#things you look back on and think wtf

[aintgonnatakethis]

went to the mini theme park they set up next to the beach for tourist season and realised i'd never had candyfloss before. mum was really strict when i was a kid about sugar (her reasoning was she was overweight and didn't want me to "go the same way") to the point of when i had homework of going into a sweetshop and spending exactly £1 she made me throw the gummy snakes i got away instead of letting me eat them

while we're on the subject she also didn't let me go to a birthday party that was halloween themed because halloween was "worshiping satan"...

the 1st seemed normal to me at the time even though i hated it. but the 2nd is OFF THE FUCKING RAILS. i was 8 and i could see that. and it wasn't because she didn't want to drive me because we drove over there when the party was on so i could give the kid their present

"worshiping satan" GOOD LORD

[essektheylyss]

You know, with the fact that Ryn went and got herself petrified within a day of finding out just how willing the Ruby Vanguard are to fuck a wizard up, I do think that, while the bar is very low, Essek (as he is during the course of the campaign) really does deserve some credit for never ending up in such a self-imposed pickle that he needed his allied party to show up and save him from himself. In fact, the only time the Nein directly felt the need to worry about him was when Caleb put him in danger without thinking through certain connections that would be made, and even then, that was more of Caleb feeling guilt-ridden about it than actual worrying.

And to be very clear, Essek absolutely was and still to this day in canon is in a massive, self-imposed pickle, but when it actually comes down to it, the Nein were pretty tangential and superfluous to navigating that, and he's predominantly doing the work himself.

[homeless202]

i like the thought process Eunyung had here:

he's accused of doing sth and knows that denying it won't change the accuser's mind once it's been set.

he doesn't even try arguing bc he knows it'd be a waste of time. he just says 'yeah, you're right. and what about it?' (<- agreeing with someone is typically a good strategy to keep the peace, bc people like hearing they're right, but it doesn't always work. and in this case, keeping the peace was not the intention anyway)

-----

he wanted to stir up shit. get a rise out of HJ. spite him. unfortunately, however, EY failed to consider any non-confrontational responses:

he did not expect that...

...at all. and immediately regretted saying it when he saw HJ's reaction.

then he wanted to help. he clearly had the intention to talk to him:

but ultimately decided against it. probably bc he knew there was nothing he could say at that moment to make things better. scared that no matter what he'd do, it would only make the situation worse. he didn't want to start another fight and get hit.

so he just left.

[jtl07]

What are your thoughts on the OCS?

Sometimes it seems like a manipulative cult that recruits vulnerable girls. But, it's also this found family for many of them. Is it good or evil? Is it both?

oh buddy. i ... actually have been having thoughts about this for the past few days (what is it with y'all being on my brainwave? must be something in the universe idk) as in, i've been contemplating the parallels between the OCS and the military.

so for context, i'm coming at this as a person who was in the military, who is a female poc from a middle class immigrant asian family. i give this context because i see a lot of the military in the OCS (i've mentioned it in some of my write ups and a big part of why i ended up writing the top gun 2 au) - mostly because the OCS is presented as an organization with a methodology that is built on violence.

i tried my best to be coherent but there's likely some meandering - feel free to ask further questions or clarification.

tl;dr - imo, it's all of the above.

i'm going to start with my experience in the military before i talk about the OCS because there's something in me that's chafing at the word "vulnerable." it's not that i think it's the wrong word per se, but that there's context that's needed.

for me, i had several family members who were in the military: my dad for one, several uncles, and a handful of my older cousins. this means i grew up learning that the military was a) one of the most honorable, respectable, and coolest professions you could join, b) the only profession where you were judged solely on your performance (i.e. racism wasn't overt), c) great financially because the pay was transparent and the benefits (back in the day) were fantastic if you stayed til retirement.

i don't believe any of that anymore, but that's what i'd learned. this is what my family believed (still does, actually). this is what many other poc believed too. compared with the opaque, racist corporate world - and having the responsibility of taking care of one's parents, who'd immigrated from their home country to give you "a better life" - having something stable and honorable like the military seemed like the best choice. why would i choose something else? how could i even see anything else? the military was the only choice i knew.

i left the military over a decade ago, but there's still a part of me that thinks "i'll never top my time in the military; i'll never have an experience quite like that." and the larger part of me can acknowledge now that yes, that's true. because when you're in an organization like the military (and comparatively, like the OCS) it's exhilarating in a way, knowing that you're part of something that's larger than yourself, knowing that you were deemed worthy - that you proved that you were worthy - of being part of this elite, special organization that has this grand, noble, world-saving mission. and yes, you feel a bond with the folks you serve with - bound by a vow to serve and protect, bound by experiences only they will understand.

there's nothing quite like that.

and i never want to experience that again.

because yes, it's exhilarating and exciting, and it's addicting in a way - to do all these cool things that folks make movies about, to know you're doing your part in keeping the people you love safe, to build relationships where no matter what, they've got your back.

but it's blinding. it blinds you to the violence, the harm that you're inflicting in the name of the mission - on both others and your own self. it blinds you to other ways of living. it blinds you to other ways of being safe - on both a personal and national level. this kind of experience trains you constantly: "this is the only way; this is the only choice."

and you can probably see why Beatrice's backstory resonated with me. of course she chose the church, the OCS - this was the only choice she had, the only choice she could possibly make to prove herself, to make herself worthy. in the OCS, she found a community of folks who, like her, were committed to a mission and ready to give their lives because, like her, that was probably the only choice they thought they had. it was the best choice they had.

maybe that's why i chafe at the use of "vulnerable" - because at the time, choosing the military felt like my shot at redemption, at salvation. it wasn't a moment of weakness, but of strength.

at least, that's what i had been trained to believe. and there is, apparently, still a part of me that believes it. even though there's the larger part of me that can see now the ecosystem that forced my hand.

it's also why i love Ava as a protagonist - how she was determined to find another way, how desperate she was to live. because organizations that are built on violence, organizations like the military, like the OCS, it takes folks who believe they need to prove themselves and takes advantage of that need, forces them to carry more than any person ever should, then calls them noble, calls them honorable, calls them worthy - all the while training them, ultimately, to die.

does good sometimes result from that, grow out of that? yeah. but the cost is very, very high.

[compacflt]

I have an anecdote about when I worked for a company and a co-worker left to work in a different state on military aircraft. He had to get a TS clearance and because we had worked for several years together he asked if I would be okay with being interviewed for his clearance. I said sure and an interviewer w the gov, arranged to come to my place of work and conduct the interview there. I was asked questions about him like how well did I know him, and whatever answer I gave led to more specific questions like if I answered a question about knowing his wife, they would ask if I thought his marriage sounded secure etc.

This memory of that experience was on my mind while I read your story and I wondered who Iceman would choose for his TS clearance interviews (and who the gov would choose for him) and what would they say? I feel like their "secret" would be uncovered in even a low level clearance (years later I had to submit names for a low level Public Trust clearance for my job) It was so embarrassing because I did not have many friends I was comfortable submitting for that as I kept my work and home life very separate.

Anyway, that is my "cool story, bro"

Thank you for such a great and well researched story!

this is indeed a cool story bro and touches on what is literally my story’s fatal flaw, which is: Yeah, a shitload of people would’ve known about it. I am going to hijack your question to talk about that, so my apologies, though i will get around to your question by the end. This is gonna be a really long post. I have a lot to say and a lot of ground to cover.

So I wanna start out by talking about the structure of this story and its core conflict, because while I’d like to say this story is rooted in an accurate depiction of the US military, obviously that’s not true; it’s rooted in the dynamic of the story that i wanted to tell, which is the story of a guy coming to realize the truth behind a Big Lie—him passing as straight. And that’s a pretty universal story, but it’s made more specific by the fact that a) the guy canonically wants to be the best in an institution that enforces the Big Lie and b) the guy canonically is so successful because he follows the rules/orders of that institution. So, for character growth, to put it simply, the guy (Ice) has to come to the conclusion that the Big Lie is a lie by himself. He can’t be told/ordered that the Big Lie is a lie, otherwise he hasn’t grown out of “just following orders.” (I’ll get to the Big Lie in a second. I made charts and story structure graphs below.)

The only other story about a Big Lie I can think of off the top of my head right now is Passing (1929) by Nella Larsen, which is about a Black woman in Chicago trying to pass as both white and straight. It’s a great book and I’ll try not to spoil it, you should really read it for yourself, but the terminology I’m going to use in this post comes from an analysis of it, so just to bring you up to speed—Clare, the woman trying to pass as white, is recognized by a friend, another Black-but-passing woman, Irene, who is shocked that Clare has abandoned her heritage (the truth of her, that is) and married a hyper-racist white man who doesn’t even know that she’s Black. So the book sets up a dynamic of the Big Lie that I’ve outlined here (hopefully it makes sense):

I built on this dynamic for my fic. Ice is both a “dupe” and a “passing figure,” in that he believes the lie that he is straight and also passes for straight—but it’s also more complicated than that because he’s not actually straight (getting to that). Mav is an “in-group clairvoyant” and can recognize Ice as passing because he is also straight-passing. The Navy are a bunch of “dupes.” But…what is Slider, for instance, or your question’s hypothetical government official who, yes, will 100% find out because people always find out?

In comes my ginormous-and-overly-wordy WWGATTAI Plot and Character Dynamic Summary Graph. You don’t really have to read it all, the only important bits for this discussion are the leftmost column (“plot”) and the green quadrant (“out-group clairvoyants”).

To summarize—people who know the truth can’t actually act on it, because for Ice’s character growth to make sense, he has to come to the truth himself. This forecloses the possibility of any outwardly homophobic action (by which I mean someone like a govt official or one of my lame OCs actually challenging him on his illegal relationship) in the plot, because for 90% of the story Ice is so fragile that he would probably just cave immediately and double down on the internalized homophobia. So, for plot purposes, everyone—including Mav, as it happens—has to sort of tiptoe around Ice’s obvious not-straightness and give him an unreasonable amount of grace so he can figure it out for himself. 

And therein lies the fatal flaw of this story. It is, like, not conceptually viable. Of course people would find out, of course the government would interrogate him about it, of course he’d have to confront the truth much sooner than TWENTY-FIVE years after he first starts messing around with Mav.  Which literally breaks my heart because I didn’t realize it was a fundamentally busted story until long after I had finished writing the base plot & couldn’t fix the overarching problems 😭 The thing is, it had to be this way, because there is at least a thirty-year gap between TG86 and TGM22, and TGM is obviously the emotional climax of the series and my story had to match that. So—fanfic and its canon constraints, everyone. 

But also… I can explain away these logical inconsistencies with story structure & character dynamic graphs to make the story make sense, sure, but it doesn’t change the truth of the matter, which is that… I hadn’t ever really thought about things like security clearances, and therefore wrote around them because I didn’t even know to consider them. And I know there are a bunch of other details in this story that betray my immaturity (anytime I talk about alcohol, for instance—I still am not legal to drink in this stupid country & have only cheap bad experiences to draw on; THE HOUSE—if i could rewrite this story from the beginning they would not have bought a fucking house together, what was I thinking???) and the lack of thought about the real-life logistics and consequences of secrecy is one of them. 

And it’s exactly what I mean when I say “I look at this story and all I see are its flaws,” which is why I wanted to write this post & get it on record. I have just enough life experience to read my own writing and know that it’s fundamentally unconvincing, and not enough life experience to know how to fix it. :(

But, to answer your original question, you’ve got me brainstorming a scene where Ice is asking Slider to be his character witness & Slider’s like “Look bro do you want me to lie to the federal government under oath for you because I will” and Ice has to be like “Legally I cannot ask that of you but”

[torgawl]

it's been like 3 hours and i can't stop thinking about xiao and aether. you guys don't get it. it's the way the heart in qixing is likely referring to aether. it's because aether dedicated his poem and his dreams to xiao. it's because xiao smiled when he heard it. it's the way he's always looking out for aether. it's because even though everything was okay xiao made the effort to be vocal about how worried he was when aether pretended to drown. it's because aether is the only person capapable of persuading xiao, to the point others are aware he would do anything for him only and use it to convince him every chance they get. it's because aether is the only person capable of relieving the pain of xiao's karmic debt, not because of his powers but solely by being a part of xiao's life. it's because during the lantern rite instead of looking at the sky xiao looks at aether. it's because everytime they're together everyone else always comments about how close and fond of each other they are. it's because xiao is the only character aether is able to have alone time with without paimon. it's because as long as aether says his name xiao will always answer his call.

[jokerx-art]

eddsworld/ews in 2023? 'cause hs^2 came back 'cause wtf??

anyway y'all get this one thing. only on tumblr.

and it's me and Tord cause i also found the old art ppl made for me again (if you know, you know), so i was thinking of them.

[da-proti-toku-grem]

feeling like a total asshole today 👍

[hauntingblue]

Kaido lore?!

[seithr]

another Vicariously Experiencing Mass Effect 3 moment;

During Samantha Traynor's Kepesh-Yakshi game with that asari, after you order her to Kick her ass

My brother picked the renegade "Encourage traynor midgame" option, where you try to throw off the asari player with "You're not that good"

The renegade option dialogue is "Hope the asari maidens you're teaching aren't on Illium. Last I heard the Reapers pretty much razed that planet."

hey commander hey hey waitthat's not what we said. cool it this is a game

[neverendingford]

.

[astudyintheburningofhearts]

The fact that my friends aren't liking the Barbie movie is so annoying because PLEASE MA'AM, LET ME LEAD THE CLASS TODAY AND DO A DEEP DIVE ON WHY THIS MOVIE IS EXTREMELY VALID IN TODAY'S DAY AND AGE AND WHY RYAN GOSLING WAS A GOOD KEN. PLEASE.

[pepprs]

my mom isn’t letting my dad go back to his office bc him being out of the house stresses her out and makes her have a flare up and it’s like kind of insane. like i understand why the idea of him doing that would make her panicky and angry as someone who also struggles w separation anxiety and abandonment shit / has physical symptoms from that kind of stress (though not to the same degree ofc) but also he is a grown man. he should be allowed to go to his office and not have to shape his entire life around her needs. and she keeps guilt tripping him out of it and it’s impacting his quality of life a lot and the whole thing is kind of… hm

[linawritesocs]

when you and your bf are too cute for alchemy classes and you get banned together 😔

[theloveinc]

halo cato 🫶🏼 I was just laughing at your post about asking bakugo if he would’ve dated you in high school 💀 and maybe it’s for the best that he’s not real because my first ever reaction to his character was “wtf is wrong with this dude” 😭 anyways I hope you have a lovely day ty for the laff and your valentines post was so cute I ate it all up ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

awww, halooooo (that's so cute)!!!🥺

wasn't that a funny idea? i know it's my post, but i thought so too! he's really so convinced things would've been exactly the same as if he wasn't entirely a different boy(?) back then.

but it's a sweet thought, aside from his temper and the getting-to-know-him part, to think about little high school katsuki w/ high school you... going to all your school dances with you in his cute fancywear, or even you going to the sports festival and sitting with his parents, too. he would've been so blushy :(((( i want to see it nownowNOWnownown—

(esp since he probably would've liked u.... and would've gotten to see him being an ass trying to get your attention. him thinking he's being sweet to you and you just... not having any of his attitude LOL. i'm obsessed).

but that's not to get carried away or anything hehehe. i hope your day was lovely as well and that your next is too! thank u for enjoying the valentine's day piece, and for giving me a chance to talk abt this high school idea! i was mucho craving it🧡🧡🧡

mwah!

[heniareth]

I wish the marketing industry a very please die