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#things words cannot explain
zurafuture · 10 months
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Damn the PCD has hit me hard. It had been way too long since I had been to a concert (thanks COVID). But there’s just nothing like the vibes from this community. Goodness I had missed it.
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umblrspectrum · 17 days
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go read Memento Nori and Like the Stars and What Friends Are For and just generally all of Ad Astra Per Aspera by LadyDaybreaker on ao3
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americasass-rogers · 11 months
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something something Ballister touching Nimona's glowing monster heart with his chopped off robot arm to calm her down something something cinematic parallels
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pedro-pascal · 4 months
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some food i had in vietnam
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chirpsythismorning · 1 year
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Something something baseball and dad's making their sons feel obligated to do 'normal' things. Something something Will having an older brother to look up to who encouraged him to be his true self, regardless of what his dad/bullies said. Something something Mike not having that…
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auau5n · 10 days
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my family is having a hard time understanding what feeling like a boy is/ what it means to be trans. they're supportive, but they can't understand what defines being a girl/boy/nonbinary, or feeling those ways. so! if you could put in the tags or comments what it means to be trans/cis to you and explain that to the best of your ability, that would help me a lot. also reblog for greater reach of course. thanks for the help guys :]
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mihrsuri · 15 days
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I keep trying to write an update and then being embarrassed about it and feeling like I’m trauma dumping on people by updating and I just..I know it’s on me to manage my crap, I know. I am trying (not very well but I’m trying) and it’s just…I don’t know. I don’t even know.
#please know i have thought about hospital but hospital would#genuinely make it worse (like I cannot even tell you how much worse)#i think I’m legitimately just…having a trauma reaction on top#of a jewish trauma spike#and dentists and having to move (I may have cleaned till I shook today also my arm#does not look great#i feel like i don’t actually verbally have the words#(i have tried not engaging i have tried engaging they both feel awful)#(hashem i don’t know would you even embrace me would you…)#(it’s not a meds thing (I take meds for mdd and I know what that looks like and this isn’t it)#(it’s hard to explain the difference between CPTSD and like a panic attack or a depression)#(except that I feel like I’m so so tainted and not in my body or if I’m in my body I’m in my body somewhere else#abuse cw#i didn’t ask for this cptsd and no tshirt was offered#this will disappear probably#UGH#(i am seeing my therapist tomorrow i just..i know i need to reach out to)#(to like my current landlords and ask if I could just pay for a cleaning service to come in)#(i know i need to be like ‘unfortunately my CPTSD is Fucking Terrible Right Now and I need)#(just a bit of grace apologies)#(i do not want my parents to know i do not want that)#(aside from the fact that I am already a burden to them anyway)#a stupid flop of a person i am crying thinking about how i had plans for kids and a wife and travel and…I’m nothing#(everyone else is something I’m not I don’t deserve grace lbr)#it keeps running through my head how many people i thought loved me want me dead#and it’s like I can fake it so well#(i don’t know I may be like sending words to people)#to run through the steps of not being alone#i’m truly sorry i am always not taking accountability and playing the victim and clinging to people#to get reassurance i don’t deserve that its a good person it isn’t it isn’t a person
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bunnihearted · 6 months
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hmm
#i just feel like i cant connect to anyone#i dont feel safe with anyone. ppl are so cold and callous#and in fact most ppl support and contribute to abuse & rape culture#and knowing that just makes me not feel safe or comfortable with them#thus i cant trust them w my experiences. i cant trust them at all tbh#+ i have a deeper connection w animals & nature and most ppl.. are so disconnected from those#i just dont feel.. ok with anyone#also the fact that i constantly have to mask. every interaction w ppl feels like a performance#everyone already has decided what they think others should be. and i dont fit into that. im none of it#so i feel sm like no one could understand me. and in turn i dont understand anyone either :/#it's making me feel so so so so fucking lonely#my world views and experiences and everything are things i just cannot ignore#i simply cant shut it off and be w ppl regardless#and i know i cant expect to meet ppl EXACTLY like me. but i just want some that are kinda similar#sigh all of this is so hard to even put into words. it feels like im not explaining this properly#i just look around me sometimes and feel so extremely alone bc i cant connect w anyone. i just dont understand ppl at all.#and i just wanna feel safe and comfortable#maybe what im saying is that someone world views and morals etc are important to me#i cant connect with someone who denies a genocide for example#bc that is so fundamentally against who i am and what i believe in#but it is so fkn rare i cant even come up w an example of me coming across someone similar to mtyself#idk.. just dont wanna be alone
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soldier-poet-king · 7 months
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'have you ever had a normal series of thoughts in your life?'
no. today a friend made a lighthearted remark in jest to lift my spirits and objectively i KNEW that and told them i appreciated it but also then went off on a long tangent about my inability to trust said jest at face value because im incapable of not taking everything both extremely literally and seriously, while also prying apart every single possible angle or connotation of the simplest sentences just in case i miss some significant moral or factual implication.
my kid brother had to ask everyone in the family pre-written survey questions as part of his homework last night which turned into a whole affair because i physically cannot answer with a simple agree/disagree/i dont know to each statement because they don't take into account xyz facts or they don't give enough information about the situation and various implications would change my answer drastically.
in other news, every single survey, diagnostic question, medical intake form, etc. is Literal Hell to me because the questions are not clear and specific enough for me to factor in every possibility and give a truthful answer and i can't just give the answer they want or that im 'supposed' to give because that wouldn't be the true answer! it would be lying! and there's no option to give a full 'well technically......' explanation of my answers!
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Weirdest thing about my rise to fame (/j) is easily the fact that my URL is so unmarketable ??
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itspileofgoodthings · 10 months
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I spent the last week mostly crying and healing old wounds and having revelations and also facing things I already knew on a bone-deep level but also I spent the last week reading Mark van Doren’s The Noble Voice and oh my gosh he’s so right the Aeneid really falls so much shorter of the Iliad and the Odyssey because Aeneas is a stand-in for history and the Weight of Rome not actually a real person.
#anyway I’m being cryptic so in the interest of being direct:#I went to visit the motherhouse of the order of Dominicans who taught me growing up#to see if it was right for me#(a decision that was a long time coming. a longgggggg time coming)#and I need things to settle and they have decidedly not yet because I cannot even explain the anxiety that this unlocked#but. because I do want to talk about it for a second#because there is nothing wrong with how I reach conclusions about things and I have to remind myself of that#I do not believe it is for me and I will most likely not enter#and the grief that unlocked has surprised me because it’s been a mental safety net for me for the last ten years#and underneath the pressure and pain (there was stuff that happened to me that should NOT have)#(in the form of people having decided opinions about my future and what it should be)#(another reason I had to go because it had gotten so tangled up and I was so bitter and hurt)#I have always loved this place so deeply#and I still do and being able to separate that from my present. To see that I could love it and to know that I don’t belong there#Has brought me peace (I think. the anxiety is still in high gear but I believe it’s peace underneath) and also waves of grief!!!!!#Anyway it was SO much and I am still reeling and also it was so good#One: because I was able to say that I had been hurt and it was wrong and then I was truly validated for that#Validated feels like a weak word#Because it was better#But the mistress of novices was so angry on my behalf#And tbh that wasn’t why I went. It couldn’t be. I had to have a reason that went deeper than that and that could stand alone#no matter the reception to my story (which I couldn’t predict)!#but it happened anyway and it was good#and then the other thing is this weird double-handed thing of having all this flood of intuitions and reasons and things falling into place#which my analytical brain LOVED and then God almost putting a hand on my shoulder and being like ‘it doesn’t matter’#Not as in: I was wrong#Because. I was RIGHT. But there’s a secret third thing#And the secret third thing was just (is just) God saying: come closer. Come closer to me.#Trust me more. No—MORE#And it just. Whew. This is a lot but it’s been a lot!!!! It’s been so much!!!!!!!!!
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scrumpylikesthings · 1 year
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I commissioned the absolutely stellar @beidak-art a little while back and I'm still not over how much joy this one gives me. I'm shaking. My little heart is racing. aaaaahhhh look at how beautiful _(:'3
He just opened up his commission form again and I cannot recommend enough!!!
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succulentcucumber · 1 year
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I'm just really happy that the season ended on a happy tone. I was expecting a heart-wrenching episode and it kinda is but in a good way. It made me cry in relief, in comfort, in wonder of the Earth, of inevitable thing happening but that's okay, that sometimes, we don't have to be scared of what's in store of the future. Although it's okay to worry about the future, we also need to appreciate the present, the people who are in here with us before our memories become history, and even of they do, we should not forget about them. Also, it encapsulates the regret of having done something bad to your friend or someone you care about. The regret and the absolute relief of being forgiven, and being able to be forgiven in the first place.
This episode really gets to me in a way, as if it was made to fit inside my mess of a heart and make me cry. It had my fears of the future and being stuck in the past, the thought of hurting someone I care about, and just Earth stuff in general. The joy of existence, of being loved and comforted. Also, dinosaurs and prehistoric times is a topic I am always excited to learn new things about. (except the fate of the dinosaurs, that was really sad)
Ryan and the professor also needed rest, to be able to see each other again. The dread of not being able to say sorry to your friend is fucking excruciating, and I am really glad they made it. Fucking ecstatic that the dino parents are alive. They get to meet Ryan and vice versa. The most important things in the professor's life just meeting each other. I hope we see more of them and I really hope things stay happy for them for a while.
I am so thankful for this show. Makes learning so much fun and it covers topics that aren't really much known to everyone, and it makes me curious every time. I am thankful for everyone involved, directly or not, because without them, we would not be able to see this masterpiece of a show. I am thankful for watcher, for doing everything they do. Thank you so much. You have no idea how much this matters to me. Thank you Shane Madej, for willing this whole show to life.
Also puppet history saw me slipping out of the fandom and said "that's bullshit" before tossing me back again like Ryan defenestrated the subsitute
The editing is fucking awesome by the way. Good job.
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rosemirmir · 7 months
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Babygirl I missed you so much
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anulithots · 6 months
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*dawning realization that I write too much. I say too much. I need to share my wonders and I don't know how to say it without too many words. Making the essence of those words muddled and inaccessible just because of their complexity and length. But I do not know how to convey it any other way. Words are not enough and they will never be*
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von-karmas-a-bitch · 7 months
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i genuinely admire how much you can talk in the tags of your reblogs. they're really entertaining to read, how do you get so many Thoughts in your mind and manage to word them
gjdkghkshgjsh thank you
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also the answer to your question as to how i do it is that i am extremely autistic about these characters and can't NOT think about and scream about them in the tags bc i am obsessed to a genuinely unhinged degree 🩵
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