#this is extremely late but I got busy and it took forever to finish this review

[ikroah]

A girl can get somewhere in spite of stringy hair or even just a bit bowed at the knees if she can show a faultless…personality! —“Personality,” Johnny Mercer and the Pied Pipers (1946)

It Keeps Right On a-Hurtin’ #26 - Ring-a-Ding-Ding V

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Notes / Original Pencils / Transcript:

Notes:

ohhhhh my god why did i make this script so long my hand hurts this took forever aaaaagh

Welcome to the Lucky 38! This is a script that has remained basically the same for a long time but went through COUNTLESS extremely small rewrites over the course of production just to really nail Mr. House's dialogue. He's a long-winded guy, this whole issue is basically just him doing monologues, and I wanted to make sure it was all interesting and non-repetitive. I think I took out at least three uses of "merely" from the first draft.

One of the biggest production decisions of this issue was whether or not to cut the scene with Agnes and Cass and Victor, which immediately follows the end of the previous issue. The reason to include it was because it very necessarily established the change in location from the Vegas Strip to the Lucky 38 penthouse, which would have been jarring otherwise; the reason to exclude it was that it the issue was already extremely long and I thought opening right on Mr. House would have been more impactful. Ultimately, I did keep it, which was a good decision, but only because of the literally issue-saving idea to convey it as closed-circuit television footage instead of actual panels. Every single attempt at overlaying them with the lead-in to Mr. House was way too busy, but that idea really tied the page together like a nice rug.

And lastly, the framing device of the tarantula and the tarantula hawk was actually an extremely late addition to the comic. I had already finished the first three pages when I thought of it. My problem was that Mr. House's constant monologuing and Agnes' sad expressions got pretty repetitive. I needed something to break the action up while adding thematic heft and artistic variety. I've become a real enthusiast for wasps and tarantulas over the last couple months, so this one really was just a stroke of luck. It took only minimal revisions to make room for the framing device, with the most dramatic change being the complete replacement of the last page (which was originally just a splash page of the Lucky 38 in Vegas; bookending the first and last pages is so much better). So you see, the only reason for weaving a scene into this issue of a skittish desert-wanderer getting paralyzed and dragged toward a certain demise by a predator almost perfectly evolved to destroy it was just that I like bugs a lot. That's the only reason, yep.

Original Pencils:

Due to all of the photo-collage in the final version of the comic, there's a lot of panels and details that I (thankfully!) didn't have to draw myself. Sorry that the pencil isn't blue on the last three pages, I've been on the move for the holidays so they got scanned in grayscale by accident.

I did experiment with drawing the tarantula framing device myself, but ultimately went with the photo-collage method because the artistic juxtaposition actually made it much more readable when interspersed with the proceedings in the Lucky 38.

Transcript:

EXT. DESERT OUTSIDE OF NEW VEGAS. The city glitters in the distance, nestled between the shadows of mountains, with the spire of the LUCKY 38 towering above all else.

In the wilderness, a TARANTULA emerges from its burrow.

EXT. THE NEW VEGAS STRIP. On closed-circuit television monitors, a SECURITRON ROBOT approaches AGNES SANDS and ROSE OF SHARON CASSIDY, saying

VICTOR: Well howdy, partner! Fancy meetin' again here in Vegas!

CASS: What the fuck?

AGNES: Victor?

Unlike the usual police units, VICTOR's robotic "face" is that of a cowboy.

VICTOR: And heck, ya clean up nice! Sure lookin' a lot better now than when I rustled ya outta the bone orchard back in Goodsprings*--

CAP: *As was explained to Agnes way back in IKROAH #2. --Lou

VICTOR: --so how's about ol' Vic skips the rigamarole, huh? 'Fore all my yappin' makes ya want to go back, heh-heh-heh! I'm the welcome wagon, see. I'm to come and collect ya.

CASS: Agnes--

VICTOR: Boss wants t'see you, is what I'm sayin'.

AGNES: Boss?

VICTOR: Only of all of Vegas, friend!

CASS: Agnes.

MEANWHILE, the TARANTULA crawls beneath the starlight.

VICTOR: So why don't we mosey on over to the Lucky 38? And your good pal can come along, too!

CASS: I need to know what the fuck is going on, right now.

AGNES: I...I don't know.

VICTOR: And y'know, boss ain't ever let a soul inside before, least for not as long as I've been rollin' around on my spurs, so this ain't just an everyday social call, mind...

On the closed-circuit television monitors, VICTOR escorts AGNES and CASS to the entryway of the LUCKY 38.

VICTOR: ...but heck, I reckon ya'll oughta get along like franks on a fire! So come on! Lift's in the lobby here, and up to the top floor--and we can get the formalities out of the way before ya'll get [cut off]

INT. THE LUCKY 38 PENTHOUSE.

AGNES stands awestruck, looking upward, bathed in electronic green light. With horror, she ekes out a single question.

AGNES: ...what are you?

???: A "Hello" would have been preferable, but it'll take more than a crude faux pas to tarnish this moment. Who I am, Agnes--

What AGNES is looking at is a gigantic SUPERCOMPUTER and terminal, flanked by closed-circuit television monitors and guarded on both sides by SECURITRON police units. On the supercomputer's massive screen is the green-lit image of a face. The face

MR. HOUSE: --is ROBERT EDWIN HOUSE. The President, CEO, and sole proprietor of New Vegas--and more to the point, the intended recipient of a long delayed package.

AGNES: Oh, you...you mean the platinum chip?

MR. HOUSE: Correct. It's a...very precious artifact of the old world.

MR. HOUSE: My world, once.

In the back of the room, beyond AGNES, is an oil painting of MR. HOUSE, standing outside in front of what must have been a very large robot.

MR. HOUSE: In that world, I was the founder of RobCo Industries--a titan of innovation. We created a litany of robotic solutions for diverse markets, such as the Securitrons that you see here, and even a line of consumer-grade devices like the wrist-mounted Pip-Boy. But the platinum chip was, more than any other, my design. It was my vision.

MR. HOUSE: But it never left the factory in which it was originally made. Before it could even cool off from its assembly...we had the Great War. An international, thermonuclear bombardment of unimaginable power that annihilated the world in all of two hours.

MR. HOUSE: But not the entire world. Not Vegas. Not my Paradise. From my fortress of the Lucky 38, I saw to that. But as for the rest of the world, and my platinum chip--it took generations.

MR. HOUSE: First for the scarce remnants of humanity to crawl out from under their rocks, and for the world to at least resemble a functioning society again in which to do trade. And then for the work itself--of countless scavengers, treasure-seekers, and the like, all contracted to comb over the wreckage of Sunnyvale. It cost millions of caps, and later, New California dollars. And a not insignificant piece of my pre-war fortune as well. I, quite literally, moved mountains.

MR. HOUSE: I do not believe in providence, Agnes, but I do believe in destiny. How else to explain it? It was pristine when it was found. Neither the bombs nor the passage of time had so much as scuffed its sheen. But still...its value far transcended the mere market price of pure platinum.

MR. HOUSE: Amusingly, despite the discovery, I was still only as close to acquiring the chip as I had been originally in 2077. A final ordeal remained for me: how to ensure the safety of the platinum chip en route to its destination, from Sunnyvale to Vegas, without broadcasting its preciousness to thieves, armies, and raiders--or worse, to heavily armed fetishists for pre-war technology like the Brotherhood of Steel?

MR. HOUSE: Misdirection. Through a network of anonymous liaisons, I contracted the Mojave Express for a batch of deliveries, all superficially similar knick-knacks, to various intermediaries of myself. All but one of the orders were totally worthless decoys. But your identity as the carrier of the one genuine item was somehow compromised, leading to you getting attacked, and to the second disappearance of the chip.

MR. HOUSE: But look around you. Look where you are. You've made it, haven't you?

AGNES, still staring up at the visage of MR. HOUSE on-screen, doesn't respond. She frowns, nervous. The SECURITRONS guarding MR. HOUSE observe her stoically.

MR. HOUSE: Let me clarify: I had nothing to do with Benny's ambush. Heavens no! It goes completely against my interests. It would have been a perfectly quotidian day's work for you if not for his, and I stress, unexpected involvement. The platinum chip...belies its significance. For Benny to have not only discovered its delivery route but possibly enough of that significance to motivate such an act, this constituted a very troubling breach of my security. And I had been looking into it...but in a way, the issue seems to have resolved itself. Hm?

MR. HOUSE: A wild card. Now removed from the deck.

AGNES' gaze sinks to the floor.

MEANWHILE, a small shadow blots out the starlight in the desert outside of Vegas. It flies over the exploring TARANTULA.

AGNES looks back up at MR. HOUSE.

AGNES: I killed him.

HOUSE: So you did. I only wish that we could have spoken before you went rogue on my former protégé: if this story breaks, I can grant you amnesty, but not without controversy. And your infamy as an assassin could make our further arrangements quite difficult.

AGNES: Um...I didn't think there would be more to it than delivering the--

MR. HOUSE: Oh! Of course, of course! My apologies. Two hundred years of anticipation and yet I'm still getting ahead of myself. Well--would you mind? I've been waiting a long time for my mail.

The SECURITRON closest to AGNES wheels forward with its claw outstretched. AGNES reaches her fingers into a pocket beneath the belt of her dress to produce it: the PLATINUM CHIP. She holds it in her hand for a brief moment.

MEANWHILE, the shadow descends; the TARANTULA HAWK engages the TARANTULA.

AGNES relinquishes the PLATINUM CHIP to the SECURITRON.

MR. HOUSE: Thank you--it's a relief to pay for this chip for the final time.

The SECURITRON inserts the PLATINUM CHIP into a slot in MR. HOUSE'S supercomputer, feeding it into the drive with a CLIK.

MEANWHILE, the TARANTULA is fighting the TARANTULA HAWK.

From behind AGNES, another SECURITRON presents her with a stack of NEW CALIFORNIA REPUBLIC DOLLARS, which she gingerly takes in her hand and looks over.

MR. HOUSE: And I trust that you're satisfied with the agreed-upon compensation from the delivery contract, yes?

AGNES: Yeah, it's...it's fine...I'll be going now. Thanks.

MR. HOUSE: Oh? But you've only just arrived. I insist that you make yourself at home.

SFX: KZZSZZZTTT

The faces on the screens of the SECURITRONS in MR. HOUSE'S penthouse suddenly change from policemen to soldiers. AGNES recoils and tries to step away.

AGNES: H-hey, uh--

MEANWHILE, the TARANTULA HAWK pierces the underbelly of the TARANTULA with its stinger.

SECURITRONS surround AGNES.

MR. HOUSE: You are the first guest ever through the doors of the Lucky 38, you know. Nobody has so much as checked a coat inside since the war, so this meeting confers you a significant level of privilege...and inevitable celebrity. The people of Vegas have always gossiped, after all. Many have even clawed at the door desperately with dreams of being where you now stand. Surely you can comprehend how this compulsion to leave after such a deliberate and remarkable invitation risks considerable insult--to both myself and my citizenry? And very deliberate this invitation was. Don't you realize: if handing off my package was all for which you were needed, why wouldn't I have just had Victor relieve you of the chip outside? No, no, you see, as necessary as its acquisition was, the chip is ultimately just a key, for unlocking a new frontier...of possibilities.

MR. HOUSE: Possibilities for prosperity, peace, and technological advancement that haven't been seen in two hundred years. Possibilities greater than anything the New California Republic or Caesar's Legion could dream of, let alone achieve, by playing pretend in the clothes of their forebearers and convincing everyone else that it's statecraft. Possibilities--which if they key is turned by human hands--become certainties.

AGNES (a whisper): Are you not human?

MR. HOUSE: Don't let the video screens and computer terminals fool you: I am a living human. No less so than you. I just live with a particular set of, well...handicaps.

AGNES: You said you'd waited hundreds of years to--

MR. HOUSE: One could argue that the world has been waiting hundreds of years for this moment. Waiting for me. For the chip. For the long-dormant doors of the Lucky 38 to finally open, to a single and specially ordained individual: you, Agnes. And there are tremendous things waiting for us, waiting for us to accomplish them, together. I certainly couldn't do them with Benny. What do you say?

MEANWHILE, the TARANTULA has become completely paralyzed by the TARANTULA HAWK'S venom. The TARANTULA HAWK seizes its prey.

AGNES: ...no.

MR. HOUSE: I'm sorry--"No?"

AGNES: Yes--I mean, no. No! I don't want to help you! I...

Tears well in AGNES' eye.

AGNES: ...I just want to go back home.

MR. HOUSE: ...I see. Hmm.

MR. HOUSE: How do I put this in a way you'll understand?

MR. HOUSE: The die is cast.

AGNES, crying, looks up at MR. HOUSE again. Fear bulges on her face.

MR. HOUSE: Throughout the long delivery of this chip, several precise plans and fortuitous coincidences have aligned in just such a way as to make you, you specifically at this exact juncture, an irreplaceable asset in the ongoing endeavor of this wounded world's recovery from otherwise hopeless ruin.

MR. HOUSE: Your cooperation going forward is not merely crucial to this endeavor's success, but it's utterly non-negotiable. Should you entertain the moral issue of what's at stake, it's obligatory, even. It's why your refusal comes as such a...genuine surprise. Can't you see?

MR. HOUSE: I'm not a fascist, Agnes--I would never force you. But given the circumstances, I'm entitled, wouldn't you agree, to at least a brief demonstration of my vision? The vision that the platinum chip promises? Victor has surely seen your companion to the presidential suite by now--my other Securitrons can escort you to the basement, where I'm sure you can make a...properly informed decision.

The SECURITRONS close in on AGNES, who screams in protest.

AGNES: No! I said no! I already delivered your chip, I--I killed Benny! I-- I-- ...what do you want with me!?

MR. HOUSE: Haven't you been listening? I want what's best for you--for us. I know it's a lot, but bear with me for one moment longer, and I can assure you--that this is the beginning of something very incredible.

MEANWHILE, the TARANTULA HAWK has dragged the paralyzed TARANTULA back to the entrance of its own burrow.

The TARANTULA HAWK shoves its helpless prey into the hole, and then crawls in after it.

The TARANTULA is not seen again.

[propertyofyoutube]

I saw your post about wanting to write more in-depth fluff and I have this moment I have thought about for so long that I can’t wait for it to happen with a partner! So…I was thinking the reader gets home from work one day before either Sam or Colby (either works great you choose! Or both we won’t judge👀) and she’s baking in the kitchen after a somewhat stressful day and so when they come home they see her in the kitchen and watch her for a minute before getting her attention and then they come up and hug her from behind and then their song starts playing in her speaker and they start to slow dance in the kitchen together!! (I am so extremely sorry if this is too long I just think about this moment wayyyyyyy too much!)

Summary: you had just finished an almost 10 hour shift at the restaurant, that you worked at whilst you patiently waited for your music career to take off. You expected Colby to be waiting for you seen as you were 4 hours later than expected, but when you arrived home to an empty house, starving and exhausted, your sadness finally tipped over the edge.

WARNINGS: NO SMUT! just pure fluff and Colby cuteness🥺

REQUESTS OPEN!!

———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

It was late on a Saturday night, your feet burned and your head pulsated as you stepped out of your car. Being understaffed in a restaurant on a Saturday was truly the worst nightmare for anyone in the hospitality business. So being asked to stay until the close after your shift had ended, was something you’d much rather not be doing. But ‘money… money for my music’ was all that ran through your head.

As you made your way across the driveway to the front door, you were too tired to notice that Colby’s car was not there. You thought about his arms wrapping around you and how in a few moments, everything would feel so much better.

As you stepped into the homely decorated hallway, you called out loudly, “baby, I’m home!” You kicked off your shoes, putting them neatly on the rack as there was no reply. You looked around confused as you took off your jacket. “Colbs?” You waited, still no reply. As you walked into the main sitting room it wasn’t long before you accepted the fact that you were alone. You sighed as you felt your eyes burn and your heart pound. You knew that you needed to cry. To let it all out. But your stifling headache and exhausted muscles physically didn’t have the energy anymore. You wanted a shower, you felt disgusting but your stomach growled louder than a scared wolf, desperately in need of food.

You headed into the kitchen, and stopped still. Looking around at the moderately clean surfaces. You felt as though your thought process was damaged from the stress of that evil shift. You took a deep breath before speaking clearly, “Alexa…” the device quickly flashed blue, “play y/f/m.” As Alexa confirmed and your favourite music began to play through the small speaker, you thought it might make you feel better… as much as it helped, you still felt like you wanted to tuck into a ball and stay there forever.

your stomach rumbled one last time, snapping you out of your spinning thoughts, you quickly headed to the refrigerator taking out the ingredients to make gory favourite dinner. You even collected double the ingredients just in case Colby was hungry when he got home.

As you stood at the stove, your eyes desperately wanting to pour, your weight balance constantly shifting from one foot to the other due to the burning pain on your soles, you stirred the homemade sauce as it thickened with each turn. The front door opened but the music drowned out the sound as you became oblivious to the arrival of Colby.

He walked into the kitchen, stopping at the doorway a smile plastered across his face as he watched you nod your head to the beat, your arm clinging to the silicone spatula as it rotated around the pan. There was nothing he loved more than to see you, especially when you don’t see him, simply doing absolutely anything. You reached to side, without looking, as you picked up your wine glass taking a sip as you sighed. Colby knew you only drank wine before your dinner if you’d had a bad day. Suddenly, you reached your arm back out as you went to place the wine glass back down, but once again your eyes stayed on your sauce and as the glass touched the worktop, you let go, but as you pulled your arm away, your tired hands hadn’t released fully as you knocked it over. Your wine spilling across the worktop, catching you by surprise as you finally snapped, “oh for fuck sake!” You shouted loudly as you stepped back on the verge of tears.

“Oh baby!” Colby chuckled as he ran to the rescue. You jumped out of your skin, unaware of his presence as you spun around quickly, “fuck Colby! You scared me!” You said without a chuckle in return. Colby noticed the distress on your voice as he reached you, taking the paper towels from your hand as you tried to hold back tears. He looked at you concerned as you took a deep breath.

“Thank you.” You said softly as you continued stirs g your sauce. You wanted to explode, but knew it wouldn’t be fair on Colby to have to deal with a meltdown, and you physically didn’t think you had the energy to breakdown.

After Colby finished cleaning up the wine, he quickly grabbed the bottle without saying another word and refilled your glass. You felt guilty for snapping at him, you just felt like you couldn’t take anymore today. You couldn’t look at him as you whispered softly, your voice cracking with each word, “I’m sorry baby. I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

“No need to be sorry.” He said as he filled up your glass. Your eyes stayed glued to the pan as you stirred over and over again. Suddenly you felt Colby hands snake around your waist as his head appeared next to yours, his chin on your shoulder and his arms holding you tightly. For the first time tonight you shoulders relaxed slightly. You were right, being his arms did make things feel that little bit better.

“What’s wrong, baby?” Colby asked his voice riddled with concern.

You sighed as your lip quivered, your voice struggling to squeeze out afraid of opening the flood gates, “just had a stressful day.” You said. Colby’s heart broke at the sound of sadness in your voice.

“Oh baby.” Colby said as he gave you squeeze and turned his head to kiss your cheek. His warm lips and tight grip helping you calm your heart rate.

“My head hurts, my legs hurt, my feet hurt…” you whined slightly as Colby continued to kiss your neck and your cheek. Suddenly, yours and Colby’s song began to play. Colby couldn’t help but smile as he began to sway you back and forth.

“Well… do you wanna know why I weren’t home?” Colby said with a chuckle. Your body finally started to relax slightly as you both swayed to the music, your hand still stirring the sauce.

“I’m all ears baby,” you said as your lips finally curved slightly into a small smile.

“I was out shopping… I figured you’d been asked to stay late and after 2 hours and still no sign of you, I thought you might like to have a special night.” He said with so much love on his voice.

You turned you head to look at him, your eyebrows frowning confused, “what do you mean?”

Colby spun you to face him, “I got you a new bath bomb… your favourite.” Your face lit up as he spoke, “and some candles…” you bit your lip in excitement thinking of where your night was headed. Colby grabbed your arms pulling them away from your spatula.

“Baby! I need to cook!” You said with a chuckle.

“There it is!” Colby said excitedly as he began to dance with you, your eyes glued to his as you could see all of the love in his eyes, “that beautiful smile.”

You couldn’t help but smile wide. He always managed to make you feel better, without you even knowing just how he does it. You quickly leaned in, giving his a sweet kiss, your lips pressed together. “I love you.” You said honestly as you pulled back slightly. “Thank you… for everything.”

Colby smiled wider as he leaned down kissing you softly once more, “I love you more baby… you don’t have to thank me. I will forever do whatever I can to make my girl happy.” Colby suddenly spun you around as you laughed. As you landed back in his arms he quickly dipped you down, his lips quickly reconnecting with yours. As he pulled back he looked into your eyes, your leg still in this air as he held you up, “there one more surprise baby…” he said with a smirk.

He quickly stood you up as walked away, back into the hallway, leaving if you watching confused. You quickly turned back to your sauce to ensure it wasn’t burning. Your eyes still watching the door for his return. Soon enough, Colby appeared with the biggest bunch of flowers in his hand.

“Your favourite.” He said with a proud look on his face.

“How did I get so lucky?” You giggled as you couldn’t fight a yawn.

Colby laughed as he walked over to you, leaning across to kiss you on your cheek. “The real question is…” Colby said with a smirk, “is there enough of that for dinner me too? Because damn, it looks so good.”

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[rainbowsalt0412]

Osamu Dazai And The Dark Era - Afterword

Good evening. Asagiri here.

I ordered the late Sakunosuke Oda's favorite Osaka-style curry online and tried it. It was extremely spicy, but good. But also extremely spicy. My hand was basically glued to my water glass. The moment I finished, I started planning when I would eat it next. It was that kind of curry. I apologize to anyone reading this in the middle of the night.

Anyway, this is the second Bungo Stray Dogs novel: Osamu Dazai andthe Dark Era. While Osamu Dazai's Entrance Exam took place two years before the comics, this novel takes place four years earlier and is about Dazai's life as a Mafia executive. The title inspiration came from the artist Pablo Picasso's first works (as a young man) known as the Blue Period. The author Osamu Dazai was rather wild in his younger years, but the Dazai in Bungo Stray Dogshad his own dark days as a youth, too.

Now, if I may digress.

The substance of this novel came to life because of a certain photograph. Authors Osamu Dazai, Sakunosuke Oda, and Ango Sakaguchi were part of a school of writers known as the Buraiha, or libertines. They would gather at a bar in Ginza, drink, and talk about the literary world, novels, their family, and everything in between.

There's actually a photo of them talking and having a good time that you can find at the Kanagawa Museum of Modern Literature (taken by the photographer Tadahiko Hayashi). Osamu Dazai is trying to act all cool with his legs on the stool, Sakunosuke Oda is facing the camera and smiling, and Ango Sakaguchi has a hand on his glass while listening to Dazai's story. They're so relaxed that it's hard to believe they're in front of a camera (especially when you consider that cameras back then were huge and the flashbulbs had to be changed with every shot). You can really tell they got along. Not only are these three authors pillars of the literary world, but they seemed to be really close as well. I guess you could even call them 'Friends.' Such wonderful, sympathetic relationships aren't easy to come by, and you can't simply take them back if you lose them. That's something even normal people like us can understand.

Then, only nine days after the picture was taken, Sakunosuke Oda passed away from a lung hemorrhage due to tuberculosis.

Osamu Dazai wrote 'Oda! You did well' in his eulogy for the funeral. Not too long after that, he and Ango Sakaguchi also departed from this world, and now all that's left is this picture of them. The starting point of this story came from what will never again return, something forever sealed within a strip of film.

As you know, the characters in BungoStrayDogsdon't share everything in common with their real-life counterparts. There are a number of discrepancies in the series's setting that contradict historical fact (for example, it was actually Osamu Dazai who looked up to Ryuunosuke Akutagawa). I have no qualms with readers treating these as entities independent from the actual history.

However, my belief is that the faint glimmers these individuals left behind for future generations (such as the lines written in their stories, or that something within the aforementioned photo) are the very nature of a great author. So to stretch the point a bit, I feel as though this series wouldn't be able to live up to its name—Bungo—without these glimmers.

Enough serious talk. I just wanted to express my gratitude to everyone for their support and love for the series. Thanks to you all, we are planning on a third novel. I'm going to be extremely busy releasing four comics and three novels within a year, but I really hope you look forward to the continuation of the Bungo Stray Dogsuniverse.

Last but not least, I would like to thank my amazing partner Sango Harukawa for yet again drawing such beautiful illustrations and cool characters. I'd also like to thank the editors, advertisers, agencies, bookstores, and you, the reader! Thank you all so much.

Let us meet again in the next volume.

KAFKA ASAGIRI

***

[galacticlamps]

I was tagged by @terryfphanatics​ (thanks! sorry I took forever - I started answering these & didn’t finish and just remembered it was in my drafts)

What book are you currently reading?

The Two Towers! which upsets me bc I’ve been at it since August (technically - I wasn’t ‘at it’ in, uh, October, November, December, January, or February, for lack of time - but I’m back at it now, and I even convinced myself to start over from the beginning so I didn’t forget anything)

What's your favourite movie you saw in a cinema this year?

sorry but the last time I went to a movie theater was probably in 2017, 2018 at the latest, so... yeah I’ve got nothing

What do you usually wear?

jeans, boots, at this point in the winter usually some combination of flannels, sweaters and/or sweatshirts. (I’ve been really cold lately)

How tall are you?

5′6″ ish

What's your star sign?

capricorn

Do you share your birthday with a celebrity or historical event?

I do, yeah

Do you go by your name or a nickname?

mostly nicknames, I have quite a few at this point. I’ve yet to pick one to use on here, I should probably do that soon, I’ve been meaning to for years now

Did you grow up to be what you wanted to be as a child?

I don’t recall ever wanting to be anything in particular as a child, honestly, but I can say that so far I’ve pretty much stuck to the career path that first caught my interest in high school, if that counts

Are you in a relationship? Who is your crush if not?

nope! and it’s been a very long time since I’ve had a serious crush either, which I’m honestly grateful for. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship at this exact point in my life anyway, so I’m just gonna keep vaguely admiring every funny girl who’s kind to me for the time being without actually developing feelings for her. I hope It seems to be going well so far mostly

What's something you're good at versus something you're bad at?

(I’m trying to think of two that relate to each other)

I am very good at drawing objects and not at all good at drawing people! technical plans are something I’ve dealt with extensively both academically & professionally, but in the more general sense I’ve always been an ‘I can’t draw’ person. tbh I should find some of those artists who complain about backgrounds and just do all their architecture etc for them

Dogs or cats?

nothing against dogs but cats for sure, always cats

What's something you'd like to create content for?

not to sound like a jerk, but I work in the arts industry & really hate the place ‘content creation’ has come to occupy in everyone’s vocabulary, even though I totally realize that in a context like this it’s probably just trying to be a vague enough term to be inclusive of the many different things people can create. I like writing the fanfic that I do, so without switching subjects, I would like to get better at drawing people because sometimes I have ideas that would be better expressed as images or even short comics

What's something you're currently obsessed with?

Obsessing over 60s who is my baseline so I don’t think that counts - but it’s been almost a month since I watched Holding Achilles & there have only been hours when I didn’t think of it, not entire days

What's something you were excited about that turned out to be disappointing this year?

Ngl, (& not to be a total downer, but) the last 12 months-ish have been an extremely busy/hectic/unpredictable year for me, with both the good & the bad stuff coming out of left field most of the time. So while there were certainly more than enough disappointments, for the most part, they weren’t the kinds of things you could be excited about beforehand (relatives dying, people fighting, strained relationships, illnesses, work stuff in a perpetual state of flux - or as I’ve taken to calling it: death disease & dubious employment). I suppose there were a lot of events I wanted to make it to that I didn’t, due to the aforementioned junk, and I certainly imagined myself getting to read more books & write more fics than I did, but that doesn’t feel like a good specific answer.

What's a hidden talent of yours?

I suppose that depends who you ask? There are lots of work or work-adjacent skills I could name that would be news to people on here, but those are such prominent parts of my life otherwise that they definitely don’t feel ‘hidden.’ But I guess even among people who expect me to be handy/crafty, more overtly artistic things tend to surprise them - like I’ve had people forget that I was the one who painted something, for instance, because that’s not the kind of skill most associate with me. (and I am very good with color & pigment tbh)

Are you religious?

nah. I’m not like, a committed atheist or anything either, I just grew up catholic & don’t go in for that anymore, nor do I have any desire to go seek out another faith

What's something you wish to have at this moment?

time uh, let’s say a haircut

tagging people kinda seems rude after taking multiple months to come up with so many kind of non-answers oops, but if anyone would like to copy the questions, either as an opportunity to do a little q&a or an excuse to tag/ask your friends, be my guest

[seokwoosmole]

My Ranking of Songs From B.I's COSMOS

7. Buddy Buddy

Hanbin really is the king of friendzone songs isn't he😭Despite the bittersweet lyrics, this song is actually quite cute, in the way Remember Me (from Waterfall) is – the melody feels very playful but the meaning of the song is really sad and deep. The chorus is scarily catchy (in the same way Remember Me is too). While this song is my least favorite on the album, I still really enjoy it.

6. Flame

Lyrically, this song is superior – then again, what B.I song isn't? I love the video too (the choreo was executed beautifully as always) and all the references to his real life. The blurring and face covering was such a MC moment. I'm terrible at distinguishing instrumentals but whatever that buzzing-like sound was gave such flavor to the track. Tbh, it's not a song I listen to very often, but I appreciate its significance and the quality is still there, it's just not my usual vibe.

5. Alive

Again, the lyrics are amazing on this track – definitely gave me WATERFALL vibes. I loved the musicality of this song though; the chorus is so catchy and I love the instrumentals too. The rap is so good too, so pleasing to the ear – not just because it was delivered in B.I's beautiful voice but the rhythm was perfect too.

4. NERD (feat. Colde)

Soooo many things to say about this track! While there are some similarities, I think there is a pretty clear distinction musically between B.I and iKON songs. But this song felt like a good mix of both. I think many songs with the B.I touch in general radiate a sense of warmth and comfort – this one definitely does. I love how it's musically a calm and mellow song and the rap and vocals match that vibe. Also, I discovered Colde through this song! I've never heard him sing before but I love his voice! It's just so smooth but it has great texture to it and it complemented Hanbin's excellently.

3. Lover

"Fun" is such a boring word, but I can't think of a better one to describe this song. One of my favorite things about songs with B.I is his ad-libs and the way he plays with lyrical and vocal execution (i.e. iKON's Bling Bling [bling bling!], Lee Hi's No One [ttokttok nan yeogi isso], B.I's Remember Me [brrrr]). I love that "shot me down bang bang [bang bang!]". It's adorable and such a satisfying ad-lib. Honestly, his voice during this whole song is so audibly aesthetic – when he rapped, every word bled and blended into each other in such a beautiful way. Also I just love B.I love songs lyrically.

2. COSMOS

Honestly, this song made me so nervous – I mean, like prior to hearing it. illa illa is such an amazing song – musically, lyrically, and production-wise; it's one of my favorite songs in general and I truly believe it's one of the best songs of all time. So I was a bit nervous as to how B.I could step up his game for his comeback when the last one was so no pun intended iconic. But my doubts were useless! Never doubt Kim Hanbin – that's a valuable lesson I learned. I've ben tying Hanbin to sad and angsty songs so much that I forgot that he's just as capable of writing blissfully happy ones. This song really was such a good choice for the title track of this comeback. After all the angst and struggle and sad times, a lighthearted, happy, whimsical song like this is exactly what ID needed. This is one of those songs that gives you serotonin through your earbuds. I dare you to be sad after listening to this song – actually, you will be, because it's over. Like, whoever this song is written for has got to be the absolute luckiest most loved human being in the world...or shall I say cosmos. From the cheerful melody to the sweet lyrics, the whole song radiates happiness and love in the air.

1. NINETEEN

THIS. Just THIS. If COSMOS gave me happiness, NINETEEN gave me something I could relate to. THIS is my illa illa. I deeply feel for Hanbin seeing these lyrics and what meaning they hold for him, but I also empathized with a lot of them too. One of Hanbin's greatest writing talents is being able to so vividly paint a picture of a certain emotion and make you feel it, and he's done it here. He's so accurately portrayed the struggles of youth and not wanting to mature knowing that adulthood only brings more struggles. And if the lyrics and meaning behind the song weren't enough, musically it's spectacular. I love that (what I think is) electric guitar intro and the almost early 2000s punk-rock vibe to the song, the strong heavy beat, and THAT CHORUS?? AMUGEOTDO CHAEGIMJIGO SIPJI ANA!! PLEASE!! I cannot think of many songs with a hard-hitting chorus like that that make me want to scream the lyrics out and headbang this bad. This song is utter perfection and will not be getting over it for a very long time.

[dejwritesarchived]

♡ ˙ ˖ ✧ — you're my best friend i love you forever. ( she/her pronouns, afab reader, female anatomy, shelly & jay isn't together in this [but i do not vilify her in this at all], college au, jay's hurt probably bumped drake take care album tbh, angst to fluff to smut, the fluff got thrown out the window tbh, suggestive content, slight breeding kink, mating press, mutual pinning trope, practicing writing soft smut, no hardcore kinks in this, dedicated to my sis @indiecursor , minors dni )

for more windbreaker content, click here.

RAIN CLASPED AGAINST YOUR WINDOW HARSHLY AS YOU WERE IN YOUR ROOM. The sound of Lauryn Hill hummed out your Bluetooth speaker as you were finishing up some work. The end of your pen tapped at your lip as you were trying to figure out the answer to the equation on the paper. Your roommate had left for the evening to spend the night at her boyfriend's place, so it was a bit relaxing having the whole place to yourself.

You didn't have to worry about asking if her boyfriend was coming over (to prevent the sleepless nights of them keeping you up), nor did you have to worry about her hogging up the hot water. The evening was going great. You showered, ate some pretty good takeout, and now was stuck cramming in the multiple math equations you've been avoiding. Your thoughts were interrupted by the sound of your phone ringing, you saw the familiar picture of your best friend Jay flash on your phone. You instantly picked up without a second thought.

"Hey Jay, wassup?"

"Could you open the door? I'm outside your apartment."

When you opened the door, your face scrunched up in confusion seeing Jay's tall stature standing in your doorway. Droplets of rain trickled off the black Nike windbreaker he wore, his glasses stained to rain, his hair was soaked, and his bike was under his arm so carelessly. You let out a sigh before stepping aside, not bothering to make a comment about him dripping water everywhere.

The harsh sound of his wet sneakers squeaking against the floor nearly the entrance as he's kicking them off and placing his bike down. You had so many questions in your mind. Why was he here? Why was he biking so late and in the rain? Why was his knee bleeding?

You had known about him and Shelly breaking up. It spread around campus like a wildfire so quickly. Many students were mumbling about it as they sat in their advanced chemistry labs or the cafe. You decided to keep your distance from Jay, giving him space to cope with the sudden heartbreak that shook him to his core. You spent days dropping class notes at his place when he didn't show up to class. Hell, you even attempted to get him out of the comfort of his home after being locked away a whole weekend. You understood the hardships of first love heartbreak. Forced to lock away the tempting crush you had on Jay Jo when you saw Shelly and him embracing each other romantically.

The guilt that clawed at your stomach when you would sit in the cafe with your friends and mentally wish that was you pecking Jay on the lips or comfortably sitting in his lap. You tried so much to push that guilt out of your stomach, out of you. You've tried joining more orgs to keep yourself busy. You avoided hanging out with Jay and declined every offer he suggested. Making up some lame excuse to avoid even being alone with him or third wheeling with him and Shelly. You took comfort in other men. You didn't expect to cross sleeping with the infamous Joker off your Bingo card, but you did. That still didn't work.

You just adjusted to it. Who were you to not be happy for your closest friend? You should have been happy for him, right?

"You're bleeding? Let me grab the first aid kit," Your words came out like a soft whisper as if you lost voice. You quickly went to the bathroom to search for the first aid kit.

When you returned to the living room, you had clutched at the first aid kit as if it was something extremely personal to you. Your breath hitched in your throat seeing Jay had tugged the wet windbreaker off and was now clawing off the t-shirt he wore. His hands toyed with the band of the grey sweatpants he wore causing you to turn around with a sharpness. Clearing your throat loudly to indicate that you had entered the area again. You could hear a chuckle from him, "My clothes are soaked and I know you would have said something about getting water everywhere." Jay uttered.

"I mean, it's a little too late for that," You turned around in a swift motion waving your hands around to the water that stained your wooden floors.

After collecting Jay's soaked clothes and throwing them in the dryer, you found yourself sitting on the coffee table while you were cleaning the cut on his knee. It was so quiet that you could hear the clock in the kitchen ticking every second. "Why were you biking in the ran and with a flat tire?" You asked as you were wiping ointment on the cut.

When you notice the silence that followed your curious question, you glanced up saw Jay staring at you. Your teeth grazed alongside your lower lip before your eyes went back to the cut on his knee.

"Shelly and I broke up three days ago and I just had a lot on my mind," Jay explained. "Had to clear my mind." He adds.

"And you thought riding your bike in the rain would do that? Way to be dramatic," You chuckled as you placed a bandaid on the cut on his knee. "But are you okay? Dom told me you didn't go to class the other day."

Once again, he went silent.

"I know this is where I swoop in and give you some friendly advice. But I don't have it," You admitted.

Was it selfish of you to not want to give advice on a dead relationship? Maybe.

"But I am curious on why you two broke up? Last time I checked, you two were insufferable." You added as you were placing bandaids back into their rightful spot in the first aid kit. She pushed herself off the coffee table realizing that you were intruding on Jay's and Shelly's relationship privacy. "Nevermind, you don't have to tell me."

"Cause of you."

You felt your heart skip a beat. The words that were once circling around in your head seem to come to a stop as if someone snatched each and every thought out of your mind. Your steps towards Jay are so slow as you're trying to grasp what he just said. "Don't say that Jay. Don't say fuckin' words like that." You uttered. "I'll go get you a blanket so you can sleep."

You went to disappear, but Jay's grasp on your wrist stopped your movement. You're forced to look at Jay, his frame towering over you while his dark eyes searched for more. He wanted you to say more. He didn't want you to just brush it under the rug. Not like this. Not at a time like this. "Jay." You said.

"(Y/N)."

"You can't just show up to my place with nonsense like this."

"It's not fuckin' nonsense (Y/N)," Jay threw his hands up in frustration. "I'm telling the truth."

"It is fuckin' nonsense! I spent weeks overthinking about your relationship and now you're here saying I'm the reason you two broke up. It's just pure nonsense."

Jay's lips formed a straight line as he watches you turn around to walk into your room. The sound of the thunder outside was as intense as the words the two of you were throwing at each other. Jay wasn't so far behind you.

"Okay, so what now Jay?" You asked. You turned around to look at him since you knew he would follow you into your room. "We live happily ever after?"

Your lips parted to spew out more words, but they were interrupted by Jay's lips crashing upon yours. It took you by shock and it felt like the room was spinning. But you were so eager to kiss back. You were so excited to tug him closer to your frame for more. His large cupped at your face to deepen the subtle kiss just to taste more of the chapstick you were wearing. Your hands attempted to grasp for more of him, fingertips dragging alongside the heat of his skin. Despite biking all the way to your apartment in the rain, his body still felt hot.

You could feel Jay guide your body back to the mattress behind you. Your body lands with a soft thud under the fluffiness of the mattress before Jay took comfort on top of you. His forearm prompted up just by your head so he wouldn't place all his weight on you. His lips traced alongside the curve of your jawline. You could smell his scent ever so closely now. The scent of rain mixed with his cologne lingering up your nostrils while you gasp out his name.

"Hmm." He hummed alongside the skin on your neck. "Want me to stop?" He questioned. He lifted up to stare down at you.

"No." Your hand clasped at the back of his neck pulls him into another kiss. This time it was a bit rougher than usual. Your tongue traced alongside his lower lip aching to taste him a little more. The subtle gasp he let gave you the perfect opportunity to slither your tongue right in his mouth. Tasting at the previous beverage he most likely drank before hopelessly biking in the rain. Your fingers combed through his jet black hair clutching at it harshly.

You felt Jay's hand climb into the pajama shorts you wore, his hand instantly rubbing at your folds through the panties you wore. A moan of pleasure bounced off the back of your throat as you pulled back from the kiss. Jay didn't wait before his lips found their way to kiss at your exposed skin on your neck. Your teeth chewed so hard at your lower lip holding back the moan you wanted to let out. However, feeling the coolness of Jay's hands climb into your panties caused that moan to come out. His teeth grazed against your neck before he was making placing kisses on one particular spot. He purposely left you with the purplish-colored hickey on your neck for everyone to see the following morning.

"Jay, please. I want you inside me." You whined, completely fed up with his teasing.

His lips parted to speak but he was so quick to disregard the remaining dry clothes he was wearing. Jay could see the intense stare you were giving him. His heart was beating so quickly that he was sure you could hear it. The two of you were actually about to do this. He knew that crossing a line like this would mean that the friendship wasn't going to be the same anymore and that was a risk he was willing to take.

As he took the space in between your thighs he helped you tug off shorts and panties. With a quick motion, he's tossing the two pieces of clothing on the floor alongside his stuff.

Jay's hair fell in his face beautifully as he pushed your knees further into your chest. Your breath hitched in your throat with each time you could feel the tip of his cock brush against your entrance. His hips gradually pushed forward in a teasing manner which caused a low whine to quiver out your lips. When Jay felt your wetness touch at his tip, he let out a weary sigh. “Just put it in already,” You mumbled. Your cheeks radiated so much heat while you squirmed under his firm grip on your thighs. You felt trapped. Your knees poking at your chest. It was as if he wanted you all to himself.

“Okay,” Jay responds softly. “I’ll be gentle, I promise.”

You couldn’t help but let out a chuckle, especially considering the size of Jay. But you were sure he’ll keep his promise. He was always gentle when it came to you during the years of your friendship. The giving you his uniform jacket when you complained about being cold in class in high school. Always wanting to share an umbrella when it was raining. Or making sure he walked on the side of the sidewalk that was closer to the street. He was always a gentle gentleman.

His strong arms hooked under your knees after he lined himself up with your entrance. Jay could feel the nervous pit in his stomach, he was really about to have sex with his best friend he's been in love with. The thought of caressing her body in such an explicit manner caused his skin to grow hot before he eventually bottomed down inside her. The feeling of you clutching around him caused his heart to beat ever so hard in his cheat. Thump. Thump. His teeth grazed at his lower lip as he was waiting for confirmation to keep going.

However, when a moan escaped your lips, Jay knew that was confirmation. He wanted to savor every second within this moment. He needed to hear you moan out his name. He wanted you to grasp at his body. He needed you to whine out wanting more of him.

When he leaned forward in the mating press position he had you in, your eyes couldn't help but stare up at Jay. Even at this angle, he was still breathtaking. With the gorgeous view you had and the fact that the gold necklace you gifted him as a high school graduation gift was dangling in your face, you felt butterflies flutter in your stomach. You needed him bad.

When his hips begin to rock into you, your whines and moans cooed in his ear. With each thrust, you brace yourself to be stretched up by the girth of Jay's cock. Each time he tugged himself fully out of your drooling cunt, he bottomed himself right back in. His pace wasn't particularly fast, it was slow and alluring. The pornographic sound of skin slapping against each was competing with the sound of your white headboard knocking against your room walls. Your arms wrapped around Jay's neck to bring him closer although you were already so close.

His cock felt so amazing inside you that your eyes lollies to the back of your head and the only thing you could do was moan out Jay's name. Through muffled sentences, you gloated about how well he fucking you. Which seemed to boost the biker's ego when you felt him hit at that one spot that caused your toes to curl. In the heat of the moment, Jay's face was buried in the crook of your neck. His lips kissed at the same hickey he put on your neck.

The way you were moaning his name in his ear drove Jay insane. The incredible feeling of your walls squeezing at him wonderfully caused his eyesight to go blurry. He's pushing himself up once again tugging your legs to your chest and ramming his hips forward. Taking in the glorious sight of you being fucked out of your mind.

"I love you." He said in the heat of the moment as he was moving his hips forward. He didn't even bother to wait for you to say it back due to his large hands bringing your closer just so his cock can burry further into you.

"Fuck," Jay uttered as you could feel his nails digging at the soft flesh on your thighs. His strokes began to grow sloppy and his balls grew heavy with each whimper that slipped out your mouth.

"I'm so close," You moaned out. You could feel your legs tremble with each rock in Jay's hips. But he still didn't stop. He wanted to be sure that you two came at the same time.

His thumb tapped at his tongue to wet it quickly before he's applied to pressure your clit. His thumb moved in slow circular motions. You could feel the vibrant feeling build up in the pit of your stomach. Your toes curled in pure pleasure as your orgasm washed over your whole body. The subtle groans of your name that fled Jay's lips caused your ears to grow hot, especially considering that he came just in cue.

It was a beautiful sight to see Jay's face scrunch up in pure ecstasy when he came. His toned chest rose to catch his breath and his face was stained with a crimson color. The once grip that was on your thighs loosened up softly before his fingertips were tracing alongside your sweat-coated skin. He tugged himself out slowly and plopped down next to you, being sure to tug the thin colored sheet on the two of you.

"I meant it you know?" Jay spoke up as he was staring up at the ceiling.

You were so exhausted to even engage with him, but your body inched closer to place your head in the crook of his neck. "Meant what?" You tiredly asked.

"That I love you."

TAGS — @indiecursor @sleepy3 @queenbubu @hellavile @misss-chrisss @massivelynervousprincess @syomi @nanaminshousewife @dazeskies @stunnababyyabyyy @saturnthehumanoid

[capturethechaos]

Only Fools

In collaboration with @obetrolncocktails

Masterlist

Last chapter | Next chapter

Words - 3417

Warnings - Swearing, drinking

— Rio de Janeiro, Brazil 🔆 April 30th —

You weaved yourself through the bustling airport, veering to the left and right of the streams of people rushing through the busy terminals. You were no stranger to the mayhem of flying, but doing it alone this time left you feeling extremely vulnerable and frustrated. It seemed like it took forever to finally find the baggage claim, but you were relieved to finally be able to take a second to catch your breath and get the rest of your belongings. A few minutes later, your bags made their way back around to you. You reached down to grab them, swinging them over the ledge and onto the floor.

A familiar voice broke you from your concentration, “Well hello, Sunshine, funny seeing you here.” Your head whipped up, catching sight of Josh walking up to you, pulling his own luggage along behind him. “You know, somehow, despite the fact that we had a scheduled flight, some part of me assumed you’d be late somehow.” You said with a smirk.

“But I wasn’t.” His usual cocky demeanor should have pissed you off, and would have if you hadn’t stopped being angry at him two weeks ago, suddenly missing having him in your life in any capacity.

“You weren’t, no doubt thanks to Danny.” You replied, offering a soft smile.

“Gotta have at least one sane person in the band,” Josh offered with a smile. You nodded in agreement, but found yourself searching for anything and everything to say.

“So Jo—”

“It’s goo—”

You both cut each other off, immediately filling the void with awkwardness. “You first,” Josh said, gesturing to you with his hand.

“Oh— um— did you uh— do anything interesting during the break?” You asked, regressing into what felt like an awkward high schooler with a pitiful crush, staring at your shoes and praying to be literally anywhere else at that moment.

Josh took a few steps forward with his bag, urging you to follow. “Wrote some new stuff— some of it turned out to be shit, but there’s a few that I can’t get out of my head. Sound’s real Denver-y.”

You followed half a step behind him, bumping into him slightly when he came to a sudden stop, turning to look at you almost expectantly, awaiting a response.

“That’s great Josh— the uh writing part, not the uh ‘some of it turned out to be shit’ part.” You said with a chuckle, “I’d love to hear it once you’ve got it more— put together.”

“Well, there’s one song. It’s not ready, but I kind of wrote it for me, not the band.” He reaches up and scratches his head, slowing his stride. “It’s been in my head for weeks now–and the funny thing is, it only took fifteen minutes to write.” He offered you a wide smile, his eyes reflecting the airport lights back at you. Something in his expression perplexed you; he didn’t look cocky or arrogant— not just pleased with the song, but genuinely proud. You couldn’t help but wonder if he was keeping something from you. It was a gut feeling that nibbled away as he spoke, but you chalked it up to naïve hopefulness.

You nod quietly while walking towards the doors to leave the airport. As soon as the doors opened to the outside, a burst of warm, moist air whipped at your body, tossing your hair up and around your face.

“Aren’t you the one that’s supposed to get us places in a timely manner? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you walk so slow.”

“Sorry, Daniel, didn’t realize it was your time of the month,” you said, reaching into your purse, retrieving a tampon. “Need one?”

You watched as Sam snickered, covering his laugh with a closed fist while Danny kneed him.

“I got, uh— distracted.” You replied, rolling your suitcase the rest of the way to the trunk, placing it inside.

“Well, I mean—” Jake gestured to Josh, not feeling the need to finish the sentence.

Josh smirked and rolled his eyes, joining you to stow his bags.

“Y/n, you get front seat privileges.” Jake smiled at you, walking to shut the trunk and get in the van. “You’re so kind, good to know that one of you knows how to treat a lady.”

—

“And where do you think you’re going little miss?” Josh asked from his position lounging on the couch, his arms behind his head, lengthening his scantily clad body. His eyes were barely open, only catching your movement as you crossed the room.

“The beach.” You said, lifting the beach bag you had hanging from your arm.

He sat up, taking in your appearance, the see-through cover-up obstructing the view beneath just enough to make Josh squint slightly, his tongue jutting out to lick his lips before standing, “Can I come along?”

“Depends?”

“On?”

“Will you stop drooling long enough for us to make it to the beach, and are you going to be buying the drinks?”

“For you, I think I can spare the change.” Josh winked at you before walking to his room to change. A few moments later, he returned wearing a short pair of swim trunks and a towel tossed over his shoulder. “Ready.”

You had to make an effort to swallow the lump that had formed in your throat at the sight, nodding your head and turning quickly on your heel to walk out of the hotel room. You had enough space between the two of you for Josh to be able to watch as you sauntered along the hallway, his eyes shamelessly following your hips as they swayed back and forth, his lip tucked so tight between his teeth he was convinced he would draw blood.

The moment your toes touched the warm sand, you let out a satisfied sigh, stopping for a moment as you took in the warmth of the sun. The sight of your head tilted back, your throat on display as you took a deep breath, knocked the air out of Josh’s lungs, and he tripped over the small barrier between the sidewalk and the sand.

“Watch your step, Josh.” You said, letting out a small chuckle as you turned to look at him, he pushed his sunglasses back up his nose, letting out a small cough mumbling something incoherent as he shuffled down to the nearest available chairs beneath a large umbrella.

You watched the small waves crash upon the shore as you bunched your coverup in your hands and pulled it off of your body, feeling the sun kiss the newly exposed skin. You turned to place the coverup on your chair, seeing Josh already lounging in the one next to it, one hand splayed out on his chest, the other tucked behind his head. Your gaze travelled over the expanse of his bare skin, slowing at the small trail of hair over his navel before flicking your eyes to the contents of your bag, pulling out the sunscreen and squirting some into your hand before placing a foot on the lounger and rubbing the cool lotion over your leg.

You covered everything you could reach, eventually sitting, facing away from Josh and turning to glance at him over your shoulder, “Hey Josh, would you mind putting sunscreen on my back?”

His head tilted to look at you, reaching for the sunscreen in your hand as he stood up, taking the bottle from your hand and leaning behind you on your chair. The feeling of his hands moving your hair over your shoulder left goosebumps across your skin. The feeling of his sunscreen covered hands rubbing across your back made you flinch slightly, the contrasting feeling of the cold sunscreen and his warm hand leaving you flustered. His finger trailed down your spine, separating from your skin just below the small of your back.

“All done.” He said, standing back up and stepping away.

You stood from your spot, readjusting your bikini bottoms slightly before turning to face him, “You want some sunscreen?”

“Please.” He said, turning away from you. You smiled, watching as he tapped his fingers against his thighs as he awaited your touch. You squeezed some sunscreen into your hand before brushing it between his shoulder blades, feeling his muscles flex beneath your palm.

Once you were finished covering his back, you tapped his shoulder and held out the bottle for him to take, “Your back is covered.”

He muttered a ‘thanks’ just loud enough for you to hear before you reached into your bag to grab your wallet.

“What do you want to drink?” You asked, glancing at Josh as he covered the rest of his body in sunscreen.

“Give me a minute and I’ll come with you, you’re not paying.” He said sternly, reaching for your wallet.

“I was joking Josh, you’re not paying for my drinks.” You defended, pulling your wallet closer to your body. He straightened up and stepped forward, placing his hand over your wallet, both of your hands pressed in the mere inches between the two of you.

His eyes locked with yours for a moment, filled with something you hadn’t seen in them before. He broke the contact, leaning forward until his lips brushed against the shell of your ear, “I wasn’t joking, give me your wallet, I’m paying.”

Your breath caught in your throat, and your fingers loosened around your wallet, allowing him to easily pull it out of your hand. He tucked it in the pocket of his shorts with his own before stepping back and placing his hands on your shoulders, turning you around and pushing you towards the bar.

— May 2nd —

The whole group sat in a comfortable silence around the table enjoying their food, until you heard it.

“Wise men say, only fools rush in.”

You abruptly stood from the table, pushing out your chair, “I— I just need some air. I’ll be right back.” The end of your sentence came out barely loud enough for anyone to hear, but the second you left the building, Josh stood from his seat, nodding to Jake in a silent exchange before following you out.

“Hey, are you alright?” He asked, walking up to lean against the railing next to you.

“Yeah, it’s just— that was Derek and I’s song.” You said lowly, keeping your eyes on the scenery ahead of you.

“Oh— well— do you want some company till it’s over?” He asked, picking at his nails as he kept his eyes on you.

You looked over at him, opening your mouth to say something, to tell him to go back inside and leave you alone, but nothing came out, just a puff of air as you once again dropped your head. You nodded your head, sniffling lightly, making Josh frown at the sight, “Do you just wanna go back to the hotel tonight? I’m sure we can handle one soundcheck without you if you just want to relax on your own.”

“Are you sure?” You eyed him with a light smirk as you sniffled.

“Oh yeah! Daniel can handle us, we didn’t always have a kick-ass manager watching over our every move.” His grin was wide as he shrugged. The two of you stood in silence for a couple minutes before you replied, “I think my job title should really just be ‘Glorified Babysitter’.”

The statement made Josh snort a laugh before turning around, listening to see if the song was still playing, and when it wasn’t, he tilted his head to look back at you, “I think we’re safe to re-enter.” You went to take a step forward, hesitating long enough for him to fully turn back to you and wrap his hand around yours, gently tugging you towards him. The gesture, though quick and platonic, made your heart skip a beat. Looking down at where his fingers so delicately enveloped your palm, you could feel the warmth radiating from his skin.

Taking a breath, you re-entered the restaurant, forgetting the sadness. Your thoughts wandered during dinner, replaying the feeling of Josh’s touch. You spent a lot of the time trying your best to block out thoughts of him, but no matter how hard you tried, he still managed to weasel himself back in.

“Y/n, everything okay? You’re mighty quiet tonight,” Danny asked, sitting across the table from you.

“Oh yeah, I’m fine, just— work brain going on. You know it never stops.” You kicked yourself for such a shitty response. He eyed you suspiciously and you knew that he was way more perceptive than the others.

“Well, your food is getting cold.” He pointed to your meal with the tip of his butter knife.

“Thanks, Mom.” You grinned at him, relieved that he was forgiving of your spaciness, even if he knew your cover was complete bullshit.

—

The boys walked into the venue, making their way to the stage as a handful of techs followed them. The second they made it onto the stage, Josh turned to the others, clapping his hands together to garner their attention before opening his mouth to speak, “Alright, I have a request.”

Josh spent the next ten minutes explaining his idea to the others, a wide grin on his face as he spoke, “It’s a good idea, right?”

“And you’re sure this will go alright?” Jake asked, cocking an eyebrow at his brother as he leaned against one of his amps.

“Well, it either goes well, or she never speaks to me again—”

“You’re willing to take that risk?” Sam asked from his bench at the piano.

Josh nodded excessively, causing the other three to shrug, a smile forming on each of their faces.

“Alright, let’s do this!”

— May 3rd —

“How are you feeling today?” Josh asked you, waiting as the minutes ticked down to go on stage.

“A bit better.” You said, giving him a small smile.

“Thirty seconds boys!” One of the techies yelled, making you jump a bit.

“Hey, you’re alright—” Josh said, eyes darting over to the other boys as they ran on stage to get into position, “see you soon.”

You smiled at him, nodding as he reached out to you, taking your hand and lifting it to his face. His lips just barely grazed your knuckles before he stepped away, letting your hand fall back to your side and leaving you stunned as he ran onstage.

Four songs in, Josh stopped moving, placing his mic in its stand and looking out over the crowd, “You are so amazing, did you know that?” His question stirred up a wave of screams and cheers, making him smile before continuing, “Can I ask a favor of you wonderful people? One of our good friends, she calls herself our ‘Glorified babysitter’, our manager, Y/n, just recently went through a pretty bad break-up, and now has had a wonderful song sullied because of it.”

His eyes darted off stage, where you were staring back in disbelief, “And I just couldn’t have that, so I figured I, with the help of these three,” He waved his arm towards the other boys, “and all of you,” His arms shot forward towards the crowd, eliciting more cheers, “could give her a good memory to attach to the song.”

Danny moved from his drum kit, attaching a ukulele to Sam's amps and standing near Josh, who offered him the mic, “What’s the song Josh?” He asked, looking between Josh and the crowd.

Josh smiled, “Great question Danny, the song is one I think everyone should know, so if you all could help me out with it,” He looked over at you, keeping his gaze locked with yours as Jake and Danny started to play, “This is Can’t Help Falling in Love.”

It felt as though all the air had been sucked out of the room, your vision blurring, the only thing in focus was Josh as he sang. Jake and Danny halted playing, allowing Sam to come through on piano as Josh continued, “Take my hand, take my whole life too,” He pulled the mic from its stand, turning it to the crowd, all of whom sang, “For I can't help falling in love with you.”

“For I can’t help falling in love with you.” Josh sang, looking over at you as the boys played the final chords and the crowd erupted in cheers. You couldn’t help the tears that were flowing down your cheeks, no one had ever done something like that for you, and you could feel the love radiating from the crowd as Jake, Danny and Sam urged them to continue cheering as Josh ran to the side of the stage.

He came to a halt in front of you, grabbing your face in his hands and tilting it to look him in the eyes, “Please tell me those are happy tears, not ‘I’m gonna fucking kill you’ tears.”

You snickered at his comment, nodding as much as you could with his grip constricting your movement, “They’re happy tears— thank you Josh.”

He smiled, leaning forward to press a light kiss to your forehead before running back on stage, “Good news folks, I think we did it, she was crying!” He said, immediately backtracking, “Happy tears, I promise!”

—

When the boys ran off stage at the end of the show, you were immediately engulfed in a group hug, they were all sweaty, and they stank, but it was the best hug you had received in years.

The trip back to the hotel was filled with laughter, and the group drank until they slowly went to bed one by one until only you and Josh were left on the couch. You let out a yawn, moving against the fabric of the couch, and kicking the coffee table as you stretched your legs, “Fuck, that hurt.” You said, pulling your foot back onto the couch and inspecting the red bar across the skin.

“You should go to sleep.” Josh said with a yawn of his own.

“So should you.” You said, your head lulling to the side to look at him, a goofy, tired grin adorning his face.

He stood from the couch, putting his hand out for you to take. You took his hand and he pulled you from the couch into a hug, “You’re not mad at me for the song are you?” He asked, his words muffled against your shoulder.

“What you did was one of the kindest things anyone has ever done for me, I couldn’t be mad at you if I tried.” You replied, squeezing him gently before pulling out of his grasp. The two of you stared at each other for what felt like hours before you lifted yourself up just far enough to press a featherlight kiss to his cheek, “Goodnight Josh.”

— Mexico City, MX 🔆 May 16th —

The boys were in the green room getting ready for the show as you stood side stage with the first opening act, the music of the pre-show playlist blaring over the speakers as the crowd awaited the show.

You knew the playlist like the back of your hand, but you weren’t expecting the opening chords to the all too familiar song to start playing, it hadn’t been on the playlist previously. You also hadn’t expected to hear the crowd begin to sing along with it. You raced to the entrance door, walking towards the barricade and hearing a spattering of cheers as you smiled at the crowd of singing fans. You had been interacting more with the fans in the past couple weeks, telling them little stories about what it’s like to manage the boys, they seemed to like you, and you couldn’t appreciate the love they give any more.

You gave a small wave to the crowd before walking back to the stage door, seeing a small head of curls poking out from behind one of the doors, “Were they singing along?” He asked as you joined him backstage.

“They were.” You replied with a wide smile.

“Good, another memory for the piggy bank.” He said, tapping your head and grinning back at you.

— London, UK 🔆June 25th —

By the time the London show rolled sound, you had heard five more crowds sing to you. It had begun to trend amongst the fans as a pre show ritual of sorts, and each time they sang it a little piece of the memories you had once associated it with disappeared, being replaced with ones of love and adoration from complete strangers that cared, without even knowing you, they cared.

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[sg-marshall]

sims 4 trait legacy challenge

Overview:

This is a ten generation legacy challenge based on some characteristics people can possess. Each generation will be based upon a new trait. The style and gender of the generation is completely up to you (I usually play as women but gender does not matter in this challenge)! Complete all goals before focusing on the next generation. Some may play onto each other, so be sure to look ahead before moving forward! I created an adapted version for people who do not have the packs I used listed below the challenge. I wanted to make sure everyone could play and not feel left out!

Rules:

No cheats or mods!

Start off with $20,000 and a build a house wherever you want one.

Complete all six goals for every generation before moving onto the next one.

Complete the full aspiration and reach level 10 in the set career.

There is no rules when it comes to aging up but I suggest waiting until it is their set birthday.

Play on normal life span.

Packs Used: Base Game, Discovery University, Seasons, City Living, Get to Work, Cats and Dogs, Parenthood, Spa Day, and Knifty Knitting

Generation One: Responsibility

You are a very old fashioned person who believes things have a certain way of being done. Every object in your house has a set place, the person you marry you are supposed to stay with forever, and the world should be a clean place to live in. Never once have you strayed away from your beliefs and you’ve always lived your life by the book. Even once your partner dies and you are left with a child who cannot handle their passing, you stay true to your morals. (EDIT: I have been playing this challenge myself and found that the final level of the aspiration said “have a child master a career”. I do not know if you have to be in the household for that, but if you do, just add this generation to the household of the next one before they master it. It is also okay if you want to ignore/cheat this part.)

Traits: Neat, Good, Green Fiend

Aspiration: Successful Lineage

Career: Education (Administrator Branch)

Goals:

Max charisma skill.

Max research and debate skill.

Be married as a young adult, but have your partner die (do not tell your child how) once they reach adult hood. Never remarry.

Have only one child with your partner.

Complete the snowglobes collection and have them set up in a specific room in your house.

Make your neighborhood green and keep it that way.

Generation Two: Determined

You’ve always struggled to cope with the death of your father/mother ever. Maybe that's because you never really knew why they died in the first place. Left with too many questions to handle, you destroy your relationship with your friends and family and run away to find some answers. This entails a trip to Sixam, where you can finally wrap ahead around the passing of you mom/dad. You decide to come home just in time to see your mom/dad just before they too pass away. After a heart-breaking conversation, you realize that all the secrecy was for the best.

Traits: Gloomy, Ambitious, Loner

Aspiration: Nerd Brain

Career: Astronaut (Interstellar Smuggler Branch)

Goals:

Max rocket science skill.

Max mischief skill.

Build a rocket ship and fly to Sixam.

Run away and live on your own as a teenager. 

Have a horrible relationship with your mom/dad as a young adult, but become best friends with them before they pass away.

Complete the microscope prints collection.

Generation Three: Loving

Your mother/father was extremely distant growing up, which caused you to rely on friends as your family. Your childhood best friend has been with you every step of the way, and you ended up fell in love with them. All you wanted to do was be a mother/father, but found out you could never have children. You adopt a child as a baby and raise them as your own, teaching them everything you wish your parents did for you.

Traits: Romantic, Family - Oriented, Foodie

Aspiration: Soulmate

Career: Babysitter (Teenager), None (Young Adult and older)

Goals:

Max parenting skill.

Max wellness skill.

Marry your childhood best friend.

Adopt a baby after you get married.

Teach your toddler to max all skills.

Have a side passion of knitting.

Generation Four: Intelligence

You grew up incredibly smart with no knowledge of who your real parents were. However, that never mattered to you. Your adoptive parents have made it their life goal to advance your gifts in every way they know how. Late nights of helping you with homework, early mornings of finishing projects, and spending their fortunes to enroll you into the college of your dreams. All you wanted to do was repay them by becoming a world renowned journalist. You dedicate your best-sellers to them because, after all, they’ll always be your biggest fan.

Traits: Genius, Bookworm, Unflirty

Aspiration: Academic

Career: Writer (Journalist Branch)

Goals:

Max logic skill.

Max writing skill. 

Reach level eight in five other skills of your choice.

Go to the University of  Britechester and study Language and Literature (distinguished).

Join the Debate Guild and reach the highest rank.

Write five novels.

Generation Five: Hard - Working

Fashion has been your passion since you were a little girl/boy. You even asked your parents to stop dressing you as a toddler because the clothes they picked were “not stylish enough.” As a self-proclaimed style icon, you knew you had to make your biggest dream come true: to create your own fashion line. So, as soon as you graduated high school, you packed your bags and moved to the big city - San-Myshuno. There you created your social media platform and blew up! A normal life was never your style, and you made sure to put in as many hours as it would take to achieve all you ever wanted.

Traits: Perfectionist, Self - Assured, Materialistic

Aspiration: City Native

Career: Style Influencer (Stylist Branch)

Goals:

Max photography skill.

Max painting skill.

Must live in San-Myshuno.

Complete the crystals collection.

Hire a nanny for your child and do not spend much time with them.

Gain 10,000 followers on Simstagram.

Generation Six: Resilience

After being known as “the child of the most famous fashion designer” all your life, the city became a toxic place for you. You hated the loud noises, constant stream of people, and just wanted to live a quiet life. You loved visiting your grandmother/father’s house and hearing one of her/his famous stories. You decided to pull inspiration from one of their novels and live off by the coast in the adorable Brindleton Bay. Your passion for crafting and living off the land inspired you to start a small business selling your candles and juice - all locally grown of course. 

Traits: Loves Outdoors, Maker, Creative

Aspiration: Master Maker

Career: Freelancer (Simply Crafted)

Goals:

Max fabrication skill.

Reach level eight in both candle making and juice fizzing.

Move to Brindleton Bay as a young adult.

Have four or more kids.

Complete the frog collection.

Never go to an event in the city or visit the city once you are a young adult.

Generation Seven: Carefree

Being in a big family is can be hectic at times. So, you decided to be the happy jokester in the middle just trying to get people to crack a smile. And you got really good at it. As a major people person, you made sure to get to know everyone you meet. You even started a tradition of taking a picture with them so you could never forget that moment. Your friends will always invite you to go out because you are known for being the life of the party. However, the parties you host, are even better. You decide to live life as if it was one big stage, and you’re the star performer.

Traits: Goofball, Clumsy, Outgoing

Aspiration: Party Animal

Career: Entertainer (Comedian Branch)

Goals:

Max comedy skill.

Max singing skill.

Host a party every week.

Take a photo of every person who visits you.

Marry someone you met just two days before.

Attend every festival or event you are asked to attend.

Generation Eight: Kind

Expected to be just like your mother/father, no one ever assumed you would be the quiet kid who preferred reading over partied. However, that is exactly who you were. When it was that time of the week for a new social event, you either left for the library or locked yourself in your room, praying it ended soon. Your parents noticed you struggled talking to people, so they allowed you to adopt a puppy once you became a teenager. You and your dog instantly became best friends and you took them everywhere. Even though you may not be great with people, being compassionate was a skill you ranked high in. You always looked out for the less fortunate and wanted to provide in anyway you could.

Traits: Vegetarian, Loner, Good

Aspiration: Friend of the Animals

Career: Gardner (Floral Designer Branch)

Goals:

Max gardening skill.

Max flower arranging skill.

Keep up a garden of just flowers.

Adopt strays: one dog, and two cats.

Marry an ambitious sim.

Donate $100 to charity weekly.

Generation Nine: Impulsive

You grew up hearing stories of your grandmother/father’s so called “wild days” and fell in love with the energy it brought. However, your mom/dad raised you better than to go out spending life as if there was no consequences. Finding a balance started off to be very challenging for you. You could never hold down relationships and even got pregnant/got someone pregnant twice. It wasn't until you became a secret agent and learned how to live two lifestyles: one full of fun and adventure; the other more stable and structured.

Traits: Active, Non-Committal, Bro

Aspiration: Bodybuilder

Career: Secret Agent (Diamond Agent Branch)

Goals:

Max fitness skill.

Max handiness skill.

Go to either college for Psychology and play soccer.

Have four failed relationships and never get married.

Have two children from two different relationships.

Move three times once you become a young adult.

Generation 10: Passionate

Because your mother/father’s job required you to move around so much, making real life friends was a lot harder than it seemed. So, you built your relationships within the online community. Every day, you and your closest friends would hop online and compete in tournaments or even play for fun. As the years went on, you became really good at coding and even started working on your own apps. You looked up to the players from ESports Gaming - only the best gamers in the world - and longed to be sitting in one of their spots. And sure enough, after years of perfecting your strategies and game plays, your dreams came true!

Traits: Geek, Hot-Headed, Outgoing

Aspiration: Computer Whiz

Career: Tech Guru (ESport Gamer Branch)

Goals:

Max programming skill.

Max video gaming skill.

Complete the MySims Trophies collection.

Attend and compete in every Geek Con convention.

Make five video games or apps.

Mentor your child/ren for five hours each.

Adaptations:

Gen 1:

If you do not have Discover University, go into the Business career (Management Branch).

Max cooking skill if you do not have Discover University.

If you do not have City Living, complete the postcards collection.

Gen 2:

Unlock the secret world in Oasis Springs if you do not have Get to Work.

Gen 3:

If you do not have Parenthood but do have Get to Work, max the baking skill.

If you do not have both Parenthood and Get to Work, max the gourmet cooking skill.

If you do not have Spa Day but do have Knifty Knitting, max the knitting skill.

If you do not have both Spa Day or Knifty Knitting, max the photography skill.

If you do not have Knifty Knitting, have a side passion of photography.

Gen 4:

If you do not have Discover University, read a new skill book every week instead of attending university.

Gen 5:

If you do not have City Living, have the  Fabulously Wealthy aspiration.

If you do not have City Living, live in Oasis Springs.

Gen 6:

Do not have a career if you do not have Eco-Lifestyle. Instead, craft item on the woodworking for money.

If you do not have Eco-Lifestyle, max the fishing skill instead of reaching level eight in candle making and juice fizzing.

If you do not have Cats and Dogs, move to Evergreen Harbor.

If you do not have both Cats and Dogs or Eco-Lifestyle, live in Willow Creek

If you do not have Eco-Lifestyle, have the self-assured trait instead.

If you do not have Eco-Lifestyle, have the Angling Ace aspiration.

Gen 7:

If you do not have City Living but do have Get Together, max the dancing skill.

If you do not have both City Living or Get Together, max the mixology skill.

Gen 8:

If you do not have Dogs and Cats, have the Freelance Botanist aspiration.

Do not have a career if you do not have Seasons. Instead, sell your plants for money.

If you do not have Seasons but have Get to Work, max the baking skill.

If you do not have both Seasons or Get to Work, max the violin skill.

If you do not have Dogs and Cats, but have Seasons, own three bees nests and two insect nests instead of owning pets.

If you do not have both Dogs and Cats or Seasons, have three children instead of having three pets.

If you do not have City Living, have the cheerful trait.

Gen 9:

If you do have Strangerville, go into the Military Career (I do not have it, so I played as a Secret Agent)

If you do have Snowy Escape, have the adventurous trait instead of the active trait (I do not have it but believe they would be adventurous).

If you do not have Discover University, read five skill books over different topics, instead of going to college.

Gen 10:

If you do not have City Living, compete in an online tournament weekly instead of going to Geek Con.

[theasstour]

𝐁𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬.

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓: 𝟏𝟐.𝟏𝐤 𝐍𝐁: 𝐚𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐡𝐨𝐥, 𝐚𝐧𝐱𝐢𝐞𝐭𝐲 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫, 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐭 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞

A/N: IT’S FINALLY HERE! ARCHITECT!HARRY! 🏛️❣️✨ It’s been ages since I posted writing on here and it feels good to be back! Believe me when I say that though nothing much happens in this chapter, something will go down in absolutely every chapter, so you’ll hopefully be entertained at one point AOIJFOIREJ! I absolutely adore architect!harry (yearly as much as I adore you lot), I hope you lot will too! Now, let’s start this journey, shall we? 🥰🌟

Friday, 15 September 2017

Monday September 8th 2014. Y/N had spent an abnormal amount of time thinking about that day over the last three years. Sometimes, even if she were in the middle of something else or thinking about a topic completely unrelated, it would just come back to her. Like a flash, as if someone turned on the dim light inside a dark room, she would be taken back to a time, a moment, that would be burned into her brain forever. It would paralyse her for a few seconds, making her unable to do or think or be anything besides that memory. It was almost like, at this point, she thought the ghost of her sister would never quite leave her.

The countless times she had recounted this specific memory, Y/N could never remember exactly what it was that had woken her that late Monday night, or morning rather, in September 2014. One second she was asleep, and then the next, she was awake. She remembered herself looking at the blinds of the window, how they weren’t fully closed that night for some reason, so the orange light from the streetlamp outside shone through the small slits, her room completely silent. This must have been what woke her up from her trance. The blinds were always closed, and the window was always open, letting in fresh air and the noises of Nottingham into her room. It was like her conscious had done it for her, alerted her that something was off and she needed to check her surroundings.

Y/N blinked, realising that the only sound in the room was her eyelids meeting and parting, and the rustling of her bedsheets as she made to sit up in bed. That was when she noticed a flicker of movement in the shadow beside her door. Something unexpected, something unlike what normally was.

“Hello?” Y/N asked, voice hoarse as she sat up completely in bed.

The room was quiet save for the sound of a trainer against Y/N’s carpeted floor. It was faint, and had Y/N’s window been open, she probably would not have heard it. She didn’t remember how she felt in that moment, it was like all emotion was stripped from that memory in order for her to objectively pick it apart over and over and over again. She could therefore not remember how she had felt when she recognised her sister, but she knew she must have been shocked.

“Marcela?” Y/N asked when she recognised the short brown hair of her sister in the shadow on the wall.

A small sigh and Y/N’s older sister stepped forward, letting the dim light of the outside streetlamp wash over her. Y/N had always envied her older sister for right about anything. The colour of her brown eyes, the way her hair looked almost bronze-coloured if the sun hit it just right on late summer afternoons, her wide and pretty smile, charming personality, and slim body were some of the many things that Y/N was jealous of. It just seemed like her sister lived a better, more eventful and meaningful life than Y/N ever would.

Even standing there, wearing a white and lilac floral summer dress, dungaree jacket and white Vans, in the middle of the night or early morning, Y/N thought Marcela had everything together. But whatever happened next to Y/N’s sister, Marcela could never have had it fully together, Y/N realised that now. Nothing that gruesome, that unknowable, could happen to someone who had it all figured out.

“Mari, what’re you doing here?” Y/N asked, reaching for her glasses on the nightstand and pushing them onto her face. “Aren’t you supposed to be in Newport?”

“Yeah,” Marcela answered, smiling at Y/N as if her being in her little sister’s room that late at night, when the world was asleep, was completely normal.

“What’re you doing here?” Y/N asked again.

“I forgot some things. Kit and I are on the way back. He’s waiting in the car.”

In that moment, Y/N did not think to ask Marcela of what exactly her sister had forgotten in Y/N’s room, which was again something she had beaten herself up for since.

“Y/N,” Marcela said, cocking her head to the side and smiling ever so slightly. “You should be asleep.”

Y/N forgot how to speak, just looking at her older sister as her still slow and sleepy brain tried to comprehend what was going on.

“It’s late, you’ve got school tomorrow.” Marcela walked backward towards the door, still directing that same reassuring smile at Y/N on the way there. “You know how grumpy you’re gonna be tomorrow morning if you don’t get your eight hours.”

“When will you be back?”

Marcela smiled. “Next weekend. I told you this.”

Y/N nodded again, feeling like this was all some sort of hallucination. Maybe it was just a dream.

Marcela held up her right hand and showed off the tattoo just below her thumb. One letter, for Y/N. Y/N’s hand immediately fell to the M just below her own right thumb. A M for Marcela. They had gotten it four months earlier for Y/N’s 16th. Y/N still remembered how scared she was, she did not want to be in pain. Marcela had informed her that it would hurt, but it would all be worth it in the end. Her sister had gotten a few tattoos, most of them up and down her arms, but Y/N knew she wanted even more of them. Y/N supposed her love for tattoos had started because of her sister. After her sister died, Y/N had just gone on to get more and more tattoos. She supposed it had been a coping mechanism in the beginning, to somehow feel close to Marcela, yet forget about her and everything for a little while as the smell of fresh ink, the sound of the needle, and the feel of a tingling pain took over all she knew.

“I’ll be back next weekend. Promise. Just let me have this week with Kit, yeah?”

Y/N swore she could hear a slight tremor to her sister’s voice. However, Marcela was not shaking as she took a hold of the door handle, and she did not look the slightest bit scared or like she was crying for help. No, she just looked like the Marcela Y/N had always known. And that was the problem. Nothing had been out of the ordinary. Something had to have been out of the ordinary.

“Y/N?”

She blinked, realising that she had been fixated on the M tattoo by her thumb again. She would sometimes drift off like this, thrown back to that moment in time that haunted her still, three years later.

“Amorzinho?”

Y/N looked up at her father who glanced over his shoulder at her, a slight furrow to his brows as if he knew exactly where she had just been. Davi and Y/N had always understood each other like that, especially after everything with Marcela happened three years ago. They would sometimes just find the other one staring out into thin air, or at something significant to Marcela, and the other would know right away where the other one had gone. Y/N did not know what memory her papai went back to, she never asked and, quite frankly, did not want to know. That whole experience was hard enough as it was, she had enough with her own memories and regrets.

“Y/N, you alright?” Davi asked, reaching for his daughter’s knee and squeezing it lightly. His positioning was a bit awkward from where he sat in the passenger seat and she sat right behind him in the car, but she felt reassured by his tender action nevertheless.

“Alright, pai,” Y/N answered, laying her hand on top of his.

Her father had always been the affectionate type. He would always go around touching the people that meant the most to him, whether it was a light caress to their cheek, a squeeze to their shoulder, a long hug, or a kiss to their cheek. Having grown up with a single mother and an older sister, he had learned from the best, and had not changed, even for his wife who had never been huge on showing affection. Y/N guessed that, in the case of her parents, opposites really did attract.

Where her father was loud, welcoming, and vulnerable, her mother was a bit more reserved, quiet, and tough. However, when Lottie had, at the ripe age of 24, travelled around South America with her mates after finishing her business degree, she had met Davi in Santos in Southern Brazil, the state of São Paulo, and they had fallen in love right away. It took a year for Lottie to leave Santos after that, bringing her then fiancé with her home to meet her family in Nottingham. Since then, the two of them had been together, and had brought Marcela and Y/N into this world.

It would be weird to not spend every single day with her parents. Everything was about to change drastically. The last time abrupt and extreme change had happened was that morning when Y/N’s parents realised Marcela hadn’t made it home from their cabin in Newport, Wales in time. It had been the day she disappeared. When they had gotten the news that she was murdered.

Y/N hoped her papai couldn’t tell that she was shaking.

“It’s not far now,” Lottie said from the driver’s seat. “Just a few minutes.”

Y/N nodded, looking out at the busy streets of North London as they drove on.

“You know what?” Davi said.

“What?”

“I think this is gonna be amazing.”

Y/N smiled at that, squeezing her father’s hand. “Yeah… I think it might be, too.”

“You will meet so many new people and learn so much. It will be the best time of your life.”

“I’ve told you, love. University was the absolute best time of my life.”

Davi looked at his wife.

Lottie clicked her tongue. “Oh, you know what I mean!”

“I do not. You say the best thing to ever happen to you is me, and yet-“

“-Darling, uni was the best time of my life, but meeting you was the best thing to happen to me.”

Davi threw his hands up in the air in exaggerated frustration, muttering something in Portuguese that Y/N did not catch. However, she couldn’t help her slight chuckle, and the grin on her face only widened when she saw her mother smiling, and then her father taking her hand, planting a lingering kiss to her skin before putting it back on the steering wheel. It was nice to witness casual affection between them like this. It was normal for Y/N to see it at this point, they had been like this her entire time growing up, but it was nice to be reminded that her parents loved each other.

“We’ll be on Orsman Road in five minutes tops,” Lottie said, looking back at Y/N as she stopped at a red light. “Nathan’s gonna meet you outside with your flat keys and such, yeah?”

“Yeah, he said he’d pick them up for me at the letting firm before I arrived.”

“Good,” Davi said.

“It’s nice that you get to move into an actual flat your first year of uni so that you get to be with someone you already know,” Lottie said. “As long as the uni’s got your address and knows you’ve got someplace to live, not living in uni accommodation is alright, if I understand correctly.”

“That’s what they said, anyway,” Y/N said.

“You just need a home. You’ll be home with Nathan.”

Y/N nodded, looking out at Hackney as they drove on. “Yeah.”

“He’ll take you to campus after, yes? So you can register and everything?”

Though Y/N had gone over this plan with her parents countless of times these last three hours, as well as the days leading up to departure, it seemed that her mum needed to be reminded one too many times. Taking a deep breath, Y/N said, “Yes.”

“Good. It’s important that you make it there by your time slot at 5. Reckon there’s heaps of students that are going to register at Helmond today.”

“Probs.”

“It’s important to be on time.”

“We will be.”

“Yeah, remember-“

“-Charlotte,” Davi said, putting his hand on his wife’s thigh. “Y/N’s got it under control.”

Lottie chanced a look at Davi as she turned off the main road and onto a smaller one. Y/N recognised this street from the FaceTime calls with Nathan where he had shown her around the street and flat. Though Y/N had been looking forward to this day for what felt like centuries, parts of her were still nervous, and Nathan’s video guides around her new flat and new neighbourhood had calmed her nerves considerably. She felt like she had already been here, but she could not wait to explore the areas of Hoxton and Hackney that she had yet to see.

As they drove down Orsman Road, Y/N could make out a figure in the distance that she felt like she had not seen in ages. A grin was instantly planted on her face and she fidgeted in her seat, wanting to jump out of the car and in Nathan’s direction. Her tall, lanky, slim, red-haired best friend stood by the entrance to what Y/N assumed would be 36 Orsman Road, squinting in the direction of Y/N’s car. At the sight of it, he started jumping up and down, waving enthusiastically as if he was stranded on a deserted island and a plane was flying by over him. Davi laughed, recognising his daughter’s best friend from the countless sleepovers, dinner parties, and drives home drunk from house parties on the other side of town.

Nathan banged on the window as Lottie parked the car by the side of the road, walking as the car was reversed into place, grinning at Y/N the entire time.

“Oh, my life,” Nathan said through the window, hands pressed against it. Y/N pressed her own against his. “I swear, you’ve taken ages. Thought you were gonna stand me up there.”

“Mate,” Y/N said, opening the car and throwing herself into Nathan’s arms. “Couldn’t miss going to uni with you, could I?”

Nathan squealed and hugged Y/N back, though he had to bend at an unnatural angle in order to do so.

“Nate, how are you?” Lottie asked as her and Davi started unloading the boot of the car, putting bags and boxes on the pavement to be carried upstairs.

“Can’t complain, Lottie, I really can’t. Just moved into a flat with me mates, we might go out tonight, and I have the pleasure of seeing your beautiful face today.”

Lottie laughed, squeezing Nathan’s arm before putting one of Y/N’s bags on her shoulder.

“Right, it’s the first and second floor,” Nathan explained, and upon seeing Davi’s confused expression, added, “It’s split-level.”

“Ahh!”

“Right.” Nathan bent down, taking one of the cardboard boxes. “I’ll show the way.”

“Stay behind, will you, darling?” Lottie asked Davi. “Just so we don’t leave anything on the pavement for anyone to nick.”

“Yes, you go ahead,” Davi answered, waving them off.

Nathan opened the front door and let Y/N and Lottie enter first. From the video calls, Y/N knew that once she arrived at the first story landing, the door to the left would be her and Nathan’s flat. Her new home. She was unsure if it would really dawn on her that she was going to be living on her own, without her parents, for the next three years, two of which were spent with Nathan in this flat. Living without her parents seemed liberating, but also terrifying. How was she going to survive without her papai’s cooking? Without the sound of her mother’s sewing machine? Without hearing their laughter as they watched something on the telly in the living room right below her room? How would she just go on living normally without them being close, like they had been all her life?

Nathan used his elbow to open the door and walked on in first this time to hold the door open for Y/N and her mum. Now, with her own two eyes, Y/N took in the place she would be living in over the next year, maybe two. The foyer they entered wasn’t long, but it had no particular furniture in it except for a painting on the wall opposite the stairs. Y/N suspected the landlord had printed out the popular painting and put it in a frame.

To her left was a slim white door – which matched the rest of the walls of the flat – that she knew to be the very spacious wardrobe. She would put her cardboard boxes and bags there once she was done unpacking, at least that was what Nathan had told her over FaceTime because he had done just that himself. To the right was another white door, this one with a window over it, and yet again, she knew this was where the kitchen would be. The door was open as she walked by, so she sneaked a look at it. The European Oak parquet stood in nice, warm contrast to the white cupboards and black countertops that went along the right wall and the wall right opposite to the door. Above the counter to the right, along the white tiled wall, was a long and small window. The view was nothing to brag about, just a greyish brick building and the pub on the other side of the road, The Stag’s Head.

Further along, the door into the living room stood open. As Lottie studied the kitchen, Y/N stood in the doorway to the shared space to just take a good look with her own two eyes. This, along with the bedrooms upstairs, was the only place in the flat with carpeted floor. The grey carpeted floor looked worn, as if it had been stepped on and used for countless of years prior, there were stains some places from what Y/N could only assume to be red wine and coffee. The left wall had four sets of windows; two smaller ones on the side and two bigger ones in the middle, where the smaller ones were the only ones it seemed that the tenants could open. The windows overlooked Regent’s Canal and the dark brown brick buildings on the other side. Not the prettiest view, but then, they were students and there weren’t many places in Haggerston, London that offered something pretty to look at.

Right underneath the windows, there was a radiator, and right beside that, positioned with its back against the wall opposite to the door where Y/N stood, was a blue sofa. In front of it, positioned against the wall facing it, was a table where a small telly was propped. A PlayStation was already plugged in and Y/N hoped it would be possible for her to somehow play Mario Kart on it as any other games did not interest her. Beside the sofa and the wooden coffee table in front of it, stood a red Poäng Ikea armchair with a footrest to match. That one also looked as worn as the rest of the living room. Y/N was sure that if she sat down, the chair would simply give out and turn to dust under her.

“Up we go,” Nathan said, walking straight past Y/N and up the stairs that leaned against the wall opposite to the living room and kitchen.

Before following her best friend, Y/N looked out through the windowed door, leading out to a mini terrace. You could barely fit two people out there, but she reckoned it would be a lush way to start her mornings. A fresh cuppa and the dreary sight of Haggerston.

“Y/N, you coming?!” Nathan called, making Y/N jump.

She looked back at her mum who just flashed a tight-lipped smile her way. Taking that as a good enough sign, Y/N followed Nathan upstairs. The hallway she was then presented with looked exactly like the one downstairs. However, right in front of her were two doors; the one to the left leading to the small toilet room, and the one beside it to the sink and shower. There was a door to her right as she came upstairs, two to her left, and another one right above where the terrace would be downstairs. That was the room Nathan was in now, putting down Y/N’s cardboard box.

“I’ll run downstairs and let Davi up so he can have a look,” Nathan smiled, walking past Y/N and Lottie to run down to the ground floor again.

The only things the room had to offer were a queen-sized bed, which at 204cm, took up all the space from wall to wall, but luckily enough, there was a drawer behind the door where Y/N could at least put all her clothes. This was the smallest room she had ever lived in.

“This is… rather spacious,” Lottie said, walking over to the windows above the bed and opening them both to let some fresh air in.

“Can’t really expect much if I’m gonna live in London, though. And I’m a student.”

“Precisely.” Lottie took her hands on her hips, looking out at the view from Y/N’s window. It was the same one as from the terrace just under them. The weather that day had been just as nice as Y/N had suspected of the South; a little-too-hot early autumn afternoon, partly cloudy, with busy pavements and crowded parks. She knew that the weather would soon match what she was used to from the Midlands. Even though she would now live farther south, she knew lousy weather was just as likely in London as it was in Nottingham. Y/N was suddenly very happy her mother had opened the windows to let in some of the canal wind.

A small sniffle sounded, and Y/N immediately looked to Lottie who still had her face turned away from her daughter.

“Mum?”

“Look at that!” Davi exclaimed, entering the room with a massive grin on his face.

The different reactions her parents had to the flat just reminded Y/N of how different they were.

“I know, pai,” Y/N said, looking around her room. “A wee bit small, but I’ve never needed much, have I?”

“With all those clothes you’ve brought?!” Lottie asked, looking down at the bag where Y/N’s clothes were, still not meeting anyone’s gaze. “You have too much clothes for your own good. When do you even use most of it?”

“Well, I don’t usually bring out the crop tops and see-through shirts for family gatherings, mum. Might be it.”

“Thank God.”

Y/N watched her mum for a few seconds, knowing something was wrong the moment she started fussing over the bare bed in front of her.

“You need a nightstand,” Davi pointed out, walking over to stand by the bed, indicating with his hand where the nightstand would go. “And a desk.”

“Nathan and I talked about popping by an Ikea. Nearest one’s in Greenwich, I think. Or Wembley.”

“Good! Nathan hasn’t brought his car down, has he?” Davi asked.

“No, he left it-“

“-Speaking of Nathan, I’ll go downstairs and let him carry the last box upstairs.” Before either Davi or Y/N could say anything else, Lottie was out the door and down the stairs, walking down to the car again.

Y/N looked at her papai, seeing a slight furrow to his brows as he regarded his wife retreating downstairs.

“What’s wrong?” Y/N asked in a low voice, listening to the sound of her mother’s footsteps down the stairs.

Davi met Y/N’s eyes, shrugging one shoulder. “Think she’s a little sad.”

Y/N bit the side of her mouth, sighing slowly.

“It’s a weird day. You’re moving away to University, and last time… last time we drove one of our daughters away like this, she didn’t come home.”

For some reason, Y/N had seen something like this happening. Though her mother had a weird way of showing it, she was constantly terrified after what happened to Marcela, and she was especially protective of Y/N. It had been hard for Lottie to let Y/N have any sort of social life that first year after Marcela. She would want to know everything about where Y/N was heading, who would be there, what they were going to do, and when Lottie could come and pick her up. Though this had been alright in the beginning - Y/N had known even then that it must be her mother’s way of coping with everything – it got a bit much as months, and then years went on. Y/N loved her mother, she really did, but she acted as if Y/N could not protect or take care of herself, something she was more than capable of.

“Pai, I won’t die at uni.”

“I know,” Davi said, wrapping an arm around Y/N’s shoulders. “But your mother still has a hard time taking it all in. You won’t be home, and she won’t have you near anymore. It’ll be a lot.”

Y/N nodded, resting her head back against her papai’s arm.

“Cosy moment,” Nathan smiled as he entered the room with the last box, placing it down on the floor beside the other ones.

“Is mum downstairs?” Y/N asked.

“Yeah, she’s by the car. Think she’s waiting for you two.”

Y/N and Davi nodded, Davi then taking a last look around his daughter’s room, smiling as he already knew she would make the bleak setting one many would envy. Y/N, after all, had always had a sense for these kinds of things.

“I’ll wait in my room, which is the one by the toilet,” Nathan informed, pointing to the open door behind him. “Just come knock when you’re ready to head for the uni, yeah?”

“Yeah, I’ll only be a minute.”

“No worries, babes, take all the time you need.”

Y/N smiled, walking past Nathan while Davi gave him a hug, wishing him good luck to come in the approaching first semester of University. It would be Nathan’s second year, so he knew what he was going into compared to her, but she knew Nathan appreciated Davi’s encouraging words regardless.

Y/N walked down towards the ground floor, her papai right behind her as they exited the flat building. Lottie stood by the car, arms crossed and eyes on something further up the street. It was as if she was looking for something, making sure it was safe for her Y/N to live there without her mother’s supervision.

“Mum,” Y/N said, now recognising the worry on her mother’s face. “Mum, it’ll be alright.”

She walked straight for her mother, wrapping her arms around her in a tight embrace. Though it would normally have been the other way around, the parents reassuring their kid they would be fine on their own, Y/N now patted her mother on the back and felt her bury her face into her daughter’s shoulder. Davi walked over as well, placing a hand on Lottie’s arm, squeezing her lightly. Some time went by without any one of them saying anything, just feeling and processing the words left unsaid.

Soon, Davi let out a small sigh, hugging the back of Y/N’s frame and mumbling her name against the top of his daughter’s head.

“We’re going to miss you,” he said, leaving a kiss against her hair.

Too caught up in her mother’s sadness, Y/N did not realise until just then that this was the moment she had been dreading. This one, where she stood by her parents’ car, saying goodbye to them and watching them start on their drive back home to Nottingham without her.

It was a complex state of being. Going away to University, starting a new life for herself, was something Y/N had dreamed of for as long as she could remember. She wanted to experience new things and to study something she was passionate about. But part of her was still pulling her back towards Nottingham, home. It would feel wrong, maybe even like being abandoned, thrust into adult reality, when she watched her parents drive off.

The thought of her living in the biggest city in the country by herself, did not sit right with her in that second. She was suddenly six again, her papai teaching her how to ride a bike. She was eleven, getting her period for the first time and her mother showing her how to use a pad. She was sixteen, having forgotten she had an important maths exam the next day, resulting in her and Davi sitting up for hours until she knew what she was doing. She lived at home, where her parents could protect her, help her, guide her, and provide for her at any given second. They would always be there whenever she needed them, always close and ready to pour every ounce of love onto her.

But now, even though she knew her parents would still love her the same and always be at her service whenever she needed them, now they would live separate lives. She would still be part of their lives and they would be part of hers, but they would not intermingle, get stuck, and weave themselves together like they had done since Y/N’s day of birth and until now. Y/N had not lived a single day in her life where she had not physically been close to her parents in one form or another. She had known it would be hard to watch them leave, she knew she would hate herself for this once she sat in her room all alone that same night or when researching information for an essay in a month’s time. Even though part of her was looking forward to what was to come, another part did not want to be left. She wanted a new life, but she was terrified of letting the old one, the safe one, go.

“Oh, my baby,” Lottie said as she pulled away, taking Y/N’s face in her hands. “My wee Y/N.”

Y/N went back in for another hug just so her mother wouldn’t see how glassy her eyes were. She felt them stinging and knew she would shed a tear soon.

“You will have no problems at uni,” Davi said, squeezing his daughter.

“How do you know that?” Y/N mumbled into her mother’s shoulder, closing her eyes as to make sure no tears escaped. She felt pathetic, but the overwhelming realisation that her parents would leave her in a few minutes had hit her like a brick.

“Because we know you. We know you’ll make friends; we know you’ll excel.” Davi took a step away, placing both hands on her shoulders. “Deep down, you know that, too.”

“As much as I hate the fact that I won’t get to see you every single day or know what you’re doing, I know you’re going to love being at University and you’re going to love London,” Lottie said, rubbing Y/N’s back.

“I don’t want you to leave.” Y/N sounded like a wee child, refusing to let her parents leave her at kindergarten for seven hours.

Davi squeezed Y/N’s shoulders again. “It’ll be alright, querida.”

“You don’t know that.”

“But I do. You feel like this now because this is a huge change. University is the beginning of adult life, it’s scary, but you’ll love it.”

Y/N chose not to argue with her papai as she knew he was only trying to make her feel better. And also, though she did not want them to leave, she knew that the longer she stayed there with them, the higher the risk was for her to bawl her eyes out into her mum’s shoulders. Slowly, making sure to wipe her eyes discreetly against her mother’s shoulder, Y/N stepped away from her parents, trying to smile at them both. She knew they could tell she was about to cry, but was grateful that neither one of them pointed it out.

“Goodbye, my baby,” Lottie said, stroking Y/N’s cheek. “Please call us tonight or tomorrow, we want to see your room when it’s all finished.”

Y/N nodded. She always kept her mouth shut when she was about to cry, it was as if speaking made all emotion float out of her through her open mouth, and she started crying uncontrollably.

“We’ll see you soon,” Davi smiled. “Remember to have fun, yes? This is going to be so much better than you think.”

She smiled, watching her father sit down in the passenger side and her mother climb into the driver’s side.

“Remember your time slot, Y/N. Remember to get to the uni on time to register-“

“-Lotts,” Davi warned.

“Right, alright,” Lottie sighed, getting the car going. She turned back to Y/N one last time blowing her a kiss. “Love you.”

“Te amo!” Davi shouted, waving and grinning at his daughter.

Y/N was left standing there looking after the car as her parents drove off. She was unable to move for a moment, the only thing she managed to do was stare after the car until it was out of sight. When it was, Y/N felt an instant sort of empty feeling in her stomach. She was on her own. Her parents were on their way back to Nottingham, and she was here. In London. Alone. Momentarily, Y/N’s excitement about uni and everything she would experience these next three years, was all insignificant. The lack of her parents’ presence was like stripping reality of warm colour, replacing them with the dreary and cold.

She felt her eyes begin to sting and let one tear roll down her cheek. Then, wiping the next few off her face, she started making her way up to her new flat. She closed the ground door behind her, and then the front door of the flat when she reached it. Nathan was out on the balcony with a cigarette in one hand and his phone in the other. He did not notice Y/N as she walked up to her room again and she was very happy he did not.

Walking straight for the bathroom, the door right in front of the stairs once you reached the first storey of the split flat, Y/N closed and locked the door afterwards. She turned water on, scooped some coldness into her hands and splashed it over her face. Without hesitating, she did it again, turning the tap off before looking at herself in the mirror above the sink. She wiped the water off her face with the sleeves of her jumper, cursing herself for not having brought a towel in with her.

“You’re a bad bitch,” she hissed at her reflection. “Why’re you crying?”

A small gasp left Y/N’s lips and she turned the tap on again, splashing her face with more cold water. She had no idea if it was helping any, but she had a strange sense that by doing it, she would feel better afterwards. However, looking at herself in the mirror again, she did not feel the least bit better.

“What’s wrong with you?” she asked herself in a whisper. “Can you stop crying? There’s literally no need to cry.”

But there was, her brain retorted, and that alone brought more tears to her eyes. Y/N knew that had she been driven down here by her parents to be on holiday for a week or two, she would not have cried. Maybe she would have cried the day before going home because she would rather be in London than Nottingham because she loved it so much, but she would not have cried when her parents drove off. In fact, she was sure she would have loved to see them go and known she was free to do whatever she wanted, when she wanted.

But this was different. She lived in London now. Her mother couldn’t just come whenever Y/N needed her, and her papai couldn’t stop whatever he was doing to help her with whatever she was struggling with. It was a new life. A new beginning. And she had to do it all alone. She was used to being alone by choice, she didn’t like this feeling of alone.

“Y/N?!” Nathan called as he walked up the stairs. “Y/N, you in your room?!”

Taking a deep breath and wiping a little excess water off her cheek, she unlocked the bathroom door and stepped outside just as Nathan stood in the doorway of her room. Nathan took one look at her and said, in a quiet and low tone, “They left?”

Y/N inhaled slowly. “Yeah.”

Nathan walked over to her, bringing her in for a hug. Y/N hugged him back tightly, appreciating the reassurance. She knew she wasn’t alone, she had Nathan after all, but it was still strange to be here without her parents.

All her time throughout school, Y/N had looked forward to moving away to University. Her and Nathan had planned out their lives once they got to uni, in detail, and could spend hours on end just making plans for Freshers Week and the parties they would attend. Having been friends since year three of school, the two of them had made a lot of plans throughout the years. Most of the plans, they had never gone through with, but it was still fun to imagine. Neither could remember what exactly had gotten them to talk to one another that first time, but they had always suspected it was their mutual friend, Ella, who had gotten them talking. Since then, Nathan and Y/N had been inseparable.

They always did the stupidest things together, annoying all their friends and family. They got their license on the same day, would often sleep out in one of their gardens just because they could, always made the other a Build-a-Bear for their birthday, knew each other’s favourite scents, tastes, turn ons and turn offs, and everything in between. It was a friendship that was seen as maybe a little too close, but once you found your soulmate, there were no boundaries anymore. At least that was how Y/N and Nathan saw it. Besides, there was a sense of bond between them that only people identifying as queer could understand. Though neither of them had known at the age of seven when they met that they would grow up to identify as gay and bisexual, they knew now that their bodies, on some level, had known, and therefore drawn them to one another.

When you’re around other people from the LGBT community, there is not only a sense of understanding between you, but also undeniable, immeasurable comfort and support. No matter what. It’s a home, someplace to be completely you, without feeling like you need to tone it down or be ashamed, something the outer world sometimes could make you think you needed to. Y/N was therefore incredibly happy that her, as a bisexual, had found Nathan, who was himself with his whole heart, and who encouraged her to be the same.

“You ready to go to uni?” Nathan asked.

“Yeah, I’ll just change into a tee shirt.”

Nathan let go of her and followed her into her room.

Having always been plus size, Y/N broke a sweat rather easily. She therefore knew that she might freeze a bit in the beginning, but if her and Nathan were supposed to walk up and down stairs at tube stations and walk indoors at Helmond, she would need to wear a tee shirt to cool herself down some.

She took her jumper off, lobbing it on the still empty bed before she opened her bag filled with tops. She dragged a tee shirt out at random, taking a look at the black tee shirt with a white half moon embroidered onto the chest. Dragging it over her head, she walked to the full-body mirror that her mother had insisted on her bringing. She said there were rarely mirrors in student houses, and she was right. Looking at herself, Y/N ran a hand over her black denim shorts, studying how her faux leather sock boots went with the rest of her outfit. The chunky soles were amazing for walking, and she knew her feet would be aching by the time they got back home.

“Hmm,” Y/N said. “Might change into jeans, actually.”

“Why?” Nathan asked, furrowing his brows. “You look good in that.”

“I know, but the chafing.”

Nathan, who had heard this before, only nodded. With his noodle legs, he had never experienced chafing, and therefore did not say anything. Y/N knew this and appreciated him not trying to relate to her problems as a plus size woman. He could understand many of her problems, but never that.

Bringing her trouser bag forth, she got a pair of black jeans out, putting them on, making sure the sock boots were on the outside of the tight-fitted denim, and then the two of them were on their way. Y/N brought a tote bag, putting her phone, purse, and flat keys in it.

They arrived at Haggerston tube station on Lee Street, and once they were there, Nathan helped Y/N set up her Oyster card. The card would be an easier payment method for public transport around London, and though she could easily just tap her bank card, an Oyster card was, according to Nathan, a better way of doing it.

“You can use it for right about anything,” Nathan explained as they stood by the Overground platform, waiting for the Crystal Palace / New Cross / West Croydon train to arrive. “We’re talking Underground, Overground, Tramlink, all buses, River Services, you name it.”

“You always take the tube to uni.”

“I beg to differ.”

“Nate, you literally send a snapchat every single day before you go to uni of you sitting on the Overground.”

Nathan tutted, shaking his head. “I also walk.”

“When?”

“Blimey, I can walk. I do have legs, have you seen them?”

“Pretty hard to miss when they take up 80% of your body.”

Nathan gasped, nudging Y/N before the two of them laughed. The train arrived, and they got onboard, sitting down on one of them orange seats along the walls. They got off at Whitechapel, weaving past people to get to the Underground this time. They took an escalator down to the District and Hammersmith & City lines, Y/N following Nathan as he made a right turn for the Eastbound route.

“I know that exact walk, from the Overground to the District Line, like the back of my hand,” Nathan said, grinning proudly as they stepped aboard the train, holding onto the pole in between two doors. The doors closed, and Y/N had to hold on tight as not to faceplant onto the tube floor. That would not have been an ideal way of starting her conversion into a proper Londoner.

“Thought you said you walked to uni as well.”

“Well, I still do!”

“Alright.” Y/N nodded. “When’re we getting off?”

“Stepney Green.”

“This is Stepney Green. Change here for Hammersmith & City-“

Y/N raised her eyebrows at Nathan. “Really? Not even one stop?”

“Leave off, you hag.”

“Please, mind the gap between the train and the platform edge.”

The two walked up to the surface again and started on their ten-minute walk to Helmond from there. Y/N thought it would take them longer to get there considering she was a slow walker, something Nathan always had to consider when walking around with her, but it did not. The lack of her parents’ presence still hung in the air around her, it was still thick as fog, and she knew the longing for their closeness would not clear away within the next few days, but the moment she set her eyes on her University, she forgot about everything for just a little bit.

Helmond, University of London rose up before them in beautiful red and white bricks, shining in the late September sun like a lone castle in the middle of a vast and dark forest. It felt like Y/N had been without food and water for days, and the sign of the castle, the sign of life, brought a new sense of meaning to her. The massive University took up an entire 175-acre rectangle in London, enrolling a total of 20 thousand students, and being the second biggest London University for that reason alone, only barely beaten by Battersea, University of London, who hosted 35 thousand. Regardless, Helmond was the oldest uni in London, the first one to be established in the capital in 1817. Y/N felt very small looking at it, even though it wasn’t a particularly tall building, but she knew how big it was from the Open Day she had spent walking around campus grounds with her parents.

Nathan led Y/N over to the stairs and the two walked on in. It was like stepping right into a Renaissance painting. The ceilings were tall and vaulted, grand pillars against the walls up and down the halls. This hall was white, but Y/N knew that in other places in Helmond, the ceilings were painted, making it look like a sort of Versailles rip-off.

Immediately as you walked in, you stepped into the entry hall that was filled with first years trying to find their way around the uni. Right ahead was the reception area and a statue of Victor Helmond, the founder of the school and the first headmaster. To Y/N, he looked right about just like those old statues from the 1800s did, he was no different with his medium height, messy hair, and beard. Through the tall French windows behind the reception and statue, Y/N glimpsed one of the two massive courtyards in the middle of the University. 

The uni was built around two quads, separating them was another quad just behind a red and white brick bridge, making it easier for students to get to lectures on time instead of walking their way through the long hallways, past lecture halls, cafeteria, and shops. Y/N could envision herself walking that bridge quite a few times over the next few years. There was another statue in the middle of the courtyard Y/N could see now, red and white tiled paths leading up to the fountain it stood on from each of the four walls facing it. The other courtyard was a replica of this one, only the statue was different. The one Y/N could see was Victor Helmond’s wife, Maud, and she knew that in the other courtyard, there was a statue of Queen Victoria. She had been told all of this on her Open Day months ago.

People were sitting in the grass of the quads, either with books in their hands or surrounded by friends. No one looked to have a care in the world, not even another oncoming year at uni. Y/N wished she could be as relaxed as them, and told herself that at one point, when she felt more at home here, she would.

“Coming?” Nathan asked after a little while, walking backwards while keeping his eyes on Y/N.

“Yeah.”

She followed him and the two walked further down the hall where there was a queue. Nathan stopped there and smiled at Y/N, nodding in the direction of the open door.

“Won’t be too long, there are tons of student representatives standing there, so it’ll take us ten minutes,” Nathan explained.

And he was right, it did not take them long to get to the front of the queue. They were stood in what Y/N could only assume to be a room specifically used for meetings. The table was fixed to look like a horse shoe, right about ten student representatives standing there, helping to register those that were there to start their first year.

“Next!” a woman called, and with one last look at Nathan, Y/N walked in her direction, giving her, what she hoped to be, a friendly smile as she approached.

“What’s your surname?” the student representative asked.

“Montes.”

She looked behind her, taking some time to find a M. She walked up and down the row of tables behind her, but once she finally came back to Y/N, she placed a manila folder on the table in front of her.

“Y/N Montes, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Studying English Literature?”

“Yup.”

“Brilliant,” the woman said, bending down to retrieve something more Y/N had to bring with her. “Just sign your name, date of birth, and the student halls you’re living in on the paper in front of you, please.”

“I don’t live in halls.”

“Ah, well, then you just write your address down. The uni just wants to know where you live, really. Especially if you’ve moved here to attend uni.”

Y/N nodded, taking the pen laid before her and writing under Jack Williams that had been before her.

“English Lit?”

After only having signed her name, Y/N looked up at the girl to her left who had just talked. She was looking straight at Y/N with a small smile on her face.

“I’m doing English Lit, too,” the girl said, her smile growing.

Y/N smiled back. “Really?”

“Yeah,” she blonde said, grinning now. “I’m Chloe.”

“Y/N.”

Chloe made a small bow. “Pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

“And yours.” Y/N cursed herself for not being funnier. This girl would not want to be her friend if she wasn’t funny.

“Not to be like this,” the bloke helping Chloe out said. “But could you do this outside? We need to register more people.”

“Of course,” Chloe said, sounding a little too charming for her own good. She glanced back at Y/N, hugging her manila folder to her chest. “See you around, Y/N.”

“And you.”

Y/N’s entire chest burst with a sort of contentment only strange encounters could bring forth. It was a sort of reminder that Y/N was appreciated and seen by someone she barely knew; someone she appreciated and saw in return. Knowing that, even though they might not stay friends for their entire time at uni, they would at least lean on each other as lectures began. She could find Chloe and sit down next to her, and it would not be weird.

“Wicked,” Nathan said as Y/N came walking in his direction with the Helmond folder in her hands. “Now, let’s go for dinner. I’m famished.”

And so they did. They stopped by a pub on the way home, staying there for two hours just talking, eating and drinking. It was nice to finally be with Nathan again. He had been in London for well over a month, and as much as Y/N wanted to come down there, she needed all those hours of work to earn money for uni. New Look did not pay well, but at least she had a bit of money to use right off the bat. She’d need a new job, though. And fast.

This time around they walked back to the flat, taking the hour it took to just take in the stroll that Y/N knew she would take more than she would take the tube. There was just a lot to look at, and no hills, meaning that the stroll would not kill her. Another bonus was the time she would get to spend just listening to music, something she adored. Once again, she completely forgot about her parents and them leaving, until they reached the flat an hour later. Remembering brought a white-hot ball of aching to Y/N’s stomach, making it hard for her to swallow properly. She assumed it would be like this for a few days, if not weeks. She’d have to find her place and her people before the feeling of longing for her parents and life back home in Nottingham, would dissipate.

It was very dark in the flat when they finally got home around 8. Nathan stumbled a bit when they walked through the door, making Y/N laugh her ass off. Nathan only flipped her off before urging her to walk on in. She did, taking her shoes off and leaving them by the door. The light in the kitchen was on, and because Y/N assumed they must have left it on before they left, she did not bother to take a proper sweeping look over the room before reaching for the light switch. She stopped.

Nathan was busy closing and locking the front door, humming to that Tinie Tempah song that was always played in any sort of club setting. He must have been clubbing the night before, she reckoned. The rest of the flat was quiet. It was left in darkness. It was therefore weird to Y/N that she saw a hallucination in the middle of the lit-up kitchen. Would it not have been wiser of her brain, a bit scarier also perhaps, to put that hallucination in the corner of her dark room? Why was she seeing it right there, in the kitchen, in vivid detail? She wouldn’t remember ever having hallucinated… him. Her sister sometimes showed up, but Y/N never saw her in detail, only as she remembered her from that last time she saw her. But this… this was different. Y/N fucking hated it.

“Y/N,” he said, voice darker than she remembered it.

Blinking a few times to get the sight of him out of her head, she turned the lights off and turned to Nathan who struggled taking his shoes off, now humming to another song.

“Nate, literally shut up. Chainsmokers is rank.”

“Oi! Closer is a fucking belter!”

“Y/N, could you turn the lights back on, please?”

There it was again. His voice. She closed her eyes and shook her head forcefully, as she did to get rid of Marcela’s image. With a hand on the strap of her tote bag, Y/N started on her journey towards the stairs.

“Oi, Y/N, why’re you leaving the man in the dark?” Nathan asked, frowning over at Y/N as she stopped moving. What… What did Nathan just say? Had he seen Y/N’s hallucination as well? Were they both hallucinating? What had been in the two pints they’d just had? Nathan wasn’t drunk, was he?

She could tell by the yellow light that flooded into the hallway from the kitchen that Nathan had turned the lights back on. Slowly, she looked over her shoulder at Nathan, meeting his gaze right away. Nathan glanced into the kitchen, giving the hallucination a smile before asking, a little too casually, “You’re home early.”

“Work was slow. Let me off early so I could get a few extra hours sleep in before uni starts.”

Y/N shook her head again, walking over and putting a hand on Nathan’s shoulder to check if he was real and not just another hallucination. Nathan looked to Y/N right away, a deep furrow to his brows as Y/N felt his neck and cheek.

“Have you cracked your skull? What’re you doing?” Nathan asked.

“You can see him?” Y/N blinked at Nathan, nodding in the direction of the kitchen.

“Of course, I can see Harry. I’m not blind and I did develop the ability to sense another human beings’ presence when they’re in the same room as me. He’s standing right there, isn’t he?”

“No, he… he’s not…”

Y/N looked at the hallucination again then. Harry Styles. She had not thought about him in months, had not seen him in years. They had not been in each other’s proximity since he lived in Nottingham with his father three years ago. Had not spoken properly since that day in late August 2014 when they spent the night together. And there he was, standing in the kitchen of her new uni flat. She could not believe it. There were so many questions running through Y/N’s head in that second that she did not know which one to ask Nathan, who, it seemed, had no problem with Harry Styles being in their kitchen.

“Yes, he is,” Harry answered slowly, looking at Y/N with his eyebrows raised. They rose even higher up his forehead once he caught Nathan’s eye. “You didn’t tell her.”

“What?” Y/N looked at Nathan. “Didn’t tell me what?”

Nathan raised his shoulders in a shrug that Y/N knew was only done to buy her best friend some time. He pursed his lips, refusing to meet either of their eyes. “Might’ve slipped my mind.”

Harry cocked his head, putting the glass of milk he was holding back onto the counter. “Slipped… your mind?”

“I forgot.”

“You forgot?!”

“Y/N’s blind, you’re deaf. What’s next?”

“Nate, please, for the love of fuck, tell me you told her.”

“Nate?” That made Y/N retreat, two lines etched between her brows as she looked to Harry again, then back at Nathan. “You only let your mates call you that.”

Harry let out a short, high-pitched laugh. “Brilliant. You didn’t even tell her about me in general. What’s that about? You ashamed of me?”

“Oh, don’t take the piss, you wank-stain.” Nathan rolled his eyes. “I knew it would not go down very well.”

Harry crossed his arms. “And this way it would?”

“I was gonna sit her down and tell her, but I never got around to it. Alcohol called, she wanted us to have two pints at a pub.”

“Don’t blame this on a pint, you could’ve told her ages ago.”

“Can someone please,” Y/N called, making Nathan stop whatever he was about to say. “Tell me what the bloody hell is going on?”

Nathan and Harry looked at one another, exchanging a sort of glance Y/N could almost decipher, but in her confused state was too dizzy to try and comprehend. They stood like that for a few seconds, making grimaces at one another, having a telepathic argument that Y/N wanted in on.

“Hello?!” she called, making both boys jump and look at her again.

“Nathan,” Harry said, picking his glass of milk up again and taking a sip.

“Right,” Nathan sighed, turning his body in Y/N’s direction. “Y/N, Harry’s gonna be living with you for the rest of the year.”

Harry huffed. “Want me to move out next year, do you? Don’t wanna live with me our third year?”

“Oh, you know I do, but one year at a time, yeah? Don’t need to traumatise her more than necessary.”

Y/N did not know what to do. Out of all possible scenarios, out of all horrible happenings at University, she had not seen this one coming. Never in her wildest dreams had she thought this would ever happen. She quite frankly thought she had left Harry Styles behind her in her past, never to be in contact with or meet him again. But he was one of her new flatmates. She would be living with him for at least a year, two if she did not decide to move out. They had been each other’s first time, and then never spoke to each other again, despite everything else. That was three years ago, and now what? Were they supposed to talk it through? Were they supposed to ignore it? Ignore each other?

Y/N’s head was spinning, and it seemed the rest of the flat was spinning with her. Taking one last look at Harry and Nathan, she started walking in the direction of the stairs. Whatever the two were arguing about, they stopped the second they saw her strolling away.

“Oi, what’re you doing?” asked Nathan.

“I’m fucking going to my room to get away from you,” Y/N asked, voice razor sharp. “Unless you forgot to tell me there’s a corpse hidden inside my wardrobe?”

“It’s just 8. The night’s still young.”

“I don’t care.”

“Mate-“

“-Is there a corpse in my room? Or lice in my mattress? Or any other rather big news you’d like to tell me?”

Nathan must have known this would happen, but he still looked nervous as he shook his head, indicating that there was nothing else he was supposed to have told her but hadn’t.

“Good,” Y/N said. “I’ll deal with whatever kind of situation this is, tomorrow.” She paused. “Or maybe the day after that.” Another pause. “Fuck this. Fuck you.” She pointed at Nathan.

“I’m just trying to make us all be friends here,” he said. “Besides, don’t fuck me, I’m gay. And…” Nathan nodded in the direction of the kitchen where Harry stood. “You’ve already fucked him-“

“-I’ll literally murder you, Nathan,” Y/N hissed, and she swore she could hear a grunt of disapproval from Harry’s end as well, not having appreciated Nathan’s comment.

Without another look at them, she walked up the stairs and to her room, locking herself in there. It was then that she realised she hadn’t gotten her bed ready for the night. However, in her infuriated state, Y/N did not care. She got her pillow out from one of her bags along with her duvet, opening the windows to let some fresh air in and pulled the curtains close. She wasn’t really about to go to bed, but she knew that she would cry in not too long because she missed home, and her anger at Nathan and Harry did not help. If she got angry enough, she’d cry. Hard.

She could not believe this. It did not feel real. Ever since that night in August, she had not talked to Harry, and she did not think she ever would again. However, here she was, living in the same flat as him. It wasn’t as if their time together had been more awkward than they had anticipated, but the reason why she could not stand him was because, even though had kept every single other promise he’d ever made, he had not even done as much as look at her after they had sex. He had not called like he promised he would. Had not kept in contact with her after moving away. Had not been what he had promised he would be: different. A mate.

They had promised each other at the time that this would not be awkward, they would just get it over with, be awkward with one another, and then forget it ever happened. They would go back to being mates. But then Harry had shut her out, and they had not talked since. At times, when Y/N thought about this not too long after it had happened, she was scared that the entire reason why Harry had even been friendly in the first place was so they’d fuck and forget about one another. Sometimes it was easier to tell herself that than to remember all the lovely times. Y/N chose to repress those. He was not worth it.

She heard Nathan’s voice and then Harry’s along with footsteps. They were walking up the stairs, talking in hushed voices as if scared to wake anyone up. Y/N supposed it was the last flatmate that she had yet to meet, and considering how Nathan had not told her she would be living with Harry for the next year, she was scared to think who the last flatmate would be.

There was a knock at her door.

Y/N rubbed a hand over her face. “Drink piss.”

“Y/N, I just wanna talk.”

“No, Nathan.”

He jiggled the door handle. “Please.”

“Nathan, I need to be alone or else I’m sure I’m gonna fucking choke you till your eyes pop,” Y/N said. “Harry Styles, Nathan!”

“Yes, Y/N, I know!” Nathan said, sounding genuinely conflicted as well. “I know I should have told you he goes to Helmond! And that we’re mates here! I know!”

“Why didn’t you?”

“’Cause I knew you wouldn’t live with me if I told you,” Nathan admitted. “I had been looking forward to you coming here for so long, and Harry, Mason, and I kind of agreed to move in together. I told Harry, but he never had a problem with it, but I knew you would, because… well… everything that happened in Notts.”

Y/N rolled her eyes.

“But believe me that I didn’t do this as a way for you and Harry to, like, start talking again-“

“-‘Cause if you did-“

“-Oh, I know I would’ve been dead by now if that was the case, I know.” Nathan sighed. “Y/N, he’s not as much of a knob-“

“-He is a knobhead. Now, then, forever. Now, leave me alone.”

Nathan knew there was no way for him to make this any better. Once Y/N had made her mind up, it was hard to change her perspective on things. Getting her used to Harry, to living with him, to accepting this fate of hers, would take a very long fucking time.

Nathan said a small, “Later” from down the hall, and Harry replied with a “Have a good one” that seemed a bit closer somehow. Before she knew it, the door just beside hers opened, a small creak to it as Harry stepped in. It closed just after Nathan’s did, and Y/N heard the sound of footsteps from the room just beside hers. Not only was Harry Styles, the person who took her virginity, and Y/N Montes, the person who took Harry Styles’ virginity, living in the same flat. No, their rooms were also right next to one another. Brilliant. Fucking brilliant. Not only had she cried an abnormal amount today, sprained her ankle some on her walk home, and been uncharacteristically awkward when meeting new people, but she had also moved into the same house as her ex-friend.

Y/N turned her face, burying it into her pillow, and screamed.

Monday, 18 September 2017

There were people everywhere. Y/N was used to there being heaps of people everywhere she looked and did not mind crowds. She liked the company of people around her, the sounds of civilisation. In fact, it relaxed her much more than a calm countryside ever could. When walking through Canada Water, she did not mind people bumping into her or them walking right past her. It just showed signs of people and she loved that. She hated being alone, hated the sound of her own breathing and nothing to accompany her.

That was one of the reasons why she had looked forward to moving to London in the first place. She wanted the comfort of never being alone, of always having someone around, which she knew she would appreciate about London. Of course, she knew there were places in London she could go to be on her own, but she liked the idea of never, truly, being alone. The prospect of being alone, terrified her. She was never lonely, she had a lot of friends, she was close with her parents, but being alone, with no one else around, was something else entirely.

She did not feel lonely, even though she did not know any of the people around her at this precise moment in the tube station, she was surrounded by people and there was a comfort in that. Years & Years blasted from her earbuds and it was hard not to sing along when Desire went as hard as it did. So, instead of singing with her whole chest in the middle of the tube station, Y/N settled for miming the words with her mouth. She loved Years & Years more than she could articulate, so it was hard for her not to go crazy while listening to them. She could not wait for their second album to drop sometime next year.

Y/N walked towards the Eastbound platform as she reached the Jubilee line level. Nathan would be waiting for her at Ikea in Greenwich, as he had gone for a few other errands in the area, which ones Y/N did not know, but she had no problem meeting him there. However, she would have much more preferred it if he could have gone there with her, as she much more preferred to hang out with her friends than getting to places by herself. She just needed to take the Jubilee line to North Greenwich, and then take the 161 bus to Millennium Leisure Park East, and there Nathan would be waiting for her. That was all she had to do on her own, then she would have company.

She had not yet forgiven him for not telling her about Harry, but she didn’t have anyone else to take to Ikea, so she’d just have to ignore it until she had the energy to talk it through. Until then, she’d be passive aggressive and make Nathan feel bad for keeping it from her. Not the best way to go about it, she knew, but it would do for now.

The train arrived and Y/N waited patiently before she boarded it, letting the passengers that were already aboard get off before she started making her way on. Too anxious to sit down, Y/N took to standing by the pole just by the door she just entered, holding onto it with two other business men, neither who paid anyone on that train any attention as all of it were on the phone in front of them. Y/N reached for her phone then, typing out a message to Nathan that she was on her way. Or… at least she hoped she was.

“This is a Jubilee line train to Stratford; the next station is Canary Warf.”

Y/N let out a small sigh of relief, mentally patting herself on the back for managing to make it this far on her journey to Ikea Greenwich without getting completely lost. She felt her phone vibrate in her hand, and she immediately raised it to look at her new notification.

Nathan

Glad you’re finding your way around London, can be quite challenging

Nathan

Especially when you have a pea brain

Nathan

Like you do

Y/N snorted, started typing a text out right away as she held onto the blue pole for dear life.

Y/N

Scientists have been working for years to find a brain inside your gigantic head, seems it’s too small to be found, even under a magnifying glass

Because of poor reception, the text did not send, and the thought of being so low underground that she had trouble reaching her loved ones, suddenly scared her a bit. Y/N closed her phone and looked up at the tube map as the speaker overhead announced their arrival at Canary Wharf, people milling on and off the train.

Y/N saw something just before the door closed. She stopped breathing. It was only for a split-second, but she could swear she had seen something. She recognised the denim jacket, the hair, the smile. No matter the scenario, where she was, what was happening, Y/N would remember and make out her sister. She would recognise her anywhere. This was no different.

However, it had only been for a single second, not even that. The doors had closed before Y/N got to take a proper look. Right away, she closed her eyes tightly, willing her violently beating heart and pulse to slow down. It had just been a hallucination; it had not been real. I had just been a hallucination; it had not been real, and she continued to tell herself that until the train started driving away from the platform. Once she finally opened her eyes and looked out of the train windows, the darkness of the underground tunnels had surrounded them. Marcela was nowhere in sight.

Y/N leaned her forehead against the blue pole, feeling a slight layer of sweat over her cupid’s bow and forehead. The Marcela hallucination had affected her more than she thought it would have. Taking a deep breath, Y/N kept her eyes shut and her mind closed until she reached North Greenwich. Then, forcing the image of her sister away, Y/N walked off the train the second it stopped and almost ran for the exit and fresh air. Marcela was not alive; she had been dead for three years. She had been murdered three years ago. Neither hallucinations nor will would bring her back, it was time Y/N made her brain believe that as well.

NEXT UPDATE: Sunday, 28th February, 9PM GMT!

Huge thanks to my AMAZING beta readers! 🏛️ @aileenacoustic 🏛️ @devil-in-bw-the-sheets 🏛️ @sunflowerstache​ 🏛️ @fromyourstrulyh​ 🏛️

FIC PAGE | COME TALK !!!

[danielxricciardo]

Hello! I don’t know if you’re up for Carlos’ promt.😅 I’m really a fangirl😂 I always wanted to right fanfic but I was never good with words, and I always check up on your blog for new ones. I know there’s only one fanfic for Carlos atm, so if I Can I request like Carlos is jealous because Max is the character’s ex? Like they’re already engaged but Max is still trying to fight for her and Carlos is really jealous and mad? A bit of angst would be great🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 Thank youuuu!

You drew circles on Carlos's bare back in an attempt to wake him slightly. You looked at your ring finger on which now stood a beautiful diamond ring, the most beautiful you had ever seen, and memories of last night filled your mind and formed butterflies in your stomach.

When your best friend spontaneously took you to a shopping session followed by a manicure and pedicure appointment, you thought it was her way of spending time with you after she had been extremely busy with work for the past few months. It never occurred to you that Carlos might be up to something even when you saw that he and Lando's location was off. Why would you think Carlos was planning something? It was Tuesday, there were a few months until your birthday, Carlos' birthday had just passed, it wasn't your birthday, damn, it wasn't even your dog's birthday. Although, in retrospect, you had to realize that something was wrong. Your best friend in the mall on a Tuesday afternoon? She the one who goes to work even when she has the flu or when she broke her leg and had to keep it in plaster for two months.

But you didn't even realize his plan when your best friend bought you a gorgeous dress and made you wear it before you left for home. Honestly, you wouldn't look decent for an engagement just in ripped jeans and a T-shirt.

When she stopped in front of the house and stopped the engine you asked her what was going on but she just said she wanted to take the pair of jeans she had lent you a few months ago because she had a date and she wanted to wear them. You didn't pay much attention and opened the car door.

From the house you could see a very diffused and dim light. Candles? You thought then and you were tempted to think it was a power outage but the neighbors had light. Did I pay the current bill this month?

When you opened the door of the house and saw the rose petals on the floor you immediately thought of a romantic dinner with Spanish food, in no case did you expect to see Carlos on his knees in the middle of your living room. At that moment, everything made sense.

“You are the only one who understands me even more than myself. You are the only one with whom I can share everything, even my personal secrets. I want you to be with me always. I believe that if we’re lucky enough to have found each other in the first place, we’re worth betting on for life. Will, you hold my hand and be mine forever?” Carlos had said in a voice trembling with emotion and the ring in his hands.

You would never have answered otherwise than yes. You didn't even notice Lando in a corner of the living room filming everything or your best friend who was no longer behind you but somewhere to your right taking pictures.

Carlos, with trembling hands, put the ring on your finger and kissed you, his hands making room on your cheeks, wiping away your tears. You were happy. You have found your forever home.

You all opened a champagne and listened to how Carlos planned, with the help of your best friend, for three months, the whole engagement. He told you how close you were to turning all his plans upside down.

"I bought the ring when I was in Abu Dhabi for the Grand Prix," he says, and you remember that Grand Prix was three weeks ago. "When I bought it, I stayed with Lando, I think, for two hours in my hotel room, thinking about where to hide the ring so that you wouldn't find it when I returned home and it would be handy for me to take it out quickly and hide it at home. I finally decided to hide it in a pair of socks and put it in the small compartment of my bag. On my way home, however, I completely forgot that I put the ring in my bag. I was firmly convinced that it is in the backpack and when I got home you immediately took the bag to wash my clothes, as you always do. When I opened the backpack and saw that the ring was not there, I panicked extremely hard and ran to you to get the bag." he finishes telling the story and you start laughing.

You remembered that day perfectly.

"Is that why you were so white in the face? I really thought you were sick."

"Good morning, my beautiful fiancée." Carlos says in his harsh morning voice and looks at you with glassy eyes.

You smile at him and bend down to kiss him.

"Good morning, my wonderful fiancé."

He gets up in bed and hugs you.

"You have no idea how happy I am that I can hug you and say that you are mine now."

"And I was yours before, only now I have a ring on my finger."

"Mhm," Carlos says, muffled by your hair. "Now you have a ring on your finger that can keep Max away from you."

The smile on your face faded slowly. Max? What did Max have to do with your engagement? Sure, he's your ex-boyfriend, but you broke up three years ago.

It was a pretty hard breakup, more for him than for you. You broke up with him because you felt your relationship was no longer working. He didn't pay enough attention to you, you often quarreled and you felt like the love you had for him was fading with each passing day.

Max didn't comment on anything when you broke up with him, saying that it was better for both of you to go your separate ways.

That was until he saw you hand in hand with Carlos less than two months after the breakup. What he was feeling was a new feeling: jealousy. He couldn't understand the fact that you broke up with him and now you're in love with Carlos. When had this happened? Did Carlos like you when you were still together? Did you like him when you were in bed with him? He had many questions, but he would have died rather than asking you, showing you that he still cares about you.

So, he decided to ignore you, to ignore you both, hoping that your relationship won't last. But he saw you every day laughing at his jokes, he saw how he kissed the lips he had kissed until recently, how he held your hand that once caressed his hair.

It's true, lately Max and you have gotten closer. You have realized that there is no point in resentment between you considering that you see each other every day and, in the end, you are two responsible adults, you can behave nicely with each other.

Or so you thought. Carlos saw behind Max's actions. He saw how his touch on your shoulder lasted longer than normal, how in a room full of people Max is looking for you, he noticed that he always wants to know your opinion when he asks a question. Carlos realized pretty quickly that Max wants to win you back and he didn't tell you that just once.

How many times have you told Carlos that you don't care what Max's intentions are, that you love Carlos, he didn't seem to understand.

"What do you mean by that, Carlos?" you say annoyed. "Did you ask me to marry you to prove something to Max? To show him he has no chance of being with me?"

Carlos stood up and looked at you with wide eyes. You were angry, very angry and he knew he had said something wrong.

"No, of course not, love. I asked you to marry me because I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"Yeah, that's what you said last night in your speech. But now you're bringing Max up and I don't understand why. Did I do anything to make you doubt me?"

"No, no, of course not. You didn't do anything, love.

"You get out of bed and go to the bathroom.

"Then what is it? I keep hearing about Max. Max said that, Max did that, like Max is the third person in this relationship."

"I don't trust him!" he says in exasperation. "He's still trying to get under your skin and you allow him. I can't believe you don't see that he wants you back!"

"Carlos, for God's sake, do you hear yourself? He wants me back! Very well, let him want me for all I care! It's been three years since I broke up with him, don't you think I'd be back with him by now if that’s what I want? Understand that I can't control if he likes me or not, but I can control my feelings. And guess what, my heart chose you. So stop with this stupid jealousy!"

Carlos bites his lip and looks at you.

"You're right. I'm very sorry." he says and takes you in his arms. "Please forgive me, I'm very insecure because I love you so much and I don't want to ever lose you.

"You smile then kiss him.

"I am yours, forever."

"Forever."

[mari-rosa-skiess]

Welcome back 🥺 Can we get some hc’s or a cute scenario yuri p x fem reader on skype since he’s away and they fall asleep together on the call?? Thank you! I love your writing so much 🥺

yes omg i love this idea ! this one took extra long because of my 70 hiatuses, but i’m doing it now! hope you enjoy if you’re still out there, anon!

-mari<3

Navigation

Warnings: None, just some swearing 

Pronouns: she/her

Words: 800+

-

You and Yuri have been together for a long time now, a year and three months to be exact, but a lot of the relationship is long-distance due to his constant traveling. You love each other anyway, so the relationship works even though being so far away from each other can suck.

You don’t really hear from Yuri throughout the day, except for a few texts, due to him being busy from 5:30 am to around 9:45 pm, but even after he gets back to his hotel, he has to eat and get ready for bed before he can skype you.

Despite all of the scheduling, you make it work and you do call almost every night. 

You’re the only person Yuri genuinely enjoys talking to, so he makes sure he has time to talk to you every night. If he for some reason can’t talk to you one night, he gets really mad at himself and apologizes for like a week straight even though you assure him it’s not his fault and it’s okay.

He’s always tired when you guys call, so it’s not a rare occasion for him to fall asleep on the phone after about two hours of talking. He does try his hardest to stay up and talk to you though.

It was around 10:30 pm, which means Yuri was going to be calling you soon. You were finishing up some homework for school that’s due the next day while you waited for the skype notification to pop up on your computer.

Around five minutes later, you got the notification and a smile immediately appeared on your face as you clicked on it.

When you answered, Yuri softly smiled at you.

His hair was messy and still half wet, and he was in a hoodie.

“How was practice today?” you asked him with a smile.

“Fine, Viktor is really fucking annoying sometimes though,” he rolled his eyes.

You let out a soft giggle.

“I’m sure he just wants to see you succeed, love,” you smiled.

“I mean, yeah, I am the best skater in the world,” he cockily smirked.

“Yes, I know, you remind me every night,” you playfully rolled your eyes with a smile.

“What have you been up to?” he asked you, moving a strand of his platinum blond hair out of his face.

“Schoolwork, there’s so much of it,” you sighed, running your fingers through your hair.

School has certainly gotten harder. You are a freshman, so the word took a big jump from hard, to really difficult.

“You have seemed pretty stressed out lately, I wish I could be there with you,” he frowned.

“It’s fine, talking to you every day at night is more than enough,” you smiled, not wanting him to think it’s his fault for the long-distance relationship.

“Besides, it’s been your dream since forever to make it as far as you have, you’re literally one of the best skaters in the world and you’re still in your teens, Yuri,” you reminded him with a comforting smile.

“I know, but I just wish I could see you more, you’re the only one who doesn’t make me want to rip out my eyes and skate over them with freshly sharpened blades,”

You giggled at his sweet, yet specific and kind of gruesome statement.

“I’ll see if I can fly out in a week or two, I’m sure my (parental figure) will let me,” you spoke.

“I hope so,” he smiled, but it was a saddened smile.

“Don’t worry, you’ll be back in a few more months, it’s better than a year, isn’t it?” you asked, laying back in your bed and setting your laptop on your nightstand, but with your camera still facing your face.

Yuri was already laying in that same position due to him being tired.

“Yeah, I just wish you could come along with me when I have to go to different countries, I really wish we weren’t teenagers,” he frowned.

“Maybe one day I’ll be able to travel with you, I really hope so at least,” you smiled.

He smiled back at you, yawning a few seconds after.

“Do you want to go to sleep? I don’t want to keep you up,” you asked him, clearly seeing that he’s tired.

“No, I want to talk to you,” he spoke.

“Alright then,” you sighed.

You two went on to talk about things for the next hour and a half. Ranging from school to his skating, to just random shit. Soon enough, you both were extremely tired.

You felt your eyes weighing down, you were struggling to stay awake, so you eventually just let sleep engulf you.

The same thing was going on with your blond boyfriend.

“I love you, (Y/N),” he yawned.

“I love you too,” you mumbled before drifting off to sleep.

[ibuki-loves-you]

If Ibuki loves me (and I love Ibuki back) please gimme Nagito and Hajime who are in a fight with their SO and is trying to get them back (Happy ending, please! TY! :))

Nagito and Hajime who are trying to win their S/O back after a fight

Warnings: Arguments

Mod Ibuki: Hihi! Ibuki does love you back, so here ya go! Sorry this took so long, hope you enjoy!

Nagito:

Nagito's self deprication was taking a toll on you

When he put you on a pedestal, it made you feel horrible

Like no matter what you did, you were a bad lover because he put you above him

When you brought this up to him, you expected him to maybe tone it down a bit

But no he didn't

"What? My hope, you are far from a bad lover! You are amazing! So much better than a piece of garbage like me! I don't know why you're still with me, to be completely honest. Trash like me doesn't-" "Nagito I just talked to you about this! The whole point of this conversation was your self deprication! I get it, it's something you can't help. But atleast make an effort!"

After that you left the apartment for a bit

Nagito was left in absolute shock

He drove you to complete anger? He really was a horrid lover, huh?

As soon as the thought entered his head he brought his knees to his chest and started crying

He thought you left him, and he didn't want that

He needed you, you made him so happy

Nagito concluded that he'd wait till you came home when you were calmer and talk to you then

After about an hour majority of which he spent crying you walked through the door

"Look, I'm sorry for blowing up it's not your fault-" You started. "N-No! I didn't take into consideration what effect my words might have on you. It isn't your fault at all, it's mine. I-I can try to get better with it. I can't guarantee it will be sooner rather than later, but I can try. I really am sorry." Nagito apologized. "I yelled at you for something you can't control, that's still partially my fault." You said guiltily. Nagito thought for a moment. "...Then what if we both just accept the blame?" He suggested. You hesitated. "Okay...I'll help you as best I can."

Nagito fiddled with his thumbs, his eyes switching from you to the floor

"Nagito...? What's wrong?" You said, taking a seat next to him. "I thought you left for good..." Nagito mumbled. A wave of guilt took over you.

"Nagito, I'm sorry I made you think that. I'm not leaving. I want to be with you for as long as you'll have me." Nagito perked up. "Does that mean you'll be with me forever?" You smiled and rested your head on his shoulder. "Yes, I'll be with you forever and ever. Even after, we can be ghost-lovers!"

Nagito started laughing. Sweet, innocent laughter.

"I love you, Nagito." "I love you more, S/O."

Hajime:

Hajime been extremely moody as of late

You assumed it was because of stress, so you tried your best to improve his mood

Made him his favorite foods, gave him hugs (that stopped after he tensed up), etcetera

Nothing seemed to make him feel better

So you decided to just talk to him about it, like adults

Yeah, that didn't go over well

"Why are you worrying about my problems!? Not everything is your business, you know!?" "Hajime, I was just asking you a question because I care! There's no reason for you to flip your shit!" "I don't need you to care about me! I'm perfectly fine with being alone!"

The minute he said that, a wave of guilt ran through him

"Fine. If you're perfectly fine with being alone, then be alone."

You walked out the door and didn't look back

Hajime stood in the middle of your living room, his heart pounding in his chest

Did he really just say that to you?

You had done so much for him, just to try and make him happy, and that's how he treats you?

He was absolutely mortified

Hajime knew he had to make it up to you

He needed you

He couldn't imagine his life without you in it

So he planned a dinner at home for you

He made your favorite meal, got flowers, overall made the atmosphere pretty

When everything was nearly finished, he sent you a text and asked you to come home for a while so you could talk

Reluctantly, you agreed

When you arrived, Hajime was sitting at the table. He jumped up and rushed to you

"H-Hey." He greeted. You raised an eyebrow. "You wanted to talk?" Another pang of guilt rushed through him. "S/O, I'm so sorry. You were trying to help me and I just threw it back in your face. It will never, ever, happen again. I'm so sorry, S/O. Please, forgive me." Hajime said softly. You stood there silently.

"...Talk to me when your having problems. You can't keep bottling everything up." Hajime nodded instantly. "Of course." You sighed. "Alright, whatever. I forgive you...asshole." You joked. Hajime laughed. He opened his arms, silently asking for a hug. You giggled and gripped onto him, hugging him as tight as you could.

"Do you want to sit down? I made dinner." Hajime offered. You smiled and nodded. "Yeah, that sounds nice."

[karmelek-writes]

comfort zone I part 4 - teaser #2

Harrison Osterfield x fem!reader, Tom Holland x fem!reader

Synopsis: What do you do when you love them but want someone else?

A/N: Hi guys! Firstly, I want to apologise for my long absence. I don't want to dwell on it too much, last month was extremely busy for me. However, I'm back now and to those who were patiently waiting for me to post - thank you for staying here and I love you guys! This is yet another teaser for part 4 of comfort zone. I'm about to finish writing it soon so I will post the whole part in a few days, but I wanted to make up for not posting for a while! I hope you're excited and I can't wait to read your thoughts! Love, W.

Disclaimer: English is not my first language so sorry for any mistakes!

Read part 1, part 2, and part 3

In Harrison’s mind winning you over wasn’t hard. He had a plan and it included being the best man he could be for you. Not that he normally wasn’t nice but when it came to you, he made sure to put extra effort in everything he was doing because he wanted to impress you so much. He failed to understand one thing, though, and it was his own admiration towards you. You were a good girl from a good house and Harrison knew that, he was your friend before but he couldn’t make out when he first realised he liked you and when liking you turned into being into you and when that turned into completely and utterly adoring you. His feelings crushed at him at the most unexpected moment and it scared him and thrilled at the same time. He was eager because you never failed to keep him on his toes, making him submit to you and falling in love with you every single day but also afraid because he never in his life felt such intense feelings towards any girl and he didn’t quite know what it meant for him. However, Harrison wasn’t stupid. He was more than aware of Tom’s feelings for you even if the man himself wasn’t yet. The way Tom spoke about you, with how much love your name rolled out of his mouth started making Harrison sick to his stomach. He was Tom’s friend but he couldn’t bring himself to stop talking to you or blocking you from his life. Harrison was breaking the bro code and he hated to be that person but he didn’t want to choose between love and friendship. That’s why he never told Tom about you. In his eyes, you and Harrison were just good friends who reconnected after losing contact. The blonde didn’t have the heart to reveal the truth, especially when Tom was venting to him about how he fucked up your friendship and how bad he wanted you back. He didn’t even have the courage to back up when the oldest Holland asked him for help with winning you back. That’s how he knew that Tom was about to call you tonight to make things right and that was the reason for your little adventure. Well, it wasn’t the only reason because he still wanted to do something nice for you and spend some quality time together but he still wished you forgot about Tom. He wished that after today you would see that Harrison was better for you than the bruette, because even though he was assured of your mutual attraction, he knew you still liked Tom. Another thing was that Harrison knew he was always the second choice. Most girls only talked to him to get with Tom and he was sick of being treated like a means to an end. Once in his life he wanted to be the chosen one, he wanted you to choose him. He hated himself for competing with his best friend for your favours, but what made him feel even worse was using Tom’s feelings to his advantage. Despite everything, they were still best friends. Harrison had Tom’s plan of making you like him again written in his head that’s why he was ten steps ahead in their game. He didn’t like referring to you as a prize someone could win, you weren’t an object that could satisfy anyone but that was how he felt - like a player who was too proud to back up even if he knew he should. The truth was Harrison was desperate. It’s been too long since he got a sense of comfort from someone, since he felt needed and wanted, and to his liking and hating, since someone made his skin burn just by a simple brush or caused his blood rush south just by glancing at him. He wanted- no, he needed that intimacy. He did what he did because it’s been too long since he felt like he was alive.

“Hey, are you okay?” your sweet, dripping with concern voice brought Harrison back to harsh reality.

“Oh, sorry. Yes, yes, I’m okay,” he didn’t know if he was trying to convince you or himself but it seemed to work as your full of worry eyes gleamed with their usual playfulness.

“You haven’t been listening to anything I said, have you?” a lopsided smile and apologetic glance sent your way were enough to confirm your suspicion. “It’s okay, it wasn’t anything interesting anyway,” you faked a chuckle to relieve some tension as you felt stupid for rambling. That must have been the reason Harrison zoned out, you thought, mentally scolding yourself for boring him.

“Hey, hey, no! Look at me, please,” at his plea you moved to face the blonde and you immediately melted just from looking straight into his ocean blue eyes. “I’m sorry for zoning out. Please, don’t think that I’m not interested in what you’re saying. It’s just um…” you sent him a warm smile noticing the hesitation in his melodic voice hoping it would help him to open up. The trick did its job as Harrison giggled at you. “It isn’t fair, you know?” he groaned playfully.

“What are you talking about?” you played stupid, sending him another “innocent” smile.

“THIS is what I’m talking about! You can’t just smile at me like that, it makes my knees weak and I want-” Harrison bit his tongue just in time to stop himself from saying something he’d regret later. He wasn’t ready to tell you about his feelings yet, as horrible as it sounded he needed to take Tom out of the picture first.

“And you want…” you didn’t let him get away with continuing, as you nodded at him to go on. Harrison cursed under his breath, not sure what to do next.

“I’ve just been having a rough time lately,” his mood shifted slightly and you probably wouldn’t notice if it wasn’t for him fidgeting with his fingers. You picked up that it was one of the things he used to do when he was nervous so you took matters into your own hands to lighten up the mood. You took his hand into yours, fingers intertwining with his as you squeezed his palm to silently assure him of your presence and support. Turning to face him you made a bold move to place a gentle kiss right at the corner of his mouth. You didn’t know what gave you confidence but you wanted to make him feel better, to show him you were there for him too. Pulling out slightly you made a mistake to avert your gaze from his lips and look him in the eyes. It felt as if the time stopped when Harrison subtly titled his head to the side without breaking eye contact. Desire evident in his azure irises consuming your soul, yet he hesitated to press his soft lips to your own. Noses brushing, you could feel his hot and uneven breath on your burning skin. Suddenly you forgot how to breathe, too occupied by the rapid heartbeat buzzing in your ears to pay attention to Harrison’s thumb caressing your rosy from excitement cheek.

“Whatever it is that you’re struggling with, I’m here for you,” you were scared to speak up so as not to ruin the sweet moment, so you whispered the words as delicately as you could, wishing that it could last forever. Harrison nodded at you, implying that he understood what you tried to say, too busy admiring your beauty from up close. After seeing his stare wandering on your features you suddenly became highly alerted of every single imperfection evident on your skin. Insecure of yourself, you turned away to look at the smouldering flames, too embarrassed to notice Harrison’s loving gaze.

Taglist: @osterfieldshollandgirl, @tom-holland-is-spiderman-archive, @harryhollandsgirlfriend, @peachyafshawn, @whltlock

[jeonsjiddies]

you found me | myg (m)

⏤  Pairing: Yoongi x reader ⏤  Genre: smut, fluff ⏤  Word Count: 5.5k ⏤  Warnings: dirty talk, unprotected sex, cream pie, oral (m recieving), nightmare, 

⏤  Summary: When you found a fluffy dog during your evening outing, you didn’t realize you’d also be finding the love of your life.

- for the yoongi to my jimin @sugaflake​ and special thanks to @excusemin​ for beta-reading!

Part of my Milestone Celebration Event! Check out the other fics here.

Holly had been gone for days and Yoongi... was not okay. He’d scoured the city, put up posters, called every animal shelter and pound within a fifty mile radius. To put it simply, Yoongi was losing his damn mind. If only that stupid wild rabbit hadn’t hopped across the lawn when Yoongi had let Holly out to go to the bathroom, none of this would’ve happened. Holly usually didn’t require a leash just to use the restroom so Yoongi hadn’t been worried when he’d let him out.

He should’ve been more aware of his surroundings, because Holly’s ears had perked up, his whole body going still before he darted off, chasing the rabbit. Yoongi had tried to run after him but had quickly lost sight of him, and it didn’t help that the sun had been setting when he’d let him out and the dark chill of the night had already taken over the warm summer breeze. 

Yoongi walked the streets for hours, calling out Holly’s name with a flashlight in hand. He brought the pup’s favorite treats, favorite toy, trying to lure him out had he been hiding somewhere, but his beloved pet was nowhere to be found. Yoongi was gutted, wondering if someone had abducted Holly, if he’d been run over, if something terrible had happened to him. What if he’d fallen down the draining system and was stuck, cold and scared and alone?

Yoongi didn’t sleep that night, or the nights thereafter, laying awake and constantly checking the local Facebook community pages, the lost pet websites, and the animal shelter sites, hoping for any sign of his baby, but it seemed like any attempt at a reunion was slowly becoming futile. Running out of ideas after searching the same empty streets for the 100th time, Yoongi felt hopeless.

He drowned his sorrows in a bottle of whiskey and far too much takeout for one person, his eyes traveling over to Holly’s dog bed, his favorite toy laying untouched inside of it. His eyes drifted to the many pictures of Holly he had framed around his apartment. Yoongi hung his head, feeling like he’d lost a piece of himself and feeling useless for being unable to bring Holly home. He sighed with a shaky exhale, willing the tears not to fall. That was when his doorbell rang.

You sat at a cute little café, enjoying the cool evening air and watching the sun slowly dip down into the horizon while you nibbled on your food halfheartedly. You weren’t hungry, but you weren’t ready to go home to your quiet, empty apartment. Your roommate and best friend had just moved out, opting to move in with her boyfriend instead, and you didn’t know how to handle the silence with her gone. You’d tried inviting a few friends to dinner, but everyone had been busy, so you sat alone on the patio of the small café with your sandwich, watching the birds.

Your pleasant thoughts were interrupted when you felt something press against your leg, and looked down to see a small, brown, fluffy dog had hopped up, pressing his tiny little paws into your skin. He whimpered pathetically, giving you his best puppy eyes and licked his lips, his eyes darting to your food. His tail wagged as you picked him up and sat him in your lap, even though he was dirty, his fur beginning to mat in a few places and he was covered in dried mud.

“Omg, hi little guy!” you cooed.

The small dog panted, his tongue sticking out and he seemed thirsty so you poured some of your water into your hand and allowed him to lap it up, then gave him a bite of your grilled chicken sandwich. He seemed to inhale the small taste of chicken, then sniffed at your plate. You just scooted it closer to the edge and let him have it. You scratched his head affectionately while he ate, then found under his fluffy fur was a collar, stating his name was Holly.

You giggled at the name, thinking it was cute for a boy dog, and you were glad he had a home, if not a little disappointed. You were more than willing to take the sweet pup in, especially after he’d finished eating and licked your cheek in a thank you and cuddled up in your lap. You absentmindedly stroked his back while you looked up the address on his collar. It wasn’t far. You decided you’d walk him there, his owner was probably missing him.

You dialed the number listed on the collar to alert the owner you were on the way, but it immediately went to voicemail and you ended the call with a frown. Sighing, you stood, leaving money for the food and tip, then carried Holly down the sidewalk, using your phone to navigate you. 

Holly didn’t squirm or try to leave your grip, he was simply along for the ride, panting heavily and sniffing the air as you walked, nearing a large apartment complex with a minimalistic design that looked very fancy. You entered the front door and took the elevator to the third floor, locating apartment 3C, and knocking gently.

You heard some clattering and some grumbling before the door swung open, revealing a blonde man in sweatpants, a scowl resting on his (quite attractive) face until he looked up and saw Holly.

“HOLLY!” he screamed, grabbing the dog from you and hugging him tightly, pressing kisses all over his face while Holly barked and wagged his tail excitedly, wiggling in the man’s arms and attempting to lick his face.

“Oh my god you’re okay! Where were you?! I was going crazy, I looked everywhere!” he whined, holding the dog up to his face as if he could give him any real answers, then held him close to his chest and hugged him.

Your quiet giggle seemed to remind him that you were there and his eyes darted over to you and he engulfed you in a hug as well, Holly pressed between your chests as he held you against him. Even with Holly inbetween you, you could feel the man’s body heat and his hips pressing against yours, and sparks shot clear to your fingertips.

“Thank you so much! Oh my gosh. I have missed him so much.”

“He is a very good boy, I can see why you missed him,” you smiled after taking a step back from him, attempting to put distance between you and clear up your foggy mind.

“Oh, the reward! You probably want the reward,” he spoke more to himself than you as he looked around for something.

“Reward? No. I just wanted to return your dog,” you shrugged.

“You don’t want the reward?”

“No.”

“Then how can I repay you?”

“You don’t have to?”

He stopped searching, turning to look at you, confusion written all over his face, Holly held in his tight grip.

“You don’t want anything?”

“No?”

“Well… would you at least stay for dinner? I would really like to thank you somehow and I ordered way too much Chinese takeout to drown my sorrows,” he chuckled, scratching the back of his neck.

 “What did you order?” you peeked past him, your stomach growling at the smell.

“General Tso’s and Chicken Chow Mein,” he offered sheepishly.

“Oh that sounds so good, since someone,” you sent the dog a pointed look with a smile, “ate my chicken sandwich.”

“I’m so sorry!” Yoongi immediately apologized.

“Oh no, I gave it to him of my own free will,” you smiled reassuringly.

“Well I definitely owe you dinner now. Please, have a seat. Would you like something to drink?”

Yoongi set Holly down, gently patting his head before walking over to wash his hands and open the fridge, pulling out a water once you’d requested one, and walking over to you. He sat beside you on his plush couch, offering you some chopsticks and letting you pick your entrée. 

“Thank you for dinner… what’s your name?” 

You glanced over at the attractive man to your right, his ears turning pink at the tips.

“Oh I’m sorry, I’m Yoongi, it’s nice to meet you,” he extended his hand out and you took it in yours, that same zing of electricity shooting through your body, and you struggled to suppress the shiver.

“Nice to meet you Yoongi, I am Y/N.”

“Thank you so much for bringing Holly home, I was going insane without him. I thought he was gone forever…” Yoongi trailed off with a sigh, “you don’t know how thankful I am for you.”

“It was my pleasure, I even got free food,” you joked, sticking your tongue out.

Yoongi seemed to relax then, laughing along with you as the two of you ate and talked.  He was actually super funny and smart, telling you all about his life, his passions, and listening when you spoke. Yoongi told you he liked to rap and produce music, and had even let you listen to a couple of his songs. They were absolutely fantastic. He was extremely talented and you had no qualms with letting him know that, enjoying the way he’d look down with his hand on the back of his neck, tips of his ears tinted pink as he mumbled his gratitude.

You found him endearing, slowly being less intimidated (though not less affected) by his gorgeous appearance, since he was so humble and approachable once you got past his steely (gorgeous) face. Holly had taken it upon himself to snuggle in between the two of you, nestled up against your thighs and using both of you for warmth. You smiled fondly, reaching down to stroke his fur at the same time Yoongi had, your hands brushing and both of you pulling away quickly, heat rising to your cheeks. You glanced away and looked up at the clock, noticing it had been hours, though it had only felt like a few minutes.

“Oh wow, it’s getting late,” you slowly stood from the couch, your gaze shifting to Yoongi, “I should probably head home. Thank you for dinner.” 

“Yeah, I should probably give this one a bath. Thank you so much for bringing him home.” 

“Of course. I’ll see you later?” 

You bit your lip and prayed you didn’t sound as hopeful and needy as you felt. You wanted to see Yoongi again. You wanted to see his cute, gummy smile, hear his melodic laugh. You liked the way you felt around Yoongi, warm and free. Yoongi nodded enthusiastically, fishing his phone from his pocket and handing it over to you. Your fingers brushed as you took it, an involuntary shiver running down your spine before you typed in your contact information and bid him a goodnight, giving Holly one last head pat before you left.

Once you’d arrived home and changed into your pajamas, you laid in your bed, a heavy sigh leaving your lips. You leaned over and checked your phone, seeing a text from an unsaved number.

Unknown [9:04pm]: Hope you made it home safe?

You smiled to yourself, saving Yoongi’s number before replying.

You [9:18pm] I did, thank you for checking.

Yoongi [9:20pm] Good. I’m glad. Sweet dreams, Y/N. 

You definitely had sweet dreams, filled with the sweetest smile and the most musical laugh you’d ever heard

Months went by and Yoongi had slowly become your best friend. You’d begun hanging out sporadically, but the more you got to know each other, the more time you spent together, (and the more the butterflies in your stomach began to swirl around any time the man smiled your way), until you were at Yoongi’s apartment more often than your own. You’d even left a toothbrush and a change of clothes there, as the two of you often got distracted and didn’t notice the time, having too much fun together, and Yoongi would encourage you to just sleep on the couch. 

You’d spend those nights with Holly cuddled up to your side, keeping you warm while you talked and joked with Yoongi about anything and nothing at all, which only served for your heart to continue to constrict from how deeply you had begun to feel for the sweet man.

As per usual, Yoongi was participating in some playful banter with you whilst the two of you continued to ignore the serial killer documentary you’d put on.

“I swear, that’s what I always called them growing up!” 

“Y/N, I have literally never heard that before in my entire life. Never in my 28 years of existing have I heard someone call a walk-in clinic a doc in a box,” Yoongi scoffed incredulously. 

“Well, that’s what my mom called them, what my grandma called them. Doc in a box, stop and rob, hairdryer cops-”

“What the fuck is a hairdryer cop?!”

“You know, the ones on the motorcycles? Their helmets look like the hairdryer caps at the salon!”

Yoongi leaned forward, placing the back of his hand on your forehead with a concerned look in his eyes.

“Are you sick? Do you have a fever? You’re clearly hallucinating.”

“Oh fuck off, Min. You’re just jealous you didn’t get to call gas stations stop and robs,” you huffed, shoving him away from irritation and also to put some distance between the beautiful man and your racing heart.

“Why would I ever want to?”

“Don’t be so mainstream, Yoongi,” you teased with a wink, causing him to roll his eyes and catch sight of the clock on the wall.

“Oh crap, it’s midnight,” Yoongi gasped.

“Ugh, I have work tomorrow,” you whined.

“Stay here tonight, I’ll drive you in the morning,” he shrugged.

You leaned over and wrapped your arms around him, knocking him off balance and sending him backwards on the couch, and squished his cheeks between your hands.

“Thank you, you’re the best!”

“Yeah, yeah, now get off me,” he playfully shoved you away and stood, fixing his sweater.

“Goodnight, Yoongiiiiiiiii.” 

“Goodnight, pain in my rear,” he winked at your feigned offense before walking down the hallway to his bedroom.

You snuggled up to Holly on the couch, listening to the soft whir of the air conditioner, and slowly fell asleep, warm and content. That was… until the nightmare started. 

You walked into Yoongi’s apartment uninvited, as usual, having become so accustomed to being there that you didn’t even knock anymore. You had his favorite pizza in hand as you leaned down to pet Holly, who let out a hostile growl when you got too close, baring his teeth and backing away from you. You watched him quizzically, wondering why the typically affectionate animal had become so angry.

You shrugged it off and set the pizza down on the counter, walking down the hall towards Yoongi’s bedroom and giving a quick courtesy knock before entering. You stopped dead in your tracks when your eyes landed on Yoongi’s bare backside as he pistoned his hips in and out of some woman you’d never seen before, her high pitched moans so loud you wondered how you hadn’t heard them before you entered.

You tried to shut the door before they saw you but Yoongi whipped around, fire in his eyes that were directed right at you, making you feel about two inches tall. You apologized profusely, backing up with your hands in the air before shutting the door and bolting down the hallway, attempting to flee his apartment as quickly as possible. Holly darted out in front of you, barking ferociously as though you were some sort of threat, an intruder.

“What the hell, Y/N?! Why would you come barging into my house like that?”

“I… I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I thought we could do pizza night like usual, I didn’t know you had company,” you floundered, stumbling over your words as Yoongi glared at you from his space by the couch, his shorts haphazardly thrown on his body.

“You don’t fucking live here, you’re not my girlfriend, you’re nothing to me! I’m so sick of you coming around whenever you feel like it. Thanks for bringing my dog home, but he’s safe now. I don’t need you anymore,” Yoongi seethed, getting right up in your face.

“But… but you’re my best friend…” you whimpered.

Yoongi let out a harsh, condescending laugh.

“Best friend?! You’re not my best friend, you're nothing. I was bored and you were there, but now I don’t need entertainment. You can go. For good.”

“Yoongi…”

“You’re so fucking pathetic. Can’t you just leave? I don’t want you here,” he hissed, pointing towards the door, “get the fuck out.”

“Yoongi, please-”

“Just stay away from me, you freak!”

You woke up gasping for air and clutched Holly close to your chest, him giving a quiet, frightened yip at your unexpected action. You stroked his head softly, your whole body shivering as you tried your best to shake off the fear that seemed to chill you straight through to your bones. You took deep breaths, turned the light on, and drank a glass of water but nothing was putting you at ease. 

You glanced down the hallway towards Yoongi’s room, wondering if he’d be annoyed if you woke him up. You slowly tip-toed your way towards his bedroom door and cracked it open slowly, attempting to make minimal amounts of noise. The light from the hallway barely illuminated the room but it was enough for you to see Yoongi’s sleeping form, his mouth hanging open ever so slightly. You smiled to yourself. 

You didn’t want to disturb him, and you wanted to go back to the couch, you really did. But you just couldn’t shake the images of the fire in his eyes. You needed to know Yoongi was okay, that he didn’t really hate you. You snuck into the room, sitting gently on the edge of Yoongi’s bed. You watched his chest rise and fall for a moment, your gaze shifting to his serene face.

Before you could think better of it, you reached out and gently stroked the side of his cheek, letting the tip of your finger run along his smooth skin and feel its warmth. Yoongi’s eyelashes fluttered, but he didn’t move. Still, you froze, waiting for him to settle before you continued. You brushed his hair out of his eyes gently, and nearly screamed when a hand softly wrapped around your own. You glanced down and saw Yoongi’s eyes open, though fluttering with the strain to remain that way.

“Y/N?” he asked groggily.

“Hey, sorry, I uh… couldn’t sleep,” you trailed off, looking away and willing your voice not to crack.

But it did. Yoongi slowly shuffled into a sitting position, rubbing his eyes with the backs of his fists before placing his attention on you. He watched the way your shoulders slumped and you avoided eye contact, taking slow, shaky breaths.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s stupid,” you sighed, twirling your fingers around each other.

“It’s not if it’s got you this worked up. Come on, talk to me,” he urged, placing a hand on your back and rubbing soothing patterns.

You could feel the warmth of his skin soaking through your shirt and your body relaxed from the slightest touch from him. You sighed and turned to face him, biting your lip nervously.

“I had a dream that you… that something really bad… and I just… I tried not to be a baby about it, I mean I’m not a child, I can handle a bad dream, but it just felt so real and I…” you choked on your words, a single tear slipping from your burning eyes.

Yoongi pulled you into his body wordlessly, allowing you to fall apart on his shoulder. He held you close, though that was seemingly unnecessary given the way you were clinging onto him for dear life, as though he’d disappear if you let go.You were certain that if either of you pulled away, for even a moment, that you would fall apart and be nothing but debris stuck in the carpet of Yoongi’s bedroom.

Yoongi let you cry, slowly rocking your body back and forth along with his to soothe you, rubbing gentle shapes into your back, stroking your hair, and humming softly until you went lax in his hold, your body weight pressing into his chest. Your deep, even breathing told him you’d fallen asleep, likely exhausted from the toll your emotional breakdown had taken on your body. Yoongi slowly maneuvered you so that you were laying beside him, careful not to wake you. He wrapped an arm around your middle, pulling you flush against him, if only to make you feel safe. At least, that's what he told himself.

Waking up without Holly tucked into your arms felt strange, but waking up next to Yoongi felt… right. Yoongi still had an arm wrapped around you, and you were snuggled into his warm chest. You felt safe, happy. You sighed with content and flipped over before you snuggled closer to him, your head resting against his chest. Yoongi groaned sleepily, turning onto his back and pulling you with him so that you could lay on his chest more comfortably.

Yoongi didn’t open his eyes, but his voice came out low and a little rough and entirely too enticing when he asked you, “How are you feeling?” 

“Better, thank you. I’m sorry about last night, I don’t know what came over me,” you sighed, fiddling with a stray thread on his shirt.

“Don’t apologize, you were scared and needed comfort. There’s nothing wrong with that. I will always keep you safe, Y/N. Now that you’re awake and calm… do you want to talk about it? You seemed really upset.”

You sighed, sitting up and facing Yoongi, who also sat up, his eyes meeting yours with a soft look, quiet and patient, waiting for you to speak.

“I just… I had this terrifying dream that something awful had happened to you and it felt so real.. And I just couldn’t stop picturing it, losing you, and I can’t lose you, Yoongi. You’re my best friend, my rock, you’re everything to me. You are where I go when I’m sad, when I’m scared, when I’m happy. You’re my favorite person in the entire world and I can’t imagine a world without you in it. I don’t want to imagine a world without you in it, and I don’t think I could survive one. I just…” you trailed off with a sigh, hanging your head and willing the tears forming not to fall.

“You’re always there, to comfort me, to celebrate with me, and I love doing those things for you too. I guess it just smacked me in the face with how important you really are to me and how much I appreciate you and need you in my life.”

Yoongi’s face softened even more at your words, and he reached out to wipe away the stray tear that had escaped your watering eyes.

“I promise, I’m not going anywhere. You can’t get rid of me that easily,” he grinned when you giggled at his attempt at a joke, “and I feel the same way. I’m so glad you’re in my life, Y/N. You’re the best friend I could’ve ever asked for. I didn’t realize there was a missing piece in my life until you showed up. You didn’t just find Holly that day, you found me too. I didn’t even know I was lost.”

You were at a loss for words, watching Yoongi’s eyes swim with an emotion you couldn’t name, neither of you daring to look away, seemingly caught in a trace, bound by the spell of each other’s presence. Without realizing it, or maybe it was subconscious, you’d both begun to lean closer like magnets. Your souls drawn to each other, no longer able to fight the connection, the pull to be closer. 

Yoongi’s eyes flickered to your lips in a silent plea for permission, and you gave the faintest of nods, closing the gap yourself and pressing your lips to his in a soft, tentative kiss. His soft, sweet lips pressed against your own felt like coming home, and you couldn’t get enough. You shifted closer, putting more pressure on the kiss and Yoongi wrapped his arms around your torso, pulling you into his lap.

The kiss deepened, the two of you working together to explore each other, hands roaming, tongues dancing, hearts beating in sync. You pulled away, barely a hair away and rested your forehead on his, your breathing shallow and labored.

“I love you,” he whispered, “I think I have loved you since the moment I laid eyes on you. You are so beautiful, so kind, so perfect.”

“I love you too, Yoongi. So, so much.” 

Yoongi’s smile could’ve lit up the entire sky, his eyes shone with so much joy and adoration that you almost wanted to be sick, in the best way. Yoongi ran tender fingertips up and down the expanse of your arm slowly, his eyes locked on yours, your breaths mingling as neither of you moved away. You were certain if you put any space between the two of you that you would simply melt into a pile of goo on his plush carpet. 

The silence was comfortable, safe. Being in Yoongi’s arms was like coming home from war, finally feeling peace wash through your body as you spot your safe haven on the horizon after being gone for so long, constantly searching for a place to belong. You belonged with Yoongi, tucked up in his tiny apartment with his arms wrapped securely around you while you watched the sun begin to filter through the curtains covering the windows.

“Yoongi?”

“Hmmm?” 

You leaned in again, capturing his lips in another kiss, this one slightly more urgent. You worked your lips against his own, letting your tongue roam his mouth, and pressing your body closer to his. You wanted him. You wanted to show him how much you loved him. How much you craved him. Your fingers danced up his shirt, feeling his warm skin against your palms, and you lifted the hem just a bit, just enough to get your point across, sending a questioning look his way.

Yoongi assisted you in removing his shirt, tossing it carelessly aside while your eyes raked over his newly exposed flesh. Of course you’d seen him shirtless before, but not like this. Not for your eyes alone. Your lips attached themselves to Yoongi’s neck, kissing your way down and along his collarbone. You gently pressed him into the mattress, hovering above him and allowing your lips to travel farther down, ghosting across his pert nipples as you continued your journey. 

Yoongi sucked in a shaky breath that had you smiling to yourself, a feeling of victory washing over you, especially once you reached the hem of his sweats, your lips and tongue dancing along the skin just above them. Yoongi groaned, squirming underneath your teasing. You looked up at him, finger tucked under the waistband as you waited for his permission.

“Are you sure about this, Y/N? We don’t have to do anything if you’re not ready-”

“I want this. I want you. If you want me,” you bit your lip in an attempt to hide your nerves.

“I want you. So badly.”

Your heart soared at the confession, and you swiftly freed him of his sweats and boxers, letting his thick, leaking member to spring free of its confines. Your mouth watered at the sight of his swollen head, and you leaned down to lick the precum free of it, causing a strangled noise to erupt from Yoongi. The sound was music to your ears, sending electricity straight down to your core, enticing you to take Yoongi’s length into your warm mouth.

Yoongi threw his head back when you wrapped your lips around his member, slowly pushing your head down to take more of him into your wet warmth. Your name tumbled from his lips in soft whimpers, almost like a prayer. You worked your mouth along his cock, twirling your tongue around the tip each time you moved your head back, attempting to take him deeper each time until his head hit the back of your throat, making sure to hollow your cheeks while you sucked the life out of the man falling apart beneath you.

Yoongi was almost embarrassed how quickly he reached his high under your ministrations, your skillful mouth and tongue bringing him close to the edge in nearly record time. The fact that he hadn’t had sex since he’d met you probably played a role in it, not interested in anyone but you since he saw your kind eyes and bright smile.  

“Y/N...close,” he groaned out.

You kept working his length, reaching up to cup his balls and massage them gently, and that sent Yoongi over the edge, shooting hot ropes of cum down your throat with a cry of your name, and you swallowed every last drop he gave you before climbing back up his body and pressing a kiss to his lips, parted with his shuddering breaths.

“Holy shit,” he managed to say between his panting, “that was amazing.”

“Mmm.. I’m glad you liked it,” you giggled, trailing your nail gently over his chest, grazing his nipple once more, causing him to shiver.

“Allow me to repay the favor,” he smirked, flipping you over so you were now on your back.

“As lovely as that sounds, I really just want you to fuck me.”

“Don’t I need to prep you first, baby?”

“Mmm.. no. I’m ready. I’m so wet for you, want you so bad, Yoongi...” you trailed off, biting your lip seductively and leading his hand down to your core to feel the juices flowing there.

“Fuck, baby, you’re soaked,” he whispered in awe.

“For you. Please, Yoongi.”

Yoongi wasted no more time, dexterous fingers ridding you of all clothing as quickly as he could, his naked body hovering over yours once more, skin to skin as he began to kiss along the swell of your breasts before taking a pebbled bud into his mouth, sucking gently and barely scraping his teeth along it while rolling the other between his thumb and forefinger. Your desperate whimpers fueled him on as he lined his member up with your core, giving you one last questioning look, but sliding inside your drenched heat when you sent him a reassuring smile, nodding slightly while tangling your fingers in his bed-head. 

Yoongi’s cock had felt large in your mouth, but you were in no way prepared for the delicious sting it would bring upon stretching out your walls, filling you up so perfectly that you swore you might actually faint. Yoongi let you adjust to his size before he started moving, pulling out until just the tip rest inside your inviting hole before plunging back in and building up a rhythm. 

“I’ve thought about this so many times,” Yoongi grunted as he worked his shaft in and out of your pussy, hitting all the right spots every time. 

“Me too,” you admitted breathlessly, clawing at his back to try and ground yourself, “love you Yoongi.”

“I love you, baby girl, so so much.”

A few more deep, precise thrusts had you digging your nails into the skin of his shoulder blades, clinging to him as though you’d float away if you didn’t.

“Yoongi!” you moaned, back arching up and your chest meeting his.

“Close, baby? You gonna cum for me? Let go for me,” he encouraged, coaxing you off the edge with a softly spoken “come on, be my good girl.”

You climaxed with a cry of his name, clutching onto his quivering body as he came with you, painting your walls white with warm spurts of cum, filling you up again in a different, but oh so wonderful way. Your body shook as you came down from your high, hiding your face in the crook of Yoongi’s neck as he held you close.

Moments passed in a comfortable silence before Yoongi forced himself to part from you, watching with rapt attention as his seed seeped from your battered hole when he pulled his softening member out. He licked his lips at the sight, before picking you up bridal style in his arms, ignoring your shriek of surprise. 

“Where are we going?” you asked, wrapping your arms lazily around his neck and snuggling into his embrace.

“We’re going to run a bath, get you all cleaned up. You do have work today, remember?”

“Oh. Ugh.”

“You know… you could… just call in… spend the day in bed with me…”

“Mmm.. that sounds amazing.” 

You called into work, using one of your personal days and took a relaxing bath tucked into Yoongi’s embrace while he tenderly ran the loofah along your back and arms, and possibly across some more erogenous zones a few times as well, which earned him a halfhearted swat from you. After drying off and putting on one of his larger t shirts, you spent the day snuggled up on the couch with Yoongi and Holly, watching movies, eating snacks, and basking in the beginning of forever with your best friend.

[alisonsfics]

reconnected

pairing: shawn mendes x reader

request: “hello. i was wondering if you could write where y/n and shawn met at school or on vine or idk at a coffee shop. both of us were young new artists and bonded over that. as both of us start getting popular we lose contact. a few years later we decide to collab on a song and that rescinds a spark of friendship and maybe something. but of course, I wanted to at a bit of drama. while you try to catch up on, you know life, the paparazzi are sure you two are together, shawn's ex is stringing up trouble and all your friends and family keep on bothering you two about each other” - @iwishiwasyuri

word count: 2.7k

It had been a peaceful day. You had woken up early and started a day of productivity. You were currently drinking a cup of tea and replying to a few business emails.

It was peaceful. Birds were singing outside. It was early, and it felt like the world was not awake yet. This moment of serenity almost felt like the calm before the storm.

Then, your phone buzzed and shook your desk in the process. You were taken out of your thoughts.

You glanced down at the lit screen. You noticed a text message had popped up on your screen.

Woah.

You hadn’t seen that name in years.

Shawn.

Shawn Mendes.

You and Shawn had known each other for years. You both bonded over being singers and the rest was history.

You two had a beautiful story, much like a fairytale. The way you both met felt like a page out of a novel.

You had been at your local coffee shop, way before you had become successful in the music industry world.

It was back when you uploaded videos of yourself singing covers on YouTube. It was simple and seemed mediocre now, but at the time you loved it. You were singing all the time and it was your dream, even though you made virtually no money. You still loved it.

You jumped up into the seat at the high table. You pulled out your laptop to edit your most recent video. You sipped on your warm latte. It made you feel warm and cozy, as opposed to the freezing weather outside.

You plopped your headphones over your ears and started to edit the video. Within seconds, you heard a voice talking over your shoulder.

“So you’re a singer?” The voice asked. You jumped, almost managing to fall out of the chair. You felt a pair of strong arms catch you and keep you from falling.

Finally, you got a chance to look at the source of the voice. You had been prepared for it to be some creepy guy, but you were wrong.

So wrong.

The guy was cute and had the most perfect smile. You were speechless. You froze, and your brain shut off.

“Hi, uh sorry about that. I’m Shawn. It’s just, your headphones are unplugged. I was going to tell you and I realized it was you singing. I’m sorry I scared you” he said, kindly. You had to pinch yourself to realize this was all real. “I...uh hi. I’m Y/N. I was just zoned out, it’s not your fault. But hi, I’m Y/N” you rambled.

His smile made your stomach do flips. You felt like you were on a rollercoaster.

“Yeah, you said that already” Shawn said, chuckling. It was endearing. He wasn’t laughing at you, he was just amused by the cute girl who was stuttering over her words.

You didn’t know it then, but he thought you were adorable.

You thought the exact same thing about him.

The story went on. You two became great friends. You never got the courage to mention your little crush on him, but time went on.

As you both got busier, you started to drift apart. Eventually you just stopped talking. Any time you heard his songs on the radio or saw an article about him, it just pulled on your heart strings.

But now he was texting you.

Hey, Y/N. I know it’s been a while, well maybe longer than a while. It feels like forever. Anyway, I was wondering if you wanted to meet up and talk. I really miss you

You were stunned. You could barely comprehend what you were reading.

It felt like a crazy dream, and you were about to wake up any second now.

You picked up your phone and tried to come up with a reply. It was harder than you thought it would be. How did you put years worth of feelings into just a few sentences?

Hi! It has been forever, I miss our late night runs for ice cream. I would love to hang out and catch up. I want to hear about all that I’ve missed. I hope you’re doing well!!

You pressed send and your heart leaped out of your chest. You could hear your heart thumping in your ears.

As you sat there waiting for a reply, it felt like years. In reality, it was probably five minutes.

Then, your phone dinged.

Awesome! You want to come over to my place in like an hour?

You almost jumped out of your chair. You couldn’t believe you were finally going to see Shawn after all these years. You sent a quick reply and then headed to your closet to get dressed.

You grabbed some clothes to change into and then proceeded to change your outfit four more times. Finally, you had settled on the best option. You checked the clock and saw that it was time to go.

You grabbed your phone and your keys and then headed to Shawn’s apartment.

You found yourself outside his front door, unable to move. You wanted to pick up your hand and knock on the door, but you couldn’t. Every time that you got close, you chickened out.

It had been years since you had seen Shawn. What if he changed? What if he didn’t like you anymore? What if you embarrassed yourself?

Every time another one of thoughts popped in your head, it became harder to try to knock on that door.

You took a deep breath and tried to still your shaking hands. You felt a small moment of confidence. Before it went away, you quickly knocked on the door.

Your pulse quickened. You felt the extreme urge to just run away. Before you could do that, the door opened.

There he was.

He looked different in person. Magazines and social media had been the only place you saw him for years. Now, three feet in front of you, you were almost shocked that he was three dimensional.

“Hi” was all you get out.

You were absolutely frozen.

“Hey” he said, slowly. He seemed to also be at a loss for words.

You looked him up and down, taking in all of his features. His hair was longer now. His shoulders were broader and he was so much more muscular now.

You were almost drooling over his arms in the tight shirt. Your lingering gaze left his body and you met his eyes.

Small smiles appeared on both of your faces. He grabbed your hands and pulled you into a hug. His tight embrace was comforting. His strong arms around you made your heart swoon.

After a while, you both pulled away. Once again, you couldn’t get rid of the grin on your face. “So how have you been?” He asked, looking into your eyes.

You started to tell him about major changes in your life that he had missed. While you were talking, his hand naturally slipped into yours. He gave your hand a reassuring squeeze as you spoke.

Your heart was racing at the speed of sound. It felt like a dream. There was no way you could really be standing in front of Shawn after all these years.

“It’s so good to finally see you again. I’ve actually been wanting to ask you something” Shawn said, after you finished talking. You were immediately intrigued, but also worried.

“And what is that?” You asked, rocking back and forth on your feet. “I was wondering if you would want to collab on a song sometime. I really love your music, and it would awesome to work with you” he told you, honestly.

You were taken aback. “I would love to. Is that why you invited me? To use me for monetary gain?” You teased him, giggling. He chuckled and shook his head. “No, that’s not why I wanted to see you again” he said, with a certain sparkle in his eyes.

You started gazing into his eyes, and it became harder and harder to stop. You didn’t notice, but you both started to step closer together. What you did notice was Shawn carefully placing his hand on your waist. He did it so lightly that you almost thought you imagined the lingering touch.

Before you both started to lean in, there was a loud commotion outside the front door. You both quickly jumped away like teenagers caught doing something mischievous.

Shawn sighed and headed towards the door to check who it was. He looked through the peephole and then quickly backed up. You were confused by his urgency.

“Who is it?” You asked, curiously. He didn’t answer you right away. He walked over to a wall and quickly closed the curtains. “The paparazzi are here” he said, walking back over to you.

“Well then I guess you’re stuck with me until they leave” you said, smiling as you walked over to the couch. You plopped down on the couch, and Shawn joined you seconds later.

“So do you want to watch a movie because you’re going to be stuck here?” He asked you, grabbing the remote.

You nodded and leaned your head on his shoulder. He didn’t expect you to do it, but he leaned into your touch. He pressed play on a movie and then put his arm along the back of the couch.

Slowly, as the movie continued, his arm moved from the couch to your shoulders. The way he transitioned was so natural, like he was used to having his arm around you. It felt good, and was definitely something you could get used to.

The movie became dull, and you glanced up at Shawn. You found yourself admiring his features as he watched the screen.

Then he caught you.

He looked down into your eyes. You felt your cheeks heat up as you were caught. “Hi you” he said, sweetly. You just smiled and then cuddled further into his side.

“Hey wait. I wanted to ask you about something?” Shawn said, pausing the movie.

You looked back up at him. It was hard to not smile. You always felt happy when you were around Shawn.

“So, I know that we haven’t seen each other in years, but there’s been something I’ve always wanted to tell you. Since the day we first met, I have—” Shawn started to say before he was interrupted.

Your phone loudly started ringing. It distracted you from what he was saying. You glanced down at your phone. It was your mom calling.

“I’m so sorry. It’s my mom, I have to take this” you said, apologetically setting one of your hands on Shawn's. He nodded. He was always so understanding.

You quickly answered the phone. Before you could say hello, your mom started interrogating you.

“Are you and Shawn finally together?” She asked, very quickly. You were taken aback by the question and also how fast she had asked that. “Uhh...no. Why would you think that?” You asked her, confused.

“The pictures are everywhere. It’s you walking into his house, and there’s a picture of you two hugging. All the tabloids are saying you two are together. I know that I shouldn’t trust tabloids, but I’ve always wanted you two to date. You are both so great together. Plus, he’s very handsome. So, you have good taste” your mom rambled, only stopping when she ran out of breath.

“Woah woah woah. Slow down. I promise you, Shawn and I are not dating” you assured your mom. Only then, Shawn started to listen to what you were saying. He had been trying not to listen or eavesdrop, but you were right next to him.

He just smirked at you. You saw it and rolled your eyes at him, as you tried to hold back from laughing.

Eventually, your mom said she believed you and hung up the phone. “I’m sorry about that. She started listening to the tabloids” you explained to him. He chuckled as he looked at his own phone. “That’s okay. All my friends are texting me about it too” he told you, smiling.

“Well then I guess you’re stuck with me as your fake girlfriend” you said, sticking your tongue out at him. He put his arm around you and then you leaned your head on his shoulder. “I’ve missed you” he said, softly.

You started to trace shapes on the back of his hand. “I’ve missed you too” you said, at the same volume.

You felt Shawn kiss your temple and you felt the heat rush to your face.

“So what were you going to ask me before?” You asked him, giving him your full attention. Just as he was about to tell you, there was a loud knocking at the front door.

Shawn groaned and then stood up. He walked over to the door. He looked through the peephole and just sighed.

“Hang on a minute” he said to you. Then, he opened the door. You couldn’t see the door from where you were sitting. “Hey there sweetheart” you heard a girl say, and your blood ran cold.

Did Shawn have a girlfriend? You had never even brought it up. You felt so stupid. Of course he had a girlfriend. It had been years. You had been sitting here hoping he would make a move, but he was taken. He was gorgeous, any girl would be lucky to date him.

“Ashley. What do you want? We broke up. Stop acting like it didn’t happen” Shawn said, sternly. It threw you even farther off guard. You didn’t want to get your hopes up, but it seemed like Shawn was actually single.

“I just saw on Twitter that coffee shop girl was here before. If you are dating, I want you to know that you can do better. I’m still single and you know I’m hotter than her. Just come here and kiss me so all those paparazzis will know you’re mine again” you heard Ashley said.

You felt disgusted listening to her talk. She was being really rude to both you and Shawn. “Goodbye Ashley. Go ruin somebody else’s day” Shawn said, closing the door.

He walked back over to you. He looked defeated. “So that was...?” You asked. “My ex-girlfriend. I know, bad idea” he said. You didn’t know what to say.

Shawn cursed under his breath. He looked furious. You stood up and walked over to him. “Hey it’s okay. It’s no big deal. We’ll just move on. You don’t have to worry about it” you said, trying to console him. You didn’t know why he was so upset of all a sudden.

“No, it’s not okay, Y/N” he snapped at you. You jumped away from him. You visibly flinched. His eyes softened when he saw you back away. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have shouted, it’s not your fault” he said, hanging his head low.

“It’s just— I’ve tried to kiss you three times today, or at least just tell you how I feel. Every time that I try, something gets in the way. I haven’t seen you in years and I just want get this off my chest. I feel like we have something special. I don’t know if you feel it too, or I’m just crazy. I really just want to kiss you, but I’m afraid something will get in the way if I try” he confessed.

You were shocked. This was the last thing you expected him to say. You had always wished that your connection was more than just friends, but you had always second guessed it. You always assumed that you were just making it up.

“Well, there’s nothing stopping you now” you said, coyly. He quickly looked up to meet your eye contact. He looked unsure, so you made the first move.

You walked towards Shawn and placed your hands on his chest. “What are you waiting for?” You asked him. That was all the clarity he needed.

He instantly connected your lips and wrapped his arms around your waist. It felt perfect. That sounds cliche and unrealistic, but the mixture of years of feelings and yearning made the perfect combination.

You both pulled away and couldn’t look away from each other’s eyes. “I guess I should call my mom back and tell her I lied” you said, giggling.

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Yakuza!Kyōjurō x F!S/O: Sugar and Spice (Mafia!AU, Modern AU, NSFW Series)[Chapter 5]

Summary: Kyōjurō and (Y/n) meet at a party, only to find out that their lives would change forever— since they had been arranged to be married.

Warnings: Making Out, Dry Humping, Extreme Fluff

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4| Chapter 6

***

(Y/n) wasn’t a stranger to fast food establishments at all; especially when she was far away from her family at university, and well away from having to keep up pretenses— on the off chance that an off-the-rails paparazzo would recognize her and hound her for an interview.

She liked to partake in the occasional burger from McDonald’s, and the odd fried chicken from KFC every once in a while. But it was the first time that she’d even been to a fast food restaurant while dressed to the nines.

Hell, she was even wearing statement jewelry that her mother had told Rin to make her wear. And that had her gripping her seatbelt even tighter than before; especially as Kyōjurō pulled up right in front of the busy McDonald’s without a care in the world.

As if he owned the road, which he may as well have— what with the wide berth that people and cars had given him.

(Y/n) couldn’t blame them at all; she would have dived for cover the moment that she had spotted the 4444 digits, as well as the little crown at the corner of Kyōjurō’s license plate. But that was before she had come to be engaged to a Yakuza member— the heir of the family, no less.

“Are you serious? We’re eating here?” She didn’t have any qualm with fast food at all— it was just that they were extremely overdressed. And it was already garnering the attention from a couple of pedestrians, which had her sinking into her seat even further.

But Kyōjurō seemed like he couldn’t give two fucks about what anyone else thought, as he unbuckled his seatbelt and didn’t even bat an eye as he got out of the car; rounding it, all so he could open her door for her.

Gentlemanly, and it wooed (Y/n) a little, but it did barely anything to ease the embarrassment that she got from the stares of all the passersby.

“Why, princess? Too casual for you?” Kyōjurō teased, watching with amusement as his fiancée huffed a little while undoing her seatbelt. And, as a little act of rebellion, she ignored his hand and stepped out of the sedan as gracefully as she can— impressing Kyōjurō even more, as she seamlessly rose up without even parting her legs to move.

“In this case, yes. And in case you haven’t noticed, Kyōjurō, everyone has been staring at us.”

“So? Let them stare; it’s the first time that they’d seen someone as beautiful as you.” The Rengoku answered smoothly, taking (Y/n) off guard and making her cheeks bloom a vibrant red from embarrassment.

And, with a soft chuckle, Kyōjurō quickly took his fiancée’s hand into his own— before tugging her towards the bustling McDonald’s for a quick breakfast.

To Kyōjurō’s surprise— and his utter delight— she managed to finish her pancake and sausage meal; before giving his remaining pancake longing looks across the table.

(Y/n) tried to avoid looking at the fluffy pancake, as it was rude to do so, but her eyes always gravitated towards it; her stomach speaking for her and making her mouth water for the sweet treat. After all, pancakes were one of her most favorite breakfast items— if only for the fact that her father had always taken her to get them before school, before he was the Prime Minister.

The faintest of smiles graced her lips at the fond memories that came flashing in her mind; a reaction that wasn’t lost on Kyōjurō at all, especially since it gave her such a soft and ethereal glow that had him completely transfixed.

His mouth would have fallen open, had he not caught himself in time and kept it closed. And, before he could help it, an equally subtle smile tugged up at the corners of his lips— all while he admired the woman whom sat adjacent from him; the woman who was going to be his wife.

“What’re you smiling about?” The question wasn’t harsh at all, it was merely inquisitive, which had Kyōjurō playfully tilting his head slightly and amping up the wattage on his smile.

However, instead of being teasing, he decided to be upfront with her— hoping to catch her off guard.

Which he did, with his answer.

“You. The way you’re the most beautiful person here without even trying...”

(Y/n)’s lips pursed at those words, but the smile that she tried to hide with that action still crept through the tiny cracks in her façade. It completely enamored the Rengoku even more, as opposed to turning him off from her false placidity.

“You’re too much of a charmer, Kyōjurō,” (Y/n) conceded in a somewhat playful tone, before idly taking her cup of orange juice and taking a sip of it— if only to hide her oncoming blush and flustered smile behind the action.

“Only for you, princess.” And honestly, he really meant it; he’d always been charming, but it was only with her that he truly meant everything he said.

***

A two hour drive later found (Y/n) staring in awe up at the tall trees that bordered a two-lane road up in the mountains. They had turned off from the main road five minutes ago, but she had yet to see where her fiancé was taking her.

If she were to be honest, she would say that she was getting slightly nervous. She couldn’t help the reaction though, as it made sense— all because of Kyōjurō’s job’s nature. She had come to like him to a degree, but she had yet to put her trust in him.

After all, she had to be careful, as she had gone into the arrangement with her eyes wide open. His family was cashing in a favor her father owed, and she could never forget that.

But that didn’t mean that she should hate him for it, as she’d come to realize during their breakfast. He wasn’t all that bad, and he was very easy on the eyes— which was an extremely huge plus.

“I hate to ask this so late, but where exactly are we going?” (Y/n) finally piped up, turning away from the seemingly neverending foliage and looking over at Kyōjurō— whom had his full attention on the road.

He didn’t even turn towards her when he answered, “Somewhere special, and somewhere... private.”

The way that the last word rolled off his tongue was packed with so much meaning, that she couldn’t help but feel herself get a little hot under the collar at his double entendre. Still, she pushed for complete placidity, and even opted to cross her legs at the ankles— if only to squeeze her thighs together.

“I’m sure you’re gonna like it there, sweetheart. Best of all, you won’t have to deal with your mother for a while,” Kyōjurō joked with a grin, still not looking at her, but turning to his left before veering the car left.

A sharp gasp escaped from (Y/n)’s lips at the reckless move, only to be truly left speechless when she got an eyeful of the view in front of her. From a break in the foliage, she saw that they were on a cliff face, with a traditional Japanese mansion down below— complete with an expansive garden— and partnered with such a breathtaking view of Saitama’s lush mountains serving as the backdrop.

Not even the sound of Kyōjurō pulling up the handbrake ruined the tranquility of the moment.

She had been to so many beautiful places in the world, but something about the place just seemed so... tranquil. Like it had touched not jusy her heart, but also her soul.

From his seat, Kyōjurō watched in fascination as his fiancée’s expression became even lovelier as the seconds ticked by. She took in the view so hungrily, that he wasn’t prepared for the sheer admiration in her eyes when she turned to finally look at him.

“Is this yours?” She asked softly, her voice barely above breaking a whisper.

And, with a subtle shake of his head, he gave in to his instincts and leaned in closer to bridge the gap between them— cupping her cheeks in his hands and bringing her face in so he could brush his lips against hers. “It’ll be yours too. Soon, Mrs. Rengoku.”

It was only meant to be a quick peck, but Kyōjurō couldn’t help himself and deepened it into a proper kiss; one that had (Y/n) melting right into his touch. She pliantly parted her lips for his tongue, moaning softly against his mouth when he moved to play with hers.

But things didn’t stop there for the couple, as (Y/n) released more of her control and allowed her lover to pull her over the console and right onto his lap. Thankfully, her dress was flared enough to have not ripped when she instinctively straddled him.

It was a tight fit, with her pressed flush against him— as the steering wheel was digging into her back— but she paid no mind to it as she traded kiss for kiss with her fiancé. All the while, the Rengoku’s hands anchored themselves to either side of her waist, kneading her sides before the right one moved down to cup her ass and squeeze it through her dress.

“Fuck, baby, I want nothing more than to fuck you right here,” Kyōjurō hissed, as he hungrily devoured his lover’s lips with open mouthed kisses. He had even taken to nipping at her lips every once in a while to ease the frustration he felt, especially with her pussy pressed flush against the steadily rising bulge between his thighs.

But he couldn’t break his own word— that his cock was a wifey privilege. Because not only would that be embarrassing and needy as hell for him, it would be going back on his word. And if there’s anything that Kyōjurō hated, it was going back on someone’s word— especially his own.

In response to that, (Y/n) began to grind her pussy up against Kyōjurō’s erection; wrapping her arms even tighter around his shoulders, while her fingers buried themselves in his hair. “Do it. Fuck me right here.”

Part of her was surprised at her shameless words, but she couldn’t very well take them back anymore so she decided to remedy her gaffe by being the one to dive in for another open mouthed kiss— if only to distract her lover from what she had just admitted to wanting, in a roundabout way.

Kyōjurō’s cock was throbbing with need at that statement, but he still forced himself to pull away before things could press on to the point where even he would lose sight of his own control. It was the hardest thing he’d had to do in a while, and it was obvious by (Y/n)’s expression that she did not appreciate being rejected once more— which he tried to smooth over with one last kiss to her luscious lips.

“Wifey priveleges, princess. Not until you’re officially mine.”