#this is not a rhetorical question please tell me which one i am i can't tell

[mutable-manifestation]

Hello, I’m Ameera a 23 years old Muslim lesbian who is trying to come out, I’ve been in the closet with my girlfriend for way too long, because of how dangerous and hard it is to come out as a lesbian to a religious Muslim family, but me and my girlfriend have decided to do whatever it takes and risk it all to come out, do you mind supporting and encouraging us?, though I know we all have what we dealing with, so I’m not imposing we just need all the support and encouragement we can get, check my pinned post for more information on how you can support, if you are a Muslim queer and you are out, please help with tips on how to make it less complicated, any word of advice is also really needed, we really wanna come out but we need y’all 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ pride please come through for us, I believe pride is for all

Hi Ameera!

I saw on one of your other posts that you already have an exit strategy and are prepared to move out and cut contact should that be necessary for your safety, so I don't see any reason why you shouldn't come out if it's what you want!

I shall be wishing for your family to surprise you with acceptance and support, and for your contingencies to be unnecessary.

I am a Christian rather than a Muslim, so I can't speak to the specifics of your situation, but - if you haven't already - I'd recommend looking into what your religious text(s?) say about the LGBT+ community.

The first thing I did when I realized I was a lesbian was research.

The most I'd ever heard about gay people growing up was "gay marriage bad >:(" and even that only seemed to crop up around when gay marriage beginning to get legalized, so I looked into all of the relevant verses and tried to reconcile my sexuality with my faith.

I didn't want to go looking for validation, I just wanted answers, information, so I could gather my thoughts from there. So I looked at both sides.

The arguments I found that explained the bible as not against LGBT+ were all rooted in study and logic - meanings of words that were oversimplified in translation, historical contexts that I had been lacking prior, etc. All of it was rooted in trying to understand the original texts as and when they were written.

The arguments against LGBT+ all seemed to parrot the modern bible and "homosexuality is a sin" with no other arguments - or at least, no other arguments that could be applied only to homosexual people (example: "but gay couples can't have children!!!" yeah okay neither can infertile/sterile people and they can still get married/it isn't a sin for them to be in relationships). They were also all written with a hostile, hateful undertone (or overtone in some cases). Which. Christians are supposed to be known for our love, so any rhetoric based in hatred... and not even logic to back it? yeah. No.

The arguments explaining gay = okay were all based in love, compassion, and understanding - in logic and research.

So.

It was easy enough for me to reconcile my faith and my sexuality because, as it happens, there was nothing incompatible about the two!

(To any side b or x christians who may read this: this isn't an invite to debate, you literally cannot change my mind and also I will simply block you. This is not my Theological Discussions account)

I'm not quite sure how Islam sees the LGBT+ community in terms of religious rhetoric - from my (very) brief research the only thing I could find was a quote or two about Sodom and Gomorrah, which I've seen plenty of break-downs regarding, though what the Quran (or other Islamic texts?) says may differ.

Once you've done your research and come to terms with the information as needed (again, if you haven't already), I'd write a list of common questions and arguments you're family might make and come up with responses.

I don't know your family. They may shut down and simply tell you to get out and never return. (the worst case scenario [I hope - I don't know your family but if you think there is any possibility of physical violence I would definitely recommend either a video call - so you can see facial expressions - or staying near an exit while coming out])

They might ask you for space to think (okay scenario - kinda in limbo here).

They may surprise you with acceptance (best case scenario)

But they may ask questions and try to argue (middling case scenario).

They may ask things like why you're gay, argue that it's against your religion, etc. In this case, you have a chance to talk them into being supportive.

So.

Lists.

Brainstorm questions with your girlfriend - as many as you both can think of - and go through them. A lot of answers will be easy, some you might need to think more about/do research on (at least, that's my experience). But at least you'll both be armed with all the information you might need in the middling scenario (and it makes it harder for them to make you doubt yourselves, if that's something either of you might struggle with).

Of course, if you've already accepted the possible need to cut contact and gotten ready to move out you might've already thought of all this. Still, I hope this has been of at least some help to you, even if that's just by serving as a reminder that you aren't alone in this and that there's a community out here that supports you.

I'll be wishing you luck; I hope both you and your girlfriend get the best case scenario :)

[shoggothkisses]

The Narzissenkreuz Adventure: Initial Thoughts

I want to make sure I write these down before I forget them, so please don't consider this post an "in depth" lore rant so much as some preliminary thoughts I hope to delve into later!

SPOILERS FOR FONTAINE UNDER THE CUT

First: names. Oh my god. Friends will attest that I've been screaming in Discord for the last few weeks, "WHY IS THE FROG NAMED JAK!?," with no context. Now I finally have an answer, and I am sated (for now). While the names of the actual water constructs aren't inherently important - they even say so themselves - we can now conclude that Mary-Ann / Ann pulled the names of people who lived and worked around her at the Narzissenkreuz Institute for the characters in her children's stories. We have Jak(ob Ingold), Al(ain Guillotine), Rene, Kate (possibly Karl??) and Petit Chou (this one is a stretch, but since Chou and Basil Elton are both named after vegetation, I think that's who Chou is supposed to be.)

Also I love that they decided to make Mary-Ann a direct reference to Alice in Wonderland (Mary-Ann is the name of the housekeeper the White Rabbit mistakes Alice for; and the Narzissenkreuz Mary-Ann is a caretaker and governess for the children).

Platonism has SO much weight in Fontaine, and especially here. Ashikai made a video recently that references the Veluriyam Mirage and Plato's Allegory of the Cave, and this time around we have characters who blatantly announce that their physical forms and names have nothing to do with their essence. In their minds, their "purpose" in the story is who they are. This is highly likely to be a reference to Aristotle and Plato's believe in animism and essentialism - all things have souls and the soul is the true form of the self.

JUNGIAN ARCHETYPES!!! This made me extremely excited. The Adventure Team says that "our purposes are our essences," which feels very archetypal. Kate is not Kate, but The Battle Hardened General. Narcissus is not Narcissus, or even an Oceanid, but The Dragon. Ann is not Ann, but The Hero. The repetition of certain archetypes in every single nation we've been to has made me spin in circles the whole time I've been observing it. There have been MANY archetypes that have repeated themselves in each nation (a Dragon, a Dragon-Slayer, a Holy Bird, a Big Tree, etc.) - and if things like archetypes and the collective unconscious are real and have a real effect on the events of Teyvat, it brings up two more questions: which of these archetypes were the "first," and how many times will they keep repeating?

"THE RULE OF THREE IS AN ANCIENT PRINCIPLE" DO I NEED TO SAY MORE? yes. yes i do. SO. despite poking through BOTH Aristotle's Rhetoric and his Poetics, while he loves listing his premises and theories in groups of three, he doesn't actually mention WHY he uses the number three so often. It's more likely thanks to our buddy Pythagoras that the number three is considered a Special™️ number, because he thought that (since it's the sum of all numbers beneath it - 1 + 2), he believed to be a "noble" number representing unity and harmony. Hence, why it's shown up everywhere from Christianity to neopaganism to writing to business marketing (!?) since.

THE NARZISSENKREUZ DOMAIN IS AN ENDLESS DOWNWARD SPIRAL WITH EACH LEVEL ON TOP OF ONE ANOTHER AND THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS GOING TO BE A LONG TOPIC FOR ANOTHER DAY

The only other time we've seen Paimon have such a strong response to a domain was under The Chasm - which was also a time loop of sorts. We've also seen (especially via the Sabzeruz Samsara) that she can't tell when we're stuck in a time loop. She can only feel its effects via fatigue and dizziness. This definitely has to be important.

So these are artifacts right. The pocket watch and the feather. These are symbols of aspects of Ann's story, so they're parts of an artifact set? They hold parts of her soul? We're all on the same page with that right!? RIGHT??

It's not given its proper name, but the Jabberwock's Holy Sword is quite obviously the Vorpal Blade, a well-recognized dragon-slaying sword from Lewis Carroll's poem "The Jabberwocky," which features in Through the Looking Glass.

Speaking of all the Alice references in this world quest - the final chapter of TtLG ("Who Dreamed It?") is a little unnerving in a Genshin context, since "what is life but a dream?" implies that, if whoever is dreaming of Teyvat(?) ever wakes up...well. Let's hope the collective unconscious thing is a more accurate representation for how Teyvat works, since then everyone would have to wake up for the universe to disappear.

EDIT: Ann mentions three cities/civilizations while we're in the Looking Glass Domain: Yith, Arcadia, and Hyperborea. I've posted an explanation about Yith in my Lovecraft References post but I want to mention the other two really quick! In Greek mythology, Arcadia was supposed to be an unspoiled paradise outside of human civilization, where the god Pan lived alongside a bunch of nature spirits (dryads, nymphs etc.). Hyperborea, meanwhile, was a city "beyond the reach of Boreas (the North Wind)," inhabited by people who worshipped and were beloved by Apollo (god of being Booked and Busy, apparently). The former wasn't so much a utopia as a place where supernatural entities could chill away from humans (which reminds me of the lost kingdom of the Seelie?), while the latter was a maybe-real, maybe-not utopia inhabited by 10-foot-tall blondes.

THAT'S ALL I'VE GOT FOR NOW BUT. but if you want to chat about things that happened in Narzissenkreuz, my ask box is open!!

[stranger-rants]

I have one question and one question only:

"He physically assaulted a child. "

Where? Please someone tell me where he did cause i am confused, if it's the scene where he grabbed Max's wrist sorry to disappoint that's not assault that's normal siblings behavior when they get angry at each other lol

I think they're talking about Lucas, but people rarely use his name when they talk about what happened which is a weird choice.

What he did to Lucas isn't okay. We all know this. However, people intentionally frame this scene to make it worse than it is by ignoring context and exaggerating harm.

That is they will call all violence committed by Billy "assault," but then call everyone else's violence a fight. They will call Lucas a child, and Billy a grown man. Their age difference is like four years.

Not only that but they ignore that Billy wouldn't be there if it wasn't for his father as well as the fact that the boys had been stalking Max up until that point.

Given Billy is in charge of her and he gets beat if anything happens to her, what is he supposed to think when he finds her with a bunch of boys at night at a random person's house?

Not only this, but he doesn't do much more after pushing Lucas than telling Lucas to stay away from Max, literally pleading with him to stay away because Max will not listen to him.

Why would he do that? Why would he care? Everything we know up until that point is that his dad is a bigot who abuses Billy when he can't control Max. Hmn. What could it be?

...but we can't even explore that because then people turn around and say "Billy tried to kill Lucas!" They don't even say Lucas actually. They say a black child, and ignore that Lucas kicked him.

When Billy said "You're dead" they take that at face value because no one in this fandom seems to understand hyperbole.

All context is removed and words are manipulated to make Billy seem much worse than he is. All of that is intentional so they don't have to confront their own biases regarding his character.

We should be able to talk about how Billy's actions were harmful and evoke racist violence without having to grapple with distorted information, half truths, and/or manipulative language.

We should be able to say that obviously Billy has some things to unlearn, and that ideally he would need to earn the trust of someone like Lucas or Max. Those are important conversations.

But I'm not going to suffer the foolishness of these fans who don't even care about Lucas as a character outside of the one time Billy pushed him. Lucas is not a rhetorical device to shit on survivors.

[assassinsdragons]

For @ladderofyears. Happy Birthday, Friend <3

Whoosh. Schdng.

Attached to the arrow that just flew past Draco's head to stick neatly in a crack on Draco's bed post, is a note.

Meet me tonight. Midnight. By the water lily pond. Yours beloved. H

Draco smirks, which immediately rouses Lady Parkinson's interest.

"What's he planning now?" she asks.

"I don't know," Draco answers truthfully. "He has just asked me to meet him at midnight?"

"Is he coming here?"

"No–"

"Pity."

"I need to get out of the castle," Draco shows her the letter, but she replies before she's even taken it into her own hands,

"Count me in."

Draco never doubted that he could count with Pansy's help when it came to rebellious acts such as sneaking out to meet an outlaw. Especially not this outlaw. And especially especially not when said outlaw probably has some plan to infiltrate the prince's rooms again to steal back money for the people.

As if summoned by mention-in-thoughts alone, a knock suddenly sounds on the door.

Pansy shares a look with Draco before wordlessly gathering the arrow and the note. She busies herself with hiding them - and herself - while Draco opens the door.

On the other side of it stands the Prince, chin lifted high to make him look less... not haughty. Sparing no time for chit chat, or even simple greetings or asking how Draco's doing, he asks Draco to join him for dinner later this evening.

"What if I have other plans?" Draco asks, fake innocence dripping from his voice though the Prince doesn't seem to realise it's not real.

However, the Prince, as he is, can not stand being turned down. The previous stoic look on his face cracks instantly, giving way for anger, viciousness. A tad suspicion.

"What else could you possibly have planned at such a late hour tonight?" he huffs out.

Draco smiles sweetly, thought none of the gentleness in his voice is real as he answers, "Oh, don't worry, Your Highness. It was a rhetorical question, in lieu of pointing out you forgot your manner and didn't ask for my wellbeing before springing your invitation upon me. But I would love for nothing else than attend dinner with you."

The Prince mulls over the words for a while, stretching out the silence between them while Draco tries very hard to not burst out laughing.

"Alright then," the Prince concludes at last. "It's settled."

Nodding in response, Draco waves a low hand at the door to guide the Prince back out again. As soon as the heavy wood has closed between them, Draco turns to Pansy who emerges from behind one of Draco's wardrobes.

The moment their eyes meet, they both start to laugh. It takes a rather long time before they've calmed down enough to speak.

"Well, that complicates things," Draco says eventually, being the first of them to get himself under control. "How am I supposed to attend a meal with His Royal Wussiness and make it to the Sherwood Forest in time for Harry's surprise?"

"Skip dinner," Pansy answers easily with a shrug. "Tell the wimp you're sick.

"I can't. He'll suspect something's up since I didn't immediately accept his offer."

At the reminder of the Prince's furious looks at the thought of being turned down, Pansy starts laughing again.

"Sorry," she manages between breathless sniggers. "This is serious, I know. I just... he looked so..."

Draco smirks. It was really amusing, so he doesn't blame her for laughing. He waits her out.

"We'll need a way for you to get transported rather quickly after your meal then."

They sit down on top of Draco's bed and plan the night's mischief until it's time to get ready for dinner.

~~**~~

The Prince seems pleased by Draco's efforts to dress appropriately this time - as that is not something too common of an occurrence, since Draco usually likes to tickle the Prince's ire by showing up in everyday threads rather than proper evening attire.

This time, however, Draco isn't dressing up for the Prince. He has dressed to steal the attention of one Harry Potter in the midst of the dark greens of a deep forest. But the Prince needs not know that. It would only make this meal even more unpleasant than it already is.

When the Prince offered his invitation back in Draco's rooms, Draco had Pansy (out of sight) to back him up. He had someone to share glances with, someone to endure the Prince's bad company with. Now he's on his own.

As the prince drones on about the worth of his clothes and about the wealth hidden away in his rooms and about how he's planning on forcing more taxes out of his poor subjects and about how important he is, Draco has to fight with every bit of his resilience to keep himself from rolling his eyes every other half minute, or snigger out loud.

It helps to focus on committing any detail that could help Harry with a future raid to mind, but there are still several too close calls for Draco's liking.

Time moves slower than usual while Draco picks away at his food. By the time they have finished their dessert, Draco runs out of the dining hall almost before he has bid the Prince a proper good night.

In his defence, he does have to hurry to catch the carriage Pansy is supposed to have "prepared" for him to get Draco to the forest. It's a shipment which is due to pass through the ring wall gate half to midnight, and Draco knows he has to hurry or he'll end up missing it.

To keep up appearances of going to bed, Draco returns to his rooms. Shortly thereafter though, as soon as he hears nothing but silence from the other side of his door, he begins the hustle of sneaking out of the castle unseen.

It seems Pansy has performed her part of the plan without fault while Draco was caught up in the dining room. Every time Draco peeks around a corner, he finds the hallways empty, even though there are supposed to be guards stationed there.

Draco smiles to himself as he thinks about what the Prince would say if he learned his own residents were using his money to bribe his own guards. And what would he say about his guards accepting the money?

His face would probably turn the colour of radishes, and he'd be so angry he wouldn't be able to get a single coherent word out. His brain would melt. After a while, he would call on his guards to arrest the culprits, completely forgetting who the actual offenders were. He'd probably blame Harry for it, even though Harry technically doesn't have anything to do with the bribes. At least not directly.

The guards, of course, wouldn't oblige the command, since they wouldn't want to arrest themselves. Instead, they would start running about, pretending to carry out the Prince's orders. By then, the Prince would be getting his disproportionate sense of self worth back, his anger would deflate, and he'd retreat to the background, sucking his thumb. Bloody twat.

When Draco finally gets to the castle square, he shakes the thoughts of the Prince out of his head in favour of searching for his designated ride. It doesn't take long to find it, since it's the only manned carriage in the entire area.

It's a nondescript wagon, pulled by a single brown horse. The middle aged horseman us busying himself with loading a bunch of barrels onto the hay-covered cart.

"Good evening, sir," Draco greets as he walks closer. "Would this shipment be going through the Sherwood Forest?"

"Aye, sir. Getting some ale for the Sheriff of Nottingham, I am. Bloody greedy is he, insisting it need sto be delivered before dawn."

"Well of course. He needs something to drown his sorrows about that Potter boy in! Great work, though, my kind sir."

The man takes Draco's offered hand and shakes it before helping Draco climb up on the wagon and hide among the barrels. They don't say anything else, a precaution in case some night owl could be up and might overhear them.

Before long, the last barrel has been loaded and the crew sets out on its journey away from the castle. It's not a comfortable ride, but Draco can't really be too bothered by it. He humours himself by using a small knife Harry once gifted him to carve small holes into half the barrels, letting some of the Sheriff's prised ale go to waste.

Also, for every bump they run over, for every time he scratches his arms against planks as the carriage tumbles, he is reminded he's getting closer to seeing Harry again.

~~**~~

At last, the monotone sound of wooden wheels rolling upon gravel is disturbed by the horseman's voice.

"The moon is looking very bright tonight. The road is clearly lit, so I've got no reason to stop until we've arrived at Nottingham, ain't that right, Joey?"

He appears to be talking to his horse, but Draco has no problem interpreting the message.

They're not going to stop, but this is where Draco needs to get off. He wastes no time before climbing over the edge of the wagon. He jumps into the ditch next to the road, rolling over to his side to soften the impact.

"Be careful, prestigious Lord," says a voice, seemingly coming from a bush to Draco's right hand side. "Won't do us any good if you start the night with a sprained ankle."

Draco cries out, filled with joy, "Harry!"

It takes no time at all for Draco to scramble to his feet and attack the bush. Next thing he knows, he's sprawled on top of a young man with black tousled hair, crinkly green eyes, crooked smile and an infamous scar running from his temple down past his left cheek bone in a zigzag manner.

"Easy there, I'm sure this isn't how a nobleman is supposed to behave."

"You're right," Draco agrees.

He makes to stand up, but before he can Harry drags him down again and kisses him. When they break apart again, Draco peers down at Harry's face, drinking in his appearance, barely believing he's really there. It's been so long.

"You had something planned for me?" Draco asks finally, with a wide smile.

Harry smiles back just as widely, and nods.

"Close your eyes," he hums, when the two of them have gotten up from the ground at last. "I'll guide you. Do you trust me?"

"Of course. Can't you see, my eyes are already closed. I'll follow you wherever you want us to go."

Draco can feel Harry's smile as he kisses Draco's cheek. Then he takes a hold of Draco's hand and leads him somewhere into the woods.

TO BE CONTINUED ao3

[horizon-verizon]

Please learn how the tagging system works. Nobody wants to see your anti Sansa/Aemond takes in their tags. That's what anti tags are for. I'm tired of Targ stans pitching fits about other fans not tagging correctly (they do) while you guys freely tag your hate and then complain when fans object to this.

How about this: both sides both put anti tags and do not put anti tags sometimes (because that is the actual truth of it, since I don't think every single Targ anti or Targ pro tags their stuff as you say "correctly"). Or that when people argue their arguments against Rhaenyra/Dany/Arya etc's characters and morals, they sometimes do not put "anti-" blah, blah there.

Which one of us are right is about how people can tag, anon? Rhetorical question. The answer is the both of us. Sometimes you have people on both sides not use anti tags and continue to not to despite people like you telling them to. And we can't forget that whatever "sides" there are, people disagree passionately and see the other side as the "troublesome" or "bad" one. Both together which results in more and more complaints until it seems to each side that one side is not doing what the other tells them to do as if it were a group symptom of one side

In the past, I have said that I do not put "anti" in front of "Sansa" posts writing against her because I do not actually despise Sansa with every fiber in my being as the words "anti" implies (like I do Otto, Alicent, Aemond, Aegon II) BUT it is mainly because everything about Sansa, etc. that I say is backed up by the actual text (which I give) and the context (which I explain) and the definition of bullying/war prize, blood purity, etc.

Feels disingenuous to then put "anti-Sansa" or whatever just to make people feel comfortable when people could just skim the post and go on their merry way like I have. I also have never, not once, complained about other Rhaenyra/Dany/etc haters NOT putting in "anti" tags. And I already explained why here.

I also chose not to even filter that stuff out, because I actually want to know how these people think from time to time, but that is just me.

I honestly am not sure why exactly this bothers people so much other than they and you are angry that you get to see posts talking and arguing in ways and about things you don't like or passionately disagree with. But if you don't like a thing, you have the choice to either read it or not to read it. It is not as if I am publishing graphic pictures or NOT trying to put trigger warnings and content warnings in my tags. You, know, things that are actually serious and could harm users' psyches if there were no tags.

Therefore I know how it works now. I see it as pretty much dumb, though. (Except for the idea of trigger warnings and content warnings for actually serious things.)

[naivesilver]

once again, I am in your inbox. could I PLEASE have some court related shenanigans for ❛just face it, you’re stuck with me now -whether you want to or not. ❜ or ❛shut up and let me comfort you.❜ Any combination of characters is fine, just so long as at least one member of the court is involved 🥰

A little treat about the kiddos and their multiple fave adult figures, to start the day well

Found Family Prompts

Just face it, you’re stuck with me now - whether you want to or not.

"Sheriff," Lampwick announces, sauntering over to where Emma is currently enjoying her plateful of food, "your dad's here. He's lookin' for you."

She groans in frustration, unable to restrain herself. "Really? Can't you pretend you didn't find me?"

This is not particularly fair towards David, if she's honest with herself. No doubt there's something important that requires her attention, if he's gone so far as to personally fetch her from the cookout she's surprisingly been invited to. If anything, he deserves some praise for even finding her - she's not quite sure whose lawn it is that she's sitting on, lounging on a chair with a paper plate heaped with grilled goodies in her hands. The kids wanted her there, alright, but there's so many of them running around that she can't just stop one and ask them whether this is their parents' house or not.

She had been rather enjoying herself, however, so she's not exactly keen on leaving just yet. The food is amazing, and there are no less than three older ladies present who seem ready to impart both wisdom and gossip to anyone willing to listen, both of which might help her keep the town from falling apart on the long run. She feels like a little girl being asked to leave a birthday party early, ridiculous as it might seem.

The boy grins widely, eyes sparkling with mischief. "I thought you'd be tired of us by now, Sheriff. Thought you couldn't wait to get rid of us."

"You wish, kid. Just face it, you guys are stuck with me now, whether you want to or not."

"Who, me? I'd be stupid to send you away. 'S a lot boring without you around, you know."

Emma waves him away, though she can feel a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Go do what you've been asked to do, you're in enough trouble as it is."

Lampwick gives her a curt bow, mockingly servile, then bounds away whistling, and after a couple minutes Emma's father shows up in his place, looking around with an expression of polite (if faintly puzzled) amusement.

"I would have let you be, If I'd known you were having so much fun," he says, smiling apologetically.

"Too late. Please don't tell me someone's cursing someone else, it's 2PM on a Saturday."

"No curses, don't worry. But apparently some of the latest arrivals had a blood feud with a bunch of Arendelle folks, and they're up at the sheriff's station waiting for someone to mediate it, so..."

"Oh, for God's sake." Much as it pains her to, Emma stands up with a huff, abandoning her plate on the nearest table. "Alright, alright, I'm coming. I just need to get my badge- there's a blonde girl called Twinkle somewhere around here who's got it, see if you can find her. I told her she could use it to play detectives if she didn't lose it."

David gives her a sceptical frown. "Wait, a girl called called what?"

It's almost completely a rhetorical question, Emma can gather as much. Unfortunately, it seems not everyone has the same insight as her - a short, dark-haired boy standing at the table stops halfway pouring himself a drink and glares at her father with surprising intensity, hands planted on his waist.

"Aren't you ashamed? You should be ashamed. You're a bit old to make fun of a teenager's name," he says, sternly. "And anyway, isn't your name Prince Charming? That's worse than Twinkle, so you're being an hypocrite, if you ask me."

He strides away right afterwards, glass in hand, and Emma has to make an effort not to burst out laughing in her father's face as he watches the boy leave with bewilderment strewn across his every feature.

"Okay, what the hell was that?" He stammers, after a moment.

"That was our cue to leave before you cause a diplomatic incident." She takes him gently by the arm and starts leading him away, weaving through the crowd.

"But they just call him Eugene, usually."

[lokisprettygirl]

Build me Up, Break me Down (Loki x female reader)

Read chapter 1 here

Chapter 2

Summary : You beg Loki to take you with him and he might just have a use of you.

Warning : mean asshole Loki, manipulation, reader does what she's asked to do (get with the program)

You turned around to look at him and he had an evil smirk plastered on his face. You walked closer to the glass and tapped on it in a foolish attempt to open it.

"Lokiii what are you doing?" Your voice broke and vision blurred with your own tears. This was supposed to be good for you, you should have known you'd never get to live a life where you can feel normal for once 

"You know what's astounding about this? I didn't even have to manipulate you, you were so easy to break, I can't believe that the can of tin actually hired someone as useless as you to keep an eye on me" he snickered and you started crying as you realized that he was free now and he was going to cause havoc again and you'll be jailed or god knows what they'll do with you once they find out 

"Loki please don't do this, I ..I just ..just get me out at least" your broken voice didn't melt him whatsoever. He chuckled in response instead, you watched him stay trapped in there for a week so it was really satisfying for him to see you behind the cell for a change

"Tch tch are you expecting pity from me mortal? Don't you know who I am?" He smiled as he asked you a rhetorical question. You wanted to run, you wanted to run so far away. 

"Let me tell you something that I know the mighty Avengers, the savior of the humanity would love to hear. Right now one of their own is bringing the tesseract and the sceptre back to me, as soon as I have it in my palms I'm going to escape and they won't be able to find me for a very long time" Tesseract? sceptre? You didn't understand half of the term he was using, you just wanted to run. You saw Happy entering the room and you screamed 

"Mister Happy..sir please get me out, he tricked me and got out, call someone Please" you yelled at him but he seemed like a brain-dead zombie. He had a spear-like thing in his hand and a briefcase which he handed over to Loki. 

"You're wasting your breath here mortal, I have enchanted this valuable horse of Stark and he brought me what I needed" Umm enchanted? Enchanted? He didn't even leave the cell or did he? What was he? Some type of sorcerer? What have you done? 

"Lokiii please get me out.. I thought we were becoming friends" you cried out to him and he chuckled in response

"I do not make friends and even if I did it wouldn't be with someone as incompetent as you are, die for all I care" he smiled even though just saying that to someone made him feel horrible. He was doing the same thing he has been through all his life, maybe it's true, maybe one does become the product of their environment

"Lokkiiiii please..I'd die..I don't think I can take this please.. I can't deal with this. If you want to kill me just kill me but please don't leave me here like this, I won't be able to handle all this please I'm begging you just take me with you and kill me, I won't be a problem I promise" you bent down on your knees and begged to him like you have done previously in a different situation. He heard your child like sobs but continued to walk away, he can't have another being following him around, it would only risk his mission

"Please lokiii.. I only did what they asked me to, I didn't keep you in the cell, I just did what they asked me to" he sighed as he heard that and stormed towards you. Then he punched the glass walls of the cell in frustration.

"You can't shut up can you?" He typed the code in and as soon as the cell opened you ran outside and he grabbed your arms painfully 

"You listen to me, if you even dare and try to run away or play smart, I'll make every cell in your body dissipate and I'll make sure you feel all that pain. One wrong step and you'll regret this moment when you begged me to take you along with me, you will regret ever being born, am I being clear?" As if you don't already do. You nodded your head and he went down on his knees to open the briefcase, your eyes almost got blinded by the cube inside. What the hell was that? Now. He made the spear disappear and asked you to keep your hands on the cube 

"It's not going to burn right?" you asked him and you were with his signature asshole look

"Fine stay here" you quickly bent down and held the cube and you don't remember anything after that. You woke up to him trying to wake you up and you gasped as if you couldn't even breathe

"What was that?" You sat up as you asked him that, you were both in some sort of alleyway and you hated alleys. 

"Shut Up and follow me now" you got up and quickly followed him, so he was just going to walk around New York City in his Asgardian clothes? Drawing all that attention on him?

"So ummm not to interrupt your fashion walk but I think with that attire you're literally asking to get caught" he quickly grabbed your neck in his hand and gave it a little squeeze 

"Who do you think I am? I'm the trickster god, didn't you hear?" You tried to slap his hand away because that would work right and he let go when he saw your skin turning blue. You gasped for breath as you felt the burning in your throat and chest 

"I'm sorry " you mumbled meekly and he rolled his eyes. So it is a universal gesture? He waved his hand and you saw the green shimmer forming around you both then he started walking again, as you stepped out of the alley is when you realized you were not in New York, in fact you didn't think you were in USA 

"We are not in the USA are we? Unless it's chinatown?" He glared at you and you looked away quickly 

"Osaka, where is that?" He asked you and your eyes widened again

"How did we get to Japan?" You asked him as you both continued to walk god knows where 

"Through Tesseract" you assumed the cube was named Tesseract. You both ended up in a hotel and he grabbed your arms as he took you inside, the receptionist spoke in Japanese and you didn't understand a word of it. But he did and he got a room where you two can hide probably

Once you got inside the room you screamed as you looked at yourself in the mirror, you looked different, you looked like another person, and so did he when you saw him in the mirror. 

"Why..do..I umm why am I..who's that?" 

"I don't know some random midgardian I saw while I was destroying your planet" he got rid of the illusion and he was back in his attire. Pompous ass. 

"But I didn't notice the difference out there, why didn't I see you differently?" You asked him confused and he sighed 

" I didn't cast that illusion for you, I did it for other mortals so we won't get recognised, you're a fugitive now, congratulations" he spoke in a tone that made you feel as if your mere presence was annoying him 

"So umm what is your plan" 

"Shut up alright? I don't want to hear a word coming out of your mouth. I won't hesitate to use the tesseract and send you off to another dimension" your eyes widened at the threat and you sat down on the couch. You wondered how you two were going to sleep, you were going to say something but he looked at you, and you shut your mouth. After a while he stopped pacing and waved his fingers again, he changed his clothes and now was in a dark gray tunic kind of thing and a pair of pants. You raised your hand up as if asking for permission to speak and he rolled his eyes 

"What?"

"Umm I'm hungry, I didn't have breakfast" or Lunch. You teared up and his eyes softened for a second the he stood up and called the room service to order food, you stayed quiet and didn't say a word, as soon as the food got delivered you gobbled it down as if you haven't had a meal in ages. 

"Thank you, you want to eat?" You asked him and he shook his head then he laid down on the bed. You had no idea what he intended to do or what was his plan and you felt scared to ask him. You didn't want him to destroy every cell in your body after all.

"So I take the couch?" 

"Yes do not expect me to be a gentleman, that couch is too small for my frame, be grateful I took you along and you're getting to sleep on this couch or I'm pretty sure you'd be in a cell right now getting interrogated by those folks in costume if it wasn't for me" 

"You have a costume too" you mumbled meekly and he glared at you

"It's pure asgardian leather and I'm a god you dull creature, keep your mouth shut until I give you permission" 

He told you strictly and you nodded as your eyes teared up. You slept on the couch, wondering what you have gotten yourself into and what he was going to do with you. 

Loki laid down on the bed , it has enough room to fit two bodies but there's no way he was going to share the space with a mortal. At first he was hesitant to bring you along with him but now after giving it much thought he had realized that he could use a fragile mortal for his mission. 

Next day when you woke up, you found him sitting on the bed with the cube thingy and he was just staring at it.

"Ummm good morning" you mumbled as you got up but he didn't respond

"I need clothes and stuff" 

"You have clothes" he responded and you looked at him confused

"I can't wear this everyday" he rolled his eyes and you both went out to buy some clothes. You figured that he must have cast the illusion again, it was really scary that he could do that but then he was an alien god

"So what's midgard?" You asked him as he kept using that term

"What have I told you about keeping that hole shut until I permit you to speak? Do you have a death wish?" He asked you and you shook your head. He told you to get everything you'd need and then he took you back, you ran straight for the bathroom.

You thought about the last week and how sweet he was to you, you should have known that he was playing you, why would someone like him even be interested in you? After you came out all showered and dressed up, he went inside and slammed the door shut behind him. You don't know why you thought he wouldn't need to use the bathroom, being an alien and all.

"Don't even think of running" you gasped as you heard his voice in your head. He could do this too? You sighed and sat down on the couch and turned the tv on since he destroyed your phone, you stopped on an American news channel and the news shocked you to say the least.

"Y/n Y/l/n , an accomplice of the asgardian terrorist Loki is now missing after freeing him from the highly secured Stark's tower" you didn't hear anything after that. You were on the news, your face was plastered on an international news channel, not that you had any life before but now it was definitely over, either you'd die by his hands or spend your whole life in jail. 

"Accomplice? You mortals are so pathetic, as if a god would need your help" your eyes teared up as you heard him. Why was he so cruel to you? He tricked you and not vice versa. 

He walked over to you and grabbed your chin with his fingers and made you look up at him

"Are you betrothed to someone?" He asked you and you didn't understand what he meant

"You mean like engaged?" 

"Yes, answer the question" 

"Nooo why" you asked him confused and then his action confused you even more.

He kissed you.

💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚

Taglist (let me know if interested)

@michelleleewise @el-zef @mcufan72

@xorpsbane @christineblood @asgardianprincess1050 @123forgottherest @ladymischief11 @elenaysusneuras @daddylokisqueen @xpixiedevilx @dopeqff

[sugarxlumps]

Can't Help It

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Hey guys! Oml I promise, I'll do other characters after this :') I just couldn't help myself, Gojo Satoru has my heart

Note: Image is not mine, Gojo as a character also isn't my own :)

WARNINGS: degredation, choking, mating press, hot smut ;)

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He was too much; Gojo Satoru. He knew too much. Too much of how to get a rise out of you, leaving you flustered and stammering, and you knew this. The moment he got too close to getting you melt at his touch, his long teasing fingers brushing against your thigh, the way he slid his hand at the small of your back to make his way through, even when there was all the space in the world. As he moved past, you could barely make out that he said "Excuse me, miss", his warm breath hitting your ear as he grazed by you, causing you to shiver visibly and your breath hitch. Your head whipped around to follow his steps as he walked away from you. He used any excuse to lay his hands on you. Which is exactly why you avoided him like the plague.

Only when it was absolutely necessary did you ever interact with him, attempting to avoid his dangerously sweet touches that wreaked havoc on your body as it was. You could only imagine how euphoric his hands would feel on the rest of your body, especially to your neglected cunt that’s been craving attention… his attention specifically. You've tried to extinguish the fire in your body that craves his cock at night yourself, but it just isn't the same.

But of course Gojo knew this; making his way back home from missions and he hears you with your windows open. But your avoidance of him definitely doesn't go unnoticed either. You train 1:1 with Nanami twice a week; not being a direct student of his own, it's surprising he commits that much time to you along with the other things he's got going on. Training days are the days that Gojo grumbles about as he could think of a much better use of that time "Damn, I could be making her scream right now” He finds himself murmuring aloud. But with the strings he's pulled on Nanami, you won't be able to avoid him any longer and he'll have you all to himself.

_____________

"What? That doesn't even make any sense, why would they do that?" You questioned Nanami in annoyance, clear to hear through the speaker of his phone.

"I'm the wrong person to be asking that, y/n. I'm in no mood to debate this. I won't be coming back until next week, so just take the week off." Nanami huffed, his tone almost apologetic; he knew how dedicated you were to training.

You sighed in annoyance. "No. You know I can't do that."

"Okay, then ask Gojo."

You froze, a silence coming over the line. "Y/n?"

"No. I can't do that either." You clenched you teeth. Damn, did you really have to? Of course, he just had to be the only teacher left.

"Then I don't know what to tell you, y/n. It's either him, or take the week off" And with that, Nanami fared you goodbye through the speaker and hung up.

Well damn, this is the true test of dedication huh? Well just no fun and games then you thought to yourself. You gotta get to work. You commit reluctantly, your body already tensing up.

After hesitating, I finally dial Gojo and a few rings go by until you hear his familiar voice.

"Hey there pretty. Now to what do I owe the pleasure?" Gojo teases. You gulp at the nickname, but roll your eyes as if to convince yourself.

"Look, just calling to see if you can train with me this week. Usual times I do with Nanami. Yes or no?" You ask plainly.

Gojo chuckles over the speaker, his husky voice sending shivers to your spine. "Jeez, so cut and dry huh? I might do with some manners, y/n" He remarks playfully, his plans already falling into place. He knows you'd try to be acting like the straightest arrow with him, but he knows just how to make you crumble.

You huff before speaking again. "Can you train with me this week… please" You ask hesitantly.

"There, see? Not too bad, right?" You can hear the smirk in his voice, imagining that damned wicked smirk of his that could make your breath hitch.

"8:30 tonight, my place"

"Y-you're place?" You stutter a bit, not expecting him to offer his place. "Why not the studio?"

"Don't worry, I've got one at my place. You forget who I am, doll." He purrs the nickname, making you part your mouth and a small flame ignite in your core. "I'm the greatest sorcerer after all; work hard play hard all from the comfort of my own home."

You think it over. I mean I guess it'd be closer to home than training on campus, a plus since training gets excruciating to walk home from.

"Okay, fine. I'll be there" You huff. You hang up and sigh once more. This should be interesting.

_____________

You wince in pain, as your body thuds to the floor from where Gojo had knocked you back. You're quick to get up, holding the side of your waist.

"You've got quite the fire there, sweetness" He smirks, shifting his glasses down to wink at you. He's been shooting flirty remarks all through session, only 30 minutes having passed with you two sparring and it's getting you irritated. But only at the fact that he knows just what to say to get you all riled up with heat rising to your cheeks.

You lunge at him again, but he grabs your arm to pull your body in and spinning you around to face him. He's pinned one hand behind your back and holding your other by your wrist, pinning it to his chest. "You're getting ahead of yourself, y/n. You're becoming a little predictable. Loosen up a bit, hm sweetie?" He breathes on your lips, grazing too dangerously close to them as wetness begins to drip from your cunt.

You try to compose yourself, and annoyance overcomes you once again. You elbow him and swing at him again, this time imbuing cursed energy into your fist as it burns black, preparing for a black flash.

He swiftly catches your fist in his, the power of the contact between your swing and his hand causing the wall behind him to cave into a dent. He grips your wrists and turns your back to him as he pulls you up against his chest, your head hitting his shoulder.

You grunt in pain at the contact.

"Gotta admit that burned a little, princess" He growled into your ear, only sending more of your slick gushing to your pussy and threatening to leak through your panties and onto your thighs. "I might have to punish you for that one."

"Gojo, please." Your voice cracks. You weren't even sure of what you were pleading for; for him to continue? For him to stop? You couldn't help yourself any longer, and it was all lost upon you now as you could feel the hardness of his bulge through his pants grinding up against you.

"Please what y/n? Want me to stop? Or keep going? You're going to have to be specific with me darling" He suggests, his grip on your wrists tightening and grinding his hard-on harder against you, the contact almost lifting up your skirt itself. You groan unconsciously at the feeling of how big he was with his pants still constricting him, giving Gojo the answer he already knew, but he wanted it spilling from your lips specifically.

"P-please, don't stop" You gasp as he nips at your neck, sucking harshly only to lick at the tender spot as if to heal it. His hand releases your wrists to grope your breasts through your uniform, slowly unbuttoning the jacket and throwing it aside.

"That's what I like to hear" Gojo chuckles darkly in your ear, ripping the rest of the top of your uniform off, revealing your bra. He unhooks it swiftly, letting your tits drop bare in front of him as he gazes down at them.

"Shit, y/n" He breathes, quick to roll them between his fingers as he continues to trail kisses down your neck and licks stripes up to your ear, eliciting lewd moans from you. He dips his hand between your legs, running a finger along your clothed folds, feeling your slick instantly.

"Damn baby, all for me? Is this how wet you are when you're touching yourself at night moaning my name?" He seethes, his voice making you tremble and you cheeks flush pink at embarrassment that he could hear you all this time trying to relieve your thirst for him and his touch. You could do nothing but moan in admittance.

He chuckles at your response. He hooks his fingers around your skirt and the hem of your panties, sliding them both off in unison. He turns you around to face him, wanting to see the look on your face when he finally touches you in the spot you needed him most.

He doesn't wait to slide two of his fingers into you, your slick walls clenching desperately around his digits as you moan and gasp loudly at the unexpected stretch and sting from him entering you just with his fingers. You clutch onto his arm tightly, mentally cursing to yourself why you're the one completely naked while he's here still fully clothed.

"See baby? Look at you" Gojo groans into your ear at the tightness of your pussy clenching around his fingers, already anticipating how you'll feel wrapped around his cock that's straining painfully against his pants. "Making such a mess on my fingers, and I've barely done anything" He begins to pump his fingers, curling them to hit your sweet spot repeatedly with dangerous accuracy. You moan loudly at the sensation, heat continuing to build in your core and your body tingling.

"G-gojo" You pant breathlessly, clutching onto him for dear life as your legs give out, leaning on him for support, silently thanking him for being as strong as he is.

"Mmm" He groans at how sinful you moan his name. "Such a good girl for me"

Your pussy clenches tighter around his digits, pushing him to add a third as you yelp at the stinging stretch, now clawing at the back of his neck.

Gojo laughs sadistically, "So you want me to talk to you like that, huh?" He asks rhetorically, your body and moans already agreeing.

He continues the thrust his fingers into you, curling them against your walls to graze perfectly on your sweet spot, bringing you closer to the relief you've been craving since you laid eyes on him.

"G-gojo… I-I'm.. I'm gonna" You try to say, but the words fail to gather together in a coherent sentence.

"What's that y/n? What do you need?" He urges on, only thrusting his fingers faster into you to push you over the edge.

"Oh my god, Satoru! I-I'm cumming!" You moan, cutting you off as he presses his lips hungrily to yours to swallow your moans. You bite his lip, causing a moan to escape his own lips. He hungrily massages your breast as he continues to finger you to ride out your orgasm as you trembling in front of him at his touch. You were his.

He gives you a moment to recollect yourself and catch your breath, showering you with feather-light kisses down your collarbone.

"Please Satoru… I need you" You whisper, desire pooling in your eyes and dripping in your tone as you palm his hard-on through his pants that twitches under your touch.

"Since you asked so nicely…" He smirks, that damn smirk that makes your knees weak as he continues to hold you up. He clasps his hand together to warp you both, and within a blink of an eye your surroundings are no longer that of the studio, but of his room; dark with only the moonlight shining through big elegant windows.

"How can I deny such a request, when you're this hot and bothered?" He caresses your face, cupping it in his hand as he runs his thumb over the bottom of your lip. "Such a pretty slut for me" He growls lowly.

At that, your pussy clenches again, sending heat to your core and biting down on his thumb, earning a groan from him. He quickly puts a hand to your throat, squeezing the sides of it enough to have your head to nod back slightly and your eyes flutter behind your eyelids as you moan.

"Mm so you want it like that?" He laughs as he swiftly picks you up to set you down on the bed.

"You dirty little thing" He licks his lips at the sight of you finally splayed out on his bed for him as he unbuttons his uniform and unbuckling his pants, discarding them to the floor only to leave him clad in his briefs.

You drool at the sight of him, both your mouth and your pussy watering at the sight of him strip in front of you. The sight you've been waiting for, for what feels like ages now. Your eyes rake over his figure as you prop yourself on your elbows. Looking over how muscular and toned his muscles are with each movement he makes, how big the bulge in his briefs are, how massive his bare frame is to yours, and how celestial his eyes are as he devours your own figure with such dark lust and desire, making heat only ignite further within you.

He pushes his way through your thighs, settling himself between them as he kisses trails from your thighs to your navel, and reaching your breasts to suck on your nipple tenderly, kneading them between his teeth. You arch your back at the sensation, entangling your fingers in his silver hair as you gasp and your brows furrow. His hand massages your breast and travels down to cup your cunt, his fingers grazing the opening of your folds. He lowers his head down between your thighs, taking in the sight of your glistening pussy that he's gotten all to himself.

"F-fuck, Satoru, just -" You plead, but before you could finish he puts a hand to your throat harshly.

"Patience, princess" He seethes, giving kitten licks to the outer folds of your cunt just for a taste. "Now that I finally have you, I'm taking my time. Besides, isn't this what you wanted? For me to have my way with you?" He smirks as you glance down at him, regretting that you did. The devilish glint hazing over his eyes sending heat waves to your pussy. He finally delves his tongue through your folds without warning and settling to suck on your throbbing clit as he enters two fingers into you, pumping and curling them.

You thrash your head back, clawing at his forearms and shoulders as he pries your thighs a part with his hands. You feel the familiar wave of an orgasm beginning to wash over you again as he continues to curl his fingers into your g-spot and circle his slick tongue around your clit, quenching his thirst with the juices of your cunt as he laps up every last drop.

"Mmm… Satoru, I-I'm close" You warn him, your body becoming a feverish mess as you claw at him desperately, as Gojo smirks at the thought of having such marks in the morning as a reminder of tonight.

"Are you now?" He immediately pulls away, leaving you to throw your head back and groan in frustration, taking your eyes off him for a brief moment enough for him to remove his briefs. The next time you look back at him, your eyes widen hungrily at his cock, adoring how perfect it looks, yet wondering if it'd even fit.

"Don't worry, baby. Daddy's gonna take very good care of you tonight" He purrs, sliding back between you , kissing and sucking the sweet spot of your neck.

"But you have to be the one to tell me exactly what you want" He adds with a chuckle, clearly amused at how you pout slightly, so desperate to have him inside you as you tug on his waist lightly in attempt to pull him closer to you.

He nudges the tip of his cock at your entrance as he lowers his head to graze his lips against yours. "C'mon y/n, you can do it. Tell me what you've been wanting this whole time, baby" He teases raspily, the same hunger in his voice also evident as he tries to hold himself back.

"Please fuck me Satoru" He whimper, surrendering completely as you wrap your arms around his broad shoulders.

With that, he delves his cock through your tight folds, gripping and clenching around every inch of him as he eventually bottoms out, causing you to moan in unison.

"Damn, your pussy's taking my cock so fucking well baby" He grunts as he continues to thrust into you at a powerful pace. "What a perfect slut you make" He smiles cockily, slamming roughly into you as moans continue to fall from your lips. "That's right princess, let the whole school know who fucks you this good" He urges

Your eyes roll behind your eyelids at the euphoric sensation of Gojo stretching you out, filling you up so well that you see a slight bulge in your stomach when he thrusts into you, hitting your cervix and your g-spot every time. The sounds of your hips crashing and the sounds your pussy makes as he thrusts into you mercilessly are too much, already feeling heat building up in your core once again.

"You've been so desperate for my cock, isn't that right princess? Look at you, screaming and begging for me to fuck you like a bitch in heat" He seethes, lowering himself to suck harshly on your nipple, causing you to arch your back as he looks back up at you "How does it feel now that you've got the real thing?" He asks, pushing further into your as your legs press against his shoulders, folding them more onto your chest as he continues to pump his cock into you, pressing into your cervix.

You moan loudly at how deep he hits you, his adjustment causing his cock to hit deeper on your g-spot, your orgasm approaching embarrassingly quick. You continue to moan thoughtlessly, your mind too hazy to begin formulating a response. He puts a hand to your throat and picks up his pace slightly, making you yelp and gasp.

"I demand an answer, pretty" He growls this time, his eyes hungry with desire to hear you fall apart for him.

"Y-yes Satoru! It feels so fucking good!" You cry out, tears now dripping across your cheeks. "Satoru, please." You whimper, "I-I'm gonna cum"

"Cum baby, give it to me" He groans, thrusting relentlessly a couple more times until you unravel before him, completely becoming undone as you claw at his back in desperation, only fueling him more to continue thrusting deep into you to ride out your second orgasm of the night. Once he feels you slightly relax under him, he folds you over more, completely this time. With knees pressed back into the mattress, giving him all and complete access to your pussy to pound it just how he likes, how he's always wanted to.

He groans to keep himself together, close from cumming at this sight alone at how beautiful you look beneath him. "Damn sweetness, you've got me riled up here." he pants, his eyes cast with lust and carnal desire as he looks at you. " Do you know how long I've been waiting to touch you like this? To fuck you like this?" He caresses your jaw, his fingers trailing down to your collarbone and down to your breast to roll your nipple in his fingers. He dips down to connect his lips greedily to yours, emotions spilling out into the kiss as your tongues swirl around each other, everything all at once making you dizzy as you moan sweetly into his mouth, tugging at his hair to elicit a moan to slip from his own as it vibrates against your lips. "To kiss you like that" He says huskily, desire overcoming him.

He pushes himself into you, your walls suffocating around his cock as he groans at the feeling of it. Your mouth parts in a silent scream, sure that you wouldn’t be able to walk tomorrow with how he’s stretching you out. He's thrusting even deeper into you now, with more raw, carnal desire than before if it were even possible. You mouth parts as you moan loudly without any regards as to who hears you. Your sopping pussy squelching as he slams his hips into yours, the sight of him fucking you into oblivion as his bright blue eyes devour yours, licking his lips ravenously.

"Satoru" You moan sinfully, so much so Gojo has to bite his lip to stop his own eyes from rolling to the back of his eyelids.

"G-gojo, it's t-too much" You moan, putting a hand lightly to his abdomen in a failed attempt to get him to slow down. You've cum so hard, you've never even brought yourself to cum this intensely, this many times consecutively.

"Too much, huh? Already fucked out on my cock, sweetness?" He chuckles, yet adoring the sight of you fucked out on his cock. All you could do was nod and whimper in response.

"Too bad, baby. You think I'm gonna stop here after I've heard you moaning my name so many times by yourself? Such a needy slut" He whispers salaciously into your ear, grunting occasionally with how rough he's pounding himself into you.

Your pussy clenches at his words, more tears streaming down your cheeks with nothing but moans of his name and curses from your lips calling out to him. He wipes them away gently, a harsh contrast to how hard he continues to slam his thick cock into you, a contrast to how his infinite blue eyes pierce into you.

"That's right, y/n." He smiles "You'll take it all like a good girl, right?" He licks a stripe up your nick to nibble on a sweet spot by your collarbone, causing you to only moan louder. "Let everyone know who's fucking cunt this is" He growls lowly. He slips two fingers into your open mouth, your tongue and mouth sucking on them instinctively. He groans at the sight of you like this, folded over sucking on his fingers as saliva trails down the side of your mouth, your eyes and body surrendering to him completely as he dedicates this moment to memory.

"You're mine, princess" He remarks possessively before removing his fingers from your mouth, a string of saliva still connecting from your lips to the tip of his digits. He brings them down to rub small circles on your throbbing neglected clit, causing you to scream in desperation and euphoria, your back arching to him slightly in the position you're in. You're pussy grips even tighter around his cock at his possessive words making you his. Another wave of pleasure begins washing over you, threatening to push you off a new edge as he drives you near the brink of being overstimulated.

"Fuck, good girl, just like that" He pants, as he continues thrust unforgivingly into you.

"Satoru, p-please!" You moan loudly, almost screaming desperately for him, only to for him to cut you off with a hand to your throat. "Say it, baby. Tell daddy what you need" He exhales, eyes engulfing yours completely.

"Please make me cum" You mewl, a couple of more tears streaming down your face as your body is on the brink of uncoiling the spring that he's wound up so tightly. He slamming himself into you in a slightly faster pace, his thrusts getting sloppier as you feel his cock twitch inside of you, indicating he was also close to his own climax.

"Fuck baby, cum for me" He demands, finally allowing your body to release the most intense waves of orgasm you've ever felt, your body on a new high as he continues to thrust into you, your climax fueling his own to follow after. He slows and stills into you, his cock still twitching as he coats the last of his cum along the walls of your cunt.

He removes himself slowly with a groan, laying beside you and quick to pull you to his chest.

"No more avoiding me, okay?" He exhales raspily, gently moving your hair down from your shoulders to place a kiss there.

"Okay" You hum happily as you nuzzle deeper into his chest, fatigue overcoming you as you both lay together.

[parchmentedpetrichor]

➳all the king's men ♡ ☾

in which all the king's men couldn't put the pieces of y/n l/n together. we all have the days where we're insecure and broken, this is one of hers.

fred weasley x fem!reader

word count: ±1.8k

tw: insecurity, bullying

please if you are having overly harmful thoughts about yourself, talk to a friend or a professional. you are perfect the way you are and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

drop a follow if you wanna see more of this content!!

my masterlist:D

it's so sad that the best people tend to think the worst of themselves

all the king's men

y/n, for lack of a better description, was feeling like humpty dumpty. she had seen herself in the mirror last night, and felt positively traumatised. she had come back from a quidditch practice session, and the results were quite terrifying.

she didn't understand. quidditch made the guys more toned and even a few of her teammates had abs. what did it do to her? well, it made her shoulders broad, which she thought was highly unattractive to anyone, and not at all slim! sure, it was fun and kept her fit, but terribly horrible, in her opinion, in trying to fit in to the beautiful girls that went to hogwarts.

she admired angie johnson and cho chang and ginny. she really did. y/n knew how hard it was to be beautiful, and she liked when other people were so beautifully beautiful. it just made her feel terrible, because what was the chance of her keeping her boyfriend in fred weasley when fiercely pretty girls were dancing elegantly around her?

there wasn't any time to be mopey and sad, so she gathered all her books and immediately went to breakfast. she didn't even bother going over to fred and greeting him. she saw how happy he was laughing with george and lee. surely she wouldn't bother him. instead she plopped down next to alicia.

"you ok?" alicia spinnet asked her.

she nodded, "fine."

"you sure?"

"no."

"wanna talk about it?"

"do you think it's too early to get plastic surgery?" y/n joked in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"what the fuck, no. what's up?" alicia's eyes were lit with concern.

"i don't feel pretty," her voice was but a whisper.

alicia caught it.

"why? you're literally adorable."

"you're my best friend, you're supposed to tell me that."

"hmm, nah, i truly believe it."

"well i don't," y/n said miserably.

"oi, l/n, your hair down today?" adrian pucey snarled, "it's gonna give me aids."

a few students snorted.

"you can get aids then. shut your mouth," y/n retorted back.

the whole school look startled. was this the same, prefect, goody-two-shoes y/n l/n?

adrian pucey opened his mouth.

"i said shut. your. mouth."

fred weasley watched in a mixture of furiousness and pride. he knew that pucey had a crush on y/n too. he was just terrible in expressing it. fred didn't like the way y/n's eyes sadly flitted to alicia afterwards. and she hadn't come up to him and given him a kiss today. maybe she just wanted a bit of space??

"see?" y/n sighed, "not even my hair is pretty." she tied it up.

alicia laughed, "adrian just wants your attention."

that made y/n laugh. "why? why?" it was a rhetorical question. she got up, and smiled at adrian in the most menacing way that he shrunk.

"miss l/n, your outburst was quite rude-" snape began.

"my apologies professor, of course, i was in the wrong. adrian pucey brought the topic surrounding my hair up, called it ugly. now what would you do if a student called your hair ugly?" y/n said, eyes burning with fury but conscience too good to lose her temper.

"i-i would give them a scolding."

"likewise. good day, professor."

"fucking hell, he is such a sh-" alicia muttered as she got up and followed y/n out to class.

"ali, that's enough," their retreating voices could be heard.

fred kept his eye on y/n through the day, giving her the space he thought she needed.

she looked very like her normal self, until she encountered pucey again.

"l/n, nice squinty eyes," pucey laughed.

y/n's shoulders sagged. her eyes dimmed and she let her ponytail fall in front of her face.

"ponytail won't fix them," he laughed meanly, "can they fix your dumpling body?"

fred frowned deeply, "fuck off, adrian," he angrily said, "that's my girlfriend you're talking to."

"oh, you have someone like weasley to save you? i don't even think you deserve him as a boyfriend."

y/n didn't answer, fearing that tears would spill out of her eyes. she had just been feeling worse and worse about herself. instead, when the bell signalled the end of classes, she hurried quickly off to wherever, trying to pull herself together.

she felt like she was at the bottom of the earth. her eyes finally let go of the tears that needed to be spilt. she leant sobbing against a stout tree in the forbidden forest, head slumped gloomily against the trunk, eyes trying to find anything, anything, that could be remotely comforting and hands fiddling nervously with the flowers that bloomed happily around her. her whole body shook in anxiety. she wished she had her mum or dad here to help her. but they were back at home.

how did fred love her?

she wished she didn't have stupid hair or squinty eyes or a dumpling body. but she couldn't ignore the mean, yet so true, remarks about her body adrian made. they were morally wrong and he deserved to be stabbed, but they were factual. she used to just laugh and joke about him too, but now she realised that maybe she should pay more attention to the way she eats and works and the way she talks and looks and presents herself and put more makeup on and-

fred found her crying there, by the little pond, shrinking away from the mere sight of her own appearance. he didn't get it.

well, he did, but he didn't know why such a beautiful girl like his girlfriend was crying.

"y/n?"

she flinched and stopped crying.

"sorry, i'll leave. i don't think you want a dumpling of a girlfriend sharing this nice space," she attempted to joke, but it fell short. she wasn't joking anymore. her tone was serious and genuine. the unexpected good nature pucey's remarks were received in usually was gone, and for good reason. it had broken her into the tiniest little pieces.

fred felt it. he felt his heart stop.

"is this about what pucey said to you, lovely?" he asked gently, cupping her cheek, and pulling her close to him.

she nodded, feeling immensely better already. the smell of him made her calm down insanely.

"so you don't want space?"

"n-no, i was just..." she trailed off uncertainly.

"mhm?" he looked at her and waited.

"it's silly."

"well, it's got you crying, i don't think so."

"the stuff a-adrian says is true," her voice was quiet and small.

fred frowned.

"i'm not cute or elegant or even hot," she continued, "i-i'm not as pretty as anyone here."

"well, my little love, if my opinion even matters, you are stunning. i think you're the prettiest person in the world, both on skin and in here," he patted his own heart, "do you know how long i pined after you?"

"no?"

"i'm still pining after you, gorgeous."

"d-do you mean it when you say gorgeous?" her eyes were broken and teary.

"of course. it hurts me when you are upset. because you are gorgeous and much more because you are so nice and good to me and to everyone else too. pucey's a complete shithead and when i next see him i will bash his head in. i'm so sorry i didn't notice, love, i thought you were mad at me."

"no it's fine, i just don't understand. you're fred weasley. so many girl's want you and you-you choose...me?," a sad frown was etched on her face, her tone confused.

"y/n, you're my only choice. i don't want the other girls. i can see the appeal of you. i-i know i'm not the best with words like you, but i really care about you. i love you, i adore you, you're the bestest person i've ever met."

and he knows he's brought the happiness back in her. she giggled. he felt relieved, because he knew he wasn't good at all at comforting people and y/n was so special to him- why didn't he say that earlier to her?

"bestest isn't a word, freddie."

"well you get what i mean, right? you're really special to me," there it was.

she nodded slowly, a small smile forming on her lips as she kissed him on the lips, before snuggling closer to him.

"darling, wouldn't you rather go back to the castle to cuddle?"

hesitantly, she shook her head.

"why?"

"'drian's there."

"adrian cannot hurt you, okay? whatever he tells you is wrong. he's wrong," he gently says, pulling her close to him, "besides, if he does, i'm here, and you're strong."

"i just cried about it, i can't be strong."

"crying doesn't mean you're weak, darling, sometimes we all cry and that's okay."

y/n nodded.

"here, i brought this for you, maybe it's a comfort??" he blushed as he handed her his quidditch hoodie.

she grinned and put it on.

he couldn't stop blushing at the sight of her, so he tilted his face away to save himself the embarrassment.

noticing and mistaking his turned away head for disgust, y/n took the hoodie off, downcastedly handing it back to him.

"sorry," she gave a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes as fred looked at her in confusion.

"y-you can have it back, yeah, there's no need to hide your shame, here, s-sorry," she stuttered out.

"shame?" he asked, looking worriedly down at her.

"mhm," she fiddled with the hem of her shirt, "sorry."

he finally understood.

"angel, look at me."

she reluctantly looked up at him.

"i wasn't feeling disgusted at all. i-i was actually embarrassed because i was blushing," his cheeks heated up again, "like i probably am right now. you're too beautiful. i was blushing too much."

"oh."

"yeah. now put it back on," he demanded, as he cheekily tugged the jumper over her head, blushing again as he saw her standing there in his jumper.

"c'mon!" he said, carrying y/n's school bag as they made their way to the castle, his arm wrapped protectively around his waist and the bright gold letters on the back of his sweater shining for anyone and everyone to see.

they didn't see pucey, thank goodness and they ended up talking with george and katie bell and angie and alicia by the fire.

as y/n smiled and giggled with katie over something highly scandalous, fred had his eyes on her, not so much monitoring her, but he couldn't keep them off of her.

when he had noticed her words start to become short and slightly slurred by tiredness, he lead her back to her dormitory.

"feeling better princess?"

she nodded, "you're so good to me, freddie. i love you."

it made his heart swell with happiness.

"i'd go to the moon and back for you, y/n."

she smiled drowsily, "and i, you."

[tannieschim]

when the camellia blooms | pjm

park jimin x kim! reader | 1 | 2

sypnosis: diagnosed with the hanahaki disease, you had only two options - accept a deathly fate, or never love again. 

genre: au, angst, fluff, humor, friends to lovers? maybe.

warnings: many talks of death and dying, minor character death, pain, unrequited love, swearing, talks of past sexual experience while intoxicated, pining, longing, really sad reader, and lots of angst.

word count: 7.2 k

"you would die for her, for him."

"You're dying."

The two words escape past his lips steadily and breathily as your widening eyes linger on the way his hands fiddle with one another out of habit. He sighs deeply and resists the urge to avoid screaming at you and maintain eye contact out of professionalism, pushing back his slipping glasses.

"At this rate, you won't have any more than a month. Had you told me this sooner, y/n, the results wouldn't have been as scarce. But because you waited after almost a year of this, I'm afraid there's not much to do." He pushes his desk lightly to pull away from it, creating a mere distance between himself and the papers which finalized your future's passing. Reaching his collar, he tugs on his tie to loosen it before unbuttoning the first stitch as he looks at you with seemingly stray and angered eyes mixed with sympathy.

Suddenly, his sight wanders the room as he shakes his head repeatedly, scoffing in disbelief. He then smiles, dimples prominent, lip tightened, eyebrows furrowed, and eyes broken, piercing straight at its target - that being you.

Standing up, he takes off his glasses and slams his fist onto the chair's arm rest before running a hand across his hair, softly hissing.

The professionalism is now out of the drain, "You're an idiot, y/n."

"Fucking stupid. How could you not- I mean- how could you not tell me? I'm your brother! We're family. Blood. We're supposed to- we're supposed to tell each other these things and you just fucking- you kept it to yourself all these months! Ten months! And now I'm sitting here being the one to tell you that you're dying? That you're leaving me? I would've done something. I would've helped you, I- I would've killed whoever this person you're in love with is. y/n, please- I just-"

You don't know why, but you felt exhausted.

The ringing in your ears is deafening. Truthfully, you hadn't heard a single thing the minute you received news that you'll be, well, passing away. Not to mention, within 30 days time.

It's not as if you didn't already know about your condition, of course you did. Coughing soft pink camellia flowers every time you see the man that's brought you here is not exactly something that just simply passes a blind eye. You sense it, you feel it, and it hurts.

It really, really hurts.

You also felt awful for your brother. You hadn't meant for it to go this far. You didn't mean to not tell him. You didn't want your assigned doctor to suddenly call in sick and have your brother temporarily take his place. You didn't mean for him to find out this way - such a twisted, horrible fucking way, but here you are.

"I'm sorry, Joon. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for this to go this far. I just-"

"Were you ever even going to tell me?" He cuts you off, voice low and steady, almost afraid of your coming response.

Your eyes locate his across the cramped room, and one could clearly tell that it's striving its hardest to fight against desperate tears.

"I- yes, Joon. I was. Of course I was. I was gonna do it after this check in actually, but I guess God wanted you to find out sooner than I intended, though He could've just waited a little while longer and it would've been fine." You joke whisperingly, the heavy weight of your heart lightening just a small bit when you notice the corners of his lips twitch and his eyes faintly soften.

Regrettably, that was a lie. You didn’t plan on telling him, not today at least. Maybe not even ever.

The softening air lasts for only a second as his following question makes you hold back the urge to cough up another camellia flower slowly blooming its way to your throat.

"Who is it?"

Genuine, concerned, curious. These were all that he was.

But noticing the way your body went entirely rigid at his words and the way your hand clutched your clothed chest in attempt to shut down what you know will happen next, Namjoon's brotherly instincts causes him to naturally make his way towards you softly, taking small and careful strides towards your fragile state.

And once he's finally reached you, he gets on his knees gently in order for him to be of nearing same height level as you're sitting down, his hands rubbing the back of your hand in a comforting manner.

He does this all before pulling the trigger.

"Who are you in love with, y/n?"

two years back

"Jimin!"

You call out your brother's best friend loudly, who is currently in the midst of doing a one-man stage play in front of the mirror, "Joon's saying you guys need to get going now. Says he has a patient in two hours and wants to go over all sorts of documents before treating her."

Turning around, you scan the living room and dining room for the keys of your friend's car as your brother also asked you to hand them to him since the two always end up on forgetting it until they've already reached the car parked across your apartment's block.

You hear Jimin shuffle behind you, "Really? He wants to go over documents at- 9 AM in the morning?"

Smiling at his attempts of complaint, you nod your head softly in order to play along and answer his rhetorical question, "He really needs to learn how to drive doesn't he? Since he's dragging you along everywhere he goes."

Jimin laughs at your statement, which being an opinion, your brother would argue, 'driving isn't a necessary aspect of life.' But who really thinks like that? Oh right, non-drivers.

“I guess he’s getting too caught up in learning medicine that he forgot to learn how to officially become an adult.” Reaching above the kitchen top, you finally found sight of Jimin's car keys.

How did it even get up there? You think to yourself. It's really high up, so Namjoon must've been the one to leave it as to where it is.

You groan slightly, "Joon, can you get over here! I found Chim's keys but it's too far up high so I can't reach it. Hell I don't even think he can reach this-"

You are cut off when you feel a hand sneak around your waist, making you flinch and suddenly spin cautiously.

Eyes widened. Lips parted. Breath hitched. You let out an inaudible gasp as you come to the realization that Jimin is now in front of you, head tilted with an amused smile on his face, "Excuse you? I can very much reach this." He says, all the while reaching up behind you, inchly leaning forward. At this point, your body is being pressed up against the kitchen counter and his oh-so-very toned front.

This small action is enough to instigate a flaming abyss inside of you as you very much attempt to calm your alarmed heart.

You can feel the cuts and lines of his abs against your chest as he is now standing on his tippy toes, desperately trying to reach the keys on the kitchen top. Anyone that could see his posture would call him adorable, but your body is currently being sandwiched and by all that is high and mighty your mind can't even really process a single thing. Wait, what were you thinking just now?

"See? Got it." Jimin falls back in place as he jiggles his car keys in front of your stone-cold face, smile wide as he giggles softly, "Piece of cake, y/n."

He then proceeds to move on with his life like he didn't just do what the fuck he just did.

Clearing your throat, you blink about a million times in order to gather your thoughts. Your heartbeat is racing faster than the speed of light and your lips have become as dry as a desert. If you had gone standing on your tippy toes just as he did, you would've been a baby hair away from lips touching. The thought is enough to make you grow weak.

Yet as if something inside of you is suddenly turned on, no pun intended, you remind yourself that these thoughts are wrong. You can't be having these apprehensions, they aren't right. Because not only is he your brother's best friend, he also has a-

"y/n?" Jimin's soft voice calls out your name.

Breaking out of your trance, you turn to see him sitting down on the dining table, head tilted downwards with a small smile on his face. The sun escapes your pastel curtains as it slips past the window sill, reasoning with the current ray of golden yellow that has found its home on Jimin’s plump cheek, shining on the left side of his luminous face.

It's absolutely senseless how he can look as beautiful as he does simply by existing, and it makes perfect sense that your finding yourself to liking him more and more.

Just look at him.

You are broken out of your enchanted daze once more as dreaded words leave his smiling lips, "I'm gonna ask her to marry me."

Only then were you brought back to your inadequate reality.

“W- what?” You attempt to speak, but you notice the way your voice has suddenly become noticeably hoarse.

Jimin looks up at you with a smile, the kind that has his eyes almost disappearing.

“Sung. I’m gonna ask her to marry me tonight.”

silence.

silence.

and more silence.

Like a coward, that was all what you could muster to respond with.

And only then did you notice the velvet box on his hands, upon which he is tenderly caressing. Only then did you recognize the questionable romantic script of his one-man stage just moments earlier. Only then did you realize that the reason behind his growing smile are because of her, not you. Not because of what had just taken place.

Only then did you remember that no, you can't be having these apprehensions - they aren't right.

Because not only is he your brother's best friend,

he also has a, now upcoming, fiancé.

present time

"I already loved him then, Joon."

By this time, your brother has stood up and begun pacing back and forth the modest office, murmurs of curses towards his friend escaping past his lips, "-that small son of a bitch."

Smiling softly, you look down in reminiscence of the moments you have spent falling for Jimin. "I guess I've always been infatuated with him ever since our first meeting, but my God Joonie," you pause, inhaling a short breath in attempt to stop tears threatening to spill. "-ever since that day, when he told me that he was going to propose to her, I finally realized that like was the wrong term to use. I realized that I loved him and I just- I lost sight of everything." You cry, small sobs coming from you as you blinkingly look up to try to contain the waters forming in your eyes.

It was true. That day, when he told you about his plans to ask her to marry him, you've never felt more indignant.

Of course you faked it at first, congratulated him and consoled him into truthfully believing that she will undoubtedly say yes. But the minute he and Namjoon left your apartment, you collapsed on your carpeted floors, sobbing loudly and hitting your chest repetitively all the while cursing yourself in your head for ever even considering the tiniest of possibilities that you and Jimin could ever happen.

You also went out that night, got drunk, found a guy, slept with him, and never looked back.

Sure, this may seem like a regular night out for many, but not being the type to kiss and sleep, sex meant a lot to you.

Nothing wrong with one night stands, that just wasn't your particular chosen lifestyle. But you were wasted. You were intoxicated. You didn't know what you were doing. Had you been sober, you wouldn't have done what you did, especially with the person you did it with. So when you woke up in the middle of the night naked in bed next to a familiar face and realized what you've done, you rushingly stood up, got dressed, and left, ignoring the calls of the man you had just been with.

You went straight home and washed yourself for hours, feeling dirty and sloppy and disgusting. You can easily recollect sitting down in the showers, head tucked underneath and in between your legs, sobbing and crying loudly as the steam surrounding you from the warm water kept on worsening.

You hated what you did, and you most definitely despised the reason for what you did, - to simply get over someone else. You felt guilty. You felt ashamed. What would Jimin think? You thought to yourself. And though that truly didn't really matter, the ache in your heart kept on making you believe otherwise.

You didn't notice how your tears have fallen and stained your newly-bought jeans until Namjoon's hands holding a napkin comes within your perception.

Mumbling a small 'sorry Joonie,' you accept his offer and wipe the tears still continuously streaming down your now reddened, warm, and puffy face. As you do this, you furthermore catch sight of your brother's shadow rubbing his face in frustration, matching the groans that you also hear release from him in the background. And without meaning so, you deflate in insecurity.

Hearing the sound of air being released from a pulling force, you look up to see that Namjoon has sat back down, his elbows resting on the desk while his chin rest on his hands. "Does he know about this, y/n?"

You sigh, "No."

"Are you going to tell him?" You hear him ask once more.

Closing your eyes and sniffing lightly, you inhale a steady breath as you answer him for the second time, "I don't know, Joon."

Namjoon looks at you, eyes full of worry and concern. You don't know?

You're his sister, and he loves you. He would do anything for you. If he could shower you with all the love that you lack from Jimin, he would. And he would do it in a heartbeat. But you're dying. You're leaving him. And he doesn't know what to think. He doesn't know what to do. So how could you not know? How could you sit here, in front of him, after keeping this shit for ten months to yourself, tell him that you just don't know?

He feels frustrated. Frustrated over the clearing fact that if you don't know the answer to that simple yes or no question, then how more could you know the answer to when he asks you to make the choice?

The choice - to love or to die.

A very careful, unprecedented surgery that has been performed by professionals only a few times, yet each one has been successful. This seems easy, yeah. A surgery to save your life? Of course you'll do it! But there's a reason as to why this has been done only by a certain small count.

To perform the surgery and live, the price is not the expense, but rather the loneliness that shall come as you spend the rest of your life void of emotions. The surgery doesn't get rid of love on its own, it gets rid of everything that comes with it - happiness, sadness, trust, pain, pretty much everything that one can possibly feel. The only emotion left is indifference, yet even indifference lacks its self-sustainability.

Who would want to live like that?

Who would want to live a life where you just simply exist and nothing more?

He knows that the day will come eventually - when he offers you the choice, the chance to save your life, and he knows it will come soon. But right now, he has chosen to prioritize being a brother over a doctor. Right now, the only thing in his mind is comforting you.

"Okay." Your brother nods, making your eyes widen slightly in shock.

Okay? No scolding? No 'how could you not know?!' older brother reprimands? But then you remember, oh yeah. You're dying. And who could possibly scold their dying little sister?

"I'm sorry Joonie-" You try to apologize once more before he cuts you off again.

"No, don't apologize, y/n. It's not like you could've possibly wanted for any of this to happen, yeah?" He offers you a smile, but you could easily see past its fabricated purpose, "But instead let me ask you this. And I need you, in our deceased parent's name, to be completely honest with me."

You only nod, completely submissive and understanding of his seriousness the moment that he mentioned your passed parents.

"What you just told me, when you first fell in love with him, that was two years ago." He starts, making you nod again in agreement.

"But you were diagnosed only ten months ago."

Your heart drops, and you don't nod again.

"The Hanahaki Disease is not something that gradually begins and comes to existence over the course of time. It is an illness that is triggered. It could be by a sudden forthcoming realization or proclamation of love, or by an event that triggers the heart to completely shut down in overwhelmth. Either way, basing on the timing of what you've said, you should've been diagnosed with the Hanahaki two years ago. But you weren't."

Namjoon eyes you questioningly, but not too much to the extent that you feel uncomfortable, only just enough to remind you of the importance of this conversation, "You were only diagnosed ten months ago, y/n. Why?"

You sit still, not wanting to move, as if your stone figure would somehow make him think that you're not real or that you're a simple figment of his messed up imagination.

"y/n, what happened ten months ago?"

He finishes his question and you swallow harshly only to realize that you're parched, your throat completely dry. You then tilt your head to steal a gaze at your brother, making you catch the way his eyes suddenly widened as if he just realized something of high importance. As if he had just realized the answer to his own question. And that didn't work with you.

Clearing your throat, you are about to answer him in order to cut off his thoughts until the door swings open and you feel your throat compact, - the coughs of a camellia flower slipping its way to visibility -because there he is,

the man of the hour.

"y/n." He noticeably breathes a sigh of relief before making his way to you, engulfing you in a giant embrace. "I was so worried about you. Why didn't you tell me you had the Hanahaki? How could you not let me know? How long have you had it? Who is it? I swear I'm going to murder whoever this piece of shit is that he dared ever making yo-"

"Jimin this is a professional space between a doctor and his patient." The two of you pull away almost exactly the same time as soon as Namjoon speaks up, Jimin's eyebrows furrowing, "Get out."

"What?" Jimin barely gather the voice to ask him as he is completely caught off guard of his friend's erupting vulgar attitude.

"I said-" Namjoon speaks before getting caught off again.

"No trust me, I heard what you said. But what?" Jimin repeats himself, "So you're telling me you're not prioritizing being y/n's brother right now? You're still caught up in this Doctor Kim bullshit? Like you're a real one?"

"Jimin-" You attempt to budge in, sensing that a certain trouble may suddenly come knocking.

"No, y/n. Listen hyung-"

"No, YOU listen. You small piece of shit." Your brother raises his voice, "-don't come barging in here like you own the place or like you have any authority over her. She is MY sister and this is a family matter. So it's best you stay out of it and keep in your lane."

At this point, Namjoon is in front of Jimin, a short distance separating the two of them, "And don't you ever dare speak to me in that tone again. I know you're my friend, but remember to treat me with respect. Not only am I your superior, but I'm also your hyung." He finishes with a serious voice, tone low, and message deep. His earnest eyes piercing through his friend's pained ones.

Jimin, mouth slightly agape being at loss for words and clearly confused at his close friend's unreasonable anger, storms out of the room.

But not before he drags you along with him.

Namjoon is quick to act as he tries to reach for you, but you turn back and look at him pleadingly, signaling him that it's okay and to not worry. And him being the understanding brother that he is, pulls back and holds himself steady.

You can handle him. You’re a Kim. You’re strong.

Strong enough to survive through this.

You’ll be okay.

And as he watches the two of you leave, the door closing shut right in front of him, only then does reality hit Namjoon as his legs tremble abruptly, feeling lightheaded all of a sudden.

Falling down the floor, he reaches onto the desk for assistance as he slides his back down the wooden wall, hands painfully fisted and finding its way to cover his mouth in order to muffle the choked-in sobs perilously escaping him. He proceeds to blink away the tears and bite harshly on his lips, trying to diminish the flourishing grievance in his heart.

His sister is dying, and he doesn't know what to do.

“Doctor Kim? The next patient is ready to see you.” A knocking nurse distracts him and calls out from behind the door, “-shall I send them in?”

Namjoon sniffs heavily and sighs deeply, rushingly grabbing his glasses and adjusting his emotionally wrecked state, “One moment!”

He lets out a soft, shaky breath and reminds himself once more that you’re a Kim.

You’re strong.

You can beat this.

It'll be alright.

You'll be okay.

"IM NOT OKAY JIMIN-SHI!" You voicely whine out to your friend who is currently dragging you along the halls of the hospital and out the technologically advanced glass doors, "What is wrong with you?!" You pull your arm aggressively from his grasp as you bend down, hands resting on your knees while you hastily try to catch your breath. The camellia flower stuck just along the chords of your throat making it very difficult.

Jimin stares at you worryingly, having forgotten of your illness, "O- oh no. y/n, I'm sorry I forgot I- are you okay? Should we go back?" He stutters in concern before you hold up one finger, signaling him to shut the hell up. "-sorry."

Looking at you like this, tired and exhausted from having to put up with all his bullshit, Jimin feels a sudden urge to reach out and embrace you tightly, almost forgetting of his previous encounter with your brother.

And so that's exactly what he does.

You are caught off guard the moment you feel a hand grab your shoulder by means of pulling you closer all the while another rests just at your crook of spine, and although this first makes you stumble in a not-so-very prettily way, your destination is found to be in your friend's embrace, his fragile yet protective arms wrapped around you securely.

Not letting this moment simply pass by, you let yourself melt in his arms as you find the comfort meant to be found in his comforting hug, wrapping your arms around his neck as you slightly stand on your tippy toes. Somehow, your simple action makes him pull you even closer, one hand creeping behind your neck all the while his other is completely wrapped around your waist although this time is tighter than before.

As the two of you stay like this in the middle of the sliding glass doors of the hospital, crowds of unfamiliar voices passing by you and ambulances ringing endlessly against your ear, you let yourself submerge within the passion of your heart.

Amidst the chaos and cries of your nearingly counted days, you find consolation in the arms of the same man that has put you in front of death's door, and quite frankly, you wouldn't really want it any other way. You'll take what is given by the heavens above when it comes to Jimin, because well- you love him.

Unfortunately, that quick and simple thought is enough to make you lose control of your reminded disease.

"y-y/n what's- are you okay?" Jimin pulls away from you abruptly as you break into coughing fits, pastel pink camellia blossoms escaping your trembling lips.

The sight has caught the attention of many civilians, but both you and Jimin remain to be indifferent about them as you or more or less are occupied with your illness all the while Jimin specifically aims his attention on you alone.

"Alright that's it, screw your brother alright?" Jimin exclaims a bit louder than what you're comfortable with as this obviously did not benefit with the proceedingly growing public focus on the two of you, "-we're going back, y/n, it's my fault for bringing you outside so suddenly-"

"No chim, please-" You roughly attempt to speak out, your throat painfully extracting the feeling of abrasiveness, "Please just- let's just go."

"y/n.."

“Please chim,” you cut him off for what seemed to be the fiftieth time, coughing, “-please. I don’t want to be here any longer.”

Hesistant yet concerned, Jimin nods slowly as he assists your side, his hands finding its home around your waist and lower back while you both take short and careful strides. You destination is still unknown, but you didn’t mind. A journey a day with someone you love has never turned out for the worse.

At least that's what you think.

"Really?" You roll your eyes as you notice the familiar lane that Jimin's car just entered, "I asked you to get me out of the hospital area, I didn't ask for a sleepover, Jimin." You jokingly accuse him, but you can't help the smile that makes its way on your puffed-up face as you notice him smoothly take a side-glance at you with a knowing smirk.

"Well I thought that with all that bad hospital air, you might've wanted to breathe in a familiar scent," Jimin responds as the car comes to a stop.

You turn slightly to open the door and step out before you here a meek, "Jankkanman!" and perceive a 5'9 in height blondie come running around the bonnet in order to open the car door for you as a gentleman would. It is such a sweet and casual pantomime, yet an ill-patient diagnosed with an illness of the heart can never bring you any wins. Consequently, his actions only causes your throat to feel strained and compacted for the endless time.

God, how much did you love this man that such a simple gesture makes you want to cough out countless of fully bloomed flowers?

You thank the heavens above for your past endless experiences that allowed you to now be better in terms of hiding your pain as you attempt to smile genuinely, mumbling a small "thank you" in the process before making your way inside his home.

"So," Jimin starts as the two of you plop down his couch, his eyes seeking for yours as he tilts his head ever so lightly, "what should we do today... now that you're out of that hell hole?"

"Chim!" You scold him lightly, "my brother and your best friend just happens to be working in that hell hole, just in case you forgot, and- hey! You work there too, you ass." You accusingly point at him all the while hitting his arm playfully.

Jimin is was a nurse in that hospital. Your brother is a doctor.

He laughs and smiles widely, "Nope. I don't work there anymore, remember? But I did for a while, which is why I can most definitely testify that that place is indeed, a hell hole. And by the way, I'm kind of offended that you pretty much forgot my lost profession just then, y/n, like what the fuck?" He jokes endingly.

Your eyes soften slightly as he mentions his lack of job, yet you still stubbornly choose to ignore his last remark. "Well I sure hope that's not the case since I'll be most likely spending my last days there."

Oops.

The silence that ensues goes inevitably noticed by the two of you the moment those words escaped past your lips, but you paid no mind. That was the reason that you asked him to take you away anyways. You weren't hoping for some cliche romantic bullshit where the two of you simply elope and forget your real worries in your life, no. Instead you were here with the main purpose of facing it.

Besides, even if you did want to leave with him, you couldn't. Remember?

Jimin is the first to break the excessive blockade, "Don't say that y/n."

You sigh, "But it's true, chim."

"I don't give a shit if it's true or not."

"Chim.." You are slightly startled with his sudden outburst, caught off guard in the way his voice slightly raised as his attention and body language are now completely directed at you, "Wha- why are you getting mad?"

Jimin scoffs, almost irritated at your oblivious question, "Why? Because you're talking of dying like it's not a big deal, y/n!" His voice getting louder and louder by every word he spits out, "God, you know you can be so fucking insensitive sometimes. What, did you already forget the shit I suffered when I lost someone? Did you already forget all the fucking shit I suffered when death took her from me?"

At the mention of her, you pause. Speechless. Guilty. Hurt.

Of course you remember. How could you not? You remember the darkest of days as like it was just yesterday.

You remember getting that call in the middle of the night from the contact name of your brother as you slightly answered it in an irritated voice, "Joon I swear to God if you're asking me to drive you to work in the middle of the fucking night I will personally drag your ass right now to get a driver's liscenc-"

"y/n?"

You remember immediately stopping as you recognize the voice that most certainly did not belong to your brother, "Chim?"

"y- y/n."

You remember the outbreak of his sobs as you call out to him, his sniffles and cries becoming more and more prominent as you stumble on your feet, struggling with keeping your phone against and in between your ear and your shoulder as you hurryingly take off to grab a jacket and your keys, "Chim what's wrong, where the hell are you? W- where's Joon?"

You remember the way your heart dropped as your worst fear came to mind, the thought of losing your brother itself being enough to make you wobble in your feet, your heart clenching. He had your brother's phone, and he was crying.

"N-no, he- he's fine, y/n. It's not him, hyung's... hyung's fine."

You remember the way he struggled to find the right words; the way he sniffled and stuttered through forming such a simple sentence all the while you on the other side of the line breathe out a sigh of relief at the information of your brother's wellness, yet feeling slightly guilty that your emotions are in contrast with your friend's.

"It's Sung."

You remember Jimin's worst.

"It's Sung, y/n. Sh- she got in an accident on the way here to visit me during my off hours and- fuck! Some fucking demon pulled a hit and run on her. She was walking, y/n. She walked an hour here and got ran over by someone and.. they're doing an operation on her- hyung's assisting and he just- it's bad. It was really bad and she was bleeding all fucking over and- hyung, he- he left his phone and I didn't know what to do so I just called you- I didn't, they pushed me out of the room, y/n. I need you here. Please, please. Please come here because I'm losing my fucking mind and I need you here."

You remember driving to the hospital as careful as you can with the fear of the possibility of an accident occurring still in the midst of the back of your mind.

You remember reaching the doors of the emergency room and being greeted with a pair of reddened and exhausted eyes that looked up the moment you walked in, "Jin."

He stands up to greet you politely but you stop him, obviously seeing that his reaction upon seeing you is no more than a forced delight, "Let's not do this under these circumstances, okay? You're allowed to feel unwelcoming. It's okay, Jin."

He does no more than mumble a small 'thank you' before going back to his previous spot with you trudging along beside him.

You remember feeling the sorrow of the man beside you as you watch him lean his head back against the wall, fragile streaks of tears rolling down his flushed cheeks. You couldn't imagine his pain, the pain of such a situation where your sister's life is at stake. You wanted to comfort him, to softly rub his back and whisper sweet encouragements against his ear, little white lies that his sister is guaranteed to make it without a doubt. But you couldn't. You weren't here for him, regardless of your history. Regardless of the way you left him the morning after your supposed mistake.

"Uhm, have you seen Jimin?"

You remember the way his void eyes find yours and the way his lips lightly upturn as he gives you a forced smirk, trying to keep up with his image of being Kim Seokjin, Kim Sungkyung's handsome and cocky older brother, "And here I was thinking fate brought you here to me, y/n." He trails off, "-considering how you fucked me then dipped."

You gasp slightly and playfully hit his arm at the blunt mention of your regretted one night stand as you give him a small yet genuine smile, partly glad yet at the same time worried that he can make such remarks during a situation like this.

It was strange really, how everything in your life seemed to be connected. How on the day you felt your heart tore apart the time Jimin first mentioned his planned proposal, you went out and accidentally slept with the soon-to-be-bride's older brother.

Letting out a small sigh, Jin nods his head in the direction of a different waiting room, "He left when I came. Guess he was embarrassed of how fucked up he was but hey- I'm not doing any fucking better am I?" He tells you, subtly pointing at the very visible streaks of tears still falling down his now puffy face.

You get on your feet and turn to leave but not before giving one last glance at the man next to you, a hand softly reaching to rub his shoulder, "I'm so sorry, Jin. I wish I could stay, but-"

"It's okay, y/n. Go." Jin encourages you with a small yet noticeably forced smile, "He needs you."

And so you do, bidding him a soft goodbye before taking off, your eyes beginning to water out of the guilt of leaving a friend in that state.

You then remember being suffocated. Suffocated from the embrace that greeted you the moment Jimin entered your peripheral vision. You remember landing on your behind with a harsh thud from the struggle of Jimin's weight as he continues to seek your embrace for means of comfort, the two of you falling down the floor. You remember getting drenched from Jimin's tears as you cradle him as would a wailing child, rocking him back and forth all the while softly rubbing his back, whispering every bit of amenity that could make him feel better.

You remember feeling your heart physically ache as you fail to notice the tears that have fallen down your own eyes, blurring your sight.

To see Jimin in this state, so broken and hurt and scared, it tore you apart. You wanted him happy. You wanted him smiling. You wanted him. You loved him. And God forbid that you're admitting this in your own mind while his fiance is battling for her own life, but fuck.

You wanted nothing more than to lay down your own life for Sung so that she could continue in existence for him.

If you could, you would take here place.

You would die for her, for him.

You remember pushing back your thoughts as you put focusing on Jimin your first priority. You remember keeping him in a neverending tight embrace as he neverendingly sobs against your chest, his lips leaving prayers you could barely yet still tried to understand;

please don't let her die

don't take her away from me

i love her too much

i still have to marry her.

You then remember hearing a wail of anguish, putting a pause to both Jimin's silent pleas and your eavesdropping as the both of your heads turn to pinpoint from whom the noise came from.

You remember the way Jimin stilled.

"No."

You remember his whisper of such a small, two-lettered word, yet somehow it caused your heart to crumble.

"No no no no-"

You remember having to tackle Jimin slightly as he causes a mess of himself, punching the seats and harshly tugging on his hair all the while screaming wails of pain and suffering, "Jimin please-"

"No- get the fuck off of me! Sung?!"

You remember how Jimin lost sight of reality as he pushes you off of him, your body making in contact with the cold tiled ground.

"SUNG? SUNG! LET ME INSIDE-"

You remember seeing nurses and other staff pull the man you love back as he causes a scene, starting to become physical and violent with the people surrounding him, "PLEASE! Please- I just- I NEED TO SEE HER! SHES MY FIANCE-"

You remember seeing a man dressed in blue make his way near Jimin, a needle in his hand.

"H-hey, no!" You remember trying to catch up to the nurse, attempting to prevent them from giving whatever the shot was to Jimin, "Stop! Please-"

"y/n. D-don't."

You remember feeling a hand on your shoulder which makes you turn around instantly, only to find the culprit behind the anguished scream just moments prior Jimin's outburst.

"Jin." You start, "-they're going to sedate him. That- that's not okay."

"They have to, y/n." Another voice calls out from behind Jin, "I know how it seems and I don't like it either, b-but he's becoming violent. They have to sedate him."

"Joon." You whisper softly.

What a sick and twisted game that life is playing on you, that your brother, Jimin's best friend, Jimin's best man at the wedding being planned, is the one to give news of the bride's passing.

"Sung, is she really.." You trail off, not having the heart to finish your sentence.

It seems neither does he, as he responds with nothing but a simple avoidance of eye contact.

"HYUNG!"

You remember Jimin's faint and tired yet still firm voice as he calls out your brother, "Hyung, you saved her didn't you? You- you were part of the surgery. You saved her didn't you? Didn't you!?" Jimin is weak as he trails off his words as the effect of the syringe takes its course, but that doesn't stop him from reaching out to the three of you, "H-hyung. Tell me you saved her. P-please tell me you saved h-her."

Namjoon doesn't stop the tear that rolls down his hardened face as he only shakes his head, "I'm sorry, Jimin. We did our best. We really, really did. I'm so sorry-"

You remember the way Namjoon's voice trails off your hearing as your throat suddenly feels contracted. You remember the itching pain just within your chest as you find the struggle to breath, your hand clutching it harshly. You remember stumbling back just a little bit as you feel lightheaded, thinking that these were only from the overwhelming happenings in that moment.

But then you cough.

And you cough

and you cough

and you cough.

But no one notices you.

Not even yourself.

Your attention remains still at Jimin, who has now dropped completely to the floor, tears still continuously spilling out of his drowsy eyes. Short breaths are released from his trembling lips as he mumbles words that none of you can understand. He then begins to seemingly reach out for something, someone.

"P-please," He whispers.

And as you bend down almost immediately to attend to his calls, you cough.

And you cough

and you cough.

And still no one notices.

No one except him.

You cough as your eyes find his, barely open yet staring right at you from the lows of the floor.

You remember having to excuse yourself and run to the nearest restroom you can find, legs trembling and stumbling on your way there as you push against the winds of the almost empty halls, still coughing with every step you take. And just as you reach the doors of the restroom, you turn back slightly, just enough to catch Jimin's last sight while his body is being carried away to where you guess is a vacant patient's room, all this before his eyes ultimately close.

Eyes you found lastly staring at you.

You remember finally shutting the door and locking it, thanking God silently that you're in a family restroom hence there is no one else inside. You cough desperately, your throat beginning to feel exclusively sore and your lungs beginning to tighten from all the air being released as you cough and cough and cough again.

You reach out to the sink, gripping tightly onto the white metals as you cough and cough and cough again.

You then brushingly turn to the toilet, your eyes watering and lips numbing as you cough and you cough and you cough once more.

You practically clean the whole restroom, as disgusting as that sounds, from all the moving you made as you coughed anywhere and everywhere. You felt awful for the next person to come inside, now that your bacterium were practically in its every corner, side, and space. You cough again, this time harder, the worst one out of the previous.

You remember sensing a certain feeling rise up, something soft yet itchy, something light yet heavy.

And so you cough, and you cough, and you cough, and you cough,

and you bleed.

And amongst the red is a pink.

A single, individual pink petal from what you would soon find out is a camellia flower - the flower that is soon to be the latter symbolization of death chasing you, growing closer, inching nearer, just about to knock on your door.

So of course you remember Jimin's distraught. Of course you remember Sung's - his fiance's death.

Because her death was too, the ultimate beginning of yours.

taglist for part 2?

[alstroemeriadissonance]

Chiaroscuro (Part 3 of 3) (NSFW)

Marius x Vyn; Marius x Rosa

In which Marius finds he has to deal with crap whether likes it or not. Big sister Rosa helps him process his feels, because Vyn isn't of any help despite his two doctorates.

WARNING: NSFW; angst. (Possible) emotional manipulation.

Previous parts at Pt 1 | Pt 2

I really need to stop writing angst. But here it is, with some spicy bits.

Lemme know if you'd like more of these stuff, it has been an interesting experience trying my hand at BL.

"Cancel all of my engagements for today til the end of this week, Vincent."

Marius, after sincerely trying to concentrate at work, gave up once he accepted the realization that he was practically a lost cause and could not think of anything else other than castigating himself over the events involving his tutor--and Rosa by extension, no thanks to said tutor.

"I can't work like this," Marius literally banged his forehead onto his executive table with such force that a stack of files fell off the edge, spilling all over the floor like oversized confetti. "If I continue I may end up selling entire PAX for a--a--fucking ice cream truck. Or something."

"Master Marius!" Vincent, his secretary, ran over from his own table situated by the corner of the young acting CEO's office. "Are you alright?"

"Please tell me that was a rhetorical question, Vincent," Marius muttered, his face still full of table. "Of course am not.

"Is why I'm asking for a five day break. It's five days from today til Sunday yeah?"

"Yes." Then, "Wanna talk about it, man?" Vincent dropped his voice to his whisper, and along with it the formalities he put on when they were around other people. This was Marius, his closest friend who he grew up with, after all. "You've been out of it for weeks now. No one's asking questions yet but...I've had to refile some papers you've signed. I don't think you've really read their terms."

"Yeeaaaah. I need to mentally reset, Vince." Marius removed his face off the table's surface, rubbing the red spot located right smack in the middle of his forehead where his face made impact with teak.

Vincent smiled wryly as he sat on the edge of Marius's executive table. "Yeah, about that. That's exactly why I 'accidentally' lost one of those papers I had refiled. You were going to sell off Pharmaceuticals to a proverbial ice cream truck."

"What."

The secretary cleared his throat. "Well not exactly in those terms, and it would need board approval to formally take effect of course but, if I didn't catch it you probably won't be sitting in that chair right now."

Marius sighed, and was about to slam his head against the table again, if Vincent didn't catch him by pressing his palm against Marius's already red forehead.

"Stop it. I'll cover for you, okay?" Vincent furrowed his brow. "You want me to call Dr, Richter for you? He--"

"NO!"

Even Marius was surprised about how forceful his interjection was, and both he and Vincent fell silent for what seemed like forever.

Vincent was the first to break the silence. "If I have to hazard a guess, Dr. Richter is part of what's...plaguing you?"

Marius could only grumble in response.

"I had a hunch you were trying to avoid him when he called me. He told me you weren't taking his calls. I just told him that you had back to back board meetings recently."

"You're a lifesaver Vince."

"About that...I don't think he believed me. One of those supposed "back to back meetings" would have happened at 11 pm for my cover story to fly. He was calling at one in the morning."

"Wait. Vyn called you at one. In the morning."

"Sounded slightly...tipsy." Vincent's expression was a tad amused.

"When was this?" Marius's eyes narrowed.

"Last night. I didn't tell you because, to be honest...you aren't in such good shape to get saddled with drunk tutors."

"Shit." Marius fumbled for his smartphone from his back pocket and checked its call history. He didn't get a chance to check his phone since waking up this morning; in these instances the protocol was that if the matter was urgent and Marius couldn't be reached, they could dial Vincent instead.

And sure enough, there were more than ten missed calls from Vyn, from 11 pm last night til a few minutes before 12 midnight.

"Shit. Shitshitshitshitshit." Marius was about to throw his phone away but he wasn't going to throw a tantrum in front of Vincent. The poor secretary already had a lot of crap to deal with.

"...should I know what's up with you two?" Vincent now seemed genuinely worried. "I mean, just enough info for me to work with so I can cover for you if he calls again."

Marius pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to calm himself down. What the fuck is he thinking, trying to drunk call me? "We're just haunted by my brother's ghost." It wasn't exactly a lie, but not entirely true, either. "Is all."

"Okay," was all Vincent said, not quite convinced but wisely knew when to back off. "Should I just tell him any random excuse that seems plausible?"

"Yeah. Also," Marius handed Vincent his smartphone. "You hold onto this. I don't want to take any calls from that phone.

"From today until Sunday I'm to be reached only through the burner number, okay? Call me only when it's necessary. Like if someone tries to murder Dad or something."

"Fine," Vincent said as he pocketed Marius's smartphone. "Let me know if you need anything arranged, like transportation."

"Ehh...tell anyone who asks that I fucked off to Nosta or eloped with some chick. But I'm really just going to stay in my room and sleep til Sunday."

===

Before he entered his hibernation period, Marius decided to pay someone a visit to straighten things out with her.

Once he confirmed that Rosa was already home by five in the late afternoon, he jogged his way from where he was wandering aimlessly in the CBD to her nearby apartment.

Taking a deep breath, he rang Rosa's doorbell and hoped for the best, like not getting the door slammed on his face once she saw who dropped by her doorstep, unannounced.

"Who is it?" came Rosa's voice as she opened her door. "Marius?!"

Nice. At least she didn't sound hostile.

"Come in, quick," she pulled Marius in by the lapel of his jacket and slammed the door behind them.

"Missy?" Marius blinked, a delayed reaction. "What's wrong?"

"I really don't want to make the rounds in the tabloids again," Rosa groaned. "That last time when you picked me up from one of your satellite offices was pretty bad already."

"Oh." And Marius did tell Vincent to throw random tidbits to inquiring reporters including eloping with a girl. He had to fire him off a text to not do exactly that. "Yeah, that was careless of me. Sorry, miss."

"Marius? What's up?" Rosa peered at him with those curious, inquisitive, caring eyes that made the entire NXX team fall for her. Even Vyn, who treated her like a precious specimen that should not be sullied. Well, until the other night happened.

Vyn was already a tad touched in the head at the time.

Marius was trying to find the words to tell her--he only realized at that very moment that he was so caught up in his thoughts that while he somehow instinctually sought Rosa's presence, he did not exactly know how to articulate why.

Keeping his emotions hidden was so ingrained in him that he could not properly talk about them, at least not without the risk of being misunderstood.

He didn't have to worry however, as Rosa did not wait for his reply and instead held him in a tight hug.

"Rosa, I..."

"It's okay Marius," Rosa cooed as she gently patted his back. "You look terrible. Had a bad day?"

Marius, shocked at the heartfelt, open, non-judgmental gesture, found his lips curl in a small grimace that he struggled to unfurl into a twisted smile, to no avail.

And tears trickled across his cheeks, down to Rosa's shoulder.

She must have felt it, as she disengaged from her bear hug and held Marius at her arm's length, to have a good look at his face struggling between letting everything out or bottling his actual feelings inside.

She reached out to wipe his tears with a gentle touch. "Oh, Marius.."

Marius tried to edge out his depressing visage with a failed attempt at slipping on his little brother act. "Missy, I--"

"Hush. You know what you need?"

"What?"

Rosa grinned. "Junk food."

===

Marius somehow found himself stretched out on Rosa's sofa, which was shorter than his height, and so a good part of his lower legs were hanging off the edge off one end.

In the other end of the sofa sat Rosa, whose lap Marius used as a pillow. Both were munching cheese curls as their eyes were glued to the screen playing a random period action flick that neither of them were paying full attention to.

They were merely enjoying each other's presences with relative silence and comfort.

"Missy." Marius checked the back label of the cheese curl can. "Where's your brand loyalty? This is an import--PAX Foods has something superior, y'know?"

"Pfft." Rosa smirked as she chewed on the crunchy snack. "I'll consider once PAX comes up with a white cheddar flavor. Then we'll talk."

"Fiiiine, white cheddar it is, then, for the picky Missy Lawyer." Marius huffed. "What other flavors d'ya like, Miss?"

"Hmm, I wonder," Rosa tapped her lips with a fingertip, pretending to think out loud. "Strawberry?"

"Strawberry...cheese curls? Okay, that...sounds plausible." Marius was inwardly cringing at the thought.

"Coffee!"

"Yuck. Are you serious, Missy?"

Rosa sighed. "Okay, for serious serious this time: Matcha."

"Ehh. Vyn must have rubbed off on--"

Marius realized what he just said, and his voice abruptly stopped.

"I knew it," Rosa whispered, letting her fingers comb Marius's dark hair. "Is it about Vyn?"

Marius took a deep breath. "Yeah. I can't...I don't know. It's hard to explain, Missy." He bit his lip. "It's so hard to explain, when I tried to tell Vyn the first thing he did was make me kiss the floor."

"Um." Rosa blushed. "What does kiss the floor even mean?"

"Oh, I meant he kicked me down to the floor and almost beat me up."

"What the hell?!" Rosa exclaimed. Marius felt thoroughly vindicated by her show of indignation. "Were you hurt?"

"Yeah, a bit," Marius winced at the memory. "I guess one of the perks of being a doctor is that you know where to...inflict pain."

Rosa shook her head. "That sounds terrible, Marius. I didn't know the fight between you two was that bad."

"To be fair I did, uh." Marius gulped, suddenly finding it hard to confess what it was that precipitated everything. "I did force myself on him before that. Just a kiss, but...yeah."

"Huh." Rosa reached for the remote control and turned off the screen. Clearly the talk was becoming more and more serious. "Do you want to talk about it? Like from the top. I'm here to listen, you can stay over if you want."

"You're an angel, Rosa," Marius murmured as he adjusted himself on the sofa so he could better face her, his head still on her lap.

Marius proceeded to pour his heart out, at first struggling with his words, but once he saw that Rosa never gave off any reaction to whatever he said, just listening quietly, never judging...the words came more freely, like a river breaking through a dam.

Like how his feelings for his now tutor started since they were young. How he had to bottle up his feelings, how he was trained to bottle up his emotions, until his emotions exploded and led to the catastrophe that took place in his atelier.

How he found out, too late, that Vyn was in a relationship with his brother. That he was able to put two and two together on how affected Vyn must have been with Giann's disappearance and that he was not...quite the same ever since, with all of the walls he had erected.

And how Marius believed he did Vyn harm with the stunt he pulled in his atelier, kissing him on impulse.

Rosa listened to Marius intently, and at some point her hand found his, holding it firmly as he revealed his vulnerabilities to her, the very thing that his teachers and advisors warned him not to do.

At that moment, they fell into the roles of little brother Marius and his big sister Rosa.

"I could see it, you know. Months after Giann went missing, when people shifted from the mindset of saving my brother, to just finding him..." Marius tightened his grip on Rosa's hand. "Vyn just grew cold and his cruel streak got worse, to whoever was on the business end of his hate."

He chuckled derisively. "I didn't expect I'd be a recipient of that hate."

Marius felt Rosa's hand stroke his hair. He could not help but bunt his head against the gentle touch.

"What's sad is that Vyn really was gentle and kind back then. You know?" He smiled, waxing nostalgic. "I think Vyn deliberately does it so people back off. I dunno. Just...throwing guesses here."

"Hmm. I think so too," Rosa murmured, now letting herself speak. "So what do you want to do now, Marius?"

"For starters," Marius said as he pushed himself up to a sitting position to properly face Rosa, hard as it were to extricate himself from the comfort of her lap. "I want to apologize to you."

Rosa's head tilted to the side. "Apologize, why?"

"Because Vyn got you involved into that messy affair the other night?" Marius blushed. "Which I think started because I was dumb enough to force myself on him."

Rosa averted her eyes, laughing awkwardly as heat rose to her own face. "Well, I did...I did like it, you know? No regrets here."

"Really?"

Rosa faced him once again, an impish smile on her face. "Really. I mean. It was pretty hot."

Marius did not expect Rosa to say something like It was pretty hot especially when talking about a three-way they both participated in. His blush deepened. "Ahaha."

"Haha, yourself." Rosa flicked a finger squarely onto Marius's forehead, the same spot that was still sore from being slammed against his desk that morning. "Ow, missy! It hurts!"

"Huh, you're already hurt by that?" Rosa asked, tone incredulous. "Weakling."

"No, really!" Marius was still wincing in pain. "I hit my head on my desk. I was getting really frustrated."

Rosa blinked. "Eh?" Then, seeing that Marius was not acting, she started fussing over him. "Oh gosh, I'm so sorry!" She was about to stand up, presumably to grab an ice pack, when Marius grabbed her wrist, not letting her go.

"Kiss the boo-boo Missy" Marius pouted at her. "Make it feel better?"

Rosa sighed. "Marius. Von. Hagen."

"Yeeeess, Missy?" Marius smiled, hopeful.

"As if!" Rosa then proceeded to tickle Marius, reaching out to let her fingers slip inside his jacket and have her fingertips flutter lightly along his sides.

"Aah haha Missy, that's cheating! That's low! You're cruel!" Marius cried, but this time the tears were of laughter.

Somehow in the throes of Rosa tickling Marius they ended up tangled on the sofa, with Rosa lying on top of him.

Before they could realize the position they were in, Marius enveloped Rosa in his arms, holding her close to him.

"Hey, Missy," he breathed next to her ear. "Thanks. I mean it. I...I really feel better now."

Rosa, whose head laid on his chest, could feel Marius's heart thump wildly. "No problem. I mean, I care about you, you know?"

Something inside Marius's head clicked, as Rosa's words reminded him of what Vyn said the other night.

"Missy...when Vyn said he saw how you look at me, and him...did he mean...?"

A couple minutes passed before Rosa finally replied. "Yeah. I have a crush on both of you," Rosa buried her face against his chest, to hide her blushing. "I mean, aside from both of you being really good looking, you guys were really kind to me. Even Vyn."

"Well...Yeah, I think Vyn likes you too," Marius murmured. "I guess he was just pushed over the edge with what was happening."

"So. Um."

"Hey, Rosa," Marius gulped. "Want to do it?"

Rosa froze in his arms. Uh-oh. Not good. "I mean, if you want to. Tell me how you want me to make love to you. I still think Vyn hurt you back then--I want to make it right."

Rosa giggled, then let her body relax again in his arms. "Vyn was rough, but I uh...Um. I don't exactly...dislike being handled like that."

"Wow. Missy really likes it rough, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want to do it?"

"...yes. Again, you ask too many questions, Marius."

Marius took her hand and placed it over the hard on straining against his pants. "Let's go."

===

"...Marius..."

While Rosa did say that she liked how Vyn railed her from behind the other night, somehow she ended up mounting Marius in a reverse cowgirl position, giving the younger man a good view of how his cock slipped in and out of her as she gyrated her hips over him.

"Shit. This is such a good view, Missy," Marius hissed under his breath, overly aroused at the sight of his favorite lawyer's ass bounce on his hips. He felt his cock twitch inside her as she fucked herself using him, letting out her moans that sounded like a full orchestra in his ears.

He drove the back of his head deeper into Rosa's soft memory foam pillows, letting himself drown in pleasure--Rosa, who brought him emotional comfort by way of her openness, non-judgmental presence; Rosa, whose inner walls at that very moment felt exquisitely delicious and hot around his shaft; Rosa, whose soft, feminine cries spurred even more sexual arousal in him--

--a stark contrast to the lovely bouquet of roses and thorns that was Vyn, the man who occupied his thoughts day in and day out, the man who made himself out to be appreciated only from afar, the man who tortured him unintentionally with his walls when he tried to get close--

Marius wondered if he can have Vyn singing for him the way Rosa was doing right now.

His thoughts cut abruptly when Rosa started begging Marius to fuck her this time, that she was near...

"Ah, Missy...so delicious, so fuckable," he whispered as he sat himself upright, pushing Rosa all fours on her bed. "Do you want me to do you hard like how Vyn did you back in the conference room?"

"Yes! Do me hard, Marius, please."

Marius licked his lips, plunging in once again into Rosa's sopping wet sex. "You better get ready." He pulled back his hips just enough to leave the tip inside her pussy, then snapped his hips back forward with such force that made her mewl in aroused delight.

"This hard?" Marius bit his lip, he was near...

"Yes!"

"Fondle yourself, Missy," Marius grunted as he started railing her hard in a similar fashion as Vyn did the other night, "I'm about to come myself."

"Marius, ah--" Rosa's hand slipped to her mound, and, quite teasingly let her fingertips flutter around his shaft that was violently fucking her in the pursuit of his orgasm.

"Shit, missy, don't do that, I'll---"

"Marius, it's okay to shout Vyn's name--ahn--when you--come..."

"What?"

"Hahh--I can tell he's on your mind," Rosa moaned as she furiously flicked her fingertips at her sensitive bud. "So go ahead, cry his name out loud for me, will you?"

"Damn, missy, Vyn really IS rubbing off on you," Marius moaned, finding himself turned on by her unusual request. "Shit...!"

And his mind blanked out, his load coming out in violent spurts; Marius did as Rosa requested, repeatedly chanting Vyn's name as he emptied himself inside her.

===

"Man, Missy," Marius groaned as he rolled over Rosa's bedsheets. "You're really sexy in bed, y'know?"

Rosa giggled. She sat upright by the edge of her bed, watching the night cityscape, her back towards Marius. "I think it's just natural for me being touch starved all the while surrounded by incredibly attractive and unattached men day in and day out. It makes a woman just want to fuck, you know?"

"You mean the NXX? Us four?"

"Mhm."

"Eheh~ don't tell me you have designs on Luke and Artem too," Marius wiggled his eyebrows at her. "Such a smutty lawyer, you."

"I'll take that as a compliment," came her coy response.

Marius straightened himself rested his back against the headboard. Then, arms outstretched, he formed a rectangle frame using the thumb and forefingers of both his hands, capturing Rosa in the middle and the night cityscape beyond.

And, came his reverent whisper, "Beautiful."

For against the dark backdrop of the city at night, Rosa's bare skin, loosely framed by the pale pink blanket draped around her hips, gave off an exquisite illumination accented by the bronze highlights of her loose auburn hair.

Marius took the time to take in all of her curves and dips, the shadows that pooled in between soft flesh and delicate bone structure; he committed the details to his memory for painting later. No, impasto would not do. Sfumato, though... Light and shadow interplaying in fragile smoke and haze wrapping her graceful form is more befitting her than the roughness of impasto, Marius decided.

Sfumato it is.

"Missy...Rosa," Marius found himself freely pouring out his honest emotions in her presence with nary a thought. It felt quite liberating, exhilarating. "Damn it, Rosa. It's going to be hard seeing you snagged by another man," he said wistfully. "I wish...I wish it was you I fell in love with."

This made Rosa turn to face him on the bed. "Mm. Would have been nice, but I'm okay seeing you with Vyn." She laughed coyly behind her hand. "Besides, both of you will still be around me, right? I mean..." her voice trailed off. We already fucked, us three, Marius knew she meant to complete her sentence with those words.

"Ah, man...but Rosa, you're worth more than a sidepiece," Marius slides across the sheets to give her a hug.

"Stop it, you. You guys didn't make me feel like one." Rosa smiled. "In fact, thanks to Vyn's antics both you and Vyn are now part of my little harem I'm trying to build up for myself."

"...Damn. Well played."

===

Thanks to Rosa, Marius went through the first days of his emergency leave with relative peace of mind.

Handing over his phone to Vincent, letting his trusted secretary and friend deal with the calls and shield him from aggravation from work and possible emotional turmoil proved to be a very wise decision as well.

After the trip to Rosa's apartment Marius holed himself up in his room, never even leaving it to work in his atelier. The emotions stirred by the fresh memory of what took place in it was still a bit raw, and so Marius decided to avoid his atelier for now until he was sure that he could make peace with what had happened.

He did start on the prototype sketches of the painting he planned to gift Rosa, but these he did in the small, cramped desk in his bedroom.

Marius had spent his time so far playing games, watching mindless shows, and, inspired by Rosa, allowing himself to munch on junk food as he nursed his bruised heart. Training can come later, he promised himself.

Of course, he also slept a lot, in between those idle activities. And dreamt, also a lot.

His dreams flipped between Rosa and Vyn, the two presences who made the most impression on him for the past few days. Rosa, with her warm, calming and somewhat voluptuous presence; Vyn, whose cold, tumultuous, yet alluring existence colored most of his dreams night by night.

In what he thought was still one of those dreams, he saw Vyn sitting by the end of his bed, looking at him. Marius groaned, and shifted under his blanket, willing himself to go back to sleep...

Then his eyes snapped open, training his gaze once again by the foot of his bed.

Vyn was indeed sitting there, and, after a confirmatory pinch on his arm, not a part of his dream.

"Hello, Marius," said Vyn, clad in a more casual outfit of loose sweater over a collared shirt, and jeans.

Marius pulled his bedsheets closer to him, suddenly feeling vulnerable, exposed, right in his own sacred space. He did not like it one bit. "Vyn. What the hell are you doing here."

"You did not return any of my calls." Vyn crossed his legs by the edge of Marius's bed. "So I saw it fit to pay you a visit. I was worried when I heard from Artem that you could not be reached directly for the past few days."

"I believe I had Vincent tell everybody that I was on an emergency leave, Vyn," Marius murmured, voice shaky. "I just needed sometime for myself, right now." Why the hell are you here? He wanted to scream at Vyn. You're the very man I don't want to deal with right now!

"From how I understood it, Marius, your order to Vincent was merely to screen your phone calls. You never did exactly had him turn away visitors."

Marius's mouth gaped open, then closed. "Y-yeah. Fuck that. You're right." He muttered as he sunk deeper into his pillows, willing himself to be swallowed up by the earth for such an elementary lapse of judgment.

"So, what the hell do you want?"

"That's no way to talk to your tutor."

"We're not exactly on professor and student capacity at the moment, Vyn."

"That is true. But," Vyn shifted himself on the bed to better face Marius. "That does not change the fact that we are worried about you." The golden eyes behind his glasses indeed looked concerned, but Marius didn't want to trust anything concerning the doctor at the moment. Not now. He was still too raw.

"I'm fine, Vyn. Like I said. I just need some time." Marius wrapped his arms around himself.

"I apologize." came Vyn's sudden pronouncement.

Marius blinked. "What did you say?"

"I said, I apologize." Vyn repeated his words, his facial expression solemn. Marius would have pegged his visage for an angel's face from a renaissance painting, but the night at the NXX headquarters with Rosa happened and it had greatly shaken how he viewed the doctor in front of him.

"I am not going to make excuses towards how I treated you and Rosa," Vyn whispered. "Nor am I going to promise to make things right. I just want you to know I am aware that...my behavior has been inexcusable as of late."

"Yeah, well, I'm not exactly blameless either," Marius sighed. "So? You said your piece, Vyn. What else do you need from me?"

Vyn fell silent.

Then, after a few minutes of utter silence, "I need to know what you want to do with me, from now on." He faced away from Marius, looking pensive. "If need be I can assist with having your private studies under me transferred to another tutor. I cannot remove myself from my NXX duties, but I can--"

"Stop. I thought you were asking me."

Marius pushed away the blankets wrapped around him and stepped off the bed, walking towards where Vyn sat by the edge. "Do I really, really have to decide now? Just when I'm trying to clear my head?"

He stood right in front of Vyn, towering over him, arms crossed, feeling pretty pissed off.

"Did Vincent even tell you why I had to pull this long break?" Marius's teeth gritted, bile rising from his throat. "Did he tell you that I was already signing papers without actually reading them, and if it wasn't for him I would have had my ass chewed by the board and kicked out of the group?"

"...no. This is news to me."

"Well," Marius bent low, hands on knees, his eye level with Vyn's. "You're hearing it straight from me, Vyn. Thanks to this fuckery going on right now--and yes, I admit I started it, which is why I want to drop off the face of the earth--I can't think, I can't function, I have to resort to shutting myself in my room so I can have headspace to process this shitty thing I started, but really, I didn't want this." Marius's voice dripped with pure misgiving. "I didn't want to fall for you, Vyn, if I could choose I would have fallen for someone sweet and caring like Rosa instead. But no. I had to fall stupidly in love over a cold, cruel bastard like you."

Vyn averted his eyes, shifting his sights to the floor. Once again, his face was unreadable.

"So now you're here, invading my space, and I am sure that shrink brain of yours knows what's been happening to me. Admit it, Vyn, you came here for your own sake."

An almost inaudible, yet sharp gasp escaped Vyn. It was so soft that Marius could have mistaken it for another sound in his room, but his face was so close to his tutor's that he even felt the breath expel as he gasped.

Clearly, Vyn himself did not realize it.

Maybe Vyn did go here under the intention of checking whether Marius still wanted to continue studying under him or not. Maybe his desire to do whatever he wanted to do to Marius overrode his usual impeccable judgment.

There were so many maybes, but all of them academically moot now that Vyn has already given away that Marius's assessment was spot on.

"Face me. Look at me, goddamnit." Marius grabs Vyn's face by the chin, forcing his gold eyes to look straight into his purples. "I was licking my wounds, Vyn. But you just barged in here like it was nothing. You better have something with you to show for it. Now, tell me, what did you really want to do here?"

Vyn stared back at him, but with his usual cold, steely demeanor now replaced with a slightly wide-eyed blank slate.

"Well, Vyn?" Marius prodded, his face still only a few inches away from his tutor's.

Nothing prepared Marius from what happened next: Vyn leaning forward ever so slightly, capturing his lips with his.

It was a soft--even polite--kiss, with Vyn's cool lips only brushing lightly against Marius's heated ones; bereft of malice that had colored Vyn's touches from that night in the NXX headquarters. If Marius had his eyes closed during that kiss, he wouldn't have thought that it was Vyn's--the light, soft touch was unlike anything he had ever received from his tutor.

Almost a complete 180 turn.

Marius pulled away, and beheld the face in front of him: eyes still half-lidded, obscured with his long, silver eyelashes; glasses askew; and a somewhat helpless expression that he had never, ever seen on the doctor who was always composed, always put-together, ever.

And Marius realized--was this what Giann, his brother, saw whenever he looked at Vyn?

He was still Vyn, still the same man with the silver hair and pale gold eyes whose gaze can easily turn razor sharp upon command, but overlaid with that one single layer that changed everything: vulnerability.

This time, Vyn was showing his vulnerable side. Marius gulped. Was this one of those instances where Vyn let slip something in a calculated manner, to lead the situation into an outcome of his own choosing? Marius wouldn't put it past his tutor. He'd seen Vyn pull that off one too many times; some attempts were done on Marius himself, only to be realized on hindsight.

Is this what Giann sees when he looks at you?

Marius reached out a tentative hand to Vyn's face: fingertips tracing jawline; thumb running across his lips.

Vyn's now-wide open eyes, stripped of its usual passive scorn that served as his thorns, made him look younger.

"Do with me as you will, Marius," Vyn whispered as he inwardly burned under Marius's scrutiny. "If that would satisfy you."

Something in Marius snapped.

"Like hell it would," he hissed as he pushed Vyn down to the bed by his shoulders, with such force that it completely dislodged the doctor's glasses from his face.

"Ah--!"

Despite himself, Vyn's distressed yelp surprised even Marius. It was something he had never heard from him before; who was this body snatcher, and why did he choose Vyn's body to take over?

"My, how the tables have turned, Professor." Marius's lips suddenly curled into a twisted smile, attempting to channel Vyn's cruelty. "I wonder what you were thinking when you decided to go here. You know how much you pissed me off."

The student was now the one pinning the teacher to the bed--Marius held both of Vyn's wrists to his sides, straddling the older man--and with the taller, younger student's weight not even Vyn's well-trained core strength could push him off...that is, if Vyn even tried to struggle.

The doctor just laid passively, body limp, not even meeting Marius's gaze.

"Just do whatever and get it over with," murmured Vyn. Even his voice was limp, resigned.

"..."

Marius let go of Vyn's wrists, and covered his face with his hands. "Ah, shit, I can't do this." He rolled off of Vyn, giving up on his hold over his erstwhile tormentor.

"How do you even do it, Vyn?" Marius said, voice plaintive. "I--I just don't have it in me. Not when you're as good as dead, even on my own bed."

"It just means you are a better person than I am," came Vyn's flat voice.

"Yeah?" Marius let out a short, self-derisive laugh.

"So, what now, Vyn? As much as the thought of you lying down on my bed, ripe for my taking is irresistible, I really, really don't feel like it right now." he sighed. "I would have been all over you, maybe if this happened before the entire shitshow. God that would have been mindblowing."

"Probably. Maybe," Vyn pushed himself back onto an upright sitting position and faced his student. "So, I take it that you are no longer...interested anymore?"

"I wish I can give you a straight answer, Vyn. Not kidding when I said I need to collect my thoughts."

"Ah." Vyn moved to get off the bed, but somehow he settled on sitting by the edge of the bed again, his back towards Marius, shoulders slightly hunched over. "I-I will get going, then."

Marius felt despondent by the turn of events. But it was true--he didn't feel like doing anything to Vyn at all, neither retaliation for what the doctor did to him in the atelier, nor to get intimate with him.

He was just emotionally spent.

He was already closing his eyes when he heard a muffled sound coming from Vyn, who still sat there by the edge of his bed, back still facing him, shoulders still hunched over.

Then he saw the nigh-imperceptible shuddering of Vyn's shoulders.

"Vyn?"

No reply from the doctor.

"Vyn?" Marius rolled over and pulled on his tutor's shoulder so that he faced him. "Ah--shit."

Vyn was crying silently.

He bit at his finger to suppress the sound, but tears came flowing copiously down his cheeks, the neckline of his sweater now damp.

"Fuck, don't pull this on me, Vyn," Marius combed his fingers through his hair in sheer, utter frustration. "God, please. I can't take more of this."

"I-I am sorry," was all Vyn said, choking on his words. "...sorry." His crying already discovered, he gave up all pretense of concealing his sobs, the quiet, pitiful sobs that now filled the sacred quiet of Marius's bedroom.

"But why are you crying, man?" Marius was slowly losing it again, clearly not equipped to navigate through the intricacies of fucked up people and their fucked up lives. "H-how can I make it stop? How can I make you feel better?"

Marius's desperate questioning only seemed to make Vyn's sobbing worse.

"I-I am going now. I best be on my...way," Vyn hastily stood up to leave--still crying--but before he could take even three steps away from the bed Marius grabbed him by his waist and threw him back onto the bed.

"The fuck you're leaving my room in that state!" Marius hissed at him. "Are you trying to start rumors about Marius von Hagen...I don't know, abusing his private tutor or something?!"

Vyn visibly winced at Marius's heated words, as if he was indeed physically struck.

"Shit. Shitshitshit." What would Rosa do?

What did Rosa do?

Ah.

Taking a deep breath, Marius reached out with his arms and pulled Vyn towards him, letting the other man cry against his chest. Being the taller one, he let his chin rest atop the silver head as his hands tried, rather clumsily, to soothe Vyn's shuddering back.

Christ. What the fuck is happening.

"Look--Stop crying, okay?" Marius said in the most neutral tone that he could muster, while at the same time groaning inwardly. "Sssh. Come on, Vyn."

Vyn's hands gripped at Marius's shirt, his face still plastered against the student's chest.

Marius closed his eyes, silently counted from one to ten as slow as he could, and upon reaching ten, he said,

"Look, Vyn. Listen to me."

"I hear you."

Marius then gently, yet clumsily extricated Vyn from him, holding him at arm's length--a faithful imitation to what Rosa did for him--and looked at Vyn in his reddened, tear-stricken eyes.

"Vyn, I am going to say this only once, just so we're clear," Marius began, "I still am very, very, wary of you, and let's not kid ourselves, we know that you're good at manipulating people."

Vyn bit his lip, obviously hurt at what Marius outlined for him.

"Now, despite that, I will do this, because regardless of why you're crying, you're still crying, and I swear to god someone crying around me messes me up. Okay?"

Marius didn't bother waiting for Vyn's answer--there was no way the other man didn't hear him.

"That aside, let me make it clear that it could be you crying right now, it could be Rosa, or it could be any cute woman I know, and I will still do this. Okay? Okay."

With all the preamble done, Marius then tipped Vyn's chin towards him and enveloped him in a deep kiss.

His arms slid around Vyn's upper body as they kissed deeply, similar to what happened in the atelier, only this time they were both sitting on Marius's bed.

Deeper, yet gentler. Marius's hand slid upwards to the back of his tutor's head, fingers tangling with the wispy silver strands as he pushed Vyn's mouth closer to his--his tongue sliding past those lovely lips, the lips that he paid great attention to when he did his underdrawing for the portrait--greedily tasting the man who sent his life hurtling to the great uncertainty and beyond.

"I--I do not need your pity--" Vyn tried to break off from the younger's embrace, only to be pressed to his lips once again.

Marius slipped his hands underneath Vyn's layers, caressing his bare skin underneath. "Too late to back out now," Marius whispered as he pulled on the hem of Vyn's loose sweater and slipped it off over the older man's shoulders and arms. "You came here. What did you expect?"

"I only wanted to apologize," Vyn murmured as he averted his gaze from his student who was in the process of peeling off his layers. "That is all."

"It could have waited til I came back, Vyn." Marius's fingers deftly worked on the shirt buttons. "There was no real reason to come here." Finally done with the buttons, he parted Vyn's shirt, letting it slide off the man's lithe arms.

Despite all the talk of him being emotionally spent, the very sight of Vyn's supple, well-toned, naked torso made certain parts of Marius throb.

"Shit. You're really pretty," Marius licked his lips as he dipped down to plant small kisses along the side of his neck. The man smelled of sandalwood and roses--did Vyn specifically put perfume on for him before coming here? Marius thought it made Vyn extra suspicious, but at that point he did not care, not now when the man who filled most of his dreams was now moaning underneath his touches, moans that he never knew he was capable of--oh, indeed Vyn did sing delightfully--and Marius's cock throbbed achingly for him.

One of the things he learned about Vyn from that fateful night in the NXX headquarters was that the man loved to work with his tongue, the man loved to taste, the man loved to tease with that delightful pink tongue of his and so Marius wanted to try it for himself, himself now running his own tongue along the pale-skinned man's collarbone, taking his own sweet time now that they are in his room with no upcoming obligations--not that Marius would even care, anyway.

As far as he was concerned, the only important thing in the world right now is Vyn trembling in his arms.

Marius shifted Vyn so the older man leaned further back, supported by his strong arms. This gave him better access to Vyn's chest and stomach; the student slowly licked his way down from the secret beauty mark off the side of his tutor's right collarbone, down to one of his nipples now captured by his lips.

Marius gave it an tentative lick, feeling the nub harden underneath the wet touch of his tongue-tip. "M-Marius..." Vyn moaned.

Spurred on, turned on by Vyn moaning his name out loud--his name, and not his brother's--he lightly sucked on the nipple as one of his hands found the other, gently rolling it with a thumb and forefinger.

The shuddering now came strongly; Vyn now writhed in his arms, the trembling coming in sweet and enticing to Marius's sense of touch. He started craving for more of that heady, intoxicating, erotic reaction from the very object of his confused obsession--the delicious, sweet trembling under his fingers so palpable Marius almost believed he can make a sculpture inspired by it.

"Please..." Vyn's voice barely carried underneath his fast, shallow breathing.

"Please?" Marius whispered, still taking his time tasting the man's fragrant skin. "Please what." His lips left a trail of small, reverent kisses down Vyn's stomach.

"Take me."

"Ah, shit." Marius once again pushed Vyn down onto his bedsheets--gently, this time--and beheld the very evidence of the older man's arousal. The hard on straining through Vyn's pants was unmistakable. "You really want me, Vyn?"

"Yes."

Marius remembered that he had to say something before things went further.

"Full disclosure, Vyn," Marius gulped. "Before that time in the headquarters, I haven't touched another man. And my own sexual escapades has been limited. I was not lying when I said I wasn't a playboy like the tabloids make it out to be.

"So yeah, while I was walking around with this desire to fuck you for all these years, I actually am. Not experienced on how to actually fuck you."

Marius expected Vyn to laugh at him, but what he got instead was a faceful of Vyn Richter throwing himself at him, kissing his face all over with abandon. "Really now?" Vyn murmured as he licked the side of his student's face. "You're inexperienced?"

"The life of a serious art student isn't all parties and orgies, Vyn--ah---god, that's good." Marius tilted his head back as Vyn licked into his earlobe.

"But you want to fuck me?" Vyn whispered urgently as his hands slid down to his waist to undo his own belt buckle and the buttons of his pants.

"Yes, Vyn, I've wanted to fuck you senseless ever since you took my hand and invited me to come mess with the man who bullied Giann," Marius whispered, referencing one of his earlier memories with Vyn as a younger teenager.

He helped Vyn slip out of his pants and underwear.

"That was a long time ago, Marius."

"Vyn..." Marius leaned over to give his tutor an openmouthed kiss, their tongues sliding against each other, tasting each other, his hand sliding down to grasp the older man's cock.

"...you were my first sexual awakening."

"Hahh--I...I did not know..." Vyn shivered as he felt Marius's hand pump his shaft on a slow, measured, sensual pace. "Marius, I..."

"Teach me, Professor," Marius panted as he continued his ministrations on the other man's shaft. "Teach me how to fuck you."

"Very well."

Vyn laid down on his back over Marius's pillows. He reached out for one of Marius's hands, bringing it to his lips and slowly, languorously licked and sucked each of his fingers.

"Fuck, Vyn," Marius felt his cock strain harder against his pants as it twitched. "You look so sexy doing that. Ah, shit..."

The tutor kept at slathering his student's fingers with copious amounts of his saliva. Then, finally satisfied with how saturated Marius's fingers were with his spit, Vyn adjusted his position on the bed, lifting his ass a little bit, and guided his student's fingers down towards his entrance.

"Go ahead," Vyn's breath hitched in anticipation. "Slide it inside."

Fingers slightly shaking, wondering it he may accidentally hurt the other man, Marius carefully prodded the tip of his middle finger against the pert ring of muscle. To his surprise it slid inside easily, and Marius, for a single, delicious moment forgot how to breathe, his attention rapt at watching his very own finger fuck Vyn in the ass.

Gulping nervously Marius slipped his index finger next, both of his fingers inside Vyn carefully sliding in and out--

"Don't be so--ahn--afraid, Marius," Vyn now bit his finger again, trying to suppress the moaning that increasingly became louder and more frequent. "You have to--ah--loosen me up..."

"Shit," Marius's breathing transitioned into panting, increasingly turned on with the heavenly sight in front of him: Vyn writhing ever so deliciously over his pillows, his pretty cock at full mast; Marius's own fingers sliding in and out of Vyn's hole.

"God...Vyn, think you can take a third finger?"

"Y-yes..." His tutor now grabbed at the bedsheets, biting his lip as Marius tried to insert his ring finger as the third. "Aah--!"

Marius, now concentrating on loosening the tight muscle clamping down on his digits as his tutor had instructed, pressed down bit by bit until all three fingers are buried knuckle-deep.

"God, Vyn, please, let me fuck you now," Marius rode his thumb into the garter of his lounge pants and pulled out his own cock: painfully erect for some time now, tipped with precum, and quite ready to fuck his Professor.

"No not yet," Vyn moaned out loud. "Come here."

Not pulling his fingers out of Vyn's ass, Marius shifted to Vyn's side and could only groan in response when Vyn leaned slightly forward to take the student's cock in his mouth.

"Aaaahh shit," Marius panted, a loopy grin on his face, not entirely believing that he was on the receiving end of Vyn's blowjob. "This--should be fucking illegal."

Having slathered Marius's shaft with enough spit, Vyn finally let go. "If you were four years younger, yes it would be illegal," Vyn said, a touch impatient and horny. "Now feel free to fuck me. Legally."

"Yes, Professor Richter," Marius hummed as he carefully slipped out his fingers from his tutor's ass and replaced it with his cock, sitting along the entrance of his ring of muscle at first, then with slow, careful movements prodded forward inch by voluptuous inch.

"Oh, fuck," Vyn moaned, as if in pain.

"Vyn," Marius managed to stop himself from wrecking his tutor's ass with abandon. "Are you alright? What am I doing wrong?"

"N-nothing!" Vyn winced. "Continue fucking me!" His hands left the bedsheets, instead throwing his arms around Marius's shoulders to hang onto him tightly, so tightly that his nails dug into his student's flesh at the back.

It felt so amazingly, wonderfully hot, the way his inner walls clamped tightly around his shaft, yet even Marius could tell that Vyn needed to relax a little.

Would this help? Marius slipped a hand between them to work Vyn's cock with the same saliva-coated hand that he used to prepare him, and sure enough that distracted his tutor a bit, allowing Marius to fully hilt himself in one more thrust.

"Marius!" Vyn cried in response, then muffled his further cries by pulling his student in for another kiss. "Mmph--"

There was no need for further instruction. Marius started to move his hips, carefully and steadily, thoroughly enjoying the actual sensation of how it feels like to fuck his very own Vyn.

He frequently had wet dreams of him making love to his childhood friend, and now tutor, but the sensations in the dream were mere approximation of how he expected sex with him would feel like.

Now he was actually fucking him: Vyn's tight walls clamping down around his cock so deliciously, Vyn's sinful tongue thrashing against his in Marius's mouth, Vyn's fingernails digging desperately into the flesh of his back--Marius now has actual experience to base his future wet dreams on.

It felt glorious. Exhilarating. Manic.

"Mmph--Vyn, I'm about to come," Marius murmured against Vyn's lips. "Is--is it okay if I move faster?"

"Yes--ahh!" Vyn tightened his hold around Marius's neck as his student started to pummel him, each thrust hitting his walls hard.

To distract him, and also to help him chase his release, Marius pumped Vyn's cock on the same rhythm of his fucking--their hot, rapid breaths mingling, the sensations between them becoming more electric, their combined moans and cries filling the room wantonly, the bed frame creaking--

And the tide came, first washing over Vyn, a loud guttural moan escaping his throat. He arched backwards, losing himself to the strong climax that came in bursts of white and propelled with such force that a few white threads splattered his pale, previously pristine cheek.

"Hahaha, shit, you came a lot," Marius was about to laugh, but the erotic, dirty display of Vyn's cheek touched with his own sperm turned him on so much--"Oh shit, I'm coming too", he moaned with such urgency--that he came, his own come splashing inside Vyn, coating the man's inner walls white.

Both men--student and teacher--spent, they let their limbs stay tangled as they rested and caught their breaths on the sheets.

"Hahh--Vyn," Marius leaned over to lick the sperm off Vyn's cheek. His tutor's come tasted slightly bitter, tempered out with a little sweetness that was quite hard to catch. "Your sperm tastes just like you."

"You do not make sense, Marius," Vyn buried his face into one of the pillows. "Of course it would taste of me. It IS me."

Marius quietly beheld Vyn's face: flushed, forehead slick with sweat, his usually well-arranged hair now sticking out at odd angles, slightly dripping with sweat, his eyes, still slightly puffy from his crying earlier, hooded behind his silver lashes...

It was a beautiful, debauched sight. One that Marius thought would only exist in dreams.

But be that as it may, there were still things that need to be ironed out.

"Vyn."

"Yes?"

"I'm not my brother. How do you feel about me?"

"I do not know. I came here only to apologize, not fuck Giann's little brother."

"Fair enough."

"But," Vyn moved closer to bury his face against the crook of Marius's neck. "I suppose I will start seeing you. In that...way."

It's a start, at least.

===

Artem tapped the butt end of his pile of papers against the surface of the conference table, aligning the pages. "At least we know what to look for, and where to look for them," he said as he slipped the files into his binder. "Luke, where--"

"Holy shit, Marius! Is there something wrong with Marius, Vyn?!" Luke's voice carried through the corridor, prompting Artem and Rosa to run out of the conference room and join him in the corridor.

Marius was on the floor, Vyn on top of him. The way the doctor straddled Marius was a bit too odd for someone who was supposed to administer CPR.

This time, it was Rosa who cleared her throat, and swiftly dragged Luke and Artem by their arms, all the way outside the NXX headquarters. "Marius is fine! You did not see anything!"

"But--"

"He is fine, Luke!" Rosa interrupted, not letting her best friend get a word in edgewise. "Let Dr. Richter um, treat him!"

"Ookay?"

In the meantime, Artem was oddly quiet, a red flush creeping from his collar up to his entire face.

Rosa pulled on their arms--linked in arm-in-arm manner, as if they were middle schoolers on the way to the ice cream shop and not members of an elite investigative team--all the way to the parking lot.

"You guys feel like eating out?" Rosa asked her two colleagues. "I know a nice place where we can drink afterwards too!"

"Oh, uh--I'm not very good with alcohol, so..." Artem mumbled, wanting to join in but exercising prudence with alcohol.

"That's fine!" Rosa smiled, still keeping her arm-in-arm hold on Luke and Artem--making sure their upper arms pressed against her breasts--you guys can totally crash in my place if you get too sloshed."

"Er, that's not, uh--" Artem stammered.

Luke, however, being the platonic best friend so far, was keen on the idea. "Yeah, that's a great idea, Watson!"

"Yes," Rosa smiled immaculately. "It'll be fun."

[floating-mid-air]

The Princess of all Saiyans

 -

 Masterlist

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Hey Everyone! It's been a while. My life's been kind of hectic the past couple of months. Long story short: I Graduated from Highschool this year, so I was busy with everything having to do with that. Then my summer job sadly prevented me from writing as well. And then I started College, which was a big change for me. For now, there are no more chapters in my life opening or closing. Now I'm finally in a place where I feel comfortable continuing this book again. I could've honestly been writing during all of this chaos. But I wouldn't have been pleased with the quality of my writing. I'm really excited to get back into the swing of things. I don't think this chapter panned out the way I originally planned, but I'm still happy with it. As always, I hope you enjoy it. And if you have any comments or concerns, feel free to let me know. My inbox is always open!

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Chapter 11

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You've been walking for quite some time now, and the experience has been excruciating. You haven't been in this much pain since you and Raditz were on planet Telia, ten-something years ago. Those damn underlings were able to get a good sneak attack on you. Though you can't say, you let them get away scot-free. You made sure to make their entire dreadful race pay for that injury. You and Raditz had covered up that incident, much like you're doing with your current injury.

"So---" You can hear Goku talking to Krillin from just slightly left of you. "Did you guys find the senzu beans?" Wow, Kakarot may be the least subtle creature you've ever encountered.

"Ya." Krillin chuckles. "All four of us were in pretty rough shape." Goku glances at you with a worried look on his face. You glare at him as Raditz eyes the two of you skeptically. He knows something's off between the two of you. Maybe something serious did happen while you and his brother were trapped together. 

A bit more time has passed, and you've been trying your best to keep up with the others. But it isn't as easy as you thought. You're now trailing behind the rest of them, with Raditz turning back to look at you every so often. The largest Saiyan slows down to catch up with your slower pace, now walking beside you.

He turns to you, whispering in a low tone. "Something's off." Raditz can no longer stay silent about his concerns. First, it was the strange vibes between you and Kakarot. And now it's your out-of-character demeanor making him uneasy.

"About what?"

"You. Typically you walk beside your brother, and when he doesn't let you, you make sure you're always only a few paces behind. But right now, you couldn't be more content to trail everyone. Plus, you're far too confident to not be in the very front." Raditz has been around far too long for your liking. Damn him. He knows you far too well, and you hate him for it.

You roll your eyes at him. "So this conclusion of yours is based on the way I'm walking? I'm tired. When I fought, Burter, that physically drained me. And then I got trapped in a ditch with your moronic brother, that mentally drained me. I'm exhausted, Raditz." 

"It's not just the way you're walking. It's your mannerisms as well." He points at your side. "Your hand hasn't moved from your side from the moment I first saw you."

"God, Raditz." You scoff. "Stop overanalyzing everything."

"Getting defensive now? That's your M.O whenever you're hiding something." He looks back and forth between your face and your hand that has remained glued to your side. The gears in the older Saiyan's head slowly but surely turning. " Y/N, are you hurt?" 

"No." You snap your eyes shut, biting your lip hard enough to draw blood in an attempt to suppress a wince of pain. "I'm fine."

He tilts his head at you. "Y/N, I know you claim otherwise, but I'm not stupid. I know you're in pain."

You chuckle softly in a self-pitying way. "Am I that easy to read?"

Raditz shakes his head, smiling to himself. "No, I've just known you for a long time now." He returns to his serious demeanor, his gaze returning to the area of your wound. "How bad is it?"

"I barely feel it at all. Though, climbing out of that ditch must have reopened the cut."

Raditz snickers. "You're a bad liar."

"That's strange. I've been told in the past that I'm quite good at lying."

A smirk spreads across Raditz's lips. "Well, you apparently aren't when I'm involved."

The larger Saiyan glances at the back of your brother's head. You respond with a glare, firmly pulling on a large chunk of his hair. You know what Raditz wants to do, and it's not happening. "Don't even think about it."

"I-I think we should tell him Y/N."

"No." You let go of his hair, tapping his chest with extreme force. "You're going to keep your big mouth shut. Vegeta will freak out. You know how irrational he gets."

Raditz decides to let you have your way--- for now. The man can't help but wonder why you're so stubborn, but then again, his nature isn't much different from yours.

With every minute that passes, your condition only seems to worsen. Your eyes even start to droop. "Y/N?" Raditz turns to you, his features beginning to fill with worry. He places one of his large hands on your forehead. You're burning up. "You have a fever. Your wound must be infected."

"No." You shake your head in disagreement, almost like a child. As your mental state becomes more and more delirious. 

"Vegeta!" Raditz shouts, gaining your brother's attention.

"Fuck you, Raditz! You're such a blabbermouth!" You shout at the larger Saiyan in front of you.

"What's wrong this time? Is my sister trying to pull you into another one of her elaborate schemes?"

"Y/N's hurt--- bad." Vegeta's eyes widen, and not even a millisecond later, he rushes to your side. "She has a fever. I think her cut is infected."

"Where is it?" He crosses his arms at you, noticing your hand placed firmly on your side. He moves your hand out of the way with ease, lifting your armor. "How did this happen?"

"Burter nicked me during our fight. It's no big deal."

"No big deal? It's infected, you stupid woman!" He turns his attention to Kakarot. "Did you know about this?"

You snicker. "Oh ya, Vegeta. I get hurt, and the first person I run to tell is Kakarot." Vegeta's fists clench at your sarcastic remark, turning his fit of rage back at you.

"You know, in certain situations, you're more prone to infections. And a planet like Namek checks all of the boxes! You know you need to be more careful. Damn our mother and her faulty genetics!" Sadly that's a trait you had inherited from your mother. On most planets, you'd be fine, and injuring yourself would be no big deal. But Namek has specific conditions that result in you being more vulnerable. 

"Raditz, pick her up." Raditz picks you up, giving you a piggyback ride. You wrap your arms around his neck, giving yourself better balance. Vegeta glances up at you. He looks even madder than usual. "With the condition, you're in, you will not be fighting. You will stay away from Jeice, and you won't even enter the same proximity as Ginyu. Do you understand me?"

"But--"

"No!" His voice booms, gaining the attention of every creature for miles. "I'm not kidding around. Do you understand me?"

You bite your lip, tilting your head downwards, avoiding your brother's gaze like the plague. "Yes, Vegeta." Vegeta returns to the front of the group, his mood sourer than ever.

As Raditz begins to walk, he starts talking to you again. "Are you mad at me?" You don't verbally respond. Instead, you claw into his shoulders, your nails digging into his flesh. "Fuck. I'll take that as a yes."

"You're a tattletale."

Raditz chuckles. "No wonder why Vegeta babies you. You'll thank me for this later, you stubborn woman. And I've kept your secrets before, handfuls of them, actually. Like what happened on planet Telia----" Raditz realized the grave mistake he had just made, mentioning that incident in the presence of the very being you worked so hard to hide it from.

You slap the older Saiyan upside the head as Vegeta turns backward, a scowl plastered on his face. "What happened on plant Telia?" It was a rhetorical question, mocking both you and Raditz. "Oh, the three of us will be discussing this in length later. Because it sounds to me like you both lied to me on that initial report." You and Raditz gulp, you've heard that tone from your brother millions of times now, and it has never once become any less terrifying. 

"Oh, lighten up, Geta." You groan. "That was like, what? Around thirteen years ago?"

"The amount of time that has passed matters very little to me. As I said before, this is a discussion for later."

A few more hours have passed, which honestly feels like days at this point. And considering Namek's strange day cycle, it very well could've been. "How much farther?" Your question was clearly directed at Vegeta. And at this point, you're not even sure he has any idea where you're headed either.

"I don't know why you're the one complaining." Raditz huffs.  "You're not the one doing all of the walking! And if you ask him that one more time, I'm going to drop you." Ok so maybe, that wasn't the first time you've asked that question today. Or the second, or third, you're very bored. 

"Man Raditz." You roll your eyes, which are barely open at this point. "You sure complain--- a lot."

"You were just complaining." The long-haired Saiyan grumbles. 

"No, I simply asked Vegeta a question. There's a difference Raditz. I know it's hard for your feeble mind to understand." When you're sick, you tend to act, oh what's the word? Bitcher than normal. And that's saying a lot.

Raditz clenches his jaw. "Vegeta. I need a break from your sister."

"That's how I felt ninety percent of the time I was stuck in a room with you, Nappa, and Cado. And you didn't see me running to wine to Frieza about it."

Before Raditz can retort, your brother interjects. "That's enough! From both of you!"

Krillin, Gohan, and Goku have identical bewildered expressions on their faces. Krillin turns to Vegeta, lowering his voice to a whisper. He doesn't want to be the next victim of your wrath. "Do they always fight like this?" The human finds this perplexing. Back on Earth, the pair seemed inseparable. They appeared to be the Saiyan equivalent of what on Earth would be considered best friends.

Vegeta lets out an exaggerated sigh. "Yes, but typically it's more playful in nature. When my sister is sick, she becomes even brattier than usual."

Vegeta's warning to both of you seems to have fallen on dead ears. Because your quarrel has not ceased, in fact, it has only elevated. "I will drop you, you royal brat!"

"I dare you to you second-class runt. I could still kick your ass even in my delirious state. I wouldn't even have to try very hard."

"I'm considering----"

Before Raditz can even get three words out, your bickering is once again interrupted, and not by the person you may think. "Enough!" Gohan shouts. You honestly forgot the others were here for a moment."If you two keep fighting like this, you're going to get all of us killed!" You and Raditz stare at the boy in shock. It's been a long time since the two of you have been yelled at by a child. The last time being when you were children yourselves. Vegeta hasn't changed much since childhood. He's been bossing you around and shouting at you since you were children, but I'm sure that's not very surprising. 

"Ya, and I can take Y/N---- if you need a break." Goku rubs the back of his neck, chuckling sheepishly. "Not that I want to hold Y/N or anything."

"No." You rapidly shake your head. "Raditz, I'm sorry. I'll be good now--- I promise."

A wicked grin spreads across Raditz's lips right before he grabs your hands with his larger ones. He loosens your grip around his neck, moving your body with ease, scooping you up into his arms. Every step Raditz takes toward Goku seems even more antagonizing slower than the last. Until he's standing directly in front of his younger brother. He elevates his arms slightly, dropping you right in front of an unsuspecting Goku.

Lucky for you, Goku has sharp reflexes. That allows the Saiyan to catch you easily. Raditz look's his brother dead in the eyes, his typical arrogant grin still on his lips. "She's your problem now, Kakarot." Raditz gazes downward to look at you. "Stop pouting. Maybe next time, you'll be nicer to good old Raditz."

A low growl echoes in the back of your throat as you glare daggers at the Saiyan standing before you. "Ya, or maybe next time, I'll rip out your tail and strangle you with it!" The only thing that's stopping you from lunging at Raditz is Goku's firm grip holding you in place.

Rather than arguing that the entire group has become accustomed to, the whole area has become dead silent. You're no longer pouting. Instead, you are glaring at the man who continues to carry you bridal style. You've never liked being held like this. It makes you feel weak like you have no control over your own body.

What makes you even more irritated, Is how Goku reacts to your death stare. He just grins at you. Does he just never get angry? What kind of Saiyan is he? It fills you with so much anger that someone as dopey as Kakarot has Saiyan blood flowing through his veins. 

You clench your fists. You just wanna punch Kakarot so badly. He just has such a punchable face. If you could take away his cheery personality, he'd actually be quite attractive. Wait--- what the hell are you thinking? Kakarot is stupid and way too friendly for you to ever think of him in that way.

 You move your fist up, finally giving in to your urges, attempting to punch the man holding you. Probably not your wisest moment, but your brain isn't functioning normally right now. Goku catches your hand with ease. His reflexes are unreal, or maybe this fever has you more sluggish than you believed. You'd prefer to think that it's the second option. He chuckles to himself. He's still not upset. What the hell is wrong with him? "Come on, Y/N. You gotta be quicker than that." He's challenging you. How Saiyan like of him. You seem to always be able to find specks of Saiyan nature in the cheerful man. And those are the aspects you actually like about him. 

Your eyes begin to once again feel heavy as your eyes droop shut, just before you fall asleep in the arms of your enemy. 

Twenty-Something Years Ago:

You're sitting on your bed, sitting crisscrossed, a book laying open on your lap. Since your father is currently off-planet, you can read all you want. You're enamored with your newest book. It's all about a topic referred to as diplomacy. It's fascinating and has many concepts that are entirely foreign to you, yet at the same time, some of these ideas are also familiar. 

As you read, your door slams open, but you pay the interruption almost no attention, not even bothering to look up from your book. Honestly, the unwelcome intrusion has you more angered than anything else. "God, Vegeta." You roll your eyes. "Haven't you ever heard of knocking?" Something's not right. When Vegeta usually bursts into your room, he's automatically shouting at you.

Out of pure curiosity, you look up from your book. However, standing at your door, you don't find Vegeta. A boy with a very similar appearance but with a much smaller stature stands in your door frame. He's out of breath, desperately huffing for air. "Tarble?" You furrow your brows at your brother, launching off your bed to get closer to him. "What's wrong?" You have this sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. Your twin has never behaved in such a manner before. 

"Captain--- Captain Ginyu is here." Tarble is shaking, his eyes watering slightly.

You scowl ever so slightly. "But Ginyu's not scheduled to be on planet Vegeta any time soon." 

"It's--- It's a surprise visit. What do we do, Y/N?"

You contemplate for a moment before your features fill with alarm. "Tarble? Where's Vegeta?"

His lip quivers as he looks down at the floor. "He's with Captain Ginyu."

"Damn it." You mutter under your breath. Diplomacy is a skill you need right now. And Vegeta doesn't have a single quality that a diplomat possesses. Your elder brother is more likely to unnecessarily provoke the Captain, putting your entire race in hot water with the Frieza Force. 

You rush over to your bedside table, rummaging through the drawer. Once you have your scouter in your hand, you run back over to your brother. "Stay in here, and use this to channel our father. Let him know what's going on." You push past your twin, about to leave, before Tarble's voice calls out to you.

"Wait, Y/N!" You turn back to look at him. "Where are you going?"

"I have to go stop our older brother from doing something stupid. Everything will be fine, I promise. Just calm down and do as I said." And with that, you take off, praying that Vegeta hasn't already done something rash.

As you sprint down the halls of the palace, you run face-first into the torso of a large body. "Princess?"

You look up at the bald Saiyan, the one who's supposed to be at your brother's side at all times. Since the future king of planet Vegeta needs to be protected. "Nappa, Where is my brother?"

The imbecile scratches the back of his neck, contemplating much longer for your liking. "I'm not sure. I haven't seen the runt in quite some time. You should probably ask Vegeta." 

You scowl at the Saiyan. "Not Tarble, you fool! I'm asking you where Vegeta is!"

"Oh, Why didn't you just say so?" It's taking every ounce of restraint you have in your body to not viciously attack Nappa. "He's just outside of the palace." 

You run through Nappa, intentionally knocking the large Saiayn onto the floor. His stupidity lost you precious time. It was quite an amusing sight, though. A mere child, being able to take down one of your father's best warriors. 

You arrive outside of the palace, your eyes landing on your target. This is the first time you've ever seen Captain Ginyu. Sure, you've heard stories of the purple man. And much like your people, Ginyu is just as bloodthirsty and just as ruthless. Much to your surprise, the Captain doesn't have an army behind him. This was just before the Ginyu Force had formed. All Ginyu was at this point in time was a captain of one of Frieza's many armies. 

You walk over to them, now standing at your brother's side. "Captain Ginyu." You speak with your hands, an exaggerated smile appearing on your lips. "To what do we owe the honor?"

The man looks down at you, clearly analyzing you with his scouter. "Well, if this isn't a surprise. I think this is the first time I've had the pleasure of meeting you, Y/N." Ginyu extends his large hand out to you, causing Vegeta to feel a great deal of alarm. Your brother's body has gone tense with an apprehensive look on his face. But when your older brother looks over to you, there isn't even a glint of fear in your eyes. You're calm, almost as if one of Lord Frieza's deadliest warriors was not standing before you. You accept the Captain's hand, presenting him with a short but polite handshake. "Your father doesn't like showing you off much, does he?" 

You chuckle softly. "My father likes to hold his cards close to his chest. I'm sure a man like yourself is quite similar." Sucking up to Ginyu is not your favorite pastime, but it needs to be done. And every Saiyan on this planet knows your big brother is far too prideful to do it himself.

Ginyu looks between you and Vegeta carefully. For someone so highly regarded by Frieza, he sure isn't subtle. He's trying to read your facial expressions. Unfortunately for him, your father has raised you both much better than that. A poker face to you feels more natural than a genuine expression. "Speaking of your father, where is he right now?"

"He's of---"

You quickly cut Vegeta off. "He's in a meeting. That's why our father sent me out. He wanted you to know he sends his regards, but his hands are tied at the moment. He will be here at soon as possible. I hope my brother and I can suffice your needs in the meantime."

Captain Ginyu eyes you skeptically, tilting his head at you ever so slightly. "That sounds serious. I hope it's nothing too pressing."

"Of course not. It's nothing my father can't handle."

You're about to continue your schmoozing, but you're stopped by Vegeta aggressively yanking on your arm. "We need to talk-- in private."

You grimace at your brother's words. He just always has to make everything that much more difficult for you. You turn back to Ginyu, offering the man a cheerful smile. "Will you excuse us for a moment? We'll be right back."

Vegeta drags you around a corner, concealing you both from Ginyu's prying eyes. "What do you think you're doing?" He huffs at you in a whisper. "I had everything under control."

You snicker, crossing your arms. "You were just about to tell Ginyu that our father was off-planet. It sounds to me like I got here just in time to prevent you from making a grave mistake."

"I don't see why that matters."

"And that's the issue, Vegeta. Now we don't have time for this. Let's go." You turn back around, walking back over to Ginyu, Vegeta trailing not far behind. "I'd like to apologize for my brother's rudeness, Captain Ginyu." You shake your head but with a slight smirk across your lips. "All Saiyan men are the same, and my brother is no exception. They're incredibly thickheaded and quite savage. I'm convinced they don't even realize what brutes they are." You watch your brother ball his hands up into fists from beside you. It fills you with an immense feeling of joy knowing you're getting under Vegeta's skin for once. You turn back to Ginyu, plastering that disingenuous grin on your face. "Now, how about we give you a tour of our wonderful planet?"  

You and Vegeta have shown Ginyu around almost the entirety of your planet, and you must admit you're beginning to grow worried. Luckily you've managed to hold off any more questions about your father's whereabouts by charming him with various facts about planet Vegeta. But to be honest, you're not sure how much longer you can hold up this charade for. You've exhausted pretty much every idea that you've been able to come up with.

"Captain Ginyu!" Your father's brash voice invades your ears as you turn around to finally see the man you've been anxiously waiting for. You've never seen your father walk in such an urgent manner, and it's pretty funny watching your twin struggling to keep up with your father's pace. 

Your father places himself between you and Vegeta, ruffling your hair affectionately. You look up at him. "How'd your meeting go?"

Your father meets your gaze, catching onto your deception almost immediately. "It went very well. Thank you both for keeping Captain Ginyu company in my absence, but I think I can handle it from here." He directs his attention back onto Captain Ginyu. "Now, how about we discuss you're abrupt arrival somewhere more private."

The two men exit your field of view, leaving the three of you alone. Tarble, in his typical fashion, glues himself to your side. "What the hell was that?" Vegeta spits out with venom. "Where was your pride? You were basically groveling at his feet."

You furrow your brows at him. "I was doing what needed to be done. And if you think our father isn't currently doing the same thing, you're a bigger fool than I thought."

"I know our father is being more agreeable with him, but not at the cost of his pride."

"It's always about pride with you." You step closer to Vegeta, closing the distance between you. "Your pride today would have cost the loss of countless lives today, Vegeta."

"Then so be it. If there are Saiayn's that inadequate on our planet, we should probably just exterminate them now. It'll save us the hassle later on."

You snicker, shaking your head at Vegeta. "Some King you'll be." You turn to your twin. "Let's go, Tarble. I have no desire to be near our foolish brother right now."

The conversation between Captain Ginyu and your father was brief. It was a very anticlimactic ending to the naked eye. The briefness of this encounter only set off more alarm bells in King Vegeta's head. It was clear to the man that Ginyu's excuse for being on his planet was bullshit. He's just not quite sure what the captain's intentions were, but he sure as hell is going to find out.

As soon as Ginyu left planet Vegeta, he promptly set course for his next destination. He's headed straight to Lord Frieza to report his findings, and he's eager to do so.

 Ginyu arrives on the planet in record time, heading straight for the throne room. Ginyu kneels before Frieza, waiting for his boss to speak. "Captain Ginyu. You're sure back early. I trust you were able to gather enough information on the young prince."

Captain Ginyu nods enthusiastically. "Of course, Lord Frieza. The Price was exactly the same as the previous data we collected on him. He's powerful and quite intelligent for a Saiyan. Though, he did inherit that nasty temper from his father."

Frieza sighs. "How disappointing."

"But I did discover something that you may find interesting, Lord Frieza."

Frieza tilts his head at the man. He can't help but feel intrigued. "Go on." It's not that easy for him to find an advantage over those monkeys, so he'll take any information Ginyu can give him, no matter how minuscule. 

"Y/N--- King Vegeta's daughter piqued my interest greatly. She's not even close to as strong as her brother, but she's remarkably clever. She's very good with words, she knows how to manipulate people. I'd say she might even be better than King Vegeta himself."

"Now, that is fascinating. Good work, Ginyu. I'll look into the Princess's abilities more in-depth later. You're excused."

-

This is just something I felt the need to clarify: So in this chapter's flashback, Vegeta is around three, and Y/N and Tarble are about two. In my head, I picture children on planet Vegeta behaving like miniature adults. My idea is once they leave their chambers (the tanks they are raised in to get their basic Saiyan instincts under control), their minds are fully grown, but their physical growth is quite delayed. That's why they curse and stuff. I have a minuscule window of time to squash in all of my plot ideas. So this was the best way to do so.

[quillsandtypos]

Just Rest

Summary: The reader is sick but is determined to stay in school and it takes her friends to get her to go home and her boyfriend, Luke, to actually relax.

Words: 1.4k

Warnings: none except maybe a little bit of over working and tickling

...........................................

Julie wasn't really paying attention to the world around her until she noticed her two best friends having a conversation at least 18 feet apart for some reason.

"No you are not going to your next class you're going home," Flynn argued.

"Flynn, I'm fine!" you yelled back. You wouldn't have chosen to yell, especially with how your throat was feeling; but Flynn wouldn't come within 12 feet of you.

You noticed Julie approaching and saw your moment to cry for help.

"Julie please tell Fl-" you had started to say but Flynn was quicker than you.

"Please tell y/n to go home because she's sick." She proudly crossed her arms at the fact that she beat you.

Julie turned to you with her eyebrows raised both from confusion but her lips quirked up.

"Y/n are you sick?" she asked, as she walked up to you.

"No, I just have a cold," you stated; though you could feel the congestion building in your head

"You look miserable," Julie commented.

"Right?!? That's what I said!" Flynn yelled.

You scoffed and rolled your eyes, "Seriously, guys I'm fine."

Julie knew how stubborn you were but she was just as stubborn as you, and she was quick on her feet.

"If I check your forehead and it's warm, you are going home."

"Fine," you agreed.

Julie placed the back of her hand on the top of your forehead.

You mentally willed your forehead not to be warm.

She paused for a moment trying to decipher if it was warm.

"Flynn come here," Julie said.

"Oh nuh-uh I love her but I am not getting sick," Flynn quipped.

Julie bit down on a chuckle, "I'll put on hand sanitizer, I just can't tell if she's warm."

Flynn reluctantly let Julie touch her forehead before she walked over to you.

"Oh yep, you're definitely warm," she concluded.

"Okay yes, I do feel sick, but I have a math quiz next period," you admitted.

"Y/n the math quiz will be waiting for you when you get back, I swear," Flynn reassured you.

"But I need to-" you started.

"Y/n I will drag your ass out of this school; we need you on Friday for the gig so go home and rest. Please?"

To be honest you were exhausted and didn't have your usual resolve. So you agreed.

You walked into the main office, which confirmed you had a fever before driving yourself home.

When you got home you made yourself a warm cup of tea. It wasn't very good but it did make your throat feel better so it was a sacrifice you were willing to make. You changed into short sleeves and shorts in case you started getting heat flashes from your temperature. You then settled into bed to watch netflix for a bit. You couldn’t really decide what you wanted to watch but you ended up going for a baking show. After a few hours of lounging around you figured you had taken enough of a break and figured it was time to do some homework. You pulled out this week’s history homework as you started reading the chapter and answering questions. After a short while you saw that someone was trying to facetime you, you looked over to see it was Julia calling.

“Hey Jules how was school?” you asked.

“It was good. I just wanted to check up on you and see how you were doing,” she said as you watched her walk into the studio.

“I mean I’m still not feeling the best but I’ve been in my bed the past couple of hours.” You shifted the camera so you could lay down and still see your phone.

“Y/n?” Julie asked.

“Yeah?” you responded absentmindedly stoking your blanket.

“Did I just see the history homework for this week?”

You grimaced and sighed. “Would you believe me if I said no?”

Julie groaned, “Y/n first of all you are lucky I love you and secondly, do not make me send your boyfriend over there,” she threatened, in a halfway joking manner.

You saw her turn and speak and you knew that she had to be talking to one of the guys since you couldn’t see them through phones.

After a few seconds of mumbling Julie turned back around to face you. “Luke says he is more than happy to keep you company.” She tried to keep her face neutral but she had a certain amount of smugness that you couldn’t help but notice.

You looked in the general direction of where you assumed Luke to be. “It’s okay Luke, thank you, but I’m fine. I’m just going to finish this history homework and then I’ll be done,” you promised.

“Luke wants to know when that’s due,” she said, with a knowing look in her eyes.

You tightly pulled your lips in before mumbling that it was next Tuesday; suddenly you chose to become very interested with your pillows.

You didn’t see it but Julie had turned around to talk to the guys. “I didn’t want to have to do this but we need her for Friday and we can spare you today, so Luke, you’re up.”

In a second your very smug looking boyfriend was in your room. He promptly flopped onto your bed, and partially landed on top of you.

You winced slightly and a slight hiss of pain escaped your mouth, but it definitely let Julie know that he was there

“Okay great, since you are a ghost you won’t be able to catch what she has.”

“You got it Jules.” Luke agreed, but now she couldn’t hear him.

“I’m going to go practice, and Luke your job is to make sure she rests. Bye, love you two.”

“Bye love you too,” you said as she waved. You sat yourself slightly up to look at your boyfriend. You propped yourself up with your hands since you couldn’t currently move your legs since they were being layed on.

“How’s it going down there?” you asked.

“Good, your bed is really soft,” Luke commented as he buried his face into it.

You tried to pick up your homework quietly but Luke quickly caught on to what was happening and snatched it out of your hands.

“Hey!” You tried to snatch it back but Luke held it behind his back.

After several failed attempts at trying to get it back Luke cracked into a smile.

“When are you going to give up, y/l/n?” he asked, chuckling.

“When you give me my homework back, Patterson,” you retorted, trying to make another grab for your papers. As you reached up to grab it, you felt his hand tweak your side and you shot back down.

“I’m sick, so that’s not allowed.”

Luke pinned you in place with his eye contact. “Well then you are definitely not ‘allowed’ to be doing homework, especially when it’s due a week in advance.”

“But Luke-” you had started to say but Luke reached over and tasered your ribs.

You squeaked but you otherwise couldn’t move.

Luke got up to put your work back in your backpack before climbing back on top of your bed again.

He smirked over at you. “And if you try to touch it again, I will tickle you.”

You raised your hands in surrender.

“Yeah that’s what I thought,” he said as he crawled over top of you and softly kissed your forehead.

He rolled over to your side and pulled you closer into him. You were ever so thankful when you and Julie figured out you could touch them, cuddling had practically become a pastime for you and Luke.

As you drew closer to him he wrapped his arms around your midsection. He asked if he could rub your back, which you said yes to, because you could never turn it down.

Luke stoked up and down your back, ever so lightly. You layed like this for minutes, both enjoying one another’s presence.

When he hit spot in between your shoulder blade and spine that made you melt further into him, he took pity on your weakened, sick state, and choose not to comment it,

“Do you still feel like you need to do your homework now?” he teased.

“Mhmm, maybe,” you sleepily said.

“Is that so?” he asked, though it most likely rhetorical as had moved one of his hands to lightly scribble at the back of your neck.

“Adachckk! Okhahah, nohohoh!” you giggled out.

“Mhmm, I think you might need some more convincing princess,” Luke mocked.

“Nohohoh!” you screeched; but your laughter was already starting to get wheezy and you were coughing, so Luke stopped.

He pulled the blankets tighter around the two of you, and pulled you in closer. “Goodnight gorgeous,” he whispered; and placed a tender kiss on your lips. Soon enough you were a mess of tangled limbs, but you were fast asleep in Luke’s arms.

[prompts-of-a-dreamer]

Levi : Does He Like Women?

I'm pretty sure that if you've been in the Attack on Titan fandom for a while, you've heard about 'proof' of Levi being gay from an interview with Isayama. Let's dive a little bit into it, and determine whether or not is this true.

The interview quoted is from a Bessatsu Manga fan event, it is most likely a question from an event called 'Another Maga Thanksgiving 2014' (most likely because I read a comment stating so, but when I searched up the terms no official sources stated the interview, only fans did)

The only source of this particular dialogue was from a tweet by the user @ b5559247 replying to @ aira_toka

Here's the 'original' Japanese transcript:

Ｑ．リヴァイ兵長の好きな女性のタイプを教えてください。

"Rivai Heichō no sukina josei no taipu o oshietekudasai."

Ａ．女性が好きなんですかねえ…？…小さい人って背の高い人を好きになるじゃないですか…。もしかしたら背の高い人が好きかもしれません。

"Josei ga sukinandesu ka nee ....? ....Chīsai hito tte senotakai hito o sukininaru janaidesu ka…. Moshika shitara senotakai hito ga suki kamo shiremasen."

The most common English transcript used for that is:

Q: What type of woman does Levi like?

A: Does he like women, though ... Short people tend to like taller people, so it's possible that he likes tall people.

A lot of fans, at the time mostly 'fujoshis', interpret this as Levi being BL/gay. Some others think he is ace/aro or bi/pan.

However, there are other lesser-known translations for the Q&A. I'm not a native Japanese speaker nor am I proficient at the language.

However other people translate the line :

"Josei ga sukinandesu ka nee...?"

as

"What type of woman does he like, huh...?" (repeating the original question as a rhetorical) instead of "Does he like women, though...?"

This one is based on context, taking into consideration the Q line. Also the ending 'ka nee?' is, although not a formal ending, used mostly as a rhetorical, like adding ' ..., right?' or '...., isn't it?' at the end of a sentence.

The word 'moshika shitara' is also used, which means 'probably', so Levi 'probably' likes tall people. The term 'people' was not an attempt to discreet Levi being gay by the translator, the interview sincerely uses 'hito', which means human with no definitive gender.

The language used may be suggestive, or Isayama never really thought about it and had to make up a sort-of answer during the interview.

I will remind you again that this interview has never been stated in any official sources - only the fans have been spreading it around, therefore it cannot be taken as 'canon proof' as interviews could be fabricated by fans or taken out of context. AoT Editor Kawakubo Shintaro has asked and advised not to take everything mentioned at some fan events as strictly canon, as some things mentioned may be subject to change. Since most of the time these questions are asked in an informal manner, fans are asked to take this information as not strictly canon.

In the Ilse Langnar OVA 'Ilse's Notebook', there was a scene in which Hange, known to be the closest person to Levi, had the following conversation with Oruo :

H :"Let's say that, hypothetically, Levi's trying to kill you. Kill you dead. What would you do? Can you fight and beat him?"

O : "No way. That'd be impossible. Also, I can't breathe."

H :"Let me tell you how to win. You do the research. You figure out where he goes, the food he dislikes, the girls he likes, and how many times he goes to the bathroom."

Hange's statement in the anime hints that Levi does like women. After all could it be that someone so close to him not know his sexual preference? Not to mention that Hange is extremely observant - there's no way they'd miss something like that about Levi, right?

Well, sadly, in the canon manga this scene never existed. It was probably only added by WIT to extend the runtime of the OVA. I have no idea if Isayama has a say in how his manga is being adapted, so it could be that he approved the dialogue, or not. It's very unclear.

But what about LeviHan/EreRi/EruRi/Rivetra (or most recently, Levi x Zeke)? Well, those are all fanon ships since there is no official statement from Isayama. There is nothing wrong with shipping him, with whichever character you'd like, but keep in mind that it stays fanon and he still has no canon lover.

There are some people who states that Isayama confirmed that Levi has never had a crush (suggesting he is aromantic), but my efforts to find the original source came up null. Levi, however, has no canon love interest in the manga.

If Levi is aromantic, what about the Ackerbond? Well, first and foremost, the Ackerbond isn't confirmed to be real, and if it was, the Ackerbond is a heightened sense of trust and loyalty, not romantic love specifically.

Conclusion:

The entire research and thread has proved inconclusive - that Levi's sexuality has never been confirmed, nor does he have any lover that would indicate something.

Personally, I'm more a fan of asexual Levi, take it with a grain of salt, but you can headcanon him as anything you want or ship him with anyone you like.

If you'd like to correct something with citation and sources or add your opinion, please do so, but nicely and respectfully. I know this is a pretty controversial topic, and any insights would be welcome.

[heartofspells]

YAY. It's so much fun! Okay okay okay, my love, could I please get 19, 28 and 44 pretty pretty please.

They always are, aren't they? And of course you can, sweetie!

19. Do you edit your fics after you write them, or do you prefer to just hit post and run (because it’s someone else’s problem now)?

Short answer: yes (mostly; sometimes i got lazy and would just post with a note warning it was unedited, but that was rare)

Long answer: Yes. I have always scoured my writing before posting, reading over it several times, searching out things I've missed. BUT NOW!!! I have a beta. She bullied me into it, don't let her lie and tell you differently (but she's fantastic and i'm thrilled by and with her)

28. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie: pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc)?

When I first got back into writing and starting diving into multi-chaptered things, the pressure was a lot, even though I always told myself not to stress. I inevitably did every time. I set my own self up for failure. I know how my life is, how my mind works, but I'd set a specific day of the week for updates and then fall behind on the actual writing part, scrambling to finish on time like there was something tremendous riding on it, life or death. I've stopped that now. No posting dates. The chapters come when they come. And when it takes a while, I feel guilty, but I remind myself that this is meant to be fun and a way to keep my sanity, not lose it.

Also, I'm terrible with deadlines. Don't talk to me about those. I panic at the very word. 😅

As for negative comments, I've honestly been incredibly lucky with that so far (especially seeing what other people have or are dealing with). I've not had many, and the ones that could veer slightly negative are mostly just personal opinions and views on what I've included. But for the things I sometimes write, I'm a little astounded it hasn't happened more and with much more force. But I'm waiting for when it inevitably starts. If it does, I'll handle it like an adult. It might sting a bit, but I've got thick skin. I'll either respond as I see fit, or ignore it.

44. Rant about something writing related.

So I am tired. Like, indescribably tired. It's been a long day and I've just finished writing something...incredibly difficult that's left me a bit wrung dry. Which is probably the worst time to ask me to rant about anything because the fingers and brain are loose, leaving little restraint. But on that note:

Let's talk about the writing of difficult things for a minute. Because I have questions. Questions probably no one can answer and they're mostly rhetorical, but questions nonetheless.

You sit down to write something. You've got it all planned out, know exactly how it's going to go, written it all in your head beforehand. It's mostly light, or maybe just a little angsty. You're passionate about it. You want to write it. But when you get there, the struggle comes. That fight for words you know but won't emerge. They're there, like trying to speak, something on the tip of your tongue, but you can't quite grasp it, can't make it release itself and make itself known.

But you sit down to write something just as planned that's just...gut-wrenching, heart-tearing, something that shreds you to pieces from the inside out. You know it's going to happen, you're ready for it, you prepare, or you think you do, but you're never quite prepared enough. But still, those words, they just flow. You can't stop, fingers flying over the page or the keys like they have a mind of their own. You sink into it, the worst possible things, the most unimaginable, painful, ripping atrocities, and there it is, so easy.

Why is that?

Send me something from this writer ask!

[suganovakawa]

𝐒𝐀𝐔𝐃𝐀𝐃𝐄 .

PAIRINGS : tooru oikawa x fem! reader , slight hajime iwaizumi x fem! reader

GENRE : angst , romance

WARNINGS : cursing , car accident , recovery from amnesia

SYNOPSIS : tooru doesn’t understand how special you are to him until he comes close to losing you forever . as he struggles to comes to grips with his feelings and balance it with his future , you still have to recover from your own injuries , but without your memories to assist you .

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐗𝐈𝐈 < [ 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐗𝐈𝐈𝐈 ] > 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐗𝐈𝐕

enough is enough; it’s time to give hajime an ultimatum.

word count : 1.3k

saudade masterlist .

SAUDADE

( 𝐧 . ) a nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone that is distant , or that has been loved and then lost ; “ the love that remains ”

⠀"you've been silent ever since we got here." your eyes lazily met hajime's, which were strained with concern and confusion. "c'mon, if i'm paying, then you gotta at least tell me what's on your mind." he solidified his statement by reaching out to place his hand on top of yours, gently squeezing it within his palm. you enjoyed the warmth he radiated, though you remained silent and simply kept your hand there without reaction.

⠀you felt lost, more lost than ever before. more questions began to pile and stack up higher and higher, and not even a slimmer of an answer had shown itself yet. an endless labyrinth of mystery, that became worse with every turn you took. you were frustrated with yourself. you were frustrated with iwaizumi. you were frustrated with oikawa. you were frustrated with the world.

⠀"y/n." he said it more firmly this time, now getting impatient with your silence. "stop staring into space, i'm right here. you know you can tell me what's going on in your mind. i'll do my best to help or assist you in anyway i can."

⠀that was a lie, you knew it was, and he knew it was. you almost laughed. he'd tell you jackshit. he only wanted to help if it would make him look better in your eyes. why? did you hate him before everything happen? is he trying to make amends? is that why he refuses to tell you anything that would trigger any memories to clear up? what was he achieving by keeping your own life a secret? he had every answer you wanted, and wouldn't tell you anything from it.

⠀to make matters worse for yourself, now, you couldn't trust oikawa. there was something there. you felt it. your body, your nerves, your heart felt different. the atmosphere around the injured third year became different. your subconscious remembered something your brain hadn't picked up on yet. your body reacted on its own whenever tooru came into sight, your instincts telling you to flee, to get out of there as quickly as possible. you only had your instincts to trust at this point; instincts, and a gut feeling. even then, your gut feeling seemed to enjoy remain dormant.

⠀"it's nothing, hajime. i just didn't get enough sleep last night." you snapped at him lightly, your frustration building up as you sat back, removing your hand from his hold. "i'll be fine. thanks for taking me out today. i almost thought you'd forget."

⠀"never." his smile was almost arrogant, crossing his arms and sitting back in his own chair. "like i said, it's my treat. i wouldn't go back on my word."

⠀"right..." you were bored of him at this point. he was just fishing and hoping that you would praise him for his selfless actions. "it's friday, right? i've got nothing to do this weekend." you were partially talking to yourself, your thoughts still focused on finding ways to get your memories back. you had no leads, or clues; that wouldn't stop you from trying, though.

⠀"want to do something this weekend?" he shrugged. "not sunday, though. i'm a bit busy then. but saturday i'm free. i'll take you somewhere for the day. again, my treat."

⠀"you need to let me pay one of these days. i'm not entirely broke." you huffed and shook your head, before shrugging lightly to his suggestion. "i guess so. i've got nothing to do, either. i might sleep early tonight, though. i need it." that was a lie. you just wanted to get away from him for the rest of the day so you could do stuff on your own.

⠀"that's a good idea. sleep is important. you need your rest."

⠀you yawned to solidify the thought. "my thoughts exactly."

⠀"i'll text you tomorrow about it. for now, i'll just walk you home." you nodded, and in no time, the two of you walked out and as promised, he made sure to walk you all the way up to your front step. "here we are. i'll see you tomorrow, y/n."

⠀you took a chance. as he turned around to walk away, you grabbed his wrist, almost desperately, and pulled him back to turn him around. he was silent, but his eyes were fixated entirely on yours. you used this chance to look into his irises, to see any possible sign of him hiding something, anything from you. his eyes were completely unreadable. there was nothing there, but so many things all at once. like he had everything but nothing at his disposal. "please, hajime." you begged quietly, your lips quivering. "please, i just want to know something from before the accident. i want to remember. i want to recall. nothing has come back to me." he tried to pull away but you only grasped onto him tighter. "just one thing, hajime. that's all i ask for. tell me at least one thing if you can't tell me everything. stop hiding my life from me, please. i want to know what happened."

⠀he was considering it. you could see it as he moved his gaze away from you, now unable to maintain eye contact. he had stopped fighting your hand and stood there, almost defeated. you squeezed his hand one more time, as if to encourage him to say something.

⠀nevertheless, it failed. you wanted to cry as he quickly pulled his hand away from your grip, his jaw clenching as he seemed to be fighting something internally. "if you haven't remembered anything, it must be for a reason, then. maybe your conscience is trying to protect you from the pain your past self faced. you shouldn't fight it."

⠀"don't you get it?" you raised your voice at him, now just angry. "i don't care, hajime. i don't give a single shit. i don't care if it hurts me. i don't care how bad it was before the accident. i don't care if i killed someone before the accident, or committed any kind of crime. i don't give a shit. i just want to know! don't you understand? you have everything i want to remember, and you just dangle it in front of my face and mock me with it every single day. you have me wrapped around your finger and all i can do is pretend i'm doing fine."

⠀you pushed him away by the chest as he tried to step near you. "don't. don't hug me, don't touch me. i'm tired of you only painting yourself as my hero and knight in shining armor. you're keeping me in the dark, and i'm tired of it. i just want to remember, hajime." you pointed at him. "wouldn't you want to remember everything if you lost all of your memories?"

⠀he was speechless, but you were already done with today. you left the question rhetorical as you lowered your finger and turned around, opening the door hastily.

⠀"i'll think about it."

⠀you heard his voice, quiet and faint, like a whisper. "it's a lot to unpack, and i don't want to stress you out with it. but if you go out with me tomorrow, i... i'll think about telling you."

⠀"that's not how this is going to work." you snapped right back, your grip tightening around the doorknob. "if you aren't going to tell me, i'm not going with you anywhere tomorrow. the moment i find out you won't, i'm going home, and you aren't going to follow me. i hope i've made myself clear."

⠀you slammed the door in his face and watched him walk away from the window. once he was out of your line of vision, you took a deep breath. you did what had to be done. now, the decision was now in iwa's hands. it was an ultimatum. either he would come forward with the truth, or he could kiss your day, and friendship with him, goodbye. you were sick of it, this was your boiling point.

⠀you really hoped hajime would see your side.

a/n : i’ve got nothing. we’ll see what decisions are made in the next chapter :>

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