#this is your reminder that abuse isnt black and white

[spacelazarwolf]

like that person insisting that any regret for anything at all is rape / abuse is MORE HARMFUL than encouraging nuance abt trauma???

it reminds me of how some ppl will INSIST your abuser cant love you or genuinely feel bad & has to be this Evil Mastermind who knows exactly how to hurt you. like that's anymore helpful than abuse apologism 4 me bc I KNOW my abusers do feel love for me & their abuse isnt carefully planned. that doesn't mean they aren't abusers.not the exact same thing but the point is that black n white thinking ALWAYS hurts more than it helps

LITERALLY!!!!!!

[villanelledeservedbetter]

i spent 3 hrs making moussaka as a special dinner just for my bf to accuse me of not seeing him as a man bc i went on a rant about how much men hate women

i then said yeah i do but u were socialised female and ignoring that would be delusional, if u have to lie and live in a fantasy land because the truth makes you suicidal to even hear then you need therapy for your gender dysphoria, hormones arent enoughhe says 'would u date me if i was cis (a cis man)'

i said 'no because i dont want to be anywhere near a penis, and you would be misogynistic, hateful, look down on me and see me as something to fuck. you being trans means i get to be an equal in our relationship. its a good thing to me. you cant be compared to cis men like a white man can't be compared to a black man.'

and then i started crying and explained he doesn't understand the trauma of being with a male. being with males means trauma.i said if he was brought up male he would be hateful towards me and only see me as a sex doll. you would have slapped me when i asked that one time because youd be pornsick, youd have enjoyed it and i would be self-objectify even more, find more crazy kinks, ask for more abuse, and youd love it while i was degrading myself and being traumatised. you dont know what ite like to have your boyfriend sexually assault (/rape) you 7 times in one year because all you are is a fuck thing. you don't understand this. you don't understand how traumatid it is.

so no, i wouldnt date you if you were cis because when you refused to slap me, i realised im a participant in sex. my sexual pleasure matters. i dont have to fetishise my pain and how much naughtier i am than other girls. i get to be more than a sex doll, more than a little thing to pretty up, i get to be me. i realise you respect all my opinions. you let me speak. i am important. im your friend. i get to go without makeup and say no to sex. i get to go halfsies on household chores. i wouldnt date you if you were cis because my heart speeds up a lot whenever i see a penis. it reminds me of violence, being frozen, being isolated, no one listening, making things up, having to do it all over again.

which made him say 'youve just confirmed every negative thought ive had about myself - that im delusional for thinking i could ever be a man' and he didnt eat his moussaka that i put my love ane labour into for 3 hours, didnt have a bite. and it kinda felt like being stabbed in the chest

he is fucking delusional. i love him so much but if had ptsd and had to avoid everything in the world that triggered you, something as small as a towel, because it sent you into a full panic attack, you wouldnt just be given medication youd be given therapy. but if a gender dysphoric person cant hear the truth of his sex, his socialisation, that he is still vulnerable to sex-based oppression (even though he RECOGNISES SEX-BASED OPPRESSION EXISTS) then hormones arent the right treatment. you need therapy through and through, if you get suicidal over recognising reality that has passed and that there are things you cannot change.

i hate trans ideology for poisoning his brain like this and letting him think its ok to delude himself from reality and that its healthy. he has a pattern of avoidande of everything. he was vulnerable.

i believe that he is trans. i will always respect his pronouns, i will always see him as a man, though he is not a man in the radfem definition, but i will see him as a man because i love him more than anything and wouldnt hurt him like that for no reason. but he has no coping skills for dysphoria that isnt treated by transition. he believes the world should change its language, fluff it up to prevent pain. he cried when i called him female, as in his sex. but sex isnt gender i thought...? look how much genderists have fucking convinced this man he doesnt need any dysphoria coping skills. look how much he wont accept reality. refuses to. it hurts to see from this angle and idk what to do. i cant talk about the things we have in common, even tho he talks about being raised as a little girl, he also wont accept that he is different on a fundamental level to a cis man.

the problem is he is my best friend and we never fight - just over this recently. except ive always said to him hes biologically female (the term afab doesnt make him dysphoric), that we're 'a queer couple in a way' (we are in a homosexual relationship which puts us at risk of homophobia, which we have gotten before) and that he was 'socialised female' and is 'different than cis guys'. ive also said this to him for the past almost 4 years. he has agreed. i dont know what has changed - that im a radfem now and care more about his mental health and his hormonal side effects more than anything? i dont know. we havent spoken since last night.

the moussaka thing really hurt. moussaka is a labour of love - i never wouldve made it for just myself. i made it because i love you.

[dr3amofagame]

yk, I always thought of c!dream to perfectly fit the saying “the road to hell is paved with good intentions.” and every time I think about it I get even sadder send hepl

hello !! it’s been a bit, so sorry anon, but ty for ur patience :D 

but yeah !! that saying REALLY fits c!dream - he’s someone that has done a lot of awful, unjustifiable things, but they were all for a Reason, as much as people like to think otherwise. he’s said so before, repeatedly - it’s all for a vision of the smp as it “used to be,” one “giant family” that can be happy again. and obviously, what he does isnt right, and will never be right - but in the end it’s all in a very twisted attempt to find a home he lost, which makes his character all the more twisted and tragic, yknow? 

sometimes i wonder what an earlier dream would say, after seeing how far he’s fallen, which is what really led to this oneshot - it’s a bit messy, but i like it nonetheless. c!dream is a disaster that makes me Very Sad 

tw: derealization, implied torture, hallucinations, injuries, dark content, mentioned abuse, manipulation, emotional distress, implied suicide, panic attacks, self-hatred  

“Was it worth it?”

Dream blinks, looks up; this is new. He’s no stranger to hallucinations, of course - they’d started somewhere around the first week or two of solitary, and had only grown in frequency and duration as time went on, but this has never happened before.

The figure standing - well, sitting in front of him is hazy at the edges, indistinct, little more than a splash of green and grey, blown out at the edges by the bright white highlights from the lava lighting them from behind. Even so, Dream is all too familiar with the craftsmanship of the iron armor they wear, with the bright green hoodie tucked underneath that he’d once worn like a second skin. The figure’s face turns just enough to catch the slightest sliver of a mask.

“Well?”

“You’re me,” Dream says - breathes, really, his throat too sore for the words to be much more than a labored exhale. The other Dream turns, the lava throwing shifting shapes in orange and red all over his chestplate, his mouth visible and pulled into a frown underneath the bottom edge of the mask. Dream touches the cracked surface of the one sitting on his own face reflexively, feeling the jagged hole on its left side surrounding his eye, the edge pulled over his chin to keep as much of his face obscured as possible.

“Well, I mean,” the other Dream’s hands come to the edges of his mask, easing it over to the side of his face in a practiced motion; his eyes burn brilliantly in the dark room, green and furious and bright. “I wouldn’t exactly say that, now.”

Dream knows that this man isn’t him - well, isn’t him anymore, doesn’t have the burn scars that trail all over his body, doesn’t know the feeling of his stomach turning itself inside out in pain and emptiness, doesn’t know how it feels to have an axe dragged painfully, slowly over his skin over and over and over and over until he’s screamed his throat raw. This is the ghost of a man that has not lived and died a million times, that does not know the feeling of blood on his hands better than he does kindness, that can think of other faces and feel something other than shattered ribs and remembered pain.

“Was it worth it?” The other Dream watches him, eyebrows furrowed, insistent. It’s hard to remember that this was once him, that he has a face made of skin and muscle and bone instead of porcelain and leather even with the bruises and dried blood beneath his mask reminding him otherwise. The expressions on his face, the ones that must be on Dream’s own face, feel foreign, like they belong to someone that isn’t him. Maybe that’s the point.

“You’ll need to get more specific,” Dream’s voice cracks, throat protesting at the strain pulling at the still healing wounds from within it. Dream takes the pain, boxes it up, files it away; he’s becoming pretty good at that. “Was what worth it?”

The other man throws his arm out in an arc, gestures vaguely at the entire cell. “This! All of this- this prison, what you did to Tommy, what you did on Doomsday, what you did in the vault.” His words burn with a dangerous fury, and Dream closes his eyes. It’s not real. It’s not real. “You ruined everything! You destroyed our home! Everything is gone and it’s all your fault!”

“Don’t-” Dream’s voice cracks, shatters in on itself, and he swallows around the pain and pushes on. “Don’t act like you wouldn’t do the exact same thing as me.”

The other man scoffs, a fiery light dancing in his pupils. “As if. This is all your fault. You didn’t have to exile the kid. You didn’t have to blow up the community house. And you sure as hell didn’t have to manipulate a fucking teenager, you sick fuck.”

The voice morphs, overlays with the echoes of voices he hasn’t heard in what feels like an eternity. His back burns, stings; his head pounds furiously and threatens to plunge his world into darkness. Through it all, green eyes stare at him, twin flames in his ever blurrier vision, looking for all the world like a god handing down judgment.

“You know you would,” Dream mutters, each word dropping and shattering on the ground like broken glass, “if you had to sit in here for just a chance at bringing them together, you would. If you had to burn the whole damn server down for them, you wouldn’t hesitate.”

The other Dream shakes his head, teeth bared. “Don’t you dare pretend that you did this for them. Don’t you dare pretend that you don’t deserve this.”

I deserve this. I know, I know, I know. “But you would.”

The hallucination’s shoulders rise, fall; it’s hazy, shimmering from the heat, but the eyes glow ethereally and feel more real than anything in the cell.

“You’re an idiot, you know?” He laughs, and Dream tastes iron and ash and salt. “You’re so fucking stupid. You- you thought that the problem was Tommy. You blamed everything on Tommy because you couldn’t see him as anything other than the person that ruined our server and you’re so fucking stupid.”

The voice distorts, echoes in on itself; a half-hearted whisper of wrong wrong wrong rises in Dream’s mind and melts under the fury of the other’s glare. The image shimmers, shifts, and the other Dream- is he even Dream, anymore? - smiles humorlessly, stepping closer. It’s not real, Dream knows, because the image is hazy and flat and wrong but his mind echoes with the sound of shoes scuffed against obsidian and a netherite blade dragging against stone and the book, Dream, and we’ll stop-

“The real problem was you. It was always you. You were the one that ruined the server, you were the one that blew up the community house, you were the one that destroyed L’manburg. You are the one that everyone hates, that everyone fears. You are the villain, Dream, a monster. You’ve always been a monster. Now that you’re gone? The server is finally at peace. You were the problem.”

“And- well, Dream,” The figure leans over, lips right by Dream’s ear, and when they speak their voice is sweet-sharp, all-too-familiar. Quackity. “I guess you should’ve fuckin’ offed yourself when you had the chance.”

He flinches back, eyes squeezing shut, hands scrabbling around his neck. His lungs heave and he tries to suck in air but he can’t there is lava in his chest like everything inside has been torn apart like the words have ripped through him like he’s no more than wet paper and he chokes and stutters on the exhale and it’s not real it’s not real it’s not-

(That night, long after Quackity leaves with a fresh bouquet of bloodstain blooms splattered over his shirt like a field of blooming poppies, after the Warden leaves from forcing another round of health potions down his throat, Dream curls around his ribs in the back corner of his room, watching the lava fall.

Was it worth it?

He laughs, low, bitter, every inch of him feeling scaped raw and open and hollow, thinking of a world without himself in it, of a sky and earth and family with the ugly parts cut neatly away. He thinks he must be a wither skeleton, watching as everything his fingertips touch crumbles away into black rot and ash, breathes in and out and hears the same echoing rattle from deep within his chest. Was it worth it?

It must’ve been, he tells himself, even as the sound of a drop of brilliant purple magic falling against the obsidian makes his muscles seize, leaves him cowering under a blow that does not come. It must’ve been worth it, because-

What was this all for, if it wasn’t?)

[alatismeni-theitsa]

Thanks for bringing the racebending to my attention. I never considered that it was harmful towards the origin culture. I considered that it was kind of strong to claim that sort of race thing in a way, but maybe that comes from the more.. christianity? view of where there isnt a direct way that God looks, except any way the person perceives. That's probably what I thought, too, until just now reading your answer to someone else. So.. it's not okay? 1/?

I honestly want to understand as my perspective on this now changes. It makes total sense why it would be entitled of someone to do such a thing, and how it's inconsiderate of the actual origin culture that the deities come from now that I'm thinking about it in this way. So again thank you for bringing this up and answering that other anon. I have some things to revise in my head on this, as I honor Apollo and Hermes, I want to make sure that I get accurate and do my research.

I really enjoy being able to read your experiences and I think it's important as, someone outside the culture, gets to experience and understand more to be as accurate and non... whats the word... inappropriate with representing such a thing, I guess I can say. If that makes sense.__________________________________________________________

Thank you for sending a message and for listening to the opinion of Greek people. (I am not the only one with that opinion, many of my 500 followers also share the same ideas.) Anyways prepare yourself for a looooooong analysis! So, get under comfy blankets and take your tea/coffee next to you!

To begin with, there are Greeks that don’t mind but those are usually Greeks who have close contact with the American way of thinking through social media. Or some that don’t care because the approach our mythology in a kinda superficial way? I am not saying this to offend any Greeks who don’t mind the racebending. Every Greek has the right to have a relationship with their culture according to their own standards. Those people who think racebending is ok are usually no less patriots than the ones who do. However, those who don’t mind the race bending are extremely rare to find. 

If I go to my 50 y/o aunt and announce to her that foreigners depict Demeter as Black she is gonna lose her mind. I have also asked the opinion of Greeks who are not into social media or groups where Greek mythology is discussed by foreigners. When they were informed of the racebending the first thing they said was “but... why??” and they couldn’t fathom how this could help anyone. The second thing they say is “But the Gods are white!” explaining that our ancestor have depicted them as Caucasian for centuries and we, as Greeks, know no other depiction of them.

I assure you, it has nothing to do with white superiority - which is a myth anyways. Greeks can be perfectly racist to people who are pastry white :P If you racebended the gods into any other race, we would still have a problem. It’s all a matter of respecting iconography and tradition. It would be ignorant of even us Greeks to change the depiction of the gods when our ancestors were very clear in their art about their race. It was also clear in antiquity that the gods had bodies. I am in another computer and I cannot access my files, but I had a file for a philosopher who tried to argue against the public opinion that the gods didn’t have bodies. But the majority of ancient Greeks believed that the gods had a physical presence.

Also, race matters for Greeks as it does for most of other cultures. You expect Nigerian deities to look like the average Nigerian, yes? Because they were created by a homogenous Black population. You think the same for Indian and Chinese deities, yes? It makes sense for deities and public figures from a certain culture to look like the people of that culture. I think it’s common sense. Turning an old Nigerian deity into a Chinese, would’t represent the Nigerian people any more. For similar reasons, we don’t want our important heritage figures changed. (In case a warrior was described as Black African in our ancient texts, then of course we wouldn’t have a problem with keeping that figure Black).

You are correct when saying that the race bending comes from a Christian point of view. I think many hellenic polytheists/pagans/wiccans haven't managed to escape the Christian logic. In Christianity we have accepted for many centuries that saints and important figures would be viewed with different races, so people can come closer to them. For example, there is a Chinese, Native American, Mexican (different tribes), Black Jesus etc. Most of the times they are also dressed in the traditional regalia of the respective culture. It's a thing for the last 200 years at least. 

Even Greeks depicted Jesus kinda white (he has an olive skin complexionand brown hair, which is closer to the Greek standards). And this happened since the Byzantine Empire. We even call the Virgin Mary "Mother of all Greeks" (apparently Mary has a particular interest in our nation xD) We have made her into a Greek mum. But we kinda have the freedom to do this because Christianity is an international religion which is alive for the last 2.000 years, so these changes come organically.

On the contrary, almost nobody has worshipped the Greek gods since 500 AC. The religion was been dead for almost 2.000 years, until Western classicists made it a popular. Now people who have no actual contact with the Greek culture start worshiping those gods. Don’t get me wrong, I believe any foreigner can worship the Greek gods! The thing is that most of the foreign worshippers don’t see the Greek gods as part of the culture that created them, because of the Americanization of the gods in the media and the complete stripping of the Greek elements from them.

But gods are still part of the Greeks’ heritage. Many ancient traditions and myths have kept from the ancient years, we have the names of gods and the gods are still used as symbols here. Our culture hasn’t died, as many westerners (perhaps subconciously) believe. It is alive and evolving, despite foreigners usually ignoring us. So, the ideas about our ancient religion have been involving with us, becoming part of our national identity in a unique way. 

After 2.000 years of the religion’s “death”, foreigners become enamored with Greece again. But not our Greece. They become enamored with a part of our culture that hasn’t existed in millenia. They study the culture only till the Roman years and then they skip 2.000 years of evolving cultural identity and go straight to the 21st century western (west Europe/America) ideals and societies.

You can only imagine how it seems to us Greeks, when foreigners suddenly remember us again and, on top of that, they don’t become part of our culture but they insist that a part of our culture (in its ancient form) becomes tailored to their own standards. And now foreigners ingore our own point of view, because, as they have done the last 2.000 years, they keep on ignoring us :P (I mean they as a people, greatly generalizing here). Please see that post for how disconnected a Greek feels about the modern Greek religion, and the analysis that comes with it. (Link)

Similarly, imagine if suddenly the Nigerian culture became a trend in Greece and now some Greeks become interesting in the old (almost dead to Nigeria) worship of Orishas. And now they want to depict the Orishas as White, because they, themselves are white and maybe white deities reflect better the racial situation in Greece. Wouldn’t that be disrespectful, though? Not only because the Black becomes White, but because we would take an inactive worship from the Nigerians and add our own politics to it.

Our situation is also kind of special because for the last centuries every country that has become interested in our culture has abused it. They have stolen antiquities from us and northwestern Europe but also in the US have no problem having those stolen artifacts and displaying them. There is a tradition of foreigners claiming to “love” Greece but they are really in love with our ancient aesthetic and they don’t give a shit about the Greeks who preserve the culture and even die to protect their antiquities. 

So we are used to this kind of treatment and it hurts extra when it’s happening again. But we are also desensitized. For some reason a person can be dressed as a Greek deity for Halloween and we won’t bat an eye. At the same time, I see people from other cultures defending the importance of their figures, when foreigners dress up as them for fun. 

I don’t understand how we consider this disrespectful for any other culture but if it’s the Greek we don’t care. Why could this be? Perhaps because many Greeks have come to see their own culture as public property. Perhaps because it is what the prominent international media tells us and maybe because we are used to selling our culture for profit (we are a tourist country) and we only see it as merchandise. 

Let me add I am not only fascinated by my own cultures but also cultures around the world. It makes no sense to me that people want Gods of color and their only solution is to make the Greek gods Black. Have we forgotten the numerous rich cultures of Asia and Africa?? There are a ton of deities there who, if you want to draw Afrocentric art for example, will be great inspiration! It reminds me of a publishing house which put POC in the covers of western classic books (thus kinda turning the white main characters into POC only in the cover) while not promoting books from POC or books featuring POC. I think it’s counterproductive.

I think that’s all I have to say for now! Feel free to ask more questions if I haven’t covered you! And if you have more thoughts you can drop them in my ask box.

Also, one question for you before you leave. You mentioned “I considered that it was kind of strong to claim that sort of race thing in a way”. Can you explain to me why? I would like to understand better people who think this way. Then maybe I could explain more effectively to them that their race bending practice isn’t as helpful as they think it is.

P.S. Even saying “races” of people exist is considered deeply racist in Greece (and Europe). I mention that as potential food of thought. For us there are only hues of skin colors, not races, so our social politics are different. 

[friendlylocalwhumper]

a long reply to a long anon criticism. deals with race, and oppression as written in whump fiction.

here are a series of asks sent to me about an hour ago, raising a concern/issue with my writing:

1/? dude. i was reading your recent story where emory (a young, gay, black man) was beaten by the cops and i finally had to say something. all your stories where he sits there and worries about how his white boyfriend is the target of police brutality bc of some form of oppression YOU (a presumably non-black person) got to make up?? those have rlly left a bad taste in my mouth, but the one where you actually torture your black character to show how bad the white one has it put me over the edge.

2/? these are real issues. ig i was able to ignore you using systematic brutality as “a fun prompt to write about!” when race wasnt rlly a factor in your stories, but as soon as emory got introduced it became more and more inappropriate of you to twist these ideas. “wouldnt it be sad if lux got beat up just for being a warlock 😔” yeah. and his bf is black, and hes in danger of that every day.

¾ as bad as just ignoring actual brutality was, having to read a story where a young, gay, black man was graphically beaten by police officers for YOUR pleasure, for FUN, when it wasn’t even his race that put him in that position (which isnt even ur place to write abt for torture porn but at least its addressing a real issue) but the fact that he was mistaken as the class you made up and chose to make oppressed?? that was wildly inappropriate.

4/4 this isnt hating on your writing or whatever, so dont call it that and pretend its anything other than informing u of what you can and cant speak about. a reminder of your lane. these arent your concepts to play with, stick to a singular whumper or whatever and cool it on the police brutality since u dont know how to handle it (presuming there even IS a way to handle this correctly as a whump device, which im not convinced there is)

bonus/4 pls dont do the white person thing of just ignoring those messages or going “no its not racist. i know bc i dont think it is/ i say its not.” like. im just genuinely letting you know it’s inappropriate, and you dont get to say “oh its not! i didnt mean for it to be so its not!” so i would appreciate it of you would take it into consideration or at least address it

my response:

there’s some context that i think you’re missing, in terms of how lux’s world came about. i’m gonna try to explain it without sounding like i’m trying to veer off-topic.

the world in which lux and emory live is a dystopia. is it a dystopia because i enjoy thinking about, writing, and daydreaming about systemic oppression? no. oppression isn’t a trope that i particularly enjoy; it’s not, like, something i’m into, you know? the only reason that i set it up like this, with brutal cops and propaganda and general public hatred of this class of people, is because i needed an excuse for lux to get hurt often. i wanted to write him getting beat up, didn’t matter if it was by friends or enemies or assassins or aliens. just as long as i had some kind of general excuse, a plausible reason for him to get hurt as often as i tend to write. so i made a fictional society where people get hurt a lot. lux happened to have magic, thanks to the original prompt that inspired his creation, so i figured he could get targeted for that. that’s why lux, a white boy, is targeted for having magic, and why magic users are oppressed in the universe i made up.

i know that these are real issues. i am white, as you guessed. inherently, i will never truly know what it is like to be oppressed as a black man. i understand why this raised alarm bells for you, and why you felt the need to tell me about your discomfort - to stop my writing of these characters in this universe.

but do i agree with your point that i can’t write oppression because i am white? no. just like i think it’s okay for anyone to write sensitive topics like abuse, torture, conditioning, murder, and assault if they are careful and respectful enough about it. race is a super precarious subject matter, as it should be, because there is a lot of real-life suffering and fear tied into it. i don’t get to decide what’s racist and what’s not.

but i am not fetishizing oppression - or, at least, what i am doing is no different from what other whump writers dealing in sensitive subject matters do. i am utilizing fiction, which will always parallel real life in some way, to create a story that i enjoy writing and reading. i want to hurt lux, so i created a world in which i could do that. i try to walk the tricky line of writing diverse characters without just throwing characters of color around as if it automatically makes my content less white and one-dimensional. i also try my best not to give emory lines about his race, or give him backstory related to being particularly oppressed or privileged, because i don’t feel comfortable putting such words in a black character’s mouth as a white writer.

now for my last point: whump isn’t torture porn. just judging by your automatic wariness and word choice, i’m guessing that you’re not a whump writer. writers in this community are extremely careful. we tag excessively, use content warnings, and do everything we can to help readers avoid content they don’t want to be exposed to. we all know that whump entails the writing of torture, abuse, humiliation, gore, and many other things that, in real life, are terrible to suffer. that’s… kind of what whump is. there’s a general understanding, here, that we’re going to write such heavy things, employing something sort of like suspended disbelief, i guess, to let ourselves enjoy whump without stressing about the real-life parallels to the fiction.

so that’s my response to your criticism.

anon, i don’t really appreciate the fact that your last ask was a transparent bid to get me to publish your messages, but. well. i wanted to do my best to answer instead of just leaving these asks in my inbox.

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Humans are Space Orcs “Baptized in Blood”

A bit of a gore warning for this one :), But I was fulfilling the request of a few readers.

As always, I would love to hear your questions, comments, and requests. Always willing to answer writing questions as some of you have come to me for advice. :)

I will be covering this same topic in one of my short reports later on, so wait for that.

They were holed up inside the, “grocery store” The lights were off and snow had piled itself to almost two feet deep outside the glass doors, trembling from the powerful blowing of the snow. The humans milled about in confused packs.

Apparently blizzards of this power weren’t common, and the human’s hadn’t expected the storm to be as bad as it was. Now they were help up in the powerless store, thought the emergency lights and backup generator kept the place marginally lit and livably warm.

Krill could feel his body working to heat itself, but he wasn’t half as efficient as the humans. Captain Vir had given him his coat. It still had some of the human’s body heat, and so warmed Krill nicely.

Captain Vir sat by the checkout counters head resting back against the wall eyes closed.

Krill panicked silently to the side.

“Adam!” his one eye popped open and looked towards the sound of the voice.

Krill looked to find Captain Vir’s nest-mate or sister waddling towards them. She was even bigger than Krill remembered, and was impressed that she didn’t just fall over from the weight of her stomach.

Captain Vir stood, “Maya, what are you doing here?” He glanced down at her swollen belly, “Where is Jack…. Shouldn’t he be the one out doing this stuff…. You’re due in what? Two weeks?”

She waved him away with a hand, “If I avoided doing thigs just because I was pregnant, than I wouldn’t be doing anything. Besides, I needed to get up and walk around.”

Captain Vir tilted his head to the side, “Why?”

With a sigh, she rested one hand on her stomach and the other on her lower back, “I have had a backache all day. Besides this is the first time in days I haven’t been exhausted, so I wanted to get things done.”

From the corner of his eye, Krill saw Captain Vir tense lightly….. “Um…. I know I’m not like an expert or anything, but. Isn’t increased back pain a sign of labor….?

Krill was alerted by the sudden palpable tension in the room. Nearby humans turned to look at them worried expressions on their faces as they turned to glance at the blocked glass doors.

Maya went white, “I…. didn’t even think about that.”

“Any contractions?”

“Well no, not really.”

“What is that supposed to mean.” Vir was sounding frantic now, not something Krill understood. On his planet a mother laid her eggs in two minutes flat and then they were done…..

How big was a human larvae again?

Suddenly the female human stiffened up and closed her eyes resting a hand against the purchase lane taking a slow deep breath.

“Are you kidding me Maya? You’re in labor in a F***ing blizzard at the grocery store.” It was Vir’s turn to panic.

She frowned at him, “Excuse me for not timing it right.”

Captain Vir looked down at Krill, “Um…. You’re a doctor.”

Krill stared at the two of them, “You aren’t serious.” He looked back at Maya and the encouraging smile on her face though her eyes were very, very worried. He sighed, “Yeah, I am.”

It was almost impressive how fast Vir whipped up some extra support. Doing their best, they turned one of the back offices into a passable medical room wiping down all the surfaces, binging in anything soft and Pillow-shaped for support. Any useful tool was rounded up on Krill’s instruction. Maya insisted on helping despite being racked by pain every 45-60 seconds. She took it like only a human could with an easy smile and a pleasant request for some water.

Despite offering to let her sit down, she insisted that walking would probably be better.

Krill honestly wasn’t sure what to expect, and the true horror wasn’t really foreshadowed until, a few hours later, Maya went suddenly very still doubling over in pain eyes closed teeth gritted. Vir came over to support her arm as she whimpered through her teeth. She was there for almost sixty seconds standing back up face streaked in sweat eyes wide.

“F***k.” Vir muttered, “Krill, she’s getting closer.”

They transitioned her to the other room having her lay down. Krill did what he would do during surgery, though he was setting up for a procedure he had never performed.

The true horror hadn’t exactly been revealed yet. Upon request, captain Vir said that a baby could be anywhere from three to ten pounds whispering that it was very possible for the baby to get caught the wrong way, or break the pelvis, or get wrapped up in the umbilical cord.

Krill felt cold. Pregnancy wasn’t supposed to be dangerous…

Vir Knelt next to his sister’s head holding her hand, he kept his eyes very intentionally focused on her face stammering out instructions for breathing and reminders to try and keep relaxed.

Then it was like a switch was flipped, and the human began to scream…

Krill had never heard such a terrible grating noise, like an animal being tortured to death. Under her protective covering, the human writhed in absolute, and complete agony hands becoming claws nails dug into skin and Vir yelped in surprised pain drowned out by the terrible sound of her agony.

Sixty seconds…. And she collapsed back down eyes opening wide, bloodshot, face red body drenched. Those eyes turned on her brother, and the sweet human female bared her teeth at him, “F***K you…. Adam.”

He blinked, “What.”

“You heard what I said.” She snarled, “Now shut up.”

Krill was shaking. Did human females…. Kill people during labor.

She threw her head back and screamed again. The tone could have shattered steel like glass. It rocked the room as if the gates of hell had opened. Vir whimpered in pain, blood trickled down his hand, but that was…. That was absolutely nothing….. this was…. This was horror.

More than once he was forced to dodge out of the way as something was thrown at his head. The human screamed abuse at him, she screamed at Vir, and then she just screamed. Rivulets of sweat ran down her face, and she huffed in exhaustion.

He was shaking like a leaf in a hurricane.

Vir was shaking with him. For once the human and Krill were in agreement. This was just…. Horrific.

By his calculations, they were close. He ordered her to push.

She snarled at him, but did as told.

Her scream could have ripped the fabric of the universe body straining as if she were about to spontaneously burst or rip in half, and then he was covered in blood struggling to maintain a grip on the slimy wriggling creature bright red and screaming. The human shrieks died away replaced by the screaming of the slimy, maggoty, blood-covered, thing he held in his arms.

A dull thud followed the sudden transition.

Vir lay collapsed on the floor to the side completely passed out.

Hm…. Weird?

In shock, and still shaking, he cut away the slimy red cord before washing away the blood.

The tiny human shrieked in indignation.

With the way his arms were shaking, he just prayed that he wouldn’t accidentally drop it. He felt as if he were in shock, the room moved in slow motion around him. And there was the female human, she had crawled to her hands and knees and was concernedly peering over at him. Her hair was in tangled wet ropes around her face, but her eyes were wide, the anger was gone.

In pleading, she reached out to him, and he gladly handed the mess over to her.

She smiled at the ugly creature in her arms cooing and stroking at its red-screwed-up face as if she held a bar of gold or the secrets of the universe, but no…. it was more than that, it was the kind of expression that expressed her willingness to walk through fire if only to hold that which she now held in her arms.

You didn’t walk through fire for gold.

***

They had moved her to the next room over and piled all the used materials into a trash bag. They would need to be taken away with medical waste when the blizzard was over.

Captain Vir had originally woken up. He was shaky, and shell shocked, which Krill would have found funny if he didn’t feel exactly the same way. The two of them sat in the hall together one of them looking nauseous and the other trying very hard not to scream and run away from the humans. Through the open door, they could see the human resting quietly next to her sleeping larvae: resting in a large plastic container robbed from the store shelves. Both of them slept quietly now.

“You’re species is horrifying.”

“Tell me about it.”

***

The “Miracle” of birth, you absolute batshit crazy idiots. That isn’t a miracle, it’s not beautiful. That’s like calling a potful of intestines beautiful. How have your species survived? Why would your females willingly CHOOSE to continue your species?

Terror germinates inside of them, slowly growing upwards, getting bigger feeding on the nutrients of the body. It saps your strength and steels your livelihood, it forces you to eat and gain wait so it may subsist on the food you eat. Then it crawls its way from your body, ripping itself from the womb squalling and screaming. It tortures you as it exits, what kind of thanks is that?

And when it is all over, you love it, you keep it, and you feed it. You hold it for hours on end and sing to the monster that rests quietly in your houses.

In reality, it is a fitting way for a human to come into the world. Everything you do is dangerous, being a child is dangerous, being a mother is dangerous, and continuing your species is a sacrifice uncomprehended by the rest of the galaxy.

Though all of you participate in war, dance with pain, only your women fight with death to bring life, at cost to their own health and their own sanity.

As deathworlders, you are pulled from the blackness, children of death.

 Humans are born in pain, heralded by a chorus of screams, and baptized in blood. 

[ruffiorocks]

Lena isnt the only one who has killed people.

Soo this might be unpopular, but if people are going to harp on about Lena killing Lex id like to remind you of a few other instances you seem to have forgotten about:

1. Kara killed or rather ‘obliterated’ parasite. Parasite was actually the mutated version of an innocent man called Rudy who was taken over by a parasite that corrupted him. Kara made the decision to kill him. Now whether you agree if this was justified or not is up to you,  but the fact is KARA made the decision to KILL a dangerous monster that would have caused all manner of havoc and nearly killed Jonn. But remember that Rudy himself was an innocent.

2, Anyone remember when Alex killed Astra with a KRYPTONITE sword?! Alex didnt have to kill Astra, Astra hesitated when she said she would kill Jonn. Alex could have stabbed her anywhere, like literally anywhere and then Jonn could have gotten out of the way. Again, this is up to you if you think its justified or not. But its still someone being killed. Astra wanted to save Earth, she didnt go about it in the best way but she wasnt your typical bad guy out for themselves. Alex killed her to protect Jonn.

3. I dont know why this one is ignored so much since it happened so recently, but am i the only one who saw Jonn MURDER an unarmed Manchester Black because Manchester taunted him? No just me that saw this happen? Manchester made Jonn see his family and then a white martian, Jonn, a centuries year old alien who has been through some s**t allowed Manchester to get to him, he then morphed into his Martian form in a rage, disarmed Manchester and didnt even hesitate to run him through with that staff! In other words, Jonn disarmed a guy and murdered an unarmed man because he got pissed. This one unlike the others, doesn't actual have any justifiable reason! 

4. Lena shoots Corbin, a man who had a GUN to Alex’s head, Kara is not faster than a gun touching Alex’s head. Adam died as a result of the Harun El, but he made the decision to go ahead with that even after Lena told him no and to go home. Adam was not a child, or a ‘kid’ he was an adult who made an adult and well informed decision. It went to s**t and Lena refused to do it again even when she was told to by Col Haley. You can talk legal ethics and all that jazz, but the fact is the show hasn't got time for logistics, if it did half the show would be in question.  Lex, a man who previously committed mass murders, both before and actually within the court. He killed all his guards, he then attempted to destroy Argo City (a city thriving now because Lena managed to figure out how to make Harun El), he was literally only seconds before trying to kill Kara! Lena knows that the world wont be safe with Lex in it so she makes the painful decision to shoot him. 

7. Remember when Kara went in guns blazing to kill Reign? When she made the decision to kill Reign but f**ked it up so Mon El and Alura died? She had to turn back time so she could save them and change HER DECISION to kill Reign. Shame Lena didnt have a time travel option to undo her mistakes.

6. Does anyone remember when Jonn was so pissed to see a White Martian he put KRYPTONITE hand cuffs on Kara, he had to have been carrying around with him so she couldn't stop him from killing the white martian? Alex and Kara had to beg Jonn not to murder it while it was UNCONCIOUS! No? Just me that remembers this then. Lucky Jonn had Kara there eh? 

7. Just a small one here, but does anyone remember when James, Winn and another CatCo employee were under the effects of Myriad and jumped off a building? Kara couldn't save all three, but she consciously chose to save James and Winn before that other woman. This isn't the same as her CHOOSING to kill Parasite, but Kara still made the decision to grab her friends first. This isnt necessarily a bad act, but it was Kara making a life and death decision for someone else in favor of two of her friends. We all know we would do the same, but that woman still died. 

Sooo how is the only bad one here Lena? Lena kills the DC version of Hitler 2.0 to protect the world, like the others who have all killed someone. But apparently Lena  is evil incarnate? Lex deserved a fair trial? Just like Hitler did? Yeah... no! If you had the chance to kill Hitler you would of. Lena apparently is the only one who is held accountable when she is responsible for a death, but Alex, Jonn and Kara get off Scott free and those deaths are completely forgotten. 

Kara wont ever forgive Lena for killing Lex or for the death of Adam? Well Kara was pissed at Jonn for a while because she thought he killed her aunt, someone she was related to and loved (so not the same as Lex) but when she found out that it was Alex, her own SISTER that killed Astra she was shocked for all of 5 seconds before she hugged Alex and reached out a hand to Jonn who had lied about it. Not sure Lena needs forgiveness from Kara for shooting HER brother anyway. 

Kara was also completely fine with the fact that Lena shot Corbin to save Alex. She even used it as an example when she was defending Lena to the rest of the gang. 

Adams death doesn't actually have bugger all to do with Kara even if she does find out. 

Kara was shocked for all of 5 seconds when Jonn unnecessarily killed an unarmed Manchester Black. When they got back to the hospital that same day she told him he could still be a man of peace and wasnt arsed at all. 

So Kara can forgive Alex for killing a member of her family, she can forgive Jonn for killing Manchester, she can forgive Lena for shooting Corbin who was trying to kill Alex, she can live with the fact she killed Parasite (with NO consequences and an apparent ‘no kill’ rule) and in an alternate time line attempted to kill Reign, but for some unexplained reason KARA wont be able to forgive Lena for shooting the insane, mass murdering, genocidal, psychopath who tried to kill her cousin, tried to kill her, tried to kill her best friend (Lena) had her other friend (James) shot, and attempted genocide again on Argo City that would have killed Kara’s mother and the rest of her race? Yeah..... I see some double standards going on here.

For the record, Lena doesn't need Kara’s forgiveness for the deaths of Lex and Adam. If she faced consequences for those she would be the ONLY one out of all the above to face consequences for killing people. Its lucky that Jonn had Kara around to talk him out of killing the martian, didnt seem to remember that little talk when it came down to Manchester, and Kara didn't seem to remember it either. Its a shame Lena didn't have her best friend to talk her out of killing Lex, but that another story. 

In conclusion, Lena is NOT the only one on this show who has killed/murdered someone. I honesty believe its just because people are looking at Lena expecting bad things to happen, or they hate her and they see nothing but bad things. But the others are all the ‘designated’ heroes so any murder or death they cause is absolutely fine, justifiable and instantly forgotten. They never face any consequences for their actions. Jonn was a civilian who killed another civilian, if Kara was actually doing her ‘JOB’ she should have taken him to the police station/DEO like she does anybody else. But again, logistics. 

For the record, im not saying there weren't reasons for all these deaths, or the above characters are bad, im just stating that it isnt all black and white and they aren't any better than Lena in these cases .

Whether or not what Lena did was right or wrong, the others have essentially done the same or had to be prevented from doing the same. Lena unfortunately didn't have a bestie super to talk her out of it, or the option of time travel to fix it. 

Oh and one last thing in response to “Lena HAD Kryptonite!”

1. Alex shot her SISTER out of the sky with Kryptonite. 

2. Jonn carried around a Kryptonite knife he ‘really liked’ and was disappointed when Kara the kryptonian didnt bring it back with her after a fight?? 

3. Jonn had Kryptonite cuffs he brought to a fight with him purely so he could use them on Kara so she could stop him from killing an unconscious alien. 

Rant over.

As always, discussion welcome, abuse not so much :-) 

[maddiphicent]

I saw this and I love it so much I decided to participate. Right now imma be using my favorite para, but I'll probably change it. I kinda googled some questions so i could start this easier, but let's go!

Paramay Day one-Intro

1. What is your paras full name?

Lea Marie Ogden/Blomish/Sadler depending on what part of her life you are referring too.

2. How did your para's parents decide on their name?

Lea Marie's dad left before she was born and her mom hated Lea Marie since she was pregnant so she never even picked out a name for the "little parasite." When she was born, her mom spat at the nurse telling her to pick out a name. The nurse chose Lea Marie, after her aunt who just passed.

3. How tall are they?

5'3"

4. What do they look like?

She's of Japanese/Greek decent with dark black hair till shes 17 (and had to kill her brother out of self defense) and her hair turns gray from the trauma of it. Her eyes are deep blue.

5. What is their birthday (month, date, and year)?

February 29th, 1992. Her mom used to tell Lea Marie she was born on a leap year so she could have "less birthdays" then everyone else because no one should be celebrating her birth. After being adopted, her step mom celebrated her birthday on non-leap years on both February 28th and March 1st because it was extra special and needed to be celebrated for 2 whole days!

6. Where were they born?

New Jersey, 25 minute train ride from NYC. I never settled on a town because I dont know much about geography anyway but also because Lea Marie grew up in a town with a lot of gang violence going on. It's the main reason her teachers never cared about her obvious abuse in her house. Everyone showed up with bruises and scars.

7. Where were their grandparents’ born?

Japan! They came over from Japan in the 1940s and changed their last names to a more english sounding one in order to hopefully find a job easier.

8. Where do they live now?

NYC. Lea Marie and her husband Jared are broadway actors.

9. Do they have any medical problems, diseases, injuries?

Because her mom smoked/drank while pregnant, the muscles in Lea Marie's legs and lower back never full formed. As a result she can't walk without assistance. She uses crutches and a wheelchair to get by (depending). She prefers her crutches but a wheelchair is easier in most situations. In the winter she almost exclusively has to use a wheelchair because of how much her legs and back hurts. When she was a kid/teenager it didnt bother her as much but in her adult life it really messes with her.

10. What religion are they, and why?

I guess pagan? Her dad is literally Hermes so she kinda has to believe in the greek gods, but with how much shit her stepbrother and her gave gone through as a result of them she sure as hell doesnt worship them.

11. What kind of house/apartment do they live in?

As a kid, she lived with her grandparents till she was 4. Imagine the most basic of suburban white family homes and that's where she lived. After she lived with her mom in a tiny, very shitty 1 bedroom/1 bathroom home. Lea Marie's "room" was the laundry room where a washer and dryer never even existed because she was too poor. Her bed was a beanbag chair and 2 pillows. After being adopted she moves into her stepparents 3 bedroom/2 bath apartment in NYC where she sleeps in a bed for the very first time in her life.

Now she lives in a one story house, 2 bedroom house in nyc (which I don't think exist but it's my paracosm and I will do whatever the hell I want!). The one bedroom is a regular bedroom while the other is a recording studios for her and her husband to record (mostly covers) in but Lea Marie also writes her own songs and music.

12. Do they have any pets?

Jared is deathly allergic to every animal, so no. But Lea Marie still loves all animals and would love to own a dog, but knows she cant.

13. Are you married? If so, what is your spouse’s name?

As previously mentioned, she is to her husband Jared Sadler (he goes by his middle name but I never actually came up with a first name for him). They've been best friends since they were 8 years old and started dating when they were 16, got married when they were 24. They started dating after they were the lead roles in Legally Blonde for their theater company so I kinda have to add (very cheesily) "if there ever was a perfect couple this one quailfies" because they've never fought once and both are so understanding and patient with each other.

14. What kind of car do they drive?

Lea Marie doesn't drive mostly because shes too scared to do so but also...she lives in NYC so theres no actual point.

15. What was their first job?

She played guitar in Book of Mormon. When people ask what her first show was never never knows if that counts or not. She did that for a year before going on to play Bazzard.

16. What is their dream job?

To play Elphaba in Wicked! She had seen the show 237 times prior to getting the role (because yes she gets the role. She deserves it). Her husband got the role of firero at the same time.

17. What are other facts/stories about them?

Lea Marie's first language was Japanese (which she learned from her grandparents) then sign language (which she learned from Jared's brother in daycare when she was 3), then english (which she became fluent when she was around 8 in because she was in the same class as Jared's brother and often watched the interrupter), and after being claimed by Hermes at camp half blood she was given the gift of tongues (which isnt a thing in the books but it makes sense since Hermes is the god of travel) so she can speak any language that's not Latin.

She had selective mutism until she was 18. She only spoke to people who she actually thought would listen and value her opinion. The most people she talked to at one time was 20. This is because her mom silenced her and didn't allow her to make any noise at home. If she did she would either be hit or locked in her room for days on end. After extensive therapy, she finally started talking to everyone. However she still barely talks as is unless she has to talk. At home she uses mostly sign language to Jared (even though he makes her comfortable to talk). But if you ever get her drunk, she will not stop talking! She will tell you every story ever when she's drunk. Jared loves it because he loves her so much and loves when shes comfortable enough to talk. The only other time she talks more than usual is if shes in a really good mood.

She is adept at pick pocketing and only has been caught once when she was 8 when she stole a $10k watch off a very important, very terrible business man in NYC. She panicked when caught and threw it down a drain. They gave her a choice to go to jail (cause the guy was a terrible person) or join the theater company in her hometown that was created because of all the gang violence to give kids something to do after school (very aware this is not how things work but it's my paracosm). She joined the theater and learned to play the guitar at first just trying not to be seen until Jared begged her to audition. After reminding him she like talking, Jared told her "but it's not you talking! It's the character! You're someone completely different up there. Everyone want to hear what you say!" Lea Marie loved this idea and so she did audition and got the part of little red riding hood in into the woods. She loved plays ever sense because she loved being someone shes not.

Her favorite movie is legally blonde and it was also the only lead role she got in said theater company.

She learned how to do guitar solos on an acoustic guitar when her mom wasnt home because someone told her disabled people cant play the guitar and she wanted to prove them wrong. (She played the electric at the theater).

Her mom works as a manager of the only gas station in town.

She was kicked out of a total of 4 schools. Once when she was 8 for starting a fight, once when she was 10 for finishing a fight, once when she was 14 because she was caught having sex in a janitors closest, and once when she was 15 because she was caught having sex in the boys bathroom. The first 3 were in new jersy in her home town while the last one was in NYC since no school in New Jersey wanted her. Her mom was pissed she had to pick her up so often and when she was kicked out her mom was threatening to kill her. She was so scared she got out of the car and "ran" to her best friends apartment (where she spent most of her time anyway and was pretty much their daughter). Her best friends mom and step dad adopted her a week later (not how things work but in my paracosm because demigods are so dangerous they have a law specifically for them to not be placed in foster care if avoided so as not to cause more trouble).

I think I just dumped a lot but I still might add onto this later. This is so fun and I'm glad this is a thing! I cant wait to read about your paras!

[someoneintheshadow456]

i understand the heart of where you were coming from with your response on the edelgard post. but i would like you to know that i think you have some misconceptions in your argument. firstly, korea's "religious fanaticism" especially in regards to christianic religion, is more of a phenomenon with korean immigrants, and is not reflective of the predominant religious views in korea itself.

As a korean myself, i can say that it is unlikely that koreans are inclined to be against edelgard simply because the church in game is inclined against her. speaking with various other asian poc, those who do not like edelgard are primarily against her due to much of her activities in-game calling to mind japan’s imperialistic history of invading our countries and colonizing us. 

Regardless of whether people believe edelgard’s individual motivations are justifiable or not, it must be recognized that much of the game seems to promote a very pro-imperialistic agenda. even in non-edelgard routes, the endings are very leaned towards centralizing control of the continent often with disregard of independent state’s wishes. edelgard’s position as primary antagonist means that it is easy to see her as the primary representative of this mindset. 

I don’t believe that the op is wrong in asserting that americans have favored edelgard while koreans have not for certain reasons. while the context is different, her popularity in japan versus korea can most likely be accounted for along similar lines of a history of imperialism. while fans of edelgard may not be in favor of her specifically for these views, there is a fundamental difference in perspective american and japanese fans are coming to the game with. 

I dont believe that the op is wrong in asserting that americans have favored edelgard while koreans have not for certain reasons. while the context is different, her popularity in japan versus korea can most likely be accounted for along similar lines of a history of imperialism. while fans of edelgard may not be in favor of her specifically for these views, there is a fundamental difference in perspective american and japanese fans are coming to the game with. Sorry if this was an excessive explanation. 

As a lesbian, i find a lot of traits of edelgard that i like. as a korean, however, my discomfort with her is great enough that i shy away from her. i respect who you choose to like or dislike in the game, and am only aiming to maybe inform what i felt was an argument formed on an incomplete misunderstanding of my country’s culture and history.

TLDR: The korean dislike of edelgard can be more attributed to the history of violent colonization from japan that she brings to mind. as japan executed this kind of behavior against many asian countries, this is a sentiment shared by several of my other asian peers. thank you if youve read all of these rambling messages xp, its an important topic to me and i wanted you to know religious fanatacism at the very least isnt a fully accurate description of my people 

Thanks for the explanation and I can understand where you’re coming from when you put it in this way. 

I also acknowledge that my negative experiences with Korean immigrants may have coloured my perception on the matter. In India we have had Koreans come here because of Hyundai, and the ones they sent here behaved so badly (I used to joke that Korea was using India as a garbage dump for its undesirables because there was no way the entire country was like that) that many real estate agents in India will not lease properties to Koreans. And now Hyundai has to give its employees racial sensitivity training in order to send them to India. This was in the mid-late 2000s however, so I’m sure things have changed since then. 

India has a history of colonization as well by the Mughals and British. Rhea always reminded me of Mother Theresa (who put on a maternal/loving facade to disguise the fact that her hospitals were essentially “dying houses” where she would baptize people on their deathbeds, and was notorious for grooming her patients into thinking their sickness was “a blessing from Jesus”) and other Christian missionaries which was why she left such a bad taste in my mouth. Rhea’s behaviour is how British colonists in general also behaved, pretending to be a benefactor and kind to her subjects while actually abusing them. Even though the Indian Fire Emblem fanbase is very small, the ones who I’ve talked to have a dislike of Rhea for those reasons as well. However I don’t say that people who like Rhea are religious zealots/fanatics/whatever, because your fiction doesn’t affect your morality. 

My problem with a lot of Blue Lions fans is many of them get overzealous when it comes to their path and tend to antagonize Edelgard fans, insinuating that ALL OF THEM have radfem-esque principles and only like Edelgard because she’s a woman/because she’s bisexual, or that they have White supremacist beliefs even if they’re POC themselves. They also think that if you’re a fan of Edelgard, you MUST hate Dimitri, even though many of them don’t. And the hypocritical Black Eagles fans who come under the faction that Blue Lions fans are attacking make things worse for the normal Black Eagles fans who are just trying to enjoy the content, because we get lumped in with the crazies. 

All this nonsense makes me want to join with Golden Deers even though I don’t really like Claude that much, because they’re the only group that doesn’t fight with everyone all the time. 

[mag7dumbies]

Magnificent Seven Series (1998) Pilot major spoilers

So I finally finished watching the Pilot and good lord I had thoughts, and no this is not the first time I’ve watched this episode, I’m just that extra when I watch TV 

(Here we go yet again folks strap in)

(I have mentioned I hate the confederates- garbage humans the lot)

(Also giving birth is better in a squatting position- or at least that’s what I’ve heard)

(Seminoles are actually a very interesting tribe to read about)

“I respect no man’s law but my own” well fuck you too racist bastard (not only that but you need to get a fucking haircut and someone to repair that ratty flag of yours or better yet burn it)

I hate that he is so right cause we still have nut jobs in the south who are in denial that we won the war 

The movie was so much nicer goodness (I mean violence wise it wasn’t as insane as this is)

I hate that the general is not completely bad (he isn’t close to good but he still has morals, which is hard to believe considering what he believes)

(The general is nuttier than an oak tree)

OKAY HOW DARE YOU, I’M NEARLY A TRILLION PERCENT SURE THAT SAND IS SACRED AND YOU JUST FUCKING CHUCK IT WHO RAISED YOU

AND YOU PUT THAT MASK WHERE YOU FOUND IT GODDAMN IT

“I believe I can turn gold into bullets” (what does that even mean)

(Didn’t realize that this whole episode was a week’s worth of stuff huh)

(I love that they included freed slaves just makes me happy)

Lordy boardy here we go

Chris this is not the time for a drink

The duster flaps in the wind- okay we get it Chris is a badass- he was drinking glass, earlier we know

The Marshall is a coward (this reminds me of a fantastic fic I once found that had the Marshall return and Nathan was understandably pissed it was awesome)

He’s wearing an apron- oh Vin you have fallen so far, (I’m glad he has long hair though, in the movie it was pretty short which didn’t really fit cause you know Vin isn’t one for conventions or white men tradition)

Mary, Mary quite contrary-angry I mean angry good lord I love her

(I always pronounce gangrene as gaygrene and its super frustrating cause I’ll try my hardest to say it right but my mouth doesn’t work that way or at least it doesn’t sound right)

Only in the nineties could you say darkie doctors on TV and not be immediately cancelled or there to be some sorta outrage, same thing applies to lynching, you can hang white folks on TV but the minute a black person is having the noose we have problems (which is really good cause there are people still alive that have probably witnessed a lynching of someone who certainly didn’t deserve it)

That son of a bitch, pushing Mary was stupid because not only are you being racist which is a trait no one likes but also being a sexist pig- (you are in for it now)

Uh-oh Vin is pissed that isn’t good for anyone (well Nathan but that isn’t the point)

Do you think Vin gives a damn about being employed- and how did he get the apron off so fast like damn

THE FUCKING NOD

Here he comes the stupidest boy in the Wild West- (I’m gonna punch something I swear)

He’s so little 

Chris nearly shot Jd’s foot off 

“Where’d you come from” where did you go where’d you come from, tall dark stranger and his weird friend

(The saloon bit tickles me to death)

(For some reason it reminds me of Lone Ranger and I don’t know why)

Vin is a fucking sweetheart and I love him

Poor Nathan I hope his throat is okay

Vin do you have to be negative and suicidal in the same swoop seriously

Its Buckaroo time everybody, hell yeah

Then he jumps out a fucking window like a moron, and Chris is just standing there like a he’s too cool for school

(Is it Josiah or ‘osiah, not entirely sure)

And here comes the Ez, ugh he’s about as cute as he can get

“Sorry for the mess” lordy be

(Love Ez’s one-liners)

“I abhor gambling” carefully baby don’t want Maude to hear you and fuck you too you Southern bigot (I know he gets better but still, that language isn’t okay)

What the fuck is he doing with his fancy footwork just leave the saloon for mother’s sake

It’s too early in the morning to deal with Jd just goddammit (I’m gonna make some popcorn and come back to this cause I seriously can’t)

(Okay I’ve calmed down and I am ready for the stupidity)

What did he think was going to happen, of course, you fell off your fucking horse you side saddled that bitch and startled a horse that you don’t even know you’re better than this

(The only thing he can’t do is have a brain cell)

Chris is an asshole

This damn kid

Buck what the hell are, you doing, leave the kiddo be

(I also find it difficult to trust white men)

And here comes the boy and Buck (Jd’s hair is just bad, it’s like Snape’s)

Buck is right about Jd being a prep

“We’ll carve it on his tombstone” brutal Chris just brutal

(Vin is a sweet boy have I said that already cause he is)

Ezra is so good with kids damn

(Ron Perlman’s arms hell yeah)

Ezra nearly died good lord and he just goes with it and pretends he did it on purpose

Here comes Rainey girl I love her

Nathan why you hurt me, and RAINE THIS ISNT THE TIME TO PLAY MATCHMAKER

I love Raine’s dad he’s fantastic

Buck is such a goof I love him

Why is the guy, so raspy what happened

Jd getting punched is my favorite

This is so cringe, and I really like it “I was in prison for not being white” (that is still the case for some people and we all know it)

Buck CHILL THE FUCK OUT 

Vin are you serious, you don’t know Chris and there you are just hanging out and suddenly you’re like hey dude if I die, take my body to Tascosa you will get a huge payday, he didn’t have to do that at all but he’s just that dude I love him too much

(There’s also a really good fic about Josiah and his crows it's great)

Ezra, I’m done with you, good lord just go home

Here we go

Nathan is a gift to all

Buck don’t waste bullets and Josiah go to a hospital, Jd you’re an idiot and nearly died plus Ezra what are you doing go to Nathan, dumbass

Buck spewing truth everywhere

Bruised my ass Ezra just accept help like a normal human being goddamn

Nathan does not take no for an answer and ow I heard that crack in my own arm ouch

Nathan called him out

Josiah, I love you so much, (usually, I really hate missionaries cause they can be extremely intolerant to other religions especially those of Native peoples,) but Josiah tries his best to respect them which is a breath of fresh air

Josiah fainting isn’t helpful I don’t care what the crows, say (he’s a birdbrain)

Poor Jd, I just wanna give him a hug, and dude chill you are being a mess, like drink like a normal person

Buck stop telling people Chris’s past it isn’t appropriate

And I swear we own an old blanket that looks exactly like Josiah’s poncho no joke

“I’m a spiritual man, sometimes I turn to the wrong kind of spirits” I love this line

Ezra stop corrupting the youth, (Ezra is like O’Reilly and I love that characterization)

What debts they can’t be older than 10, Ezra stop, please 

Nathan, I get you love, her -chill, and Jd “I haven’t shot anyone yet” are you kidding me, seriously

“Buck you’re full of crap” “You’re just figuring that out now” (Had I mentioned I love their dynamic cause I really really do)

(I did some research on Laudanum, purely for fun and apparently, it’s basically just a mixture of every opiate available and then some, plus it’s illegal to make for obvious reasons,)

That’s right Ezra you aren’t a coward or at least not completely

(Jd’s story makes me think that maybe MAYBE he was abused as a kid in the stables, not anything too horrific but still bad and I really wanna write about it)

Btw there is a wonderful thing (I think it was posted by 7men not sure though) anyway it says something about Jd used some of the money to take care of his mama before she died, and after there wasn’t enough to go to college but there was enough to go out west) I think about it at least once a month

(The war is over if only some people could get that through their thick heads)

Ezra you sneaky son of a bitch pulling a Chico

Chris is such a badass I mean that must hurt pulling off that handcuff

Round Three

I’m a bad bitch “You can’t kill me”

John Daniel Dunne- are you kidding me, are you trying to make either myself or Buck die because if you are you’re doing a great job (He is so stupid)

Buck, really you could have tackled him or really done anything else- instead you decide to fucking get stabbed by a sword (this is why you only have half a brain cell- I mean God fucking damn it)

Really Jo seriously like thanks for taking a bullet for Buck but really

Watching this episode has taken almost three hours but it’s totally worth it

(This is the worst part ugh it's like a weird zombie movie)

“You were like a son to me” Bitch you nearly shot him with a cannon

Chris thank you I wasn’t sure if that stupid general was gonna bite it or not

Jd cut out the angst you’re gonna hurt yourself 

This old dude is a gift

“Buck, you look awful” kid your hair looks awful don’t let me get started

Nathan, Raine and the kid look like the perfect family and it makes me smile

“Where you going? Get down off that horse” poor Nathan what did he do to deserve the stress of dealing with those idiots like seriously what did he do

The good thing though is I’m pretty sure Josiah got a new poncho which is definitely a win

Raine gets it though she’s just ‘look those white morons are gonna get themselves killed so it’s better if you at least try to save their skins’ I can handle things here

Poor Josiah, he is just as hunched over as he can be, its pitiful  

Okay I’m FINALLY done with this episode, think I may read a little before I get back on the saddle and on to my absolute favorite episode One Day Out West

[asking-jude]

This ask was most likely deleted because of the bugs the Tumblr staff refuse to resolve. Contact them here and complain to make our community more efficient.

anonymous asked: 

Why can other races say whites people look funny or speak weird but white people cant say anything

asking-jude said: 

Hello, I would like to direct you to the history of the Jim Crow Era in Black History. This era utilized extreme psychological warfare on Black Americans coming out of slavery and entering the reconstruction era. Black Americans were attacked from every side involving their cultural identity during slavery: their native tongue was prohibited and erased, their cultural dress banned, spiritual practices condemned and persecuted, unions unacknowledged, etc. During the Jim Crow Era, their appearance, mannerisms, language, and talent were exploited as marketing propaganda, theatrical performances, and Hollywood productions, blackface mockery, and comic strips in newspaper prints. This was all done to remind Black Americans of their place in the caste system and psychologically induce self-hatred among their communities and future generations.

White Americans had an entire era on top of slavery to oppressively "poke fun" at Black Americans. Today there is major scandal and hypocrisy in White Americans appropriating the physical bodily appearance and cultural aspects of Black Americans. There is a difference between appreciation and appropriation, and the vast majority of White America has never shown respect or appreciation towards the Black community. Keep in mind it is not just the Black community in which White America has appropriated culture. Indian culture, Native Americans, Hispanics and Latinos, almost every other culture outside of White culture has been appropriated and yet also heavily condemned and persecuted by White Americans at some point in history and today.

Minorities turn to humor as a method of repression of the anger they cannot rawly express without backlash from the White community. That anger is cumulative of centuries of abuse, disrespect, and pain passed down through generations. Today racial tensions are higher because racist and bigot like behaviors are being supported and encouraged by the 45th president and his administration. Dark oppressive humor was facilitated toward Blacks and other minorities. Their humor regarding White  Americans is actually honest. The best way for you to avoid feeling offended, is to actually try to understand where that humor is coming from. That's also a good way to facilitate change. Blacks and other minorities have never and will never be able to joke about White in the way they have without extreme social repercussions. Let those who have been the recipients of centuries of oppression and pain find humor where and how they may. It shouldn't make you uncomfortable. It should make you think.

I have included an image and article of marketing stemming from the Jim Crow Era, and an article on cultural appropriation.

Article on Jim Crow Marketing https://www.ferris.edu/HTMLS/news/jimcrow/antiblack/index.htm Jim Crow Image https://i.pinimg.com/564x/94/c2/ca/94c2ca2d19cc8e6b2e1c6610d11b3b92.jpg Cultural Appropriation https://au.reachout.com/articles/why-cultural-appropriation-isnt-cool

Best Wishes,

Ieisha Lee

Asking Jude needs YOUR help! Donate pocket change here and save our safe space.

[blandmemoirs]

Reflection in the Dark

Sometimes you watch a show and it changes your perspective in subtle, nuanced ways. Sometimes you consume information in a way that informs you of something you always understood about yourself, but in a way that makes it more clear. Lately, I've felt, lost? I'm not sure that's the right way to describe it. Perhaps I am trapped? In the dark? Lets go with that. I've felt as if I am in a dark place, slowly marching through the thick of it. I cant see in front of me, and I don't know if I'm making progress or if I'm just going back to where I came from. The more things change, the more they stay the same. And my life has received some small changes with larger overarching meanings that have left me confused and... At a loss. I walk down this lonely road and wonder if the path really means anything, or if I'm slowly pacing towards a bitter end. My senses tell me tragedy is on the horizon, but I am blind as to where it is to come from. Normally I see the bullets coming my way. What does intuition command my path is to be? Its silent. I hear static. I'm in the dark. What do I choose? Am I at a crossroads or have I already taken the turn? Am I going backwards? What is progress? Does it even fucking matter? Or am I concerning myself with things that dont even matter? Do I just drop it all and let go? Let it freeze over. At least the cold takes me where the wind blows.

I do as I have always done and turn to the world of fiction for answers. Be it fate or my own unwitting subconscious, I read of tragedy and loss. I see heartache and hurt. I see broken men lose it all. But as is a constant in the world of comics and capes, they persevere. They are grieving, but they still do what they are called on to do. They still protect and serve and save. Because that is their purpose. It is what they are meant to be. The memory of love lost, and a willingness to carry on. An acceptance of the loneliness and an ever-changing world. They choose to be a constant. To never let the weight of their personal conflicts hold them back from their purpose.

This brings me very specifically to The Punisher Season 2, which I just finished watching. Frank Castle is a man wandering in the dark. No sense of purpose, just drifting. He lost everything, all the love he had in the world ripped from him violently by evil men, some close to him. But he made them pay for it. He punished every piece of shit that had anything to do with his loss. But then what? What is he? Where does he go? He finally lowers his guard to start anew, only for his whole world to go back to shit and the person he fell for to be wounded in the fray. Frank is a man of conviction. He cant see suffering and let is persist. He must step in and put a stop to it. Even if it costs him a "normal life". And so he embarks on a journey of his own making in which he faces a new enemy and an old enemy he couldnt put down last time. In it he must face himself and the decisions he makes. He avenged his family. He put down eveyone involved. Yet here he is, on a violent path again. This time for no motivation other than to protect someone he has no obligation to. In the ensuing 13 hours the show took to finish, I found myself remembering just why I like this character so much.

Frank Castle is a tragic character. His wife and two kids gunned down in front of him. His only meaning in life taken from him. He takes up arms and exacts brutal, bloody punishment on those involved, and eventually, every evil doer who crosses his path. Frank lives in a world of black and white. Of good and evil. Evil must be killed, and good protected. Frank is neither good or bad. He is the line seperating them. He is the executioner carving that bloody divide. Frank doesnt see himself as good, he just sees himself as what he is, The Punisher. He kills the bad people. Thats how simple his world is. You do harm to other people, you hurt the innocent, you must be punished. Frank differs from the traditional hero because he kills. And he feels no remorse for it. He is THE Anti-Hero. He does bad things for the benefit of the good. There are times when I would like to be that. When I consider becoming that way. There are times I have done bad things to help good people. Obviously, I've not done anything as drastic as Frank, but the themes are similar. I am a man of themes and rules.

I see Frank Castle as being the model by which a part of myself wishes to emulate. A man with nothing to lose and a code to enforce. No feelings or friends, just channeling all of my anger and hate into hurting the ones who deserve it most. Its not a sustainable model, and it would only result in my loss. Frank is a sad character in great pain. There isnt a day he doesnt miss his family. But he knows the things he has done would make his family ashamed of him, so he fights his endless war instead. Frank is twice offered a new life this season, both times rejecting the women who love him for the pursuit of his purpose, punishment. Frank ends the show by "becoming what he is meant to be", The Punisher. After a season of him considering what his role in the world is, and whether he can ever allow himself to enjoy a happy ending, Frank pleads his closest friends to be permitted to be what he is meant to be. Frank has given up on his hope for a happy life, and instead is resigned to enacting pain on all who do evil.

I do not want to be like Frank Castle. He is not a role model like Captain America, or a guiding example like the Hulk. The Punisher is a character that has given up striving to be good. He just does what he wants to do because its what he does best. He has rules and a code. He has a sense of morality and purpose, but he has no humanity left in him. He has no love. He only has his wounded soul and a hate fueled by the anger he feels in his loss. Frank is a sad example of what a person can become when they resign themselves to purpose.

I enjoy The Punisher because I can feel what he feels and indulge myself in his reality without becoming him. Its catharsis. The fantasy of beating down abusers and making them swallow their own teeth and beg for mercy as they choke on their own blood. Season Two experimented with a more merciful Frank Castle. But Frank is not meant to be merciful. He is an executioner. Mercy is for the other heroes. The hope of redemption for evil or faith in a system is what separates Frank from those like Daredevil or the Batman. Each instance of mercy was unique in that's its causes and consequences were different. Sometimes more innocents are hurt, other times the man he spared was someone doing evil against their own will, fighting for a cause out of their control. Frank spares many soldiers who are only following orders so long as they can admit their orders were wrong. "Do what you gotta do" he says.

The Punisher will always capture my imagination because I feel the connection to him. That one bad day could spiral me into a position like his. My values remain, but my soul is gone. My purpose is clear, but my heart is cold. I am simply a shell of myself, acting more as a machine or a force of nature than a man. Frank is even referred to as a "whirlwind" at one point. He is defended as not being a criminal, but also not being a hero. Hes just Frank. Sometimes I see myself in a similar vein, not a good man, not a bad man, just Robbie Bland. A constant.

Frank Castle is a forbidden future I hope I never find myself venturing into. I don't want to become like that. So sad, so tragic, so hurt. But committed, committed to a purpose. Committed to a cause, a war. There is no peace for Frank Castle, and perhaps there may never be a peace for Robbie Bland.

As I wander through this dark in my life, I wonder what I may become, if I am to change at all. I wonder what road I may choose, and if it will be the right one for me. For now, I persist in this limbo state. A good enough job in a good enough apartment surrounded by what I hope is endless support from my loved ones. The times are a-changing. But the more things change, the more they remain the same. The more I begin to think I am not alone, the more alone I feel. For now, I can only persevere and wait for the sun to shine.

Waiting, I'm growing good at it. I'm a patient man, no doubt. I can wait a long time. I just need to know what I'm waiting for, and if what I'm waiting for is the right thing in the first place. I am not growing impatient. I am wondering why the hell I am waiting for something I dont fully understand. But, maybe that means I'm bad at waiting.

I'm in the dark. Wandering. Waiting. Contemplating. I think more to the past with each passing day, making peace with some things and plans for others.

Punisher Season 2 has made me realize that I do not want to let go of the chaos my heart hold. That I do not want to let my heart freeze over so that I can commit to purpose and survival. I'd rather feel and pursue what makes me happy than resign myself to loss. Whatever tragedy approaches me, I will face it, and I will make myself better from it.

Getting to live in Frank Castle's head the last day or so has me knowing it is not a place I wish to remain permanently. Merely to indulge at times when I need to be reminded why I chase the things I do.

Good things come to those who wait. I merely need to be patient, the night is darkest before the dawn.