#this isn’t even funny

[cabesswtaer]

me every other page while reading tsc, probably: “NEW LORE WRITE THIS DOWN WRITE THIS DOWN”

[slopmasc]

*walks into Teufort, New Mexico*

WOKE FORTRESS 2?!

THE HEAVY CUNTING GUY?!

SHE/HER SNIPER?!

THE SLAY SOLDIER?!

ENBY ENGINEER?!

BLUE HAIR AND PRONOUNS SPY?!

MASC MEDIC?!

DRAG QUEEN DEMOMAN?!!

SCOUT?!?!

PYRO?!!!!

MX. PAULING?!????!??!!

SAXTON HALE?!!!

[monowires]

just made myself giggle because i thought of a dragonborn shouting and someone else responding with “don’t use that tone of Voice with me”

[capybapybara]

happy mother’s day to celia, a single mom running from the horrors

[walmart-the-official]

Just dance is scary because if you leave it idling for a minute you might suddenly hear jingle bells playing

[epiclamer]

I saw you posted saying you didn't have any horny jail asks, so um.. how about a spicy interrogation type thing?

I AM SICK AGAIN. SICK. FEVER. I HAVE A FEVER. AGAIN.

Cw: semi smutty

(No reposts but reblogs appreciated <3)

Intricate Answers

Hero slammed their fists down on the metal table, rattling everything except the villain who practically lounged in their seat. Smirking slightly at how flustered their enemy was getting over their lax demeanour.

“Listen, Villain. You’re going to tell me where those diamonds are, or else.” Hero leaned in, leaving only a small gap between them and the villain cuffed to the table. They bared their teeth in some attempt of a menacing smile, but to Villain they looked more like an angry puppy; it was adorable.

Villain thought about the threat for a moment, humming as if they were making a big decision up in their head before their eyes flicked back to the hero. “Or else what?”

A mix of shock and exhaustion slipped through Hero’s mask before they returned to their stone-face. “What do you mean ‘or else what’?”

Villain could barely control their enjoyment. “You have piqued my interest, dearest.” They leaned forward so they were eye to eye with their nemesis. Standing up from their chair so they hovered just above the Hero’s line of sight. “I want to know just exactly what you’ll do to me if I don’t behave.”

Admittedly, the hero should’ve stopped right then and there, knowing full well that they had already lost this battle, but their stupid sense of pride kicked them into overdrive. Forcing them to stand as tall as they could and reach to grab Villains shirt collar as they yanked them down so Hero’s lips were at their ear.

“You want to play games, Villain? You think this is funny? Well, let me tell you something, if you decide to make my job harder and ruin this operation, then you will pay, big time.” Hero released Villain from their hold, pushing them back down into their seat as they took a step back and a deep breath.

Villain grinned, breaking out into a million dollar smile that ignited something deep in Hero’s core. “If I’m being honest,” Villain droned, walking their fingers along the table as far as they could from the bar they were cuffed around. “I was indeed trying to make… something harder and this operation was—unfortunately for you—not the only thing I was planning on ruining…”

Hero’s face was priceless, beet red and steam was practically coming out of their ears. They couldn’t decide between wanting to slap Villain and wanting to pull them in and connect their lips, but the heat of the moment was too overwhelming for them to do either. Besides, they were worried that if they had chosen to slap the villain, the other would’ve been welcoming them with open thighs any second.

Instead, Hero resorted to the one card they had left as they turned on their heel and stormed to the interrogation room door. Not daring to look back at the villain who was in laughing hysterics and could hardly find the room to breathe.

“Oh, and Hero~” Against their better judgement the crime-stopper halted at the door, glaring back at their nemesis. “I really do hope you make me pay. Probably just as much as I sure as hell hope it’s big.” With that, Hero slammed the door and made a B-line for the locker room showers where they prayed they could cool off.

[intruder-time]

This might be a controversial take, but I think it should be illegal to lock your front doors. I promise this is not just so I can get into houses easier. I just really think it should be against the law to secure your home.

[vonkarma2]

[splynter]

My semester: -begins-

The tropical storm hitting my city:

[sigynpenniman]

Q: when does 17 equal 15?

A: when it’s in base 8

[firstanonthemoon]

GM: Chess when played perfectly is a draw.

Chess when played perfectly:

[tiredandtiredandredundant]

Actually MY favorite 👅thot👏 from New Jersey is Gerard Way, lead singer of American rock band My Chemical Romance.

Born in Summit, New Jersey, on April 9, 1977, Way is of Italian and Scottish ancestry. Raised in Belleville, New Jersey, alongside brother Mikey Way, he first began singing publicly in the fourth grade, when he played the role of Peter Pan in a school musical produc

[sleepyygooose]

It’s like fucking midnight and I just remembered I have a homework thing due tomorrow about Kenya that I have to do for geography that was due last year and I lost it and now I just remembered there’s fucking very not-optional (whatever the word is it’s too late for this I swear) maths revision and I don’t even know what I’m doing I swear I’m high on like a litre of caffeine send help please

[bellehaspurplehair]