#this is the last thing imma say about this hopefully i don’t see someone on here getting bugged about this

[berylcups]

Abbacchio x Reader :drabbles

“Just Friends”

Cw: drinking, dubious consent? (It’s like tipsy consenting but imma tag it as dubious just in case. Drink wisely lovelies 🍷) also this is OOC AF but for it’s myself indulgence lol MINOR DNI

Notes: here’s some drabbles from my storage. Hopefully this will keep y’all full until I got my other work completed. Let’s just say there’s some cuck fuckery going on mwahaha 💜 Beryl

Y/N was the 2nd to last addition to Bucciaratis' team. They were quiet,and reserved. They didn’t like to talk much so it was a breath of fresh air for Abbacchio. The last thing he needed was another talkative brat to annoy him. He did find them to be a little suspicious…of course it turned out they just had social anxiety.

The rowdy boys would scare Y/N back into their shell and they’d stop opening up for a while. Much to bucciaratis dismay he would have to scold the others into behaving properly so Y/N felt comfortable enough to open up and bond with the rest of the team.

What’s a way for Y/N to loosen up? Alcohol of course. Specifically wine. The team was celebrating another win for taking down a rivaling group in their territory. It was past hours at the restaurant so they all drank and ate as much as their hearts desired. Now all that’s left is Abbacchio and Y/N. Y/N is much more relaxed and talkative when they are tipsy. They 're pretty fun to be around!

“Prosecco? Pfft you’re a lightweight and a wine newbie.” Abbacchio teased.

“I only like what tastes sweet. The dry stuff makes my face pucker and upsets my stomach.” Y/N stuck their tongue out.

“Of course it upsets your stomach. You’re drinking it way too fast. You’re supposed to sip it.” He snickered. “ Here, try some of mine with the dark chocolate since you like sweet things so much.” He offered his glass to them and they took a sip and ate a piece of chocolate.

“Hmm…tastes better this time .” Y/N said concentrating on the flavors lingering in their mouth.

“See? I told you it’s better when you drink it slowly. Now you don’t have to rely on those cheap newbie wines anymore.” He said acting smug.

“Yeah but… I still like the sweeter one better .” Y/N teased.

“ You uncultured brat.” He chuckled.

Abbacchio was surprised to find someone that he could genuinely get along with. This was the first time Y/N truly bonded with any of the team. When sober, Y/N was still a little shy and pretty reserved but around Abbacchio they felt completely at ease. They were low key about it but they became close friends.

When Y/Ns CD player stopped working they were pretty frustrated. He offered one of his ear buds to listen to his music. This raised a few eyebrows, abbacchio never shared his music before.

You two had an evening ritual that just seemed to develop on its own where you would be the last ones up at night. You both enjoyed each other’s company and the comforting silence that came with it. Just drinking wine and listening to music. An occasional conversation would eventually pop up whenever he felt the need to say something.

“You should really stop biting your nails Y/N. It’s a bad habit and can cause nail damage.” Abbacchio would gently scold. “ Let me paint your nails. That will help you curb your habit. I think this color would look good on you.” He held your hands and filed your nails to an even length. Feeling how soft and small your hands are compared to his larger ones made him feel some sort of way… he never felt a feeling like this before. Is this what love is? No way, you wouldn’t like someone like him. Better suppress those feelings. He doesn’t realize how his low confidence is blinding what he’s seeing in front of them. He can’t see that you like him just as much but lack the confidence yourself as well.

————————————-

When Giorno joined he saw how quickly you went back into your shell again. Great- we made all this progress and this brat waltzes in and fucks everything up. You always clam up around new people and get shaky. He’ll gently place his hand over yours under the privacy of the table to calm you down. He’s gonna put you at ease by doing an old party trick…perfect for tea parties. You completely forgot about your anxiety seeing him put his back to you and hear him pissing into the teapot.

“You gotta be shitting me…” You thought in shock.

“Here… I hope you enjoy it. I made it myself.” He said deadpan to the newbie.

“?!” They clasped a hand over their mouth to keep themselves from bursting out laughing. They could feel the tears beginning to prick their eyes.

Of course your laughter would turn to horror when you see the young blonde down the “special tea” like it was his first drink he’s had in days.

Giorno would be a hindrance to your peace of mind but if it wasn’t for him, Abbacchio wouldn’t feel the desperate need to hold onto you tighter.

—————————————

“Eggplant parmigiana again Y/N? You don’t wanna try anything new? Here, try my Pasta alla Genovese. You’ll like it I promise.” He knew you were afraid of trying new things in case you didn’t like it and end up offending someone. He didn’t really understand the fear of offending someone but he knew it was just how your personality is. You were considerate of everyone and he thought that endearing but could also be a hindrance to you.

He pushed his plate closer to you so you could get a forkful, and you hesitantly put it in your mouth. He was right! It was delicious, you kinda regret not getting it.

“Wow you were right. That is good. It’s super meaty.” You said covering your full mouth while talking.

“I’ll give you half of mine if you give me half of yours.” He offered.

“Yessssss” You said excitedly.

“But you can only drink Chianti.” He smirked

“ fine— you wine snob.” You huffed pretending to be annoyed.

“Hey- how about sharing with us huh? Give me half of half your Genovese and you can have half of half of my fagioli!” Narancia complained.

“Shut u-“Abbacchio says before getting cut off by a fuming Fugo.

“Half of half?! Don’t you mean a QUARTER?! Have you LEARNED NOTHING?! you STUPID BASTARDO!.”Fugo blew a gasket and stabbed Narancias with a fork…again.

———————————————————————

You have a habit of falling asleep during long travels and you always somehow end up with your head on Abbacchios shoulder knocked out like a log. The smell of his shampoo and his cologne blend together perfectly and listening to the music he shares just puts you into another world where you forget about being crammed in a van with a bunch of rowdy boys.

“Aww aren’t you sweet letting Y/N sleep on you like that!” Mista teased. “You both look adorable ~”

“Shut the fuck up. You’re gonna wake them up and we’re just friends.” He gave Mista and the rest of the giggling crew the middle finger.

“…just friends…” you repeated in your sleep.

“Suuuuurrrreee buddy.” Mista teased as he gave him the finger guns and a cheesy ass wink.

“Get bent.” Abbacchio proceeded to throw an empty water bottle at him for that.

“…Are we there yet..?” You yawn, squinting your eyes as you adjust to the light.

“Not even close…” he growls. “ just go back to sleep. Y/N.”

Abbacchio gives Mista a scornful look that could kill him.

“H-hey don’t look at me like that! You throwing shit is what woke them up!” Mista said, trying not to fuel Abbacchios anger further.

———————————————————————

It was another night of you two drinking together but you decided to take it up into his bedroom for some privacy since a couple were still up playing video games in the living room. You were admiring the amount of makeup he has.

“You always know how to look so nice. I don’t even know how to put the stuff on other than foundation and mascara.” You sheepishly confessed .

“You have a nice natural look. But if you’d like I can show you how to use some of mine to change it up a bit. I have a few lipstick colors that would look amazing on you” he said getting some makeup off his makeup vanity.

His hand was gentle when he held your face, his ametrine eyes felt like they were staring directly into your soul as he applied the eyeliner on your face. You could feel your face getting red from the intense eye contact, his eyes were so gorgeous. You have never seen a 2 toned eye color before.

“If your eyes are hooded it’s best to go with a thinner line so it doesn’t smudge…” he said, focusing on the other eye now. “You can go thicker if you want but you need to wait a little bit to make sure it dries.”

“Okay…” was all you could mutter out. Him being so close made you get a little shy again like when you first met.

He wanted to keep staring into your pretty eyes, they were hypnotizing up close but he had to break contact to get out the lipstick.

It was your favorite color and it compliments your skin tone well. Looking at your lips as he put it on you was giving him impulsive thoughts. The way he instructed you to pout your lips made you look so kissable. His mind went into autopilot mode, he moved closer to you and you did the same. He kept staring at your perfectly colored lips and gently brushed his lavender ones against yours.

“Shit!” He realized what he did and jumped back and started apologizing profusely.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to do that—I’m kinda drunk so I’m not thinking straight-“

You cut him off by kissing him back.

“?!” If it wasn’t for his full coverage foundation his entire face would be red.

“You’re fine.”you say. “I…uh… kinda always wanted to do that.“ you confessed looking away sheepishly. “I really like you a lot .”

“Oh? And you kept this from me all this time?” He said trying to regain his confidence.

“And you didn’t notice all this time?” You gently teased.

“You brat.” He smirked and roughly pulled you closer to kiss you deeply.

You never did get a good look at how he did with your makeup. Confessing your feelings and making out is much more confidence boosting than a makeover.

———————————————————————

You two decided to be lowkey about your relationship, the last thing you two wanted was to be teased by the others. Also neither of you are a fan of PDA, it just adds unwanted attention and it’s kinda gross having people watch you.

That doesn't mean he doesn’t mean doesn’t make his affection known. Under the privacy of the table he likes to hold your hand. If he’s feeling flirtatious his hand is on your thigh. He'll run his hand up your inner thigh, give a good squeeze and massage it a bit. You have to do everything you can not to blush or just cream yourself.

———————————————————————

At the restaurant he would sneak off with you into the bathroom to have some impromptu alone time. Around you he just gets so needy so easily. He has you against the wall with one of your legs hiked around his hip as he grinds his clothed erection into your crotch. He’s muffling your moans with open mouth kisses and lots of tongue. He always tastes like his favorite wine and with how good he makes you feel it’s like you could get drunk off of his kisses.

He always has to have a handkerchief and an extra tube of lipstick on him to keep both of your little secrets a secret. He’s definitely looking for a transfer proof brand of lipstick for both of you to wear so you don't have to worry about all the smudging. But… seeing his lip prints all over you gets him off hard.

———————————————————————

When you don’t have missions together and you’re spending a few nights apart it’s tough on you both. But distance does make the heart grow stronger, and so does your neediness for him. You both make the best of the situation with what you have. Late night conversations that end up leading to some heavy sexual topics. He texts the lewdest things that you have to go read in private and even touch yourself to due to how graphic he’s being.

“Oh the things I would like to do to you right now... I’d kill just to have you with me.”

“You think you could ride me when I get home? I love watching your cute face as you try to take me all in.”

“ I want to watch your mascara run down your face as I make you cry my name.”

“You think you can take my entire load or do you think it will leak out? The thought of creampie-ing you is making me feral.”

“I can’t wait to get out of this hell hole. These brats are annoying me. The minute I get home I’m going to blow your back out. I swear I’m going to fuck the living hell out of you”

———————————————————————

When you have missions together you make sure to get a room. Bucciarati spares no expense and makes sure that everyone has at least a decent place to stay for the night. You think a nice hotel would have thicker walls but poor Narancia and Fugo did NOT get any sleep that night.

He had you on to your back in a mating press pounding mercilessly into your sopping wet cunt.

“Shit Leone~!”you mewled clinging on to him.

“That’s right bambina. You keep saying my name” he panted while nibbling on your ear.

“Fuck you’re tight… I’m never sharing you. You’re all mine” he growled.

Your feet were hitting the wall as he buried his cock deep into your tight cunt at a brutal pace. He let go of one of your legs and rubbed circles on your clit.

“Oh god~ Leone~ you’re going to make me cum!” You cried as tears ran down your cheeks.

“That’s right- you cum for me. Cum with me!” He grunted.

You felt the warm release inside making you feel pleasantly full. The knot in your belly tightened and legs spasmed, your toes curled, you felt the fire in you intensify and the knot finally snapped.

“Oh fuck~ Leo I’m cumming!” You howled as you arched your back.

You didn’t have time to bask in the afterglow, you both suddenly felt weightless for a brief second and a loud crash. You both broke the hotel bed!

A zip sound came from the door-“ I heard a commotion! Abbacchio are you being attacked?!” Bucciarati burst in and his eyes fell on the both of you and his face went red.

“!!!” You quickly covered your chest with the sheet. “Uh-um….” You couldn’t form any sentences.

“Let me guess…Just friends huh?” Bucciarati teased with a shit eating grin

“Bucciarati…with all due respect-please get the fuck out.” Abbacchio said deadpan trying not to get embarrassed.

“Oh alright… but you’re paying for the damages.” He smirked as he opened the door and left.

So much for keeping everything a secret…

[prismonautic]

baneful witchcraft — to cast, or to not cast?

imma start posting more things that aren’t JUST spells, i need some things to fill in my blog between projects 😅 so let’s discuss this my loves.

well, if you want to get a scale of how necessary (or unnecessary) your baneful witchcraft should be, imagine the interactions you had + are about to do as physical actions.

rule of thumb: if it’s not something that you’d do to someone in real life, it’s probably best you don’t try to do it astrally either.

if you not about it, don’t go looking for that type of smoke.

for example:

say that there was a really rude customer you’ve had, and they’re some stranger that you (hopefully) don’t see again. are you going to:

A) be petty and ensure that they have a hard time getting what they want because they were that mean to you?

B) punch them in the face, drag them off of the premises, and walk away?

C) find their address, kidnap them, and skin them alive in your basement?

if you’re someone who chose A — you’ve retaliated in the form of jinxing.

something quick and petty that allows you to get your lick back, but nothing long-term that implicates both of y’all for a hard time. this is comparable to a jinx, light baneful work. they’re pretty easy to cast, pretty easy to break. not that serious unless you dealing with someone who REALLY takes offense to that and will snap back harder on you.

if you’re someone who chose B — you’ve retaliated in the form of a hex.

i hope that you’re someone who fantasized about doing that instead of actually carrying it out in real life. if you actually carry this out in real life, i pray you got someone to bail you out. i understand the sentiment because there are times where i’ve wanted to beat the shit out of customers who were being vile to me, but it’s not worth any of the potential consequences if you chose the wrong person!

if you’re someone who chose C — you’ve retaliated in the form of a curse.

and … you should probably not be wielding baneful witchcraft because this is the definition of fuck around and find out + it’s REALLY not that serious. transmute some of that hatred into some abundance for you baby, that energy could go towards much better things actually worth your time.

if you chose this option for some reason, you need to get better at picking your battles and directing your energy towards better things — plus, i don’t think that interaction warrants the amount of innocent lives you’ll affect by gravely harming that person. you’re also setting yourself up for some pretty bad retaliation from other forces too.

so like… while i’m all for baneful works, i’m NOT for throwing it around lightly! again, treating baneful works like they’re candy to toss around is an amazing way to fuck around and find out.

additional closing notes

it’s unlikely that you’ll find yourself in a situation where you need to use a vile curse. if you have to resort to that after everything else failed to work, i’m sorry for what you went through and i hope you get the retribution you deserve.

hexes, it’s likely you’ll have some long-term situations that warrant them!

just make sure there’s a kill-switch in the spell (eg. if someone stops their gossiping for three months, the hex will automatically break). not a good idea to make a hex long-lasting no matter what conditions — extending the duration with no outlet basically makes it a curse.

jinxes, i personally rarely cast because i prefer to calm down and direct my energy to somewhere else.

i don’t like immediately resorting to malice. however, i find that they’re pretty good in teaching quick lessons for repeated annoyances. got an annoying neighbor that won’t stay out of your business? a witch could just jinx them to have enough problems around their own house that they only worry about their own business. quick, a little meanspirited, but you not straight up assaulting them for being a nuisance.

if you have the power, make sure to use it responsibly + avoid fucking around too much if you don’t want to find out! if you want to fuck around, at least cover your ass enough to do it.

end of the blog!

fly away my oneironauts !!!

[khaleesiofalicante]

Dani, dani, dani.

you already KNOW we’re gonna have to break down this new chapter. hopefully this ask isn’t too long, but i’ve got so many things to mention:

“And neither time did David do anything wrong but love a little too much.” and this will be the very sad beginning of a litany of great lines in the chapter

“You can keep thinking of him for eternity. I just want it to hurt every time you do.” as cruel as the line is, i really think it’s one of the clearest ways for the reader to understand mallory’s values

david manipulating mallory into feeding the kids, this man can be dangerously smart when he wants to be

logan 🥴🤢🤮

“I’m sorry,” David said. “Did he marry you?” I KNOW THATS RIGHT

max don’t stop calling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

nooooo not the “they’re my kids” scene 😣

“You don’t have that. You don’t have what it takes to love him.” I 👏 KNOW 👏 THATS 👏RIGHT 👏

“He ruined Max and Max let him do it” dani why must you play with my sanity like this?

the flashback feels like the last piece of the puzzle. we already have a pretty clear picture of what happened, this scene just fills in any gaps and we can move on from the past and talk about mavids future

“how can i make it better?” max >>>>>>

if it wasn’t put in the show, what did david put in the show for when mallory visited him? we know there’s a torture scene, but do people just assume mallory did it soley out of jealousy?

“when did you stop trusting me with your pain” your honor, i would like to sue for the intentional affliction of emotional distress

“Because I promised to support your writing, David,” Max sighed. “And I do support it. Even now.” MAX >>>>>>>>>>>

mavid jaden slander 🥰

“Because I couldn’t help myself,” David smiled. “Because it’s you.” i think you mentioned that david’s fundamental reason for dating jaden would be pretty simple, and it really is.

“I don’t need a reason to love you.” 🥺

max only has two moods: fuck you david 🖕 or fuck you david 👀😼 and i respect that

“So, every time you move away from me, and it breaks my heart, I want to remember you are hurting even worse.” max is doing his best to be mature about it despite the shock he must be facing

mavid going back to using terms of endearment will give me the energy i need to get through next week

dark eyes appreciation‼️ as someone with dark eyes myself, seeing so many authors describe main characters with blue eyes made me a little insecure about my own eyes :( but i’ve grown to embrace that dark eyes are sexy and cool and awesome. thank you for the appreciation :) romanticize dark eyes agenda 🙌

the whole david exploring max scene was so cautious and soft, it feels like when you come home after a long time of being away and just feeling that immediate sense of comfort

“Max wanted to help and when he realized his way of helping didn’t help, he got frustrated.” honestly i’m on david’s side with this one. as mature as max has become, it’s hard to accept that his way of helping david won’t work any longer. david needs to be in complete control of his healing, he has had his autonomy taken away too much for anything else. luckily for us, max is very much a “tell me what you need and i’ll do it”

arthur got the role 🫶

jackson jaden slander 🥰 and just jackson being on maxs side too

the entire tattoo scene was a glimpse of heaven dani

“It’s the kind of energy I’ve manifested in my room” to be fair, confessing their undying love, being honest, and having a good hug was pretty close to what happened. so imma say arthur’s manifestations were successful 

david finally writing again! and writing about other max!! 

talking about games throughout the this chapter and even in the white house party scene was just so neat to me. for me, it kinda represents david purposefully lying to himself, or feeling like he needs to lie to himself, so he can heal. in some ways, he was playing the game for the entire 13 years he was divorced and making max hate him. but he doesn’t need to play any game anymore. know he just needs to be david.

oh the character development of these two 🥰 i really feel like a mom watching my kids grow into the best versions of theirselves.

you’re amazing, you’re amazing, you’re amazing.

ps: will the flashback scene of the next chapter be mavids first date 👀

pps: i just found out i got accepted into two more of the colleges i applied to! so i’m currently 3 for 3!!! two more to go 🤞

Please I love this list so much it was the fave thing I read today 🥺

And yes, next chapter is the first meeting and first date and first kiss it's gonna be so fucking fluffy i promise :))

PS - YOU ARE FUCKING COOL WOW CONGRATULATIONS AND LET'S KEEP GOING BABYGIRL.

[star-writing]

Decided to start posting some of my short stories of various ideas and OCs of mine and my friends

Walking over to the new kid, I could tell they weren’t doing too hot.

“Hey kid, you ok?” I whispered. Everyone else was asleep so I didn't want to wake anyone up.

“Yeah. I’m fine. Just not tired.”

Just looking at them I could tell that was bullshit. I wasn’t going to say that yet though. The kid looked ready to stab me at any moment. Wouldn’t blame them though.

“You need a place to sleep?” I asked, figuring they just missed out on getting a hammock. “I don’t sleep much anyway so you can have mine.”

“No. I’m ok. You need to sleep.”

“Kid. When I say I don’t sleep much I mean I only sleep once a week and even then it’s usually during the day. Go sleep. I’ll even sing you to sleep.”

“And what do you get out of it?”

“I mean, hopefully a possible friend would be nice. If not that then at least an ally. I’ll watch out and make sure no one bothers you.”

“Why should I trust you?”

“I mean it’s up to you. I know nothing about you except that you’re new on the ship and I know you haven’t slept in the last couple days. You need to sleep, so go sleep. I’ll sit within view and make sure none of the idiots aboard mess with you. When you wake up I’ll either be up top or still in the same spot. Most likely same spot.”

“Can you show me where the hammock is and where you’ll be?”

“Yep.” Standing up, I offer my hand to them to help them up. We walk over to where my hammock is and I point to the beam straight across from it. As they get into the hammock I notice them, or maybe her, struggling to breathe right.

“Please for the love of the ocean. Don’t tell me you’ve been binding this entire time.”

“What?” They looked scared. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“I’m going to turn around. When I turn back around I expect you to have bandages in your hands. If you need help let me know. You wouldn’t be the first one I’ve had to help with this.”

“Umm. Can you help me a little?”

“Yep. Front or back?”

“Front. So you know a safer way to manage, you know, this,” waving a hand around their chest area.

“Yeah. A different style of ‘binding’ that’s not about restricting but more of support. I’ll help you in the morning with it ok? Tonight though, nothing. Imma be blunt. Ya tits need to breathe.”

“Thank you. I’m sorry you have to do all this for me.”

“One. Don’t thank me for doing things like this. It’s part of my job and I’m just being a decent person. Two. All I’m doing is what I wish someone had been able to do for me. Help me and show me how to be better. I can tell you haven’t had an easy life. I want to help you.”

“My names Artemis.”

“Ashton Hayden at your service.”

After helping them with the bandages and grabbing my spear. I sat where I showed them I would. I could see where Artemis would be sleeping and would be able to block anyone who tried to disturb them. I cast a quick little one way silence spell. And explained how it worked.

“So any sound made within the circle can leave. But no sounds from outside will be able to be heard. That way in the morning you can sleep. Would you like me to demonstrate?”

“Yes please.”

I showed them how they could still hear me from outside but not the other way around.

“Any song requests?”

“Up to you.”

“Ok.” After they got in the hammock and were comfortable I sat down and started singing, putting a tiny bit of siren charm into my voice.

As I saw Artemis falling asleep, I knew I’d be the one to watch over them. They were now part of my pack. And heaven have mercy on anyone who harms my pack.

Resting on the pole. I sat and watched. Making sure that Artemis was safe and could sleep peacefully

[wafaelsx]

the reality of long-term solitude (III)

i’m not so great at structuring these things. imma just write as i go but basically something a friend told me a couple of years ago is starting to click. i find that oftentimes i accept what people tell me as true in the moment while i still have my doubts, because i don’t particularly enjoy discourse unless it’s just so pertinent to moving the conversation forward. i believe we were talking about what we’re looking for in a partner, and i said i want someone who completely understands me. i had the presumption that if i met someone that i was already very compatible with, that in due time she’d come to, solve me perhaps. it’s funny because that’s the last thing i want from anyone else, even friends of mine. i believed that whoever i end up with for a long term romantic relationship would domesticate me in a way. i had a mental image in my head of myself as a pet, and my partner as my owner, but not even in a ddlg kind of way as it probably sounds. i don’t particularly like being dominated or what have you, i’m pretty ‘vanilla’ on those fucking bsdm tests. part of me, i suppose, was and still am tired of living, in the traditional sense. i think if i found someone that i was extraordinarily compatible with personality wise, and was also moderately attractive, i’d be willing to marry this person. i keep going back and forth between referring to my potential partner as a woman and them, but i’m heterosexual.. believe it or not. hopefully i can find a fucking woman before they’re not even called that anymore. but in any case, the vision in my head is something like i’m left to my own devices for about 65% of the time, and the other 35% of the time would be spent with them. this time i would also surrender to doing actual activities, going out, whatever the fuck. i kind of see myself as a bit of a science experiment in a way in that regard. i envision myself being like shown off in a way, like ‘look at this guy, he sure is something! i also fuck him, for reasons that may not be apparent!’ because i do believe on the surface level, there isn’t much to desire in me as a person. i’m probably a lot funnier than most people, because i have an easier time finding humor in situations, or making connections others wouldnt, based on my knowledge of, i mean everything. i’m probably also a bit smarter than the average person. those two attributes alone make me unique in a sense, other than that i don’t know what you’d see in me as a person, both personality and physical attraction wise.

anyway, my friend’s response to my desire for my partner to understand me in an all encompassing way was quickly shot down, basically. he told me that no one will ever truly understand me, because humans aren’t capable of doing that, not even for themselves to an extent. this probably should’ve been obvious to me, i know. i’m not naive in many ways, but as it pertains to romantic relationships i certainly don’t have it all figured out. my attempts at such have all fallen pretty much flat, and i can’t say i’ve found that those experiences made it easier for me to find someone new, as many might allude to. they were swings and misses, wholly, and i get frustrated with myself thinking about my missteps in that regard. a lot of things u just have to experience to get it, and i will say this is probably one of them. advice about ‘‘women’‘ or ‘‘how to get pussy’‘ or whatever never sounds very good coming from anyone, especially cause whatever advice they give you probably won’t work because they aren’t you, and don’t understand you. the nuance involved in courting a partner is quite complicated in my own estimation. there isn’t really a guaranteed way to convince someone that you’re worth fucking, and to be honest, you’re probably better off misleading them in a way if thats your goal. lying isn’t necessarily what im getting at, but it seems in my experience that what women found attractive in me wasn’t actually who i was, so when we make it out the ‘‘talking phase’‘ and they see me a bit more transparently, many of them were quick to throw in the towel. i’m a bit of an obsessive person, so it’s been hard for me to let go of people from my past. all in all, i chalk it up as a learning experience and i’m pretty unfazed by my past dealings with women. it doesn’t keep me up at night, but i do sometimes wonder what, or if i had actually done wrong, or if it just wasn’t meant to be. i will also grant that sometimes u meet people at the wrong part of ur life and the maturity difference/difference in actual place in life proves too great to overcome. logic tells me pretty much every relationship ive seriously been involved with couldve been salvaged, or maybe a better way of saying it was i doubt that we were different enough to not eventually work it out, if we both tried. most ppl arent patient tho with relationships, and i get it. people often bring up just the staggering amount of humans on earth as an antidote to your dismay about unrequited love, or what have you. i think that’s a pretty stupid thing to tell people when theyre going thru it, partly because i dont think the logic actually holds any water. i think most people could be in a committed monogamous relationship if they were both mature enough, i think thats the biggest determining factor above everything else i’m still very young, so most women i encounter are not really enticed by the idea of lifelong commitment. i believe if we have enough in common and we like fucking each other more than average, what else is out there really? i think those two things together are probably extremely difficult to find in one person, especially for me.

i probably have more to say, but i can’t think of how i want to format it, even in an approximate sense. so i’ll try to sum it up with these closing thoughts. i guess i’m just saying i realized that i have to learn to live with myself. oftentimes i express my thoughts or beliefs, and i can see in real time how my words are just failing to land on people, even my own fucking parents. maybe this all just sounds like an emo wall of text, idk. people are more unique than i suppose i had considered, so to ask of someone to solve any other person would be quite the undertaking. i also realize that before i can be successful at anything, i’m going to have to change in a very profound, fundamental way. the answer isn’t clear to me, i’m unsure what lies ahead.

[payservewomen]

Yesterday was a painful one….I’m off work Sun-Mon(todays tuesday) and was gonna go 2the $ store, and check goodwill for a shoe rack…But then I opened twitter😔

Goddess Aurora James tweeted something, and ofc that did it! Was around 12noon, maybe late as 2pm, and I began playing with my “Mr Winky”(Ex fiancée, Emma used to call it that; painful breakup, good 2remind myself 2b humiliated) and next thing I know, it’s damn near 8pm!

I’m broke af right now…last i checked, had $15 in the bank, so that means I can’t get any interaction with anyone who matters(dommes/women in general, even Hung Alphas) And that really got me desperate…..I crave attention soooo much….and when you’re a pathetic failure, a beta loser, well, only logical attention is negative ofc.

Oh! But the “wall of shame” girl DMed me, telling me it was time for her weekly wall of shame that she posts on twitter….I’ve been in a few of them, but it’s not too humiliating tbh, she edits the photos, and doesn’t show cocknballs…but my face is showing! I do wish that i’d stop tempting fate to expose myself as the perverted loser freak that I am! I sent her a link to a shared folder on google photos, and loaded that folder with tons n tons of very humiliating pics…dunno if she used any, but then i went to a different twitter account, same one I’d posted to last week, when I went to the store in running shorts(tiny ones with slits up the sides! But i’m glad i found these; they’re actually men’s legit running shorts! even tho I’m only ever gonna wear them cuz i’m a perv, desperate to show off my gross body n be laughed at, it’s better cuz I can act like i’m normal, and just exercising)

But this time….SMH, i posted the link to the folder…..the cover photo of it was from when Natti Banks made me crack eggs all over my dirty bedroom floor…then slurp them up, spit it back into my hands, and rub it all over my face. Then humped my hand for a couple hours while the egg dried, oh and this was AFTER i’d taken a shower!

I tried cleaning it all off, but even the next day, kept finding crusty bits of egg on my face etc

I can’t believe how many beyond embarrassing photos i put in that folder! I’ve exposed myself before of course, but many of these pics had my FACE! And plenty of them….so any kind of lies or explanation to someone who knows me….wouldn’t even be slightly believable.

Reminds me of…last year at some point, when I’d occasionally talk to “Riya Payel” To this day, still THEE goddess I worship above all others….Well, tough to say really, I prob do worship Aurora more…..and hopefully gonna see her this weekend! Omfg i cannot wait!

She’d tweeted about how she “still wanna jump a sub with my friends” 🥵🥵

Fuck I hope they do that! Maybe tell her where I’ll be at a certain time(or she tells me where imma be) and not a particular time and place, so that it’s more of a legit “getting jumped” kinda thing!🥵

Anyway! Back to Riya….the only one who’s absolutely, definitely without question, sadistic. When texting with her, I could actually tell when she’d orgasm! Could even sense a teeny tiny lil bit of guilt, which, if you’d seen what she’s said and done, you’d find hard to believe!

She was always very clear- “I want to destroy you. I want to leave you with nothing, broken, no self esteem, no self worth, no money…I genuinely hope to make you homeless and ruin your life”

Isn’t an exact quote, but she’s def said all that!

Many many findommes on twitter will say this shit, but their actions don’t match their words. But riya? If anything, her actions are somehow worse than her words!

I still cannot truly comprehend how any human could have such venom and hatred in them….(well tbh, i’m almost positive she’s been abused; sexually or otherwise) and whew, ngl, it’s not easy to think about my experiences with God Riya😔

Reminds me just how fucked up I am, mentally/emotionally and ofc sexually. When Riya blackmailed me, she did it 100% without my consent. She knew how much money I had, but since cash app allows you to keep sending, she made me send $18 to her, over and over and over and over…..At a certain point, we both knew that every single send would cost me the $18 PLUS $31 overdraft fee!

She loved that…that’s why it was only the low $18 send!

Last I saw, Riya’s bank account was close to $500k…yes, half a million!

She was also always very clear about the fact that any amount of money that my broke ass could send, wouldn’t even be noticeable to her……Most dommes say that, but with many, it’s quite clear that’s not true…..But riya? Genuine sadism. She’s every pathetic beta loser jerkoff/findom/humiliation addicts dream!

She broke me so badly….I prob sent her a hundred different voice memos…at a certain point, i got serious like “Hey, I understand that maybe i’ve implied that i’m ok with noncon blackmail, but please know, at this point, I’m not ok with what’s happening. I say this with all due respect. Please understand that I sincerely mean every word i’m saying. This has gone way too far….I’m not blaming you, and ofc will not report you or any shit like that….It’s just that well, I’m in serious financial and mental/emotional trouble right now….I’ve said “I’m gonna kill myself” many many times since seeing those photos on my employers FB and IG…I understand that you get off on causing me pain, and I promise that I’ll always be a punching bag for you…but please, I’m scaring myself rn, i’ve never felt like this and I truly terrified of what may happen…I’m coming to you, as one human being to another….I’m reaching out to you, asking, from the bottom of my heart, please help me”

Is essentially what I’d said, many times in various ways…..at this point, there was no longer any reference to anything sexual on my part….This was far beyond that….she took me to another level of self hatred, and my god, I can’t even describe the feeling of such loathing one’s self.

I even began talking to her about the idea of quenching her thirst for sadism in person!

She seemed receptive to it, which ugh, ngl, was exciting to me! She’d never seemed open to it in the past, probably cuz she’s had sooooo many twitter, sextpanther, etc accounts banned…I think eventually every site decided to permanently ban her, considering they must’ve gotten so many complaints from ruined losers. They’d contact her thinking of “blackmail fetish” or even just findom….since sooooo many dommes on twitter say all the same shit that she says, they figured they were safe🙄

Not only does Riya love inflicting real pain, but she’s even said that she’s addicted to it!

Imho, after following her for so long….she definitely means that…I’d imagine it’s even been problematic for her life!

It’s gotta be one hell of a rush! I know it was on my side of things, having myself posted, naked, on my employers social media accounts….being told the pics will be taken down….after i pay $100 for each one….Ofc she knew i not only had no money, but was already very negative!

So, she demanded I open up accounts on apps like Dave, Bridget etc..I began to make one and she got impatient…then simply asked for the info she needed to do it herself….I might’ve hesitated once(or prob just didn’t see her message) and she wasn’t having it, and posted more on my employers IG, along with asking “is this an employee of yours?” With my full legal name. I can’t remember the exact order of things, but suffice it to say, she taught me real quick that she’s in charge, and I’d better comply…So I kept getting text messages from the various creditors, and she expected the pin numbers IMMEDIATELY, which ofc she got…..Also she ofc had all my debit card info, and then i began seeing transactions come through my account somehow! When it had no money whatsoever! How’s that even possible?! site was something like “transact”🤷‍♂️

I was shocked that i was able to get her some more money on Dave or something, but only like $80…she did much better, getting another couple hundred somehow….

Ugh, my dick was rock hard a minute ago….point is- this bullshit still turns me on far more than anything else ever will😔

Now that i’ve leaned into it so much, and turned it into a legitimate addiction, I can’t see how i’ll ever have normal sex, ever again😔 Or hell, ANY sex really! It’d be one thing if i knew a dominant woman irl….but no domme wants to try and actually date a sub, lol, can you imagine?!

I always tell myself “all i’ve gotta do is not jerk off so much…take just a week off, and I’ll def get nice and hard!” Maybe that’s true….but first off, I can’t go 2 days without fucking my hand, usually for hours n hours n hours….Edging ofc…the few times i have tried to cum in a normal amount of time? It’s not even a legit orgasm! Even my body knows i’m a pathetic loser who doesn’t deserve pleasure.

I’m trying to step back for a moment right now, and really take this all in….I need to fully comprehend what i’ve turned my life into…..I read tweets everyday from many dommes saying “this isn’t a phase. You’re a pathetic loser; your brain is too fucked up, you’ll never recover….” and i’m starting to think it’s true😔

I know that many dommes really don’t have such evil agendas….they’re just saying what they need to say to make tons of cash…I respect that, but my god, I often wonder if they know the damage they’re doing!

Many of them definitely do…you could debate whether or not that makes them a sadist or evil, but ehhh, they’re simply doing what many of us freaks beg them to do!

Many subs get the post nut clarity and get angry, start insulting dommes etc…so they’re familiar with how shitty most men are….

Ooops i didn’t mean to make this sooo long…..oh well

[whoreforharlow]

You made out a lot of good points in your post about Jack’s album and I think what sucks about it is at least in this very moment Him choosing not to do any promo doesn’t really set him up for great success. Because the only reason why his last album did as well as It did was because people were so much more invested in his personality and his charisma and the person who was promoting that album than the music itself. And now it’s Slowly started to kind of disappear. Like I remember when he was on tour and seeing clips of it he did the same show at every concert and not really changing anything in any sort of way it was the same thing over and over again. And I didn’t get why because he has a personality he has that ability in him to be creative with his shows and he seem to not really put any sort of effort into His concerts. I know he’s always been the one to like be his own biggest cheerleader But from the music that he was releasing versus him saying how he wants to be the face of his generation it always came off as cringy But it doesn’t shock me that he’s choosing to take a Kendrick Lamar or Drake type of approach to this because I think he genuinely believes that he’ll get to that level if he doesn’t already think he’s there. I hate to say it because I think the jack that we saw this time last year it was someone who was very secure himself and it just seems like the yes people around him have just gotten louder And I think he’s more invested in what they have to say than his fans or what he personally thinks. Hopefully things take a turn For the best but I don’t really have very high hopes for this point.

Yeah. I wasn't a fan once I finally got around to listening to Jackman. Raw doesn't really equal good if that makes sense, and that's how I felt about it.

I just really love the Jack we've collectively created on here and imma just stick with that lol

[bisexualterror]

ok. ok so i know you didn't reblog this ask game (i think??) but i wanted to ask: 🤥 😭 ☕️ 🥞 🙈 ✂️ ✏️ 📎 🌪️ 💗 + whichever oc(s) you want! 🃏

i am sO SORRY it takes me five to ten years to answer i’m fjakdhsii ✨ a mess ✨imma do corvina & nova more under cut bc it got pretty long ldkdld

🤥 LYING - are they good liars? do they have tells to show they're lying?

nova: she’s a decent liar especially to people who don’t know her that well. her only tell being sometimes she looks too smug like you know she knows something.

corvina: horrible liar. not to say that she couldn’t lie well but she’s too emotive and blunt to the point of cruelty to even care about lies. the only time she lies well and willingly is when she’s getting paid to do it. her tells vary during her story but she’s usually trying too hard and ends up monotone when lying.

😭 CRYING - what makes them cry? do they cry easily?

nova: she only cries when she’s at the end of her rope which like, says a lot considering she’s smiled when being threatened.

corvina: cries a lot but thing is she’s more likely to throw verbal punches when she’s sad and cry when she’s angry.

☕️ HOT BEVERAGE - do they prefer hot or cold drinks? what is their favourite drink?

nova: as long as it has caffeine or sugar in it, nova does not care what it is. but her favorite drink is root beer.

corvina: she prefers hot drinks that’ll keep her warm on the road. she likes warm milk, the weirdo.

🥞 PANCAKE - what is their comfort breakfast?

nova: waffles & bacon with coffee.

corvina: roasted chicken & berries topped with honey.

🙈 SEE-NO-EVIL - whats a side of your oc that they don't want to show other people?

nova: a lot lmao, she got my inability to share so sucks to be her lmao but most of all i would say her insecurities and vulnerability.

corvina: her capacity for feeling intense emotions that isn’t anger or bitterness.

✂️ SCISSORS - what is the "last straw" for them to cut someone out of their life? how easily do they let go of people?

nova: she hangs on to people like a octopus once she likes you, but the last straw would be letting you in to see her vulnerable only to then repeatedly hurt her or the people she cares about. (that’s a little interesting thing that’s gonna pop up if i ever write it)

corvina: she will cut you out of her life without blinking if you piss her off, you could’ve accidentally taken a job from her or beat her at a card game, it doesn’t matter what it is. she’s petty. doesn’t give out second chances easily let alone thirds she has boundaries and won’t let anyone cross them. she’s that bitch ok, my inspiration.

✏️ PENCIL - is there a particular quote / lyric that you associate with them?

nova: this one !!

corvina: Hung high and dry where no one can see/If there's no one to blame, blame it on me.

📎 PAPERCLIP - a random fact.

nova: has a birth mark on her back that’s been with her since her last life.

corvina: used to want to be a singer like her mother!

🌪️ TORNADO - what is the biggest change you've ever made to them? how have they changed from their original version?

nova: she’s changed a lot i think?? idk i would have to ask someone who reads her fic but i think she’s a lot more caring and hopefully less static. someone tell me i need to know 🥹

corvina: she’s less cruel than i wanted to make her, more-so bitter and taking advantage of / lashing out at a world that hates her.

💗 GROWING HEART - if they have a crush, is it noticable? what changes when they're in love?

nova: denial is her strongest response to having romantic feelings 💗💗 but yes i think it’s somewhat noticeable to the people who count, but we shall see won’t we :)

corvina: her response to romance isn’t denial so much as being tired at her own intense emotions. she doesn’t have time for romance she just wants money and to hunt monsters.

[waitimcomingtoo]

Tuffy

Pairing: Arvin Russel x reader

Synopsis: you win Arvin a teddy bear, and he acts like he doesn’t like it

Masterlist

Arvin pulled up to the annual town fair in his beat up old car and parked out front. He lit a cigarette, spotted Lenora near the entrance, and made his way over to her.

“You girls ‘bout ready to go?”

“Just about.” Lenora answered. “Y/n was just finishing up at a game. Oh, there she is.”

“Arvin!” You ran up to them with a teddy bear in your arms. “Thanks for driving us home. Don’t you want to go in at least on ride?”

“Nah. I don’t trust these things in the slightest.” He smiled at you in your high waisted shorts and button up shirt.

“See? I told you he was no fun.” Lenora teased her brother and poked his side.

“Well since you didn’t want to come with us, I won this for you at the balloon game.” You proudly held out the teddy bear you’d been holding. “Since you’re too much of a tough guy to win your own.”

It was a classic carnival plush with a cheap red bow tied around its neck, but Arvin adored it right away. He accepted the teddy bear from you and looked at it, fighting the massive smile that wanted to break out on his face. He didn’t want to stray from his typical cold and uncaring exterior, so he didn’t let it show on his face how much it meant to him.

“Oh. Thank you.” He said softly. “But I’m not much for dolls. You should keep it.”

“It’s not a doll. It’s a teddy bear.” You playfully rolled your eyes. “I’ve been holding it all night, so it smells like my perfume. And I won it for you so you better keep it, tough guy. It’s yours.”

“All right.” He smiled shyly, grateful that you were letting him keep it. “Not sure what I’ll do with it, but I’ll keep it. Thanks, Y/n.”

“You’re welcome, Arvin” You said as you linked your arm through his. “Come on. Let’s go home.”

A few weeks later, you didn’t join Lenora in the back of Arvin’s car like you usually did. He almost always drove the two of you home after school, but you were nowhere to be found that particular day.

“Y/n didn’t need a ride today?” Arvin asked with slight disappointment.

“She was running late so she said she was gonna walk home.” Lenora told him.

“Oh.” He nodded. “Okay.

“Why? Do you miss her?” Lenora teased.

“Shut up.” He blushed. “Just want to make sure she has a safe way home.”

“I’m sure she’ll be fine.” Lenora said, so he let it go. He checked back in a few hours later with Lenora to see if you’d made it home safe.

“Do you know if Y/n made it home yet?” He asked.

“She hasn’t called me yet, so probably not.” Lenora realized. Arvin frowned and looked out the window, not liking the thought of you walking home with how hard the rain was coming down.

“It’s pouring out. She’ll catch her death.” He said as he grabbed his car keys.

“So will you if you try to find her. You know how slippery your tires get.” Lenora reminded him as she followed him to the door.

“I don’t want her walking alone in the rain.” Arvin said as he slid his jacket on. “Imma go get her.”

Arvin got in his car and drove in the direction of your school. A few miles up the road, he saw you walking with your backpack over your head.

“Y/n!” He called out the window. “Get your ass in the car now.”

“Arvin?” You squinted in his direction. “Is that you?”

“Yes, it’s me.” He pulled up beside you. “Get in.”

“How’d you find me?” You asked as you got into his backseat. “And how’d you know I was out here in the first place?”

“Lenora told me you was foolish enough to walk home in this weather.” He said as he looked at you in the rear view mirror.

“I didn’t realize it was gonna rain. Sorry, Arvin.” You apologized to him, making him feel guilty for how he spoke to you. He didn’t mean to make you feel bad, he just worried about you.

“You don’t have to apologize to me, darling.” He said in a softer tone. “And you don’t have to sit in the back either.”

“Um, I think someone’s already sitting in the passenger seat.” You smiled a little and adverted your eyes.

“Who?” He furrowed his eyebrows before looking beside him. Sitting there in his passenger seat was the teddy bear you had won him a few weeks before. To make the sight even more embarrassing, the teddy bear was buckled in with a seatbelt. He had forgotten that he put the bear there and now there was no hiding the fact that he drove around with it.

“Oh.” He blushed and grabbed the bear. “Him.”

“Is that the bear won for you?” You asked coyly. “From the carnival?”

“Yeah. It is.” He adverted his eyes as you climbed into the front seat.

“Why did he have a seatbelt on?” You chuckled as he set the teddy bear on his lap.

“It’s very dangerous to drive without a seatbelt.” He said seriously. “You know that, darling.”

“But he’s just a teddy bear.” You bit back a smile at the way he was behaving. You’d into ever seen him frowning or fighting, so it made you happy to hear him being silly with you.

“A teddy bear you won for me.” He reminded you as he smiled down at the bear. “That makes him special. I gotta protect him.”

“Arvin.” You swooned. “You really kept it? That’s so cute.”

“People don’t usually give me things.” He said quietly. “So he means a lot.”

“Did you name him?” You asked hopefully.

“Yes.” He said softly. “He’s called Tuffy.”

“Why?” You wondered curiously.

“Cause you always call me tough guy.” He admitted without looking at you. He hadn’t planned on showing you the softer side of him, but you seemed to be enjoying it.

“Can I see him?”

“Careful not to get him wet. Can’t replace him.” Arvin warned, proving further to you how much he cared about the bear.

“I didn’t think you cared that I won him for you.” You said in disbelief. “Didn’t think you cared ‘bout anything, in fact.”

“I act tough, but I got a soft spot for you.” He said as he looked at you.

“Me and Tuffy, I presume.” You teased.

“Yeah.” He smiled. “You and Tuffy.”

You looked down at Tuffy and held him to your nose, inhaling his scent for a moment.

“He smells like you.” You giggled. “Which means he smells like cigarettes and Old Spice.”

“Well he sleeps in my bed.” Arvin told you. “That’s why.”

“Arvin Russel.” You gasped. “You do not sleep with a teddy bear.”

“Said he sleeps in my bed. Not in my arms or nothing.” He chuckled as he took the bear back from you. He put Tuffy on his shoulder and rested his head on him as he looked at you.

“That’s a shame.” You nearly exploded from how sweet Arvin was being. “If I was sleeping in your bed, I’d want to be in your arms as well.”

Arvin opened his mouth to speak, but found himself too flustered to form a sentence. Before he could respond, you spotted something out the window and sighed.

“Oh no. It’s Chuck Greenwood.” You pointed out the window. “He’s got a crush on me. Never leaves me alone.”

“Do you like him too?” Arvin frowned a little as Chuck approached his car.

“Absolutely not.” You stuck your tongue out. “He’s nothing but a pest. Ugh. Here he comes.”

“Hello Y/n. You look awfully pretty, even in the rain.” Chuck smirked obnoxiously as he knocked on your window. “What’s the matter? Lenoras Bible didn’t tell you it was gonna rain?”

“Leave me alone, Chuck.” You rolled your eyes and turned away.

“And is that the Russel boy?” Chuck pointed to Arvin. “What are you doing driving around with a teddy bear? Did your mommy give it to you?”

“No. But your mommy did.” Arvin shot back.

“Can I see it? It looks so cuddly and soft. I just wanna hold it for a minute.” Chuck laughed as he reached for the teddy bear.

“Hands off.” Arvin smacked his hands away. “Don’t you inbreds have something better to do?”

“What could be better than picking on you and your fuzzy wuzzy teddy bear?” Chuck asked.

“It’s my teddy bear.” You lied as you took the bear off Arvin’s shoulder. “Arvin won him for me at the carnival last week.”

“Did he? Don’t tell me you two are going steady.” Chucks jealously got the better of him.

“Whats it’s to you?” Arvin smirked, liking your plan. “Not like you ever had a chance with her.”

“Whatever. Enjoy your teddy bear.” Chuck scoffed and walked away.

“We will! Bye!” You called after him before rolling the window up. “Did you see his face? We totally got him.”

“That’s what he gets for making fun of Tuffy.” Arvin smiled as you handed the bear back to him.

“Yup.” You agreed. “He’ll know not to do that again.”

You looked at each other for a minute, soft smiles on your faces as a comfortable silence settled in his car. The comforting sound of rain hitting his windows added to the soft ambiance in the car. You gulped and sat up a little, giving him all your attention as he nervously played with the bear.

“Darling.” Arvin began quietly. “What did you mean before when you said you’d want to sleep in my arms?”

“Well, you know.” You shrugged and played with your nails. “I’m just saying. If Tuffy ever needs a night off, maybe I could take his spot.”

“Well.” He smiled softly and cupped your face with his hand. “I’ll have to check with him first.”

You leaned forward and smirked against his lips before mumbling, “You’ll have to let me know what he says.”

“He should be fine with it.” He sucked in sharply against your mouth.

“Arvin?” You asked as you gazed at him through your lashes.

“Yes, darling?”

“Stop talking about your teddy bear.” You chuckled before connecting your lips to his.

Tag List 🏷

@awesomebooklover17​ @thebookwormlife​ @imanativeofswlondondahling​ @serendipitous-amor​ @dummiesshort​

@foreverxholland​ @lavender-writer​ @michaela072796​ @whatareyouhidingpeter​ @takenbyheartstrings​ @ultrunning​ @imyourliquor-youremypoison​ @andreasworlsboring101​ @waiting-to-be-myself​ @letsloveimagines​ @peterparkoure​ @a-villain-vying-for-attention​ @justcallmehitgirl​ @jackiehollanderr​ @tiny-friggin-human @mara-twins​ @iamaunicorn4704​ @maryjanee23​ @geeksareunique​ @emmamarshmellow​ @unbelievableholland​ @flixndchill​ @sovereignparker​ @thisisthebiplace​ @every-marveler-ever​ @undiadeestos​ @caelestii-e​ @eridanuswave​​ @itscaminow​​ @fiantomartell​ @solarxmoonchild​ @canyouevencauseicant​ @illwritetomorrow​ @thehappygrungelife​ @saysomethingspiderman​ @smilexcaptainx​ @quaksonhehe​ @kelieah​ @kickingn-ames​ @seasidecrowbar​ @lovelessdagger​ @love-sick-blues​ @electraheart-3174​ @unbelievableholland​ @yourtypicalhotmess​ @spideyanakin​ @horanxholland​ @thesuitelifeofafangirl​ @marshxx​ @heyheycharlatte​ @nooneinvitedfascistbarbie​ @tomshufflepuff​

@maybemona​ @alexxcorona113​ @lethal-wisdom​ @xo-spidey​ @big-galaxy-chaos​ @pandaxnienke​ @theincredibledeadlyviper​  @thestylestour​  @officialsimppage​ @mrvelscaptains​ @peterbenjiparker​ @itsemohours​ @okkulta​ @parkerlovebot​ @jungkxxkk​ @friendlyneighborhood-mendes​ @olixerwxxd​ @starkbrain​ @creatorofthegalaxy​ @ilovefrogs1000​ @itstaskeen​ @wrendermeuseless​ @amazinggracy​ @iprobablyshipit91​ @magicalxdaydream​ @whereismytelephone​ @theonly1outof-a-billion​ @leilanixx​ @namoreno​ @bi-lmg​ @dracoswhore007​ @tomhollandloml​ @avengers-hamiltrash​ @sunshinepeterparkr​ @gh0stgurl​ @so-very-asleep​ @veryholland​ @white-wolf1940​ @spideycheles​ @firwproof-blog​

@thebestqueenoftheworld​ @nowayhomeparker​ @willowestelle​ @imobsessedzs​ @spideyspeaches​ @bookfrog242​ @hihiweezing​ @mathletemadison​   @mackenziejanine​ @dhtomholland​ @peterstommy​ @insomniac-nerd-posts-things​ @prancerrparkerr​ @aayaissaa​ @loudthoughts-softspoken​ @starknik22​ @hallecarey1​ @tom-holland-is-bae​ @adayasgeorgia​ @sam-hollandsgirl​ @blackwidowisthebest​ @unfilledhollowsandemptypromises @imawhoreforu​ @noimaginationforblognames​ @fanficaddict13125

[amazingphilza]

maniac :: cc!tommy x reader

angst (?) , platonic (?) , gender neutral ! ib: conan gray’s maniac

this is satire & note that i write the reader to be a few months younger than tommy (besides that, i think it is fully inclusive !)

synopsis : you put all your hard work towards a useless crush. with no expectation for reciprocated feelings in the first place, it still all ends in a bittersweet slap to reality.

you grew up with minecraft and it was an understatement to say it was part of your childhood

even years later, you still maintained interested in the game

it wasn’t just a simple video game, the community inspired you to do many things

you aspired to be like the creators you watched at a young age like sky, dantdm, cupquake, stampy, and many more

making people happy and entertained was a dream

and when minecraft slowly began trending again in 2019, you started making your own content whenever you felt like it out of fun

you never got much views but it was an enjoyable experience nonetheless

but it wasn’t until the first minecraft monday you decided to push a bit more with your hobbies and worked hard to make it somewhere

however balancing your passions with school wasn’t the easiest

given, you were still only around 15 and your content wasn’t even that good

with not much of a goal or plan with your youtube channel, you fell out of interest eventually

you loved minecraft but you always a rocky relationship with it; getting back into it for a few months then pretending it never really existed for another few

besides the occasional videos you watched in your pass time, you didn’t stay that updated

then lockdown happened

it changed everything and even got you regressing back to old interests

soon enough you were back to minecraft

there was so much to catch up on

hermitcraft season 7 just started, there was minecraft championships, and smp earth and smp live, and so much more to look forward to watching

you were a bit late on both of the smps but your interest peaked specially towards smp earth and it didn’t stop you from watching the past videos

you first gravitated towards a certain youtuber’s videos first since you remember stumbling onto his videos before from your recommended page; wilbur soot

besides recognizing him from his you laugh you lose series and making parody-type of songs, you didn’t know much

however with a few clicks, you had binge watched his smp earth series effortlessly

you found yourself falling down the endless hole, finding more creators to watch through wilbur

one in particular caught your eye in an interesting way

tommyinnit

my god, how can someone be so annoying and pushy in these videos? like shut up already

and to find out he was barely months older than you frustrated you

you just wanted to be better in some way

if someone like him could be popular, why can’t you? yelling at others and causing problems didn’t seem that hard

and so you went back to working hard on your previously failed youtube channel but this time with a goal; be better than tommyinnit

it was a weird aspiration in your head but it worked

he was your age and successful, why need a better motivator?

tommy wasn’t the sole reason why you strive to make content since you truly did want to create videos to entertain people like the youtubers you originally grew up watching

and with the amount of free time you had, you thoroughly analyzed his content; what was the most popular, how he streamed, edited his videos, everything

you just completely studied the algorithm in general

along the way, tommy’s personality grew on you

tommy was undoubtedly a very loud and energetic person but you became fond of his ambitions

you understood why he was popular at such a young age; he was a natural entertainer

your spite towards the boy turned into a hope

a hope to be at par with him someday and even be mutuals

and it was like your dreams were suddenly manifested into existence

you gained a large following in the early months of lockdown and even was recognized to be apart of minecraft championships

it felt like yesterday that you were just watching your favorite youtubers livestream the same competition

and now you were situation in a team to play yourself for the first time instead of being a viewer for once

not to mention, with tommyinnit as a teammate

how did you manage to get so lucky?

under the excitement, you felt beyond never nervous waiting in the empty discord call for your team to join you to practice the mini-games

in the middle of gathering your thoughts together, you heard a sound from discord signaling someone joined the call

“uh, hello?”

you heard the familiar british accent you spent hours listening to from countless streams and videos

“h-hi! i’m y/n, how are you?”

you hoped tommy couldn’t hear the strain in your voice due to fighting your nerves, but you quietly celebrated that you didn’t freeze up altogether

“oh i’m good, thank you. and i’m tommy by the way, this is the first time we’re speaking, yeah?”

“yep! it’s nice to meet you”

“yeah, i’ve seen your name around the timeline a few times, you seem cool”

oh my god what?

“thanks! um i actually really enjoy your content not gonna lie”

“oh wow, good shit!”

and the conversation smoothly went on, bouncing back and forth between you two before your other two teammates joined the call

once everyone was situated, you decided to start streaming since it was your first mcc and you wanted a vod of you practicing to look at later on as a memory

your chat immediately noticed how much you were enjoying yourself, especially after all the short stories of talking about who inspired you in the past

the smile plastered on your face never left

after stream and your other teammates went offline, it was you and tommy left in the call once together again

“it was nice talking to you tommy! and the practice was really fun, i cant wait for the actual competition!”

“yeah definitely, we’ll for sure place high”

“hopefully. it’s my first time and i hope i don’t cost us the dub”

“nah, you think so? i mean rt and plumbella are also our team mates so you know, it’s all for fun in the end”

you knew tommy was implying the teamwork wasn’t going to be the best compared to the other teams but at least in the end you’ve both made a new friend

“yeah you’re right!”

“anyway it’s getting late imma hop off”

“okay tommy, talk to you soon?”

“yep!”

“alright byee”

“bye!”

the moment he left the call, you felt a sense of relief before a small wave of sadness took over

you wanted to continue talking to tommy but you knew you had other responsibilities to tend to

for the rest of the day, you couldn’t stop thinking of the call and mcc practice

the funny jokes, singing random songs, screaming for no reason, everything

it even kept you awake until the early morning

you buried your head in a pillow and screamed into it after realization hit

y/n no

no no no no no no no

you tried to recall anything that remotely related your other teammates which you remembered that didn’t include tommy

even if it was a few hours ago, you couldn’t pin point something specific

no

i must just be forgetful, right?

what the hell did rt and plumbella even say that whole call?

you vividly remembered everything with tommy and it was clear to you why

surely not

with putting a hand on your chest above your heart, you confirmed that you couldn’t lie to yourself based on the rapid speed

you liked tommy for a good while but it hadn’t clicked to you until now

eventually you fell asleep due to exhaustion but that’s to say you didn’t do so without imagining spending more time with tommy

ever since that day, time went by in a flash

your team didn’t do the best in mcc but it had been a while since then to have that as a concern

sadly you and tommy didn’t talk as often as you hoped but that didn’t make you have less feelings for him

on some days you felt bad since you thought you didn’t know enough about him to even be allowed to crush on him

it was a bit unprofessional but you were nearly 16, it’s normal to have these little crushes right?

eventually time came to rescue when tommy asked you if you wanted to accompany him in the dream smp

undoubtedly, you said yes

and for the few months during summer, it was where you two became even closer than before

however, once both of you two had to go back and attend school, it was harder to catch up with each other

even on calls together off stream, the occasional snapchat notification going off irked you in a way you couldn’t explain

only winter break was the small pause on your disappointment

but even then, it was a slow but steady hill of repressed sadness and frustration until early spring of the following year

you had hoped 2021 would be better than last year but after scrolling through twitter one day and seeing stans making rumors about how tommy had a crush on one of his classmates gave you the same pain you felt when school started last fall

you dreaded to look over at tommy’s most recent story time stream vod where all the gossip arose from; it was him stumbling over his words with the mention of a girl during a certain part

jealousy wasn’t the right word to describe the way you felt

you would never go out of your way to make tommy reciprocate the feelings you had for him

and if he liked someone else the way you saw him, you wouldn’t mind

having a crush is ecstatic, and if he has someone like that too, you should be happy

right?

you tried

what finally broke you was seeing a tiktok a few weeks later of tommy in college with eryn and another girl talking

you didn’t know how she looked like or anything but you wanted to sob

good for him

she didn’t even say much in the video and you dont know enough about tommy’s personal life to jump to conclusions like this

you knew you were acting irrational and you couldn’t be upset at tommy for something he couldn’t control

if anything, you never directly showed interest in him

you didn’t want to in the first place

it was a bad idea from the start

you looked back at the past year and all your intentions

what kind of sick fanfiction did you think you were living?

becoming a content creator, hoping to blow up, just to talk to a big youtuber you had a crush on?

oh my god

y/n what is wrong with you?

listen to yourself, y/n

you need to get some help

whether tommy was dating or even just had interest someone was none of your business

you had to move on no matter what it was and be good and supportive friend

it was dreadful to get over a stupid crush like this but after so much work you put in, you gave some sympathy for yourself

in a friend perspective, you were happy with whatever tommy did and was satisfied your friendship together, but you hadn’t realized how much you gambled from the beginning

and just for a crush?

you couldn’t comprehend how far you gone because you fancied someone

it wasn’t like anyone could get famous and become a popular content creator either

and now with you being on the dream smp along with a successful youtube channel at 16? you were grateful something pushed you enough to work this hard

but you’d never forget the fact everything that lead up to this point was a crush on no other than tommyinnit which first spurred from complete spite

“who’s the one better off now?” your thoughts mocked you from the complete irony

sigh

y/n, you maniac

[glytchfic]

We started as a spark. PART 2.

David Dastmalchian x Fem!Reader

Bonjour! There goes Part 2, it’s a bit longer than Part 1. Look, i was truly inspired, okay? Anyway, i’m letting you guys decide which Tom is it, it’s up to you - wink wink -. And I’ve decided to change the name of the story, it’s still from the same song but i thought it was more fitting. 

Special thanks to everyone who’s reading me, i really appreciate it. Comments, complaints, the usual!

PS: Since i’m pretty new to the whole Tumblr thing, can anyone explain to me how am i suppose to do a ‘read more’ option on my post so people who doesn’t want to read it don’t have to scroll for so long? lol, i feel stupidddddd.

Enjoy!

Rating: 18+

Warnings: slow burn, foul language, flirting, sexual tension, drinking, brief mention of marital problems. 

Inspired by the song False Alarm by Matoma and Becky Hills.

___________________________________________________________

‘How about this one?’

‘You are not gonna get laid in this one, trust me.’ my friend tells me.

‘What if, and it might sound totally crazy, I don’t wanna get laid?’ I say, amused.

‘At a wedding? Bullshit.’  

I laugh a bit and go back to my cabin to change again. I look at all the possibilities in front of me, pink puffy dress, green silk dress and a white dress. I scowl looking at the white dress. As if I would wear that to someone else’s wedding. I draw the curtains of the cabin, only in my underwear, and look at Alica.

‘I’m desperate. For the love of God, find me something.’ I whine.

‘Why do you care so much about this wedding anyway?’ she says as she browses through a bunch of dresses behind her.

‘David will be there.’

‘The guy who looks like a serial killer?’

‘He does not -’ I begin, walking towards her, ‘he’s a sweet guy.’  

‘And he’s married.’ she states.

‘Yes, he is.’ I mutter.

After a long silence, she gently slaps me on my arm, ‘Oh my god! Are you serious? I thought you didn’t sleep with married men!’

‘I don’t!’ I defend myself, ‘I just – I don’t know. I wanna be smoking hot at Sean’s wedding and the fact that David is there might or might not have a direct link to my desperate search for the perfect dress. We might never know.’ I say with a bit of sarcasm.

‘Sweetie,’ she puts her hands on my shoulders, ‘I’m sure he’s a fantastic guy, but don’t get too hyped about him. You’re gonna get yourself hurt.’ she says in a gentle tone.

‘I -’ I stammer, ‘Look, it’s just a dumb crush. I’ll be over it after a new one-night stand.’

‘Are you sure?’ she questions me.

‘Sure. I mean, yeah, I’d climb this guy like a fucking tree -’

‘You’re unbelievable.’ she cuts me off.

‘Buuuuuut -’ I motion to her to let me finish, ‘I can’t, and I won’t. I honestly think David and I can be good friends. Whether you believe me or not, I really do think that.’ I reassure her.

‘I do believe you, but please, just be careful. I’m telling you this because I care about you.’ she says while putting a strand of my hair behind my ear.  

‘I know and if you were in my shoes, I would be telling you the same thing.’ I smile at her.

‘I know.’ she smiles back.

I hesitate a few seconds, ‘So anyway, as I was saying: like a fucking tree -’ I joke and start laughing.

‘Oh my god!’ she throws a black dress at my face, ‘go try this one. Hopefully, it’ll help you get some.’

_

Car keys in hands, I lock my car and walk toward the ceremony. I put my keys in my purse and see I have a text message from Alica wishing me good luck for the evening and all. I text back a simple ‘Thanks, love you xx’ and I put in back in my purse. I stop in front of the door, and I observe my surroundings. I see a few faces I recognize, and they wave at me. I wave back and smile at them. This event won’t be that bad. I’ll probably run into lots of people I know – from the industry – that I haven’t seen in a long time. Good opportunity to catch up.

‘Wow! You look beautiful!’

I hear a familiar voice and turn around. I see Daniela – Melchior, aka Ratcatcher 2 – trotting towards me. She opens her arms; I do the same and we hug each other more tightly than I thought we would. I really do enjoy Daniela’s presence, but she lives in Portugal and only come to the USA from time to time for the pre-production of the film so I haven’t had the chance to get to know her as much as I would have liked.

‘I didn’t think you would be here!’ I say, surprised.

‘Me neither, but James convinced Warner Bros to pay for my plane ticket and told them it was work related.’ she says, excited.

I laugh, ‘Of course he did that.’

I’ve known James for years and I would’ve been surprised if he hadn’t arranged for Daniela to be here for his brother’s wedding. James is always like that; he wants to create a sense of family with his crew, and no one is left behind.  

‘I’m so nervous.’ Daniela says quietly.

‘How come?’

‘I don’t know anyone here except for the Suicide Squad gang.’ she muttered, looking down.

‘Hey, gotta start somewhere, right?’ I gently put my hand under her chin, and I slowly raise her head. ‘don’t worry about anything, we got you.’ I wink at her, and a beautiful smile appears on her face.

‘Thanks.’

Daniela is, by far, the youngest of the group. She’s barely 23 years old, she’s from Portugal, English is not her first language, and The Suicide Squad is her first big international role. I remember the first time I saw her, she looked so intimidated being surrounded by all of us, but she’s learning so fast and I can’t wait to see what she’ll give us once we’re on set.

‘Let’s go, it’ll probably starts soon.’ I wrap a protective arm around her, and we walk through the front door.

_

‘I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride!’ the priest exclaims.

Sean grabs Nathasha – now officially his wife – by her waist and they kiss each other passionately. Everyone stands up and applauds to congratulate the newly married couple. Daniela grabs my arm, all excited by Sean and Nathasha walking down the aisle. I look at them, a huge smile on my face, and something – someone – caught my attention in the background.

‘What are you looking at?’ Daniela questions me, ‘hey look, David is over there!’ she says pointing in his direction.

Oh, poor child, if only you knew. Everyone starts following the married couple down the aisle and Daniela gently grabs my hand so we can’t get separated. Walking through this crown of Sean and Nathasha’s friends, Daniela and I find the exit and get there just in time to see the newly married couple leaving the place to go to the reception. I smile as I look at the car disappearing from my sight, I turn around towards Daniela and I freeze, my smile slowly fading away.

‘What’s the matter?’ Daniela asks, worried.

She follows my gaze and sees what I was looking at. David walking towards us, hand in hand with his – I assume – his wife. He waves at us and Daniela waves back at him while I’m still not moving. This shouldn’t be a surprise really. It makes perfect sense that he’s at a wedding ceremony with his wife and – fucking hell – she's pretty.

‘Hi, I’m Evelyn!’ she says with enthusiasm.

And she seems so nice. And has a good vibe. And they look like a great couple. And – fuck – I feel horrible for all the thoughts I’ve had – and still have – about her husband in the last two months. Daniela, still holding my hand, looks between me and her a few times and squeezes my hand a bit as if she was comforting me. I can hear them make small talk about the wedding and all, but I’m not paying attention. I see David trying to catch my gaze, but every time I either look at Daniela or his wife. I feel like such a spoiled brat, I shouldn’t be affected that much by this. I don’t want to marry him goddamn it, I just wanna – but I won’t - have sex with him. It’s just an attraction. A deep, intense and consuming attraction, but still an attraction, nonetheless. Why am I like this?  

‘Are you okay?’ Daniela asks, still worried.

I don’t answer as I look David and his wife walking towards their car, probably on their way to the ceremony. Daniela put her other hand on my back and hugs me a little.

‘I know what it feels like.’ she simply whispers close to my ear.

‘What do you mean?’ I mutter, getting back to reality.

‘I have been there before. It will be fine, trust me.’ she hugs me a bit tighter.

I turn my head towards her, and she gives me a warm smile.

‘Is it really that obvious?’

She laughs, ‘Come on, we have to go.’

Fuck, she knows.

_

Drink in hand, I’m on the dance floor with Daniela and we’re giving everything we have. Screaming the lyrics to the Icona Pop song ‘All Night’, she takes my free hand, and we start spinning, laughing and stumbling around. The last note of the song echoed on the dance floor, and I look at Daniela, out of breath.

‘How long have we been here? Jesus.’ I say catching my breath.

‘Long enough for this guy at the bar to completely undress you with his eyes.’ she subtly points me the direction with her chin.

I turn around to see the handsome stranger and I chuckle a bit. It’s no stranger, I know this guy. I look at Daniela as I finish my drink, I put it on the table next to us and I wink at her before leaving.

‘Hey Tom.’ I say seductively.  

‘Good evening, gorgeous.’ He flirts back in his English accent.  

Tom and I aren’t at our first ride together. We have history together, nothing serious really, but we do appreciate each other a lot. And he’s a good fuck, there I said it. For what feels like hours – who knows how long – we catch up, flirt, have a few drinks, hands wandering here and there. I feel myself getting more and more tipsy as the minute goes by. As Tom was whispering sweet nothings in my ear, something else caught my attention a bit far away. David and his wife, talking. They both move their hands a lot. Oh. I’m an idiot. They’re arguing. Not the ‘imma-scream-and-make-a-scene’ type of argument, but you can clearly see something is going on. After a few minutes, they both seem to have calm down. David put his hand on Evelyn’s hips and tries to kiss her, but she turns her head away, kissing her cheek instead. She gives him a weak smile and leaves. David sighs, rubs his forehead and walks towards the bar.

‘Tom, could you give me a moment, please? I think my friend’s not feeling good.’ I say, worried.

‘Of course, darling.’  

I get up and finally realize that I’m a bit more drunk that I thought I was, but nothing too crazy. I’ve seen worse, way much worse. I stabilize myself and walk towards the other bar where David was sitting all by himself, leaning his forehead against the palm of his left hand as the other was mindlessly scrolling on his phone.  

‘What is a handsome place like this doing in a man like you?’ I say, thinking I’m incredibly funny.

He turns around to look at me, a weak smile on his lips.

‘That was dumb as fuck, I’m sorry. Can -’ I sit down next to him, ‘can I buy you a drink or something?’

‘That’s very nice of you, but I don’t drink.’ He simply says.

‘Oh.’

I look around, a bit awkward. Even though there’s loud music playing permanently, it feels like there’s a heavy silence between us. I decide to stay right next to him and I start scrolling on my phone too.

‘You don’t have to do this, you know.’ He mutters.

‘Oh, I insist! S’cuse me, sir -’ the barman turns towards me, ‘can I have two glasses of water pretty please?’ the barman nods.

‘You’re unstoppable, aren’t you?’ Another weak smile appears on his lips.

‘Always. So -’ the barman puts down the glasses in front of us, ‘you wanna talk about it?’ I risk myself.

‘Not really, actually.’ He sighs.

‘It’s perfectly fine! So, hmm, ah yes! I watched this horror movie the other day, I’m sure you would have love it! There’s this girl, y’know? She slept with a guy she went on a movie date with. After their sexy time this asshole fucking drugs her with – what's it called – that liquid they use on washcloths in movie to make people fall asleep and kidnap them?’

‘Chloroform.’ He chuckles.

‘This! Yes! So anyway, she falls asleep and when she wakes up, she’s tied up on a chair! And then there’s this weird looking naked woman walking towards the girl and turns out this woman is actually a ghost now chasing the girl and the guy slept with her because you can pass this ghost curse through sex. Can you fucking believe that?’

‘I cannot believe it.’ He says, clearly amused.

‘Does it make sense? Should I stop? Sorry, I’ve been drinking tonight.’ I say, a bit embarrassed.

‘No, no! Please, tell me more.’

And I keep babbling about the movie It Follows and as I go, I realize that most of the things I say don’t make any sense at all, but as long as David keeps smiling and laughing, I’ll just keep going. At one point of the story, he bursts out laughing which makes me smile so much that my jaw is almost hurting.  

‘There it is. That smile.’ I simply say.

Hu blushes, ‘Thanks.’

We look at each other for a few seconds and I motion him to drink water, which he does. I do the same and I almost choke on my water when I hear ‘Dance With Me Tonight’ by Olly Murs starts playing. I put down my glass and take David by the arm with enthusiasm.  

‘That’s my song, come on David!’ I pull on his arm.

He laughs and I can feel him letting himself go. He follows me on the dance floor, and I start dancing, encouraging him. He looks around, with a small smile on his lips and he looks back at me, rubbing his neck with his hand. I reach out to him, and he grabs my hands. Laughing and moving around, we can’t stop looking at each other as we’re having the time of our life. I suddenly stop when I feel a hand – not David’s - on my shoulder.

‘I was looking everywhere for you, darling.’ he says slipping his hand down my back, ‘I’m Tom.’ he stares at my partner.

‘David.’ he simply answers.

‘I’m going back to my place, darling. Care to join me?’ he gets closer to me.

Still holding David’s hand, I look between him and Tom, unsure of myself. I glance at David who gives me a reassuring smile. I know he wouldn’t be mad at me. I mean, I do wanna get laid. But.

‘Sorry, Tom. I’m staying.’ I say confidently as I feel David’s hands gently squeezing mine.

‘Oh, I see.’ he bends towards me and kiss me on the temple, ‘call me, okay?’

I nod and watch him leave the place. I exhale deeply and turn back towards David who has a cheeky smile on his face. He rubs my hand a little bit with his thumbs, and he laughs.

‘Did I just cock-blocked you?’

‘I think you did.’ I laugh back.

He hesitates, ‘It’s not too late if you want to join him.’ he says looking in the direction Tom left.

‘No! I -’ I cut him off, ‘I’d rather stay here.’ I say under my breath.

He smiles, ‘Where were we?’ he starts dancing again.

_

Quoting our favorite movies, David and I are walking down my street. I would be lying if I said I was still drunk, I’m not. I haven’t had a drink since I went to see David at the bar, but I don’t feel like I need the effect of alcohol to enjoy myself right at this moment.  

‘You didn’t have to walk me home, y’know?’ I shiver.

‘I know, but I wanted to.’ hey says as he wraps his jacket around my shoulders.

I blush and look down at my feet. We walk down the rest of the street in a comfortable silence and I’m here, wondering what would happen next if he wasn’t married. I push those thoughts away as I see my apartment complex in front of me.

‘Home sweet home.’ I sigh, not wanting this night to ever end.

‘Home sweet home, indeed.’ he replies, ‘look,’ he hesitates a few seconds, ‘thank you for tonight. I truly mean it.’ he says with a warm smile.

I feel my heart beating faster, ‘Anything for you, David.’

He looks down, bites his lips and looks back at me, ‘I forgot to tell you,’ he gets closer, ‘you looked lovely tonight.’ he gently takes back his jacket from my shoulders.

I catch my breath, ‘Thanks.’

‘Sweet dreams.’ he whispers.

‘Good night.’ I whisper back and he smiles.

He turns around and starts walking again. I look at him for a few seconds before I enter my apartment complex with a sigh of – I don’t know – frustration or relief, I wouldn’t be able to say which one.

‘Are you okay, miss?’ Alexander, the night shift lobbyist, asks me.  

‘Yes, I’m fine.’  

No, Alexander, I’m not fine. My core is throbbing, my heart is racing, and I can’t remember the last time I’ve been this fucking horny.  

[elocinnicole]

Not Dating. Just Friends

Summary: Shauna’s apartment has a plumbing issue and has to stay somewhere until it’s fixed

Pairing: Collin Hoskins x OFC Black!Reader (Shauna Lewis)[mentioned mainly] Rating: M for language 18+ MINORS DNI This is set between the events of the movie and the show Blindspotting

Shauna knew she wasn’t tripping when she felt droplets of water hit her face. She looked up at her ceiling and saw a small puddle forming. When she got off her bed to investigate that’s when the floodgates opened and water rushed down onto her brand new bed set.

“FUCK!” Shauna called out

“We’re sorry, our toilet was overflowing,” a person said from a hole, yes, a hole, in Shauna’s ceiling

“Shut the fuck up!” Shauna yelled back, how can someone’s toilet overflow that much and they not notice it.

“Wow, a waterfall!!!!” Zan said from behind Shauna, he rushed forward eager to play in the water, knowing her son, she scooped him up

“Don’t play in the water baby, it’s not clean.”

“Aw,” He pouted

"We’re really sorry, we didn’t know--” The neighbor above started to say 

“I really need you to, SHUT UP!”

Of course, it was just Shauna’s luck that she left her phone on the bed when the water came through, so she was left without a phone. Shauna knocked loudly on the front door of Rainey’s house, hopping her pounding was heard over the bass of the music. She had stopped by Ashley and Miles earlier but when no one answered she came over here. She shifted her weight, Zan fell asleep on the car ride over, and not wanting to wake him she carried him up to the door. After a few minutes, she was about to go to her mom’s hopefully she was back in town. She couldn’t remember if she came back from visiting your aunt tonight or tomorrow morning, without a working phone she couldn’t call anybody. Just as Shauna was about to go back to her car, the door swung open, letting out a breath of relief, she was happy to see a familiar face.

“Shauna?”

“Shit, Ash, can we come in please?”

“Uh, yeah, how did you know we were here?”

“I went to your place first but y’all didn’t answer.”

“Yeah, we came over for Rainey’s birthday. Miles just left to pick up her and Nancy from the club. What the hell is going on?” Ashley asked allowing them into the house

“Fuckin neighbor above me toilet was overflowing and now there’s poop water in my damn apartment.”

“What the fuck?”

“ Right? My phone got fucked up so I couldn’t call before I came over and I need—”

“Shauna, go put Zan in the bed with Sean. Then come down to the kitchen, we taking shots. Sounds like you need one,”

“Shiiit, I need the whole damn bottle.”

After putting Zan to bed Shauna came back down to see Ash, Miles’ sister, Trish, and Janelle, Collin’s sister. She met her a few weeks ago when Collin invited her over for a small cookout.

“You look like shit Shauna,” Trish said in true Trish fashion

“Damn Trish I just told you she got a lot of bull shit going on at her house.” Ash scolded

“It’s cool Ash, remember that shit the next time you wanna schedule a last-minute appointment. Imma let Kia do your hair the next time and she gonna fuck up your edges.” Shauna snapped she grabbed the first available shot glass and downed it

“First of all, that was my damn shot and second, I was just playin, Shauna, damn lighten up bitch.”

“I got a fuckin’ huge ass hole in my apartment and my shit is ruined, and I just paid off that fucking bed set. DAMN!” Janelle quickly poured Shauna another shot which she eagerly took

“That was a nice ass bed set too,” Ashley commented

“Wasn’t it? It lit up and shit, did y’all bitches know that shit had drawers in the front too?!”

“Where you get yo set from? I’m trying find a new bed for when I move out.” Shauna glared at Janelle who held up her hands in defense

“Just like boogie bitches today don’t wanna tell nobody where they get they shit from. I’ll just google the shit myself, ain’t that hard. What color was that set?”

“Janelle!” Ashley said nudging her friend

“What?”

“I don’t know what Imma do, this is the last thing I needed right now. I know they gonna pay for it but, the rent’s been getting higher, Zan’s Dad hasn’t paid child support in months, it ain’t like he broke, the nigga just went on a trip to Vegas. This was just the last thing I needed on my plate.”

“Well, of course, you know you guys are welcome here, it’s gonna be a little tight but we’ll make the room.”

“So you just offering up rooms here like we a fucking boarding house?” Trish added, Ashley ignored her, she learned a long time ago sometimes you just had to ignore Trish.

“Like I said, you guys are welcome here.”

“Ashley, you’re the best but I don’t wanna be a burden. Zan can stay here but I can stay at my Mom’s.”

“That’s all the way across town, how the hell you gonna get Zan to school?”

“Maybe I’ll let Zan stay with his dad I mean he’s been asking about spending-”

“No, Shauna stay your ass here. We’ll find room for you.”

“Shauna, you can stay at my place, you’ll be right next door to Zan. It’ll be easier for you to get him to school and to work.” Janelle offered, you sighed heavily you really weren’t in the position to deny help. “You can sleep on the couch.”

“Fine, thanks, Janelle.”

“Of course, besides I would like be a bitch if I didn’t let my brother’s girlfriend stay at our house.” You blushed when Janelle mentioned ‘girlfriend’, you and Collin weren’t officially dating but the two of you were spending a lot of time together ever since Ashley set the two of you up.

“Not his girlfriend yet, we just friends.”

“Girl bye, y’all more than friends, I saw that sneaky link that other day,” Trish teased

“What sneaky link?” Janelle exclaimed looking at you

“Bitch so I was outside with Jackie and I seen Collin come outside and I ain't really think much of it. I thought the nigga was gonna roll up, but then I seen this bitch pull up and she got on an oversized hoodie and some UGG slides. Bitch, I know what a sneaky link look like.”

“Okay, it’s not a sneaky link, and we not dating, we’re just friends.”

“Bitch, whatever, it was a fucking sneaky link.”

“How the hell I ain’t hear y’all? Collin room is right next to mine.”

“Y’all wasn’t home,” Shauna mumbled

“Where was Zan?” Ashley questioned

“With his Dad,”

“Bitch, you did not drop your baby off just to get some dick.”

“First of all, he was already over there, and what if I did? Shit, I need some too.”

“Alright, can we not talk about my brother’s dick,”

“Like you ain’t never had a sneaky link with Jaylen,” Ashley teased

“Jaylen?! Corner store Jaylen?” Shauna exclaimed

“Nah, see we ain’t talkin about that,”

“The fuck we not, bitch when this happen?”

“A few times, that’s it,” Janelle said vaguely

“Un uh, bitch I seen Jaylen car outside your house more than a few times. Don’t play,” Trish added

“Damn, Trish what about your sneaky links since you know about everyone else’s?” Ashley asked

“I don’t do sneaky links.”

“Bitch bye, Ash thank you for keeping Zan, if he get too much I’ll call his Dad and he can come get him.”

“Shauna, it’s cool. You know Sean loves playing with Zan, I got you. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, you’re my last appointment, thanks again.” Shauna turned to look at Janelle “You stayin?”

“Yeah, you can head over, Collin should be there.”

“Oh see, you can get some pick me up dick.” Trish joked, Shauna flipped her off before saying bye to every and leaving Rainey’s

Shauna walked over next door to Collin’s and knocked on the door a few times. The door opened to reveal a confused Collin, he must’ve been sleeping because it looked like he was still trying to open his eyes up all the way.

“Shauna? What’s goin on, everything good?”

“Uh, no. I just came from Rainey’s there’s a leak at my place and I had to find somewhere to stay. Janelle said I could stay here while my place gets fixed.”

“Damn, that’s fucked up, come in.” Things were still kinda new between the two of you, it had only been a month since your first date.

“You can sleep with me—shit, I mean if you want to, not that you have to. If you don’t want to then you don’t have to sleep in my room—”

“It’s cool, Janelle said I can take the couch.”

“Do you need something to change into?”

“Yeah, I got clothes in my car but I don’t feel like going back out there. I honestly want to lay down.”

“Aight, I’ll get you somethin’, uh, there are pillows and blankets in the living room. It’s that big ass cushion in the middle of the floor.”

“You mean an ottoman?” Shauna teased

“Haha funny, yeah. I’ll be back.”

“You were in the middle of transforming the couch into a bed when Collin returned with one of his Oakland t-shirts.

“You giving me a Town shirt?”

“Don’t act brand new, I already know you been stealin’ my shirts.”

“I don’t steal, I need something to wear because somebody has been ripping up all my shit,”

“Maybe you should come over no clothes next time,” Collin smirked

“Nigga, bye.” Shauna started to take off her clothes and Collin adverted his eyes not to seem disrespectful for staring

“You don’t have to look away, it’s nothing you haven’t seen before,” Shauna said, slipping the shirt that was basically a dress on her onto her body. She sat down on the sofa and started to get comfortable,

“Can you sit with me for a little bit? If you don’t want to then—”

“Nah, it’s cool. You want to put on a movie?”

“We can, I might fall asleep. I got an early hair appointment tomorrow.” Collin sat beside Shauna and they cuddled up to one another

“When you gonna braid my hair?”

“Nigga, you gotta make an appointment, I book up fast.”

“Aw, you gonna make me book an appointment.”

“You are not an exception, you gonna have to book like everyone else and hope that I’m available.”

“Well, I’m different than your other clients?” Shauna hummed in response

“How so?”

“I think your clients have a different form of ‘payment’ than I do,” Collin said his voice getting lower,

“Oh really, and what kind of payment you got?”

“Imma give you that happy ending,” Shauna snorted and playfully slapped his chest.

“That’s not how it goes, stupid,” The front door opens and they can hear Nancy laughing loudly

“Bye, Rainey!” Nancy shouted walking into her home “Don’t flash nobody else!” Nancy walked into the living room and stopped upon seeing Shauna and Collin on the couch. They couldn’t help it, but Collin and Shauna felt like a couple of teenagers that had just been caught kissing by their parents.

“I don’t care what you do, just don’t fuck on my brand new throws. Use the old ones.” Nancy said as she walked to her room.

“Ma!” Collin whined

“Collin, I’m well aware when Shauna comes over for whatever the hell y’all call it now. Hi Shauna!”

“Hey, Nancy,”

“Don’t fuck on my new shit, don’t touch my apple juice, and we good. Goodnight!”

“Goodnight,” Collin and Shauna said in unison

“You should probably get some sleep, don’t you have work in the morning?” Collin suggested

“Yeah, and I have to leave earlier Zan’s a little farther away from school. Thanks for sitting with me.”

“It’s good, Imma go lay down,” Collin moved to get up but Shauna grabbed his arm

“Or, you can stay a little longer?” Collin smiled softly and got comfortable. They talked for a few more minutes, Shauna was the first to go to sleep, Collin smirked at her soft snore. She would probably be embarrassed that Collin knew that she snored but he found it cute. Collin pressed a kiss to her forehead before he too drifted off to sleep.

Please let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!!!

Tagging: @nikole-witha-k  @iknowthekoolaidflavor @wreakhavoconmacroissantdiggs​

[im-whatchamccallit]

Crushcrushcrush//Kim Hongjoong (ATEEZ)

Request:  Hi i was wondering if you could do a soulmate werewolf hongjoong x human female reader angst and fluff like she over hears hongjoong saying something and she gets sad and shy and worried and stuff.....

Pairing: Kim Hongjoong x Fem!Reader

Genre: Angst with fluff at the end, Werewolf!AU, Soulmate!AU, a bit of College!AU

Warnings: Hongjoong’s kind of a dick with irrational thinking, cussing I guess

Word Count: 7.2k

(A/N: Lets just pretend I didn’t disappear for 6 whole months, but i am back and my medication is no longer giving me the big sad so I’m a little more motivated to write.This isn’t the best work I’ve done, this is actually idea 10 for this prompt and idk if it’s executed properly but Imma keep trying and hopefully, to keep from falling back into a slump, I’ll start a new series so I have a regular scheduled fic for everyone. Also, I think I botched expressing the AUS here but just let me know what you think. Sorry for always disappearing, I can’t promise I won’t go off the grid again but I’ll try harder to be active in anyway)

Your mother always said crushes stayed crushes for a reason: they hurt. Bad. But you thought she was wrong, that your feelings for someone could one day be reciprocated later if not sooner, and that’s what led you to him. Kim Hongjoong. The day you met was a complete accident, your body slamming into his as you wandered aimlessly during your freshman year of high school. He was gorgeous with wide brown eyes, beautiful pink lips and cheeks, his hair styled differently from the other boys to reveal his forehead, showing his individuality. He was perfection.

“I’m so sorry. Are you alright?” Those were the first words he spoke to you, his voice so gentle, so sweet. And the way he reached out to help you with no hesitation, holding your hands as he pulled you up effortlessly.

It was love at first sight, all until he looked down to your hands, eyes catching a glimpse of your wrist, a row of zeros peeking through the sleeve of your uniform jacket. He slowly pushed the fabric up, both your eyes widening to see your soulmate clock had finally timed out, his hands releasing yours to check his own wrist, a quiver to his lips as his clock matched yours, his once soft eyes now hard as he stared you down.

“Stay far away from me.” He warned, not saying another word as he headed to his homeroom, your body frozen as you watched him disappear. He was so harsh, yet you liked him. Maybe suddenly finding his soulmate scared him, but it was no problem to you! You were bound to end up together so you played the waiting game with him, being the perfect soulmate you could possibly be whether he accepted it or not.

And that led you here, now seniors in college and still acting the way you were when you met. Hongjoong was still cold, treating you like some plague while you could only smile along. You weren’t sure how you missed the fact you lived in a predominantly werewolf area until a public service announcement came on your television one night to remind humans to stay indoors during the full moon, that night dedicated to werewolves being as free as they could be, but it made you even more hopeful when you were on your way home from work one night, taking a shortcut through the woods since it lead right to your backyard.

You were 16 at the time, so the sight of a shirtless person would obviously make you flustered, but a shirtless Hongjoong? Enough to cause a nosebleed. He was 16 as well, the exact age a werewolf develops a mate bond and, seeing as you’ve already been confirmed as soulmates in the human world, the sudden desire to latch onto you and never let you go once you locked eyes only made your lifelong attachment more real, and he was freaking out. He didn’t speak, opting to shift without removing the remainder of his clothes, your eyes wide as he moved deeper through the thick trees and towards the horizon where the orange sky was in full view and, the grin on your face just couldn’t stop growing. You knew werewolves had a stronger drive to their mates, so the idea that he could avoid you forever was laughable. Sure, you were both 23 and he has uped his disdain for you from staying silent to calling you any vile name he could think of, but it was only a matter of time before he came around. You just knew it.

“(Y/n), stop gawking.” Miyeon joked, poking your side to snap you from your daydreams, your eyes widening when you noticed a few of Hongjoong’s friend’s catching your gaze, a blush painting your face as you turned away.

“I wasn’t gawking, just making sure their table was okay. I am their waitress tonight.”

“And every other night because you said, and I quote, ‘I wanna work at any table my Joongie’s going to be at!’” She mocked, your eyes rolling as you looked back towards them.

You took a job at a diner just a few blocks from both your apartment and college campus, the pay great and the distance convenient. It was the only time you had to yourself instead of lingering to Hongjoong, figuring out his classes and breaks to give him snacks and lunches you’d personally make for him since you overheard him complain about the campus food before, only to be told they tasted like shit and he’d find his own food. It was a bit of a kick to the face to hear that, but you had one saving grace: his pack. The first time Hongjoong sent you away with a bitter remark, they were curious about you, tracking you down when they weren’t with their alpha to get more info on who you were and what you found so loveable about the man treating you like some demon. They were surprised by how sweet you were and how accepting you were to be the unwanted luna of an eight-wolf pack. They could never hate Hongjoong but they sure as hell loved you just a little more than him. Unbeknownst to both of you, Yunho and Mingi found out where you worked, making a plan with the others to take Hongjoong there as much as possible so he would have no choice but to interact with you, even if he stayed silent to not appear like an asshole in front of the various strangers dining as well. Hongjoong would honestly never return if he had the choice, but something about the restaurant’s signature burger kept bringing him back, which is why he was here, sipping his soda angrily as he waited on his meal that would be served by his worst nightmare, you.

“I don’t know why you don’t just find someone else. Isn’t it easy for humans to reject soulmates? You could move on with no problems.” She said, helping you grasp onto the steel tray covered in various meals, a huff leaving you as you put on a bright smile.

“Because I know it’s harder to move on for wolves. You guys don’t have a choice on who your mates are, and you just accept it once you meet them. I know Hongjoong will accept me eventually, it’s just gonna take some time.” You gave one more smile before wobbling towards the table in question.

Hongjoong tried not to follow the gaze of his pack as they watched you happily approach them, letting out a huff as you adjusted the tray onto your shoulder, grasping the plates and placing them in front of the respective person, Hongjoong’s nose twitching at the smell of his burgers and fries, not wasting anytime to dig in as the other’s thanked you, but you shyly looked at the male before you, the tray pressed to your chest as you tried to find a casual way to speak with him.

“I-uh- I-I remembered last time you asked for extra cheese, so I decided to put cheese in the burger too! I hope you like it better than the tofu stew I made you for lunch the other week.”

“I didn’t ask for extra cheese this time, so why put it inside my burger where I can’t take it off?” He said spitefully, mouth still full as he set the half-eaten burger down.

Your smile faltered but bounced back as you reached towards his plate.

“O-oh! Well, I can take it back and make you another! This time I ca-“

“’This time’? You should’ve just done it from the start. Your job is to listen and do what you’re told and you can’t even do that? What can you do right?”

You swallowed hard, your eyes wandering to the people now staring at you as the scene unfolded, your heartbeat ringing in your ears as you tried to hold it together. The worst he’s called you in an idiot and that was usually under his breath, so to practically say it out loud, in front of strangers while you were in the middle of a shift and forced to do nothing but smile like you usually would, felt like you were being stabbed and burned simultaneously. You couldn’t keep smiling, looking down as you tried to apologize, only for him to cut you off once again.

“Go bother someone else. Or hide in the back if you’re just gonna keep fucking up this much.”

The space was eerily silent, even with the soft music playing, your eyes not leaving your shoes as you shuffled away. It was a pitiful sight, Seonghwa releasing a breath he didn’t realize he was holding as you went to a neighboring table to retrieve plates and glasses left by a couple from before. He was ready to tear Hongjoong’s head off, not as a gamma to an alpha but as one friend to another, his jaw tight as he prepared to berate him the way he did you but, somehow, Wooyoung beat him by asking a question none of them thought to ask before.

“What did she ever do to you that you have to treat her like that?”

There was a strange but tense silence as they awaited his answer, watching him taking small bites of his fries as he stared ahead at nothing before turning to them with what could only be described as a sadistic smirk.

“Imagine being 13 and finding out the best years of your life, the years of dating, hooking up, just discovering who you are, are gone because your mate decides to show up and take that from you.”

“Are you fucking stupid? That’s the reason we have mates, so we can do those things with one person instead of random people!” Seonghwa nearly yelled, trying to keep his voice low as to not alarm anymore spectators again.

“For the past 7 years, I’ve been trying to get her to leave or just reject me, but it’s clear to me now that she’s just an idiot that doesn’t understand she’s not needed, by me or anyone. And, if you’re as dumb as her, I’ll simplify it for you: she’s unwanted.”

Whatever pain you felt before suddenly disappeared into a numbness you couldn’t explain. He knew you were there, that you could hear him, that you would hear him, and yet he still said it. You were conflicted and sad, your lips curling in a mixture of disgust and anger before settling on a bright smile. Never mind the fact your tears finally spilled over, that your heart ached with every beat and your body felt heavy with the weight of being rejected by someone you waited so long for, you just had to smile. Soulmates were supposed to be a sure thing, supposed to be your happily ever after, yet it just turned out to be a crush, one that you should’ve let die the day you met him.

“(Y/n/n)…” Miyeon spoke cautiously as you made your way towards the bar, your other coworkers watching from beside her as if you were some strange spectacle.

“We have to start cleaning, y’know? It’ll help us get out of here a lot faster tonight.” You said in your usual cheerful tone, tears still flowing and a faint crack to your voice.

“How about you just head home for the day, (Y/n)? We can handle everything from here.” Your manager said, her eyes scanning your face as you moved past them and to the kitchen, their bodies following instinctively.

“What? No! I’m fine! We still have 4 more hours to go and I think if I get a head start with the chefs for tomorrow lunch specials I ca-“

“(Y/n), please-“

“I’m fine, Miyeon! Really! It’s not like I got broken up with or anything, I never even had a boyfriend! Just a crush on someone that thinks I’m a waste of space! Isn’t that super ironic? Spending most of your life chasing after someone that wants nothing to do with you? That’s really funny, right?” You choked out, lips pursing into a thin line to keep in your sobs but your attempts were futile, everything slowly starting to hit you at once until your body collapsed, one of the other servers catching you before you hit the ground.

It was all a blur from there, the words of comfort everyone offered turning into muffled noise as your cries of agony came out freely, the way Miyeon dragged you from the emergency exit at the back of the building and to her car to take you home, and even when you crawled into bed and managed to sleep despite the pounding headache. 7 years came and went and there was nothing to show for it. No soulmate, no boyfriend, no romance, not even a friendship. You were empty and for some reason the only thing filling your heart and mind was the person who broke you.

It felt like time stood still yet hours had passed, Hongjoong back in his own bedroom pressing away at his keyboard, stopping occasionally to write a few notes down from his new composition, but he wasn’t distracted enough to hear his door open, various footsteps entering and even a few bodies settling in on his bed, his eyes not bothering to leave his notebook as he figured this moment would come.

“You don’t need to lecture me.” He grumbled, going back to play a few more notes only to find his keyboard unplugged, Mingi tossing the cord away as his alpha stared him down.

“It’s only a lecture if you listen and learn, which you won’t, so we’re gonna make you feel as bad as possible for driving away the only person that gave a shit about you.” San said with a bright smile, a scoff leaving Hongjoong as he finally turned in his chair to face them, eyes scanning the room to see this situation wasn’t playful but truly hostile, almost like an ambush.

“So, you guys don’t care about me?”

“Trying to get you to accept your soulmate so you don’t die shows we care a lot more than we should.” Yeosang spoke, making himself comfortable as he sat against the pillow and headboard.

“But we’re the real assholes for trying to force her with someone as shitty as you.” Seonghwa finally said, Hongjoong’s head snapping in his direction as he let out a dry chuckle, shifting in his seat so he was leaning backwards, arms crossed as he told himself to stay calm during his friend’s potential tantrum.

“I feel like you have the most to say since you’ve been in love with my mate the longest, so go ahead, tell me how I’m such a bad man, Seonghwa. I’m all ears.” His smugness made the tension worse, Seonghwa stepping closer with clenched fist.

“I’m not in love with you mate, but if I didn’t know someone was waiting for me because we were fated to be together, maybe I would have asked (Y/n) out, because she deserves better than a lowlife with the brain function of a dead goldfish. But I respect her too much as your mate and my luna to not push those boundaries so I tried to help her get closer to you because I know you, Hongjoong. You’re not an asshole or a jerk, but to her? You treat her like shit, when really you’d have no one without her. You’re a short, scrawny, nerdy moron that locks himself in a dark room for days on end just to complete a single project, then emerge to eat cold pizza and watch Despicable Me because your pea-sized brain can’t comprehend anything that isn’t brightly colored animation. If you take away your alpha status, no girl would even look in your direction but you have someone literally at your side, the only human not afraid of you, trying to figure out everything there is to know about you, yet you can’t give her the time of day. You probably don’t even know a damn thing about her.”

“Unfortunately, I know more than enough about her.” Hongjoong spoke, all amusement gone as he glared at the older male, their mindlink clogged with threatening growls and barks, trying to keep their fight from getting physical.

That first sentence alone made Hongjoong’s blood boil, his face contorted in a mixture of pain and disgust. How could Seonghwa even say that to him, plotting to steal his mate all because he was a bit uncertain? That all it was, uncertainty! He didn’t hate you, or wish you weren’t around, he actually grew to anticipate and enjoy your ramblings about your day or whatever new thing caught your attention, he actually even loved the lunches that you’d make for him. He couldn’t help that over the years he grew to crave you more, but the thought of fully accepting you and solidifying that the best years of his life were about to be gone, restricted to one person forever before he could even determine for himself his likes and dislikes, what he considered real love rather than what fate wanted him to feel, was terrifying. So he distanced himself from you, spending the years watching you from afar in hopes that if he didn’t get too close he wouldn’t lose his free will completely.

But it was a bad habit that seeped into your college years, everyone assuming he cared so little for you when he knew everything there was to know. He knew where you worked before any of the boys did, where your apartment was, the fact you were a business major planning to open a bakery once you graduated, he knew you didn’t have classes on Fridays but always came back on campus because you prepared meals for the men’s and women’s wrestling team which is where Jongho first met you, he knew you hated mint chocolate chip ice cream just like him but loved chocolate ice cream with mint chips, he knew you were always cold but overheat at night and wake up at exactly 3am to change into shorts and a tank top to be more comfortable, he knew about the birthmark on your lower back and a scar on your hip from a cat scra-

“Holy shit, you’re insane.” Wooyoung breathed out, Hongjoong’s eyes focusing on the room in front of him, a mixture of shocked expressions and amused ones filling his vision.

“I liked it better when we thought you hated her but, hyung, you’ve been stalking her since your freshman year of high school?” Jongho asked cautiously.

It was a weird feeling bubbling inside Hongjoong, the primary one being embarrassment. He knew he’d sometimes unintentionally rant in their mindlink whenever he was upset but to make an almost decade long secret public to his pack, revealing the intimate details of how you slowly but surely ingrained yourself into not only his brain but his life until he felt like he was going crazy? It made him tear up, his face burn with a blush as he was finally forced to face the truth. He pushed you away but wanted you more than anything. He wanted to spend his years free to explore before finally settling down only to reject every girl that came close to him simply because they weren’t you, and he took that anger out on you. What was he so mad about? The fact you stood by his side with a smile happily accepting him while he tried and failed to lust after other women? Was he that pathetic? He could admit now that he was and, if he could turn back time, he would’ve introduced himself and walked you to class. Just the first step of fully accepting you.

“You’re still ranting in the mindlink, you know?” Seonghwa said softly, regaining the once again lost focus of his alpha who was too consumed in his own pity to notice the tension died down, their gazes soft as they tried to sympathize with their leader.

“Sorry. I wish none of you heard that stuff.” He admitted, sniffling as he realized he’d been crying, hand hurriedly wiping away tears from his cheeks.

“Well, it’s a good thing we did. We still think you’re a moron, but at least we know you’re feeling guilty about all of this.”

“Don’t worry, Joong, if you know (Y/n) like we do, she always sees the best in people, so she’ll forgive you. But you still have to apologize.” San followed up Mingi’s words, wrapping an arm around Hongjoong shoulders while giving a bright smile in response to his weak one.

“She’s my TA in Calc 3 and I have that class around noon tomorrow. She always stays after in case anyone has questions, so I can stall until you get there.” Yunho offered, Hongjoong feeling a slight warmth in his chest thinking about it all. He’d let go of his insecurities, fix everything he’s done wrong, and finally have you as his. Tomorrow couldn’t come fast enough.

And tomorrow did come, but you were nowhere to be found. When Hongjoong arrived to Yunho’s class, he was met with a sympathetic apology on the account that you didn’t show up that day, you weren’t even at any of your other classes. The boys even tried to find you at work only to be met with a mob of your pissed coworkers led by Miyeon, threatening to rip their heads off if she saw their faces again. And that lasted for nearly 3 days, Hongjoong’s hope slowly dwindling away until he noticed two figures sneakily meeting halfway at the school’s entrance to exchange a large white cooler.

He recognized those bulky arms anywhere, and the thick Aussie accent was a dead giveaway as well, especially when it was followed by a distinct giggle. There was no mistaking it was Chan, but he could barely see the person with him, their voice low as they spoke to him and face hidden beneath a hood, but the scent emitting from them was strong, and beautiful, his eyes widening as he finally took it all in. You looked different, wearing a dark grey matching sweat suit which was a complete 180 from your usual attire, and you smelled faintly of passionfruit, possibly a change to your normal shampoo in an attempt to disguise yourself, but that thought only made his heart hurt more. Were you intentionally avoiding him? He could understand you hating him now but you were even ignoring the others in his pack, going from friends to complete strangers in a matter of hours and leaving them all devastated. He was going to fix this, here and now, if not for him and you than for his friends.

“Jongho’s been pretty upset about you not responding to his text. It’d really help if you stopped by to at least let him know you’re okay.” Chan pleaded, giving you a dimpled smile and hopeful gaze that made it impossible for you to hide your blushing face and grin.

“I just need a little more time, Chris. It’s like if you broke up with your mate and all the friends you made through her left you too. Except it’s me being broken up with by someone who was never my boyfriend and his friends came to me instead of me going to them. But, still, it hurts all the same.” You laughed slightly, trying to find some humor in the situation.

“You’re the only person that still calls me Chris.” He commented, trying to redirect the conversation as you clearly weren’t fine, neither of you noticing the burning glare just a few meters away.

“I just think it fits you best.” You admitted, neither of you breaking eye contact until you gasped, staring down to the box of food and drinks you bought.

“You should hurry to practice. You need to eat beforehand otherwise you’ll be weak after warmups alone. And I worked hard making those sandwiches and cutting that fruit, if it goes bad because you stayed here to cheer me up, I’ll really be mad.” You tried to put on your best scowl, your scolding undermined by his amused laughter.

“Alright, fine. Just stay safe, please?” You nodded, waving as you watched him turn to head to the school’s gymnasium, missing the way Chan glared at Hongjoong as he continued forward. Chan and Hongjoong’s packs were close, family almost, so the news of what Hongjoong did and why reached them in no time, and Chan was hoping today things would be fixed soon because, apart from you being the wrestling team’s beloved personal chef, you were like a sister to him.

You wasted no time leaving the campus behind, ready to go back into the darkness of your bedroom to forget you existed. You really wish you could disappear, that the ground would split beneath you and swallow you whole, but you couldn’t just leave when your phone was filled with calls and messages from friends and coworkers wondering where you were and if you were fine. So many people cared, what kind of person would you be to leave them all alone like this, especially when all they wanted was to help you? But being alone helped, trying to live life as normal as possible while adjusting to a Hongjoong-free lifestyle helped. It would take some time, but you’d find your normal someday. All you had to do was avoid-

“(Y/n)!” Your body froze.

He rarely called you by your name but his voice was distinct on its own, and it was the most sickly sweet thing you’ve ever heard. You wanted to run, to never have him see you like this. Dear god, how did you even look right now? You felt like shit, you probably looked the part. Dammit, Hongjoong was right all along, you were shit. You were worse than shit, you were just pathetic. A pathetic, lovestruck loser itching to just turn and say hi, to have the conversation you always dreamed of but you knew that wouldn’t happen. He’ll yell at you again. He’ll-

“(Y/n)? H-hi…” Hongjoong said shyly, standing right in front of you as you shrank into yourself.

His brows furrowed as you looked away, mentally arguing with yourself as you went over the days of self-reflecting you did, trying to find some lesson from your solitude to aid in this situation and it was starting to scare him. You were never quiet with him, you always had something to say even if it wasn’t important but, luckily, he had something important to say and hopefully you’d listen.

“I- T-the other day…. I w-was…. I-I’m sorry.” He stammered out, this confession a lot harder than he thought, especially now that you were facing him, eyes just as innocent as the day he met you, but he couldn’t run away this time.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me, honestly. Everyone told me I was an idiot and I think they’re right. I treated you like you were garbage for years, all because I didn’t want to be mated so young. I just wanted to date around before I finally settled down with someone and, m-maybe I could’ve just said that, so you didn’t have to wait around for me all these years but, I never hated you, and I can’t hate you. I know you won’t forgive me right away but I think it’s only fair that I can be a good mate to you now.”

He swallowed hard, trying to suppress the desperate ‘please’ he wanted to add as your pupils began to shake, almost as if you were a machine malfunctioning, none of your self-reflecting preparing you for this moment, the only thing coming to mind being some sad blog article you found during your second day of isolation. ‘Forgiving and forgetting too soon is dangerous. Find yourself’. It wasn’t what you wanted but maybe what you need, what he needed. So, without hesitation, you smiled brightly at him although it never reached your eyes, clearing your throat as you tried to keep your voice steady.

“Hongjoong, I can’t forgive you easily. I waited for you, I tried to make you accept me and it always ended up with me getting hurt. Honestly, if I just treated you like a regular crush, maybe we could’ve forgotten we’re meant to be together until after graduation or something.” You laughed awkwardly, wanting to look away as his eyes softened in the saddest way, but you needed to do this, eyes locked on his as you exhaled through your nose.

“I couldn’t be by your side all the time, so whether you dated anyone is still a mystery to me but, I’ve been alone for seven years hoping you’d come around, and I think it’s time I take those years back. I’m not sure if what you said counted as a rejection or if we’re still mates but, if we are, we’ll come back to each other eventually. For now, I just need some time.”

You managed to walk past him without completely collapsing in tears, speed walking back to your apartment as you tried to swallow sobs, not even taking in the way Hongjoong stumbled to follow you, almost like a zombie as he attempted to plead for you to reconsider, to force himself to accept your decision but ask how long you needed, but he couldn’t do that. He tried to picture himself in your shoes, seven years of pining only to be publicly humiliated by the person you were meant to spend the rest of your life with. He couldn’t blame you for not forgiving him, and he sure as hell couldn’t force you, so he let you go, trudging in the opposite direction to his two story apartment just to hide in his bedroom until he didn’t feel like dying anymore.

But as more days passed and it only got harder for Hongjoong. He barely left his room but also never slept, every song he created was played in minor scales to fit his now melancholy life. The charisma he typically exuded was hidden with puffy red eyes from crying and a yellow knit sweater a few sizes too large for his body but it was the only thing that comforted him at this point, especially when knowing you had reconnected with everyone but him.

After exactly one week of distancing yourself from the world, you caved and meet with the boys individually (sans Hongjoong), apologizing for needing space although they completely understood, but the way each interaction ended made your guts churn with guilt. ‘Stay safe, luna’, that’s how all of them addressed you before they left, leaving you filled with the desire to return to how things were before. You missed your friends and, the fact your mate was finally ready to claim you, only made you want to forgive Hongjoong sooner. But you needed to be your own person for once. You had seven years worth of relationships to catch up on and you wouldn’t let them keep you from that.

Except when they did.

You should’ve known it was risky letting them know you had a date so soon, just some other human on campus that had yet found his soulmate. They sounded happy for you, Wooyoung going so far to ask where you met and where your date would be and what time, giving suggestions on what to say and wear since it was “your first”. It was a sweet gesture, and you thought nothing of it, but that information meant everything to him which led to now, the boys huddled together in their living room with a slightly paler and sickly looking Hongjoong curled into the corner of their loveseat.

“So they’re going bowling tonight at 8:30? We could ask her about it tomorrow in case she’s into him because hyung isn’t looking too great.” Yeosang commented, everyone looking to Hongjoong as he managed to drown his entire body within the sweater, only his head visible as he stared ahead like some lost puppy.

“He’s just weak from not being around her for so long, but their bond is still there so he’s fine. But we have nothing to worry about. She won’t fall in love with him so don’t get too involved, she’ll just stop talking to us again if we meddle too much.” Seonghwa warned, a chorus of ‘Okays’ confirming their dismissal as they all stood to retreat to their bedrooms.

“Wait, who is she going out with anyways? There’s only 10 other humans at that school.” Mingi’s question cause everyone to freeze, the silence in the room contrasting with the faint answer Woooyung gave in their mindlink, Hongjoong turning to look at him with hurt and pain.

“Why didn’t you say it was Yugyeom?!”

“I did! Just not to you, until now because I forgot to tune you out.” He said shyly, flinching as Hongjoong ran past him and right out their front door, none of them sure of what to do at that point.

It was such a minor yet major detail. Kim Yugyeom was admittedly the most wanted person any of them could think of. Human girls wanted him, werewolf girls wanted him, most guys couldn’t help but stare whenever he passed by. He was gorgeous with eyes that sparkled every time he smiled. He spoke about his soulmate with so much passion despite never meeting her, following his words with how he’d treat any girl before her with the same love and care. It was a pick up line meant to hook any hopelessly romantic girl in, the sweetest way to say their relationship wouldn’t last. But this was Kim Yugyeom, they knew it was only meant with good intentions, not wanting to string someone along with the false hope they’d be together forever. And that’s exactly what you needed. To explore while knowing you’d always come back to Hongjoong. But that’s not what Hongjoong wanted. He didn’t want you dating anyone else, finding temporary happiness when he was supposed to give you a lifetime of it. And humans were more flexible with their soulmates, they had the privilege to move one without the pain or withdrawals of losing their mate. Werewolves just died if they were rejected, heartbreak and loneliness consuming them, so there was no telling how your heart would react to someone exactly like you. Maybe you’ll fall in love with him. Maybe he’ll abandon his soulmate for you once he learns how amazing you are. Maybe Hongjoong would die from lack of food and sleep before he even reached your apartment, which he was still sprinting full speed towards. It was only 7:30pm, meaning he had an hour before you and Yugyeom went out, but he didn’t have a plan. He had no idea what he was doing, but he needed to stop you before you found yourself in love with someone else.

It was like some scene in a drama, Hongjoong’s chest heaving as he finally came to a stop just outside your apartment. His body felt like giving out as he climbed the two flights of stairs to your door, only to find you waving shyly to Yugyeom just as he turned away, trying not to lock eyes with Hongjoong but Hongjoong’s eyes were only trained on you, yours finding his as a panicked look crossed your face. Should you look away? Go back inside? What was he even doing there? You never told the boys your address… You gasped as he approached you, swallowing hard as you tried to remain calm, but how could you stay calm when you finally got a good look at him?

“Oh my god, are you okay?” You didn’t hesitate to ask, stepping further from your door to examine him, reaching for his face only to stumble back to your original position. You were making great progress, you can’t do that now.

“I’ve been better, but even then I wasn’t fine.” He said with a dry chuckle, your lips curling into a fake smile to not show how much his appearance affected you. He looked like he was on the brink of death. You knew wolves would get sick without their mates, but was it really killing him? Were you killing him?

“Joongi-Uhm, Hongjoong, how about you sit down? You look like you’re going to faint.” You offered, stepping back to allow him inside, watching him stumble past you and straight to your sofa as if he owned the place.

It was such an awkward moment for you, watching the poor boy curl into himself as his sweater practically became his body, a sigh leaving your lips as you shut your door. Instead of healing yourself, you had to heal him. It was oddly pitiful but your instincts screamed at you to do it.

Hongjoong shut his eyes as he eased into your sofa, feeling more comfortable than he was in his own home, even more so with your scent invading his senses, your body warmth radiating onto his as you carefully took a seat, trying to figure out what to do.

“Do you need food, or water? Or a doctor?” You asked, the giggle he let out this time weak but still enough to make your heart beat a bit faster.

“I just need you near me.” He admitted.

You let out a squeak as he shamelessly fell into your lap, head comfortably resting against your thighs as he laid face up. You couldn’t stop your hand from easing through his unnaturally colored locks, melting at how soft they were, bottom lip trapped under your teeth as you had to fight off the desire to cup his face. You’ve never gotten this close to him and he wasn’t telling you to go away, instead letting out content purrs as he nuzzled closer to you, your eyes burning with unshed tears. Why couldn’t he just want you from the start? You’d would’ve been able to hold him like this all the time, to see him happy and healthy rather than a shell of his former self. But he didn’t want you, and now he was at your apartment just to keep himself from dying. It was silly to think he cared about you as much as he did himself.

“Of course you do.” You whispered, laughing bitterly as your hand left his hair, moving to his arm to ease him back up into a sitting position.

You couldn’t get past him no matter how hard you tried, nor did you want to, but every word he said, everything he’s done, followed you like a ghost haunting some poor unsuspecting soul. Why did you have to love someone who didn’t love you the same? Why was this your life?

“Can you just hold me a little longer? P-please?” He asked with a cute whine to his voice.

You sighed and grabbed his arm, gently pulling him back into his previous position, fingers massaging his scalp as he finally opened his eyes to look at you. You were beautiful, even with the frown lines etched into your face. He wonder how long they’ve been there, especially when he’s only seen you smiling. Maybe you spent your alone time more upset than he thought. Where you upset before he came? You couldn’t be when Yugyeom was here, no one could be upset with him around. Except Hongjoong. He felt a grudge building inside him just from the mere thought of him with you. He felt like interrogating you on what he was doing here in the first place and why you gave your address out to just anyone, but it wasn’t his place to ask and probably wouldn’t be for a while, but jealousy and rage was all he felt so any reasonable thinking was thrown out the window.

“I don’t want you to see Yugyeom anymore.” He said definitely, your eyes widened as you stared at him incredulously, an amused giggle leaving your lips.

“That’s not for you to choose, Hongjoong. I told you I need time-“

“Those seven years you’ve been waiting I couldn’t be with anyone else. I always compared every girl I met to you and none of them came close to being as perfect, now I have to watch you date some dance major with pretty eyes because I was an insecure dumbass? He has a soulmate, and he’s always going to choose them no matter how much you like each other, so why not save your feelings? I’ll wait as long as you want me to, but just don’t fall in love with anyone else.”

You tried so hard to hide your smile. This wasn’t something you typically liked, possessive guys being on the list of things you found annoying, but considering it was Hongjoong, his soft eyes hard and sharp as their hue seemed to go pitch black as his words were both sweet and demanding, made you fall in love just a little more than you already were. You wanted to take this as his confession, as a truce in your previous one-sided enemyship, to tell him that you told Yugyeom you couldn’t go out with him because you could only see yourself with Hongjoong, but you needed time. Not time to date and explore the way you thought he had, but to watch him work as hard as you did to prove he was ready and willing to love you. It was a little malicious, sure, but it was all in good fun. He’d always be your mate after all.

“I don’t know, Hongjoong, you really hurt me…”

“It hurt knowing I wasn’t with you.” Your smile cracked through, causing his own to appear, your game already over.

“And how do you think I felt? You think you can make up seven years worth of waiting so easily?”

You squealed as he shot up, magically seeming more alive than when he arrived, eyes full of life and his lips and cheeks the same rosy color as when you met him, hands warm and soft as he cupped your face.

“Good thing I have forever to do it.”

The silence was comfortable but unbearable, especially as he hesitated to lean closer, your lips puckering to guide him but he didn’t seem to be catching on and, when he did, you shifted back, laughing awkwardly as you stared at one another, both of you taking a deep breath as you finally closed the gap between you, a weird electric sensation you could only dream of as your lips slowly grew accustom to one another, moving so slow yet feeling so urgent. It was all still new to the both of you, romance and dating only now becoming part of your lives, but it was exciting knowing that you had years ahead of you to perfect it, your entire lives dedicated to loving one another. And it only took a seven year crush to get you here.

[booksatm]

here’s my personal opinion on #elriel vs #gwynriel. (not that it matters to everyone, but imma state it anyway)

was the gwynriel scene touching? for sure. could she be azriel’s mate? quite possibly, i don’t see why not.

does that mean they have to end up together? NO. keep in mind, gwyn is JUST overcoming being around the opposite gender...like even at the end of ACOSF she kinda went back into her shell & had to think about attending #nessian ‘s mating ceremony cause the Rite messed her up again. she has personal growing to do, so do i think SJM is gonna toss her a man to help her get through her trauma WITH MEN...no...no, i do not. could azriel be gwyn’s mate — of course, but why can’t he just be the kind of mate who’s there for her? SJM has been laying too many clues for us regarding this mate thing; “it can be rejected”, “there can be more than one”; “it doesn’t have to result in a romantic relationship”, for y’all to believe every mating couple is going to end up together within the inner circle.

now, onto my girl elain. SHE HAD FAR TOO MUCH BUILDUP FOR THE NEXT BOOK NOT TO BE ABOUT HER. elain had so much, legitimately, so much buildup from ACOSF & all the previous books. AND IF YALL WANNA RECOGNIZE ONE POV, LETS RECOGNIZE THEM BOTH. why in the hickity heck would SJM have Rhys and Feyre talk about Elain “showing a different side to herself” for half of their POV chapter, if the next book wasn’t gonna be about her? SJM said that who the next book is about will be obvious....are we gonna ignore the elain sized elephant in the room where BOTH POVs spoke about her, and that throughout the book Elain was a quite frequent ‘mysterious’ figure that everyone was shook was finally standing up for herself? gwyn was only mentioned in azriel’s...soooo... & since we know each new books surrounds a pair that’ll become a couple; 1+1=elriel. & tbh y’all not liking the 3 brothers w/ the 3 sisters is kinda ehh cause who wouldn’t want to give the Bat Bois a chance to actually be brothers if they could??? like, i cannot think of anything more heartwarming. & let’s also not forget we had this same arguement at the end of ACOFAS with Cassian and Emerie...like y’all were so against Nesta that you really thought Cassian was going to end up with someone else, even though we’d had book after book of buildup. do we not see a pattern here? i’m just glad we’ve given up on #elucian, which was also held onto for quite a while even though we’d had book after book of evidence against that too...hmmm...another pattern. let’s not ignore evidence & SJM’s writing style.

in the end, gwyn is an amazing character, but if you came away from ACOSF thinking “oh yeah, and next she should get a romantic interest”, you got the wrong message from her story. she deserves love, of course, but not after the trauma she still needs to find her own way to overcome. & the love between her, Emerie, & Nesta was, very evidently, enough for her. and for y’all about to say “what about Nesta & Cassian, she just overcame trauma too and they got together”, THEYRE NOT THE SAME. nesta held no trauma that made her fearful of the opposite sex. trauma is different, and people have different ways of coping with it. what works for nesta is not guaranteed to work for Gwyn. most importantly, SJM is really setting us up for a powerful “choice” romance. i say that to mean, a major theme between Az & Elain is that their choices were being taken away from them. Elain hasn’t been able to make her own choices because of her sisters or Lucien, and now she can’t even decide to kiss a man she likes. Az has always been the ‘good soldier’ and wasn’t able to have Mor, a happy upbringing, and now Elain. he’s always been the “yes man”. like, i’m expecting Az to pop off and tell everyone “No, i’m doing what is going to make me happy”. he did that once when he went to save Elain in ACOWAR & i can’t wait to see him fight for who/what he wants once more (&i think being around elain makes him feel as though he can). think about it...now, why would SJM give us so much information about the “Blood Duel” & rejecting the bond if we weren’t going to see it at all...??? she wouldn’t do that. uh-uh. & for y’all who are referencing the shadows or the fact that Elain can’t give Az a baby...imma only say this once & hopefully we don’t have to address the latter ever again; the shadows leave when Az is safe & happy. so many quotes from the previous books showcase this. not saying that them dancing with gwyn means that he’s in danger, but the shadows have been shown to gravitate toward those with trauma, so they recognize gwyn’s pain & surround her. Elain allows Az to finally be at rest...his shadows can finally leave him. just think, would you really want the darkness surrounding you 24/7? no. the shadows are practically his job, so ofc he would want to be around someone who has them go away. he wants, craves some light. and with the freaking baby thing. women are not only used for procreation, but since y’all wanna keep bringing it up, technically Gwyn doesn’t have wings either, last i checked, so she wouldn’t be able to deliver the same way Elain isn’t able to. but that’s so legitimately disgusting to even argue about so, there. you can ship who you wanna ship or not, because personally, i find this all very entertaining. but if we wanna get into “whose right” or “the facts lead to gwyn”, i just wanted to present my own case for #elriel. if you simply don’t like elain with azriel because “elain is boring” “he deserves better” then please keep your misogynistic tendencies to yourself cause we stan all women in ACOTAR over here (with the exception of Amarantha). elain deserves happiness just like azriel does, so if her happiness lies with him or with a literal tree, she deserves whatever she wants just as much as any other character in this world.

[rightwr0ng]

ok so i have some theories about the enderwalk arg thingies um PLEASE hear me out on the last one i am BEGGING (this ended up being really long so i tried highlighting the important parts to hopefully help a little bit) please lmk y’all’s thoughts cause i think this whole project is super cool and i really wanna learn more about it so yeah :)

1. the crown image

starting with the symbols at the top; those are characters from the enderman language and they spell out “clock”. as for the letters scattered about i have no fucking clue what those mean, i put them in every word maker/ unscrambler i could find and i got nothing, i’m thinking they could stand for other things? i wanna say either names or locations but i couldn’t pin anything to those either so :/ (maybe names of tales characters?? idk i haven’t been keeping up with it but maybe?)

2. the book page

the word crossed out in the first line is assumed to be “circadian” which basically means to be on a schedule, from this we can assume that enderwalks happen on a somewhat consistent schedule that can be learned. whoever wrote this doesn’t know the history of enderwalkers (multiple??), but they do know that enderwalks or at least the trait of enderwalking is genetic, they also know that the things that take place during these can be harmful and they want to stop it. as far as i know we don’t have a confirmed answer on who wrote this (maybe we do idk) but i like to think karl wrote it just based off of the style of writing, speaking of writing/ font choices imma just add this in (@/shou_dii on twt)

3. the “z”

so this was just released today on ranboos stream (towards the end if you wanna go see) and as soon as he put it on screen chat went off saying it’s a “Z” and asking what it stood for. i thought about it for a while but just like the letters in the crown image i could think of anything, BUT ranboo saw chat and went “hm, i guess it does look like a Z” which could either be him messing with us or it’s just not a Z like everyone thought. i’m gonna go with the second option because i think it’s an “N”, my little brain worms are telling me it could stand for nocturnal and MAYBE it’s because enderwalks happen at night. THINK ABOUT IT maybe ranboo was enderwalking the night the community house blew up and that’s why nobody knew cause THEY WERE ASLEEP??? maybe the CIRCADIAN PATTERN (tie it back to the second image) of enderwalks is the same as our circadian pattern for SLEEP???? and maybe that’s where the clock comes in from the crown image, maybe that’s why it’s written in ENDERMAN language cause it’s referring to an ENDERMAN cycle based on THE TIME..... or it could be referring to dreams clock since him and ranboo are connected, yeah yeah yeah ikik just let me have my fun. it’s also worth mentioning that i’ve seen a few people say it’s a crack in dream’s mask, i don’t see it but maybe someone else does. it also kinda looks like a signature of just the letter Z, the line in the lower right could be a quill?? maybe??

[palbabor-writes]

So, uh, I got excited with this ask

Anonymous said:

so what if, and I’m just spitballin’ here, you wrote a little something for Tomura, a jealous!reader x Tomura, perhaps? Ik there probably wouldn’t be an actual situation where somebody would try to steal him away or anything but just a little something on the reader seeing something that wasn’t what it looked like and Shiggy kind of reassuring her in his own special way? 😌 pls &thank you sm in advance, but you of course absolutely don’t have to write it if you don’t want to (: love your work!

Pairing: Tomura Shigaraki x Gen!Reader

Warnings: Adult language, angst, jealous feelings, mentions of past relationship and heavy petting, mm, imma say it’s rated T, for the teens and upper betweens

Word Count: 4387

Notes: Lol. I’m pretty sure this was meant to be like, a drabble or head cannon in your mind nonnie. Me, being me, I stretched it out into a freaking fic. I can’t shut uppppp sometimes. First time trying for a Gen!Reader, so hopefully it’s a thumbs up. Not beta edited, so any mistakes are mine, and mine alone.

“O, beware, my lord, of jealousy; It is the green-ey'd monster, which doth mock The meat it feeds on.” ― William Shakespeare, Othello

It’s been two months, two freaking months and you’ve hardly gotten two texts strung together, let alone a call, from Tomura. 

While he’s never been what anyone would call a frequent texter, your last message has sat, unread, on his phone for the last 3 days. You know he’s busy, you know he said he’s got shit to take care of, but you can’t help the angry pit of worry that simmers in your gut. He could at least tell you something. Like, hey, I’ll be out of touch for a few days, talk soon. Is that too much to ask? 

Apparently it is.

The two of you have always been a quiet item. Most of the League knows, or at least, heavily, heavily suspects. It’s not like you tried to keep it a secret, it’s just the way you both are. Besides, you usually liked how the arrangement worked.

You’d met him through your job. You worked with Giran as a courier of sorts. Sometimes you’d lug shipments back and forth, sometimes you’d make deliveries. It was one of these deliveries that introduced you to Tomura. He was quiet, sulking toward the back of the bar, but you’d managed to strike up a conversation with him as Compress double checked his requested items. 

He was waspish, sharp. At first, you worried that your questions had only managed to pissed him off. But then, just as you started to chat with another guy in the bar, a snarky fellow, who was covered in some serious, serious burns, Tomura tugs your attention back to him with a pointed question. 

“Can you tell Giran that you’re only one who’s permitted to transport the deliveries to the bar?”

That one query had started a landslide. 

You were summoned to the hideout frequently, practically on the daily after that. Giran just shook his head and asked you not to fall too deep. You didn’t know what he meant then. Two months later you understood his meaning perfectly. 

How could you not fall head over heels for this guy? Fuck, he was so desperate, so wanting, so fucking needy for you. God, you missed it now that you didn’t have it. After the Kamino incident, he’d called on you even more and you loved that you could help him. He honestly seemed, in his own, gruff way, appreciative. 

But, then he’d said he needed to leave the city. 

At first, your contact with each other had maintained some semblance of normalcy. You would text and he would reply. You could call and he would answer. Often, he sounded tired, strained, but every once in a while you could pull a laugh from him and all would feel right with the world. 

Now? 

Now nothing feels right and the only link you have to him is Dabi. He’s the only person in the League that’s responding to your emails or texts. Even Giran isn’t answering anything. That’s not normal either because Giran always, always answers. What the fuck is going on?

It’s starting to feel like you’ll never know. This is mainly due to the fact that Dabi is a shitty, shitty font of information. At first, you’d eagerly taken his calls and texts. In lieu of a tip, you asked him about this mission Tomura was on. He fed you vague, flippant, answers. 

“Tch, this again? I already told you, they’re all fighting this giant. It’s some pet of the doctors.”

“And like I said the last, oh, I don’t know, twelve times, giant makes no sense to me. Can you expand on that a little bit? Like, what the hell does that mean? They’re fighting a fucking giant. Is that supposed to be some kinda bizarro hint? Cuz’ it sounds like you’re giving me shoddy information to get me off your back,” you snap, placing your foot on his box of requested medical kit supplies. 

Dabi practically keeps you on standby now. The guy has gotten more aggressive in the last month, and the heavy price his fire quirk extorts on his body meant he needs a steady flow of burn cream, meds, stitches and pain relievers.

“Fuck, look, I don’t know how else to explain that fucker. I didn’t give a shit about boss man’s little mission to tame him, so the doctor and I worked out something else for me to do. I’m not around those guys right now, I’ve got other things I’m working on. Now give me my shit and get out of my face. Ask Toga about your little fuck buddy, I could give two shits about his well being.” 

“Why follow him if you hate him so much?” God, this asshole is such a prick.

Dabi considers you for a long moment, his vibrant blue eyes lingering on your scowling face. “He’s a means to an end. I’m just here to see this society fall to its knees. Boss wants the same thing, so, for now, this arrangement works for both of us. Now, if I have to ask you to give me my fucking shit one more time, I’m gonna’ singe you where you stand.” 

Sucking your teeth, you kick the box toward him and turn on your heel, slamming his door behind you. If he’s not going to be useful to you, why be useful to him? We’ll see how he likes it when you accidentally miss some of his shipment deadlines. 

You pace out into the night, shrugging your jacket up on your shoulders. If they’re so far out, if they’re fighting something that sounds like an impossibility, why not ask you to bring them some supplies? Why haven’t they reached out to you? 

As you wait for your train, you pull your phone from your pocket, your cold fingers resting against the glass. There’s a missed call from another contact, but no other notifications. You swipe over to your messages from Tomura. Your last text sits, still unopened, unread, uncared for, in his box. It’s not fair, you think, sliding your phone back and pressing your hands into the meager warmth of your pockets.

Tomura used to confide in you and you felt close to him. And not just in a physical sense. At first, the relationship between the two of you was just that, something that eased an itch. But you kept asking him things, liking the soft tone his voice could take on when he lost some of that anger. 

Then, he started to wordlessly ask you to stay a little longer, his arms wrapping around your bare form, holding you against his warmth. It was nice. It was so, so satisfying and now it’s gone. Is this his way of moving on from you? You would have thought that he would have said something. He’s never struck you as someone who hides from a confrontation. So why the radio silence? 

Another week passes and Dabi keeps calling. He’s practically got your entire schedule blacked out now with deliveries, upcoming shipments and transports. What. The. Fuck. It’s gotten so frustrating that you’ve started to waffle on picking up his calls, sending him straight to voicemail. 

“What kinda courier leaves their fucking name on their voicemail? Stop ignoring my calls, (Y/N).”

Yeah, he’s a real charmer. At least he answers your messages though. It’s better than nothing, you keep telling yourself, trying to ignore the gnawing, munching feeling of bitterness that keeps rising. Yeah, Dabi’s gotten to be such a constant in your life that your phone keeps recommending him as a new favorite. 

Would you like to add the contact: Dabi, to your favorites list? No, no you would not.

Then, suddenly, out of the blue, Dabi’s not answering you either. Your first, gut instinct, tells you that he’s likely annoyed with your spotty replies or he’s busy with...”Dabi things”. He’s always reminding you about the oh, so important “Dabi things”. ‘Don’t pester me with your shit, (Y/N). I’ve got something big I’m working on.’ 

But now? Fuck, now you’d kill to hear from him. 

There’s absolutely nothing. No response from Toga, Compress, Spinner, Dabi and most important of all, Tomura. 

He’d finally read your text. After two whole days had passed from the sent time stamp, he’d read it, and then opted to not respond. It stung. You can still feel that tightening emotion of dread, of abject hurt, that had radiated from your chest when you saw that he’d finally looked at your message and then just decided you weren’t worth his time. 

Yeah, after seeing that, the last few days have been nothing but a full tilt boogie of emotions for you. 

This must be a planned thing. Why else would they all coordinate their ghosting. He must have wanted to leave you behind and now, this distance has made it possible. 

He’s been changing a lot lately. 

Even before he left for this, whatever it was, he’d grown in confidence and skill. Fuck, he’d taken on a Yakuza boss and won. He’s becoming a leader, a competent force to be reckoned with. He doesn’t need you to bounce ideas off of anymore. A courier picked up at the start of his career isn’t a necessary piece to add to his collection. 

Yeah, chances are, he’s moved on. He’s out of your reach now and you can’t help the thoughts that rise in the back of your mind. What if he’s found someone else? What if he just got bored with you? Did you put too much thought into this relationship? Well, that question has kinda answered itself. You put way too much into this. You had planned for things, hoped for…

Your phone rings and the noise startles you out of your head. You fumble for your vibrating device and lift the screen up before swiping to answer the call. Oh, it’s Toga. Fingers shaking, you lift the phone to your ear and are so happy to hear her babbling voice. 

She tells you that she’s been meaning to call you, but, gosh, everything has gotten in the way. Plus, she took a bad hit in a fight. Oh, she’s ok, but it’s been a crazy week for her. 

As she chatters about some random series of events that you can’t string together, you let out a long sigh. That coiling that’s been building in your stomach loosens and you’ve never been so relieved in your life. There’s still a chance. Maybe he hasn’t decided to leave you in the dust. Maybe...whoops, Toga asked you something. 

“Deka City? No, I’ve never been there.”

“Oh good, well, I wouldn’t try and go now. Tomura sorta, mmm, crumbled it to bits.”

“What?”

“Oooh, and we’re part of a bigger group now…”

She tells you about something called Gigamantia and their new connections. Apparently, Tomura’s made another step up in the world. Now he’s leading something called Meta Liberation? What is that? It sounds kinda familiar, but where have you heard it?

Toga is winding down her conversation, her voice smoothing out. She promises she’ll answer your other texts soon and emails you a set of coordinates, saying they’ll see you there and clicks off. 

You lower your phone to your lap, biting back the grin that won’t stop spreading across your face. Ok, so, maybe you’re not as abandoned as you thought. Maybe they, no, maybe he still needs you.

******

You found the building alright. It was impossible to miss. This place is massive, fit for an army. The security is tight, so tight that you’d even been screened by a guard at the door. Once they confirm that you are who you say you are, and you know who you say you know, you’re permitted entrance.

Who are all these people?

As you enter the “meeting room,” which is really a space that looks like a concert area, complete with a well lit stage, you’re pressed into the mass of bodies. There must be hundreds of people here and there’s some hulking creature, dozing in the corner. 

Is this that giant Dabi mentioned? You totally thought he was making that shit up. And, wait, wait, is that a pro hero a few spaces away? What is this? Where is the League?

The overhead lights dim and your attention is drawn back to the sage. People are bustling around the elevated area and a plush chair is placed in the center. Looks like the show is about to start. 

A loud, booming voice announces the arrival of a man called Redestro. He must be that long faced guy in the motorized chair and, oh, there he is. 

He walks up slowly, it looks like he’s leaning on something, but you can’t see clearly. The crowd shifts around you and an inordinately tall man is blocking your view. Huffing out a sigh, you try to maneuver yourself to a better vantage place.

He’s seated now, his long legs spread out in front of him. Fuck, he looks both wonderful and terrible, at the same time. Wonderful because it’s Tomura, terrible because he’s covered in bandages and he’s got a brace on his leg. What happened to him? 

Your eyes can’t stop roving over him, trying to drink in everything. He looks like he’s on edge, his fingers clutching at a small slip of paper, as his good leg jiggles against the chair. Why...ah, he’s being introduced. Wait. He’s being introduced as the leader of the Paranormal Liberation Front? So...so all these people...this entire organization...is his to command? 

He clears his throat and you hear his voice for the first time in months. He’s halting at first, but as he continues his speech his tone deepens, strengthens, losing that early hesitation. He sounds good, powerful and confident. 

You tear your eyes away from him and give the crowd a quick glance. They’re enraptured. A few paces away you can hear people whispering to each other, their voices low, awed. 

“He took down Redestro…”

“He’s so young.”

“He’s kinda...I don’t know...handsome.”

“You’re right, he looks regal.”

That coiling, trembling feeling is making a strong comeback. It’s an ugly return and it makes your flesh prickle and cool. He’s left you in the lurch for months and now he’s become some sort of leader, of an entire, what is this...a cult? An organization? An army? How the fuck, would you know? No one, least of all Tomura, has told you anything, about any of this. 

When the address and introductions (the League had made a, uh, flashy entrance) are over, someone comes up and taps you on your shoulder. It’s another one of those security guards. She says you’ve been requested, the League wants to see you. 

She takes you past the stage and down a long hallway. It’s quiet back here and the silence doesn’t soothe your frayed nerves. You’re pointed to a large set of doors and you bite your lip before pushing them open.

Another large room greets you. This one is filled with plush couches, elegantly carved tables and multiple chairs. There’s so much to look at, you don’t even see them at first. No, you hear him before you see him. He’s talking with a tall woman, who is writing down what he dictates, her pen moving rapidly across her paper.

Fuck, you’ve missed his voice. 

It’s quiet now, a little hoarse from his speech and you want to step closer. He’s standing next to some large windows, his back turned to you. He hasn’t even noticed you. What were you thinking? He’s this...God, leader now. What are you? Just a nobody he met when he was still pounding the pavement, looking for anyone who could help their cause, their mission. There’s nothing for you here, he’s…

“(Y/N).” 

Your eyes snap up to his. Tomura has turned, one arm braced heavily on his crutch, and is looking right at you. His eyes are hooded, dark, you can’t get a read on him from here. You want to step closer, but that sickening feeling is falling, like a stone, into your gut. Despite your turbulent emotions, you can’t stop staring at him.

The thick bandages are off and his hair is longer, the white strands hang close to his collarbone now, gleaming and pearlescent. He looks, damn, he looks tired and...what’s that? There’s something dark on his hand, it’s black and it covers three of his fingers. Why is he wearing that half glove, oh, oh no. It’s not a glove you realize, horrified, it's a prosthetic. He’s lost some of his fingers. 

“It took you long enough, come here, (Y/N).” 

His voice has dropped an octave, lingering in that distant tone that he would use when he dragged his lips across your neck, rumbling and murmuring against your skin. He knew that you liked that, he knew that it would make you so desperate for him, your hands pawing at his shoulders, pulling... 

No. He’s ignored you for weeks, no, months. You’re not about to just fall to pieces at his feet, crawling and begging for him to want you. Your eyes latch onto his and you minutely shake your head at his request, fingers squeezing into your palms. 

The woman, noting the tension that’s suddenly entered the room, looks between the two of you, and abruptly makes herself scarce, her heels tapping against the floor as she walks to the door. Once you hear it close behind her you unstick your mouth, your tongue heavy against your teeth.

“Who was that?” you ask, your voice croaking, thick with disuse. You can’t help the question. It tumbles from your mouth before you can stop it. You’d meant to ask him something else, but the query just, pops out, angry and trembling. 

“I don’t know. One of Redestro’s cronies. Why-” His face scrunches abruptly and a wince of pain passes of his features. “Why does it matter?” He finishes, his hand gripping a little tighter against his cane.

“You didn’t have to send for me, you know. It looks like you’ve upgraded everything else, why not me too?”

A scowl echoes across his lips. “What-”

You won’t let him finish his question, you can’t stand it anymore. You also can’t seem to stop. All of the emotions, the anger, the betrayal, the fucking, God, jealous thoughts that you’d slip into, alone in your cold bed. No, you’re not going to back down.

“You didn’t call, you didn’t text, and when you did, finally, manage to remember that I exist, the texts were so far and few between...fuck, sending a letter would have been faster. The only link I had to you was Dabi-”

“What?” He snaps, repeating his question, his red eyes, flashing, gleaming, glaring. “What does he have to do with anything?” His face is set in a deep snarl, his scar lifting along his white teeth. His fingers coil into his crutch, one digit arched away, and he begins the long journey to where you’re stubbornly standing. 

You watch him on bated breath. The sheer excitement of his renewed presence is making you shake. The warring feelings that are rising inside you are too much. It’s too much, it’s, oh...he’s right in front of you now.

“Answer me, (Y/N). What the fuck does Dabi have to do with anything?” 

You gulp. Tomura has never, ever liked you interacting with Dabi. It was that first subtle flirtation between you and the flame user that had set Tomura off in the first place. He had barely given you a second glance that first time you met him, but once your attention wandered over to Dabi, suddenly he was all ears. That animosity grew as time wore on. 

If anything, Dabi took advantage of it. He liked to press you, corner you, it was one of the many things you disliked about him. He was a selfish ass, only manipulating things for his own, twisted amusement. 

It’s a low blow for you to land on Tomura, to play up his own jealousies, but turnabout is fair play, right? 

“He’s the only person I could reach. You want to know who my phone keeps asking me to favorite now? Fucking Dabi. I kept asking him about you, about what was going on, but he never knew.

So, then I tried reaching out to you, directly. But then you decided to conveniently lose my fucking number, or something. You didn’t answer a single thing after that last text I sent you, what, two weeks ago? You didn't call. You didn’t even act like I exist, it-”

“I told you it would be a while.”

“Yeah, a while doesn’t typically mean two months. And how do you come back to me? With a broken leg and, fuck, three missing fingers? What is going on Tomura? You’re a different person now. Do you even want me anymore? You don’t have to ghost me. You could have just told me that you were moving onto bigger and better things. 

Congratulations, by the way. You’re the leader of a cult. Now, you can cut off all those lousy loose ends, like me-”

“You’re jealous.”

His voice has dipped into that low octave again, rasping, deep, and oh, fuck. You sputter at his assessment, your hands clenching into your pants. You need something to tether you, to keep you from reaching for him. You’re angry, remember? He’s left you, all alone, so alone and... 

He’s shifted to lean into you, the warmth of him rolling over you in waves. You can hear his breathing, if you move a little bit closer you could feel it, too. He knows what he’s doing. He’s used this tactic on you before. It’s very effective. His crutch taps him nearer. He’s practically flush against your heaving chest and your eyes flick up to his. 

The red is dark, tempered, and that swirling agitation has left him. He looks…

No, no, he left you for months, he can’t look at you like that. You shake your head, your eyes wincing shut, blocking him from view.

“I’m not...I-I’m not jealous, I was just-”

“Come here, (Y/N). Don’t make me ask you again.”

His new, half prosthetic hand reaches for your neck and traces over your trembling throat, ghosting over you, forcing you to press toward him. Once he’s satisfied you’re not going to reject his touch, he lets the digits tap onto you, gently, slowly, like he’s coaxing you out of your temper. The contrast of cool metal and warm skin makes you gasp, your eyes fluttering open. 

He’s curved over your lips, his white hair drifting softly around your face. Unthinkingly, unquestioningly, you reach for him. Your fingers lace into the silken tendrils and he lets a slow exhale wash over your face. His verdant eyes are so close. They’re fixated on yours, refusing to let you slip from his gaze again. 

You can’t breathe. There’s something else you want to scold him for, but...but his lips are so close. His nose bumps against yours and you bite your lower lip. He’s so warm. He smells nice too. It’s a rich smell, earthy, thick with some enticing aroma that’s all him. It floods your senses and you’re downing, distracted and lost. 

Tomura’s won this little stand-off because you reach for him first. Your fingertips urge him to you, one thumb dragging a familiar trail across the mole on his chin. His lips are chapped, rough, but oh, oh you’ve missed this. 

He lets you lead him, your lips pressing and lifting, planting feather light caresses against him. Your tongue swipes across his lower lip and he groans. It’s a husky, broken sound and it makes you yank at his clothes. His new suit crumples under your hands. You’d almost feel bad, if he hadn’t been such a neglectful ass to you. You’re nipping at him now, your kisses losing that sweet vulnerability.

Tomura approves of this frantic pace and one arm cages against your back, lifting you closer and dragging you against his front. His crutch clatters to the floor, but neither of you have the wherewithal to care. 

Besides, you think happily, you can be his crutch now.

He’s biting and sucking, his teeth drifting from your trembling lips and pressing into your pulse. One particularly hard nip has you arching into him, a gasping whimper on your lips. His tongue laves over the hurt, lulling the nip. 

Your hips instinctually lean into the his and you moan when you feel the hardness that is waiting for you there. Tomura presses back, dipping his nose into the juncture of your shoulder, his lips distractedly kissing against your skin. Your fingers trace down his front again and one hand goes lower still, running along his pants until you find what you’re searching for. 

He growls when you apply just the right amount of pressure and he’s pulling your lips back to his, demanding more. You’re skirting your other hand to the clasp of his belt when someone barges in the door.

Gasping, you start to pull away, trying to turn, but Tomura holds you to him, lifting his chin until it’s resting against your shoulder. He’s glaring out at whomever the fuck is standing in the doorway, but his fingertips are moving against you, pressing and soothing down your fevered skin.

“Hey boss- ah…” Dabi is brought up short by the sight that greets him and you can hear the sneer that he must have thrown Tomura’s way. 

Tomura, for his part, is quiet, content to silently stare down the man who stupidly interrupted him. He turns his head a fraction of an inch, but it’s enough room for him to drag his rough lips against your neck. You quake at the stimulation and hear Dabi let out a barking laugh.

“Ew, well this is fucking disgusting. Looks like the two of you can go back to fucking normal, eh (Y/N)? You and boss man can bone and get all that pent up insecurity out of your-”

“Get the fuck out,” you and Tomura say in unison.

You hear another scoffing chuckle and then the door slams shut.

Notes: The Dabi bits miiiight be in there because I finally got my belated birthday present of his Banpresto figure in today ԅ(≖◡≖ԅ)  

Tags: @spicy-skull, @xwildskullx​, @yixxes​, @ghstmthr​, @evesmores​

*I think that’s everyone for now. If you wanna be added to a list just drop me a line & I’ll get you on the Google Doc: Shigaraki works, Dabi works, Hawks works, BNHA works, All works...works, works. There’s likely more to come, but that’s what I got for now. k byeeee.