#think this is legitimately the first time I've had trouble getting into something because of an art style

[vampirecatprince]

*sees art of the HH characters not in VP's art style*

OH OKAY- I see some of the appeal is now...

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

Evie (Ace!Tav) Playthrough Day 4

(I love Evie in this fit)

Day 1… Day 3- Day 5

Astarion x Evie (Ace!Tav) Masterlist

For the uninitiated, I wrote a Tav well before I ever had a chance to play the game. Now, I finally can and thought it might be fun for my first play through to be as that Tav. Or, at least as much as the game play will allow me.

These are just some of my notes and scattered highlights that I thought would be fun to share.

Let me know if you think if I should continue this and any suggestions you might have.

So much happened you guys holy shit!!!

Technically this is a combination of two days, since I didn't have time last night and figured I'd wait until after I played some more today (there is just so much of this game I feel like two hour sessions barely scratch the surface)

First off, it took me way too long to figure out how to deactivate the traps in the back cavern in the Emerald Grove

Legitimately nearly died twice; if it weren't for my saves I would have

Not ashamed to admit, I needed to google it; I have never claimed to be a "gamer"

Still got it sorted (and if anybody knows how to get to that center bit in the middle of the cavern, please let me know)

After that decided to go after best girl Karlach

Ran into the Owl Bear cave first and I am upset

I *really* didn't want to kill the Owl Bear mama, but even with non-lethal damage the cub still eats it's mother; seems like it all is the same in the end

I'm now thinking more and more that Evie and Shadowheart get to be good friends; Evie takes a more benefit of the doubt approach to people, and I don't think she knows enough about the Gods and Shar specifically to have many thoughts on the subject

I've been purposefully handing all the books and other info to whoever else is there so Evie doesn't get the info from reading

Lae'zel and Shadowheart are also majorly at each other's throats in the first act

Lae'zel also would not be a fan of Evie; Evie comparatively talks way too much for Lae'zel's taste (+11 to Persuasion will do that to a person) (did I mention I love bards)

Did eventually get to Karlach and she's so great guys! I knew I was going to love her, but I *love* her

She deserves to wreck the Paladins of Tyr hide out, as a treat

(That one bitch was giving me so much trouble, thank God for Wyll's Eldritch Blast or we would have been spending all our actions just trying to keep up)

I am once again faced with not being able to punch a ginger bitch because of *consequences*

Also, I hate all the options they give you when talking to Wyll after he's transformed into a devil

None of this is what Evie would say to him!

Either way though, I am secure in the fact that Wyll would like Evie (even if he's not a fan of her trust in Astarion)

So, one long rest later and we're heading towards the Blighted Villiage; Astarion, Gale and Karlach in toe

Came across the boar and Astarion really is so suspicious

I also think at this point Astarion really doesn't know what to make of Evie; placing her in category bleeding heart no doubt and not certain of her abilities

She's a good talker, as she's able to convince the goblins to let them pass without a fight

On the other hand, she did assists Gale with his little problem, sacrificing a necklace of Dancing Lights

Also it doesn't help that she was nice to a gnome

I think what starts to change his mind though is when they meet Raphael on the road

I really do wish you could give Gur as a background, because even if Evie didn't grow up in the caravan, I do think just culturally she'd pick up on stuff

Not trusting devils I'm sure is top of the list

I wasn't expecting to have Evie so viscerally mistrusting of Raphael, but it felt right to play it that way

I'm not sure who he'd remind her of in her past, but I do think there is something beyond just him being a devil that rubs her the wrong way

Either way, her rejection of a devil's bargain that would not only enslave her, but likely them as well, even in exchange for a cure does re-color some things

Not sure where to insert this in the grand scheme of the narrative, but Evie did let Astarion open the door on the orger and hobgoblin

Evie's talking did not help in this situation

I know the narrative makes it clear what's happening, but I'm thinking Evie might have had a random ace blind spot moment

Like she's not totally naive about sex, but when it's usually the last thing on your mind (and you just talked with a devil), it's not the first thing you picture at the sound of banging

Not her smoothest moment; (honestly the sudden violence is a god send for everyone not to ask her more questions about it)

Either way, went back to the grove with some of the infernal iron and got Karlach stabilized at least

I love Karlach and Wyll's friendship, I support wholesome ships; low key starting to ship her with Dammon though

He's real cute, Karlach deserves a nice guy, and you know he'd roll with the punches

Another long rest later and we're here

The scene

I've been thinking about the build up to this scene

Obviously we know in origins it's after Astarion has a vision of Cazador and wanting to push the limits of his new found freedom by going against one of his rules

But I keep coming back to why Evie

Astarion can likely smell something being wrong with Gale's blood, Wyll just turned into a devil and would likely kill him, Karlach's blood is literal fire, and Lae'zel would also absolutely kill him

That leaves Shadowheart and Evie

Shadowheart is a big question mark to him; she follows Shar, maybe she might even like being bitten

But then there's Evie who has shown time and time again that she wants to help

This is about survival after all, and it would only be a taste

IDK, exploring it; add it to the list of possible future fics

But Evie obviously does wake up and does allow Astarion to bite her

As for Evie's motivations as to why, yes, Astarion is a prickly bastard, but he's in the same boat as the rest of them

If he wanted to hurt them, surely he would have done it by now

She recognizes the look in his eyes, Gods know she's worn it enough; the man is starving, the fact he hasn't done anything until now says a lot

This is definitely the shift in her and Astarion's relationship where they start to actually warm up to each other

So next morning gang wakes up, Evie stands up to Astarion saying she trusts him and heads out again towards the goblin camp; Shadowheart, Astarion and Lae'zel in toe

So Evie's current standing with the party;

Gale has disclosed his condition and gotten the first magical item; high rating with Evie, thinks of her as somebody who he can not only trust, but as someone who has shown bravery and true kindness (not to mention eloquence); maybe starting to form an...appreciation

Wyll has turned into a devil and certainly likes Evie, but maybe a little doubtful in her trust in Astarion and some dealings with the goblins

Shadowheart; genuinely trusts Evie as she's revealed her ambitions as a follower of Shar, and used the artifact in front of Evie in order to protect them from the influence of The Absolute (also might be starting to crush on her, but Evie has not been taking the opportunity to flirt)

Karlach: too soon to tell, but seems like a good person

Lae'zel: not a fan, too weak willed and doesn't know her place; talks too much

Astarion; unsure, certainly knows he can trust her now, to an extent; still too much of a bleeding heart, but then again, it's helped him; at the very least she knows to draw the line with devils and willing to kill to stay alive, over all a fair ally to have

Oh! I can't believe I forgot about my new best boy!

Scratch!

[petrichoraline]

they should have left august have genuine feelings for day imo like we already saw him kinda disappointed it was not a date with mork... the whole kiss thing felt so wrong they did day (and august too tbh) dirty

to start off, thank you for indulging me with a ltts message 🥰 also I hope this isn't too long, i havent had the time to seriously think about this episode so this is my chance 💓

throughout the episode I began wondering if august was a legitimate contender and the thought bothered me for a few reasons: i had been under the impression the plot isn't really about that; that there would be no space to fit in a love triangle of this size if other conflicts were to be explored and resolved. basically that mork and day would have enough on their plate without august in the picture and focusing on those two would only slow down the development of the main couple. I did find the thought of august's intentions being serious intriguing though, a bit frustrating, yes, but also interesting.

now, I had a bit of trouble understanding your point but im guessing you mean we already saw that day was disappointed the party wasn't a date so we're aware of his feelings and they are not aimed at august anymore? so it wouldn't have been an issue if august just continued liking day because day doesn't like him that way anymore, right? because I get that, it wouldn't have been the first time that's happened on screen haha but also that's exactly why I'm not that fond of the idea. day and august having a mutual crush and that going for a few episodes? THAT I find intriguing, an actual relationship trying to figure itself out while it's doomed by the narrative because it isn't the main romance.

but august having actual romantic feelings for day and stepping aside (because the show wants this couple dealt with by the end of the first half, apparently, and it would have cut him off somehow) would be something both sad and also, in my humble opinion, redundant. I've seen it before, it's just a bummer for everyone involved and I don't need it here.

what the plot actually did was very nice, as weird as it sounds. it gave us a character who loves his mate a lot. I do not doubt that august has strong feelings for day. everyone is pissed at him at the moment, day is hurt because there was pity, mork is angry because there was lack of consideration but that boy cares for day, a lot. i suppose there are feelings of guilt, they were on the court together when day lost his vision and then he didn't contact august for over a year. august probably felt some sort if personal responsibility for day's condition or for his behaviour towards him while they were partners, for the fact day felt he couldn't tell him the truth. so there is guilt and there is pity but also there is affection for a friend, for a partner, for the person alongside which you aimed for your dreams. they have a bond (and im sure people have expressed a lot about their sync and dynamic that I haven't picked up on but a bond is undeniable).

august tried to be a better person, a warm one, someone day doesn't recognise. he tried to be everything he wasn't before because thats what he decided day wants and needs. the night at the bar he was already feeling bad about leaving day to hang. on a side note, while the episode was airing i ran to check whether the cast was there that night and if it was on the same arm. it was. august didnt lie and im paranoid lmao anyways

the scene was crushing for mork and us, sure, but it was also very hard for august. he had had an accident, he couldn't contact day and still went as soon as he could after midnight. when he heard the confession he ran which honestly felt like an appropriate reaction - indicating he was there would make day embarrassed and pretending to come in later also wouldn't work because his partner who recently came back into his life with shocking news after ghosting him for a year suddenly confessed he's in love with him. while he's exhausted and hurt. of course the kid needed time to process what the fuck is going on! and he came back the very next morning, ready to make things right.

the issue stems from the fact he had no clue what right is, his underdeveloped brain told him to be a better friend than before but it went too far off in the direction of that thought and landed at "be what he wants you to be to a T" which includes, well, a romantic interest. and that's just not something you can force but alas, earnest, stupid august tried to check off everything on the "make day happy" list.

that boy ran off crying (I would too if mork glared at me like a maddog but still) because he kissed and got kissed by someone he didn't want such contact with ( the reciprocated kiss was A Lot for him) and then realised he'd hurt the person he wanted to satisfy in every way. his words indicate he didn't intend the kiss to be just one, that he wanted to actively change the way he feels about day, that he considered being his boyfriend. I figure he truly realised that was not an option while the kiss was happening hence why the second one had him running away again.

we know august is impulsive and earnest, his intentions were coming from a good place but he couldn't plan to save his life. he acts with his heart and so he was relying on falling for day till the end with no backup plan. it's either that or he knew before the kiss and intended it to be a single gift and I can't tell which is worse. in any case he was aware of the big possibility him and days weren't going to work out so his actions were majorly irresponsible.

the kiss had me screaming NOO literally and then the second one nearly had me gripping my hair, idek what sounds I made from the beginning till the end of that scene but "felt wrong" is something I can understand though it didd feel wrong but maybe not in the way you mean?

i didn't know nor suspect august's intentions and thought process so the kiss felt real to me and though I was against it as an avid morkday shipper, I didn't think that narratively it was bad. day was done dirty a 100% (though he gets mork acting on his feelings finally so..glass half full..?). let's not forget that mork actively supported day's perception of the situation as flirting - not his fault, that's what august was doing after all - but it's something that made the fall that much worse. day was getting hyped up by mork the way he was by gee ABOUT mork before that. he gets affected by his friends' opinions because he relies on them to read the other's body language and intentions. so there is this feeling of helplessness not only because of the pity that guided august's actions but the fact he couldn't assess the situation himself. so yes, for this and many other reasons, day was done dirty by every definition of the phrase.

but as for august and the plot I'm not so sure. august as a character is, to me, much more interesting as this confused and, frankly, unintelligent young man whose heart seems to be in the right place..? but whose actions are totally misguided than if he were, let's say, a good guy finally acting on his crush after years. I suppose he could've stopped before the kiss and told day the truth and maybe day would be a bit disappointed but definitely more forgiving and less heartbroken..

but then how would we see that day can help mork tame his anger with just a touch of the hand? and we needed an act so grotesque that would lead them to have a conversation that makes mork want to scream "I do not pity you, I haven't pitied you for a second, you are so strong and smart and loveable, i love you, how could you ever focus on a nobody like him when you are everything, you deserve so much more, how could you not know that, why did i ever let him near you, i should have never allowed for this to happen, i love you so much god I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU" (yes thats what those eyes at the rooftop said, idk what yall heard.)

i believe the charm of this scene and this whole conflict is that no one there is acting out of malice. it's just people doing what they think is right. mork stepping aside was not the right move technically but it fits his character and the plot as well. imo august wasn't done dirty, he was made interesting and also he isn't a bad guy. he did some really harmful shit but by the end of the scene i didn't feel an ounce of malice from him. there could still be love between the two but one that's not based around day walking on eggshells and one that doesn't rely on august to be something he is not. when they arent forced by the outside to be in close proximity and make things work, when they can just tease each other comfortably without taking all of the other's happiness and well-being as their own responsibility, thats when they could have a nice casual friendship with a lot of appreciation for the other. i believe him and day would reconcile at some point in the future when day is ready to forgive and august is ready to stop running.

[imminent-danger-came]

Hi there! So, I don't know if you’re in the mood to have your brain chemistry altered by the silly little lego show once more, or if you’ve just already done this, but I have a suggestion. Try watching the S4 special (specifically A Lifetime of Mistakes) for the millionth time, and then take that knowledge, along with the Wukong-Macaque/MK-Mei Hero and Warrior parallels we’ve been getting, and THEN go rewatch S1E6 AKA The Great Wall Race. Specifically through that particular lens.  

And just… enjoy watching the decisions they, especially MK, make during a situation where an immortality-granting object is on the line. Have no major thoughts about how this is the first real fight we see Mei and MK have. Experience absolutely zero strong emotions as you watch MK’s pursuit of that object lead to him destroying things that both of them love. Just… have a lovely, peaceful rewatch. 

But seriously, if you’re in the mood to let the silly little monkey show do its silly little monkey show thing, try rewatching that episode because it legitimately ruined my night. 

Like… it’s not a perfect, one-to-one comparison. There’s a lot of differences, both nuanced and obvious, that differentiate the two situations. 

But there’s something there and it’s been driving me insane, so feel free to come join me on the precipice of madness if you want.

*GRABS YOU*

I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS FOR DAYS. ANON, YOU GET ME IN A WAY THAT NO ONE ELSE DOES, WE ARE TOGETHER IN ARMS.

But anyways *puts on sunglasses* I always have zero emotions when it comes to the lego show. Me? Completely calm and collected. I totally didn't have a breakdown while rewatching 1x06 to write this post.

But, just to meander on by the precipice of madness...

Mei: "*gasp* My bike! What is wrong with you! I thought you were my friend!" MK: "Okay! I did bad! I just- I really wanted that peach and I guess I got carried away! You know how much I love stone fruit. *sigh* I was never gonna win though—you're the racer, not me. I'm sorry." Mei: "Yeah I know—just, don't be dumb next time, okay?" MK: "All I can do is try!"

(1x06 The Great Wall Race)

-

Even without the added context of s4, it's easy to put together that the whole reason MK wants the peach to begin with is to become more like Monkey King. Case in point, 1x09:

MK: "I just wanted to be good enough..."

"...like you."

(1x09 Macaque)

-

MK in seasons 1-2 is pushed by his motivation to live up to Monkey King's legacy—to become stronger. He wants to have the power to protect and help his friends, but this often causes more trouble than it fixes (1x01, 1x02, 1x06, 1x09, 2x03, 2x06, 2x10).

And so, MK reaching for immortality and wanting to be "good enough", instead harming the relationships he's trying to help?

Macaque: "No that's YOU! You're the one always running off! Looking for more power, more sources of immortality—you're the one who wouldn't quit while were were ahead! Not the great sage, he's got to drag EVERYONE else into his mess!"

-

MK: "Why didn't he just stop, right here? He was already so much stronger than anyone ever needed to be!" Macaque: "Wukong didn't think so. He always felt he had to be stronger—more immortal."

-

Sun Wukong: "I just wanted to protect the people I cared about—to be strong enough. I lost sight of why I was doing any of it."

-

It's like history is repeating itself.

Which, this all obviously has a strong connection to 1x06, but it also is a strong connection to 2x06:

MK: "It means I need to be stronger! Be so powerful, that it'd be certain defeat to fight me!" Sandy: "Maybe you need a break little man, just kick back for a bit." MK: "Uh, did Monkey King ever take breaks?"

(2x06 Game On)

-

Which,

Sun Wukong: "Daw, don't be like that! Eat some fruit, soak up the sun—that's why I've been training so hard! Macaque: "What, so you can be the strongest?" Sun Wukong: "No! Well...maybe a little bit—but that's not the point! It's so that we don't have to worry about anything or anyone ever again! Just live a lazy life sittin' in the sun and eatin' fruit, and doing whatever we want!"

(4x11 A Lifetime of Mistakes)

-

Did Monkey King ever take breaks?—well, he did. It's here we start to see both the similarities and the differences between SWK and MK. AND IT DRIVES ME INSANE. They both reach after power in paranoia. They both try to protect the people they care about (and sometimes they do that through lying/leaving). They both want things to stay the same. Yet, SWK is arrogant where MK is self conscious. SWK goes off alone where MK tries to do it together. SWK can't plan for shit where MK is the designated plan man.

Sun Wukong VS MK and Monkey King VS Monkey Kid. How are they similar and how are they different?

And then if you throw Wukong-Macaque/MK-Mei Hero and Warrior parallels into all of it?

Peng: "The six-eared Macaque fighting side by side with his own replacements! Is there anything Wukong could do that would break his hold over you?" (4x13 Rip and Tear)

Is there anything MK could do that would turn Mei against him? I feel that it's SO telling that Mei wasn't included in this conversation:

Yellow Tusk: "I know full well what would happen should Azure fail. But- but he is my brother. I owe him my life." Sandy: "We get it! I'd do anything to help my friends. But at the cost of the world?" Pigsy: "I'm sorry pal, but NOTHING worth that price!"

(4x14 Better Than We Found It)

-

And here's why Mei is going to be the one to calm MK down like MK calmed her down during 3x10—

[beansterpie]

For the ship ask game: 1, 4, 34 and 39 for agohiru ❤️❤️

HEHEEH TY more excuses to talk about these gd idiots <3

1.) Describe their first date.

Ooohhh weirdly enough, this isn't something I've actually thought about before. And it sort of depends on what we're calling a date here-- if we're being tongue-in-cheek and calling any outing where the two of them do something they enjoy a date, then you could argue their time in middle school beating people up and gathering blackmail was a sort of date lol. BUT I'm going to go with like, a proper date that was planned as such, presumably after they get together.

Hmm. Agon would plan it, considering he's the one with (oodles of) experience when it comes to planning and going on dates. I could see him low key doing it as a way to stake claim on Hiruma lol, like as marker of a legitimate relationship. Trouble is ofc that Agon's never cared about any of the people he's dated before (if he even considered what he did before actual 'dating'. From what we know, it kind of seemed like he did it to stroke his ego and get laid and leech off of them financially), so his past experience might not be all that helpful lol.

And if it's a first date, it probably happens while they're keeping their relationship on the down low, during uni. I don't think Hiruma would care that much one way or another if people find out they're dating, but Agon definitely would care (✨homophobic bi boy✨), so he wouldn't want to be seen doing anything stereotypically date-like anywhere they might run into people they know.

Lol maybe they go out to eat and catch a movie in a different city, then end the night doing something ~romantic~ like walking through a light show or something. Hiruma is very obviously bored the whole time and doesn't try to hide it, and Agon gets pissed at him for being an asshole but he's secretly also really bored, and in the end they coincidentally run into a rival football team, or maybe a gang, and mutually have much more fun terrorizing them. That sounds about right tbh.

-------------

This got really long, so the rest under the cut!

4.) Who initiates affection? Why does the other not initiate affection as much?

Definitely Agon lol. Not that he's some sweet, affectionate guy or anything, but simply because everything is relative and Agon would be the clingier one.

But really, neither of them would be all that affectionate. At the very least, not at first lol. As they get more physically comfortable with each other throughout their relationship though, I could see Agon initiating more casual physical contact (like throwing his arm over Hiruma's shoulder) as well as like, 'casually' cuddling up to him in more intimate moments lol. And Hiruma returns the affection by allowing it, which is saying a lot for Hiruma who seems to avoid affectionate physical touch like a prickly cat.

And beyond the physical, they'd show affection for one another through bantering and spending time together. I can imagine Agon arguing with Hiruma over some stupid bullshit because that's what they do, but as soon as someone else tries to butt in, they're a united front. (Or at least Agon attempts to be a united front, whether Hiruma goes along with it is entirely dependant on his whim lol) Including each other in stuff, doing schemes™ together, that sort of thing, I think would mean a lot to both of them.

34.) Do they have any inside jokes?

Probably! I imagine they would have had quite a few from when they hung out in middle school, but that all would have been soured during the intervening years after their Break Up™. So if one of them brought up an old inside joke between them post-canon, once they'd buried the hatchet and were tentatively hanging out again (ESPECIALLY if the inside joke came from Hiruma, I think), it would be kind of a big deal lol.

As to the flavor of their inside jokes, a lot of it would probably be referencing people they've terrorized in the past, lets be real.

39.) When and how did they admit that they loved each other? If they haven’t yet, why?

Hmmm admitting to each other or admitting to themselves?

I think it'd be sort of a gradual thing for both of them, though in different ways. Agon, for instance, would deny it both inwardly and outwardly at first, insisting that they're just hooking up, but once he gets comfortable with the arrangement and the closer proximity, I think he'd forget to deny it to himself so much lol. And then eventually there'd be a moment where Agon's feelings are just so blatant that even trying to deny it would seem pointless and more importantly, a pain in the ass, so he doesn't. He'd absorb it into how he sees himself and fuck anyone who has a problem with it.

With Hiruma... he's the kind of guy who will quite abruptly make a decision and then stick with it through thick and thin. Not to say he'd 'decide' that he was in love with Agon all of a sudden, but the way I imagine their relationship going is they tentatively reconcile after the world cup, and then start hanging out more, and then start hooking up in uni. Hiruma wouldn't have actually seen it coming when Agon first comes onto him, but then he chooses to go along with it probably because it was unexpected, and he finds that interesting.

Eventually though, I think it'd really sink in that Agon is actually invested in this relationship, in him, and he's not just fucking around on a whim that he can ditch once he gets bored, and that would shift Hiruma's perspective on things. I think he'd be more willing to relax into their relationship at that point, and then ~love~ would gradually but comfortably sneak up on him lol.

That being said, I don't think there'd be any dramatic declarations of love from either of them. tbh I feel like they'd date and continue sharing their lives in what more or less seems like a committed relationship to everyone else (and of course there'd be plenty of ups and downs during this time because they're both allergic to expressing their feelings), but they've never said 'I love you' rip. Then years down the line during a totally mundane moment, one of them (probably Agon) would casually say it, and Hiruma would laugh and say something like, "you only just realized that now? keep up dreads". And that would be that!

-----

Tyyyyy for sending an agohiru ask! Sorry this was SO late lol

[bushmasterxm]

Rambling blogrant of a ruminative vagrant: Tech Literacy

It feels like tech literacy nowadays, especially with younger generations and those who lack computers, is nonexistent. I'm not referring to those who legitimately just can't afford that stuff, and I'm also referring to gen alpha or extremely early gen-z. There have been stories and reports detailing how technology literacy has been going down over the years, with certain occasions explaining that some people don't even know how to create folders, open applications that require you to double click, or troubleshoot simple problems. I could technically go on about how since phones and tablets are more commonly used by younger people, that they've adapted to using the operating system and features of a phone, but that's not necessarily true. I had a phone at a very young age and even then could understand basic technology, considering a phone IS a piece of technology. When I got my first laptop, obviously I had troubles but that's because I was a child still in the single digits using a buggy windows 7 computer, but even to this day I can still say that just using a computer and seeing what happens can really help with improving tech literacy on a base level. I do think that should be taught in schools, or at home even. I was lucky personally, since my stepdad who knows everything about computers and then some taught me all that I wanted to know. But even with that, I feel like there should be a little bit of a teaching with making sure you don't get malware or delete system32, and god forbid you make the mistake of using Microsoft Edge (Explorer if you have a really old system) as your main browser. I think that the debate of "Media literacy is ceasing to exist" is a flawed argument, that's what Language Arts/English class is about? Meanwhile if you want to know the basics about computers, you have to either navigate an unfamiliar plane of digital landscapes that you're horrifyingly new to, or you have to go out of your way to sign up for Computer Science related classes, which don't even help in certain cases. I would know; I've taken Computer Science every chance I've had at school and the kids in my class were hopeless. But I do truly think that tech literacy is a dying skill that badly needs to be retaught to a good portion of our beloved, computer owning civilization. Before someone replies something like "Well, there's so many reasons someone may not be tech literate!", I'm fully aware of that. I already brought up not owning a computer in which you can learn those skills, and I'm aware someone may not have the time or resources to learn that on their own or at a school building, but we're discussing everyday people like you and me, typing away on our computers.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Here's a fun article. DO'D shares ten links to things on the internet that he finds funny. I watched all the clips tonight, which made for an enjoyable evening of both watching things that ranged from baffling to mildly amusing to very funny, and of enjoying the fact that David O'Doherty picked them.

There was only one thing on the list that I'd seen before, and what an excellent pick. I've gone off panel shows a lot compared to the way I was a few years ago, I now remember spending mid-2020 watching every single episode of 8 Out of 10 Cats and Catsdown within about six weeks and wonder why that seemed like a good idea. But I stand by some of it. I still have a great fondness for early Jon Richardson (how generous I am with when I'd consider his strong "early" period to end depends on mood on a given day). I still think Sean Lock was breath-takingly funny. Catsdown was a funny show for the first bunch of seasons. 8 Out of 10 Cats was not, it was almost never good, but they did strike some excellent chemistry once they threw Sean and John together and I will never get tired of re-watching the best moment to ever appear on that show:

I enjoyed David O'Doherty deciding Carrot In a Box was special enough to include on this list, even though the list is clearly meant to be for offbeat indie humour and not large Channel 4 panel show. Carrot in a Box transcends boundaries.

My two favourite things on the list that I hadn't seen before were Simon Bird and Claudia O'Doherty:

Simon Bird surprised me because I saw student comedy and I figured it would be a sort of novelty thing where part of the humour comes from laughing at him for being so young and different to how he is now. But nope, it was just legitimately very funny. I was sorry I hadn't seen it before and glad DO'D directed me to it. Also, this was a year before The Inbetweeners started airing, I hadn't realized he was still in university so soon before it. Seems surprisingly young, though when I think about it, I guess being a year out of university is still a bit old to play a high school kid.

That Claudia O'Doherty + Natasia Demetriou sketch was really funny too, I've done some CO'D trips through YouTube but hadn't seen that one before. Obviously this rec reminds me that DO'D/CO'D being locked in a radio studio all night with Daniel Kitson back in 2006/07/08 would be somewhere on my list of offbeat, out-of-the-box choices for funniest things I've ever heard (after the fairly judgmental post I made last night about finding it annoying when comedians talk about their relationship, DO'D/CO'D is my proof that I don't always object to that, it helps if they're annoying about it in a way that's intentional and self-aware), and it's lovely that 17 years later he's still called her the funniest person he knows. The sketch made me laugh, Claudia and Natasia were both very funny in it. She's right, magic is stupid (I may be willfully misinterpreting the sketch through the filter of my own views).

Besides that, on the list there is a sketch that's probably funny if you ever watch cricket. A couple of videos where I feel like I'm missing some important context, probably related to Irish TV, that would explain why they're so funny. And Instagram account, and I think it's probably one of my unreasonable old person opinions that I have trouble with people referring to a social media account as a piece of comedy on par with a stand-up routine or sketch or something like that, but mascots during moments of silence definitely are funny. There's a video of Irish donkeys where I do not understand the point but I'm glad David O'Doherty's had a good time watching it.

There's this, which confuses me, and I definitely don't think it's the masterpiece that DO'D seems to think it is, but I did enjoy watching it:

I'm not sure how much I enjoyed that one personally, I felt like I could really see why DO'D found it so funny. It seems like very DO'D-style humour, even though DO'D whole thing is being lowkey and this video is not particularly lowkey. If you took those lyrics - and that style of delivering them - out of the giant band and transposed them to a lowkey plastic keyboard, I could see this being the foundation of a DO'D song.

On an only very tangentially related note, I was listening to an episode of the John/Elis radio show today, and they were talking about when you accidentally send a text message to the wrong person, and Elis said David O'Doherty has a song like that. Which he does, but what surprised me is that the producer Vin was the one who immediately jumped in and supplied the title and summary of the song.

I'd been thinking for some time that Vin can hold his own with comedians surprisingly well for a guy who's not involved in comedy (to be honest he'll sometimes get to the joke or punchline in a situation faster than Elis does). A while ago I heard him express interest in Andy Zaltzman, and I assumed this must be because he's a cricket fan (I have, since making that post, heard him mention cricket several times, so I've confirmed that that's not just an assumption I invented based on his race), because he's come to this comedy radio show via radio and music, not via comedy. But now he's out there referencing David O'Doherty songs, and I'd like to apologize to Producer Vin for not expecting him to know about comedy. The song about sending a text to the wrong person isn't a particularly deep O'Doherty cut, he plays it a lot, but still. Impressive reference, if you happen to be the sort of person who's impressed by Chocolate Milk Gang references, which I am. Made me like Vin even more, I'm going to miss him when they move to the BBC. Which is too soon. I only have about 40 Radio X episodes left. It seems infinite when I started and now I'm running out. For some reason I feel like the BBC ones won't be as good. I don't want to run out of Radio X. It's okay, the audiobook will add 12 extra hours.

...I've veered pretty far off topic here, the main takeaway from this post is that you should watch the lethally meta Simon Bird student routine, and the Claudia O'Doherty/Natasia Demetriou sketch. You can watch the other things from the article if you want to, as I did, but I mainly recommend those. And obviously everyone should be re-watching Carrot in a Box at regular intervals anyway, for your health.

[pocketgalaxies]

okay i have a confession...i never liked ashton...i tried, especially when we found out he has chronic pain and a legitimate reason for being an asshole...but i just can't get on board with him and often roll my eyes at his scenes. and that last convo with laudna made me so frustrated bc it seemed like he was totally emotionally dismissive and wanted to play the "i had it worse" olympics. i've never disliked a cr character before and i don't know what to do about it. any advice? or anything that you particularly like about ashton that could help me get on board a little?

hi anon thanks for asking! unfortunately i can't help you a huge amount because i also! have never liked ashton and have historically had trouble finding reasons to like them. but i will try my best to help

well the first thing i'd say is i don't think you need to find reasons to get on board with ashton. interrogating your feelings about a character is always good to take in the full depth of their behavior, but if you go through that whole process and you STILL don't like them then maybe they just aren't your cup of tea. which is totally valid and acceptable!!! and i know it's not easy to dislike something about a show you love so much, but i'd say just try and sit with that and tell yourself that you're allowed. there are so so many fish in the cr sea and you're far from expected to love each one

that being said if you still want to hear my thoughts here they are! (it got very very long)

i've seen a few people mentioning that ashton might've intentionally started that conversation with laudna because he knew she specifically would be in the position to shoot them down. a sort of self-inflicted scolding, i think. watching the ep, i also got the sense that he was intentionally trying to upset her by bluntly phrasing things to dig into her trauma and i think it makes sense based on what we know about them. maybe he wanted someone to yell at him and tell him he's being weak (in a lot of ways similar to early-c2 caleb's pervasive self-hatred driving him to intentionally seek out places/people with which he is made to feel like shit). or maybe he needed someone else to look him in the eye and tell him "stop hiding and let the people around you help you." maybe they needed a reason to say out loud that they're only with the hells bc they're using them, because that's the only way they can hear themself and how ridiculous and false that sounds. who knows! regardless, i think it's uninformed to say that tal wasn't doing this on purpose. it means something, and it opened up something that will most certainly have some growth and ultimately resolution later

this is kinda separate but we could also get into the details of his word choice, like what did he mean by "i know a loneliness that you don't" was he just talking about a certain kind of loneliness that he perceives to be distinct from the loneliness that many other of the party members have experienced? (worth pointing out that bells hells is a party full of people defined by their loneliness in many ways. food for unrelated thought) is it true that ashton's loneliness is unique to them and no one else in the party? is it even meaningful to put people's loneliness into different boxes? how has loneliness affected the way they distance themself from some people vs. the way they latch protectively onto other people? maybe those questions are of interest to you!

i think ashton is a very meaty character with a lot of complicated stuff going on and tal loves to create characters like this, characters defined by arrogance or a self-aggrandizing belief in their own suffering, or characters who are intentionally and unrelentingly abrasive. they become likable and compelling because of the underlying context and past and often conflicting and changing behavior over time.

it's just that those types of characters will always be a little polarizing, and i personally have a LOT of trouble enjoying tal's characters, because that's just my personal preference. they are complicated and juicy but they historically just do not do it for me. i was very incensed by that conversation with laudna because i am a laudna stan above all else and i thought ashton was being Awful to her, even if i can understand that they knew they were being awful and had reasons to be that way. the important thing is that i recognize it's a double-standard in my own mind and i know that about myself, and i'm not being a willingly narrow-minded jerk to the fans who like ashton and were thrilled by the convo. but i don't have to feel forced to like them and read/reblog meta about how sad they actually are etc etc. you know what i mean?

anyway at the risk of going on a tangent where i complain about that convo for no real reason related to your question, i will stop talking now. hope this helps in some way or another! your feelings are valid and you definitely are not alone in struggling with this character, if the posts and tags i've seen the past few days are any indication. just be nice to people and it will be all good. cr characters are fictional but cr fans are not <3

[darkmasterofcupcakes]

What are five pros and five cons you would give to Hazbin Hotel?

Gonna start with the cons, because I like to end on a positive note.

The Pacing. This was something I had a feeling was going to be a weakness of the show from the time I saw the trailer and learned that the first season was going to involve the next Extermination, especially when it was confirmed the season was only going to be eight episodes long. The twist in the first episode that the next Extermination was happening in half the time helped a little, but it still meant we skipped over months between episodes, with it being implied important stuff did happen that we just didn't see.

While I think it's better than Helluva Boss in balancing it's main cast (I love that show, but the uneven attention given between all of the main characters is one of the biggest issues it has), it still has some trouble with making all the characters feel fully like "people"? Niffty probably being the biggest example, since I love her, but right now she feels more like a living punchline than a real character.

The tone can sometimes be just a little...off with how it feels like we're supposed to feel. Best example being Sir Pentious death. The characters react to it like it was a serious event, because for them, it was...but the death itself was treated as kind of a joke? And I understand the show is a sort of dark comedy, so to an extent I expect stuff like that. But I think at that moment, the switch from "joke" to "you're supposed to seriously grieve this character" felt a bit too abrupt?

This is a completely personal thing, but as I've mentioned before, I don't love the whole sideplot of Sir Pentious having a crush on Cherri Bomb? It felt like it came out of nowhere, whereas most of the other relationships that seem to be a thing in the show were at least given hints in the Pilot. And it's just another example of the pacing being break-neck, since they had Cherri not show up until episode 6 of 8, and then Pentious dies in the finale, so they had basically two episodes (and not even full ones, just some scenes) to try and convince me of a romance, and, maybe it's just my arospec self, but....I couldn't really get convinced at all.

It's kinda hard for me to really think of issues I really have with the show, so I gotta kinda cheat a bit with this last one, since I can't help but wonder if they would've left the scene out had they known from the start of production that they'd get more seasons, but I personally don't love the whole stinger that reveals Pentious ended up in Heaven after Adam killed him? Not so much because I don't like the idea that he ended up there - I like that part. But I kind of feel like his death would have had a bit more impact if the audience did genuinely think he was gone for good for longer than like...fifteen minutes.

And now for the things I loved about Hazbin Hotel

The songs are arguably the biggest highlight of the whole series for me. I don't think there's a single one that I wouldn't happily listen to, whether in or out of context. From what I've seen I apparently don't have as high of an opinion of some songs as others, but I legitimately love all of them. I don't think there's anything I could say about any of the songs in this show that could be considered anything close to a real critique.

All of the characters are an absolute blast to watch. Yes, some of them don't have the most depth so far, but that doesn't change the fact that I just love to watch them whenever they're on screen? And it's not just the main cast, either. Obviously I love all of them, but even with fairly limited screen time, I found myself absolutely adoring whenever I got to see characters like Carmilla Carmine, Zestial, Velvette, and Rosie on screen. And all of the characters are so interesting and fun to imagine in different scenarios. And since I'm a writer, that is one of the biggest pros a series can have.

While the show is arguably more of a comedy, it is actually very good, in my opinion, dealing with some pretty serious topics when it wants to. The biggest example is Angel Dust's struggles with what he goes through thanks to Valentino, but you also have things like Vaggie's past and how her hiding that effected her relationship with Charlie when the truth got revealed. Or the whole thing of how it's implied most of Heaven didn't know about the Exterminations and that being revealed to them caused a lot of tensions, particularly between Emily and Sera. Or even just the whole thing of how Carmilla discovered how to kill Angels...but doesn't want it to be known what she did because she doesn't want to cause a war and lose her daughters, when the whole reason she learned that Angels could be killed was because she wanted to save them.

The character designs are some of the best I've seen in a long time. It really feels like the team took full advantage of the fact that it seems like there's no set rule for how demons can look in their version of hell, and so they went absolutely nuts with it, in the best possible way. Pretty much every single character has an incredibly unique design, and they're all just so fun to see. It makes the whole world feel so much more alive....slightly ironically considering it's the main setting is full of people who are technically all dead.

Outside of the one I mentioned above, I really like how basically all of the relationships in the show are handled, from the romantic to the platonic to the familial. They are all extremely varied and obviously some get more real attention than others, but all are given enough focus and attention that you always get the sense that the characters care for each other very deeply, especially by the end. And because you feel those bonds, you are even more effected by what the characters go through, because you feel like you're part of that group of people who care for one another. And I love that it also applies to the villains, with how Lute was clearly devestated by Adam's death, following the show indicating they were close, but usually showing them in what seemed to be a mostly "professional" relationship.

[itookyoudown]

tagged by @willowmckinley. thanks justie!

Rules: Go to your published works on AO3 and list the first fic you ever published there, the last fic you published, any fic that you wrote for a fandom/ship only once, your favorite fic you wrote in the fandom/ship that has the most works, the fic you wish more people read, the fic you agonized over the most, the fic that sprang fully formed from your mind without any effort, and a work you are proud of—for whatever reason.

First fic I ever published: and i would be the one (to hold you down). legit never thought i'd ever write fanfiction, but here we are lol. i also never would have finished this without the encouragement and support of the writers in the justified discord :)

Last fic I published: if you only kneel when you’re in trouble, you’re in trouble. bingo fic my beloved. this one was really fun. it was a tragedy that nobody had written dan/raylan fic, so i was happy to fix that. i also loved exploring all the bdsm AU worldbuilding that i've been casually rolling around in my head since i first learned about bdsm AUs.

A fic that I wrote for a fandom/ship only once: last night i felt (real arms around me). i feel unclean calling this a "ship" in a proper sense because it might be quarles/tim but it's an assault, not a relationship. i was fending off demons while writing this one. i had to go to a very, very dark place to get into quarles' head space and i'm in no rush to go back any time soon. i will someday, because i do think quarles is an excellent villain, but i can't write him on a lark.

A fic I wish more people read: Hm. Probably mother is god in the eyes of the child. and i know why that is lol. it's a drabble and an ode to my distaste for the saintly dead mother trope. but i'll always be hungry for fics, no matter how small, that explore both boyd's mother, and frances too, as fully realized + complicated people. so, i wish more people would read this fic for selfish reasons - go read it and then write more drabbles with your headcanons about boyd's mama so i can read them!

The fic I agonized over most: just a violence, like any other. i yo-yoed hard over submitting this one for the chocobox event. i was legitimately nervous about potential backlash and even had a wild fear people might leave the server or something because of the subject matter (yes lol at me i am lol-ing now at the memory). i did get anon hate for it, but not from any event participants or anyone on the justified server (well as far as i know). i've actually received a lot of very touching feedback for this one. it was the first time i was publicly open about the fact that i had a headcanon that tim is a SA and incest survivor. it's a character study + trauma aftermath fic and it's very personal to me. this was a survivor 4 survivors narrative and i didn't hold back or sanitize anything about it. so, yeah, this one was a painful decision to publish but i'm very grateful i went through with it!

A fic that sprung fully formed from my mind without any effort: matcha. kerri's fic was just SO GOOD and when she gave me permission to write tim's viewpoint of this story i just went off. i wrote this one in a rushed flurry between hospital visits. two days, i think? most of it was written on my phone too.

A fic I am proud of, for any reason: kiss the mouth which tells you. because it's one of the best pieces i've ever written and will ever write for raylan & boyd's dynamic / their relationship ... but it's pre-ot3 fic and all about them wanting to fuck tim. i'll never stop finding that hilarious lol.

tagging @sublightsleeper @empathieves @allmysinsremembered @rudeflower @powderkegging @im-not-thinking-confetti-cannons

[crystalelemental]

Rune Factory 5 is going to be the death of me.

I'm at the Forest of No Return at this point, and things are simultaneously going really smoothly and really badly.  On the one hand, equipment is unreasonably good.  I made a Wind Cloak, which is astonishingly low level for the stats it provides, and now we're all basically immune to damage.  Even bosses are dealing maybe a couple hundred.  I managed to forge excellent twin swords as well, which covers Alice and Hina perfectly, and a Spiked Hammer that makes Beatrice somehow even stronger than I am without an elemental affinity.  I haven't been able to upgrade Elsja's punching gloves, but we'll get to that.

Town friendship is going well, if a bit slow.  Everyone except for Ludmila is level 5 friendship, and Heinz recently had salted rainbow trout as part of his rotating stock, so I bought several to give Ludmila over the next few days to speed that process up.  My wife pushed past my progress, so I know full well another character drops in the town if I do the forest and subsequent section, ruining this progress.  I'm on hold until then.

Which means it's time for sidequests!  Part of it is building up crop levels, which is going okay.  Spinach is level 9 and Kumo has a quest for level 10, so provided my sickle can get to 10, we're in business.  I am less than optimistic, however.  The bigger issue is the other side quests, which are steadily killing me to death.

One is making a gigantic vegetable.  I don't know if Spinach isn't able to become giant, or if I'm doing something wrong, but the Gigantizer isn't working.  Priscilla tells you "when they mature," which I thought meant before fully grown, but that wasn't it.  I tried again with fully grown spinach, but that didn't work either.  So I'm kinda stumped on how to pull this off.  I guess I could try with the corn?  I legitimately don't know what to do with it.

Then there's the tree seeds.  Ryker mentioned wanting oranges, and after like three weeks of having no idea how to find oranges, I cracked and looked it up.  Turns out, there are two completely hidden locations where you can randomly find seeds for apples, oranges, grapes, and general lumber with twinkle trees.  I have found zero orange seeds.  It's been over a week.  I have so many twinkle trees and grapes, but zero oranges.  I need to find these soon, none of the trees do well in winter and Ryker wants goddamned 20 oranges, I don't think I have that kind of time.

Around all this, there's supposed to be a looming typhoon.  My wife told me hers hit in summer, and I'm bracing for that one.  I tend to skip a lot of introductory dialogue since it's repetitive, but I think I skipped Hina mentioning her mom sensing the typhoon coming in, because everyone else was also talking about a big storm...but the next day was a festival so it was super sunny and nice, and now nothing is happening, and I'm wondering if the holiday negated the typhoon and I spent over 200k on Wettable Powder for nothing.

But the grand supreme champion of frustration...is Palmo.  Upgrading shops is wildly expensive.  Not by actual cost, mind you.  In sheer money dollars, I have so much raw cash I could buy every upgrade twice over.  Not even with Seed points, although those are rarer.  With the newest badges, I can farm Seed points whenever I wish, and it's honestly not too much trouble.  No, I'm talking about lumber and stone costs.  The first upgrades were sane.  The second were pricey, but could be achieved.  3000 lumber is downright ludicrous.  Those Twinkle Trees better be packing lumber on the order of 500+ if this is to be in any way achievable.  I've heard Heinz' rotating stock can carry it, but at 500 gold per piece, we're looking at 1.5 million gold per upgrade, for something to the order of 9 million for all upgrades.  This is assuming you can even hold that much on your person in a day, given his rotating stock only opens around 3, and he closes shop at 6.  Just by volume that feels like a multi-day project.  It's outlandish.

I know a lot of this probably isn't required, and I'm reaching the point I very well may consider it optional and move on with my life.  The postgame is also in question.  I don't have any true opposition, but at present there are just too many factors hindering my general progress that I can't even think about that right now.  Between lack of oranges, lack of any substantial progress toward renovating the town, and inability to move forward on story until we get Ludmila to friendship rank 5, I'm kinda souring on the game a bit.

[medusa-fem]

Personal post, vent/emotional

Explaining radical feminism to my partner has been an odd experience. He wants to learn, and he'll listen no matter how long I ramble, he has real questions and curiosity where I can tell he wants to see the world through my eyes, but I know it's not possible for a male to understand.

Last night we were having yet another conversation about sex. We had a 2 week break due to a health thing on my end, and finally tried again two nights ago. I was really anxious and I took a medication I have for when my anxiety gets serious. When I mentioned to him last night that I could not fully remember what all happened, he had this look on his face, and I realized I fucked up (Important to note I also have DID, and I believe it was a mix of my medication, and switching during sex.) He always tells me I don't ever have to have sex with him every time I mention being worried or anxious, but this time I explained to him how sex really is for me. I explained that no matter how much I love him, how much I enjoy it, every time it is mentally exhausting because I'm actively fighting back against memories and triggers. I feel like I'm spending all my energy just to not dissociate. I explained to him no matter how sweet he is that this obligation is something I need to unlearn after years of abuse by males, all the way from being brain washed by my grandfather to dating trans women who treated me like an evil person if I didn't want to sleep with them. As the conversation stretched on I began to talk to him about how I am learning about and support the idea of separatism, and knowing how bad some marriages go for heterosexual women, I have a lot of feelings to process right now because I'm consciously choosing to take a risk even though I know men are dangerous partners. He tries to be reassuring, but I think hearing how I feel shook him. He cannot understand such conflicts when his love for me holds no conceivable danger, whereas I'm explaining to him that I feel I could be at risk simply due to his upbringing in the patriarchy and all the ways he will never understand my reality as a female.

Today, kind of out of the blue, he said "you know if you ever want to see a woman again we can have that conversation, it seems like you miss it". I know it comes from a place of love for me, he doesn't want a threesome or anything like that, he legitimately would just rather open the relationship than lose me. The trouble is that that does mean he doesn't fully understand the conversation we had last night. I don't need sex to be happy, it's not that I'm craving a woman romantically in my life, it's that I'm so scared some day I might end up with a husband I don't recognize anymore. It's a lot to process, and it makes it clear he doesn't quite get how I'm feeling.

He's trying so hard to be supportive but I'm at a point where I think I need to sit him down and just have a talk about boundaries and limits. He's never done a thing wrong by my standards, but I think he's in a place where he just needs to know what I expect of him because he's just as scared as I am that I'm going to leave him because of all I'm learning. It's hard because I adore him, but I think the only way I'm going to feel safe dating a man is having a lot of hard conversations and making sure he understands that I will leave the first time any boundaries get crossed, even if it's a thing as common as hearing rape apologist rhetoric come from him. I want to stay, I love him so much I can't imagine my life without him, but if I truly want to build a life with a male in our society, I need to know that he comprehends feminism enough that I'd trust him to raise a child in my absence. If I want children some day with this man, then I need to know that if I were ever not around that he would be able to raise a daughter the way I would. I wish love didn't have to be scary, but this is my best friend, and I've not been given reason yet to doubt him beyond his sex, I just hope he never proves my trust wrong.

[universal-kitty]

Alright. The Solasposting is going beneath the cut- as written as it was on Discord- because if I try to force myself to make any of those into something that makes sense enough for a text post... I'm probably just going to put it off forever. 😔

And if my server has to hear it, then y'all are gonna have to, too!!!

Okie, let's go-

I am getting scruffed by the back of my neck by Solas OTL

His angst compels me.

—

HE’S SO ANGSTY BUT THE HEARTACHE IS SO BITTERSWEET…..

And like. Not even bad… The sweet aspects are haunting my brain.

—

[once I got onto my laptop-]

Like. The whole thing of keeping secrets. Carrying the guilt of failing a whole people, and trying to right it, while only able to ever seemingly select wrongs. Had he even loved anyone, before it all? Certainly not during it; by the time Solas was awake again, guilt was consuming him in waves. He was weak, and could only put together a history he'd missed... Regrets formed out of a love for the people he was most fond of.

...And yet, it's out of those broken people that they happened. Idc on anyone being like, "I want to romance him as [other race]," THE POINT IS the poignance of him looking at an "echo" of his true people (an elf!!), and yet..... He knows he shouldn't, and yet.......

I am ILL with the fact that he loves the Inq. I've seen a post arguing/wondering it. He does. Does he love them more than trying to correct his prior mistake...? Alas, no. AND YET HE DOES LOVE THEM!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHH

—

OH, OH AND I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO MENTION....... My favorite.

Cam's my P1 for my Dragon Age experience. Playing as an elven mage, cause fuck it, I'll be everything he wants me to be. No regrets, babeyyyy!!!!

Anyways.

—

The same mf who's like. "Oh, we shouldn't." / "I don't want to lead you on or encourage these things."

Is the same mf who attempts to dissuade romance/interest in him and then initiates both of the kisses I've seen so far.

HE'S REALLY OVER HERE LIKE, "We shouldn't................ Unless-? "

{ Edit / Note: Funnier bc I half-lied here?? By accident?? Technically, the first kiss goes to Inq. for kissing him in the first place; they're the one to jump the minor, street blockade to kiss him in the first place!!! BUT-!!!! When their confidence to continue and pursue it further fails more than a...rather chaste kiss, Solas is the one to shake his head, and pull them in for more.

{ He very much did not have to!! He has a temporary regret over it, even, how he caved right quickly to his desires...and yet, if Inq gives the nudge of, "No, I do want this," he doesn't...stop it, either. He relents just as quickly.

{ ...I think he's just very funny (in a "I'm going feral over the Meanings" kind of way) that... For someone who's got so much going on. Looots of baggage he was hesitant to share? He really doesn't hold himself back as much as he gives HIMSELF credit for..... LOL! I love him so fiercely. }

Waking up randomly at 7 AM with full consciousness to go:

Also. For someone who brings so much hurt, he never hurts the Inquisitor….

Like. There are no fights. He can be a bit on edge or defensive, but the moment he is called out for it/pointed out, he apologies, puts down his hang-ups, and continues to speak with clarity on whatever was troubling him.

He’s not wholly truthful, of course; he had doubts until the end if he could trust his own love…..

But holy fuck, you can call him out on that.

In the DLC, you can legit point out to him, “Did you think I’d reject you? That I wouldn’t hear your side?”

I’m so. Hhhh- [posi]

{ Note: Yes, I did legitimately wake up with full consciousness one morning. Go, "Solas! I need to talk about Solas," and then wrote all of that. In one go. The powers of this romance arc, ig!! }

—

I get to sit front seat and watch this all go down with my chara… Agony. /aff

Worth it, tho. I got into this series for this damn egghead, and I’m not backing down, even knowing all I know!!!

—

…also The Veilguard is on its way, and. Our prior relationship to Solas- in Inq- is going to matter and…I keep wondering to how much of a degree????

Literally been half-begging Cam that our first chara in Veilguard is in the same world as my Solasmancer…just to see what that’d mean for Veilguard… (It’s also been 10 yrs in game?? Is my Inq okay?? Solas, are you still keeping an eye on them????)

—

Lines that've been haunting me:

Lavellan sometimes came awake from dreams in which her lover watched her sadly from across an endless distance. If they were more than simple dreams, she could not say, for every time she reached for him, he vanished into nothing.

—

And fun fact-!! In an era where elves were long lived and, essentially, immortal, they lost their hair after a millennia of age! (Solas falls into this category, of course.)

—

He also doesn't like tea. I am finding that oddly charming abt him...

—

I am. Trying not to cry in public AS IT ALL CLICKS—

The obsession not just w/ the angst, but the specific flavor of, “Let me love you. I want to love you, so please… Let me in. (You love me, too, and I won’t let you run from that.)”

[SCREAMS!!!!!]

—

I want to hold his stupid (lovely) hand and pull the damn cork on all he’s been holding back, so I can hear his stories!! The history he was there for, without trying to obfuscate the truth of it!!!

I can’t handle this, what da hell……………

MORE FUN FACTS ABT SOLAS!!!!!

He has worn a wig before!!! He tried to fake being a bard, was succeeding....except his dumbass wasn't drinking the tea he ordered...and he later admits, "Yeah, I was trying to not be obvious in every way, but, uh.... Yeah, still don't like tea. LOL"

Anyways, this is relevant bc he wore a wig as part of his disguise!! It was blonde and fluffy, apparently. (And they recently confirmed he probably still has it, ehehe)

—

I REALLY-

Anyways. I'm too badly down for the elf.

—

Trying to do my damned Elvhen language study and.

Person went into talks over how words sharing meanings work w/ the confession Solas did. The feelings hit so hard, I legit feel unwell, ahaha. /lh (It's not srs!! We are fine.)

—

I'm. Hggghhhhgghgh.

—

WHATEVER, I'm sharing my agonies w/ everyone here:

For example, the now loved phrase that Solas tells the player in a romance: "Ar lath 'ma vhen'an." While in the game it is written as "Ar lath ma vhen'an," I believe this is incorrect (I am love you home? huh?). In this case, 'ma is a contraction of mine. Translated literally it would mean "I am love, my home," (remember, 'to be' can be implied). It should be noted that 'home,' has many translations within Elvhen, as they are a very symbolic people. They have a different word for the literal (arla), conceptual (in), and symbolic (vhen'an) meanings for 'home.' In the case of vhen'an, this is the symbolic meaning, which is why a second translation for vhen'an is 'heart.' "Ar lath 'ma vhen'an." I love you. You are my home. | I love you. You are my heart.

—

MY HEART NEARLY SQUEEZED TO ITS END CAUSE OF THOSE PARAGRAPHS

I need everyone to "suffer" with me.... The romantic agonies...

—

Like... Holy fuck. Saying "you are my home" AND "you are my heart" at the same damn time????

Anyways,

—

[ Redacted piece where I go into new depths of Oh No, My Emotions over gifs of his romance scenes... 1) I do not want to grab new gifs/the gifs rn! 2) I am losing my mind again. I'm going to replay this game at some point?? Help. ]

Update: I'm about to start crying at my desk.

What I wanted: need some sappy romance shit in Elvhen. What I got: Learning abt the Fade & tombstones appear in a scene that show everyone's worst fear. Solas' is.....dying alone.

SOLAS HAS CONFIRMED TEA THAT HE LIKES!!!! A WIN FOR TEA!!!!!!!

Q. “Does Solas have a type of tea he doesn't mind as much as others? Or are all of them equally detestable?” A. "Orange zinger."

{ TL;DR of points beyond this... I guess I'm going to try orange zinger tea at some point, just to see what the hype's about! That, and I saw some recipes when I looked it up, so I suppose I'll be trying those, too...? Seems fun, at the least! }

You are now up to date on whatever accursed things are running through my mind at this time.

[horizon-verizon]

Why are people so obsessed with the idea that Daemon must have killed Laenor and slept with Mysaria and Nettles to be gray? And that if we take it away, it no longer has any ambiguity? That's the worst bullshit I've ever heard! I don't think he killed Laenor or slept with Nettles. For Mysaria, it can be true as well as false, but honestly, I don't care about that part because if it happened, Rhaenyra had given her consent. To come back to Laenor's death, I definitely don't understand this obsession that we are absolutely certain to say that it happened with certainty. The number of people I saw outraged that Daemon didn't kill Laenor on the show, that he was cleared... It kills me with laughter. While obviously complaining of demonizing the Greens. People have a problem with the Targaryens and their most popular characters that I don't understand, always wanting to take them down and demonize them as much as possible.

As for Rhaenyra giving consent, it's kinda troubling to use the argument. Because I also see how she wouldn't. Even with her being so grief-stricken, maybe wanting to be alone, etc.

Because she could still want Daemon to show he's loyal to her by not sleeping with someone who would have had his first-ever child. That has got to be uncomfortable at least, anxiety-wracking at most. Since she lost her kid Visenya and could have wanted Daemon to not put his focus away from her, even if she did reject sex. The knowledge that he's there could be enough. But of course, Gyldayn and the persons witnessing this dynamic don't have the necessary details for us to know for sure. And that's ambiguity.

As for killing Laenor, I still don't think book!Daemon did it. Or that book!Rhaenyra did it.

She still needed Laenor's existence to make sure her sons were safe and were named Velaryon/legitimate by Viserys and Corlys while being with Harwin and getting her desire for intimacy and companionship fulfilled.

And Daemon was living in Driftmark with Laena, their daughters, and Laenor was alive while Laenor lived. Very close to the Velaryons in their own domain to risk it. He had time enough to have him killed before Rhaenyra and Laena grew their friendship, which lasted for 5-6 years I believe. Laena also died before Laenor. We don't think Laena would have noticed Daemon's demeanor change or any movements to suspect him of planning something against her brother? Yet, again, she lived well and was happy with him and Rhaenyra for 5-6 years.

And you're right, it wouldn't be "grey" morally if he killed Laenor. It'd just be amoral. Because he would have killed a good and likable person purely for power, while still married to the man's sister while being a father to the man's uncle, and living under the man's ancestral home.

[whatimdoing-here]

Seizure talk under cut because I need to talk it out.

After not having one since basically January, I've had 2 in just over 2 weeks. Last night's was the worst in over a year. It's also the first one I've had start when I was awake in almost 3 years (2nd time ever out of 12).

I was getting small fry in bed, had tucked him in, and noticed I was having a little sensory one, but then it didn't end, and I could not comprehend what he was saying. So I got up and by the time I hit the hallway I knew it wasn't going to, so I mentioned it as much as I could to M, but at that point I was losing my ability to say words, too.

Laid down, knew it was getting worse, and then the next thing I remember is M talking to me. He gets me to come around and then asks all the questions to make sure I'm okay (that you're supposed to ask when someone seizes). Problem being THAT part is super anxiety inducing to me, because I still have trouble understanding him, and I legitimately can't figure it out at first. Last night took longer than normal for me to fully be able to answer who I am, who he is, what happened, where we were. All the while I'm also frustrated as fuck and pissed because I hate this more than I can say. That my brain freaks out and electrocutes me and there's nothing I can do. Last night I only convulsed for a minute, but then was still unconscious for another two, then took about a half hour to be able to really converse.

I also worry about the nerve endings in my arm. I've been having a lot of arm pain. There weren't any obvious triggers yesterday, which is also worrisome. Besides maybe getting close to ovulation. The day after the one two weeks ago was pretty terrible. Hopefully today will be better, though my head is killing me.

All the while, I'm also really worried about M. It's not easy to watch someone you love go through this I'm sure. Last night he seemed especially not okay after I was okay. He doesn't let on about it, but the way he's quiet and just obviously worried. Also I think that on a normal week he would have been working last night isn't lost on him. T dude knows what he's supposed to do if it happens, but it's still scary.

Ugh. Words can't explain how much I hate this. I constantly have anxiety over any little thing that could be a preseizure symptom even though 99% of the time it's not, and even if it is there's literally nothing I can do about it. You can't stop a seizure. And overall I don't have a bad case I don't know how people deal with more than this. And now of course I'm like do I have a brain tumor? Is something else going on?

That's all. I'm sad, frustrated, pissed. Needed to rant about it.

(also this is why talking to my therapist about what my life/relationship would look like if m and i split or opened up our marriage is so scary to me.)

[apocalyptic-dancehall]

Claptrap!!

OHOHOHO first to the punch!

- favorite thing about them

SO MANY THINGS TO CHOOSE UHUURRHRG but if it had to be like one or two: his voice and his undying loyalty.

pre-ffs claptrap's voice is so unique, and it can get oddly soothing in a way, and it just makes me so fucking jealous and his loyalty because even though he's a scaredy-cat he's still a raider at the end of the day (also the scene where he declines shadowtrap's offer to rule the goddamned universe because he genuinely loved his 'friends' fucks so hard)

- least favorite thing about them

not easy for me to say. claptrap's got tons of flaws but they're easily either linked to his horrendous 'childhood'/his bl1 antics/his time as fragtrap. i'd go off on a limb and say that he's waaay too naïve for his own good. even then it's less of a criticism and more of the fact that it always gets him into trouble :<

- favorite line

again! hard for me to say, but i've always loved the little sounds he makes when he jumps on a gravity pad. eup! and when he tried to stand up to flynt, it felt so cool because he finally bites back! (granted he did cower because 'geddit he's a pussy'-brand bl2 humor)

and then there's the part in bl2 where claptrap says this golden line: "You killed my friends! You destroyed my product line! I am the last CL4P-TP in existence, and I am going to TEABAG YOUR COOOOORPSE!" // absolute king shit

and when he calls everyone out for being an ASSHOLE to him in the pre-sequel, it's such a good moment in an already awesome dlc!

all in all claptrap has so many good quotes hhh

- brotp

a lot. gaige and claptrap are arguably at the top of that list, and i can never see them as anything more than friends/besties. angel and clap are a close second tho! also thanks to you the bl3 vhs are somewhere on the list hehe

- otp

uh.. 👉👈 obviously not a whole lot considering that most of the universe hates his guts lmao but traplicity/felicitrap/(insert felicity x claptrap ship name here) would've been SO COOL had jack not been a little greedy bitch baby and kill her off.. :(

not my only one but definitely a topper

- notp

jack. and claptrap. obvious reasonings aside i read this one fic of the two on ff.net and never recovered. took 999999 psychic damage. angel and claptrap, again, obvious reasonings 2: electric boogaloo. shadowtrap and claptrap for.. well duh. (they're bros to me and it'd feel weird.)

okay i feel like explaining the first notp a little more because it irks me to death. jack and claptrap have a kinda parent-child relationship. jack also canonically abused the shit out of claptrap which is double icky. it wouldn't be out of place that they'd have the most lopsided, shittiest relationship because jack's not only claptrap's employer, but also he generally has more power over him in general because he's hyperion property and uhm.. yeah. ew.

- random headcanon

1. he's like a little magpie. he collects the shiny™ and hoards 'em in his room. chances are he might actually have something of use there

2. by bl3 his voicebox is fucked, and rarely come the times where he tries to say stuff it comes out all staticky and shit. and sometimes it peaks and uh.. becomes 10 leagues beyond unbearable.

3. also bl3, he stops taking a lot of shit. like he'd still cower and stuff but whenever some rando talks shit about him he'd fight back (verbally. i think he'd rarely ever get into legitimate scuffles esp bc he's not a fragtrap anymore) and it kinda works-ish.

- unpopular opinion

i don't got much because the most i've got is a: claptrap should've gotten a much more significant role in 3, and b: i think claptrap recovering more of his old combat data, which also leads up to shadowtrap's possible return should be a thing. no way in hell they're gonna forget about this one essential part of cv and tp-s!

- song i associate with them

considering my taste in songs is otherwise shit and/or vocaloid: amygdala's rag doll - ghost (we've talked about this hehhe) or world's end dancehall - wowaka (which honestly isn't as fitting but imo it's kinda in-line with him. // also it's got themes of suicide in the lyrics so you might wanna avoid it if that stuff bothers ya) (i make up imaginary amvs with him and shadowtrap it's so fun)

- favorite picture of them

this screenie of claptrap with his cord-tail-thing in the bl1 main menu

i kinda like that it just randomly pops out when he sneezes