#this is the stupidest thing ive written in a long time

[kohakhearts]

biodad Giovanni-Ash content please! 🥺🥺

wc: 3 905 read on ao3

That kid is here again.

Normally, the boss encourages customers keeping their Pokémon out of their balls in the store. It makes them easier to steal, not that much of that happens these days anyway. It’s above their paygrade, James is always saying; Jessie knows he’s right, but sometimes she thinks the thrill of it alone might be enough to get her out of the slog of retail. At least for a little while.

The kid with the Pikachu on his shoulder, though—he’s a close second. He’s a nuisance, sure, but he makes their jobs…not fun, exactly, but different.

With one eye on him as he disappears into the kitchen department, Jessie presses down on her radio and mutters, “Twerp spotted in aisle fifty-one.”

The channel is tuned only to James and Meowth, even if it does sometimes get them in trouble for not hearing whatever stupid Cassidy with her stupid supervisor tag is ordering them to do. The kid and his dodgy little mouse are Jessie, James, and Meowth’s project; if Cassidy or Butch caught wind of it, they’d take away the only exciting thing that’s walked into Rocket’s Department Store in years. Jessie would sooner lose a limb.

Static fills her ear, followed by Meowth’s voice: “Locked on to target, meow.”

Shortly after comes a crash from aisle fifty-one.

Jessie switches her radio channel over just in time to hear Cassidy shriek, “Someone had better be cleaning that up!”

“Oh, happily,” she bites back into the radio. “Shall I polish your ugly shoes while I’m at it?”

Cassidy laughs in that way she does that makes Jessie wish she were close enough to punch in the face. “Of course, you are the authority on all things ugly, hmm?”

Jessie simmers. With rage tamping down her tongue, she can do nothing more than switch the channel back and stomp off to today’s crime scene. Surrounded by broken plates stands James, making a valiant effort to wrangle their energetic Pikachu pal before more damage can be done.

“Hey!” the kid shouts. “How many times do I hafta tell ya to keep your hands off my Pikachu?!”

He shoves James back against the aisle where the single glasses and mugs are lined up. Jessie leaps forward to catch Pikachu just as James’s shelf-stocking reflexes overpower him and he frees his hands to stop the wobbling before anything more can be added to the shards of colourful porcelain scattered across the floor.

With the ease of practice, Jessie grabs Pikachu around the waist with both hands and holds him up high as the kid tries to jump and retrieve his volatile partner.

He’s too short, though, and Pikachu hasn’t shocked her yet. She glances down at him with a raised eyebrow.

“You gonna clean this up, kid?”

“Why should I?” he demands. Apparently having realized his hopping’s not getting him anywhere, he finally plants his feet on the ground in order to glare up at her properly with all his ten-year-old might. “What’re gonna do about it, call your boss?”

The spark of hope in his eyes as he says it is what makes this kid so damn interesting. Clearly, he thinks he has some kind of business with the boss, but Jessie’s no idiot: she knows calling Giovanni for anything that happens around the store is as good as cashing in on a death wish, and as bad as this job can be, she’s not quite there yet.

“The boss don’t care about some broken plates, meow.” Meowth is standing back, away from the carnage, but close enough that the kid, if the way his eyes widen then narrow with outrage and thinly veiled disappointment is anything to go by, hears him loud and clear. “Gotta do betta than that, kid.”

It’s the same thing every day.

Pikachu squirms in Jessie’s hands, but she just holds on tighter.

“You’re not going anywhere,” she snaps. “What were you trying to do this time, twerp? Climb up to the rafters?”

Even as his trainer defiantly crosses his arms over his chest, Pikachu deflates slightly. Perhaps the Pokémon is fed up with this routine too.

“No,” the kid mutters. “Just tryna get a better view.”

He nods his head in Jessie’s direction. She doesn’t need to glance back to know he’s gesturing toward the window from Giovanni’s office that overlooks the store. It’s anyone’s guess how the kid even figured out that’s what’s on the other side; they’re tinted so customers can’t figure that out.

“And this is the aisle you chose?” James sounds nearly as snappish as he does confused. He’s a bit protective of the kitchenware; it is his department, after all.

The kid glares at him. “Well, yeah. Makes the most sense, doesn’t it?”

“Not when you’re the one who has to sweep all this up,” James grumbles. “Hold on, Jess, I’ll go get the broom.”

He heaves a huge sigh, then tiptoes around all the broken china. As he turns his back on them, Jessie squints at the kid.

“You can have this destructive rodent back after you’ve swept this up, twerp. That seems fair, doesn’t it?”

Pikachu struggles against her hold. When it’s managed to turn around and look at her, it growls.

“Don’t take that tone with me,” she snaps. “I don’t get paid enough for this shit. If you’re so upset, why don’t you make yourself useful and help out?”

She didn’t know Pikachus could glare, but this one’s expression is just pure loathing. Jessie thinks that’s pretty unreasonable, all things considered; she’s really doing the brat and his rat a favour.

“Pikachu—,” the boy starts, but Jessie pulls Pikachu against her chest and frees one hand so she can put up a silencing finger.

“Not so fast. You’re not allowed to use Pokémon moves in here, or did you forget what the signs outside say?”

It’s true, too; though the signs welcome Pokémon, they’re also very clear that battling will not be tolerated within the store. Besides, it’s bad manners to use moves on people, not that anyone seems to have taught the kid that.

She can see the cogs in his head turning, however slowly that may be. Just when she thinks maybe she’s made a mistake—that he’s realized she can’t kick him out without the boss on her side—footsteps approaching from behind her have all four of them turning to look. Jessie’s relief is short-lived when she sees not James but Butch on the other end of the aisle.

“Uh-oh,” says Meowth.

Butch takes in the scene with narrowed eyes, which lastly land on Jessie. “What’s going on here?”

“Oh, mind your own business.” Jessie sniffs disdainfully. “It’s under control, Botch, so back off.”

“It’s Butch!”

“Yeah, yeah, just get out of our hair, would you? We don’t need your big stupid nose getting in the way of our jobs.”

His cheeks redden at her dismissal, but he doesn’t get a chance to say anything before James turns the corner back into the aisle. He freezes, broom gripped tightly in both hands. Butch whirls around to face him with an almighty scowl.

“You two have made one too many messes on my floor,” Butch growls. “You think you can just clean this up and move on? Who’s gonna pay for all this, huh? I don’t know why the boss keeps you around.”

James swallows visibly. He grips the broom even tighter. “Erm…”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Jessie fumes. “The store can afford a few—”

But she’s cut off by the boy, loudly declaring, “It’s not their fault, it’s mine.” She glances back at him just in time to see him squinting at Butch’s nametag as he turns back around. “Er, Mr. Bunch, sir. I tripped and my Pikachu got a little freaked out and, well…” He gestures around them. “So I’ll help clean it up, and if I need to pay for anything, I will.”

Butch’s face ripples with conflict, and then crumples. “Fine,” he snaps, “but make it quick and then get out of here, or you’ll be sorry, kid.”

With that, he shuffles off, presumably back to wherever Cassidy is so they can gossip about what losers Jessie and James are.

James relaxes ever-so-slightly. “Huh. The twerp’s got a conscience, after all.”

“It is my fault,” the kid points out. “‘Sides, you’re not very nice, but I don’t wanna get you fired.”

Gingerly, James picks away across the floor until he is close enough to pass the broom off to the twerp. He chews on this for a beat, and then remarks, “You could have fooled us.”

At this point, Pikachu seems to have accepted its fate and is curled up against Jessie’s chest. The kid eyes them briefly, then accepts the broom with a short sigh.

“I don’t even know who you are,” he mutters. “Why would I wanna get you fired?”

“So you could make a direct complaint about us to the boss.” Jessie leans against the aisle, just out of the way of the ceramic warzone. “Isn’t that right?”

He pauses, surprised. “Would that work?”

“No,” she says, quickly, before he can get any crazy ideas. “He wouldn’t fire us, anyway. Though it may not seem like it, we are his best employees.”

“Not according to that stuck-up Persian, meow,” Meowth says mournfully. “But he just don’t know what’s good for him, that’s all.”

The kid sweeps a couple pieces up, then stops. His nose scrunches up. “He’s got a Persian?”

“My thoughts, exactly, meow.”

“What’s it matter to you?” Jessie tries to keep her tone casual despite the gnawing curiosity at her; from the way he glances up at her, she’s pretty sure she fails. “You talk like you know the guy or something.”

He sweeps once, twice, then shrugs. “Not exactly.”

James watches him, disdainful, then surges forward and snatches the broom from him. In no time at all, the ceramic shards have been swept away; the kid remains where he was, shoulders slumping.

“You’d think you’ve never done household chores before.” James stands back and admires his effortless work. “Spotless, isn’t it? That’s how it’s done, kid.”

“Uh…okay. Thanks. Anyway, I’d better—”

“Not so fast.” Jessie reaches an arm out to stop him before he can get close enough to grab Pikachu from her. Predictably, he shoots her a dirty look, which she steadfastly ignores. “Look, kid, you’ve obviously got something to say to our boss, so just spit it out already and we’ll decide if it’s worth the trouble, all right?”

He blinks. “Really?” Just as quickly, his lips turn down in a suspicious frown. “What’s it matter to you, though? Do I really have to pay for all this?”

James grimaces at that. It’s far from the first time the kid has broken merchandise, and he’s gotten away with it every other time.

“No,” Jessie says, a little impatiently. “Who cares? With how little we’re paid around here, I know they can afford to replace it. That’s not the point. You saved our necks from Bitch”—“Jess, it’s Butch,” James whispers, which she waves off with a roll of the eyes—“this time, so now we owe you one. You don’t even want to know the kind of ridiculous talking-tos he and stupid Cassidy try to give us all the time. I’d rather die than have to sit through another one.”

He considers this for a moment. “And you can take me to meet your boss? For real?”

“If you give us a good reason,” Jessie corrects, although she can’t imagine any reason good enough to disturb Giovanni.

And then the kid gives her one: “I’ve been tryna find my dad and your boss is the only one who can help me. I’ve never met him and this is my only shot.”

Jessie looks back on most of her childhood bitterly, but she remembers perfectly well what it was like waiting around for a parent who just couldn’t show up. And, dammit, if she doesn’t kind of sympathize with the brat.

“How can you be so sure?” James prods. “There’s no one else at all?”

He shakes his head. “I’ve done lots of research. My mom doesn’t talk much about my dad, so I had to take things into my own hands, and this is all I’ve got. So you see why it’s important? I’ve gotta talk to him.”

“Wow, kid.” Meowth sniffles. “That’s touching, meow. But the boss ain’t so friendly to strangers, meow. Might not be such a good idea.”

“I have to meet him,” the kid insists. “He’ll definitely want to talk to me if you just give me a chance to try.”

Jessie exchanges a look with James, who shrugs helplessly at her. She turns back to the kid.

“How do we know you’ll behave yourself?” she asks. “And your little friend here?”

“We promise, right, Pikachu?”

Pikachu stirs in Jessie’s arms, gives an affirmative but somewhat slurred “Pika” in response, then settles back down to doze off again.

She sighs. “Fine, then. We’ll take you to him, but don’t make me regret it.”

The kid grins. “Awesome! Thanks, uh, Jessie. And James.”

James blanches. “Now you’re on our side? After months of torment?”

“If I’d known I just needed to ask real nice, I would’ve tried that sooner.” His smile turns sheepish. “I thought you’d take me to him if I caused enough trouble, though.”

“The boss considers things that go on down here trivial matters,” Jessie tells him. “What’s your name, kid? He’ll want to know who he’s talking to.”

“My name’s Ash,” he says. “Ash Ketchum, from Pallet Town.”

Pallet Town? That little dump? It must be important to him if he’s coming all the way to Viridian City every day just to trash their store. Come to think of it, Jessie’s never even seen him buy anything here. Maybe she ought to rethink that payment offer.

But this too, she figures, is above her paygrade. So she keeps her mouth shut and waves their entourage forward. As she punches in her code to the staff door, she wills her legs to steady themselves, though to little avail. Few things truly terrify her, but Giovanni easily tops the list.

They are silent as they march up the stairs to his office, in a way that Jessie tries not to think is awfully reminiscent of a funeral procession. She doesn’t allow herself to think twice before knocking, and even manages to muster up an authentic-looking smile when the door opens ominously before her.

Giovanni sits ahead of her, not having moved an inch. How he opened the door, she has no idea; she can only assume it’s magic, which of course he of all people would surely possess in spades.

“What do you want?” he demands.

“Why, you have a visitor, sir! I know you don’t like to be interrupted when you’re working, but he assured us you wouldn’t mind this one time and, well, so we brought him up to see you and—”

“You were wrong,” he says coldly. “Leave at once, before you regret it. Don’t think a measly little Pikachu will change my mind.”

Jessie starts; she nearly forgot about Pikachu, still nestled in her arms. She hastens to give it back to Ash, telling Giovanni, “Oh, no, no, we wouldn’t bring you such a wimpy Pokémon, sir! This Pikachu belongs to the boy—your visitor—Ash Ketchum!”

Pikachu becomes alert right along with Giovanni. As Giovanni’s eyes flick over to Ash, Pikachu seems to raise its hackles. Its cheeks begin to spark.

“Ketchum,” Giovanni repeats. “Now there’s a name I’ve not heard in quite some time.”

Ash steps into the room, leaving Jessie, James, and Meowth in the doorway. Persian circles out from behind the desk, cold eyes surveying the boy and his Pikachu. James grabs on to Jessie’s arm for support and she is too stunned by the scene before them to tell him off for his strength of his grip.

“So it’s true,” Ash says. “You do know my mom.”

“Delia?” His lips twitch. “Oh, yes. We have quite the history, but it sounds like you know all about that now, don’t you?”

With his chest puffed out like that, Ash looks a lot less like the mischievous little kid Jessie and James have been cleaning up after for weeks now and more like a seasoned trainer about to prove his title and his worth. Suddenly, Jessie’s not so sure her earlier evaluation of Pikachu was all that accurate.

“I talked to lots of people, but I figured it out.” There’s a note of pride in his tone, which seems to amuse Giovanni, though Jessie can’t possibly imagine how. “There’s just one thing I still haven’t got.”

“And what is that?”

“She always told me my dad left to go on a Pokémon journey. Is that true?”

Giovanni pauses. If anything, he just looks more amused by this. He says, “I suppose, in a sense.”

Ash jerks his head toward Persian. “This is your Pokémon, isn’t it?”

“Yes. One of many others, but by far my most loyal companion.”

“Ouch,” mumbles Meowth, “that’s real low, meow.”

“There, there, old chum,” James soothes. “He doesn’t truly mean it.”

Jessie doubts that, but whatever helps Meowth fall asleep at night, she supposes.

“But I checked the registry,” Ash goes on, “and I never saw your name anywhere.”

Giovanni watches him for a long moment, stock-still. Ash doesn’t so much as waver under the intensity of his gaze.

At last, he relaxes, just a bit. “You’ll find,” he says slowly, “some things are better left forgotten about. Now, I’m sure the last thing you want is a job at this store. It might do you well to forget a few things yourself, if you truly care for your Pokémon.”

“Whaddya mean by that?” Ash asks indignantly. “I’ve been looking for you my whole life and I thought—”

“Then, you thought wrong,” Giovanni says smoothly. “You’ve got your own journey ahead of you, haven’t you?”

“Well, sure, but—”

“Then, forget about Rocket’s and get on with it. There are better things to waste your time with.”

Jessie’s jaw is beginning to ache from the way it’s hanging open, but she just can’t bring herself to clamp it shut; a glance over at James confirms he’s thinking the same thing she is:

What the hell has gotten into him?

“What’s so bad about this place?” Ash presses. “That Punch guy seems a little rude, but—”

“Don’t mistake that for an invitation,” Giovanni warns. “You will leave here and forget about it. Your mother did not tell you the whole truth, Ash Ketchum, or I’m sure she would have made sure you never got this far. I imagine she has her reasons. Me, I’m simply trying to…manage my business, as you can see. I haven’t the time for you.”

Ash’s mouth slams closed. He grinds his teeth together, obviously frustrated.

“Go on, then. Leave now, and I’ll forgot all your little transgressions in my store. Don’t think I haven’t noticed all the stock going down with no sales to account for it.”

Jessie shuffles on her feet, uncomfortably aware of how pointed those words are. She mentally begs the kid to just drop it and go.

No such thing happens.

“That’s not fair! Won’t you even try? I’m your son!”

Wait.

What?

James’s hold on Jessie tightens. She hisses and swats at him until he loosens up again, though he still looks like he’s seen a ghost, which…she can kind of get, actually.

“I’m hearin’ things,” Meowth’s whispers. “Tell me I’m hearin’ things, meow.”

“You’re hearing things,” James whispers back, dazed.

In their shock, they’ve missed Giovanni’s response, but it is enough to have Ash turning on his heel and storming out of the office. He pushes past the three of them without so much as a “Pardon me.” In his absence, Giovanni’s eyes lock on to them.

Jessie gulps.

“You’d best forget about this whole thing too,” he says darkly. “Keep an eye out for the kid if he comes back, because I’m sure he will, but whatever you think you heard here, you didn’t. Understood?”

“Y-yes, sir!” they all chorus.

“Good. Now, get out of here.”

They don’t need to be told twice; they scurry back down the stairs, only able to breathe once there are three doors between them and Giovanni and his wicked Persian.

To Jessie’s surprise, Ash is still hanging around near the staff door, and he looks up at them with an expression Jessie knows all too well.

“What a jerk,” he bites out. “I can’t believe you guys work for someone like that.”

“Hey,” James protests, “it’s not the best job in the world, but it pays the bills. Sometimes.”

“Not exactly daddy material, though,” Jessie allows. “Look, twerp, he may seem like a jerk, but he’s got the right idea. In his own way, it sounds like he’s trying to protect you. Some of his business is a little, well…”

“Shady,” Meowth supplies.

“I know that,” Ash says. “I really did talk to lots of people to find him, and most of ‘em didn’t have much nice to say, but I was hopin’ he’d prove ‘em wrong. Guess I shouldn’t’ve.”

“Pi-ka,” Pikachu puts in, with the tone of someone saying I told you so.

Ash scowls. “Yeah, whatever. Hey, I was wondering something.”

Jessie raises an eyebrow at that. “And you think we know the answer?”

“I don’t see why you wouldn’t.”

“Well…okay, then. Shoot.”

“Just how much stuff would I have to break before it started causin’ issues?”

James winces. “I don’t like the sounds of that. Too much sweeping makes my back ache, you know.”

Jessie hums in thought, though. “Well, kitchenware is expensive, but electronics are even more expensive, you know, and that’s not either of our departments, so no one could really blame us for anything bad that might happen there.”

Ash’s eyes light up. “Electronics, huh? Well, all right. Why don’t we go check it out, Pikachu?”

Pikachu perks up at that. Jessie has started to get the sense that, as cute as it looks, the little rat really does enjoy destroying things for the sake of it.

“Awesome, let’s go!” Ash turns around, then stops. Glances back at Jessie, James, and Meowth. “Hey, uh…thanks a lot. I know I’ve been a nuisance, but you were a real help today. I really didn’t mean to bother all of ya so much.”

“No harm done,” Jessie says cheerfully. “See you around, twerp.”

With her blessing, he races off. He’s making a beeline straight for Cassidy’s department.

“All’s well that ends well, I suppose, meow.”

Before either Jessie or James can respond, Cassidy’s shrill voice comes in over the radio:

“We’ve got an electric Pokémon loose here! Someone deal with it before it causes real damage!”

Jessie giggles. “Like music to my ears.” Into the radio, she says, “Sorry, but I’ve got my own department to look after. Surely you can handle one scrawny little rat?”

There’s no reply, which is the best outcome Jessie could have asked for. Maybe things will be a little different without the twerp around making things interesting for them, but she gets the sense things are going to be a lot more fun around here for a while.

[another-identityofmine]

we can make the morning; 70s elvis x gn!reader ‼️

Summary: reader feels off but has no idea why, Elvis tries all that he can to cheer her up.

author’s note: I’ve been feeling so off lately, and I’ve got no idea. So this is totally written based off of me. Gosh why isn’t he here to help me out???

•••••••••••

You have literally no idea why you’re feeling so damn down and low. And it’s taking a toll tonight, it was supposed to be fun and light-hearted once Elvis were to arrive, but he could see it right through you.

Throwing a coming home party in this state, was probably the stupidest thing you’ve ever done. As the confetti shoots into the air and family with friends all shout with joy in their voices and hearts, Elvis didn’t enjoy one bit. Only from the side glances and quiet responses he was receiving from you… but you couldn’t do or say anything. Because you didn’t know anything yourself.

When the party banner was tucked away, the guests left and you were tucked into the bed, it all still felt off. And neither of you liked it.

“Baby? Is there something I-I need to know about?” He whispers worriedly, cooing to you as he crawls into the bed, the fluffy blanket tossled. You shake your head and raise a brow, “I don’t know, why?” You’re surprised at how you snapped back. But at the same time you weren’t, of course you didn’t mean it but things bugged you a little more nowadays.

He furrows his eyes and whispers concerned into your shoulder, leaning in and taking you into his embrace. “Y-you just seem a little…off.” He replies and you frown. You huff and glance back at him, “that’s what I’ve been hearing this whole time. My aunt says Ive been acting off, your pops, and mine…I actually don’t know.” A pout comes across your soft facial expression and you sigh out heavily. “I really don’t know.” You say out, defeated.

He nods slowly, his sharp tan jaw and sideburns tickle against your shoulders, he knows this feeling too well. “C-can you tell me more hun?” He whispers soothingly to you again, handling you carefully as if you were fragile glass. You nod and shrug with a slump, “I-I’ve been restless, i find myself working a lot more now, enjoying the work…I-ive lost my appetite, I get easily irritated, I just… like I said, I dunno.” You whisper. So genuine and lost, in need for a sense of direction.

He pouts and nods slowly, dragging you into his chest and pressing warm kisses along your temple. “Oh you’ve got the blues alright…I’ve got ‘em a lot too.” He replies softly, those blue knowing eyes glance to yours. “But why haven’t you told me or anyone else?” He raises a brow and quips. You only shrug, unknowing of that too. “Well becuase I feel that it’ll be over if I keep on pretending. I don’t know Elvis.” You sigh out heavily and it’s really hurting to see you this way.

“I have no idea why I’m acting like this…do you?” You ask with a hopeful tone. He only shakes his head and tuts, smiling gently and laughing softly into your ears, “how tha hell am I ‘posed to know? I only got here a while ago.”

You nod accordingly and hum into his neck, “yeah.” And your words linger into a silence that comforts you. He cups your cheeks and hums gently, his thumb dragging along your smooth cheek, and his long fingers into your hair.

“S’okay baby. We can make the morning, like we always do.”

We can the morning.

••••••••••

a/n this was probably the fastest I’ve ever wrote something 😵‍💫 but oh my gosh really, how do we cure a feeling one can dwell in?

tag list: @jhoneybees & @your-nanas-love

[kankrisbiggestfan]

TRIGGER WARNING. this talks about the movie “Tusk” (body horror movie) if youve never seen pictures or heard about this, i highly recommend NOT!!!! searching it up. im being so on god it takes a lot of time to get used to its like human centipede, absolutely grotesque

ill never get why people shit on the movie “Tusk” so much. is it horrific? absolutely! is it sad? yeah man go ahead say that, and it absolutely is gross. but thats the point, it’s supposed to disturb people. and the funny thing is this was based entirely off a podcast where some guys talked about this video about someone pretending to be a walrus. its stupid, and thats the point. the costume design is absolutely immaculate and im the one to appreciate stuff like that because it really is so great. if you’ve watched the documentary on making the movie, you’ve seen how happy everyone was to be apart of this even if it was probably one of the stupidest movies ever created, but then again that was the point. Ive seen SO many Kevin Smith fans put this movie on the bottom of their tier list and i literally dont get it, its a satire movie meant to scare the living shit out of the viewers and they obviously succeeded in that because when i first saw clips of it i stayed awake at night until like 3 AM💀 Now i own the physical copy of the movie, multiple walrus items and it’s literally became one of my special interests,,,,, there was TONS of warnings by other viewers that people could’ve easily read before watching a disgusting body horror movie about a walrus. they got Justin Long to act as the main character and wear that stupid walrus suit and he looked so happy doing that, even for the purpose of making a movie that would obviously be hated. and the creators knew this before making the movie, they were aware that it would be controversial and slandered but they still did it because it’s supposed to be satire!!!!! im not saying you gotta like this movie because obviously its not everyone’s thing, but people should stop treating it like its the worst piece of cinema ever made because there’s obviously worse stuff. trust me there are so many other body horror movies with similar themes and plots to tusk, tusk isn’t necessarily as unique as some people say it is. people who enjoy the movie aren’t trying to be “edgy” or “different” and stuff like that, its a fictional satire movie about a walrus with Justin Long’s face on it, and its one of the stupidest things ever written, but the very small fanbase really appreciates how obscure it is

(this is so tumblr of me im turning into a true tumblr user)

[moochio7]

can we get more coach content ?? :D

teared up seeing this in my inbox /pos

get ready for way too many words...

I never had any ocs that stuck around before making coach for the stupidest crack fic with my friends,, so idrk how this is supposed to work but whatever. He isn't a very nuanced character yet, but he'll get there eventually.

on the google doc for planning False-hearted (the insane crack fic) this is what was written for coach a while back

"Coach: (deals with some behind the scene shit and plans “plays” to do in battle) {Boss Man} He plans plays for battle but also is in battle observing and making plans on the spot- like we all have radios and hes armed creepin around being like oooooo we got an abandoned sentry ill get that which opens up a space for someone else to come in and yada yada u get the idea (long story short i'm specifying that he gets a gun and gets to be in battle cause teehee silly) YOOOO HE CAN LIKE TRAIN THE MERCS N SHIT BY ANALYSIZING THEIR SKILLS IN BATTLE AND SEEING WHAT TGET CAN WORK OJ AND RAAGGHH cuz they got that training gym area right? coach the personal trainer lol"

Also have I mentioned its a self-insert? I think I may have just said oc but no yeah this guy is just me.

in terms of who this guy is, he gets along well with pretty much everyone, bullies scout like a brother a lot tho. no hard feelings ofc. since a very young age he had a lot of pressure and responsibility dropped on him, so while he is immature and messing around sometimes, he is wary of being too obnoxious, is never vulnerable with others, and puts up this false rigid cool leader guy persona. For now at least.

He may not talk to others about his emotions or whats going on with him, but he doesnt just bottle it up and never think about it. Hes got an over analytical brain and has looked into every single thing hes ever done or said and seems to truly understand so very much about himself. Hes knows the issues he has but cant bring himself to fix them because that takes being vulnerable and brave. Some things he cant be. He appears brave to others in your typical "do whatever it takes to help others and jump into action without worry" way tho.

In terms of backstory and what growing up was like? I havent decided yet lol

theres some older posts on my page under the false-hearted tag to (maybe???) give you more context of the strange world this guy is in.

heres pretty much every time ive drawn coach 👍👍im still working on figuring out his exact features so theyre pretty inconsistent.

quick sketch n colour

this one is inspired but an amazing song "La guerra di Piero" by Fabrizio De André

another sketch, and some images i cooked up for sending as reaction images to friends. (Coach brutally killing Blu scout with scouts own bat, and then coach being the innocent kid he is)

[circushallways]

my thoughts on Isabella

She was just some fucking creep who was a fan of Ed’s crimes

Ed didn’t believe it/thought it was ok

My headcannon is that Isabella is really just some radnom girl who saw Ed on tv while oswald was running for mayor and just became absolutely obsessed with him to the point she got surgery to look like kristan. Giving her the benifit of the doubt she was probably already into riddlers and stuff and she was just some radnom girl determined to get Ed to fall in love with her to make her self perfect enough to be everything he could ever want and his soul mate. Something that has That has always bothered me is that Oswald is extremely smart, and Ed is a FORSENIC SCEIENCTIST!! Getting one of his goons to cut Isabella’s break line is the stupidest and most out of character shit iv ever heard. It would be SO easily tracked back to oswald. And I genuinely believe that while oswald was obviously upset he wasn’t planning on killing Isabella. We’ve seen that oswald had a short temper and acts very impulsively and irrationally if put in the right position. I do not at all think he planned to kill Isabella, he got mad and it was a heat of the moment thing and he just stabbed her and minorly freaked out at the thought Ed would find out but mostly relieved so he didn’t have to worry about her anymore and he could get back to Ed. I assume he covered all of his tracks after murdering Isabella but again Ed is a forsenic scientist so he didn’t have much of a chnace of hiding the murder long. Isabella admitted to oswald that she’s just a girl obsessed with Ed would give os the motive to impulsively kill her and at this time Ed isn’t thinking straight and it is understandable when he isn’t in his right mind that he could still think that Isabella was his sole mate and wouldn’t care about her changing herself for him, in fact with the way Ed is written during this season he may even be happy that someone got plastic surgery to look like his ex. This would atleast lend some credit to how oswald felt it was insane and actually explain the plot point because I will never in 1 million years believe that ransoming there was a girl who loved riddles and was literally perfect for Ed in every way and also looked exactly like his ex that he killed normally. Like that doesn’t happen. My explanation can still have the whole Ed killing os thing make sense and not be absolutely ridiculous. Hope this rambling makes sense because I have a lot more of it

[rqlaji2]

Immediately before the second show i am on the hotel tv switching between the film fargo and episodes of wwe rivals. Latter had ads and the former didnt though so I kinda ditched austin bret for the last 45 minutes of fargo, even though ive seen fargo two times already. One thing on austin bret before I move on is they showed that clip where bret finally comes out end of sentence no when bret finally comes out and austin and pillman are backstage and bret is like ok fine lets have a mania match 🙄 and pillman looks sooo happy and austin looks at him like he is the stupidest son of a bitch hes ever seen and pillman is like oh ok sorry . Just all in facial expressions, so good. I love pillman so much, I wish he wasnt caught up in one of the worst angles ive ever heard of before he died. Im sure there are worse ones, just that ive heard of. I’m new here, I dont fucking know anything.

I was row 3 for this show, pretty much directly in front of linnell. I need to ask him if he was smiling at me forgetting the lyrics to fucking birdhouse in your soul or something else. Conflicting reports on whether danny was playing with a broken foot (show 1) or ankle (show 2), but ive always been enamored with his stage presence on synopsis for latecomers especially, hes kinda 😳 a little bit. Birdhouse second is..bizarre, I am aching pretty bad right now and I still wish I couldve jumped to the greatest song ever written. Moonbeam rays is so nice. Bangs is kind of rhythmically complex, awesome song and awesome that they played it, tune, etc. Man its so loud in here continues to be the greatest song of all time. Mink car song is so smooth, what a cool track. Marty triangle. Oghhhghgh dont even get me started on cyclops rock, it’s like the only reason I went to these shows. I’m just kidding id see them all the time if I could, but I FUCKING LOVE CYCLOPS ROCK, IT GOES SO HARD and I relate to the lyrics a lot and I literally TOLD YOU HOW TO CYCLOPS ROCK, AND THEN YOU GO AND TURN AROUND AND BREAK MY HEART. He did the original nixon line too which is so fucking awesome, best song ever methinks. I cant believe it took this long for me to hear older live, but it was almost worth the wait, what a cool fucking song, so good live. I wasnt at a great angle to see the Damn Good Times Dan Miller Balcony Guitar Solo but after it flans said “dan miller, the peoples guitarist” or something and I laughed really hard. Also incredible that theyre calling this show the big show sometimes . WEEEEEELLL

I hate bottled water so much but a tickle in my throat kept waking me up the night before. OH MY GOD, THEY PLAYED SUBLIMINAL AGAIN. Flans was actually a little far away but he came to the right for darlings of lumberland, oh god he was so close . Of all songs! Then I got to scream THE STICK at him, how surreal and also fulfilling. Dont lets start is the best song ever. Fuck, this famous polka had someone in the crowd strumming flansys guitar 😍. St paul fucking loves join us, apparently. Doctor worm is still the best song ever. Encore 1 started with istanbul just the two of them!!!??? They make each other laugh so much, I love them i love them i love them. I know i said spy gets better every time but this was the lesser of the weekends spies. I think he did the sound of the 30s bit last time at the fitz, lol. Did i mention that the end of the tour is the best song ever. SHES ACTUAL SIZE ON THE SETLIST BUT NOT PLAYED??? Also, im beyond just a little pissed off they didnt play bills bills bills. They did at the show i didnt fucking see.

But not to end on a bad note, I love they might be giants so much, I dont even care that it feels like my calves will never not be sore.

Actually im gonna end on the episode i got back to the hotel to was rock austin, and they had the clip where austins on the titantron like when your pager says 3:16 that means im about to whoop your ass, Or whatever tf and rock takes out his pager and does his stupid giant wide eyed rock look and turns around and does indeed get his ass whooped. Possibly greatest moment in all of television

[philtstone]

[definitely not rehearsed, totally spontaneous prompt-giver voice] Sam & Bucky, "nudging the other one"

[definitely not rehearsed, totally spontaneous prompt responder voice] here, have some uninhibited nonsense

"Just be normal about it."

"I am being normal about it."

"You are not bein' normal about it. This is the opposite of normal, oh my God --"

"Is everything alright?" asks their host.

Their host, who happens to be the King of Wakanda. Sure, Sam spent plenty of time in this country as an international fugitive, but he's never been formally invited to Royal Dinner before.

He stops hissing annoyed jibes through the side of his teeth and offers T'Challa his most winning smile.

"Everything's fine."

Bucky glowers. Like he's been doing for the last three hours. Sam wishes one of them had had the power of prophetic vision or something, so he didn't have to open his big fat mouth five minutes after the talon fighter got into the air and he was trapped with the most betrayed version of his best friend in a tin can in the air for a hundred minutes at a time.

T'Challa raises a single eyebrow. Sam aggressively nudges Bucky's unfortunately unyielding arm with his elbow and tries not to wince. 

Bucky says, "Fine," through the most obviously gritted teeth in the world.

"Hm," says the Queen Mother. Of literal, actual, Wakanda. Sam could be cranking up the charm right now, getting his flirt on, but no, he's having dinner with the giant White thundercloud hovering at his now-bruised arm. Vibranium and discrete elbow nudges do not mix, which Sam finds personally offensive. "How are the plantains, Captain Wilson?" asks Queen Ramonda. "Have you tried them? Chef Thebe is trying a new recipe, and I understand you know something about cooking."

"A little, yeah," says Sam, trying not to make it too obvious that he's rubbing his elbow.

"James?" prompts Queen Ramonda, pointedly.

"The plantains are obviously great," Bucky grits out, as brightly as a person possibly can when their whole face remains in a determinedly distraught position.

Sam pushes some food around on his plate. Ramonda tilts her chin and takes a long drink of wine from her glass. T’Challa, clearing his throat lightly, opens his mouth –

"A lot of things in life should be obvious," Sam says, before he can stop himself.

King T'Challa's other eyebrow joins the first, and Ramonda pauses with her fork halfway to her mouth. Sam regrets every decision he's ever made as Bucky's bottom jaw drops open like a real life version of that dumb Pokémon meme Sarah's kids love so much.

"Obvious? We’re talking about a betrayal of trust here, Samuel." 

“I was encouraging your hobbies! That’s a thing good friends do!”

“You just sat there, and watched me – we had multi-national video calls with that fucking thing in the background –”

"It was a joke, man!" Sam splutters. He figures spluttering is a perfectly acceptable response to this. "I thought you'd have figured it out in like ten minutes! How did you not figure it out in like ten minutes!"

"That’s not the point!" Bucky says, crossing his arms and looking miserable. "No way! Six months! Six months. You watched me mist that thing for six months --"

“Excuse me for imagining that the most dangerous assassin of the twentieth century would’a noticed the physical makeup of a gag gift his dumbass friend bought him. I thought you were playing along!”

“For six months?!” Bucky says, now red around the ears. “God I can’t believe you. I can’t believe –”

“It was a funny joke. It was a funny joke, okay? I thought we were both in on the joke! You’re acting like I killed your cat or somethin’ –”

“Who also watched me mist that plant for six months!” says Bucky, more aggrieved now than ever. He waves one hand in the air in a very New York-flavoured gesture of emphasis; T’Challa visibly chokes over a bite of his appetizer and has to bring a napkin up to his face to hide it – “She probably thinks I’m some kinda giant idiot now –”

Which is just unfair, and Sam wishes more than ever he hadn't said anything in the first place but Bucky'd been so clearly concerned that he was leaving his slow-growing windowsill collection of plants unattended for more than twenty-four hours --

“Gentleman,” says the King, recovering from his recent brush with near-asphyxiation; his voice is slightly strained, though Sam can’t say that isn’t from the poorly concealed amusement dancing in his eyes. “Perhaps you would like to desist from airing out any embarrassing personal stories in the minutes before Shuri arrives to dinner.”

Sam’s mouth snaps shut with an audible click and Bucky’s eyes widen comically in alarm.

Ramonda says,

“Fa, you are not serious, I know what this must be. Mahlubandile. Surely this is not about the little plastic house plant that sits on your window ledge in calls.”

"What?" Bucky chokes.

She turns with regal innocence to Sam. “I see it every so often when he has conferences with Shuri or the Dora. I did not realize it was a gift, Captain. The pot is quite beautiful.”

There is a long moment of stunned silence that is only broken by T’Challa, when he gives up all pretense and begins laughing properly into his lap, his napkin held between pinched fingers against his forehead. Sam brings a slow hand up to hold against the bridge of his nose. Bucky looks nothing short of poleaxed.

This all happens just in time for Shuri to flounce into the room, out of breath and skidding.

“Sorry I am late, uMama! What have I missed?”

“Nothing important,” says Ramonda severely. “But really, Shuri, to work this late when we have guests. Tcha. Sit, and behave. Now, Captain, you were telling me about the food in Louisiana. I am sure it is most flavourful …”

**

Mahlubandile -- term of endearment; the clan has increased by one (affectionate)

[spaceistheplaceart]

I see from your profile pic you are a Zenigata Fan 👀 What do you love most about him? Just go a ramble you don't even have to pick one specific thing I just love hearing people talk about the goofiest yet most stubborn and persistent man in existence

*cracks knuckles*

okay so all the lupin iii characters are so bizzarly well written it drives me up the wall. ive never seen any other media like this before and i think that comes from the fact that it's an old piece of media-- before the time of everything must sell toys, appeal to mass market, and be polished as fuck. thus, more freedom and more weird BULLSHIT which i adore.

so. all the characters are perfect in their own ways but zenigata is also wonderful. i think it's cause they all have um. ok. a "gap moe" and it's a BIG one and that makes it super funny!

so Zenigata is this big, manly, cop, right? so you'd THINK he's super serious an-- NOPE HE'S LITERALLY THE CUTEST STUPIDEST FUCKING IDIOT ANIMAL I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.

CUTE:

he always cuddles something when he sleeps... 🥺🥺🥺

THEN they have like a gap moe ON TOP of this gap moe so like... you think you get it: he SEEMS tough but he's actually a huge idiot softie 🥺 but NO HE'S AS STRONG AS A BULL AND IS A FUCKING APEX PREDATOR

aminal

^^^ THIS IS HIM AFTER BEING SHOT WITH THREE BULL TRANQS

there's a lot more moments of him being a fucking beast but i dont have pics

so like. gap moe on top of gap moe and then ANOTHER ONE

his life purpose is to catch lupin. and not just because he's a cop and lupin's a criminal... but because he wants to, and i fucking quote: "arrest lupins heart" <3 he wants to befriend him and have lupin as a pal!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and when he's not on duty, he legit just hangs out with the gang. they have eachothers phone numbers! (in conan)

selfie!!!

(lupin likes him too...)

(this is lupin in disguise as napoleon)

he likes the rest of the gang, too!

(okay. too long. will rb and update)

[souichioneshots]

Untitled Binzo x Reader Fic

SO uhhhh.... Binzo thinks about the reasons why he hates Y/N so much? IDK you guys are kinda like frenemies ???

This is the stupidest thing ive ever written...

Might make an NSFW continuation of this if anyone shows any interest tho lollll

Enjoy?????

Binzo could remember the day you two first met like it was yesterday.

He had been awoken by the sound of his father and uncle arguing in a nearby room. Although he could barely make out what they were saying, he could tell by the way he was screaming, his father had done something unbelievably stupid again.

As the door to his room slid open, Binzo quickly moved to ‘greet’ the sudden visitor, his chains holding him back just before he was able to reach the door. A smile spread across Binzo's face as he saw his father react in a panicked motion, jumping back to avoid his son's vicious attacks. However, Binzo's laughter was put to a stop when he saw a small figure move behind the older man.

Moving a bit to the side, Souichi revealed a girl, a little under Binzo’s age, who had been hiding behind him the entire time. She gripped onto the back of the false-gentleman’s suit jacket, obviously hesitant to enter the room.

Binzo's eyes widened in surprise as his father insisted, almost pushing her into the room forcefully. His eyes looked the girl up and down, trying to figure out why his father had brought her here, let alone why he decided it would be a good idea to bring her into the same room as him.

Her clothes were almost as tattered as his own. She had no shoes on her feet, but the socks that she wore were stained black with dirt and mud. From what he could see with the little lighting in his room, the exposed skin of her arms and legs were covered in scratches and bite marks. Her cold eyes stared at the pale boy as she walked in cautiously, immediately following the older man to the other side of the room. Binzo could remember how she ran her fingers through his father's greased-up hair as he placed the chains around her ankles. They exchanged a look that his mind could not understand at the time.

Getting up from the dirty floor, Souichi stated that the girl’s name was Y/N. A name so foreign to Binzo that he was sure it was made up.

As soon as his father finally left, Binzo tried to attack you. But, that was when he found out the truth. You were a monster just like him. An abomination that someone must have tried to get rid of, only for his own idiotic father to pick up and bring home like a kitten off the street. You bared your fangs at him as you backed away into the corner, trying to avoid his sudden yet expected attack. Binzo watched as you stayed low on the floor, staring at him with angered eyes.

He should have been happy to finally meet someone like him, but he wasn’t.

Binzo hated you.

You were an idiot. You could barely keep a hold on your victims, and on nights when you couldn’t secure a meal like him, you resorted to trying to catch and eat the bugs that crawled around the room. You were also idiotic enough to try to steal from him. Whenever he would get ahold of someone, you would try to get close and steal a small piece for yourself. Sometimes Binzo would be too busy to realize, but when he did, he would reach out as far as he could and use his long-sharp nails to scratch you away, leaving you to become a crying-hungry mess.

You also had a habit of not responding whenever he spoke to you. However, this was completely his fault. After you finally became comfortable enough to talk to him, he started to tease you, claiming that your voice was annoying and, using a piece of broken glass, threatening to cut out your pretty pink tongue to eat as a snack. From that day on, you didn’t utter a single word to him.

However, as time went by, Binzo started to find your presence to be slightly humorous. Specifically, whenever you tried to feed.

Binzo would always laugh whenever you dug your fangs too deep into someone’s neck and ended up getting completely doused in their blood when you pulled away. He thought it was a waste of a good drink, but worth it to see you freak out as you tried to stop the fast-paced bleeding.

Your hair also grew at an unnaturally fast rate as well. It was disgusting, but fun to pull on whenever he wanted to get your attention. It was also especially fun to watch your victims pull on your hair, stunning you for a moment, and getting a couple slaps and punches in as they tried to get away. But, Binzo wouldn’t allow that, stopping them at the last minute and dragging them back in your direction. However, you would always be too embarrassed and cry, refusing the meal he was kind enough to go after for you.

You were ungrateful. Idiotic. An amateur. Everything he hated bundled up into a small ball that dwelled in the corner of his room.

But on top of all that, the thing he hated the most was how you weren’t here now.

“Where’s Y/N!! Where is she!!” Binzo exclaimed to his physically and mentally exhausted aunt. She just stayed quiet, ignoring the child’s vicious words and actions. If she knew, she would have told him by now, but she didn’t.

Binzo looked around his dark messy room as he tried to think of what might have happened to you. It had been 2 nights since he last saw you.

If you had been moved to another room, he would be able to smell it. But you weren’t. You weren’t anywhere in the house in fact.

Could his father have decided that it was too much for him to support 2 cannibalistic children, and off’d you in the woods while he was sleeping? No way. He was the one who brought you here in the first place, he should have known what he was getting himself into.

Maybe you ran away, not wanting to be held captive and enslaved to work at a lunatic’s haunted house. That would explain why his father was also not around either. Maybe he had gone out in search of his most popular attraction.

No matter the reason, you weren’t here now, and Binzo hated you for that.

As the raven-haired boy finally started to calm down, he laid down in his cage, his eyes fluttered shut, unable to keep their focus on the door of his room anymore.

However, he was suddenly awoken by a loud scream.

It was his aunt. She had left the room, leaving him alone while he was asleep. Her voice was loud, but not angry. It sounded almost cheerful. An emotion he hadn’t heard from her in the longest time.

Binzo jumped to his feet as the door to his room slid open. There stood his father, alone from what he could see, cigar burning away in his mouth as he smiled. Binzo tightly gripped the bars of his cage, a feeling of rage boiled inside him like nothing he had ever felt before.

However, that emotion quickly washed away when he saw a familiar face appear from behind his father.

There you stood. Alive and in one piece.

Just like the first time you two had met, Souichi forced you into the room. Binzo’s eyes looked you up and down as you cautiously walked in. Gripping the hem of the older man's suit jacket, you stared back at the pale boy.

Your hair had been cut, shorter than before. You were also wearing a kimono similar to his aunt. You looked almost like a doll. It was weird how he couldn’t keep his eyes off you.

Binzo watched as his father put the chains around your ankles again, your hand running through his greasy hair. You two exchanged that look he couldn’t understand again.

Binzo barely listened as his father warned him not to fuck up your clothes. As Souichi finally left the room, Binzo put his hands on the lock of his cage and, using his nails, undid it.

Crawling out of the cage, he stood onto his feet and he looked at you. Although he was still only in his early teens, he was starting to grow extremely tall, a gene he inherited from his mother no doubt.

Binzo felt his heart start to race as you looked up at him, your eyes sparkled as they reflected the small amount of light that leaked in the room. It was almost like you were giving him the same look you and his father would often exchange.

Without a word, he forcefully shoved you to the ground. “Stop looking at me!” He exclaimed.

You probably thought he was jealous that his father actually let you go out, got you nice clothes, and even treated you like you were an actual human being. But that was far from the truth. He didn't really mean to push you so hard, but his emotions had gotten the better of him.

Binzo yelled out in pain as you kicked him for pushing you so hard. Just before you could kick him again, he moved to straddle you.

Putting his weight onto your stomach, he held your wrists on both sides of your head. You growled as he brought his face close to your neck and took a deep breath. It had been so long since he smelled your scent. However, this time it was different.

“You smell delicious.” He said in a hungry voice, drool dripping from his lips as he showed you his fanged teeth. You squirmed under him, knowing that he didn’t mean that as a compliment. “I thought my dad killed you. But now I see that he just dolled you up so I can do it myself. Kishishishi!” Twisting your head to the side, you dug your fangs into his arm.

“OW! You bitch!” Binzo screamed as he pulled his arm away from you. His long fingernails left a scratch across your face as he slapped you hard.  

Baring your fangs once more, you pushed him off of you and rushed to get away. However, your chains didn't let you get far.

Binzo grabbed your legs just before you could go any further. His nails dug into the thick fabric that made up your kimono, tearing it a bit as he pulled you closer to him. Flipping you onto your back, he put himself on top of you.

You squirmed in a panic as the boy wrapped his arms and legs around you, restraining you from getting away. Not having eaten anything in a while, you soon became unable to continue fighting with the monstrous boy.

Binzo’s heartbeat slowed down as you started to relax, his body unconsciously trying to mimic the pace at which you breathed. You whined as he tightened his grip on you a bit more, making sure that you wouldn’t try to slip away from him again.

Pressing his head into your hair, he breathed in the new scents that covered your body. The smell of the brand new kimono you wore mixed with the fruity shampoo you had used made him doubt that you were really the same creature he had shared a room with 2 nights ago.

“Where did you go…?” He asked, his words slightly muffled by your hair.

Your body tensed as he dug his nails deeper into the fabric of your clothes, trying to force a reply out of you, but ultimately receiving nothing back.

He hated that you wouldn’t talk to him…

[blorbosondeck]

fic rec masterlist

canon divergent/finale fix its

Anamnesis

THIS! FIC! this fic lives in my head rent FREE it is so good and it makes so much sense in the narrative that the shitty finale concocted, as to why they wouldn't mention cas or anyone else and its just. so good and they write chuck in the most villainous way that i love!!!

"Chuck is depowered, Jack is the new god, and the world is free. Dean and Sam get into the Impala and chase down the miles on an endless highway, and their story is finally, finally their own to follow. At least, that's what Dean tells himself. But the diners and motels and painted interstate lines are blurring together and the smallest details keep catching at his brain like tiny fishhooks and he can't quite shake the feeling that not everything is exactly as it should be. Fix-it/alternate series finale. Canon-compliant through the end of 15.19."

Sunset Sound: Stairway to Heaven by @adhdeancas

GOD FUCKING CHRIST this is so good and sweet and im such a sucker for team ups and reunions!!! its 3:30 am rn and i just finished it and i love it SO much it made me laugh a lot and the last few chapters i had the stupidest grin just plastered to my face

The Closer the Star, the Greater the Parallax by @rocksalts​

repressed bastard dean submits to the mortifying ordeal of being known and receives the rewards of being loved but only after some miscommunication i LOVE this i read it last night and it’s a fast favorite. my interests have overlapped and i am INTO it

“When Dean sits down to watch some bullcrap Discovery Channel episode with Cas, he doesn’t expect to actually learn anything. Except, with Cas explaining, he makes an effort to connect the dots.”

Don't We All Deserve To Be Happy?

VERY sweet and a VERY good pick me up. all around feel good fic!!! 

"Post-canon fix-it, divergent from 15x19 where Jack stays and Dean doesn't die and Cas comes back and everyone is happy. Take a shot every time I'm salty about the finale."

Keep Your Love Alive

okay. okay okay okay this may be my favorite finale fix it just because of how well reasoned it is. like this feels what should have happened i love it SO much

"Dean gets to spend eternity sharing beers with Bobby on the Roadhouse porch and riding around in his Baby with Sam. He’s at peace… or he feels like he should be. But a few things nag at him: Where is Cas, and everybody else Dean had been hoping to see in Heaven? Why does he feel like he’s stuck in a loop, reliving the same memories over and over again? And who are the strangers wearing Sam’s and Bobby’s faces?"

The GoldenRod Revisions by @aethylas​

this is one of the most well written things ive ever read. the script format DID make it feel more real and honestly? this is better writing than this show deserves. the finale that could have been ♥️

“A rewrite of Supernatural’s final two episodes, expanded into a five episode arc - in which Chuck needs to be defeated, Castiel deserves to be saved, and the characters in this story get a very different ending.“

Ascend by @wanderingcas​ 

THEE finale fix it fic!!! written by the AMAZINGLY skilled and talented @wanderingcas !!! it’s 50k of angst and hurt/comfort and pure bliss

“Something in the world is wrong.

Demon activity is rising where mysterious black substance oozes and unusual ecological events are shaking the world. Dean, grief hanging on his shoulders, restlessly searches for answers that might lead him to the Empty… and to Cas.

But what Chuck wrote can’t be undone. The narrative thread pulls Dean along, forcing him to comply. Because once a story already has an ending, it can’t be rewritten.

Or can it?”

Things Happen (They Do, And They Do, And They Do) by THEE @sobsicles

i KNOW everyone has already recommended this and likely you’ve all already read it. but it has to go here bc REPRESSIOOOOOOOOON i LOVE this so much it is one of the most perfect things i’ve read. are you bisexual? did you have a kind of weird relationship with your best friend and not realize that how you felt about them wasn’t necessarily how other people felt about them and you were maybe a little bit in love with them but were too repressed to realize it? you’ll feel seen. maybe a little too seen

Closer (isn't close enough)

are you a sweet and sappy yet horny bastard? do you like cas exploding light bulbs? you will like this.

“the one where they finally talk about what cas said before the empty took him”

You and Your Husband

it is exTRMELY sweet!!! repression dean strikes again <3

"Five times Dean corrects someone about his relationship with Cas, and one time he realizes he doesn't need to."

Tall Grass

miscommunication and a slowburn! despite being written in 2017 and finished in 2018, it feels like a fix it. ft. plant obsessed cas <3 

Invictus

a LOVELY and short (relatively) finale fix it

“They saved the world. They're free. It's done.

Except it's not, and carrying on is the last thing any of them are thinking about.

They still have someone they need to save.”

Unchained Link

post finale- it’s a great case fic and i am compelled i want more!!!

"It's after the end of things. Life continues on while Dean is "livin it up" in heaven. But it's never that simple, is it? A freak occurrence sends Dean into another time stranded back on Earth. And he thought his hunting days were over. But, no worries. His knight in shining armor comes to the rescue. Hijinks, therefore, ensue."

fun and time unspecified

Ladies and Gentlemen, This is Love Potion No. 5

very funny and sweet! miscommunication at its finest ♥️

"Cas gets drenched with a mystery potion from the ‘love spell’ shelf and... Dean has a sneaking suspicion, angel or no— the spell may have taken effect. And Cas might be in love with Sam."

The Way We Were

Y'all. It is so good its a great mix of funny and serious- extremely fun to see dean as like a base bisexual

"Dean and Castiel pose as a couple to gain access to a gated community known as 'The Glen', a pleasant if secretive location that the boys believe might be linked to several dead bodies showing up over the years bearing signs of ritualistic sacrifice. All seems well until Dean's memory is affected from an incident during a solo exploration, leaving Dean convinced that their cover story is true. Castiel is left trying to resolve their case without taking advantage of an increasingly enthusiastic Dean"

While You Were Sleeping

this is basically just the movie but replacing sandra bullock with cas. this is my comfort movie and imo, one of the most perfect rom coms. the fic isn’t finished but i still have the tab open on my phone and i will straight up go back and re read it when i need a pick me up. 

aus/rewrites

The Harvelle Gospels: Offscript

i know everyone ever ( @jewishcharliebradbury ) has recommended this fic. and for good reason go fucking read it

“The Apocalypse is averted, the angels are in Heaven, and Jo is free from the threat of possession. Somehow it couldn't be farther from a happy ending.“

absolute riots

An Ineffably Profound Bond

i honestly would have put this in the finale fix it section! look. i know. i know you've been burned by crossover fics before. but this is Thee good omens/spn fic you want. its funny as hell and immensely satisfying. im weak for everyone working together tropes and that is this

"After Chuck sets 'The End' in motion, the remaining members of TFW make a miraculous escape. Not willing to waste any time, Castiel comes up with a plan to travel to one of the other worlds to try and get help from the angels there, but after a fight with Dean, it's the hunter who gets sent into an alternate universe,with seemingly no hope of return.

When a mysterious human with a heavenly weapon shows up in Aziraphale's shop, he and Crowley learn that their world is not the only one. Now it is up to them to decide whether or not they want to join forces with the human and help him save his world or simply find a way to send him home."

Somebody Up There Likes Me by @lafilleredige

cas is hit with a spell that turns his vessel into a woman, hijinks and sexuality crises ensue etc etc sam is a supportive and bitchy little brother and its all SO fucking funny and also. horny as hell i love it i love it i LOVE it

“’Dean doesn’t want to talk about your breasts, it’s making him uncomfortable because he hasn’t acknowledged the complex fluidity of human sexuality.’“

Stray Cat Strut

a long crack fic that IS one of the funniest things i’ve ever read and i can’t explain why. it’s so ooc but its so funny that i don’t care. if you need a laugh you gotta read this

"Sam and Cas are immediately in love with the adorable kitty they find outside the bunker door, and occupy their time planning how to convince Dean--who they believe is off sulking after a botched hunt--to let them keep their cat. Along the way, Dean learns to use a litter box and hears some confessions he maybe wasn’t supposed to hear, all while realizing just how much he loves Castiel.

Now all Dean has to do is convince Cas and Sam their new pet cat is actually him before they do something crazy--like neuter him!"

canon compliant or slight canon divergence

Give

by @doublestuffedimpala post season 7 episode 7, kind of ambiguous ending but truly a cas is happy to bleed for the winchesters fic

Punch Like Bones 

short, post 5x04 homoerotic moment that i wish we’d gotten

[jimsmovieworld]

AMERICAN PSYCHO 2- 2002 ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Sequelmania is runnin wild brother.

Finally got round to watching one of the most universally hated horror sequels of all time: american psycho 2: all american girl starring mila kunis as Rachael. Made two years after the success of american psycho, the story is that the script this movie was based on was not at all a sequel to american psycho. "The girl who would not die" written by karen craig was chosen to be produced by lionsgate and changed slightly so it could be called a sequel which would guarantee more money. The movie starts with seeing a young rachel and her babysitter in Patrick Batemans apartment, her narration explains that her babysitter decided to take her along on a date, which makes no sense at all. It makes even less sense when it is later revealed that the babysitter knew patrick bateman was a serial killer before going over there. Anyway, Rachel is tied to a chair while Patrick kills her babysitter, she escapes and stabs Patrick Bateman and escapes, she never tells anyone she was there that night and his death is considered a great mystery. They go to great lengths to shoot Patrick Bateman from side angles so as not to show his face, as it wouldnt be Christian Bale, unsure why they went to the trouble when they later show this photo of him:

Clearly a different guy.

This storyline to many people confirms that Patrick Batemans murders in the original did happen and he wasnt imagining it, which has long been debated. However, Bret Easton Ellis has come out and said that what happens to his characters here is not canon. Bret one of many people associated with this movie that wants nothing to do with it. Director Morgan J Freeman described himself as being a "director for hire" on this one and having no real creative input. Star Mila Kunis has said she is extremely embarrased to have been in the movie and was glad it went straight to dvd.

Why would she be embarrassed?

Well, there are more plot holes in the movie than any other ive seen this year. All the people she murders are in her class but its never mentioned anywhere that they have died right until the end. She is killing people in her class she thinks will get between her and the teachers assistant role that will get her into the F.B.I. Despite being a serial killer she wants to get into the F.B.I to stop serial killers. She also kills lots of members of staff at the college and it isnt mentioned. The tone of the movie is bizarre, so much of it seems as though its being presented as a comedy, the music is pretty whimsical throughout. My favourite kill in the movie is when she kills fellow student Brian (robin dunne) by suffocating him by wrapping a condom round his neck.

Thats the kind of thing that gets you a 0% on rotten tomatoes.

One of the stupidest parts of the movie is the insane twist ending. Rachel is believed to be dead in a car explosion after a high speed chase with police. She has become one of the most famous serial killers in modern history. Two years later her therapist who was the one who exposed her as the killer to police, is giving a talk at the F.B.I. He has written a tell all book about his experience with her, which involves showing many photos of her. He is signing copies for the agents when over walks Rachel in "disguise". Its basically just a scarf and glasses, she deliberately reveals she is still alive and got to the F.B.I after all, which poises many questions.

How did an entire class of special agents not recognise a famous serial killer being in there class?

Why did they think she was dead if her body wasnt in the crash?

Why woudnt her therapist immediately say: "thats the killer"

Absolutely bizzare. But i must say i thoroughly enjoyed myself. Rated 4 stars for dumb stupid.

[jjuzoir]

request: Hello! Can I ask headcanons about being childhood!besties with Miya twins (about child and about adults)? (by nonnie!)

a/n: ofc baby!! sorry for taking so long 🤧 every time i try writing something happens it’s ridiculous 😔 anyway sorry if it’s bad ive been ✨struggling✨

- Being friends with one of them is like, hard enough— but the two? Good luck.

- You three met via your parents— yes, it’s like that, you were the new kid and awkward as hell. Your parents were having none of that shit and made a playdate for you with the twins, it’s embarrassing, you were like 13 and that’s kind of embarrassing for you and you knew it.

- Like, here you were a newly turned teenager, sitting on a couch with two guys your age all watching a weird cartoon and you all want to die.

- But at some point, you three start acting like you had known each other for your whole lives. You three fight to this day on who cracked the ice, Atsumu swears it was him and his sense of humor but you and Osamu are not taking that shit, like with what humor?

- You start hanging out after school, since you three went to the same school it started bleeding into school time and your teachers hated you three.

- During middle school you three were known to your teachers for being insufferable— more like, Atsumu and you. You two were the type of kids to pass fake notes with the stupidest shit written on it, like middle school humor, “Miss Poopy Pants” and “ICUP” so the teachers would have to read it aloud.

- Osamu and you? Known to the lunch ladies, you two were the first to arrive and gobble down anything and everything especially onigiri. They even snuck you two snacks for class— yes, you were the kids who had a whole grill in the back. Always eating.

- You three didn’t skip class though— I feel like Atsumu might’ve tried to convince you but ultimately forgot.

- During gym you three would always be in the same team if you could pick but it would end with Atsumu and Osamu fighting about dodgeball and getting disqualified leaving you alone.

- They got into Volley around then and you became their number one cheerleader, you’d fight anyone who’d say they weren’t good.

- By high school you three were known for being kind of chaotic!

- You know your parent’s discussed what school they’d put the three of you together in, they joked about separating you guys and you almost cried no joke.

- So you three go to Inarizaki together and when I tell you everyone is annoyed by you three and your shit I mean it 💕

- Especially the volleyball club, you decided to become their manager at the same time the twins got in— they were happy, finally a manager and some new kids; good, good.

- Until they learned about how absolutely full of shit the three of you are, Atsumu and Osamu are already a handful together but you? You add a whole new spice to this shit and it’s ✨embarrassing✨ for them.

- You and ‘Tsumu always goof off and get lost because you two were fighting over something, it takes the whole team’s willpower to not let you stranded.

- “All I’m saying is since Osamu looks like Atsumu, would anyone really notice if we just dye his hair yellow?”

- But they are also thankful, you manage to bring a semblance of peace during their fights. It doesn’t take much for you to calm them down, so they keep you around even if you sometimes distract the two of them too much.

- You’re still their number one cheerleader! Whenever they manage to score you’re the first to jump around and congratulate them, they’d never tell you but it’s kind of sweet seeing you so proud of them. They’d rather die than tell you though so shh.

- You being there brings a new level of competitiveness, they gotta make you proud! You’re cheering your little heart out for them; they can’t embarrass you now.

- But you can't always win, so whenever they (unfortunately) lose, you’re always the first to comfort them. You all go to your house and chill for a while, they get kinda quiet and you can feel how tense they are but they’d rather spend the afternoon after a bad match with you.

- Bet your ass you three watch Power Rangers and you all fight about who the best Ranger is; Atsumu says it’s Red Ranger and Osamu is about to snap his neck when there’s a whole Black Ranger, but they can agree to bully you when you say you like Green the best.

- Back to you being their manager, I feel like they’re kind of better behaved? Like, they get into less trouble and are less likely to fight because Kita sends you to scold them and it’s embarrassing being scolded by someone who thought the Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters was also Michelin Man.

- Now to their individual quirks; Osamu loves it when you help him cook or cook for him, he feels all happy you take the time to make him something— especially when they’re practicing, he really appreciates you coming in with some food for him and the team. He likes the fact you take care of him in small ways!

- “Awww, the little bug cares about me~”

- “Shut up, next time I’m putting cyanide in your stupid Onigiri.”

- Atsumu likes it when you’re just there, not even talking, just vibing together. He likes how you two don’t have to always talk to know what’s going on, it’s probably what he loves the most about your friendship. The fact you just get each other is something he kind of loves.

- Sometimes ruins it by saying dumb shit but it’s okay ♥︎ No it’s not ♥︎

- “Do you ever think about Taemin Paula, like who’s Paula and why are they taming her?”

- “‘Tsumu go back to being quiet, please just shut up.”

- Oh, let’s talk S/O! The two of them are protective over you, you’re their best friend!

- Osamu is more vocal about what he dislikes, he flat out tells you not to go out with them, pointing out all of what he doesn’t like and why he gets bad vibes or why he feels like they’re just not it.

- Atsumu doesn’t say much, he’s got his fair share of flings and dates— good and bad, though, it’d be unfair of him to tell you what to do. But you can tell when he doesn’t like someone you’re seeing.

- This is only if they feel like the person isn’t good enough, it’s not like they don’t want you to date. They’re just careful of it, you’re like a sibling to them and they wouldn’t want you to get heartbroken.

- Speaking about heartbreak; they get very mad at the person, you’re amazing! Why’d they go and fuck you over like that.

- Atsumu would throw hands, it’s in sight with the other person; especially if he never got bad vibes from them, he’s so mad he wasn’t there to see the red flags.

- Osamu is behind him and he’s not stopping his brother, he knew something wasn’t right about them and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t give them a piece of his mind.

- But at the end of the day, what’s most important to them is making sure you’re alright at the end of the day. They care about you, dummy.

- They’d come over to your house and cheer you up, Atsumu would tell his jokes and Osamu and you would laugh at how bad they are 💖

- “I’m glad you feel better but I’m startin’ to feel kinda bad here myself-“ “Maybe get better jokes <3”

- Once you three graduate you still keep in touch, probably more with Osamu since he’s not always busy like Atsumu; in other words, even during your adult they torment you 💕

- You’re so proud of the two of them though? Like, you’re always bragging about them, it’s just so !! Seeing the kids you grew up with become successful? Amazing.

- “Have I told you about how my childhood best friend is a PROFESSIONAL, yes PROFESSIONAL, volleyball player?”

- “[Name], I am literally his fucking brother shut up.”

- Osamu and you totally make fun of Atsumu, it’s gotten to the point you always try embarrassing more each game. Your latest (very successful, much to Atsumu’s dismay) attempt was wearing shirts with ugly childhood pictures of Atsumu, I’m talking about the type your parents bring up to make fun of you and a banner that said “Tsu-Tsu our superstar!” or something like that.

- He almost cried on national television, he was horrified, the worst part? You were in front row seats meaning that everyone the camera panned in to one of the players you’d be in full view.

- “Atsumu, is that [Name] and Osamu?” “You were so fucking ugly as a child oh my god-“

- Sakusa is having a field trip with this, that thing won’t die as long as he lives— this man will film this shit, tape it and pass it as a family heirloom.

- “Kiyoomi could you-?”

- “Don’t talk to me you gremlin baby.”

- “This was months ago, let it die!”

- “You lived your whole childhood looking like that, I don’t think I will.”

- The three of you reminiscing about high school together at Onigiri Miya? Yes, it happens and it’s ♥︎

- “Do you remember when Osamu shoved a marble up his nose, stupid kid…”

- “Tch, rough words for a fucker who bit into a brick because it looked tasty.”

- “I was young!”

- “You were 16, piss head.”

- A lot of the time you just like spending time with each other, even during your busy schedules you always do your best to talk to each other at least once a month.

- Sometimes it’s just talking over the phone and other times it’s going to fancy restaurants that Atsumu pays, other times it can also be trying to make new recipes with Osamu as Atsumu just cringes in the back.

- They're just always there for you, yes you fight and yes they’re kind of annoying but you care for them and you don’t mind it. You’d rather spend a whole other lifetime having to endure their teasing than not have them at all.

[butterflies-dragons]

You’ll Be Queen One Day

This is something I wanted to say about the current debate of Queen Sansa.

For a big faction of the fandom, Queen Sansa is only D&D fan fiction and that won’t be Sansa’s endgame in the Books. ¡¡¡NEVER!!!    

According to Bryan Cogman, the man named by GRRM himself as the Keeper of the Lore, hints of Sansa’s Show endgame as Queen in the North were there since the Pilot Episode back in Season One:

BRYAN COGMAN: In the pilot, Sansa’s main function was informing members of her family and the audience that the only thing she wanted was to get out of Winterfell and go live in the big city and become queen—except a very different kind of queen than the one she ended up being. So Sansa’s storyline was always meant to have a note of triumph at the end, especially after all that she went through in the middle of the series. It was appropriate that she came full circle at the end. She was the only Stark left in Winterfell and leads the North into this new chapter. She’s the best hope for the North’s future.

—Fire Cannot Kill a Dragon: Game of Thrones and the Official Untold Story of the Epic Series by James Hibberd

"Winter Is Coming"

“In the pilot, Sansa’s main function was informing members of her family and the audience that the only thing she wanted was to get out of Winterfell and go live in the big city and become queen.”

Please take note that GRRM was very involved in the first four seasons of the Show. Especially the first one, he participated in the casting, he was part of the original pilot, he travelled to filming locations, he wrote one episode per season, etc.  

Season 1, Episode 1: "Winter Is Coming". Directed by Tim Van Patten & Written by David Benioff & D. B. Weiss.

SANSA: Do you think Joffrey will like me? What if he thinks I’m ugly? CATELYN: Then he is the stupidest prince that ever lived. SANSA: He’s so handsome. [CATELYN rolls her eyes.] SANSA: When would we be married? Soon or do we have to wait? CATELYN: Hush now. Your father hasn’t even said yes. SANSA: Why would he say no? He’d be the second most powerful man in the kingdoms. CATELYN: He’d have to leave home. He’d have to leave me. And so would you. SANSA: You left your home to come here. And I’d be queen someday. Please make father say yes. CATELYN: Sansa… SANSA: Please, please. It’s the only thing I ever wanted.

Watch the scene here.

Curiously enough, the immediately previous scene was a scene of Dany, the one where she said to Viserys: “I don’t want to be his [Khal Drogo] Queen. I want to go home.” A scene straight from the Books:

"I don't want to be his queen," she heard herself say in a small, thin voice. "Please, please, Viserys, I don't want to, I want to go home." 

—A Game of Thrones - Daenerys I

What a contrast with Sansa’s scene!

But Sansa’s scene is not from the Books. We don’t have any scene between Sansa and Catelyn at Winterfell.  

Sansa wanted romance more than being a monarch. She certainly was not opposed to marry a prince or a king, but her wishes were more about romance, being a Lady in a song, a wife of a gallant knight, and a mother of future ladies and gallant knights.      

This is what happened in the Books:

“Honors?” Ned laughed bitterly.

“In his eyes, yes,” she said.

“And in yours?”

“And in mine,” she blazed, angry now. Why couldn’t he see? “He offers his own son in marriage to our daughter, what else would you call that? Sansa might someday be queen. Her sons could rule from the Wall to the mountains of Dorne. What is so wrong with that?”

“Gods, Catelyn, Sansa is only eleven,” Ned said. “And Joffrey … Joffrey is …”

She finished for him. “… crown prince, and heir to the Iron Throne. And I was only twelve when my father promised me to your brother Brandon.”

—A Game of Thrones - Catelyn II

"Joffrey likes your sister," Jeyne whispered, proud as if she had something to do with it. She was the daughter of Winterfell's steward and Sansa's dearest friend. "He told her she was very beautiful."

"He's going to marry her," little Beth said dreamily, hugging herself. "Then Sansa will be queen of all the realm."

Sansa had the grace to blush. She blushed prettily. She did everything prettily, Arya thought with dull resentment. "Beth, you shouldn't make up stories," Sansa corrected the younger girl, gently stroking her hair to take the harshness out of her words. She looked at Arya. "What did you think of Prince Joff, sister? He's very gallant, don't you think?"

—A Game of Thrones - Arya I

Catelyn pushed Ned to accept the betrothal while Sansa corrected Beth’s comment about her being Queen.  

* * *

Later in the the Fourth Episode of the First Season, Cogman wrote a scene between Sansa and Septa Mordane where the septa says that Sansa will be Queen someday.

Again, this scene is not from the Books.

"Cripples, Bastards, and Broken Things"

Season 1, Episode 4: "Cripples, Bastards, and Broken Things". Directed by Brian Kirk & Written by Bryan Cogman.

SEPTA MORDANE: Someday your husband will sit there and you will sit by his side. And one day, before too long, you will present your son to the court. All the lords of Westeros will gather here to see the little prince... SANSA: What if I have a girl? SEPTA MORDANE: Gods be good, you'll have boys and girls and plenty of them. SANSA:What if I only have girls? SEPTA MORDANE: I wouldn't worry about that. SANSA:Jeyne Poole's mother had five children, all of them girls. SEPTA MORDANE: Yes, but it's highly unlikely. SANSA: But what if? SEPTA MORDANE: If you only had girls, I suppose the throne would pass to Prince Joffrey's little brother. SANSA: And everyone would hate me. SEPTA MORDANE: Nobody could ever hate you. SANSA: Joffrey does. SEPTA MORDANE: Nonsense. Why would you say such a thing? That business with the wolves? I've told you a hundred times... A direwolf is not... SANSA: Please shut up about it. SEPTA MORDANE: Do you remember your lessons? Who built the Iron Throne? SANSA: Aegon the Conqueror. SEPTA MORDANE: And who built the Red Keep? SANSA: Maegor the Cruel. SEPTA MORDANE: And how many years did it take to build... SANSA: My grandfather and uncle were murdered here, weren't they? SEPTA MORDANE: They were killed on the orders of King Aerys, yes. SANSA: The Mad King. SEPTA MORDANE: Commonly known as the Mad King. SANSA: Why were they killed? SEPTA MORDANE: You should speak to your father about these matters. SANSA: I don't want to speak to my father, ever. SEPTA MORDANE: You will find it in your heart to forgive your father. SANSA: No, I won't.

Watch the scene here.

* * *

Later in the the Sixth Episode of the First Season, there is a scene between Sansa and Joffrey where the prince says that Sansa will be Queen someday.

Once again, this scene is not from the Books.

"A Golden Crown"

Season 1, Episode 6: "A Golden Crown". Directed by Daniel Minahan. Story by  David Benioff & D. B. Weiss & Teleplay written by : Jane Espenson and David Benioff & D. B. Weiss.

SEPTA MORDANE: My prince. SANSA: My prince. JOFFREY: My lady. I fear I have behaved monstrously the past few weeks. With your permission? Joffrey offers Sansa a necklace. She turns around, for him to put it on her, as acceptance. SANSA: It’s beautiful. Like the one your mother wears. JOFFREY: You’ll be queen someday, it’s only fitting that you should look the part. Will you forgive me for my rudeness? SANSA: There’s nothing to forgive. JOFFREY: You’re my lady. One day we’ll be married in the throne room. Lords and ladies from all over the Seven Kingdoms will come, from the last hearth in the North, to the salt shore of the south. And you will be queen over all of them. I’ll never disrespect you again. I’ll never be cruel to you again. Do you understand me? You’re my lady now, from this day, until my last day. The two share their first kiss.

Watch the scene here.

I think that Sansa & Septa Mordane scene and Sansa & Joffrey scene were written from this Book scene:

“The king is dead.” Sansa could not say how she knew it, yet she did. The slow, endless clanging filled their room, as mournful as a dirge. Had some enemy stormed the castle and murdered King Robert? Was that the meaning of the fighting they had heard?

She went to sleep wondering, restless, and fearful. Was her beautiful Joffrey the king now? Or had they killed him too? She was afraid for him, and for her father. If only they would tell her what was happening …

That night Sansa dreamt of Joffrey on the throne, with herself seated beside him in a gown of woven gold. She had a crown on her head, and everyone she had ever known came before her, to bend the knee and say their courtesies.

—A Game of Thrones - Sansa IV

So far we have:

Sansa: “And I’d be queen someday.”

Septa Mordane: “Someday your husband will sit there [Iron Throne] and you will sit by his side.”

Joffrey: “You’ll be queen someday.”

The Sansa and Joffrey scene even got his own theme, a song composed by Ramin Djawadi called: 

You’ll Be Queen One Day

¿Why changing “Someday” for “One Day”? Maybe this curious detail means nothing... Maybe it means something...  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Why reiterate some many times that Sansa will be Queen, if it was clear that Sansa was betrothed with the Crown Prince Joffrey Baratheon, the Heir of the Iron Throne?  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

“—except a very different kind of queen than the one she ended up being.”

This is not the first time that Cogman alluded of that old say that says: “Be careful what you wish for” in regards of Sansa. He said something similar about Sansa’s arc in Season Five, specifically her marriage with Ramsay Bolton. 

Basically, when we decided to combine Sansa’s storyline with another character in the books it was done with the idea that it would be hugely dramatically satisfying to have Sansa back in her occupied childhood home and navigate this Gothic horror story she’s found herself in and, of course, to be reunited with Theon – setting her on the path to reclaiming her family home and becoming a major player in the big overall story. 

This stupid line “hugely dramatically satisfying” is BS of course. Men..........    

I have the impression that after they run out of canon material, D&D, Cogman and all, decided to recycle old plots. Here with Sansa, they basically gave her ANOTHER ONE GOTHIC HORROR STORY.

Since they didn’t like Sansa’s Vale plot as Alayne Stone, they gave Sansa “another lesson” like Kings Landing and Joffrey: “Be careful what you wish for”.

Sansa wished for a Southern Courtly Life with her Prince in Kingslading, and she got a Ghotic Horror Story. 

Sansa started to wish to return North, to Winterfell, to her Home, and D&D, Cogman and all decided to gave her Ghotic Horror Story 2.0 in Winterfell with Ramsay. Sexual abuse included. Men..........        

GRRM uses “Be careful what you wish for” theme very often, you just need to read his tale: “In The Lost Lands” or re-read Cersei’s story with Maggie the Frog. And as I just mentioned, Sansa’s wishes for a life at court in the south with her gallant Prince Joffrey. But D&D are just... not so good adapters.            

“So Sansa’s storyline was always meant to have a note of triumph at the end, especially after all that she went through in the middle of the series.”

¿How the majority of the fandom interpret these Cogman’s words? This way: “Queen Sansa is a reward for Sansa’s Season Five arc.” 

But Season One is four seasons before Season Five, and there were hints since the Pilot Episode... 

The fandom: SANSA WILL NEVER BE QUEEN, ¡¡¡NEEEVEER!!! 

..............................

“It was appropriate that she came full circle at the end. She was the only Stark left in Winterfell and leads the North into this new chapter. She’s the best hope for the North’s future.” 

Full Circle: From wanting to be Queen consort in the South to be the Queen in the North, by her own right.

Sansa’s Show endgame is also very in line with characters getting what they wished for but not in the way they thought. That is like the bit that follows: “Be careful what you wish for” = “You might just get it.” Seriously, go and read GRRM’s tale: “In The Lost Lands.” You can thank me later.     

Please also take note that GRRM has repeatedly said that:

Sansa is a major character. Part of the core that dominates the story.

He knows the endgame of the major characters for decades.

You can read more here.

So, if Queen Sansa is only D&D fan fiction, then WHOA! They planned it all since the very beginning, since the pilot episode itself. How surprising! Especially since GRRM was very involved in the Show back then.  

D&D wrote the pilot: “Sansa’s main function was informing members of her family and the audience that the only thing she wanted was to get out of Winterfell and go live in the big city and become queen.” AND GRRM LET THEM.

Cogman wrote a scene that was not from the Books where Septa Mordane says that Sansa will be Queen someday. AND GRRM LET THEM.

D&D wrote a scene that was not from the Books where Joffrey says that Sansa will be Queen someday. AND GRRM LET THEM.

D&D commissioned Ramin Djawadi to compose a theme for Sansa called: “You’ll Be Queen ONE Day,” for Sansa and Joffrey scene. AND GRRM LET THEM.

D&D wrote that Sansa’s Show endgame was being crowned Queen in the North. AND GRRM LET THEM.

And if you wanna read about Queen Sansa from the Books, please read these posts: Here and Here.

Good night.

[1zashreena1]

Wedding Planning -15

18+, m/f, technically OCxDiego Jimenez [Power]

Summary:  Princess came home to a whole new set of anxieties. Murder Panther to the rescue via the restorative powers of dick. Unlike the dick, this one is short and sweet.

WARNINGS: Ridiculous descriptions and ‘the code is more like guidelines’ outlook on grammar. Is it OOC if the character was given essentially zero development in canon???

Come eating, the L word, criminal activities glossed over, relationship building, plus size woman+fit man, Anxiety, wedding planning comes with its own warning

A/N:  Princess took on a life of her own and has essentially become an OC. There are infrequent mentions of her description (specifically as plus size) and her actual name in later pieces (its Bicki). She started as self-insert so she looks like me (plus size, white, short, blue eyes, curly hair). If that is not your thing, I totally understand. And do not feel obligated to read this, I will not be offended!

I’m not a fan of “plot” so be aware that most of this series is just meandering through their relationship, angst-fluff-smut whiplash style. But with dick jokes.

TAGLIST: @chelsfic​​ ​ @symbiont13​​ ​ @nicke0115​​ ​​ @bunnykjm​​ ​ @rosee-sensuelle​​ ​ @girlpornparadise​​ ​ @mandoplease​​ ​ @heresathreebee​​ ​ @xxsteph-enrixx​​ ​ @jetiikad​​ ​ @joalsglasses​​ ​ @mutantcookiesecrets​​ ​ @demoncatstone​​ ​ @squidlywiddly87​​ ​ @lockedoutofmyotherblog​​ ​ @poeedamerons​​ ​ @xxidontwikeitxx​  @kid-from-new-zealand​ @fleurfatale89​ @allalngthewtchtower​

You have to make some decisions. Like, a bunch.

Okay, make a list. 

You pull the big legal notepad off the bookshelf in your living room and meander around until you find your colored pens. Red for immediate, orange for middling, and green for long-term.

Parameters set, you begin The Listing.

It takes a couple of days, but you think you finally have everything accounted for that you can possibly imagine.

The long term column has vague, nebulous, theoretical problems written in dark green:

-Where will you live?

-Keep your job???

-TAKE HIS NAME?????????

-CONVINCE HIM TO RETIRE

Intermediate consists of things you two need to discuss, too:

-Ceremony?

     Where 

     What type

     Who invited

     When

-Honeymoon?

-Colors?

-Food (yum/lots plz)

-Flowers  eww no ->Alternative bouquet 

-People in ceremony???

And then things that need answered like, next week:

-MEET FAMILIES (panic)

-A Dress?

-??????? omg help

You're going to give yourself a panic attack if you keep looking at it. I'll just take it with me this weekend and hand the immediate section to him.

You feel a little better with a plan, even if it only consists of two steps.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Diego is standing in the kitchen glaring at the espresso machine when Bastian drops you off at the penthouse.

You glance around, no Julio to be found, before you head over to him. Diego's left hand shoots out and he wiggles fingers at you, trying to grab you despite the twenty foot gap between your bodies. You snort, but its still adorable. 

Slotting in underneath his arm, you wind around him with a sigh. "Hi, baby. Whatcha doing?"

Brown eyes come down to you and he smiles widely. "Its not working. How was your trip?" His forehead descends and you rise on tiptoes to meet him. 

"Better now that I'm here." You whisper as your lips curl up in a pleased grin. Diego rubs his nose with yours before swooping down for a kiss. The goatee has gotten long enough that its now soft on your chin, but still tickly. Combined with his velvet lips and hot tongue, you almost experience sensory overload. High pitched noises escape your throat while you melt against him. Diego takes your weight with no effort and you don't hesitate to let him. When he finally pulls back you just have to chase him a little; you really, really like the facial hair.

When you finally slit eyes open he is grinning down at you like a cat that got the canary. He sounds so smug, "I should grow out the entire beard?" 

You lick your lips and consider the salt and pepper growth that occurred since you saw him last weekend. Your left eyebrow climbs with your own inquiry, "Do you want to live between my thighs?"

"Uh, yes…?" Diego answers what was apparently the stupidest question ever posed. Chocolate eyes sparkle at you as he fails to suppress a smirk. "What do you think the ring is about?"

Your guffaw is cut short when he tosses you up onto the counter and shoves both huge hands down the back of your pants to push them off. The jeggings stretch easily over your hips and Diego, ever efficient when it comes to getting some pussy, takes your thong with them in one swift motion. Bracing hands on those broad shoulders, you wiggle and shift and bend whichever way is necessary to assist. Never let it be said that you are not a team player.

Your left shoe hits the floor and as Diego switches to the right he asks breathlessly, "New?"

"Yeah." Your response is just as rushed as you grab at his hair.

"Pretty." He tosses the right shoe off towards the living room with this proclamation. 

Both big hands come up to your knees and spread your legs wide. "Well, thank yourself. I used the black Amex." You chuckle as you lean back on elbows.

Slowly, menacingly, promisingly, Diego rises over the lip of the counter between your legs with that shark smile. He purposely pitches his voice low to rumble, "Good girl."

Your insides liquefy as your back arches and your pussy clenches down on nothing. How the hell does he do that? You can feel yourself getting wet. Fleeting kisses and sharp little nips mark Diego's progress up the inside of your left thigh.

"Hmm." His breath ghosts over your center in the lightest of teases. "What is that method to train again? The treats instead of yelling?" He rubs those bristles you so love over your inner thighs with considerable force and it almost induces a seizure.

"P-postive reinforcement!" Your yelp is exceedingly high pitched. Oh fuck yes, reward me with tongue, I'm a good Princess. You're almost certain that your brain has melted, you have zero sense when it comes to this man.

Diego nips the very bottom of your right buttcheek, so close and yet way, way too far away. "Yesss," he hisses into the short hair just above where you need him most, "That's what its called." The feel of his goatee just barely brushing over your folds while he speaks has turned you into a gibbering mess.

"P-please, Diego. I did like you told me, I didn't even text to ask first, please please…" How he manages to break you down into a begging disaster so quickly is a mystery. Your hands curl into his hair, desperately trying to pull him closer.

"Mm hmm," his deep hum makes you quiver, memories of that sound being delivered straight to your sensitive bundle of nerves via the vehicle of his tongue drive you higher. The rough timbre is dark with desire when he speaks this time, "You were a very good girl. My pretty little Princess is learning well. Let Diego give you your reward."

The heat of his open mouth covering your entire vulva is stunning. Your shoulders fall to the countertop as you moan shamelessly, "Ohhh, yes baby." That sinfully amazing tongue pokes into your entrance then flattens out broadly to lap all the way up to your clit. "Yeah!" Your single breathy yelp is accompanied by a jerk of your wide hips. Diego presses hard and moans.

Your hands slap down on the countertop for leverage so you can press down on him. "Yes, yes. Oh my god, how is, your tongue, so hot??" Breath stuttering, your words are choppy. Your chest jumps each time he groans against you and Diego repeats it again, seemingly just to enjoy your reaction. He pulls off with an obscene slurp, Nonono come back! 

"The same way this pretty little pussy is always so tight." The dirty talk is all the warning you get as two thick fingers sink deep inside. It takes a moment to comprehend that the ringing in your ears is an uncomfortable noise emanating from your mouth. He pulls out slowly, making sure you feel every ridge and callus, all the textures, before pushing in again steadily. Each time he retreats your cunt clenches down, trying to hold on to the feeling of being filled. "Did you miss your Diego? Huh?"

There is no earthly reason anyone should be this fucking sexy.  

"Only, oh fuck, only when I'm ali-i-i-ive!" The confession ends in a squeal as he bottoms out and rubs your cervix. The cold counter is heating rapidly under your thrashing form. Just as you start to get accustomed to the sensation Diego ups the ante by closing lips over your clit and sucking. Your hips roll against him, he matches the rhythm of his hand with your movements expertly. Legs rising high and spreading wide, trying to give him as much room as possible to work. A broken chant is punched out of you with every thrust, "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah."

The disappointed whine you utter when he breaks the suction is cut off into choked silence by the focused licks he is now delivering. You bury both hands into his short hair and hang on for dear life. His beard rasps against your sensitive skin and the contrasting feelings drive you mad. These are the licks that push you higher, these licks mean business. 

Between the long, slow thrusts of his fingers and the never ending laving of your clit, everything is tightening up quickly. Your legs shake and your stomach trembles, you pull on his hair and Diego moans for you. You moan back, "Fuck. Yeah, baby. Just, just keep. Don't stop, please don't stop."

Because Diego is Diego, he doubles down on the pressure and goes even harder with the tongue. Your entire consciousness narrows down to the man between your legs working you over like its his life's mission to make you come on his face. Everything is clinching tighter and tighter. Tense and strung out taut, you call for him as he pushes you right up to the edge and straight over it.

"Diego, Diego. Baby, I- F-fuck, yes, yes. Love you, love you, I fucking love you, I love you." You realize that was aloud but can't be bothered to stop the babbling confession synchronized to the waves of your climax. Diego groans against your clit but keeps his fingers fully buried so you can clamp down on him in ecstasy. You ride it out knowing full well that he won't rush this, he loves to feel the effect he has on you. You have no idea how long it goes on, the agonizing pleasure slowly easing, but your back finally crashes down to the marble while you wheeze in exhaustion. 

Using the grip in his hair, you tug gently to pull him off. Looking down over your curves, you flush even more as you watch Diego lick his lips lewdly. I am living in my very own private porno. 

Movement further down catches your eye and you realize that this entire time he has been stroking himself with the hand not shoved inside you. His massive cock is already dark and dripping as it pokes out of open pants.

"Your turn." You utter as you reach for him. 

"No!" Diego barks and bats your hand away. Is he sick? Do I need to call 911? You're immediately concerned that he might be dying. "Lie back. Be still."

Okay, kinky motherfucker. Of course he has something in mind. You flop down as ordered and Diego moans with satisfaction. 

"Yes, good girl. Do as I command and let Diego come all over you, pretty little Princess." He stares down at you with eyes black in arousal. His mouth hangs open to pant and his brows are drawn together in concentration. Swiping precome off the head of his dick, Diego reaches up to offer it. You lick with no hesitation as he rams those same fingers that were just up your pussy into your mouth and practically down your throat. "Suck."

With a moan you do exactly what he wants, your eyes closing in pleasure from the combined tastes of him and yourself. You don't have to put on a show when you enjoy this so very much. Your tongue covers every centimeter of his index and middle fingers, suckling strongly to get every last drop. Diego whines at the sight.

"Fuck. Yes. Princess. My Princess. Diego's perfect little Princess." His voice is rough and rattling, you can tell from how harshly he fists his cock that he is very close. The sight of two of your favorite parts of him together, his hand and his dick, makes you writhe.

You wrap your left hand around his thick forearm and the glint of your diamond ring catches his eye. His fingers drop out of your mouth to hold your jaw ever so tenderly. You decide to give him that last little nudge.

"Baby," You breathe, he pries his eyes away from the ring to meet yours. You pitch your voice low and sultry,  "Come for your Princess, my Murder Panther."

Diego's expression crumples and his hips snap forward twice as he comes with a quiet roar. "Ahhh, sí sí. Yessss." Its fascinating to watch; this big, powerful, dangerous man losing control over you. You absolutely love it. 

He paints your stomach white with come, squeezing the last little bit out and then slapping both hands down the counter to gasp. Before you can reach for those shoulders to pet him into aftercare, Diego dives down to lap up his own mess.

"Holy fuckin' shit that's hot." You are right back to the edge just like that. His soft tongue scoops up the gleaming liquid and you can literally see him swallowing it. You jump when fingers brush your labia but sigh with approval when they sink deep into you again. Diego, now finished with your stomach, comes back up to take your mouth. 

This is a whole new level of obscene: Sucking his own come off of his tongue while he finger fucks you to another orgasm. The mental image of what you two must look like defiling the kitchen counter is enough to make you tighten around him. The rapid, forceful thrusting of his thick fingers sends you careening into climax while moaning into his mouth. Pussy trembling around him and hips jerking, you hang on tight to his biceps until every wave of pleasure ebbs away. You flop back down and Diego collapses on top of you.

"Fuck. If that, if that's what I get for spending your money. Then I need to fucking splurge more often." You can barely string words together. 

Diego purrs.

Its now forty minutes later and you manage to troubleshoot the espresso machine.

"Its unplugged." You murmur, pointing lazily. 

"Mmmph." Diego moans from his position face down in your cleavage.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A brief debate on showering occurred, but a motion to nap on the sectional was introduced and unanimously ratified almost immediately. 

When you wake up later the only light in the penthouse is supplied by the neighboring skyscrapers. Curled up on your right side, Diego is spooned up behind you with his beard velcroed into your hair and the fingers of his left hand are laced with yours around the diamond ring. The sight makes you both happy and anxious. 

"Baby?" You breathe. Diego shifts behind you, then yawns hugely. It even sounds adorable, you smile to yourself.

"Que pasa?" His voice is rough from sleep and you shiver. "You're stiff. What's wrong, Princess?"

"I have some notes we need to discuss. Its not bad!" Rushing to reassurance, you move to sit up. He releases your hands but strokes down your back as you stand. Bare feet pad across the rug as you go back to your bag and retrieve the notepad. Diego blinks when you turn on a lamp but waves you back into his embrace. 

"What is troubling my Princess?" He rumbles as you wiggle around and get situated in his lap. You present the immediate list of issues and give him time to read the few items. He chuckles at you, "Let's start from the bottom, yes? I will help." He mimes crossing it off the list.

"Yeah, alright." You giggle. "But the family thing. You know my parents are chomping at the bit. I'm the last girl they get to marry off, its a big deal or something." Your eyes roll as you flap your hand around. 

"How much do you want them involved?" Diego presents something you hadn't considered yet.

"Huh. I. Wait a sec." He props his chin in his hand while you consider. You're very distracted by the lazily blinking Murder Panther under you. "Okay," settling hands on your thighs, you push through the anxiety, "I had assumed they were not paying for it."  Careful watching shows Diego rolling his eyes at you.

"Of course not. Don't be silly." He scoffs quietly. 

Yeah, duh. You can feel terror bubbling up and you squash it ruthlessly. "Well in that case, almost none. We'll make all the decisions. They'll be allowed to give opinions or whatever, but no control." That does make it a little easier.

"No artistic license to the people who created you. Ballsy. I like that." Diego is nothing if not encouraging of you. His expression of mock impression makes you gigglesnort. Then he throws you another curveball of an offer, "Do you want a wedding planner?" 

Everything stops for a moment before you breathe, "Fuck." That never even occurred to me.

Big fingers dip into your hair and turn so you face him fully. Diego is grinning from ear to ear. "Did I crash Fiance Princess OS?"

You nod faintly. "I… never even considered that. I don't come from a background where people do that, you know?" 

Shrugging one shoulder at you, Diego 'hmm's thoughtfully. "I did not suggest it sooner because you like planning. What is everything that needs to be planned?" His face turns mildly horrified at your sudden flailing.

"EVERYTHING! YOU HAVE TO PLAN EVERYTHING!" You most definitely did not have control of your own volume setting just now. "So, like, the venue, the date, the wedding party, the clothing, the food, decorations, seating arrangements, guest lists, ugh, fucking flowers. I do not want flowers! Oh, shit, music? Oh my god, everyone is going to be offended by my musical choices at some point." You facepalm and then drop the entire setup down into your lap, too, for good measure.

Diego pokes your arm with the corner of the notepad and you reach to take it from him without looking.

He snatches it back and tosses it over the couch and into the kitchen where it lands on the floor with a slap.

 "Fuck it. We can elope."

[orange-waterfalls]

Sleeping Beauty

Darkiplier x Wilford Warfstache

@grey-b0y ty for the request!(im sorry it took so long lol)

A/N: ight so. first time doin a ship. literally the best thing ive ever written. may like to do more. uhhhh Dark being an overworked bastard. Wilford being the caring boyf that he would be. Disney movies. If you couldn't already tell. Uhhhhh finished this in an hour, re-read it, may actually be the best thing I've ever made I'm ngl. Dark may be a bit OOC, but that's just cause he's a lil bit tired. uhhhhh yeah. Enjoy!

Requests are open

--

Dark let out a quiet sigh as he opened the door to his and Wilford’s house. He threw his suit jacket to the side with absolutely no fucks to give about where it landed. He stumbled through the house until he eventually landed in his office, plopping down in his chair and leaning back with a groan.

He had so much work he still had left to do, and it was already 9:00. He was so, so, so very tired. The egos had been especially annoying that week, all having the stupidest comments during meetings and refusing to shut up once they got started. Dark had noticed Wilford gave him a “look” whenever he saw the entity annoyed or angry. He didn’t want Wilford to worry, so he always brushed it off. In hindsight, it might have been a good idea to let Wil help him. They were in a relationship, after all. People are supposed to help those that they love. Dark never gave Wil much of a chance to do that. He felt bad for it at times.

Dark rubbed the bridge of his nose and yawned. He shook his head and cracked his neck and flexed his hands, trying to make himself more awake. “Trying” being the keyword here. He reached into his messenger bag and pulled out his laptop and computer mouse. He opened the laptop and opened a document of everything he was supposed to schedule, approve, and deny. He went through everything, the blue light illuminating his pale face, the bags under his eyes looking very prominent. Any person with eyesight and half a brain could see he was sleep-deprived and overworked.

He heard a noise come from somewhere in the house. He stopped clicking and raised his head a bit, trying to listen. Nothing else came. He shrugged lightly. He was probably just imagining things…

Probably…

Another noise. A THUMP. Louder this time. He took his hand away from the mouse and leaned back in his chair, watching the closed door of the office. He stared at it, waiting for another noise to show up.

The sound of shattered glass and Wilford cursing caused Dark to jump up out of his chair. He threw the door open and ran to the source of the noise.

“Wil!” He called as he stopped in the living room. The panicked look on his face died down into indifference and mild annoyance.

Wilford was laying on his back in the middle of the room, margarita glass in hand, with the window shattered and shards of glass surrounding him. He turned to Dark and smiled.

“Good evening, pumpkin!” He greeted joyfully. Dark exhaled deeply and walked over to Wilford. He had no problem with the glass because his shoes were still on. Wilford, apparently having some sort of supervision when it came to Dark, noticed this small fact. “Why do you have your shoes on? When did you get home?” Dark, ignoring the question, pulled Wilford to his feet.

“Where’s your key?” He asked, exasperated.

“Now, hold on. I asked you first. It’s not fair that I have to answer questions when you haven’t answered mine!” The reporter pouted. Dark rolled his eyes.

“Stuck in a meeting. Stuck in traffic. Got home a couple of minutes ago,” He sighed, “Where is your key, Wil?” Wilford looked around for a moment before his eyes landed on a clock. He let out an exaggerated gasp.

“Dark! It’s so late! You must be exhausted!” He said, cupping Dark’s face in his hands. He can’t help from melting into the touch of his favorite person.

“No, no, I’m fine, really,” Dark mumbled, obviously lying. Wilford frowned.

“Come along now, darling, you know you can’t lie to me,” He said, stepping a bit closer to him. He looked into Dark’s eyes while the entity avoided eye contact. Wilford huffed before his eyebrows raised and a smile formed on his lips. Dark noticed and furrowed his eyebrows

“What?” He asked, slightly worried. Wilford grabbed his hand and led him to their bedroom. Dark sighed.

“Wil, I don’t-” He was cut off by a T-shirt being thrown at his face. Dark, being extremely tired, didn’t process what had happened until he looked down and saw the shirt. He looked back up at Wilford, squinting a bit. Wilford had somehow already changed. He was wearing pink shorts and a white shirt with a rainbow on the front. Dark glanced down at the shirt and raised an eyebrow. Wilford cleared his throat.

“My eyes are up here, Darky-poo,” He teased. Dark would have blushed if he were less proud. Would have.

Dark rolled his eyes and picked up the shirt, ushering Wilford out. God knows how long into their relationship and Dark still refused to change in front of his boyfriend. Wilford shook his head and chuckled, heading into the kitchen.

--

He made two bowls of popcorn, knowing for a fact he would scarf down his in a matter of minutes. He walked into the living room. He heard creaking and looked back to see Dark walk in after him. The pale entity wore black boxers and the grey shirt that was thrown at him. Wilford smiled.

“What took so long, darling?” He asked sweetly. Dark scoffed at the third pet name that night.

“Resting my eyes,” he claimed. Wilford hummed, knowing it was a lie. He wouldn’t push it, though. Dark sighed. “What are we doing, Wil?”

“Watching Disney movies. Only the musicals, though,” Dark groaned.

“Wil-”

“Listen,” Wilford said, suddenly sounding serious. Dark closed his mouth. “I know you won’t listen to me when I tell you to rest. So, if you’re gonna stay awake, you might as well do something vaguely fun, right?” Dark smiled softly.

This person. This person loved him. This person cared about him more than anyone else did. And this person that cared about him was trying to help. Dark sighed, but not in an exasperated way. In an “I really can’t argue because a) I have nothing to argue and b) I kinda sorta really don’t wanna argue but I still wanna act like I do” kinda way. He shuffled his way over to the couch and plopped down next to Wilford, scooting as close to him as possible. Wilford grinned and settled himself.

“But do we have to do all of them?” Dark complained. Wilford stroked his mustache a bit.

“Well, no, but we gotta start somewhere.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means you get to tell me which year to start from.”

“Last year.” That earned a small glare from Wilford. “Fine, fine… uh… 19...8...9?”

“The Little Mermaid it is!” Wilford said excitedly.

“Wait, you know all the years?”

“Of course I do! What do you think I am? Some sort of commoner?!” Dark slowly blinked at that wreck of a sentence and turned back to the TV screen. Wilford put an arm around Dark, who snuggled into the touch. Then, Wilford hit the play button on his remote.

--

Two movies later, Dark was out cold. They’d barely gotten through a third of “Newsies” before Wilford looked over and saw the entity sleeping. Wilford had been mindful enough to keep his singing voice to a minimum, and so Dark hadn’t woken up. Wilford wasn’t even sure how long he’d been asleep. When did he last look? Halfway through “Beauty and the Beast?” Aw, too bad. 30 more minutes and they would’ve started on “Aladdin”! Wilford shrugged and paused the film.

He gently shifted in his spot and lifted Dark into his arms. He slowly carried the “Sleeping Beauty”(shut up I’m funny) to their room. He gently laid Dark down on the bed, covering him with the blankets. Dark almost instantly cuddled into them. Wilford bit his lip as he stared down at his lover. Well, since they didn’t watch Sleeping Beauty…

Wilford gently leaned down and brushed a small curl out of Dark’s face. He gazed at his sleeping figure in admiration before leaning down further to connect their lips in a small kiss. Very small, more of a peck than a “kiss” kiss, but still. Dark slowly opened his eyes and blinked a few times as Wilford pulled away.

“Aw, Dark,” Wilford whispered, “I woke you with true love’s kiss!”

“You woke me, period,” Dark grumbled but stretched out his arms, tempting Wilford to go to bed.

Wilford climbed in next to Dark, spooning him. He held his arms tight around his partner’s torso, burying his nose into the entity’s hair and inhaling deeply.

“What are you doing?” Dark almost chuckled. Wilford smiled.

“I like your smell…”

“Oh?” Dark twisted around to look at Wilford. “And what do I smell like?”

“Home…” Wilford answered with a lovestruck look on his face. He could’ve sworn he saw a blush before getting hit in the face with a pillow. He laughed as Dark turned back around.

“You are the cheesiest person in the galaxy,” Dark said. Wilford’s lips curled into a grin as he snuggled up behind Dark again.

“Maybe…” He answered. Both of them sighed contently. “I love you…”

“I love you too...” Dark mumbled, still very tired, “Goodnight, Wil.” Wilford smiled as he tightened his grip ever-so-slightly.

“Good night, Sleeping Beauty…”

[divainity-a3]

annnndddd onnnnnn this episode of:  r.iverdale is fucking stupid and disrespectful of every character trait reggie has and makes raven wanna pull out their fucking hair:     this fugly scene!  

                                             ( TW: ABUSE, ABUSE MENTION, PARENTAL ABUSE )

you might think: wow maybe raven likes this! it seems accurate to their headcanons about richard’s abuse n how reggie feels about it and they’ve often written threads where reggie does have a black eye because of his father!. maybe. but the way it’s presented and the way reggie’s communicating it? the fact that he IS communicating it period? nah. 

1st of all, archie is the LAST PERSON REGGIE WOULD EVER CONFIDE IN ABOUT SHIT LIKE THIS. he even SAYS it in the fucking scene: you had everything i didn’t. why the fUCK would reggie cry to archie when archie is a constant reminder of the loving family he never had and never will have. why would he be openly vulnerable about that shit with the person who made him cynical and hateful of his parents in the first place? and WHY, please god tell me WHY would he take the time to answer the question calmly and not lash out in anyway. 

second of all can you PLEASE tell me why ch.arles fucking m.elton, the UGLIEST man i have ever seen, is SMILING ??? WHILE HE SAYS THIS SHIT???? HUH??? im sorry is abuse FUNNY to the riverdale writers? if reggie were to even talk about it period he’d be closed off, upset, and extremely distant. im sorry but i said what i said: charl.es me.lton is the worst actor ive had the DISPLEASURE of seeing on any screen. 

                          let’s go line by line so you can really understand where this is coming from:

“what do you want me to say? that my dad hits me? that he beats the crap out of me over the stupidest things?”

everyone knows im not team richard but richard has extremely valid reasons to be upset w/reggie. not to beat him, but be upset with him. why do i know this? because reggie goes OUT OF HIS WAY to infuriate his parents, not so they can beat him, but so he can have some kind of power in the dynamic. in the household. richard doesn’t escalate to hitting reggie unless he has a pretty good reason, which reggie is usually there to give, is what im trying to say. there is no ‘random outburst’ from richard, it happens and it’s wrong that it happens period. 

“that he’s been doing it for as long as i can remember?”

just a horrible piece of written dialogue period but this just isn’t something he’d say. for the most part richard isn’t even around most of the time to do this and yes while it has gone on very long, it has never escalated to this level of visible and long-lasting injury until reggie grew up and “became a man,” a pivotal moment where richard decided he COULD hit reggie harder simply because he was older. which must mean he can take it, right? wrong so the ‘black eye’ shit wasn’t happening for ‘as long as he could remember’ because it wasn’t always this bad. it’s just gotten worse over the years. 

“i was always jealous of the relationship you had with your dad.” 

he wouldn’t openly admit that, he’s too prideful. why would he ever tell archie that he has something he wants because he runs on the fact that he wants NOTHING that archie has and is therefore superior. this wouldn’t happen. instead he’d call archie out on his privilege for not being able to fathom that his father hit him because his life is so picture perfect. also there’s something to be said about poc families beating their kids and white families babying them but that’s a whole other thing—

“no matter what you wanted to do, he always stood by you. i don’t know what that feels like.”

the core issue with reg and richard is that richard literally just hates reggie. period. richard talks SHIT with his coworkers about his deadbeat son. how much of a pest he is and how much he wishes he could have another son that wasn’t so disappointing and awful. furthermore, it’s not that reggie wants to do things that richard doesn’t like, it’s that he doesn’t want to do ANYTHING with his life and perpetually acts like a teenager as if he’ll be one forever. the IMMATURITY is the issue not what reggie “””wants to do””” because reggie doesn’t WANT to do anything.

“and when your dad died, all i could think was ‘what if it had been my old man instead?’”

i’ve said this before and i’ll say it again: reggie wouldnt give a fuck if his dad dropped dead. he’d be GRATEFUL, jesus christ— you really think reggies around here moping like ‘uGh i kNoW my dAd liTerally bEAts tHe sHit ouT Of mE but wHat iF He DiEd i’D bE sO saD i’d RaThEr hAvE hiM aLiVe aNd aBuSiVe tHaN DeAd— NO.  reg! has wished! his dad! would just die! since he was old enough to understand what that meant. abuse made him cold and bitter and you can’t! blame him! fuck outta here with that ‘aW bUT i StIlL lOvE hiM hE’S mY dAd— if anyone understands what it means to say that ‘just because you’re related doesn’t mean you love each other’ it is REGGIE MANTLE  in this ESSAY I WILL—