#this application took me longer than any application I’ve done to work in LABS and fucking GOVERNMENT OFFICES

[shmothman]

retail job applications are actually the lowest circle of hell

[avengerscompound]

The Tower: Family - 24

The Tower: Family An Avengers Fanfic

Series Masterlist PREVIOUS //

Pairing:  Avengers x OFC, Bruce Banner x Bucky Barnes x Clint Barton x Wanda Maximoff x Steve Rogers x Natasha Romanoff x Tony Stark x Thor x Sam Wilson x OFC (Elly Cooper)

Word Count: 2123

Warnings:  Pregnancy, smut (MF, oral sex, vaginal sex, pregnancy sex)

Synopsis: With new powers, Thor now living on Earth full time, a wedding to plan, and Natasha and Wanda expecting, a lot is changing for Elly and her large and rather unconventional family.  When Elise’s parents try to reestablish connections, Elly questions what being a family actually means.

Chapter 24: New Hires

As we drew closer and closer to our due dates, and Wanda got to the point in her pregnancy that they thought they’d arrive at any moment (though all be it early quite early), we still hadn’t hired a nanny.  Tony had been so adamant that he’d handle it but when it actually came down to doing the hiring, the thought of strangers looking after the kids seemed to cripple him in indecision.

Eventually, Steve told him that if he didn’t get on it, the task would be taken from him, so with Natasha’s help, Tony employed a similar technique to hire our nannies as they did when Natasha first started dating me.  First Tony advertised the positions.  He then had FRIDAY do background checks on all the applicants.  After that, he interviewed the best ones.  Then Natasha, Bucky, and Wanda went out and checked into the ones Tony liked best, to make sure there wasn’t something hidden deep down.  Finally, we had the last five candidates come in and meet everyone for a less formal interview with all of us.

“Well, I definitely loved Amber,” Sam said, as we discussed which of the applicants we’d be taking on.  “She had that multitasking between talking to us while the kids showed her things down.  And she never talked down to them.”

“The dogs really liked her too,” Bucky said.  “I dunno if that matters.”

“Hell yeah it does,” Clint said.  “Dogs know shit.”

“I think Amber is a definite ‘yes’,” Bruce agreed.  “She didn’t show any signs of intimidation or uncertainty about any of this.  Like it was just another day for her.  That’s an impressive thing.”

��Oh yes,” Wanda agreed.  “She was certainly a little overwhelmed but the fact she could cover it and keep up - they need to have that.”

“So a yes to Amber,” Steve said, making a note in a file on her tablet.  “No objections?”

Everyone nodded their approval and Tony flicked a screen bringing up the other four resumes.  “And for the second?”

“What do you kids think?”  Natasha asked.  “Who did you like best today?”

“Ummm…” Pietro mused and looked at Riley.

“I wiked dem all,” Riley said.  “Dey was nice.”

“They were nice,” Bruce agreed.  “We need to choose one to live here.”

“I quite liked either Travis or Jade,” Thor said.  “They seemed to have good senses of humor.”

“Of those I liked Travis,” Wanda added.  “Jade was a little more awestruck by everyone, particularly you, Thor.  I think that’s why she was laughing so hard at your jokes.”

“Anyone have any other opinions?”  Steve asked.  “El, you’ve been uncharacteristically quiet.”

“Oh, um…” I said, looking around at everyone.  “Yeah, I’d be happy with both of them.”

“You okay, El?”  Sam asked.

“Yeah.  This is just a lot I guess,” I said.  “These people are going to live with us.”

“That’s why it took me so long to do!”  Tony said, sounding exasperated.

“You didn’t get any of those little connections to any of them, El?”  Clint asked.

I shook my head.  “No.  That would be neat, wouldn’t it?  But going off my mom, I think those are formed with people through a shared bond.  Gonna have to pick like regular people do.”

“Alright,” Steve said.  “If anyone has any objections to the new nannies being Travis and Amber speak now.”

No one said anything and Steve marked it on his file and got up.  “I’ll go make the calls.  Shall we ask them to start in two weeks?”

“Two weeks earliest, but give them until the end of the month,” Tony said.  “It might take them longer to get their affairs in order.  I mean, they’ll be moving in.”

“Right,” Steve said with a nod. “Good thinking.”

“Alright kiddos,” Bucky said, getting up.  “I’m gonna take the puppies to the park.  You want to come?”

“Yeah!”  They said, jumping to their feet and running to Bucky.  The dogs ran after them.

Natasha heaved herself up.  “That means me too,” she said.

“Anyone else?”  Bucky asked.

“Yeah, I’ll come,” Clint said, getting up.  Sam stood up as well and stretched.  “Yeah, why not.  We can go on the swings, hey kiddos?”

“Yeah!”  Riley squealed, grabbing Sam’s hand and swinging on it.

“And with that, I think I might head back down to the lab,” Bruce said, following the little group to the elevator, and leaving just Thor, Tony, Wanda, and I in the living room.

“What shall the four of us do?”  Thor asked, stretching out on the couch.

“Thor,” Wanda said, shifting uncomfortably.  “The babies are pressing on my sciatica nerve.  Can you rub my back for me?”

“Of course, my life,” he said getting up and helping Wanda to her feet.  “Shall we go to the special chair Anthony acquired?”

“Yes, please,” Wanda said. 

I watched them head up the stairs together and Tony moved over beside me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder.  “Just you and me,” he said.

“It’s been a while since it was just the two of us,” I said, cuddling into his side.  “Thought you’d be my shadow this time.”

“Got the feeling if I did that, you’d punch me,” he joked, running his hand over my stomach.  He pressed his hand down and was rewarded with a kick from Edwin.  Tony grinned and leaned down and kissed the spot the baby had kicked.  “Hey little guy,” he whispered.

I pushed my hand into his hair and began to massage his scalp.  He looked up at me.  “I’ve been trying to be more balanced.  You know?  Work, and here and the others and you.  I hyperfocus on things and I don’t want to do that and miss out on everything else.”

I smiled and leaned down as much as I could, kissing him on the temple.  “I love that you’re thinking about that,” I said.  “But I’m glad we’re getting some nice one-on-one time too.”

He sat up and grinned at me.  “Yeah.  Gotta take special care of my wifey.”

I leaned in and kissed him, smiling into his lips.  He pulled back and looked at me.  “So what do you want to do?  We could watch a movie.  I could rub your feet.  We could invent time-travel.  You could finally introduce me to your mom.”

I sighed.  Things were going pretty well with mom.  I’d seen Ian and his kids a few more times and Olivia had come to visit.  I was still being cautious though.  She hadn’t met Riley or Pietro nor had she met Tony or Steve.

“I know it seems kind of arbitrary that I haven’t let you or Steve meet her yet,” I explained.  “But I need to be sure she’s definitely here for me.  That she understands the life I have and accepts me.  If I introduce you to her then she’s right up close to the man she was grooming me to marry.  I just… I need to be so sure that she’s not just trying to go through me to get to you.  Which I know is what my dad was doing.”

“Okay, okay,” Tony said, waving his hand.  “So what then?  You want me to sex you up?”

I started laughing.  “Not if it’s a chore.”

He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me close.  “It’s never a chore, dear.  Not for me.”

He pulled me into a deep kiss, smothering my laughter.  I hummed and wrapped my arms around him and pushed my hands up under his jacket.  I pulled back and looked at him.  “Maybe if you’re gonna sex me up we should go upstairs.”

“Who are you worried about walking in on us? The kids will be gone for hours.  The cleaners are done.  The worst that could happen is Steve could come in,” Tony said.  “And then he’ll just get a nice show.”

“You’re sure?” I asked, running my hands around his waist and up his stomach.

“Who are you talking to?” He teased.

I looked at him and chewed my bottom lip.  “Then you better get on your knees.  You’re gonna be eating me out.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he smirked, slipping off the couch and kneeling between my legs.  I spread them wider and leaned back as he pulled my panties down.  His head disappeared under my skirt and nosed at my cunt.  He used his fingers to spread my folds and ran his tongue up the length of my crevice.  He dipped it inside me and ran it up over my clit.

I moaned loudly and my cunt flooded immediately.  I could feel the wetness seeping from me as a warm tingle spread through my core.  I let my head fall back on the couch and closed my eyes.  He expertly used his mouth on me.  He knew my body better than he knew his own.  He knew when to tease at me lightly and when to apply more pressure.  When to suck and when to lick.  He knew every trick to get me right on the edge and hold me there begging him for more.

“Oh god… god, Tony… please!”  I begged, rocking my hips against his face and digging my fingers into the couch.

He chuckled against my cunt and sucked my clit into his mouth and flicked his tongue over it.  I gasped and jerked up, coming on his face as I moaned loudly.  “Fuck…” I groaned.

Tony lapped it up greedily and got up, wiping his face.  “Now, how are we going to do this.”

“Sit down, I’m gonna ride you,” I said.

He got up and pulled me to my feet.  “Always gotta be on top, even when your preggo.”

“Being pregnant doesn’t make me not the boss, Tony,” I said, unfastening his belt.

He laughed and unfastened his pants, sitting back on the couch and pulling out his dick.  I watched on, chewing my bottom lip as he pulled out his cock and started to pump it in his fist.

“Well, come on dear,” he said.  “Take a seat.”

I turned so that I was facing away from him and straddled his lap, slowly lowering myself down.  He guided his cock inside me, and we both let out a quiet moan as I seated myself on it.

“How are you doing there?”  He asked as he skimmed his hands around my hips and over my stomach.

“Mmm… good,” I hummed, leaning back against him.

He spanked my thigh.  “Then get riding.”

I chuckled and started to bounce in his lap, moving up and down on his cock so our thighs slapped together every time I dropped back down.  Tony’s arm curled around me, supporting my stomach with his forearm as his fingers found their way back to my already sensitive clit.

“Oh god,” I gasped, letting my head fall forward.  “Go easy, I’m right on edge.”

“That’s okay,” Tony teased.  “You can come as many times as you need to.”

I kept moving up and down, up and down on his cock.  Shifting in his lap so I could get the angle just right that the head hit my g-spot with each movement.  He began to rut up into me, countering my movements as he quickly fucked up into me.

“Fuck…” I moaned, starting to feel weak as another orgasm built and pressed down in my core.  He grabbed my hips and held me in place, snapping his hips up into me.  My whole body shuddered and seized up, coming hard around his cock.

He guided me forward, keeping his cock buried deep inside me.  I dropped to my knees and braced my hands on the coffee table.  He crouched over me and began to bounce above me, penetrating me deeply again and again as he chased his own orgasm.

I moaned and shuddered under him and another orgasm hit.  I cried out with it and barely managed to hold myself up as it crashed through me.  Tony’s thrusts began to stutter and with a low groan, he thrust into me and came.

“Fuck, Tony,” I moaned as his cock pulsed inside me.

“See, told you we had time,” he teased.

He slipped out of me and fell back, pulling his pants back up.  I sat back on my feet, breathing heavily.  “So now what?”  He asked.  “Wanna go watch a movie?  We could get the bed out and snuggle.”

I nodded and held out my hands.  It was nice getting one on one time.  Not just with Tony, but with everyone.  It was a nice reminder that even as we were working as a family unit better than ever, we should still take time with each other alone too.  “That sounds really nice, Tony.”

// NEXT

[dreaming-in-alicante]

Chapter 3 is finally done! Sorry it took longer - finals week happened and it was a harder chapter to write for some reason. I'm excited to finish this story though - we're half-way through :)

Chapter 3: Lighting the flame

Christopher met his friends outside, where they piled into a carriage and set off for the Devil Tavern. The atmosphere between them was still tense; James and Matthew, sitting across from him, were quiet. Christopher wished, as he so often did, that he understood people better. He hated it when they all fought, and now it was partly his fault and he didn’t know how to fix it. Thankfully, James took the initiative.

“Kit,” he began, “we’re sorry for being so confrontational. It’s only you have to understand how it looks from our perspective. Grace’s actions, even if she regrets them, caused a great deal of pain.” James looked troubled.

“Thomas shared some of what you all learned yesterday talking to Jesse,” Matthew said softly. “About how bad things were for her with Tatiana. And it…well I still don’t trust her but it sounds like she’s trying to be – to be better. And I out of everyone should be sympathetic to that.” His hand moved unconsciously to his jacket. He had stopped carrying a flask everywhere but after so many years of drinking, it was still a reflex to reach for the alcohol.

James seemed to notice this motion, and clasped his parabatai’s shoulder briefly in support, then returned his attention to Christopher. “I suppose what I’ll say is that I cannot soon forget what Grace has done, and I prefer to avoid her,” James said carefully, “but I – none of us – should be trying to control who you spend time with Kit. I am sorry. If you trust her, then we shall trust you.”

“Oh, jolly good,” Christopher said, immensely relieved. He hated conflict, especially with his friends. “I am sorry that I didn’t think to mention her helping. She’s the first friend I’ve ever made.”

His friends all looked suddenly gut-punched for some reason. “Kit, do you not think we’re friends?” Matthew asked, appearing quite distressed.

“Of course we are! Aren’t we?” Christopher was, for a second time that evening, horribly confused.

“But you just said –” James began, looking stricken.

“Do you mean she’s the first friend that you personally have made, on your own, Kit?” Thomas asked, understanding Christopher best as usual.

“Precisely!” Christopher said, then realized, “Ah, I understand now how that sounded. I meant that – well, I’m related to two of you and we all just sort of fell in together didn’t we? I have never made a friend on my own.” The rest of the Merry Thieves relaxed visibly.

“Fair enough,” Matthew said, looking relieved. “Honestly Kit, Grace Bla – sorry , Cartwright – out of everyone you could choose for a friend.” He shook his head but there was a teasing glint in his eye.

“She’s really a wonderful lab partner!” Christopher assured them cheerfully. “She’s been organizing everything and making an inventory. And she had a wonderful insight the other day about this reaction with sulfuric acid.”

Thomas shifted on the seat next to Christopher as he said “I never would have expected scientific curiosity from Grace of all people, but she was right at home in that laboratory today.”

“Honestly, it took me a second to recognize her – wearing a dark dress, and those ridiculous goggles that you also wear in the lab,” Matthew said, gesturing at Christopher.

“They may not be fashionable, but they are very important as protective gear,” Christopher told him.

Matthew shuddered slightly but smiled good-naturedly as he said, “And that is why I will never pursue science. Terrible field for the fashion-minded.” This started him on a wild story about finding a new waistcoat earlier that week. Christopher was quite satisfied that peace had been restored, and thoroughly enjoyed the rest of the night with his friends.

_________________________________________________________

The following Wednesday, Christopher was even more eager than usual to get to Grosvenor Square – Henry was due to arrive back in London that morning. He was keen to get Henry’s thoughts on several projects, especially the runed guns and the fire messages.

Christopher started the morning by testing another rune combination on a message. This attempt ended, as many did, in a small explosion. He was still putting out a fire on the lab table when Grace arrived for the day. She greeted him briefly before starting to set up a reaction flask. During her organization of the lab she had come across a vial with some mysterious white powder. Christopher had no idea what it was, so they decided it would be an intriguing exercise for her to determine the contents.

Soon after Grace’s arrival, a humming noise sounded, then a whistling, signaling that the elevator down to the lab was in use. Christopher hurried over as the doors opened. “Welcome back, Henry!” he said, grinning.

Henry looked just the same as always, with perhaps a bit more gray in his hair after the stress of the past few months. “Kit, my boy!” he greeted as he maneuvered his Bath chair out of the elevator and towards the lab table. “How are things going? Any progress on those guns with the pithos? And you must help me examine this sample of water I brought back from Alicante, I wonder if we could try using it in another version of demon repelling ointment. Being around so many wards, it may be imbued with some demon-repelling properties.” He reached the work table and paused as he finally noticed Grace standing there. Henry looked bewildered and Christopher struggled to remember whether he had mentioned Grace in his letter to Henry. He was fairlysure that he had.

“Hello!” Henry said to her pleasantly, “You’re the one with the demon powers that was briefly engaged to my son. Gladys, yes?” Well, letter or otherwise, at least Henry remembered her.

“Grace, actually,” she replied, looking tense, her posture stiff. “I do want to apologize again for…everything.”

Henry waved off her concern and said, “It all ended alright didn’t it? Charles Buford will find someone else. And Kit mentioned you’ve been a great help in the lab recently!”

Good, Christopher thought, I did remember to include that in the letter.

“I would actually be quite interested to hear about your power and how it worked. Especially through a bracelet, fascinating!” Henry continued as he maneuvered towards the rack of chemicals.

Grace appeared exceedingly uncomfortable, but quickly warmed up to Henry throughout the day as he described various project ideas to her and took a look at her reactions. By that evening, when all three were involved in a lengthy discussion about runes and the application of runes to invention, it was as if Grace had always been part of the team. Christopher was delighted anew that Grace understood both he and Henry in a way that very few others did.

They finally finished for the night after Charlotte had called down the stairs three times with increasing insistence about coming up for dinner. Grace left to catch a carriage home with a smile on her face. Christopher wished briefly that she could stay longer, but he was comforted by the fact that she would return in the morning.

_________________________________________________________

“Hullo Grace!” Christopher said happily as she entered the lab early the next day. He then bent back down to examine a glass slide under the microscope. Henry was occupied entertaining some visitors with Charlotte, but Christopher was already hard at work. “You must come take a look at this sample of water from Lake Lyn that Henry brought,” he told her. It was fascinating watching the microorganisms move about in the droplet under the lens. When Grace did not immediately respond, he looked up and actually got a good look at her face. “I say, is something wrong, Grace? You’re a bit –” He was about to say ‘splotchy’, for her normally pale face was quite red in parts. He caught himself at the last second however, remembering his mother saying that a gentleman should never remark on a lady’s less-than-favorable appearance. “You look upset,” he said instead. She was not her normal cool and collected self.

He thought that Grace would brush off his concern, and she indeed stiffened and started to turn away. Then she met his gaze and her shoulder slumped in resignation. “I encountered Charles on my way in,” she explained.

“Ah. I forgot that he would be returning with Henry,” Christopher said, wincing. “Things are still awkward after ending the engagement then?”

“More than awkward,” she answered, expression still pinched. “He is still extremely upset that I manipulated his mind. Said I’d made a fool of him and he doesn’t want me in his house.” She set her coat and hat down on the stool with more force than strictly necessary.

Christopher frowned and said, “Technically it’s Henry and Charlotte’s house.”

A faint smile rose on Grace’s lips. “That’s precisely what I told him, and I mentioned that I worked with Henry just yesterday. He then called you both ‘trusting fools’ and made some…unflattering statements about my personage.”

“Well perhaps if we give him some more time, he’ll come round!” Christopher said optimistically. “I suppose it’s easier for me to say since you only used your power on me once or twice compared to the many more times you used it on him.”

Grace looked at him, pale brows drawn together in puzzlement. “I never used my power on you, Christopher,” she said slowly.

Christopher was wholly astonished by her statement. “You – never? Really?” he asked, mentally reeling. “What ho! But the night you came to the laboratory and helped me figure out the pithos I – are you sure?”

Grace shook her head. “Never. I’m completely sure,” she said firmly. “I would have apologized if I had, I –” she stared at him, looking almost indignant. “You really invited me here, have been working with me, and all this time you though I had manipulated you that night? And never gave you a formal apology?” she asked incredulously.

“When you asked about joining me in the lab that first day, you apologized for everything again. I assumed that included any time you used your power on me!” Christopher said, thoughts racing. He had been so eager to help her that night. Although now that he thought about it, they had discussed a lot of science, which he now knew Grace was genuinely interested in. “Why didn’t you?” he asked her, very curious.

Grace hesitated before saying, “I didn’t need to. You weren’t bothered by my being there and you were happy to show me around.” Something flickered in her pale eyes. “I never liked using my power when I could avoid it. I suppose because I knew that it was wrong,” she added. She looked as if she might say something else, but at that moment a whistling noise from the elevator indicated that Henry was on his way down to the lab.

They were soon absorbed in experimenting and discussing theories but at points Christopher found his focus drifting back to their conversation, and even farther back to that first night in the lab. It seemed like Grace had used her power on nearly everyone at some point, yet incredibly, she had never used it on him despite numerous opportunities. Christopher didn’t know what to make of that.

_________________________________________________________

It was just Christopher and Henry in the lab the following day. Grace was training with Jesse, and then planned to take a tour around the city with her brother, Lucie, and Ariadne (who was apparently going by Kamala these days). Christopher could never be bored working with Henry but after having Grace’s constant companionship for nearly a month it was…strange, to be working with only Henry and not her.

The day’s work proved incredibly successful, however. Upon Henry’s suggestion, Christopher added a bridge rune to the fire communication rune he had been tinkering with for months. He was thrilled to observe the message burn up and reform a few feet away. Henry, delighted, helped him replicate the results numerous times to prove that it was a repeatable phenomenon. Henry demonstrated it for a startled Charlotte (she had been interrupted in the middle of writing a letter in her office). She beamed, proud of them both, giving Henry a congratulatory kiss.

Christopher could not wait to share the good news with Grace. He wished she had been there to see it the first time, but no matter – there would be plenty of time to demonstrate it tomorrow.

He and Henry spent the rest of the afternoon trying to get the messages to travel farther than a few feet. Although foiled in these attempts, the breakthrough left them both very pleased as they finished for the day.

_________________________________________________________

Christopher was waiting at the entrance for Grace the next morning, eager to share the news. She looked startled to find him right behind the door as it opened, which he supposed was unusual given that they always met down in the lab. She had barely finished saying good morning before he could not contain his excitement and exclaimed, “You must come see the breakthrough Henry and I made yesterday, Grace! We’re so close to having a working fire-message!” He caught her arm and hurried her to the stairs down to the lab. She seemed a bit disoriented by his sudden enthusiasm but listened intently with a bemused smile as he explained the thought process behind the rune combination they had tried.

They reached the work table and Christopher quickly traced out the new rune. The paper burned up and reformed a few feet in front of them. When it reappeared, Grace grinned widely. “Incredible!” she declared, and she snatched the paper to study the rune. It occurred to Christopher that Grace had a very nice smile. She normally had a serious face, but smiles had become more frequent as the weeks had passed.

“What have you tried adding to this so far?” she asked. Christopher grabbed his notebook and they reviewed what he had recorded the previous day.

“Do you mind if I try some things?” Grace asked. “I’ve been studying that book on runes that Henry gave me – I think I may have a few ideas.”

“By all means!” Christopher told her, delighted. “I could use a break from runes after all the work yesterday. I think I’ll experiment with the Lake Lyn water today and try a demon-repelling ointment again.”

“All right, then,” she said, and set to work with a determined expression.

Later that afternoon, Henry already finished for the day and off to some important dinner, Christopher was checking the now-complete inventory list. “Blast!” he said softly, then called over to Grace, “Do you remember seeing nightshade anywhere when you were organizing?”

She pursed her lips in thought, then shook her head. “No, none,” she answered.

“I suppose I’ll be taking a trip to the Shadow Market tonight then,” Christopher said. He was determined to try combining some nightshade extract with the new demon-repelling ointment he was developing.

“The Shadow Market?” Grace queried, eyebrows raised in interest. “Do you go there often? I wanted to go before when I was looking for something to help Jesse, but I was never confident that I could find my way around.”

“It’s a wonderful place! I have to go fairly often for ingredients that are, er, not strictly approved by the Clave,” he explained. “Oh!” he said, struck by an obvious thought, “would you like to accompany me tonight?”

“I would love to,” Grace said, looking excited. She sent a letter to Jesse to inform him of the change in plans, and eagerly questioned Christopher about various aspects of the Market.

They each wrapped up their work as the sun began to set, the changing sky visible from a high window in the basement. Christopher was locating his coat and hat when he realized he should ask Grace about weapons. It was unlikely they’d face any demons in the carriage or Shadow Market, but it was good to be prepared. She had daggers on her already, but he offered her a seraph blade in addition. Ready, with ingredient list in hand, the set out to the carriage.

Christopher offered Grace an arm up, then followed her in. Their knees brushed together as he settled on the seat opposite Grace and the carriage began moving. Christopher noticed that she looked somewhat flushed. “Would you like the window open?” he asked. “You look a bit warm.”

“No, I’m perfectly comfortable, thank you,” she said, appearing discomposed. “What are you hoping to accomplish with the nightshade that you’ll be getting?” she asked.

Christopher happily launched into a lengthy explanation of his thought process and the previous attempts at demon-repelling ointment, and the discussion lasted them all the way to the Shadow Market.

[cecilspeaks]

170 - To the Family and Friends

Love the winner, hate the win. Welcome to Night Vale.

I start today with sad news. I must inform you of the passing of Intern Victor. To the friends and family of Intern Victor, we extend our condolences. Oh, that reminds me. Our intern program has a new open spot available. Hours are flexible, as is time itself. You must be fluent in at least three languages, although one of those can be your own dream language, and another can be a future language that doesn’t yet exist. This is an entry level position. All applicants must have 30 years experience in the field of community radio, and have been the managing director of at least 2 radio stations, or equivalent unregistered stations broadcasting coded messages to our brave spies in the field. This is a non-paying position, but we do give you 4 credits to the institutions of your choice. Please apply in person by groveling before the Station Management door and crying: “Choose me! Choose me!” as their tendrils draw you slowly toward them. I look forward to meeting whoever is hired. Always so fun when we get a new intern.

And now for a look at the day’s news. The Night Vale Medical Association has ordered a review of the management of Night Vale Asylum, after a number of irregularities have cropped up involving a transdimensional missing plane and a pilot who could control people’s thoughts. “Honestly, we had a lot of cases like that back in the 60’s,” said Lonnie Chapman, chairman of the Medical Association. “Mental institutions used to be cruel places, where the fragile rift between dimensions was regularly breached and telekinetic powers were exploited. And people were treated as less than people, for the simple crime of having an illness that could not be found in the blood or the bile.” Lonnie settled back into the sagging comfort of his old arm chair, sighed and rubbed his forehead. “We endeavour to help, not to other,” he whispered. “It should be common sense, this kindness. Why is kindness not common sense?” He said this last so quietly that no one heard him. Dust motes circled tirelessly in the afternoon sun through the window. The Night Vale Medical Association is looking to shut down the outdated asylum and replace it with a brand new state of the art treatment center, located near Grove Park. More on this story as the story has more to it.

I guess I should get into a little more detail about how Intern Victor died, since some of you might be curious. You know, I think the story starts back in my very first days as host of this radio station. After the previous host, Leonard Burton, after – umm… ehhhh.. Once I took over as host of this radio station, Victor was one of my first interns. Eager and earnest and always helpful. He was first in the station in the morning and last one out at night. His research was impeccable. 

“That’s not true,” he would say every time I said something that wasn’t true. “That’s not true either,” he would say. He would say stuff like that a lot. He was very diligent. It kind of felt like we were starting this great adventure in radio broadcasting together. I thought that some day after I… after… ehhhhh.. ummm… once I was no longer host of this radio station, perhaps Victor would be the one to take over. “Some day, Victor,” I would murmur in the quietest hours of the night shift, “Some day maybe you will be where I am now.” “Maybe, Cecil,” he would say back into the intercom from the producer’s booth, “But for now, please stop murmuring that into the mic. We’re live right now. Then one day he told me he was leaving. That he appreciated all the time he had spent as an intern, that he had learned a lot, but that he felt his place in the world was not with radio after all. [sputters] “Not with radio?!” I sputtered. I simply did not understand the concept. “If there is not community radio, then what is there? What is there besides that? Will someone tell me what else there is?” “Thank you for our time together,” he said gently, and then he left. It would be the last time I saw him for many years.

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I didn’t finish with the story of how Intern Victor died, I guess. Ummm, let me quickly wrap that up. So, a few years after he left, he came back again. He was older than me now with salt and pepper hair and a stiffness to his walk. When he had left, he had been several years younger than me, but time changes us all, I suppose. “Cecil! I didn’t know if you’d still be here,” he said. I bristled at this, hearing a perceived implication that I should have gone on to something larger, that by staying put I had allowed him to be pull ahead of me in some intangible way. So I responded with manic friendliness to compensate. “Still here!” I shouted. “Great to see ya, buddy wo-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-how! What have you been up to?” He told me that he had left Night Vale, gotten an apartment just outside of somewhere called Fresno, that it was difficult at first, and that he felt lonely much of the time. But that he had slowly made friends, so many friends, and had found a job that became a career that became part of his life. He worked with teenagers who were going through a tough time, seeing them through to better times. He was very well liked for what he did, and he was very good at it. “But I’ve decided to retire,” he said. “I’m getting up in the years, you know? But wow, you don’t look like you’ve aged a day.” “I haven’t,” I said. He was so much older than me then. I wondered where the years had gone and what I might have accomplished, if I had aged as well. He had retired to Night Vale to be with his family and friends and the people who knew and loved him best, and relax into the soft years of his latter life. So that… wait. Well, that’s not how he died, but I have to get to this next report. I’ll finish it in a second.

And now traffic. There was a song once sung by sailors of an island in the west, where the sun would shine forever and not a minute less. They say that on that island a sailor could find their rest, finally let slip shut their eyelids on that island in the west. But I’ve been searching, and been searching all my life, as though some cruel test, and have never found my way to that island in the west. There was a song once sung by sailors and I believed it, I confess. A foul lie I still believe in, my sweet island in the west. This has been traffic.

Intern Victor lived in Night Vale for many years more. He was active in charities and volunteer groups, continuing to offer counseling to students at the local high school. He lived in the Hefty Sycamore Trailer Park, watering a garden of flowers that he kept in pots around his trailer. It seemed that Victor was even more busy in retirement than he had been in his long career. Returning to his community seemed to invigorate him. He helped Carlos with experiments at the labs, donning goggles and lab coats and writing down numbers with hearts around them, all of that science stuff. Carlos said he was surprisingly good at it for someone without training. He worked with Dana at City Hall, creating the No More Pit initiative, which strove to keep one teen a year from entering that pit on Clement Street and disappearing forever. Now, the initiative was unsuccessful and the pit continues to devour but they, it was the attempt that matters. He acted as a volunteer lifeguard at the Waterfront Recreation Area, at which he saved a record five people in one day from drowning! A truly astounding record when you consider that there is no water at the Waterfront Recreation Area, Night Vale having an entirely arid climate.

Yes, Intern Victor was accomplished and well liked. He would have made a fine host at this radio station some day, but he never showed much interest, which is a pity. Because after I… After, well… Who will take up that mantle? Not Victor, not anymore. Well, I guess I still haven’t told the story of how he died.

Uh, let me do that just After the weather. 

[A List for Spring” by Joseph Fink https://josephfink.bandcamp.com/]

Victor was in bed. The curatin over the window shifted slightly in the breeze, so the sun flickered in the room, shadow and bright, like a message from the world outside that he would never live to understand. His breath felt like a finite quantity, slowly drawn out of his chest. He knew that the last of it was coming soon. He wanted to use the drags of his breath for words that would sum up his life, but he couldn’t think of any. He could only think of “I am tired”. He could only think of “Thank you for being here.” He could only think of “I wish I had more time”, although eh didn’t know what he would have done with that time if he had any. 

Around his bed were the people who had known him throughout his life. There was his sister Carly, and his brother Herman, and his aunt Ronnie, ancient and brittle but apparently destined to outlive him. There was his friend from college, Norm, whose hands shook as he looked into Victor’s eyes. There was former mayor Dana and her brother, leaning into each other in sorrow, keeping each other upright as a family creature of grief. There was Carlos in an understated lab coat, frowning. There was nothing more scientific than death, and yet Carlos hated the fact of it. And he wrestled with the contradiction within himself. Some natural processes feel unnatural, no matter how many times they occur to us, they are a surprise that our whole life spends telegraphing.

In the corner was Rosario, one of the teenagers Victor had worked with back in Fresno, who had eventually moved to Night Vale after getting lost in the shelves of a strange antique shop and waking up in the vacant lot out back of the Ralphs. She was middle-aged now, her face glistened with tears. “Everything I am is because of you,” she said. Victor snorted. “Don’t blame me,” he said with one of those last precious breaths. And she grinned despite herself. “You were the first person that cared about who I was,” she said. “I’ll never forget you.” “Already I’m in past tense,” he said, but he grabbed her hand and clasped it in a fervent silent thank you. Because she was testament that he had been useful, and there was nothing more important in a human life than to be useful to other people.

I was there too, and I stepped forward. “You were the best intern I ever had,” I said. “I know,” he said, and he winked.

It can be… strange when we first meet someone when they are young and just started out, and are in the entry positions in the career they want, to realize they have the potential for an entire life. Victor ended up a great man. A man with deep roots in the community. A man who went from 10 years younger than me to several decades older than me. And I… well, I still think of him as an intern, and I suppose I always will, but his potential was realized upon the lives of everyone in that room, and many other lives still.

A strong breeze came through the window and the flickering of light increased, as though that incoherent messenger was getting more frantic to be understood. Victor knew that his finite breaths had reached their last few. And he did not use them to say anything at all. He smiled, and met each of our eyes, and then… And then after…

To the family and friends of Intern Victor. To the family. To our families, blood or chosen. They are the net on which we can fall again and again. To the friends, to our friends. The people who make life worth living. Who help us when we need help. Who we help when we need to help.

Intern Victor was a good intern. He was a good person. He is gone. We are here. Let’s make ourselves useful. To all families. To all friends.

Stay tuned next for a tall glass of water greedily, drunk by a person who did not realize they were thirsty until the liquid hit their lips.

Good night, Night Vale, Good night.

Today’s proverb: Earth is technically a sandwich, where the upper bread is stars and the lower bread is stars and the filling is rock and lava and a few incidental humans.

[scribbles97]

Left Behind -- Chapter 21

In which Gaat tries to break Lucy

PART 1 /  Chapter 14 / Chapter 15 / Chapter 16 / Chapter 17 / Chapter 18 / Chapter 19 / Chapter 20 / Chapter 21

Read on Ao3

As a hologram lit up the cockpit, Lucy turned to face it, glaring at the bald man that appeared. He chuckled as a grin spread across his face, raising an eyebrow at her, “Hello, Lucy.”

“Gaat.” She growled. 

“I see you found my Zero-X two. It’s just a shame you won’t be going anywhere on it.”

Stepping across the space she leant down over the hologram, “I gathered as much when I realised your cockpit was the wrong way around.”

Gaat chuckled, throwing his head back slightly as he did so, “My dear Lucille, it is simply a hologram. What you are stood in is an empty shell that is yet to be completed. When I found out your two friends and yourself wished to pay a visit to my ship I felt it would be improper for it to be unfinished when you arrived.”

The pieces fell into place like parts to a puzzle. 

Blood drained from her cheeks and hope from her heart. 

“You wanted us to come early, set it up so that we would come now rather than when the ship was actually finished.”

He snorted with a nod, “Well done. Now, any ideas why?”

She shook her head slowly at him, eyes wide and worried. Gaat always had a motive, there was always something more to his plan. Hugh had likened it to playing chess once. 

“I need something Lucy, something that you have on that island of yours.”

Her frown deepened, “What? How do you--”

“Anyone is free to take photos of you on rescues,” Gaat grinned, “Did you ever get a chance to ask Lee about his little jaunt out in Thunderbird Three the other day? He was quite excited about the applications of those new pressure equalising suits of yours.”

Each breath came heavier, angrier at him for whatever it was he was up to, even if she wasn’t quite sure what it was yet. 

“I wish I could say it was me that ordered the GDF escort, but unfortunately it was simply my contact there having the most excellent foresight and a little bit of good luck.” He continued, reaching for something out of the view of the comm, “It’s a lovely place you’ve got here. I do like the ocean view.”

The background of the room he was in came into focus and she immediately recognised the lounge she hadn’t seen for almost a week. 

Bile rose in her throat as her heart raced in her chest, fear, anger, and hurt all fighting for top spot as she watched him lift one of the photos from her desk to the hologram. 

“Don’t worry, I haven’t touched any of your precious family. Those that I didn’t send out on a rescue seem to have made themselves scarce.”

She shook her head, knowing what she had organised as fact before she had left, “No, they’re off duty, they wouldn’t…”

“Yes, you almost put a spanner in my works,” Gaat sighed, “But your family are heroes are they not? It was easy to persuade them the world still needed help. All it took was a capsized super yacht and some misplaced space debris. If you don’t believe me, I’ll wait whilst you check in with them.”

Checking in would lead to questions that she didn’t want, or have time to answer. Yet, she wasn’t convinced that she could simply trust what he was telling her. Gaat had always told mistruths, twisting fact until it was fiction and leaving her never quite sure of what to believe. 

“Lucy.” Kyrano spoke in her ear, “I’ve just spoken to Tanusha, it’s Gaat. He’s on the Island. I don’t know how he’s done it, but he’s lured them all away. There’s nobody there except Sally, Alan, and Brains.”

Reaching up she touched her comm, opening the line between her and the outside world, “I know, Kyrano. I’m stood talking to him.”

Somewhere off of the line, Hugh swore loudly, cursing the man facing her. 

“Why?” She asked Gaat, voice low, angry and dangerous.

From what he had already said she feared that she knew the answer. As she had said to Michael earlier, Gaat took what he wanted, when he wanted it. Except, never before had she been the one he had wanted to take so much from. 

“I want the pressurisation suits Lucy. Do you know where I might find them?”

She shook her head at him, “Why should I give them to you? You’ll only use them for your own gains and such like.”

He smiled and nodded, “And potentially for going to space also… either way, you’re going to give them to me.”

“How can you be so sure?” She spat. 

His smile fell, entire face growing serious as he watched her with blank eyes that were entirely different to those Michael had worn. 

“Because if you don’t, Lucy, a series of explosions will begin, starting with the cockpit you are currently standing in, and ending with the debris our dear friends Evangeline and Lee are clearing up in orbit.”

He didn’t need to specify that her three boys were involved somewhere between the two. The thought of something happening to any of them because of him didn’t bear thinking about. 

“You’re not going to take them.” She murmured, mind racing, trying to figure out some way to get around his ultimatum. 

He snorted, “And are you sure about that Lucille?”

“You heard her Gaat.” Kyrano’s voice cut in sounding hard and firm even through the speaker of her suit, “Tanusha has already warned the others, they’re returning to the island as we speak.”

“I wouldn’t worry about the other’s getting back,” Lee’s familiar drawl came from Gaat’s end of the comm, “Some of us never left.”

Gaat growled, his face falling into a frown. She assumed it was aimed at Lee, wherever he was in the room. She took the distraction, touching her comm to close off her voice to anyone outside of her helmet,

“Kyrano, are the others safe?”

“Sally, Alan, and Brains are locked in the labs, they’re safe. The others know they were walking into a trap and abandoned their rescues before they arrived at them.” He confirmed quickly and quietly, “From the security feed, Lee and Tanusha are in the lounge with Gaat. He’s going nowhere.”

“--my sister, you murdered my best friend. You’re done hurting this family Gaat.” Lee was saying as she refocussed on the conversation in the lounge. 

He snorted, eyes turning to her glee marring his frown, “Do you really think your brother would shoot me Lucille?”

She might have been against the use of guns and live ammunition, but that didn’t stop Lee from keeping up with his full license. Whilst Gaat had hurt her, Lee was her brother and despite being younger, that title came with a degree of protectiveness she had never been quite able to shake. There wasn’t quite any telling what he might do in response to a threat from the other man. 

“The decision ain’t down to her Gaat,” Lee responded whilst Lucy was still dwelling on her answer.

“Shoot me and the ship she is on goes boom.” Gaat murmured, “It will be years before the conditions are correct for another launch to find Jeff.”

She winced at the comment, sucking in a sharp breath and holding it as she waited for Lee’s response. Anger was what she expected, most likely aimed at her for not telling him what had been going on. Disbelief wasn’t something Lee often experienced, too keen on focusing on the facts for the stray thoughts to have a chance to creep in. 

“Jeff is dead.” Lee growled, “What have you said to her to make her think otherwise?”

“He hasn’t.” She cut in before Gaat could say anything, knowing that she couldn’t let him twist the truth for her, “It was Hugh and Kyrano that found out. Gaat’s right, Jeff could be out there.”

There was silence across the comm, the moment long and full of nothing. She couldn’t even see Lee’s face to figure out just what he might have been thinking in response to the revelation. Her stomach twisted and heart thundered as she gripped the console, just waiting. 

“Uncle.” Tanusha broke the silence, “I think it’s time you left.”

“Not until I get what I came for, Tanusha.”

Lee’s tut was loud across the comm, “You ain’t gettin’ nothin’ from us, Gaat.”

Swallowing at the comment, Lucy took a slow breath knowing they had reached their final chance with the man. It was time for her to get out, to run and get away as far as she could from the ship. 

Yet, she couldn’t. 

It was her chance. 

Her one chance for how long?

“Kyrano,” She opened her private line again, “Get hold of Hiram, see if he can hack the system using your disruptor.”

“Lucy no,” Hugh responded before she could draw breath, “It’s not worth the risk, get the hell out of there.”

“Listen to Hugh Lucy,” Kyrano urged, “He’s started the countdown, you’ve got minutes--”

“No!” She snapped, cutting him off, “This is our one shot! We have to try, if we don’t we might never get this chance again.”

Jeff could be out there. For four years he could have been out there. They could have already been too late. He had launched with nothing, the chances of him surviving the take off were slim as it were, with each passing day they dropped more. 

Waiting longer could cost her her husband. 

“If you don’t I will!” She told them leaving no room for argument. 

Crouching she banged at the panelling below the console, warping it enough to be able to grip and pull it out. She was lucky it was the right panel, the one with the bomb behind, it’s digits counting down second by second. 

Shock froze her for a moment, stunned into stopping and taking stock of just where she was and what was happening.

“I have eyes on the bomb.”

“Bollocks.” Hugh hissed, “Kyrano, call Brains.”

“I-I am already h-h-here.” Hiram responded, “Mrs Tracy, can you s-s-send a scan of the d-d-device?”

She nodded, as she reached to her wrist to scan the item, “Sending it now.”

The numbers on the device weren’t reassuring her.

But she had to try. It could be Jeff’s only chance. 

It was potentially her only chance. 

“Y-y-ou need to at-t-tach the disruptor to the b-b-blue wire, from there I sh-should be able to cut off the countdown.”

She didn’t care how he did it, all she cared about was the numbers counting down to the destruction of the ship. 

She needed that ship. 

Even with it’s damned wrong-way-round cockpit. 

It was the only thing that could take her to the Oort cloud. 

“There isn’t time,” Hugh murmured, “Lucy get the hell out of there! You’re no good to any of us dead! Including Jeff.”

The comment caught her, winding her as she looked around the cockpit that Gaat had told her was all an illusion, one of his clever tricks. The ship wasn’t ready, it wouldn’t be for weeks yet. She didn’t even know if the T-drive would work in it, or if it were simply another nail for Gaat to drive in to her chest. 

Suddenly the comm was silent and there was one single voice in her ear.

“You took everything from me Lucille, and Jeff helped you. Let’s say that I am simply making us even.”

Her legs gave way as she fell from her crouch into a crumpled heap on the floor, something in her registered the scream of protest at the man she had never intended on hurting. 

“Jeff never did anything to you!” She sobbed, “He never--”

Gaat snorted, “No, you’re right. It was all your decision wasn’t it? Maybe this is all on you after all.”

The voice in her head was screaming at her in glee, reminding her that yes, she could have and should have done more. If she had tried harder she could have saved Jeff.

It suddenly felt impossible to catch her breath as she clutched at her helmet, and shook her head, trying to rid her mind of the thoughts as Gaat continued to utter blame in her direction. 

She needed space, and air. She wanted to save Jeff but she knew she would only ever fail at that objective. She needed to get out. She had to give up on the ship. 

Pulling her helmet off, she gasped in a single breath of unfiltered air that smelled of oil and paint. Around her the room flickered, the console and chairs blinking out of existence as the numbers on the bomb passed ten. 

“Lucy, Gaat has taken control of the bomb,” Hugh yelled down the comm, “Brains can’t stop it. Get out of there!”

Her helmet cracked sharply against the floor as she pushed herself to her feet and stumbled towards the hatch, half blinded by tears that had filled her eyes. She didn’t want to leave. It could be her only chance to find him. Hugh was right though, damn Hugh for always being right, if she died then she would never find Jeff.

Only when she got to the hatch did she look back to the room, the reality of just what it was sinking in as she took a shuddering breath. Gaat had tricked her. Taunted her into thinking that his ship was her only chance. 

She hoped the chip in her pocket meant otherwise. 

As her eyes passed over the helmet on the floor, her brain engaged, reminding her that she needed that helmet, she couldn’t leave without it. 

She tripped as she reached for it, knees hitting the steel floor as she gasped out. The helmet was in her reach though, close enough to grab and pull back onto her head.

“Lucy move!”

She didn’t have chance to reply as red digits vanished and the world went boom.

[biopsychs]

What I Learned From University (2nd Year)

See what I learned in first year here

Adjust how you study → I have a different study method for each class. Even if the content is similar to another class or you’ve had the prof before, you have to personalize your learning.

You can skip class sometimes → My introductory microbiology class was the worst class I’ve ever taken and I love microbiology. The prof sucked and I found I could just catch up on notes on the bus and have extra time to sleep in. I rarely skip class but I realized my time was much better spent working on other things. Only skip classes if catching up on notes is more efficient/a better use of your time than actually going to lectures. Also, don’t be afraid to take a day off (when you can) if your mental or physical health is suffering.

Group projects suck → I knew this already but nothing could have prepared me for what I had to deal with in my one semester long research methods class. I wish I had talked to my TA  or prof earlier to explain what was going on and how I could fix it. (Side note: Use Google docs for group projects!)

Mentoring programs are a great thing to be involved in → I got involved with a mentoring program for women in stem at my university and it has been such a valuable experience! I have access and connections to upper year students and women working in academia and industry who are there to provide help and guidance. My only regret is that I was too timid to ask for help at the start -- take advantage of the opportunities you have!

Get larger projects like reports and essays done as soon as you get them → My organic chemistry lab reports always took so long to write so I would delay working on them. However, I eventually got into a routine of finishing my lab report (or at least 95% of my report) on weekends (my labs were on Fridays) and it made my life so much easier! Just get it done and you won’t have the looming stress of a big project or report hanging over you.

Go to social events on and off campus → You can be social in so many different ways at university! Find something you’re comfortable with or go just outside your comfort zone. I went to a pizza party for psych majors and it was chill. I also went to a pubcrawl and it was so much fun. If you’re hesitant, drag a friend along the first time but make sure you talk to new people!

Apply for summer jobs early → Lots of good summer jobs for university students are posted early! I check my university’s job board and also look for jobs that are meant for students (where I live the government will provide funding for summer students to certain organizations). Make sure you send in your applications in as soon as possible too! Even if the deadline to apply is in two weeks, some places will get in touch with applicants (and could potentially hire someone) before that deadline. Find out if your uni has a career advising office (or something like that) and check it out, if you need help with resumes, cover letters, interviews, etc.

Leave your options open  → If you’re unsure about your major or career path, leave your options open as much as you can! Use the time you have now to explore what you really like. Last year I made the decision to do a double major in biology and psychology, because I wanted to go to med school but also wanted to leave the option of research (in bio or psych) open. Now, I’ve decided to major in psych and minor in bio, with the intent to pursue clinical psychology. I took classes and got research experience that helped me make an informed decision about what I really like and want to do.

Get involved in research and use your connections → Get research experience as early as possible. This will help you figure out if you actually want to pursue research or not, and will be so helpful with applications if you end in a position where you’re doing your own research! I have found it much easier to get involved with research by having connections (like talking to a prof, grad student, or upper year undergrad student who is already involved with a lab) rather than sending out cold emails to profs and hoping they’ll reply. If you are sending an email to a prof/lab you don’t have any connections to, make sure your personalize it -- mention any prior experience you have and why you’re interested in that lab specifically.

Check your email constantly → As a general rule, you can never check your email too much. Make an effort to reply to emails as soon as you get them, because otherwise you might forget about them. In general, reply to emails within 24 hours anyways.

Take a summer class → I took a summer class on the psychology of motivation and it was totally worth it. I knew I would have to take a summer class at one point and I knew I would prefer to do it earlier in my degree (taking a summer class in my last year does not sound like fun). It was refreshing to see how well I could do when one class was my only priority and I was able to learn/retain the content so much better. It was also nice that I was able to take an upper level course (my previous psych courses had been only 1st or 2nd year level) by itself so I could get used to the increased demands. One thing to note is that summer classes go by really quickly (in my case 3 lectures were equivalent to 3 weeks of classes) so make sure you’re keeping up with the material.

Find your optimal level of stress → One thing I learned in my motivation class is that we all have an optimal level of stress. Think of it as an inverted U shape, with performance on the y axis and stress on the x axis. The highest point, the top of the U, is your optimal level of stress, where stress is helping you perform to the best of your ability. If you move past that point (either less stress or more stress) your performance is going to decrease. If your stress levels are high and anxiety-causing your performance is going to suffer. I found my optimal level of stress when I was studying for my first motivation midterm -- I was cramming the night before but because I had no other pressing responsibilities (like 4 other classes) I was able to feel stressed without feeling panic or test anxiety also. Find your optimal level of stress and see how well you perform. Remember that feeling when your stress levels are rising so you have a baseline to get back to.

Don’t get stuck as “premed” → Being premed is completely okay but don’t close yourself off from other options. I know so many people who are premeds and are also biochemistry majors. Some of these people don’t even like biochemistry but stick with it because they think it will make their application look better. Please study something you’re actually interested in. Med school is a great option but just make sure you have a plan B (and a degree that is going to suit this plan B). I know someone who graduated with their biochemistry degree and regretted it -- by the end of their degree, their plan was no longer med school and they wished they had done a general biology degree, w classes they liked, while taking a few biochem classes they liked. I used to consider myself premed but I realized clinical psychology is a much better fit for what I actually like/am good at. Just make sure you want to be a doctor for the right reasons is all I’m saying.

Morning classes are actually kind of okay → Everyone talks about how bad morning classes are, but I actually prefer them. I have a hard time paying attention in later classes and it’s really nice to have all my classes done by mid-day. Just make sure you keep a regular sleep schedule (i.e. try to go to bed/ wake up at reasonably early times so your body can recover better on the nights where you get less sleep) 

Always come prepared → This applies for so many things. Bring a snack, don’t forget your charger, do your readings. You’re never going to regret being prepared but you may regret not being prepared.

Be ready to register for classes → Know your time and date to register for classes and be ready to click register right at that time! I always make multiple schedules b/c often the lab times or classes I want to take are full. If a class is full, make sure you know what to do. Register on the waitlist. If there isn’t a waitlist, find out who you need to talk to (usually the prof or department head). Check back a few times a week to see if spots open up in classes, because a lot of people change their schedule. Don’t wait to talk to an academic advisor if you’re not sure which classes to take or have any concerns.

Quizlet is a blessing  → Quizlet is an app/website that lets you make flashcards and view other people’s flashcard sets. Study flashcards while you’re waiting in line for coffee or on the bus. You may also be able to find flashcards from people who took the same class as you -- use those! If you make your own flashcards be a nice person and share them with your friends :)

A bad grade is not the end of the world → In one class I got 35% on my first midterm and never managed to get a midterm grade higher than 68%. I was absolutely destroyed when I saw that mark on my first midterm and was ready to give up. Please don’t give up! I talked to my prof and was able to have my other midterms weighted more and I used my lab reports to bring my mark up. If you show your profs you’re working hard they’ll do what they can to help you out. It’s really easy to feel like your hard work is not making a difference, especially if you’re continually not getting the results you want -- this doesn’t mean you should stop working hard, it just means you may have to study differently, review material daily, and ask for help! If you fail you need to remember that you will have to work harder -- you have to keep up with the new material and relearn the old material. I wasn’t overly happy when I saw my final grade in the aforementioned class but, when I compared it to my first midterm and my feelings of utter confusion, I was satisfied with my grade because it showed my progress and improvement (and I also used it to motivate me to never let it happen again).

Realize that everyone is at university for different reasons → Some people have big goals, some people are still figuring it out, and some people just want to get their degree as soon as possible. There’s nothing wrong with being any of the above, just don’t expect everyone to have the same goals as you.

Know the deadlines for dropping courses → Even if you don’t think you’ll be dropping or changing any courses, write the dates down in your planner. My friend waited a few days too long to drop a math class that turned out to be extremely difficult and, even though she passed it in the end, she was stressed out all semester and her performance in other classes suffered as a result.

You’ll always be meeting new people and making friends → I lived off campus first year and felt like I had missed my chance to make friends. I shouldn’t have worried so much. Second year was much better in that there were a lot more familiar faces in my classes and I got to know other people much better through smaller classes and labs! Other people are always happy to make friends so just take the first step by starting a conversation :)

You can’t give 100% all the time → Some of the best advice that I was given this year was that you can’t give 100% all the time. You only have so much time and energy (mental and physical) you can give. For some tasks, the outcome from 70% effort and 100% effort may not be too different. Figure out what tasks those are so that you have enough energy to give 100% when you really need it.

[aliceslantern]

Beyond This Existence, chapter 18

Summary:  After Xehanort's death, Demyx finds himself unexpectedly human in Radiant Garden. With nothing but fragments of his past and a cryptic statement from Xemnas, he's left to figure out who he is. When Ienzo asks for his help with a project, the two find common ground, but the trauma and secrets in both of their pasts could tear it apart. Zemyx (Demyx/Ienzo), post-KH3 canon compliant Read it on FF.net/on AO3

-----

The weeks wore on, one into the other. Coping with the mass amounts of chaos in his memory never became easier, but at least it was bearable now that he was no longer so alone. Demyx’s days took on a quiet sort of comfort. Studying, songwriting, socializing, and yes, therapy. Telling someone else these things was hard, but keeping it to himself was even harder. Similarly, listening to Ienzo’s own stories was no cakewalk. Their lives had been infinitely complicated and troubling.

With all this behind them, there was a start of a real sort of life, not the odd buffering phase of the previous few months. The castle was no longer so dreadfully uncomfortable, conversations between Demyx and the others no longer so stilted. He was starting to develop real friendships with these people. Oddly enough, Demyx found that aside from Ienzo, he was closest to Even. He’d taken an interest in healing theory as well, though more as a pet fascination than a vocation. Every now and again, Even gave him tests. It was his own way of reaching out.

“... How’d I do?” Demyx asked. He hadn’t had much written education of any kind, but at least the tests were something concrete to work toward. More structured than Aerith’s “give me a call when you finish the book” method of teaching.

“In all? Not bad.” Even passed the papers back. “Chemistry is your worst subject. But you knew that.”

“It’s the math.” Demyx skimmed the results and found that, overall, he’d done better than he’d thought. “I just can’t understand it.”

“Well--when it comes to calculating molarity--it’s typically just memorization of the base compounds.”

“And algebra.”

“For some reason I highly doubt you’ll have to deal much with kinesthetics in your everyday work. And if you do I’m a phone call away. I rather enjoy figuring it out.” He started shuffling through the sea of papers on his desk. “It gives me something to break the endless tedium of my days, anyway.”

“You’re not going to work on the Replica Program anymore?”

Even drew the hair out of his face. “On one hand, I believe that project has reached its peak. The replicas have gotten to a point where they’ve developed their own personhood, and their own hearts. That was the goal, to a degree. I’m of course going to study them as they age to see if they live out the same lives as ordinary humans. On the other…” He waved his wrist, as though dismissively. “What right have I to create new life? Now that I am becoming human, I feel more responsibility towards the way these replicas are treated. It’s as if I were to give birth. I suppose there might be a medical application to the creation of vessels--say, if someone were to be seriously injured or lose all neurological function--but again, what right have I to continue to meddle with such forces?”

“I can’t help you with that one,” Demyx said.

“No, it’s something for me to puzzle over. In the meantime, I’m going to continue to reflect on the ongoing intersection between magic and science within my life. It seems… most apt.”

“Why did you become a scientist?”

“Hm?” The question seemed to throw him off-guard.

“You’ve been with Ansem longer than anyone else. Why’d you do it?”

Even thought about it. “Why is it you play sitar?”

Demyx shrugged. “It’s just part of me. Always has been. If it hadn’t been sitar it probably would have been some other instrument. That one just happened to be given to me first.”

“Precisely. It’s part of your core, perhaps for no real reason. Or many real reasons, if you subscribe to fate or a divine. That is how I feel about my research. I could not separate the essence that is “me” from it. This is merely another phase of my life, and so I need to adjust my work accordingly.”

“To what?”

“Something that I hope is meaningful. I do not yet know what exactly.” He smiled. “Learning to change and grow after nearly twelve years of stagnation is taking most of my concentration.”

“It’s hard, isn’t it?” he mumbled, more to himself than Even.

“Incredibly.” He cleared his throat. “I’ll quiz you on the next three chapters next week.”

Demyx sighed. “No problem.”

----

Demyx was headlong into these chapters when Ienzo found him. With half his mind he was trying to figure out how to make the song he played better, the other half trying to puzzle out the complicated terminology. He wasn’t aware of his surroundings.

“How is it going?” Ienzo asked.

Demyx jumped, a discordant note throwing him off the melody.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

Demyx let Arpeggio disappear. “It helps me remember, if I play,” he said. “Otherwise I can’t focus. If I read a chapter enough while playing a certain song, it sticks. I tried it the other way.  I don’t know how you guys learn stuff.”

“Everyone studies differently,” Ienzo said. “So you’re really going to do it?”

“That’s the plan,” he said. “She told me to read these before I came to her for the practical stuff.” Demyx shifted the books around.

Ienzo kissed him lightly.

“So what’s going on with you? I figured you were working on something, but I don’t know what.”

“Well, actually, that’s kind of why I came to find you.”

“The score? Ienzo, you realize I can just read it to you, right?” He hadn’t yet looked back at it. In a way, he wasn’t ready, even though he knew what the contents were.

He shook his head. “Not that. Though I would like to know what’s in it, if you’re not afraid to share. No.” He took the lexicon out from under his arm. “I’m afraid there’s something only you can help me with.”

He smirked. “What was it you said? “If you want to be alone with me you need only ask?””

“What? Do I really speak like that? Never mind-- no, this is something else.” Ienzo sighed. His cheeks were pink. “I want to go to the basement.”

Demyx bit his lip. He’d had a feeling this was coming. Ienzo had been making leaps and bounds dealing with his guilt. No doubt he wanted to make true peace with it. “Okay. Two things. First, not a great idea, all things considering. Second, why me? Why not Ansem or Even or someone else who was involved in the experiments?”

“You’ve got a weapon.” Very matter-of-fact.

He felt the blood drain from his face.  “So--let me get this straight. You want to go to the basement--where it’s crawling with Heartless and god-knows-what-else, not to mention where you’ve seen enough horror to go gray prematurely--”

“I haven’t gone gray. This is my natural hair color.”

“Babe, the last time you remembered something half as horrible you went kinda ballistic. I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“I’ve healed since then,” he said. “I have this--” he held out the lexicon, “whatever it means. I think the only way I can find peace is by helping them. Talking with them. Maybe I can help them find some little bit of dignity.”

Demyx exhaled, exasperated. “And do you really trust me to defend you? I’m out of shape, and I have no idea how strong the Heartless down there even are.”

He frowned. “What is this really about?” Ienzo asked. “Are you truly afraid of a few Heartless?”

Demyx didn’t know what to say, just that his gut was telling him this was an awful idea. “I guess not,” he said. “I just… I’m afraid that going down there and seeing all that will change how I see you. And I don’t want that to happen.”

Ienzo took his hands.  “I know that. And it might change your mind. But I… I need to do this. I hope you understand.”

Demyx knew what had happened in the basement. Maybe he didn’t know all the details--the how or why of it all--but he knew Ienzo had been involved in this dangerous human experimentation. He knew, factually, that Ienzo couldn’t really be at fault, that he’d been a child and too young to accept responsibility, especially since he'd been so manipulated. But at the same time, Demyx knew seeing all of it would be a different story. It would make it tangible. And yet. “You’d do the same for me. Alright. Let’s free some ghosts, or whatever.”

Ienzo kissed him. “I love you.”

“I can’t say  no to you. But you knew that.” He marked the place in his book and set it aside. “I’d feel better if we got some supplies. And if you rested. You look exhausted.”

“So tomorrow?”

He nodded. “Tomorrow.”

----

Later that night, while Ienzo read in bed, Demyx headed down to Even’s quarters. Slick, hot anxiety was building inside of him, making him vaguely anxious. He knocked, was let in. Even was folding laundry. “Did you need help with something?” he asked. Then frowned. “You do not look well.”

Demyx didn’t know what to say. “Ienzo wants to go to the basement.”

He paused just the slightest. “Yes. And?”

“Well--what if something’s down there?”

“I thought you could adequately defend yourself now?”

“It’s not me I’m worried about.” He exhaled and pulled his hand through his hair. “He’s got the lexicon. What if he tries using his powers again?”

Even shook his head. “He’s aware of the risk. I doubt he’d try.”

“What if he doesn’t do it consciously?”

He raised an eyebrow. “I had the impression it took a lot of effort for him to traverse your memory.”

“But he couldn’t control it. I don’t know what this is going to entail. If I’m just going to beat up some Heartless, or maybe there’s nothing down there and this is just for closure. But what if.”

“Since when was forethought a strength of yours?” Even asked, almost bitterly. “Boy, now you’re making me worry.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know who else to ask.”

Even sighed. He set aside the socks he was folding. “Come along.”

They went down to his lab. Even pulled out a first aid kit, some ethers, and some potions. He approached another cabinet and took out a vial and a syringe still in its wrapping. He placed them on the table.

“You’re aware of the correlation at this point, of heart failure and overuse of power.”

“Well--yes.” The sight of the medicine made him shiver.

“I’ve been poking through our research. The reason why it struck Ienzo so intensely has largely to do with the fact that he quite literally grew up as a Nobody. Trying to adequately corroborate his humanity with a Nobody will served to heighten the risk. It may not happen again. Perhaps he’s adjusted. At the same time… it may.”

“What’s that?”

“A serum to induce sleep. Should he begin to exhibit the same symptoms, you should dose him. And then call for help. I’m giving this to you as a precaution only.” Even unwrapped the syringe, prepped it, and then capped it off. Demyx caught sight of the label on the bottle. He knew enough by now to recognize it.

“That’s a poison. Not a sedative.”

“Sleep akin to death,” Even said, as though quoting. “Better than actual death, is it not?” He held it out. Demyx didn’t take it.

“I can’t.”

“You must. This is--” He exhaled. “For goodness sakes, you might not even need it.” Even placed it on the table in front of him. “Have you tried convincing him out of it?”

“Yes. But how can we escape it? We live here. He’s reminded of it every day. If it’s not now, it’d be some other time.”

“The boy is… determined.” He sighed. “I’m trusting you with this. With him. Do you understand?”

Demyx nodded.

“So take it.”

He took all the medicine back with him, feeling sick. He hid the syringe in the first aid kit and tried to pretend it wasn’t there.

Ienzo was still caught up in his book. “Did you get everything you needed?” he asked.

“Oh, plenty,” he said breezily. “How do you feel?”

“Surprisingly, not as anxious as I thought.” He shut the book and settled down in bed.

“Can I… stay with you tonight?”

Ienzo frowned. “Of course.” He lifted the covers and let Demyx crawl in. He drew Ienzo close, breathed in his smell. “I’m not sure why you felt like you had to ask. You scarcely sleep in your own bed anymore.”

“Dunno. I figured you might want some time alone.”

“I have spent a lot of time thinking about this alone. I don’t mind the company.”

Demyx looked at him. His eyes bright and alive. He kissed him once. Ienzo settled down against him and was asleep before long.

Demyx did not sleep a wink.

----

Morning. Breakfast. He bathed, feeling vaguely numb and dissociated, slightly outside of himself. When he saw Ienzo in his apprentice’s coat, he almost wondered if this was a bizarre dream. He gathered up their bag of supplies.

“You sure you want to do this?” Demyx asked.

“Yes. I’m sure.”

He sighed. “Lead the way, then.”

He followed him through the corridors, through the familiar, then down dozens and dozens of stairs to a locked door. The air down here was cold, and it smelled dank and musty. Crystal sconces lit everything brightly, but at the same time he felt as though he was squinting in the gloom. At the door, Ienzo hesitated.

“Did you forget the code?” Demyx asked.

Ienzo summoned the lexicon. The soft rustle of its pages barely broke the suffocating silence. Demyx felt his heart in his throat. This was not a good sign. Ienzo meant business. Demyx tried to tell him then what might happen. But he had to know. There was no way he couldn't, right?

He punched in the code, and in they went.

It did not look dissimilar to the containment cells of the Castle that Never Was. Gray floor. Black and silver doors. Stark, harsh fluorescent light. A couple of these spaces were offices, and what looked to be a small lab. Papers were everywhere, all over the floors. Beakers had been smashed, a computer screen cracked. Ienzo took it all in with little emotion.

The smoky, musty smell only ever got stronger. “They smell us,” Demyx said. He brought an arm up in front of Ienzo automatically. He pushed it away.

“Not yet.”

They moved forward bit by bit. Ienzo absently touched the numbers on the cells, peeking inside here or there. Demyx didn’t see anything, but he could taste it. The cells were riddled with scratch marks, places where the floor had been gouged away. A sink bad been torn out of the wall. A mattress ripped to shreds.

“There’s no one here,” Demyx said.

“Don’t speak so soon,” Ienzo said.

A silhouette of pure darkness crawled out of the ground. It looked weirdly human in shape, more like a Novashadow than the little Shadows he was used to. It did not give chase, but seemed to merely watch them.

Darkness began to slither out of the back cells, forming yet more Shadows. “Freaky,” he hissed. The Keyblade snapped into his palm. One rose out of the pool and shuffled towards them. “Stay behind me.”

“Not yet,” Ienzo said. He crouched down, and Demyx almost screamed, but the darkness on the floor didn’t crawl over him like it normally would’ve. “Do you remember me?”

Was he talking to the Heartless? It paused, tilted its head.

“I was little then,” Ienzo said. “Not anymore.”

The Shadow twitched and shuddered. A few more peeked out. “What are you doing?” Demyx asked.

“Giving it the Sora treatment.” He exhaled. “Put that away. We’re not here to hurt you all. Isn’t that right?”

The blade in his hand trembled a little.

“Demyx?” Ienzo prompted.

He let it disappear. Raised his hands, as if to show how empty they were.

Ienzo smiled kindly at the Heartless. “You’ve been here for such a long time, so alone.” The lexicon opened to a random page, of a little girl. “Isn’t that right, Jamie? That’s you, right?” He held the book out to the Heartless. It seemed to stare at the page within, of the photo. “I wanted to apologize for all we put you through. There was a bad, bad man. He made all the people around him sick with evil. And they took it out on you. On me, too. And my friend next to me. That doesn’t make it right, but the bad man’s gone and everyone wants to help you.”

The Heartless seemed to convulse.

“I can’t imagine it’s fun down here. There’s nobody and nothing to play with. But there’s another place with lots of friends waiting for you.”

The Shadow raised a claw.

“Ienzo,” Demyx hissed. Ienzo held out his hand.

The Shadow placed its claw on the photo of the girl. It was not twitching anymore, not in the way Heartless usually did.

“Do it now,” he whispered. “She’s ready.”

He slashed. The Heartless had no defense; it was almost made of smoke. Its heart rose and vanished into nothing. Demyx was shaking. “Oh my god,” he said. “Are you… are you okay? I should’ve given you my coat.” He gave him a good once-over. No threads of darkness, no injury.

“I’m fine. Let’s keep going.”

“How many are there?”

“Left? I’m not sure. But these aren’t ordinary Heartless. This was the genesis.”

The Heartless, having seen all this, did not flee the way they were akin to when their brethren died. They came forward in a lump. They did not attack. They left plenty of space between them and Ienzo.

“They’re making a line,” Demyx said.

“They want to be free.” He smiled. His eyes were watering. “Who wants to know who they are?”

It took hours.

Ienzo gave nearly every Heartless the same speech, but he altered it slightly, peppering in details he must have read somewhere--information about a beloved pet, a favorite color, updates about loved ones who were still alive. Humanizing them. It was only once this semblance of humanity was found that they could go. Peacefully.

Even though the Heartless were weak, the fact that there was so many of them and that this was stressful to watch tired him. He waited for one to break rank, to attack and injure. None did, though.

“Are you alright?” Ienzo asked. Demyx had been standing to his right and noticed his full face for the first time in hours. He was sweating, his complexion washed out. Demyx swallowed. No.

“Just a bit out of shape,” he said breezily. “How are you feeling?”

“I feel fine.”

More speeches. More Heartless. Demyx was wondering if it was just his eyes playing tricks on him, or if Ienzo was looking worse. Pale. Shaky. No blood yet. But soon? The darkness was getting thinner and thinner until there were no more Heartless waiting.

“Is that it?” Demyx asked hoarsely. “I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”

“Yes, that was--” He calculated quickly, then furrowed his brows.  “Ninety-nine. There’s one left. Maybe it’s hiding? Can you handle one more?”

“I think. You?”

He nodded. When he stood, his knees shook, and Demyx helped him up. He was getting weak. They had to get out of here, to get medical help. Demyx tried to covertly steer him in the opposite direction. “Why did they forgive me?” Ienzo asked.

“What do you mean?”

“The bitterness… they just let it go. Without fail. There was not even one rogue Shadow that tried to attack.” His eyes were wide.

“They’ve been here ten years,” Demyx said. “That’s a long time to suffer. Sometimes you have to let it go to make the pain stop.”

He looked at his trembling palm. “I see. I… understand.”

Demyx glanced over his shoulder. “I think we’ve found our stowaway.”

It was the humanoid Heartless, the first one they’d seen. They approached it slowly.

“We’re here to help,” Demyx said. “Do you want to go be with your friends?”

The Heartless paused. It twitched irritably.

“Ienzo,” Demyx said nervously. “Maybe start working your magic, yeah? My buddy here seems a little agitated.” He was positive that it was stronger than the last. Strength sapped, Demyx didn’t know if he could honestly take it on.

A hint of panic crept into Ienzo’s voice. “I can’t--” He started manually shuffling the pages. “I can’t find their--”

The Neoshadow hissed. Demyx drew his Keyblade. “Come on. Let’s talk this out,” he said. “I’m offering you a get-out-of-jail free card here, friend.”

Once it lay eyes in the Keyblade, the Heartless screamed. The sound almost incapacitated him, harsh, like razors against his eardrums. It leapt at him.

Demyx found himself awash in darkness.

[malecsecretsanta]

Merry Christmas, @Parabitri!

This idea turned out to be far more angsty than anything I usually write but it insisted on being written. I love the way Magnus and Alec always find their way back to each other, no matter what universe you put them into.

This is their Hallmark-style Christmas Story - I hope you enjoy it!

Read on AO3

******

This Christmas

Chapter 1

I remember,

I wish I could forget

What you did last December

You left my heart a mess.

- Ariana Grande (& George Michael), Last Christmas

~ The Present: 22nd December 2018 ~

“Are you sure Alec won’t mind?” Magnus asked for what had to be the fourth time that morning as he followed Izzy inside the apartment she and Alec shared.

“When has Alec ever said no to you?” Izzy threw over her shoulder with a wink as she opened Alec’s bedroom door and sauntered in.

“Well, there was that whole morning after the Yule Ball fiasco,” Magnus muttered to himself, dragging his feet as he followed Izzy.

“Besides,” Izzy said as she flopped down on Alec’s bed apparently oblivious to Magnus’ dark comments, “You and I both know, Alec’s the only person who has an early enough edition of Gray’s Anatomy to feature the illustrations you need.”

“They’re too valuable for any libraries to stock before about the 18th edition,” Magnus agreed with a sigh as he approached Alec’s bookshelves brushing his fingers lightly over the soft leather spine, tracing the gilded letters which identified it as a hallowed second edition.

“You said you’ve tried every other option, Magnus, and your essay is due in tonight. It’s not like you can just call and ask him. Even if by some miracle he isn’t still in the remote mountain villages in Timor-Leste then he’ll be in transit. You know as well as I do that any time he gets funded flights it means he’s on a stopping all stations round the world tour of obscure airports. Even if you managed to get a message to him, there’s no guarantee he’d be able to get an answer back in time.”

“I know,” Magnus sighed easing the book gently out from between its neighbours and cradling it close to his chest. He wanted Alec home but he also half-dreaded the idea that the tension that had grown like a wedge between them might still be there. “Thank you, Isabelle. I guess I’d better go finish my essay. You’ll let me know if you hear from him?”

“Of course! Hopefully this time he’ll remember to let us know before he boards the last plane so we can meet him at the airport, I know Max is dying to use the latest sign he’s made.”

Magnus laughed, thinking of Max’s ever-expanding stack of ‘Welcome Home Alec’ signs. At this point, they’d need to bring everyone they knew in order to hold up even half of them.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

[Throughout human history there have been many iterations of the symbol which represents the human heart. The first non-medical European illustration of the heart is thought to be a drawing accompanying the medieval French poem Le Roman De La Poire circa 1255 however it was not until the early 1500s that the familiar shape made its appearance...

...but why does this symbol bear so little resemblance to the human anatomy it represents? There are plenty of theories, the most prominent one being that most of our ‘knowledge’ of human anatomy in the 13th and 14th centuries was based on animal biology, in particular reptiles, which much more closely resemble the familiar scalloped shape of the heart icon. The ability of early physicians to view or study the human body was fiercely regulated and controlled - with many unable to view a single dissection let alone partake in the kind of labs that are a standard part of modern medical tuition. As such, Henry Gray’s seminal work Gray’s Anatomy, first published in 1858, was a turning point in the depiction of the human heart…]

Magnus' fingers stilled on his keyboard as he glanced again at the book he’d brought back to his apartment almost four hours earlier. It was ridiculous but he still hadn’t opened it. The thing was, he hadn’t told Izzy the whole truth. Yes, this essay was for his History of Medicine subject and accounted for almost a third of his grade but it was also final piece of his application to join Médecins Sans Frontières’ new project, working in the new hospital Alec had spent the past year helping local engineers design and build. Alec would be going back for another whole year to support the development of sustainable water supply for the school and the rest of the village. Following your best friend halfway around the world was madness, especially when things had never been quite the same between them since last year’s Yule Ball.

~ Morning After the Yule Balle: 19th December 2017 ~

Magnus came to slowly, groaning as he peeled gritty eyes open just long enough to take in the couch and apartment around him before squeezing them shut again. It wasn’t the first time since becoming friends with the Lightwoods three years earlier that he’d woken up on their sofa but the blinding headache was new. So was the fact that he couldn’t for the life of him remember how he’d gotten back here. He barely remembered any of the Yule Ball. Burying his head further in the soft pillows Magnus vowed never to mix first-generation antihistamines and alcohol again.  

“Breakfast?”

Magnus’ eyes snapped open his lips curling at the corners as he took in the sight of Alec setting a breakfast tray on the coffee table beside him. The man really was an angel sometimes.

“I figured you’d need something to help wash down the aspirin,” Alec said, smiling back as he reached over and placed two pills on Magnus’ palm, following it with a glass of water.

“My hero,” Magnus said, downing the tablets and finally tearing his eyes from Alec and focusing on the food in front of him. “You made me blueberry pancakes, Alexander? That’s not exactly standard hangover fare. If you were anyone else I’d think you were trying to seduce me with your culinary skills.”

Magnus grinned at the way Alec’s cheeks heated at the suggestion and he became suddenly fascinated with his boots. Whatever the cause, Magnus wasn’t complaining - in fact, he almost moaned as he took that first blissful bite of pancake. Alec really would make an excellent husband to someone one of these days. Too bad there wasn’t any handy mistletoe or he might...Magnus’ thoughts ground to a sudden halt as he suddenly remembered kissing someone under the mistletoe last night at the ball. It hadn’t been a typical crappy holiday season hook-up either, it had been incredible. He found himself describing it to Alec as he ate: the way her lips had felt against his, passionate and wild yet somehow also tender as if she couldn’t decide whether she wanted to devour Magnus or worship him. The way her fingers had tightened in his hair, tugging roughly to adjust the angle of his head, deepening the kiss, only for those same clever fingers to send shivers of pure pleasure as they massaged away any last traces of pain. The worst part was, despite remembering every tiny detail of the kiss, he had no memory of the person who’d done the kissing.

“Please Alec, you were there last night you have to help me find her!” Magnus said, looking up beseechingly at his best friend only to realise something was wrong.

At some point during his monologue, the blushing, solicitous angel who’d made him breakfast had been replaced by a stone statue.

“You remember the kiss but don’t remember the-the-the person, at all?” Alec asked harshly his fists clenching at his sides.

Magnus flinched, feeling suddenly ashamed even though he didn’t know why it was such a big deal to Alec if Magnus’ memory had decided to defy logic. Before he’d had a chance to ask, Alec had turned away, his shoulders tense as he’d gathered up the remnants of Magnus’ now cold breakfast.

Tray in hand he’d barely looked at Magnus as he’d apologised, “I can’t do this, Magnus. I-I-I thought -” Alec sighed sounding frustrated but resigned. “I’ve got that application for Engineers Without Borders to finish.”

Magnus tried to get up and follow him into the kitchen but the world still spun horribly when he attempted to stand and he was forced to sit again so he didn’t fall down. The last thing he needed was for an already grumpy Alec to have to bandage his head when he split it open on the sharp corner of his coffee table. Impatiently, he waited for Alec to reappear, which took considerably longer than Magnus had expected.

When at least he came out he headed straight for the door his bag already slung over his shoulder giving every appearance of intending to leave without another word.

“Alec?” Magnus called out after him, wishing his head would stop pounding long enough for him to figure out whatever this was.

Alec turned, his hand resting on the door handle still refusing to meet Magnus’ eyes. “I have to go. Feel free to stay as long as you need.” And then he walked out, closing the door firmly behind him.

Magnus had waited, half expecting at any moment that his best friend would come back and tell him what exactly he’d said that upset him so much. After over an hour, Magnus had to accept the unwelcome fact that Alec wasn’t coming back. He wasn’t answering any of Magnus’ messages either. He knew he was being selfish, knew how important that application was to Alec even though the thought of them being on opposite sides of the globe sounded miserable to Magnus all of a sudden. It would be the first time in almost three years since Izzy and Magnus had met on their first day of med school that they’d have to go more than a few weeks without seeing one another. At present, barely a day went past that they didn’t speak, one way or another, whether it was IM, in person or notes passed via Izzy.

Despite Alec’s continued refusal to discuss anything about the Yule Ball, Magnus had kept looking - amazed to discover that despite there having been hundreds of people at the ball, somehow no one had seen Magnus spending time with any women other than Dot, Cat and Izzy and he was absolutely certain it hadn’t been any of them. He’d even tried to convince the photographer to go through their shots from last night only to discover to that the man was crazy enough to still be using film and hadn’t had time to get the negatives developed yet. Rolling his eyes at the pretentiousness of art students in general, Magnus had hunted on in vain.

~ The Present: 22nd December 2018 ~

Magnus sighed, running his fingers over the soft leather cover of Gray’s Anatomy. He could still remember the first time Alec had shown it to him. It had been a gift from his grandfather on his mother’s side, the same one that was responsible for Alec’s middle name being ‘Gideon’. He’d apparently been convinced, despite Alec’s complete lack of interest in medicine, that book that had been in their family for generations would inspire Alec to become the next doctor in the family. The meticulous technical drawings the book was famous had inspired him just not to follow in his grandfather’s footsteps. He’d taken his love of the book’s illustrations and developed a fascination for cartography, drafting and surveying, finally settling on a career in engineering. Izzy had told Magnus that Alec had offered her the book when she’d first set her heart on doing medicine but she’d knew she’d never love it the way Alec did. She wanted the modern textbooks, the ones filled with gory colour photographs of real bodies, not the elegant etchings done over a hundred and fifty years earlier.

Magnus, by contrast, had happily indulged Alec’s passion and they’d spent hours pouring through the book together over the years every time Magnus had happened to need to reference one or other of the illustrations as he learnt about the body’s various structures and systems. As much as he’d adored it when Alec bought him a modern copy of Gray’s Anatomy for his birthday he always defaulted back to Alec’s copy with its incredible single-colour woodcut illustrations whenever he could. The text might mostly have become redundant has as medical knowledge changed fundamentally and rapidly over the past century but the illustrations were as important now as they’d ever been.  

He missed Alec. Magnus hadn’t realised how much he’d relied on his presence until his absence left a gaping hole in his life. It’s been almost a year and Alec is still the first person he wants to tell whenever anything happens. He might finally have stopped getting his phone out and staring out compose texts he can’t send but it still aches everytime he remembers Alec’s sat-phone is for emergencies only. Going from talking every day to exchanging infrequent emails had felt worse than some of his breakups. Then again, for the last few years, he’s always had Alec there helping him pick up the pieces whenever a relationship inevitably failed. He’d always scoffed at the adage ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ but it’s been 355 days since Alec left and he’s sitting at his desk hours before an important assignment is due incapable of completing it because he doesn’t want to open a book that would remind him too much of the man he wants, more than anything else, this Christmas. Too bad he felt certain Alec didn’t feel the same way about him.

Sighing, Magnus opened the cover and scanned the index of illustrations for the one he was looking for. There, under the heading ‘Heart’, the illustration he’d looked everywhere for: ‘Circulation of Blood in an Adult’ directing him to page six hundred and twenty-nine. Picking up the tome Magnus started at the middle and skimmed gently through the pages, slowing when he finally reached the six-hundreds to turn each individual page so as not to miss it. Magnus nearly dropped the book in surprise when he turned the final page and a colour photograph slides out onto the desk.

A single glance is enough to make him forget Gray’s Anatomy, forget the essay he has only hours left to finish and the application he needs to ace. On the desk in front of him is a photograph from last year’s Yule Ball. A photo of him and Alec wrapped tightly in one another’s arms, kissing under the mistletoe.

Chapter 2

I confess,

I loved you more than I let on but you weren’t ready for it and I wasn’t going to pour myself into hands that couldn’t hold me

- Lauren Eden, Of Yesteryear

~ The Present: 22nd December 2018 ~

Having seen the photo, Magnus wonders how he could possibly have forgotten. He’s spent an entire year comparing every kiss he shared to this one, like Prince Charming with his stupid glass slipper, finding them woefully disappointing by contrast. The thing was, with the exception of giants like Alec, he was tall so it hadn’t occurred to him why the angle always felt off - no matter what he tried. God, he was such an idiot! How could he have ignored what was right in front of him all this time? And why hadn’t Alec said something? But as soon as that thought occurred to him, he knew exactly why.

Who in their right mind would confess when the object of their affection not only didn’t remember them but had also somehow misgendered them in the process. Magnus felt physically ill as their conversation the next morning replayed in his head with full 5.1 surround sound, complete with high definition technicolour images of Alec’s transformation from breakfast baring angel to the stony-faced statue he’d been by the time he left the apartment. The fact Alec had hidden the photo here, in his most treasured book under the heading ‘Heart’ made the tears that had welled up unnoticed spill out over his cheeks.

With shaking fingers Magnus picked the photo up off the desk, the knife in his heart twisting as he realised they were both smiling as they kissed. Steeling himself, he flipped the photo drawing in a sharp breath as he saw the inscription in Alec’s familiar all-caps handwriting and in smaller text printed directly onto the photo, the photographer's details.

‘A NIGHT TO REMEMBER’ MAGNUS BANE & ALEC LIGHTWOOD YULE BALL 18TH DEC 2017

PHOTOGRAPHER: J. GHAMSARI  - EDITION: 1/1 - PRINTED: 24TH DEC 2017

He’d thought nothing could make this situation worse, but one glance at the date the photo had been printed made Magnus want the ground to open beneath his feet to transport him straight to hell. Alec had tried to tell him and Magnus had unintentionally broken his heart a second time instead. By the time Magnus had realised his mistake, Alec had already left the country.

~ December 24th, 2017 ~

Magnus groaned when he heard the doorbell, it would probably be carollers but as the only person home the night before Christmas Magnus had promised his housemates he wouldn’t let any last minute parcels go unsigned for. Snatching his shirt up from where it lay discarded beside the sofa and buttoning it haphazardly Magnus made his way down the long passage to the front door, stunned to see it was Alec standing on the sill, a thick manilla envelope clasped in one hand.

“Alec, what are you doing here? I thought you would have gone back home for what’s left of the holidays,” Magnus said noticing the way Alec’s eyes lingered on his exposed chest a beat longer than they usually would before darting away.

“It’s - uh, it’s about last week,” Alec paused, threading his fingers roughly through his hair in that familiar tell of mental agitation. “Look, you’ve got every reason to be mad at me. The next morning, after the Yule Ball - I know I should have-”

“Allowed me to drag you halfway ‘round NYU on a wild goose chase when neither of us had any idea who we were looking for?” Magnus interrupted smoothly, laughing softly. “I should never have asked, Alec, I know how important getting that internship application in was to you. Besides, it doesn’t matter now anyway.”

“It doesn’t?” Alec asked roughly, his gaze piercing as he froze in place.

“Surely you know me better than to think I’d let it rest until I found out, Alexander?”

“You - you’ve remembered?” Alec asked, looking suddenly paler.

“Not exactly. But Camille - you remember her from the presentation night for the Medical Prize, don’t you? She found out I was looking for her and admitted she’d been my mysterious stranger all along. Apparently, my crush wasn’t so unrequited after all. So you see, it’s all worked out. She’s coming around later tonight if you wanted to stay and meet her?”

“No.”

Magnus’ head snapped back, surprised by the vehemence in that single word but before he had a chance to do more than raise an eyebrow, Alec had continued.

“I mean, I’d be interrupting your evening plans. I should let you -” Alec paused again, his teeth sinking into his lip almost hard enough to draw blood. “I have to go. Merry Christmas, Magnus.”

“Wait, Alec!” Magnus called out, hating this sudden chill between them as Alec turned away. “Surely you didn’t just come here to apologise. You should stay, have a drink with me. It is Christmas after all.”

“I can’t. I’m sorry.”

“Well, can you at least tell me when we’re catching up next?” Magnus asked, suddenly feeling the need to make sure he hadn’t somehow irrevocably ruined the friendship without even realising it. “I know you had planned to spend Christmas and New Year's Eve with your family but seeing as you’re still here...”

“Actually, I, um. I got offered the internship with Engineers Without Borders,” Alec muttered, shifting his feet.

“Alexander! That’s fantastic, now you have to come in and have a drink with me, tell me all about it. Where they’re sending you, for how long - I want to know everything!” Instinctive Magnus reached out, tugging on the arm of Alec’s long black coat. It hurt when instead of smiling Alec pulled away.

“I fly out January 1st. I’ll be gone all year. It’s - I’ll be living in one of the mountain villages in Timor-Leste, they’ve got a new project to build a hospital there and if things go well, I can stay to work on securing the town’s water supply the year after. They said they’d try and get me back in time for next Christmas. So I - um - I have to go. You know, packing and everything.”

Every other time Alec’s said anything about the project his passion had been radiant, which meant these clipped sentences and flat tone had to be Magnus’ fault. Magnus cursed the Yule Ball, cursed the fact he couldn’t even abandon his plans with Camille because he hadn’t thought to get her number. Cursed the fact he was meant to be going away with Cat and Ragnor to have New Year's Eve at Cat’s family’s Chalet. So this was it? Alec was leaving the country in a few days for an entire year and Magnus wouldn’t get to see him again till next Christmas?

“At least let me take you out to the airport, Alec,” Magnus said, throwing caution to the wind and jettisoning his New Year's plans.

“But-” Alec began, displaying that adorable furrowed brow of his.

“Nothing is more important than seeing my best friend off on the trip of a lifetime,” Magnus assured him. “I’ll be at that airport whether you let me drive you or not. I’m not below blackmailing Izzy into telling me so you may as well just accept it.”

Alec’s rueful smile was like sunshine, the man he recognised peeking out from behind the rigid facade he was putting up.

“You really want to get up at six in the morning just to see me off at the gate?” Alec asked, raising a challenging eyebrow.

“I’ll be on your doorstep at five,” Magnus shot back, his lips automatically curling to match Alec’s.

“If you’re late I’m leaving without you,” Alec threatened sliding back into their familiar banter without even seeming to realise he was doing it.

“Okay.”

“Okay. You’re on.” Alec nodded, holding Magnus’ gaze before saying softly, “Merry Christmas, Magnus.”

“Merry Christmas, Alexander.”

~ The Present: 22nd December 2018 ~

Magnus needed a drink.

His crush on Camille had been madness and she’d played him for the fool he was. She’d strung him along for almost 3 weeks after ‘confessing’ to being his mysterious mistletoe kiss. She’d made a game out of kissing him everywhere except his lips, correctly assuming that he’d realise the minute their lips met that something was off. He’d been so caught up in wanting it to be her, wanting to believe that she felt the way he did about her. But even she’d tired of that game eventually, laughing at his naivety when she’d finally revealed she hadn’t even noticed him at the Yule Ball, she’d just thought it would be fun to see how long she could string him along because surely the top medical student couldn’t be that stupid? Well, apparently he was. He’d spilled the whole humiliating affair out in one of his emails to Alec. It makes perfect sense now that Alec had barely referenced the whole mess when he’d finally replied over a week later. Then again, it wasn’t like Alec had super reliable internet at the best of times, so it could also be that Magnus was projecting.

Getting up, Magnus paced over to the drinks cart, skipping his usual ice and pouring whiskey liberally into the waiting tumbler. Tossing it back in a single swallow Magnus tried to figure out what to do. It’s been a whole year since that photograph had been taken, it’d hardly be surprising if the intervening time had been enough to thoroughly destroy whatever feelings Alec might once have had for him. Did he really want to risk destroying their friendship a second time?

Yes.

The answer was immediate. He was in love with Alexander Lightwood and he had to know if there was any chance to make this work. Hell, he’d been prepared to follow the man to the other side of the world without the tiniest shred of real evidence to justify his hopes, now at least he knew it was possible. There had been real passion in that kiss and tenderness in the breakfast he’d made for him the next morning. He just hoped Alec was willing to give him a chance to show just how much he wanted that future.

To Be Continued

[doodledialogue]

Interview series - What after B.Arch? #16

Interviewee: Ar. Valentin Gheorghian Post-graduation: Masters in Architecture | Gheorghe Asachi Technical University of Iași, Romania

What prompted you to take up Architecture?  I wanted to become an Architect ever since we had a school assignment in 4th grade at a subject called “technology” when we had to draw our “ideal house” for us and our family. I loved that assignment so much, took a long time to do it properly, and with excellent results – that then and there I decided this is what I would like to do for a living and started to buy architecture magazines/ magazines with houses.

Tell us about studying Master of Architecture at TUIASI. In Romania architecture studies comprise of 6 years and result in gaining both degrees: Bachelor’s and Master’s. One cannot do just the first one – the first one is meaningless. You are not considered a graduate before you finish year 6, pass all your exams and pass the Graduation/ Degree project (final project, 6 month long).

After graduating Year 4, you continue with Year 5 – which is – in theory – already “Master” level – but nothing changes – it’s a continuous 6 year study cycle, no interruptions, same school, same teachers, same colleagues – only different subjects (more advanced), more projects and more complex projects.

Tell us about the application process. There is no “application process” in the way it’s understood in the UK – one has to pass a gruelling admission exam at one of only 6 universities in the country that have Architecture departments. For that 5-6 hour exam, students train – via private tutoring – for at least a year – because the examination requires excellent hand drafting skills, technical drafting skills and advance descriptive geometry – none of which is being taught in high-schools; in that lies the need to take on private tutoring. 

One should start with the application process for 2 years in advance.

What preparation did you do before starting the program? There were 10 days of intensive drawing courses – both technical and hand drafting – organised by the university just before the admission’s exam. These were good and useful for someone who already knew what they were doing – but pointless for someone who didn’t have a clue. Students take a minimum of 1 year of difficult private tutoring (with a lot of homework) to get to the drawing (both technical and freehand) skill level required to pass the admission examination.

In terms of pre-reading for the program– I’ve always enjoyed reading about architecture and buildings – but especially about historical buildings/ cities and the history of architecture.

Did you speak to any alumni/professors of the program? I hadn’t met any architecture students or young architects before joining the program – and it would have been extremely useful to gain some insights and tips & tricks and the subtleties of the university. Had only met old architects/ teachers – the ones with whom I did private tutoring to prepare for my admission exam.

Did you have to give any entrance tests? How did you plan for them? The 6 years integrated study program has a 5/6h entry examination testing freehand drawing, technical drawing and mathematical/ geometry skills. One trains in private for at least 1 year for these.

How long was your program? 6 years – October 1st 2007 – October 2013. There is no flexibility regarding fall/spring semesters.

Did you have post-study plans in mind when you took it up?  Just went with the flow. Now, however, I am planning to do a PhD in a related field and go into teaching at an Architecture University - because I am astonished about the low wages in the Architecture field - as opposed to other skilled careers - and I would do this as a way to supplement my income. I love teaching as well and I think it would be an excellent for for me - but the main reason is the financial one.

Did you have to apply for a visa? Non-applicable – neither in my home country of Romania (where the bulk of the program took place) – nor during the time spent abroad – which was all spent inside the EU – thus not requiring visa.

How was the experience at the school? Very difficult yet very rewarding at the same time. Longer hours, more courses, more seminars, more projects and more time spent on projects – than any other university that I know of. Less time for socializing and leisure activities than any other students. Longer academic year: from the 1st of October – start of the academic year – until mid-July (end of “practical training” week/ weeks)

How was the teaching and learning environment at your school? Every class (year of study) had their own classroom - 6 years of study – 6 classrooms. There were roughly 50 people per year of study/ class – but never would everyone show up (except perhaps some exams) – so everyone could fit in. Apart from these 6 classrooms – there were 2 multi-function rooms/ projection rooms, amphitheatre type (although not sloped) for projections and special presentations, and an IT lab with computers. That’s it – those were all the available spaces (small school, intimate, student-oriented). 

Classical style of teaching – you go in class – just like during high-school – and the teacher teaches for 2h their subject – with either a 10min break between classes, or a small 5min cigarette break mid-way. Most difficult or practical subjects also had “seminars” same duration, same location – during which we would do exercises and problem solving

The frequency of the classes depended on the year of study. The busiest teaching schedule was in year 1 – and decreased progressively towards year 6 – when there are no taught classes at all (only non-supervised individual work on the final project, “degree project” and on the Dissertation – at the same time). Year 1: 6-8hours of classes per day, every day. Year 5: about 3-4hours per day. Year 6: 0. The decrease in number of taught hours was compensated by an increase in number of projects (like “homework”): in year 1 students only had to work on projects in the main school subject, “architectural design” (counting for half of all study credits). This grew up to year 5 – when there were projects to be worked on at home for at least 10 school subjects, such as: urban planning, interior design, special structures, construction materials, and so on.

There was no time for other things – not even a shade of social life. Architecture life occupies ALL your time, at least during uni.

Tell us more about the mentors. One would meet mentors/ teachers/ assistants whenever one could find them around the school or in their office – in years 1-5. There was no formality in the method used to meet with them, no “appointments”, nothing like that. In year 6 – final year – it would be even easier – one would have personal contacts for one’s degree/ final project mentor, as well as a few others with whom one would have a close collaboration for their final project – such as a structural engineer/ structures professor. These meetings would either take place somewhere in the university – or at that teacher’s private practice – most if not all of them also had their private practices and would be project architects on their own. Despite this ease in meeting and approaching – there was and is a much higher degree of formality in addressing/ interacting with teachers – as compared to the

UK or the west. One would NEVER address a teacher/ tutor/ assistant by their first name, for example; that would be a sign of huge disrespect. 

Did your institute have any support system for international students? Any incoming international students would come through the Erasmus program, and would stay for half a year, usually in years 3 or 4. There were very few of these – maybe 2-3 per academic year – due to the fact that Romanian architecture and architecture education is completely unknown internationally.

As a general rule – these internationals would live like princes – would enjoy a much easier life than locals/ regulars. The teachers were way more lenient towards them – on one hand – so they would get high marks regardless of their academic performance, and on the other hand – they always had money. Erasmus scholarships barely cover half of one’s living costs in a country such as France (where I had studied as an Erasmus student) – but are way more than needed in a cheap country such as Romania – so sweet life!

Were you involved in research projects while studying? I was involved in all research projects, volunteering activities, publications, work camps and anything related to the subject, both internally and abroad – as visible from my CV. Those abroad were taking place in either English or French. I’ve never seen/met any students from the UK taking part in any of these – thus gaining the impression that UK students are very inward-looking – as opposed to EU students who are very open-minded and open and international and love foreign exchange programs and so on. 

Tell us about your time abroad? My 6 month Erasmus program was spent in ENSAP [École Nationale Supérieure d'Architecture et de Paysage] Lille, France - and I lived on campus through the duration of the exchange.

It was a brutally difficult program - not because of the academic level, which wasn’t any higher than back in Romania - but because of the density of classes, amount of project work outside of hours spent in uni, and the (lack of) dedication of my teammates (all projects were done in teams). I regret not having more fun and a social life during my Eramsus - such as most of my friends had - those who went to different countries and destinations - but there was nothing I could do about it.

Could you tell us in brief what your thesis/dissertation/final project was about? My thesis/ dissertation was about gentrification and urban regeneration – with case studies of several post-industrial global cities: Paris, Brussels, Sao Paulo, Shanghai and Detroit; contemporary urban challenges – in very different political/ social/ economical contexts. Differences, similarities, solutions. My final project was an Immigrants Integration Centre in central Paris – combining urban regeneration of a brownfield (urban planning part) with architectural design of 9 individual buildings – a small “city within a city” 

The dialogue with my supervisor went smooth and on friendly terms – one chooses their supervisor based on one’s previous grades – and as I finished years 1-5 3rd in my generation (3rd highest score) I could obviously choose whichever tutor I wanted – and chose the one that I had the best relationship with.

What were the frequency, duration and structure of the meetings with supervisor? 

All of this was flexible and down to our own (me and the tutor’s) preferences, schedules and available times. Usually we would meet either in my tutor’s practice or at university, for a couple of hours, every 2 weeks or so, and go through the work. Sometimes I would send the latest over email the day before – just to give them the chance to take a look and make some notes – but this wasn’t always possible.

What challenges did you encounter?

The scale of my project and complexity and limited time. I practically managed to finish a volume of work 5 times greater than most of my peers. Practically in 6 months’ time, I did my urban planning dissertation project (a 65-page theoretical analysis, on the subject mentioned above), the urban design of my site, and the full architectural design of 9 large buildings, plus the presentations and graphics of all the aforementioned.

How did you manage the finances? There is NO tuition fee – Education is completely free in Romania – for all levels all the way up to PhD. One only needs to cover for living expenses. My parents covered my living expenses – which – in Iasi, Romania – amounted to less than 200GBP/ month. For example: monthly rent in student dorm: about 50 GBP- all expenses included (heating, electricity, broadband, and so on); local transport card – unlimited travel – 1 month – about 5GBP (yes, five, I am not missing a zero or two J). Some people worked part time/ full time to cover for some/ all of their living expenses. Given the fact that school work required at least 70 hours per week (total - both “home” and “in class”) meant that those who worked were not very good students, and usually missed/ skipped class.

Did you volunteer/work part-time job/intern while studying?

I did only a short stint just before year 6 in a small architectural practice in a small city. It is compulsory to work for 3 months in a supervised way in a practice – and submit reports of what exactly you have been doing there – to be accepted to begin your final/ graduation project and dissertation. I got the job through an older friend’s recommendation – she had already been working there.

How did you choose your accommodation? 

I chose a student residence on the university campus. In year 1 nobody is allowed to choose – one is simply allocated a place in a student residence in the campus – if one doesn’t wish to live elsewhere (rent out) – but after graduating year 1 – places are given based on the student’s past performance and grades – and one is allowed to choose. Based on my marks – I always finished among the top 5 people from my class – I always chose what I wanted….though there wasn’t much difference between residences. The ”commute” was a 20min walk – from campus to the Architecture School (all classes and exams took place in the same building – the architecture school building – up to year 5; in years 5 and 6 one might have to do some assignments in a few other buildings – all actually closer than the architecture building)

I considered several factors such as campus student life, proximity and contact with colleagues, proximity to the university, proximity to the shopping mall (there was 1 shopping mall in the city – right there next to campus), social contacts, costs – much lower than renting out while choosing my accommodation. 

Did you travel while studying? I had never visited another country before university. By the end of university, I had travelled to over 20 European countries, mostly for studying their culture, architecture and history. Did a 6 month long Erasmus exchange program in France (at ENSAP Lille), an international volunteer restoration work camp in St. Tropez (France) as well as summer universities and specialization courses every summer during my studies – such as at the Bauhaus Architecture school in Dessau, Germany.

How do you think the Master’s degree helped you? By allowing me to be a registered Architect in the UK, EU and RO. Without it I could have only worked as a “draftsperson”

Did the city you studied in play a major role during your study? Yes it did – Iași is a great city to study in – perfect size for a university city (a third of the city is student-population), cheap, interesting, cultural, laid-back: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ia%C8%99i

Could you tell us about your current work and future plans? I’m working as an Architect and BIM specialist in central London. Depending on the economic prospects in Britain after Brexit – I might move back to France. It was a gamble moving here – having to choose between Paris and London – between the Euro and the Pound Stirling – and the balance tipped in favour of the UK because the GBP was a more valuable currency at the time. Right after the Brexit vote, the Pound dropped by 20% in value – on international markets. What can I say? Very bad timing…my reasons for being here (and not elsewhere) keep disappearing.

Looking back was there anything you would have done differently? I really wish I had worked less and had more fun. I could have had a similar result by working smarter but less – and having more fun. I’d always been afraid to not be a workaholic and go above and beyond. Too bad.

What message would you like to give those planning their post-graduate studies? Think about actual job prospects and the career you want to pursue – and study the market; plan accordingly. Work smart, don’t work more! Have fun – in a smart way – these years are never coming back! Social interaction will never be as easy and with so many opportunities ever again – take full advantage of this! It’s all downhill after graduation – in terms of social life ☺ Seriously, no kidding…

Presenting our team's project at EBEC [European Best Engineering Competition] Romania & Republic of Moldova - National Stage

Presenting our team's project - and winning first place - at SUC 12 [Summer University Carinthia] - Villach, Austria

Architect's chat at Bauhaus Summer University, Dessau, Germany

Presenting a school project in front of the Dean of Harvard Universty - Graduate School of Architecture and Design

Specialization course in Kosice, Slovakia - international team

Year 1 - working in the studio - hand drafting

Year 1 or 2: working in the university student dorm

With colleagues from uni

Exploring Luxembourg's contemporary architecture - European Quarter

Study trip in Venice for the Architecture Biennale

[prophetandprincess]

X X X X X X X

Hello All! I am still coming to terms that Endgame is out, I saw it, and I survived to tell the tale with only minimal tears! I think it was a satisfying ending to the journey that we started way back in the day. Now, let’s head back in time to see what Alex is up to before even Age of Ultron happened

“Where’s the fire, Parker?” Alex called as Peter all but ran out of their lab section on Friday. She had to dodge other students, calling out apologies as Peter seemed to have no problem moving through the crowd. He was pretty thin, but it seemed a little odd that he was so good at bobbing and weaving.

Peter pretended that he hadn’t heard Alex, even though she knew that he had from how he hunched his shoulders even lower. He got to the stairwell first, but with a burst of speed, Alex was able to grab onto his arm. Peter successfully wiggled out of her grasp, but his backpack was not so lucky. Papers, pens, a calculator, and gadgets that Alex had no idea what their use was went skittering all over the stairwell. There was a collective groan from the other students, and some jeers, as people moved around the carnage.

“You’re like a one woman wrecking ball, aren’t you?” Peter sighed as he started to gather up the gadgets before they were trodden on by the caffeine filled zombies of the student body.

“Well, if you would have stopped to talk to me, this wouldn’t have happened,” Alex hissed as she gathered up the papers while attempting not to drop any of her own things. “I said we were going to have a conversation and now you’re acting like I’m a leaper.”

“I’m busy,” Peter grabbed everything, leaving some pens to their fate, and shoved everything into his bag.

“Make time,” Alex snapped as she shoved the papers into his chest. She was about to continue her rant, but the top piece of paper caught her eye. It was an application that held the crest of Imperial College of London for a foreign exchange program.  

“Harper, I get it, we need to talk, but there is something happening right now that I need to get to. Do you get me?” Peter gave her a meaningful look as he shoved the papers into his bag.

“Are you going to England?” Alex countered, not really paying attention to the look or what he was trying to tell her.

“Alex, please…” Peter gave a huff as he ran his fingers through his hair. “How about this, come to dinner at my house tomorrow. You’ll get free food, we can work on the project, and you can ask your questions, okay? I’ve gotta go.”

“Alright, alright, fine,” Alex was a little confused by everything. “Text me the address later.”

Peter gave her a small smile before dashing down the rest of the steps and disappearing outside. Alex moved at a much slower pace, wondering why Peter would be looking to go to London, especially knowing what he did at night. She also didn’t understand why she felt so upset about it, only a week ago, she thought he was a stalker. It kept nagging at her, even during her time at Stark Tower, and it was creative enough to work its way into her nightmares.

Saturday was a grey morning as Alex got up to start getting ready for her first day working on the extra credit assignment. Professor Warren had stated that a driver would pick her up promptly at eight and Alex had hit snooze three times, but she still took time to check twitter. After the normal memes and conversations about celebrities that Alex really didn’t care about, there was a news story about a scientist’s apartment that was completely ransacked the previous afternoon. Spiderman had been seen around the building, but it was unclear if he had been the one who when into the place.

“Well, that is something to ask him about,” Alex sighed as she continued her preparations. Hadn’t Jake mentioned something about a scientist being attacked when she talked to him at some point? It could be a coincidence, but it seemed rather…concerning.

Alex’s phone started to ring, making her jump. The fear turned to confusion when she saw it was the front desk number.

“Johnathan, is there a problem?” Alex asked as she finished dressing.

“There is a…man sitting out front in an SUV that said he was waiting for you. Should I call the cops?” Johnathan, who was new on the weekends, asked.

“No, someone was supposed to send a driver for me, I’m guessing that’s him.” Alex said slowly, wondering what this guy looked like to make the doorman so concerned.  

Alex saw exactly why Jonathan was concerned when she got down to the lobby. The man standing outside the SUV was large, stone faced, and looked as if his nose had been broken at least three times. He just nodded his head as he opened the door for her, never speaking a word, and then he started to drive her toward the Ravencroft Institute. Alex wondered what the hell she had gotten herself into as a couple rain drops splashed onto the windshield.  

“Oh this can’t be right,” Alex looked through the windshield between the wiper blades at the large stone structure that loomed up in front of the car. It reminded her of a medieval castle that had been turned into a prison at some point. She wasn’t exactly sure what she had been expecting, but this was far more foreboding.  

“Ravencroft Institute, state your business,” the guard at the outer fence asked, hand on the gun at his hip, when the driver rolled down the window.

“Alexandra Jade Harper, student assistant to Dr. Miles Warren.” The driver’s voice was deep and gravelly, which Alex realized she should have expected. Of course the man who looked as if he used to work for the mob had a six pack a day voice. Maybe he was a mobster at night and this was just his day job. Who was she to judge?

“She’s on the list. Drive through, she can pick up her badge and sign the papers at the front desk.” The guard didn’t even look into the back seat before taking a step back and tapping his ear. “Open the outer gates for a visitor.”  

Soon the car stopped in front of a large stone arch, the doors obscured by the gloom of the surrounding stone and the dark clouds that were releasing a light drizzle onto the asphalt. Alex’s mind suddenly went to the line from Dante “Abandon hope all ye who enter here”, not exactly what you wanted to think about when entering a psychiatric facility, especially one that housed criminals.  

“I will wait out here for you.” The driver unlocked the doors before slipping on his sunglasses, even though it was raining, and folded his arms over his chest.

Alex waited for a second, attempting to collect herself, but staring at the darkened doorway wasn’t making her feel any more excited about her decision about taking this extra credit assignment. Finally, Alex sent out a quick text to Peter, stating that if he didn’t hear from her by the time for dinner, to send out the National Guard, and got out of the SUV. As she approached the door, Alex realized that sending a vague text like that to a vigilante might not be the best idea, but she was hoping that he was so busy or sleeping and he wouldn’t see it until she was done with the interview and sample collection.

There was a little comfort in the satisfying click of her heels as she approached the front desk, smoothing out her skirt in the hopes of calming her nerves. She had no idea what the dress code was for interviewing someone who was deemed criminally insane, so she went with professional. Red sweater, black pencil skirt, panty hose even, and black pumps. Her hair was down to hide her earrings, but she still didn’t feel all that confident or professional.

The interior of Ravencroft Institute wasn’t any more inviting than the outside. The floors were concrete, the walls were gray, and the ceilings were just a latticework of exposed pipes. Alex had been in prison before, and this had the same feel with industrial touches. The front desk was located behind bullet proof glass, and neither of the guards even attempted to give a smile as Alex approached the opening.  

“Hello, I’m Alex – Alexandra Harper,” Alex’s voice shook a little. “Professor Warren sent me to collect samples and interview one of your…patients?”

“Sign in and take the clipboard to fill out the forms.” Neither guard looked up at Alex or corrected her use of the word patient instead of prisoner.

For imposing at the building seemed from the outside, the lack of basic curiosity from the guards was even more disconcerting. In one of the cracked plastic chairs that were just begging to snag her panty hose, Alex stifled a yawn as she skimmed over the paperwork. The forms were the run of the mill stuff, if you get murdered or maimed, you can’t sue us. They were forms she had signed a number of times, but they seemed more menacing when she realized that the likelihood of being maimed, murdered, or other horrible things were much more likely here.

“Finished,” Alex attempted to sound chipper as she slid the clipboard to the guards.

“All personal belongings will go into a locker,” one guard said as he got to his feet, heaving a huge sigh. “You will be pat down as well to make sure you’re not smuggling anything in. Doctor Warren has had equipment approved and it will be given to you when you get to the subject in question.”

“The extra credit better be freaking worth it,” Alex muttered as she picked locker nineteen, her lucky number, and punched in the code to lock it. Not having anything to defend herself with, especially after the alley attack, made her even more uncomfortable.

“Alright, come through,” the guard waved here to walk through the metal detector, which thankfully didn’t beep because of her earrings, before a thorough pat down. “Here’s your visitor’s badge, which you will need to show a guard at every door. There is also a panic button on the clip in case anything happens. You’re going to cell G-9.”

That was it, not even any explanation how the panic button worked, before the guard disappeared back into his little control room. There was the loud click of the doors locking behind her. The sound of her heels clicking was no longer comforting as she walked down the hallway. Alex showed her badge to the guard standing at the elevator and she hoped he was armed more than necessary. He punched in a code to a pad that had no markings on it and waited without saying a word. It was like a Buckingham Palace guard that was armed for the zombie apocalypse.

The door slid open, showing another guard waiting in the small silver box the badge. Alex thanked the guard outside, though he didn’t even look at her, before stepping inside. There were no buttons in the elevator, but it started to descend soundlessly. Alex was pretty sure she had a nightmare like this before, the doors were going to open and there was going to be a boogeyman there. Though if it was a more recent nightmare, it would be The Winter Soldier, or just a tidal wave of blood. You know, super cheery things.

“It’s seems scarier than it is, Miss,” the guard said, making Alex jump. “We have only had one security breach, about a year ago, and since then they have gone a bit overboard. Even that situation, it wasn’t anything major.”

“Better safe than sorry, right?” Alex gave him a nervous smile. The fact that there had been a security breach, even if it was a year ago, was not exactly comforting.

“Especially with the people we have here, but there is no reason for you to look so jittery, you’ll be safe.” The guard gave her a reassuring smile underneath the visor of his riot gear. “You don’t want to let them smell fear. It’ll just make them rowdy.”

“Just like every other man I’ve ever met,” Alex muttered, not completely reassured by that information.

“You need anything, just push that panic button. Take no prisoners.” The guard gave that one last piece of advice as the elevator stopped.

Alex wasn’t sure if that was guard humor or not, but she couldn’t bring herself to laugh. Instead, she took a deep breath, a nod of acknowledgment and stepped out of the elevator. Alex put a little steel in her spine as the doors slid closed, and started forward. If there was one thing she was good at, it was bullshitting confidence.

It was surprisingly quiet, no screaming, laughing, or whimpering. After seeing so many movies set in insane asylums, she had expected pandemonium, but everything seemed controlled and contained. Each cell had a glass door with a safe like lock and a guard positioned alongside each in the shadows, as the light was pretty atrocious. None of the guards looked at her as she passed. The sound of her heels on the concrete floor mixed with the sound of water dripping somewhere, unnerving Alex more than screaming or manic laughing would have.

Cell G-9 was easy enough to find as there was a metal cart with supplies and a plastic chair outside the glass door. Alex said hello to the guard, who didn’t move a muscle, before taking a deep breath and looking into the cell. The lighting was no better, but there didn’t seem to be anyone in there.

“Don’t mind Jason,” a voice in the back corner of the cell called, making Alex jump. “He’s not supposed to talk to the dangerous criminals and must think that it also applies to pretty girls.”  

The voice was rather gentle, and cultured, which was surprising given the less than gentle and cultured surroundings. Alex’s eyes finally adjusted to the low lighting and could make out a pair of legs in orange cloth and white prison shoes against the back wall, though the rest of the body was still impossible to see.

“My name is Alexandra Harper and I’m Professor Warren’s assistant on the research project that you’re a participant in,” Alex took a seat on the edge of the chair, crossing her legs in an attempt to appear calm and professional. Don’t let them smell fear and take no prisoners. She had a job to do and she was going to do it, end of story.

“Well, you sound smarter than the last psychologist they sent to analyze me,” the voice continued, white shoes shaking a little. “The poor thing could barely get a word out, his teeth were chattering so badly. That begs the question, how did the good professor headhunt you for this particular assignment?”

“I’m not a psychologist, I’m a biochemist,” Alex wished she could see his face, it would make her feel a little less nervous. “And I wasn’t headhunted, I’m one of his students and this is an extra credit assignment. I just have to collect some skin and blood samples and then conduct a short interview. I hope that isn’t an issue, Mr…”

“Your honesty, as well as your company, are refreshing,” the legs disappearing into the shadows before the speaker walked into the light provided by the one recessed bulb in the ceiling. “Mr. Osborn, Harry Osborn to be precise, but you can just call me Harry. No need to be formal if we are going to be seeing each other every week.”

Alex had pictured what the person on the other side of the glass would look like since she had said yes meeting them, but the former head of one of the most powerful companies in the world had never even popped into her mind. It was all over the news that Harry Osborn had a nervous breakdown and that was why he was removed as the company CEO, but she had no idea it had landed him in a criminal asylum. What had he done to wind up here?

“Miles, Professor Warren, didn’t tell you who you were coming to see, did he?” Harry’s smile was soft as he sat down on the edge of his cot. His hair was a mess, but other than a jagged patch of scaly looking skin on the side of his face, he didn’t look all that mutated. What had caused the mutation? Something at Oscorp?

“He did fail to mention that the person I was coming to interview was worth probably over a million dollars, but what else is new?” This whole assignment was bizarre.  

“I know that feeling, never getting the whole truth to ensure that you do what someone wants. Since I was a child, everyone has always been after something from me, but no one was ever honest about it.” Harry tilted his head as he studied her for a moment, before giving the ghost of a smile. “Also, I want to point out, I am worth a lot more than a million, even locked up in here.”

“I will keep that in mind,” Alex gave him a smile as she looked down at the clipboard on the metal cart. “Now, it sounds like the psychologist when through these questions with you before, so I’m guessing you’re primed with the right answers. Is that right?”

“If it was anyone else who asked, I would say no,” Harry laughed, but it wasn’t dark or twisted. It was light and soft, and sounded very out of place in this setting. “However, I like you, Alexandra. Everyone else tried to adopt the persona they thought would best get me to talk, nice and cordial or stern and cruel. You are just talking to me like a person.”

“Last I checked, you are still a person, so I don’t see any reason to treat you otherwise.” The conversation was alarmingly comfortable and Alex found herself even liking Harry a little bit. “Also, please, call me Alex or A.J. Alexandra is just so…

“You don’t like Alexandra? I think it fits you, regal and gentle.” Harry tilted his head as he studied her. “You expected me to be less sane than I am right now, didn’t you?”

“I didn’t really have expectations,” Alex looked down at the clipboard again, reminding herself that she had a job to do. “So, are you going to answer these questions or not?”

“How about this?” Harry crossed legs and shimmied to the end of the bed, blue eyes sparkling. “For every question you ask me, I get to ask you one.”

“You can ask, but that doesn’t mean that I’ll answer,” Alex conceded. “You’re also not getting any blood or skin samples from me.”

“Fair enough, you start,” Harry gave her a smile, showing slightly pointy teeth.

Alex asked the first question and Harry was answering before she finished asking it. However, he was patient and repeated himself slowly, pausing so that she could easily transcribe it accurately.

“Where are you from?  It’s obvious that you aren’t native to New York,” Harry propped his head up on his folded hands.

“A tiny Midwest town on a not so tiny farm,” Alex relaxed in the chair a little. Harry had to be close to her age, something she would have to google later, but in the slip on shoes and jumpsuit, he seemed younger.

The rest of the hour continued in the same vein, Harry asking innocent questions and Alex providing vague answers. While she felt relaxed, telling a mentally unstable criminal detailed facts about herself did not seem wise, but she saw no problem with her favorite color or what her zodiac sign was.

“I have a question that’s not part of the assignment, if you don’t mind,” Alex said as she motioned for the guard to open the little area in the door that would allow Harry to stick out his arm for her to collect the samples.

“I get to ask another question then,” Harry said as he rolled up his sleeve and slid his arm out without any protest.

Alex snapped on a pair of gloves and opened the container with medical supplies. It was rather simple, a couple vials of blood and a small skin sample. Relatively noninvasive and painless, if you weren’t scared of needles. Professor Warren had given her a lesson about how to properly collect samples when she agreed to the assignment, but her hand still shook a little as she placed her hand on his arm to make sure he didn’t flinch.

“Calm down, Alex,” Harry said softly, looking up through his lashes and giving her a smile. “I promise one little needle stick isn’t going to bother me. What’s your question?”

“Earlier, you said ‘less sane than I am right now’” Alex slid the needle into Harry’s arm, he didn’t even flinch. “Does that mean that, because of whatever happened, you have a fluctuating mental state?”

Alex knew that the likelihood that whatever happened to Harry had nothing to do with Hydra, but a fluctuating mental state made her think of James. If she could get a brain scan on how his brain functioned during one of these episodes, maybe that data could be used in her research on a way to help James once he was found.

“Whatever happened, well, I did it to myself,” Harry said as Alex gently cut out the skin sample. “I had a rare genetic condition and there’s no cure. Slowly, I would have become an invalid, dying before my time, a husk of a human being. The only thing my father ever gave me.”

Alex looked up at Harry and was surprised to see that he was watching her intently. There was something about the way his blue eyes focused on her, the strange light behind them, that sent a small shiver down her spine. She could feel his pulse hammering as she pressed gauze to the small incision. There was an itch in her wrist, but she ignored it as she secured the samples, disposed of everything, and stripped off her gloves.

“At Oscorp,” Harry continued, voice even softer that he was basically whispering, “we had a cure of sorts, but it hadn’t been tested on humans. Well, it had accidentally been tested on one. It was my only hope, so…I took it.”  

“It didn’t go well,” Alex realized that they were almost nose to nose through the glass, feeling as if she moved away she would break something. This was not an answer to the question she asked, but it was still fascinating and she didn’t want Harry to stop talking.

“Well, my condition has slowed if not been stopped completely due to the mutations that the serum caused,” Harry gave her a ghost of a smile. “However, at times, I’m not myself. There are physical transformations as well and they’re not pretty.”

“Well, that will remind me to never skip the proper scientific procedures in my research,” Alex tried to joke, but it was an awful attempt. “I’m sorry, about the illness and…what came after.”

“You shouldn’t be,” Harry pulled his arm back, rubbing the back of his hand as the opening was secured once again. “The transformation, it taps right into my rage and I don’t care what’s right or wrong, just what I want. Sometimes I remember what I do, sometimes it is something I’ve wanted to do all along, other times…”

They were standing there, looking through the glass at one another, deep blue eyes looking into light blue. There were equally deep purple bags under both sets of eyes. Alex realized that she was barely breathing, completely entranced with what he might say next. It felt weird, to be staring at someone she had just met and hanging on his every word. Was she really so tired that he was having such an effect on her or did it have to due to the setting that the conversation was taking place in?

“Other times I do something I regret, like kill an innocent woman, one about your age, just to hurt someone who had wronged me.” Harry was studying her face, to see how she took the news. “They didn’t put me in here because I look good in orange.”

Alex finally blinked and took a step back, processing the information she had just been given. It wasn’t like she didn’t know more than her fair share of people who had blood on their hands. Steve during the war, Sam as well, James had killed people right in front of her, and that didn’t even count the people at Stark Industries. Harry seemed genuinely upset by what he had done, but did that change the gravity of the act?

“Thank you for your time, Mr. Osborn,” Alex said as she got ready to leave, turing to the guard. “Yours as well, Jason.”

“Harry, please, and I meant what I said about your honesty being refreshing. That’s why I told you the truth, I’m hoping that you come back next week for the next interview. I do like you better than anyone else that Miles, the professor, has sent me.”

“Take care of yourself, Harry,” Alex said with a small smile. “I’ll see you next week.”

Alex walked down the hall, feeling a little braver, letting her eyes drift over to the cell doors. There was nothing to see in most of them with the small glimpse that she got, but in a couple she would see the back of a head. There was only one that had a man standing at the door, looking out at her. He was older with wispy blond hair and round glasses. The expression on his face as she passed could only have been described as concerned. Then she was passed the window and stepping into the elevator.

There must have been a changing of the guard while Alex was interviewing Harry because it was a silent elevator ride up to the main floor. While the whole experience was far more than she had expected, there was a glimmer of hope that this extra credit might do some actual good for more than just her GPA. Alex was going to have to ask Professor Warren about what his research was actually focused on to understand the scope of what they were doing.

Alex was patted down again before the doors were unlocked and Alex was able to collect her things. The slight drizzle had advanced to a full-blown thunderstorm when Alex dashed to the waiting SUV. It wasn’t until they had pulled away from Ravencroft that she looked at her phone. Six missed calls and two voicemails. A heart in her throat, Alex listened to the first one.

“Harper, it’s me, Peter Parker. I’m not sure what you meant by your text, but you not answering your phone is not doing a lot for my anxiety. Now, I know you don’t like me following you around, I get it, you’re an independent woman and everything, but when you send me that text and I then can’t trace your cell phone signal, that goes way past anxiety. I know that I have been ignoring you and avoiding you, and I’m sorry, but like this is just cruel and unusual punishment. I invited you to dinner! I promise we’ll talk! As soon as you get this, I mean the immediate moment, call me.” Peter spoke so quickly that it took Alex two listens to the message before she caught all of it.

Alex sent Peter a quick text, saying that she was alright and would call him once she was back at her apartment. While she doubted that would placate her lab partner, she didn’t really want to have the conversation with the possible mob member by night driver able to eavesdrop. Instead she hit the other voicemail to listen to, hoping that Peter hadn’t done something stupid like call in a missing person’s report.

The first couple seconds of the message was just silence, and Alex was about to hang up, before there was a deep inhale on the other line.   

“Alexandra,” James’s voice was shaky and heavily accented. He started talking then, but it was in fluent Russian. Alex picked up a word here and there, but it was mostly nonsense to her. There was no pain or anxiety in the tone of his voice, but Alex could have thrown her phone out of frustration. Apparently, he had slipped back into his programming a bit, but at least he didn’t sound in danger.

The voicemail ended, but Alex couldn’t pull the phone away from her ear. Each phone call was a little glimmer of hope attached to a blade inserted straight into her heart. To hear his voice, to know he was alive, made butterflies awaken in her stomach. It also made her remember that when he was free of the programming, he wanted nothing to do with her. God, how did this become her life?

“Miss Harper, thank goodness, I was worried about you,” Jonathan said as he opened the door to let her out of the SUV. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine Jonathan, thank you.” Alex gave him a smile as they headed into the apartment building. “It was part of a job, I’m sorry to not warn you.”

“I don’t like the look of that man, Miss.” Jonathan shook his head as he went behind the front desk. “Please be careful.”

“Always.” Alex was starting to get tired of all the males in her life believing that she needed a bodyguard. Yes, she got into trouble more than your normal citizen, but she was self-sufficient. However, Jonathan was just trying to be nice, so there was no reason to take his head off.

“There was also a rather persistent young gentleman here to see you earlier. However, since you weren’t home, I told him I’d tell you he stopped by and sent him away. He even tried to sneak past me.” Jonathan sniffed in disdain.

“He’s fine, Jonathan, he’s just a friend from school.” There was a very small list of young gentlemen that Alex knew and only one who would attempt to sneak by the doorman. Peter really must have been worried about her, but how did he know where she lived? He had said something about tracking her cell phone too, which was a conversation they were going to have to have.

By the time got to her apartment, she was bubbling with rage. She stabbed Peter’s contact picture with more force than necessary and put her phone to her ear. The call was answered almost immediately, though Peter was apparently out of breath because he didn’t say anything right away. There was also the sound of water somewhere in the background, maybe he had been in the shower?

“Alexandra, where have you been? You dropped off the face of the earth after sending me a cryptic text. I stopped by your apartment and you weren’t there, the doorman wouldn’t tell me where you had gone. I almost called the cops!” Peter rambled.

“Funny, Peter, I don’t remember you being my keeper,” Alex’s voice was a cold as ice as she kicked off her heels. She noticed that her window was open, letting some cooler air into the apartment. She could have sworn it that she had closed it before she left.  

“You texted me!” Peter’s voice climbed a couple octaves.  

“Just as a precaution, it’s a girl thing. I should have just texted Monica,” Alex grumbled as she walked over to the window.

It was still storming pretty heavily now and she didn’t want anything in the apartment getting wet. There was a little fumbling as she pinned the phone between her shoulder and cheek as she reached between the curtains to push the window closed. There, on the other side of the glass was Peter Park, wet and looking rather sheepish.

“Jesus Christ!” Alex stumbled backward, the phone falling onto the floor. He was very lucky that she didn’t carry a gun or he would have had to attempt to dodge a bullet on her tiny fire escape.

“Most people just go with Peter,” he gave her a smile as he hung up the call. “Can you let me in? I’m starting to grow mildew out here.”

“What the hell are you doing out there?” Alex’s voice was a little shaky, though now probably because of anger.

“Okay, maybe this wasn’t my best thought out plan,” Peter admitted, pushing wet hair out of his face, “but I panicked when you wouldn’t answer your phone and I couldn’t get its GPS location. You really should get someone to give that doorman a raise, by the way, he was rather forceful, but still polite with me.”

Alex huffed, but he looked so pathetic out there bent at the waist to look in the window and dripping wet hair, that she had to let him in. It took her a little time to get the screen up, but finally Peter slithered into the apartment. Alex directed him to the bathroom, so he didn’t drip all over the place, before lowering the screen and closing the window. Luckily, there was a clean towel in the closet, even though she hadn’t done laundry in weeks, and she tossed it at Peter before she started to change out of her interview clothing.

“So, where exactly were you today that blocked cell phone signals and made you worried enough to text me?” Peter called from the bathroom. Alex heard wet clothes hitting the tiles and prayed that he wouldn’t walk out in just the towel.

“It’s for this extra credit assignment I’m doing for Warren. I wasn’t exactly sure what I was getting into. I never intended you to track my cell phone. How can you even do that?” Alex called as she tugged on a hoodie and a pair of yoga pants.  

“I’m Spider-man,” Peter said, waiting out of the bathroom towel drying his hair. As if to make his point, he was wearing his suit, well the bottom half of it. He was really only using it as a pair of pants, the rest scrunched up around his waist to show a lot of ab muscles.

“There’s a drier down in the basement, if you want me to take your stuff down,” Alex offered. “However, you’re going to have to supply the dollar.”

“I don’t think I have a dollar on me,” Peter shrugged. “You’re doing extra credit for Warren? Since when? I wasn’t offered extra credit.”

“I would have told you all about it, if you would have talked to me the past couple days instead of acting like I had the plague.” Alex pointed out. “And since when are you planning on going to London? You didn’t think that you might need to mention that to your lab partner?”

“I thought we weren’t friends?” Peter countered as he perched on the edge of the battered trunk that was her coffee table, a small smile on his face. “It’s just an application and even if I do get selected, I wouldn’t leave until next semester. We wouldn’t be lab partners anymore. How do you know the head of the anti-vigilante division of the NYPD?”

“Michael had the misfortune of being the officer on duty when I had some issues last year and he just can’t seem to get away from me,” Alex shrugged, jumping up onto the kitchen counter. “Are we still having dinner with your Aunt tonight?”

“She has a shift at the hospital today, so I figured we could get pizza or something so she doesn’t have to cook and we can get some work done on that project. Though apparently you have extra credit…” Peter trailed off, dropping the towel and picking up the notebook on the table. “What’s all this?”

“None of your business,” Alex jumped down and snatched the notebook out of his hand. “And for some reason Professor Warren really doesn’t like you, so that’s probably why you weren’t offered an extra credit assignment.”

“He really didn’t like you either, until recently,” Peter pointed out.

He had a point, but Alex wasn’t going to tell him that. Whatever the reason for Warren’s sudden interest and like of her was, it was helpful. There is that whole saying about not looking a gift horse in the mouth. Still, maybe on Monday she would stop by office hours and see if he would give her any more details about what they were working on, exactly. While she was fascinated by Harry, there were a thousand different biochemical avenues that his case could do down, and she should probably figure out which one.

“There was another reason I stopped by your place,” Peter said as he looked up at her, hair drying at erratic angles on his head.

“You don’t say,” Alex rolled her eyes as she sat down on the couch.

“Have you heard about the attacks on scientists? Their apartment’s being trashed, as if a wild animal was in there?” Peter leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees while Alex nodded. “When I couldn’t get a hold of you, I was worried whatever it was got to you, so I came by to check out your place. While it was dirty enough that someone may have ransacked it, there were no scratch marks. Then you called and here we are.”  

“Since you’re investigating, I’m guessing it isn’t really a wild animal being set loose by like PETA to protest animal testing?” Alex was a little touched that Peter was so worried he had come to check up on her, even though it was ridiculous.

“No, no, I’ve caught glimpses of him and if I didn’t know better, I’d say it was a werewolf,” Peter sighed. “However, it wasn’t a completely selfless reason I stopped by, I wanted to make sure that you haven’t told anyone at Stark Tower about me.”

“Why doesn’t anyone at Stark Tower know about you? I mean, you guys are in the same line of work.” Alex really hadn’t given any thought to the idea, but shouldn’t the Avengers be recruiting Peter?

“Because I draw the line at aliens,” Peter laughed before turning serious. “I was in New York for the battle, with those things pouring from the sky. There was nothing I could do and honestly I want no part of that. Besides, someone had to take care of the smaller threats while the Avengers are off saving the world.”

“I’d be even more worried about your mental state if you hadn’t been scared by that,” Alex smiled. “I mean, you’re just a scientist in spandex. Aliens are a bit above your pay grade.”

“I’m not just an inventor, I have a few more tricks up my sleeve, but I would have been totally out of my depth.” Peter laughed as he got up and stretched.

“Is that so?” Alex raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to continue.

Before Peter answered, a ringing phone can be heard from the bathroom. Alex hopped up and grabbed it out of the soaking wet jeans Peter had thrown over the tub. Peter was right behind her and his face fell when he looked at the readout.

“Another scientist apartment was just called into 9-1-1.” Peter was moving toward the window before the words were out of his mouth. “If I get there first, maybe I can find out what this guy is after.”

“Peter wait a-” Alex didn’t even get to finish the statement before he was out of the window and perched on the railing of her fire escape.  

“I’ll call you later about dinner,” Peter called before he vaulted over the railing and fell out of sight.

“Parker,” Alex screamed as she scrambled out of the window. Gripping onto the railing, Alex looked over, rain be damned. There was not a splattered lab partner on the ground, in fact, there was nothing in the alley. She heard his laughter and turned her head in time to see a streak of full suited up Spider-Man swing around the building. Alex remembered the white substance that he used when fighting, was it webbing? Damn it, she was curious now.

Slamming the window shut, Alex stripped off again as she was once again soaked and collapsed on the couch, closing her eyes. It had been one hell of a day and it wasn’t even noon. She was tired. Her phone buzzed, a text from Jake asking her about what dates would be good for his trip to the Big Apple. It was just a jumble of letters and Alex couldn’t even figure out a good reply. So she just closed out of the message.

All Alex wanted was a nice long rest. No college to worry about, no vigilantes or superheroes, just for everything to stop. For a second her finger hovered over Sam’s contact picture, for him to tell her everything was alright, to come over and talk with her. However, she couldn’t bring herself to make the call. She scrolled down and got to Steve’s number, the one she should have called the moment that she got James’s voicemail. Once again, she couldn’t bring herself to do it.

Instead, she turned on her side and listened to James’s voicemail again and again.

[marshmallow-phd]

The Experiments

Genre: Sci-Fi, Thriller, experiment au

Pairing: Fem!Reader x Exo (????)

Summary: You were a med school graduate who just wanted to help research cures for the world. Instead, what you got was a dream job at EXO Applied Sciences. That is, until you discover the secrets of Level Sixty-Six and the nine inhabitants that inhabit there….

Part: 1 I 2 I 3 I 4 I 5 I 6 I 7 I 8 I 9 I 10 I 11 I 12 I 13 I 14 I 15 I 16 I 17 I 18 I 19 I 20 I 21 I 22 I 23 I Final

A/N: This is a story that had been bouncing around in my head for a while. I hope you all enjoy it! The pairing is unknown right now because I’m still trying to decide who (y/n) should end up with. BTWs the picture is not mine. Happy reading!! XOXO

**

EXO Applied Sciences and Operations was the dream job. You had to be at the top of your class to entertain the idea of the company as a possibility and even then, there’s no application process. You have to be offered the job personally, no exceptions. Those who wanted to spend their lives doing research and finding cures vied for the right to be accepted there. And that was exactly your goal.

Since high school, you knew you wanted to be a doctor. By the time you got into medical school and had to start boggling down on a specialty, you realized you didn’t want to be in an OR or the ER; you just didn’t have the steady hands for that. But you liked the experiments. You liked analyzing the data and coming to conclusions, finding the answers to problems those before you couldn’t solve.

All the hard work paid off. You graduated third of your class. Not exactly the top spot, but it was enough. The day of your graduation ceremony, after all the cheers, speeches, and annoying traditions that still somehow get carried on, a man in a black suit pulled you off to the side, handing you a large manila envelope. At home when you were alone, with shaking hands and a pounding heart, you opened the package. Sliding out the stack of papers, you read the first sentence and nearly fell off the couch.

It was the invitation you’d been waiting for. All the information you needed to accept the job was right at your fingertips and you didn’t hesitate. But those first six months were brutal.

Though it wasn’t officially “entry level”, it might as well been. On your first day they introduced you to the other new hires in your area and dropped you off in a large laboratory where the walls were lined with filing cabinets and a long table in the middle littered with desktops.

You were on paper pushing duty. As the results of the experiments that other people were conducting came in, it was up to you and the other bottom feeders to organize, sort, and label the findings and put them in the filing cabinet to be easily accessible later on. If someone came in needing those results, you were there to find the file and check it out in the system. There was only one room that was off limits to all of you in the laboratory. A special code encrypted on the company-issued badge was needed to gain access. The others around you were all dying to know what lied beyond the secret door, but you didn’t really care. You just wanted out of that damn filing position.

As the months rolled by, you watched the faces of the people around you change. Some were transferred to other departments while others just flat out quit. You held on, though, just needing to get through the grilling trial of being the newbie. You weren’t going to quit just because the road got a little bumpy. But it was a bit disheartening to watch others be freed while you were left behind.

It was another day of expected boring paperwork when your luck finally change. As soon as you clocked in, you were pulled out of the laboratory and into the office of Dr. Kwon Daesuk. You’d never met him, but you’d heard some of the other doctors whisper his name as they passed through the lab right to the secret door. Worry washed over you. Had you done something wrong? Had important files gone missing?

Dr. Kwon was sitting at his large desk looking over files as you entered. As one of the top researches for EXO, it was no surprise that he was up there in the age department. His hair was more silver than black and his face was littered with crevasses that wrinkled even more when he frowned. Though he wasn’t as big as some of the other doctor’s you’d seen, he did have a little extra weight on him that gave him the aura of a grandfather you could trust.

When he saw you standing in his doorway, he motioned for you to sit down in one of the simple, dark wooden chairs in front of him. The upholstery was a garish green and tan paisley pattern. At least you were sitting on it and not having to stare at it.

“Good morning, Dr. (L/n),” he greeted, closing the files. “I’m sure you’re wondering why I’ve called you here today?”

You nodded cautiously, your entire work history running through your mind. As far as you remembered you hadn’t had anything disciplinary worthy happen.

“Well, we’ve been monitoring your work here so far and you seem to be very dedicated. As you certainly are aware, most people don’t make it to the sixth month mark. We wanted to be sure of your determination.”

“Working for EXO Applied Sciences has been my dream for a long time,” you answered honestly. “I wasn’t just going to give it up for some pharmaceutical company that I have no interest in because I wasn’t handed a lead position right of the bat. If that meant another six months of filing before being moved to a team, I’d do it.”

Dr. Kwon grinned. “That’s exactly what I like to hear. Dr. (L/n), you’re no longer stationed in the holdings lab. We’re moving you to level sixty-six.”

You nearly choked on the air in your throat. Level sixty-six was deep underground and the most secretive area in all of EXO. It was where the government sanctioned experiments and top-secret holdings that no one but the select few knew about were located. It was also access to the forbidden room.

“Your thesis on using animal DNA to heal injuries and cure diseases was fascinating and exactly the kind of ideas we need here.” He tossed over a badge to your side of the desk. Your picture that you’d taken on your first day here was smiling up at you and a tiny new symbol that you couldn’t quite make out from this distance was shining in the top right-hand corner. It looked like a hexagon, but you’d have to confirm it later with a closer look. “You’ll need this to gain access to the basement. Come with me. We’ll start the tour.”

You followed him out of the office and back to the laboratory that you would no longer call home. Your former coworkers watched you pass the tables, their eyes growing wider than petri dishes at the realization of where you were headed. Dr. Kwon stopped in front of the door that, until now that it, had never really given you excitement.

“Ladies first.”

With a little worry that your badge wouldn’t work, you held it up to the square black pad off to the side and watched with glee as the small red light switched to green. Dr. Kwon opened the door slowly and allowed you to enter first. Whatever your imagination had conjured up about this room, it was a complete let down that shouldn’t really have surprised you.

Bright florescent lighting stung your eyes as the beams bounced off of the white and chrome surfaces. Twelve individual filing cabinets lined the walls, four drawers high. Each cabinet had its own designated number, large and black on the top drawer. Three of them had a harsh red “X” passing through them.

You turned around to face Dr. Kwon, who was smiling at you expectantly. “What exactly is housed in here? I mean, what do we do on level sixty-six?” 

More importantly, what would you be doing there? And would you constantly be having to ride the elevator up here?

A little chuckle left his thin lips. “Well, my dear, level sixty-six is where we conduct the human trials. Thanks to grants given by our wonderful government, we’re working on the ultimate soldier.”

“Super soldiers?” you scoffed. That was seriously still a thing? “Like Captain America?”

“Not quite,” Dr. Kwon countered, walking over to the filing cabinet labeled “12” and pulled out a file. He handed it over to you. Inside was a standard info sheet, including the subject’s date of birth and their current height, and weight. All that was missing was their picture. “They’re Special Forces, but we’re concentrating on the healing factor, especially for severe injuries, along with unique abilities that could come in handy in covert operations.”

Now your interest was piqued. “What kind of abilities?”

“In time, in time.” Dr. Kwon took the file back and replaced it into the cabinet.

Your eyes settled in the large red “X”’s. “What happened to these three?”

Dr. Kwon frowned. “They were transferred to our Chinese division. They’re doing much better over there.”

There was no explanation for it, but for some reason the way he phrased the transfer set you on edge, like a ghost story around a campfire. But there was nothing unusual about a patient moving to another building for further testing. Maybe your nerves were just getting the best of you today.

“Come now, let’s introduce you to your new coworkers.” Leading the way to the elevator, Dr. Kwon explained to you how your full hours were to be taken in the basement, including lunch breaks, just for precaution’s sake. There was a fully stocked break room and bathroom facility, so the only reason to ever leave was to come to the holding room for any files that you may need.

Once again, your badge was needed to access the basement from the elevator and when the doors dinged open, they revealed a small round lobby that broke off into two hallways at eleven and one o’clock respectively.

“Your main lab is down this way,” Dr. Kwon said, leading you down the hall to the right.

You couldn’t hold in your curiosity. “What’s down the other hall?”

“Oh, that’s where we house the subjects,” he clarified. “For safety precautions.” Safety precautions. You seemed to be hearing that a lot. It shouldn’t be that strange since this was a laboratory, but the way Dr. Kwon was saying those words was sending strange signals off in your head. Maybe you were still just waiting for him to say “just kidding!” and make you go back to filing for another six months. 

That strange, ominous feeling just could be shaken from you as the hall, lined with heavy metal doors on either side, seemed more like a jail than a housing center, but you forced the thoughts away. You still didn’t know exactly how things operated down here and for all you knew on the other side of those doors could be five star hotel rooms.

Dr. Kwon stopped at the second door on the right. “This is our blood work lab and your new home.”

The lab was like any other you had worked in during med school. Everything was either white or chrome. Refrigerators with glass doors so you could see inside lined one side of the room, storing dozens of vials and dishes waiting for testing. Other display cases showcased glass slides, each shelf labeled with a corresponding number with the cabinets upstairs. At the long table in the middle of the room sat a woman around your age in purple scrubs looking into a microscope while an older woman in her mid-forties stood over her, writing on a clipboard.

The older woman noticed you first and bowed a greeting.

“Hello, there. You must be (y/n).” she stepped forward as the younger one looked up. “I’m Dr. Wang.” Your new boss appeared to be a kind woman, her smile wide and genuine. Her hair was pulled back into a precise and sharp bun without a hair out of place. “This is my assistant, Dr. Kher. I’ve been waiting for you to arrive here since you accepted our offer. I’m looking forward to what you can bring to our research team.” She held out her hand and you took it enthusiastically.

“Thank you,” you beamed. It was the greatest compliment you had ever received.

Dr. Kher stood up and walked up to join the group. “It’s nice to meet you. I’m happy I won’t be by myself anymore.” She was beautiful, with caramel skin and dark hair to compliment it. Her friendly grin just seemed to pull the whole package together. You hoped that her personality was just as pretty. So far, it seemed so.

“Well, I will leave her to you then,” Dr. Kwon bowed and left us alone.

Dr. Wang shook her head as she watched him leave. “I can’t believe he made me wait six months to get you down here. I wanted you from day one, especially after getting a hold of your thesis. Your analysis on blood work is right in line with what we’re doing down here. But no, you still had to go through the trial period.”

“I’m surprised they waited six months,” Dr. Kher chimed in. “I was only up there for three before they pulled me down here.”

“Oh, well,” Dr. Wang sighed. “We’ll just have to make up for lost time. Dr. (L/n), I’ve already taken the liberty in pulling the files for subjects’ Zero-One, Sixty-One, and Ten for you. I’ve pulled all their vials and set up your station; it’s just across from Dr. Kher. I’ll be in and out today, we’re running some further tests on subject Zero-Four. For now, I just want you to become familiar with those three subjects and get to know their blood like the back of your hand. Later on, I’ll introduce you to more subjects and what we’re aiming for. At the end of the day, just make sure everything is put back into its proper place, including taking the files back up to the filing room. If you have any questions, Dr. Kher should be familiar with everything by now.” She checked her watch at the end of her speech. “Oh, I’ve got to go. But I’m so glad to have you here.”

Practically running out of the room, Dr. Wang disappeared from view, her white lab coat flapping behind her.

“That’s about the same introduction I got when I transferred here,” Dr. Kher mused. She turned to you with that smile still on her face. “I read your thesis, too, although it seemed a bit comic book to me.”

You blushed with embarrassment. “Well, to be honest, that’s where the inspiration came from. However, all the research is legitimate, Dr. Kher.”

She threw her hands up. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend. Just an observation. I know your research was accurate. Oh, and you can call me Nada when it’s just the two of us.”

“No, it’s okay,” you reassured. “I’m just protective over my work. And you can call me (y/n).”

“Well, (y/n), I think we’re going to get along just fine.”

[faces-in-unexpected-places]

One of the few times that I am angry (long post)

Okay, I really REALLY need to say something about this because I’ve let it go enough times that I think it could stand to be expressed. I think it’s probably pretty clear that I am a generally happy person. Though I don't keep up with it consistently, I do have some 200 posts called Positivity Daily, and a strong part of who I am stems from my love of passion, happiness, humour, hard work and determination. My blog is minimally active and doesn’t express all of those things incredibly deeply, but they are there because I value and live by those things in my everyday life to the best of my ability.

But I am angry right now, and I’m tired of letting things go. Just this once, I want to talk about something that I see often and has made me so sick and tired of it.

My spanish final was broken up into an individual section and a group section. And my partner for the group section throughout the semester just finally got on my last nerve today. For 15 weeks, I’ve listened to this kid be be pessimistic and judgemental of his surroundings and the people he talks to because his self-esteem and sense of responsibility is too god damn fragile to allow him to be humble and genuine.

I’ve watched him try his hardest to fit into this stereotype of a hard-boiled detective because his major is criminology. I’ve watched him be insulting and fake-edgy and offensive and play it off as if everyone around him is somehow fundamentally wrong in feeling uncomfortable when he sarcastically asks someone “did you forget to take your pills today”.

For 15 weeks, all he’s done is bitch and moan and whine and piss his pants because he doesn’t want to be in this (required) class. He glares at me when I laugh and have fun and actually learn the material, and somehow makes the effort to show that I am the “outcast” for not hating myself and everything in the world because the hour and a half of spanish class is quite possibly the worst thing that somebody can force him to sit through. He makes it sound like my learning the material is me “showing off” and ask “why can’t you just say something simple in spanish, instead of all this fancy shit”. Except everything in this class is simple because it is an introductory class. The reason it sounds fancy is because he just hasn’t paid any attention.

But you know what? I’m fucking sick of it. He talks about how hard everything is and this is the last thing he needs right now. People forget that just because I am silly and have fun and positive that I’m not a fucking adult. I try to be fun and genuine but if somebody wants to be that much of a buzzkill and try to bring out the worst in everybody then things can get really adult and spiteful really fucking fast.

Do you think I want to be there? Do you think I’m just brimming with excitement  to come to spanish class and show off all this “fancy shit” that I know? Because I’m not. I was kind of inconvenienced when they told me that I had to take a language because I’m trying to focus on getting as much advanced biology and chemistry as I can. And throwing a language into my semester would distract me from the parts of my education that are most important to me. I chose spanish because I took it in high school and I would be able to focus more on my future in biology.

But that doesn’t stop me from enjoying and appreciating the fact that I get to learn another language. There is somebody right there in front of me that is saying “hey, I will teach you this thing that you hardly know anything about and try to keep you as engaged as possible”. Maybe spanish isn’t my exact passion, but that is amazing that somebody would do that for me. That is a wonderful opportunity and I actually appreciate it.

Being a massive dick and being offensive and judgemental and flippant about unique opportunities that are presented to you does not do anything for you other than piss me off and make you miserable. There is nothing wrong with doing well in class. There is nothing wrong with doing well in anything. The lack of consideration and appreciation that he has for his life completely astounds me.

One of the few things that boils my blood is watching somebody suck the life and enrichment out of something with their pessimism, attack people’s self-esteem with judgement, and take the amazing privileges around them for granted. I’m so tired of watching people do this and in all honesty, I want them to shut the fuck up and appreciate what they have because how perfect does life have to be before you stop being such an absolute torture to interact with.

Do they not think other people are struggling? I have plenty of things that I can be shitty and pissy about but I choose not to. Why? Because it make me unhappy. It would make the people around me unhappy. Want to know what I struggle with? My girlfriend that I love very much lives 8 hours away and we only get to see each other every few months, whereas other people see their significant others every day. What do I come home to every night? Not her. Instead I turn my diffuser on before my roommates smoke a bunch of fucking weed and make the living room and kitchen disgusting with beer and left out food.

Want to know what I learned from my research this semester? Nothing. My data has not proven anything at all. My experiments were inconclusive, some of them probably went wrong and I’m not sure which ones. I stayed in the lab until ten at night on a lot of days just to get as much data as I could. I also spilled fucking Anatoxin all over myself while I was experimenting, ruined a whole batch of experiments and I also had to throw away the sweater I was wearing because the alternative would be death by a neurotoxin.

My mom is in the middle of moving from the house I grew up in because she bought a new house (congrats to her, so excited!) but renovating it is also taking much longer than she thought, so she’s been staying with my step-dad’s family for a few months. Not much privacy. She’s living out of a suitcase. She has some of my things with her that I’d like to have back but it’s buried under piles of shit in the back of an enormous van, so I won't get my things for a few more months. This Thanksgiving, we ate store-brand macaroni, mashed potatoes and sauerkraut in this new house which has no internal walls – only wooden beams.

I went to get a letter of recommendation from my old tutoring boss for my applications to grad school and you know what I found out when I asked for his name? HE MOVED TO JAPAN. I had no idea, he just up and left and I was scrambling because I had no idea if I could find another person to be my 3rd reference. What a fucking curveball.

But have I been bitching and moaning and talking about how my life is so terrible and everything sucks this whole time? No. I have been working my ass off to make it to where I am. I am going to be the first person in my family to go to graduate school and it’s terrifying, but it’s also one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. I never dreamed of being good enough to pursue something like this. I am and, it’s such a fantastic thing to have.

You know what my responses were to all of those difficult things happening?

Seeing Abbey only every few months: It won't be forever, and I’m seeing her for christmas, that’s good.

Inconclusive results on my research: I got lots of good experience, and there’s still more work to be done for the future. I’m not shit out of luck, I just have to keep trying, and that’s good.

Spilling Anatoxin on myself: At least I’m not dead. And at least the sweater I got it on wasn’t particularly special to me.

My mom moving: It’s been a stressful change, but it’s a good change. She deserves this new house and I’m glad she’s still moving forward in life. At least there was heat in the house while we were eating our dinner. And I get to look forward to getting my things back, since my mom was thoughtful enough to hang onto all of it during the move.

My old boss moving to Japan: He had a good job opportunity and he took it, GOOD FOR HIM. If I couldn’t get him to be my letter of reference, then I could figure out a way to spin gold out of yarn somewhere. And turns out, I DID get him to write me the reference, so even better.

The POINT of all this is...

Life is always hard and there will always be a reason to be down and upset. And  it’s expected that you will feel that way sometimes. You may even be cranky and shitty and hurtful to people; hopefully very infrequently, and you apologise afterwards for hurting them. Try your best, find someone to talk it out with, make some good changes and decisions for your life. Life gets you down and it’s tough. I get it. We all do. But please forgive me if watching you make everyone else’s life even harder by bitching for the fifteenth week in a row about how you hate spanish class makes me want to foam at the fucking mouth.

Sometimes you just need to shut the fuck up, deal with the hand you were given, try your best and appreciate what you have instead of what you wish you did. I’m so exasperated from seeing so many things being taken for granted. Stop judging people so harshly for the smallest things. Focus on you. Make yourself better. Stop tearing everyone down because you’re too scared to build yourself up.

The amount of frustration that I have watching someone moan over the smallest thing and have the audacity to glare at and insult me for putting my best foot forward in the face of adversity literally gives me a pounding headache and heart-palpitations.

Moral of the story: Don’t be a parasite because you’re scared to own your life; especially your mistakes, flaws, and weaknesses.

[laceandhockeyskates]

What the hell I’ve been up to?!

I don’t even know how to make an introduction for this hot mess but I guess we’ll go month to month more or less because let me tell you 2018.... really fucked me up. Both in good ways, but also in terrible ways? I don’t know... I feel like it’s all worked out in the end but damn was it a mess to get to this point. 

 January- lovely, lovely January. Aka the last time I’ve posted anything of real value on this blog. I had my first trip out of the country!! Other than that uneventful?! 

 February and March (since nothing happened)- I turned 25. I don’t remember anything besides grabbing lunch with my grandma for it... so clearly it was a huge deal. Besides that though.... nothing. 

 April.... this is when things got.... interesting- we found out in April that the retail company I worked for was going out of business. Which was absolutely terrifying. I had no idea what I was going to do, how long it was going to take to find a new job... I knew nothing. That very day that we were told I put in 25 job applications. Within a week I had 4 job interviews lined up for one day that I had off of work, and at the end of that day I had a new job. 

 May- and it gets worse. May 4th was my last day at the store before I started my new job on May 5th. It was somewhere that I had applied to several times and never got a call back from, and it was only a three minute drive from my house so I thought everything was going to work out. Right? Wrong. I HATED it. With every fiber of my being it was the worst. I sat in my car on my lunch breaks crying more often than I wasn’t. It was honestly awful, and some greater power that be must have recognized how miserable I was because I was only there for less than 2 weeks. I started on the 5th and I worked my last day there on the 17th. I was scheduled to have that Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off already which I was thankful for and had all these plans. So since about November-December I had these back pains that started right between my shoulder blades and wrapped around my stomach every few weeks. At first I thought I had a strange strand of the flu, and then I thought I was just sleeping on my back wrong.... well neither was accurate. That Friday night I was sitting on the couch watching tv when the pain hit me again and at that point it was more of an annoyance thing because like seriously?? So I just did what I always did and took pain meds and prepared myself for a night of no sleep and taking a hot bath every two hours to pour steaming hot water over my back (aka the only thing that really helped), by Saturday I wasn’t any better and my dad offered to take me to the ER. I thought he was just tired of listening to me whine about the pain and not really worried but I did let him drive me to Walmart to get a heating pad and more pain killers. Which again... helped.... but only for so long. I actually got to sleep that night and woke up at 3 am in literally the worst pain of my entire life. I quickly got in the tub hoping that the hot water would work or the heating pad or really anything. By 5 am though I knew that something was terribly, terribly wrong and that’s when I asked my dad to take me to the ER. Which I don’t think he took me seriously until 7 when my mom woke up and I asked her to go. It took less than 5 minutes at the ER to be told I have pancreatitis and gallstones and I’m basically screwed. By the time I came back from chest x rays I was being admitted. And let me tell you... that shit sucked. My Er nurse asked me how I was feeling and I literally laughed and told her I was just happy that it wasn’t all in my head. Which she very much assured me that it wasn’t. And that I actually have a high pain tolerance considering anyone else would be screaming in pain, and that if I had waited another few days I’d be going in with a raptured gallbladder. That first day... sucked to put it kindly. Because I had a gallstone blocking my pancreas I wasn’t allowed food (I ended up going from 5 pm Saturday to 2 pm Monday without food) or water (4 am Sunday to 2 pm Monday). Do you know it’s like to go that long? I was the biggest asshole because all I truly wanted was applesauce and water. To top it off though they couldn’t figure out a pain med that actually worked for me. Morphine lasted about as long as it took to get to my toes (a few seconds at best) so I was miserably in pain the entire time. Monday wasn’t too bad. My mom came and visited me, and for the most part I was left alone with the occasional check in minus my surgery consult. Tuesday.... was a day. I’ve never had surgery before and to say I was anxious would be an understatement. I had been waking up around 5-6 am anyways and was just watching the news when I realized there were two people standing outside my door.... I had originally been told my surgery was the 3rd of the day and I wouldn’t be going until about 11 am which gave my parents enough time to get my brother off to school and to be back in time to see me off... that’s not what happened. They had bumped me up to #1. Which meant my labs hadn’t been put in as needed ASAP and had to be run again but as soon as that was done? I was being wheeled away. What I didn’t know was that my mom had a nightmare that I had been taken to surgery early and that I died on the table... so you can imagine her reaction when I texted them that I was actually going to surgery early... needless to say my dad sped all the way to the hospital. Actual surgery though? I don’t remember a ton. I remember going to the holding room and being introduced to a bunch of people that I knew for all of five seconds before going into the OR. I remember moving from my bed to the table and then being wrapped up in a bunch of warm blankets and given the mask. I wasn’t told to count down or anything but within seconds I was out. I remember vaguely waking up to be moved from the table to my bed and I THOUGHT I had only fallen back asleep for the ride to recovery... apparently it was a lot longer than that. I woke up once in recovery and could have sworn they cut me open side to side but nope. It was a successful surgery with only four tiny incisions that hurt like a goddamn bitch let me tell you and then I passed back out... when I finally woke back up again I was awake long enough I was allowed to go to my room where my parents were relieved to see me. I was up walking within an hour (I was told I wasn’t allowed food unless I moved around and got the gas out of myself and had bowl movements. They recommended walking. I wanted food.) and that day was spent between doing laps and sleeping. The next day? The day I was suppose to go home? My labs came back with a high white blood count... and I lost it. Despite my parents visiting me every day I was tired of feeling alone. Luckily though Thursday I was finally released.... in time for my baby brother to graduate high school. Which was a fun ceremony when you’re hopped up on pain meds. 

 June- was a hot mess of dealing with medical leave at the job I hated, but mostly? It was spent enjoying the summer. Once I was cleared for activity I was swimming nearly every day and soaking in the summer with my two baby cousins who turn 12 soon. Despite the physical pain I had to deal with and the stress of work I wouldn’t have traded that in for anything. It gave me so many fun memories to look back on and enjoy. 

 July- I was suppose to go back about the 8th but medical leave was... a mess. And tbh at that point it wasn’t worth the stress to keep that job when for the time being I was making enough by doing side jobs for my family to pay my bills. I did start applying for new jobs though while I spent more time enjoying my summer with my kiddos. By the 27th though I was starting my new job, which is where I’m currently at while I type this long ass post but we’ll get into that a little farther down. Two days later though as I was about to start my first full day at my new job I got the text message I never wanted to get. I had to call my cousin/best friend. Long story short her mother had passed away meaning that she had lost both of her parents in seven years. Something I can’t even imagine. But not only that but it meant that my grandma had also lost her sister and best friend, and my great grandmother had to do the one thing no parent should ever go through.  

August- was honestly a really intense blur. Between two weeks of dealing with the fall out of losing my aunt and starting my new job I didn’t have a life. In late July/early August though I knew something was up with my car but I honestly thought it was just a tie rod going bad... no. Apparently my entire undercarriage was more or less rusting out and I was screwed. I didn’t have any money saved up for a down payment, I had no idea if I could even afford a car payment yet (despite working a better paying job with more hours but I was use to basically barely making ends meet with maybe $20 left over). Luckily my parents who are the real mvps of my life stepped up and helped me figure everything out and I had a new car within a week of starting to search (she’s my baby girl. I’m obsessed. She’s literally everything I wanted minus the fact that she’s white and my previous car was white and I wanted to avoid that: but besides that... I’m happy with her and she’s worth the pretty penny I pay every month). 

 September- was a goddamn mess work wise. It’s all I did. Work. 

 October- I took my first major road trip on my own (driving 2 and a half hours by myself on the interstate. It was a big deal.) and saw FOB in concert which was... life changing. I completely recommend seeing them if you ever have a chance (also machine gun kelly was there and despite the fact that I don’t care for rap.... he was pretty good.). Other than that though October was more work craziness. 

And now for November, and if you guessed work was insane... you’d be right. When I was hired in July it was all “oh it’ll only be busy until like October” and now my boss is like “maybe by March we can get our sanity back for two months?” Which don’t get me wrong I’m grateful. I’m making a $1 more an hour, actually working full time, and I don’t hate a majority of my coworkers (there’s still a handful though that if I had a shopping cart at work I’d run of their bare toes but that’s more because they make my life unnecessarily stressful) but I’m actually happy???? Like as stressed out as I am basically 24/7 I’m doing alright. I have a majority of my Christmas shopping done and wrapped which like?? And idk... I’m just.... I’m in a good place. And I won’t lie I still check myself once and awhile going “okay something is bound to go wrong.” But also maybe all the good is outweighing all the bad that I had to deal with. Anyways so that’s the life update. If you actually read that... bless your soul. Message me. We’re now best friends. And hopefully in the coming weeks I figure out what the hell im doing with this blog.

December update I wanna die lol! We had two people quit in three weeks leaving us with four people to cover 24 hours 7 days a week....it’s a great time. 

[maryellencarter]

okay SO! i, a smol tortoise, am taking a break from job applicating (which has not yet produced any results btw) to watch some stargate sg-1. the last time, i stopped after “the tok’ra”, which means next up is “spirits”. i’m not sure if i’ve ever actually seen this episode. what i vaguely remember of it sounds like it could be pretty racist. let’s find out? ;P

* introducing: trinium!

* the sg team that was supposed to bring back more trinium has not called in. presumably they are dead or something.

* i love these shots where they’re all standing in a row just slightly staggered so you can see all of them. idk why, i just do.

* ooh, trinium arrowheads can shoot right through... plexiglass, that’s the word, that’s what we have on this planet. earth. on earth. it took me perhaps longer than it should have done to remember that “transparisteel” is the wrong word. ^_^ i are real beta reader

* god, rick gives the best whump. :D the best.

* man, daniel still has long hair, i’m not used to being so early

* “Aliens are always poking me full of holes.” Jesus, I love Jack. It’s been too goddamn long.

* GOD I LOVE JACK he is a jackass and also a delight ^_^ you know, for a show that was endorsed by the air force, this show is so goddamn sarky about usian political shit, and a lot of that is because rick anderson

* sam is having such a good hair day

* d’awwwwwww! it’s sam’s first time commanding a mission (because jack was wounded by the trinium arrow) and he’s being all encouraging and sweet. i love them all so much

* ooh spiffy, marie-celeste-style mystery episode! i always love those. they vary wildly in how well people pull them off, but i like them.

* Well, the transplanted Native Americans on this planet are at least supposed to be from a specific PNW tribe, the Salish, so that’s... better than nothing. ;P i have basically no optimism about tv and race shit.

* those blowdarts were nowhere near long enough to get through their flak vests.

* the native dudes do look to be dressed in (an evolution of) PNW-style Native gear rather than the usual Plains-inflected bullshit...

* Native leader dude (I forgot to turn on captions so I have no idea what his name is) speaks informal modern English, always nice.

* I really don’t think this actor is comfortable in his garb. He’s got some weird body-language stuff going on.

* I’m not sure this episode knows what it wants to be doing. It’s... playing pretty hard on the viewers’ presumed assumption that the “spirits” are bullshit. (I read the shooting script once, ten or twelve years ago, so I know there’s gonna be a fourth-act reveal that Science is happening and it’s all nice and comfortable. I *think* this weird speech about belief and not seeing the wind is trying to interact with that somehow, but it’s not quite working.)

* “Is anyone at the Pentagon or along the chain of command concerned with, oh, aboriginal rights, repeating history, that pesky moral stuff?” OH JACK. I love Jack a lot.

* Aaand one of the SG guys we rescued (or possibly all of them) turns out to be a disguised “spirit”, whatever they’re gonna end up calling them, and makes General Hammond disappear. Presumably because Hammond was defending the orders to lie to the Salish leader dude and then come back later and steal all the trinium.

* Yep, all of them.

* So now they’re just going around the SGC disappearing everybody. Okay then.

* Jack, still with his right arm in a sling, dodges into a stairwell just in time to avoid being disappeared too. Foothold situation!

* Jack is very good at what he does. He heads straight to the Gateroom, sees that Harriman’s been disappeared, and immediately initiates a lockdown. I do enjoy competent badass guys being competent. ^_^

* Daniel’s with Salish leader dude (who is on base being an ambassador), hiding in a storage closet. Jack, Sam, and Teal’c got to the armory. Presumably Daniel’s gonna ask leader dude some questions and figure it all out before (or just after) the others get disappeared.

* We saw this lab dude disappear, so we know something is Wrong.

* Ah, it’s a misdirect. Lab dude (obviously one of the Spirits) wants SG-1 to help find Native leader dude, whose name appears to be Tanani. Sam and Jack exchange an amazingly suspicious look. God, they’re all so good at faces.

* Jack and Teal’c point weaponry at lab dude and demand to know what’s up. He explains that he’s one of the spirits and wants Tanani back unharmed. Then he tries to disappear them and Teal’c zats him, which knocks him down handily.

* The knocked-down Spirit does a squelchy CGI shapeshift effect and turns into a dude with gills on his face wearing a trinium dress and hilarious trinium slippers. He croaks “You will be punished!” before passing out for real.

* Jack calls the Spirit “him” and then corrects himself to “it”, which is an interesting life choice.

* Ooh, spoopy fake Hammond. God, Don S. Davis was so fucking good. He’s always so uncanny valley when he’s being a not!Hammond.

* Ooh, cool. They’re making the face-gills move while the Spirits talk in their default form. I think it’s CGI, but it looks pretty damn good.

* Daniel just saw General Hammond shapeshift into a Spirit and back again, so now he knows what’s up. Is Tanani also a Spirit, or a real human?

* “Daniel.” “Jack. Are you you?” “Yeah. You?” “What?” God, Daniel’s a cutie.

* SG-1 decide that their best option is to tell the truth to the Spirits or the elders or whoever will listen, and it comes down to Daniel negotiating, because Daniel. Man, they’re all so *good*.

* “How do I know you’re really Daniel?” “...Because!” “Yeah, okay.” goddddddd i love these idiots

* So the zat blast... shorted out the Spirit dude, or something, and the others have to heal him.

* Okay, yeah, that’s definitely CGI-enhanced face-gills. Well done, though.

* Awww! That worked out... better than expected. Jack suggests the Spirits bury their Gate so that the NID etc can’t send anyone through to steal the trinium, and then there’s... really quite a neat exchange where the Spirits are mad about having their real forms revealed to Tanani but Jack and Daniel argue that they should actually trust the people they’re protecting from the Goa’uld. It’s not perfect, but it’s not nearly as cringey as I expected.

* Rick’s weird not-salute there is so amazing. Man, I have Thoughts about... stuff, but they’re still percolating.

* Wait, the Salish elders here were played by actual Salish chiefs? Holy fuck. I did *not* see that one coming. :D

[fanficwriter013]

Hungover - Part 1

Pairing: Bruce Banner x Reader

Summary: Reader is a scientist that comes to work for G-Tech, and is tasked with fixing the Bruce slash Hulk divide. Can it be done?

Word Count: 2125

Warnings: Slight AU, set sometime after Avengers Age of Ultron. Nothing really. Oh a cliffhanger.

Author’s Note: Done for the fabulous’s @anaboo96 ‘s 1k writing challenge. Congrats, boo.

Parts: Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 /

You never dreamed that you would meet the Avengers. You were just a neuroscientist, working in a small lab in the middle of next to nowhere. You also never dreamed that G-tech, the lab run by Bruce Banner funded by Tony Stark would try and recruit you. It was an opportunity that you just couldn't turn down.

That's how you found yourself in the lobby of the Avengers Tower. Where security was putting you through the ringer before they'd let you into the building. As if they hadn't already done a series of intensive interviews even though they had approached you. You weren't quite sure but you thought someone was watching you. You could feel the heavy gaze, but when you tried to pinpoint the source there were no obvious options. You did your best to shake it off as security took your fingerprints, photocopies of your license and other things.

When the security guard was through with you, they looked behind you gesturing to someone. A tall, professional looking redhead came over. She gave you a smile, before starting for the elevators.

“I’m Virginia Potts, but you can call me Pepper. Let me take you to the lab, and we can get you started.” She said, as the elevator doors closed and it started to move. But she hadn't touched any buttons, and in fact, when you looked for floor buttons there weren't any. She must have caught your questioning stare because she chuckled.

“The whole building is run by Mister Stark’s AI FRIDAY. She'll take you where you need to go.” Pepper said as the elevator came to a stop. She's moving the second the doors are open.

“This is where G-tech is lives. Everything you need will be on this floor.” She says as she walks down the hall. You're a little awestruck as you look through the windows into specular little labs. Each better than the last, and with more equipment than you'd had at your old job.

“Each one of you gets your own projects and a separate space. There are weekly meetings, as a group and one on one to discuss progress and the other fine details.” Pepper says as she pushes open a door and gestures you inside.

“And this would be your lab.” She says as you take in the room. You've got all the equipment your little heart could ever desire for the projects that you had been working on. You could only imagine the kinds of projects you could undertake now with your new fancy lab.

“For today, you're just going to be getting yourself acquainted with the lab. Maybe reorganize it if you need a different layout. Doctor Banner will be in later to introduce himself properly and give you your assignments.” Pepper says, gesturing around the room.

“Welcome to G-Tech, and ask for FRIDAY if you need anything.” She says as she saunters out of the room. No doubt that she has other important things to do today.

For a while, you just kind of sit and stare at the room. Trying to wrap your head around the fact that all this is yours. You actually have to place your hand down on the glass top workbench to anchor yourself.

“Biometric scan recognized. Welcome (Y/N) (Y/L/N).” It's an Irish woman's voice speaking in a cool, even tone. The bench makes a soft, almost soothing, series of beeps as the glass displays some sort of computer screen.

You read over the display, tapping on a file that had been labeled with the title of your research project. All of your research scatters out along the bench in front of your eyes, the MRIs and other assorted scans you had taken, pop up floating over the table in hologram form. You reach out to touch it, and it spins in your hand.

“Little overwhelming, isn't it?” A voice asks from the doorway, you turn to see Dr. Banner leaning against the wall just inside your lab. You nod, not sure if you could trust your voice not to sound star struck in the moment.

“Tony goes a little overboard. It's all done with love. Still took me three months to get used to my own lab. And then having a staff, that was even longer.” He says, stepping closer towards you and offering his hand.

“Bruce Banner, nice to officially meet you.” He says, and you take his hand and shake it.

“It's nice to officially meet you too, Doctor Banner.” You say, and he steps back tapping the scan closest to him and it moves through the different views.

“Please call me Bruce. Everyone else does. We're very informal here.” He says, stopping the scan at a certain view and spinning it.

“Your research has promise for some pretty selfish reasons. Long story short, I think there is a way within your research to reverse my.” He waves his hand around his head. “Predicament. I've loaded my own brain scans into your station. That's your primary project, but you'll get other projects as I see fit, and that fit your particular skill set.” Bruce says, and you try your best not to react. You're actually quite curious about what his brain would look like with the presence of Hulk, and if that would have affected any of his brain tomography.

“Doctor Banner, if I require follow up scans or blood tests should I use FRIDAY to order them, or.” You trail off, not sure of what the boundaries are. He shakes his head.

“No need, I'll be keeping a close eye on this case. Anything you need you ask me directly. And it's alright to call me Bruce, really. But if you're uncomfortable with that.” It's his turn to trail off. You give him a smile, as he turns to leave.

“Welcome and enjoy your first day.” He says as he heads out of the room. You look down at your benchtop, closing out your research to find a file labeled “B. Banner.” You tap it and quickly get lost in Bruce's brain.

You're vaguely aware of the passing of time, but you have a habit of becoming immersed in your work. Your old coworkers would see how many things they could stack around your workstation, or actually throw them at you before you noticed. The record had been 6 mugs, and three paper airplanes thrown at you.

It's not until there's a loud, pounding knock at the door do you fully come back. You turn to see Bruce standing in the doorway, with one Tony Stark behind him with his head in his phone.

“Do you know what time it is?” Bruce asks, and you shake your head. “It's a little after 6, we don't really have regular hours here. But FRIDAY says you haven't left the lab all day.” His tone has an edge to it like he is torn between being disappointed and impressed.

“Sorry, I just get so caught up in the work. Everything else just falls away.” You say, as your stomach growls loudly. So loud that it makes Tony look up from his phone. He scrutinizes you for a moment before going back to his screen.

“We were just heading out for our weekly Shawarma if you wanted to come with us,” Bruce says, and Tony’s finger pause over his screen for just a moment. You take that as an indicator that you're not welcome.

“Thank you for the offer, Doctor Banner. But I politely decline. I'll see you tomorrow.” You say as you turn back to the models scattered about. You want to finish typing out a few more notes before leaving.

“Don't stay too much longer, and there is a cafeteria in the building. For those days when you don't want to leave the building.” Bruce says, and you give a nod.

“Thank you, Doctor Banner. I'll keep it in mind.” You say, and for a split second, you think you see Tony smirk. Bruce gives you a warm smile before the two of them leave.

You find yourself lost again in your notes and analysis. It's only the preliminary stages but there's so much that you can already see. The possibility of what you're supposed to be doing excites you. The applications of it for the future are almost endless.

You're rather abruptly brought back to the real world when you benchtop turns off, and the room goes dark. You look up and survey the room before there's a chuckle at the door.

“Lab automatically turns off at 9. I did warn you not to stay much longer.” Bruce says, and your groan.

“I was this close to having your brain fully mapped out. That's the first step to this project. And then the real fun can begin. You were bound to find out eventually if you didn't already know. I work pretty hard, tend to lose the world around me.” You say, moving to gather your things.

“I appreciate your tenacity. Especially because of what I'm asking here,” Bruce says, and you turn to look at him.

“You don't have to explain yourself, I work for you. But just a quick warning. These scans are more revealing than a lot of people realize.” You say, sweeping your hand back to your bench.

“I'm aware of the risks of asking you to look at this given your specialty,” Bruce says, as you shrug on your backpack and move out into the hallway.

“Well feel free to ask those questions that you think would invade my privacy. Just to even the playing field.” You tell him, making your way down the hallway. For a split second, you think you can see a shade of green in his eyes as a mass of emotions quickly waver over his face.

“We do extensive background checks. So chances are, I probably know a lot more than I should already. But I'll keep it in mind. Good night, (Y/N).” Bruce says, shifting his body weight a little uncomfortably, almost in a squirrelly manner. You give him a soft smile.

“Good night, Doctor Banner. I'll see you tomorrow.” You call over your shoulder as you get into the waiting elevator.

This becomes a pattern between the two of you. A routine that you can count on. You start work ridiculously early and stay until the lab turns itself off. Bruce would be there to walk you out, and he'd also taken it upon himself to make sure that you ate at least something small sometime around lunch.

You were making phenomenal progress towards a potential cure, or if not a cure a solution for what Bruce considered to be a problem.

“You know, your brain is different from the other brains that I've looked at that have been diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder. Like this part here normally has diminished functions.” You were mostly musing aloud to yourself. Certain parts of the scans weren't adding up to you. It wasn't a cut and dry case here.

“Do you think it has something to do with the gamma radiation or do you think that's all him?” Bruce asks, flipping the model open above your benchtop. You shake your head.

“I'm not positive what it means. But I have an inkling. I'd like to get a functional MRI. See what happens.” You say, deciding that asking for scans of his brain when he's physically the Hulk was too much for one day.

“Have FRIDAY set it up,” Bruce says, he sounds almost disappointed. Like he thought you would have been able to cure him by now. But as you see it, with the brain scans and the minor details you'd been able to extrapolate and extract from the man himself. His big green other half wasn't a problem. And you thought that maybe, just maybe, the second Bruce could learn to accept himself the way he was that it'd be able to put his mind at ease. That maybe Bruce's hostility towards his other side was causing some of the issues.

“I have a meeting with Tony to go over his project. Don't forget that the world exists.” Bruce says, and you give him a nod before losing yourself back to the work.

The next thing you're aware of is the lab shutting off, but it feels too early. You look around and realize that there's flashing red lights, and a siren blaring.

“Code Green. Repeat, we have a Code Green.” FRIDAY says, “please shelter in place. Code Green in sector 34.” She finishes out, sector 34 is this lab floor. That means Hulk is here. You get up from the bench, determined to go meet the Hulk.

Part 2

[dreamscapers-syndrome]

Tldr:

Yesterday I had to go to the urgent care because the pain I was experiencing was lasting longer and much, much more intense than the other times I had it.

They ended up doing a CT scan, blood work, and taking a urine sample.

CT scan found a calcified gallstone, and the blood work showed elevated white blood cell count. So they sent me to an ER for further examination.

ER performed an ultrasound. It showed many more gallstones. Like, 10-12 of them. None are in the duct, and since I was able to eat a snack fine they discharged me and prescribed a painkiller and nausea med.

So I'm going to have to have surgery to remove my gallbladder. Making an appointment on Monday with the surgeon.

---

The pain I experienced yesterday morning (and middle of the night before waking up) was an intense/sharp/gripping pain right at the bottom of my sternum and radiating out. My hand laying flat on the area covered where I felt the pain. I woke up around 7 am with it (and my back pain) and it continued for at least 5 hours (dulling between 1-2 pm). However because it was so intense (I'd rate it a 5-6 on the pain scale) and no matter how I sat, played down, stood, eating a snack, didn't ease it at all, after 3 hours I finally made the decision to go to an urgent care. I got there around 11 am and a nurse did the intake and asked about what was going on, even took an EKG (which came back normal). The doctor came in and after talking and more assessment, gave me a shot of a painkiller (don't remember the name) and that didn't do anything. Around noon I started having some nausea, but nothing besides a slight feeling. I went for a CT scan and lab work. And because I was in so much pain, it didn't even occur to me that the contrast fluid could affect blood work (the nurses were confused as well when I took this paper the technician handed me to them). Anyways it's like 1 pm now, so I manage to focus on simple tasks on my phone until the scan (between 2:11-2:30 pm). Then because of the contrast I had to wait 2 more hours for the blood work. Which meant that the urgent care part that sent me over was wondering where I was because I was gone for hours. And my blood work was marked STAT and that was a mess. But once it was done I went back to the urgent care and the doctor came in and told me what the CT scan found and talked about what could happen next. A calcified gallstone, and that both my gallbladder and stomach are distended. Since my white blood count came back high, they sent me to the ER for further evaluation, telling me that depending on what they find, I may have to go to immediate surgery. I also got a paper copy of what all they did at the urgent care and the results (which helped a lot while in the ER). I got to the ER around 7 pm and waited maybe an hour after admission before being taken back to a room. They performed an ultrasound on the area, found more gallstones (I asked to look because it's cool, there's like a mass in there, looks like a fungi). Also a lady helped me get temporary medicaid that I can finish the application for later, so that's a huge relief on some money worries. It was also super great to be on an actual bed. The doctor talked to the surgeon on hand as well about options for me. They determined that if I can eat a snack alright (without severe pain) that I would be discharged for the weekend and that I'd need to look out for worsening symptoms or jaundice. And as much as I loved the bed, I'm glad that I was able to be discharged after eating a good snack after not having eaten all day. I left the ER and got home right at 11 pm. So I had a long ass stressful day yesterday.

---

Today I still felt discomfort and pain in the region where the pain had dulled down too (under my right rib cage next to where it was before). The painkiller has helped that as well. Also glad I haven't had any nausea. Also got some fruit and some food for my new diet I have to somehow figure out. I've never actually had any reason to look at the nutrition label before. Low-fat foods and meals. I think the only thing I found that had less than 3g of fat per serving was the cereal I got (fat-free milk is an outlier and not counted). So if anyone has any recommendations for low-fat food... Or an easy way to keep track of fat intake... On a budget, I am currently not making any money.