#this is very much a bunch of rambling and disconnected thoughts that i put down in a stream of consciousness

[dyketubbo]

theres a lot of people who seem to think that c!beeduo will have some sort of giant argument abt ranboos or quackity will take tubbos last life or something and im just like. no i just want them to talk LMAO can we get a tubbo talking about his problems and have an arc of tubbo realizing that he shouldnt just accept mistreatment and that repressing his emotions is not the same as healthily moving on from trauma. i want him and quackity to be equals with mutual respect (which is where their relationship had already left off), i know realistically theres going to be conflict but like.

ranboo and tubbo both already know theyre keeping secrets, tubbo wouldnt be mad about enderwalk because its not dangerous, ranboo wouldnt be mad because tubbo didnt tell him about his past, at most ranboo would be upset *for* tubbo because like. theres no good reason for ranboo to get mad that tubbo didnt tell him about something incredibly traumatizing, and theres. no reason for tubbo to be pissed about sleepwalking, even *if* ew!ranboo has conmections with dream, tubbo has already expressed that he wouldnt blame ranboo for anything he couldnt control, and tubbo himself knows how easy it is for dream to get under peoples skin

also i feel like some people seem to lean wayyy too far into quackity being a villain to remember what *kind* of villain he is. he isnt like schlatt, who used political and perceived power to get his way. he isnt like dream, who slowly wittled down peoples defenses and convinced others that it was deserved and that he was in the right (to the point where people *still* believe what he said about tommy). he uses similar tactics, yes, but he's still his own kind of villain, and i truly do not believe quackity is going to kill tubbo when theres. not a very big benefit to doing so? at the least he gets the ire of ranboo and tommy. but its very likely that hes going to piss off a *ton* of people, because tubbo is like. very loved among the community, even most of the las nevadas citizens genuinely like tubbo (slime and quackity only being exceptions because we dont know exactly what their opinions are, but its unlikely that they dislike tubbo)

its unlikely for tubbo to permadie, and i think unlikely for beeduo and las nevadas' conflict to be much more than a moral conflict. hell, i think its more likely for ranboos focus on this conflict to cause an issue within the syndicate (ranboo and phil both focusing on tubbo and growing close with him, and weve been waiting for the ball to drop on technos response to it all, and it may come to a head with them all being apart of the las nevadas plot), or to even just tie up a lot of loose ends with various relationships (cough cough fundy and ranboo cough cough)

i also just dont think it works for the characters to have beeduo have a big fallout (or even really a big argument in general) or for quackity to cause such large harm to tubbo. like ive been trying to collect my thoughts on how beeduos relationship will develop for a while and i want to make a post about it but just as a general tubbo is canonically very loved and cared about on the smp, its very risky to cause harm to him and i feel like quackity would know that. also tubbo has never had a problem with people protecting him LMAO him and tommys entire relationship has been based around protecting each other, tubbo himself is very protective, i doubt tubbo would feel much more than annoyance at ranboos meddling and ultimately if he disagreed with ranboos morals i think he'd at least speak up about that (also tubbo honestly follows the "people not sides" thing in his own way, after all he and punz were always friendly, and hes friends with phil, literally married to ranboo, friends with sam, etc etc)

generally just like, i think tubbos story arc would be best if this led into a healing arc, like its very likely that someone will bring up him being a spy before and how it ended badly and tubbo wont be able to avoid it anymore, and with proper pressuring, yeah, i think he'd snap. but itd be cathartic, and also i do not think anyone around tubbo has the heart to just like, watch him break or even truly get satisfaction out of it. tubbo dying would only further his belief that his life doesnt matter, dream wouldnt revive tubbo, thats kind of just a given. canon wise, it makes sense for tubbo to survive (cough cough parallels to how tommy got out of exile, being the only president to live, also like he has a fucking son), and it makes sense for him to be able to genuinely get those around him to question their morals and how theyve treated him and others. i really do think tubbos arc is heading in a direction where hes gonna heal, and i think its absolutely going to be an emotional/moral struggle rather than a physical one

the people around tubbo have already encouraged him to be emotionally open before, just a bit more pushing and i think theres a chance. is tubbo going to break before he gets better? yeah, but i dont think its going to come in the form of him dying or even an argument with ranboo- which i just do not think will happen in the way most seem to think it will. they are genuinely good partners that love and care for each other, they consistently interact and work together on almost everything. yes they need better communication, but ultimately "i went/am going through a traumatizing experience and i didnt want to worry you by telling" is not a relationship breaker, neither of them are dangerous or harmful to each other. i understand the want to have a lot of action but thats likely going to come with the prison plotline, and tubbos relationships with the prisoners is a much different situation than his relationships with ranboo and quackity (INTENSELY different). hell, dreams in fuckin prison and is still a bigger danger to tubbo than ranboo and quackity could ever be

[crushcardvirus]

bakura ask game

favorite thing about them

I just find this kid FASCINATING okay what’s his fucking DEAL. also the ‘tried to make a cool and collected male character and he just came out autistic’ syndrome which affects 50% of ygo men. and i straight up think his character design is rlly cute. scrunkly

least favorite thing about them

CAN WE GET THIS MAN A CHARACTER ARC PLEASE jesus christ. it's okay i have my own conception of him in my brain and i think it's interesting to explore him as a character who kind of got 'left behind' by the narrative yea

favorite line

It has to be ‘My name is Ryou Bakura. I won’t let you hurt my friends. I’ll fight too!’ like! I love that moment a lot like ryou asserting himself and his identity like that should have been the climax of his character arc. special mention to all his wretched fucking dubbed anime dialogue because it’s all the FUNNIEST shit ever. Check his pulse Yugi!!!!! never fails to make me lose it it’s such a stupid thing to say. why did they make him say that

brOTP

HIM AND MAI PRANKING JOU WAS SO MEAN BUT SO FUCKING FUNNY i love that and him being like heyy jou check out my deck full of ghosts and creepy dolls :) they're really funny and good for Antics. honestly i love these kids' friendship group they're the best. i kind of want to see ryou interact one on one with anzu, i think it would be interesting bc i feel like she'd have the lowest tolerance for Weird Bakura Shit out of all of them and also he's like. canonically afraid of girls. it would be funny is what i'm saying

OTP

I like most ryou ships. Untapped infinite boyfriend supply. But angstshipping is my fav :) I restrained myself from rambling about why I like it in my malik answer but like. 1) both insane 2) similar experiences 3) very different personalities that mesh in interesting ways 4) it would be really really funny

nOTP

I don’t really have one? I don’t much like te.nd.ershipping bc that’s not how i read their relationship but i’ve seen it done really well a few times. Sorry this makes it sound like I hate yami bakura and want him to have no bitches. unfortunately this is the case

random headcanon

I love when people hc ryou as a doll collector bc 1) it's really cute and fitting and 2) i collect dolls so it's like. Haha . I do that. He's definitely got a bunch of random porcelain (potentially haunted) dolls but I think he would like some of the weirder fashion dolls and BJDs too.

unpopular opinion

[pulls down the box labelled RYOU THOUGHTS on the shelf in my brain]

i think what ryou gets out of letting yami bakura take over his life is. a fucking break. my reading of him is like 20% projection and 50% that one character chart but he seems to be someone very disconnected from reality, and while not malignantly self-centered maybe not the type to fully consider how his actions affect the people around him. he has the same Weird Manchild energy that a lot of ygo characters have- pegasus comes to mind actually- and man. i just think he's very lonely and doesn't really know who he is or what he wants or how to be a person. he knows he should put up more of a fight against YB but he really can't face school today, okay????

song i associate with them

Mistaken for Strangers by The National please listen to it for ryou vibes that will make you miserable and also a banger of a song. i will draw a lyricstuck w/ it for him one day

favorite picture of them

Weed ryou

weed ryou

[2018shawn]

quarantine and chill

warnings: I haven’t written in a while so this may be sucky but have fun kids. not proof read : ----) nsfw/sexy times

“I already rearranged your wardrobe three times because for the first time in my life, I couldn’t watch another episode of Friends!” She exhaled, slumping herself down onto the second wheeled chair, her weight shifting the leather seated pew a few inches away from her other half who sat opposite, legs opened wide, still engaged deep in his work.

“You did?” He smirked somewhat, finally diverting his eyes away from the pages in front of him and swivelling his chair to situate himself completely parallel to her crossed armed, sulking figure.

“Yeah… I mean, first I did it in sleeve length, because you might want to dress weather appropriate. Then I didn’t like that, so I changed it to style of item, so all your tee shirts, then all your shirts, then all your sweaters etc etc…” She was rambling, but it made him smile. His heart was warm with the little gestures she’d always put into their relationship and she didn’t even know she was doing it. He also loved how her hands would wave around expressively every time she would babble on about things that weren’t particularly of any importance, just like she was doing now. He stretched out his arm and wrapped his fingers around the pad of the seat where her legs weren’t covering as she’d somehow pulled them up, holding them close to her chest. With one swift tug, the chair glided along the studio floor, only stopping when it came into contact with his own chair, disallowing for her to be any closer. “But then I eventually decided on colour order, which isn’t of any practicality whatsoever, but… it looks pretty” She shrugged, outstretching her legs to rest over his thick thighs which were unfortunately covered by his I’m in isolation sweat shorts.

His hands synchronously, starting at her ankles, traced her soft legs, leaving a trail of goose pimples behind from his delicate touch. He’d always wondered how someone could get their skin to be this level of soft 24/7, but she always insisted that it was just down to the vanilla pumpkin body butter she used all year round, despite the fact it was a seasonal fragrance. “I’m just… BORED” She groaned, not allowing his hands to get any higher than the bottom of her own gym shorts, because that was just too much of a dangerous territory for his hands to be in without her feeling like melted butter. He happily allowed their hands to entwine, more than approving of any bodily contact with her. Her legs were still strewn over his, their bodies looking like a complicated position of figures, but to them, it was the most comfortable thing in the world.

Her bum was barely resting on her own seat, and was more supported by the way her legs slotted through the arm rest of his chair mixed with the strength of his arms, feeling the need to try pull her as close as possible. “I’ll finish up here, bub. I’m sorry” He apologetically smiled, but he knew full well how much she understood his need to keep in contact and communicate with his team. He followed his statement by tugging gently, but strongly enough to shift her weight, allowing her body to completely disconnect with the office chair she was sat on. He pulled her close enough so that their chests were almost touching, and for once, she was towering over him due to the sitting position they’d found themselves in. She attempted to look down at his chiseled features, wanting nothing more than to stay this close to him forever, but her wild hair fell in front of her eyes, restricting her view. She blew on it several times, in an attempt to move the auburn, bouncy waves but failing miserably.

Laughing up at her, he untangled his fingers that were still being held captive in hers, and brought his hands up to push her wild lion-like mane behind her ears. “Hi...” he almost whispered, more than happy to see her stunning features smiling back at him.

Just as she was about to reply, he cut her short, to her surprise, his lips landing on hers with the softest yet eager passion, almost as if his life depended on the kiss. She moaned quietly into his lips in return, which made his dick twitch with lust beneath her as she unknowingly turned him on, just like most days. He wanted her more and more each second that past. And that feeling was more than mutual. 

Their lips were wet, making up for the time he’d been working in his home studio and she’d be pottering around upstairs in an attempt to put a stop to her boredom. His hands tangled in her now extra messy hair, whilst hers balled up the fabric of his shirt in her hands. She was the first to pull away, finishing the romancing with a nose boop. He’d never understood how someone could be incredibly, painfully sexy at the same time as being adorably sweet. “Shawn... I'm...” Kiss. “So...” Kiss. “Bored.” She finished with a smile, wriggling her legs in an attempt to try and get out of the locked position but failing immensely. 

Ironically, the force of her pushing down in an attempt to try and get herself up was not helping the situation happening in his gym shorts and he wasn’t sure if she knew. She of course, did know, and was an expert at playing him to his weaknesses, knowing absolutely full well he loved nothing more than for her to be on top of him. 

“Let’s go on a date.” He blurted quietly, face still as close as could be. She screwed up her face which way by far her normal reaction to a suggestion such as this. “Erm, Shawn... I don’t know if you’ve spent that much time down here you’ve forgotten there’s a worldwide PANDEMIC...” she theatrically began, “meaning you, nor I, are in any position to leave that god damn front door... unless it’s time for our daily 60 minute walk outside” She rested herself on the studio desk, careful not to lean back a touch too much and start pressing a bunch of buttons she had absolutely no idea how to work. The one time he left her in charge to press one single button, she ended up deleting the backing track and setting his microphone to auto tune. Still to this day has he never even figured out himself how to do that. 

“Doesn’t mean I can’t wine and dine you” He smirked, mirroring her movements by placing a hand either side of her, the muscles in his arms bulging as he gripped onto the wooden surface so he didn’t fall for her more than he already had. She never showed any signs of feeling it, but she was hot. And bothered. And everything in between. 

“Oh...” she quietened, cheeks blushing slightly crimson after her dramatic reminder that they were in fact in quarantine. 

“So, if it’s possible, go make yourself look even prettier than you do now and meet me in the kitchen at 7pm” he smiled, fingers finding their way back to her soft hair, and not for the first time this evening if he had anything to do with it. 

She pressed a hand to his chest, and tried to make it look like it didn’t take all of her effort to move his firm body. They both knew it did, and he was smug. She walked away with just a touch extra of a hip sway, not needing eyes in the back of her head to know he was staring like a 13 year old boy. “It’s an... isolation date” she smiled, turning round to look at him again, her figure leaning into the doorframe, fingers tapping on the sound proofed walls. The walls that had heard their screams so many times before. The walls he wished she wasn’t walking out of right now. 

--

She was humming along to some summer walker song she barely knew the name of, applying her favourite shade of Milani lipstick to accentuate her favourite facial feature - her lips. It was a loud hammering on the bedroom door that snapped her out of her concentration, only then just realising how loud her music was playing. The banging repeated when she didn’t respond. To say she was confused would be an understatement; the only person would it would be is Shawn, so why in the heck wouldn’t he just walk into his own bedroom like he normally does without a care in the world? The third attempt of a knock was what interrupted her make up routine in order to swipe down on her phone screen to quieten the music, although she couldn't help but laugh at the same time before she walked over to the door. “Shawn, this is your room you...” She flung the door open and became instantly speechless. 

It wasn’t Shawn. It was a greek God with muscles almost bursting out of his black, crisp shirt. A jawline that could cut a bitch. Curls that could make her go dizzy. With another harsh blink and fresh breath, it was only then she realised it was Shawn. “...dumb-ass.” She finally finished her previous sentence, unknowing whether she’d been staring at him for 5 seconds of 5 minutes. 

“That’s not a very nice way to address your date...” He began, pulling his arm from around his back and stretching out towards her, his hand holding a single pink rose, “dumb-ass.” How he’d managed to pull a ‘date night’ outfit out of the bag without having access to his room baffled her, but it didn’t take too much of her thought, it simply just left her stumped for words - which is something she wasn't often. “You look incredible” He continued, aware of the silence from her, but instead of pointing out and making a deal about it, he prompted her.

“So do you” She smiled, reaching and taking the rose in one hand, filling the void with her own fingers. He welcomed her gesture, but instead of pulling her in like he normally would, he simple raised her hand and placed a sweet, gentle kiss on the back of her hand which only made her giddy with butterflies. 

“Care to join me downstairs?” He smiled, not letting go of her hand and holding it as if he had no other choice. She nodded, feeling nothing but warmth and first date nerves - although it was far from their first date. They chatted on their way down the stairs, Shawn one step below her at all times, making sure he was her weight - he knew high heels were not her strong point. They were most definitely his weakest when it came to seeing them on her. 

Some dumb joke he told her on the way into the kitchen made her belly chuckle, almost that much she didn’t see that vast amount of candles and decoration surrounding the dining table that sat adjacent to the open planned kitchen. The white, marble table was covered in tea lights, illuminating the room bar the under cupboard lights shining from the kitchen. A small gift bag was sat in what would be her normal seat. The seat where she'd eaten many a breakfast, cried and laughed uncountable times and on the odd occasion, ridden Shawn until they both physically couldn’t move. “What... I... How?” 

He turned around to face her once he’d realised she’d stopped walking and began walking backwards, watching her speechless features taking in every little detail. “If we can’t go for date night, I'll bring date night to you” he shrugged, eventually reaching her chair and pulling it out for her before ushering to have a seat. 

The next few moments were spent opening the bottle of wine, which she was grateful for, and both of them getting back to as normal as can be. “Thank you” She interrupted his story on how he’d tried to do something fancy with some asparagus but of course it failed miserably. 

“What for?” He laughed, placing the white wine back into the wine colour and lifting her glass towards her, prompting her to do that same. She obliged happily, and the room was filled with the sound of a clink. 

“This, it’s beautiful” 

“Beautiful setting for a beautiful lady” He took a large sip of his wine, as if he needed the liquid courage, to which unbeknown to her, he did. He laughed nervously, and she instantly knew he was up to something, because the Shawn she knew only shuffled around on his feet and lingered for 2 seconds too long when he was waiting for something to happen. “God, I was going to wait until after dinner but, can I ask you something?”

Bingo. 

“Anything” She smiled, using her heeled foot to push out his chair for him, realising that if he didn’t sit down soon he’d probably end up on the floor. He couldn’t cope with it; the sexiness, mixed with the politeness, mixed with the bare leg that he so desperately wanted wrapped around his neck. He snapped himself away from that thought, picking up the small bag he’d place on her place mat, fiddling with the tiny bow that was on the string. “So, it’s occurred to me, these past few weeks have been awful for many people and I wish nothing but the best for everyone...” He felt himself beginning to babble so took another sip of his drink. “But for me, it’s been an eye opener.”

She stared at his lips when he talking, “oh?” she asked, her heart beating ten to the dozen. 

“I’ve enjoyed every single second of you being here. Even when you leave your socks all over the bedroom floor, or use a different glass every time you have a drink of water or... you’re just annoying actually” He laughed, resulting a light slap on the arm from her. “But seriously, I can’t imagine you not being here anymore and I'm so happy this whole thing hit when it did and not when I was halfway across the world and couldn’t travel to you.” His hands were clammy, his head was fuzzy and his mouth was dry - even with his third large gulp of wine. To most people it would be no big deal, but to him, the question meant everything. It meant he may have to deal with the rejection he’s had to deal with many times before, it meant he would have someone to wake up too in the night when his anxiety was unsettling him, it meant he’d finally found someone he knew understood him. “I don’t want you to go...”

“Go? I’m not going anywhere. We haven’t eaten yet and I'm hung...”

“Move in with me?”

--

“So, maybe now you’ll have to rearrange the wardrobes again and make some room for yourself?” he cooed, with a hint of smugness in his voice. Not that he was smug 2 hours ago when he was shaking like a leaf over asking her to move in. She was finishing putting the pots away, even though he insisted not to do it, she insisted she’d like to wake up tomorrow and not have to think about doing it. He helped... by pouring more wine. 

“Hmmm... I'm not too sure you know” She giggled, throwing the cloth down onto the counter and turning around, her high heels clicking against the floor as she did so. She was feeling happy, tipsy, grateful, everything she always felt when she was in his presence. 

“Reckon I could help you be sure about that” She knew he was feeling the influence of the wine because he has a constant smirk on his face now. Not that she minded; he looked sexy. He used his foot to push himself off the bar stool that he was half sitting on, half standing against. 

“Oh yeah?” She asked, raising her eyebrows as she watched his tall, thick figure walk towards her until he was eventually overpowering her much shorter frame. He placed an arm either side of her, officially blocking her in. 

He was close enough that she could feel his every breath, even more so when his head dipped down and his lips lingered just millimetres away from her own. He hovered there for a second, until he physically couldn't resist finally tasting her. She was more than accommodating to him, falling straight into his trap like putty, just like always. Her hands unwrapped from around her own body and snaked around his, palms smoothing over his soft shirt. She smiled against the kiss as her fingers fiddled with the belt loops on the back of his trousers, which only made him itch closer. He kept one hand on the kitchen counter, whilst the other glided up her body until it reached around the back of her neck, grabbing a handful of her of her perfectly curled hair. With one sudden tug, her head is forced backwards, leaving a welcoming amount of skin accentuated. Her eyes remained closed, taking in every sense other than sight. 

She could smell his deep cologne; a mixture of juicy and spicy with an innocent hint of vanilla that oozed sexuality. Hers? Hers has base notes of patchouli, mixed with a hint of jasmine and was one of the only scents he loved more than that damn vanilla pumpkin body butter. She could hear and feel his lips, effortlessly at work, sucking lightly at the skin around her collar bone as if he was tracing the positioning of her perfume. The sound of his lips smacking her skin was enough to make her weak at the knees and she was eternally grateful that he was somewhat supporting her body. But most of all, she could feel his love. His passion. The energy overpowered the room and she wanted to be held captive in it forever.

His soft but husky groan snapped her out of her dreamy state just in time to hear him speak quietly. “Turn around”, he instructed, moving both hands to her hips to guide her 180 degrees. She obeyed him without question, submissive to his every demand. One hand remained on her hip, the other pressing on her shoulder blade, that was only a fraction covered by the spaghetti strap of her dress, in an eagerness to get her bent over the counter. He made sure to push up against her ass, the hardness that was growing in his trousers pushing into her. If she wasn’t wet for him before, she definitely was now. 

The ruched fabric of her dress fell perfectly over her peachy ass and if he wasn’t so ready to fuck her senseless he'd take a step back and stare at her all night long. Her dress had risen up as she leaned over the counter, giving a peak of some lacy underwear he’d picked out and bought for her on a previous occasion. His hand reached around the front of her legs, firmly resting on the front of her thigh, his thumb tracing patterns on the inner part. He could hear her breathe getting deeper and needier. So he gave her exactly what she wanted and shifted his hand further up, bring the material of her dress with it until it ended up just below her stomach. 

His other hand kneaded at her ass in-between gripping her hip for support. His busy hand toyed with the top hem of those lace panties that he loved ever so dearly. “Shawn...” She exhaled, pressing her head to the marble countertop in frustration. The ass-hand left her hip, reaching up and grabbing a section of her hair just like it had done earlier on in the evening. A gentle tug gave her no choice but to follow the direction of his strength and turn her neck to face his still-smirking features. 

“Patience, baby” He cooed, knees bending slightly for his hand on her thigh to be able to reach exactly where he wanted. Before she knew it, his fingers were no longer toying with the hem of her panties, but filling them instead. Moving down to her sweet, desperate folds was all she needed to let out a loud groan that echoed throughout the kitchen. She was wet, needy for the touch of his skin on hers. Two fingers stroked the entrance of her, whilst his thumb only just toying with her clit, instaltaniously making her twitch in tune with her groaning. He was toying with her and she knew it, but she couldn’t help but whine and plead for more. He gave her more of what she wanted, rubbing harder on her clit and pushing the tips of his fingers into her folds, rubbing at her juices. 

He swiftly removed his hand, wanted to feel more; taste more. Before she knew, he’d tugged her around to face him again and she loved the way he had the strength to move her body without her having to think about a single thing. His hands on her hips, grasped tight and she knew what he wanted and of course, went along, jumping onto the kitchen counter, automatically wrapping her legs around his waist in an attempt to pull him closer. “Are we really gonna do this in your kitchen?” She giggle, innocently, making his cock twitch. 

“Our kitchen, my love...”

[starkeristheendgame]

Do you take prompts? Because I would love to read something about prof!tony or prof!peter giving an online lecture while the other one sucks his dick under the table 🥺

This was a hella *chefs kiss* prompt and honestly, thank you so much for bringing this to me. I loved writing this and I had so many ideas! Big love to the Discorders or listened to me ramble and brainstorm. Prof!Tony railing his twinky little husband's throat? Sign me up. The POV varies throughout.

TW: Choking | Hair pulling | Exhibitionism/Voyeurism | Mild Daddy kink

Watching Peter sleep was one of Tony's favourite parts of being married. Peter looked so soft and so young, peaceful and golden in the morning light. He was a pillow hog, but that was fine by Tony. It encouraged him to actually get out of bed. He still wanted to shake his younger self for agreeing to morning lectures.

Peter looked serene and unbearably soft as he lay there, nose pushed up a little against the rich blue pillowcase, legs wrapped loosely around Tony’s own as he blinked away the sleepiness. He’d woken up a few minutes before his alarm and had turned it off before it woke his partner. His engineering students had an upcoming online test, and he’d agreed to host a lecture over Zoom while the University was closed for extermination after a bunch of insects and rats from the Biology lab escaped.

Tony shuffled a little closer, sliding across the bed to press their cheeks together, tipping his head so he could brush a soft kiss to the smooth roundness of Peter’s cheek. Sometimes he envied the boy his age - All soft skin and lithe muscle, not a laugher line or grey hair to be found in comparison to Tony’s crinkled eyes and the grey that streaked from temple to temple.

He kissed him again, just on the slope of his brow, then the corner of his little mouth, where it was lax and parted. He let his fingertips trail Peter’s arm gently, loathe to wake him up but knowing that the moment he’d try to get up, he’d be roused anyway. He kissed him again, a little firmer, hand skimming Peter’s side and flank and the boy breathed in a little deeper, shifting to nuzzle closer.

“Good morning” Tony murmured into his cheek, scraping the rasp of his stubble along Peter’s jaw as the boy’s lashes fluttered, then lifted.

“Ugh, no. I can already sense its too early” Peter grumbled, but his eyes were shining as he turned his head, catching Tony’s mouth in a languid, slow kiss. It was as deep as it was sleepy, and Tony sucked Peter’s bottom lip briefly, skimming it with his teeth before he pulled away. If he let the boy sink his claws in now, he’d never make it to the lecture. Peter’s hand slid from the pillow to cup his jaw, thumb stroking over the edge of his stubble before it moved up, sliding into Tony’s messy bed-head and gripping, pulling him back down with a smirk.

Vixen, Tony thought, but he let the boy manhandle him into another kiss, biting his tongue in retaliation for being so sly before he pulled away again. “I only have fifteen minutes before the lecture” he reminded his husband softly, and Peter’s gaze was devilish.

“Aren’t old men supposed to cum quickly?” He teased, and Tony growled at him, raising a hand to land a swat to a pert, round asscheek.

“Brat” he informed his husband sternly, though he was smiling as he took his hand, pressing a soft kiss to the diamond ring that glittered below his knuckle. The boy alternated between wearing it on his hand and on a necklace, and it still made Tony feel warm all over to see it. To know Peter was his. He moved to rise, and Peter came after him again, pressing him down into the mattress by the chest, slinging a leg over him and crawling atop his body.

“Daddy’s brat” Peter reminded him, hips rolling in a lazy, gentle thrust. The boy was almost always hard in the morning, and his slender length nudged at Tony’s bare hip, riding the jut of the muscle before he settled his hands on Peter’s hips, stilling him with a squeeze and a gentle kiss to the cheek, before he threw the boy aside like throwing off the covers.

“Brats are always in need of an exercise in patience. Consider this one” he offered, flashing his husband a smile and a wink as he darted to his feet and out of reach. He lamented it, but he knew it was the only way he’d be presentable and ready in time for his lecture. He shuffled through making a coffee and brushing his teeth, scarfing down an apple and a peach for a quick breakfast before he roamed back into the bedroom.

Peter was sprawled atop the sheets when he walked for the closet, scrolling through his phone and looking a little more awake. He’d brushed his teeth judging by the white smear on his shirt collar, and Tony shook his head fondly as he pulled on a loose pair of slacks and a white shirt. He wasn’t going to make too much of an effort, but he also wasn’t going to make the mistake of thinking nobody could tell he wasn’t wearing any pants.

“It should only be an hour, sweetheart. Try not to die of boredom while I’m gone” he teased his husband, leaning down to press a soft, fond kiss to his forehead. He didn’t trust Peter with a kiss to the mouth, and he hurried from the room before the boy could make any pitiful protests, moving to the office space they’d converted the empty second bedroom into. He’d actually made good time, and he was settled and ready by the time the first few students popped into the Zoon call. None had made the same effort - Rumpled and sleepy and several still clearly in bed.

They talked idly as more students began to file in, and when Tony had done a count and had his full fifteen, he settled them down and loaded up the shared files, delving straight in. They went through various topics one by one, covering what each student felt insecure on. Half an hour passed quicker than he’d expected, and he looked up to find Peter in the doorway, brandishing a fresh coffee and motioning for him to take a pause.

“Alright, guys. We’ve done well so far. Lets take a quick break. Everyone come back in five minutes, okay?” He told them, and disconnected his camera and audio. He double-checked it, then pushed his chair back from the desk a little, curling an arm around Peter’s hips as he accepted the coffee held out for him with an appreciative groan. “Ugh, thank you, honey. I needed this” he admitted, leaning his head into Peter’s soft tummy, breathing in their mixed scent from his shirt.

“Mm, do you have to go back to them?” Peter asked, voice husked and low as he set Tony’s fresh mug aside and cradled his head, tugging teasingly at the hair near his nape. Tony groaned and tipped his head back, ready to tell his little slut to be patient, when Peter stooped and kissed the words from his mouth, like he knew what Tony was about to do. Tony sighed into his mouth, but accepted it, grunting when Peter shuffled to stand between his knees, hands braced on his thighs as he coaxed his mouth open.

“You - Shit. I only - Gave them - Five minutes” Tony managed between kisses, pulling away when Peter’s need to breathe gave him the opportunity. He risked a glance at the clock. Three minutes. And then Peter’s mouth was on his neck, suckling, licking, and his hand found its way into Peter’s hair unbidden, threading through the dark curls as he tipped his head. “No marks” he warned, trailing a hand up and down Peter’s side.

“Mm, I know” Peter responded against his skin, moving down to push aside his shirt collar to get at the sculped bone beneath, teeth sinking in just enough to slightly redden the flesh before he moved, sinking to his knees.

“Uh, uh. Come on, darling. I’ve gotta help them, they have a test. I can’t do the old ‘dropped connection’ this time” Tony sighed, hands moving to Peter’s shoulders to try and coax him back to his feet as their time rapidly ran out. It would probably look suspicious as it was, and his gaze was on the clock when Peter's mouth closed over his cock through his slacks, wet and warm as he laved his tongue from balls to tip. He heaved a breath, felt his traitor of s cock twitch in interest.

"Peter" he warned, because he knew instantaneously where this was going. Peter had always had a thing for Tony’s profession, and he’d lost count of how many times it had made its way into the bedroom with them. Roleplaying, Tony using Peter as stress relief after classes, the way that Peter whimpered Professor Stark between mewls.

Peter simply tipped his head to blink up at him, demure and sultry both as he settled under the desk on his knees, arms wrapping around Tony’s thighs firmly as an indication he wasn’t going anywhere as he closed his lips over where Tony’s sensitive tip lay against his thigh, suckling until the fabric of his slacks was sopping. Tony hissed a breath, looking up at his computer screen/ Most of his students were back.

Objectively, he knew this was wrong. Morally and legally both; and yet…

“Do not give me any regrets about this, Pete” he warned, voice low and promising, both as part of the ‘game’ and a subtle reminder of the very heavy real-life implications this could have. Peter’s only response was to slid his fingers up Tony’s thighs and to the zipper, dragging it down. Tony took a deep, steeling breath, adjusted himself in his seat, smoothed his hair, and hit the buttons for his audio and camera.

“Alright, munchkins. We all here? Where’s Alex? Someone text him. Okay, let’s begin from where we left off” Tony greeted them, putting careful energy into making his smile relaxed and normal as Peter shuffled between his thighs and reached into his slacks, slender fingers wrapping around his hardening cock to draw it out into the open. The cool air made him stiffen, and his gaze raked his screen for any hint  of exposure. But all he saw was himself from the upper torso and onwards, staring back at himself.

As Tony kept talking, Peter ducked down under the desk, closing his pursed lips around the flared, soft tip of Tony’s cock to suckle there, tongue curling around it before dipping briefly into the slit. His mouth was soft and wet and warm and Tony knew it wouldn’t be long before his cock was truly into it, hard and flushed and leaking under Peter’s skilled touch. He shifted a little, easing his hips forwards as Peter lapped at him and let his teeth just barely scrape the skin there.

“Yes, Sheena?” He asked tersely, when one of the girls waggled her hand at the camera in a signal for his attention. As she spoke, he could feel Peter hollow his cheeks, sliding down on his length. Inch by inch he was enveloped into sloppy, warm suction and he ground his teeth, shifting on his seat again. Peter’s hand moved to press down on his thigh, a signal to sit still, and the other hand curled back around the base of his cock, thumb rubbing at the sensitive groove between his length and his balls.

Peter gave a gentle huff against him as he talked, relaxing his throat as he swallowed Tony right down until his lower lip was pressed against his balls, tongue firm and soft against the underside. He didn't suck or hollow his cheeks, just let Tony's cock rest there in the plush warmth of his throat. Tony did his best to focus on his student, clicking through several files to help answer her question.

After a short while, Peter began to slowly slide off his cock, up to the tip where he suckled softly, laving his tongue in flat, firm strokes around the spongy tip. He licked into the slit and closed his lips over the head, massaging it with his lips and bobbing his head almost like sucking on a popsicle. He made faint sounds, but they were hopefully too quiet for anyone to pick up on. Nobody looked suspicious or asked, regardless.

And then Peter was sucking him down again, cheeks hollowed and swallowing him like he was trying to suck Tony's soul out through his cock. Tony moved his hands to grip the edge of the desk, nails biting into the pine. Peter could suck dick like a top-grade pornstar when he wanted to, and today was one of those days, cheeks soft and tight against his cock, tongue flexing in little strokes, swallowing so his throat caressed and squeezed the tip of his cock. Tony ground his teeth and shifted, slipping one hand slowly from the desk top to reach under it.

Peter grasped his wrist as he searched blindly, guiding his fingertips to the corner of his mouth where Tony's cock disappeared into his throat. It was were either drool there and Tony rubbed at it gently before sliding his hand up, fisting Peter's curls and gripping tight, forcing the boy down another inch until his little body hitched with a gag.

"Mr. Stark?" Tony blinked, and realised he'd been staring intently at the screen, but not actually listening. He let go of Peter's hair, itched his side as an excuse for his lowered arm, and offered the student who'd spoken an apologetic smile as Peter began to Bob his head vigorously.

"Sorry, I just realised I forgot to pick up milk the other day. My husband will be fuming when he wakes up. Again, my apologies. Where was I?" The lie came easy and sweet through his teeth, layered with a sweet smile that made the girl quirk her lips in return, before she began to read out the practise question she was struggling with. Tony did his best to ignore the pooling warmth and pleasure in his gut, listening closely.

Peter, not to be forgotten, dragged his nails down the insides of Tony's thighs before he moved one hand to his balls, smearing the drool pooled there before he cupped them, kneading as he slid himself up and down Tony's cock. Tony could feel the slow warmth of more drool dripping down his cock as Peter swallowed and gagged a little, throat impaled. Tony sucked in a breath, the corner of his mouth twitching as he reached up, rubbed at his jaw, muffled a moan on a cough. He slouched a little in his seat so he could nudge his hips up, fucking shallowly, carefully into Peter’s mouth.

His husband let his jaw go slack around his cock, keeping just enough suction for it to be a welcoming hole to fuck into. Tony kept careful attention on his students, focused hard on his voice so it would come out sedate and even as he reached down, grasping a quick handful of soft hair and dragging Peter down as far as he could go onto his cock, holding him there as he writhed. Peter whimpered just loud enough that Tony winced and braced himself, but his students were none the wiser.

It was almost too hard to ignore it now - The steady, hot pleasure that had his thighs tense, his cock hard and flushed. Peter gave a soft gurgle around his cock as he raised his hips and pulled him down, forcing his cock as deep into that soft hole as he could, before he relented and let his husband go. He risked a glance downwards, and regretted it instantly. Peter’s cheeks were flushed, from one across his nose to the other, his eyes were a little glossy and his lips were dark and swollen, drool dripping from the lower one to the carpet.

Tony gave a low groan then masked it with another cough, forcing himself to look back up as Peter drove down on his cock, sucking like he was trying to pull a golfball through a garden hose. Tony let his hips buck carefully up into the wet heat, eyes unfocusing a little as he tensed his legs and bit his lip in order to fight the urge to fuck until he emptied his load into Peter’s willing mouth.He bit his tongue, hard, let himself fuck slowly, inch by inch into Peter’s mouth. He could feel his balls tight and heavy, knew it wouldn’t be too long. He risked another glance down, watched his cock sliding in and out, watching a little bead of pre-cum and drool slip from the corner of Peter’s mouth.

He looked up at his screen, finding the digital numbers of the clock. Peter had been on his knees for almost twenty minutes, drooling and gagging himself on Tony’s cock. The older Professor inhaled sharply as Peter closed his lips tight again, sucking Tony’s dick almost furiously, and he gave his students a brittle smile, waving a hand.

“Alright! Okay. I think we’re gonna - Yep. We’re gonna call it here. Now. You’ve all done well and I-I’m...Pleased. Email me if you have any more questions. Spend the next 48 hours studying, please” and with a final wave, he cut the connection before any of them could argue. He could feel the vibrations around his cock as Peter giggled, could hear the wet slurp as he began to pull off and he spread his thighs, reaching down to grab the boy forcefully by the hair, to dragging him down and stuffing his cock deep into his throat.

“You greedy little whore” he breathed, watching as Peter scrabbled at his thighs, lashes fluttering as he choked on Tony’s length. “Look at you, couldn’t even wait. Had to risk it all for a cock in your mouth” he softened it to fondness as he spoke, letting up on Peter’s hair so his husband could pull off enough to suck in a breath through his nose. Tony didn’t allow him much reprieve, nudging his hips up and down in shallow thrusts.

Tony let himself moan freely now, uttering a deep, guttural one as Peter swallowed and whimpered around him, making a wet noise as Tony jerked his hips up, felt Peter’s throat forced open around his cock. He let his head fall back, threading his fingers gently through Peter’s hair before he tightened his grip again, holding the boy steady as he fucked up into his throat. Peter made a punched, breathy sound and gripped at his thighs for purchase, head tilting for better access.

He used Peter’s mouth as little more than a warm fleshlight, teeth grinding as he fucked up into it, cutting off Peter’s mewls with a wet sound. The loaded spring of his orgasm was tight and heavy in his gut, building steadily, and he looked down at Peter, sliding one hand gently around his throat to feel the muscles bulge and flex as he hauled the boy onto his cock, thrusting deep into his throat, growling as his balls pulled tight against Peter’s lip, his cock twitched hard, and then he could feel himself cum, could feel the pulse of his cock against Peter’s mouth as creamy cum spilled down the back of his tongue.

It was a well stoked orgasm, a smooth wave of pleasure that rolled through him, made his eyes roll slightly as he ground into Peter’s open mouth, fucked his cum deeper until the boy convulsed a little, snorting a strained breath. When his cock had stopped pulsing and the pleasure had died to a gentle lull he relaxed his grip, let his cock slide out of Peter’s mouth. It was soaked wet with drool, smearing against his shirt when it flopped from between his lips, but Tony couldn’t find it in himself to care, looking down at his flushed, thoroughly fucked husband. Peter blinked up at him with smug demureness, lips shiny and dark like cherries, cheeks flushed, pupils blown. He made a pretty picture that way, wrecked between Tony’s legs.

“You’re gonna lick me clean, sweetheart, and then you’re gonna get to the bed, face down and ass up” he instructed him sweetly, reaching down to cup Peter’s cheek and stroke it tenderly. “And the next time I have an online class, you’re gonna sit right back there and keep my cock wet until I’m ready to use you again”.

[hermionemonica]

The Road to Us, and Everything in Between: Chapter 2

(This is a no magic AU. There is no existence of the Miraculous or the superheroes in this universe.)

AO3 | Chapter 1 | Chapter 3 

As time went on, Marinette felt distances creeping between her and Nathaniel. They still talked to each other over calls, texting and social media, and even met up with each other every once in a while. But all that grew more and more seldom. And for Marinette, this felt different. Of course, her affections for Nathaniel still remained unchanged, but it felt kind of liberating to not have his presence constantly looming over her life. And with the alone time Marinette now had away from Nathaniel, she found herself constantly rethinking her life and decisions. About what she chose, about what could have been.

Marinette had always had a habit of talking to herself. Now every time she felt herself falling into dejection, she would whisper to herself over and over, “I chose this. This is my life now. This is what my life will be from now.” That did wonders to push the fears and insecurities to the back of her mind.  

But as days passed, it started to get harder and harder. After all, it is an inexplicable pain to see the one you love right in front of you, be with them, all the time knowing that they'll never be yours. Being around him didn’t do anything to help her move on from him, even if she tried.  

Gradually, the secrets and the pretences began to take a toll on her. And with the new university and her fashion courses, it was all too much for her. She felt herself giving in to the pressure. Designing or baking did not work their therapy on her anymore. And the first thing she did when things started getting bad was slowly cut off Nathaniel. Not that she wanted to. It was just she couldn't trust herself to not explode in front of him. And after everything the boy had been through, the last thing he'd want was the only person he trusted to go off on her. So the only solution that she saw was to stay away from him. Only, she could not come up with an appropriate excuse. The poor boy kept asking her what was wrong, but Marinette would say she was fine. Until one day she snapped.  

Marinette was having a particularly rough day, after she had accidentally dropped her sketchbook, which held her designs that she had been working so hard on, right into the waters of the Seine. She had retrieved them, of course, but her work of weeks was ruined. She had shut herself in her room and decided to bury herself in her designs till she redrew them. It probably wouldn’t be as perfect as the originals, but she needed to submit something the next day to pass the class.

Unfortunately, Nathaniel chose that very evening to call her. Marinette ignored his calls and messages for a while, till the alert sounds were getting on her nerves. She finally picked up the phone and asked, “What is it, Nate?”  

If she sounded grumpy or bitter, Nathaniel obviously did not notice it as he went on a ramble about how a cute guy on the subway had complimented him on his blazer.  

“And this is what was so important that you called me for like, 17 times?” Marinette cut him off mid-rant.  

That was when it registered in Nathaniel's mind. “Uh, I thought you'd like to know,” Nathaniel spoke nervously.  

“Maybe I would, but not everyone necessarily has the time for this! Take the hint when I wasn't answering your calls or replying to your texts.” Marinette replied acidly.  

“What is wrong Mari?” Nathaniel sounded concerned.  

“Why does something have to be wrong?” Marinette was beginning to lose her temper. “It just happens that you don't seem to realise that some people might have more important stuff going on than just a random guy complimenting you on your clothes!”  

When there had come no reply from the other end, Marinette quickly disconnected the call and switched her phone off. She had too much on her hands at the moment.  

Marinette had fallen asleep at her table, sometime in the middle of the night. In the wee hours of the morning, she woke up to find a string of messages from Nathaniel, which he had sent right after the phone call the previous night.  

“So, this is it? I... I don't matter anymore? It’s okay, Marinette, I get it. I was just an unnecessary burden that you were carrying around although you didn't have to. This had to end sometime, right? After all, we both know very well that I'll never be able to give you what you want. I am only holding you back from everything that you could have, everything that you deserve. I'm sorry for everything Mari, I hope you can forgive me. Take care Marinette, and be happy. I promise I won't bother you anymore. Goodbye.”  

Marinette had not seen this coming. She couldn't deny that she had been a bit too harsh in her words the previous night, but was it that bad? Had she made it sound like she didn't want Nathaniel to be around her? She tried to remember what exactly she had said, but to her anguish, all of it was a blur. In exasperation, she kicked against the side of her desk, only to wince back in pain immediately afterwards. Surely, the voice in her head kept saying, this can't be happening. Nathaniel wouldn't just leave just because Marinette had said some harsh words, right? Their relationship was too above that, of course! After everything they had been through together, a little miscommunication couldn't possibly be what would break it! Over and over she read Nathaniel's texts, trying to make something out of it, something less painful. She tried to read between the lines, desperately trying to convince herself that it wasn't happening.  

The only reason she dragged herself out of her house an hour later was because she had to submit the designs that day. And the only reason she had left her phone without replying to Nathaniel was because she was scared that she might mess it up further.  

Three agonising hours later, Marinette sat in the cafeteria. Anger coursed through her. Anger at Nate, anger at herself, anger at the stupid deadline! As she desperately tried to reign in her temper, because that was what had caused the entire mess in the first place, she found herself regretting her decision to leave her phone at home. At least she could have called Alya and talked to her. At one point of time, Marinette had been glad that no one from her old school was in the same university as her, because then she could put everything behind her and start her life without the lies. It didn’t seem that convenient anymore. She wished she could talk to someone, anyone, right now. But since there was no way to do that, she went back to sipping on her iced tea to soothe her nerves.  

“Are you okay?” said a voice from behind Marinette, as a hand was laid on her shoulder.  

Before Marinette could turn around, the intruder came into her range of vision as he seated himself at her table.  

It was Adrien, and he was looking at her with concern in his emerald hands. Did she really look that terrible? Marinette asked herself. More importantly, what could she answer to Adrien, when he didn't even know anything about Nathaniel? But then again, she was stuck in the university for at least two more hours, without a phone and no one but Adrien to talk to. Adrien was the only friend she had for now, and Marinette felt she would combust from the stress if she didn't talk sometime soon. Sure, once she figured out how to begin.  

“It's umm... you know, about this boy,” she struggled through her words.  

Immediately, Adrien perked up. “Boy? Crush? Ex? Boyfriend?”  

Marinette felt a smile creep up onto her face in spite of herself. “Let's not use any labels, okay? It’s a bit too complicated for that,” she clarified.  

Adrien wiped the silly grin off his face and looked on with interest, silently urging her to continue.  

“So we had kind of an argument last night, and I may have been a bit rude to him. In my defence though, I was stressed beyond limits. And this morning, I woke up to a bunch of texts from him, saying that... that,” Marinette faltered. How do you put that into words?  

Luckily, Adrien seemed to have understood what she was trying to say. “That he’s leaving you for good,” Adrien offered.  

“Exactly,” explained Marinette. “Except that I meant nothing like that and he took it all the wrong way and he thinks I want to get rid of him and oh so I feel so angry at him right now because after all this time how could he misunderstand such a simple thing and I-”  

“Woah there,” Adrien interrupted. “Slow down. Maybe drink a bit more of that drink you've got there.”  

“Iced tea,” murmured Marinette, “soothes my nerves.”  

That was when she realised that her hands were shaking so badly that she could not even hold the glass in her hand. And on the top of that, a pounding began in her head.  

As she clutched her head in her hands, Adrien reached over. “Hey, are you okay? Do you need anything?” he asked.  

But Marinette could not hear him over the incessant buzzing in her ears. Breathing had never felt so difficult, it was as if something was blocking her trachea.  

Adrien could see Marinette gasping for breath, and shaking uncontrollably, and it scared him. What was happening to this girl? It took him a moment to snap out of his fixation, but then he got up and picked Marinette up in his arms, rushing to the nurse's office, ignoring all the odd looks he could feel on him in the corridors.  

The nurse injected a mild tranquillizer into Marinette's blood. It took effect pretty soon, and soon Marinette had drifted off into a dreamless slumber.  

“It looks like your friend over here has had an anxiety attack,” the nurse explained to Adrien. “Is she under medications for such attacks?”  

Adrien simply looked on with bewilderment.  

Either he is too stressed out to comprehend my words right now, thought the nurse, or he seriously has never heard of an anxiety attack. Deciding on the former, she went on, more gently, “Has she ever had spells like this before?”  

Adrien looked down, his expression guilty. “I-I don't know. I don't spend much time with her.”  

The nurse shook her head. “Well, I am guessing by how freaked out she was when you brought her in that she is as unacquainted with these attacks as you are, young man. Whatever be it, I need to contact her parents. Marinette Dupain-Cheng, you said?” The nurse asked as she scrolled through the student records on her computer.  

Adrien nodded.  

“I assure you that your friend will be okay, you may take your leave if you have classes you need to be at now.”  

Adrien took a glance at his watch. His class had started fifteen minutes ago. Since he was late anyway...  

“No,” he confidently lied to the nurse. “I don't have any classes for another hour.”  

“Fine,” obliged the nurse. “Do keep the young lady company while I go call up her parents.” Adrien silently sank down on the edge of the bed Marinette was asleep on. As he stared at her face, he noticed how ill she looked. The colour had faded from her cheeks, and dark bags hung under her eyes. What could have been so terrible that upset this amazing girl like this?  

Marinette's parents came in some time later. Adrien noticed the stark difference in their appearances. While Marinette's mother, who looked and dressed Chinese, was a small woman like her daughter, Marinette's father could aptly be called a giant of a man. They seemed like very nice people, by the way they talked to the nurse. Mrs Cheng assured the nurse that her daughter did not have any history of anxiety attacks. In that case, the nurse advised them, they should get their daughter a professional check-up at the earliest. They thanked the woman for her help and turned to leave.  

As Mrs Cheng left the room with her daughter leaning onto her, still not quite awake, Mr Dupain stopped at the door. He turned to look at Adrien standing there, and Adrien couldn't help but be intimidated. But Mr Dupain had the kindest of expressions on his face as he grabbed Adrien's hand and firmly shook it. “Thank you for taking care of my little girl,” he whispered gratefully.  

Adrien was surprised to know that the huge man could speak in so low a voice. “It was a pleasure,” he smiled in acknowledgement.  

After he left, Adrien wondered if he had even done anything that special to receive such warm gratitude. “Taking care of” Mr Dupain had said. Funny, thought Adrien, for anyone would probably have done the same if a friend went through something like that in front of them. Nevertheless, Adrien decided that the Dupain-Chengs were probably affectionate people by blood.  

[storyteller-inn]

And here is the second part for @holmes-the-meddler's request. I hope it will be satisfying, my sweet!

P.S. I'm really sorry for the delay, but work got in the way >.< ◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇

PART II [Part I]

Quite unsurprisingly, for Bofur it felt like love at first sight when a young bard like you joined the company. An artistic kind of love, of course, that soon developed however in a fast-growing and long-lasting friendship. He was the one that kept close and encouraged you when everyone else seemed to be in everything but the mood for music, the one to always manage to put a smile on you. There was no describing the wonderful melodies the two of you could play together, you with your trusted lute and him with his ever-present flute. And that time, after Thorin's umpteenth scolding, when you felt the impulse of just throwing your beloved instrument down in the river? «Hey!» Bofur had interrupted you, just one second before your hand let go of the lute. «Hold on, my dear, that is no way to waste a good instrument!». Without asking questions, he had given you his handkerchief so that you could wipe away those angry tears, and sat down by you for the rest of the evening. «You are one of us, Y/N» he had whispered sweetly, «And so is your music. More than any of the others could ever realize».

It was always somewhat difficult for you to understand whether Bifur liked your music, barely tolerated it or simply couldn't stand it. After all, the dwarf only communicated through disconnected Kuzdul words - completely unknown to you - and some confused hand gestures. It took some time, lots of riding together and sitting around the campfire, but finally, one evening, you did notice it. And even if he stopped the moment he saw you looking, his foot bouncing along the rhythm of your lute was an image you would treasure forever in your memories.

Bombur was, for you, one of the sweetest among the dwarves. Despite being someone of a few words, there was no misunderstanding his kind smiles and friendly pats on the back. You would often giggle, seeing how he shook his body to your music while he was cooking, and you couldn't help but planting a kiss on his cheek every time he would secretly bring you the best slice of cheese or cuts of meat - to which he would reply with a wink, while trying to hide the red of his face behind his beard.

Probably the most elusive dwarf of the Company, Nori decided you were not much of interest once he verified that your lute - or anything else in your possession - was of no real value on the market. Regardless, as time passed and miles of road together went by, he could not avoid but feel somewhat protective of you, the same way he was of his brother Ori. He also "found" you a bunch of new chords for your lute, after your unfortunate encounter with the trolls. «Oh Nori, thank you! These are exactly what I needed!» you had squealed with happiness, «But where did you find them?». «Oh, no need to worry about that my dear» he had playfully scoffed, only to then whisper to himself «Those harps in Rivendell had too many anyway».

It took some time for Dori to stop imagining what kind of awful scenarios your playing music would bring upon the Company. «By now, someone ought to have heard us travelling already» he had complained once «And they probably have sold our exact location for a pretty good price. Mahal knows how many enemies are on our traces already». «Master Dori,» Gandalf had coughed «I can assure you that if the bard's music hasn't attracted indiscreet eyes, your constant rambling has done the trick by now». After that episode, Dori had kept the complaining to himself, but ultimately content about the effect your melodies had on his younger brother Ori. Not that he would have ever admitted it.

You and Bilbo had some sort of friendly understanding from the very beginning. You had some things in common, after all: both of you enjoyed a simple life, made of good food, evenings spent in front of the fireplace and a quiet place to call home. Both of you had been, well... dragged into this quest. And both of you also felt out of place, from time to time, despite the rough attempts of the dwarves to achieve the opposite effect. It was easier, for you. Being a bard, singing of adventures and heroes, made you always feel slightly more enthusiastic about your situation, whether it came to camp under the stars or dodge some boulders thrown by the rock giants. But you were also younger, a bit more carefree, while Bilbo dearly missed his home, his routine and could have definitely have managed without Thorin's constant criticism. That is why you knew when the hobbit most needed your help, in the form of a kind word or a song: you understood him, understood his nostalgia for his old life and his feeling of being out of place. But you were always there to remind him of his worth, as he did in turn for you a countless amount of times. And if there was something you were certain of, was that the friendship you built on that trip would have lasted forever.

Gandalf knew, from the moment he heard your music on his way to Bilbo's house, that you were special. There was something about the way you played the lute, something magical, that seemed to tug at chords inside people that would normally be left buried deep. The fact that you also knew songs from the tradition of different races, well, that was just another indication of the peculiar person he has stumbled upon. That is how he decided to bring you with him, at least for the meeting planned at the hobbit's house, to see if that hunch of his would somehow be confirmed. And when, after dinner, you started to sing along the dwarves' choir... Once on the quest, he always appreciated your music: they gave him the chance to relax and to focus on his thoughts, because, oh yes, he had to do a lot of thinking. Thinking about the treasure, the curse. About Thorin and the corruption Radagast had mentioned. About the orcs, and about that ancient song, capable of soothing even the spirit of a dragon...

[thatpinkbetch]

I'm going to answer it this way, because I'm actually not a fan of some of those, and I've heard this is the way to do it if you don't want it ending up in the tag or the search I think? If i censor any of the ship names it's not out of malice! I simply don't want any of this to end up in front of eyes that just want to enjoy their ships 💖💖💖 if there is anyone who doesn't want to see opinions against t*d*d*ku, k*r*b*ku, or even iz**ch*ka, please don't read any further! Oh my goodness i hope this is all legible...

Anyways, hello!! Thank you so much for the ask!! I love talking about my opinion avkvmsocnaocjsoxks it also makes me really happy you like my blog 🥺🥺🥺 (I hope this answer doesn't ruin that avskvneognsocjs)

I'll start out by confirming that I'm not a multishipper. It makes me excited to see how the act of shipping itself can make others happy, but it's just not that way for me. I actually never read fanfic until I got into bnha (bkdk is just that powerful 😁😁) I'm actually...a little serious when i ship, or when i enjoy media, i analyze pretty heavily, so also, if that doesn't sound like anyone's cup of tea, i would once again recommend to stop reading and enjoy your day please!

I love analyzing characters and storylines and dynamics, but i will admit, I'm not a fan of most of the ships - not romantically. I think all the characters have interesting relationships to each other, all of the kids are great friends, and I love bonds and friendships so much 🥺🥺🥺

Those first two are perhaps the biggest, at least they definitely were the biggest when I first entered. Once i caught up, I didn't really understand the enthusiasm, but people have fun shipping, so that's nice! I think of those two as easy ships, if that makes sense? They're pretty simple, and easy to digest.

I personally am not a fan of romantic t*d*d*ku for a very specific reason; it feels weird to me for Todo to immediately fall in love with the first person who's ever shown him kindness (since his mother of course). Todo had never had any friends, nor any want for friends, obviously because of the abuse he faced as a child. Mido was his first exploration at a life outside of his father, a life he got to make for himself, it just doesn't feel right to me that he should immediately think "oh, is this romantic love? Is this the one and only for me?" Well, perhaps a teenager might think that way, but i don't think that's actually how he feels deep down, and I'm sure that's something a lot of us have to learn as we grow (I've definitely struggled with my own understanding of romance for the past 8 years). I think he still is trying to learn how to socialize and to make friends and to be a friend (and he's doing SUCH a good job!) But to immediately plunge into romance, which can be complicated, i don't think that would be right for him. I hope that makes sense! I know they're a very cute ship, which makes for fun! But again, I can be a little serious when i ship...

K*r*b*ku kind of falls into similar territory for me? Baku definitely had friends growing up, but he's seemed to always have trouble understanding his feelings and where he stands with others, causing trust issues. Kiri is really the first person he knew where he stood with, a person for him to be comfortable with and feel on equal ground, which i think is such a huge and positive role in his life, and i don't necessarily think that it needs to be romantic - for both of these, i think these relationships are incredibly important, to everyone involved, and making them romantic doesn't make them any more important!! In fact, i feel like them as friends actually can offer a more complex, interesting, and human dynamic between these characters, as sometimes people simply default to romance and then end up pushing for the same old tropes and ignore all the intricacies Horikoshi includes in his writing.

Again, I love Mido's friendship with Todo, and I love Baku's friendship with Kiri. I think these relationships are incredibly important, and friends are incredibly important. People who ship them are having fun, which is so lovely, and i hope they continue to have fun! I hope you personally find more fics about them that make you smile and brighten your day 💖💖💖

Iz**ch*ka is a little difficult, because they certainly are cute, separately and together. I thought they were cutest before Ura was told about her potential crush on Mido, when she was simply a source of bubbly energy and positivity that helped Mido open up and feel comfortable around other people. I feel though that, romantically, it's extraordinarily one-sided, and at this point, i have to wonder if they really are "end goal." End goal for shounen, of course, is hardly ever explicit ahzovndlfjsoxo but i feel like a better storyline for Horikoshi to take would be for Ura to realize that she's been confused, and these feelings haven't really been a positive experience for her. I've definitely gone through things like that as a teenager. Now, the ship can be very cute! They're basically the same person, and they're cute and bubbly! But again, it simply isn't for me.

I think Momjirou is very cute!! Of course, as a lesbian, i sense strong lesbian vibes from Momo, and strong bi vibes from Jirou, and I also saw the ship potential ever since the USJ attack - which i think, so did everyone else ahaovndofjsojfsk they're best friends without a doubt, though i have to say, i really like Kamijirou. She just makes him so soft, and he's so in awe of her, and she thinks he's so funny, I love how supportive he is of her, especially since she can be really insecure 🥺🥺🥺

I also think Ura and Tsu are very cute but another easy ship, and i kind of really like Ochamina 🥺 they're both pink and space themed, they're bubbly and energetic and kick ass, and i think they'd be super cute...

I saved todobaku for last, because, you know what they say, best for last! 😇😇😇

I've said it before, but if there was no Mido (impossible obviously, and i would never want that) then todobaku is where my heart would lie. Baku has never really been shown chasing after anyone except for Mido...and Todo, which really gets at my heart. There's a grudging respect there - very, very grudging ahakckdkfjskdk which i find very appealing! Todo is very important to Baku and he has also been able to show Baku some things about himself that he needed to question and reevaluate. Meanwhile, Todo puts up with exactly 0% of Baku's shit, which i find absolutely hilarious. It's funny to me how Baku wishes to intimidate Todo as he does everyone else, and Todo simply does not care. And Baku wants to be mad, and ends up mad that he can't be mad since Todo is a strong and worthy opponent. They just have such an interesting chemistry, there's so much friction, so much tension, and I enjoy it, particularly since they clearly should be friends, would be great friends, want to be friends, but Baku simply won't get over it 😂😂 I do prefer them as friends, but friends that are incredibly close, two people that understand each other on almost a telepathic level, two people that give each other shit while also refusing to take the other's shit.

I do agree that many people in this fandom seem to think their ship stands on some moral high ground? It could be a disconnect from the previous generations of fandom, or it could also be the growing mentality on this site that everything needs to be a battle of moral superiority, and also that what you like is part of your personality, and if someone doesn't like what you like, then they don't like you or that they think you're factually incorrect. I personally have stopped going into the bn/ha tag simply because I don't enjoy, well, many things i find there, and I'm happy with those that i follow. I've definitely seen hatred and invalidation for both LGBT ships and m|w ships, neither of which I'm comfortable with. I definitely don't go off tumblr for fandom stuff because there's practically no acceptance for any same gender ships, or any queer headcanoning, which, I'll be honest, makes me scared, as i am a very anxious person avdkvndkfje i do think it should be noted that we should be as accepting of cishet ships as we are of queer ships - no debate on this one - but again, you are right when you say that many cishet headcanons have been used to invalidate LGBT voices, and any and all allies must always be aware of this! It is much more often that queer voices are silenced, that queer ships are ridiculed, that queer shippers aren't allowed to enjoy or see themselves. And to anybody that doesn't want to be an ally... Whelp ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ what are you doing here ajxkvmdogjdicjsicjsodj I'm gay

I haven't really read much of anything recently, let alone other ships, platonic or otherwise, because energy has been low for me for a long time. I wish i could participate more and support all my friends and other fans, but it's been a bit of a struggle 😣😣😣 I'm so sorry! Something that I can do is make posts and analyses and metas, as those are quick and make me excited, so I'm always happy to respond to asks like these! (I say as i take two hours to write this response...)

I hope people have been taking care of themselves and remember that tumblr is really good at letting you cater to your own interests! I hope if you've made it to the end of this response that you enjoyed it, and you're not mad at me ahsovjekgjsocjwodkso if you are, that's fine, I'm sorry, I probably am really bad at social/internet etiquette and such that help you filter 😣😣

To any who are curious, you cannot change my mind ahdogmdocjdidk thank you to whoever sent this ask!!! A lot of this is a bunch of rambling I've always wanted to talk about but was frankly too scared to post! I hope I made sense and answered everything you were asking!! Please have a good day/night/life!!! 💖💖💖💖💖

[blazehedgehog]

Sorry to ask this, but what are your thoughts on Dunky's "I'm Done Making Good Videos" with regards to content you aspire to author vs what the average joe actually searches for

I don’t know if I’m the best person to be asking this, really.

Let’s get fully inside baseball here. Let’s pull the curtain all the way back. Actually, let’s burn down the curtain. I’m going to overshare like hell right now. Get ready for the most stream-of-consciousness rambling ever, because a lot of this has been boiling in my head and dying to get out.

For the entirety of my Youtube channel, I’ve pretty much only ever done what I want to do. Very rarely do I chase trends, or do what’s hot, or even do what people want me to do. I do whatever I feel like doing.

I have paid the price for that. My Youtube channel is 15 years old as of this year, and only now am I slowly inching towards 25,000 subscribers. I am incredibly inconsistent. What’s my channel post? Well, a couple times a year, maybe I put together an edited essay/review for a game. But I also sometimes post random, unedited, uncommentated gameplay footage. Maybe it’s a fan game, maybe it’s a gameplay demo, maybe it’s Fortnite. Sometimes, I also post remastered video game music. Every Halloween, I dump a bunch of one-off horror Let’s Plays on to my channel. And then, there’s the podcast.

I know exactly what my problems are. I don’t specialize enough, and I don’t put content out fast enough. Because most Youtube channels are, like, “shows”, right. The Did You Know Gaming show. The Markiplier show. The Angry Video Game Nerd show. And you can point at those and say exactly what they are in two sentences or less.

Did You Know Gaming specializes in informative videos uncovering obscure facts you might not know about popular video games.

Markiplier is a Youtuber that does Let’s Play videos for video games, primarily horror games, but he also focuses on general comedy skits and things of that nature.

The Angry Video Game Nerd is about one guy’s over the top reactions to bad video games.

What does BlazeHedgehog do? Well, he does a lot of Sonic fan content, but sometimes he does horror let’s plays, and sometimes he does multiplayer compilation videos sort of like Criken, but he also does music, and sometimes he makes video games and puts out videos of that, and in general he’s really low energy and sometimes there will be three or four weeks between uploads. Also he sounds like Booger from Revenge of the Nerds Snot from Family Guy (apparently).

If you come to my channel for something specific, you have to put up with everything else I upload. I could start separate channels for that content, but the barrier to entry on Youtube is so massive now that I would effectively sending those channels to their death. Videos that get 200-500 views on my main channel would get 10 views or less if they were on their own self-contained alt-channel.

So I languish. I struggle. I suffer. Youtube shows me red down arrows to tell me just how much worse I’m doing now than my last flash-in-the-pan success.

I’ve tried to chase success. It just makes me sad. I have a sense of humor, but I don’t think I can make “funny videos” like some people can. My Sonic 06 glitch video did gangbusters ten years ago, but I don’t often like kicking games when they’re down. It was a struggle to make that Sonic Boom glitch montage and that’s the reason I never followed through with Part 2 like I said I would.

My only wish is that people appreciate honesty. My Youtube channel might be a scattered mess, but that’s who I am. And more than anything, I think that’s what Dunkey’s video was about. His whole joke was about switching from thoughtful or funny videos to becoming a content farm for whatever is currently popular.

I’ve brought it up a few times here and there over the last few months, but I’ve had several brushes with the Fortnite side of Youtube recently. And there are so many dudes over there who are what I would generously call “grifters.” I follow Hypex on Twitter and routinely check Firemonkey and ShiinaBR because they datamine future Fortnite updates and often have the scoop days, weeks or sometimes months in advance.

Near the end of season 3, all three of them mentioned they had datamined “the next season” but wouldn’t say what it was because they didn’t want to spoil what was coming (the marvel season). They mentioned there were “others out there” that were spoiling things, but wouldn’t say who. I wanted to spoil myself, so I turned to Youtube.

And Youtube was a nightmare. Over and over and over, I would encounter tons of people downright thriving on the same grift. It’s an open secret that Youtube prioritizes longer videos, so if your video is under ten minutes (or I think now 8 minutes), the algorithm isn’t going to be as nice to you and won’t promote your video as well, and you aren’t going to get as much advertising money because fewer people are going to sit through a video advertisement that’s a quarter of your video’s entire length. Longer videos are more profitable for Youtube, and by extension, for the user uploading them.

So it was video after video of these guys making big bold claims about how they had all the answers on what the next season of Fortnite was, and you’re thinking, “oh wow, it’s a 17 minute video, they’re going to spoil everything!”

You load the video up and it’s some guy in his streamer man cave, he’s got his webcam on, and he loads in to a match of Fortnite with his squad. Keep in mind, this video was pitched as a news report of sorts, a big spoiling of future content... and it’s just a guy playing Fortnite with a crew. In the few seconds between matches as he queues for the next one, he stops to deliver a single shred of information, most of which start with “Hypex said...”

The one thing you came to this video for and it’s scattered like breadcrumbs across a 17 minute video of a guy just playing normal matches Fortnite to fill time. It’s not information they acquired for themselves, they all just regurgitate what Hypex said, or what other channels reported Hypex saying. 17 minutes of padding for scraps of second-hand leaks. And I found dozens of these channels, all repeating the same format, all repeating the same specks of leaked information, and all of them had 150,000 to 200,000 views on each of their videos in less than 24 hours. That’s hundreds of dollars per video on a format to scam the system.

But that’s a content farm. Those dudes are vultures. I have a hard time believing their hearts are really in it. I know it’s not a term that’s really in vogue anymore, but I see that as “selling out.” They know what they are doing and it’s to make money, not to make a community better. I mean, one of those videos was a guy who was reading Marvel comic hero profiles off of Wikipedia because it sounded like he literally did not know who guys like Iron Man, Thor and Wolverine even were. How are you in touch enough with pop culture that you’re cranking out factory-fresh Fortnite content for Youtube but you don’t know who Thor is? Answer: because you don’t really care and you’re in it for the money. Gotta hit that 15 minute threshold and put in six mid-roll ad breaks.

I could be that guy. That’s kind of what I was hoping “This Kinda Sucks” would turn in to, which would be sort of a rant video series like The Jimquisition or something. But I did not have the interest or energy to keep that up. So you get a playlist with two videos on it.

I’m sure Dunkey was just funnin’ around. Dude has 6 million subscribers. But for me, like... what he said in the video is mostly true. Following your heart and making thoughtful content you are personally interested in won’t pay the bills. I mean, as I predicted, that Jurassic Park video launched to the sound of crickets chirping. My most hardcore fans and a few curious onlookers checked it out but that was it. I’ve been working on that video since August, and it’s something my viewer base did not care about. But I cared about it, and that’s important for the long-run, I think.

The other problem, sort of a disconnect, is that I’m lucky to be in the position I’m in. I think guys like Dunkey probably make all of their money from places like Youtube and Twitch and Patreon and that’s their career. That work pays all of their bills.

My work does not pay my bills. Or it does, but it’s not enough to pay all of my bills. I am lucky enough right now that I am in a living situation where I can make fractions of money in intermittent spurts. That won’t always be the case. But for now, I get to be honest, and I get to follow my heart in whatever random, chaotic direction it feels like going that particular day. Dunkey faces a different sort of pressure than I do.

All of this is to say I have no idea what I’m doing, I guess. I make the content I want to see.

That being said, I increasingly think about something I heard Woolie say early on when he went solo for his WoolieVS channel, and that was the idea of “One for you, one for me, one for us.”

Because I’ve had more than one friend burn out doing, like, Twitch streams and stuff. You hear about Youtubers who get sick of being shackled to new releases or whatever’s popular. At some point these people wake up and realize they’ve had this struggle, maybe made some money in the process, but they’re miserable because they don’t get to do what they want to do. They’re always being pushed forward by the fans that are behind them.

The “One for you, one for me, one for us” mantra does at least keep you a little more sane. Balance in all things, right? So that Jurassic Park video, it can flop. It’d be nice if it didn’t flop, given what time of the year it is, but it’s a video for me. I have other video ideas in the chamber that I know will be for my audience, or “for us.”

I just have to stay true to myself, and to my messy brain.

[b-rainlet]

Ben/Five OTP Meme?

Hey Bee! I know you've been requesting lots of OTP Meme asks and I know I made you wait a long time but I am answering them now! 

(I promise, I may be super slow but if any of you ever send an ask - whether it's just a question or a request for a fic - I will answer that at one point. I like doing these things!) 

But anyway, you wanted Ben/Five for the old ask meme, but I'm gonna do both because you waited for so long!

So...let's begin!

Which one sexts like a straight white boy? 

Five is a grandpa. Five is also a gremlin. 

Texting with Five is a bit like russian roulette, either you get proper punctuation and full sentences or you just get keysmashes and some random words. 

It mostly depends on the time of day and how much sleep Five got. 

Which is more now that Ben actually makes both of them have a somewhat normal sleep schedule. 

(Ben's trick is to just cuddle Five and fall asleep on them because as much as Five likes to complain, they never jump away, not wanting to wake Ben. Which mostly results in them falling asleep too). 

But sexting? Never. 

Ben could sext - Ben and Klaus definitely made fun of all the weird fuckboy messages Klaus got - and still gets - from hook ups or guys who somehow got his number - and if there's social media - who saw his profile and just decided they needed to 'tap that'. 

So Ben knows what sexting like a straight white boy would entail. But whereas he would totally do that within other pairings - for example with Allison or Vanya - I don't think it would be much use with Five. 

(Although Five is fucking easy. Always pretending to be so calm and collected but turning into a whiny little mess when Ben pushes their buttons. 

It's just nicer to be present during, to see just how affected Five gets, how riled up by some light touching and sweet talk). 

Not to derail this but Five would love pet names. Ben usually doesn't use them but depending on how needy Five is, it just seems to slip out, the 'Baby' already on his lips when he sees the way Five holds onto him, face pressed into his shoulder. 

Five is rather clingy, especially on days where they feel more on edge, maybe cause of a nightmare, maybe because they had a flashback about being stuck in the apocalypse again. All alone. Trying to get back to their family. 

(Maybe they thought about how when they got back, the one who was missing still was Ben, how all of their calculations didn’t actually help to get back to all of them-)

….But let’s at least try to stay light-hearted here, lmao. 

Which one cried during a fucking Disney Movie? 

Did you know? I check the stuff I've already written for this ask meme and check what I said about certain characters so I at least stick to my own 'canon'. 

And I remember that I was talking about Ben before (in the Luther/Ben/Vanya ask) and it was rather depressing all round. 

To answer the question: I would see neither of them as big criers but if anything, Five would cry during disney movies.  

Disney Movies can be incredibly heartbreaking (especially Disney Pixar) but I feel like both Ben and Five are not easy criers. 

Like I said before in the Luther/Ben/Vanya thing, Ben feels rather detached from his emotions after coming back to life. There's just…some kind of disconnect. 

He still feels - he can love after all - but sometimes he sees things and he knows 'I should probably react to this' but he just….doesn’t. 

Because he doesn't feel anything. Not in that moment anyway. 

Maybe he doesn't even see the sense in intentionally watching things to make yourself cry - something Luther and Klaus do - because Life is already pretty shitty, why be sad over a movie? 

(But maybe there's also some jealousy in that statement, an underlying: "How can it be so easy for you to show your emotions? How can feel so much all the time?") 

On the other hand, I can totally see Ben getting overwhelmed by being alive again, although I think he’d react mostly to physical stimuli? Like, when he was around Klaus he heard and saw stuff so he’s used to that, but touch?? That would definitely be too much for him sometimes. 

It would be windy outside and he’d refuse to go out because he couldn’t take the wind hitting his skin and blowing into his face. 

Or he’d get self-conscious about being seen by so many people and just need some time to himself, since he isn’t used to actually being perceived by people other than Klaus - and other ghosts. 

(Maybe he’d even miss his ghost friends, who knows). 

And because I love to ramble and overthink things, I believe that maybe being dead amplified most of the bad emotions he has?

I mean, why do ghosts turn into poltergeists?

I like to think that at some point they seem to forget who they are or at least forget all the good memories they have in life and just cling to the bad ones, which makes them turn bitter and vengeful. 

But that always depends on the story you’re telling and we don’t know much about the ghosts aside from them being pretty reasonable in the motel scene but mostly scary in the mausoleum scene (which could also simply be Klaus misremembering and mistaking their cries for help as them being evil and angry, since he was about 9). 

And Ben as a person (as little as we see of him actually having a character) seems to be rather bitter. So maybe he would have to pay extra close attention to his thoughts and feelings to not get stuck in a circle of negativity and self-doubt again. 

But anyway, crying because he gets overwhelmed when he’s out and there’s a bunch of people, brushing up to him while they walk past and looking at him and maybe even talking to him and he doesn’t know how to handle it so his body tries to relieve the stress by crying? Yes. 

Him getting emotional over that one scene in UP? Not very likely. 

Five on the other hand has seen lost of things. Lots of things that are probably rather gory and fear-inducing, since they worked as a killer and since Hazel and Cha-Cha don’t only murder but also torture people for the commission - something Five most likely had to do too in their job. 

I think they rationalized a lot of things? Like, they see the things they did as justified since they were working towards a greater good - getting back to their family and by association, saving the world, even though that wasn’t their main goal - and I can see them repressing some things in order to be able to keep functioning. 

(That’s gonna be a hell of a breakdown once they have some time to breathe and work through their issues).

And since Five has already experienced some rather gory stuff it seems a little weird that they would cry over things as simple as Mufasa dying? 

That’s an animated Lion who speaks, Five has seen real people die - has killed real people - please, as if that’s gonna bother them. 

But sometimes some things will strike a nerve. Especially if it’s about families. Especially if it’s about reuniting with your family. And being alone for a long time.

They would never admit it, but sometimes Ben can see them rubbing their eyes out of the corner of his eye. Ben doesn’t comment on it either - because he knows Five would probably be too proud to admit it - but he does let Five cuddle up to him. 

(Sometimes he cracks some bad jokes until Five snorts and lightly hits his chest). 

And just to add an afterthought of mine: Five doesn’t say anything, but none of them watch horror movies during movie night if Five is present. They all know that Five would say they aren’t bothered by it, but it’s just nicer when they can watch something without Five being tense and looking more at the floor than the tv when the bad guy gleefully chops off fingers and kills women and kids. 

The Hargreeves may never talk, but they do care, okay? 

No Horror movies - or movies that have bad guys that sound too much like the commission - for Five, no stuff involving close ups of needles and medical procedures for both Diego and Luther, and absolutely nothing involving romance for a while there, be it a nice romcom or something about emotional manipulation. 

(They tried watching a romcom once, but the tv exploded the moment the main guy was explaining his undying love for the girl and trying to get her to move in with him. Vanya never apologized for that, but Diego just declared that the movie had been shit anyway).

At this point they mostly stick to reality tv stuff and even there, they end up arguing more often than not. 

Remember me saying that I would try to keep this light-hearted? I’m sorry, lmao.

Who put a goddamned fork in the microwave?

BEN. 

All of us talking about how Ben has the only brain cell in the family like he wasn’t about to try and catch a bowling ball with his skinny frame and bare hands (has anyone ever thrown a bowling ball at you? I don’t think you can catch that without breaking your toe). 

Also his little ‘wee’! Him winking at Klaus like Klaus isn’t currently being tortured. 

Ben may possess a brain cell but most of the time he politely ignores it and just does whatever the hell he wants. 

(I mean, he’s already dead, why bother being cautious and taking a step back to think for a second? How is that any fun??)

Which may not be the best outlook on life once he’s alive again.

He will put a fork in the microwave. Then he will stay in front of the microwave and wait for something to happen - with some ice cream because who knows how long he’ll stay there? He needs snacks. 

And he’ll loudly complain to Five when nothing happens (because depending on the metal, it’s possible that nothing happens) and Five - like the good partner they are - will add some wax paper to the whole thing so the whole microwave goes up in flames. 

Because who said Five can’t use their knowledge for some fun? 

And the two of them will just watch until someone else will enter the kitchen (probably Diego) and lose their shit. 

Diego: “The fuck are you doing!”

Five: “I know, I already told Ben that too much ice cream can cause brain freeze.”

Diego, frantically looking for a way to save the kitchen from burning down: “THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE WORRIED ABOUT”

(Diego totally rats them out and Ben and Five steal his dessert for at least a week). 

In general the Ben/Five dynamic is: 

Ben: “I’ll do this reckless thing because I have no self-preservation.”

Five: “I’ll help because I like wrecking havoc. But as soon as there’s even the slightest scratch on you, I’ll passive-aggressively dote on you.”

Ben: “Deal.”

(Ben: *obvious baby, secret gremlin*/Five: *obvious gremlin/secret baby*)

Who does the silly hands-over-the-eyes “Guess who” thing?

I love how I’m all lovey-dovey with other couples but these two just behave like disaster children half the time. 

None of them do this. 

Ben will approach Five and just slump down on top of them because Five is great for naps and cuddles. 

Five will stand somewhere, arguing with Luther over some science (and pretending they know more astrophysic than an actual astronaut because they simply are like that) and Ben will just press up against them and steal Five’s coffee. 

(Ben is the only one who’s allowed to do that without serious repercussions. Him and maybe Vanya). 

Five will see Ben sitting somewhere, reading a book and just plop down in his lap like a cat. 

Ben: “Wha-”

Five: “I live here now.”

Tbh, you rarely see them not together? 

The two of them are the only members of the family where it would be rather...odd if they were to work somewhere or start a career - depending on whether the outside world sees them as dead/missing still or whether they somehow changed that through time travel - so they spend a lot of time at home. 

Five could probably do some online courses if it’s a reality with internet and Ben doesn’t plan on doing any kind of work for the next fucking decade. They got enough cash from the academy merchandise, he’s planning on living the rest of his life blowing that money. 

(Luther: Isn’t there anything you would like to do with you li-” 

Ben: Did you die, Luther? Did you die??”)

Ben: “I will sleep lots and have Mum bake cookies for me for the rest of my life.”

Five: “I support you, baby.”

(Jokes aside, Five probably includes Ben in calculations of moving away or paying rent or whatever and is rather positive that they’ll be able to support them both - in case they a. Don’t wanna touch Reggie’s blood money - something Diego does, since he refuses to be dependent on the old man - or b. There isn’t much money to begin with, or it’s mostly used for keeping the academy or something). 

So the two of them can just happily cling to each other for the rest of their lives and Ben can nap in Five’s lap while Five is pulling another all-nighter working on this or that (Ben refused to go to bed without them and tried to stay awake with them, but Five knows Ben falls asleep within seconds if you card your hands through his hair). 

Who puts their cold hands/feets on their partner?

Both. It's war. 

Ben is cold overall - which maybe, just maybe could come from the fact that he’s been dead before - and Five always has cold hands for whatever reason. 

It starts because Five hugged Ben from behind and sneaked their hand under his sweater and Ben proceeded to fucking jump and wiggle out of Five’s grip. 

Which was definitely an interesting enough reaction, Five had to do it a few more times.

Ben loves wearing his hoodies, but they’re slightly too big which means Five can easily put their hand down Ben’s back and Ben hates it. 

(He never tells Five to stop though, so Five thinks it’s still fair game). 

In return, Ben will definitely push his cold feet against Five’s side when they’re in bed and hold them close enough Five can’t wiggle away. 

Five always glares at him but endures it. 

Most of the time, Ben holds Five’s hands between his own while he’s pressed up to Five, as kind of an apology, to warm them up. 

(Five keeps glaring but kisses his cheek, so Ben doesn’t think they’re really mad). 

Who had that embarrassing Reality TV marathon?

Both. 

Ben probably watched some ridiculous dating show and Five sat down next to him with the sole purpose of making fun of him but instead ended up being invested themself. 

Couple on tv: *breaks up* 

Five, on the edge of their seat: “No! They’re meant for each other! Paul just has to work more on his self-esteem! Back me up here, Ben!”

Ben, who mostly watches precisely to see the couples break up: “Jennifer deserves better.”

Cue, a half an hour long rant from Five’s side about how Ben has no idea what true love is while Ben tries his hardest not to laugh. 

Ben, after Five has been talking non-stop for twenty minutes: “You done?”

Five, reaching for the popcorn on Ben’s lap: “Pretty much, yeah.”

(The two of them also watch soap operas but most of the time, Luther watches with them. Diego too, but he always claims he only watches to make fun of them, even though he keeps on hushing them when they talk during emotional scenes). 

Who laughs more during sex? 

Neither (I don’t know where my dislike for laughing during sex comes from but I rarely ever say that there’s laughter when this question is asked). 

I think it also depends a little on the mindset? Ben is in control - no question there, Ben’s the one in charge because Five needs someone safe they can be needy and vulnerable with. 

But sometimes Five wants to play a little - says ‘Why should I?’ when Ben tells them to kneel, smiles cheekily and shakes their head when Ben tells them to behave. 

On those days, there’s more tension. Even though both of them know that Five is only pushing boundaries a little, that they still wanna be needy and good for Ben, the air is a little more charged and Ben is firmer, more demanding when he tells Five to ‘Get your ass over here, now’. 

(Five? Intentionally being a brat? Never). 

But there’s also days when Five doesn’t wanna challenge Ben. Just wants to be soft and good and taken care of. 

And if there’s any laughter involved, it’s on those days, Five smiling and giggling when Ben kisses their face over and over and humming when Ben tells them how good they are being for him. 

(Also Five jumping away whenever Ben tries to pull them towards him? Laughing while Ben chases them down the hallway? Only to plop up right in front Ben and put their arms around his neck, kissing him straight on the mouth, still smiling? Good shit). 

Who is the little spoon?

They switch!

Although Five prefers to just burrow into Ben’s side like a cat, one arm around Ben’s stomach and their head pressed against his rips, while Ben rubs their back. 

Ben also likes to hold Five with the Bentacles!

He’s usually more hesitant about letting them out while he’s out - and therefore unable to control them - but Five has never once seemed afraid of them and keeps encouraging Ben to let them out more - in non-lethal situations especially. 

So Ben’s rather comfortable letting them wrap around Five while Five’s sprawled out on top of him. 

(And maybe the Bentacles are much more quiet and well-behaved if they’re allowed to cuddle with Five, but don’t tell them. Five would only be all smug about it). 

That was the first bunch of OTP questions! I’m not 100% in love with it but with how much I tend to ramble, I hope there’s something in there that will please you!

But if not, there’s still the second set!

Who accidentally pushes a door instead of pulling/vice versa?

Five. 

They are both major dumbasses and Five will definitely try to be smooth and jump in front of Ben to open the door for him and just...stand there for a second, pulling at a push door like an idiot while smirking at Ben. 

Ben usually laughs at him and pushes the door open himself. 

Ben doesn’t do the push/pull mistake because Ben doesn’t try opening the door at all. 

When he’s still tired or deep in thought, he forgets he isn’t dead anymore and just walks into the door. 

Five will laugh at Ben and then immediately jump away to avoid being either hit or grabbed by a Bentacle. 

Who doodles little hearts all over the desk with their initials inside them?

Five. 

Five is a doodler in general. They help them think. 

Amidst all the equations and notes they make, there’s just different stuff they scribbled down.

Stars or a flower here or there but mostly abstract things that came to be while they let their thoughts drift and their hand move. 

And even if there aren’t any hearts or love declarations, more often than not, Ben’s name is somewhere on the paper. Maybe in a corner, or on the side, sometimes even in the middle.

Oftentimes Five writes his name and then just keeps tracing it with a finger while they are thinking and it makes Ben smile when he sees it. 

Who starts the tickle fights?

Ben. 

Ben will start a tickle fight over anything. He wants to switch channels? Tickle Fight. He wants attention? Tickle Fight. He’s bored? Tickle Fight. 

It’s probably not his best idea, since he’s the more ticklish one of the two (He’s rather sensitive to touch). 

He knows a secret though: Five’s weak spot. 

(It’s their neck). 

Five doesn’t even stop squirming when Ben’s kissing their neck - being extra careful while doing so, of course. 

But the hard part is to get to Five’s neck since as soon as Ben is launching an attack, Five’s already jumping away. 

(And most of the time reappearing on Ben’s back, pushing him down and digging their fingers into Ben’s sides until he surrenders, letting himself fall into the pillows and letting Five stretch out on top of him). 

They end up watching whatever Five wanted to see 8 out of 10 times.

Luther: “Have you ever considered….maybe not starting a tickle fight you know you’ll lose?”

Ben: “You just don’t get it, Luther.”

Who starts the pillow fights?

Five.

Mostly because if Ben were to throw a pillow after Five, they’d either a. jump away or b. complain about it. 

Ben: *throws a pillow because Five’s ignoring him*

Five: “Oh, I see how it is. I mean nothing to you, do I? Glad to know that you think so little of me and our relationship.”

Whereas if Five throws a pillow it’s okay of course. 

Five: *throws a pillow*

Ben: “So you don’t love me after all? It’s all been a lie? I-”

Five: *throws another pillow while Ben is still talking*

Who falls asleep last, watching the other with a small, affectionate smile?

Five!

In my head, Ben is a very sleepy person, lmao. And it takes a while for the 3 espresso to leave Five’s system, so most of the time Ben’s already fast asleep when Five gets tired. 

(And already in Five’s lap too, because if Ben does a nap, his s/o has to do a nap too. That’s just how it is). 

And maybe Five will try their hardest to stay awake just so they can card their fingers through Ben’s hair and take a minute to simply be glad that they’re allowed to have this. 

Maybe they fall asleep listening to Ben breathe.

Who mistakes salt for sugar?

Neither. 

I mean, it can happen to the best of us but you know what the two of them would do instead?

 Switch salt and sugar and just wait for their siblings to fall for it. 

They encourage Luther to go and make some pancakes for the rest of the family and then just sit there and wait for the others to take their first bite. 

The only one who doesn’t fall for it is Allison. She’s been watching Five and Ben being suspicious and when they make no move to eat the pancake on their plate, she doesn’t either.

Vanya tries her best to keep smiling and tells Luther they’re tasty - meanwhile she sneakily takes a few sips of her water. 

Diego actually spits the pancake out and just goes “They’re shit”. 

Klaus probably eats them anyway.

(They don’t ever find out that the reason the pancakes were salty is because of Five and Ben but that’s mostly because they bribed Allison into not telling). 

Who lets the microwave play the loud beeping sound at 1am in the morning?

Five. 

Five is an asshole but also they know that Ben sleeps through most stuff so there’s nothing to worry about. 

(They still scold everyone else for doing that though because how dare they nearly wake Ben?)

Ben on the other hand avoids being too loud at night because Five’s up and ready to fight at the slightest noise (which is a pain when Ben gets up at night to pee because not only does Five sit upright in bed when Ben comes back - which is rather creepy -, but they also cling when Ben tries to move away).

(Five says it’s payback because when they wanna get up and the Bentacles are out, they simply put Five back into the position they want them in). 

Who comes up with cheesy pick up lines?

Ben!

Ben likes to lean down and over Five’s shoulder and just whisper some cheesy stuff into Five’s ear while Five tries their best ignoring them - because they’re doing some important work here, okay? 

But Five isn’t strong, not when it comes to Ben, so most of the time they will let Ben sneak his hands down Five’s chest and his head rest on Five’s shoulder while they sweet talk Five into taking a ‘quick’ break. 

(Which most of the time turns into abandoning their work altogether because Ben thinks it’s far more important to push Five onto the mattress and do some work on their body). 

When Five’s sitting at their desk the next day, with bruises on their wrists and hickeys peeking out under their collar they aren’t even surprised when Ben appears behind them again, with some new sweet talk and forever wandering hands. 

Who rearranges the bookshelf in alphabetical order?

Both. 

The problem is: They have different systems. Five arranges the books in alphabetical order, all about having an efficient system where you can find what you’re looking for within seconds. 

Ben’s system is called ‘Do it after feel’

Like, his faves are on one shelf, the ones that are good but where the author is a little shit are on another, there’s a spot with continuations of series who were good and another for those who were bad. 

Five: “Series belong together!”

Ben: “Only if you’re weak.”

Whenever one of them has time - and the other isn’t watching - they rearrange it so it fits their system. 

This has been going on for weeks and neither of them plan on stopping. 

Who licks the spoon when they’re baking brownies?

Both! 

They switch. Depending on what they’re baking, Five will lick the batter from the spoon while Ben scratches the leftover chocolate sauce out of the little bowl. 

They rarely ever do the baking though, they mostly wait around while Grace or Luther bake and grab the used bowls and cutlery like little kids. 

Who buys candles for dinners even though there’s no special occasion?

Both! 

They even light candles when they’re just eating with the family because why not? Ben usually buys scented candles and he definitely spends hours just sniffing different candles before picking one. 

(He likes cinnamon and christmas smells best so Five will buy them when they’re out and about anyway). 

Their room is full of candles too but they don’t light them because all of them have some special shapes like flowers or stars and Five feels bad lighting them because then 'they’ll die'.

So they’re just slowly stuffing their whole room - and their second room - with candles. 

(Ben is also an impulse buyer so they have shit like a gumball machine and those little mechanical carousels where the horses go up and down. 

Five mostly buys food and they can and will buy copious amounts of sweets they can munch while thinking about mathematical problems or when they’re feeling down. 

They have an extra drawer for Ben’s fave stuff). 

Who draws little tattoos on the other with a pen?

Five. 

It’s not really tattoos though, they just use Ben as an additional chalkboard and more often than not Ben’s arms are full of equations and doodles.

Never Five’s arms though and Five says it’s because they don’t wanna spend so much time in the bathroom, scrubbing the marker away, but Ben believes it’s really because they like having Ben around.

And drawing on him is a good way to involve him and make sure he can’t leave because “You’re carrying a note that I really need on your arm. Seems like you have to stay for a little longer. But don’t worry; I’m kind enough to let you cuddle with me.”

Who comes home with a new souvenir magnet every time they go on vacation?

Neither of them go on vacation but at one point Ben started buying fridge magnets of the places he would like to visit some day and since then it’s become some kind of habit that Five partakes in too. 

If they see a magnet of a place they think looks interesting they buy it and then they do some research on where it is (for example South Africa and France and the birthplaces of all the sibs).  

Five actually plans on jumping them to the various places one day but they never jumped as far away before so they have to do some training first - which may take some time. 

Especially because they plan on taking not only Ben, but all the siblings + Grace. 

Who convinces the other to fill out those couple surveys in the back of magazines?

Both!

Neither of them believe that those surveys have any kind of substance (especially Five likes to rant about statistics and how most answers are kept vague to apply to most couples) but they still fill them out.

And bicker over the answers. 

Ben: "How does your partner treat you?" 

Five: "A, obviously."

Ben: "You treat me like I'm a queen? I doubt it."

Five: "I do!"

Ben, smiling: "Sure."

According to most surveys, they’re not compatible - one even suggested that Ben is the type of boyfriend to cheat eventually. 

They joke about it. 

They know they work out, so why believe a magazine?

And that’s it! This took me the whole day so I hope it was worth it! (This is exactly 5k btw). 

[tender-history]

Fic Plotting 101: How I Start from an Idea.

Hullo, hi, welcome! It’s Plotting 101 with Dee: Part One!

 Before we get started, here’s why I made this post:

 1) I get a lot of CCs asking how to approach plotting, pacing and especially story flow, and I wanted to link them all to something useful,

2) I see a lot of people wanting to write plot but unsure how to approach it because it can be overwhelming,

3) Google Searching ‘how to plot’ can be EXTREMELY scary.

 Let’s take Number 3 first. If you’re going to Google ‘how to plot’, you’re going to end up with advice on everything ranging from ‘don’t plot’ to six sheet spreadsheets with fifty columns each that wants you to put down everything from your character’s eye color to what exactly they think of instant noodles. You’ll end up with diagrams, beat sheets, templates, storyboards, and find guides that range from six-step plotting techniques to fifty-steps. And I’m not saying you shouldn’t follow that method - sometimes, if you’re a person who likes character design and questionnaires a lot, you’ll love that method. But I’m not like that, and a lot of writers I know aren’t like that either. There’s nothing I hate more than some spreadsheet asking me my character’s weight and height. And if you go down that road, chances are that you’ll just go down the rabbit hole of intricately designing your characters and settings for AGES instead of actually writing anything at all.

 So - if not through spreadsheets or beat-sheets, how DO you plot?

 If you ask me, the best plotting method is to do WHAT WORKS FOR YOU.

 How do you find what works for you? You try things. I tried many different ways of plotting before I decided what worked for me. So this is going to be less a guide on how to plot and more an explanation of the ways I plot, with the hope that maybe you can find something in here to help you.

 > For me, step ONE is the IDEA.

 This is your big shiny nugget. Your driving force. This is EXTREMELY important, because no one idea is equal to another.  Some ideas are better, because they can help you do something unique, something only you can do, which makes you stand out. For the sake of demonstrating this whole thing, let’s take The Tender History of Tides. Tender History lived on my Ideas folder in my Notes app for months before I began writing it. This was my one-line quick jot-down: ‘what if I wrote non-royalty historical fantasy set in Joseon Korea?’

 Done before? Yeah. Can be done in a unique way? Heck yeah.

 Your idea is very very important because it’s the axis on which you’ll pivot your entire plot. It’ll grow and develop and change if you just give it some thought.

 So, plotting suggestion #1 right here: Keep an Ideas folder. You WILL forget your idea, however shiny it is. Keeping it all in one place helps in more than one way: 1) You know it won’t disappear from your mind, 2) Sometimes ideas can overlap, come together, and turn into a whole new story.

 For Tender History, the historical fantasy set in Joseon Korea idea very, very quickly merged with another idea I’d had: taegi dark-fic with sea-monster Tae and monster-hunter Yoongi. They were disparate thoughts, things I thought of at different times, things I then put together to create something more unique than what they would have been individually.

 I often generate ideas this way. I’ll consult my Ideas folder for thoughts I’ve had in the past, then see if they can be combined with something else to make a better shiny.

 Few examples:

 1) vhope magic shop au + but what if the whole thing is set in a game arcade?

2) taegi vampire au + but what if this was set in the fashion world?

3) vmin library au + but what if they went to a magical school?

 Combination is one way of idea generation. Other ways of idea generation that I sometimes use:

 > Use images. Go on Pinterest, check out some aesthetics, let your imagination run wild.

> Use online prompters. There are so many prompt generators floating around! For Fantasy, I use Seventh Sanctum sometimes (they have hundreds of different sort of prompt generators, and some are really good if you’re stuck on banal things like naming, or a quick character design). For fan fiction, there are prompt bots on Twitter. You can even google writing prompts, there are several websites that offer one per day, which you can then use to kick start your imagination.

 > Now you have your idea. Step TWO, for me, is developing the idea.

 This is the step where you can really stand out in the crowd when it comes to plotting. It’s great having a unique idea, but this is the part where you flesh it out.

 Here’s how I do that:

> Scribble down a skeleton of what you think the story will be: In my case, for this Taegi fic, the skeleton looked something like this:

taegi, yoongi is a detective, tae is a supernatural being of some sort, setting is joseon korea, time period is (???), wintry, monsters and murders, dark, atmospheric, there’s a romance and it’s both soft and dangerous, side: noble seokjin, scholar namjoon, doctor jimin (?). they’re in a village and there are these murders and everyone is keeping secrets. 

This, as you see, is a ramble. It’s just whatever’s in my head, being committed to paper. Now, plotting is WORK. Putting what’s up there - that ramble, that mess of ideas - into a functioning, well-paced, structured, organized plot requires you to put work into it. It’s not easy. But it’s a lot of fun. And when it starts coming together, you really feel very good about your writing and your story!

So, moving on to the actual work now:

> Write a 250 word pitch of the story. Organize your ramble into something coherent, meaningful and easy to absorb. Imagine that this is exactly like the back blurb on a book. The back blurb on a book is meant to entice you to read it. IF it’s enticing enough for you to read, then you can imagine that it might be enticing to a reader. But first - you have to make it enticing for YOU. As the writer, YOU have to feel like, ok, this is gonna be a killer story if I tackle it.

 The objective of this pitch is two-fold:

1) You have to be able to tell three things from it: the idea, the characters, and the main conflict.

2) A complete STRANGER - i.e., someone who has no idea about your story - should be able to look at this pitch and tell what exactly the story is about.

 I can’t stress the importance of this step. Often times, it’s not until you force yourself to explain your plot in 250 words that you find possible issues with it.

 Here’s how I explained Tender History in 250 words or less:

 “In late 1700s Joseon Korea, a string of strange murders sends Inspector Kim Seokjin to a frozen northern province. Accompanying him is Min Yoongi, once a scholar of the supernatural, now an indentured laborer until a debt for his crimes against the palace can be paid. Quickly taking on eccentric artist Kim Taehyung as his assistant, Yoongi sets out to find the monster that’s terrorizing the land. But there’s more to both the icy lakes and the people here. More to Taehyung and his unflinching ease at drawing scenes of death. Yoongi just needs to figure out what.”

 Note a couple of things here.

A) You as the writer knows who the important characters are, because they are named.

B) You know the setting: 1700s, Joseon Korea, icy, winter.

C) You know the characterization and how they play into this world: inspector Seokjin, indentured worker Yoongi, artist Taehyung.

D) You know the conflict: murders, monsters, secrets.

E) You ALSO, if you look deeply enough, know the inner character conflict - Yoongi has debts, he has no free will until he pays them.

 If I show this to you, a stranger, you should ALSO be able to glean these basic details from this 250 word pitch.

 It’s not easy. It just looks easy. I spent hours putting this down in a way that was completely right: precise, simple, yet very explanatory. This pitch will force you to confront what is the story, its actual plot and actual characters, and what is only set dressing. You can’t ramble about it anymore for hours. You can’t have a bunch of disconnected ideas anymore. You HAVE to fit it into something concise, something easily absorbed - not just by you, but by a reader who can’t see into your mind. 

You will also know, by putting this down, if the characters aren’t developed enough inside your head. Because why would anyone go to a wintry frozen land to catch a monster? You can’t answer that unless you know, by forcing your thoughts into coherency, that oh, Yoongi has no real free-will here.

 > Step THREE, marry external and internal conflict.

 Or this is step 1.5, actually. You cannot plot a story without both external and internal conflict. Or, you can, but then you won’t touch your readers as much as you would want to.

 What do I mean by this?

 Your external conflict is something that exists outside of your characters - your regular villain, say. This is your Darth Vader, your Voldemort, your Capitol.

 Your internal conflict is what your character feels. This is HARDER. In Hunger Games, Katniss ponders and combats her own ruthlessness. In Harry Potter, Harry’s desire to fit into the world and live a normal life continuously contrasts with his own fame and the symbol of hope he becomes.

 In Tender History, my external conflict is very fancy: murder, monsters, scary villages, etc. Internal conflict is a lot less so: Yoongi in this fic continuously has to wrestle with feelings of guilt and unfairness, with wanting to do good but feeling too burned by the system. If you’ve read Murmuration, the external conflict is the Scarab, but the internal conflict is their own ambition, their guilt over what they had to do to survive, their (terrifying) loyalty to each other.

 Internal conflict is where you find your character voice. If I’d set Tender History Yoongi in a celebrated position at his job, he’d be a much different character. His voice would be much different. He has power! He has resources! Versus this Yoongi, who has nothing, and hence has to trust the people he’s allowed to work with to tell him the truth.

 Think of it like peeling the layers:

 1) The Idea,

2) Develop the Idea,

3) Fill in the External Conflict,

4) Fill in the Internal Conflict.

 I have a few major rules I follow at this point of plotting. They’re like this:

 1) Are these the right characters for my story? - This means I do a round of thinking about whether these people are the perfect vehicle to tell this story I want to tell. Great, I want to tell a story about wintry Joseon Korea, and monster-fighting. But. Is indentured-worker Yoongi the best person to carry this? What if I make him a village leader instead? What if he’s a runaway prince? What if he’s the monster? Depending on what you want your story to be, you have to think of your character to fit the telling. In Romance of Old Clothes, I chose Tae POV for the whole thing because I wanted to illustrate his reading of people vs. other people’s reading of him. Taehyung’s internal conflict in that fic was that he lies to himself extensively. He’s got this idea of who he is, which is untrue, which is then broken down in a climactic moment. He’s my perfect character to tell that story, because of his obliviousness. Similarly, in Tender History, Yoongi’s the perfect character to tell this story, because of who he is in society, his internal troubles, and his monster-hunting experience.

 2)What are some details I would add to this world? - I have a basic idea of the conflict, the world, and the characters now. This is where I take out a chart or a notebook and get to work. I do this like a mindmap: I jot down anything I can think of - say, okay, Joseon Korea: food, art, paintings, caste system, civil examinations, scholars, winter, roads, Confucianism, shrines, religion, music, monsters, gender roles. Then I begin detailing it. ‘Food’ for example: royals eat different food from commoners eat different food from untouchable castes or peasants. Summer food is different from spring food is different from winter food. When I read about food for this fic, I read about the ‘barley gap’ or the gap between barley and rice cultivation during winter. People historically starved during this time. If my story is set in winter, this is an important detail.

 Let’s take something more contemporary. I’m writing about a vintage clothes store. Details I would need - clothes, brands, size of the shop, layout of the shop, how do they procure clothes, how do they test authenticity, what are their customers like, who do they interact with, where is their shop in the city, what does being in that locality mean, what seasons are busy for them.

 A mindmap is just a page full of words, questions, things you know, things you don’t know. Filling it up is the next major step.

 3) What is character development going to be? - This is very important. Okay, you have an external and internal conflict. Now, start of the story being point A, and end being point B, what exactly is A and B for my character? What do I want them to become? In Romance of Old Clothes, Taehyung at Point A is lying to himself about his own nature. By Point B, he’s able to identify that he needs to let people in, open up more. In Wonder Woman, Diana at the beginning of the story is rather naive, believing that if only she could destroy the God of War, the whole war will end. By the end, she understands and admits that things are not that black and white - that people sometimes fight wars because they want to, not due to some external influence.

 You have to know this to continue.

 Step 4, in how I plot, is to put down a starting scene, a few story beats, and the rough idea of an ending.

  But I’ll get into that - and more, including pacing - in Series 2 of this series of posts! Please let me know here or on twitter if these are helpful, or if I’m just rambling too much.

Since I am now struggling a lot to balance writing with work, and if you want to help me keep on writing posts like this, please consider donating to my ko-fi.

I also made a post on how I world-build, the tools and templates I use for the same: it’s over here!

 https://tender-history.tumblr.com/post/185910085044/on-research-worldbuilding-and-culture

[1-1snailxd-art]

Libraries are for Meetings

Masterlist 

Mobile App users: I suggest reading on Ao3 or on desktop version. I don’t understand why, but when I look at this fic on mobile the paragraph spaces aren’t there properly. If you know how to fix this, please let me know.

Overview 

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Type: Alternate Universe - University

Rating: Mature (mainly because of the thinking and character loss)

Relationships: Analogical (Platonic? Romantic? Who knows), Royality, possibly more to come

Characters: Virgil Sparks, Logan Mars, Patton Smiles, Roman Reels, original Deceit inspired character (they are sweet, I promise), and a few original characters and possibly more familiar names to come.

Summary: Virgil works as a cleaner in a library after loosing his university scholarship. He’s homeless, he’s lost, he’s confused and he has to admit he needs help. Cue an unpredictable meeting and suddenly there is someone willing to take him on the path of self discovery and acceptance. Will he accept it, or will he walk away like he normally does.

Virgil and Logan’s growth may be the main focus, but Patton and Roman do have their own story arcs. A few original characters to steer the story and a reimagined Deceit with their own quirky role to play.

Warnings: anxiety and panic, negative thinking, deaths (original characters), homophobia (and more. This is a tale of self discovery and acceptance), homelessness, different aspects of LGBTQIA+ presented (I probably won’t get the whole spectrum, but there are a few)

Chapter 1 - The Dark Librarian 

Music blasted through Virgil’s headphones as he finished piecing a gaming system back together. He was so use to doing this, he was certain he could finish the job with his eyes closed; not that his perfectionism would ever let him try. Checking the clock, he scribbled in his notebook to start working out the cost of his efforts.

 “Hey Virgil?... Sparks!”

“I told you not to call me by my surname.” Virgil grumbled, pulling his headphones off as he turned to face his visitor.

 A woman lent on the doorframe of the room, dressed in a light blue button up shirt and black slacks. Despite he hair being in a tight bun, a single strand hung loose near her face and she twirled it around her finger.

 “What do you need, Katie.” Virgil swooped his bangs off his face and gave her a half smile. “You always twirl your hair when you need something.”

“Read me like a book.”

“We are in a library. Makes sense that I’m good at reading.” Katie was avoiding all eye contact and Virgil groaned, “Spill those feels, Reels. It will be time for my shift to start if you keep stalling.”

Katie let out a nervous laugh, “Yeah, about that.”

“What?” Nervous energy started to build in Virgil’s gut at Katie’s response.

“Look, I know you hate being out the front during the day, but I need you to take the afternoon shift.” Virgil fixed Katie with a tired look as she rambled on. “The main library got in a whole bunch of new reference books and they have all been entered into the system incorrectly, and Tia – that new librarian- tried to fix it herself, but ended up messing up the whole system, and now she’s freaking out and she called me in hysterics because no one can borrow and what is the point of a library if you can’t borrow an-“

“Woah, woah,” Virgil waved his hands out in front of him to silence the freaked out librarian. “It’s fine, Katie. I can manage. It’s a Tuesday, nothing ever happens on a Tuesday.”

“I’ll make sure you get paid for the extra shift, and I’ll come and help you with your normal cleaning as soon as I’m done.”

“Whatever. It’s fine.” Virgil followed Katie out of the room, checking his keycard was in his pocket before closing the office door. “Message me if Tia screwed the computers up too much for you to handle.”

“You’re a lifesaver, Virgil.” Katie started racing towards the front door, before quickly turning to call back to him. “Oh, my brother Roman has booked the reading area at 4:30 and office 3 cancelled so it’s actually free.”

“Would you get out of here already, Reels.”

Katie flipped Virgil the bird before running out the wooden front door, leaving Virgil in the silence of the small, old library.

 *********************************

 As expected, the library was very quiet all afternoon. Virgil did his best to remain calm and come across as a professional as a few families came in briefly to borrow books with their small children. His ripped jeans and ‘Panic at the Disco!’shirt didn’t really scream ‘librarian’ but his clothing options were very limited at the moment. Not that he liked to admit it, but Virgil had been living on friends couches and in his library office since he lost his university scholarship. Katie was well aware of what Virgil was doing, but feigned ignorance; Virgil would talk to her when he was ready.

 “What’s up, Sparkles? Crawled out of your cave rather early today.” Virgil groaned at the sound of Roman’s voice, “Where’s Katie?”

Virgil tilted his head to the side and made sure Roman felt the full weight of the annoyance in his eyes. Katie’s use of his surname was in jest, a joke between coworkers and friends; Roman’s nickname always came across like an insult.

“Wow, touch-y.” Roman held his hands up in surrender, before readjusting his red and white jacket to appear more sincere. “Viiirgil, where is my delightful sister Katie?”

“There was a book emergency at the main library so she went to help out.”

Virgil continued pulling books off the shelf to inspect them for damage, but Roman wasn’t moving on.

 “Can I help you with something else?”

“Well I’m glad you asked,” Roman beamed and moved to lean on Virgil’s trolley. “Seeing as no one is in here, can I pl-“

“No.”

“Wha-?” Roman gasped as if he had been shot, “I didn’t even finish asking my question.”

“You didn’t need to.” Virgil returned a book and gave Roman a mischievous smile, “The answer is no.”

Roman stood up and let Virgil push the trolley back down the aisle and towards the main desk. For a moment he considered pulling the ‘My sister is your boss’ card or even turning on the waterworks for his deceased parents but decided against it. He didn’t know much about the mysterious worker, but he knew enough that power and sympathy would get him nowhere. Thankfully, Roman had one more trick up his sleeve.

 Virgil watched Roman move the lounge and beanbags around the reading area to extend his floor space. Booking dance spaces was expensive and the library proved to be a cheap, but inferior, alternative. When Roman threw his jacket aside, revealing his tight black tank top, Virgil was quick to avert his eyes to prevent himself from being caught blushing at the sight. Turning back to the computer, Virgil started scrolling through the booking lists and checking that he still had permanent hold over office 2, before going into the system to look for overdue loans.

Humming pulled Virgil away from his thoughts and he saw Roman humming a tune to himself as he danced around the area. There was a slight vibrating sound and Virgil looked to the end of the bench and saw Roman’s phone sitting on a pile of books. Walking over, the screen was lit up as the phone vibrated for an alarm titled ‘music please Virgil’.

 Roman paused mid step as the beginning of one of his dance pieces started to come through the overhead speakers, instead of Katie’s usual natural sounds.

“Thank you, Virgil!” Roman called as he re-centred himself and prepared to start his piece.

Shaking his head, Virgil retreated to the seclusion of the aisles to return more books to their shelves. Roman was annoying, but how could he deny the effort the guy had gone to. In all honesty, he was just glad to not have been yelled at or have someone demanding things from him. His opinion of Katie’s little brother shifted slightly in that moment and he couldn’t deny that Roman was truly a very talented young man.

  *********************************

 BANG

“Katie!”

BANG

“Roman!”

CLICK

Virgil’s heart was racing as he peaked out from an aisle and saw a man in a McDonalds uniform finish locking the front door and start running towards the back of the library. His brown hair was neatly styled, except for a few stray curls that sat on his forehead. He completely ignored Virgil, running straight for Roman and pulling him into a crushing hug.

“Roman, you’ve got to help me. I’ve done something terrible, horrible, unforgivable, utterly-“

 “Hey!” Virgil’s loud voice echoed through the empty library as he disconnected Roman’s music and stared at the pair. “You can’t just come in and lock up the library. Who do you think you are?”

“Chill out, Vee. Patton’s with me.” Roman held his arms securely around Patton and looked down at him with eyes full of confusion and concern.

“Don’t call me Vee, and I don’t care if he’s with you or not, you can’t just lock up the library whenever you want.”

Virgil started to walk back towards the door and Patton cried out.

“Please, don’t unlock it. I-“

A loud bang on the door stopped Virgil in his tracks and Patton let out a squeak.

 “Patton! Open this door immediately.”

The door shook as the person on the other side attempted to gain entry.

“Geez, Pat, what did you do to him?”

“One guy is making all that noise?” Virgil asked as the banging and yelling continued.

Patton nodded and buried his face into Roman’s shoulder.

“I r-real-ly mes-ssed up, Ro. The b-bi-g-ge-ss-st m-m-mes-“

Patton could barely speak through his sobs and irregular breathing. Virgil had no idea what was happening, but he wasn’t about to find out what would happen if the guy outside got to Patton.

 Virgil went to the desk and grabbed the keycard for office 3 and shoved it in Roman’s hand.

“Lock yourself in the office and put the dark screen up. I’ll handle this.”

“But Virgil, you don’t even know-“

“Just get him out of here before he passes out, ok!”

 Roman saw the determination in Virgil’s eyes and questioned no more, quickly leading Patton through the library to the office at the back. Virgil did his best to compose himself as he approached the door, hoping his outer self appeared more intimidating than he felt.

“Patton! You need to come out here and face me, NOW!”

 Virgil waited until he felt the man shift away from the door again before opening it. What stood before him was not the threat Virgil had pictured at all. Where he had imagined a heavily muscled maniac, a tall man in a white lab coat stood in his place. If it wasn’t for his red face behind squared, black glasses, and the way he quickly stormed passed Virgil, he wouldn’t have believed that this was the same person who had been trying to tear the door down.

 “Where is he?” The man started marching down to the back of the library, glancing down the aisles. “I’m going to kill that sorry excuse for a friend so I can dissect and study the brain of that idiotic, pun-generating humanoid.”

“Geez, dude, calm down.” Virgil called, as he attempted to catch up to the man after re-locking the door.

“Calm down? CALM DOWN! My life is over. How can I be calm?”

Virgil watched as the anger melted into sadness and the man clutched a warped laptop to his chest and slumped to his knees.

“He ruined everything.”

 Despite squeezing them shut, tears still streamed from the stranger's eyes. Virgil felt the adrenaline of the situation begin to fade from his system, and his legs and hands shook slightly as a result. Squeezing his hands into tight fists to calm them, Virgil knelt before the man and made his voice calm and soft.

“I’m guessing this has something to do with that laptop.”

“Yes,” the man sniffed and pulled a handkerchief from his coat pocket to clean himself up. “Patton…knocked it off of the table at the lab.”

“You chased Patton here from the science labs?” Virgil questioned, surprised when a nod confirmed the distance the two had traversed.

“All my work was on this laptop. Everything…gone.”

 Virgil had come across a few students over the years that had similar situations. He’d been given broken laptops, crushed USBs and smashed external hard drives. Everyone reacted a different way to the possibility of losing their data; though this was the first time he had seen someone hulk out over it.

“If you promise not to dissect anyone, I could have a look at it for you.”

“What? What can you do? It’s smashed.”

Virgil smirked as he reached out to carefully take the laptop out of the man's hands.

“You’d be surprised how tough some computers really are.”

“Well...um, thank you…”

“Virgil. Virgil Sparks.” He extended his hand out and offered a reassuring smile.

“Oh, um, I’m Logan Mars.” Logan shook Virgil’s hand and looked down in shame. “I’m sorry for my behaviour. I-it was incredibly uncalled for.”

“You’re right, but don’t sweat it. Come one,” Virgil stood and gestured to the offices, “let’s go check out this laptop, hey.”

 Logan slowly followed Virgil to his office, suddenly very aware of the immaturity of his actions. He was thankful that Virgil seemed so forgiving, anyone else would have called security or the police on him. It dawned on Logan that if that had been the case, he could have lost his scholarship and then his life would have been well and truly ruined.

“Thank you for not calling security.” Logan whispered as Virgil unlocked the office and started clearing the table of his work.

“Your welcome.”

“I’m serious. My behaviour was worthy of a call and that would have been the end of my time here. My scholarship would have b-”

“Lo, it’s fine.” Virgil finished boxing the gaming system and heaved it over to the corner of the room. “I wouldn’t jeopardise someone’s scholarship over a mental malfunction. I know what it’s like to lose everything over a simple mistake.”

“Pardon my question, but would you mind elaborating?”

Virgil let out a small chuckle as he searched through his boxes for tools and components for the laptop.

“I lost my scholarship due to a stupid mistake.” The look of sadness and curiosity in Logan’s eyes made Virgil nervous, but he continued. “I got into a fight in the middle of a lecture hall. Some moron made some…disgusting comments. I’ve spent my whole life being afraid to speak and listening to the shit people say about…”

Virgil couldn’t bring himself to say it. Shutting the closet door tight in his mind and quickly wiping a stray tear before Logan could see.

“Yeah, so, um… I decided to stand for what I believed in. Punches were thrown on both sides, but ultimately he ended up with a dislocated jaw and I ended up out of uni and out of money.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

 Logan couldn’t think of what else to say as Virgil set to work, pulling apart the laptop to inspect the components. Clearly, Virgil was a very multilayered individual. Logan had only seen the surface of who he was, and he was already fascinated with who the man was and who he wanted to be.

He watched curiously as Virgil pulled out various handmade devices and connected wires expertly in the sea of electrical components. Given the anatomy of a living organism, Logan could identify parts and their purposes with ease; but the scene before him now meant nothing. People had called Logan a genius his whole life, but watching Virgil now made him feel like a toddler in a 10th grade math class.

 “You are truly skilled in your field, Virgil. Are you taking classes elsewhere to hone your craft?”

Virgil laughed and turned to his own laptop screen, “I would need money to do that dude, and no one would give me another scholarship after losing my last one.”

“So where did you learn to do this?” Logan gestured at the table before him.

“At the Sparks institute of trial and error. Taught myself most things and Google has taught me the rest.”

“Unbelievable. You’re a genius.”

“Ew, seriously Logan, stop.” Virgil moved to grab a USB from his bag and plugged it into his laptop, pulling up another program and adjusting a few wires. “What I do is nothing special. I just know how stuff works.”

 Logan watched on in silence as Virgil continued. Clearly, he wasn’t going to take any of Logan’s compliments, and he didn’t give them out freely. The screen suddenly lit up with a document and Logan gasped and threw his arms around Virgil’s neck.

“You did it! You found it!”

“Ca-breathe.”

Quickly releasing Virgil, Logan apologised profusely for losing control of his emotions again. Virgil adjusted his shirt and fixed his hair as he set the computer to start copying the files across.

“You gotta settle down. I can’t guarantee that all your files are here, there is still a chance some of them are corrupted. I’ve got a program separating the corrupted files to a different USB and I’ll see what I can salvage and-“

Logan pulled Virgil into a hug, carefully this time. “Thank you so much, Virgil. If even half of my data and reports are safe, it’ll still be enough to show my professor.”

“I am not comfortable with this much physical contact with a stranger.”

Logan quickly let go and stepped back, “sorry. I, ah, went over the top again.”

 “Logan?”

The pair turned at the whispered voice to find Patton standing at the door, Roman protectively close by.

“Patton.” Logan’s voice was calmer now and it sounded strange to Virgil to hear him say Patton’s name in such a way.

“I’m so sorry, Logan. You’ve told me so many times not to be silly in the labs and I let you down. I’m sorry, Logie. Please forgive me.”

“Patton,” Logan took a deep breath and massaged his eyebrows. “You almost cost me everything. Without this data I would have had an incomplete research task which could have jeopardised my time here. Thankfully, Virgil was able to salvage some of my research. I-I-I’m so angry at you right now.”

Logan was staring intently at the corner of the office, while Patton’s eyes never left his friend, even as they filled with tears.

“I don’t think I can stop being angry with you for a while.” Roman placed a comforting hand on Patton’s shoulder as he let out a sob at Logan’s words. “I accept your apology, but I’m not ready to forgive you yet. Do you understand?”

Logan finally looked at Patton as he posed the question. Patton nodded and looked shocked as Logan held out his arms for a hug. Never one to refuse a hug, Patton raced forward and buried himself under Logan’s coat.

Virgil watched on awkwardly at the exchange. His mind trying to piece together the relationship between the three people in the room with him. Roman looked at his phone and started rapidly tapping on the screen.

 “I’ll make it up to you, Logan. I promise.” Patton managed to say, as his sobbing finally diminished. “You are my oldest friend and I would never purposefully do anything to ruin our friendship.”

“I know, Patton.” Logan looked over to Roman, who had just pocketed his phone. “Would you mind if Patton stayed with you and Katie for a while.”

“Wha-“ fresh tears started pouring from Patton’s eyes as he lent back to look up at Logan, but the man remained focused on Roman.

“Already organised, Lo.” Roman wrapped his arms around Patton’s waist from behind. “It’s ok, Pat. We’ve been meaning to spend more time together and Logan just needs some space.”

 Virgil didn’t think it was possible for Patton’s eyes to get any wider, but they did as Roman slowly backed them out of the room. When the sound of the door closing echoed through the library, Logan’s shoulders slumped once again but this time no tears fell.

“I’ve known Patton since I was seven years old. He’s like a brother to me. It kills me to push him away like that.”

“Then why did you?”

“He needs to learn that there are times that I need to be taken seriously. Besides, he and Roman needed a good excuse to take their relationship to the next level.”

———————————————————————

End note:

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it. More chapters to come in the future. Feel free to give me feedback, I am always happy to accept constructive feedback as it helps support my future writing. 

💜🐌

——————————————————————

Chapter 2 ----- Masterlist 

What else have I done:

The Perfect Ring (oneshot - analogical proposal)

You Promised (oneshot - prinxiety angst/injury/near death) 

Sides of a Hero (Completed Fic - sides are fusions of impulses and aspects of Thomas. Virgil has a depressing past that he is forced to face thanks to Deceit and Rage. Was canon compliant at the time of completion)

The Shield to your Sword (WIP - A fantasy/magic au - Prinxiety (Royal Roman and orphan Virgil - they’ll admit to their love eventually), Virgil angst, non binary, healer Logan, *spoiler* Patton) 

Check out my other blog for random fandom reblogs and stuff @snail-giggles

[ais-n]

Hi Ais! Sorry to bother you. I just need someone to talk to about this. I have been writing since i was like 15. My dream have always been to write a book. And i have started a lot of them but never finished anything. It’s like i get stuck at one point and feel my story is trash so i stop. Sometimes i find my plot boring and stupid and other times it’s my own inability to properly put it into words. I admire you and i wish i could write like you. I hope you never stop writing wonderful stories❤️

You’re so sweet, thank you!

I’m not sure if it would help to get a long ass rambling answer to this to encourage you to keep going based on my personal experience… but just in case it would, here goes:

It’s really hard to actually finish projects… starting them is so much easier. I get to a point where I’m like, “This is trash!” and/or I grow bored, and then I kind of peter out. I also have this unfortunate aspect of my personality where I figure I’m pretty unimportant and invisible, therefore what I have to say or write isn’t that particularly necessary for others to see, therefore it’s not that big of a deal if I just never post anything I did because I’d just be cluttering up the space where actual good writers or actual interesting people would be speaking instead. 

Sometimes I just want to write a story to see where it goes, and then once I get to a point I can figure out how it will probably end, and if no one else is reading it or interested in it, I’m kind of like, well I know how it ends so I guess there’s no real point in writing the rest of it out or posting it because that’s just extra work for no reason. It was a combination of that thought process, and the feeling of “this is trash! Start over!” that had me writing and rewriting and dropping and restarting and editing and dropping and rewriting Incarnations since I was 12-14… I keep forgetting if I started at 12, 13, or 14 on that book. I think 14? But then maybe it was actually 13? idek.

Point being, that was a book that I started, stopped, started, stopped, dropped entirely, on and off for years. The idea would be really strong in my head but then sometimes I’d forget about it for years, then remember it for a while, then avoid it because I felt like a failure. What I know is when I first wrote it, I got 150 pages before I thought it was trash and totally stopped it. In the ensuing 15ish years, I would think of that world and want to do something in it but I just did not want to pick up where I had left off. So what I did was I kept starting new scenes, creating new characters, adding new aspects to the world, and each time I’d get a little ways into it and then go UGH THIS IS BORING or THIS IS TRASH and stop/drop it again, until the next time when I started something new again. 

Around 2012, for Nanowrimo I tried starting it up again. I looked at the bits and pieces I’d written over the years, grabbed one of the scenes that seemed more interesting, started with that and ran with it. I met the requirements for nano, I liked the characters, I liked the new concept, but I still wasn’t sold on the book. I was kind of bored at the end of it because I didn’t fully know where I wanted to go with it… I was a little overwhelmed. It still didn’t really click with me to keep working on it again. I left it on the backburner for more years. 

At one point, I created a Scrivener project for it, and then as the years passed and I’d get a brief idea for something, I’d go open it up and throw that info into a note, or add a new document exploring the idea, or whatever. Sometimes I’d write another short scene, other times I’d just do that and go.

Sometimes I tried to do other stuff related to it which was not writing the actual book… like I created some Sims to look like the characters, to see if I wanted to change anything in the description when I got an idea of it visually. Far more recently, I started making some of the key buildings in Sims so I could get inspired for more details on those. Are they accurate? Absolutely not. But they gave me ideas. Same as I tried to store the inspiration I’d get when watching tv shows or movies or whatever, and it would make me think of the characters or world or some other aspect. If I was inspired to write, I’d go write a note or scene right then, but if it was just a vague inspiration I would just try to focus on it when it was there, and really acknowledge the importance of feeling that inspiration, but then not actually do anything about it. But that would keep it in my mind.

Another thing I did when I really wanted to write was I would go to sleep thinking about an aspect of the story, to try to make myself dream something related, so I would wake up with inspiration.

I also tried to inspire myself by buying some physical organization materials – I got a bunch of whiteboards so I could figure things out by writing it out, and I got a huge roll of white butcher paper so I could hand draw massive timelines for the characters to lay out their events and see whose overlapped with whose; I got a corkboard and pinned index cards and sticky notes to it and then took different colored strings and connected them across the board according to various criteria. I got notebooks and wrote out ideas and notes on the magic system and all sorts of things. I had gotten to a point where I was glad to have all the digital information but sometimes I needed something physical to work on, something tangible, so I felt like I actually had accomplished something and it wasn’t just in my head. I also made a book cover for the book (digitally) to remind myself to keep working on it, and made a digital map of the world with the help of a friend who’s good with geology so I had a reference I could hang about my computer.

Every time I had a thought or idea, or I had this vague restlessness of wanting to work on something but not feeling like actually writing, I tried to do something else related to it in some form. Usually world building or character creation of some sort, but sometimes just thinking about things.

I tried a lot of things, but in all honesty I figured I would never, ever finish that story. But then one day, and I don’t even remember what the catalyst was to be honest, it just… clicked. I had an idea for something, and when I went to write down that idea or do whatever with it, I remembered other notes I’d left over the years, other scenes, and I started looking at the massive amount of information I had compiled - and I realized, holy shit, I know how to connect this all. I found a way to pull together a lot of stories I’d made which I thought were all totally disconnected, and bring them into one theme. And when I did that, all these questions I had for this or that aspect of this or that, suddenly had really interesting answers or ideas I could roll with. 

I found a way to stop being bored. And now, when I find that I just really really don’t want to do the next thing, I try a few times to make myself do it if I’m just feeling like I’m being lazy, but if repeated attempts are unsuccessful then I throw myself a curveball in the story or plot or characters, and it becomes fun again to write and plot it out as I try to figure out how to integrate that. I do that until I run out of steam, and try the same things again.

Because of that, a couple of years ago, I finished the book, and I was really happy with it. I’m still proud of myself for finishing writing it, but now I’m on a two year slump of editing the damn thing. 

When I think back to the original story I wrote when I was younger, versus the book it became now and the series it’s starting, they are VERY different despite the fact that have the same initial basis. In fact, the original heroine of the book is now technically sort of a villain. Her story is the same; I just flipped the perspective. The original book was very base; I mean, at the time, I felt it would be interesting to write because it was a young woman as the main character with all the power, at a time when almost all the main characters I found to read were young men. 

But the thing is, it was otherwise a super basic concept. Young woman suddenly finds out she’s the chosen one, lots of cool magic, she goes through her whole storyline with how things affect the world around her, the end. The story might have worked and been interesting solely because I was like 14 when I wrote it; if it had been published then, people might have given me a bit of slack for some of the laziness just because I was young. But the story I have now, informed by decades of life and experience since then, is SO fucking much better than that book was originally. It’s way more complex, far more interesting, the worldbuilding is far beyond what I had before, the characters are more nuanced, the cast is more diverse, the prejudices are more tailored. I’m GLAD I put that book aside a million times. I’m GLAD I didn’t finish it any of the times I had it in my head I had to finish it by the time I was xyz age. I feel like the series it is now is going to be far beyond what it would have been if I’d run with the original idea.

You know what helped me A LOT in actually finishing it in the end? Aside from everything I said? 

I asked some friends to beta read it for me. And the people who read it really liked it, and gave me ideas on how to improve it. Their interest renewed my own interest and gave me enthusiasm I sometimes lacked on my own. I care a hell of a lot more about actually finishing something if someone else cares if I finish it.

Someone once asked Neil Gaiman how to be a good writer and get published, and one of his biggest recommendations was to just finish writing a book. He also said not to conform; to write the story that you want to write, that is right for you. I feel the same way, which is nice because Neil Gaiman is super dope so I feel better that my feeling is reflected in an actual successful and great writer. I feel a little safer in having my weird ass view on things, which is that I don’t believe in genres, really, or rather I don’t really believe in writing a story specifically for the boxes checked off for a specific genre. 

For me, anyway. It’s totally fine for others, if that’s their jam - there can be some great stories that way! 

But for me, I literally just do not want to write a story at all if I have to make it fit someone else’s label. I lose all interest in it and give up completely. I think that’s probably because when I started writing, it was because I was a nerdy ass  youngster who couldn’t find books that felt like they represented me exactly or what exactly I wanted to read, so I was kind of just like, “I guess I’ll write it, then.” There are tons of books out there that do fit the criteria of the genres, and they can be SUCH fun and good books to read… the people who write those books excel at that type of writing, and so if they tried doing anything else they would not be true to themselves. 

We need those writers and we need those books. But we also need the writers and the books that just say fuck it to everything and do what they want. You may not be as popular, or you may find it difficult to go the traditional route; maybe you can’t become a full-time writer, if everything is stacked against you, I don’t know. But you can write what feels right for you, and there will always be readers out there who needed that book to feel right for them.

My hope for you is you don’t silence yourself and your stories like I tend to do. I hope you finish your books/stories, and I hope you share them. There is probably someone out there wishing your book existed, and until you write it, they won’t have that exact perspective and that exact story to read. Don’t get discouraged if it takes you a long time; and don’t downplay the value of walking away and not thinking about it for a while at a time. But I do think there’s definite value in always coming back.

So what I hope you do for yourself is find some easy way to compile all the different information you’ve formed for your book(s) over the years so that you make it really easy on yourself to add extra bits and pieces as you go. I hope that you do other things that aren’t specifically writing but still get your creativity going for the stories - whether that’s making Sims, drawing art, writing things out on paper or whiteboards, doing everything digitally, doing everything physically, whatever it may be. I hope you find ideally a few someones to read what you have so far, get their take on it, and I hope they are enthusiastic enough to help you keep it in the forefront of your mind.

I TOTALLY understand having wanted to be a writer since you were young… I have always wanted to be a writer, as far back as I can remember. (Of course, if you go back far enough, I also wanted to be a veterinarian or other things too). 

My goal is still to someday be an actual author. I feel like I’m not, still, but maybe someday I will be. 

I used to put a ton of pressure on myself to finish things by certain ages, and when I missed my goal I got depressed and thought I was the worst and why bother, no one wants to read it anyway, and etc etc etc. Also, for like 10 of those years I was working on ICoS and that really took my mental energy and creative interest as a focus so I didn’t really even want to work on my LGBTQIA+ fantasy books for a while. But as time passed, and objectively looking at the story I have now compared to the story it was before, I think it was far better that I didn’t force the story before I was ready to write it, but also that I didn’t let myself just put it off forever and never make myself work on it again. 

There is no age limit to being a writer… first of all, you’re a writer if you write, so if you already wrote a bunch of books or parts of any stories - you are already a writer. You’ve already accomplished something awesome! But if your goal is to be a paid author/writer, then whether you are one now or one in 20 years or even 70, you still can be a writer. You still can fulfill that dream. Never give up on it, for yourself and for the diversity and complexity of the stories out there in the world, and for the readers who would want to see what you have to say.

Nanowrimo is next month… maybe you could start thinking about the stories you’ve worked on so far, see if any strike your fancy for exploring a bit further, or just take the general concept of one of the worlds and create a totally new set of characters and plotline on that world. Whether or not you end up liking that new plot, the new characters, it will still give you a more nuanced view of the world itself. It might spark an idea now or 20 years from now. It might, someday, be the key to finishing the story.

Don’t devalue the importance of those little bits and pieces, or the importance of taking your time but never giving up, or of even just talking the story out to others and seeing what they have to say. I constantly think what I write is boring and stupid, I constantly get suddenly bored with something and just cannot for the life of me write the next chapter no matter what because it sucks ass. 

So I switch it up. I push aside for a moment what I thought I had to do next, and then I ask myself, “What can I add that would make me actually want to write this?” I’ve found that by doing that, you can get some super interesting new ideas that coordinate together out of nowhere later if you just keep going. 

So maybe for nano, you can ask yourself, “What would I want to write in this world or this character’s life, etc, that would make me actually want to write it?” Completely forget about it fitting perfectly with what you have. Screw that. Just make it fun for you. I feel like it’s a very natural writer thing to do where even if you start with something that seems extremely disparate, as long as they’re following the same general world rules, eventually you’ll have an epiphany that ties it all together. 

Also ask yourself, are you trying to make the characters conform to the plot, or letting the plot conform to the characters? If your world or characters want to veer totally off from what was planned, as long as it’s in character - follow them, not your plans. You wrote those plans when you had a limited understanding of the characters and world… the time you spent with them since then is valuable and shouldn’t be ignored. If they want to send you on a wild goose chase into the middle of nowhere when they’re supposed to be doing something else entirely, do it. Follow that goose. See where it leads you, and then see how fun it is trying to make your way back.

Maybe you can try that this nano (or just do a totally new story altogether if that’s your jam instead), and see where it takes you. Maybe you can find some people to read it, and maybe you can track all the info you put together, no matter how small and stupid it may seem. And maybe, someday, you’ll be able to look back years later like me, and thank your past self for never giving up and for keeping that information accessible so that one day, far down the line, you’d have everything you needed at your fingertips when a sudden idea inspires you to look at your story, characters, or world, from an angle you’d never considered before.

Also, fwiw, I like to always throw one thing in that’s a bit unexpected, if possible, into characters or plots. In all honesty, I do that in part because I get bored affffff very easily so I want to keep myself entertained. But it also makes for a lot more interest, I think, in the characters. Like, whatever the plot is, or the character is, think about what would be the easy next thing… think about what the stereotype of that would be. And then deliberately choose something either completely different or a little bit off in order to introduce intrigue.

ICoS, for example - Boyd was judged a lot for many things, and he wasn’t really good around people naturally. It would have been easy to say that because he was kind of socially distant/awkward he would suck at undercover, but to me that wasn’t interesting. Instead, he could go undercover and be very good at it when needed because, despite his natural reticence to trust others, he had spent his life watching other people trying to learn their behavior/mimic them to understand why people didn’t like him. So even though on his own he would hate going into a party or have no fucking clue what to say, if he was playing a character, he was very good at it because he had gathered that information for years. Instead of saying that because he was bullied he didn’t know how to deal with people, I said he knew how to deal with people because he was bullied.

Incarnations, for example - Vikenti is a magical cop who’s really grouchy, kind of rude, kind of a dick. He spends most of his time seemingly insulting everyone around him. It would have been easy to just make him be a dick cop who grumps on everyone and does nothing beyond the job. And yet, he’s taken under his wing a young woman who others see as a monster. A young woman who everyone who knows the story of their background would think he would have every reason to hate. And you also see him helping this random girl get a memento even though he easily could have ignored it because, ultimately, she had nothing to do with him. There’s also an Empath who’s a pretty good dude who has the biggest crush on him even though their sexual orientations don’t line up. Everyone wonders how this Empath can even like him when he’s such an asshole, but then you have to ask yourself, wouldn’t an Empath of all people know best who to trust and who not? There are scenes with Vikenti, who seems like a super straight and straight-laced dude who doesn’t know how to explore emotions beyond insulting people, where he is the one there who catches someone when they fall, or says just the right thing when it’s needed. Because he’s an asshole, but not an asshole. He cares but just doesn’t care.

So, if you’re bored with parts of your stories or characters, I also really encourage throwing dichotomy and contradictions in there. Take something solid on the story, and then think of something that seems to be at odds with that, and make that be a solid part of it too. Now you have something interesting to explore… how someone or something can be these two seemingly contradictory things in the same form. I find that can help me stay interested, too.

Anyway, I’ve rambled enough and am probably not very helpful, I’m sorry :( I just wanted you to know I totally know what you mean, and precisely because of that, I know without a doubt you can do this. You will finish the story or stories you need to finish. I 100% believe in you, and I hope you can get to a point where you 100% believe in yourself too.

Happy writing, my friend! You are going to finish your stories and they’re going to be fantastic! And if they aren’t fantastic the first draft, that’s the way it is for pretty much everyone - all you have to do is keep working on them until they are. You will absolutely get there, because it’s a journey you already started long ago. You’ve come this far and there’s a lot more waiting for you as you go forward. My writing voice is no better or worse than anyone else’s, it’s just what feels right for me. Your writing voice is yours and therefore inherently lovely. Which means, if you wish you could write like me, you absolutely can: by writing like yourself. I bet you already are, you just can’t see it because of how stressful it can be in the middle of the millionth project feeling like you got nowhere previously. But if you keep going, keep pushing, I know you won’t regret it later, and I know the story you end up finishing will be exactly the story you needed to write at that time, and somewhere out there in this world, someone will be incredibly grateful to you for having written and shared it.

(Oh btw the thing I was talking about is Incarnations - and the first 4 chapters are out free here if you want context on the stuff I mentioned, in case somehow it helps? I really need to edit it… I keep putting it off, but your message is making me want to start it up again, so thank you!

[abdicatedarchive]

the aftermath || chase and marina

𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍: chase’s house // 7th of february 2021.

𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: chase x marina.

𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐑𝐒: none?

𝐃𝐄𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐋𝐒: chase is devastated by his breakup with gabrielle, and marina comes over to comfort him.

@chasinwaterfalls: single :( not by choice 🤡🤡🤡

DMs: @marinaholly: you okay? maybe a quest can help!

DMs: @chasinwaterfalls: biggest quest I am doing is moving from the couch to my bed

DMs: @marinaholly: :( what happened?

DMs: @chasinwaterfalls: she dumps me all the time, but i think she was actually serious this time, she hasn't talked to me in a few days

DMs: @marinaholly: im sure everything will work out. i can come over if you want?

DMs: @chasinwaterfalls: i am a mess, but please do

DMs: @marinaholly: omw

Chase usually kept a pretty clean house, but there were dishes crowding the sink and bags of trash waiting by the door for him to take out. The maid usually came by once a week, but he had told her to go away this morning. He was too ashamed to have her clean up his mess. He had been watching Bachelor re-runs of his favorite seasons for the last two days, and eating whatever he felt like ... if he did feel like eating. He had sweatpants on and a big baggie hoodie, just becoming one with the couch.

Marina decided to stop by a connivence store and grab a bunch of candy for Chase in hopes that it would cheer him up a bit. She also snuck a bottle of wine from her house, hoping her mom wouldn’t catch on. Though Marina was technically the one to do the breaking up in her relationship with Kyle, she was very familiar with heartbreak. Once she got to the Hale’s property, she made her way over to Chase’s house and knocked on the door. She would have dressed up a bit more, but it was Chase. She was comfortable being around him in the casual clothes she was in.

Chase heard the knock at the door and called out loudly, "ITS UNLOCKED, COME AND MURDER ME!" Chase felt beyond exhausted to begin with. All his friends were so happy right now, and the break ups usually didn't last ... but this one felt more real than the others. He hadn't even seen his daughter in a few days, he had just been absorbed by the couch. "Hey Marina" he said looking over at her, not moving his body at all.

Marina opened the door and noticed how messy the house was. He usually kept it pretty clean, but she understood how it could get to this state considering the fact that he just got dumped. They had been together for so long, this must have hurt so much. She was in a groupchat with Gabrielle and Juliette, but she hadn't mentioned anything yet. It was actually pretty quiet in there recently. Marina made a mental note to clean the place up later. She headed to his room and walked in slowly, "Hello. Deliver for Chase Stephens." she said as she held up the candy and wine. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel like death" said Chase, realizing he had not brushed his teeth in a hot minute. "I will be right back, make yourself comfortable in the depression crevice." Chase headed off to his bathroom to go brush his teeth and quickly came back, "Okay now I'm not completely disgusting" said the boy as he plopped back down on the couch, "You want to watch the bachelor?" he joked as he turned the TV off. Chase put his head in Marina's lap, "Thanks for coming over here, the guys just don't get it. They're all way too happy right now."

Marina frowned at her friend and sat down on the couch as she waited for him to come back. "Well we could if you want." she said, trying to keep the mood as positive as possible. "Whatever you want, I'm up for." she nodded once. Marina looked down at Chase once he laid his head on her lap. She automatically began to run her fingers through his hair, it was just something she did a lot to Kyle. "Of course." she spoke softly. "Do you want to talk about it? Or maybe I could talk to her for you? I don't want to make anything worse for you though."

Chase sighed as she ran her fingers through his hair, "I know we're gonna get like ... back together at some point. There was a lot of crying, and she was really mad and I was really mad. I think I did the breaking up in the end, but she definitely started it" Chase rambled, "It just sucks because she just ... she fucking keeps me on the line all the time because she knows I'm going to come back to her". He was weak like that. He loved her so much, and he would do anything for her. It had all just become too much. "It's just bullshit, because when we started dating in the 8th grade, I wasn't really wondering things like if she liked what I liked or anything like that. She just thought I was funny, and that was what made me happy. That I could make her laugh, and I love her laugh. Like I seriously love it, but I just feel like other than that we have nothing in common sometimes. Like there's this huge disconnect."

It hurt to hear Chase say that Gabrielle simply knew he would come back to her. Marina was in a very different situation, it almost felt wrong to try and find some common thread between his relationships issues and hers since she was the problem, but sometimes she felt that way. That no matter what Kyle did, who he hooked up with, she would go back to him in heartbeat. It was just a matter of when he'd actually ask her to be his girlfriend again. She settled for what he was giving her right now. "Don't let her have that hold on you. It doesn't seem right for her to treat you however she wants because she knows you'll go back to her. That's just not fair." she tried giving some kind of advice, but it was hard. "Maybe you both could try getting into each other interests? I mean, if you want to try and fix things with her. Like, maybe bring her to a LARPing session. That might be fun." she suggested with a small smile.

The missing piece of the puzzle was of course that Chase and Gabrielle had a kid together, and he lived there. That's what made it all messy, and made him love her just that much more. Chase shook his head when she suggested he bring Gabrielle along, "She doesn't even like dressing up for sex. Closest thing she'd ever do to Larping is she dressed up for Halloween" he replied. They had argued about it a bunch, and they didn't even do a couples costume. "It just doesn't make sense, because she does the costumes for the theatre department. It has to do with the fact that she thinks her dressing up for me is like ... me imagining her as someone else. Which is bullshit, it's just having sex in a character. It's fun, I'm ... I'm fucking assuming. I haven't gotten to try it. I'm off on a tangent, please just tell me to shut up."

"Oh. She won't even try it out once? I've also heard it's fun. Haven't tried it out myself, but here's to hoping one day I could." Marina raised her shoulders and laughed under her breath. She wasn't sure if her ex would be into that, she hadn't brought it up to him before. "No you're fine. Rosie & I go on tangents all the time. We get so off track, it's insane." she smiled, thinking about how chaotic her and her sister's conversations could get. "Plus, it's good to get it all out. You said you couldn't really go to the boys about it, so I don't want you to hold back." she told him. "Have you ever talked to Gabrielle about this? That you feel like there's a disconnect between you both?"

"What am I gonna do, say hey babe. You don't like anything that I like and that sucks. It's just gonna hurt her feelings if I talk like that, I can just keep doing what I do and slowly showing her stuff until she finds something she likes. Not that it matters right now because we're done currently" Chase continued on. He felt like he was putting a lot of weight on Marina, "I'm sorry for being so angry, I'm just so frustrated and I'm tired of crying. I'm ... I'm ready to be mad" he added.

"Well I know she doesn't have to like the things you like, but she could always be supportive of it? Maybe that's not the word." Marina shook her head, trying to find the words. "Like with Kyle, he's super into music. That's his life. I'm terrible with all of that, but I would always go see him perform wherever it was. Even if it was for the marching band back then, I just liked going for him. It made him happy. I would even ask him to teach me how to play something every now and then even though I knew I wouldn't catch on." she explained with a dumb smile on her face as she thought back on those times. "Our interests or hobbies could be a very big part of who we are, so I get why you're frustrated." Marina shook her head as Chase apologized, "Oh please, I'm the last person you need to apologize to for being angry. If you need to get mad, get mad." That wasn't the best advice, but Marina wasn't very good herself at controlling those type of emotions.

"And that's really sweet of you, but music is cool and entertaining even for people who don't participate. She doesn't want to hear me explain my comic books or show her my action figures" said Chase, cooling off a little. He sighed as he sat up to face Marina, "It just sucks, because in a few days she is going to have some guy over and I'm going to hear about it at school, because that's what always happens. One time they were in the pool and I saw them flirting and whatever right in front of my house. I've kissed three people that weren't her in my entire life, and she's had sex with other people" said the boy, "and then we're going to date again and I'm going to have to think about that, and it's ... it's just all shitty. Do you want to watch a movie? I feel like a movie would make things better. I need to distract myself"

Marina nodded her head as she listened to Chase. She understood where he was coming from, but she always enjoyed hearing people gush about the things they were passionate about, though she kept that comment to herself. This wasn't about her, or making Gabrielle look worse, this was about Chase right now. "So why don't you try getting with someone? Maybe it'll take your mind off of it." Yet again, not great advice, but Marina was naturally a very jealous person and liked to make things even. "We could watch a movie. What do you have in mind?"

He looked at her when she said that he should try to get with someone, he immediately had a horny idiot boy thought about being with her. He shoved that thought straight out of his mind, that would be so chaotic and messy. She was his best confidant, and the only person in town that wasn't Jonah that shared all his interests. They had a LARP campaign together, it was a dumb thought. Chase turned to Marina with a smile, "Why don't we ... simply just watch all the bring it ons?" Chase loved the bring it on franchise, "I have all the DVDs don't worry" he said, getting up and opening up the DVD cupboard, pulling all the disks out. "Obviously I don't own a physical copy of cheersmack, but we don't need to watch that anyways" he added with a laugh as he put in the first disk and came back to the couch to sit next to her.

Marina noticed that Chase didn't comment on her suggestion and she quickly regretted bringing it up. If he wanted to get back together with Gabrielle, it was best to not try and mess anything up. She also couldn't help but feel like a bad friend towards Gabrielle. Marina was definitely closer to Chase, whether his ex-girlfriend knew that or not, but she was slowly getting closer to Gabrielle through Juliette. She didn't want to ruin anything. As he began to speak, she could have sworn he was going to suggest that they do something together, something physical. But he brought up watching Bring It On and it caused her to let out an awkward laugh. She was almost embarrassed for thinking that. "There's never a wrong time to watch Bring It On. We can definitely pass on cheersmack. The only good thing about that one is Imogen from Degrassi and Christian from Dance Academy." she said as she passed him the candy she bought him.

"Stoppp, don't say Dance Academy to me. Now I'm either going to have to watch the sammy death reactions on youtube or watch the whole show over again" Chase said with a laugh as he took the candy and opened it up. "You're the best, you know that right?" he said as he passed her the open box.  "Did you want wine? I also have some here if you don't want to get in trouble with your folks" Chase added as he got up to go get them two wine glasses and the bottle opener.

Marina sank into the couch once Chase mentioned Sammy's death, "Oh god, it gets me every time. But I will happily watch the whole show over again with you. Rosie and I haven't watched it in so long." She looked over at him with a proud smile, flashing her teeth in his direction. "I try my best." she stated before taking some candy for herself. "Nah don't worry about it. It's already out of the house, I've accepted my fate." Marina and her mother had been getting into more arguments lately, whether it was from her constant fights at school or her frequent partying. One more fight won't make much of a difference at this point.

"I cry like a bitch, I will be honest" said the boy, smirking a little at the admission. He put the glasses over by them and opened up the wine bottle, pouring two big glasses. "Are you cold?" he asked as he passed her a glass and held his own, "I have some big blankets". The movie was already playing, but it wasn't like they were really going to miss anything. They had both already had seen it so many times. Chase pulled the blanket up over the both of them as he sat next to her. "Cheers" he said as he clinked his glass to hers and started drinking. He kept thinking about what she had said though, that little voice at the back of his head. Telling him to get even with her, level the playing field. Maybe he should ask her to tell Gabrielle that they did something, that was stupid though. He had gotten caught in that lie last time.

"Aww I'll make sure to bring some tissues so you can wipe your tears." Marina teased the boy, as if she doesn't also cry like a bitch over the character's death. She grabbed the glass and nodded her head in response to his question, "A little." Once the blankets were over them, she unintentionally scooted a bit closer to him. It didn't mean anything, she was just a fan of cuddling. Who could blame her? "Cheers!" she repeated before tapping her glass against his gently and taking a big sip. As she was taking her sip, she noticed the bracelet she gave him for Christmas on his wrist. "Hey, nice bracelet. You get that from someone? They must have great taste." she joked with a grin on her face.

Chase was immediately comforted by Marina sitting close to him, he was just so used to cuddling with Gabrielle during movies if she wasn't chasing their kid around. Chase was taking a sip when she asked about the bracelet, "Oh this old thing? Had it forever, cute girl gave it to me in another life" he teased back. Chase wondered if he was pushing some kind of boundary, he would have acted exactly like this when he was dating Gabrielle. Maybe he would have sat a little further away, but calling her cute was nothing new. He felt like he was making up the tension that was building for him.

Marina's small smile grew as Chase mentioned the girl being cute. No matter how insignificant it was for him, comments like that meant a lot to her. She needed to be told something like that to actually believe it, just for a little bit. Hearing it from Chase felt a little different though, maybe it was just the fact that she was particularly lonely right now, but she tried not to think too hard on it. "From another life and you're wearing it now? She must be real special then." she continued to tease him. "I got a feeling you mean a lot to her too."

"My writer thought it would be good for continuity if I wore it across all multiverses" Chase teased as he broke the fourth wall. "Oh is that so" said the boy as he took another sip of wine, the movie playing out in front of them, but neither of them were paying any attention. He was just making eye contact with her and smiling. He knew that he was going to go crawling back to Gabrielle, but something about this made him want her to come crawling back to him. Something about the way she was looking at him.

"Very smart of them." Marina giggled as she nodded her head. "Mhm." she hummed as she shifted a bit to be facing him more directly. "I get why too. You just seem to draw people in." she said as she looked into his eyes. She should have held back and just continued watching the movie, but she couldn't stop. Part of her didn't want to stop. "It might be the hair, it's powerful." she said with a smile. "Or maybe it's that biiiig smile of yours. Very cute." she told him as her eyes travelled down to his lips.

This was most definitely a signal, and this was his only chance. If he blew this he would never kiss Marina Hollingsworth. Not that he had really thought about it at all until right now, but he definitely wanted to. He wanted to pull her in for a kiss, but let's face it. He's a bottom and a whimp. There was no way this girl actually wanted to kiss him, she was just naturally flirty. So was he. "You have that effect on people too" said Chase, staring at her mouth. He was still thinking about kissing her, but he just didn't have the balls to do it.

Marina found herself inching closer and closer to him as he spoke. Any thought of being a good friend to both Chase and Gabrielle went straight out the window. They were both in weird situations with their relationships. But that was the thing, they both weren't in relationships right now, they were free to do what they want. "Yeah? Do I have that effect on you?" she asked as she looked up to his eyes, their lips almost touching at this point.February 9, 2021

He knew he shouldn't be doing any of this, first things first ... she was a teammate. Second thing, she was his larping teammate. Third thing, she was definitely friends with his ex on some level. Fourth thing, she was one of his closest friends. Fifth thing, Chase put his hand on the nape of her neck and pulled her in to kiss her slowly and softly as he put his wine glass down on the table.

Marina closed her eyes as she felt his lips on hers, moving in her closer to him as he did so. She shouldn't have let it get this far, but she was too into the moment to stop. This would be something she'd worry about later, not right now. Marina placed her glass on the table beside his before wrapping her arm around his neck and slowly moving her hand up through his hair.

Chase was sure he should stop, but he couldn't bring himself to. He put his hands on her hips to guide her onto his lap. Chase felt like he should say something, "Is this okay?" he asked under his breath. That was such a stupid thing to say, why did he say that. He was so embarrassed, her put his lips back on hers before she should answer.

Marina placed her hands on Chase's shoulders as she moved on top of him. She was about to answer when he immediately went back to kissing her. It caught her off guard, but she pulled away to speak anyways, "Is this okay?" she asked back. "Should we stop? Do you want to stop?" she asked quietly, her nerves were slowly kicking in. She was worried she was doing something wrong or wasn't pleasing him in some way.

Chase looked up at her and put his hand on her cheek, "You are so hot, it's kinda making me stupid" said Chase honestly. His brain was cloudy from all the crying and sleeping he had been doing for the last few days. His body definitely wanted Marina, that was more than evident. He just didn't want to use her, and he knew he would be with Gabrielle again. "Do you want to keep going?" he asked.

Marina couldn't help but smile at Chase's comment, it slowly eased her tension. She was so fragile when it came to her self esteem. Anything could set her off, but simple compliments fueled her confidence. She needed this kind of distraction anyways, they both did. "Yes, definitely." she said sweetly with the nod of her head before going back in to kiss him slowly.

She said definitely, his whole body relaxed a little. She wanted to do this, and Marina wasn't just doing it out of pity ... well at least not entirely. She put her lips back on his and he moved his tongue into her mouth for a while as they kissed. When their lips parted, Chase knew he was putting his foot in his mouth, "Just two friends, doing very good friend stuff" he replied nervously, "You can shut me up anytime".

Marina cupped the sides of Chase’s face and moved her body up against his as they continued to kiss. She looked at him with a small smile on her face as he spoke again, she couldn’t help but find his nervous comments endearing. “You do this with all your friends? Now I don’t feel so special anyone.” she teased him before kissing down his jaw and to his neck.

This with Marina, it felt like Chases first time all over again. That same nervous excitement, it was an intangible high that he had completely forgotten. He had never done anything like this with anyone. Yeah he had kissed Chanel and ... Thalia. But this was so different. Chanel Hampton was beyond beautiful and very sexy, but that was very transactional. The only rush he had gotten from it was the feeling of getting under Gabrielle’s skin. This? With Marina? It was life giving. “Me and Jonah every Monday night mid clone wars” said Chase, a little out of breath as she worked her way down his neck, letting out a little laugh from the joke and because it tickled.

Marina was quickly becoming more comfortable with all of this. She always felt like she needed to be the best at everything she did, but being around Chase was a breath of fresh air. When she LARPed with him, she never had those worries and that sense of comfort was transferring over to this moment. “That’s some stiff competition.” she continued on with the joke. “But I don’t like to lose.” she told him before sitting up straight and removing her shirt. Marina couldn’t tell how far they were taking this, but her confidence was kicking in again and she didn’t want to hold back. She leaned forward once more to give him a hickey right on the side of his neck.

Chase was going to make a comment about how Jonah is a straight up stud, but when the girl took her shirt off his mind went blank. “Wow, wow” said the boy. He knew it was stupid to say, but he honestly couldn’t control his mouth when hers was on his neck. Chase was aware she was leaving a hickey, but he honestly was going to need the reminder that this wasn’t a dream. “Do you want to go to my room?” he asked as he put his lips on her neck, moving down slowly to the exposed skin.

- Fade to Black - 

[fightersagainstnarccistic]

More of Valkyrie Western Martial Arts Bullshido

Randy is a really bad source of information for martial arts and fitness.

We can prove this in numerous ways.

Here is Randy giving nutrition advice which has clearly never worked for himself http://boxwrestlefence.com/blog/2013/09/18/power-stars/

And here is Randy talking about how he doesn't need to diet even though admits he is over weight

http://boxwrestlefence.com/blog/2012/07/12/sixty-pound-cupcake/

These posts were made in 2013 and 2012. So what has been the consequences of Randy’s lifestyle choices and bad nutritional ideas?

Well.....it’s not good. 

Randy calls it a “broken ticker”.

That’s a really cute way of saying heart disease.

Randy’s lifestyle choices, all his earlier ranting about how everyone else has a poor understanding of fitness than he does, have amounted to developing heart disease at 50 years old. 

This is important for us to stress. His bullshido that he teaches to others, is actually killing him.

Here is some other relevant bullshido that Randy has spouted over the years and taught to his students instead of just losing weight and dieting like a normal sane person,

Randy incorrectly claiming mobility is the key to being healthy, and ignoring what is going on inside the body itself,

http://boxwrestlefence.com/blog/2013/08/21/strong-body/

Here is Randy dismissing well established science on how fatness is unhealthy http://boxwrestlefence.com/blog/2013/08/19/healthy-body/

This is all blatantly incorrect and a ridiculous claim for a self-styled fitness coach to be saying.

That is not how somatotype body types are classified, and it’s not a strictly scientific approach to fitness anyway, and is often mis-used by fitness gurus who are more woo-woo than substance. Someone who claims to understand sports science should know this. 

Also, “Fat” and “overweight” mean the exact same thing, and playing little games of semantics won’t change this reality even if they make your ego feel better.

Speaking of Randy’s bullshido, here are a bunch of various psuedo-intellectual ramblings that Randy has posted over the years and which his cult has eaten up like pigs eating slop at a trough.

We said in a prior post that Valkyrie is the Scientology of the HEMA community. We stand by this statement.

This guy actually believes he is more intelligent than everybody else and these people who support him feed his narcissism.

So this one is interesting, not just because it is total fucking nonsense, but because his cult members, I mean students, such as Kaja, eat it up.

Oh, you “get it”, do you?

God you guys really would drink the Kool-Aid if he started passing out cups, wouldn’t you? You’re that far gone. 

So much pseudo-intellectual bullshido man. So much.

Here’s some more big brain stuff,

We’re telling you. This is the Scientology of HEMA.

But we want you to read some of the comments he gets to the above post from the more easily malleable among us.

It’s a cult guys.

Valkyrie is a cult.

And they’re all going down the rabbit hole to Wonderland.

Yeah well, I am pretty sure if I smash someone in the head with a sledgehammer instead of with a fork, their skull is going to take a lot more damage from the sledgehammer. 

Likewise I am very certain that thrusting with a spear generates more force than with a long sword. Which is why currently we can safely practice at high intensity with long sword fencing, but not do the same with polearms.

That’s kind of how physics work. But you’d have to let go of all your bullshido ideas to join us in the real world to accept this. 

Speaking of,

Pretty sure that has not a damn thing to do with real combat.

We’re going to cap this section off by showcasing where Randy really shows he is heavily influenced by movies he watches.

So. Much. Bullshit.

Dude, we’re all mutants. That’s kind of how evolution works.

But he’s developed this entire theory just so he can feel better about his disabilities.

And even appropriated the label of ‘veteran’ for himself, too. Good going Professor X. You’re way deep into denial now.

Down below, here is an article where Randy claims competitive athletes are afraid of his bullshido class workouts, because they are so “intense” because they do basic gymnastic tumbling exercises,

http://boxwrestlefence.com/blog/2014/08/05/growing-power/

Which, by the way, Randy is convinced are all very relevant for combat. 

They are not, which is why military combatives training does not incorporate hand stands and cart wheels. Far more relevant exercises are focused on instead like push ups and jogging.

If you’d like a laugh, here’s Randy having a big brain moment where he makes several outrageous claims about how much smarter he is than most everyone else,

http://boxwrestlefence.com/blog/2014/07/28/accepting-average/

Okay, enough poking at him for being arrogant. 

If you spend time reading through Randy’s blog posts you will discover they are a mess of disconnected thoughts, mixed in with narcissistic statements, woo and bullshido 

I mean, there was even that  time where Randy started referring to Capo Ferro as “Wolf Lord of Blades” because he became a fan of Game of Thrones, 

http://boxwrestlefence.com/blog/2013/07/17/the-wolf-lord-of-blades/

,And here is an article where Randy speaks negatively of professional sport tournaments for having gender specific divisions. 

http://boxwrestlefence.com/blog/2017/03/31/fitting-everyone-into-tournaments/

This is probably around the time that Randy began fully embracing the woke stuff in order to appeal more to the new demographic he started focusing on with Valkyrie, who were easier than trying to get more experienced athletes who understood basic tumbling exercises are not the epitome of martial arts training and could not be so easily sold on his bullshido.

He totally ignores all of the numerous, very obvious physical differences between men and women which give men huge advantages in sports, which is why these gender divisions exist. It’s not designed to put women down. It’s to allow them to have a field to compete on where they won’t be completely outclassed by men. 

Feminism as an ideology is fine, but we have to accept biological differences based on human evolution. Just because we no longer need to fight against damn near everything on the planet to survive doesn’t mean all the athletic advantages men have to protect women during their pregnancy periods have magically vanished into our imaginations. They are still inherent to our biology and need to be recognized. You cannot wish them away with ideologies. 

At this point we hope we’ve shown enough of the true side of Randy and his school, and how it operates that you can feel confident that something is not right with Valkyrie, and it is actually a cult.

A cult led by a very unstable person, who manipulates other unstable people down rabbit holes. 

And at present they have decided to attack a rival school with their full might. 

Let that sink in abit. 

Next article

Additional abusers who assist Valkyrie https://fightersagainstnarccistic.tumblr.com/post/624699657862381568/additional-narcissistic-abusers-who-assist

[ithejuggernaut]

I notice someone make a post like this so I'm gonna be a poser and do the same.

Writing a letter to each sign of my own experience with them.

Aries: I don't know an aries and that's not shade but I've been told you guys are angry all the time and I'll go with that. So here's the thing I will annoy the shit out of you because I'm the type to push a mad person in a way of amusement because life is too short and you should just laugh. Just make jokes about shit. It's fun.

Taurus: I know a hand full of you, and I know how uptight you can get because I am one myself. We are either really selfish or really kind and giving. One of the two I know is really kind and easy to get along with but I could just be biased. All I know is that you can have a heart of gold or be a complete asshole and it's something we need to work on. I don't want to ramble too much but you are really easy to talk if people know you. for some reason if they don't they feel intimidated which is rediculous because you are really harmless.

Gemini: you are really really weird. You are nearly impossible to read although you think you are the most obvious of us and you're wrong. It's almost like in a delusional sense too, you really think people should know those two sides of you, right off the bat and it's really just not like that all. You can be really cool to vibe with because this sign tends to have a different point of view in the weirdest ways and to me that's interesting and annoying. Because.....make up your mind about certain things jeez.

Cancer: you emotional fucks...I swear. I think I'm talking to a reasonable person one moment then all the sudden you are pissed because I mentioned something that you took wrong or you get overly offensive because to you I raised my voice or came off as mad to you when I was probably wasnt. Don't get me wrong when you are in a good mood, you are really nice but like....you are never consistently in a good mood because you are always offended. Stop being offended over everything, it's not the end of the world. Not to mention, you don't let shit go.

Leo: ok, I really don't know how to describe you to any justice. Ummmm. You find one person that you really like, you befriend them and basically try to change them into everything that YOU want them to be. You like attention, you have really obnoxious obsessions with things and even people. You are a half ass friend, you don't really care if it doesn't involve you and at times I felt you were being really cool but now that I look back it was probably just manipulation.

Virgo: I talked to one of you romantically for a while and it was probably one of the weirdest experiences I've ever had. I'm glad we were never serious because something in my gut told me you were not a faithful person. I felt like you had potential to be good but still something was off about you like I couldn't trust you. It was fun while it lasted though. You were really insightful and knew a whole bunch of shit. You were weird though and put me off alot.

Libra: I really don't have a whole lotta bad things to say about you. I thought you were really kind and had a big heart, I think at the time I tried to give and give to you but I always felt like it wasn't enough. You never gave me a reason not to trust you and to me that means alot. You cared about others and you liked to party alot so your wild side was really really wild. I think this is a pretty trustworthy sign, never had a bad experience. Pretty chill laid back people.

Scorpio: actually the devil. Two faced as fuck. I was actually unfortunately really good friends with one for a while, until I was stabbed in the back. Petty as hell, hold grudges like death has them by the ankle. I mean when I thought we were friends, it was nice they can be really interesting people, can be funny one moment and super serious the next. Fuck this sign.

Sagittarius: you just don't hide a damn thing. Sometimes people don't wanna know things but you don't care sometimes shit just flies out your mouth. At times it's really funny, I think you are very sexual and try to use sexuality to your advantage on people because you want something from them and sometimes not even anything like money, usually just attention. Very in your face about a lot of things, you seem to want to impress people and I can tell at times I piss you off because I'm not phased with your behaviour. Lol.

Capricorn: My favorite sign really. My best friend is a cap. We have tons in common, you have an extremely weird sense of humor that sometimes I don't get. You are really quirky, you take chances and you really have no regrets about anything, I sometimes wonder if you even feel sorry because you act disconnected at times. at least that's how some people see you if they don't know you. You actually care a lot, you just put on the biggest front to look tough and you ain't shit pal but I love ya. This sign is really laid back but also stubborn as fuck. Very adventurous people.

Aquarius: I don't know much about this sign because I've never really met a whole of this sign, so I'm just gonna take a shot in the dark and say you're okay. Heard you were high strung but I can't personally speak on that.

Pisces: from I can tell is you are overly emotional just like cancer but in a way where you are more caring. Cancers have no soul where as I think you might. You love to make yourself upset which is extremely weird. You tend have to worst fucking luck I've ever seen of any of the signs, you tend to have bad mood swings and have tons of regret. You act on emotional whim alot which is not good, please calm down before talking. You tend be nice people when you are in a good good mood. I think you are pretty loyal people, I guess it depends but not entirely bad people. I'm half and half with you.

[darby-drabbles]

I made an intro post about this here already, but,, I made a new AU it’s a cowboy town western thanks. I had the most solid thoughts for Andre’s role in the story and I ended up rambling about him and the related characters a lot? It didn’t seem fair to put this in the middle of the less developed character ideas, so I made a separate post.

He’s an eccentric inventor, though his inventions aren’t always the most successful. He’s trying his best!!! I also picture him making sculptures of ~futuristic designs~ using old scrap metals and things. He tries to sell these things a lot, but, I don’t think most people are too interested at first and he struggles to get by sometimes. He’s kind of a loner and I think he can be found at th local saloon a lot. His friend Avery works as a bartender/waiter there. They probably give him free drinks every now and then out of pity and/or friendship. They also have to break up the barfights he occasionally gets into. :,)))))

Sometimes he travels out of town to try and sell his inventions and things to fresh new people, which is how he’ll meet Kriss from @duck-n-clover​’s cowboy town au. They end up gettin along ofc and they send each other letters often and I’m sappy just thinkin about it thanks. Then they will smooch,, yehaw.

Much like in the regular story, Andre’s family, especially his sister Zahra and her husband, are very important people, but I think they’d be EVen More Important with this being just a small lil town and not an actual modern day city. So they are VERY influential public figures, I’m sure one of them is the mayor as well as other important jobs like that.

Since Andre’s a kind of failed inventor while the rest of his family is,,, Pretty Dang Successful I feel like there’s a big disconnect between them, more than their normal selves and they look down on him for what he does. And it’s hard because like everybody in town knows them of course and Andre’s struggling to do his own thing, and I’m sure a lot of people kind of realize he’s been, uh,, practically disowned by his influential wealthy family?

I think every once in a while townspeople sometimes go to him for Important Requests he can ask his sister (or other family members) for whatever reason. Maybe she was just busy with other things and couldn’t be found or they were intimidated to talk to Her or maybe they just thought he could possibly sway her opinion more easily since they’re related,, but he really resents that.

I’m not quite sure what to do about the Delilah/Leia situation yet! I imagine this being kinda, fantasy-past where there’s at least a lil bit of technology that they prolly shouldn’t’ve had. But I mean, this isn’t a totally futuristic wild west story, either. I’ll bend it a little so he could have SOme type of functioning robot friend, but he doesn’t have all those good super advanced technologies,, so she would be much more simple and less effective. I don’t know how much she would actually work, you know? If he did end up having a robot companion it definitely wouldn’t be a very detailed one, not a big personality or as much knowledge compared to current Delilah. He would’ve built her himself from scratch this time around, with just a bunch of miscellaneous parts. I mean I think that’s fine, it would add a certain charm,, I just feel like it would be missing something. Namely like,, the Delilah-ness of Delilah. Maybe he made multiple robots though??? Sure they don’t have as much personality, but together…. I don’t know. At the very least, it would still have the early story situation of the droid glitching out so often, because I don’t think he would’ve invented a perfectly sound robot, and they would still be a perfectly lovable creation I’m sure of it.

In AUs where I have a hard time picturing Andre having a robot for whatever reason, I consider making it a baby AU as well. (Like the dance instructor AU) And while that would be cute, I doooon’t picture this being the most Leia-Friendly AU, I think Andre’s pretty down on his luck here so I’m just not sure about adding a babby into the mix, it would be more of a challenge for him. (and it wasn’t even easy to begin with lmao) I definitely could make it work, but I mean, initial thoughts, I just don’t think it would be the best situation for either of them so I’m not really jumping into the idea yet. ((Unlike the other baby AUs, though, if this was a baby AU I still like the thought of him having a basic robot as well,, he’s still an inventor, so it would be both daughter and robot-daughter.)) I could probably go either way I’m just not sure, and I’ll probably think more about what the actual robot(s) will be like before I decide.