#they were on sale so i forced myself to go to the store to buy ingredients for more mochi but uhm....

[umilily]

strawberrry milk post relevant again bc i accidentally came into possession of 1.5kg strawberries

[haggishlyhagging]

Women were also regularly employed in brewing, at least as much as men. Medieval peasants drank rather a lot of small (or low-alcohol) beer and ale. In the tenth-century Alfric's Colloguy, which records theoretical dialogues between a teacher and his students, one young man states, "I drink ale, usually, if I drink at all, and water if I have no ale. . . . I am not rich enough to be able to buy myself wine: Wine is not a drink for boys or fools but for old men and wise men." By the late medieval period, in brewing centers such as České Budejovice, from whence the name Budweiser comes, beer was being made on a large enough scale that it was being exported to Bavaria.

Medieval people desired to drink beer and ale not because water was unsafe, but because farmwork is extremely hard. Small beer and ale added additional calories to their daily uptake in an enjoyable way. Although the wealthy were probably able to procure professionally made and imported beers, most people, especially in the earlier medieval period, made their own ale or bought it from nearby producers. Ale was brewed primarily from barley and did not include the hops of beer, which meant it could not be stored for long before going off. As such, those who wanted ale had to be constantly brewing it to ensure a steady supply, making brewing a very common cottage industry. Women who brewed for their families would often brew excess for sale, allowing them to bring in a bit of money. Because brewing was a craft that could be learned at home, women could be employed as brewers in larger commercial breweries.

We find women in the brewing trade consistently: records show them paying taxes on their gains from brewing, and registering with the authorities who oversaw standards. When someone performed below these standards, they were frequently written up, so we can find the women who were not meeting them. The Durham Court Rolls from 1365 record that Agnes Postell and Alice de Belasis were fined twelve denarii for selling bad ale, about the equivalent of two days' work for a skilled craftsman. Similarly Alice de Belasis was separately fined two shillings, or the equivalent of five days wages, for poor-quality ale, which a court proved had no strength at all. Punishments for brewing bad ale could range from fines to ritualized humiliation. In England, the Domesday Book first recorded the use of the cucking stool (which would become the ducking stool in the early modern period) in Chester to punish those who sold bad ale or ale in incorrect measures. They would be forced to sit in a chair out side their home and be jeered at by locals. Fourteenth-century Scottish laws noted that any alewife who made "evil ale" was either fined "eight shillings" or placed in the cucking stool, a nod to women as the primary brewers in the region who could face the largely gendered humiliation as a result.

We also learn of women in the brewing profession through records of accidents. For example, one coroner's roll indicates that at around noon on October 2, 1270, Amice Belamy was carrying a tub full of gruit, an agent for flavoring ale, with Sibyl Bonchevaler at her work in Lady Juliana de Beauchamp's brewhouse in Staple, Eaton Socon. As they went to dump the gruit into the boiling vat of beer, Amice slipped and fell into it and was trapped by the tub that fell on top of her. "Sibyl immediately jumped towards her, dragged her from the vat and shouted; the household came and found her scalded almost to death. She was given the last rites of the church and died on the day following. This harrowing story reminds us what a physically tasking and dangerous job brewing, especially in large quantities, could be.

This episode is also interesting because the two women were working for another woman, and a lady at that, Juliana de Beauchamp. Brewing was commonly associated with women across class lines, since the brewhouse is listed as belonging to the Lady Juliana. All in all, during these years a woman was just as likely to be brewing ale as a man, if not more likely in some instances.

-Eleanor Janega, The Once and Future Sex: Going Medieval on Women’s Roles in Society

[wooahaes]

a love that burns brightly

pairing: non-idol!s.coups x gn!reader

genre: fluff. domestic fic. established relationship.

word count: 1.0k~

warnings: reader has a side business selling candles. mentions of hot wax (being melted).

daisy's notes: me as i restrain myself from writing husband!cheol again bc i feel like im too predictable-

If there was one thing you could say about your boyfriend, it was that he probably advertised your side business more than you did. 

Candle-making had started as something you did kind-of for fun. Sure, you sold your candles from the very beginning, but it was more-so because you needed some way of recouping the money you sunk into it. And, sure, it was only a side business that took up… a lot more time than you liked admitting. But that was what your days off were for: dedicating as much time as you needed to make your candles and restock the online store. This time of year was always your busiest for a reason (Holiday scents! Sales! Clear your inventory so you can start fresh in the new year!), and that meant Seungcheol stayed over at your apartment a lot more… especially when he came in with a list.

He’d been reading it off to you as you moved about your kitchen (your center of operations, so to speak), “Jeonghan said he loved the cinnamon candle you gave him. Joshua liked the pine one, and I thought we could maybe throw in an extra? I’ll pay for it. And Jun…”

All of this was what he’d pulled together over the past week. You’d told Seungcheol that if he wanted to sell to his coworkers that it’d be fine (considering how often he bragged about your work), but yesterday was the deadline for any orders. Of course… You didn’t expect him to manage to get every single person he was close to to buy at least one. Even that Vernon guy, who apparently bought three—two for his parents and one for his own girlfriend(slash-his-own-apartment since they lived together).

You looked up from the double boiler you were using to melt wax. “Cheollie?”

He stopped mid sentence, right about to tell you what he’d convinced Jihoon to order, “Yes?”

“Why don’t you live here?” The two of you had been together for almost two years at this point—although you’d known him for longer.

He made his way over to you, setting the list down closer. “Don’t you remember?” He leaned against your fridge. “You said you didn’t want to live with anyone for a while.”

Your brows drew together. When did you…? And then it clicked. Back when you first met Seungcheol (through Joshua—he went to the same gym as you, and one music-based conversation was enough to make the two of you friends), he’d said something about his own roommate at the time. You’d admitted that that was the exact reason why you weren’t going to live with anyone for a while. You made enough to support yourself: why not enjoy the solitude?

(“Even if you’re dating someone?” Joshua had said, nudging you as he kept stealing glances at Seungcheol.

“I mean, maybe eventually, but the right person isn’t going to force themselves in unless it’s an emergency,” you had shrugged in response. “I don’t mind sharing my space if I need to, but… I like living alone right now.”)

“I mean… Yeah… But…” You avoided his gaze, stirring the mixture with your silicone spatula to try and help it melt more evenly. “I just thought we’d talk about it at some point.”

He crossed his arms. “Honey?” 

“Hm?”

“Is this your way of asking me to move in?” 

One glance at Seungcheol was enough to tell you he was thoroughly enjoying the idea of making you admit it. Another slow stir, and you nodded after a moment. “Maybe.”

“Is it?” He pushed a little further, and you swore you could hear his smile in his words alone. “Do you want me to?”

“Can it be your Christmas gift?”

He let out a soft chuckle. “If you want. My lease isn’t up for a few months, but I’d love to move in when it’s up.”

You hid a smile. “Can you get the jars from my office? You’ll have to center the wicks when it’s time, too.” 

Seungcheol stepped forward, pressing a quick peck against your cheek. “Whatever you need me to do,” he turned. You listened as he walked out, yet still spoke loud enough for you to hear him, “Can I get one for free?”

“Aren’t you sick of them by now?”

You heard the sound of glass clinking together as Seungcheol heaved the box into his arms, making his way back in, “I’m not moving in for a few months,” he said. “And you usually have one burning here…”

Fair enough. “You can get one of the leftovers.”

“Deal.” He set the box at his feet as he began to pull the jars out, setting them out. “I know I’ve said it before, but… I’m proud of you.”

“Cheollie—”

“No, really,” he said. “I am. You work full time and you do this as a side business because you love it. If you ever wanted to quit and do this full time… I’d be happy to support you.”

“I like my job,” you shrugged. “I like this, too, but I’m happy with the balance I have now. Especially when I have this guy who comes around sometimes to help me…”

He smiled, setting another jar down. “Is he handsome?”

“I think he’s pretty sexy, yeah,” you giggled. “I think you know him, actually. His name is Yoon Jeonghan—”

Seungcheol almost elbowed you playfully, only stopping because of the hot wax in front of you. “You’re so mean to me,” he pouted. “Right after you were begging me to move in, too.”

“I wasn’t begging.”

Seungcheol chuckled again. “Sure you weren’t.” He let out a blissful sigh. “So… What scent is this batch going to be again?”

“I dunno. What scent did Yoon Jeonghan want again?”

Wax be damned. He turned, immediately pulling you in for a quick kiss, and you could feel him smile against your lips as you giggled. Honestly, you couldn’t wait until he moved in with you officially.

(... And maybe you’d text that to Jeonghan so he could get in on teasing Seungcheol, too.)

taglist: @twancingyunhao @wonuziex @synthetickitsune @staranghae @porridgesblog @weird-bookworm @bangchansbae @laylasbunbunny

[putschki1969]

Hello dear Sarah, I hope you are well, I want to ask you a question since you are very expert on the subject, When kalafina existed (it hurts to say that😭) I was a teenager I couldn't buy their merchandise now that I can I want to know if I buy something from them, do they still make a profit or not?My friend says not anymore, if I want to support them, I better buy their materials as soloists. Please give me some advice.

Hello there!

I am so, so sorry! This reply is long overdue. I had this in my drafts for way too long. These days, I've really been struggling with summer fatigue and can't get motivated to do anything except the bare minimum. As a result, lots of asks have remained unanswered in my inbox/drafts.

Without further ado, let's get to your question〈(•ˇ‿ˇ•)-→

Disclaimer: Take everything you read here with a grain of salt. Even though I would consider myself to be quite knowledgeable on the matter, I don't have all the facts.

I think your friend is correct. If you are buying Kalafina releases (CDs, DVDs/BDs/etc) or merchandise (live goods etc) right now, it is very unlikely that the girls will profit from it.

The way the Japanese entertainment industry works, idols/singers often don't have any rights to their music (especially in a case like this where they don't have an active part in the creative process). From what we know, the members of Kalafina were most likely managed in a very common and traditional "employment dynamic" with their talent agency "Space Craft" , meaning that after the label (Sony/SACRA MUSIC) got its sizeable share, the agency basically pocketed all remaining earnings from Kalafina's activities and then distributed a contractually agreed upon percentage to the members in the form of a monthly salary. As the creative force behind everything, I would assume that Yuki Kajiura probably had a more favourable arrangement with Space Craft along the lines of a client <=> management relationship and therefore received earnings directly with a certain percentage going to the agency but I'm only speculating here. Considering the amounts of money that went to the label, the agency and Yuki Kajiura, it is likely that the girls received a quite meager share compared to everyone else involved. Not saying they weren't paid decently, it was obviously more than enough to allow all three of them to live comfortably (or luxuriously in Keiko's case - keep in mind tho that her family is well-off) but certainly nothing too crazy.

After leaving Space Craft, I very much doubt that Keiko and Hikaru would have financial gains from any Kalafina-related sales. Wakana on the other hand might profit indirectly from such purchases because she's still signed up with Space Craft. Some official Kalafina merch is still available in the Space Craft online store so if you buy anything from there, the money would obviously go to the agency. All other merchandise items that are floating around online or in stores are almost certainly second-hand goods so no profit is made except by the seller/thrift shop. As for music releases from official shops or distribution partners, I'm actually not sure if Space Craft would still receive a cut from that. I guess it depends on their arrangement with the label. I definitely wouldn't rule it out. (YK is probably getting something).

Long story short, if you want to support the girls, the best option currently is to buy their solo stuff. However, that doesn't mean that you should give up on your dream to buy Kalafina releases and merch. Even if the group is disbanded, it is a good thing to signal that there is still demand for them. Also, if you ask me, nothing feels better than to own physical merch/releases. My Kalafina shrine is one of my biggest sources of happiness and pride.

[pinkcherryblossomphonecase]

To feel pretty

(Some Cooper fluff to give him a break. This one is for youuuuu, Ashton mod)

(The peeps I tag: @oscarsgallery @kijimha @city-of-c0rpses @lets-play-a-game @fyyodor-d @myluckymoon )

After such a sleepless night, I forced myself out of the hotel room as quickly to get the day over with. Wasn't in the mood to do anything, nothing is really fun when you're alone, except for cherry blossom gazing. Other than that there wasn't much to do. I guess the only option was to tour around the city and find something to do.

Yokohama seemed busy today with people bustling by or heading off to work. I took my time gazing at very shop I passed by. Maybe a few luxury and treat yourself items wouldn't hurt to buy or gaze at. The beauty makeup store caught my eye, their advertisement for lipsticks had me interested. So many pretty different shades. It wouldn't hurt to try some.

I go inside and the workers were so nice, they greeted me in and asked if I was looking for anything in particular. They helped find me a pretty red shade of lipstick that wasn't too bright but perfect enough for me to wear. They were so helpful, they even showed me how to apply it on right.

I headed out with my new purchase, wondering what types of outfits would go with this shade. While strolling around, lost in thought, I come to a hault as I see a gorgeous dress on the display can of a small business. I had to go inside and ask the owner of the dress was up for sale. Thankfully it was, but I was disappointed at first when it didn't fit me.

Until a kind worker offered a similar dress that was just as pretty, if not more, than the other dress. It had my size as well! They were so kind once I rang up my purchase. They even gave me a free hat because I spent more than 50 bucks there or something. The hat went well with my outfit too.

After purchase I immediately changed into my new outfit, along with the hat and applying the lipstick. I spun around the mirror and gazed at myself in awe. I looked so pretty. I felt so pretty. I was feeling high and confident in myself. After all I rocked this outfit well and everyone knew it.

Some pass byers complimented me or said I looked pretty. And the girl I like at the instruments shop thought I looked pretty as well! It meant a lot to me when she said that. I felt like I could walk with confidence all day.

I guess today wasn't so bad after all. I even got to gaze at the cherry blossoms today. Maybe treating myself was a good thing today. I felt amazing, it made me sleep better at night.

[to-taiwan-from-fanny]

Independent Excursion 2: Academic Reflection of Malls and its Employees.

Dream Mall is the biggest mall in all of Taiwan and it’s located in Kaohsiung, directly accessible by a 30 minute train ride on the lime green line, so of course, I had to go. 

Coincidentally, I spent both of my free days in the city doing just that! The first instance was with Faith, where we traversed through all the floors one by one, hitting every single pop-up shop we saw on the way, and continuing Faith’s turtle stack, which was progressively getting more and more out of hand by day. We must’ve spent around 5 hours there, which led me to falsely believe that we had gone through at least a solid amount of the mall. Nay, it hadn’t even been a quarter of the way through. The mall had so many different wings that we had missed and even a pretty outside area I only got to briefly explore when we were taking the train of shame back at night. 

The second time around, we went with Andy, who ended up being Faith’s bag carrier for the whole 6-something hours we were there. I really wasn’t feeling well that day so I spent most of my time there blindly grabbing onto a boba keychain on his backpack and letting the two of them lead the way. Because I was mentally (and visibly) tired, I didn’t really buy a lot this time around, which is really impressive considering my borderline shopping addiction. 

Since Day 1 of being in Taiwan, I’ve noticed that the sales staff here are a bit, no, way more aggressive than their American counterparts. I’m a person that finds it really hard to say no, especially if someone’s taking time out of their day to approach me (and even if I know it’s just a part of their job description), making malls more stressful to me than they should be. Ever since Faith got socks forcibly tried on her and I got swindled into buying a 900 NTD umbrella, I’ve been on guard more than ever, ready to say “bu hao yi zhi, wo men bu yao” and run off with Faith. 

I always feel bad whenever I do this, though; they’re always so nice it’s almost deceptive, and I’m not alone in feeling this way. According to a study conducted by Lee, N., Beatson, A. and Lin, Y-J. (2010), salespeople in Taiwan are described in both positive and negative characteristics (from snobbish, forceful, false to clever, patient, and kind), a stark contrast to a 1995 study of Americans’ perception of salespeople which was far more negative. It seems that Taiwanese people are both way more empathetic towards employees and also better at being employees in general. 

While I can acknowledge how good at their jobs they are, it was still a terrifying prospect for my wallet being around them. For the first few days when it was just me and Faith exploring the malls, it seemed as if the salespeople were inescapable; hiding around the corner ready to jump me with a mouthful of information about vacuum cleaners. I wondered if it was something about me that screamed “I’m a tourist, please scam me!” and while a large part of it definitely was, it was also because we fit the descriptor of the target audience of malls.

A study conducted by Yang Ho-wen (2005) found that the average mall shopper for Taiwan Sugar Mall, a mall similar to Dream Mall, was “travelling further, younger, having short residential durations, single, with a higher educational level, higher personal income, and more concerned about parking facilities and store loyalty card scheme/coupons/promotional activities.” While I certainly don’t have a high personal income, with the way I present myself, I certainly understand why a shopkeeper would be keen to approach two young adults carrying large bags of stuff. Still a bit offended at how hard I got clocked, though. 

Self check-outs are also very sparse here in comparison to in the States, forcing me to interact with cashiers for even the most mundane of purchases, a slight inconvenience I was shocked to have experienced in Taiwan. It might be my close mindedness speaking, but I had assumed that progression inherently equaled convenience and that there’d be way more self-check out style systems in the country. I hadn’t seen a single self check-out lane in my entire time here but according to the Taiwan News (May 6th, 2023 edition), they’re slowly integrating them into the fabrics of daily life. 

Despite this, I don’t see the prevalence of sales keepers going away. The hospitality and eagerness of the people here have definitely been one of the key highlights of my trip and I can’t imagine a Taiwan without it, even if it meant a few more victims to a twenty eight dollar umbrella scam going on in Shin Kong Mitsukoshi.

Chen, Y.-H. (2011) ‘The service quality and Consumer Behaviour Analysis in Taiwan’, Procedia - Social and Behavioral Sciences, 25, pp. 16–24. doi:10.1016/j.sbspro.2011.10.524. 

Service is our second name - Taiwan’s Amazing Convenience Stores: Taiwan news: May. 6, 2023 10:30 (2023) Taiwan News | May. 6, 2023 10:30. Available at: https://www.taiwannews.com.tw/news/4883503 (Accessed: 07 August 2024). 

Lee, N., Beatson, A. and Lin, Y-J. (2010) ‘Stereotypes of Taiwanese salespeople at the service interface’, Int. J. Services Technology and Management, Vol. 14, Nos. 2/3, pp.217–232.

[amarantine-amirite]

The Frustration Trap

It started when we had to buy a new oven. We did our research before we purchased the range we wanted. At least, we thought we bought the range that we wanted.

I was 17 and my parents were away on business when they delivered the unit. We did not receive an oven. The local hardware store instead delivered what I maintain is the most useless cooktop in existence instead of the range we wanted.

Most importantly, there was no oven. We can't make do with just the stovetop. Some argue otherwise, but there are some foods you need to put in the oven. For example, sous-vide chicken wings just don't taste right.

I swung by the furniture store where we bought the range. I waited forever to talk to someone because the place was crawling with personal shoppers who soaked up the cashier's time and attention. I've never seen personal shoppers in a housewares store other than for people in wheelchairs, not even in a fancy housewares store.

Finally, someone came over to help. "Hi, can I help you?" said a sales associate with a bushy hairdo, mustache, and a name tag that read "Doug."

"Yes," I said, "we bought a range here and you delivered a totally useless cooktop"

Doug tilted his head to one side. "What was wrong with it?"

I pulled out the picture I took of the cooktop on my phone. "The piece of shit that called itself a cooktop had no dials and was made of window glass painted to look like quartz glass."

Doug had difficulty believing what I just said. He tipped his head to one side. "How would you work a cooktop with no dials?" he asked.

"By using the app that goes with it, which is also total shit," I huffed. It pisses me off that the manufacturer forces you to download a crappy app to restore functionality you expect to come standard.

"Oh, this?" Doug said as he pointed to the app on my phone, "Yeah, their app is super easy to use."

"Ya think?"

Doug began his bullshit-laden spiel. "well, it's free and -"

"No, it's not." I interrupted, "The app wasn't free and the subscription fee cost almost twice as much as our rent!"

"Well," Doug stammered, "you can control the cooktop from anywhere - "

I blinked at him. "Doesn't matter. This stupid app made you give it your social security number to set up two-factor authentication and your bank account to verify payment information. I have no idea how stupid people would be to use it," i said, "Worse, none of the materials online mentioned you'd need this to install the app."

"Why is it stupid?" Doug asked.

"I'm positive that this app harvests your data and sells it on the black market."

Doug still didn't get it. "What's your point?"

"My point is you didn't deliver the product you wanted and what you did deliver is useless." I said tensely.

Doug shrugged. "How is this my problem? I'm not responsible for what we sell."

"Yes, you are" I nodded, "You are a salesman. You are responsible for assisting the customer when the product fails to meet expectations." I can't believe I had to tell him his job.

Doug raised his hands. "Hey, it's not my fault your frustration tolerance is so bad," he said defensively. He did the human equivalent of a lazy pony that trots really fast when you ask him to canter and hopes you don't notice.

I started to lose my patience. I felt myself tense up and go up on my tiptoes. "I do not have bad frustration tolerance," I said. I struggled not to yell at him. "The same things that frustrate you also frustrate me. I'm just more vocal about what's bugging me than other people."

"Yes, but let me repeat myself here," Doug said to me, "I am not responsible for the manufacturer telling the truth, nor am I responsible for managing the customer expectations. My mandate is that I only get the thing out of the store."

"No," I corrected, "that's only half your mandate."

Doug nervously turned around. "I'm going to get my manager."

"Yes," I nodded, "please do, because you're clearly too stupid to handle this on your own."

The manager arrived but did nothing to help. "Is there a problem here?" she asked with a facial expression that suggested I pulled her away from playing League of Legends on company time.

I noticed her name tag read "Anna". "Yes, I bought a range and they delivered a cooktop that leaves loads to be desired and the salesman has done nothing to help me rectify why I've received a subpar product," I said.

Anna shrugged her shoulders. "Why should I deal with your frustration?"

"Because it's a question of customer service," I huffed. I tried not to yell at her because people who work in stores have shit jobs and it isn't fair to yell at people who are trying to help even though their pay and work environment is crap.

Anna shook her head and said, "No, you just can't cope with frustrations."

I could feel myself losing control. My mouth dried up and I started shaking and pointing indiscriminately. "I do not have any more of a problem coping with frustrations than the next person," I said unbelievably quickly, "What I have trouble coping with is Doug's inability to do his job!"

Anna leaned forward and talked down to me, "No, he does his job just fine, you're just a bitch with the frustration tolerance of a four-year-old."

There was no way I could get myself back down. I couldn't even leave the store. I just froze. While I stood there unable to calm myself down, she proceeded to record me on her phone

It slowly occurred to me that she egged me on in hopes she could get a good Karen video to post online and license the rights to the highest bidder. I tried to walk away before I could further humiliate myself, but my legs just wouldn't move. I know because I fell over just turning around.

In hindsight, I don't think it would have helped. "I'm putting that on YouTube!" Anna exclaimed triumphantly.

The video went viral. It spread like wildfire across social media platforms. It captured the attention of thousands, including my parents.

They came home from their business trip early so they could deal with me. Dad brought the suitcase in from the car. I took a deep breath and steeled myself for what would come.

"We need to talk," Dad began as he slammed his large suitcase on the stairs.

"Lay it on me," I sighed as I sat down on the couch.

Dad walked into the living room, sat in front of me, and pulled up the video on his phone. "I saw this video of you giving the manager of the Karl Farbman Store a hard time about the range we bought," he sighed heavily in frustrated disappointment.

I didn't hesitate to defend myself. "Because it wasn't right, and they weren't doing their job," I firmly retorted.

Dad pinched the bridge of his nose, a sign of mounting frustration. "Harriet, this is why you need to check before you accept the order," he reasoned, trying to get his point across.

"It's not my fault they brought it while you were away," I responded with a touch of exasperation, "They said they were bringing it the week before you left."

Dad looked at me incredulously. His frustration broke through. "Then whose fault is it? Charles DeGaulle's?!" he exclaimed sarcastically.

My eyes widened in disbelief. "You weren't there!" I shouted, "Those morons were the exact opposite of helpful!"

Dad waves his hands horizontally. "It doesn't matter, Harriet," he grimaced, "The problem isn't the customer service at Farbman, the problem is you wear your frustrations on your sleeve, and that attracts the wrong attention."

I crossed my arms. "Not all the time," I protested.

Dad shook his head. "Harriet, when you deal with people, they see you express what's bugging you, and unfortunately, they take advantage of you so they can get a Karen video that they hope will go viral," he explained, "They set a trap, and you walked right into it."

My eyes narrowed. "Well, then, avoid those people," I shot back.

Dad shook his head. "You're going to be avoiding everybody if you do that," he retorted. "Retail workers make next to nothing, so what would you do if you saw someone who was upset, and you knew that you'd make ten times your yearly salary from the video of their meltdown?"

"Start looking for a better job?" I asked. I wasn't wrong.

"No. You'd egg them on and hope you got something explosive enough that you could license it to a content aggregator," Dad shouted like this was something that I should know, "Anyone who works in retail will natter at customers until they explode, but for most people, it doesn't post a problem because they don't express frustration as visibly as you do."

I hesitated before I said anything. Nattering at people until they blow up so you can make money off the footage of their tantrums didn't seem normal, but maybe I had just gotten lucky. "So, you're saying it's my fault that someone tricked me into misbehaving?" I questioned. How can the actions of someone else be my fault?

"No, Harriet," Dad said sharply, "it's your fault for taking the bait."

I mentally checked out. Nothing Dad said made any sense, so I picked up the Rubik's cube and tried to solve it.

Grandpa gave me the Rubik's cube just before he died. He asked me to solve this ordinary-looking but very special cube. I received no instructions on how to solve it, only a note that read: There are two kinds of people in the world - people who can solve Rubik's cubes, and people who just move the stickers around to make it look like you solved it. The latter are cheaters.

It's been a month. I'm nowhere near solving it. The mechanism would jam if I turned in a certain way. Unfortunately, turning it that way seemed to be a requirement to solve the puzzle. I tried so many other ways to avoid turning at the way where it got jammed, but nothing worked. It'd feel like I got somewhere but then I'd make an even bigger mess and have to start over.

Dad caught me struggling to turn the Rubik's cube. "You see? You're doing it again, Harriet."

"No, I'm not!" I grunted as I turned it as hard as I could.

To everybody's shock, the Rubik's cube broke apart after I turned it. If you turned it past the point where it jammed, the cube itself would open up to reveal the mechanism inside. I looked at the mechanism and saw it contained an SD card. I picked it up and put it in the pocket of my jeans.

I haven't been able to sleep that night. At about 1 a.m. the next day, I got up and plugged the SD card into the computer. I noticed only one item: a wave file titled November-3-2002-Broadcast.

I clicked on the link, intrigued by the mysterious recording that awaited me. As the audio began to play, I realized it was a recording of an alien anthropologist calling into a podcast. The familiar voices of the podcast hosts greeted the extraterrestrial guest.

"Welcome to the show," the host chimed in. "What's up? You've reached our podcast."

The caller gave the people on the podcast the surprise of their lives. "Uh, yeah, my name is Jethré. I'm one of the many aliens studying your species, and I'm calling to lodge a complaint."

The host sat there with a confused look on his face, looking confused. "OK?" he responded casually. He thought it was a joke - people prank call podcasts all the time, especially in the fall.

Jethré quickly explained, "Your species needs to stop calling yourselves Homo sapiens. The term sapient means something specific: a sentient species. Many species of sentient aliens, ours included, do not consider humans sentient."

The host's disbelief turned into curiosity. "Why is that?" he asked. He seemed genuinely intrigued by the alien's perspective.

"Because you humans are unable to keeneetaa," Jethré responded.

While the host muttered "What the hell is keeneetaa?"; his co-host chimed in with a suggestion. "Is it the ability to evolve intelligence without destroying our environment?"

Jethré promptly dismissed the notion. "Nope, it's not that," xe replied.

The co-host's determination persisted. "How about the ability to power our big brains on a plant-only diet?"

I don't think any of those are right. It sounds like someone projecting their wishful thinking onto something they don't understand. It's more likely that keeneetaa is either a universal language understood by all members of a species, a connection to some psionic web of understanding, or some wacky dance with little kicks and thumbs.

Jethré finally told us what keeneetaa was supposed to be. "It's neither. Keeneetaa is the sound of something colliding with nothing." xe said.

It took me a while to figure out what something colliding with nothing was supposed to mean. "No Earth language has a word for the instantaneous realization that something magnificent doesn't exist."

The alien was right. No language on Earth has a word for that, not even German, and German has a word for everything. We do, however; have a story for it: the story of The Emperor's New Clothes.

I thought back to my debacle with the stove we bought from the Karl Farbman store. The salespeople went on and on about how fantastic the smart cooktop was, but I was the only one who saw it for what it was: nothing but garbage. I saw something everyone said was magnificent was really nothing.

Does this mean I am the only sentient human because I can keeneetaa? Only time will tell.

@sstrangeprompts

[ashwhowrites]

Well Alright Mommy Since I love you so much 🥰 I’ll tell you about ALL about my horny thoughts 😏 ( buckle up though cause It’s looong )

I was thinking about you telling me you wanted to take me shopping at the mall and I was so excited bc ( I love shopping) but you said there was a catch I did to go around the mall wearing a short dress with a toy in my ass and another in my pussy hmm so you bend me over the bed and slide both toys into my holes Then you dress me into a cute short dress with no panties underneath which embarrass me more then we go off to the mall and you say I get to buy whatever I wanted and that you would pay for me mommy and I was super happy and excited Then we went into a clothing store I got a lot of cute outfits then you came with me into the changing room but you were a little upset that I was taking the toys so well into my hole so you told me to kneel on the changing rooms floor ( oh in my thoughts the changing the bottom is open so you can see people people walking around outside and they can like see your feet in the change room if that makes sense?) but I was extremely embarrassed bc I didn’t want to kneel on the floor and take out the plug in my ass and the vibrator in my Pussy bc Then if someone walked by they would know for sure what exactly we were doing in there 😏 You said You didn’t care if someone walked by it’s either I do as you say or I could pay for the clothes myself or not even get the clothes at all ( but there was a lot of cute clothes and I wanted all of them ) so I agreed and I took the plug off of my ass first and then I took the vibrator out and then you told me to put an even bigger toy into both my holes I asked if you can give my holes a break you said no, so I lubed the giant dildo and slowly pushed it into my Asshole but it’s kinda tight and I heard people starting to walk closer to where our changing room was so I hurry up then I had the other toy and put it into my pussy ( I was about to stand up but you came to me and started playing with the dildo in my ass and my pussy kept getting get and you pushed a finger in there playing with both of them Not caring that Other people were going to walk by out change room as I was going to cum you pulled away and stood back up walking out of the change room so I was a bit sad so I pulled myself together and then grabbed the clothes fixing my outfit and walked out while we we’re about to pay at the register you made the had both the toys on the highest setting which nearly made me moan out loud to the person at the counter, once we were finished we went to buy shoes then when I a sales person was helping us you slowly reached down and pulled the dildo slowly in and out of my hole and as I was trying on the shoes you kept going the same motion nearly making me explode then and there we payed and went to the food court but I accidentally Drop one of the clothes bags on the floor so you told me to pick it up ( while forcing me to bend over the table) You pulled the toys out of my pussy completely before shoving it all in again I really couldn’t do it and wanted to cum so badly but you told me that if I did everybody would hear and I tried my best not to cum ( which was extremely hard) then afterwards we walked to the car and and you told me to get on my hands and knees in the back seat of the car so I did and you made sure to check they were still tight in my pussy and ass while the drive home made me incredibly horny so when when we got home You told me to get onto all fours and then you slowly pulled the toy out of my pussy which was covered in my wetness but when you pulled the dildo out of my ass it didn’t really want to come out ( I was clenching on it a little to hard) so you starting fingering me putting one two three and at the when shoving all five fingers in my pussy and I squirt to much on the bed ( we had to buy new bed sheets and a mattress) and you finally got to pull the massive dildo from my ass then we went to sleep while you let me suck on your breasts softly to get me to fall asleep. 😏🥵😧 ( also you also applied lotion to both my aching holes) 🥵

Sorry that I was extremely long mommy! But I hope you might also got a bit horny from reading this 😏

- 🍒

Oh mommy is definitely horny from this

[saberpastel]

Dream time

I had a dream that I kept trying to buy a new sketchbook but things kept going wrong

I walked into what I at first thought was a small book/craft store. I looked around for a while and found a book I thought I'd like but no sketchbook.

I walked up to the sales counter and the person running it was the mother of my crush from highschool, a devoutly Christian woman. Let's call her... Terry.

Terry made some small talk that I can't remember for the life of me and then asked if I found everything I wanted. I told her no, that I was looking to get a new sketchbook, but I couldn't find any books with plain paper in them.

She said something like "oh we have a bigger craft section downstairs, you should go check it out." She directed me towards an elevator and sent me on my way to the lowest floor. I was beginning to wonder why this store had so many floors when the elevator doors opened and I stepped out into the most expansive set up for a craft store I've ever seen.

When I say expansive I mean that the space was big. Not that the selection was any bigger than a regular craft store, there was just a lot of space in between sections. It looked like a shopping mall but everything had brightly colored carpet with designs all over it.

I guess it doubled as a family entertainment center? There were people of all ages running around playing games, chatting, and other things like that. There was a section that sold felt that had a brightly colored giant caterpillar ride for kids. Another section had wooden pieces and there were some kids rolling a wooden ball back and forth. There was an arcade, a play place specifically for playing tag, a lot of whimsical places that shouldn't have product shelves in them and each one sold a different type of craft supply.

I looked through multiple sections, a section with what I thought were sketchbooks only to find every single one had graphing lines or journal lines or some other form of marking, a section exclusively of different colors of plain paper which was great for drawing but not what I was looking for, and a section that had what I thought was a two-pack of sketchbooks sold as a set which turned out to just be stacks of paper that were unbound so you could do the book binding.

Finally, I found a small shelf with different types of plain sketchbooks that I began searching through for the exact kind of sketchbook I was looking for. I wanted something that looked like a hardcover book so that it would look nice on my shelves, and eventually I found one that I was okay with. It wasn't perfect, but at this point I had spent way too much time in this store, and I just wanted to leave.

For some reason, my highschool crush showed up, and since he's becoming a recurring character I'll call him Garret. He had been playing an intense game of tag but stopped by since he recognized me. I gave him a little awkward, grimacing smile to be polite and shuffled away.

While walking back, I ran into (almost literally) an old ex-friend from highschool who I'll call Kane. Kane was also in an intense game of tag and nearly ran into me, causing me to slip and fall onto the floor (which for some reason was now a shiny hard floor) Kane said he was surprised to see me and made a joke about something I don't remember. I forced a very fake sounding laugh and felt myself starting to slide across the floor. Kane stared in slight horror as I got dragged away by something invisible.

I was happy to be getting away but it was beginning to dawn on me that I was probably in trouble. I tried to grab at the floor but whatever was dragging me was stronger than the friction I could create with my fingers on the floor. I tried to call out for help but it came out as a very half-hearted, low-volume "help."

At that moment, I slid into a shelf and whatever was dragging me stopped. To my own discomfort, I had been dragged back to the shelf I grabbed a sketchbook from, and Garret was standing there, looking slightly confused and horrified. I looked back the way I slid in from to see Kane running to catch up. Dreading the upcoming conversation, I gave a deep sigh, hoping it wouldn't last too long as I didn't want to talk to either of these people.

Luckily for me, Terry's voice came on over the store's intercom, telling customers that the store was closing and that they should make their way out. I got up to leave immediately. Garret tried to ask me what happened but I ignored him and trotted away to catch up with a cluster of people surrounding the elevator.

An employee stood at the doors to the elevator, preventing people from going in and asking everyone to use the stairs. Terry walked down those same stairs and angrily asked why nobody was using the elevator, to which the other employee responded with something like "it's not my fault the elevator's broken," to which Terry responded by mumbling something about customer service and asking everyone to follow her up the stairs.

Most everyone present complained. ( I don't blame them, there were a good 6 or so floors between this one and the ground floor, and all of them had pretty high ceilings so we would be climbing at least twice the amount of stairs it would usually take to go up 6 floors. )

Going up the stairs, I discovered that the floors in between the bottom and ground floors were all different mini golf areas. The only one I remember was the first, which was entirely, floor to ceiling, covered in arcade carpet and decorated like space. The rest of the floors went by quickly as I started listening to the woman next to me talking about something random.

It wasn't until I was halfway down a hallway with a group much smaller than the one we started in that I started taking in my surroundings again. We were in a hallway of a floor which was a Victorian style. The walls were a faded floral wallpaper with white accents and every so often a window let light into the hallway. I don't remember looking out the windows, but I remember that it just seemed like the only thing you could see in them was the white light streaming in.

I noticed some people talking angrily and eavesdropped. Terry seemed nervous and was trying to calm them down. I didn't hear much, but I did hear a bit of "don't know how we got here" and "top floor". Apparently we had somehow left the rest of the customers behind and ended up climbing the stairs to the top floor of the building.

I noticed a doorway at the end of the hall, which apparently caught the others' attention as well because the few that were talking angrily ran down the hall to go in the doorway. Terry yelled after them to not go in the door, but that didn't stop them. Terry hurredly followed them in, and when I got to the doorway I stopped.

Something in that room felt... suffocating. Oppressive. The room itself was inviting: well lit, enough seats for everybody, flowers decorating a coffee table in the middle, a fireplace at the end of the room sitting underneath a romantic painting of a woman in a white dress holding a lace parasol, but I couldn't get myself to go in. The woman who had been telling stories as we climbed the stairs tried to enter the room as well, but I stopped her. A few others behind her complained a bit, but went quiet as someone in the room picked up a piece of paper and began reading.

It was a poem.

I'd be hard pressed to remember the exact words, but it was a love poem about how the poet loved someone so much and yearned to see them every day but the subject of the poem didn't seem to ever look their way. The poem became angry, blaming the subject for causing the poet so much pain. Yearning for the subject to feel the same pain as the poet. It ended with something about keeping the subject forever so they could be in pain together.

The man reading the poem muttered something about crazy women and set the poem back down. Terry tried in a panicked voice to convince the people in the room to leave quickly, but the man started talking about how stupid women are, and other misogynistic things like that, blaming Terry for guiding them all the way up to the top floor even though she worked there.

It was then that I noticed that a scar on the man's hand was reopening. At once, it began to happen to everyone else in the room as well. I began to notice small shimmering shapes, and realised they were bees. I couldn't focus on them though; it was like my mind was trying desperately to not see them, to forget that they existed at all, but I kept watching. The bees were responsible for reopening the old wounds these people had.

I'll spare you the gorey details, but there were some people in that room who had gotten surgeries, and those scars reopened as well. One person had apparently had surgery on their eyes at one point, and bees ... sparing the gorey details. Only I know the full horrors.

( o_o) . . .

I had been standing in the doorway, halfway inside the room, and I noticed that a scar I have on my side, that I got while falling down a hill on a hike when I was a kid, had reopened as well. I wanted to put my hand over the scar, but I kept forgetting. I began to panic so I closed my eyes for a second.

When I opened them I was on the ground floor of the store again, holding the sketchbook I had grabbed from downstairs with both of my hands. A piece of paper was nestled into the front page. Garret waved his hand in front of my face. Apparently he had been trying to get my attention.

I blinked a couple of times and noticed the other people in the group I was in walking out the door, some of them holding their hand over fresh scabs in various places. I looked over to the counter where Terry gave me a little wave, holding up the book I was going to buy. She winced a little when she raised her arm and looked down at it, confused.

Garret was still trying to talk to me. He asked me what happened. I put my hand to the scar on my side, lifting up my shirt to look at it. It looked like those bruises you get when you get pinched by something, where you can see the blood just under the skin, but it hasn't broken through. Written, with that injury, was something like "Well hello there" in partial cursive. It looked like whoever wrote it got better at cursive the further they got into writing it. Garret was struck speechless.

I opened my empty sketchbook to look at the paper wedged inside. It was the poem. I took some time to read it again. I realised that whatever it had been, a spirit, the building itself, whatever had dragged me across the floor and opened all those old wounds in the people I was with, was the poet.

I looked back up to Garret, the color drained from my face, and the dream ended.

[casspurrjoybell-23]

LOST and FOUND - Chapter 13 - Part 2

*Warning Adult Content*

One week after visiting Harrison's grave, it was finally time for the grand reopening of Beau's Books.

Jona was obviously here with me.

My whole family was coming, as well as Ethan and Katie.

There were banners hanging outside, alerting people to the grand reopening.

I had put ads in the paper and online about it.

I had even found an old mailing list on Harrison's computer with a number of email addresses that he would send out news about the store and sales notifications to, so I used those to notify people we were opening again as well.

But I was incredibly nervous that no one would show up.

I wondered if Harrison had that same fear when he first opened the store.

The place was freshly dusted this morning even though I had spent the last month cleaning it from top to bottom.

I had purchased a tons of new releases and put them on the specified shelves.

The books that had been sitting there for the past year were placed on the older shelves according to genre and author.

I had even been reading more in my spare time so I could set up a recommendations area.

I'd forced some books on Jona as well but he'd been happy to help.

There was a new kids area and I planned on having a kids night every Wednesday night.

I wasn't the best with kids but I knew that it would bring in customers and I thought I could pull it off well enough.

I was hoping that the store would really take off because I planned on hiring at least a couple people to help me out.

Harrison had always been really stubborn and wanted to do everything himself but that just wasn't me.

I would love to have help and I just hoped I made enough money to be able to hire some employees.

It would also be nice to have people to talk to all day instead of being here by myself.

Jona was stationed behind the front counter as I ran around the place, making sure everything was in order.

"Everything is fine, baby," he called to me.

"Calm down and open the place up."

I took a deep breath and walked over to the front counter.

"This is scary," I told him.

He gave me a gentle smile.

"I know but everything is going to great. Harrison's old, loyal customers will be returning and there will be a bunch of new people as well."

He came around the counter and wrapped his arm around me.

"You worked so hard on this," he said.

"You did a great job. I'm proud of you and Harrison would be proud of you too. The place looks great and I know people will be ecstatic to shop here again... Now why don't you open the place up?"

I took another deep breath and looked up at him with wide eyes.

I was terrified... but I supposed it was time.

I headed over to the front door and took a deep breath.

I flipped the sign on the door over to open and unlocked it.

I took a few steps back, heart beating quickly.

I felt a little silly for being so nervous but it again made me wonder how Harrison felt when he first opened the store.

He mostly had a calm exterior but I was pretty sure that he had to be nervous... because this was fucking nerve-racking.

A minute passed and I went over to the front counter, sitting down on the stool set up there.

Jona came over and rubbed my back, giving me a kiss on the head.

Then, the bell above the door made a dinging noise.

I gasped and my head swung in that direction.

An unfamiliar couple walked in and I greeted them immediately.

"Hello, welcome to Beau's Books."

They smiled at me and said hello.

I asked them if they needed anything but they said they just came to look.

They went about their business and began browsing the store.

Even if they didn't buy anything, I was naming this day a success already.

There were two people in the store and it hadn't even been five minutes since I opened.

This was amazing.

I looked up at Jona with a beaming smile and he smiled back at me.

"See? I told you," he said and I glared at him a little.

The next people to show up were Jona's children, Katie and Ethan with Ethan's best friend, who I had come to learn was named Sean.

There was a round of hugs and I thanked them all for coming.

I could see that Ethan kept looking at Sean, blushing and then looking away quickly.

It was cute and I hoped he didn't get his heart broken.

I really cared about him and I wanted him to be happy.

He had said that he couldn't tell Sean about the way he felt because he would end up hating him but I believed there was always a chance.

A few more customers showed up and I was completely shocked.

Within the first hour, there were ten people walking around the store.

It may have been busier than I ever saw it.

After the first hour passed, my parents and brother showed up.

I was so happy to have them here and I realized as they looked around the store that they had never been to the bookstore before.

"This looks wonderful, Beau," Mom said and she gave me another hug.

They all hugged Jona as well and even Katie and Ethan.

"Thanks, Mom," I said with a smile.

"I want you all to pick out any book that you like, on the house."

Everyone began protesting but I hushed them up.

"I insist. Please. It would make me really happy. Plus it will help me with my recommendations shelf. So really you're doing me a favor."

Everyone smiled and they all agreed after that.

Ethan and Sean went off to look around.

I told them where the graphic novel section was, thinking they may be interested in that.

Katie and Liam went off together and they headed for the traveling section.

I knew Liam had a bit of wandering nature but he didn't often get to travel.

He had many books on different countries and I wasn't surprised he headed in that direction.

Mom headed in the direction of the cookbooks and Dad followed behind her.

I looked over at Jona with a smile and he quickly wrapped me up in a hug.

"Things are going so well," I told him.

He pulled away and nodded.

"Again, I told you so."

I stuck my tongue out at him and then pulled further away from him when I saw a few people approaching the counter.

"Hello," I said excitedly, seeing that they each had a small stack of books in their hands.

I tried to compose myself and not freak out about my first sales.

They didn't need to see that side of me.

I wrung them all up and gave them each new bags with Beau's Books printed on them.

I smiled and waved them goodbye.

Once they were out of earshot, I squealed at Jon.

"My first three sales. Oh my God."

[nickgerlich]

Doubling Down

I have long argued that, in spite of our increasingly polarized society, the answer to many issues lies somewhere in the middle. It’s not necessarily so much about compromise as it is just that truth is seldom as extreme as some would claim. Between the binary black and white is an ocean of gray, and that’s where we need to know how to tread water.

In a class like Digital Marketing, the battle plays out between e-commerce and BAM stores, as if it were a winner-take-all affair. As much as Amazon upset the apple cart, and forced everyone else to come back or go away, the future of American retail is still somewhere in the middle. And, it can be argued, still leaning toward BAM.

Evidence of the faith in BAM is Walmart’s announcement to either add or convert 150 supercenters to its lineup in the next five years. It currently has 4600 Walmart stores and 600 Sam’s Clubs, and although the company is mum about how many of the 150 will simply be expansions of existing smaller stores, the thinking is that the emphasis will be on new builds.

That’s a bold move at a time when it can easily be argued we are over-stored across the country, and that Amazon continues to increase its presence in the online world. Never mind Amazon, as well as Shein, the upstart Chinese company practically giving away clothes, as well as Walmart’s own push—and it is a big one, finally—into the online arena.

There’s still gold to be mined along our city thoroughfares.

It is interesting to note Walmart’s ubiquity, something we already kind of knew. But when you consider that 90% of Americans live within 10 miles of a Walmart, that fact appears in bold-faced italic. Ten miles. That’s not much for a car-centric society. I am 6.5 miles door to door from Walmart, but have the convenience of it being less than two miles from the office, so it is super easy for me to veer off-course just a tad to pick up my things on the way home.

Walmart is not only the biggest retailer in the US with about $500 billion in annual sales, but also the biggest in the world, with $600 billion. It is the largest private employer in the US, with 1.6 million employees. If those employees all lived in the same city, it would be the sixth-largest city in the US, between Phoenix and Philadelphia.

In spite of inflation and customers pulling back on spending, Walmart has thrived the last few years. In the last year it grew 16%, prompting the company to announce a 3-for-1 stock split in recent days so its employees could more easily afford buying stock.

All of this speaks to a company that is bullish on terra firma stores, and rightfully so, because it has figured out how to use each of those 4600 and growing stores as distribution hubs for delivery of items purchased online. Smart thinking there, and something that Amazon cannot begin to approximate, since it only has about 355 large fulfillment centers scattered across the nation. Add in drones, and while Jeff Bezos may have been the one to imagine such a thing, Walmart is set to crush this delivery mode too.

Amid this growth are plans to renovate many stores to an emerging, more modern concept. This is critically important, because Walmart stores have a tendency to start looking long in the tooth after a while. Target has been engaged in remodel and new format efforts as well, and their super-sleek new store on Orlando’s south side left my jaw dropping over how compelling it was. Mind you, I am a dull academic, so there’s that, but Walmart needs a similar sleekness, or day I say it, sexiness.

I count myself fortunate because my local Walmart is simply outstanding, testament to good store management. It is clean, cheery, and bright. I can’t say that about many other Walmarts. And, the clientele here in Canyon is decidedly more upscale than those at other Walmarts, thanks in large part to being in a university community. I have seen both the President and EVP there before, along with many colleagues.

If Walmart can pull off what it has done here locally, it’s going to be dominating the retail scene for decades to come. The fact they are doubling down on BAM tells me they know which side their bread is buttered on. And that stock split is pretty inviting too.

Dr “I’ll Be There This Afternoon” Gerlich

Audio Blog

[potaunderscore]

decisions

as of writing (the 28th december, A.D. 2023), the steam winter sale is ongoing. the past few nights i have scrolled for cumulative hours. i pick a category, filter to under $10 USD, and note anything that catches my eye. i have spent so much effort researching for my eventual purchase, agonizing over single digit price differentials. it evokes the feeling of browsing at a large thrift store. i sift through mountains of chaff to find candidates. it's absurd when considering the prices of fact: 3 dollars here for a bargain-bin '90s role playing game, 99 cents for an indie there. i wring my hands and sweat over these pitiful sums.

compare this agony to the decisions i make daily concerning food. 99 cents is nothing for a little extra treat. these decisions are made freely, with little care. i never go back and fourth about whether to order this meal or that like i do about sales on steam. the differences in the amount of money paid are the same. the percentage changes, in fact, are smaller, since i will normally spend $50-60 during a steam sale. my food purchases, by comparison, rarely exceed $20, and normally occupy in the vicinity of $10.

so, what makes these two decisions different? why do i get so anxious while video game shopping while deciding what to eat is so breezy?

i don't know exactly what it is, but some things immediately jump out to me:

if i were to spend the same amount of time deciding what to buy at the grocery store as i do deciding what to buy on steam, i would starve to death. the upper limit on decision time is higher for the latter, as steam sales normally last a month, and online shops never close. since i know i can just come back to the decisionmaking later, the pressure to make a quick is gone. in its place is the pressure to make the best decision.

the perceived consequences of a bad decision are greater for video games. with food, if i order something i don't particularly like, i can still choke it down and it'll all be over in just a few minutes. for a video game i find boring or unpleasant, i can either admit defeat and see it staring at me every time i open steam, or i can spend anywhere from a few minutes to dozens of hours forcing myself to soak in that unpleasantness until i've finished the game. both of these options, in my opinion, are far worse than eating a bad meal or the guilt of throwing away half-eaten food. the reader may disagree, but these are my thoughts.

i'm sure if i thought about it longer i'd be able to come up with more possible reasons for this phenomenon, but this is all i've come up with for now. maybe sometime in the future i'll write a follow-up post. if any other explanations spring to mind, please message me with them, and we can discuss.

[tallclinton]

I told myself I needed to write 1000 words tonight since I’m going to be hosting an open mic on in a couple weeks. I’m excited. I need to be funny.  I’m going to crush it and hopefully I’ll get to set up another show with Mauriel. 

I’m glad I went and checked out Grounded Cafe.  Mauriel has built a cool little place. Like my bachelor uncles place before my dad kicked him out of the garage.

Next to the cheese place.  That place has got some expensive mold.  It costs $10 just to smell the gorgonzola.

Pueblo is getting too big. I had to get out. I'm living in Ordway. North of Rocky Ford. The main workforce in Ordway is the two prisons. There are only 1000 people living there and I think that includes the prisoners. Its a small town. I'm new and I'm learning all the small town stuff that goes on. I've been told the mayor and the police force are an Old Boys Club and there's a bunch of corruption.

Its really fun.

There's a cult! The big church in Ordway is the River of Life. I've heard that they're very culty and they were in league with some human traffickers from Mexico.

I got out here in December. I'm running a general good / thrift store with my partner Misty. We enjoy it. I buy storage units and host estate sales. I got to garage sales and auctions. I'm out here hustling. Its been excellent for my self esteem. I dislike myself much less now.

My days are spent interacting with the people of Ordway of whom most seem to be dying. Ordway is not a youthful town. Most of my customers are living in retirement communities. I love all these old folks. They're really go to Misty and I.

Joe, Judith, Ed, Judy, Brandy,

There are dozens of awesome people who come by my little shop so I'm kinda the cool guy. I've never been the cool guy so this is all new to me. Its new and I'm not doing great at it. I'm kind of a dick. Kind of is probably too kind. In the past I have been short with people and I would lose my temper. I still get those times to flair up and I have to remind myself that I don't live in Pueblo anymore and I'm not coming back.

My store has tools, clothes, furniture, books, dvds, housewares, electronics, antiques and collectables. I'm going to pitch that you come out and see what I'm doing because right now I'm selling all my clothes for $1 each. Everything in great shape and there are some name brands. I get donations for the local community and I don't get enough customers to sell as much as I'm getting in.

I may be on a sinking ship with this store but I'm really enjoying working with Misty. She great. She's a fox! I'm so lucky. She works her ass off. I've been trying to keep up with her. It's just the two of us and she's really good at staying busy and attending customers. She listens and people really like her. I've kinda inserted myself into the mix.

I broke 500 words and I'm ready to get away from typing for a little while. I'm glad I wrote. Gorgonzola is funny. I'm going to try to use that and the uncle thing.

I'd like to make fun of Ordway more while I'm hosting. I was doing a joke where their main attraction in town in the middle school football team. There's nothing out here but My Thrift Store, Hardware Store, Coffee Shop, Coffee truck, excellent restaurant called Feelin' Saucy. If you're coming out to Ordway be sure to stop and get a pizza. I'm a big fan.

The pizza place and the coffee place are neighbors and they don't like each other. There's apartments over the coffee shop. I haven't been in them but I assume they're nice.

I'm living in an RV. It was a cold winter. We froze up 3 times and had to stay in the back of the store. I've got a bed set up and sometime's I'll stay when I've stayed too late. The RV is only half a mile away from the shop. Sometimes I like sleeping alone. I love sleeping next to her and cuddling and enjoying her presence. Sometimes sleeping alone is awesome. She's on the rag so I'm staying here tonight.

My hobbies include Magic the Gathering and stand up comedy. I haven't done standup since last year in November. I was doing an open mic at a bar in bessemer and it was pretty bad. I thought the room had some potential but I don't have a following and trying to pull people to a dive bar in a bad area of town is hard. I think if I'd have stuck with it I would've been able to get a following but I was unhappy with the consistent low turnout.

I keep seeing something in my peripheral vision. I'm worried someone is looking in and checking me out. Its past midnight so there shouldn't be many people out. My thrift shop is across from the Columbine Saloon. I don't drink so I don't frequent the place. They stay pretty busy. There was a large group of bikers there this weekend.

I don't drink but I smoke weed. Most of the time I'm hitting my little vape. I like the smell of weed but smelling like burnt weed is embarrassing. I don't tell anyone in Ordway that I tough the devils lettuce. It's a pretty conservative community and I can't afford for a customer to stop coming to my shop because they don't agree with my Mary Jane consumption.

Wow. 1000 words came pretty quick. its easy to write when you're not trying to be funny. Looking for the funny in situations is a good idea though. I'd like to write about the cult and how I'm going to infiltrate it.

Hell yeah.

[morningstarascending]

Life No Longer Silenced - Part 6

I wake up in the hospital only to discovered I have been ran over. I have 24 hours of memories from that day missing. Problem was, a car theif stole a car and I was ran over. Doctors told me I have two severe brain concussions ( front left lobe and back right lobe), pinched and damaged nerves and, a possibility of paralysis. I looked at the doctor calmly and that freaked them out, since I was a pain before. I wanted to take care of myself and go to the bathroom myself. So I was awake and stubborn about taking care of myself, yet I remember nothing. Even my subconcious a bad habits. Though I can;t remeber the episodes or movies on a lot of shows or movies I seen, so it fun to watch it like it was the first time again. Sometimes, some flashes sneak in, better that than negative memories. Finally I come back home and ask to work and only do office work, no stocking or heavy lifting. That didn't last long, he became even more demanding to help remove house tenants, belongs, collect rents checks and, maintenance on a/c units. Stress on me and wear and tear on my car was getting to be way too much. I needed a pay raise and asked for one. I get a possition demotion with a pay decrease and firing for nearly a year in advance. You can re read that, that is true. So in the mean time I tried these stuppid app jobs while working at that gas station. First it was postmates and taht was so horrible. Hardly any orders, pay was so bad and no one really tipped at all. In two weeks I only made 24 bucks and stoked doing that. They I did Lyft, it was also bad. There were too many drivers in an area and then also no one really wanted to tip. After a few months I found out you can only make a living on this in a major city. I found a job at a private liquor store and quit the gas station but kept doing Lyft. Sadly I ended up doing Lyft as a side hustle when my account kept ketting hacked, cars put on there, money taken. Lyft's software security sucks, so I had to contact them to deactivate my account. They didn't even understand that. They kept asking if I wanted to delete it, faq said it can only be deactivated. I have lost faith in the intelligence of humanity and many have been warned about it deteriorating. THis guy was a new owner to the business, kept rude and toxic employees and had a revolving door for more toxic employees. He would never hire enough and expect people to work so many hours for so little pay but was always a couple more dollars than most till the pandemic hit. In the begining it was ok and not too bad, just working till 10 and getting to bed at midnight. As usual I awlways show up to work on time, follow company policy and, constantly keeping the shelfs full. Well he buys another store making it 3 of them and asks me to become manager. Yet again, trust and being promoted quickly, I hate it. It cause animosity in the work place, especially others that want it that have been there longer. It made me alienated but I remained friendly and did my best. Since I was manager I had full access to the system. So I got to work in improving inventory, profits and, stock. I ended up doing so much physical and mental work. I cut inventory down to what sold the most, made it more so easily accessable for stock and sales and, improve profits. All three stores bounces around 23% and 25%. After looking at prices at major and local stores, going through the system (correcting all the numbers; stock, margins, inventory, case sizes. ect...) I had it up to a constant 26% a month. As usually a revolving door of employees but not raising pay during the pandemic caused them to lose employeess and forcing to work at all three stores. Two pretty far apart in one city and the other in another city entirely. Me being promoted, one manager left and other was just lazy and was fired. He promoted a gun loving racist that scared that shit out of me, especially always on drugs. The third manager position kept changing and more toxic employees come in. I finally get the margin at a steady 30% / 31% a month and a usually average is 25 percent.

[darkmulti]

(Yandere and non con warning)

Def not the only one who wants a 18th century h.c of possessive and controlling, husband!Jungkook x forced wife!reader. Jungkook gets jealous after witnessing another man asking you out and when you come back home at night, he breeds you. Please make it rough and non con. Thank you❤️‍🔥

-> you’re definitely not the only one. I can assure you that I’ve thought about this too many times😫

⚠️: NON CON, YANDERE!JUNGKOOK, Squirting/piss play, Physically, mental and emotional abuse, spit play,

-> sorry for any mistakes

Your parents owned a local bakery store

All the recipes were from your late grandmother

You spent almost all of your time there because you were in charge of everything

The store was under your parents’ name but you were the one running it

Sometimes, you even slept there because it’d be too late to walk home

Your dedication to the bakery made it successful

Although, you were the one doing all the work, you parents took all the credit and money

They weren’t paying you because you’re their child

They don’t need to pay you

“It’s a women’s place.” Your father said

You wanted to go back to school however, your parents laughed in your face

“School aren’t for girls, Y/N. Learn how to cook and clean. That’s all you need to know. Let the men handle everything else.”

You were tired of fighting with them and eventually stopped because they threatened to set you up in an arrange marriage

Now, it was just you and the bakery

You had many loyal customers and recently, one has been coming everyday, at the same time

He’d always buy a loaf of banana bread and if he was in a good mood, a blueberry muffin as well

Then, he’d sit in the corner table and eat two - three slices before getting up and leaving

He’d always leave a tip behind and you always kept it for yourself

One day, he didn’t come and you were surprised

For a year straight, he came and bought the same two things

Now, he hasn’t visited in 4 days

Tonight, you came back home for the first time in a while

Your parents had visited the bakery to collect “their” earnings and told you that you have to go somewhere with them that evening

After closing up and cleaning up, you went home and got ready

Your parents were taking you out for dinner as a treat for all your hard work

You were really excited because they were finally acknowledging your hard work

Once you arrived at the restaurant, your parents lead you to a table that already had three people seated

You immediately recognize one of them

It’s that guy who buys your banana loaf!

You sat in front of him while your parents greeted the two other strangers

“Oh, so this is your daughter? She’s gorgeous! Come here and give me a hug.”

You awkwardly chuckled and got up to hug the middle aged women

“Oh! Where are my manners? My name is Jeon F/N, this is my husband, Jeon F/N and this is our son, Jeon Jungkook. We’re your soon to be in laws!”

You heart dropped to the floor

“I-in laws?” You asked, confused

“Yeah, honey. Is this your first time hearing about this? We’ve been talking to your parents for a while now.”

You snapped your head towards you parents and they looked emotionless

“No, no they didn’t tell me anything.”

Dinner with them was hell

Your parents were talking about your wedding arrangements right in front of you

You didn’t know what to do

You wanted to rebel but then your parents would disown you

Just like that, you’d be homeless with little money to survive

In the end, you’d be paying the heavy price

You looked at Jungkook who was staring at you the whole time

You wondered if he knew about this

Maybe, that’s why he came to the bakery everyday

“Did you know anything about this?” You said loud enough for him to hear

“I did.”

“For how long?”

“Since last year.”

You eyes widen, in shock

You were right!

“Why didn’t you stop it?”

“Why would I stop it when I’m the one who wants it?”

You scrunch your eyebrows, in confusion

“What’re you talking about?”

“Since the first day I met you, I wanted to marry you. I told my parents and now, we’re getting married.”

Now, you were mad

You got up and stormed off, catching everyone’s attention

You walked to the bakery and locked yourself in

Here, you thought your parents were acknowledging you for first time, when they were actually setting you up for a marriage so they don’t have to take care of you

You cried yourself to sleep that night

The next couple of weeks, the bakery was closed due to your wedding

The wedding was spectacular

You would’ve love it if you weren’t being forced into a marriage

After the wedding, Jungkook took your precious virginity

He made sure to pleasure you until you passed out

He was so in love with you

Now, he was finally able to show you how much he loved you

And mark you as his

The next couple of months, he was attached to you

He took over his family’s business and you took over your family’s business

He’d visit you every day at work to check if you’re with another man

He was so paranoid about it, sometimes he’d come by 3 or 4 times to make sure you were not cheating

You thought he missed you and that’s why he kept stopping by (which is half true) however, you had no idea that he was possessive and controlling

You had to learn the hard way

Sometimes, you wouldn’t leave work until midnight

You had so much things to do like preparing for the next day, making a to-do list, making a grocery lists, and cleaning every area of the shop

It’s time consuming, so obviously you finish up pretty late

Jungkook absolutely hates that

Although you stay late in the shop once in a while, he can’t stand it

He wants you to be in his arms every night

Jungkook gets angry when you’re not

This was your fourth time staying out late in the shop and he’s had enough

He couldn’t help but feel paranoid about what you were actually doing in the shop

What if you lied and went on a date with another man?

What if you were running away from him?

Or even worse, what if you were having sex with another guy?

He raced to the bakery and banged on the door, which scared you

You saw that it was him and let him in

“W-what’s wrong?! You scared me!”

“Grab your stuff, we’re going home.”

“But I’m not done yet! I only have a couple more things to do and then I’ll come home. I told you already-”

“I don’t think you fucking heard me!” He yelled and grabbed your hair

“Grab your shit, we are leaving right now.”

He pushed you towards the counter and crossed his arms

You let your breath out in shock but scurry to get your stuff

You’ve never seen him like this and it terrified you

“I have my stuff.”

“Good, let’s go.”

He helped you lock the door and wrapped his arm around your waist

The walk home was silent

You were scared shitless

All you wanted to do was run back into your parents’ house

But he didn’t let you move an inch away from him

Once you got home, he started pushing you around and arguing some more

“Jungkook, I told you this afternoon when you came to visit! I said I have to stay late so I don’t have to stress myself out in the morning!”

“Don’t fucking lie to me! Who were you fucking seeing?!” He screamed, frightening you more

“No one! I swear, no one!” You whimpered

He corned you into your shared room and locked the door

“Jungkook, I swear! Nothing happened!”

He didn’t believe a single word coming out of your mouth

It was like you were talking to a wall

He pushed you onto the bed and stripped you naked

Jungkook pushed two fingers into your cunt and pretended to scoop out cum

“If nothing happened, why is your cunt full of cum?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about! I didn’t have sex with anyone!”

You weren’t very educated about sex, so Jungkook had an advantage

You began apologizing even though you didn’t have sex with anyone

You just wanted peace between you two

“I’m sorry! I didn’t cheat or anything, but I’m sorry if it hurt you! I really am!”

Jungkook slapped you and spat on your face

“Dirty slut. Telling me that you’re not cheating but still apologizing.”

“No! Please, I didn’t do anything!”

Jungkook pulled his cock out and shoved it in without warning

You were still new to sex so when he didn’t let you adjust, you automatically started screaming and crying

“Please, slower!” You cried, holding onto his biceps as he went faster and deeper

“Stop! Please!”

Jungkook loved the sound of his balls clapping against your ass

It honestly made him harder

All night, he was on top, fucking you hard

Your legs were spread apart, tears in your eyes and sweat dripping down your forehead

You looked like a hot mess

And he loved every second of it

“Mmh- Jungkook!”

You squirted around him and had a trembling orgasm

You couldn’t stop releasing your liquids on him and he couldn’t stop pounding you

The bed sheet was soaked by the end of it

He pushed his cock deep inside and came

After Jungkook fell asleep, you cried for while

How were you supposed to tolerate him for the rest of your life?

The next morning

You woke up in severe pain

You lower region was begging for some pain relief

But there was nothing you could do about it

Jungkook was still sleeping next to you

You decided to leave before he wakes up

After getting ready by leaning on everything, you slowly walked to town

When you arrived at the bakery, you saw a big “for sale” sign

You panicked and went inside the store, only to be greeted by your parents

“Mother, father! Why is there a “for sale” sign on the bakery?”

You parents looked at each other in disappointment

“You see, we have to explain the obvious to your daughter. Be grateful that someone willingly married your idiot daughter.” Your father said before walking out

His words did hurt but you cared about the bakery more than your father

“Why’re you selling it, mother? Can you not afford it anymore? Why-”

“Shut up, Y/N! You’re married now, you have wifely duties. You don’t have time for this bakery so the best option is to sell it.”

Your world fell apart right before your eyes

“But mother-”

“Save it. You already made your father upset. I’m warning you now, you don’t want to get on my bad side.”

You cried the whole morning

After you opened the bakery, lots of people gathered in line

All breads, cakes and muffins were going on sale

After you served the people in line, you went up to the tables and took their order

After you served them, a regular customer who was sitting alone gestured you to come over

You went over to the man and asked him if he needed anything

He told you to take a seat and accompany him

Since the crowd died down, you sat down in front of him

“You look a bit stressed and sad. What’s on your mind?”

You were touched by his words

Finally, someone cared about you

You told him you were upset about the bakery closing

He understood and even offered money to help you keep it open

You were flattered but didn’t accept the money

“Money’s not a problem, my parents just don’t want to keep this shop open.”

You talked with this guy for a couple of hours

Although this was your first time talking to him, you talked to him like he was your best friend

When closing time came around, he got up and asked you out on a date

You didn’t know what to do

You were married but you really liked this guy

You were considering saying yes when someone pulled his shoulder back and punched him across the face

“Jungkook! What the hell is wrong with you?!”

“You think I didn’t see that?! I saw it all. I saw you flirting with my wife for three hours straight and then asking her out on a date!”

Jungkook beat the crap out of the guy and pushed him outside

He then came back in the store, looking at you with devil eyes

“Yesterday’s punishment clearly wasn’t enough.”

The entire way home, he was yelling at you, slapping you, spitting on you, pulling your hair, pushing you to the ground and choking you

You were crying the whole time, apologizing over and over

When you arrived home, he seriously had no mercy on you

No foreplay, no lube, no adjusting

Just a raw, thick cock being forced into you

You were begging him to let you go but tonight, nothing was going to stop him

He was moving his hips insanely fast, not giving you enough time to breathe

You were choking on your own sobs

“Jungkook, please no! I’m sorry!”

“Why did you hesitate to deny his offer? You are a married fucking women!” With each word a hard thrust followed, knocking all the air out of you

“Answer me! Is he better than me? Does he take care of you? Does he provide money for you? TELL ME!” He was yelling so loudly, it was making you cry harder

“N-no, he doesn’t. He was just the first person to care about me.” You whispered the last sentence but, Jungkook was able to make it out

“Are you saying that I don’t care about you?”

He got more aggressive and fastened his pace

“Tell me, Y/N! Do you think that I don’t care about you?!”

You couldn’t answer him because you couldn’t catch your breath

He was going too fast and you were crying so hard, you couldn’t breathe

Jungkook noticed how much you were struggling and added onto your struggle by holding your neck down

“Apologize, right now Jeon Y/N!”

You softly apologize but it wasn’t good enough for him

He lifted your legs a little, giving him better access and fucked you till you squirted

This time you sobbed your apology and begged for forgiveness

“I’m so sorry, Jungkook! It’ll never— ah! It’ll never happen again! I’m so sorry! Please for- forgive me for my dumb m-mistake. Please! I’m begging you.” You held onto the bed sheet, praying he would stop

He huskily growled and pushed his cock in deep

“For the next 9 months you’ll be swelling with my baby. Now, everyone can back off.”

He shot his hot cum right into you, filling you up to the rim

Sorry for any mistakes. It’s 3:41am 😄

[thefirsttree]

A personal update + my next game

OK, time to do this. I’ve been meaning to do a big DAVID WEHLE™ update for a while now and explain why I haven’t released a new game yet, but you know how life gets in the way. Especially when life is a quarantine hellscape, you have three beautiful, amazing, exhausting kids to raise, a spouse’s job you support, a viral YouTube channel that turns your brain to mush, a thousand emails waiting in your inbox since your game is free on the Epic Games Store (with an impressive number of redemptions too! … meaning lots of emails and customer support issues), etc., etc. What also contributes to my lack of updates is because… I just don’t really like posting online. Fascinating correlation, I know!

Don’t worry, this isn’t going to be a venting/ranting blog post (well, maybe a bit), because my life is seriously AMAZING and INSANELY BLESSED and LUCKY. I can’t believe how many dreams keep coming true, so much so that I feel I don’t deserve it and I really pulled the wool over everyone’s eyes… but I did want to at least be honest, because I owe that to myself.

Wow, where do I even begin? Well, how about we start with the reason I’m even a full-time indie game dev now: The First Tree. This small hobby project I worked on at night morphed into this gargantuan beast (or fox) that took over my life the past 5 years. Which is great! I’m living the dream! And yet, I really didn’t expect it to do as well as it did. At its core, my game is a slow-paced, sad walking simulator (ahem, I prefer the term “exploration game,” but you know what I mean) that somehow seemed to launch at the right time to the right audience. It resonated deeply with some of you, and for that I’m eternally grateful. I still get emails almost daily how my game changed their lives in some formative way. I’m beyond honored.

However, with that spotlight came criticism and demands from the ever-present, insatiable internet. I would randomly be surfing the gamedev subreddit trying to decompress, and I would see a comment by some rando saying how much I didn’t deserve my success, and how it was all one huge lucky fluke. And I believed them!

And to add to it, some devs considered me an indie marketing “guru”, which I was uncomfortable with. I worked hard to market my game every week, and after my GDC talk, people assumed marketing was my passion; the reason I got up every morning. Just to clarify… NO, I don’t like marketing, and I hate being the center of attention. I don’t like asking people for money and wishlists. But I did what was necessary because I was passionate about telling stories, and I wanted to give my story a fighting chance to be seen on the crowded pages of Steam.

So now, you’re probably wondering “well then David, why did you make fancy YouTube videos showing off your success? Not very modest if you ask me.” This honestly could be a long blog post all on its own, because my experience of putting myself in the spotlight and becoming a “content creator” is… complicated. It was an unusual step for me, especially since I never even showed my face online (as a game developer) until my GDC talk.

First off, I always wanted to teach and start a YouTube channel. I love video editing, especially since I’ve been doing it longer than making games! It’s a huge passion of mine. And teaching people who didn’t know they could make and finish games was a huge motivator (and it’s been so rewarding already). But the second reason is, I was scared. I was self-employed, and I was riding the success of a “huge lucky fluke” that would probably not happen again. I wanted to make sure I could provide for my amazing family, and give them food and health insurance and security in these tumultuous times. I was turning my lifelong passions and hobbies into a business, and it wasn’t as simple of a mental transition as I thought.

So, I went all in on YouTube and the accompanying online course called Game Dev Unlocked. I spent years editing the scripts and videos, and polishing them to a shine. At first, no one watched my videos, no one was buying… and in the blink of an eye, the YouTube algorithm picked up my main autobiographical video (“How Making Indie Games Changed My Life”), and I started getting 5,000 subscribers a day. Right now, I’m at 150,000 subs, which is still hard for me to believe. I always had a dream of earning 100k subs on YouTube, so I was pretty happy with the whole thing. Sales were OK, but mostly people didn’t want to buy the course. Then the emails came in…

Something you should know about me: I am a textbook “people pleaser,” and if someone asks for my help, I take it very seriously. If someone is mad at me, even if I didn’t do anything wrong, it’s all I can think about, and it ruins my day. So, taking an onslaught of people begging for help and multiplying that by an impossible amount of people for my brain to truly comprehend thanks to the internet… and let’s just say it wasn’t a healthy mix.

I received thousands of emails from people who were begging me for some kind of reassurance that everything would be OK. That their dreams would come true too. And I wanted to help every single one of them. I went from a nobody working on a game for fun to becoming a spokesperson for the indie game dream. I couldn’t even get a shake from the Chick-Fil-A drive-thru without someone recognizing me and asking for game dev advice. And it didn’t stop there… I would get emails from suicidal kids asking for help, teenagers from Afghanistan asking me to get them out of their country, and on one occasion I received an email from a hopeful game developer in a war-torn country who had just experienced a bomb blowing up their neighboring village. His friends were dead, and he was hoping he could finish a game before he died too, and he needed my help. How do you say no to something like that? Didn’t I owe it to everyone because I was lucky with my hit game and I needed to “pay it forward”? (Something people constantly reminded me of)

And then to top it off, after you’ve given everything you’ve got to other people in need… you get hate mail in your inbox. You spend the whole day serving your children and strangers on the internet, then when the kids are finally asleep, you hit the bed to relax and take a look at your phone to decompress, and you randomly come across an angry gamer in your Twitter mentions telling you your game they got for free sucks, and that you took away a potentially great game from them and that your apology isn’t good enough.

Long story short, I went to a mental therapist for the first time in my life. I was broken trying to care for two toddlers and a new baby in a pandemic (which is very, very hard), taking care of my course students who gave me their hard-earned money and demanded results, and the countless people begging for help on the internet. I was this introverted, internet-lurker trying to take on the weight of the world. I was so tired and hurt that no one cared about me and my needs… only what I could do for them.

Quitting my day job and making this hobby my full-time job has stirred up… mixed emotions. This statement may disturb some of you, but I was definitely 100% happier when I had a full-time job and I was working on my game at night. I missed working with the amazing team at The VOID, working on Star Wars… back when the success of my game was this abstract thing I could only daydream about. Mostly, I was making my game for me with no outside expectations to pay the bills or satisfy the ever-demanding internet, and that brought me a lot of joy.

It’s not all doom and gloom though! I’m actually very happy now and in the best shape I’ve been since the pandemic started. I’ve had to confront my weaknesses and personality quirks, but I’m a better person for it (and I’m sure these issues would’ve come out eventually). I hired an awesome community manager for Game Dev Unlocked who is helping SO MUCH with the emails, I can’t even tell you the mental burden it alleviates. I even leased a co-working office to help separate work from my home, and that’s been a huge help too. I’ve decided to work with my old friends from The VOID on a cool, new VR experience. It will take me away from my projects a bit, but I’m ecstatic to work with a great team again (and not manage anything, whew).

These are all things I would’ve never guessed I needed, because I thought I knew myself pretty well… turns out I didn’t.

The reality is: running a business is HARD. Running it solo is even harder. You have to remember, I was burnt out on The First Tree well into the Steam release in 2017, but I kept working on it for 4 more years due to my fears of failing again and not earning enough money for my family.

So, I was wrestling with the age-old concept of commercialism and art. There was this dichotomy of doing whatever I wanted and being true to my vision (what most people assume the indie dev dream is like), and doing only what customers wanted to buy. This is something that has killed me with YouTube… in one specific instance, I was super excited to make the exact video I wanted to make. I loved every part of its creation, and I thought it had a message that would inspire everyone. I lovingly edited it over several weeks, posted it, and excitedly waited for the stats… and it was by far my worst performing video.

This is not a new problem. Even the Sistine Chapel by Michelangelo was a commission forced upon him by the very violent Pope Julius II. My wife and I regularly talk about the fine balance between artistic integrity and commercialism, a problem she is very familiar with as an artist who constantly needs to balance what she wants to make with what the customer wants to hang up in their home.

For The First Tree, I was lucky. It was pretty much what I wanted to make (I had to compromise a lot of things of course), and it turned out millions of people wanted it too. Recently, I thought the safe business decision would be to do it all over again, so I started work on a spiritual successor to The First Tree (an idea that I may revisit one day since I do love the story idea). But that isn’t happening anytime soon. Trust me when I say I am now currently burnt out on animal exploration games.

So that realization left me with a question: what do I do next?

I’ve decided I need to make a game that I want to make, for me. It will be a bit different and I’m almost certain most fans of The First Tree will not love it… but it’s an idea that gets me super excited. It’s an idea that could help me fall in love with game development again.

A few more details: this game will be story-driven, first-person, and will use the Unreal Engine. That means development is gonna be slow going, because I have to learn a whole new tool. The “smart business” decision would be to make something quickly in Unity which I’m already familiar with… but I want to do this for me, and UE5 looks like a lot of fun. I’m also shooting for an early-ish release date so I avoid burn out and I keep the game short: I want to release it in Fall 2022, but knowing game development, it will probably take longer.

With the help of my therapist, I’ve also concluded that I’ve been too accessible on the internet and that my self-worth isn’t determined by the amount of people I try to help online. Of course, I love helping people and seeing them succeed, but I need to step back and focus on my family and myself. I will delete my social media apps on my phone (I will still post big updates occasionally) and stop responding to most emails, tweets, DMs, etc. It’s not that I’m ungrateful… in fact, if I don’t say thank you or at least acknowledge the incredibly nice people who share a sweet message about my game or want to tell me how I inspire them (still hard for me to believe, lol), I feel a ton of guilt… but I need to let that go. Please know I’m extremely grateful to all the fans who follow my work, so even if I don’t thank you directly, I truly mean it: thank you.

I will still post and stream occasionally on YouTube when I want to (and I still do live Q&A’s for my GDU students). The online course sales will help support my family as I work on a potentially risky game idea (and my new job will help alleviate the risk too). I’m gonna try one more marketing experiment and sell a mini-course soon (and add an Unreal section), and after that I’m done working on it. A gigantic thank you to the people who bought my course and are part of the amazing community, it has helped me and my family tremendously, and it’s inspiring seeing the games you make!

I’m a bit worried about the whole thing since this new game idea could flop, which could definitely affect my family. But a sappy, high-school yearbook quote is coming to mind…  I think it applies here: “A ship in harbor is safe—but that is not what ships are built for.”

Thanks for reading,

David