#this is a subject we feel strongly about and this is hitting us in the gut in all the wrong ways

[mantisgodsdomain]

Our apologies if we're... inconsistent in the next little bit. If you'll allow us to be briefly negative, the 3DS/WiiU online services shutdown is... hitting us, with the abrupt GRIEF of something that was loved and cherished and cared for being abruptly... shut down, just like that. Features taken out forever. Parts of games that could have been loved for years to come simply being... gone. An axe that, unlike with older games, CAN'T simply be recovered from, except with infrastructure. Communication between games lost forever. A whole link in things gone, with a lifespan of barely more than twelve years.

It's...

We enjoy the Pokemon games. If we were to start a trade between two GBA Emerald cartridges nowadays, provided we tracked down the hardware, it could still be done. Nothing is lost of communication features. Platinum is a full game without the wifi features, albeit missing a few trade evolutions, and if you have a wifi router with antiquated enough settings, you can still transfer your pokemon forward to Gen 5. Black and White lose few features and can be played in full without hurting too much. With the 3ds...

Pokemon Bank being shut down means no more transfers to future games. A guillotine to transferring beloved Pokemon forward, with no real remedy. ORAS's secret bases rely on passively collecting data from other participants to function. Hacking 3DS games is already difficult, and we doubt that reverse engineering parts of infrastructure that are simply gone will be easy. Maybe it's just other things fucking with us, and we're definitely being a bit dramatic, but... the eShop shutdown already cut off massive amounts of previously playable games. Who will archive online features? Who will archive the things that require connective infrastructure? As things grow more complicated, they grow more difficult to repair. How long before it becomes impossible to replace that which once was?

Twelve years feels like a horribly short lifespan for any technology, and things keep trending worse - making things faster and faster and more and more rushed as the structures they're built on require more and more work. This isn't sustainable. This can't keep going. This market is running faster than we can handle, and it feels like it's only getting faster. Modern things keep being discarded the moment they aren't shiny and new, keep leaning more and more on communication and intercommunication and infrastructure that will rot the moment it isn't actively attended to. How much worse will it be for future things?

There is a game on our computer, fully installed. No online features at all. Yet, it cannot be played. It was made with AOV to prevent piracy, and the servers it was meant to connect to no longer exist.

We don't want more games to be made the same way. But we don't think that this road branches anywhere but an awful demise, approaching faster and faster by the day.

[smallcloisville]

I AM GONNA PUT THIS CLOIS RELATED INTERVIEW EXCERPT HERE CUZ I LOVE ALL THE DETAILS SO FAR.

It's a meaty scene, about 10-12 pages worth of script, in which Lois arrives at her apartment to find her boyfriend, Clark Kent, attempting (rather poorly) to cook an anniversary meal. Their playful banter highlights their romantic chemistry, but also how they challenge each other.

"We're meeting them at a point where they've been together for about three months," Brosnahan notes, "which is the point in a relationship where you're like, Was this a really great fling or is this more serious, possibly forever?"

Lois gives Clark grief for the ethical breaches of his recent Daily Planet pieces — exclusive interviews he "conducted" with Superman, though they both know full well that Clark is Superman. So he offers her an alternative: She can interview him as the Man of Steel instead. What he thinks might be a fun bonding moment backfires spectacularly as Lois, who comes alive when presented with a juicy story, jumps at the chance to ask Superman hard-hitting questions on the record. 

Brosnahan felt this exchange was "foundational" to these characters.

"It's a combination of them both clicking into, in some ways, their super alter egos," she explains, "but that's also juxtaposed with their great love for each other... I don't know if she would call it that quite yet, but they care about each other. When you start doing an interview, this is Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Lois Lane, and he's Superman, who's also the subject of this interview. They both feel very strongly about the stance that they're taking in that scene. It's one of the things that I love about their love story. While they have totally opposite worldviews, they complete each other, and they kind of need each other."

It's also a world that often has a problem with someone like Superman. He's virtually all-powerful, so it's a challenge to physically stop him. The combination of his upbringing in rural town Smallville and the dying wish of his Kryptonian parents to safeguard humanity forms Clark's firm ideals about bettering civilization. No corporation or government can taint them, which leads us to why Lois is eager to grill Superman. In the film, he decides to save civilians caught in a conflict between Boravia and Jarhanpur (fictional nations from DC comics), which causes an international incident and earns him the ire of a White House that sees Superman as an American asset gone rogue.

"She's ambitious and hungry," Brosnahan comments. "And I think, in that moment, she sees an opportunity for a front-page story."

In many ways, this apartment scene, where Clark/Kal-El defends those ideals to Lois, defines this generation's incarnations of these characters. While the titan from Krypton can often seem stoic and deified, Corenswet's Kal-El can be quite passionate about his views and express them loudly. 

"I had the same ideas about Superman, that he's quite reserved and has ultimate control over his emotions and his reactions to things," Corenswet says. "I was very excited when James said all of that is true about Superman, but we get to meet him in this moment where those things are least true. That's where he's a little bit of Superman, he's a little bit of Clark — because the only other person in the room knows who he is and holds all the cards."

Brosnahan describes Lois as "someone who questions everything and everyone by nature," while Clark/Superman "sees the beauty in people first and trusts implicitly…. That sometimes puts them at odds with each other about the way they should approach the world."

It's only in his scenes with his costars, particularly Brosnahan, that Corenswet truly finds the specifics of his character. There are the main Superman and Clark Kent personas that he shows the public. But, Corenswet explains, "We also had this third character, of who Clark is when he's in a room with somebody who knows both sides of him. He's not really playing the character of Superman, but he's also not really playing the role of Clark, either. It's a personality that only comes out with his parents [Pruitt Taylor Vince and Neva Howell play Jonathan and Martha Kent] and with Lois, once she really gets to know everything about him."

[italoniponic]

Long Live the Brother | Kingscholar brothers

Synopsis: Since Cheka was born, Falena became more aware of the fact that he wouldn’t live forever. Whenever he falls asleep in his most stressful days, he has this strange nightmare about a gorge and a stampede. As years pass by, the dream has gained more details to its story. Cheka is in danger and Leona is close to Falena, but he can’t help him — because he doesn’t want to.

Falena needs to do something about this premonition. As little as it seems to be.

kingscholar brothers / angst with hopeful ending / Lion King references / minor tamashina mina setting / ft. mention of ocs / 4,5k words / Masterlist

Notes: It’s been a while since I last talked about doing this fic but it’s finally here, folks. *sighs in tiredness* well, I asked people to vote for a type of ending so it took me a long time to write it all and come to a conclusion that felt… proper. Like, there’s room for good things to come, certainly. Hope you enjoy it!

Long Live the Brother

Falena knows he won’t live forever. It seems kind of obvious, especially when it comes to Afterglow Savannah’s oldest teaching: “we are part of the cycle of life.” It’s part of the birth-to-death cycle. Helping others in life and giving life to nature itself when one dies. To become grass, to be a spirit in the stars.

Falena thought about this a lot, especially on some extraordinary occasions in his life: the birth of Leona, the strong illness of their father and, even more strongly, on the birth of Cheka.

The kingdom’s people — among servants, guards and subjects — got used to the charismatic image of Falena. To them, the then-young king was brave and imposing, his strong smile shining brighter than the sunlight on the golden savannah. And it wasn’t a lie at all.

But there were things that troubled Falena’s mind many times. Shadows that have haunted him since the crown was placed on his head.

He was so young at the time and the books he had read during his education weren’t enough to guide his journey in the real world, where brilliant theories could fail at the first unpredictable element of nature. His father was also too debilitated to give any advice. Sometimes he barely recognized where he was in his own room.

Falena could only thank Heavens for having Maisha by his side, she being his most precious support all these years.

The couple had ruled together since they got married. They hit and missed all the obstacles in life together. Maisha was the only confidant that Falena could truly let go of his saddest thoughts and worries. She didn’t demand from him any perfection of his royalty. Maisha would let him just talk to her and it was those moments that made him happiest.

That had been their dynamic since they met at a diplomatic ball a long time ago. The then-prince purposely hid himself from Kifaji just to show the stars to the princess who befriended him.

And it was a mutual, strong feeling. Maisha wouldn’t trade Falena for anyone. Her love was true, overcoming any circumstances and problems they encountered along the way. Proof of this was the birth of Cheka. 

It was an unforgettable day. The kingdom celebrated it as if it were the sunrise after a long period of darkness, the rain after a long period of drought. Both of them were so happy with their little cub. Falena thought of Cheka as the light in his difficult life as king. Unfortunately, with the King’s health worsening, Falena found himself again thinking about life and death.

The shadows gained strength and that’s when the nightmares began.

It wasn’t constant dreams. They appeared mainly after a long and stressful day. When everything seemed about to fall apart, when the difficulties of the kingdom weighed on Falena’s shoulders.

It started simply with him lost in a crowd. People were running over each other, everyone was confused and frightened — and he was being slaughtered by all of them, trampled underfoot.

Then it switched to something else. Falena heard Cheka’s screams and desperately ran to save him. Sometimes he managed to get the little boy to a safe place on the rocks. Other times, they didn’t survive. But in either scenario, Falena would lose his life.

No matter what he did or how hard he tried, everything or only his life slipped through his hands. His son’s screams would turn to tears as Falena collapsed into his own unconscious sleep. It was tortuous. He wanted to answer his little one, to say that everything would be fine — but in what voice? With what kind of force?

As time passed, a new character came to his dreams: Leona. 

He almost always stood aside, just watching the scene unfold in front of him. But sometimes it was he who first warned him of the danger that Cheka was in, and with this, Falena ended up finding himself in the midst of that frightened crowd.

Whenever he woke up from these nightmares, Falena usually took a deep breath and tried to comfort himself in the fact that if something happened to him, Leona could take care of Cheka and Maisha in his place. Without a doubt, he would leave the kingdom safely in the hands of his younger brother. 

There was no other person Falena wouldn’t trust with his own life and that of the people he loved most.

Then, at a certain point, that nightmare repeated itself.

Falena had managed to lead Cheka to the rocks, away from the tumultuous crowd where he could be safer. But he himself fell among the stampede again. In a last effort, Falena jumped up and clung to a high rock.

Relief washed over his face when he saw Leona on top of that very stone, safe enough to pull him away from danger.

“Leona...! Brother! Help me!,” Falena pleaded.

But Leona only gave a contemptuous smile in response. With all the calmness in the world, he crouched down and dug his nails into the knuckles of Falena’s hands, making him scream in pain. 

  “Long live the king,” then Leona gave a long and dangerous smile like he had never given before, looking deep into his older brother’s eyes.

Falena felt afraid of the shade of green in Leona’s eyes. Green in the shade of poison, pure burning sulfur. He wasn’t his brother. Leona wasn’t like that! In front of him was just the picture others painted of him.

Falena heard so many times from the servants that this was who his brother was going to become. A corrupt, envious boy who would bring drought and disgrace to the kingdom. It couldn’t be! Leona wasn’t like that. He would never hurt Cheka, nor anyone. 

Or would he? 

Suddenly the pain in his hands had stopped. The distance between them increased. Was Falena falling? Leona no longer held him. He was watching his fall with a dark, victorious look. A scream was heard in the distance. Falena has never heard the word “no” pronounced so painfully before.

He wasn’t sure if it was coming out of his own mouth because the voice he was hearing was from Cheka. But Falena kept falling until he finally hit the ground and thousands of feet passed over him. The pain of being trampled on was nothing compared to his heart being shattered inside.

Falena didn’t want the crown if it meant leaving his son and wife alone. He never wanted to. 

Before he knew it, he had already left his brother once. He didn’t want to leave him again. 

His voice grew faint before the noise of the stampede above him. Both when he was young and when observing his kingdom, it was the only time when the people’s voice surpassed his light. What began with the servants losing patience with the young second prince, turned into real complaints and fear with his magic.

Falena didn’t know what to say to them. His brother was young, that was all. But as Leona seemed to worsen in behavior, Falena lost the basis to defend him. And with the accumulation of royal responsibilities, he lost sense of time.

One day, Leona was already a full-fledged teenager who didn’t have the slightest motivation to do anything. The chess that Falena taught him with great joy became a game that his brother played alone — because he had no one by his side and no one wanted to be near him. Leona acted as if he were a stranger in the palace, a being who didn’t belong there.

But he was part of the cycle, he was a vital member of the family. Falena still held that truth in his heart. At the end of the day, he didn’t have more time to bring him back? Was their bond already broken beyond repair?

What would be left of all this would be for Leona to let him fall over the abyss of death, more than content to see the color of his eyes shine for one last time? 

“Dad!”

Then Falena woke up. He was alive after all. His heart was pounding hard enough to be sure of it. The sun shone brighter than ever through the office window. He should have fallen asleep unintentionally. His rest time has been getting worse lately. Everywhere he went he had a problem to solve, and if he ever stopped to rest, he felt guilty for it.

But there was Cheka holding his arm tightly, jumping endlessly with excitement. His eyes let out sparks of joy. It was almost nostalgic — at one point, in a room full of books, another boy called his brother to take a break from his studies and talk to him a little bit.

“Dad! Uncle Leona arrived with friends!,” the little prince announced happily. “Can Naru and I play with them? Can we?”

Seeing Cheka smiling gave some cheer to Falena’s poor suffering heart, though the mention of his brother couldn’t have come at a worse time.

“Go with Monti and Zakki to talk to your uncle. I... I’m going soon.” 

“Okay!”

“Ah! Cheka!”

The boy stopped in his tracks when his father called his name, his orange hair with yellow edges swirling like rays of midday sun. He was the perfect blend of his parents, a gift from Heavens to them. Falena took him in his lap and kissed his forehead.

“I love you, son. Be careful, okay?,” he asked. His voice was a little hoarse.

“I love you too, dad!,” Cheka kissed his father’s cheek. “And don't worry! I’ll be with uncle Leona.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of...”

Maisha entered at the right moment when Cheka ran out of the office. She had overheard part of the conversation. And her worry only worsened when she saw her husband’s forlorn countenance. 

Falena held his face in his hands, trying to catch his breath. He couldn’t believe what he’d just thought about his own brother. His stomach felt heavy and empty at the same time. He was feeling bad in so many different ways that he didn’t even know where to start. His thoughts collided like an onslaught of hyenas, tearing at his flesh and gnawing at his bones.

“It was that nightmare again?” 

The desolate king felt his wife’s hand massaging his shoulder, conveying comfort and solace. Falena raised his eyes to Maisha, her presence always welcomed on any occasion.

She went around the chair where her husband sat to be closer to him, and he held her waist, resting his head on her belly as he did at the time when she was pregnant with their precious son. His hair of a strong and intense orange cascaded down, confusing itself with the dress of the finest fabric that his queen wore. 

Maisha caressed Falena’s head, patiently waiting for him to find words to express himself.

She never rushed or pressured him. She knew it wouldn’t do any good. Few queens in the world could say that they loved their husband so much that they wouldn’t mind supporting them unconditionally as Maisha had done for a long time.

They never changed, they just got stronger together. Maisha had the same long, naturally slightly grayish-beige hair with strong yellow tips and the kind, wise caramel-colored eyes she had when she was young. The eyes Falena most wanted to face at the moment.

The time that passed wasn’t as long as it felt. For Falena, it seemed like an eternity before he told Maisha every single thing that happened in his nightmare. When the story came to an end, husband and wife stared at each other in deep silence. 

“I failed Leona... terribly,” Falena sighed. “I’d let them say what they wanted of him…”

“Falena, dear. You always defended him the best you could, I know that. Leona... actually, you two are very complicated. All this palace’s life is. What they subjected to a fifteen year old and a five year old boy is unforgivable,” Maisha said.

“But there’s nothing else we can do.”

The woman bit her lip. She understood the feeling well, those shadows that haunted her husband. That’s what she was most afraid of, too. She had known Leona for a long time and, luckily, he came to respect her more than anyone in his life. 

However, respect was still too little to meet him in the desert and drive him back home. Maisha didn’t just want to be Leona’s sister-in-law. She wanted to be his older sister. But he despised his own brother by blood, so what would she — as the family’s outsider — needed to do wrong to fall into the same bad graces?

“What can you offer a man who has everything but wants nothing?,” Maisha suddenly thought out loud. 

And Falena grasped this thought as if it were dry leaves that the wind brought in the afternoon. The royal spiritual adviser, Chinaza, once said that those said leaves were messages from the Kings of the Past — and in reality, the old baboon wasn’t so far from the truth.

With the words of his wife in mind, the king began to think calmly about everything. Over the years, he offered Leona various kinds of gifts. Books, chess boards, expensive items of clothing, dinners with his favorite meats and everything else he had at his disposal to give to his precious brother. It wasn’t just charity. He knew Leona deserved it all.

But it must have looked fake in the young man’s eyes. Deep down — and the nightmare didn’t help this feeling — Leona should despise all these gestures. 

It felt like Falena was patching up the past, as if all they had been through was an old tapestry that just needed extra thread.

“What is the one thing that a man who despises all things, because he feels himself to be despised, most wants?,” Falena asked back as he got up and looked out the window.

They were at the highest point of the palace, from where they could see the whole kingdom and everything that the light could touch. Maisha rested her head on Falena’s shoulder and he leaned on her equally, both with their gaze lost in the horizon.

“I have no idea, my love,” the wife replied.

“I think I know what to do... well, I think” Falena swallowed hard. “It’s not much and I honestly don’t know how much Leona will like or understand it…”

“What are you talking about?”

“Our father used to say that diplomatic apologies require more than an emotional and well-crafted text. That’s not what touches people. It’s the process, the small steps you take along the way. If you never cross the desert, you will never come home.”

“Alas, you ramble a lot sometimes,” Maisha said but began to smile as she saw her husband’s face recover its grace. “Will you start with the small steps then?”

Falena took a deep breath, filling himself with courage. He would. 

Better late than never.

If anything, Leona’s patience could be more succinctly described as a worn-out tapestry. 

It had interesting embroidered drawings, making smooth lines on thick thread and had the colors of the sunset. In the old days, it had impressive strength. But he couldn’t say the same in the present though. A lion cub had snatched the edge and began to tear it apart, leaving bristles exposed and easy to fray.

Which settled Jack to be the only one — by their side at the moment — who was actually concerned about the dorm leader wanting to rip apart his own nephew running around him in a fit of pure childish energy. 

Meanwhile, Kalim was distracted by all the beautiful landscapes around them in the huge palace. Naru, the lioness-friend of the little prince, was explaining everything to him — and on certain occasions, she would take a look at her best friend and smile at him having fun. 

But, perhaps, what was doing more harm to Leona’s nerves was the indescribable delight in which Lilia and Vil were watching them near the balcony. They both had different kinds of smiles but seemed equally amused by his look of distress.

Was that Leona’s penance for being himself in the NRC? Or were they joining life’s queue to piss him off?

“Cheka!,” suddenly a powerful voice made its entrance. 

“Dad!” 

Leona had his chair turned away from the entrance, but as he turned around, he was for a very brief moment happy with his brother’s arrival. All to get Cheka away from him, especially. 

He then took a look at the colleagues he brought along and observed their reactions of respect and admiration at the arrival of the king. He wasn’t particularly impressed himself. 

Falena might be the most imposing “Lion King” in all of Afterglow Savannah’s history but Leona would always see him as his annoyingly enthusiastic older brother.

“Dear friends!,” Falena greeted the boys with a smile. “Could you let me steal Leona for a moment?”

This was such a surprise that the second prince turned his head back.

“Oh, we don’t mind, Your Majesty,” Vil spoke for the group, smiling politely.

Leona rolled his eyes. It was like he was being handed over like a pesky stray cat off someone’s backyard. 

Jack was thinking of a form to add any type of positive comments — to at least take that very impression out of the room — but he remained silent as the dorm leader assured him in a simple hand gesture that it wasn’t necessary. 

Falena noticed this as his brother stood up. Every one of them had their own opinions on Leona. Well, mixed opinions it seemed. Personally, he would like to know how his little brother was doing at Night Raven College — but he would have to wait a bit longer to hear about Leona’s school adventures. 

Falena waved a goodbye to Cheka and Naru, leaving them in the hands of their caretakers, the meerkat-man chamberlain Monti and the warthog-man cook — who also acted as the little prince’s personal aide — Zakki, and the remaining boys. 

Then the brothers left the balcony and walked through the halls in complete silence. No one dared disturb their course. Even a falling leaf could be heard in the distance.

After a few minutes of walking beside his brother without facing him, Leona eventually realized that they were walking through more and more empty corridors inside the palace. Places he almost forgot existed. It seemed that they had crossed the entire construction when Falena opened for him a door hidden behind a large dark red wall-tapestry.

Behind the secret passage, there was a large field that was part of the royal estate but remained in the shadow of the towers and higher floors. Further away, Leona recognized a part of the field with a large tree as the marking for the Cemetery of the Kings of the Past. 

“Why did you bring me here?,” he finally spoke to his brother, although he had a confused frown on his brows.

“It's a quiet, peaceful place,” Falena said. “Because it’s the Royal Cemetery, anyone who does not consider here an inhospitable place certainly knows that it is sacred so even servants and guards would never think of looking for a secret passage or opening the door.” 

“So what?” 

“I wish you could find rest here.”

Because Leona had a tremendously surprised expression, Falena added quickly:

“N-no! I’m not talking to you to rest forever here! No way! Please don’t even think...!,” then he took a deep breath to recompose himself. “What I mean, Leona, is that here it will be much easier to hide from the palace than in your room. Cheka is terribly afraid of those hallways, even if he won’t admit it.”

It was Leona’s turn to take a deep breath and facepalm, bewildered by that whole situation. He had not confused Falena’s words — though, come to think of it, it would indeed be a strange thing to say normally — and remained in the dark as to why he was being introduced to that place.

“Are you letting me stay here? Is that it?,” Leona questioned.

“Yes. Consider it my holiday gift.”

“Have you... gone insane? Is the crown so heavy that you hit your head on the floor one of these days?”

Falena bit his tongue, trying not to be discouraged in his convictions, nor to let himself be contaminated by the acidity of his brother’s words.

Leona could be an excellent diplomat when he wanted. Emphasis on “when he wanted”. But what was occurring at the present moment was no disaster of etiquette. It was how Leona usually talked to his older brother. 

Sarcasm and irony were always at their peak. Boredom dictated the harmony of his voice. And, above all, resentment oozed through the thorniest sentences like burning sulfur. 

Falena could feel it more than ever. They weren’t just brothers who couldn’t get along like normal families had. There was a large scar between them, completely exposed and fragile. 

There was no point in pressing mere band-aids there, hoping to disappear with the cut. Something needed to be done to improve the healing process and not allow inflammations. It would be painful and difficult. However, wasting time was no longer on Falena’s mind. If he were going to stop the blood, he should do it now.

It was then Leona felt something different when Falena looked up at him. 

Anyone who might have had the chance to observe them — however deserted the place was — might have seen the reflection of the king’s normally radiant countenance. However, only his young brother was close enough to understand that it wasn’t his usual glow.

“I gave you many gifts and allowed you to do whatever you wanted in a clumsy and vain hope that... “Falena sighed but kept going. “...things could be arranged. But it’s not that simple. In fact, by trying to please you, I was making the situation worse. But Leona...!”

His voice grew stronger, pouring out all its honesty like good rain in the midst of drought and desolation.

“I don’t know what to do, that’s the truth! Maybe I’ll never know. If our father was still well, I could try to take his advice... but all this damage is already done. You walk in and out of here with your head held high but with a terrible feeling in your heart. Like this it’s not even your home.”

“Don’t put words in my mouth. You don’t know how I feel,” Leona looked away, annoyed.

“Of course I don’t know! You don’t tell me!”

So Leona turned to Falena again, torn between putting the matter aside or contesting it in the adrenaline rush that awoke in his heart. Actually, he wasn’t sure what to answer. And as if Falena could finally after all those years read his little brother’s thoughts, he smiled softly.

“Talk about it when you feel the time has come. It doesn’t even have to be with me, if you don’t want to. For now, a place of silence and comfort is all I can indicate to you.”

“Indicate?”

“Yeah. Because you are still the Prince of the Savannah. You have rights like any of our bloodline,” Falena touched Leona’s shoulder and looked deep into his brother’s green eyes. “You can come here whenever you want. You always could.”

A strong breeze passed by the brothers but they didn’t move even a flinch. Small leaves of various colors, dust and the familiar smell of the savannah continued on its way, as if it were a ghost of one of the Kings of the Past who wanted to spy on the strange scene unfolding there on sacred territory.

Gently, Falena’s hand left Leona and joined his other hand. He wasn’t feeling cowed at least. On the contrary, he was satisfied for the first time with an action he did. His smile didn’t waver.

“Well, if you want to take a break, I’ll let your friends know and…”

“Falena,” Leona called.

He mirrored his older brother’s expression with his words. For a moment, Leona felt like a child again. Not in the sense of feeling small and powerless. But, as it was in the old days. The good times when things were in their place and Falena still had time to afford to teach him to play chess.

“Thanks. Or something like that.”

Leona stared at a distant spot in the landscape, not looking directly into Falena’s eyes. 

He didn’t feel ready yet for that type of situation and had doubts about his brother’s intentions. He never thought he would say that, but hanging out with his classmates and holding his own patience seemed much easier than dealing with the scars of the past.

But something inside him knew that Falena understood what he was doing. It could be a part that Leona hid from his own peripheral vision on purpose, almost always to the point of completely forgetting its existence. Yet it was still there inside him.

“But I’ll have to leave it for another time. I have to lead a pack of warthogs’ backsides to a festival, remember?,” Leona retorted, going back to the exit. “Later. Who knows.”

Falena let out a laugh that made his brother stop for a moment. He looked like he was going to comment on something but then gave up.

“Well, always feel welcome. And I’ll be watching it all from somewhere. Above all: have fun, Leona!”

And then, Falena gave the biggest smile Leona had ever seen before. Perhaps it wasn't just an impression that his aura of majesty was different. It wasn’t like it got any worse, though. 

It was as if an immense weight had left Falena’s shoulders and he rejuvenated like the dawn sun as he reached for his little brother’s step. They continued without saying anything on the way back, following the path in a very rare and comfortable silence. 

It was the first step towards a new ending.

Falena also felt a different energy coming from Leona and his gaze accompanied him throughout the visit, questioning within himself how people couldn’t even see the resplendent light coming from Leona. Or maybe they did — it was his final conclusion — and they didn’t know what to make of it.

But Falena knew. And he felt a deep joy to have a younger brother like Leona. Smart and strategic, able to stand on his own two feet, courageous. Even friendly — although the boy didn’t like to admit it. 

  For the first time in a long time, Falena could have a peaceful night of starry dreams. He never had that nightmare again. He was dreaming of a bright future ahead. Some moment in time when Leona could feel happy doing whatever he wanted. Where Cheka would be a wonderful king and Maisha would still be there by his side.

And Falena would live long to see all this.

Special notes: Uh, I haven’t actually watched anything from the Tamashina Mina event so I don’t even know if they acknowledge Falena’s presence at some point. But this is what I think happened. And I feel particularly relieved about writing this story bc I love Falena due to my memories of Mufasa. I don’t think canon will ever prove me wrong but even so, this is the version of good ol’ Falena that I love the most <3 Thank you for the attention!

[clericofgale]

Hello my friend! 💜

As a fellow Dom!Gale truther, would you be so kind to share some of your headcanons with me, when you have a moment?

I am sick as a dog with the flu right now and I just know that some Dom!Gale would cure me. Or at least soothe my soul. Or my loins… or something.

I’m normally not one for alternative remedies but I have an excellent feeling about this one working wonders.

I pledge myself to you as your willing test subject… IN THE NAME OF MEDICAL SCIENCE.

Thank you 🙌🏻😘

I doubt Dom!Gale would soothe your loins, but quite rather the opposite really.😈 This will be unstructured because I'm not writing a meta lol. I'm on a magic sex kick lately hope you don't mind?

To me Gale is definitely the type to flip a switch between vanilla and dom mode. It's sweet cuddly puppy eyes normally, then when it's time to play he rolls out the smolder🔥 NSFW below.

We know the man loves simalcrums and mirror images. So why not have multiple Gales hold you down? One for each limb while the real one worships you on an altar of desire? You're his precious songbird and it's time for you to sing. A fifth one is tasked with kissing you on the neck, the forehead and encouragements of how good you are to not cum unless told to. The command never arrives so neither will you.

Once thoroughly prepared, that's when Gale will finally enter you. The husband's learned a levitation spell and he uses it on you. You're weightless in the air, and very vulnerable. You're supported only by his hand gripped tightly around your waist as he takes you.

Now I'm strongly CF and by gods I want Dom!Gale to breed you ok? Because being CF makes a breeding kink hotter and idk why but it is what it is. He'd tell you how he's making you his and he loves you so. He'd gently encircle his fingers one at a time around your throat commanding you to come for him as he rails his seed deep inside you.

When you get on your knees to clean him up, he'd pet your hair and lavish you with praises about how good you did.

Afterwards he lift you up to sit on his lap in a tight hug.

The end. Hope you feel better my friend! Don't be afraid to hit me up for more or something more directed lol.

[nyahwat]

@kennae-bae made this template for people to use :) Thanks <3 Their post here

This is gonna be full of headcannon spoilers that I still plan to draw eventually and things are subject to change depending how the game updates go. But anyways my very long ramble below... *takes a deep breath*

Balor-- The only one I can see as having a meaningful crush on Ari, besides March is Balor, and thats just because he used to be a rogue so they've shared a similar lifestyle and can hence relate and vibe a lot, without even needing to exchange words. But though they do share some similarities, they are still very different, and I can also see them as being a bit skeptical of eachother, keeping some distance because of them being a rogue/adventurer. Anyways his mind always on money definitely wouldn't help him with Ari. A fixation on money, even for a good cause just leaves a sour taste in her mouth (she has a strong dislike of bribery and using bribes to get what you want/gain favor). Balor however being as observant as he is, would likely realize pretty quickly that she and March have something going on.

Ari (my OC) is the type to have only one crush at a time, and is fiercely loyal in a relationship. March quite frankly though is the first person she's ever actually had a meaningful crush on. She travels around a lot, adventures solo in her adulthood, and outside of her family, she doesn't really get very close to people (rather she doesn't stay in one spot long enough to get close to anyone too deeply pre mistria. She does have some people she considers friends but yeah, they aren't super close.). But now her current quest, Ari has to stay pretty stationary in Mistria long term. So she develops close relationships with many of the townsfolk, easier too since they already are quite friendly. Still, her crush on March is a pretty foreign feeling to her. And so she tries to keep it buried/not give it any thought because she doesn't want a relationship. Much like her father, she's an adventurer and she takes on dangerous quests (and it was against her fathers advice that she and her brother follow in his footsteps and become adventurers, but its how they grew up and what they know), so romance isn't really a thing they ever considered or thought about. So just as she wont get a dog even though she loves them (and she doesn't have any farm animals either), she doesn't want to take on the responsibility of another person like March either. And with her job she fully accepts that death can happen any quest…..She has her fighting strengths and weaknesses, but she's still a cocky little shit in combat; she doesn't hold back since she strongly believes your first hit could be your last so better make it count. Or as in the words of Starset's Degenerate: "Its a race to the bottom we fall…. So hit ‘em with the whole tidal wave." (lol) But she does also accept her fate one day will be the same as everyone else. And that what she dishes out can be dished right back to her one day. So she pretty much just goes with the flow of things without dreading on the past or future too much. But she realized March was cute the 4th Friday night. First friday night march says she's not so bad and she was just like "ok" and then drank with Juniper and Valen. The third friday night March asked her to drink with him and she was just like "ok" and did (and she has regularly since drank with him). But the fourth friday, after he "awoo"ed, Ari noticed he smiled so genuinely she spat out her drink because he was so unexpectedly cute to her. But she buried that line of thought since. Ari though has grown fond of going drinking with March regardless because she feel she can, more or less, drink in peace. Ari handles her alcohol well, but she feels so comfortable drinking with March she actually lets her guard down and one time passes out (a headcannon I have yet to draw). She also appreciates how he speaks with his actions. and since she's pretty small and scrawny and not very loud, she often gets overlooked/not taken seriously (which is a pro in battle, but can be a sorta con sometimes when not), she likes that march is the opposite and a sorta ally.

March likes to refer to Ari as a gremlin in the beginning, but what he won't say is that Ari is actually more like a Gizmo to him. He doesn't really realize that Ari is an actual little demon (in combat)… But anyways March develops a (meaningful) crush on Ari kinda slowly, but deeply. She came in on him in waves, bit by bit and now he's sorta stuck in an ocean. He tried to bury his feelings for her at first too but had to come to terms with it because trying to ignore and deny it to himself just made it louder. Headcannon spoiler: He wants to ask her out eventually before he loses the chance, but he doesn't feel he can or should until he's made her the sword she's been bugging him for since she the day she came to Mistria. Even though he keeps brushing off the sword every time Ari brings it up, he actually does want to make it, even moreso as his feelings develop… he just doesn't have the materials he wants for it and refuses to ask Ari to go in the mines for them. He was told when young that "an adventurer puts their life in the hands of a blacksmith" and he holds that deeply in regard to making Ari's sword. So he's relying on Balor to get him the materials but Balor's having a hard time securing March's request. Ari doesn't get mad at March for not making the sword, though she does get a bit agitated after a while. She just wants a good sword and believes a good sword can only come if the blacksmith wants to make it. She stops asking after awhile and eventually considers asking Balor if he could get one for her because she is uncomfortable without a good sword. when march finally does make the sword though, he gets stuck in a stalemate with Ari because he wants Ari to have it as a gift, and Ari refuses gifts of such caliber, she just wants to pay for the sword. And neither of them will budge. March was really not expecting Ari to be so stubborn about it either since she's normally so chill about things.

March has no idea Ari has feelings for him since she keeps it so well hidden… well it leaks out but neither of them realize it. Ari's not a very touchy person but she is pretty patient, she doesn't mind getting hugged by friendlies and the kids hanging on her but Balor has noticed that March is the only one who gets away with touching her like he does without Ari getting her guard up at all (in fact she often gets flustered); and he noticed March is the only one Ari will reach out to like she does. (Ari's brother when drifting through town, notices within minutes that the vibes are odd between March and Ari. He has a suspicion why but doesn't push it when Ari denied it.)

Terithia-- Ari loves Terithia. She thinks she's so cool and badass. Terithia is like a mother figure to her in addition to a sensei. And Ari loves to fish and spar with her.

Unfortunately Ari didn't grow up with a mother. She passed away from birthing complications shortly after she was born. So she never got to develop a bond with her. (Her brother did though and its affected him greatly and is actually the cause of his extreme wanderlust.. to him it feels like theres something missing that he can't find.)....

anyways Terithia loves that she gets a sparring partner that can keep up and someone to fish with. Terithia is also the only one Ari will spar with in Mistria because she doesn't have to fear holding back.

Dozy-- Ari also LOVES Dozy and sees him everyday. Dozy also likes Ari because she gives him all the pets. March does actually get jealous of the pupper because Ari is just sooo sweet to him and showers him with affection and praise. March even though jealous, really finds that side of Ari cute.

Henrietta and Ari share a neutral relationship. Her father warned her when young "to never bother the chickens" (Zelda reference, yes lol) so she actually has a mild fear of them and keeps her distance, respectfully. She also thinks March is a fool for the way he sometimes reacts to Henrietta, and basically thinks he's just asking for Death.

Eiland she's close friends with, purely platonically. She loves to go hunting for artifacts and learning about the history of such things. So they get along quite well. The kids all like Ari, they like to hang on Ari and drag her around on adventures, which Ari patiently deals with. Dell especially looks up to Ari which Ari repeatedly just responds "I'm not a rolemodel. I'm not someone to look up to." which kinda just backfires on her because it makes her look cooler in Dell's eyes (it makes Ari sorta realize what was going through her dad's mind when he warned his kids not to follow in his footsteps). Dell likes to bug her about swords and fighting and such. Maple considers Ari her knight and servant which Ari is just like "okay" And Luc likes Ari because she doesn't mind bug hunting and touching bugs or listening to him about bugs

I have a potential headcannon I'm considering drawing where March is passed out and the kids are drawing on his face and Ari just watches and lets them (probably in Spring Year 1 when Ari and March aren't close yet). Juniper shows up and is just like "You're not gonna stop them?" Ari replies " A child's creativity is fragile. I don't want to stifle it." Juniper is humored by her response. "Good point" and joins her in watching.

Adeline-- She gets along with Adeline, but also fears her because she hates paperwork type stuff and doesn't want to get dragged into it again.

Olric at the beginning noticed Ari's pretty easy going and has potential to deal with March so tried to push them together and make a friendship blossom. Ari and Olric have pretty different personalities (Ari's pretty reserved, whereas Olric is quite bubbly and outgoing) but they get along quite well and both are pretty easy going.

Reina-- Ari thinks Reina is super cute and genuine and likes to try her cooking. In return Ari likes to forage for herbs and mushrooms for her. Reina also finds Ari adorable.

Juniper-- Ari has an odd relationship with Juniper. But they get along pretty well. Ari's not gonna police Juniper with her potions, but she somehow got stuck being her guinea pig, in which Ari being as malleable and patient as she is just accepts her fate without really putting up much of a fight. Juniper looks out for Ari though and can get protective of her in a witchy way. She also appreciates how she loves on dozy so much. In addition to March, Ari does enjoy drinking with Juniper too (and Valen but yeah she doesn't wanna get in the way xD).

Caldarus and Ari get along well. She views him as a grotesque/gargoyle that keeps away evil spirits though rather than a dragon. Caldarus reluctantly accepted this but he kinda got offended by it initially too because grotesques are supposed to scare away evil by how ugly they are. But Caldarus soon learns that Ari thinks groteques are very cute and he sees it as a compliment now.

Ryis, Celine, Hayden, and Valen shes friends with but nothing too special. She gets along with them and theyre more than just acquaintances.

Priestess has too many unknown variables. So a neutral, Ari's probably on the skeptical side with her but she doesn't dislike her. she just doesn't know her hardly to have a proper judgement.

The rest of the townspeople and vendors theres not much to say about. She's on friendly terms with them.

[bitethedevil]

Thoughts on using AI as a tool in writing?

I’m not sure if this might be a controversial answer. I see a lot of people strongly disliking AI. I get that and I largely agree though I try to have a nuanced opinion on it. I think every piece of new technology has to some extent gone through an outrage phase like AI is currently going through.

For me, the largest problem I have with it is actually how much it pollutes. I know that places like Google are currently working on decreasing that with nuclear reactors, but there is a long way to go.

There is a large concern that AI will overtake the place of human made art. I think that idea is largely underestimating the intelligence of the people around us. AI art is just that. It’s impressive that a machine can make it, for sure, but it is not the same as looking at something that was made by a human. We are sympathetic beings and the thing that makes art art is how we can feel what the artist felt when they made it. You might also argue that it’s the skill that goes into it that makes it what it is, but if it doesn’t make people feel some sort of recognition in themselves, then it isn’t art. Then it’s just soulless imitation. Which is exactly what AI art is.

If I ask an AI model to create a picture of a flower, then it does so because it is told to do it. It finds other examples of what a flower looks like and boom: a picture of a flower. If I draw a flower, even without any artistic intention, there is still something human in it that is interesting. Why do I draw it like that? Why that kind of flower? Why even draw a flower? That’s what’s interesting, even though the drawing itself at a first glance might not be.

And here’s the point where I actually answer the question, because I can never keep anything short: I think AI is fine to draw inspiration from. I think making AI art is fine, as long as there is never any doubt that it is created by AI. Selling AI art as something that was created with your own skill and talent is never okay.

I’m conflicted with the thought that an AI machine might read my fics and create it’s own stories from it. I think there should be some sort of way that artists (especially visual artists because they seem to be hit the hardest) can protect their art from AI models. On the other hand, a human being could just as well copy it too (which is obviously not okay either). I think the problem is how easily accessible it is and how quickly you can replicate it, and especially the fact that the receiver of said AI art might not be aware how the machine has stitched it together and plagiarized someone else.

I think more transparency is needed to get more people on board with AI. We also desperately need to get people educated on the subject, though that is difficult because it is still so new. Do I think the idea of AI is sort of dystopian and sad? Sure, but I’m also certain that people have thought so about many of the devices and pieces of technology we use today. It is, like you said, a tool, and it should be used as such. Not as a replacement for the real thing.

(Thank you for the ask <3)

[missjanjie]

Holy shit, that guy is fucking hardheaded with that take. I'm Catholic as well, but guess what? I was taught HFLE (Health and Family Life Education) from class 4 in primary school (so 10 or 11). We were taught about our cycles by female teachers, body changes to expect and about STDs.

I can't really say it did me much harm in the long run. Especially since my mother never had that sort of conversation with me (she's one of those "if you don't talk about it, it doesn't happen" sorts and Catholic as all hell herself) under the assumption that I would learn about it in secondary school biology, so she didn't need to bother. If my school didn't have the foresight to teach us young, I don't know what kind of hot mess I could have ended up in.

Also. Groundbreaking concept. People......don't think about sex at all times. Even when being taught about the subject. If you're feeling this strongly about this sort of topic......mayhaps you should re-evaluate yourself and make sure you're not lowkey repressing something unpleasant.

(Plus, don't we teach kids about consent from inception? "You may not touch me here, you may not touch me there, you may not touch me in my no-no square".)

[the post in question]

On top of that, his justification that he was giving to literal CSA survivors was ‘if you knew what was happening to you it would traumatize you more’ like I will hit you with a brick. As someone that used to work in early childhood education, we’re taught to look for certain signs and by and large, kids understanding their bodies and how people interact with them significantly lessens the chance of prolonged abuse.

Hell, I was in a two year olds class and I was changing one of their diapers with me in a chair and him standing up (another teacher was using the changing table) and he yells across the room to the other kids ‘can you guys see my penis?!’ and turned to face away from them. Once I was done trying not to laugh I realized that this kid knew two things: what that body part was called and that it is a private part not meant for everyone to see. I was overall very happy that his parents had given him that level of age-appropriate education.

What I mean with that anecdote is that in my opinion, there isn’t a ‘too young’ age for kids to start learning about these things, let alone waiting for adolescence. I imagine these sort of classes vary by location. We watched the ‘puberty video’ in fifth grade (so 11-12), but the thing was, I’d already been menstruating for two years. Luckily my mom had been on top of things, but it’s crazy to think how many kids are kept in the dark bcs of outdated puritanical beliefs.

No but yeah, the fact that they seem to think talking about sex/sexuality is somehow predatory and inappropriate or will make kids think about/want sex is… sus at best. In 7th grade we watched a video about birth and there were naked people in a medical context, and I promise no one got horny from it lmao.

[silverview]

annoyingly, the 2nd patreon q&a – the only one where the comment section is broken – gave us THIS comment, which i at least had the foresight to screenshot at the time

DAVID: Colin is very kinky for sure! It should be fairly obvious that there is some romantic stuff going on with David and Colin...

according to my ravings at the time, the discussion also touched on From Beyond as a qbbs movie. the marscorp halloween special may be lost media at this point but it involved jim reading the original lovecraft story (:

anyway, i figured this was worth making a separate post about mainly bc it underlines something ironic that i've been thinking about anyway – that to this day, colin/david is not technically canon. it is very strongly implied – david's right to call it "fairly obvious." but we have never actually had any unambiguous confirmation that there was ever anything more between them than an unrequited "infatuation."

even the word of god confirmation from the q&a (not canon) is still extremely vague. "some romantic stuff"? "..."? to be really strict, it doesn't even unambiguously rule out the possibility of an unrequited crush. i have to wonder if they're being vague on purpose because the exact details of the relationship constitute s2 spoilers, and/or will have more emotional impact if revealed in context during s2.

alternatively, they're avoiding details altogether because it's objectively icky. and/or because dk is personally icked out by it because the character shares his name. but i like to think it's because we're gonna get all the details in s2 and it's gonna hit real hard. :3c

i have nothing to add at this time about colin being Very Kinky For Sure. i feel like i've made clear my feelings on that subject and if anything else Comes to mind i will be sure to post about it

[thesweetnessofspring]

What's your opinion about District 4 as Career District?

Why is there a difference between District 4 and other Career Districts (1&2) in supporting the rebellion?

From all known victors from 4, who do you think the first to support it?

(If you have any fics which explore this, please let us know).

Thank you :)

@curiousnonny

I love District 4! There is something just so compelling about it...maybe it's the landscape and industry, maybe because it's Finnick and Mag's home district, but it's a place I would love for Suzanne to explore in the future.

I know there are a lot of headcanons about Careers, how they came to be, etc. from people who feel strongly about Careers as characters and so I feel nervous about sharing but this is just how I see it.

My guess is that D1 and D2 are closest to the Capitol and were subject to more rewards for their goods (luxury and Peacekeepers) which gave them a natural edge in terms of physical strength. They also had propaganda pushed on them to make them think they were the best districts while keeping others down. Winning became about honor, about proving they were the best, about taking more resources for themselves because they were also getting barely enough and they wanted more security for their district.

D4 had a bit of this going on, too, but not as strong. They were the stepchild of the Capitol. Yeah, they'll take care of them but they're not a favorite. So the propaganda didn't hit D4 as hard and it was less compelling to be a Career, but not a stigma. It was even somewhat noble and brave, since they were the bronze-ranked of the Career districts. So D4 was simply less loyal and more likely to rebel. In fact, for the average D4 citizen, they were feeling just as oppressed as other districts.

And Mags of course was the first to support it! She's the oldest D4 victor we know of and moved around the Capitol for 63 years. She was probably one of the first rebels, period!

Thank you @curiousnonny!

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

Your tags re: the Woolman article are making me think about some things... No need to respond to this--I'm just sending it over in case you have some insight, as someone who's constantly living and breathing and thinking about these things.

I've often considered my comfort a matter of physical safety. I have multiple compounding disabilities (a lot of them undiagnosed, not a lot of access to competent medical practitioners in my life) which generally directly translate mental stress & physical exertion into negative health outcomes. Insomnia, inability to process nutrients and resulting significant weight loss, joint pain and instability, constant swelling of my lymphs and tonsils, autonomic dysregulation, fatigue and muscle weakness, decreased immune function, and more. When I was working outside of the house regularly, my health was incredibly poor; when the new coronavirus hit and I was forced onto SSI, I was able to move in with a caretaker/partner and my required activity level has gone significantly down. I gained over 30 pounds, started sleeping regularly, stopped subluxing, no longer experience sensory meltdown, and went from getting contagiously sick once or twice a month to once or twice a year.

But my activity level is now only possible because I rely on the structures I think are abysmally unethical. My daily routine involves very light housework, emotional care and trauma work for my partner, and sedentary hobbies like writing poetry. I can't even do useful hobbies that require fine motor skills (i.e. sewing), because of my sustained tremors and dyspraxia. I don't cook, and I rely almost entirely on prepackaged foods and delivery services. We have a small garden, and I work in it occasionally, but nowhere near enough to grow our own food, apart from some tomatoes (very easy plant to care for where I am, but does not a divestment from industrial agriculture make). We've chosen not to care for animals because I don't think I could comfortably manage them. In fact, I do not do much of anything that involves exiting my front or back door, as my sensory overload is strongly triggered by direct sunlight and causes genuine physical pain--something that has become much more difficult to deal with ever since I stopped subjecting myself to it daily.

Frequently, I feel hypocritical for, for example, having a principled and genuinely *angry* opposition to the global supply chain and my principles being in favor of divesting from it and hoping it breaks down entirely--and yet, I myself won't divest from it, because of my own comfort. Because at the end of the day, I certainly wasn't dying before. Perhaps I could re-train myself to not feel the sensory overload I am now so sensitive to--when I was used to experiencing it every day, I barely even noticed it, and things like sunglasses do take the edge off. I was not *dangerously* underweight, just enough to make my life slightly more difficult. Getting sick so frequently was frustrating, but I could significantly up my activity level without upping my socializing or generally being around others, which would make it less likely I reach the level of contagious sicknesses that I was at pre-coronavirus.

The point of all of that being, I have been mulling over this for quite some time, and now I'm considering the matter even more intensely. I have been primarily socializing in online disability support groups for a very long time now, and this kind of talk is always met with the assertion that my comfort is more important than my principles above all else. That I should care for myself, make my life as comfortable as possible, because disabled people deserve to be happy. I agree with that. But simultaneously, my happiness should not come at the expense of others' *lives,* and while I cannot actually stop those people from being exploited and dying, individually, I still resonate with your statements... that my principles are important to live by, and even moreso, that we *must* make the decision to be comfortable with discomfort to destroy these systems to begin with--all of us, individually. I wonder where the threshold is for "comfort" vs "safety" when you are someone whose discomfort can be physically dangerous. How does one assess that danger? Where does one draw the line? I am in the process of feeling out that line... but where are the rules for how to draw it, where are the guidelines... Has anyone even written any?

I appreciate you sharing your insights with the Internet as a whole, allowing me access to them and expanding my worldview. Once again, certainly no pressure to offer any on this ridiculous essay of an ask specifically. This is a matter I will surely be journaling about!

Honestly Anon? I love you for this. You've given me the space to say out loud things I very rarely acknowledge to anyone other than my wife and my therapist. Not because it's private or shameful, but because it's just....so goddamn hard???? To figure this shit out.

Simple answer Anon: we all have to make that judgement call for ourselves based on our values, our needs, and our circumstances. We cannot, and should not, prescribe judgement calls to others, because we can never fully know what their relationship with those factors is like. I meant what I said about needing to refuse to share your power with a system that wields violence in a SUSTAINABLE way, maybe even your whole life. That doesn't mean "strip every connection out and then deal with the consequences until you find a new normal" though. It means "for every place you don't HAVE TO utilize a connection, don't, and be REALLY honest about what "have to" means to you."

Long answer: I have lived a "homesteader" life for poverty and access reasons during my childhod. And now, as an adult, I am returning to it after the sweet joys and freedoms of modern infrastructure, NOT because of poverty, but because of being middle class with an autoimmune disorder that nearly killed me at least twice in the past 5 years. In both cases, there were parts of life that absolutely still relied on systems of power (as a kid, for example, my mom bought me all my clothes through thrift shops for as long as she could, but my body type has always been a bit unusual and by the time I was 10 we had to buy clothes from your standard department store - usually a sears or every once in a while a kohls, and it's not like we weren't aware of the clothing industry's impact on the environment and human life globally. As an adult, I currently depend HEAVILY on technology, and for all that I am a huge advocate against the ongoing atrocities in Sudan and DRC in part due to their geographical role in tech, research, and development from rare earth mining, I also literally cannot survive in the world right now without semi-current tech due to communication needs, work needs, healthcare beeds, etc.)

This is not to say "if I can do it, so can everyone else!!1!" (Obvious bullshit I have no interest in selling yall). But it IS to say that there are so many different reasons and ways that people withdraw their power from systems of violence. For example, people who undergo the process of removing themselves from the public workforce and accessing state or federal financial aid are absolutely withdrawing their (e.g.: labor) power from systems of violence. The fact that your (e.g.: finanancial) power may be placed in various access points, resource pots, etc., really isn't a BAD thing, it's just the reality of being human.

To one extent, this is why I talk about (and try to engage as much as possible in) mutual aid the way I do. It would be literally an impossible demand to tell someone they have to completely withdraw their contributions to and from society in order to have opinions about systems within that society being abusive or unacceptable. The idea that you (or you, or him, or her, or them, or me, or it, or ANYONE) should need to be completely self-sufficient as an individual or a household in order to demand change from resource systems is ultimately one that opressive systems themselves put forward in this twisted all-or-nothing portrayal of autonomy. To buy into that framework is to accept their claim that there is no other way to do things besides theirs or Alone and Unsupported. And we all need to work REALLY hard to remember what utter fucking horseshit that is.

So instead of shaming yourself for being a human being with survival needs you don't want other people to have to die for, focus on asking yourself what you ACTUALLY need, at the literal survival level. Then take the time to think of as many different ways you could meet those needs as possible, even the obviously unreasonable ones. Think about WHAT MAKES THEM unreasonable. Is it an intersection with another need? A societal construct (money, respect, family structure, etc)? A logistical/environmental issue? What would it look like to problem solve for any of those? What is EFFECTIVE at addressing the barriers and what is ACCESSIBLE at addressing the barriers? Figure out, realistically, what it would mean to take the autonomy and choice of each factor FULLY into your hands.

So that way, when you make a decision, you know you've made one based on what is as in line with your values as possible, while taking into account your needs and your circumstances, on a case by case basis. A conscious, thoughtful level. Whatever the outcome is, that's ultimately less important than the fact that you really took the time to observe, understand, and actively participate in the process of impact on the world living your life will inevitably have.

"There is no ethical consumption under capitalism" doesn't mean, as some allege it is understood or used as, "ethical consumption is impossible therefore do whatever you want," it means "your existence and its interaction with the existences of others, whether direct or indirect, WILL have an impact, and not all of that will be good, or within your control, so don't waste time trying to be perfect when what you need to be is respectfully and compassionately INTENTFUL."

So what does that look like for me?

Well, I have an autoimmune disorder, intermittent chronic organ failure, constant pain and frequent limited or restricted mobility, and can't let anything touch a mucus membrane that I don't know the EXACT ingredients of.

So long before a return to homesteading, or COVID, or anything else that's happened in the last 5yrs, I had already been put in the position of needing to be EXTREMELY aware of the origins and distribution chains of everything I came in contact with. I had to start making my foods, drinks, hair and skin care products, hygeine products, hell my own fucking PET FOOD sometimes to cut out potentially lethal exposures to substances I could no longer interact with. And while that list STARTED at 3, it has only grown since, and I now maintain strict isolation from. Well. Basically everything and everyone. It. It sucks, Anon, gonna be honest. I genuinely don't want to do most of it, and between the constant pain, the brain fog, the ADHD, the intermittent flareups that leave me bedridden, etc, my life has basically been nothing more than an endless game of catch-up since I was about 23.

I *am* catching up tho.

Like, one of the things that's really stuck out to me through the near-decade long process is how the every step more distant you take from these systems makes the next step easier.

My first step was removing gluten and corn from my diet, and boy howdy let me tell you, there is NOTHING left for you that you don't make from scratch if you need to avoid both. Your life as "normal" kinda just. Ends there. You know?

Like, I'm about 9yrs into this change in particular, and once or twice a month I STILL manage to bring home something from the market that ends up having a gluten ingredient that got missed in the first scan because I got careless because why the FUCK do egg salad and hair shampoo have wheat flour in it STEVE??????

So the idea of buying any ingredient or food item that has been processed in any way beyond basic cleaning and transport just comes with this inherent thrill of terror every time. And god, the THINGS that I have to CARE about???? Literally, it depends on severities and who you ask, but there are real conversations being had in celiac circles about having to raise their own chickens because COMMERCIAL EGG LAYING CHICKEN FEED HAS WHEAT IN IT AND SO THEY REACT TO THE EGGS???? Nightmares, I'm telling you.

All this to say, the more often the stuff you bring home from the outside world inches you closer to death, the more motivated you are to have a complete understanding of the entire lifespan of anything you come in contact with. The easier it is to just. Do it all your damn self. Not because it's ACTUALLY easy mind you, but because you just don't have the emotional strength to keep pushing back on the sneaky, magical thinking based idea that if you just do it all yourself maybe being alive will hurt a little less. So it's probably not a surprise to anyone that my end goal here is to retreat to about 100+ acres of conservational land that I can slowly restore with edible, astringent, and fiber plants indigenous to the land's ecosystem and then just spend my days puttering around eating nuts and berries and amaranth and spinning thread or weaving cloth for bandages and blankets.

But I can DO that in part because I'm NOT doing it alone, or even just with my own household. I work with friends, colleagues, community resource programs, and everything else to make this stuff happen. I do everything I reasonably can to sustain my life as it needs living in ways that allow me to only depend on infrastructures of systemic violence as a conscious concession that I lack other survivable long term options. And I keep my evolving needs and circumstances in mind in case that ever changes in a way I can take advantage of.

I dunno, I guess....I've lived life a lot of different ways now, and I've come to understand the world really differently. One of the most meaningful frameworks for change I use now isn't eliminating or stopping something, but just. Lessening it.

When we were homeless for a while, we lost basically everything we owned. I think we had a handful of blankets, clothes, the pets, the car, a couple of personal treasures we managed to keep on us, and that was it. And we've stabilized now, but that doesn't mean we can afford things like furniture or dishes or clothes or whatever. Not unless we need them. So we make do with thrifted whenever we can and we also just. Make do without. We haven't had a couch in about 3-4 yrs now. It just wasn't a priority. Same with a dining table or chairs or the like. We have a bed! For a long time it was just a mattress from a lady selling them out of her garage and then we got some box springs, and now we have an actual bedframe! We each have a work desk and chair that's really it tho. A whole house now, and maybe 7 pieces of furniture in the whole place.

It's kinda similar with dishes and clothes. If you have to handwash all your dishes with special hypoallergenic soap that costs. Just so much more. Than normal dishsoap would. You're gonna start being really inventive about your dishes. My wife and I have what I like to call "service for 4" meaning we have 4 plates, 2 bowls and two tupperwares, two pans (1 cast iron, 1 ceramic, same size different functions), two pots (a 4cup stock pot and a 3gal stock pot), a full sheet baking tray, 3 mugs and a few washed jam jars, four of each sppon/knife/fork, and 2 nice butchering knives. Basically all of them are thrifted or gifts. And I could fit almost the whole lot piled together in the 3gallon stock pot for washing as needed. If you have to wash all your clothes in a basin while you shower, and hang them out to dry, you benefit from having only about 2-3 outfits worth of clothes that you can spice up with accessories instead of new combos, that way someone can do a basin full of washing each day and you'll more or less keep up with the pace of laundry. Missing days will happen, but they won't pile up as badly, are easier to recover from, and can - in a pinch - just be taken to a laundromat and dealt with for less than $10.

My floors are all (as much as possible) hardwood, because it's much easier to just put on my dusting or mopping slippers and "skate" around for a while to clean the floors than it is to lug around a vacuum I can't carry or use without pain.

I'm lucky enough to live on land with a creek, a well, and henhouse, so I thatch the henhouse floor with $5/bale clover hay from a local farmer once a week, and keep enough chickens on a rotation to cut down our protein costs and eliminate our egg costs. We're (wifey and me) building a fenced in run this weekend around the hen house so the hens can start foraging for food daily and we can cut back on feed (the area is already planted with lots of lovely chicken safe plants and I figure I'll keep cultivating that for them with replantings as necessary. That way, we can just let them out in the morning and close them back in (if we bother) at night, and top up a 25lb feeder once a week when we change the hay over again. The hay we clear out goes into the garden for mulch and fertilizer, and in turn the chickens get bundles or herbs and veggies and other snacks to supplement their forage and feed. It's an involved first year or so, but once the system is set up it's actually remarkably self-perpetuating.

And a lot of the ways I've changed my life are like that. Intensive to set up right, but shockingly low impact on day to day life once established. And sure it adds up, but like. So do the benefits.

I'm the healthiest I've been in years.

That doesn't always FEEL like much because things do still very badly wrong for me about once a month.

But it used to be daily. I used to push myself through a system of functioning that DID depend largely on these external hierarchical systems, and STILL come up short of resources in the end while experiencing daily symptoms. The more I've removed myself from those systems, the more I've removed their IMPACT on me, both positive and negative. And. At least in my case. It turns out there was always a LOT more negative than positive. I just. Didn't get to see and assess my alternatives, so it was harder to notice. Depending more on subsistence and community systems has turned out to be REALLY healthy for me.

I think part of that has also been learning how to create alternatives out of spaces that feel like voids. It's made it easier for me to cultivate a life of intentional accommodation by familiarizing myself with the process of initializing them.

And I think if that's NOT how you're experiencing your withdrawal of power from systems of violence, then you're not ACTUALLY meeting the needs you are trying to find replacements for OUTSIDE of that system. Maybe you can right then or maybe you can't! But either way it's worth asking why hurting yourself helps anyone else.

Praxis is uncomfortably complex in its simplicity: bring as much safety and compassion and collaboration to your world as you can.

It does include safety, compassion, and collaboration towards OURSELVES as well, after all.

[xortstories]

Contrary Writing Advice: Make Flat Characters

Wherein I give advice that runs contrary to commonly shared writing tips, because some short bits of advice get repeated without context until they become actively detrimental to the process.

Today, I'm telling you that your characters—protagonists, antagonists, supporting characters, the works—don't need to be complex and layered.

They can be flat.

I talked about this a bit when I reblogged some writing advice to disagree with it. I am not as contentious as I once was, but I will still pick a fight on occasion, and the subject of flat characters is one I feel very, very strongly about.

Now, let's make something clear. If you already read the linked post, you'll know the gist of what I'm saying here, but let's go ahead and define what I mean when I say a "flat character."

When I say "flat character," I'm somewhat facetiously doing so. I don't mean your character should be boring and lack detail. What I really mean is a character with a flat character arc. For those of you who don't wanna click links to go read supplemental material, I'll copy/paste part of my rant here:

What is a flat arc, you might ask? To put it simply (and to paraphrase K. M. Weiland), a flat arc character is not one whose purpose is to change and evolve over the course of the story. They are a character who has already learned "the truth" at the start of the story.

Readers and writers these days almost worship the idea of change arcs. A character isn't different at the end of the story compared to when they started? Bad character. Bad writer. Rewrite your story so your character changes. Then it'll be good.

But a flat-arc character does not exist to change. A change-arc character works well for a specific type of story, but not all good stories are about the journey of a character from one state to another.

Some can simply be about a character who is knows a "truth" about the world (usually a theme that the author wants to espouse or challenge) and uses that truth to effect changes in the world around them.

You actually see them more often than you think, though usually in supportive roles. The wise mentor character? Very often a flat character. Obi-Wan Kenobi (original trilogy) is introduced as a wise old Jedi master. He's a skilled teacher to Luke, who knows that teaching the boy was to be his calling. He spent his life watching over him from afar, and when shit hits the fan, he immediately jumps at the call he was waiting for.

He helps Luke get off the planet, teaches him in the Force, and when it finally comes down to the escape when Vader chases after them, he knows that if he wants Luke to live up to his destiny, then he'll have to sacrifice himself. He does so with dignity and confidence, because he has no illusions about his place in the world.

Obi-Wan is a complete character, from the moment we meet him. He doesn't grow in any significant way. His Truth is challenged by Vader, but he doesn't waver or doubt—he simply acts to remain true to what he knows to be true.

And he's a great freaking character.

Heroes can be flat too. People love to rag on Goku (who, admittedly, did go through a rather significant change arc in early-to-mid Dragon Ball, before Z), but he's a cultural icon because people love him. After his early change arc, he becomes a flat character.

His time training with Roshi, and the defeats he suffered in the World Martial Arts Tournaments, instilled in him a sense of respect for other fighters, hard work, a drive to improve, and humility. Once those aspects are established, he almost never wavers in them.

And as such, we get to see the effects of those beliefs on the world around him. In his fights against Tien in the tournaments, he pushes him and earns his rival's respect, and reignites Tien's sense of competition and fair play. His influence plants the seeds that help Piccolo grow more compassionate in his time training Gohan. His love of pushing himself against strong fighters keeps Krillin from killing Vegeta, who then goes through an immense change arc that stems, in part, from his desire to surpass Goku and his inability to understand how a low-class Saiyan could outclass the Prince of all Saiyans so regularly.

Basically, every single character arc that people love from DBZ can be tied back to Goku in some way. He is a catalyst for change everywhere he goes. Even in Super, where his character gets kind of assassinated, his presence still causes change in those around him, with Zamasu being the obvious example of how even a positive flat-arc character can cause negative change arcs in others.

As before, I could go on, but this post is way too long. I'll leave it at that, and just say that you should consider having at least one designated flat-arc character in your own stories. Give your story someone whose entire purpose is to be an inciting incident, who embodies a theme you want to push your characters to deal with.

It might just make your story a lot more interesting.

If you like my posts, feel free to buy me a coffee!

And if you're interested in seeing what I'm working on, check out my Blood of Dragons master post!

[phagethemage]

What qualities are you looking for in a partner? Is there anyone who's caught your eye?

I look for honesty, actually willing to communicate and grow as a person, good sense of humor and hopefully similar interests. My last relationship stagnated and neither of us grew for the past 2 years of it. It was all just me compromising so she would stay and her just.....not growing or overcoming issues she had. Like there was no real attempt to even do so.

And at one point after we split, I was talking to someone and mentioning how her(ex) and I didn't really have any common hobbies or interests but supported each other's strongly and the person I was talking with said "Wow.....why were you even together if you both didn't really like the same stuff or do anything together?" And that hit me like a rock.

I enjoy watching movies and shows, playing games (video, card and board), going out to museums if I can find some nearby and checking out new food places that open to see if they're good to what I enjoy. And my ex, didn't really like any of that. All she would do is sit at home watching YouTube and snacking constantly on chocolate. Still amazed she was as small as she was with so much sugar going into her.

But learning from that, I'm looking for all of those things along with a person who is not only capable but happy to give me a fraction of the affection that I give. Because when I love and dedicate myself to a partner, it's an ocean of emotions. Good ones, and I want to share that and I want to let them know how much they mean to me. But all the relationships I've had, none really gave that kind of feeling for long that they wanted me. Which, as I only have ever dated for long term (I date to try and find someone to share my life with, that's the goal for me) it sucks man. Give your heart, put in incredibly high amount of effort and just do what you can to show they're loved and appreciated simply for being them and being in my life. And you don't get a ¼ of that effort. In the end it usually feels like I'm the one doing all the work to keep the relationship together. I don't want that again.

Yeah this is a soft spot and a bit of a touchy subject I guess since I've not often gone into depth about it so I'm sorry for the long long response.

But there is one lady I have my eye on who I like very much. Though the situation is up in the air completely. I mean after all, they're worried I'll be disappointed if I spend time with them in person, and it is a drastic thing to not just visit someone on the other side of the country but also consider the long term of "would you be willing to move?" It is no simple subject to consider moving and leaving everything you've grown up around behind just to go somewhere else to be with someone. Praying and hoping it was all worth it and will work out.

Sure I can say I'd make it work. Do everything I could to make life kind, comfortable and happy. But would that be something they want? Would it be something they could accept? I don't know. I wish I did but I can't do anything but be hopeful. So I'll like her, I'll chat with her whenever I can and be kind, honest and genuine. It is the least I can do.

Thank you for the question anon. I don't know where your day will find you, but I do hope it's a lovely day. Gonna go settle my emotions down because ah if I'm not tearing up.

[manysmallhands]

My Favourite Songs of 2023 part 2: 30 - 21

Carrying on from yesterday's post, this is the second part of the countdown!

30. Claire Rosinkranz - Wes Anderson

I liked Wes Anderson the first time I heard it but couldn’t help thinking about how lightweight it is. A few months on i'm less picky: in fact I've come to think that insubstantiality is part of its charm. Rosinkranz is still a teenager and the bounce of youth comes through strongly in her music but she’s capable of adding a touch of ruefulness to stop it from floating away completely. Yes it’s froth, but in the very best way: indulgent for those of us with a sweet tooth and always extremely addictive.

29. Sabrina Carpenter - Feather

Sabrina Carpenter has a few songwriting modes but it's in the charming disco pop of Feather that I find her at her most listenable. Built around an elastic bassline, the music feels as airy as its title while Carpenter’s vocal is hilarious as she expertly drags an old boyfriend. Keeping you on the line with hook after hook while delivering barbs and punchlines with the skill of a stand up, Feather was a brilliant flipside to Carpenter's harder edged material.

28. The Clientele - Hey Siobhan

While much focus has been placed on their recent changes in style, I will admit to feeling happier when The Clientele stick to the basics and never more so than on Hey Siobhan. All your favourite Clientele sounds are there - the warm twilight majesty, the stately strings and climbing guitar arpeggios - but rather than feeling like a tired old retread, its greatness seems magnified by the novelty of new surroundings. Cosy maybe but in a good way, like some comfy old slippers you’d never dream of throwing out.

27. Dua Lipa - Dance The Night

Dance The Night felt a touch identikit on first hearing, a bit too close to the Future Nostalgia sound to mark a genuine move forward, but it’s sounded better as the year’s gone on, especially in comparison to the oddly formless Houdini. Built on a combination of glossy hooks and Dua’s commanding presence, her second solo number one feels just as effortless as its subject. It's an incessantly dynamic track but one which, for all the work on display, still manages to leave not one hair out of place.

26. Peggy Gou - (It goes like) Nanana

Peggy’s breakthrough single is fairly typical of her oeuvre, a belting 90s style house banger with a sketchy but endearing vocal and the catchiest of choruses. Has she done this better? Yes, absolutely she has, but it’s still pretty great, a hit is always worth celebrating and never before has she made a video with such a well drilled shoulder dancing routine.

25. Doja Cat - Ouchies

One of my favourite cuts from the Scarlet album, Ouchies has the kind of punchy sound that really ought to have sustained Doja's audience levels. Punctuated with a beat that feels like a repeated prod to the chest, Doja shouts “Fight!” as she stops worrying about the fangirls and takes a pop at everyone else instead. The vibraphone provides a sinister background swirl while everything else kicks off hard in this perfect expression of her confrontational schtick.

24. Dominic Fike - Hey Blondie

The lower card on the Barbie soundtrack is full of hidden gems and Dominic Fike’s sunny dissection of our plastic heroine is one of the finest. Deceptively cheerful with its shuffling rhythms and arpeggios, it's the sharp lyrics and extraordinary chorus hook that really leave their mark. A song so catchy that, once heard, it can surely never leave the brain again.

23. SZA - Too Late

Released in the tricksy end of year spot last December, I’m unsure if it’s cheating to bring SZA in but i’ve done it here anyway. Too Late is sad girl music that somehow doesn’t feel all that sad; there’s cheer in its folksy guitar sound and SZA’s vocal seems as much about her hopes for the future as the relationship she can't save. As is so often the case on the SOS album, it seems to span three or four different genres without sounding in the least bit awkward or ungainly. Instead, it’s as gorgeous a melancholy pop song as you're ever likely to hear, whether this year or last.

22. Kenya Grace - Strangers

Kenya Grace’s surprise #1 felt like the kind of thing you might hear in a 90s version of the 2020s, with its shuffling rhythms and icy synths coming off like retro futurism in a pop context. But what draws me back to Strangers is the vulnerability of its tone, with its vision of a world that isn’t quite hook-up culture but where connection remains impermanent and disappointment is always a click away. Few songs this year felt so hauntingly open hearted.

21. Sweeping Promises - Good Living is Coming For You

Sweeping Promises' spiky new wave sound got a bubblegum makeover for their second album and hit a new peak on the title track. Essentially a dubby, claustrophobic rant about a menacing interior design plan, Lira Mondal’s vocal alternately holds back and ferociously lets go while the whole thing sounds oddly triumphant in all its strangled, squalid glory. 

More tomorrow (i hope).

[proxylynn]

Is 18 and 19 years old still a teen or already an adult?

[If we're being literal, "teen" is still in the age and therefore would be considered a teenager. If we're just going with generally, then the majority would be in favor of that range as "adult". Frankly though, with how age differs for a variety of allowable things (driving, getting a job, drinking, sexual consent, voting, owning a gun, etc.) I'd be more in favor of the higher ages meaning "adult." If you can't legally drink alcohol or smoke in the US till you're 21, because of how it can medically fuck you/others up and an adult should be able to understand the responsibilities that come with intaking a literal poison that kills your body, then I'd argue that should be the age we see as "adult". Hell, I know that might get me flack because that would limit so much for most, but when we look at it reasonably and how the human mind isn't fully developed till we hit our early/mid-20s, why are so many incredibly life-altering responsibilities given such a low age allowance? (This is mostly aimed at the age of consent, which honestly scares the shit out of me when looking up what it is globally...seriously why does it get as low as 12 in some places, WTF?! RAISE THAT NUMBER FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!)]

{Sorry if that got rant-ish and I know it's not an opinion most would agree with due to it sounding like it's to take away rights. Not my intent. Teens should be able to learn to drive, get a job, and vote. And I'm not saying they can't date. I'm just trying to say that the law isn't fair when it comes to laying maturity on us. How can a 16-year-old be "adult" enough to have a child but is not "adult" enough to handle a beer? This cherry-picking isn't right. It's not safe. How many times have creeps used this to their advantage? Not all teens are mentally ready to go through intimacy, so why is it we enable situations where being taken advantage of is almost 50/50? More and more youths are making themselves "mature" at an alarmingly fast rate, why? I'm not even just talking about girls here, boys are victimized just as much but are sadly stigmatized into hiding it because "it can't happen to a guy" or "girls have it harder, so suck it up", no. Fuck that. Harm is harm no matter what gender and you deserve to be taken seriously and have justice, not be shamed.}

<And...I went off on a rant again. Apologies. But this is something that I feel strongly about. Sexual assault/molestation/rape is a running theme in my family history. My mom, brother, sister, and even myself have experienced brushes with one or more of these. And in regards to my mom, this subject is exactly why it fires me up. She was a teen who got pregnant young and managed to have an abortion, this saved her a few years to mature before she had my brother at 19 with my dad (that's a mess in itself but too long of a story to tell), but her family cut her off entirely (except her mom and dad, who I'm glad were able to understand things despite their religious beliefs) and to this day I haven't clue on the family from my mother's side, they probably think we're dead for all they know. If my grandma and grandpa didn't continue to care about the well-being of their daughter by doing as the others did, cutting her off from the only support and loved ones she knew, what the fuck was she supposed to do at her age in the 1970s-80s? Where would the care be had she been left on her own, ostracized by blood, and considered a sinful whore by the church? Fuck, I'm ranting again. Sorry...sorry. I'll stop. It's getting way too much and I doubt any of you want to hear more.>

[offbeat-manga-ships]

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! 🥳

for this end of the year i would like to do some reflections on the titles i've read in 2024. admittedly, there weren't all that many of them. if i were to say what was the star of my heart this year, it would be a show that was very important to me in my early teenagehood that i rewatched in its entirety and a particular ship that was one of the firsts i felt really strongly about completely consumed me once again. but still, in these final 2 or 2½ months, i sprinted through many manga with the same love i have for them as always and found a taste for doing caps again :D

for starters, i would like to look back just on a couple of manga that i wish had been better. of course, there were plenty of manga i read that didn't quite hit the spot, but for these ones, i had expectations. i had dreams and i wanted to see them soar. but in one way or another, they just let me down.

• onnanoko ga daicha dame desu ka? (ladies on top / is it wrong to get done by a girl?)

—

we don't have to be that dramatic for this one, actually. it's not even that i disliked it, but with a subject such as this one, i was supposed to love it. hand to your heart, how many romantic leading ladies have you ever read that get absolutely turned tf OFF by the usual confident kabedon-like romantic advancements of their love interest? note that i'm not talking about a girl who is unaffected until she starts to have feelings towards that person, i'm talking about actual 'EW what are you DOING?' and genuine desert dry pussy at the thought of having to assume the usual position with someone she already likes/is in love with/is in a relationship with.

the starting point of this manga is really strong. of course, immersed in the culture they are, both mitsuki (our main girl) and shinomiya (our main guy) have self-image troubles to the point of working really extra hard to try to conform in relationships going against their natural inclinations of sexual and romantic roles. i read this way back when there were only a handful of chapters and decided to wait for everything to be out so i could read it all at once and this year was the time for it.

and it was... fine? it was all right. i think this manga, along with many others, got lost in the sauce of non-conventionality until it founds its way back to a safe, tamer version of it. not in an overt, unforgivable way. what i mean is that maybe this was a bit too much of a psa than actual character exploration of a woman getting off on dominating her guy in bed and the actual sexiness of it. i don't mean to just say that it was all a disappointment because this manga had good moments of discovery, but i don't think it came even close to nailing making a story to people that already like the concept, rather than trying to explain itself to the "normal" audience. and for a manga who came to have such a discussion about these topics, it did not go actually deep into dominance and submission itself in relation to the masculine and feminine roles, in relation to certain sexual acts nor did it challenge pre-conceived notions of an act being inherently one thing or the other.

this manga also didn't know what to do with most of its side characters and i will forever be salty that we didn't get a bit more in the alt culture and gave a bit more of a spotlight to the messy ex of the main guy with a bit of a mean streak finding love with the nonbinary bisexual bartender who is clearly in love with her but is a bit stuck on the 'giving advice' position (THIS is what i mean about compelling flawed characters who we'll want to see going at it because they're interesting and have plot around them rather than the perfectly fine couple giving us all a lesson).

one final complaint i just can't seem to shut up about: feminine faces and the lips are freaky as fuck in this manga 😭 (in a bad bad way) am i really the only one completely bothered by the way the faces are drawn? like tf is thissss

it's like her lips go inwards and not outwards 😭 and compared to his face hers is so small it's just weirdd

• ibeon saeng-do jal butakae (see you in my 19th life)

—

i've already talked plenty about this one, but i really thought this was going to be a special one for me and it's painful when it isn't. as i said, i still really liked how jieum (our main girl) is this Being who has had many names and faces and genders which makes her approach things from romance to problem-solving in an unorthodox way. which makes it even sadder that the story didn't lean into her full potential to fit within the parameters of a heterosexual romance manwha. it's pretty much a waste of the charm of the character and their whole backstory (not to mention such refreshing character designs). seoha (our main guy) was done much better, but unfortunately, not enough to save this one from the weak writing. but i will still be grateful for the massive step forward we made in knowing how to write a female character simply longing and wanting to have someone and a male character letting himself be seduced. all of it without ever trying to point at it and "deconstruct back into normalcy". it's just the way they are :)

• watashitachi wa moto joshi desu (we are former girls)

—

when i found this one i was really excited. making boys turn into girls and girls turn into boys is one of my favorite things ever in media. and i don't mean something very temporary or not tied to your own identity like a body swap. imagine one day you woke up in a genderswapped version of your own body? you would have no choice but to evaluate in some way the cross between the equipment you have and how you want to present. how strongly do you feel about it? how do you want to see yourself and be seen by others? plus: the issues of people whom an ordinary cis protagonist might think was so distant from their own reality suddenly have something to do with them. on the hands of the right writer, it's a goldmine.

because of all this complication and because the manga actually was doing good in how the character was adjusting (or not) to their new life, i was ok with overlooking the implication that, because our previous female protagonist woke up in the body of a boy, that they would inevitably be attracted to girls. taking things in my way, i was happy to see it a bit differently. everyone knows testosterone has a way of making you hornier and seeing a "former" girl suddenly facing the attraction she feels towards girls was too interesting of a plot point for me to hang up too much on the heterossexist lens. i've ALWAYS wanted to read the story of a girl turning into a boy (a feminine one at that 🥳) and falling for a GIRL and working out the queerness of it in this sense rather than falling for a guy who will be ok with being gay for her/him.

but maybe that little problem was a warning for things to come. when the manga brings actual medical transition to the table it just did it horribly and in such a callous manner. something to understand about me is that i'm the chillest person in the world towards some queer concepts being done in manga without touching on the queer subtext of it. like oh you want to bring cross-dressing or body swapping, or disguised gender, or plain non-conforming girls and guys without really touching on the queerness or genderqueerness of it? sure, fine by me! i can and have enjoyed plenty of stories that do that.

but the moment you choose to start a conversation about topics explicitly pertaining to us you have started to play ball in our court and we expect you to do the bare minimum. do authors really think they can just take our struggles and our culture and our conversations and dilemmas and try to do some lame "commentary" on it completely out of their ass?? oh you want to use the big boy words and portray the big boy situations? great. but now you've actually gotta know what you're talking about. because this is not just a little detail or a little character quirk, you literally chose to make this a theme of your work. and i'm sorry, but if you're stupid about it, my patience has very hard limits. we have been misrepresented and looked at as freaks long enough for us to be still tolerating this in 2024.

now, to be fair to this manga, i think they try to make some amends in subsequent chapters. but the harm had already been done and they already proved to me they are dumb about it. so i basically gave this one a rest and will pick up again later.

obs: one more manga i read this year that made this same mistake -> seibetsu 'mona lisa' no kimi he. (the gender of mona lisa). have already said a lot about it.

obs2: one manga i read this year who managed to do the concept of genderbodyswapping in the most boring normative way possible -> jun to kaoru (jun and kaoru)

obs3: manga i read this year that felt borderline transphobic at times with their fantasy world puberty blockers that are so so bad for you and dragging the character into what their body is "actually supposed to be like" that just left me kinda uncomfortable -> crystal agassineun namjada (lady crystal is a man)

manga that did the same commentary on puberty blockers but didn't commit the grave sin of being boring so i like it better even though we lost our cute androgynous male character who grew up as a girl as was happy with his female identity -> useon namdongsaengbuteo sumgija (let's hide my little brother)

(going with the promo entry because it has a better synopsis. it's not an oneshot. and you can clearly see how the ML looks as a girl and of coooourse the author couldn't give us a short guy with androgynous traits even if he decided to live as man. nooo he has to be tall and broad shouldered and short haired and boring.

• saraba, yoki hi (farewell, happy days)

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i had even forgotten i actually read this one earlier this year haha. it's really unfortunate because it has everything in its favour. it's a nicely drawn contemplative story that explores various moments of our characters lives so we can hopefully understand why these siblings are in love with each other. and unfortunately... it just didn't land for me. i mentioned somewhere that while i could see the codependency, nothing was good enough for me to explain why these characters want and need each other romantically or sexually. in a manga where a scene like this exists, i find myself without the right words to explain exactly why because it should be there. clinging to childhood roles and the comfort they provide for each other being so close and with absent parents is a start, but it shouldn't be all there is to it.

i couldn't shake the feeling that these characters are only portrayed as the roles they play - the sister who's got it together and the brother who can't do anything right - rather than any actual peek into their inner lives that rings true and shows true desire and vulnerability. they tell each other at one point or another during their childhood that they like the other and it is basically that and the angst of not knowing how to be together. i can see that she wants to be with him and he wants to be with her, but why? some love stories may not need an exploration of that question, but this one, i mean. come on.

i wish i remembered more to explain better, but i don't ever plan on coming back to it because just remembering how bored i was completely discourages me. (by the way i remember i made a comment about how a friend of the characters and her dad make a better unintentional incest story than the own protagonists of this manga lol)

• gokurakugai

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i won't say too much here because i didn't read all that much. clearly and obviously, i started reading this manga for this character:

like bro look at her! but unfortunately just what i read was so derivative and cliché i guess. some chainsaw man jujutsu kaisen early bleach and naruto amalgamation that just came across a bit too much like generic shounen to me and i guess this really isn't my genre. i thought i would at least get an interesting partnership between what seemed to be the two main characters, but so far nothing scratched the itch. it's like it's all style, no substance. again, though: as far as i read.

and can i just say. i'm a boob guy, but even i think this was a character design mistake

maybe because i'm a boob person, i like to appreciate a well done instance of bringing out a character's appeal and sexiness by knowing how to draw big boobs, but just putting this on a character with this character design just smells like desperation to put ANY traditionally feminine sex appeal to be ogled at because they just couldn't let her be that cool with her androgynous-inclined fashion style and need to have an obvious "for the boys" trait. you can clearly see when she is drawn with more "usual" sized boobs for a character with her frame that it just fits her better.

honestly, it seems like it's nearly a lost art knowing how to draw big boobs that are actually appealing to anyone who knows a human woman and has lusted after real boobs. you do NOT have to go that far. with the right clothing, you can make boobs of any size look appealing. please stop thinking about character designs of female characters in terms of these obvious easy "appeals" and just do what looks right.

anyway. coming next, the highlights of the year for me!

[teacherintransition]

Blindly Following or Always Questioning?

An endless list of religions, philosophies, states of mind, coping mechanisms and dogmas open to everyone …but, be careful

There is a tendency for people aging to strongly attach oneself to a religious system as they slowly approach their golden years. It makes sense as we all crave peace of mind about the end. Studies also indicate that the possibility that some of us crave strict regimentation after retirement to replace the structure they had on the job. In my mind, I wanted to be free of “have to do’s,” but like Bob Dylan sang, “everybody got serve somebody.” We all have a simple craving for peace of the moment and peace of mind. Then, “they” declare such a path is impossible to pursue unless you pick ONE path without question or complaint. Damn. That result sounds a lot like work.

Before proceeding, I wish to make clear that I’m not speaking derogatorily about anyone’s religion of spiritual beliefs. Total respect for the choices people make. This piece is about a personal journey a person makes when life changes and they try to make sense of it all. It seems like a frightening journey; as if we are doomed if …we …choose …poorly. Can we not escape the mindset that destruction awaits if we take a foot of the RIGHT path? Free from occupational responsibilities and we still have to stress over our decisions about how we live life? I can’t believe we were meant to live life in this fearful manner.

An almost endless array of possibilities to live one’s life and some hang over your shoulder to taunt and second guess your choices; ad infinitum. The Population Reference Bureau estimate that up to 110 billion people have been born throughout the earth’s existence.* Forget the finger print thing, consider that none of these people perceived nature, truth, love, suffering, hope, vision, hearing …any sensation in exactly the same way. No one adheres to an objective truth in exactly the same way as others because every perception we have is uniquely experienced…thus, does truth become subjective? Yes? No? I dunno. It’s a damn big question that has been asked over 110 billion times.

All through our work lives, we are told by motivational gurus that to be problem solvers, we must realize there is no one right way to accomplish a task. Ok, I agree; but our peace of mind is contingent on hitting an emotional, spiritual bullseye? I wrestle with that. Life is suffering and loss and joy and friendship and trauma and trying one’s best to do what’s right. Yet, our eternal contentment must be based on an exact conclusion? I wrestle with that. I feel alone. As I read philosophy, religion, history, I realize I am far from the only guy to have these questions (8 billion folks alive at this moment); it’s a question as old as time. There are over 3000 faiths and philosophies practiced all over this world through multiple histories and cultural experiences but you better get it right no matter the personal perceptions of a myriad of life’s challenges? I would never challenge a person’s personal path to peace of mind. It is a unique struggle for humanity. I think we true pilgrims find our bits of truth …and if lucky, we find it.

*Kaneda, Toshiko; “How Many People Have Ever Lived on Earth?;” www.prb.org; November 15, 2022