#this is a fresh start because i completely deleted my old account :’(

[philharmonica]

i have returned

[arlertdarling]

tldr: i’m cancelling my follower event and moving blogs to @junovie. i’m officially back from my ‘break’ but i can’t promise i’ll be frequently active (at least not as much as i used to be), much less that i’ll be writing/posting new works regularly.

i look forward to catching up with you all !! thank you for your support and understanding <3

full original post under the cut

hello!

you may or may not have noticed that i’ve been quite inactive for the last few months or so.

i’m sorry to everyone who has reached out to me in that time — i’m not ignoring you, i’ve just been logged out of this account and staying away from tumblr in general. i plan on getting back to you all privately and individually, but if you could read this post, just so you have an idea of what’s going on, i would really appreciate it! :)

anyway, i have two announcements to make regarding my blog — not bad, but definitely important changes! i’ve been meaning to make them for a while, but only just found the time and courage to go through with them.

there’s also a more in-depth (albeit rambly) explanation to why and where i’ve been gone after the announcements. it’s a little long, so there’s no pressure to read it all if you don’t want to.

my first announcement is that i’m cancelling my 100+ follower event.

...but you probably all saw that one coming lol

i absolutely intended to complete all the requests regardless of how long it took, but it’s been over 7 months now and i no longer see myself ever getting around to them at this point. i feel awful about it, especially because i was so excited about the event and milestone itself, but i just don’t have the motivation to write the rest anymore.

to be transparent, the main thing that affected and eventually halted my work flow entirely is this weird subconscious self-disciplinary rule i had where i was ‘not allowed’ to write anything until i’d finished my old projects. this isn’t an actual rule obviously, but it prevented me from writing new ideas or enjoying writing on this blog/for tumblr as a whole for months. every time i got inspired to write something, i’d remember that i have these obligatory requests to complete first, that it would be selfish and unfair to ‘ignore’ or not prioritise them, that people will be mad at me for not doing so etc, etc.

i’ve luckily stopped thinking this way now, but that’s why i’ve made this decision. i should write for myself and my enjoyment, first and foremost. it shouldn’t be an obligation. it’s not a commission or contractual assignment, it’s a silly online milestone event that i made and can just as easily discontinue should i want to — so that’s what i’ve chosen to do.

thank you to everyone who participated and/or supported the event, it means a lot to me still, and i’m sorry to those whose requests i didn’t manage to write. even with how much time has passed, i still feel shame and embarrassment about how this all turned out, so your acceptance and understanding would be really appreciated.

my next announcement is that i’m moving blogs.

i’m moving to a new account where i have an interaction/personal main blog (@junovie) and my current nsfw writing sideblog. i might make a new sfw one for my other writing shenanigans, but i haven’t made up my mind about that one yet.

it’s nothing serious, i mostly just want a fresh start. this blog has gotten disorganised and messy, and while some people don’t mind or even like it that way, personally i need structure and organisation in order to stay sane, so my plan is to move to a new blog. as for this blog — i might delete it permanently in the future, but for now, i just intend to archive it.

with the announcements out of the way, i just have a few more things i want to talk about.

i’m currently writing this part of the post in march of 2024, but i’ve been considering these changes since around december of 2023, and started drafting this post in january.

in that time, i’ve been mostly logged out of this account (aside from when i would come to add to this post) and keeping tumblr at arm’s length in general for... no reason in particular really? i know many people have had at least one bad experience or two during their time on tumblr, which may have led to them needing a break, but i’ve honestly been lucky enough to never have encountered anything severe personally.

for the most part, i’ve just been focused on my education. i’m at a stage in my life where i have important decisions to be making, paths and passions i want to be pursuing, responsibilities i need to be taking care of... and in comparison, my time for writing on tumblr has dwindled.

on the other hand, this ‘break’ of sorts, away from tumblr, has helped me realise just how much of my time i had been spending on what is really just another silly little social media app on my silly little phone. that’s not to say the people i’ve met and the feelings i’ve experienced aren’t good, valuable or a part of my life, or that the support i’ve received and joy i’ve shared don’t have worth in the bigger picture, because they are, they do, and i’m grateful for them all!! but in retrospect, there were, and are, more important things in my life that require my time, energy and attention [over writing] and that i should have been prioritising sooner. that’s on me for getting essentially addicted and becoming neglectful, and that’s why i needed to step back like i have.

in some ways, i feel a little guilty, because i feel like, i don’t know... like my sudden ‘hiatus’ should have been as a result of some big, crazy life event, or depression or something. and it kind of was [the latter], at the start, but the truth is it’s the opposite now? like, i’ve just been happier these days... but i don’t think it has anything to do with my break from tumblr, at least not in the sense that it makes me unhappy, or the absence of it improves my mental health or whatever. just in the sense that the time i would have spent scrolling or writing, i’ve now been spending doing other hobbies that make me happy, making connections with real life people, reflecting on and learning to love life and myself. i’m far from being where i want to be and i’m definitely still figuring things out, but i feel like i’m better at dividing my time now, and more capable of being on tumblr without it consuming my life force and every waking thought.

so, i’m going to come back, but i’m making no promises that i’ll be frequently active (at least not as much as i used to be), much less that i’ll be writing/posting new works regularly, especially not requests. i’m here just to have fun, be silly, bond with people over stories and fictional characters — and whatever else i may want in the future — but i never want it to feel like a chore or burden again.

even though i feel bad for basically ghosting everyone in my inbox and being inexplicably MIA for like, 3 months, i don’t regret taking this break. i just hope everyone will understand and respect my decisions and the changes to come.

friends/mutuals are welcome to message me if you’re curious about details or concerned or whatever else, but i’ve probably said enough here to answer any questions lol. i look forward to coming back and catching up with you all.

see you guys soon <3

[rafeandonlyrafe]

hey yall! it's rafeandonlyrafe (aka kt/katie). sorry for any panic i may have caused by deleting my old blog but it was a secondary account under i blog i really wanted to get rid of! so im back with this username as my main account and will be going through the process of reuploading all my old fics, but not tonight, because im seeing the other zoey in the morning!!

my old blog was football/soccer fanfiction and i recently became uncomfortable with writing for them. i received a lot of negative messages about this choice, so i decided the best thing i could do for myself was to completely start fresh. i would have warned people but it was a very rash decision that had to be done for my mental health, and i feel SUCH a big weight off my shoulders now just having this account.

also also i will be taking a littleeeee step away from writing only because im working on something REALLY exciting... a novel! that i'm planning to self publish on amazon. im sure it won't be good, but i've always wanted to write a full length book and i have some free time right now to write it so im going to go for it! i will not stop writing fics but they probably will slow down (even though i know i wasnt exactly consistent before)

[sonickinhelp]

Happy New Year! Updates and housekeeping

Everyone who is still here, thank you for your support through the radio silence as this blog has been going through all the difficulty we've all come to expect from the 2020s.

I am still the only active mod. I didn't actually realize how long it had been since anyone else posted -- two years now. I have finally lost contact with Mods Silver and Whisper and their system. Don't worry, I know they're okay, and I'm glad they've gotten comfortable living openly and authentically as a system and are doing what makes them happy.

The main blog they used to create this blog has been abandoned for two years, and even back then it was clear that they were abandoning it permanently. So even though their account is still an admin on this blog, they don't actually have access to it anymore. At some point they deleted the discord server. I'm not sure when that was.

Besides them, there are still three other admins on this blog. I'm pretty sure none of them are ever going to post here again.

So, I'm doing something I didn't want to do, because I kept hoping that I wasn't really the last one left here. I'm going to consider myself as the primary owner of this blog from here on out and do a reboot. If former admins (especially Silver) come back and get upset at me for this, I'm truly sorry. I just can't bear to see this blog gasp and die like this anymore.

What this reboot entails

Immediately after posting this, I'm going to start fiddling with the blog layout. I'm not as good with tumblr themes as the one who set the blog up, and I don't want to break anything, so I'm probably not going to mess with it much. But I'm going to clean out all the old outdated information. I might also delete a nav page or two that don't make sense to have anymore.

I'm going to clean out the askbox and trigger-tag list. I hate to do it, but it's time to start fresh. If you have a request that hasn't been done and you still want it, send it in again. If you have a trigger you still need tagged, send it in again. (The old trigger-tag list was stored on the discord, so I don't have access to it anymore anyway.)

I'm going to rewrite the rules, FAQ, and pinned post. There's a good chance I won't change them much, but I just want to make sure they're accurate to the limitations and boundaries that exist now, and that's gonna be different from when the blog was created.

And, most importantly, I'm going to take on some new mods. I'll have to figure out a way for us to communicate besides a discord server (I'm over the 100-server limit and I don't have money for Nitro anymore) but this was never a blog I could effectively manage completely on my own. I want to have a team again, so everyone can have their requests done in days instead of months.

Thank you all again for your support. I'm glad that, despite everything, this blog is still here.

[egg-boi8]

I just watched Shannon Beveridge’s podcast episode with Vanessa and they talked about tumblr. I logged back into my old account that I hadn’t posted on or even thought about since 3-4 years ago. Kinda want to get back into posting on here. But I wanted a fresh start because looking through my old posts I noticed a lot of ways I’ve changed since then. Rather than rebuild and change my old account I’d rather just start fresh. But I didn’t want to delete my old account because there are memories there. Good and bad. And I like seeing how far I’ve come since I was a closeted kid going through high school and college. Now I’m 24. Just completed my Master’s degree. I’m an out lesbian. I’ve had a couple lesbian heartbreaks. Things are different. They’re a bit better. So I wanna try this again but on a more positive note.

[77angelnumbers77]

more asks!! 4 and 17 >:3c

Sorry for taking so long to reply!! I got busy 😭

4. What was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

I'm really a block first, ask questions later kind of person to just avoid long-term conflict and to curate my space. I guess on my last account, I did end up blocking some of my mutuals just because I needed a fresh start . . . even if I didn't really use the account after that.

Let's see . . . I'm willing to tolerate basically anything in moderation, short of bigotry and weird thirst stuff. I've blocked a lot of people who show up in my for you page just for posting x reader fanfiction. Not my cup of tea. I know that's weird for someone who spends so much time writing in the second person, but when that second person is supposed to be me that's harder -- and on top of that, I don't particularly want to fuck the Spiderverse guy.

Tags, on the other hand? I blocked dozens of them on my old account. I don't watch much of anything, so I typically block shows and movies when they start trending.

Sometimes a mutual will start posting a bunch of characters from a show/book/whatever that I can't see myself getting into. Sometimes it's just thirst for some particular guy, or really weird discourse that I'm getting on my feed for some reason. Into the tag filter!

I know it's not very tumblr-y of me, but I have different accounts for my different interests because I don't want to subject my mutuals to random guy/gal thirst™️from fandoms they're not in.

I have my first account from a good number of years ago that is effectively dead. I just spammed there. Hardly any original content.

I have my rarepair account which I use to exclusively talk about my favorite pairing from another franchise.

I had a more personal account for essays and such that I've since deleted. Frankly, I've always been a pretty private person, so I tend to keep these accounts to their defined subject and not crosspost. They're not even sideblogs 😭if I got into sideblogs we'd be here all day.

17. There should be more of this type of fic/art

VrisRezi meteorstuck

Sburb/Sgrub never happened AU (one of my favorite tropes because of the potential for angst)

I will always be so into well-done AUs. Worldbuilding is my best friend. I once read this fic with this amazing premise. It was more or less middle ages on Alternia with all sorts of details on how everything worked -- from the trolls and their physiology, to the human servants, to affairs around the castle. It's from an orphan account and the fic never went beyond 5(?) chapters. Every day I think about all the beautifully thought out fics that will never be completed. A well done fantasy AU is a real treat.

Bonus controversial take: in my opinion, we need less Humanstuck AU. It just takes a lot of the joy out for me! I used to be an avid Humanstuck writer myself, actually. I just think it's difficult to translate the trolls into understandable human characters without:

Changing them entirely or

Making them completely unsympathetic

Nothing against Humanstuck, I just think it's more fulfilling to flesh out Alternia.

[vintagepresley]

Just got back from classes, so here’s my little rant/cry for help:

I took my blog over from someone else, mainly because i’m a full-time college student and i just did not have the time or energy to start a full account from scratch.

So the whole transition happened, the other girl announced her leaving, and i introduced myself once i joined, changed all the things i wanted to change. I kept the same username, because i genuinely love it and changing it to anything else would cause more time, like changing the headers and updating all the links.

Previous owner asked me to complete two of the things she started which were a series that is still on-going and a Christmas project. So i was like fine, sure why not because i liked the ideas she had for it and i felt like i could do something with it.

So i so far only have posted one thing that i’ve written because i’ve been busy and i’ve been mostly focusing on the Christmas project. But the one thing i posted did not gain a lot of attraction if thats the right word for it. So i thought, that’s weird. So i checked to see if i was shadow banned, which i wasn’t because the post did turn up in the tags. I checked the previous owner’s posts from that series and saw that those did get more attraction. So for a while i just left it as it was, but yesterday i looked a bit further, checked previous messages etc (which might be an invasion of privacy but i just wanted to find out what was going on)

And i found out that the previous owner was caught up in quite some drama that i don’t know the details of, and i think that might be the reason people are maybe boycotting my blog.

I have done everything i think i can do that i have the time for, like i introduced myself and it was stated very clearly that the previous owner had left. And i changed the email and password so i know for sure she won’t be coming back.

I didn’t delete her old fics, even after finding out about the drama, because i don’t wanna delete someone’s hard work if you know what i mean.

And now i just don’t know what to do, because all i want to do is spread positivity, love & happiness around my blog and create a safe space. While writing about the people i love for other people to read when i get back from my classes because writing is so relaxing for me.

I do not know what to do, because i promise i’m just trying to live life as a college student and spread positivity in any way i can without it being too time consuming :(

Wow okay, this is a lot. I’m sorry it took me so long to answer it. I can see why people may be causing you some trouble because of whatever the previous owner of the account may of done. But I feel like in that situation no matter if you’ve told everyone there’s a new owner, they just probably won’t believe that and would just assume it’s the same person trying to act like it’s someone different. I think the only way to get out of this whole mess is either delete most of the stuff on there including the fics and maybe changing the username to just give a fresh start. I know that’s something you don’t want to do. But it may be the only thing you can do in this situation. Other than maybe just making your own account. Which I know you said you just don’t have time to build up. Which is understandable. But that’s my best advice for this situation.

[oftwineandvine]

and i wouldn't marry me either. a pathalogical people-pleaser, who only wanted you to see her.

remember lookin' at this room, we loved it 'cause of the light now, i just sit in the dark and wonder if it's time

do you remember when i pored over the exact right shade of green (seafoam green will never be fern green no matter how hard it tries, and emerald green would've sent our anxiety spiking the second we entered the room but you still let me have my three hour uninterrupted monologue about why maybe olive green or pickle green would be the way to go when you knew, i knew, we both knew that sage green was what we wanted from the beginning) for hours? you were busy polishing the floors. you wanted the light beaming in from the window to reflect all over the space, to open it up as much as it could, to make it look as fresh and new as it could be by the time that nori set foot in the space.

you spent weeks building a bookshelf into a wall. i was so serious about reading more. i made us both get goodreads accounts. i fell off after writing approximately one review about daisy jones and the six. you were still updating yours when i deleted the app from my phone a month ago. i wonder if you finished siddhartha, after all.

your weeks of blood, sweat and tears have driven up the property value because you knew hardwood was the way to go.

i wish i could reach out and say thank you. i also don't really plan to.

how long could we be a sad song 'til we were too far gone to bring back to life?

i remember when the girls played solo for me for the first time. i think i excused myself to go to the bathroom afterwards, blamed it on hayfever. i'm the organisational hand behind the creative wizardry heart and soul of the most talented people i know, and my bassline (or even better, baseline) serves as the rhythmic and harmonic foundation for them to work their magic. i'm as steady as the bass is. my bass will keep the rhythm going, me and lis will keep everyone's feet tapping. i sometimes don't even understand what the lyrical creatives have to say.

but when i heard the words "i know i'm verging on a masochist / and this feeling's getting kind of scary" and "so long, long gone are the days when we were / one and the same / at least i can admit it / you're apathetic / let it go, can't let it go" fall from cristal's mouth and felt more than a little read by my friends' separate experiences that had nothing to do with me, and remembered in that moment the power of music to not just heal but to expose your most nauseating wounds, i realised maybe it wasn't quite right for me to find our big, beautiful porch a promise of forever on our swings when we're 80 years old but instead a moat that's keeping me from feeling anything real. i think i busted my knees crying on the bathroom floor.

i hadn't felt anything real for a year or two other than the sinking feeling at the bottom of my stomach by the time i let you know.

do something babe, say something lose something, babe, risk something choose something, babe, i got nothin' to believe, unless you're choosin' me

to put it plainly, you didn't choose me in the way i wanted you to choose me and i didn't choose you. i'm an aries. a fire sign at its most obvious. i long for anger, ardor, devotion, fervour, fire. i desire to devour and to be devoured.

i bite my tongue so hard i taste blood now and it's fine. it's just fine. my fingers are sticky with the salt from the margarita i shared with someone else last night. my tongue savoured and is starting to crave the taste of someone else's spit. i always found comfort in the blanket of safety and security you provided me with, and all i feel now is relief in complete and total freedom. i would never call you a hindrance, but my love, i hadn't realised how much i was blocking out the sun's rays by staying somewhere that didn't serve either one of us. i was entrapping you as much as i was entrapping myself in something that was no longer working.

i can't find a pulse my heart won't start anymore for you

guilt is felt primarily in the heart but when i felt my heart stirring and waking up a couple of days ago after a year or two of vast empty nothing, i can tell you there wasn't a single ounce of shame in my body. i can tell you the heat i felt, in my heart, in my stomach, between my thighs... it had nothing to do with anyone but her. maybe the guilt crept up when i let her name fall from my lips to my best friend. you're the only person they've heard about in years, but... i think maybe you'd be glad to know that they're happy i remembered kissing people is fun sometimes.

i forgot that kissing people is fun sometimes.

stop, you're losing me.

[c0venants]

🌷 took a little break from the internet. it was so nice! touching grass...breathing fresh air....i finally felt like i wasn’t going crazy (and not constantly angry because of the news and other social media stuff) i’m trying to break the habit of visiting websites and forums that make me feel upset or angry because i found myself kind of addicted to it, oddly enough?? i’m just trying to live a comfy life and i can’t do it if constantly seek out things that will make me upset ╯︿╰

🌻 i feel bad because i left some of my friends/servers hanging....i promise i will message you guys back soon-ish...i’m just trying to get out of my girl-rotting era (┬┬﹏┬┬)

🌺 i made the decision to take out my septum piercing for good. it feels a little weird, i’ve had it for so long but i feel like i’ve outgrown it. i haven’t worn it down in a really long time...and i don’t know, it just didn’t feel like me anymore? i don’t know if that makes any sense. i still want to get my industrial done, and my tragus & conch re-pierced but i have the hardest time healing cartilage.

🌹 i did lots of stuff on my break. cleaning and organizing, went out to dinner at a fancy italian place, took my mama to a beachside brunch place, lots of walks downtown, saw some live music, went to a wedding...wrote 9k words of OC smooshing 😋💞 i might write in more detail on my personal website diary when i get around to it.  though honestly, my motivation for working on it kind of died because of 2 things:

Imgur planning to remove ALL uploads not associated with an account (I think they have already done it? Idk.) I hate having 1000 accounts for different websites, so the appeal of Imgur for me was having stable uploads without needing to sign in BUT they sold the company or w/e and the policies are changing. Which means...most, if not all the images/links on my website will be BROKEN!!!!! it makes me so sad because i have so much stuff on there. i downloaded my site so i can have a reference to work on when i attempt to swap out the image links and uploads but it’s very daunting and it makes me kind of sad HAHA

Moving to my own host. While I didn’t like a lot of the social aspects of Neocities, it was nice seeing an update feed of my friends / moots / etc. I guess it was also more motivating to know that people actively checked out my stuff. Will I do the Walk of Shame back to NC? Probably not. I really dislike the fearmongering and drama-starting side of that place. I’m too old for all that.

Buuuuut, I am the kind of person who gets really obsessed with a hobby for a while only to drop it completely for something else. Rinse and repeat. Right now I’m really into collecting stickers and beadwork but I’m sure it’ll change in a couple months LOL. I’ve been thinking on and off about just...deleting or abandoning the whole thing but I think I’ll wait so I don’t do anything I regret.

my sister is coming to town at the end of this week! i can’t wait. next week we will be taking a family trip to the condo 💞 i’ll be off work and will probably take another internet break!! i’m going to try and take some photos and just enjoy myself 🌷

[sunsunbauds]

about me

my name is sunny

i’m 24

i’m a woman (maybe demigirl, still figuring it out lol) and i go by she/they pronouns

i’m bisexual/demisexual

and happily married <3

i lived in the USA for most of my life, but i recently moved to the UK

i’m studying computer science, and i want to be a web developer when i graduate

this is my second tumblr account because i wanted a fresh start when i came back last year. you can find my old account at @mercysdva (originally made in 2010/2011 but unfortunately not a complete archive as i deleted all my posts quite a few times over the years lmao)

[mementomoriifics]

Red Hot - Kirishima x Reader (NSFW)

Tags: Alpha/Beta/Omega dynamics, alpha!Kiri, omega!reader, mating cycles, mating bites, some blood, unprotexted sex (don't do this kids), knotting

Wordcount: 2475

Author's Note: Kirishima is 18+ in this fic. it's also a rework of an old fic from a deleted account so if you recognize this, shhh no you don't

AO3 link

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Living with Kirishima Eijiro currently felt like the biggest mistake you’ve ever made in your life.

Not because he was a bad roommate or anything, no, far from it. Kirishima was nothing if not courteous. He always paid his share of the rent and utilities on time, he gave you your space, gave you heads up about when he would be out of town and such. In short, a model roommate.

You’d even been eager as hell to move in with the man you’d called your best friend ever since high school. (And your crush but that’s a part you were very much denying)

In your eagerness, however, you’d overlooked two key factors.

One, you were an omega, he an alpha

Two, you would inevitably go into heat. In your shared living space. While the alpha was just in the other room, smelling like leather and strawberries and driving you absolutely mad.

When the inevitable happened, you’d ignored the red flags at first. Like how Kirishima smelled even better than he usually did. Or how it felt like someone had been dicking around with the thermostat. Or why you had started to hoard everything soft and comfortable in the apartment.

And as luck would have it, it didn’t dawn on you that your heat had started until it was much too late.

You woke up one morning, your head feeling like it was stuffed full of cotton balls. The next thing you noticed was how absolutely warm you felt, kicking off the blankets to get some fresh air. You were confused, until you felt how wet you were. Your thighs were coated in slick and panic rose in you.

You cast a glance at your alarm clock and shot a prayer to whatever deity was listening that Kirishima had already left for his shift two hours ago. Your worrying wasn’t over, though, as you fumbled with your phone while you were still coherent and called out of work.

Your boss, a beta you got along with decently well, was thankfully extremely understanding about the situation. Not that it made the entire ordeal less embarrassing.

The rest of the day you seemed to float by solely on your instincts. With the fuzzy feeling in your head persisting, you made a nest for a mate you didn’t have, piling together whatever clothes, pillows and blankets you could find. You’d even swiped Kirishima’s Crimson Riot branded blanket, one of his most prized possessions.

That made you feel guilty, just a little.

Said blanket, however, proved to be the anchor still keeping you grounded as your heat worsened. You would bury your face into it, Kiri’s scent filling your senses. It made you feel safe, protected in a way. Just like how Kirishima had always been that for you, like a rock for you to lean on, pun intended. So selfless and strong and handsome…

You had long foregone any sort of modesty, your hand having found its home between your trembling thighs as you kept pressing your face into the blanket you stole.

You felt guilty about doing so, but your instincts overpowered your rational thinking.

Kirishima hadn’t asked for this, for you to defile his stuff, for you to masturbate to the thought of him, and you were eighty percent sure your friend was pining after Bakugo. He had to be, with the awe he carried in his voice whenever the blond was brought up in conversation.

There was no way in hell he’d mate with you, or mark you, and you felt something akin to heartbreak at the thought of it all.

But your heat riddled thoughts were quick to dismiss your hurt, wanting nothing more than for Kiri to come home, find you a dripping wet mess and fuck pups into you. For those sharp teeth to sink into your shoulder to mark you, for his hands to grip your hips so hard he’d leave behind bruises. For him to wreck you completely. Your feelings were something you could sort through later. The only thing relevant now was the burning need that made itself your master.

Your fantasies about Kirishima were running rampant as you fingered yourself, three fingers knuckle deep inside yourself as you pictured them being his instead. You needed relief, you needed-

“Eijirou!”

You all but screamed as your climax washed over you, making your whole body shake at the intensity of it. Your face was dug into the blanket, taking in every bit of Kirishima’s scent still lingering on it. You were drooling, feeling achingly empty as your body contracted to milk a cock that wasn’t there.

You were panting, coming down from your high as you looked towards the door briefly, a vague part of you thinking of getting some water. That thought was quickly flung out the window as to your absolute horror, Kirishima stood in your doorway, gym bag falling from his hand.

Tears of embarrassment welled up in your eyes as you pulled the nearest object - that fucking blanket - over yourself to hide. To safe at least a little of your modesty, though you were pretty sure Kirishima now got an eyeful of all of you.

“Kiri, I’m sorry. I didn’t- I’m-”

You were properly crying at this point, dread and embarrassment coiling inside of your head. Your roommate and best friend had just caught you fucking yourself to the idea of him. How long had he stood there? How much had he seen?

God, if the earth could swallow you whole, you’d be grateful.

A sudden calming wave of Kirishima’s scent filled the room, forcing your shaking body to relax. You heard him come closer, the bed dipping as he sat down on it.

You refused to leave your self-made cocoon of shame, not wanting to face Kirishima right now. But it seemed he had different plans.

He carefully peeled the blanket away, his face almost matching his long, spiky hair as he looked at you. There was a look of concern etched on his face that took you entirely off guard.

“Are… Are you okay?”

You blinked a few times, a little baffled by his reaction to the situation. You nodded, biting your bottom lip and ignoring a fresh wave of tears.

“You were… You’re in-”

“-heat, yeah.” you finished his sentence, looking away and wanting nothing more than to hide under the blanket again.

Kirishima cleared his throat, shifting in place. Sweat started to appear on his forehead, his scent more potent.  It was obvious you were getting to him. Or rather, your heat was doing things to him. But sweet, sweet Kiri was too much of a gentleman to act on it. The feeling of guilt got worse and the tears finally spilled.

“Can I… Help?” He asked, his voice soft. You cast a sideways glance at him and he seemed to be giving you puppy eyes you didn’t think alpha’s were capable of.

Your heart both melted and broke a little bit. Kirishima was too kind for his own good, too caring. You didn’t deserve-

“What about Bakugo?” You blurted out, Kirishima looking very confused.

“What about-? What do you mean?” He asked, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Aren’t you,” you swallowed, looking down and second guessing your assumptions. “Aren’t you… In love with-”

You couldn’t even finish your sentence, the redhead laughing loudly. His shoulders shook with mirth as he doubled over, one hand on his stomach. Your face turned even redder, something you didn’t think possible at this point.

“What? No! Bakubro is bonded to Uraraka. He’s just my best buddy.” Kirishima snickered, still shaking with laughter. “I mean, sure he's kinda cute in a manly way but like,... He's taken, dude. Besides, I have a giant crush on you! I thought it was obvious.”

You froze, your heart skipping a beat. Your eyes widened as they darted to Kiri again, who’s face now definitely matched his hair, his smile fading.

“It wasn’t..?”

You shook your head, opening your mouth to say something but your heat thought otherwise. You crumpled forward, hand gripping Kiri’s bicep tightly as you moaned.

“Hey, easy!” Kirishima spoke, broad hands taking a hold of your upper arms to keep you steady. “I got you.”

The words were meant as reassuring but instead only fanned the flames that were in your lower stomach. It felt like you were burning up and it only got worse when you looked up at him.

Kiri’s pupils were dilated with desire, his mouth parted slightly as his breath came out in soft pants. His tongue darted out briefly to wet those kissable lips. You felt pinned in place by this stare and it made you feel so small and so fucking horny.

“Ei-chan. I need you, please.” You whined, using an old nickname you knew would get him. Eijirou growled, all but ripping his tank top off his body in his hurry to get undressed.

“Don’t worry, Omega. Your Alpha’s got you.”

You moaned loudly at the statement, back arching off the bed. Your hand found itself between your thighs again on instinct earning a soft "fuck." fron the alpha. Kirishima got up for a moment, ridding himself of his shorts and boxers, the seams of the garments protesting at his rough movements.

The scent radiating off of Eijirou grew more potent, more overwhelming. Your head swam with it and one instinctual thought came to the forefront of your lust-addled mind: He was going into a rut.

“Ei-chan. Please.” You moaned again, spreading your thighs for him in an attempt to coax him between them.

You eyed his length shamelessly as he stood there for a moment, taking in the sight of you. Your mouth started to water. It was bigger than you'd imagined, curving up deliciously. A black happy trail leading from Kiri's belly button down to the hard dick you wanted in you so damn bad it almost hurt.

The pro hero growled, having had enough of waiting and finally climbed between your legs. He pressed needy kissed against your neck and shoulders, taking in the smell of you.

“Patience. I’ll make you feel better soon.” He mumbled, one hand gripping your thigh and hiking it over his hip. You felt his length grind against you, gasping as the underside rubbed against your oversensitive clit.

“You made such a good nest for us.” He praised you, a warm feeling blooming in your chest. You wrapped your arms around Kirishima’s shoulders, digging your fingers in his waist length hair as he kept talking. “You will be such a good mom for our pups.”

“Give me- I need-” you whimpered, hands now gripping fistfuls of his hair, making the hero growl low in his chest.

“I will, Omega. I’ll give you exactly what you need.” He spoke, a hand reaching down so he could line his dick up with your entrance. With one, smooth thrust, he was knot deep in you, your head tipping back and exposing your neck in a quiet show of submission. Kirishima pressed kisses up and down the column of your throat, sharp teeth grazing the delicate skin there. He seemed to revel in the feeling of you around him but you wanted - no, needed - more.

You whimpered, moving your hips in an attempt to get him to fuck you. Kirishima, seemingly hellbent on drawing things out, nipped at your throat, a non verbal warning.

His senses seemed to return for a moment.

“Are you okay? Can I-?”

You nodded, wrapping your legs around Eijirou’s thick waist.

“Please, I’ve been ready since you caught me.” you half whined, half complained.

That was all the pro hero needed, dragging his length out of you at a painfully slow pace before thrusting back in so hard he almost knocked the wind out of you.

The pace he set was hard and a little rough, his hands and mouth gentle as he held you close, pressing kisses against any part of exposed skin he could reach.

“You smell so good, Omega. And you feel like heaven. So good. So… So… I want to-”

Kiri was lost for words, all the blood in his brain having vacated and moved south. His teeth gently scraped over the junction between your neck and shoulder, the place he could mark you. Where you wanted him to bite down badly.

He seemed to hesitate, his mouth parting and teeth nipping but never committing to a bite. It drove you to the brink of madness. You both wanted each other, right? Why was he hesitating?

After the so manieth nip of pointed teeth, one of your hands flew to the back of his head, trying to force him down. His pace slowed, fucking you gentle and deep. It made your head spin.

“Please, Ei-chan. Do it. Please.”

“Are you sure?” He asked. “Do you want me?”

“I’ve never wanted anything more in my life.” You spoke with more clarity than you had since you woke up.

Something in him seemed to snap and Kirishima pressed a quick kiss on the sensitive patch of skin before his lips parted, sharp teeth sinking into your skin. You cursed, holding onto Kirishima, your Alpha, for dear life.

Every fiber of your body seemed to sizzle with pleasure as the redhead pushed his knot into you. It took only a few, slow grinds of the alpha’s hips into yours for you to plummet over the edge, Eijirou groaning into the bite as he followed shortly after, knot swelling impossibly fat inside of you. The burning in your gut slowly faded, Kiri pulling back from your neck to look at you.

He looked borderline feral, hair a mess and blood staining his mouth. You smiled, gently smoothing down the unruly locks with shaky hands. He grinned at you.

“My Omega.” he said, smiling before he leaned down, nuzzling his nose against yours.

“My Alpha.” You echoed, leaning in and stealing a soft kiss for your… Boyfriend? Yes. Boyfriend. You liked how that sounded.

“’m tired.” You mumbled, hissing as Kirishima slowly withdrew his knot for you with an almost cartoonishly wet pop that made your face burn. The pro hero pressed a soft kiss on your forehead, gathering you up in his arms and sinking back into the nest. You felt wonderfully small and safe, cocooned in an embrace of muscle and red hair.

“Then rest up a bit. Then we’ll get cleaned up and we’ll get some food in you.” Eijirou said, smiling to himself as you snuggled into his pec.

“I want omurice.” You mumbled, already drifting off as fatigue set in. Kiri chuckled, pressing a kiss onto the crown of your head.

“Then I’ll make you omurice. Anything for my Omega.”

You grinned like an idiot as you quietly drifted off, safe in the arms of your Alpha.

[rayofsunas]

s/o has a mental/nervous breakdown.

A/n: hello everyone! I hope your day is going alright, and that you’re doing well 🥰 I recently hit 300+ folllwers, like Sunday morning, and omg, that was the best thing to wake up too 🥺❤️ thank you those new and old for following and taking a chance with my account and sometimes trashy works 🙃 I’m gonna make a longer post at some point saying my thanks and discuss what I plan to do to celebrate 300 followers. It would really mean a lot to me if you guys chimed in if you have any ideas, after all, this is a thanks to you and I want you all to be involved! also, if you saw my recent rambles about how a draft was deleted, it’s referring to this post... what I had written got deleted TWICE in the span of FIVE MINUTES. gosh I was so pissed, I almost screamed. mobile tumblr is not it 😔 but here we are. I hope you like this. I tried to write this three times.... 🤡 also, since I am not a doctor or anything, I put a link to possible symptoms/what a “mental breakdown” is, that’s in the warnings, just click the link, it helped with my accuracy. 

Summary: s/o has a mental/nervous breakdown.

Parings: Xiao/Reader, Scaramouche/Reader, Albedo/Reader, Childe/Reader (all fem reader)

Warnings: angst, mental breakdown (panic attacks, stress, anxiety, ptsd, hallucinations, insomnia) fluff, swearing, mentions of death, mentions of injury

Word count: 3.5k (whew after tumblr DELETING this draft twice here we are folks ;-;)

requested by @mintyhuening​ 

​

Xiao

he knew you weren’t okay at all

Xiao knew the moment you locked yourself in your house

at first he thought maybe you were just temporarily feeling this way, but as the weeks passed and you hadn’t come out, he decided maybe not

coming from someone who enjoyed silence and solitude he could understand the distancing part, but it had been weeks, and even he needed socialization, so why hadn’t you come out?

you spoke to him through the door a few times, letting him know you were alright

he didn’t believe that though, sure you were alive, but not alright, he was mainly checking for confirmation to see if you were still alive while he thought of a good way to approach the situation

he didn’t want to invade your privacy, but he also hated the fact that you wouldn’t come out, not even to see him

it was lonely without you, he concluded

even for someone who enjoy solitude 

you were a careful creature, but never this careful and cautious...

were humans always like this?

eventually, he couldn’t stand it, and did find other ways to get into your house

he grew antsy after pacing outside your door for days

he found you huddled in your bed, a heap of pillows and blankets surrounding you

you were shocked to see him when he’d sat down on the foot of the bed, causing it to dip significantly 

“How did you get in?” You snapped once you saw who it was. 

“I have my ways.” He said raspily. With a huff of annoyance, you were back to facing the wall, away from the Adepti. 

“It’s dark in here.” He announced matter a factly, looking around the nearly pitch-black room, windows and doors covered by sheets and hefty duty curtains. “It’s how I like it.”

“It’s not healthy.”

“I don’t care, go away.”

Xiao was starting to grow impatient surprisingly, he truly just wanted to help, why couldn't you see that?

“Being passive is not going to help the situation, please tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing, I’m just tired.”

He worried. If he said the wrong, would you push him away even further? If he said the right thing, would you even care? Did you want help?

Xiao moved closer to you, hand going to touch your leg, although it was underneath the blankets, you felt it and did have to admit the affection was comforting.

“Don’t do this to yourself,” Xiao said. “Your friends miss you, I miss you as well.”

Maybe if you weren’t cooped up here anymore, you would start to come around. The room and house all together were very stuffy, dark, and depressing, he despised it.

“It’s beautiful outside, come with me,” he'd whispered. “At least if you don’t want to be around people, could you allow me to take you to a secluded area?”

“The fresh air will do you good.”

You were thinking about it, you had to of been if you still cared. 

“Fine, mother.” He watched with hope in his eyes as you slowly rose from the bed, and began

The outside world was very very bright at first, enough to induce a headache. But you became used to it the more you were out.

Xiao stayed true to his word like you knew he would unless you wouldn’t have come. You were taken to a very secluded area, there wasn’t even a path or road to it, just green luscious grass, and crystal core everywhere, beautiful blue and orange ones; Anemo and Geo respectively. You weren’t sure where you were, somewhere between Mondstadt and Liyue, you assumed. 

The fresh air did wonders, Xiao had noticed. You seemed to open up. Telling him a little of the problem. You had told him about how life was just stressful right now, you hadn’t taken any commissions in weeks, spoken to any of your friends Mondstadt, hence why they had come to him, accusing him of kidnapping and brainwashing you. He was offended, nonetheless let them know that wasn’t the case. 

The ever so secluded Xiao would take you out more, slowly introducing you to crowds of people, and would still take you on daily walks to that secret place you now called your special spot.

It would take a while, he knew that, and you wouldn’t be comfortable doing everything that others around you did, maybe not for a while. He could respect that, as long as you allowed him to help and encourage you.

Scaramouche

being a harbinger was HARD, Scaramouche knew that, even if he didn’t admit it

admitting it was challenging, could lead to always being doubted or seen as incompetent. therefore, no one mentions how hard it is

he had been off doing his duties when he got news that you had lashed out at a few lower rank fatui on your team, resulting in you being called in to meet with The Tsaritsa... let's just say she went easy on you because you were one of her highest ranking soldiers, if not, she would've severely punished you

you were forced back to your sleeping quarters immediately to calm down, told to stay put until you could stop “lashing out like a child” as she had put it

you weren’t one to argue against The Tsaritsa, everyone knew that was common rule... so you walked back as calmly as you could without snapping at anyone else

when Scaramouche had heard how you acted, he was annoyed

the always so calm and calculated Y/n, lashing out at her fellow members? he couldn’t help but be annoyed, despite it being completely out of character of you

he had finished his duties relatively quick, wondering why you were acting so out of character 

when he got back, he found you in your sleeping quarters, pacing in front of the large windows near the furthest end of your room

you were still wearing your typical combat gear, though your hair disheveled and body language looking extremely anxious, he hoped it was not yours...

“What did you do this time?” Had asked the violet-eyed man, carelessly throwing his hat on your bed, lean arms folding across his chest.

No response. 

“Excuse me, I believe I asked you a question.”

A loud irritable huff.

“Be quiet for once in your life, Scaramouche.” You hissed, anxiously biting at your nails. “Sorry- I’m just trying to calm down, but my heart can’t stop racing.”

Scaramouche wasn’t the most in-touch person with his feelings, and out of all the harbingers, he was one of the more difficult ones to deal with.

Surprisingly, he had shut up, despite finding it difficult to hold his malicious comment back.  

“What’s wrong?” Your lover asked, more softly this time. 

“My mission today was... hard. I know you said it’s important for missions to just be a one and done; no hard feelings. And you know I’ve always been that way. But this one was different.” His eyebrows furrowed, his forehead creasing in annoyance. 

“I can’t help but think about what they did.” 

“Did you get what you went for? I heard you sought after information regarding that Knight, Aether.”

“Yes, but-”

“I’d call that a successful mission,” He stared intensely, casually moving to sit on the comfort of your bed. Of course, he wouldn’t take this seriously. “Any casualties?”

“None of our men, but-”

“I don’t see the problem.”

“There were children, three little children, and those idiots just slaughtered them.”

“Ah... I see.”

Despite stating he understood, he really couldn’t sympathize with what you were saying. Those children were enemies as long as they worked against The Tsaritsa. 

Your voice suddenly cut through the silence, staring directly into his eyes, “What if those were our children?”

“They weren’t.” Your eyes rolled at his comment. 

“But what if!” He rolled his eyes, mocking your previous action. 

“But they weren’t.” He mocked for a second time.  

“You’re not helping, Scaramouche!”

“You’ll never understand, unless you see what I saw,” He knew you were right to some degree, but even then would he feel bad? A mission was a mission after all.

“They were begging me to protect them, and the youngest, she would not let go of my arm and then the next thing I knew, they were dead.” You continued, left hand going to grip your right, he assumed to show him where and how the said girl had gripped you. You were still shaking, this time being closer, he noticed how bad it was. 

“They were pleading, I told them I would try my best, and then-” He had long ago stood, making himself present in front of you. His warm hands had grabbed your shaking ones harshly, ceasing the trembling momentarily. 

“Please, be quiet,” The sixth harbinger snipped. “I don’t like seeing you upset.” Although it sounded harsh, he was trying his best to make it sound how he felt, even if those feelings were minuscule towards this specific topic. 

“Although, I don’t agree with you about this particular concern of yours- I will do whatever you need to help you.”

Albedo

now, he may just be an alchemist, but trust me, Albedo sees the signs before anyone, he has some sort of familiarity with them due to his incessant reading

and it may have taken him longer to see the signs because of how busy he was, but he saw them

he was no fool to the likes of insomnia, in fact he knew it very well, often staying up very late into the night and morning, sometimes for days at a time

he was cooped up in his lab and it wasn’t as if his body wasn’t tired, cause hell he was, there was just s much more to learn and discover, his brain WOULD not stop, 

Albedo hadn’t known how long this had been going on for, but he was seeing signs now

ngl, he didn’t notice that you hadn’t been sleeping properly until one night he decided to accompany you in bed earlier than usual (It was three a.m, yikes), and found that you were awake still

you were lying still on your side of the bed, and if it hadn’t been for the fact that he reached over to kiss your cheek, only to see your eyes open, he would’ve assumed you were alright and asleep

“You’re awake?” The ashy-blonde man asked, sliding into bed next to you. 

“Can’t sleep.” You shrugged nonchalantly, scooting closer to him, seeking his warmth and comfort. 

“You should’ve come to get me, I would’ve come to bed earlier with you.”

“It’s alright, I peeked in to see if you were still alive,” You joked, he chuckled. “You seemed very busy.”

“Yes, but, I thought I told you to remind me when you need attention, I often get sidetracked and enamored with my work.”

“It’s quite alright, Albedo. As long as you’re sleeping.”

He hummed, whispering tired words of adoration in your ear. That carried on for a while, as long as talking about the day's work and whatnot, until you eventually questioned, “Can I play with your hair?” The gesture was sweet, and that did sound amazing right about now since he was on the brink of sleep, but just needed that little push. But weren’t you tired?

“Aren’t you tired?”

You sat up, climbing behind Albedo, gently placing his head in your lap. “I’ll go after you.” A soft smile adorned your beautiful face. “You need sleep, you stay up for Archon knows how long.”

He selfishly allowed his eyes to close and waited for sleep to accompany him while you began untangling his two braids and ponytail. You played with and braided his hair until he’d fallen asleep as you said. You stayed up the rest of the morning though.

Eventually, probably out of boredom, you fell asleep for an hour or two around five a.m. Though, unfortunately, you were back up before six. You busied yourself while Albedo slept, starting with cleaning his lab. Albedo often did not like people touching his books, paperwork, and findings, but after instructing you how to properly take care of his stuff, he welcomed your help with open arms, seeing as though his lab was ALWAYS in shambles from not having enough time to take care of things himself.

Albedo surprisingly woke up around nine, wavy hair surrounding him like a lion, you chuckled to yourself at the sight. “How did you sleep?”

“Alright, considering my sleep schedule is nonexistent a lot of the time.” You nodded, bumping shoulders teasingly. “How about you?” 

“Okay,” You said, immediately changing the subject. “I woke up early, so I cleaned your lab, I hope it’s to your likings, Kreideprinz.” You teased, bowing at the waist.

The alchemist waved you off, with a smile. “We’ll see about your organizational skills after you eat.” 

How had he known?

“You haven’t eaten yet, have you?” Albedo asked, heading in the direction of the kitchen.

“That obvious.” You wondered trailing after him. 

“You always wait for me, darling.”

- 

“You look exhausted.” Albedo’s concerned voice cut in through the smooth Mondstadt breeze. You had been so distracted with the discovery in front of you, you hadn’t realized your boyfriend was staring directly at you. “When was the last time you slept?” He glanced back down at the discovery, still listening, but if you didn’t speak soon he’d be lost in his world again.

“A day or two, but-” Albedo probably got whiplash from how hard he’d snapped his head to face you, but now he was staring at you with features reading nothing but shock, cerulean eyes blown wide.

“I think your bad sleeping schedule is contagious.” You joked, trying to make the situation lighter-hearted. He didn’t laugh. 

Albedo was more serious this time, proving it when he faced you completely. “What’s been going on?” His voice was soft, but he was extremely worried. 

Nervousness built up in his lover's body. “Nothing! I just-” You sighed. Might as well tell him the truth, he’d coerce the answer from you no matter what it took. “It’s been harder to sleep after my injury from that ruin guard. When it hit me, I banged my head against the concrete, and ever since I guess it’s been hard to sleep.” 

“You could've told me sooner. I would have stopped everything and anything for you.” Yes, that was true, that was the problem though. You didn’t want to be coddled like a baby

“I know, I’m not sure why I didn’t... Naturally, I don’t want to worry you.”

He moved closer to you so he could cradle your face in his hands. “You can always tell me anything you know that.”

“I understand that. You’re a busy man so-”

“From this moment on, my work will be dedicated to finding a cure for you.”

You panicked, not wanting to stop his work for the likes of what you were dealing with. “What? Wait no-”

“You can’t stop me, darling. You take precedence over everything.”

Albedo made it his goal to do whatever possible to help you. Whether it be spending days in his lab making concoctions in hopes of creating something that could safely aid you with sleep. Or he’s in the libraries, reading all the books on the wellness and health of humans. He’s already on top of it the minute you expressed your concerns. In the meantime, he’s going to make sure he goes to bed with you much earlier, and won’t go until you do, to ensure you’re resting.

We love sweet caretaker Albedo.

(I understand insomnia can have other causes, not just a mental or nervous breakdown, but it’s kind of implied when reader hurt her head that she’s not well.)

Childe

Childe is simply not going to know your not well, he just won’t, it’s not that he doesn’t care, it’s more so the fact that he has a hard time paying attention to anything other than his missions and duties, he does not want to slow down

you have to show signs or tell him to realize

he decided to take a break though, seeing as he did promise you dinner tonight. he told you it would be his treat, since he did have a bunch of Mora lying around that he simply had no other use for

he figured a nice dinner and trip to one of the nicer cities with more to offer would be nice, he would buy you anything you desired

it was nearing the time for dinner though, and the reservations had already been made, so when he was left waiting, let's just say he was irked...

if you didn’t want to show up, you would’ve told him, so maybe you forgot? he concluded that couldn’t be it

the last time he’d brought it up, two days ago, you had been so excited you couldn’t sit still nor stop talking about it

asking a few people around town if you had been spotted anywhere, some said you had wandered off to Luhua Pool, something about there being a myth about special healing properties within the water

now he was even more confused

one, you NEVER went to Luhua Pool, there was never a need to do so

two, special healing properties? why would you need that? were you hurt in his absence?

you were his family, and he loved his family more than anything, so if something was wrong, he’d do whatever it took to help you

he traveled from Snezhnaya to Luhua Pool in record speed

he did find you eventually, the sun was setting, but thanks to the glowing water he could make your form out easily

you were hunched over, in what looked like to be some simple greenish cloth dress, he couldn’t see what you were doing, and called out your name

no answer

“Hey, what’re you doing here?” The orange-haired teen asked, crouching down beside his lover to see what was wrong.

“Cleaning.” You had said. That’s when his dull blue eyes traveled to what you were doing, watching with a confused stare as you scrubbed at what seemed to be clean hands.

“Hmm, I see...” He couldn’t tell if this was a prank or not, you usually played along with his teasing nature. “Are you ready for dinner?”

“Was that really today?” Your head lifted, leaving your hands to momentarily hanging in the air, water droplets dripping off into the pool.

Okay... so you did forget it seemed, which did shock him seeing as though you were over the moon, less than seventy-two hours ago.

“Uh, yeah, did you really forget? That’s unlike you! I’ve learned women don’t forget anything.” He teased, hand going to his chin. You hummed, turning back to do whatever it was you had been previously.

The harbinger frowned. “Do you still want to go? We can make it if we’re fast.” You sounded like a robot, much like a ruin guard, he concluded. 

“I’m sorry, not today, I’m dirty...”

Childe couldn’t help but chuckle, “Dirty? Sweetheart, you’re cleaner than most people I’ve seen, what’re you on about-” 

“The blood, it’s stained my hands, can’t you see?” Even after holding your hands to show him, he saw nothing resembling blood. 

“Are you playing games with me? Sure, it would’ve been funny any other day, not today though-” 

“You don’t believe me?” You sounded hurt, but whatever was going on, he wouldn’t feed into these... false hallucinations. “The townspeople said the same thing, they called me crazy...” You scrubbed even harder at your hands, letting out a frustrated huff. 

“I don’t see anything, I’m really sorry,” He said gently, reaching into the water to grasp your warm hands in his, “But if you continue to do that...I will see the blood.”

Childe was not sure what was going on, maybe some sort of PTSD? Although, he wasn’t sure where it could’ve come from... you’re not a harbinger or fatui, or anyone that is engaged in battle, etc. so it didn’t make sense. Unless something happened that decided to resurface now. 

He immediately took you home, hand in his to keep you from further scratching your hands. On the journey, you often asked, “Why are you even touching me? There’s a lot of blood.” 

He didn’t want to have to feed into whatever was going on, worried he’d damage you somehow, and he didn’t want to make you sound crazy, so instead he said, “Because I love you.”

When you both arrived home, he’d immediately laid you in bed, saying you appeared tired before going to search for a doctor.

Child will see every and all doctors in Teyvat and will pay whatever amount necessary to figure out what’s wrong, that’s for sure. Doesn’t take orders from the harbingers (not like he was anyways) and opts to stay close to you at all times. 

He decided to keep his teasing to a minimum, though he found that sometimes things slipped out accidentally, he’d do anything in his power to help you.

1.18.21, rayofsunas 

[stablersolivia]

Some EO Ramblings

I've been in a fandom funk for the last several months.

It really shouldn't be that way but it has been that way for me. I mean, we have EO. It seems to be on its way to canon when it never seemed possible in all the years I've been in the SVU/EO fandom (dating back to the ancient times of 2011 el oh el.) The fandom is alive and well, probably the most active since 2011, and Chris and Mariska are so good to us fans. I feel like I should send a special virtual hug to them for all they have done and given us when they don't have to. There's also been an influx of fanfiction, video edits, tweets, gif sets, etc and a myriad of other things that have kept up our spirits in between seasons and hiatuses.

However, I still, personally, feel in a funk. Not sure why. I haven't been able to read fanfiction in ages. At least not any long fics. I've been in a bit of a battle with t*mblr because they deleted eofanfiction which I created back in 2016 to place all the seemingly lost classic svufanfiction.com fics. It had been an archive haven for 5 years. Then poof, not anymore.

I've also felt a bit displaced on twitter since starting my new account. I'd been on my old one since 2012, and just wanted a fresh start. But, all my old tweets and memories are gone and nothing to show for all the years I've spent keeping my own memory of EO alive all these years.

I've not felt like creating much. I've dabbled in fan-fiction, video editing, and most often, graphics. I've a BA in graphic design, guess you can say it's my passion, *wink wink*. But it seems nothing inspires me anymore. I feel like my mind is saying, "well it's happening now, no need to do any of that," which makes no sense. There are dozens upon dozens of people writing, editing, etc. because it's all happening and it should be celebrated after all the years we suffered abuse from anti EO'ers, haha.

But, I've just lost my own inspiration. While I have completely stopped video editing (I absolutely have no patience) and reading fic, I have tried to keep myself writing, hoping that it gets me in the mood to read again. In a way, it almost feels like I don't know these characters on screen right now like I used to. So, in order to read or write them, I need to figure it out for myself. There are so many interpretations, variations, of these two characters right now, that finding something that feels right for them in your own mind is important yet a bit of a struggle.

I used to spend hours, days, weeks, months reading fanfics. I used to read them in between studying for tests in college not so long ago, I used to binge read one after the other and didn't worry about storylines blending.

EO potentially happening is freaking me the fuck out creatively! In all those years of writing, editing, graphic-ing, tweeting, tumbling, there was a bit of longing in hoping they would finally come into fruition. It was a collective fan effort manifesting what we all agreed as a once in a lifetime pairing finally getting together on screen. (I mean we all saw that OC promo for next week, they want us dead, dead. I can't stop watching it).

So, if anybody else feels this way, or understands what I'm saying in any way, I'm glad there's someone else. However menial, it's a good funk to be in but also a bit intriguing, confusing, exciting and all around terrifying.

For anyone else who doesn't, I'm sorry for this long rambling post, I'm just in my feels.

EO could be endgame by the end of Season 23/OC 2... or pretty damn close.

What happens after that - after all of our dreams come true after 22 years?

[unbound-space-trash]

Tagged by @oonajaeadira 💜 one day I’ll get tagged in one that I can tag you in first

1. Why did you choose your url? I’m not entirely sure why I chose it, I just know that I was like “hmm, I’m trash, why not be space trash!”

2. Any side blogs? yeah, @roll-for-stupid is my Critical Role sideblog because I wasn’t quite ready to let it go when I deleted my old main. I completely set that one back up before I did anything with my new main

3. How long have you been on Tumblr? this account is baby, but I’ve been on tumblr since 2009, maybe end of 2008 (and hooooly shit I just realised how long ago that was o.o )

4. Do you have a queue tag? no queue because I can not be fucked

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place? for a fresh start. like I said, I’ve been on tumblr for like, 13 years, and I’d had the same account right up until the beginning of this year. too many people I know irl were following me (and only a couple of them were people I still liked), and I wanted to go back to that delightful nerdy anonymity

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp? because it wasn’t my face. I’m actually thinking of changing it

7. Why did you choose your header? bisexual flag? bisexual user? the math is easy on that one ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

8. What’s your post with the most notes? probably the first fic that I wrote when I dove into the Mandalorian fandom

9. How many mutuals do you have? lmao like, 8

10. How many followers do you have? 43

11. How many people do you follow? 114

12. Have you ever made a shitpost? alllll the time, they’re usually Critical Role related ones though, so they’re on my side

13. How often do you use Tumblr each day? ... I don’t think I’m quite ready to embarrass myself by answering that...

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? yeah, years ago when I broke off a toxic friendship that person got one of their friends to try to bully me

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts? the ones that are like “you’re a bad person if you ignore this” to guilt trip people into reblogging them? I ignore them out of spite. I’m trying to get better at reblogging fics, but I’m still so used to hiding that part of me for so long

16. Do you like tag games? I love them

17. Do you like ask games? yuppers

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous? you’re all famous in my heart 💜

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual? all o’ y’all 💜

20. absolutely no pressure tags: @omgreally @beefcakebarnes @clints-lucky-arrow

[sometipsygnostalgic]

Wtf....

I talked yesterday about how profound I found this line when it was reprised in "The Cooler". Turns out I named it the Blog Title of my main account back in 2014 and COMPLETELY FORGOT until today.

I named it this because I was making a fresh start after deleting my adventure time blog, just like how pb made a fresh start at the end of the ep by destroying her cameras 😂 i loved the ending of the ep so much. The Cooler was the last ep to air before I deleted my old account too. (I was going through some issues and had the Big Brained idea of cold turkeying from the AT fandom, only to end up in homestuck hell)

Dunno why I forgot about this since it's been my main's blog title for OVER SIX YEARS.

I really like the title for THIS blog. "Pumpkin Party in Sea Hitler's War Apocalysps*". Not as profound but I deliberately wanted to get the stick out of my ass.

[greasykookietree98]

Worth the Wait | bbh

Pairing: ceo!Baekhyun x chef!OC (named)

Warnings: Tooth rotting fluff, Baekhyun being the cringey dad we know he’ll become one day; also some slight angst if you squint real hard

Word Count: 7,5K

Synopsis: It was a calm Sunday afternoon in the Byun household, before Baekhyun got all sentimental again.

A/N: So after years of not writing shit and deleting all my old, cringey work, here I am, back with a fresh, new, cringey work. Consider it my “Hey! I’m back! Happy Valentine’s or whatever!” gift. Hopefully 5 years of English at a university helped me somewhat – constructive criticism is well appreciated!

  “Dad, why do you keep calling noona a monkey?” the toddler inquired, sparkling eyes wide, munching on his favorite banana chips, while comfortably sitting on his father’s lap. Baekhyun brought a hand up to ruffle his son’s soft hair, earning a soft giggle from the 3-year-old. The house was peaceful this Sunday afternoon, almost idyllic even. Jaehyun was paying attention to his favorite cartoon while cuddling his father. Mina sat on the carpet in front of the couch, doodling mindlessly to her newest glittery notebook, occasionally taking a sip from her juice box. From the kitchen he could hear the clanking of dishes, the contact of knives and wooden cutting boards, a sure indicator that Mirae was working on something delicious.

  Upon Jae’s question, Mina put her crayon down and turned with her entire body towards the two Byuns, her lips slowly forming into a pout. “Yeah Dad, why do you call me a monkey, but not Jaehyunnie?”

  “Well princess, it all has to do with the time your mom and I started dating. Story time?” Baekhyun patted the couch next to his free leg, signaling for the 10-year-old to sit and cuddle him as well. With both kids in his arms, his smile widened as he fondly remembered the very beginning of his happy family.

  “It’s so useless, Chae. He won’t want a second date after he finds out. Why put in all the effort?” Mirae sighed, defeated almost, as she threw the black dress on top of the pile of rejects on her bed. She was really getting tired of this whole procedure – getting all dolled up for a man, just for him to zoom out the moment she spoke out about her life, leaving her empty, unwanted, hopeless until her best friend came up with another potential date. Rinse and repeat. See, the problem didn’t inherently lie with Mirae. She was 28, lead a healthy lifestyle with a decent diet and regular workouts. She had a steady job, one she was actually enjoying, one she could be proud of – not everyone from her culinary classes ended up as chefs in top restaurants. She had an at least okay personality, she liked to think at least. All her previous first dates seemed eager to get her on a second date, until her worst (best?) trait came to play. Honesty. She couldn’t leave a date without spilling the truth about her little secret. The little secret weighed 16 kgs, liked to have her chocolate brown hair in pigtails and couldn’t go a day without her Tigger plushie. Her little secret was Shin Mina, her daughter from a previous relationship.

  It always ended the same way. The men usually let her down slowly. Kind smiles, small promises of ‘see you soon’ before never texting her again. There were some, of course, who were appealed that she did not have this information readily available from the first second, did not have it plastered on her forehead – or her cleavage, for easier visibility for that matter. These men got angry that they wasted precious time and money on a women who already gave birth to someone else’s spawn – their words, not hers. She tried to react the same way to all of them. A small apology, a gentle smile and a tiny goodbye. She then entered her small apartment, went straight to Mina’s room to check on her sleeping daughter, pressing a soft kiss on her cheek before going out to the living room. The living room where her best friend, frequent babysitter and constant matchmaker, Chaeyon waited for her with tissues, ice cream and warm hugs. It always ended the same way.

  “Well for a start, this guy actually had the guts to ask you out – in person! Not on a dating app, not with some horrible pickup line, what if he’s really different?” Chae reasoned enthusiastically, throwing another dress Mirae’s way. It was rich coming from her, considering she was the one running Mirae’s dating app accounts, “filtering out” candidates before setting dates up for her. But she had a point. This guy, Byun Baekhyun, really was different. Never had a customer in the restaurant she worked at complimented her cooking while also noting her lack of wedding ring and asking smoothly for her number. Never had a man asked her every hour or two whether she was having a good day and if she remembered to drink enough water – even before their first date. Baekhyun was a natural charmer, which could’ve made everything easier. Instead, Mirae felt it would just be an even bigger disappointment when he deleted her number from his contacts with disgust in his eyes.

  Because let’s face it, Baekhyun was perfect. Fit, handsome, easygoing, yes. He was the CEO of his own company, Privé, one of the region’s hottest fashion and skin-care brands. If she were to go by the loud laughs of the friends he was dining with, he seemed fun to be around and for some reason she got the impression he would be amazing with kids. With his own kinds, preferably, she added. Cause why would a man of his caliber want to have to do anything with someone else’s child?

  “I can’t build my daughter’s future on what-ifs, Chae… I’m sure it’s not good for Minnie either. Seeing her mom go away for nights and seeing her all sad the next morning. I think I should just stop. Mina’s enough for me, I will always have her and she will always have me. Yeah, I don’t need a man to live a happy life!” She started rambling as she suddenly got up from her bed.

  “Okay, okay, calm down, fighter. You’re not wrong, you’re independent, you’re strong, you don’t need anyone. I’m also sure Mina is more than content to just have you and no one else. But! Mommy needs a little love sometimes, too.” Chaeyon winked, earning a slap on her upper arm from her friend. “Seriously, don’t leave Baekhyun hanging. Just this one last time, give this whole ordeal a chance. If it doesn’t work out with him, either, I promise to delete your dating profiles and not set up you with anyone, ever.” She promised, a hand rising to his chest.

  “I’d really appreciate that, Chae. I really appreciate you. Thank you for everything you do for me, for us.” Mirae pulled her best friend into a bone crashing hug, then grabbed the silky dress from her hands and went into her bathroom to get ready for her last date ever, potentially.

    Baekhyun waited anxiously in front of the restaurant. Wasn’t this too cliché? Bringing a chef to a restaurant for their first date? He scolded himself for listening to Jongdae’s advice – “You can get to know her the best this way, also, a way to anyone’s heart is through their stomachs”. Sure, Jongdae already had a family, so his advice should’ve sounded legit. Well, she didn’t seem to protest, even let him pick the location. She didn’t let him pick her up, tho, insisting that she can just take a taxi.

  Honestly, Baekhyun was never one to ask someone out so openly. Sure, he knew how to use his charms and words to his advantage, as it was how he fought his way to the top of his field, but flirting never came to him so naturally. What was he even thinking? Sure, his friends wanted to compliment the chef personally, a practice he always found cringeworthy, but the moment he saw her, all common sense was thrown out the wall-to-wall window of the five-star establishment. She gave him the time of day though, so he must’ve done something right.

  Just as he lifted the bouquet of yellow tulips to his nose – for one last closer inspection, he told himself -, a car stopped in front of his black Audi. If he didn’t know any better, he would say it was an angel emerging from the taxi – in his mind, he wasn’t too far off, it was her. Thanking the driver one last time, Mirae fixed the strap of her black bag on her shoulder, scanning her surroundings carefully before meeting Baekhyun’s gaze. Her lips perked up into a small smile, and she made her way quickly towards him, him doing the same so they could meet halfway. Shy greetings were exchanged before Baekhyun handed her the bouquet. He blushed slightly, thankfully hidden in the darkness of the night.

  The date was – for a lack of a better word – exceptional. While Mirae was completely ready to listen to endless hours of boring business talk from the young CEO, Baekhyun seemed a lot more interested in getting to know her than most of her recent dates. He asked about her childhood dreams, her deepest fears and most memorable trips and told her about himself in return. The conversation was balanced and Baekhyun was not opposed to taking her recommendations in consideration when it came to choosing appetizers, wine or dessert. Dessert! She couldn’t even remember the last time she and her date stayed until dessert. However, the closer the end of the date seemed, the more tense she got. It was soon time to tell him. It was soon all come crashing down again.

  “Let me drive you home” Baekhyun spoke up, breaking her out of her momentary haze. Seeing as he was just putting away his credit card, it was clear he has paid for everything already.

  “Did you really pay for all of this? Let me pay half of it” She protested, not even reacting to his initial proposition. A smile creeped up on his face upon seeing her surprise. Gosh, did he wanted to surprise her more in the future.

  “Maybe I’ll let you pay on our second date” He mentioned while helping her put on her coat. “If you’ll want to meet me again, that is.” He added, a glimmer of hope etched into his voice.

  It won’t depend on me, honestly, she wanted to add, but chose to just smile at him kindly. They exited the restaurant and Baekhyun didn’t need to do much convincing to let him take her home. She could enjoy these last few minutes with him; and it would be easier to just walk up to her apartment with her heart broken once more.

  The car round was silent on her part. Baekhyun played music on a low volume, but tried to upkeep small conversation. He could sense that something was off. He couldn’t have imagined this spark between them back in the restaurant. He could swear her smiles and laughs were genuine and she truthfully seemed interested in him. Byun Baekhyun, the 29-year-old human, not Byun Baekhyun, the CEO, the ATM on two legs. Did he say something? Was she offended that he paid the bill?

  “Hey, is everything alright?” He questioned after parking the car right in front of the address she gave him. “I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable. If I did, I’m terribly sorry.”

  “No, no, that’s not it-“ Mirae took a deep breath and unbuckled her seatbelt. Turning towards him, she inhaled deeply once more. “I really enjoyed everything today. I can’t even begin to tell you, how much. You’re wonderful, so I think you deserve full honesty from me.” She fumbled with her fingers, voice suddenly small. “This is the part where all of them change their mind, so don’t feel bad at all, I understand.” Baekhyun would’ve lied if he said her words didn’t concern him. What was she talking about? After another deep inhale, she looked up, deep into his eyes. “I have a daughter, 4 years old, from a previous relationship.”

  “Okay, and?” was Baekhyun’s immediate response. He was honestly expecting something truly terrible, jarring, something a lot worse.

  “And? You’re not – I don’t know – mad? Disappointed? You don’t want to kick me out of your car as soon as possible?” She queried, absolutely puzzled by his reaction. “You really don’t have to act nice, I sincerely understand if you never want to see me again.”

  “I feel like you’ve had some pretty big assholes bring you on a date before, hm?” He gave her a lopsided smile. “If anything, I admire you even more. You’re a single mother, you work a tiring job and still make time for hopeless men like myself. But I think this is a bigger topic, something we could discuss on our second date. What do you say?” He leaned over to her, pressing a small kiss on her cheek. Her exes grew twice their size – because of his words or the small peck, she wasn’t sure.

  “I-… You really won’t stand me up, right? Because if you’re planning to do that, just do it now. It would be easier for both of us.”

  “Hey, I promise, this is not me pushing you away with an empty promise to never call you again. This is me, wanting to hear you full story, in a place and time you’re comfortable in. I don’t think my car’s the most ideal. How about this? Give me your phone?” She was so dazed, she put her phone in his palm without question. “This is my address. Which night are you free this week? Our second date can be at my place, I can cook us something, we can eat and watch a movie, and when you’re comfortable, you can tell me everything about her.” He gave back the device, sure enough with an address typed into her notes.

  “I could make my Wednesday night free, if that works.” She answered shyly. The inside of the car was getting hotter with every second. Or was it just her? Was it because this man could not be real?

  “Perfect, it’s a date then. Want me to pick you up or do you just want to drop by at 7?”

    “Chae, you don’t understand, he’s perfect.”

  This night, tissues were not spared. Ice cream was eaten, but not in sorrow. Mirae felt like she was floating on cloud 9. Maybe she was. Maybe it was all a dream – it sure seemed to good to be true.

  “Oh, is he now, Miss I Don’t Need A Man?” Her friend teased smugly. Oh, she was never gonna live this down.

  “No, really, I still can’t believe he wants a second date. What if it actually works out?”

  “Oh, we’re building on what-ifs now, Drama Queen?”

  “Shut up!”

    “Mommy, you look really pretty!” Mina exclaimed excitedly as soon as her mother exited her bedroom in her light jeans and blush colored blouse. She felt a lot more relaxed than in last week’s beautiful but restricting dress. “and happy, too!”

  “Thank you, sweetie” she cooed before she swept the little human in her arms. “Do you promise to behave for eonnie while mommy’s not home, like you always do?”

  “Of course, mommy!” She clapped her tiny hands together, right before leaning in and leaving a big smooch on her mom’s cheek. “Who are you meeting, mommy?”

  “I’m just visiting a friend I met this weekend, honey. I might be home late, so go to sleep with Chaeyon eonnie, okay?”

  After making sure Chae had all necessities at hand to deal with her little princess, Mirae put on her boots and coat, kissing her daughter one last time before exiting the apartment. This time, she decided to drive to Baekhyun’s instead of calling a taxi. She was a bit early, as she liked to be, when she parked in front of the simple family house in Gangnam. Was it really where Baekhyun lived? Wasn’t he living alone? Before she could question herself any longer, Baekhyun’s tuft of chocolate hair appeared at the front door, cheerfully waving towards her car. Quickly exiting and locking the vehicle, she hurried to the door with a bottle of wine in her hand.

  Baekhyun really outdid himself with the preparation. The table was set nicely for the two of them, and from the dining room she could see the living room couch decorated with soft looking pillows and blankets. While he was opening the wine bottle, she took a good look at the table full of side dishes and delicious food. Baekhyun’s soft voice, only slightly above a whisper, snapped her out of her thoughts. “I realize this is now the second date I took a chef on a date where she had to eat food probably worse than she can make at home, but I hope you don’t mind too much.”

  “And this is the second date I’m wearing my own clothes instead of the ones you designed, yet you don’t seem too bothered about it either” she joked lightly, hoping to ease his nerves – and simultaneously her own, too. A genuine smile appeared on Baekhyun’s face before his chuckle filled the whole room.

  Once they sat down and started eating they easily fell into conversation. How their week went so far, the plans they had for the rest of it. It was so easy talking to each other, almost like they’d known each other for far longer than the week they actually had. And just like before, Mirae could feel the heavy topic of her private life creeping up on her. As if reading her mind, Baekhyun spoke up, wine glass in one hand. “You know, you don’t have to tell me anything you’re not comfortable with. But I’d really like to know about your story, your daughter.” And yet again, with only a few words he managed to put her mind at ease, as if it was the easiest thing on Earth to tell him everything. He suggested moving to the couch, leaving the empty dishes on the table. He started clicking buttons on the remote of the TV, a seemingly endless list of movies appearing on screen shortly after. While he was reading through the titles, Mirae made herself comfortable between the pillows and blankets. “Have you seen Enola Holmes? I never got around to watching it.”

  “I haven’t either, we can watch that” she replied, smiling at him when she realized he turned his whole body towards her when he asked for her opinion. After starting the movie, he also made his way to the couch, sitting down a bit further away from her than he would’ve originally liked to, but he didn’t want to invade her personal space. Not yet, at least. He grabbed a pillow and put it in his lap, pulling his legs up on the couch so that his body was turned towards her. After a few minutes of comfortable silence, her body also turned towards him, her lips curling into a nervous smile. “Mina’s 4 years old. She’s going to kindergarten now and she absolutely loves it. She only made two friends, but she plays with them all the time and I’m really happy she could fit in. I was really worried, her not having a father when all her peers are picked up by theirs almost every day. She still sees him once every month, but I don’t think she enjoys spending time with him.”

  “Oh, so he’s dad is around?” slipped out of Baekhyun’s mouth before he could think it through. Eyes widening in panic he tried saving the situation. “I mean, that’s good, right? Or is it? I’m sorry, I don’t even know what I’m saying” his rambling earned him a hearty chuckle and a small smile.

  “Yeah, I’m happy that he finally came around and wanted to see his daughter. I mean, I wasn’t expecting much when he left with another girl only a week after I told him I was pregnant” she mentioned bitterly. It was a hard topic, not something she could take lightly, but it was her kneejerk reaction to stress. They continued like this, Mirae talking about her horrible experiences, white slight jokes sprinkled into the stories and Baekhyun reassuring her for the best of his abilities. Honestly, he could’ve easily gone out and beat the guy to a pulp for what he has done to her and her daughter. He knew better though, he knew she was fully capable of dealing with that jerk as much as she needed to, but he just couldn’t help this overwhelming urge to protect her at all costs. He was sure once he met Mina, he would feel the same about the little girl, too.

  “Do you want to see some pictures of her?” she asked shyly, and Baekhyun accepted within a fraction of a second. She scooted closer to him on the couch, his legs returning to the ground to give her space beside him. With her phone in hand she opened her gallery, full of pictures of food and a little girl. With every picture she showed came a small story – it started raining when we were in the park, she loves puddles, so she immediately jumped into one and she wanted to dress as Remy from Ratatouille, but we decided to stick with Colette in the end. With every little piece she revealed of herself, Baekhyun’s arms inched closer and closer, to the point where it was no going back from hooking his arm around her waist, pulling her closer to him. While caught off guard, she didn’t seem to dislike his close proximity. The movie still played in the background, but neither of them knew what the story was about. She put her phone away after a while, cuddling into his side and leaning her head on his shoulder. It all just felt right. With her previous dates, Mirae was always cautious about skinship and touching, but with Baekhyun it all seemed to come naturally.

  Once the end credits started rolling, Netflix already recommending the next movie to watch, Baekhyun reluctantly left his comfortable cocoon, and with that, her embrace, to turn the streaming service off. Mirae was almost dozing off underneath the warm blankets, and he hadn’t the heart to disturb her peace. When he started walking towards the dining area, all intentions of cleaning up, she also rose from the couch, following him with a smile plastered on her face. “Need help?”

  “You’re the guest, no work for you here” he answered softly, pestering a small kiss on the top of her head. His gesture made her cheeks heat up, momentarily speechless as he started cleaning up the aftermath of their dinner. With him refusing her help, she sat down on a chair next to the dining table, watching him move around the space smoothly. “There’s a carnival just outside the city, do you think Mina would enjoy it?” A kitchen towel was flung across his shoulder, dirty plates in one hand, empty wine glasses in the other. The implications of his question were deeper than she was prepared for. She honestly hasn’t thought much about introducing anyone to Mina lately, since she didn’t have any worthy candidates. Baekhyun, however, was different. She had no doubt Mina would warm up to him easily, he seemed to have that effect on anyone he wanted to. Wouldn’t it be too soon though? How long should she wait? These times, she really wished there was a guidebook to dating as a single parent, telling her exactly what was right and what wasn’t. But there wasn’t, and she decided then and there: she would give Baekhyun a chance.

    “Mommy, can I bring Tigger to the carni-war?” Mina asked excitedly, jumping around the living room with her favorite plushie in her hand.

  “It’s called a carnival, honey” she corrected her, pulling down her fluffy baby blue sweater to make sure she was properly covered in the chilly autumn morning. “And I think it’s best if Tigger stays home today. What if we lose him? He’ll wait for you to come home, right here” she placed the toy on the couch, sitting up. “Now go grab your bag, sweetie, Baekhyun will be here soon.”

  She didn’t even need to finish her sentence, her child was already running down the corridor, towards her room. Last night they had the big talk. Mommy’s friend, Baekhyun was coming over and taking them to the carnival. Mommy’s friend, Baekhyun is really nice and she doesn’t need to be afraid of him. Mommy’s friend, Baekhyun is really excited to meet her, so she should behave. Mommy really likes her friend, Baekhyun, just like in the movies, so she needs private agent Mina’s help to determine if he really is a good man. She hoped being a girl on a mission would ease Mina’s mind enough to not be too nervous around Baekhyun. She wasn’t particularly afraid of strangers, but she tended to be shy. Mirae was also afraid she would associate spending time with a grown man to spending time with her father, which she always threw a fuss about. She always said her dad was boring, that they just watched cartoons and ate fast food when she was at his place. Mirae scolded him every time for this, but things never changed. Just as Mina arrived at her feet, Hello Kitty backpack on her shoulders, there was a knock on the door. “Woo, he’s here!” the toddler exclaimed and Mirae couldn’t help but chuckle as she went to open the door. There he stood, dressed in his own streetwear, eyes shining, grin wide, with a bouquet of yellow tulips in his hand. After letting him in and thanking him she excused herself to the kitchen to search for a vase. When she came back, to her biggest surprise, Baekhyun was crouching in front of Mina, handing her a very small bouquet of various colorful flowers.

  “Shin Mina, what do we say?” She scolded playfully, arms crossed in front of her chest.

  “Thank you!” She bounced happily, running towards her mother with the flowers in her hand. “Mommy, look”

  “It’s really pretty, sweetie” Mirae picked her up, the little girl already too heavy for her to carry for longer periods. “Let’s find a glass you can put them in so they don’t get sad.”

  After putting their flowers in water, the two girls returned to the smiling CEO, Mina still having an excited bounce in her step. They were soon leaving the apartment, Baekhyun carrying Mina’s car seat to install in his car before letting Mirae strap her in the proper way. The drive to the carnival wasn’t too long, especially since Mina for some reason couldn’t keep her mouth shut. She kept telling stories to Baekhyun and asking him questions he never thought he would have to be ready for – Baekhyunnie do you think the sky is so blue because there’s so much water in it? Baekhyunnie why is unhealthy food so delicious and healthy food so- so- broccoli!. Mirae heavily enjoyed how flustered he got when trying to answer her nonsensical queries, trying his hardest to please the toddler with his answer.

  Saying that Mina went wild at the carnival would be a big understatement. Colorful rides, delicious smelling treats at every corner, it’s safe to say she was nearly overwhelmed with excitement. She wanted to sit on every ride, eat a sample of all the food and never rest. Mirae also learned a lot about Baekhyun on that date. Like when they were buying sandwiches and Mina offered him a bite of her own, Baekhyun almost accepting before realizing with disgust written all across his features that it had cucumbers in it. Or when you were on top of the ferris wheel and he let it slip how utterly terrified he was of heights, only to let Mina drag you two into the line for the rollercoasters. The fact that he was trying tens of times harder to make sure Mina was enjoying her day than her own father ever did really warmed Mirae’s heart. That’s why when the end of the day approached and Baekhyun dropped them off she didn’t refuse the idea of a fourth date, and didn’t hesitate to lean up and seal their goodbye with a kiss.

  From then on, Baekhyun was an engraved part of the Shins life. He would bring Mirae on dates every week, each of them drawing them closer to each other, and every week he would come over and spend a day with her and Mina. Sometimes they went out and did some outdoors activities – hiking was Mina’s favorite -, sometimes they just stayed inside and had fun with games and movies. That’s why Baekhyun’s revelation came as a shocking surprise after three months of officially being a couple.

  He hadn’t finished his military service yet, meaning he would have to enlist within the next 6 months. Enlist, for 20 months. He was terrified to tell her this. He was too focused on starting his own company in the beginning of his twenties, so he pushed it off for as long as he could. He was horrified of what her reaction could be. Would she hate him? She told him her biggest secret on date one and he waited three months! What was he thinking? She, however, was absolutely understanding. A bit sad, a little upset, of course, but inherently she understand his want to focus on his career beforehand. She made him promise to contact her every week when he could use his phone and to not get hurt while he was serving in the navy. The moment she kissed him softly, reassuring him that she would wait till the day she came back, he knew she would be the one he marries.

    The past 20 months were terrible for her, sure. Only speaking on the phone once per week, not even being able to see his face, since photographs were still strictly prohibited in the military, really took a toll on her. But being a grown woman she understood that he had to do this, that he will be back soon. Mina, now 6 years old, was a whole different story. She didn’t understand why Baekhyun stopped visiting, why he missed both two of his birthday parties since she knew him, why he was only calling once a week – not even videocalling, like her grandparents, but just calling! She really missed him, Mirae could see that. Never in her 6 years of life did she miss anyone like this. She had friends move away from their neighborhood, hell, she saw her real father only once a month. But this was different, Baekhyun was different. Mina could see how much her mommy missed him, too, and seeing her sad only made the little girl sadder.

  “Does Mina know I’m coming home next Thursday?” Baekhyun asked at the end of their hour long conversation. Mina was already asleep, seeing as it was near 10PM. He would soon need to hang up.

  “No, I didn’t want to tell her until you knew the exact day you were arriving. She really misses you, you know?” She smiled fondly, playing with a strand of her own hair. One week. He’ll finally be coming back in seven days. He’ll be discharged on Wednesday, but his base is so far from Seoul his friend, Chanyeol would have to drive late at night. So they agreed they’ll stay in a hotel near the base for the night, then drive home in the morning. You offered to fetch him yourself, but he insisted on surprising Mina, and he said that would give it all away. He may’ve had a point.

  “Is she the only one missing me?” he joked. ”Good, don’t tell her. When can you pick her up from school? 4? Gosh, she’s already in school, I’m sure she’s grown so much…”

  “Yeah, I can’t even pick her up properly, she’s so heavy” she giggled at his rambling. “She’s almost 120cms now, she really grew a lot. I wonder if you’ll even recognize her when we go to her school.”

  “She has your eyes, of course I’ll recognize her! I really can’t wait, I missed you both so much. I have to go now, curfew, you know… I’ll text you when I’m near Seoul” he promised, a hopeful sigh prominent in his voice.

  “Okay, take care. I’ll cook your favorite, no cucumbers.” She winked and even thought he couldn’t see, she was sure he knew. “I love you”

  “I love you too, see you soon.”

    “GPS says 34 minutes.”

  “28 now!”

  “Only 24 minutes and I’m back!”

  “19 minutes, I can’t wait!”

  She giggled, looking at her phone and the seemingly endless messages, before typing her response. “Wow, Chanyeol must really want to throw you out the window right now haha Door’s open, soldier.”

  His messages didn’t stop, if anything they picked up in frequency. 17 minutes, 14, 13, 10, 8, 7, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, I see the convenience store, I see your street, I see the building…

  By the time Chanyeol parked his car in front her complex she was already waiting on the sidewalk, immediately running to him and jumping into his arms after he exited the car.

  “Fucking finally, if I had to spend another minute with him in my car, I might’ve driven into a tree on purpose.” Chanyeol’s grumpy voice sounded from the rolled down window. She let out a chuckle, thanking him for not killing his best friend before inviting them both inside. Chanyeol declined, taking out Baekhyun’s bags before waving goodbye and driving off. She smiled at him fondly, arms still around his waist. He bulked up a bit in the past year and a half, his shoulders broader than the last time she saw him. His skin was also a bit tanner, probably thanks to the time spent in the sun. What haven’t changed, thankfully, was his boxy smile and sparkling eyes looking deep into hers.

  They spent the entire day in each other’s arms, exchanging kisses left and right, talking about anything and everything. Minutes before 4PM they were already outside of Mina’s school. Loud screams and laughter sounded from the playground at the back porch of the school, so they headed there straight away. Upon seeing Mirae, a teacher called out to Mina – Mina, mommy’s here – and the moment her big eyes found the pair at the entrance, she ran like her life depended on it, straight into the arms of Baekhyun who was already crouching down with his arms open. “You’re back!” she cried out, small sobs shaking her entire body. Baekhyun hugged her close, smiling up at Mirae sheepishly, clearly fighting his own tears. Giving them a minute of privacy, Mirae walked towards the teacher overlooking the crowd of playing children, to collect Mina’s coat and backpack.

  “So is he the Baekhyun the whole school was hearing about lately?” she smiled at the mother knowingly. She knew Mina couldn’t shut up about how her Baekhyunnie was in the army and would be coming back any time now. Mirae nodded happily, exchanging a few words about Mina before she walked back to the two loves of her life. Mina’s arms were still tight around his neck, but he was standing up now, holding her in his arms securely.

  “Honey, you’ll have to let go of Baekhyun eventually, or he won’t be able to drive us home” she cooed, pressing a reassuring kiss to the little girl’s cheek, rubbing her back slightly. “It’s okay, honey, you don’t need to cry.”

  “Will you leave again?” Her voice sounded barely louder than the slight wind playing with her hair, but they both heard. Baekhyun kissed the top of his head, making sure she wouldn’t fall from his grip.

  “No, princess, you won’t be able to get rid of me from now on.”

  They stood there for five minutes, Mina not budging a milimiter, but her tears subsiding, before Mirae decided she would drive, while Baekhyun could sit in the back with Mina in his lap. By the time they approached Baekhyun’s driveway she was soundly asleep on his chest, him rubbing her soft hair slightly. Once parked, Mirae opened the back door and tried to get Mina off him, but even in her sleep she still wouldn’t stir. Once Baekhyun carried her into his home – cleaned biweekly by a cleaning agency for the past 20 months –, he sat down with her on the couch, waiting for Mirae to join them. Cuddled together, they talked in whispers, not daring to wake up the exhausted little girl.

  For days after Baekhyun couldn’t get her to stop clinging to her like a koala – not like he really minded. He did need to go back to work though, having been running his company remotely with the help of his right hand, Chanyeol. Mina also needed to go to school, but he made it his mission to leave early enough every day and pick her up from school. He even had to carry her out to the grill party they organized in his backyard that weekend, a small event with family and friends to celebrate Baekhyun’s return. Well, that was the reason Mirae knew. For Baekhyun, this small event wasn’t precisely about greeting his parents and brother, his niece and nephew or even Mirae’s parents. He wanted them all there for one reason, and one reason only. The reason was snugly tucked away in the inside pocket of his blazer, the gem precisely cut, the size determined sneakily by sneaky texts with Chaeyon.

  Mirae and their mothers were in charge of the side dishes and desert inside, while their fathers did the grilling. Baekhyun always loved seeing their parents getting along well – it seriously was more than he ever hoped for. Baekhyun sat down at the makeshift sandpit where his niece and nephew were already playing, supervised by his brother and sister-in-law, and encouraged Mina to join them. “Nervous?” his brother inquired, a hand resting on his shoulder.

  “More than I imagined I’d be.” Baekhyun sighed, watching Mina enjoy her time with the two kids who he hoped could become her cousins soon. “What if she thinks it’s all too soon? I mean, it is, I just… Why wait when I know I want to be with her forever?”

  “Hyunnie, you grew up quite a lot, didn’t you?” His brother’s grip on his shoulder tightened reassuringly, a proud smile sitting on his lips. “I can see she loves you as much as you love her. And I mean technically, you’ve been together for 2 years already. Sure, most of it was long-distance, but you both fought through it. Her kid also adores you, which I think is already a selling factor.”

  “Still, I don’t think I’ve ever been this nervous in my life-“

  “Why are you nervous?” Mina appeared in front of him, hands full of sand, eyes full of wonder.

  “Oh, nothing monkey, I just need to ask your mom a question after dinner.” he replied, grabbing her and pulling her onto his lap.

  “But mommy’s not scary, I ask her questions all the time” she added innocently, snuggling closer to him. “Want me to ask it for you?”

  “No, honey, Baekhyunnie has to ask this. And this is our secret, okay, monkey? Mommy can’t know I want to ask her anything.”

  “Okay!” she playfully zipped her lips, before jumping off him and running back to play in the sand some more. He looked after her with fondness in his eyes, totally forgetting about the conversation he had with his brother before – or the presence of the older man for that matter.

  “See? It’s like she’s been your daughter all along.”

  “Should’ve guessed I’ll find you in the sandpit with the kids” Mirae appeared behind her, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and pressing her lips to his cheek. “Food’s almost ready, could you get the kids to wash up and sit in their chairs?”

  “Of course, love” he turned in her arms, pressing a quick peck on her lips. “Need help with anything else?”

  “Oh, no, your mom is running around like a rabbit on steroids, I think her and my mom got the table all set up already.” Oh, his mom. When they arrived earlier that day, Baekhyun pulled her aside – just like he did with his father and Mirae’s parents individually later on – to let her know about his plan. She was overjoyed, just like the rest of the parents, but he guesses she couldn’t fully contain her excitement like he asked her to do.

  Dinner was going as smoothly as it could, with family member and friends talking in small groups about whatever they deemed worthy. Mirae turned to Baekhyun midway, looking at him like he brought down the stars for her, and kissed the corner of his lips. Did she knew? Did one of their mothers let it slip out? Maybe he shouldn’t have asked for their permission to begin with, it’s all ruined now- “I was thinking about switching workplaces. The restaurant chain is opening a new location in Gangnam, I’d have a lot more regular hours and I could be closer to you, as well.” She ran her hand down his lower arm until their fingers tangled together under the table. His surprised expression only caused her smile to widen. “What do you think?”

  “I think you should definitely take the opportunity. And you should definitely move here, with me, you know, so you could be closer to work.” he answered dreamily, not believing how well this all played in with his plan. “Your lease is coming to an end either way, right? The elevator hasn’t been working for a while either, did they fix that already? And Mina could play out here every day, without you having to bring her to a park. And you know, we could wake up next to each other every morning, so that’s an added bonus-“

  “Calm down, I was convinced by the time you mentioned the elevator” she joked, pressing another short kiss onto his lips. “Let’s talk about this after everyone left, hm?”

  “Yeah, let’s” he spaced out, touching the hidden pocket with his free hand. “Actually” he let go of her hand suddenly, standing up from the table. Everyone looked at him, some expectantly, some curiously – including her. “I’ve been thinking about this for a long time now. I-… I never thought that I would find the love of my life when I went into that restaurant two years ago. Honestly, I wasn’t even looking for a relationship, I was planning to finish my military service and then maybe start looking but then I saw you and everything changed. I was terrified of everything, of this newfound confidence you gave me, of disappointing you, or Mina, and when I was lying on my bed in the navy every day, I was terrified of one day losing you. I-… I don’t even know where I’m trying to go with all of this, I should’ve practiced more, but you just had to surprise me today, as well and… Just please, will you marry me?” He blurted out, now on one knee next to her chair, with the velvet box opened in his palm. He was too afraid to look at her for a second, but then remembered it’s her, he shouldn’t have to worry about anything. Both of Mirae’s hands were covering her face, tears quickly gathering at the corners of her eyes. Gosh¸ she wasn’t expecting this, not today at least, not for a while longer honestly. But just thinking about spending the rest of her days by his side made her extremely happy. She had no doubt Baekhyun is the one – but wasn’t this all too fast? Or was it? What more was she waiting for?

  Without uttering a word she threw herself onto him, arms wrapping around his neck and suddenly she couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. Free hand wrapping around her waist, Baekhyun tried shushing her, to comfort her. “I kind of need an answer here, sweetheart.”

  “Yes, of course” she choked out, hugging him even closer before he grabbed her left hand, slowly sliding the shiny ring on her fourth finger before leaning down and enveloping her in the most romantic kiss they ever shared. Friends and family cheering, kids ew-ing, it all couldn’t be more perfect.

  That was, until a year later, a day before their wedding Baekhyun was panicking, walking up and down the living room – their living room –, worried that they must have missed something during planning, something will go wrong and she will hate him forever. “Honey” She ran her arm up his arm, slowly wrapping both arms around his neck and tangling her hair into his soft, black hair. “It’s going to be fine. The wedding planner took care of everything, most guests are already in their hotel rooms, your tuxedo and my dress are waiting for us at the venue and I made sure the wedding cake is the best they could make. Everything is going to be just fine” she tried reassuring him, pressing kiss after kiss on his pouting lips. “Besides, I don’t need my husband breaking down on our wedding day, leaving me to take care of our two kids on my own.”

  “I’m not going to-“ he protested, clearly not registering right away the secret in her last words. “Wait, what, two?” His eyes were wider than she’s ever seen them, and she could swear if she didn’t know he was nearing 32, she would believe he was 9 going by how cute he was.

  “Oops, did I say two? Might have spoiled the honeymoon surprise” she added cheekily, carefully watching as Baekhyun’s smile widened to his ears before she could feel his arms crushing her bones as he pulled her close.

  “I love you, so, so much.”

  “I love you too, honey. You were absolutely worth the wait.”

    “So, Dad, I’m monkey because I was clinging to you when you came back from the army?” Mina asked, pushing himself away from her guardian.

  “Yes, sweetie.” He answered proudly. Jaehyun was already snoring soundly on his shoulder.

  “Then why did you not just say that? Why did I have to listen to your whole story with mom again?” Mina whined. Just as she was about to give him a piece of her mind – like the scary, independent, full of anger 10-year-old she was – Mirae emerged from the kitchen, an apron still draped around her front. “Mom, dad is the worst!”

  “Tell me about it, monkey” Mirae picked her up, ruffling her hair. With a big puff of air escaping her small lips, Mina crossed her arms.

  “I hate that nickname.”