#this has no reason to evoke the kind of emotional response from me that it does

[iwonderwh0]

Does android's joints require lubrication? Imagine maintaiance of an android requiring manual lubrication even of something like their spine.

Exposed back panel with each individual vertebrae visible, tangible. The fact that android can't really reach their own hands in a way necessary to lubricate their spines. The accidental intimacy it requires...

[isan0rt]

I think one thing that really sticks with me in interpreting how Dark Road shapes Xehanort is the fact that Xehanort truly was raised to believe himself to be the only one truly strong enough to do what needs to be done to save the world. An interesting thing I think is to look at the way Xehanort’s apparent perception of Baldr changes after his world tour...but not really the crux of his feelings about Baldr, which is that I truly think he sees Baldr as pathetic, in both senses of the word.

Before the tour, Baldr evokes pathos from Xehanort. He feels sorry for him; he takes the time to leave flowers on his grave, but crucially, does not actually express regret for killing him. What he expresses is that he thinks this is the best outcome for Baldr; 

Xehanort: Baldr... Now you and your sister will always be together. You'll always have the light to share.

Killing Baldr was a mercy, from Xehanort’s perspective. Baldr wasn’t strong enough to handle the Darkness. He wasn’t strong enough to face a world of nuance alone. Not like Xehanort, who is determined to be strong enough. Who was born to be strong enough; who then decides to prove he’s strong enough by removing his armor in the space between worlds. 

Then, there is the comparison between Baldr’s dying words, and what Master of Masters and Xehanort express before and after his world tour:

??????: Let me guess... You thought your heart was strong enough to withstand the darkness in there.

??????: Human emotions are complex. For example, what you feel toward someone you love isn't always good or well-meaning. It can be a false kind of light. Which begs the question: are these messy feelings that emerge from love still light? Or are they darkness?

Baldr’s love for Hoder was a false kind of light. It was one that smothered, one that made her responsible for his well-being. Baldr can’t separate his own feelings from other people’s; his worldview is completely self-absorbed. Other people are having feelings at him; Hoder is there to spread her light at him. He can’t see beyond his own pain and his own needs, and what love he has for Hoder is really about what she can do for him; a love that isn’t good, or well-meaning, but toxic for both of them until it kills them both.

Xehanort knows this. His experience, as Master of Masters asks about, tells him this; he saw first-hand how that false love destroyed both Hoder and Baldr, and their classmates as collateral damage.

Baldr’s last words have this to say:

Baldr: Xehanort... Do you see now? There's them...and there's us. When we find the strength to pursue our goals, they condemn us, insisting that our strength comes from darkness.

Then Xehanort goes on his world tour (and it seems strongly implied that he travels to the future during this time, experiences Dream Drop Distance and Kingdom Hearts 3, and comes back with those memories erased, but changed by the experience);

Xehanort: Those who are weak, and who desire greater power, simply strip the strong of their power, and convince themselves they've earned it. That's how people become tainted by darkness. They believe what they want to believe, using hollow reasons as justification. They repeat this cycle, and their darkness grows.

??????: So you're saying the weak feel the need to justify their actions to maintain a sense of self. Can't let that slide?

Xehanort: No, it's better they be ruled by darkness. People carry delusions of having power, but it's a lie. 

Baldr is the sheep pretending to be a wolf, slaughtering their friends to build his own power through the act. Baldr no longer evokes ‘pathos;’ now, for Xehanort, he is the other definition of ‘pathetic;’ “miserably inadequate, of very low standard.” Xehanort’s opinion is now that Baldr was too weak to handle being weaker than Hoder, being weaker than his classmates, so he killed them all, and pretended that made him strong. He told himself lies about how they were feeling things at him, and how that justified what he chose to do.

Xehanort looks down on him. Xehanort will be better than him. Xehanort is truly strong, he believes; all his life, he’s been practicing control. Managing his own feelings. Keeping them separate from those of others, not allowing them to be tainted by the emotions around him. Being flawless, to be the change he was born to be. He will do what’s necessary to make sure nothing like Baldr can ever happen again, and he won’t let feelings get in the way. It’s the reason for his existence, after all.

What comes next is too important.

[lostanddancing]

SKZ-Replay Reaction

This was so much fun. Because I'm so new to Stray Kids and haven't had a chance to listen to much of their older Replay stuff yet, this whole album was 90% new material for me. Such a treat!

These are my first reactions to my initial listen through. I have absolutely no doubt that some of these are going to end up on my 2023 Spotify Wrapped. :D

So darn cute, I love this. The way they hype each other up is heartwarming in the best way.  I also like the use of their voices in this. It gives all of them a chance to shine.

Fun and catchy song. I have a feeling this one is going to get stuck in my head. It's really great to have a full song of Chan's gorgeous voice!

I love this song. I just… As someone who has lost loved ones, and is currently praying a friend through a loss, it speaks to me. I adore how it ends so abruptly. Lee Know's vocals and emotion are heartwrenching.

This song is so Changbin. Hard hitting and giving no quarter, but not with out his humor. With a similar theme to Maniac, but I like that it's focused on creativity. The repetitive "doodle" is a little annoying, but in the context of the song, I don't really mind. I would kill to see him perform this!

Why do they have to keep breaking my heart? There is so much here. I had to go back and re-listen again. There is so much grief and love here.

"Maybe my universe was bright because of you

I never lost my smile in it

But now, in this dark world without stepping on a shadow

Drawing you is my only day"

Damn Han. How did you manage to write a feeling I have struggled with so much in the last few years? I'm at least 20 years older than you. But that feeling of oppression, the desperation to just break loose and leave. The longing to just escape, regardless of the consequences to my family and responsibilities. Ouch.

"If I pretend to be sick, will I be able to sit down?"

Boy, who hurt you? Let me at 'em

Also, that was all Felix? That boy's range is incredible, and I'm going to be listening to that song over and over just because of that alone. It's also just lovely musically. I'm impressed!

This one might be my favorite to listen to so far. Seungmin's voice is just gorgeous, the style and the incorporation of the piano that suits it perfectly. The theme of hanging onto the happy memories even when someone is gone or a relationship is over is lovely. I just need more of his voice in my life. He works hard, and it shows.

Nevermind, this is my favorite to listen to. So sweet, kind, healing after the rough emotional run of the last few tracks. I.N.'s voice is darling. He made me smile. He made me want to go hug someone I love, so I think that's a success.

This is so beautiful. I just can't get over how lovely all of their vocals are. I NEED more vocal work from Changbin and Felix. It also makes me a little sad because fans can be so very unreliable (also thirsty in all the wrong ways), and as sweet as the song is as a love song for the fans, it kind of feels undeserved.

The kind of song that dragged me into loving Stray Kids. Powerful, unapologetic, masculine. I can't help but feel like they've earned this one more since they first released it. Not that they weren't working hard before, but they have proven everything they stated in this song over and over. Also, not to be a Changbin simp, but his growls in this rattled my bones.

Han just has a way of capturing inner monologue and feelings so dang well. This piece brought me back to my very first phone call with my husband. We met online and had never even heard each other's voices before. I was so nervous, I felt JUST like this song describes. Also it's just beautiful, and his voice is so warm it makes me happy.

I've heard this one before, and wow. There's a reason it's a classic among the fans. The theme, the music, Changbin's ability to evoke the raw emotion needed. I am stunned again at how good this one is.

This one hit hard. I have a close family member who has dealt for years with emotionally abusive family relationships. This song sounds so much like the constant battle of love for the person, longing for reconciliation, and resignation to the reality of the brokenness of the relationship. Also, Bang Chan's voice cut deep.

Aside from Han just being phenomenal as always, this is just fun to listen to. I think I need to explore the lyrics more, because they don't hit me personally as hard as some others. Not that it makes the song bad or below par, because it probably does that for others, just not me. I will likely listen to this one a lot because I enjoy the rap and the music, but not as much because I identify with it.

I watched the MV for this without subs and before I had any idea what it was about. It was immediately clear to me that it was about a beloved pet, and it makes me cry. Hyunjin's music and vocals are so beautiful and sweet.

This one is a bit of a whiplash after "Miss You" but I love it. It's so unserious, so funny, and the perfect youngest sibling anthem. I love Changbin's "I raised you that's why you're cute" moment because I've said similar things to my baby siblings many times over the years!

Han hitting the sore spots again. Back off, dude. I need to BREATHE. I found this piece particularly interesting in that the rest of the song absolutely contradicts the intro. I have a lot against the whole "you can be anything you want" trope, and the lyrics just destroyed it. It's hard to be anything you want when what you want is to not be lonely anymore.

I've heard this one before, but I don't think I paid much attention to the lyrics. It's so sweet, so kind. The song I'd sing to my loved ones if I could. Changbin and Felix's voices blend so well together.

"Sometimes I even hesitate to smile brightly

Because I'm afraid that the batteries of the bright light might run out"

This song is so comforting. I love the determination, the insistence on holding someone even during their dark times. These two sound so perfect together!

Pretty sure I've heard this one before too. I know everyone loses loved ones in their lives, so it's stupid to think these boys haven't, but songs like this make me wonder who they lost that hurt so badly. Grief makes for beautiful music, but I wish it didn't have to happen to anyone.

Han, honey. The angst is strong with this one. I don't think they're coming back.

We get it guys, you are insomniacs. :D Seriously though, this is such a fun piece, and I'll be grooving to it a lot!

NOT about driving. But soooo catchy. Such a bop.

One of my favorites to listen to. Just so mellow, and Hyunjin's voice is so warm and delightful. I love his lyricism.

This whole album was such a treat, I have had it on repeat since it came out, and I don't think that's stopping any time soon!

[tsunderedoctor]

For matchups:

I’m not actually sure what my MBTI type is. It’s either ISFP or INFP. Tests give me both as a result and I relate to both. Last test I took gave me an ISFP.

I would say I’m an idealist, but not a typical one; I’d like to think I see pretty easily what’s wrong with people, or the universe in general when I observe. This may be due to my tendency to take everything personally. This could also lead me seeing someone’s flaw or mistake as a betrayal. It’s also reflected in my decision making; instead of logic, practicality or interest, I evaluate a thing or situation based on what emotions it evokes in me.

I usually shine in situations where empathy is needed, but my anxiety can also easily take over me. This results in me avoiding extra challenges, and I may leave my duties to the last minute to avoid negative emotions. My idealism creates a lot of positivity and gullibility on my emotional scale, I am stressed by regulations and responsibilities. However, I don’t think that negative emotions are an obstacle to my goals all the time, as I’m not particularly ambitious, at least in the typical sense of the word. While it may sound cliché, I typically put my own well-being and happiness ahead of materialistic goals.

I thrive best as being an observer and encourager, relatively far from being the center of the attention. I have a limited but close circle of friends, that supports my introvertism. These friends are really important to me, to the point where I can even get jealous. I haven’t been in a romantic relationship, but I can imagine that it would be a same then.

While I may give a reserved first impression, you’ll soon figure out that I still have a need for other people. Other people and other phenomena in the world in general help me focus on reality and maintain routines. Without external phenomena, I can effortlessly use I imagination for fictional things, but on the other hand, I forget simple, worldly binding things like a regular diet.

My interests and hobbies do not create a very long list, which is because I treat them with long-term passion. But my main thing for years has been drawing. I think that’s actually my only hobby right now, it has been like that for years.

I don’t enjoy rapid change and too many options, but my imagination requires a relatively large amount of stimulation. This makes me look for a lot of different experiences, although I also like to stay in my comfort zone.

----------------------------------------------------------

Hopefully this gave you a some kind of idea what I'm like. Can't wait to see who you match me with!

We can definitely do that, please make sure to say please or thanks in the future! 💖

Baby 5

My queen! This woman understands the need to want others and be relied on! She too gets jealous when people get to close to her loved ones, but this is due to her own self-esteem problems and her lack of self. She cares deeply for the people who love her and will do anything to keep them safe and happy in the world!

She understands taking things personally, it might be a different reason, but the pain is still the same. She might not see betrayals as quickly as you, but once they are shown in the light she is quit to move on. If the person doesn’t care for her or want her, she won’t stick around for them either. 

While you may be in your imagination, Baby 5 can handle the outside world for both of you! She can fix you meals and remind you to drink water or to sleep when you get too caught up in the world.

Nami

Nami might be a hard cookie to crack, but once you get to know her and see her walls are up high so she doesn’t get hurt, do you see her true colors! She similar to the other two on the list, is an extrovert and will be best to bring you out of your introverted shell. 

She can be a bit harsh at times, but she truly means well and will never betray her loved ones, going as far as dying for them if needed. She will be perfect to help you get out of your comfort zone in a good way, and wants to help build your imagination, as long as you support her dreams, she will do the same for you!

Despite her extroverted persona, she also has a small group of friends she is close to. You two can share this similarity and have a tight knit group that you both know and trust equally. 

Brook

The lovely Soul King is a great addition to you! He is also extroverted, but unlike the other two he uses his skills in charisma to bring people together. He also understands the need for stimulation and works hard on his own imagination skills when he comes up with music and creativity.  

He might be a pervert, but he has a good heart and loves those closet to him. He handles insults and rude comments well, usually laughing them off and not minding them. If something does upset you, he doesn’t mind talking to the person or helping you fix the issue. 

Brook also might forget simple things too like eating or using the bathroom, but he will do his best to help you remember those tasks to keep you safe and healthy! It becomes his goal in order to help you do these tasks independently! 

[pianotuning-blog]

Is old antique piano worth being cared for?

Recently i received a phone call from a customer asking me if I could tune an old antique piano. She said: "I have been looking for a piano tuner near me and has had two piano tuners turned up and refused to tune my old piano." I asked her what was the reason they gave her for not be able to tune it. To my dismay, she said those piano tuners in Sydney merely opened up the lid and had look then told her it was not tunable. They didn't even mention any potential piano tuning cost. Have to say, this sounds to me is not good enough. At least we should treat our customers with respect they deserve. Old piano is surely tunable and not all new pianos are that easy to tune either. For many times I have come across pianos that was less than 30 years old but so difficult to tune, typically with a lot of loose tuning pins, very noisy overtones. I decided to take on this “ challege “ so I book her in for a tuning service the next day.

Having said that old piano is tunable, these old pianos indeed have some challenges to service and I kind of understand why some piano tuners would not want to spend time tuning them.Antique pianos are beloved for their rich history and unique aesthetic, but they often come with a range of challenges due to their age and wear, quite often they need expertise from piano tuner or piano technicians to carry out piano repair work or even a full piano restoration. Here are some common problems that owners of antique pianos may encounter:

Tuning Stability: Over time, the tuning pins and pinblock in antique pianos can become loose, leading to tuning instability. This can cause the piano to fall out of tune frequently, requiring more regular tuning to maintain pitch stability. Worn Action Parts: The action of an antique piano, including hammers, dampers, and other moving parts, can become worn and sluggish, affecting the touch and responsiveness of the keys. Replacing or refurbishing these parts may be necessary to restore proper functionality. Cracked Soundboard: Antique pianos may develop cracks in the soundboard due to changes in humidity and temperature over the years. These cracks can negatively impact the instrument's tone and resonance, requiring professional repair to mitigate the damage. Ivory Key Issues: Many antique pianos feature keys topped with ivory, which can become discolored, chipped, or loose over time. Ivory has been banned around the world so it is nearly impossible to replace damaged key tops with ivory. The only way to get hold of ivory key top is to salvage from old junk pianos. Most of the time those ivory key tops are replaced with modern plastic key tops. Structural Instability: The wooden components of antique pianos may suffer from structural issues such as warping, splitting, or loose joints. Addressing these problem require a lot of time and resources and often comes with a hefty cost.

Owners of antique pianos should always work with experienced piano technicians. Regular maintenance and proactive care can help preserve the beauty and functionality of antique pianos for generations to come.

Owning an antique piano is more than just owning a musical instrument; it carries with it a rich history and sentimental value that transcends time. Each scratch, worn key, and faded finish serves as a gateway to the past, preserving the memories and emotions of its previous owners. As I carefully tune these antique pianos, I often find myself marveling at the stories they hold within their elegant frames. These pianos have likely witnessed numerous family gatherings, heard the laughter of generations, and provided solace during moments of both joy and sorrow. They have been the soundtrack to countless life events, from weddings and birthdays to quiet evenings spent in contemplation. Owning an antique piano is a way of capturing a piece of history, connecting us to an era that is long gone but not forgotten. It serves as a tangible link to our roots, evoking a sense of nostalgia and bridging the gap between the past and the present. For many, inheriting or acquiring an antique piano symbolizes a cherished legacy, a tangible heirloom that represents the enduring love for music and tradition within a family. Moreover, the craftsmanship and unique character of antique pianos add to their intrinsic value. Each instrument is a testament to the artistry and dedication of the craftsmen who meticulously constructed it, often using techniques and materials that are rarely found in modern pianos. The resonance of the aged wood, the gentle patina of the keys, and the delicate intricacies of the ornate design culminate in a work of art that transcends its utilitarian purpose. In a world where everything seems to move at an accelerated pace, the presence of an antique piano serves as a gentle reminder to slow down and appreciate the beauty of the past. Its enduring allure lies not only in its melodic notes but also in the profound emotions and memories it invokes. It stands as a silent witness to the passage of time, a treasure to be cherished and passed down through generations, ensuring that the legacy of music and sentiment perseveres.

[greenforsuredotpng]

7.12.2023 Synchronicity, 180 Studios

Hello Greener! This blog is kind of last minute, but nothing can ever be too late. My sister kind of out of nowhere took me to a random exhibition that I had no idea what it was about, but the minute I stepped in, I just thought, Oh sh*t, this is basically very useful for my research blog.

My sister TOOK ME TO AN EXIBITION THAT IS ABOUT ART AND SOUND VISUALIZER. I was like, "???????????????" to her. The entire exhibition got my jaw dropped to the ground several times.

The exhibition "Synchronicity" fills 180 Studios' underground spaces with amazing light, sound, and kinetic pieces that subvert our sense of reality. Visitors are immediately transported into a world where imagination knows no bounds. The captivating light installations dance across the walls, casting vibrant hues that seem to defy the laws of physics. The mesmerizing soundscapes envelop the space, creating an ethereal atmosphere that blurs the line between the physical and the metaphysical. Meanwhile, the kinetic sculptures come to life, moving in unpredictable patterns that challenge our understanding of movement and stillness. "Synchronicity" truly pushes the boundaries of what art can be, leaving spectators in awe of the limitless possibilities of human creativity.

But one of the pieces in particular is called Chromatic, which is literally an exploration of the interaction between color and sound with shapes and lines. The visual was programmed to respond to each piano note and to make out as an out-standing perspective room full of color and sound. I got very emotional for no reason while watching, but somehow watching shapes move along the rhythm did bring a lot of memories. I guess making music videos that co-response to the beat has always been my thinking; it just brought so much inspiration to me while watching it. The synchronization between the visuals and the music was truly mesmerizing. It felt like the colors and shapes were dancing to the melody, creating a harmonious blend of audio and visual art. The experience was so immersive that it transported me back to moments from my past, evoking strong emotions and nostalgia. It reaffirmed my belief in the power of multimedia to evoke deep connections and inspire creative ideas.

I was graceful to witness these pieces of virtual art. It felt like something that gave me motivation to continue working in music and visual art, something I had completely given up on as I had burned myself out ages ago, but seeing these virtual pieces reignited that passion within me. The creativity and talent showcased in these works made me realize that there is still so much to explore and create in the realm of music and visual art. It reminded me of why I fell in love with it in the first place, and now I am determined to reignite my own artistic journey and pursue it with renewed energy and enthusiasm.

[mediaevalmusereads]

A Dangerous Business. By Jane Smiley. Knopf, 2022.

Rating: 2/5 stars

Genre: historical fiction, mystery

Series: N/A

Summary: Monterey, 1851. Ever since her husband was killed in a bar fight, Eliza Ripple has been working in a brothel. It seems like a better life, at least at first. The madam, Mrs. Parks, is kind, the men are (relatively) well behaved, and Eliza has attained what few women have: financial security. But when the dead bodies of young women start appearing outside of town, a darkness descends that she can’t resist confronting. Side by side with her friend Jean, and inspired by her reading, especially by Edgar Allan Poe’s detective Dupin, Eliza pieces together an array of clues to try to catch the killer, all the while juggling clients who begin to seem more and more suspicious.

Eliza and Jean are determined not just to survive, but to find their way in a lawless town on the fringes of the Wild West—a bewitching combination of beauty and danger—as what will become the Civil War looms on the horizon. As Mrs. Parks says, “Everyone knows that this is a dangerous business, but between you and me, being a woman is a dangerous business, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise …”

***Full review below.***

Content Warnings: sexual content (including underage sex), spousal abuse, gore

Overview: I saw this book on a list of best historical fiction, and the premise seemed intriguing, so I picked it up. A duo of lady inspectors? Inspired by Edgar Allen Poe? Solving crimes in 1850s California? Sign me up! Unfortunately, I quickly found that it was nearly impossible to connect with the characters of this book, and even worse, I couldn't get invested in the plot. The reason had everything to do with Smiley's prose. I constantly felt like I was being held at arm's length and being told instead of shown everything in the narrative. On top of all that, I found Smiley's word choice to be too simple for my tastes and her syntax a bit awkward, so for those reasons, this book only gets 2 stars from me.

Writing: As I said above, Smiley's prose style did not resonate with me. Part of the reason was because Smiley was more interested in telling instead of showing, and another was that a lot of the character's thoughts and feelings were so mediated that I felt kept at arm's length. Smiley had the tendency to tell the reader point blank what characters were thinking and feeling ("Eliza was sad"), which meant that I didn't feel trusted to put things together on my own. Smiley also seemed to like using phrases like "Eliza thought that..." or "Eliza sae that..." Combined, these techniques gave me the impression that I was reading something almost middle grade or YA, but the story is very much for adults.

Moreover, there were some technical things about Smiley's prose that just didn't feel very well done. For one thing, Smiley uses a lot of very simple, basic descriptions - things like "her skin was dry" or "the body was wrinkled." There was little done to evoke an emotional response; everything was matter-of-fact and overly simplistic. Unfortunately, this also meant there was no mood, suspense, or anything else to keep me invested in the story.

Lastly, the simplistic word choice also meant that a lot of dialogue felt stiff. Whenever characters would converse, something didn't quite feel natural, and moreover, I never got the sense that Smiley was building any sort of emotional intimacy (not even between Eliza and Jean). As a result, it was incredibly difficult to feel invested in character relationships.

Plot: The plot of this book follows Eliza Ripple, a twenty-something year old prostitute who works to solve a series of murders in Monterey, CA in the 1850s.

What I appreciated about this plot was the way Smiley didn't demonize sex work. Eliza and her friend Jean (a fellow prostitute) seem very happy as sex workers, and it allows them an independence that they didn't have before. Eliza in particular finds it very liberating after being subject to abuse from her late husband, and I appreciated that her madam, Mrs. Parks, was supportive and didn't force them to take clients they didn't want.

That being said, there wasn't much else about the plot to get me hooked. There isn't a sense of urgency or suspense when Eliza is investigating the murders, which means that they don't feel very consequential or have much effect on Eliza's life (other than being a curiosity). Indeed, more time is spent showcasing Eliza's day to day life than her investigation, so the murders themselves didn't instill in me a sense of dread or make me feel Eliza was in any danger.

Moreover, the way Eliza goes about solving the mystery isn't exactly clever, which meant that I felt like Smiley was creating a mystery for younger readers. Eliza seems to go after "clues" that don't make much sense and she has little justification for doing so (for example, she sees a man hitting his wife so she decides to look for his footprints - why? What about him possibly connects him to the victims, especially when spousal abuse is common in this world?).

Lastly, I kept feeling like Smiley was trying to make some kind of commentary, either about being a woman or about slavery, but both topics were handled so simplistically that the effort didn't quite feel genuine. Characters talk about being women or about the morality of slavery, but the plot doesn't quite explore any of these topics (so, for example, the murders could be a commentary on misogyny in sex work, but Smiley doesn't really look too far into that). This also made a lot of the book feel YA or middle grade, since the message was so simple and without nuance.

Characters: Eliza, our protagonist, is sympathetic in that she is the victim of spousal abuse, but other than that, it was difficult to feel connected to her. Because of the prose style, I didn't feel like I was being invited to experience the world along with Eliza, but instead, I was being told about it and with very little emotional effect. On top of that, Eliza didn't strike me as particularly intelligent or clever, so I didn't quite understand why she was the one to solve the mystery of the Monterey murders. It wasn't even justified by saying her job makes her more "street smart," so to speak. Instead, she felt rather naive and depended on her friend, Jean, to navigate the world.

TL;DR: A Dangerous Business suffers greatly from an abundance of telling over showing, a poorly constructed mystery, and a not very bright protagonist. Though I appreciated that sex work was respected and that the novel tried to say something about women and slavery, none of the themes ultimately landed because the novel felt simply constructed, as if for a much younger audience.

Jean, Eliza's friend, is a little more interesting because she has the courage and agency to go after "clues" herself. Jean claims to be able to see ghosts and is incredibly curious about the murders to the point where she pursues leads on her own. Compared to Eliza, who goes to places to look for footprints for no reason, Jean has motivations that feel a bit more logical, and I think I would have much preffered a story where Jean was the Sherlock to Eliza's Watson.

Secondary characters were ok. I found the variety of Eliza's clients to be somewhat interesting, but Smiley didn't seem to be interested in using that variety to make a grander point or integrate it into a thematic aspect of the novel. Mrs. Parks, the madam, was fine, if a little boring. It's hard to really say whether or not any secondary character is well done because the prose and the plot are so simplistic that the characters feel listless.

[ravetaper]

CAPOZZI Live Set December 2022 Downtown LA

This is a 68-minute audio recording of Capozzi live set 12-3-2022 in Downtown LA. The event took place at 1720 E. 16th Street in Los Angeles. The set started at 11:15 pm.

Rave Tapes · CAPOZZI Live Set December 2022 Downtown LA

YES!! I got it! I got a recording of Jordan Capozzi playing an intimate warehouse in my hometown of Los Angeles! 1720 is a smallish concert venue situated on a dark, grimy corner in LA's warehouse district. It was what I imagined to be an ideal venue to see Capozzi. The atmosphere outside was ominous but thrilling, just like Capozi's music.

I wasn't sure how the recording would come out. My recent recordings from Exchange LA – one of the city's premier EDM venues – sound rough. The acoustics in that room are boom-y, and the sound system is hit or miss. Sometimes it's tuned nicely, sometimes it sounds off. Same with the Hollywood Palladium. Bigger names play that spot, but the sound system always seems underpowered. Recordings from those two venues are often barely passable.

The sound at 1720, on the other hand, was good! Loud but clean with plenty of low end. It's not a massive venue, so getting to the sweet spot between the hanging speakers wasn't a problem. The result is a recording that's too good not to share.

The crowd was lively af. Recurring screams, hoots, and whoop-whoop disco calls expressed the crowd's overflowing excitement.

The show itself was blissful. It proved that Capozzi's set at EDC LV 2022 was not a fluke. This girl has serious talent. While her mixing skills are solid (more on this later), she really shines in selecting tracks.

There are several factors that define a good dj. The main criteria include technical skill, mastery of the gear, knowledge of the music, and ability to read a crowd. In reality, those elements aren't too hard to learn. Modern dj gear can automatically match beats. Countless YouTube videos teach novices how to transition from one track to another. But the one skill that can't be taught – is selection, knowing which tracks to play, in which order.

The bass house field is crowded with players. Some have been around for years and have significant followings. I've listened to quite a few. Many are good, very good. Capozzi belongs in the top echelon of bass house deejays. I say this because Capozzi's track selections are extraordinary.

The main criterion for my fandom is whether a dj's selections move me. Do the songs evoke some kind of emotional response, or not? Is there something in the track that is sonically interesting? It could be a compelling melody, a creative use of effects, a hypnotic pattern of chords, inspired lyrics and vocals, etc.

I have an easy litmus test. If I find myself saying numerous times during a set "holy crap I can't believe what I am hearing; this is one of the coolest things I have ever heard!" then I know it's a good set and I like the dj. Pretty simple. However, lots of sets by big dj's are mixed – they have good parts as well as parts that drag on a bit, or just don't feel inspired. They don't move me.

For some reason, Capozzi's selections push all my buttons. Yes, the tracks have that medium tempo and shuffle groove I love. But more importantly, there's soul in the selections. There's heart, there's funk, there's something unique that makes each track memorable. There are also no "filler" tracks in Capozzi sets. Each track she plays brings something juicy to the table.

And I should note here that this music is straight up bass house – the sub-genre to which I've recently become addicted.

For me, bass house represents a perfect culmination of EDM's best musical elements. It has a moderate tempo, clocking in around 126 beats per minute. Not too fast, not too slow. The rhythms are often syncopated with "swing" or "shuffle" patterns – giving them an upbeat and danceable groove. The synth-heavy instrumentation is reminiscent of techno. Rarely will congas, pianos, or rhythm guitars be heard – the sounds of traditional house music. Bass house composition is minimalist yet compelling. Naturally, rumbling sub-bass is ever-present. Good bass house tracks can be incredibly intoxicating.

Good bass house tracks. That's the key. Not all dj's are as skilled at picking good bass house tracks. And that's exactly where Capozzi excels.

Capozzi plays a track with the lyric: "rate...my...selection!"

Sure. I'll rate your selection. This one was 10/10, again!

Purists will appreciate how Capozzi matches beats manually, by ear, the old-fashioned way. I know this because I can hear it in the mixes.

Personally, I am ambivalent about sync. I see nothing wrong with using technology to make the dj's job easier. But some old-timers insist beat matching must be done manually to be considered a "real dj".

Right or wrong, those traditionalists would be satisfied with Capozzi's methods. Not every mix is perfect, but to old school heads, that's perfectly ok. The issue isn't getting out of sync. That happens to everyone who beat-matches manually. The issue is how a dj handles it, how the dj gets back into sync. Capozzi mixes like a long-time veteran – she manipulates the tempo faders and nudges the jog wheels to align the beats, or accelerates the transition into the new track. Standard dj procedure, really. No big deal. However, I chuckle to myself because I'm amused (and amazed) that Capozzi chooses to mix the traditional way. It's a sign of chutzpah and tenacity. I love it.

But damn, this set was so fun, so satisfying. I had perma-grin from start to finish. Several times I pinched myself as I realized how amazing it felt to be at a Capozzi show, live and in person.

I haven't felt this much enthusiasm for an artist for a long time. It reminds me of the fanaticism of Grateful Dead followers, some of the most diehard fans. Like them, I hung on to every note, curious to know which song was coming next. Certain songs have become recognizable, signature tracks. Like a committed Deadhead, I cheered when I heard familiar tracks fading in:

All Eyes on Me by Capozzi

Selection by No Signe

Kick a Hole in the Speaker by Capozzi

I'm glad I made the effort to get this one. I already know I will savor this recording for a long time. I must have listened to the Capozzi EDC 2022 set 50 times. I've been craving new material. This provides the fix I needed.

I'm stressing about when the next show will be. Countdown NYE wasn't in my plans. The venue is far out of the way, it's in a sketchy neighborhood, it gets packed, and lots of other reasons. I also usually spend new years eve with family. But. Capozzi. Is. Playing. Uggh! Still not sure what I'm going to do for that one.

Well, at least I have something to keep me satiated for a moment. I'm sure I will play the crap out of this set, blasting it at home and in the car. I just hope it doesn't take me 6 months to make it to another Capozzi set.

Buy Capozzi music on Beatport!

Follow Capozzi on Instagram!

Follow Capozzi on Spotify!

Here are some not-great images from the show:

Official Insomniac flyer:

[28-11s]

hello, my darling! the blog update came as a very welcome surprise. funnily enough, at 3:37, i suddenly woke up; i believe my body sensed that you were writing to me. i read the message several times throughout the day since, as you said, i enjoy reading your padlet posts, especially when they deal with relatively serious subjects. it's always fascinating to see you share your thoughts on various topics, it helps me see new sides of you. honestly speaking, i do like to use the blog to simply let out my thoughts, and i never expect a response, especially because it feels like i’d be burdening you by asking you to acknowledge my messy train of thought. BUT i love it when you share your experiences and viewpoints, because it enables me to shift my "philosophy" and see things from a different perspective. it's wonderful to have someone pull me back down to earth, because you know i tend to overreact, magnify minor issues, and throw myself into a pit of worry. being someone who despises change and has a natural fear of restriction is understandable; in a way, we are both control freaks. hehe. but i think i simply hate not having control over people… not knowing if and when they'll change, not knowing how they're feeling, and not being able to /maintain/ the same relationships. it’s all too scary, and as a result i have problems relaxing and enjoying life. i don't mean to imply that i like manipulating others… i just don’t want things to change so i can stop worrying about all the possible outcomes. you know what you’re losing but you don’t know what you will find kind of deal. i am extremely, extremely greedy, and i think my aversion to change stems from my absurd worry of never again being able to feel joy. which IS absurd, because it’s impossible for me to never feel positive emotions again. most likely a trauma response? i never seem to be able to move on from anything, so even though it's been years, i still think about the individuals i’ve lost, the things i wish i could experience again, the things i’d do differently. maybe fear of change and regret go hand in hand. it’s just unfortunate  how even the smallest alteration can end years of love and make all the joyful memories insignificant. you know better than anyone else that despite my tendency to always appear optimistic, i am just a negative wreck when it comes to myself. it’s just really hard to think positive when the most normal thing in life makes you want to crawl in a hole. i understand what you mean, though, and that’s lovely way of thinking. it is also reassuring… i’ll always carry a small part of my former self, their experiences and the people they met with me, basically. this is exactly why i always search for comfort in this padlet. besides feeling like home, it helps me visualise my emotions. another one of my issues with change is the fact  that i NEED to see or hear something that can evoke feelings. i have a hard time experiencing things with only the help of my own memories, which is one of the reasons as to why i always end up here, or in one of your playlists, or your carrds, when i need inspiration. i’ll record every single word you say so i’ll never forget how i felt at the time. oh, before i forget! i wanted to (belatedly) thank you for your support with matcha. i was supposed to do it a few days ago, but i’ve been in a slump ever since, and i didn’t feel like talking to anyone lol. the ending was unfortunate, and honestly i will never forgive twitter for destroying weeks of hard work, but i’m so glad i got to experience that week with you, riku and winnie. you are truly my biggest cheerleader and fan, i still cannot believe YOU managed to reach 1k in less than 7 days; i did not lie when i said i cried a little because of your overwhelming support (and activity). being in a roleplay with you always makes the experience 12 times better, and mtc was the third roleplay in an year which is a new record for us! yay moonyal! 

i hope you will never apologize for writing long posts, those are my favourite ones and you know it. however, i will laugh at you for going ia because somebody flirted with you, and i will also ask for their username so i can send them threats. it’s scorpio season and i am not scared of beefing with strangers. glad you’re not cpdping with others, though. especially given the fact that i’ve been with my eyes glued to the screen for the past weeks looking for a picture we can use to cpdp as skz. i am getting sick of their faces, why did you give me this task ueueueueueueue. omg how is it 2am already HELPPP i’ve been writing for so long… well, i have to get up in a few hours so it’s time for me to go. thank you for acknowledging my vent honestly, it feels good to be heard, and it feels good to know that i am not the only person who experiences these worries. you always manage to make me feel better about myself. i guess i tend to forget that i am human, after all. i love you so much, i know there are certain things that we cannot control but i hope you will be in my life for a very long time. i hope you managed to get more than enough sleep last night? you went to bed really late… goodnight my love, i’ll go and sleep well! salutes. 

bats eyelashes. there is something incredibly attractive about your knowledge of mbti, btw. mbti bf and astrology bf.

[demonicheadcanons]

Obey Me Brothers + Little Affections

AN: Keep thinking about the little things each brother would do to express affection. Some warm fluffy stuff because we all need it. Enjoy!!

The hair drying one on Lucifer’s sparked this entire thing thanks

Lucifer

- Washing and drying your hair. You know if you get your hair washed at a hairdressers and they just. Go to town with a towel drying your hair? He finds it hilarious and loves doing that. You’ll hear him chuckle, unable to see him because your face is covered by the towel. He’s softer towards the end but initially when trying to get most of the excess water his only concern is not actually hurting you. He’s also genuinely trying to help, just having a little fun with it at the same time.

- Continuing on from this, Lucifer will ruffle your hair. If it doesn’t really upset you, he loves to make a mess of it, and he grins at you, your hair sticking out every which way.

- The second his brothers aren’t around, he seems to canonically love holding your hand under the guise of keeping track of you or comforting you. Its partially true - the MC gets into trouble easily, so its good to keep a hand on them. However, the comforting affect goes both ways.

- Sharing information with you implies a close bond (or at the very least, a strong curiosity, like when he hints at where Mammon’s card is / when he talks about the album) and it means Luci cares about you a lot. He likes to talk about his interests and introduce you to things he cares a lot about. A lot of the time this comes in the form of music, because it’s something he’s able to enjoy whilst still doing his work.

- Doing origami or other paper crafts together? Really relaxes him. It’s so peacefully intimate and cosy. You sit together at his desk, work documents hidden out of sight for now, and make whatever you can out of colourful little bits of paper. He likes making flowers, although he’d never say it out loud, but he makes you countless crowns with paper flowers of all different kinds. You walk in one day when he’s taking a break from work and he’s got paper cranes lining the entire length of his desk. He calls you over and puts one on your head for absolutely no reason before acting like it never happened.

- If no one else is around and he’s feeling a bit daft, he’ll sweep you up into his arms with no warning and just hold you like that, staring directly into your eyes with a daring and loving smile on his face. This happens most when it’s late at night and all the coffee he’s had is starting to wear off and he feels a little more relaxed and open. He’ll carry you to his room to cuddle, too, if you don’t have anywhere else you need to be. Just pray none of his brothers encounter you two because he’ll set you down on your feet immediately and he won’t help you up if you fall.

[[Other Brothers under the read more]]

Mammon

- Fist bumps!!! He passes you and holds his fist out, and pouts if you don’t immediately bump your hand into his. Do the snail or turkey thing once and he falls in love with it. Lucifer, tired and stressed after a lot of work, decides for once to go along with giving him a fist bump because he’s too tired and no one else is around, and Mammon does the snail thing. The look on Luci’s face is worth everything that happened after. But when its you, Mammon just smiles and beams at you. He’s really happy.

- Sitting so close together that you can’t possibly move without disturbing the other. Sides fully pressed together even if he doesn’t have an arm around you or your hand in his. He likes the constant contact, it’s healing. So heavily invested in whatever you’re watching that the two of you simply don’t realise how close you are until the episode ends and you realise you’re leaning your full weight against him and his face is red but he’s smiling so softly you can’t bring yourself to move.

- You’ll have to start the habit, but, tackle hugs. You see him in the distance somewhere and sprint over and tackle him full force. He’ll act mad at first, especially if he trips and falls over or he’d been talking with someone else, but he holds onto you tightly and his face is beautifully flushed. After a while he’ll do it too, although he’s a lot gentler, but if you hear him call your name you need to turn around quickly and hold your arms out. He’ll lift you up into the air and twirl you around once or twice before just, going on with his day as normal. You hear his laughter as he walks away, bright and bubbly and confident, exactly as he should be.

- The absence of insults is important for Mammon. He’ll tolerate it if it’s every now and then but he’ll really notice if you’re always kind to him, he pays attention and holds tightly on to every compliment you give him. When he feels low he finds you and holds you in his arms, fingers playing with the loops in your jeans, as he recites off every nice thing you’ve said to him, hoping you’ll reaffirm them. Did you mean it when you said he was one of the most caring people you’d ever met? When you said his eyes made you feel at home?

- He likes feeding the crows with you. It’s something he does without telling anyone, but one day he takes you out along with him and the crows take a liking to you instantly. He likes how you look with his crows standing proud and confident on your arm, your hair a mess from their flapping wings as you laugh and try to get the last bits of food out from the bag.

- If you style his hair and put random accessories in it - anything from silly plastic hair clips to flowers to feathers - he’ll keep them in all day. He doesn’t care who sees because his MC spent their time doing this for him, and he’s happy to tell anyone who dares criticise him.

Leviathan

- He’s awkward with any affection at first, but he actually builds up to quick tight hugs when he’s really happy. If he’s incredibly excited - just won tickets for something, or some idol liked his comments - expect to be tackled in a hug. He gets flustered after, but if you hold tightly onto him he won’t let go immediately.

- If they even vaguely relate to his own interests, Levi will try hard to be invested in anything you really enjoy. For example, he’ll watch your favourite shows with you or try and read things you enjoy, etc.

- At the same time, Levi will share his interests with you. It’s not something he can really avoid doing as it’s ingrained in him to ramble about his special interests, but it will come in seemingly smaller forms - for example, he’ll hand you his headphones one day, blushing, and ask what you think of this song, or he’ll show you a paragraph in a TSL book that has particularly good rhythm or evokes a lot of emotion. If he lends you his books or DVDs it’s practically a proposal.

- You two have full conversations with Henry as he swims about in his tank. About silly and pointless things or very serious topics, from jokingly scolding him to venting about the future and about school and such. It warms Levi’s heart.

- Horn pats. When he’s in his demon form, pull him down to your level and pat his horns. He’s so flustered he can’t move the first few times, but one day he’ll start coming up to you and asking you if you want to do it. He likes being able to be in his demon form, and likes that you’re comfortable with him even when he doesn’t look as human.

- When he’s very comfortable with you, he likes to wrap you up in surprise hugs and laughs if you try to squirm your way out of his grip, a brilliant mischievous glow in his eyes, any self-consciousness long forgotten.

Satan

- I’ve said this before on another post but Satan likes to pet your hair and run his thumbs over your palms, pressing into them gently like he’s touching the pads on the paws of a cat. He traces circles and presses kisses into your palm and over each finger tip and knuckle, like it’s his own form of worship.

- It takes a long time to build up the confidence to do so but I can see him like. Playfully nipping at your skin if he presses light kisses against your shoulders or neck. If it makes you laugh or blush he smiles against your skin.

- If you fall asleep somewhere he’s the first person to go get a blanket to throw over you - he’d rather just let you sleep if you’re somewhere safe instead of disturbing you to lift you elsewhere, and risking waking you up. Occasionally he’ll kneel down beside you and stay there with a book until you wake up, and he’s fallen asleep like that once or twice.

- Just. Talking. Laying down together and going from topic to topic, saying whatever crosses your minds with no filters and no judgement. Letting time pass by with the comfort of the other, laying on your back in the planetarium or library or in his room, wherever there aren’t books piled up. No responsibilities except to listen to the other, and every now and then you laugh and he feels like maybe this could be home.

Asmodeus

- Sharing things, whatever it is. Food, clothes, jewellery. Taking a necklace off and putting it on him because “this would go so well with your outfit,” or holding out your fork and telling him to try some of your food, it tastes heavenly. Perfume, as well, is a must - he wants the two of you to smell the same.

- Like Mammon, he likes to have some kind of contact with you at all time - holding hands, an arm across your shoulders, anything. But the main point of contact he truly adores is if he has his hands on the skin of your stomach or back, even in the most innocent way possible. If his arms are around you and you’re comfortable with it, he’ll tuck his hands under your shirt and trace shapes against your hips, stomach, back, lower ribcage. Wherever he can. It’s something he’ll do absentmindedly without everything thinking about it, and it recharges him when he’s low on energy.

- He actually really likes working alongside you, whether it’s school work or something related to a part time job, or a potential business idea. He’s smarter than anyone would give him credit for and he loves how you look when you’re deep in thought, trying to solve something, and how your eyes light up as you figure it all out. He’s not one to just give you the answer to things, so if he knows something and you don’t he likes to hint at it like it’s a game. When you guess the answer right he presses a kiss to the tip of your nose and beams at you.

- Late night phone calls where you talk about whatever’s keeping you awake. He doesn’t mind who’s calling who, he wants to ramble or listen to you at any given moment and he’ll give up his sleep if it means you can get something that’s bothering you off your chest. Similarly, there is no greater comfort for him than getting to complain to you about something or other, something that’s genuinely bothering him and that’s stuck in his head. He feels like it only disappears when you take a hold of it for him for a little bit.

Beelzebub

- Sharing food, obviously, means a lot to him. Feed him bites of your food, give him anything you don’t want, and he’ll love it. He especially loves if you share food that’s important to you in some way, and you’ll find him giving you little bites of his food too the closer you two get. It means a lot to him when people embrace the fact that he eats so much, instead of scolding him for it or making jokes about it.

- He really likes holding hands. Your hands are so small in his and yet you trust him not to injure them as you pull him along. He feels possessive sometimes but isn’t outwardly affectionate enough to do anything about it, and the last thing he wants is to make you uncomfortable. It’s the perfect thing for him.

- Stacking random things on the other. Sitting cross-legged in a park, pulling daisies out of the lawn that’s about to be mowed anyway and gently placing them into each other’s hair, on the other’s shoulders and laps. If you’re laying in his bed he’ll take random light objects off his night stand and place them on top of you. There’s no purpose and no intention, and yet it makes him smile and gives him butterflies, and he laughs if you glare jokingly up at him but let him continue.

- Run your hands through his hair, down the sides of his face, under his jaw. Anywhere. He melts in an instant, mouth slightly open as you poke his cheeks or tickle his neck and shoulders with feather light touches.

Belphegor

- Nap. On. Him. Any time, any where. Snuggle up to him, lean your head against his shoulder or bury your face into his neck or lay down on his lap and just rest. He blushes every time and it takes him a second to recover. Sometimes he’ll angle himself so he can lean against you two and he’ll fall asleep as well.

- He likes those kind of monkey hugs where you wrap your entire body around him and he can bury his face in your neck and hold on as tight as he wants. He’ll walk around like that until you get to the attic and he can throw you into his pile of pillows and blankets, and he flops down on top of you and clings onto you again, trying to hide his face because he’s smiling so wide his cheeks hurt.

- He loves playful, back and forth banter. He’ll tease you constantly, loves if you pout at him, loves it more if you retort with something and keep it running for a while before the two of you start laughing.

- Being childish. He’ll stick out his tongue at you or pull a sudden face and he expects you to do it back immediately. If you don’t he’ll poke and tickle you, telling you how disappointed and hurt he is.

- Headbumps! But not too hard. Gently bump your head against his shoulder to get his attention and he’ll pat it. Bonus points if you nuzzle into his hands then - he’s hard to fluster but you can hear him swallow as he starts to go red. You’ll immediately have all of his attention to yourself.

- Belphie is the king of silent conversations. The tiniest gestures, nods, tilts of the head. He can pick up on all of them, knows exactly what you’re trying to say without you saying it, to the point where sometimes you won’t even realise you’re not talking aloud.

[ailuronymy]

Thoughts on the new discourse? Warrior cats naming conventions and rank names being straight up stolen from native American people? So many people seem to be... Straight up leaving the Fandom or changing all of their fan content and it feels very performative and, people not actually thinking critically and just being scared of getting "cancelled"? I feel like your opinions on these matters are very informed and well written so I wanted to ask given that this blog main theme is, well, warrior cat naming system and that seems to be the main issue of the new discourse.

This is probably going to get long, since there's sort of a lot to say about it in order to talk about this whole thing fairly and constructively, because from what I’ve seen there’s a lot of hyperbole happening, and panicking, and disavowing this series and fandom, and so on, like you say, and also some people genuinely trying to have complex meaningful conversations about racism in xenofiction, and also probably some bad faith actors in the mix--as well as some just... stupid actors. Kind of inevitably what happens when two equally bad platforms for having nuanced discussions--i.e., twitter and tumblr--run headlong into each other, in a fandom space with a majority demographic of basically kids and highly anxious, pretty online teens. I don’t mean that as a criticism of fans or their desire to be liked by peers and “correct” about opinions, it’s just the social landscape of Warriors and I think it’s worth pointing out from the start.  

If I’m totally honest with you, if not for this ask, I wouldn’t actually be commenting on it at all, because none of this is going to impact this blog or change how I run it in any way. But since you’ve asked and frankly I do feel some responsibility to try to disentangle things a little for everyone stressed and confused at the moment, because I know a lot of people look to this blog for guidance of all sorts, I’m going to talk about what I think has happened here, and how to navigate the situation in a reasonable way. 

Quick recap for anyone blissfully unaware: from what I understand, this post (migrated over from a presumably bigger twitter thread) has got a lot of people very worried about Warriors being a racist and appropriative series, and now are trying to figure out what ethically to do about this revelation. The thing I found most interesting about this screenshotted conversation is that it makes a lot of bold claims, but misses some pretty surprising details (in my opinion). If you do look critically at what is being said, here’s a few things to notice--crucially, there are two people talking. 

Person 1 says that a lot of animal fantasy fiction + xenofiction (fiction about non-human/”other” beings, such as animals) is frequently built upon stereotypes of First Nations and Indigenous people, and/or appropriates elements of Indigenous culture and tradition as basically set dressing for “strange” and “alien” races/species etc., and this is a racist, deeply othering, and inappropriate practice. This person is right. 

I’ve spent years researching in this field specifically, so I feel pretty confident in vouching (for whatever that’s worth) that this person is absolutely right in making this point. Not only is it frequently in animal fiction/xenofiction, but it’s insidious, which means often it’s hard to notice when it’s happening--unless you know what you’re looking for, or you are personally familiar with the details or tropes that are being appropriated. Because of the nature of racism, white and other non-First Nations people don’t always recognise this trend within texts--even texts they’re creating--but it’s important for us all, and especially white people, to be more aware, because it’s not actually First Nations’ people’s responsibility to be the sole critics of this tradition of theft and misuse. Appropriation by non-Indigenous people is in fact the problem, which means non-Indigenous people learning and changing is the solution. 

Person 1 offers Warriors as a popular example of a work that has this problem. Notably, this person hasn’t given an example of how Warriors is culpable (at least in this screenshot and I haven’t found the thread itself, because the screenshot is what’s causing this conversation), only that it’s an example of a work that has these problems. And once again, this person is correct. We’ll look at that more in a moment.

Person 2 (three tweets below the first) offers, by comparison, several more specious insights. Firstly, it’s really, really not the only time anyone’s ever talked about this, academically + creatively or in the Warriors fandom specifically, and so that reveals somewhat this person’s previous engagement in the space they’re talking into re: this topic. In other words, this person doesn’t know what has already been said or what is being talked about. Secondly, this person explicitly states that they “[don’t know] much about warrior cats specifically but from what I see it just screams appropriation,” which as a statement I think says something crucial re: the critical lens this person has applied + the amount of forethought and depth of analysis of their criticism of this particular series. 

I’m not saying that using twitter to talk about your personal feelings requires you to research everything you talk about before you shoot your mouth off. However, I personally don’t go into a conversation about a topic I don’t know anything about except a cursory glance to offer bold and scathing criticisms based on what it “just screams” to me. By their own admission, this person isn’t really offering good faith, thoughtful criticism of the series, in line with Person 1′s tweet. Instead, Person 2 is talking pretty condescendingly and emphatically about--as the kids say--the vibes they get from the series, and I’m afraid that just doesn’t hold up well in this court. 

So now that there’s Person 1 (i.e., very reasonable, important, interesting criticism) and Person 2 (i.e., impassioned but completely vibes-based opinion from someone who hasn’t read the books) separated, we can see there’s actually several things happening in this brief snapshot, and some of them aren’t super congruent with each other. 

Person 1 didn’t say “don’t read bad books,” or that you’re a bad person for being a fan of stories that are guilty of this. They suggested people should recognise the ways xenofiction uses Indigenous people and their culture inappropriately and often for profit. My understanding of this tweet is someone offering an insight that might not have occurred to many people, but that is valuable and important to consider going forward in how they view, engage with, and create xenofiction media.

Person 2 uses high modality, evocative language that appeals to the emotions. That’s not a criticism of this person: they’re allowed to talk in whatever tone they want, and to express their personal feelings and opinions. However, rhetorically, this person is using this specific language--consciously or subconsciously--to incense their audience--i.e., you. Are you feeling called to action? What action do you feel called to when you rea their words, despite the fact their claims are not based in their own actual analysis of or engagement with the text? It’s, by their own admission, not analysis at all. Everything they evoke is purely in the name of “not good” vibes. 

Earlier I mentioned that Person 1 is correct that Warriors is absolutely guilty of appropriation of First Nations and Indigenous people and culture. I also mentioned that they didn’t specify how. That’s because I think the most egregious example is in fact the tribe, which in many ways plays into the exact kind of stereotyping and appropriation of First Nations Americans that Person 1 mentions, and not the clans, contrary to Person 2′s suggestion. For instance, in addition to the very loaded name of “tribe”, there’s a lot of racist tropes present in how that group of cats is introduced and how the clan cats interact with them, as well as the more North American-inspired scenery of their home. It’s very blatant as far as racism in this series. 

When it comes to the clans themselves, though, I think it’s muddier and harder to draw clear distinctions of what is directly appropriative, what is coincidentally and superficially reminiscent, and what is not related at all. Part of this difficulty in drawing hard lines comes from the fact that, on a personal level, it actually doesn’t matter: if a First Nations person reads a story and feel it is appropriative or inappropriate, it’s not actually anyone’s place to “correct” them on their reading of the text. Our experiences are unique and informed by our perspectives and values, and no group of people are a monolith, which means within community, there will always be disagreement and differenting points of view. There is no one single truth or opinion, which means that First Nations people even in the same family might have very different feelings about the same text and very different perspectives on how respectful, or not, it might be. 

I’m saying this because something that gets said very often when conversations of racism and similar oppressive systems present/perpetuated in texts comes up, people frequently say: “listen to x voices.” It is excellent advice. However, the less pithy but equally valuable follow-up advice is: “listen to the voices of many people of x group, gather information and perspective, and then ultimately use your own judgement to make an informed opinion for yourself.” It means that you are responsible for you. The insight you can gain by listening to people who know topics and experiences far better than you do is truly invaluable, but if your approach to the world is simply to parrot the first voice, or loudest voice, or angriest voice you come across, you will not really learn anything or be able to develop your own understanding and you certainly won’t be making well-informed judgements. 

In other words, one incomplete tweet thread from two people who are each bringing quite different topics and modes of conversation (or perhaps gripes, in Person 2′s case) to the table is not really enough to go off re: making a decision to leave a fandom, in my opinion. In fact, I think in responding to anything difficult, complex, or problematic (which doesn’t mean what popular adage bandies it about to mean) by trying to distance yourself, or cleanse of it, will ultimately harm you and will not do you any good as a person. It is better, in my opinion, to enter into complex relationships with the world and media and other people in an informed, aware way and with a willingness to learn and sometimes to make mistakes and be wrong, rather than shy away from potential conflict or fear that interacting with a text will somehow taint you or define your morality in absolutes. 

So. Does Warriors have racist and appropriative elements, tropes, and issues in the series? Yes, of course it does, it’s a book-packaged series produced by corporation HarperCollins and written by a handful of white British women and their myriad ghostwriters. Racism is just one part of the picture. The books are frequently also ableist, sexist, and homophobic (or heteronormative, depending how you want to slice it, I guess), just to name some of the most evident problems. 

But does the presence of these issues mean it’s contaminated and shouldn’t be touched? Personally, I don’t think so. Given the nature of existing the world, it’s not possible to find perfect media that is free of any kind of bias, prejudice, or even just ideas or topics or concepts that are challenging or uncomfortable. I think it’s more meaningful to choose to engage with these elements, discuss them, criticise them, learn from them, and acknowledge also that imperfection is the ultimate destiny of all of us, especially creators.

I’m not saying that as a pass, like, “oh enjoy your media willy-nilly, nothing matters, do what you want, think about no-one else ever because we’re all flawed beings,” but rather that it’s important not to look away from the problems in the things we enjoy, rather than cut off all contact and enjoyment when we realise the problems. That doesn’t mean you have to only criticise and always be talking about how bad a thing you like is either, publicly admonishing yourself or the text, because that’s also not a constructive way to engage with media. 

As I said, there’s a lot to say here, and believe it or not, this is honestly the shortest version I could manage. There’s always more to say and plenty I haven’t talked about, but pretty much tl;dr: 

I don’t find Person 2′s commentary particularly compelling, personally, because I think it’s a little broad and a little specious in its conclusions and evidence, and I also suspect that this person is speaking more from their feelings than from a genuine desire to educate or meaningfully criticise, unlike Person 1. That’s not to say Warriors isn’t frequently racist and guilty of the issues Person 1 is discussing, because it is, but I don’t think this tweet thread is a great source of insight into the ongoing history of this problem in xenofiction, or Warriors specifically, on its own. I would recommend exploring further afield to learn more from a variety of sources and form your own opinions. I hope this helps. 

[cancerjupiter]

🔥 fire moons 🔥

aries moon

Probably the simplest, most bluntly honest and emotionally direct of all the Moon signs, they tend to be single-minded when involved in their latest enthusiasm, not liking to be bothered (least of all by “emotional” distractions or someone else’s “personal needs”). Most of them will have thousands of such interests in their lives, each of which takes on a feeling of pressing importance and tremendous urgency … until they lose interest when the source of excitement is no longer new. Very action-oriented and thus often a bit pushy, they frequently react impatiently, even when they are not nearly so annoyed or irritated as others may assume from their explosive behavior. Aries above all needs new challenges throughout their lives. Often fearless, the one fear Aries Moon does have is fear of boredom. They always need a new challenge.

They are usually poor listeners, not just because of their obsessive self-interest but also because they tend to jump to conclusions (unless they have, say, lots of Gemini or Libra in their charts, in which case the result is people who can be superb at “active listening”—quickly grasping the essentials and energetically giving lots of instant feedback). Actually, as one perceptive woman with Aries Moon pointed out to me, they need to feel that they are not influenced by others, and therefore they appear not to be listening to others’ advice or observations. And yet, months later, they may inadvertently reveal that they heard it very well and even reflected on it and accepted it later.

Easily bored, restless, rather self-centered, they are by nature competitive—even though many of them don’t like to acknowledge it. They simply have to be the best at everything! As one woman wrote, “Two women I know with Aries Moon are domineering. They think they know all the answers, and that they are always right” (AQ). However, even though instinctively competitive, they do not tend to hold a grudge since they move on to their next interest so quickly—unless they see the other person as an enemy to their freedom who is trying to control or limit them. They are in fact extremely self-sufficient; they prefer independence and the freedom to act without restriction and rarely seek any kind of input from others.

Women with Aries Moon (or Sun for that matter) often use “toxic masculinity” at least in a gentle, non doctrinaire way, because they respect strength and competitiveness, and thus have little time for weeping and moaning from others.

Men with Aries Moon tend to expect a lot from women. In women it gives a strong sense of purpose and freedom.

A thirty-year-old female wrote the following about men with Moon in Aries:

“They seem to totally involve their attention in a very direct and powerful way in the scrutiny of new “data,” often to the extent of monopolizing conversations or others’ attention until their interest wanes or changes focus. They’re also very self-centered: their ideas, their action, their feelings come first, and they don’t usually have a lot of empathy for the needs or feelings of others; they’ll listen, but they’re not consistently good with feedback or support.”

Aries Moon can be outspoken and tactless. Their emotional reactions to stimuli seem raw, completely spontaneous and uncensored.

leo moon

Those with Leo Moon react warmly, generously, and often with enthusiasm and/or humor. There is a childlike simplicity about them, and in fact their notable pride often resembles that of a child as well. These people need recognition and demonstrative affection, and their pride is often hurt if such attention is not given in sufficient and public ways. Like all the fixed signs (Taurus, Scorpio, and Aquarius being the others), Leo is a sign of extremes; and it is therefore difficult to paint a balanced picture of their personal tendencies. They are often shallow and prone to flattery, and yet they have considerable personal integrity, which is not usually compromised. Needing to live up to a big and rather dramatized image of themselves, the Leo Moon person can be rather a show-off. But they do it with such innocence and high expectations that they are often forgiven for their tendency toward self-absorption and dramatization. In fact, it seems they are so in need of attention and so childlike themselves that in very few cases do they have room for children in their lives, even though they often have a natural way with kids and can be great parents. Although not a scientific fact, all the Leo Moons I can think of offhand have either no children or only one child.

They can be loyal, sometimes blindly loyal to the point of foolish behavior that has a negative impact on everyone concerned; and they can be generous (but they do not mind if others notice their benevolence). Shortsightedness is perhaps one of Leo Moon’s worst faults. Some “cannot see past the ends of their noses” and are so self-absorbed that they do not even notice others’ reactions to their sometimes obnoxious, grandiose behavior. This shortsightedness surprisingly extends to their understanding of their own potential. It has always amazed me how many Leo Moon people (with innate talents and ability in abundance!) sell themselves short and wind up worldly failures in comparison to what they had the ability to do. I cannot help but suspect that one reason for this is that their huge pride prevents them from ever listening to (or asking for) honest feedback about themselves. Perhaps they secretly fear that they are not quite up to their self-image. They are known for being insulted easily, so they naturally do not want to expose their fragile ego to criticism, no matter how well-intentioned. But unless they develop a deeper self-understanding and the ability to accept authentic personal communication from others, they may remain engaging in their earnestness and simplicity, but it can eventually wear thin, like a person who never grows up.

Leo Moon people have a capacity for encouraging others that can be extremely supportive and strengthening in a crisis. They can be as solid a support system as one could ever want, but in other cases they seem fanatically convinced that they are having a great, positive impact on others (regardless of the truth) and they want to be thanked for it. Being admired is a central need in many with this Moon placement. (Note that Leo Moon is much more passive than Leo Sun, who is usually busy creating and doing.) There is a deep-down feeling of needing to live up to an image of bigness and greatness, even if they wind up resenting others for not noticing all that they have given. In short, the vast range of Leo Moon personalities evokes extreme reactions, and they are probably included in anyone’s list of people whom one has either deeply loved or strongly resented! Note the extreme and varied qualities noted about Leo Moon in this questionnaire response:

“People with the Moon in Leo always like to be on top of things. They like attention and some can be easily appealed to through the ego. Moon in Leo makes for dynamic personal expression. These people tend to make their presence felt.… the person often tries very hard to make others see them as somebody special, getting mixed reactions from others. While tending to be somewhat opinionated these people can make good listeners, can be very concerned, very caring even if a little overbearing. Moon in Leo is gregarious, dynamic, and can be very creative.”

Another perceptive observation about them:

“Moons in Leo are emotionally melodramatic. They’re easily upset, and tend to get fixated on what they’re feeling, sometimes to the point that their feelings become a major issue in which everyone around them has to participate. They like the excitement of having everyone’s attention on them, even when the price for that is an argument or some kind of conflict. Once they’ve satisfied themselves that they have everyone’s full attention, they’ll usually happily drop the issue and magnanimously allow someone else the “spotlight.” They’re performers.”

sagittarius moon

Tolerant, broad-minded, with a buoyant attitude toward life, those with Sagittarius Moon are idealistic by nature and instinctively react with a philosophical attitude toward any setback, knowing that the future (not the past!) is what matters. They are most comfortable when exploring ideas, ideals, or outdoor places and love a sense of freedom without limits. The distant horizon is always felt as more appealing than the here and now. They particularly need mental freedom (including religious and spiritual room to improve themselves), since their aspirations are not just high but boundless. In fact, the term “upbeat” was invented by a Sagittarius Moon! As one Sag Moon woman always repeated as her mantra, “I see the glass as half-full, not half-empty.” They like to entertain groups of people with their humor. In fact, they want to say yes to every opportunity; they want to feel that life is unbounded by any limits, and so they tend to instinctively promise far more than they can ever deliver. They assume, I suppose, that everyone else forgets as many immediate details as they do, a habit that backfires when angry friends and colleagues confront them demanding to know why the promise did not follow through. As a questionnaire reply asserted, “A need to be all things to all people” characterizes Sagittarius Moon. Generosity and “bigness” are dominant factors in their lives and in their sense of reality and self-image.

Sagittarius is the sign most likely to be oblivious to the realities right in front of them that are obvious to everyone else, so focused are they on the distant goal. Since the road to hell is paved with good intentions, Sagittarius Moon people need to be sure that their goals and ideals are grounded in what is truly possible. They do need a large guiding vision to motivate them in life, but they also need periodic times of self-examination to assess whether they are themselves living up to their ideals. They like to preach to others (usually “helpfully,” in their view), but if something does not work out, well, that is not their problem. Sagittarius Moon people rather dislike the heaviness of daily “reality” and personal or emotional problems.

They have difficulty handling any criticism and often in fact become more indignant than any other sign—a pride that is usually hidden and often surprises others who take their positive, happy demeanor at face value. As Donna Cunningham wrote, “The things that set Sagittarius Moon people off are having one of their pet theories or convictions demolished”. This pride, manifesting at times as a rather exalted view of oneself (perhaps as the only one who can reveal the “truth”), is part of the dualistic nature of Sagittarius, the symbol for which is the centaur—half horse and half human. Sagittarius has the lifelong task of integrating their more idealistic nature with their more unrefined, impulsive, egocentric tendencies. At their worst, they are so proud of their “honesty” (sometimes viewed by other people as tactless bluntness) and of their own moral or intellectual righteousness that—unless more humble or sensitive factors are also dominant in the chart—they can be so uncompromising in their mode of expression that they are often perceived as inconsiderate and unnecessarily hurtful.

Perhaps the key for Sagittarius Moon people to feel authentically at home with themselves is to apply their honesty to themselves as bluntly as they express it to others! They often think too highly of themselves and want to project an admirable image to others. They like to feel idealistic and upstanding, but if they look at themselves honestly, they often have to admit that they are not as impeccably honorable as they like to think; for they can rationalize their behavior as well as anyone when it is convenient or advantageous to do so. Sagittarius Moon is thus a good example of the fact that how people feel about themselves (always directly related to the Moon in anyone’s birth chart) is not necessarily how others see them and their behavior.

A couple quotations from questionnaires can round out this description of Sagittarius Moon:

“Easygoing, gets along with and accepts strangers without discrimination—though sometimes self-righteous and snobbish. Independent emotionally, doesn’t seem to need so much from one as they can get from many.”

“Moon in Sagittarius can be very high-minded, they respond very actively to life. These people can try to push others or just be domineering in general. They can be a little pushy but this is generally out of enthusiasm. For both sexes, can be very direct. For men—very honest in attitude, they say what is on their mind. For women this is also a very blunt placement. Both sexes can often be tactless; they speak the truth as they see it and figure that others should just accept it no matter how hard it is to swallow.”

[oswinsdolma]

Yes, it's 2021, but I'm still not over the dark irony of Kilgharrah's final words, so I am going to analyse it, even though precisely nobody asked.

Firstly, Kilgharrah tells Merlin after his admission of failure that "all that [he has] dreamt of has come to pass". Now, obviously there is the irony of the fact that Arthur is dead, something that Merlin has been trying to prevent for the whole five seasons, yet the battle was victorious, people have seen magic as a force for good and Merlin can now be open about his gifts with his friends. However, there is an even deeper irony here that is rarely addressed, and this lies in the word "all". The problem is, that while Emrys is the entity that strives for magical inclusion and the one that fufils the prophecy. Destiny is not conscious: it doesn't understand life or death beyond the shallow ties of balance and mathematics. Yet Emrys may be a concept, and concepts need someone- or something- to take root in, and that someone happened to be Merlin.

Fundamentally, Merlin is not a bad person, but regardless of his power, his empathy, his loyalty, he is still unequivocally human. He has flaws, he has guilt, and no matter how dedicated he is to his destiny, there will always be other variables that come into play, and there is therefore no doubt that Merlin would have had other thoughts, no matter how insignificant, that lay opposed to his destiny.

Take when Freya died: Merlin was heartbroken, and in those seconds of emotion before reason took a hold once again, he may have wished, just for a moment, that Arthur and Freya's fates were reversed. And even after that, he would have hoped that one day, Arthur and Freya could live in a world where the other's existence is not a violation onto the other. And what place exists where harmony must ensue outside of the dead?

Then moving on to Balinor's death and Merlin's anguish in its aftermath: yes, he gained his powers as a dragonlord, but at the expense of a father he should have had a right to know. In that light, there is the inevitability of resentment for his gifts. Merlin would never have wanted the powers he attained had he known the price for them. And yet again, those tiny thoughts would have crept in: the wish that things could go differently, the wish that the business of dragons was not his to oversee, even at the time when his gifts were needed most. So the sick twist there is that when Merlin needed Kilgharrah, the only person who ever truly understood him despite their differences, left him alone, that wish came true.

There are hundreds of instances where Merlin's humanity prevented the prophecy from taking a favourable turn, and that, I think is what makes Merlin less a drama than a tragedy: there's the hope for a better ending combined with the constant prescence of an ending you don't want to believe. There's the fall at the ending and the warped sense of catharsis that comes with knowing that the end did come, even if it wasn't what you expected.

Following that, there is a pause in the conversation, as both characters take a second to mourn in silence, the absence of what united them showing them no longer as allies, but as friends.

Then: "no man, no matter how great, can know his destiny." This isn't so much something for Merlin to understand, but more something for the audience to hear: it's an echo of the first words we hear, and therefore a reminder that it is Kilgharrah who tells the story. Now this is an interesting narrative device in itself: why have him narrate rather than Arthur? Why Kilgharrah over Merlin or Gwen or Morgana? Take a second to imagine what it would have been like for the story to start with their voices, even if the words were the same. Especially when we know their endings, it gives the story a different tone and alludes to each of their fates in a different way. Though here is that terrible truth that the narrative comes back to every time if you analyse it far enough: each of the core four has a story, yet because of the way they were used, it will never be their story to tell. But Kilgharrah... He was just as important as the rest of them, but while the others were pawns, he was sat watching the game with a reluctant but omniescent eye, and that's what make that line hit so hard for us (aside from the fact that it is a taunting echo of the hope we had at the start). The story, while timeless, is dead, and we are all helpless spectators, hoping against hope that we are wrong about how it ends.

Furthermore, there is the fact that it is a repeat of the first words we hear when we still hold a little hope. It is that reiteration of the fact that the story will be told and retold, rewritten and loved but doomed to end in tragedy. It's an indication of the timelessness of certain tales and the permenence of endings no matter how much we want them to change, and it hits the mark every time.

Then, if it wasn't sad enough already, there is the final utterence of the phrase "once and future king". Kilgharrah says these words in hope, trusting Merlin to take it as a promise, but retrospectively there is the darkness of that line that Merlin probably knew all along, even if he didn't let himself believe it. In saying "once" rather than "now" right from the get-go, there was that quiet acknowledgement of an ending, even if it was followed by a beginning: it is yet another reminder to Merlin that he should have known, and that bittersweet reassurance that wherever he may have done, it would always have ended in disaster. Even if they both made all the right choices, the gods would have found another way to turn it down.

Okay, next let's look at "when Albion's need is greatest, Arthur will rise again". This, in all.effect, is a reiteration of the last phrase, made clearer for an audience who may need or desire reinforcement here so I'm not going to go too deep. But the thing is, Merlin already knows, at least in his heart, that it is Arthur's destiny to rise again and be the greatest king Albion has ever known. So when Kilgharrah says this, it is not a warning or a piece of advice, for perhaps the first time, it is a kindness. Merlin has been wrecked by his actions and those of all the others caught in the imperfect web spun and left to decay by the idea of Albion. It is a gentle reminder not to forget the reason for all that they have lost, and an olive branch of freedom for one who was so long enslaved.

And there again is that irony and cruel truth that while Merlin is the crucible in which that dream will be forged and has a certain autonomy over its nature, he is not a part of that dream himself, and maybe he never will be. Not unless someone lets him in, and all the people who would ever have done so are a breath too close to death for it to really count.

(I said I wasn't going to go too deep but I got carried away)(this is why my lit teacher is fed up with me)

And finally, the last line Kilgharrah says to us, perhaps the most powerful of them all: "the story that we have been a part of will live long in the minds of men". To analyse the words in this individually would be a rare insult to its complexity, but as a phrase, it evokes such an emotive response that it alone finally cements that finality in our minds. It's the cyclical acknowledgement of the audience's role in the narrative, simultaneously retracting and strengthening our suspension of belief. The one word I have used more than any other in this essay is "story" and this is why: the people who hear a tale such as this become just as important as the characters, because we are united by hope for the final chord but dreading it, because that means that the song will finally be over. Is it better for the embers to glow with tragedy or be extinguished by a deeper catharsis?

In summary, it is obvious to the naked eye that the Great Dragon's last words are loaded with meaning far beyond their initial appearance, and when you dive deeper, the web of connotations is so vast that this essay has barely scratched the surface. But the informal and perhaps most accurate theme that wa can draw from this is that none of us are over this show, no matter what we claim, because that ending really flippin' hurt, okay!?

[olivia-anderson-fanfic]

Stalker X Stalker, Part 4

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Perma tag: @nathleigh

Stalker x Stalker taglist: @aespades @jayjayspixiepop @blueslushgueen @fan-written @seraphichana @nerd-nowandforever

Marinette almost missed Hawkmoth. Sure, she ended up extremely emotionally repressed, but hey! At least her opponent was stupid, at least she never had to fear losing.

But, yeah, that was why she didn’t notice the fact that chloroform was on the floor. That was way too smart for a villain, in her opinion. Wasn’t Joker supposed to be insane or something? Why wasn’t he completely stupid like Hawkmoth had been?

Those were her last thoughts before her vision blacked out.

She blinked her eyes open one time while she was being transported, but… it wasn’t enough. Her head pounded, her limbs felt like lead. She tried to pull one of her arms away from the five goons carrying her around -- she giggled at how much effort they were going through to keep a half-conscious person down -- but it was too weak to even break their grip. She wasn’t going to be getting out of the situation anytime soon.

She rested her head back against the chest of whoever was carrying her head.

Her eyes fluttered shut without her permission.

It took a while for her to be able to open her eyes again, and when she did she was almost tempted to close them. She was tied up with Red Robin, hanging upside down over a vat of acid. Decidedly not a good situation to be in. Maybe she could ignore it for a little longer…?

She buried her face in the neck of Red Robin’s suit, using the cool material as a kind of cold pack to try and soothe her pounding headache.

… wait... Red Robin!

She had a bit of protection because of her mask covering her mouth and nose and miraculous immune system, but he was a human and both his mouth and nose were uncovered! Shit!

Marinette pulled back as much as she could to check his face and see if he was okay and then cursed the domino mask blocking his eyes from her view. What she could see wasn’t good, though: the skin of his face had broken out into hives where he had come into contact with the chloroform. Ouch.

She tried just poking the good parts of his face with her nose to get him to wake up, but clearly that wasn’t working. Alright, new plan.

“Red Robin?” She whispered.

Nothing.

“Red Robin Red Robin Red Red Red Red Red…”

She was pretty sure she was doing this annoying thing right. She didn’t have siblings, how could she know?

Wait wait wait, what was that one thing that his siblings always said to him?

“Reeeeed Robin, yum~.”

Not even that got a response? Damn, he must really be out of it.

Time for drastic measures, then.

She tipped her head back as far back as it could go and then slammed her forehead against his. This evoked a lot of swearing from both parties. Apparently, headbutting people doesn’t help headaches.

When her head stopped ringing as loudly, she peeked her eyes open. “Sorry, checking to see if you were alive.”

He gave about as much of a nod as he could. “It’s… I understand why you had to do it.”

She gave a tentative smile. “Right. Still, sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he assured her, then glanced down to see what they were working with. He bit his lip anxiously. “Ah, that’s not good,” he said after a few moments of consideration.

She rolled her eyes because, yeah, obviously. She didn’t say that aloud, it wasn’t productive, so she said: “I’m going to squirm. See if you can free your arms a little?”

“Do you think I have some kind of gadget in my gloves for every situation?”

“Don’t you?”

He hesitated. “I mean… yes, I do have something that could help us out of the ropes, but we are kinda over acid right now. How fast is your reaction time?”

She tipped her head from side to side with an awkward smile. “Not great.”

“Then maybe we should just wait for backup --.”

“Do you think they’ll get here before Joker does?”

“... you’re right. Start squirming --.”

“Wow, you two hate me that much? I’m hurt,” a voice cooed.

Marinette jumped out of her skin. She craned her neck to glare at Joker for scaring her…

And immediately regretted it. Why was his face not attached to his skull properly? Did he cut his own face off? Who even does that? Ew.

Red Robin scowled at him. “I can’t say we were all glad to hear you were out.”

“Red Robin...” she warned.

“Wow, not even old Batsy was happy to hear the news?”

“Nope. Didn’t say anything, actually.”

Joker’s smile wavered. “He didn’t?”

“Um, Red,” she tried again.

“Nothing,” he confirmed. “Not. A. Word.”

Joker didn’t seem to know what to do about this information. Batman wasn’t even paying attention to him? What was the point, then?

Marinette was also concerned about what was going on, but for a completely different reason. She leaned close to his ear and whispered: “Why are we trying to anger the psychopath?”

He gave as much of a shrug as he could while tied up. “If he’s talking he’s not trying to kill us.”

“And what if he gets angry enough to kill us?”

“He probably won’t.”

She winced. “Okay, I really don’t like your use of ‘probably’ there --.”

With both of their hands forced behind their backs, the only comfort he could really give was pressing his good cheek to hers. It shouldn’t have worked, but apparently life or death situations mess with your emotions.

“Just… trust me?” He pleaded quietly.

She sucked in a deep breath before turning to glare at Joker, who was still having a crisis over the fact that Batman didn’t care as much as he did. Well, she guessed that she had to take out her headache on someone. Might as well be the bitch in ugly clown makeup.

“You know, I don’t even understand why people are scared of you.”

Joker frowned and turned to look at her. “What?”

“I mean, I get why Poison Ivy is feared, I get why Mr. Freeze is feared… I even get Penguin and Riddler since they both have a high enough intellect to make up for their lack of powers… but you’re just… some guy.”

Joker gave her a cold look. “I could kill you.”

“So could a particularly determined cow, you’re not special.”

Red Robin snickered. She smiled, a little proud of herself for making him laugh.

Their grins were wiped off their faces when the rope holding them up dropped.

It caught them again dangerously close to the acid. Red Robin was a few centimeters from getting a new haircut. Marinette wondered, morbidly, whether her suit would go with her if she disintegrated.

“Not going to kill us, huh?”

“... well, I did say probably,” he mumbled, his face a little red.

She swallowed thickly. “If we live, I’m going to kill you.”

“Fair. Want to mess with him if he’s going to kill us anyways?”

“... yes.” She whipped around to glare at Joker again. “I mean, honestly, why aren’t you dead yet?”

“We don’t kill,” supplied Red Robin.

She grinned. “Sure, and I get that. I’m also not fond of murder... but is every citizen in Gotham just agreeing to not kill him? Does Batman spend all his time making sure that civilians don’t do it? Why hasn’t anyone seen him on the street and just tried to run him over?”

“... I mean, Robin hit him with the Batmobile once.”

“See?” She grinned. “And don’t even get me started on Punchline and your goons, Joker. How did you find so many people loyal to you?”

“I love him!” Said Punchline defensively.

“... sweetie, if you want a pasty white guy with green hair just watch 2016 Jacksepticeye.”

Red Robin nodded. “At least he’s kind of funny sometimes.”

“If you need the guy to be evil, how about the evil alter ego he made… what was he called?”

“Antisepticeye.”

“Ha, you’re a fucking nerd,” Marinette teased.

Red Robin blushed (or maybe that was just the blood slowly rushing to their heads from being upside down for so long) and pointedly ignored her: “Look up Antisepticeye. It’ll probably be healthier for you.”

Punchline didn’t have a retort for that. Marinette was deciding that was because she was considering it, not because she probably didn’t know who Jack/Antisepticeye was.

She pushed on: “And, hey, you goons don’t have to give Punchline over there the glory. Stab your boss. C’mon, it’ll be cool. Doubt he’s paying you more than whatever bounty is on his head, anyways.”

“If you’re going to rally henchmen maybe you shouldn’t call them ‘goons’,” suggested Red Robin.

She pouted. “But ‘goons’ sounds cuter.”

He opened his mouth to retort but she’d never know what he was going to say because, at that moment, Signal and Robin came busting in through the skylight.

~

Tim relaxed when he heard the glass shatter. Whether Marientte’s henchmen rallying had somehow worked or their backup had come, it at least meant that Joker and Punchline were distracted from wanting to murder them.

He struggled to crane his neck to see what was going on.

Oh. Damn. Damian was back from his angsting on the weird murder island? And he was here? Nevermind, he’d prefer Joker and Punchline. Damian was never going to let him live this down.

Speaking of Damian, a weight jumped onto their ropes and the three vigilantes became a pendulum. Tim grit his teeth tightly and Marinette let loose a long string of swears as their headaches worsened.

But, apparently, the world wasn’t done with them. Damian sliced the line at the highest point and they went flying across the room. Tim was the unlucky one on the bottom when they hit the ground, which he doubted was an accident.

Damian left them to deal with things on their own from there. Least he could have done was cut them free with his katana, but Tim supposed that was too much to wish for from the youngest brother.

He rested his head back against the cool floor for a second. He could feel Marinette stretch across his shoulder to do the same. They sighed in relief. This was the closest they had come to treating their headaches and wow was it nice.

But, frankly, resting in the middle of a fight isn’t a great idea. So, they wriggled around on the floor until he was able to flick open the tiny knife in the index finger of his gloves and cut the rope binding them without, y’know, cutting one of them instead.

Freedom! What did they do with this newfound freedom, you may ask? Scratch their heads. Turns out chloroform sucks for many reasons and one of those is that it’s a major skin irritant.

He also vomited. Thank god they’d been freed. He’d been only a few seconds away from throwing up on Marinette. He felt especially bad about that when she peeled a hand from her itching to hold his hair away from his face.

The fight was over soon enough. Duke and Damian came over to watch the two of them attempting to peel their skin off layer by layer.

“Pathetic,” chided Damian.

“Don’t be a dick --.” Marinette cut herself off, her hand flying to her mouth. “I swore in front of a baby.”

“I’m twelve!”

“Exactly: a baby.” She reached out and cupped a very affronted Damian’s face in her hands. “Look, you still have baby fat! You shouldn’t be fighting crime!”

Tim couldn’t tell if she was messing with Damian for being rude to them or if she genuinely saw him as a little kid. He wasn’t going to correct her. She’d remember he was a gremlin soon enough.

Damian wrenched his face from her grip. “If I hadn’t come you two would have been burned in acid.”

“Please, we all know Signal probably could have dealt with this entirely on his own,” Marinette waved him off.

Duke rested a hand over his heart like he was touched.

Tim rolled his eyes and pulled Marinette to him, resting his head on top of hers lazily. “We should get a checkup at the cave. Chloroform has… not nice effects and we both rolled around in it a little while fighting.”

Duke and Damian both winced, but Marinette didn’t seem all that concerned.

“I’ll be fine. My immune system is enhanced by --.”

Duke clapped his hands by her ears as loudly as he could. Neither Marinette nor Tim were particularly happy about it.

“Behold: a headache, one of the main symptoms of chloroform. Your face also has some red streaks, so don’t even try to deny that the chloroform is affecting you.”

“I take back my praise, I’ve decided I hate you,” she murmured, massaging her temples.

“I just remembered that I need the siren on my bike on to tell all the other bats we’ll need them at the cave...”

“Wait, no --.”

~

Marinette glared at Black Bat and Spoiler. The batboys had left the infirmary area for her own comfort and that was nice of them but she would really prefer if she hadn’t had to come at all.

Now she sat in some of Black Bat’s pajamas and one of Spoiler’s spare masks as they inspected her.

Her nose scrunched as Black Bat drew blood from her arm.

“This is dumb. I don’t need this.”

“We’ve been told. Humor us?” Spoiler said and, though Marinette couldn’t see her face from where she was, she knew she was rolling her eyes.

“I would if you were actually funny.”

“I think we can definitely put her down for irritability,” commented Spoiler.

Black Bat nodded and dutifully wrote it down. Traitor.

The cool metal of a stethoscope was pressed to her back and she cringed.

“Deep breaths.”

Marinette complied, however reluctantly. Might as well get all this bullshit over with as soon as possible.

… she was regretting that decision, now, though.

She gave Batman a cold look. “You can’t keep me here.”

“You need to stay so we can monitor your state overnight. You could have asphyxiated.”

“But we didn’t,” complained Red Robin, who looked just as annoyed about this as she was.

“We have lives, B,” she said.

“You weren’t going to do anything other than patrols tonight, don’t act like I’m tearing you away from something important.”

“The protection of the city is important,” Red argued.

“Neither of you would be much help tonight in the state you’re in, anyways.”

Red Robin stuck his lower lip out in a pout. Marinette gave her best puppy-dog eyes.

Batman wasn’t moved. “If you need something, Agent A will provide it.”

She blinked, eyes returning to normal in her confusion. “Who --?”

He disappeared into the shadows before she could finish the conversation, something she was, unfortunately, getting used to.

Marinette scowled at where he had last been.

Maybe she should have expected this, maybe if she had been less out of it she would have. They had given her pajamas when she’d had clothes and insisted on cleaning her old ones ‘for chloroform’. The checkup might have been a genuine checkup on her state, but it probably wouldn’t have mattered what the results were. She was always going to end up staying the night in the cold, dingy cave filled with bats.

She sighed and laid back against the stone floors. She heard Red Robin groan and looked up to see he had been locked out of the Batcomputer for the night. He leaned back in his chair and mumbled curses.

She giggled at his distress and, despite himself, a tiny grin poked at his lips.

“Want to race to see who can hack into it first?” She suggested.

He raised an eyebrow at her under his domino. “Think you can win?”

“Considering I don’t know that much about hacking, I’m going to say probably not.”

A wide smile spread across his face, now, and he waved her over. She took a seat on the desk beside the keyboard and he started teaching her everything.

Most of what he said, while technically heard, wasn’t exactly understood. She couldn’t concentrate. It was the first time she had seen him in anything but his vigilante suit and she decided that that was a crime because he looked so cute in the Batman-themed pajamas. Furthermore, the way his long hair was pushed back by a headband to keep it out of the green paste spread over his face to alleviate the chloroform’s rash reminded her of a spa day in all those movies.

And then there was the smile. It made her heart flutter in her chest because she was so used to his grins but this was just a genuine smile. He looked so passionate about the intricacies of cyber crime. She was almost sad about the domino hiding his eyes because she wanted to see the way they lit up while he explained different ways viruses could be accidentally downloaded to devices.

Basically, she was a mess for this random cute guy she worked with. She had never seen him so casual and at ease and it felt far more intimate than it maybe should.

She rested her head on her hand, nodding along as he talked about data encryption versus decoding.

Well, maybe a forced sleepover in the Batcave wouldn’t be so bad...

~

Tim was suffering a lot more than he would ever admit, and only a small part of it was due to chloroform.

He was going to be having a sleepover with one of his idols and he was going to be spending a large amount of the time trying not to throw up. And she could totally tell, too, why else would she be watching him so intensely? Someone kill him, please. He was so glad he had a secret identity because he didn’t know how he would manage if she thought Tim Drake-Wayne was a loser.

Granted, she was going to think Red Robin was a loser... but at least he had a second chance as Tim.

He rested his chin on the back of his chair. He had hacked into the Batcomputer already but it was a relatively dull night out on patrols and he wasn’t eager to be yelled at for showing Marinette some files on top of already hacking into them when he wasn’t supposed to.

“Wanna do something?”

She grinned. “Is there anything to do here other than train?”

“... nothing approved.”

She tipped her head to the side. “And of the things that aren’t approved?”

He matched her grin. “Well…”

And that was how he ended up setting up a movie projector in the cave so they could watch Groundhog Day. Marinette had taken to making them a pillow fort.

Duke stumbled down the steps, half awake, and raised his eyebrows at them from behind his domino. He poured himself a cup of coffee from the pot that they had made and took a long sip before sending the two of them a wary look. “Do I want to know?”

Marinette didn’t look up from her and Tikki’s base construction. “Dunno. Do you want to watch Groundhog Day with us?”

He frowned. “Isn’t that the one where that guy in a time loop stalks his co-worker until he knows enough to make her fall in love with him?”

“Just say you don’t like romcoms and go,” Marinette irritably.

“I’m fine with romcoms, it’s just… a little messed up that he uses the knowledge he gets from being in a time loop to ensure she falls for him?”

“It’s a story about self-improvement,” Tim said, sending his brother a glare. “He grows as a person until he is worthy of her love.”

“Him learning about her is part of his arc. He starts off selfish and he ends it with a deeper appreciation for other people,” agreed Marinette.

Duke held his free hand up in mock surrender. “Fine, fine. Enjoy your stalker movie.”

“It’s not a --,” Tim tried to argue, but Duke was already heading back upstairs.

He huffed a little and finished setting up the computer and projector, then took a seat in the pillow fort. She poured each of them a cup of coffee, put a straw in hers to maintain her identity, and then took a seat beside him.

He took it from her with a bright smile and turned on the movie.

She rested her head on his shoulder as the happy-go-lucky music started up.

Unfortunately for them, they didn’t manage to stay awake for all that long. Duke had drugged the coffee pot.

~

Marinette shifted awake a while later and promptly decided that being awake sucked.

Nothing about her current situation sucked, of course. At some point during the night they had fallen asleep and now she was laying half on top of Red Robin, clinging to him like a koala. He didn’t seem all that upset about it, though, with his arm wrapped around her and his face buried in her hair.

Unfortunately, the time on the bottom right of the Batcomputer’s screen told her she didn’t have much time to enjoy it.

She started the slow process of extracting herself from him. Getting the arm off of herself was easy, getting his face away from her head was much harder (this wasn’t helped by the fact that the paste on his face had stuck to her hair).

There was one scare where she thought he was going to wake up. She pushed herself off of his chest and he took a long breath in. Marinette froze, watching his lips tighten… and then he turned over in his sleep.

Oops, apparently she’d been suffocating him a little in her sleep. Sorry, Red.

Well, at least she was free now.

She slipped out of the pillow fort and glanced at the time again.

Even less time to do what she needed. Because that’s how time works.

She sighed and called Tikki over with a tiny wave of her hand, walking over the edge of the railing. She looked down at the abyss that stretched many feet below.

Tikki couldn’t have looked more disapproving if she tried.

“It’s just a little insurance,” Marinette signed.

This didn’t make Tikki any less upset with her, but she hadn’t really expected it to. She signed for her transformation. She tied herself to the railing with her yoyo as a precaution and then hooked her legs around the railing.

And down she went.

She flexed at an awkward angle, flashlight in her mouth, and stuck a tracker to the bottom of the platform.

And, really, she wasn’t intending on using it. Like she said, it was just insurance. They had drawn blood from her earlier and she knew for a fact that it wasn’t necessary for chloroform inhalation. The only reason that made sense for that was that they wanted to check and see if she had inhaled some but they already knew that so… what did they want with her blood?

She was willing to bet it had something to do with her secret identity. And, hey, she didn’t particularly care if they knew her identity, she trusted them, but if it ever got out because of them revealing then who the bats were would be 1) revenge and 2) a good distraction.

“Hey --?”

Thank the kwamis she had tied herself to the railing because she’d been surprised enough to let go of the platform.

“Shit, sorry!” Said Red Robin.

She pulled herself back up onto the platform with his help and then collapsed on the cool stone. She spat the flashlight from her mouth. “Fuuuuuuck, don’t do that again, please.”

“Sorry,” he said again. Then he glanced back at where she had been and, momentarily, his lips pulled into a frown. “I gotta ask: what were you doing?”

“Hm?”

Shitshitshit.

“Oh, I wanted to see if there was anything down there or if it was just for The Aesthetic.”

“Why not just use your yoyo to go down?”

She shuddered. “The flashlight barely did anything. Would you want to go down into that darkness with no clue even how far down it goes?”

He seemed to accept the answer. “It’s an old iron mine. No one uses it anymore, though.”

She nodded her understanding.

She pushed herself back up to a sitting position and looked at him.

“The bats don’t get back for a while and we’re still on lockdown, so… want to do something?”

~

Damian was the first one to get home. Apparently he had broken a leg on patrol. This was fine (well, maybe he shouldn’t have been driving himself, but whatever).

What was not fine was that he had promptly decided to be an asshole.

Tim and Marinette had been playing Minecraft on the Batcomputer and, like all younger brothers, Damian asked to play.

And, like all older brothers, Tim barely looked up from his controller to tell him: “No.”

Damian looked to be on the verge of a meltdown.

Marinette sighed and sent Tim a tired look. “Red, don’t be mean. He’s just a kid. There’s more controllers, we can just give him one.”

“But…” He started. Damian was a terrible partner to play Minecraft with because he never helped out with anything except for the farm.

However, Marinette was looking at him expectantly. Tim bit his lip, considering.

Damian looked between the two of them and a wicked grin spread across his face and oh no.

Damian took a seat next to Marinette and gave her puppy-dog eyes (a real feat, considering the fact that he was wearing a domino and therefore his eyes were invisible). “Miss Ladybug, can’t you please make him let me play?”

Marinette gave Tim a tired look. “Red, c’mon, just for a bit.”

Damian smirked a little but, by the time Marinette turned back around, he had schooled his face back into a pout.

She handed him her controller. “You can have mine. I’ll find another for myself.”

The two watched her leave and Tim sent his younger brother a glare. “I can’t believe you would embarrass yourself this much just to play a game.”

“Anything to annoy you, ‘big bro’.”

He opened his mouth to retort, but then Marinette came back and all he could do was send him a glare behind her back.

Damian retaliated by sitting himself on Marinette’s lap. She looked down, amusement making her eyes crinkle, but otherwise didn’t acknowledge it. Damian smirked and stuck his tongue out at Tim.

That little shit.

And it continued on for hours while the three of them waited for the rest of the bats to come back. Damian would cling to Marinette in some way and he would become the bad guy for glaring at a child. He was seriously considering breaking the No Killing Rule for this kid.

Finally, though, people started coming back and apparently Damian thought it too embarrassing to do such a thing in front of more than just the person he was trying to annoy because he clambered off her lap to play just a little bit away.

Bruce was the last one to come in and he looked at his kids with the patented Batdad Glare because they had managed to drag Steph into playing with them (without much effort) and Cass into watching (with much more effort). Which meant that there were currently five family disappointments. Yay them.

Tim smiled innocently. “What? We got bored. Maybe you should let us out so this doesn’t happen again.”

“I’m keeping you here for your own safety.”

Marinette and Tim both groaned.

“I have work to do.”

“Me, too.”

Bruce didn’t relent because he was a stubborn asshole.

But that was fine. They really hadn’t expected them to. Tim glanced at Marinette and she twirled her index finger against her flat palm, the sign for ‘start’.

One flash and smoke bomb later, the two of them were running as fast as they could to his bike. He grinned as he helped his giggling friend get on and hopped up himself. Arms wrapped around him tightly and her face buried in his back. They tore out of the cave, giggling all the while.

[herinsectreflection]

I really love how much of Faith there is in S6, and I mean that completely seriously. She's a constant unmentioned figure, haunting the narrative. The central ideas of her character become the central ideas of the season, and for Buffy's character specifically.

Faith is such an interesting figure because despite appearing in less than thirty episodes across both shows, she’s one of the most important characters for reflecting both leads, but especially Buffy for obvious reasons. She's Angel's mentee figure, the representation of how good desire to right his own wrongs and give others a chance to do the same can reciprocally save him. And she's Buffy's dark mirro, representing who Buffy could be if she surrendered to the mercy of her circumstances. Faith’s status as Buffy’s distorted mirror image is constant throughout the show. Cordelia was Buffy’s first shadow self, but Faith owns that role, long after she stops appearing regularly.

The season opens for Buffy with her hand stretching up out of her grave, with a visual almost identical to Faith’s dream in This Year’s Girl. You could almost see Buffy’s ressurection as akin to Faith waking from her coma to find a world that has left her behind. They both wake up alone and stagger around town, finding themselves at the burned-out site of the previous season’s finale, and both their initial instincts are to destroy their bodies - Faith by disappearing into Buffy's, and Buffy by leaping off the tower again.

Throughout the season, Buffy exhibits a lot of Faith-like behaviour. A big one is using sex as a coping mechanism. Buffy instigates an unhealthy sexual relationship with Spike to stave off her depression and hide it from others. Faith uses agressive sexuality to intimidate others and keep her pain hidden (see her initially attempting to seduce the Mayor to avoid accepting his paternal affection, or instigating sex with Xander in response to his attempts at emotional connection). Both are prone to violence against their sexual partners too - Faith with Xander in the same scene and Buffy with Spike multiple times. Like vampires, the Slayers seem inclined to conflate sex and violence (I'll let the fact that they are both prone to violence against each other speak for itself). In her dream in Dead Things, Buffy mixes up seeing Katrina's corpse and having sex with Spike in a blurry whirlwind of sex and death, bringing this conflation to the forefront.

It's also worth noting that Faith is implied in many ways to be a victim of sexual abuse, and it's in this season that Buffy experiences an attempted rape. Both are caught up in that cycle of abuse, and thankfully they manage to both escape.

And then there's the suicidal ideation. Oh god, the suicidal ideation. There's a few examples of characters being self-destructive or sacrificial in a way that evokes suicide (Angel springs to mind in multiple instances), but it's only Faith and Buffy in S6 (and parts of S5 to be fair) that explicitly grapple with this. Buffy's arc in S6 is basically her grappling with suicidal ideation, and struggling to actually want to be alive. Faith attempts suicide multiple times - metaphorically in This Year's Girl and literally in Five By Five, when she attempts suicide-by-copvampire-detective. I would even argue that Graduation Day is another example of attempted suicide-by-slayer, given that she actively goads Buffy to kill her (and therefore become her), and seems almost relieved and proud when she seemingly does so.

The kicker is really Dead Things. This is such a vital episode for understanding Buffy in S6, and it is absolutely dripping with Faith parallels. It's almost a Frankenstein episode, made up of bits of other Faith-centric episodes. The central conflict is the exact same as Bad Girls, with a routine patrol (seemingly) killing an innocent bystander at the hands of a slayer. Spike has the same solution as Faith - dump the body and forget about it. He even uses the same utilitarian argument to justify it - that one lost life is meaningless, collateral damage, against the many that Buffy has saved. But it's Buffy who is in Faith's shoes, struggling with the idea that she killed someone. Ironically, her solution - to hand herself over to the police - is in fact the same solution Faith eventually comes to in Sanctuary. At this point in time, that was the last thing we saw Faith do in the Buffyverse, and now Buffy herself reaches for that same idea to try and achieve peace.

Her attempt to turn herself in can and should be read as a metaphorical suicide attempt. Her words to Dawn saying goodbye are pretty much a repeat of her words to Dawn before she jumps in The Gift (see @impalementation 's great post on this). She's been trying to recreate that feeling of exquisite peace all year, just as Faith repeatedly turns to metaphorical and literal suicide to find her own. That idea of "peace" being equated to both voluntary incarceration and suicide makes the ending to Sanctuary much darker, which makes me glad that Faith ends up taking an active role in the world by the end.

Buffy beating up Spike in the alley - himself a mirror to Buffy in many ways, and behaving identically to Faith in this episode - is lifted from Who Are You.

"Shut up! Do you think I'm afraid of you? You're nothing. Disgusting. Murderous bitch. You're nothing. You're disgusting."

- Faith Lehane, Who Are You, shouted while crying and punching someone on the floor, but obviously talking about herself.

"You don't have a soul! There is nothing good or clean in you. You are dead inside! You can't feel anything real! I could never be your girl!"

- Buffy Summers, Dead Things, shouted while crying and punching someone on the floor, but obviously talking about herself.

Both scenes come at the climax of an episode-long metaphorical suicide. Both strip away the characters' defenses and lay bare an unfiltered and messy psyche, dominated by anger and self-hatred.

So we can see that when Buffy is at her lowest, she becomes her own shadow self. Faith is in many ways a permanent part of Buffy's psyche, which comes up to the surface occasionally and has to be actively quashed (I'm thinking about her taking on parts of Faith's wardrobe along with her personality in Bad Girls, until the accident at which point she actively goes in the opposite sartorial direction). In her post-ressurection depressive haze, Buffy is simultaneously less connected to her own personhood and more emotionally volatile, so her shadow self is exposed, and that shadow self is Faith.

It gets extra interesting when you remember that Faith is The Slayer at this point. No new slayer is called when Buffy dies - nobody even suggests that one might be out there - which suggests that the sole Slayer line runs through Faith now, and Buffy is an abberation. (S7 kind of confuses the issue when it suggests that the First will have to kill Buffy last, but it makes more sense to ignore that than to ignore this). The Slayer is a core part of Buffy's identity, one that she ambivalently pulls away from and grabs on to - but technically it belongs to Faith now. In S6 Buffy loses connection to her identity, and so becomes an echo of Faith, who owns that part of her now.

Going even further - Faith only exists as The Slayer at all because of Buffy's first death. Slayers are kind of an undead like vampires in a way - they can only ever exist because someone else dies. They live because of death. Faith is the walking, talking corpse of Buffy, a reborn figure given purpose by death, for death. Buffy in S6 is experiencing her own kind of un-life, as depression so often feels like. She too feels like the walking, talking corpse of Buffy. The Slayer, Faith, and Buffy are all caught in their own purgatory, born out of death and unable to see anything but death in their near future.

It's just so much fun to pick apart this season and see how it relates to this seemingly unrelated character. Faith feels like a major presence in a season that she doesn't appear in - and I'm not sure even explicitly mentions her - solely thanks to how effective a lens she is to view the main character. Now that's effective connection of character and theme.

[ranboo5]

whats 'the clip' and knifetrick?

Augh. Under the cut for shipping discourse and p/dophilia ment (nothing graphic or specific). Gets long bc I discuss my thoughts on DSMP shipping in general. You are setting me up fr anon

Some quick vocab -

intimacy here is used to refer to. Well. Any kind of intimacy between characters, of any sort, as an umbrella term /r, /p, and /qp here are used as shorteners to denote "romantic," "platonic," and "queerplatonic," both as adjectives And as verbs ("to /r" = "to portray romantically") shipping here is used to refer to any focused examination of intimacy between characters

And some clarity that Should follow from the essay next but may not - """anti-antis"""" and RPF writers delete forever

The Clip is from one of if not the? most recent Discord stage(s) Mr Live has done (which I missed when it was live RIP) wherein he issues a hard ban on shipping him ("do not ship me, in any way, with anyone!") which would less influence c!beeduo (which has been portrayed/stated to be romantic AND nonromantic both conflictingly for a while until being confirmed unconfirmed several months ago, that being the last was heard) without its direct invocation if he hadn't also cited for the reason as being underage ("'Cause, one, it's straight up pedophilia") which is! a) immediately applicable to At Least his DSMP character, Partially and b) while not Strictly True (should b obvious that portraying a relationship within the bounds of what it is in canon and in a nonsexual way is not That, and /r-ing c!beeduo etc was possible to do Appropriately again by remaining w/in the bounds of canon) is Clearly Indicative of the fact that baggage-wise it IS associated with people being fucking creeps

This Really complicates things bc like okay the apparent solution is "lol just don't /r it" but it's really like. A Worse issue than that bc like.

Okay the reason shipping in terms of fictional characters is a Different Bar is bc it's an examination of Intimacy and certain lines exist in certain dynamics of intimacy that Isn't Shown (which is the whole Within The Bounds Of Canon thing) which is important in a medium like DSMP because of the smaller gap + more personal relationship b/w character and streamer. Examining intimacy beyond th bounds of the consent that has been established in that regard is Weird at best and Violating And Creepy more often and, As Mentioned In Ranb's Stage, Literally Evil at worst

Which is why writing abt like. QPR or platonically intimate Techno and Philza (characters) is smth that is fine because that's smth that has been shown and repeatedly stated onscreen; it's in the bounds of canon n thus within th bounds of what the streamers've consented 2 be done with their characters. But writing T3chza making out or whatever is fucked up because it's smth that's beyond those consent barriers

And the thing is right

Slapping a /p on T3chza makeout doesn't. Make it less violating

Like what you CALL romantic is not the measure or whether it's past those barriers yk? And if it's indistinguishable, if it's in extrapolative territory that is Past The Bounds, it Does Not Matter how much you /p it EVEN IF IT IS TECHNICALLY PLATONIC y feel? Like at the end of the day placing a moratorium on some/all forms of shipping is placing a moratorium on certain examinings of intimacy

And okay 2 go back to Mr Live and his character. What it implies taken in context w/ older portrayals of c!beeduo and said by invoking smth that both evokes Really fucked up baggage (that does unfortunately exist btw I'm sorry if you didn't know that but People Really Do B Fucked Up Abt Beeduo) AND applies to his character is a revocation of consent to examining deep intimacies:tm: with his character, which is gonna apply regardless of the nature of that intimacy (even if nonromantic)

Like I don't /r c!beeduo myself, do not, never have, but I talk to people who have and have consumed content where they r background /r; I also don't think it matters. Like I don't Actively /r it and I don't Actively Not /r it because imho w/ the intimacy regarding c!beeduo that is plot relevant and character important whether that intimacy is /p /qp or /r doesn't really matter. I don't consider myself Less of a c!beeduo shipper than someone who /rs them because that would be dumb as hell and while none of the content I've made* is Intrinsically or Intentionally /r it certainly can be read tht way as much as it can be read /qp or /p. It's be dumb and hypocritical of me to like, dunk on ppl for /r-ing c!beeduo when I'm also invested in these two and my tonetags r not gonna suddenly Delete the picking apart I've done of the dynamic @ hand

Which Has Been. Within Bounds Of Canon. It's been what's been shown (sometimes to my great distress. There is a reason that the :canon_beeduo: emote looks the way it does) Directly Onscreen and in general keeping with the tone n intensity/directions of what they've Done With The Characters

HOWEVER

As mentioned up there. Revocation of consent

It makes. Full sense 2 me that Mr Live wants to place a moratorium or fullon ban on shipping his characters perhaps where he wouldn't have before because of the Unfortunately Very Extant trends of people being Fucking Weird about shipping his characters AND of using them as a Thinly Veiled Excuse to ship HIM, which. I should not have to explain why shipping real people is fucking abhorrent

THIS creates a problem which is a. Bit of a vacuum in interacting with what is a facet of c!Ranboo's arc, decision making, and character. Like you CAN have c!Ranboo w/o cbeeduo but you Can't Really have his plotline without examining c!beeduo. And as I mentioned earlier: even if your examination of c!beeduo is fully platonic, the significance of it To the plotline means that any examination of it and its relevance to the plotline and characters IS gonna be an examination of intimacy, which. Regardless of it's platonic, Is Still Shipping

Unless some HARD retconning happens it leaves this like. Hole in an aspect of c!Ranboo's arc and decisionmaking and it's very. Uncertain? God. Fucking months ago I was already kind of :huh. Does he know what the fuck he's doing: irt c!beeduo and desperately wishing for things to be cleared up and now it's only That Much Stronger

NOW. KNIFETRICK, FINALLY

Knifetrick (or, as it’s actually listed, Bishop’s Knife Trick) is a fic about "Ran and Jackie from The Pit TFTSMP" in a "canon-typical ambiguously romantic relationship." As you can tell from the scare quotes, especially if you've seen me vague, both of these are, to put it politely, Doubtful. I've read the fic; I will not be sharing my opinions because that would be neither productive nor responsible (I will just say I can't recommend it and leave it at that) but I WILL say the following that Is relevant to the conversation:

Ran's and Jackie's characterizations respectively have very little to do with characterizations from The Pit, and bear a dollar-store-version resemblance to tropes and personality motifs found in ESPECIALLY fanon c!beeduo, especially later in the fic. I would not go so far as to say they are Intentionally Literally Ranboo and Tubbo but they are transparent expies and were clearly written at LEAST unintentionally w/ c!beeduo in mind (esp since. Ran and Jackie barely interacted in The Pit), and for a readerbase that, as far as I can tell, is HUGELY dominated by /r c!beeduo shippers. Like. Sorry. This is off-brand c!beeduo.

The dynamic between the two is pretty unambiguously romantic, also; despite what the fic's white knights claim, romantic tropes and implications/motifs/imagery from at LEAST chapter two, and is very much explicitly romantic by the most recent chapter.

FROM CH1:

"And now, with raised eyebrows and a pursed lip, the newly named General Jackie observes Ran in such a way that makes the enderman’s skin crawl. Ran reminds himself that this kid, as short and harmless as he may look, is trained to kill. [...] Jackie narrows his eyes and tilts his head a little, as if he’s trying to read in between every one of Ran’s imperfect scales."

FROM CH2:

"It makes Ran’s skin itch with discomfort. [...] 'That actually doesn’t explain much of anything at all,' complains Jackie, and he pops a few croutons into his mouth with one hand. 'Tell me what you’re thinking, pretty-boy.'

"Ran feels his face flush, no doubt mildly glowing green.

"Yes, that was the other thing. The unnecessary compliments to his physical appearance.

"They don’t happen very often, and don’t seem to have very much meaning or intention behind them— Jackie often speaks like an unthinking kid— but when they do happen… they’re embarrassing. [...] It’s annoying how the rug is pulled out from under his feet in these moments when he’s 'embarrassed'. Like the conversation see-saw has temporarily shifted weight in the general’s favor."

I am not going to include excerpts from Chapter 6 because it's just the entire chapter.

I WILL SAY, HOWEVER, STEPPING ON THIS SCORPION BEFORE IT STINGS: they are not written in an RPFy manner and I don't think there's any grounds, including Vibes, of accusing Knifetrick of being like. Closet truthing or whatever. Also, while I think there's certainly Some Weirdness ESPECIALLY around the reaction, the romance itself is Not written in any way I'd call weird or problematic pre-clip; it's nothing inappropriate or like Weirdly Fetishy or whatever. Knifetrick is not #problematic or anything and I don't have beef with like the concept of liking it intrinsically; if I thought it was like. Abhorrent I wouldn't be sharing excerpts lmao dhjfnhdsbvdnfjh. Hence: if anyone uses this post or anyth like it to send harassment or bad faith ANYTHING to anyone involved with Knifetrick I will hunt you down in the fucking night even if it WAS #problematic that'd be the LITERAL OPPOSITE of productive and as it stands it's Literally Not. Essentially: Knifetrick is a (questionably-written /mean) fic using Ran and Jackie from The Pit as a vessel for a large chunk of the dynamics and headcanons of fanon /r c!beeduo in particular

And again, I would not call it problematic in any way (aside from the disingenuity of the insistence that it's TOTALLY UNRELATED TO BEEDUO and TOOOTALLY WASN'T INTENDED TO BE ROMANTIC GUYS like own your shit please)... IF it weren't for the advent of The Clip, which is calling in2 question the Entirety of the problem of /r-ing any variant of c!beeduo or any of Ranboo's characters at all

I really do not have an answer for this tbh. I genuinely wanna hear from the streamer on this more specifically because I like,,, I got no clue where 2 go from here? Do I just consider an arc retconned? Was it an issue of speaking abt a troubling subject kneejerk wise and I'm reading too much in2 it?

I just. I dunno

Tl;dr (AT LONG LAST)

- The Clip is a clip of a Discord stage where Ranboo (streamer) loudly explicitly decried shipping in a way that implicitly applies to characters he plays - This would be all well and good but is rendered complicated by the plot relevance of c!beeduo, which does not stop being shipping if it's /p'd due to it still necessarily being an examination of a particular intimacy in a way that is in canon hard to distinguish the /p, /qp, or /r nature of - Bishop's Knife Trick is an AO3 fic centered around using TFTSMP characters as /r c!beeduo expies which is not a bad thing in and of itself unless it also is covered under this moratorium - Things remain unclear until and unless we get clearer word from streamer, but considering Mr Live seems to be allergic to clarifying anything abt c!beeduo this is doubtful

*very little if any of the content I personally have made 4 c!beeduo has been posted publicly, for related reasons. You May have seen it if you're in servers w/ me, depending on Which Ones