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imaginingmarvelandeverything · 4 years

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The Next Steps

Pairing: Billy Hargrove x Reader

Warnings: Spoilers for season 3

Word Count: 1777

A/N: So, here is part 17 of Nightmares and Bruises. Sorry for the wait, it’s been a really busy first year at uni but I only have three more exams to go so I should be back permanently in two weeks. The taglist is open so drop me an ask or a comment! I won’t reply to comments because this is a side blog but know that I see and read them all. Also, I still don’t know if I managed to sort the issue with my taglist, so if you aren’t tagged and want to be message me and I’ll try to fix it.

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

Y/N was woken up the following morning by Max. Her head was throbbing even more than the previous day as she sat up on the sofa she had been sleeping on. To make matters worse her arm was aching and her throat felt so tight she wasn’t sure if she’d be able to speak.

“Here, you should take these.” Max said holding out a pack of painkillers and a glass of water.

“Thanks.” Y/N’s voice sounded rough and she struggled to swallow the painkillers. She got to her feet, grabbed her bag off the floor and ruffled El’s hair before passing into the bathroom.

A quick look in the mirror told her she looked as bad as she felt, if not worse. Her cast was covered in dust, making the blue bandage look more grey; the bruise on her head had darkened overnight and the mark on her neck had turned from red to purple. The mark Billy’s hand had left. She pushed that thought away as soon as it appeared. It wasn’t Billy. She bit her lip to hold back the tears that threatened to fall as she reached into her bag. Luckily, she’d stopped off at her house and Max’s on the way to Mike’s the night before to get her, El and Max some spare clothes and toiletries. She changed and freshened up before walking back into the main room.

“What do we do now?” Max asked.

“We need to find Hopper.” Y/N sat on the sofa arm as the kids all looked at her. “But I couldn’t find him anywhere the other day when I was looking.”

“I can find him.” El spoke up

Everyone exchanged a glance before they all nodded. It was easier to get everything set up in Mike’s basement than it had been in the swimming bath changing rooms. The TV was easily turned to static and Mike already had a bandana. When everything was set in place, they all sat around the coffee table and let El do her thing.

After a few minutes, El broke the silence. “I found him.”

“Where is he?” Max asked as blood started running from El’s nose.

“Woods.”

“Woods?” Lucas echoed.

“He’s with… Will’s mom.”

“My-my mom?” The confusion very evident on Will’s face.

“What are they doing?” Y/N asked, wondering if this was why she hadn’t been able to find anyone when she was looking.

“Ill-annoy, they’re going to ill-annoy.” El sounded out.

A sudden knock on the door made them all jump. “Mike! Breakfast!”

“Not now mom!” Mike screamed back before turning back to El. “Illinois? Illinois, like the state? The state of Illinois?”

“Il-ill-annoy.” El shrugged.

“Awesome.” Y/N muttered as she laid back on the sofa and slung her good arm over her eyes. This week just kept getting better and better.

Max took El into the bathroom to clean up the blood from her nose as Mike got up and started pacing. “Something’s not right. I can’t get Hopper off my back all summer and now, all of a sudden, he’s hiking with Will’s mom to Illinois? And Dustin’s MIA too? I mean this can’t be a coincidence.”

“What does it matter?” Lucas interrupted. “Bottom line is, they’re not here. It’s up to us.”

Mike shot him a glare. “Up to us to do what exactly?”

“Find Billy and stop him.” Lucas glanced at Y/N as she sat up and ran her good hand over her face.

“Okay, yeah, that’s a really nice sentiment, but even if El could find him again, and that’s a pretty big if, then what?” Mike looked from Lucas to Y/N.

“We find a way to save him, like we did for Will.” Y/N said, shooting Will a glance. He’d been very quiet throughout all of this.

“Yeah, we burn the shit out of him and make sure he doesn’t escape this time.” Lucas said grabbing the box of cocoa puffs off the table and taking a couple.

“Okay, then what?” Mike challenged.

“Then we win.” Lucas stated.

“No, see, that’s the problem. We don’t. We don’t win.” Mike was getting more agitated. “We got the mind flayer out of Will before and he just came right back. We don’t just have to stop Billy; we have to stop the mind flayer.”

“How in the hell do we do that?” Lucas asked.

“I don’t know.” Mike sighed.

Will spoke up for the first time. “Maybe El does.”

The three boys all got up and looked at the bathroom door.

“What are they still doing in there?” Mike huffed.

“I don’t know, girls just like hanging out in bathrooms.” Lucas said through a mouthful of cocoa puffs.

“Why?” Mike asked.

“Because they don’t want you to over hear them.” Y/N told them as she grabbed a handful of cocoa puffs from Lucas.

“They’re conspiring against me.” Mike said with complete seriousness.

Y/N snorted and Will turned to Mike in disbelief. “That’s what you’re concerned about right now?”

“It’s not my main concern. It’s just a sub concern.” Mike defended himself.

“I thought it was already over.” Will shot back.

“It’s not over okay, we’re just taking a break.” Mike didn’t sound convinced.

“She said she dumped your ass. That doesn’t sound like a break.” Will whisper-screamed.

Y/N snorted again. “Sounds like it’s over.”

“Yeah! Listen to Y/N!” Max’s voice came through the door. “You guys do realise we can still hear everything you’re saying right?”

Max and El started laughing and Y/N had to join in.

“Conspiring.” Mike whispered to the boys. “I told you they’re conspiring.”

Someone loudly knocked on the door.

“Not now mom!” Mike screamed.

“Mike, open the door!” Nancy shouted back.

Mike ran up the stairs and flung the door open to reveal Nancy and Jonathan. They moved past him and descended the stairs as Mike shut and locked the door again.

Y/N got straight to her feet and threw her arms around them both. They both took one look at the state of her and quickly returned the gesture. They pulled back with a shocked look.

“What happened to you?” Nancy said, her eyes going wide as they bounced from her cast to her head to her throat.

“I was in a car accident caused by the mind flayer and now Billy’s possessed and then he tried to kill us because we locked him in a sauna and now we don’t know where he is and Hopper and Joyce are apparently walking to Illinois and I can’t find Steve anywhere.” Y/N knew she was rambling but she it was just the relief of finally seeing them both. “Where the hell have you both been? I’ve been looking for you for two days.”

Nancy and Jonathan just looked at her with wide eyes before looking to the five kids behind them.

“We’ve seen it too.” Nancy said before she launched into a full explanation about rats eating fertiliser and an old woman doing the same and being taken to hospital. “It was the same thing, the exact same thing that happened to Will last year. And look at this, look at the body temperature.” Nancy handed Y/N a medical sheet.

“Did you steal this?” Y/N asked as she took a look at the scarily low numbers on the sheet before handing it to the kids.

“He likes it cold.” Will said.

“Okay,” Mike started. “so, this crazy old woman who was eating fertiliser,”

“Mrs Driscoll.” Nancy interjected.

“Right, yeah, Mrs Driscoll, what time was this attack?”

“Last night.”

“Right, but what time last night?”

“Around 9.”

“You waited all night to call?” Jonathan suddenly butted in.

“I-I was waiting for the doctors to run some tests.” Nancy said. Y/N glanced between the pair, it looked like Mike and El weren’t the only ones having relationship issues.

“You weren’t there?” Will sounded personally offended.

Jonathan threw his hands up in surrender. “Well, I’m here now, aren’t I?”

“Hallelujah.” Nancy rolled her eyes.

Everyone else shared an awkward glance as Lucas muttered a soft “oooh”.

“Um, so, wha-what time was your… sauna test?” Nancy said ignoring the awkwardness and getting back to the real issue.

“Around 9.” The five kids and Y/N said at the same time.

“Well that proves it. That proves my theory.” Nancy seemed pleased with herself.

“She’s flayed, just like Billy.” Mike said.

“Flayed?” Jonathan raised an eyebrow.

“The mind flayer, he flays people. Takes over their mind. Once they do that, they basically become him.” Mike explained.

“If there are two flayed-” Lucas started.

“We have to assume there are more.” Will finished.

“The other people on the road.” Y/N suddenly realised.

Everyone turned to look at her as Nancy spoke up. “What?”

“After we crashed, Billy started yelling at something in the middle of the road, but there was nothing there. So, I walked up to him and as I got close, he said ‘to build what’. I took his hand to try and get him back in the car and we weren’t alone anymore.”

“What do you mean?” Jonathan asked.

“Everything flickered and got dark and there was another Billy standing across from us with all these people behind him.”

“Okay, but I still don’t get it.” Nancy said.

“The other Billy answered Billy’s question. He said ‘what you see’. He wants to build an army of flayed for something.” As Y/N finished the room got very quiet.

“Heather.” El broke the silence, her eyes going wide. “Billy was doing something to her. She was scared. She was screaming. Bad screams.”

“What’s a good scream?” Lucas seemed genuinely curious.

“Max said-”

“Doesn’t matter.” Max quickly interjected with an embarrassed look to Y/N. Who just looked as puzzled as Lucas.

“I’m sorry, I’m lost, who is Heather?” Nancy asked.

“Heather Holloway.” Y/N answered. “She works with Billy at the pool.”

Nancy and Jonathan’s eyes got wide as they spoke together. “Tom.”

Part 18

Tags: @assholeheartthrob @httperrornicole @ambeazyyy @princess-huffy @gemgemswift @colie87 @iris-suoh @sydneynix8305 @peter-pan-hoe @p0wderedtoast @not-a-glad-gladiator @fangirlinganditswonders @endgameendsme @lazinesstookovermylife @lilac-dreams @anon-1112 @lilmissperfectlyimperfect @wickedlovely121 @lightlysweetened @scarecrowsragdoll @bilesxbilinskixlahey @moonstruckbucky @krazykatkay456 @thecraziestcrayon @moonchild1507 @tah0e @tony-stank3 @allie-mcginn @supernatural-girl97 @hi-my-name-is-riley @ria132love @t-swizzle-owns-me @sabrinasturtlenecks @meliv99 @jamesvaldezzzz @thatfrenchperson @cynthianokamaria @avnngrss @studysimsx @emmaquarius @stevieboyharrington@eyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy @ofwisdomandwar @external-l-appel-du-vide @evelynfreakinaddams @bish-ima-clown @noodlenerd101 @jakesmysterio @playboygeniusphilanthropist @itsfangirlmendes @pinkrosesx @killer-queen-xo @steveharrigntons @bookmarkofglitter @alina-margaret @labyrinth-of-thoughts @helen-of-troi @ninjathrowingstork @requestedmemory @believerofall @thefandomzoneisdangerous @esteroni @deepmilkshakecoffee @somethingdawn @brandi1936 @universefinds @huang-the-geek @silver-winter-wolf @longliphoney @absolute-randomness-forever @littlepsychos-world @octavia05 @escaping-reality21 @httpakasha @dmv49 @lyricfreaks @helena-way07 @katiexdacre @fangirlbitch02 @lo-bells @slytherinrising @i-am-a-smol-sweet-potato @imjusthereforsupernatural @lokis-butter-knife @banannie25 @itsanallygator @justabeautiful-letdown @calumsfringe @jakeblckk@sunshine-and-riverwater @lasnaro @ang-hellic @marvelous-hargrove @safewithintheheart @kpopishilarious @beyxlm @sighrins @iloveyou3000and5 @yosoymuyloca @lauren-novak @killerqueenishere @fanngirl19 @nonexistentsouls @charmed-asylum @teenyforestfairy @speedmetalqueen @xobeautifulfaith @clinomanians @briemariea @kcd15 @ellenna @just-a-nat @readinthegarden12 @peqchynero @rosariia25 @chloe-skywalker @aurorajuarezwolf @vulture-withafile @and-drew-101 @aamcqueeny @lovepandasloves

#Billy Hargrove #billy hargove x reader #billy hargrove imagine #stranger things #stranger things 3 #stranger things 2 #Nancy Wheeler #jonathan byers #mike wheeler #Lucas Sinclair #Max Mayfield #eleven #dacre montgomery #dacre montgomery imagine #imagine #x reader

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whats-the-story-tc · 5 years

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7th of June, 2019

"The One with the Conversation"

[tw for anxiety]

Hiya, guys! I hope you all get to rest in the winter break, and celebrate, if you do Christmas or Hanukkah or Kwanzaa or Yule or anything of the sort. Anyway, today, I really started missing V, so here are some old stories I randomly remembered, that I thought I should tell you guys. This will be part one, there's another story like this incoming.

June 7th, ordinary day, near the end of school year, summer, fun. Everything's ace. Except for... that conversation. You see, about a week prior, we had to write this essay for V on "what it means to be human for me". And, after a long debate with myself, I chose to include my issues with anxiety and depression, as they're a pretty big part of my human experience. When I got it back, graded, I saw only a little question written next to the paragraph. "What's the story?" That's where the URL comes from.

On the 7th, after class is when I decided to tell her my story. I'll just quote the texts I sent to my friends, so you'll get the hang of what happened, because I don't think present day me could tell you more accurately than that.

To Pocketwatch Friend, translated from my native tongue:

"I hate when people feel sorry for me. And I know V will never say she feels sorry for me but I saw it. I forgot that those who love literature are some of the most emotional people, even if they don't show it. I didn't want help or pity, that's not why I wrote what I wrote. I wanted a civilised, mature discussion with a mature person I trust. And even though this was mature, I think half of it was just us trying to read the other's reaction."

"I didn't want her to think, I didn't want her to help, because if I don't help myself, we can't achieve anything, not even if a whole school stands behind me. I just wanted a chat. Of course I can't blame her or myself, it just went to shit..."

"And then she asks me if [our homeroom teacher] knows. Fuck, that poor woman would go into a cardiac arrest if I told her about this 🤡"

I didn't have to. She saw me break down. I had a serious anxiety attack in church the week after, on the last day of school. So I guess, she found out either way. But whatever. Remember what V asked me here. It's gonna be important later.

"I understand her reactions, but this isn't really what I was hoping for. She said goodbye to me saying that she will be thinking about this a lot. Then fucking think, but this isn't what I wanted! Of course everyone would be shocked at first, but..."

Then I went on rambling. Yeah. Pretty intense, isn't it? But doesn't contain some of the more important details I only remembered hours later.

Here's what I told my other friend, but only the things I didn't already talk about (direct quote, as we speak English w/ each other):

"I have [told her I don't need help]! And while she said it's a noble thing that I want to solve it all on my own, I have to be careful not to fall ill because of the weight of it. I told her it already happened, but I did pull myself back in Paris [long story]. Plus I got out of social anxiety on my own! If I could do that, I can do this too. I told her this as well."

"We also spoke about my inability to concentrate. [V in red, me in black.] "Despite that fact, you still do quite well in class." "Most of it is luck." *smile* "Do you think luck is all there is to it?" "Of course not. But a large part of it." "

So, yeah. Classic me, I could only remember the positive bits later, once I've vented the negative out (and went to this school-organised event, a kind of ball that afternoon to hang out with my friends). The texts to Pocketwatch Friend are from about 2 PM-ish, where the experience was still fresh, and the other two from around 10 PM.

We could say this is one of the main things that shaped my relationship with V. I mention us analysing each other's reactions, but really, we had never been more open. Me with everything I said, and her with the concerned eyes. She is really expressive with her gazes, that's why I talk about them so much. When she's concerned for you, you know it. It's evident. That's why the blog's title is "All the little ways she cares".

The other one... the quiet compliment, in that last one. She knows I'm smart, has known since day one. I remember texting my friend after my first lesson with her and saying "okay guys, I'm sure our middle school English teacher told her about me". She spoke about this grammar-related rule thing, and asked the people who understand it to raise their hands. Nobody did, as far as I remember. And V deadass said "I know Specs wants to raise her hand." I was baffled. How on Earth could she possibly know that, we haven't said a word to each other before!

But, to be fair, during that time I still called her "fox woman" behind her back, a silly nickname my classmates gave her in middle school because of her dyed red hair and many fox accessories (and, to be fair, her sharp facial features), as I didn't have enough respect for her yet to drop it. That only came about a month later. But that's a story for another post.

~ S ♡

[Every story I share here, no matter how specific I get with my wording, depicts actual events from my own life.]

#tc #tcc #teacher crush community #female tc #female teacher crush

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bloodfcst-a · 5 years

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Hey, y’all. Tumblr’s been setting off my anxiety in the last few days, thus the reason I’ve been away. I’ll give you a full explanation under the cut for those who are interested (though I’d really appreciate it if you all read it anyway), and provide some contact information for places you can find me.

Discord: conjure. ☆#6443 Twitch: ninabeanxo Twitter: mishtadelet

I’ve been kind of quiet on Discord lately & I’m the most active on Twitter. I also announce when I’m streaming on Twitter, so... yeah. Sorry about this.

I want to be here. I really do. But there’s something about the summers on Tumblr that are really hard on me. I also think people’s attitudes change & idk why, but people seem to treat me pretty rudely? I try so hard to be approachable, to be kind and positive and supportive, but the amount that people try to take advantage of me or are just plain rude to me is?? So wild. So for those reasons, I’ve just kind of been isolating myself lately, and I may seem a little distant/less approachable/not talking much about myself because tbh... some of y’all are just haphazardly setting off my anxiety / panic attacks and I seriously can’t do it. I already have PTSD, so it’s a fucking nightmare lmao.

There is no gentle way of saying this, but it really needs to be stated. Please respect my triggers, or I will not talk to you. Please respect if I ask you not to mention something or someone to me.

and this is a really big one....

Please respect my boundaries.

If I have mentioned to you that I am not vibing with someone, do not send me media of them / that includes them, do not ask me about ships with them, do not tag me in posts of / with them, and please stop asking me about group verses / affiliated servers. In my time on tumblr, I’ve dealt with theft, bullying, emotional abuse, sexual harassment & solicitation. I’m constantly asking myself ‘ Why me? ’ but more than that, I’m really trying to avoid further situations from happening. I haven’t found an answer. I’m guessing it’s ‘cause I’m soft / nice? idk. Stop ruining a good thing. Y’all are gonna make me bitter, dang.

When I made this blog, I was explicit that I do not want to be in mainstream FF fandom. When I promo this blog, I even say primarily fandomless & canon-divergent. There is way too much messiness in the fandom, extremely toxic people & tendencies there, and I just don’t like fandom discussion. Regardless of my reasons, the point is that I’m not interested, so please stop trying to entice me to go back. It’s so blatantly rude & shows you think your interests & wishes are more important than my comfort level, and I don’t appreciate that sentiment in the slightest.

That being said, I know Yufi reads differently. That’s why I put so much work into her metas. I even have two tags for all the content. At some point I’ll even have a less minimalistic blog & with more links so it’s super accessible ( in the off chances searching for the ‘ meta ’ and ‘ kisaragi ‘ tags don’t work ). But in the meantime... ask questions. Read. Join a stream. I’ve literally streamed games & movies for folks privately & occasionally stream now. I actually started a new file of VII not too long ago and just got Yuffie, so I could literally have a gameplay stream where we go through canon together. I’m like... nearly begging. Don’t make assumptions.

Again, there are so many resources. There’s wikis, there’s the tags, there’s the inbox ( just ask! ), there’s streams, there’s gameplay & commentary videos, there’s stuff. If you are confused or unsure, I would much rather you reach out. This is regardless of how long I’ve known you, ‘cause some of us have known me for a while and still don’t know anything about me or my portrayal or how to interact, in- or out-of-character.

On the topic of assumptions (because it really is that important, so many issues stem from assumptions & you continuously making the wrong assumptions will leave me less inclined to speak with you, nevermind interact), let’s address some.

I do not write a hyper-sexualized muse. I know this is fanon because of her choice in clothes... however, clothes are a fashion choice, and do not reflect a person’s... existence? I don’t know if it’s the masculinity or the rape culture or what but... what she’s wearing does not mean she deserves any hypersexual treatment... and also as an extension, myself ( bc this happens way too frequently-- please stop seeing my muse and then approaching me about your personal sexual fantasies. It is extremely uncomfortable, as someone who is sex-neutral & demiromantic, to be randomly selected to talk about sex? with me personally? via my muse? Or about my muse when we have zero chemistry? Why do y’all think this is okay??). When I do choose to write sexual / nsfw content, it’s always after conversations ( plural!! ) with my writing partner & after I feel comfortable with the topic and with them. But even if I had her hoein’ it up on the dash, that doesn’t mean to make assumptions about her character (bc maybe there’s character motivations I need to write a meta for & it’s part of her background) or me (the mun is not the muse!! say it with me!!).

I do not write a kleptomanic. Again, this is entirely fanon, because Yuffie says in literally everything she’s mentioned in that she does not steal without a purpose-- and the highest purpose is that she’s stealing items that would restore the power and glory of Wutai or for her personal safety. However, I very rarely write theft... I try really hard to steer clear of the topic because I’m aware that it’s like the #1 thing she’s reduced to. She’s a thief class, yes, but that is not the only dimension to her. I could go on, but I think that’s enough.

Just because our characters share canon does not mean they’re going to have chemistry. I am canon-divergent. But not only that... Yuffie just doesn’t vibe with most people as a canon fact. She is an outsider to like... 99% of people, exclusion being Godo ( Wutai ) & the Turks & the WRO. She doesn’t even claim herself as a member of AVALANCHE. Not only this, but the dynamic she has with one Reeve or Cloud does not represent every duplicate-- that comes with plotting and with chemistry. We will have to plot & work together to figure out exactly how our versions of characters mesh. This is a collaborative hobby.... so the collaborating shouldn’t be that much of a surprise.

If you come guns-a-blazin’ without clearly having read anything about my portrayal, with completely inaccurate characterizations & just assume because we’re friendly out-of-character I’m gonna be pleased with it.... you’re dead wrong. I’m actually just... a very kind and nice person. I may just gently offer you some suggestions or corrections. But if you repeatedly come with your assumptions & pre-conceived notions and it’s clear you’re not paying literally any attention to me or my ideas about my portrayal... I’ll probably just recommend you to another duplicate. I know one who stole a ton of my content & former friends, so you’ll be in good hands.

If you’re here, I assume that you want to write with me, not the idea of me. I’m a person with feelings & interests too, y’know ?? I feel like somehow that’s easy to forget with me for some reason, given how often people feel inclined to overstep my boundaries & act so disrespectful to me. Which is... fucking wild, honestly !! I’ve even had a person deadass say to my face “ I didn’t think/know you’d want to be treated with appreciation and respect. ” What the actual fuck does that mean? What kind of dominant abuser mentality ??????? Y’all on this site stress me out!!

The last two weeks have been legit stupid stressful on me, and I’ve had some interpersonal changes with folks in the last month (mainly in private) all regarding these subjects. About people here feeling entitled to be rude to me & finding all sorts of justifications for it (I’ve heard everything from “my grandma was sick” to “work’s hard”-- what’s that gotta do with you curb stomping me & my ideas/feelings, and telling me my emotions aren’t relevant in comparison to yours? It doesn’t). And it’s just been weighing down on me a lot. I don’t usually go on main here to discuss issues like this, but because it’s been OVERWHELMING in the last few weeks (and also, bc being nice to everyone is kinda common sense ? and idk why folks here seem to think I’m excluded from the ‘everyone’???), it just seemed like now, while I’m isolating a bit in an attempt to focus on some self-healing, would be a great time to discuss things.

I know this was a long post... but there’s been a lot of injustices done to me on here & in life, so....... if it burdens you to read all this, imagine how shitty it feels to have to experience it. Yeah. It’s rough, pals.

I don’t know how to really end this post godhsaohof. I’m hoping this will kind of open someone’s eyes & like... maybe things will change. I’ve stated before, but I have chronic illness so I really can’t handle stress or, for lack of a better term, a lot of bullshit tbh. If you wouldn’t say it to someone with a dying illness or cancer or a soft sweet grandma, don’t say it to me. Because that’s literally me! I’ve got an illness I’m dying from & I’ve had cancer & I’m soft and sweet! tl;dr, stop being so mean to me dang. I didn’t do anything to deserve this.

#♝ mun.#long post /#please read though.#people on this site have been wearing me out.......#and i just kinda needed a break from it all.#i want to be here! hopefully i'll be back to normal soon.#but i just need some time to recharge & i would like if folks could just be nice to me.....#gosh.#watch me lose followers bc i'm trying to practice some self-love and respect instead of my usual self-loathing lmao.#whatver.... i don't care about follower numbers anymore.#i just want kind and genuine interactions.... is that so much to ask for.

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hufflepuffwannabe · 7 years

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Interview with @studyblr

@studyblr was kind enough to give me some of her time to share about her experiences here in the studyblr community. Rachel radiates kindness and quiet wisdom, and this place just wouldn’t be the same without her, right? I really wanted to get to know her better and figured the rest of the world ought to, too.

me: Well, I think everyone is dying to know how you got your URL. What's the story behind it? Rachel: So, I am a very night-active person, thus being on tumblr at about 2 am on a school night (setting a great example, I know). It was around December 2016, this blog being just 4 months old and still called @mujischolar. While I was absent-mindendly scrolling through tumblr I noticed one of the people I was following announced they'd be going on a hiatus. But because their URL was so popular, they wanted to give it away. So I glanced at their URL - studyblr.tumblr.com. As it was on a first-come-first-serve basis I immediately texted her, she was so so nice and after a short talk (we were mutuals) she agreed to give me her URL. I have treasured it ever since. And also, contrary to the myths, have never killed anyone for it....... ever.... ;) me: Hahaha, everyone will be relieved to know no one was murdered. Do you know the origins of the studyblr community? Rachel: Sadly, I don't, discovered the community around 2014/2015, lurking for a couple of years. Would love to know more about it. Maybe we could even set up an anniversary to celebrate the community, hehe me: When did you start becoming really active and what kinds of posts did you post? Rachel: I started becoming really active when I made this blog in August 2016. Fairly quickly I found out that my strength in this community and the main contribution would probably be my text posts! I adore writing them and seeing all of the positive reactions to them. Also, it's something that wasn't *that* popular back then, as studyblr was (and still is) mostly dominated by studyspo pictures. Occasionally I still post some pictures of my own, but my text posts are still most important to me, also the most popular kind of posts on my blog as well! me: Tell me more about your text posts. Do you have a process for writing them? What inspires you? Rachel: Sometimes they're flashs of inspiration like lightning, sometimes little rain drops that slowly unite into a bigger one. Most of my inspiration actually comes from things I struggle with myself, as a sort of self-reminder. What I also really enjoy are concept posts or "types of...." posts, as both help me to, in a way, learn more about myself as well in the process of writing them! Some of my other most popular posts are simple encouragments though, just because I think everyone needs them once in a while. Some time after I started I began having a pretty clear idea how I wanted my blog to *feel* like, the atmosphere I was trying to convey, and a huge part of that is this a cozy feeling of being accepted the way you are but still pushed to challenge yourself and grow as an individual.

me: How has the community grown and changed since you joined? Related: when did your popularity really take off, and do you think that that's helped shaped the community? Rachel: The community has definitely grown a lot and changed as well since I joined. A lot of my followers are not part of the studyblr community, for some this blog has been their first stepping stone into our little world. I've seen trends come and go, from special kinds of pens or ways of taking notes (remember when the Cornell note taking method was all everybody talked about?) etc. My blog has grown ever since I got this URL, and in the span of a year I've gained around 110.000 new followers. What I def noticed was that, to my delight, others started posting similair text posts as well, and they became much more of a part of studyblr than they were before! That made me extremely happy, also because I love reading them just as much as I love creating them. me: There are a number of members of this community who think that there is too much of an emphasis on studying to your breaking point and/or aesthetics coupled with expensive stationery. Basically, they find all of this troublesome and unrealistic. What message would you give to them? Rachel: Romanticization of studying until you are basically destroying yourself is unfortunately very real in the studyblr community, and I have to admit that when I was just starting out here I caught myself thinking in these patterns as well. Much like the romanticization of mental illness or any body-damaging substances it can be incredibly harmful to think that way, and I am very glad that the general awareness for this issue is rising. Somehow, there is this idea that you are not really productive until you are stressed 24/7 and pulling one all-nighter after another. And this is simply not true. Thankfully, there are a lot of posts emerging now critically adressing this problem and debunking it as well. But there def has been a positive development, at least from my perspective, with the enhanced importance of self-care too. Regarding the studyblr aesthetic, the notes etc: There have been a lot of people over the years in my ask-box simply not realising why one would put so much effort into their notes or their bullet journal, claiming it's unproductive and a waste of time and whatnot. But, clearly, to the people who are passionate about it, it is a hobby they are devoted to and that they enjoy. Sure, there is always a limit -- rewriting your notes 5 times just because of a little mistake, for example. But as long as one is self-aware about the need for a balance between "I want this to look pretty" and "I need to get stuff done", I don't see a problem with it at all. As with most things, balance is key. The "expensive stationery" part is an issue that needs to be adressed seperately, I believe. One of studyblr's main flaws is its elitism. Most posts that get reblogged are filled with Muji and Mildliners and Macbooks, with expensive scented candles etc. That's something we as a community have to deal with as well - a great way is spreading awareness esp. to baby studyblrs starting out that YOU DO NOT NEED EXPENSIVE STATIONERY TO BE A STUDYBLR, which is so so important. Another great way though is tracking a tag - mine is #lookstudyblr - where all studyblrs (and blogs and general) can post their posts to for you to see and reblog them. In that way, little blogs or blogs without many followers or with non-conventional set-ups can be supported as well me: Do you think you'll continue with studyblr into university? Rachel: I definitely will! Not too sure what I want to pursue in university, or even in what country I want to study, so this blog is a very nice constant to have haha me: Softball question: What are your favorite study snacks and drinks? Rachel: My favorite study snacks have to be strawberries or blueberries, my favorite study drink has to be (typical studyblr answer i am so sorry) either the berry drink at starbucks or the cinnamon latte thing. i forgot their names. can't even #typicalstudyblr properly, hahaha me: Harder (?) question: What motivates you most of all? Rachel: For a long time, what motivated me most was that I wanted to get accepted to Oxford University. A lot of what I did, even this blog, was part of my efforts to get in there. When I first heard back and was accepted to interview, I was naturally elated. But when I was there - I had pictured it to be so much more than it was. I had completely focused on that and only that, and seeing, when I got there, that that place might really not be for me was devastating. I didn't want to accept it at first, but when I got my rejection, I sort of knew that they just did me a huge favor. Maybe I'll re-apply next year, maybe not, but just the process of realising that there is so much more out there for me has changed me so much. After that, my main motivation changed extremely. Some would argue it's much more vague now, but it gives me the amount of freedom I need: I sincerely want to make a positive impact. Through this blog, through my studies, through my job. I won't lie and say finding something else to motivate you after having something so definite for so long wasn't hard, but I believe this "search" I was going through and in a way still am was such a big part of me, growing as a person. And I am so so glad that my blog is growing and changing with me. me: What would you like to say to baby studyblrs that you don't think has been said before or enough? Rachel: To baby studyblrs I would like to say that you should learn to put yourself first. I believe a lot of people who join the studyblr community are too eager to prioritise their goals, schoolwork or other people before themselves. (Of course it doesn't apply to everybody here, just to a majority, especially when you look at people who are just starting out). Learning to put yourself first is one of the best decisions you can make, and also one of the hardest. Put yourself first, and don't let others define you. Don't let the fact that you don't have expensive stationery define you, or that you dislike the typical studyblr aesthetics, or that bad grade, or that one person's opinion. I'm not saying to ignore every advice anyone ever gives to you, but be aware of yourself and your situation. There's no use in lying to ourselves, it won't make anything better anway, sadly. me: Last question: how has studyblr shaped your life? Rachel: Even if I tried, I don't think I could sum up the ways in which studyblr has truly shaped me, as it is such a big part of my life now. It helped immensly with self-awareness, self-confidence and self-care, as well as connected me to so many wonderful people, I'll always be so grateful for all of this.

#studyblr #studyspo #studyspiration #lookstudyblr #motivation #inspiration #hufflepuffwannabemine #littlestudyblrblog #einstetic #rivkahlook #rhubarbstudies #academiix #athenastudying #heypfyn

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dent-de-leon · 7 years

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Hi there! I love your blog, your explanations and pretty much everything. I was curious what are your favorite Shieth moments? Maybe with some details? I'd love to compare and contrast with my own. And I also want to share with some friends. I absolutely love reading your thoughts.

oh mannn,, ok uh,,, alright, here we go (it’s top 12 cause I couldn’t cut it down to 10 ok)

12) THIS GLORIOUS SCENE–It’s such a small thing, but we see Shiro and Keith really going through a lot in this first episode. Right from their first scene together, everything is tragic and heart-wrenching. So seeing them just…being themselves and being happy, just relaxing–probably one of the first times either of them really felt at peace since Kerberos–and that’s just really heartwarming to see

11) KEITH SAVING SHIRO FROM THE DROID–we get this scene super early on and I love it because it immediately sets up this idea that Keith is really Shiro’s knight in shining armor, and that if anything happens to Shiro, you just know who it is that’ll be rushing in to save him. Keith also takes the time to recognize when Shiro is having an attack and immediately moves to defend him. It means so much to see that a character with mental illness is never portrayed as weaker or less capable, but still receives comfort and support from loved ones

10) SHIRO REACTING TO KEITH SIGNING ON FOR A “SUICIDE MISSION”–Again, whenever Shiro or Keith are gravely in danger, we see this pattern where they’ll always be more concerned about each other than anyone else. And the animators and writers both make sure to put those reactions as the main focus. So when Keith volunteers for a “suicide mission” and says “No one’s commanding me. I’m doing it,” you can literally see the pain in Shiro’s eyes. He grits his teeth and says Keith’s name, then has to stop and compose himself before he–very resigned and unwillingly–agrees.

The fact that Keith mentions no one can command him is interesting, because we see Shiro has already learned this lesson about the Black lion earlier–”No one commands the Black lion!” So he understands how much respecting Keith’s decisions means, and decides to put his trust in Keith’s instincts. Just like how he had to learn to let go and trust the Black lion. And of course, both of them ended up saving the day

9) WHEN KEITH FINDS KURON–okay so this scene was framed as if it were romantic. First off, this isn’t Team Voltron rescuing Kuron. It’s Kuron being saved by Keith. The scene is this uninterrupted, private moment between just the two of them. If “Shiro” were really like a brother to Keith, and they wanted to stay with that idea of found family, there’s no reason to separate them from the rest of the team.

The fact that everyone else was removed implies there’s an intimacy here beyond just this idea of found family, which would extend to the rest of the team. So it’s really just Keith and Kuron’s scene, complete with longing looks across the vast expense of the universe as they gradually float into each other’s orbit–which again, to me, that final shot of the episode just reads as distinctly romantic. This scene is very personal–both characters are extremely vulnerable, and it’s really just the two of them in empty space. The scene is quiet, heavy, intimate. There’s this weighty atmosphere to it you just don’t get with bros are casual friends. It’s also interesting that Keith was the first memory of Shiro’s that surfaced, implying that he was Shiro’s most important person

8) FORMING BLAZING SWORD–listen, I’m sorry, but it doesn’t get much more magical anime true love destiny than you and your boyfriend combining bayards to make the Ultimate Cosmic Superweapon and overthrow an intergalactic dictator together,, that’s just common sense.

Okay, but really–Shiro lights Keith’s fire, and that’s true in more than one sense. For a long time, Shiro has been Keith’s one and only support, and when he loses Shiro, you see just how much Keith kind of relied on him just to keep going. In an interview, Steven said that “Shiro always took him under his wing. Keith always hoped that he could reach a place where Shiro was and hopefully more. I think Shiro saw that in him and tried to stoke those flames and cultivate that within him.” (source) And honestly, I think this is like the physical manifestation of that–they are on equal ground, Keith does have that fire thanks to Shiro, and they both just fall into perfect sync. Together, they can create Voltron’s greatest strength

7) THEIR FIRST SCENE TOGETHER–literally Keith goes from mercilessly knocking people out, showing up like a thief in the night–a thief who brought exPLOSIVES–to suddenly melting at the sight of Shiro. From their very first scene we can glean two things: 1) these two mean a lot to each other, and 2) whoever this Shiro guy is, he’s clearly Keith’s weakness. You really see how vulnerable and tender hearted he is, and the way he breathes out Shiro’s name, his very first line, before reaching out to gently hold his head so can turn it closer for a better look after all this time?? This is how you setup someone meeting their love interest, complete with a fairytale rescue of the “princess.”

6) bOTH INSTANCES OF “IT’S GOOD TO HAVE YOU BACK” “IT’S GOOD TO BE BACK”–I don’t really need to explain this except just to say that there is no other ship that has a particular phrase they exchange upon reuniting with each other, and if that isn’t the sappiest and most romantic thing, I don’t know what is. It’s also really sweet in that you know they remembered (similarly to when Keith mentions Shiro’s mantra and he’s really touched and says “That really stayed with you, didn’t it?”)

5) tHE SHEITH HUG–see here. All I’m going to say is–this was definitely the follow-up to BOM. A lot of people left the episode thinking okay, but where do we go from here?? How does Shiro really feel about the whole galra thing? And it turns out, they’re even closer. Everyone is kind of keeping their distance from Keith, and Shiro is the only one who says goodbye. Not only that, he holds him close in a gesture that plainly says where he stands not only to Keith, but to any conflicted onlookers who may be watching–hi Allura.

And speaking of Allura, the way we see her turn and stare back at them is definitely deliberate. It’s an interesting way to frame the scene, because not only does it look more intimate, but it also feels like this stolen moment you shouldn’t be privy to, like it’s just for them and you’re an uninvited guest. So yeah, definitely feels more romantic to me than platonic.

This is also the only time when Keith is hugged and doesn’t tense up, because rather than someone else just latching onto him, Keith and Shiro both hold hands and walk into the hug together. As equals. Also, going back to Allura real quick, she looks a bit guilty when she’s caught staring and quickly looks away. She can’t reconcile this picture of the galra as evil traitorous monsters with this person who’s so affectionate and caring, who holds Shiro so tenderly. Shiro symbolizes Keith’s humanity, and by seeing this glimpse of Keith’s love for Shiro, Allura remembers that he is a person first and a galra second.

4) THE WAY THEY CONSTANTLY WORRY ABOUT EACH OTHER IN S2E1 and “YOU’RE GONNA MAKE IT”–aHHHHHH,,, see here, but just real quick: I love the way they’re both hurting but still try to push on for each other, and as Josh has said, Keith here is really Shiro’s hero: “Shiro is in really bad shape and he’s waiting to pretty much get rescued by Keith. I love this clip because you really see the weak side of Shiro, you really see Keith’s determination to find him. And it was just really exciting for me to watch it. Because it really looks dire, and it really looks like he’s not gonna make it in time. And then–a hero comes through and saves the day with the lion.” (source)

Beyond just saving Shiro in the traditional sense, I do also think Keith really convinced him to keep him fighting and that he has to go on. Because he was really ready to give up, but here’s Keith, all passion and fire, and he looks back at Shiro and says, voice aching, “You’re gonna make it.” And Shiro really wants to believe it

3) KEITH MOURNING SHIRO IN S3E1–it was of course expected, but we as the audience really experience Shiro’s loss through Keith. All this time, he is the one still in denial and searching. He’s the one who really loved Shiro and won’t ever give up on him. He’s the one pleading with the Black lion not to replace Shiro, he’s the one who undergoes the five stages of grief and still continues to carry a torch for this man even when everyone else is telling him it’s time to move on. The passion, the outburst, the adamant denial and insistence that everyone else seemed to have forgotten about Shiro, that not one cared about him like he did–Keith’s grief is intense and possessive in a way that reminds me of someone mourning a lost lover, and it’s just really painful to watch Keith lose the person he loves most for the second time

2) “AS MANY TIMES AS IT TAKES”–full analysis here, but just know that it’s this really intimate scene with a lot of interesting direction from the lighting, to the framing, to Kuron’s disheveled appearance, to the way this scene compares alongside Keith’s talk with Lance. Again, this just felt like something more in line with what you’d expect from a love interest. Keith is literally the only one allowed at Kuron’s bedside–because even if this isn’t Shiro, his memories of Keith were enough for him to be the only one Kuron knew he could trust to let him see at his weakest. And Keith’s vow to always save him is nothing short of love

1) THE BOM TRIAL–I feel like I’ve talked about this so much already, so just some quick points: 1) Whenever Keith puts his life on the line, we see just how fierce and defensive Shiro gets 2) like with Keith rescued Shiro, we also see Shiro’s vulnerability really come out when Keith’s hurt. Keith is his weakness 3) “Your friend desperately wants to see you”–the word “desperate” here does not connote a mutual platonic relationship, but rather sounds more like unrequited love to me, which would explain the desperation and intensity of Keith’s feelings 4) “Then you’ve chosen to be alone”–implying that, despite all of Voltron being his found family, literally none of that matters if he loses Shiro, because that will render him all alone. He can’t bear the thought of going on without Shiro, which is why he runs back and chases after him 5) Shiro getting fired up and ready to fight every time someone even suggests Keith may die. That’s simply not an option 6) Shiro rescuing Keith here mirrors Keith’s rescue of Shiro when they first appeared on screen (really go back and watch them, you’ll notice that visually, they’re very similarly animated and framed) 7) Shiro cradling Keith in his arms 8) Shiro being willing to fight off everyone in that base for Keith’s sake, much like Red

#keith #sheith #shiro #voltron #kuron

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brooklynislandgirl · 7 years

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Role-Play Cheat Sheet

Want new-and-exciting plots for your character? Long to reach out to more of your followers, but don’t know where to start? Fear not! Fill out this form and give your RP partners both present and future all the of juicy jumping off points they need to help you get your characters acquainted. Be sure to tag the players whose characters YOU want more cues to interact with, and repost, don’t reblog! Feel free to add or remove sections as you see fit. Template here.

mun name: Turtle {or ya know, D also works} ooc contact: Inbox, IMs, if we’re mutuals and you really want to chat ask for my Discord and/or Skype

Who the heck is my muse anyway? Elizabeth Riley is a nurse. Nothing special, nothing unusual on the surface. Scratch deep enough and you’ll find a woman of uncanny ability. Mage, mutant, witch. There are many names for her kind, but she tries to keep her abilities the best kept secret outside of where Jimmy Hoffa is buried. She is also the sister of Sam ‘Falcon’ Wilson’s former wingman, Andrew Riley.

She exists quietly in the shadow of people much more exotic than herself, that quiet voice of calm in the dead of night, the hand that holds someone else’s and gets them through.

Points of interest:

Beth is...soft. She is sweet. She is gentle. She treats everyone like a long lost friend and has an uncanny knack for understanding what a person needs on a soul deep level. She’s quick to laugh and offer succor. She’s far smarter than she lets on but has never once judged someone for any reason. She’s well off, could live off family money if she chose to, but is a hard worker. She has nerves of steel and doesn’t frighten easy. She’s lived many lives across innumerable centuries. Never quite the same, she’s always been small and delicate and dusky. The only thing she’s retained in all of her incarnations are her eyes, those wide and lovely pools of green with a hint of a honey gold to them. Whether a powered individual or not, and across her verses, one thing that remains a constant is Beth has Auditory Processing Disorder, a learning disability. Also known as Central Auditory Processing Disorder, individuals with Auditory Processing Disorder (APD) do not recognize subtle differences between sounds in words, even when the sounds are loud and clear enough to be heard. They can also find it difficult to tell where sounds are coming from, to make sense of the order of sounds, or to block out competing background noises. Symptoms include: difficulty processing and remembering language-related tasks but may have no trouble interpreting or recalling non-verbal environmental sounds, music, etc. May process thoughts and ideas slowly and have difficulty explaining them. Misspells and mispronounces similar-sounding words or omits syllables; confuses similar-sounding words (celery/salary; belt/built; three/free; jab/job; bash/batch) May be confused by figurative language (metaphor, similes) or misunderstand puns and jokes; interprets words too literally. Often is distracted by background sounds/noises. Finds it difficult to stay focused on or remember a verbal presentation or lecture. May misinterpret or have difficulty remembering oral directions; difficulty following directions in a series. Has difficulty comprehending complex sentence structure or rapid speech “Ignores” people, especially if engrossed Says “What?” a lot, even when she has heard much of what was said.

She’s also a terrible cook and can scorch water.

The most terrifying thing about Beth...is...you see that shadow there? Just a few feet to her left? Darker and colder than the rest? That feels like the chill of the early grave and robs you of your breath just thinking about? Yes, that one. If you look close enough, you’ll see the outline of a man. Tall and predatory. A lethal grace. If you’re lucky, that is all you’ll ever see. If you’re unlucky, you’ll come to find out his woman is NOT your playtoy, and he’ll teach you the error of your ways.

What they’ve been up to recently:

Saving the world, one soul at a time.

Where to find them:

Mostly in New York: In Manhattan {WoD/Main verse}: Saint Vincent’s where she works regular hours and on call. {Defenders} In Hell’s Kitchen: She, along with her partner, an EMT who is also gifted, she runs a free clinic. No questions asked. ~Various AUs~ {Legend} London: A small pub in the East End called The Sole Trader, as owned by Mr. Ronnie Kray. {shifts across various eras...from the 1940s through Modern day, but she’s rarely found beyond Ron’s company} {Xmen} A supporter, believer and general trash-panda of Magneto, Beth wants nothing more but to live in a world where she doesn’t have to fear people because she’s a gifted individual. {MI-5/Spooks} The Hospital of Saints John and Elizabeth {which she finds funny}. {Hawaii-50} Beth’s life took a turn unexpectedly in which she gave up her career in medicine for one in law enforcement, in which she became a rookie under Danny Williams in New Jersey. They were partnered for many years before he took a transfer to be with his daughter, and beth eventually followed in his footsteps, finally returning ‘home’ to Oahu. She currently is an officer with HPD and likes to surf on the weekends. {Agents of Shield} Beth became a SHIELD asset and medic for various teams under the watchful eye of “Uncle” Phil Coulson. Her supervisor, Vivian Harrison isn’t quite sure she’s cut out for the job and there’s often conflict because of her...peculiarities. {Stranger Things} Beth’s father and brother have recently come to rescue/employ of Hawkins Laboratory, leaving the neglected teen-age girl to pretty much raise herself. {Supernatural} A good and decent witch who lives in the hills of Appalachia. She might be dirt poor and illiterate but has a heart of gold. {Peaky Blinders} Set in the 1940s, Beth is a little Romani woman poised to set the world on fire. {The Stepney Mob} The whisper of witch or avenging ghost is quickly hushed in the confines of the Blind Pig and maybe only Davy Lloyd knows the truth {always up for new AUs or places for her to be!}

Current plans:

Doing her job, saving people when he allows her to. Hopefully, saving him from himself.

Desired interactions:

She’s the avenging angel of the down-trodden and ill-spirited, and will patch anyone up for any reason. She is currently also the head of the James Buchanan Barnes protection detail and will kill a bitch for looking at him cross-wise. She’s usually quite reasonable when it comes to playing well with others and can in fact bend over backwards to accommodate rp.

{I’d kill to have a Phil Coulson or other AoS character to play with, I’d love to have a Frank Castle, and I just really wanna make new friends and murder them. With feels. Because murder is wrong. >.>}

Offered interactions:

See all of the above. If questions remain, feel free to msg Turtlemun and we’ll work something out.

Anything else? I like grapes. I drink coffee. I know too many things. A particular note: @brooklynislandgirl is Beth’s blog and my main rp ground. Super-selectively there is a blog for Andrew Riley {her brother and Sam Wilson’s former wingman} which I might share if you ask nicely but keep in mind has to be very canon divergent. Beth also comes with a host of npcs which currently consist of: Ian Barrie of the Firm {Legend} Chauffer/Knife-Wielding Scot/Confident and Loyal to Ron Kray Dmitri Woźniak: Black Market Dealer/Conspiracy Theorist Quothe Ravenchenko: Were-raven and general bane of your existance, what doesn’t say the N word, and will absolutely get whatever you need, whenever you need in one scene change or less. Father Vincent Dafaux: Catholic Priest and Celestial Chorus Mage, nominal leader of the Latch Key Saints cabal. He runs numerous safe houses, keeps his church and rectory open at all hours, and supplies a daily Soup Kitchen and Tent City in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn. Lucien “Luc” Toussaint: A med-school drop out and current EMT with the FDNY out of Bed-Stuy. Originally from Tangipahoa Parrish, Louisianna.

@rxsmyers

Tagging: @lilxlionxman, @ronmanmob, @multi-mused, @reclaimedasset, @jerseysass, @hoouna, @morgansmornings, @drifting-anarchist, @magnetician @lokitheliesmith, @tattoosandmusclecars, @loneshelby @theregoesthebellhop, @thegreatmariahgatsby, @daddylcnglegs @nctcricus, @leslie-holt, @exanimax, @madteddyrp, @bluebxmfing, @bourbonstreetdevil, @thegloriannaobreen, @therapardalis, @thedarcydichotomy, @therealgamble, @lucxsnorth, @leomcleod, @hands-cf-fate, @punishmentismyjob anyone else who wants, just tag me back <3

#meme goodness #This only took about a million years

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art-0f-studying · 7 years

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Study Tips - Studying with a mental illness

As someone who has depression and anxiety, I found that the tips etc that teachers gave worked for others but not for me. I also found that I learnt a lot differently to everyone else because of my mental illness. So here are some tips I used during Secondary School and mainly college that helped me a lot.

Find out when your deadlines are. It’s sounds simple, but it’s not when you have loads of pieces of work that have to be handed in in a short time. In school we had a homework record where you would write down the homework (What Class, description of the homework, any specific criteria that needs to be met, due date). My anxiety would make me think I missed something. So if I wrote it down as soon as we were told, I would trust my notes. If you aren’t sure, ask if you can. I carried this on to college with my own notebook. This saved me so much panic. I would then work on the one that was due first OR one that I knew would take the longest. I have made a free assignment planner printable that you can copy all your homework down onto when you get home. Just save the image and print

Consider times your mental health would be less good. It could be a certain date, or just one of them days. But be prepared for them. If i felt up to it, I would always do some extra work. I did Graphic Design, the work load was horrendous. But each project was the same layout. So after I completed one section I knew what the next was. We could pretty much sit down and complete the whole project if we wanted to (And had a few months to just sit there) without any tutor telling us what to do. So I would start planning what I would do, start doing title designs, or even just get straight into the work. Anything extra you can do while you’re in a good state of mind, will really help you when you aren’t quite your best.

Talk to your tutor. If you need to have a good relationship with anyone, it’s your tutor. My main tutor saved my arse so many times it’s unreal. Without him, I wouldn’t have got my A-levels. I would have been kicked out in the middle of first year (For something not quite related to this post). If I was feeling low, I would go talk to my tutor, we would work out a plan. At the end of the week when we did our share day (basically sit round a table and show the class your work) if I knew I had a really bad week or so or I was feeling really anxious, I would talk to him before hand so he knew not to pick me and make me feel worse. My class was amazing and I was friends with all of them and we were in the same boat so no one laughed or too the mick. In fact we helped each other, but still I didn’t want to feel like I wasn’t good enough to be there. Your tutor is there to help, they want to help you and will work with you. The amount of times I sat next to him and broke down and he never ever made me feel stupid. They have seen everything before, I promise it’s okay to talk to them.

Look after yourself. Stressful day?? Try a bath, relax. Going home and doing more work will not help you at all. I know I said to get work done when you can. BUT not when you feel low. It will be worse. Trust me, it gets messy. Read a book, meet with friends, play that video game. If you feel able to do some work before bed, brilliant, if not, that is perfectly okay. You are still doing great :)

Know yourself. For example. If I was doing psychology homework, I couldn’t have music on. I had to sit at my desk, head down and work. If it was graphics work, I could sit anywhere, inside or out, headphones in happy as can be. Psychology was better done as soon as I got in, and I needed regular breaks and a drink nearby. Graphics was better done during the evenings and even nights, sometimes I would need breaks sometimes, woops 2 hours have gone by. Know how you work and what works best for each subject. Only you can do this, sorry I can’t help you figure it out. It’s okay to take things slow. Split one piece into smaller parts so it doesn’t feel so much of a task.

Lectures. So I haven’t gone to Uni so I don’t have uni lectures, but I did have long lectures about graphics. During this if I felt good, I would take notes and roll with it. But Psychology was when my mental health started to go because I really struggled with anxiety. First year was brilliant, second year, my anxiety and depression had got so much worse. So I started recording the lessons. If i switched off, it’s okay. I had the recordings. I would also ask my teacher to email me all the presentations she did for the lessons every week. So I could go through them at my own pace. I could not go at the same pace as those in my class that have no mental illnesses. To begin with I really really took it out on myself, saying I was stupid etc. My teacher realised I was so different from my first year and I told her about my mental health. She said to me:

“Don’t beat yourself up, learning isn’t a competition. You cannot compare yourself to others. People learn all different ways and at different speeds. When your brain isn’t quite healthy, it can take more time and energy to learn the at the same speed as everyone else. You cannot compete with classmates who are mentally well, because that will do nothing but bring yourself down. We learn for ourselves so there is no point beating yourself up if you take longer to learn.”

Take advantages of the tools they have. I spoke to my teachers if I thought I couldn’t get the work done on time, even though I tried as much as I could because of my anxiety, I couldn’t always do it. They understood. If I did an assignment early, I handed it in early. That was my own way of balancing things out. Free Periods. I spent in the graphics classroom doing anything I could, even if I just put one post it into my book, it was still something extra. Classmates. Not sure on a due date or just want to check something, people have your back. Missed a lesson, maybe they will copy their notes. It’s worth asking. Library. A quiet area for if you are going to have a panic attack. (life saver), books on your topics, a place to do homework, or just find a book to read and enjoy, it’s worth a trip. Counsellor. struggling a bit?? or just want someone to talk to?? It’s free and confidential. Need more tips to help studying. They probably have a few websites you can visit.

This turned into a post that is a lot longer than I thought it would be. I hope at least one tip will be helpful for you. I have printables etc that can help you and they will always be free so check out my blog. Just remember to try not to be to hard on yourself, you are doing so well. As long as you tried your best, you didn’t fail yourself.

One last thing. If I was extremely bad I would allow myself a mental health day pass. I spoke with my parents who agreed with me. There is so much stress, sometimes all you need is a day. I would tell my parents I wasn’t going in. No questions asked. This was only during college that I started this. In 2 years I only needed one day. I felt so much better afterwards. I spent the day writing up post it notes of plans and ideas and organising them. I would write down thoughts and screw them up if I didn’t think they were worth my time and it really helped to clear my head a bit.

Printables: Weekly Planner Assignment Planner To-Do List Today Planner Books To read

#mental health #studying #studyblr #studyblr community #study blog #study #langblr #school #college #uni #learning

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nocaptainreuben · 7 years

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My Thoughts on ‘To The Bone’

So, just like everybody else in the world apparently, I watched the new Netflix film by Marti Nixon, To The Bone, and I have more thoughts than I can easily express on Twitter. In fact, most of my thoughts are more about the discussion surrounding it on Twitter and such, rather than directly about the film itself, but either way, here’s a blog post.

To The Bone, is a semi-autobiographical film about a young girl with severe anorexia nervosa, documenting a short portion of her recovery. Whilst I have my share of mental illness and have worked with young people who have eating disorders (EDs), I have never actually suffered with one myself, so if you think that makes my commentary on the topic invalid, feel free to switch off now. I fully support the idea of “own voices” and I see why it’s so important to give (particularly marginalised) people a chance to bring their own experience to their work and give representation to groups of people whose lives may be similar, but I also have a couple of problems with the movement. For one, I don’t think that if a story is not own voices, then that means you have no right to tell it. As long as your process involves research, respect and sensitivity, you should be able to write what you want and exercise your creativity, because life would be pretty boring if we were all only ever allowed to write about people exactly the same as ourselves. Also, I don’t think that shouting “this is #ownvoices so you have to listen to me and respect me and take my word for it!” makes sense. Everybody’s experience is different (and valid) and no one person is the spokesperson for all things bisexual or Chinese or Schizophrenic or whatever else you’re shouting about. It is possible for other people to disagree with a portrayal of a certain identity, even when it is true to you, and it is still possible to offend people with the same identity as you. The point I’m trying to make is this: To The Bone is own voices. That doesn’t mean it’s automatically brilliant and exempt from criticism. My review of it is not own voices. That doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to have an opinion. Now, on to said opinion… I loved it. I thought it was handled sensitively but with enough grit not to come off twee. It was, in places, difficult and emotional, but then also sharp and witty, with sweet moments and harrowing moments coming with little transition between each other, in a brilliantly realistic portrayal of the multifaceted experience of life with a severe mental illness. The acting, on the most part, was superb, but in particular the portrayal of Ellen/Eli by Lily Collins felt so true. Her abrasive personality, dark humour, small voice and quiet rage resonated with my experiences of other young people in similar circumstances. I felt, as loved ones of ED sufferers often do, that I cared about her, worried for her, pitied her, but was also angry and frustrated with her in equal measure. She was both controlled by her disease and responsible for it, and it was so refreshing to see a portrayal where she wasn’t pandered to and made out as a helpless victim, but given the brutal truth that only she could help herself, and if she wanted to die, nobody could – or would – stop her. I think this is key in my disagreement with the criticism of the film I have seen in the news and social media. I’ve read that it is “irresponsible”, “dangerous” and – depending on who you’re reading – “stigmatising”, “fetishising” or “glamourising” eating disorders. However, I think it takes more than looking at what topic a film is on, or how the main character approaches that topic, to decide if something is problematic. Whilst To The Bone does deal with a very delicate subject, and the protagonist is so deeply entrenched in her anorexia that she isn’t exactly a poster child for recovery, when looking at the tone of the whole film, the views of the supporting characters and the message that came through between the lines, I got a very strong sense that EDs were not sexy or desirable. It wasn’t even a subtle message to be honest. Everyone was pretty clear on their position that EDs were serious and real, and it even dealt head on with the idea of Ellen being someone’s “thinspiration”, making it absolutely transparent just how negative that was. Of course it is possible that people who are already suffering with EDs will look at this and find inspiration, tips, or something to compete with, but that is not the fault of the film. That’s what mental illness does, and people who are struggling will often seek that out wherever they can, so the film is not to blame when somebody takes that from it, and nor should potentially “triggering” somebody be a reason never to make art with a tricky subject matter. I read a really great quote by Krisitina Saffran, one of the founders of Project HEAL, (a charity which deals with eating disorders and supported Noxon by developing a discussion guide around the film) which says “in recovery, part of the process is learning to live in a world full of potential triggers and being ok.” And I think that rings so true, not just for EDs, but for any subject where people would demonise something for being triggering. I do understand people’s concerns and the need to handle certain subjects very carefully, particularly with media that is targeted to a young audience, as when I watched the recent Netflix series, Thirteen Reasons Why, I had the opposite response. I felt that was very dangerous and irresponsible, but the difference lies in the tone. In that show, Hannah Baker blamed other people for her suicide. Fine. One person is allowed to feel that other people are responsible for her mental health. However, just because she feels it, that doesn’t mean it’s true, and this never seemed to be addressed in the show. The only people who ever explicitly said “nobody else is responsible, it was her decision” were people who were blamed by her and trying to assuage their own guilt. The people who were the “13 reasons” were made out to look very guilty, whilst Hannah was painted as an innocent victim, the whole thing did feel quite romanticised, and the overarching message I got from that show was “think about how you treat other people, because look what the consequences are when you bully someone”, which I feel is a well-intentioned but problematic message to be sending to young people. To The Bone, however, showed the reality of one person’s experience, reflected at a number of different angles by the characters around her and didn’t present her version of the truth as fact. I’ve already stated that I don’t think any piece of work can be truly representative of a whole group of people, but I do think this is an accurate and believable portrayal of one person’s experience of anorexia, and it can’t be argued that it’s “wrong”. This story is Noxon’s own, so of course it’s about a rich, thin, straight, cis, white girl. But whilst the film couldn’t have been about anything other than that, as she was using it to portray her own experiences, there was a conscious effort to show that EDs don’t only happen to rich, thin, straight, cis, white girls; there were some other characters in the group home, all struggling with EDs, who were of different races, ages, sizes, sexualities and genders. And no, that’s not me saying, “stop whining about representation, you’re there in the background, isn’t that good enough?”. Believe me, I know we need more stories with minority characters in front and centre roles, but you can’t demonise one film for a problem that is with the whole industry. There is nothing wrong with this particular story being focused on a rich, thin, straight, cis, white girl as long as other people keep coming forward to make films that show different experiences, and I feel that To The Bone can be a stepping stone for us seeing EDs portrayed more frequently, and in more ways, on the big screen. I applaud the team behind To The Bone for making something so honest and difficult, and would urge people watching to look past the fact that it may not fit their own experience or understanding of anorexia, and use this film as a platform for constructive discussion about eating disorders, as Noxon so clearly intended, rather than getting hung up on “I didn’t like the weird bottle scene”.

#to the bone #netflix #film review #anorexia #eating disorder #marti noxon #lily collins

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halleehalfgallon · 8 years

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I had a heavy day yesterday and I would like to write about it. first, though, I wanted to say that I feel so encouraged by the growing number of strangers that seem to care, even just a little, about the tiny person that I am in this world and whatever it is I have to offer it. I made this blog for myself, but many of you have been so kind to let me know that you have found beauty in it as well. that makes me feel really, really happy. I have been struggling a little bit lately as my love and I wait ever-so-impatiently to move our lives back to the countryside where we are building our home. but each enthusiastic message I receive from one of you telling me how excited you are to see the finished product, to watch our future together be built, they remind me what I’m suffering for. thank you.

writing heals me. I haven’t been doing much of it lately. I’ve been afraid. so before I get started on my day yesterday, I wanted to talk about my fears. being an extremely tech-savvy 7 year old, I used to climb out of bed at night, walk across my carpeted bedroom floor and out the open doorway to where my mother’s desktop computer sat, asleep. I’d wiggle the mouse, open ye olde Internet Explorer, and go to weather.com to make sure we would be safe that night from...tornadoes.

I probably did this every single night. and if there was so much as a 30% chance of rain I would wake my mother, crying, because in my young head, rain = thunderstorm = pre-tornadoes = tornadoes. I didn’t understand at the time why this concept did not bother my mother. I don’t remember her telling me that Maine literally almost never has tornadoes and certainly not very threatening ones, but I’m sure she did a thousand times. she would walk me back to my room and tell me that it probably wouldn’t even rain. now that I’m not seven, I’ve realized it isn’t the most realistic fear. my biggest fear has since been replaced with something much more real, but I can’t really even talk about that one.

my second biggest fear was, and is, dying of cancer. I don’t think this is that crazy of a fear to have. despite being quite healthy my whole life, I’ve always had a bad feeling that a tumor would be discovered somewhere in my body and that I would be diagnosed with cancer. it can be difficult when you have a somewhat obsessive personality to discern whether or not a feeling is instinctual or plainly paranoia. I am a bit of a hypochondriac (taking after my father), with the occasional mild real-life-health-problem, so I have to be careful not to read too many stories about people who are ill. I’m ashamed, but when someone I sort of know is diagnosed with cancer, I have a hard time thinking of them and sometimes even looking at them. The Fault In Our Stars, as much as I adored both adaptations, only sent my anxiety levels further up into the sky. my third biggest fear was/is oral surgery. (why can’t I just be afraid of snakes or spiders or ghosts?) originally, this fear was born of aNOTHER fear: humiliation. I was a sensitive kid. YouTube was brand new and swimming with videos of young people high on drugs from having their wisdom teeth out, saying crazy things, embarrassing, horrifying things. I was afraid that I would say something insane, something troubling, something awful, and not remember. I told my mother every single time we went into the dentists’ that it wasn’t happening, even if it needed to. I would handle the pain of impacted wisdom teeth.

when I got a little older, I got an infection in my finger that I had to have surgery for, and I learned the hard way that people with EDS Hypermobility type are pretty much immune to pain medication. I started hearing stories of Zebras (EDSers) whose oral surgery went totally wrong because of this. that fear got tremendously bigger after that. I went to the dentists’ to for my biannual cleaning yesterday. my family has seen the same dentist twice a year for my whole life. they know us well. they often play our album over the speakers. they are very friendly, and they remember everything we discussed the last time. the hygienist and I covered every topic from the cabin to tiny houses to the wedding to birth to homebirth to the difference between nurse midwives and CPMs to breastfeeding to extended breastfeeding to bodybuilders drinking breastmilk as a superfood sort of deal. when we weren’t discussing one of these topics, I tried tovimagine myself sweeping the floor of the new (finished) cabin, or preparing a guest bed in Awkward Annie. (millennial libs and their safe spaces!!!1) the hygienist told me that I was due for my xrays. they have a new xray machine that gets your WHOLE jaw in the scan. fancy shit. I put my head in the contraption, bit down on a little piece of plastic, the thing whurred and did a circle around my head, and then this crystal clear image of my skull from my nose down appeared on the computer screen next to the machine. “this is you!” she said. and then she went quiet for a little while. “you can go have a seat back in the room!” I waited there for 10 minutes, wondering why she wasn’t coming back. I heard her talking to the dentist. I shooed away nagging fears of impacted wisdom teeth (even though I could see that they looked great on the scan) and scrolled away on my phone to pass the time.

the dentist and the hygienist both came into the room at last. “your wisdom teeth look great,” Dr. Dunbar said. “I see no reason to take them out. just keep them clean!” RELIEF. years and years and years worth of anxious energy spent on a nonissue! so much peace restored. how lucky am I, the only one out of my four siblings not to need the surgery, and coincidentally the only one who’d been so deathly afraid of having to! “but we’ve found something...right here, in your lower left jaw. it looks like a tumor.”

a tumor. “I’ll go get mom.” the hygienist said, leaving the room quickly to fetch her from the waiting room.

the dentist continued. “it’s benign, it looks like. but it might still have to be removed. I’m going to refer you to an oral surgeon so he can take a look at it.” he asked me a lot of questions. do I have any pain? no. he felt around, and detected nothing. “I bet it’s nothing to worry about, but we just want to be sure.” I feel betrayed by my body -- how long have I had this inside of me? it could’ve been there all this time, Dr. Dunbar said. it may have developed out of tooth matter from a tooth that broke below my gums a long, long time ago. we don’t know. that’s what I don’t like. I’m as afraid of knowing as I am of uncertainty. I know the possible explanations that were given to me should put me at ease. my logical brain knows that there was no fear in his voice. but all I can hear is the one in my head, saying “I have a tumor. I have a tumor. I have a tumor.” damn my fears. I feel like I cannot relax. it kept me up too long last night. in all of my dreams, I cried. if it’s benign, I will be glad to lay the cancer fear aside. but even so, I may have to have it removed, and in will ride another lifelong fear. I told my mother on the tearful drive home that I half expected a tornado to come rolling in so we could get through them all in one day.

if you’ve read this far, thank you, you didn’t have to. I hope you will think of me, pray for me, send love my way, whatever it is you do. now that I have released these fears, I can address them. I have no choice but to do just that. no matter what happens, I know that I’ll be fine. but I’m still afraid. it’s not easy to admit when you’re afraid.

if you have any words of encouragement or success stories relating to this sort of thing, please do share them with me. it would help me tremendously.

#teeth tw #cancer tw #tumor tw #tumor #oral surgery #fears #tornado tw #tornado #childhood fears #personal #pray for me #think of me #send love and light

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femslashrevolution · 8 years

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"Writing Yourself by Accident" by Recourse

This post is part of Femslash Revolution’s I Am Femslash series, sharing voices of F/F creators from all walks of life. The views represented within are those of the author only.

[TW for dysphoria, depression, mentions of suicide and abuse]

The funny thing about the prompt “I Am Femslash,” to me, is how unnervingly accurate it is.

I started writing femslash around the same time I started taking writing seriously in general. I’d always wanted to be a writer, but found myself having trouble in developing the kind of long-form novels that I’d always wanted to do. As I started to actively work on my writing and putting out my first hundred thousand words or so, I somehow stumbled into writing Fallout: New Vegas fanfiction. I had an idea for my Courier, who she was, what her plans post-game were, who she loved, and was mildly pissed that Cass, the obvious choice for her, wasn’t available. So I started a little something.

I’d always played my main characters in western RPGs as women, and gay women at that. When I first picked up KOTOR, that was really when I should’ve known, as I just…selected the female option, because it felt right. And later I downloaded a mod to make the lady love interest bi.

This trend continued in my New Vegas fic, and this is where you start to see where I actually am my work, even when I didn’t know it at the time. I wrote Courier Six as a woman with deep-seated intimacy issues, who hated what the world had done to her body and despite loving other women found it difficult to make real connections with them because she hated being vulnerable. Funny how all that turned out to be me, too, dealing with dysphoria and self-hatred and the influence of toxic masculinity.

But I didn’t know this, at the time. I didn’t think I was writing me. I was writing a fucked-up woman, an interesting character to me. Definitely not relatable, I’m just a normal straight guy, right?

I was sixteen and in deep denial.

As I moved through high school, and then college, I kept writing femslash in the background. I felt ashamed of it. I didn’t do anything to separate it from my main online identity, but I never talked about it on my Tumblr (which gained a fair amount of popularity for my gifmaking stuff and feminist ranting) and I thought it was somehow a black mark against me. Despite the fact that I didn’t write smut at the time, I still thought somehow I was being that cringe-inducing straight person who writes gay stuff about the opposite gender as a fetish. It was just something I did, almost as a compulsion, when I couldn’t manage to pull together the inspiration to do my original work. It came so easy to me.

It never became terribly popular; partly because I was posting on FF.net instead of AO3, and partly because I almost exclusively wrote for dead fandoms. I didn’t mind. They were things I put out for myself, to excise my own persistent ideas of what should have happened in this, that, or the other thing. I didn’t even realize how I was expressing myself; how writing Commander Shepard as a sixteen-year-old girl convinced she’s ugly and worthless, suffering from mental illness and suicidal thoughts, was actually cathartic for me. To me it was just something I was doing, adding depth to characters who didn’t have it in the base game. The fact that I too felt ugly and had suicidal impulses was just a coincidence.

I also came to find that I just couldn’t write straight romance to save my life. I found it weird and alien, like I just didn’t understand how a man and a woman could even be attracted to each other, despite having a goddamn girlfriend (and a great one at that.) I started writing erotica as an experiment, and couldn’t even fathom writing it for straight characters or couples. It just didn’t interest me, and the idea of doing it actively disgusted me. So femslash it remained, constantly questioned, like I was dirty or disgusting or broken for writing it.

I put out my first public, smutty fic the same year that a friend committed suicide. I threw it up on AO3 under an alternate account, a different persona called Recourse, with no ties to anything beyond AO3. It’s pretty twisted, featuring (surprise!) a main character with deep intimacy issues and a strong dislike of being touched. I wrote this as stemming from trauma, but I already knew I was suffering from massive dysphoria in that area (and my girlfriend had figured it out herself by this point) and I was starting to get why I kept writing people like this. Why all my protagonists had mental scarring and intrusive thoughts and suppressed urges. Why they were all women, and why they all loved women, even if they didn’t want to.

I got closer and closer to working myself into my stories. My first halfway emotional work for Life Is Strange, the fandom I’m now known for, dealt with grief for a lost friend in a way I couldn’t in real life. I still pulled back on that work, though, thinking I needed to please an imaginary audience, not go too dark, not go too deep. They’re here for the smut, right?

It was when I finally threw away my inhibitions that I started to actually understand myself. I wrote a story that was explicitly about mental illness, about fears of abandonment, about suicidal urges. It was called Pedestal. Sure, I included a little smut, but once that work was finished, I realized that all the real attention from people was focused on exactly the stuff I feared would put people off. People connected to Chloe’s depression, her fears and anxieties. They thanked me, wanted to talk to me more.

I put she/her on the profile page.

I set up a blog for that persona. Didn’t post anything, just created it. Then I set to work on something else.

My friends, including my girlfriend, had been subject to massive abuse in 2015 (and before.) I was obsessed with the subject. And I was still grieving, still screwed up about how to grieve for someone I still have very complicated feelings about. So I wrote a story called Little Blue Pills, all about a spiral of self-hate and grief resulting in abuse and a suicide attempt. I tried to cap it off with something hopeful, and the strange response to that ending made me break down publicly on the blog. Writing parts of it had already given me anxiety attacks, and now I was struck with a feeling of imposter’s syndrome, like I shouldn’t have written this, like I should just be dead.

Someone followed me on that blog. I started talking to her. I found out we were both closeted trans women, and through the act of sharing my experiences with her, I started to make them make sense.

And I kept writing, and kept writing, and kept writing. I found more and more friends, more and more people who connected with my work, because I was finally being honest about where it all came from and it shone through clearly in the authenticity of my work. And the more honest with myself I was, the more I wanted to be honest to the world.

I showed my girlfriend the account, the stories I’d written. I admitted that I’d become certain in my identity as a result of them. (Turned out later she’d found my first story a long time ago, but she kept quiet and waited for me to be ready, bless her.) With her following me, and my new circle of friends, I became more and more confident. I lost a bunch of weight. I chose a name. I started laser treatments. I got a prescription for HRT. I came out in November, went full-time, and I’ve never been happier.

Without femslash, without this outlet, I literally wouldn’t be who I am today. I might still be in the closet had I not met the people I have, processed my emotions through this medium. I might be dead. It is through the sapphic community surrounding Life Is Strange that I’ve come into myself. Thank you to all the authors and artists out there who showed me I’m not alone. I am femslash, I am part of this world, and I couldn’t be happier.

About The Author

I’m Mogatrat, or Recourse, or Gloria, a 23-year-old trans woman from Colorado. I write largely for Life Is Strange, but have dabbled in various other places.

Where to find my writing: http://archiveofourown.org/users/Recourse/works and http://archiveofourown.org/users/Mogatrat/works

Main Public Blog: http://mogatrat.tumblr.com

Unlisted sideblog for LiS and writing: http://recourse-ao3.tumblr.com/

#recouse ao3 #I Am Femslash #Type: Meta #Femslash February #Femslash February 2017 #submission

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petsupplyandmore · 6 years

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Indicators and Remedies of the Feline Herpes Virus

Uncontrollable Sneezing? Runny Nostril? Your Cat Would possibly Have Feline Herpes

It’s common for involved cat homeowners to surprise about the perfect plan of action once they see their cat with watery eyes, runny noses, and uncontrollable sneezing suits. Do you let it run its course? Do you make a beeline to the closest emergency vet clinic?

Most cat homeowners are unaware that their kitty was uncovered to and contaminated with Feline viral rhinotracheitis. This an infection was brought on by and also referred to as the Feline herpesvirus type- 1 (FHV-1).

As scary because it sounds, FHV-1 is pretty frequent. Virtually all cats are uncovered to the virus as kittens and should solely current signs below demanding conditions. Nevertheless, cat homeowners ought to take the time to familiarize themselves with what causes FHV-1, what signs to search for, and the way the virus is handled.

What’s the Feline Herpes Virus?

Feline viral rhinotracheitis (FVR) is among the main causes of higher respiratory infections, the most typical reason behind conjunctivitis in cats, and brought on by the feline herpesvirus type- 1. Whereas the virus is extremely contagious amongst home and wild cats, it can not infect different animals or people.

FVR can infect cats of all ages, sizes, and breeds. However, the an infection turns extra extreme in kittens or cats that battle with different continual ailments.

Is my cat more likely to get contaminated?

FVR spreads from an contaminated cat to a wholesome one by sharing litter bins, meals/water dishes, grooming one another, taking part in, and even combating. The virus is handed by means of the saliva and discharge from the eyes and nostril of an contaminated cat. In case your wholesome cat comes into contact with the contaminated cat or an object (blanket, toy, and many others.) that has saliva or leftover discharge remaining, they’re more likely to get the virus.

If a feminine cat contaminated with the FVR an infection provides delivery to a litter, her kittens could begin exhibiting signs a number of weeks later.

As a result of Feline Viral Rhinopneumonitis and Feline Herpesvirus Sort 1 are extremely contagious, cats adopted from shelters, residing in catteries, or residing in a multi-cat family are greater than doubtless carriers of the virus.

What signs ought to I be in search of?

Not all signs will seem in an contaminated cat however homeowners ought to search for the next:

Sudden uncontrollable sneezing Discharge from the eyes or the nostril Pink eye or conjunctivitis (swelling of the tissue across the eyes) Eye ulcers Congestion Fever Drooling Lack of urge for food Squinting Lethargy Keratitis (irritation of the cornea that causes painful, watery eyes and blurred imaginative and prescient) Mouth respiratory

How lengthy will my cat be sick after getting FVR?

After turning into contaminated, cat homeowners may not begin seeing signs for 2 to 5 days. Throughout this time if the cat is just not remoted, it may well very simply move on the an infection to different cats. Sometimes, the an infection will solely final about 10-20 days relying on the severity of the case. Some cat homeowners have reported the virus lasting for practically a month.

All cats who’ve had FVR or FHV-1 at the moment are carriers of the virus. Nevertheless, simply because your cat is a service doesn’t imply it must be locked away. Most carriers with the virus could by no means present indicators or signs of the an infection, however the virus will stay of their system in a latent or dormant state.

Cat homeowners ought to know that stress could cause a viral reactivation. It will begin to “shed” the virus, inflicting it to change into contagious as soon as once more.

How do I get a analysis?

A cat can get an higher respiratory an infection in a number of alternative ways, and a diagnostic isn’t all the time as clear minimize as you’d anticipate. A analysis of feline viral rhinotracheitis relies in your cat’s medical historical past, present signs, and the outcomes of a bodily examination. Vets significantly search for proof of a corneal an infection through the use of a dye to establish if any ulcers have developed. The physician might also gather virus particles from the attention, nostril, or throat discharge to find out the precise kind of FVR.

Sadly, if a cat is just not exhibiting any scientific indicators of FVR or the virus appears to be within the latent state, diagnostic testing often doesn’t reveal a lot.

What therapies are there for FVR?

In case your cat begins exhibiting signs of FVR, it should take some consistency, diligence, and persistence in your half to get your pet again to full well being. Infections can take a while to resolve, and there’s no treatment. Nevertheless, you are able to do a number of issues to assist your cat really feel extra comfy and cut back his or her ache.

Alone time

The very best factor you are able to do for a newly adopted cat is to maintain it away from all different cats, at the least for a number of days. The virus is extremely contagious and might unfold shortly in a multi-cat home.

Moisture and humidity

Slightly little bit of humidity can do wonders for clearing nasal passages. The following time you go to take a sizzling bathe, convey your cat in with you to the toilet. The steam from the bathe will open up the nasal passage and make it simpler in your cat to breathe. Or you should use a humidifier.

Lysine supplementation

The amino acid L-Lysine is a well-liked complement used to assist immune operate in cats. L-Lysine can sluggish viral replication and permits a cat’s immune system to reply extra successfully to different therapies and might sluggish the severity and the frequency of flare-ups. Simply make sure you discuss together with your veterinarian about how usually and the way a lot L-Lysine to present your cat.

Cut back stress

FVR can flare up attributable to stress (transferring, new animals within the residence, and many others.). Dedicate a quiet, comfy spot within the residence the place your cat can get some relaxation.

For cats that present indicators of discomfort like peeing outdoors the litter field, hiding, or harmful scratching

Nursing care

Should you discover your cat has eye or nasal discharge, preserve a bundle of OptixCare Eye Cleansing Wipes close by which you can wipe away the additional secretions. That is an important step because it helps the eyes and nostril from being blocked and crusting.

Topical ointments

Veterinarians could prescribe topical antibiotic ointments (terramycin, oxytetracycline, erythromycin, and many others.) to assist with corneal ulcers and conjunctivitis.

Antibiotics

FVR and FHV-1 are viruses and don’t reply to antibiotics. Nevertheless, many veterinarians could prescribe an antibiotic if there are indicators of a secondary bacterial an infection. The secondary bacterial an infection might be worsening earlier signs and might complicate the FVR, particularly for kittens.

Canned meals

An higher respiratory an infection usually means your cat could have a decreased sense of odor. Whereas this will likely not appear to be a deal-breaker, a lower of their sense of odor can result in a lack of urge for food. One of many advantages of feeding your cat canned meals whereas they’ve a URI is that canned meals has a a lot increased water content material than dry meals. This implies your kitty won’t solely be tempted to eat however preserve them hydrated a lot simpler.

Should you suspect your cat could also be creating an higher respiratory an infection, please communicate with a veterinarian earlier than administering any remedy. A brief examination can assist decide the severity of the an infection and the correct course of remedy.

Should you’re apprehensive about the price of taking your pet to the vet, many pet insurance coverage corporations embody any examination charges of their protection. PetFirst is a superb choice for pet homeowners as they’ll customise their protection to cowl the prices of examination charges and drugs.

Can FVR be prevented?

No vaccine will finally forestall an FVR an infection from taking place. However, the usual vaccines given to cats often features a dose in opposition to feline viral rhinotracheitis. The vaccine will cut back the severity of the illness (ought to catto begin exhibiting signs) and shorten the period of time your cat is sick. Nevertheless, over time the virus could overtake the vaccine, so it’s vital to schedule an FVR booster shot. Your veterinarian will offer you an correct schedule personalised to the wants of your cat.

Discuss to your veterinarian about getting a booster shot a number of weeks earlier than leaving your cat in a single day or going to a cat present.

Though there is no such thing as a treatment for FHV-1 or FVR, that doesn’t imply your cat can’t dwell an extended, wholesome, and joyful life. Generally, kitties reply properly to strategic medical administration so long as the proprietor stays attentive. Taking the time to cut back the possibility of an infection, feeding your cat a wholesome, palatable weight loss plan (supplementing the weight loss plan with L-Lysine every day), sustaining a relaxed and comfy atmosphere, and staying up-to-date on all vaccines will guarantee your cat makes it by means of all its 9 lives.

Concerning the Creator Carlee Linden is a Content material Administration Specialist for BestCompany.com and manages the On-line Pet Retailer and Pet Insurance coverage blogs. When she’s not at work, Carlee could be discovered on-line purchasing or redecorating her house.

from Pet Supply and More http://petsupplyandmore.com/index.php/2019/02/15/indicators-and-remedies-of-the-feline-herpes-virus/

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thetagsale · 6 years

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Kid Fears

I can remember as young as three-years-old, Opal would get overwhelmed by her feelings and just scream. Nerve-racking, soul-shattering yells, high in pitch and sharp-edged enough to bring the house down. I thought it was a tantrum. I thought it was her big emotionality. I wrote my ass off about parenting methods I’d tried based on all the books. So many books. I wanted to share the wisdom of experience, but frankly, I didn’t feel any sort of extra intelligence from my experience of navigating the world of Opal’s emotions. Just heartache and exhaustion.

She got older, but the bouts of screaming stayed with her like an invisible illness. When her feelings grew even the slightest bit beyond tepid, or plans changed abruptly (which is something I avoid as much as possible, but then, life.), or homework was challenging, or Ruth was too annoying, or what-have-you, I’d find myself reaching to steady the breakable vases as they did in Mary Poppins when the neighbor blew his cannon every hour on the hour. Batten down the hatches.

Having a sibling certainly complicated things. I always feared the screaming was somehow damaging to the baby in the house. Our first foster daughter, Ericha, came to us because she had birth parents whose main mode of communication was to scream and hit. The last thing I wanted was for her new and safe home to be filled to the edges with the intermittent shriek-fests of her sister.

I can see myself putting the baby in her crib—Ericha, our first, who we had for a year, then Ruthy, who we adopted—and coming upstairs to calm Opal by just holding her. She’d push me away at first but then flop into my lap with a defeated sigh, weeping into my shoulder so much I’d feel like she’d need an IV drip to recover. I saw it in a movie about working in a child psychiatric unit. (I find I am always looking for glimmers of understanding and hope to apply to our situation, like panning for gold from thin air.) In the movie, the staff people would just hold these kids, as if they were squirming puppies in a blanket, firm but loving, to keep the child from hurting herself or anyone else. When I saw that, I cried. The rage and violence of these children eventually dissipated and they were left boneless and vulnerable in the lap of the staff member.

God, so many years of it. Taking the time now to reflect, I feel a new sense of fatigued humility. It was never constant, her outbursts. There have been enough gaps in the weave not to put her in real therapy. (We’d consider it, reach out, even find someone to talk to, but then we’d have a collection of angst-free days and put that particular approach on the shelf.)

Also, I had so much therapy as a kid (an older kid, but still) for my big emotions, my staggering ups and downs, that I always felt like I was a broken thing to be fixed. I have zero recollection of anyone trying to give me tools to work my particular disposition. I would have given anything for my parents to sit with me and say, How are things going for you? What’s it like for you in there? I love you just as you are AND we will work through this together. That’s what we’ve been trying to provide for Opal. I never ever in a million years want her to feel like she is a fucked-up thing. The concern of that has certainly guided our choices.

Here we are. Now. She just turned nine. The current method of working with the screaming was most recently to suggest that she go to her room to cool down and regroup. We moved her beloved guinea pig, Lightning, in there. We discussed it at our family meeting—she chose this as the best course of action when she loses control. But when it came down to it, when the emotions kicked in the door, all she wanted to do was talk about it. Her need to examine those emotional parasites piece by piece was all-consuming. She was unable to see how that method unfailingly exports her—almost instantly—to a very deep and dark place. She feels she is being negligent by taking her mind off of it, when in fact, her focus is like voluntarily gripping the anchor as it pulls her to the bottom.

God, I know about that approach all too well. Before children, I used to think journaling about my feelings was what needed to happen to work through my feelings. Perhaps that’s true, but only partly. Once written down, pen-to-paper, I missed the step of what’s next? How can I rise out of this? What can I do for others? And thus, I wound up cultivating a more engaged and deluxe mode of communicating about how fucked up I was. I got really really good at chasing my emotional tail. Having kids was the ultimate teaching in you just ain't got time to dwell in the muck.

It was then that I finally experienced what happens when emotions occur, acknowledged but uncoddled for lack of time. (I’m talking about the everyday emotions, here, not the heavy-hitters that DO need tending.) They PASS. Eureka.

Even now, my instinct when I’m feeling shitty is to sit down and write about the shitty feeling. Pretty much across the board, that DOES. NOT. HELP. What does help? Connecting with a friend. Walking in the fresh air. Finding some art to linger over. Essentially, raising my gaze so that I can once again view beyond my own, personal, self-serving, survival-based bubble.

This is all just to say that I have decade-upon-decade of experience with this for myself.

So now, Opal is no longer given the choice. And as much as I’m not a fan of this is for your own good thinking, Opal’s emotions simply cannot be in charge of steering the ship of our entire household. How did that saying from my time in a twelve-step program go? You can’t fix your thinker with a broken thinker? Something like that.

Now, when the cannonball sounds and the screaming begins, I am quick and clean, tethered and steady in my predetermined course of action.

Honey, when you scream you lose the privilege of being in the same space as we are. Your feelings are welcome. Screaming is not. So it’s time to head up to your room and I will check on you in five minutes and be the one who decides when you are ready to calmly join us again.

It used to be that she would go to her room to cool off and come back out when she was ready. NOPE. That only prolonged the painful process. She’d think she had calmed down, then come out and start the whole thing right up again and the back-and-forth to and from her room was a grueling and painful dance, leaving us all feeling defeated and assaulted.

So no, now I am in charge of saying when she can come out. And as pissed off as she was, initially, she seemed to see that she can regroup much quicker when she’s not also in charge of gaging if she has re-grouped enough yet. If that makes sense.

As I said, the wailing fits have been an occurrence in our home for at least six years. I remember blogging about them in my second parenting blog which was when Opal was two and three years old. There have been eras where a certain thing we are doing really seems to help quell her inner turmoil (and we go on a kick of feeling like badass parents), but inevitably the humbling and confusing time will come when what we are doing no longer seems to have any effect and the volume-dial on her outbursts is once again off the charts.

But, familiar as her episodes are in our family and our household, and such a major part of her childhood, they have never really had one obvious cause.

Except for the Fluid.

The Fluid is what Opal used to call the stomach Flu when she was younger, Kindergarten. That’s when she got it for the first time. Our entire house, including baby Ericha, got the stomach flu. It was nasty and took weeks before I felt confident that our house was no longer being tormented by the demon-virus. The next year, First Grade, Opal was out sick for a total of 40 days! She had the Fluid for exactly five of those days, the rest were generic viruses. Regardless, a phobia was born.

However, Opal’s Fluid-phobia always had a very different texture than her screaming. On the one hand, she had her regular outbursts which were completely unconcerned with volume and level of destruction. On the other hand was her fear of sickness: it was quiet, helpless, lots of tears, as if she wanted to hide from it all.

Only now do I realize that they are each a side of the same coin.

It’s all fear. It’s all feeling a lack of control. It’s all having emotions that feel bigger than what her little body can process. The same story told in two very different ways.

Recently, during the last few weeks, Opal’s Flu Phobia (she no longer calls it the Fluid) has grown to a massive, suffocating beast. Most mornings, she will be going along fine and then say something like, “Here comes the fear again.” It’s heart-wrenching. Like the twinge in the back of my neck that tells me I’m about to have a headache; it’s so hard not to brace yourself against it, gritted teeth, white knuckles. Or to simply give up before it even starts, which is often the case with Opal. She sees the beast approaching and she lies down at its feet. Tears, paralysis, panic.

Jesse and I agreed that something more has to be done. Something bigger than us from someone who is trained to guide us all along this rocky, unpredictable path. I suppose I always thought that since Opal was working with the same things I have worked with —and still occasionally work with—that I could help her through. But no. My experience does not translate. And I say with all the heart I can muster.

Nov. 13, 2018

#Fear #Anxiety #Parenthood #AlwaysLearning #HumblePie

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juliabenerdy · 6 years

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Okay…SPOILERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I read the book and I watched the movie a long time ago. This blog has been a long time coming and taking me forever! I will be truthful and say that it has been a LONG time since I finished a book. For shame on me too because I love to read. This was the book that I finally finished but it was also the one that I was stuck on. It was not taking me so long to finish it because it wasn’t good. I actually loved it. It took me so long because of well…life and also I originally didn’t want to start it. It was a book that my husband wanted me to read and I hate it when I am told what to read.

However, this was really special to him. My hubby does not delve into fiction often (him being more of the comic nerd) and he really wanted to share the book that got him reading a science fiction NOVEL. Seeing that this was adorable I finally caved and started reading the book. I was pleasantly surprised that as a fellow female nerd, I really enjoyed it. However, life caught up with us and I accidentally stopped reading halfway in the book. So when I was ready to pick it up again I kinda had to start over. This idea ultimately frustrated my bibliophile heart but I really wanted to complete this book. 1. Because it is actually really good. 2. It was something that my hubby and I could share and 3. I had to get over this stupid “not reading lately” curse I had. I made it official in my head that I was going to end it with the book that started it.

So..Ready Player One…the book that got a lot of love at first and then a hell of a lot of crap. Ernest Cline’s science fiction debut novel of 2011 was critically acclaimed receiving the Alex Award and Prometheus Award. Set in a very believable dystopian 2044 future, Wade Watts is the main character that belongs to the young crowd of Gunters. Like most everyone in this dystopian world, Wade is in love with the virtual reality world The Oasis. Literally everything is done in the Oasis contributing to the steady economic decline of the real world. In 2044, the world is hammered by energy crisis from the decreased amount of fossil fuels and the rise in global warming problems. The overpopulation in the world causes social unrest and stagnation in the economy. It is no wonder people decide to fall into the Oasis to escape the reality of this declining real world.

The virtual world is powered by visors and haptic technology with things like gloves, suits and chairs! Literally everything we can ever imagine what virtual reality would be like in the future. The Oasis is like one ginormous MMORPG but the currency is actually more stable than in the real world. (This is a freaky thought…am I right???)

James Halliday is the creator of the Oasis and everyone looses their collective minds when after he dies he announces in a public video he made before death that he hid an Easter Egg in his own game, The Oasis. He says the first person to find this said Easter Egg will inherit his entire fortune and his corporation. I think in this type of future I can see why people lost their minds. Especially the younger generations like Wade’s. They wanted something to strive for. Something to keep their hope alive.

The best thing that I feel like I can do from this point is to say what I liked about the book and if it played out the way I wanted in the movie or differently and if I like it. This is essentially a book and movie review in one.

AGAIN SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CHARACTERS:

Wade/Parzival: Living in the stacks of the dying metropolitan future Oklahoma City, Wade remains the protagionist in the book and the movie. His name Parzival for his avatar is based after the Arthurian Knight involved in the quest for the holy grail. He dedicates his life in finding the Halliday egg and ultimately is the winner of the whole shebang. I loved that the hero was not perfect–he finds the Cooper Key first but ultimately needs help finding the Jade key. At first I was really irritated that he was not the one to find the second key/gate, but I realized I like it when my heroes have flaws and they are not perfect and Wade is definitely not perfect. I loved how his avatar looked in the movie. It had the perfect anime feel with a knight sword on it. Honestly, it could have had a little more armor some where on it to made it a little more like what I imagined in the book, but I was really pleased with it. Also bravo Tye Sheridan for a job well done!

James Halliday/Anorak: Halliday was exactly what I imagined in the book in the movie. Mark Rylance did an amazing job in his portrayal, but then again I am completely biased because I saw the character in the books exactly like how it was portrayed in the movies. He was described to be a little quirky and maybe a little bit on the spectrum in the books and that is how it was done in the movies. I thought it was done superbly.

Aech: Aech I thought was going to be a really tough character for the movies to portray, but honestly I was so pleased with Lena Waithe’s portrayal that I could not imagine this character as anyone else. To be quiet honest Steven Spielberg casted someone better than my own imagination could do and that is saying something because my imagination is awesome. Lena was perfect for the role of Aech. The character is very complicated in the fact that she is in real life a African American lesbian but in virtual reality she plays as a white male because she grew up with a mother telling her that the Oasis is great for reasons like pretending to be someone you are not to avoid prejudice and sexism. I was disappointed that we lost some of Aech’s backstory and explanation to Wade on her story in the movie. It was much more emotional and explanatory in the book and they could have put more effort in the movie to keep that, but instead all they did was have a brief exchange in an alley letting Wade know who Aech was based off of a saying they say in a movie. It was not as climatic to me.

Ogden “Og” Morrow: Simon Pegg is always good in his roles, but I pictured my Og a little bit differently. Not to say that he didn’t do a good job in the role and I was not pleased with what they did. They did have to change things in the movie to the extent to where it was not exactly the same as the book. Since I could not have the whole part where the main characters meet at Og’s estate for the final battle in the Oasis, it was nice to have this movie Og still provide a major role in the film. Book Og was always watching the main characters and rooting for them even though he could not really assist them he still was having a watchful eye on them. He provided them a sanctuary at his estate when they were getting attacked non-stop by Sorrento. This was a really great point in the book for me, but seeing that there was still some of that magic in the movie by making his Oasis avatar the Halliday Library Robot Butler in disguise was pretty nice since he followed their journey looking for Halliday clues. Incidentally, they had him be the one to give Wade the EXTRA LIFE artifact coin instead of him playing a game of PAC-MAN (like in the book). In my opinion it was not as awesomely received like in the book since it was just a bet won with the disguised Morrow in the movie, but it was kind of sentimental having Morrow be a part of it.

Daito: Daito…dear dear Daito. Again if you have not read my many spoiler warnings please make way of this one if you are not wanting any spoilers for the book or movie. One major change I noticed that differed between film and book was that of Daito. Daito, even though he was not a huge character in the book (or movie really) was a favorite. I am an Otaku after all so Daito and Shoto were beloved by me being from Japan and I wished that I could be in the Oasis and befriend them myself since they were badass Samurai! I mean Samurai! Shoto in the movie had a ninja feel to him which is just as awesome! Anyway, Daito was not supposed to live. He was brutally killed in the book. Although, I am happy to see that character not parted from the others especially not his precious adopted little brother Shoto, I feel like this was a mistake. The murder of Daito was a critical part of the book for me. I physically cried. It is not abnormal for my to cry with books and things, but I will legit say that Daito’s death was one of the top five things that made me physically ill with tears in literature. It was a moment where Wade knew he needed to get his shit together and make a plan. So he did. It helped Wade rally everyone together to go against Sorrento and IOI. It also gave video of the horrible deed when Wade investigated which ultimately caused more of Sorrento’s downfall. Most of all, this horrible deed really shows how sick, twisted and evil Sorrento in the books are. I feel like he was not that bad in the movie. Daito was a huge plot device…which I hate calling him that but has a fellow writer I know what Cline was using him as. He needed a main character to die. Daito was a tragic figure all around. I loved him all the same.

Shoto: Shoto was a character that I adored in the books and movies. His sorrow in the book was truly felt when Daito died. I think that some of the closeness that the two had was lost a bit in the movie because Shoto did not get to explain that they were not real brothers since the scene where Wade talks to him about the truth behind their relationship was never told since Daito never died. I supposed it is happier that he gets to keep his adopted Oasis brother and the young 11 year old does not need to experience a tragedy, but their relationship lacked closeness

Nolan Sorrento: Okay, this is going to sound incredibly awful but I imagined Sorrento in real life and in his avatar form to be like an Italian mob boss like guy. Is it because of the last name, probably, but I am not entirely sure you can blame me for that. I am a writer myself and I am a firm believer in picking names for your characters that truly matter. Like secret meanings and things. Maybe not so secret meanings too, like I really adored the meaning behind why Wade Watts was named that. That was not Wade’s parents or even Wade speaking through the narrative, but Cline specifically telling us that he wanted us to relate Wade to a superhero. Maybe I am going overboard…? I don’t think so though, because Wade is very much a superhero if you look at how he progresses in the novel and Sorrento is very much a classic villain similar to that of Lex Luthor. Smart, devious, ruthless, cruel, and just the right amount of evil to really piss you off. Mob boss right? Or at least superhero villain! The avatar in the movie was fantastic, but I didn’t completely by the portrayal Ben Mendelsohn put on screen. I do not think that is his fault. For two reasons actually. 1. I had this silly image in my head of what I wanted for Sorrento that was more like Godfather and I should have known better (lol) and 2. In the movie they down played Sorrento’s pure evil. He came off more desperate and pathetic to me honestly and that was portrayed nicely by Mendelsohn, but it was not supposed to be Sorrento.

Samantha/Art3mis: I loved this character in the book. She was spunky, she loved to write, sassy, rambled, filled with anxiety about herself, but also exuded beautiful confidence. She was also a writer which I also consider myself (obviously). Although, she hides behind some insecurities about the port wine birth mark she has on her face she has a radiance about her that most people can not ignore in the Oasis. She has a huge following on her Arty’s Missives blog and does not shy away from posting pictures of her avatar which Wade later finds out in the book is exactly like her real self minus the actual birth mark.

“She occasionally posted screenshots of her raven-haired avatar, and I sometimes (always) saved them to a folder on my hard drive. Her avatar had a pretty face, but it wasn’t unnaturally perfect…Big hazel eyes, rounded cheekbones, a pointy chin, and a perpetual smirk. I found her unbearably attractive…Art3mis’s frame was short and Rubeneseque. All curves.”

I love this description Wade (Cline) gives in the book. It paints a very vivid picture of who she is. I see a girl that is not afraid to be real in a world that pretends to be Elves and any other fantasy creature imaginable. I may go on a tirade her about Art3mis because there was a lot of controversy about her and Wade’s relationship (so more on that later) so bare with me. I thought that Art3mis was handled wonderfully in the books…it fell at little bit in the movie. My reasons? I am so glad you asked:

1. If you had an issue with how their relationship was in the books then you totally will in the movie. I will get more into this later, but to me the relationship was totally dumb in the movie and not real. I guess to save time they had to rush things, but honestly I just didn’t believe it. Art3mis would not be the love at first sight kind of girl…Wade would be that kind of guy. In the movie it seemed to go that route more than the books. Again I will explain more.

2. Maybe this didn’t bother other people has much as me, but what is one of the main things Wade describes about Art3mis?? Her frame is short and rubeneseque! She is all curves! She is like that in avatar form and in real life!! So why in good graces did they make her look like a weird TALL SKINNY pink bug thing in the movie?? I blame hollywood!! It is not fair! Being a woman that is short and curvey and always has been myself I find this quite offensive. I was really looking forward to who was going to play Art3mis and how they were going to do the avatar. I was thinking maybe some sort of representation would be nice for us curvy shorties. BUT NO!!! Now I am not bashing Olivia Cooke or anything but she is not exactly what I had in mind. To be fair she is not what was described either. Not in the least bit, so that is not my fault. She may be about 5 foot five inches so she is not super tall, but she is not really considered short either. Did you know that the average American woman over age 20 weighs 168.5 pounds and stands at just above 5 feet 3 inches (about 64 inches) tall? (https://www.healthline.com/health/womens-health/average-weight-for-women) Usually about 5 foot 4 inches to 5 inches. Just why would you pick some sort of weird pink bug girl over a curvy raven-haired sassy badass? I have seen fan art of what Art3mis could (SHOULD) have looked like. Missed opportunity to have some really awesome unknown radiate the screen with their brilliance. Honestly, Cooke’s portrayal wasn’t bad. She might have been a little too tall and definitely too skinny for what I imagined for the character, but the actress made sure she kept the spirit of Art3mis there. The script I am sure helped with that a bit with her acting. Just…couldn’t they have done something different than what they did with her avatar? The more I think about it the more I am annoyed with it! UGH!

FANART BY WILL MURAI --- hit it right on the mark friend!

FANART by Sunil Kainth---also fantastic

what we got instead....

whhhhyyyyyyy??????

Wade and Samantha’s Relationship

I like romance in my books. Even a little bit. I like romance in my anything cause I am a hopeless romantic. By all means it does not need to be the focus. To be honest I used to be a romance buff and all I would read would be romance novels and I would primarily watch rom/coms and dramas. BORING! Now I love watching, reading, playing, and writing just about anything. Do I prefer a hint of romance…yes…but it’s no longer necessary. Now that that is out of the way I will say that I did not feel like the relationship between these two was forced…in the books. Wade makes it quite clear that he has an uber crush on Art3mis. He says all the reasons why and it is in my opinion kind of nerdy and endearing, but I tend to like the nerdy underdog dorks.

When he meets Art3mis for the first time, he is actually really smooth and she is the rambler. I don’t see any remote sign of creep in the transaction like some of the critics say. He was actually more worried about getting out of there with the Copper key without her realizing he completed the challenge on his first try (the stinker). The whole time they talk, bond over similar interests, he lets her vent over her difficult time, and…they flirt with one another. To me it is charming. In the end they have a playful little rivalry when she finds out he lied and had the key on his first try. He gave her a helpful hint when he did not need to. Real smooth in my opinion and Samantha was totally digging him. There is and was chemistry.

Now, I will say that in the movie the interaction between them was not as charming. At least I did not feel like it was. The book gets a lot of crap for their relationship because they say Wade is stalker-ish, but Samantha gave her contact information to him. It is the same as a guy giving a girl a phone call to start a friendship. In this virtual reality world he emails her and I am certain that if she REALLY and TRULY meant she did not want to talk to another gunter or get distracted she would have blocked him and just not talked to him. I mean she was bad ass Samantha/Art3mis, she would not have done anything she did not want to. Case in point, when she felt like she couldn’t handle things she did stop talking to him after their argument at the dance in the books. Wade becomes very distraught and depressed, but who wouldn’t? Imagine meeting a slight, okay huge, online celebrity crush that you might have and then talking to them through email only for weeks. These emails start getting super deep too. You really get to know each other and then you start meeting for real. The chemistry is super strong. Then he/she takes you out on this great date and kisses you! WOW! HEAVEN right? I thought so…

Art3mis says that she led him on when she really didn’t want a relationship in the books. She brought him on dates (remember Rocky Horror Picture Show date where she kissed him) basically showing that she was just as much into their little fling as he was. Art3mis is tragic in the fact that she gets scared and anxious because of her real life appearance and things get too REAL for her in the virtual world. I honestly feel like that was the true issue there and the fact that they kind of forgot about the contest was merely second to both of them. The thing is their relationship spanned like months to a year in the book. They talked through email for like weeks before ever meeting up again. To say that there was hints of stalking or that this was not real is totally not accurate. I would like to bring up online dating, which is really big in our society now-a-days. Don’t roll your eyes if you are. I met my husband on some silly Facebook Speed Date App Game thingy and 10 years later we are still together and got married 4 years ago. Honestly, meeting people in the virtual world and falling in love with them should not be a weird concept to us in the year 2018.

In the movies I was really disappointed that they cheapened the Samantha and Wade relationship. If people who read the books hate the relationship then they would definitely hate it in the movie. I didn’t really hate it, but I just didn’t believe in it. They skipped out on the talking for weeks over email and jumped right into this story arc that she is in some sort of resistance and she kind of sucks him into it. It made it the typical adventure movie where guy meets girl, has adventure with girl, and then they become romantically involved. Notice the way I say they BECOME romantically involved but do not say they are in love or anything. Well, because I did not believe in it here. Seriously, he barely knows her in the movie version, but has this quick adventure and they think they know love. No, the Samantha and Wade in the books spent weeks getting to know each other, even though Samantha says she blocked parts she did not want to be seen she was still real and who she was. The book shows a real relationship build, end sadly, and then show the readers a sweet reunion after Wade gets the egg.

Women and the World of Nerd Culture

More things that I have read about the book have been about women being merely a trophy character and having no stance in nerd culture community. I can see arguments made for this from the movie, but not the book. Obviously, if you all haven’t gathered I really loved the book, but I felt like the movie lacked a bit here and there. This would be one of the areas. The great thing about the book is I thought they made Samantha/Art3mis a really strong character. She is a strong person as a woman and within the nerd community that she chooses to belong to. No one forced her to pick these likes or dislikes and she made her own opinions on things. She was ingrained in the community as a blogger. It shows to me that she has her own hopes and dreams that she is a writer and goes to school for creative writing. Those that say that Samantha is a paperdoll merely for Wade to waive around clearly did not read what I read because she was filled with personality of her own. It was Art3mis that found and fought through to receive the Jade key and the Second Gate not Parzival. Proving that she has strength in her own skills as a gamer and as a nerd, but I feel like she does not let this define her since she clearly does not want to win for silly reasons. She wants to win to make the world a better place. That may seem like a cookie cutter answer to some but I thought her desires to win were profound and a bit more noble than what Wade originally wanted to win for. So to bring my thoughts on this to a more conclusive and easier way to understand what am I trying to say? Women should not shy away from this book and this is why:

1. Samantha/Art3mis is a unique and beautiful person inside and out. I felt Ernest Cline tried to express this in the narrative through Wade’s feelings for her and his narration. She is not a cookie cutter Hollywood model.

Kat Dennings would have been perfect! She is 5 foot 3 inches and curvey and has that look that reminded me of Art3mis. Alright...i will let this go now

In the movie I argue that this was not so much the case. They did not follow the proper feel of what Samantha really looked like nor did they really follow what she did with her Avatar, which was essentially herself minus her port wine birth mark.

2. Art3mis thinks for herself by: leaving Wade and her relationship in the dust when things got to real, goes after the Jade Key and Second Gate and ultimately finds them and becomes Number One for awhile, and shows interests that are “nerdy” within all things, but also has a desire to write so she goes to college.

There was no mention of any of Samantha’s background, probably because they were too busy with the whole Resistance Adventure thing to really dig into her character in the movie. This was a lost opportunity because in the book as Wade learned about her we did too and it was really kind of sweet. They did show that she figured out the Shinning Scene which relates to the book where she wins the second part of the challenge. Samantha is also the one that is in the camps that Wade infiltrates in the book which irritated me on many accounts. Wade’s plan to take down IOI was great stuff and to see it that drastically changed was a bit disappointing as a fan of the book. Plus it made her a damsel in distress where in the book Wade was a badass taking down IOI from the inside. Just more proof that Hollywood screen messed with the book too much.

I get that there are some of you out there saying “well Ernest Cline helped write the screen play so he approved of it.” Yes I know that and I want to say I did not hate the film. I liked it but not as much as the book. It was so different it might as well be like comparing apples and oranges and everyone has their preference there. I prefer oranges so since I like the book better I am just going to say that the book was the orange for me. HAHA

Lastly, I want to shout out to all my lady nerds out there. I know we have it rough in a culture that is generally dominated by men. Or at least society thinks so. I used to get irritated when a new game would come out only to find out that there was no way to play it as a female character or the main character is yet again a man. Yes it is annoying and honestly I have seen franchises move away from that and start including women. Doesn’t always mean that the company is polite about it, I know, but I don’t think we should allow Gamergate to stop us from enjoying books, video games, shows, movies, etc just because of it being a male telling the story. If there is obvious signs of abuse towards women in the certain media then that media does not have the right to be considered by anyone regardless of it trying to go towards a nerdy community. Ready Player One was not abusive to women but merely a male author writing a story about a male nerd in the near future. I don’t think he meant to offend anyone or alienate anyone. He had a really awesome female main character named Helen who was a lesbian after all. There may have had some things about gender there, but Cline brought up a huge problem in society where a black woman did not feel safe in her own skin and played as a white male in the Oasis. In the movie, Aceh was kinda ambiguous with the race he might have been which was kind of disappointing because it needed a clear line to show more of Helen’s story, but we missed a lot of that. Anyway, ran off into a tangent again. What I am trying to say is, if as a female in the nerd community, you decide to only read, play, and watch things that are in the female point of view then you will loose out on so many good things. I would know because I used to be that stubborn with games. I would play only games that allowed me to be a female character, because that was what I figured was best. I was so wrong. It all started with Persona 4 Golden Edition. I love that game and I loved being my silent hero protagonist. If I stayed stuck in my ways I would never have branched out to playing action adventure games like Shadows of Mordor or RPG’s with a male lead like The Witcher. I have fun. If I didn’t branch out I would never have read Harry Potter because I was too busy reading romance novels because I wanted to connect with the heroine in the novel. This…this is not okay. I am glad I have grown out of this. As a nerd that loves all sorts of stories, I can appreciate all main characters male or female. Of course I love seeing a bad ass woman, because I want to see that reflected in me and I want it to be me. Who wouldn’t want to imagine themselves in the book or video game or on the screen? However, can’t we all just agree that a good story is just a good story? If you truly don’t like the same stories as me well then…maybe you just don’t like oranges. :)

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