#I will never be able to properly explain to you my wonders because you cannot feel what I feel

[anulithots]

*dawning realization that I write too much. I say too much. I need to share my wonders and I don't know how to say it without too many words. Making the essence of those words muddled and inaccessible just because of their complexity and length. But I do not know how to convey it any other way. Words are not enough and they will never be*

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

*SaB season 2 spoilers! (I think mostly episode 5/6 onwards)*

Let’s talk about the hallucinations that Tolya, Kaz, Jesper, and Inej experienced when they were breathing in the poisonous/toxic gas. It was watching this scene that made me realise I was going to need to take notes if I wanted to convey my thoughts properly to you guys, so rest assured I have a lot to say.

It would seem at first that Jesper and Inej are experiencing things they desire, whilst Kaz and Tolya are being forged through their greatest fears, and I’ve seen a lot of people mentioning this. However, Jesper’s longing for his mother ultimately culminates in more pain for him, both in losing her and in the parts of himself that he’s been burying in her absence. He uses the experience to overcome his repression because he’s in a stable enough position (in terms of his emotional state relating to his mother’s death not his gambling addiction) to start healing, but that doesn’t mean mean that the experience isn’t still deeply painful for him. In a similar way, Inej’s hallucination shows her something that she cannot experience - not just because of Kaz’s pain but because of her own as well. When I fist watched it the hallucination bothered me a little, because although she internally expresses a desire to be with Kaz in the books, it is not something she physically wished for. However, the more I think about it the more I understand that this was necessary because it was absolutely the reason that she was the first of them to ‘wake up’, as it were, and acknowledge that the visions weren’t real. As much as she theoretically wishes for a relationship with Kaz, her desires are not only for him but more so to one day be capable of having a relationship at all. If the hallucination had shown her family or memories of her childhood like Jesper then it would have fooled her far more easily because she is prepared to want them and to want to go home. She is not prepared to want Kaz. When I initially made my notes about this I wrote about the “I will have you without your armour” scene in the books, not knowing that we would get to see it later on. In the books, Inej reflects on this conversation afterwards and wonders how she would have felt if Kaz had responded like she thought she wanted him to. Like him, she has a fear of physical contact - she describes flinching when Nina and Jesper hug her, and closes in on herself when Heleen touches her - but instead of protecting herself from contact like Kaz she forces herself through it in hopes of improving. Her fear of contact is less severe than his, in part because she feared reaching the point that he has where any future of touch seems impossible, and in part because her fear is not of touch alone but the impact that sexual contact will have on her state of mind. She wonders whether, had Kaz ‘taken her’ in that moment, she would have been able to reciprocate any kind of connection or if she would have shut down and become “a doll in his arms” as she was forced to do for survival at the Menagerie. If that happened, she would not only feel fractured and betrayed because of her mental state, but she would also never be able to see Kaz in the same way again; her would become aligned with every horror she experienced and all the pain she went through. Her pain is still to fresh; in the books she was only a year or two out of the Menagerie and I think we can assume it to be less in the show since Heleen still holds her contracts. Until she’s had time to heal she cannot possibly enter a relationship of this nature because it has the power to break her. There’s a tragically beautiful line in the books that I think described this really well when she says “And what was she supposed to do? Find a nice husband, have his children, then sharpen her knives whilst they slept? How would she explain the nightmares she still had?” It’s a heartbreaking line, but it also more than proves that she has not yet reached a place of healing because she cannot imagine being able to explain her experiences to the person she’d spend the rest of her life with. With this context, I think the most important part of her hallucination is that Kaz asks for permission before he touches her, but unfortunately I don’t think there is enough emphasis on her backstory to make this clear in the show.

I think that Inej and Jesper’s hallucinations appearing to be more about longing but ultimately being painful and Tolya and Kaz’s to be more about fear tells us a lot about their characters. If I had to group them as optimists and pessimists, I’d have probably called Jesper and Tolya the optimists and Kaz and Inej the pessimists, but I think this scene is telling me exactly why I was wrong. Starting with the pessimistic visions: Tolya is drip fed im his greatest fear whilst Kaz is forced into it immediately, and I think this is because Tolya is less pessimistic than Kaz but struggling to find his way to optimism. His vision takes place on the Volkvony/Hummingbird, making him feel endangered somewhere that he should feel safe and at home to kill his longing for optimism, and he finds Tamar slowly because he is trying to push away the thought of losing his sister but it just keeps coming back. I also think that arguably his greatest fear is not just her death, but somehow causing it. And then for the optimists: Inej’s vision differs from Jesper’s because she is finding it so difficult to remain the optimistic child she used to be. If she were still who she once was, she would have seen her parents or her brother, but instead she sees Kaz because her life has been narrowed from travelling through Ravka (and I think North Shu Han but I’m not sure?) to the limits and confines of Ketterdam alone, until the city has become her whole world. She is clinging desperately to the edge of this optimistic outlook, a child with no knowledge of how cruel the world can be, but the hallucination almost taunts her by showing her something she could be optimistic about if she wanted to but ultimately knows is unattainable, at least right now. Jesper’s is arguably very similar, which I think highlights how similar they are both on the family-oriented childhoods they both lost very suddenly and the way their personalities were shaped because of it, but his is overall more positive because he is closer to being able to heal from the loss of his mother than Inej is the loss of her innocence.

This is so long I’m so sorry I only just realised, if you read this far thank you very much I hope it was interesting enough for the effort

[happilyhertale]

Long Last Love - Aemond Targaryen x female!reader, Part 8

Summary: You are finally engaged to Aemond Targaryen. As the daughter of Daemon and Rhaenyra, you will now live in King's Landing and no longer on Dragonstone. Your marriage to Aemond is imminent, as is your life together. The relationship between Aemond and your family has never been particularly easy, but the future will show whether your love will withstand this and subsequent tensions.

Pairing: Aemond Targaryen x fem!reader

Warnings: In some parts Smut (uncle/niece) as well as violence

Author’s note: Hey you (:

This is the follow-up story to "Long Lost Love".

The story starts just before the wedding of Aemond and y/n and goes over the events of the first season hotd. However, the events are not quite similar to those in the series. English is my second language, please forgive me if I made any mistakes (: Word count: 3.7k

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15

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Your family soon left King's Landing and returned to Dragonstone. At the farewell, your father was tempted to take Alyssa with him, but you declined gratefully and held her gently against you. Since then, Aemond and you have devoted yourself entirely to being parents. You are completely fixated on Alyssa, she has become the centre of your world. As the first few moons passed, you spent a lot of time being shown by the midwives how to breastfeed and bathe Alyssa properly. Aemond was always by your side. He was almost afraid to miss even a second that is important in Alyssa's life. Even though you assured him that he wouldn't miss much if you breastfed or diapered Alyssa, he was present most of the time.

But now Aemond has taken on more royal duties again. In the beginning he took a little time off from all the responsibilities to be with you and Alyssa, but now he has taken on more work again. He feels guilty because every time he leaves you and Alyssa in your chambers, he feels like he could miss important moments.

But an important moment for him came since Alyssa was able to eat porridge, because now Aemond doesn't feel quite so useless by your side. As soon as he meets you for dinner, he takes Alyssa from you and puts her on his lap. He tries to feed her the porridge and listens intently to her babbling. Eventually, the porridge ends up everywhere but in Alyssa's mouth. But Aemond and Alyssa are happy and so are you.

Aemond is just a wonderful father to his daughter. You would never have doubted that he would be a good father, yet it makes you indescribably happy to see the two of them together. You love that side of him. Every time you see him taking care of Alyssa, you feel an almost unbearable surge of love inside you. He is loving and caring. Just as he makes you feel loved and secure, he also makes Alyssa feel equally valued.

Since you both take care of Alyssa, she is rarely at the nursery. Either you are with her or Aemond is with her. Sometimes you even manage to both be with her. Alyssa is a quiet but bright child. She sleeps well at night and is all the more active during the day. Happy giggles constantly echo through the chambers, because Alyssa loves to make high-pitched sounds. But she also seems smart. She often sits on Aemond's lap while he reads. As she does so, she watches his face closely, as if not wanting to miss a facial expression, and she even seems to understand that his attention is on the book in front of him. She tolerates this only to a certain extent, because she wants him to give her his full attention. Since she cannot yet communicate with words to get his undivided attention, she then often pulls at his soft hair. Aemond then cries out briefly and tries to remove her little fingers from his hair. He follows this up by holding her little hands and tries to explain to her each time that it is not proper to pull someone's hair, but he cannot stay angry with her for long. As soon as he looks into her big purple eyes, he can't help but cuddle her mercilessly so that her happy laughter resounds through your chambers again.

But she only pulls Aemond's hair, she seems to know that she can only allow herself to do that with him. With you she is somehow more tender. If you hold her and she notices that your attention is focused on something else for too long, she starts to look at you insistently. Sometimes she also starts to snort. This is a trait she has often observed in you and has been trying to imitate ever since. But if you still don't look at her, she puts her little hand gently on your cheek and waits until you turn towards her. Then, when you turn back to her, a little smiling face awaits you.

But what fascinates her almost the most is when one of you speaks High Valyrian with her. The sound of the language fascinates her so much that she even interrupts a tantrum just to listen to the language she does not yet understand.

Despite these countless beautiful moments you experience, one thing falls by the wayside. And that is your time together with Aemond. You don't want to complain and you were aware that all attention is focused on Alyssa in the first time, but you miss Aemond so dearly. Even when you make up your mind to spend some time with Aemond in the evening, you usually just fall asleep because your strength is simply drained.

One afternoon you meet Helaena to walk around the garden. You still often sit together with the children, but today you simply have time for two, while Aemond looks after Alyssa.

After wandering around for a few hours, you head back to your chambers. Already in the corridor, you hear giggling coming from the chambers.

Quietly you open the door and see Aemond sitting on a chair, Alyssa on his lap.

"Watch out Alyssa! You need to get better control of your dragon!!! You are in a nosedive!!!"

Alyssa, who certainly doesn't understand what her father is saying, squeals overjoyed as Aemond lowers his knee, on which Alyssa is sitting. When Aemond looks up and sees you, he grins, "Shall we show Momma how well we can ride the dragon?"

Again Alyssa squeals happily. You can only grin as Aemond stands up and lifts Alyssa high into the air. With one hand on Alyssa's chest and the other hand on her knees, Aemond levitates Alyssa through the air and comes up to you, "Look Momma! I'm almost as good a dragon rider as Poppa!", you hear Aemond say in a high-pitched voice.

Aemond stops in front of you and holds Alyssa in front of your face. You kiss her and take her in your arms. Aemond stands beside you, smiling, as you hold Alyssa in your arms.

"Did you have a good time?"

Aemond nods at you, " We have been practising our dragon riding."

You chuckle, "Well, I've noticed that."

"And you? What does my sister have to report?"

"We did indeed have a good time. Although she informed me that your mother is planning to celebrate Aegon's next name day."

Aemond's eyebrows furrow, "Another big celebration..."

You nod.

When Aemond attends a council meeting that same evening, he also learns that Aegon's name day is to be celebrated with a ball. The invitations are quickly sent out to the country, because the ball is to take place just two weeks later.

You are delighted when your family's reply arrives a few days later. But your mood is quickly dampened when you read that only your father and Jace will be attending. Your mother is already half pregnant, but is struggling with problems.

But you are still looking forward to seeing your father and brother.

The preparations for the ball are in full swing and more and more guests are arriving. Aemond has also spent less time in your chambers in the last two weeks. He usually came to sleep in your chambers late at night and this only reinforces the feeling in you that you miss him very deeply.

Aegon's name day is only one day away. You make your way to the Dragonpit with Alyssa in your arms as the shouts get louder that dragons are flying over King's Landing. So your father and Jace must arrive on Caraxes and Vermax.

As you arrive, you can already see your father coming out of the Dragonpit. He can't suppress his grin when he sees Alyssa on your arm.

"My littlest dragon," he murmurs as he takes Alyssa from your arm and hugs her tightly.

You smile and kiss your father's cheek. Jace comes towards you and is already grinning. When you notice him, you go to meet him and cannot suppress a grin either. You hug each other tightly.

"We really see each other too rarely," Jace chimes in.

You smile, "I suppose that will change when Mother is on the throne?"

"Possibly," he smiles too.

Behind you, you hear a happy squeal and as you turn around, you see Daemon completely enthralled by little Alyssa.

Daemon's huge hand is on Alyssa's belly, tickling her. Alyssa is squirming in his arm, but Daemon has her firmly in his arms.

You look at him smiling as you walk towards the two of them. Daemon notices and has to smile too, "You loved that as a baby. You always wanted to be on my arm and I always had to tickle you. If I dared to stop, you'd grab my hand and put it back on your tummy promptly."

Seeing your father fooling around with Alyssa like that, you suddenly feel the urge to hug your father. You take a step towards him and bury your face in his chest, murmuring a, "I missed you Daddy..." into his chest.

Daemon gently kisses your head.

Alyssa reaches out to you when she notices that your hair is within her reach. She loves your hair, just as she loves Aemond's hair. Soon, long silver strands will cover her head as well. Slowly she begins to stroke your hair as you turn your face to her and smile. She giggles softly as she lets strands of your hair slip through her little fingers. You gently caress her cheek as you stand up straight again, noticing that Daemon has been watching you all the while, smiling. "Shall we go to the Keep?" you finally hear him ask and you smile at him. Gradually you make your way to the Keep, Alyssa still on Daemon's arm as he refuses to hand Alyssa back to you.

You take Daemon and Jace to their chambers, once there, you take Alyssa in your arms again and give them time to arrive. Slowly you walk back to your chambers with Alyssa. With regular stops, because Alyssa has to look closely at the paintings in the corridors.

Late in the evening, Aemond comes to your chambers. It is rare that you are still awake when Aemond returns to your chambers so late.

He stops just before the cradle in which Alyssa is lying and sleeping. He smiles and leans down briefly to kiss her. You watch him as you lie on the bed, actually reading a book. You are wearing only a nightgown. He turns in your direction and slowly approaches your bed. He smiles at you, "My beautiful wife," he murmurs. You have to grin and sit up on your knees.

"Tell me about your day," you ask him gently.

He smiles and slowly takes off his leather waistcoat, "Do you really want me to bore you with this?"

You nod at him, still smiling, and watch as he slowly undresses. He overlooks your glance, but you feel the familiar warmth slowly spreading through your loins. Despite the vest he wears, you can see how well-toned his body is, and you become painfully aware again of how much you miss his touch.

"I met your father. He even talked to me. I think there's a good chance we'll have a normal relationship at some point. Well, at least if it's limited to a hello and goodbye."

You have to chuckle as you listen to him, "Would you like to have a good relationship with my father that much?" you reach for his hand and want to pull him onto the bed.

Aemond shrugs his shoulders and sits down with his knee on the bed when he has accepted your inviting hand. He still doesn't seem to have noticed the way you look at him. Lost in thought, he slowly takes off his shirt.

"I don't know, I think it's enough if we don't hate each other."

You slide a little closer to him and slowly press tender kisses to his bare chest, feeling his warmth flood your body, "He doesn't hate you.... He may not like you very much, but he doesn't hate you either," you murmur against his chest.

Aemond puts his arms around your body and looks up into the air. Lost in thought, his purple eye fixes on a point in the distance. You look at him and his perfect face. Far too rarely do you just look at him. You bite your lip as you admire his beautiful jawline and full lips. His lovely, seductive, almost irresistible lips. Just as you are about to kiss his lips, Alyssa begins to cry out. Aemond turns his face towards the cradle, "Oh, my little dragon girl! Don't worry, I'll go to her," Aemond releases the embrace and gets up from the bed.

You sit stunned on the bed and stare at him for a moment. "Are you serious now?" it slips out of your mouth.

Aemond turns to you, "Do you want to go to her? I thought I'd take some of the work off your hands."

You shake your head, "No it's fine. You can go."

You drop back onto the bed and look up at the ceiling. In the back of your chambers you hear Aemond trying to calm Alyssa with "Ssshh" sounds and phrases like, Ñuha zaldrītsos riña. Mirre iksis sȳrī, poppa iksis kesīr sir (My little dragon girl.... all is well, Poppa is here now).

You guess this is what your life looks like now. You have an irresistible husband you long for, but he is busy attending important council meetings, calming your daughter and the thought of whether your father likes him or not. A little annoyed, you get under the covers and try to get some sleep.

Aemond feels a little guilty. The new royal duties have kept him from helping you with Alyssa for a while. So he at least wants to give you a hand in the evening hours. After a while, Aemond has managed to calm Alyssa down. She lies back in her cradle, next to her dragon egg and breathes gently. Aemond smiles down at her and then quietly turns in your direction and walks towards your bed. He sees you nestled in the covers, appearing to be asleep, his smile still on his lips. Slowly he slips under the covers and takes you in his arms.

Alyssa's cries wake you up the next morning. You sit up, your eyes still half closed, and try to take in your surroundings. The other half of the bed is already empty and not even warm anymore, Aemond must already be on the training yard. Another point you long for, just waking up in his arms. Nevertheless, you have to take care of your daughter now, so you slowly let yourself slide out of your bed.

You go to the cradle and take Alyssa out, "Ssshhh" and you cradle her in your arms. "Skoro syt issi ao crying hae bona, mmhm?" (Why are you crying like that, mmhm?) Alyssa continues crying at the top of her lungs, "Gaomagon ao miss aōha poppa hae sȳrī?" (Do you miss your Poppa as well?)

But as you hold her up, you realise the real reason for her bleating, "Mhmm I think there's another reason for your bleating!" You carry her into the bathroom where you change her nappies.

After you have washed and fed her, lay her down on your bed. With one eye, watch her try to hide under your pillows and blankets while you quickly get dressed.

As you take her in your arms again, she snuggles up to you and you head into the hall for breakfast. Everyone else is already gathered when you enter the hall. But this time you do not sit down at Helaena's side for breakfast, but take your old place at your father's side. You kiss him gently on the cheek and murmur "Good morning".

Your father grins at you, "You find old habits hard to break, don't you?"

You smile, "As long as I'm your daughter, I won't stop." Alyssa squeals as she realises her grandsire is sitting next to her.

Daemon happily takes her in his arms so you can eat breakfast. As Daemon suddenly reaches under his waistcoat, "Look what I've brought you."

Daemon holds out a wooden figure to Alyssa. A dragon with its wings spread wide and looking as if it could fly off at any moment.

Alyssa accepts the dragon and seems to look at it with interest at first. Excitedly, her gaze goes back and forth between you and Daemon. Daemon nods encouragingly at her and this is what she seems to have been waiting for. Now she keeps hitting the dragon on the table, as she seems to find the sounds much more interesting.

You don't see Aemond during the day, he is busy as always with council meetings. Why even today, on Aegon's name day, there are still meetings is a mystery to you. You take Alyssa to the nursery in the afternoon. Jaehaerys and Jaehaera will also be there. They love Alyssa and have been looking forward to Alyssa being at the nursery with them all day and even spending the night there with them.

After you are sure that Alyssa is comfortable in the nursery, you go to your chambers to prepare for the evening.

You first take a bath and then spread a pleasantly scented lavender oil on your body. For the first time in a long while, you braid your hair back at the temples and let it fall down your back.

Gradually you fit into your dresses again and choose one of your favourite dresses. It shimmers in a dark purple and gently brings out the colour of your eyes. Aemond loves this dress on you.

Just as you finish and put on your necklace, Aemond comes in. He smiles when he sees you and comes towards you. "You look stunning," he lets his tongue trail his lips barely noticeably as his gaze falls on your cleavage.

You smile at him and let your hand wander to his collar, "Does this perhaps mean that my dear husband will be dancing with me tonight?"

He chuckles briefly, "I think that rather tempts me to do other things"

Your lips are slightly parted and your faces slowly approach each other. You feel his warm breath against your lips as a knock sounds at the door. Angrily you groan, "What is it?"

"It's time, we want to be in the hall on time," you hear Jace's voice.

You close your eyes and hear Aemond chuckle. He gives you a light kiss on the lips and then goes to the door to open it.

Your brother and father are standing in the doorway, smiling at you.

"Shall we go?" you hear Jace ask. You nod.

Aemond is waiting for you at the door and holds out his arm. You accept his invitation and head for the Great Hall.

Alicent has once again outdone herself in the planning. As you enter the Great Hall it is festively decorated. Several tables are ready for the guests to dine and drink.

Aemond leads you to the head table and you sit down. Daemon and Jace sit at your side for tonight. Shortly afterwards, your grandsire is carried in. You are taken by how badly he is feeling. Aemond notices your distress and gently strokes your thigh. Your gaze wanders back into the hall. You are a little surprised at how many lords and ladies have come to the capital for Aegon's name day. You are also surprised at how many ladies are present. It seems almost sadly strange to you that on Aegon's name day, it is predominantly ladies who are present.

The celebrations begin and you are looking forward to the wine. It's been far too long since you drank wine in the evening. The hall quickly fills with loud music as well as conversations and laughter, which they try to drown out. You get more and more into the right mood to celebrate Aegon's name day, and at the same time your thirst for more wine increases. The wine tastes just as good as it did before you were pregnant. You are enjoying the fruity taste on your tongue when Aemond gives you an amused look. "Do you want to compete with Aegon today?" he whispers in your ear. You just stick your tongue out at him. Jace quickly leaves your side of the table and joins the crowd. That's what you love about Jace, that he's always up for a good party.

Your father also stands up after lovingly stroking your arm.

Aemond's hand is still on your thigh, gently you take his hand and caress it. You want to try your luck, "You know. We haven't had much time together lately... would you dance with me?", you look at him through your long lashes.

Aemond raises his eyebrow, "I don't think that's going to happen."

You pout, "Please Aemond, just one dance. To feel you close for just one dance..."

He smiles and shakes his head, "You can't tease me with that. I can take you in my arms anytime. I don't have to dance with you for that."

"But you don't," you murmur.

"Mmhmm?" he looks at you.

"Are you going to sit here all evening and not even dance with me?"

Aemond looks at you a little irritated, "Yes...?"

"Then you don't have a problem with me going out into the crowd where there are many willing lords who I'm sure would love to dance?"

He simply extends his hand towards the crowd to signal that you are welcome to go and dance. Indignantly, you look at him, "Don't you stop trying to woo me just because you married me, Aemond!"

Angrily, you throw your napkin into his lap and stand up. You leave a visibly irritated Aemond behind as you make your way into the celebrating crowd.

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[neverchecking]

I have so many thoughts about Sweet but Psycho au, which btw I absolutely love that name 🩵 this ask definitely won’t be as long as my last one, I haven’t nearly thought about this as much as the last one, but I’ve had thoughts about this idea in particular, and after reading the ask about Ganon, it fed even more into my thoughts for this one in particular, but I always wondered, how do you think the chain would react to reader that’s actually a goddess? Particularly a reader that doesn’t know she’s a goddess, but maybe only finds out after she’s activated her powers after saving one or multiple of her boys— unlike a certain someone who shall not be named

But also I think it would be interesting if reader’s powers could be used in a way that she could integrate them whenever she praised them for a job well done ✨ maybe it leaves them feeling a nice warmth inside, maybe it can help them relax and takes all their stress away, there’s lots of ways to play with this, and I haven’t properly thought out this idea, so honestly you’re completely free to have fun with it ^u^

Can you tell I have a healthy dislike over Zelda and Hylia? Cause I do ✨ if they won’t appreciate and love the chain, I will project onto y/n cause the boys deserve so much better

— 🫐 anon

🫐anon! Welcome back! We've got a second so the Sadistic! Reader Au is now officially dubbed the 'Sweet but Psycho AU'!

OOOOH you've given me some ideasss.

Like imagine Reader as the Goddess of the Heroes, meant to be an oracle of sorts to the Holder of the Triforce of Courage (Because they obviously cannot trust Hylia to protect them-). So she has this...supernatural link to each of her boys. Only recently, maybe on Sage's journey, is she given a mortal form? Kind of like Hylia but...Better.

And they are just smitten. To know this absolutely divine being has seen them, their deeds, their soul and has deemed them worthy. And when they found out she's an actual celestial being? Perhaps their cornered by a mob of monsters that just keeps going, reader being kept protectively behind them? And then one is struck, and Reader is trying to get to them, but oh no, they start falling like dominos because when one weak point is exposed, it'll get exploited. And, oh does it get exploited. At that point, Reader is just so overwhelmed and her boys are all hurt and the monsters are going to kill them and- She probably calls upon some divine power that wipes them out easily. It leaves her drained, but awake enough to care for the boys. The ones still conscious and stable are left in awe, quickly explaining everything to the others once they're awoken.

Just knowing that their Goddess saved them, even when she didn't have to (She could've run with the monsters preoccupied with them), drives them so much further into their devotion. They could name another Goddess born in their lives, but she would never dream of doing the same for a number of reasons (They had a kingdom to run, who else would carry the Goddess' blood, their a knight and should be able to handle this-). But you did it without hesitation.

FJFJFJ IMAGINE that by saving them, this creates a soul bond between her and each Link. One that the praise makes sing in glory. It makes their nerves settle and wounds just ache less, helps them sleep better, clears their skin, opens their pores- those lost two were jokes, but you get the jist.

I also have a healthy dislike of Hylia and certain Zeldas (Flora, Fauna, Natura. Looking at you three >:(). I kinda wanna bash on them more but I feel like thats mean :(

[satancopilotsmytardis]

I finally got around to reading chapter two of Prince's Consort!

I really enjoy how you write Dabi's religious guilt in this one. At least for the other sins, indulging in them is something he needs to convince himself to do. At least those he actually knows from when he was a human. But lust is such a new concept to him, something so new and overpowering that it scares him. I really like how conflicted he is on everything.

Shigaraki is so patient with him (as patient as he can afford to be, as the prince of wrath). Is the situation good? No, not at all. But they really are making something out of it (i would say "making the best out of it" but that might be a lie).

"Little one" makes an appearance again! (It's kinda ridiculous how much attention I pay to if this is used since the alien fic).

I wonder where Shigaraki lets out his wrath? Because he makes an effort to not let it out on Dabi, despite being able to. Sure, he indulges, but not as badly as how he has shown to be able to. Hmmmm.

"He had never been held by anyone in his life." Dabi, everything I learn about your life as a human just makes me sad. And I think hating the church is a very understandable reaction, actually.

Okay, but Shigaraki calling Dabi's cold baths beyond sin is very funny actually.

Love love love the worldbuilding with Everlasting. I don't think Dabi actually believes he'd have a chance of staying there, even at this point, but it would be nice to be able to see his family again, wouldn't it. Oh well, guess he has to help Shigaraki overthrow the King and then see if there is a way. (This is a joke, I know the story isn't about that, lol)

"Shigaraki has, apparently, decided that he has also earned 'pretty'" Okay, but he thinks that of Dabi in every story. Dabi is just a very pretty guy.

I really like how much worldbuilding goes into this! Shigaraki has hurt more demons than mortals but he has caused a lot of harm in general and yet he's also so soft? I love the festival, and how you explain everything and ahhhh. Very nice.

So so much culture in this one!

Ooh, I think that Dabi and Shigaraki's shades appeared in the hall, didn't they? And Toga was kind of expecting it, that's why she immediately came running. I can't wait for Dabi to meet all of them for real.

"You look lovely like this." "Drunk?" "Smiling." My heart can't take this. How can they be so cute in a situation like this??

They're both drunk (though Dabi more so) and Shigaraki still waits for Dabi to tell him he wants him to fuck him and when he doesn't, he doesn't fuck him on his dick. It's just. I mean, it's the most basic form of respect but the fact that it's there is very nice.

Yay! I'm so glad that you enjoyed it!!

Dabi is so conflicted in this one, constantly struggling with the fact he knows he needs to turn if he wants to get his revenge, but having his own very strong ties to the church and religion he's believed in his entire life. It makes it so hard for him to just give in and dealing with the lust only makes it even worse!

Shig really is trying to make this and easier transition for Dabi, which is extremely out of the norm for demons, though Dabi isn't aware of this yet (and why Shigaraki is doing that may be something we explore later 👀). But yeah, they're just sort of figuring it out as best they can

"Little one" is now on my list of favorite pet names and I cannot be stopped!

We are going to see where Shig let's loose in later chapters, so look forward to that!!

Dabi's life fucking sucked, most people's lives fucking suck if they dedicate themselves to the church. My inspiration was to create a very puritanical culture where the church literally has magic to stop people from enjoying things and oh boy was it working to plan

Toga was definitely expecting them to make am appearance and they did indeed as shades themselves in the great hall! I'm excited for Dabi to me the rest of them properly!

They are still cute because I can't help myself! Tho Shig wasn't drunk at all during that scene, some fun world building that Dabi won't become aware of until after his transition is that demons can only get intoxicated by indulging too heavily in their sin when they have their aspect, Shig drinks for the taste, which is why there's always a variety of alcohol for him at meals!

Thank you so much for commenting and I can't wait to share future chapters!

[the-nameless-juan]

So guess what just came in the mail today! (Err well not technically today as I was out of country but y’all know what I mean!)

That’s my copy of the 2nd edition Oracle Dice by @publishinggoblin, as you might know by my posts I am a big fan of Tarot and tarot adjacent practices but I also a big fan of the first oracle dice which I got as an add-on in one @publishinggoblin’s previous crowdfunding campaigns (believe it was for The Narmol Tarot 2nd Edition) which I absolutely adored. Haven’t really posted it much about it mostly because it more than an other form divination seems to almost gleefully cut to the heart of things and hit nothing but nerves, but not in a bad way? Honestly don’t know how to explain it, it’s just the reading we’re always intensely personal and raw, so I never felt comfortable posting about my readings with them.

Anyways, when this 2nd edition was announced I backed it almost immediately at the Etched in Stone tier, to get those fancy dice made of, you probably guessed it stone. So I’ve decided to do this rambling review first impression thing for… well anyone who wants it!

First a look at the mat

The very that jumps out at me is what an improvement it is over the first one! Not to say the first mat is bad, the things takes center stage of my tarot reading and in fact has shaped it radically I love it to bits but the design of this new mat is just 💋.

Plus the texture is just fantastic, has that fantastic smooth silky thing going that I just love to glide my hand along.

And then there is the second side, while the loss of the rubber bottom to prevent slippage is regrettable this second reading space is wonderful. I haven’t even cracked open the guide to see the traditional use and interpretations but I am already feeling inspired. I cannot wait to get started, and I have a distinct feeling this may well be taking over as the centerpiece of my divination practice going forward.

Now then, onto what is probably the main event, the Dice

Ahhhhhh they’re so preety 😍 As a reminder these are the fancier Etched in Stone tier dice, each is made of a different stone and the faces are all etched in and inked and look absolutely stunning in person. Just holding them is a treat and the noise they make when you shakey-shakey them in preparation for a throw is fantastic. I fear now that I have experienced non-plastic dice I will never be able to go back, I have yet to even properly cast them but I love them already.

But wait, there’s more!

There were two Oracle decks on offer so of course I had to get both.

On the right we got the Dice Face Oracle which turn each dice face into its own individual card along with a guide to reading them as cards, but also encourages you to read them as their dice versions meaning you have options when performing readings and I love that shit, there is nothing that I love more than a reading that evolves and shifts the more you stare and stew on it. Also every one of the dice face icons are excellently designed and having them in a bigger blown up form is wonderful.

On the left we got the 22 card Lords of Oracle deck. Each of the dice has its own lord who is an embodiment of their die with their own lore and my god I love this art! I can absolutely see myself pulling one of these cards and having on of these lords color a reading in a completely new light, the potential is just breathtaking.

And last but certainly not least, the tomes.

I haven’t had a chance to truly sit down and read the guide, but from a quick skimming it is still written in the same easy to understand way as the 1st edition. The first edition was a fantastic guide to a admittedly complex divination practice and as long as this second edition continues that with the new dice it is a welcome edition to the books I reference on the regular, plus having page size version of the Lords of Oracle art is just wonderful.

The reading journal is a fantastically designed tool especially for those beginning with these dice. I would have loved something like this for when I started with the first edition as it was a tad bit overwhelming with it’s… everything. I will most certainly be making use of it

Righto, that’s my first impressions/ review of the Oracle Dice 2nd edition done. Will be trying a few reading when I have a chance and will hopefully remember to talk about is here! So if you got any questions or if I forget to talk about the reading experience feel free to textually yell about it here or in my ask box, see y’all!

[truly-morgan]

[Kinktober 2021: Breeding (18+)]

MoShang | Scum Villain Self-Saving system 08-10-2021

Day 8: [Breeding] / B̷o̷d̷y̷ ̷M̷o̷d̷i̷f̷i̷c̷a̷t̷i̷o̷n̷ / S̷e̷n̷s̷o̷r̷y̷ ̷D̷e̷p̷r̷i̷v̷a̷t̷i̷o̷n̷

Shang Qinghua stumbles on a wife plot who temporarily changes his body to make him able to have children. They end up taking good advantage of that curse.

====

Shang Qinghua had lost count of how many times he had gone to his cucumber bro for some help with the plot he forgot about himself. The man was truly a walking encyclopaedia. It was often not too bad, but then there were days like today, when he was feeling hot all over and his lower region was feeling really strange. He had somewhat guessed it would be a wife plot:

anything to make the wife fuck with Luo Binghe was a wife plot. But of course, now they were stuck with those because the novel story had totally changed.

"I was following my king on a hunt when I saw those nice flowers, So I got closer, wondering if I could remember what they were, I assumed it was safe since I didn’t remember a flower looking like that being poisonous, but then when I tried touching it, I pricked myself on a spike I didn’t see” sqh had been explaining, laying down on a cushion as sqq drank some tea. “I didn’t feel anything at the moment, but then yesterday I started feeling weird all over the place and didn’t want to worry my King about it since he already has so much work to do”.

Sqq wanted to sigh at some of the detail not being useful. “I cannot really help if I do not know what that flower looks like” he points out.

“The petal was similar to those of a lily, but there was easily more than a dozen of them, there were a dark blue with blue-white-ish dotes going up the middle of the petals.

The stamens were rather long and pale and the thingy on top was kinda shaped like a heart now that I thinks of it”.

“Did it have a lot of leaf at the bottom which hides most of the spikes?” sqq asked, only for sqh to nod. His fellow transmigrator sighed heavily, “You fell into a wife plot again, you created that flower for wife #539 who was unable to get pregnant and so she tried using that flower to be able to have a child” sqq mentioned.

“But I should be safe right?” sqh asked, not remembering that. 

“You wrote that it was so great that even man could get pregnant when under its effect, which by the way last easily for a week”.

And this is how he now was in his room (which had been a while since the last time, he kind of unofficially moved into Mobei-jun room), robes loose around him as he was trying to relieve himself from the heat.

What should he do now? He couldn't exactly hide from his King for /minimum/of a week. He didn't want to look like some of these demons that had done it on purpose in the past to try and lure mbj and somewhat trap him with a child (and he knew it could happen because he wrote a couple of plots like this!).

Plus he never heard anything that could tell him mbj was actually interested in having children. Sure he would most likely need an heir one day, but as of now mbj never showed any interest.

Sqh was truly unsure of what he should do now, other than try and relieve himself from the heat and arousal that came with his situation. Plus he could discover just how exactly this curse was affecting him as it did create physical changes he didn't notice before.

His king should be busy all day so he should be able to figure something out before he came back to their shared room to see he was not there.

But as he was thinking this he was surprised by the sound of a portal opening next to his bed, mbj stepping out. Sqh took a moment to react properly, pulling the blanket around him to hide his near-nudity and in just what kind of state he truly was.

“M-my King! What brings you here? I thought you would be busy all day” he called out, blushing even more than he already was before.

“a servant told me you looked unwell” he answered as he walked closer to the bed, clearly sniffing at the air. “and told me you smell strangely very sweet".

Sqh wasn't sure what to think of that. Had he added such a thing? For demons to be able to smell when another was ready to conceive? He then saw his pupils dilate, as if mbj had finally understood, looking a bit shocked, suddenly grabbing the blanket. He wasn't quick enough to pull it back, instead feeling himself being pulled closer to mbj.

He didn't really resist at the hands pulling his legs apart, the demon confirming for himself as sqh was hiding in his hand.

His slightly altered anatomy was now on full display for mbj who looked very interested. “this servant is sorry for the inconvenient” sqh managed to say, nearly letting out a squeak as he felt his finger tease against his already wet pussy.

“I-I am sorry for the inconvenience I will try to find a way to deal with this!” sqh quickly said, unsure if mbj would think this was troublesome to deal with.

“Sect Leader Shen said it would easily take at least a week to die down and I do not want to be a burden for my King so I decided to come here t-”.

The peak lord’s rambling was cut off by passionate lips meeting his, feeling himself being pushed down into the mattress, mbj climbing over him as robes were being undone. It took a moment to realise mbj was actually making a move /while he just learned/ he could get pregnant.

“Wait wait, my King, right now might not be the right time” he tried to say. Wondering where this sudden burst of arousal in his husband came from. Was it contagious?

The kissing and sucking on his neck stopped as the demon looked back at him. “Is sqh against the idea of having a child?” mbj asked, studying his reaction greatly.

To this sqh wasn’t sure what to say. He had obviously never expected to be asked, especially not since neither of them was supposed to be able to bear a child. Sqh never thought about having any in his life, but he wasn’t against the idea.

“W-well no” he started, looking a bit to the side, “I simply thought my King was not interested in having any since he never talked about it before and ignore anyone who inquired about your plan to have an heir” he explained.

“I didn’t want children with anyone else than sqh” mbj replied, making the man blush at that declaration. He had not expected the reason to be because mbj wanted this kid to be theirs, not from someone else. It had probably been ruled out since neither of them was supposed to be able to do that.

A hand was gently rubbing his tights before he was pulled closer to, mbj settling between his legs, cock already hard and now resting against him. He moved his hips a bit, causing something sqh to feel rather new things.

“But if sqh is against bearing our child I will understand, “ mbj said.

Maybe it was because of the effect of the flower, but the way he was talking about /their/ child made something in him warm. He wasn't against that, it was actually reassuring in a way, mbj wouldn't need to find someone else for an heir.

“Yes I want to!” he says. Sure, it’s scary to think that he’ll have a growing being in him and is also unsure what will happen once he gives birth (if nothing goes badly...).

Sqh was waiting for mbj to get to it immediately but instead felt fingers entering where he had already been fingering himself. He may have never led with a lady before, but he was pretty sure that he would be alright, yet there wasn’t really much to convince mbj of that. Maybe telling him he needed it usually was the reason.

But the moment mbj deemed him ready enough there was probably nothing to stop him. He was fucking into his husband, still making sure he seemed alright, but never really stopping since it seemed all right.

Sqh was rather surprised by the rather different feeling of that pussy, moaning even more when mbj decided to see what teasing his cock would do.

After one round sqh was already a bit tired, especially since he had been pleasuring himself for a while before. Yet mbj was not done, large hands still on his hips, cock never leaving its warm embrace as he went back to being hard.

Sure, he was now used to Demon apparently having endless stamina in bed, but it was probably some of the first time that mbj could get back at it so quickly. Maybe the effect of the flower was wearing off on his husband too.

Sqh felt like they would pass the whole evening and night at it, mbj clearly set on breeding him until he was sure he would get pregnant. Good thing mbj had energy for two people since at some point sqh became tired and unable to do much himself.

It had started with him laying on his back, like this he could get all the kisses he wanted, then he tried riding his husband to not have him do all the work, enjoying the way mbj would look at him bounce up and down to milk him.

Then he ended up being flipped over so he was laying face down and ass up for better access, mbj more than happy to keep fucking into him like this. They had one important mission and he would take it seriously.

It was fun and all riding and having sex with his King with this new pussy, but he was but a mere human, nothing that could compare to mbj stamina. At some point he was happy to simply let mbj fuck his semen into him, his brain already feeling mushy from all the pleasure and orgasm he just had. He was pretty sure he had never been fuck this much before.

He ended up so full he was pretty sure no more could fit into him, even feeling some of the cum dripping out of him when mbj finally came out of him, laying down beside him and hugging him close.  “My King is doing a great job” sqh laughed slightly, feeling exhausted.

He felt mbj humming against the top of his head. “We need to do more to make sure it works”. 

Sqh was already exhausted at the idea but smiled softly at that. He wouldn’t mind being exhausted now if it meant having a child with mbj.

====

(well this was like really 30% smut isdjvudb guess I can only write p0rn with plot)

Original - AO3

[vcrnons]

hello j!

relate your mutuals to svt songs go!

Mutuals as SVT songs, let’s GOOO<3

- @ikigaisvt : circles. i’ve said once and i’ll say a hundred times that sammy is, to me, like if a comfort blanket was a person. i play circles so often that it’s possibly gonna be in my top 5 on spotify this year, and every time i need to be reminded that everything’s going to be okay, it’s my go-to track (of any artist i listen to, not just svt). something about it just brings me such a warm, calming feeling from the deepest parts of my soul, and that’s what sammy means to me too. i genuinely cannot scream about her incredible nature enough, and even if i could find the words, i’d be a blubbering mess before i could finish saying them. i didn’t even have to think about this one. sammy, circles is for you.

- @irlvernon : wave! i adooooore this song so much you don’t even understand. it’s just one of those tracks that like… it doesn’t matter what mood i’m in when it comes on shuffle, i WILL, immediately, crack a smile. it’s a never-skip song okay. something about it feels so floaty and free and i just get that energy from max too. i cannot be a grouch when you’re in my dm’s. it’s scientifically impossible. i don’t know what that’s about but i’m VERY happy that it’s true. you’re wonderful. mwah.

- @aceofvernons : xan is home;run to me every single day of the week. you’re very very very very very (x10^15) cool and you bring me so much joy. i see your tags on any of my gifsets and need to take a seat before my knees give out from beneath me. your responses to my unhinged vernon asks could give me the energy to get through anything. so this works because any time i listen to home;run, i just get filled with so much pure happiness? one of those songs you wanna scream at full volume in the car on your way to wherever the fuck and i need you to know that in my head, xan is in the passenger seat screaming it with me.

- @ncteez : light a flame. do i need to explain this? i feel like it explains itself lol but OKAY fine let’s go. light a flame is such a soothing song and it’s SO easy to listen to but it’s also so MF HOT? look. if i deep this track for too long i start getting butterflies. and that’s how it feels reading anything hon writes, first of all, but just her ✨ energy ✨ is very light a flame. those pretty woozi high notes are her sweet, softer sides and the deep wonwoo parts = her ability to completely derail my week (complimentary). tldr hon, ur hot and nice and i like u.

- @hwanghyunjinenthusiast : anyone! okay this is an undeniably fantastic song and the video for it makes my brain short-circuit which are also two things about rj that are literally just facts. in the same way i always go to rewatch any of the anyone performances and tell myself i’m able to handle it, i go crawling into rj’s inbox with usually something feral and i always come out feeling like i’ve been hit by a train (affectionate, complimentary). HER BRAIN. IS HUGE. and it causes me real strife but i keep going back for more because it’s delicious and that’s just. how anyone makes me feel. one of my absolute favourite svt bangers for one of my dearest, most precious mutuals.<3

- @eoieopda : domino!! this was one of the first svt songs i ever listened to and i maintain that it is one of the best in their discography. domino is so lovely and bouncy and ANY time i see jade on the dash, i’m about to do a cartwheel i swear to god. also here’s some lore nobody asked for: if i need to do something, esp at work, and i feel like i’ve got a mental block trying to start it, domino is one of my ultimate hype songs. whichhhh is relevant if you’ve ever seen jade’s fic feedback. the BEST hypeman (/gn) ever. i want to put every single comment they’ve ever left me in a locket and wear it over my heart forever.

- @xukmins : snap shoot : max’s energy is V E R Y snap shoot to me. i can’t really explain that properly but it is, it makes sense in my head. she’s very bouncy and exciting and energetic, and truly any time i think about max or she’s in my inbox, i really just see so much brightness and fun and the happiness that you could always see in the snap shoot stages.<3

- @haechannabelle : _world!!! i don’t know if it’s the mv for it that springs to mind when i think of world but i immediately start thinking of bright colours and summer and that’s what i think about with annabelle too? your art is always so vibrant and even if it’s not of an artist I listen to, im always sat there looking at my screen like 🥹🥹🥹 because your pieces are always SO gorgeous. but you come across as so vibrant and bouncy too and this song just fits you SO well in my head.

- @cheolhub : is it. cringe. to say all my love. OKAY LOOK we don’t rly actually talk a bunch but i see sar in my notifications and it’s like someone put a fuzzy cardigan around my shoulders and has come to hold my hand. there is not a single part of all my love that i don’t adore; i could have it on repeat for a whole day and not get bored just listening intently to every member’s voice and remembering all the reasons i adore seventeen. to that end, i could equally scroll sar’s blog for a whole 24 hours and be sat with hearts in my eyeballs the entire time.

( i’ve definitely forgotten some lovely people and i’m SO sorry for that aaaaaa. i went back through my recent interactions & stuff but i do also have the working memory of a walnut && will no doubt be kicking myself in like two hours time for not including one of my loves in this ;_; pls forgive me. you’re all so very dear to me & don’t you dare forget it.<3 )

[garden-variety-jumo]

Someone asked me about it but they were a TERF so I had to block them. But I wanna ramble about it anyway so voila my post:

Alien Cultural Differences I Love (in Doctor Who, anyway)* :

Disclaimer: forgive my knowledge of Doctor Who being a little spotty, a lot of it I learned purely through the fandom

(Skipping over regeneration because that is a huge one)

NAMES: I cannot emphasise enough how much I adore their naming conventions/them not revealing their "real" names. Like, naturally, there's the inherent trans-ness of choosing your own name, but I also love the idea of choosing it after what you want to emulate. (And if I may mention, the outright insanity that the Master, who HATES humans, used a human term. Which. Hmm. Yeah. The implications. (To me))

There are also academy names, which I think are Super interesting, because from what I can see, they still aren't their real names, but they're never mentioned supposedly after their academy days. So, they have an element of the superstition that their real names have, But they are still like,, placeholder names.

I think I once read a fic where there was a superstition/fairytale about speaking your real name out loud and being stolen by toclofane because of it- which I think is Brilliant!!

Language: First of all. We must applaud whoever designed Gallifreyan writing because it Fucks Severely. What an absolutely beautiful form of writing. Additionally, I don't Believe we've ever heard it in the show, which means it's fully up to interpretation. Something that makes me deeply sad to think about is, at least in RTD's initial era, how the Doctor is the only one left to speak a dead language. I like the headcannons that it's very difficult for other species to learn (while they would never be able to properly re-create it, that doesn't mean they can't learn a form or version to it  though!!) This could be due to vocal differences or even, potentially, psychic elements to it- which leads onto my next point:

Psychic Abilities: I'm going insane what do you MEAN Gallifreyans are a psychic race I'm going to loose my mind. If you take that into consideration, it has to have influenced their society or how they socialise somewhat. What must their perception of the world feel like? What are the social conventions/ethics of it all? I feel like they only scratch the surface of this topic in the show and long story short I would like a handbook that explains all of this in depth.

Imagine, then, going from a society that Could, if they wanted, connect to each other psychically, then having it all taken away. How empty that must feel??

The society: While my memory on Gallifreyan culture is a little muddied, it's been made Pretty clear the culture and socialisation is very different to, at the very least, humans. For one, the hubris Time Lords are taught to believe in. (At the very least, Time Lords being Gallifreyan but Gallifreyans not necessarily being Time Lords)

What other subtle differences might there be from there? I imagine they would be taught cultural norms/habits of other species in order to blend in or better communicate ((for example, the story the Doctor was telling about aliens who communicated largely with their eyebrows)). Time Lords in the show are vaguely "human" with certain landmarks to prove them as a different species, two hearts as the most prominent example. They are also implied to have three brainstems, and I'm sure, other internal differences (isn't it mentioned they have orange/rust coloured blood?) Therefore, what forms of socialising did they evolve differently, that they must adjust for speaking to humans? It's just cool to think about!!!

Biology: Largely touched upon in the previous point but their Blood is Orange. That's pretty neat!!!!!! WOAH ALSO. Their body temperatures being naturally lower!!!! That's an absolutely fascinating detail. I wonder if the Doctor ever discloses these medical details to their companions in case of emergency? Almost definitely not...

Aspirin: It's fatal to Gallifreyans? Insane. And has the Doctor ever mentioned this to their companions, just in case? Probably not.

THE GOD DAMN FOBWATCHES: Insane to me that they can just. Do that. As a lover of Tensimm, I regularly think about the set up of series 3 and how insane fans must have felt watching it live. Fobwatched Ten largely sucks though, my love goes out to Martha always. (But also... does that imply Ten's memories and experiences made the Doctor kind? Or being a Time Lord in itself, though that seems to align less with what we know)

Aaaand that's all I can think of for now!!

*((Special shout out to Mandolorian culture also, though. I am entranced and fascinated by it))

[worriedvision]

Not so blissful ignorance (part 3)

(part 2) (part 1)

Gorou hurting time again woohoo!

--

After Gorou proposed to his current fiancé, he was planning the wedding. Who to invite, what decorations, the food - oh he was so excited to finally be able to begin this new chapter of life with someone he loves! Tail wagging happily, he looks across at his lover, who had been looking at possible wedding pieces. They playfully hide the paper behind their arm, joking about it being bad luck if the groom saw their wedding garments, and Gorou laughs in response.

Of course, after the wedding could come the upgrades to the house his lover wanted. The new curtains (because supposedly he needed fancier ones), a bigger bed so there was more room for the two of them, and of course the possibility of having children. Even if they never had a biological family, an adoptive one would fill that spot in Gorous heart equally as well, and he wanted to ensure there was a room that was suitable for the kids to thrive.

Hearing a knock on the door, he gets up, only to be told that Her Excellency herself requested his presence.

--

"How has your wedding planning been?" Kokomi asks cheerfully.

Gorou furrows his brows, wondering how Kokomi had found out about the engagement. He hadn't told anyone else publicly about it, not to mention the both of them planned on it being relatively quiet until the time came around.

"It's been going well." Gorou replies before hurriedly correcting himself by adding 'Your excellency'. Kokomi smiles softly, but it doesn't quite look right to Gorou. It wasnt a fake smile, no. It was a smile mixed in with what looked like a yearning for more of an answer.

"I'm sure the reunion was exciting." Kokomi continues, taking note of how Gorou suddenly looks at her with wide eyes.

"What reunion? All of the forces returned, your excellency." Gorou explains his confusion, Kokomi now growing concerned.

"Has _ bee-"

"Did you see them?" Gorou gasps, looking at Kokomi out of surprise. "But my fiancé told me-"

"...Oh dear." Kokomi mumbles, placing a hand on her chin, eyes skimming the letter once more. "The individual keeping _ safe informed me in this letter they would be returning today. In fact, I only received it an hour ago."

Gorou feels like he's struggling to breathe properly. His fiance told him that you were definitely dead, explaining that your body had been buried by them after discovering it. Something about respecting you enough to want you to have your own little spot.

After all, you were Gorous first.

Gorou tears up, forgetting to take breaths. Kokomi realises her mistake in keeping Gorou out of the loop. At the time, she believed Gorou would fail to be logical when finding out the information, but seeing him break down like this made her realise something.

Someone had manipulated Gorou due to the severe lack of information anyone knew aside from Kokomi herself. If she had explained the situation with Gorou, that you were in relatively safe hands, Gorou would not have been emotionally manipulated by someone else.

Gorou can't find it in himself to yell at Kokomi, he wants to yell at himself for blindly believing a soldier when they had given an elaborate story, only to back up by saying they would rather your grave be unknown.

Gorou realises he cannot marry the person he was presently engaged to, now blessed with the knowledge that you were still very much alive, and you had been on the island.

Gorou lets out a sob, looking down at his hand as he resents the symbol of the ring. That should have been the ring you gave Gorou after he proposed, not the ring from some manipulative person.

Wait a minute.

Gorou thinks back to earlier, when he proposed. He saw a boat, assuming it was only for the family members of soldiers who managed to book a space on the vessel. He found it odd that it had stopped from departing at its usual time, seemingly stopping for someone who changed their mind.

Gorou pales at the realisation.

You had seen him propose to his current fiancé. You must have been hurt deeply by the realisation that he had moved on, especially considering it was during the war. It wouldn't have been impossible to move on, but Gorou knew he was a very loyal man. If he had someone he knew was waiting for him, he would wait a lifetime for them.

But he assumed you were dead, from what his fiancé told him.

Gorou stands up, taking a deep breath and bowing to Kokomi before departing to his home.

--

"Hey, sweetheart!" His fiancé sings out, moving to kiss Gorou as he walks into the house.

Gorou brushed by them, and now his fiancé is worried. What happened? Perhaps there was some unresolved issue with the decree that he had to handle. Or maybe he had to explain another soldiers poor actions.

Following Gorou, they see him walk straight to their fully empty bags. He begins calmly packing them, drowning out any protests for him to stop.

"Honey, what's gotten into you?"

"That's my stuff, silly."

"Where are you going?"

Gorou doesn't respond to these, only letting it fuel his packing of their bags.

He zips the bags shut, and he walks to the front door, placing them there. Walking over to the magazine's with the wedding plans highlighted, he puts them into the recycling, his fiancé now starting to tell at him for being reckless.

"Hey, don't tell me you're getting cold feet after that discussion. I haven't done anything to warrant this treatment, and I demand an-"

"You lied to me." Gorou lowly lets out, not turning to face the person he was wrapped around the finger of. "You lied to me about my first love." He whispers, reaching for his engagement ring. "For that, I can never forgive you."

His fiance gasps, seeing Gorou throw the ring lightly at them. They open their mouth to continue the lie, only to realise there was no more lying to be done.

"You really are a pathetic man." His fiancé lets out, opening the door. "You can't let go of what will never be."

He felt like an idiot for falling for their tricks, but at the time he couldn't see how any of the soldiers would lie to him about you. Everyone knew about how happy you were together. You two practically shouted on the rooftops how much you loved each other, it was a refreshing site to the soldiers considering the situation with the war being so dire.

The door slams shut, and Gorou looks out the window momentarily to see his now ex fiancé storming to their previous place. He can't look, knowing that they had effectively ruined his trust with them.

Thanks to this rotten soul of a soldier, he had managed to lose you, the person that would always occupy a space in his heart.

[erdariel]

Hi! This is a bit random, but I’m always really interested by your Finnish posts, and was wondering if you have any recommendations for learning more about your country?

Any stories/bits of art or music that are particularly special?

No need to answer this if it’s intrusive or anything, of course!

Hello! Let me see... This post gets quite long, so I'll put my recommendations under a readmore! To be honest, most of them are just random Finnish stuff, not necessarily specifically oriented to teach anything about Finland, but it's something.

Any other Finns can reblog and add stuff if you've got better recommendations than I have, btw!

Music-wise I suppose it depends on what kind of music you like - if you're into metal music, there's a lot of Finnish metal bands and I think some of them even sing in Finnish, but it's not a genre I personally listen to a lot. What I myself listen to is frankly a mess that doesn't make any sense, but here's a couple relatively well-known Finnish songs that I personally occasionally listen to (the method of choosing was random "whatever comes to mind first"):

Autiotalo by Dingo

Rakkaus on lumivalkoinen by Yö

As for stories - I have to admit I read shamefully little Finnish literature. One thing that comes to mind, however, is Maria Turtschaninoff's Red Abbey Chronicles fantasy series! I heard of them from a friend and read them some years back, and personally I really liked them. I don't know that they'll tell you particularly much about Finland as a country, but I like them as books. And Moomins, of course - I haven't read the books since I was a child, and I've never seen the entirety of the 90s anime adaptation because we didn't have a tv when I was a kid, but they're lovely stories, and if they don't tell you about Finland as a country as such, they're still a big part of Finnish culture.

I suppose I could also point you towards some classics of Finnish literature (Seven Brothers by Aleksis Kivi, The Unknown Soldier by Väinö Linna, that sort of thing) but I also don't read a lot of classics, and I try to keep to a rule of never recommend books I haven't read and/or don't like personally, so I can't actually recommend them as such, all I can state is that they are classics of Finnish literature that exist and are set in Finland (of the two I mentioned, Seven Brothers is set in the 19th century in rural Finland, it's fairly comedic in tone, and generally held to be the first novel actually written in Finnish, while The Unknown Soldier follows a machine gun company throughout the Continuation War; so in terms of that, expect a number of violent deaths and all of that) and I'm relatively certain there are English translations of them (though whether those are easily available anywhere, that I cannot say)

Speaking of classics, there's Kalevala. You should be able to find one or two different English translations of it in Project Gutenberg. Now, with Kalevala there's a whole can of worms regarding cultural appropriation of Karelian culture and stories that I do not understand thoroughly enough to explain it properly, but I don't think there's any argument that it shaped the Finnish culture and national identity when that was still in the process of being created in the 19th century.

As for artwork, I don't have a lot of specific ones in mind, but you could take a look at the Finnish National Gallery's website and see what stuff there speaks to you!

You can also search for specific artist's works on the website, so here's for example pictures of the works of Akseli Gallen-Kallela, Hugo Simberg, Albert Edelfelt, and Eero Järnefelt, to name a few of our famous painters (note: i haven't refined those searches beyond selecting for a given artist, which means the search result includes a lot of sketches and stuff, but if you like, you can further refine the search to only show you paintings, for example).

Personally, I quite like the bunch of Hugo Simberg's paintings that portray Death (as in death as a character, pretty much the black-robed skeleton type). The most famous of those, I think, is this one, the Garden of Death:

[bkdk-art]

Endeavor's and Katsuki's way of atoning

Smth that has been going on in my mind for a while now and I know I'm late to the party since the manga is way past the Endeavor agency- and the Izuku-left-UA-arc but I gotta get if off my chest.

I've read a lot of analysis about similarities but especially differences between Endeavor and Katsuki, so I won’t point them out here. I'd rather continue with smth I don't think anyone else has pointed out yet (?).

In Episode 18 of Season 5 or in the manga chapter 252 Natsuo was kidnapped by that arrow-quirk-villain and while trying to rescue his own damn son Endeavor just stopped in his ways, later explaining he was afraid that if he saved him, Natsuo wouldn't be able to speak his mind freely anymore. Like??? Okay then?? Just let him die, seems to be the better option for you, Todoroki Enji AKA No. 1 Hero. And I know some will say he had faith in the three musketeers to save the day but let me remind you that Endeavor was surprised by their improvement!! So I don't think he hesitated in a strategic or calculated way but rather in a self-centered, egoistic one. And I cannot even begin to explain how much this makes me despise Endeavor, risking Natsuo's life like that.

Whereas, remembering chapter 285, Katsuki's "body just moved on its own" when Izuku was about to get stabbed. “There were no thoughts" like – yes! Exactly! I mean, Katsuki also could have had a thought process like "If I risk my life for the nerd, he will have no choice but to forgive me for my bullying, even if I don't deserve it" or something like that. But he didn't! Because all of that doesn't matter if the person in question might be freaking dead at the end of the day!

Man, Endeavor’s behavior in that episode/chapter pisses me off for so many other reasons like telling Natsuo he doesn't want his forgiveness. Yeah well, you sure don't deserve it but it may be a start to freaking apologize, like truly apologizing – which Katsuki did btw. Katsuki too, said that he doesn't expect things to change between him and Izuku but he apologized nonetheless because that's what you do if you screwed up.

And at the end of the episode when Endeavor decides to separate himself from the rest of the household, saying this is his way of atoning and guys, I can't keep up with his bs! He's turning away from them without even properly facing them!!! When he damn well knows that Fuyumi e.g. wishes for them to be a family again. Yes, sir, your kids and one son in particular are hard on you, calling you out for your abuse – as they should! – so you just give up after only two shitty dinners??? Of course there won’t be any forgiveness after such a short period of time. And this pisses me off so much because Shoto told him that he’d like to see how he would perform as a father and yet? Endeavor runs away after a few ugly confrontations with Natsuo.

And again, smth Katsuki managed to do – he stayed close to Izuku, really trying to help him out. And yes, I know, Izuku never pushed him away, in fact, ever but still, Katsuki is really putting effort into their relationship, not needing other people pushing him into doing so. He is in fact atoning.

Endeavor is just running away, not really thinking about his family or taking them into account, not truly trying to change. He's not making it about making it up to them but rather making it about how he can punish himself. Self-centered as usual.

Sometimes I wonder if Hori did the Natsuo-Endeavor-scene exactly that way, with Katsuki listening, so that Katsuki would be inspired to be nothing like him. Especially with the parallel of both of them talking about their former behavior in front of others but with the HUGE difference of Katsuki putting Izuku first.

Well. Where was I going with this? Originally this was supposed to be a Katsuki-redemption-appreciation-post, showing in comparison to Endeavor how many things Katsuki has gotten right but it kinda ended up pointing out how Endeavor just keeps fucking shit up.

Hope you're fine with that and sorry for not including any screenshots.

[broadwaytheanimatedseries]

So I've had these two ideas for a while now...

Keep in mind, neither of them are necessarily Wuko exclusive, but they did both come to me in the Wuko context because I have Ship Brainrot™ so it can't be helped.

Concept 1: Wu can fight, Mako was just teaching him wrong.

So the thing about Mako's fighting style is that it's very specific to him, as a mixture of him being raised on the street, and then growing up to be the firebending teammate on a pro bending team.

For all of these reasons, not to mention his physicality being quite different than Wu's, his fighting style was never gonna work for the prince.

So in my humble opinion, Wu should have been taught by kyoshi warriors.

Not only is it an earth kingdom tradition that was created by the citizens in self defense, rather than the monarchy trying to maintain any shred of its relevance, but it's also a fighting style that prioritizes momentum and dexterity over muscle and brutal force.

Besides, unlike Sokka who had to outgrow his toxic masculinity and learn to be comfortable with wearing a dress, Wu would be all over the aesthetics of the Kiyoshi warriors.

Overall being an elegant dance fighter suits him a lot better than the martial arts Mako was trying to teach him.

Alternatively, (or maybe even in addition), I could definitely see him picking up chi blocking... That is if he can muster the attention span to properly learn it.

I love him but I also project onto him because I see a lot of my own ADHD refleced in his behaviour.

The way this manifests in a Wuko context to me is a very tense and homerotic sparring session, where Wu is eager to show Mako what he's learned since the last time they were in this position, and Mako is very distracted by both his attire and his quite impressive fighting skills.

Concept 2: the one that is unlikely

This one is borderline ridiculous, so bear with me here.

Wu has secretly been an airbender this whole time.

Ever since season 3, to be precise.

So technically much like the first one, there's nothing in canon to suggest that it isn't true, but it's a much harder sell.

That being said, I really like the potential of it.

Most notably, the fact that it's the only type of bending that it would make sense for him to have hidden even until now.

During season 3 he would have been hiding it for the obvious reason of his great aunt being terrible and building an army of child soldiers, which would also explain why he was never established in season 3 if he was trying to keep a low profile, for once in his life.

But then in season 4, where you would assume that he wouldn't have to worry about that anymore, there's still Kuvira's loyalists being a security threat and, I cannot stress this enough, his own great aunt being choked to death by an airbender.

Add to all that the fact that his great aunt would have been a threat to his freedom and well being, something neither she nor anyone other than Wu himself would have known, and it's no wonder that he's eager to take the throne and ensure his own security and agency over his own life.

And it would also be equally understandable why even after her death and Zaheer being locked up, Wu would still be deeply terrified about even attempting to learn more about his new ability, let alone tell anyone about it so that they might be able to help him develop it.

The way this manifests in a Wuko context to me, is a situation where for once Mako is the one in danger and without even thinking about it, Wu jumps to his rescue and accidentally airbends while he's at it. surprising all those present and potentially sending him into a little bit of a panic because

oh no I just airbended, she's going to find out, she'll send me down there, I could have hurt someone, I can't stay here I have to run I have to hide I have to get out of here -

And Mako would help him calm down and safely get out of there, as possibly the only person that Wu trusts implicitly and wholeheartedly.

Anyway those are my ideas, you're all welcome to use them just please like credit or at least tag me, so that I can see what better writers can do with them.

[pancaksblog]

I am so tired of having to carry every single fucking conversation with everyone I've ever talked to EVER and almost always having to play a guessing game as to whether or not they even give a shit about anything I have to say. Please explain to me why suddenly every single fucking person on the planet cannot communicate properly to save their fucking life. Every time I ask it is always an excuse like they're autistic or something (I'm autistic myself) which would be fine but I swear I have never talked to a single fucking person on this planet in my entire 19 years of living where I didn't have to carry every single conversation ever to the point I had to ask questions just to keep it going.

The only time they actually give a damn about talking is when they have something they want to talk about. Of course you're not going to EVER know if what you're talking about actually interests them because they will NEVER FUCKING TELL YOU. They never will and even when they do tell you that they like what you're talking about, how are you supposed to tell? Their actions don't show it. That's the problem. They may say they give a shit but they will NEVER show it, EVER. They always engage with everything I have to say in the most basic surface level way, like just repeating the whole fucking point of something I said in my messages back to me or just reacting with a single sentence, and that's if I'm lucky and they don't just like my message until I send them something to laugh at.

Socialization is very important to me, more than most, but I'm really not trying to ask for a lot. I'm just tired of being expected to be able to properly pick up on social cues and be able to decipher whether or not someone actually cares or not because speaking is just so fucking difficult apparently. In a world filled to the brim with alleged people pleasers with communication issues it's hard to tell whether or not anyone actually legitimately gives a fuck or if they're just fucking lying and listening because they feel bad, especially for people with actual communication ""issues"" who have to decipher everyone and everything like a puzzle and read between imaginary lines.

Currently I've got someone who is bored and online all the time and I asked them a question about their opinion on something i did and they left me on read for 40 minutes and I sent them something funny and they replied with a generic "HELP" and ignored the question and now I'm just sitting here wondering whether or not I should say anything bc they said they could forget sometimes but they literally looked at the question two separate fucking times

I've often asked if it is an issue with myself, but I don't know to tell you the truth. I'm not trying to hate on anybody I'm just frustrated and this is a vent.

[ukftm]

Hi all - I commented a while ago regarding my partner who is a transgender man. Tonight he’s informed me for a long time he gets a slight pain in his groin / penis area ( he had surgeries quite a few years ago)

He also said that for a very long time there’s been a putrid smell coming from his penis - Almost a white discharge I believe. He also explained that that last time he flushed was about a year ago due to it being unsuccessful and it being painful.

I was just wondering if all of this could be linked and if so any thoughts on what the smelly discharge is, could this be a fistula?

Any help would be appreciated as when he last contacted the clinic in lockdown they said he would have to wait yet still nothing unfortunately.

He’s also broke down to me tonight saying how he’s depressed and basically is unhappy with himself due to the prolonged waits and with the complications and I think it’s really affecting his mental health (he’s good at hiding it so for him to admit it is massive). Could I possibly get any advice on any of the topics, where I can get support and how anyone else who’s been in similar situations with the mental health or the complications with discharge be able to advise me please?

Thanks in advance all!

Hi,

It’s very very important that the penis is flushed every day until the urethra is connected. If he hasn’t flushed in over a year he is risking the chance that his urethra will be closed.

The smell is common in the beginning but after this amount of time it is likely because it has not been flushed properly and therefore it will have likely have become full of dead skin and build up. He should have it tested for infection however.

Fistulas do not cause smells. He should start trying to flush the phallus again using warm water and a VERY small amount of Tea Tree oil in the water (Mr Christopher recommends this). The tea tree is antibacterial and the warm water will help it go through easier (if the urethra hasn’t closed already). Tell him to flush slowly as this is better for the water to go through.

Your partner should contact his surgical team as soon as possible and ask for their advice as to what to do.

From personal experience I have had multiple complications myself. I had the worry about smelly discharge and I very quickly had it tested by my GP, which found an infection. This was treated with a few courses of anti-biotics. I made contact with Mr Christopher and he recommended the Tea Tree oil and warm water. He also recommends sitting in warm salt baths which can help get into the areas normal washing can’t.

My advice to anyone in this situation is NEVER stop flushing. It is so important to flush whether it is uncomfortable or difficult. This is the only way to keep the urethra open, otherwise it will heal shut, which will require a repair surgery and may even require another skin graft.

The wait for surgery is soul destroying and the only thing worse than waiting for your first stage is being in a position where you have complications and cannot get fixed in a reasonable amount of time. The complication rates for bottom surgery are so high that so many guys are being left with long term complications that not only cause pain but that have a terrible impact on their mental health.

Your partner needs to start getting in contact with his surgeon and keep doing this until they respond with a good solution. Even if that is just an appointment to see what the problem is.

For just now he needs to make an appointment with his GP and have the urethra swabbed for infection.

If your partner wants to talk to me directly, you have my personal tumblr account.

[septemberkidtian]

Dear My Friend

It's been a while since we last met. I wonder why it is still possible for me to recall your timid voice whispering to me how terrified you were of your own thoughts. I am sorry for not offering you my hand and lifting you from the muddy river full of the doubts and fears you were drowning in.

It's been a while since I thought about the things we did as children, about how we were playing chase in your grandparents' backyard, once you told me to stop because I accidentally slapped your back, and then you suddenly remembered the hurtful hand of your dad. You gulped and stuttered on every word while you tried to explain how he wanted to choke you in sleep. How your loving mother saved you even though she knew she wouldn't make it alive from his dangerous claws.

I regret the words I said when I was angry with you. I shouldn't have done it. Should I turn back time? Can I? Tell me how I can take back those hideous phrases I shouted in resentment! I feel like a monster. I am a monster. So are you.

Yes, you "miss perfect" who never asked me how I felt about all those experiences you had to face. You just needed to vent to me. I don't even know if I may call you my friend. It doesn't feel fair. You have never cared about me. You didn't even allow me to hug you and say just one consoling word.

Do I hate you? Do I hate someone I didn't have a chance to know properly? You treated me like a dog, like an animal without the ability to talk to its owner. I felt like a freaking sponge soaked in vinegar, my body itching each time you spitted those sour stories out of your mouth.

I don't hate you.

I don't hate you.

No, I don't.

I despise only myself for not trying to help you, for not increasing the intensity of my voice whenever you burst into hot tears while screaming how much you hated yourself. I am sorry for not allowing you to become my kindred spirit. I am sorry for being scared of you. I used to be horrified by your demeanor and the way you gazed into my eyes, the way you could see through my soul.

You always knew I was the weak one. That was unbelievably cruel of you, you know? It took me a long time to realize it but eventually, I concluded that you wanted to get rid of me after you finished your dirty storytelling.

But you didn't.

You didn't.

Why?

Tell me.

I am all ears.

I wish we could start over.

Maybe it would be easier if I wasn't a silent coward.

Maybe I should have been born as a man.

Maybe that's the reason why I wasn't able to protect you from all those monstrous things.

Maybe that's why I couldn't save you from that dangerous forest you got lost in because people kept telling me girls were not allowed to walk alone at night.

I am sorry for being so scared of not stepping out of my house in the middle of the night.

Because that's something girls cannot do.

We can't do it.

We are not allowed to do it.

We must be obedient little ladies.

Somebody has to chase us.

They plainly can't help it.

They can't help haunting innocent souls.

They are the reason why I couldn't save you.

I am the reason why I couldn't save you.

Because I am just a scared little girl.

Because they will never let me choose my destiny.

Because I am just a scared little girl. Little girl. Little girl.

I am sorry. Please forgive me for not being born as a man. Please forgive me for not being somebody who has got power in this world.

(The title name is inspired by Dear my Friend by Agust D)

(January 20, 2023)