#this got way longer than it shouldve been i just love to talk about things i hate i guess!

[shreddiman]

OHHH!! yall aint ready for this!

I WROTE A ONE-SHOT >:D

Care

Sebastian x M!Reader

!conext¡ the skull mines are my enemy and i wrote this based off that! this is my first real one-shot, so id love any feed back! ENJOY <3

---------------------------------------------

I woke to the white light of Harvey's Clinic. Worried murmurs were muffled from outside the room as my eyes adjusted to the blinding light.

I knew what happened, and though I was covered in bandages the only thing hurting was my ego. Shame and embarrassment suffocated me, and it only got worse when Harvey walked into the room, Maru at his side.

My face paled at that and I kept my head down as I stared at my lap. I was about to get lectured, again, and in front of her no less.

And for the record, no. I dont have a crush on her. Even her dad had assumed it, giving me the old fashion "stay away from my daughter" threat talk. I was tempted to tell the man I was gay, but when gossiping to Maru about her dads many issues, she was thankful i hadnt.

adding that to the list. . .

"Y/N! oh thank goodness you are awake, it took you longer this time round. You werent holding out on me now, were you?"

Maru gave a look as I glanced up, my silence caused a flicker of frustration across her face as she crossed her arms over her chest. My mouth formed a thin line as I looked back down at my lap.

"Hm, 'This time around'? What do you mean by that Harvey?" Her voice was sweet, but I can tell without looking there was a bitterness in her tone. All those times I bumped into Sebastian, Robin.. hell maybe even Demetrius, her father, and lied to them about my state of health? Well the cats of the bag now.

"Oh you dont know? This kids a wreck! Goes out to the mines, comes back half dead," Harvey turns to me, a stern look on his face that I catch a glimpse of as he sits down on his stool.

"Listen kiddo, I dont know what Im going to do with you. You really gotta be more careful. Let me do one last check and then Ill send you on your way, alright?" He bent down a bit to catch my eye, I reluctantly nodded and laid back to allow the doctor to do his thing.

-

It was raining, and it only dampened my mood. I was aching all over, the pain medication Harvey had give me for the time being a weight in my hand as I shoved them into my pocket.

It was still early, and with so much time in the day it felt useless to go home and rest.

The walk to the beach was short, my mind elsewhere as my body moved on basically auto pilot.

The change from wet sand to slippery wood is what caught my attention, and I nearly missed the figure standing at the end of the dock. Sebastian was there, hair damp and flat as his cloths looked darker than usual from the rain. He mustve been out there for awhile.

Thinking about it, one of the first days I had moved here, I found him sitting in nearly the same spot. He talked about how weirdly calming it was, even in the unforgiving downpour. At first, I had laughed at the thought. Being cold and alone in the rain? I couldnt see how thatd bring comfort at all.

Yet, here I was.

I hadnt even said anything, approaching his side as I sat down on the wet wood. I felt his eyes on me, but the feeling grew more intense as I suddenly felt my arm being tugged. I whipped my head toward him in surprise, seeing his concerned expression as he examined my wounds. I felt my embarrassment return.

"What the hell happened to you?" He asked, looking up from my bandages, that were starting to fall apart from the rain, and at me. I wanted to look away from his gaze, feeling shameful but the stern look he gave made me feel like a kid who had gotten caught.

"..Mines. I wasnt as careful as I shouldve been." I say, blankly. I doubt that no matter how sorry I was, he'd be off the wall upset that I had lied to him. I just didnt want anyone to worry about me, I didnt want to think about how difficult it would be to explain the concept of this stupid game I was playing with life.

He dropped my arm, a look of slight betrayal on his face. Taking a deep breath he slumped down beside me, his arms crossed over his chest. Just like his sister, heh.

There was silence for awhile, the rain filling in the gaps of unspoken words. I knew Sebastian wanted to be angry with me, maybe he felt since I was physically injured he'd spare my feelings.

"I wish you wouldve told me, how dangerous it was."

Spoke too soon.

"I know, Im sorry. Your sister gave me the dirtiest of looks when she saw me at Harvey's." I gave a weak chuckle, even with the gray sky's I had hopped to lighten the situation, if only a little.

The lack of reply made me feel uncomfortable, so I continued to ramble on,

"I didnt want people worrying over me. I know thats terrible to say, and impossible to wish for- we're humans, it's natural to worry, to"

I paused, almost as if my own words were surprising me.

"to... care."

I held my arms out in front of me, seeing the damage done beneath the bloodied bandages. The image before me getting blurry as my eyes filled with tears. I opened my mouth to speak, but I wasnt sure I trusted my voice.

"I didnt think.. people cared about me that way. Hell I, I think Im afraid of it. Of people caring. Maybe, I dont deserve it,?" I basically whispered my confession, my shame coming back to hit me 10x harder when I saw Sebastian stand.

This was it, this was the crushing reality I had been waiting for. I wouldnt shut up, and now I made him uncomfortable. Maybe I can understand why Shane prefers his drunken'd state.

All that doubt washed away as Sebastians hand came into view.

"Cmon, lets get out of the rain. Youre starting to shiver."

I was shocked, but obeyed regardless. Taking his hand he pulled me up, wrapping his arm around me to hold me close. I felt the color return to my face, he was out in the rain for as long as me, if not longer and he still radiated off heat like he was a mini heater.

It wasnt long till we reached his house and walked down to his room.

"Stay there."

He stopped me outside his door. Before I could ask why, a clean pair of cloths was presented in front of me, "Bathrooms upstairs to the left, past the kitchen. Change into those and come back when youre done."

I stared at him in disbelief. I wanted to ask so many questions, but all I could muster was a soft,

"Why?"

He stared for a moment, a soft smile stretching across his face as he placed a hand on top of my head.

"Because I care."

---------------------------------------------

aggressively exists, vibrates, kicks legs!!

SO, did you enjoy it :)? im lowkey very happy with it but ngl i barely do this good at writing so dont expect a part two 💀

(unless you ask nicely..maybe)

ANYWAY THANKS BYE LOVE YOU MWAH

[vividaway]

mini analysis on the finale

yall im not even gonna lie..........i liked the season 5 finale. the concept that these are teenagers who have been beaten and worn down to a crisp to the point of multiple mental breakdowns from both marinette and adrien.........like of course marinette didn’t tell adrien. she’s a literal child, and she loves him, and honestly? its really not her PLACE to tell him. emilie knows about gabriels involvement with the miraculous. nathalie knows about EVERYTHING. there are multiple ADULTS who can step in and talk to him about this, and they chose not to. multiple people have said it: of COURSE adrien deserve to know, and i will be very upset if they never write in him finding out. but it also seems excessively cruel to do that to adrien. as far as adrien is aware, his dad was trying. he thinks his dad is a man chiseled away by depression and grief, who turned towards his works to cope with the loss. he believes there was a turning point where his father started to try. he allowed him to go to school, to make new friends and go to their house, allowed him to quit, started to show up to school events, and finally started to show him affection. adrien is none the wiser on WHY, and it feels extremely cruel to take away what little happy moments he had left with his father. what is the bare minimum to us, is literally EVERYTHING to adrien, and to me, that does mean something. to me, seeing gabriel sacrifice himself for adrien and his wife-- means EVERYTHING. it is what differentiates an evil, unrecoverable person, from a dynamic character who was never meant to be a good person. we were never meant to like gabriel. he’s the villain! but that doesn’t mean we aren’t supposed to be sympathetic to certain aspects of his journey.  i really do think his character was written well. gabriel is a bad, unredeemable man, who did one good action. i personally can’t look at gabriel from season one and say, “he shouldve sacrificed his life in place of his wives life sooner”, it feels wrong. gabriel from season 1 was EXTREMELY different from gabriel from season 5. we see him change (for the worse) over the course of five seasons. 

and the thing about how gabriel is written is like, its realistic. gabriel isnt just a cartoon villain from some kids show, he show’s patterns of real life villains as well. the manipulation, the lying, the guilt tripping, the abuse-- all of it. and thats why, i understand why some people are pissed he got redeemed. but for me, i see the build up. lila has the photographs from gabriels house, and she knews he was monarch. on top of this, it seems like she’s the successor to the butterfly miraculous. people know what he did, and its not just the people on the good side. i don’t see gabriel staying a sympathetic figure for much longer. but all this being said, i dont think it was the worst. the pacing was great, and the animation was top tier for me. theres so many episodes where i can predict whats going to happen next, but i couldn’t with this one. some thing about it just felt....special. like if you showed alyssa from 2016 the finale, i could literally die. no need to show a peasant child, just showing Season One Era fans what happened and how it looks and we’d just. die. everything about it 10x better than we couldve imagined. the writing, the animation, the pacing, the score, the dialogue, the way the world has expanded and been built up and how often we’re interacting with “background characters”.  for once, it felt like i was watching a real show, with a plot that made sense, and wasnt a dumpster fire. but...from reading the #MLBS5Spoilers tag....yall do NOT agree with my sentiments! and thats okay! 

[allgoldenelite]

Talk Jay white to me :)

i'm gonna put julia hart in here too since you asked about her as well.

jay: have loved him ever since his debut. i thought he was a bit rough around the edges when he first got thrown into all these high profile matchups, but thats only natural lol he was literally a child. i think lots of ppl perked up tho after him vs kenny in sapporo. i was a bit disappointed they didnt do more with the history between him and hanger, kenny and ibushi for wembley but there was a lot of negative stuff going on at the time so w/e.

i love him a lot but id have to say that i have cooled down on him a bit cause im not watching aew rn and there really isnt any other way to perceive him, sadly. i know the gang gang scissor ass bang or whatever is immensely popular and i did like some of the stuff i was sent by friends but i gotta say im a little bit over it just by consuming from afar lol so next i would love for him to get into a grimy nasty t i g h t feud with someone swerve someone and really bring back the rat (like during the time he was chasing after ibushi like he wanted him to [redacted] him sm that [redacted])

hes still for some reason kinda an underrated wrestler who does lots of small things in the ring i appreciate but that dont necessarily stand out so ppl dont really pick up on it a lot. hes not very flashy, i suppose (in the in-ring sense; hes very loud otherwise lol). i think he really stepped up like kenny said and grew into his own, and thats not as easy to do as ppl sometimes say it is. i hold a lot of his matches in high regard, especially him vs ibushi g1 finals, that match is immortal to me and one of my fav matches of all time, ever.

julia: i was extremely meh on her when she started out, the cheerleading stuff just didnt appeal to me even if i can agree that its athletically impressive. whoever trained her tho did a really good job, there are a lot of areas that you can tell she really did her homework in and improved a lot. i think joining hob was the best thing that could ever have happened to her. i said this before somewhere else but i absolutely do NOT get what anyone (tk cough) was smoking to say she shouldve stayed with the varsity blondes, that wouldve been the death of her character 💀 i love her father daughter relationship with the hob guys out of kayfabe and in kayfabe she has some of the coolest gear and entrances.

i really liked her match against kris for the title and i wish it couldve been a little bit longer but i still felt they did everything in their power to get over in those 8? 9? minutes. julias turnbuckle jumpscare is probably my favorite thing about her.

other than that i sadly dont have much of an opinion on her bc, again, i dont watch aew, so if shes done something cool lately sorry folks 🤷 (i did see her gay entrance with skye? iirc, so that was 👌)

[snaileo]

gonna write this post to reflect upon things before the year ends - it will be long

i dont know how to start this - or how to even express my thoughts. but this year was hard - very hard and i wish i could remember what i was doing last year. last new years eve, but i cant remember. i wish i could tell my past self, that in a few days time, you would learn that your mom's cancer came back and then 8 months after that, on the dot, she'd pass away. obviously i cant. this last month has been especially hard, not that i was excited for christmas anyway, but it was my first one without her. one thing id do every year is check everyday for xmas music to come on the radio, which i did excitedly??? this year, and on nov 10th, it started and my excitement was cut abruptly when i realized i was alone in the apartment, without her to exclaim it too. it hit me all over again. its so hard to go into her room even though i have too bc the washer and dryer are in that particular closet, and it still feels like shes there. its eerie. its hard for me to associate this absence of her with being gone because this is just what her room looked like when she kept having week long hospital stays every month since may - so it was no different right? but i gotta keep telling myself that it is, that shes not coming home. Well she *is* home but not how I knew her.

both my dad and i felt this time was different, long before the complications began. i remember having that conversation with him, anxiety gripping every part of my being, something just felt different about all this - and it wasnt until months later that our fears would be confirmed. one of the things i struggle with most is guilt. feeling like i couldve done more, that i shouldve done more, that i was her caretaker and she died - i feel like i let her down, i feel like maybe if i had done this or that, it would be different, that she would still be here. i try to tell myself i did all i could but its difficult. i simply feel like i failed. i failed her. she deserved better than what she got -

she had seemed so invincible to me, with all that she had survived in her life, the way she carried herself with each thing she overcame - but in that final week, the one she spent in the ICU till she passed - i saw her slowly break down, her body slowly give in - i was really hoping she would Bounce Back, like she always did, so many close calls in her life, but she always came back - i was anticipating the next week when she would be out of the ICU, back at the apartment, talking about how she survived yet again -- but that didnt happen.

i completely broke after her passing, and had a solid month of feeling, disassociated from myself - deep within an existential crisis and grief - really truly grappling with what death is - and it took a while to realign myself. im still not okay - but im better than i was then. im still very lonely. the amount i spoke to my mom, daily, was something i never even realized until after she passed. i cant talk to my dad the way i talked to her - she had a near photographic memory and could recount stories and tell them in such an engaging way that i hate that i do not have a single fucking recording of her telling any story. that i no longer will hear her recount her life to me, tell me as if it happened yesterday.

im finding new things everyday that i didnt even realize i'll miss.

she believed in an afterlife, in spirits and heaven, and i hope, for the sake of the terrible hand she was dealt, that there is an afterlife, that she gets the happiness and peace she deserved. i found a lot of comfort in reading people's stories about seeing deceased loved ones in dreams, ones that feel like a visit, whether or not theyre truly a visit or just what the heart needed - it was comforting. one thing i didnt foresee was how painful the dreams she appears in would be. how painful to see her or hear her, or just knowing shes there - and then i wake up. reality hits. one odd thing to note is the first time i had dreamt about her after her passing, i wasnt allowed to look at her, i knew she was there, somewhat in my peripheral but there was a voice telling me "do not look at her, dont look at her" it was a strange feeling, it was so vivid. most of my dreams now that consist of her are typical dreams, tho a portion of them have me baffled that shes even there and i try to ask her How??? i thought you were dead, and she would come up with some excuse or some way how she survived. its a strange feeling. dreams are strange.

realizing this is getting too long. if you stuck with reading this whole post thank you i guess. this was meant for me to vent and reflect. especially since my mom was born in the year of the dragon, and 2024 will be the year of the dragon.i dont know how to end this post.

[krystaldeath]

Hmm…how about the Traffic Light Trio having a sleep over? Like, what would they do, who’s house would they stay in and how would the parents feel about it (depending on where they are of course)?

I’m gonna assume this was meant for my BBU au and if it wasn’t I hope you don’t mind I’m going with that (Also this got… way longer than it shouldve so I’m gonna put it under a read more)

I imagine Mei and Red had sleepovers with just the two of them growing up, usually at Red’s place bc Mei’s parents didn’t want two children running around their priceless artifacts and such. When MK joins its especially not happening at Mei’s place, and since I don’t think MK, Pigsy & Tang have a very big living space (probably an apartment that just barely fits the three of them), they’d probably still be at Red’s.

Mei’s parents don’t exactly care much about what happens since they’re not gonna be there, but they do give Mei tons of rules and give her lectures on how to act when she’s staying over at a non-family members house (which she only half listens to).

PIF, while a bit wary of Mei (her great xhowever many times it’s takes to be correct grandfather was friends to the guy who imprisoned her husband, and while that’s a rather remote connection, still stings a bit) at first, and then MK later on, the two grow on her and so she’s happy to host them. It also gives her the opportunity to tell embarrassing baby stories about Red to his two closest friends!

Pigsy is always nervous about letting his boy be out of his sight and being unable to immediately check on him, but Tang soothes his worries. Their son may be a tad but reckless at times, but he can handle himself! He’s got two dependable friends with him as well! And that mom of Red’s would never let any harm come to any children in her presence (supposedly) so there’s really nothing to worry about! (MK doesn’t get to have any sleepovers for a while after the day he came home with a choppy new haircut courtesy of Mei, and then Red who insisted they could fix it/make it better)

As for what they’d do, probably play a ton of video games! MK would want to watch Monkey Cop and other such Monkey King franchises, but since they normally have sleepovers at Red’s… yeah that’s not happening. It’s okay though they just watch a Power Rangers-like show (that ends up having a arc based off of JTTW that they almost break the tv trying to hide from PIF; she knows and feels conflicted about it, though if she leaves the room quickly so the kids can fully enjoy themselves, no one would have to know).

Bonus: When they get closer to Bai He they have her join them too (which terrifies her monkey dads bc 1. She’s only ever been out of their reach for 9 hours tops before and 2. It’s gonna be at PIF’s place and she is BOUND to figure something out). When Wukong (Macaque had to do something idk maybe he has a job) comes by in a human disguise to pick her up the next morning, PIF gives him a knowing look, then tells the teens to watch the girl as she has a “private talk” with him and has him walk with her through the house. He’s terrified she’s gonna try and fight him and that it’ll somehow get the kids caught up in the crossfire and that he’ll have to reveal he’s the Monkey King and have Bai He never interact with any of them again, but instead the unthinkable happens. She tells him she doesn’t hate him, not anymore. She figured it was the right thing to do, DBK was terrorizing citizens and he is expected to protect mankind; it also couldn’t have been an easy decision for him, considering he and her husband once considered each other brothers. Plus, holding a grudge for centuries can be rather exhausting when you’re a single mother. So, until she finds some way to free her love, they will have a truce. ———— Help the “Bonus” is longer than the actual answers so sorry lol

[newvegascowboy]

don’t trope me into this

tagged by @royedsasoei. Thanks! this turned into a very long list of my Opinions, so sorry about that. 

Rules: Bold whichever trope you like the most (or hate the least if you’re not a huge fan of either) of the following pairs: 

Slow burn or Love at first sight? 

love at first sight just feels so disney to me. the idea is romantic but is a little too cheesy to me. I like the idea of two people developing a relationship over time. 

Fake dating or secret dating?

i love the drama too much not to say secret dating! the reveal is always so fun and i love seeing other characters slowly cue in. 

Enemies to lovers or best friends to lovers or enemies to friends to lovers? 

again. i love drama too much not to pick this one. 

Oh no there’s only one bed or long distance correspondence?

I’ll be real with you, this is one of my favorite tropes. I think epistolary fics are super interesting anyway. They just have such a unique tone and sense of story telling. Plus, the longing. 

hurt/comfort or amnesia?

ok i mean, both are good, but amnesia fics are a favorite of mind. There’s something about watching someone mourn the death of their friend or lover, even though their friend is still alive and just doesn’t remember them. it gets me. 

Fantasy au or modern au? 

i don’t really like aus that much anyway, but if I read them I usually go for modern aus, just because fantasy is kind of hit or miss for me. 

mutual pining or domestic bliss? 

mutual pining goes along well with slow burn. sometimes it can be frustrating as hell knowing all problems could be solved if two assholes just talked to each other, but there’s also something relatable about just watching from afar. 

smut or fluff?

ok i mean, why not both, first of all. there has to be a good balance between the two imo, because too much fluff can get boring but i’ve also never been a fan of pwp. if they’re going to fuck, at least make it plot relevant. 

canon-compliant or fix-it?

i have read too many bagginshield and reddie fix its for me to not pick this one. For all my talk about not liking aus, canon compliant just hurts too much sometimes, and usually not in a good way. Also, my faves tend to get murdered and i liked to pretend i live in a world where they aren’t dead in a ditch, so im going to have to go with fix-it on this one. 

Reincarnation or character death?

just finished talking about how canon compliant sucks and here i am picking character death, but it’s only because i really don’t like reincarnation aus. i find that character death is a fun foray into super angsty one shots or short chapter fics, but if the story itself is centered around one person dying, then it gets a little drawn out and boring after a while. 

one-shot or multi-chapter?

just fuck me up fam if im not up unreasonably late clicking ‘next chapter’ then whats the Point 

kid fic or road trip?

im a slut for roadtrip fics and i can never find enough of them! i dont know if its the combination of confined spaces, pining, American gothic, or just the specific feel i get from road trip fics, but i love them. Also kid fics have to be written really well for me not to cringe through them and often times that’s not the case loll. 

sci-fi au or magic au?

oh man i love sci fi. I love it so much. I love robots and space and all that shit. both are valid and i love them, but again, it’s all about something to do with the overall feel of the story. I grew up playing Mass Effect and i have a permanent love for that type of sci fi. 

also i love aliens.

Arranged marriage or accidental marriage?

accidental marriage is so stupid and i love it. i always get a kick out of characters having their “oh shit we’re MARRIED?” moment. 

Time travel or isolated together?

perfect opportunity to hash out all your grievances and then bang it out, i guess. VERY classically trope-y in my opinion. 

High school romance or middle-aged romance?

im gay i can’t relate to high school romance, that’s for the hets. 

but in all honesty i like middle aged romance because i often find it in queer fanfiction, and something about two middle aged queer people finally figuring out their lives and realizing they can still find love just fuckin gets me. just a fan of the message that it isn’t too late. 

body swap or genderbend? 

fuckin sophie’s choice over here. I dont particularly like either of these. Genderbend is a little too uncomfortable for me and body swap strays dangerously into the territory of crack, but its the least objectionable. 

Angst or crack?

I get such visceral second hand embarrassment from crack fics. I don’t know how anyone can read them. I see the word crack and i sink into my shame. there’s a difference between humor and crack, and being on f*nfiction.net in 2014 ruined it for me. it was funny when i was fourteen. not so much anymore. 

Apocalyptic or mundane? 

my whole aesthetic is fallout and apocalyptic so OFC i have to go with this one. Something about the atmosphere really gets me. I think I make fallout aus for...probably every fandom i’ve ever been in? I think it presents a unique opportunity to tell a story about how humanity is scattered, but ultimately, we’re in it together, and it’s also a fun challenge to think about how the world has changed and how it works now that civilization is gone. Can’t help but think Mad Max and how fun everything about it is. Apocalypse AUs are always on the table for me. 

(tbh i’ve been thinking about a fallout/tua crossover for actual months and i have no idea how to pull it off, but that’s where my mind is) 

tagging @marvilus73 and anyone else if they want to do this! 

[kraviolis]

the amount of gender essentialism in harry potter is fucking sickening and makes me wonder if jkr ever actually “became” a terf because of internet brainrot or if shes been one all along and just hid it

because i’ve talked about how she treats the women characters— all of them having to fit into the role of lover, mother, and/or pure & innocent or else they’ll be ignored/vilified (and how tonks almost nearly broke off from this before being promptly married off, given a child, and then killed within a single book)— but it’s even worse than that.

there was the unicorn scene, in book 3 i think, where it really established that girls are just inherently more pure and innocent than boys and thus were allowed to pet the unicorn while the boys werent. there’s the fact that the girls’ dormitory stairs dont let boys go up but the girls can go into the boys’ dormitory all they want. also the entire thing with the veelas that just reeked of misogyny, gender essentialism, and homophobia.

the entire yule ball arc felt really gross, too. like it couldve been fine, couldve been normal YA male protags being awkward around girls they like, but the way it was arranged was so bad. really exaggerated the separation of genders and put a lot of emphasis on “girls are inherently pretty & more mature, boys are inherently stupid & insensitive” yknow?

the way snape was excused for 7 years of abuse and bullying towards neville and harry just because he had been in love with a woman was utter bullshit— because if we’re going by that metric, why wasnt petunia excused? she literally took harry in and raised him because she obviously still loved lily deep down even if she’d become estranged and lashed out because she was hurting inside. she’d abused and bullied and neglected harry just as much as snape did, but she also willingly kept him protected and safe just like snape, so why wasnt she excused just because she still loved lily?

for the record, i dont think either of them shouldve been excused or redeemed or made out to be heroes. i just think the double standard is horrible. its literally so obvious why petunia was so vilified— it was just because she wasnt available as a mother, a lover, or an innocent to be protected for any of the male protags. she was only given more sympathy in the end when dudley shifted roles from an antagonist to a neutral party for harry, but she was then promptly fridged as she was no longer completely vilified but still not available as a mother figure to harry.

neville was the joke character for being anxious and weak up until he started getting angrier and stronger around the 5th book. millicent bulstrode was a character that was made fun of purely because she was written as fat & dumb. cho chang was considered to be nice & smart & pretty by harry up until she got offended by something harry did and then suddenly she was completely ignored. lavender brown was made into a bad person for being like, not even mean to anyone she just wasnt nice all the time and the whole time it was being conveyed that ron was making a huge mistake for going out with her just because she wasnt nice, sometimes.

hagrid wasnt fully stereotypically masculine— he cried and showed joy and baked and owned a pink umbrella and had a soft spot for animals but he was hardly ever taken seriously. he was made into a joke sometimes even by harry, or he was looked down on like he was a child doing something silly. he usually was only taken seriously as a character when he was angry or showing off his strength.

its that gender essentialism— girls HAVE to be nice and pretty, boys HAVE to be emotionally inept and strong. all the girls that arent nice and pretty are made fun of or vilified or completely ignored, and all of the boys who arent emotionally inept and strong arent taken seriously or are developed to become like that.

[artreider]

Let's try to get this final live blog on my station 19 rewatch done. I'm currently laid up on my couch in mild pain but unable to do anything else.

I don't really like flashback episodes but i want one for the premiere since we are jumping so far ahead. I hate that this episode starts with a fight. But damn knowing what the fight is over, i love how loyal andy is to maya in this episode. Something ive wanted for her and the team. Qnd also jaina looks gorgeous.

The fire scene yay another fire on the fire show lmao. Feel like we missed some last year which im sure was covid related.

The marina scene ugh chefs kiss. I love how happy and giddy they are. I do wish we couldve gotten to see some of their month apart communication and their quarantining apart those two weeks when carina got back. I wrote a little something related to that and i may share before the premiere of season 5.

The quiet moment between carina saying her morning was better than those 6 weeks and then asking about mayas folks was a beautiful and real moment and i love it. So brief it could be overlooked but great choice for team.

The little bit of danielle and stefania that was them and adlibbed in this episode was so great also.

I love that rhey addressed how everyone was able to attend maskless and how safe the wedding was keeping the real world element in. Also vic love you and your chicken dance comment makes me sad that we didnt get it.

Vics parents trying to talk to her about theo is so cute.

Poor lawyer she'd be good for dean.

I understand some people dont come out until late in life but that is hard to hear that you havent loved the person youve been with for decades like you do this new person. That would hurt me so much to hear, like i couldve been with someone who is my great love if youd told me sooner. I love/hate this storyline for travis family.

Ugh if this fire had gone on any longer those poor kids and elderly couple.

Haha andy you should wait until someone answers the door for you when visiting almost newlyweds or people who've been seperated for 6 weeks lmao.

Also maya's excuse and none wet (shower) sex hair i love it.

Ugh sullivan trying to defend himself makes me so upset.

Bailey giving ben hell about second and third opinions is funny, like i figure shed be all for it.

Inara and marcus leaving jack is sad. I hope we still get to see marsha in season 5. Also if they do pair jack and jo itd be a bit ironic. I mean jo too had an abusive ex like inara.

Also jack and his marsha have similar eyes, itd be something if it came out she really was his mom.

I dont understand how maya hadnt settled on what to wear she's queen of the clipboard lmao. Just goes to show how some things throw us off course. Also i totally get her saying her outfit choice will define her forever. I judge my look in my wedding photos all the time and feel like other people do as well.

Why do i feel like this exchange between maya and carina was mostly adlibbed? It just feels so fun.

This poor family and ugh i couldnt imagine having to make the tough calls of firefighters/fire captains.

Love that all the fire crew helped put the wedding on.

I understand travis emotion here.

How'd this conversation about maya's folks get started with andy???

I love that maya and andy's friendship is restored. Also famous last words maya, dont speak the bad juju into existence.

Dean you shouldve spoken up there.

Why the chief there? I live in a city and the chief aint showing up for a house call that needs a few units. At least not until fire is out of they for some reason cant get it out.

Lmao maya freaking out about wearing the same thing as carina. Andy therapizing maya is funny.

That poor boy.

The dad comments to ben are beautiful. Also love that so many of the team know how dean feels about vic.

So why is travis getting dressed separately than the rest of his team. I mean i know its because he doesnt know about Dean's feelings and pushes vic to give theo a chance as well as allow theo and travis to talk but come on. He wouldnt get ready separately.

Also what was the point of theo going to that room if not to get ready. Sorry just annoying.

I wish carina had had someone mention andrew to her. Whether ben, bailey, maya or even any of the fire team who worked on the call with him during the crossover awhile back. Her grief during this day of happiness should've been acknowledged, even with just a remembrance table for him amd other family she lost to covid.

I do love this beautiful moment with vic though saying this isnt all just for maya.

Oh my how i love the maya confronting her father. She is the brave i want to be. Also what she says to her mom, yes chefs kiss. However when her mom shows up at the wedding, really the woman couldnt grab a nice shirt or dress to wear on her way out or on her way to the wedding.

I also love the look of pride on maya's moms face both at the house and the wedding.

Im sad we probably wont get any moments of her living with marina due to the time jump.

Ugh the choice that cost maya her promotion but ahouldnt have.

Also with all maya's options for clothes, couldnt they had dressed her mama in something borrowed from maya. Lol im sorry it bothers me so.

Vic's song for the intro is beautiful. Barrett has a beautiful voice.

Maya is so happy her mom is there and i love it. Also in my head at least one person videoing is doing it for the greys family who couldnt make it to the wedding for carina.

I also love maya singing along with vic to carina.

Queen of the clipboard forgetting to write her vows is special and funny. I love carina talking her down from a panic attack. Also her simple vow is beautiful and how carina who probably did write her vows saying we're good instead of reading them after seeing maya's mom in attendance and the look shared is everything.

I truly believe that was the moment she 100% knew maya had changed from end of season 3, was definitely all the way in. She knew what it meant for maya's mom to be there.

Love the dance montage and improved marina kiss.

Another healing theo and travis talk.

Sullivan just cant let it go and ugh trying to justify it. I just cant, still not over it. Even if he isnt captain in season 5 it still isnt right.

Sullivan you cant say you have the teams back then saying you can control them and throwing maya under the bus. Those are contradictory.

This jack and andy conversation is interesting.

This marina conversation is funny but sad when you know the end of the episode.

Its so funny that so few people know about Miller's feelings at this point.

It'll be interesting to see the travis, vic and theo in season 5.

Ben and bailey are so cute.

Wish we couldve had conversations at the wedding with maya and her mom or carina and maya's mom or the 3 of them.

Inara is so wise. I hate this for all 4 of them.

Gotta love the ole grab em and pull em back to kiss them and let them know how you really feel tremmett moment.

Too late dean, they tried to tell you.

I love marina dancing in the background ugh sullivan and the surrera rehashing.

Time for the horrible news ugh.

Everyone just looking at marina and knowing is horrible.

Great season, great episode and im looking forward to whats next.

Thank you to everyone thats been following my rewatch blogging, and for all the kind comments. I appreciate it so much, made the summer so fun.

[banchieplaysminecraft]

How Aaron could’ve been a good character and why he wasn’t

I’ve been annoyed at this for a good long while and i’ve finally gotten around to talk about it so here we gooo

please note that, though i watched all of mcd s2 while it was coming out, i haven’t rewatched it all the way through (i’m a little less than halfway through s2) so bear with me

now, we can all agree that we didn’t really have a lot of beef with aaron in s1. was it annoying that aph was keeping secrets?  yes. did we actively enjoy the fact that this random edgelord showed up with all of this convenient information? sure. but did we actively dislike him? i don’t think so

im sure that some people did, but it was a far cry from the universal grudge that we as a fandom hold. the only question is, what changed?

the answer is pretty simple: he got annoying

there is no greater sin that a content creator can commit than to make a character tedious--especially a character that the fans are meant to root for. i once heard someone say that there is no such thing as a good character and a bad character, there are only interesting characters or boring characters

now, before the s1 finale, aaron wasn’t annoying because he made sense. we didn’t know a lot about his backstory, but we knew just enough to not have a lot of questions while also understanding why he as a character worked. he spied on zane, he got information, and he got away with it because, according to every government in existence, he was dead. he was doing it to avenge his village, which seemed to be his reason for doing most things.

 that was basically it, because that was all that we needed. he didn’t answer personal questions because that could reveal his identity, and he didn’t hang around phoenix drop proper because he knew that there was a spy in the village who might figure him out. all in all, he was a very logical character

what changed? his motivation

after the gang sealed zane in the irene dimension, may i ask WHAt the fuck was his reason for staying??? nothing! what was his reason for keeping his identity a secret? pretty much nothing! it made no sense!!

according to all of his characterization as a *~lone wolf~*, it would make the most sense for him to strike out on his own and do whatever the fuck, maybe occasionally popping back in to warn the main characters of some impending doom, maybe hold a giant fuckass sword to someone’s throat again, maybe find some other tyrant to destroy.

but he didn’t, and it made no sense

this was made exponentially worse because he was an ~edgy dark angsty boy with a sad past and a dead wife~ and because he seemed to be able to do no wrong. he rarely, if ever, communicated with the rest of the group, and he often just went out on his own--and yet, most people seemed to trust him unconditionally?? he always seems to show up at the right place and the right time with little to no explanation as to how, and no one ever questions it. sure, laurance and dante had some doubts and even spoke up once or twice, but laurance’s grievances are mostly due to being in love with aph, and literally no one else ever asked anything, despite not even knowing his fucking name

and, of course, everyone thinks that he’s super hot and aphmau falls in love with him and then he dies a tragic death in a moment of self-sacrifice that really wasn’t all that heroic because he left his wife and child behind

i mean, come on

THAT BEING SAID he had soooo muuch potentiaalllllll

LET ME EXPLAIN

during s1, his role in the story was the spy--and he was very good at it, because everyone thought that he was dead!! how are you gonna blame a dead man for anything without sounding crazy! no one knew his name or his face or anything--and they should’ve kept it that way because, surprise!! theyre still at war in s2. sure, it’s a different war, but it’s still! a fucking! war! and like 70% of war is ESPIONAGE and INFORMATION and STRATEGY, havent you ever heard the phrase KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTLE??? they literally had possibly the best spy that they knew of and instead of actually putting his skills to work he just dramatically leans on trees and sits in the shadows??? WHAT

he clearly had ways to get into high places, since he had somehow gotten his hands on the amulet in s1, and he used to be a lord so he would’ve known things about POLITICS and KINGDOM STUFF--i mean, we all know that aphmau knows jack shit about this world and how it works.

what SHOULDVE HAPPENED IS:

after they all get back to the overworld, he leaves the party. idc if it’s immediately after or if he waits a few days, but he leaves regardless. every once in awhile, we hear of him popping up in various places, and we run into him a few times. he informs the gang of what he’s heard, maybe tags along on some missions. he still shows up in random places the way that he does in canon, but since he’s not based it phoenix drop i think that it makes a bit more sense, and he occasionally pops back into phoenix drop whenever he’s in the area or needs time to rest and recharge, and stays an informant for aphmau & her crew. as things pick up, he slowly becomes a more commonly-seen member of aphmau’s inner circle. 

throughout this whole period, he finally starts to come to terms with the death of his wife & their village, and he slowly starts to share more with the group--nothing big, just details here and there--and he actually starts to develop *gasp* a personality. i’d like to imagine that he gets closer with laurance, dante, and katelyn instead of only ever talking to aphmau. i don’t think that he’s ever super talkative, but he starts to be a little less quiet & closed off. 

at this point, he’s either told them his name or (preferred) they all have a list of nicknames that they cycle through to address him. sooner or later he starts to help with the building of phoenix drop and the alliance, taking on duties that are more akin to his old role as lord. he either phases the espionage out of his schedule or ghostwrites all of the legislation, and falls more easily into his new roles

i don’t really care if he ever ends up with aphmau or not, but if he does then that also happens at some point or another, but i, at least, would no longer be angry at that outcome

However, this whole plot would require everyone in the story to take literally all of their roles in this literal government that they’re building seriously, and we all know that that’s never going to happen, but i can dream /s

Tl;dr, if aaron actually used his strengths and skills to be a useful member of this alliance instead of randomly showin up and dramatically hitting things with his giant fuckoff sword, he’d be so much more tolerable

[khaleesiofalicante]

me, nodding of to sleep: IM HERE IM HERE

did my head just loll to the side? you will never know. first of all this chapter was the most beautiful thing i have ever read. Mavid have my HEART. It's also 4 16 am so im sorry if the reactions are a little bland but this was PERFECT.

me, throughout the whole thing: mavid mavid mavid

They had kissed for the first time almost a week ago. And they had kissed again. A couple of times.

Okay fine, they had kissed a lot since then.

Not a lot a lot. But a lot.

Wait a minute. How much kissing was a lot of kissing?

this is adorable

“I heard he cried when he found out Lexi and Liv were dating,” David chuckled.

yup that's jace

“We have to pay to talk on the phone?” Max asked incredulously. “I thought it was free.”

“Of course it isn’t free, Max!” David chuckled. “We have to pay for WiFi too.”

“This is ridiculous!” Max said. “Next you will say we have to pay for electricity.”

“Um, we do have to pay for electricity,” David chuckled again.

we pay for water too

but max you didnt know-

“Don’t let them guilt trip you!” Max had chastised. “They like doing chores. Let them do it. They fight demons all day and then come home and do chores. I feel like it’s their form of therapy. They need this.”

cant relate nope

“I don’t know,” Max groaned. “My family is so dramatic.”

the lightwood-banes in one sentence

THERE ARE SO MANY FEELS MY HEART CANNOT CONTAIN

“Well, too late!” Max announced. “This date is going to be the best first date in the history of first of dates.”

In retrospect, he really shouldn’t have said that.

nah its gonna be great

“Perhaps you should just take him to the New York Library. They have, uh, books.”

yes that is what they keep in libraries

OH MY GOD THE FRIEND IS ELYASS

HERE'S MY FAVORITE DEMON Y'ALL

His parents would not be pleased if they knew Max was summoning demons for relationship advice.

But they had also encouraged Max to make friends with everyone regardless of their identity. So, technically this was their fault. They gave him very mixed messages.

well-

you know i really shouldnt have laughed at the demon attack news but for some reason i did

i blame my sleep deprivation

shit i feel sick

you know maybe i shouldve just waited till the morning...

ok but the demon attack is NOT coincidental

there is something going on

“I thought dragon demons were extinct!” Max yelled over the commotion.

well-

ANJALI

“Man, fuck the orders!” Max said in frustration.

if you get hurt ill kill you

oh it's not her

well fuck

“That was an Armani, you piece of shit!” Rafael yelled at the demon. Max almost laughed.

THE AUDACITY

It really did. Dragon demons smelled like they lived inside a boys locker room.

well that's nice to know

FUCK THEY ARE TALKING NOW???

ok what is going on

“Say the thing!!!”

“I’m not saying the damn thing, you maniac!”

“Say the thing!”

Rafael groaned and raised his hands, the alliance rune lighting up.

“I’m not just a shadowhunter,” Rafael said through gritted teeth. “I’m Magnus Bane’s son.”

LMAO THEM

“Well, demons are stupid,” Max pointed out.

“Yeah, that makes sense,” Rafael said with a mouthful of food. “You are half demon after all.”

Im so sleepy i cant even react to this

but THEM I CANT-

WHERE.IS.ALEC

Max wanted to laugh. Only David would worry about another person while being injured in the infirmary.

MUST BE PROTECTED

Max nodded; his throat still dry. He couldn’t stop staring at David. At the wound. At the blood.

Also, maybe the naked chest.

AHEM

OH MY GOD JAIME IS ALIVE

we're getting lightwood-bane fluff LET ME CRY

alec...

on one hand alec smoking is fucking hot BUT WITH THE MUNDANE DISEASES OH HELL NAH

“But it tastes so good when it’s from your plate!” Max said with a mouth full of food.

“Oh, you want my food? Here!” Rafael grinned and threw a piece of chicken at his face.

Max caught it with his mouth cause wasting food was a crime. “Thanks, bro!”

“You little s-”

HE CAUGHT IT IN HIS MOUTH

“And no fighting over chicken!” Bapak pointed out. “We can always summon some more.”

“Order,” dad corrected. “We don’t summon. We order. And then we pay.”

“How do we destroy capitalism if we have to pay for everything?” Max asked.

Max has a point y'know

“That’s rich coming from someone who is wearing an Armani jacket,” Max stuck out his tongue.

“It was a gift!” Rafael said, furiously chewing on his chicken.

“Does that mean Bapak is a capitalist?” Max asked.

LMAO

Max: What even-

Max: Can shadowhunters get high on iratzes lol

CAN THEY???

David: Mr Herondale yelled “Yes! Two out of three!”

MOOD

PLEASE RAFAEL AND MAGNUS ARE LIKE "About time"

SAME THOUGH

“David is what you get if Dad and Uncle Jace and Uncle Jem had a baby.”

STOP NO

“Oh,” Max said. “Uh, David and I…We are dating.”

Dad choked on his coffee. “Excuse me?”

Bapak chuckled next to him. “Of course you didn’t know.”

“You two are dating?” dad demanded. “Since when? Who else knows about this? Why didn’t you tell us before? Were you dating when you were in London? Magnus, did you know about this?”

“There you go!” Max yelled triumphantly. “That’s the dramatic reaction I was looking for. Thanks, dad!”

There's alec. Yup

OH MY GOD NOT THE SEX TALK

good thing i had wattpad I MEAN-

“Kissing?” dad gaped. “On the mouth???”

“Um, where else would we kiss?” Max asked incredulously.

“Well, actually,” Bapa cleared his throat. “There are many ways you can enjoy-”

IM CACKLING

And that’s how the next hour turned out to be the most painful and most embarrassing hour of his life.

Max decided he would rather get attacked by a hoard of dragon demons than sit through it any longer

“You guys know we have something called the internet, right?” Max demanded.

“Well, the internet can have mixed messages,” Bapak sniffed. “We on the other hand have real life experien-”

“Magnus!” dad looked red in the face.

“Fine,” Bapak sighed. “Now moving on to the importance of lubrication and-”

“I’m begging you to stop,” Max groaned.

THE NOISES WHICH LEFT MY MOUTH ARE NOT OK TO BE MAKING AT 3 30 AM

“I’ll have you know this conversation utterly traumatized me. I demand financial compensation.”

HE'S SO DRAMATIC

“Well,” dad said carefully. “David is…”

“French?” Max asked.

i blame my sleep deprived ass for laughing at this

next thing i know someone's being tortured and im laughing because i dont have sleep in my system

Max honey...

listen to him

i for one, dont want a repeat of pg 511 cols

oh he's finding out about the incident

that's what i call it

Max thought of all the stories he had heard then. The one of the warlock who killed people who he could bring back his dead girlfriend. The one about a nephilim mother who paired up with prince of hell to bring back her dead son.

oh yeah...

shudder

They called it The Jem effect.

AYYYYY

It was true. In fact, he used to have a crush on both Tessa and Jem. It’s how he had found he was bisexual.

very very valid. have a good day sir

AWW MAX DIDNT KNOW HE COULD BLUSH

you know it's a sign ive been watching b99 too much that i was imagining mina talking like gina...

pls send help

ALSO MINA BESTEST SDCHJDFVYDYUGFYUGFVDYVFD

“Can we not talk about my boyfriend’s sperm, please?”

im surprised my parents havent woken up by the sound i let out

BUT HEY THE DOOR'S CLOSED SO

SUGGENS MINA

“I’m hearing an inflated sense of self-importance,” he heard Ragnor call from the bathroom. “Is Magnus here?”

“Just the spawn,” Max called back.

THE SPAWN BYE-

“He is married to the Consul!” Tessa chuckled. “And one of his sons is a shadowhunter.”

“It’s still very bad for our reputation,” Ragnor grumbled. “He is too close with shadowhunters.”

“You are the headmaster of Scholomance!” Catarina said incredulously. “You teach nephilim! Even though you don’t need a job!”

“I was coerced!” Ragnor huffed. “Manipulated by the children of the angel.”

really ragnor?

The grin disappeared and Ragnor buried his face on Catarina’s shoulder. “I can’t go through this again, Cat! Not again!”

“So much for not taking up after his father, huh?” Catarina chuckled and looked at him. “That’s nice, Max. We are happy for you.”

“We are not!” Ragnor said in a muffled voice.

RAGNOR DJHDCUHUKIHDVVFDDB

OOOO MAX DIDNT KNOW ABOUT CAMILLE

a kind of endless love...

dont make me cry

“I know you are worried, love,” Tessa’s voice was a whisper. “You are worried about surviving after David. You are worried about your own heart. But you should never let that fear stop you from finding love. Because love is what sustains us immortals. It keeps us alive. When you love a mortal, you love them forever. You might not remember all the memories. The colour of their eyes or the sound of their voice. But you will remember the love. You will carry that love inside you forever. It does not make you weak or fragile. It makes you stronger. And you will forever be grateful for it.”

my eyeballs are too tired to cry

stop it

THEY SAID I LOVE YOU

I FEEL LIKE A PROUD MOM

bitch you hate children wtf-

Max laughed. “I’m going to kill dad for making us do this. God, this is so weird!”

better get it done now

HE'S DAVID'S FOREVER

dont do this to me at 4 am

“You should two should some spend time together. Get to know each other and all of that,” Max suggested with a smile. “Maybe you can bond over archery or something.”

“I’m pretty sure he would use me for target practice,” David mumbled.

“Don’t be ridiculous, David!” Max said incredulously. “My father doesn’t need target practice!”

At this point, a David and alec scene isn't a want its a NEED

“I got it all planned,” Max said – for someone who had no idea what he was going to do.

me throughout life

max Rafael isn't the one smoking-

OH MY GOD MY DAD JUST CAME TO CHECK ON ME THE WAY I SLAMMED MY LAPTOP

“Also tell him to stop smoking!” Max pointed out seriously. “It’s not good for his health! Especially with all the mundane illnesses going on.”

“I know, Max,” dad sighed heavily and blinked. “I mean, I’ll talk to him. For sure.”

Alec if anything happens to you...just know ill raise hell

“I don’t want easy,” David smiled. “I want you.”

IT'S 4 AM DUDE

AYYY THE SHANGHAI SHADOW MARKET

CELESTIAL PALACE

“Dad? The Consul? That dad?” David looked surprised and relieved all at once. “Oh my god, he doesn’t hate me!”

“Of course he doesn’t hate you!” Max chuckled. “But he did say he will put your nerd ass in the silent city if you don’t bring me home by 11.”

of course, he did

oh my god SLEEP. there is so much to do tomorrow dying...my grammar was really bad and I don't have what it takes to use Grammarly's corrections except for the ones it's already doing as type.

this chapter had my heart BURSTING!! AHHHHHHH

the talk was so important I'm so glad they took care of that. ok imma head to bed now BYEE

Eeeeeee this was a lot sfkjdfkd I hope you are okay. Get some sleep next time or I will call the police.

Thank you as always for reading, reacting and supporting 💚

[icharchivist]

cries think I made my ask too long so like half of it got deleted bc I typed it right into the askbox. anyways. I come bearing a3 thoughts! at first i was gonna watch the spring/summer and autumn/winter ones and then give my thoughts on both but. turns out i had too many thoughts lol? which i shouldve expected but i actually kind of... got bored by the first two chapters of this event! so i skipped and went to the stranger. and then went back. (1/?)

and then i got to like "tsuzuru and kazunari are having a fight?" and jumped on that like a starving wolf bc helllll yeah! i rly adored kazunari in sardine search, i think he was great! hes just so nice and has good vibes. he and taichi are kind of similar i feel? but i think their respective ages contribute to a lot of difference in their characters. why does it feel like this askbox limit personally wants me dead. (2/?)

anyways! i rly enjoyed the improv scene devolving to a real fight. admittedly i was kinda surprised that the content of that improv wasnt rly too similar to their actual fight? like normally a3 has the story of the play run parallel to like the actual real character drama so i thought the improv might function as the play in this event... it was still good tho. the scene i mean. (3/?)

also i rly liked tenma ragging on them afterwards. like he was mean but. first i adore tenma. second he just felt like. a different meddling type to muku lol? like the vibes he gave me were always like... im going to be a considerate leader and watch out for the ppl under me! therefore im gonna make sure theyre doing fine! aggressively. i think tenmas also just like a friendly person who likes to take care of others in general? like im not saying hes omi or anything but just like. (4/?)

that time he offers his car ride to juza so they can go to school together like hes surprisingly open compared to his initial prickliness. also ive got thoughts abt the tenma juza SSR conversation thing i read. one day ill make a tenma and juza fic and complete a trifecta haha... but thats something for another day! back to the actual story. the way tsuzuru dives right in after kazunari! that was so nice. like its easy to see how much they care abt each other. (5/?)

to the point where like even while theyre fighting theyre like angry but still like fairly quiet bc i think theyre both at least trying to be considerate of each other. ah the moment kazunari didnt respond to tsuzuru trying to talk to him i KNEW he was sick tho. felt proud of myself for calling that one but also the reason i knew is bc i have used the "character being sick during an argument causing them both to make up with each other" trope myself before so uh. like recognizes like haha. (6/?)

anyways the cg there was fuckin beautiful like kazunari looks so sad in the middle bit but then u see his shy smile? like hes sick but hes also like. happy to be there. idk. lovely. i adore kazu i think hes just deeply sweet to other people. tsuzuru telling him "you make everyone around you feel as bright and cheery as the things you design” is so wonderful too (7/?)

now im thinking. ah tsuzuru probably feels quite drained after a script and such (i know i am when i finish any piece--its like the emotions just rush out of me) so i like to think that like yknow. kazunari dropping by his room or whatever helps him set himself back to normal! but also when tsuzurus like oh u left ur magazines here! i suddenly remembered. wait shit kazunari and tsuzuru arent even roommates. wonder how much they bother masumi lmaooo. anyways overall very good story! (8/?)

some more thoughts: itaru and citron were so cute in this event! just like. citron saying itaru winking makes his heart skip a beat and itaru quoting citrons wrong sayings (which. i am also guilty of today i told my brother "we'll jump that bridge when we cross it" so) also i love how yuki is like "thank god i wasnt partnered with that hack" but like. yuki. u could literally just not talk about him. like its so funny to me yuki is like wow i hate tenma but he wont shut up abt him haha (9/?)

i also was a lil taken aback at hearing itaru go "for the lulz" tbh... like it fits him. but im mad it fits him? anywaysss thats all i had for this one! im gonna watch autumn/winter and go say my thoughts on that soon. sorry the ask was so broken up, idk what happened!

OLA FRIEND! Glad to see your thoughts again omg :3c

tho omg the fact tumblr deleted it all + the ask limit was all so evil D: poor friend.

I'm putting my answer under a read more because. Well. *waves hand* it got long.

The non-play events can be perhaps a little harder to get into because unlike the plays events that you start with a clear idea of at least the main plot (re: "they are preparing a play, i know the leads so i know who it will focus on"), non-plays events take a little longer to first set up what event they're participating in, how to prepare for it, and then bring up the conflict and which characters are going to have something to do with said conflict. So i can understand that they're a little harder to get into when we know the plays awaits.

On top of that, the first few events still were a bit tame because since it was early when the app released, i think they didn't go too heavy at once in case some people were still stuck on earlier chapters (esp since especially Winter is hard to unlock)

ANYWAY glad that it sucked you in on the second read :3c

So glad you were invested in that conflict!

Totally agreeing with you about Kazunari, and very good point about Taichi as well! they aren't the Puppy Pair for nothing :'D (Yuki took one look at both of them together and just Knew. His suffering knows no end (lovingly)). But yeah i think they have a lot in common, they both are the really bright and friendly figure, both also started in overcompensating a bit because both wanted to be popular in some ways.

But we do have, on one hand, Kazunari who wanted that rather late in his life while Taichi always thrived for that, the fact Kazunari made friends easily and it's just that he was scared of getting to the next level, while Taichi always struggled with this quest for popularity. In a way too both of them were at least scared to share a part of them, Kazunari worrying to show his thoughts, and Taichi being a spy and all of that... which impacts them really differently considering the guilt it puts on Taichi. And then you add their age into the mix, especially the fact Kazu is the oldest of his troupe and Taichi the youngest of his, it makes them fairly similar all while being fairly different.

both are so interesting to me and i love them bothhh, so it's always nice to see them have focus.

admittedly i was kinda surprised that the content of that improv wasnt rly too similar to their actual fight? like normally a3 has the story of the play run parallel to like the actual real character drama so i thought the improv might function as the play in this event

i love how you are seeing the patterns a3 tends to do it's so neat!

It's true the fight isn't really similar to their actual fight, though i do love that they had "swapped" their personality for the act and ended up insulting each other for theirr swapped personality. Like, Kazunari insulted part of himself in Tsuzuru's character and Tsuzuru did the same?? and then the fight escalated and the way Kazunari broke character hurts bc it's really that Tsuzuru hit where it hurts. But yeah it still wasn't too relevent to their actual fight, though i think the thing is that their fight was as such mostly because they tend to clash often due to their personalities rather than just this singular reason why, so to have the play go more "it's their personalities the problem" kinda hurt lol. But yeah still agreed that it didn't reflect much on the plot itself

I was rereading the improv bit to answer correctly and man since we're going to talk about Tenma next, i just. Love that when Kazunari, breaking character, his eyes sad, tells Tsuzuru "you have no rights talking to me like that..." it then cuts on Tenma being upset. Bc like. Exactly like you say, he wants to look out for the people under him. and like. Kazunari is his friend. A friend he also snapped at once and insulted for being who he was, so he probably could have relived a bit of his fight with Kazunari seeing those two fights; Except that now Kazunari is one of his closest friend and he doesn't like that.

Also like. It was also because he could still hide under the plot of the improv but it's so rare, and it never happened before that point, that Kazunari stands for himself in a "the way you treat me is unfair"? Like again re: his fight with Tenma, when Tenma snapped at him, while Tenma was unfair with him, Kazunari took the blame, called himself annoying and all yaknow?

The fact Kazunari is starting to accept that he can take more place for himself is something the whole Summer Troupe have been trying to help him work on, but especially Tenma. Tenma is always there trying to push Kazunari to say what he means, to express his feelings, to stop hiding.

And for once, Kazunari does that in front of everyone... and it's because he's breaking because of his fight with Tsuzuru.

I think Tenma probably felt it was even more of a reason to get involved like, this is the thing he's been working on with Kazunari about, and now he's being all hurt about it, not on Tenma's watch!

And i totally agree with your take on Tenma! (and would LOVE to read the Tenma and Juza fic once you get to it :3c). I think, Tenma is really caring and is trying to take a place as a caretaker and all, but unlike Omi, he has absolutely no reference for it.

Omi is the eldest of multiple brothers and everything indicates his parents have always been lovely to him. Add to it how he ended up leader of a delinquent crew he was clearly looking after, Omi has a history of taking care of people, of nurturing them, and he knows what he's doing. Meanwhile Tenma grew up on TV sets, mostly surrounded by adults and not by people his age, mostly getting advice from being ordered around by directors i think. And his parents are distant, hyperfocused on their job, not really nursing with him. So Tenma meanwhile really didn't have a family emotional support and was in situation where he couldn't befriend other kids his age. His only reference was probably Igawa (his agent) and i think for a long time he didn't exactly see it, and Igawa remained mostly professional so there was probably the idea of it not being sincere? That Tenma had to grow out of.

So like, they're both extremely nurturing and caring, but my point is that Omi has experiences in it and is at ease with it, while Tenma has been so alone and in places were he had no support system that even if he wants to support others, he still struggles with how to do it because he has no set exemple. And that's his development in the main story arc, to learn from how Izumi shows she cares in order to care back at them all.

Like i mean the way Tenma yelled at them about their mistakes at first feel like he would have picked it up from some directors on TV set yaknow? Probably hearing them say that with no consequences on others actors, seeing it worked, didn't think "that's an abuse of power and the actors probably all think badly of their director for that" but "wow that works", tried it on his troupesmates and realized this is... not how that works. And it's spending time watching how Izumi encourages them that have him fix his way to approach it.

So yeah i got lost too into it but like. I feel you on Tenma i love him so much and i love his development so to see him get pissed and involved there? was really nice. even if he was aggressive about it. He's still learning.

ANYWAY back to Tsuzuru and Kazunari, totally agree with what you say next. They still care a lot about each other and yeah they're at a point where this consideration they have for each other make their anger more quiet than trying to attack one another (Banri could NEVER-). so yeah totally agree with you!

DLKFJDLKF i LOVE the reasoning on "recognizing that Kazunari was sick". Your writer's powers making you see through... *coughs* unlike Tsuzuru....

AND YEAH ALL YOU SAY ABOUT THE CG.. YEAH. Kinda crying thinking about it again now LDKJFLKDJF It's just. Everything about it is so soft and tender. The things Tsuzuru tells Kazunari are soo so sweet sobs. They're just adorable i love those kids. and also i feel you for Kazu he's just that great huh?

The whole set up about Kazu dropping by his room is so so cute! I love it! Like probably the very first time Tsuzuru braces himself because "oh no i'm not in the mood to stand mister hyperenergy himself" but Kazunari quickly adjust his energy so that Tsuzuru can just recharge without being overwhelmed. Yes it would drive Masumi completely nuts. Which i think is a plus for Tsuzuru like, hey, if Masumi gets annoyed once in a while it's a win. But yeah also i think that Tsuzuru and Kazunari should really have the Artistic Soldiarity of Students in Art school Probably Working Until Very Late To Complete Their Projects. Would love if at the end Tsuzuru gave it back yaknow?

but yeah their story was really nice i'm so glad you liked it! :D

oh god yeah Itaru and Citron were SO cute in it too, i also love the comments Citron makes about Itaru's winks. Just there flirting in front of everyone like those two embarrassing friends huh. (probably with Muku being all starry eyes considering he greatly admires both Itaru and Citron and, well, Romance.). And yeah i love how Itaru ends up so much into Citron's rhythm (and this idiom you said? is glorious actually, 10 points for you)

DLKFJDLKF what a call out toward Yuki. "yes i hate Tenma,no i won't shut up about him, also if YOU say you hate Tenma i'm going to stab you with my needles, have a nice fucking day.". I love their dynamics so much aha

And yeah Itaru is there cursing us the whole time with the fact he's the greatest nerd ever and it fits him perfectly. It makes me laugh so hard.

Thank you so much for having shared your thoughts there! it's always a blast to read through them and i dearly enjoyed it! (+ it makes me relive the event a little and it makes me soft!)

I'm so glad you enjoyed it! So glad you had so many thoughts about all of this, what a blast.

thank you for sharing, and looking forward the Autumn/Winter reactions :3c

Take care!

[anythingandeverything1d]

Not in the same way

A few months ago:

You were sitting cross legged on Harry’s bed while he was on the phone. You were scrolling thorough pictures of the two of you and smiling thinking about how great the past year had been together. You had fallen completely head over heels in love with him in that time and he genuinely made you the happiest person on earth. You had been wanting to tell him that for quite a while you just didn't know how to make it special and memorable. So, with the help of some friends, you had painted a map onto a small wooden board with all the places Harry had toured and in each area that was filled in was a picture of the two of you. The bottom had your initials carved into a heart with the date you had started dating. You were so excited to show him the finished product. He walked back in the room with a slight frown on his face, not looking up from the phone but you smiled, patting the bed next to you “Harry..”

“Yeah love?” he mumbled still looking down.

“I have a surprise for you.”

“A surprise?” his head finally glanced up from the phone and looked at you curiously. 

“Mhm...come sit down.” 

He sat next to you with his hand on your knee and his eyes curiously looking into yours. “What kind of surprise are we talking here?” He leaned over kissing your ear, causing you to slightly smile.

You looked down, feeling a little nervous to how he would react. You pulled the board out from the pillow it was sitting under and handed it over to him. “I just wanted to do something to commemorate making it through this past year together and let you know that I love you.” You looked at him looking at the gift but he remained silent so you nervously continued on..”I love you so so much Harry and I’m grateful for every moment we have together, whether we are FaceTiming late at night when I can't sleep or if we are just having a lazy day in bed. I know that you will be leaving in a few weeks to do your next tour so I thought you could take that with you. To give you a little piece of home while you're gone.” Your cheeks had blushed red and you had looked down. 

“Oh.”

You looked at him a little confused and hurt. “Oh?”

He set the board gently down and looked at you running his fingers through your hair with a pained expression on his face. “It’s just that, you know with me leaving and everything and I’ll be gone so much longer this time that I thought maybe it would be a good idea to take a break.” His lips pressed together and he watched you carefully. You just stood up from the bed and looked at him before turning away to hide the tears. 

“Oh.”

“(y/n) I mean I just think-”

“No I get it.” you grabbed your jacket from his floor and walked out the door mumbling goodbye, and that was the last you had heard from Harry Styles.

Present Day:

It had been a few months since the break up with Harry. At first you had taken it really hard but eventually you moved on with life and tried forgetting about the curly haired boy you once knew. “Hey beautiful.” Luke said wrapping his arms around your waist and pressing a gentle kiss to your cheek. “Ready for the award show tonight?”You had only been dating Luke for around a month but it felt good, and he did make you really happy. Tonight 5 Seconds of Summer would be performing at the AMAs and Luke had invited you to be his date, which meant getting red carpet ready of course. You smiled and nodded.

“Of course I am!” You pressed a kiss to his lips. “Im really excited to see you guys play.”

“Im really excited for you to watch us and for me to see you in this dress.” You rolled your eyes and laughed at him. Your dress had been specially designed. It was a sleek black dress with a slit up the side to show off your leg, and Luke had been eyeing it since you originally got fitted. 

“Speaking of which” you grabbed the dress from his hand. “I need to actually get dressed so mind leaving?” He stuck his lip out and pretended to pout.

“I could help you get into the dress you know.” He wiggled his eyes and bit his lip.

“Oh I’m sure you could, but something tells me that I would end up with less clothes on then when we started..”

“I wouldn't complain..” his kissed your lips, lingering a little longer before you smiled and pushed him softly away.

“Go.” you laughed. “Before I change my mind and you miss your performance and the award show all together.” 

“Anything for you.” he said with a wink. “I should probably be getting ready as well. See you soon beautiful.” He kissed your cheek once more before leaving the room. Your stylists luckily came in as he was exiting and sat you down in the chair.

You spent the next few hours getting ready. From getting into the gown, to getting hair, makeup, and nails all done. It was quite a process but the end goal was totally worth it. You spun in the mirror admiring yourself before heading out to meet Luke and the other guys. They were huddled in the corner by the car and all stopped dead when you walked over. Their mouths dropped and Luke stepped forward taking your hand and slowly spinning you. “(y/n)...uh” he stumbled while his face turned bright red. “You look absolutely stunning.” The other guys nodded their agreements and you smiled thanking them all before climbing into the limo after them. 

You were nervous..you hadn't been on a red carpet since Harry and you didn't know what to expect from tonight. Luke held your hand tightly and squeezed, assuring you that everything would be perfect. He helped you out of the car and held onto your waist as the paparazzi flashed their cameras, pushing closer to ask questions and get the best shot. Luke looked forward and guided you to the next camera location and smiled kissing your cheek as you posed with a smile. You had taken nearly a hundred pictures with him when an interviewer came over asking for some news on their new album. You backed up, giving them space and watching with a smile as they teased new hints and what song they would be performing. You were about to join them when a guy with a camera stepped in front of you, causing you to stumble backwards and trip into the person behind you. 

“Sor-” you stopped dead as you looked up into the face of person whose hand had stopped you from falling. Your eyes were looking into the emerald green eyes of none other than Harry Styles. Your heart was pounding and you shifted your feet taking a step back from him. Harry was surprised too. His eyes traveled your body slowly from head to toe, leading your face to turn a very dark red color. His eyes made their way back to yours and he smirked seeing the blush on your cheeks. “Sorry..” you awkwardly continued, trying to step back from him. 

“(y/n)....” Harry breathed. “Uh- its, you look um” he stumbled with his words. You stumbled with your thoughts as you looked him up and down. He was wearing a white floral suit with a black button down shirt. His hair in soft curls. You could barely look away, he looked like a god. “You look-wow” he breathed out again. You shuffled away and looked down, he noticed and grabbed your hand again. “Look (y/n)..there’s something I’ve wanted to talk to you about...I just didn't know how to go about it..and Ive been meaning to call or text or just show up on your door ste-”

“Harry-”

“No seriously. Look I was an idiot. I never shouldve let you leave that night and I’m sorry for that. I just had some things going on and-”

“Please...Harry just stop.”

“No because I’m in love with you. I always have been..” He looked at you and stepped forward. You willed your legs to move but nothing happened except for your heart rate rising as he got closer. Luckily, Luke, Ashton, Calum and Michael had finally made their way over. Luke looked from you to Harry with a concerned gaze as he followed your hand that was resting in his. You awkwardly pulled it away and took Luke’s instead. Harry looked disappointed and then upset watching the exchange happen and you just looked at your feet. 

“Everything okay?” Luke asked noticing the tension. 

“Yeah, Harry had just stopped me from falling. I tripped over the guy with the camera.”

“You always are a clumsy one.” Luke laughed pulling you close. “Thanks for helping Harry, its always a pleasure.”

“Same to you guys. I look forward to seeing your performance tonight.” He said, his eyes leaving you and focusing on the group.

“Yeah it should be a good one, but we have to get going to sound check.” Luke turned to you, “Ready?” you nodded and he smiled kissing your nose and pulling you along. “See ya later Harry.” Harry didn’t answer, just watched with a murderous look in his eyes as Luke pulled you away.

You sat in a chair listening to sound check, or partly listening. Your mind had been stuck on Harry since the encounter and it was driving you to distraction. All of the emotions that you had shoveled way down after the breakup were making their way up to the surface. Hurt, confusion, disbelief, and lust. Did he love you, did he not?  “(y/n)?” Luke asked concerned. You shook your head and looked at him.

“What?”

“We asked what you thought...”

“Oh...I thought you guys sounded great” you lied. You hadn’t actually listened to a thing they had just sung but your answer had satisfied them. He smiled and nodded taking the guitar and setting it down. 

“Well then boys, we should probably get out to the awards then and find our seats.” You followed slightly behind the boys trying to get your brain focused on the show ahead, but when you came to your seats you were surprised to find Harry in the row directly behind yours.

“Well isn't this exciting.” he said looking at you with a devilish grin. “Just like old times right guys?” You thought you were going to be sick. No one else seemed to notice the tension or anxiety Harry had caused within you and you were grateful for that and annoyed. Luke should've been able to pick up on the shift... The awards started and luckily that meant no distractions..or so you thought. Harry touched you at every point he possibly could. A tap with his foot on your leg. His fingers brushing against your neck as he leaned forward to comment something to one of the boys. Every touch was driving you deeper into your thoughts and deeper into your feelings. 

Luke seemed to finally notice something off so he put his arm around you, leaned in and whispered a “are you okay?” against your ear. 

“Yeah, just a little hungry” you lied. He didn’t look fully convinced so you placed a kiss on his lips, earning a smile from him, and an angry look within Harry. Unfortunately the boys all had to leave to prepare for their performance. and get on stage, which meant you would be alone with Harry for the next 20ish minutes at least. You had wished the guys all good luck, hugging them tightly before they walked away. You then nervously settled into your chair as Harry walked around and took Luke’s seat. 

“So. You and Hemmings?” Harry mumbled leaning extra close, his hand resting lightly on your thigh.

“Yeah.” you said distractedly, playing with the bracelet on your wrist and avoiding eye contact with him. 

“When did that start?”

You looked up annoyed. “When do we break up again?” you said sarcastically. Harry also looked annoyed and he sat up straighter before leaning in closely again. 

“So you just move on like that?” he said pointedly.

“Like what Harry?” he was getting a rouse out of you and he knew it.

“I just find it a little suspicious that you tell me you love me and then move on so quickly, that’s all.”

“Fuck you Harry.” He smirked and pressed on. 

“Does Hemmings know about us? Does he know about how you felt, all the nights we spent together?” 

You rolled your eyes. “Leave me alone Harry.”

“Ahh so he doesn't know which is why he didn’t seem to notice the reaction you had to me earlier.”

“How about you just go back to your seat now?” you ask but he has other plans. “And there was no reaction.”

“Now you never have been a good liar love. Are you going to tell him or should I?”

That led to the snap. You hadn’t mentioned Harry to Luke before because you didn't want questions about your feelings. You didn’t want the memories of him. You had kind of just assumed he already knew since it had been a public relationship in the past. Your eyes locked on his and you leaned in close. “Harry. I swear to god. Don’t you even dare. Its my relationship and I’ll decide when I want to tell him things about my past, so read my lips and leave me the fuck alone”

Harry grinned and whispered, “I thought you would never ask.” He pressed his lips to yours, cupping your cheeks with his hands and pulling your face closer. You reached up, your hands on his chest. You meant to push him off but he gently bit down on your lip and your body gave in. You moaned softly into the kiss and your hands knotted into his black shirt, wrinkling the once ironed fabric. Your brain was telling you no but everything else in your body was telling you yes. Harry’s kiss left goosebumps running up and down your body and when he pulled away, you were gasping for your breath while your body begged for more. Harry look satisfied with himself and sat up straighter with a smile on his face. “Tell me love, how's that kiss compare to the ones you have with Luke?” You groaned annoyed with him and scooted a seat away as the lights dimmed and the music played. The boys had chosen to perform Not in the Same Way, one of your favorite songs on their new album. You hummed along to the words, trying to ignore the very smug face Harry had sitting next to you. The words of the song really hit you differently at that moment. “I love you, you love me, but not in the same way.” Did you love Luke? Did you love Harry? Did either of them love you? There was so much you were confused on. The song ended and you hadn't really noticed. You were still distracted by the fact Harry was sitting near you, the smell of his cologne intoxicating you as if it were a drug. Your brain felt fuzzy and you were feeling off balance. Harry seemingly saying what you were thinking whispered, “He loves you, you love him but its not the same because you, my love, still love me.” Your mouth dropped open and you looked at him as he smiled before moving back to his seat, crossing his arms as he sat back down behind you. Luke and the guys made their way back over and you dramatically grabbed him, kissing him hard on the lips and giving Harry a look behind you. The other guys whistled and clapped Luke on the back before sitting down again. 

“Did you like the show?” Luke asked with a smile.

You nodded, your brain was comparing the kisses. Harry’s was knee weakening. It made you want to drown in him forever. Luke’s was gentle and comforting. Everything going on in your brain was making you feel sick. “Uh I’m going to run to the bathroom” you told Luke who nodded and turned the other guys to talk about the performance. You stood up and wobbled grabbing the chair for support, causing Luke to turn to you with a look of concern. 

“You okay?” he went to stand up and help you.

You stepped back. “I’m fine, just tripped.” You turned again, making a point to not look at Harry and walked out to find the bathroom. Once you made it to the bathroom, you gripped the edge of the sink and looked in the mirror. You had tears threatening to spill out of your eyes from frustration. You weren't even mad Harry had kissed you. You were mad that you had enjoyed it. You wanted to hate him. You wanted to never see him again. You looked up again and jumped when you saw Harry standing behind you in the mirror. You took a deep breath and slowly turned hissing “What are you doing in here?”

He sighed and looked at his feet. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay...you seemed a little off when you left.”

“And you had to come into the women's bathroom to do that? Aren't you a little worried someone will walk in and freak out?”

“I locked the door behind me. Its just me and you.” he stepped forward and ran his fingers across your cheek. You weren't sure how to feel about this situation and you tried to step away but your body willed you forward leaning into his touch. He sighed and opened his arms. Unwillingly you walked into them, your head against his chest and your arms tightening around his torso. “(y/n)...”

You shook your head and stepped away looking at him. “Please don’t Harry. I really can’t.”

“I can’t live without you anymore.”

“You seem to have done well the last few months without me.”

“You don't even know. I’ve been a disaster. The only thing keeping me from rushing to you was the fact that Louis and Liam talked me out of it. They said just to wait until tour was over. That there was no point to put stress on you while I was away. But then of course you had to go get yourself a new boyfriend.”

“Oh I’m so sorry I didn’t just continue to let the break up ruin my life. I’m sorry I found someone who actually wanted me.”

“I want you more than I want to breathe.  I don't know what else I need to do to get that into your head.”

“There’s nothing you can-” Harry cut you off. His hands tugging you hard against him, his lips crashing into yours. His hands slid down your back and gently squeezed your ass. You didn't even pretend to not enjoy it and soon you were matching his energy. Your arms tangling up around his neck. He picked you up and sat you on the counter by the sink, his body between your legs. His tongue ran down your neck and your head tilted back in response. He continued down, pressing gentle kisses along the soft skin on your chest and he laughed softly. “What?” you asked partially annoyed and partially willing him to continue.

“I just wish this dress was easier to get off..” He kissed you again, biting your bottom lip and tugging before slipping his tongue into your mouth where it tangled with yours. The taste of Harry was overwhelming and what you had been missing more than anything. After another minute Harry pulled away, gasping for air. Your head leaning against his shoulder while catching your breath. He hugged your body tightly and your arms snaked around his ribs where you squeezed hard, hoping he would never let go. The two of you sat like that for a few minutes before Harry reluctantly pulled away. You looked at him and he looked back and smiled. 

“What’s that look for?”

“You mean my smile?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m just happy I have you back. I feel like I can breathe normally again, I-”

You sighed and looked down. “Where do we go from here Harry? What happens next?”

“You break up with Hemmings.” “I can’t do that.”

“Why the fuck not?”

“Because...it-it wouldn’t be fair to him.”

“And it’s fair for me to just sit back and let you walk away again, knowing how we both feel?”

“You pushed me away the first time Harry. Lets not forget who's fault that was.”

He shook his head. “I know. I know it was my fault, which is why I won't back down now. I don't care if it hurts him. I need you. Look I’ll give you till the end of the night.”

“Or what? You’ll tell him? That will hurt me too Harry you know that right?”

“Or I’ll leave. And you will never see me again.” Harry turned and walked out without looking back at you and your heart dropped as you were faced with the hardest decision you may have ever needed to make.

----

Part 2 

Hope you all like it! xoxo

[punkscowardschampions]

Joe & Ronnie

Joe: [Enough time later that you might think you’ll not hear from him again, realistically like a day or two but given what you did it’d seem like longer/regret and dip ‘cos ya should but we know that ain’t it]

Joe: you spent Charlie’s modelling money yet

Ronnie: long gone baby like you

Ronnie: if you were after a cut shouldve taken it sooner

Joe: nah, it’s yours

Joe: his but sounds like he enjoyed himself, by her account

Joe: no need to ask what you spent it on

Ronnie: but you wanna hear my account yeah

Ronnie: thats what this is

Joe: do you think that’s what this is

Ronnie: youre not taking up space in my head mckenna

Joe: and not in your diary, as you pointed out up top

Joe: busy busy yeah

Ronnie: i werent asked to audition to be a doss student cunt 💔

Ronnie: & the one he brought back didnt fancy me enough to ask me to join in either

Ronnie: busy getting out their way

Joe: leave it a couple years you’ll be a mature student and they ask less questions

Joe: how rude

Joe: after you told him about your massive cock and everything? 💔

Ronnie: go ed and dig me up when youve graduated then

Ronnie: 3s a crowd when 2 of em are scousers & the others from fuck knows where didnt have you to translate or the horse for scale

Joe: after an invite? Sure thing, sis

Joe: not Kent then, gutted

Ronnie: less questions you said put your ? away gobshite

Ronnie: not england but i aint a skinhead who cares so hes as alive as dorothy ever leaves em

Joe: people love that though

Joe: black EDL members and asian conservatives, such a laugh for ‘em

Ronnie: too late to go back and put the boot in now he ll have been shown the door & it wasnt me getting a name or number

Joe: his loss all ‘round then, I get it

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: alright, so I need linking

Ronnie: you got cash or you selling yourself

Joe: I’ve got cash, just not the contact

Ronnie: hand it over ill pick up for you

Joe: you think i’m that green

Ronnie: what colour do you reckon you are

Joe: you’ve got no prejudice, apparently, so what’s it matter

Joe: [picture of some of the multi-coloured bruises you acquired]

Ronnie: he was a pussy & you want me to connect you to people who aint

Ronnie: youre an easy target

Joe: you wanna pocket my money yourself instead, I get it

Joe: you can have a % of the shit, alright

Joe: not asking you to do it for nothing

Ronnie: thats all theyd do when you show up with your baby face and habit

Ronnie: ill take your money & still have it pocketed cos i dont need student loans to score no shit are you asking me to do it for nothing

Joe: what you gonna give me to keep hold of ‘til you give me mine

Ronnie: add an arm to your collection what do i care

Joe: yeah, what do ya

Ronnie: you want a easy pick up get a schoolboy plug i dont know any

Ronnie: i care about money youre ready to waste

Joe: that’s part of the appeal

Joe: why get it in a safe, nearly legitimate way

Joe: half the fun, eh, alright, alright

Joe: do it then, I don’t know no fucker else I can ask yet, I’ve gambled on worse

Ronnie: i just wanna get it thats the fun

Ronnie: get into a fight with whoever the fuck you like whenever for a pissing contest

Joe: you wanna start one ‘fore I’ve given you the cash and you’ve given me mine?

Joe: that’s blatant bullshit

Ronnie: you wish

Ronnie: save your childish excitement for the phone call home like

Joe: nah, you’re full of shit that it’s not just as much about the company and authentic experience

Joe: there’s plenty dealers that are nowt but businessmen

Joe: nothing but a transaction and they’ll sell to a junkie and city banker as one in the same

Joe: don’t act like you don’t have a deathwish or what was the point of taking me there and showing me

Ronnie: where the fuck am i meeting buisinessmen or getting the cash to pay em

Ronnie: dont be fucking rem

Joe: everyone’s stupid enough to wanna get their dick sucked over cold hard cash every other deal, no matter how presentable or legit they play

Ronnie: ive got the links ive got

Joe: fine

Joe: where you wanna do this then

Ronnie: whats your problem

Ronnie: [but a location anyway]

Joe: what’s mine

Joe: thought we’d covered that in length or are you less convinced now

Ronnie: convinced youve got fuck all to cry about

Joe: obviously

Joe: definitely bother with you if that were true

Ronnie: you wanted a big sister im doing all the hand holding

Joe: I never did and I still don’t

Joe: but you carrying on with the pretence if it makes you feel better

Ronnie: i didnt come to you or ask for fuck all to make me better

Joe: yeah you’re blameless

Joe: all in my fucked up head and not yours

Joe: what’s it like being an 👼🏼

Ronnie: i already told you you aint in my head & you werent in my veins for long enough to get fucking soft about it

Joe: i’ll be there in [however long that’d take you]

Ronnie: boss

Joe: you sound like them, you know

Ronnie: i dunno who the fuck youre talking about

Joe: the rest of the fam, of course

Joe: glad to see that the level of chatting bollocks to make yourself feel better is genetic, s’not depressing at all

Ronnie: that still dont clear fuck all up for me except that youre a bigger cunt than i thought

Joe: you don’t think about me

Joe: and none of that shit happened, your memory loss and confusion extends to that, don’t worry

Ronnie: you like me but you still compare me to em every chance you get

Ronnie: fuck you

Joe: yeah, fuck me

Joe: like you haven’t just

Joe: forget it, actually forget it

Ronnie: youre as full of shit as you reckon I am

Ronnie: forget that its been ages & youre speaking up now cause you want something

Joe: i haven’t been able to flick my brain onto anything else, never mind shut it down, I haven’t slept or eat or done anything to take me away from it, you

Joe: and it meant nothing to you

Joe: fuck you

Ronnie: gear not me

Ronnie: theres the authentic experience you were going on about

Joe: no

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: this is what I mean

Joe: you know as well as I do what it was

Joe: why are you fucking lying and saying I am

Ronnie: im a junkie all i do is lie & nothing else means anything to me

Ronnie: youre worse than green if you dont fucking know that

Joe: you’re lying that it meant nothing

Joe: not lying that it did

Joe: even if it made you fucking sick, that isn’t nothing and I don’t believe you

Ronnie: dont believe me i dont care who the fuck are you

Joe: your brother

Ronnie: youre nothing

Joe: yeah right

Ronnie: the dealer means more

Joe: already pointed out you’re that much of a cliche

Ronnie: what we can’t both be a cliche take it then

Joe: never heard that one

Ronnie: nows your chance to make a final comparison between me & whatever family member you hate or are turned on by the most

Joe: final chance, alright then, sound even more stupid

Ronnie: sound like more of a pussy that youre kicking off over this but not gonna fuck off

Joe: why would I?

Joe: i’m not pretending that it weren’t a thing

Ronnie: nah youre pretending it was

Ronnie: whoever the fuck ever told you youre special is the liar here like

Joe: your mate don’t count, you ain’t done that before either so fuck off with your jaded routine

Ronnie: hes my brother when & where it counts

Joe: there’s no blood and no reason not to go there, that’s where it counts

Ronnie: if i wanted to fuck you too your ma wouldnt stop me she means even less than you

Joe: yeah

Joe: you and your life aren’t totally fucked because of how much you care

Ronnie: you dont know shit about me or my life

Joe: you wish

Ronnie: you dont

Joe: or do you, actually

Joe: you shove it in everyone’s face, what do you reckon everyone thinks

Ronnie: youve seen a few scars & now youve seen into my soul yeah

Ronnie: shut the fuck up for all you know i lived a couple of doors down from you for your whole bullshit childhood

Joe: you look like that and reckon it doesn’t scream mommy issues? Fuck off, you aren’t that dumb

Ronnie: fuck you

Ronnie: everything you do is pure about her

Joe: not everything but I can admit she contributed

Ronnie: shes the 1st bitch to fuck me over but not the only is the difference between us

Ronnie: that unwanted bullshit was a pattern

Joe: you don’t know me either

Ronnie: i know you had a set of parents who kept hold of you however fucking west you were

Ronnie: no cunt was calling you racist shit or trying to touch you up

Joe: you’ve got a monopoly on fucked then, got it

Ronnie: like fuck have i but mine dont start & stop at mommy dearest how you think

Joe: of course it doesn’t

Joe: neither does mine

Ronnie: stop acting like youre an expert on how and why my head is wrecked and i wont have to kick yours in

Joe: you started it

Joe: but that’s good with me

Ronnie: get over yourself mckenna

Ronnie: you like what i start

Joe: i prefer the other night

Ronnie: yeah i like when youre getting punched in the face too

Joe: you can do the honours in a bit

Joe: fuck healing, yeah

Ronnie: what did your girlfriend say

Joe: oh, I got mugged and her dad’s gonna get her some pepper spray and a rape alarm 👍

Ronnie: hot

Ronnie: but she ll have dreamt you fell off the horse only got the single fantasy in her

Joe: that her dad’s so responsible and caring? would be her #2 if she had the range

Ronnie: if hes delivering that shit in person let me know so i can start something with him

Joe: oh god

Joe: that reminds me

Joe: She wants to invite Charlie over for like, a dinner party or something

Ronnie: if her daddy is there hes gonna need that rape alarm back off her to fend off mary

Joe: 😂

Joe: idk if she’s that oblivious and now wants Charlie to fuck her, or she thinks he’s my only mate 🙄

Ronnie: shes over you baby i scared her off

Joe: or she thought you was gonna ask for a line 😏

Joe: if that’s true I’ll owe you, again

Ronnie: ket hook up

Joe: you think she’ll let her love be in pain on your behalf?

Joe: not likely

Ronnie: not gonna ask politely

Joe: hot

Joe: I was gonna hit you up sooner

Joe: I tried to find you after

Ronnie: you didnt try hard

Joe: I only had one eye, by that point

Ronnie: im an attention whore with screaming mommy issues cant make it no easier to spot me in a crowd

Joe: in that crowd?

Joe: or will you be pissy if I call you dime a dozen

Ronnie: still got the accent as my own personal rape alarm

Joe: where’d you go then

Ronnie: youre a tourist theres no point telling you

Joe: if you left with that lad, no need to go over the details, got the picture

Ronnie: why the fuck would i leave with him

Joe: you mean you weren’t in his pants for his benefit

Joe: careful, getting bit close to honesty

Ronnie: i mean to go where i dont need a horse or an en suite

Ronnie: youre a hopeless romantic like

Joe: that’s a new complaint, I’ll tell my exes

Joe: deffo their fault after-all, buzzing

Ronnie: how many are there

Joe: get less slut-shaming off Soph, cheek

Joe: I dunno, I had to keep it moving because of all the secret mommy issues, you know

Joe: I’ll do a tally

Ronnie: its not already carved into your arm no wonder theyre pissy at you

Joe: if that worked for any of ‘em they could come back from the ex thing

Joe: 💔

Ronnie: try her initials whatever the fuck they are in between dinner party courses and win her back

Joe: you should come

Ronnie: id be made up if she pepper sprays me

Joe: it’d be the only way this won’t be the worst evening ever

Ronnie: loads of ways to take out your other eye ill pass you a spoon

Joe: give a go doing my A-Z carving with it too

Joe: 🤞 she invites her twink classmate and you can try for your threesome

Ronnie: she’ll get in there before us cause youll have distracted me with the state of your cackhanded 💘 carving

Joe: can’t say I’d be sorry

Ronnie: you catholics invented anal but i reckon its overrated

Joe: you’d probably feel different if that’s where your g-spot was but can’t say I disagree with that either, not that that’s anything too deep to have in common so we’re fine

Joe: and raised strictly un-catholic so the pope can’t have a go

Ronnie: nah no cunt would find it if it was there either

Joe: 💔 baby

Ronnie: you mean it

Joe: yeah

Joe: which bit, though

Ronnie: my invite to the shitshow

Joe: ‘course

Joe: if it’s shit, you’ll only have yourself to blame for not livening it up enough

Joe: and I will have to kill myself if I have to be there sincerely

Ronnie: he knows about you

Ronnie: might wanna kill yourself if he opens his mouth

Joe: oh

Joe: so I’m gonna have to act all nice and respectful, yeah

Ronnie: if you wanna make me sound full of shit

Joe: what did you say?

Ronnie: told him i shot you he werent best pleased about it but youre not his brother so fuck all he can do

Joe: sweet

Joe: still not gonna fuck him though

Ronnie: hed get your g spot for you 🍒

Joe: not if he’s worried about my innocence

Ronnie: hes worried about my head getting wrecked not yours only bitch who is

Joe: you’ll have to tell him what you told me

Joe: I ain’t in there

Ronnie: you fairies bring everything back to your obsession with your mothers course hes no fucking exception

Ronnie: & cos i stole my file when i was a kid he thinks i give a shit too you were part of the happy 🏡 picture he was getting in a flap about but i tore through that 🌈 optimism with the 💉

Ronnie: you can have lively

Joe: better he knows than goes on about it

Joe: it’s far from 🌈☀️ even if you were up for it

Ronnie: every soft lad but him knows its ⛈ if not outright 🌨

Joe: when I started looking, if you were like them, I weren’t even gonna bother to talk to you

Joe: just give her the info and let her do it herself

Joe: but I knew you weren’t

Ronnie: told you youd have liked me at 9

Joe: 😏 yeah yeah

Ronnie: shed have bailed before scrolling that far back even with the pure messy sketchy shit kept off for the sake of dorothys cv

Joe: idk,she bangs on about her own glory days as ‘precaution’ enough

Joe: probably dead proud

Ronnie: raincheck on dinner i gotta go slit my throat after hearing that like

Joe: yeah, it’s real fun

Joe: far as starters go though, you’re welcome

Ronnie: cos you owe me go ed & drag my corpse there dress it up like horse girl and send her that info so i dont make her proud yeah

Joe: gotcha

Joe: the fibres sending Soph down are an unfortunate side-affect or added bonus, depending how you feel

Ronnie: dressing like a dyke art teacher is shady to my mourners hed have loved having me on the team

Joe: sure she wants to be buried in her jodhpurs, like

Joe: not gay but kink-adjacent, he’ll be alright

Ronnie: inside the horse youll have to hollow it out for her

Joe: poor horse not ready to be made into glue but there we go

Ronnie: but when youre ready to follow me to the grave only need a plastic bag

Joe: follow you anywhere, or whatever sounds good in a song

Ronnie: not had a little brother like that before

Ronnie: never know the mime is behind you or not

Joe: he shy or you cut his tongue out altogether

Ronnie: saving that for you cos i know how you feel about 🍒 & theres fuck all else left

Ronnie: hed never get attention whore out or mommy issues w & m forget it

Joe: I can feel the slutshame

Joe: there hasn’t been hundreds, come on

Joe: you were being weird, I needed to get you talking, it worked

Ronnie: how many then

Joe: I guess 6 total, not counting anyone before like 15 because that isn’t real, maybe 7 but we might be pushing the term girlfriend there

Ronnie: 💘 how many songs

Joe: not destined for the bin? Fuck all

Joe: cliche points off the charts though

Ronnie: i know youve seen the busking vids hes still got posted up that im in i cant say shit

Joe: you’re good

Joe: even when you have to go Top40 for the tips

Joe: class thing about the cello, looks more pitiful ‘cos the case is massive, people try to fill it, like

Ronnie: soz im not killing myself fast enough for you

Ronnie: miss me with your schoolboy cliches 🖕

Joe: don’t worry, the songs were ‘insert name here’ jobs if they were anything

Joe: don’t wanna sound like I’m singing about a 75 year old bloke, do I

Ronnie: if itd been changed you wouldnt have found me shit at stalking as you are songwriting like

Joe: you’ve already got your own song anyway, don’t be greedy

Ronnie: ill keep you some 🐴 if youre not

Ronnie: 1st thing i tried if you do wanna follow after us

Joe: trip down memory lane we can both handle

Joe: ‘course

Ronnie: dont have any exes itll have to do

Joe: prefer the ket

Ronnie: write a song about it

Joe: [blatantly will in a pisstake way]

Ronnie: k gonna be dead easy to carve with the spoon can do it rattling

Joe: your faith in my abilities is appreciated

Ronnie: youre not fucking here youll have to

Joe: just got out the station hold on

Ronnie: fuck telling me to hold on you hurry up

Joe: if you shut up I can run

Ronnie: can you

Joe: fuck off i’m not that unfit 😂

Ronnie: nah dead fit far as homos and horse girls reckon

Joe: lucky me

Ronnie: youve had 7 bitches no cunts gonna feel sorry for you

Joe: all various shades of boring though

Ronnie: no shit

Joe: so you’re saying you ain’t gutted for me? 💔

Ronnie: your virginity sob story is like me in that crowd of cunts you couldnt find your way through

Joe: Christ, don’t remind me, first and last time I ever went near a virgin

Ronnie: theyre all older than you itd be pathetic well as boring

Joe: exactly

Joe: too much hassle having to worry about them, destroys any point of doing it

Ronnie: gotta put their kids in the cupboard as is

Joe: fortune in gaffa tape, like

Ronnie: still not 💔 mckenna going on about how flush you are since i met you

Joe: amazing how far you can stretch the loans when you steal Soph’s food and do fuck all that ain’t necessary

Joe: not like I actually dated any sugar mommies

Joe: should’ve, clearly but carefree 18-25s are easiest actually

Ronnie: gears necessary now youre gonna have to start stealing more than her pasta shapes

Joe: you’re my manager now, are you 😏

Joe: there’s shit I can do, music gigs, it’s fine

Ronnie: fine for your baby habit

Ronnie: it wont last

Joe: alright doom and gloom

Joe: not gonna learn how to cover my teeth yet

Ronnie: fuck off & fuck you

Joe: i’m here so come say it to my face

Ronnie: youre not better than me cos you can nod through a cello practice

Joe: where’d I say I was

Ronnie: when you said how fucking functional you are

Joe: I didn’t, I said I could get cash, that’s all

Ronnie: so can i its not the fucking point

Joe: and I didn’t say you couldn’t so what’s yours

Ronnie: youre not a fucking kid at the pool if youre gonna pussy out cos the waters too cold fucking do it

Joe: I’m in and you know that

Joe: so let me in

Ronnie: bullshit are you

Ronnie: youre proud of yourself for treading water

Joe: you’ve got the plug, I’ve got the cash, what is the problem with that

Joe: it’s an equalizer, if anything

Ronnie: we ll never be equal

Ronnie: you can cover your arm run off to class & pick up another boring girl whenever the fuck you like

Joe: what do you want me to do, seriously

Joe: say it

Ronnie: stop talking

Ronnie: fucks sake

Joe: [Show up hun]

Ronnie: [I love the idea that they have to wait around for ages for this dealer in awkward silence haha]

Joe: [the casual tension]

Ronnie: [god knows what she’s gonna use to ease the tension with a lil bit o self harm because god knows where they even are, I worry about you and all the infections you would get gal]

Joe: [the casual one-upmanship until you’re interrupted]

Ronnie: [we know she’s not paying him in cash and we know why she’s not please don’t get into another fight Joseph]

Joe: [got to let that one go as she was specifically like you’re not better than me, probably fuck off whilst that happens ‘cos not gonna stick about]

Ronnie: [take your heroin and calm down huns]

Joe: [hope you take enough to pass out ‘cos you’re not gonna be in any sort of mood now either of ya lol]

Ronnie: [we’ll do you both that favour]

[scribbleheaded]

On a different note, something I did want to talk about talk in therapy but didnt get to is gender and sexuality.

I've been feeling a lot of gender things lately. A lot of it is noticable passive influence but the frequency has gotten a lot more often. I can tell that the gender feelings are connected with our collective acceptance of our attraction to girls, and slowly letting go of our fear of nonconformity with cishetronormativity, but its feels so sureal for me, as the watcher part that I am.

I have spent a lot of time cocon with the more feminine parts. I never felt weird or uncomfortable to be sharing the body with a masculine or gnc part like Syd, but that used to be a more foreign presentation for me. Their style and gender feelings felt fun and androgynous and boyish but very distinctly Syd. I would never confuse those feelings for my own because they are just so saturated with Syd emergy I guess. I feel very at home when we are fused together and we present as androgynous though.

On the other hand our external presentation in those moments felt more Syd than me whereas with like Molly and even Rebel I was very comfortable viewing myself in the body with them. Whenever they were in body we were fused. Their self image felt very comfortable as my self image. I dont really like the stuffy feel to some of Molly's clothes, but I used to view myself internally more as a girl next door type. And it was very easy to slip into Molly with her in school.

So basically In highschool esspecially I was very good at performing femininity because the other parts around during that time who were so at home in it. But over the last year or so, or maybe honestly even longer, I've come to feel more in body with more masculine presentation. Even sometimes Syds presentation feels too feminine (leggings) A lot of this change is the relief of the expectations that come along with femininity. Shaved legs, makeup, fashion sense and social coding using fashion, etc. I have been substantially more relaxed about those standards since graduating highschool and esspecially in the last year or so of quarentine. I now find when I dress for even casual errands instead of prioritizing being considered pretty or even graceful or competent/functional/professional/normal or even badass/unapproachable/sexy(feelings associated with Molly/Rebel respectively), everytime I get ready for the last year or so, I find my top concern is trying to downplay my feminine body and present masculinity. Theres a fight to the dysphoria that feels really different from Syds masculine androgeny and I know it's coming from a part but dispite how familiar their energy has become to me, I cant seem to source it very well. I hope I can make contact with them soon. Perhaps I should ask our therapist about that. I dont know if shed have tools for this.

I know some of these feelings are connected with Dylan though. Who I thought was me for a little bit recently. They showed their face recently. I'm not sure if they are a new split or not though. They have been hosting a lot lately. Honestly probably longer than I was aware. In any case, Dylan is a very good part to pair with the new unnamed dysphoric part because though shes very comfortable in her womanhood, she is very masculine and prefers to present more in that direction. I wonder if shes the part we promised to explore our attraction to girls with all those years ago. We must've been a preteen back then.

Which in retrospect I cant believe that's a memory I skimmed over for so long. Before puberty I really talked to the parts often. I rememeber Rebel so vividly in childhood. And I remember near where the denial and fuzz starts coming in the memories that I promised a girl in our head that it was to soon now but we would be able to kiss and date girls when we went to college. I even rememeber her reminding me of it throughout highschool. I would always just push down and not acknowledge it back then though.

On the subject of identifying as a lesbian. I think I've finally feel resolved on the debate we were having for so long. I know we all have our assorted gender feelings and sexualities. And they all interact and fuse with eachother in their own crazy ways. But after looking at our expirences and memories, I really think most of the parts attracted to men do so from a very internalized compulsory hetronormativity stand point. My job is basically to watch everything non traumatic and collect a cohesive narrative for any confused part to understand our collective story. I dont really interject often to make choices, mostly just alerting other internal parts like Rachel if theres a problem, though I've been more externally active in the last few years. But it always felt disconnected and wrong with the men we were with. From the beginning we felt the tugging and desire to bolt whenever a boy liked us back. But with our first real boyfriend the guilt kept us back. We even told him that we felt "backwards feelings" at the time which confused us. We felt so guilty for suddenly not wanting to be together that we forced ourself to stick through it and eventually the feelings went away. We never hated sex. Lota of parts find a lot of value in being wanted. But we could never really get aroused with boys. That is something I didn't consider as much as I shouldve when the conflict was so loud last spring. Though we pursued lots of men and had sex with them, we never got off, felt guilty for that, and ran whenever it got too serious. I know some of us thought because we pursued men we couldn't really like only women. I think we also felt like it was our duty to be available to men. I'm not sure where that comes from, but I know theres a lot of internal guilt about not being attracted to men who are attracted to me.

I think part of why I'm thinking about this now is I found a yuri manga that really impacted us on heteronormativity and our struggle to identify our sexuality. In this manga, Yagate Kimi ni Naru, two girls fall in love. It's very wholesome and we found it doesnt really fall into the fan service traps a lot of yuri does. But in the beginning the girls are talking about how they have never been excited or felt a spark when someone has confessed to loving them. It never made their hearts flutter in the special way. And originally Yuu doesnt know how to turn a guy down because she keeps hoping and waiting for the moment she feels something. She feels like she needs to love him. And I realized that we were that person for a long time. Trying and holding out to try to love a boy who loved me but being unable to meet him in the middle and love him back. And I also really relate to Sayori who loves a girl but has buried it down so as to not push too far. I relate to having been burned before by a girl I thought liked me back and feeling weird for liking girls as a girl.

Anyway this was long as fuck. Likely incoherent. But I feel like we just processed a lot of stuff so that's something. I still feel very turbulent about it all though.

[ryncorrect]

university!au: day6 sungjin

i’ve abandoned this au for so long istg my life is a mess yall please forgive but anyway im back with my bullshit and ready to spread my cringe-worthy stuff to the world again

name: park sungjin

major: practical music and arts

other activities: leader, guitarist, and vocalist of university band, president of music club, member of cooking club

park sungjin is the embodiment of leadership

i mean he’s the band leader, the club president, also the president of his class since year one, like he’s so trustworthy and responsible, literally nothing can go wrong under his sight

and even when things do go wrong (life is a bitch) he’ll still make sure everyone is fine and having the time of their lives pun intended

anyone who meets sungjin for the first time will probs say he has this tough man aura, cold,,, tsundere-ish idk

but as someone who have known each other for so long, you never understand when anyone says sungjin looks cold

you know damn well the moment sungjin opens his mouth he gonna throw dad jokes with his satoori dialect

dad jokes are fucking funny fight me

you once said sungjin should start his own comedy club

......he��s currently considering it

oh right he also talks about food all. the. time.

he joined cooking club for a reason okay

no, he can’t and doesn’t really cook he’s only there to taste food and people let him there because he’s nice and he knows how to appreciate the cooks

uh we love a man with manners

so, who is sungjin for you exactly?

he lives next door, one year older than you, was a leader even when you were little ayeee childhood friend cliche

can you imagine little sungjin leading his friends in game its so pure brb crying

you told him everything you couldn’t tell ur parents because they were busy, you asked for his advises, he made sure you were safe and happy

you still depend on him even after you two have grown up

you enrolled to the same university, took the same major with him, and even joined the clubs he’s a member of

this isn’t because you’re indecisive, it’s just that you spent so much of your childhood with sungjin that you two became similar to each other, up to your hobbies and interests and even palate lmao

that’s why he loves to eat with you because you two never argue about the menu

the only club you can’t join is the band, and that’s because jae rejected your application

reason: extremely close personal relationship with sungjin, therefore sungjin will take your side if we ever had an argument

you denied that; no, sungjin wont take anyone’s side based on feelings bc he’s a logical person and he always listens carefully to every side of the parties before he makes a decision..... but jae wont listen

brat

"you only rejected me because im a better guitarist”

“lalalalala cant hear you over my authority as the important band member”

“fuck you”

“i don’t accept offers”

anywayssss you did fail to join the band, but you’re friends with them, theyre literally so used to your company that sometimes they forgot youre not actually in the band

you and the guys teamed up for sungjin’s surprise birthday party

the surprise failed because dowoon accidentally added sungjin to the group chat

sungjin being nice and playing along anyway because he didnt want to disappoint you

and then its sungjin’s turn to ask the guys for help for your birthday party

failed again because dowoon AGAIN accidentally invited you, in person, to your own birthday party

dowoon what the heck?????

yeah its all cute and sweet but thats all of your relationship with sungjin, you treat him like a dependable brother and he treats you like his own little sister

thats what you tell to your friends too when they ask if you two are dating

they’re glad thats the case

because they have a crush on sungjin LMAOOOOO PLOT TWIST

they’re hoping they can get to sungjin through you yanno like asking you to send him snacks and letters or to tell him they say hi

you dont mind i mean you know sungjin is one admirable person ofc everyone likes him

sungjin never rejects nor accepts it hes just like “yay snacks!”

“god damn it sungjin just date any of them im tired of being a matchmaker”

“then dont?? literally no one asked you to”

little did you know that sungjin had the same problem

some of his classmates are interested in you but whenever they come to him he just says, “dont ask me i dont know anything and if i do i wont tell you”

this one sandeul guy has started asking you out and stuff

“ehhh youre so nice i’ll think about it!!”

you, immediately texting sungjin: ur friend sandeul ask me out what should i do

sungjin: do you like him tho

you: not really idk him yet

sungjin: just tell him your mom said no

you: damn nice

but this guy is so persistent and you gotta admit hes kinda cute and after a few tries you finally said yes to him

so you two went together and it was pretty fun

sungjin isnt too happy when he hears about it from sandeul

he asked you, “why didnt you tell me first?”

“well i dont think its a big deal. it was just a date anyway”

but you always told him everything

sungjin never speaks about it again

you go on another date with sandeul the week after

you tell sungjin later and he doesnt ask how it went

hes just “oh”

idk he’s kinda distant now, he rarely talks nor replies to your texts

he doesn't visit music club nor cooking club either so you don't see him often

have i told you im uncreative and all my aus are lame???

you think its probably because hes focusing for the finals, but even after it’s over sungjin doesnt really hang out with you or the band anymore like he only comes for practices and leaves right after

weirdly no one says anything about sungjin’s absence

but you cant stay quiet any longer and decide to ask dowoon whats wrong with sungjin

you shouldve known dowoon cant help much

“honestly i dont know either, maybe you should ask wonpil he’s sungjin’s roommate”

“but what if wonpil told sungjin”

“told sungjin what?”

“that i asked about him”

“asked him what?”

“...nevermind”

you asked younghyun

younghyun doesnt help either

“i dont know, just ask him yourself. i thought you were the closest to him??” why you so salty man

okay fine lets ask jae

“i’ll tell you for fifty bucks”

“dude im broke”

“then deal with it yourself”

you had no choice but to ask wonpil

“he’s just tired”

you know wonpil lied but this little shit refuses to tell anything

“please dont force me to answer i will cry really loudly and it’ll be embarrassing for the both of us”

why do you befriend them in the first place smh

oh youre right about wonpil telling sungjin that youre worried, and he does tell him to talk to you if he got something in mind

sungjins hesitant but in the end he only says, “no... its just that i didnt realize until recently that my little sister has grown up a lot”

“dear god wtf you sound like her grandma”

skip the boring part so uh a few more days passed awkwardly between you two and after your failed attempt at asking around you decide to confront sungjin in person

youre in the band practice room, the others are present, sungjin’s about to leave early as usual, and you find yourself jumping up your seat, “whats your problem with me?”

you know sungjin hates confrontation but you cant stand it anymore. you tried giving him time but if theres anything you seem to be more of a stranger to him

“i dont know what i did wrong and i wont know if you dont tell me, so let me know. i’ll listen and i’ll apologize if its my fault, but dont give me silent treatment like this. its so unlikely of you"

you can see sungjin clences his jaw as he replies calmly, "people change"

"you don't change, youre being childish. if you're mad you should talk about it. if you don't want me here you should tell me to go. if you don't like ME dating your friend you should tell me not to!!!"

drama much ryn

"youre your own person and you make your own choice, its your life and i cant keep telling you what to do or what not," and the end part kinda slips, "i don't hate you dating my friend or anyone, okay? im just not used yet to be a second person for you and im afraid youll get hurt"

"youre never?? a second person sungjin where does this idea even come from youre the only one for me i dont want anyone else???"

and suddenly there's a train of awkward coughs and you come back to your senses and you realize you're being watched

jae pretends to make a phone call, "mom pick me up im scared"

lame jae lame

dowoon mumbles, "can we,,, make an exit first before you two declare your undying love bc its privacy yanno"

you feel the heat spreading across your face as you open your mouth the same time as sungjin, both want to deny dowoon, but younghyun beats yall to it, "yeah you two are in love with each other we been know"

you and sungjin stares at each other, confused, "we don't???"

"oh honey,,, my dear,,, ive read enough sappy shit in writing club to see where this is going"

the conversation was cut there and neither of you bring it up again,

because the idea of you loving sungjin or sungjin loving you is so weird that you refuse to think about it, and so is for sungjin

but ever since that, sungjin has drastically come back to normal its almost hilarious, he spends a lot of time hanging out in the music club, practicing with the band, visiting the cooking club, making a joke here and there

sungjin is himself again with you, a caring dependable brother whom you come to whenever you need to talk or just hang out with and he always makes sure he has time for you

sap

you know hes always been like that but why does it feel different now??? the way he smiles or pulls your hand so youre walking on the inner side of the road,,, how he neatly places your spoon and chopsticks on a napkin when you two go out to eat together,,,, why

tender love baby chICKEN TENDER

mydayexol follow me

andddd so one day, someone asked you out. again.

wow ur so popular i cant Relate

you, texting sungjin: sandeuls friend jinyoung something invited me to a party next saturday should i come

sungjin, replying to you: hmm

you: ???

sungjin: i think its up to you

for some reason youre disappointed by his reply,,, but he’s right tho its your call if you wanna go then you go its not about what sungjin says

right?

right???

but suddenly you got another text: but if you ask for my opinion i would say don't go

you: actually i dont want to either lol so what should i say

sungjin: tell him you already have a date

you: nice

sungjin: with me

you: ayyeee

you: wait what

sungjin: i mean its just a suggestion

sungjin: which you can accept

sungin: or reject

for some reason you can imagine sungjin’s cheeky smile through his texts and it makes your inside tingles and you wanna giggle

so yea you thought it was a joke but he actually did take you out for a movie and dinner

it was really nice

so yanno the weird thing is that neither of you ask the other to be “official” but you just. are dating.

ur friends are mad like “bUT YOU SAID YOU TWO WERENT A THING”

“lol sry i changed my mind”

“fuck you”

“no thanks sungjin can do that... bUT DONT TELL SUNGJIN I SAID THAT hes gonna kill me”

“is he ur mom”

“basically yeah”

this sucks real bad but who cares

not me obviously

ill be back soon (or not) with dowoon’s one lets hope i can do better than this dnsjfsndfj lnjajnfdjs lmAO I LOVE YALL AND HAPPY NEW YEAR IN ADVANCE

[wildtorres-a]

𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐡𝐨𝐥.

WHAT? —  after a night of their usual antics, drew and lia wake up in bed together.

WHEN? —   saturday night, march 21st.

TRIGGERS? —  very long smut, alcohol mentions + use, drug mentions + use.

FEATURING —  lia rosenburg ( @rosenburg-lia )

A deep sigh left Amelias mouth as she settled herself opposite Drew in the jaccuzi, she was grateful for the connection she had with the boy. If she had a chaotic plan she knew that he was the best person to call, almost never saying no to whatever crazy idea she had planned. "Today has been interesting, Im glad men are simple creatures and are still attracted to boobs," She joked as she took a hit of her blunt, her head tilting slightly as her eyes trained on Drews, "Im glad we did this, a sort of escape in a way," She spoke with a small shrug as a smirk tugged to her lips, "Plus the room is not bad, the bed looks like a cloud. Im proud of you Torres," a quick wink sent his way with a laugh.

it'd been a long day, even longer when the brunette teen thought back on the fight he had with his step mother that morning. there was the frequent disappointment, threats to take away all social devices and temporary isolation other than school that would turn permanent if he didn’t get his act together and begin focusing on the right things, and the mention of ‘stupidity’ that left a bitter taste in his mouth along with a clenched jaw. it ended with her leaving his room and beginning to get ready for second shift, when drew grabbed his keys and made his way right out of the house, slamming the door despite her protests. which of course, leads him to where he is now. sitting back against the jets, as he lays his head upwards on the edge of the jacuzzi, puffing out smoke from his last inhale, the drug already taking it’s effect as lia sits across from him. it’d been a mere ten minutes ago when the last family, a mother and her two sons, had left the pool room leaving the two miscreant teenagers to their own devices. which of course was when the drugs and alcohol had been brought out, thankfully the two wouldn’t have to worry about anyone interrupting them, having already given the receptionist an extra $50 to let them stay after hours. drew almost thought it wouldn’t work, this being one of the more prestigious hotels in the city, but you’d be surprised what you could get at the right price. he grabs the bottle of ciroc, takes a swig, before placing the bottle back on the cement. chuckles at her words, “i doubt there will come a day where men will not be attracted to those” his eyes linger on the subject of the matter for only a second, before they shift back onto her gaze. he’s playing with fire and he knows it, but is sure she’ll chalk it up to their usual banter. “i’m more than glad, i couldn’t be in a better state of mind than i am right now,” he offers, with a smile. glad that lia had taken him up on his offer to get into something entertaining.  

it’s the first time in a while he'd heard anybody say anything along the lines of being proud of him, even if it's being said in a joking manner. he feels almost pathetic for basking in the feeling more than he should. more than what’s necessary. ”hey, i should be thanking you, i couldn’t have done it without you,” he praises with a sly smirk. doesn’t feel the guilt from pickpocketing the man a few hours earlier, doesn’t think he'd miss the $300 that much, given his expensive looking suit and polished dress shoes to match. sticks his hand out for the blunt as he passes her the bottle , ”plus i heard this place has good ass breakfast, if we’re even up in time for it” doesn’t admit that he wishes the night could never end, not wanting to think of the repercussions of his actions when they wake up in the morning. ”wanna make things more interesting?“ he asks, the dim lighting giving her a glow, as he looks her over.

The way their family treated them was something that bonded the two almost from the jump. Being held to a higher standard than was necessary and fighting back even if not on purpose. Her parents expecting more out of her given her older sisters life, but she wasnt right in their eyes. It seemed like no matter how much she took the time to mold herself into the image they had of her, it wasnt working. They would find something new to hone in on and make her change. Eventually just learning to love herself and the person she was. And she had been like that for a while now, but to most it seemed he had just randomly changed in a way. But Lia knew this side of Drew for most of the time they had been in eachothers lives, it wasnt a shock to see him acting the way he was and the things he was doing. She had grown to enjoy this side, they got into plenty of trouble over the years because of it. Something about their energy coming together, maybe it was sharing a birthday, or maybe there was something else, but it was always somehow chaotic. Tonight was a prime example of them scheming purely for a good time. She wasnt one to shy away from using her body to get what she wanted, nor flirting with older men for money. But when Drew suggested the plan she couldnt help the devious smirk that had tugged to her lips. A very similar one to the smirk that was on her face as she watched Drews gaze fall, a wink sent his way when their gazes met, "They come in quite handy at times, so I hope they dont," She chuckled lightly as she leaned her elbows back on the cement behind her, taking a drag off the blunt one more time. His smile being returned as she exhaled. "Well we cant have a sad Torres, then no one has any fun," She spoke with a teasing pout as she passed him the blunt, taking the bottle off his hands, immediately pressing the opening to her mouth and tilting her head back.

"I do have quite the way with men dont I," she spoke with a small shrug, a laugh bubbling out as she relaxed back into her place, slightly closer to Drew so it was easier for them to pass back and forth. "But thats why we're partners in this, couldnt do half of my crazy antics without you D," She chuckled lightly, thinking on the countless stupid shit the two had gotten into together. Petty theft was one of the more minor on the list, well at least to her. Others would think they were crazy if they only knew. Her grin widened as her eyes lit up at the thought of breakfast, "That sounds amazing right now," A small moan falling from her as she thought about the food, "We shouldve brought munchies out," A small pout falling to her lips before a smirk took its place, an eyebrow raise sent towards the boy, "what have you concocted in that pretty little head of yours?" Her eyes finding his as she they traced his face. 

perhaps it's the liquor. maybe the weed. he’s not entirely sure, but his eyes can’t help scan over her body clad in the tight baby blue bikini. he’s always found lia attractive, as well as any guy that's ever come across her he supposes, with an enthralling personality to match. but he knows there’s a limit to how far they can go, even if he is tempted to go over and beyond the unspoken boundaries as they sit half naked in the otherwise vacant pool room. he lets the jets calm him, listens to the sound the water makes as it laps up against the edges, hoping it takes the thoughts away. he takes the blunt from her hand, pressing it to his lips, and inhaling it. he blows the air out a good ten seconds later, eyes on her as she talks. “i’d say you definitely have them wrapped around your finger,” he smirks, as she comes closer to him. “not that i can blame them, you’re beautiful” he leaves it at that, as he gives her a cheshire smile. “you know, you’re the only one i don't feel like a total idiot around” and now he knows the alcohol is talking, but he can’t find himself to disagree with the words. ”i think i seen a little store up by the reception desk, we can get some when we get out of here” he offers, finding her pout to be cute. he takes another hit of the blunt, inhales it, holds it in before he leans over and gently grabs lia by the shoulders, leans in until their lips are only centimeters apart, and blows the smoke into her mouth. “i’ve always wanted to do that,” he confesses when it’s over, lingering there only for a moment before pulling back, but not fully moving away. “twenty one questions, if you’re up for it,” he answers, “only if you don’t answer a question, you take a shot” he shrugs, doubting that any shots will be taken between them and their daring personalities.

She always felt a rush when she was around Drew, something about his demeanor just had her fixated at times. He was a good looking guy, one of the best in the school, there was no denying. His personality making him all that more intoxicating to the girls around the halls. But due to the history he had with a certain person in her life there were limits. Granted she may have put them on the friendship, out of respect, but there was something about the atmosphere. Maybe it was the feeling of the jets against her skin, or the way his eyes raked against her, but she felt something shift. Finding herself watching the way Drew hit the blunt, admiring the way his lips looked as he exhaled. Her eyes clouding over slightly with more than just alcohol and marijuana. "Its a talent of mine," She spoke, arching a perfectly done brow, "Only beautiful?" She spoke her tone laced with something more than just their usual banter. "Its because we thrive off chaos, especially when we're together," She chuckled lightly, gasping lightly as she felt Drews hands pull her in. Her eyes meeting his as she inhaled the smoke, exhaling as a small smirk pulled at her lips. "Shouldve done it sooner," She spoke, her mouth working faster than her brain in her crossfaded state. "Im up for anything, you know that," She chuckled, "Although Id much rather just take shots for fun," A small shrug, "Ask away cutie," She spoke leaning her elbow on the side of the jacuzzi, resting her head on her palm as she looked at him with an almost believable innocent look on her face

there’s a chuckle that leaves moist lips at her comment, as his eyes meet hers, “and gorgeous, and sexy” he eyes her lips right after the word’s said. he knows it's wrong, to be mindlessly flirting with his ex girlfriend’s cousin, the same girl he considered his first love, but nothing in the moment feels wrong about it. “but i’m sure you have enough guys and girls telling you that” he smirks. listens to her speak, and is grateful to have her around, even if it just amid the chaos. he hears her comment, doesn’t give a response. knows it’s not necessary. they’ve crossed the line tonight. it’s in their stares, longing and want, and now that it’s here, he wonders how long they’ve been holding it in. how long they’ve been secretly waiting for the other to slip up and make a move. a wrong move, but a move nonetheless. and he does know that. knows that she’s down for the ride anytime, and is happy to accompany him, bad decisions and all. they’re probably bad for each other, no voice of reason to guide the other, but it doesn’t stop the brunette male from inching closer to her, tone no higher than a whisper. “how long have you wanted to kiss me?” and now, he knows there’s no going back.

Lia couldnt help bringing her bottom lip in between her teeth a Drews words, something about his tone telling her everything changed. "I may have been once or twice, but it sounds so nice coming from your mouth," somewhere in the back of her mind a voice was telling her to stop while she still could. that he was off limits because of her cousin, who would never forgive her. but she knew there had always been more to their relationship than the mindless flirting, she had thought about it once or twice. in more detail than she would care to admit to anyone. but finding herself in this moment she knew she was in for it. that there was no going back after today, they had to be on the same page. she knows she can trust drew with her life if she needed to. If at any time she wants to have an adventure she knew she could text him and hed be at her door asap. but as she found herself instinctively moving closer to the male, their gazes unwavering, she knew that it was the final straw. her hand finding itself on his thigh under the water as she moved closer, her lips brushing his as she spoke, "Months," She spoke, breaking the final wall and placing her lips on his

the lights are dim, the pool room door is locked, no distractions, no disturbances. he’s not thinking straight, he’s not thinking of anything else but how good he wants to make her feel. wants to hear how she sounds when she comes undone. the blunt is set to the side, ashed on the cement right next to the  bottle of ciroc. forgotten. “i can think of better things i can do with my mouth,” he states in a playful tone with a wink, although they both know what’s to come. the forbidden aspect of their actions making this all the more interesting. and maybe for one fleeting moment he feels bad, but he can’t help himself from wanting to reach out and feel her smooth skin. and he knows the temptation is too strong, even if it comes with consequences. he lets her start things off, lets her be in control, until he can’t hold back anymore. their lips meet in a heated kiss, and he can feel just how bad they both wanted this. it’s urgent, needy, and mind blowing all in one. his tongue jutting out atop her bottom lip for permission, as he slips his fingers into her hair. and there’s an obvious taste of weed mixed with the ciroc, but there’s also a hint of mint once you got past the others. he moves his hands down to her hips, before settling on her lower backside, and scooping her into his arms. he holds her in place under her thighs, legs wrapped around him. he feels the effect she has on him, and wonder if she does too. starts making his way to the edge of the jacuzzi, and once he sets her down on top of the cement, he wastes no time placing his lips on her neck, giving soft pecks, until he licks around, trying to find a spot that’ll make her weak in the knees.

"I cant wait for you to show me," She spoke, a captivating tone lacing her words. she knew where they were going, not wanting to bounce around the subject. she felt every bit of his statement through her body, having thought about this moment a few times in the past. having ultimately deciding he was off limits and better as a friend. she watched him with hooded eyes, her eyes darkening to almost black as she looked at him.she hesitated for a brief moment before she had decided to give in,  she would let him have her in that moment. in anyway he wanted, she was entirely his. her mind not caring about the consequences, her body craving his touch over every inch of her skin. a small squeal coming from her throat allowing herself to be pulled from her spot, her legs wrapping around his waist tightly. A light moan came from her lips as she felt just how much he wanted this, her heart pumping in excitement, as she felt a rush to her core. her arms resting around the base of his neck, fingers pulling ever so slightly. she could taste the green apple flavor almost immediately, getting a hint of the weed in the aftertaste, something within it becoming addicting to her within the brief period their lips were locked. she felt herself get placed on the cement, shifting ever so slightly, as she tilted her neck, her eyes fluttering closed as small moans fell from her lips.

he doesn’t want to think about how they’ll feel about it in the morning, wants to bask in this moment. their lust filled gazes burning into the other, touch starved, and filled with need that only the other can supply. maybe they can pin it on the alcohol, many have before, and they wouldn't be the last to make impulsive moves with the liquid in their system. he's brick hard, can feel the length against his right thigh, the discomfort it's making in his swim trunks, but isn’t focused on it. wants to make her feel good, like no other can. the moans emitting from her mouth is music to his ears. he starts to suck on her neck, switching ever so often to strokes of his tongue, and then back to sucking, leaving a few marks she’d have to hide the next few days. he pulls away, gives her a peck on the lips again, as he holds her face in both of his hands, admiring her. “you’re beautiful baby, and i’m gonna make you feel so good” he keeps his word, as he kisses down to her chest. he grabs at the bikini top, in too much of a rush to untie the pretty blue fabric, he slips it up and over her breasts. gives the right nipple a peck, and watching it harden, before flicking it with his tongue a few times, and taking it into his mouth. he then moves on to the left one, and repeats. once he feels she’s satisfied enough, he begins kissing down her tone stomach. slowly, teasing her with a smirk playing at his lips. he kisses her just below the belly button. then places his arms under her, wrapping around her thighs, pulling her closer to him and holding them open, leaving a kiss there, and a lick there, feeling the heat from her core, as he gives her a kiss through the bottoms and then blows lightly, taking pleasure in her reaction of the pressure. “you gotta tell me what you want baby,” looks into her eyes with a mischievous grin, as he continues to tease her. 

his touch was intoxicating, focusing on the way his hands felt as they roamed her body, an almost electric feeling being left in their wake. they could try to chalk tonight up to their cross faded state, to a one time deal, but something told her this was gonna be more than a one night stand. feeling the way her body reacted every little thing he did, she knew she was done for. that no matter what she was putty in his hands, he had her whenever and if ever and however he wanted her. her head was thrown back, loud whines leaving her lips as drew made his mark, having a feeling it was more than just heat of the moment, as if marking her in a way, a reminder to her what he does tonight, of how he made her feel. a small smile found its way onto her face during their intimate moment at his words, something about hearing them from his lips. turning almost shy for a second at them,  "please baby," she practically begged, slowly reaching her hand below the waters' surface, needed to feel more of him. her hand slipping below the waistline of his shorts, wrapping around his length, a small gasp leaving her lips. he was bigger than she imagined, finding herself leaning up against him, her lips brushing his ear, "i cant wait for you to fuck me baby, youre so fucking big," she purred, nibbling lightly on his earlobe as she leaned back, a small intake of breath from the feeling of the wind on her aroused nipples, getting cut off by a loud moan as drew began his play with them. her other hand coming to play with the top of his hair, tugging with her moans every so often as her eyes fluttered closed. slowly opening her hooded eyes to watch the raven haired boy as he traveled lower, her hands coming to rest on her chest. a matching smirk finding its way to her face, before her bottom lip pulled in between her teeth taking in the sight before her. a small giggle left her lips as he pulled her closer, soft gasps and light moans tumbling from her mouth from his touch.

her hand found its way into his hair again, tugging at the teasing. whines accompanying her actions with breathy moans falling as she moved closer to him, trying to get more friction where he was needed the most. her eyes finding his, a rush going straight to her core at his words, her thighs instinctively trying to close for some sensation. "i wanna know how your tongue feels baby, fucking me as you play with my clit. Make me cum with your mouth, please baby," She practically begged, wanting nothing more than to come undone under him again and again.

he’s enthralled in her at this exact moment, wants to keep that look of utter pleasure on her face, doesn’t want to forget it. and it’s then he realizes that things won’t be the same, even if they go back to their daily routine by the time the sun rises and they only have hazy recollection about what’s currently taking place. he’s never made his mark on a girl that wasn’t his current girlfriend, didn’t care to claim territory on what wasn’t rightfully his, but something in him wants her to remember this moment. wants to see her amongst the crowd at one of the next outings, and admire his work. the sensual touching, the needy look in her eyes as he places his hands on all the right spots. in this moment, he wasn’t thinking of what anybody from school would think if they saw the two right now, wasn’t thinking of the mayhem that would be tori's reaction, and he certainly wasn’t thinking of the punishment he’d definitely have to endure when he stepped foot into the household tomorrow. whatever it was, it’d be worth it. to see her wither under his touch, to hear her gasp, and moan and watch her face as she takes in all the pleasure.

it's almost as if the two are intoxicated on each other, clouded by the rush of it all. the longing to reach out and feel the other’s touch too much. her pleads only egging him on, and increasing the want he already has for her. he lets out a small deep groan as she holds him in her hand, and he leans in closer to her, kisses her shoulder, then places his face in the crook of her neck, whispers in his ear. “i’m gonna fuck you so good, i’m gonna have to carry you out of here by the time we’re done” it’s a promise he intends to keep, as he moves back to his former spot. — he appreciates the tugging, loves it actually, and smirks at her impatience. wonders how her nails will feel against his back. he considers continuing the torture, but figures she’s had enough, at least for now. it’s only seconds after she does exactly what he’s asked of her, that he gives her one last peck against the thin material, then strips her of it, smiling as she helps him by lifting her lips. he tosses it to the side, before going back to his rightful spot rested between her legs, head tilted towards heaven. he’s watched porn an abundance of times, as well as many of his own experiences, and knows exactly where she wants him to be. his tongue swipes against her entrance, feeling the juices she’s already produced. “you taste so good, and you're so wet for me” he murmurs, as he makes eye contact before making himself familiar with her clit. licking and applying as much pressure as he can, all while holding her legs open, dipping his tongue into her folds from time to time, and then going back to the clit, holding her in place. his eyes staring into hers intently, as he laps at her juices, inserting a finger and then another into her slicked folds, as his tongue continues it’s work on her pearl. “so wet,” he repeats, as he watches her. 

everything about him captivated her, each moment becoming engraved in her memory. she could almost feel the atmosphere shift in that moment, every ounce of her soul knew things had changed. knowing she wouldnt be able to just look at him in the halls, or simply sit next to him without a flash of this night playing in her head. but she didnt care, not about a single thing except him. she didnt care that when she awoke the next morning her entire world would shift, that she would lose the closest person in her life for god only knows how long. she just knew she didnt want the night, the euphoria, to end. every experience she had, every person that entered her life didnt compare to how she felt. she couldnt stop the whines that were falling from her throat, or the jolts being sent through her body from his touch. she felt good, knowing she had his entire presence, not a single thing being able to drag either one out of the moment. everything else being pushed to the back of her mind, all the little things that were on her shoulders melting off as his hands and mouth worked over her body. almost as if this was was second nature to the boy, knowing exactly what spots to hit, what got bigger reactions out of her without ever having experienced each other. 

her body shivered against him at his words, a moan falling from her lips simply at the thought of him fucking her until she barely knows her won name. "fuck me like the whore I am," her tone almost dangerous, challenging even. their gazes finding one another, a smirk pulling at her plump lips, and a wink sent his way. she watched him move in between her legs, widening ever so slightly for him. her heart pumping as she anticipated his next move, whining when he didnt listen right away, "please," she begged, her hips immediately propping themselves into the air when she felt his hands pulling at the straps of her bottoms. her eyes falling closed, a sharp hiss falling from her lips when his tounge found her slit. she had gotten wet just from seeing him topless before they got in the jacccuzi, knowing she was dripping by the time he got her bottoms off. "its all yours, all for you, whenever you want it baby," She choked out in between moans, her body arching every so often despite the hold he had on her. her eyes finding his amidst the haze, her hand tugging harder on his hair feeling his fingers slip in with ease, a loud whimper breaking from her lips. her other hand finding his shoulder, digging in ever so slightly, a breathy and almost inaudible  "Fuck me," falling from her lips 

he hadn't expected this. the scene unfolding before him. figured they’d drink and smoke, probably get a few noise complaints from their neighbors, and wake up to a trashed hotel room. maybe wreak havoc around the area. but he's sure none of that could compare to this. — once he's good and ready, meaning he feels she’s satisfied enough, dripping wet and begging for more, he removes both his mouth and fingers, then repeating her words, “all mine,”. even though they both know they don’t belong to each other, he has to admit he likes hearing the words fall from her lips. he’s sure it’s somewhere around 11 o’ clock, possibly nearing midnight. the two having entered the pool room at least an hour before. he knows although no one’s checking for them, it’s best to be out of here within a reasonable time. he doesn’t respond to her pleads. instead he slips out of the red and blue swim trunks, lets them pool around his ankles, before he hovers over her body, and pecks her lips a few times. slips his hands under her for what feels like the millionth time, lifting her petite frame, before placing her down in the water with him. “you ready baby?” he asks, wants to make sure this is still what they both want. before turning her around, placing her arms on the edge of the jacuzzi, spreading her legs, and aligning himself up with her entrance. once she gives the okay, he slips in, groaning at the pleasure he already feels. “shit,” he hisses, as he pulls out little by little, and thrusts in deep, trying to get into a steady rhythm, all the while making sure she’s comfortable. “fuck, you’re so wet and tight,” he groans out, as his thrusts become more rapid. admiring the glistening cream she's producing, as he slaps her right cheek, and drills into her, going as deep as he can. as her walls begin to close around him, he moves his dominant hand up to her neck, gripping it softly, and urging her to cum. his mind is free of everything else, but he subconsciously thanks audra for the fight they had earlier leading up to this.

if anyone were to tell her that she would find herself naked on the edge of a Jacuzzi while her cousins ex boyfriend ate her out, shed tell them they were crazy. the dynamic between them never being anything more than destructive at times, caring deeply for the other but not in the way that would bring them to this experience. coming to the random hotel she expected the usual blunts and bottles, but she was more than happy with the position she found herself in. a smirk found its way on her face as he repeated her words, while they both knew better, in this moment they were each others. nothing stopping them from living out their wildest fantasies. while the jacuzzi wasnt her first choice, there was something sensual about the area. being out in the public eye but still being totally private, the jets creating a sort of numbness on their skins if they were submerged. she watches as he slips out of his shorts, not even bothering to hide the action as her eyes trained to his cock, her bottom lip slipping between her teeth as she slowly raked his body. slowly working up till she met his gaze, a smirk crossing her features. her hands coming to rest around his neck, kissing him back with small giggles as she was swept from her spot. pecking his lips one more time as her hand fell to stroke him a few times, a small nod following his words. allowing herself to be positioned as he wished. her hands placed firmly on the concrete under her as she pushed back slightly onto him. A sharp intake of breathe as he pressed into her. whimpers falling from her lips at his pace, encouraging him to go harder. soon loud cries of pleasure fell from her lips, breathy words of encouragement for him, pushing back to meet his thrusts. "faster baby," she spoke with a loud moan, her back arching when he hit her spot. "right there, daddy, keep going," she could feel a knot tightening, "fuck," an almost pornographic moan coming from her lips as his hand came to rest on her throat, her own coming to rest over his a squeeze to tell him he can choke her harder as she slowly came undone underneath him.

anyone who set eyes on lia and knew of her, could assume she'd be a bit wild between the sheets. but she’d exceeded drew’s expectations. the arch of her back, giving him perfect access to the spot he wanted to reach, her meeting his each and every thrust, and the way they both were sexually connected in the moment. knowing exactly where the other wants to be touched, what the other wants to hear and when. he's had bad sex before, he’s sure she has her stories too, but drew feels like he met his match. he grants her wish, picking up speed, pounding into her like she wants. he’s close, and the feeling of her walls clenching around him, the juices coating him, as she rides her orgasm out. “so good baby girl, so good” he mutters out, knowing it's only a matter of seconds before he joins her. gripping her throat a little rougher, he slams into her will full force, burying himself within her. he feels it all, the tightening, the pleasure, the twitch and he lets out a satisfied groan as he removes his hand from around her and pulls out as quickly as he can, the semen falling in the water. he slips his swimming trucks back on, walks over to her, and gives her a passionate kiss, moving her now damp hair out of her face, still panting. “what do you say we go upstairs to our room, and go for round 2?” he smiles at her, as he hands her the bottoms to her bikini. “i’ll even keep my promise and carry you up” he winks, picking up the two nearby towels, and wrapping it around her shoulders.

like with most of the guys in the school, she had her suspicions of how Drew was in the bedroom. but everything she had thought was surpassed that night. meeting him match for match as the night went along, knowing every little thing the other wanted as the night went. there was something laying in the air around them, something that no one would be able to explain. not even the two teenagers in the jacuzzi, becoming undone within each other, forgetting the stress of world around them for just a moment. lia let out one final whimper, feeling him pull out of her. standing on shaky legs as she sat on the side of the jacuzzi, swinging her legs over to land on the steps. watching as drew collected their clothes. her hand cupping his face as she kissed him back with equal passion, maybe even more. "I think that sounds perfect," A small chuckle as she slipped her bottoms on, "Piggyback ride?" She asked a small pout on her lips as she feigned innocence towards the boy despite the less then innocent acts transpired less then a few minutes prior.

the morning after.

all that is heard is the default ringtone of an iphone, and chestnut orbs flutter open at the alarming sound. his right hand immediately goes to his head, as he shields his eyes from the sunlight through the hotel’s thin curtains, his head throbbing in pain. doesn’t miss the fact that he's completely naked under the covers. he remembers bits and pieces of last night, can taste the remnants of peach ciroc on his tongue, the groggy feeling he has because of the weed from the night prior. he tries to recollect his memory, before his phone starts ringing again, and he declines it, before looking at the notifications. 7 missed calls from audra torres, 15 text messages from audra torres. he groans, before hearing a shift in the bed, and looks over to find none other than the beauty that is lia rosenburg under the blankets, also naked from what he can tell. 

he fumbles out of the sheets, muttering out a “fuck,” at his current situation. scrambling to get his jeans on, while the memories flash in his mind, the sex, the wanting, the way he felt. he goes to the other side of the bed, still shirtless, as he shakes her awake gently, “lia?” he calls out, as he moves the hair out of her face just like he had the night before. 

The incessant buzzing from a phone was beginning to get to lia. Her head pounding and wanting nothing more than to fall asleep, and stay that way for the rest of the day. A huff being let out as she pulled the blanket over her head, tucking herself deeper into the blanket, trying to drown out the noise. Without even blinking her eyes open she pushed the source of the voice away. “Sleep,” she spoke softly, wrapping the blanket around her hand, uncovering her face again, pulling it up under her chin. her head throbbing as she let out a quiet groan, the brightness from the sun to much even with her eyes closed. her throat raw from what she assumed to be weed she smoked, the lingering taste in her mouth mixed with what she thought was some sort of peach vodka, based on the headache she had. Snap shots of the night prior dancing in her head, slowly sitting up as she let out a light groan, her hips feeling sore, as if she spent the night on a bike. Holding onto the blanket as she ran her fingers through her hair she slowly turned to the source of the noise. Her eyes finding a naked torso, slowly trailing her eyes up their form.

Lia couldnt help the small gasp as she made eye contact with Drew Torres, all the memories of the night prior hitting her at once. Every little touch, every word, emotion flooding back. Her head falling as she fell back against the headboard, not knowing what to say. Her mind flooding with all the consequences of what they did, but something within her still feeling on fire as she recounted their entire night.

drew can't help but gaze at the girl, giving her a soft smile, before running hands through his brunette hair, and sitting down on the side of the bed. the room is half trashed, and he wonders if they had sex here too, before shrugging it off as an ‘of course’. looking at the home screen of his phone again, he finds that it’s 9:24 AM, and they’re expected to be checked out by noon. he scratches the back of his neck, before giving lia another once over, catching the hickeys painted onto her neck. “did we?” he asks, motioning to himself then her, doesn't specify, but they both know what he means.

she brought her head back up, giving him small smile as well, glancing around for any shirt she could find quickly. her eyes taking in the state of the room, bottles and empty blunt packages scattered around. she knew what they did, her mind racing as she thought of all the things that could go wrong. she didnt know how many times they had sex, but she did know her legs were killing her, and it was gonna be a fun walk to the elevator. her eyes caught his gaze, chuckling softly at his words, her hand coming to run through her hair, as much as she could anyway. The blanket falling from her shoulders ever so slightly, "I think we did," She spoke, biting her lip softly as she processed her words.