery done on his second neck as due to its small size it had started to collapse which would've severely limited his psychic ability and usefulness probably he likely could've died from inadequate blood flow nerve damage stuff ect. He survived but his powers are while his wound healed still limited, being smaller and weaker and quieter he was more often ignored for the louder more promising Mue. He learnt to be quiet because no one heard him, only paid attention to when they checked on him so he's more withdrawn and insecure hence holding his own tail self comforting. His stats are boosted in Speed, sp defence and sp attack, while they do still train him as he gets older they obviously prefer Mue as she's stronger and with his limited psychic power the boost to his sp attack and defence doesn't do much. He's implanted with a mega Y to at least play on his speed.

While Mue is the golden child Ray begins to learn as they grow, especially after his psychic powers fully recover and bounce back (though to near overwhelming headache inducing degrees for him at first) that is he agrees to tests, agrees to experiments to trials and adjustments he gets attention, positive attention he gets praised he gets doted on showered in compliments. He's not dumb he knows they're only using him only saying how magnificent he is because he's letting them add machinery to his body but, it's a rush he's never had before and he gets stronger, armor to boost his defence that reduces the damage of hits and helps focus his powers to even more devastating effects. He gets powerful. He gets very powerful and very dangerous. Despite being the runt as he gets more tests done more experiments he gets more foods (and probably growth hormones) he gets bigger growing taller than Mue becoming a very tall lean mean harsh cold mewtwo covered in armor. He becomes very promising indeed.

Mue however, she starts to stagnate, she's powerful yes very powerful she hits hard and she does damage but she can't quite pull up her other stats to the same degree (they're still good stats probably just a touch below normal mewtwo stats), what's the point of hitting hard if her special attacks don't do as much damage as they should or she gets a chunk of health taken from a special attack. She starts to fall out of favor especially because she's used to being the favorite she's more confident and hot headed more self assured in a way she refuses experiments snaps she'll manage it herself. The golden child and the ignored child switch places slowly until she realises she's in her little brothers shadow and she doesn't know how to comprehend it. It's full cemented when they get into a fight that started as a simple spar, she can't get a hit on him but figured just one should do the trick to put her back on top. But she doesn't even get the chance to, he hits her first and he hits her with all he's got and she can't pull herself back up. It's from then she starts seeing the cracks in the organisation realising how she put blind faith into something that was untrue and even cruel as she gets pushed aside.

She tries to tell her brother of the horrors of it all that this wasn't good it was all bad and they needed to leave! But he just scoffs and looks at her behind his mask, "don't you think I already knew all that?" he'd snap coldly, "you may have not noticed before but I realised very quickly what was going on but I had to endure because I didn't have the same privilege you have now to be able to escape, it's all fine when little Mue gets whatever she wants but now little Mue isn't the favorite you want to call it quits? What about when I wasnt in favour huh?! When I cried and cried till my throat gave out because I was the disposable one?! You don't get to ruin this for me. You can run. I'll turn my back I'll let you I won't say a thing. But I'm not coming with you. And if they tell me to hunt you down and bring you back? I just hope I dont find you."

Ray at this point has put himself through too much to be able to leave, the augmentations potentially permanently fused to him (they don't want a repeat of the original mewtwo being able to simply remove it), validation is a hell of a drug and what could the outside possibly offer him? Being hunted chased hounded injured seen as some impossible capture, a sports trophy to boast about? He may not like what he's become but he's not going to become some humans prize.

And so Mue flees alone.

As you can tell I've thought a lot about Ray at least, Mue I struggle a bit with. Of course this is all hypothetical future stuff lmao, Blues you're absolutely free to go "um no actually stop being horrid to them" XD and if you'd like one you're free to claim. Sorry they're not as unique as some of the others, unfortunately May is #bland

[spooky-ghostwriter]

Sentinels Deck Number 5 - Silhouette

Normally, some time after finishing a Sentinels deck, I like to give a general explanation of what the deck is about, using a few cards as examples. This time, I felt I had something to say about darn near every card in the deck. So... let’s lean into that. I’ll go through the cards roughly in chronological order and tell the story of Silhouette, the goth vampire heroine.

Though Silhouette (civilian name Zywen Lotus) has a fascination with darkness, she’s still... mostly heroic. Silhouette gets her shadowy powers from an evil vampiric artifact called the Shadow Veil, and I wanted the player to feel like her powers are dangerous. Because of that, she starts with a pathetically low 20 hit points and a lot of cards in her deck have her deal herself damage. Trying to prevent the damage typically doesn’t work, so you’ll need some classic vampire life-stealing powers to keep Silhouette healthy!

This also marks my switch to Clip Studio Paint for digital art, and it helped me make some of the best art I’ve ever drawn!

Chronologically, the earliest we see Silhouette is on the incapacitated art for Escarlata, a hero I showed off some time ago. At that point, Silhouette was a little blonde girl by the name of Abby Adler. 

Abby’s parents were obsessed with making her into their ideal daughter - a prim and proper good catholic girl. They controlled how she dressed, how she acted, what she studied, everything they could.

In contrast, Abby was more interested in dark and spooky things that her parents would have disapproved of. In particular, she started visiting a vampire coven. She became enraptured by vampire culture and history.

When Abby’s best friend Cassandra was released from the hospital depicted above, Cassandra had gained the power to control fire. Jealous of Cassandra’s relative freedom and superpowers, Abby manipulated the coven master into converting her into a vampire. 

Abby returned home to her parents, newly converted and with a new name, Zywen. Her parents kicked Zywen out of the house in the middle of a sunny day, where Zywen nearly died. Luckily, Cassandra found her in the nick of time.

So this brings us to the first step of Zywen’s journey. She is now a vampire. I wanted to include a bunch of “obvious vampire tropes” in the deck for a few reasons. For one thing, the deck also includes a lot of ‘shadow magic’, and I wanted it to be as clear as possible that the character you’re playing is a vampire. But also, vampires vary so wildly from one work of fiction to the next that I wanted to nail down what my vampires can do.

Vampires in the Spooky Ghostwriter Comics-verse are significantly physically stronger than humans at night, but weaker during the day. They drink blood, but it doesn’t necessarily need to be human blood. Animal blood works just fine. They can turn into bats and have slight hypnotic abilities.

Another important piece of any hero deck is to show off the character’s personality. Zywen is an edgy edgy girl. Why drink blood out of a glass when you can have a goblet? Why have a desk lamp if it’s not shaped like a skeletal arm?

However, as disappointing as it may be for her, she is not an ancient sorceress in a Victorian-era mansion. She lives in an ordinary with Cassandra. She plays video games and dresses up her friends in modern goth outfits.

The next step of Zywen’s journey focuses on a character that I haven’t made a deck for yet...

La Nocturna, also pictured in Escarlata’s deck, is one of Escarlata’s greatest nemeses. She’s a vampire, but with even greater powers than normal. La Nocturna had the ability to summon hands made out of solid shadow.

La Nocturna was considered to be a hero, a member of the New Granwall Guardians just like Escarlata. However, La Nocturna didn’t just arrest criminals - she massacred them. In her eyes, the rest of the Guardians were too soft to do what needed to be done to prevent further crime. (Though even that was a justification - really, La Nocturna just wanted to drink human blood and used her hero work as an excuse.)

Escarlata and La Nocturna fought some pretty brutal battles, but it was Zywen who ended the feud once and for all. Zywen knew that the source of La Nocturna’s power was the Shadow Veil. After a particularly rough fight that left Escarlata in bad shape, Zywen used her skills of deception and knowledge of vampire lore to ambush La Nocturna and take the Shadow Veil for herself.

However, when Zywen first put on the Shadow Veil, La Nocturna dissolved into dust. The dark magic that fueled all vampire powers left La Nocturna and was absorbed into the veil, killing her. Whether Zywen knew this would happen or not is intentionally ambiguous...

Now, Zywen had the same shadow powers as La Nocturna, and in rare circumstances, used them to fight criminals. But she still didn’t consider herself a hero, wrought with guilt over killing La Nocturna. Furthermore, the Shadow Veil was full of evil magic, and it had a tight grip on Zywen’s mental state.

This is where the core of the deck’s mechanic comes in. The Shadow Veil is evil. Using it hurts Zywen, but you also get benefits from taking on those risks. When you play the game, you’re moving HP tokens around, but you’re also deciding how far Zywen’s willing to tap into her dark powers.

(Side-note: Soulsearching shows off another quirk my setting’s vampires share with some other vampire mythos - no reflections!)

Finally, as villainy in New Granwall City became worse and the New Granwall Guardians began to need more members, Zywen decided to move forward. Maybe she didn’t fully forgive herself for what she’d done, but however she got her powers, it was worth doing some good with them.

Zywen briefly joined the New Granwall Guardians with an exact replica of La Nocturna’s outfit, taking over her identity. This was really confusing for me as a writer and I couldn’t expect anyone to figure out how this “second La Nocturna” thing worked by looking at a deck of 16 unique cards. So I skipped over this part of the story and moved on to the introduction of Silhouette.

Zywen decided that the Shadow Veil as it had been known before was La Nocturna’s symbol - a symbol of fear and evil. In her studies into vampire lore and magic, she found a way to change the veil’s appearance. 

Transmute the Veil is a huge moment in Zywen’s story. Zywen is a character who very rarely has control. She starts out controlled by her parents. Then when she gets the Shadow Veil, she’s fighting for control over it.

Now, she’s the one calling the shots. And I wanted to represent that by making sure that Transmute the Veil offers a choice. “Reveal cards from the top of your deck until you find two semi-specific cards, choose one and keep it” is not a rare effect in Sentinels. But Transmute the Veil does something that no other card does - it makes sure the two cards are distinct. Every time you play Transmute the Veil, you will have a choice.

With the Shadow Veil in a new form, Zywen created a new costume and became Silhouette. From here, the rest of the deck generally just shows Silhouette on various adventures. She works alongside Escarlata in Brutal Ambush, and a couple cameo heroes in Drown In Darkness:

Alius, on Silhouette’s left is an upcoming hero created by Mistilitain. Charlie, on her right, is a shapeshifting detective created by Bobbertoriley. Bobbertoriley also created the environments depicted on both these cards. Brutal Ambush shows a casino run by and named after Jericho Moondancer (the non-demon). Drown In Darkness takes place in the spooky woods of Birchwood, Mass. The hedgehog gremlins being drowned are cryptids you can fight there!

Notably, both of these cards carry the “Infernal self-damage” cost. The Shadow Veil’s evil influence is still around - using shadowy powers or being too brutal still makes Silhouette deal herself damage.

The struggle between Silhouette’s good nature and her evil powers is a recurring theme.

This brings us to everybody’s favourite card of the deck. I love it because it, along with Brutal Ambush, are some of the best pieces of art I’ve ever drawn. Players love it because it’s one of Silhouette’s strongest cards and sets up a fun challenge where players earlier in turn order want to leave lots of enemies alive with juuuust enough HP for Silhouette to jump in and drink their blood.

So what’s going on here in terms of story? Well, most vampires in New Granwall City believe in living peacefully with humans. Zywen does too. But one coven master, Lazarus Vane, thinks differently. Lazarus wants vampires to return to their baser instincts and has the magical ability to make it happen. Casting a spell on the very moon, Lazarus made all the vampires in the city go berserk. Once again, poor ol’ Zywen just can’t stay in control of herself.

(By the way, the character getting his blood sucked is The Shining Knight, a minor villain who also shows up in Escarlata’s deck.)

Spooky.

Well, only a few more cards to go. Let’s get this done.

Silhouette becomes more adept with the Shadow Veil than La Nocturna ever was. La Nocturna could only create shadow hands. Silhouette eventually learns how to create an iron maiden. 

Screaming Shadows represents her pulling a victim into a sort of shadowy realm full of distorted faces that scream at them. The faces also scream at Silhouette. Fun times.

The one getting screamed at is Unmute - a villain by @insomn14​ . We were working on these decks concurrently, and are both fans of each other’s work. So I have Unmute as a cameo here, and Silhouette shows up on one of Unmute’s cards.

The guest character in Black Iron Maiden is The Faithful, created by zerami.

Vampire’s Tome is the spellbook that taught Zywen how to morph the Shadow Veil, but it taught her a lot more than that! 

Spirit Siphon is a technique that only a few vampires can perform - drinking someone’s very essence instead of their blood. It could theoretically leave her target an empty husk, but that wouldn’t be very heroic. Silhouette’s version of the spell typically leaves her victim too tired to continue the fight while also restoring her stamina.

Spirit Siphon has another guest hero on it - Radiance, also created by @insomn14 . Radiance is one of my favourite heroes in the game, homebrew and otherwise. insomn and I also got a kick out of how Radiance and Silhouette have some mechanical similarities while being as opposite characters as possible. Radiance is a cheerful ray of sunshine that motivates her allies.

Because of all that, I knew I wanted to give Radiance a key role in Silhouette’s deck. Spirit Siphon is Silhouette’s only card that appears in the deck at 4 copies. You’re probably going to draw one every game, so you’re probably going to see Radiance.

And that is every card in Silhouette’s deck, and why it’s there. Thanks for indulging me! Here’s a close-up of Brutal Ambush, my favourite art in the deck alongside Bloodlust.

See you next time when I turn everybody into 1920s cartoons.

[samantha-and-her-chaotic-desires]

Not sure if youre still doing this, but if you are

🖊 + Either James or Silas? I'd love to hear more about them!

HELL YEAH BABYYYYYYYYY THIS is gonna get long REALY quick. I want to talk about my murderous baby boy Silas, since I need to flesh James out more. I hope that's okay!

(TW: mentions for abuse, poison and murder)

Sweet like Sugar, Deadly like Poison: France's Adored Actor - Silas Tueuse:

FIRST IDEAS:

Baby!!!! Baby boy!!! He was actually the first design/idea I created before Mandisa, Raquelle, James, Lacrimosa and Celeste. He was also my first time trying to draw with the Lackadaisy character references! (i.e. the blue circles/heads, the sketching style, etc.)

He was a character that I just knew wasn't going to be a good guy. He just had the vibes of "antagonist" written all over him. Though he didn't always start out this way

His last name was originally going to be Mallory, meaning "unfortunate" in French. However, I switched it over to Tueuse, the meaning of quite literally "slayer" or "killer".

He was based off of a Savannah Cat breed! I didn't know which cat to do at first, but once I settled on it, I immediately had an idea and color palette in mind. Below is an example of the cat I referenced.

^this was the main design I used, but I wanted to keep it simplified.

Silas was purposely made to look feminine! He is not trans, but he is homoromantic demisexual! While his killing techniques include flirting and seducing, it is NOT out of pure love. It is only a manipulation tactic before he slips poison into someone's food or drink.

His voice claim, especially with THAT hair, is Daveed Diggs. He just RADIATES Thomas Jefferson/Lafayette-Hamilton vibes (since they're the same person lmaooo)

I also wanted a bit of a counterpart from the Savoy Siblings, I guess! That's why I made Silas and Raquelle :)

FACTS/HEADCANONS:

He is Raquelle Tueuse's older brother, and he takes after his father more than his mother. He speaks more English than French, but he is fluent in both.

He always had a passion for acting! He just knew it was his calling.

His father actually encouraged his passion for acting, and even gave him a few Shakespeare books, as well as other classic literature.

He is double jointed....self projecting here lmao-

He is travelling from France to all across America in search for "business", with his sister by his side. In reality, he's just going off, killing any target Lacrimosa gives him when in Hotel Maribel. (Mirabel Hotel?? HELP???)

When his father died, so did a piece of him, his sister and mother. His mother became rather abusive, and a belligerent drunk.

His first kill was unfortunately his mother one night, when she was hitting Silas and Raquelle, ultimately hurting them. When Silas killed his mother, it was fourteen years ago, when he was fifteen.

He is very protective of his sister, and very understanding to her mental struggles. He tries his best to be present.

His comfort food is Cassoulet! It's a French stew that includes Haricot beans with meat: you can use pork, sausages, goose, duck, lamb or mutton for the meat portion!

He would happily kill for his sister, and die for her too. That's just a given.

He collects daggers, classic literature, and also eyeliner.

ROLES/PURPOSE/OTHER STUFF:

He is the left hand man for Lacrimosa, and often works with Mandisa too.

He's the supporting antagonist, though I do see him more as an anti-hero.

Once he's in the right group of people, he is that ball of energy, yet at the same time he's such a sweetheart deep down...if it weren't counting on his multiple murders. While he's a sweetheart, this does NOT condone his behavior. He is still technically a bad person since he murdered a lot of people.

Cyanide is his poison of choice: quick, effective, deadly. He would then use any weapon (knife, gun, pool stick, any potentially dangerous object in the room) and kill his target.

If it were 2023, his song would be UH OH! by Sub Urban and BENEE.

^my entire thought process when Silas

buuuuut yeah!!! This is my boy Silas Tueuse, whom I love, and is near and dear to my heart. He deserves a good mother figure in his life :<

[beccawasautocorrected]

DSMP LORE: THIS IS IT.

Context: Jack Manibald did a lore stream. He found PROJECT: EARLY DAWN and rewired the system so that the nuke launches to Tommy's house. Yikesaroonie. Anyone up for a Jack Manifold villain arc?

Green b♡tch is still nonexistent, let's keep it that way <3

DISCLAIMER!!: The streams will switch. I will use a marker to signal when the streams swap. I also ranted a lot at the end if you wanna read that

♤-quotes

☆-important

♡-swear word coverups

◇-stream swap to Tubbo_

TUBBO'S STREAM- HES PLAYING FALLEN KINGDOM BY CAPTAINSPARKLEZ

-He's doing a recap of the lore from the past 2 streams.

Tubbos playing Mice on Venus, saying that today's the day. And today is the day.◇

He's reassuring himself, but then he's had a change of thought. None of this is okay◇

Tubbo is reliving memory lane, going to his first house, walking on the prime path, saying its a familiar feeling, and yet so different.◇

Tubbo is saying this is all his own and Tommy's fault.◇

TOMMY'S STREAM: Idk the song, but it keeps saying it's all over. It is.

Tommy's wearing his classic red and white shirt.

We've already started with the bloopers. Tubbo didn't join call and Tommy keeps shouting at him LOL

They're going on one last walk on the prime path. They're talking about the spot jschlatt was banned on. I remember that. The duel with "him", they're in the dr♡g van and remembering the first streams on the SMP in the museum.

TOMMY REALLY TOLD TUBBO TO GRIEVE HIS DEATH FOR A WHOLE YEAR LMAO

Tommy slapped Tubbo in the face

"Today isn't gonna be the happiest day." -Tommy♤

"I don't want it to be me to end your life!" -Tubbo♤

Tubbo says it's the butterfly effect. It all goes back to pressing a button☆

Tommy says he doesn't need Armour because it doesn't matter what happens

TUBBOS GONNA PRESS THAT BUTTON, THOUGH HE THINKS ITS A LEVER, SO HES GONNA FLICK THAT LEVER

Tommy thought of the stasis chamber, but it wouldn't work because he'd be dead before the pearl would even activate.

AWH, TOMMY BROUGHT UP WILBY

They're at the bench and they can't listen to music. Tommy hit Tubbo again because he thought he was crying

Tommy's Webcam broke LOL

Tommy had left a book for Tubbo to read once he knew the antagonists are dead. He gave Tubbo the picture of the OG Lmanburg citizens

"There IS no other way." -Tommy♤

Tommy got the picture back.

Tommy let Tubbo take the jukebox AND the bench and.. "When the world is falling, you sit on that bench." -Tommy♤

MF, THEY DID A FISTBUMP.

And Tommy's off. Off to his impending doom.

He's playing Sweden.

Tubbos playing Wet Hands on his stream too on his streamas he makes his way to Snowchester, unaware of what Jack did◇

Tommy is in the prison trying to find the antagonists. He just did.

HE DID A SICK SLIME BLOCK CLUTCH AND CRIT PUNZ OMG

TOMMY JUST SAID TUBBO DIED TO LURE THEM OUT. HELPPPP

Tubbo is talking to Jack right now◇

"He" just gave Tommy golden apples omg "he's" taunting him

The two are sparring at the moment

Jack finds out that the nuke was supposed to kill Tommy. Tubbo told Jsck about the lab rats and the endless suffering. Jack keeps trying to get Tubbo to press the button.◇

Tommy asked "him" why "he" took the discs.

HE JUST ASKED "HIM" WHAT THE SERVER MEANS. OH WOW

"He" just said Tommy's having doubts and said "he'd" go more in depth if he'd join the antagonists

WHY WON'T TUBBO PRESS THE BUTTON-◇

He pressed it. He pressed the button. The location was changed back.◇

TOMMY'S CAMERA BROKE AGAIN LMAO

Kai just gifted 50 subs omg- ANYWAY.

There's a loud alarm going on. Tubbo said if Jack messed with the Redstone, he'd personally kill him

Tubbo is hesitating. It WAS a lever.◇

"Moving your arms is okay" -Jack Manifold◇

TUBBO NOTICED THE FAULTY REDSTONE BUT THOUGHT A FUSE WAS BLOWN- HHHELP◇

Tommy took off all of his Armour. HE APOLOGIZED TO "HIM" HHHELP

He said maybe life would be better if he never joined the server. Oh my goodness.

"HE" KILLED TOMMY. OH MY GOD. WHAT THE ACTUAL SHIT☆

Omg Tommy is literally looking at life from "his" perspective, it was literally life before he joined the server. The beginning of the server.

Tubbo still can't pull the lever. He doesn't know Tommy's dead.◇

"He" was happy"- Tommy♤

"Please bring me back. I don't wanna be alone." -Tommy♤

OH-

OH MY GOD????

DID HE GET REVIVED???????

ALREADY????

THE NUKE LAUNCHED AS SOON AS TOMMY WAS REVIVED-◇

And it's going to Tommy's base.

Oh my god.

Tommy is explaining his limbo to "him".

"You weren't evil. You didn't have the heart to do the things you do now." -Tommy♤

OH GOD TUBBO IS RUNNING. TUBBO AND JACK ARE RUNNING TO THE PRISON◇

Punz is just vibin rn.

Tommy is saying he understands "him" He isn't joining "him", but he understands.☆

"You just want friends. I do too, man. I get that" -Tommy♤

JACK AND TUBBO PERFORMING A PRISON BREAK AAAAAA◇

Damn "he" just needed therapy fr

Tommy told "him" to take "his" helmet off. "He's" wearing Technoblade's crown o7

THE ALARMS GOING OFF FOR THE NUKE- HOLY SHSHHSHSHH

ITS GETTING LOUDER- HELPPPP

IT BLEW UP?!?!?♡☆♤☆♡☆♤♤☆

Tubbo and Jack didn't make it in time.◇

Its a white screen with high pitched ringing.

TOMMY'S MINING WOOD NOW. HE'S- I SH♡T YOU NOT, MANS IS MINING WOOD.

Omg the entire server restart.

The entire server reset.

No one remembers who anyone is.

"He" asked Tommy if he wanted to be friends.

THAT'S IT. THE END OF VOLUME 1.

I was here for volume 1 and will stay for volume 2 ❤️

Hopefully things will get better. Both in the lore and in real life. You know what I'm talking about.

AWW TOMMY AND TUBBO WERE ACTUALLY CRYING BECAUSE THEY KNEW IT WAS THE LAST TIME THEY'D BE IN THAT WORLD, M8 MY HEART.

What a wild ride this has been.

This means so much to me. Despite the actions of certain people, this server, this series means so much to me and so many other people. The storyline, the characters, the builds, the lore, the effort everyone put in to write their own story and share it with the world. Oh my gOD dude. Mad respect. Serious respect. Well, to SOME people.

[redxblueihateloveyou]

not only she's a 2nd lead, but bithc is fuking dead. who ship them?

lol don't be mean, well, idk ppl have different tastes. I honestly try not to judge too much, bc even tho our ship is canon and got their happy ending, it's still twisted af you know lmao

But what I do NOT like is when people don't see the clear creator's narrative, that's what I'm talking about. bc for example when I ship smth that's uncanon or even some bromance when there's a romance too, I still see clearly who is the main couple, whether I like it or not. I mean, I'm not gonna sit in denial.

So dead or not (even if she stayed alive) the plot structure would've stayed the same. The whole point was that Gaon couldn't be himself with her, and she couldn't except the real him. Well, and about how everything is not black and white and how you shouldn't be a hypocrite.

I just do not get when it comes to BL ships especially why ppl suddenly lose the ability to catch the basic plot structure. I mean, when you watch classic romcoms or smth no one wants Sandra Bullock's character to end up with the guy in a coma instead of his brother, right? Have anyone seen "Enchanted" and rooted for her to stay with prince charming? Or again "Light on Me" if you wanna talk BL, have anyone shipped the main lead with a president? It doesn't always have to be some completely bad 2nd character on the other side, just a classic situation often used when the main character realizes at the end that he originally picked a wrong one. Or realized that it wasn't love. Or that they could only be themselves with another one. Most times it turns out that the right one is the one who pissed them off from the very beginning haha

Like it's a VERY very classical romantic storyline that is hard not to get. YET here some ppl are. Not getting it. Bc they switched genders. Like it's just very weird to me that creators had to explain such basic stuff.

And I mean I constantly see ppl saying stuff like "you have a BL in your eye". I personally don't. I can split very well my ships into bromances and gay romances truly no matter how hard I ship some bromances. I DO tho think that some ppl have hetero in their eye. I mean it's seriosuly like "Free!" situation. Kyaoni have several shows with hetero couples who share SAME romantic scenes, same posters, same everything as rinharu, bc its their signature romantic moves, for ppl one is canon, the other isn't… bc they're both boys.

I do not get why some while watching bl stuff suddenly lose their usual braincells. Or does it nowdays apply to everything? Bc I do not get how can you not get such simple plots. Like just cause its bxb and not gxb doesn't cancel basic human things. We can all be dumb in love, we can all be confused about love, we can all be scared when it comes to love. Rules of love don't apply to one gender. It's just general romantic tropes, not heteroromantic tropes.

So even if she wouldn't die, Gaon wouldn't stay with her. He already while leaving Yohan's house and telling him all that nasty and how "she's his everything" and watching him cry, knew that he was lying to himself, he knew that something was off, he just couldn't admit to himself why it felt so wrong. But it was just easier to take that road, than deal with the fact that someone not only accepted him for he was but also made him feel so many things. So either way it would've ended the same way.

So like that's why I didn't bring up that argument even until the very end, and usually don't bring it up at all when it comes to such arguments, bc I really truly don't see how it even matters, if she died or not. It doesn't change the whole point in the plot about her NOT being the one for him. Whether someone likes it or not.

Do I think ppl can ship whatever? Yes. Ship ppl with fucking ghosts if you wanna for real, Idc. I personally hate dead ppl in ships, I want my ships alive and happy, but to each their own. Just don't be in denial of the narration. You can say you didn't like how it ended/went bc you shipped smth else, but being like "it was like this, not like creators created" in all seriousness and being blind is already another thing.

[themosleyreview]

The Mosley Review: Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire

When it comes to Kaiju films, why do we all rush out to the theater? Is it to witness the destruction, mayhem and epic fights on the biggest screen possible with the best sound? Is it the environmental message they sometimes hold in the seams of its story? Is it the lore or is it the interpersonal story of the returning characters of the franchise as new loveable ones get introduced? Am I really serious about the human story question? We run to see the titans we love fight other monsters and save the world. Nobody really cares for the human story even if it is somewhat sweet and adds a level of relatability. At least these films from the beginning knew what they are and don't overstep their bounds. This franchise started off about the humans and wisely switched focused to the titans and their enemies. That is the promise that is fulfilled in every frame of this film with the characters delivering the exposition to keep the viewers on track of what's going and how it all makes sense.

Rebecca Hall returns as Dr. Ilene Andrews and she delivers a serviceable performance. She is just about the same as she was in the past film, but this time she was more about the adventure than just the science. Kaylee Hottle also returns as Jia and she continues to have the most heartfelt scenes with Kong. As her Dr. Andrews' adopted daughter, there was a genuine chemistry between them and it was the heartwarming if not cheesy. Bryan Tyree Henry returns as the loveable extremist and podcaster, Bernie Hayes. He hasn't skipped a beat with the amount of manic energy and comedic timing in every scene he's in. Dan Stevens was a fun and delightful addition to the troupe as Trapper. He was a full on hippy dentist that's just there for the adventure and flirtatious energy between and him and Dr. Andrews. Alex Ferns was cool the standard military dude Mikael, but he still has a fun and strong presence. Now the real stars of the film take center stage and I loved every second of their scenes. Kong was truly a badass and I loved that we get to see him be a shade of that classic 80's action hero that’s a smart, no nonsense leader and is for defending other apes like him. There is a smaller red ape that Kong meets and I had a huge fear that this kid was there just to sale toys, but he has his purpose and ultimately becomes useful. Godzilla was a destructive force that was truly on a mission this time around. It seemed everytime you saw him on screen, he was throwing down with another titan or just getting annoyed by the humans attacking him when he's simply preparing for an upcoming battle. I loved it anyway and liked that his new resting place. When Kong and Godzilla meet again, it was hilarious, fun and awesome once they actually team up. The new villain of the franchise, the Skar King, was sort of weak, but formidable.

The score by Tom Holkenborg and Antonio Di Iorio was good and bombastic and as epic as you'd want it to be. I really loved the mixture of 80’s synth and how it gave it that somewhat fantasy feel. The last 30 minutes of the film is where it adds to the chaos happening. Like I said before, you came to see our favorite titans take on a new villain while destroying everything in their path. While yes there are humans in the story, they were just there to keep us on track with the plot so we don't get bored. This film delivered on that promise and I was thoroughly entertained and you will be too. It may not be the best film of the year, but it was a massive and action one for sure. Let me know what you thought of the film or my review in the comments below. Thanks for reading!

[undercoverpan]

The red means I love you

Jake Sully liked to think of himself as a loving father.

He wasn't the overprotective, helicopter parent that his own father was before he died.

Jake didn't like talking about him. He knew the man loved him and his brother, he'd given up too much for it all to be an elaborate act. He'd been born in an active warzone, where nothing thrived. When his mother died, they were too young to remember, so he truly didn't know. All he knew was that his father trekked thousands of miles to the safest place he could get. They lived as nomads for a while, eating off paper plates and never having a certain place to sleep, but to Jake, those years were the best.

It sure beat being locked in the house, when they finally got one. They lived in a complex, privately owned by the factory his father worked at. He never said what he did at work, they just knew he came home late, exhausted beyond measure, with burnt hands and stiff shoulders. Still, he always smiled and ruffled their hair and kissed their foreheads.

It was simple back when he was a kid. Oh, he can't go out to play with the other kids? Just play inside with his brother! Oh, Jake had to switch to homeschooling? Just fine!

As he got older, he couldn't remain ignorant to the horrors that laid outside their cramped little apartment. He knew what happened to the other kids, knew that their father had shut them inside and bolted the windows and put 3 locks on the front door because he wanted to keep them safe. But his brother, younger by mere minutes, was eager to run away and never return. Had always said that their dad was overprotective and possessive, and sometimes, Jake agreed. Jake was allowed very few friends, most of his free time spent in a locked room. The windows couldn't open, and they were blacked out. 

He recalled one moment in his life that complicated things. His father and brother, screaming at each other about privacy and freedom when, all of a sudden, his father slapped Tommy across the face. The force sent him back a bit, and Jake had frozen. A beat of silence passed through the house, before he rushed to his brother, standing between him and his father. What happened next was a blur, but all he remembers was this: He had to protect Tommy from everything, including their father.

Then, somehow, Tommy left their little haven. Had gone off to college, rarely heard from again. Jake saw how it had broken his heart, but he was happy that Tom had finally gotten that freedom he was chasing.

Then he died, and the rest is history.

____

Jake truly didn't know when it started. 

He wasn't like this with his kids, he could assure you. He–, well, he was the normal amount of overprotective when it came to his sons and daughters. Lecturing them about safety, making sure they were in bed every night, all that classic dad stuff. He got a little worse when they had to leave for the reefs, but he wasn't unbearable.

At least, he didn't think so. Neytiri hadn't thought so, and that was all that matters.

_____

The day he laid his wife and children to rest crept upon him silently. They'd passed away in battle, fighting to protect their new home. Jake considered tying a boulder to himself and jumping into the ocean, if only to join them. To hold them and swear, swear that he'd never let anything hurt them ever again. But he knew how his Neytiri would react if he turned up dead only days after her and the kids. He was Toruk Makto. He should trust Eywa to claim him when the time is right. Every night he begged her to move up her schedule, just a bit.

He thinks that it was after the ceremony that he was unbearable. He was stuck as Jake, Toruk Makto, because Jake the Father had failed. Failed in every way conceivable. But Toruk Makto would never make those kinds of mistakes.

So Spider didn't have a father after his adoption, but he had someone who would keep him safe. Who would not fail him, ever. No matter what he had to do, or who he had to hurt, he'd keep the remaining morsel of his family safe.

____

Spider found that he was not allowed to roam around the Metkayina village alone. Jake told him it was because of how distrustful they were of humans, that he wasn't sure that they wouldn't attack him on sight. Spider believed him, because of course he did, and stayed inside the marui. It was on the edge of the village, overlooking the ocean. The breeze had felt so nice on his skin, sometimes he couldn't help but lean outside, just a little bit.

The boy wasn't quite himself anymore, that much was obvious. He was pliable and quiet in a way he never was before. In a way Jake was thankful. His obedience made it easier to protect him, but it still worried him. The scars that lined his body like the stripes of the Omaticaya, they told a violent story. But Jake rubbed paste and did whatever he recalled Neytiri doing for his injuries and hoped they'd fade. He painted blue stripes over them frequently, sometimes just to pretend the scars didn't exist and that he never got taken and that they were still in the forest, safe.

He could kiss his brow, and trail his fingers over the scars. He pinned and braided his hair 

Just for a few moments, they'd be safe.

____

All good things must come to an end. That is one of the sayings taught to human children.

It's the saying that popped into Jake's head when he caught Spider constantly looking outside. He'd been bouncing his leg as he sat on the floor by Jake's feet, braiding a piece of jewellery. It was a simple anklet, with small red beads knotted tightly into place. It was a bit too big for Jake, and much too large for Spider. The father narrowed his eyes, but said nothing. Instead, he silently formulated a plan.

_____

Jake had to leave during the day, to help hunt and repair. Always at a specific time. He knew Spider had picked up on it, which is why, when he bid his goodbye and pressed a lingering kiss to his temple as always, he waited not too far outside his marui. After some time had passed, he saw Spider exit their home. He clenched his teeth, not surprised at the rage that entered his system. Spider knew he was forbidden from the outside, and yet–,

He followed his son to the reefs. The boy stuck close to the natural foliage, avoiding the population. Eventually they made it to an almost empty side of the shore, with jagged rocks and hot sand. It was here that Jake felt his rage and possessiveness boil over. He watched as Spider ran to Tonowari of all people. The larger man bent down, with his arms spread, as Spider leapt towards him. The man caught him, offering a gentle smile. Spider offered the anklet to him, shyly.

He watched with white hot rage as Tonowari accepted, placing a soft kiss on the same place Jake did moments before.

He felt sick. How dare….HOW DARE HE? 

Sneaking out to see someone else? What? Was Jake not good enough? Didn't he provide everything he needed? Didn't he keep him safe? He kept him happy and safe and fed and warm. He did all that, yet here Spider was, smiling and giving gifts. 

____

Jake had a course of action by the time Spider started coming back. He'd left home, too sickened by the sight to stay any longer. He had come to a decision, one that would improve his behaviour, hopefully.

He realised he's been too lenient with Spider. The boy had just returned from being kidnapped, tortured and held captive for months. He just lost his family. What he needed was structure, and Jake tended to provide a goddamn good one. He was sitting in their Marui by the time Spider returned, posture stiff and rigid. He could tell Spider was surprised to see him.

"J--Si--Dad!" He stuttered, flinching at his cold gaze. "You're back early! Hunting went okay this time?" He asked nervously, leaning against the post of the doorway. His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed, drumming his fingers against his skin. "Dad? Everything okay?" He shifted again, moving backwards. Jake moved his hand slightly, tilting his head, and the boy stopped. He looks like a frightened creature from his first hunt, eyes wild and twitching, like it wants to run. He can hear Spider's heart jackrabbiting in his chest. Good.

Jake remained silent. He wonders what he must look like, to provoke such fear into the child. Suddenly, with a screech of the chair, he stood up. The boy was startled so badly, he knocked into the post. He barely had time to react before Jake grabbed him by his upper arm, dragging him towards the shore. The boy asked endless questions while they walked, like, "Where are we going?" and, "Are you mad at me?"

They came to the skimwing quickly, Jake hopping on and pulling Spider with him. He could feel the boy quivering beneath him, could feel the quick beating of his heart against his chest. The boy's fear was so thick, he could practically smell it. He was as stiff as a board in his hold, breathing quickly and glancing at him. They travelled for at least an hour, approaching a flat stone. 

They slowed to a stop, Jake all but dragging Spider now. He threw him to the ground, the boy wincing so badly, he hardly noticed Jake picking up a rock in his hand. "So what's up with Tonowari, hm?" He asked, his gaze sharper than any blade made by the Na'vi. Spider sputtered, looking away. "Um–, I--I–, I went outside and–" he gulped, "I tried not to let anyone see me, but he saw me, so he," He met his gaze, "He started following me. He said he wouldn't hu--hurt me if I just answered some questions," he babbled on.

"So he was threatening you, is that it?" Jake cut in, his voice harsh, "Didn't look like he was threatening you." He accused, taking a threatening step towards the boy. He shuffled backwards, "W-wait! He was–, he never hurt me, and I thought he was really nice, and you told me everyone wanted to kill me, so I just wanted to spend time with him, yknow?" Nervous, nervous, scared. 

Jake stilled and, "Are you calling me a liar?" And Spider knew he messed up. "No! No, no, no," Jake was on him in a second. "No, you're saying I've been lying to you. You're saying I'm a bad provider. You're really hurting me, you know that?" He continued, ignoring the others cries, "Lo'ak would never do this. Neteyam, Kiri, Tuk, they'd never do such things. You know why? Because they'd be punished." He hissed, and Spider cried louder.

"You deserve to be punished, don't you?" When Spider didn't respond, he gripped his hair and pulled back. "Don't you?" Spider cried as he nodded, desperate to get this over with, desperate to right his wrongs, to appease his father. Without any indication, Jake raised the stone and brought it down hard onto the boy's leg. He screamed out as blood gushed from his leg, tears pooling in the mask.

Jake struck him many times, barely registering the crack of his bones or the blood coating them like a thick layer of snow. Spider screamed and cried and begged the entire time his father all but severed his leg, but he was still at the end, save for a few hiccups. "Pl--please dad, papa, please, stop." He begged, Jake sighed. "Did you learn your lesson, son?" He asked. Spider had probably realised that Jake wasn't interested in repeating himself. He nodded weakly, and flinched as Jake gently pulled him close. The shift  was so strange and sudden, it gave him whiplash. 

He cried into the other's chest as he pressed kisses to his forehead, praising him on how well he did, that he won't do this again if Spider behaves. The boy takes it in stride, because he can't do much else. He thinks he deserves this, that this was normal discipline. 

Somewhere in the haze of pain, there is a thick cloud of fear and a need to get away. He wants Quaritch. He wants Tonowari. He wants Kiri, Tuk, Lo'ak, Neteyam and Neytiri. He wants to be safe and he wants to go home. But his home is in the arms of a man covered in his blood. He closes his eyes and grits his teeth as his leg stung.

"We'll get you home, and I'll fix you up, okay?" He promised as he lifted the boy up, rock abandoned on the surface. "And remember, if you ever go to Tonowari, or anyone else ever again," he looked down at the boy who was slowly losing consciousness, "I'll cut your leg off."

The end

For now??

Ty for reading!! This got dark huh?? Anywho, have a nice night

[thehumanexperience8b]

March 26th, 2024: I Am In Control

Hello! I am so sorry I haven’t been able to write to you these past couple days, I just got busy. Actually, I’m lying! (For the sake of this entry!!) I didn’t write because I just didn’t. The reason for why may vary, but in reality, I had complete control over my actions. Taking a break of course is okay, but I take full responsibility for my actions. 

Taking responsibility for your actions can be scary, or it can be freeing! The universe will throw things in your way, but if you want it, you can have it! Don’t keep telling yourself “but the circumstances…” because the circumstances aren’t in control, you are! 

I’m going to talk about a classic psychology experiment in American history called the Stanley Milgram experiment. To summarize, the patient/volunteer in the study is asked politely by a figure of authority (perceived scientist in experiment) to inflict pain on an unseen actor. They were told they needed to flip the switch to give the actor an electric shock if they got an answer wrong. The experiment showed that most people will do as they were told even if they didn’t want to hurt the man anymore. Milgram has stated that 65% of the people in the study administered the heaviest voltage of 450 volts and were assumed to have killed the man behind the screen. The volunteers believed that the scientist would take responsibility for hurting this man, when really, all actions are on the person flipping the switch. Who is actually flipping that switch? Why do you listen to that man and not the man in pain? I do think there’s some problems with this, as they weren’t just doing it for fun, they were slightly pressured. But we can gather that the man would not be getting shocks if it wasn’t for the person delivering them. 

I’ve seen a lot of videos in which there might be someone saying something like, for example, “I want to lose weight, but I can’t because…” but yes, you can! No it won’t be easy, but humans are made for the dirty work! If you want something bad enough, you will find a way to get there. Be a dreamer, it’s not a bad thing. Just start reasonably and set your sights high. There’s a saying that goes, aim for the sky and you’ll reach the ceiling. Aim for the ceiling, you’ll stay on the floor. Similarly, aim for the moon, and if you miss, you’ll fall upon the stars. But I’m rambling about dreams now!

Another opinion that has risen in popularity online (but has died off a little now) is that if you have mental illness you have an excuse for your actions. It reminds me of the story I tell often where this person trying to get involved with my friend group, felt it was appropriate to hit me in the back of the head, because she has D.I.D and “it was just my alter.” I do not forgive that person. One of my old friends I don’t talk to much anymore still defends this by saying it wasn’t her in control. Yes she was! Who is the one with the arms to hit me? I understand why that is being said but it’s simply not an excuse. I think of a simple thought, “if it won’t hold up in court, you are liable!” Not that the American judicial system is the most accurate… As a person who lives with bipolar disorder, if I have an emotional outburst at someone, kicking and screaming because I was the one who forgot to take my medicine; I cannot blame it on mental illness. I am not insane, I was aware of the potential risks of not taking that medicine. 

I believe it makes your life easier to accept your actions as your own, and not only that, other people will find you easier to get along with because you accept when you’re wrong (or right). It’s not fun to blame someone else for something, we need honesty and self-respect. My philosophy teacher believes if we were kinder, and more true to ourselves, humans would act more honestly and kindly to others. Is it your brain causing you to conform so you will feel accepted? And is your soul telling you that you shouldn’t? Remember you are in control of your life! Think about your influences. You live your own life, and we only have proof of one!

[spiritelectric3]

My Journey Through Homestuck: Jailbreak

Hello and welcome! Here, I'll be taking a quick break from the actual Homestuck comic, and do a response through one of the original MS Paint Adventures, Jailbreak. I will do so with the knowledge that this was made in the original MS Paint Adventures system of user submitted suggestions for actions. After this is done, I will pick up where I left off in Homestuck

(I should also warn that this is WAAAAAAAY more okay with doing gross stuff with bodily fluids and parts than Homestuck, Acts 1-3. It is violent and disgusting. Plus, the ending I reached features s*****e. Read along at your discretion)

-It's fascinating to see how jokes that seemed to start here like the seemingly missing arms and the disappearing pumpkins ended up in Homestuck, even potentially being plot relevant.

-Tbh, this appears to be more like a traditional escape room than an actual prison

-Imagine sticking your head out a window and yelling "BELLOW!" as loud as you fucking can.

-I love how this is actively fucking with the audience by convincing them that there is exactly one keyhole outside of the cell, forcing them to trash it.

-Wow, I can't believe this just straight up ignored the audience's command.

-I think this demonstrates, on a comedic level, what really works about this format. The audience is, on a theoretical level, given power and agency over the narrative. However, in practice here, the work is explicitly setting up contrived circumstances that causes every decision the audience makes to fall through, sort of like a cruel GM, but it somehow feels clever here. One may even say that that is the true prison the audience is trapped in.

-See? Even a use of the word, "Dungeon Master"

-Tbh, this kind of brings me back to when I used to play AI Dungeon, a game that, for numerous reasons, I REALLY don't know how to feel about. What it reminds me of specifically was how this game, Like MSPA, posits itself as a theoretical solution to the classic problem of text based adventure games not allowing players to make their own choices. However, they both have the same fundamental problem, being that when players attempt to make their own choices, the game struggles to allow them to make that choice. With AI Dungeon, this was more often because the ai simply did not know what to do with bizarre commands. Here, I honestly think it's just Andrew Hussie fucking with people, which makes me laugh at the audience after suffering in AI Dungeon.

-It's weird that the comic switches perspectives. Homestuck does this as well, but it's almost weirder here, cause it was thematically appropriate in Homestuck. It's interesting how this format needs to set up characters as back doors to jump to in times of crisis.

-Imagine everything smells like pee

-betelgeuse betelgeuse betelgeuse

-This comic is so "fuck you"

-I am very curious about the notion of using pee to create glue

-Don't be rude to Latin American music!

-Wow. I can't believe this. This comic is really immature and gross. I mean, I was expecting it to be, but still.

-This is so contrived

-Okay. This is crazy, but what if every time Jade dies she becomes a pumpkin? No. That doesn't make sense. In Homestuck it's probably mass appearifying or something. Maybe she keeps turning into pumpkins then dying

-Blood is suddenly funny when it is colored black

-We HAVE A FUCKING POCKETKNIFE!?

-Why is Logorg?

-We're getting to a point in the comic where I'm just kinda pushing through.

-Interesting that the comic has made an executive choice for us... in the grossest way possible

-Oh, my goodness! A choice!

-(I chose climb intestine) I'm kinda liking guy 2 better. At the very least, he's selfless.

-Oh, so NOW I can wear a helmet

-This comic is so weird. Very 2000s grossout. And I thought Homestuck was bad (please PLEASE let me NOT regret saying this)

-Okay, so I am not watching a dub, mainly because I doubt such a dub exists. I am at the top of page 86 right now. THERE IS NO WAY HIS NECK ISN'T ABOUT TO SNAP

-Okay, so I was wrong

-WOAH! An Appearifier!

-He's not gonna go through the door

-Oh.

-p u m p k i n

-Why is this prison hell?

-OH NO! POOR WHALE!

-If all the buildings are prisons, this world does seem quite depressing.

-Actually, it also kinda reminds me a bit of the Soul Prison from Midnight Gospel.

-Ah fiddlesticks

-What the mask is doing, makes no sense, and it breaks my heart

-Wow. Betrayal

-That pumpkin hugeifier better show up in Homestuck

-Ok we are far beyond the prison at this point.

-One thing I'll say here is that alot of the nature of homestuck is based around what if a serious narrative also had contrived shit like this happen? Chaos ensues.

-Wow. Sad ending. VERY SAD ENDING IN FACT.

-Okay, so what did we actually learn here?

-The interactive concept of MS Paint Adventures pre-Homestuck is an interesting one. Here the attitude is incredibly comedic, albeit darkly comedic. However, this still begs the question of whether or not this format is potentially applicable in a serious context. We all dream of our own adventures like this one, but struggle to find anything outside of role play environments, which are still effective, but make solo adventures a struggle. There's a remaining desire to make individual choices within a larger world. There are two problems with this for the MS Paint Adventure format. Firstly, the collective atmosphere forces the writer to prioritize some submissions over others. Secondly, the promised safety of the players allows space for them to fuck around with little regard for consequences. This also keeps in mind the absurdity implied by the CYOA genre, or rather, how a lot of CYOA narratives, particularly the Choose Your Own Adventure books, can only feature so many endings by cutting out good writing and making similarly contrived narratives. To make it worse, early Homestuck is heavily based around time limits. One wonders then, if it is possible to make such a serious narrative using this format without giving up halfway.

Either way though, I'm fucking done with this. See y'all around for Act 3 intermission!.

[zachsgamejournal]

PLAYING: Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic

So I'm starting to enjoy myself more.

Yeah.

Did I mention the graphics and set design? It's actually kind of impressive. The "dungeons", which have usually been the interior of buildings, actually look pretty neat. It's not just flat walls with pixelated textures--there's a lot of detail and each one has looked different so far. I've made it to a Jedi Temple, and while still blocky, it looks really interesting and organic.

I guess I was expecting something closer to the PS2 games I've played. While there are some great looking PS2 games, many are...lacking. I'm not 100%, but it seemed like on PS1 there were more pixels per polygon, while PS2 had way more polygons but the ration wasn't as sharp. I don't really know what I'm talking about--but I'm impressed how good this game looks. It is the PC version...so...

WAIT. NO! It's the Android version.

Speaking of the dungeons, we get invited to this rich dude's mansion. One of his soldiers is working with us to steal rich guy's ship so we can get off the planet that's ruled by the Sith. Dramatic irony, the Sith are about the destroy the planet because...stakes. We end up attacking a Sith fortress and I'm intimidated. The game hasn't been "easy" because everything is based on chance and stats (ughhg). But it looks like I've level'd up pretty well and I was able to move through. Then we have to run around this guy's mansion that's heavily guarded, but it's easy work.

All the while, the game started to remind me of World of Warcraft, which I love. The combat is very pick a target and trade licks till someone dies. I kind of wish there were more moves like WoW. Just like 5 or so. In WoW you always have your opener, your DPS, your base attack, and your finishers. It makes the combat more than just pick a target and let it play out. At the same time, it makes the game a little relaxing. I can let the game play itself sometimes. The only issue is that character navigation can be clunky. My characters can't "pass through each other" so I can get stuck in a corner when my party members trap me, forcing me to switch characters to move out. And when there's combat in tight quarters, the melee characters can get stuck, unable to move into position.

Running around this facility felt very Star Wars. I almost hated to admit it. I don't know, shouldn't I enjoy a game I'm devoting hours to playing? But being in a small squad trying to break it just had that classic rebels against the world vibe that makes Star Wars films fun. But I need more computer spikes. Near the end I found an access card. Wish I had known about that.

As far as leveling up, for my main dude I'm trying to focus on persuade and...something else. Given how dialog heavy this game is, I want access to the good stuff! Many games, and I imagine this is one of them, having a high personality can get you easy access to things but rarely have you had time to develop it. Disappointing.

We saved a Jedi lady, and she's a jerk. I feel it has to be some developer misogyny but there is talk of her being very head strong. Sure.

The game is fulfilling my expectation of being story and mission driven. I like that. Sometimes the dialog choices aren't great. I was talking to a female Sith that had just killed her master. She was feeling ashamed and heartbroken. The secret, best answer the game was provided was to complicate her on her beauty. That's right, when women have recently committed murder and are struggling to figure themselves, tell them they're pretty. It fixes everything. In the same area, a woman says she misses her partner. The partner turns out to be a droid. The way the dialog is setup, the game seems to hint that this droid has relations with the woman. She's embarrassed and the dialog options seem to egg it on. Just seems like sexist dorks trying to make each other giggle.

I have a light saber now! I'm training to be a jedi. Part of the story is that you have to learn the ways of the Jedi, including their philosophies. Very dogmatic and pro-religious. As an atheist it was kind of icky. Got me looking up "atheist games". Didn't really find much. Atheist games being games that don't lean on magic and pseudo religion to tell their stories. Think the movie Sunshine, which the screenwriter said was supposed to be an atheist story. We're just stardust.

And then the game commits the ultimate sin. It praises the player character for being exception. "Oh I've never seen a Jedi learn this stuff so fast. Your power far exceeds anything I've seen. You're sooo coool." I'm guessing they're trying to make the player feel special, but it's so contrived. I mean, how can I be awesome and then keep getting my ass kicked in combat areas, huh? Check some ego friends.

Speaking of combat areas, the Jedi planet has some open plains for missions and fighting. It feels VERY World of Warcraft to me. I was also able to unlock a force healing ability. Very thankful for that! It heals people nearby too!

Alright. Well I'm having fun, and I look forward to progressing further.