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leadendeath · 7 months

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it was only after i learned that 1. i am not alone in experiencing this feeling and 2. this can be an adhd thing, that i felt so validated in the feeling of “juggling hyperfixations”. it feels like this meme image ^ like that’s such a perfect visual to go along with what i’m about to say.

in the past i felt sooo bad when a new interest barged its way in to my brain’s Interest Room (i see my brain as a room ok, different people who are my selves and different interests come in and out!). i felt bad for classic rock of 60s-70s when homestuck decided to sit right in front of me like a pet who’s being annoying circa 2013. i feel a special hard-to-describe almost kind of STRESS? (but a very minor stress mind you) when i find myself present day, with not just two but THREE things i’m so freakin into. very strong interests. hyperfixations. i love having words now that my past self couldn’t use because we didn’t know the words existed. we didn’t know there was something “wrong”(i prefer to say there was something “different” instead 2 b less negative !)

so yeah the things i’m trying to juggle are:

doom the game and various genres of metal music (they go hand in hand, and sometimes they even collide! i have a whole youtube playlist of metal midis that would fit right in in doom wads, u can ask me for it if you like the same niche as i do!) (i listened to so much metal today it’s so great and diverse i love it so much great background music but also great Anything music <333 listen to it in a good mood or in a bad mood it’s there for you any time)

spenge bab. to relate this back to the previous point i just made above this one; i already said i’m one of those people who listens to horrible abrasive music but then is also simultaneously like “yayyy happy sea creature cartoon :D :3” like it’s so funny. u already know to the extent which i like this thing. it’s helped me get back into art (…which i don’t post to this blog; i have other spaces for this niche tbh) and when i first got into it it was there for me during a terrible time (i was having the extra big depression last year around july/august)

jerm. dear rat boy. like the point before this one, i started watching him a lot during the same extremely bad july/august 2023 time. i knew him a little before but he was another thing which i’ve (about to make up a new phrase here) special interest-bonded with, during a difficult time. sometimes when i’m actively in the bad episode, i think to myself “gee when i’m better i sure hope i can enjoy this media and not automatically associate it with a bad time D:” and YEAH! THAT DIDNT HAPPEN I CAN STILL ENJOY WATCHING HIM EVEN THO IM OUTTA THE DEPRESSION PIT FOR NOW!!! i worried this same thing about death grips when i was coping with them when i was in the pit and they happened to be my #1 fav band years ago . i still love them and can enjoy them without thinking of all the times i was in the pit !!!

so ya as you can see THESE ARE ALL VASTLY DIFFERENT AND I AM HAVING A BIT OF TROUBLE LOVING ALL THREE AT THE SAME TIME BECAUSE MY ATTENTION SPAN IS A LIL FUCKY BUT IT’S OKAY! I AM NO LONGER DOING THE POINTLESS SELF-PUNISHING FOR ENJOYING ONESELF IN LIFE BECAUSE THAT WAS THE OCD TALKING AND IS NOW UNDER CONTROL! THANKS FOR READING I AM FULL OF UNBRIDLED LOVE FOR EVERYTHING

#if you have been struggling urself or been down because of things then I’M ABOUT TO MAKE YOUR MENTAL WELLNESS MY NEXT HYPERFIXATION #because I LOVE YOU TOO that’s right! YOU’RE ON THE THINGS I LIKE LIST NOW #this is a positive post idk if i got that across because i am fighting against a burst of manic energy which i have been feeling All Day

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bereft-of-frogs · 2 years

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I did not finish watching all of the Academy Award nominees this year but I made some progress so ahead of the show here are my unsolicited opinions:

Best Picture:

- Top Gun: Maverick - I had a lot of fun and it was so much better than a sequel to a movie from 40 years ago had any right being…but best picture? Really? I will always love plane go fast movie but I’m not sure why it’s up here.

- Women Talking - saw last week, it was OK. It was really well directed and the cinematography and performances were great but the script was terrible. If this wins a writing award I will scream. It felt like it was striving to say something profound but just ended up being really pointless. There are better examples of this genre than this script which literally has the line ‘not all men’ in it.

- Everything Everywhere All At Once - I definitely cried, this would be the popular choice, there is going to be uproar when/if it doesn’t win.

- The Banshees of Inisherin - the more I think about this movie, the more I like it. There’s such a great mythic quality to it, I would be happy if it wins.

- Triangle of Sadness - SO WEIRD. I liked it. Will never stop thinking about that dinner scene. It was so, so weird though 😆

- The Fabelmans - haven’t seen it, won’t be surprised if it wins and everyone is pissed, because my understanding is it’s a movie about making movies and the academy loooooves that

- All Quiet On the Western Front - I liked it but it did feel a little derivative and I think it’s going to be too bleak to win.

- Avatar: The Way of Water - if this wins I will be the one rioting. No I haven’t seen it. No I will not be seeing it. (I might have if I found the time before the awards.) I am one of the people who hated the first movie, no it was not to be rebellious and go against the grain, I just saw it on a tiny screen and was bored out of my mind and believe that if you have to say ‘well you should have seen it in the special format…’ it doesn’t deserve the general award. Technical awards, sure, but not best picture.

- Elvis - god this was so bad. I don’t even hate Baz Luhrmann as much as some people do but this was just all bad. Script was bad, performances were weird and overbearing, the frantic directorial style didn’t lend anything to the story. I feel like they just needed a biopic up here but omg it was terrible and I wish I had not watched it.

- Tár - did not manage to see this one before the show, I wish I had seen this instead of Women Talking but the theater was only showing it at matinee times for some reason. Probably won’t win but is probably way better than some of the others on this list.

International Feature:

- All Quiet on the Western Front - see above. Also I feel like there should be a rule about this, I don’t think movies should be nominated for both best picture and best international feature.

- Argentina, 1985 - this was nice. Pretty classic legal film but it was good and I would not be sad if this one won.

- The Quiet Girl - seeing on Tuesday! Will report back but even having not seen it I want it to win just because it’s in Irish #biased

- Close - didn’t manage to find this one, no idea what it’s about

- Eo - this was playing close to me but there ended up being a blizzard the only day I could go. Love Polish cinema though so I would like to see it eventually.

I don’t have many other thoughts aside from Ke Huy Quan should definitely win best supporting actor.

They’ve probably already announced awards before I posted this, haven’t checked, anyway those are my thoughts on what I managed to get through, hopefully I will do better next year 👍

#2023 academy awards

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jittersticker · 5 months

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April 14th, 2024

There was a beautiful car today on my road. He maybe thought I was following him, but it was going in the same direction as I was already traveling. The vehicle was a Robin’s Egg Blue Belair. That’s my favorite classic car. It’s the perfect combination of style and history. When you see aspects of life like that, it makes you stop and watch it. I'm not sure if it's from being out of place or that it's a time capsule. I believe in past lives, so it always makes me think if there’s infinite timelines, maybe I’m crossing one of mine from the past. That’s why I thought about the feeling of being homesick, like you’re looking for something you don’t know even if you found it what it could be.

I feel like a lot of people are lonely, and they want someone to talk to them. Even though it’s physically impossible for me to speak to everyone, I want to open a journal essentially. I'm telling the universe in hopes the message gets to you. I’m nobody special, and that’s fine. I ramble about nothing and everything, so if you found this, the universe/Mr. Zuckerbooger wants you to feel less alone.

So, first things first. I am not sure why they put spinach with arugula because, in my experience, arugula starts going bad the second you buy it. That’s the only sage wisdom I have for the day: buy spinach by itself. Preferably, the darker the leafy vegetable, the more healthy. Lettuce is pointless. Now that’s out of the way.

My day consisted of housecleaning, which is fine. I always feel I don’t have enough blankets, but I don’t remember where I put them. I found a blanket on my dining sideboard today. Not sure what my plans were there.

It also strikes me that there’s a high likelihood I have some form of OCD simply because I rank my items based on how much they don’t gross me out to use them.

For blankets, I only really like to use cotton, but I can’t put them anywhere else in my house if I plan to sleep with them. I have blankets I only sleep with if I’ve showered and they’ve not touched anything else. By anything else, I mean it doesn’t feel like anything exposed to the outside world. Then there are everyday blankets. I put on the backs of couches that my household uses every day. I try to keep her blankets and clothes as clean as possible, but I don’t want her to grow up and feel like she can only sleep with a particular blanket that has a certain level of cleanliness.

I used never to rest if things were dirty, but I have to live in my house and not give my child any irrational fears about cleanliness. What’s weird is it’s only MY stuff; I don’t care about other people’s cleanliness. I’m not even paying attention. I do the same with shoes. I don’t let my feet touch the floor after I’ve showered because when I mop and see the dark water from cleaning the oils and first off the floor, no thanks.

Anyway, this was my first try. I'll try and look back into my old journals and post those from 10+ years ago.

#open journal #life #quote #book #bookish #books & libraries #books and reading #quotes #journal #journaling #spiritual journey

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hospitalterrorizer · 8 months

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diary128

1/20-21/2024

saturday - sunday

i had a weird dream today.

but maybe i'll put that at the end or something, there's a bunch of other stuff i've been thinking about today, mostly all of it is dumb and pointless, but that's why i have a diary, i guess. but rn i am waiting for ableton to load so i can do some stuff to a song, the idea is to double the rhythm-carrying riff, and to make the one panned left a little more mid focused/less high end, but maybe just a touch of that. and then i'll make the vocals quieter, and they'll have to be re-recorded at some point, cuz i want to re-write some lyrics.

still waiting tho, so i'll talk about some positive stuff, good day for music i listened to:

youtube

this band is new to me, but really fun, at least 2 of their songs are good, other stuff seems way patchier but that's how a lot of myspace era stuff just seems to go. i also really like the cover art, such a perfect thing, the inexplicable tigers on everything, i need to put a tiger on my thing i think. also i'm #yearofthetiger (i think( cuz 1998)). obv super crystal castles sounding but they have a bit of another thing going on, the bass drum is super fucked sounding, and the track feels constructed differently.

youtube

their other good song, a lot more distinct from cc, i think. still really good, more chiptune-y.

youtube

liars are a classic band for me, cuz i listened to them a ton in highschool, but i've been meaning to come back to this record, just cuz it feels connected to the whitebelt thing i'm into/part of my past w/ that whole thing, even when i didn't know what ti was, they're definitely also not totally part of that but close enough, they're related/inspired i think. it's totally there in how they do the dance stuff w/ the noisy fucked up guitar playing, but they are way more gang of four than say, idk, arab on radar or six finger satellite, and those bands already love gang of four but they're doing some other weirdo shit. liars aren't straightforward but they are definitely more straight laced than either of those bands, at least in this point of their career. lyrically though, this album is really awesome, he's great at writing stuff that resembles nonsense but is approaching something larger.

youtube

i never expected to ever talk about new sematary in a positive way again, but this song is awesome, i keep hoping on some kind of comeback, he's been working on this song for a while it seems like, and you can tell, i really want him to be on some kind of upswing, and this song has everything i want from him, he's like writing something catchy, which is like what's he's really good at, he's got a great sense of melody, and he's even doing some good stuff lyrically i think, like not genius but there's poetry in wendigo/i don't know where to go, he's thinking harder about what he's doing. i hope this sticks around.

youtube

having a bit more of a moment w/ this song today, really freakish vocals but they're kinda hard, love how garish the video is too, these guys are masters of ugly vids though, fresh jame (exactly like that, the vocalist here) is so good w/ ugly stuff, he's a bit of a genius in that way, hope nation blows up more generally, i love that fucked up ep of theirs:

youtube

genuinely such strange music, they're the closest thing to var i've heard in a while, hypnagogic approaches to rave music kinda, like obviously not rave especially though, but they feel connected to it in some kinda way. var were def more post punk inflected, this has internet freak all over it, but in a way that's not commonly publicized, or maybe just older, they are probably james ferraro adherents in some way. god this ep is so good, the second song here is so beautiful, 'we don't have time to just forget'. i wonder if they play this stuff live, and how that sounds. i'd love to see if they do any shows out here. inexplicably, they were on tour w/ yves tumor, that whole thing around yves is probably this thing they're trying to break, izzy spears is touring w/ yves/was, i guess. that's probably over now. all these people hang out in some capacity, too. this ep feels so huge, no one seems to give a shit about it, but it seems like it has a touch of some kind of future in it. idk.

youtube

some pretty solid indie stuff, here, this guy is i think, cosmo potts, also known as frog power, kind of a songwriting genius, however the other half of this project is really good vocally, this is a rlly good story song, perfectly miserable and gothic, dirty in quotidian ways, 'time to take one for the team' is super haunting. i think the dude is definitely weird, not like, sexually, i think, but weird in that he made a song called 'i've been cancelled again,' but i think he's an artsy weirdo from new zealand who has done too many psychs and is into like mde or some shit. that's the kind of weird he is. ultimately people like that are putting work into writing some weird/interesting music about being online too much.

also i listened to some sundry powerviolence (ofc, i am an addict, it's like embedded in me), hardcore is fun to just throw on, random trax, some despise you, some other stuff, a band called peter mangalore, soon i need to listen to the first spazz record, but i did do all of these:

youtube

love this album's title, we should all be like it t b h....

youtube

here's the pic of the postcards, i def wanna see if i can use this for something in a collage or whatevs.

and then this is from the bellagio, the whole arboretum display thing they change up, this is here for chinese new year, the day we went, i saw them rescue a sick koi fish from the pond they had, it was hiding against the wall, really sad, especially seeing it thrash in the net, or even pre-net, how it always would return to the spot it had been before, just trying to fight off illness. i hope it is well, but maybe they'd just put it down in a situation like that. i don't trust casinos with animals i guess. but i hope it lived. i remember there used to be dolphins in the mirage. my grandma took me to see them, it made me really happy, las vegas felt so tropical that day, so many years ago.

re: my music, i did 2 traxxxxx today, both sound better than before, one i might wanna keep messing with but little bits, but it seems pretty solid i think. just listened to the one i'm most scared about, and it is closer to what i want, there's just this sound that i need to have a bit more presence/punch, idk how to get there though. it is really close and probably there, basically, it's just like, such a tiny thing, a little bit closer, just a bit over the edge, is the feeling, but my rule is i am not touching what i do/did w/ the distortion, under no circumstance, cuz that is a good sound. slowly i have been reducing the cut lows and i think that's giving me what i want, so maybe up by 2-3 db on the final eq in the chain in the lows. on the double tracked thing. that will probably do it.

kayyy, and nowwww:

fashion mag scans off that forum again cuz it's fun:

nylon japan:

this mag is super fun/of the time, like 07-09ish, is the region we're looking at. i love the first one a lot, the bangs are crazy and that floral dress is so cute. the last one is maybe one of my favs though, it's really cool and strange, i love the belt.

gisele japan:

this one is hilarious cuz it covers so many moods / moments in that time, like the middle 2 here are so american apparel coded in photography style it kind of hurts. but then the top 2 have the regular sort of distance i've noticed in jp fashion mags, and the bottom 2 are that retro throwback that was big at the time over there it seems. really all of this has that inside of it but they all treat it differently.

l'officiel singapore:

this one is genuinely weird to me, but i love it also, the outfits feel crazy, being like, inside right now, so gaudy in sick ways, that kinda thing ought to come back, especially that third thing that's like a freaky athleisure thing? idk. and then the armor look with the chain collar, i have a friend that would love that, i'll send it to her when she talks to me again.

harper's bazaar china:

idk why but everything i've seen from this mag had something athletic going on, likely cuz of the olympics being around that time, 07ish so they were getting hype up i think. anyways it's really cool and unique photography with these. i love how they stick the ornate stuff in these, treating it as thoughtfully as they treat the chanel sportswear stuff.

anyway brb gonna write something.

wrote for something i haven't worked on in a while.

anyway the crazy stuff from today:

one thing is that caffeine really is fucking twisted, for me, when i have too much i feel like the world really is ending, something terrible will happen, or something. the world feels dirty, everything can go wrong, i am just sitting here waiting to be put to death by nuclear weapons or something. everything feels yellow, kidney failure on everything, i can't filter out the world and i get small, ant sized. awful.

so i shouldn't ever have that panera lemonade ever again, but my gf's mom brings it, it's hard to tell her when something is not something i should get often, or at all.

the other thing is i watched that drama re: that mama max freak, which iss so weird and evil, i regret looking but i was too curious, like who is that fucker, why does he keep showing up in my recs. it turns out this pedo hunter youtube stuff is obviously evil and heavily fictionalized/ sensationalized to create as strong a reaction/reactionary worldview as possible. it's scary that this kind of content isn't being interrogated, because no one would ever say defending kids is evil, but you have to question what this level of exposure re: narratives of child abuse really does, other than make people paranoid and thirsty to keep hearing about it. honestly as someone who got jacked off to thru the internet over webcams as a child it's all pretty weird and ineffective/evil, i know kids are watching it now, like i watched tcap clips as a kid, it's really worrying, idk. there's almost too much to say about it. like it goads people into feeling good and like something is being prevented, but really it leaves one hopeful to hear more, everyone knows there's more abuse to learn about, or more abuse to simulate and then make someone guilty for. entrapment stuff even, those people are evil obviously and should not be on the streets but when it becomes entertainment idk, it's like it gives me the feeling that we're headed to a satanic panic 2 and it's not just going to be old people talking about it. it's so spectacular it stops anyone from seeing the rather dull reality, of how most people doing this stuff aren't all megafreaks who have crazy stories (so often this is queer people, who get to be talked about in these things, at least from certain accounts it seems like), but like, just men, just regular men, and as long as 'teen' is the most popular/most standard category of porn, this will not disappear, it's standardized/regular, so it can go on, so there will be more people like me.

the mamamax thing in particular made me think of wiseblood, just that he's trying to be clean, that he is evidently some kind of doomed man, working from a fucked moral framework, but he is less interesting than hazel motes. it just came to me cuz i am reading it now. that's how i am. that's how like everyone is.

anyway, a basically worthless thing to think abt, i said i'd write my dream here but i'm just tired now, so:

byebye!!!!!!!!!

#Youtube

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aconstantstateofbladerunner · 2 years

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Dunno about you but our teachers never really analysed required readinh in class. Our English (as foreign language) teacher just ripped a quiz from the internet after we were supposed to read 1984. Our (German) literature class was a bit better, but I'm only saying this because I remember the parable of the three rings. I think a lot of teachers don't really do anything with the required reading, making it feel pointless. Dunno, maybe challenging kids to analyse their fav media would work better

I don’t think the problem of mediocre teachers teaching for the test is going to be solved by letting kids pick the books. I get what you are saying, and i think kids analyzing their favorite books could work as a good introductory activity for elementary and middle schoolers, i think you are missing the point of the post. There are always going to be things in life that require critical thinking even if it doesn’t personally interest you. You can’t always just throw up you hands and dnf the world around you. I’m sorry your teacher’s weren’t great, but that doesn’t mean the whole exercise must be wrong.

(Apologies for going on a bit of a ramble, but your ask really rubbed me the wrong way and i need to talk about it.)

The first problem with letting kids just pick whatever book to analyze is practical: the teacher won’t be able to read every book. My average high school english class had 15 people, and most schools have more. Unless that one assignment made up the whole class, the teacher would not be able to read every single submission in a reasonable time frame. If the student misinterprets something, the teacher has no way of knowing. Say for example that someone wanted to do a project on the Twilight Saga, and somewhere in their paper they argue that the book has a strong anti-racist message because it has a lot of Native American characters. And ignorant non-native student might not catch the more underhanded racism present, nor would they know about how the author appropriated a real tribe for profit they never got a cut off if they only looked at the book itself and not discussions around it. And the teacher wouldn’t be able to correct them because they have 20-some other completely different books and projects they’ve never read to worry about. The point of a curriculum is for everyone to be on the same page. And yes, this can lead to situations where a teacher decides that their interpretation is the only correct one, but it’s better than a free for all where no one learns anything.

As for why english class had people look at certain ”classics” over the new YA hotness is because the classics’ value goes beyond whether or not they are good stories. They have cultural impact, they challenge your thinking, they hold up to close readings. It’s one thing to learn about the raw facts of WW1 or the Vietnam War, it’s another thing to read what it felt like to live through those things and their aftermaths from authors who experienced them firsthand like Earnest Hemmingway and Tim O’Brian. And let me tell you: I cannot stand Hemmingway, but i understand why i was made to read his work. He touched on not only the war itself, but the emotional struggle to move on with your life after experiencing something so traumatic but ultimately pointless, not to mention his actual style of writing was innovative for its time. Meanwhile Tim O’Brian is one of my favorite authors long after my high school class introduced me to him. His book The Things They Carried will tell a horrifying anecdote about Vietnam in one chapter, then spend the next talking directly to the audience about which parts were literally true, and which parts were emotionally true, details that were altered in order to tell the story in a way that brought the reader closer to what the real thing felt like. There’s a lot more storytelling philosophy in there i still apply to my own writing too this day that i would have never considered without it. There arguments to be made about the over abundance of white dude authors in the curriculum. Calling it right now, The Left Hand of Darkness should be taught in schools. But there is diversity outside the YA shelf. Go read Toni Morrison.

Speaking of YA, as a final point, some kids would just pick bad books. Let’s take Divergent as an example from the original post. Divergent is a bad book. It’s a bad trilogy. I know they are bad because i’ve read all of them and gone through with a fine toothed comb analyzing how poorly constructed its world, characters, plots, and themes really are. I have literally given an academic lecture in my discord server about the baffling degree to which Divergent is a literary failure from top to bottom. Now, a casual teenaged reader would go through a series about a girl fighting in a post-apocalyptic restrictive system where people are only allowed to be one thing and say the book is about standing up to authority and fighting against conformity. Many characters even say as such. But remember the Twilight example? How books can say through their details themes that contradict what the characters in-universe declare to be so? In Divergent, there are 5 factions, but only one of them has any real government power, the same one main girl is from. The bad guys are the ones who start advocating for for equal government representation for the other groups. Main girl immediately clocks them as bad and evil. They later use mind control for genocide. Second book, what about the people who don’t fit in the faction system? They all live in poverty and naturally want to abolish the old system in favor of something new. Main girl thinks this is a bad idea. The revolutionaries later commit more genocide. Third book, secret scientists who have been running the show the whole time want to wipe everyone’s memories/kill everyone to start over. Main girl dies stopping the bad guy from doing a third genocide, the series ends with the restrictive faction system firmly in place and more people joining it from outside because it works just so darn well. Every single character or group who wants to make more than the smallest changes to the status quo are consistently framed as callus, bloodthirsty villains. By the end, nothing has changed except the visitation rules between factions aren’t as strict. This is framed as a good thing. But most teens who read the books didn’t notice these troubling themes, because the story is dressed up in the the imagery and language of fight-the-power dystopian YA of the time. It’s all surface-level. The book tells you that it’s against conformity, even though it shows how deviations from the norm are dangerous and get people hurt so it’s better for everyone if everything stays the same. And that’s just one angle wrong with this series.

If this was the only book a teenager ever read, they would not be able to pick up on this. I am because i’m an adult with years of analytical study and practice, with hundreds of books under my belt. But i got to where i am because my teachers forced me to expand my horizons beyond warrior cats and realize that a story could be more than just a story.

tl;dr: deficiencies in the education system are not the fault of the books being taught. those books are taught for a reason. if you want to be an anti-intellectual, do it on your own time

#This really got under my skin for some reason #It’s 3:30am #The soul’s midnight #As my other favorite author Ray Bradbury would say

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mostlymovieswithmax · 3 years

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Movies I watched in May

Sadly, I kind of skipped writing a post for April. It was a mad month with so much going on: lots of emails sent and lots of stress. I started a new job so I’m getting to grips with that... and even then, I still watched a bunch of movies. But this is about what I watched in May and, yeah… still a bunch. So if you’re looking to get into some other movies - possibly some you’ve thought about watching but didn’t know what they were like, or maybe like the look of something you’ve never heard of - then this may help! So here’s every film I watched from the 1st to the 31st of May 2021 Tenet (2020) - 8/10 This was my third time watching Christopher Nolan’s most Christopher Nolan movie ever and it makes no sense but I still love it. The spectacle of it all is truly like nothing I’ve ever seen. I had also watched it four days prior to this watch also, only this time I had enabled audio description for the visually impaired, thinking it would make it funny… It didn’t.

Nomadland (2020) - 6/10 Chloé Zhao’s new movie got a lot of awards attention. Everyone was hyped for this and when it got put out on Disney+ I was eager to see what all the fuss was about. Seeing these real nomads certainly gave the film an authenticity, along with McDormand’s ever-praisable acting. But generally I found it quite underwhelming and lacking a lot in its pacing. Nomadland surely has its moments of captivating cinematography and enticing commentary on the culture of these people, but it felt like it went on forever without any kind of forward direction or goal. The Prince of Egypt (1998) - 6/10 I reviewed this on my podcast, The Sunday Movie Marathon. For what it is, it’s pretty fun but nowhere near as good as some of the best DreamWorks movies.

Chinatown (1974) - 8/10 What a fantastic and wonderfully unpredictable mystery crime film! I regret to say I’ve not seen many Jack Nicholson performances but he steals the show. Despite Polanski’s infamy, it’d be a lie to claim this wasn’t truly masterful. Howl’s Moving Castle (2004) - 8/10 Admittedly I was half asleep as I curled up on the sofa to watch this again on a whim. I watched this with someone who demanded the dubbed version over the subtitled version and while I objected heavily, I knew I’d seen the movie before so it didn’t matter too much. That person also fell asleep about 20 minutes in, so how pointless an argument it was. Howl’s Moving Castle boasts superb animation, the likes of which I’ve only come to expect of Miyazaki. The story is so unique and the colours are absolutely gorgeous. This may not be my favourite from the legendary director but there’s no denying its splendour.

Bāhubali: The Beginning (2015) - 3/10 The next morning I watched some absolute trash. This crazy, over the top Indian movie is hilarious and I could perhaps recommend it if it weren’t so long. That being said, Bāhubali was not a dumpster fire; it has a lot of good-looking visual effects and it’s easy to see the ambition for this epic story, it just doesn’t come together. There’s fun to be had with how the main character is basically the strongest man in the world and yet still comes across as just a lucky dumbass, along with all the dancing that makes no sense but is still entertaining to watch. Seven Samurai (1954) - 10/10 If it wasn’t obvious already, Seven Samurai is a masterpiece. I reviewed this on The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast, so more thoughts can be found there. Red Road (2006) - 6/10 Another recommendation on episode 30 of the podcast. Red Road really captures the authentic British working class experience. Before Sunrise (1995) - 10/10 One of the best romances put to film. The first in Richard Linklater’s Before Trilogy is undoubtedly my favourite, despite its counterparts being almost equally as good. It tells the story of a young couple travelling through Europe, who happen to meet on a train and spend the day together. It is gloriously shot on location in Vienna and features some of the most interesting dialogue I’ve ever seen put to film. Heartbreakingly beautiful.

Tokyo Story (1953) - 9/10 This Japanese classic - along with being visually and sonically masterful - is a lot about appreciating the people in your life and taking the time to show them that you love them. It’s about knowing it’s never too late to rekindle old relationships if you truly want to, which is something I’ve been able to relate to in recent years. It broke my heart in two. Tokyo Story will make you want to call your mother. Before Sunset (2004) - 10/10 Almost a decade after Sunrise, Sunset carries a sombre yet relieving feeling. Again, the performances from Julie Delpy and Ethan Hawke take me away, evoking nostalgic feelings as they stroll through the contemporary Parisian streets. There is no regret in me for buying the Criterion blu-ray boxset for this trilogy. Before Midnight (2013) - 10/10 Here, Linklater cements this trilogy as one of the best in film history. It’s certainly not the ending I expected, yet it’s an ending I appreciate endlessly. Because it doesn’t really end. Midnight shows the troubling times of a strained relationship; one that has endured so long and despite initially feeling almost dreamlike in how idealistically that first encounter was portrayed, the cracks appear as the film forces you to come to terms with the fact that fairy-tale romances just don’t exist. Relationships require effort and sacrifice and sometimes the ones that truly work are those that endure through all the rough patches to emerge stronger. The Holy Mountain (1973) - 10/10 Jodorowsky’s masterpiece is absolute insanity. I talked more about it on The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast.

The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014) - 10/10 Another watch for Grand Budapest because I bought the Criterion blu-ray. As unalterably perfect as ever. Blue Jay (2016) - 6/10 Rather good up to a point. My co-hosts and I did not agree on how good this movie was, which is a discussion you can listen to on my podcast. Shadow and Bone: The Afterparty (2021) - 3/10 For what it’s worth, I really enjoyed the first season of Shadow and Bone, which is why I wanted to see what ‘The Afterparty’ was about. This could have been a lot better and much less annoying if all those terrible comedians weren’t hosting and telling bad jokes. I don’t want to see Fortune Feimster attempt to tell a joke about oiling her body as the cast of the show sit awkwardly in their homes over Zoom. If it had simply been a half hour, 45 minute chat with the cast and crew about how they made the show and their thoughts on it, a lot of embarrassment and time-wasting could have been spared. Wadjda (2012) - 6/10 Another recommendation discussed at length on The Sunday Movie Marathon. Wadjda was pretty interesting from a cultural perspective but largely familiar in terms of story structure.

Freddy Got Fingered (2001) - 2/10 A truly terrible movie with maybe one or two scenes that stop it from being a complete catastrophe. Tom Green tried to create something that almost holds a middle finger to everyone who watches it and to some that could be a fun experience, but to me it just came across as utterly irritating. It’s simply a bunch of scenes threaded together with an incredibly loose plot. He wears the skin of a dead deer, smacks a disabled woman over and over again on the legs to turn her on, and he swings a newborn baby around a hospital room by its umbilical cord (that part was actually pretty funny). I cannot believe I watched this again, although I think I repressed a lot of it since having seen it for the first time around five years ago. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 - (2011) I have to say, these movies seem to get better with each instalment. They’re still not very good though. That being said, I’m amazed at how many times I’ve watched each of the Twilight movies at this point. This time around, I watched Breaking Dawn - Part 1 with a YMS commentary track on YouTube and that made the experience a lot more entertaining. Otherwise, this film is super dumb but pretty entertaining. I would recommend watching these movies with friends. Solaris (1972) - 8/10 Andrei Tarkovsky’s grand sci-fi epic about the emotional crises of a crew on the space station orbiting the fictional planet Solaris is much as strange and creepy as you might expect from the master Russian auter. I had wanted to watch this for a while so I bought the Criterion blu-ray and it’s just stunning. It’s clear to see the 2001: A Space Odyssey inspiration but Solaris is quite a different beast entirely. Jaws (1975) - 4/10 I really tried to get into this classic movie, but Jaws exhibits basically everything I don’t like about Steven Spielberg’s directing. For sure, the effects are crazily good but the story itself is poorly handled and largely uninteresting. It was just a massive slog to get through.

Darkman (1990) - 6/10 Sam Raimi’s superhero movie is so much fun, albeit massively stupid. Further discussion on Darkman can be found on episode 32 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast. Darkman II: The Return of Durant (1995) - 1/10 Abysmal. I forgot the movie as I watched it. This was part of a marathon my friends and I did for episode 32 of our podcast. Darkman III: Die Darkman Die (1996) - 1/10 Perhaps this trilogy is not so great after all. Only marginally better than Darkman II but still pretty terrible. More thoughts on episode 32 of my podcast. F For Fake (1973) - 8/10 Rewatching this proved to be a worthwhile decision. Albeit slightly boring, there’s no denying how crazy the story of this documentary about art forgers is. The standout however, is the director himself. Orson Welles makes a lot of this film about himself and how hot his girlfriend is and it is hilarious.

The Mitchells vs. The Machines (2021) - 4/10 More style over substance, Sony’s new animated adventure wants so much to be in trend with the current internet culture but it simply doesn’t understand what it’s emulating. There’s a nyan cat reference, for crying out loud. For every joke that works, there are about ten more that do not and were it not for the wonderful animation, it simply wouldn’t be getting so much praise. Taxi Driver (1976) - 10/10 The first movie I’ve seen in a cinema since 2020 and damn it was good to be back! I’ve already reviewed Taxi Driver in my March wrap-up but seeing it in the cinema was a real treat. Irreversible (2002) - 8/10 One of the most viscerally horrendous experiences I’ve ever had while watching a movie. I cannot believe a friend of mine gave me the DVD to watch. More thoughts on episode 32 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast. Don’t watch it with the family. The Golden Compass (2007) - 1/10 I had no recollection of this being as bad as it is. The Golden Compass is the definition of a factory mandated movie. Nothing it does on its own is worth any kind of merit. I would say, if you wanted an experience like what this tries to communicate, a better option by far is the BBC series, His Dark Materials. More of my thoughts can be found in the review I wrote on Letterboxd.

Antichrist (2009) - 8/10 Lars von Trier is nothing if not provocative and I can understand why someone would not like Antichrist, but I enjoyed it quite a lot. After watching it, I wrote a slightly disjointed summary of my interpretations of this highly metaphorical movie in the group chat, so fair warning for a bit of spoilers and graphic descriptions: It's like, the patriarchy, man! Oppression! Men are the rational thinkers with big brains and the women just cry and be emotional. So she's seen as crazy when she's smashing his cock and driving a drill through his leg to keep him weighted down. Like, how does he like it, ya know? So then she mutilates herself like she did with him and now they're both wounded, but the animals crowd around her (and the crow that he couldn't kill because it's Mother nature, not Father nature, duh). Then he kills her, even though she could've killed him loads of times but didn't. So it's like "haha big win for the man who was subjected to such horrific torture. Victory!" And then all the women with no faces come out of the woods because it's like a constant cycle. Manchester By The Sea (2016) - 6/10 Great performances in this super sad movie. I can’t say I got too much out of it though. Roar (1981) - 9/10 Watching Roar again was still as terrifying an experience as the first time. If you want to watch something that’s loose on plot with poor acting but with real big cats getting in the way of production and physically attacking people, look no further. This is the scariest movie I’ve ever seen because it’s all basically real. Cannot recommend it enough. Eyes Without A Face (1960) - 8/10 I’m glad I checked this old French movie out again. There’s a lot to marvel at in so many aspects, what with the premise itself - a mad surgeon taking the faces from unsuspecting women and transplanting them onto another - being incredibly unique for the time. Short, sweet and entertaining!

Se7en (1995) - 10/10 The first in a David Fincher marathon we did for The Sunday Movie Marathon, episode 33. Zodiac (2007) - 10/10 Second in the marathon, as it was getting late, we decided to watch half that evening and the last half on the following evening. Zodiac is a brilliant movie and you can hear more of my thoughts on the podcast (though I apologise; my audio is not the best in this episode). Gone Girl (2014) - 10/10 My favourite Fincher movie. More insights into this masterpiece in episode 33 of the podcast. Friends: The Reunion (2021) - 6/10 It was heartwarming to see the old actors for this great show together again. I talked about the Friends reunion film at length in episode 33 of my podcast.

Wolfwalkers (2020) - 10/10 I reviewed this in an earlier post but would like to reiterate just how wonderful Wolfwalkers is. If you get the chance, please see it in the cinema. I couldn’t stop crying from how beautiful it was. Raya and The Last Dragon (2021) - 6/10 After watching Wolfwalkers, I decided I didn’t want to go home. So I had lunch in town and booked a ticket for Disney’s Raya and The Last Dragon. A child was coughing directly behind me the entire time. Again, I reviewed this in an earlier post but generally it was decent but I have so many problems with the execution. The Princess Bride (1987) - 9/10 Clearly I underrated this the last time I watched it. The Princess Bride is warm and hilarious with some delightfully memorable characters. A real classic!

The Invisible Kid (1988) - 1/10 About as good as you’d expect a movie with that name to be, The Invisible Kid was a pick for The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast, the discussion for which you can listen to in episode 34. Babel (2006) - 9/10 The same night that I watched The Invisible Kid, I watched a masterful and dour drama from the director of Birdman and The Revenant. Babel calls back to an earlier movie of Iñárritu’s, called Amores Perros and as I was informed while we watched this for the podcast, it turns out Babel is part of a trilogy alongside the aforementioned film. More thoughts in episode 34 of the podcast. Snake Eyes (1998) - 1/10 After feeling thoroughly emotionally wiped out after Babel, we immediately watched another recommendation for the podcast: Snake Eyes, starring Nicolas Cage. This was a truly underwhelming experience and for more of a breakdown into what makes this movie so bad, you can listen to us talk about it on the podcast.

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adarlingsnightmare · 4 years

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Osamu Dazai Yandere Alphabet

this was requested by a lot of people and i wrote it awhile ago but am only posting it now bc i spent way too much time fussing over whether it was any good lol.

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

One word: smothering. Dazai's idea of affection involves robbing you of your privacy and getting in your personal space as much as possible. He doesn't even care if you're not comfortable with it, so for anyone who doesn't like being touched, he's an absolute nightmare to be with. He especially likes to wrap his arms around your shoulders from behind and stand like that for as long as possible.

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

As messy as necessary! He's more likely to get messy with you than with rivals, though. He is a sadist, but now that he has his precious darling this is all directed towards you, meaning his rivals get fairly swift deaths if Dazai does decide they need to die.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

As previously mentioned, Dazai is a sadist, and therefore loves to cause his darling pain whether that be physical or emotional. Despite this, he can act sweet and loving too, especially if you're not resistant. He does occasionally mock you, but it's not his main tactic of hurting you.

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling's will?

Yes, definitely. His darling's wants and needs are completely meaningless to him. To his darling, he may even seem oblivious, but the truth is he just doesn't care. You said you don't want him to spike your drink? Oh, well that's just too bad.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

Surprisingly, Dazai will actually be himself around his darling, rather than putting on a persona. He believes that since he loves you, you should know his true self. You're the only person in the world who will ever get to see the real Dazai, though that isn't necessarily a good thing. Don't get excited though, this doesn't mean he is vulnerable, in fact he is probably worse now he doesn't have to restrain himself.

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

Mostly amused. A part of Dazai enjoys someone who fights back and won't give in easily, in fact you could even argue he is somewhat masochistic since he gets rather excited by your anger towards him.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

Certainly. Dazai is fascinated by human behaviour and watching you react to various torture and situations is his form of entertainment. He may eventually get irritated if you are constantly trying to escape, but he somewhat admires your resilience.

Hell: What would be their darling's worst experience with them?

Honestly, the whole experience is a nightmare because there is no chance of a good ending. Dazai can't be reasoned with, there are no compromises and it is guaranteed to end in tragedy. No matter how strong or smart you are, you can't escape. The best ending is for Dazai to kill you, because at least then your suffering will be over.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

Dazai never expected to live this long, so he's never bothered thinking about the future before, even when it comes to his darling. However, if it came down to it, he'd probably want something similar to the 'typical' married life: a house, loving partner and maybe some kids. He wants to feel more human and he figures acting like everyone else is a good start. Although, despite these fantasies, Dazai will never actually be able to live this life due to who he is.

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

Oh, Dazai is the definition of jealous. He can't even handle the prospect of you thinking about someone else, let alone anything like actually talking to them. He has to be the centre of your world or he will literally go insane. He's not a hothead like Chuuya, so aside from a very tight grip on you and a dark glare, his jealousy won't be noticeable immediately. However, that's not to say he won't do anything about the situation — scheming on how he can ruin this persons life and if they really don't get the message, he supposes he'll just have to show them what happens to vermin who steal his darling's attention.

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

He still retains some of his cheery and mischievous persona, but make no mistake, once he's got you trapped, he'll reveal a much darker side. He likes to act oblivious to your suffering just to wind you up— oh, you're crying about how you want to be let out? so... anyways, what should we have for dinner? — and takes pleasure in both your despair and your anger towards him.

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

Depending on which version of Dazai we're talking about here (Mafia or ADA), his way of courting will be different. If you meet while he's in the Port Mafia, he will be more creepy than romantic. Relying more on intimidation than charm, he'll spend his time sadistically toying with you and jumping out of nowhere to wrap his arms around you in a suffocating hold. ADA!Dazai is pretty much the complete opposite— overwhelming you with endless gifts (mainly pricey chocolate and flowers), reciting cheesy love poetry, flirting constantly and of course always asking you whether you'd commit a double suicide with him.

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

Definitely. While Dazai appears as a cheerful, suicidal maniac with a penchant for troublemaking, he is actually quite different. Around you he does retain some of his facade, but the cracks will show and it'll be undoubtedly unsettling. He deceives you with his sweeter, more carefree side, before he reveals the merciless, cynical person he truly is.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

Punishing his darling is Dazai's favourite thing... much to the disdain of his darling. He'll punish you for just about anything and half the time he won't even explain what you've done wrong, simply wanting an excuse to have his fun. His punishment can take many forms, usually sexual, and always teaches you a lesson. The punishments you receive depend on whether we're talking about mafia!Dazai or ADA!Dazai, the former typically based around humiliation and the latter around degradation and pain. (I have quite a few ideas but I didn't want to write too much on this here).

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

Rights? Freedom? What are those? You don't know because you haven't experienced the feeling of independence and being able to make your own decisions since Dazai took an interest in you. He's an unbearably jealous person so he can't allow you to even look at other people, let alone talk to them. Despite how much you prove your loyalty to Dazai, he will still refuse to loosen his suffocating hold over you and your freedom.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

If Dazai thinks it's worth it, he can wait for just about anything, so he is usually relatively patient with his darling. I say 'usually', because while he doesn't mind waiting, he prefers his darling to respond to his questions and advances instantly and you risk getting punished if you don't. Unfortunately for you, you'll never know how patient he's feeling so it's always best to just be alert and reply immediately when he asks you something.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

Definitely not. Dazai's life felt pointless until he met his beloved darling, so you leaving/dying would absolutely destroy him and increase his suicidal tendencies tenfold. Without his raison d'être what point is there in continuing to live?

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

Guilt? Why on earth would Dazai feel guilty? He needs his darling to be around him pretty much 24/7 and kidnapping is the safest option for everyone, why should he feel guilty? I mean, who knows what kind of havoc Dazai would wreak if he couldn't have you by his side...

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

Dazai's own ability describes exactly just how disconnected from other people he feels, so it's no surprise that he doesn't really understand love. It's the curiosity of what it's like to be human — to be like everyone else — that will compel him to pursue his darling to the point it develops into an obsession. You'll also have to be different enough to keep his attention, perhaps being eccentric in your own way or being extremely hard to read. He can't feel genuine love, at least not like others do, but he can feel intense obsession and that may be even more dangerous.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

Unsurprisingly, Dazai enjoys his darling's tears and despair, being the sadist he is. However, he only likes it when he's the cause of your pain or distress, if you were crying because of someone else it would infuriate him to no end.

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

He appears like the typical delusional and deranged yandere, but he's actually very calculating and certainly lucid. He's fully aware of everything he's doing and how wrong it is, but does he care? Not in the slightest.

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

Honestly, it's hard to think of ways you could escape Dazai as he is extremely smart and unlike some other yanderes, no matter how compliant you are he will never let down his guard in the slightest. The only possibility is to kill him: whether that's by poisoning his food, smothering him in his sleep or biting down so hard on his neck he bleeds out. Either way, resorting to murder is the most plausible way of escaping.

Wit's end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

Of course! What's the point of being with your beloved if you can't inflict a little pain onto them? Pain will be a daily occurrence for you as nothing is more melodic to Dazai than your cries of pain.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

While Dazai doesn't worship you per say, he does see you as ethereal— an angel that he feels compelled to ruin. Since doesn't see himself as human, you are very different to him in his mind. He wants someone else to feel as inhuman as he does, which is why he takes great pleasure in destroying your humanity. He isn't worried about winning you over either; he may appear like he is trying to do so, but he knows that if you don't return his advances he can just make you love him.

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

As mentioned previously, Dazai can be very patient when he wants to be and has no problem playing the long game if he feels it is necessary. He won't kidnap you immediately: preferring to slowly worm his way into your life so that by the time you realise his true, much darker intentions, it's already too late to escape.

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

Well, he wants to mould his darling into the perfect submissive little kitten, so yes it is likely he would break them down until all he had to do was rebuild them in the image he wanted. Even if you genuinely love him back and want to be with him, Dazai will still tear down your mental stability to the point of complete reliance on him. He's never experienced any real love from another person before or been in an actual relationship, so it's safe to say his views on love are a little skewed. However, after he had completely broken you, Dazai would feel the closest he can to regret. He doesn't actually want you to be a lifeless doll, but unfortunately he only realises this after you're already too far gone.

#yandere x reader #yandere imagine #yandere dazai #yandere bsd #yandere #osamu dazai x reader #yandere osamu dazai #yandere bungou stray dogs #dazai x reader #yandere alphabet #osamu dazai #tw yandere #tw abuse #yandere scenario #yandere headcanons #bsd imagine #bsd x reader #yandere male

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lilydalexf · 3 years

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Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Rachel Nobel / Rae Lynn

Rachel Nobel, aka Rae Lynn, has 2 fics at Gossamer, but she’s written many more X-Files stories than that. You can also find fics by her at AO3 and various other archives. She’s one of the rare, special authors who’s posted numerous fic during the show’s original run and again in recent years. Big thanks to Rachel for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)? Absolutely. I joined a Facebook group for fanfic writers where someone recognized my name and asked about some of my stories that have disappeared from the Internet, and I almost fell off my chair. On the other hand, I go back and read original-run fanfic all the time - the Wayback Machine is my best friend for all the late great fanfic archives. Like fine wines, they get better with age! What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it? I was fairly young during the peak of the fandom - I was only 12 when I started watching the show and discovered the fandom online. A few years ago, right around the time we learned the revival was coming, I wrote an essay I called "How 'The X-Files' defined my adolescence," in which I wrote: "If you think about it, 'The X-Files' is a lot like adolescence: You start out thinking it's going to be a little hokey, NBD, and then you end up in its thrall, captivated and occasionally hugely let down. A lot of people behave strangely, and no one gets out unscathed. Mulder, in his own weird way, is the perfect mirror for an adolescent: He doesn't fit in; his life careens between being utterly consequential to the fate of the known universe and being completely pointless; he's socially awkward and can't quite nail it down with the girl of his dreams."

So for me, the fandom is inextricably bound up with adolescence, that feeling of vacillating between desperate loneliness and being on the verge of something enormously significant. Take romance: I was a bit of a late bloomer, and when all my friends were exploring their first relationships I was watching Mulder and Scully navigate this beautiful, complicated, soulful relationship without ever even kissing. That was deeply affecting for me as a teen.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)? I started out on mailing lists - there was an EMXC mailing list and one that I think was called X-Angst. [Lilydale note: There was a mailing list called XAngst Anonymous.] This was back at the dawn of the Internet when I only had 10 hours of AOL access a month, and I remember using what AOL called a "FlashSession" to log on, download all the fanfic from the mailing list and log off to read it. I vividly remember the excitement of watching all that new fanfic flood my inbox! Later on I was on atxc. During the long summer between "Gethsemane" and "Redux," it felt like fanfic was at its peak. There was a group of about a dozen women who got together (virtually) to discuss a work in progress by Lydia Bower called "Primal Sympathy." We called ourselves the "Primal Screamers," and we had our own website with fanfic recommendations and other discussions (it cracked me up to locate us as an entry on Fanlore.org). I was still in high school at the time and I was the youngest member; I felt like I had been accepted into a cool underground club. I worshipped these women, who were fanfic writers themselves. They taught me everything I knew about how to be a decent, respectful, enthusiastic consumer and writer of fanfic and fandom. [Lilydale note: I’ve talked enthusiastically about the Primal Screamers here before, including their fanfic primer.] What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general? In the '90s, I would have been embarrassed to tell anyone I read fanfic, let alone that I was writing it. Now, I look back on it and realize how talented and smart and passionate we all were. It's something to be proud of. What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show? The first episode I ever saw was "Shadows," which was on in reruns between the second and third seasons. I don't think "Shadows" is an episode that anyone today would consider thematically significant, but something about seeing those office supplies float spookily through the air - it wasn't like anything I had seen on television, and I wanted in. What got you involved with X-Files fanfic? I've always been a person who, when I am interested in something, seeks to learn more about it. So I guess I got online as a 12-year-old with this new interest and discovered fanfic. It was thrilling to find out that so many talented people were taking characters I loved and bringing them to life for me. When the screen faded to black each week and I wondered, "That's it? What next?", fanfic was always there to fill in the blanks and take Mulder and Scully to the next level. As a teenager, I was self-indulgent enough to think I had something to contribute, too. Most of what I wrote in the '90s would today make me cringe. I remember literally paging through the dictionary in search of erudite words I thought Mulder and Scully would say! But occasionally I'll feel brave enough to read an old story and I feel encouraged to see a spark: a turn of phrase or a fragment of dialogue that I still feel proud of. I write professionally now, but I've never written fiction that isn't X-Files fiction, so it's something that has really allowed me to hone my creative juices in a different way. What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom? Sometimes I feel like the Statler and Waldorf of the fandom, like I'm sitting up in the balcony grousing "Back in my day...!" Because the fandom is remarkably robust, and I've gotten involved with it to an extent on Twitter and AO3, and now all these young whippersnappers idolize Mulder and Scully just as much if not more as I ever did! Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files? Not really, no. I've of course consumed a lot of media since The X-Files that I wanted to discuss with others - I'm a huge "Harry Potter" nerd, and I was outraged when Netflix canceled "The OA" - but strangely I've never had the urge to read or write fanfic about anything other than "The X-Files." Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully? Every Thursday night! I watch a chosen episode with a group of fans on Twitter and tweet about it - #tbtXFiles. That's great fun. There are episodes I've seen dozens of times over the years and episodes I think I only ever watched once, and it's always enlightening to watch them again with a certain critical eye. When I was a fan during the original run, I really idolized Mulder; I loved episodes where we saw him in all his cracked genius glory. Scully was a trailblazer of a character, of course, but I think the fandom has evolved over the years to give Scully her due. Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom? I was fairly stunned when the revival came around and I realized that people were still writing X-Files fic, and that a lot of it was so good. So yes, I do read fic on Archive of Our Own. But my heart is always with the early days of fanfic. In the revival when Mulder says "I've always wondered how this was going to end" - that felt to me almost like a love letter to fanfic authors who had been trying to answer that question for 25 years. Surprisingly, I've never had the urge to read fic in another fandom. Every time I try, it just feels like I'm cheating on Mulder and Scully. Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors? My favorite author back in the day was Kipler. Her stories were just like real episodes of the show I could vividly imagine in my mind. I adore syntax6, particularly "20" and "The Birthday Stories," because of the way she perfectly and poignantly captures vignettes that span the entire series. Another favorite is Dawn and her "Blood Ties" series - I started out as a "NoRomo," and Dawn was one of the authors who made me believe Mulder and Scully could have a romantic relationship that really worked. And I always had a soft spot for Profiler!Mulder stories, so to this day I mourn the unfinished state of the great Kronos fic "Ascent to Hell." One fic I always come back to that captures profiling Mulder really well is "Domination of Lies," by cslatton. And then there are stories that I consider classics: "Corpse" by Livengoo, "Oklahoma" by Amperage and Livengoo, the "Revelations" and "All Hallow's Eve" series by Windsinger. What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise? I have a soft spot for a story I wrote called "Human Credential." I was attempting, a quarter-century after the first season of the show, to set a story in the very early days of the partnership (which these days is one of my favorite kinds of fanfic to read), and I felt like I nailed it. Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online? I have been doing both of these, as a matter of fact! Or in my case, they are oldies that made it online but vanished when Geocities went belly-up, for example, that I sometimes go back to and reshape. Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work? As the swallows return to Capistrano, I seem to always return to writing fic at periods of transition in my life. The first time I "retired" from fanfic, I wasn't even in college yet! If one can be nostalgic at 21 years old for something one gave up at 17, I was nostalgic for fanfic, and I picked it back up again in grad school. Then I became a teacher and a wife and a mom and years passed, and the revival seduced me back into it again. But the vast majority of fanfic I've written is firmly planted in the first seven seasons of the show - poor Mulder and Scully never seem to get to grow up in my stories. What's the story behind your pen name? I wrote under a lot of pen names over the years! When I first started writing fanfic, no one knew anything about Internet safety and it didn't occur to me that it wasn't wise to use my real name. There was a period when I would have been mortified if anyone discovered my stories under my real name - now, at least I can write it off as a youthful indulgence! When I finally grew into a more mature writer, I started using the name Rae Lynn, which is almost-but-not-quite my real first and middle names. Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions? As far as I know, unless my friends and acquaintances have done some sleuthing, only my husband knows I still write fanfic. And he's never read it, though he's kind enough to give me a glazed-eyes indulgent smile if I ever talk about it. Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now? I am xraelynn on AO3! I have about a dozen stories there - some of them I wrote 15 years ago and some of them are brand spanking new. Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

Fanfic is a true labor of love. Fanfic authors don't write fanfic for money or fame; they do it because they love it. Sites like AO3 and Tumblr have made it so much easier to show your appreciation to writers (::gruff reminiscing voice:: back in my day, you had to send them an email, and now you can just click the "kudos" button!). I can only speak for myself, but I really thrive on that feedback - otherwise I'm just Mulder in his cramped hovel of a home office waiting for Scully to nag me to shave my beard. Every so often I think about the fact that there is so much high-quality writing about these characters I've loved for decades just available on the Internet for free and it feels like a true gift.

(Posted by Lilydale on May 4, 2021)

#old school x #xfiles fanfic #xf fanfic #xf fanfic author interviews #rachel nobel #rae lynn

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ponyguru · 3 years

Text

Tonight I watched all of He-Man: Revelations and most of Centaurworld (I watched the first three episodes like, a week ago?) and I have ... opinions. (And it’s 4:37am, might as well share them while they’re fresh!)

(Warning, this got very long and ranty, sorry for stretching out your dashboards if that’s even still a thing anymore?)

He-Man was entertaining, but it did feel like (as someone with like, less than a passing knowledge of the characters) someone’s super-angsty fanfiction more than like ... a continuing series. They killed off multiple well-known, beloved characters, to drive home the point of how SERIOUS and how HARDCORE this series is, and instead it felt like being a little kid in the 80s watching Optimus Prime get murdered to sell more toys. Like, WHY DID THEY DIE? Oh right, to show the viewer how SERIOUS the bad guys are! And to give the other characters things to angst over, to show you they’re no longer just shallow 80s muscle man stereotypes to sell toys! But then you gotta wonder, where will they go from here? Who’s even left to continue the storyline? Is it still He-Man if half the supporting cast is dead?

Like I said, I’m not a He-Man fan by trade, but aside from the pointless murder, it did seem like it delved into the backstories that a lot of people have probably wanted since the 80s, and it made some very interesting points. So, hey, maybe it’ll be beloved by its fans! And it was very entertaining, especially as someone who wasn’t a childhood fan so I didn’t have a lot of nostalgia that I had to watch die. It doesn’t end on a happy note, there’s definitely the ‘what if the villains WON’ theme going, so maybe my opinion will be less dour when the next part comes out. (I did like that it focused more on the female characters, which was a very unexpected change, and in that aspect I felt it was very well written; that could explain why I’ve heard other screechingly negative feedback elsewhere online, heh. He-Man fans probably don’t appreciate the heavy preference paid to Teela.)

Centaurworld was ... well, I watched the first episode with my mother, which was a Huge Fucking Mistake. I heard that it was a thrilling combination of something akin to Adventure Time and a more serious cartoon like Avatar, and instead I got 10 minutes of that, and then 16 minutes of continuous ass, fart, and poop jokes, combined with a couple of great tunes and a lot of tuneless recitative style “songs”.

If you follow this blog, you probably know toys; you know the Poopsie Surprise toys? The ones which were so obsessed with uncomfortably sexualized poop/fart/barf references that entire scholarly articles were written about the sexualization of children with scatology-themed toys? Yeah, that’s what Centaurworld felt like, almost the whole time. Like just ... an uncomfortable amount of poop/butt/fart “jokes”, to the point where it felt like it had to be one of the writer’s fetishes. Like, it was clearly not funny, and the main character is clearly uncomfortable with it ... and it just keeps going.

I say jokes in scare quotes because jokes are supposed to be funny, and a lot of Centaurworld just wasn’t funny. You could tell it was meant to have jokes, but it was very much dated early-2000s type humor, I want to guess? The kind where it’s not so much ‘setup-punchline’ but the more ‘awkward reference awkward reference awkward reference drawn out wooooord’ type of “jokes”. And most of those “jokes” were just - you guessed it - drawn out references to butts, or farts, or some combination of the two. I felt like an aged boomer watching it. I like to think I’m hip and with the times, but it felt like it should be aimed at a middle schooler - but like, an oversexualized middle schooler? It was uncomfortable to say the least. (One character talks to his farts, claims they talk back to him, and he addresses them as ‘Daddy,’ while another character expresses how uncomfortable that is, and implies he has “issues” to unpack. Because that’s hilarious, I guess?)

Centaurworld did, beneath the heavy layer of scatology, have an intriguing storyline. A warhorse from a LOTR-style world is thrown into a wacky Adventure Time-type land made up of silly centaurs, and has to try and find her way back home. It was thrilling at times, if you could slog through everything else that beleaguered it. There were some really good jokes! But I couldn’t quite muster up a laugh, because I was still wondering when the next butt reference would sneak in. After ten terrible jokes, the one good joke couldn’t manage to lift me from the depth of despair I’d sunken into. It really only felt like the show got ‘tolerable’ around episode 7 (out of ten!!!!), which was an episode heavily focused on cats. (Which, again; wasn’t the internet very much about LOLCats in the early 2000s?)

If six episodes of a ten-episode series is nigh-intolerable, is it a successful show? Should you bother watching something that is 60%+ garbage? (And DON’T FUCKING WORRY, the poop/butt/fart jokes continued UNTIL THE FUCKING FINAL EPISODE.)

I suspect that, if there was a “goal” for all of the fetish stuff (beyond fetish stuff for fetish sake), it would be to illustrate to the viewer how uncomfortable the main character feels in this strange new land, and for us to share in her discomfort. Which, fine, sure! Secondhand embarrassment is definitely a trope. But the sheer uncomfortable volume of the poop/butt/fart jokes clearly went way beyond mere discomfort, and veered into ‘why is this coming up so much, is someone getting off on this?’ territory, at least for me. A couple butt jokes an episode, fine, okay. Entire five minute bits devoted to farts and butts? Entire songs about butts? I start questioning why it’s such a beloved subject for you to write about.

Plus, and I may be reading into this too much, but several of the only Black-coded characters felt racist. I’m talking neck-snapping, tribal body paint type racism, although only one got the exaggerated “soul” type music to sing, which I guess is a relative win? (Waterbaby and Judge Jacket, if you’re wondering who I’m referencing. One of them is a literal hippo centaur, giving us shades of Madagascar.) It wasn’t obvious, but combined with everything else, it felt ... bad. (There are multiple other nonwhite voice actors who aren’t stereotypes, so maybe it was just a bad case of ‘trying to represent different culture while being clueless white people’, who knows?) There was also some classic fatphobia, with one of the villains being shown as a fat neckbeard collector/nerd. Wasn’t that relevant in - wait for it - the early 2000s? They redeem themselves very slightly by having maybe two other characters who are visibly fat, but one of them is also viewed as an antagonist.

Anyway, I was disappointed enough with the show to feel like I should say something, so - there it is. Centaurworld did have some good moments, some lovely songs, and there was some really heartwarming and tender character development that I liked, sandwiched between huge swaths of discomfort. There might be a season 2 (there shouldn’t be, LOL) and hell, I will probably suffer through it because I want to see what happens to them. But I can’t recommend that anyone else do the same, in all good conscience. It’s not good. It’s just not. But if you have 5 hours to kill, there’s worse stuff out there?

If you want to watch one episode to see the best of the series, I recommend episode seven, “Johnny Teatime's Be Best Competition: A Quest for the Sash.” It’s themed after the CATS musical, and the extended number at the end gave me shades of MLP or Fashion Star Fillies. (I found an official clip of the song posted here.) There’s also other lovely songs in the series, but you’d have to suffer through entire bad episodes to see them. The lovely “You’re Okay” shows up in the very first episode, so if you’re curious give that a watch... just be aware it never gets better, only worse.

This series genuinely upset me, because I wanted it to be something much better, and there were glimpses of it; you just had to try and close your eyes to the obsession with butts and farting to see pieces of what it might have been.

One notable fact that I thought was kind of like ‘wow, oof’ was that Meghan McCarthy, of MLP:FiM fame, was a story editor for Centaurworld. And considering how MLP went downhill in later seasons, I gotta say I’m wondering if there’s a commonality there. Maybe her fetish is bad writing? There’s worse fetishes to have, AS CENTAURWORLD CLEARLY DEMONSTRATES.

#ponyguru chat #in which I ramble #in which it's 4am and I ramble lmao #OH GOD I HAVE A 4AM RAMBLE TAG OKAY TIME FOR SLEEP TTYL ALL #long post #VERY long post

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inevitably-johnlocked · 3 years

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Whats your favorite song at the moment

Hey Nonny!

Ooof Too many, hahhaha! Because I don’t leave home anymore, I’m not looking constantly for new music to add to my Playlist, so mostly it’s stuff that I come across on Tumblr and is living rent-free in my head on repeat, or me digging on my harddrives for a nostalgia kick.... currently, these are the top 5 cycling in my head, no particular order:

(EDIT IT’S NOW TEN. I COULDN’T CHOOSE. LISTEN TO THEM ALL. THEY’RE ALL AMAZING)

(EDIT 2 SORRY IT’S NOW 15!! NONNY I’M SO SORRY. I know no one cares, but I LOVE sharing my Music with people)

(EDIT 3 *SIGH* Now 20. :| HELP. Stopping before I get carried away. No one ever likes my music so I love when people ask me for my songs with genuine interest)

Nathan Evans - The Wellerman (220 Kid X Billen Ted Remix) (flashing images CW in video!) – Got into the original of this one during the sea shanty trend, and then this dance remix came out... those of you who know me well, know that I am HOOKED on remixes, especially dance remixes. So I was so happy about this official one.

The Kiffness - Ievan Polkka ft. Bilal Göregen (Club Remix) – This one I got into because I think, again, the original with the blind man was trending, and then I found this remix artist on YouTube from his remix of The Wellerman, and his is SOOOO good!! I loved this song back in the early noughts when it was popular as “Leek Spin”. But then these young folks had to go and make it amazing again!!

ZHU, partywithray - Came For The Low – (LOTS OF FLASHING LIGHTS IN VIDEO CW!) Thank Falcon And the Winter Soldier for this one! It took me a WEEK to find out what song they’re playing in the club in Episode 3 when Zemo’s dancing, and YAY I found this finally (not the one hour one, sadly, still trying to find the song D+ Marvel used for that one). I LOVE IT. LISTEN TO IT. SO good if you like heavy club beats

Sim Gretina - A Friend Like Me (Electro Swing Remix) – This is SATISFYING. I LOVE IT. Found it years ago after that homemade Aladdin carpet video was going viral, and every time it comes up on my playlist, I replay it like 6 times.

Linkin Park - Numb (80′s Remix) – That tumblr meme song that went around years ago? HERE YOU ARE!!! :D This is TOO SHORT and it’s also on repeat when I listen to it. Y’all, this is what depression feels like when you’re trying to pretend to be happy all the time LOL. It’s a whole MOOD. This one is great to blast in the car and have people confused at you singing at the top of your lungs. Like, “I AM NUMB AND AN EDGELORD BUT READY TO PARTY!!!”.

One Ton - Supersexworld – Okay, this is an OLLLLLLDDD one by a one-hit wonder Canadian band that I stumbled upon recently when I was going through my hard drives to find new stuff to put onto my iPhone. I was OBSESSED with this song when it first came out, forgot about it, and NOW... SHIT I can’t STOP. This one is BLARING when I hear it, and am so happy I found it again. It’s simple, amazing, and AWESOME. LISTEN TO IT. You will love it. Please. It’s got one verse and one chorus over and over, and it’s catchy as hell. It’s on my personal Johnlock playlist :D

Deorro - Rise and Shine – GUYS. This song. Also on my personal Johnlock Playlist, this one is SOMETHING. First heard it in my BodyPump class, I NEEDED it. It’s SO GOOD. Jazzy Club Music??? YES PLEASE! Video is all kinds of amazing? YES PLEASE. PLEASE listen to this. I LOVE IT SO MUCH.

Bloodhound Gang - The Bad Touch (Eiffel 65 Remix) – Is this song a decade old? YES. Has it been on my iPod since it first came out? FUCK YES. Y’all, Eiffel 65 is SO underrated for their remixes. This is one of their best remixes, and it’s the PERFECT walking song. YES I look like an idiot walking to it, but I love it SO MUCH. It’s better than the original, imho.

Gotye feat. Kimbra - Somebody That I Used To Know (Bastian Van Shield Remix) – LOL I KNOW: sacrilege to remix Gotye, but Y’ALL. This is the DEFINITIVE remix of one of his best songs. Six minutes of pure club beats, and just... ANOTHER perfect walking song that you need to SCREAM at the top of your lungs. Also on my personal Playlist, John POV, that I will share eventually.... it makes sense in the song order on the list, I promise LOL)

Tee Lopes - Marble Zone '12 – Tee Lopes is the official composer for Sonic Mania, hired because of all his AMAZING Classic Sonic remixes he did as a hobby on his YouTube channel. This one has a Tango flavour, and it’s SO good and not long enough. There’s an extended version here. Also love his Flying Battery and Ice Cap remixes. If you love video game music remixes like I do, check out his YT channel. There’s a TONNE there and it’s GREAT music to write to.

Aaron Smith - Dancin’ (KRONO Remix) – I dunno where I first heard this one, but I LOVE it. It’s like trancey club music. It’s beautiful, and WORTH a listen.

Pet Shop Boys - I Wouldn't Normally Do This Kind Of Thing [Extended Nude Mix] – Ooooof this one has been on my faves for a LONG time. Originally heard this on the PSB’s album Disco 2, back when their remixes were this good and long and clubby. I miss these so much. If you want a good club beat to thump your car, this is it my friends.

Informätik - A Matter of Time – FUCK ME I love this song. This is the song that made me want to start a Johnlock playlist. I talk more in length about it on this post here, but yeah, I still just.. MM. It’s just so beautiful and is what got me into EBM music in the first place. I listened to this and a lot of their music quite often in college when I was pining over people. Always the pining and never the requited, LOL. I just really love it.

Pride and Fall - Paragon – GUYS. This one is SO good. Trancey EBM and just, UGHGGHHGHGHHHG It gives me so many feels. I’ve loved this song for SO many years, and just, still has to be on every iPod I own. It’s beautiful, and the lyrics are beautiful and I wish I was as beautiful as this song, LOL. Please listen and enjoy. Best bit is a 3:11 :D <3

Rammstein - Mein Teil (Pet Shop Boys Remix) – GUYS. This is one of the greatest collabs of all time. I love both Rammstein AND Pet Shop Boys, and was SO EXCITED when they remixed this song for the single. This is the better of the two remixes PSB did for them, and YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO IT. PURE CLUB BLISS. This is the PSB in their remixing best!!!! <3 Plus, it’s SUPER WEIRD to hear these angry Germans backing a club beat, I LOVE IT. Also, it’s literally a song about a true story of literally eating a dick, so.... *shrugs*

Pet Shop Boys - Love Etc. (PSB Mix) – Y’ALL. This is 6 minutes of LITERAL dance music BLISS. A fantastic remix of one of my fave songs from the PSB, which is essentially shitting on the materialism of relationships. And I love this one, it’s a great work out and car song. Honestly PLEASE listen to it.

Apoptygma Berzerk - Kathy’s Song (Beborn Beton Remix) – GUYYYYYYYYYsSSSS I love this song so much. The original is much slower, and I discovered Beborn Beton FROM this song (another great artist, check them out). This song is just, a great dance song, and just makes me scream out when I hear it. Full volume, beautiful song, beautiful lyrics. It’s my Android!lock headcanon song, but it is also on my JL Personal Playlist, LOL.

Darude vs. Robert Miles - Children of the Sandstorm – One of the BEST MASHUPS in the world, and I am CERTAIN it is an official one; I was obsessed with mashups when I was in college so I have a TONNE of them, but this one has always been a fave, and I still jam to it over a decade later. Seriously, these songs SEAMLESSLY blend together, it’s fantastic. Classic club and trance? HELLS YES.

Eminem - Nobody Listen to Techno (Deep Dish Mix) – Another nostalgia hit for me. Is it pointless? Not if I enjoy it!! I LOVE this song. Deep Dish mixes were THE JAM in my college years, and like, this is just 9 minutes of PURE techno with some of his song “Without Me” sampled throughout. I LOVE IT. SO MUCH. This is a banger, and just, if you need music to listen to while driving or writing, this is one for you!!

Rammstein feat. Sharleen Spiteri - Stirb Nicht Vor Mir (Don't Die Before I Do) – And to bring the mood WAYYY down, did you know Rammstein did a love song? A beautiful, moves-me-to-tears love song? Because I did and it’s one of my FAVE songs by them. It’s SO beautiful, and the Till’s harsh voice WORKS for it. It’s gentle and soothing. It’s a German/English duet, and it makes me nearly cry EVERY TIME. Because I imagine John and Sherlock and then I die inside LOL. It’s so beautiful and I listen to this one years after it was released. Look up the translation, it is so beautiful.

AND if you guys happen to like any of these songs, copy the youtube video link and use this :)

Most of these that aren’t silly are on my Johnlock playlist, so do give the latter songs a listen! <3 I’m sorry for adding more than five... I just really love sharing things with you guys I like because I’m so lonely, LOL.

If any of y’all are playing these and trying to pick me up, *finger guns* Let’s go get cake and jam :D

AHH I like when I get asks like this! Sorry I took so long Nonny, but I just kept ADDING to it, as you can see. Had to stop because I could keep going.

#steph replies #my playlist #fave songs #music #happy posts #chatting with nonnies #Anonymous #i want more asks like this hee hee #ask me anything

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pugh-bug · 3 years

Text

Scott Lang x reader

Chapter 4 of this slow burn (which is fitting because I post the chapters slowly) story

Finally! The next chapter will follow on from this because it’s going to end up too long if I don’t post this chapter now. I hope you enjoy it! :)

You’d been stressed the last week and everyone could tell. A twenty thousand word uni essay you thought was in for the end of term turned out to have been due two weeks earlier. It only took one text from a fellow class member, who you never really spoke to or considered, asking you what your grade was to send you into a frantic meltdown. Luckily the Avengers were busy so you had Stark Tower to yourself for a few hours and took full advantage. By crying. A lot. Begging your professor to give you more time to hand it in (because you were sick cough cough) and planning the stupid thing to get it over with. Did you get it done eventually? Yes. Would a drunken chicken be impressed by your words? Doubtful.

Normally you gave Bruce your essays to look over but you couldn’t bring yourself to show him your so called ‘work’ so into the submissions it went. It was too embarrassing but your motivation levels had plummeted since meeting the Avengers and calling them your friends - you couldn’t care too much. In the scheme of things essays just didn’t seem important anymore.

On Sunday you submitted it and sat in silence for a moment. Everyone had gotten used to giving you space, for a change, so you were comfortable with quiet. However you were not going to quietly tell them you’d finally finished. No.

‘FINALLY!’ You yelled, purposefully leaning towards your door for maximum effect. Let them come to you, you thought. As the door opened and your friends pretty faces appeared you felt nothing but relief. It was silly to feel ‘free’ because it was just an essay but fucking hell did you despise avoiding everyone to write it for so long.

Scott came to you first with Tony, Thor and Vision behind. You tried not to revel in him being closest to you too much. He looked especially cute that afternoon, you could tell he’d had a lie in because of his slight bed hair, and you beamed at him. ‘So it’s finished?’ Making space for him so he could sit on your desk beside you, you nodded. ‘Yes!’

While Thor gave you a long speech about how pointless Earth school was in his charming way, Tony congratulated you like you’d had a baby.

‘Good. Knew that was hard for you.’

Scott was glued to your desk and you tried to make eye contact with everyone else in the room but him. Him and his pretty distracting face.

‘I have a brilliant idea!’ Tony then announced, commanding the room in his diva like way. Scott raised his eyebrows at you in anticipation before you all turned to look at the billionaire. ‘I think we’ve all disappointed ourselves this week. Do you know why? Work. We’ve been working too hard.’ Scott laughed and smiled down at you, which you returned. Poor Vision just stood in the doorframe glazed with visible confusion. It was like being in a Ted talk audience.

‘Y/N’s essay,’ Tony gestured to you. ‘My impeccable new suit. I’m sure Vision has been doing.. somethi- the point is, we need to party. My humble suggestion, which you’re free to disapprove of if you’re boring, is that we all get-‘

‘Smashed!’

The exclaim just left you. You had been fucking itching to be drunk all week and celebrate - even if it was a small achievement in the grand scheme of things. You wanted to do shots. Lie on the floor. Dance. Dance and finally eat! Somehow you hadn’t eaten anything all day and it was 4pm. Your stomach was growling at you.

Scott rubbed your shoulder playfully and smirked ‘I like that plan.’

‘Excuse me. My plan.’

You and Scott chose to ignore the diva in the room which of course Vision and his big computer brain had to comment on. ‘Erm...’ he hesitated as he walked towards the two of you in classic Vision fashion. ‘You two are-‘

‘About to find all the liquor!’ Before he could finish whatever awkward question he could ask you jumped out of your seat taking Scott with you. The cabinets where most of the alcohol got stored were all in the smaller of Tony’s kitchens. Scott’s hand in yours felt familiar and unfamiliar at the same time as you giddily dragged him down the hall. You could not stop smiling and he could sense your mood change.

‘Someone’s happy today.’

Of course you somehow took that as a hint to let his hand go, which you did but sadly. Your hand felt a bit lost as you walked and you couldn’t remember if you normally swung your arms or kept them still like Vision.

‘I’m warning you now,’ you opened the cupboards with no specific alcohol in mind ‘I plan on getting very drunk tonight.’ Fuck. There wasn’t any kopperberg left. Oh well you’d settle for gasoline- it was one of those days.

‘You don’t have to tell me,’ Scott chuckled at you. ‘When I was your age I got black out drunk almost daily.’ Once you were carrying a dangerous amount of bottles and cans you looked up at the man and he looked a bit smug. ‘Am I right in thinking you’re proud of yourself?’ He didn’t have to reply, you could tell he was.

The two of you laid out the cans and wine, vodka, mixer and beer bottles out on the counter carefully. It looked like a beautiful recipe for disaster but it wasn’t anything you hadn’t all done only weeks before. The amusing sounds of Tony bossing everyone around to get off their asses and party met your ears. Your main goal was to start drinking as soon as possible. Red wine, you found in your ‘scientific studies’, got you the drunkest the quickest so it was the obvious choice.

As you swug it, Scott hesitated about starting his beer. He watched you but for once you didn’t have the energy to wonder what he was thinking. ‘Oh no,’ you laughed and carried on drinking. ‘I’m gonna have to peel you off this floor later aren’t I?’ His words were worrying but there was a gleam in his eyes and an energy radiating off the two of you that didn’t care what happened.

You laughed and told him that yes he definitely would have to. He seemed to think it was his mission and his alone to look after you. How sweet and incorrect. ‘Scott,’ saying his name never got old ‘Don’t you dare stay sober for me. I’ve never seen you drunk.’ Somehow you hadn’t. Unless you had and couldn’t remember which was also likely. The idea of the two of you dancing together and Scott twirling you under his arm made your cheeks warm and your chest flutter.

The urge to be overly sarcastic was building, why you got like this around attractive people when you were bored you didn’t know. It wasn’t your best trait - funny sometimes but not exactly mature of you. It was almost addictive and spending time with Tony’s sarcy ass did nothing to help you think before you spoke.

You leant on the counter drinking but your mind was trying to decide which playlist you were going to force everyone to dance to. ‘Plughole.’ Scott stated.

‘Wow...’

‘It’s too quiet in here. Did I miss anything?’ Tony strutted in with his classic arrogance. You gestured to yourself and repeated Scott’s remark while chugging more wine. If you didn’t feel tipsy soon you’d start taking shots.

‘Shots!’ Clint yelled, entering the kitchen behind Thor, Peter, Nat, Bruce and Vision. Maybe the archer could mind read after all? He was holding an oven tray filled with shot glasses. Just- a beautiful sight. Scott looked apprehensive on your behalf but that didn’t matter. If he didn’t want you to get plastered he didn’t have to stay with you all night. Nat would.

‘Finally, yes please yes.’

It was pure chaos before long, which was exactly what you craved after such a boring week. ‘I want it all’ by the Arctic Monkeys was playing, despite Thor’s drunken Asgardian chant suggestions, and you had somehow taken 5 shots already. Scott was on 4, Vision going strong with 0 (of course), Thor had beaten you with 7 and yet Tony was winning with 8. You lost count quickly after that.

There were so many people in one room you felt like leaving would be impossible. You’d have to crowd surf to get to the shitting toilet. ‘Scott!’ He’d stayed near you until Steve arrived, looking sophisticated in a suit. That was when drunk you decided Scott could only leave you for Steve. One exception.

‘Scott!’

He heard you the second time, just barely over the music Sam had turned up. You felt needy and raw. Almost all of your ‘holding back reserves’ had been chained up by copious amounts of vodka. ‘Are you okay?’ Slurring his words slightly, Scott put his hand on your shoulder looking genuinely concerned. Your heart swelled. ‘Aw fuck.’ He didn’t respond at your accidental ‘sentence’ that had meant to stay in your brain.

‘I need to throw up.’

You didn’t even know if you felt sick but you felt something. It was just words and a half arsed explanation for leaving the lively room. The two of you were stood in the centre of the dance circle so leaving was a struggle. Avoiding Tony’s flaying arms and Sam’s impressive dancing to find the empty corridor felt like an obstacle course.

As soon as you and Scott reached the bathroom your stomach grumbled. ‘Oh.’ You held it and looked up at Scott’s confused face with realisation. ‘I think I’m just h-hungry! And you burst out laughing in his drunken haze Scott joined in.

‘Pretty sure there’s cake over here.’ He laughed, partially at your excitement but also at his own. Neither one of you ate well without encouragement and all you wanted was to devour sugar or his face if you got any drunker.

Taglist: @supraveng

#marvel #marvel fandom #scott lang x reader #slow burn #scott lang fluff #scott lang

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nightswithkookmin · 4 years

Note

Hey! So in your latest post you mentioned something about the instinctive reactions that Jikook have towards each other as a sign of intimacy between them. Being a multishipper, I can say that I have noticed the same between Taekook, too. It's almost the same as it is in Jikook. Like during Fake Love Era, when Tae came around to hug JK but stopped himself. I have seen the same happening with Taekook a lot, too. Especially Tae. He seems to be controlling himself a lot around JK. Same goes for +

Hmmmm.....

You really sound like this one tuktukker in my DMs who won't stop trying to convince me Taekook is real.👀 You are not the one, are you? Lol.

And I'm not sure how I feel about this ask...

On one hand, I love the topic about intimacy and even comparing and contrasting Jikook's intimacy with that of the other pairs within the group. I think it makes for an interesting conversation.

But on the other hand too, it feels as if you are asking me to prove to you my opinion and perspective on the topic, and convince you that Jikook is in fact real? I don't gotta do that. Lol.

That sits on the same table as that whole 'what are you seeing that I am not' conversation and I don't feel comfortable with those kinds of debates. It's unhealthy and doesn't flow from a good place.

I don't enjoy pointless competitive and argumentative conversations of that nature especially when it's one person's point of view versus another's point of view- not when Jikook haven't officially stated their sexual preference or that they are an actual couple. It's pointless.

Mine is just to share my thoughts on a subject, nothing more. Chileee, You are allowed to believe whatever you want about these boys and their ships but please don't disguise skepticism as objectivity when it comes to Jikook.

On the topic of intimacy- yea, you piqued my interest in that. Can't help myself. *rolling my eyes. Lol.

I think I have said several times now that BTS in general are a pretty intimate group of friends and as such it is reasonable to expect a certain level of intimacy between them- all of them not just Jikook.

I mean how close do you think Namkook need to be for JK to try and eat food from his mouth? How close does he need to be with Jin for Jin to wake him up by squeezing his nipples or for JK to be kissing Jin's calf or for him to take 'naked' shirtless selfies with him?

When it comes to Taekook, I have said I think they are or used to be one of the closest pairs within the group. How close do you think two people need to be for one of them to strip the other naked to the D to take a shower with?

Tae played a huge role, just as much as Jimin did in their earlier dynamics, in helping JK break out of his shell as the quiet shy boy he used to be in their trainee days.

I mean they both pretty much acknowledged this fact in their conversation in Soop.

But nothing about these interactions outlined above, as 'intimate' as they may seem on the surface, is in any way romantic or indicative of a romantic relationship.

But you are right, when it comes to the metrics for determining whether a ship in BTS is real within BTS, that a clear distinction ought to be made between the kind of intimacy characteristic of romance and the kind of intimacy that flows from close friendships.

There is just a certain degree of interaction that cannot ensue between two people unless those two people are very close to each other. And that intimacy between them often would flow from how close they are with eachother both physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually and sexually.

Most of these interactions between them are often influenced by each individuals unique personality too. JK is touchy, when he touches Jin or Jimin or Tae there is a higher chance he is just being himself.

Jimin is affectionate and a bit flirty by nature, if you see him being affectionate and flirty with any member there is a higher chance he is just being himself.

Tae is equally very touchy, affectionate and flirty all at the same damn time. Lol. So often when he is being touchy, affectionate and flirty with any member in there, there is a higher chance he is just being himself too.

We ought to make all these deductions and subtract them from the equation. And on that note, skinship would have to be the first to go simply because it is much closer to and contingent on the personality tangent and very far removed from the romantic intimacy spectrum.

What I mean is, a person's comfortableness with skinship depends much on their personality- Some people like it, some don't.

And while we are at it, I think we have to draw the distinction between physical affection and skinship- those two are not the same.

When JK is kissing Jin's leg there is nothing affectionate about that. When he is trying to zap food from RM's mouth- ain't nothing affectionate about that either. If anything at all it's just gross. Boys can be gross sometimes. Lol.

But these actions in no way communicate RM's affections for JK or JK's affection for RM. It just shows they are comfortable around eachother.

I think RM watching JK on the screen with pride and fondness written all over his face during their LGO reaction VLive conveys his love and affections for Kook more just as Kook kissing the top of his head- forehead or whatever, shows his love and affection for RM.

Physical affection is a variant of intimacy and conveys a person's love and fondness of another person but it in no way, by itself, is indicative of a sexual and romantic relationship.

A classic example of this distinction would be the September 1st BB Vlive held on JK's birthday this year. Tae reached for JK and squished his cheeks. It was a cute interaction, true. But was it intimate? If you say yes, I'm smacking the back of your head. Lol.

No, but seriously. Let's look beyond the cuteness of that moment for a second here. Do you think that moment speaks to how intimate they actually are with eachother even as friends off camera?

You said yes, didn't you? I-swear- to-God! Lmho.

It doesn't. It's not. It in no way is a reflection of the level of intimacy between them. What it shows is Tae's fondness of JK that's all. It sits right with the Namkook examples I gave above.

Now juxtapose that moment with Tae Kook's interactions in Run 116. Which of these two moments would you refer to as intimate? Do you see what I mean?

There wasn't much loud skinship going on between Tae kook in that Run episode yet it was the most intimate I had seen them be in a long time- especially the moments of them sitting together on the couch. It made me weak just watching that bit. I won't lie- God was it beautiful. Woo!

But what sets these two moments apart? I don't know about you but to me it's the vulnerability- that's what did me in.

This may be debatable but JK seemed very vulnerable with Tae to me in those moments in Run 116 as compared to the Tae Kook moments in that BB reaction VLive.

Tae seemed very nurturing of JK and his presence and close proximity to JK seemed to provide some sort of comfort for JK.

Vulnerability is a key determinant of emotional intimacy, in my opinion. And I think emotional intimacy sits high in determining if two people are in a romantic relationship.

So forgive me, but all these secret boy with love signs you mention- where is the emotional intimacy and vulnerability in that? How is that physically affectionate and as such such proof that two people are real? Chilee.

Jikook do that too and more but I don't even regard that. Lmho. Those things are cute and beautiful and I uWu at it too- but make no mistakes, it proofs nothing. Lol.

Taekook do that, Jikook do that, Taejin do that- wait a damn minute! You is a tradshipper ain't you? 🧐

Backing away slowly. You sonova bish! lol. You almost fooled me with the whole multishipper bit. Chileee. So sneaky- I like that. Lmho.

Anywho, as I keep saying, I believe Jk is the most emotionally closed off within the group- oh did you read his Weverse magazine interview? Him talking about wanting to have a solo stage someday to try and perform on his own without the members? This is where I regurgitate my slogan for Jikook in 2020- 'Jikook have been asserting themselves against eachother and against the group.' Lmho.

Totally unrelated, but just wanted to point it out to all the PJMs who come for me when I say JM is more emotionally attached to the group than JK and that JK has the most emotional boundaries within the group.

I mean from their interview, JM was the one who expressed the sentiment of wanting to be with the members forever while JK expressed a desire to pursue a 'solo stage. Just as a disclaimer, as JK said, I am not saying he is trying to go solo or leave BTS. Just read his interview for yourself and see what I mean please.

They both love the group and are attached to it but this goes to show who is the most emotionally attached to the group- It's not important, let's just move on. Lol.

I value Jk's emotional vulnerability because unlike Tae or Jimin, who are both naturally affectionate and as such emotionally open to others, I believe JK is a bit picky about who he decides to be emotionally vulnerable with or emotionally dependent on.

In Jikook's 2014 magazine interview about their friendship, JK expressed and conveyed his emotional dependency on Jimin when he whined about Jimin not waking him up that morning.

He wasn't just being emotionally vulnerable with JM in that moment, in my opinion. I think he was also expressing his emotional needs and wants to Jimin. He was communicating the way in which he wanted to be nurtured by Jimin- He wanted Jimin to wake him up every morning just as he had been doing.

He expressed similar vulnerability with Jimin in their New Jersey VLive when he whined and complained about Jimin not letting him in on their JinMin VLive or even during their Rain fight when he literally cried on the phone with Jimin- please, I'm soft. Don't touch me. Lol.

And when you contrast these moments with even the Tae Kook conversation in Soop which was supposed to be a vulnerable moment between them, you could see JK wasn't as emotionally vulnerable in that conversation- He don switched off his humanity on Tae. chileee. What a man gotta do JK? Lmho

He seemed emotionally closed off to Tae even though Tae was being vulnerable with him. Allow me to regurgitate again- if Tae kook is real it's one sided. Ok that's wrong of me. Lol.

I honestly don't think Tae is in love with JK. He is very fond of JK and he loves him just as much as he loves everyone in the group. I see a similarity between him and Jimin in that regard- except Jimin is throwing it back for his dongsaeng at night. Chileee. Lmho.

Listen, I'm gonna state my opinion as fact here: Taekook is not real. Their ship is not the standard for ascertaining Jikook. Any ship involving JK and JM besides Jikook is null and void and utterly invalid in the grand scheme of things.

There is just a certain degree of emotional depth to Jikook's dynamics that is just absent in all these other tradships involving Kook and Jimin in BTS.

And I think the one thing most tradshippers don't realise about Tae Kook is that their dynamic is more similar to VMin and not Jikook. Tae is to JK what Jimin is to Tae- close friends. And if Taekook is real then VMin ought to be real too. In my opinion.

There is a deep connection between Tae and Kook just as much as there is between Tae and Jimin. The only difference between those two ships is that Jimin nurtures his connection with Tae, just as Tae nurtures his connection with Jimin and so their bond very often is consistent and fully nourished.

But in Tae Kook, for whatever reason, JK stopped nurturing their connection. Over the years, it's always been Tae complaining about JK not doing this or that- Jk ignoring him, excluding him in the VMinKook dynamics, keeping Jimin to himself and from their conversation in Soop, it seemed when Tae tried to tell JK his emotional need in order to nurture their connection JK put a barrier there too. Claiming he didn't want to treat Tae as a friend because because that would have led to them fighting a lot. And Tae said, fighting is something that would have brought them together- This is the missing depth, I'm talking about. Taekook lacks a certain degree of depth in their connection.

So yes, I expect Tae to hug JK when he is excited. I expect him to squish his cheeks like a baby, I expect Tae to sit on JK's laps and bounce up and down. But these are just interactions and they may come across as intimate to some but they in no way carry romantic subtexts.

I mean Trad jokers do that shit with Jikook too most times- but that is not why Jikook is real.

These moments only go to show how close these boys are to one another and as I prefaced earlier- they are all pretty close.

So if Tae is trying to hug JK when he is happy, it is not really a tell. I think it shows how comfortable and close he is with JK. If Jikook or any other ship hugged too, it wouldn't mean that much either. Not to me.

However, why he hesitated to hug JK in the moment you mentioned would be something I would place much value on. Usually, BTS are very comfortable hugging each other and showing skinship. So if suddenly one of them is hesitating to do that with another member then brows ought to be raised.

There could be a myriad of reasons for why they would hesitate to do skinship in a moment but just a few of those reasons would be suggestive of something suspicious going on between the boys.

I mean RM tried to hold Hobi, was it? He wanted to hold his suit or something at an award but seemed to hesitate there for a sec. I think it used to be a meme? Lol.

Then there is JK trying to put his hands around Jimin and hesitating too- I mean all the times he's hesitated when he's tried to touch Jimin...

What these are are just stress marks. It merely shows the wants of whoever was hesitating to engage in the act. RM wanted to touch Hobi's suit, JK wanted to touch Jimin. Tae wanted to hug JK. It's not that deep. Lol.

The act itself they wanted to carry out needs to be taken into consideration just as much as the why they were hesitating in those moments.

I don't think RM was hesitating to touch Hobi's suit because he had a crush on Hobi's suit. That would be- disturbing, even by my standards. Lol.

I don't think JK was hesitating to put his hands around Jimin in the earlier days because he was shy of the cameras in the way he was conscious of the cameras in Soop.

Jk's hesitation in Soop was because he was censoring himself in order not to expose their dynamics. I think.

I guess what I'm trying to say is you gotta find out why Tae hesitated in that moment with Kook. I don't think it was because he was trying not to expose their nonexistent relationship dynamics. Chileeee.

Jimin trying to kiss Kook and stopping himself is different from him trying to hug Kook and stopping himself. Why? Because the former exposes their relationship dynamics while the latter don't.

Sometimes, it's just the cameras that stop them. Other times, like Jikook in Run 116, it's just one of them putting up boundaries with the other- for reasons I've speculated on.

To sum everything up, I guess what I'm saying is, when you notice someone hesitating and exhibiting these instinctual reactions check to see the context- don't just say it's an instinctual reaction and go. Lol.

Consider if it's happening in a vulnerable moment, the history between those two individuals- whether the action in question is something they do a lot with eachother, whether it's an expression of affection or skinship, whether the action they were going for exposes their dynamics, the setting within which that happens and most importantly why that person is hesitating.

Tae going for a hug and hesitating in no way exposes their dynamics, to me, because we see them hug all the time. If he is hesitating to hug JK it's just a sign something is stressing their dynamics and perhaps you have to strap on your tinfoil hat and look into that? Lol.

Chileee, Anon. I feel used and bamboozled by you. Disguising these tradship insecurities as legitimate shipping concerns- Strike one. Lol.

I think if you are looking for ships with similar dynamics in BTS to compare, you should look more into VMin vs Taekook because they are relatively the most similar ship dynamics in BTS as far as ships and friendships go.

But even that, you don't need me to tell you VMin pulls weight over Tae Kook. I think Tae Kook could use some nurturing in their dynamics like VMin do in theirs- more cuddling, more teasing, more I miss you's. Oh love letters would be great too!

They should just spend more time together and nurture their bond. If they start spending time together it will show in their bond and chemistry.

As beautiful as these tradships are, none of them is a competition for Jikook. Jikook is in a league of it's own. They are an Altship. And there is only one of that in BTS.

Signed,

GOLDY

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nomattertheoceans · 4 years

Note

Speaking of the rain... I really liked the feysand apocalyptic au and i would looove a follow up...i know u said u dont plan on updating it but maybe talk about it a little where you wanted it to go? Or like a time jump further into the future hehe

If not that's fine just thought I'd drop by❤

Ooooooh Nonnie thank you so much for this ask!!! First of all because it made me realize that I never put this fic in my masterlist, so that reminded me to add it there ^^ But also because I loved writing this AU so i’m so glad you’re interested!!!

Indeed, I don’t plan on updating it because it would require actually doing some world-building, and deciding what I want to do with the other characters apart from Rhys and Feyre. I have a lot of original projects in mind (that I also don’t mind talking about, by the way ^^), plus I also plan on finishing Staying Afloat, so I don’t think I would find the time to develop this fic the way I would like to. But it was really fun to write. I’m honestly rather happy with the way the one-shot turned out in any case! I do think it was easier to write for me because one of my most developed originals is a post apocalyptic story, so I’m more familiar with the genre, which made it easier to write than other styles.

Anyway!! I’m gonna put my thoughts under a cut because I have no idea how long it’s going to get hahaha

So the idea I had would be for the two groups (the Archeron sister on one side, Rhys, Cassian and Rhys’ little sister (who would be like, 11 or 12 at the time, also her name is Lyra because it’s what i called her in I made you a promise)) to join and travel together.

For what happens directly after the scene I published, I figured it would be Feyre convincing her sisters to follow Rhys to where his group is hiding. It would be harder to convince Nesta to follow Rhys (I figured she would finally relent because Feyre would be like “I’m going there and if you don’t come you’ll starve to death” ladjflkajlfaj just some sister shit, you know xD), but Elain would be willing to go because in this universe she’s a nurse so she wouldn’t want to imagine a little girl suffering if she could help.

Then they would reach Cassian and Lyra, and what follows would be basically Elain doing some gross medic stuff, a LOT of pain and of crying little girl x) I had this idea in my head of Feyre and Rhys talking, like, she can see he’s distraught so she tries to reassure him by saying something like “your sister is strong. She’ll make it.” and he answers like “she shouldn’t have to be that strong” you know, some classic apocalyptic stuff hahahahaha

So anyway, after this they would all head out to try and get to Velaris together, because of course they would be stronger as a group than separately (plus maybe Lyra would still need medical attention at first) and what follows would be all of them growing closer and Feysand falling in love, as well as Nesta and Feyre starting to have a better relationship, and the sisters growing close to Lyra, too, somehow in a “older sister” kind of way! And obviously, Cassian and Feyre being buddies immediately because their friendship gives me life, okay.

I honestly don’t have a lot of ideas as to what I wanted to do with characters other than Feysand apart from these largely underdeveloped ideas.

The big question I had to and didn’t solve, was whether or not it was true that Velaris was a safe haven. I like both possibilities of this, because both could create tension for the story. So it’s basically Schrödinger's plotpoint lmaoooo is Velaris just a pointless dream? Is it an actual safe haven they can hope to reach? Who knows? I certainly don’t lmao

So anyway, here below I just put all the notes I had for random scenes between Feysand (again, they were the center of the ideas I had so that’s why I have much more for them than any other characters). Those ideas are mostly in chronological order as to when it would have happened in the story. I literally copy-pasted this from my document, so it gives you a pretty clear idea of the complete mess that are my outlines in general ( @staticpetrichor loves my outlines cause they make her laugh lmao they really are a true reflection of the mess going on in my mind at any given time)

They're on the road, one of them is standing guard and the other comes to see them, cliché (but cute so who cares) post-ap dialogue ensues: "you should be sleeping." "I couldn't, so I figured I'd keep you company." Then they talk quietly about their life and what they did before. Feyre tells him about how she loved painting. Maybe she thinks again about how his eyes remind her of the sky (but she doesn’t say anything because we love some good emotional unavailability lmao)

They find a small lake or a river or something and everybody goes in to bathe and have fun, Rhys looks at Feyre stripping down to her t-shirt, bra, panties, and he's like "fuck me up she's so gorgeous” ajldkfjladjlfa he’s so smitten already

This one is a weird idea but lmao I don't care, also this would be an actual problem in a post ap world sooooo I’m valid: Feyre has like the worst bra, it's really old and it's not a sports bra, it's like a classic one that doesn't really fit her anymore (she probably lost like a size because of hunger). And Rhys knows this because she's complained to him a couple of times about her back hurting (big boobs problem lmao can relate). And at one point they're in another city and he finds this sports shop and he finds a sports bar that should fit her, so he gifts it to her. And like at first she's acting as if he's being weird (like she's teasing him about staring at her breasts so much) but really she's glad. And then she's like "okay I'm gonna try it on but don't look" so she does, but then she looks up and watches him, his back turned away, and she's like overwhelmed with feelings (AS YOU ARE) so she tells him to turn around and she's showing off the sports bra, like they tease and flirt and stuff, and they almost kiss then but someone interrupts them lmao

They start having sex at some point, it's like raw and hot like "without feelings" *looks at the camera*, they convince themselves that they don't care about the other that way, and it's just physical. But really it's only because this world is so brutal and dangerous that they're both scared of caring too much and losing the other.

This goes on for a while, they grow closer without realizing it, they're always standing close together and talking at night and touching each other casually. They think they're being very subtle, but really everybody around them know what's going on lmao

Later on, they all settle in an abandoned building for a few days (because Reasons lmao it’s not important I just love this idea) and Rhys spends a lot of time alone and Feyre wonders where he is. And then like the second or third night, Feyre is still awake when Rhys comes in and he's like "follow me, I want to show you something" in a very excited voice, like his leg is fidgeting with anticipation and he looks like a little kid and Feyre smiles, she's really puzzled as to what's going on but she follows him. It turns out he found like a good mattress on their first night when he was exploring, and then he spent the next days cleaning the room and looking for pretty blankets (that one was hard and he's embarrassed that they're all so mismatched), and he lit up some candles. And he's like all embarrassed and blushing because he tells her he doesn't want to assume anything is gonna happen, he just wanted to do something nice for her. But Feyre is like "shut up" and she kisses him and then they make love in the makeshift bed and its romantic as hell. ALSO I need this quote to happen: "When I'm with you I forget to be scared."

#Anonymous #Asks #my writing #anon seriously thank you so much for making me share this ^^#I had a lot of fun rereading these notes so thanks for that!#I hope you'll like it hahaha #I'm sorry my ideas are so messy #I seriously can't outline like a normal person lmao this one isn't even the wildest one hahahaha

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ja-khajay · 4 years

Text

2020-2021 Animation Watch(ed)list

I haven’t posted about animation in a while that I remember, and I know a lot of my followers are into it as much as me so I decided to make a list of the animated movies and series I watched on the past year or so, coupled with my short, spoilerless take on them. Enjoy!

Organized by

Things I saw for the first time

Things I rewatched

Under a cut for the sake of your dashboards! PS: I have not added any images yet. If you are interested in knowing more about the visuals of these movies, I might make an old fashion ask-prompted imageset list.

Part One: Things I saw for the first time

The Bear’s Famous Invasion of Sicily

Movie, 2019, Italian/French

9/10, a delightful little movie with amazing visuals. It feels like an animated picture book.

One of those “plot is in the title” media! I had never heard of this before but was heavily recommended it by my family members, who all loved it! It’s a sweet story, nothing groundbreaking but the unique colorful visual style alone makes it worth it.

The Castle of Cagliostro

Movie, 1979, Japanese

10/10. Reminded me of all the books i loved reading as a child

I assume its because it’s so old and the art style and themes are so different that it gets little to no love compared to other Ghibli movies, which is a shame! It’s fun with an endearing cast and as always, great animation and music

Mushishi

Series, 2006, Japanese

10/10 three episodes in I knew it was going to be my favorite series ever

One of the few things I’ve seen I’ll describe as life-changing. It’s absolutely lovely but never toots its own horn about it. Humble, calming, emotional and surprisingly mature. It’s pretty impossible to binge due to how intense the experience is. I just want to walk in the forest now...

FMA: Brotherhood

Series, 2009, Japanese

6/10 Dissapointing adaptation of a classic story

I read the manga for this when I was in middle school and remembered loving it. The animated version does an ok job of presenting the characters and worldbuilding and has some nice action scenes but overall looks really damn cheap and just. Not very good. Seeing I already knew most of the plot I did not have the element of discovery that made me marvel so much reading the original. It’s still a nice series but I really recommend reading it instead.

Code Lyoko (s1+2)

Series, 2003, french

3/10. 1.5 being for the opening song alone

This show sucks ass if I hadn’t been watching this with my bestie I would have dropped it two episodes in. The art style is ugly the stories are always the same and the first season has a (later removed thank fucking god) LITERAL “erase any consequences” button as a plot device in every episode. If you watch it for one thing let it be the nostalgia factor of early 00s Vidya Game Plot

The Legend of Hei

Movie, 2019, Chinese

7/10. Impressive visuals and a poor story

I finally watched this, peer pressured by the load of gifsets on my dashboard! It’s a sweet movie with really impressive animation, sometimes a bit too flashy for my taste (the action sequences go so ham they become not very readable...) but the story was just ok? The setting is barely explained and you are instead bombarded with vague epicspeech about powers and stuff that made me fondly remember Kingdom Hearts lol but that asides it’s a really good time! I need to watch more Chinese movies the few I know are just delightfully off the shits in how they approach action and I love that

Hunter x Hunter

Series, 1999, Japanese

9/10. Superior to the recent one!

I first got introduced to the series via the 2011 one. Comparatively, the 99 series focuses way less on action and way more on the characters, which I love because that fits my personal preferences! Despite mediocre filler episodes and some weird slight pointless plot changes, what it changes from the original manga doesn’t have much of an impact on the characters. The animation quality isn’t always consistent including a huge art style change for an arc (???) but it’s overall pretty nice. The series really shines in the last arc it adapts.

Oban Star-racers

Series, 2006, Japanese/french

9/10 a lovely surprise

This series is completly obscure despite having been created by people famous for their other series (Cowboy Bebop, Code Lyoko that i can name) and it’s a crime! It’s a kids show but without being stupid about it who tells the story of an inter-planetary race. If you liked that one scene in the star wars prequels you know what I mean. It’s got surprisingly nice animation for a TV series, and some truly great character design. The art style is a bit unique in a not for everyone sense, but I didn’t mind it much. It’s also THE most offensively 2000s series i’ve seen in terms of visuals. y2k kids assemble

The Little Prince and the Eight-Headed Dragon

Movie, 1963, japanese

8/10. Classic fairytale format with incredible visuals

Watched this for the art style because I know it inspired Samurai Jack, and it delievered! I dont’ have much to say about this one, it’s a very simply film but it’s sweet. For my pirates out there if you want to find it in good quality with english subtitles it’s VERY hard to find. If you just want to see the looks of it, it’s on Youtube with portugese subs.

We now enter the Gobelins Shorts Zone....!

My Friend Who Glows In The Dark

10/10 makes me cry each time

Pure delight...great animation writing everything. A little short about death and friendship but not in the way you imagine!

Colza

9/10

Visual treat...homely and nice :) not far from a 10 but a 9 because nothing about it is that groundbreaking

Sundown

9/10

If you’ve ever been ten minutes from failing a group project because of a single dude you will REALLY enjoy this. Loved the colors and personality

T’as vendu mes rollers?

10/10

It’s SUCH a sweet little short I loved that one so much

Dix-huit kilomètres trois

10/10

Surprisingly well written dialog. Visuals are great but the humanity of the characters carries this to another level

Un diable dans la poche

9/10

Amazing visuals and the most tense/creepy of Gobelin shorts i’ve ever seen. Chilling

La bestia

8/10

I had some issues with the pacing. Interesting story and visuals choices but I was not fond of the art style

Goodbye Robin

5/10

Confusing but predictable. Both at once??? Yes!

Le retour des vagues

6/10

Cool animation stuff but felt pretty pointless

***

Part Two: Things I rewatched

Ruben Brandt: Collector

Movie, 2018, Hungarian

10/10. Underrated as hell

Watched this fully blind for the first time in an animated festival and rewatched it with friends. It’s a crime I never see anyone talking about it given the amount of whining I see about the lack of both adult animation and 2D movies? This film is a unique love letter to art in the form of a weird mix of charming crime story and psychological horror with amazing visuals. I recommend watching it blind and also buying it to show appreciation for how nice it is!!! WATCH THIS MOVIE...

Mononoke

Series, 2007, Japanese

10/10 Visual/storytelling masterpiece in the weird shit departement

If you can stomach intense stuff watch this. The visuals are incredibly unique and beautiful and under the jewel tones and art direction high takes it’s a really cool horror series. My only obstacle to enjoying it the first time I saw it was how dense it is - simply put, it’s so...culturally Japanese it’s not very accessible to me who doesn’t know anything about the culture? Watching it for the second time helped understanding the stories more!

Corto Maltese in Siberia

Movie, 2002, french

9/10 but really close to ten. A great adaptation!

I’m a huge fan of the original comic so I entered this a biiiittttt suspicious it would suck but it was a really pleasant surprise! It has all the wonder and charm of the original and the animation was surprisingly good for the little budget. If you’re not familiar with the series, it’s a sort of geopolitical action/adventure movie but with it’s own really poetic vibe to it. It’s almost impossible to find online but happens to be fully on YouTube so go ham I guess?

Redline

Movie, 2009, Japanese

10/10 cinema was invented for this, actually

Every review of this movie i’ve seen gives it five stars and starts by talking about how immensly stupid it is. I’m no different. It’s a masterpiece of escalating energy with the depth of a puddle and it fucking rules. It’s free on YouTube too so there really is no excuse to not watch it. Watched it for the first time on a huge cinema screen and despite this my second rewatch on my small laptop was as/even more enjoyable. If you watch this stoned with friends you might travel to another dimension

Spirited Away

Movie, 2001, Japan

10/10 deserves the love it gets

I watched this a single time as a kid and had little memory of it! I mean it’s Ghibli you know it’s going to be good as hell but this one rly shines in how colorful and detailed it is and in it’s world! It made me remember I had a huge crush on the dragonboy as a kid. I’m gay now

Kung-fu Panda (1&2)

Movie, Usa

10/10. KFP fucking rules

Honestly my favorite franchise of the whole disney/dreamworks/pixar hydra. It’s fun as hell, doesn’t skip a single beat and has amazing animation and character designs. If something is a good time I will not care if it’s deep or not and boy I fucking love these movies

Sinbad, Legend of the Seven Seas

Movie, 2003, Usa

5/10 Some great some really bad and overall generic

I tend to hate american cinema and this includes that era of animation I have no nostalgia for. Sinbad is in a weird place because I love adventure stories and the visuals of the movie absolutely deliver but it’s very predictable and TANKED by the addition of the female character, pushed in your face as “look we have woman!!!” despite her writing being misogynistic as hell lol. The evil goddess rules tho. This movie would have been a solid 9 if instead of the girl the two dudes had kissed

#j #animation #if you want links to these ill provide but not for the indie ones that arent free #i have no remorse p*rating disney or a movie thats over 50 but if its recent and underrated just legally get it!!!

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