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the-hate-keeps-me-warm · 3 years

Text

kisses and cuddles

wooooooooo time for some more fluffy shit yall i loved making this so much this sorta relted to my weed garden fic but you dont need to read it (be cool tho)

Ruby was sitting in the cafeteria with Oscar and penny she was too tired to pay attention to what the two were talking about penny sitting across from her and Oscar was excitedly talking about something while Oscar liens looking interested she’s unsure how he’s so put together they were both up late hanging out dreading comics and it’s only 7 am she leaned on Oscar and closed her eyes hoping to get a little more sleep before She had to do missions she had a relatively short one today only a search and destroy so maybe she could get home fast and take a nap Oscar nudged her shoulder and she lifted her head “hey don’t fall asleep if you don’t eat you’ll be grumpy” he says she fakes a pout and starts eating the gross cafeteria food she assumed that atlas food would be good sense it’s so many rich folks but no she’s actually had better tasting mres or maybe she was just getting spoiled eating Oscar and rens cooking “ruby why are you so tired did you have trouble sleeping” penny says drawing circles on the table with her finger “no me and Oscar were up late last night and I only slept like three hours“ penny frowns “while I am happy you and Oscar are spending time together you require at least 6 hours of sleep for maximum field efficiency” ruby just nods “so why don’t you seem tired Oscar you couldn’t of slept anymore than I did” she says with a yawn he shrugs and says “I guess I’m used to it I had to wake up early back home so I always didn’t get a bunch of sleep” penny raises a finger “actually according to my scans Oscars brain is only running at 89% efficiency and his hear rate is faster from his normal 48 beats per minute to to 51 it is likely that he simply better at hiding his tiredness” Oscar slumps “penny do have everyone’s heart rates memorized” he says exasperated “yes I also have all of your medical charts on file and criminal records why” he raises a brow “criminal record?” Penny nods “yes several of your team have criminal records qrow having the longest with 22 counts of public intoxication as well as 3 of public indecency and” ruby raises her hands “trust me you don’t wanna know the rest they had to make a new law for one of the things he did but who else has charges?” she tries to wake herself with conversation and it sorta works she also learns some new and unsettling things about her friends but eventually breakfast ends and she starts to get her gear ready she’s loading rounds into one of crescent roses magazine when someone knocks on the door to her locker room “it’s open” she calls out and incomes Oscar he’s holding a small Tupperware box and a small metal tumbler “hey I wanted to give this to you before you go” he says with a sheepish grin he sets the box next to her and hands her the tumbler it’s warm and smells good “it’s coffee, don’t worry I added way too much sugar for you and the other thing is a surprise you said you don’t eat a lot on missions so I made it for you it’s a bit of an experiment so tell me if it’s bad” she’s grinning ear to ear and stands up from her weapon bench and hugs him “you are the best and I’m sure it’ll be great” she gives him a kiss on the cheek she’s been slowly trying to work her way up to kissing him on the lips but nose and cheek kisses were enough for her he smiles and his cheeks get all rosey and he hugs her back and says “be careful ok sorry I know you can take care of yourself but just you know“ she squeezes him a little “yeah don’t worry I know I’ll be careful and when I get back we are so taking a nap mister I’m not that tired” he giggles and looks up at her with a smile “you won’t hear me complain and uh before you go could I uh kiss you like um on the lips” he says nervously she leans down pressing her forehead to his and smiles she smells his breath it smells like chocolate and coffee she feels her cheeks heat up to match his and says “I’ve been wanting to do that for a while now are you sure you want to ” he nods his head wordlessly she takes his hand and gently presses her lips to his its short and maybe a little clumsy but it makes her heart soar when she breaks the kiss Oscars breath shakes slightly and a little panic starts to fill her did she mess it up did he hate it and then he smiles and it all fades away “that was really nice” he says rubbing her knuckle with his thumb then there’s a knock on the door frame she looks up and weiss and Blake are standing there weiss looks annoyed and Blake is grinning “time to go ruby morning Oscar” wiess says already turning to walk away ruby quickly gathers crescent rose and Oscars gifts and says “bye Oscar I’ll be careful byeee” and dashed out the door behind the others Blake nudges her shoulder “your lucky I made weiss wait ,god you two are adorable” ruby squeaks “will you stop spying on us” “we weren’t spying you two dolts left the door open” weiss says annoyed

The mission was boring as she thought it was gonna be how normal soldiers couldn’t handle this she’ll never know on the airship ride home she opens the box Oscar gave to her a note on top says “have a great day and stay safe” she smiles at the note and sticks it in her ammo pocket it looks like a brownie is some kind and yang leans over and says “where did you get that”

“Oscar made it for me” she says taking it out of the container it smells like a peanut butter protein bar “ooo come on share with me pleassss” yang says putting her hands together “ugh your lucky I’m a good sister” she breaks off a small piece and hands it to yang and takes a bite of her own and it’s amazing it Taste like a peanut butter brownie but somehow better it’s somehow not dried out or crumbly yang seems to have a similar opinion “god if you don’t marry Oscar i will his food is too good”yang says with a laugh she kicks yang in the leg “I know right I can barely eat the cafeteria food anymore” her and yang chat a bit about food until they finally land Oscar is standing on the landing pad waiting for her she bounce on her heels excitedly despite how tired she is when the door finally opens she rushes out to hug him “how did it go” he asks wrapping his arms around her shoulders “oh it was easy but soooo boring I don’t know why they asked us to do it” she says leaning into him he chuckles “well I’m glad it wasn’t dangerous at least did you like it” he asks sheepishly she puts her head on his “yeees brothers it was great what was it” he unwraps his arms and looks at her “there’s no name for it yet but it’s kinda like a protein brownie was it too grainy or anything what about the after taste” he asks “I didn't even realize it was supposed to be healthy” she puts her hands on his shoulders “Oscar I’m gonna need more of that” he smiles “happy to make some more tonight” he says proudly yang walks past and ruffles his hair “make sure to make enough for me too kiddo” and walks off “how about that nap ruby my teams still on mission so we should have some time” he says taking her hand “yes please”

They walk back to team alpns dorm room after ruby changes into something more casual Oscar was already wearing his normal clothing he sits on his bed and smiles “I’m gonna get to have two naps today” she sits down next to him and throws her arm around him "you and your team sure like your naps huh" he smiles as they lie back on his bed "honestly who doesn't like naps I never use to be a huge cuddler but it’s nice to have someone close to you, you know” they lie back Oscar resting his head on rubies shoulder “well I do wish my team took naps together sometimes yang is a big cuddler too but Weiss doesn’t like being warm and Blake can’t sit still even so less than you” he snorts as he takes her hand running his thumbs along her knuckles “well I’m sure the others wouldn’t mind you joining our naps if have to ask but i'll warn you ren sits up in his sleep Jaune snores and i talk in my sleep” she raises an eyebrow “you didn't last time” she says “that's cause we were smoking but if i take a nap or if im really tired you can actually talk and I'll talk back” she grins “well what do you talk about” he rests his head on her chest “usually about my aunt or all yall but Nora has told me i say lots of stuff about you if i'm asked” he says his cheeks getting just a tiny bit rosy she grins and plants a kiss on his nose “well i hope i get the chance to ask but i'll probably fall asleep first im super tired” she rolls over and wraps herself around him oscar adjusting to lay on her arm pulling a blanket over them "well if you can get me to talk I'll answer any question just nothing to embarrassing please" he says “i would like to know what you have to say tho so maybe i'll try to hold out just a bit longer” she says closing her eyes as oscar lets out his relaxed sigh about half of Oscars communication was nonverbal she liked to mentally catalog the things he does when he relaxes he lets out a long almost high pitched sigh it makes her happy to hear that and it helps her relax her thoughts starts to get fuzzy as sleep takes her she wakes up a few hours later laying on her back oscar laying on top of her them both having wrapped around each other she hears quiet murmurs coming from him to quiet to understand "Oscar are you still asleep" she whispers no response "Oscar are you comfy" he nods his head "of course I'm comfy I'm cuddling with ruby" she snickers he was definitely still asleep "who's the coolest person you know" she she's "ruby for sure she's so good at fighting and everyone trusts her I wish I was more like her" she runs her hand through his hair "how do you feel about ruby " she asked "I'm in love with her she makes me feel strong and weak at the same time when she's with me I feel like I'm safe and that we could do anything together i want to be with her forever" she's crying now "oh shit I didn't expect him to be that honest" she thinks as tears run down her face "I love you too Oscar" she kisses the top of his head “you know i never used to want like romantic stuff and all the fluffy garbage i just wanted to be a huntress and fight grim stuff like that but you make me want that stuff i wanna take you on dates and like hold your hand and stuff there are a bunch of things i wanna do like” she pauses resting her head on his “i forgot you were asleep for a second i'm starting to embarrass myself i do love you tho i dont know when your supposed to say that we've only been i guess dating for what 2 and a half weeks my dad always joked that huntsmen relationships move really fast nothing like holy shit we might die to move a relationship forward right but you make me feel like i don't know amazing and I love being with you you make all my worries disappear even if it's only for a little bit and i'm rambling and your not talking back” oscar lifts his head “its cause im awake and i love it when you ramble” she feels her face light on fire “w-what when did you wake up” he hums happily “around we might die i think it was nice that stuff you said you can ramble longer if you want what that new gun you saw in that magazine” she smiles “it's a roller delayed blowback sniper rifle its a smaller caliber than crescent rose but it has a longer effective range because of the way the bore is shaped i prefer bolt actions to semi automatics for a long range rifle semi autos have there merits and stuff it's a lot lighter than crescent rose as well on account of it not also being a giant scythe you know i was thinking about carrying a pistol too crescent rose is great but shes heavy and she's also really hard to conceal even when shes folded speaking of i need to clean her gears a bunch of dust got in them today you said you wanted to learn weapon maintenance i could teach you today if you want” “sure i can learn there's a lot of things oz knows but it's like a big library without a librarian its all jumbled up” she scratches the back of his neck “well i do not understand the dewey decimal system but i'm happy to help” they both giggle at her joke ruby keeps rambling until the rest of team alpn return

Oscar is walking ruby back to her dorm they come to her door and they turn to face each other and oscar rubs his hands together “so ruby uh I got permission with ironwood to leave school grounds as long as someone's with me so I was wondering if you’d like to maybe go out like on a date” she smiles and puts her arms around his shoulders “sounds amazing sweetie I’m free this weekend where do you want to go” he blushes and says “well I actually have something in mind but I wanna keep it a surprise if that’s ok” she kisses him on the cheek “of course casual clothes or should i dress nice” he shakes his head “i mean it's really up to you but were not going somewhere fancy just a place I think you'll like" she smiles and kisses his nose and he leans up a little so there lips are level "can i kiss you again" he asks just above a whisper her pressing her lips gently against his is her answer they hold the kiss for a few moments Oscars hands drifting to ruby's waist when they separate she says "i think we're getting pretty good at that" Oscar smiles avoiding her eyes "yeah um It's certainly enjoyable" they break the hug "I'll see you in the morning I'll make that stuff you like ok" he says "yes awesome you're the best Oscar good night" she says as she slips into her from her teammates giving her knowing smirks

#rwby #rosegarden #ruby rose #oscar pine #there simps your honor #im a sucker for this shit so yall get to read my self indulgent word vomit #weedgarden #expanded universe #am i a good writer no can i write fluffy shit yes #after weed garden ive wrote like three seperate fics #next one will have angst #but it gets fluffy dont worry #im not evil

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kbstories · 3 years

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habits

(Or: Bakugou is a little shit and a dork. 1-A gets used to it.)

Read on: AO3 / Twitter

One lesser known truth about Bakugou Katsuki is that he's an unrepentant thief of snacks.

Class 1-A is blissfully unaware of this habit all the way up to their move to Heights Alliance. There, they not only share living space, but every meal of the day as well — a status quo that revealed many a peculiar fun fact about most classmates, really.

Bakugou's first victim by sheer proximity is Kirishima. They're hanging out outside after a weekend session at the gym, drinking their electrolytes and talking about the pros and cons of different brands of protein bars. Well, Kirishima is, at least.

Bakugou is huffing, saying, "It's all bullshit", as he gives the one Kirishima is currently eating the side-eye. "The food industry is one big scam, really. Learn to cook your own stuff and you won't need processed anything."

"Okay", goes Kirishima, long used to debating him on anything from hero rankings to the weather. "But consider this: I burn anything I cook. Anything, dude."

"That's factually impossible."

"...I burned water trying to make ramen once?"

"Shitty Hair. Water doesn’t— How the fuck?“

Kirishima laughs, waving the half-eaten protein bar around. "I don't know, but there was smoke, I swear! I set off the fire alarm and everything, my moms were so done. Life-long kitchen ban in my own home, that's me."

Bakugou groans a disgusted eugh sound. "Fucking understandable."

When it only makes Kirishima smile all the wider, Bakugou pushes at his shoulder, a shove too rough to count as affectionate by anyone's standards but Bakugou's.

"Fine. Normal people shouldn't eat protein bars. You shouldn't either, but you'd starve without 'em, apparently."

"Or, you could, y’know, cook for m—"

Another shove, enough to push a still-laughing Kirishima over. "Keep trying, dickhead. Pshh, cooking for you. In your dreams, maybe."

Kirishima hums and says nothing, his idle sip of sports drink interrupted by Bakugou pulling him to his feet.

"Who cares, c'mon. Don't think for a second I forgot about Thirteen's assignment."

A sputtering gasp from Kirishima. "Thirteen gave us an assignment?!“

"...Kirishima."

"Wait, no, listen. Why do physics have to, like, exist?", is Kirishima's brilliant argument. Nailed it.

Bakugou just stares. Then he snorts, "Fucking hell", shakes his head. "Whatever, I'm gonna make lunch and you're gonna do your damn homework. Maybe I'll let you have some. There's a faint chance. Very faint."

"Bro", Kirishima looks at him in wonder. "What about this, though?“

The glance Bakugou gives Kirishima's protein bar is downright offended if a little confused, too. "What about it?"

"Yeah, you're right. I'll just throw it awa—"

Bakugou moves so fast, all Kirishima sees is a blond blur.

Suddenly, the hand holding the snack is empty and Bakugou is chewing, having snatched the thing up with his teeth and devoured it like a beast from myths and legends.

"Problem solved, we're going. Huh, these don't even taste that shitty.“

Kirishima is too stunned to resist.

The Bakusquad is next in line when it comes to Bakugou's food-related crimes. Specifically, the croissant Kaminari is enthusiastically gesturing with to emphasize the point that yes, sneaking off campus for one (1) French pastry was definitely worth risking Aizawa's wrath over.

"It's perfectly baked. Look at its impeccable shape", Kaminari holds it up to his circle of friends like its his first-born child, "and the crust! It's so fluffy. I've been craving one all freaking week. This is gonna be so—"

Chomp.

Before Kirishima can even attempt to stop the tragedy waiting to happen, Bakugou has wandered back from his room, a stack of books under one arm and Kaminari's prized croissant in his mouth. The books are slammed on the table.

"Less talking, more studying", Bakugou snarks, somehow without getting crumbs of the stolen treat on anything. "Where'd ya get this from, anyway? S'good."

Kaminari’s jaw is on the floor, shell-shocked. "My… My croissant..."

"Sorry, bro", Kirishima sighs and pats his back. "He's just too damn quick."

The words are said with a look towards Bakugou, the that-wasn't-nice-man kind. Bakugou wrinkles his nose at him. (The very next day, an identical croissant shows up on Kaminari's plate during lunch break.)

Weeks fly by. By then, most of 1-A has been caught unawares by Bakugou's sneaky ways exactly once. They're training to be Heroes, after all — there's no way he'd get the drop on them again, at least not as easily.

Bakugou seems to be aware of this.

It doesn't stop him from snatching away Tokoyami's apple during movie night, smirking at both him and Dark Shadow with near-obnoxious levels of smugness. Tokoyami stares him dead in the eye while he grabs another one, one feathery brow raised in challenge.

Aoyama's handpicked brie is next, the guy's offended swearing almost as colorful as Bakugou's on his worst days. Bakugou outright cackles at that, obviously delighted by the prospect of someone else being subjected to Iida's no-cursing lecture for once, foreign language or no.

Speaking of Iida: It's his unopened cup of chocolate pudding Bakugou is eyeing like a cat does an especially oblivious mouse.

"Dooon't", Kirishima warns, hand hardened and ready to make a grab if needed. "I swear to Crimson Riot. Let the poor man have his pudding, or else."

"What has Iida even done to you, bro?", adds Kaminari, sliding his food tray into his usual spot across from them. "Like, I get it, I've pranked you enough times to owe you twenty croissants. And you're carrying Kirishima's entire academic career, so targeting him is valid, too."

"Hey! ...That's fair, actually. Carry on."

Kaminari winks at him. It's not like it's any different for him. "Iida, however, is wholesome, and—"

"Guys, you're making a great point and all that“, Ashido contributes over her bowl of natto. "But he's already gone."

Kirishima's head whips around. Indeed: No Bakugou. "No!"

"How is he this stealthy?!" Kaminari whines. "Bakugou, of all people!"

A few tables over, Iida is currently mid-story and too wrapped up in telling his audience of Momo, Todoroki, Uraraka and Midoriya about his adventures of googling what Aoyama had yelled out in sparkly rage the day before to notice a certain someone approaching.

Bakugou smiles, certain of his victory. Pretending to walk past them, he takes one hand out of his pockets and reaches out—

Only for his arm to be slammed to the table with a loud bang, mere inches from the desired snack.

"Kacchan", Midoriya pipes up casually, eyes still on Iida who — like everyone else at the table — jumped half a foot in the air from the sudden movement. "That's not yours."

Every member of 1-A is blatantly watching as Bakugou, food thief extraordinaire, is stopped in his tracks for the first time since his reign of terror began.

A collective breath is held. Surely, this will lead straight into a showdown of epic proportions in the middle of U.A.'s cafeteria. After all, any interaction between Midoriya and Bakugou tends to end in a shouting match, chaos or even bloodshed. And Bakugou does look intense, glowering at Midoriya as the muscles in his pinned arm bunch up and his palm starts to glow.

Then, he goes tch and rolls his eyes, grumbling: "Let go, Shitty Nerd. Figures you'd be the only one paying fucking attention."

Midoriya smiles and does as asked, pushing his own pudding cup closer to Bakugou right away. A blatant offer that's equally as blatantly ignored, as expected.

The actual food was never the point, after all.

Bakugou huffs off, lips upturned in somewhat of a smile of his own. Not that he'd ever admit to it as he rejoins his own friends, snapping at them to close their mouths and finish their lunch already.

Read on: AO3 / Twitter

#boku no hero academia #my hero academia #BNHA #MHA #bakugou katsuki #BNHA fanfiction #my stuff #bakugou is a weirdo who doesn't know how to socialize pass it on

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medeafive · 4 years

Text

Blood and Stone - 18

Masterpost

"Just give it a few more seconds," Pepper suggests.

Natasha groans, head dropping back against the cold tiles. It's crowded in here, with the IV drip and two people. Little bathroom. Sitting upright is pretty exhausting, not to mention getting there.

"I think there's a line- yes, it's getting stronger," Pepper announces, flipping the cardboard packaging. "And line means- yeah, line means pregnant. So everything as expected."

Natasha doesn't know if she expected it not to show up because it's a vampire baby, or because she still kind of believes this is all a big misunderstanding, or- "Let's get you back to bed, then," Pepper says, putting the pregnancy test back in the box. "Bruce said if you sleep so much, you need to eat almost every waking hour."

She feels like a stuffing goose shoving more and more food down her own throat. "Could you-"

"Sure," Pepper replies, stepping in to help her up, avoiding the IV drip. "Uh, I'll help you with your pants, too, don't bother."

Natasha closes her eyes, just waiting. Her legs are weak. Everyone is always running around her, bringing her stuff, helping her, steadying her. Pampering. If she weren't so weak… "Here," Pepper says, putting an arm around her waist. "Got it?"

She nods quietly, prying her eyes open to the crass light in the bathroom, taking careful steps. Pepper helps along, opening the door for her, dragging the IV with them. They make it back to the lab where Sam and Sharon are waiting. Sam jumps up, taking over from Pepper and leading her the rest of the way to the bed. She can hardly keep herself upright, collapsing onto the sheets.

"Thanks." Pepper sighs, pushing a few bangs out of her face. "Came back positive. As expected."

"Bruce is still asleep, told him I would change the drip," Sam replies. "Nat, do you hear me?"

It's very mushy. "Mhm," she croaks out.

"Made you a protein shake," Sam says. "And brought some candy bars. If you want anything else, just say it."

"Okay," she mutters. "You don't- need to be here. All of you. All the time."

"I just wanna see Steve-" Sharon hesitates. "Maybe I should just go in now. While he's still asleep."

"Uh, he's being fed through a tube," Sam remarks. "Not the prettiest sight."

Sharon snorts. "I don't care. Uh, I'll just go in quietly. Just a minute. I'll get you immediately if he wakes up."

"Careful," Sam advises. "Uh, I'll take a Snickers if you don't mind."

Natasha chuckles, the sound scratching in her throat. "Bastard. Gimme one."

The wrapping rustles. A door closes somewhere. "There," Sam's voice says. "So… we haven't really had the chance to talk."

"About what," Natasha replies, feeling around his hand until her fingers close around the chocolate. "No idea what you're referring to."

Sam, surprisingly, doesn't call her a smartass. "Tony said something to the effect that you don't want the abortion."

She's too exhausted to fight. Hell, she can't even keep her eyes open. "...don't understand, do you."

Sam sighs. "It's not about understanding. I just don't know what my- what the right thing- if you wanted to jump off a roof, I should clearly stop you. Even if you really wanted to jump."

"Jump off a roof," she repeats weakly.

"I don't know if you noticed but you're not doing well," Sam remarks. "And you're very much at the beginning, so it's gonna get a lot worse. So continuing is kind of suici-"

A door opens and closes very quickly. "Shit, shit, shit," Sharon breathes. "I woke him up. Shit."

She can very well imagine the look of exasperation on Sam's face. "I'll take care of it. Can you look after her? Wake up Bruce if her vitals take a dive."

"Yes, sure," Sharon replies quickly. "Sorry. Really."

The door opens and closes. Sharon takes a seat somewhere. There's some sort of struggle next door. "Here," Sam's voice says. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," the strange voice croaks. "Who- who was that dame?"

"Sharon," Sam replies hesitantly. "Listen, the- the war is over, so could we just- I'm Sam."

Silence. "The war is over?"

"Yeah, you missed a lot."

"You said something- I don't remember but it was very upsetting. Uh, Steve. I'm Steve."

"Oh yeah. The year."

"But who won? The war?"

"Oh, the Allied forces. That actually ended quite well. Apart from the Soviet Union."

"Well, that's- what happened with the Soviet Union?"

"Gained control of most of Eastern Europe, including a part of Germany. Installed Communist satellite governments and all. But there was a peaceful revolution a few years ago, so the Communists are not in power anymore. The Nazis are pretty much gone, by the way. Other than- well."

Groaning. "Can I have something to drink before that? Sam?"

"Oh, sure. You're really going to need it."

"...gave her Glucagon but her blood sugar is still low…"

"... like bleeding out…"

"Kofola?"

"...might drop into a coma if we…"

"...cut it out…"

"Her pulse is super fast… weak…"

"Try honey, my mom used to…"

"No time…"

"...shock…"

"15 minutes?"

"Do you have any idea how hard it is…"

"Do it."

"Cut it out."

"All our reserves…"

"... extremely low blood pressure."

"...normal…"

"Just…"

"...the infusion…"

"Then we'll…"

"...can't be sure…"

"...gotta do something… right now…"

"...try…"

"...she's gonna die…"

"...sugar… sweet…"

"...blood… vampire blood…"

"...don't know…"

"...something…"

"...stop…"

"...die…"

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

"I think she just twitched."

"So what? You never twitch?"

"Doesn't mean she's awake."

"How much is that now?"

"Less than a bag. Half a liter maybe."

"And we only have two? Great."

"I mean, we have a lot of vampire blood."

"That's crazy. You have no idea what that would do to her body."

"Kinda do, don't we."

"Ah, yes, I will forever remember when you warned her she'd regrow her uterus ."

"Look, healing is a very fluid concept."

"Nice try."

"What about the ice block?"

"Went back to sleep. Was just trying to explain to him what Vietnam even is."

"Well, what is Vietnam?"

"You never went to that Vietnamese restaurant over in Žižkov? It's really great, you should."

"Maybe Barton should join your lessons."

"Is that still open?"

"Sure. Nothing better than soup after a night on patrol."

"I hate all of you."

"Maybe it's our only option. The vampire blood."

"Yes, let's poison her some more."

"Steve seems to be doing fine!"

"Have you checked his teeth?"

"I think she twitched again."

"I saw nothing."

"Didn't see anything either."

"Oh, now she definitely twitched."

"Maybe she can hear us?"

"I hope she can't hear all of you idiots."

"I'm just glad her blood pressure is going up."

"Yeah, really surprising she has more blood now that we pumped it directly into her veins."

"Shut up."

"Excuse me, I have to explain to Steve who you even are ."

A door slams somewhere above.

"Oh great. Is that…"

"You expect anyone else?"

"Really been looking forward to that."

She hardly hears the steps but the swooshing cloak. "What the fuck are you doing?"

James. That's James' voice. She tries to pry her eyes open just a little. "That's something you should answer. Or rather, what you were doing."

She feels a gush of cold air and the touch of cold firm stone that slowly warms up. "Is she hurt? Was it the raid-"

"Pregnant. She's pregnant."

"She's what ?"

"Oh, now you're surprised ?"

"Hey," she croaks out.

More of the cold touch on her hand. "Oh, Nat. Are you- how do you- how are you?"

"Mhm." Her mouth is too numb to talk but she tries to smile. "Mhm."

"Her blood pressure is very low," Bruce explains. "This thing is basically sucking the blood and the sugar and the nutrients out of her and using that to grow rapidly. I'm afraid she won't be able to handle it much longer."

"Then why haven't you gotten rid of it-"

"Mhm!"

"We haven't decided yet. And we're still waiting for a gynaecologist because I definitely can't do that."

"How is it even possible that-"

"Oh, fuck off. As if you don't know."

"Of course I don't know! How was I supposed to- I'm a fucking vampire, if you haven't noticed."

"Well, certain things seem to be working just fine. Looks like you noticed that."

"Don't get gross, Tony. Well, she had her uterus removed, years ago, so she shouldn't have been able to get pregnant. But it’s back now. Our theory is that the injection of vampire blood somehow reconstructed or regrew it."

"I mean, she's been injecting it for months, on and off. But why that would affect her- it doesn't fix scars either, that's not how vampire blood works."

"Wait, for months?"

"She didn't wanna tell you. To get stronger, to heal faster."

"Wow, you're both the worst."

"But it worked for her? I don't think she had a lot of adverse side effects- apart from the uterus thing. We could really use that now."

"Mhm."

"I think she wants to say something."

"Mhm!"

"Give her something to drink, that should help."

"Is that Coca Cola ?"

"Kofola. Don't ask, it was a longer discussion."

"Has a lot of sugar, though."

"Still disgusting."

"Sweetheart, if you don't like it here, just go home."

"Mhm. Mhm."

"It's for the blood sugar."

Someone helps her lift her back, sit up. Steadies her with a pillow. She opens her mouth tentatively and starts drinking. Her lips and mouth are still numb so she drools a little but she's also quite thirsty. She has no idea what time or day it is. The sugary drink, carbonated, caffeinated, it seems to go to her brain as well, waking her up. She leans back, eyes fluttering open. Very bright. "More?" Sam's vague shape asks, very close.

She shakes her head slowly, blinking. "So when is that other doctor coming?" James' voice asks.

"She's in Italy," Fury says. "Could take a few days."

She gathers her breath and her spit. "No."

They turn to her, still vague silhouettes. "I don't want the-"

Her voice is breaking and she's not sure they even hear her. "I should change the blood bag," Bruce says.

"She's still very pale," Pepper says. "I don't like it."

"James," she whispers. He's sitting at her bedside, holding her hand. He's warmer than her.

"Pulse?" Fury asks.

"Still rather quick," Bruce replies. "I'll put in the second one. And then we'll just have to see."

She tries to squeeze James' hand, weakly. "Yeah, she can't eat all the time," Sam says. "I'm not even sure her stomach can work quick enough."

"This is too much," Sharon whispers. "For her body."

"Well, maybe should have thought about that beforehand," Tony needles.

James hisses at him, all fangs. "As if that was- what do you even want, just help her already."

"Trying," Bruce mutters, somewhere on her left.

"Just take it out," James pleads. "Just, for the love of God, please kill that thing before it kills her. Please."

"James," she whispers, holding onto his hands.

"Yeah, tell her that," Clint advises. "Cause she won't hear it."

"James," she whispers. "Please. No."

"Everyone's crazy here," Tony states.

"Okay, done," Bruce says. "I really don't know about the vampire blood."

"She's barely conscious," Sam remarks. "I'm not sure she can- tell what she wants. If she really understands the situation."

"The situation he got her into," Tony points out. "Let's not forget that."

"Come on, we all know her," Clint says. "She'd never- if she were in her right mind, she'd get rid of that monster instantly."

She digs her nails into James' hand. "Guys!"

"Get out," James demands coldly. "All of you."

Of course, Tony can't keep himself from a final dig. "Isn't that just how we got here-"

"Out," James hisses. "I won't ask again."

"We'll wait outside," Fury says.

Natasha relaxes slightly, slumping back against the pillow. She really can't see well but she feels James' warm hands around hers. "Thank- Thanks."

The door falls shut. "Oh Natalia," James mutters, stroking her cheek. "I'm so sorry."

"Drink," she says.

He takes the bottle and helps her drink. More sugar, more hydration. Maybe it's the blood transfusion but she's beginning to feel a little better, a little clearer. Boy, must she be dirty. "Do I- smell?"

"Honestly," James replies, putting the bottle away. "You smell like you are dying. Without the bleeding."

"But I want it," she whispers.

He sighs. "You maybe want a baby but… this is a monster, a parasite. That's not what you want. I can't give you that."

"You don't know that," she says.

"I can see what it's doing to you," he replies. "Please don't do that to yourself. I care about you, I love you, you're everything to me, please don't let my mistakes kill you."

"Your mistakes?" she repeats. "Don't listen to them. They'll- they'll do everything to blame you."

"I blame me," he replies. "Because I should. I dragged you through way too much even before this."

"I kissed you," she says, trying to get her argument straight. "I slept with you. I wanted to. And now I want- I believe this happened for a reason."

He snorts. "Divine punishment?"

"Before all of this, I wanted-" She takes a deep breath. "A family. I gave that up for… And now I have a baby, and I'm not going to give it up."

"It's not a baby if it sucks the life out of you," James replies. "And I can't give you anything better, I can't give you a family, I'm sorry. I wish you could… maybe, if you had run. But we're here now and… don't let this be the end."

"I might never get another chance," she remarks. "Never. And we have so much vampire blood, Bruce knows so much about- I want to try. Don't throw this away."

"I don't want you to have my-" He sighs, rubbing his thumb over her hand. "I want you to have the baby you wanted before, a human baby. A real baby. Who knows what kind of- what if it's a vampire, it's already sucking your blood. Who knows how it'll turn out. If you ever get to see that at all. I never brought you anything good."

"Don't stop me," she pleads. "Please."

"What if the vampire blood doesn't work like you think it will?" James asks. "Please don't risk that for this thing."

"The doctor won't be here immediately anyway," she whispers, exhausted again. "Try the vampire blood. Make them try. Please."

James sighs. "Anything for you, Natalia. Always."

She tries to smile. "Tell them. And I love you, too."

"Oh God." He jerks back slightly. "Please tell me you're not doing this to have my- offspring, it is not worth having. Who knows how fucked up my genes are-"

"Oh God, you idiot," she breathes. "You're not that bad. But no, not having it for you. Seriously, you thought I'm not in love with you, I was just banging you because I got bored or what-"

"Don't exhaust yourself," James interrupts.

She rolls her eyes, closing them. "I'm glad you're here."

"Wish it were under different circumstances," he says. "I'll let the others back in, if that's okay."

"Mhm." Boy, talking is exhausting her. "Yeah."

He leans forward and pecks her dry lips, his are cold, and then he's suddenly at the door. "Give her the blood transfusion. The vampire blood."

Bruce peeks in. "I can't promise it won't make it worse. Maybe she'll go into cardiac failure-"

"She's dying if you don't do it," James states.

"Oh, yeah, he's the expert," Tony's voice remarks.

"Please do it," she croaks out.

Bruce moves closer to her because her voice is so quiet. "Hm?"

"Do it," she whispers again. "I know- know- what it does."

"If she's really been taking it for months, she knows better than anyone," Sharon argues. "I'd say give her a small dosis."

"But maybe a small dosis is not enough," Pepper remarks. "How much did you give her for the black cloak?"

"The ratio between human blood and vampire blood was much different then."

"Oh, come on, weren't we going to pump the ice block full of it?"

"Yeah, but he was frozen ."

"We gave her about 200ml. But not at once."

"Just give her something already."

"But how much is something ?"

"Try a hundred."

"So she was basically juicing-"

"I don't think it will negatively impact her. The foetus…"

"That you wanted to abort against her will minutes ago."

"Yeah, honestly, if it kills that thing or slows its growth, that's not the worst thing."

"And if it supercharges it?"

"Do it," Fury's voice interrupts. "Or do you want to stand here while she's wasting away?"

"So a hundred milliliter-"

"Here's a syringe."

"Inject it straight away."

"It might conflict with the blood transfusion-"

"Brucey, now is a really bad time to play through all the doom scenarios."

There's some more indistinct talking and then the needle sinks into her arm. She's too numb to really feel it.

"Seems okay."

"Nobody said she was going to spontaneously combust."

"If it goes really wrong, we might have to amputate the arm-"

"Bruce, calm down, you're driving everyone else crazy."

"It's going to be okay."

She's beginning to feel the emptiness in her left arm that she recognizes. It's never spectacular. "Alright," Fury states. "Putting that aside-"

"Putting that aside ?" James repeats.

"Why, you wanna talk about it?" Fury asks drily.

"...No."

"Didn't think so. What is the status on the black cloaks that were going to come here every day now?"

"Wow, I really forgot about that."

"I went to the Castle and- pretended to be really surprised hearing what happened to Pierce and- they haven't heard from Schmidt yet. So I told him I could find her and hunt her down and that she probably left town. Was going to ask her to stay in… guess that's not an issue. Anyway, Rumlow sent another messenger to Schmidt, maybe that will buy us more time."

"And he believed you," Fury questions.

"Lying comes really natural to you, doesn't it," Clint remarks sourly.

"Seriously," James hisses. "You wanna do that now ?"

"Boys, calm down."

"So neither of you should be seen around town?"

"Rumlow doesn't really care. But no one knows what Schmidt is going to do."

"Well, Nat's definitely staying in."

"So you could go back? Cover intact?"

"Why would I go back ?"

"Find out what Schmidt's planning. When the messenger comes back."

"I can't do this forever."

"But how long? That's the point..."

"...already dead, so there's no hurry…"

"...might be really mad…"

"...certainly understand.."

"...looking for her…"

"...really said…"

"...kill her?"

Something starts beeping.

"Oh-oh."

#blood and stone #buckynat #natasha romanoff #black widow #bucky barnes #winter soldier #vampire au #fanfic #my writing

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seblos · 4 years

Text

there’s not a star in heaven that we can’t reach - ch 7/10

chapter title: honey, not today of all days

word count: 8,826

read on ao3

It’s the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, their last rehearsal before break, and Carlos is using any excuse he has to go talk to Seb.

Homecoming had definitely been a big step in their potential relationship, but ever since the forest of trees incident, he’s felt more drawn than ever to be near Seb at all times. Whether it was the hug, or the text Seb had sent him that day, or his hand on Carlos’s knee in Big Red’s basement, he knew now more than ever he wanted this to be something— that he was ready for it to be something.

The idea of them being in this blissful era and then possibly not seeing the boy for a whole 4 days is painful to Carlos. So, throughout the rehearsal, he’s taken every opportunity he can to go stand near the piano. Every time he does, Seb gives him this smile like he’s pleasantly surprised every time whether or not he was expecting it, and it makes Carlos’s chest explode from the inside.

Carlos was standing there now, pretending to check his choreography notes with the music that Seb has. (He knows the show choreo back to front, and Seb probably knows that too, but neither of them says anything as Carlos keeps one hand on Seb’s shoulder.)

Every once in awhile as Miss Jenn sets up the blocking for the opening song, she’ll turn and ask Carlos for his opinion on something. It always elicits a general “yeah, sure” response from him. No matter what his opinion is, Miss Jenn will most likely do it, and Carlos isn’t exactly in the mood to put up a full argument about it when he can stay here and talk to Seb for the time being. Even when the song starts, he still lingers over there for a bit before retreating back to Miss Jenn for the last few bars.

When he finally sits back down next to Miss Jenn as Ricky and Nini rehearse ‘Start of Something New’, though, he notices a few changes in the choreography. Apparently, the things he accidentally agreed to were some extra props and choreo that... aren’t exactly necessary for this particular song. Oh well. After a couple months of rehearsal, Carlos knows that Miss Jenn will decide in a week that she doesn’t like it and take it out. (By this point he’ll just be happy if they get the show together in time for opening night.)

He marks down some things to discuss with Miss Jenn about removing. (Seriously, he doesn’t think they need cardboard pieces with the song title. There’s a pretty small chance that the audience won’t know the song.) At least the vocals sound good.

Not even halfway through the song, though, the bell signifying the end of all extracurriculars cuts through and interrupts rehearsal. Usually, they’re able to run on for however long necessary, but because of the break, they’re required to have everyone out of the building at a certain time before they can close it down for the long weekend.

A “Yes! Yes! WHOO!” accompanies the blaring of the bell as EJ stands up from the benches, speaking for the first time since the start of rehearsal. He looks around after a moment once he realizes everyone is staring at him.

“Sorry, I really love Thanksgiving,” he admits, sitting back down. A few people laugh, including Carlos, but he wonders if anyone else is thinking that maybe he just did it to stop whatever was happening between Nini and Ricky during that duet. The two of them had been staring and smiling at each other the entire time even with the whirlwind of props and choreography going on around them.

“Okay, hold on!” Miss Jenn says over the chatter as the cast begins to pack up their belongings for the break. She stands up, and Carlos follows her to the center of the room.

“I know everyone is excited for the holiday break, but I’m me, and I have notes,” she continues. “Ricky and Nini— that was good. But it could be better.”

Carlos glances over at her. Out of all the things in the scene and she thinks the vocals need adjustments? They’re lucky that Nini and Ricky will actually sing together at this point.

“She said in the spirit of holiday cheer,” she adds, noticing Carlos’s gaze on her.

He nods. “Good save.”

“Your homework over this break, all of you, is to please go on vocal rest,” she tells them. “And go over your lines too… which is hard to do on vocal rest but make it work. And remember, may nothing block your doorway to happiness!”

Just as she says it, Mr. Mazzara (ironically) steps through the door to the bomb shelter. “Excuse me!”

Carlos gives him the biggest eye roll he can muster, and in doing so, glances over at his backpack next to the piano. He had placed it over there as well in hopes to catch Seb at the end of rehearsal, but unfortunately, the boy had left his back by the risers and was already over there, deep in conversation with Gina.

“Okay, starting now,” Miss Jenn says in response to the STEM teacher.

“Oh, don’t mind me. I just came to return a missing item. Ashlyn,” all of the students watch as he approaches the girl with a giant accordion file-type folder in hand. “Cannot have our robotics team co-captain going home without her binder over break.”

She takes it with a smile, before going over to her backpack which is placed next to the piano. Carlos follows, in hopes that this means the end of the conversation with Mr. Mazzara and that he’ll leave.

Unfortunately, he has no such luck. “Thank you, Benjamin, and I hope you have a lovely holiday with whoever could possibly love you.”

“Oh, well, in fact, I will be enjoying three varieties of peach cobbler with a loving family so large, we’re renting out the Rotary club.”

“Well, I’m sure it can’t compare to the candied yam bake-off that we throw every year in my home, but I wish you joy nonetheless.

“And I wish you had some joy, too,” Mr. Mazzara says before finally spinning on his heel and walking out the door.

Carlos stands up from where he was packing up his backpack, letting out a sigh as he faces Ashlyn. “Cobbler sounds so nice,” he says, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. “My family usually has three protein courses and then everybody’s asleep by 6:00.”

“My folks start eating at dawn, and then they barely make it past the Macy’s Parade,” Big Red says, coming up behind them.

“Well at least your folks are sticking around,” Ashlyn tells them, leaning her elbow on the piano next to her. “EJ’s parents are treating my parents to a spa in Park City after dinner tomorrow. They told us to try and have a meaningful night at the movies.”

Carlos immediately turns to Big Red to see if they have the same thing in mind. When he turns back, Ashlyn is looking at both of them with the same look he had given Red.

“Wait…” she says, shifting herself so she’s standing a little taller as she regards them, an idea brewing in her mind.

“I was gonna say,” Carlos nods, egging her on.

“Do you guys want to come over after dinner tomorrow? Like, late night party?”

Next to him, Big Red is nodding enthusiastically as Carlos grins.

“I never don’t want that,” he tells her, making Ashlyn laugh. It feels good to be included with them in something again.

Big Red leans closer, a little quieter this time. “Should we keep it to a small group, or…” he sounded hesitant, so Carlos took it as a sign.

“Party at Ashlyn’s after Thanksgiving tomorrow, everyone’s invited!” he calls out to the room, and immediately people erupt into cheers. After the past few weeks they’ve had, everyone is in desperate need of a little celebration.

After everyone calms down and begins to exit, they begin to finish packing up and exiting the room, including Ashlyn and Big Red, with Red saying something about offering to help set up the party. Carlos is about to follow them out when Seb comes up to him.

He smiles as the boy approaches. “Hey, you going tomorrow?”

“Wouldn’t miss it,” he smiles softly. “I was actually wondering, though, if you maybe wanted to come over to my house today? Since you still owe me that coffee. The cows aren’t exactly the best partners to practice my lines with, and I think Georgie is getting a little tired of me bossing her around.”

Carlos laughs. “Yeah, of course. I would love to come over.”

As they’re walking down the hallway together, their hands bump together like they typically do when the two are walking together.

This time, though, he musters enough courage to reach out and take Seb’s hand. It feels like ever since homecoming, Seb has been the only one to initiate anything affectionate, and Carlos doesn’t want him feeling like he’s the only one who wants this, whatever this is. Next to him, Seb squeezes his hand softly, and he can see the tips of the other boy’s ears turning red.

They get in the car together as usual, pointed looks from Georgie at their joined hands ignored. Seb convinces her to stop once at Starbucks, so Carlos can fulfill his promise of buying him coffee (or, hot chocolate, actually) with only the promise of bringing her back a cake pop.

As they pull up in front of a small, off-white farmhouse with a barn behind it, Carlos realizes he hasn’t been to Seb’s house yet. They exit the car, and he follows Seb up the steps onto the wrap around porch.

Carlos is immediately surrounded by noise the moment he steps into the house. A mix of at least three or four different voices overlap the humming of a fan and the blare of the television in another room. There are also a few barks coming from two different dogs, both of which run up to greet the group as they enter. It’s the complete opposite of his own house, and he loves it.

Seb brings him into the kitchen long enough to throw away their cups while he introduces Carlos to his parents, as well as two more of his sisters before grabbing two apples, attempting to escape up to his room. Unfortunately, though, as they reach the stairs, Seb’s mom calls out. “Sebastian, sweetie, can you feed the cows for me?” she asks. “I have to finish making the pies for tomorrow.”

“Can’t Georgie do it? I’m kind of busy,” Seb sighs, gesturing towards Carlos as he faces his mom. Before she can reply, Georgie slips past the two of them and up the stairs, calling “Nope!” behind her.

His mom looks at her, then back at Seb. “Please?”

Seb sighs again, looking over at Carlos, apology in his eyes. “Do you mind?” he asks, handing Carlos one of the apples.

“Not at all,” Carlos smiles in an attempt to make him feel better. “You can introduce me to all of your cows.”

That seems to cheer him up enough fro Seb to lead out, behind the house, and towards the barn that Carlos had noticed when they first pulled up. It’s painted a dark red, almost brown, and the wood is a bit faded. He can already hear the cows inside making noise without having even entered yet.

When they do enter, it’s exactly what he’s expecting. He’s been to a farm before when he was a lot younger, so the stereotypical red barn with each cow in their specific pen doesn’t come as any surprise to him.

Seb goes around, gently pouring food from a bucket for them, introducing them as he does so. It’s cute watching him work, and he has an impressive amount of musical pun names for them, but he feels bad for not helping.

“Is there anything I can do?” he offers after a few more moments of silently following Seb around while he eats his apple.

“Oh, sorry, is this boring?” he turns, blushing slightly. “I should be done soon, I’m sorry for making you wait-”

“No, it’s fine!” Carlos explains quickly, cutting him off. “I just feel bad standing around behind you.”

Seb shrugs. “It’s fine if you’re okay, I wasn’t expecting to have to do chores this early. Is there anything I can get you while you wait?”

“No, I’m good,” he smiles. It’s always good around Seb.

He finishes up, the two of them idly chatting while he does so. Seb even manages to convince him to pet one of the babies, a new calf named Beyonce (courtesy of Georgie, which Carlos of course adored.)

He admittedly was a bit scared of farm animals growing up, but watching Seb do his chores with them was able to ease his mind enough for him to at least pet one. (As for picking her up, which Seb did offer, Carlos thinks he’ll hold off on.)

They walk back to the house together, hand in hand like they were on the way to Georgie’s car earlier. It feels totally natural to just slip his hand into Seb’s at this point, and Carlos wonders what would happen if he just brought the situation up to him.

He’s been trying to figure out how since the night after homecoming, but with the Miss Jenn situation, he never found a chance to do it earlier. It leaves him thinking over every moment they have together at night, wondering how he could naturally bring up the subject. Every moment he spends with Seb alone, though, he forgets himself. All cognitive thought disappears when the boy gets within six feet of him.

He’s pretty sure Seb likes him. No, he’s definitely sure of it, considering the boy’s hand currently in his. More than anything he wants to be able to call Seb his boyfriend. How to get to the point of asking that, though, is where you lose him. It’s unfortunate that he’s not close enough to Nini or anyone who’s actually done the whole relationship thing because he has no one to help him out.

Oh well, though. There are some things he has to figure out on his own, and luckily he’s with a perfect person to do it with. He will figure it out. It’s just a matter of when.

When they enter the house, Seb lets go of his hand in favor of opening the door for Carlos, ushering him up to his room. It takes him a minute to figure out which room was his, considering the five different doors in the hallway, all painted white and slightly chipping. When Seb reaches the top of the stairs, though, he takes his hand again and leads him to one of the last doors in the hall.

He closes the door behind them, and Carlos turns to admire the room. The walls of Seb’s are a soft green. A dark wood-framed bed with an off-white comforter and patterned with little leaves and flowers is pushed into the corner of the room, the afternoon sun streaming in through one of the windows and lighting up the center of the room.

A few decorations hung along the walls; various art prints, playbills from local shows, and printed photos with memories that lined the room. Carlos couldn’t help but admire them for a few moments, laughing silently at younger Seb smiling widely at the camera with his siblings or friends. Nothing about that smile had changed.

There were a few recent ones on the wall as well. He notices one of Seb and Natalie during auditions, as well as one of their failed jumps for the playbill, and even a couple from homecoming. It makes his heart flutter when he sees one of the two of them dancing together, a photo Ashlyn had snapped and sent to the both of them after the dance. Seeing the two of them together like that makes his stomach flip in a good way.

Carlos recognizes a desk on the other side of the room from their FaceTime calls. It’s made of the same dark wood as his bed and dresser are. Currently, it looks like a High School Musical shrine, covered with stuff for their show. He smiles when he notices the ‘Sharpay’ name card that Seb had apparently taken from the read through. (Carlos had taken his home as well, it was currently pinned to his corkboard.)

Behind him, Seb digs his script out of his backpack. “Do you mind reading for Ryan? I want to rehearse page 74. I keep tripping up on it during rehearsal,” he asks.

Carlos pulls out his own script, flipping to the page as he sits down at the end of Seb’s bed. The scene towards the end of the show when Sharpay and Ryan are plotting to change the timing of the callback. He’s already familiar with the script after countless meetings with Miss Jenn for blocking discussion. Plus, as amazing as Seb is when he’s acting, Carlos has noticed him trip over the lines a couple times now that Miss Jenn has them off-book.

Just as they’re about to start, the door bursts open and Georgie leans against the doorway, “You know you’re not supposed to have the door closed when you have a boy over,” she says slyly, making both boys blush despite not even being close to each other.

“We’re running lines,” Seb tells her, doing his best to glare with his face heated up. “So unless you want to join and hear me run the same scene over and over again-”

“I’ll save it for opening night,” Georgie cuts off, rolling her eyes teasingly before turning.

Once she leaves (closing the door behind her,) Carlos opens his script backup to the scene. Across the room, Seb places his open script behind him on the desk before gesturing towards him to start off the conversation.

“Wow, they sound good!” Carlos reads off, doing his best to portray the character as he reads the line out to Seb. He’s admittedly not the best actor, but he manages to at least keep what he hopes sounds like surprise in his voice.

Seb scoffs dramatically, and Carlos can already see him back in his Sharpay mindset. He leans to the side as if he’s listening to Troy and Gabriella practice in the room next door, before turning around to face him. “We have to do something.”

Carlos glances down at the page, but the next Ryan is for another couple of lines. He looks back up at Seb, nodding at him to keep going.

Seb squeezes his eyes shut, tilting his head towards the ceiling as he racks his brain for the lines. “Our callback is on Thursday, and the basketball game and scholastic decathlon are on Friday,” he says hesitantly, rolling his shoulders as he gets back into character. Carlos continues to nod along encouragingly.

“It’s too bad all the events aren’t happening on the same day, at the same time!” he finishes slyly with one hand on his hip, voice dripping with sass and the general fabulous tone Sharpay radiates.

He’s so perfect for this role that Carlos almost forgets to keep going. “That wouldn’t work out because then Troy and Gabriella wouldn’t be able to make the callba…” he trails off, as Seb shakes his head slightly, giving him wide, condescending eyes in perfect Sharpay fashion

“I’m proud to call you my sis- brother,” Carlos corrects himself at the very second, and he can see Seb biting his cheek to keep from smiling.

“I know,” he finishes, then pretends to whip his non-existent long hair, making them both laugh.

The scene goes on for them still after this when Miss Darbus is supposed to go on stage, and while Carlos could easily read for both roles for Seb, instead he puts his script down in favor of clapping softly for the boy. “You’re doing amazing, Seb!”

Seb smiles softly, but it’s soon replaced by a tense half-smile as he drops down next to Carlos. “I’m never going to remember all these lines,” he sighs, laying down back onto the bed. “The last role I played with anywhere close to this many lines was when I was the grasshopper in James and the Giant Peach in 7th grade.”

It makes Carlos smile, remembering one of the photos he noticed of Sebs in a dark green jacket and a top hat with antennas sticking out next to some other kids from what must have been the night of their show. It’s weird to think about their separate histories in theatre before ending up at the same school. Judging by the various playbills with Seb’s middle school on them, he must have been doing shows nearly his entire life.

Meanwhile, Carlos had barely been involved before coming to East High. He had auditioned for a few of his middle school shows, but he was almost always cast in ensembles. He much preferred being behind the scenes of the show anyway, and be able to witness the whole thing come together from every perspective.

Instead of dwelling on that, he holds out his hand to pull Seb back up to a sitting position. “You have nearly all your lines memorized, though!” he says. “Compared to Ricky or EJ, I think you’re doing fantastic. Plus your acting is on point, you would be able to pull off forgetting a line.”

“Really? I’m worried I’m making my Sharpay too nice. I always loved her too much as a kid to remember she’s a villain,”

“Trust me, it’s perfect,” Carlos laughs again. “And I agree, Sharpay is barely the villain in the show. The real villain is Gabriella.”

“Righ?!” Seb agrees, turning back around. “Especially in High School Musical 3! Gabriella already has her scholarship to Stanford, there’s nobody she has to impress with the show. The reason she didn’t get that Juilliard scholarship is because they made a fool of her on stage, and then Gabriella stole the show as always, and now she’s stuck in Albuquerque for the rest of her life.”

Carlos bites his lip, trying to keep from smiling.

“What?” Seb asks when he notices.

“It’s just… I’ve never seen High School Musical 2 or 3 all the way through,” he admits.

“What?!” Seb says again, but this time more distraught. “You’re telling me you’ve only seen the worst movie of the trilogy?”

It makes Carlos gasp and laugh at the same time. “HSM 1 is a classic! I refuse to believe the sequels of movies can ever top the first one.”

“Okay, I agree, but also High School Musical 2 is, like, every reason I ever wanted to be Sharpay.”

“I mean, I watched up until the end of Fabulous, but then I gave up on it,” Carlos explains.

Seb rolls his eyes teasingly, sitting back down next to Carlos. “Okay, at least you’re somewhat cultured. First chance we get after break, though, I am sitting you down and making you watch the second two movies with me,” he says, nudging Carlos’s shoulder with his own.

Carlos grins. “Deal,” he says, and now would be a perfect time to make a move and just kiss him, or bring up the whole situation, or do anything. But with Seb’s eyes locked with his, his heart is racing too fast to think properly at this moment, and the moment passes.

It’s progress, though.

(Kind of.)

—

7:45pm the night of Thanksgiving, and Carlos is just about to leave for Ashlyn’s party when he remembers something that’s been in his closet for years.

Ever since he had watched the movies when he was younger, not knowing he would one day be able to create his own version of the show, he wanted a way to express his obsession with the movies. And with that, High School Musical: the Choosical had been born. Granted, at 5 years old, his summer project was more of his mom’s project.

Still, his family had stopped playing it after he had brought it out every night for weeks until they all memorized every question, so he hadn’t played since that summer he made it. No better night than tonight to bring it out again now that he has his own version of the cast to play it with.

“Are you ready to go, mijo?” he hears his mom call up the stairs just as he’s contemplating whether or not to bring it. Before he can second guess himself too much, Carlos grabs the folded red cardboard off of the top shelf of his closet and heads out the door.

As Carlos walks downstairs, his mom raises her eyebrows amusedly at the game in his hands. “Haven’t seen that one in a while,” she says, grinning at him

He smiles, rolling his eyes at her. “Well, it’s not like I’ve had an excuse to take it out in 10 years.”

“Better them than me. I could probably win an episode of Jeopardy with just High School Musical trivia,” she laughs as she opens the door.

After he’s seated with the Choosical safely in his lap, Carlos pulls out his phone just as his phone buzzes with a text from Seb.

From: Seb Matthew-Smith: everyone’s here! just missing you :) <3

Carlos has to keep from smiling too much at the text as he replies to avoid any questions from his mom.

From: Carlos Rodriguez: omw now! tell ash im sorry im late but im bringing smth

From: Seb Matthew-Smith: oh? should i be scared?

From: Carlos Rodriguez: no!! I think ur gonna like it :)

From: Seb Matthew-Smith: guess i better trust you on this one. luckily- i always trust you! :)

From: Seb Matthew-Smith: text me when you get here!!

Even as he gets closer to the cast, and even after having seen him just yesterday, it still makes his chest tight whenever Seb seems excited to see Carlos. It always instills him with confidence to know he likes Carlos back at least somewhat the same way he likes Seb. Perhaps that confidence could take him a long way tonight…

Carlos has to put his phone down, forcing himself to think about something else as he stares out the window and attempts to stop his cheeks from heating up. As much as he loves to daydream about the possibility of having a relationship with Seb, he’s pretty sure his mom knows something is up between the two of them. He doesn’t want to talk to her about it before he knows for sure that it’s real.

Instead, his mind drifts to the party. He hopes he wasn’t being too forward when he invited the entire drama club to come, but he couldn’t help seizing the opportunity when he saw it. Thankfully, everyone seemed excited, including Ashlyn who has to deal with having two dozen theatre kids all in her living room.

It’s not the high school party like the one in shows and movies, he knows that much already. He’s already positive there won’t be drinking because if anything happens it could potentially endanger the show, and, honestly, he’s kind of happy that there won’t be. (Not to mention that theatre kids with sugar are already bad enough.) But it is his first ever party, which has to count for something. If there’s any night for a couple of firsts, it’s tonight.

The car pulls up to what he assumes is Ashlyn’s house, judging by the cars lined on the street and the lights on inside. Carlos shoots Seb a quick text before leaning over to kiss his mom on the cheek, promising to call her when he needs a ride home. He then carefully climbs out of the car, the Choosical still in hand, and makes his way up to the front door.

Just as Carlos is trying to figure out how to open the door without tilting the game so all the pieces fall out (again, never ended up coming up with a better way to store it,) the door opens. In the doorway stands Seb in a pink button up.

“Long time no see, Rodriguez- oh, do you want help with that?” Seb says, eyes drawing from Carlos’s face down to the box in his hand, playful grin turning into delighted confusion. He offers out a hand, but Carlos waves it away.

“As long as you don’t close the door on me, we should be good.”

“Is that your mom?” he asks Carlos, gesturing behind him.

Carlos smiles. “Yup. I think she’s just checking to make sure this is the right house.”

Seb glances over Carlos’s shoulder, grinning as he waves at the car before he ushers him inside the house. No doubt Carlos would be hearing about that later on.

Instead, he focuses his attention on the rest of the cast and crew that are already seated in Ashlyn’s living room.

“The party may begin!” Carlos announces, Seb closing the door behind him.

“Carlos!” Ashlyn emerges from what must be the kitchen judging by the bowl of food in her hand. She passes it off to Kaden, though, and reaches out to help bring the game in. “Woah, okay, you know it’s a potluck and not catering, right?”

“This is not food,” he promises.

“Oh, good, I thought it was pizza. Too much lactose,” Big Red chimes in, causing a few scattered laughs.

Carlos sets the game down on the table, unlatching the velcro strip his mom had attached to it to keep everything in place. As he unfolds the game, gasps come from nearly every person in the room as they stare at the game.

“What is that?” he hears Big Red say among the excited mumbles.

“This is something I’ve been waiting many long years to share with the world,” he explains while the cast fiddles with all the pieces and admires the different tiles on the board. It boosts his confidence when he finally says, “you guys, this is High School Musical: the Choosical. ”

Ashlyn laughs giddily. “The what, now?” she asks, causing a few others to laugh as well.

Carlos grins, his chest warming as he finally gets to debut his childhood creation. “Okay, so when I was a child, I wanted to go into the movie. But the movie was on a screen.”

“He’s not wrong,” Seb adds.

“So, I decided to create the next best thing: an interactive, hyperactive HSM experience that can be played by children and adults everywhere in the world…” he pauses, then, “as long as they lived in my bedroom.”

“Wait so you’ve had this for ten years?” Big Red asks.

“And I’ve never actually played it,” he says. Well, never actually played it the way he always imagined. It’s not exactly the best game when only two people are playing.

“Okay, we’ll totally play it!” Ashlyn says, and everyone else murmurs an excited agreement.

“I’m gonna cry!” Carlos says, (jokingly, although part of him wants to in a good way.) He then rummages through his pockets, where he had put all the cards and the figurines before he left his house, so they didn’t fall out of the game during transfer.

“There are two teams. The East High Wildcats-” he explains, pulling out the little toy cheetah (the closest thing he could get to a leopard). “-Or the West High Knights,” he says, this time with a knight figurine. “So, sort yourselves.”

Everyone talks excitedly among themselves as they decide who’s on which team. Seb, unfortunately, has to move from where he was sitting next to Carlos, to on the floor with the rest of the Wildcats team— the team Carlos always insisted on being while playing when he was younger.

Meanwhile, he notices Ashlyn shyly going to sit next to Big Red. Carlos vaguely remembers Red offering to set up before the party, and wonders if something happened before the party while no one else was around. He makes a mental note to ask her about it later.

“Wait, who goes first?” Big Red asks.

“Oh,” Carlos says, realizing he never actually figured out that detail. Usually, when he played with his mom, she would just let him go first.

“Coin toss?” Nini suggests. A few people nod in agreement, and after a bit of rummaging around, Ashlyn offers up a quarter to Carlos.

He takes it, then turns to the Wildcats team. “Pick a side.”

“Heads!” Seb calls out.

“I guess we’re tails then,” Ashlyn says in reference to the Knights, though nobody seems to object.

Carlos flips the coin.

Tails.

“West High Knights go first,” he announces, and the right side of the room cheers. Across the coffee table, Seb just smiles as he shrugs, mouthing ‘whoops!’ to Carlos.

Just as they’re about to start, Ashlyn announces that EJ had just texted her that he’s on his way. They decide to wait to start the game until he, as well as Ricky and Gina, arrive. A few people stand up, gravitating towards the kitchen for more drinks or just to stretch their legs. Carlos is tempted to go find a way to squeeze in next to Seb for a bit, but he looks deep in conversation with Steph. He just talked to him yesterday, anyway.

Instead, he decides to strike up a conversation with Big Red, who’s across the coffee table.

“Hey, Red, how’s your day been?” he asks, causing Big Red to look up from his phone in surprise. (To be fair, they’ve never really interacted themselves before if Ashlyn or Ricky wasn’t around.)

“Oh,” he smiles. “It was all right. My parents have been napping on and off since noon, so I’m glad we have this party.”

Carlos matches his grin. “Same. Did you come early?”

“Uh, yeah, I did. Ashlyn wanted help bringing all the sodas in, and I offered to help since crew is basically all about carrying around heavy stuff.”

It makes Carlos laugh. It’s not exactly all that crew is about, but sometimes it does feel a little bit just like that. Plus whenever he brings up theatre without the presence of Ricky, it makes Carlos happy to hear he’s not the only one who found a new family this year.

“How’s Ashlyn?” he asks, suddenly deciding to try and draw some details about her from him. “I haven’t really talked to her since rehearsal yesterday, and just now when I walked in.”

“Oh, she’s good, I think,” he says, flushing slightly at the question. “I mean, I don’t really know, but she seems good.”

“Cool,” Carlos smiles, nodding. Interesting… Perhaps he won’t be the only one this year spawning a new potentially romantic relationship

“How’s Seb? I know you two are like… a thing,” Red says suddenly, and this time it’s Carlos’s turn to blush. He knew Ashlyn thought they were together, but he didn’t realize that other people may have thought the same.

“What do you mean?”

Big Red glances over at Seb, then back at Carlos as he speaks. “I mean, like… you guys are dating, right?”

“Uh, no? I mean, well… no. I don’t think so. But, also, like, kinda? It’s complicated,” he rambles. “We’re not. But, like, yet. We could be. I don’t know really.”

“Oh,” Big Red says, shrugging. Judging by his blank stare, Carlos honestly thinks that his words may have gone through one ear and out the other. “Alright, cool. You would be good together, though.”

“Thanks,” Carlos replies. He’s definitely bright red at this point.

Thankfully, they’re saved by Gina and Ricky walking in together. Excited chatter starts up again as members of the cast call them over to sit with the rest of the West High Knights, who had ended up being slightly smaller compared to the Wildcats. Carlos settles back down in his spot on the floor, pulling each different deck of category cards out of his jacket before calling everyone to attention.

“Okay, okay you guys, okay!” he calls, and excited chatter turns to shushing as everyone quotes down to hear him explain the rules.

He points to each deck of cards as he speaks, each sporting one of his favorite characters on the label. “There are four basic categories. The Getcha Head in the Frame Trivia Challenge, the Bop ‘Till You Drop Dance Challenge, Sync to the Status Quo Lip Sync Challenge, and Looking for Glee, which I thought would be a fun name for the singing challenge because when I was a kid I was obsessed with the show.”

A few people laugh, but not in a judgemental way, including the newly arrived EJ, who tells him, “hey, it still holds up.”

“Oh, good, I thought you guys were gonna judge me,” Carlos admits with a laugh, causing a few murmured reactions, all sounding like it’s obvious that they wouldn’t. (Not that they have exactly the best track record of not judging Carlos, but it’s reassuring to at least hear their opinions on the game.)

He gets back on track, pointing to the left side of the room. “Okay, so Knights, you won the coin toss, so you guys get to pick the first challenge.”

They talk among themselves but eventually surface with Ashlyn being their chosen spokesperson. “We’re gonna Look for Glee.”

“Excellent,” Carlos says in his best dramatic game show host voice. He picks a card from the deck before clearing his throat and reading the question. “As fast as you can, please sing the lyrics to ‘What I’ve Been Looking For’ to the rhythm of ‘Getcha Head in the Game’... go!”

They sputter for a moment before Ashlyn and Red take the lead, rapping out the lyrics while Ricky sings out the ‘Getcha Head in the Game’ rhythm. It’s messy, and half the time they don’t even get the lyrics right, but it’s good enough to complete the challenge and leaves the rest of the cast laughing at the group. They end the song, clearly very proud of themselves, and everyone else still in tears at their performance.

“That was terrible,” EJ wheezes, followed by Seb’s joyful “I’m so happy.”

“Congratulations,” Carlos says, collecting himself as he turns to the team. “You get to move four spaces closer to center stage at East High!”

The Knights cheer as Red leans forward to move their knight across the board, much to the disagreement of the Wildcats.

Ignoring EJ’s “they get four spaces for that?”, Carlos continues the game, turning to the left side of the room.

“Okay, Wildcats. Take a spin,” he tells them.

EJ leans forward, spinning the Game of Life wheel that was attached to the center of the board that decided how many spaces they would move, before settling back in the chair. “Alright, we’re gonna bop.”

“Okay. Pick one member from each team,” Carlos says dramatically.

Both teams turn to talk among themselves, voices growing as they debate who to send up. After a moment, EJ and Ricky stand up at the same time. Realizing it’s already too late to switch them out without it being awkward, the room grows silent except for a quiet “oh, boy,” from Seb.

“Your challenge is to stare at your partner and do the Sharpay and Ryan warm-up thing for 60 seconds straight without laughing…” he trails off, regarding the two boys. “Or killing each other.”

Their competitive nature makes for thick tension between them, as well as all the Nini drama, but Carlos already knows that’ll just make for a more interesting game. (As long as they don’t literally kill each other.

“Okay, go!”

Both of them start the dramatic warm up, making the buzzing noises with their lips, then shouting “Ma!” as they flick their hands at each other like there’s water on them, just like from the movie. It becomes increasingly clear within the first few seconds that nobody can take them seriously like this, including them. Before long, everyone is once again doubled over with laughter.

It’s not even the hilarity of the situation that makes Carlos smile wide. Knowing that his game (and indirectly, himself) brings this much joy and laughter to the cast and crew is enough.

—

After many rounds of Choosical, including Seb doing his best Sharpay impression while reading Chad’s monologue to Troy from the first movie, Gina destroying everyone at movie trivia, Ashlyn giving a dramatic reading of ‘When There Was Me and You’, and Ricky doing as many jazz squares as he could in a minute, which ended in him tripping over himself and collapsing on the floor, the two teams were one tile away from the end of the board. Meaning, it was time for a tiebreaker.

“Okay, you guys!” Carlos says, calling for everyone’s attention, which was working better tonight than it ever did during rehearsal. “According to the Musical Choosical Handbook of Rulesicals-”

“Stop it,” EJ interrupts, though his tone is harmless and everybody laughs.

He continues. “The only way to resolve a tie at the end of regulation play is with a lightning speed round of Getcha Head in the Frame Trivia questions.”

A few oooh’s echo around the room as everybody sits back, preparing to show off their respective HSM knowledge.

“Are you ready?” Carlos asks, holding up the deck. “Because people have been known to cry during this.”

“I thought you had never actually played-” Seb starts, but Carlos cuts him off.

“Honey, not today of all days.”

Seb’s eyes widen, but he gives Carlos a soft smile as a feel people nudge him teasingly.

Carlos doesn’t even realize the pet name he used until he turns to see Ashlyn and Big Red giving him matching pointed looks. It was an accident, really. Ever since working with Miss Jenn, the names have started to slip out without him realizing. He realizes now, with Seb, though, that it means something totally different.

“Okay, here we go,” he starts, fighting back any heat creeping to his cheeks as he reads the question. “Name both jersey numbers Troy wears in the movie.”

Right away, Big Red answers. “Oh, uh, fourteen and ten!”

Carlos doesn’t even register who answered until he looks up, but when he does, he’s shocked. No wonder he and Ashlyn get along so well. Turns out, Big Red is a High School Musical nerd just like the rest of them.

Speaking of Ashlyn, she’s just as shocked as Carlos. “How did you know that? I didn’t even know that!”

“Correct!” Carlos moves on. “How does Gabriella describe herself when she’s complaining to her mom?”

Ashlyn jumps up. “Oh! As the school’s freaky genius girl.”

“And do people usually talk like that?”

“They do not!”

“Correct!” he says with a laugh, before turning back to the left side of the room. “Wildcats! Whose red tie does Ms. Darbus compliment at auditions?”

Expressions drop as everyone falters for a moment, trying to remember the audition scene in the movie since it’s not part of their show.

Just as it seems like nobody will get the answer, EJ speaks up. “Allen?”

Carlos grins. “Yes!”

People turn in surprise to EJ, before breaking out with praise for him.

He holds up his phone. “I looked it up on my phone, you guys. I can’t stop cheating, I’m sorry!”

Praise turns to groans, as everyone grills him on cheating.

“EJ…” he trails off, vaguely remembering seeing a few Instagram stories from him earlier in the day when he was talking about cheating at water polo. Not one of his best moves. Apparently, it’s a common theme for him. Honestly, Carlos is just surprised he never got caught.

“Well, the West High Knights have a chance to steal,” he pulls attention back to the game. “What is the name of the girl who pops and locks.”

Immediately, Gina hops up. “I love to pop and lock and jam and break!” she sings, mocking Martha’s movements from the movie much to the delight of the others.

“Martha Cox!” she answers afterward, dropping her arms.

Everybody laughs, and Carlos reaches for the handful of confetti he pocketed.

“West High Knights win!” he announces, throwing it into the air, and the right side of the room erupts into cheers.

“You, my dear, get this homemade Scholastic Decathlon ribbon,” he presents to Gina. It’s a little prop he’s had for a while, although never had any real use for. “Careful, it’s a straight pin, and was never sanitized,” he explains as he attempts to pin it onto her.

“Ooh, wait, everybody get in!” Gina pulls her phone out of her pocket and holds it up so the surrounding castmates can lean in for a selfie. It’s not the best angle or lighting, but it makes everybody laugh.

Once the photo is taken, she brings her phone back down to type out a number. “Okay, hold on, I need to share this honor with my loved ones.”

“You gotta stop moving, this is the price we pay for beauty,” Carlos jokes as he tries not to stab her while attaching the pin.

Someone picks up on her phone, though, and she holds it up to her ear just as he finishes pinning it. “Mom, mom, mom, okay, two things. One, I was just crowned the queen of crazytown. And two, can I spend the night at Ashlyn’s house?”

“Um, it’s actually the queen of East High,” Carlos corrects, settling back down in his spot on the floor.

She shushes him, then “sorry, mom, I can’t hear you,” she tells her. She pulls the phone off her ear and holds it out, tapping a button. “Okay, mom, you’re on speaker. Say happy Thanksgiving to my mom everyone!”

“Happy Thanksgiving!”

“Oh! Same to all of you!” Ms. Porter says, then a little quieter, “Gina, honey, can you take me off speaker?”

—

“Hey, are you heading out?” Seb asks as Carlos is packing up the game. After Gina left abruptly, followed by Ricky and Nini, the party pretty much winded down. Carlos didn’t know the full story, but from what it sounded like, Gina may be moving again. Already.

“Yeah, I’m just getting everything together,” Carlos says, shrugging on his jacket. “Mood kind of dropped.”

Seb picks up the Choosical carefully and hands it to him once he has his jacket on. “Do you need a ride.”

“My mom is on her way already. We could go sit outside together, though? I think I saw a porch swing out there.”

Seb nods. They go up to Ashlyn together, saying goodbye and thanking her for hosting. Seb allows Carlos to lead the way out the door since he was carrying the game.

“I feel bad for Gina,” Seb says, walking down to the swing at the end of the porch. “I know she had kind of a rough start, but she was starting to fit in well.”

Carlos sets the game down on the porch steps so he doesn’t accidentally drop it while they’re swinging. He then goes to sit down next to Seb. “Do you really think she’s going to move?”

He draws one knee up to his chest. “I don’t know. I mean, her mom is her only family. It’s not really like Gina has another option if she leaves.”

“Yeah. I get it, though. It’s not easy only having one parent.”

“What happened to your dad?” Seb asks softly, glancing at him without turning his head.

It’s hard to make out his features with the porch light all the way at the door as their only source of light, but he already knows what Seb is giving him. It’s the same one everyone gives when they ask. Like Carlos might break.

He takes a deep breath, heart beating hard against his chest like it’s trying to break out and run away. It’s not his favorite topic.

“When I was around three, he just… left. Sent her divorce papers a little while later or whatever. I don’t really know the reason why, but I guess he didn’t want this, with me and my mom.” Carlos says, spreading his hands. “He lives outside of Salt Lake. I think he has kids, but I’ve never met them or his wife. The few times I’ve visited, they weren’t there. I don’t visit anymore, though.”

Seb is quiet for a moment. Then, “Well, that sucks- he sucks. He doesn’t know what he’s missing.”

Carlos shrugs. “Yeah, well, it’s not a big deal. I have my mom, and I don’t think she has any plans of bringing me across the country at a week's notice, so there’s that.”

It’s enough of a joke to make Seb laugh, or maybe it’s just an excuse for him to take Carlos’s hand. “That’s good because I don’t know how I’d feel about you leaving.”

“Same applies to you,” he says, squeezing Seb’s hand gently. “You still have two High School Musical’s to show me.”

Seb laughs. “And then you can write some new Choosical questions! Although, that trivia kicked my butt! How was I supposed to know who was wearing a red tie in the first movie during the audition scene?”

“By watching the original 37 times instead of wasting time on the sequels.” Carlos nudges his knee.

“Watching the sequels is not wasting time! I think the moment you see ‘I Don’t Dance’, you’ll change your mind,” Seb insists.

“I guess we’ll have to see!”

“Speaking of the trivia…” Seb trails, scooting closer. Instantly, Carlos’s stomach flips. “Or more the moment, really. Um, you called me ‘honey’?” he asks, clearly blushing although acting like everything’s normal and not like he initiated the conversation Carlos had been thinking about all night.

“Yeah, it was kind of an accident, but, um,” he falters trying to find the words. Carlos is suddenly very aware that he’s currently holding Seb’s hand, and that Seb is sitting close enough to him that their thighs are pressed together. If he’s going to do anything tonight, it’s going to happen now.

Finally, he speaks. “What is this?” he asks, nodding his head at his hands.

“What do you mean?”

“Like… what are we?”

Seb glances up at him. “What do you want us to be?”

“Together,” Carlos says before he loses his courage. “Like, dating together, If you want, I mean. Or we can keep doing whatever this is and pretend this didn’t happen-”

“Carlos,” he interrupts. “That’s what I want, too.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I just didn’t know how to ask. But that’s what I’ve wanted for a while.”

“Me too,” Carlos breathes. “Since homecoming.

“Maybe a little before then, too,” Seb smiles, making him smile too. He suddenly bites his lip before dropping his head on Carlos’s shoulder, bursting into giggles.

“What?”

“Georgie has been not-so-subtly rooting for us forever. She’s going to freak when I tell her you’re my boyfriend,” he explains.

“Car rides will never be the same Carlos laughs, too, although he can feel his cheeks flushing at the word boyfriend. It’s absolutely everything he could hope for, and they’ve been officially dating for less than a minute

Seb lifts his head after a moment, locking eyes with Carlos. His eyes look nearly black. Their heads are definitely closer together now. In fact, if Carlos just-

A honk sounds from somewhere in the street, and he pulls his phone out of his jacket pocket.

“Oh, whoops,” he laughs, showing Seb the stream of missed messages from his mom that she was here.

“At least she didn’t come up here,” Seb points out, squeezing their still-clasped hands.

They stand up together, having to let their hands go so Carlos can go grab the Chooscial and head to his mom’s car. Before he can make it to the steps, though, Seb grabs his arm and pulls him back.

“Happy Thanksgiving, Carlos,” he says.

Carlos grins, leaning in to kiss him on the cheek like Seb did on his porch the night of homecoming.

“Happy Thanksgiving, honey,” he says, this time purposely using the pet name. Seb blushes, still visible even in the dark of the night. He squeezes Carlos’s hand one last time before letting him turn to pick up his game and get into his mom’s car.

“Sorry that I’m late. I was… talking. I didn’t see your messages,” he explains as he gets into the front seat.

His mom shrugs it off. She’s always been pretty chill about these things as long as he’s safe and lets her know where he is. “Was the party good, mijo?” she asks instead.

“Yeah,” Carlos says, only blue eyes and blonde hair on his mind. His boyfriend. “Yeah, it was great.”

#seblos #seb matthew smith #carlos rodriguez #hsmtmts #high school musical the musical the series #my writing #not a star

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twdeadfanfic · 5 years

Text

You didn’t like me?

Daryl x Reader

981 words drabble with the prompt “You did’t like me? When you didn’t like me?” requested by @rhyatt-deauxtreve

If you want to check my other fics, there’s a link to my masterlist in the description of this blog.

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“Jackspot!” You grinned as you walked into the back of the big truck that Daryl had managed to open. It was full of cans of food, from useful things with all their vitamins, and proteins, and what not, to yummier stuff like candy and chocolate. “This is full of things, you’re not going to believe it!”

“I ain’t having that luck here.” Daryl was at the cabin of the truck, trying to hotwire it so you could drive everything back to Alexandria.

“You can’t hotwire now or what? Let me do it.” You made your way to the cabin, tugging at Daryl so you could do it yourself. Daryl rolled his eyes but let you, but you tried and tried and it didn’t work. “Okay, this’s not working…”

“Told you so, Ms.Smart.” Daryl scoffed. “The battery is dead.”

“What do we do? There’s just a couple of light hours left…” You could see the sun going down. Daryl and you had drove for hours, trying to find something useful in a world where by now almost every place had been raided or infested.

“We could go to Alexandria and come back in the morning with the van to get all this stuff in it, though I don’t like to leave this alone and someone else finding it.” Daryl frowned and you nodded. “Maybe you could drive back to Alexandria and I could stay here, keep an eye on this.”

“No, no way, you can’t stay here alone.” You weren’t going to leave Daryl alone out there, he could be attack by walkers, or worse, by people. “And I don’t know if I could make it to Alexandria before it gets dark.”

“Okay…Do you want us to stay in here for the night then?”

“Okay.”

That’s how you ended up at the back of the truck, eating candy and chocolate with Daryl after you secured close the back door so no walkers could get in, talking about this and that by the light of the lantern.

“You didn’t like me? When didn’t you like me?!” You couldn’t believe Daryl had just admitted that to you. You didn’t know if you were more curious or offended…and even maybe a bit hurt. Daryl seemed embarrassed, as if he regretted having said anything.

“It was just…dunno…when I met you…Rick brought you and dunno…” Daryl shrugged. “You seemed bossy, telling everyone what to do and how to do everything…”

“I thought I was being helpful.” You huffed.

“It was like you thought you were better than us and could do everything better and what not… when Glenn started pairing me up with you in runs I thought about just stopping so I wouldn’t have to deal with that.”

Now you were just feeling awful. You knew you could be a bit harsh sometimes, you were direct when you spoke, and okay maybe you were bossy sometimes, you knew you weren’t everyone’s favourite person, or none’s rather, but you didn’t know people had thought like that. Specially not Daryl, who was so important to you.

“Okay…” You said weakly, looking down. You shouldn’t care about what people thought of you and yet...

“It was just at the beginning.” Daryl added softly, he seemed to notice how you were feeling. “A few runs with you and I decided you weren’t a bossy bitch. Just bossy.”

“Geez, great I guess.” You shrugged.

“Kidding…I mean…runs with you were good, you weren’t as I thought you were.” Daryl nudged your leg with his feet gently and you looked at him. He seemed regretful, but you had asked him to tell you the truth, you couldn’t blame him... “I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m sorry. I like to go on runs with you.”

“I like going on runs with you too.”You gave him a weak smile, grateful he was trying to make you feel better. “And if that’s what you thought…well, I asked you to be honest…”

“We’re friends now. I like to be with you.” Daryl looked away from you, seeming embarrassed again, but his words were actually making you feel better.

“I liked you almost since I met you.” You admitted.

“Yeah?” Daryl frowned at you, seeming confused. “Why?”

“You had confidence, always questioning everything I said, you knew what you were doing, I liked it.” You giggled. “You were brave, smart, and resourceful, I liked that too. I also could see how everyone looked at you, they admired you, and with reason, you were always looking out for everyone, helping at everything, it was easy to see you were a good guy.”

“Yeah, sure.” Daryl scoffed.

“Why you won’t believe me? It’s true.” You didn’t insist, thought, knowing he’d just fight your words. “Besides, those beautiful eyes helped too.” Daryl scoffed again, and even though there wasn’t any light in there, you could notice his cheeks blushing. “Anyway, I’m glad you don’t think I’m a bitch and dislike me anymore.”

“Told you, I like you.” Daryl murmured.

“That’s good.” You chuckled. “But I don’t think you like me as I like you.

“What does that mean?”

You stared at him, considering admitting your feelings but deciding against it. Not yet. You needed to keep testing the waters, so to speak, make sure Daryl wouldn’t freak out.

“Nothing, just that I’ve liked you longer than you’ve liked me. And that I like you a lot” You shrugged and Daryl scoffed, shaking his head, but he smiled. You could see he was feeling shy, though, and so you decided not to keep pushing it. Instead, you reached out for another chocolate bar.

“You’re gonna finish them all before we get it to Alexandria.”

“Hush, there are a ton of boxes left.” You threw him another bar. “These’re the best candy bars you’re gonna ever try, so shut up and enjoy.” Daryl chuckled, but took a bite of the bar.

“Sure, bossy.”

...............................................................................................

I hope you liked this little thing, please let me know your thoughts if you have time.

As always, english is not my first language, so sorry for the mistakes.

If you want to be (un)tagged let me know!

@momc95 @jodiereedus22 @osweetdevilo @sapphire1727 @coffeebooksandfandom @crustyrose @checkintoreality @daddys-little-princess67 @sesshomaru-lover @crossbowking @coltcas @feartheendlesssummer @izumi37 @gruffle1 @cutiepiemimi13 @drina365 @kuolematkorjaavat @daeshaunex2 @twdeadlysins @stressed-lasagna @teenyforestfairy @yenne-yen-illustrations @mychemicalimagines @nikkipea @crazycatladyalustriel @miniprz @wolfkg @paybackbarnes @haleypearce @nikki082489 @dotslabyrinth @mtngirlforever @superflannel @blckbuttler @deanervs @linktheloveabledork @sourwolf-sterek32 @iminlokisarmysofi @traveleraroundsworld @deliciousassafrasssandwich @angelontheinside @friendly-black-cat @firehoopinmama @d0ntfitin @mblaqgi @lxdyred @a-dlv @elysijin @gabriels-pornstashe @marie-is-in-the-dark @lonewolf471 @hedakylo @wnygirl2012 @j-a-val @gabidarkage @dashesoflipstick @hopplessdreamer @of-storms-and-sadness @angelophany @million-dollar-milkshake @daryldixonandfrogs @easnuppa @art-flirt @justanothersarcasticfandomwriter @aisling-beatha @theunofficialduke @toxic-ink @fand0m-fiend @theonlyone-meeeee @nickangel13 @summerluciddreams @fanfictionsilove @lilo-1988

#daryl dixon #daryl dixon x reader #daryl dixon & reader #daryl dixon/reader #daryl dixon fanfiction #daryl dixon fanfic #daryl dixon fic #daryl dixon imagine

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artificialqueens · 5 years

Text

(treat me nice) never let me go [branjie] 2/15 - pinkgrapefruit

chapter 2. first things first imma say all the words inside my head

previous chapter 1.

A/N - Hi! Welcome back to Pretty Woman branjie style - in chapter one we saw our leading ladies meet each other - who knows what they’ll get up to this time. Special thanks to Frey and Linda (Qtip) for always being my heros/betas/favourite people and Meggie for being my grammar hero Let me know what you think and Enjoy!

Vanessa is lying on the floor, eyes transfixed on the show on the screen, when Brooke’s phone goes off. She shoots the Canadian a glare, far too comfortable in the penthouse now to take anyone interrupting ‘The Office’, and to be honest, Brooke almost understands - almost. She’d put on the series to try and smooth over any tension from the bathroom incident and for the most part, it seems to be working, the Latina sprawled over the expensive rug, head propped up on her hands, and mini-bar snacks left forgotten as she laughs and awws at every movement on-screen. It’s Brookes favourite show and it makes her a little fluffy inside to know that Vanessa likes it too (not that anyone needs to know that, she is an ice queen, she cannot let that façade drop).

She has to pull her eyes away from the girl, as the man on the other end of the phone demand for her to read a case file that’s about sixty cases away from being important right now. She sighs, pulls herself into a more upright position and tries to mediate the call with snippets of information she’s sure any idiot could find if they read the file instead of asking her to do the work for them.

“You okay?” Vanessa mouths, a difficult feat as she tries to chew a chocolate strawberry. Brooke finds it endearing and she nods tiredly, rolling her eyes as the man on the other end of the line yells about business numbers in Japan - she knows exactly what he’s talking about, but finds more joy in being a little bit difficult.

“You?” she mouths back, an eyebrow raised at how at home Vanessa has made herself.

The girl smirks, “Carpet picnic,” she replies as if that answered the question. It didn’t.

The sigh of relief Brooke lets out when the call ends is audible, and it makes Vanessa giggle a little bit. She visibly relaxes into the armchair, lets the cushions absorb the leftover stress.

“You want a drink?” the brunette chuckles as she watches the other woman rake a hand through her hair, flipping the parting until the blonde strands cascade over her left shoulder.

“I’m high on life, can’t you tell?”

Vanessa’s laughing and, god, if it isn’t the sweetest damn noise Brooke has heard in a while. She moves chairs to be a little closer, a soft smile on her face, as she watches the girl. Vanessa must feel her eyes and mutes the audio, looking at her with a tilted head. Brooke makes the mistake of poking her tongue out, letting it wet her lips, because suddenly they’re dry as a bone.

The shorter girl pushes herself up from the carpet and crawls slowly towards the chair, holding onto the arms when the reaches it. She gently runs a hand up one of Brooke’s legs, the woman tensing at the feeling of cold hands on her warm flesh. She allows Vanessa to manoeuvre her, wonders where this is going, although she has a vague idea by the girl’s heavy-lidded eyes and quiet smile. The girl removes her skirt and bodysuit slowly, teasingly - allows Brooke to focus on every inch of skin for a second or two before another is unveiled. She’s good at her job, there’s no question about it. She’s wearing a matching red lace bra and panty set, and the way it hides a little too much, but still absolutely nothing starts to drive Brooke wild.

Vanessa leans forward, breath warm and heavy on Brooke’s neck as she unbuttons the silk work shirt that the Canadian is oh so fond of. She feels the lace of the bra grazing her lower abdomen as the girl pauses.

“What do you want?”

“What do you do?”

“Everything.” She smiles seductively, places a small kiss on Brooke’s left breast before moving, so her face is an inch away from Brooke’s. “But I don’t kiss on the mouth.”

Brooke smiles - confident, not cocky. “Neither do I.”

As Vanessa leaves a trail of hot, lip-gloss kisses down her torso, Brooke leans back on the chair, relaxing into the feeling. She is good at her job.

Brooke showers to wash off the feeling of dread that encompassed her the second she realised that she’d paid for sex. She’s not ashamed, she doesn’t have anything against sex workers, not at all, she just hates that she paid for something with someone she actually likes. Maybe. She’s trying not to think too hard about the girl asleep in her bed - knows that this is a hole she really can’t afford to dig herself into right now.

After being pummeled with scalding water for twenty minutes, she decides she’s clean of her various sins and wraps herself in a fluffy hotel towel, letting her long, wet hair fall down her back. She’s just checking her phones when she notices a mop of blonde hair on a lamp. Brooke smiles to herself, clocking what’s happened with a quiet laugh. She paces around the corner to the bed, and her heart grows in size when she sees the short girl, curled up topless, surrounded by a halo of dark chocolate hair. The blonde suited her, the angled bob giving her face a more chiselled look, but this - it looks right. She looks younger and more innocent - gone is any power she may have held in the thigh highs and the wig - this is the real Vanessa.

Brooke clambers into bed as smoothly as she can, trying not to disturb the sleeping woman beside her. She flips, so she’s not facing her, and tries to fall asleep (definitely ignoring the way the smell of girl’s coconut shampoo fills her with a heavenly feeling).

Brooke’s taking a call when Vanessa wakes up. The blonde is sat at the table, body covered in a black silk robe, and hair cascading down her back. She’s got a coffee in one hand, a phone in the other, and her half of the table is covered in books, files, and the remnants of salmon, avocado and egg on toast left unfinished on a plate in front of her.

“I’ll meet Shuga for dinner tonight, it’s fine,” she says, low and full of conviction.

“Brooke, I really don’t think it’s a good idea for you to meet her alone. It could go really wrong,” comes the voice down the line, he sounds vaguely worried, although anyone could tell that he’s not worried for Brooke.

The Canadian makes a humming noise, sips her coffee and pauses for a second, a mock consideration.

“Well, you know, there’s always a possibility things are gonna go wrong. That’s why I enjoy this so much.” She purses her lips and waits for a response, which doesn’t seem to be coming.

“Oh, by the way, Ru, about your car.”

“Oh, god. What?” She chuckles at the reaction she gets, can imagine Ru’s fear over his precious car.

“It corners like it’s on rails.”

Ru promises to make the dinner plans as soon as Brooke promises not to go alone - it’s a deal that will benefit them both and they both know it.

Brooke’s call finishes just as the shorter girl walks around the corner, and she watches as the Canadian visibly changes from ’work Brooke’ to ‘relaxed Brooke.’ She watches the way her shoulders loosen up and she clings to her coffee with a little less aggression.

The blonde looks up, smiles a warm, comforting smile and gestures for her to sit down.

“Brown?” she asks in reference to her hair, eyebrow raised comically.

Vanessa nods uncomfortably but is quickly put at ease by how soft the taller woman is acting. There’s something quietly powerful about this Brooke, and she feels privileged to be able to witness it.

Brooke once again gestures to the spread of food taking up the not-case-covered side of the table.

“Are you hungry? You must be. Why don’t you sit and have something to eat? I, uh, took the liberty of ordering everything on the menu. I didn’t know what you’d like.”

Brooke rambles uncontrollably and Vanessa finds it endearing as she sits down, grabbing a danish pastry. She takes a bite before emptying six sugar packets and a tub of creamer into the black coffee waiting for her. When she sips it, she looks up to see the taller woman with a slightly disgusted look and almost snorts into the drink.

“Oh, she’s a black coffee girl?” teases Vanessa and Brooke just laughs, feels the bitter taste on her tongue melt into something sweeter.

“So, did you sleep well last night then, Brooke Lynn?” the girl questions, mouth half-full of dough and eyes full of mirth.

She smiles, wipes a drop of coffee from the edge of her cup, before making a face indicative of a little sleep - not enough to feel rested.

“You don’t sleep, you don’t do drugs, you don’t drink, you hardly eat.” Vanessa reels off - still with a joking tone. “What do you do, Brooke? ‘Cause I still ain’t sure.”

Brooke swivels in her seat to face the girl, eyes a little harder than they were a second ago and coffee left on the table. “I’m a corporate lawyer,” she answers, an air of finality in her words. Vanessa tilts her head quizzically.

“Which means…”

“I help companies buy other companies, mergers, finances, stocks - that shit.”

Whatever cloud took over the Canadian, it appears to leave when a cocky grin spreads across the Latina’s face. “I was right!” she exclaims, bouncing a little in her seat, and Brooke is inclined to attribute it to the ridiculous amount of sugar she’s piled into the coffee.

“What kind of companies?” she asks after a short pause - choosing to pile more pastry into her mouth as Brooke sips on a protein shake the waiter brought in.

“Uh, I buy companies that are in financial difficulties.”

“If they have problems, you must get ‘em for a bargain, huh?”

Brooke didn’t expect her to be so interested - even her mother won’t listen to her talk about work at family dinners - speaking of, she should really call her. She adds it to her list of things to do, below ‘find this protein shake recipe’, but above ‘learn how to use twitter’. She almost feels bad, but she doesn’t.

“Well, the company I’m helping someone buy this week, I’m trying to get it for the bargain price of about one billion.”

Vanessa looks a little starstruck., “A billion dollars?” she asks, mouth opened in a mix of excitement and shock. She doesn’t quite understand how anything can be worth so much, never mind how the woman in front of her - looking awfully disarming at this point in time - could do that.

“Wow. You must be really smart, huh?”

Brooke chuckles in response, it’s warm and melodic, and reminds Vanessa of a Tampa beach. They both stand up, moving away from the table and Brooke walks into the bedroom. She half closes the door, and so Vanessa just waits outside - she doesn’t want to intrude.

“I only got through the eleventh grade,” she says, wistfully. “How far did you go in school?”

“All the way through, law school and everything.” It’s muffled, and then Brooke walks back out - wearing burgundy slacks, a crisp white button-down and a matching blazer. She has a tie dangling around her neck and curses lightly as she tries to fasten all the buttons.

“Your folks must be really proud, huh?” She watches as Brooke clamps up again, feels like she hit a nerve - knows she did. Brooke sighs and Vanessa moves on.

“So what do you do with the companies once you buy them?”

“I sell them.” She struggles with the tie and after redoing it twice, Vanessa beckons to her.

“Let me do it,” she requests, although they both know she’s not asking. “So you sell them,” she leads on, tries to distract herself from how close they are, how she can feel Brooke’s hot breath on the top of her head.

“Well, I - I don’t help sell the whole company; I break it up into pieces, and then sell that off - it’s worth more that way.”

“So it’s sort of like, um, stealing cars and selling ‘em for the parts, right?” She sticks her tongue out in concentration - remembers tying ties on her brothers back in Florida.

Brooke exhales a laugh, but it comes out a little more breathy than she would have liked. “Uhuh, but more legal,” she replies.

She pats the tie when it’s done, a strange look of adoration in her eyes. Brooke smiles - she wants to ask where Vanessa learned to do that - it’s fascinating to her how multifaceted this girl is.

“Mind if I take a swim in your tub before I go?” she asks, hopeful - and who’s Brooke to deny that?

“Stay in the shallow end,” she banters back before slipping on her heels and running to her now ringing phone. Ru’s on the other end and she curses herself for getting so caught up in, in - she catches herself before she can think of an end to that thought. She answers the phone.

“Hello? Look, Ru, I’m just running out the door.”

“I just wanted to let you know, Shuga is all set for tonight.” Brooke lets out a sigh of relief she didn’t know she was holding, but immediately regrets it.

“She’s bringing her protegee, the one she’s grooming to take over.”

“Ah, yes,” She knows who Ru is talking about - can’t tell if she’s happy or scared by the information. “Very intense young woman named Yvie. She plays polo.”

“Look, I gotta say this again. I don’t like you goin’ alone,” reminds Ru, the tone is a warning, but the sentiment is more concern. Brooke would be grateful if she really cared what he thought, if his words didn’t feel a little like paper cuts rather than constructive notes.

Brooke ponders this for a second, unsure of the path to take. She wants to tell him she’ll be fine on her own - because she would be, her mama didn’t raise someone who was scared of a woman who plays polo - but she understands that strategy dictates she take backup. You don’t bring a knife to a gunfight, and Yvie is a gun ready to go off.

In the midst of this, she hears a woman’s voice, softly (but very enthusiastically) singing. It’s coming from the bathroom, and whilst conceding to Ru over the phone, she moves to stand in the doorway. Vanessa is having the time of her life in the bath - eyes closed like she’s in a spa or on a beach somewhere - Brooke assumes she probably thinks she is. The song becomes more obvious as she reaches the chorus and begins to sing (if you can call that singing) Janelle Monae at the top of her lungs.

It’s like I’m powerful with a little bit of tender

An emotional, sexual bender

Brooke has to stop herself from bursting into laughter down the phone, as her boss witters on about procedures and other things that she’s memorised way before now. She’s too focused on the brunette in her bath to really give a damn.

“Who is that?” asks Ru down the line, and it takes Brooke a heck of a lot of restraint not to say anything incriminating.

“My waiter is singing,” she replies, hopes he can’t tell how she’s smiling.

That’s just the way you make me feel

“Look, Ru - I know a lot of nice girls,” she says, looking straight at Vanessa, who still hasn’t noticed she’s not alone.

“No, you don’t.”

She sighs, runs a hand through her hair that she’d left out of a restrictive bun today.

“You just concentrate on finding out what Cain is up to. I’m on my way.” She hangs up.

Moving back over towards the shorter girl, she taps on her shoulder (the one not submerged in enough bubbles to entertain an entire kindergarten).

“That’s just the way - “ Vanessa stops with a start, slowly removes the headphones from her ears and tries to regain any of the dignity she’s just lost. “Don’t you just love Monae,” she quips.

“More than life itself,” Brooke deadpans back, pulling over a chair, so she doesn’t have to kneel in the trousers she’s wearing.

“Don’t you knock?”

“Vanessa,” Brooke starts - calm and coolly confident. “I have a business proposition for you.”

The girl sits up in her bath, bubbles barely conserving her modesty, and Brooke feels like she’s invading some sort of privacy, even though the girl made her forget her own name with just her mouth last night.

“I’m going to be in town until Sunday, and I’d like you to spend the week with me.”

There is no wobble in her voice that suggests uncertainty, she is collected and knows what she’s doing - this is Lawyer Brooke, there is no doubt.

“Really?” The other girl squeals in excitement and the blonde laughs with her.

“Yes, I’d like to hire you as an employee, would you - would you consider spending the week with me?” She laughs again to try and hide some of the awkwardness she is feeling. “I will pay you to be at my beck and call.”

“Look, I’d love to be your ‘beck and call girl’.” Vanessa smirks as she teases. “But you’re a rich, good-lookin’ gal, I’m sure you could get a million girls free.”

“I want a professional,” she replies simply. “I don’t need any romantic hassles this week.”

“If you’re talkin’ 24 hours a day, it’s gonna cost you,” the brunette bites back (there’s no sharpness behind it).

“Oh, yes, of course!”

“All right, here we go.”

“Give me a ballpark figure. How much?” Brooke would pay anything - money isn’t an issue here, but she likes the dynamic they have going.

“Six full nights, days too. - Four thousand.”

The Canadian raises an eyebrow at her boldness, she’s impressed, but she’d rather not show it. “Three hundred times six is eighteen hundred.”

“Well, you want days too.”

“Two thousand,” she raises.

“Three thousand.” Brooke gives in there, they could continue all day, but there’s no real point.

“Done.”

“Holy shit!” Vanessa exclaims, smiling at her like she hung the stars in the sky - she lets out a loud whoop before sinking under the bubbles. The other woman just laughs.

#rpdr fanfiction #brooke lynn hytes #vanessa vanjie mateo #branjie #fluff #pretty woman #pinkgrapefruit #concrit welcome #submission #treat me nice

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rebelwith0utacause · 4 years

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I need help with eating better/ healthier. I struggle so much! Especially with PCOS, I wanna do nothing but stress eat 😕 I did pretty good today with not eating out for once

This is gonna be a long one sorry :/

Tbh I eat like shit. I don’t have issues with eating out because that was never my thing, but I tend to stress eat a lot of sugar, like my comfort food are endless amounts of chocolate bars and coffee/cocoa loaded with sugar. And the issue with this is that it’s a vicious cycle (dare I say addiction?) of sugar highs and lows that require even more sugar. Not to mention that I don’t really eat fruit & veggies.

I’ve wanted to clean up my diet for a while now (mainly because of PCOS) because I’ve realized that it really affects my mental health as well. I won’t say that I wouldn’t mind getting slimmer, but basically a healthier body leads to a healthier mind, so that’s my priority. This is like really important whenever you start because you need to be in the right mindset and honest with yourself about why you’re doing things. If I said that it was only because of how I look and how others perceive me, than I’d achieve nothing (because I honestly don’t care), but if I told myself that it was because I actually wanna have normal periods after 10 years of not having regular flow/wondering what tf did I did wrong to deserve this, then I actually have a clear and strong goal ahead of me.

It all started right before NYE 2018 (?) where I stumbled upon a Buzzfeed video about PCOS. I don’t really care much about these videos tbh, but something made me see the whole thing. I took it with a grain of salt, mainly because I don’t think you need to get out of your way with pills/exotic food etc to get better. But there was one part where one of them said something along the lines of “you can’t expect your body to produce enough lining and shed it if you don’t have enough nutrients in you” (don’t take my word on it, I only watched it once but it started a long process of realization). So basically there I was, stressing out about work and eating straight up sugar, no nutritional value whatsoever, just enough to help me fuel my body, wishing I could finally get my period. It’s been 3 months without one by that point.

Needless to say, 2018 came and passed, I didn’t do much, just let that info stew in my head. I stumbled upon 2 other videos about food intake and Native American diet, which further shed light on how my body processes food and how genes could have a lot to do with how my body processes certain foods. So that’s the most important part, educating yourself about how food works. I’m a major sucker for biology, so I realized that this was very important to me, to explain to myself and rationalize why I should eat sth and not eat another thing.

Late last summer was a weird time for me. Work was kicking my butt and my mental state was a mess because of it. I’d resort to sugar for literally anything, and when even that didn’t help, I reached out to cigarettes again (I’ve been clean for 3.5 years by then). My body desperately needed a change, and it wasn’t only about PCOS this time. Once again, I stumbled upon a video about some homesteaders starting up a diet (which for the life of me I can’t remember the name of) to “cleanse” their bodies from shitty food. Of course, I scoffed at this and to this day I think that that was a load of shit. What’s the point of doing something short term when you know you’re gonna be back on your bullshit in a month?

But it got me thinking; I have a lot of allergies and the reason why I don’t eat too many fruits and veggies is because I have mild allergic reactions to them. I’ve had the thought that maybe some of those reactions were due to the combo of the vegetable + food preservatives in other items, it’s happened in the past, so there was a chance. The thing about oral allergy syndrome is that you don't actually have a food allergy, but your body confuses the proteins (?) in some of those foods (especially when it’s picking season) as allergens of something you already have an allergy on because of their chemical structure and triggers a reaction. For example, I’m extremely allergic to birch, and (according to my doctor) my brain confuses nuts, tomatoes and onions as allergens, making my windpipe feel as if it’s closing up. Now I don’t know the science behind this, but eating tomatoes + pâté, or sometimes even those chocolate bars I’ve been having triggers the same reaction.

The culmination of 2 years of thinking about this, made me decide to eliminate anything that might be considered an allergen or a trigger for a month, and then slowly add them back into my life, one by one, so I can finally find out what works for me and what doesn’t. I quit sugar (all sorts, processed, honey, honey substitutes and sugar substitutes, I only allowed myself fruit), gluten (because I’ve read so many stories about PCOS and gluten being worst enemies so why the hell not), lactose (same as gluten), nuts (except cashews because I know that they don’t cause a reaction for me) and all processed foods (so no spreads, no ketchup & mayo, none of that vegan/vegetarian food because in most cases it had gluten, no chocolate).

I thought it would be so hard, because what will I do without sugar?? Turns out I really shouldn’t have worried. 2 days into eating greens and lean meat, a handful of roasted cashews along with a glass of OJ and a couple of apples, I got my first proper period after 4 months. 25 days later - same, 28, then 30, then, 31 days later too. I had completely reset my metabolism.

I thought I wouldn’t have energy, but it turns out, my caloric intake was below the line, and instead of storing all of those calories in the form of fat for the off chance I might need them, as it always does whenever you start eating less than normal, it actually turned towards the fat storage in my body and used it up. The difference is that in the first case, your body eats up muscle to get energy, and in the second it uses the fat. Fat is basically energy, so you can see why I was no longer feeling lethargic or why I could actually have the brain capacity to perform daily tasks.

After about a month and a half, I started reintroducing foods in my diet (because no matter how great I felt, I knew that I had a goal), basically telling me everything I already thought was true. Gluten & lactose are a no-no for PCOS, sugar should be out of the question, and processed food needs to be taken in small quantities.

If there’s anything you take away from my experience, I’d say that you should educate yourself on food and why we need it and what it does to our body. Once you see it from that perspective, it might help you make better food decisions. But don’t start before you’re mentally ready for it. Also, try to find a solution that works for you (I can’t stress enough how what works for me or someone else might not work for you, don’t be discouraged if it doesn’t), take everything you read/hear with a grain of salt, be a curious skeptic and whenever you have even the smallest indication that what you’re doing isn’t right, stop it altogether. The scale tips both ways and it’s so easy to go from one extreme to the other. Work with what you have, you don’t need to spend money on organic food or some exotic fruits or whatever. Get the cheapest fruits and veggies but make sure you reach for them instead of sweets and processed food. You don’t even have to make gourmet meals. You’re gonna stumble a few times, but trying is better than not doing anything (when it comes to PCOS). Hope this helps in any way. Good luck 💜

#i hope i'm making any sense because it took me hours again to write this #kept getting distracted by videos lol #tw food #tw ed #pcos #atlcalm #asks

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elainescookingforthesoul · 5 years

Text

TRANSCRIPT for Episode 1.01 "Sam's Chia Pudding" (PART 2/2)

ACT II

SAM: Thanks! I did it myself. I can do yours too, if you want! You haven't been using hair conditioner, have you?

ELAINE: Why?

SAM: Oh, Elaine. Everyone knows that after a nuclear event you have to, one, shave your head and beard, and two, avoid conditioner. It locks in moisture right alongside airborne radioactive materials.

ELAINE: Oh my. Then I suppose I will take you up on that haircut offer.

SAM: We can do it here if we have any down time tomorrow. Seems like we're seeing fewer and fewer patients these days.

ELAINE: But more of each other! So it's a trade-off. But Sam. As much as I'd love to keep admiring your new clean-shaven look you have, we should probably wrap up this delicious recipe you brought, a Choco-Coco Chia Pudding!

SAM: That's right, Elaine! Before the break we combined a cup of whole chia seeds, a quarter cup of the highest quality unsweetened cocoa powder you can find. For us, that's medium quality, folks.

ELAINE: True. Then we added an entire 32oz carton of coconut milk, plus a whole 13.5oz can of coconut milk. We whisked all of these ingredients together and let them rest for twenty minutes.

SAM: Fun fact: chia seeds are one of those super-foods that people went crazy for a while ago. They are just extremely healthy, but also happen to taste tolerable and can be added to many different dishes as seeds or in a ground powder form.

ELAINE: Plenty of fiber and protein. By itself, it has extremely few calories, but lucky for us the coconut milks can provide us with that much needed element.

SAM: I think this is ready! In a past life, I may have chilled this for another hour after letting these chia seeds soak up what coconut milk they could, but since all our refrigeration and freezer units were seized last week...heck, we're just going to enjoy as is!

ELAINE: Here are our two mugs I fetched from the tech lab.

[MUGS ARE SET DOWN]

SAM: Perfect. I'm just going to fill these guys up...

[PLOPPING OF CHIA IN MUGS]

SAM (CONT’D): ...and we're ready to dive right in!

[SPOONS SCRAPING]

ELAINE: Mm. Oh my, Sam! It is chocolatey, textured, yet not too heavy!

SAM: Oh shoot, Elaine I forgot the final surprise! Close your eyes!

ELAINE: What--

[BOX OPENS, POURS CLUNKY CONTENTS INTO MUGS]

SAM: It's a simple topping. I'm not adding much to each mug. Just a small fistful for extra crunch and a little kick of sugar. It's--

ELAINE: My favorite brand of breakfast cereal, Assloads of Oat Clusters with Almonds! Sam, this really sets the whole thing off!

SAM: I know, right?

ELAINE: Well. I must say, although things appear to be endlessly worsening in the outside world, it is moments like this, when I get to dine upon the very genius of my lovely friend and trusted colleague, that I feel most like myself.

SAM: Elaine, I know exactly what you mean. Now here's the thing.

ELAINE: The thing.

SAM: I know what you all are probably thinking. Oh, big fancy dental assistant guy. Happens to have medium-quality unsweetened cocoa powder on hand. Must be nice.

ELAINE: It's fair to say that most people can't afford such luxuries these days.

SAM: I just wanted to say...I feel that. I bartered probably more than what is reasonable. A can of tinned meat and four packs of Top Ramen, plus a pair of socks, the fresh ones I was gonna make into hand puppets. It is still possible to get chocolate if it's worth it to you, like if you're celebrating a birthday or a reunion with an old friend.

ELAINE: Oh Sam.

SAM: But let's say you don't have chocolate powder. I was hoping that I could share a few alternative takes on chia pudding. If you don't mind, of course.

ELAINE: Please do!

SAM: So maybe you can't rock that cocoa powder lifestyle just yet. Maybe you have some imitation vanilla to sub in! Maybe you've got part of some canned peaches you can add. Maybe you're the kind of person who has stocked up on granola before this whole nuclear apocalypse unfolded. Add that on top! And if I can be perfectly honest…

ELAINE: I'll brace myself.

SAM: The stuff is pretty good on its own. It's just a light, yet nutrient-dense snack that can serve up to six people. If you're eating this on your own, I'd say you have three solid meals here. It probably won't be super- safe to eat after sitting unrefrigerated for more than a day, but if you're anything like me, you're no stranger to playing with the boundaries of food safety just to make it through. Have I gotten a tummy ache once or twice?

ELAINE: Okay--

SAM: Sure I have! Has e.coli made a visit to the gut of Sam H. Gately? Just a few times.

ELAINE: I don't know if everybody wants--

SAM: Have I spent a few sultry nights between a five-gallon bucket and the toilet seat because I was spewing out of both ends?

ELAINE: Oh my.

SAM: It's just a part of living, baby!

ELAINE: I feel I should stop you there.

SAM: I'm talking about diarrhea, here, folks. We're all dealing with the same diarrhea. And there is really only one way to deal with diarrhea. Loudly and proudly. Am I right, Elaine?

ELAINE: Well, I can't deny I've been foolish enough to attempt to will certain items beyond their expiration date and...paid the price.

SAM: Right, and you paid through the butt for it.

ELAINE: Fine.

SAM: With diarrhea!

ELAINE: I wonder if there is a good- practices guide to how many times a non-medical podcast should use the word "diarrhea."

SAM: How many are we at now?

ELAINE: Oh. Let me see.

[CLACKS AWAY AT COMPUTER]

ELAINE (CONT’D): I knew this transcription software would come in handy. Six times! Oh my, I hope we haven't alienated our audience too much.

SAM: Nice. Well, the rest of the chia is yours to keep, Elaine! I really gotta get going.

ELAINE: Oh, you sure? I mean, I've kind of lost my appetite for this chocolate pudding here after all the talk about--

[RUSTLING OF CLOTHING]

SAM: I'm positive! I'm riding my Razor scooter home, so I can't really carry the leftovers anyway. I'll see you tomorrow?

ELAINE: I can only hope. Sam, thank you so much for joining me after work hours to put together this truly charming episode.

SAM: My pleasure. And if I could leave your audience with one last tip?

ELAINE: By all means.

SAM: The best way to deal with diarrhea is prevention. Boil your water and avoid all perishable items, especially vegetables. Barring that, don't be too proud to seek out Imodium. It'll stop you right up in a good way.

ELAINE: Sam Gately, folks!

[APPLAUSE SFX]

SAM: Goodnight!

[JANGLE OF OUTSIDE DOOR]

ELAINE: Listeners, there is so much to be said for consistency--the act of being consistent, I mean. The unfolding of the flower every morning, the bubbling coffee pot, the tired but genuine smile of an old friend. How you perceive these small evidences of continued existence--heartbreaking or beautiful, or perhaps a mixture of both--is the only choice left. At a time where everything seems so uncertain, it is tempting to pretend like nothing has changed. But things are changing, and rapidly. It is possible that this podcast will be heard well after the raw wound of this nuclear apocalypse has been healed over by time. On the other hand, perhaps things are about to get inconceivably worse, and these episodes will simply be a few moments of perfectly encapsulated, tragic innocence. I dare to be optimistic enough to hope for the former. I hope this humble cooking podcast finds you safe, happy, and turning towards the rising sun. This has been Elaine's Cooking Podcast for the Soul. Please join us next week for another new and clear recipe for our nuclear lifestyle! In the meantime, I'm Elaine Martínez, not crying, hugging you goodnight.

[OUTRO MUSIC]

END OF ACT II

0 notes

honestlywhateverahh · 5 years

Text

27.01.

i felt pretty confident this morning, got up and did some crunches right away, overall i feel more energized than i used to. eating right and working out really do their thing and i feel a lot more comfortable in my own skin. i still deal with guilt very often but it will eventually get better (hopefully). yesterday i even had the two last rice cakes, even though it really wasn't neccessary - i felt like eating them and i did. sugary treats, cookies, cake and pasta are still a big deal for me and that's probably not gonna change soon, in the end that stuff ain't even good for my body so it's not really bad (and i can occasionally eat it). can't stop counting my cals though and something is telling me that i should eat less than yesterday ... well, as i don't have any more yoghurt rice cakes and chocolate i probably won't anyway. plan on eating spinach/broccoli and fish for lunch.

1 1/2 oranges (120)

frozen banana with cinnamon (100)

i'm still not completely back on track with my health so ...

2 bonbons (20)

2 dried figs (80?)

LUNCH:

a huge bowl of spinach (180)

fish (120) made in some oil (80)

grapes for dessert lmao like 20 (40)

SO i'm fucking full and imma drink some water and watch a movie/scroll through tumblr/read for the next few hours

count so far: 740kcals

i really have to eat an apple in like an hour or as soon as i feel like eating again ... and some nuts ... maybe also some sweet pepper bell? gotta get rid of that and i need some more cals for today, also vitamins are always great. so far it's been going well today.

apple with cinnamon (80)

4 plain rice cakes (100)

920kcals so far

i crave salmon but i already had fish for lunch? should i eat salmon later anyway?

update I ATE SALMON, also another banana

smoked salmon (280)

frozen banana with cinnamon (100)

1300, doing okay

did some planks and crunches, gonna do more later

now i'm gonna head downstairs and take some rice cakes & water with me (snack time)

2 more rice cakes ft. mango spread (80)

some halfway frozen grapes (40)

1420kcal

do i need more? should i maybe eat half a slice of bread to get some carbs into that bod? some nuts? tomorrow imma go for some eggs and mushrooms, that's for sure. gosh, it feels better not to binge all the time. i still crave food and right now i especially crave candy, but i don't NEED it. i can eat one bar of chocolate and stop, i don't overeat and feel sick afterwards. debating whether or not i should eat a nature valley protein bar maybe ... i kinda want to but ... 200 cals? what if i want sth else later? no i'm gonna eat rice cakes, seriously, fuck this.

nature valley protein bar (200)

2 rice cakes (50)

beef jerkey cuz fuck you (80)

1750 oh fucking yes

0 notes

gethealthy18-blog · 5 years

Text

294: Using Targeted Nutrition to Alleviate Hormone Related Issues With Dr. Chris Masterjohn

New Post has been published on http://healingawerness.com/news/294-using-targeted-nutrition-to-alleviate-hormone-related-issues-with-dr-chris-masterjohn/

294: Using Targeted Nutrition to Alleviate Hormone Related Issues With Dr. Chris Masterjohn

Child: Welcome to my Mommy’s podcast.

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This podcast is brought to you by the Kion Clean Energy Bar. We all know that finding healthy snacks for you and your kids is no simple task. Most snacks, even the so-called “healthy” ones, are high in sugar, have poor nutrient quality, and will leave you and you feeling tired or hungrier than you were before. That’s why my friends at Kion created the Kion Clean Energy Bar, a delicious, all-natural, snack that will satisfy your appetite and give you stable, long-lasting energy. My kids loves these and I love that Kion bars are made from all real-food ingredients like coconut, almonds, and chia. They have zero refined sugar. They have a lot of healthy fats and clean protein to fuel the body and brain. They are naturally gluten, dairy, and soy-free. They contain electrolytes, vitamins, and minerals. And even though they are chocolate, they won’t melt in the heat or freeze in the cold. And they have a delicious chocolatey flavor and crunchy texture that you and your kids are gonna love. You can get 15% off of the Kion Clean Energy Bar by going to getkion.com/wellnessmama and using code MAMA15 at checkout.

Katie: Hello and welcome to the Wellness Mama Podcast. I’m Katie from wellnessmama.com and this episode is a much requested round two with Dr. Chris Masterjohn. Like our first episode, we go deep on various aspects of nutrition and Chris is one of the smartest people I know when it comes to most of these topics. He earned a PhD in Nutritional Sciences from the University of Connecticut and served as Assistant Professor of Health and Nutrition Sciences at Brooklyn College. He has a really amazing guide called “The Ultimate Cheatsheet” which helps you decode your own body’s nutritional needs as well as a really informative website and podcast I highly recommend both and I know that you are going to love this episode as much as I did. Chris, welcome back. Thanks for joining us again.

Chris: Thanks for having me, Katie. It’s good to be here.

Katie: Well, your first interview was so helpful. We went deep on a lot of nutritional topics, and I’ve heard from a lot of the audience how some of your tips on like pantothenic acid helping skin has been really amazing for them. And I knew I had to have you back to go deeper on different nutrients and to learn more.

And, on this episode, I’d really love to talk a little bit more women-specific because I think women potentially deal with a bunch of symptoms that men may not face because of all the hormone changes that we go through, whether it be monthly, whether it be during pregnancy. We just have a lot more going on. I think than guys do, and I know if you look at the chart, like, you guys have hormone fluctuations, but women is almost like a roller coaster every month just because we have all these hormones coming into play.

So I’d actually love to start with just, like, an overview of things that you’ve found that seem to be nutrient deficiencies related to those hormone changes each month that come with the monthly period, with ovulation. What are some things we need to know and be aware of when it comes to that?

Chris: Yeah. So my interest in this first peaked when I was talking to a consulting client of mine who was having real, bad problems with headaches. And she hadn’t identified any triggers, and so we talked about food triggers as nothing. And she didn’t offer the fact that it correlated with her menstrual cycle maybe because she didn’t think it would make any sense until I asked. And then she was like, “Yeah. They always occur on day 13. That’s when they’re the worst.” And then a couple of days before I have my period, they often occur, and they’re not quite as bad.”

And so I looked at the chart and, you know, sure enough, that corresponds to the big estrogen peak around ovulation and then the smaller estrogen peak that happens to also be balanced with more progesterone in the days leading up to menstruation. And so, you know, at the time, I was researching histamine a lot, and so the first thing I think is, “Well, let me see what estrogen does to diamine oxidase activity.” Diamine oxidase or DAO is an enzyme that you need a number of nutrients for, including B6 and copper especially, and vitamin C.

So diamine oxidase is one of the main ways that you clear histamine. And so, sure enough, estrogen massively down-regulates diamine oxidase activity. And so, I suggested to my client she should try supplementing with diamine oxidase proactively around those times of her menstrual cycle, and it works. So, you know, that was the first place that got me interested in this. But, you know, once you look into this a little bit more deeply, I think we can paint a little bit of a broader picture and one that applies to several different contexts. So one area that’s been of quite a bit of interest, I think, for years at this point has been the fact that, for reasons that no one has really identified that well, high dose vitamin B6 supplementation has been at least promising, if not often effective, in treating morning sickness associated with pregnancy.

And so it seems like the morning sickness of pregnancy must be tied in some way to something that has to do with B6. So one hypothesis that came out a couple of years ago that I think is a very compelling argument is that estrogen increases hydrogen sulfide production, and hydrogen sulfide can generate sulfite, which is toxic, and which happens to be something that’s added to a lot of medications, cosmetics, and processed foods as a preservative that a lot of people don’t tell. You know, some people, like certain wines give them really bad headaches, and it’s because of the sulfites in the wine.

Well, when you’re pregnant, you’re making sulfite. And you’re not making sulfite to make sulfite. You’re making hydrogen sulfide gas, which, although like we would typically associate it with the smell of rotten eggs at high doses, has been discovered in recent years to be a very important signaling molecule that is, among other things, a vasodilator. So hydrogen sulfide gas falls into a very small category of things that can dilate blood vessels, along with nitric oxide, which has been known about for a much longer period of time.

And hydrogen sulfide is particularly important in delivering blood to the placenta when you’re pregnant. And it also has other activities related to pregnancy. For example, it suppresses preterm labor. And it’s necessary to keep hydrogen sulfide levels higher than they would be when you’re not pregnant or for probably anytime if you’re a man, in order to prevent you from going into labor early, but also just to keep the blood flow, the placenta going to nourish the growing baby.

And now it so happens that a small portion of hydrogen sulfide is going to be turned into sulfite, which is a toxic compound. And sulfite, we all generate sulfite in the course of normal metabolism from any of the sources of sulfur in our diet, especially the sulfur-containing amino acids that are in the protein we eat. And in order to neutralize that sulfite, we use a mineral, molybdenum, to convert the sulfite, which is toxic, to sulfate. Sulfate is both not toxic and is also highly useful. We use it for detoxification. We use it for regulating hormones. We use it to synthesize structural things that are protective against cardiovascular disease, highly protective against arthritis in our joints, and so on.

So, you basically have this balance between sulfite, which is toxic, and sulfate, which is extremely necessary and useful. And the more sulfite you generate, the more you need to convert it to sulfate. Even if you don’t need extra sulfate, you still need to get rid of sulfite because it’s toxic, and you do that with molybdenum. So that would imply that during pregnancy, because of increased hydrogen sulfide, you are going to generate more sulfite. Your molybdenum needs will increase to make sulfate.

Now, what happens to molybdenum intakes during pregnancy? Well, by far and away, the best source of molybdenum is beans. And in pregnancy, a lot of women develop aversions to beans and other molybdenum-rich foods just because they’re more difficult to tolerate digestively and, you know, maybe as well as taste aversions and things like that. So in someone who’s pregnant, molybdenum intakes tend to go down just because they’re less tolerant of molybdenum-rich foods. And then, at the same time, molybdenum needs to go up because of the increased sulfite generation. Now, why would that relate to vitamin B6? Well, it turns out that sulfite binds to B6 and essentially destroys it, basically eliminates it from the body.

So sulfite can induce a B6 deficiency, and high doses of B6 can be used to clear away sulfite that you were not able to convert into the non-toxic sulfate using molybdenum. So, basically, this hypothesis is that molybdenum needs would go up. But since most pregnant women aren’t meeting those needs for molybdenum, high doses of B6 can act as a…I want to say Band-Aid solution, but it’s not really Band-Aid because it’s not like you’re just managing the symptoms. You are clearing away the sulfite, but sort of like…you can’t… So, like, the doses of B6 used in morning sickness would be like 100 milligrams a day, completely impossible to get from food, so I don’t even want to call it a backup mechanism. Like, molybdenum at nutritional doses would be really, really useful here and would be most related to the root cause.

High doses of B6 are very natural, very safe, and effective, but they’re one step removed away from the root cause. It’s like because you didn’t have the molybdenum, you’re more reliant on the B6. And who knows exactly what that’s doing? You know, maybe the sulfite, because it’s giving you a B6 deficiency, that itself is taking away from important things that B6 would do to prevent morning sickness, or it might just be that the extra B6 is mopping up the sulfite, and the sulfite is what’s causing morning sickness.

Now, sulfite does a bunch of toxic things, but one of the things that it does is it can cause mast cells to release histamine. And histamine in the gut can give you all kinds of gut-related issues like diarrhea, for example, make you feel nauseated, you know, things that could be possibly related to morning sickness, especially if because of B6 deficiency. And actually, I think sulfite also inhibits diamine oxidase, and diamine oxidase requires B6 that’s needed to clear histamine from foods.

She might, on top of everything, become more intolerant to histamine, certain foods maybe. So who knows what the mechanisms are, but the sort of like takeaway point is that because sulfite is going up, your needs for molybdenum are going up. And if you don’t have enough molybdenum, your needs for B6 are going to go up, but they’re not going to go up within the nutritional range. They’re going to go up like ridiculously high. So, you know, maybe on a ridiculously high B6 intake from natural foods, you could hit 10 milligrams of B6, but you might need 100 milligrams to mop up all that sulfite. So it’s not insane amounts, but it’s way out of what you could get from natural foods.

And now, looking at that, I’m like, “Well, what about outside of pregnancy? You know, what’s regulating this? Is it estrogen?” And, yes, it’s estrogen that’s regulating sulfite. I don’t know what the effect of progesterone is, so I had trouble finding direct research on it. But it can’t be the case that progesterone is effective at countering the effect of estrogen because progesterone rises in pregnancy alongside estrogen, and none of this would be an issue in pregnancy if progesterone was really protective.

The other thing is if you look at, like, Plan B has some side effects that are very similar to the morning sickness of pregnancy, and Plan B doesn’t have any estrogen. It’s an emergency post-sex contraceptive that only has a synthetic form of progesterone in it. So I don’t know what progesterone does to this, but I wouldn’t be surprised if progesterone was actually acting in concert with estrogen here and maybe augmenting its effects just because this seems to be like a highly pregnancy-related thing. But in any case, you can tie this to the estrogen peaks in the menstrual cycle, especially…

You know, the big peak is around ovulation. The more moderate peak is in the days leading up to menstruation. And then you can also tie it to other supplemental estrogens. So most birth control patch or pill has estrogen in it, and then, you know, hormone replacement therapy that women would typically go on after menopause has estrogen in it. And so, any of these sources of estrogen are going to affect diamine oxidase and possibly make you histamine intolerant, and they’re also going to increase sulfite production, increase your needs for molybdenum, and possibly increase your needs for B6.

I think those are the things that are most related to headaches, nausea, you know, any other form of digestive complaints, feeling queasy or just like general GI distress, and any kind of allergy-like symptoms, so itching, hives, etc. And, you know, we could branch off from there in numerous directions, but I think that’s the sort of most interesting thing I’ve been synthesizing lately related to this stuff.

Katie: That’s so fascinating. And it seems like a vicious cycle. Once you’re in that, it will be difficult to pull out of it without, like you said, supplementation. So if I’m understanding correctly, would this be maybe something if people have symptoms more so around ovulation when that estrogen spike is, or they’re taking an estrogen-based birth control, this would be something they could look at and try?

Chris: Yeah. In fact, I’d go a little bit further than that. So another thing that has been known for decades to happen when women are on birth control is that the amino acid, tryptophan, which is used to make serotonin, and is used to make melatonin, and is also used to make niacin, which is vitamin B3, estrogen increases the production of niacin, vitamin B3, from tryptophan. And in so doing, there’s a neurotoxic compound that kind of spills out of the pathway called kynurenine. And there are studies…this has been known for a long time and yet no one knows it because what happened was they tested different doses of B6 to see what could normalize tryptophan metabolism.

And I would imagine this to be beneficial for insomnia and headaches in particular. Anyway, so what they did was they tested a couple of low doses, up to 2 milligrams, and they tested 20 milligrams. And they found that 20 milligrams of B6 completely made tryptophan metabolism totally normal, but all of the doses that they considered reasonable to get from food didn’t. And so, they basically dismissed their own finding, about 20 milligrams, and said like…because there’s this bias in mainstream nutrition where they don’t want everyone running around taking supplements.

So they looked at that, and they said like, “That effect can’t be, like, a real effect.” Like, B6 obviously isn’t doing something here because 20 milligrams is a ridiculous dose, and we’re not going to tell people to take 20 milligrams, even though it’s well under what the Institute of Medicine has set as the dose that would have no safety concerns, which is 100 milligrams. So the reality is that the data have said, for decades, that 20 milligrams of B6 normalizes the negative effects of birth control on tryptophan metabolism, and there are no reviews that say that.

I have to go back and look at the original papers because all the reviews from people that I would expect about this…sorry, not expect, that I would respect and that would be considered prestigious, they just cite these people citing their own data saying that B6 didn’t fully normalize tryptophan metabolism. And you have to go back to the paper and see that 20 milligrams does. So I would go more than that to say that anyone who’s on supplemental estrogen should, by default, take 20 milligrams of B6 and tweak from there, but I would do it as a precautionary measure.

Katie: Wow, that’s amazing. And the safety data, just to reiterate what you said, is up to 100 milligrams that can be safely taken based on what they’ve demonstrated? Is that also during pregnancy?

Chris: Yeah. There’s no alteration to the safe limit in pregnancy for B6 or for molybdenum, which is the other nutrient we were talking about before. And, you know, there are people anecdotally who believe that they’ve developed problems from taking high doses of B6 that are in that range, but there’s no published data of case reports showing that. And the published data of case reports shows that B6 can have neurotoxic effects at very high doses. All of those studies have used pyridoxine, and I actually think pyridoxal 5-phosphate is the ideal for P5P.

All of those studies also showed that the consequences went away as soon as you removed the supplement. And the minimum dose of B6 in any of those studies was 500 milligrams a day. Nothing below that has been shown to have negative effects. So when the Institute of Medicine set the tolerable upper intake level or TUIL, which is…you know, a lot of people are familiar with the RDA.

The TUIL, the upper intake level, is always set alongside the RDA, And the definition is basically, this is the dose that we would expect to have no risk of adverse effects in the general population. And that doesn’t rule out that someone might have a hypersensitivity disorder or something like that. But, you know, if you take 100 people and you put them all on 100 milligrams of B6, you would expect approximately zero people to develop any problems from that.

You know, what they did with that was they took the lowest observed adverse effect at 500 milligrams, and they applied a safety factor of five-fold to that. So they said, “We don’t have any evidence of this occurring at less than 500 milligrams, so we’ll take 500 milligrams as the dangerous dose and say that, you know, even if there’s 1,000 things that we don’t know, 100 milligrams should be like the mega safe dose.” And then 20 milligrams has been shown to normalize tryptophan metabolism, which is five times under that. So it’s 25 times under what we have case reports showing problems of.

And so, you know, there’s, like, dramatic windows of safety applied to get down to 20 milligrams. You know, and it’s not well-studied, like, maybe the ideal dose that you need is 10 milligrams. I don’t know. But there’s some studies suggesting that 5 to 10 milligrams are not enough to normalize markers of B6 status in pregnant women, which suggests, to me, that the ideal dose for, like, minimizing risk of B6 deficiency symptoms during pregnancy and during any conditions of supplemental estrogen is probably at least 10 milligrams. And, you know, 20 has been shown to be effective in studies, so I’m happy with that, and I’m content that it’s not a safety risk.

Katie: When especially that’s a water-soluble vitamin. So, like you said, as soon as you stop taking it, your body should be okay, even if you had a high dose.

Chris: Yeah, I mean…so I actually think that’s a myth that has been propagated very widely and doesn’t have that much basis that the solubility of a nutrient is related to its toxicity profile. So, like vitamin E, although it might have some negative effects at high doses by interfering with the function of other fat-soluble vitamins, it doesn’t actually have a toxicity syndrome at all, and vitamin B6, which is water-soluble, does. So even though…I mean, like yes, what the case reports showed is that it’s reversible. I have no idea if that relates to its water solubility or not.

So, like niacin has a serious toxicity profile at very high doses, totally water-soluble, you know. So, like niacin and B6, both have toxicity profiles at very high doses. Thiamine, which is water-soluble doesn’t. Riboflavin, which is considered a water-soluble vitamin, but it’s actually, like, 50% fat-soluble. It’s just, like, halfway in between water and fat solubility on a chemical solubility level, and at hundreds of times the normal intake has produced no safety concerns whatsoever.

So I actually think that the solubility really is, like, largely unrelated to the safety of nutrient. But, yeah, it appears to be completely reversible on the basis that the case reports showing, like, tingling in the hands and feet on it that when you remove it, it goes away.

Katie: That’s a really interesting point and good to know because that’s definitely something I have heard quite a bit, is that if it’s water-soluble, it’s fine, and you have to be really careful with fat-soluble vitamins. Since there’s an estrogen component here, is it also logical to suggest that maybe people with, for instance, PCOS or other things that lead to estrogen dominance or have an estrogen dominant component could benefit from experimenting with this as well?

Chris: Yes, I think so. And actually, I think there’s quite a lot of unanswered questions here. So, for example, in males, testosterone also increases hydrogen sulfide production in certain cells. And so it’s, like, what does the increased androgens do in PCOS to this? I have no idea, you know. I’m highly confident in what estrogen is doing here. I’m rather confused about what testosterone is doing. And, I really have no idea what progesterone is doing.

So I’m highly confident that anything where you’re approaching estrogen levels seen at the peaks during the menstrual cycle, pregnancy, birth control, and hormone replacement therapy are highly relevant. I think PCOS has a complex hormonal profile that I don’t really understand exactly how it would relate to this. But I would definitely consider it because, if you think about the recommendations that I would make to compensate for this, basically molybdenum, you know, the average dose that you would try to get by default every day is like 45 micrograms.

The safe upper intake level is 2,000 micrograms or 2 milligrams. And the safety profile from that, I couldn’t find any reliable human data suggesting problems with excess molybdenum, so they actually took fertility problems in female rats at the body weight-adjusted equivalent of 50 milligrams a day and applied this extraordinarily huge safety factor to wind down to 2 milligrams a day as the safe upper limit for humans.

So, you know, to go from a normal…like, imagine a pregnant woman is reducing her molybdenum intake just sort of by, you know, food aversions, and maybe getting down to 30 micrograms a day. There’s a lot of room to go up between 30 and 2,000 micrograms. And so I’m guessing that, you know, 300 to 500 micrograms would be more than enough and way within the upper limit for molybdenum.

And like I said before, 20 milligrams of B6 should be more than enough. In most cases, you could go up to 100 and still way within the upper limit. And I would say that, you know, anything that seems sex hormone-related could plausibly relate to these things. My confidence being really high if estrogen being high is the main thing, and then the more complexities you add to that of hormonal imbalance, I’m less and less sure exactly what it means.

But if the symptoms of headaches, of insomnia, of queasiness or nausea, of GI distress, or of anything that seems related to allergies like hives, and itching, and redness, any of that cluster of symptoms that go along with definitely high estrogen and maybe other abnormalities in hormone metabolism, I would say, would be something where trying this completely safe thing of adding some extra 300 to 500 micrograms of molybdenum and 20 milligrams of B6 to, like, try and see if it works.

Katie: That makes perfect sense. To circle back on histamine for a minute, this is something I’m hearing a lot more about from the audience increasingly, so I’m wondering if it’s something that’s on the rise. Is this something that is universally worth trying for anyone suffering from histamine issues, and are there other things that come into play as well when we’re just talking about histamine?

Chris: Yeah, okay. So I think that there are some complexities when you get to histamine. And, it depends where it’s coming from, and it depends whether, for example, it’s a food-based thing or it’s more than that. So let’s, like, sort of start with the gut and work our way inside. So, in the gut, there’s histamine that you encounter in your food, and you can also have gut bacteria producing histamine. And if the gut bacteria are producing it, I don’t know exactly what to do about that. But, you know, shifting the microbiome with prebiotics and probiotics would be the thing that really fits the bill.

But anyway, let’s just assume the histamine is coming in from your food because there’s plenty of histamine in foods. And if the histamine is coming in your food, then nausea and diarrhea are probably the big things you would expect at the gut level, but then histamine can get inside your blood. And when it’s systemic, then that’s where you can start to get more allergy-like symptoms like hives, itching, or redness, flushing. That’s also when you could get changes in blood pressure.

By default, histamine lowers blood pressure, but sometimes you get an adrenaline response to that that causes secondary increase in blood pressure above normal. So any changes in blood pressure could be plausibly related. And then histamine can increase the permeability of the blood-brain barrier generally and let stuff in, including itself. And if histamine gets into the brain, histamine in the brain usually, by default, is produced inside the brain in a highly regulated fashion to regulate your wakefulness and alertness.

And this is why if you take Benadryl, for example, you get sleepy, and it might knock you out because it’s antagonizing the histamine in your brain. On the flip side of that though, too much histamine in the brain could cause insomnia, or cause generalized anxiety, or could cause panic attacks. So, you know, trace it from the gut through the brain, and you’re getting nausea, diarrhea, then you get inside, hives, itching, redness flushing, then blood pressure changes, and you get into the brain, insomnia, anxiety, panic attacks.

So, any of those things, the first line of defense is the production of diamine oxidase in the gut. So you can think of histamine as having two main defenses. Diamine oxidase is the extracellular defense. Methylation is the intracellular defense. When you’re eating food, that’s outside your cells, and it’s going through your gut, which is actually literally everything from your mouth to your anus is outside your body because we’re all sort of, like, a cylindrical tube, where the inside surfaces, mouth, the anus, that’s outside the body. The skin is the outside surface outside the body, and things get absorbed to get inside the body.

So, in the gut, you’re outside the body, you’re outside your cells. You’re producing massive amounts of diamine oxidase or DAO for the purpose of completely neutralizing all the histamine in your food. And the diamine oxidase could be missing from the gut due to nutrient deficiencies, or due to intestinal damage. Nutrient deficiencies, the ones that are most relevant are B6 and copper. There’s some possible…and actually manganese is also important there, possible roles for vitamin C and possible role for riboflavin, although that hasn’t been shown with the human enzyme.

Now, on top of that, you could just have intestinal damage that’s damaging the cells that produce diamine oxidase. That kind of unravels a whole another area that I’m not really an expert in. My expertise is really in the micronutrients, the vitamins and minerals. For example, if you have an autoimmune condition like celiac disease that’s destroying the intestinal cells, or you have some pathogen in there that’s, you know, your immune system is trying to defeat the infection and is causing damage to your intestinal cells, possibilities like that are reasons for having low diamine oxidase activity.

And then, of course, I don’t really know anything about how to modify this, but you could also have gut bacteria that are producing histamine as well. Then when you get inside…and actually this isn’t just inside. So, inside your body, or even in the gut, you can have increased mast cell burden. Mast cells are those cells that produce histamine. And now we’re getting into the area where we’re not talking about the histamine in foods, we’re talking about the histamine that you produce yourself. And so the normal way that you would think about this, like, the kind of conventional thing that would happen is in an allergy.

And in a traditional conventional allergy, you have your immune system reacting to some allergen, produces IgE antibodies that then activate a cascade of things that leads ultimately to the release of histamine by mast cells. You can also have things that cause mast cells to release histamine that you’re not allergic to, and that’s what sulfite does that we were talking about before. So sulfite will just act on the mast cell to make it release histamine, but it’s not an allergy because there was no antibody made by your immune system.

It looks like an allergy because you get itching, hives, you know, redness, any of the traditional allergic symptoms that are caused by histamine, and it kind of walks and talks like an allergy because you might get it in response to certain specific foods if those are foods that have histamine in them or have sulfites in them that cause histamine release or whatever, but it’s not an allergy because, in the case of sulfite or dietary histamine, there’s no antibody-mediated response. So it looks, talks, walks, smells like an allergy, but it’s not.

And in the mast cell, there’s two categories of things that we should care about. One is antioxidants because oxidative stress increases histamine release from mast cells, and the other is methylation. And those two things are both, like, big cans of worms that we could each spend an hour talking about just on its own. But to briefly summarize, antioxidants, I think, a lot of people think about is like, “Oh, those are the things that are in berries, and fruits, and vegetables, and stuff like that,” which I think is a misleadingly simplistic way to think about it. Your antioxidant defense is very much based on minerals and protein-related things that you make yourself. And I don’t mean you make the minerals. I mean, you eat the minerals and you make enzymes that require the minerals.

So very briefly, protein, zinc, copper, selenium, iron, and manganese, vitamin E, and vitamin C, and all those colorful things in fruits and vegetables that people call antioxidants, those things together are the things we care about in terms of antioxidant defense. And then, on the second category, methylation, that’s where we get into B12, folate, and choline as the top nutrients, and then we can peel layers away to get at many minerals and B vitamins working underneath those as the main support.

You know, so that is, I think, a pretty broad view of histamine generally and all the potential things that you could work on related to it. And then you want to ask questions like, where is histamine coming from? Because it might be primarily hormonal, like we were talking about before, or you might have, you know, a rare condition like mast cell activation disorder, mast cell activation syndrome, which might require finding a very good specialist to start digging away at.

Katie: That was an amazing overview. Thank you for that. I think you’re right. There’s so much at play there, but I think so much of what you just said is probably going to be really helpful to a lot of people. And, for my own curiosity, I wonder if there’s a difference or any other considerations for women who tend to have their symptoms right around their periods or not at ovulation when estrogen strikes, but they have things like migraines, or PMS, or other symptoms right about when their period begins? Are there other nutrients that come into play in that scenario?

Chris: Yeah. So, first of all, I look specifically at this once to look at water retention. And, in general, I think that the other symptoms of PMS kind of go hand in hand here, but I didn’t look at them as much as I was looking at water retention. And I was actually surprised to find that the key difference between women who have PMS symptoms, including water retention, which I was more focused on, and those who don’t is that they actually have higher progesterone levels in the days leading up to menstruation. So the progesterone should be like an ovulation-related sort of, like, post-ovulation spike during the breakdown of everything produced during ovulation, but it should be cleared effectively by the time you get into menstruation.

And the women who have PMS-related symptoms, especially where I was looking at in water retention, they basically produce the same levels of all the hormones, but the primary difference is the clearance rate of progesterone is a lot lower. And my suspicion is the water retention issue is driven by the fact that one of the ways that you can get rid of excess progesterone, it’s… Actually, this isn’t really a way of getting rid…it shouldn’t be a way of getting rid of progesterone. But progesterone, if it’s elevated and not cleared through the normal ways, can spill over into aldosterone production, which can cause retention of sodium and loss of potassium, and with retention of sodium comes retention of water.

I don’t know if that would cause some of the other symptoms, although I could imagine it would because if you retain water, you’re going to get swelling everywhere. And if your blood volume is increasing, and you’re getting generalized swelling in extracellular space, you’re going to put pressure in a lot of places that wouldn’t otherwise have pressure. And, in your head, I think that would cause a headache. I’m not saying that’s the only thing, but it just might be a contributor there.

And so, specifically, in the case of water retention, salt is controversial. So there are some cases that I think are the exception to the rule where sometimes you can reduce water retention by increasing salt, but that’s not normally the case. And I think for most women in that case, probably reducing salt and increasing potassium is going to be the thing that’s best going to help the water retention. In terms of both, and I don’t know the mechanisms here, but in terms of both the water attention and the other symptoms of PMS, magnesium and B6 have been the top things that have been helpful.

I think the doses… I’m blanking here. I don’t have 100% confidence on this, but I believe that the papers I was looking at, the doses are around, like, 40 milligrams of B6. I would use P5P for the form of B6, and somewhere around 200 or 300 milligrams of magnesium, so higher doses of B6 and people are usually using lower doses of magnesium that a lot of people are using. But both of those seem to have some positive benefits in a number of human trials.

And then for PMS symptoms, the data is less good for manganese, but low manganese levels correlate with PMS symptoms. And it’s possible that manganese supplementation would help, but no one has clearly shown that. But notably, manganese along with B6 are co-factors for diamine oxidase, so it could all come back to histamine metabolism in some way in terms of some of those symptoms. But I don’t think histamine would be related to the water retention, but headaches and mood disturbances, maybe.

Katie: That’s really interesting. And I’m definitely gonna plug your book, “Testing Your Nutritional Status,” because I think that’s a great place for people to delve in and try to figure out what they specifically need to take.

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Katie: But I am curious, when it comes to women and hormone fluctuations, either during pregnancy or just during normal monthly cycles. Are there nutrients in general in any amounts, that you would say, on average most or all women should be taking or it’s safe to take than not take?

Chris: Can you go over the context again? You were talking about pregnancy, or you were talking about through the menstrual cycle.

Katie: I would say they need to be separate answers. During pregnancy, are there things that women need to be especially cognizant of and then also hormones?

Chris: Yeah. So, pregnancy, the nutritional recommendations are generally made around birth defects. And I think those are… I mean, I would reinforce those. So, like, the typical pregnant woman is going to get put on prenatals to have extra folic acid in them, for example. I would say you want to make sure you’re getting full…I would prefer using methyl folate as a supplement. But I think making sure you’re getting the RDA for folate through that is really important. I mean, that’s mainly used to prevent neural tube defects, which are mainly spina bifida, and then another rare one that is just fatal.

It’s, quantitatively, like, the likelihood of that happening is very small, but the consequences are so devastating that, you know, it’s just worth it to reinforce those recommendations. One nutrient that I haven’t talked about yet, but it applies across the board to all estrogen-related things here. And actually, this is a good bifurcation between pregnancy and other estrogen conditions. So, estrogen increases copper absorption from the gut, and the placenta during pregnancy causes all that extra copper to go to the baby.

So I don’t think that you need extra copper during pregnancy because you hyper absorb copper and you hyper transport it to the fetus. But estrogen outside of pregnancy causes you to hyper absorb copper just as much, and you don’t have a placenta. So, there’s nowhere to put it. It just accumulates. Now, in most cases, probably what happens is the woman’s liver just makes more proteins that bind copper such as ceruloplasmin to protect the copper from causing problems. But if the woman does not make enough ceruloplasmin and other copper-binding proteins, the free copper can cause a lot of problems. It can cause serious problems in the eyes. It can accumulate in the brain and contribute to neurodegenerative diseases later in life.

It can generally cause oxidative stress. So, what I would suggest is, normally, I would say the upper limit for what you really want to steer clear of copper is, like, 10 milligrams. I would cut that down to 5 milligrams for anyone who is on supplemental estrogen. You know, during the estrogen peaks in the menstrual cycle, if the menstrual cycle is normal, I’m not too worried about it because it just goes up for a couple of days, comes down, goes up for another couple days, comes down. It’s not a major…you’re gonna hyper absorb copper during that time, but, you know, more days than not, you just have normal estrogen levels for a woman and so it all kind of evens out.

But when you’re on birth control, or when you’re on hormone replacement therapy, those are essentially the only other conditions where you’d have chronic exposure to estrogen like you would in pregnancy. So, you’re going to hyper absorb copper and not have any place to put it. So I think it’s best to cut the upper limit for copper in half, down to 5 milligrams, and then just more generally not go out of your way to increase the 5 milligrams. So, I’m not too worried about foods. Copper-rich foods include liver, mushrooms, seaweed, shellfish.

You know, those other foods have things that balance copper and protect copper from causing problems like zinc, for example. So I’m not saying, you know, micromanage your fruits and don’t hit 5 milligrams. But I��m saying like, you know, if you’re taking supplements, don’t use supplements to go above 5 milligrams total intake. And, you know, don’t go out of your way to try to hit 5 milligrams or higher with your foods.

But for pregnancy, I would say, you know, the copper is just sort of, like, you want to get your minimum requirement for copper, and you don’t have to alter it because you are going to absorb it better, and you are going to do something with that copper. So another concern with pregnancy is vitamin A. And I don’t think the evidence is strong on this, but there is some very limited evidence that I think is very shaky that vitamin A intakes over 10,000 IU during the first eight weeks of pregnancy could cause birth defects.

And I want to reiterate here, like, triple reiterate here, the data is not good, the data is not good, the data is not good. However, most women have no need to go over 10,000 IU of vitamin A. I mean, yes, if you have signs of vitamin A deficiency because you’re poorly absorbing it, or there’s some other thing that is causing your needs to go up, and you’re monitoring blood levels, and you’re working with someone who’s sort of managing your nutrition with you, fine.

But if you’re planning on getting pregnant, and you don’t have any symptoms of vitamin A deficiency, and you don’t have any reason to think you have higher than normal needs of vitamin A, then, even though the data is not good, the data is not good, the data is not good, it’s prudent to not supplement with vitamin A to bring your intakes of retinol, which is the animal form of vitamin A that we’re most concerned with here, to not bring those over 10,000 IU per day.

After eight weeks, it doesn’t matter. So I think that’s one concern that women will encounter, and that’s basically, like, if they hear it. They might hear it put another way by someone who’s looked at the data less, like, “Vitamin A is toxic to your baby. Don’t take vitamin A when you’re pregnant.” So what I just said I think is the way to say that that actually sticks to the kernel of truth that’s there. And then, like we said before, managing morning sickness and just being proactive with, I would say, maybe like 100 to 300 micrograms of molybdenum on a proactive basis and 10 to 20 milligrams of B6 on a proactive basis as P5P.

And then, you know, I mean, for women who are philosophically natural-minded and don’t want to take extra supplements, I would say, like, you know, try to hit your targets for those foods. But honestly, like, telling a woman to eat a lot of beans when she’s pregnant might not go over very well. So taking 100 to 300 micrograms of molybdenum, taking 10 to 20 milligrams of P5P form of B6, and then… Well, one thing I didn’t mention before is that, folate, all the emphasis is on folate, but choline is very important to methylation, helps conserve folate.

And although we don’t have data in pregnant human women, we have data from rats suggesting that, if we were to extrapolate to humans, suggesting that if a woman got three times the basal requirement for choline during pregnancy, and during nursing, and then supported the growing child with three times the minimum recommendations for the first four years of life, that that could have extremely profound benefits to the brain, especially as an increase in audio spatial memory dealing with, you know, sounds and visual perception of space, preventing interference memory, which is the kind of memory loss where you forget where you parked your car when you go to the grocery store because you parked at that grocery store, you know, 350 times before, and you’re mixing all the 350 memories of where you parked your car.

And then, also, in these rats, it basically fully protects them from age-related senility at the end of life. So we’re talking about choline during pregnancy, nursing, and first four years of the child’s life, conferring brain benefits at, you know, 70, 80, 90 years old. So, I think, I actually have a good thing to link in the show notes would be my choline database. You can also Google “Masterjohn choline database,” and you can go see my recommendations there of how to get choline from foods. And if you could make a mix of choline and betaine that gets up around 1,200 or 1,300 milligrams a day from those foods, then I think that would be great to do. And you can make up the balance of supplements. I have specific recommendations for how to get choline supplements on there as well.

And I would summarize those by saying phosphatidylcholine is the best form of choline to take, and it’s the form that’s predominant in food. And you just have to be careful that, usually, when you take a supplement, the dose of phosphatidylcholine and not the dose of choline is mentioned on there. So you have to multiply it by…excuse me, you have to divide the dose on the bottle by eight to know the amount of choline you’re getting. And then trimethylglycine or TMG, you could just sort of like take that alongside the phosphatidylcholine half and half to get that.

And then the last thing I would mention is biotin. So about one-third of women spontaneously become biotin deficient during pregnancy, and biotin deficiency can cause a lot of skin problems and mood problems. So depression is a major risk of biotin deficiency as is dermatitis, which can affect a number of areas around the face and also the perineum, which is between the vagina and the anus. Particularly dermatitis in that area, like, being in the perineum would be kind of a red flag for biotin deficiency.

But also the fact that just with good markers, we know that a third of women just become biotin deficient when they’re pregnant because of their pregnancy, and it goes away after pregnancy. But, you know, how many women develop skin problems and depression during or after pregnancy? So, there, getting a few eggs a day would be your best bet. And honestly, if you try to meet the choline requirements I was just talking about, you will, by accident, meet the biotin requirements. But it’s also perfectly safe to put, you know, as much as 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 milligrams of biotin in your food, which is actually way higher than what you would need.

What you’re getting for food if you shoot for, like, four egg yolks a day is going to be more on the order of 30, 40, 50 micrograms, and a microgram is a thousandth of a milligram, you know. Basically, with a supplement, if you add like 1 milligram of biotin in there, you’re getting completely safe amount of biotin that is definitely in excess of what you need. That’s my general view of pregnancy.

Katie: That was super helpful. And the last one I’ll ask you about today, but I think I’m just gonna have to keep asking you back is vitamin D because I know I’ve seen studies on vitamin D deficiency, and like low birth weights, or premature labor, and there seem to be some really big implications, but also it is one that can store in the body for at least from what I’ve read. So I know it’s one that you want to test and you want to know what your levels are. Do you have any data that you’ve seen or guidelines you would give about what target vitamin D level to aim for and what form is best to get that from?

Chris: Yeah. So, you know, vitamin D is interesting because there has been so much enthusiasm and research on vitamin D promoting high levels of it that we kind of have this…you know, which was genuinely merited by the fact that there has been and still is widespread inadequate vitamin D levels. Like, there was a study in the UK a couple of decades ago that showed that in a third trimester of pregnancy, women in the UK, on average, would have their vitamin D levels dropped to zero.

That’s, like, you know, ridiculously in need of a Vitamin D, right? And yet, we have, like, this bifurcation between kind of the general population where they probably need more vitamin D, and then we have health-conscious populations where everyone’s supplementing. And the funny thing that…you know, the majority of those people are probably getting too much, even though they, you know, certainly are people with very high needs that are minorities but are important to include here.

And so, yeah, it’s fat-soluble. But, you know, more importantly, it does have a toxicity profile, and it does increase the risk of soft tissue calcification. And I also think we always have a danger when people are told to avoid vitamin A and to take vitamin D. The risk of soft tissue calcification is going to increase because vitamin A protects against soft tissue calcification caused by too much vitamin D. So, I think, on a background for vitamin D supplementation, you don’t want to get into the hype around paranoia about vitamin A because that in and of itself is going to make vitamin D less safe.

But in pregnancy, the vitamin D needs are very similar to a non-pregnant woman for the first two trimesters. And then, in the third trimester, the fetal skeleton starts to get mineralized. And when that happens, there’s, like, a massive mobilization of calcium, phosphorus, and vitamin D all going towards the mineralization, the fetal skeleton. And that’s when you see 25(OH)D levels, which is the marker that we use for vitamin D nutritional status drop in women’s blood.

Now, vitamin D is also complicated by the fact that the levels of the markers change during pregnancy. And so, it’s actually, like, it makes things difficult because the way that they change are not… It’s well-characterized what happens, but it’s not well-characterized what it means in terms of how to re-interpret the markers to know whether women need more or less. And, as a result, I think that the reason that makes things difficult is that we have this voluminous data on, you know, thousands of studies of tens or really hundreds of thousands of people on how to interpret those markers, and they just don’t apply to pregnant women.

So what happens in pregnancy is that 25(OH)D, which is the traditional marker that is mostly used to assess vitamin D status, goes down, calcium levels go down, and parathyroid hormone levels go down. Parathyroid hormone or PTH is generally a marker of…like, the higher it is, the more you need vitamin D and calcium. And meanwhile, calcitriol, which is the active hormonal form of vitamin D goes up. And I think these are probably adaptations to supply calcium to the fetus while simultaneously minimizing the risk of bone loss to the mother because PTH, which rises when you have deficient calcium and vitamin D, helps mobilize calcium to get into your blood by taking it out of your bones.

So, basically, what pregnancy is doing… And calcitriol, the active hormonal form of vitamin D, it does take calcium out of your bones, but it also increases absorption of calcium from your food. So, basically, PTH and calcitriol are two different ways that you can mobilize more calcium into the blood, which, in the case of pregnancy, you’re trying to get it to go to the fetus. And what pregnancy is doing is, and I don’t know what mediates this, estrogen, progesterone or, you know, chorionic and…I don’t know what it is. Something in pregnancy is shifting the balance to a calcitriol dominant state to take more calcium out of your food and less calcium out of your bones. That way, overall, you get net more calcium moving to the fetus, but to the degree you’re not taxing the mother’s bones.

You can support that system by supplying more vitamin D to the mother, and that’s going to funnel in to bring 25(OH)D levels back up, which we measure as the main marker of nutritional status. It’s also the precursor to calcitriol, so it’s going to spill into calcitriol production. The more calcitriol you get and the less PTH you get, the more you’re going to protect the mother’s skeleton, while also simultaneously maximally extracting calcium from food to shift towards the fetus. At the same time, you can support that by getting more calcium in the diet.

We talked about this last time. I think the calcium requirements, the official calcium requirements are not changed during pregnancy if I remember that right, but, I think they clearly are, physiologically. And more to the point, I think a lot of women who are, you know, maybe altering what they eat because of pregnancy and their food aversions and so on, and then, on top of that, women in our audiences who are health conscious are often…especially like in the Paleo world, this is also true in the vegan world. A lot of people are worried about calcium supplements.

And I would say that in pregnancy, especially in the third trimester, to support mineralization of the fetal skeleton with minimal risk to the woman’s bones, you at least want to hit the RDA for calcium, and I would say go a little bit above it. So consistently hitting like 1,200 or 1,300 milligrams of calcium I think would be the ideal thing, alongside taking whatever vitamin D will keep your 25(OH)D levels up into the normal range, which, you know, to me, you’re looking at 30 to 40 nanograms per milliliter, in my opinion. And then, you know, it’s perfectly safe to take an extra 1,000 or 2,000 IU of vitamin D if you’re not measuring your blood level, but it’d be ideal to measure your blood levels.

Katie: Amazing. That is so practical and helpful. And, once again, our time has completely flown by, and you’re just gonna have to come back at some point.

Chris: I would be happy to.

Katie: Thank you so much for the time today. I know how busy you are. And I’m so grateful for you coming back again to share even more, and I look forward to more episodes in the future.

Chris: Awesome. Can’t wait.

Katie: And thanks to all of you for joining us and listening today, and I hope that you will join me again on the next episode of the “Wellness Mama Podcast.” If you’re enjoying these interviews, would you please take two minutes to leave a rating or review on iTunes for me? Doing this helps more people to find the podcast, which means even more moms and families could benefit from the information. I really appreciate your time, and thanks as always for listening.

Source: https://wellnessmama.com/podcast/targeted-nutrition/

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some-days-we-get-sundays · 7 years

Text

Weight loss articles are not meant for overweight people.

Have yall noticed that weight loss articles and studies on weight loss are often done on people who are already thin and may have never been overweight in their lives?

They write things like eat 3-5 snacks a day to lose weight. Thin people can do that because to them a snack is carrots and hummus. To overweight people they hear snack and are like oh ok pizza rolls or chips. Or they write articles and studies like, eating a big breakfast can help you lose weight because you'll feel full and won't eat a lot at lunch :) :) :). But thin people think about food differently, they eat food differently, they have a completely different mentality when it comes to food than people who are overweight. A big breakfast to me is bacon, eggs, sausage, French toast, hash browns, and maybe a donut. And because of my relationship with food and already being overweight I'm still gonna eat a large lunch and a large dinner. That's what these articles don't take into account. Overweight people are going to over eat and still be hungry. If you have bacon, eggs, sausage, harsh browns, French toast, and a donut ... lol you shouldn't be eating 1,000+ calories in one meal. But overweight people just hear eat a big breakfast and this will help with weight loss you won’t feel as hungry when dinner or lunch comes, but this is not true for overweight people. This will only help thin people who can control what they eat a lot better than overweight people. And are smarter in their food choices. And even if a thin person does overeat at breakfast, they will be able to say hey I had a big breakfast I’ll just eat a small lunch or small dinner, overweight people don’t think this way.

Overweight people hardly notice when they are full that's one of the reasons why they are overweight, and even when they do notice they push through and keep eating. Having a big breakfast or having snacks in between only benefits thin people because they eat healthier and they know how to control calories as well as stop eating when they are full. I only say this because I struggled almost my whole life with losing weight and putting it back on and not knowing what to do and following what these articles say and wondering why nothing was working. Then I started looking at calories. There are more calories than you think in just about everything. Before I never even counted calories. I would eat whatever I wanted to eat and not care. I didn't know how many calories I was consuming or even how much I needed. But at one point I said enough, I’m going to lose weight I don’t like the way I look I don’t like the way I feel. So I started sprinting and because I was overweight the weight came off fast. But then after a while the weight stopped coming off and this was because I was still eating junk. I thought I could keep eating what I wanted but you can’t outwork a bad diet. So I started researching what to eat and I got advice from a trainer who told me to eat snacks in between meals. And I read aticles that told me to eat 3-5 snacks between meals and to eat a large breakfast. And like an overweight person, I hear snacks and think chips and pizza rolls. And even if it’s a “healthy” snack I still will overeat that. So the weight didn’t come off, I ended up putting more on because essentially I was being told to eat more. And I said OK! I will!

But as I said most of this advice is for people who don’t struggle with binge eating or being overweight. This is for people who can look at a pile of cookies and not eat them all, this is advice for people who can just stop eating before they get to the point of bursting. It took me a long time to get to that point but I still have those tendencies in me that I struggle to fight. Telling myself that I don’t need to eat another full meal when I just had one an hour ago. Telling myself that I’ll be ok if I don’t eat whatever it is I want to eat at that moment. Not eating to the point of it hurting. But see, weight loss articles don’t understand this and they don’t write to overweight people trying to lose weight, they write to people who are already thin and want to keep the weight off.

MY QUICK ADVICE if you’re big and trying to lose weight.

1. Burn more calories than you consume and you will lose weight. Tell yourself this over and over. Because in it’s most simple form that is how you lose weight.

2. You cannot outwork a bad diet. Maybe you can for a little but it’s easier to just not eat that snickers instead of run 20 miles to burn off calories you wish you hadn’t scarfed down in a moment of weakness.

3. CHECK sugar, salt, calories. On the backs of things that you buy. And most importantly. CHECK THE SERVING SIZE. If something says it’s 100 calories but you eat 4 servings of it that’s 400 calories. A single size doesn’t always mean there is one serving. CHECK THE LABELS!! And even if something does say it’s one serving (usually granola bars or small bag of chips) you’re not gonna just eat one. I don’t know anyone who just eats one granola bar. I eat like 4 in one sitting. (or I used to ;-)

4. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Weight loss is not going to always be pleasant. The worst for me is feeling hungry and not feeling that “satisfaction” that being full gives me. But it’s all a mind game. Train your mind to not be happy when you feel like you’re gonna burst. Train your mind to stop using food as a means of comfort and happiness. Be ok with being a bit hungry until your next meal and being a bit hungry after you have eaten. YOU WILL LIVE AND BE OK! Working out means sweating and being in a bit of pain and breathing hard and taking time out of your day when you could be chilling watching netflix. This is the uncomfortable not always fun stuff you have to just deal with.

5. Do not eat a huge breakfast. IF you’re like me or other overweight people, you’re going to want the works when you hear that you should eat a big breakfast. Go ahead, try it. See how much weight you lose. If you do lose weight then good on you, you’re better than me. But if you found yourself still putting weight on or not losing any it’s because you don’t need 800-1000 calories of fucking breakfast! My advice is eat a small breakfast of yogurt or fruit. I have a protein shake every morning and then I go work out. Protein keeps you feeling full and give you energy to workout. If you eat a huge breakfast you’re going to be way over the amount of cals you need in a day and the amount you need to lose weight. Especially if you eat a big lunch and dinner, which like I said many overweight people still would.

6. MEAL PREP! I never used to do this and now that I do I love that I do this! It saves you time in the long run and allows you to make healthy (they need to be healthy) meals ahead of time so that you’re not just tempted to throw in a pizza or open a bag of chips and go to town. You’ll have a meal made and ready and it will be the right portion size (it needs to be the right portion size, don’t make a huge thing with 10 servings of food). I usually do chicken or grass fed beef and then noodles with sauce and broccoli. A lot of people do rice and chicken and veggies. Look on instagram or tumblr and search meal prep for ideas on what to make.

7. Don’t bring unhealthy temping food into the house. I think back on all of the stuff I used to eat and I can’t believe that I’m shocked at how much weight I accumulated through the years. I used to eat chocolate chips cookies (like 12) of those ready to bake ones almost every night. I ate chocolate caramel brownies, chips, 4 slices of pizza sometimes more, sometimes the whole thing, huge plates of spaghetti, poptarts. I wasn’t much of a soda drinker luckily but still that’s a lot of food. And I never controlled my portions. I’d eat as much as I wanted of it. Moderation is key, but it’s also key not to bring junk that you know you shouldn’t be eating every day into the house. Out of sight out of mind. For some people putting it on the top shelf works, but my hungry ass will just reach up and get it. If I don’t even buy it at the grocery store than how can I get it? See how that works. Will power usually is my strongest ally. Sometimes you just gotta say no and be disappointed. But your body will thank you later with the progress you’ve made.

8. One last little thing. I hardly weight myself. I used to all the time but it’s more accurate to me to try on clothes that I used to fit and see if I can fit in them. When your clothes start feeling loser and you notice you’re not getting winded just walking and talking at the same time (swear this happens to me) then you know you’re on the right track.

DISCLAIMER: I’m not a health provider or an expert. Just a former still kind of not as big as I used to be and not as small as I used to be blogger trying to help some people out.

#weight loss tips #fat positive #weight loss journey #fat to fit #weight goal

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560am-blog · 7 years

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of moods and men.

Andrwon.

There were several things that could put Hyungwon into a baking mood, but there were very particular baking moods that he got into. He was well aware of them and if anyone tried to spell them out to him he’d still deny it. There’s a predictability to them that he doesn’t like being reminded of, and yet he’s sure Andrei has grown to categorize them well enough.

There’s stress baking where he spends half the time mumbling to himself, some of the words intelligent and some not. Sometimes he talks out his entire plan, sometimes he curses though not often. He doesn’t notice Andrei which is what allows him to pop chocolate chips in his mouth as he watches. These are the days that Hyungwon puts intricate patterns on cupcakes only after several tries to get the stress off his mind and actually focus. If he messed up he’d try and try until he could get the right topping and by then his mind had worked out the solution.

There’s angry baking, when he’s whisking so hard that his wrist hurts and his grip slips because of sweat. Where Andrei stands a few feet away in fear of getting splattered with batter. Where he’s mumbling but not about anything in particular maybe about a lot of things because it takes a lot to get Hyungwon mad and he has to be especially upset to take it out on his counter. He bakes bread on days like this because he can knead and pound to his heart’s content and sometimes, sometimes Andrei will wait until it’s all done and massage his hands while he cools down. Tea and bread after usually helps.

Then there’s regular baking where Hyungwon’s just got time on his hands and maybe just maybe he can try out a new recipe. Maybe he can spend time messing up and learning and enjoying the process for all it’s worth. Andrei isn’t allowed in the kitchen on days like this but he gets a good view of Hyungwon humming and burying his nose in whatever book has his newest pleasure in it. These days happen more often than not and Hyungwon likes to let them last.

Today is a little different. The music is low but he doesn’t have anything pop-ish playing and if he noticed he probably still wouldn’t change it. It’s not anything he can move his hips to and that alone should say enough about his mood. He’s singing, loud enough to cover the music but not as cheerful as usual. He’s not smiling, he can feel the frown deepen with each back and forth he makes to the book and the counter.

Andrei walks in, Hyungwon just scrunches his nose and continues. If there’s anyone who’s able to tell the shift in the mood easier than anyone it’s Andrei. That’s how the taller male takes the cue to grab a chair and swing it over to the edge of the counter. Andrei waits, not for acknowledgement but for all the cues to fit together in his mind and Hyungwon just continues, mixing, stepping around and mumbling.

“Hey hey sugarplum what’s got you in a mood?”

That’s when Hyungwon looks up, the voice shaking him out just for a moment. He doesn’t have much of an expression, just him recognizing Andrei and registering all the things he could or should do. He could ask how Andrei got in, which is what the male expects, except his nose turns up further.

“If you’re going to stare come be useful.” It’s not a first but it’s definitely not the usual and it catches Andrei off-guard. Hyungwon, unfazed is beckoning him over to the counter, one flour covered finger calling and another mixing. Forever curious Andrei makes his way over, elbows resting on the counter and ready to ask before a finger covered in batter slips in his mouth. There’s a slight choke, Hyungwon’s face remains impassive, he’ll feel sorry later but not now. Right now he’s got something different in his eyes, uncertainty.

“Too fattening?” And when Andrei can actually breathe and let the taste settle he’s smacking his lips for effect.

“You can’t taste fat baby.” It’s not like Andrei has the answers to everything but he’s been doing a good job as far as staying on Hyungwon’s good side, narrow as it was. It’s not that he tried to he just liked the kisses he got when he did. So Hyungwon’s face pulling in complete annoyance and – distress? Andrei doesn’t expect that.

“That’s what I said!” it’s supposed to be a mumble but it comes out harsher, desperate and Hyungwon’s got his back to Andrei, back to mixing and looking in the recipe book. Hwan, busy watching her owner and her second owner move about the kitchen, takes the time to nuzzle Andrei’s leg. All he can do is give a small smile, wishing Hwan could talk and tell him exactly what he walked into.

“It’s sweet, but a subtle sweet. I like it.” Andrei resumes his position on the counter, careful to avoid materials unless he wants another snap from the baker in charge. He doesn’t know what it is Hyungwon wants to hear but he thinks going with the truth hasn’t failed him yet and it won’t now. “Too bad you’re not getting any.” “Ouch.” One is trying to keep things light and one is grateful but when the two look up at one another it’s hard to tell which is which. So Hyungwon looks back down and Andrei keeps his position firm, hand plastered against his chest. “I’ll make you a sweeter one later.” “I can think of something sweeter.” “I think, you don’t want to get kicked out the kitchen.”

And with that things aren’t exactly clear but they’re lighter and despite Hyungwon’s scowl he’s mixing gentler and changing the tune. Red Velvet comes on and while Hyungwon lets out a few hums here and there he doesn’t dance and Andrei takes note but doesn’t speak. He scrolls through his phone and every few seconds something new gets shoved in his mouth. This go on for a bit, half an hour maybe and when Time Slip passes shuffle three times with no movement Andrei is understandably worried.

“Andrei.” Trying not to look so starved for affection Andrei glances up from his phone only to see that Hyungwon still isn’t looking at him, rather at an empty section on the counter. “Mm?” “When you’re on a diet, what are the specifics? Model-wise?” “Don’t know, don’t follow them.” It’s true but it’s probably not the answer Hyungwon wants because all he gets out a sigh that goes through his entire body. It takes a lot for Hyungwon to spill anything just as it takes a lot for him to get upset. He keeps thinks tightly locked and though he has no reason to he just assumes everyone in the industry is out to ruin him. So Andrei tries again, ready to pull out what he can. “Less carbs, natural sugars? Everything in moderation because usually they have us work out too. They try fiber but no one really likes it. Protein bars and peanut butter sometimes just for long showcases. Oats to feel full. It’s all pretty complicated, lots of people don’t follow it.” Maybe it’s not any better, and too vague but it’s the truth and Hyungwon absorbs it the best he can, noting it down in his mind for reference.

Minutes go by again, this time with the second batch in the oven and Andrei latched to Hyungwon’s back, arms around his waist. He’s taken up the role of taste-tester again while simultaneously pressing small kisses to the shorter male’s temple.

“Too salty.” “Stop saying everything is too salty so I’d give you the batch.” Hyungwon laughs, Andrei sways some more and tightens his hold. “Stop making good batches and making me want to eat them all.” This is typically how taste-testing goes between them and Hyungwon doesn’t mind as he gets work done and Andrei will never pas sup trying Hyungwon’s cooking. Especially when he’s making new dishes such as the quiche that he slips past his lips.

“Too sweet.” “It has no sugar in it.” “I meant you.” “I’ll kick you out.”

It’s thirty more minutes of this before the last batch is put in and Hyungwon’s sighs become less audible, his body less rigid. Andrei doesn’t know if it’s relaxation or exhaustion finally taking hold but he keeps his own hold on Hyungwon and thankfully Hyungwon leans back into it.

“You gonna tell me what’s wrong or do I have to pry it out of you?” Not that he would and Hyungwon knows this but he’s laughing anymore. He’s laughing at the situation, how obvious it is to Andrei when no one at work could notice and at how Andrei manages to be so light and dive so deep into his most sacred areas.

“Mmmm. One of our models fainted today.” Hyungwon says it so easy, too easy that Andrei almost tries to search for a crack somewhere. It should be concerning but he feels the pressure in Hyungwon’s body return and Hyungwon prefers that to a hitch in his voice. “Everyone’s asking me if I’m worried about the company’s rep, what kind of image that gives us. But no one’s worried about her.”

It’s times like this that Andrei understands why he’s able to read situation with Hyungwon so well, know about his moods from subtle shifts and words. Hyungwon doesn’t really open up as easily as he claims, in interviews or in casual conversation, he’s pretty private. He’s so private and his trust is so deeply set in his fears that even he doesn’t trust himself to bring it out. At some point, whether between hushed reassurances or daylight smiles during shoots, Andrei wormed his way under parts. That’s why he gets this, strained words, and slumped shoulders against him. All Hyungwon, all unraveled parts.

“I just want her to be okay. I’m going by today when the press is down and I just – I don’t get it really but I want to help her.”

“Not everyone wants to be helped.” It comes out really before he can stop it but Hyungwon remains unfazed, a simple shrug and a snuggle into Andrei’s arms. “No but – Yeonhee? God Yeonhee smiles so much. So so much, she’s got those smiles you don’t see in the industry, like yours.” “Yeah but you like mine.” This remains mumbled into his hair and the sigh Andrei receives is both fond and annoyed. “Anyway, she loves doing this. Some people love things enough to let it tear them apart. But she doesn’t have to. I just want to help her.”

“Okay…” It’s a switch, where Andrei is quiet and Hyungwon is talking. Andrei is thinking, absorbing and Hyungwon isn’t. “Okay. Fiber is easier to keep down, avoid things that she would know have carbs in them she’ll be paranoid. Oats can be pretty good for feeling full?” At some point Andrei let go, at some point Andrei just watches Hyungwon flit around the kitchen, newfound determination in his eyes. It’s a gentle one, one that he doesn’t really see at the photoshoots, maybe when he’s perusing over designs. “Those oatmeal cookies you made are a good start and the bread you made, the banana one? That too.” Hyungwon stops and consequently Andrei holds his gaze. It’s not really fair the phases that Hyungwon goes through. From fiery to sweet and absolutely adorable. Andrei just smiles, chin resting in his palm and Hyungwon fixes his expression before he speaks.

“You love those.” “Yeah but I love you satisfied more.” And they’re back, sweet words and eye rolls.

“I’ll make you some later.” “Can I get you with them?” “Don’t push your luck.”

But Hyungwon does kiss him quick, well it’s meant to be quick. It’s thankful and slow and has a little more than a thanks in it but that’s fine with both of them. It’s needed and it’s all sweet and rough in the right places and when it’s over Andrei chimes in that he’ll settle for that until later. Hyungwon laughs, Ladies Code is blasting and the mood is better. New but better.

They wouldn’t have it any other way.

#by:hyungwon

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adapted-batteries · 8 years

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You Sultry Land Pirates Ruined My Dig! Chapter 4

Fandom: The Librarians

Rating: General Audiences/sfw

Ships: a little bit Jazekiel, little bit Jassandra, and some Cassekiel in a bit

In a world where Cassandra and Ezekiel are top tier land pirates, and Stone is an expert in archeology and history but new to being out in the field, there is a weird, impenetrable tomb in some Sumerian ruins, with things that don’t quite make sense.

Inspired by the lovely story line (and outfits) in episode 3x09 “And the Fatal Separation” where Cassandra and Ezekiel smuggle Stone, Baird, and Flynn in while they pose as land pirates.

Posted on my Ao3 here.

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3

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Eventually Cassandra fell asleep, or dozed, but someone shook her awake. She blinked several times, clearing her vision, revealing Dr. Stone standing above her. He didn’t look all that rested.

“Get up. You’ve got a job to do,” he growled, angry and menacing again. “Tend to your friend or colleague or whatever he is, tell him what’s goin’ on and all that so we can get to work.”

“Can I have something to eat? Drink?” she asked, testing just how fired up Dr. Stone was.

He huffed, frustrated, but rummaged around in a duffle bag next to the bed and pulled out protein bars, tossing two on her lap. “Your friend should have one, something in his stomach will keep him clear headed. Water’s in the thermos next to you, don’t drink it all otherwise your friend won’t have any,” he said, pointing to the metal container sitting on the table behind her. She could reach it, though it took effort to get her bound wrists to reach the thermos. Thankfully it was full, so she drank around a third, leaving the rest for Ezekiel.

Dr. Stone shifted on his feet, not sure what he should be doing. “I’ll be outside. No funny business, ‘cuz I’ll know,” he stated, leaving the tent.

With him gone, Cassandra scarfed down one of the protein bars before getting up to wake Ezekiel. Upon standing, she found her legs wanted to protest sleeping in the chair while tied up, but she forced them to move the few feet to the cot. She kneeled down, jostling him softly. “Ezekiel...Ezekiel...wake up,” she whispered, not wanting to startle him awake. He made a noise, a mix between a moan and a whimper, but didn’t open his eyes. “Ezekiel,” she called with more volume this time. “Come on, wake up. Please.” On the “please” his eyes fluttered, unfocused for a few moments before looking at her.

“What’s wrong,” he mumbled, trying to stretch but finding himself bound. “What the-” suddenly more awake, he strained against the rope before his face contorted in pain. “Agh! W...what happened?”

“He knocked you out...and took your rope. Here,” she said, standing up to get the thermos from the makeshift desk, “drink, you need it. And you should eat too, he gave us protein bars.”

“Why did he do that?” Ezekiel asked, voice weaker than it was before. Even in pain, Ezekiel had already halfway worked his way out of his binds.

“Because we’re gonna help him find whatever it is in that thing,” she responded. Before he could react and cause himself more pain, she leaned closed to him to whisper. “Of course we won’t be when it’s all over, I intend to get paid.” He laughed at that. “You even protested unconsciously to letting anything we find go into a museum.”

“And I was right to,” he chuckled, a bit stronger now that he had drank some water.

Cassandra glanced to the entrance to the tent when she heard voices, not sure who was talking. “Here, eat this,” she said, handing him the protein bar, “he’ll probably be back soon.”

He looked at the label, face scrunching at the flavor. “Just peanut butter? No chocolate chips? How could someone eat that?” he scoffed, opening the package anyway. “You didn’t bring any snacks this time?”

“I didn’t plan on spending the whole night in that tomb, or getting captured,” she retorted. “And it’s been months since I actually needed to bring food with me on jobs.” Thankfully he didn’t respond with a mouth full, just shrugging in agreement. With Ezekiel taken care of, Cassandra set about undoing her binds like he taught her.

The tent flap suddenly opened, letting bright sunlight pour in around the shadow of Dr. Stone. He blinked his eyes several times to adjust to the darker tent. “Alright, I’m gonna untie you so no one gets suspicious-” he noticed Ezekiel was sitting up on the cot, rope in a pile on the ground, and Cassandra mostly out of hers. “Ok, yeah, probably should’ve guessed you could get out of rope. Never mind.”

“Never tie up a thief, it’s useless,” Ezekiel teased. Dr. Stone looked like he was about to strangle him, so Ezekiel looked anywhere but at him and shrunk back a bit, attempting to be passive.

“Ok,” Dr. Stone breathed, trying to calm himself. “Let’s go.”

The site hummed with activity just as it had the day before, the excavation proceeding as planned, like nothing happened six hours ago. No one seemed to pay any mind to the trio as the walked to the still opened door.

He stayed behind them like a bodyguard, keeping himself between the two and the exit. It was quiet; no one spoke. Only the pats of their boots against the dust and sand echoed down the sloping floor. The gap in the second door was still there too, still the same width he had pushed it open to fit himself and Ezekiel through.

Barely any light from the surface reached down into the tile room; everyone had their flashlights out, flicking over the sixty or so puzzle pieces on the floor.

“I remember where I got so far, it was left and left,” Ezekiel stated, standing on each tile with a foot, back against the wall. “Where were you thinking next?”

“I wasn't sure, because I was trying to figure out what the hieroglyph meant, then you showed up,” Cassandra started, looking behind her to see what Dr. Stone thought.

He aimed his flashlight at the tile, studying it. “Hmmm, I’ve seen something similar in Sumerian pictographs. It’s a little different, but the other symbol meant a canal had overflowed. It’d be found with reports of damage or losses.”

“I got it!” Cassandra exclaimed. “Try the right one, and then the middle. It spells out YHWH.”

Ezekiel did as instructed, remaining thankfully not filled with spears.

“It’s something about the Flood, ya know, from the Bible. The symbol isn’t the same as a standard clogged canal, it’s more...urgent,” Stone added, piecing it together. “Do the right one, the one with that pictograph,” he called to Ezekiel. The rock about bounced onto the next tile, but the sinking of the pictograph tile kept it still. “Ok, you know the order, start following him, and I’ll follow you,” he told Cassandra. She nodded, catching up to a tile behind Ezekiel.

“Ok, I think I know the statement. I’m gonna list them off to you Ezekiel,” Cassandra said, swiping at the air again. “Ok, next should be the middle, then the middle again, and then left-”

“One at a time please, I don’t have as photographic a memory as you,” Ezekiel called behind him, tossing the rock into the next middle tile. It sunk, and triggered nothing again.

“Sorry. Ok middle again….now left...then middle…” Cassandra rattled off the directions.

They were all jumpy on adrenaline by the time they got to the other side. And they also found what smelled so bad. There was a body, well bones and decayed matter anyway. It looked human, with some fractured bones and a spear wedged in between the rib cage and collar bone. “Guess they thought they could outrun it,” Ezekiel commented, kicking at a leg bone with his boot.

“What’s up with this theme? First they don’t want God in here, now they say ‘God causes the flood as requested’?” Stone said, confused. The long dead body on the ground didn’t intrigue him.

“Who knows what these people mean. I’m just concerned with what’s at the end of all of this,” Ezekiel responded, already checking the next door for traps.

“But what could they be hiding? And why are they obsessed with a god that didn’t exist for several thousand years?” Cassandra asked, sort of aimed at the walking history book behind her.

“There’s always a chance whatever inspired this didn’t make it in the Bible or Torah. Things get lost...or purposely left out,” he answered. “Maybe that’s what they’re hidin’, a controversial manuscript.” By now Ezekiel had shoved the stone slab out of the way enough to let them all slip through, and went in himself. Dr. Stone still made it a point to be the last one into the room, motioning for Cassandra to go next.

The next room had yet another puzzle, it's solution less obvious. There was a fifteen foot wide pit that stretched from wall to wall. At the bottom, some fifty feet down, jagged rocks littered the floor. Ezekiel and Cassandra stood at the edge, his arm outstretched to keep her from tumbling down.

“They're really goin’ for theatrics on this,” Dr. Stone mused when he looked over the edge. “How are we supposed to get across?” He flicked his flashlight over the walls and ceiling. “No ledges, and the ceiling is smooth. Did they expect us to carry a plank down here?”

“No,” Cassandra responded, concentration on her face. “Each of the puzzles so far required knowing the language to beat them. This one must as well.”

“How? It can't be voice-activated, and I don't see any symbols,” Ezekiel said, his flashlight dancing around the room for some clue.

“It has to...look for something on a brick, maybe there's a secret button somewhere,” Cassandra suggested. Dr. Stone looked skeptical, but turned around to scour the walls around the door. Ezekiel searched the left wall, and Cassandra searched the right.

Ten minutes later Ezekiel found something. “Cass, over here! I think I found something,” he called. Both she and Dr. Stone came over to investigate. “I thought it may have just been a nick in the stone, but I didn't see it anywhere else.”

“That's ‘cuz it's the Sumerian pictograph for power...sort of. None of the hieroglyphs actually match, but it probably means somethin’ similar,” Dr. Stone explained. He then looked to Cassandra, confused. “Cass? I thought your name was Amy.”

She looked at him like he was extra slow. “You of all people would understand why we'd use stage names in place of our real ones.”

Dr. Stone opened his mouth, about to say something, then closed it. “Ok, so you're Cass-”

“Cassandra,” she corrected.

“Cassandra, alright, then what's your real name?” he asked Ezekiel.

Ezekiel looked to Cassandra, who shrugged at him. He then looked back to Dr. Stone. “Ezekiel.”

“Look at that, we're actually being truthful for once,” Dr. Stone sneered.

“What's your problem? We're helping you!” Ezekiel exclaimed, lightly shoving him in the chest.

Dr. Stone didn't stagger. “What's my problem? You two! Attempting to steal on my excavation! Why shouldn't I be pissed off?”

“Um, guys,” Cassandra tried to butt in, but neither one would listen.

“You could've just turned us in if that's how you felt about it!” Ezekiel retorted. Jake grabbed him by the shirt collar and shoved him against the wall.

“Guys!” Cassandra snapped. They both turned to look at her, but Dr. Stone didn't release him. “There's no point in arguing. The quicker we get through this the quicker we can go our separate ways and never see each other again. Just cooperate for now.”

Dr. Stone growled at him, but released his grip. Ezekiel opened his mouth, about to make a quip, but Cassandra death glared.

Focusing back to the task ahead, Ezekiel looked at the brick for a few moments, felt the surface, then pushed it several inches into the wall. Somewhere behind the wall, stone scraped against stone, and a small platform extended from the left wall. It wasn't very wide, not even a foot, but enough they could use it to cross. “Cool,” Ezekiel said, turning towards the platform.

“We should probably go one at a time, just to be safe,” Dr. Stone cautioned, looking at the slab warily. They both nodded in agreement. He let them go first, pulling up the rear again. “I hope there's no more traps after this,” he huffed as soon as he made it to the other side.

“Why, aren't you having fun?” Ezekiel mocked, going back to door-checking duty.

“Unlike you two crazy people, I don't want to spend all day doing 5,000 year old traps under the ruins I'm supposed to be topside studying,” Dr. Stone snapped.

“Boys!” Cassandra commanded, getting their attention. She had her flashlight aimed through the gap Ezekiel was in the process of making. “There's not a room there.”

Once he finished pushing the stone slab aside, he stuck his head and flashlight through, looking left then right before leaning back into the pit room. “That's ‘cos it's a hallway. It goes right, to another door,” Ezekiel responded before going through.

“More doors, great,” Dr. Stone sighed, already pushing Cassandra forward by the small of her back. It made her jump rather than slide through the gap.

The hallway wasn’t very long. It extended about twenty feet from the door they just came through to the next. Ezekiel went first, checking for any trigger mechanisms on all surfaces, but thankfully there weren't any. He did, however, look at the stone slab covering the door with despair. “Can someone else open it this time?”

“Gettin’ tired, Ezekiel?” Dr. Stone toyed. Cassandra sighed extra heavily, letting them know how much their petty arguing was disappointing her. Even with the jab, he still opened the door, with rather less effort than Ezekiel had put into it.

This room had only three large levers mounted in the sandstone brick floor. The yard long rods of the levers were made of wood but looked like it had been dipped in a resin, creating a dust-covered sheen. Yet another door was on the far wall, but unlike the others which sat on tracks against the wall, this door was set into the stone; there was no way to push this door to the side.

“Ominous,” Ezekiel commented as he surveyed the room. There wasn’t much to see, besides the three levers. “No traps, no secrets, just the levers, that I can tell.” He walked up to the levers, looking over each one for anything he could find. “The levers have symbols on them, not like any of the ones we’ve seen so far.”

“Three levers...it couldn’t be a reference to the holy trinity since this is waaay before that. Are there any other significant things about three?” she asked Dr. Stone.

“Three in biblical literature could mean anything, even from the old testament. There’s Noah’s sons, contents of the Ark of the Covenant, the three main feasts, and there’s loads of time segments and measurements too,” Dr. Stone said, frustrated. “If it wasn’t seven somethin’ in the Bible, then it was three.”

“Ok but what about other things? This whole tomb thing has been a mix of Hebrew and Sumerian,” Ezekiel asked.

“Um, well there were three underworld deities, but Sumerian religion didn’t really come about until 2500 B.C. which is 700 years ahead of this,” Stone replied. “I think we can reach forward in time for possible solutions based on the phrases we already had.”

Cassandra ran all Dr. Stone had said through her head, catching him saying something about Noah’s three sons. “Wait, what do you know about Noah? The last room talked about the flood, it’s gotta be related.”

“Hold on,” Stone started, something else clicking for him. “The code on the door, it said “do not let God enter?” right? Well these symbols don’t quite match up to ancient Sumerian, little discrepancies. But this whole thing could be a narrative.” He looked to both of the land pirates, neither of whom got where he was going with this. “What if the phrases were past tense? And the first one, not a command, but a statement.”

Cassandra got where he was going now. “You didn’t let God enter, and God caused the flood as requested...ok, makes sense, but what does it mean?”

“Do the levers represent the sons?” Ezekiel offered, not really sure where this train of thought was going that would make the levers make sense. “There are symbols on them, do you recognize them?”

Remembering the symbols on the levers, Stone strode over to them, staring intently. “Yeah, these are ancient Hebrew, a little newer than the symbols before....and unless I’ve gotten rusty on my Hebrew, they correspond to the first letters of the names of Noah’s three sons.” He pointed to each lever as he said the names. “Shem, Ham, and Japheth.”

“That’s something. So we know they’re names, but what about his sons would make sense for a choice?” Cassandra thought out loud.

“The only thing I can think of is Ham’s sin against Noah. Basically, he caught his father passed out drunk off wine and joked about it. Back then that was some serious insulting, and Noah said that Ham’s descendents would be slave to his older brother’s, Shem.” Dr. Stone looked to the levers again before shaking his head. “That still doesn’t give us anythin’ to make a choice off of.”

“Ok, to me the phrases sound almost self-righteous, like they knew what was coming. Who of the sons was the favorite?” Ezekiel said. He was pacing a bit in front of the levers.

“That would’ve been Shem, the one the whole Hebrew lineage, including Jesus, came from,” Dr. Stone said. “Part of his descendants also settled here too,” he added as an afterthought.

“Well I don’t know about you two, but I think this Shem bloke is our answer,” Ezekiel decided, walking over to the left lever. Dr. Stone looked to Cassandra in mild panic.

“Ezekiel, maybe we should keep thinking,” Cassandra suggested.

“If we keep thinking, we’ll be here all day. I think it’s worth a shot. Plus, it’s a thirty percent chance,” Ezekiel countered.

Dr. Stone still wanted to reason out a good choice. “It’s possible some followers of Shem could’ve made this, in some weird obsession. Then the weird mix of letters and pictographs would make sense, and the timeline,” he concluded. “Ya know what, why not. I don’t really know what else would help make a case for the other two sons anyway.”

At Dr. Stone’s approval, Ezekiel pulled the lever. It didn’t budge at first, but once Ezekiel threw his weight into it, the lever slipped back towards him, making him stumble back. Rock rumbled ominously, vibrating the ground. For a moment it seemed like they pulled the wrong one, but the rumbling shifted from under the floor to the far wall. The door slowly sunk into the floor.

Something in the dark room beyond shimmered. The trio entered, finding a circular room with a sole pedestal in the center. A large leather bound book lay on top of the pedestal; it was the source of the shimmering.

“Shiny book, that’s a new one,” Cassandra said as she stepped closer to the book.

“No wonder they offered so much for it,” Ezekiel added, in awe of the artifact in front of him.

Dr. Stone roughly pushed through the two land pirates to get his own glimpse, and keep them from the book. “I’m not sure what language this book is in, I’ve never seen anythin’ like it.” He reached forward, gingerly touching the cover before opening it. The same script on the cover filled the pages, along with some drawings every so often as he turned the pages cautiously. Some words shimmered like the outside did, like they had glitter infused into the ink except it emitted light, not reflected it.

While the archaeologist poured over the foreign script, Cassandra and Ezekiel had an eye conversation behind him. Cassandra looked pointedly at Dr. Stone, before winking extra obviously. Then she glanced at the book, mouthed “me,” and then nodded back to the door. He nodded to her, indicating he understood. It was a crude plan, but it could work if Cassandra could get out quick enough. Ezekiel waited until Dr. Stone closed the book before he attacked.

“This needs to be analyzed in a museu-” Dr. Stone started.

Ezekiel cut him off. “We did it! We found it!” He exclaimed, a little overacting, then gave Dr. Stone a thorough kiss. The suddenness of it all was enough to stun him for a few seconds, giving Cassandra enough time to slip past them, grab the book, and make a break for the entrance.

And it would’ve worked, if there wasn’t someone standing in the doorway.

“I don’t think you wanna run off with that,” the mystery man said. His voice startled the boys out of their fun, and Dr. Stone realized what just about happened.

“You TRAITOR!” he bellowed at her, and shoved Ezekiel away with enough force to send him down to the floor. “Who are you?!” he demanded to the stranger.

The man, who had been standing in the shadows, stepped into the room. Cassandra thought he looked like someone who belonged at Dr. Stone’s dig; an academic with an interesting sense of dress. “Me? Oh, I’m the Librarian, and well, I’m here for the book,” he said, cool as a cucumber. “The question is, what are you all doing here?”

“It’s my dig!” Dr. Stone exclaimed, getting really worked up.

“Oh, you’re Dr. Jacob Stone. Love your work, I’ve read it all,” the Librarian responded, not at all phased by his anger. “And I think you of all people would want that book in a museum...or a library.” The Librarian made a step towards Cassandra, who backed up into Dr. Stone. He grabbed her by the arms, restraining her. “Strong words and arms, nice,” the Librarian commented, taking the book from Cassandra. She would’ve held onto it harder, but the age of the book made her let it go, as she’d rather not be the one to rip it.

“No! That’s ours, we need it!” Ezekiel suddenly shouted, running towards the Librarian.

“Oh, you don’t want to do that now,” the Librarian said. Something about his voice sounded different, Cassandra couldn’t put her finger on it, but Ezekiel stopped in his tracks. “I have to applaud your skills,” he addressed the three staring at him, “this safe wasn’t easily cracked, and for good reason. Now, if you don’t mind, I should be on my way. Don’t want the lost book of Serhem in the wrong hands.”

“What library are you with? I definitely wanna follow up on this book,” Dr. Stone asked.

“I’m, uh, with the Metropolitan Public Library,” the Librarian answered, backing up towards the door. “Great place, you should visit some time. Loads of books and things.” When he got to the door, he turned slightly, addressing the group again. “Seeing as you were in the middle of something when I arrived, I should get going, back to the library.” With that, the Librarian sprinted into the shadows.

Ezekiel tumbled forward a moment later, like the halted momentum got released. “How did he do that? He stopped me in my tracks, I couldn't move!”

“I don't know, but I think we shouldn't let him get away,” she responded, looking from Ezekiel to Dr. Jones. The archaeologist had moved to the door, but turned around to them.

“Come on! He can't be too far,” Dr. Stone said, beckoning them to follow as he leaped into the darkness. That was all the duo needed to run after him.

However, the mysterious man was not in the pit room, nor in the tile puzzle room. “There's no way he could've done this faster than us,” Ezekiel huffed, following Cassandra's footsteps as she led them backwards through the phrase.

The trio burst through the door into the excavation, squinting at the drastic increase in light. “There's too many footprints here,” Dr. Stone said, taking advantage of looking away from the sun. “He's gone up the ramp!” He sprinted up to the main level, but the fresh footsteps ended at a smear. Looking to his right, Dr. Stone saw the source of the smear; some workers were dragging their shovels through the loose sand.

Ezekiel and Cassandra caught up to Dr. Stone as he stomped his foot in the dirt in frustration. “Where'd he go?” Ezekiel asked, looking around the ruins.

“He's gone,” Dr. Stone huffed. “All thanks to you two.”

“Us? Mate, he was gonna come today anyway whether we were here or not,” Ezekiel snapped.

“I...ugh, just go. Get out, and don't come back,” Dr. Stone rumbled.

When Ezekiel didn't move, Cassandra grabbed him by the arm and tugged him away. “Let's go, before we make any other mess,” she said under her breath to him. A part of her felt sad for Dr. Stone, the small part that sympathized with those they used to get what they needed. There wasn't anything she could do, so it was best to leave.

And they did, all the way back to their apartment in Paris. The buyer was none too happy with their report of what happened, but he knew of this Librarian. Cassandra and Ezekiel didn't want to disappoint this buyer; he had offered them more than their last three jobs combined.

“Yes, I know of this Flynn Carsen. He's a menace I've had problems with before,” the older gentleman sighed, taking a sip of his coffee. He wore a well-fitted suit, making him look made of money. His white hair had mostly faded, leaving the top of his head somewhat bald, but his sharp eyebrow ridges and nose, and the fire in his eyes made him an intimidating man. “I would be wary of him in the future. There's a good chance you may cross paths again.”

“Again?” Ezekiel asked.

“Well there's plenty more I'm looking for, and despite losing this, I think you have a good chance of acquiring some other items for me. Mr. Carson can't be two places at once,” the man replied coolly. “If I am satisfied with your performance, there may be some extra...reward, you could say.”

“Uh, yeah, we'll try some more!” Ezekiel said, grin on his face.

Cassandra didn't normally describe people's smiles as “evil,” but this man definitely had one at Ezekiel’s response. “Good,” the man responded, before giving them their next objective.

“Do you think it's a good idea to keep working for him?” Cassandra asked as they walked back to their apartment that evening. “That guy gives me the creeps.”

“You've said that about half the people we've dealt with,” Ezekiel said.

“I know...it's just that he felt extra creepy,” she added. “I'm probably just tired.”

“Probably,” Ezekiel replied, opening the door. “Hey,” he started, bending down to get two envelopes that laid on the floor just inside the door, “we don't get mail, what's this?”

“What does it say on it?” Cassandra asked, looking over his shoulder.

“They're addressed to us...from the Metropolitan Public Library. Hey, that's where that Librarian bloke said he was from,” Ezekiel said, giving Cassandra the letter with her name on it. He opened his, pulling out a high quality, but blank, invitation with red looping borders. One he fully freed it from the envelope, calligraphy-style writing appeared like it was being burned onto the paper. “Woah, ‘you have been selected to interview for a prestigious position with the Metropolitan Public Library.’ What a flashy way of saying it.”

“Did your letter, um, appear on your paper?” Cassandra asked, stunned by the magical lettering.

“What would a library want with us? I don't wanna be stuck inside shelving books all day,” Ezekiel said. Realizing they were both still standing in the doorway, he pulled her gently by the arm and shut their door.

“I don't know, but that librarian we met certainly wasn't a normal librarian,” Cassandra added, walking further into the apartment. They didn't have a whole lot, as they weren't home much, but Cassandra made sure to make it feel homey and comfortable when they were here. As such, she sat down on their super fluffy couch, studying her letter.

“Do you really wanna tie yourself down with a job?” he asked from the kitchen where he was currently rifling through the fridge for who knows what.

“If we're doing what the Librarian was doing, it wouldn't be much different than our current...occupation,” Cassandra answered.

Ezekiel peaked around the refrigerator door, in the process of pulling something out. “I guess, but I still don't know if we should trust that guy, I mean he literally stopped me, with words. That's not normal.”

“But we've already seen ‘not normal’ things before this,” Cassandra countered.

“And Dulaque doesn't like him either,” Ezekiel continued, freeing the leftover pizza he wanted.

“You really trust Dulaque’s opinion on this? He literally just sent us to get a magical missing book of the Bible, and he wants us to get more things like this. He's not normal,” Cassandra said, looking at Ezekiel with a mixture of concern and confusion.

“I don't know. I don't really trust him, but I'm not all buddy buddy with this idea of dropping everything and going to New York for some mystery job either,” he relented, sticking some pizza in the little red toaster oven on the counter.

“I don't see what we have to lose taking this. Worst case, we come back here and keep doing our thing. Best case, we end up, oh, I don't know, saving the world or something,” Cassandra stated.

“You're always wanting to do good, even in a career where stealing is the main job. Sometimes I don't get you, Cass,” he admitted, intently watching his warming pizza.

“Because this job was all I had,” Cassandra quipped, “and I didn't let it change me.”

“So are you saying I'm bad?” He looked at her not with anger but with curiosity. It wasn't the first time they talked about this, but it had been years since she had brought up this moral dilemma.

“No...well...sort of. I mean you just think about yourself,” she saw him about to say something, so she corrected herself, “about us, I know. But that's it. You just stop there. I don't want to stop here.”

The toaster oven dinged, but he didn't immediately pull out his food. Instead he looked at her with endearment and affection. “You're right. I do just think about us. But if this would make you happy, then I think I can survive.” He then took his food out and sat it on a plate; Cassandra saw him try to sneakily hide the piece he had reheated for her. He liked to do that, do extra for her, sometimes without wanting her to see, but she appreciated it nonetheless.

“I don't want you to feel dragged along, or confined, just for me,” she said, smiling at him when he handed her the second plate. He then plopped down on the couch next to her, sitting his food on the coffee table in front of them.

His expression had shifted to amusement now, with a hint of something else; not sadness per se, but something along those lines. “You know that's how love works, right? It doesn't mean you're 100% happy and comfortable. No one has that. And you've braved years of me and my world, so why couldn't I do something you want?”

It wasn't often Cassandra got him confessing his feelings, talking about love and care, and she'd just done it within a few days of each other. As such, she felt the appropriate response to Ezekiel was to kiss him. That also didn't happen often, which let Ezekiel know she really meant it.

Ezekiel kept his word, and two days later they found themselves standing in front of the Metropolitan Public Library. It was busy, even at four in the afternoon, people bustling bustling in and out. The lady at the front desk directed them to a specific room where they should ask for a “Charlene” when she saw their letters.

They found the lady fussing over some papers and receipts. “Hello, we're looking for Charlene,” Cassandra said to the older (but still strong looking) woman.

“Yes?” the lady asked somewhat impatiently, like they just interrupted a very important task.

“We got these a couple days ago,” Ezekiel said, showing his letter. Cassandra held hers out as well.

At the sight of the letters, Charlene’s eyes went wide. “Oh, that's not normal,” she said, standing up from her desk and motioning for them to follow her. “Something must be going on for the Library to send these. Four in one day, and one to a Guardian, the world may be ending at this rate.” Cassandra and Ezekiel looked at each other with concern at that last part. She walked up to a wall of bookcases, with two what looked like security guards standing in front of them. They didn't even acknowledge her presence as she reached for a specific book, pulling it towards her till it clicked. The wall popped forward an inch, which the security guard on the left the left pushed open for them.

Behind the secret bookcase was an elevator. It seemed normal at first, but the buttons had no labels. It started descending, lights in the side panels going up as the passed each floor, picking up speed after the fourth floor, a lot of speed. “Um how far down are we going?” Cassandra asked, not even keeping up with the speed at which they descended based on the lights.

“To the basement,” Charlene simply said, like it was a normal thing.

“But we already passed the-” Cassandra started, but Charlene cut her off.

“To the real basement,” she clarified. As soon as she said that, the elevator stopped.

At the speed they were going, Cassandra figured they should’ve been goop smushed against the ceiling, but she didn’t even feel so much as a little bump when the lights stopped moving and the doors opened. What they saw shouldn’t be possible, couldn’t be. A huge archive, wide as a commercial jet hanger and as deep as, well, Cassandra couldn’t see the back wall. There had to be thousands of bookshelves, and each one looked full too, along with numerous display cases with things she didn’t think existed until now. “Is that the Ark of the Covenant?”

“Welcome to the Library,” Charlene said, stepping out and starting down the marble steps. “And Yes, it is, so don’t open it. The Library keeps and protects items of magical interest from getting into the wrong hands, and has been for over a millennium.” She led them through a maze-like path around bookcases and displays, eventually down a grey stone corridor for a few moments to a set of windowed double doors.

This room looked much smaller than the part they had just been in; a stair case went up the back of the room with loads of drawers lining the back wall that looked like an old card catalog system. There was a large table with various maps and books and a couple lamps on it as well. Cassandra saw people inside, one of which she recognized because he was facing them. It was the Librarian. Charlene opened the doors, making their entrance seem grander than it should’ve been. A man turned around at the sound, and both Cassandra and Ezekiel froze.

“I should’ve known it’d ask you two,” Dr. Stone mumbled, eyes narrowed at both of them. The Librarian didn’t seem to notice their tension, immediately talking to Charlene.

“More Librarians? What’s going on, Charlene?” he asked, clearly confused as much as all the others were.

“Do I look like I know, Flynn? The Library doesn’t send these out willy nilly, and since you’re still alive it must want to have more than one Librarian,” she responded.

The lady that Flynn had been talking to before they entered spoke. “If they’re anything like you two,” she pointed to Flynn and Dr. Jones, “then I don’t see why more brain power is a bad thing. Makes asset management a bit more complicated, though.” Cassandra didn’t recognize the lady; she looked military, or at least carried herself that way.

“Well he’s not like me,” Dr. Stone sneered at Ezekiel, clearly still pissed at the two.

“Hey, I may not care about your ruins but I know how to crack any security system in the world. I’d like to see you try that one, mate,” Ezekiel quipped.

“A soldier, a historian, a thief...what can you do?” Flynn asked Cassandra.

“I...well, I can do physics in my head, complicated patterns, math, stuff like that,” she answered.

“And a genius,” Flynn added to his list. “Something’s up for the Library to pool these resources together.” Then Flynn looked confused at Cassandra. “Wait, if you can do all of that, why were you going to steal that artifact back in Iraq?”

“Ezekiel and I work together…” she started, not really wanting to admit to their thievery. He processed for a moment, before realizing the duo’s skills did compliment each other, and apparently worked for artifact hunting as he had seen.

“I can’t work with them,” Dr. Stone blurted out, still seething at their arrival.

The military lady, sensing his anger, clapped him on the shoulder, making him jump. “No one’s making you stay, you can walk right out those doors and never come back.”

“Colonel Baird is right, just because you were chosen doesn’t mean you have to accept the job,” Charlene added. “However, the Library must think you three are going to be very important for something soon, regardless your differences.” Dr. Stone pondered her statement, regulating his breathing as he did so.

“It’s not like we didn’t work well together, before we, well, tried to nick the book,” Ezekiel said, trying to be nice to Dr. Stone.

It took a few moments for Dr. Stone to respond. “Just ‘cuz I’m working with you, doesn’t mean I trust either of you,” he said at last.

“Great! Alright team, I think it’s time to assess what the Library wants all of you to do,” Colonel Baird said, getting all their attention. Flynn moved to the cluttered table behind him to start sifting materials. Dr. Stone narrowed his eyes at them for a moment, before turning to Flynn.

“Before I leave, I want you all to know that you need to keep your receipts if you want to be reimbursed, and no extraneous spending,” Charlene said to the group. “Good luck with whatever's coming.” With that, she faced the double doors and left.

After giving the two newcomers a brief rundown on the history of magic and things they needed to know, a book on a stand at the end of the table literally fluttered to life.

“Speaking of magic, the clippings book has got something for us,” Flynn said, walking towards it. They all followed him out of curiosity. “Seven people have gone missing within two months, and freak thunderstorms keep hitting just this town. Sounds like magic to me.” He looked up at everyone, watching their expressions. Colonel Baird looked like she was already planning, Cassandra looked excited, Ezekiel looked curious, and Dr. Stone looked confused. “Who's ready to go to Nebraska?”

---

Ch 4 notes

What a wild end, eh? I had to throw Flynn in as I wanted to do something that would make them all be like “you know what, magic is real, so why not” and them join up as Librarians. Plus if there was something like that, the Library would for sure send Flynn to go get that. I feel like this universe Flynn would use the whole “say the words with magic and it does things” like he revealed in “and the Curse of Cindy” a lot more, idk why though.

I'm not sure why I decided Cassandra and Ezekiel were working for Dulaque, but my brain set this kind of pre-season one so it works.

I know i said earlier I wouldn't have anymore Cassekiel in this, but guess what my brain decided to do at 11:30 at night? That being said, I honestly love writing it. I love their dynamic, or at least the one I've written them in (I'd like to hope I did the characters justice). I decided that I wanted them to be romantically involved, or as much as Cassandra allows as her tumor would probably keep her from investing in long term things like relationships.

So, this story is complete, however I definitely wanna explore both pre-Librarian and post-Librarian dynamics. Most likely that means some Cassandra and Ezekiel adventures, cuz I wanna explore more of their relationship off of what I showed in this. And when I feel confident enough to write post-op Cassandra, I’d like to explore it in this universe too.

#Cassandra and Ezekiel are mercenaries/land pirates #You Sultry Land Pirates Ruined My Dig!#cassandra cillian #ezekiel jones #flynn carson #jacob stone #jake stone #land pirate au #stone's an archaeologist #the librarians fic #flynn writes #casekiel

0 notes