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sunflowerwizard · 8 days

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We Don't Talk About Abdel: the ""Canon"" Gorion's Ward and Why I Hate Him

If you've only played Baldur's Gate 3 you may have heard of Abdel Adrian. The Hero of Baldur's Gate, late Grand Duke, and Bhaalspawn who died, badly.

There is, unfortunately a lot you might not know. Spoilers ahead for the original Baldur's Gate, Baldur's Gate 2: Shadows of Amn, and Baldur's Gate 2: Throne of Bhaal. And their shitty novelizations you should not read.

Your choices matter. Allegedly.

There are many ways to handle continuity in a series of choice-heavy RPGs with custom main characters. There's the approach the original Fallout games did, by setting the second installment long enough after the first, that your player character can be vaguely alluded to without much friction. There's the Bioware approach, of uploading your save data from previous games to slightly effect the world in the next one. And then there's the Baldur's Gate series, which splits the difference and makes the worst of both worlds: a century has past and there's no cheeky vagueness to transplant your own player character as the Hero of Baldur's Gate. It is Abdel Adrian's world and we are merely living in it.

I'd argue there's one thing that very clearly separates a Commander Shepherd from an Abdel Adrian, and that's serving a role in a game that lines up with the story being told.

What's the deal with Bhaalspawn?

I'd like to get one thing out of the way first. Bhaalspawn =/= The Dark Urge. I only mention this because I've seen some people assume all Bhaalspawn operate on the "sleeper cell turbo murderer" framework that the DU does. The majority of the first Baldur's Gate game, the player character themself doesn't know they're in any way unusual. You get ominous dream sequences as the story progresses, up until the Big Reveal.

At which point, one of the themes reveals itself: nature versus nurture. Your PC is a 20-something year old young adult who lived inside a walled town, and had their entire support system torn away the second they left. Unless you've chosen to roleplay that way, they may not have ever felt a particular inclination towards violence. This is in stark contrast with Big Bad, your half-brother Sarevok whose upbringing was filled with struggle and violence.

It's even more apparent in Throne of Bhaal, when you're confronted with it outright: what if your places had been switched? Maybe you would've committed even more atrocities than your half-brother.

We now have to talk about the books. Unfortunately. Canonically the novelization of Baldur's Gate is the origin of Abdel Adrian. He is Philip Athans' brainchild and there's fuck all we can do about it. Unless I get a word of god response from Wizards of the Coast or story beats are directly contradicted in other BG-related media that has come out since, I am treating the events of the books as canon.

A narrative treadmill of a character arc

The game starts out in relatively bog-standard hero's journey fashion. It's morning in Candlekeep, you're leaving home for the very first time with your adoptive dad, and he's been very cagey about the details other than "we need to leave, I'll explain later."

Abdel Adrian, has already left Candlekeep at the start of the novel. He's already in his mid-twenties, and has been traveling the Sword Coast as a sword-for-hire for nearly a decade (presumably cornering the child soldier market). He also really likes killing people, hence his line of work. The big inciting incident with Gorion happens because he sent Abdel a letter about needing to talk, at which point Sarevok shows up, kills Gorion, who tells Abdel to seek out Jahiera and Khalid with his dying breath.

I'll break down my issues with this point by point. -Abdel is very clearly not a level 1 character. Perhaps this is a petty point, but isn't half the fun of this style of fantasy story watching the protagonist grow in skill, until they can eventually face off against the seemingly indomitable Big Bad? Spoiler: Abdel is already at the peak of his Swordsmanship Power™ and we will not see any growth on that front.

-What are the stakes, actually? We went from "everything I know and love has been torn away from me. I'm a level 1 adventurer in a big, dangerous world and cannot go home." to "I'm a big tough fighterman with a penchant for murder who's going to avenge the father figure the book tell-not-shows you I cared about" Like my previous point, we have no baseline, no sense of what the main character has truly lost. I'm much less interested in watching someone start from the middle and fight their way to the top, than seeing someone from rock bottom getting there.

-His Bhaalspawn heritage manifests itself as murdergremlin tendencies. If you've not encountered a player with murdergremlin tendencies while playing a ttrpg, you've almost certainly heard horror stories about them. The guy who loves to escalate encounters into combat, who threatens and maims because "it's what my character would do" and often times view themselves as the main character.

If that sounds exhausting, this is the character whose head we're trapped inside. A guy whose two big motivators are murder and sex, whose external moral compass is his love interest (Jahiera deserved better). AND EVEN THEN by the end of the second book, the only growth he has experienced as a character is "maybe sometimes I won't murder everyone who makes me angry" when he just point-blank refuses to kill the antagonist of BG2. Oh, but not before he had sex with and violently murdered the other main antagonist who was also a woman.

"Okay the books are awful, but why be angry at Abdel?"

Because by virtue of WOTC continuing to use "Abdel Adrian" as THE Hero of Baldur's Gate and a canon character, those books are still canon. SOME elements had to be retconned for being incongruent with the games (did I mention in the first novel Abdel leaves Khalid to die during a fight in the first novel?) but otherwise? I've seen no revisions to his base character. And now every piece of Baldur's Gate media is built on this shitty, rotten foundation.

Are these points somewhat petty? Yes! Either Wizards should've come up with an entirely new stand-in Bhaalspawn to wash the shit taste of those novelizations out of everyone's mouths, or they should've written future material to only vaguely allude to BG 1&2's protagonist. The Bhaalspawn saga was wrapped up perfectly fine in Throne of Bhaal. Either he should've stayed dead with Cyric taking on his domain, or find another way to bring him back. Abdel Adrian having .0001% Bhaal Juice still in his blood and thus turning into The Slayer is a "Somehow, Palpatine returned" way of doing it.

On the off chance anyone is morbidly curious about the terrible novels, me and some pals did a live-reading not too long ago. If this post gets 100 notes I will make a Greatest Hits compilation of terrible moments. Spoiler: one of them includes the "spider in her cleavage" scene.

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #Baldur's Gate #twilitalks #if anyone has sources for more things from the books being retconned please share them #I would love nothing more than to be wrong on the ''parts of the book are still canon'' point

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skeptiquewrites · 8 months

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20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thank you for the tag @tackytigerfic (here) and @maesterchill (here). Emerging from my post illness hidey hole.

How many works do you have on ao3?

32, a number that both seems too large and smaller than I thought

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

254,835. Wild.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mostly HP, although once in a while I peek over at other fandoms. And I have a joint Check Please fic in the works.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

All Drarry. None really surprised me but the final one, I hadn't realized it climbed that far up the kudos. Huh. 1. Yours Truly - my romcom fic about Harry feeling left out when everyone's coupled up, telling a lie that gets out of control, and also how hot magical ecology is 2. Home Truths - my Quidditch fic about the complications of fame, love of the game, Harry finding out who his family was and letting himself fall in love 3. Special Affinity - how quickly one can justify fucking one's coworker given a bonding spell while having no idea if the feelings part is reciprocal 4. Winner Takes It All - Draco feeling caught in impossible circumstances, working too much, caregiving for a parent, and how small kindnesses can mean the world 5. A Little Time - mistaken for a couple, forced proximity, Healer school, and everyone in a small town hating you and all your friends on sight

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I love responding to comments, but it takes me a while. I read every single one, and I try to wait until I have the time and energy to respond with something thoughtful. I'm months behind at this point.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I'm a fairly happy ending sort of person. I tend to go more for straight angst for drabbles and micros. Maybe Beside Manner? They're formerly bonded and dealing very badly with the dissolution.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Oh, gosh, most of them. I'm most enamoured by the Big Damn Kiss at the end of Home Truths. I love No Distance because Harry and Draco are very much in love and not able to hide it. I am particularly fond of the end of Winner because I was able to leave Draco in a very good place that felt right for the fic.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not really I think. I get the occasional rude bookmark rating. Once, a very unpleasant person who sent lots of hate for months over a fairly inconsequential aspect of a fic. And then there have been a few comments where it's clear the reader wanted me to write a different fic, which I don't really take that personally. Nice comments far outweight the negative.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Not much. Tender, expressive, evocative. Light on details mostly.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I am not a crossover person.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think anyone has ever tried.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes. Two by the wonderful Bluebubbling which I was thrilled by.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I've always wanted to. I'm trying my hand with another fandom, but one day.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Drarry. It just hits different.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I'm one of those people who has a dozens of ideas. I think I'm unlikely to finish my Veela!Harry fic, I just don't think I have the range. I have yet to successfully write and finish a PWP. Would be thrilled to finish some of my rare pairs.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Hmmm. I think dialogue, efficiency, and atmosphere.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

More complicated or mystery-oriented plots, the mid-level between an ensemble cast and an intimate chamber piece, anything with significant length, spending lots of words on one scene.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

One of my ideas about writing is that not everything has to be maximally accessible to all to be an authentic expression in a fic. If that's what fits or feels right, go for it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

You know, I found out the answer for sure recently, and I will be keeping that information to myself. Highly embarrassing and yet formative. Let your imagination do the rest.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Winner Takes It All. Exactly what I intended, turned out beautifully. Some of my favourite writing.

tagging @magpiefngrl @lettersbyelise @lqtraintracks @quicksilvermaid @goblinmatriarch @teledild0nix @boxboxlewis and anyone else who is interested

#about writing

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ask-de-writer · 9 months

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Return to the Master Story Index

Return to CLASSICAL FANTASIES

THE FISHERMAN'S LEG (Part 9 of 20)

A sequel to Dee 1/2 Demon

De Writer (Glen Ten-Eyck)

7763 words (work in progress)

TUMBLR EXEMPTION

Blog holding members of Tumblr.com may freely reblog this story provided that the title, author and copyright information remain intact, unaltered, and are displayed at the head of the story.

Fan art, stories, music, cosplay and other fan activity is actively encouraged.

~~ ~~ ~~ ~~

New to the story? Read from the beginning HERE.

~~ ~~ ~~ ~~

Later, at the Minami house, Fisherman Minami closed his eyes and took a deep breath before saying anything. Carefully, he bowed his head and apologized to his wife. “Tanira san, I am deeply ashamed of my behavior towards you this day. I can only say that I am used to being the one taking in catch from the other boats and was upset at seeing you and those girls from over at the Shop of Repairs doing it. You do know that they are spies for the evil ones in that shop, do you not?”

Tanira nodded a bow thoughtfully as she replied, “Minami san, I will accept your apology. That you were very upset at the turns of events lately is obvious. I did also expect you to say that last.

“If Minara and Takahara are spies, still, we owe them much. I took the Fish Market as a complete settlement for the golden cash that you stole from my dower rights. Looking at its books, I made a very bad deal. Without the help of those girls, I would not have earned enough to pay for the fish that we got today.

“Even if I tried your criminal trick of only paying for fish after it is sold, the Market's earnings would have been only a few of copper cash. With their alert and pleasant attitudes, they drew in many customers that would have passed us by. Because of them, we earned two of silver cash and three strings sixteen of copper cash after all costs including buying the fish at dockside.”

Slipping a bit from courtesy, Minami snapped, “And then you went to dine with those evil ones!”

“Minami san! After a long day of hard work, Ichuru san and I were invited to share a free dinner in pleasant company!

“On the dock you crowded to the head of the queue in front of those there first! You rudely called me 'woman!' and demanded over three times the value of your catch in front of all the fishermen! You were so completely rude that your own crew threw you into the water for some peace so that they could settle the value of the catch.

“You left such a sour ending to an otherwise excellent day that when Ichuru san and I were offered a pleasant meal in happy surroundings, YES, we took it at once!

“When we came out to come home, you ruined even that! If you are what is good and they are evil, I will take the evil at once!”

Her shoulders slumped and she began to weep. “I am sorry, Minami san. This conversation has gone badly. I wish that you could see why.

“Would you like me to fix you some dinner?”

Minami paused, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. He noticed Ichuru quietly playing with his toy boat on the tatami mats of the floor and his face softened. “Yes, Tanira san, I would appreciate that.”

Taking the small victory of her husband's being courteous with her, she went to the kitchen and began to cook.

For a wonder, it was a quiet meal and when it was done, Minami helped her to clean up.

The next morning both Minami and Ichuru were absent, so she had a quiet breakfast and went to open the Fish Market. Both Minara and Takahara were waiting for her. They had not been idle. All of the sun shades were up and in their proper places. The little ice that had survived the night was waiting.

Takahara bowed politely in greeting and said sadly, “Poor Patsu san was right. There is a lock on the ice house door and a note saying that the key will cost you a cash of silver.”

Concern in face and voice, she asked, “Poor Patsu? What has happened?”

Both Minara and Takahara shook their heads in sorrow. “It was last night sometime, after the tide started to rise. One of Sabo's regular fishing boats, the Chrysanthemum of the Sea tried to fish in the waters near to Dry Island after dark. There is a strong tidal bore that comes out from between Dry Island and the Rocky Eyot. The sudden current caught them and pushed the boat onto some rocks sideways.

“It rolled over and three of the seven men on her drowned. Patsu came out to our dock first thing in the morning and found two of the bodies. In spite of being broken up, she saw the survivors on that dangerous rock beach on Dry Island. She took a small boat and some floats out.

“Not even our boats are safe near that beach. She let the floats out on a long line for them. She pulled all four of them to safety at our dock. On the way in, she found the last of the drowned men. She was really upset by that.

“The ones that she saved went and got a Constable to complain that she should have come for them in a bigger boat that they could ride in, instead of being towed in on floats.

“She had to explain that a bigger boat could not have got close enough to get the floats to them and then snapped that since they were that ungrateful for being saved, she was going to charge them for her work, equipment and time in the rescue.”

Both girls started to giggle. “She did too. Went straight to the Tribunal and filed her claim, pointing out in the bill that if they had not been ingrates and complained to a Constable, she would have charged them nothing.”

Nodding at the ending, and smiling some, Tanira pointed to their cart with the ice chest. “Takahara san, if you would, they told me yesterday that they would see me cared for with ice. Could you please go and get us some?”

Takahara took up the pull bar and trotted over to the Sabo's Better Fish Market. The women there laughed at the idea of Minami trying to blackmail his wife for the ice that she needed as they filled the cart with sparkling clean ice.

Soon the Fish Market was open. The three of them had loaded their display trays and were busily cutting fillets from fish that were still good but getting a little stale. The filets were going into openwork trays that were being put into the sun to dry for commercial trade to the back country areas, far from the sea. Along with those, they were setting up trays of sea water to evaporate for salt, also valuable in both Sabo and the back country.

Besides this happy industry, they were tending to a surprising number of customers! Word had gone out that Minami no longer ran the Fish Market and it was now busy.

In the midst of this, Minami and Ichuru came up from the dock area. Minami had a sourly triumphant lip curled half grin as he announced, “If you want to use the key to the ice house, you must pay me!” He was holding up the key. “It will only take a silver cash each time that you need it opened!”

Takahara snorted, “Really, Minami! You truly should use your eyes before opening your mouth!”

His eyes took in the trays of sparklingly clear clean ice! He instantly snapped, “Where did you steal this from!? You must have forced or picked my lock!”

Tanira had a grim smile of her own as she pointed to the key still upraised in his hand and nodded. Constable Canra who had come up unnoticed during Minami's outburst, plucked the key from his hand!

To be Continued

<==PREVIOUS ~~ NEXT==>

Return to the Master Story Index

Return to CLASSICAL FANTASIES

#THE FISHERMAN'S LEG #Part 9 of ?#Classical Fantasy #sequel to DEE 1/2 DEMON #WORK IN PROGRESS #Written by De Writer

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braintapes · 9 months

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wake up on a mortuary slab. immediately team up with a wisecracking floating skull who reads the Novel of scars carved into my back (not hyperbole) (why are there so many WORDS written on me). gotta accost some zombies to escape said mortuary because even though im alive the people running it would really much rather i be dead. like really dead they want me to be a corpse so badly. update my journal. encounter the ghost of a dead past lover in a really emotionally awkward encounter (for me. really painful for her) (i dont know who this lady is or what i did) (update my journal). escape the mortuary get a load of the shithole town which is actually supremely important hub governed by a goddess who sends you to a torture maze if you piss her off. look around town. see the town notice board (which is a corpse) (the corpse gives you directions by pointing if you say the name of a place). see a job ad. update my journal. get excited cause ill have something to do and some pocket change. see this as one of the 2 (two) obvious jobs available. read "able-bodied" like i didnt just wake up on a mortuary slab like 20 minutes ago (i am immortal so im fine but still). the job description is ridiculously vague. no salary listed/competitive wages. job interview takes place in a shitty bar. people posting the job are the same people that wanted me to be dead in the mortuary. update my journal. people in the city keep trying to kill me (unrelated to the other people of the same goal)

sigh and realize this crpg from 1999 is a relatively accurate description of what its like to be in your twenties or whatever. update my journal. continue onward.

#planescape torment

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trekkiepirate · 2 years

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I posted 317 times in 2022

49 posts created (15%)

268 posts reblogged (85%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@soundsfaebutokay

@wren-of-the-woods

@ruffboijuliaburnsides

@intheseautumnhands

@a-kind-of-merry-war

I tagged 262 of my posts in 2022

Only 17% of my posts had no tags

#joey batey - 67 posts

#the witcher - 45 posts

#jaskier - 26 posts

#the amazing devil - 23 posts

#yennefer - 17 posts

#madeleine hyland - 14 posts

#billy the kid - 11 posts

#other people's damn fine art - 7 posts

#adorable abby - 7 posts

#anya chalotra - 7 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#and i also just assume neil gaiman summoned dream and very politely and with due deference asked him if he wanted to play himself in a show

My Top Posts in 2022:

Okay but this time next week I will be IN LONDON!!!

I have been wanting to go to England and London literally all my life. I do not remember when I first wanted to go because I always have. And I am FINALLY GOING!

20 notes - Posted May 25, 2022

BETH. Beth Beth Beth. Joey Batey's soft, sad face and his soft, gentle voice will be my undoing. I am trying to watch Billy the Kid but I keep stopping to poke around at other things because he makes me wanna scream and it's midnight and I would wake the whole neighborhood. It's been an hour, Beth, and I'm only halfway through. Why am I like this. WHY IS *HE* LIKE THIS. I blame him for everything.

Oh my dearling, I am here for when you get to the end of the episode because if you are emotionally compromised NOW just wait until he's wrapped in a blankie and talking to his son about stars and crying I HAVE NOT RECOVERED YET and I watched it like a month ago!

20 notes - Posted April 28, 2022

🪄!

A LYRIC I AM NOT NORMAL ABOUT

Surprising no one, it's The Amazing Devil, SPECIFICALLY

Though some would harm you/ none not one no none/ would raise to you/a hand nor thumb/ not while by you/ I stand and hum

First of all, how dare Joey Batey. Second of all, the way the words flow just hits all the happiest places in my brain for sound. Thirdly, the context is just so damn sweet.

23 notes - Posted November 7, 2022

Bethhhhhhh you were right you were right in your predictions. Joey is Billy the Kid's dad. Have you seen this trailer yet? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Cw8v1CP9W0

I KNEW IT I BLOODY KNEW IT I SHALL CROW FOR THE REST OF TIME! (and bless you darling, I hadn’t seen it yet)

Also yep, hence the beard and also EXCUSE ME SIR IRISH ACCENT and I mean, I know his dad dies (and Joey’s only in the first episode) but also HOW DARE THEY KILL OFF MY BEST BELOVED JAIL JAIL FOR THE WILD WEST FOR 1000 YEARS

26 notes - Posted February 3, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Heath Ledger was fine too.

On his multimillion dollar set with all the cast and crew around him.

Good to know that the world hasn't changed. People still think showing concern for mens' mental health and wellbeing is "infantilizing".

Thanks for showing how little the fandom cares beyond making Jaskier fuck Geralt.

I wasn't going to answer because your tone is very dismissive and very rude, truly I wasn't. But you hit a sore spot.

I AM concerned for Joey's mental health, broadly. He has admitted to (and wrote even a song about) being socially Anxious and I think he may also deal with Depression. So I am worried for him because I know how those conditions can badly affect people, particularly men who are seen as lesser for having and admitting to mental illness(es). If I even vaguely SUSPECTED he was hurt or mistreated on set I'd be at the forefront of the Anger Riot, believe me. But I do not know him personally, so I cannot speak to how things affect him on a day to day level. And Nonny, neither can you. We are fans. We are not his friends or his caretakers. We are outsiders to his life and should take HIS word for how he is treated.

But I also believe Joey was NOT mistreated nor was his mental health irrevocably damaged from filming this scene. Was he shaken because being tied up is strenuous and playing someone being tortured is a mental mind fuck? Yes, of course, he admits that. But he is an amazing actor and yes, it can take time to return from the dark places one's mind can go, especially for a scene like that. But he came back. He came back and moved on and did his next scenes and finished filming and moved on to further projects and is probably preparing for season 3 as we speak. And moreover, he's DONE IT BEFORE. Yes, he's new to a recurring role on large scale shows like The Witcher but Joey has been working at a decent clip since before he left Cambridge, both on stage and screen.

He has a torture scene in Wolf Hall/Bring Up The Bodies, the play he did right out of drama school (and where the gods saw fit to introduce him to Madeleine Hyland and thus brighten not only their own lives but all ours). I have heard it, he SCREAMS. He cries, he sounds very very NOT OKAY. But y'know what? He was. Joey has done death scenes and stunts and has played characters in very dark mental places. So doing a physically and mentally and emotionally demanding scene is not new to him. And he did it on a set full of people that Joey specifically mentions multiple times in multiple interviews as being supportive of him, looking after him. He mentioned having panic/anxiety attacks (I believe anxiety but cannot recall exactly which rn) and that his friends and colleagues on The Witcher were incredibly supportive and kind to him. I place his own words about his experience as closer to the truth of the matter than people who are misconstruing what sounds like a scary situation to them, out of context. That's why I made the post, to give context to how these sorts of things usually go.

Are there still sets where an experience like this was probably the worst of an actor’s life? Yes, of course, we know this. But it is not the majority and I cannot believe that was the case here.

I cannot speak to Heath Ledger's experience, I wasn't engaged enough to read all his interviews the way I do Joey's. Though I was shocked and utterly heartbroken when he died. As I was with Robin Williams. As I was when I learned how River Phoenix and Jonathan Brandis died, after the fact. I think caring about men's mental health is GREAT and necessary and bloody important and that more people SHOULD care. But I think creating issues where there were none is not the way to go about it.

Lastly, honestly at this point I'm more on the Yennskier train. I can separate what I WANT from what the show GIVES because that's the point of fandom and fic. Going "Okay but WHAT IF these characters DID kiss?" But this isn't about shipping. It's not about pitting characters or ships or actors or people against each other. This is about how people are overly worrying about Joey's mental health and not Anya's. Or Freya's even. Both had dark mental places to go this season (and last season), both had physically taxing scenes. Anya was also restrained in a torture scene this season, but no one drew a comparison even though it is easy to make. No one asked if she was okay. No one worried she was mistreated they way some folks have claimed Joey was.

I think it boils down to some people want to hate the show and the people who make it, but not hate Joey. So if they can say Joey was mistreated (and I truly, TRULY believe he was not) on set or by the show then they can justify being a fan of his while hating on a show he SPECIFICALLY calls the best job he's ever had. Where he mentions again and again that he was supported by everyone: cast, crew and creatives.

So, I do think it is infantilizing to dismiss His Own Words because they don't fit the idea some folks have formed of who he is or how he is treated on set. I would highly recommend reading this interview: https://boysbygirls.co.uk/conversations/joey-batey (done AFTER FILMING) as it is a very in-depth and revealing one about who Joey really is and how he operates in the world and how he finds his equilibrium when it's thrown off, whether by work or life in general. He has a good support system, Madeleine of course and he mentions his sisters. He has good coping mechanisms, creating music and writing and building furniture apparently that was a new one. :) I think he has one of the healthiest perspectives on life I have ever heard and I think it has taken him years and support and work to get there for himself. And I am very glad he seems to be doing so well in his life. Because I want him to be happy and healthy.

Joey was and is fine. Your concern about him is good! Caring about him is good! Your misplaced anger is not good.

61 notes - Posted January 21, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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jeglaerenorsk · 2 years

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Small or long update 😂.

3rd trimester in my pregnancy now. Emotionally & physically it's a rollercoaster daily. I might cry, might get angry, annoyed, sad, happy, content, at peace, worried, all of it.

School started in late August - I have still now September 11th not started with math, been busy with pregnancy & birth preparations & getting baby stuff. I am now almost 2 chapters behind. It worries me but I'm thinking today is the day.

My teacher sent a message on Friday that she's worried I'm falling too far behind (me too girl). So pray for me that I can learn this well and get good grades so I can finish before baby girl comes.

And yeah, it's a girl 💗👑🩰☺️🧸.

Still stressed about not being sure about name... I have like maybe 20 items left to get and still to pack hospital bag and have birth plan meeting this week, birthing classes I have tons of this month and next. Yoga I can start today, have both yoga and Pilates tomorrow.

I have still not started cooking for the food to have ready for after birth.

And I still haven't finished a plan for my mental health at hospital. After I think it's fine, I have 2 friends that I'm sure of will be there, then I have 2 other I'm a little bit unsure of but they say they will come and help. I have found a place my dog can stay 1 week. Still haven't found anyone to walk here 🥴. I have the plans in order to get car ready for winter and baby. Apartment is 70% ready, just because I want to fix it ready for Christmas I say 70%.

I have some ideas for after birth, like the first 4-5 months. But I'm mostly anxious about how will my mental health go. How will I be able to handle setting boundaries with my family when I know they will react badly and how can I prevent me getting hurt... Logically I know it's the right thing. But I know their words will hurt me. And I'm also so excited/anxious to see my baby's mood and personality. Like who are you? Are you like I imagined?

Also the fact that everything will get more expensive makes me a little bit more worried. But I also try to remind myself, God is good, God provides, I got what I need and God made us creative.

I have to plan even more to really feel like I got this 🙈....

My fear is that she will run after birds when she can run and my biggest fear is birds so what am I supposed to do. I scream and a part inside of me dies when me and my dog needs to go besides the swans 😭😭😭😭. So seriously, I know it's too early to worry about it. But I don't want her to have fear because of me but also, for God's sake stay away from the birds🙏🙏🙏. Even with my friends, I get heart attack if they walk too near.

Probably i will say we can see them from distant and blah blah "they're nice huh". 😂😭😂. (because calling birds devils probably isn't good mothering 🙈even if that's what I feel🥴).

And yeah, language working is going shit too, same as with school. So please send positive thoughts and prayers.

I want to take language classes, first start at home with the baby for language training and then maybe in fall next year stay 3 months in Spain or France or Italy. Arabic will still be introduced to her since my friends speak it, Spanish because I have family that speaks it, Swedish and Norwegian because of we speak it in our family and English because I use it so much. Italian and French we will see.. But I haven't decided where it's best to go with both baby and dog and of course the money is number 1 factor. Rent and electricity/AC/heating/car.

But its a dream and idea, and maybe it will not happen.

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beyondthetemples-ooc · 1 year

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I started like... mildly crying 20 minutes ago and I haven’t stopped.

It’s equal parts Good Feelings and Bad Feelings! But it’s a lot of feelings.

tl;dr helping a friend made me emotional, my stomach tormented me last night so I’m especially fragile, I’m insanely excited for QPP Moving Day TOMORROW!, and then I heard a leader in the org say “I celebrate the person sitting in your seat” and a bunch of other really loving, gentle, appreciative things and I realized how badly I NEED TO HEAR THAT, and how, for the longest time, I just didn’t.

Mild emetophobia warning for discussion of Feeling Bad, and emotional warning for what might amount to... childhood emotional neglect? Is that a thing?

I don’t know if I can ramble, my emotions are kinda threadbare right now. So, bullet points.

- I stayed up late last night to talk to a friend having a crisis. Staying up late alone wouldn’t have been a problem at all, I was happy to “make time” for sia! But

- RIGHT as I was falling asleep, my stomach hit me with Overwhelmingly Sick Feeling that escalated RAPIDLY, convinced me I was going to Be S*ck for 2-3 hours straight, and I was trying to fight the phobia down, I really was, but I couldn’t. I wound up laying there huddling and shivering, frantic for Literally Hours, until it finally decided to just feel sore instead, and I finally got to sleep.

( ^ That part is probably my own fault. I got Chipotle for dinner because I wanted to Do Things instead of cook yesterday, and Chipotle usually goes well. But then I ate the whole bowl AND the whole (small) bag of ships. Which I KNOW I shouldn’t do, my stomach can barely handle a SMALL meal! But I THOUGHT I was still hungry? And I felt fine, mostly just sleepy, Right Up Until 1-2 AM. And then it all hit me HARD.)

But even when it finally calmed down, emotionally I was in pieces. It Didn’t Actually Happen, but gods I really thought it was going to that whole time.

So between recovering from The Struggle Against Phobia Panic and not sleeping much, I’ve spent all day feeling low-energy and tired and wrung out.

So I’ve got this Emotional Torment right up alongside the “WILD INSANE EXCITEMENT AHHHH” because my QPP is moving in here TOMORROW, and I can’t believe it’s finally going to be REAL? We’re going to be here? Together? In this place that’s our own? We can see each other and hug each other and play games or watch movies together whenever our schedule allows? I can tell them goodnight in person?

I have so many starry-eyed feelings about this, I just. Fuck, man, it’s going to be life-changing.

And then I listened to a recording from a couple years ago. One of the leaders in the organization, probably one of my very favorite people to hear speaking, gave one of her heart-wrenchingly encouraging speeches. Encouragement wrenches MY heart, anyways. In a good way, but also in the way that makes me realize how starved I am for that kind of... just, love.

“I celebrate the person sitting in your seat.”

I’m just going to copy the relevant bits of the message I sent to my mentor and elaborate a little bit, because... I don’t have the energy to reword it, frankly.

I started crying a little at the part where she said "I celebrate the person sitting in your seat"...but I also think there's some underlying wounds that she speaks to. That part specifically made me feel so overwhelmingly loved and appreciated and part of the reason I started crying is because I don't feel that way very often. But I want to. I think everyone wants that, probably.

And I'm almost envious of her. I want so, so badly to learn how to edify and uplift and love on people the way she does.

It's especially hard because my love language is words of affirmation and I want to be able to give those words to people, but that's one of the times my throat just doesn't work and I struggle to get the words out. They're important and deeply felt, and for me big emotions are the hardest feelings to put words to. But I desperately WANT to. I want people to know I care.

But I want to learn how to give people those affirmations more often. And I don't think I don't do it at all, because last night a friend was going through a crisis and she called me and we talked for like an hour, and afterwards she said it helped so much, and today another friend...sent me a message saying they're having a hard time and could they please have some comfort, so obviously I'm making SOME kind of impact in peoples' lives. They must feel safe and loved if they come to me for help like that. But I forget that really easily.

This is probably one of those things that's going to come with practice, but do you have any tips for how to help people feel loved and appreciated? I'm not sure exactly HOW to practice telling people "I love you" and "I appreciate you". I haven't had many good examples of that being communicated in my life, so when I try to think of HOW to do it, I kinda just draw a blank.

Is it like that method you have about practicing feeling joy, where you notice the things that make you feel that way, and make notes of it, and then kind of take that and extend that to others? Or is this one of those things where you have to ask people point-blank, "What makes you feel loved and appreciated?" How do you shine that light and warmth on people?

All I want in life is to leave a positive mark on this world, and I think that's a pretty important way to do that.

But what I didn’t tell my mentor is, I spent ten minutes while I was trying to compose this message to feel my way through the pain that GL’s message brought up.

With the love I felt from it came the deep-aching realization that the reason it felt So Amazingly Impactful to me is because I don’t GET THAT much.

I so, so very RARELY am told “Thank you”, or “You made a difference”, or “I’m proud of you”.

That last one, I’m so desperate to hear that when my stepmother (OF ALL PEOPLE!) was drunk at my sister’s wedding reception and told me “I’m so proud of you”, I legitimately felt my eyes going wide and starry, and I tried to stop myself, but I couldn’t resist fishing deeper. “Really? For what?” (She didn’t have any specifications to that, unfortunately. “Just the person you are.” That’s news to me. It felt a little empty tbh.)

Like... I want to specify that my mother DOES tell me she’s proud of me, she encourages me, she compliments me, she gives me heartfelt praise and I can tell she really means it. But her and my mentor are probably my only source of that. I didn’t have those heartfelt conversations with her until I was about 19 years old. I wonder if maybe she didn’t know how to give me those shreds of affirmation, the same way I struggle to give them to people now?

Growing up, I essentially NEVER heard any kind of praise or thanks. The one and only thing people usually praised me for was “You’re so smart”, but even that was usually the backhanded-compliment prefix to a following “But if only you were better at being smart!” (Gifted kid complex, anyone?)

I used to write in my diary when I was in elementary school that “nobody loves me”. I wasn’t being melodramatic or exaggerating, that was genuinely what it felt like sometimes. I felt unappreciated and unloved. I would be told “Love you!” before bed and that was about it. I still drank up those 2-to-3 word statements and cried the one time my stepmother didn’t tell me that. But I was starved of any genuine praise rooted in sincere appreciation or pride or joy.

Maybe I got a “You did so well!” after doing a solo piece in a choir concert, or giving a speech at a school function. But when I stopped performing on a stage around age 12, I stopped getting even that.

That was when I started sharing my stories. When I started posting my fanfictions, I was so incredibly over-the-moon ELATED whenever someone posted a nice comment that I responded to Every Single Individual One with a private message giving them my heartfelt thanks. And if they were anonymous, I responded in the story’s next chapter.

And the thing that hurts so much about this NOW is... I desperately, really, truly, needfully Want to Tell People I Love and Appreciate Them. But I don’t have any examples. I don’t know how. I wasn’t taught the language of positivity growing up, and I wasn’t shown how to be vulnerable enough to be sincerely grateful and happy for someone.

I don’t want to make people feel unloved or unappreciated the way I felt growing up. I don’t EVER want someone to think I take their love for granted. I never, ever EVER want to make people think they’re unworthy or failures or even just “nothing special”. Especially the people I love.

One of my biggest “angst” points when I was a kid relentlessly controlling my emotions was lamenting that the people around me felt unloved. I thought that was my own fault. I didn’t realize that’s something you’re taught, just like sewing and cooking and writing. I thought I was broken somehow, that I had permanently removed my own ability to feel and show love.

That wasn’t the case. That wasn’t EVER the case. I never stopped being compassionate; I never stopped holding my friends very near and dear to my heart. I never (well, almost never) became cruel. I always had love, it just felt trapped inside me. I didn’t know how to release it.

I still don’t. And that makes me sad because the people in my life, even the random people I talk to on the street, deserve to feel loved and deserve to know they’re appreciated and important and deserve that genuine connection. They deserve encouragement and praise.

And the people I love most... My boyfriend, my friends, my mother? I so, so desperately mourn for the fact that I can’t bear my whole heart. I don’t know how to share the immense well of love with them when it’s locked up.

I wish I knew how to tell people, “I love and appreciate you.”

I’m trying to learn, but it doesn’t feel like it’s enough. Does it matter? Does it make a difference? Do people know I love them?

(Don’t try to eliminate all emotion from yourself for 10+ years, kids. It makes you insecure about what you show, what you CAN show, and it makes it harder to connect with the hearts around you.)

There was more, it is a deep wound, but I’m running out of steam... I might be all cried out now. I’m not sure.

Anyways, I’m going to go catch up on Broken Youth because I don’t know what to do with these emotions and maybe that’ll make me cry more and get it out.

#don't reb|og or you're getting blocked please. thank you.#rhs build the dream #rhs personal posts #digital mirrorbooking #rhs emotion

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call-me-quill · 2 years

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I posted 65 times in 2022

That's 65 more posts than 2021!

30 posts created (46%)

35 posts reblogged (54%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@cdelphiki

@maychorian

@goldkirk

@call-me-quill

@hollyhock13

I tagged 50 of my posts in 2022

Only 23% of my posts had no tags

#my fic - 23 posts

#fic drop - 15 posts

#fic tidbits & quill ribbits - 8 posts

#tim and jerry - 7 posts

#momgoose - 4 posts

#spoilers - 4 posts

#inspired by - 3 posts

#you are my sunshine - 3 posts

#quill does a frog blog - 2 posts

#ive got a lot written i just have a lot more to write - 1 post

Longest Tag: 111 characters

#teeth gritted as i patch together two half written chapters and make them into fully written complete chapters:

My Top Posts in 2022:

a fluff snippet for my shifter au appears! (i tried to write fluff. did i succeed? maybe. there is a bit of angst. but it’s mostly supposed to be fluff!)

5 notes - Posted October 30, 2022

I wrote a fic!

It is not the toafr sequel, which I am supposed to be working on, and it is not even the vampire au I got distracted by and have been writing for the past couple weeks.

But here's a fic!

6 notes - Posted October 17, 2022

Sneak peek isn’t the right word here, but maybe we’ll call this a teaser trailer for a momgoose one shot fic I’m working on.

Maybe if someone can correctly guess which Wayne child created this powerpoint slide, I’ll post a snippet of the fic ;)

13 notes - Posted October 3, 2022

I do not draw much, but I am trying to fight back against my perfectionist tendencies and do it more, because I'd rather draw badly and have fun than never draw bc I fear it won't be good.

So that disclaimer about my art abilities out of the way...

I drew shifter Jason from Fate Runs on Light Paws 🐾

51 notes - Posted July 20, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I just realized here is the Perfect Place to put all my most of these bats are cats character reference photos*

(*characters that have so far appeared on screen, some exclusions may apply ;) we'll have to see who else shows up)

SO!

Bruce, Maine Coon:

Dick Grayson, Bengal:

See the full post

56 notes - Posted September 25, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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protokirby · 21 days

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While I'm thinking about stuff, I'm gonna ramble.

Before the indigo disk came out, I had thought Crispin would be my favorite character out of it. I'm not even sure if I knew he's a fire type specialist at that time. I probably was oblivious to that, otherwise my pyrophobia would have gave him a bad first impression in my mind.

I did not expect for the guy with toothpaste hair to end up as my favorite. Or for toothpaste hair to end up in my top 5 and even stir up enough chaos to shove Leon off his throne (or rather, convince 3 other characters in my top 5 to do it while he sat in the back of the mindscape-throneroom and watched). Leon had been unmovable from the top 1 spot for a long time but now the characters in my top 5 randomly wander around between places. The mindscape-throneroom is a disaster zone. They never all stay in one spot. It's just Leon, Hop, Grusha, Ryuki, and Drayton (not in that order) being rambunctious in the mindscape-throneroom while everyone else in the mind-castle (that is, characters in places 6 through 20) does whatever else. Places 6 and 7 are the castle guards who stand at the door to the throne room. and hold on. Now that I think of it, Crispin has found more favor with the goblins than Volo and Raihan. (Raihan was 6th, Volo was 7th) Now Crispin is 6th and Raihan is 7th. Volo is 8th. What is the role of the 8th in the mind-castle? Idk. Court jester? That is a highly honorable position. Not as much so as being a castle guard, but in the mind-castle of chaos, court jester is a praise-worthy position. Commander of the silly. But that's not technically protecting the royalty directly ya know(?)

Anyhoo enough about whatever that is.

I have had this image as my desktop background for such a long time now, hoping it would influence my dreams. In the hug sort of way. Looks real cozy.

(it's all platonic, for clarification. 1. I don't experience romantic emotions. 2. I am repulsed by anything relating to the baby-making-act to the point I don't even say the proper word even though it's not even a swear word. 3. Most of the characters are minors so it would be seriously bad if it weren't platonic. 4. Plus that all is stuff taking place in dreams so - ya know -) If someone were to try and hug me irl, I believe I may panic and use my fingernails irresponsibly. Hugs in dreams are a different story. I crave them so badly that if I go too long without getting a hug from a beloved fictional character in a dream, I am more likely to be off my rocker. It's not pleasant.

The fictional characters who appear in my dreams can become friends with me and remember past adventures from other dreams like it's a continuing story. I don't know if that's a normal dream experience or not, but it really makes it feel like the characters are really my friends. There was a time I saw Grusha in a dream and I asked him to be my friend. He declined and that actually stung a little. I don't recall seeing him in a dream since then. Bro was serious.

Drayton and Crispin became my friends. I don't get to hang out with Drayton as much. I don't get to choose the location in dreams and I assume Drayton's laziness would get in the way of going to where I am most of the time. Based on experiences that I've had with Drayton, I'd still say that the friendship and trust is strong.

On the subject of the first and second part of this post combined with the part that showed the image of Drayton, I think it's hilarious that Crispin was the one who gifted me a hug dream before Drayton. It's also hilarious that during that hug dream, I was shapeshifted into Drayton during the hug (and the entire dream). Crispin knew it was me because of multiple reasons. I enjoyed the hug, for certain, but I still want a hug from Drayton too.

The rambling is Not Over.

When I look at Crispin, I feel some kind of surge of protective instincts(?) - like- his face is on a certain level of adorable. If someone were to hurt him, I think I might show a violent side I never had before, or if not, roar so loud the floor would vibrate. I have gotten that loud once- not on command, but if there's a trigger.

I think--- -If someone were dumb enough to hurt Crispin in front of me, that would be a trigger. But folks, I have a deranged mind. This is referring only to if by some twist of reality I end up in the pokemon world or if Crispin were to end up in this world.(Do I believe that kind of thing could actually happen? Not really. But I wouldn't be shookth if it did.) Angst in fanfics/au stuff doesn't invoke a negative response.

From the continuity level my dreams have and with how I'm aware of it when I'm dreaming, I will lose all sense of self-preservation if I have to defend the fictional characters from any evil monster or whatever in a dream. If I am killed in a dream, I wake up. The imaginary friends can just straight up die permanently. and I'm N o t going to allow Crispin or Drayton or any other imaginary friend become a repeat of what happened with Hop and Leon. It took a dream with an entirely awake level of awareness to bring them back. That is the only time ever I had a dream like that like it was some kind of miracle dream. It had been something I had prayed to have for months, maybe more than a year. I was very happy and thankful to God (and absolutely flippin' confused) that the dream happened at all. The awareness was nothing short of a miracle in that dream. I'm still surprised of everything about it. Leon and Hop still didn't visit often, but hey. The (ex)imaginary friends are alive again. Maybe they'll be my friends again someday but like-- they endured so many of my nightmares.

Leon and Hop have recently started appearing a little more so perhaps they had the chance to emotionally recover. It would be so awesome if Leon and Hop could be introduced to my newer friends. They know Ryuki already. Ryuki recently met Crispin so that's a start. I think the au Hop(Reaper) would get along with normal Hop. If everyone introduces themselves to each other and if we can get Drayton to come along(or maybe we could all go to where Drayton is to not disturb him) this would be one nice big friend group :D

These imaginary friends (aka unreal besties) feel so real to me htsxhbfyftyvt

Ramble over for now

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lovely-seren1ty · 2 years

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Two Lost Souls

You lost your dad, Tony Stark, and left everyone behind after that day. Years later you go back to look for the boy you once knew and loved, worried for his life.

After the 2 year mark you are 25/26 and Peter is 19/20 because of the blip. This was also originally just suppose to be a sad one shot of being Tony’s daughter, but then it turned into this so hopefully it doesn’t feel odd.

Angst, happy ending, sad Peter, depressed reader, and that’s all I can think of NWH SPOILERS

I stand there deathly silent as the tears behind my eyes burn to escape, but they can’t and they won’t.

My heart had plummeted the moment I saw Strange’s finger rise, and the blood in my veins froze as my dads eyes looked to me in sorrow. I knew, I knew what he was about to do and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. I wasn’t fast enough as I ran to him with a scream stuck in my throat and then before I knew it the world turned white and the deed was done. He was done, and I was left here to watch as the first person to ever believe in me, slowly die.

My eyes never leave his half charred face while wishing the roles were reversed. It should’ve been me, I should’ve been the one to sacrifice myself. He had more to lose than I do, a family, a real daughter, and a wife who loves him dearly. Where all I had was him, but even then I barely did in these past 5 years. So then why am I still standing here barely breathing from the pain of watching him die, instead of being the one in his place.

Peters cries burn my ear drums, they’re heart wrenching and they seem to get louder and louder as he stumbles to my fathers side. The tears behind my eyes seem to burn even more and my throat closes up, but I still stay strong. I need to stay strong for them, and so I take a few dreadful steps towards the two. So badly wanting to fall into his arms and scream at him for allowing this to happen, but I don’t deserve to. Pepper needs to say goodbye and so I am willing to sacrifice mine for hers.

My hand shakily rests onto Peters shoulder, the look of his heartbroken face causes my jaw to set. Every second passing becomes harder to hold back the earth shattering scream I want to let out. I gently pull him back away from his body that I can’t seem to look at anymore, I know I’ll regret it in the future, but it’s the only thing keeping me together. One look at him, one look from him and I’ll crumble to ashes.

Peter’s back stumbles into my chest as I grip onto his shoulders for dear life. Everything sounds so loud as I hear Pepper kneel down by his side. The wind, the air, everything feels like poison now. I squeeze my eyes tightly as her soft words ring in my ears, “you can rest now.”

The despair creeps up on me at the last second making me open my eyes to look up at him one last time while he’s alive and in that moment his eyes meet mine over her shoulder. I can hear the final breath he takes as a small smile lifts at his lips. As I watch his eyes drain of life, the dam breaks letting my emotions come full force. I run to his body as my vision blurs from the waterfall of tears, the sobs are never ending as I rest my head against his now hollow chest. “No! No! No! Why?! It should have been me!” I scream out into the void, wishing and willing for him to come back in one piece.

The screams leaving my throat leave it raw and scratchy, but I don’t care, all I can think about is his charred lifeless body below me and how much I wished it were me instead.

——————————————{~}———————————————

It’s been two years since that day, two years since I saw anyone, and two years since life became dull and lifeless.

I did show up to the spot he was laid to rest, forever drifting in the water, to try to get some peace, but it didn’t work. I had stood there at the edge of that lake for hours, trying, wishing he’d somehow speak to me and tell me to get over it and let it go like he would have when he was alive. It never happened though and so I had left that night and never went back. I couldn’t get myself to face Pepper, Morgan or Happy after everything and it made me feel guilty. Happy had tried reaching out to me on more occasions than none. He kept me updated about Peter, making sure I knew he was okay, and also trying to see how I was doing. I never answered though because I couldn’t tell him how hollow of a person I’d become. Nothing I did or do changes that and I didn’t want to worry him, he’s mourning over a very dear friend after all.

I stare down at my phone as yet another message comes through from happy, for the past year they’ve only been about me and never Peter. I thought maybe he had gone off to university and maybe Happy couldn’t see him until he went back home, but no. He should be home by now and he should be giving me updates, but they still never come. So, for the first time in a long time, I decide it’s time to go back to where my life had began. Where I had first met everyone including my dad, and I can’t help, but hope I’ll be able to handle it.

The moment my feet touch the pavement just outside of Peters apartment I feel off. Something doesn’t feel right, it almost feels like I’m in the wrong place, but I know for sure I’m not. When I was younger we had spent so much time together here, all our young and reckless memories start off here. The closer I get to his apartment number, the more confusion I feel. Something has definitely changed.

My knuckles hesitantly wrap against the familiar yet unfamiliar door and I stand there waiting. It takes a few moments before the door is finally swinging open and I hold in a breath to ready myself to see him, but I don’t. Instead of seeing him or even aunt May, a tall young man stairs back at me with just as much confusion as me.

“Uh, may I help you?” He asks awakening me from my thoughts.

I shake my head, “no, sorry I must have gotten the wrong door.”

I don’t even wait for a reply before speed walking out of the building and into the hot air.

Where is he?

What happened?

I fumble for my phone as my breathing picks up from the horrible thoughts invading my mind. I lift it to my ear as I whisper out pleas while the phone rings loudly in my ear. Everything feels like it’s spinning around me as I wait for Happy to pick up.

“Come on! Pick up god damn it.” I shout into the phone.

I don’t know what I’ll do if I find out he’s de-

“Hello? Y/n?”

“Where’s Peter?!” I ask frantically before he can say anything more. He pauses for a few seconds making me think of the worst which brings tears to my eyes.

“Who is Peter? Y/n are you okay? I haven’t heard fr-”

I cut him off, “huh? Don’t play dumb with me Happy, this isn’t funny. Tell me the truth!”

“I don’t know who you’re talking about, honestly kid. Where are you? I’ll come get you and we can talk.”

I shake my head as it feels like the universe is trying to cave in on me. What the fuck is going on? How can he not know Peter? Is this some joke? No it can’t be, he genuinely seems like he doesn’t know who I’m talking about and that brings me a massive headache.

“No, no. It’s ok, I gotta go. I’ll talk to you later, Happy.” I say quickly.

As I’m about to end the call I hear him call out to me and then there’s silence from his end. I stand there for what feels like forever trying to figure out how any of this could be possible.

How could anyone forget Peter?

I sigh as I decide to take a walk around the streets and let my feet take me to wherever they want. As the day grows darker, I somehow find myself standing out front of what us to be my dads tower, but what is now only just a normal building…

The memories are overwhelming as they play out in my mind and once again for the millionth time since that day, tears well over and down my cheeks. I don’t know how long I stand there looking up at it or even when I turned around and started making my way to the park. All I knew was I now sat here on a bench in the middle of the park he had taken me to when he first adopted me. The tears never leave my eyes as a figment of my memories play out in front of me. I can hear and see myself smiling and giggling while chasing after those stupid pigeons while Tony awkwardly and nervously chased after me.

A laugh mixed with a sob leaves my mouth as the memory fades leaving me feeling empty once again. My eyes close as I whisper out, “I miss you dad…”

A weight of someone sits down beside me, and normally I’d be more alert, but I feel too drained to care and so I continue to sit there with my eyes closed. The person softly clears their throat and something inside me warms at the familiar sound.

“Hey, are you okay ma’am?” He whispers out so softly and worriedly.

That’s…

My eyes open to look up at him and my chest swells in happiness for the first time in years, “Peter?” I whisper out so quietly, afraid that I could be wrong and imagining things. His pretty brown eyes widen as they meet mine, “oh my god, y/n?!”

A smile breaks out on my face as I pull him into my arms and hold onto him so tightly. Seeing him, feeling him, and hearing him almost makes me wish I had never left in the first place. He squeezes his arms around my waist as I sniffle into the crook of his neck. Though, the moment is broken sooner than I wish when he pulls me away to look at my face in confusion.

“Wait how do you know who I am?” He asks in bewilderment and once again all I feel is confusion.

“What do you mean? Peter, what’s going on? Happy also didn’t know who you were…” I ask.

He then goes into detail about everything that happened when the world found out who Spider-Man was. The guilt tenfolds at everything he tells me, I should have been there for him. I shouldn’t have been selfish, and oh god, poor aunt May. Peter has lost everyone now and has even lost the people who once knew him. If I could go back and take his place then I would, but I can’t and so the only thing I can do is be here for him from now on.

I quickly pull him into another hug while profusely apologizing for not being there for him. His hand strokes the back of my head as he holds me so tightly, “hey it’s ok, I’ll be ok. I’m just glad I didn’t lose you after the spell… speaking of that, how did it not work on you?”

I pull away from him to wipe away any lingering tears as I explain to him how for a year after Tony’s death I had basically left my body and travelled to a far away place. Nothing can affect me in that state and so the spell wasn’t able to work on me. I’ve always hated myself for receding to that place since my dad had always hated it, but for once I feel grateful I had because if I hadn’t then I would’ve forgotten about Peter and all those memories we shared.

His hand softly latches onto mine and his fingers interlace in between mine, once again bringing forth those long forgotten feelings I had for him when times were simpler, when we had been just a year apart, when we were both so innocent, and when we were both so happy. Now we’re both alone, older, and sad, but somehow those feelings once again ignited. Maybe this was all suppose to happen, maybe this is our second chance, and maybe this is life’s way of giving us our chance to help each other heal.

So, as we stare into each other’s eyes I don’t hesitate to close the distance between us and latch my lips onto his soft ones.

I was never meant to forget you and I never will because, I softly pull away to look into his eyes, “I love you, Peter Parker.”

#peter parker x reader #peter parker x stark!reader #peter parker x stark!daughter #spiderman x reader #tony stark x stark!reader #peter parker oneshot #spiderman oneshot

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the-broken-truth · 2 years

Note

Yes there Open

Can I request a yandere batman Nightwing Red hood red Robin and older damin x abused mute daughter reader

Where the reader is 9 years old and didn't have a great life and her mom not nice to herAnd she became a hero one of the youngest ones and the boys find her and take her under there wing.

but the reader doesn't go witg them to the Mason and they have to bound with her the old fashioned Way. And they slowly think of her as there own but one night the reader doesn't meet them and slowly it becomes a year.

And on there 10 birthday they get a call from the reader asking for help and when they get there they see the reader badly hurt and missing a arm and skinny.

And one eye and they take her to the cave but when they do they reader crying say she wants her blood dad because he never knew her and she wants to be with him and tell him about her and when they ask her who the dad is the reader tells them it their true identity. And what do they do to the mother and the step Dad.

And on the batboys can you add Bruce being a good Grandpa to the reader please and thank you.

(This happened to me when I was a kid and I am now 20 years old and proud I have made it this fare in life and my dad and grandpa are the best thing to happen to me)

Mask: We are happy to learn that you survived your ordeal and with honor, we shall answer your question. Let the words weave together.

I. It is said that those who have the largest smiles have the most painful of pasts and that was true for one citizen of Gotham City - [Reader] [Surname].

II. If you met her, she wouldn't say a word to you but she would meet your words with a wide smile or a single nod or shake of her head beore walking away to do her own thing, some thought that she was just tired from the sleepless nights from the dark circles under her eyes or she just wasn't fond of people because she was so quiet, but if they knew the truth of this girl's silence their hearts would break.

III. As the old saying goes - You never know what goes on behind closed doors.

IV. The 9 year old lived alone with a birthgiver that felt no love for her, a woman who yelled at her every hour of the day or laid bruises upon the girl's body for no reason at all, other than she was the reason her father left her because he didn't want a child.

V. What the mother didn't know was that her child was something more than what she could ever understand: At night, she dawned her mantle and took to the night skies of Gotham to clean up crime and it was one of those nights where she met the Famous Bat-Family.

VI. [Hero Name] was looking around an abandoned shop for evidence of a local gang smuggling drugs and was taking pictures and collecting samples when a large figure towered over her from behind, casuing the girl to look behind her and see the Infamous Batman - the Dark Knight of Gotham.

VII. He questioned the girl as to what she was doing in a dangerous place like this at this moment at night, but [Hero Name] didn't answer him and just got into her battle stance, ready to take him on so she could find an escae routine but Batman didn't make a move to approach the girl.

VIII. "I'm not gonna fight you, young one, but I can tell from your stance that you are experienced in combat. Come with me." He held his hand out, "I will help you sharpen your skills more.". [Hero Name] relaxed her stance and took Batman's hand beforethe 2 of them disappeared into the night.

IX. For the most time of a year, [Hero Name] has been training with the Bat-Family as often as she could and she became one of Batman's sidekicks but she didn't became a Robin until his son - Damian - who [Reader] saw somewhat as an older brother along with Dick. Bruce treated her like a daughter and the girl slowly opened up to him and spoke to them but only in fragmented sentences.

X. One night, [Hero Name] didn't come and this continued for a year - this worried the Bat-Family but some thought that she hung up her cape and mask to live as a normal person but when the Emergency Signal on [Hero Name's] Suit activated and...it was leading to an abandoned factory on the outskirts of Gotham. The family traveled and found [Hero Name] bruised and bloody, as skinny as a pole, suit torn in multiple places and her right arm gone from the shoulder.

XI. Bruce gathered the girl in his arms and patched her up as best as he could before getting her into the Batmobile and darted in the direction of the Batcave, where he fixed her up. She was missing an arm and the scar over her eye damaged the pupil - she might be blind. [Hero Name] looked at Bruce and begged him to find her biological father before passing out from the pain.

XII. Using some blood from the wounds, they looked through the Genetics Departments of Hospitals and Donattion Banks until they found a match and went to find the man while the boys went to arrest [Reader's] Mother and Step-Father for all the pain they up her through.

XIII. When the father became aware of his daughter, he sued for custody and was granted sole custody. [Hero Name] was still hanging out with the Bat-Family with her new robotic arm while Grandpa Bruce Wayne became [Reader's] Bloodless Grandfather and the sons became her godbrothers. [Reader] was finally happy and she was talking more and more while her smiles were no longer forced.

#dc #batfamily #bruce wayne #batman #abused reader #mute reader

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mythiccheroacademia · 3 years

Text

— what you fight about (pt.2)

𝕡𝕒𝕣𝕥 𝟙

𝕙𝕠𝕥 𝕘𝕚𝕣𝕝 𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕥𝕤: 𝕚’𝕞 𝕝𝕚𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕪 𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕤𝕠𝕣𝕣𝕪. 𝕣𝕖𝕞𝕖𝕞𝕓𝕖𝕣 𝕪'𝕒𝕝𝕝 𝕨𝕒𝕟𝕥𝕖𝕕 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤. 𝕒𝕝𝕤𝕠 𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕥𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕥𝕠 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕥𝕨𝕠 𝕒𝕟𝕠𝕟𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕙𝕖𝕝𝕡𝕖𝕕 𝕞𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕣𝕠𝕦𝕘𝕙 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕨𝕣𝕚𝕥𝕖𝕣’𝕤 𝕓𝕝𝕠𝕔𝕜 <𝟛 𝕨𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤: 𝕥𝕠𝕩𝕚𝕔 𝕓𝕖𝕙𝕒𝕧𝕚𝕠𝕣𝕤/𝕣𝕖𝕝𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕡𝕤, 𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕥𝕤 𝕒𝕥 ℙ𝕋𝕊𝔻, 𝕒𝕟𝕩𝕚𝕖𝕥𝕪, 𝕡𝕖𝕠𝕡𝕝𝕖 𝕤𝕒𝕪 𝕞𝕖𝕒𝕟 𝕤𝕥𝕦𝕗𝕗 𝕨𝕙𝕖𝕟 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕪’𝕣𝕖 𝕦𝕡𝕤𝕖𝕥 :/

Tamaki Amajiki:

you love everything about tamaki

all his faults and his strengths

but sometimes…it feels like you’re the only one keeping it together

and to always be the strong one is hard

It had been a difficult two weeks since your last mission.

Perhaps you were naïve to believe you wouldn’t experience a death any time soon. However, you had been bright and hopeful. The hero you worked as a sidekick for rarely got involved in super-high level threats. You dealt with misdemeanors and a few moderate-sized threats.

Maybe you were being stupid. Nevertheless, the tragedy hit you hard. Both physically and mentally.

You were out until you could safely use your quirk again. In the meantime, your fiancé had done all he could to take care of you. But he was worried.

Tamaki couldn’t help but panic. He wanted nothing more than to kiss you better. Honestly, he wanted you back to normal. He just didn’t know how to do it. You were always the strength of the relationship.

He felt so pathetic over his inability to help, spending hours on the phone with Mirio and Neijre crying over the issue. Afterwards, he’d crawl into bed, cheeks wet with tears, and despite your sadness, you’d wrap your arms around him.

You’d comfort him like you always do and it’d make him feel even worse.

You knew he was trying his best and appreciated that. Though, there was a point to which it all got to be too much for you to handle.

Mirio and Neijre came over to help put up some Christmas decorations. You wanted to cancel. Today hadn’t been a good day. However, Amajiki began to worry over your mood again and so you held your thoughts to avoid his tears.

But it seemed like your tears were the ones you should’ve been worried about.

You sat down on a chair and held your head. The world was spinning, and your ears were ringing. Your eyes burned so badly you felt they’d melt out of your head.

“Bunny!?”

“I’m sorry,” you breathed. “I just need a minute.”

“What can I do?” Tamaki rushed to kneel beside you, fear shining in his glossy eyes.

You shook you head balling your fist near your lips to keep in a cry. “I’m fine, baby,” you sniffed, but that was a lie.

Your head was swimming, buzzing, and filled with nothing but noise. No matter how hard you tried to make it go away, you just couldn’t. You couldn’t deal with that or—

“I-I’ll take care of you. Just p-please tell me what to do!” he begged. You could feel his anxiety seeping into your body and it nearly sent you over the edge.

“Tama, please.”

“I can—I can do something. Anything. Anything you want. An-and—"

All you could think about was how you failed the mission, the girl, her parents, your team, your friends, the public, and—

“Amajiki.”

“B-bunny, I know I haven’t been a good fiancé l-lately, but I-I promise I’ll—"

“AMAJIKI!”

Tamaki jumped, eyes wide and body frozen as he took in the near panic in your eyes.

“I CAN’T—” your voice was shrill before you hiccupped, choking back a sob. You squeezed the air by your head, hoping to ground yourself to something that wasn’t there.

“I just can’t deal with you right now, okay? I-I’m sorry,” you whispered.

Your breaths left in puffs as you silently watched his mind work to process your words, and when it did, you saw his heart visibly break.

He grabbed his hand to cradle it into his chest like it was wounded. When he spoke, it was barely a whisper, not even a decibel above faint.

“N-no, it’s…I—I’ll give you some space.”

He tried to offer a brave smile, but it wobbled too much to do anything. The tears that ran down his cheeks seemed to suffocate him, and Tamaki couldn’t bite back his cry in time before he quickly left the room. Mirio worriedly gazed at you before running after his friend.

Your eyes remained transfixed on the space where your fiancé once stood. It wasn’t until moments later, when you felt Neijre’s comforting hands around your torso, that you doubled over and wept.

Togata Mirio:

he’s optimistic

too optimistic sometimes

you love the light he brings into your life

but it’s at the cost of him dismissing your feelings and worries

You checked the backseat when the car stopped at the red light to ensure your sleeping son was still there.

“Two minutes and 20 seconds. That’s a new record babe,” Mirio chuckled.

“Very funny.” You threw an unimpressed glare at your husband before turning back into your seat. “But can you blame me? After the heart attack I had this morning, I wanna chain him to my chest and never let go.”

The blonde hero hummed thoughtfully. “That’s only slightly psychotic.”

“Mirio.”

“I’m kidding!”

You huffed and looked away. You were a bit annoyed over the nonchalance your husband seemed to have over what occurred today.

Your son had presented with a quirk and, to your horror, it was similar to Mirio’s—if not even more dangerous. When you came back to find your baby fading away before sinking into the ground, you screamed like murder.

Mirio had never phased into a room so quickly in his life.

After getting both you and your kid (mostly you) to calm down, you went straight to the hospital to make sure everything was still intact. They gave you some quirk inhibiting medication for your kid, a quick pep talk, and you were on your way back home.

The hectic morning made your son knock out as soon as he hit the car seat. You wanted to follow suit but were too paranoid to do so. In fact, you wanted to hold him—just in case. But Mirio insisted the medication would hold him until you got home. Then he cracked a joke about your kid turning into tumble weed and laughed like it was the funniest thing he ever said.

And he kept making jokes. Like this was funny.

Forget annoyed. It was pissing you off.

Mirio peeked a quick glance over your stiff figure. A small grin graced his lips, and he placed a comforting hand on your thigh.

“Okay, I’m sorry. I know you’re scared. I’ll chill with the jokes. Just promise not to blow a gasket on me, will ya?” he smiled.

You averted your eyes away from the moving tress to look at him well. “You could take this a little more seriously, you know?” you said.

“I assure you, I am 100% serious.”

He couldn’t even say that with a straight face. You rolled your eyes, groaning into your head tilt.

“Ooou you get on my nerves—”

“Sunshine, it’ll be fineee,” he happily assured. “It’ll just take some practice before [S/N] gets control of it.”

“[S/N] literally turns invisible before he permeates through surfaces. That’s so scary. I can’t do anything for him unless you're there and even then, that might not always work out. We need to figure something out.”

“His quirk is really not too far from mine. And you remember all the funny things that happened when I was a kid.”

You incredulously looked at him. “Yeah, all the funny near death experiences!”

“And I turned out fine!” Mirio laughed.

You wanted to rip your hair out. There was literally no getting through to him.

“Forget it. I don’t even know why I bother.” You scooted away from his hand, crossing your arms in frustration. “It’s not like you take my feelings seriously anyways.”

That last part was meant for your own ears, however Mirio heard them loud and clear. He turned into the neighborhood, brows subtly scrunching together.

“Now that’s not true. I care about that a lot actually.”

“Could’ve fooled me.”

Well that was not the answer he expected.

There were a couple minutes of uncomfortable silence before the car reached your garage and was turned off. You two looked forwards for a moment before someone spoke.

“I feel like we should talk about this,” Mirio slowly said, turning to watch for your reaction.

You gave him a glare that caused him to goofily purse his lips. You then got out of the car and went to go unstrap your son so you could hold him until the events of the morning faded from your mind.

As a last resort to make you smile, Mirio permeated his torso through his seat to give you the cheesiest grin.

“I love you, honey bunny~” he sung.

To which he earned a car door slammed in his face.

Dabi:

he’s selfish

you know it and he does too

yet you still stay around because you love him

but it seems like he couldn’t care less about whether or not you do

You impassively sat on the couch of your small apartment. Your hands were folded across your chest, teeth chattering against the raw skin underneath your nail bed. For a minute straight, your knee bounced in place before you stood up and took to pacing in order to release the energy bubbling in your chest.

It felt like hours before your apartment door opened.

Dabi threw his keys onto the closest surface and shrugged off his heavy jacket. You didn’t realize you’d moved before you took the jacket to hang on the wall.

“It’s cold as shit out there,” he shivered.

“Yeah, there’s supposed to be a blizzard sometime soon,” you replied, yet it sounded distant. However, Dabi didn’t seem to notice.

“Can’t wait,” he huffed. A mischievous glint grew in his eyes as he pulled you into his chest by your waist. Usually that would’ve made your thighs tense with anticipation. But all you could do was stand there like dead weight—and again, he didn’t notice. Did he ever? “But I guess it won’t be too bad if I have you to keep me warm, hm?” he smirked.

You stood stiff as he kissed your lips and tears burned your eyes as he moved to your neck, hands affectionately squeezing your hips. The bubbles in your chest rumbled and popped like angry bees when you realized he hadn’t noticed. He never noticed it. He never noticed anything about you. Just like he hadn’t noticed—

“Dabi, what day is it?”

His lips continued to pepper your skin with licks and nips, mindlessly working to find your sweet spot again. “Mmm…Thursday, sweetheart.”

“I’m being serious.”

“I am too.” Dabi looked up and met your stone cold face that looked angrier by the second. He quirked a brow. “What’s up with you?”

“It’s our one year anniversary, you asshole.”

You pushed him away, stomping towards your room. However, Dabi grabbed your arm, pulling you back into the conversation. But instead of hearing an apology, you received an inattentive eyeroll.

“Don’t be like that, doll-face. It’s really not that deep.”

“Excuse me?” you spat. “You said the same thing ever since our 6 month and I let it go, but now you wanna act like this isn’t a big deal? You know how much this means to me.”

“And you know that’s not my style. I don’t care about shit like that.”

“Well I do.” You moved out of his grasp and put distance between yourselves to help you think.

Dabi ran a hand through his hair, stress in his movements. “Are we really gonna do this right now, Y/N?”

“Yes! Because you don’t get it!”

Fed up with the argument already, Dabi threw his hands in the air, letting his frustration carry the words through his lips. It had been an awful day, his staples were aching from the weather, and this was making everything worse.

“I already missed the damn thing, what do you want me to do!? You want me to say I’ll make up for it?”

“I want you to care, Dabi!” you desperately exclaimed. “I want you to care about me, about this relationship. Damn it, I want you to care about anything else besides what’s in my pants for once in your life—”

“Well that’s all I wanted until you started asking for more shit and I gave you that. What more do you want from me?” he sneered.

There was a silent pause between you two. You blankly stared at the man you’d come to love despite the hell he put you through. When you observed the honest irritation in his eyes, everything became clear. It was in that moment you realized it wasn’t that he never noticed. It was that he didn’t care. He never did.

That’s when you felt the deep ache of heartbreak nestle between your lungs.

“What more do I want from you,” you repeated, tasting the words. You numbly laughed and nodded your head, silently accepting his truth.

There were no tears, just bitter emptiness.

“Well, uh…you don’t have to worry about that anymore. You won’t be roped into another anniversary with me again.”

It was a moment too late when your soft whisper broke through the angry storm that clouded Dabi’s head. His face sunk with the exhaustion of a man well beyond his years.

“Y/N, baby, can we just talk about this—"

“Leave the spare key on your way out.”

And before he could utter another word, you shut your bedroom door like it was never to be opened again.

#tamaki amakiji #tamaki x reader #suneater #mirio togata #mirio x reader #lemillion #dabi #touya todoroki #dabi x reader #bnha headcanons #mha drabbles #angst

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levantea · 3 years

Text

Winter Falls | h.hyunjin

Pairing: idol bf!hyunjin x deceased gf!y/n

Genre: angst, grief, regret, death

Rating: PG

Warning: mentions of breaking down, insomnia, death, blood, accident

Word Count: 3.8k

Author’s note: Well, i am super duper inspired by this song so i am going to write something that is tragedic… if you are not comfortable or had trauma please DO NOT READ! i repeat, DO NOT READ! i do not want any cases of relapsing so ONLY read when you are ready for it!

Masterlist 🌨

———————————————————————————

I still badly missed you,

I’m still in that place.

Gathering all my memories,

I close my eyes and think.

—

2 years back

30 outgoing calls.

No matter how many times you dialed your boyfriend, he still did not picked up.

You letted out a huge sigh before walking towards your house’s window and take in some fresh air. The season was turning from autumn to winter, and the wind started to become chiller.

Unsure since when, the relationship between you and Hyunjin had deteriotated. No more sparks, no more kisses, no more hugs, no more ‘mornings’ and ‘goodnights’, no more hanging out, no more staying over. Ever since he debuted, the chance of you meeting him reduced year by year, not to mention calls and messages as well.

You thought you were prepared for it, you thought you were able to cope without him physically by your side, you thought that you were able to silently support him behind his back, you overestimated your ability of being receptive towards a ‘long-distance’ and ‘secretive’ relationship that has lasted for 4 years.

You never complained, as you understood that being an idol is not easy. Your boyfriend became a trainee without any prior knowledge to dancing, singing or rapping, and his path towards debuting was more rocky as compared to others. Initially, he still regularly called you, even just a short while, to catch up on how you had been doing and updating on his side, never forgetting to give you encouragement even though he was suffering in his practice room.

That was what made you loved him the most. He is loyal, kind, empathetic, humble, whatever complimenting words you can use on him. You always anticipated his news on when he would be debuting so you could congratulate him for not giving up on the path he chose and the support you had always gave him, and that day came which both of you shared the victorious moment together.

After he debuted 1.5 years later, the times you communicated with him reduced day by day. He always texted you messages such as “sorry hun, im busy right now”, “sorry hun, i need to go for next shoot now”, “sorry hun, im practicing now”, “sorry hun, i am really tired today, ill catch up with you when im more free,” etc. You always replied with “alright hun, take care, ill talk to you again,” until you barely received responses from him in a week.

Was it because the love faded? Or was it because career is more important than anything now?

Your eyes went red as you recalled the flashbacks of when you both just got together and how you guys spent moments during those days, exchanging promises, gifts to show how much love you both had for each other.

But those were the days that were gone.

—

If i ever pretend to be strong, it only makes me laugh.

How many times will the 4 seasons pass? Yeah.

It’ll just hurt, even if i search for memories,

I’m only getting shabby, only scars remain.

—

“One last time,” you told yourself. One last time, you will dial him and if he never answer, you will put an end to it.

When did he last called you? 8 months back? With less than 20 messages within those period. You were tired, disappointed, angry, hopeless in this relationship but still trying to give in your best to maintain that last string of it.

You remembered yourself telling him before, if he ever faces any challenges or setbacks, or he was tired, or he no longer feel the same way as he did initially for you, to tell you straight away so you could give your last wishes before parting.

There is no point hanging onto a relationship that has no communication occured or pure avoidance of conflicts. It takes 2 hands to clap, if one party doesn’t put in effort, it will be worthless to cling onto someone who don’t put you in their heart.

Dialing baby🪄🥰…

“Hi this is Hyunjin, i am currently busy right now, if you have any important messages, do leave in the voice mail and i will get back to you soon, have a great day!” a recorded voice of his sounded in your ears.

Chance was up.

“Hi hun, well, im not sure when to start from, but yea, i hope you have been doing fine. When was the last time we talked through call? If i didn’t remember wrongly, it was 8 months back? Well, I don’t want to be naggy here, but i hoped that, you have been staying safe and healthy, hydrating yourself, remember to wear more clothes as the weather is getting colder. I have tidied up your house, everything in place so that you will not forget or misplace them. I will leave the keys below the carpet, as usual, remember to pick them up when you reached here, take care and… don’t find me anymore,” your voice trailed off at the end as you were on the verge of crying. You bited your hand to control your tears, trying to avoid making any sounds of sobbing which would be recorded in the voice mail.

You quickly pressed the red button before blasting out your cries that you tried so hard to suppress. The moment you ended the unreturned call, you kind of regretted for saying the last phrase, but you were so sick of the whole relationship that has went downhill.

You were not angsty because he was busy, you were disappointed because he did not communicate, or attempt to communicate with you to seek your understanding. You were never an attention seeking person, all you needed was explaination and reassurance, which you were sure that that’s what most girls required from their other half.

After wiping your tears away, you proceeded to the room that you both shared previously to pack all your belongings into your luggage. Thankfully you did not have many things to carry as the rest of them were at your best friend’s house, since your parents were working overseas 3/4 of the year.

Within half an hour you managed to gather all your things and before you leave, you gave a one last, detailed look over this whole house. The house that you both once spent most of your time in, the house that was once filled with laughters, the house that was once you guys shared worries in, the house that you guys showed affection in.

“Good things always come to an end so quickly, what a pity,” you hissed at yourself, letting out a sarcastic laughter to yourself.

And you left the house without looking back. And little did you know that, that would be your last time looking at that house.

—

Days are getting shorter and the nights are getting longer.

On my cold heart, something like ice is melting.

I feel sorry for repeatedly freezing and thawing.

Have you lost your warmth? Well…

—

“Hyunjin, y/n left a voice mail for you though,” Changbin happened to walk past his phone that was placed on the table in the makeup room that all of the members shared.

They were preparing for their comeback after they won kingdom so they were all busy with shooting and other preparations for it.

Hyunjin who just finished his part walked in and over to Changbin, who was holding onto his phone, waving the lighted screen with a wallpaper of both you and him, as well as the voice mail notification floating.

“Oh, okay since im done with my part i’ll hear it now, thanks bro,” he took over the phone and placed 1 airpod into his left ear to hear the voice message.

Initially he thought that it will be the usual check in message and sharing of how your day went but as the duration of the voice message got longer, he sensed that something was off, and he confirmed his instinct when he heard the last sentence.

He felt that his heart dropped and started to palpitate at a fast speed that he never experienced it before, not even after hours of intense dance practices he had in his whole life.

And he realised that, his heart was not beating at insane speed due to his exhaustion, it was called anxiety.

“Hyunjin, do you want to eat- wait, bro, why your face look so white? Are you okay? You look unwell,” Bang Chan came in to offer him some cookies as they had been shooting for hours and he was afraid that Hyunjin may faint since he did not eat since start of shoot.

“Hyung, i think this time round, i’m really dead, like not kidding, i’m really dead,” he started panicking and his voice quivered. Bang Chan immediately putted down the cookies and sat beside him, patting his back and finding out what had happened.

“Hyunjin, i think, y/n is really disappointed this time… i’ve told you previously right, talk to her. i know you are keeping many things behind from her because you do not want her to worry, but what she exactly needed was your open communication with her… so what is your next step now?” Bang Chan sighed after hearing his younger brother confessed.

He nodded to every sentence that was mentioned by his hyung and he started tearing up. The more he thought of what he did for the past 8 months, the more regretful he became. Ignoring what his manager said to not dial anyone during work hours, he just went out of the studio to call you back, despite wearing thin layers in the rather cold weather.

The tables have turned. He spam called you many many times but you refused to answer, and even switched off your phone when you reached your best friends house. You explained the whole situation to her and she was being a really great listener.

—

1 week later

Season has changed. Temperature has dropped, just like your heart. You were counting down to the end of the year and there were 25 more days to next year. Of course, you still decided not to answer any of his phone call, despite it keep coming in everyday. On average he called you 50 times a day just to bet on a chance that you will answer.

After a week of cooling down, you felt that it was unfair to just ended things on one sided. It was not like he betrayed you or anything that stepped onto your principles, and you guessed it would be fine to give him a chance to speak up for himself and end things on a formal note, between you and him.

The next time he called again was at 9pm, and you decided to pick up the call.

“y/n? Are you y/n? Can you hear me? You finally picked up my call,” the guy at the other end of the phone spoke with hope.

“I can hear you. Any issue?” you replied him with a cold tone even though your heart and mind told you to be kinder.

“I-i-i, can we meet for a moment? Just 30mins, 30mins to talk, i promise i wont exceed the timing… please?” he was literally begging you. If only you were physically there, he would probably went down on his knees to beg you to spare some time for him.

“…where,when,time?” you kept silent for a moment before replying. You were contemplating if you should agree to it, but you still did.

“The same usual cafe we go to, tomorrow 4pm,” he quickly replied before allowing any possible rejections from you.

“Noted,” you replied with one word before cutting the call.

Being cold was so tough. You wanted to show how ignorant you were to him but whenever he speaks, you felt yourself melting and you hated yourself for being so weak on that.

Shall see how it goes tomorrow, you thought.

—

Hiding under a quiet sky, emptying my heart.

It’s easier to push than to forget, right?

Did i miss that time? Did i miss you?

The regret of not to knowing my own name.

—

Next day

You specially woke up earlier to finish your work before meeting him, as you felt that you needed to prepare yourself and master the courage to meet the person you loved and hated after such a long time.

You wore a turtleneck knitted dress that covered all the way down to your calf with a windbreaker over you. You also wore a beanie that was once given by Hyunjin when it was your birthday 2 years back. You adored the beanie so much and you did not dare to wear too often as you were worried it would worn off easily.

Thay day just felt like the day to wear it hence you placed it elegantly over your long brown hair. Taking one last check, you left the house after wearing your brown leather boots that was also given by him as christmas present.

Oh yea, Christmas was in 17 days… and how many Christmas had you celebrated with him? You once thought that you will be able to celebrate Christmas every year with him till the day you both have reached the end of your chapter of life but it seemed like, you will be celebrating without him anymore…

You came to the junction. The cafe was opposite where you were standing, and you saw a familar figure standing on the other side of the street waving at you. He dialed your phone which you don’t understand why as you would be meeting him soon, but you answered the call anyways.

“Y/n, I will wait for you here okay? And, look up in the sky, can you see the snow falls?” he pointed in the air and as you looked up, he was right. It was snowing, and it was the first day of snow in that year. You were still wondering to yourself if you would break the record of being the only one seeing the first snow for the year but somehow, you still caught it with him, even though being a street away.

“Yea i do, it is really pretty,” your lips curved up a little bit as you see more snows falling onto your handgloves.

Even though the weather was cold, but you felt your heart getting warmer because the snow healed your heart and, somehow he was there for you, even though not in the past 8 months.

“It’s green light now,” he reminded you softly and you made your way towards him. Suddenly, you felt that there were so many words that you wanted to tell him despite you trying to brush them off. As you walked closer step by step to him, the feeling of how you missed him so badly rised. You felt like sprinting towards his embrace but, it was too late.

You were so engrossed in looking at him and being on the phone made you neglected that there was a huge truck driving at abnormally fast speed which happened to collide with you so badly, that you were being knocked a distance away, leaving you lying in a pool of blood that originated from your whole body, especially your head.

It felt like the whole time was stopped. Cars stopped, people stopped. Everyone was taken aback by what has happened in seconds and some were screaming as they saw the huge amount of blood started to stain the road that was getting white due to the snow.

You were in awful extreme pain. You felt that your bones were dislocating from every part of your body and you felt your head aching and spinning so badly, and you couldn’t recognise or hear your surrounding anymore.

The only thing you could hear was someone calling your name repetitively in a familiar voice.

Hyunjin was in total shock when he saw you being hit by the huge truck and the impact of you being thrown metres away. His mind went blank for moment before he dashed to your side, to see blood started to flood around you. He felt someone was choking him and squeezing his heart so badly that he couldn’t breathe.

“Y/n? y/n? y/n? Can you hear me?! Please don scare me babe, please, i cannot lose you, i cannot breathe without you being right by side,” Hyunjin started crying as he saw that blood keeps oozing out of your body no matter how hard he tried to stop it.

He was in total depair and he was screaming for help. He couldn’t care less about his idol image that was built over the past few years. What he only knew was, he needed to save you.

You were slowly starting to black out due to the enormous amount of pain that you couldn’t cope and you were running out of breath. You knew that time was running out.

“SOMEONE PLEASE, CALL THE AMBULANCE, IM BEGGING PLEASE!” Hyunjin was in a broken state while trying to seek help from people and coping with the truth of you were being hit and the fact that you would be dying anytime.

He still got so many words that he wanted to tell you but everything were swallowed back when he saw that tragedy.

You tried to master all your energy to use your hand and reached out to his face, but you realised your hands were filled with blood, which was not supposed to stain his beautiful face. You wanted to retract it but he took your hands over and placed on his damp cheeks.

“Hyunjin, can you come closer? I can’t raise my voice,” you squeezed your words out of your mouth while trying not to cry, as it would made you hurt even more.

He leaned in closer to your mouth while soothing your hair. “Yes, i am here babe, i am,” he caressed your hand and placed kisses on them while his tears came in contact with your hand.

“Hyunjin, there were so many words i wanted to tell you, but it seems like, i don’t have time. I just need you to know that, i love you, always, and forever, no matter where i am, my heart will always be with you… what a pity,” you gathered all your last bit of energy to convey your feelings towards him, before you stopped breathing.

And yes, you left the world when the first snow came in that year, leaving Hyunjin alone behind. What you cannot hear was him unable to hold the heartbreak any longer and he was on his knees in a disheveled heap as his grief poured out in a flood of uncontrollable tears.

If only he could rewind the time, if only he could have talked to you more, if only he could spent time with you more, if only he could be the one walking towards you, the whole tragedy would not have happened.

And he knew that, you will never return to his side anymore.

—

I find you in my memory,

Holding your hand and walking.

It was a warm winter,

Everything was beautiful back then.

—

Aftermath

Hyunjin suffered almost everyday for the past 1.5 years ever since that accident happened. He was in the circle of guilt and constantly self-blaming for not cherishing you enough when you were alive.

He decided to declare hiatus and move back to the house you both once live in to get a hold of himself. It was so tough initially as he had to live in that house without you anymore. When he stepped back into the house, he couldn’t help but to reminisce the happy moments you both shared when younger at each corner of the house.

Especially the bedroom made him collapsed when he opened the door. He saw all the photoframes that lied peacefully on your study table and the sheets were neatly laid, awaiting for you to come home.

And he did, but alone.

He was also diagnosed with insomnia, as everytime he fell asleep he would always dream of you and ended up crying when he woke up from his slumber. He couldn’t count how many times his pillow was wet from the tears and he felt every second ticking was meant to kill him inside.

“Karma,” he laughed at himself.

—

It feels like I woke up from a long dream,

It’s snowing and time is flying.

Will the season where I embraced you come again?

I have to send it now, but it’s hard.

—

Now

Thankfully, his members were all very concern of him and visited him frequently to ensure he was okay and healing from the pain. The older members would always talked to him patiently and hear him out, and the younger ones would prepare little gifts for him to cheer him up.

And now, he managed to gather his courage and stand back on stage, facing STAYs who have been patiently waiting for him to come back. They were all very understanding towards Hyunjin’s situation and gave him encouragements through his SNS.

Hyunjin was able to walk out of the past and live on his life as an idol, bearing in mind that your heart is always with him, even though not on the same world. Whenever he felt discouraged or missed you, he will open the letter you wrote for him when you both first got together and he always keep in his wallet.

“Do what you love and love what you do. I will always be behind your back and support you. Don’t doubt your choices and you are the best, live your life to the fullest as you only live once.”

—

Moving on

Subsequently, whenever the first snow fall every year, he will definitely space out some time to visit the cafe that you did not manage to meet him that year and buy a cup of americano and a cup of caramel latte that you loved, placing it on the opposite side of the table that nobody seats on.

He knew that you loved corner seats, especially those that were right beside the glass window so you were able to catch the scenic view outside. He also knew you love winter season as it symbolises the end of year is coming and new year awaits for both of you.

“Babe, today is the first winter fall of the year, did you manage to catch it?” He mumbled to himself and probably you who may hear it in somewhere he can’t see.

“I love you, and i miss you.”

—

I loved you, loved you, loved you,

As you did, loved you, loved you, loved you.

Again it falls, the snow falls,

We fall apart,

But our hearts never.

#hwang hyunjin #hyunjin #hyunjin ff #hyunjin imagines #hyunjin x reader #skz x reader #stray kids #hyunjin angst #skz angst #winter falls

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racheloveyunho · 3 years

Text

Till Death do us part - 1

Y/N grew up in a wealthy family, she always was seen as a beautiful and smart kid and was most likely to take her father’s place as the CEO of one of the most important companies in South Korea. However, after the death of her mother, Y/N’s family slowly started to break apart. Her father was always working to forget his uncalled pain while his kids were left alone at home.

She was 17 years old when her life took a sudden turn when she met him in a dark alley. He was a bloody mess, bruises everywhere but behind blood and dirt, she could see his beautiful features and his addictive gaze. Maybe she should have walked away, maybe she shouldn’t have helped him, but the moment his gaze locked with hers, she was already his.

Choi San was his name.

Genre: Mafia AU, angst, fluff, stranger to lovers

Words: 2486

TW: Y/N is described as an OC. Please be aware that this story will contain a lot of triggering content such as smut, blood, death, murder, drug, kidnapping, etc. Do not read if you are under a legal age!

Chapter 1

I still wonder what would have happened if I didn’t meet him during this gloomy night? We were young and I was way too brave for my own good. Maybe it was my faith or maybe it was a sheer coincidence but now, I know that I will love him till death do us part.

---------

5 years ago.

"Hey Y/N, wake up sleepyhead! It’s time to go to school and I will surely not wait for the princess to wake up" my brother yelled loudly from the first floor, waking me up in the process.

I groaned and shifted uncomfortably in my bed; it was too much noise at such an early time of the day. My long-browned hair was messy from the last night, as always. I was the type of girl to move a lot during my sleep and my morning head was always a funny one, swollen, with small eyes and with some of my lightly curled hair stuck in my mouth. After five minutes of rethinking my life decisions, I found enough motivation to get out of my bed and walked down the stairs.

"Why the hell did I agree to help other students during holidays, huh?” I asked my brother as I lazily rubbed my tummy.

“Maybe because you are too dumb to say no to your teachers?” he answered, his mouth full of food.

“Do you mind keeping your mouth shut while you are eating? It’s disgusting.” I shook my head disapprovingly.

I headed toward the kitchen to get a cup of fresh milk. Jin, my brother, childishly opened his mouth wide to show me the content of it. I let out a long “Ew!” before smashing his arm playfully.

“No, but seriously Y/N. There’s no use to be brilliant at school if that means you have to help your classmates with their studies during holidays” Jin said after taking a sip of his coffee.

“Yeah, but the teacher who asked me this favor told me that he will write a recommendation for me if I agreed to help him” I answered.

“You don’t even need a recommendation, we’re from a rich family” Jin mumbled to himself but it was loud enough for me to hear it.

He wasn’t totally wrong and I knew it. We were born with a silver spoon in our mouth. We were “cake eater” as the other kids used to call us when we were younger, we never knew what it felt like to run out of money and everyone at school was jealous of me because of that.

But they didn’t know. No one knew how hard it actually was for me and my brother.

My mother passed away 2 years ago, and since then, my father didn’t stay at home with us longer than a week straight. He was always working, working, and working again, his job had literally become his life. He was one of the richest men in Korea and still, he was always eager for more and worked every day and night for it.

He wasn’t a good father for me and Jin. He never made any compliments to us, all he was able to do was to pressure us to be as perfect as possible or at least perfect enough to not ashamed him and his reputation. Unlike my brother, I wanted to hear my father say that he was proud of me, just for once. That’s why I was trying hard to be the perfect daughter, with good grades, good manners, and good appearance but even if I tried my best, it wasn’t enough for him.

“Do you know why I’m working so hard, Jin?” I asked him, voice as soft as a whisper, almost not daring to tell the truth.

“Why?” Jin put a hand on the top of mine, a sign of comfort since he already knew my upcoming answer.

“I don’t want to follow his rules forever. I’m still a minor so I had to stick at them but when I’ll turn 20, I will leave this house and will never come back” I sadly stated, “I want to marry a man I’m in love with, I want to do a job I like and most of all, I don’t want our father to commend my life.”

Jin tightened his grip on my hand. He understood me, he understood me too well. We were indeed rich but we were far from being happy. Jin was 6 years older than me which means he was already an adult. He wanted to leave this house as much as me but couldn’t bring himself to do so and leave me behind.

Unlike me, Jin has never been a good student, he always has been considered a failure to our father, and even if he finally was able to run away from here, he stayed there for me. I was really lucky to have a brother like him and I was well aware of that.

I took my breakfast and came back to my room to take a quick shower and get ready for this day I knew would be exhausting.

My brother was already waiting in his car. Jin took me to school as often as he could. He was working on a supermarket he owned and even if he was pretty busy, he wanted to spend his mornings with his “sweet baby sister” as he liked to call me.

I am indeed lucky to have a brother like him.

8 pm, it was already late when I heard the bell ring for the last time today. I was the last one to leave the class as I helped my teacher with the preparation of some material for the next day. It didn’t bother me too much, I wasn’t in a hurry to get home since I knew my dad was finally coming back home from his work.

In all honesty, I didn’t want to see him. I didn’t miss him at all, even after all this time. I wandered here and there even though the street was already pitch black.

“Oh! It’s been a while since I last went to the haunted alley!” I happily exclaimed to myself.

I knew every nook and cranny of Seoul, I grew up there after all. My favorite place was the haunted alley. As its name suggests and according to some beliefs, that path would be haunted.

It was an old story I heard with my friends when I was less than 10 years old. A grandma from our neighborhood scolded us and told us not to stay there because there was a woman who had been murdered in the walkway and that since then, one could hear her cry every night.

A simple way to scare naïve kids you may think, and you are more than right. However, this story is known by everyone, not just by kids. That’s the reason why I love this place, thanks to all of these rumors, no one uses this path except me. It was like my secret place.

I walked around the alley with heavy steps, thinking about my father and his upcoming lecture about how to be a good girl. My thoughts were suddenly stopped by the voice of two men who seemed to be fighting each other. I stayed still for a moment, trying to figure out where the noises were coming from.

“You piece of shit! And you claim yourself as the Boss” son?” One voice laughed.

I hid in the dark and saw what could have been mistaken with a scene from a horror movie. Between two old houses, a tall man was beating up a boy who seemed to be around my age.

I felt shivers down my spine but before I could even think straight, my body started to move with its own will.

“Hey! Let him go!” I shouted, my voice betraying me by showing how scared I really was.

I moved closer to the two men, I could now see them more clearly.

The young boy was sitting on the ground, badly bleeding, whereas the tall man was standing in front of him, blood on his hand and his nose broken.

They were watching me. The silence was heavy, the only thing I could hear was the beating of my racing heart and the shake of my knees that were begging me to run away from this place. The silence was soon replaced by an ominous laugh.

“Wow. What a beauty! Is she your girlfriend? Huh?” The tall man laughed and hit the youngest on his stomach before coming closer to me.

He came closer, until he was in front of me. I had a better view of his poor state. He wasn’t less bleeding than the other man, his blood was actually covering his whole face.

I don’t know what had taken into me at this exact moment, the adrenaline was rushing in my veins and even though my feet were stuck on the ground, unable to move, my hand reached the pepper spray I always carried in my bag. Before the man could react, I used my weapon against him.

When the chemical product had reached his eyes, he screamed and placed his hands on his face, trying desperately to soothe the pain. I took advantage of the situation and kicked him as hard as I could on his crotch before he fell loudly on the ground.

I quickly grabbed the boy by his arm and helped him stand up. He was badly injured but followed me without any complaint.

I was panting when I reached a lighted street. We stopped there, trying to catch our breath. I turned around to face the man I was still holding and my breath hitched in my throat, not from the run I previously had but because of how beautiful this man looked.

“Are you okay? What is your name?” I asked him but he simply stayed silent, staring at me with his piercing eyes.

I took a better look at his features, he was really handsome with a well-defined face. He wasn't older than me but he hadn't the body of a teenager either. His broad shoulders and his arms muscles could be seen without any effort from him. His dark hair was harmonizing with the dark of his eyes and his dimples were visible as the border of his lips turned upright in an inviting smirk.

How can someone like him be involved in such a fight?

“The sight is at your taste?” he giggled, his smile spreading wider.

I finally took notice of my staring when I heard him laugh. I must say it was the most beautiful laugh I ever heard, slightly high-pitched but almost bewitching.

“I wasn’t staring!” I shouted from embarrassment. Fortunately, the darkness of the night was covering the redness on my cheeks.

“Sure, you weren’t” He added, amused by my reaction “I’m San. Choi San. I didn’t need your help earlier but thank you, I’m glad you rescued me”

He came closer to me and gave me a sincere smile, showing even more his dimples.

My heart was going crazy in my chest. This boy seemed small earlier compared to the other man but he was way taller than me, maybe 7 inches taller.

“You’re welcome”

I was a bit intimidated by him but I dared not to look away. He had something special, an aura that seemed as dangerous as comforting. His gaze was intense and deep, it was like he was looking through me, memorizing every detail of my face.

He didn’t move and didn’t talk for at least 2 minutes and even if I was feeling uncomfortable, I did my best not to let him know.

“Where is your house?” he finally asked after what felt like an eternity.

He startled me with his sudden question, I didn’t expect him to talk this soon. Why did he want to know where I lived? He probably wanted to walk me home and I would have gladly let this handsome guy walk me home if I hadn’t met him in an odd situation.

‘But he is really handsome…’ I thought, sighing softly, making San arch an eyebrow.

“It’s okay, I live near here, no need to walk me home. You can go ahead…” I said “Go ahead to…the hospital, your house or…go murdering someone…whichever comes first” I added, lowering my voice at the end of my sentence.

His face changed into a surprised expression “I wasn’t going to walk you home, don’t worry”

I sighed in relief even if I felt a bit disappointed, maybe he wasn't that bad after all.

“I want to stalk you” he stared at me with his beautiful smile as if it was the most natural thing to say.

‘What the fuck?’

“Sure, stalking me haha, it was obvious, silly me!” I gently hit my head and laughed awkwardly, taking a step back from him.

He laughed sweetly and took my chin between his thumb and his index to lift my face up. His mouth came closer to my ear and he whispered a small “Just joking” before turning his heels back and leaving me, alone, in the dark street.

I was finally back home. Fortunately for me, my dad hadn’t noticed me since he was already sleeping on the couch.

I quickly went upstairs to my room and collapsed on my bed, my mind still processing what had happened earlier. It was scary to say the least but fascinating at the same time. I was still confused even after showering. This San had a deep effect on me, not only mentally but physically too.

“Choi San…” I muttered before closing my eyes and drifting into a deep sleep.

---------

This is my first story, it’s bad but I’ll try to improve myself!

This series will be uploaded slowly since I don't have a lot of time.

Thank you for reading!

#choi san #san ateez #san #mafia ateez #mafia au #ateez scenario #ateez au #kpop #kpop mafia #ateez angst #ateez fluff #strangers to lovers #ateez series

130 notes · View notes

imonthinice · 3 years

Text

The Criminal Psychology Majors, Jason Todd x Fem!Reader Part 7/?

Word Count: 3.5k

Author’s Note: Y/N - Your Name, A/N Any Name (your best friend’s name), (Name) - your ex’s name !genderneutral (Don’t use a DC character! Y/N hasn’t dated any other DC character!) :)

3.5k words, my god. And they’ve still only known each other for 4 days and we’re on part 7. I do not know how to finish this.

Lol, Enjoy!

Warnings: Swearing, Heated moments, There is French in this one, No beta bitch we die like Jason Todd

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8) (Part 9) (Part 10) (Part 11) (Part 12) (Part 13) (Part 14) (Part 15) (Part 16) (Part 17) (Part 18) (Part 19) (Part 20)

Falling asleep in Jason’s arms after that escapade the two of them pulled the night before was something magical to say the least. Of course, they only got like 5 hours of sleep before they had to wake up and get out, at risk of Y/N being caught in the building, although the thrill of it excited the both of them deeply, but that’s obvious. They liked breaking the rules already.

Riding back home seemed a lot less like a journey to her this time, she just wanted to spend more time with Jason, but he had work and she didn’t want to hang out at Wayne Enterprises. She’d probably go to the library today, she didn’t know exactly what she’d do today, but she always thought that was the most exciting thing ever. “I don’t know what I’m even going to do tomorrow,” one of her friends asked when she moved to Gotham, ‘How exciting!’ she answered.

That friend said the next day she ran through the streets of Metropolis with her arms outstretched like a kid, and she did it in Y/N’s honor. “I told you!” she said, “How exciting that sometimes you never know what you’re going to do tomorrow!”.

These thoughts swirled in her head as Jason drove her back home when, like clockwork, like it was out of a movie, he said,

“I have no idea what I’m even going to do today.”

She laughed, “I always say ‘How exciting!’ when someone says that to me.”

“Really?”

“One of my friends back home, when I gave her that advice, she then spent the next day running around the city with her arms outstretched in my honor, it was apparently one of the more fun things she’s ever done, so” she paused, “I really mean it. how exciting! The possibilities are endless, are they not?”

“Well, not really, I have work to do,” he frowned.

“So own it. Make the office your bitch. Take charge, take lead.”

“Why not?” he said in agreement.

“Why the fuck not.”

-------------------------------------------

Jason walked her to her door, “Won’t you be late?” she asked,

“Dad knows where I am, I don’t think I’ll have my ass handed to me.”

“You never know,” she laughed.

He laughed too and slightly pecked her lips. He wanted more, he was hungry for more out of that kiss, but work and life gets in the way of their relationship, and he really whined when he had to break away, but she laughed at it.

“Slow your roll Tiger, one day,” she mused.

“You say that like you don’t want more.”

“This isn’t about me,” she retorted, “So, shut up, respectfully.”

He laughed and kissed the back of her hand, “You have a thing for doing that, huh?” she joked.

“I literally don’t know how to answer that, I think I’m losing my touch with flirting,” he joked back.

“Okay, okay, you need to get going now.”

“Fine! You want to get rid of me so badly, I get it,” he joked and walked back to the car and she waved him off. She hated that time he left, a lot. She knew it was healthy to take a day’s break if they’ve been on 3 back-to-back dates, but that didn’t mean she liked it.

She opened her door and walked in, thinking A/N was asleep so she wouldn’t be barraged for her hair being a mess, but, boy oh boy, was this girl waiting for her to get home.

“What happened? Why’s your hair a mess? Oh my god, did you have sex?” she asked.

“No, but we kissed, will you take that as information while I shower or do you want all the details now?”

“You can shower, you can shower. I’m not that needy.”

“Yes you are,” Y/N joked and went to go shower.

And like she always did, she opened her phone and looked at the news before answering her friends,

Millionaire’s Son, Jason Todd's Girlfriend’s Name Revealed!

She laughed, cause it wasn’t her name. She didn’t think he was seeing anyone else, and they used her picture, so she knew they just fucked it. She forwarded the article to Jason with the caption ‘ Fuckin’ idiots’ .

She then answered Artemis, who asked Did you two kiss? Dick’s up my ass about it ‘cause he knows we’re friends.

I want to take that out of context so badly. She joked with Artemis.

I knew this man had a terrible name that would come to haunt me, but did ‘ya kiss?

Yeah we did. Get Dick out of your ass, though, that’s weird, you have a boyfriend and he has a girlfriend.

Shut up, you’re not funny.

I’m pretty funny.

You are but I’m not going to admit that, girl.

And one of her old friends had texted her, it was someone who Y/N had seen off and on the past few years, they were polite, but she didn’t exactly want to speak to her ex.

Hey.

(Name)? What do you want?

Saw you in the news with the rich boy, guess we’re over?

We have been over for like 5 months, my guy.

Bitch.

Okay!

People from her hometown were noticing her in the articles and recognizing her. Some would think this is the coolest thing that someone they loved met a nice boy, the money a bonus, some would give her the reaction her ex did, but she knew she was days, hours, maybe minutes away from her parents finding out about her love affair with Jason.

She shuddered at the thought, she loved her parents, a lot, but something told her that maybe they wouldn’t did Jason to be like she found him. She also knew she could be overthinking it entirely and they’d like the Criminal Psych Major that she knew all-too-well.

But overthinking was fun, apparently. And she couldn’t stop thinking the worst of so much.

------------------------------------------------

When she got changed and just threw on whatever the fuck she saw, she went out to go talk to A/N.

“Hey, nerd. I’m done,” Y/N said.

“Nerd? You’re the one dating the bookworm and you’re in criminal psychology,” she joked.

“Ha, ha. So, how are things with your lover? Have you secured him yet or are you just doing your own thing still?”

“Still just doing our own thing, don’t really have the time to date while getting my degree and working.”

“I mean, if it works for you I can’t throw judgment.”

“What about Jason? How’re things with you two?”

“You ever seen the Wayne Enterprises Ballroom before?”

“In pictures, why- Don’t tell me he took you there you lucky bitch?!”

“Then I just wont tell you,” she laughed.

“The Ballroom? Oh my god, that’s crazy, he's really pulling out all the stops to make you smile, huh?”

“I would do the same if I had more to offer, but I have barely anything since I bought that place in the dance competition across the country,” she said.

Y/N had bought a place in this competition before she met Jason, and she was heading to it on Saturday, in two days, and she actually had practiced the routine during downtime between her and Jason. She hadn’t exactly told Jason about this, and Jason had asked why she looked strained and like her muscles hurt, but that just never seemed like something you share with your casual partner, to her. She never seemed like her casual competitions were worth anything. A/N had begged to differ since Y/N had met her.

A/N said that Y/N had talent, that she could go somewhere, Y/N saw it as an extra circular that didn’t affect her much. She wasn’t the type of brag, and all her trophies were back home with her parents, anyway.

“Have you told him about your,” insert A/N’s heavy sarcasm, “’Casual’ competitions, yet?”

Idk what the hell happened with that line ya love to see it

“I’ll send him a quick text about it, I guess,” she sighed and sent just a quick, Hey, can’t have a date on Saturday-Sunday, forgot to tell you but I’m going to Cali for a quick dance competition, lol. My bad, shoulda said something.

“Why are you like this, be proud of your accomplishments, dammnit!”

“It’s a casual competition!”

“And you’re talented! I’m this close to just showing him videos of you going at it,” she said, exasperated.

“He already knows, we danced in the Ballroom.”

“Oh my lord,” she laughed, “You’re an enigma, if I had your amount of trophies I wouldn’t be hiding it.”

“Im’ not hiding it! It just kind of never came up.”

And he texted back, Oh damn, are you at least going to kill it? You better, I want to show the live broadcast to my family and brag.

She laughed, “See!”, she exclaimed, showing A/N the texts, “He doesn’t care like you do, nerd.”

A/N laughed, “Sure he doesn’t. Do you want to go to lunch, by the way? I’m bored off of my ass.”

“Sure, why the fuck not.”

“Go get dressed then, and I’ll do the same.”

“Okay okay, meet up in 10?”

“Yes ma’am.”

And off they went.

---------------------------

Y/N texted back Jason for a quick minute before getting dressed, Of course I’m going to kill it, my notes aren’t a representation of my dancing skills.

Well, I hope you win something. And text me. But mainly win something.

Of course I’ll text you, Jay. It gets boring at competitions.

You should go to a Wayne Gala then, god damn, those fuckin bastards are the most boring events this side of America.

Well maybe you’ll invite me one day.

I’ll probably have to if you show up on National TV. The press will finally know your name.

I hope I’m not on National TV then. Fuck the press.

Fuck the press indeed.

Since Y/N didn’t feel the need or want to dress up, she didn’t. Quick shirt and jeans and she was out the door. Sometimes she would dress up for lunch dates with her friends, just because she was bored as fuck and dressing up was fun, but she just didn’t want to do it today. Combat boots, jeans and a shirt were enough most days. You don’t have to be a model just because the press knows your face, she thought, you don’t.

“Who’s driving?” A/N asked.

“I can if you want. I don’t mind,” Y/N said as they walked to the beat up car they loved so much. It was nothing compared to the Porsche she had been in the night before, but it was still running, and you don’t fix something that ain’t broke.

“Maybe your boyfriend will buy you a new car,” A/N joked.

“If anything, he’d buy me a new computer, since mine is getting mailed to me and you’re going to love hearing the sounds that bitch makes,” she retorted.

“Is it bad?”

“Terrible. My sister called it a screaming electronic goat once,” she laughed, “I hate that fucking thing. But if it ain’t broke-”

“Don’t fix it, I know.”

“Exactly.”

--------------------------------------------------

For some reason, they decided in the car to go to McDonald's, because hey, it’s not like Y/N is on a dance diet or anything. She wasn’t, because she didn’t want to starve herself for the sake of winning a competition. That was even her thought process as she was younger and more vulnerable to her teachers, she always told them she’d never do that. Years later, she still stuck to that mindset.

They got out of the car and like fucking clockwork, the press was in her face.

“You! The girl with no name, Jason Todd’s girlfriend!”

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!” she whispered under her breath, “How do they always find me!”

“Tell us about yourself! Are you serious with Jason? How do you feel about his family? How-”

But then she had an idea,

“Quoi? Je parle pas l’Anglais? Qu’est-ce-que vous voulez?” she said, using her bilingual skills to her advantage.

“What? No I mean-”

“Pas de l’Anglais! Désolé mes amis!” and she ran off into the McDonald's with A/N.

“Did you just speak French to get them off your ass, you genius?”

“Spoke very broken French because I wasn’t thinking, but yeah, I did that.”

“I forget you’re multi-talented sometimes, you have a lot hidden under your belt and I try to treat you like a normal person but you’re far from it.”

“I appreciate you for trying, but I think with my new love affair, you aren’t going to get far with those attempts anymore, sorry,” she joked.

Jason texted her, Did you just speak French to avoid the press?

How do you know about that?

We were watching the news during a meeting and they said that you spoke French.

You got to do what you got to do to get by.

That is literally the most genius thing I’ve heard of anyone doing in so long. I think you’ve truly bamboozled them for a while and they might hop off of your back for a while.

You think so? ‘Cause I really hope that’s the case.

My siblings think it’s hilarious, and no one’s leaked that you are just joking with the press, so yeah, they might actually leave you alone.

Let’s fucking go. That is the news of the 21st century.

4 days of knowing each other and you’ve flipped off the press twice, outran them with me once, hid in the Wayne Enterprises Building with me and you’ve spoken French to bamboozle the press. That is impressive.

I feel like the press is going to hate me one day.

Probably. But they also hate most of us most days.

You should probably get back to work.

Yeah, talk to you soon.

She put her phone away and went to stand with A/N, who was waiting for their food.

“Talking to your lover?” she joked.

“When am I not doing that?”

“That’s valid.”

-----------------------------

Going on a lunch date with A/N made a little bit of the harassment just better. They both bonded over how they hated the press before her love affair with Jason, and how their opinions wouldn’t change much unless, knock on wood, one of them went missing. Y/N told her about all the cases where the press and the internet did so much to solve cases around the world, love or hate the press, they did do a lot for solving crime.

She also told A/N that Jason was related to Dr. Barry Allen and Clark Kent, two people the two of them knew well because of the news and the fact that A/N knew Y/N when she wanted to go into forensics and was reading Dr. Barry Allen’s work.

When her mother texted her.

Y/N? Is that you in the press running around with Jason Todd?

Yeah mum, why?

Are you two in a serious relationship?

No mum.

Then why are the vultures so obsessed with you, says your dad.

‘ Cause you two made a pretty girl and he’s high up in the world, I guess, I don’t know. I don’t really like the press.

I can tell. We’re not mad at you honey, but be careful. And your dad says when you two get serious he needs to take Jason fishing.

He doesn’t speak French, mum.

Dad says he’ll work on his English for you.

Well tell everyone I love them, mum.

She panicked a little bit, her parents were nice when they wanted to be, but they were strict, why wouldn’t they be. So this, while being a welcomed surprise. was still a little panicky.

“Your parents find out?”

“Yeah, they seem chill with it though.”

“Bing in the press sucks when you’re trying to keep your love life out of your parents' eyes, huh?”

“You could say that again,” she joked.

“Being in the press sucks when you’re-”

“I didn’t mean literally!” they laughed.

--------------------------------

Back at Wayne Enterprises, Jason was betting bombarded by his colleges, friends and family about Y/N and how she was able to get around the press’ constant harassment without flaw. And also because Bruce had seen the two enter the building at around 12am the night before. So Jason was called into Bruce’s office that day.

“1, I know everyone is bombarding you, so you can hide out here, son, 2, you and Y/N didn’t have sex in your office right?”

“God no, dad. We just hid here because security is tight as fuck and unable to get past.”

“I saw you two kissing on the cams and heading into your office, Jay.”

“Okay, okay, but we didn't have sex and the intentions were there, dad!”

“Uh huh, pretty girl in your, my, car.”

“Dad, stop it,” he joked.

“Well, her little shenanigans with the press are very amusing, have you told her that?”

“I have.”

“She’s basically not afraid to tell them what we all think.”

“That’s what I said, dad.”

“Well, hold onto that one and don’t let her go.”

“Do you regret doing that with Talia?” Jason asked.

“God no, she’s insane. The son I got out of her antics is literally her spitting image, so if I need to be reminded of her I can just go talk to Damien for a couple minutes.”

“Dami’s a lot like you too, don’t act like his personality is just Talia, he acts like his dad in every aspect and you know that.”

“Lord help any woman or man that kid goes on to date, my god,” the two of them laughed. It was the small things with Bruce that made Jason happy to be a Wayne, even if he didn’t share the last name. Jason grew up on the streets and even before that, his mum and dad didn’t have a lot of money, so the amounts of money that Bruce could shower on him was a lot, but he was okay with just working for his money. And Bruce knew that.

He spent a lot of his workday in Bruce’s office, hiding from the rest of the office, and texting Will.

She knows about your kid.

Well, she’s a good kid. I’m glad you’re bragging about her, means I raised her right.

Shut up. I love that little girl and I’ve helped raise her, Will.

You’re used to my new name?

I changed your contact to Will when you changed your name, so I could remember that that’s your name now and not Roy. I’m hoping I remember it in person though. It would be awkward if I forgot my best friend’s name.

It would be funny to look back on, though.

Like how your relationship with Jade is funny now?

Never stick your dick in crazy.

I wish you would have listened to that sometimes, but then I remember Lian is amazing.

I’m a cliché of dumb choices, what can I say Jaybird.

----------------------

In Y/N’s house, she would always play loud and sad music when she had the chance, some people thought her mental state was fucked, which sometimes it was, but most of the time the sad music went harder than the happy tunes you would catch from the other side of the house.

But even if music was blasting the loudest it could ever be, somehow she would still find herself lost in her thoughts, whether it was new dance routines or a story she would scribble down in her dream journal. there was something about those little fits of artistic passion she would experience from time-to-time.

It’s hard to put into words how those moments reminded her of the simplier times before sh was thrust into stardom, but also how they reminded her of Jason, and untouched mind she longed to know further. She knew there was so much more to the boy she had gone on dates with.

She would end up ignoring her phone for most of the rest of that day, just because she wanted peace and quiet, when A/N’s lover came over and she had to turn the music up louder so she wouldn’t be disrupted by the obvious.

I just got off of work, how are you? How’s your day been? Jason had texted Y/N while she ws turning up the music.

Well, I just had to turn up my music because my roommate’s lover is over, but other than that I’ve been enjoying peace and quiet in my room, waiting for something to do.

Is texting me something to do?

Yes.

That’s sweet of you. Work was boring though so I hope you don’t expect a story.

I don’t, don’t worry. You don’t always need a story for something to do.

Well, I’m going home with my brothers and dad, and we’re probably going to play office chair racing because I’m a bad boy.

You’re a bad boy?

Was that not funny?

It was pretty funny, isn’t that dangerous though?

Yeah actually, my brother broke his leg playing it and another time my little sister broke her leg playing it.

It seems fun but like, damn, two people have gotten injured playing that game, y’know.

Well if I die it’ll be a fun story!

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