#this is an awkward position to be in with our family dynamics

[isfjmel-phleg]

😶

[doggirlnarcolepsy]

.

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

Made it to chapter 16 today which means Feyre and I have both had our first impressions of Rhysand's Inner Circle and ohhhhhhh boy

Its hard to pinpoint why exactly, but theres something so discomforting about watching them interact. I think the main thing is that for all their "casual-ness", theres still clearly a rigid hierarchy between them and they all seem to 'know their place' so to speak, its not at all like Lucien and Tamlin's relationship in the first book which genuinely felt like a friendship that was unburdened by their status or positions. Like, theres this one moment where Mor and Amren are like kinda bickering with each other i guess, and Feyre remarks that Mor is probably super powerful if she dares talk back against Amren (in an incredibly minor matter Im pretty sure but I already forgor ngl) and because this is the book where Feyre's perspective starts being Objectively Correct all the time, I guess that's true, I guess the only reason someone would dare voice their opinion on something to this friend group is if they were physically more powerful because otherwise you just level a fucking mountain during an argument

Anyway, Im gonna switch topics for a short moment but I promise this diversion is relavant to the point above. So, sometimes when I go into the anti-tags on here looking for criticisms or complaints of the books, I instead find anti-ship posts that are mainly just about trash-talking some ship, mostly ones relating to that whole Elucien/Elriel/Gwynriel shipwar, which I already have thoughts on but I'll save those for later. In any case, one day I stumbled upon this pretty long anti-elriel post about how the gifts Elain gives Azriel on winter solstice arent actually cute and it describes how she gave him like, herbs that help with headaches "because his friends are always giving him headaches" apparently. And then that post went on a whole rant about how insensitive that was of her and that she doesnt actually understand Azriel's dynamic with his close friends, but honestly, judging from this chapter Elain was absolutely spot on

And I usually wouldn't say this because yknow, its only one chapter and we're probably gonna get the nuances of their relationship later, but this is a book written by Sarah J Maas, her characters and their relationships are rarely particularly deep and, more importantly, her writing is incredibly unsubtle. If Azriel was in any way fond of his friends shenaningans I wouldve noticed it, because Feyre wouldve noticed it like 15 times during that whole dinner. But she didnt.

Its especially bad for Cassian and Azriel because it feels like Cassian thinks they have this great rapport but Azriel just genuinely kinda dislikes him. Not to mention that whole fucking mess with Azriel and Mor and Cassian and Mor having sex so she wouldnt get married off or whatever, good god how is every conversation between them not insanely awkward

Even beyond that, idk man, theyre all just so insufferable. I dont understand how Amren, ancient eldritch being trapped in a fae body that she is, can stand to be around them, I wouldve left them 5 centuries ago if I was her. I guess the explanation is that she finds the government position interesting but its like, youre SECOND to the most boring and annoying man on the planet only kinda ruling over a court that you dont even actually care about from everything Ive heard. Again, if I was in Amren's position I would not be hanging out in an APARTMENT in a boring ass city at the behest of a quartett of stupid bozos, I wouldve weaseled my way into being the personal advisor of Beron or some shit so I could watch the Vanserra Family Drama unfold live

There was one good thing about this discomforting dinner though, and that was how inexplicably gay Cassian was for Rhysand. He was really out there, looking at him with such love, calling him pretty twice in like two minutes being all "I knew I wanted a piece of him the moment I first saw him, the high lord's pretty son" like okay. I know what you are

[inchidentally]

this is so stupid and overthought and pointless but lol it's me sooooo

like I literally got into f1blr through videos of Lando following Carlos and Daniel around and finding them absolutely hilarious and just being their personal squealing little chew toy/satellite. so believe me I LOVE that. and god knows I've written enough about how Lando needed/sometimes still needs to hide behind these big bold alpha personalities.

but I think the ??? that transpired for some of us over the gradual blossoming of Lando's dynamic with Oscar had a lot to do with how much Lando opened up in front of our eyes bc of his new position w Oscar and how that developed. he literally said how much it felt weird for him to imagine himself in the older/more experienced position and you can see in the super early content how much Lando couldn't get a read on Oscar bc there wasn't the usual bromance stuff he's so used to. but Oscar also was so mature and calm that he didn't need Lando to do for him what Carlos and Daniel were for him.

and it seems so stupid but it's almost like Oscar hitting that growth spurt and his voice getting a little deeper sort of clicked things into place for Lando?? bc Oscar had been living alone and cooking for himself and in a serious relationship for years and he didn't need anyone to raise him or protect him like Lando needed as a rookie. and he had lived away from his family or a support system from around 14/15 so he was fully used to finding his way around and navigating new places largely alone.

but him getting taller and broader suddenly fit with his personality so much better. he didn't have his cherub Prema face clashing with how cool and confident he was anymore.

and obv Oscar has always said how much he learned just from observing Lando as one of the fastest guys on the grid, but also Lando has emphasized how much he has learned from Oscar about mentality and staying true to yourself. so again there wasn't any need for Lando to try and be big brother/mother hen.

but!! you know what Lando got to teach Oscar? and what Oscar had trained for years to be the most apt pupil about?

Lando!

bc we never really got to 'learn' Lando as a person before now unless it was on his streams, his content with Max F or his own social media content. his friendships with the other F1 guys are all a variation of bromance since they all love him - but all of them are based on Lando being the introvert among extroverts and bonding over shared activities and interests. not a lot of Lando personality stuff gets revealed around those guys bc he's Just Baby.

but w Oscar Lando came to realize he could roll whatever Mood he was in at him and Oscar would smile and laugh or make feeble resistance and give in anyway - and Oscar took all of it in. he literally already had a fairly encyclopedic Lando knowledge as we well know now but he just ?? never got bored of watching and learning Lando! whether it's Lando's music blaring through the shared wall or Lando not being able to open things or pronounce words or Lando specifically not liking something or not wanting to do something or Lando wanting Oscar to give a different answer or wanting Oscar to agree with him instead - Oscar smiles and patiently files it away.

which is exactly what Max does with Lando. at some point he clearly realized that the best way to get Lando to open up and trust - not unlike an outdoor cat - was to be part anthologist and part nature documentary narrator. Lando only opens up when he knows he has the space to. he gets so genuinely upset at how often the media or fans won't follow his original meaning or look past awkward wording or misuse his original tone. it's why he said he often loves being around people who will lead the conversation and not put pressure on him to talk.

bc for example, Carlos was only joking when he said that Lando needs to mature or how he'd "scold" Lando for being too silly and not paying attention, but to some people it's used as confirmation that Lando's immature. Daniel loved when he'd get Lando to laugh so hard that Lando couldn't do his to-camera work or require millions of takes, but to some people it's seen as Lando not taking anything seriously. it's so easy to take someone as vulnerable and unedited as Lando and slice out one video or one moment and create a false narrative around him. you can see the times when Lando has slunk away from social media and gone a bit mum or dull in his media work when that happens.

but Max and Oscar are there to act as interpreters for the audience at home! Lando drops off to sleep during a Quadrant shoot? Max explains that this is standard procedure wherever he is. Lando is far too hyper for a challenge and won't let Oscar breathe without giving him a hard time? Oscar laughs and gently ribs him back to let people know that it's all in good fun and Lando isn't actually on a tear. Lando winds Max up mercilessly or accidentally reveals that Max has a gf? Max makes sure everyone knows he's joking when he gets "mad" and later on says how much Lando looks out for him. Lando won't let Oscar make his own choices in a silly F1 quiz? Oscar feigns being hard done by but he also says how good Lando's answers are. they do this all the time with him and we see Lando more vocal and more loudly himself with them bc they translate what he can't.

it clearly isn't easy being someone bursting with about fifty different personality traits at once and just as many passionate interests all vying with dyslexia and hyperactivity mixed with introversion and sometimes crippling shyness. it's very easy to love that person - which is why the entire grid does - but it's not easy to understand them or what they need in any given moment.

so I feel like that's what we've gotten out of the Lando/Oscar dynamic that we haven't seen before with Carlos or Daniel. Oscar isn't ever going to be a big personality and he's self-described as "low frequency" - he won't be winding Lando up for fun or bringing energy that makes Lando bounce off the walls. he's also found Lando fascinating almost from his first year moving to the UK. so as fans we love seeing Lando get to have a teammate who loves the business of observing Lando - but we also love getting to see so much more of Lando as a result if that makes sense??

[sadeyedlady-writes]

Welcome,

This is my pinned post.

(Last updated 29th March, 2024.)

I pretty much never shut up about Les Misérables or Dostoevsky novels, and I can talk for quite a long time about Phantom of the Opera as well. I will try to tag things consistently, so if you don’t like one of my interests you can and should block that tag!

First thing to know is that I very much welcome any and everyone to come talk to me about the books I'm insane about. Anon is on, DMs are open, I don't know how social interactions are supposed to go so there's no awkwardness here. Just come scream at me about characters or themes or whatever you want. There's no need to stand on ceremony. Also, I don't check my dash super regularly, so if you want me to see a post, please tag me in it or dm it to me! I won't think it's weird, in fact I'll be delighted, I promise!

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I post fics on ao3 as sad_eyed_lady.

Here's the current list of fandoms I've written for, but for the most current list just go to ao3 itself:

The Idiot - Fyodor Dostoyevsky (7) Les Misérables - Victor Hugo (5) Le Fantôme de l'Opéra | Phantom of the Opera & Related Fandoms (4) Brat'ya Karamazovy | Brothers Karamazov - Fyodor Dostoyevsky (3) Prestuplenie i nakazanie | Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky (1)

I very much welcome comments, or if you're shy to comment publicly you're more than welcome to message me here; a few people have done that and it's made my entire life. Almost the entire purpose of fanfic for me is the sharing and community of it all.

I am not much of an artist, but occasionally I attempt to do an art when the fannish fervour strikes me. Appropriately enough, these attempts can be found under the tag #my attempts to do an art.

And finally, since tumblr's search function has become so abysmal that I can no longer find my own meticulously-tagged posts, I'm going to try to catalogue some of my messy analyses so that I can find them again. This will be an on-going wrangling effort on my part.

Dostoevsky, Fyodor, The Brothers Karamazov

Musings on class/position in society as relates to the interaction between Katerina Ivanvona and Grushenka in 1.3.10, and how this lens might shift our view.

Grushenka and active love

Healing the rift in The Brothers Karamazov and Crime and Punishment

Dostoevsky, Fyodor, Crime and Punishment

Some half-formed thoughts regarding parallels between Raskolnikov and Marius Pontmercy and why I'm so much harder on Marius despite, you know, the axe murders.

It was Sonya's window, maybe?

Why 2002 BBC C&P was wrong especially in the way they handled Lizaveta's murder

On Avdotya Romanovna shooting but not killing

Healing the rift in The Brothers Karamazov and Crime and Punishment

Dostoevsky, Fyodor, The Idiot

On Nastasya Filippovna engineering her role as the doomed victim in a gothic narrative

Nastasya giving Rogozhin the details of the murder

Rogozhin wasn't an unstoppable killer who would have killed her no matter what

Comparing and Contrasting Semyon Parfyonovich (Rogozhin's father) and Totsky

On Myshkin imitating Christ

Rogozhin's childhood

Ramblings on Rogozhin's brother, Semyon Semyonovich

Cycles in the Rogozhin family

Hugo, Victor, Les Misérables

Subcategory: Éponine Realities of the class dynamics between Marius and Éponine in the Brick as opposed to the musical Not an edgy girl who wants to be edgy Not a morally grey character Future trajectory/P-M involvement

Some half-formed thoughts regarding parallels between Raskolnikov and Marius Pontmercy and why I'm so much harder on Marius despite, you know, the axe murders.

A Thénardier turning the tables on Marius's dream

Misc Posts

Master list of all of my The Idiot fics in order

[weepingfromacedartree]

Ten Milestones: Dinner with the Future In-Laws

Hi friends!

Chapter 11 is live! Warning: it is extremely awkward.

CW: toxic family dynamics // alcohol

Dinner with the Future In-Laws

Colin opens his mouth, presumably to read “Number Eight” aloud. But just when Penelope expects those words to leave his lips, he frowns.

“What is it?” she can’t help but ask. 

“Nothing, just —” 

Though she can’t see his screen from her current position, he appears to be scrolling up and down, re-reading the article’s text a few times. He frowns again. 

“I’m only now realising that it’s a rather interesting choice of words to say that each one of these milestones should be ‘celebrated.’”

Anxiety hits Penelope swiftly as she thinks over his words. It’s coupled by confusion when she mentally goes through all of the milestones they’ve already crossed off. 

“Grief” was one of those milestones. What could possibly be less celebratory than that?

“What is it?” she can’t help but ask.

“Number Eight: Dinner with the Future In-Laws. Whether you like it or not, marrying the person you love also means marrying into their family. Before you two can start a life together (or host a drama-free wedding ceremony), you must first ensure that your respective families can get along. If you can survive a meal with all future in-laws present, you will be one step closer to starting that life together.” 

“Oh.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------

One Year Earlier: April 7th, 2022

Relationship Status: Best Friends

꙳

Hors D’oeuvres

This was Colin’s idea, Penelope reminds herself for the twentieth time tonight. (Tonight began twenty minutes ago.) She’ll remind herself of this fact at least a hundred times tonight, because it’s a comfort to know that this hell was not of her own making. It might be her birthday, but this was his idea. 

The idea formed about a month ago, shortly after Colin returned home from a brief trip to Amsterdam. He, Penelope, and Eloise had met at a pub to discuss, among other things, plans for her upcoming twenty-seventh birthday. She suggested karaoke, which they all agreed to (despite Eloise’s “fundamental” objections to such an activity). The problem — Colin’s bad idea — only formed after Penelope mentioned her plans for the night before her birthday (i.e. tonight).

Tonight was supposed to be a family dinner. The Featherington family, specifically. It was only supposed to be her, her mum, her sisters and their respective spouses. She had mentioned it in passing without thinking any better of it… 

She certainly didn’t think Colin would worm his way into those plans. 

Penelope realised her mistake approximately two seconds after the words left her lips, when she looked from Eloise to Colin and noted a familiar expression rising on his face. She noted his clenching jaw and his furrowing brow. She noted the way his gaze simultaneously focused on her and on something far away — something that didn’t exist in that room with them. 

It was the expression Colin sometimes gets when Penelope mentions her mother in his presence. She has seen it on his face countless times over the last twenty-seven years, and it has only become more frequent with time. 

He didn’t voice his idea aloud on that night in early March — but still, she saw it in his face. Her suspicions were confirmed the very next morning, when Portia called to tell her that she “just so happened” to bump into Colin on Grosvenor Street and that the chance encounter gave her “the best idea.”

Tonight, Portia may think that this hell was of her own making. But no. Penelope knows the truth. 

This was Colin’s — 

“I wish we were at karaoke tonight,” Eloise mutters sorely. Her words are delivered to her drink more than they are to her best friend’s ears. 

Shaking her head slightly, Penelope takes stock of the room around her. 

They're in the drawing room of her childhood home, which is just as green and dusty as it was when she was a literal child. There are ten people in attendance tonight: Penelope, Portia, Prudence, Harry, Violet, Kate, Anthony, Hyacinth, Eloise, and Colin. This event was meant to be a family dinner, and the Bridgertons are currently outnumbering the Featheringtons. 

Turning her attention back to her best friend…

“I thought you hated karaoke. I thought you called it ‘dumb’ and a ‘voluntary act of public humiliation.’”

“It is. But this,” she hisses, her voice barely a whisper, “is an act of voluntary torture. If I have one too many glasses of wine, I’m going to get into a fist fight with your mother. Which —”

“El!”

“— would be fine if my own mother were not here to witness the indiscretion.”

Suffice to say, Eloise shares a similar disdain for Portia Featherington to her brother. Hers began at age six, when Portia’s face went red after witnessing she and Penelope tracking mud into the house from the back garden. 

“Perhaps you should lay off the wine then,” Penelope suggests, forcing her voice to sound much lighter than it wants to be right now. 

“How else am I supposed to make it through the night?” Eloise counters, clearly trying very hard to keep her words at a whisper. 

Penelope can only shrug in response. She doesn’t know how to answer that question for herself, let alone Eloise. 

This was Colin’s idea.

Taking a sip of her own drink, Penelope spares another glance around the room. Violet and Portia are on the settee in the corner of the room. They’re too far off to hear, but judging from the look on Violet’s face (pleasant but disbelieving), she can’t imagine she’s missing much from that particular conversation. 

Anthony, Kate, and Hyacinth are having their own conversation by the fireplace. Well, Hyacinth and Kate are having one. It doesn’t look like the youngest Bridgerton is letting her brother get a single word in. 

Prudence and Harry are technically not in the room, but are (unfortunately) within earshot of where Penelope stands by the door. When they aren’t audibly making out behind the bust of great-great-great-grandfather Featherington, they’re planning their escape from tonight’s festivities. 

Colin is by himself in the centre of the room, chewing on a seemingly endless stream of prawn cocktails from the hors d’oeuvres table. After swallowing yet another, his head turns and he meets Penelope’s gaze. 

This was your idea. 

He shoots her a tight-lipped smile from across the room. 

This was your idea.

She tries to return the gesture, but her lips aren’t quite listening to her brain at present. 

This was your fault. 

Colin moves his body like he’s about to walk over, but before he can take a single step, a new person enters the room — the private chef that Portia hired for tonight (a decision made after the Bridgertons were invited, of course). She informs them all that supper is ready to be served. 

꙳ ꙳ ꙳

Main Course

Colin closed the distance between himself and Penelope about halfway en route from the drawing room to the dining room. The two of them are the last to enter and, by default, are the last two to pick their seats. Thankfully, the remaining seats are situated next to each other. Less thankfully, one seat is situated directly next to Portia’s, who currently sits at the head of the table. 

Penelope’s first step into the room is pointed in the same direction as that seat. But Colin has longer legs than she; he steals it before she can sit down. 

“Are you okay?” she mouths upon sitting down in her own chair. Her brows are furrowed in a way that tells him she was questioning his sanity more than she was his well-being.

“Of course,” he mouths back. He then throws her a smile, suspecting that his silent words won’t be enough to convince her. The latter must do it; with a nod, she turns to her right to say something to someone else. 

As the chef moves around the table and presents each guest with their dish, Colin takes note of the seating arrangements. 

Eloise is sitting on the other side of Penelope. Hyacinth is beside her. Violet is between her and Kate, sitting at the other head of the table, opposite Portia. Anthony is beside Kate. Harry is beside him. Prudence is between her new husband and —

“Oh, this is exquisite,” Portia gushes after the final plate is placed. “Anne, you have truly outdone yourself tonight.” As others sing their praises and the chef nods in thanks, Colin looks down to the food before him. It does look rather nice. 

It’s beef wellington — a blood red piece of meat, encapsulated by a flaky crust with an intricate braided design on top. From the looks of it, Eloise is eating some dirt brown, plant-based version of the dish. This makes sense, seeing as his sister is a vegetarian. What makes less sense is that Kate also appears to be eating the alternative meal; as far as Colin is aware, his sister-in-law is not a vegetarian. 

She isn’t drinking wine either. 

Literally shaking away those thoughts before they can distract him too much, Colin settles his eyes on the plate next to his. Penelope appears to be playing with her food more than eating it. She’s currently prodding at a carrot on the edge of the plate.

“Why isn’t Philipa here?” Hyacinth asks bluntly from the other end of the table. Though he had surely just been lost in his own head, Colin assumes the question had been unprompted.

“Hyacinth.” Violet’s voice falters somewhere between a laugh and a scolding. “Don’t be ru—”

“Oh, it’s quite alright,” Portia cuts in. “Unfortunately, she had to stay home in Kent. She’s in bed with a crippling case of morning sickness.”

“I thought that only happened in the morning.” 

“Hy—”

“Oh, you’d be surprised,” Kate offers, scooping a carrot into her mouth. When several sets of curious eyes suddenly land on her, she simply smiles. “That’s what Daphne tells me, at least.” 

After throwing his wife a brief but undeniable glare, Anthony clears his throat. 

“Well, that’s too bad for Philipa — missing not only this lovely meal, but the chance to celebrate her sister’s birthday.” 

A few others around the table smile and wish Penelope a happy birthday. When Colin flicks her eyes over, he finds that her cheeks are already burning a light shade of pink. After thanking the group, she turns her attention back to that carrot on the perimeter of her plate. After drowning it in a pool of gravy, she finally plops it into her mouth. It isn’t until she finishes chewing that he realises he has yet to actually touch his own food. 

(A first, for Colin Bridgerton.)

After taking a few bites, he comments on how delicious the tenderloin is. His words weren’t delivered to anyone in particular. The only reason he said them was because he realised that, like eating, he had failed to say a single word aloud since sitting down at this well adorned table. 

After several very long seconds of palpable silence, Portia is the next to speak up. Her voice is sticky with enthusiasm — a sound that immediately grates on Colin’s nerves.

“Oh — Violet! I meant to congratulate you on Benedict’s engagement.” 

“Why, thank you, Portia!” His mother’s face is now lit by a smile. A genuine one. “We are all so happy for the two of them. And honestly,” she chuckles, “before he met Sophie, I feared Benedict might never settle down.”

“Ugh, mum —” Eloise starts, but her words are drowned out by Portia’s. 

“Well, I can certainly relate to that feeling.” 

Portia briefly stops talking to chuckle, like there is something very funny brewing on her lips. The sound turns the skin on Colin’s forearm into goose flesh; he doesn’t know what’s coming next, but he doesn’t like it. 

“I should count my lucky stars that I was able to be in attendance for Philipa’s wedding. Between Prudence’s unexpected elopement and Penelope’s demanding career, I fear I won’t get another chance to watch one of my daughters walk down the aisle.” 

In the back of Colin’s mind, he hears Eloise scoff very loudly. In the forefront, he’s fucking screaming. But before he can translate that noise into something appropriate for the dinner table (i.e. something other than “fuck off” or “fuck you” or “not if I can fucking help it”), his mother speaks up again. She sounds notably less enthusiastic than she had just a moment ago. Her smile sticks, but it looks put on. 

“Well, I can attest from personal experience that worrying about such matters is typically more trouble than it’s worth. And fruitless, in hindsight. Just look at Kate and Anthony.” Her eyes point briefly to the couple on her left. “They both have incredibly demanding careers, but they always make time for one another.” 

Colin prays to god that that will be the end of this discussion. It’s not, of course. 

“I suppose that’s the key, isn’t it?” Portia muses, a confusing smile on her own lips. “Time. Ensuring that you’re using it for the things that matter most in life.” 

“Like one’s career?” Eloise offers flatly from down the table. 

“Well… Sure,” Portia concedes unconvincingly. “But also love. Family. Those things matter, too.” 

The absolute fucking nerve of this woman, Colin thinks while his lips remain stitched together. Saying so much in the wrong fucking direction. 

He isn’t sure if he’s ever hated Portia Featherington as much as he does in this very moment. He isn’t sure if he’s ever hated anyone as much as he does her right now. He doesn’t know what makes her think she has the right to speak on the importance of family, of all things. He’s questioning whether Portia knows her youngest daughter at all. He’s —

“You know,” Anthony says, catapulting Colin’s attention back into reality. “My little brother over there is the same exact way.”

What the fuck?

“Obviously, I’m no stranger to over-prioritising my career, but Colin really is the champion, in that regard. I mean, we barely saw him for five consecutive years due to his profession. And running from country to country during that time certainly didn’t give him much of an opportunity to maintain a romantic relationship.”

What the fuck?!

“But now —” 

Anthony cuts himself off with a chuckle. The sound is almost enough to make Colin jump across the table and strangle his brother. Almost. 

“Well, now I don’t know what his excuse is. But nevertheless, he hasn’t had a serious girlfriend since uni. And that was —” 

For the first time since speaking up, Anthony finds the balls to actually meet Colin’s eye. The bastard smirks. 

“What? Ten years ago?” 

Eight years. Dickhead.

Instead of actually answering Anthony’s question, Colin turns to Kate (the sensible one in their marriage). He expects her to reprimand her husband for acting like such an arse in a public setting. At the very least, he expects her to look annoyed with said arsehole husband. But no. If anything, it looks like she’s desperately trying not to laugh.

What the fuck is going on?

Colin opens his mouth, but before he can formulate a single word, Penelope speaks up. 

“Well, I can’t speak for Colin, but I do date. Just for the record.” 

She seems to look at everyone except Colin when she says this. Which is probably for the best. It’s probably for the best that she can’t see the way his eyes light up with jealousy at her words. 

There are a variety of other reactions to Penelope’s words from those that sit around them. From Portia, a look of skepticism. From Violet, a silent apology for having inadvertently introduced this topic. From Eloise, a look of shared bewilderment that it had been brought up at all. 

The most unexpected response comes from Harry Dankworth, of all people. 

“Of course Penelope dates! We dated a few weeks ago!” 

That earns a unanimous response from nearly every Bridgerton at the table. Most of the shock is delivered silently, but Hyacinth cannot help but release a “What the fuck?” beneath her breath. 

When Colin’s eyes flick to Penelope, he finds that she’s staring straight ahead at her current brother-in-law/recent ex-boyfriend, Harry. She looks about ready to murder him.

Clearly unphased by the sudden shift in mood or the woman turning into a tomato right in front of him, Harry answers Hyacinth’s question while chewing on what appears to be a rather tough cut of meat. 

“It’s a funny story, actually. We met on New Year’s. Went out a few times after that. I thought it was going pretty well, but we were in the middle of dinner and she turned to me and said, ‘I think you would really like my sister.’ Not exactly what you’d expect from a girl on the third date, if you know what I’m saying…”

Colin knows what he’s saying, and he suddenly shares Penelope’s visible desire to murder the bloke across the table. 

“But she was right!” Harry briefly stops telling his tale to lean over and kiss his newlywed wife on the cheek. Prudence could not look any happier, listening to the re-telling of the most fucked up meet-cute Colin has ever heard. “Six weeks with Pru and I knew we were meant to be.”

“I know some people,” Prudence’s eyes shoot pointedly at her mother, “were disappointed by our decision to run off and make things official as quickly as possible… But it just felt right. Especially since we married in my ancestors’ homeland.” 

Audibly confused, Penelope clears her throat and says, “Prudence, you eloped in Scotland.”

Her sister nods. 

“I’m well aware, Penelope.” She snickers. “I was there, after all.” 

Colin turns his head again and watches as Penelope’s brows furrow deeper. He can practically see the wheels turning in her head, deciding whether or not to inform her sister that their family hails from Ireland. A country that is decidedly not Scotland. 

In the end, she holds her tongue, and Prudence resumes sharing the questionably factual details of her and Harry’s elopement. 

“Well,” says Violet, voice willfully pleasant. “I think that all sounds very romantic. When some people fall in love, it’s just too obvious not to act.”

“Quite romantic,” Kate agrees. 

“That’s one word for it,” Portia mutters into her wineglass.

An extremely brief moment of silence passes before Eloise huffs and releases the words that have clearly been stuck in her throat the past few minutes. 

“Just for the record, no one has to date or marry anyone. Certainly not a woman with as much wit and potential as Penelope. And certainly not Colin — there are enough Bridgertons in the world as it is!”

“Elo—”

“Sorry, mum.” 

“How’s university, Hyacinth?” Penelope promptly asks. Colin turns his head again, wishing to give her a silent “thank you” for altering the course of this blasted conversation so directly. But yet again, she isn’t quite looking at him. 

“Oh, absolutely brilliant! I just got cast as Viola in the summer production of Twelfth Night.”

“That’s amazing!” Penelope exclaims, a genuine smile on her face. “Congratulations.” 

“Thank you! Rehearsals begin next week and I’m buzzing to get started. They brought actual live lobsters on stage last year for The Little Mermaid and I’m trying to convince our director to incorporate goats into our story. I…”

Hyacinth rambles on for another minute or two before Anthony interrupts.

“Perhaps you could save some of the story for the stage, Hyacinth.”

From the other end of the table, Hyacinth sticks her tongue out at Anthony. From right beside Colin, Portia takes another long sip of wine before speaking. 

“If you don’t mind me asking, Anthony, how did you and Kate meet? I don’t believe I’ve ever heard the story.” 

Colin looks to his older brother. Anthony is sharing a look with his wife, both faces adorned with shy smiles. 

“Kate and I actually met about a decade before we married. We were both studying at Oxford Law. We were both bright, ambitious, bloody competitive students who wanted the top spot of our class. We met the first week of law school and —” 

Anthony cuts himself off to steal another look at Kate. They both laugh giddily.

“We loathed each other,” he goes on to explain. “From the moment we met to the morning of our graduation. We were so obsessed with each other during that time — constantly bickering and trying to one up each other in our courses. Which, in hindsight, was really the first sign that our feelings for each other were not wholly antagonistic from the start, but…”

When his voice trails off, a hint of a smile creeps up Anthony’s lips. He spares one quick glance at his wife again before continuing. 

“We didn’t even speak at our graduation. We just went on our separate paths, each hoping to never see the other’s face again. We didn’t see each other for five years. Then she won a case against me, and I never wanted her to be gone from my life again.”

When Anthony takes a short pause, his eyes settle on someone other than his wife for the first time in what feels like hours. 

They settle on Colin. 

“It’s funny what a bit of time apart can do to two people. When Kate and I were thrown into each other’s lives again, it just seemed so bloody obvious. That we had always been kidding ourselves. That the ‘loathing’ was just a distraction from how we really felt. I can’t help but wonder how different our lives would be now, if we hadn’t spent so many years running from the truth.” 

Anthony’s eyes are still on Colin. Colin doesn’t like it. The weight of his brother’s gaze has never felt so heavy. 

“Well, that’s a lovely sto—” Portia starts, but her words are interrupted by Prudence. 

“It really took you two ten years to get married?” 

Though visibly confused by the question, Kate nods. 

“Wow. It only took me and Harry six weeks.”

“Yes, Prudence.” Portia sighs. “We are all well aware.”

After that, the table breaks out into mini conversations. Violet asks Penelope about the story she’s working on. Anthony and Harry discuss real estate. Portia and Prudence discuss fashion. Hyacinth inquires on Kate’s morning sickness comment from earlier with minimal success. Colin remains quiet through most of it, listening to Penelope gush over her latest column while chewing the last few specs of food from his plate. 

When she finishes her story, Colin is suddenly struck by the fact that, despite sitting just a few inches to her right throughout this meal, he hasn’t spoken a single actual word to Penelope during that time. Before yet another one of his family members can steal her attention, Colin leans to his left and gently places his hand beneath her elbow. The connection is out of view from anyone else at the table. 

Her eyes land on his in an instant.

“You wanna bail?” he whispers, only half joking. “We could go back to my flat and watch When Harry Met Sally.”

Penelope’s mouth twists together in that way that it always does when desperately attempting to hold in a laugh. After a moment, it straightens out. 

“Again? What is it with you and that movie?” 

Colin shrugs in response. Then he laughs, not even making an attempt to hold it in.

“I think it would be in poor taste to leave my own birthday dinner early,” Penelope tells him, her voice too soft for anyone else at the table to hear. “But I do appreciate the offer.”

Noticing that her hand has moved below the table in the last minute or so, Colin grabs blindly for Penelope’s palm. After accidentally brushing against her knee, he finds it. He squeezes it once. 

“If you change your mind, just give me the signal and we’ll get the fuck out of here.”

Penelope nods, her lips twisting together again. A noticeable blush creeps up her cheeks. When she turns her head to the side to respond to something Eloise is whining about, her hand remains cradled in Colin’s. It remains there for the rest of the course.

꙳ ꙳ ꙳

Palate Cleanser

The group retires to the drawing room to kill time between courses. Almost immediately, two groups emerge. 

On one side of the room, near the fireplace, Colin stands in a circle with Kate, Anthony, Hyacinth, and Penelope. They’re discussing… something. Maybe real estate. Maybe football. It’s hard for Colin to keep up while only half-listening to the conversation. Half of his attention is on the other side of the room.

On the couch by the window, Portia, Violet, and Eloise are discussing… something. Colin cannot make out the details from this far away, but judging from the look on his sister’s face, it can’t be good. (And judging from the way their mother’s arm is looped through Eloise’s, it can’t be one his sister is willingly participating in.)

After a few more moments watching Eloise squirm, Colin considers leaving his spot between Anthony and Penelope to rescue her. But before he can even decide, Eloise wiggles her way out of Violet’s hold and walks over to the table of leftover hors d'oeuvres. It isn’t until he spots Eloise throw a prawn into her mouth that Colin ultimately abandons the safety of his current spot. 

“Why are you eating those?” he asks, pointing to the prawn currently placed between Eloise’s index and thumb. 

“You’re one to talk,” she grumbles, mouth still full from her first two prawns. 

“No. I just — Aren’t you a vegetarian?” 

Eloise’s mouth stills. She gulps, eyes wide and not quite meeting Colin’s. 

“I’m a pescatarian.”

“Yeah? Since when?” 

“Since we ran out of vegetarian options 30 seconds ago.”

“El! You —”

“I’m uncomfortable!” she hisses. After turning her head from side to side to confirm that no one else is listening, she leans in close and whispers, “Portia Featherington is the devil!”

“That’s…” His voice trails off, searching his mind for the right words. 

An apt comparison. 

“A bit over-dramatic.” 

Eyes wide and angry and very much pointed at him, Eloise lets out an exasperated huff of air.

“Colin —”

Quickly, he glances around to see if anyone else is paying attention to their conversation. Penelope seems to be keeping one eye fixed on them, but no one else is. 

“I don’t disagree,” he cuts in, his voice but a whisper. He then pulls Eloise by the elbow into the hallway, out of view from everyone else. “But could you keep your loathing to yourself until the night is over? It —”

“Why should I?” 

A pang of hot red annoyance hits Colin in the chest; they had discussed this earlier today. 

“Why shouldn’t you cause a scene?” he shoots back. “For Penelope. The whole reason we’re here is to act as a buffer between —”

“Why should we have to be a buffer?” 

“Are you seriously asking —”

“Yes, Colin.” She steps even further down the hallway, presumably so she can raise her voice above a hiss. “I am serious. Everyone is so quick to correct Portia’s bullshit, but no one is willing to actually call her out on it. Don’t you see a problem in that?”

All at once, Colin is hit by something very, very cold. Chills creep up and down his skin as he realises just how true Eloise’s words are. He feels momentarily stuck in place, frozen by revelation. Eventually, though, his body returns to relative normalcy.

He isn’t sure exactly what he says to get Eloise to nod and begrudgingly abandon any plans to cause a scene. He’s too busy re-playing her words in his head to pay attention to those currently leaving his own lips. 

Everyone is so quick to correct Portia’s bullshit, but no one is willing to actually call her out on it.

When they walk back into the drawing room, Colin half expects the others to be staring at them in a mix of anger and sympathy after overhearing them in the hall. But no. By some grace of god, their conversation had gone unnoticed. 

The groups had shifted in Colin and Eloise’s absence. Now, Hyacinth and Violet are on the couch, while Kate, Anthony, Penelope, and Portia are all standing by the fireplace. Eloise walks towards one group, Colin, the other. 

Squeezing his way between Penelope and Kate, Colin inquires on the topic of conversation. 

“Your brother was just telling me about his and Kate’s plans to move to the country full time,” Portia says.

“Well, we haven’t decided on anything yet,” Kate clarifies. “I was just about to say that the commute is what’s holding me back. Anthony and I both work in the city. Our friends are here. So many of our family members are here. Even if we move out to the country, so much of our lives will be spent here in London.”

Though he and Kate are fairly close, Colin nearly jumps when he feels the unexpected weight of her arm around his shoulder. 

“Just think about how much traffic there is in London on a daily basis. We already spend so much of our lives lying in wait, killing time until the next thing happens. Do we — Anthony and I, I mean — really want to subject ourselves to even more time sitting doing nothing?”

Suddenly feeling quite lost, Colin looks to Anthony. He’s smirking.

“Couldn’t have said it better myself, love.” 

When he looks to Penelope, she appears just as perplexed. 

“Yes, well…” Portia sighs. “I never cared much for the country either,” 

With a nod, Portia steps away from the group. She’s followed by Anthony and Kate, leaving Colin and Penelope (relatively) alone. 

“So…” he says, after a few solitary seconds of silence. “Ready to take me up on that offer?” 

He expects her to smile or laugh or twist her lips together. But she doesn’t. Penelope’s face seems to freeze for a moment, looking up at him in quiet contemplation. 

“I…” she starts, sounding as though she has no idea where the rest of her sentence is headed. In the end, she doesn’t get the chance to finish it.

“Dessert is ready to be served in the dining room,” Chef Anne announces from the doorway. 

When Colin looks back to Penelope, her face is resolute. 

“Come on.” She brushes past him. “The final course awaits us.” 

꙳ ꙳ ꙳

Dessert

The seating arrangements do not change much from one course to the other. The only person who has moved their spot is Hyacinth, who is now sitting next to Anthony and across from Penelope. She’s sitting in the seat that —

“Where is your sister and her husband?” Colin asks, leaning close to Penelope as to avoid anyone else hearing his question. 

“Oh,” Penelope whispers, eyes darting between the seats they left behind. She chuckles softly. “Saved themselves, it seems.” 

Colin grumbles something in vague agreement, the realisation sitting heavily in his stomach. He then picks up his fork, using its tongs to stab the gelatinous surface of the dessert on his plate. The little yellow tart smells so distinctly of lemon and sugar that he limits the number of sugar cubes in his tea to only two. 

“Is there no birthday cake?” Hyacinth blurts out, poking at her own tart.

“No,” Portia answers, laughing lightly. “I’ve always found those to be a bit… cliche.” 

“Too cliche for a birthday?” Hyacinth asks, and Colin can’t help but laugh beneath his breath. 

“Hyacinth,” Violet cuts in, her voice clipped. “You’re so… inquisitive tonight, dear.” 

“Yes,” Anthony agrees, smirking. “As opposed to her usual quiet, well-behaved self.” 

Though Colin can’t see the act itself, the sudden pinched look on Anthony’s face tells him that their sister just stomped on his foot beneath the table. 

“Please give my compliments to the chef, Portia,” says Violet. “This tart is delicious.” 

Before that last word leaves her lips, though, Kate suddenly shoots up from her seat with an expression that screams anything but delicious.

“Please excuse me a moment,” she murmurs, words muffled by the hand covering her mouth. After she disappears into the hallway, all eyes turn towards Anthony, already standing to follow after his wife. 

“Apologies. Her stomach has — uh — been a bit… unruly lately.” 

After Anthony disappears into the hallway, Portia clears her throat. 

“When I was pregnant, I could never eat anything this sweet,” she says, raising her wineglass to her lips. “My stomach couldn’t handle it.” 

Baffled, Colin looks over to his own mother, who just so happens to have her eyes trained on the hallway. She looks as though she would very much like to disappear into its darkness, as well. 

“Yes, well…” She draws her words out long. “I suppose there are lots of reasons why sugar could upset one’s stomach.” 

“Lemon always gives me gas,” offers Eloise. 

“I thought citruses were supposed to have the opposite effect on one’s body,” Hyacinth counters quickly. 

“What can I say? I’m an enig—”

“Girls,” Violet cuts in, using that pleasant, clipped tone again. “I think that’s more than enough lemon discussion at the dining table.”

The room goes quiet after that. For a short while.

“You’ve been awfully quiet tonight, Colin,” says Portia. Which is true, but that fact doesn’t make her words any less annoying. “Is something on your mind?” 

Yes.

“No. I, uh —” 

He searches his mind for something to say that won’t get him kicked out of the Featherington home. (Possibly forever.)

“Sorry,” he says through a smile that stings his cheeks. “I apologise if I seem a bit off tonight. I got back from a trip just this morning; I’m still feeling a bit of jet lag.” 

His words are true, save for the “jet lag” part. From the next chair over, Penelope has to clap a hand over her mouth to prevent herself from laughing at the “jet lag” part. 

“No need to apologise. Where are you returning from?” 

“Bath.” 

“Oh.” Confusion presses into Portia’s brow, but she does not press the matter any further. “Do you have any other travels coming up?” 

For a moment, Colin can’t recall. He can’t remember when or where his next plane ticket is scheduled for. 

After a moment, the details come back to him. 

“New York. But I don’t leave until the first week of June.” 

“What was it that your brother was saying before? Something about you not travelling as often as you used to?”

“Oh, um… Yes. About two years ago, I switched from mostly writing and travelling to mostly editing and staying put. My trips have been sporadic ever since.” 

His mother says something about how nice it is to have him home more. Eloise makes a “joke” about how unfortunate it is. Portia inquires on the reason for this change, to which he can only give a noncommittal, vague answer. 

What Colin doesn’t say is that he came home because he wanted to focus his time on writing a book. That would mean admitting he has been firmly stuck in the middle of it for what feels like forever. That he has spent the majority of the last two years freelance editing real authors while his blog has been steadily losing steam. 

What Colin doesn’t say is that he came home because he was terrified that his family and friends would forget about him if he stayed away any longer. That he feared becoming a living ghost — one who wanders from continent to continent looking for a purpose that was left behind at home long ago. 

What Colin does not tell Portia is that he came home for her daughter. That he came home because he loves Penelope. That he came home because Penelope is his home. 

Colin can’t say any of that aloud, because doing so would mean admitting that he hasn’t said anything of the sort to Penelope over the last two years. It would mean admitting to holding his happiness hostage at the hands of his fear. That he fears they aren’t ready to move onto the next stage of their lives yet. 

(There are many other reasons Colin can’t say any of those things in the middle of a dinner party. That reason just happens to be the one that keeps him up most nights.)

Back in reality, Portia says something to swiftly bring Colin out of his own head. 

“Perhaps you and Penelope could have a discussion about the importance of prioritising one’s life over their career. I certainly can’t get through to her.” 

“What —” the fuck, he almost says out loud. For better or worse, Penelope interrupts him before he can get the words out. 

“I’ll keep that in mind, mum.” Then, with barely a breath between topics, “Hyacinth — sorry, but could you explain to me again how you plan on incorporating live goats into your university’s production of Twelfth Night? I believe I missed the connection the first time around.” 

Colin will have to ask Hyacinth to explain it a third time later on. Yet again, his mind is too loud with someone else’s words to properly pay attention. 

Everyone is so quick to correct Portia’s bullshit, but no one is willing to actually call her out on it.

When Hyacinth finishes speaking, no one at the table jumps to fill the silence she left behind; the scraping of knives and the slurping of tea are the only sounds in the room for several unending seconds. Colin spends that time attempting to get Penelope’s attention with his eyes alone. In the end, he’s unsuccessful. Her eyes remain trained on the half-eaten lemon tart in the middle of her plate. 

He longs to reach for her hand like he did during the previous course, but he can’t. The gesture wouldn’t be safe from prying eyes like it was before. Now, both of Penelope’s hands are above the table, sipping tea and poking at her food and fidgeting with her napkin. 

As the longing and the silence both grow at exorbitant rates, Colin briefly considers other points of connection. He wonders if it would be better to brush against her back or her waist or her thigh. He wonders if any of those gestures would go unnoticed by everyone else at the table. He wonders if any of those gestures could be explained as the touch of a friend. He wonders if he should get her attention at all, or if it is better to let her sit and dwell in her own silence. 

Before he can make a decision, the silence breaks. 

“Is Philipa having a boy or a girl?” Hyacinth asks (yet another unprompted question). 

Putting down her wineglass, Portia scowls ever so slightly. It’s barely a flash on her face, but it does not escape Colin’s notice. 

“It’s too early to know for certain, but I do hope it’s a boy.” Then, with a great, suffering sigh, “I always wanted a son. But it was never in the cards, I suppose. After Penelope, we just… gave up.”

What the fu—

“Well, how fortunate we both are to have been blessed with the children we were given,” Violet says with a smile on her lips and a look of detest in her eyes. 

“Of course,” Portia says, casually enough. She says something else. Presumably, something unrelated. Colin doesn’t catch the change in subject. Yet again, his mind is loud. 

Everyone is so quick to correct Portia’s bullshit, but no one is willing to actually call her out on it.

Everyone is so quick to correct Portia’s bullshit, but no one is willing to actually call her out on it.

Everyone is so quick to correct Portia’s bullshit, but no one is willing to —

His mind clears when a soft thud hits his shin. He turns his head to the left. To the culprit. 

“Are you okay?” she mouths for the second time tonight. 

Colin nods, but Penelope doesn’t look like she believes him. Before she can press any further, though, they are interrupted. Again. 

“Apologies for running off so suddenly,” says Kate, walking back into the room with her husband two steps behind. She stands in the space behind Colin and Penelope, placing one hand on the backs of both chairs. “I must admit that my stomach has been a bit off all day. Penelope, I wish we could stay longer, but I believe it would be in everyone’s best interest for us to depart before I turn green.” 

“Please don’t apologise,” Penelope insists, standing from her chair. “Thank you for coming tonight, but please go home and get some rest.” 

“Thank you for inviting us. I would wish you a happy birthday, but I shall do that tomorrow when I drop your present off at your flat.” 

“Kate!” Penelope cries out, mouth falling open. “I told you all not to —”

“Oh shush.” Any attempts from Penelope to do otherwise are swiftly killed when the taller woman pulls her into a hug; her protests against gift-giving are lost in the fabric of Kate’s sweater. 

After she and Anthony disappear down the hall again, the remaining guests seem to take stock of the dwindling attendance all at once. Six sets of eyes dart from seat to empty seat. 

Portia is the first to speak the obvious aloud. 

“Well, it seems rather silly to continue sitting around this massive table with so many empty seats.” 

After spending his entire adolescence in the polite, passive-aggressive London social scene, Colin could sort out the implication of Portia’s words from that very first “Well.” He knows that her statement was not so much an observation as much as it was an invitation. One prompting the remaining guests to follow Anthony and Kate’s leads and get the fuck out of her house. 

While it would be wise — or at the very least, less painful — for Colin to play along and say something about how late it is or how wonderful the evening was… He can’t bring himself to do it. His head is still very loud. 

Everyone is so quick to correct Portia’s bullshit, but no one is willing to actually call her out on it.

“Couldn’t agree more,” he says. The smile he forces on his lips feels just as strained as all of the other smiles he forced tonight. “Perhaps we should all retire to the drawing room to finish our tea.” 

No one at the table seems particularly enthused by his suggestion — least of all Eloise, who darts her head back to throw her brother a death glare from two seats over. And yet, no one voices any protests aloud. 

“Brilliant,” Portia eventually mutters. 

As the room shifts and the six remaining guests stand to retire to the room a few doors down, Colin looks to Penelope. She’s looking down at her feet. 

“Pen, I —”

Before he can say another word, Eloise steps forward and positions her body between them.

“Excuse me,” she grumbles, looping her arm through Penelope’s. “I require the birthday girl’s attention.” 

꙳ ꙳ ꙳

Smoke Break

“Are you having any fun tonight?” 

“No.” Penelope takes a drag of Eloise’s offered cigarette. It’s the first one she’s smoked since graduating uni. “But ‘fun’ was never really the point of tonight.” 

They’re standing in her childhood bedroom. They’re sticking their heads out her old window and releasing smoke from their lungs into the cold spring air. Eloise is complaining about Portia’s various “problematic” comments from earlier. Penelope is thinking about the real point of tonight. 

Tonight was supposed to be a simple family dinner. No private chefs. No overdrawn, awkward conversations. No witnesses. Tonight was never going to be fun — but she could have handled the original version of it. 

This version of tonight — the hell of Colin’s making — has been almost too much to bear. 

She knows why he did it. She knows why Colin felt the need to get himself and every last Bridgerton in London invited here tonight. She knows that he knows how difficult things can become on nights like this. She knows he wanted to be here not to bear witness to those difficulties, but to try against logic to make them less difficult. 

After all these years, Penelope knows Colin is kind. She knows he acts with the best of intentions. She knows he only wanted to help her tonight. But god — she wishes tonight wasn’t something she needed saving from. She wishes she wasn’t the type that needs saving. 

Now that the night is almost over, Penelope can look back on it through a puff of smoke and know that things were easier, having Colin and Eloise by her side through it all. But tonight was also far longer and more complicated and more visible than it would have been, had it only been her own family in attendance. 

In truth, Penelope doesn’t know which version of reality is the lesser of two evils. If she could go back in time to that pub in March, she doesn’t know if she would hold her tongue or invite the Bridgertons here herself. 

This was Colin’s idea.

After a few more puffs of smoke, Penelope stubs out what little life remains in their cigarette on the windowsill. 

“Hey —”

“Come on. Let’s get the rest of tonight over with.” 

Penelope pulls Eloise into the hallway with a newfound confidence in her step. The last course was so dreadfully awkward… By the time they return to the drawing room, the others will surely already be wrapping up. And by the time those big green doors come into her view, Penelope is almost convinced that things will be easy on the other side of them. But just as she raises her arm to push through…

“Oh — Penelope, dear.”

When Penelope turns her head, she finds Violet walking down the hall towards them, presumably coming back from the loo. 

“Eloise, may I have a moment to speak with Penelope?” she asks, closing the gap between them. When her daughter does not immediately respond, she adds, “Alone.”

“Mum, we’re sort of a package deal. I can’t —”

“El, go inside,” Penelope instructs gently. “I’ll be in in a minute.” 

After throwing her best friend the briefest of glares, Eloise does as she’s told. 

“Penelope, I wanted to give you something,” Violet says almost immediately after her daughter disappears from their view. She then starts opening the purse Penelope hadn’t realised was hanging over her shoulder until this very moment. (The blue of her purse is an exact match for the blue of her dress.)

“Oh!” Penelope breathes out, a panicked feeling rising in her chest. “You really didn’t have to —“

“Yes, I know dear.” Violet laughs lightly, waving one hand through the air in polite dismissal. “Colin told us all that you insisted upon us foregoing presents tonight, but…” 

After rummaging through it another second, Violet pulls the item in question out of her purse. It’s a small thing. Pink with white —

It’s a birthday hat, she realises a second before Violet places it in her hands. There are little white bows and delicate paper butterflies decorating the pink fabric. Two silk ribbons are pinned to either side to tie it all together. 

It’s perfect, she decides after possessing it only a few seconds. 

“I know a birthday hat may seem like a silly gift to receive on the eve of one’s 27th birthday.” Violet laughs lightly, her lips pulling into a smile as the breath escapes her. “But it’s a family tradition. My father made one for me every year until he passed. I always make them for my children on their birthdays. I did not wish to come here tonight without bringing even a small token to commemorate this milestone in your life.”

A few seconds pass before Penelope can find the words to respond to all of that. 

“It’s not silly,” she insists, voice soft but resolute. “It’s wonderful. But you really didn’t have —”

Violet places a hand over Penelope’s, still frozen in front of her holding the hat. 

“Everyone deserves a bit of cheer on their birthday. And besides —” She chuckles softly, then gives Penelope’s fingers a little squeeze. “Auggie helped me create this one.”

“Auggie?” 

She looks down to assess the craftsmanship of the hat in her hands. She finds it hard to believe a four-year-old came anywhere near it. 

“Well…” Violet laughs again, a bit louder this time. “He picked out the butterflies. He was quite insistent, really.” 

Penelope looks down again. She appraises those paper butterflies. She watches as the sparkles twinkle in the light of the hall. She tries to recall a time when her mother did something like this for her. She wonders if there was ever a time when Portia took time out of her day to do something small and unnecessary and kind, for no other reason than to bring her youngest daughter a bit of cheer. 

Then Violet pulls her into a hug, and Penelope cannot help but wonder when the last time her mother did that. She thinks of other birthdays. Of celebrations. Of holidays. Of funerals. Of her childhood. Of everything.

In the end, she can’t recall. 

“Thank you, Violet,” Penelope says into the older woman’s shoulder. By some grace of god, her words are too muffled to hear them crack. 

“Happy Birthday, dear.”

She keeps her perfect hat in her hands when she walks back into the drawing room. Perhaps she’ll wear it tomorrow, but tonight does not feel like the proper place for it. 

This was Colin’s idea.

꙳ ꙳ ꙳

Tea

“Are you making it your personal mission to ensure this night never ends?” 

Colin is standing by the hors d’oeuvres table with the very last prawn of the night in his mouth. He was by the couch before, but then his mum disappeared into the hallway and Hyacinth started discussing goats again. After about 30 seconds, he decided that wasn’t a conversation he needed to bear witness to and left Portia to fend for herself. 

Now, Colin is in the center of the room. Now, Eloise is back and, annoyingly, Penelope isn’t. 

“Lighten up, El,” he mumbles, swallowing the final prawn (which has grown to an alarming room temperature at this point in the night). With no real food in sight, Colin throws a mint into his mouth and about a dozen into his pocket. “We’re at a party, remember?”

“That’s a bit hypocritical, wouldn’t you say? Considering the scowl that’s taken ownership of your face the entire night.” 

Eloise’s eyebrows shoot up, waiting for Colin to react. To confirm. To deny. To scowl again and prove her point. But he doesn’t. His attention has been caught by someone else. 

He turns on his heel and walks back to the couch before his sister can say another word.

Penelope and Hyacinth are sitting closely on a settee that doesn’t look like it could bear the weight of another person, so Colin stands behind it. He uses one hand to hold his teacup limply in front of him, the other to clutch the back of the seat. His fingers graze the ends of shiny red curls. 

The women are discussing something. It sounds like Hyacinth is gushing about a new instalment of her favourite book series, but Colin is struggling to pay attention to the finer details of the conversation. His eyes are glancing around the room. His mind is wandering. 

Eloise was right, of course. He has been in an awful mood all night, and he’s made virtually no effort to hide that fact. Which is arguably strange behaviour coming from Colin Bridgerton, someone who typically excels in shoving his worst feelings down and upholding a charming exterior on nights like this. But not tonight. 

Not here. 

Being here has made it impossible for Colin to shut down his worst feelings. He can’t look around and not see the home little Penelope Featherington used to run away from crying in the middle of the night. He can’t overlook Portia belittling her daughter at every chance she gets. He can’t ignore the constant reminders of one simple fact. That Penelope was neglected as a child. 

She may have had a roof over her head and food in her stomach, but Penelope had other needs that had never been met by the people who were meant to care for her above all else. Her family has never treated her with the basic care, attention, and love that a child needs to grow into an actual, functional adult. It’s a miracle, Colin thinks, that Penelope was able to cross that threshold without the help of her —

“Happy Birthday, Penelope!” 

Hyacinth’s voice isn’t what pulls Colin from his thoughts. It’s Penelope. Or, it’s the loss of her. Instead of leaning back into his fingertips, she’s now leaning forward, towards his little sister. They’re hugging. 

“I’m sorry,” he barely hears Hyacinth whisper, her words muted as they’re spoken into Penelope’s hair. 

“What —”

Hyacinth darts her head back suddenly, keeping her hands locked on Penelope’s shoulders. Her eyes look guilty.

“I believe I was the only Bridgerton in attendance tonight who didn’t get you a birthday present.” 

Though Colin can’t see Penelope’s face from his current position, he can see her shoulders shake in silent laughter. 

“Thank you,” she whispers, pulling Hyacinth back into the hug. “For being the only Bridgerton to follow my directions.” 

When his sister stands, it finally clicks. While Colin was busy stewing in his own misery, his family was wrapping up the night. 

His mum is standing too. When he looks over to Eloise, her body is teetering on the edge of her chair — both hands clutching the fabric, both eyes pointed towards the nearest exit. Before she can move, Colin meets her gaze and tries with all his might to send her a look that screams: “Do. Not. Leave.” 

If Eloise receives the message, she moves right past it. Literally. She walks right past Colin, rips their mother out of Penelope’s arms, and gives her best friend a fervent hug. 

“Goodnight Pen! I’ll see you tomorrow for karaoke,” she exclaims, her excited tone slipping on that last word. 

After Penelope and Eloise separate, all eyes in the room seem to fall on Colin. He can see the expectation in their eyes, for him to follow suit and announce his departure. But he doesn’t. Instead, he raises his previously forgotten teacup and swallows a sip of the frigid liquid. 

“If it’s not too much of an imposition,” he says, eyes landing on Penelope and Penelope alone, “I think I’ll stay back and finish up my tea.” 

“Of course,” Penelope says, but her face is made up of anything but assuredness. Her eyes scream, “Why?” Which is better than “Please. Leave. Now.” (Although harder to respond to with looks alone.)

As the rest of his family exits the drawing room, Penelope and Colin take their seats. She returns to hers. He takes Hyacinth’s, draping his right arm across the back of the settee. Almost immediately, he feels the weight of Penelope’s shoulders and the weightlessness of her hair brushing against him. 

Portia remains alone on the couch, a tight smile on her lips and an indignant look in her eye. 

For the next few minutes, the three of them sit idly, sipping tea and making mindless conversation. About the weather. About Philipa’s morning sickness. About the weather. About traffic. About the goddamn weather. 

Through it all, Colin is a rather awful conversationalist, responding to Portia’s questions and hopeless attempts at small talk with monosyllabic sentences and a series of indifferent head nods. His behaviour does not change much when Portia re-introduces a topic from earlier. 

“Colin, where did you say you were travelling to next? Somewhere in the states?”

Once again, it takes him a moment to recall. 

“New York,” he eventually answers. 

“How exotic,” Portia remarks in a tone that makes it difficult for Colin to discern if it was meant to be sarcastic or not. “And what brings you all the way out there?” 

Once again, Colin does not answer straight away. Not because he can’t remember the details, but because he’s annoyed that the conversation has taken a turn that no longer allows for one word answers. 

“I’ve always enjoyed my time there. And I haven’t made the trip in a few years, so…” 

He shrugs noncommittally, not feeling up to the challenge of finishing that sentence.

“You always write of New York so beautifully,” offers Penelope from beside him, at which Colin cannot help but smile. 

“You should see it for yourself.” 

“I —” 

Colin will never know what it was that Penelope was about to say. Portia cuts her off, a twisted smile on her lips. 

“You know, I never quite understood how the two of you can be so… close.”

Yet again, Colin’s response is delayed. This time, due to shock. He doesn’t know what Portia is getting at, but whatever it is, it can’t be good.

“Pardon?”

“You two are such polar opposites. It’s difficult to imagine how two people can be so dissimilar and manage to remain friends for as long as you two have.” 

“Mum —”

“‘Polar opposites?’” Colin echos, incredulous. He could laugh at her statement, if it hadn’t filled him with such a sudden burst of rage. 

“Yes, I mean —” 

She laughs suddenly, as if overtaken by the humour of a joke Colin can’t even begin to understand. 

“You are so adventurous and independent. Penelope,” she says, as if Penelope is not also in the room with them, “would never run off to New York like that. She doesn’t have the follow through. Or the time! She’s so preoccupied by her job that she can barely make the fifteen minute walk from Hyde Park to Mayfair.”

“Mum —” Penelope tries to interject again. But again, it’s as if Portia can’t hear her at all. 

“Lest a dinner be thrown here in her honour, of course.”

All night, Colin has done a remarkably awful job at letting his emotions stay hidden beneath the surface. All night, he’s sounded tense. Confused. Annoyed. But he has not sounded angry, despite the anger that has been building up in him from the moment he walked through the front door. 

He has not sounded angry all night. Until now.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

Portia must be rendered speechless by his sudden outburst; while she opens and closes her mouth several times, no words are spoken.

“Sorry,” he mutters. Not to Portia, but to Penelope. When he turns to look at her again, her mouth is hanging open like a fish. An adorable fish, but a fish nonetheless. 

“I beg your pardon, Mr. Bridgerton?” Portia finally shoots out, which really does not help with Colin’s rage. 

“Sorry,” he says again. “My emotions got the best of me. What I meant to say is that I don’t believe you know your daughter in the slightest. Which is a damn shame.” 

Portia does that thing with her mouth again. “I love Penelope, of course, but —” she eventually begins to say. But Colin isn’t finished. 

“But do you know her? All night, you’ve taken every opportunity to talk over and belittle her. And now you have the gall to claim that Penelope Featherington of all people isn’t ‘independent?’ To imply that her job — which she is so bloody passionate about — isn’t important or worthy of her time?” 

Colin briefly halts his insane speech to steal another glance at Penelope. Her mouth is still hanging open, caught somewhere between being impressed and mortified. 

Turning back to Portia…

“If you truly can’t see your daughter for the intelligent, funny, good person that she is, I feel very sorry for you.”

For a brief moment, Colin thinks he’s done. He thinks he did what he needed to do and will now face the consequences. (Most likely never being invited to step foot into the Featherington household ever again.) But there’s one thing still nagging at him.

 “And just to clarify, Penelope is my best friend. And I’m lucky to be able to call her that.”

“I —”

Whatever Portia was about to say, Colin will never know. Penelope interrupts her. 

“Colin, I’ll walk you out.”

In one quick motion, she stands, grabs him by his shirt sleeve, and pulls him towards the nearest exit. 

꙳ ꙳ ꙳

Mint

The walk from the drawing room to the front steps was short and silent. It isn’t until now, stepping onto the pavement and into the cold April air, that either one of them says a word. 

For his part, Colin doesn’t quite know what to say after his outburst upstairs. His first instinct — correct or not — is to apologise. 

“Pen, I’m —” 

“Thank you,” she interrupts. She looks so earnest in her resolve, gazing up at him with soft, open eyes. “For what you said up there.”

Colin’s eyes flick down, suddenly unable to keep her gaze. 

“Please, don’t —” He takes a breath. “I didn’t say anything that shouldn’t have been said a long time ago.”

Penelope doesn’t drop her gaze. She looks at him like she’s about to argue. But in the end, “I don’t think anyone has ever spoken to my mother that way,” is all she says. 

“Long overdue, I think.”

“Even then… Thank you for —”

“Pen, please. You —” He sighs. “You’re my best friend. It’s sort of my job to defend you.” 

For the briefest second, he watches as something new crosses Penelope's face. Regret? Realisation? Despair? Colin can’t name it for certain, the change too brief and the night too dark for clarity. But just as quickly as it left, her resolve returns. 

She smiles. 

“I’m lucky, too,” she tells him. “To call you my best friend.” 

Yet again, Colin drops his gaze. Penelope’s words. Penelope’s smile. Penelope’s lips and their relative distance to his own. Penelope, his best friend… 

It’s all so good. There are times when it overwhelms him.

“Do you ever feel like it’s a curse?” he asks when the thoughts in his head get too loud. “Knowing your best friend your entire life?” 

Penelope looks just as confused by his question as he feels himself.

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean…” He pauses, attempting to find the words. “You know me, the 29-year-old somewhat functional adult Colin. But you also know the 18-year-old complete arsehole Colin.” 

“I —”

“And don’t forget about the 8-year-old idiot Colin, who thought fart jokes were the pinnacle of comedy.” 

“So what?” Penelope asks, a hint of a smile on her lips. “We’ve always been friends. We were friends through all of the different versions of us. When I was an insecure dork or a —” 

“You were never a —” Colin starts, but his voice doesn’t seem to break through.

“— little kid, afraid of her own shadow. We grew up together. That’s not a bad thing, is it?” 

Colin doesn’t know what to say to that, because it does feel bad. But it also feels great. And beautiful. And overwhelming. 

“I think it’s a gift,” Penelope offers, only after several seconds watching Colin standing with his mouth hanging open like a fish. “To know someone for as long as we have. To be able to look back at who we once were compared to who we are now.” 

That last sentence sends a chill directly down Colin’s spine, but Penelope does not seem to share his dilemma. She laughs again, crinkling her nose as she briefly turns it towards the stars above them. 

“And it’s a bloody miracle, that our friendship was able to survive so many different versions of ourselves.” 

Desperate to find his voice again, Colin clears his throat. 

“I think ‘miracle’ might be doing us both a disservice,” he says, trying his hardest to keep his tone light. “We’ve put quite a bit of effort into maintaining this friendship over the years.” 

“Sure,” Penelope utters quietly. Her head turns from right to left — from her childhood home to Colin’s. “You know… I don’t know what version of myself I would be today, had I not grown up on 15 Grosvenor Street.” 

Colin mumbles something that vaguely sounds like agreement. His stomach is suddenly heavy with not just the food and alcohol and three and a half sips of tea he consumed all night, but also a revelation. 

He was wrong. The two of them growing up together was not a curse. A history without Penelope Featherington would have been. 

“Can I ask you a question?” Penelope blurts out, to which Colin can only nod. 

“Did you stick around after everyone else left just so you could pick a fight with my mum?” 

Colin tilts back and forth on his heels, considering her question. In the end, he gives her the most truthful answer he can find within himself. 

“I wouldn’t put it in those words exactly, but… Yes. I suppose that’s the gist of it.” 

Though it may be rather dark on this particular patch of pavement, it almost looks as though Penelope is holding in a laugh. 

“And is that why you invited yourself and your family over tonight?” 

Another chill goes down Colin’s spine. 

“I… didn’t say you could ask me a second question.” 

Penelope does laugh this time. Her laughter is short lived though, her face almost immediately settling back into seriousness. 

“Well, for future birthdays and other family events… I need you to know that I can handle her on my own.” 

“Pen —” he starts. He means to inform her that she should not have to handle this on her own. That she should not have to “handle” her mother in the first place. But his voice seems to get lost in the wind. 

“Perhaps not as directly as you did up there…” She laughs again, nose wrinkling slightly. “But perhaps next time I can strive to be more forthright.”

“I know you can, Pen. But if you ever need someone there, I’m always —” 

“I know, Colin,” she interrupts. Her voice is soft, but it cuts through the darkness between them. “Thank you.” 

He opens his mouth to say something, but before he can figure out what, Penelope leans forward and wraps her arms around his neck. Well, she tries to. Even on her tippy toes, she has to pull him down to secure her position in the hug. 

Though Colin is initially caught off guard by the feel of her body against his, he’s quick to recover. He wraps both of his arms around her — one across her shoulders and the other on her waist. 

For a few seconds, time seems to stop. The rest of the world — anyone or anything not currently wrapped up in Colin’s arms — ceases to exist. 

When Penelope eventually slips away, she looks up at him with a familiar expression. She’s about to say, “Goodnight.” But before she can, Colin uses his newly-free hands to fish the phone out of his front pocket. 

10:11 PM

“Happy Almost-Birthday, Pen.” 

“Thanks Colin,” she says a bit sheepishly. “You’re still coming to karaoke tomorrow though, right?”

Colin gasps in mock-horror, grasping a hand against his chest. 

“Do you really take me for the type of person who would not show up for karaoke?” 

“No,” Penelope giggles. “You’re not Eloise.” 

“Thank god for that.”

“Are you heading back to Bloomsbury?” Penelope asks suddenly, before Colin has the chance to delay this part of the conversation any longer. 

“Uh, no.” He nods his head to the house across the street. “I’m gonna sleep off my inevitable hangover at mum’s place. You know, there’s about a dozen vacant bedrooms there these days. If you want to —”

“No,” Penelope interrupts, sweet but insistent. “Thank you, but no. I’m just going to sleep here tonight.” She nods her head to the right, towards the house she previously claimed to never wish to sleep in ever again. 

“Are you —”

“Yes,” she cuts in. “I am.” 

She must sense right away that her words did nothing to quell his blatant worry.

“You know…” she continues. “This house feels different to me now. Different than how it felt when I was a kid.” 

Colin lets out a shallow breath of air. 

“How so?” 

“It’s hard to explain. Maybe it’s just that I feel different. Like I finally grew up enough to not feel so small in its halls.” She laughs again, quietly. “It only took about twenty-seven years, but better late than never.” 

Not for the first time tonight, Colin feels speechless. He feels as though he could search his mind for the right words for hours, and he would still come up short. But before he can muster up halfway decent…

“Goodnight, Colin. Thanks again.” 

With that, she’s gone. Before he can even return her words, she’s disappeared from his view behind a big green door. 

There’s no traffic on the street between his house and hers. He could cut across and be home in ten seconds. But he doesn’t. He pops a mint into his mouth and takes the long route. 

After circling the block twice, Colin walks up his steps, opens the big blue door, swallows his mint, then throws one final glance over his shoulder. 

Goodnight, Pen.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

“You do realise that marrying me also means willingly making yourself Portia Featherington’s son-in-law, right?”

Colin shrugs.

“That’s a burden I’m willing to bear.”

“Are you —”

“But we’re spending holidays with my family from now on.” 

“Okay.” Penelope laughs. “Deal.”

[drdemonprince]

Can you talk more about the "doing harm" thing or share some reads you like about it? Everyone seems to have a different definition and I struggle with the difference of what's offensive to an individual vs harmful to a community

My sense of this is something that I have developed over the course of years, based on reading fairly widely about systemic oppression, boundary setting, activist organizing, and interpersonal dynamics. And for me it never stops developing as I continue to reflect more and see how various takes on the topic play out in various communities.

I don't have any specific resources to recommend that spell out how to develop that sense per se, because that all comes down to personal discernment, but I would encourage people to read authors whose analysis of systemic oppression is firmly rooted in anti-capitalism and abolitionism. If someone's perspective on social justice is not rooted in collective liberatory work, then it's just using identity as a means of selling a personal brand a lot of the time.

Writers that i've gotten a lot from include: bell hooks, Angela Davis, Rabbi Ruti Reagan, Aubrey Gordon, Emma Dabiri, Captain Awkward, Koa Beck, and Julia Serano. Some of these writers are more explicitly political than others, but even the ones who are more focused on social norms and boundaries (like Captain Awkward and Ruti Reagan) take a focus that is pretty targeted and practical.

Ultimately, you are gonna disagree with people sometimes about what is harmful. For example, I do not think thought crimes or emotion crimes are a thing. I don't even really think taste or media consumption crimes are a thing. My sister is eagerly playing the new harry potter game right this very moment and I fully do not give a shit. I would rather that she find a way to pirate it so that she wasn't compensating JKR by playing it, enriching JKR is undeniably harmful, but I have zero interest in convincing her not to like a media property, because in her personal conduct she is the only stalwart advocate I have in my family, and I've seen the positive impact that she has on the queer kids at the high school where she works.

my sister's real-life impact on the world matters to me a lot more than her liking this stupid ass game, enough for me to not choose this particular battle. I don't think fighting with her about it would bring any good into the world. In fact, it would drive us apart and make my life, her life, and our mother's life significantly worse. I could understand why people would disagree with me or handle their own affairs differently.

I think broadly speaking most of the social justice oriented internet has wildly lost any reasonable sense of scale or priority as well as tactics on a variety of matters, so we wind up creating tensions within our communities over smaller or symbolic forms of harm even when that makes it more difficult for us to tackle more significant sources of harm in a shared way. my sister cares about trans people, she fights for abortion rights, she's anti cop enough to have persuaded someone close to her not to go to the police academy, and she also is a potter enjoying disney adult. i love her to pieces and im so glad she is alive and i know she's a net positive on this earth. i dont think me haranguing her over her media habits leads to her having a better impact on this earth, and i know it would fuck my life up.

that said, i can't determine what is harmful (or on what scale it is harmful) for anybody else. many people would be very reasonably torn up over their beloved trans friendly sibling still being interested in playing the mega terf antisemitism game. that's all real, and that game and the person who birthed its IP are truly terrible. but i tend to see even the problem of harry potter's success as being a systemic one not an individual choice driven one, so. in this case it's one i let go of.

[goofygooberton]

Ok listen here fuckers if you like the mighty boosh, think Julian barratt is cool, and need more deranged girlbosses in your life then BOY OH BOY do I have the shows for you.

Alright we’ll start with the more lighthearted one first. It’s called Bloods, it’s on Hulu or sky tv, and it’s about paramedics. It’s fuckin hilarious. The main character is played by the same guy who played oluwande (Samson kayo) from our flag means death and the other main character is an older women, which we almost never get on tv so that’s already two wins (and their dynamic is hilarious). Where Julian comes in is that he plays the love interest for the batshit depot manager (her names jo, and I love her, she literally bites people). They have a very stupid, awkward and violent friendship it’s fuckin hilarious, 10/10. I’d say Julian’s character (his names Lawrence, btw) is abit of a himbo but he’s pretty emotionally intelligent, he’s just subtle about it. Also another thing about Jo is that she’s played by Lucy Punch who also played Lilith (the witch) from what we do in the shadows. (Oh and there’s also another deranged girlboss in this show her names Kareshma she’s awesome)

Alright the next show is a fucking sledgehammer to the emotions. I stg by the end of watching this I had been emotionally eviscerated and simultaneously had my faith in humanity restored. It’s about this depressed middle aged children’s book author and his family, Julian plays the main character. It does have a depiction of attempted suicide (it’s not that graphic tho and imo the story handled it very well) so know yourself and what you’re able to handle. It’s such a beautifully done show, I’m not really sure what to say about it other than watch it without giving to much about it away. I reccomend it if you like crying, positive father-daughter relationships, cannon lesbians, and more crying.

Okay thank you for coming to my Ted talk now go have fun watching these :D

[solsticeswackstuff]

The Socs Headcanon sheet

:readmore:

Notes about the headcanon- I know the Socs are canonly mean to each other but my friend decided for the sake of our sanity they are mean as a means of protection for themselves. Outside of the public, they have a familial relationship. This is an AU where the socs are very close and for some reason, Dot is the kicker for the football team

Susan-

She has a notebook full of letters to herself and her mother that she writes when she is frustrated or insecure- no one has read it or attempted to

Susan in the group dynamic oldest daughter

In the car, Susan has the aux

Susan does ice skating

Pearl, Peg, and Susan met in etiquette classes

Dot met Susan at rich people's dinner parties (the best kind of bonding)

During the parties, Dot and Susan hide upstairs

Rosemary met Susan through the local kids' softball league

Susan pretends to hate all the socs girls but she loves them

Susan and Pearl bake together

Susan and Peg kill the spiders

The only recipe she remembers is lasagna because she was forced to take a cooking class and it’s the only thing she didn't burn

Can balance books on her head because of a posture exercise she used to have to do and now it has become a source of entertainment at sleepovers (the record has been nine)

Pearl-

Everyday Pearl writes letters to the rest of the socs and puts them into the socs' lockers

Pearl is the dad of the group (is Rosemary canonly her sister? I think so)

The group buys Pearl a lot of grill dad merch

In the car, Pearl sits in shotgun or drives

Pearl skates on roller skates and skateboards

Pearl and Peg are childhood friends

Pearl loves baking desserts to give to the socs sometimes with the letters

She makes birthday treats for the group as well. (She’s more sneaky with Susan’s treats because she knows how her mom is about eating)

Pearl has never forgotten a birthday

Dot and Pearl live to do stupid things to annoy Rosemary

Pearl’s favorite music artist is Atlas

Whenever Dot gets confused Pearl will pull her aside to explain

When Pearl goes missing she’s usually sleeping in the weirdest place in the most awkward position

Rosemary-

Rosemary is the wine aunt

Everyone gets piggyback rides from Rosemary

In the car, Rosemary is in the back listening to her music while just sitting there watching the chaos

Rosemary cannot ride a bike but she can surf

During softball, Rosemary and Susan started their rivalry that still exists

Rosemary met Dot at a park when they were kids and they have been very close ever since

Rosemary goes for walks that can last up to 2 hours every day

She cannot cook for the life of her

Likes scented candles for some reason. Like REALLY.

Dot and Rosemary have a weekly movie night

Has the healthiest sleep cycle of the group

Rosemary hates meeting people taller than her

Hates music that isn’t on her playlist

Rosemary is a witness to everything strange Dot and Pearl do

Dot-

Is the younger sister of the group

the kicker for the football team for some reason

She has her varsity jacket from football

In the car, she always sits in the middle

Dot curses at Peg when she thinks no one is around to mess with Peg

Somehow can ride a motorcycle

Dot helps out with costumes for the next play

She would die if she had a Baja blast

When the group goes to a gas station they lock Dot in the car so she won't waste all their money on candy

Dot hides under tables when there is a spider around

Her favorite music artist is Hobo Johnson

She gets TOO invested in movies

Dot is the Group armrest

She gets on Rosemary’s shoulders to yell at people

TREE CLIMBER KID

Scooters frequently

The reason she is on the football team is because one day she showed up to practice ATE UP

The team loves Dot not only because she scores but also because she does tons of shenanigans with them

Dot works out with the football team

Dot barging into the locker room: PULL UP YOUR PANTS THERE'S A LADY HERE

She has a changing stall that is decorated for her by Buddy and Wally

Buddy and Wally yell at Neil to be a gentleman whenever he says something pervy when Dot is around

Pre-Game dance parties sponsored by Dot’s Alcohol

Peg-

Peg is the middle child of the group

She had a lisp that only comes out when she is angry or speaking too fast

In the car, she sits in the back with Rosemary or drives

Loves chocolate ice cream an ungodly amount

Peg can drive and skate

Peg and Pearl met as kids around the same time Dot and Rosemary did

Anyone who talks bad about the socs Peg will beat them up

Peg can pick locks

Enjoys DIY and building stuff

Peg is very good at soccer

She owns a chicken named Barthanew

Star Trek enthusiast

Frequently suffers attacks and pranks from Dot

Dot and she have an ongoing prank war

Is dramatic as a thespian

The only one in the group who likes seafood

Peg frequently shotguns random things- the group will just be walking around after going to the gas station and Peg will just shotgun whatever she has

Group Headcanons

They regularly have sleepovers

During the summer they do monthly road trips

One time Dot and Pearl wanted a chocolate dessert wrap they found online at 3 am during a sleepover, but they didn't have Nutella so they used chocolate sauce. They didn’t taste good and when Dot went to wash her hands she put the sandwich in the sink and got covered in soap, they reference this event every time any of the Socs eats chocolate. (based on my experience)

Pillow fights happen every sleepover

The group goes to Ikea to pretend to be a divorcing family with Pearl and Susan as the parents (they lost Pearl briefly in Ikea before they realized she was just asleep in one of those tiny twin beds for five-year-olds)

They BLAST Hobo Johnson in car rides

They all LOVE Miss. McGee and buy her presents for dealing with them

The group takes a lot of group photos but something always goes wrong for example Dot has never looked at the camera, a bird flies through, and/or they all fall somehow

Susan’s Mom once signed them all up to be camp counselors…chaos ensued

During sleepovers, the socs girls will take photos of each other with random phrases on them

They had a slam poetry night, Peg’s was about the Mango Juul Pod

this is the wrap\/

we worked very hard on this any interaction with it is much appreciated 💛! thank you!

[scarlet--wiccan]

What are your thoughts on the idea of tommy officially adopting the name maximoff? Obviously it’s a very different case for billy but tommy doesn’t seem to have a close relationship with the Shepards and the name doesn’t have a cultural significance to him either. Do you think that could be an exciting move for his character or do you reckon it’s unnecessary

I'm of two minds. On the one hand, I think that this type of name-change can create unnecessary confusion, especially when there are multiple versions of a character that need to be distinguished. I'm also reluctant to create further imbalances or discrepancies between Tommy and Billy. Moreover, my initial instinct is to say that actually demonstrating a positive relationship between Wanda and her sons is more important than what either Tommy or Billy call themselves--and, much like my opinion on Magneto and the Maximoffs [x], I think we do a disservice to these characters when we shy away from the challenging parts of their complicated family dynamic. Billy and Tommy's disjointed upbringing, as well as the sometimes imperfect process of reunification and reclamation, are vital parts of their narrative. That's a specific, unique part of the Romani identity they represent, and I want to lean into that complexity, not smooth it over.

On the other hand, you're correct that Tommy does not have any relationship with the Shepherds and has no need to keep their name. Billy and Tommy both stand to gain a lot from developing their relationship with Wanda, but where Billy would be mostly exploring the nature of his powers and how that fits into his Romani heritage, Tommy is the one who could really expand on his feelings about family and belonging, and potentially, how that fits into his Romani heritage as well.

As I've said in the past, I find that the preservation of identity and lineage, in spite of our history of forced assimilation, displacement, and family separation, is a very important subject for many Romani people. That's why I think it's so important to consider Wanda's relationship with her sons in the context of racial and cultural identity. As "Maximoff" is, in this context, an ethnic name, having Tommy adopt that name would be a really meaningful gesture, and hopefull dispel any doubts among the fans that he and his brother are Roma.

The most recent Hulkling & Wiccan comic on Marvel Unlimited made it clear that Wanda views all her children-- including her son-in-law-- as Maximoffs. I thought that was really beautiful, and I would really like to see more indications that Billy and Tommy are, explicitly, part of this family, regardless of their surnames. I used to think maybe writers should just start giving them double or hyphenated surnames, but now that Billy's married it might be a little awkward. William Maximoff-Kaplan-Altman is kinda too much.

[lululawrence]

lululawrence's October 2022 Fic List

Previous Fic Lists / Lulu’s List Podcast Masterpost

Hello hello! My October list is a day(ish) late for the 28th, but I wanted to still get it out while it was still October, and I made it! Even with 30 fics having been read somehow this month hah!

The podcast is still on a break, but will return as soon as I'm able to manage it. I still hope to do a catch-up series like I did before, so fingers crossed that can happen, and sooner rather than later.

As always, be sure to show your love and appreciation for all of the hard work our fandom authors have put into their fics with kudos, nice comments, and (when applicable) reblogging their fic posts!

hold this thread by @disgruntledkittenface / disgruntledkittenface (27k, E, Nick/Harry, Alternate Universe, Model Harry, DJ Nick, Nick is essentially the Nick we know and love but Harry's a model hehe, Meet Cute, Flirting, London Fashion Week, Kink Exploration and Negotiation, some BDSM fun in such a great way)

There was a lot done in this fic regarding the dynamic between the two of them that had me squealing and screaming in happiness and awkwardness and excitement and just sheer enjoyment. Maggie did such an amazing job with this fic and it is absolutely one of my fav gryles fics I've read

Uh oh, it’s Magic (when I’m with you) by @kingsofeverything / kingsofeverything (7k, E, Harry/Louis, Astro Fest fic, Alternate Universe, Magic, Meet Ugly, basically hehe, Camping, Searching/Waiting for Magic Powers, Magic Dick, no like really lol)

This fic was so insanely ridiculous and silly but also so much fun lol It was funny, sexy, cracky... all the best things thrown together in a little fic that has you feeling so happy by the end. I loved every moment.

Jealousy, Jealousy by @wabadabadaba / wabadabadaba (26k, E, Harry/Louis, A/B/O dynamics, non-traditional A/B/O dynamics, alpha/alpha, alpha Louis, alpha Harry, new relationship, bi character, jealousy, alpha nesting, figuring out how to make a new relationship work)

This fic was just. WOW. I love non-traditional A/B/O dynamics, but this one took it in a direction I've not seen where the characters have a lot of challenges to overcome that aren't entirely external as they adjust to being in a relationship with another alpha. It's handled so beautifully and shows the love they have for each other as well as the way they are both so concerned and nervous as they figure out how to express their concerns and what they're experiencing and it's just a lot and fantastically done.

In the midst of a storm by @quelsentiment / wordsnnotes (55k, M, OT5 Relationship, Alternate Universe, Guernsey, Angst, Sadness and Loneliness, Exes to Lovers, Polyamory Negotiations, Friends to Lovers, Family Drama, Confronting your Past, in a myriad of ways)

I wish I had the words to talk about this fic, but it has been almost a month since I finished it and I still cannot find any that sufficiently describe this fic. There is such a depth and wealth of emotion found within every character in this fic, yet you see all of them through the POV of Zayn. You know there's a history, but you don't know most of it until you need to, you just know enough to understand at least part of what Zayn is grappling with. The island is such a strong character to the fic as well, and Zayn's grandfather as well as others on the island are just so rich and powerful. The entire fic transports you to another place and makes you feel so safe with these characters, even at the most distressing part of it all, that you can't help but want to stay with them. I just... this fic was hands down one of my favorites I've read all year. End of.

I know I've got this (because I've had it all along) by @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed / we_are_the_same (16k, T, Harry/Louis, Alternate Universe, Girl Direction, Boudoir Photographer Harry, insecure Louis, Best Friend Liam, side Ziam, Body Positivity, talk of past abuse from a partner, Self Empowerment)

This fic is so vulnerable from the moment it begins. Mia is incredible when it comes to infusing her fics with All The Feelings, and this fic isn't an exception, except instead of the traditional angst and painful feelings that make you hurt and cry, this is entirely different. It still cuts you to the core, but it's due to the fear and ghosts and everything Louis is still dealing with paired with the gentleness and care Harry takes as she does her best to help Louis let go of everything she's held on to for too long. It's incredible and powerful.

Will Death Be Our Last Kiss, My Love? by @fallinglikethis / FallingLikeThis (7k, M, Harry/Louis, Alternate Universe, Harry Potter Crossover, Harry and Louis are partners at the Ministry of Magic, Half-Selkie Louis, Kidnapping, Murder Investigation, Dark Fic, Mystery)

This fic was incredible! It was part of the Tri-Wizard Fic Challenge and I have no idea how Tabby manages to fit so much backstory and worldbuilding in addition to plot into so few words. It feels like a fic that is so much longer than it actually is because of how much she manages to fit into those words, and it's insanely effective. I felt like I was also trying to solve the mystery of who it could be and the fear and worry lacing the words were felt as I read as well. The way canon HP characters were woven into the story with people we know from our fandom was also so much fun.

More Than a Mic Drop by @haztobegood / haztobegood (8k, E, Harry/Louis, Alternate Universe, Singer Louis, Sound Engineer Harry, Flirting, Dom/sub, I would say undertones but honestly it's not even undertones by the end lmao, Mic Drops, LTWT22)

I'll be honest, I read the complete fic, or as complete as it WAS, closer to the beginning of October and Jinny has since added a sixth chapter. I'm gonna go ahead and still rec it even though I've not read that last chapter she added a day or two ago yet, because I'm sure it's still amazing. This fic is so playful and fun and Louis is SUCH a brat in it, I was like... almost cowering because I knew his punishment wouldn't be BAD but also I had no idea how far Harry would also push it. It was amazing to read them both kind of feeling each other out and figuring out where their boundaries were, and it's just... so fun and so sexy and so cool to read the bits we have actually seen of Louis' stage antics turn into such a fun dynamic.

Examine by @louistomlionson / sitandadmire (42k, E, Harry/Louis, Alternate Universe, Footballer Louis, Doctor Harry, Past Abuse, Mental Health Issues, Trauma Responses, essentially both are pretty fucked up and they are fucked up together, but by the end they try really hard to work on their issues lol)

I'm reccing this fic while I still can because It's not going to remain on AO3 for much longer! So download it if you need it! haha I actually started this fic ages ago when it was on anon and then it was taken off anon and I lost it for a time, but finally found it again so I could finish it. For real though, please read tags and be safe, because this fic is HEAVY and dark and deals with a lot a lot a lot of hard topics. It's angsty and painful but is such a journey that you cannot help but cheer for them as they continue through their difficulties. I really came to love them so much.

ghost of you by @beckydoesthings / beckywritesthings (109k, E, Harry/Louis, Big Bang fic, Star Wars AU, non-linear narrative structure, Jedi Master Harry, Harry is Obi-Wan, Mandalorian Duke Louis, Louis is Satine, Padawan/Jedi Knight Zayn, Zayn is Anakin, Strangers to Lovers, Plot Twist, Time Jumps, You don't need to know Star Wars to enjoy this fic!)

Uh, yes, this fic was fucking MINDBLOWING. I know I keep raving about these fics and saying they're the best I've read, but I'm being serious every time. This fic was incredibly done. I've mostly just seen the films and a couple of the TV series that Disney has done, so I'm not so well versed on all the Mandalorian things, but it didn't matter. I was able to follow all of it so well that it actually helped me make sense of some things I'd seen in the films/shows. This fic is an epic journey in so many ways, and the depth with which you get to know and love the characters was incredible. The way the men we love were merged with the characters they were meant to be portraying was amazing as well! And the way the narration was set up was so incredibly compelling as well. The plot twist and the time jumps are all done so perfectly for maximum emotional impact and I just cannot rave about this fic enough. It is stunning and stellar and I want everyone to read it lol

Outside Is Just A Blur by daggerandtherose (18k, NR, Harry/Louis, Alternate Universe, Single Dad Louis, Struggling Louis, Protective Louis, Baby Dialling, Wrong Number, kind of?, Strangers to Lovers, Online Friendships, again kind of, It's complicated)

I actually don't even know how I found this fic honestly lol but it was such a great read! Louis' baby somehow manages to call Harry, without knowing who he is or having his number previously, repeatedly when playing with Louis' phone, and that's the basis for everything. The friendship and relationship that develops from there is so pure and lovely and they are exactly what they both needed, but there's also so much difficulty they have to work through and it's just so sweet and lovely. Such a fun read.

Plant New Seeds by @hellolovers13 / HelloLovers13 (LilianAngel) (2k, T, Harry/Louis, Alternate Universe, Neighbors to Lovers, Mystery/Secret Plant Watering, Fluff, that's literally the entire thing and it's so perfect lol, Fluff, Humor, and perhaps my favorite tag I've read this month, "No Plants Were Harmed" lolllll)

This fic was like the alternate universe version of the Guerilla Warfare Planter on Campus Harry fucking Styles fic and I cannot express how very much that pleases me lollll This fic was so silly and Louis was so quick to believe almost anything but the real thing that happened and the exasperation on Harry's side is just palpable and... yeah. I could not stop giggling while reading this and isn't that just the best feeling? A perfect little pick me up, for sure.

Just Pretend by @kingsofeverything (90k, E, Harry/Louis, Silver Fox Louis fest fic, older divorced dad Louis, older divorced dad Harry, both have teenage daughters, both are small business owners, Fake Relationship, One Night Stand gone wrong lol, Small Town USA, slow burn, pining, bed sharing, just all the good things)

I'm not sure how she managed to do it, but Lauren took all of my favorite fic things and threw them into a fic then added some new things to the mix like silver fox louis and divorced dads with teen daughters and just made it like a siren song for me lollll and it was still somehow even better than I expected it to be? I put off an entire day's worth of chores around the house and other tasks that really seriously needed to be done (like MEAL PLANNING and GROCERY SHOPPING and IMPORTANT PHONE CALLS BEING MADE etc that keep the family running) and just... read while the toddler of terror sat in my lap and demanded different videos on YouTube. I didn't fight him. I gave him what he wanted because that's how I was able to continue reading in relative peace, and you know what? I regret nothing. This fic was fucking incredible. Left you feeling so fulfilled and happy and just SO pleased with how things turned out. Cannot rave enough.

silver dress feels like a cure by @finelinegynandromorph / finelinegynandromorph (11k, E, Harry/Louis, Bottom Harry Fest fic, Alternate Universe, Ballet Dancer Louis, Boudoir Photographer Louis, former Ballet Dancer/now Pole Dancer Harry, Trans Harry, Non-Binary Harry, Intersex Harry, Strained kind-of Ex-Rivals to Lovers, It's complicated lol)

It is so funny that I somehow managed to find and read two boudoir photographer fics in the same month and how, despite being such a niche and specific plot in a way, they were so different! This fic was at times a difficult read, just because of the things mentioned in the tags and the difficulties Harry had to deal with as well as the internal struggles Louis had, but the way it was all handled and information was given to the reader was so fulfilling. I appreciated how they talked through the awkwardness and just handled everything. It was a great read.

A Friend's Gambit - It Begins by @laynefaire / Layne Faire (HisDarlin) (1k, T, Zayn/Liam, Wordplay 2020 fic, Alternate Universe, This is just part 1 of the series, I haven't read the rest yet lol, Tooth Extraction and the Dentist, or at least talk about it)

I am FINALLY catching up on everything from @wordplayfics I have missed in the past three rounds. sigh. Anyway, there will be several more from this round following because I started with this one! haha I'm still working on week 1 from round 4, so while this is the beginning of the story that will be told over the course of the five weeks, it was such a great way to start it off and it has me so excited about what is to come!

In a Little Bit of Trouble by @becomeawendybird / QuickedWeen (5k, T, Harry/Louis, Wordplay 2020 fic, Alternate Universe, Girl Direction, Louis is Agent Carter, Waitress Harry, Spies and Intrigue, Historical fic, 1940s, Action/Adventure)

This fic was SO fun because it was like a little slice of a larger story and yet it still felt so complete! That doesn't mean I don't want more, because I do, but mostly because Molly does it so perfectly she makes me want to just hear the rest of this larger story and learn more about everything she references in passing. It's killer world building, the dynamic between the two women is incredible, and it's SO HOT and yet still smut free. Perfection!

Vanilla Extract by @maelstromroots / Maelstrom_Roots (4k, T, Harry/Louis, Wordplay 2020 fic, Alternate Universe, Established Relationship, COVID and Quarantine, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Date Night during a Pandemic, This makes it all sound so heavy but it's not, it's actually so soft)

Oh man oh man, where to start. This fic was so fucking relatable and in some ways still felt like it was too soon, but maybe that's just because I still feel like I'm struggling with a lot of the feelings that Harry is in this fic lol That said, it was so cathartic to read and so beautiful to see their relationship and how much they really were/are still looking out for each other despite their struggles. It was so soft and careful in so many ways while still dealing with the hard topics, and I just really appreciated the way all of it was written about so it didn't feel preachy or condescending, but instead it felt relatable and like you were getting a big hug at the end as you were told it would be okay. If that even makes sense? I just really loved it.

In the Homestretch of the Hard Times by @fallinglikethis / FallingLikeThis (5k, M, Harry/Louis, Wordplay 2020 fic, Alternate Universe, Zombie Apocalypse, Scientist Harry, Protective Older Brother Louis, Harry is looking for a Cure, Louis might be the cure, sounds about right yeah? lollll)

Okay so this fic is such a fun metaphor for everything we were in the midst of in 2020, or that's how it felt to me. We were just looking for a way to stop it all and help us become immune, so to speak, and while we never did find a cure, I loved seeing how it all worked out in their world. The way they were essentially able to save each other in different but still incredibly important ways. It was such a beautiful story, and I keep thinking about it.

A+ Patient by @louandhazaf / YesIsAWorld (2k, G, Harry/Louis, Wordplay 2020 fic, Alternate Universe, Dentist Louis, Dental Assistant Niall, Patient Harry, Anxiety, Humor, Mutual Pining, Fluff)

Harry in this was so fucking relatable lmaooo The way he put off going to the dentist until he couldn't anymore even though he knew it made things worse and almost was embarrassed because of how bad it was and he wanted to get a good grade as a patient, as if that was a thing? I couldn't stop laughing because it felt like Nic had somehow managed to write me to perfection in this fic lol And Niall with the humor and begging Harry not to sue them and just... all of it was so great. I loved it all so much.

This is Not My Cat by @londonfoginacup / LadyLondonderry (3k, G, Harry/Louis, Wordplay 2020 fic, Alternate Universe, Hybrid Harry, Confused Louis, Thunderstorms, Humor, Fluff, Meet Awkward, lolllll)

I forgot about the random things Emmu sent while writing this fic until I was reading it and could not stop laughing and cooing as I did so. This fic is so funny and so cute and I love Hybrid Harry and Gemma with my entire heart. It's the perfect crack-y Emmu fic we have all come to expect from her, I think, and it does not disappoint. Such a fun read haha

Watching Camboys on Lockdown by @reminiscingintherain / reminiscingintherain (1k, E, Harry/Louis, Wordplay 2020 fic, Alternate Universe, Camboy Louis, Viewer/Supporter Harry, COVID and Quarantine, Lockdown, Harry learns about Camboys from Gemma, and I cannot stop laughing about that)

I read part one of this fic as part of @wankersday back in 2020 and cannot believe it has taken me this long to continue reading it lol I am so happy Roni continued this story for Wordplay. Louis is a bit of a disaster his first time and I just keep thinking about the way his foot kicked out and knocked over the camera and giggling all over again but Harry is so protective from that first time and it's just such a great start to the rest of the series and I cannot wait to read the rest.

captivate by @ohmydarlin / heartland (605, M, Harry/Louis, Wordplay 2020 fic, Alternate Universe, Established Relationship, Reading, Books)

This fic is so short and simple and so perfect! The way Louis learns that Harry's favorite book is Pride and Prejudice and immediately has to read it is so sweet and lovely and I just think it's such a cute start to this series. I can't wait to read the rest of this as well!

Extraction Plan Alpha Prime by @soidiallednine / soidiallednine (7k, M, Harry/Louis, Wordplay 2020 fic, Alternate Universe, Sci-Fi, Space, Warring Planets, Undercover Agents, Spies, Hiding, Escape, Action/Adventure)

There was so much world building and adventure and excitement in this that I forgot it was only part one of a series and was SO SURPRISED when it ended and nothing had been resolved lmaooo You can imagine my relief when I realized there would be more coming in following weeks haha For real though, the way this was written felt like I was watching an action sci-fi movie play out in front of me. I have a lot of trouble visualizing things I've never seen before, and yet the way they described things it was all done in a way that made it feel like I was physically in the space it was happening in. It was incredible and so good and I'm feeling a bit stressed thinking about it right now because I want to read the rest so just let that speak for itself hahaha

Your Voice, Leading Me Home (Extraction) by @phd-mama / phdmama (5k, M, Harry/Louis, Wordplay 2020 fic, Alternate Universe, Spies, Undercover, Secret Identities Compromised, Escape, Danger,)

This fic, y'all. Especially following the previous one, it was just A LOT OF TENSION because phdmama does such a stunning job of throwing us right into the action. Harry is undercover and his identity has already been compromised and he's trying to escape and he has Louis in his ear trying to help him escape and it's so dangerous and so much is at risk and holy shit my heart leapt into my throat at one point and just there's a plot twist and it's so good I cannot explain! It was such a well written story and had me on the edge of my seat as I read as fast as I could as if that would somehow help anything lol It was just SO good and exciting!

Fun Time Candles by @sadaveniren / SadaVeniren (1k, T, Harry/Louis, Wordplay 2020 fic, Alternate Universe, Established Relationship, Parents, Parenting while Active in the BDSM world, what a great premise honestly lol, candle making, specialty candles hehe)

This fic is so great because the humor and hilarity of Harry and Louis trying to navigate the pitfalls of their child being able to read while having scandalous labels for your specialty candles specifically geared towards wax play is... just the best thing I never knew I needed lol It was so funny and real and wonderful I adored it.

Extract: Japan by @sashinalash / SashinaLash (676, T, Harry/Louis, Wordplay 2020 fic, Canon Compliant, Harry in Japan)

This fic is so unique and beautiful and I cannot even explain why exactly, you just have to read it and experience it yourself. It almost feels like poetry, the way it is structured and how it flows. It has a vibe of stream of consciousness and yet it is so much more? It was one of those fics where I read it and then had to sit with it for awhile to really take in what exactly I had read. It was stunningly beautiful and such a cool way to explore it all.

Get You a Husband Who... by @daggerandrose / amomentoflove (3k, T, Harry/Louis, Wordplay 2020 fic, Alternate Universe, Established Relationship, Youtuber Louis, Baker Harry, Humor, Baking, Fluff)

This was another one where when I realized there would be more from this universe coming in the later weeks, I was so excited. This was such a cute setup and I loved the dynamic they had together as well as the humor of the entire situation while also getting behind the scenes details on Louis making the video itself and their relationship was just so soft. I loved it all, what a cute idea and I can't wait to explore more of their adventures together.

my love will never leave you by @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed / we_are_the_same (10k, T, Harry/Louis, Wordplay 2020 fic, Alternate Universe, Established Relationship, World Building, Illness, Memories, Loss of Memory, Very Sunshine of the Spotless Mind vibes while also being so different, Memories are Currency, Established Relationship, Angst, Pain, Hope, Sci-Fi almost, super super cool)

Mia out here throwing down a 10k fic of an entirely different world that was essentially created by her as far as I know and it's completely stunning? Like how? So wild. The pain and longing and angst in this fic is so much, though. I would summarize the fic except it's so complex I could never do it justice here so hopefully someday I'll do the podcast for this month so I can fumble my way through that for you haha Just... it's almost exes to lovers except also strangers to lovers because its complicated and yet is also a happy ending? It's just a stunningly beautiful and wonderful fic and had me wanting to just inhale the entire thing and yet also jump into the world and start a revolt myself to free them from the system they were stuck under lol it was just insanely good. So good.

The Sweetest Thing by @homosociallyyours / homosociallyyours (100, G, Harry/Louis, Wordplay 2020 fic, Alternate Universe, A/B/O dynamics, non-traditional A/B/O dynamics, omega Louis, omega Harry, meet cute, drabble)

This drabble was so cute and sweet and fun! It was the perfect opening to the series Megan continued with this round of Wordplay, so as I keep saying, I can't wait to keep reading as I catch up!

to tell you the truth... by @hogwartzlou / 5sexualhomos (1k, G, Harry/Louis, Wordplay 2020 fic, Alternate Universe, friends to lovers, exploring the woods, alien plantlife)

This fic is so fun? It's such a fun and mysterious and almost creepy set up and it turns out so perfectly fluffy and cute and sweet and fun. It was one of those perfectly fluffy and fun reads that you can read in a few minutes as a little pick me up and I loved it for that exact reason.

It's Paradise As Long As I'm With You by @loveislarryislove / LiveLaughLoveLarry (3k, T, Harry/Louis, Wordplay 2020 fic, Established Relationship, Parents, Harry's Birthday, Domestic Fluff, Baking)

This fic was so perfectly cute and sweet. The strength of their relationship to each other and their kids was so palpable and lovely. The way that Louis was doing his best to celebrate Harry's birthday in the way he knew he deserved while also respecting his wishes was so wonderful and also their getting alone time was so perfect, or maybe I just felt that way as an exhausted mother of three who struggles to find time alone with her spouse at all haha It was such a soft and sweet fic, and just a joy to read.

[katyspersonal]

So for the « send me a character ask game » what about our dear Rya hm?

Oh and what about Damian too?

(From this ( x ) ask meme)

- For Rya

First impression: Was first introduced to her via fanart and plenty of spoilers, I thought she was adorable x) Both as a woman and as a snake!

Impression now: Still, not much to say about her, she is just a really cute snake girl! It is one of those characters with whom there is not much to do besides memes and fanart with them in wholesome situations! However, I have even more positive opinion on her now that I know she is one of very few characters who were able to bounce back from mental defeat and be optimistic and hopeful about their future! Really rare mindset in Elden Ring's broken, despair-ridden world!

Favorite moment: Ahahaha when we discover her as a snake xD She forgot to put on her human suit, this is so precious xddd

Idea for a story: Anything you can think up about her and Patches meeting again, after Volcano Manor cringed and failed. This might be awkward as Patches is like, moving on, so meeting someone so close tied with Volcano Manor and Tanith can be... a bit of heavy, to say so. But at the same time if they get through the tension, they could become basically best friends. Or they could build father/daughter-alike bond! I also saw a ship which is valid too (let's be real, Patches had 0 chances with Tanith from the start, and there was... well, just nothing.)

Unpopular opinion: ANOTHER character with whom there are no opinions in the community besides 'I just think they're neat' to BEGIN with, so I can't answer much xD

Favorite relationship: She and her mother! This is such a sweet familial bond, holy shit. Tanith is absolutely in the right loving Rya so much, it is that one time when lack of blood relation didn't change anything about the family at all. True family bond is emotional and spiritual, and Rya is even inspired to carry on as her successor. Elden Ring spoiled us with too much wholesomeness for a Soulsborne game, especially the familial one!

Favorite headcanon: Not really a headcanon, but rather a logical conclusion. I LOVE seeing her E L O N G A T E D in fanart, like how other serpents can do that xD It makes the most sense that she is able to do that too in her serpent form x)

- For Damian

First impression: When I first saw Kris summon him for help on the stream, I mistook him (and summon dynamics in general) for one of those random-generated NPCs; some videogames do that! So at first I neglected him, in fact I was a little negative, and so it stayed until Val was the one to open my eyes on the fact that summons are unique and real characters...

Impression now: He is absolutely adorable, he looks like a sage but also like a male grandma (don't confuse with a grandpa xD), he is extremely interesting because without dialogue, he tells quite a story with his equipment and summon areas! Just... just peak performance of nonverbal storytelling, like Henriett. I currently do see him as sort of a 'dad' figure for other scholars, since my age headcanons for him moved a bit further, when I used to think of him as the same age as Mico, Laurence and Caryll back then. But like, he is COOL, you know? Both clearly very intelligent AND can kick asses of literal gods. x)

Favorite moment: When he arrives to "help" us with Rom after we died already HAHAHAHAHA! Thanks for help, asshole!!!

Idea for a story: His dives in the Isz dungeons sound like a plan! With other Tomb Prospectors! Especially Gremia - another summon in that area! Many people have been noticing that Gremia fights especially aggressively and doesn't step away and heals all that much, and he is also the only summon that can sprint. Paired with the fact that he doesn't have Loch Shield, which WAS given to Isz Prospectors.... Well, perhaps he doesn't value his safety at ALL. Damian, on the other hand, has a shield, a long range weapon, a healing bell, and three long range attack tools. They are opposites, doing the same job! I think it'd make a cool slice of life fanfic - Damian and Gremia being a fun (dys)functional duo of explorers, just deeply resenting each other but also saving each others' asses by balancing one another out!

Unpopular opinion: He is still alive when we summon him, he is in Byrgenwerth and grew hostile with his friend Julie/Yurie, he did not die and we just summon his spirit ;-; Please I just KNOW it, Damian is ALIVE in the game' events ;-;

Favorite relationship: I love him and Micolash so much <3 If only Edgar x Micolash did not take the spot of my OTP, that'd be Damian and Micolash <3 But Damian to Micolash is what Julie is to Rom, or what Brador is to Laurence, for that matter. Except, unlike other two "sidekicks", Damian would be the more reasonable one to detract, seeing they can't help their loved person out of spiralling insanity... But they were close for a long while, and I am dwelling on that period, a lot.

Favorite headcanon: I actually stealeded it from Saintmic and it is mine now: Damian was sort of biology professor, whose research and knowledge came up very handy to study phantasms and other weird creatures Byrgenwerth found. And he had a vivarium full of creatures, that Rom loved to find more abominations for xd It is an interpretation mistake of Damian being late for the battle because of a glitch since Henryk and Madaras Twin do that too, but I started to think 'lol he is late for battle because he is afraid of spiders' and it stuck... Sooooo he is not so happy when Rom brings him cool giant spider she found xD

---------------------------

Thank you for the ask!! Really unusual characters this time

[jackolanternteeth]

I am cringe.. But I am free.

UHMN... Okay so I made him up a family tree because I've been thinking about his niece a lot. And the fact he still seems on good terms with her even if it was a super brief mention. D2b family HCs?! 🤯

I ALSO COLOUR CODED IT BASED ON WHAT I THINK HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM WOULD BE (AS A RESULT OF NO LONGER BEING STEVEN) I DON'T EVEN KNOW DON'T QUESTION ME

I also wanted to.. Uhmn.. Explain each relationship he has with these family members but just to clarify let me explain the colours more-!

Green || A good relationship, hardly affected by him becoming Dr. Two-brains.

Orange || It's.. Ify. They don't really like him anymore, nobody down right hates him. It's more pity, and distancing themselves from him because of how much he's changed and or because of his crimes.

Yellow || Complicated! They're noticeably affected by the change, but don't dislike him like the oranges. Very concerned. Don't really view his crimes as his.

// FAMILY DYNAMICS / RELATIONSHIPS //

Dad – His dad and him were fairly close when he was Steven, not exactly best buddies but they would talk normally and do stuff together on occasion. No hard feelings about anything. Probably bonded over science a lot when he was a kid. After Steven became Dr. Two-brains and began crimes he feels his son is well. What he is. A criminal. Not taking into account the reasons why, and not having the willingness to reach out to who his son used to be. He wants him imprisoned, for an actual normal amount of time, and for him to stop his life of crime after completing the sentencing. And come back to them. As Steven. Of course they all want Steven back, but he's the least accepting of the new identity.

Mom – He also had a normal relationship with his mother, maybe a bit closer because I imagine her the type to coddle. She misses Steven deeply, and doesn't really understand who or what Dr. Two-brains is. Finding interaction with him awkward and uncomfortable but not wanting to abandon her son for an incident/experiment gone wrong. Tries to talk to him normally, but there's a difference. And they both know it.

Sister – his only sibling! I think they were very very close siblings, and still are, she obviously misses her brothers old ways but does her best to ignore the change and it doing a better job than their mother. They hang out, talk, and still interact like family. Where as others act more as though he's a stranger. Reminds him of a lot of old memories to try to keep that side of him going.

Brother in law – they didn't really know one another beforehand, they had met, but not bonded. His brother in law worries having a criminal around his children, despite Two-brains displaying absolutely zero threat to them it is understandable. Avoids him but will talk to him if interacted with. I feel like he calls d2b “buddy” in a really condescending way. His sister has told him about what he used to be like and he believes her but it doesn't help.

Niece and Nephew – Good! In canon he seems to be on a good relationship with his niece, given the mention of her graduation being a normal thing. I imagine the same for his nephew who is younger than his niece. They remember how he was before, they think Steven is more fun. But are both worried in their own ways.

Uncle – I think our resident weird uncle had a weird uncle of his own! Had to learn the trade from someone. Dynamic is about the same as his mother, but a but more open and joking with d2b. Also trying to keep his memories intact.

Cousin – they were friends beforehand, not best buds that talked a lot but they had an okay relationship. Now the cousin is a bit scared of him but tries to uphold the positive memories and realizes that he can still be normal sometimes.

As for Dr. Two-brains himself he feels bad for creating a noticeable shift in his family and loves them all, still acting like their family member. Just a very different one. Squeaky doesn't like them, I imagine, but Steven over powers in this regard.

[goldenworldsabound]

OKAY so anyway that aside I also forgot to mention my husband and I will be starting to watch Star Trek Discovery.

Many of you are new here and will not know that Spock is the OG fave for me. TOS Spock specifically. When I self shipped in high school (I wrote so. much. fic. in my diary. loved that for me, helped me cope so good) it was Spock and Spock only. Everyone in my life knew I was obsessed with him. And you know what? I knew SO MUCH about TOS. Grown ass men tried to gatekeep my high school self and got fucking schooled by me. I knew everything there was to know about Vulcan.

I don't, anymore. It's been some time. But Spock still holds the SPECIALEST place in my heart even though I haven't talked about him much later. I did revamp our ship a few years ago - or rather, made a new version since I'm too attached to the original but wanted something more...mm...more like how I make my ships now, I guess? The original one was a straight isekai - due to time travel shenanigans I end up on the Enterprise and Spock and I fall in love (I knew it was him though like there was still Star Trek on TV and all that so fdksjahf). It was really helpful to me at the time and honestly it could fully happen with how TOS tends to be. Time travel is par for the course KJFHEWKFHW that one was "Love is Fascinating".

The new one is "Across Time and Space" and also came with me shipping with Kirk as well ("Solar Flare Love") and naturally the poly (cause how can you be a fan of TOS and not ship Spirk (I'm joking but like also it's truly iconic and important for popularizing slash fic)) which is "Interwoven Stars".

And that one I am QUITE proud of what I came up with. Beneath the cut.

In the new lore, Spock and I grow up together on Vulcan. We're really close. I'm not a Vulcan - I wasn't born there, and I've lived on a multitude of planets since they've moved for their jobs a lot. I'm a human. But we stay on Vulcan the longest of any of them. Spock and I, accidentally and unbeknownst to us, sort of form a childish and ill-formed Bond. A telepathic one, as Vulcans do. We don't realize this and no one else does either.

Eventually, I have to move away. It sucks. No one liked that.

Somewhere along the way, something goes super wrong during our travels. My parents die and I'm cryogenically frozen for several years. I'm eventually rescued and revived but...well my family is dead now. Oops.

I go into Starfleet, several years behind Spock.

Which puts us in this position that my first assignment is the Enterprise. And Spock is the Enterprise's Science Officer. And I am reporting directly to him.

We recognize each other!!! It's exciting.

Unfortunately. Spock has realized that we have this awkward incomplete bond. And once we've taken off he determines that, well, he's engaged, so, he's gotta break this off. And he does. And omg it fucking hurts. For both of us. Our minds have been in contact for so long. He's always been with me even if I didn't realize it. So I'm. Upset.

There's a shore leave right then (which is why he waited until then to do it) and I go to that and am Hella Depressed and LO AND BEHOLD Kirk and Bones are like ? We're adopting you as our friend now. You WILL have fun and that IS a threat.

So now I'm besties with the CAPTAIN and the doctor. And Bones and I bond real fucking fast I tell you fkjdhsakjf Kirk thinks I'm cute but like he's well aware of the power dynamic so he's not trying to make a move.

Anyway I don't tell either of them what happened.

Over time I think it just becomes apparent that Spock and I have feelings for each other/are awkward, and Bones gets on me about it like, "you and the green-blooded hobgoblin should just get together already" and I brush him off a bunch until I finally snap about how we can't cause he's engaged. He's very sympathetic after that.

Kirk and I are also somewhat awkwardly on and off trying out dating (with an open relationship) which is like. I like him!!! He likes me!!! But we also both like Spock and it's just...tense and awkward at times?

the whole Pon Farr thing will happen and then Spock is free to...to choose me fkjdhsakjfhdsak and we'll rebond and stuff. And Kirk is like, "congrats" all awkwardly thinking he's out of the picture now. But Spock and I will invite him into our relationship after some time of getting to know each other again!!!

so yeah that was a lot fkjsadhfkjds but that's the basic premise. I love Spock a lot-

[dorianepin]

the thing is that the stars make their awkward beautiful incomprehensible earnest family narratives so easy.... like if you took roope and plopped him in another team it'd be much easier to construct nolpat-esque Gender narratives about him but he's like, categorically not like that... and his entire emotional state relies on MIRO and the rest of finnmaf, and he and robo are like telepathically connected despite having never spoken to each other off the ice... and it's just like GAHHH. like not only is top line called PAVS AND SONS and pavs is housing "he's only 19!!!" wyjo who burst into the league as a rookie out of the o, johnny and stanks also have so much team canada history and now ARE ROOMING TOGETHER IN HIS HOUSE... also in a lot of ways it feels like this is going to be joe's last year/chance at a cup run, and to think that top line is already being experimented with and reshuffled and wyjo is learning to blend into pavs's spot when pavs has passed so much of his work ethic & tangible components of his skill set to 211053 alike.. ;__; there are so many Threads to it but there is also this very positive sense of influence + legacy that is enabled by the mixed dynamics of the team, like 1491's contracts are what they are but we don't have any true Kid Lines because the veterans are capable of elevating the games of young players around them while still contributing specifically to the team in their own right - how many teams have a player like 39 y/o tip master joepavs AND a 5'6 kid straight out the dub who pummeled the ahl for half a szn and then was called up and immediately started cooking with the other young gun. not to mention robotter coming up the ranks tgt + our backup goalie being serviceable and integrated into the Loser Guy social fabric + BUT ALSO how the Loser Guy society is primarily represented by a boring straight edge catdad from california who also just happens to be the team's most complete forward and their most visible star player and and and ... and then 279195 are there lol

tl;dr i'm stars paen 😔

[marshmallowprotection]

Here's a dynamic I dont see often; we all love the classic "V route but you're in love with Ray" but what about your interactions with Saeyoung during that 2 year gap when you both you've lost Saeran forever? Is he angry in some small misdirected way that we couldn't save his brother, or is all his rage at Rika? Are things awkward for a while? Or do we find some solace in our shared grief? So many platonic Saeyoung opportunities!!

He was on the cusp of taking his life before Jumin stepped in. He had the fight of his life trying to figure out what his purpose was without his brother. It wasn’t like V told him his brother was okay.

You also think Ray is dead because you spoke to him in his “last” moments and V never told you, either. You’re both in a place in this world where you think Ray is dead and there’s nothing that can be done to change that. He’s gone. He can’t come back. There’s too much grief for the two of you to deal with in that regard.

It was far easier for him to fixate on Rika. He saw V hold himself accountable and try to do something so it’s less of an anger towards him, and more of the hatred against her. It’s why he decided to go after her instead of turning all his attention to V, or V and Rika. Saeyoung’s able to say to himself, “Rika took his life by making him hack and build a bomb, the very bomb that killed him, she’s the one that i need to get rid of.”

As opposed to thinking about V’s failure to do something in the midst of that drama.

But, why do you think Saeyoung would blame you? You were helpless in all of this. You tried to help everyone from your position. It’s not your fault that his twin is dead. He can’t fault you for something that was out of your control. You were a person dragged into this against your will and you did everything you could to do something for his family, the RFA. You couldn’t have stopped a bomb.

There was no way that you could’ve told Saeyoung what was happening on the phone and gave him some time to stop it.

The bomb was already set to explode right after the call ended. The cabin and Mint Eye are not close at all. There was no chance. Saeyoung knows that you feel survivor’s guilt... he feels it, too. If anything, the two of you get the chance to talk and grieve over this supposed loss you share those two years when there’s a chance to see Saeyoung face to face. It might be awkward at first, but he will eventually crack and come to you since he knows you knew “who Saeran was near the end.”

He needed to know what he was like.

And, maybe you need to know what Saeran was like as a kid.