#this is a COMEDY

[watchyourbuck]

911 on abc has Buck coming out and Eddie getting his dick grabbed on the same episode but as two unrelated events

[waymond-wang]

NAPOLEON (2023) dir. Ridley Scott ↳ We are being terrorized by deputies armed with daggers! And these madmen have outlawed themselves by their attempt on the liberty of this country! They're trying to kill me! They're trying to kill him.

[alethiaii]

Aegon's heir options after B&C are an impulsive rogue brother and a toddler daughter. Back to square one.

Something something it mirrors and bla bla

[whiteshipnightjar]

heard of slow horses a few days ago. just finished watching the 3rd season of slow horses. no one told me slow horses is THAT good. i’m already rewatching slow horses. watch slow horses. someone please talk to me about slow horses. they’re ridiculous losers, i love them.

[unfortunate17]

Like a Moth to You, Sunlight

Rated: T

Summary:

“But you’re straight,” his voice rises without his permission. Dimly, he realizes he’s making a scene. “You - are you - you’re the straightest person I know.”

Now, Simon’s eyes are dancing with mirth. “I mean,” he shrugs, “that’s not what his bio said.”

“No fucking way,” Wilhelm shakes his head. It would be just his luck to find the love of his fucking life only for said love of his life to be here with Erik of all people. “Erik’s not - he’s literally never - ”

____

Or: Erik meets Simon on a dating app. Wilhelm loses his goddamn mind.

[fireheartwraith]

[defectivegembrain]

I think that. Jeff wasn't trying to kill himself in GI Jeff, in the same way that, like, I wasn't trying to kill myself when I used to cut myself and not take proper care of the wounds. Like. Maybe he wasn't actively trying to, but he didn't really care that much if that was the outcome?

[rabarbarzcukrem]

Not Crustat in his filthy lair holding the fake keyboard proclaiming that he's going on tour 😭😭

[ohtendril]

[destroy-some-evil]

Joe's feeling being reflected in how he trains his team is absolutely cracking me up.

[mercurygray]

Scene: I am doing a scout program tonight at the museum I volunteer at. I am in full 1940s olive drab HBTs in the museum lobby and usually I hide in a closet until I meet the group outside.

The program facilitator has forgotten his keys, so my usual closet is locked.

One scout and parent arrive a full TWENTY minutes early. Strangely, neither one sees me. I manage to sneak to the gallery, which of course is also locked.

We'll see how this goes.

[jonismitchell]

i can be a jerk to people i haven’t slept with i’m just that good

[housseao3]

Firefigher AU chapter 6: Growth

Kinn tries to ask a question, Tankhun is a detective™, no-one is Steve McQueen unfortunately, Kan sees a tiger, Chan manages a whole sentence and Kim is so incredibly cool, Ken has a day and Pol takes the minutes.

[bi-buck-coded]

Piss off her ex: the Lord

[sanaserena]

“Will you stay still! I still need to turn you into mashed potato!” Aurora snarled.

But of course, that was too much to ask.  It was like telling hot chilli not to be hot!  Or pretending that a green charleston chili didn’t have the potential to be spicy.  Anyone who knew their foods, knew that never say never was more likely!

“So, out of curiosity,” Kid said, grinning widely, grabbing a random person nearby as a shield.  “Who got more drunk?”

Aurora’s rock hit Kid square in the face.  

She heard a “ Fuck!” and launched herself at him, shoving the innocent bystander away, and sat on Kid, fisting his shirt once again.  It was such a long way away from the first time they met, and it had been Kid who had been shaking her.  Well payback was a bitch.

“Drake did!” She shook him once.

Kid blinked, his grin died.  “What really?”

“Yes damn it.”  She dragged his face close to hers. “Because every time I said something, he chose to drink instead of answering.”

“Seriously?  What kind of game were you both playing?” he asked, confused, for one second forgetting that Aurora was straddled over him, furious.

“The let’s-see-if-I-could-make-him-regret-it game.  That whole day was the worst date I’ve ever been on, you miserable, limp, over boiled spinach!”  

Kid frowned. “Wait, wait, wait…If he was blushing, what the hell did you ask?”  

Aurora just blinked at him.  “That’s all you can focus on?”

“Was redhead there?”

“On my date with Drake?” She looked at him pointedly. 

“Well she seems like the type to make a guy red in the face.”

“Is your head in the gutter?” Aurora crossed her arms over her chest. 

“Yeah, but seriously, what would make that lizard man blush?”

“She asked if I wanted to play a strip drinking game,” said a much too familiar voice behind Aurora, surprisingly calm.  “And whether I’d prefer to see her naked or Joy, whether I preferred a girl to take her bra off under her shirt or shirt off but bra on, whether I preferred shirt off or pants off underwear still on, what my favourite sex position is, and what positions I liked best, and many, many other questions I now understand were meant to scare me off.  Oh, and she told me that she recently enjoyed your oh-so-expensive rum while playing a strip game with a former Admiral.”

Kid looked stunned.

Aurora jerked around, blushing badly.  What the hell was Drake doing here?  And how the hell did he say all that so calmly? 

Drake was standing there, arms also folded over his chest, looking resolved, despite the furious blush at his neck.  Aurora hadn’t expected to see him again!

“You—” Kid growled, spotting Drake.  “Get your little girlfriend off me!”

“I’m not his girlfriend!” Aurora said.  

“Oh that’s right, because you’re a food obsessed little monster!  You need to get off me!  I can't believe you used my rum on a stripping game.  Thought you of all people would have appreciated it!”

"Actually it was the drinking game not the strip game," Aurora said looking at both Kid and Drake pointedly. "And don't be a baby, we sold the rest if that makes you feel better!"

Kid gaped.  "Are you fucking kidding me, you little monster!"

Aurora ignored him. “Why are you here?” she asked Drake.

“I’m coming with you.”

“What?” Aurora and Kid said at the same time, one in surprise, and the other in horror.

~♥~♦~♠~♣~♥~♦~♠~♣~♥~♦~♠~♣~♥~♦~♠~♣~♥~♦~♠~♣~♥~♦~♠~♣~♥~♦~♠~♣~

"Aurora throws rocks at Kid in interrogation, Drake appears scene" from Ch 54 of my collab semi-canon divergent fic with @legacyofafox, Two Devils and the Toughest Pirates on the Seas: A How-to Guide on Teasing over on AO3 (X Drake x OC pairing (Aurora, my character for the fic); Eustass Kid and Aurora are frenemies at best)

[spoonietimelordy]

I cannot take Jonathan Harker seriously, like come one the guy spend the first chapter saying that everyone in town is explicitly telling to get the hell out of here because the devil/vampire will happen to him and just keep going.