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#thinking about that one time i had a crush on a girl and thought i was nuts for feeling mildly bad
citrustan · 3 days
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dating girl (jjk)
pairing: jungkook x reader
summary: you try to convince yourself that you're really okay with 'casually dating' your crush.
genre: college au, fwb kinda thing but more than friends ygm? angst!
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"Are they allowed to cancel an entire day at college? That can't be good for anyone..." Your mother ponders out loud as you walk around the city hand-in-hand.
"There's not much you can do if someone decides to paint over every projector lens on campus." You nod.
"Lucky for me, I get to spend time with my little baby," she nuzzles her nose into your hair, squeezing you in a side-hug, "Still can't believe we have to schedule our hangouts now."
"Yeah, there's that..." You smile half-heartedly.
You stop near a flower stall, taking in the hustle and bustle of the city. It's especially crowded because of your university abruptly cancelling a bunch of classes.
After your day had freed up unexpectedly, you had invited your sorta but not really boyfriend, Jungkook, to go cafe hopping to find where all the good teas are because you knew he'd bee available. But he never responded.
So your mood has been a bit damp all day.
You had just stepped out of this store that sold handmade sweaters and yarn balls. Not even a good shopping spree could lift your spirits.
What definately doesn't help is randomly seeing said sorta but not really boyfriend who didn't respond to your texts out and about with some leggy blonde girl.
You've never seen her around.
Not that you know every single person on campus, but if they've crossed Jungkook's path, you know them.
They're dining together al fresco, at one of the cafes you had literally listed in your text to Jungkook.
Talk about a slap in your face.
For a second, you think she might just be his sister or something.
That thought bubble is quickly shot at with a razor sharp arrow when you see him kiss her knuckles.
Your eyes involuntary darken, and your mouth forms a pout. The kind one has when they're trying to hold back a cry or a sob.
All the while, your mother had talked about your grandparents' separation, the local diner having caught fire, and matching mother and daughter shoes she had bought for your birthday.
You were listening passively so you didn't quite catch everything.
"You're still seeing him, aren't you?" She tilted her head in confusion.
When your mother notices the look on your face, she frowns, following the line of your vision.
At spotting Jungkook and mystery girl, she gasps angrily, "Oh, no, he sucks." She turns back to you, "Honey, I'm so sorry."
"No, mom, this is normal," you smile weakly, "And it's okay."
"Yes." You nod, "I am."
"But then he's there," she points at the pair with her chin, "seeing her. How's that okay?"
"It just is, mom! Really," you attempt to convince your mother (and yourself) that you were 100% fine with witnessing Jungkook out with other women. "We're keeping things casual. Very... casual."
"And that's a mutual decision?" She confirms.
"We both agreed." You concur.
Your mother's still unsure about your choices. "Well. Okay then."
You glance at Jungkook and mystery girl one last time.
The picture isn't pretty. He's leaning into her ear and has his large hand placed over her bare thigh as she caressed his arm with her much smaller hand, thoroughly enjoying his attention.
Your mother watches your expression go stiff, "So, how does this work?"
Snapping you out of your daze, she pushes a few strands of hair away from your eyes.
When you frown at her she sighs, "Sorry..."
"Oh. Um..." You exhale, "Well, we see each other and we see other people, and that's that. We're cas-" - "Yeah, casual, I heard." Your mother interrupts your blabber.
"It's ok." You look down at your feet, kicking a few stray pebbles out of the way.
"I just--- I thought you guys were sleeping together." She blurts.
"Mom!" You exclaim, looking around to see if anyone had heard her, "It's not that big of a deal. I want this too. And I need to learn to date too."
Again, you try to ease your mind about your decision.
You lightly cringe and look around, "Uh... Nobody yet. But this guy from one of my extras--- his name's Hoseok but we call him Hobi, or Hoba, depending on how close you are to him--- anyway, he asked me out to a halloween theme party next week."
"So who else are you dating?" She asks pointedly.
This is suddenly getting very exhausting.
Your mother gives you a knowing look, deciding to play along anyway, "Oh! You've never mentioned him before."
"Mhm. Because it's new." You hunch your shoulders nervously.
The party was hosted by the student body to raise funds for, you don't know, collegiate stuff.
You had imagined going with Jungkook, with matching Dentist and Tooth Fairy couple costumes. But he hadn't asked you yet and you definitely weren't going to bring it up first.
Maybe you can do the look with Hoseok instead.
It's less than a week away, so you're not expecting anything from him either. He probably already has another date lined up.
You wonder if it's the blonde he's with now.
"So, are you gonna do it?"
"Do what?" Was she in your head?
"Go with Hobi or Hoba." She makes air quotations for 'Hobi or Hoba.'
"Oh, yeah. Yep. Definitely." Suddenly remembering, you add, "Oh and can you make me my costume? I want to be the Tooth Fairy?" You softly ask her, knowing it's a little last minute, but also knowing she wouldn't deny you.
"Why of course! Does... Hobi need a costume too?" She asks carefully.
"Oh, no. Probably not." Well, you don't know. You don't know if his offer even stands now and you might end up not going at all.
Your mother rubs your shoulder, "Ask him and let me know, 'kay?"
You force out an uncomfortable smile and nod, "Thanks."
Although your mother's not convinced, she decides to drop the topic all together.
"Well, that's good," she smiles down at you warmly, "Do you want to get that sweater exchanged?"
It was vague, but you appreciated her attempt either way.
"Mhm. Back to the store we go." You narrate with an airy laugh.
Your mother was in the lead, already making her way to the store you had just walked out of.
Once again, your gaze falls on Jungkook and his date, and to your surprise he was staring right back at you.
You want to give him a little smile. To show him you're unbothered. But you couldn't seem to force one out this time.
So you settle with giving him a small wave, which he returns, mirroring your expression.
His date follows his line of sight and spots you too, giving you a tight smile. It's not passive aggressive, just... decent. Not polite either. But why should she be?
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Jungkook blinks at you as you hurriedly leave trying to keep up with your mother.
Maybe you should focus on Hoseok for now.
note: nobody asked for this but i was feeling a little silly :p needed some angsty ouchie with the possibility of a favourable conclusion so i indulged!
hey bonus points if you can tell what inspired this! and if you read all this lmk what you think regardless :D
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congrats on 5k you deserve it! can i request a 🍪 for bitchykook!reader w/ the song ‘agora hills’ by doja cat?
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₊˚⊹ᰔ 𝐚𝐠𝐨𝐫𝐚 𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐬
pairing: cocky!rafe x bitchy!kook!reader
summary: ❝kissing, i hope they caught us, whether they like or not. i wanna show you off, i wanna show you off. i wanna brag about it.❞ — you and rafe make your relationship official by showing up to a party together.
warnings: excessive pda, suggestive language, making out, dry humping, drinking, i feel like voyeurism should be a warning because everyone is feeling things watching the two of you lolll, suggestive ending
word count: 0.7k
a/n: i’ve had this song stuck in my head foreverrrr!! thank you for this req <333 i could also imagine ‘agora hills’ playing while they’re making out with eachother lol. feel free to participate in this poll if you’d like 🤍
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rafe knew he was the luckiest man on the island when you accepted his girlfriend proposal. you never gave anyone the time of day, always shutting down any advances guys tried to make on you. you were nearly impossible to obtain, but the kook king himself loved a challenge. rafe wasn’t the first persistent man to come your way, but he was the first, and only one, who was able to handle you and your personality. you were mean to him and instead of cowering away, he was mean back, prompting you to keep running your mouth so he could ‘use it for something worth losing your breath for.’
you pushed him, and he pushed harder. he wasn’t intimidated by you, and you loved it. while you two decided to keep your relationship under wraps, both of you came to the mutual decision to go public. especially since you and rafe still had people who expressed the utmost interest in both of you. ‘swear, i’m gonna knock his teeth in when i see him.’ rafe would be cursing under his breath every time you told him about a guy who tried hitting on you. ‘seems like it’s time to make our relationship known, don’t you think?’ you had agreed, already thinking about what outfit you should wear for the night.
a few hours later, and rafe was guiding you through the crowd at topper’s house, all eyes falling on you two. you could feel the glares from the girls who thought they had a chance with your boyfriend burning against your skin. you basked in the feeling of crushing their egos, your piercing eyes meeting theirs as rafe pulled you closer to him. he was so tall and so handsome, butterflies fluttered in your tummy at the sight of him. rafe took your hand, fixing himself behind you as you two approached his friends, presenting you like a gold medal as topper and kelce got all of their friends to cheer for you and rafe.
“that’s what the fuck i’m talking about, ‘cameron!” topper gave up his seat on the couch, motioning for you and rafe to sit down as he poured everyone a round of shots. rafe felt his chest bloom with pride when all of his friends ogled you as if they couldn’t believe you were really sitting here in his lap. “looks like you did the impossible.” kelce whispered in rafe’s ear while flashing you a smile. handing you a shot, all of rafe’s friends wished you two the best before all of you downed the burning liquor. soon, one shot turned into four, and before you knew it, you and rafe were very tipsy and handsy.
instead of being seated in his lap, you were now straddling him, your dress riding up your thighs as he basically sucked your face off. you couldn’t help but move your hips against his, his hands coming down to rest on the globes of your ass as you pressed kisses along his neckline. it wasn’t long before rafe’s friends, and practically the whole party knew the color of your underwear, a drunken ‘oops!’ leaving your lips when you turned around and saw everyone looking at you with dark eyes. while girls wanted to be you, the guys wished they were rafe who had a girl as beautiful as you grinding on their lap.
“they’re all looking at us..” you giggled against rafe’s lips. “i don’t care, let them watch,” he took his bottom lip between his teeth, “just wanna show you off.” rafe blinked slowly, bringing his mouth to your neck where he nipped softly at your flesh. you moaned, hands finding the erection in his pants. “fuck.” he hissed when you palmed his length, his cock twitching in his pants when he saw the way you were looking at him. “aye, ‘top,” rafe nudged his friend, “s’your room free?” topper glanced between the two of you, watching the way your fingers trailed underneath your boyfriend’s shirt.
“it’s all yours, bro.” he nodded upstairs. pausing their conversations, the group of guys watched as rafe helped you up from his lap. “there’s condoms in the bathroom.” topper cleared his throat, in which you turned to face him. “we don’t use those!” you waved him off with a giggle, a smug grin taking over rafe’s features. now everyone knew he was was fucking you raw every chance he got. placing his hand on the small of your back, rafe guided you upstairs, both of you still trying to makeout on the way up there. kelce cursed under his breath when rafe landed a harsh smack on your ass, a wicked smile gracing your lips.
“i just know those two have the craziest sex.”
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mymindcreatedthis · 3 days
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Sisters best friend 18+
Reader x Alessia Russo
Warning: Smut, Smut, Smut
Word count: 3k
*Y/n's Pov*
It's the middle of the season for Arsenal, a Friday. The girls and I are at training, a light training session. After a long hot day out in the pitch, I could hear my sister Leah Williamson making plans with her best friend for tonight.
I heard them talking about Alessia staying at our place for the night, the thought made me blush immediately. I've had a crush on Alessia for so long, I always found myself staring into her direction all the time at training. Watching her bend over to pick up a football right in front of me, her perfect shaped ass teasing me.
After Alessia was done talking to Leah she made her way in my direction, her hips swaying side to side sweat dripping off her forehead after her work out and after our training.
"I'm staying at your place tonight." Alessia whispered her finger gently tracing my arm.
R-R-Really? That would be nice." I stuttered making Alessia giggle, her cute giggling making me turn dark red almost immediately.
Alessia looked me up and down, her hand snaking around my waist. "Maybe we can spend some time together." She smiled cheekily before removing her arm and leaving the field.
I could feel my length getting hard immediately. What did she mean by some time together? I watched her leave the field her ass swaying side to side. Her fat ass swallowing her shorts turning me on more. One thing Alessia made me was nervous, and she knew it too.
Teasing me, touching me, and now I had to spend the night with her under the same roof. I didn't know how I was gonna be able to control myself.
The time was 10:00 pm. Alessia, Leah and I were led on the sofa watching Netflix. I kept finding myself looking at Alessia, checking her out. How her tits sat perfectly under her shirt, she had no bra on and I could tell. The more I tried to stop myself the harder my length was getting, thinking about all the things I could do to her and her body.
"I'm going to call it a night girls." Leah yawned. "Alessia your bed is all made, Y/n don't stay up too late." Leah added before she made her way upstairs.
The room was filled with silence, an awkward silence. That was until Alessia got up and sits right next to me, my breath hitched. Automatically I became hot thinking about what she said to me earlier at the fields.
"Just me and you now Y/n." Alessia whispered in my ear as she placed her hand on my thigh and gently rubbed my thigh with her thumb.
"L-Less." I coughed.
"You like that don't you?" She whispered against closer to my ear.
I looked her up and down once again as she looked down at me. Her nipples hard, her breathing calm. "Y-Yes a lot." I stuttered.
"Do I  make you stutter baby?" Alessia giggled. "Am I making you nervous?" She added.
All I could do was nod in response.
"I'll leave you with this, don't think about me too much." Alessia whispered as she planted a long kiss on my lips squeezing my thigh.
I could feel myself getting harder and harder, I just wanted to feel Alessia. Feel her wrapped around my dick and be deep inside her.
"Fuck less please." I moaned quietly.
"No baby that all you can have your sister is upstairs." She responded as she got up off the sofa and made her way upstairs. "Don't think about me too much." Alessia added, she winked at me and then left the room.
I sat shocked at what just happened, my dick rock hard. Alessia just kissed me, now we're sleeping under the same roof. I didn't know what Leah had got me into but I had a feeling it was going to be good.
It was a struggle to fall asleep that night, wondering truly what had happened. What Alessia wanted, just think about it about her was making me super hard again. Just wanting to be with Alessia. The morning soon rolled around, I groaned in annoyance and roll over as the door to my room slowly opened.
Alessia turns on the light immediately causing me to cover my face with the blanket blocking the light. "Come on Y/n it's time to wake up it's 12 pm your sister is back home." Alessia says removing the blankets.
"Mmm what does Leah have to do with me sleeping?" I say confused still half asleep. I was sleeping in just my sports bra and boxers, my bulge was visible. I had slight morning wood from dreaming/ fantasizing about Alessia.
"She has food." Alessia says with a giggle.
Alessia's words catch my attention. Alessia giggles again I look up and immediately bite my lip noticing Alessia choice of clothing. Red panties and a slight baggy shirt.
"Hey my eyes are up here you perv." Alessia laughs.
I throw a pillow at her, and she throws it straight back at me and walks to my bedroom door. My eyes slowly trail down to her ass, I bite my lip and check out her ass. The tent in my boxers becoming visible.
Fuck her ass is fat as fuck in those panties. They looked amazing and were riding up her ass, Alessia sees me staring she smirks and gives her ass a little shake. Suddenly she bends over making her panties ride up her ass a little more. This makes me bite my lip and make my cock throb. I quickly try to adjust my boxers as I get hard.
Alessia giggles as I try to adjust my boxers. "Mmmm someone's hard hehe you like that? My ass making you hard?" Alessia teases.
I bite my lip and grab my boner. "Alessia we can't, you're my sister's best friend."
She winks and walks away leaving me with annoying blue balls. "Ahh fuck you Russo." I groan, I get up and close the door but forget to lock it.
I take off my boxers, I lay back down on my bed. I close my eyes and slowly stroke my dick.
——————————————————-
Alessia comes back into the room fully naked. I blush darkly at the sight, Alessia rubs my bulge making me moan immediately.
"Mmm baby, someone's hard." Alessia smiles.
I moan as she continues to rub my bulge. She smirks, and slides my boxers down my legs and tosses them off to the side.
"Mmmm someone's hard I'm gonna suck you dry and drain the balls In me." Alessia says seductively as she slowly strokes my dick.
"Ahhh fuck,yes please." I moan in pleasure.
Alessia giggles and lays between my legs. She licks my tip and swirls her tongue around my tip, I moan my legs start to shake in pleasure as she licks up my precum.
Once I'm hard she takes my length in her mouth. She begins to choke and gag a bit, humming against my dick as she slowly bobs her head up and down.
I moan and lay my head on the pillow behind my head and relax as Alessia continues to give me head. She wraps her arms around the back of my legs and bobs her head faster than before.
"Mmm fuck, ahh just like that Alessia." I moan in pleasure.
I moan, I was close to cumming. Fuck Alessia really knows how to suck dick "Mmm Alessia if you keep doing that I'm gonna cum buckets." I moan in pleasure.
Alessia takes my dick deeper in her mouth as she sinks her head lower. She chokes and gags as she bobs her head faster and faster.
"Ahh fuck.... Fuck Alessia, I'm so close." I moan in pleasure.
I moan in pleasure after 5 more minutes of an amazing blowjob I feel myself getting closer and closer to cumming.
"Alessia baby, I'm gon-"
Throat pie:
I can't take it anymore, I bust my load in her mouth. Alessia chokes and gags as I cum, she swallows my big load and sucks me dry.
I moan as Alessia gets the rest of my cum and swallows it getting every last drop.
She lays down next to me. I hover over her and kiss her deeply. "Mmm put it in me." Alessia says.
"Are you sure? I don't have a condom." I say.
"Yes I'm sure, if you want to cum I suggest you get a move on." Alessia says.
"Yes Ma'am." I say.
I slide my dick deep inside her tight pussy. Me and her both moan as her walls immediately clench around my dick.
"Fuck Alessia, you so wet and tight." I moan in pleasure.
"You're really deep in there baby." Alessia moans
I smirk, I give her a second to adjust to my size. "Tell me when to move." I say.
"M-Move." Alessia moans.
Alessia wraps her legs around my waist and pulls me closer this causes my dick to go deeper inside her, we both moan. I lean down and kiss her deeply.
We both moan in the kiss as I slowly thrust in and out of her, holy fuck her pussy felt like heaven. I don't think I can last long, she was super tight and her grip was amazing.
I moan and go a bit faster than before, my balls slap against her skin as our moans fill the room.
"Ahh Fuck...fuck.....fuck." Alessia squeaks out with each thrust.
"It feels so good." I moan as I keep going.
"Yeah, you like that daddy? My tight pussy clenched around your massive throbbing cock?" Alessia moans.
"Mmm I fucking love it." I moan.
"You gonna fill me up with your load?" Alessia asks seductively.
"I'm gonna drain my balls in you." I moan in response.
I go faster and harder, my balls slapping against her skin as our moans fill the room. "I'm gonna squirt." Alessia moans.
I start to go at an angle and pound her g spot fast and hard. Alessia moans as she moves her hands to my back. She moans and squirts and scratches my back, I moan and continue fucking her.
"Ahhh fuck, I'm gonna cum." Alessia moaned.
"Me too." I moaned in response.
I feel myself getting closer and closer to cumming. I moan as I kiss and suck on her neck, Alessia moans as I carry on pounding her g spot, leaving hickys on her neck.
I can't take it anymore, I bust my load deep inside her pussy. My cum panting her walls white, Alessia moans and cums all over my dick.
"Fuck yes, give me that cum." Alessia moans as I continue to cum inside her.
We both moan as I help her ride out her high and slowly pull out. My cum glazed her folds, and oozes out of her pussy and onto the sheets.
"That was amazing." Alessia moans.
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*Alessia's Pov*
Leah and I eat our food as we mess around on our phones. "Can you go get Y/n I don't know what's taking her so long her food is getting cold." Leah says.
"Yeah I'll go get her." I say.
I get upstairs, I open Y/n's door. "Hey Y/—" I get cut off and blush darkly at the view in front of me.
Y/n was moaning my name, her eyes closed as she jerked off. I immediately feel myself getting wet, she moans and strokes her dick a bit faster. She moans lushly in pleasure and cums, cum shoots up and lands on her bed, on her sheets and coats her hand and fingers. She moans and continues to stroke her dick slowly as cum continues to slowly spurt and ooze out of her.
This was so hot to watch. I bite my lip and squeeze my legs together as I get wet trying to release some of the pressure, I continue to watch her jerk off as she keeps moaning my name.
"Mmm fuck baby, you're really tight I don't think I can last long." Y/n moans as she strokes her dick faster.
I slip my hand in my panties and start to tease and rub my folds. I was soaking wet, I slip in a finger and slowly finger myself as I watch her jerk off.
I start to fantasize about her being balls deep inside me. I cover my mouth as I speed up my fingers but then I groan in annoyance and stop. This is wrong this is my best friend's sister, I decide to just leave her to it, and quietly close her door and leave the room.
*Y/n's Pov*
After my wet dream of Alessia I get cleaned up and make my way down stairs for food. I enter the dinning room Leah and Alessia's attention turn to my direction. Alessia's face began to turn dark red, maybe because of what happened last night.
"You're here." Leah looks at me. "I got an important meeting with Arsenal so I'll be gone for a while so you two are gonna be alone." Leah smiles, she grabs her bag and leaves us alone.
Alessia looks at me. "About last night." Alessia says breaking the silence.
"I want more." I immediately say.
"But you're my best friend's sister." Alessia says.
"I don't care Less, I want you. I want to feel you around my dick." I admit.
"O-O-Okay." Alessia stutters.
Alessia blushes darkly she grabs my hand and leads me upstairs to my room. We both get undressed as soon as we enter my room. Kisses in between each clothing being removed.
"Less, I don't have a condom." I say between kisses.
"I don't care, I want your cum." Alessia says.
I laugh at the desperation in Alessia voice picking her up, a placing her on the bed. Alessia moves onto all fours and wiggles her ass. "Fuck my ass Y/n, please I need you." Alessia begs.
Without giving an answer I slide my hard length into Alessia's ass bottoming out inside of her. I grab hold of her hair pulling it harder and harder going deeper into her ass.
"Fuck baby, you like that baby me using your ass." I moan as I spank her ass still a firm grip in her blonde locks.
"Yes baby, please use me." Alessia yells in pleasure.
I keep thrusting getting harder and harder my moans getting louder and louder. "Less baby I'm going to cum, I'm so close." I moan as I tightly grip Alessia's ass.
"Cum baby, cum deep inside of me." Alessia answered.
Creampie #1:
I didn't need to be told twice, as I let out a loud moan. My balls leaking inside Alessia's ass, filling her to the brim. "Fuck baby, it's dripping out of you." I giggle.
"Good, I love being full of your seed." Alessia cutely giggles in response.
"Lay on your back baby." I say spanking Alessia's ass.
Without saying a word Alessia gets in the position I told her too. I slowly lined my length with her entrance leaning in leaving a deep loving on her lips as I entered her pussy.
"How does it feel, being fucked by your best friend's little sister?" I moan taking Alessia right tit in my hand roughly squeezing it.
"So goo Y/n. This feels amazing I've wanted to do this for so long. I've wanted to feel your length inside me for so long." Alessia moans in response sweat dripping down her forehead.
"Same baby Same." I moan in agreement.
I quicken up my thrusts as I begin to fuck her quicker and quicker. Slowly Alessia lifts her legs around my waist and leg traps me so I can't pull out causing me to go deeper.
"F-Fuck Less, I'm close." I moan loudly in pleasure.
"C-Cum in me please. Please cum inside of me." Alessia shouts in pleasure cutely begging for my load.
Creampie #2:
I couldn't take it anymore, the feeling of Alessia's tight pussy. My cum leaks deeply into her pussy painting her walls white. Alessia moans and cums as well, we both moan as my cum spurts and oozes inside her filling her to the brim.
"Fuck baby, your pussy feels amazing." I moaned as I pull out.
"Worth the wait?" Alessia asks.
"Definitely." I giggle.
"Can you give me one more? I've wait so long for this, for you to be inside me." Alessia cutely moans pleading for more cum.
"Of course I can." I reply.
"I want to ride you, ride your length." Alessia begs.
"Yes ma'am." I answer as I sit up, my head against the headboard.
Alessia places her hands on my chest as she lines up her dripping entrance with my dick. I place my hands on her ass, squeezing slightly as she lowered down taking my entire length deep inside her pussy.
"Fuck Less, you feel amazing." I moan.
Alesia doesn't respond as she rides faster. I spank her ass and squeeze it roughly as she bounces up and down her ass rippling with every bounce.
"Fuck baby, go faster." I begged.
Alessia does as I say and goes even faster. The feeling of my balls tightening began to happen knowing this was gonna end soon.
"You close baby? Close to filling me up?" Alessia moans as she wraps her hands around my neck.
"So close baby." I moaned I take her right nipple into my mouth and begin sucking, quieting my moans.
Creampie #3:
5 minutes go by after one final hard bounce from Alessia I let out a loud moan, my balls tightening cum oozing into Alessia's pussy. Filling her up one final time, a last spank to her ass I slowly pull out leaving a kiss of appreciation on her lips.
"That was amazing." Alessia said as I pull away from the kiss.
"Worth that wait." I giggled.
"Let's keep this between us, we can't tell Leah anything." Alessia said.
I agreed we couldn't tell Leah about this. Me fucking her best friend, that would be fair to her at all.
"Yes less, keep this between you and me." I smiled leaving another list full kiss on her lips.
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fandomxo00 · 2 days
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Cowboy like me - Logan Howlett fanfiction
Request: Could I request farmer old logan x pregnant young reader (like the photos of him picking up flowers in the field) Yn was a snooty and spoiled city girl but she fell in love with Logan during her vacation and ran away with him. With a lot of breeding kink, lactance kink and DomLogan, subreader
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Note: Not into lactation kink but I love the rest!! omg i love old logan/slash hugh with a beard, getting dirty dirty thoughts grrr, smut and fluff below! farmer!logan x citygirl!reader
You sat on the outside as the sun came over the one of the further hills of grass. Your feet on the ground, slowly rocking the porch swing as you breathed in that fresh breeze. You saw Logan from afar, he was working in the barn this morning as he did every morning. Then he'd be out in the field for some of the day, but he wasn't the main owner of the land and wasn't the only employee.
Logan knew that he slowly dying, and that continuing to fight would wound up in his death. That maybe he'd have a chance of living longer if he backed away. So, he went out to find an old friend, giving him a plot of land to build a house on. The labor was hard for him but nowhere near gunshot wounds. Logan focused on the animals he was raising, learning about going out into the field. He had taken to the farmer life literally and he thinks that farming was the reason he was alive right now. He'd even traded whiskey for coffee, only having a drink on occasion. There wasn't as much out of a need for it, there was less pain that he had to numb. Though the loneliness started creeping up on him in the last year or so, thinking of meeting someone to settle down with. Even in his old age, deep down he had always wanted a family.
Then his friend went out of town, wanting to set up their house as an air b'n'b whatever the fuck that meant. That's when he met you, the first day you stayed you called about the wifi password. He wasn't sure what it was, but he was going to come over to help look for the box since his neighbor wasn't replying to his texts. When he showed up and saw a b m w he was slightly confused, before slightly irritated at the idea of this being some obnoxious city girl.
When he opened the door all the thought was, "Pretty." Feel from his lips as his cheeks heated up like he was a boy with a crush. That's what he felt like when he wanted a shiver roll up your spine as you blushed.
"Actually it's Y/n." You laughed. "Are you---?"
"Logan, yeah." He nodded, as you stepped back and invited him in. Logan's eyes widened when he saw the bags placed all over the living room. "Did you need any help with those?"
"Nah, I got it." You shrugged.
"Anyway, gotta find the wifi box." Logan hummed, as you nodded.
You had offered him some tea afterwards, he had politely accepted, intrigue by you. The two of you got to talking and wound up having dinner together. It was slow in the very beginning, though you'd talked into the late night neither one of you made a move. Though both of you grew fond of each other in the small amount of time. Logan's heart was open right now, and it seemed like you wanted to take it. He'd come over the next day with a basket of eggs, milk, bread and jam.
"Did you bake this?" You asked, inviting him inside. Logan cleared his throat as he nodded, while walking inside. "The jam-."
"That was from the local market in town." Logan confirmed as you hummed.
"This was very sweet of you."
"No problem, doll." He grinned over at you, crossing his arms over his chest. Your eyes lingered on his, the feeling making his heart accelerates as he spoke to you. Logan's eyes trailing to your lips, before he asked you to go on a walk with him before dinner tonight. You'd come out in a beautiful white dress, and boots. He smirked over at you, "Maybe you should change your shoes."
"Oh, I'll be fine. I have to walk around the city all the time!" You smiled over at him, as you lightly waved your hand at him.
Though 15 mintues into the walk you hit a rather muddy spot, something Logan suspecting happening. "Um, can you pick me up?"
"What now?"
"I don't wanna do this." You pouted. "My shoes are all muddy and keep sticking to the ground. And M'so upset that my favorite boots were ruined just because i wanted to impr-." You felt a flush come over your body, whether it was visible or not, you felt heat on your chest, cheeks and the tips of your ears.
"I was gonna say yes the first time, princess."
"Why don't you call me that while you carry me back to your house." You suggested, pointing over at his house that was just across the way. Closer than your house was at this point. Logan's arm wrapped around your legs and waist, making you squeal as he picked you up, giggly, while looking up into his soft hazel eyes. Your hand naturally coming up to his cheek, feeling the wirey hair of his beard beneath your fingers. Logan's arms tightened around you as he walked out of the bed, the cowboy boots he was wearing making it far easier for him. He tried not to drop you at the way you were looking at him, nearly made his knees weak.
When you got back to his house, you slipped out of your boots before following Logan inside "M cold." Logan walked over to the couch, grabbing a blanket and he thought about tossing it over to you. But instead, he walked over to you, shaking the flannel blanket out before wrapping it around your shoulders. Your bright eyes looked up at him, making his jaw clench as he kept his hands on the bed of your blanket. You licked your lips before leaning forward to kiss him, his lips met yours in a feather-like kiss. Hesitancy in both of you, from a slow blossoming friendship that was real hiding the real romantic tension between the two of you. Your hands come to the blanket, pulling it tight as you lean into Logan's chest, his hands moving up to your head, flattening his hands against your hair as his lips interlocked with yours in slow thoughtful kisses.
"You do this to impress all the girls?" You asked, as he chuckled against your lips.
"Whatta mean?" He husked, looking down into your eyes as playful grin spread across your face.
"The whole basket, going on a walk, charming the pants off of girls."
"Haven't done this in a long while, doll. To be frank, I'm trying to settle down, live out the rest of my life in peace and-then you walk into my life all sweet eyes and strong-willed." His hands move to hold up the blanket around your hips as you let go to put your hands on his chest. You felt the hard muscle under your hands, your eyes gleaming up at him with want and adoration.
"You asking me to settle down with you?" You laughed.
"No, but I'm saying I want something serious."
"Well I could look forward to that." You grinned, your hands trailing over his strong stomach.
"How about." Logan started, starting to back you up until you hit the table with an 'oompf'. "You sit and be a good girl."
"W-what?" You blushed.
"Can I taste your sweet little pussy?" Logan hummed, dipping his head into your neck as his deep voice tumbled through you.
"Y-yeah." You murmured, as he pushed you back on the table, the blanket falling around your body as his hands came the hem of your pants. Logan tugged them down swiftly, along with your panties, before spreading your legs out. He got down on his knees as his hands came to your ass. Pulling your cunt to his face so he could dive his mouth into you. "Fuck." You gasped, your hand coming to his hair to balance yourself, the feeling of his rough beard rubbing against your inner folds made you slicker.
"Taste so fucking good." Logan grunted, spitting on your sex, his thumb coming up to rub at your clit. His lips found your inner thighs, his salt and pepper beard creating a little rash against your skin as he sucked marks into your skin. His fingers dipping into your entrance, your slick coding his fingers as he slowly pulled them out to see your translucent arousal covering his index and middle finger. "Can't wait to feel you wrapped around my cock." Your walls fluttered around his fingers as your hips relaxed in his palm, his hips rutted into the air. "You like that? Like imagining me inside you? Breeding your little cunt?"
"Logan-." You moaned, arching your back as the hand resting on your hip moved to cup over your breast.
"Sound so fucking pretty." Logan groaned the vibrations rumbling through you as you started feeling an orgasm well up in your stomach. The way his finger curled inside of you, rubbing the spongy part of you made you crumble while his tongue swirled around your clit. "Good girl." He hummed, his mouth coming down to your slit, licking up your come with a slurp before pulling back. Logan's large hand splayed out on your forehead, pushing back your hair roughly as your hand came to his belt. Your hands were quick before pushing his jeans back. Logan's hands came down to his briefs to pull them down before coming to lift your shirt over your head, not giving you time to see him. But then your eyes landed on his proud erection, his cock thick, veiny and pulsating. The idea of him filling you made your thighs clench together, you bet he'd hit every little place. Your hands reaching back to unclasp your bra as you fantaized about him.
The look in your eyes at Logan in a trance before he grabbed on to your roughly. Gasping as he filled you, before fucking you to the point where you saw stars. Claiming you with his words, his mouth on your skin and his cock bruising your cervix. "Gonna fill you with my cum baby, give you my babies." You moaned out at that, the sound long and wanton making him move faster and harder against you. "Fucking keep you fucked and bred."
"Yes-Logan fuck." You chanted.
tags: @jessjessmarvelandhp @chronicallybubbly @delicateholland @bubblegumholland @mega-kittyglitter-1
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jungkit · 2 days
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yang jungwon- ache for you
jw x f!reader ☯︎ fluff, angst ☯︎ cursing, suggestive ☯︎ wc 842 ☯︎ not proofread
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You considered Jungwon one of your close friends, having grown up next to each other and your families being close.
Where you were, he was.
And you hate to admit it, but over time, you grew to have a crush on him.
You can’t help it! He’s grown to be such a good person, not to mention handsome.
You’re certainly not the only one either.
It’s almost everyday you hear one girl or another talking about Jungwon.
You know they envy you for being close to him, but even so, you think he only sees you as a friend.
So, you’ve kept your feelings secret.
There have been numerous times where you’ve wanted to confess, but chickened out every time.
You can’t help but swoon whenever Jungwon talks about you to others, which is why when you hear him mention your name, you can’t help but listen around the corner of the hallway.
“She’s so fucking annoying. I get we’ve been friends since we were kids but it’s like I can never escape her. She’s always there, always clinging to me somehow, I wish she’d just back off.”
You feel your heart crack as you take in his words.
Is this how he’s felt about you all along? Or was this a recent feeling?
Either way, tears prick your eyes as you take a step back.
Without warning, someone turns the corner, coming into direct contact with you.
You look up and see Jungwon, a confused look on his face.
He sees the tears in your eyes and knows.
“Y/N…I-”
You put a hand up, telling him to stop.
Turning around, you begin walking away.
“Y/N, wait!”
His hand makes contact with your shoulder, but you shrug it off.
Making your way into the girls bathroom, somewhere he can’t follow you, you sit on the sink and let the tears flow, trying not to make any noise.
Jungwon stands outside the bathroom, trying to coax you to come out and talk to him.
Only when the bell rings do you hear footsteps leaving the area.
You freshen yourself up, splashing some cold water on your face before heading to class.
You spend the next few days completely avoiding Jungwon who is still attempting to talk to you.
Why? You’re giving him what he wanted.
He even came to your house, asking to see you but you told your parents you didn’t want to see him, to their surprise.
They begged you to tell them what happened but you refused.
Despite everything, you don’t want Jungwon getting into trouble.
Jungwon feels like his world is crashing down.
He knows that what he said was true, he did feel suffocated by you, but he didn’t go about it the right way.
He only started feeling this way recently, wanting space from you for a while.
No, he doesn’t hate you, he just wanted to spend some time apart.
Now he feels terrible for what he’s done.
He didn’t miss the side eye your parents gave him, wanting to know why their daughter refused to see him. He wanted to confess, tell the truth but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.
As he lays in bed after another unsuccessful day of trying to talk to you, he thinks about the past 18 years of his life.
You’ve always been there, by his side through everything.
And now, he’s possibly ruined everything.
Jungwon reevaluates everything.
Why did he say what he said?
Because he felt suffocated by your presence.
But why?
He’d never had a problem until recently.
As he scrolls through your instagram, he looks at your most recent post.
You’re beautiful, you always have been.
Even at a young age, Jungwon thought you were pretty.
You’ve grown into an amazing, beautiful young woman.
He feels an ache in his heart at the thought of losing you.
He thinks about you, about your smile, your laugh.
Without realizing, he’s begun to ache somewhere other than his heart.
Looking down, he groans.
Now he has to go take a cold shower.
The next morning, you make your way to school, headphones in not hearing the footsteps behind you.
Jungwon throws himself in front of you, grabbing your shoulders so you stop.
Looking up at him, you try not to lean into his touch that you’ve missed so much.
“What,” you say, giving him a cold stare.
“I realized why I said what I said. It’s because I’m so infatuated with you, that I thought pushing you away would push my feelings away. I love you and I’m sorry.”
You freeze up under Jungwon’s hold, processing his confession.
“What?”
“I. Love. You.”
You feel tears begin to cascade down your cheeks, yet this time they’re not sad tears.
“Jungwon, you idiot.”
“I know,” he pulls you into a hug.
Wrapping your arms around him, you squeeze him tightly.
He pulls away, cupping your face and kissing you gently.
You kiss back, sighing in content.
When you walk into school, hands intertwined, you feel revived.
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sorry for not posting for so long, hehe
tagging @pshbites cause she wanted me to ☺️
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pixiecactus · 20 days
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something that i personally love to see in gendrya fics, is when they reunite and arya can tell that gendry is much more standoffish than before and he seems to be haunted by memories of the past (bonus points, if arya notices this because she has been observing him for a while)
what brings me to, arya has always been very curious by nature so she takes the time to find out about what caused this big change in him, because gendry has never been naturally friendly but not even back when they were surviving in the seven hells of harrenhal, he was this much of an asshole to people around him. and the conclusion she comes to: is that gendry lost someone very dear to him in the war and he's suffering from heartbreak.
but arya being arya, the only thing she thinks about this revelation is: wondering who could have been this person to impact gendry's life that much? the thought that the answer is herself, doesn't cross her mind for even a millisecond.
and i find myself nodding with my head at the screen i'm reading from, because: "geez i do wonder who could have been this person arya, i really do... it's such a mystery"
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the-eclectic-wonderer · 4 months
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fav golden girl 👁️👁️
You do realize this is like asking me to choose my favourite hand, right? Or my favourite leg? It's like choosing my favourite eye, my favourite strand of hair, my favourite organ, my favourite --
Blanche. It's-it's Blanche.
#it's painful because i really do love them all so much ;-; and i *especially* love their interactions!!! i adore them when they're together!#but if i *had* to choose one then it's blanche.#and this is not (just) because of my big big crush on rue mcclanahan i swear lmao#(especially since i also adore both bea arthur and betty white)#i think she's just the one that surprised me the most!#i *immediately* loved dorothy as soon as she appeared on scene in the pilot. *immediately*. and i only loved her more as i watched#i thought sophia was *hilarious* from the moment she walked in as well#(and she had some *great* interactions with dorothy that endeared her to me even more very early on)#and it took me a bit more to fall in love with rose but i found her very funny and charming from the start too (possibly bc of betty white)#but blanche? i *liked* blanche at the start. but i didn't *love* her#i found her funny! i found her pretty! and i loved her interactions with the girls as a whole#but it took me a while to really grasp her character bc she's so different from me#but man. once i started to figure her out... hit me like a train#idk how to explain at some point i was watching and it just hit me that 'oh wow. i really *really* love her.' you know?#now i go back to the pilot and the first episodes and i *see* all those subtleties i missed the first time around and i *adore* her#but she did catch me by surprise and i think that's why she's my favourite!#i could write a whole essay on all the things i love about her lmao but there's already enough tags on this post#(if you'd like to tell me which girl is *your* favourite i'd love to know!!!)#the golden girls#ask
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.
#I MEAN. I LIKE GIRLS. RIGHT. WHY DOES THIS FEEL SO WEIRD. I HAVE HAD ONE(1) CRUSH BEFORE AND THAT WAS A GUY.MAYBE BECAUSE OF THAT? BUT THEN#NOW WHENI THINK ABT IT WAS ONLY HOW HE LOOKED. ESPECIALLYY HIS EYES AND HE HAD VERY UHHH DRAWABLE FEATURES. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE#THINKING OF IT...I NEVER EVEN LIKE THOUGHT ABT CONFESSING OR DATING OR EVEN TALKING WITH HIM....I actively avoided even thinking about it#at that time i thought that was because in a way i was guilty of having those feelings for him considering we barely had interactedand it f#felt weirdly creepy thinking of osmeone that way without their knowledge(??)#now i still retain some of that sentiment but also...was i really romantically or sexually attracted to him at all?#when i see people and actors and characters online i do find them hot but irl...do I really want that sort of thing?#whenver i read stories of romance and close friendships too i aways want to have those in mmy life. but#like okay romance aside...even in friendships i.i just can't do them?#i like helping people and i o enjoy having casula conversations i like being nice to people too nut#but it. it feels sort of suffocating to be close to people emotionally?#i dnt know how to put it but there's always a limit after which it starts feeling weird. i want close strong bonds with people but ifeel so#uncomfortable when it starts happening.so many people around me love me in all different forms but o i really love them all back in the sam#intensity? I think I can only say that for my parents. my friends...i don't know.#do i really care about them asmuch as they care about me?#i do a lot of things...i say a lot of things that can only be said if i cared about the other person honestly and earnestly..#but. butto me it really feels like it isnt that deep#these ats of servic don't come from my heart nor my head#i just. do them because...i don't evenknow..that's just my response...i really dont think anything of it.#i don'tknw. this is all so stressful i wish icould just do whatever i ahve to do for a day interacting with peopel andleavingeverything beh#behind when icome home. but then it feelsso lonely but being around people also makes me feeluncomfortable when i try to establish bonds wi#them.#i don't knwo i wish i never gto close to them in first place.....life wouldve been so much easier
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i think i understand dating now. you find a person that seems cool and you become their friend but in a romantic way until you. actually love them. yes?
#bluebird.txt#i am schrodinger's understander of romance#90% of the time i'm like why would anyone date a stranger#why would you do that#like you have a friend then you get close to that friend then become romance??#i had a HUGE crush on a girl earlier this year and then one day i made a new friend- NO romantic feelings for her at all-#but suddenly my crush evaporated in an instant? i just stopped thinking abt her or feeling anything when i DID think abt her. completely.#but like. you meet person. become friend. then you love them. then romance. yes?#that's always been my thought process of how it works#so now i’m like oh that's how Dating works! you just pick a person and fuck around and find out if you'll love them????#it's like friendship but with. romance. hey does anyone fucking know what romance is by the way#I Don't Know Anything Ever 👍🏼#also do people really see other people and think wow i want to fuck them#bc like. i've seen hot people i like hot people but i don't think ive ever seen a hot person and thought about sex#i’ve been like wow they are extremely attractive to me but never wow i want to fuck that#is that actually how people feel? they see an attractive person and they get horny? just like that?#like physically in your genitals horny??#i'll shut up now. once again I Don't Know Anything At All 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼#i WANT to date someone to know what it's like but what i really want is to fake date a friend#fuck all this shit i really might be aroace. i fucking might. i am so not sure about anything.#who give a shit i guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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whenthegoldrays · 4 months
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Hmm
#pondering#I can’t believe it’s been a year since I gave up on my last crush#it seems like so long ago I feel like I’ve lived eight lifetimes since then#but it also feels like just yesterday#and yet I feel so…. distant from him#I mean I also never see him anymore#the only reason I did then is because I’d seek him out#and even then….#idk what I’m trying to say#just that things change#and myself of two years ago would be amazed#that I’m able to have a normal life and think about him minimally and painlessly#because two years ago I was in the DUMPS#I went through this intense phase where I just felt like I *had* to be with him and got to the point where I’d just cry out of fear that#that I’d die before I got a chance to make him fall in love with me#it was so bad I was so paranoid and lovesick and and and.. ough#I still remember that night so well#it was also a Wednesday like today and it had been an awful day and I had a headache#and I just thought. I can’t take this anymore. where are we even going. he’s never going to notice me never#i GIVE UP#it was mostly an impulse but looking back I’m so glad I followed that particular impulse#it’s like when Edmund walked out of Mary’s house not because he was super resolved but more on an impulse of the moment#just felt like the thing to do. and I may have regretted it once or twice afterwards but in the end it absolutely WAS the right call#and a couple months later YOU-KNOW-WHO showed up#absolutely insane events happening to me last year.#but now ​I feel like the girl from that one video#“girl who is going to be okay” djdjdhdh#but really! I will be!#and I am even! just taking it one day at a time#elly's posts
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bangcakes · 5 months
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.
#personal#lmao around this time last year i decided to give up on him n LMAO girl if only you knew#i should have just talked to him but djdjjdjdjd idk it felt weird. but he even like. complained one time that we didnt talk all summer#like LMAO..... bro its two ways. u could have messaged me too xjdjjdjdjdj#tho to be fair i think he did show up to a dinner but i wasnt there bc i had just had wisdom tooth surgery n was 1. blown up like a balloon#and 2. so high on pain meds i couldnt function JFJDJJDJDJDJDJ#n e way whatever jdjdjdjd im just laughing at myself bc how did this man become my closest friend from college Zhfnnddnnd#our relationship is so weird. not in a bad way but in an unexpected way#we sat beside each other an entire semester n never talked til the last day like thats so FUNNY IDK#i even said to him that time. bc we were talkin in the hallway n went to sit for the exam n sat in our regular spots of being one seat awa#y and i was like... you know its so funny that we sat beside each other all semester and only talked today#and he was like.... hahha yeah#i was gonna introduce myself but it felt so stupid JDJJDJDJD#i didnt even know his name LMAO#i had him narrowed down to 2 names. bc he was one of like 2 guys that Always showed up in another class' zoom#and LOL i was right. he WAS one of those 2 shjdjsjsj#n e way. then the next sem came n i didnt know whether to say hi to him or not bc we talked ONCE#and i was still wearing my mask at this point and so id try to smile at him with my eyes but never got a response HDNJDJD and so i got soooo#annoyed with him. and even more so bc i kept making friends with ppl and they KNEW HIM??? and i was like WHO IS THIS????#then one time he came up to me n my friends before class n we just talked and i was like o lmao this annoyance im having??? its a big ole#crush BDNNDNDND#and in community college its hard to like. know ppls ages and that day i found out he was 2 years younger so i was like o ok 26 n 28 isnt#bad at all#but thinking back.... first things we exchanged that time was age and i think he was also trying to fish for whether i was single bc he was#talkin about this other guy havin a baby n a wife n i was like o wow !! i didnt know!!#jdjxjdjdjdk god when he found out my age he was like... oh i never would have guessed you were older. you look young ZFHJDJDJDJDJD#oh so you were Looking is that right HJXJXJXJZJZJ GOD LMAO#i look back on so many moments n im like oh duh... he must be interested#but for me its like. i will literally more easily believe literally any other theory so i thought he just liked one of my friends Zhjxjx#ya i dont think so anymorem but i thought that up until like mid january HDHXJJXJDDJJDJ
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kaeyapilled · 1 year
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. (tw heterosexuality)
#i am having the worst sexuality crisis of my life. i was so sure i was a lesbian but there is this One Guy..#he makes me feel things. i think. but i cant categorize them#relationships w men sound.. unappealing.. if i think about it generally#like a random man? sounds weird. or maybe not. i dont know. i havent even had a first kiss lmao i dont really know stuff#but him............oh...........hes so funny and cool and nice to everyone. his hands are pretty (weird thing to notice but ok)#he explains math to me and i cant focus because he's too close. thats so MORTIFYING I THOUGHT I WAS A DYKE#but at the same time 12 year old me was having heart palpitations around my first girl crush and shit#and he hasnt made me feel anything that strong so far. so. idk. but also i was 12. so idk#well okay generally speaking women make me feel much more doing way less#there was this occasion where this girl who i always had a mild thing for but never did anything about it just came up to me#at school#and just. haha lol i had a dream about you last night ;)#i am not joking when i say i felt weak in the knees. she was smiling in a like playful way so i was gonna make a joke but i could not#because i was going to pass out from being too gay#this guy (or any other guy for that matter) doesn't seem to have the power to make me feel like that#..........am i bisexual with a female lean or whatever people say. or am i experiencinf the worst case of comphet of my life#this is awful. not because i don't wanna like men (its just sexuality idc) but because i don't want to prove my mom right#😭what if it WAS a phase#but who knows. mentioning the girl who dreamt about me kind of replaced the thoughts i was having of him for a bit there#i miss her she was nice. well sort of. but i was never involved in the drama so who cares fr. she graduated last year#anyways sorry for breaking character. tumblr user kaeyapilled is lore dropping
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theygender · 2 years
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My gf and I have talked about hypothetically opening up our relationship at some point in the future which would make me very happy as a polyamorous person, but I just realized that if that actually happens and I have to go back out on the dating scene I'm gonna have some trouble bc now that I'm more outwardly butch people are gonna expect me to make the first move and I have never made a first move in my entire life
In all of my relationships but two the first move was made by the other person, and I wasn't even the person who made the first move in the other two. In the first one the girl chickened out on her plans to ask me out and then our mutual friend who didn't realize that that had happened outed her by asking me what I said afterwards, and in the second one me and the other person both went to the same friend on the same day to talk about our crushes on each other and then she made us talk about our feelings
I met my current girlfriend on a dating app, and the first time she tried to ask me on a date she wanted to take me to the theater so she asked me if I had seen the new beauty & the beast movie and then instead of realizing that she was asking me on a date I said that I'd already seen it and gave her a negative review of the movie. And then when she asked me on a date again a few weeks later I had to ask to make sure it was a date when I got there 😭
...And that reminds me of another event in high school where a girl I liked took me to the mall and we walked around holding hands the entire time and then afterwards I had to get one of our mutual friends to ask her if it was supposed to be a date bc I was too nervous and also stupid 😭 Another girl that year asked me to skip class with her and told me that if I flashed my pretty smile at the teacher I could probably get away with it and I had to show the text to my friend to ask if she was flirting. I'm gonna die out there on my own 😭
#rambling#the friend i showed the message to was the same one i made ask the other girl if it was a date#and he didnt even answer he just raised his eyebrow and stared at me like 'really?'#god im just. remembering how stupid i was in high school now#there were two other crushes that i had who may have potentially liked me back and i may have even been told that by multiple people#but i was so deep in my self hatred and also stupid that i didnt think it was possible for them or anyone else to like me 😭#they both were friends of mine and they eventually stopped talking to me completely and i couldnt figure out why#and now i hope its not bc they they thought i was leading them on. bc i wasnt. i was just a massive idiot#you have to explicitly tell me that youre interested in me or want to go on a date or whatever or im not gonna get it#and tbh. that didnt even always work#my first major crush in high school was on a girl who told me directly multiple times that she was into me#but i was even DEEPER in my self hatred at that time#(and also only just figuring out how social interaction worked bc she was helping my autistic ass learn)#so i just. assumed it was a joke. bc no one could have possibly been interested in me and definitely not such an amazing person#i guess at least i have a scrap of self confidence now and im brave enough to ask for clarification now#and if i specifically ask someone on a date at least i would know for sure its a date?#and it could either be lame or cute but i could ask for permission to kiss them. it worked for my gf#i cant interpret signals for shit 😭#i dont even have a valid reason to be thinking about this right now lol its not like i have permission to date anyone else romantically yet#but ive been watching clone high with my gf and abe keeps misinterpreting joan directly saying that she wants him in increasingly dumb ways#and i just keep cringing bc i realized that that was me ahdjsksl....#only difference is in my case it was never bc i was ignoring them for someone else. it was ALWAYS bc i was an idiot#literally i would be there pining for them and every attempt they made would go right over my head#you have to be morosexual and very persistent to date me 😭 or tell a mutual friend whos very persistent ig lol#i know we are All useless lesbians but i think i deserve a medal or smth#ill hang it on my corkboard next to the souvenir that one of my crushes who i didnt think liked me back got for me in high school#which was a plastic license plate that said 'babygirl' on it bc that was her nickname for me 😅#god i really hope people didnt think i was leading them on. imagine someone thinking im a player flirting with a bunch of different girls#without ever making things official. when really if i found out for certain any of them were interested in me i would have died of shock 😭#and if we WERE in fact flirting i wouldnt have realized it. i was just SO scared and SO stupid 😭😭😭
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britneyshakespeare · 2 years
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it is weird being an aromantic asexual who is incidentally attractive. like. i just came back from a concert with my friends who have known me for years and know that about me. some of the very few real-life friends who know that about me actually and i only told them relatively recently. regardless. the only reason i had bothered to bring it up w them is that they had seen me in SO many situations that telling them “i’m asexual” was if anything just clarification. just confirmation, like, don’t worry. it’s not an inability to attach to others or whatever. if you can’t tell. like they’d seen me be pursued by quite a few people in our time as friends and at some point it seems like a curious thing if i only ever seem to feel negatively about anyone who’s attracted to me, ever, no matter who it is. and they were understanding and i knew they’d be. yeah.
we were talking on the way back about bucket list concerts we’d still like to see. we saw stromae which was a really big one of mine (my fucking boy btw, i had an amazing time). i mentioned that i don’t have very many, as i’m rarely the person to be like “yeah, let’s go to a concert” unless i have people i know i wanna go with. like i’ve been meaning to see the jonas brothers w my sister and sisters-in-law ever since they came back because it’d be a fun thing for us since we always listen to them together. 
but i would genuinely love to see super junior someday, like just for myself, wherever whenever if i was just able to get transportation (i don’t drive). i’ve loved suju for years but i got really back into them in 2020 in the pandemic as a sort of nostalgia comfort thing (but also the music they’ve put out in recent years is like, literally the best in their discography, they just keep getting better w age). and i had to go on this tangent to explain it, right?
in the first months of the pandemic, there was something weird happening to people psychologically. some kind of end-of-the-world loneliness. i mentioned that i had like 5 or 6 different people in my DMs at the time interested in me. not all of them men. and the friend who was driving said “you know, diana, if this were literally anyone else talking, i would think that this is some enormous humblebrag—”
and i like. didn’t even think about it that way. i was just trying to make my point that i had a serious thought in 2020 of like, when the world opened back up, just doing one (1) seriously manipulative thing in my life and convince one of those men who was thirsting for me to buy me tickets to super junior and go with me. it was hypothetical. this hasn’t happened and all but certainly will not. i would not feel good taking advantage of someone’s feelings like that. 
but i had to go on a tangent even before that because i was like. oh my goodness. i didn’t even realize that was a humblebrag. i’m sorry. i’m just telling a story.
#the politics of being a pretty young woman#tales from diana#i also wouldn't have felt comfortable telling anyone that anecdote about myself if they had known less about me than my friends i was with#so i guess i wouldn't be in danger of humblebragging. but sometimes i think i do? by mistake.#like when i talk about my social life in the past i always mention no one openly liked me in high school. not one person.#it very much affected how i saw myself. bc bullshit. young girls. male approval. y'know.#but in retrospect now i'm better able to tell when a boy had some kind of crush on me so i might mention it like 'he thought i was cute'#and one time a different friend i had. but one who i have also told im asexual (im trying to do that more) said to me#'you know for how unpopular you say you were in high school it seemed like a lot of ppl liked you'#i mean. yes? it's complicated. i was most certainly not popular i can tell you that.#i was more of a 'hey goob nice binder' 'hey goob wanna hang out at my house after school?' [narration: they all hated me...] kinda kid.#i probably kept myself from making friends wo realizing it but also lots of cliques i would've liked to be part of very much ignored me.#i was hot on the margins. a truly underrepresented social archetype... except that's literally every teen movie so maybe not.#i didn't have a big win in the final act that's the difference.#also before the concert we were talking about one of our other friends who is just. so fuckin funny.#like we were all talking about how much we love him. and they said they had been talking about who in the group chat we're in#has the most 'pull' and im like. pull?#like who could pick up the most ppl successfully. hypothetically.#both of them ranked me high :^) i was like. thank you.#they asked me to ponder on the topic myself and try to come back to it but i think im just confused by the concept of 'pull' itself#stromae has pull. that is all.
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vamptastic · 2 years
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two different times in middle school a (undiagnosed autistic) guy gave me a stuffed animal to profess his undying love and my friends were all like ew no he's weird don't take it but i had such a weakness for stuffed animals that i didn't care if it smelled like cigarette smoke and came with a guy following me to class for two months. in hindsight i do not regret these decisions.
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fingertipsmp3 · 2 years
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I’ve just discovered something absolutely fucking crazy and now I’m experiencing emotions previously known only to shrimp
#right so there’s this guy who i’ve kind of had a crush on since uhhh the beginning of time. or it feels that way at least#it’s never going to happen. he lives in hawaii and even when he didn’t; he barely cared that i was alive#i’m normal about it most of the time (or like.. as normal as i ever am about anything i guess) but sometimes the mental illness strikes#and i end up on his fb page. and i did that today but he hadn’t updated his fb since the last time i was on there (months ago. he’s not#very active) soooo i felt starved for new images of him so i used my tried and tested method of checking his mom’s profile. his mom posts#a lot of stuff for the world to see and is especially proud of her two sons#so this seemed like a good idea. right? WRONG. i really shouldn’t have clicked onto there because the most recent picture she posted was#a photo of him and this girl sitting on a bench together and they’re not kissing or anything but they look undeniably coupley#and the thing is I RECOGNISE THIS BITCH. she organised his fucking birthday party last year and i thought it was a normal platonic thing to#do!! but it wasn’t!!!! and what’s worse is these two have known each other for so long but they have just now got together and the reason#i know this is because she’s literally been married. 10 years ago she got fucking married AND HE WAS ONE OF THE GROOMSMEN#HE WAS BEST FRIENDS WITH HER HUSBAND IN HIGH SCHOOL AND HE WAS A GROOMSMAN. IN A TUX!!!!!#like this is sending me. the betrayal. she had a boyfriend in between so i think she’s been divorced from her husband for like 5 years plus#but like….. this shit is making me CRAZY because in one of the wedding photos (which must be her favourite because she posted it like twice#as a ‘memory’) he looks really melancholy#it’s making me so mad i could eat the fucking drywall and i can’t tell anybody because they’ll be like ‘ellen go to bed’#but like. SERIOUSLY#and the thing is i really should’ve known this was going to happen sooner or later but i had convinced myself it wouldn’t#even though he literally can pull anyone. like. he’s basically roger from 101 dalmatians but with an american accent. he can pull ANYONE#men shouldn’t be allowed to put ‘single’ in their profile if they’re not. the daydream of one day buying a one-way plane ticket to hawaii#and asking him out like i should’ve done 5 years ago has been keeping me going for longer than i would like to admit#and i really hate to say it but what bothers me most is this woman is so bland. like. i guess she has a nice face? but she’s SO BLAND#it makes me SICK#i’m going to have to rant to someone about this irl or i’m going to burst a blood vessel in my eye#hopefully my friend answers the phone tomorrow morning otherwise i’m liable to tell the doctor at my appointment lmao#at least they might take my mental health concerns seriously.#anyway. if you need me i’m going to go to bed but probably not sleep because WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK#personal#**i feel like i didn’t adequately explain but that one photo isn’t my only proof they’re together. there was proof from BOTH OF THEIR MOMS#i am SICK
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