#this is so stupid but i have a cute little journal my sister bought me and i cannot. find it

[hippo-pot]

i kinda hate who i am on tumblr too (showing up only to reblog funny posts or vent, nothing else, it's not like i'm exploring a creative side on here) but i Cannot go back to facebook

[sweetsbfreex]

always my valentine.

happy belated valentine’s day guys! thank you for all the love, heres 3.7k words pure fluff.

Summary: on one chill valentine’s day evening you and Harry reminisce the valentine’s day that hold a special place in your hearts. But let’s start where it begins

warnings: fluff, slight angst

Pairing: Husband,Boyfriend!Harry x reader

                                                        xoxo

You were excited, walking down the hallway, your backpacking dragging you down with all the candy bundled in there, and the box of heart shaped cookies your dad volunteered for you to bring. 

Your auntie had picked out a specially themed outfit for this day. Valentine's Day! Dark pink overalls, a lighter pink t-shirt with your all time favorite love story (The Aristocats), and two pretty, sparkly heart shaped pins in your hair. 

“Good Morning Ms. Ash” you grinned up at your teacher by the door, raising the container of bakers cookies above your tiny figure.

“Good Morning!” she replied enthusiastically. “Are these for the party?”

You nodded in reply, descending your arms from how tired they were feeling already. 

“That’s great, why don’t you go ahead and place them on the table next to the whiteboard”

You smiled at her, making your way to the table, responding to an energetic hello from Johnny before making your way to the back of the room to place your coat and backpack on the low placed rack. 

When you had finally taken your place next to your best friend, Samantha. Cheering a hello to the other three students placed in your table. About to look down at the morning warm-up for the day. Fractions. They were easy, but gosh were they annoying. Why does the bottom–– denominator–– have to change so much.

But you caught sight of Harry walking into the classroom, a black and white polka dot jacket covering his outfit for the day, and a red hat covering his hair. 

He waved at you a pretty (but somewhat toothless) smile supporting his greeting. You waved back at him, turning again to the half sheet of paper. 

Once again were interrupted when you felt a gentle, not so gentle tap on your shoulder. 

“Do you want to see what I got Harry?” she asked.

“You got something for a boy?” you were shocked, you loved fairy tales, loved romances, loved when your dad told you old stories of him and your mom before you were born. Your favorite being when she was pregnant with you and he brought her out to the rain, a bouquet of flowers in his hand–– that he had picked up after work. And they had danced in the rain all night long, their songs blasting from his car. 

You guys were 8-9, why was this happening now? Feeling behind. Were we supposed to ask someone to be our valentines. Like in the movies.

“Yea” you were interested that was for sure.

She pulled out a piece of construction paper from inside her desk. It was heart shaped, glitter glued around the edges, a sucker taped to the paper , and the words happy valentine Harry! Also glittered and glued to the paper.

It looked a mess. But you couldn’t tell her that plus it’s the thought that always counts. 

“Wow! So are you guys boyfriend and girlfriend now?”you quiz meekly. 

“No but I hope so after this, we’ll be the second couple after Jolie and Zay” she giggles, pushing the card back in her desk.

Great, what a way to ruin a perfectly good day. But you still were extra excited for the movie, snacks, and candy to be passed around. 

A few moments Ms. Ash had walked in, her coffee cup in hand. 

“Okay guys! First we are going to finish up these warm ups...I’ll give you guys…five minutes, is that good?” she looked around for confirmation, not seeing any objections she continued. “Then thirty- forty minutes before school ends we’ll start the celebration!”. 

*

It was time! After Ms. Ash had read the class Happy Valentine’s Day Mouse! And Llama Llama I Love You (Your favorite) everyone was sent to grab whatever candy to be passed around. 

Now you were all scattered around the room, everyone making their rounds to all the kids passing around sweethearts, lollies, and so many other things. 

Dropping Anthony his ring pop into his brown paper bag while he gave you the pack of conversation hearts. There was a very gentle tap on your elbow, making you turn around to see Harry.

“Oh! Hi Harry!” you were all smiles looking at him, waving politely. 

“Hi, y/n, I have your goodie if you want it?”

“Yes please, here's yours” your head tilted down, digging around for ring pop attached with Harry’s name. 

“Here you go” extending your arms to Harry, gripping the other end of the ring pop packet. 

He extended his arm out to yours, moments later a pretty, store bought heart shaped card in his hand and a small, red box of chocolate Russell Stover chocolates were in your view. 

You grabbed the two items, looking at the card to see ‘Happy Valentines Day Y/N, written in his hand writing. A pretty saying to math the image of two cute kittens at the bottom. ‘You’re the purr-fect friend, Happy Valentine’s.

“I remember you said you liked Aristocats and my mum said you’d really like this one” He informed you. 

Two days before that day, Harry ate dinner with his mother and sister. There he had asked confidently, a fond smile on his face, if he could get a girl he thought was pretty a Valentine’s gift. Then ensued the non-stop teasing from his sister and mum.

“Harry’s first girlfriend” His sister had teased.

“Mum!” he complained back, his fork dropping to his plate.

“Stop it now” She playfully reprimanded His sister, who knew she didn't mean it but for Harry’s sake. Grabbing Harry’s chin soothingly “That’s fine Harry, we can go to the store. Who’s it for anyway?”

“Y/n”

“Mr. Y/l/n daughter?” she had asked, interest piqued. 

“Yep” he replied successively earning an ‘ooh’ from his sister. 

“Thank you so much Harry, it’s really pretty. I’m sorry I only got you that” you pointed to the ring pop, the inner corners of your eyebrows raising. 

“It’s okay! My name is on the little card, so it’s okay” he smiled, reassuring you as he showed you the tiny card attached to the ring pop. 

View solely on Harry you had missed the fuming girl standing perpendicular to the two of you. 

-

“I love that card!” you told Harry, squeezing the hand over your shoulder. 

You were both twenty-five, spending your Twelfth Valentine’s day as a couple, snuggled up on the couch. Unsurprisingly and inevitably you both had made it out–– with a few rocky roads in the way ––together.

“Oh yea? Should’ve seen how my sister kept embarrassing me while we picked it”

“Guess what” you hooked him quietly, looking up at his gaze. 

“What?”

“What if I told you I still have the card you got me” you muse. 

“Wouldn’t believe you, show me”

You raised from your spot on the sofa, grabbing Harry’s hand to follow you upstairs. He sat on the bed watching you rummage through the closet.

“Do you need help?” he asked.

“No, I’m okay thank you” you chirped. 

From there you pulled a painted, wooden storage box. The words Do Not Open are very prominent at all sides of the box. You’ve had this box and two other boxes stacked to the far right of your closet. Everything you’ve ever loved, being stored in here all the way from birth, something your mother had started before you were even born. Harry had never gotten a glance at it, respecting your wishes of Do Not Open. 

You sat next to him, the box placed on your lap, lifting the lid. You looked up at Harry who had averted his gaze from inside the box quickly.

You laughed at the endearment, “It’s okay baby, you can look. Thank you though” leaning up to kiss his jaw.

Last time you checked this box you had left it at the bottom of the box, and that’s exactly where it was as you lifted it up. Fixing the crease of the corner of the stock paper.

“See! Told you” The heart between both of your hands, arms extended and placed so both of you could view it equally. 

When you haven't heard a witty remark from Harry, you look up confused only to have that expression shift in worry. Looking up to see his moss eyes were glazed over and his mouths scrunched and puckered up (his way to keep himself from crying.) 

You sit up on your knees quickly, placing the card in his lap, before bringing his head to your chest, the hand holding the side of his face closer, thumb brushing under his eyes. 

“Oh Harry! Why are you crying?” bringing your head down to level your eyes with his. He turned his head towards your chest even more embarrassed. “You’re so cute, don’t be embarrassed” you laugh kissing the top of his head. 

“Stop” he laughed, shaking his head slightly. “Just means a lot that you kept it for all this time”’ taking hold of the heart in his lap, fingers rubbing the paper softly as he reminisced. 

“Yeah...well after you gave it to me it hung on my dresser's mirror for years how couldn’t I” you assured him, kissing his head once again.

“Can I be honest, my favorite gift is the one I got you in middle school”

-

Freaking rational numbers and their stupid fractions. Stupid seventh grade teachers. What was the point of having all these different categories of numbers in the first place?? Natural, Rational, Real, Integers, or Irrational. What was the point?

You thought this, upset at your latest math grade, while you stuffed your math journal and book into your locker. Slamming the door–– as softly as you could, which wasn’t very soft, but you also didn’t catch the attention of most of the students in the hallway. 

You jumped at the sight of Harry, who had stood behind your locker door.

He reached his hand to your waist to settle you down, which did the opposite of that as you had shivered, goosebumps raising from the contact. Ever the flirt he was. Eyes widening as you took in his dimpled smile and the way on his arms hid behind his back. 

“Sorry didn’t mean to scare you, are you okay?”  he asked, tilting his head to the scene from earlier. 

“It’s fine. I’m fine! Just math and Mr.Quimby’s teaching” you huff.

“I like your outfit, very festive” he complimented, dropping his hand from your waist so both his arms were behind his back. 

“Oh” you smiled meekly, looking down at the heart patterned dress you were sporting, a black cardigan enveloping you, and your red converse on your feet. “Thank you, it’s Valentine’s Day so had to dress accordingly”

“Yeah well you’ve been dressing accordingly since pre school” he joked.

“One of us has to” you laugh off the bad joke, closing your eyes in sheer agony. 

“Glad it’s you then...I actually have a surprise for you”

“Really?” shuffling your feet in anticipation. 

He retracted his arm, a red bag in hand. Sticking out proudly was a rose.

“Go ahead and open it” he urged, of course a confident smile on his face as he pushed his hands into his front pockets. 

The first thing you had pulled out was a box of candy. 

“Thank you” you mumbled, before pulling the last item. 

There was a white box and when you had pulled it from the light, you saw the black printed label of ‘Pandora’ at the top. You looked up at Harry, mouth open, watching his smile grow wider from your reaction. 

“H––”

“Wait before you go on and on, open it”

You were tempted to thrust this back in his hand, not even wanting to know the price of whatever was in the box. But surveying the look on his face you just had to.

Your fingers gripped the lid of the box, lifting it. The first thing you saw was a piece of paper that covered whatever he had gotten from the glamorous store.

‘Be Mine?’

Wow. 

You looked back up at him grinning from ear to ear, your stomach fluttering non-stop after reading those words. 

“Harry!” you wrapped your arms around his neck, bringing him into a bone crushing hug. You felt his hands fist into the back of your cardigan. “Really? How did you even afford this” you asked, pulling away first. 

“Yeah. A looot of saving up. I mean i would’ve asked a while ago, but today seemed like a good day”

“Then yeah” a close lipped smile on your face. 

“Open the box” he smiled back. 

You pushed yourself away from him, opening the box again and removing the paper from the top to see a silver bracelet and a charm to be put on the bracelet laying in black velvet fabric. 

The charm was the cat Marie from the Aristocats.  

“This is so cute H, thank you.”

“Flip it over” he instructed softly

On the back of her head engraved was ‘thx for being my better ½” and today's date. 

“Love the fraction” you commented sarcastically.

“Been complaining about them since elementary school had to put it in...plus i was running out of space.” He let you know, reaching a hand out to hold one of yours. 

“I’m sorry i didn’t get you anything. Do you want a lollipop?” you squinted, face scrunched up in embarrassment. 

“It’s alright. Yeah that’ll be fine” he smiled. 

-

He’s been adding charms and buying you new bracelets every Valentine’s Day ever since that day. The Aristocat charm is always on the newest bracelet. This year it had been a lady bug, claiming with it that you were his luck in life. 

“Really?” you asked surprised. 

“Yeah, it was basically when we made it official...and then got that write up for pda in the hallway”

“Oh my gosh, I hated Mrs. Ambrose” you groaned, your head hanging back dramatically for a slight second. 

“Yeah. Swear she had it out for me and you after that.”

The amount of write ups you and Harry had accumulated from mostly holding hands was unbelievable. He was a physical touch kind of lover, you couldn’t do much about it at that time. 

“Wanna know my favorite?” you asked him. He nodded which prompted you both to a trip down memory lane. 

-

Eleventh Grade.

Click. Click. Click. 

You turned your back away from the window.

Click.

“Y/n” was hollered out.

Ugh, You groaned raising yourself from your bed, stomping to your window.

“You’re late. I’m mad at you. My dad is mad at you.” you hissed your head.

“I know baby, but just come down so I can explain”

You looked down, a stupid puppy dog longing look on his face. God you hated him really bad right now, it wasn't fair. 

“I hate you. You’re lucky my dad is on a date tonight, like i’m supposed to be!” you seethed before retracting yourself from the window, making your way downstairs. 

He could only smile, that cocky son of a––

“Ow” you hissed out lowly, clutching your foot before walking down the stairs carefully.

You opened the door now face to face with your boyfriend, who used his dazzling face to adorn a guilty look on his face. His way to reel you in so you had no choice. His dumb faux pouty lips. 

He reached his hand out to touch your arm until you had pulled away quickly. Shaking your head. “Explanation first”

“Okay. I deserve that, but can we sit?” he asked, shuffling to the side so you could the blanket that lay on your lawn. Fake candles surrounding the perimeter. And on the blanket was a bouquet of roses, candy, your favorite meal, a bluetooth speaker, cupcakes, and a red gift bag (attached to that was a balloon of a puppy that held a heart between it’s paws.)

You tried really hard to suppress the smile that wanted to show your appreciation for the thoughtful gesture. And succeeded as you followed Harry who had taken his place on the blanket, before taking off his shoes, holding out his hand for you to help support yourself downwards. Which you had ignored, still a bit displeased.

You looked around a bit before looking up at Harry, eyebrow quirked.

“Well…”

From there he had let you know that he was up all last night finishing something for you and had let time get away from him before his mum walked in wondering why he was still here. Then he realized his phone died, so he had to wait for it to power up in his car while driving to the local store to get anything else he needed, since he had made the two of you miss the reservations for tonight. “Fucking left my phone in the car”. To which it died again causing him to be with what is now. 

“I’m really sorry y/n, ‘know I wouldn’t pull an asshole move like that on purpose”

“I know...Still it was embarrassing, you’re supposed to be the punctual one”

He laughed at that, testing the waters as he glided his hands towards your carefully. And when you hadn’t pulled back he carefully intertwined both of your hands together raising it up to kiss your knuckles. 

“Pajamas are cute, Sucks i missed your Valentine's Day outfit, was really looking forward to it” he let you know. 

You heated up as you looked over the set you were wearing. The pant and long sleeve set both were identical, red as the background and white hearts scattered all over the place. 

“Guess you’ll never know, hm?” you hummed.

His stare was intense, not letting the eye contact break for a moment. No. Your hand collided with his face softly as you stopped his face from leaning in. Your palm meeting his mouth, before pushing it away gently. 

“Nope” you reprimanded him. 

“C’mon” he groaned. “Not even a kiss, I thought you weren’t mad anymore” he asked, his hand reaching up to clasp your wrist, which he had brought down slowly. Letting it lay flat in his lap between his palms.The sound of your bracelet clinking together supporting the sound of the other night creatures. 

“I’m gonna go get your gift, then maybe we’ll see if you deserve a kiss” standing abruptly, as you made your way into your home quickly. Hearing the soft muttering of Harry’s complaint of “girls”.

In a moment whirl, you were now sitting a bit closer to Harry. His gift bag in your lap. 

“I want to go first, since you always go first” you extended your hand towards him and he grabbed it but not before quickly kissing your cheek, as a result–– just to mess with him–– you wiped your cheek, sticking your tongue playing it off as if it was disgusting.  

“You love it. Stop” he chuckled pinching your cheek.

“Just open it” you groaned.

“Am I ever this pushy with you?” he asked rhetorically. “Thought so”

He finally opened the bag, reading the sweet card you had written for him. You watched his smile grow as his eyes shifted from word to word. 

Then looked through it again, pulling out a small string back, pulling it apart to see a pink guitar pick engraved on one of the sides being, ‘thanks for being my significant ½ -y/initial“ and the date you both had made it official.

“Thank you teenie, I’ll use it every time I play” he pulled you in by his arms around your shoulder, kissing your cheek incessentantly. 

“That god awful nickname” you complained. “But i’m glad you liked it”

“Yours” he said, placing a bag in your lap. 

You opened it, seeing the very familiar box. Opening it eagerly you saw laying in the box, a charm with a bow at the top. He knew your new obsession with baking and of course he had nailed it yet again.

“The bottom” he answered the question that he knew was floating through your head. 

And there it was the engraving you were looking for. 

‘xoxo -h’ and today’s date. 

“There’s also one more thing he told you” twisting his body, you watched his shoulders and arms move and the sound of a zipper. 

His guitar was now clutched in his lap, using one hand to wrap the strap around his neck.

Then he started strumming a beautiful tune and sang a song you had never heard. It was beautiful and when you had realized the correlations within the 

“Harry...Oh my gosh” you squealed, launching yourself at him, feeling one of his arms wrap around your waist quickly. A deep chuckle emitting from his mouth. 

“You wrote this––” having to stop mid sentence, your throat feeling cramped as tears kept coming non stop. 

“I wrote it for you, yeah. It’s why i was so late, was putting finishing touches on it all day yesterday”

“You’re amazing, you know that?” you asked him, his dimpled cheeks between your palms. 

“Yeah...I guess so” he said nonchalantly, rolling his eyes, and shrugging one shoulder.

You giggled at his action, tilting his head up so you could kiss him lovingly. 

“Got my kiss” he teased. 

“Well you deserve it” you rolled your eyes kissing him once again.

-

As you both got older and started spending nights together, he had always sung you your song by your request. You loved it so much that he surprised you with it on your wedding night. Booking a private session at the best studio he recorded the song just for you, so you both were able to dance it as your first dance as husband and wife. Now you were able to listen to it whenever you wanted. 

He was always the best gift giver between the two of you. You still spent all these years trying to top him. 

“The song? Really?” he assented, eyes a bit wide. 

“Yeah” you chuckled softly, “It’s the sweetest anyone has done for me, how could I not?”

“Can’t argue that can i?” “Nope...Happy V-day H”

“Happy lover Day teenie, thanks for always being mine” he smiled up at you, his pupils and yours dilating a bit at the exaltation. The dopamine so overloaded, you wondered if it was even possible. He brought you to sit in his lap carefully. A passionate kiss to your lips, transferring the love he felt for you in that one kiss. Years and years of love that hadn’t and would never fizzle out. Not on his watch and especially not on yours.

– – – –

ahh i loved this soo much, if you enjoyed pls don’t forget to reblog or give feedback if ur up to it <3

[sisterspooky1013]

As Ethan Sees It

Author:SisterSpooky1013

Rating: Mature

Words: 3698

Read it on AO3 Here

Tagging @today-in-fic

The first thing I’d noticed about her was how self-assured she was, particularly in contrast to her diminutive stature. I’d been grabbing lunch at a local deli between classes and some high school kids were picking on a third boy who may have been a classmate. Everyone in line was just ignoring it, looking away, when this tiny redhead steps out of line and walks up to the tallest, bulkiest guy in the group and tells him to fuck off, in so many words. She barely reached his shoulder and was probably 100lbs soaking wet, but she had no problem standing up for the little guy. After I picked up my order, I noticed her sitting alone at a table near the window and asked if I could join her. She was hesitant, but agreed and listened politely while I told her how impressed I was by her bravado with those kids. That’s when I noticed the second thing about her; her incredible smile. It was like the first burst of sunlight over the horizon in the morning, blinding in its beauty. I introduced myself and learned that her name was Dana, and she had just moved to DC to accept a job with the FBI. We talked for so long I missed my class, but I didn’t care. I was fascinated by her. Aside from being strikingly beautiful with rich auburn hair and porcelain skin, her blue eyes some intoxicating shade of blue I had never seen before, she was also wickedly smart. She seemed to know about everything, any topic that came up she could speak to, and I learned more during that 90 minute conversation than I probably would have if I’d made it to class. She was a doctor, and a scientist, and even the way her voice sounded was enchanting to me, the S’s softly sibilant as they poured from her pouty pink lips. She had realized the time and stood suddenly to leave, and I was so flustered by our impromptu date ending so abruptly that I stupidly forgot to get her phone number. The sinking feeling in my gut when I realized this fact, right about the time her cab disappeared into a sea of other cabs, still ranks as one of the worst moments of my life.

I thought about her every single day for two weeks. I talked about her every single day for two weeks, until my roommates begged me to either figure out a way to get in touch with her, or shut the hell up. All I knew about her was her first name, that she had recently graduated from Stanford, and that she works at the FBI. First I tried calling the FBI and asking for Dana, but they had more than one Dana who worked there and were unwilling to let me try them one by one. Next I contacted Stanford and was able to have a list of the last two classes of graduates faxed to me. Thankfully, there was only one Dana on that list; Dana Scully. I called back to FBI headquarters and asked for Dana Scully, and the next thing I knew she was on the line, her sing-song voice saying “This is Dana Scully.” My mouth went dry, I forgot how to speak, how to breathe.

“Uh, um, hi, hello.”

“…Who is this?” Her tone was the one I’d heard her use with the high school bullies

“Uh, this is Ethan? From the deli, a couple weeks ago?”

“Ethan from the deli? The guy who’s getting his masters in journalism?”

“Yep, that’s the one.”

“Oh! Hi! How…how did you get this number?”

“Well, I hope this isn’t too weird but I forgot to ask for your number and I remembered you said you worked at the FBI, so I kind of tracked you down.”

“Oh. That’s kind of sweet.”

I let out huge breath of relief.

“I’d really like to see you again, if you’re interested. It’s alright if not, I just couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t at least ask.”

She was quiet for a moment but he had a feeling she was smiling.

“I’d love to, Ethan. Do you have something to write with? I’ll give you my number.”

**********************************

The first real date we had, I took her to a fancy Italian place that my buddies said was sufficiently romantic. She let me pick her up at her apartment in Georgetown and when she answered the door, I nearly passed out. She had on a strapless blue cocktail dress and tall black heels, her hair down and soft around her face. Her lips were red and plump and I wanted to kiss her right then, but I knew it was too soon. I held doors for her and watched closely for her reaction, unsure if she was the kind of woman who found chivalry insulting, but she seemed to appreciate it. She was so petite and delicate, like a beautiful bird, but also had this incredible air of confidence that made her so captivating. I was careful not to outright stare at her, so I didn’t make her uncomfortable. She told me more about herself as we ate, what she had studied in school and the things she was doing now at the FBI academy, working in forensics. She asked me about my school and my plans for after graduation, and she really listened when I talked, asking thoughtful questions and wanting to learn more about journalism and broadcasting, so eager to know as much as possible about everything she could. I told some stupid joke, and she laughed, and I think that’s when I fell in love with her. That laugh worked its way into my bones, vibrated in my blood stream and sent a shiver down my spine. I had to imagine that the only reason she was single was that she was so new to the area, because a woman like this was never single for long. I didn’t want the night to end, so I asked her out to drinks afterward and to my delighted surprise she suggested that we have them back at her place. I didn’t want to assume anything, so I didn’t make a move, just talked with her more on her sofa, learned about her family and her childhood as an army brat, her love of reading and bubble baths, her fondness for children and animals. When she leaned in and kissed me, I thought that I may be hallucinating. Maybe I was having an intensely long, lucid dream. How did someone like Dana Scully cross my path of all the places on earth she might have been, and how did I have the nerve to approach her, and how was she interested in me, and how was it possible that right then she had her tongue in my mouth on her sofa?

We didn’t have sex that first night, but it wasn’t too long before we did. And it wasn’t too long after that that we decided to be exclusive, and 6 months later that I told her that I loved her. Two weeks after that, she said it back, and for two years, we were happy. It’s typically the case that when you’re newly in love with someone you have that divine infatuation that makes you see everything about them as perfect, but over time it wears off and the things that were once cute become annoying. That never happened with Dana. I was obsessed with her, everything she did was the most incredible thing a human could accomplish or be. Aside from the megawatt smile and musical laugh, she had this sweet little beauty mark on her lip that I loved to kiss. She was witty and skilled at debate, and we’d spend evenings arguing over something like the moon landing conspiracy before fucking like animals over the back of the couch. And the sex. Oh my god the sex. She was an absolute vixen in the way she played, teased, and ultimately delivered on every promise she made, and she would smile in this self-satisfied way when she came, looking me right in the eye like she’d tricked me out of my last dollar. She could be dominant, or dismissive, sometimes one then the other in the same night. She could be anything and everything, and she was.

I loved to hear her talk about her work and new assignments she was getting, and I was so proud of her and her goals and dreams. I wanted to be right beside her as she climbed the ranks at the bureau, and knew that she would be anything she set her mind to. She was equally supportive of me as I graduated and then worked my way up at a local broadcasting company with dreams of being a news anchor. She made me feel important and worthy, showed interest in the things that I cared about and was so loyal to me that she cussed out one of my friends for making jokes at my expense. We never moved in together technically (her choice) but we slept together at one or the other’s apartment every night, rented a movie every Friday, had dinner with her parents every Sunday. Her sister, who she was close to, seemed to like me okay, and her friend Ellen confided in me that she thought I should propose soon, that Dana was ready for that step. I picked out a ring, a slender gold band with a princess cut solitaire, only half a karat because I knew she didn’t like to be flashy, and hid it in my sock drawer. Our anniversary was coming up on March 23 and I decided to do it then, which was a little ways away, but I wanted it to be perfect.

For her birthday, I took her out to dinner and she had exciting news to share. She’d been offered an assignment with an obscure unit at the FBI, requested specifically by Section Chief Blevins for her background as a scientist. I didn’t fully understand what the unit did or why they’d want Dana for it, but it was something about unsolved mysteries, by the sound of it. She was so happy and felt like this was a great sign, her big break, the fact that Blevins even knew she existed and wanted her on this team was an indication of the reputation she was building for herself there. I bought a bottle of champagne, told her how proud I was and that I couldn’t wait to hear more about it. She let me know there would be travel, it was a field agent role, and that she’d be on the road sometimes. As much as I didn’t look forward to being away from her, I couldn’t help but share her excitement at this new step in her career. That night we had the most incredible birthday/promotion sex you could imagine. I made her come three times before she finally tapped out and told me how much she loved me, and how excited she was for the rest of our lives together, how much she appreciated that I understood that her career was important, and that I supported her. If we would have been at my place, I would have grabbed the ring and proposed to her right then, but we were at hers. So I just kissed her and told her that I was the luckiest man on earth because I had the opportunity to be her partner in life.

The first day of her new assignment, she was nervous. She’d heard some stories about the agent she was going to be working with, her partner, a guy named Mulder. He sounded like somewhat of an oddball, and a ladies man to boot. I made a joke about him staying away from my woman and she rolled her eyes, had me help her choose between the plaid suit or the maroon one, kissed me goodbye and told me that she loved me and I didn’t need to worry about this or any other male agent, or male person for that matter, stealing her away. That afternoon at the station I got a message from her saying that she had to fly out to Oregon for a case they were investigating, which caught me by surprise. She had said she’d be on the road, but I didn’t expect it to happen that fast. I heard from her only once in the three days she was gone, and when she came back, she was different.

It’s hard to explain in what way she changed. She was distracted, spacey, staring into nothing when we watched TV in the evening, not really listening to what I was saying when I told her about my day. She told me a little bit about the work she was doing, but she was suddenly guarded and defensive about what she did all day, most of her sentences starting with “Mulder says...” The phone would ring at odd times, she worked late or was out of town almost constantly. I felt her slipping away. I did all I could to make things easy for her when she was home. I did all the cleaning, all her laundry. I cooked her dinner each night, though half the time she would say that she had already eaten with Mulder. She didn’t seem as interested in kissing or sex, but she would let me go down on her and I did, every night, trying to hold on to her attention and her affection with my tongue on her clit. I tried to talk to her, to ask her what was wrong, if I should be doing anything differently, and she’d say “no, of course not. Everything’s fine, I’m just tired.”

Then it was our anniversary, and I made a reservation at the same place we’d gone to that very first time. I picked up flowers for her, dahlias which I knew she loved. I went by her apartment at the agreed upon time, but she didn’t answer the door. I used my key to enter and it was quiet and cold, no sign she’d been there anytime recently. I called her office at work and Mulder answered, said she was up at Quantico performing an autopsy and could he take a message. I just hung up the phone. I went to bed at her place, and when she finally crawled in at 3am she was startled to find me there. The way she looked at me made me feel like she’d forgotten I existed, and I didn’t even bother to remind her that it was our anniversary. I decided to start fresh the next morning, with a new plan. Maybe I was being too demanding, expecting too much. Maybe this Mulder was difficult to work with and she didn’t want to bother me with horror stories. I would just have to be the most supportive, accommodating, wonderful boyfriend possible, and we could come through this together. When I woke up, she was still snoring softly beside me. I slipped my head under the covers and pushed her legs open gently, sliding her nightgown up over her hips. She stirred and moaned as I pressed my lips to her clit, kissing her there before beginning to lap at her labia, two fingers sliding inside just how she liked it. She responded readily, flexing her hips and pushing her hands into my hair, and I flipped the blankets off my head so I could see her face. I loved the way she liked to watch me, to hold my eye as she went over the edge, so intensely intimate. To my disappointment, her eyes were closed, head back against the pillow. When she came, she didn’t look at me, didn’t say anything. I crawled back up to lie beside her and when her eyes met mine they were so full of sadness it sent me into a panic.

“Dana, what’s wrong?” I implored, seeing tears welling under her blue irises.

She shook her head and scooted up so that she was sitting with her back against the headboard.

“Ethan-“ her voice caught under a sob that she quickly swallowed down.

My stomach dropped. No, this can not be happening.

“Ethan” she began again. “I care about you so much.” Tears were falling now, trailing down her alabaster cheeks and dripping off of her angular chin. “I just don’t think I can give you what you need right now.”

My mind was racing, I looked around the room like there might be something, or someone, who could help me.

“I think it might be best if we took a break for a bit. Took some space from each other.”

I sat up on my knees and grabbed her arm, suddenly regretful that I had chosen to sleep naked.

“Dana, what are you talking about? We don’t need space. I don’t need space from you!”

She closed her eyes. “Ethan, it’s not fair to you. I can’t be available to you right now. My new assignment, I’m just so busy-“

“No, it’s okay, Dana. I know you work more now but I don’t mind, I’ll always be here when you come home. I support you, I support your work, you know that.”

Pulling her arm from my grasp, she stood and went to her dresser. Pulled on panties and then jeans before stripping off her nightgown and putting on a bra and sweater. “Ethan. Please don’t make this harder than it needs to be. It’s just not a good time for me, right now.”

“Is it that Mulder guy? Is he making moves on you?” I hated how desperate my voice sounded.

“No, Ethan. This has nothing to do with Mulder, he’s been nothing but professional. This is about me, and what I need right now. What I’m capable of. And I’m just not in a good place for a relationship, I’m sorry. I need some time.”

She was standing near her bedroom door, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed. She was ready to walk out.

“How much time? How much time do you need?”

She looked at the floor and whispered “I don’t know.”

I slid off the bed and went to her, dropped to my knees on the floor, wrapping my arms around her hips as I pressed the side of my head into her belly.

“Please don’t do this. We can work through it. I love you, I love you so much. I’ll do whatever you need, just tell me.” The humiliation of begging on my knees while nude makes my skin crawl to this day.

She put her hand on my head, petting my hair as she often did. I felt hot tears drip from her eyes and fall against my scalp. “What I need is for you to let me go” she finally said, and she sounded very sad but also very resolute.

“I’m going to go to my mothers for the day, and I’d like you to pack up the things you have here. You can leave your key on the table. I’ll call you soon, to see how you’re doing, okay?”

“Dana, no, I won’t let you go. Please let me try to make this better.” I clung to her like a child, physically keeping her from leaving me. She crouched down and kneeled in front of me, taking my face in her hands. She kissed me softly on the lips, once.

“You have been a wonderful boyfriend, Ethan. You have loved me so well. I don’t want you to think that this is your fault, okay? You are the best. I just can’t be with someone right now. I know you’ll be okay.”

She stood and walked out of her apartment, pausing once at the door to look back at me, naked and destroyed on the floor in her bedroom doorway, and then she was gone.

She didn’t call me, not in a day or a week or a month. She deleted me from her life like a file she no longer needed. I didn’t know how to explain to my friends what had happened, because I didn’t really know myself. I thought about her every day, ate at restaurants around her work and apartment hoping to catch sight of her, so we could chance a meeting and maybe she’d be willing to talk. When I finally did see her, it was at a sandwich shop a few blocks from the Hoover building. She walked in looking like…well an FBI agent. Now in a black, tailored skirt suit that fit her perfectly, her hair cut shorter and more styled, her heels tall and her posture confident. A man was with her, and my stomach turned at his hand on her back, the familiar way they stood close as they waited in line. He was remarkably tall with dark features, handsome in a kind of mysterious way. I wondered if that was Mulder, assumed that it was. They sat down and I watched her face, the intensity in her eyes and the curl at her lip, recognized the way her features danced as she talked about something she found interesting, the rapturous way she listened while her male counterpart spoke. I remembered when she used to look at me that way. She must have felt my eyes on her because she looked at me suddenly, registering surprise and then sadness, offering me a tiny wave as the man turned to see who she was looking at. I gathered the rest of my sandwich and chucked it in the trash can as I stalked out, suddenly having lost my appetite. I wanted to hate her, to be angry at her betrayal, her abandonment. I wanted to hate him, for taking her from me. All I could muster was the same hallow acceptance that I had my chance, and somehow let it slip away. I just hope that he appreciates her smile as much as I do.

[nc7dr3am]

LILY’s RELTIONSHIPS WITH THE DREAMIES

MARKLY:

so their ship name is just his full name LMAO

they love it

so yknow how dream clowns mark?

obviously she does too

but she’s more gentle and has a TON of respect for mark

“minhyung oppa is extremely hardworking ... he’s always working to be his absolute best and he is so kind and down to earth”

they’re actually a really soft duo

because like. mark is truly her big brother

he cares for her a lot and helped her so much during her debut

he helps her practice her dancing (even after he left dream)

because she trusts him a lot and he know the exact way to help her

but yeah she still clowns him

calls him old man all of the time

but she was full on SOBBING at their last concert with mark

like she had to move her mic because it was so bad

mark isn’t too big on the pda but when they’re together he always lets his baby sister give him so many hugs

when sm told them that mark was coming back and they were a fixed unit ... god she cried a lot then too

she was so happy

“lily is actually so sweet guys. like, she’s so genuine. she cares a lot for all of us and she’s also so intelligent? she’s always reading” - mark when asked about her on vlive

he’s trying to teach her guitar but the only instrument she formally knows is violin

her skill with the bass is self taught and she doesn’t know actual notes so she applies that to guitar and mark is trying to ACTUALLY teach her

mark also understands her well because they were both raised in the west

she expresses herself better in english and mark is always there to understand and listen

they’re just actual siblings and love each other so much

LILJUN:

firstly

lily makes renjun look a lot taller

she doesn’t ever make fun of his height and gets mad at the other dreamies when they do

she clowns his voice crack tho HAH

lowkey the savage duo

lily is more secretly savage though

renjun is the one allowed in her room the most

he works on his art and she reads or writes or practices violin

they have a lot of quiet moments

but they also get silly together

so lily doesn’t think about the universe deeply because she lowkey thinks it’s a waste of her time

like .. she’ll never know and she’s fine with that so why dwell on it

HOWEVER she really believes in aliens and she and renjun legit have sat for hours looking online ab alien shit

they’re also both so smart

and she’s always talking about how much she admires renjun’s brain

stans his vocal talent. like. she’s loud about it

fans love this duo a lot nd they have a lot of romantic shippers

even tho .. they have never liked each other that way LMAO

at the airport she links arms with him a lot and they look like they’re gossiping hhhhh

when the dreamies are being too much they just look at each other and fans love that shit

also they’re both arguably the scariest members

renjun because... duh y’all know him

but lily doesn’t get annoyed often. when she does... there’s hell to pay and she has a good punch

“renjun oppa is so good at korean! i’m actually korean and he speaks it better than i do!”

“that’s because i’m smarter than you”

“do you want to die?”

basically just a really close pair! they’re always there for each other 🥺

JENLY:

she openly says that jeno is the cutest member

“he’s the most adorable person ever! his eyesmile is too cute”

the way she laughed when jeno ripped his shirt off-

she clowned him for DAYS

every time she was wearing a jacket or cardigan she ripped it off and mocked him

also whenever she’s drinking something around him she recreates his milk cf

also!!! she thinks jeno is so funny

she loves him and his humor

she and jeno have a really really deep bond.

he saw her journal (refer to my post about her room) and he’ll take what he read to the grave

he checks in on her a lot because he knows when she’s hurting

when they were trainees she was struck by how kind he was to her

and they were stuck together ever since

lily hasn’t ever been mad at him ONCE

they’re arguably the softest duo

they have a lot of romantic shippers too but

again

it’s a no

she’s a big nomin shipper too like unironically she thinks there’s something there

she always hypes his vocals!! he doesn’t get to sing enough >:(

he’s also her biggest cheerleader and when she cries and gets upset about her dancing he always pulls her aside and consoles her 🥺

he helps her with writing songs too!

wholesome beautiful friendship

they go out to eat a lot

jeno also helps her paint her nails LMAO

and they ride bikes together a lot

can’t commit to working out with him though because it’s way too much for her to do all that

lily also bakes a lot. and jeno appreciates that. a LOT

they’re best friends. she even bought them stupid girly heart bracelets that connect together LMAO

JIHYUCK:

so much affection!!!!

she is such a hyuck stan

“haechannie is my bias!!”

always calls him fullsun (in english)

number one hyuck skin enthusiast!! she thinks he’s gorgeous and glows brighter than all of them

also she loves his singing and thinks his vocal tone is so unique

always laughs at his jokes and finds him hilarious

he doesn’t prank her as much as the others because he’s actually so sweet to her

he’s used to having a younger sister and thinks of lily as his little sister

they constantly text and facetime a lot since they live in different dorms

she’s lowkey whipped for him and he’s whipped for her

not in a romantic way tho!

another member who always eats her baking

they learn girl group dances together

now we all know damn well that hyuck is the sweetest boy and so full of love

but we also know he annoys the shit out of the members

jimin is NO exception

he pokes fun at her and mocks her all the time

so she slaps him in the back of the head LMAOO

when does she actually get mad tho? when he shows up at the dorms and enters her room without permission

cue her chasing him around the dorms with murder in her eyes

yknow the vine where it’s like

“let me see what you have?”

“a KNIFE”

“NO”

that’s the other guys making sure hyuck doesn’t get brutally murdered

because lily can pack a punch

all in all though, they’re a great duo and they’re always so proud of each other

JAEJIMIN:

okay jaemin babies the FUCK outta her

he always takes care of her and talks to her about her concerns and vice versa

he was so happy for her when she debuted and was sad he couldn’t be there for it

she visited him all the time when he was gone

and she was heartbroken that he wasn’t with dream

she is a BIG 8dream stan because they are a family

but yeah fans can’t even ship them romantically because they know lily is his lil baby

she helps him with his english

and he always compliments her singing and dancing

proud of her songwriting

so much affection

even tho she hates when he pinches her cheeks n calls her cute

when he came back during go she was overjoyed

“go is our special era! we were all reunited~~”

he always wanted a sister and now he has one <3

she drinks a lot of coffee but not as much as him and was so worried about his health

they’re the biggest flirts w czennies

you’ll always find them with their arms linked in the airport

and everywhere really

during empathy era she was always hugging jaemin’s side

they also do a lot of lives together!!

such cute bffs

she is a big nomin stan like i said

name twins and they always tell everyone that they’re actual siblings

jaemin’s mom is so fond of her and treats her like her own daughter

HE REALLY TRIES TO GIVE HER FASHION ADVICE AND GIVE INPUT ON HOW HER HAIR SHOULD LOOK FOR COMEBACKS

they’re really true siblings and best friends 🥺

LILLE:

THESE MFS ARE BEST FRIENDS

01’ liners and so similar in ages but he ALWAYS brings up that he’s older

they compete over a lot

literally everything is a competition

she’s at her most childish with him

they also make lots of bets and she usually wins

clowns him for those predebut pics LOL

SHE ALWAYS SEND THEM IN THE GC AND EVEN POSTS THEM ON BUBBLE N SHIT HAHA

they can be really soft but will never admit it even if they are caught on camera

they’re pretty calm if they’re cooking together

he is Banned™️ from her room and she won’t budge at all

“chenle isn’t allowed in my room because he will disturb my peace”

remember on that one ep of weekly idol where chenle was SCREAMING while they did aegyo

yeah it’s louder when lily does aegyo

u didn’t hear it from me but her aegyo is SO cute it’s not as cringey as the others

but chenle hates it because she’s cute and he wants to clown her but he CANT

really proud of each other. super proud of each other

chenle has sat with her as she’s cried a lot. and comforted her. and it always stays between them.

she’s always there for him too

a LOT of fans have suspected that there’s something there

his mom loves her so much!!!!!

when she and jisung went to his house they were BAFFLED and impressed

“something bothers me a lot. one day, chenle woke up and looked grown up. he used to have chubby cheeks and looked like a kid and now he looks like an adult and has such defined cheekbones. it’s so strange”

when they became adults they got SHITFACED DRUNK

they definitely don’t say it a lot and when they do it’s in private (even tho everyone knows)

but they really love each other 🥺

LILJI:

jisung and lily is

p o p u l a r

with fans

because fans put together the pieces that jisung had a crush on lily during debut

lily thought it was sweet because jisung was always so cute and young

she saw him as a little kid

they used to not have MANY interactions

she always laughs when jisung is bein funny

and is in AWE of his dancing

he always assures her when she gets upset about her dancing

lilchenji is an ICONIC friendship

they watch a lot of movies together

she’s been on chenjis this and that a few times

remember that live when nomin got all in each other’s faces while chenji just froze and looked at them and then looked at the camera and looked real shocked

she was there and the three of them were like 😶

so yeah when jisung started getting really tall lily was real confused

and then somehow

during go and we go up

jisung started looking different. like. more grown up

and he had more confidence and talked to her more

and lily was like 😳😳

but spoilers so i won’t go too deep into that

they’re really good friends these days tho

the fans LOVE THEM it’s such a popular ship

at the dream shows when they sing bye my first

the song that lily famously LOVES

yknow that one line jisung has where the music goes quiet and he goes

“na geuttaeneun cham eoryeosseo”

blessed line it was beautiful

anyway at the dream show jisung would hold the mic to lily and have her sing the line or they’d duet it

and their eye contact!!!! and lily’s SMILE IS SO BRIGHT

stars in their eyes

um anyway!! they’re great friends nd very shippable for. reasons!

author’s note! i’m also a ‘01 liner! so don’t think it’s weird if i’m writing a jisung romance LMAO or who knows if it’ll be jisung? 👀👀

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #324

“i'll sharpen my knife upon the stone made from the ruin of a dead god's throne  /  listen to these words as my seeds are sown: it's time to amputate the infected zone”

What is the last game you played on your phone? Pokemon GO. Do you give people personalized ringtones? No. Does your phone screen have any cracks? No. What makeup products are you wearing, if any? None. How would you describe your skin tone? Very pale. Do you have your full birth name on Facebook? Yes. What is your least favorite fruit? Probably cherries. How often do you walk around barefoot? Whenever I'm in my house or another person's who prefers shoes off inside. Would you need to sleep with someone before considering marrying them? Nah. Do you think people look up to you? No. How often do you have trouble sleeping at night? Every night. Do you ever rehearse conversations before you have them? YEP. In my head, at least. Can you name five current world leaders? No, haha... When taking a cab, do you talk to the driver? Cabs aren't really a thing here. I've never been in one. Do you always read the book before you see a movie based on a book? No. What is your favorite urban legend? The Jersey Devil. Mothman is dope and super creepy, too. I love cryptids, period. Are you an elitist (even a little bit) when it comes to anything? What? No, because I hate people like that so much. What type of fabric is most comfortable for clothing? I dunno, I don't pay attention to this. If you wear one – bras with or without a wire? With, so long as they're not poking out and stabbing you... If you wear one – are you able to find cute bras in your size? Definitely not. What length do you like your shorts to be? You'd have to pay me some big bucks to see me in shorts, period. Have you ever cut off jeans or other pants and made them into shorts? No. Have you cut the sleeves out of T-shirts to make tank tops? I don't think so, no. What was the last disappointing movie you saw? *shrug* What was the last disappointing book you read? Even bigger *shrug*. Do you ever watch compilation videos? Of what? Rarely, but if I do, they're generally old Vines and stuff. What was the last thing you rolled your eyes about? Probably something stupid on Facebook. Do you like Hellboy? If so, do you prefer the old movies or the new one? I have no thoughts on this. Favorite Disney character who isn’t royalty? Dory! Do you have a lot of people whom you don’t talk to all the time or see all the time, but still consider to be your friends? Yeah, like friends from high school and online childhood ones. Do you typically do your make up the same each time? Or do you like to change it up often? It's just about always the same. Do you enjoy making surveys as well as taking them or do you just prefer to copy, paste, fill out, post? The latter. I don't make surveys. Have you got a significant other? How are things between the two of you? If not, what was your most meaningful/long term relationship and how did that come to an end? I don't. My longest and deepest relationship was with Jason, and he ended it when my depression became too much for him to handle. Have you spent much time in a vehicle lately? What for and where have you gone most this past month? No. I've barely left the house lately for obvious reasons. Has it rained yet this year where you live? How about hailed? It's been raining like crazy lately. A few mornings ago, it also hailed very heavily for a few minutes. What is your favorite thing about Mac computers? I like the sleek, clean look of them. What is your favorite thing about PCs? They have more power for playing games. What are some errands you need to run soon? None. Well, we have a Wal-Mart order to pick up I think tomorrow, and I'll probably ride with Mom. What color was your high school graduation gown? Red. It was between that and navy, and I was really hoping for the latter, but it lost the vote. The red was so obnoxious. How many graduation gowns have you worn? One. Are your parents’ dreams for your life different than your own? I don't think they have their own specific "dreams" for my life. They both want me to create my own future that makes me happy. Have your dreams for your life changed? Definitely, over all the years. Would you ever want to learn sign language? Not especially, but it'd be cool I suppose. What’s the last thing you had for dinner? Chicken tenders, I think? Or was that the night before? Have you ever performed a solo dance in front of a crowd? No, but I almost did. At my old dance studio, the high school seniors had the option to a solo, and I was working on one to "Coma White" by Marilyn Manson, because it was and still is a song I really feel in regards to my mental health and many medications I "have" to be on. I was doing fine, but I stopped when I realized I just really was too nervous as a dance competition approached. Have you ever sung a solo? No. What was the last job you had? Deli worker. For two hours. What was your first job? Sales associate at GameStop. Who was/were your favorite coworker(s)? I never really had one. At what age did you start experiencing sexual attraction, if any? I don't know. Probably my freshman year of high school is when my levels of attraction to people reached a sexual and not just romantic level. Have you ever split open a rock with a hammer, to see a geode inside? UGH no, but I so wanna find one of those one day. What states have you lived in? Only North Carolina. S.O.S., get me outta here. What is your favorite thing about the month in which it is now? You start to see some flowers blooming. Who were your best friends in high school? I had a decent group of close friends, but I was closest to Hannia. I wish I still had contact with her. ^Are they still your best friends now? No. She deleted me off Facebook at some point. Do you live near the mountains? No; they're on the western end of the state, and I live on the opposite side. Do you live near a beach? It's about two hours away. What is your favorite beach that you’ve been to? I don't have a fave. Do you collect seashells? Nah, but I like picking them up and looking at them. My sisters and I used to collect them, though. We have a plastic container of them somewhere. If you were to start a new collection, what would it be? I desperately want a cornucopia of Markiplier merch, sobs. Is there a certain place or store you especially hate going to? I don't like going to most stores, really. I'm an online shopper. When was the last time you made plans with someone? October of last year. How long do leftovers usually sit in your fridge? Depends on the food. They tend to stay in there a bit too long, though. What is something you do for other people that shows you care for them? Offer to listen to them and always be a source of support and love. What was the last animal/pet that you met? Kinda recently, someone in our neighborhood was walking their German shepherd, and Mom chatted with the lady for a bit while I listened. Is there anyone in your life with whom your opinion changes on frequently? No. Have you ever kept a journal? Do you currently keep one? Yes, on-and-off during multiple periods of my life. These surveys are like my journals now. Is there a certain song or band who remind you of specific people? Yep. Motionless In White and Black Veil Brides, Jason. Pink Floyd and Evanescence, Sara. Metallica, Mom. Van Halen, Dad. Etc., etc. How often do you style your hair differently from how you normally style it? Never. Have you ever found out that you have been sleep walking? No, I never have. What’s the last thing you promised yourself? I don't know about promised. I take those so seriously, even to myself, that I hesitate to make them. Have you ever tried making something from one of those short cooking videos? How did it turn out? No, but my friend once tried making that "muffin in a cup" thing and it was absolutely horrid. Very eggy. When was the last time you had to wait in line for longer than a few minutes? Good question. Going into places is so rare nowadays, so it's hard to encounter this issue. Well wait, maybe at a fast food place? Idr. Have you ever written a review for a product you bought online? No, but I should do that once I actually use my own money to buy from small businesses in particular... if I had something good to say, anyway. I'd feel bad trash-talking a product. Do you ever interact with any brands/companies online? No. Is there anything you seem especially sensitive to, such as sounds, smells, etc? Smells, yes. What was the last thing you had the urge to do? Read, even though I didn't do it. .-. Is there anyone you feel that takes you for granted? No. Do you ever read the comments on social media posts? Sometimes, particularly if I have strong feelings about something. What was the last “good” thing to happen to you? My PHP therapist felt confident enough in my progress to step me down to three sessions a week versus every weekday. Last awkward situation you were in? Thankfully it was a one-on-one session, but the same aforementioned therapist was asking me questions that really stumped me, so I kept going very quiet as I thought and felt awkward and dumb. He's brilliant at his job. Think of the last time you were sick – what were you sick with? I think the last issue I had that qualifies as "sick" was a double ear infection from Hell itself. That was like two years ago. How do you think your life would change without social media? I'd be incredibly bored, but I, among I think most others, would be more positive and have a more realistic outlook on life. Social media highlights the best times in our life, and I do feel that that has had a negative effect on pretty much everyone. I don't at all believe social media is bad in essence, though. It's a wonderful way to stay connected. What was the last thing you wanted to buy, but couldn’t afford? I can't afford a new terrarium for Venus for probably a while, being without a job and all... How do you get your news? Facebook, haha. How often do you drive? Never, right now. My permit is long expired, and my vision isn't up to par to renew it. If you had to go (back) to school and completely change your career path, what would you choose to study/pursue? I guess biology? Are there any TV shows you constantly quote or know almost every line to? No. What do you think about lizards? I adore lizards; they're all so cute, big or small, and truly little dinosaurs. They're beautiful and so vast in appearances and behavior. Is there anything that people assume about you that isn’t true, and that you find very irritating? Not that I find irritating, no. How would you rate your “detective” skills? Uh, what am I "detecting?" I'm pretty good at digging online if I'm really hunting something down, I guess. Have you ever done consumer testing (testing products before they come out on the market)? If not, would you ever want to? No; I wouldn't be opposed, depending on the product. Have you ever received anesthesia or morphine? Both. The one time (I'm aware of) where I had morphine oddly enough did jack-all, though. If you had to choose which video game to be in, which would it be? Hmmm. Maybe like, Shadow of the Colossus, living in the beautiful garden on the top of the shrine? With the deer, the birds, fruit, just its general beauty... That would be awesome, especially with one other person, especially an s/o. Just the two of us in a gorgeous land. Between the two, would you rather live in a place where it’s only night or where it’s only day? Only day, I suppose. Vitamin D is very important, for one thing, and it always being dark would definitely affect my depression. And what about the flowers blooming and being able to take pictures? :( Sleep would still be possible by just closing your shades and stuff. Is there anyone that makes your skin crawl? Maggots, bot flies, parasites, patterns of small holes, etc. Do you like it when people are affectionate with you? Yes. If we're at least friends, anyway. I'm a very affectionate person. Have the past few days been bad, good, or neutral? They've been pretty all right. If you had to be an actor/actress in a movie, what genre of the movie would you be best at? Probably as an insane villain in a superhero movie or something. Are people more likely to tell you to tone it down or to speak up? Speak up. I'm a mumbler. I can be too loud sometimes too, though, particularly when I'm excited. What’s the last thing that you procrastinated? Now. Emerson's birthday was last month and I still haven't touched her pictures... Out of fire, earth, water, wind, light, and dark, which element appeals the most to you? Dark. What’s your favorite color on a vehicle? Burnt orange, pink. The last pain that you experienced, was it physical or emotional? Physical. What was one of your favorite songs as kid? I liked lots of pop songs. When’s the last time you tried to get revenge, if ever? Never. It's not something I chase after. Do you like Taylor Swift? No. What’s your favorite Disney Channel movie? The Haunted Mansion, I think. That's a Disney movie, isn't it? If you met your favorite celebrity, would you be calm or star struck? I'd be a deer in headlights, stuttering and stammering over ways to thank him and crying like a bitch. I'd be super embarrassed, but I absolutely hope I get to meet him one day. Do you ever have to do yard work? No. Is your school close to your house? I'm no longer in school. Do you have any live versions of songs in your music software? Yes. Did/do you listen to Britney Spears songs? Yeah, I like her. What shorthand do you use the most? Probably "lmao." What album is the current song you’re listening to off of? METAWAR. In your opinion, what song is the most overplayed right now? I wouldn't know; I don't listen to the radio. Are you in a band? No. When I started high school though, I wished I could be a guitarist in one. That's one reason I started taking lessons, haha. Does your favorite band have a male or female lead singer? Male. Have you ever been to a Broadway show? No. Do you prefer group or individual work? Individual, by a long shot. I work much better alone. Could you ever complete a 500-piece puzzle? I think I have before. I used to love puzzles. When was the last time you rode in a limo? Damn son, never; what could possibly give you the idea I could afford to ever do THAT????? Do you take naps daily? Almost every day, yes. Do you still make Christmas lists? Yeah, because I'm asked to. Do you watch the show Dexter? Never seen it, no. Are you currently using a blanket? Yes. My feet are cold. How long is the song you’re listening to? 4:06. Is your mom or dad the older parent? Mom, but only by a year. Did you ever listen to Avril Lavigne when you were younger? Who didn't? I still listen to a couple songs. When was the last time you changed a light bulb? Not all that long ago when Venus' lamp bulb died. How often do you clean your car out? I don't have my own car. Did you ever buy NOW ("Now That’s What I Call Music") CDs? My older sister did, yes. What color (mainly) is your computer? It's black. What is in the back seat of your car right now? In Mom's car, idk. But there's usually some stuff back there. What is your favorite episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S.? Never watched it. Last person’s house you were in? Besides my own, my older sister's. Who is the last person you sent a message to on Facebook? My friend Chelsea. We were catching up. Were you an honor roll student in school? Yes. Do you have a tan? HA. Are you someone’s best friend? Yes. <3 What do you think of when you think of Australia? Huntsmen spiders. *shudders* Favorite gemstone? Of the basic ones, rubies. If we're talking of all of them, even the obscure, then dragon's breath opal. I'd LOVE to have a ring of one of those. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? Almost always the drive-thru. What color is your mom’s hair? It's all gray now. Does your first memory involve your dad? No. Biggest annoyance in your life right this minute? My social anxiety. Do you like watching a bonfire? Yeah. Fire is mesmerizing. Do you ever get flu shots? No, but I really should. Once the Covid vaccine is accessible to all though, I'm getting it for the protection of my immunocompromised mother.

[diveronarpg]

Congratulations, BREE! You’ve been accepted for the role of BIANCA. Admin Rosey: I think the first thing that came to mind was how powerfully you captured Bunny's voice, Bree. You. Absolutely. Killed it. Your plot points built upon one after the other which shows how you plan to lay the foundation for her and force her to grow, no matter how much she kicks up her heels about it. It can be difficult trying to force a character like Bunny to grow without taking away from what makes her so intriguing and fun, but wow. Am I so very glad to have her added to the ranks, ready to bring us chaos and absolute ruin. Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

WELCOME TO THE MOB.

Out of Character

Alias | Bree.

Age | Twenty.

Preferred Pronouns | She/her.

Activity Level | I’m studying engineering and running collegiately, so the short answer is that I’m not entirely sure. The long answer is that my activity will ebb and flow depending on my schedule; some weeks are easier than others. But I’ll do my damnedest to be around, even if that means firing off ugly-formatted replies on mobile (or having Rosey or Kiersten format them for me… we’ve done it before).

Timezone | CST.

How did you find the rp?  | English class my senior year of high school, with the help of Rosey (no, seriously). I’ve been watching from afar, and I couldn’t stay away.

Current/Past RP Accounts | here, here, and here

In Character

Character | Bianca; Bernadette “Bunny” Dupont

What drew you to this character? | Well… originally, I wrote her. But since that sounds like a cop-out and I can never pass up the opportunity to wax poetic about one of my literary children, I’ll bite. ;)

She’s a piece of work. No, not that kind of work, not artwork—given her art forging expertise, that would be a cliché, and neither I nor Bunny are particularly fond of those. I mean that she’s single-handedly both the easiest and the most difficult character I’ve ever written and, I might argue, will ever write. Self-absorbed and yet oddly self-aware, vulgar in the delicate way only someone with a face like hers could be, and so tenderly cruel it’s endearing—she’s awful, but writing her has never been an inkling as heavy as writing equally diabolical characters has been in the past. She’s somehow able to be a light-hearted character in an environment where that sort of label tends to be reserved for characters like Maeve, all flower petals and naivete and ripe for the slaughter—without encompassing any of that. I don’t know, maybe it’s her youthful appearance, maybe it’s her love of candy and strawberries and her tendency to act so much like a child, or maybe it’s that careful balance between what she appears to be, what she’d like to be, and who she is, but she manages to check off some boxes that appear at first glance to be mutually exclusive. She lacks any concrete ambition outside of being revered, yet she possesses the potential to climb, to do some terrible things, because of that unfocused ambition. Her selfishness makes her a target for manipulation while being an avid manipulator herself. Her priorities are bottoms-up and she’s hardly got what most would call a good head on her shoulders, but damn if she isn’t a coquettish kind of cunning.

I thought I wouldn’t even know where to begin, but I’m having trouble finding where to end. The point is, I love this little brat.

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? | Where do you see this character developing, and what kind of actions would you have them take to get there? 3 future plot ideas would be preferable.

Piss off, Picasso: It’s only fitting, I suppose, that a little girl so proficient at mocking her sister (and her friends) behind her doting parents’ backs should grow up and learn to put that art of imitation to good, more mature use in the mob. She’s got it all going for her, really; wealthy upbringing, an eye for detail, and a shameless disregard for plucking coins from the purses of others to feed her own greed—what could go wrong? Plenty. And while I’d definitely like to explore the aftermath of what might happen if she got sloppy and was found out, she’s got her fair share of trouble on her plate right now with her—er, bad publicity. So first, I’d like to see her do well. I’d like to see her get overconfident, make connections, be successful. Once she’s finished throwing her little tantrum about my next plot idea, she’ll probably be inclined to hone her skills, sell a few more paintings to get out of the hole she stumbled into. After all, respect isn’t earned in Bunny’s world; it’s bought.

Paparazzi: It’s not what it looks like. Come on, he isn’t even that cute. Bunny’s moment of weakness, if it can be called that, presents obvious potential for her to either pull herself up by the bootstraps (imagine) or dig herself even farther. This might be the first time she’s gotten into any real trouble, especially the kind that Daddy Dupont couldn’t fix, and she’s not going to handle it well. But her knee-jerk reaction should make for good comedy and some even better plots. How far will she go to prove that she’s still just as loyal to the Capulets as she’s always been (which is to say, not particularly?)? What other mistakes can she make? It’s time to get her pretty little hands dirty, I think. She’s too proud to ask her sister for help, but all bets are off when it comes to Cyrus. Hell, maybe even her connection to Boris can come into play here (counterproductive, probably).

This Is What Makes Us Girls: The relationship Bunny has with Maeve and Juliana is one of my favorite parts about her, because it’s one of the best means for me to flesh out and play with all of the different sides of Bunny. They’re a pretty integral part to the image she keeps up—both that of a dignified daughter and a girl still steeped in candy-lacquered youth, and it’s for that reason that her secret dislike/jealousy of them both is so… telling? Bunny’s conceited, sure, but she is—at her core—insecure. And insecure people—insecure teenage girls, although she’s aged out of that territory—do pretty terrible things. I want to explore the dynamic within this friend group. I want to see her sabotage something important to Juliana. I want to see her have Maeve do her bidding, see her put her friends in harm’s way. Betrayal doesn’t always call for bloodshed; sometimes cutting deep doesn’t call for a knife.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | Eh… as much as I’d love to give the usual “yes, give me all the angst,” I’m not really sure that Bunny is the type of character whose death will serve a purpose/further the plot, to be honest. Only the good die young, and she’s anything but.

If at any point the plot calls for it, we can talk about it, but I don’t foresee her developing in such a way that I’d suggest it.

In Depth

What is your favorite place in Verona? |

That’s a stupid question, she thinks, smoothing out the hem of her skirt and settling contentedly into the plush armchair, half-business and half-play. It’s a copout, almost—the daytime equivalent of asking someone’s favorite color in truth or dare. It’s a wasted turn, a missed opportunity. If she wanted to write love letters to the streets of Verona, she’d pick up the noble art of journaling.

In any case, the answer was most certainly a harrowing tie between her clawfoot bathtub and the half of her king-sized bed farthest from the window—but that sounded so infantile even she might’ve quirked an eyebrow at such a response. This, she realizes, is what it’s like to grow older: to make terrible small talk over lukewarm tea and lie in more dignified ways than she had in her youth.

(She’s twenty-one years, two months, and three days old. This is middle age. This is melodrama.)

“There’s a little candy shop a few blocks from the foot of the Castelvecchio. Their chocolate-covered strawberries are to die for.”

What does your typical day look like?

She likes this one—likes the way it sounds like a question straight out of the magazines she reads in her near-infinite free time, all gloss and understated glamour. In fact, she’s spent a perhaps embarrassing amount of time crafting responses to such a question in the event that she were ever asked, and although this isn’t exactly the avenue she’d had in mind, it’ll do.

Let it never be said that Bunny Dupont cannot compromise.

“I like to wake before the sun,” she lies elegantly, matter-of-factly, knowing damn well that just this morning she’d slumbered until noon but eager to portray the image of a young woman with her shit thoroughly together. The corners of her pink lips turn up in a smile, as if the very thought of a sunrise sways her to cliché thoughts of new beginnings and second chances, of the kinds of phrases befitting the tacky dollar-store decorations Maeve collects like an old man does stamps. How very carpe diem of her.

“I wash my face, have a cup of tea, and try to get a bit of reading done.” When she puts it that way, it sounds quite a bit more like a sophisticated heiress devouring novels in the early morning light than the slightly-less-respectable-but-nonetheless-true alternative of a troublemaker surveying last night’s damage, pastries piled with whipped cream within arm’s reach.

“I like to meet my friends for brunch. Juliana and I are regulars at The Phoenix and the Turtle,” she says delicately, deliberate with her inclusion of the Capulet girl’s name and her exclusion of any others. “I’ll paint a bit in the afternoons…” The little blonde trails off, green eyes darting about as if calling the remainder of her routine to mind. The truth is that she’s already grown bored, and perhaps that’s her own fault; it can get exhausting, pretending to be responsible, truly exhausting—but playing pretend is too fun. “And home for dinner, always.”

What has been your biggest mistake thus far?

She twirls a strand of cotton-blonde hair around her finger, a coy display of sheepishness befitting a schoolgirl. What was her biggest mistake? The question demands a certain sort of humility, a level of introspection and honesty she’s never had the need to stoop to in all her years as the Dupont family darling, and if she were a tad less shameless it might even be a little—what’s the word?—unnerving. There was a reason she’d been dutiful enough to go to church on Sundays with her father but had avoided the confessional like her mother avoided carbs, and that reason had nothing to do—okay, fine, but only a little— to do with an aversion to being on her knees.

But she’s nothing if not an opportunist, a performer, and she treads the line between timid and cruel when she remarks, “I held a Montague boy’s hand once. Went home and went through two bars of soap.”

What has been the most difficult task asked of you?

“Firing a gun,” Bunny admits, leaning in as if to let the intern in on a secret, “It’s harder than I expected. “Pulling the trigger, I mean. Takes a bit more pressure than they show you in the movies.” Leave it to her to turn such a grim discussion to something a bit less uncomfortable, a bit more palatable. Leave it to her to dodge the—well, difficult—questions. When have you failed? When have you struggled? How have you grown?

In two words: she hasn’t. (In another two: not yet.)

What are your thoughts on the war between the Capulets and the Montagues?

Lingering in the air like her favorite perfume was a rule oft-spoken and waiting to be broken: no politics, it’s simply not lady-like. Her father’s banks backed the Capulets, and where the money went, the Duponts surely followed. For all her selfishness and disdain for anything which drew the attention away from her and her needs, Bunny Dupont understood the necessity of these things—of petty grudges and not-so-petty crimes—for people like them. Wars, even wars like these, needed money: a lot of it.

“I don’t feel I know enough to say much about it,” she says carefully, the gleam in her green eyes looking more like a trick of the light and less like a clue. “I only wish there weren’t so much blood.”

Why? It left a nasty stain.

Extras: If you have anything else you’d like to include (further headcanons, an inspo tag, a mock blog, etc), feel free to share it here! This is OPTIONAL.

Headcanons:

When she was little, she wanted to be an actress or an only child: the former, she told her parents, and the latter, she told her sister.

Her hard liquor of choice is vodka, the flavored kind—the sweeter, the better. She’s mastered the art of taking shots of it with a straight face after many years of practice.

Strawberries are her favorite. Chocolate-covered, in champagne—you name it.

In high school, she got her kicks by scaring off boys who approached her to get a leg-up on wooing Juliana. So many potential suitors shot down, convinced that Cosimo would have them shipped off to some foreign land without their heads or their manhood.

Once, she promised Maeve she’d get her crush to ask her on a date. She was only half a virgin after that. He never called Maeve.

She’s a Gemini (May 30th).

[mintiemarmalade]

GET TO KNOW ME TAG

Rules: Post a picture of your simself with your traits and answer the questions so your followers can get to know you better!

I was tagged by the lovely @surreysimmer, @racingllama​ + @storylegacysims​! Thank you so much bbs. ♡

I tag @pixeloasis​, @simsiecakes​ + @gottacatchemallsims​.

This has literally been sitting in my drafts halfway finished for the past week. Tbh I completely forgot about it until @storylegacysims​ tagged me this morning. 🙈

Anywhooo, this is my simself. I’ve given her the geek, goofball + foodie traits. (Truthfully, glutton would probably be more accurate but your simself is supposed to be a better, more ideal version of yourself, right?)

Questions below the cut ↴

1. What is your name?

Kayla

2. What is your nickname?

My family calls me Katy / Katy bug, for some reason.

3. Birthday?

June 17, 1994

4. What is your favorite book series?

Harry Potter, duh.

5. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts?

Yes

6. Who is your favorite author?

J.K. Rowling, duh.

7. What is your favorite radio station?

Octane, Pop2K, and PopRocks on Sirius XM.

8. What is your favorite flavor of anything?

Chocolate, banana, or pumpkin.

9. What word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful?

Lovely, wonderful, superb, idk all are viable options.

10. What is your current favorite song?

I honestly don’t even know.

11. What is your favorite word?

TUFT

12. What was the last song you listened to?

Misery Business by Paramore (I have my beloved throwback playlist playing.)

13. What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch?

Boy Meets World - I firmly believe that the world would be a much better place if everyone had Mr. Feeny as a teacher.

14. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down?

Harry Potter or pretty much any Disney / Pixar movie.

15. Do you play video games?

Way too much, if I’m being honest.

16. What is your biggest fear?

Being alone, rejection, socializing, tight / crowded spaces, etc. I’m a big scaredy cat, okay. Leave me alone.

17. What is your best quality, in your opinion?

I’m hilarious. I’m incredibly caring and loyal.

18. What is your worst quality, in your opinion?

My crippling anxiety.

9. Do you like cats or dogs better?

DOGS but cats are nice too.

20. What is your favorite season?

Fall - I sweat less and all the bugs die.

21. Are you in a relationship?

N O P E

22. What is something you miss from your childhood?

Innocence, being naive to how terrible the world actually is.

23. Who is your best friend?

Hannah ♡

24. What is your eye color?

Green

25. What is your hair color?

Auburn

26. Who is someone you love?

My dog

27. Who is someone you trust?

Hannah

28. Who is someone you think about often?

My sims

29. Are you currently excited about/for something?

CHRISTMAS

30. What is your biggest obsession?

The Sims, probably.

31. What was your favorite TV show as a child?

Boy Meets World

32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone?

Aaron and Joe, I suppose.

33. Are you superstitious?

Nope

34. Do you have any unusual phobias?

Fun fact, butterflies cause me a lot of anxiety for some reason. Conveniently, I found this out while in a one of those butterfly sanctuaries at the zoo.

35. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it?

Behind. I’m quite literally the least photogenic person ever.

36. What is your favorite hobby?

Playing video games, eating, sleeping. Do those count?

37. What was the last book you read?

I... actually don’t know?

38. What was the last movie you watched?

Crimes of Grindelwald.....

39. What musical instruments do you play, if any?

I mean, not to brag or anything but I played the recorder in fourth grade~

40. What is your favorite animal?

SLOTHS

41. What are your top 5 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow?

You can’t make me choose.

42. What superpower do you wish you had?

Teleportation

43. When and where do you feel most at peace?

When I’m with Hannah tbh.

44. What makes you smile?

Making other people smile / laugh.

45. What sports do you play, if any?

Sports hurt.

46. What is your favorite drink?

Sweet tea

47. When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody?

I have no idea.

48. Are you afraid of heights?

My fear of heights is directly correlated with my probability of falling.

49. What is your biggest pet peeve?

People who are rude to food service / retail employees.

50. Have you ever been to a concert?

Yes

51. Are you vegan/vegetarian?

I could never.

52. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Teacher

53. What fictional world would you like to live in?

Stars Hollow

54. What is something you worry about?

Literally everything.

55. Are you scared of the dark?

Sometimes, it depends.

56. Do you like to sing?

Like to, yes. Am I any good? Not at all.

57. Have you ever skipped school?

Yes

58. What is your favorite place on the planet?

Wherever my friends are.

59. Where would you like to live?

I care less about where exactly and more about having the people I love near me.

60. Do you have any pets?

Yes, one doggo named Neville.

61. Are you more of an early bird or a night owl?

NIGHT OWL

62. Do you like sunrises or sunsets better?

Sunsets

63. Do you know how to drive?

Yes

64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones?

Earbuds - headphones make my ears feel claustrophobic.

65. Have you ever had braces?

Nope

66. What is your favorite genre of music?

Early to mid 2000′s punk~ I never outgrew my emo phase, sorry mom.

67. Who is your hero?

My mom

68. Do you read comic books?

No

69. What makes you the most angry?

Seeing those I love get hurt / taken advantage of.

70. Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book?

I prefer the experience of a real book but I do appreciate the convenience of an electronic device.

71. What is your favorite subject in school?

Psychology

72. Do you have any siblings?

One brother + one sister

73. What was the last thing you bought?

Christmas presents!

74. How tall are you?

5′4

75. Can you cook?

I mean, I can follow a recipe sometimes.

76. What are three things that you love?

My mom, my friends, and my dog.

77. What are three things that you hate?

Tomatoes, socks, and loud noises.

78. Do you have more female friends or more male friends?

Well, I guess more male friends, with a ratio of 2:1. (I only have three friends lol.) Unless we’re also counting internet friends, then the females far outnumber the males.

79. What is your sexual orientation?

Straight

80. Where do you currently live?

Southern Illinois

81. Who was the last person you texted?

Hannah

82. When was the last time you cried?

Probably yesterday over something stupid. I cry a lot lol.

83. Who is your favorite YouTuber?

Jenna Marbles

84. Do you like to take selfies?

Not really, no.

85. What is your favorite app?

DISCORD

86. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like?

Mom - decent. Dad - non-existent.

87. What is your favorite foreign accent?

All of them. Accents are so cute OMG.

88. What is a place that you've never been to, but you want to visit?

Japan

89. What is your favorite number?

2

90. Can you juggle?

Lol no.

91. Are you religious?

Yes

92. Do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting?

SPACE

93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil?

Not at all

94. Are you allergic to anything?

Deathly allergic to sulfa - the doctors almost killed me when I was a baby.

95. Can you curl your tongue?

Yes

96. Can you wiggle your ears?

Nope

97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something?

This is complicated because I doubt myself a LOT but I’m also incredibly stubborn.

98. Do you prefer the forest or the beach?

Beach

99. What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you?

On the last day of my senior year, my history teacher left us with two words of advice before we departed: 1) never tattoo your face, and 2) don’t give your kids a stupid name. It still makes me laugh whenever I think about it.

100. Are you a good liar?

NO

101. What is your Hogwarts House?

HUFFLEPUFF ♡

102. Do you talk to yourself?

Pfft she and I have full-blown conversations sometimes~

103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

More accurately, I would consider myself an ambivert.

104. Do you keep a journal/diary?

I’ve never been able to keep up with one.

105. Do you believe in second chances?

I do, and it kicks me in the ass more often than not.

106. If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do?

Try to return it.

107. Do you believe that people are capable of change?

Yes, but the person must be willing to change.

108. Are you ticklish?

Yes

109. Have you ever been on a plane?

Once, when I was five.

110. Do you have any piercings?

Nope

111. What fictional character do you wish was real?

CatDog, I have so many questions~

112. Do you have any tattoos?

No

113. What is the best decision that you've made in your life so far?

To love myself

114. Do you believe in karma?

I don’t know, maybe.

115. Do you wear glasses or contacts?

Glasses - I’ve never worn contacts.

116. Do you want children?

Eventually, yes...

117. Who is the smartest person you know?

Aaron’s a pretty smart dude, I suppose.

118. What is your most embarrassing memory?

My existence in and of itself is embarrassing tbh.

119. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter?

Many, many times. I stay up for 48+ hours sometimes~

120. What color are most of you clothes?

I own a lot of blue apparently.

121. Do you like adventures?

Yes, as long as they don’t involve any strenuous activity.

122. Have you ever been on TV?

Not that I know of.

123. How old are you?

24

124. What is your favorite movie quote?

I honestly don’t know.

125. Sweet or savory?

SAVORY

[femnet]

I am very skinny. I am the type of skinny where I can eat whatever I want and not gain a pound, which really ISN’T a good thing…trust me… My arms are lanky and bony and I have that Taylor-Swift curse where when I dance I always look like a waving-arms-inflatable-tube-man. When I was in third grade, one of my classmates asked me if I was anorexic. I didn’t even know what that word meant. She clarified later that she meant it as a compliment. When I was in high school, a coach stopped me in the hallway while I was taking photos for journalism and yelled at me in front of everyone that if she didn’t see me eating at lunch that she would send me to the Principals office and call my parents. This was not a concerned-teacher conversation. She literally got in my face and yelled at me. 

I know this might seem like a stupid problem to have, because I know that society, as a whole, has a very bad problem shaming and making fun of people who are a pound over what is considered the “ideal” weight. But I think there is struggles on both sides of the spectrum. My weight has been a constant stress in my life. Not just my weight, all my life, I’ve struggled to build up any semblance of confidence in my appearance. When I look in the mirror I struggle to find things that I like about my self. When I was little, I remember thinking I can’t wait until I’m older and have boobs but I’ve stayed very flat chested. I look in the mirror and sigh, “I look like a twelve year old boy.” And my husband rolls his eyes and glares at me in the background.

I know that this doesn’t seem like that big of a deal to many people, but for someone who already didn’t think they were very attractive, its a raw point. Friends and family teased me about it throughout my childhood, including my parents. My dad’s childhood nickname for my sister was “Skeeter” in reference to her “mosquito bite size chest” though, surprisingly, it was my father who defended me when my step-mom once told me a dress I was wearing just “accentuated what you don’t have.” It seemed like anytime I tried on the clothes or swimsuits I wanted to wear they fell…well…flat (bu-dum-tsss). While at my grandparents house, anytime I try to pep myself up in the mirror by turning this way and that and giving myself compliments like, “These pants make my butt look gooooood…” my Aunt will laugh at me loudly and say “Yeah right, what butt?” Her tone seeming to ridicule my attempt at self complimenting.

  Almost anytime my sister and I are together, we joke about plastic surgery for our noses (we both have large noses) and our boobs. As the years have gone on, my sister’s words seem less and less like a joke and sound more like a plan. My husband asked me one night if I would ever really get a boob job. He said that he loved me the way I was, but that since it was my body he would support me if I said I wanted to. I’ve always supported a persons choice to take their appearance into their own hands if it makes them feel better. I don’t believe that very many women wear make up or cute clothing to impress men, I think we do it because we want to impress ourselves. I told him, its true, if we were rich I would probably do it in a heartbeat, but that, otherwise, I couldn’t bring myself to spend so much money on body modification when we have so many other things that we need.

With my issues regarding my weight, chest size, and shape, you can imagine what bra shopping is like. It seems like bra companies cater to a very specific size group. If you fall above or below that, good luck. Listening to my super flat friends and my super busty friends talk about bra shopping is almost the exact same. Anytime I would go shopping, it was always “which push up bra will push what little I have up the most and not make me look like a thirteen year old girl with a bunch of tissues.” Unfortunately, the shape of my chest doesn’t lend itself to push ups very much and the amount of cup gap I always see when I look down just makes me feel even flatter than I am. 

My husband was definitely team throw-out-the-push-ups, but I was resistant at first. I attached what little confidence I had to these bras, and when he told me that I should go bra-less entirely or just wear bralettes, I thought that would just make me feel even worse because then I’d be even more shapeless. But in the back of my mind, I thought about it. 

I was always jealous of characters in movies and tv shows who didn’t have big boobs but never seemed to care. The sisters in Charmed went bra-less without shame, and if it got a little nipple-y who the fuck cared? They just looked even better! I was a firm supporter in free the nipple, so why couldn’t I bring myself to be as free as they were? 

Slowly, I started trying to building up my confidence. I bought low cut shirts and dresses and forced myself to ditch the bras every once in a while for a sexy date night look. But still, anytime I went to bra shop, I’d come home feeling depressed and self conscious. 

One day I realized that the push up bras that I thought would make me feel more confident were doing the opposite. I’d bought them for years in an almost fake-it-till-you-make-it mindset. Instead of appreciating my body, I was trying to force it to look the way I thought it needed to and the bras served as a constant reminder of that. 

So I decided to ditch the push up bras for a week and then write about it for the blog. I felt like there had to be other girls out there who felt the same way I did. So, I went to Victoria’s Secret and got the no-padding, lace bras that I had always admired but thought I would never be able to wear. When I tried them on in the dressing room, for the first time, my boobs filled the bra I was wearing. I was even able to put on a C-cup with no gaping. I had never felt so self-confident after bra shopping! 

I wore them for a week and every day I felt confident and sexy. My boobs looked bigger to me than they had even in the push ups, I got more in touch with the natural shape of my body and learned to appreciate it. The tops that I loved but always struggled to wear because they were constantly letting my bra show, I could wear without a worry. If the lace of my bra showed I just shrugged it off. It looked cute anyway.

On top of that, I was more comfortable. My back didn’t ache so much throughout the day and when I took my bra off at night, I didn’t have bright red indentions in my skin. I also felt empowered. I was embracing myself and flashing the middle finger to that “perfect size” beauty standard, which always feels good. After the week was over, I did end up getting my basic push up bra back out, but even then only for a day or two every now and then. I definitely didn’t feel as dependent on them.

I think that’s exactly what my push-up preference was, a dependency. When your self confidence is lacking, it might feel easier to find something to fill the empty space and hide behind, but it’s just a placeholder for your self esteem. It’s like that cliche plot line that is in every kids show ever. Where one of the characters is told that a certain token is the key to their skill or power, and then they lose said token and have to learn that their skill or power was within them ~~all along~~. 

I went into the experiment thinking “I want to do this for a week and then throw out all of my padded bras and go strictly unpadded from now on.” That isn’t what happened, but I think I did rid myself of the feeling that I needed a push up bra to look good. 

I think it’s a good experiment for anyone to try. If you feel like your self-confidence hinges on a single thing, or a single few things, and not on you, then maybe try cutting those objects out for a few days or a week. Take time to love yourself and your body, because we are all beautiful. And you might just learn that you don’t really need anything else.

[wanna-17]

sisterzoned ft. kang daniel (pt.1)

summary: you’re sisterzoned by your crush the moment you two meet, will you ever have a chance?

length: 1.7k

a/n: so i was cleaning my room and came across my journal that i wrote in when i was at the young age of T H I R T E E N and legit all i wrote about was about this crush i had that completely sisterzoned me within one minute of meeting r i p m e. and you can say i’ve never had a serious crush after that lmao and then i was getting all angsty so i decided to write a scenario based on it its super tragic and like i have not talked to him since like 6 years ago HAHAHAH but I DECIDED TO WRITE ON DANIEL so let me know what you think of this!! 

part 2 is here

your parents had signed you up to some sort of “cultural learning” camp that went for 2 weeks without telling you

you were from busan and the trip was to seoul during the school holidays

and for you being away from home for 2 weeks was a long time

and on the camp it was gonna be full of other high school students who were probably forced to go as well lmao

luckily your best friend doyeon was also going as your parents had discussed about this behind your backs

so here you were at the airport with a massive luggage and your best friend by your side

and you guys were surrounded by about 30 or so strangers who you’d never seen before and most looked just as distressed

there were also some adults that were like “leaders” for the camp but they were  more like middle aged parents

you sighed

the leaders started marking the roll

“kang daniel?”

no one responded or raised their hand so the teacher moved on to the next name which was yours as you were also a kang

when she nearly finished marking the roll a boy ran to the teacher and he seemed to be breathless probably having just run in to the airport

“sorry i’m late!” chirped the boy

he was carrying a big duffel bag and held a weird looking racket in his hand

you couldn’t see his face but you couldn’t help but think that he had such a wide back and wide shoulders lmao

he talked to the leader for a bit and joined this other tall boy who was by himself and they gave each other a  bro hug

finally the roll was done and everyone began to check in, then go through security etc.

finally everyone was at the boarding gate and there was still an hour til boarding time so there was time to mingle and get to know people

and at this point you and doyeon had not spoken to anyone at all as you were both really tired and ceebs 

you glanced around curiously looking at those around you and seeing if there was anyone else that looked friendly that you and doyeon might be able to approach to make friends

your eyes landed and lingered on the boy who’d come in late 

now that you could see his face he seemed really familiar and cute 

“hey doyeon is it just me or does that guy who came in late look familiar to you?” 

doyeon also looked over at him and after a few seconds she slapped your arm

“OMG Y/N I’M PRETTY SURE THATS KANG DANIEL FROM OUR SCHOOL IN THE YEAR ABOVE” shrieked doyeon excitedly

“really omg the basketball player???” you asked 

doyeon nodded in response, “what the heck is he doing on this camp” 

you didn’t notice that you and doyeon were actually pretty loud and daniel and his friend had heard you so they walked over to you guys 

you and doyeon looked at each other in embarrassment and you wanted to dig a hole 

“hey guys i think i heard you guys say that i go to your school” said daniel smiling as he approached you and doyeon 

“yeah!” replied doyeon “we didn’t mean to be creepy you just looked familiar” 

“that’s cool so you guys go to xx high school as well?”

“yeah! except this girl is transferring schools” replied doyeon as she patted you on the back sadly 

the thing was your dad had gotten a new job on the outskirts of busan so your family was moving there

and now that the popular basketball player from the year above was talking to you you were slightly upset about transferring :((

“oh what that’s such a shame” said daniel

and he looked at you with a bunny smile and wow your heart started racing and it’ll be while since you felt that way

the friend who was with daniel introduced himself

“hey i’m ong seongwoo, not hong seongwoo not wong seongwoo but ong seongwoo” said seongwoo emphasising the ong i had to

you guys all introduced yourselves and seongwoo offered for you guys to all wait together as where they were sitting had a lot of space

daniel came over and helped you and doyeon take the luggage

you’d already started pulling your luggage but he took it from you

and you couldn’t help but be touched by such a small gesture

you guys all talked and got to know each other better 

and it was cool how you guys all went to the same school

and honestly you became really sad at the idea of having to transfer schools…….you wanted to know daniel more honestly speaking 

and maybe you guys would talk at school if you didn’t have to transfer 

when it was time for boarding you ended up standing next to daniel and you were a little nervous bc before it was in a group so everyone was talking to each other and over each other 

“hey y/n you know what i realised we have the same last name” said daniel

“yeah we do” 

“you know i’m an only child and i’ve always wanted a younger sister and you’re just so small and cute so can i adopt you as my younger sister?” asked daniel

you were surprised at the request but you agreed happily 

he said i was cute you kept repeating to yourself as you smiled 

you were happy that he was going to call you sister bc that meant he wanted to be close to you and you couldn’t help but be happy at that 

the funny thing was tho his older brotherly instincts turned on immediately as you didn’t think he would ACTUALLY treat you like a younger sister 

he always called you sister or sis in this really cute tone 

on the plane when you couldn’t finish the food he helped you eat it and ruffled your hair

he ALWAYS ruffled your hair and you loved it 

when he found out you liked kpop he’d call you sistarrrrr and tease you about it 

which was cute but annoying 

during the camp he always cared for you and asked how you slept 

he sometimes even bought you drinks and snacks and gave you medicine when you were unwell

one time when walking on the sidewalk a car passed by pretty closely and he made you walk on the inside 

one time the elevator was super packed but you really needed to get in so you were kinda squished against daniel sort of against the wall while you awkwardly staring at his chest 

one time everyone at camp visited some old building and you got a lot of dirt and dust on your jacket. when you guys came out daniel was like: “hey sis you got your jacket dirty i’ll get it off for you” and he just patted it all of straight away 

one time everyone was taking a group photo and just before the camera clicked he’d put his arm around you 

one time when walking around hongdae you’d stopped to pick up a call from your mum and daniel was the only one who patiently waited for you on the sidewalk  

you just couldn’t figure him out bc honestly speaking he was such a nice guy and treated every girl really well 

so those “moments” probably didn’t mean anything to him bc they were little things but they meant so much to you 

but then it wasn’t like he waited for every girl??

you were an older sibling at home and were always the one watching out for others

but now that someone was watching out for you made you feel really special and loved 

and he called you his sister which should be a clear sign of the sisterzone??

but you couldn’t help but think that maybe he did like you?? bc everything he did confused you 

another time at night a few people were gathered playing the pocky game 

daniel had the pocky and jisung spun the bottle……………and it landed on you 

you were frozen and your mind was blank as you didn’t know how to react 

you looked up and met eyes with daniel…and well they looked a bit hopeful? he was laughing and his eyes turned into crescents but they looked kinda hopeful 

everyone else was cheering and chanting 

before you could make a decision another guy jaehwan who was super hyper and getting impatient did it instead 

you sat there in a daze, half regretting it bc you wanted to have your first kiss with someone you liked and you were sure you liked daniel 

but you were scared and a nervous wreck 

honestly though you liking daniel was a gradual process there wasn’t a defining moment on when you started to like him 

but you knew when was the confirming moment of you liking daniel 

the moment itself was pretty stupid because it wasn’t related to you but it made your heart melt 

it was when everyone was at a two storey restaurant and suddenly daniel had to go downstairs

you were curious as to where he went so you excused yourself and went downstairs 

and you saw daniel with an elderly couple which you soon found out were his grandparents 

you observed the way he interacted with them and how tender he was with them 

most 16 year olds who were the star basketball player of their year would not want to be seen in public with their relatives

but here was daniel, clinging onto his grandma and talking to her with the most admirable smile

you couldn’t help but feel you heart beat 

a family oriented guy plus a nice personality and good looks what more did you need?

you smiled to yourself as you headed back upstairs

soon the camp came to an end and you enjoyed the 2 weeks so much 

they were in fact the best 2 weeks of your life bc you’d met daniel 

also by the end of the camp literally everyone was questioning whether you two were a thing or not and he always just gave a laugh and brushed it off as he said “look at y/n she’s my awesome sister” 

at the airport he’d given you a big hug and you swear it was slightly longer than the hugs he gave to the other girls 

he’d said to you “thanks for being the best little sister” and he’d ruffled your hair 

you nodded and couldn’t even come up with a coherent answer because you wanted the past 2 weeks to go on forever 

you didn’t want to not see daniel again 

you wished you weren’t transferring schools 

on camp daniel had whined a lot about you transferring schools 

after the camp you and daniel became facebook friends and talked a few times

but you honestly were super awkward online and didn’t know what to  talk about so after a month or so you and daniel lost contact even though there was the title of facebook friends 

5 years went on like that 

the school you had transferred to was an all girls school and you barely had any contact with any other guys 

so daniel was basically the first and last guy you had really liked he was like your first love

but then again it was just a fleeting camp crush right?

during this time you did see some pictures of daniel on facebook from time to time

but that was it you never initated to talk to him on facebook because you were too scared and embarrassed to do so

plus you were sure you had moved on from him thats what you thought girl 

but one day as you were mindlessly scrolling through facebook on the bus you came across a picture

of daniel kissing a girls cheek

and you suddenly felt your heart tear into pieces 

and you didn’t even know why 

ok lmao idk anymore HAHAHA let me know what you guys think!! i’ll have part 2 coming soon hopefully and the remaining of my first meeting au! series :) 

masterlist is here

[howellstvdies]

pretty long post coming up! thanks to @flcwerstudies  for tagging me! love ya, babe

1. when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? 

i try and make it even, but somehow there always ends up being milk left behind. it annoys me so much

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? 

it depends. some days, i’m elsa (the cold never bother me anyway!); some days all i ever want from life is warmth and cuddles and a cat

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? 

business cards, paper towels, my phone, pens, a necklace once. i nearly lost it, then

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? 

tea: two spoons of sugar and milk, but i don’t take it that much.

coffee: creamer or two spoons of sugar.

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? 

yes, it’s ridiculous

6: do you keep plants? 

not yet!

7: do you name your plants? 

i’m planning on naming them sherlock and finn, and then name some of them after bts

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? 

journaling, writing, drawing (if what i do can be considered drawing), and lots and lots of singing 

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? 

yes, because i like the fact that i can hit power notes (like when i’m singing burn from hamilton)

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? 

stomach and side, but mostly on my tummy.

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? 

so far, there’s “i could be a stripper” and “goshdarn oprah”

12: what’s your favorite planet? 

i like pluto because it’s a smol bean, and saturn because of the rings

13: what’s something that made you smile today? 

i watched america’s funniest videos with my mom

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? 

there would be books EVERYWHERE, and two cats lounging around, and a coffee maker, and blankets EVERYWHERE. also, high speed wifi

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! 

scientists have traced unusually regular radio signals being emitted from an unknown object in the galaxy m82.

ALIENS PEOPLE!

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish? 

i haven’t really had that many pasta dishes, but i’ll eat it any day

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

a dark blue, with streaks of tardis blue

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. 

i don’t really have anything right now 

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? 

i do keep a journal. i try to write reflections and things like that, but i’m always just ranting about how stupid and cowardly i am. and there are some to-do lists. 

20: what’s your favorite eye color? 

i’m probably just saying this because i have a crush on someone with this color eyes, but blue-grey eyes make me weak at the knees.

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

my favorite bag is my school bag, to be honest, because that’s where all the books are. 

22: are you a morning person? 

nope, i’m a night person, but i also force myself to sleep early.

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? 

sleep, watch netflix, watch dan and phil, read

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? 

there is one person that i’m slowly getting there with, and another person i really want to get there with, but none so far

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? 

nowhere, yet

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? 

i wear my white sneakers quite a bit, but i haven’t had them for forever. i also wear my snow boots a lot, but that’s because they’re warm and i am weak.

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?

i don’t have gum that much, but i like strawberry.

28: sunrise or sunset?  

sunset.

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? 

omigod, there’s so many; i find almost everyone cute. one of my friends does this thing when she’s proud of herself when she looks so smug and adorable. my other friend doesn’t laugh that much, so when i make him laugh, it’s like i’ve just discovered the secrets of life. and when my friend/crush laughs, he goes pink and he scrunches his nose and i die a little bit inside. 

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? 

i get really scared about emotions, but i don’t think i’ve been blood-curdling scared yet. 

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.

i love socks! i love weird socks and fuzzy socks and any socks. i try to sleep with my socks, but i remove them in the middle of the night and i don’t remember. 

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

my cousins and i had just watched markiplier and danandphil play five nights at freddies, and we were spooked, so we started watching spongebob in the middle of the night.

33: what’s your fave pastry?

the first time i ever had a crosant with chocolate inside, i died and went to food heaven.

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? 

i had an eeyore stuffed doll that i called doofy for some reason and i always slept with it. i had to leave it in kenya when we moved, but i’m on the hunt for another stuffed friend. 

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?

YES YES YES. it annoys my mom sometimes

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? 

all time low’s theraphy would be my mood right now, i think.

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? 

clean, but sometimes, the messiness is apealing.

38: tell us about your pet peeves! 

people asking me if i’m mad when i’m just being quiet. people who are mean to teachers, complaining about them not getting grades in (70 kids, more than 100 assignments to grade, and they have a life, please just stuff it). people who gossip about other people. dramatic people. racists, mysogonists, albiests, general asses. 

39: what color do you wear the most? 

black and blue, mainly black

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? 

i have a necklace that my aunt gave me a few years ago. i always wore it to feel close to her. 

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?

the rosie project by graeme simsion. i got it at goodwill, and even my dad liked it. my dad very rarely likes the books i pick. 

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! 

none yet, but there is a starbucks in our town that i’ve been to a couple of times. not only was it my first starbucks visit, but i’ve had some very good memories there. 

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? 

i don’t even think i ever gazed at the stars with someone. i want to, though

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? 

when we were moving and the place was quiet, and the tv was off and i’d just woken up. i sat on the couch and read and i was so calm and happy.  

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?

kinda?? i do sometimes, but i do tend to overreact and overthink, so other times i don’t.

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

never apollogize for your bad puns about greek gods

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? 

PICKLES. my god, i hate pickles so much.

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? 

i was and still am scared of the dark

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

i really like that idea, but i don’t have anything to play them on currently, so i don’t do that.

50: what’s an odd thing you collect? 

i collect clothing tags for bookmarks, but i don’t really collect things.

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? 

my dad. any bon jovi/rock song made in the 80s.

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? 

salt bae and spongebob being a chicken.

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? 

no, not yet. i keep meaning to, but i never get round to it.

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? 

my baby sister a few days ago. we usually leave for school at the same time, and she had to stay home because she was sick. she looked so sad when i was leaving that i could actually feel my heart break.

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?

i don’t think i’ve ever done anything dramatic.

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? 

when people laugh and it’s a full-on laugh and they very rarely do that, dimples, when people engage my stupid questions (”dragons or dinosaurs?”) and go with it, people who are okay with just sitting in the quiet but they can also stay stupid funny thins, dimples, using hands to explain things, DIMPLES

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? 

really happy. i kept reancting lyrics and playing air guitar when it called for it. that song is fun.

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? 

i don’t really have a group of friends but i think i’d be the vodka aunt and my friend charise would be the wine mom. (sometimes it’s switched)

59: what’s your favorite myth? 

icarus and persephone and hades

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

i like it but i very rarely read it. i feel like you have to be really smart to understand poetry, and i’m not smart enough.

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? 

i gave a few of my friend nail polish, and i don’t think i’ve ever gotten a stupid gift

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? 

orange juice most of the time, grape juice when i have it

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? 

i leave them be most of the time. as long as they’re not getting hurt, i’m good. 

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? 

dark blue almost black

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? 

i saw my cousin for the first time in MONTHS before we moved, and he’s really tall now, and he lets me cuddle him and he gives me back hugs and i miss him so much (but i’m not telling him that because he’d rub it in my face)

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? 

small roses! peach blossoms and cherry blossoms too. one huge ass hibiscus or lotus flower as a statement piece

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? 

cozy and sheltered, sometimes. really melancholy and silent most of the time

68: what’s winter like where you live? 

not too bad (i’ve only had one so far)

69: what are your favorite board games? 

monopoly and game of life and clue

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

no, but i knida want to??

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? 

i don’t really have one

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? 

depends. if its something i care about, no. otherwise, yep

73: what are some of your worst habits? 

running away from my emotions and other people’s emotions, expecting the best out of people when i know i’m gonna get the worst

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

not too loud, but very passionate. listens to a lot more rap music even though they look like a punk rock person. doesn’t look people in the eye, but looks me in the eye sometimes and makes me wanna cry. i really like him

75: tell us about your pets! 

i don't have pets!! (thanks mom)

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? 

sleeping BUT I WILL FINISH THIS IF IT KILLS ME

77: pink or yellow lemonade? 

pink

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? 

fanclub they’re adorable

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? 

making me a grilled cheese for my birthday (was my first grilled cheese)

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? 

white and no. i wanna paint them tardis blue

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. 

the ice floating in the open sea, the color of the sky right after it’s rained

82: are/were you good in school? 

yes! i find it fun so it’s easy for me

83: what’s some of your favorite album art? 

an airplane carried me to bed by sky sailing looks really preety

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? 

i want to get slytherin in fancy font on my ankle and a semicolon on the inside of my wrist

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? 

no, but i want to 

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? 

i don’t know if i’ve heard any

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? 

the fundamentals of caring, dead poet’s society

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? 

i don’t really know any

89: are you close to your parents? 

yeah

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. 

london when i was eight - warm summer days and walking to the park in the afternoon, popsicle slipping down my hand. watching cartoons with my cousins and reading in a blanket fort. merry-go-rounds and playing with sprinklers even if i’m fully dressed. going to the beach, and the day is cold and windy, the sky is grey, and it’s so beautiful my chest hurts

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? 

i wanna go to new york at some point but my parents are grade-a procrastinators and i can’t go without them

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? 

half-and-half, but more towards the barely side.

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? 

braids with a right part.

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? 

my little cousin turned 7 a few days ago

95: what are your plans for this weekend? 

sleep and read and sleep

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? 

procrastination is always my situation

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? 

infp-t, scorpio, slytherin 

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? 

almost a year ago, not my best hiking experience. that was more about the people than the hike

99: list some songs that resonate with your soul whenever you hear them. 

for some reason, mess is mine by vance joy really makes me feel things. also, almost every single bts song i’ve ever heard

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? 

5 years in the past, with the knowledge i have know, so i can fix mistakes my over-dramatic, 10-year-old self made.

this took fifty years i swear. i tag @studiousmochi @studytherin @pinetreestudies @athenus @eintsein @educatier @elkstudies and @studylustre , and whoever wants to do this. xoxo

[i-am-a-fan-of-empty-spaces]

super long 12/21 birthday letter

dear god:

i’m on ritalin and can’t nap.

when i write these things there’s always a kind of balance i have to maintain. emotions and words are slippery and when you get an image you want to complete it, and you have to stop yourself and think: does this stay true to what i’m actually feeling? 

the truth is i feel a mix of a lot of feelings at all times. they come and fade. that makes it hard to write about them. i felt physical joy watching the contrapoints video on violence, then switched to facebook and saw my conversation with graham, felt guilt and shame and sort of a self mild-dislike. i felt motivated when ritalin first started coming on, and thought, i could probably do anything right now. but now that i’m faced with the task of studying for tutoring, it’s hard to get motivated, even if it’s easier than normal. feelings exist on scales, but words deal with yeses and nos. 

what’s going on w me? a lot happens over the course of a week. maybe one dominant theme of this week is shame and frustration over not being a good friend. some expectation to be comforted by others when i share this with them. a small degree of guilt over my desire to share this as a way to be comforted. not enough to demand anyone tell me what they honestly think about me, which is what i want most. 

i get the desire to have immediate access in crucial moments to the things that would make me a better/interestinger friend--the right words, responses, a good understanding of their feelings, more intelligence and insight, genuine interest in their lives, more skill at writing and art, 

part of this feels very myopic and selfish and pointless. if i were a non-me person reading this i wouldn’t care.

steven asked me how my friends were doing. i told him they were probably busy with finals. it didn’t dawn on me until then that that could be a reason i felt annoying. in the past whenever he got busy i got depressed and insecure and then i’d realize it wasn’t anything about me at all, i wasn’t messaging more he was just responding less. 

honesty about situations and not editing in little narrative-enhancers is a difficult task when writing for my future self and knowing an audience can read. it’s easy to believe my own lies. things like “here is why i am like this”, that make for a more coherent life story. the truth is just “i don’t know” for 99% of all things, so the method is to use as few words as possible and to be as direct as possible when describing any emotion or circumstance. even highlighting a truth like this is dangerous. you can’t be sure your insights will ever hold up over time. you can only describe your feelings in the moment. the closer you zoom and the less you make sense of things, the less dangerous things get. 

i wrote that on mdma feelings can only be defeated by larger contextualizing feelings.

ok god that’s out of the way. lemme do a thing real quick. lemme express feelings dishonestly to beautify myself and my life. the ritalin is wearing off sharply and my head is clouded by noise suddenly and my writing ability has vanished.

i said on mdma i wanted you to save people. i still want you to save people. i want you to save all of us. my tendency to read humanity as being sad and deserving of pity probably gets me in trouble with friends, probably makes them feel condescended to. but can i indulge this for just a second? i feel helpless a lot, a lot. i see people feeling helpless, even if they don’t admit it or recognize it. and i worry about a lot of people, about how they might never find someone to understand them, about how they might lose faith in the capacity of humanity to save them. i see them feeling sad and wanting to die. they talk about not being worth anything. my friend graham has tried to kill himself a lot of times already and he is a great person who should not die. i’m afraid they’ll always struggle with sadness or alienation or all of the weight they carry from past hurts. i don’t have enough love in me to give. even if i were to have all the love they needed to feel important i wouldn’t know how to express it in a way that could save them. 

i confess that these days i believe in you less, believe less in some power outside of human effort and blind luck that can change hearts, but i think when desire is powerful enough it will escape in the form of prayer, and a god becomes necessary as a receptacle of something so impossibly good that reality can’t contain it. we find ourselves bargaining, promising tasks, changes of heart, our lives, in exchange for an answer, and then we find all of it falling short and hope you have enough love for us to grant us mercy. the desire for a loving god is woven into the human heart.

it’s taken an hour or so to write these past few paragraphs. writing on a ritalin comedown is an uphill battle against mental noise.

let’s try short sentences. i can’t think long.

i pray for graham. i pray for cherr. i pray for JC. i pray for steven. i pray for giulio. i pray for felix. i pray for ace. i pray for arielle. i pray for myself. i pray for my sisters, though i find this oddly hard to say sincerely.

i pray that i have more love for my sisters. 

i pray for myself, that i can sincerely want what’s best for people even after growing close to them and seeing their selfish bits in high resolution. i pray for love that doesn’t rely on projecting my own desires on to people.

i pray for my parents. 

i pray for more love and more wisdom and more desire for love and wisdom, and stupid courage to face my own lack of it no matter how depraved and awful it gets to look at and courage also to develop where i need to develop even if it will never be close to enough, and i pray for my very best to be enough for me and i pray that people will be patient with my faults and i will be patient too,

i pray for humility and trust and stupid faith in you to provide for them all,

i pray for all of them to go places in life that are good and to find things that are good that help them survive and become fulfilled and beautiful. at the time of writing this i really feel it.

i pray for a good world. i pray for strong people. i pray that you are real, and one day things will be made right. i am angry at people who try to see things as good as they are now because things are fucked and awful and the world hurts people without recompense. i pray that you are the fulfillment of every unfulfilled desire.

i pray to be less selfish. 

i pray, selfishly, to be less insecure, because it feels bad. i want to be a healthy happy person with good thoughts and intentions.

god these days i get stressed a lot and i’m weak so instead of powering through i say things like “god save me” and “i feel lost” when it’s not actually that bad. and i curl up and let the noise in my head scatter in a million directions until i feel okay.

being honest is hard work. sighing to you like a child to a doting mother is much more satisfying. i would like to sigh to my friends because they respond more readily but humans don’t take well to self-pity. so i sigh to you.

God, help me. i feel lost. help me, help me, save me, please. teach me strength sure, 

but right now also save me and make me float in the confident knowledge of your strength and beauty so i don’t have to be strong and i can just walk forward effortlessly knowing graham and cherr and steven and giulio and felix will be okay always and forever and that one day i will be good and wise and loved and so will they. 

make this world beautiful and okay. this world is fucked and we are sad.

like a child’s cry is designed to be heard by a mother our suffering exists to invite your grace. 

amen

PS shit sucks and i’m confused a lot and stressed out and i’m a coward so i like it when it gets bad enough that i feel okay napping.

PS my therapist sucks

PS odesza is good i wanna listen to em on molly

PS i wanna be a good friend but also this is code for i wanna be liked by people i like forever

PS remember that time in taiwan i shouted at my mom and she cried and said she felt unloved even if she knew i loved her? i know how that feels and it sucks.

seriously god how do i become likable and make people’s lives good and enjoyable, and how much of this is selfishness vs genuine desire to help others and when this happens how do i make sure my whole life is constantly in a state of this and never in a state of me being annoying and needy and what is the meta truth i need to defeat my fear of being annoying

lastly PS here’s to a good 25th year 

and thank you god for letting me meet graham and cherr and everyone even mel and thank you for letting me see humanity in its richness and interestingness 

and thank you for giving me emotions and for keeping me safe all these years and giving me a sense that i am loved and understood and valuable no matter where i go

thank you for this unwavering confidence in the beauty and goodness of the human experience. you’d better not take this from me. 

like can i brag? my life rocks, taiwan was beautiful, i am cool, i am likable to a lot of people and able to get close super fast, i travel and try drugs, i am deep and interesting and moody, i bought a fucking sick cat hoodie and it makes me cute, i feel cute sometimes like right now, this bed is soft as hell, i can read tarot cards drunk at parties, i’ve grown so wise, i made a comic w cherr,

can i thank you double for my friends because holy fucking shit they are such great great humans and in every measure no matter how deep or shallow they are A+, like on the shallow end they’re easily as cool as me and have interesting opinions worth hearing and if i weren’t weird about hugging i’d hug like 2 or 3 of them maybe,

ecuador is gonna rule, maybe one day things will fall apart and i’ll lose a sense of joy over things as shallow as sick cat hoodies but like lemme have this moment, lemme have this joy okay god

amen.

oh but

on the one hand i wanna say 3 hour journaling is the norm for me. but also, i distinctly remember being on 40 mg methylphenidate and spending the 3 hours writing a letter to nathan, i also distinctly remember this molly trip a few weeks ago where i spent 8 whole entire hours writing, and each of those times it felt totally natural and not a drug compulsion, and my therapist was like “holy moly that’s a lot of writing” and i was like “nah i write when i’m sober” but shit i think he’s right

[uberniftacular]

ODDS

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

About equal? I think it probably works out to being more cereal than milk volume-wise, but it’s not like I measure it?

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

I mostly don’t use random things as bookmarks, actually. I’m very rarely reading more than one book at a time, and I’ve got a leather bookmark I’ve had for probably 20 years by now that’s what I always use. If I’m reading something else and that bookmark is in use already, then generally whatever envelope or receipt is closest.

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?

Not particularly, unless I’ve been eating spinach recently.

7: do you name your plants?

I don’t have plants (but I don’t think I’d name them if I did have them).

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?

All the damn time.

11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends?

“Neurons in party hats!”

13: what's something that made you smile today?

My cat dozing off next to me.

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

Honestly I got bored before I found one weird enough to be worth telling, so instead I present to you: DUDE, NO EDGE.

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

Purple! And conveniently, I’m a grown-ass adult, so I have actually been doing exactly that for well over a year now.

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?

Nope. I’ve tried on and off over the years, but mostly I get a few days/pages in and then get either super bored or super distracted, so I give up.

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

I don’t honestly think I have a favorite bag. *shrugs*

23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?

INTERNET. FOREVER.

25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into?

That’s making the assumption that I’ve ever broken into a place, which as a matter of fact, I have not.

27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor?

I don’t actually chew gum.

29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?

A couple of my friends have basically their own accent that they speak in, but mostly only to each other, and it’s really super cute.

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.

TALL SOCK LIFE IS BEST LIFE. Y’all, I recently acquired a pair of rainbow thigh-high socks and they’re fucking awesome. I love patterns on socks in general, though I confine myself to white-cotton-sock hell when I’m working out.

33: what's your fave pastry?

ALL OF THEM. OMG, pastry is the goddamn best.

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?

I love pretty pens and office supplies in general, but I very rarely actually use them.

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?

Clean, mostly so that I can actually find things and also not trip over anything (well, besides the cats) when I have to get up in the middle of the night to pee.

39: what color do you wear the most?

Purple or red, probably. I also wear a ton of black, but just because it goes with everything.

41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving?

Basically everything Tamora Pierce has ever written, really.

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

Hmm. Probably my bestie, E, if I had to guess. I don’t spend a lot of time stargazing.

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?

Sure.

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

Jalapenos. I JUST WANT TO EAT GUACAMOLE WITHOUT BURNING MY FACE OFF GODFUCKINGDAMNIT.

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

I haven’t bought a physical CD in YEARS. The most recent one was...probably one of Hank Green’s albums, and that would’ve been like 4 years ago. (Well, that’s the most recent on purpose one anyway. My ticket to Kesha’s tour this fall came with a copy of the album, so that’s the most recent CD I’ve *acquired*.)

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?

Within Temptation’s “Aquarius” for my husband.

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?

I think Heathers is the only one of those I haven’t seen, but I’ve only seen each of the others once, and I don’t think I was particularly impressed by any of them.

55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point?

I have absolutely no idea, tbh.

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

I genuinely don’t have the energy for Bohemian Rhapsody right now. Because it *requires* a full sing-along, and I’m just not capable of that today.

59: what's your favorite myth?

Hades and Persephone, probably.

61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received?

I honestly can’t remember the stupidest gift I’ve given (unless you count the cringe-worthy ones I gave to crushes in high school, but we’re not talking about those). And as for stupidest I’ve received, it wasn’t *intended* to be a stupid gift, but a year or two ago I was given a Loki dress for Christmas or something and LIKE SERIOUSLY, YOU HAVE MERCH FOR LITERALLY ALL THE AVENGERS AND YOU GIVE ME FUCKING LOKI?

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

I’m pretty organized about them.

65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with?

@the-wordbutler!

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

Tired

69: what are your favorite board games?

Mysterium, Dixit, Castle Panic, Discworld: Ankh-Morpork. And, while not technically a board game, CodeNames.

71: what's your favorite kind of tea?

I don’t drink tea

73: what are some of your worst habits?

Avoiding shit that makes me sad or uncomfortable even if I need to deal with it

75: tell us about your pets!

I have 2 cats! Girlcat is a calico who’s a little over 8 years old; we basically got her as a wedding present (a bridesmaid’s cat had kittens the day before our wedding, and she was like “hey you want one?” and we were like YES KITTY). She’s mostly antisocial except when I’m sitting at my desk and she’ll tap me on the arm to ask me for pettings. Boycat is an orange tabby who was a rescue, so we don’t know exactly old he is, but we’ve had him for 3 years and at the time they estimated he was about 10. He has exactly 0 teeth and is the most talkative cat I’ve ever met.

77: pink or yellow lemonade?

Both!

79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

Back when we were dating, in high school, hubby gave me a rose at school. There was another one on my car’s windshield at the end of the day, and he was waiting with the rest of the dozen on my porch when I got home. I think that was Valentine’s Day? But it may have been asking-me-to-prom, I don’t actually remember.

81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

Hey, here’s a thing I really don’t have the brainpower for right now.

83: what's some of your favorite album art?

I honestly can’t think of any off the top of my head. Album art isn’t something I pay a lot of attention to most of the time.

85: do you read comics? what are your faves?

I wish I did, but I have a lot of trouble parsing them a lot of the time.

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

Wonder Woman! The first Harry Potter film. Um. I honestly don’t know.

89: are you close to your parents?

Reasonably, though less so now than I used to be.

91: where do you plan on traveling this year?

Gonna go visit my little sister in Ireland!

93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most?

It’s in a bob so honestly I don’t do anything with it ever, just try to make sure it’s clean and combed.

95: what are your plans for this weekend?

This weekend is almost over already, so let’s talk about the upcoming weekend! I’m finally going to see Last Jedi on Saturday with a group of friends, and then Sunday and Monday, @snarkasaurus and @vagabondsandconventgirls are coming over and we’re going to spend like 48 hours watching movies and eating gallons of spaghetti.

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

IDGAF, Pisces, and Hufflepuff!

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

I answered this one already!

[gayghosttt]

I wanna hear your answers to your questions thingie ☺️

Thank you I am avoiding studying for 3 finals rn lmao

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? More cereal, I do not like milk at all it makes me feel sick Every time lmao

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? Y e s I love being cold

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? mm usually a sticky note

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? I don’t really like tea but I usually have some kind of cold coffee or with cream and 2 sugar if its hot

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?  mmm kind of yes

6: do you keep plants? I don’t currently have any but I love having them

7: do you name your plants?  yes!!

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? currently more words than visual art

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? sometimes, I mostly do it in my head though

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?  I almost always sleep on my left side but I sometimes sleep on my right side or back

11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends? long boy, CRACKS PANTS, What if i was Straight

12: what's your favorite planet? mm I actually don’t know a whole lot about any of them but I think neptune is Very pretty

13: what's something that made you smile today? my friend paige and I sent each other christmas cards and I got hers in the mail today!!

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? there would be his nerdy video game stuff Everywhere and my books and movies everywhere and a little bit of glitter on everything lmao

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! it is quiet Everywhere in space

16: what's your favorite pasta dish? lasagna is the actual love of my life

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?  BLUE OR DARK PURPLE

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. I do alot of dumb things lmao but last semester when I lived in a residence hall with my friends i was always shouting IM GAY down the hallway or kicking my leg up high to put it on the window ledge

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? I am very forgetful so I never keep a journal or sketchbook consistently 

20: what's your favorite eye color? brown

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. I don’t really have a bag that’s lasted a super long time but my little blue makeup bag used to be my sister’s and I’ve been using it since high school 

22: are you a morning person? If I’ve slept enough then yes but when I have classes at 8 am,, no

23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?  sleep in and watch movies

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? mmm probably Steven? He knows most of them already

25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into? THE CHURCH PARKING LOT WE GOT LOCKED INTO TOGETHER AT NIGHT

26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit? I rotate between like 3 pairs but I have some beat up black high tops I’ve had since high school that I love

27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor? usually just minty gum

28: sunrise or sunset?  sunset

29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? steven calls me everytime he’s driving home from school and we always say I love you before hanging up its gay and i love him v much

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? yes a few times

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. okay I get judged for it alot but I wear socks 24/7 I have Too many socks and theyre all cute and yes I wear socks to bed and I wear them all the fricking time I am uncomfy being barefoot

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. Nothing recently but last semester I used to stay up until like 4 am with alot of my friends watching movies and one time like 10 of us watched star wars and had snacks and had a big cuddle pile sleepover on the floor

33: what's your fave pastry? chocolate croissants 

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? mm I have a bunch still bc alot of them were given to me by someone sepcial/ for special reasons and one of my favorites is a pink bear with a dodgers hat that was from my dad when I was a kid

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? I do! If I have stationary I’ll use it to send people mail

36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? currently I’m listening to lana del rey and its fitting

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?  I am an organized messy person so I am like half and half

38: tell us about your pet peeves! when people invite themselves over/ just show up without asking, opening doors without knocking, chewing with your mouth open

39: what color do you wear the most? black

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you? I have a black ring I wear everyday that was from my sister and it makes me think of her since we don’t currently live in the same house while im at college

41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving? How to remodel a man by w. bruce cameron, I found it at the library and got it just bc it sounded like a funny title and it was genuinely the funniest book I’ve ever read I loved it 

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! Either 85 degrees down the street from me bc its really cute and the chocolate bread there is Amazing or coffee bean in my city cause it has a v nice atmosphere and the baristas all know my sister so they’re really friendly

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? I have no idea actually

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? ???????????

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?  I try to

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.  earlier Aaron and I were roasting Morrissey and I said that when moz cancels shows/doesnt show up bc he’s sick its like he just sneezes once and then he’s like,,, oh my god am I,,, Still Ill

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?  tuna

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? I don’t really remember tbh

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? yes!! last record was the Uni single release and its clear and v cool and the last cd was a paul mccartney one i think 

50: what's an odd thing you collect? pins mostly

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? I associate alot of music with a lot of people but one song that reminds me of you is little queenie by sad girl

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?  the one of the white guy making a confused face is maybe my fav

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? rocky and heathers and beetlejuice yes and I love them all v much, I watched pulp fiction once at like 3 am and i slept through alot of it by accident so I cannot give an accurate opinion

54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? my sister

55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point? im not sure but my middle name is dramatic So

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? when they genuinely want to know about how your day was, when they remember something you said a long time ago, when they bring you something out of the blue because they know you like it

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? yes alsways it is one of the best songs ever

58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?  I don’t currently have a solid Group of friends but between us I would say you are probably wine mom and i am vodka aunt lmao

59: what's your favorite myth? I love a lot but rn I love the loch ness monster 

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? yes but currently none are coming to mind lmao

61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received? sometimes I give steven glitter bc i love it and he Hates it lmao but I’m not sure if I’ve ever really gotten a stupid gift?

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? nope, usually just water

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? organized, not necessarily alphabetical or anything but I like things by the same author or artist to be together 

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? black

65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with? alot of my high school and college pals

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? mmm probably a lot of dark red roses and little white flowers

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? kinda depends but usually I like them

68: what's winter like where you live? usually cold and kinda rainy but lately its still in the 80s and hot

69: what are your favorite board games? bingo always

70: have you ever used a ouija board? no and I Maybe would??

71: what's your favorite kind of tea? not super into tea but i don’t mind green tea

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it?  v much so

73: what are some of your worst habits? procrastinating, leaving water bottles on the floor, ignoring instructions 

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. they have brown hair and glasses and really pretty eyes and live in another country and are so sweet and remind me of a little fox

75: tell us about your pets! I don’t have any but my siblings both have fish and barry is my fav little guppy even though he’s a rude drama queen

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't? studying for my finals

77: pink or yellow lemonade? both but I like pink alot

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? h a t e

79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? one of my friends used to make me mixtape cds alot

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? at college they’re just white bc its a dorm but at home they’re blue and my dad and I painted them secretly one summer lmao

81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. looks like the inside of a blue gelpen

82: are/were you good in school? I try to be, I’ve always had a hard time in math and science classes but I’m good with artsy and english classes

83: what's some of your favorite album art? I have,,, to many to pick from

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? currently no? I’m very indecisive so I’m not sure what I would get bc I would want it to have a special meaning

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? not really but I wouldn’t mind

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? probably alot but ziggy stardust and sgt pepper come to mind first

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? eraserhead, big fish, and casablanca

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? mmm yes probably alot but rn I really like zines

89: are you close to your parents? my dad yes my mom is very up and down

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. I really love the Manhattan Beach area it’s always made me really happy since I was a kid something about it just always feels welcoming and familiar to me

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? not sure

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? depends on the pasta but generally I like alot of cheese

93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most? It’s always the same fluffy messy curly besides when I put it up in a little ponytail sometimes

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? my friend tori from high school

95: what are your plans for this weekend? going back home and Finally sleeping alot

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? it usually takes me about a week to finally stop being lazy and do them

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? I think I was ensj or insj or something like that last time i checked, I’m a gemini and I have no idea about my hogwarts house lmao

98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? probably a few years ago and it was pretty okay

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. there are a Lot but lust for life by the band girls always reminds me of myself and i’m listening to flatsound rn and alot of his music hits me hard bc I feel like that alot

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? as much as I would like to have things back from my past I would probably say future, I’d like to skip ahead a bit to when some things have changed and are hopefully better

[sapphicluxanna]

1-100 pls 🌹💕

BABE. oh my god. okay here we go, it’s gonna be long!!

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? more cereal than milk I think?

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? I love winter and everything about it, I’d rather be cold than hot 

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? post it notes, receipts, I’ve used flowers a few times, really anything that’s in reach

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? tea with a little bit of milk and honey, coffee depends on the day? typically with a lil bit of vanilla creamer. when I make my ‘fancy’ coffee at home with frothy milk on top I always top them off with a dusting of cinnamon 

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? always

6: do you keep plants? ye! I have a succulent/cacti terrarium, some sunflowers, jasmine, african violets, tomato plants, hanging planters, and a few more I forget the names of!

7: do you name your plants? not the ones I have currently

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? I love ink. I haven't been able to paint with ink in a while, but the movement of that and watercolor are just.. freeing? I dunno how to explain it.  that and drawing using ink, every mark you make is permanent and I just kinda zone out when doing it

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? aight listen. my future s/o is gonna have to deal with this a lot. shower? singing. car ride? singing. cooking? singing. y'all aint getting a break even if I sound like a dying cat

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? primarily side and stomach!

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? I cant think of many at the moment but uhhhh. hmm. a few guys and I play a game together and I run the group (in rdr2), and we don't let people join it if their horse’s tail isn't braided so we’ll hunt them down and kill them instead

12: what’s your favorite planet? neptune looks beautiful

13: what’s something that made you smile today? the fact that you wanted to know more about me

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? lots and lots of plants, kinda modern, a few fish tanks, smells like lavender and coffee

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! mars has the biggest known volcano!

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish? stupidly basic, but chicken parmesan 

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? I’ve always wanted to impulsively dye it some shade of blue just for a few weeks

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. I got ridiculously drunk off tequila at a house party and was given my first mojito, thought he picked leaves off the tree out back and threw them in so I dug them out and threw them around the yard in disgust. I have a very vague memory of this but they always give me crap for it

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? I have a couple! one is my bujo where I keep lists of things like self care ideas, favorite movies and books, quotes, friend stuff, etc. another I use to draw in and like to recreate van gogh sketches, others are private 

20: what’s your favorite eye color? y'all ever really see brown eyes? oof

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. I don't have this?

22: are you a morning person? I could be if I woke up next to the right person

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? netflix binging, reading, aquarium shopping, walks with my dog in the woods, making stupid pancakes, and league with a babe

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? it takes time for me to trust people, so probably all my life at some point with a girl. as for family? no

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? I’ve locked myself outta my place a few times and had to go through the window

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? several pairs of sandals and slides!

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? just regular mint?

28: sunrise or sunset? watching the sunset on a blanket in the grass with a girl I care about 

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? her voice gets a lil louder and she talks fast when she's excited about something and its flipping adorable

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? yes. 

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. I love fluffy socks and patterned socks and ones with dinosaurs and stuff and I love socks so much, don't sleep in them though

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. we played a drinking game based off how we did in a split screen game, one drink for every kill, got v drunk that night 

33: what’s your fave pastry? I love baclava but I’m horribly allergic to walnuts

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? I still have it! my dad went down to south carolina a lot and I was, and still am, very much in love with alligators. I think I was six or something but he came home with this giant garbage bag and was moving it like there was an animal inside and when I opened it, it was a giant stuffed alligator. he's currently sitting on my bed, but seems a lot smaller now

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? I really wanna get into using thicker paper for letters with pressed wax seals and pressed flowers 

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? I don’t really focus on individual bands too much tbh, I bounce around a lot within genres. anything happy and country atm

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? I’m tryna keep it cleaner, better habit to make myself get into 

38: tell us about your pet peeves! people smoking around me (I don't care that you smoke whatever, I just ask you don't do it around me bc it makes me feel sick), a group of people that takes up the whole sidewalk going incredibly slow, people that cut me off in traffic without turn signals, people who f around in the tsa line and don't get ready then stand there for ten minutes taking everything off for the scanner and hold us up, “there” and “their” and “they’re” misuses, etc. jeez, didn't realize I had so many and that's not even all of them

39: what color do you wear the most? blue?

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? I love my claddagh ring, my mom and sister both have the same one and we all match. currently not wearing it bc it was like 100 degrees F then other day and it burned my finger?????

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? asoiaf!!!!

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! I like this lil coffee shop about half an hour away, every drink has an individual and funny name and the workers are nice 

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? I honestly can’t remember, but I could really go for this right now

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? uhhhh it’s been a bit? lotta stressors recently 

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? I try to, should've listened to them regarding some stuff and I didn’t 

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. what do you call a blind dinosaur? a do-you-think-he-saurus.

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? broccoli

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? santa and the dark, no on both accounts now 

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? no, I just use apple music 

50: what’s an odd thing you collect? I dunno about odd, but I keep seashells and shark teeth I find on beaches 

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? somebody to love

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? uhhhh I’m bad at keeping up with when these come out but probably the “wait was anyone going to tell me ___ or was I supposed to find out in this ___”

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? I haven't seen these sorry!

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? my dad

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? I honestly cannot think of this right now

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? when they get excited about something, when their eyes sparkle a bit in sunlight, when they’re touchy (only certain ones), compassion, weird hobbies and interests, etc

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? it’s an experience. listen with headphones on high or don't listen to it at all

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? I guess I’d be the wine mom bc I don't drink heavily too often with my friends cause I’m usually the dd, vodka aunt would go to my friend S cause hell she puts that shit away fast

59: what’s your favorite myth? I love greek mythology

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? sappho

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? a lil cat bank that grabs a coin with its paw and drags it into the box and a potato, respectively 

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? not usually

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? I kept all of my books on a shelf before the move but idk what imma do with them now bc I have no room for a bookcase so they're kinda messy rn

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? pale blue and cloudy

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? a friend who moved away a few years ago, I miss her 

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? oooooh. hmm. lots of blues and pinks and purples with lil twisty brown vines?

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? I love them, 10/10, perfect. 

68: what’s winter like where you live? we either get 3 feet of snow overnight or a dusting, there’s no in between

69: what are your favorite board games? I cant remember the last time I played a board game??? I liked the game of life and monopoly when I was a kid 

70: have you ever used a ouija board? nope

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? whatever happens to be in the cabinet!

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? I have the memory of a goldfish

73: what are some of your worst habits? letting people get away with things they've done to me, being too lenient with people that make me uncomfortable, etc

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. they’re such a good friend and we have enough years built into our friendship that we can go a few weeks without talking and be right where we left off. they’re kind and caring and ready to help people when they need it 

75: tell us about your pets! my cat is an 8 year old lil grump, but he gets so freaking affectionate and lovey too. he knows when I’m anxious and will come up and sit on my chest and purr. my dog’s a ball of jumping energy, she's always excited and happy, she’s only 2 so hopefully she’ll mellow out. then my clownfish are flipping adorable even though they try to bite my fingers when I’m working on the aquarium 

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? unpacking and socializing with family

77: pink or yellow lemonade? pink lemonade 

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? I don't care about them really, but the facebook minion memes passed around by moms gotta stop

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? one of my exes surprise got me flowers sometimes, while the relationship just didn't work that was a cute action 

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? they’re kinda beige-ish? I just moved here and I don’t wanna repaint them

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. hmm. one of my friends’ eyes are like the leaves on the forest floor, an assortment of greens and browns blended together with the occasional fleck of gold when light filters through the trees

82: are/were you good in school? I’m okay? In high school I was in honor classes and stuff and I've made the deans list a few times in college so far, but honestly I think I’m just average. I have a lot of issues with math and it’s why I couldn't go into one of the fields I was considering. I get overwhelmed quickly

83: what’s some of your favorite album art? tbh I don't look at this kinda stuff but I know kesha’s rainbow was good?

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? ye! I want a small humpback whale on my left inner wrist, they mean a lot to me and I finally got to see one in person just last year. then I have some scars on my thigh I’ve been tossing around the idea of getting a tattoo to cover up, but idk if I would or what I would get 

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? no sorry! I always wanted to when I was younger but I got psyched out by guys who would say they're not for girls who I never took advantage of the comic shop a family friend owns 

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? I dunno what this is and I’m too tired to google it but imma guess its about music? to which I say I’m v bad at keeping up with everyones stuff 

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? the princess bride, star wars, lord of the rings, the sound of music, indiana jones (NOT crystal skull, it sucked), jurassic park, and a lottttt more. 

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? impressionism, post impressionism, and expressionism 

89: are you close to your parents? ish. 

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. I absolutely loved st. malo in france. I need to go back. it’s a giant walled city on the water and it’s just beautiful. I sat and watched an artist on the street for a while and bought two of his paintings afterward, gotta figure out where to hang them in my new bedroom. the air smelled amazing, it rained a lot when I was there but I still loved it and I wish I’d had more time to really explore than I did

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? I wanted to go to sri lanka to see my family but I don’t think it’s gonna happen, but I’ve got my fingers crossed for pennsylvania cause reasons 

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? cheese is life

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? I braid it overnight and wear it down during the day!

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? my dad a few days ago 

95: what are your plans for this weekend? I think I’ve got another family party to go to? feel kinda done with my fam rn though

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? I literally just installed 2 years worth of updates this morning, so yeah, I procrastinate updates quite a bit 

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? idk what the first thing is but the others are scorpio and slytherin!

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? oh wow I can’t remember, but imma say yes? I wanna hike with my dog at some point 

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. somebody to love, la mer, and some others

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? 5 years into the future. I hope that future me is happy and comfy with someone she loves surrounded by their plants, aquariums, pets, and love. 

[lumos-star684]

All of them. Just to be a pain

Can’t believe I’m about to answer these but its either this or a marketing assignment so here goes…

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

more cereal

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

Yes! 

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

blank revision cards and raffle tickets

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

white with sugar

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?

yes

6: do you keep plants?

non but i would like to (in fact, I’m going to buy one next week)

7: do you name your plants?

nope

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

none im not very creative :(

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?

yep

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

side or stomach usually

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?

hmmm can’t think of this (wait you should know this any idea?)

12: what’s your favorite planet?

Pluto

13: what’s something that made you smile today?

my little niece started talking to me about flying pigs

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

like the friends apartment with loads of little quirky shit

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

Venus is the only planet that spins backwards relative to the other planets.

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish?

good ole simple pasta with tomato sauce and cheese

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

dark purple 

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

i have no stories omg 

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?

non

20: what’s your favorite eye color?

don’t have one in particular, depends on the person really 

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

there was my little karrimor rucksack that i had all throughout (most of ) secondary school and it broke on the day before the last day of Year 11 but still holds a special place in my heart

22: are you a morning person?

nooooooooo (unless its morning where you’ve been up all night)

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?

make tea and watch tv

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

nope (i don’t have a lot of secrets though??)

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?

a hotel kitchen (by accident i should add)

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

at the moment, my black boots

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?

mint?? idek

28: sunrise or sunset?

sunset

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?

there’s this one little shit that always sends me asks on tumblr

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

yes

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about sock

socks, my friend, are a fucking brilliant invention. i have a bit of love-hate relationship with socks because i feel like they confine your feet (i mean why would you want to lock your feet into little pockets of cloth?) but on the other hand THEY’RE SO CUTE. little socks with funky patterns and little animals and the super soft house socks as well. having said that, all my socks are black with either pink purple or blue on the foot and heel parts. SO, my favourite thing to do is always wear mismatched socks - but nobody can tell because the main part of the sock is black. It’s like a little secret I can wear all day knowing that my socks are not the same even though it looks like they are.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

we’d just left a club in prague and headed over to burger king. we sat down and then out of nowhere in the middle of prague this group of gujarati kids came and sat down next to us. I had a conversation with them and forgot that the other girls hadn’t the foggiest idea what the fuck we were talking about. we were leaving and then one of them asked me to marry him……

33: what’s your fave pastry?

er…something with chocolate? or apples

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

there was this little black dog that used to be my sister’s, i can’t remember what i used to call him but I’ve still got him somewhere

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?

I absolutely love them but can never bring myself to use them (I eventually did and my Latin notes are so fucking pretty)

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?

Bahamas

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?

messy but organised messy

38: tell us about your pet peeves!

when people walk slowly in the middle of the street and when people think they’re better than you

39: what color do you wear the most?

black

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?

i have a little harry potter necklace i got for my 16th which i wear almost every day

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?

me before you

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

don’t like coffee shops much

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

nobody

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

last sunday

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?

no lol they’re shit

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

all puns are good puns

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

ermm dunnoo

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

can’t remember exactly what my biggest fear was, but it’s not the same as today (although probably quite similar)

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

nope don’t own any

50: what’s an odd thing you collect?

empty glue sticks

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?

you - la vie en rose

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

LOOL some of the trump and theresa may ones have been pretty good

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?

no but they’re all on my list to watch

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

probably a stranger on the train

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?

moved out 

56: what are some things you find endearing in people?

people tagging in posts and memes

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

currently ill in bed so i didn’t even move -_-

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

keef is the wine mom and i reckon you will be the vodka aunt :)

59: what’s your favorite myth?

there was this one where zeus was cheating on hera and when he got caught he turned the woman into a cow

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

yes! usually just snippets i read on the internet though

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?

given is what we gave keef and received…i don’t think ive ever received a stupid gift?

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

sometimes yes, either the innocent strawberry and banana smoothie or the orange and passionfruit tropicana

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

music yes, it all has to be in particular playlists and books no, they’re just stacked randomly

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

bright blueee

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with?

you :( and a couple of people from school actually

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?

tiny little black red and purple flowers

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

a bit eh actually, but also nice if i’m inside and in bed

68: what’s winter like where you live?

not great, just a bit grim and rainy and no snow

69: what are your favorite board games?

monopolyyyy

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

nope

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea?

breakfast tea

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?

1000000% yes

73: what are some of your worst habits?

picking at the skin around my fingers and overthinking (the standard tbh)

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

newcastle born and bred sarcastic little shit who can be a bit annoying but also has a heart of gold

75: tell us about your pets!

MY LITTLE BABYYYYY Goghi is my cat - black with little white paws, a white stripe down her front and a white moustache. Softest fucking fur EVER. She has one funny eye, hates people and sleeps all day. I also have about twenty fish in the pond and two little ones in a tank inside. Varying sizes and no names

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?

a marketing assignment, the laundry and cleaning my room 

77: pink or yellow lemonade?

noooo idea..

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

fanclub. they’re one in a minion those things

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

little things like when people come and see me i cant think of a particular example

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

beige and nope we just painted the whole house that colour

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

*can’t remember what anyone’s eyes look like*

82: are/were you good in school?

yeah i was a pretty good student

83: what’s some of your favorite album art?

the airborne toxic event and green day’s american idiot

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

yesss but not sure yet!

85: do you read comics? what are your faves?

nope

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

i have never heard of concept albums (upon googling it appears i do like some of them, yes)

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

3 idiots, dead poets society and kuch kuch hota hai amongst others

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

non

89: are you close to your parents?

eh

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.

Londonnn - its just….everything (but also expensive)

91: where do you plan on traveling this year?

croatia, Bosnia and Herzegovina  and hopefully a couple of other city breaks

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

drowns

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?

hair down if its straight or pony tail if its curly

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

my little cousin’s birthday was yesterday

95: what are your plans for this weekend?

stay in be all weekend drink tea and eat soup

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

procrastinate, all the time

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

INTJ/INTP, gemini and ravenclaw

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

ncs? loved it but also hated it because i don’t like climbing

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

Current favourites: Sometime Around Midnight, Vampire Smile and Wasn’t Expecting That

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

Future - five years ago i was there and twas a bit shite

oh my god you don’t know how long those took me YOU BETTER READ THEM ALL @findinganiqa XXX

[rebelaesthetic]

Get To Know Me Questions

1. What is your full name? Monica J. That’s all you get :P

2. What is your nickname? Moni but I would like folks to also use MJ sometimes just because I think it’s cool lmfao

3. What is your zodiac sign?  Cancer with Leo tendencies (cusp baby!)

4. What is your favorite book series? Harry Potter <3

5. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? Yup! Especially ghosts since I lived in a haunted house as a kid and seen my fair share >.<

6. Who is your favorite author? Jane Austen

7. What is your favorite radio station? um, I listen to Hits 1 on Sirius SXM a lot o.O

8. What is your favorite flavor of anything? Vanilla

9. What word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? Awesome?

10. What is your current favorite song? Well for the past week I’ve been obsessed with “Shape of You” by Ed Sheeran

11. What is your favorite word? Concur

12. What was the last song you listened to? Don’t Wanna Know by Maroon 5

13. What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch? The Office! (American Version of course cuz it’s hilarious lolz)

14. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? I don’t really have one? But I love watching ANY version of Pride and Prejudice whenever lolz

15. Do you play video games? Some, mostly dancing games

16. What is your biggest fear? Dying a painful death maybe?

17. What is your best quality, in your opinion? I can be nice? Maybe? I really don’t know lolz

18. What is your worst quality, in your opinion? I get paranoid and make assumptions and give myself unneeded stress lolz

19. Do you like cats or dogs better? It used to be cats but I have 2 dogs and 2 cats and I love them all equally lolz

20. What is your favorite season? Summer

21. Are you in a relationship? Yep, 6 1/2 year....so long gaaaaaahd XD

22. What is something you miss from your childhood? No bills

23. Who is your best friend? I’d consider my friends Kristina, Ashley, and Mahogany my besties ^_^

24. What is your eye color? Brown

25. What is your hair color? Brown

26. Who is someone you love? My boyfriend

27. Who is someone you trust? My boyfriend

28. Who is someone you think about often? Gong Yoo.....thought I’d say my boyfriend didn’t you? XD

29. Are you currently excited about/for something? Nothing is really coming to mind

30. What is your biggest obsession? Kpop, Krnb, Gong Yoo

31. What was your favorite TV show as a child? Charmed and Buffy the Vampire Slayer

32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? My bf I guess?

33. Are you superstitious? maybe a little?

34. Do you have any unusual phobias? I’m afraid of clowns and spiders but I don’t think those are unusual

35. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? behind it

36. What is your favorite hobby? Singing and Graphic Design

37. What was the last book you read? Harry Potter and The Cursed Child

38. What was the last movie you watched? hmmm The Suspect starring Gong Yoo

39. What musical instruments do you play, if any? I used to play the flute and I’ve dabbled in piano.

40. What is your favorite animal? Horses

41. What are your top 5 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow? @deantheofficial​ (obviously XD), @seoulpimpin​, @fy-dean​, @gong-jicheol​, @deanfluenzed​ but there are so many others too <3

42. What superpower do you wish you had? Teleportation

43. When and where do you feel most at peace? At home in my bed lolz

44. What makes you smile? Gong Yoo lolz

45. What sports do you play, if any? hahahaha what’s that XD

46. What is your favorite drink? Creme Soda

47. When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? um, a legit letter? Couple of years ago maybe to my pen pal in Korea.

48. Are you afraid of heights? Not really but I can get freaked out a little depending on the situation

49. What is your biggest pet peeve? WHEN PEOPLE DON’T KNOW THE FUCKING DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOUR/YOU’RE AND THEY’RE/THEIR/THERE!!!!

50. Have you ever been to a concert? Many

51. Are you vegan/vegetarian? Nope

52. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? Nurse, then a Singer

53. What fictional world would you like to live in? Harry Potter <3

54. What is something you worry about? Not becoming successful in my own terms

55. Are you scared of the dark? I thrive in it

56. Do you like to sing? Of course, I’m pretty good I think lolz

57. Have you ever skipped school? haha yeah

58. What is your favorite place on the planet? My bedroom

59. Where would you like to live? California.....maybe Korea, maybe

60. Do you have any pets? 4, 2 dogs Ryker and Dax (Star Trek nerd yup lolz) and 2 cats Muu and Binx

61. Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? Night Owl

62. Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? Sunsets

63. Do you know how to drive? Yes, but I don’t like to it gives me anxiety

64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? Don’t really have a preference but I tend to only use earbuds

65. Have you ever had braces? Nope

66. What is your favorite genre of music? Krnb/90s RnB

67. Who is your hero? no one? o.O

68. Do you read comic books? Nope

69. What makes you the most angry? When you have something to tell me but you say “I’m going to wait” >.>

70. Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? Real book

71. What is your favorite subject in school? Math and Science

72. Do you have any siblings? yep, 4 sisters and 2 brothers

73. What was the last thing you bought? cupcakes, latex gloves for work, milk, and air heads lolz

74. How tall are you? 5′3 3/4

75. Can you cook? I think I”m fairly decent

76. What are three things that you love? Music, Dean, Gong Yoo (and my bf just gonna throw that in there lolz)

77. What are three things that you hate? Cold Weather, Brussel Sprouts, Taylor Swift

78. Do you have more female friends or more male friends? More Female friends at this point in my life lolz

79. What is your sexual orientation? Pansexual

80. Where do you currently live? in Illinois *sigh*

81. Who was the last person you texted? Yessenia but it was facebook messenger, does that count? lolz

82. When was the last time you cried? Friday because my stupid iPhone thought it’d be cute to wipe most of my damn music and it took me forever to get all my shit on this gaht damn phone XD

83. Who is your favorite YouTuber? Don’t really have a favorite

84. Do you like to take selfies? Not often

85. What is your favorite app? Mystic Messenger <3

86. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? hmmm I love my mom, I have daddy issues.

87. What is your favorite foreign accent? English, Australian, and Irish maybe?

88. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? South Korea

89. What is your favorite number? 3

90. Can you juggle? nope

91. Are you religious? a bit, but not a huge amount

92. Do you find outer space of the deep ocean to be more interesting? Outer Space

93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? not really lolz

94. Are you allergic to anything? Nickel (the metal not the money) and dust unfortunately lolz

95. Can you curl your tongue? yep

96. Can you wiggle your ears? nope

97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? I’m never wrong >.>

98. Do you prefer the forest or the beach? beach

99. What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? nothing comes to mind

100. Are you a good liar? when I have to be

101. What is your Hogwarts House? Ravenclaw/Slytherclaw

102. Do you talk to yourself? Not out loud lolz

103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Ambivert

104. Do you keep a journal/diary? not really

105. Do you believe in second chances? depends

106. If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? Look around to make sure no one was watching, pick it up, take the money. Screw y’all I got bills and shit XD

107. Do you believe that people are capable of change? I would like to think so but my hope for humanity is thin

108. Are you ticklish? Yes and I will fucking punch you in the face if you try to do that shit to me >.>

109. Have you ever been on a plane? Yep

110. Do you have any piercings? My ears

111. What fictional character do you wish was real? Kim Shin

112. Do you have any tattoos? Nope but I’d like some

113. What is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? To stop caring what others think of me and to do what makes ME happy. I don’t do things that give me stress, I don’t have the time for all of that.

114. Do you believe in karma? Yup

115. Do you wear glasses or contacts? Neither

116. Do you want children? Yes

117. Who is the smartest person you know? my bf is pretty intelligent

118. What is your most embarrassing memory? too many XD

119. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? yep

120. What color are most of you clothes? Black....

121. Do you like adventures? Every now and then

122. Have you ever been on TV? No? Maybe? probably no but I could have been seen in some parades during high school I dunno lolz

123. How old are you? 28....*sigh*

124. What is your favorite quote? “DON’T LET EM IN LET EM IN GET OUT MY ZONE!” XD

125. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? both

c: @yougoghkiddo