#this is actually my butch wife if you didn't know

[doberbutts]

The problem with the concept that there are trans men who don’t have male privilege is that it seems to imply that there are trans women who DO have it, which is a concept that is widely agreed to be unequivocally transmisogynistic. Any rebuttal for this?

My rebuttal is; I know trans women who have lived in my house and sat on my couch and watched movies and played videogames with me who have told me to my face that they did receive male privilege on a similar incredibly conditional, individual, and situational basis similar to how I am describing for trans men, how it relied on the closet and total stealth, and very aware they had to be of the line they were toeing, and how much worse they are treated now that they are out and transitioning, and how afraid they are to say it because of rabid people online who are looking for any excuse whatsoever to hurt them when they deal with that enough in their everyday lives.

I am forever reminded of this older interview (mid-90s early 2000s I think) of transgender Japanese citizens and this one person who was probably what we would call a trans woman. And, like my butch friend, was trapped in a situation in which there was absolutely zero room to breathe. They were amab, married to a woman with multiple children, working as a businessman to support the family. They said how they always felt like a woman on the inside, and how they knew that could never be a reality for them, so they didn't see much point in pursuing anything because it would break their family apart. The only thing they could do was make various cute needlework girly things during their daily commute to and from work. They had some cover story for their wife that they were buying them from a shop for their daughters or something.

Do you think that this person, who is perceived by everyone around them to be a cis man for several decades, does not benefit from male privilege in any way despite probably not actually being a man? Do you understand what I'm talking about when I say that this is a topic that needs to be discussed with far more delicacy and nuance than "man privilege woman not privilege"?

Do you think that all of the accounts of trans women out there saying "when I came out and started identifying as and passing for a woman, people suddenly started treating me much worse" and "I frequently have to boymode because otherwise my life is too dangerous" aren't discussions of exactly what I'm talking about?

Privilege is a tricky, complicated thing. It's also something bigoted society bestows upon you, and not a moral critique of your own existence. TERFs and MRAs both have poisoned the well, but that's not a reason to completely disregard the much-needed grace that has to be had during these conversations.

Personally I think any trans person's experience with "male privilege" is shakey at best and entirely contingent on a wide number of factors that you can't just point at their gender and say yes or no. I think it's way more complicated than that. And I don't think anyone is lesser for having or not having it, either. Gender is a morally neutral thing. Gender presentation is a morally neutral thing. It is okay to exist. It's okay to have a complicated existence.

[cowboyjen68]

hi jen! i've know im a lesbian since I was 12, but because of my problems with socializing i've never actually had ANY romantic interactions(my lesbianism making things even harder, as you can imagine)

i'm almost out of high school and going to college, so i'm feeling very down about missing out on teen romance but dont want the same thing to happen again. do you have any tips on what i can do to avoid this problem in the future? i am genuinely clueless on what to do when looking for a partner, really

even if you dont actually have any advice to give i still really love your blog, it reminds me that lesbians can actually grow old and live happy lives💖💖thank you for hearing me out and i apologize for any grammar mistake!!

This is pretty easy because, while it was pretty outgoing and friendly, it was often not as my full self. I kept my horse girl, lesbian, butch and weird music and hobby side of myself under wraps from most of my friends. I had no word for lesbian or butch but my high school best friend knew I probably liked girls, we just never discussed it and it didn't bother her. It might have been harder on our friendship had I tried to come out in the 80's, not because it bothered her but the insinuations of all the others about our relationship would have been A LOT for a high schooler.

I waited until after college graduation and I used to sometimes look back and wonder how many times I missed out kissing a girl in high school or other women in college. How had twinges of regret for not having sex or even attempting intimacy with women.( I mostly avoided boys too because ew)

As I was sitting in a miserable passionless marriage to my wife of 17years, I pined for that passion and tingle that i had with my first girlfriend from ages 23 to 30. How many times did I miss that feeling with girls in my high school or college or at summer jobs because I was unsure of myself and not confident that any woman would find me attractive. I was even unsure if loving a woman was something I could do. Was it a real thing?

Looking back now I realize I just was not ready and most of my young friends in high school were not ready for me to be out and opening attracted to the same sex. I had fun in high school, made friends and had a small group of girls I was very close to. I enjoyed those friendships perhaps because I did not come out and cause those bonds to be strained.

In college I was concerned how my parents would react and I was in no way independent from their financial and emotional support. My friends were all around me experimenting with their sexuality and I was watching from outside, really wanting what they had but not willing to give up my security and college education to be open about being a lesbian. I knew I could just "do it and hide it" but I was not built for the stealthy life. I know if i was loving loving women it would be hard to be quiet.

Here is the point I am getting at with the sharing of all these experiences. If you were not ready to act on dating and attempting to date it is probably good that you listened to yourself. We are not on a time line and many young people feel pressured to date when their confidence, sexual maturity and social skills are not ready yet which can lead them to be vulnerable to abusive, controlling or unhealthy relationships. It is hard to listen to your own intuition and set and keep boundaries when you are trying to date just to not be the only one not dating.

What you more likely missed out on was not the thrill of dating but the hassle of pretending you want to date when it didn't feel right, at all.

You are heading to college. You are now becoming interested in the excitement of dating on your own and not because others think you need to date. You are craving the touch, the tingly feeling and the companionship of women. These are all good signs you are ready to date.

My advice:

1.Be honest with yourself and then her (your date) every time. Do not go on date number two if it does not feel right. If you are unsure go on another date but continue to listen to yourself.

2.You deserve passion and mutual excitement to be in the company of a woman. If one of you do not feel it, move on.

3.Do not stick to a relationship because it is "ok" or she is "nice" . You have the right to sexual, emotional and intellectual stimulation. Look for it and don't settle.

4.There will be other women so don't cling to the first one or the one willing to stick around just because she is there. If you don't feel all the afore mentioned excitement, be honest with yourself and her and move on.

5. Dating a woman with whom you share many wonderful moments and lots of joy does not mean you will be together forever or have that expectation. Short term love is a thing and neither of you are failures when that fades out.

6. Ask her. If you see a woman that interests you be clear that you would like to take her on a date and you have romantic interests. Don't be vague or try to use hints. This leads to miscommunications and false expectation every time.

7. Finally, use all the dating and flirting and breakups and heartbreaks and joy and fun and memories to form who and what you are looking for as a partner. All that experience is giving you a better idea on what makes you truly happy.

You missed out on nothing. The adventure is just beginning and it can start with a simple "Hi, I think you are cute. Would you be willing to go on a date with me?" She might say "no", but she MIGHT say "yes".

[linka-from-captain-planet]

Power ranking BG3 ladies based on how much I'd personally like to marry them

All main and supporting women: Shadowheart, Lae'zel, Karlach Minthara, Jaheira, Isobel, Aylin, Mizora, Orin

Plus my background babes: Florrick, Talli, Alfira, Lakrissa, Araj, Nocturne, Skoona, Adrielle, Z'rell, Roah, Nine-Fingers, and special guest star Philomeen

*Isobel and Aylin deserve to be regarded as individuals occasionally, so yes I'm wrecking that home (Alfira and Lakrissa too)

*essentially, top 10 is "women I would like to marry" and 11-21 and is "women I would not like to marry"

Quartermaster Talli. Granted she has an unfair advantage due to looking and vibing as a fusion of my IRL girlfriend and the butch lesbian who installed my new garage door 3 years ago whom I'm still mildly obsessed with. But anyway, we'd have a really great life together. We'd be able to communicate, we'd be compatible in the bedroom, we have similar values. Wife material, Grade A - the gold standard comparison for everyone else on the list.

Isobel. We'd have our tiffs (we can both be a little catty and sensitive), but overall we'd be a pretty stable match. We'd put in the work to make it last. I feel like being a cleric counts as a "job" so I appreciate that.

Nocturne. My #1 "I can fix her" pick because I think I actually can. I appreciate a hard worker, so Nocturne having distinguished herself in her uh workplace enough to become an officer is very respectable to me. We could go to therapy together. Not a perfect match, but I think we could make it work.

Lakrissa. Would be an easy second place if she didn't read so young. She's a little immature (a little over-dedicated, a little too self-sacrificing) and so she'd have to do some growing up, but I think we could make it work.

Florrick. Even though she's my #1 beloved and by FAR the sexiest person in the entire game and I would do anything to [redacted], we'd be like two brick walls getting married. We're too similar. But sheer affection and lust propel her to the top 5 anyway, even though we'd probably be married 10 sexless years before one of us finally snapped and filed for divorce.

Skoona. Assuming she drops the whole self-deprecating thing (can't stand that). She has a job, she's sensitive, she's romantic, she's humble, and she's hot. I don't think we'd knock each others' socks off, but we'd be a nice match.

Lae'zel. Extremely 22 years old and that's an issue for me. I'm also too sensitive to make it through her tough outer shell to get to the soft waifu meat inside. However, she does have amazing wife material to uncover, so I think if I could be her second wife, we'd be golden.

Adrielle. We'd have our problems as two neurotic faux-normies, but we're neurotic in different ways, so maybe we'd complete each other? She's very conscientious and thoughtful, though, which are the most important wife traits for me. With commitment and therapy, we'd make it work, but it wouldn't be the smoothest ride.

Jaheira. I don't really want to be a step parent to young kids, so that pulls her down the list a bit, but there's no way I couldn't have her in the top 10. We'd get along great; we have the same sense of humor; we're both not clingy. A good match, but not really the wife for me.

Minthara. I want her so bad but she'd eat me alive and not in the sexy way. I would let her walk all over me for 2-3 years though, assuming she didn't dump me first. Impossible to rank below the top 10, but objectively not the wife for me.

Shadowheart. Like Lae'zel, there's a lot to get through before you get to the wife material deep inside. I would also need to be her second wife. Also, I'm not doing that cottagecore shit and I cannot have that many animals in my house.

Araj. I know I called her bad in bed 2 different ways in two other posts but that's not a problem, she's so sexy and interesting to me that I know I would fall super hard for her. I too love science? We have something in common. I feel like she'd bring out a lot in me, not necessarily good things, but to be loved is to be changed? I would probably come to my senses before really risking it all though.

Alfira. I love her so much but I am no Lakrissa, I could not handle both supporting her while she pursues her artistic goals AND having to top every time. We'd be that miserable couple that lets it drag on forever because nothing is *wrong* even though nothing is *right* and wind up hating each other.

Nine-Fingers. She'd stress me out too much. Running the streets, making enemies... what if a shake-down goes wrong? Admittedly I'm tempted to live out my mafia wife fantasies with her, but realistically, I think I'd have too many nervous breakdowns to make it worth it.

Karlach. The divorce would be so epic that I almost wanted to rank her higher, but I just know deep down that we would trigger/frustrate the fuck out of each other and completely implode long before making it to the courthouse and/or altar.

Aylin. I routinely get over-stimulated by my cats brushing against my leg when I'm trying to multi-task working and listening to music, so there is no universe in which I could tolerate being married to Aylin. She's too exuberant and touchy. I would be scream-crying WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME every time she simply asked me how my day was in her usual volume. An absolute disaster, she'd smother me despite her best intentions.

Z'rell. She can have place #17 to match the 17 husbands which I would not be okay with. I'm not jealous, but I'm not THAT not jealous. She's also just really harsh and I'm a crier, so we probably would not be able to have a conversation, let alone a relationship.

Roah Moonglow. Like Nine-Fingers, but I feel like the Zhent is like, a second-rate criminal organization and so it'd be like being a second-rate mafia wife. All the stress, fewer fist-sized emerald necklaces.

Mizora. On top of everything else, she's also a corporate LAWYER... yuck

Philomeen. I would go on 1 date with Philomeen, let her start a blowup fight with me outside of [regional burrito chain], let her neg me into fucking anyway, go no contact, and let her booty call me 2 years later at 3AM like nothing happened, but I would not even slightly consider dating her, let alone marrying her.

Orin. Ignoring the whole serial killer thing that's neither here nor there, the problem is the combo of overbearing family (my #1 dealbreaker of all time) and lack of communication skills (my #2 dealbreaker of all time). Like I'd be constantly trying to get her to go no contact with Serevok and she'd never listen and she'd always be talking in fucking Dr Seuss riddles and disappearing and pissing me off.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for vaguely coming out to my boyfriend's aunt at Thanksgiving?

As you can probably guess my bf and I are a gay couple. There was a mostly unspoken - just bc it didn't need to be spoken - agreement that we'd be acting like we were just good friends at his family's Thanksgiving bc they're Catholic and he's generally just not ready to be out.

It was just me, him, his parents, and his visiting aunt... who was decidedly very butch. Like undeniably. There's the standard old-lady-with-short-hair look but then there was this genuinely bulky rural woman who is unmarried at 60, never had kids, and outright told me that her friends essentially called her a masc name AND that she was here instead of home bc the "close friend" she usually spends holidays with passed away this year. It all just added up like crazy. Idk if my bf's parents have put it together themselves and/or if they just ignore it or what, and actually even my bf denied it when I first brought it up but I think he's just struggling to reconcile his upbringing with who he is and whatnot.

Anyway, that last part about the aunt's likely partner was during a private moment between the two of us, and it really sealed it for me. I started to offer condolensces and she immediately changed the subject to ask about the "close friendship" between me and my bf-- plausibly innocently, but I just felt it was right and I more or less confessed to her that I had really strong feelings for him.

And that's ALL i confessed. I didn't actually say we were dating. I just alluded strongly to the like, "we are the same" type vibes and that her nephew is like, my dream man. I didn't imply anything about his sexuality. For all she knows, I have unrequited feelings for him or something. And I know she's definitely gay herself now with how she reacted, AND she made it pretty clear she wasn't gonna tell her brother or his wife. She's chill.

So the issue is that I recently told my bf about this, knowing he would at least be upset that I didn't tell him sooner. And I'm totally ready to accept the flack for being a coward about the honestly on that part. I figured he really ought to know about his aunt, if nothing else. But he's also upset that I said anything to her of that nature at all. He insists it's the principle of the thing, that the lack of consequences mean nothing and that I should have just assumed the worst and been more careful, etc. And like, I did feel a little bad about my big fucking mouth in the moment, but ultimately it felt like a nice and important moment of connection. But WAS I the asshole for not being more careful? Like really?

What are these acronyms?

[butcharium]

Did you have any butch teachers growing up?ps have a aafe journey!

No I did not have any butch teachers :((((((( I did however have a teacher when I was roughly 13-15 whom I some years later met in public where she was with her WIFE and their little baby. I remember it left me a bit shaken and I felt almost a bit betrayed because I was doing so badly socially those years and she knew (common topic in our teacher - student discussions as she was responsible for my class) and everyone then seemed to have known I was gay and talked about it behind my back but I didn't know or rather I knew years earlier just repressed it and it would have been so helpful with a teacher as a role model or just if she could've said anything during those conversations etc etc I even started to draft a long email which I of course never sent. Afterwards I did however remember that she had us analyze "fast car" by Tracy Chapman in english class and also once she showed the class that Swedish lesbian coming of age film fucking Åmål, to which my reaction had simply been confusion around how the film fit into the curriculum. I also later remembered an incident where two of the girls who used to be mean to me asked her about her personal life and she mentioned living together with another woman whom she called a friend. The girls wanted to know if they were actually a couple but before our teacher had any opportunity to answer I swooped in to say that it was Perfectly Normal for friends to live together, as seen in literature with the great example of Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson. Absolute clown behaviour.

Oh and she didn't recognize me at all when I went up to her to say hi:')

[celebrate-lesbianism]

8?

8. can you share the story of you coming out? 

Coming out as a lesbian and coming out as a butch lesbian felt like two different experiences so I'll address both. Either way, it was a really difficult process for me made worse by the fact that I grew up in an insulated rural community with unsupportive family. 

I officially came out as a lesbian at age 19/20 but knew I was attracted to the same sex since age 10/11. I went to a culty af high school where we had classes on gender roles and traditional marriage, and like I mentioned in my last response, the progressive teacher I looked up to said that women can't be fully homosexual so I spent my teen years thinking I was bisexual by default. I started identifying that way at age 13, which did not feel right, but it was the only language I thought I could use.

Fast forward about 6 years, and it was actually my mother who brought up the fact that I might be a lesbian. This was shocking to me because we had a terrible relationship, she REFUSED to let me have short hair growing up because it "looked dykey," and she worked so hard to bully the tomboy out of me when I was a kid. I don't really remember why she brought it up but I think it let us both process the inevitable, and from there I could finally put the pieces together and start working on self-acceptance. 

I dated a little bit at 20, cut my hair, and started presenting more masculine. For the most part, I liked how women reacted to me, and I loved how I felt. I didn't love being compared to a man so much though, or how hard it was to find clothes, or the way that I started getting treated as suspect in a lot of LGBT spaces. All that plus backlash at work and from my family ultimately made me conform to femininity again for a while. 

When I was 21, I started dating my now wife. She was the first woman who I felt was actually dating me for me and there was a lot of freedom in that. I wasn't being sized up against a man and I didn't have to look or act a certain way for her approval. I could just be myself, and so I started figuring out what "being myself" meant for me, and it turns out that it meant what it has always meant deep down: being a butch woman. 

I embraced my butch identity in recent years with my wife's support and she has found that she has a connection to the femme identity. I moved to a bigger city that is more accepting of gender non-conformity and I cut ties with a lot of family members that were holding me back. I know what I like and don't like, and I'm at an age where I don't care as much about what others think about my appearance or my life. I can just live and focus on what's important to me.

It took a while to develop the confidence and the self-esteem to be open and honest about who I am and what I want, but here I am at age 27, happy, married, and butch. 🙂

[sugaroto]

I miss my wife...(Saw a dream I got married)

Pretty funny actually cause I was going to the wedding wondering who was the one to be late since that's usually the woman's role but I wasn't sure who got that role

But anyway I went , I think we went at the same time so no one had to wait lol

And then I was wondering what my wife's name was cause I didn't know

Apparently she just proposed to me and I was like yes but I didn't even know their name yet and I was thinking "damn lesbian relationships really do move fast. We're already getting married! I don't even know her name that's embarrassing. Oh and I still haven't come out to my mom :/ I'll do it after the wedding... Or never who knows"

Idk why I was logically overthinking in my dream

The wife looked cool. Pretty butch, idk how to describe them, really short blonde hair, they might have been wearing a costume idk

Goodbye dream wife I'll remember you <3

[smaller-comfort]

It always comes down to the classics, right? Orpheus and Eurydice, never knowing who will emerge from the darkness with you; Pandora's Box, and the things you can't undo.

Anyway, here's the finale and the coda (which is like an epilogue except it's a musical term; when you play a coda, you go back to the beginning again see what I did there) wherein I go completely off the rails into wild and speculative AU territory. Look at those new pairing tags. I can't believe I quoted The Last Unicorn in the chapter summary. Utterly shameless.

Extensive notes below the cut, because I like to hear myself talk.

Monk is like a baby butch trying desperately not to fumble this sad divorced cougar a second time. It's fine. They'll figure it out. They might even be good for each other; there certainly aren't very many things that would make either of them worse.

A silly little joke about tomatoes evolved into all of this. Over 9000 words! There are themes! Or an attempt at themes, anyway, and an attempt at laying the groundwork for some sort of narrative arc from beginning to end. I tried to make each character scene tie together in some way; I hope I succeeded.

Ninja still doesn't know how to spell PTSD; I should probably add Ninja/A Fucking Nap (unrequited) to the pairing tags.

Writing this was a blast, honestly. Embrace the cringe, be free, write it weird and self-indulgent and unhinged. I keep laughing at my own jokes; this is the longest piece of fanfic I have ever finished and published.

I still might write the sequel where Ninja gets pegged properly. He deserves something nice.

The real epilogue is actually just Shopkeeper and Phantom taking turns curb stomping Resh'an in the void, because if they have to learn to live with their inescapable grief, so does he. This all kind of ties into another WIP I have on deck- I have to make sure I don't just directly crib any Shopkeeper's lines for Resh'an, because they're both out here doing horrible things hoping that the end will someday bring an absolution for the things they've done.

It won't, and they just have to live with it, anyway. I was originally going to have Phantom get into that with Shopkeeper in the coda, but I wanted to wrap things up neatly.

"Of course I did. How could I have ever sent it to anyone else?" The final scene didn't originally have Shopkeeper doing a secret identity reveal, but then that line got suck in my head and I figured why not make everything even more fucked up. (Still firmly in speculative AU territory, really. I think it's more likely for Shopkeeper to be Phantom and Muse's kid than anything else, honestly.)

Okay, so here's Phantom, and this is Phantom's ex-wife, Shopkeeper, but it was an amicable divorce, they still hang out sometimes. And this is Shopkeeper's girlfriend, Monk, and Monk's hapless twunk Ninja (they are in a lesbian-centric semi-non-sexual throuple)-

Look, I think I am hilarious.

Shopkeeper and Monk mostly just flirted outrageously with each other back in the day. Monk is less concerned with romance than she is with being forgiven, which probably isn't clear enough in the story.

I'm still halfway convinced that I should reformat it as a one shot, but I also think I am very funny in some of those chapter notes, so I'll probably leave it. Over 9000 words!

[andtheny]

A Vanilla Prick wants me because I don't want him

He's lonely, desperate, and on the lamb

His ex-wife is chasin' his bank account

He thinks he can hide under my mattress

Squeeze in my closet

And nestle against my bosom like a baby lion

But I'm not your fucking mother, Vanilla Prick

A Vanilla Prick isn't always white

In fact, nine times out of ten, he's black as Africa

But skin don't matter, I can see his insides

He tastes like VANILLA

Like a virgin, he's only had sex with his ex-girlfriend

He never learned how to please a woman

That's why she left you, asshole!

She didn't give a rat's ass that you gained ten pounds, you stupid fuck

Just wanted a good time, and you failed to deliver

A Vanilla Prick loves the rat race

He's gettin' his steps in

Makin' those gains

Those muscles fail to impress me, Vanilla Prick

Not only do I find them asthetically displeasing

But, as a bonus, I've learned that a muscular men taste Vanilla

I want to fuck a cyborg, thanks

Tall or short, happy or sad

As long as he knows what the fuck he's doing

Actually, you know what?

I'm an excellent teacher

Give me a virgin, sure

I'll show them what I like

But stay the fuck away from me, Vanilla Pricks

Your ex-boyfriend tainted you

This Vanilla Prick was bisexual when I met her at the LGBT club

But her ex-boyfriend, Prince Eric, lowered her self esteem

Now she thinks she can take that out on me?

I'm sorry, did my C cups resemble his man tits?

Did I forget to shave my fucking mustache again?

My bad, this is so all on me

Listen up, Butch, you're a Hello Kitty Batman Vanilla Prick

You're obsessed with sex, erotica, monster fucking, etcetera

But you can't even be arsed to give me a fucking hug?

What a frigid Vanilla Prick

Oh, I'm sorry, how politically incorrect of me

You aren't frigid, you're asexual

My bad, my bad, let's Just Be Friends

In fact, I was looking for a roommate that doesn't secretly want to fuck me

How convenient!

Do you promise not to secretly wish you could fuck me?

If so, let's get married

Pardon, let's be roommates, I should say

Queer - Platonically, of course

Ah, I'm not allowed to flirt with my female coworkers?

I'm only allowed to have one night stands with stupid straight men?

Why, if we're just roommates?

Ooooooh, and now I'm not allowed to marry my girlfriend Robin? That's funny, my Daddy said the same thing. He ALSO told me to stay away from women and only have sex with straight men

Well, technically he told me he wanted me to find a husband, but it's synonymous, honey

Why are you fucking crying?

We're just roommates!

That's what you told your family, isn't it?

IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE EVEN HAVING SEX, YOU POSSESSIVE DYKE

What do you mean, you secretly wanted to be more than roommates since we met at the LGBT club in 2015?

You

SAID

You

Did

Not

Want

To

Have

Sex

With

Me

You psychotic cunt!

Listen, I understand

Bitches be crazy

However, I'm damn tired of Vanilla Pricks treating me like fucking trash

Do you want to fuck or not?

Don't tease me, baby

What, did he think I wanted to look at a photograph of his penis?

Was it supposed to impress me?

I looked at it, shrugged, and said, "Look, are you DTF or not?"

He said, "I'm married!"

What a Vanilla Prick

[kylejsugarman]

i actually had a dream about sheila last night sjsjjsp i love her and i know you don’t talk about her a lot but: what was her experience growing up as a lesbian in alaska in like. the ‘50s/‘60s (i don’t remember if you mentioned her exact age but im assuming it was around that period)? what got her into woodworking? did she and her wife ever want kids? if so, what kept them from having kids? most importantly would she post minion memes on facebook? also i just love her for your au… jesse getting another experienced older role model and baby having a surrogate aunt/grandma figure, even if she can’t totally remember josephine, and someone who will encourage her to be more confident and outspoken is 🥲💕‼️

the idea of sheila barging into a dream is SO funny to me omg, i hope it was a good experience :') the alaska story starts canonically in 2010 and sheila is 52 then, so she did start growing up in the 60s!! she was a "tomboy" who refused to grow her hair out or wear dresses because that was so aligned with dating boys and she simply did not want to do that. her abrasive personality combined with this attitude towards femininity made sheila pretty unpopular in her small alaska town and her family, so she took off shortly after finishing high school to hitchhike around juneau. she found a small gay scene there that made sheila realize she was not a "tomboy" but a butch lesbian and that she was damn proud of it. in order to make some money, she used her scant knowledge of carpentry from fixing furniture and putting in insulation with her dad to get some work on the docks as part of a boat repair crew. sheila took to the craft pretty quickly and could fix nearly anything after just a few years of working, as well as carve up some of her own pieces. while working in juneau, sheila met her future wife bea, who served as a crew member on chartered boat rides. the two of them fell in love and eventually decided that they were tired of the dock and city life in general, so they moved to haines where bea's family was originally from. sheila had saved up enough from taking on repair projects in juneau to buy a storefront in town, which she turned into her repair/restoration/furniture commission store carvings!! that store is her baby, honestly. neither sheila nor bea wanted kids: they liked one another's company and liked living on their own terms. that isn't to say they don't love children, which they both do, but sheila and bea value their time and freedom and prefer giving attention to each other and their work. and she absolutely Does post minion memes on facebook, the woman cannot get through the day without posting a crispy-ass image of a minion looking pissed next to big block text that's like "someone asked me a question before i had my coffee. they didn't like the answer." she's unrepentant and loud and loves red wine and reality shows and facebook groups and adores jesse even if she is constantly telling him what he should or shouldn't do and giving her input where it was not requested. honestly jesse had some good role models on brba but i truly think having sheila there could have fixed him. she would at least have made him brush his hair.

[cowboyjen68]

i appreciate everything you do so much <3 it would have been so great to have had positive interactions with lesbains and butch women in particular, from an early age. Took me a while to figure myself out and because comfortable in myself because I was trying to compromise with my mom, for her it's bad enough that her daughter's a lesbian.. but she's also butch!! the horror lol. she would always point out butch women we saw on the street and say snarky stuff about them and it was always so disheartening, because I wanted to be like them. Now I have a femme girlfriend and friends who support me, and I'm letting myself embrace that more but sometimes it's still in the back of my mind. But finding your account on tiktok has honestly done wonders for me, it's been so incredibly helpful! I think a lot of ppl are very grateful for everything you do 💖

I distinctly remember thinking "there is no way I am butch or lesbian because I am not like all of the ways other people describe them." The only depictions I saw were "tough, angry and distant" women who tried very hard to be "one of the boys" . Caricatures of butch women as created by mostly straight men.

I heard us talked about as "man hatiing, OR worse maybe, "just like a man". And I knew then didn't mean the kind of men I had in my life like my dad and brothers who were kind and humorous guys. I only ever heard my male family members talk highly of wives and girlfriends. They were the kind of guys who would definitley rather hang out with their spouses and not the "boys". They meant the caricatures of men that I saw in the movies or old TV shows. The kind who say "the old ball and chain" and either complain about women or talk about them as only objects of sexual desire, not as full humans.

I did mental inventory checklists. I don't hate men, I don't look at women and see JUST boobs or some such nonsense. But I did know I saw them as sexually attractive as pueberty hit, which caused me a whole other set of concerns "Oh no.. AM I JUST like those kind of men?!". I didn't WANT to not understand or be like other women, I just couldn't quite fit in or be "one of the girls" at social gatherings. I realized later that many of the girls I felt "othered" from where just better at fitting the stereotype that earned them acceptance than I was. None of them were actually fitting into the "box" society said they should. They played the part to "fit in". And many of them actually felt or were shamed when they DID like things our culture said they should, like they were giving in. GIrls could just not win.

My mom, who later told me she knew I was a lesbian by 4 or 5 or so never said anything bad about lesbians perse. BUT she defininitely pushed me to be more "feminine" in subtle ways. She herself played softball, rallied against wearing skirts (by rolling up jeans underneath and loosing the dress once away from home). She did not fit all the steretyples of a "1950's House wife" when she married dad. My dad would say he loved her because she was different. Independant.

I think a part of my mom recoginzed that being a masculine woman DID come with dangers and judgements from the outside world. As a parent she wanted to remove as many obstacles from her child's life as she could. As a parent myself I look back and understand. She knew I would always be a lesbian but she maybe thought she could curtail some of the visibility of butchness under clothes and mannerisms. Constantly saying "don't be loud, be nice the the boys, Just TRY the dress, put on a clean shirt, try not to get dirty, SMILE, don't sit like that".

In hindsight, as a woman she very well understood the aggression with which society and people could use to get women to fall in line, to adhere to our role. My dad, being a man, was constantly like "let her be, leave her alone, she's a tomboy, it's fine. Who cares?" He just had no idea who much MORE demand there is for women to conform. Mom did.

I can't say this is your mom's unconscious thought process, she might just be unable to understand butch is a thing you just ARE and her limited understand of how women are supposed to be does not allow her to get that. But perhaps her actions are formed my experience as a woman.

I am so glad you are loving yourself. The act of a butch realizing we can just live, unaided, unbothered and with no effort as a butch is a freeing feeling. Having a femme girlfriend is icing on the cake. I can say I never felt so loved and protected as when my girlfriend would tell me she appreciated me, found me sexy, that SHE felt safe with me.

Thank you for your kind words about my tiktok. I can't hear enough times that my presence on the internet helps, yet just hearing it once is enough to motivate me to keep on keeping on! Lesbian and butch positivity and visibility was important to me coming out and I am paying that forward.

[a-flickering-soul]

list of slenderverse women and whether they're butch or femme according to me a femme lesbian

i didn't cover characters i have zero concept of or don't remember, but i did include characters i have seen clips or gifsets of because i can perceive vibes. i want you all to know that i am always correct and never wrong and i will not take criticism on this list <3

steph (everymanhybrid): unaligned and thinks she's superior for it

jessa (everymanhybrid): CLASSIC femme!!! spiritually she's got the long nails and the loving home and the rock of stability vibes

jessie (everymanhybrid): butch butch without a doubt butch and evan's best friend and they are bros

linnie (everymanhybrid): no idea

maryann corenthal (everymanhybrid): also no idea?? maybe femme but in the specifically farm wife who's also an artist kind of way who works with her hands and finds her strength in her work

stormy (mlandersen0): unaligned but femme-leaning in a weird undefined kind of way

lexx (whisperedfaith): femme and a huge bitch i saw one single clip of her being soooo so so mean to the main characters and immediately just felt the bitchy femme energy

story (keratingarden): femme!!! definitely a femme and a weird one too

serena (stan frederick): definitelyyyyy a lesbian but unaligned girl i see those glasses

angel (stan frederick): my best friend my fellow femme of color <3 i saw that bigass yellow jacket and those huge hoops and just knewwwww

jessica locke (marble hornets): she's actually the real reason i made this post. jessica locke to Me has incredibly incredibly powerful butch energy. don't ask me why. she has the strongest butch energy i've seen in a slenderverse woman ever. for sure has a big ol carabiner and multiple pocketknives.

[doberbutts]

I think part of the issue came when transsexual and gender non-conforming were merged under the trans umbrella. It has somehow led people to think you don't need to experience dysphoria in order to transition... like why would you go through all the surgeries, legal issues and possible social ostracization if you didn't have to?

That seems a little too much tbh. It leaves out a lot of people who have "transition treatments" who are not transitioning within the binary and people who have what would be regarded as an "incomplete" transition.

I do think that forcibly grouping everyone together has actually left some people out- I know a fairly large amount of people who consider themselves nonbinary but not transgender and have zero desire to transition and zero dysphoria. I know cis gay men and cis butch women who consider themselves cis but not men/women- specifically they consider themselves butch as a gender or femme as a gender- and some of them transition and some of them don't, but all of them would say "well my body is [sex] so that's what I fill out on medical forms". I know people who are what they call gender apathetic where, again, they'd say "my body is [sex] so sure I guess" but otherwise have no attachment to manhood or womanhood, some of which transition and some of which don't and none of which consider themselves transgender. They all liked the asterisk back when it was more common because it felt like a little nod to them without forcibly assigning them "transgender" when they were not.

Similarly I think the idea of the word "transsexual" falling out of common use when it was still used as an important distinction between someone who specifically wanted medical transition and someone who either didn't or couldn't and when there are still people today who use it to describe themselves was a mistake. That trans woman who mentored me did not refer to herself as transgender- she was a transsexual, helping a transgender kid (me) transition into being transsexual (aka start medically transitioning). She, like me, did not identify as a "trans" woman. She was simply a woman, who had transitioned from her birth sex to her true self.

I also think a lot of people do actually have dysphoria when they think they don't, either because they've gotten used to repressing or because they are in a supportive environment where they don't have to think about it. I feel it's evidenced by people who otherwise "don't have dysphoria" until someone deliberately misgenders them or until they are forced to really examine how comfortable they are being gendered a certain way.

I had this talk with a friend of mine who at the time identified as a cis butch and who asked me how I felt about the transmed/trender thing some years ago. I do think dysphoria is a driving force in a lot of transitions but I think a lot of people are so used to only labelling the extremes as dysphoria- people who are actively suicidal or self harming because they are in distress- rather than understanding that that behavior often starts as a general discomfort being forcibly gendered incorrectly (and often paired with the euphoria of being gendered correctly, and then oh god oh shit that's not normal repress repress repress) and only escalates from there when that person is not safe to examine that discomfort/elation and fix what's hurting them.

My friend took my words home with them, discussed it intensely with their wife... and now three years later both of them have come out as transgender, nonbinary, and one of them has had a few medical procedures. They discovered that the niggling feeling they had at being addressed as a woman, though they were content in their butchness, was actually dysphoria they hadn't realized was starting, and that seeing me, a binary trans man being happy and masc and loving the same butch rep they also grew up with because it spoke to me, was what gave them the euphoria to experiment and try. Now they're further than me!

This is actually not an uncommon track for a lot of trans men and a lot of trans mascs and I'm glad I could help them find some clarity. They were someone who "didn't have dysphoria" until I pointed a few things out. They were otherwise just GNC and very gay for their wife. We live in a transphobic, homophobic society. I think a lot of people have been forced to live in survival mode for so long that we get a lot of people recognizing their own mental distress because we don't have the ability to sit down and actually examine it. Look how many people figure out they're gay or bi way late in life because it was never safe for them to consider the possibility.

I know this ask is probably just bait to try and out me as either a transmed or a transtrender but I don't think either of those labels suit me. I've always been very live and let live with this type of thing, and I have friends all over the trans spectrum. I won't betray some just to uplift others, I got Loyal Bitch Disease like that. No one's journey is exactly the same, no one's experience with gender is exactly the same, and I think we should probably stop trying to police what members of our own community do to explore themselves and start trying to uplift those that need the help instead.

[lucidmagic]

I can not tell you how much I am rooting for Ioane and her gay babies. I bet her husband asks her how her day was and she just sighs and says the sapphics are being dumbasses again. Lmao get adopted flower butch

'LMAO get adopted flower butch' TOOK ME OUT I'M CACKLING

It goes something like this:

*Ioane comes home, husband immediately knowing she has some gossip.*

"What happened today?" He says, taking her coat off and kissing her cheek. He's double her size, broad shouldered and thick in the middle, then way he bends down is always so smooth and practiced. He should not be as graceful as he should be doing so, but somehow he manages.

Ioane huffs, but returns the cheek kiss. Even after all these years, those little moments always make her sore joints seem painless even for just a moment. "[Reader] gave the Lady a compliment and I think her Lady nearly passed out on the spot. I'm pretty sure I heard a sob escape from under her veil."

Ioane's husband hums, low and deep in his chest. "Are they still dancing around each other?"

"Pathetically, so."

His chuckle is guttural. "You sound almost angry."

"Well," the wife sighs, kicking off her shoes and leads the way to the couch. He walks dutifully behind her. Immediately, when she sits, his hands go to her feet and bring them up to his knees. Again well practiced. She hisses as one of his meaty knuckles press into her heel. "I'd at least want to be invited to the wedding before I'm rotting in the ground-- but it seems they are insistent on sending my invitation through a Ouija board."

"I'm sure they'll get around to it eventually." Again his knuckles press and that releases a sigh from the wife.

"Donna made some pastries for [Reader] and I think [Reader] shed a tear and looked at them like they were diamonds-- useless-- both of them. I'm half tempted to drag them both into a room and bar the door until they either talk or happily tussle-- whichever comes first."

Her husband only hums-- or more like growls. His voice is that low. "Do you remember our first days?"

"You giving me the best cuts despite me not asking for them? Or the way you stared at me like a lost puppy through the shop window as I passed by to head to the castle?"

"Or you leaving little sandwiches for my lunch break and you nearly going red when I complimented your dress one day?"

Ioane glares. "Shush, now. I only went pink."

"Of course you did, dear."

"At least I asked you out before we were both our age now. At this rate, they'll be celebrating their 100th birthday before they confess."

"They're oblivious."

"They're useless."

"They're scared."

"Oh they'll be scared alright . . . once I lock the door and throw away the key. Not opening it until they either fight or--"

He bellowed out a laugh, one that trembles the walls. "Let them take their time, Ne. Didn't you say you threatened the poor gardener before?"

Ioane snorts. "That was months ago-- and it wasn't even my best threat."

He huffs and leans over to place a kiss on her head. "Come on, you can complain about them over a bowl of stew. . ."

She grumbles, but obliges. Stew always did make the Lady's and the gardener's flailing feelings seem pointless. Then again . . . if she was to lock those two in a room she's certain her husband's dinner would taste extra rich--

"Stop."

"What? I didn't say anything!"

"Don't need to. You're thinking is loud enough. Leave the two young women alone. They'll figure things out."

"Yeah, in about ten years."

He only laughs. Ioane's grumbling always amused him, especially concerning Lady Beneviento and her old best friend.

(He just hopes he doesn't actually have to listen to his wife's half-baked plans for another ten years. . . .)

[docholligay]

Doc, have you heard about Titanique? I'd love your thoughts, if you have any.

Holy shit, I am so excited about this, I am so upset that I don't live in NYC because I would go see this in a Hot Heartbeat.

How can you not want this:

I love Titanic, as WE ALL KNOW, but also: Me and my wife LOVE Celine Dion. So much so that for our anniversary one year we nearly went to Las Vegas to go see her, and unfortunately, it just didn't work out and god knows if we'll ever get the chance again. She is our diva of choice.

I HATE Jukebox musicals, but I tell you what I have never wanted anything so bad as I want a jukebox musical of Celine Dion. The idea of making a Celine Dion jukebox musical that is ALSO Titanic? Exceptional. Exquisite. Iconic.

This is my favorite of the videos, because I love this song and also because it's so obvious that this musical comes from a deep love of Titanic and Celine Dion. It's always so obvious to me when someone is making fun of something out of out a place of deep affection AND mockery, not actual dislike.

This really leans into the camp of both Titanic and Celine Dion. When I talk about camp, I'm talking about the way of consuming culture in a hyperexaggerated, ostentatious, theatrical mode of performance. I take the Isherwood stance that camp is not simply a 'gay' thing, though very much embraced, especially in later years when being Disaffected and Cool reigned, by the gay community, but that arts like opera and ballet are often camp, which Isherwood calls 'high camp' which I have some issue with but generally we're on the same page ANYWAY Titanic is tropey camp goodness, and while Celine Dion isn't Cher I feel like I could make a very good argument about her belonging to camp.

Back to gays loving camp though: I know SO. MANY. LESBIANS. who love Titanic. It's a butch-femme fucking love story, is what it is.

So anyway this leans into the ridiculous star-crossed insanity of Titanic, and the over-the-top performance of Celine Dion, and I am so angry I cannot go see this because I ABSOLUTELY would.