#this is obviously just wishful thinking but I'd really love if something along those lines happened in series 5

[ailendolin]

If we're going to see Havers again in series 5, I hope it is to bring the Captain closure and help him come to terms with who he is. Perhaps an old letter from Havers surfaces, one he never sent because it contains all the things he always wanted to tell the Captain but couldn't, and then we'll get glimpses into their shared past again, only this time the Captain knows what all the soft smiles and lingering looks and accidental touches meant, and he finally allows himself to realise that he returned every single one of them.

And maybe, just maybe, the episode will end with him looking out of the window again, and as he watches the ghost of Havers leave once more, he whispers for all to hear, "I should have never let him go."

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

ik you mentioned interest in writing out how you'd prefer homestuck ended (though obviously time and money makes that impossible lol), and you touched on it in your big eridan essay at the end, but would you ever consider maybe a more detailed outline? i really enjoy your thoughts on the characters and the abandoned plotlines, i'd love to get a little more of an in depth look at how you wish it went down.

Yeah sure!

For those who aren't sure what the hell I'm talking 'bout, please check out my blog and the various essays I've been writing.

Some of it is contingent on stuff I kind of still need to reread so I'm really sorry to the alpha kid likers but I'm still not totally 100% sure where I want to take them. I'm also going to include quite a few personal preference ships; I'm not interested in arguing what other people should ship or about arguing about the course of action for my dumb fanfic in general. I also tend to discover the plot I want while I'm writing it, which I don't have the luxury of here, so... some of it is going to be kind of sloppy. I'm also a big troll stan so unfortunately the kids are a little bit neglected (sorry!!!!). That said.

So the changes would take place directly after GAME OVER, which is personally the point at which I think the truncation/turning on the fanbase really starts - ships start to get turbo-sped at that point. I'm not even saying I dislike JohnRoxy or JohnRezi, but they just feel oddly rushed the way they're handled in the comic itself. IMO, anyway.

There's not too much I would rearrange during this interstitial segment; I think it's important for Jade to have the experience of loneliness, for Terezi to kick off the retcons by only feeling comfortable fixing her own mistakes. Moreover, there's no reason why other characters can't use her mind beacon abilities to ask John to rearrange the timeline, though their attempts, because they aren't backed by Seer of Mind abilities, are a lot sloppier and come with a lot more unforseen consequences.

But something I would change is that Roxy's deal with Nyx is not to just kind of... sit back and chill in non-space while John does all the work; instead, like Rose in Davesprite's timeline, Nyx puts her to sleep, and when the timeline ceases to be, GameOver!Roxy's memories get transferred to Past!Roxy via her dreamself (which wakes up early), fulfilling a "stealing from void for others" aspect of her abilities, and leads to some important interactions later on down the line.

Also, this timeline's ARquiussprite and Gamzee's corpse (heretofore referred to as (ARquiussprite) and (Gamzee)) need to come along for the ride somehow. Maybe they fall through the sky after LOLAR crashes into LOFAF.

This kicks off a series of retcons, as each troll that gets brought back successively asks for another troll/set of trolls to be brought back. This absolutely RIDDLES Act 5 with password pages, can't go two steps without running into a password page, there are password pages within password pages (which IMO is very funny and very Homestuck).

Meanwhile, a couple other plots are running concurrently - the GameOver!crew (heretofore referred to as (Name)) are now in the dream bubbles, completing their character arcs and preparing to defeat LE. Because time and space are weird in the Furthest Ring, every successive meteor trip that occurs as a result of John's retcons is the first time from the point of view of the meteor, but is a repeating event from the point of view of the people in the bubbles - eg those dead god tier Eridan and Feferi wind up healing the Mayor like seven times from their perspective.

(Aradia) is fluttering her ASS off to make sure everyone is in the right "place" at the right "time" for this, lmfao.

Roxy gaining future memories also means that the Alpha kids get to complete their arcs in a way they weren't able to prior to Game Over. Because what John's retcons are doing are functionally whiting out and redrawing the past, the Alpha kids are also only seeing a single linear timeline.

One last arc, which is running concurrent to the retconned!trolls and their new meteor trips, is that bringing back each successive character allows them ALL to grow a little more. So it is NOT like they bring back Vriska, and now everyone's problem are fixed and everything is fine; Vriska's still kind of awful, but she gets better after Tavros gets brought back and they have to character develop alongside each other, and same when Aradia and Sollux get brought back, so on and so on. Because it's about BEING FRIENDS and BEING A TEAM. They're all still having interpersonal problems right up until ALL of them get brought back.

But as a side effect of this and the questing done by the GameOver!crew, the Dancestors get more fully utilized as foils, and get their problems addressed. As the retcon!team goes through their character development, they start to tear the Dancestors apart, because the Dancestors represent shitty parents who force their kids to clean up after their messes, and refuting them works both literally and symbolically as rejecting their irresponsible way of being in lieu of responsibility, accountability, empathy, and compassion.

So here's the series of retcons, and the absolute bullshit that accompanies each decision:

Terezi asks John to save Vriska, and prevent herself from getting too spades with Gamzee, as these are her two greatest regrets.

Pretty much just what her canon iteration asked for; I don't see any problems with the actions she asks John to do for her.

HOWEVER, we'd get more than just a montage of Vriska's time on the meteor, because in this version of events, we're taking our time and letting plot points breathe. Neither does she magically fix everything just by being around when she's very much herself still going thru it by the time the Meteor trip pops off. In any case, she brings with her some new complications:

Karkat still winds up having to play moirail and keep Gamzee calm. This still ends up breaking down by the halfway point of the comic, because they're kind of just not good for each other, but Karkat's personal shitty relationships are going to become A Theme, so it's important to make note of it here.

Vriska and Terezi don't fully make up on this iteration of the trip, since from Terezi's point of view, she was still actively about to kill Vriska before John intervened; however, we get more hints, now that they have to spend three years together, that not only does Vriska really miss Terezi (which is pretty well-established, given how she can't seem to leave Terezi alone), but Terezi actually misses Vriska, too - she's just really bad at separating her own feelings and desires from her instinctive grasp of karma and justice, a very Mind player-type problem to have.

At least with Vriska around, Terezi's able to nip her Gamzee habit in the bud, but this kind of leads to Gamzee feeling worse and more alone.

Something Really Messy happens between Vriska, Rose, and Kanaya when Rose starts her drinking habit, and it's pretty toxic for all involved, and Karkat is kind of stuck playing auspice. Vriska already expresses not liking Rose much and develops some flushed feelings for Kanaya after being watching her murder Eridan, so "It's Really Messy" is kind of all I can say on the matter. The girls are fightiiinnnnggggg

Dave and Terezi get close again, but given the weirdo vibes he notices between her and Vriska, and the fact that he's really not down with quadrants (YET.), means they still end up not getting together.

Sorry DaveKat likers but I am not one. They do not ever get together, so if you are hoping for that, I am sorry and you don't have to keep reading if you don't want to, it's OK.

On a note about Vriska and Terezi - personally, I do think their moirallegiance is endgame; Vriska clearly misses her terribly, constantly trying to bug her into making the Scourge Sisters a Thing again, and she even expresses feeling really bad about the Team Charge Debacle to Terezi explicitly, before directly foreshadowing how awful Terezi will feel after killing Vriska:

AG: Cause even though you got all these highfalutin morals and fancy reserv8tions, you know as well as me that a killer is a killer is a killer! AG: There 8n't no ch8nging your ways for good, and one d8y you're going to flail that silly l8ttle cane of yours and not find n8thin to 8ump into, and fall f8ce first into the shit ag8in. AG: And you're going to do something t8rri8le to some8ody and wish you could t8ke it 8ack 8ut you c8n't!!!!!!!! AG: And then you'll work hard to win 8ack their trust, and you'll try and try and tr8, and you'll see how hard it is! AG: You'll seeeeeeee!

We know that she starts using 8's where they don't make sense phonetically when she gets really agitated, so it's pretty safe to say that she's displaying genuine emotional distress here. When combined with the way she tells John about feeling absolutely horri8le about killing Tavros, it's pretty clear she's genuine about feeling really bad about the Team Charge debacle, and sincere about wanting to somehow make amends and get back into Terezi's good graces, at times trying rivalry, at times trying to prove that she's trying to fix her mistakes.

Terezi also vehemently denies them having a kismesistude and directly mirrors Vriska's hesitance about all the murder:

GC: W3 4R3 SUPPOS3D TO R3V3L 1N BLOODSH3D 4S W3 GROW UP GC: 4ND SH3 S33MS TO B3 3MBR4C1NG H3R R1T3 OF P4SS4G3 W1TH R3CKL3SS 4B4NDON, 4S 1 WOULD 3XP3CT GC: GR4BB1NG TH3 BULL BY TH3 HORNS, SO TO SP34K GC: 1TS 4 L1TTL3 1NT1M1D4T1NG GC: B3C4US3 1M NOT SUR3 1F 1M R34DY FOR TH4T

AG: On my world, I would 8e completely vindic8ed for killing him! He is far lower on the hemospectrum than me. He managed to disrespect me time and time again, 8ut I kept letting him live! In fact, the amount of slack I cut him would 8e considered scandalous 8y those in my class. AG: I had every reason to kill him. And yet... AG: I feel 8ad a8out it like a lame weak fudge8lood, just like he was. AG: And the fact that I feel 8ad is why I'm sort of freaking out right now!

They're basically two toxic girls who CANNOT be honest with their real feelings, and wind up hurting each other. They need therapy badly, but given the fact that they also mirror each other positively - Terezi feels grateful to Vriska for blinding her, and Vriska mentions she ought to thank Terezi for killing her, which set her up on a date with the dead John Terezi also killed - I think they have a lot of potential to be genuinely kind to each other once they work through their individual issues.

Anyway. We're keeping the Roxy stuff under wraps for now - last we saw of her, she went to go see her denizen, and her planet exploded, and John was really bummed about it. HOWEVER, we are going to check in with our GameOver!crew, although only lightly for now:

Meenah and (Vriska) have fully disappeared, and (Tavros), (Nepeta), and (Feferi) are looking for them because they've got the FUCKING TREASURE???

Everyone else from the Game Over timeline has landed in the afterlife, to varying degrees.

Shortly after entering the afterlife, (Eridan) fucked off somewhere to be alone. Last anyone heard from him was (ghost!Sollux) and him being Erisolsprite, but neither (ghost!Sollux) nor (alive!Sollux) have seen him since Erisolsprite died in Game Over.

(Karkat) is also brooding off on his own, feeling really shitty and sorry for himself. He's always felt personally responsible for everything going wrong for his team, and now that his team is basically entirely dead, he feels extra shitty.

Mostly just setting up that these guys are still relevant to the story, despite now being (irrelevant).

That brings us to the second retcon. Vriska obviously had great regrets about killing Tavros, both pre- and post-retcon, so she asks for his death to be prevented.

Tavros is back.

Vriska's requested fix is a very simple one - after all, Karkat makes mention about how Vriska's always had a competitive streak with Terezi, admiring/being jealous of her ability to manipul8 people; I think an ultimate culmination of that is her insisting that insisting to John that he do a retcon to stop her from killing Tavros - which, as covered above, she regrets greatly - but to do a much sloppier job of it, simply having John pop into [S] Wake and knock Tavros the fuck out.

Vriska herself doesn't believe this will have any unintended side effects, because her opinion of Tavros is still really low despite her genuine desire to make amends, and she's wrong.

Tavros's stay on the meteor has a major effect on Gamzee. I'm not entirely sure how it would pan out exactly, but I think Gamzee would step in between Dave and Tavros, into a situation none of them are happy with. This starts Tavros on a path of realizing that his inability to stand up for himself not only hurts him, but people he cares about (Gamzee, whom he ghosted).

Vriska is mostly uninterested in Tavros now, as the moment has kind of passed, and Terezi keeps getting on her ass about going after him (which brings the two of them closer).

Previous Messy romantic situations are still active. Karkat is going thru it.

Dave feels bad about tormenting Tavros but he kind of can't help himself, especially because Tavros keeps going up to him for some reason. The fact that he gets trapped in an auspice with Tavros and Gamzee kind of reinforces that he does NOT vibe with troll quadrants. Dave becomes MORE xenophobic.

On a note regarding Gamzee and Tavros: while I generally try to avoid relying on Hussie's commentary too much, as he likes to play his cards close to his chest, his note about Gamzee in the Act 5 book is actually significant enough to me to include:

The best explanation for why Gamzee says he's scared of Vriska, in my opinion, is this: he's flat-out lying. It's a good way for him to maintain his cover as 'Soft Gamzee.' It also provides some ammunition for those who, against all sense of good taste and judgment, want to continue to believe and assert that Gamzee is a decent guy with sensitive emotions and vulnerabilities before he undergoes his Muderstuck awakening. He was none of those things, ever.

Hussie likes to play coy, and you can't really trust anything he says after Act 6 because he's fed up with the fandom, but I think this comment comes early enough, and is made assertively enough, that it can be taken at face value. I know that "Soft Gamzee" is actually extremely popular in the fandom, so this may be controversial, but I do think there's more evidence for him being kind of nasty and manipulative than not, and having that always be a part of him brings more cohesiveness to his character. For example, he seems to have a pale crush on Karkat, trying to assert that Karkat is his best friend and changing the topic when Sollux gets brought up and he recognizes Karkat is closer to Sollux than him, and if you read his first log with Terezi as if he's hiding being nasty under a soft veneer, then his comments do read as pretty passive-aggressive.

TC: yOu KnOw HoW iT iS wItH fAmIlY. GC: NO, NOT R34LLY! GC: 4DURRRR DURR DURP TC: Oh YeAh... ... TC: I sPaCeD oUt, DiD yOu KnOw HoW bEaTuFuL tHe SoUnD oF tHe OcEaN iS? TC: hAvE yOu EvEr EvEn SeEn ThE oCeAn? TC: oR i MeAn SmElLeD iT... TC: SoRrY. GC: >:[

Maybe most damningly, his narration calls dealing with Eridan's genuine emotional distress "indulge emotional theatrics," an implication of his true feelings. Karkat and Eridan are heavily foreshadowed to be moirails, and Gamzee seems to have a pale crush on Karkat. What does Gamzee do in this conversation? He chases Eridan away from comforting Karkat - using the same excuse as he uses to avoid dealing with Vriska.

CA: put kar on TC: UuUuH, i cAn't rEaLlY ThInK AbOuT InTeRvEnInG, tHe bLaCk fRoWnInG MoThErFuCkEr kInDa sCaReS Me

Moreover, he does NOT seem to like Jack comforting Karkat instead, either.

THIS IS NOT TO SAY I DON'T THINK GAMZEE ALSO DESERVES A SHOT AT KINDNESS AND REDEMPTION. Gamzee is clearly a very troubled youth, between his absentee lusus, his indoctrination into a fundie doomsday cult, and his sopor usage. The fact that having his faith shattered by Dave makes him snap implies that, one, he was already unstable and teetering on the edge, and having his faith fucked with was the last straw, and two, that until he lost that last shred of hope, he was still pretending to be nicer than he was for a reason, and given that his LE worship doesn't start up until after the snappage, I think it can be extrapolated that that reason is that he genuinely wants to get along with his friends.

Given that Gamzee's issues largely stem from his neglectful lusus, it's not a stretch to say that Gamzee does not take well to abandonment and isolation. So here's kind of where Tavros comes in:

Gamzee mentions that he feels "So aT ChIlL WiTh yOu" while talking to Tavros, and Tavros reciprocates the friendship and also - interestingly - acknowledges Gamzee's religion, calling it beautiful even if he doesn't necessarily believe in it. I call it interesting because Karkat's inability to do so is explicitly one of the reasons their moirallegiance broke down. Moreover, in their first conversation together, Gamzee explicitly praises Tavros for his "gumption" for stealing his clown nose, when Tavros's avoidance of his problems is one of his biggest personal issues. So yeah, personally, I'm all for moirallegiance.

But Tavros started ghosting him after Gamzee offered to make out a little, another symptom of his avoidance issues. I'm sure that, even in this meteor trip, the fact that Gamzee killed Equius and Nepeta really scares him. In his conversation with Terezi, Terezi outright says "NO WOND3R V4NT4S C4NT ST4ND YOU"; Equius is constantly yelling at him; lots of people on their team seem to genuinely just sort of dislike him.

CG: MIRACLES ARE LIKE POOP STAINS ON GOD'S UNDERWEAR. TA: eheheh makiing fun of people2 reliigiion2 i2 the be2t thiing two do.

So having one of the few people he does really like also ghost him probably did... bad things to his mental health. Especially so when said person wound up dead. But now that he isn't dead, I think they have a shot - they just need to address their personal problems. Tavros with his avoidance, and Gamzee with his resentment toward the world, and reliance on substances and religion to take the edge off. In this meteor iteration, that doesn't quite happen - their toxic auspicetism succeeds in letting them air out their dirty laundry to the audience, but doesn't bring full reconciliation.

In any case, this meteor trip is fairly short, and uneventful from the dream bubbles side, although I do think Tavros should get a talking-to from (Tavros) about real self-esteem and self-worth.

Still, being back in contact with Tavros again, even if in kind of a messed-up way, does make Gamzee start to reconsider some of his past actions. This brings us to:

Gamzee Asks for Equius and Nepeta back.

Gamzee's not as nice as he lets on, but he does genuinely care about his teammates, and for the people he really cares about, like Karkat or Tavros, I think he's willing to stick his neck out. Bringing back Nepeta and Equius is more for Tavros than himself, really, because Tavros is scared of him for doing that, and he motherfuckin' misses Tavros, okay? John mostly agrees because he's kind of scared of Gamzee.

Some really fun stuff starts happening this go around.

The Gamzee-Tavros situation becomes resolved because this time, Equius steps in as an auspice between Tavros and Dave, and this auspicetism is COMPLETELY HEALTHY (with the bonus of being extremely funny, and what is the point of a Homestuck ship if it is not deeply funny).

Gamzee and Tavros are able to enter into a totally healthy moirallegiance once the auspicetism builds up Tavros's self-confidence, much to Karkat's relief.

Being stuck in the auspicetism makes Dave go crawling back to Terezi on his hands and knees. I'm sorry, Terezi. I'll do anything if you take me back. Just don't let me die as the guy stuck in a threesome with the two worst trolls. Dave has overcome his xenophobia.

Dave and Terezi becoming official does make Karkat sad, however, so when Nepeta finally works up the courage to confess to him, he accepts the offer to date her, thus fulfilling Jaspersprite's musing that she might only be able to date him after she dies.

They also break up. We're keeping up this trend of Karkat and his disastrous relationships. He's still involved in the Rose/Kanaya/Vriska drama, too.

With GamTav and Dave/Tavros/Equius cinched, Tavros and Vriska reach a sort of truce with each other. Not really friends, since they kind of still dislike each other, but Vriska would genuinely be glad to see Tavros getting more actually confident, and muster up the energy to genuinely apologize for almost killing him, so there's a sort of mutual respect there now. Vriska and Terezi are even closer because of this, but still not fully over their problems.

On the topic of the Dave/Tavros/Equius auspicetism: Dave still can't stop bothering Tavros, but the lewdness of it sets Equius off, so he feels like he has to intervene. Dave also can't stop himself from bothering Equius, which ALWAYS BACKFIRES, and since Tavros has a weird fondness/rivalry with Dave, he'd find it within himself to ask Equius to back off (which would work, because of Equius's... Equius). And every time Equius gets too overbearing toward Tavros, Dave feels COMPELLED to intervene, because he's like, my fucking god, you are the two worst trolls, why must weirdos fight. Dave desperately wants out, but he can't stop staring at these two.

And weirdly enough, it's beneficial for all of them. With two people to yell at him for being weird, Equius becomes less weird. With a rival in Dave and more contact with Equius, Tavros becomes more confident. And Dave has two people to rap against and feel good about his art with, something he more or less had to deal with alone during previous trips.

On the topic of Karkat and Nepeta, there are quite a few implications that they wouldn't necessarily work out. For citations, let me just link my Nepeta essay, where I go over what the comic says about their relationship from a storytelling perspective; here, I'll talk about their relationship from a more interpersonal perspective.

Karkat's signals are mixed as fuuuuuuck. While I don't necessarily think this will be an issue for Nepeta, as - as a Heart player - she's preternatually gifted at understanding motivations, the thing is... I think Nepeta can do better, and deserves better, a sentiment echoed by Jasprosesprite^2. She certainly deserves better than being second to Terezi, at the very least, even if she states she likes his outbursts.

And the thing is, Karkat is pretty explicit about saying that he doesn't return her feelings; in a world where they date, there's always going to be a sense that she's his second choice. And, just... my girl deserves better, okay? Moreover, while he respects her personhood, he's also pretty nasty to her when he DOES talk to her, implying he doesn't necessarily respect her choices. And also, she's actually really bad at shipping, so there will be this extremely weird tension of like... a hobbyist vs. a professional. I don't think Karkat would be able to stop himself from mocking some of her shipping choices if she ever opened up to him about that.

But I think them getting together is important for Nepeta, developmentally - I talk about this in my essay for her, but shipping is something I think she does need to outgrow, since it's kind of a replacement she's using for her loneliness. Moreover, I say in that essay that the issues she has in her moirallegiance with Equius warrant relationship counselling - and that's what Karkat is uniquely qualified to dispense, as the team's Blood player. Although they end up not working out, Nepeta would take several valuable lessons from this relationship - that she's kind of bad at shipping, that Equius is being kind of a shithead to her, and that she needs to start making friends with other people.

Now then. We're finally getting into some drama in the bubbles.

Please imagine for me Equius and Horuss talking, and Equius being aghast at the way Horuss is so derisive towards his matesprit and moirail. Now imagine him pulling a mic out of nowhere and rapping at him about how his problem is that he does not respect his partners. Now imagine Tavros and Dave joining in, also out of nowhere, with Tavros adding bars about how the hemospectrum is, not a good thing, he thinks. And Dave adding bars about how he does not have a fucking dog in this race. He's not even a troll. He doesn't understand their hemospectrum. Let him out of here. The fine fucking art of Alternian slam poetry. I think Horuss would start crying. So would I if three people including my grandkid started rapping at me.

Nepeta's uncanny emotional acumen leads to her wanting to befriend Damara, but being unable to speak her language.

GameOver!crew is up to something, IDK, probably showing (Tavros) inspiring people and rebuilding the ghost army, to tell a parallel story to Tavros becoming more genuinely self-confident.

We check in with the Alpha kids, too, who have some group therapy sessions led by Roxy.

Vriska and Tavros confront Rufioh together, a final culmination of their no-longer-enemiesship, and together, they steal Rufioh's ones. Like, Tavros starts speak1ng w1th ones, something he always had in him, and they also roast Rufioh so badly that he stops speaking in ones. But the way it's presented to the audience, Vriska outright just says that Tavros should steal his ones. And Tavros does. This carries over to successive retcons, as it's implied that Tavros just kind of starts naturally being more confident as healthy relationships are established sooner and sooner.

Anyway, a final note about Equius - his problems are mostly due to being sheltered. Although he is probably the most casteist highblood, he's not really that casteist, as what's really going on is just that he's got a BDSM kink. But because he's sheltered, he does not realize that it's a kink. And a fetishist who does not realize that they're a fetishist has more power than God.

His protectiveness of Nepeta does come from a good place; preventing her from playing FLARP was actually in her best interest, given what happens to people who play FLARP. But he's very much going overboard with it, likely an extension of his own lack of understanding of how much sheltering is good and how much becomes detrimental. What he really needs is for someone to point it out to him, which I think he gets via Nepeta or via Karkat, and then have a reaaaaally long think about it. He's genuinely a polite and helpful soul, who doesn't WANT to make people uncomfortable. The auspicetism is very good for him in this regard, as is his moirallegiance once Karkat talks him and Nepeta through their issues.

The point is, once he's forced to reckon with the fact that the degeneracy is coming from inside the house, I think he'd have a LOT of regrets about the way he treated Aradia. Which leads us to:

Whoops That Robot Thing Was Really Inappropriate Huh

Equius approaches John to ask him to make Past!Equius reconsider the Aradiabot Thing. John's getting kind of impatient with all these trolls who keep asking him to go back through time, but given that everyone seems a little happier each time, he can't help but agree.

So he goes back to the past, before Equius can give Aradia her robot body with the love chip in it, and something really fun gets to happen here: first of all, Equius's Void status makes him really hard to place, so John winds up missing by a bit, time-wise, so Aradia's already in the body. This is the first time that retconning!John and Aradia have been in the same place together, and when she meets him and finds out that he can time travel without causing paradoxes, she demands (with her Aradiabot deathmurderkill intensity) to be taken back in time to before she died.

John's retcon powers explicitly ignore the usual rules of paradox space - he describes it as a "fresh start". Given that Breath is associated with choices and freedom, his retcon powers are kind of the ultimate culmination of his abilities as a breath player. Although doomed timelines can and will still result from paradoxes caused by players when John isn't there, anything he directly interferes with is totally a-okay.

So all Aradiabot asks him for is passage back in time, in order to sanction her interference in the past. After she dismisses him, she still more or less has to adhere to events in the original timeline, for two reasons - the first being that she doesn't want to risk a new doomed timeline, and the second so she can keep the timeline predictable.

So even though she's basically asked for passage to the time period before SGRUB, it's basically outright stated that the progression of events has to be more or less the same, up until the point where John's other retcons take place. So here are the cascading effects of Aradiabot preventing her own death:

Aradiabot takes Aradia's place in the Team Charge debacle, being blown up/"killed" (as a sprite) by Sollux's eye beams, so that she can take Aradia's place as Doc Scratch/the Handmaiden's servant and "carry out" their orders.

Meanwhile, Aradia seeks refuge with Equius, whose void powers keep her hidden from Doc Scratch's omnipotence.

Because Sollux never actually killed Aradia, and Aradia communicates with him via Equius's account, Sollux is less depressed and self-loathing. He no longer predicts a future where all of them die and he has to be blinded. It's left deliberately vague whether this future comes to pass because he's less pessimistic, so his Mage powers are calling a happier future into being, or if his future changed, so his Mage powers are prophesying something new.

Nepeta starts regaining memories of alternate timelines and past retcons, as an extension of her Rogue of Heart powers. This includes the relationship counselling she received from Karkat.

Between Nepeta and Aradia yelling at him, Equius's character development starts sooner, so he's squared away for future events, and ends up not making the creepy Aradiabot, making a non-creepy one instead.

Aradia and Equius do not strike up a relationship, and become uneasy enemies/friends.

Aradia secretly god tiers well in advance of Jack's arrival, and meets him at Derse rather than awakening on her crypt there.

Aradia and Sollux continue a loving matespritship, leading to Sollux settling into a moirallegiance with Feferi. He's devastated when she dies, which still happens along with the rest of Eridan's freakout; Aradiabot doesn't intervene because she's needed for:

Aradiabot winds up being the one to sacrifice herself piloting the meteor, allowing Sollux to stay with the rest of the team when he meets up with Aradia, (Aradia), and (Sollux) at the Green Sun. Aradiabot winds up with the GameOver!crew.

With the 1337 hackers back in commission, Sollux and Roxy are able to establish a server connection with each other, allowing them to communicate during the 3-year meteor trip.

Aradia involves herself in the Rose/Kanaya/Vriska Mess, and I kind of can't decide what I like better - a vascillatory pitch/flush threeway between Rose, Kanaya, and Vriska, now that Vriska's near the end of her character development, with Aradia serving as a stabilizing force as Kanaya's on-again off-again moirail, or Aradia stepping in as an auspice. Either way, it's out of Karkat's hands.

This has a knock-on effect of finally giving Vriska the chance to fully make amends with Aradia, which winds up cinching the Vriska/Terezi moirallegiance. The scourge sisters are back baybee. And between a healthy moirallegiance for Terezi and a healthy moirallegiance for Gamzee, I think pitch Terezi/Gamzee could work as a healthy ship this time around. I'm not married to it, but they did always seem to hate each other well before SGRUB.

Nepeta has LEARNED HER LESSON regarding dating Karkat, so that does not happen.

Karkat now has no quadrants. He winds up desperately throwing himself at Sadstuck Sollux to try and help him get over his breakup. It's not a good look. Sadkat. He also takes up talking to the alpha kids for emotional support, which puts them off, too. Still gives really good relationship advice. He's clearly one of the more unstable members of the retcon!crew at this point.

We're light on the dream bubble drama this time around because of how MUCH is happening for the retcon!crew, but there's going to be a reference in there of Nepeta learning East Beforan.

SO. NOTES TIME.

Aradia expresses outright that she hated the feeling that she was set up and that she wishes someone would have stopped her from being so reckless. And although she seems to find some satisfaction in being the stewardess of the afterlife, there's clearly some resentment there that she's been forced into that role, as she expresses that what she's really looking forward to is watching it all break apart. There's also kind of an orphaned plot thread where Aradia is spending a lot of time in the afterlife putting knowledge together, which never really directly pays off except to the audience, and I think a really good way to bring that back in would be for her to be communing with (Aradia) in the dream bubbles in order to make sure the timeline flows as smoothly as possible.

As for Aradia/Kanaya - they're actually really good friends, and Aradia expresses that she's flattered that Kanaya wants to talk to her so much. There is a tone here that matches the way Vriska thinks about Kanaya when Kanaya is still ostensibly Vriska's moirail, and Kanaya herself admits to being attracted to people who are reckless. In fact...

AA: i just wish AA: back when i was behaving recklessly AA: i had s0me0ne t0 tell me t0 st0p listening AA: even if i ended up ign0ring their advice AA: it w0uld have been nice

GA: It Must Be A Certain Madness Im Afflicted By GA: To Orbit Those More Reckless And Dangerous Than I And More Daring For It GA: I Guess I Want To Help Them But They Never Can Be Helped It Seems

So I'm just kind of saying... Aradia and Kanaya moirallegiance... is not entirely unfounded. And a moirail stabilizes a troll's other relationships; if we have a moirail for Kanaya and a moirail for Vriska, then the Mess that is whatever's going on with Kanaya, Vriska, and Rose would probably resolve itself, I think. Either way, Rose is surrounded by SUCH a girl's night of emotional support to help her with sobriety now.

As for whatever's going on between her and Equius, I tend to believe the comic when it tells me relationships don't work out, and Aradia expresses regret for kissing him during the Ministrife. I think they could be good vitriolic frenemies, though.

Okay, onto Sollux.

In the same panel where Eridan and Karkat are implied to be "hatched for each other" pale-wise, Feferi and Sollux are foreshadowed in the same way:

They also spend a LOT OF TIME curled up in a pile together talking about their feelings, which we don't see with matesprits, but we DO see with moirails. Nepeta and Equius do the same thing, and they are kind of THE moirails. So I think Sollux and Feferi were always meant to be pale, but because Aradia died, Sollux wound up taking Feferi on as a matesprit instead. Between EriFef, SolFef, and GamTav, people getting flushed and pale feelings entangled is like, a Running Thing, so it's not really surprising to me.

Now, here's the thing. We already know that Sollux likes to cope with a rebound, since he went flushed with Feferi after Aradiabot exploded and was presumed dead. And Karkat cares very fucking much about Sollux, to the point where Gamzee speculates that he's actually Karkat's best friend, and Karkat even calls him that (although Karkat also kind of just calls anyone his best friend, lol).

CG: GAMZEE WAS MY VERY GOOD FRIEND, WHO WAS THIS GOOFY LOVEABLE BULLSHIT CLOWN UNTIL HE WENT PSYCHO AND KILLED SOME PEOPLE. I LIKED HIM A LOT. CG: I DON'T KNOW, I GUESS MY BEST FRIEND IS REALLY JUST THE GUY WHO I HAPPEN TO BE FEELING MOST SENTIMENTAL TO AT THE MOMENT, IS THAT A FUCKING CRIME.

This crab's got so much love in him. In any case, I mostly just want to keep sticking Karkat in these extremely unhealthy relationships for a while. It makes it sweeter when he finally winds up with Eridan LIKE HE WAS ALWAYS MEANT TO... but yeah.

Cross-session communication is also entirely possible, as Sollux set up chat clients between the trolls and the kids in the first place, and even without that, Kanaya found Rose's old GameFAQs on a server in the Furthest Ring. With both Sollux and Roxy on the case, there's no way they can't somehow establish communications way sooner.

Regarding Nepeta regaining her memories, let me once more point you towards the Nepeta essay. She's on track to become the one who attains Ultimate Selfhood, and comforts people like Jade and John about not really knowing their friends or being lonely.

But yeah, obviously Sollux asks for Feferi to be brought back.

F-EF-ERI!!!! 38D

Mostly Sollux just asks to be prevented from provoking Eridan so harshly. Eridan still winds up blowing up the matriorb, and thus, still getting killed by Kanaya in retribution, but this means that Eridan is now the only member of the team left dead.

PITCH FEFNEP. PITCH FEFNEP. PITCH FEFNEP

Pitch FefNep leads to Feferi letting slip something casteist where Sollux can hear; he doesn't personally care because he's heard much worse, but puts them on a break while she sorts herself out. They get back together after that.

Karkat alone :'( he's mostly just talking to the alpha kids at this point, trying to hide from all the happy fucking relationships happening all around him.

If the last retcon was really heavy on the retcon!crew, then this one is much more about what's happening in the bubbles. We get most of our dancestor development this go around. Do not read if you like the dancestors! I go very in-depth about how most of them are horrible people on purpose here, so their arcs are mostly about them being pulled up on their abject awfulness.

Nepeta, who has learned East Beforan, is able to talk to Damara and have an earnest heart-to-heart with her about how awfully she was treated. They hug and cry. Damara, finally validated, gives everyone a big middle finger.

Feferi heals Mituna's brain injury, because literally why the FUCK has nobody else done that. Now once more in control of his faculties, he breaks up with Latula, pissed off that she took advantage of him all those eons to boost her own ego. He also gives everyone a big middle finger. Damara steals her skateboard and high fives Mituna.

Porrim's basically the only dancestor who grew as a person so I think she mostly escapes unscathed.

Latula gets chased around by Sollux and Aradia, who basically just bully her for being bad at games. This is a date to them.

Gamzee completely refutes Kurloz, with his newfound clarity about the real miracle being friendship and the real dark carnival being the world he and his friends will build, not that LE noise.

In a double team between Terezi and Rose, Meulin gets eviscerated for the way her own Issues have made her ships deliberately awful, that she could have simply Not, and she has a bit of a breakdown.

As Feferi is grappling with her privilege and internalized casteism, Cronus wanders up to try and hit on her, and she goes "oh my god... when people look at me, are you what they see? A friendless loser that nobody likes? A total waste of seawater who's only pretending to be cool with the lower castes? A totally fake poser? 38(" Cronus just goes "..." and starts crying and Feferi ends the convo oblivious to that, just going "wow... thanks for talking with me! really gave me a lot to think about" imagine how funny it would be -

Karkat finds and talks to (Eridan), where he fully admits to missing the guy. His mopiness is so extreme that (Eridan) takes issue with it and punches him, before basically yelling at him to get his shit together. Karkat then yells at HIM for him to get HIS shit together, and they both leave, intent on getting their shit together.

We also get an update on Vriska and Meenah at this point, where Meenah is starting to seem more into how they totally ditched their responsibilities than Vriska is.

So the thing with this update is that most of the trolls have sorted their shit out; even Karkat has had a lot of introspection about how he really just fucking loves his friends and should have been more honest about it, not worried so much about appearing weak or lame. With the double Aradias in play to kind of handwave that the timeline will be stable because they're ensuring all loops get completed and all necessary conversations happen, and with everyone's successful relationships on display, we can kind of truncate the next leg of the journey:

Karkat Fixes Everything

Karkat is the Friendship Troll. Karkat is the Romance Troll. Karkat is the Bonds troll. He is their team's Blood player, and as the Blood player, he's been shown to deeply love all of his fucking friends - yes, even the assholes. Maybe even especially them.

As such, it's vitally important for the last push - last leg of the journey - to belong to Karkat. Where would our Blood player be without his bonds? Well, we actually have the answer to that. It's knocked out and prevented from joining in any of the important boss battles. LAME!

So in the last retcon, Karkat hears from Nepeta about the retcons that have been happening, and he really starts digging through his own past. If every retcon so far has been each troll only feeling comfortable undoing their own personal mistakes, then what of the guy who feels personally responsible for everything, all the time, forever?

Look, I'm not saying that a shipping chart saves Homestuck, but... by the time this last retcon is through, every Alternian troll is alive and god tiered. And he is dating Eridan.

If you have any questions about him dating Eridan, please refer to the link above. That essay is nearly as long as this one. There's SO MUCH FUCKING FORESHADOWING.

I don't think the god tiering needs to be explained, because if we hear that Karkat basically made his past self a shipping chart, and we've seen everybody's character development as they've gone through this journey, and we have Aradias on timeline duty and Nepeta with memories of past retcons and her alternate selves, I think we can more or less gloss over exactly how they go about earning their wings while maintaining timeline integrity. The important thing is that Karkat is dating Eridan now.

Because that leads to the last few bits of dream bubble stuff, but before we get into that...

Miscellaneous Plot Things That Need To Happen But I Don't Know Where To Put Them

Yeah there's just some ideas that I have floating around that need to be placed somewhere but IDK exactly where, or exactly how they shake out.

Hal becomes a real boy. And by that I mean as part of their character development, Jake makes Hal "real" a la brain ghost Dirk, and then the rest of them have to scramble against the clock (Jake's ability to maintain Hal's realness) to god tier him and make his existence permanent. He's a Sylph of Mind, which allows him to negate Condy's mind control. And maybe a GCATboy?

(Tavros) becomes the new leader of the ghost army.

Davesprite winds up dead at some point in the bubbles and doesn't explain how he died, but he and (Dave) get to fight each other and hash out their Realness and Relevance issues, before facing their final boss fight as bros once more.

Jade and Nepeta get to talk, and Nepeta gives Jade the reassuring speech about Ultimate Selfhood and how she won't be lonely forever. Maybe it's flushed. Might leave it ambiguous.

Somebody needs to auspicetize Dirk and Jake holy shit. Dunno who. Maybe Karkat, but I kind of like him pitch with Dirk, so IDK really.

Dad needs to die. Sorry Dad. If I can find a way to kill off all of the sprites besides ARquiusprite, I will. It's explicitly stated that sprites are drawn to the battlefield during the Reckoning, presumably to die, as part of the coming-of-age themes - losing one's guardians. It's sad but it's gotta happen.

All the Godtier!Calliope stuff basically happens as-is.

Can you tell I need to do more research on the alpha kids...

Ok Back To Karkat And Eridan

I think I'm going to leave their moirallegiance fairly ambiguous, but when Eridan is brought back, he and Karkat are basically together all the time. Karkat's signals are mixed even on the best of days, so I don't know how easy it'll be to tell that these two assholes slinging death threats at each other are pale, but *I* will know, and that's what matters.

This leads to the last two dancestor takedowns:

Karkat and Eridan (mostly Eridan) round on Kankri. Eridan calls him SO MANY SLURS. The fact that Karkat not only condones this, but is DATING ERIDAN, kind of makes Kankri lose it a bit.

(Karkat) and (Eridan), who have reconciled in the bubbles, finally find (Vriska) and Meenah. (Karkat) gives the two of them the speech that retcon!Vriska gave (Vriska) in the comic's original ending, but this time around, (Vriska) actually agrees with him. This serves as a conclusion to (Karkat) and Meenah's arc, and causes Meenah to feel so bad that she walks back to the other dancestors in shame, as (Vriska) leaves with him with the treasure to finally fight LE.

When Meenah returns to the dancestors, the first one she finds is Aranea, who's really sad about her own little escapade, blaming herself for the way Game Over went. This prompts Meenah to go, no, it was probably my fault, shouldn't have let you run off like that. And this would, from all the sobbing dancestors, prompt a string of "no, I'm the reason we failed"s, eventually culminating in Meenah rallying them together to do one last good thing before everyone gets sucked into the black hole and go join the fight against LE. Everyone agrees.

(Gamzee) is revived by the life players and cursed with immortality, so he can go on to become LE and complete that time loop. He is immediately locked in the fridge. This is also why he can't fucking die no matter what you do to him.

This also leads us into the final boss fights.

VS. CONDY

The twelve trolls. The Condesce represents tyranny, the worst aspects of the trolls' old society, and as such, is most thematically taken down by them. While she did fuck up the alpha kids' lives, too, I just personally think it's so much more thematic and satisfying to watch her be beaten down by the trolls.

VS. THE THREE JACKS

The eight kids plus Hal plus Davesprite. With Bec Noir specifically, it's fucking PERSONAL, as this guy killed their parents. This is where Dave fulfils his destiny of killing an iteration of English with his sword, when he decapitates Jack English; the person in the middle of that sandwich is Davesprite, which is how he dies and winds up in the bubbles. The iteration of Jack that survives to date Ms. Paint is Spades Slick, as he's the most sympathetic out of all of them and didn't kill anybody's parents.

At some point during this fight, I like the idea that they get zapped away by Jack English, John zaps them to the Godtier!Caliborn fight where he gets sealed in the juju, and then we cut back to the fight with Jack English, where, inexplicably, they all zap right back in.

VS. THE FELT

The spares - ARquiussprite, (Gamzee) in the fridge (who has since been revived by the life players and blessed/cursed with eternal life so he can go on to fulfill his role in the timelines and become part of LE), Dad, and the other sprites (if any of them are left alive).

VS. LORD ENGLISH

The GameOver!crew, the ghost army, the dancestors (they have a Big Damn Heroes moment right near the end, buying Jake time to deploy the Weapon), Aradiabot, and Davesprite.

Jake fulfills his destiny to defeat the Lord of all Angels by being the one to deploy the weapon, which deposits the beta kids, who knock LE in to the black hole. They then zap out of there, collecting the alpha kids from after the Caliborn fight, and zap back to the fight with the Jacks.

This specific configuration of boss battles winds up leaving Lord English entirely up to dead characters, who are then implied to all eventually get sucked into the black hole - their memories to live on through the living characters via Ultimate Selfhood, which only Nepeta achieves on screen, but implies that they will all achieve eventually.

It's important to me that the GameOver!crew is the one leading the fight against Lord English, as they're the ones who were the most screwed over by LE and his machinations - manipulated into killing each other, used as servants of his will, dying ignobly in a doomed timeline filled with special stardust. Meanwhile, the retcon!kids and trolls prove what they've learned - about compassion, kindness, equality, and forgiveness - by beating the shit out of the Condesce, who represents the horrors of Alternia, and the Jacks, especially Bec Noir and Jack English - the latter of which is a shadow of what Lord English represents - immaturity, cruelty, hatred - and the former of which is a culmination of all the failures they committed to get to this point, a symptom of their universal cancer.

I wrote a little snippet of Aradia once, and I think I'll use that to end this essay:

(ARADIA): ok now that we are all done being stupid (ARADIA): im sure enough people here remember the plan that i dont need to explain it again (ARADIA): so instead i just wanted to say (ARADIA): leave your backs to us and face forward without fear (ARADIA): the dead and irrelevant will slay the demon of double death while you unmake the threats of the living (ARADIA): and personally i think it's very fitting that he will perish here as nothing more than a bad dream (ARADIA): this will be the last time we see each other (ARADIA): so on behalf of everyone that you are going to be leaving behind (ARADIA): live (ARADIA): and be happy!

[binarybreak]

Hey all! Just wanted to say:

1) The season two premier was such a fantastic way to develop both interest and intrigue in the new season, I was so stoked, you all did a fantastic job making me (I can't speak for the rest of your audience) invested in these characters, the mystery of what happened to Team Baby, and what happens next. I completely understand your monthly release schedule (it's a tremendously impressive accomplishment, especially considering this is a fan project made by people who, I'm sure, have plenty else going on in their lives,) and I'd never be like "okay guys, hurry it up," but I will say that I'm very anxious to hear the next episode!

2) I'm reading over the rules for Digidice, and I just have one question: am I missing something, or is there no mechanical difference between the Tired condition and the Sick condition? Like obviously you'd play them differently as a character, but they're essentially the same thing rules wise?

3) Are there any plans for developing a bestiary/monster manual type of thing? Like obviously fans already know all the classic Digimon and are more than willing to run with fakemons so you wouldn't need pictures or lore, I'm just concerned about the poor DMs needing to come up with stat blocks for NPCs on the fly when things go off the rail. To be clear, I'm not asking you to make one, I was just thinking I might have fun making one, but I didn't want to bother if there's already one in the works

4.) I have tried actual play after actual play podcast. The first podcast I ever listened to was TAZ*, and since I loved it so much I scoured the genre for any more content I would like. You are the first actual play since TAZ to actually catch and hold my attention. I don't know what it is about you other than a simple matter of personal taste, but you are rocking it. Thank you for making this show

*Unless it was Ars Paridoxica. Definitely one of those two

1. Thank you! Trust me, I am also eager to get to the next part of the story. If I could do this show as my full-time job, and release a new episode every week, I absolutely would.

2. Yeah, currently they're just two different flavors of the same condition. Played different ways and cured in different ways. The condition system is something I'm probably gonna totally overhaul if I ever do a second edition.

3. At some point, we will probably release Digidice stats for all of the digimon that appear in Binary Break (canon and original). Might also stat out a fair chunk of the most popular canon digimon who don't appear in the show, just as a resource for other GMs, and cause making digimon in that system is legitimately fun for me. In the meantime, feel free to stat out as many canon digi as you wish. Some folks on my Discord server were recently discussing the possibility of a sorta collaborative project to make something along those lines, but right now it's just in the "wouldn't it be cool if" phase.

4. That is some wonderfully high praise. It really means the world to me to hear you say that. So far the reaction to the season 2 premiere has been just lovely. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. 💜

- Claire

[amysubmits]

Hi there, hope you are well. Realistically speaking, how can I get over the fantasy or rather my "unrealistic" desire of how I want my first time having sex to be? Nobody forgets their first time, but I can't help but want to it be a certain way that I know isnt exactly attainable. I want it to be romantic and sensual and very very intimate, in other words for it to be really love making instead of just getting it done with. I am mid twenties so I am pretty young and obviously inexperienced so I am not sure if it isnt right of me to want that cause its not really how the real deal is or if its just me being nieve to want something so unrealistic..

Hi! I am doing pretty well, thank you!

I don't think having a desire for something specific is ever bad or wrong. But, I can understand why you may find yourself wanting to double check that your expectations are reasonable so that you don't end up setting yourself up to be let down.

I think it's really reasonable to aim for romantic, sensual and intimate. I think your best bet for making that happen would be to talk to your partner in depth about what those three things mean to you or how to create those feelings for you. Because what feels romantic to one person might not feel romantic to you, and vise-versa. This is just me, but something that came to my mind with those words was massage. If massage helps you to feel intimate and sensual then perhaps specifically discussing starting out with a slow moving, quiet massage might be a plan you could make that would nearly guarantee that you'd at least tick off the 'sensual' goal if nothing else. Perhaps you can come up with other specific things to include that you know have a really high likelihood of making you feel intimate and romantic. In my mind, where you need to leave a lot of space for flexibility is in the actual sex part of it. Bodies are finicky especially when our emotions run high and it's natural to be nervous your first time, or your first time with a new person, or you're with someone who you know its their first time - and sometimes anxiety makes it hard to relax and that can make our bodies not respond to sex as positively as it would if we were able to relax more. The first few times I attempted to have PIV sex it wasn't possible (vaginismus). For other people they might be able to experience penetration but it might not feel good, or the guy might struggle with getting or sustaining an erection. Any series of things could 'go wrong' and so I'd try to go into it just planning to make an attempt and learn about your body and your partners body. I would try not to go into it hoping to have amazing sex that makes you both cry and orgasm together, or something like that. Because while that might sound really romantic, it's sometimes really hard to make our bodies react the way we'd like them to. So try to leave lots of space for how that part of it might go. But a mood of romance, sensuality and intimacy should be able to be achieved regardless of whether your body parts respond as you're hoping they will. So I'd try to focus on that rather than the exact details of how he sex will go. Maybe also ask yourself if there are needs you have based on fears. I easily could be reading way too much into what you wrote, but with you saying what you said about 'just getting it over with' I wonder if you have specific fears about sex not lasting very long, and/or about feeling used or something along those lines. And if you can pinpoint what your fears are, you can communicate those with your partner and see if you can come up with ways to buffer against those. Maybe discuss cuddling after the sex, for example, if that might make you feel like it was less of a 'just getting it over with' kind of experience. It's cliche, but communication is often really key to working things like this out. Try to communicate your needs and wishes as clearly as possible and with the right partner you'll get pretty far together by doing that. :)

[sheikitoff]

ocarina of time as fearless

If you're not deeply versed in Swiftian Lore, you probably think this was her first album, and understandably so. It's the album that Love Story and You Belong With Me are on, the album she first one the aoty grammy for, the album that gave rise to That VMA Incident- in other words, although it's her sophmore album, it's the one that broke out of the country music charts and into the Pop Sphere. Even if you've never listened to the album, you know it, at least to some degree. (Sound familiar?)

Yes, I've been trying to avoid making these analyses about the meta status of these works in pop culture, and instead about the contents and themes of the works themselves, but it's hard to talk about Ocarina without acknowledging its colossal footprint on games as a medium. While Fearless wasn't quite as pioneering as, say, inventing lock-on targeting, it did have a massive impact on the music industry, not only from a commercial perspective (revitalizing the country music market from its death throes), but from an important artistic perspective: she was a teenage girl who wrote her own songs, and in the last few years we've been seeing how significant an impact that had in the number of young female songwriters who cite Swift and this album as what made them realize they, too, could pick up a guitar and write their own stories.

(Also, this album includes the lyric "I don't know how it gets better than this", which is exactly what everyone said when Ocarina first came out xD )

Okay, onto the real analysis!

Fearless is an album about growing up, and reconciling the idealized vision of adulthood (or late adolescence) you've dreamed of all your life - the pastiche made up of images from teen movies and tv and magazines - with the uncomfortable and often disappointing reality you find upon your arrival. it's about making a beeline for adulthood and then looking back and wishing you could tell your younger self to stop and breathe (literally - there's a lyric on the album that goes "count to ten, take it in / this is life before you know who you're gonna be"). OOT is also, obviously and devastatingly, about growing up, and specifically about wanting to grow up and then getting there and realizing it's nothing like you thought it would be, and it cost you something you can never get back.

Fearless starts out with the title track, an ode to the excitement at the beginning of a first relationship, the siren call of young love; the whole world is wide open before you, and even the most mundane of things ("there's something 'bout the way / the street looks when it's just rained / there's a glow off the pavement) can seem magical. you want to bask in the moment and to hightail it to happily ever after all at once. taylor describes this feeling as "fearless", and one of the examples she gives of this fearlessness is "with you i'd dance / in a storm, in my best dress / fearless". it's kind of a perfect encapsulation of the exact brand of fearlessness that comes with youth: you can be that fearless in large part because you don't yet know what there is to fear out there. there are much scarier things in adult life and relationships than ruining your clothes in a storm, and there are much scarier things in hyrule than the stalchildren in hyrule field at night; and by the end of their respective album and game, both taylor and link will have learned that, however much they might wish they could go back to a time they'd not yet had to learn those lessons.

one of the oft-discussed kind of metanarrative features of OOT is that kids spend the opening section desperate to reach Adult Link. You'll hear people (mostly younger people, and people who haven't played since they were much younger) talk about the jump to Adult Link as "where the game really starts", or something along those lines. It's kind of trite to even point out how well this maps onto being a kid who can't wait to grow up, who sees adulthood as "when life really starts", and how central the difference between a child and adult's perspective on childhood is to the game and its themes. everyone somersaults and sidesteps across hyrule field as they try to book it to hyrule castle, and yeah, part of that is because hyrule field is so damn big and empty, but it makes for a nice little microcosm of what OOT is saying about growing up, as you hightail towards a destination you might not like once you get there.

even amidst the lows of growing up, there are always highs, too; both fearless and OOT let you bask in moments of triumph. there's a reason "love story" and "you belong with me" are still hailed among the best of pop music (fittingly enough, the former sees Taylor "sneak out to the garden to see you", just like Link sneaks into the castle garden to meet with Zelda; yes, I've been giggling about that since it occured to me.) but you can't freeze time in one, perfect moment, and even the cutesiest love songs start to develop a bit of a sad undertone: "hey stephen, why are people always leaving? / i think you and i should stay the same." while link's big "coming of age" moment obviously happens when he blinks and finds himself seven years older, his actual coming of age story starts at the very beginning of the game, as the darkness of the larger world encroaches on the idyllic kokori forest, poisoning and killing the deku tree; and in his child link travels, he encounters more of this darkness, be it darunia's depression or princess ruta’s deceased mother. notably, the darkest dungeon (pun not intended) of the whole game can only be accessed by child link. it's also likely the last extended bit of time you'll spend as child link in this game; some things you can't come back from knowing.

fearless charts a number of losses that come with growing up. on “white horse”, taylor laments the loss of the fantasies that come with childhood naïveté (“now i know / that i’m not a princess, this ain’t a fairytale”). this bears some similarity to the transition between acts one and two of OOT, as link and zelda’s grand plan to save the kingdom crashes down around them and they discover they’ve been outwitted since the very start; they fail, something stories and prophecies never prepared them for, and the consequences are more horrifying than they could have imagined (hyrule castle town post-time jump, anyone?) another fearless track, “breathe”, mourns the end of a friendship - not because you moved away or changed schools and lost touch, as with countless childhood friendships, but because the people you’ve grown into are just too different. it’s one of the less common elements of coming of age narratives, but one of the most heartbreaking parts of growing up: “never a clean break, no one here to save me / you’re the only thing i know like the back of my hand”. while link doesn’t lose a friend quite in the same way, there’s a similar kind of heartache in his friendship with saria, both in the realization that she hasn’t grown up and never will, and the discovery that they both have destinies that lead them apart, and must say goodbye.

“tell me why” and “you’re not sorry” both document the loss of blind trust, from a place of anger and of sadness respectively; then “the way i loved you” and “forever & always” each grapple with memories, how they can hold you back and how they can betray you. the former sees taylor unable to emotionally invest in a new relationship because of the intensity of a former one, which she misses in spite of herself: “my heart's not breaking /

'cause I'm not feeling anything at all.” in the latter, taylor is dismayed and angry to find that promises she and her partner made to each other meant less to him than they did to her. what’s particularly interesting about the latter song with regards to OOT is how it frames an emotional imbalance in a relationship in terms of memory: “back up, baby, back up / did you forget everything?” one of the most horrifying implications of everything link goes through in OOT is that, at the end, no one remembers but him, and none of the people he forged friendships with have any recollection of it at all; even navi leaves him. so much of OOT maps onto real parts of growing up, albeit in a fantastical and exaggerated fashion, and this has always evoked to me the experience of learning that someone you cherish your memories of doesn’t feel the same way, or remember nearly as much of your time together in childhood.

as we can see, the second half of the album is pretty much all sad or angry, until the very last two songs, but even those have caveats. "the best day" is a heartwarming tribute to her mother, but with a bittersweet twinge, as her recollections go from her mother taking her to a pumpkin patch to her mother consoling her as she cries about school bullies, and while her mother manages to cheer her up, taylor still notes that she “don't know how long it's gonna take to feel okay”; growing up means your problems aren’t as easily fixable, and your hurts last much longer. the final song, change, takes the inevitability of change, responsible for so much of the heartbreak throughout the album, and frames it as a source of hope, that if things can change, they will change again. it’s an anthem against giving up, but the song is premised on being stuck in a present that makes you want to give up (“you know it's all the same, another time and place / repeating history and you're getting sick of it”). in the final verse of the song, taylor goes from future tense (“these things will change”) to past tense (“it was the night things changed”). the music quiets down, and then the instruments kick back in more triumphant than ever (cue OOT end credits.) and yet the triumph here doesn’t hold a candle to the highs of “love story” and “you belong with me”. it’s the end of the album, and yet there’s less resolution here than there is on earlier tracks. real life doesn’t really have happily ever afters, not because happiness doesn’t exist but because life carries on where a movie would roll credits; all we can look forward to is the inexorable approach of change.

[anatheyma]

Oh, how I love asking questions! I am, in fact, a nosy bastard.

1, 6, 9, 11, 17, 18, 22, 24, 29.

You can also give me somes and I will answer them since you're not really good at asking people, haha.

–🦴

sure!!! :]

1. what i do for work

i'm unemployed currently due to a few reasons, but i studied art and photography before that and my last job was at a coffee shop. so generic queer of me

6. something i regret

A LOT. not leaving bad situations when i should've left. not hugging my little brother enough. hurting people i care about. yeah

9. a confession

sigh... ok. i was jack the ripper back in 1888

17. embarrassing memory

oh man. i went to the ER in the middle of the night once during a horrid panic attack because i had convinced myself i was going to die. i cried in the waiting room for an hour or so before the nurse took me in and gave me one of those masks that help you breathe and once i calmed down and my brain registered that there was indeed nothing physically wrong with me i said i'm sorry i think it was just a panic attack and the nurse said something along the lines of "i know" LMAO she was really sweet about it but knowing she took electrocardiogram and all that just to calm me down knowing i was imagining it the whole time felt so awkward immediately after

18. most expensive thing i've bought

probably my laptop idk... rarely have the funds to make any big purchases

22. a song that evokes a bad memory

wish you were here by pink floyd

24. favorite pet name from partner

puppy or pup obviously!

29. how different is my adult self from the way i pictured when i was little

well, the thing is that i always knew how i wanted to be and how i wanted to look, and i think little me would be happy to see how far he's gotten since growing up :] so not too different at all, just didn't think i'd ever become this idealized version of myself that i had imagined back then. also, i actually talk to people nowadays. selective mutism step aside, i have learned to mask 🙏

also you're right, i'm bad at asking people to tell me about themselves. it's not that i don't care, i'm actually curious as hell, but i'm more of an observer and lurker and just make mental notes of whatever information people feel comfortable sharing with me lol but !!! if you want to, you can answer 5, 9, 16, 29 for me :]

[jinx-on-mars-19xx]

Just wondering (no hate, I promise) what are your specific issues with MF and MGK’s relationship? Not a fan of hers (last I saw was Jennifer’s Body), and though I like his music I’m not really into keeping up with gossip (bad for my mental health), so I truly mean it, what’s up with them? Also feel free to not answer this is if you’re not doing well/are worried you’ll get hate for it. Hope you’re having a great day :)

Oh I'll probably definitely get hate for it, people who support her tend to act like her which I'm sure in their eyes is a lovely thing. I'd refer you mostly to @triplexdoublex for alllll the bullet points, I truly try to keep my page to supporting the boys- though I can't always keep myself from a few choice words about her. Roxy has always been the best at covering what happens between them, though I think even she is getting a bit worn down by it so I wouldn't suggest asking so much as scrolling through her old posts. But I'll take a small crack at it.

I was supportive in the beginning, he talked like he was so in love and I have plenty of old posts showing them off and telling people to leave them alone, but then the drama started.

She would post something melodramatic and keep it super cryptic and sad and people would automatically spread rumors he was cheating. She let rumors spread that he gave her a ring that physically hurt if she took it off, never explaining he hadn't. The jewelry company had to explain. She posted a pic of her arm in a cast and said something like 'I deserved this' or something along those lines which of course people started saying he had hurt her. Eventually the movie company she had been filming with came out explaining she fell during a stunt. This is a small amount of things she would post that would start rumors he was abusive and she fueled the fire at every turn instead of fixing it. She has only once that I can think of said anything to fix the problem and even then it was after posting a caption alluding to him cheating and people went wild and pulled his female guitarist into the mix. She deleted her Instagram and hid for a long time before saying it was "all the media's fault". She acts like she's never to blame but she loves stirring the pot and watching his reputation burn.

There are a lot of images of the exact opposite happening, her very obviously "getting on to him" in public at award shows or just shunning him when he'd get near, which of course also spread rumors but only about him.

She acts like she fixed him, she flat out said she manifested him into existence as a child. Like he's some bad boy archetype and nothing more. Like he's there to serve her. It's not healthy for either of them, her putting that much pressure on him or her having that high of thought about him. There's so many things that make me twitch when I see that they're still together. His personality changes, the way he seems submissive around her but himself everywhere else. The way his own friends seem to come out in support of him staying free of her. Pretty much all of this is on Roxy's page, she did an amazing job keeping up with it all.

I'm sure I'm about to get hate for this, besides my fics I've tried to be mostly careful about staying out of it but for a few random mentions. I've supported Roxy when people come for her and that's how most of the hate has ended up here but honestly I just feel bad for them. I don't spend my time hating her, I don't sit around and fume about it, I try not to even post about it much. Besides my genuine concern for him I don't actually focus on her much at ALL anymore. Why waste my time on hate? I'm sure I'll get anon rage for this but like... That must be a really hard way to live. I always think that about her too. How exhausting it must be to crave attention and shit stirring like that. How tiring narcissism must be. I don't wish harm on her, I just don't think either of them are healthy together. She needs to find herself again as much as he needs free. She's literally changing herself to fit what she thinks he wants. Just so people pay attention? Shit that must suck. Hopefully this explained a few things but again I suggest a deep dive on Roxy's page for the best info 🖤 Hope you have a great day too!

[itwoodbeprefect]

911 season 7 episode 3!!!

fjkdf i love when we get a little montage to introduce minor characters in the episode, and i love when that's fun, and i think this family is fun (corey!), but they really got me when the grandmother went "we need to get to the lifeboats. i want a good seat!"

the thing about 911 is. the thing about 911 is that at some point i WILL end up crying a little from the stress of the awful terrible horrible situations these fictional characters end up in

"dead men don't bleed." bobby throwing out a banger of a revenge western title

"what are you all doing! on the ceiling!!!" that's a VERY good question, norman.

i'm, let's say, a little skeptical of the real world feasability of this rope and climbing rescue plan bobby is executing, but i do love when 911 goes hey! what the fuck! enjoy some action movie shenanigans!

"wish buck could have seen you do that." "honestly, i would have much rather seen buck do that." <3

love the way maddie is trying to have a phone conversation with chim but buck and eddie keep half joining in, like kids in the back seat of the car only catching half the conversation between their parents.

"so who's missing, bobby and athena or hen?" "yes." one of those lines that's extremely obviously something the writers set up for themselves, but i can't fault them for it, because i will admit i do like a corny overused joke.

"how are you feeling?" "like my world's been turned upside-down." man, this is a guy who knows how to milk his situation for fitting witty comments. first the whole gambling thing, now this.

"hen, where are you?" oh, she's just doing illegal paperwork. <3

dear god. so far, counting the communications officer who died last episode, this is turning out to be a survivable emergency unless you're a black man.

OH. OKAY.

so this is where tommy shows up!!

"could be why i haven't been getting your christmas cards." fdjkfd.

i felt like i'd probably seen every scene with tommy in it giffed ten different ways by now, but i did NOT see much of this, or realize that this is how he came back into the picture. good for him. he's immediately making up for past bad behavior by randomly having hen's back.

oh, of course. not random!! it's family, doing ill-advised heroic things that should get them fired togetherrrr. <3

"oh, i think this is an open channel." "do you, buck? do you really?" fjkdfd.

awwww. the 118: WHO CARES. 💪

always a fun time when the guy behind the controls of the helicopter says you're probably all going to die anyway!

lola: "i've never been with another man." norman: "neither have i!" ?? evan buckley, SECOND bi character this season

mr. doctor stepping up!! love that for him!!

"well, unless you feel like swimming back, that's all we've got." i do love this personality they've given tommy!

also, i realize tommy's last name is kinard, which has entirely different origins, but i keep hearing canard, as in french for duck, which would be kind of funny for a man flying over water.

tommy being stupidly willing to go along with the 118's stupid let's-just-maybe-all-die-here-for-hen's-hunch plan! i adore that this is how we're introduced to him again, it's so good, hard not to immediately love him.

guy who's been very rightfully and realistically skeptical of their chances of survival from the start: "but there's nothing out there." [helicopter noises] < continuing the tradition of characters with a normal reasonable view of the world being smugly proven wrong on this show, fjdkfd.

the thank you for choosing oceanis blue last words, oh my god. very goofy.

"i'm not supposed to go with strangers." corey, i love you.

"what are we gonna do?" "we're gonna keep trying." damn if that isn't bobby coming up with a way better line than buck's off the top of his head. the 118: we're gonna keep trying.

fjdkfd sorry but if you're bobby trying to rescue a little kid and the door above you closes up and you can't get it open and the water keeps rising and you're about to drown (again), and then the door DOES suddenly pop open and buck and eddie in full gear are grinning down at you when there's supposed to be absolutely ZERO chance of them even being on this sinking ship in the middle of the ocean in a hurricane to begin with, i think that maybe, for at least a quick second there, you might think that this time you finally did die.

ohoho! see this, of course, i did see giffed.

hen thanking maddie is good. bobby calling hen captain is great. bobby and athena getting back home and taking their fast food into the bedroom is lovely. love when there's at least a little time to wind down from the episode. <3

[pebblysand]

hey hey good morning and salutations and completely optional Ask!

There is RedditDiscourse about the question of if Harry would find it hard to say 'I love you' for the first time, and re-reading Castles, as one does, I notice that you have him fairly easily saying it to Hermione (along with a beautiful little meditation on the different forms of it), in Chapter 2, but yes, struggling with Ginny--a thing I really like is that you portray it as also him struggling to BELIEVE it from her.

So, anyhoo...Deep Thoughts if you'd like, on this somewhat silly but also central topic--saying it versus displaying it non-verbally, what exactly might make it difficult for my boy to say it out loud, and characterization choices you made in having him able to articulate this to Hermione (would she, in your head canon, be the first person he said that to?)

All very optional, of course. Enjoy your day!

oh wow, redditdiscourse™ - sounds frightening lol 😅.

jokes aside, yeah, that's something i did think about quite a lot, especially when i wrote that hermione scene. initially, i was like 'eh, would he say that?' and remember being a bit unsure. i must also come clean on the fact that i did recently ret-con the hinny break-up scene in chapter 3 re: 'i love you,' - originally, harry said it to ginny as they were arguing to try and get her to stay, now he admits it to hermione, when they're talking on the couch instead:

'I fucking love her,' he says. 'Dumbledore said it would always be enough, he said -’  

that change wasn't so much due to the fact that i thought he wouldn't admit it, though, it was more to do with the fact that i thought as they're arguing, he's totally in shock, and i thought it just wouldn't actually occur to him to say it in the first place. he's still trying to process and she's slipping away, and it all goes too quickly for him to really do anything. he admits it later to hermione cause he's drunk off his mind and has no filter. but, i might change it again whenever i do another re-read. castles is a work in progress and i do change some things sometimes, and so we'll see where i ultimately land with that.

but coming back to your question, i think it's one of those where, when it comes to characterisation, you can really argue both points. on the one hand, love is everywhere in those books, and harry's never particularly shy about it. it's what saved his life, that of his friends, etc. he argues for love in his last faceoff with voldemort, still believes in love in spite of everything that's happened to him, and that's what's remarkable about him, etc. so, i don't think he's scared of love. he's pretty open about the fact that he loves ron and hermione in narration, although he never actually says it to them "on screen". i'd definitely see him say it to ron pretty routinely, the way men sometimes do - like if ron did something stupid, harry'd laugh and say 'ah, love you mate,' and the like.

that's what made me "side" with keeping that line in when it came to hermione, in the end. i was like: this is someone who won a literal war thanks to love, i can't imagine him being shy about it. it's also what led me to initially write him saying it to ginny so early on. when you've lost so many people you cared about so much, you tell those who remain you love them. and, it kind of feeds into the frantic nature of the early chapters, of this sort of post-war euphoria with a lot of Big Feelings and i-love-you-i-can't-believe-we're-alive. it's not necessarily the same kind of love he later feels, but it's a love that's there. be it hermione or ginny, it's like: 'omg, we made it.'

also, harry's not someone who's particularly private or guarded, most of the time. when he kisses cho, he tells his best mates. when he kisses ginny, he does so in front of everyone without giving a fuck. and, this is obviously castles-canon, but he's also not shy about how he feels re:Mia - he knows he loves her, says it, even if it's not the way she wishes he would. i'm not saying he wears his heart on his sleeve, but he's not someone who's particularly secretive about the way he feels. same thing: when he's upset or angry, everyone knows it.

on the other hand, it's true: i don't think he ever says it in the books. so, you could also conceivably argue that he thinks it a lot but doesn't say it out loud, and that he might think it makes him seem more vulnerable. i think his reluctance to say it a second time in chapter 16 is however more rooted in what you pointed out: he doesn't believe ginny when she says it. so, he's more guarded. and, also, i think it just takes him a while to understand his feelings. they're slowly building themselves back up, you know? and generally, i do think that because of his upbringing, he would find it harder to believe it when it came from other people - not just ginny. i think if hermione or ron said they loved him, part of him would think 'ah, they're just saying that.' he's not someone who grew up being wanted. he loves Other People, but can't imagine Other People loving him.

in terms of headcanon, i think the first person he actually says it to is ron, as i said. but again, i don't think it's such a massive deal to him. i do headcanon harry and ginny as this sort of couple who say 'love you!' every time they hang up the phone. again, they're gryffindors. they're not shy and have Very Big Feels.

thanks for the question though, it's a super interesting one.

[quinloki]

Omg thank you! I definitely followed all those accounts immediately. I've read some of the Magnet Mondays! I really enjoy those too. I think Kid's character is hard to get 'canon' sometimes since, obviously with him not having a lot of screen time, he's so rough and obstinate. So either he's written like a totally one-dimensional maniac, or it's too OOC (which is whatever; freedom of expression!) and I can't keep immersed in the story.

** Now only if we could get a manga appearance from our boy. Anything really. I'd take another shot of him sitting in a cell at this point ☠️ #TeamKidBetterBeOk #OrIWillQuit

I'm glad - I hope you find tons of stuff to read that delights you \o/

I know what you mean with the "canon" vibe for Kid. There's a lot we can infer, between the anime and the manga, but not much is set in stone. Even so, putting any character in an AU does give more room for wiggle.

Usually, for any character, as long as the broad strokes line up I'm good - sometimes full on out of character (hard yandere for example) is what I'm looking for. I love seeing people's personal takes on characters, and if something doesn't align enough for me to enjoy it I'll usually just move on, because you're not wrong - sometimes someone else's take can just take you right out of it.

It is both the beauty, and the frustration, of fandom and all its different shapes of love it has for the material xD Some of it I do enjoy from a respectable distance. For instance, I don't see Luffy as gluttonous for sex as he is for food, but I've seen some "I can see how you got there" takes about it that I can appreciate the attention to detail on. ^_^

Manga chatter below the cut, enter at your own risk!

As for the manga - I've thought long and hard about how I'd react if Kid was truly down for the count. I just started watching One Piece last year - April 2022, and I really love it. There's just so much and it's just about as perfect as I think something like it could be.

If Kid - and by extension Law - were done being in the story, then that's what it is, and I'll have to be okay with it. Because I want to stay with this until it's end - bitter or sweet as it may be.

For what it's worth, I don't think either are done. Kid and Law might lounge at rock bottom - rightfully so - for a while, but Luffy won't let them stay that way. With Law headed to parts unknown and Luffy headed to Elbaf, the three are going to meet on that island I'm sure of it.

These are, by rights, Luffy's friends. Shanks is, by Luffy's own admission not so much a mentor as a rival. A friendly rival, sure, but Shanks is something for Luffy to overcome.

I don't know, it might just be wishful thinking, but I feel like we're going to find out Luffy's true dream, and something will work out where Luffy, Kid, and Law can and do work together, because their end goals are all just different enough that they can.

The end of the story might not be "the friendship we made along the way" xD but getting to the end is certainly going to a Power of Friendship deal, in that "you can't help but what to follow Luffy" sort of way, and I'm here for it.

But that's just my opinion <3

[legobatjoker]

BTW BTW LIST OF GOOD LEAKED TAYLOR SONGSS funfact i has a unreleased taylor songs playlist but i j put all the songs in their so to get together a list i made another playlist called top tier unreleased taylor along with the one thats just called unreleased taylor. real daniel vs the cooler daniel vibes DFHDFHD anyway !! okay first of all battles and drama queen are on there idk if uv listened to them yet but they are SO GOOD so listen to those and also okay the thing abt all these other songs (at least the ones im listing here bc idk abt the others on tht google drive that i didnt listen to) is theyre all from the . around the time of the songs from her debut album so theyre all v debutcore by which i mean theyre all very country (which im 90% sure ur v much good with so 👍🏽) and also like bc she wrote her debut album when she was very young (and some of these songs she wrote when she was even younger apparently? idk most of my info is coming from the little information thing tht genuis lyrics has for the song at the end and most of them arent v descriptive for unreleased songs lol) they songs have like a v like. earnest teenaged vibe to me the same way tht debut does (mean tht in a /pos way btw its one of the things i love abt tht album and these songs) anyway WOW this ask has been going on fora while without me actually giving you any songs anyway BASICS i'd Lie, Sweet Tea And God's Graces, The Diary Of Me i feel like those ones are like prettyyy basic leaked songs like. u can find them rly easily online i had heard them all before this even tho i didnt always seek out unreleased songs bc i feel like theyre rly common to find but also dont take this as me shaming u if u havent already heard them im j saying tht since i had already heard them in my mind they were the Basics but who knows maybe the other ones are also rly easy to find i just hadnet before today ANYWAY those three are all rly good imo id lie is the BEST !! so fucking good one of my fave unreleased taylor songs but the other two are also rly good sweet tea and gods graces is a bit christian-y but to like. the same extent as our song about so like not a hugee deal DFHDFHD anyway also OMG some songs that stand out as rly good to me are Firefly, Better Off, Drive All Night (Just South Of Knowing Why), Thirteen Blocks (Cant Call It Love), and Tell Me theyre all SO GOOD my most faves are firefly better off and just south of knowing why but theyre all so good !!! also not as good imo but i also rly like Live For The Little Things j bc i i enjoy thee vibes nd think its rly cute, R-E-V-E-N-G-E bc its so petty in such a fun way, For You bc i think its rly sweet and Lucky You just beucase i think its really fun and cute !!!! so i wld say listen to all of those ones :3 thts my recommendation at least its not comprehensive i didnt listen to every song on tht drive and i might be missing a few rly good ones) if u wish to pls tell me what u think of those songs >:> !!! ALSO idk if its in that google drive bc already had it downloaded (regardless i know it was on youtube at least at some point + i cld always send u the file) so i didnt bother looking but Me And Britiney is also really good so if its on there download tht to ALSO ALSO i recomened looking u the lyrics to the songs but maybe thts bc thts something i need listening to most songs the first time? but cld also be bc its leaked its not badd and some have it better but the audio quality isnt as good as an official song wld be (at least i think lol) but Live For The Little Things all the lyrics iv found are REALLYY badly transcribed for some lines like there a line thats very obviouslly listening to it saying "that love as first sight" but the lyrics say "that love and person" which is . not what is being sung?? kinda obviously imo but whatever do tht for the songs tht arent that one FDHDFHDF anyway YA !!!!

OMG OMG I AM SOOO EXCITED TO LISTEN TO ALL OF THESE WHEN I GET THE CHANCE…… i will tell u what i think when i do but ahhh im excited tysmmmmmm for sharing the link w me and telling me ab it :333!!!! also yah some of them being p country is so so so not a problem for me like. i can b a country girl if its good LMAO

[livredebelle]

Act II: Nineteen: New seasons

FALL/WINTER.

IT WAS A WINDY NOVEMBER MORNING, AND WEATHER-WISE everything was perfect. I stared up at the sky in wonder. Had so much time really already passed? Once school had started, the months had flown without my consent or awareness. Having no time for anything but my studies, I delved into the life of a full-time university student. I had quit my barista job, because working with Johnny after knowing my mom was controlling him would feel too strange, to say the least. I was getting allowance--or "trust fund money," as my mother called it--from my new rich stepfather anyway, so it wasn't like I actually needed a job.

Stepfather. I shuddered for some odd reason. Over the past few months, my mother had gotten very lovey-dovey, and it felt so wrong to have to witness it--especially during meals. Richard had arranged one mandatory dinner together as a family per month, and so far they had been nothing but painful--like, physically painful--as I was forced to watch my mother gush at him with round eyes and butter him up, while Richard remained stoic and deadly silent. Why didn't he stop it? I didn't understand the man. 

Rosalie, oblivious to it all, would chirp through the meal and ask me 100 questions about what I had been doing the past few years in my independence. At first I thought, Of course she wants to know. I'd be curious, too! But then it became excessive. Had she always been this nosy? I still loved her, of course, but I was beginning to remember why I frequently wished when I was younger to have been an only child. 

Thankfully, with the fall semester coming to wraps in a couple of weeks, I had a legitimate excuse to not attend those mandatory dinners. I spent most nights in the library at the penthouse studying. If I wasn't studying, I liked to read, mainly classical romance--or horror, depending on my mood--novels, as well as books about ancient mythology. I was well-suited for the solitary life. 

Just one teensy problem: I wasn't living a solitary life. 

After the initial shocking encounter with Heath--a very close call--I had confronted Mother about it, furious, but she couldn't understand why. 

"What's the matter with that? You two get along alright, don't you? Just think of it as having a roommate. That young man's been living in the penthouse floor ever since Richard hired him as his assistant, so it would be unfair to kick him out now, don't you think?"

"Surely you don't think this is appropriate?! I mean--" I stammered. Did I have to make it that obvious for her to understand?

"Dearie, there's no problem with that. Mother will simply think of it as... a double-guarantee that we have some kind of small fortune in the future, worst case scenario."

She'd winked, and I remember feeling sick to my stomach. So this had been her plan all along. Either way, through her marriage or through me, she was going to become rich via this company.

"Rest assured, child, if he steps out of line of course we'll intervene. But if nothing has happened, it seems silly to make a problem out of something out of nothing, especially before it's even known to happen, now wouldn't it?"

And that was that.

Obviously, I didn't have a say in it. And I had already moved in and made the change, so it was too late now. I had looked into whether my old apartment was still available, and indeed it was not. 

'If Quinn and I had still been friends, I could've probably moved in with him...' 

I shoved away the thought. What was even the point of wondering what could have been? It was all in the past now. 

Whenever I ran into Quinn at school, it was always extremely awkward, at least for me. It happened more often than I had hoped; both of us being coffee enthusiasts, I often ran into him at the Starbucks near campus, or even in the hallways as we were in the same department (Humanities)--he was majoring in Philosophy, while I was majoring in Literature. My reaction whenever this happened was always the same: I would duck my head down, stare hard at the floor as if I was sorely interested in the tile patterns, and walk away as fast as I could in a hopefully not-too-obvious manner. 

I couldn't help it. I knew it was cowardly, but I didn't have the guts to face him or his wrath. Since our friendship was clearly over anyway, did it even matter? In fact, I thought it would naturally be that way. 

I just thanked the Lord that at least we weren't in the same classes as each other. With him one year above me, I was sure it would never happen. 

However, Quinn wasn't the only one I was trying desperately to run away from.

I had another problem, and his name was Heath. 

He was much more persistent, and whenever we made eye contact on campus, he would start beaming and head over to me, calling me by name in a rather loud voice. Flustered, I'd run away, but it wasn't long before we became the topic of gossip in our department. Since my major consisted of only a small number of students, they were close-knit and liked to pick on gossip prey. I rolled my eyes whenever I saw them. They were like a flock of pigeons, waiting for some delicious bread crumbs to be hurled their way. Truly, like those birds, they were brainless, too. The girls in particular were jealous of the attention I was getting from Heath, the "hot" TA of our Classics class. Lucky me.

Nevertheless, although I hated being the center of attention, I couldn't help but wonder what Heath made of it. Wouldn't it be a problem if he--as a faculty member of the school--got romantically involved with a student, by insinuation or otherwise?

Some of the undergraduate girls in his classes got the same idea, apparently, because one day I found myself cornered in the bathroom by a couple of them.

One had bushy, curly red hair--looking like a raggedy-ass Ronald McDonald--

"Hey, I've been hearing some things."

The girl next to her with glowing, golden skin kicked the nearby trash can with her combat boots, probably in an effort to intimidate me. But I stood my ground, keeping my chin high.

"'Sup?"

"I'm not done talking, you slut. I was saying, I've been hearing that you've been quite the social butterfly. Everybody seems to be talking about you."

"I fail to see how that's my problem."

"Oh, but it is. You see, there's sort of this unspoken rule here--things run differently, and you can't just waltz in here and steal someone else's prey. Otherwise you'll get thrashed."

I guffawed. Seriously--that was the best she could come up with? What were we, back in kindergarten?

"Are you laughing, you dumb bitch?"

"Aw, c'mon, Ronald!" I sighed dramatically, wiping a tear from my eye in an effort to antagonize her. It worked; I saw her buggy eyes get wider as I clicked my tongue. "You're not seriously about to tell me that you called dibs on our TA, and you want me to keep my claws off of him?"

"What did you--"

"I mean, I just can't do this. I mean, no offense, but I am physically incapable of dealing with people I have zero respect for. You can't even deal with your own ego contests by yourself."

The girl with the combat boots loomed over me. "Are you done talking, or can we start 'thrashing' you now, as you so delicately put it?"

Before I could blink, her hand was flying across my face, and I fell to the floor by the sheer force of it. It didn't hurt, just stung, yet I couldn't fight back with my weak ass body. I had always been born fragile. I could do nothing but try to shield myself while the group of four or five hovered over me and began stomping on me with their feet. All I could think was, thank goodness they weren't wearing heels.

I was aiming for an opportunity to bite someone's leg when a better idea crossed my head.

"Eeeeeek!"

One of the groupies screamed as I quickly whipped out my lighter in an effort to burn her leg that was hovering over my face. I didn't care what consequences might befall me--I had to protect myself, so it would be considered self-defense. I knew that, but they probably didn't.

"What the fuck! This bitch is crazy!"

I smirked at the comment.

They had no idea.

"Let's get outta here. People are starting to gather around the commotion."

The group started to disperse, leaving me on the ground. I breathed out a heavy sigh of relief, which faded just as soon as it came. The voice had been right; a crowd of strangers were blocking the entrance to the bathroom, and I had no way out without revealing my face. In other words, I wouldn't be able to avoid becoming a spectacle and the subject of idle gossip.

"Shit," I muttered in frustration. This was very much not what I needed--I was more than content being a loner, but I didn't want this kind of negative attention more than anything.

The thought of becoming a source of everyone's vain entertainment had my nerves spike to a whole new level.

"All right, everybody, let's get back to your usual business and to class. What are you guys all camping outside of the ladies' bathroom for? This is super weird, if I must say."

A familiar voice. My roommate. Immediately, a wave of relief washed over my body; but once I realized what was happening, my sense of ease vanished.

Why would Heath's voice make me relieved? We still barely knew each other or talked despite living together, despite the one-sided flirting on his part. I had no reason to believe he was on my side--I should know better and be careful, I chided myself.

"I'd be an idiot to trust him," I mumbled out loud, but I couldn't deny that he was doing me a huge favor right now with his TA authority to shoo people away. Whether he knew he was doing me a favor, I didn't know--but I also didn't care. I just wanted to leave the shitty scene already and get back to class myself to make good on my tuition.

I strained my ears but heard nothing. Convinced, I slowly crept up to the entrance door--

--and ran head smack into Heath's chest.

Eyes widening, he asked, "What are you doing here, Irina?" I could feel my face turning hot with humiliation.

As if he didn't know! He had to know and was making a fool out of me.

I shoved away at his chest and tried to move past him without a response, but he continued to block the way.

"I heard there was a... disturbance of sorts in the women's bathroom, but I didn't expect to see you here. Did anything happen? Are you hurt?" He sounded angry as he said the last part.

"Why do you care? Oh, if you're asking as a teacher, don't worry--I'm not gonna press charges against the school, or make a big deal about it or anything. I'll be quiet, so hey, no worries."

"What?"

"That's how things are usually handled, right?" I said coolly. God, I knew that my anger was being misdirected, but I felt so mortified to be in this situation that I didn't care what I said. I'd say whatever venom I had to in order to run away.

"Look, I have no fucking idea what you're talking about." Heath's voice matched my tone, and I shivered unwillingly. "If you don't feel like telling me, then fine, that's your prerogative. But I'm not your punch bag, Rina. If you keep treating me this unfairly, I'll have no choice but to punish you."

His voice fell to a low octave, almost as if he was purring. For a second I froze, unable to decipher what the hell was happening. But it was just another one of his ploys.

I couldn't explain the tingle that ran through my body, my veins, my blood at the insinuation in the last sentence. It almost made me whimper as I dared to imagine, for a moment of insanity, what kind of things he could do to me as punishment in the bedroom.

But as quickly as the bout of nonsense had come, I jolted out of it, too much of a seasoned warrior.

No. No. I won't. I won't fall for his tricks.

"Don't make me sick," I hissed instead, hoping he didn't catch how my voice nearly wavered at the end. I successfully pushed him to the side and nearly sprinted away from him to clear my head.

This guy was like a poison fog slowly seeping into my brain. Dangerous and lethal.

I had a gene for addiction and I knew it. I also knew I couldn't afford it--physically, mentally, emotionally and even spiritually--to fall under his spell.

Get your fucking shit together, Irina. You didn't go through hell and worse just for all your efforts to go to waste on a guy of all things.

Taking a deep breath, I strode off to my next class.

[sweettodo]

Professor ⟿ Hisoka Morow x femreader

Includes : smut, student x teacher

Word count : 2,7k

[STUDENT IS AGED, IN COLLEGE]

••

"Please- please sir, I'll do anything, please don't fail me this semester."

Professor Morow sits in his office chair; hand on his chin as he ponders, he did like the sound of you begging.

••

You could cry.

You could drop out right fucking now. Beyond fed up.

Tutor after tutor, study session after study session since ninth grade never did you any justice, even cheating- peeking over to your neighbors left you with an end result of the huge red D's, F's and C's scribbled onto your paper. You were tearing the hair out of your head.

You couldn't write an English essay even if there was a gun being held to your temple; you weren't necessarily illiterate, but you envied your classmates who could throw together a thesis in an hour lecture, not to mention these giant papers which could've driven you to kill.

Today, bright and early in the morning, here you sit in your English classroom writing a timed essay, an essay about the logistics of capitalism, whatever that meant. Headache booming while you wrote illogical sentences onto lined paper vigorously.

You didn't even bother to read over your work; an hour later you're finally standing up from your seat and shuffling down the row, reaching to drop your paper into the basket, "Miss. Y/l/n, have you looked it over?" Professor asks, you smile and nod, he takes it from you.

"I wrote it sir, I don't need to reread it." You retort, he leans back in his chair and raises an eyebrow at you.

"That's not necessarily what I meant; very well then." He smiles, you go back to your seat and wait for class to be over.

Thirty minutes later, kids are gathering up their bags and papers, scurrying out of the classroom to their next lecture, as you walk out of the double doors into the hallway, your last name is being called and you stop in your tracks, turning around, "yes, Mr. Morow?" You respond, stepping back into the classroom, he stands from his desk, hands patting the black button up as he stands, he waits for you to approach his desk, his arms crossed and he seemed a little irritated.

You approach the front of his desk, nervous, "now, you can't honestly tell me this is your best work." He sighs, you swallow hard, slightly embarrassed, he looked completely unfazed.

"W-well, in my defense Mr-" you stutter, he immediately cuts you off.

"There is no excuse for this lackluster paper." He states, you jump out of your skin, his tone threatening. Everyone always knew not to mess with professor Morow, he was strict and rarely tolerated unprofessionalism. But you- you, always drove him mad, he hated how you acted, he wished he could fail you for the year, being as you were so incompetent.

But that would be immoral or him to stoop that low.

"I should have you rewrite this, do you know how important this is for your grade? Do you want to pass, y/n?" You not, picking at your nails in fear, he was definitely failing you for this semester.

"I'm sorry sir, I try- I really do, it's just I can't bring myself to it." You mumble, head down in total humiliation. "Please- please sir, I'll do anything, please don't fail me this semester." You plead.

Professor Morow sits in his office chair; hand on his chin as he ponders, he did like the sound of you begging.

He sighs and moves towards his bag, opening it and shuffling through papers, pulling out mine, you braced yourself, "you're going to rewrite this, I will swallow my pride and give you a chance, I'd like to see you get higher than a C." He deadpans, you nod, gracious for his generosity.

Handing the essay back to you, "would you like me to do it right now?" You ask, he shakes his head no, closing his bag and picking it up.

"Nope, I'll help you later, you'll have to leave campus for this evening, so clear your schedule." Your eyes widen, he begins walking out, back to you before he peers his head back towards you, "do you want help?"

"Yes, yes sir I do." You sputter, he gives you a half cocked smile.

"That's what I thought." He leaves you breathless as he turns off the lights as he turns the corner out of his class, leaving you there in the barely lit room. You slowly walk out of the empty class, unsure if something like this was even appropriate, 'but it has to be, he's helping you.'

The next few hours would feel like eternity, laying chest up, looking at your ceiling spread eagle bored out of your mind. Waiting for time to pass before you anxiously awaited for later tonight. As you lay there, you hear your phone swoosh, indicating you had just received an email. You sit up and snatch your phone off the bed stand, opening it and seeing an email from the professor.

With an address being the only thing sent to you, you don't bother responding, 'this must be his house,' you spoke out loud, looking at the time on your phone, you might as well get ready, only an hour until you need to leave.

Wearing the same thing you had worn all day, a plain black skirt with a sweater, you just spray perfume over yourself and brush through your hair.

It was only 5pm, but the time of the year brought early darkness; so it was pretty dark by the time you were walking through the parking lot and unlocking your car door. Bag in toe you drive off campus, you scolded yourself for being so, so stupid. How can’t someone write an essay? Not to mention you were at fault for letting it get this bad... a teacher, y/n? A teacher is doing this for you? It was embarrassing.

Soon you're driving up the spiral driveway up towards the large house in your view, nice car in the driveway, lawn well taken care of. It was beautiful. You take off your seatbelt, opening the car door with your bag and keys in hands.

You walk up the path and inhale before you're knocking on the door; waiting a few seconds and the door is opening. Professor Morow allowed you entrance, wearing the same button up and black slacks as earlier in class. We great each other, "follow me, my office is upstairs." He speaks, you follow him up the marble stairs, down the hall and he's opening a beautiful wooden door, a large desk, chairs in front, a couch with a bookcase behind it with stunning red curtains which were closed.

"You have a nice home Mr. Morow, stunning." You breathe, looking around and observing.

"My, well thank you y/n." He hums, sitting in his chair behind the desk, you sit in front of him, taking out your paper along with a notebook and pencil, “I'll have you rewrite, and after each paragraph I'll read it over for you." He says, crossing his leg, you nod.

"I- I wanted to thank you again, for helping me." Yoy mutter, he nods slowly.

"Don't worry, you'll make it up to me." He smirks, motioning to your paper to get you to start; so you do. Starting with your thesis, you spend extra time making sure you think it looked good. You hand it to him and he reads it over, eyes trailing across the page, "not bad, but I know you can write more about the proprieties within some enterprises.” You groaned and quickly started erasing, his hand immediately grabs your wrist, stopping you, “I didn’t say erase it.” He insists, you look up at him, then down at his hand; a big hand wrapped around your wrist obviously didn’t fill your head with appropriate things.

He suddenly stands, walking around the desk and reaches his arm to grab your pencil, his arm flexing next to your head while he rewrites the things you disregarded, your throat hitches, sitting still and tense; intimidated by his cologne aroma and the fact he was inches from you, “what has you so tense?” You internally gasp, heart beating and you see him now standing against his desk to your right. How the fuck could you answer this?

“I-uh, no reason.” You nervously chuckle, he crosses his arms; he didn’t buy it at all.

“Cat got your tongue?” He chuckles, stepping closer to you, you stared up at him, he towered over you, swallowing hard, “no need to be nervous, y/n.” He says. The tension was really thick in the room, you didn’t notice until you found yourself pressing your thighs together for pressure.

“Sir I-” his hand moves, tucking hair behind your ear, instantly silencing you. You’re spinning. Such an authoritative man making you feel small was a new feeling you hadn’t felt before; like you needed to listen to him or else you’d be in some type of trouble.

“I hope you’re paying attention, if you want to do good of course.” He murmurs, dropping his hand back down, you nod slowly, listening to him. “I’ve always known you could be a good girl.” You were stunned, you chewed on the inside of your mouth like crazy as he still stood over you.

“Mr. Morow,” you breathe, nervous, “I need to pass this class.” The desperation in your voice was pitiful, and Hisoka fucking loved it.

He brings his hand up to your jaw, caressing only a little with his thumb, “don’t worry, you’ll get a good grade,” he purrs, thumb running across your bottom lip, agonizingly slow, “open.” Mouth opening immediately. His thumb slides into your mouth and down deeper towards the back of your throat. You look up at him with beady eyes, he licks his lips and smiles.

He pulls out of your mouth, you hesitantly bring your two hands up, lightly touching his belt, his head drops down and he assists you in unbuckling his black leather belt, “my my, such a fast learner, so good.” Your face heats up, fingers working at the zipper of his pants, the tight space was noticeable, the bulge in his pants made you squirm.

Hand grabbing the back of your head, he’s releasing his cock from his open slacks, you braced yourself for the thick and long cock to stab the back of your throat. He holds your hair back out of your face while you’re spitting up the base of his dick, taking the tip between your lips slowly while you looked up at him with those eyes.

Tongue swirling around the tip, his grip tightening on your skull. You push your head further onto him, spit seeping down your chin; taking over, Hisoka pushes your head down all the way to the base, choking and your throat constriction, he groans and pulls you off him quickly, “do you like my cock down your throat princess?” He purrs, index finger lifting up your chin, you nod, he smiles and grabs you from under your shoulder, you stand and he pushes you over the desk, legs locking and you’re held up by your arms.

“Hmm, how about you give me these wrists.” He hums, ripping you off your only stability, side of your face hitting the desk... right on top of your essay. You hear a click followed by another, cold metal now holding your wrists together.

“What, do you just have handcuffs in arms reach for this typa’ thing?” You found it humorous.

Mr. Morow didn’t.

Your skirt flying up, followed by a shard pain on your thigh, you gasp and try to look up; belt in hand, your English professor had whipped you. Hard. Your leg tries to move back but he’s placing his hands on your waist, keeping you still, “tell me, why might your panties be this soaked? I haven’t even touched you.” He had bent down to your ear, vibrations sending you crazy, “do you want me to fuck you? Princess? Fill you up?” You bite down on your lip, he made you tingle just by the sound of his voice.

Another smack of the belt against your ass rings through you and you yelp out in pain, hissing. “Answer me. Go on,” even his soft voice made this sound harsh, you press your forehead against the desk, panting; the pool of wetness most likely slipping down your thighs.

“Fill me up professor, please.” You mewl, he chuckles deeply, the sound of the belt on the floor caused you to sigh out of relief; instead his hands were grabbing your thong, pulling them down slowly and letting them hit your ankles.

“Oh my, so fucking wet.” He hums, pulling apart your ass cheeks to get a better look.

“Sir.” You retort, needy and beyond ready to be fucked at this point.

“Yes?” You tense up, mouth dropping open when you feel his tip stroke up and down your folds, your thighs tremble and shake under his grasp, slowly pushing his throbbing cock into you. You cry out, “use your words, what is it?” He questions you once more.

“So fucking big.” You moan, he pulls your hips further onto his cock; shaping your pussy to his liking, stretching you out and hitting every nerve possible, “oh my god!” His hips finally touching your ass, you twitched and tightened around him, fitting around him accordingly.

“You take my cock so well.” He pulls out, hands tight around your waist as he slowly thrusts you, you gasp and squeal, he didn’t even need to try to hit your gspot. He speeds up, enough to feel that sharp pressure of his head poking at your cervix, his name spilling from your mouth.

“Such a good girl, do you like that?” Ramming into you, your legs wanted to drop as he fucked you numb, his big hand grabs your hair, yanking your head upwards, “answer me.” He grits, you couldn’t, you couldn’t even compose words as he fucked every syllable out of you.

You didn’t answer, he shoves your head down, slamming onto the desk painfully, you wince and he picks up pace, “I told you to answer me,” drilling into you, you’re stomach twisting into a tight knot.

About to reach your hard orgasm, he only fucks harder, screaming out a gasp, “fuck! Your cock feels so good Sir!” You cry.

Your moans and screams were music to his ears, only inching him closer to stuffing you with his kids, “such a good little fruit, you’re sucking me in so good.” He groans, your cum coating his dick, he picked up your arms by the metal chain of the handcuffs, using it as leverage to demolish your insides.

Your wrists sore, makeup dripping down your eyes along with your tears, hair a mess, legs numb and shaking ready to give out, “I’m-I’m gonna cum again!” You wailed, he didn’t change his pace, cock stroking against your sweet spot.

“Do it.” Hips sputtering, only slowing down slightly, you become his cum disposal, dumping his seed into your hot cunt. He’s groaning, panting lightly; throwing your second orgasm into the mix, your slick and his cum pouring down his cock and your thighs, you shook profusely, he massaged your ass with his hands before unlocking the cuffs and pulling you up, dropping to your knees and huffing.

“You took me so well.” He purrs into your ear whilst picking you up by the armpits and placing you in the chair, he wipes under your eyes where most of the mascara was and brushes your hair out of your face, crouching down to your level and pulling your panties over your knees, you lift up a little so he can pull them up completely while watching his every move.

While you composed yourself, he walked back around to his desk, gathering papers together in a stack, “we can finish writing tomorrow, how about that princess?” You smile and nod, relived he wouldn’t put you through the torture tonight.

“Sure,” you say, standing and trying way too hard to walk normally, you pick up your bag and keys, walking towards his office door.

“See you in class tomorrow, professor.”

[imaginejamesandsirius]

what about an au where they meet at the gym?? I think I'd die if I saw that one aksjdfhgdjs I love you

"I hate you," Sirius said. 

"As you've said. Many times. On the way here, alone," Regulus said. "Shouldn't you wait until after we've exercised to start whinging?" 

"I'm saving myself time. Afterwards, I'll be too weak to put up a good complaint, so I have to get it in now." 

"Not once in your life have you been too weak to complain, and I doubt you're going to start now." 

"You never know. This is a new low for me. I'm sure I'll reach points I've never before explored." 

"I can only hope," Regulus muttered, not low enough to actually stop Sirius from hearing him. They got to the gym, and Sirius crossed his arms over his chest and generally pretended like he couldn't see any of the people that gave him appreciative looks as they passed by; he had a lifetime of experience in that, at least. 

"Is that your- erm, boyfriend accompanying you?" the employee asked uncomfortably. 

"I am quite obviously his brother," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. 

"Oh," the employee said, mood picking up. They tapped at the computer then slid Regulus's membership card back to him. 

"You look like me but with shorter hair," Sirius said when they walked away. "How the hell do people make this mistake all the time?"

"Because you look so fucking bent, that's why." 

"Oh right, like you're innocent in all this." 

"I don't look as queer as you do," Regulus said. "I passed as straight for years." 

"You weren't half as passing as you thought. Trust me." 

"Our parents never found out," Regulus said, affronted that Sirius thought he hadn't gotten away with it. "None of my friends at Hogwarts knew." 

"Did they not know, or did they just not say anything? Because those are two different things." 

"Is it really so important to you that you're right?" Regulus asked, giving Sirius a dirty look.

"It's always important to me that I'm right."

"This is why we never got along."

Sirius stuck his tongue out at him.

"Also that. Remind me why we're friends now?"

"Because we don't like other people," Sirius said. It was, unfortunately, true. Shared trauma wasn't fun, but at least they understood each other. New people they met just didn't get it the way that Sirius needed for them to if he was going to have an easy conversation with them.

There was only so long that Sirius could talk to try and get out of exercising, and unfortunately, Regulus saw right through him. He hadn't been fooled for a moment, which was a pain in the arse.

*

"I hate you," Sirius said.

"I know," Regulus said.

For once, Sirius was willing to admit that Regulus was the more attractive sibling. The flush on Regulus's face made him look healthy and happy, whereas Sirius looked like he was sick. Felt sick too, not that his dearest brother cared.

"I'm your only brother," Regulus said, rolling his eyes.

"You are still my dearest one. And you don't care," Sirius said with a huff, throwing his arms over Regulus petulantly. "You torture me for hours and for what?"

"It was like forty minutes," he replied.

They started to leave-- finally!-- but then Sirius saw something that made him pause. "Ooo, smoothies. I'm getting a smoothie."

"Since when do you like smoothies?"

"Since the age of, like, fourteen. Strawberry, I think. Changed my life. I'm getting one, do you want one?"

"No, I have shite to do. I thought you said you do too?"

"Oh no no no," Sirius said, hauling Regulus back towards him and making his way to the smoothie line. "You don't have plans for another two hours you lying little prick. You made me get on a sodding treadmill, and now I am making you get a smoothie and like it."

"Why would I have to like it? You didn't have to like it."

"You wanted me to like it," Sirius argued.

*

Somehow, Sirius got roped into going back to the gym. He was bribed with smoothies, which wasn't a very good bribe, but he also didn't have anything better to do. Nothing better to do than suffer, which he knew wasn't quite right, but it didn't stop him from going.

He'd been forced into these gym visits with Regulus for about a month straight when one time, Regulus just didn't show up. It didn't occur to Sirius that he could leave until after he'd already started exercising, and it's not like he was going to leave right after he started.

No one talked to Sirius the entire time, and he was perfectly happy with that. When he was making jokes with Regulus, people thought he was approachable. On his own, he apparently did not give of the same energy.

"You've got good form," someone said as he was getting off the treadmill and wondering if he could kill Regulus for manipulating him like this.

Sirius held back a sigh. He'd almost made it all the way in and out of the gym without having to talk to anyone, which was how he liked it. "I wouldn't know," he said flatly. Then, as he was grabbing his water, he caught sight of the man who'd said it, and he wished that his reply had been a bit nicer. He was used to blowing off people, okay? He hadn't known that today would be the day he saw someone that handsome. He was ill-prepared to deal with it. He comforted himself with the knowledge that a man who clearly worked out as much as him would only want to date someone that also liked to exercise-- a group that Sirius was certainly not a part of. "Erm. I mean. My brother usually drags me here so he doesn't feel as miserable. So I er, don't really know what I'm doing."

"Where is he? Your brother."

"Bailed on me today, and I figured if I was already here, I might as well," Sirius said with a vague gesture at the machine. "My name's Sirius, by the way. Like the star, not the mood."

"My name's James. That's all I've got," he said with a grin.

"I suppose since your parents blessed you with such a wonderful smile they didn't owe you an interesting name."

"Well that's hardly fair, since you have good looks and an interesting name. What do your parents have that mine don't?"

"A lack of impulse control, I'd wager."

"You do have good form, by the way. I didn't bring that up just as an excuse to flirt with you."

"Again, I have no idea what that means."

James's smile widened like he found Sirius's ignorance endearing. "We could get a cup of coffee together and see if I can explain it to you?"

"I don't drink coffee, actually, but you are more than welcome to join me at the smoothie bar."

"Sounds good," James said.

Sirius guessed he could put off murdering Regulus. For a little bit.

[eyeless-cunt]

You want pain? perish <3

~ have some definitely not angst-ridden reader insert ~

TWs for uhhhhh fire, death, and I think that's it

Ever since you met BEN— which was an ordeal in itself, something you wouldn't have made it out of if you cared more about your own mental health —you have found that it's best to pre-screen anything you say. However he was being a particularly pissy bitch one day, messing with your electricity and causing your phone to go on the fritz for some reason you didn't bother asking about because you knew you wouldn't get a straight answer, and it... well, it didn't go well.

"For the love of fuck, stop being a cunt or I'll find you and throw a bucket of water on you." A simple threat, one that would have made anyone else a bit confused and laugh.

But this was different. This was very different. Because you knew something about the dumb gamer boy that had been tormenting you, and it was his severe aversion to water.

Why this was you'd probably never know, but you'd found it out after dropping a glass you'd filled upon him appearing behind you, making him skitter back into your carpeted living room where the puddle wouldn't reach him.

At least your threat worked, but you could tell by the static in the room that you had upset him.

"Oh, stay mad and die about it." You huffed, turning on the couch to put your back to the doorway as you scrolled through your Tumblr dash. He probably wanted you to feel bad, but he was the one that started this and so you would not be apologizing.

It stayed this way for days, though. He'd appear in the corner of your eye, you'd roll your eyes and call out an insult along the lines of "If you have a problem with me, speak up or fuck off." and he'd leave for a while. Till the next day.

Before that you'd occasionally hold a conversation, mostly him trying to scare you and you just... being yourself. "I'm too badass for you to scare me like that. Try harder." Which would spark a discussion, usually about him trying to figure out what would scare you and you trying to figure out the best way to make him mad in an entertaining way.

This was less entertaining, since all he did was act grumpy in the corner and give you a splitting headache. It was getting annoying, and you didn't have the patience to keep dealing with that and everyone you had to talk to outside of that. Plus your friends (friends? Maybe closer to accomplices, you mostly got together and planned crimes you never ended up committing) were starting to get worried about you randomly insulting something they couldn't see. Of course, it wasn't too out of character, but it was still a bit concerning.

So... instead of continuing to be stubborn, which was something you wanted to continue doing much more than what you decided on, the next time he showed up (a Tuesday) you were civil. Mostly. "Fine, since you're gonna keep being a pain in the ass, can we talk? What's got your panties in a twist?"

It was silent for a count of five.

And then you heard his voice. His stupid, static-y, distorted, cute, dumb voice. You hadn't missed it. No way. That wasn't missing talking to him, it was being annoyed with his attitude. Obviously.

"What, tired of dying? So am I. It's not fun to deal with things like that, huh?" He snapped at you, but it was really just a relief that he'd decided to use words instead of cryptic hallucinations.

"No, duh. Obviously I didn't like it, or I'd have just left you to mope instead of apologizing. So are you gonna keep being a pissbaby or can we move the hell on?" You crossed your arms and raised an eyebrow, which didn't seem to help the situation.

"... that was an apology? Seriously? You know I could kill you- drive you insane, end your life and move on with mine." He was getting more upset now. You could tell by the outlets starting to spark and smoke.

You decided to ignore it. "Like you have a life. If you did, you'd leave me the hell alone."

His voice raised. You swore you could smell something burning, but you were too busy staring him down. "You think I want to deal with your bitchiness?! You're cruel to everyone! I should have killed you the day I met you, I don't even know why I-" He was cut off by the carpet getting set aflame, but you weren't ready to stop this yet. If you were going to die, you'd do it on your own terms.

"Maybe you should've killed me! Cowardly bitch, won't even do it now! Just fuck off, I'll die how I want to die then." You turned and stormed deeper into the house- more specifically the kitchen. If you wanted you could use water to put it out, or just... be there. Away from the drama.

You winced as you heard a crunch beneath your foot, feeling glass drive its way into your heel. "Shit- fuck! Fuck shit cunt fuck shit-" You cursed the entire time it took you to hobble over to the sink, leaving a wobbly trail of bloody footsteps behind you.

The fire was growing bigger, now. But you couldn't hear any sign of BEN, so he'd probably gone. Left you here to go find someone else to torment. That was fine. It's fine. You're fine.

You lifted your foot up to the sink, propping it up on the metal rim to pick out the glass and wash it off. Not that it would matter in a few minutes, but you'd rather not be in pain the whole time.

Speaking of pain... fire hurt, didn't it? Damn. You hadn't thought that far ahead. The window above the sink didn't open- it hadn't since you bought this house. There might still be a path to the door, but that would take a chance of you admitting you didn't want to die to BEN and you'd rather-

Well. That left you in a bit of a predicament, didn't it? You cursed some more as you got the last of the glass out, turning on the faucet.

A few drops of water, but nothing else. Shit. You'd forgotten that the water company shut that off because of some 'burst line' or something. Assholes.

So instead of the water, you took a kitchen towel and wrapped it around your foot to go hobble somewhere else. The fire was making it a bit hard to breathe in there, anyways.

Shit, there wasn't anywhere else to go, really. Would this be the end? Would you still have to deal with BEN in the afterlife, or would you just fulfill the wishes of all those cunts in high school and go to hell? You didn't know. You didn't really want to know, honestly.

It was really hard to breathe, now. The fire licked at the walls of your kitchen, smoke filling your lungs. It wouldn't be long-

Suddenly you got a splitting headache, one that made you double over and lean heavily against the kitchen counter. Fuck. This would be the end, eh?

Dying in a fire because you fucked with an entity. Seems about right.

You didn't have long to think about it, though, because you blacked out. Probably hit your head on something, too.

...

...

...

...

...

...

Nothing. It was mostly nothing. You were vaguely aware of the fire as it consumed the rest of your home- with you still in it, but you were... already gone. It took a startlingly familiar shout to make you more aware, but you knew by then you were capital D Dead.

Or... were you?

Nope, definitely dead. But BEN wasn't happy about it, surprisingly. Why he wanted you to be alive you'd never know, but it was a little too late for that. Even though it... hurt to see him there, standing in the fire, looking just so... broken without you- you'd hardly known him. It was his own fault for getting attached. It was his own fault for being such a prissy bitch that you had to threaten him to get him to leave you alone. It was his own fault for making you clean up the mess he'd made. It was all his fault. It had to be. You hadn't done anything to make him act like that. Sure, you'd blown him off a couple times, but he'd met you. He couldn't expect you to show up to some dumb meeting in a park, especially when you had a perfectly good house to stay at. He couldn't expect you to want to go out into public, especially not with people around.

It was his fault, of course. It had to be his fault. You hadn't done anything but act exactly how you always acted, and if he couldn't handle it he'd have to deal with the consequences himself. If he didn't want you dead, he should've left you alone. Shouldn't have made you get attached to his dumb face, care about his stupid interests, listen to him talk about his idiotic games...

It was his fault. All his fault. -🎃

pumpkin i KNOW you intended for this to be angsty but i simply ,,,,,,,,,,,, reader deserved to die i dno what to tell you

[my-deer-friend]

hey!! it's the anon who asked about every moment we have stolen hehe

i read the discussion that emerged in the comments to the chapter where alex suggests that he's a sex worker and well, yeah, it's summarises my thoughts on the matter pretty well :)) i could imagine that he would say something along the lines of that but hesitated because of his age.

i originally reread the fanfic bc i happen to be in the caribbeans rn and i had to google the possible dangers of the city that i'm visiting prior to coming. obviously, one of the points that that came up was prostitution. according to the article that i found, around 25% of all prostitutes here are underage, and i imagine this to be the case for most of the islands in this region. while it's sad, this is probably why the staff of the hotel wouldn't mind smth like that happening.

(i'd like to stick to the guess that the guard frowned because alex looked so young and not because he was a man tho. just makes me feel better about the whole ordeal ig :( )

but either way, skipping all the sad things about all this; i'm so impressed by how well spoken you are! not that i'm surprised, it's just genuinely inspiring. i used to write fanfics in english a bit more than a year ago but eventually i gave up and started writing in ukrainian again (my 1st language). i wish i had the willpower to train myself to be better at it. do you have any advice on how to improve one's english vocabulary, apart from the obvious ones like reading more etc etc? i'd really like to hear what you have to say on the matter :)

oh and also; i visited your account around a year ago when i read some of your works on ao3 and i think there was a post where you said that you were polish. do you have any favourite facts about some polish historical figures? or any favourite polish historical figures at all? or any interesting events that took place and should be studied more? i know the general outlines of poland throughout centuries but i don't know any specific details and would be lovely if i could hear some of the from u, but once again, no pressure!!

thank u for answering the previous questions!!

Hey, anon! Sorry for the delay, the holidays turned into... a whole thing. 😳

Every Moment Alex is wise beyond his years, and he’s not above using some of the bad parts of his own society to get what he wants. And, well... prostitution is much more a danger to those who are offering the service than to the average tourist, so!

Thank you! I am Polish, but I have lived in an English-speaking country for most of my life so... That’s where the fluency comes from, I guess! 

Language usage has two modes (passive - e.g. reading and understanding, and active - e.g. speaking and writing). Reading really, really is the best way to improve your passive vocabulary (and fanfic counts as reading here!! Fan writers tend to use more idioms, casual language etc. which is a fantastic tool for learning). And writing is the best one for making that vocabulary active. Your English is basically flawless (honestly would not have guessed it’s your second language) so maybe go a bit easier on yourself, try writing in English again (and make it as fun, self-indulgent, silly as possible), and then either don’t post it or post as anon!

As for Polish historical figures, I am a big fan of Tadeusz Kościuszko - in part because he’s a big figure in my home town of Kraków, and in part because he was a brilliant engineer, a badass horse-boy, a good friend of John Laurens, and an abolitionist who actually put his money where his mouth was. Might be an obvious choice, but he’s renowned for good reason. (Bonus point - the absolutely hilarious way English speakers butcher his name, for which I don’t blame them one bit.)

Thanks for this ask, and please feel free to send more - I’ll make a point of not waiting another... three weeks to answer it!