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ravenclaw-writes · 1 year

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Remus' Impromptu Study Break

Pairing: Remus Lupin x Sirius Black

Description:

"Sod off Pads, I'm mad at you," Remus decided his best way out would just be to go have a shower. He got out of the bed, picking up his pyjama bottoms to hold in front of his crotch.

"Me? What did I do?" Sirius asked, blocking the door to the bathroom, cocking an eyebrow.

"You know what you did, wanker," Remus tried to push past.

"Oh, so I'm the wanker, huh?" Sirius smirked and Remus was getting tired of having to deal with him. All he wanted was a day to catch up with his studies.

"I was trying to study, and you just had to distract me. So yes, I'm mad." Remus huffed, but Sirius' smirk did not disappear.

"So what are you going to do about it?"

"I - what?" This caught Remus off guard.

Word Count: 5,603

Original Publish Date: 2021-03-29

A/N: Hello! I've been putting all my writing on AO3 but had someone ask me if I had a tumblr so I thought it was time to start putting my things on other platforms! This is the first one I posted, a couple years back now, which in itself is CRAZY. If you haven't read it yet, hope you like! Feel free to check out my other works, I like to think my writing has gotten better since posting this one. I'm going to be putting them here or you can hop over to my AO3 :)

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It was the tail end of seventh year, NEWTs were quickly approaching and Remus Lupin was spending every free second in the Library. It had reached the point where Madam Pince had given up on getting him to clean up over the weekend, the table at the back with the best window was officially Remus’. Occasionally the other marauders would stop by “to do some studying”. However, they mostly ended up just fucking around and Remus was having none of it. Banned from being within earshot of the table (“That’s not fair, Moony, you have super-hearing!”), Remus only allowed the 5th years he tutored to join him, and even then, during scheduled hours of the day.

The only exception to this rule, and not by choice, was Sirius Black. Remus simply couldn’t help himself around the other boy. They were both eighteen now, and Remus had been helpless in love with him since third year. Specifically, the oh fuck moment happened in Potions class when Sirius put his hair up in a bun, held together by his wand. Sirius had smiled in a cocky way that could only be translated into tada! and Remus was done for. Five years later, Remus still found himself dreaming of that stupid smile.

“Why does Padfoot get to study with you?” James whined, catching the two of them walking out of the Library.

“Because, Prongs, he knows how to keep his mouth shut, like a good boy,” Remus shot back.

“Moony just likes me best, what can I say, the man has good taste!” Sirius teased, trying to hide the way his cheeks had flushed. That was another thing Remus loved about him. His fair skin was never able to hide his emotions. Remus, on the other hand, was able to keep his cool a little better, despite the fact that yeah, he did like Sirius the best. So much so that James, or even Peter for that matter, would never be able to compete.

The three of them walked back to the Common Room together, James and Sirius bickering nonstop with Remus trailing behind. He didn’t mind it though. He liked seeing Sirius smile and laugh the way he always did with James. It was one of the few times that Remus ever saw Sirius so carefree. He wanted to be able to do that with him. Joke around, touch without worrying, look without feeling like he was overstepping, push a loose strand of hair behind his ear, glance at lips and then to eyes, lean down and - Merlin’s balls he was fucked. Or, well, more like not fucked.

They reached the Common Room, gave the password, and stepped through the portrait hole. James and Sirius were still in their own world and continued through the room and up the stairs to their dorm. Remus didn’t follow and instead headed to the couch in front of the fire and flopped his whole body down, face-first into a pillow, letting out a groan of frustration.

“That bad, huh?” Startled, Remus turned his head away from the pillow and found Lily sitting in the armchair across from him.

“Thought I was alone,” he replied, turning himself over so he was lying on his back.

“Thought as much. I was about to put the kettle on, fancy a cuppa?” Remus heard Lily close the book she was reading.

“Please,” Remus answered. He watched as the kettle lifted off the ground and hung itself on the hook above the fire.

“Anything in particular on your mind? Perhaps someone whose name rhymes with Birius Slack?” Lily teased. She was the only person who knew of Remus’ predicament. Being the brightest witch of their year, she was able to put two and two together back in fifth year when Remus was going through his holy-shit-Sirius-has-gorgeous-hands phase. After cornering him between classes and promising not to tell a single soul Remus confessed. Thankfully, because if he had to keep all his feelings about Sirius locked up with the rest of his everyday feelings he probably would have done something stupid like snog him senseless at a Quidditch afterparty.

“I don’t know how I’m going to survive, Lils,” Remus sighed, rubbing his hands over his face.

“You know how I feel about the whole situation,” Lily replied.

“Yeah, I know, tell him how I feel. I just, I can’t. What if it completely backfires? He said he wants us to find a place together. I can’t imagine Peter joining us, and obviously, you and James will be together so it would just be the two of us. I can’t say no to him Lil, I …” Remus trailed off.

Lily sighed as the kettle hissed. Remus saw the cabinet beside the fire open and two mugs floated out. Teabags in, the kettle poured hot water into the mugs. Lily picked them up and carried them over to Remus. She passed him one and lifted up his legs so she could join him on the couch. “I think you really should just go for it, Remus. Even if he doesn’t feel the same I don’t think he would be weird about it,” She toyed with the string of her teabag.

Remus sat up a bit, his feet resting on her lap. “I think I enjoy not knowing more than embarrassing myself when he turns me down,” He said into his mug.

Lily ran her free hand over his shins. “Who’s to say he would turn you down?”

————————

“Afternoon, Moons!” Sirius sing-songed, dropping his books loudly on the table. Remus groaned in response.

“I thought you went to Hogsmeade,” Remus sighed, putting his quill down.

“Can’t get rid of me that easily!” Sirius laughed, taking the first book off the stack he brought with him. Remus sighed. James, Lily, Peter, and evidently not Sirius, were all going on the Hogsmeade trip today and he was hoping to get some uninterrupted studying done. Apparently, the universe had something else in mind. “I didn’t want you to have to spend the day by yourself,” Sirius added.

“Funny, because that’s exactly what I wanted,” Remus said under his breath. Sirius chuckled, unphased.

“Fine, fine. I’ll stay quiet. You won’t even know I’m here,” Sirius made a motion of locking his lips and throwing away the key. Remus let his eyes linger on Sirius’ lips.

Remus shook his head a little, picking his quill back up. He heard Sirius open his book and stole a glance at him. Remus knew right away that he was not going to be able to get any work done. The sun was shining through the window behind Sirius, a soft glow around him. His eyes were focused on the page he was reading, his tongue pressed between his lips in concentration. He kept pushing his hair behind his ears and it kept falling back into his face. Remus longed to reach over and tuck the strand back in place.

In another cruel twist of fate, Remus watched as Sirius picked his wand up off the table. He put it in his mouth, and with his now free hands started to gather his hair to the top of his head, eyes not leaving the page in front of him. Remus watched practiced hands twirl the hair into a bun, and he drew a sharp breath as Sirius took the wand out of his mouth and stuck it through the bun, just like in third year. Sirius sighed and stretched his neck from left to right, letting out a quiet groan each time it cracked. Regrettably, the sound went straight to Remus’ dick. Now he really wasn’t going to get any work done.

“Enjoying the show?” Remus was shaken out of his thoughts of running back to the dorm for a wank while that sound was still fresh in his mind. His eyes focused back on reality and met Sirius’. He had an eyebrow raised and a playful smirk on his lips. Remus tried to stutter out a response when Sirius laughed. “Only teasing you, Moony. Pretty cool isn’t it?” He motioned to his hair. “I figured it out in-”

“Third year, I know,” Remus finished. Sirius flushed and Remus prayed that he didn’t look the same.

“Third year, yeah,” Sirius said softly, nodding his head slightly. His tongue darted out and slowly wet his lips. Remus lightly bit down on his own. Their eyes stayed locked.

“Remus!” Broken out of their trance, Remus turned his head in the direction of the voice to find a fifth year headed his way. Remus smiled and waved. Remus couldn’t remember his name but recognized his face from one of his group tutor sessions from last week when he was helping fifth years from various houses with their OWL studies. The boy made his way over to the table and Remus suddenly got worried that he was going to ask for help. This wasn’t one of the times he had set aside to tutor, he had his own studies to worry about. “Hey, Remus, not at Hogsmeade today?” Great, small talk.

“Nah, I have a bunch of essays to do,” Remus answered, motioning to the towers of books he had on the table.

“Yeah, same here. Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for last week, I finally understood was Binns has been going on about,” The fifth year smiled and Remus didn’t know how to respond to that.

“Oh yeah? Glad I could help!” Merlin, Remus thought, why am I so bloody awkward? There was a pause, and Remus thought that perhaps the fifth year also sensed the awkwardness.

“Well, uh, are you planning on going to Hogsmeade next time? I’ll buy you a butterbeer, to say thanks?” The fifth year started scratching at his arm.

“Oh, cheers, but I don’t know if I’ll be going, depends on how much I have to do,” Remus answered.

“Oh, yeah, understandable. I’ll uh, see you ‘round, yeah?” The fifth year was getting red in the face, and quickly left.

Remus turned back to face Sirius. He looked like he was trying to hold in his laughter. “What’s wrong with you?” Remus asked, picking up his quill.

“He just asked you out, idiot.”

Remus looked up. “No, he didn’t, he just wanted to say thank you and …” Remus trailed off. Oh. He scanned Sirius’ face and broke out into a grin. “What are you, jealous, Padfoot?” He teased, but secretly hoped that the answer would be yes.

“I need to go find a book,” Sirius said, standing up.

Remus blinked a few times, taken aback. “I was only kidding, Sirius -” Remus didn’t finish his thought, Sirius was already walking away.

Remus shook his head and slowly got up from his chair, deciding to follow Sirius. He had brought all his books with him though, what could he possibly need that Remus also didn’t already have on the table? Confused, and worried he’d somehow offended him, Remus started walking in the direction that Sirius had gone. The rows of bookshelves started to blend together and Sirius had disappeared. He turned to look down an aisle and saw Sirius pacing, running his hands over his face. “Sirius?”

Sirius stopped moving and looked up to meet Remus’ eyes. Remus looked around, confused. “Sirius, this is the Herbology section, you haven’t taken this since-”

Remus was unable to finish his sentence. Sirius cut him off by walking up to Remus and forcefully pressing his lips against the other boy’s. Remus’ eyes widened, his arms flailed around a bit before registered that, ok, this is really happening. Apparently, it took too long for him to come to his senses because Sirius started to pull away. Not happy with that decision, Remus reached for Sirius’ tie and pulled him closer, the other hand resting on Sirius’ waist. Remus felt him smile into the kiss. It was better than his daydreams, kissing Sirius. Their mouths moved together and soon Sirius was snaking his arms around Remus’ torso. Things began to heat up fairly quickly and Remus needed to be as close as possible to Sirius. Hands on his waist, Remus walked them a few steps until Sirius hit one of the bookshelves. Remus pressed him there, slotting his leg between Sirius’. Sirius let out a low moan and moved his hands further up Remus’ back. Remus responded by biting down on Sirius’ lip, generating a needy whine that made Remus question how he could have lived without hearing it. However, the moment was short lived as the clicking of Madame Pince’s shoes began to approach and Remus quickly removed himself from Sirius. Huh, Remus thought. Who knew it just took a little jealousy to get into Black’s pants.

Sirius stayed pressed against the bookshelf, face red, lips puffy, hair falling out of the bun. He looked exactly how one might look after a heated makeout session in the back of a library. Remus let his eyes travel down and land on the outline of Sirius’ semi. Fuck.

Sirius smirked, catching his breath as Madame Pince leaned her head into the aisle. “Finding everything ok, boys?”

“Yeah, perfect, thanks!” Remus responded quickly at the same time that Sirius gave her a thumbs up. Madame Pince nodded and continued walking.

Sirius chuckled and removed himself from the bookshelf. “Come on then, I don’t think they have the book I’m looking for,” Sirius smirked and left the aisle.

Remus, dumbfounded, took a moment to collect his thoughts, and calm his dick, before returning back to the table. Sirius was already there, book open, chewing on the base of his wand. He did that a lot, Remus found it both disgusting and incredibly hot. There was absolutely no way that he was going to be able to get back into his studies with Sirius just casually sitting there after what just happened. “I, uh, think I left something back in the common room, I’ll be back in a bit,” He lied.

Sirius looked up, wand still in his mouth. “Want me to come with you?” He asked. No, no, that was the last thing Remus wanted. Or, well, maybe the first.

“No, I just need to get my Transfiguration book, I’ll be quick,” Remus scrambled, wanting to leave as soon as possible.

Sirius shrugged and went back to reading. Remus sighed and made a beeline to Gryffindor Tower.

————————

Remus made it to the Common Room and kept up the quick pace as he climbed the stair to the dorms. He heard laughs coming from the girls’ dorms upstairs and hoped that his friends were still out at Hogsmeade. Finally, back in the comfort of his dorm, he made sure no one else was in the room before flopping down on his bed. How had he managed to get himself in this situation? Snogging Sirius in the Library of all places? Snogging Sirius, period? Remus closed his eyes, trying to relive the moment again. Sirius had felt so good pressed against him. So much better than he thought possible. And then, nothing. Sirius just went back to normal as if nothing had changed.

Of course he did, Remus thought. I’m just reading into it too much. Remus ran his hands over his face and through his hair. He thought back to the sounds Sirius had made and felt himself twitch in his trousers. Ah yes, the real reason he came back to the dorm. Remus was a little embarrassed that he had to duck back for a wank after a simple kiss, but here he was. He ran his hands down his chest and over his growing bulge, imagining it was Sirius’ long fingers instead of his own. Remus decided he was mad at Sirius. How dare he kiss him like that and leave him hot and bothered when he was meant to be studying. Remus untucked his shirt and undid his belt. He started on the button of his trousers when the door to the dorm burst open.

“Moony, you absolute muppet, you already had your Transfiguration book there -” Sirius froze and Remus quickly tried to pull the bed curtains closed. “Oh ho, what do we have here?” Sirius teased, yanking the curtains back open.

“Sod off Pads, I’m mad at you,” Remus decided his best way out would just be to go have a shower. He got out of the bed, picking up his pyjama bottoms to hold in front of his crotch.

“Me? What did I do?” Sirius asked, blocking the door to the bathroom, cocking an eyebrow.

“You know what you did, wanker,” Remus tried to push past.

“Oh, so I’m the wanker, huh?” Sirius smirked and Remus was getting tired of having to deal with him. All he wanted was a day to catch up with his studies.

“I was trying to study, and you just had to distract me. So yes, I’m mad,” Remus huffed, but Sirius’ smirk did not disappear.

“So what are you going to do about it?”

“I- what?” This caught Remus off guard.

“I said,” Sirius took a step forward, Remus took one back. “What,” another step forward, “Are you,” another step, “Going to,” another step, Remus’ back hit one of the posts of his bed, “Do about it?” Sirius cocked his head to the side, egging him on.

Remus’ eyes darted from Sirius’ to his lips. He watched as Sirius slowly ran his tongue over his bottom lip. Fuck it.

Remus reached out and grabbed Sirius’ face and quickly brought their lips together. The kiss quickly picked up from where it left off in the Library. Sirius’ lips were incredibly soft but Remus was still heated about being thrown off his study schedule. The kiss was sloppy and full of tongue and Remus was loving it. He let his hands leave Sirius’ face and trail down his chest to grip his hips. Remus bit down on Sirius’ bottom lip, desperate to hear that sinful noise again. Sirius did not disappoint.

Desperate to be closer, Remus pulled Sirius’ hips against his and was happily met with another moan. Sirius was hard. He was really hard. Motivated by this, Remus quickly changed their positions so it was Sirius pressed against the bedpost and frantically started untucking Sirius’ shirt. He broke the kiss to start unbuttoning it and at the same time Sirius loosed his tie and pulled it over his head. Once unbuttoned Remus attached his mouth to Sirius’ neck. “Fuuuuck, Moons, pinch me, I need to make sure I’m not dreaming,” Remus chuckled and bit down on Sirius’ neck. With a sharp intake of breath followed by a moan Sirius smiled. “That works too.”

Remus kept moving lower, leaving a trail of kisses as he went. He reached his hands to Sirius’ shoulders and started urging him out of his shirt. Sirius quickly got the message and it soon joined the tie on the floor. Continuing his descent, Remus flicked his tongue over Sirius’ nipple. This elicited a very pleasant reaction from Sirius and Remus filed that information away for future use. Soon, Remus was at Sirius’ navel, knees on the ground. He paused when he reached the top of Sirius’ trousers and looked up. “This ok?” He asked.

“Merlin’s beard, yes, don’t stop now I think I’ll die,” Remus had never seen Sirius so flustered.

“Just checking,” Remus said, undoing Sirius’ belt and trousers. He undid the zipper and slowly pulled them down so they pooled at his ankles. Remus brought his attention back to the task at hand started mouthing at Sirius’ clothed dick.

“Mmm, Moony, please,” Sirius moaned and Remus hooked his fingers under the waistband of Sirius’ underwear and slowly pulled them down.

“Only because you asked so nicely,” He teased, but this only resulted in another moan.

Sirius’ dick sprung free and Remus licked his lips. He figured Sirius was big, and he was not mistaken. Remus watched as a bead of precum slowly dripped down, and couldn’t hold back his own moan. “Fuck, Pads.”

Slowly, Remus licked a stripe up the underside of Sirius’ dick. Hands quickly made their way into Remus’ hair and gripped tightly. Remus stole a glance up at Sirius. His eyes were squeezed shut, his bottom lip caught between teeth. It was quite the sight. Thankful for the summer fling he had after fifth year, Remus was eager to put the tricks he had learned to good use.

Remus continued to mouth at Sirius’ dick, revelling in the sounds it elicited from Sirius. He slowly put the tip in his mouth, tasting the salty precum. “Hnnnggg,” Sirius made a sort of strangled sound and his grip on Remus’ hair tightened. Remus moaned in approval and lowered his mouth around more of Sirius. It had been a while since Remus had done this, and even then Sirius was substantially bigger than his first (and only other) partner. Remus kept going until he felt Sirius’ tip hit the back of his throat, triggering his gag reflex a little. Sirius pulled on Remus’ hair at the sound. Feeling encouraged, Remus keeps going. “F-fuck Moony,” Sirius moaned. Remus looks up through his eyelashes to see Sirius tilt his head back and hit the bedpost he was leaning against.

Remus continued to bob his head, wrapping his hand around what he couldn’t fit. The taste of Sirius’ precum mixed with the fact that this was something he was actually doing, not just imagining, was making Remus’ head spin. “M-Moony, I’m close-” Remus released Sirius from his mouth with a pop, slick with spit and precum.

“Can’t have that, now can we?” Remus smirked, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. Sirius let out another pained sound and released his grip on Remus’ hair. Remus returned to his feet and was taken by surprise when Sirius grabbed him by the waist and smashed their lips together.

“You are wearing far too many clothes,” Sirius said, breaking away and starting to work at Remus’ trousers, his belt still undone from earlier. Remus’ dick twitched at the thought of finally being touched by Sirius. Sirius quickly dropped to his knees, pulling Remus’ dick out of its confines much faster than Remus had with him.

“Excited, are we?” Remus teased, trying to hide that it was in fact he who was excited, that he had been dreaming about having Sirius’ mouth around him for years.

“You could say that,” Sirius replied, wrapping a hand around Remus. Remus inhaled sharply and forced himself to look down at Sirius. He knew right away that this was a mistake. Sirius, completely naked, hard as a rock and leaking. Sirius, pupils blown, cock in hand, licking his lips. Sirius began teasing Remus, trailing his tongue around the base of his cock, never once touching where Remus needed him to. His hand was unmoving, simply keeping it out of the way. Remus groaned.

“If you don’t quit teasing I might just have to punish you, Black,” Remus was half joking. Half, until of course -

“Maybe that’s the point.”

Remus made an obscene sound that he didn’t even know he was capable of and reached for a fistful of Sirius’ hair. At the same time, Sirius let his tongue dance over Remus’ dick and finally, finally swirl around the tip. Remus’ grip on Sirius’ hair tightened. Sirius’ tongue froze and he let out a groan. Remus smirked. “Hair pulling, really Pads?”

“Shut up or I won’t-” Remus gave Sirius’ hair a fast, hard tug.

“You were saying?” Remus smirked. Sirius looked up at him as if to fight it. Remus raised his eyebrows in a silent way of telling him to continue. When he didn’t, Remus gave his hair another pull and guided him towards his dick. Sirius obediently opened his mouth and Remus could have cum on the spot at the realization that Sirius wanted Remus to guide him. Sirius looked up with expectant eyes and Remus used his grip on Sirius’ hair to bring him to the tip of his dick. Sirius opened his mouth wider and Remus wasted no time in slowly pushing into his mouth. He swore under his breath and continued to press into Sirius’ mouth. Hesitantly, he kept going, not wanting to hurt Sirius. But, when Remus was fully inside Sirius’ mouth, unlike Remus’ previous encounter, it didn’t result in a gag. “Fuck, Sirius. Your mouth was made for this, wasn’t it?” Sirius moaned in response, sending vibrations through Remus’ cock. His previous partner wasn’t much for dirty talk, but something about Sirius told Remus that he lived for it. And he was not about to complain.

Remus kept fucking Sirius’ mouth, holding him in place by the hair. Spit was dripping out of Sirius’ mouth, his cheeks were flushed, his eyes glowing with desire. “Fuck, you’re so good Pads,” Remus moaned. Sirius’s eyes snapped shut and he let out a sound that made Remus’ brain short circuit. Finally putting everything together, Remus swore again. “You love that, don’t you? Hearing how perfect you are at sucking cock?” Sirius moaned in response and Remus bucked his hips. “Good boy.”

Sirius was a moaning mess and frantically started tapping Remus on the thigh. Remus let go of Sirius’ hair immediately and pulled out of his mouth. “Fuck, sorry was that -”

Sirius stood up and interrupted Remus with his lips. He pulled away, red in the face. “I was about to cum,” He explained. Remus’ eyes widened. That was new. He reached his hand out and wrapped it around Sirius’ cock. Sirius squeezed his eyes shut.

“Just from having your lips around my cock?” Remus asked, running his finger over Sirius’ tip, gathering precum to use as lube. “Or, was it something I said?” Remus raised an eyebrow and Sirius’ jaw went slack, but nothing came out. “Come on, use your words like a good boy.”

“Remus,” Sirius moaned. Something about hearing his name instead of “Moony” added a level of intimacy that Remus loved.

“Yes, sweetheart?” Remus was getting confident. He slowly started stroking up and down Sirius’ cock.

“I need you.”

That was all Remus needed to hear before gripping Sirius’ waist, turning him around and bending him over the bed. Sirius kicked his trousers off from around his ankles, and Remus did the same. He took off his tie, fumbled with the buttons on his shirt. As soon as all his articles of clothing were gone, Remus reached over to his bedside table and pulled out the bottle of lube he kept there. He popped the lid and heard a muffled moan from Sirius. “Impatient, are we?” He teased. Sirius responded by sticking his ass up in the air a little more.

Remus coated a few of his fingers before slowly rubbing them over Sirius’ hole. Suddenly, Remus was hit with a wave of nerves. He had never gone this far before, and he didn’t know if Sirius had either. He paused his movements. “Sirius, have you ever, uh …” He trailed off, the confidence from before slowly disappearing.

Sirius raised his head off the bed and looked over his shoulder, not making eye contact with Remus. “Not with anyone else, but, uh …” This helped Remus regain composure, his dominant side coming back.

“But you’ve fingered yourself before?” He asked, pressing his middle finger against Sirius’s hole.

Sirius bit his lip, holding back a moan. “Yeah,” he breathed, turning back to face the bed, pressing the side of his face into the mattress.

“Naughty, naughty,” Remus tutted, fulling pressing his finger in now, past the tight ring of muscles. Sirius moaned. “Here I was thinking that you were a good boy, Pads,” Remus pressed his finger in further, all the way to the knuckle.

“I am, I am, I promise,” Sirius whined. Remus’ dick twitched. He started pumping his finger in and out of Sirius, resulting in more sounds from him. Slowly, Remus slipped in a second finger. He kept fingering Sirius’ hole, scissoring his fingers.

“That’s it, that’s a good boy,” Remus sped up his finger, and reached around Sirius with this other hand. He took Sirius’ dick in his hand and started stroking in time with his fingers.

“Merlin, fuck Moony,” Sirius moaned. Remus added a third finger and sped up his other hand. “Shit, shit, shit, I’m gonna-” Remus released Sirius and pulled his fingers out.

“Not yet, you don’t,” He said, reaching for the lube again. Sirius groaned at the lack of contact. Remus began slicking up his cock. Not remembering the last time he was ever this hard, he slowly pressed against Sirius’ now stretched hole.

“Please, Moony, please,” Sirius wined, pressing his ass into Remus. Slowly, Remus pushed in. The two boys moaned, Sirius reached behind him and dug his nails into Remus’ thighs.

Remus paused, “Do you want me to stop?” He asked, panting slightly. Sirius was delightfully tight.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” Sirius responded, and that was all Remus needed. He pushed in further, and when he bottomed out Sirius swore. When his grip on Remus’ thighs loosened, Remus gathered that he had adjusted and started to move. He pulled out slightly and slid back in.

“Fuck, you’re so tight,” He hissed. Sirius groaned. “So good,” He added, picking up the pace. “Your ass was made for me, wasn’t it?” Sirius’ moans were quickly becoming much louder than when they started. The sound of skin hitting skin was filling the dorm, Remus fucking into Sirius at a much faster, harder pace. Motivated by the sounds Sirius was making, Remus reached to grab at Sirius’ hair pulling hard, lifting his head off the bed.

“Oh, fuck!” Sirius moaned and Remus gave his hair a harder tug.

“You better be quiet. Unless you want all of Gryffindor Tower to hear you?” Remus emphasized his point with a particularly hard thrust, and Sirius’ body lurched. Sirius clamped a hand to his mouth, struggling to keep his moans at a reasonable volume. Remus kept going, searching for the angle that made Sirius react that way.

“Remus, ah, fuck, p-please, silencing spell,” Sirius requested, between moans.

Remus quickly scanned their surroundings and found his wand. He muttered a quick muffliato and tossed the wand on the pile of their clothes. “Happy now? You can make all the sounds you want,” he said, snapping his hips against Sirius for good measure. Sirius let out the filthiest sound Remus had ever heard, making him wish that he had thought of the spell sooner.

With his free hand, Remus reached for Sirius’ cock, moaning when he felt the dribble of more precum. Remus began to pump Sirius’ cock in time with his thrusts. “So good for me, such a good boy.”

“Fuck, Remus,” Sirius dragged out the name and started moving his hips to meet Remus’ thrusts. Remus sped up and repositioned himself. He pulled out further than usual and then all the way back in. “Oh FUCK!” Remus grinned to himself, found it. He kept going, determined to hit that spot every time. “Fuck, fuck, yes yes yes yes, right there, don’t stop,” Sirius started babbling and Remus could feel himself getting close. “I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna cum,” Sirius was getting frantic. Remus didn’t slow his movements or his hand.

“Not yet, not until I say so,” Remus growled. Sirius let out a strangled sound and Remus yanked on Sirius’ hair, causing him to arch his back even more.

“Please, please, please, I need to cum,” Sirius’ hips started moving sporadically, no longer in time with Remus. Remus tightened his hand around Sirius.

“I don’t know, have you been a good boy?” He asked, slowing his movements. Sirius cried out at the loss of stimulation.

“Yes, yes, I’ve been good, I’ve been so good,” Sirius started moving faster, fucking himself on Remus’ cock.

“Yeah? You think you deserve to cum?” Remus started to pick up speed again, his hand around Sirius dripping.

“Yes, yes, please let me cum, please let me cum,” Remus was also getting closer. He sped up his movements, groaning when he found the perfect angle again and Sirius moaned out in pleasure. He kept hitting that spot. “I can’t, Remus I-”

“Cum for me,” Remus felt Sirius tighten around him. Sirius screamed out in pleasure and Remus did not stop his movements. Sirius kept moaning, squeezing around him. He shuddered, his body vibrating in pleasure and Remus felt Sirius’ hot cum drip over his hand. Sirius continued to moan Remus’ name and with a final thrust, Remus came, filling Sirius.

Soon, the only sound in the dorm was both of their heavy breathing. Remus let go of his grip on Sirius’ dick and his hair. Sirius’ head flopped onto the bed, limp. Remus slowly pulled out of Sirius. He reached for his wand, cleaning them both up with a quick scourgify and threw himself on the bed beside Sirius. Sirius turned his head, not having the energy for the rest of his body to go with him. “That was, probably the best sex I’ve ever had,”

Remus laughed. “I think that was the only sex you’ve ever had.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Doesn’t mean it wasn’t the best.”

Remus pushed him lightly on the shoulder, he was also was pretty exhausted. “I mean, if you’re up for a challenge we could always try again,” Sirius wiggled his eyebrows.

Remus feigned surprise. “Already? Padfoot, you’re insatiable!”

Sirius laughed. “Only for you, Moons.”

“Good boy,” Remus smirked. Sirius buried his face in the mattress and groaned. Remus laughed to himself and closed his eyes, studying long forgotten.

#harry potter #the marauders #james potter #remus lupin #peter pettigrew #remus x sirius #marauders era #sirius black #marauders #wolfstar #wolfstar fanfiction #wolfstar fic #wolfstar smut

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part-time-zombie · 1 year

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So after obsessing over that last episode nonstop, I believe I have been able to identify some of the sides love languages! (not all mind you, but enough, even though they're all my headcanons mostly). buckle up, this is a long one (don't say I didn't warn you)

Logan appears to be quality time. He clearly enjoyed and appreciated the various activities patton had planned for him, but he was only upset when he had less time to do it. In fact, most of when he's more sad/angry is when he is blown off, as if his time with them isn't valued. When thomas brushed off the chores to go out with nico in wtit, logan was upset and probably less about neglecting his chores (although that did play a part) but more about how thomas promised to spend the day working with him, and then ignored him again. He even asked roman "how is treating their (the viewers) time as valuable belittling them?" in another episode, though I forgot which one I'm sorry. He was clearly miffed that he was blown off in svs, not only because he knew his input was useful but also because he wanted to spend time with them and be involved: "There's always room for me". It seems pretty clear to me that logan is most happy when he gets to spend time doing what he loves (or with people he loves, wink wink).

Patton is probably gift giving, from what I've seen. He saw logans perfect day as a gift, and as such he was too excited to slow down about it because he wanted to keep giving him the gifts (activities). When virgil was fully accepted and revealed his name in aa, patton gave him the card as his own way of saying "you're family, you're loved". The pasta he gave roman had the secret ingredient of love in it too, and he seemed to really appreciate the card virgil gave him, as he hung it up on his bedroom wall. We could even go further and say that since he eats cookies when he's feeling down, that's because he sees the cookies as a "gift" to himself, like his own form of self love maybe.

Roman is maybe words of affirmation, though I admit this one was tough at first. It may not make sense when you look back on all the "jokes" he made about the Sides, but rewatching athd clears it up a bit. After logan questions his repeated mockery of frozen, he replies "look, this is how I show my love", so if he frequently makes similar banter with the others, it could be seen as his form of loving them. He is so easily charmed by janus (at first) because he is given constant compliments from him, and he is too flattered to realize that these compliments could have an ulterior motive. In fact, after he realized that janus may not have meant all of the nice things he said to him, he is outright hateful towards him, because he feels betrayed by someone who weaponized his love language against him. In this most recent episode, he seems less enthusiastic about how virgil gives him a good day, but mostly holds his tongue until the fairy tale virgil reads can be mistaken as prince slander, at which point he defends the prince in the story as much as himself. He only calms down and falls asleep after virgil reframes and adjusts the ending into a more optimistic and loving story about the prince saving the mermaid. He even compliments himself before going to bed, his own self love.

Idk I'm rambling but this has not left my head. If I can figure out the dark sides I'll make another post

#sanders sides #logan sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #love langauges

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sapphire-weapon · 1 year

Note

Sorry to bring more discourse to your blog, but it's about the whole "problematic" shipling thing, because it's a part of older RE plot, that absolutely does my head in. It doesn't fucking make sense. We can talk ALL day about how Leon is canonically responsible for genocides. It's canon that these things have happened because he never has the backbone to finish the job or manage his feelings like a grown adult. It's an interesting talk, but it's NEVER (or very barely) addressed that way in the actual material. His whole "turn the other cheek, because he needs a vague romance" trope is really just one massive fucking plot hole and I don't know why people aren't completely pissed about it. His messy narrative is one of my least favourite things in the series. It almost turns me off of his games and movies entirely. I enjoyed REmake, 7 and 8 the most because at least the characters add up. Their motivations are clear. It's a fully formed story and we know who does what and why. They just haven't fucking done that with Leon. They can't decide on whether to flesh him out properly or to keep throwing him early naughts b-movie tropes that arguably, just make him less likeable (to me).

Sorry for the rant. But holy shit. Anything about his character outside of "I'm angry, let's shoot" has been fucking terrible, in my eyes. They have no idea what to do with him. His choices constantly fucking contradict themselves. He's like a nonstop, unstable "what to doooo?" asshole and I DON'T KNOW WHY ANYONE ELSE ISN'T MAD ABOUT THE CONSTANT PLOT HOLES AND SENSELESS BULLSHIT THIS CHARACTER DOES I HONESTLY DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW HE BECAME MORE POPULAR THAN CHRIS, CLAIRE, WESKER, HUNNIGAN, ETHAN AND JILL OTHER THAN "HE HAS COOL BANGS AND TELLS JOKES SOMETIMES" LIKE WHAT?

I know I'll get roasted and shredded for saying it, but jesus christ man, it's such an enormous pet peeve of mine. I just want the remakes to finish their job of understanding that Leon hasn't been written well and he's gotta be fixed. That Ashley actually has a whole load of potential and Ada has only ever been an empty, racist and sexist stereotype that can't be fixed unless they bother to actually write any sort of story for her other than "sexy Asian is mean sometimes, but her terrorism is okay because the emo boy kissed her this one time and has known her for a combined 15 hours."

Phew. I am mad. I'm sorry for exposing you to this. I've only gotten into RE like less than a year ago and the stupidity and lack of literacy and analysis in this fucking fanbase is crazy to me. If I see one more "sibling coded toxic age gap, Leon is flawless omg ashley little girl so silly" post I'm going to shave my head. Even my phone is glitching because it can't keep up with my seemingly very unpopular rager.

homie i'mma need u to fuckin breathe and understand that this is the same series where the only reason that the main villain ever had to hate the main protagonist was the fact that the main protagonist laughed at his science project -- and then that detail was retconned out of the remake, and now there's no reason for wesker to hate chris at all, actually.

this is the same series that killed off its main villain way too prematurely, realized immediately that they fucked up by doing it, and, instead of just retconning it and bringing him back, they tried to "oops! all weskers!" it, then didn't know what to do with that, then just decided to write it so that he had a son, but then nobody liked him, either, and now they're just going FUCK IT LET'S JUST REMAKE THE WHOLE THING.

this is the same series that is so unabashedly and unrepentantly racist that it sends its white american protagonist into the heart of africa, whereabouts he encounters a village with actual mud huts in it, where the townspeople are dressed in actual tribal clothing, and they chuck actual literal spears at him.

this is the same series where the creators openly admitted to not allowing their main female protagonist to visibly age because they thought it'd hurt their bottom line.

this is the same series where the objectively best title in it has a story that's so fucking bad that the dude who wrote and directed it said that he'd only support a remake of it if the remake fixed his shitty fucking story and actually told a good one.

this is the same series where rachel fucking foley exists and is meant to be taken seriously.

this is the same series where a dude fucking a spider is, questionably and arguably, canon.

leon is not remotely the worst part of resident evil's storytelling, nor is ada the most offensively racist part of it. THE ENTIRE NARRATIVE OF RESIDENT EVIL IS NONSENSE DOG GARBAGE. leon and ada are just par for the course.

if you are not a raccoon and/or opossum who enjoys gorging yourself on garbage, perhaps resident evil is not the series for you.

that's why they called it raccoon city in the first place.

because the playerbase must inevitably be filled with raccoons, because only raccoons would enjoy the sheer amount of garbage that the story throws at them.

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sugalaritae · 2 years

Text

starstruck pt 8

Summary: Love is uncertain.

pairing: Kim Taehyung x plus-sized f. reader, Min Yoongi x plus-sized f. reader

genre(s): angst and getting shit together

au: non!idol, university!au, f2l, strangers to lovers

rating: 18+

word count: 7.2k

warnings: anxiety, yoongi goes to therapy (finally), unrequited love, fear of love, insecurities, kissing, almost sex (sorry), POV switches, everyone is starting to be a little more honest with themselves and each other.

author's notes: OMG it has been so long!! I am so sorry that it took me so long to write this. I'm so happy it's been finished though and that means that we only have one more chapter to go. I am also tossing around the idea of an epilogue, so maybe two chapters. I can't really believe that it's been over a year since I got this idea and decided to post it, the first time posting any BTS fanfic and now look at where we are! Thank you to every person who has stuck around. You mean a lot to me! Anyway, I hope you're all doing well and that this winter is being kind to you. I hope you enjoy this!! Thank you to @augustbutwinter for being an incredible beta!!

tag list: @miscelunaaa @herecomesjoon @minyoongiboongi @minttangerines

YOONGI

“How long has it been?”

He thinks for a moment as if he doesn’t know the exact date or how easy it would be to calculate it down to the hours or maybe even minutes since he last saw or heard from you.

“Three months,” he answers and watches as his therapist, an older woman with graying hair framing her face, nods.

“Do you think you want to reach out to her?” she asks.

This makes him actually think. This he doesn’t have memorized because he isn’t sure. He’s been thinking about whether or not he should message you because, while it has been months since he spoke to you, he isn’t sure you want to see or hear from him.

The last time he saw you was in the campus bookstore but you didn’t notice him. It had sent a surge of pain through his chest as he remembered every time you used to turn his direction even when you didn’t know that he was anywhere near you. He could remember the bright smile that would slip over your beautiful face or how sometimes you would wrinkle your nose and joke that you could smell him. The perpetually sad part of his brain that overthinks and questions every little thing, whether it’s in his life or in others, wonders if you could sense that he was near and chose not to turn to look at him. The slightly less sad part doesn’t want to know at all.

He shrugs and looks at his hands as his thumb rubs at a spot on the side of his index finger. A habit he picked up a long time ago. One that his mother used to get after him about. He thinks it might have started out of his OCD, a way of comforting him and putting him back in his body when he felt so out of control and his brain was firing nonstop.

“I don’t know if she’ll want to hear from me,” he says softly and shrugs again. “I think I’ve placed the ball on her side of the court and I’m just waiting to see if she does anything with it,” he explains as he looks up.

“Do you think she might be waiting to hear from you?”

This was what he liked about his therapist. From the first meeting, it seemed to him that she might be inside his head. Or maybe it was that his problems, his thoughts weren’t that unique and she had seen them over and over again in her twenty-five years of being a therapist. Another thing he liked about her–she’s got plenty of experience of talking to sad people under her belt. It feels very much like talking to an older family member, except one that doesn’t have biases. She’s neutral and asks the important questions, both ones that he’s been asking himself already and ones that his brain couldn’t even imagine asking.

“I sometimes wonder that,” he begins, rubbing his neck. “Then the little voice tells me that she’s probably realized that she’s better off without me. That she has someone now that takes care of her and —”

“You’re projecting. You don’t know what —” she looks down at her notes, “Taehyung is like when he’s with her.”

He smiles at this and shakes his head. “I think he’s good for her. I’ve seen them on campus. He waits for her outside of class with coffee.”

“And that means that he’s better than you?”

He pauses, then slowly shakes his head.

“You don’t know what’s going on in her head. You’ve stated before that she’s capable of putting on a strong exterior and that it was only in private that she let people see what was really going on.”

He nods.

“So why do you think that she’s changed that much in the last three months? Allowing people to see who you are, to let the public see that kind of vulnerability is a skill that no one in this world has. Except maybe the Dalai Lama but I think even he hides a lot.”

Another thing he likes about her, she doesn’t like bullshit. From anyone.

“By saying you think she has someone who takes care of her now erases all the ways that you took care of her before and all the ways that she took care of you. By saying that you’re beating yourself up over something that is untrue.”

She is looking straight at him and he feels like his chest is about to burst open. There is a tightness in his throat and he feels the familiar sting of tears build.

“She relaxed when she was around you. That means that she felt comfortable enough with you to allow herself to let those walls down. That means you took care of her and by the sounds of it, when she let her walls down you did too.”

He shakes his head. “I don’t think that’s true. I think she was right, I had walls up around her and that’s why I always drank. Especially when I was with her.”

He watches as the older woman smiles.

“Do you think that maybe the part of you that thinks this new man is taking better care of her could have been scared by the way you were vulnerable around her? That you felt so uncomfortable you wanted to drink, so you could pretend like you weren’t being vulnerable and it was the alcohol allowing you to be that comfortable with another human being?”

He swallows past the lump, slowly. His throat has gotten tighter. He doesn’t know why that is where all his tension resides. He’s a poet. He reads his vulnerability in words and it never gets like this when he’s up on stage.

There is a part of him that wants to scream and run, but that part has gotten quieter in the last few months and the part that was always there craving the closeness of others is louder. This is the part that lets him know it’s okay to cry and he closes his eyes, wiping at the tears that fall down his face. He bows his head to try and hide the tears even though she’s seen him cry so many times before.

“Be kinder to yourself, Yoongi. You are worthy of someone having their walls down around you. You’re worth letting your own walls down and letting people in. And your emotions are wonderful, they deserve to be heard. If you’re comfortable with it, I think maybe now might be the time to contact her and see if she’s willing to talk.”

He wipes at his cheeks, a little rougher this time, and nods.

“Remember the exercise I gave you last time? Have you started it?”

He looks up and smiles through the tears that are slowly starting to fade. The image of the small, washed out, old glass jar sitting on his bedside table with the notepad and pen right beside it.

“I’ve failed a few days but there were a few times when I rushed to the notepad and wrote something down as soon as it happened, like I needed to capture it on paper and save it for another time.”

She nods, a pleased smile slowly spreads across her face and Yoongi feels a small rush of pride through his chest. He’s done well. Last session she told him to start writing down the things that make him feel happy, proud, or content. He’s not always great at writing them down but he does look forward to rereading them in a year’s time. He had originally started with full explanations of events but they’ve slowly started to become one single line.

Cooked Jin dinner.

Didn’t leave the house when I wanted a drink.

Witnessed a person’s face light up with happiness when they saw their child. Wouldn’t have noticed that if I was still drinking.

“You’re doing a good job. I know that it might not feel like it some days, but you are,” she says softly as she closes her notebook. “Think about contacting her. It might be what you both need.”

He steps out into the cool breeze. He prefers being the last client of the day. So he can go out and be in the quiet of the night. He doesn’t know why he likes it but he does. Perhaps it reminds him a bit of his breakdown, the way that the city felt like a welcoming stranger. Unknown and lit up with emotions. He thinks maybe he’s searching for that feeling again, that he wants that feeling of alertness that he had. The way the world seemed to shine in a new way while also feeling like it was the darkest place he had ever been. An intense and beautiful combination of the light of the world and the darkness of his mind.

He hasn’t experienced that yet though. He has yet to experience that feeling again and he supposes that it’s a good thing. Maybe it’s not a good idea to go and look for that. He doesn’t want the low that came with it. He just wants the feeling of being alive again because he had never experienced that before.

Tonight he feels the burn in his pocket. The phone is right there and he could send a text. Just a quick hello to tell you that he’s thinking of you. That he misses you. Because that is the thing that he is missing the most: you. You are everything to him and he wants you to know that even if you don’t feel the same way as he does. Then he will bury all his feelings, he will be okay; he just needs you in his life.

TAEHYUNG

He can tell something is wrong.

There’s been something on your mind for the last few weeks and he knows it’s got to do with Yoongi. It can’t be easy not talking to your best friend. The person that you relied on so heavily. He couldn’t imagine not talking to Jungkook. He talks to him every single day, and he knows, eventually, when they stop living together that won’t change. He’s very much Taehyung’s person.

Except love complicates everything. In all the world’s uncertainty, this is the thing that he is the most certain of.

A year into his friendship with Jungkook, he had woken up one day to the realization that he was in love with his best friend. A sickening kind of love that lasted for two miserable, and yet, blissful months.

He doesn’t like to think about it often, has never admitted it out loud to anyone. It’s such a cliche–the queer friend falling in love with his straight best friend. He’s embarrassed to admit it, even though he sometimes thinks back on those months with fondness. That feeling of joy every time he saw Jungkook. Except that here was nothing to say. Nothing could come out of it. Jungkook wouldn’t reciprocate the feelings. He didn’t want to be let down verbally, so he kept it all in and eventually those romantic feelings switched back to platonic. The line was so easy to cross.

Which is why your relationship with Yoongi scares him so much.

He tries not to think of what you miss about Yoongi. Whether you miss him platonically or romantically. Doesn’t want to think about the possibility of unresolved feelings being there, hiding under your surface waiting for an opportunity to reveal themselves and crush his heart while making yours lighter.

There is a pang in his chest at that thought. That you might love someone that isn’t him.

He still hasn’t told you that he loves you. Even though it’s been several months. He, again, doesn’t want that disappointment. That embarrassment. Though he has seen moments where he thinks perhaps you feel the same way about him. The way that you look at him when he’s made a joke. You look at him like he’s the most stupid and most funny person alive. It makes his heart soar and he wants nothing more than to hear the words from you so he can finally release his own.

He just knows that there might be something missing there that is stopping you. Because you can’t really love someone back when there is something going on with your own heart; and there is obviously something going on with your heart. You’re battling something. Whether it’s figuring out what your feelings are toward Yoongi or just missing him, he just wants you to be okay and to figure it out. He’d love to help but he knows that you also need to do that on your own. So, he leaves it.

He’s thought about it a lot too. How if you told him that you loved Yoongi that he would be okay. He thinks he would be okay. Because he’s okay with being another person you love, if it means that you love him too.

“You think that you’d be able to be okay with her loving someone else at the same time as you?” Jungkook asks as Taehyung takes a sip of the water bottle he’s just opened.

“I think so, yeah.”

“Even if that person is someone who humiliated you?”

He thinks about this for a moment but he already knows the answer, it sits at the back of his brain and has been for a while now. He trusts that you know him. There is a part of him that thinks perhaps this is a mistake on his part, that Yoongi could just be a total asshole and you are blind to it.

He shrugs, because it’s all moot until you actually tell him. Until he confronts you about it because the thought you would choose someone over him has been driving the anxiety car in his brain. He’s starting to feel like the residual smoke is slipping down his spine and perforating his lungs, making him feel like he’s choking from the inside out.

“Doesn’t matter right now,” he says with another shrug. “I’m thinking too far into the future again. She might not love him at all.”

He doesn’t want to look at Jungkook who is probably giving him a look that says if you say so but he does anyway and for a moment he thinks his best friend is going to say those words that are floating around his head out loud, but instead Jungkook nods.

“It’s going to be okay, hyung,” he says instead and Tae nods because no matter what happens he has Jungkook and that matters more than any relationship.

He wants to believe that.

YOU

It’s starting to become a burden.

Yoongi’s name is still etched onto the list of message conversations. You’ve hidden his photos like they’re some kind of secret. You don’t want that. You want him. You’re not sure in what way just yet, but your heart aches every morning when you realize that the day has slipped into the afternoon and time has ticked by without a good morning text from him which was your custom.

Sometimes you used to text him first and he would complain that you had beat him to it; but not anymore.

The heartache used to be constant, from the moment you woke up and you remembered that you don’t talk to him; but your brain and your body have gotten used to it.

Now the heartache surprises you at random times.

It’s not just the texts, it’s seeing things that remind you of him or things that you know he would enjoy. You had made it to the counter at the university bookstore to buy him a book that you thought he might enjoy when you realized that you don’t know how you would get it to him. You bought it anyway, not wanting to leave the queue; but now the book just sits on your coffee table like a reminder of what you need to do and are putting off.

Just like how you’re putting off talking to Taehyung about it.

You know that he’s curious even though he won’t ask. He’s giving you room to do whatever it is that you need to do and you’re not sure what that is.

That’s the frustrating part.

So the days slip by. You ignoring the book that still sits on your coffee table. You rest cups on it, keys, plates, and then your shirt followed quickly by your bra. You ignore the awful nagging bubbling feeling you get when there is a quiet moment between you and Taehyung and you remember there is an entire conversation that you could start that would fill the silence.

Days slip by into evenings. Some nights you stay at Taehyung’s house and wake up to watch him and Jungkook joke while they cook breakfast. Some nights he takes you home and you fuck until every muscle in your body is weak and tired.

Tonight is one of those nights.

Taehyung kisses your neck and you moan out with pleasure because he has started to memorize the places on your body that he knows you like to be kissed. His hands are slipping down your sides, a thumb brushing against your nipple as he does so. He likes these little passing touches and so do you.

He leads you, backward, onto your bed, undressing you as you go. You open your eyes just in time to watch first, your bra and then shirt slip off the book and onto the floor. It catches you by surprise how quickly you fall back into your head like standing at the pool’s edge and being pushed backward into it. Memories of Yoongi splash around you, and you suddenly remember laying on your floor because you’ve both had too much to drink and you can’t make it to your bed. The way his laughter used to fill this small apartment. You close your eyes to try and get the memory out but all you can see is his smile, that wide one he gets when he’s absolutely and purely happy, the one that makes his eyes shine bright with stars.

“Hey,” Taehyung’s voice whispered and you open your eyes to find him no longer buried in your neck but looking right at you, his hands on either side of your shoulders.

“Where did you go?” he asks.

You don’t know why but you suddenly want to cry. He’s so caring. Worry paints his brow where sweat would have gathered if only you hadn’t fallen into your mind.

You could lie to him and tell him that you’re still here but you can’t. You’ve had enough of not talking about this and you separate yourself from him and sit up on the bed, grabbing your night shirt that is still laying on top of the duvet where you left it that morning.

“Did I do something wrong?” he asks as he leans back against his heels, and watches you slip the thin shirt over your head.

“No!” you say a little too loudly, a little too abruptly because it catches you off guard and you reach out to him and take his hand in yours and pull him down beside you.

You stare at the duvet and he stares at you for a moment until he pulls his gaze away and lets it fall to the wooden board that you are concentrating on.

There is an unbearable silence between the two of you as you try to quell the feeling of tears. You don’t want to cry and make this whole thing worse.

“If you don’t want to continue this, that’s okay. I’d like to be your friend though, after I get over you that is,” he says softly with a little sad laugh and a smile that doesn’t meet his eyes, two things that break your heart.

“What?” you ask, the sudden fear of losing him surging through your body. “No.”

You stare at him and he gives you the softest smile that somehow pushes the tears closer to the edge.

“I understand if you’re not ready to be in a relationship. Everything that’s been going on with Yoongi, if there are feelings there, and you need to figure that out then I’ll take a step back. I know what it’s like to be in love with a friend and not know what to do with them, it takes time but it will be okay.”

Your gaze slips to his hands. He’s picking at his left thumb nail and you are reminded of Yoongi and his tick. The way that he slips the pad of his thumb tenderly over his index finger. Always the same spot. This tick of Taehyung’s is different though. It’s a little more nervous, like a distraction to take him out of his body instead of into it.

It makes you so angry how kind he is. You’re not used to this kindness and part of you thinks that you’re undeserving of it. It took you so long to trust the kindness that Yoongi gave you. He had helped break down that wall. Chipped away at the brick until there was a window where he could slip his hand through and hold yours. Like a little glory hole for love you can hear him say in your head. He had chipped away at it so masterfully and patiently that you had allowed kindness from Jimin. Only for him to ruin everything and tear it all out from under you.

He had stepped through with a drink in his hand and begged you for something that you’re not sure he was ready for.. It had been Taehyung’s kindness that had shone a light on the whole situation and made you realize the red flag that Yoongi kept in his back pocket.

“I don’t know what I want with Yoongi,” you find yourself saying and then you move closer to Taehyung and rest your head on his shoulder. “But I know that I don’t want you to leave,” you say and you can feel him relax at the weight of your head on him or maybe it’s the weight of the whole situation that has suddenly lifted from his shoulders just a little.

“What does that mean for us?” he asks and you don’t fault him for this question. You are sure that you would be asking the same question if the roles were reversed.

“I think I need to be honest with you about the whole situation,” you answer and he nods. “I can make us some tea,” you say and leave his shoulder to look at him.

He nods. “That would be good actually because I need a moment to bring myself down,” he says as he looks down at the slight bulge in his joggers, a bulge that has already gone down since you felt it against your palm in the hallway on your way to your apartment.

The two of you share a little laugh and smile before you lean in and kiss him gently. He softens into the kiss and slips a hand onto your arm.

“This isn’t helping,” he mumbles against your lips as the two of you let it linger.

You bite your bottom lip and separate. “Sorry.”

He shakes his head and chuckles.

You push yourself up off the bed and begin to head to the kitchen, stopping on your way to pick up your shirt and bra. You toss both into the hamper near the wall and miss, but you don’t go and pick them up, that’s a job for tomorrow. Instead, you slip into the kitchen and fill the kettle before setting it on its dock and flicking the switch.

You lean against the counter in time to see Taehyung fall against your bed with his arms and hands above his head. You’re not sure what he’s thinking about but you hope that your words and the kiss have quieted the worries in his head. That they have cleared something up, even if it’s just a little something. You don’t want him to think that you’re making tea to sit down and have a conversation with him only to break up with him.

You fill the teapot with hot water and scoop out a small amount of tea leaves into the water, stirring it, and setting the lid carefully onto the ceramic pot. You carry everything carefully over to the coffee table and set them down, setting the pot down on the book.

You sit down on the small loveseat and lean down on your knees for a moment. Now that you’re close to him again the guilt of ruining a perfect moment slips into your system and starts to bite at you like a snake leaving bits of poison in your veins.

“Hey,” Taehyung whispers as he moves from the bed and slips next to you and leans into the corner of the loveseat and pulls you to him, letting your back rest against his chest.

You can feel the rise and fall of each of his breaths and you look down at yourself. You slip yourself onto the loveseat more and curl into him. His hand brushes against the back of your head until it’s fallen against your spine and he slips his fingers up and down your back in a pattern that should tickle, but you find comforting.

“He hurt me,” you say and he stills for a moment as if to give himself another moment to prepare for whatever truths you’re about to tell him.

“How?”

He had comforted you that night when Yoongi had confessed his love. He had given you his shoulder to cry on and he had kissed your forehead even though you barely knew each other. You hadn’t told him what had happened, just that you needed someone and he had let you in without any questions asked. There is a small little voice in the back of your head that says that this was a red flag, to let you in so easily, but you’re not sure if it’s red or just a little bit pink and the lighting is dark.

“He’s an alcoholic,” you say and it feels like you shouldn’t say that out loud. It’s not your secret to say.

“Did he hit you?”

You shake your head against his chest. “Oh no. No.”

Now it feels stupid to say the thing that you need to say but you do anyway.

“He told me he loves me,” you pause, the words feel heavy on your tongue but right and you’re not sure you like that feeling. “He’s in love with me.” You stare at your fingers and pick at the skin around your nail. “When you and I were texting about our date, I was with him, and he told me that he was jealous and then he kissed me that night but nothing else happened, he stopped it.”

You worry that you’re hurting Taehyung’s feelings but his hand hasn’t stopped moving against your back and so you continue.

“So when he told me that he loved me the night after I left your place, I realized that he was only ever vulnerable with me when he was stoned or drunk. That he couldn’t let me in without the help of a substance and I had just left you. You were kind to me and you had let me in after what I think was the perfect date. Your kindness made me realize that he wasn’t ready to give any of that that- kindness or love.”

You move your head to look at him and he’s staring at the furthest wall. His hand is still moving but he looks lost in thought.

TAEHYUNG

He wants to run away. He can’t stop the sinking feeling in his chest. He’s sure his heart is slipping deeper into his body because he feels out of place. He’s not sure what he’s supposed to do with everything that you’ve just told him. You still haven’t told him that you don’t love Yoongi. He feels grounded though, surprisingly, and he’s sure it’s because he hasn’t stopped touching you. He wonders if you’re aware of how you ground him. He knows that it’s two conflicting feelings–the sinking heart and groundedness– but nothing in this world, at this moment, makes sense, so he doesn’t think much of it.

"How is that supposed to make me feel?" he finds himself asking and immediately regrets it, though there is a small voice somewhere deep that tells him it's proud of him.

“What do you mean?” your voice slips into him and that isn’t the answer he wanted to hear but he supposes he probably would have asked something similar, if not that exact question.

“You realized that he wasn’t ready for you because of me?” he asks. He wants clarification or confirmation. No, he needs it.

He wants his heart to stop beating so wildly and for his head to stop screaming that you are in love with Yoongi. That you don’t have it in your already occupied heart to love him back.

He’s going to be heartbroken again, and he guesses he should be used to this by now. It’s what he’s best at–falling in love with people who are incapable of loving him back.

You shift in his lap and he lets out a groan as you push into his hip. For a moment he’s taken out of his head and put into the movement, the way his body is pushed as you move to look at him. He isn't sure he wants to look at you just yet. His heart hurts and he’s preparing for the worst because what else is there?

Jungkook was right, as usual. He’s not ready to hear that you’re in love with Yoongi. Even if you stay with him.

“Yeah,” you say and he looks down at your lips before he feels your hand against his cheek. Your thumb presses lightly against his chin in an effort to lift his gaze.

“No one had ever treated me like you did that night. I had never had a date like that where I didn’t want to leave and where I was respected,” you say and he can’t help how his heart reacts to that. You’re worth so much more than what he gave you on that date. You’re worth better food and better conversation.

He stays silent though because he doesn’t want to interrupt you. There’s a light somewhere deep in his chest that glows like some sort of mythical creature in a dark forest, guiding him out of it and toward the sun.

You are his sun.

“You treated me like I was worth something. Worth being paid attention to and like I was the most beautiful woman that you had ever seen.”

The part of him that wants to grip onto the thought of being unlovable hates how the corner of his mouth twitches upward at that. The way his eyes get just a little bit wider and how his heart beats wilder in his chest.

He hates Yoongi all over again. Hates him for being so stupid and not treating you the way that you should have been treated all those years when he had such a wonderful person as a friend. How he had just let that all go is beyond him and he thinks about how he wants to show you respect every single day for as long as you will let him.

A different part of him, the part that is filled with the boys laughter from school, chimes in and tells him he’s so fucking weak for being this much of a romantic.

He finally registers your face though, and the look on it ignites the fear all over again. You don’t have to say it for him to know. You do love Yoongi. You don’t need to say anything for Taehyung to know; but to his dismay you do.

“I wanted a love that was better than what he offered. I deserve a love that is better than all that.”

His heart breaks a little and he isn’t sure if it’s an empathetic break or his own. He kisses you though. Presses a kiss against the side of your mouth and lingers there just for a moment before he slips his hand against the back of your neck and pulls you into him gently. He releases you after a moment and nods. He looks at you, his gaze falling over your beautiful features. You are stunning.

He still can’t say it though.

The boy’s laughter builds again.

He’s a fucking coward for not being able to say it to you then and there. Because you have a love that is better than all that. He is in love with you so deeply that he thinks it hurts just a little.

“I’m sorry he hurt you,” he says softly as he realizes that he made your whole thing about him and he doesn’t want to do that. He’s trying to be better at that.

You curl into him and his heart beats so wildly in his chest that he thinks perhaps it will give everything away. The adrenaline spiking so fast through his veins makes him want to say it out loud. He doesn’t know how much longer he’ll be able to keep it in but he also knows that you’re not ready to hear him say it. You’re not ready for his love just yet, even though you say that you’re deserving of it, he doesn’t know if you’ll run after he tells you and he doesn’t want to experience that again. He can handle you loving someone else while he’s in love with you but he doesn’t want to watch you leave because he loves you.

He marvels, sometimes, at love a little when he’s alone in his room. How it makes him want to kiss you and keep this all to yourselves, and how it also makes him want to watch you be free and do whatever you want. The love he feels for you is unlike any previous love, because it mixes with the heartbreak and humiliation and tells him that he’ll be okay even if you leave him. Even if you leave him for Yoongi, he’ll be okay.

He doesn’t want to experience that though if he can help it.

“You deserve the best kind of love,” he whispers and slips his face into the crook of your neck as his fingers slip up your arm.

“I’d like a chance to fall in love with you,” you say and his heart leaps.

“What about Yoongi?”

There is a silence that feels like it draws a curtain over the whole apartment, locking the two of you into a prison, but he remains perfectly still until you answer.

YOU

You’re not sure how to say this without coming out as the villain. How do you tell someone you care so deeply about that you were once in love with Yoongi? That if you had a second chance that you would fall in love with him and you’re not sure how long it would last but that it might last forever.

“I think he’s in the past,” you say, instead because it’s the truth.

“You’ll let me know if that changes?”

You love him for that question and you nod.

Sometimes you think that Taehyung can read you in the same way that Yoongi was able to. He will do or say something that catches you so off guard but is exactly what you were thinking about and it makes you feel seen, as if you’re wearing a coat made out of the scariest vulnerability.

“What if we go away?”

You turn a little to face him.

“Where?”

He pushes himself up straighter and you watch as his gaze falls to your chest. The bra lays on the floor and you smile just a little as he shakes his head to try and get himself out of the trance of staring at your breasts through the thin cotton fabric.

“You mentioned your parents have a cabin, right? We could go there for a week or so. And you have that essay due. You could work on it up there. I’ll cook for you and we can just … take it easy,” he says softly as his fingers slip against your forearm and then his gaze falls to your hand as he slips his long fingers between yours. “Let it just be a week for us. We can talk about anything you want to talk about or we don’t have to talk at all. Just be together.”

You follow his gaze to your fingers and you watch as his fingers slip over yours. He has nicer hands than yours. You’ve always been a little self conscious about them, women who love women are supposed to have long fingers that will get the job done, but you have little fingers like your ex. Jimin had liked that you had short fingers like him but you like Taehyung’s fingers better. They are excellent and mesmerize you in so many ways.

“I would like that.”

YOONGI

He’s sitting on his sofa, the TV is on but he’s not really paying attention to it. Some cooking show is on. Or maybe it’s a travel show. A can of coke is in his hands and he stares at the TV but not at it. His mind is a million miles from where he is sitting.

It’s thinking about what he’s going to text you.

It’s been three days since he walked out of his therapist’s office and decided that maybe now is the time to text you and start up the conversation. He’s written several ways to start it in the notes app on his phone.

Hey, I miss you. Do you miss me?

Hi. I know that you might not want to hear from me but I’ve changed and I was wondering if maybe you would want to get together for a coffee.

I fucked up. I’m sorry that I fucked up so horribly. You were right. You deserve everything nice and not as fucked up as I am.

Hey, I was wondering if we could get together sometime.

He’s also written entire paragraphs of text telling you.

Hey. I am sorry. I might sound completely self indulgent in this, and for that I apologize, I think this needs to be said though and that’s why I’m writing this down now before texting you. I’m sorry that I pushed my feelings onto you at a grossly inappropriate time. It was selfish of me. The truth is though that you were right. I was only able to tell you everything I was feeling if I was inebriated. I had a problem. I think I will have a problem for the rest of my life. I don’t know if I’ll be able to ever drink again, or smoke weed again. It lets me be a fake kind of vulnerable. A vulnerability that is just all pretend and make believe. A way to fool myself that I am letting people in when I’m only just locking them out. I never wanted to do that with you. I wanted to let you in. I think I did, at times. Telling you things that I haven’t even told Jin about my family; but I’ve never let you in fully. For that, I apologize. You were right about that. You deserve someone who lets you in all the way. Who wants to let you in and is capable of doing so. Another truth is that I miss you. I miss you so much it feels like there is part of me that is missing. I don’t know if you and I will ever have a friendship that is the same and I have to be okay with that because it was my fault.

He doesn’t know if he will ever send them though. As he stares at the screen he thinks about another possibility. Just a simple “hey” and leave it at that. See where it goes, if it goes anywhere.

The thing that scares him the most,though is if it doesn’t go anywhere. And he knows that he can’t text you until he’s absolutely okay with that.

The front door and Jin steps out of his sliders before he walks into the kitchen and Yoongi finally breaks his stare and joins him. “If I, hypothetically, saw her, would you want to know?” Jin asks as he reaches into the bag and takes out the items that he’s bought for the week.

“Did you see her?” he asks, knowing full well that Jin has in fact seen you.

Jin nods. “Yes. She was at that newer cafe this morning when I was there for my meeting.”

Taehyung’s cafe. Yoongi knows which one.

“How is she?”

Jin smiles and then shrugs. “She said she was okay. Greeted me with a hug and told me that she misses me.”

There is silence in the kitchen and a piece of Yoongi wants to scream and ask if you mentioned him, but instead he takes the second bag and begins to unpack that.

“She said that she’s going away with her boyfriend for a week. Going to her parent’s cabin in the mountains.”

Again there is silence and Yoongi gives a little grunt of acknowledgement. Boyfriend. It was bound to happen and he’s not sure why there is even a part of him that is surprised.

“To be honest, Yoongi, she seemed sad. Like you, a little. You two always think you’re so good at hiding your emotions but it’s right there in your eyes giving every fucking thing away.”

Yoongi doesn’t stop what he’s doing. Jin is right. Though, he’s always right and it’s incredibly annoying. “Yoongi,” Jin says and looks at him. “Text her.”

Yoongi (21:45): Hey. I know it’s been a long time.

You (22:03): Hi. Yeah, it has been.

Yoongi (22:05): I’m sorry about that. I wanted to give you space.

You (22:05): I appreciate that.

Yoongi (22:06): Could we get together sometime for a coffee? There are some things that I want to tell you and I think it would be best if we did it in person and not over text.

You (22:08): I’m at my parent’s cabin for the next week, can it wait until I get back?

Yoongi (22:08): Yes.

You (22:35): If it’s important then I think it would be okay if you came up for lunch. I kind of want to spend this week relaxing and to be honest, I don’t know if I’ll be able to relax knowing that you want to tell me things.

Yoongi (22:40): You’d be okay with that?

You (22:41): Yes.

Yoongi (22:41): Tell me when and I’ll drive there.

You (22:57): What about the day after tomorrow? It will give you a day to write everything down that you want to say to me 😛

Yoongi (22:58): You know me too well. What time?

You (22:58): 1300?

Yoongi (22:59): Anything you want me to bring?

You (22:59): Just yourself.

Yoongi (23:00): I’ll be there. Just me. Have a good night. You (23:04): You too.

#min yoongi fanfic #kim taehyung fanfic #min yoongi x reader #kim taehyung x reader #min yoongi fic #kim taehyung fic #bts fanfction #bts fanfic #fic: starstruck

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hanzi83 · 1 year

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Venting Venting Venting

It feels like it has been a while since I have done a blog. Luckily I have jotted down the thoughts I wanted to express over a week ago, but the issue is the shit I feel passionate about at the moment because it is constantly being talked about in the discourse, but the last week or so I have been at a lot of wrestling shows, so I wasn’t just stuck at home trying to isolate myself to further stick it to people who already pushed me into isolation for the last 13 years, but when you are not online much, it feels good not to consume the nonstop discourse that will have genuine issues and concern but gimmicked into a culture war where no solutions will be had and it will be more sports entertainment where we dunk on people for being hypocrites and it will be constant dumbing down the villains you are supposed to be worried about. I kept up with key stuff that was going on on some level, but it felt good not to have to see nonstop gaslighting, plus twitter was fucked up this past weekend which was a blessing in disguise for me, like I don’t have to worry about many people interacting with me since I have legit been blackballed from being seen as relevant, the problem is, that there are still dangerous funded trolls who monitor me and try to insert themselves into my life, plus you never know when people from the past will resurface for their own agendas, but whenever I feel good for a bit, it always has to come with more mental anguish, like sometimes when I have had a good time and feel less stressed and mentally ill, I often just sit back and enjoy the thoughts and positive vibes I have in my head and processing things where I don’t even want to jot down these good feelings because everything I do is monitored, just like everyone on this planet is monitored, and I feel if I put it down I have been feeling good, my trolls will be paid to show back up and instill more paranoia, or people who thought sucking up to me for a few years, who also secretly have deals with my trolls will come back, and because they don’t get the interaction they want, they will try to instigate shitty trolling with their less than charismatic personalities to goad me into getting into an argument, they will try to start shit, then still pretend they are on “Team Hanzi” yet they will be in other people’s comments posting pictures of me because they have them all saved because they are closeted groupies who probably jerk off to my fat face, while being an edge lord and projecting on me as being gay as an insult, that is probably a hit in those mediocre group chats that fake like each other’s shitty jokes but because it is the common bond of hatred for me, they will give each other pretentious high fives. So the “good feeling” is rubbing off and I can sense when the negative energy tries to resurface so I would rather vent about a few things to melt it from my head so I don’t fucking build up more frustration, where my mind goes to looking at the future scenarios and get mad at these scenarios that I am envisioning which play a part in the accumulative nature of mental illness in my fucking head that constantly builds up. I don’t mind showing my irrational behavior because mental illness is not a pretty thing, people want to support the notion of awareness but then constantly deny what institutions and the system has done to many people who suffer, you solely have to take all the accountability and responsibility while people who will keep doing this to people will be protected and be propped up as these great human beings. The best part of this, is people have to pretend they don’t read it because it goes beyond the script they play with online where they have to repeat the official narratives about me on the Stern Show, and the online shit has become just as gimmicked, it may have meant something in the 90’s and early 2000’s and I realize we have constantly been rebooting the decade we are in and correlate with the current climate by the aesthetic when I feel shit has become 100 times more advanced, and the wrong people who have platforms are the ones who get to pretend to be experts while these pussies do their shitty right wing pivots, and more people will show that side, everyone eventually throws on an NWO shirt. They rather work with the hive mind and regress rather than learning to evolve, people who have the greatest aesthetic are the most fucked up people on the planet, and the solace I have is that eventually they will realize their closed ones will even think they are fucking sociopaths and will not want to be around them or at the very least, they will be fucked up too, selling out might give you a better aesthetic, but the way some of these people act, and how contentious they get, shows they hate themselves deep down as they dissolve into soulless villains who will have more vitriol for the people trying to fight back against fascism than the fascists themselves. Everyone is finding their way of crossing over and it is scary. I really wish I was not here for this, because I have sene so many people oppose people going for right wing pivots and it seems all of them are eventually doing it too, especially when they dumb down narratives. Promoting shitty debates that won’t go anywhere, or bringing awareness of more villains that exist in the discourse to be villains, but nothing will happen to them because they are protected but they get the benefits of acting like they are being canceled, so they will get some rejuvenation into their grift that they are doing.

Let’s start with TYT’s continued regression. They have done so many bone headed things over the last week, it is hard to keep up with but this is why the right wing wins because even people on the left who are kind of condemning them, some people are fully calling them out for their gaslighting bullshit they are doing while pretending to be victims, but there are some who pretend they don’t want this to be and maybe you don’t but if you are gonna play a fucking pro wrestling naive babyface who will constantly trust Ric Flair, before he fucking turns on you again then what does that say, it is like you are giving people a reason to look at these people going more right wing to be fucking cool, thing is even if TYT is regressing and sophisticating it and being defended by very far right wing people, they could never in a million years ever fucking sound cool, when Ana Kasparian says “Homeboy this” “Homeboy that” she comes off like Monic Gellar when she says “You go girl” like she doesn’t sound like a fucking authentic human being. She is probably being studied by Marlon Wayans when he decides to make a sequel of White Chicks. And she knows what she is doing but she and Cenk are too pussy to admit they are becoming Nazis and will constantly take shots at people being mad at them when they are the ones who literally try to go for the engagement. People don’t want to believe a bunch of these alt media people have become the biggest frauds, they will become the people they hated when they point out “I CALLED OUT THE IRAQ WAR 20 YEARS AGO.. I WAS DESIGNED TO BE RIGHT BECAUSE MY ILK WAS GONNA BE THE NEW SELLOUTS WHO CAN CONSTANTLY SHIT ON MSM WHILE MISLEADING OURSELVES” and I know a lot of you who surround yourself with that ilk are sociopaths and that makes you dangerous, it certainly isn’t your fucking personality or the humor you have, most of you are just as bad as establishment MSM. First Ana retweets this moral stance about people on social media who are kind of being boastful of the submarine people who died in the titanic shit, here is the thing these billionaires are buying a way out of this planet or living underground because the world is going to shit, and all this twitter limit shit, and reddit fucking up etc, they are trying to fuck up these social media places because when shit does go to complete and utter shit, there will hardly be a way to find out what is really happening and it will be dominated by the propped up people aligned with Elon Musk. But my shitty conspiracy aside, and anything that I say in this blog or say on the podcast, I don’t know 100 percent, which is why I go off by the vibes and I am all over the fucking map, but it is fine, there is no pressure in me writing the most prolific piece of literature, no one is really looking for me to do that, but the important people do consume what I write and get mad about it and I expect them to extract revenge down the line, they will collaborate with more fundamentalist types online and other fed like accounts to try and push me to the brink of insanity because they are butt hurt they couldn’t get me to be on the right wing side, maybe you convinced people from my past to join that side, but I would rather fucking die than be on that fundamentalist side that is gonna be the modern Nazi shit. Ana Kasparian will get up in arms about people not giving a shit about billionaires who knew the risk of going into that shit, but at the same time, she will demonize homeless and do her “crime wave” shtick, and act like she is confused what to do with these people, yet she will whitewash dangerous politicians and influential people who are criminals and have gotten away with so much. They will bring up the trans in sports issue to act like it is not a winning issue, but this issue is so rare that is being promoted in sensationalist ways to make it seem like this is being forced in sports and they do the separate but equal type of talk, knowing it is more complicated, and the only people who bring this up are right wing people who helped create this issue in sports because people who don’t think they are political, will consume news about sports and entertainment, and they use these political issues that won’t be presented with nuance or people who are from that community and it will be people who are just reactionary and they fear monger about this and dictate how people can feel about it, even though they are using culture war shit to help ease people into accepting these fundamentalist laws that will harm these communities. They have helped promote the bare minimum of Trump over the last decade and did their sports entertainment, but now they pretend to be voices of reason of being “fair” about why Trump resonates etc, they know the future of this shit but they kayfabe their hate for the democrats solely, knowing that whoever the world champion is, Vince McMahon is the one who is booking the direction, and this is why different bad faith actors will use a lesser established presidential candidate as this new voice, when they won’t make the difference on the surface if the same guy is writing the storylines and putting it together, but they want their new face to be the guy who will represent for the right wing system, and by making it look like they are solely focused on Trump helps, but now TYT and others get to act like they are above that, when they have misleaded, and the only “corrections” they have made have been to appease the far right because again they are fucking cowards who don’t want to admit they got their assholes branded with Nazi symbols, while Ben Shapiro and Candice Owens play judge of who has a better one. They will then do stories where they will make excuses for fascist shit, where they will defend Rick Scott for warning against people who are socialist to stay out of Florida like it is gonna be danger but then she does “both sides” and she even says in the program “I know people are gonna hate I do both sides” basically that translates to “I know people hate that I am leaning toward catering to Nazis because me and my co host are the biggest money whores on the planet, but I am gonna continue to do it anyway” These people claim to be better than the MSM but they can’t even do a fucking story without flailing their shitty arms about how wokeness is going too far because social climbers online who could be bad faith actors yelled at them and that gets focused on rather than the people who are actually being polite and being friendly and correcting them on where they went wrong and they insist on going down the white supremacist path. They are not charismatic enough to pull it off but they are dangerous because they are protected pussies who will keep doubling down and gaslighting people and then playing victims on their press run where you are uplifting Jesse Singal, and now leaning more into the anti trans shit that is sophisticated, and claiming people yelled at Lee Fang for reporting on violence at the BLM protests. They will constantly talk about people being emotional reactionaries but their entire fucking being on this planet is fucking acting like reactionaries, they do a fucking story about how some conservative who used to be homophobic has been finding the errors of his ways and is accepting of LGBTQ people etc, and that is a good story to do, genuine regular people who have been brainwashed and breaking out from it, it is a beautiful thing. But they then tie the story of an imaginary crowd canceling this guy already, like you did a good story but you had to take jabs at people who called you out for being transphobic and creating issues so you can get yourself canceled. She has no problem talking to white supremacists and whitewashing it, she will then in bad faith talk about how Rick Scott’s warning is not different from people who were warning about going to Florida if you are from a marginalized community, and said “I was just in Florida, it is fine, there were pride flags there and people were celebrating” yes I am sure certain areas people are celebrating their month etc, but it doesn’t mean the overall pattern in the future is to get rid of those people too, but she has to both sides to protect fascism, and then she and Cenk get to parade around and act like they represent for progressives so a bunch of right wing people can do the same shit they do with Bill Maher and Jimmy Dore and do the “Well I don’t view myself as a leftist, but TYT and Jimmy Dore are making sense” yeah because they are catering to the fundamentalist right wing side and promote fake culture wars so they can do their witty sitcom banter, and I know you will keep doubling down on your shitty personalities but you guys are not that talented, you are not even human beings, you are robot personalities trying to do your own establishment show. I wish more leftists would call it out for what it is, but it seems most of the leftists the last several years have been deciding to dumb shit down even though they pretend they are smarter than everyone, but they will definitely all start going more to the right wing side eventually. They are scared of these fucking jerkoffs who want to play footsy with Nazis? Ana Kasparian is scared to talk to people outside her race but she is not scared of being okay with Trump normalizing his fascist bullshit, you will pretend there is nothing to be scared about with DeSantis who has fascist aspirations and promote fake sports entertainment where it leaves your audience no choice but to have to pick a side and that is some sicko shit.

The affirmative action controversy happened and they even have tokens who are conservative fundamentalists being happy about it because it is putting a hindrance on their movement, when the world already has a bunch of unfair shit and this affirmative action shit was never designed to help minorities on a social level, meaning yeah they might get a position or a spot in a school etc, but the social energy towards them is met with vitriol because a bunch of racists and self hating minorities will deem them as not being worthy of having the spot, like the white people in those positions have all the experience and there was no favoritism toward them. They are getting different minority groups recruited for a bunch of fundamentalist conservative issues, you could say that it is forced diversity because the far right wing loves minorities who go against anything that liberal minded people will promote even if Affirmative action doesn’t solve all racial injustices but it is needed, but they make it seem like the system really wants this, but it is designed for right wing people from a right wing trajectory system to capitulate so their road to fascism comes off as some victory that was earned. And of course people like TYT will agree with it because a bunch of racist people will say racist shit so we have to capitulate and pretend this system in general is by merit, when it is all about who bows down the powerful people and their narratives, and making it seem because the liberals present shit in limited ways, that the pushback from funded sports entertainers online are the genuine politically incorrect opinion. TYT was even used in a fucking DeSantis ad even if it was taken out of context but that symbolizes they are going that route but TYT is buying time to act like it was taken out of context but even if that specific clip was taken out of context, your other content has been sophisticating your white supremacist agenda, Cenk is the biggest token Muslim cosplaying as a fucking progressive, the guy is mastering his fucking Bababooey/Hacksaw Jim Duggan gimmick. They will keep finding ways to be okay with fascist propaganda and act like people who are gonna be affected as being people who are crying about non winning issues, just because you guys weren’t strong enough to stick to your “progressive principles” like every other post leftist dipshit who for so long used their credibility being better than MSM and the establishment while not explaining the establishment has expanded online and with a bunch of the entertainers in the streaming world. They and others have helped dumb down the rhetoric and dumb down the villains who will be serious threats, because they know their position will be protected, they have treated politics and serious issues for their armchair quarterback game, and turned into a pretentious reality show because they want to be the characters on Succession, and think their banter is actually funny. Everyone thinks they are funny and guess what, that means no one is fucking funny, sure you will have your cults all pretending you are the funniest people on the planet, but you know deep down they are only supporting you for your shitty political opinions because you are bowing down to the far right, and the thing is if these conspiracies that the right wing peddle come true or one story from it comes true, it is like the establishment democrats and bought off personalities purposefully limited it, so when something does come true, guess who will get credit? The right wing and some of you know that, and you are helping them. Like when MTG talks about her television being hacked and shit connecting to it, if I didn’t know who MTG is and just heard the story of what happened, yes I could believe that shit like that can be hacked, there have been times where my smart TV has been hacked, my trolls will show off about doing that, but because it is MTG who is probably lying about it, now it means the entire conspiracy cannot be true, and it is like why would you limit shit? It is like how they project over the feds being this evil force, like they have been, and if it is proven that these feds helped with the insurrection, the right wing will win the narrative of making it look like they were framed, when my conspiratorial brain goes to the fact that I believe that these feds would be on their side, and they would make it look like they are framing them so it will fuel the next insurrection to be 100 times more dangerous because they will feel vindicated with being the ones who were the voices of reason, hence all these celebrations of corporations capitulating. The liberals present white supremacy on a bare minimum level, and go by the over the top aesthetic, that the right wing can pretend that everything is generalized into white supremacy so when ABC News is doing stories about downplaying Moms for Liberty, people will act like people on the left are wrong to be outraged that ABC News is being fair to this group when this group is a far right wing group that has constantly used Hitler quotes, and people who defend it go “No they are using quotes to show what the left are doing” but that is also fucking not true, so they are not only using Hitler quotes but they are applying them to people who are trying to fight back against that shit, so now you will notice more and more media in the establishment will capitulate to these people and they will see it as a victory. Again this is just my personal fucking opinion. I don’t have the answers, but again I am either irrelevant or I am not, and you chose to do that, so don’t worry about a lowly Pakistani, I know a bunch of you right wingers have been recruiting a bunch of token Muslims to join your fundamentalist cause to hate on the LGBTQ but to those Muslims who want to fucking join that side, or other token minorities who want to, look at how they are talking about immigrants over these France riots and I am sure there are regular people really pissed, but how do I know there aren’t far right wing funded groups who are causing more chaos to blame it on all the Muslims and they are too busy hating on Muslims and finding a way to shit on minorities for the fucked up shit going on in France, where now they don’t give a shit about what happens in Palestine, and fundamentalists on the neoliberal and neoconservative sides will control both sides of the argument where anyone who calls out what Israel is doing and how fucked up the government is, it will be deemed Anti Semitic, and because the places to go to talk about it become limited, where else can you go? Alt media or online message boards to talk about it, and that is where the other far right wing fundamentalists are on some level, where they will generalize Jewish people entirely and this is how they can get people who are confused about Russia/Ukraine to then think Russia is this innocent victim, and people who might not know better will see how they never give a shit about Muslims even if they pretend they are concerned for about 15 minutes, and that is how it is easy to get swept into this propaganda, it is like the neoliberals want to push more people to the right. Now they have fear mongering going on with migrants in France doing all of this, when it is another trickle down effect of where the world is going so they can justify why bringing in their form of fascism, and now that I don’t trust anyone as far as news goes with their narratives, it is hard to know what is real now, like people are convinced that behind the scenes footage of Fast and Furious of cards falling out of buildings is real footage and talking about how Africans are taking over France, these people are not playing the rules and they are running with narratives that will endanger shit, all because the people who perpetuate it can just do 90’s aesthetics and shit on the transparent MSM is bad angle and make that their entire personality trait. They will even pretend the MSM is not talking about this, but they link to a MSM article talking about it, and if I had continued down that path 12 years ago, I would’ve been one of those dipshits, but then again maybe I would make more money and be successful since everyone has to pay the piper when they want to advance, not to say there isn’t hard work or skill but when that hard work and skill is helping the white supremacist system flourish, it is like they have taken any of the progress made by the messaging a decade or so ago, and now think pushing back against complaints of racism, homophobia, sexism, transphobia etc, they are the ones who have the issues because the issues get presented in a limited way and this is how it all gets repeated in a cycle of bullshit with this sophistication of rebranding more ways to keep marginalized people marginalized and putting their lives in danger, and everyone who tries to fight back, then end up giving in where they start finding their own angle to then join in with the right wing side. We can’t agree with the Epstein shit, they will tell us officially there is no foul play and people will think by pointing out MSM is lying about it means their side if 100 percent true, but they will never entertain the idea that their favorite politicians and public figures who are leaning more right haven’t been there and they supposed don’t trust the feds but then believe some CIA guy who is trying to “expose sex trafficking” and I am sure it exists, but people on the liberal side will act like the notion is fucking ridiculous when it does exist, and in my opinion the ones who are pointing it out that is exists to weaponize against all liberals etc, are probably the ones who are guilty of it. But people will keep dumbing down the the evil and levitate shit with comedy because that entertainment form has never felt any lesser with everything constantly being catered to that notion so if you think what someone is doing is inherently evil, all we have to do is constantly make it into this shitty sports entertainment and nothing gets solved, it just goes in cycles. The world is gonna implode more and more, they even take that incident that started all this protesting in France by having the argument be about another “both sides” argument because the person shot had a record, and then the result is violence and impending doom so it makes it seem like people concerned about police brutality are the ones who are into violence while the far right wing calls for violence nonstop and try to use their symbolism to talk about what they plan to do in the future. It feels like the far right wing is taking over every country on some level, or maybe a good position of countries while they present country vs country aesthetic.

Another thing is with people who are discredited on the surface and are related to shitty people, like Liz Cheney warning about Trump not being able to get close to the White House, like her father and Bush Jr weren’t bad or anything but maybe that shit is self preservation of what will happen in the future so we have it on record people warned about this, even though in the present it seems people ignored the other shit in the past that got us to this place, so we then are supposed to assume Trump is not as evil as others and they are actually trying to stop him, if they were gonna stop him, he would’ve have been able to catch traction, the overall build of not trusting the MSM or Hollywood Liberals worked so well because they were the ones who were calling out Trump so most people who don’t like that shit assumed Trump was the anti establishment guy because even though he resorts to edge lord behavior, he would let some truth slip out about other shit on some level. But it feels like the same players with the use of sports entertainment can make it seem like if they say good things on some level, we have to blindly trust them, and if that person ends up being shady then their entire anti Trump message doesn’t have meaning and I believe the same power players in the Bush era, that ilk, have found a way to make it seem like the aesthetic of the US warning about Russia is on the same level as warning about Iraq, but what if the narratives is supposed to be that the same dynamics have intellectualized itself with the same kinds of people actually being aligned with far right wing over there, so it is like they remixed the discourse but by the surface we have to think supporting Ukraine during this invasion is he same exact scenario as something 20 years ago because the US lied about shit, and they don’t do themselves favors when they don’t deem Palestinians as human beings. People who already feel disillusioned with shit then can see that if they get no support and they weaponize so much against one community that other communities get protection, and instead of hating other communities or countries for getting protection, I wish others would get concern as well, but this is how people who might not know better get lured in. As a dumbed down guy who doesn’t know how to retain all this information coming at me, I have never been more confused about narratives anymore. Like even people who I have respected about their takes on Palestine etc, have now implemented their right wing beliefs on their platforms and buy into this forced push with RFK Jr, like someone like George Galloway who would speak out about what Israel is doing to Palestine is gonna back RFK Jr who has justified why Israel does what they do, so you just can’t claim you are some anti Imperialist and then align with people who are gonna have bad intentions, it is sick that you would take a genuine issue in what is happening over there and then lure people into this new form of fundamentalist. Look at this marketing with Roseanne, much like a lot of celebs, she at one time would speak out about the fundamentalism in showbiz and talked about MK Ultra, and I know people don’t believe that exists, but now the last several years it is like she has been going further right, and her and Theo Von marketed a controversy for his podcast to get promoted, so that it was an obvious sarcastic joke, even though it was not that funny, but then the online reactionaries who are supposed to be liberal etc, who I think take shit out of context on purpose, so then these shitty comedians can go “OH MY GOD ARE WE AT A POINT WHERE WE DON’T RECOGNIZE SARCASM” Yeah I can recognize sarcasm, but she may have been joking in the most hacky way possible, but she also gave respect to MTG as well, and this has been accumulating with fake cancel culture bullshit. It doesn’t matter, it is the whole “radio won’t play my jam” shit that these people do and they are just amplifying it on HGH after doing a fucking 24 hour coke binge and these people with hive mind think it means shit because the people who market this shit are propping up up. And I am not gonna buy into this bullshit anymore. She said black people control rap and that is when I knew she was completely full of shit, sure there are black people who might have power and be figure heads etc, there might be more black people who might gate keep something that is their culture, but it is all these fundamentalist execs who have power behind the scenes, and I know “OH IS THAT CODE FOR JEWISHHHHHH” No, but yeah there are Jewish members of a delegation that are involved just like other delegations in the system who have power, I think Christian fundamentalism is what actually runs showbiz under the guise of freedom and liberation, but we won’t recognize it because we only see the obvious evangelical shit that is taking place. But now that bad faith actors are talking about it in an era where they are on a platform where they speak to millions, they are the ones who will generalize people from communities based off the delegations, it would be like if Sopranos were real, and I blamed all Italians on what the Italian mobsters do because they represent for their people on some level, but they will be the ones who have the power within their communities and you will deal with them so it is like you have feuding delegations, this is how they are doing this with the affirmative action shit, it was created by some dude Ed Blum, but they are using token Asians to help get this going, just like they are getting Muslims to get behind the fundamentalist shit against LGBTQ. The fundamentalist Muslims who these Chrsitian fundamentalists warned about to justify why you need to bomb the fuck out of them are now actually aligning with the fundamentalists they claimed to hate. So thanks for exposing that you just get off on the fact that Muslims are being tortured and destroyed.

I know I am all over the map, but when I have a laundry list of shit to get off on my chest, I get scattered. I tend to fucking go off on these rants and venting as much as I can because I continue to see the world going into a very far right wing direction and I don’t know who from my past who tries to associate with me are connected with it since people want to get to the top and be associated with celebrities and will sell their soul, and now that I have been thinking on my own and have my own theories and try to analyze shit my own way it is a big no-no to people who will never educate people, they will just express their opinion if it helps their cause because they are associated with problematic people. I worry because I have been out of the loop but I get dragged out and seen with people from time to time and I don’t know what they have been up to or who they are associated with. That is why I refer not to be on this planet anymore because I know eventually the more and more people go to the right, I am gonna be forced to go down that route when I have been trying not to regress because I came so close, I know the conspiratorial shit has lead me there, but I like to think even if I am conspiratorial and maybe I am completely wrong about certain things, I am not trying to regress and actually use it for actually get people to evolve in my own fucked up way. I am all over the map with this but when things keep playing out and I am seeing more shit being normalized and promoted as victory because you got SCOTUS to allow discrimination to LGBTQ people or another faulty promise of student loan debt being done but then they take away shit, and they know the shit on the surface will always be imploding and it just feels like all the storylines are designed to get us there, and the more crazy it gets and people with platforms basically kayfabe the gimmicked shit, it will be their excuse to go further right, like if whatever happens under Biden’s watch happens, people will then think they can go on the Trump or DeSantis side, but their side will be the faces of where the fascism goes in an overall sense. That is how I see it, maybe being a pro wrestling fan all my life it is easy to see how this could play out, I know I am clearly not smarter than all the political gatekeepers out there. All these social media places popping up is like the main pro wrestling companies going to shit or losing favor in the early 2000s so everyone thinks they will be the next WWE or they will be the next competition for it. It just feels like everything is becoming a parody and it feels by design because the people who are jokes in showbiz and are not the relevant ones, like let’s say Rob Schneider kind of help leading the charge on this anti wokeness shit going on, people will then think the celebs who are bigger and more mainstream are actually on the side of their cause but the reason why so many of these showbiz people who come off as hasbeens or washed up problematic people seem like they are the ones who are the jokes but the jokes is that they are permitted to do this and catch traction on alt media, but they are being allowed by the same celebs who might come off as liberal on the surface, but how much can you take shit seriously when we are using these low level celebs who are easy to dunk on, so it completely gets levitated by the comedy of the whole thing because can you believe we are gonna be arguing with Dean Cain and Kevin Sorbo about the state of the world. It basically lessens the threat, because everyone is playing it by cliques, because people who are supposedly anti right wing seem like they are more relevant and happening but those same people are also gonna take their masks off to show their side where they reveal their right wing personas. Guys like Jimmy Dore are finding their ways to move to the right even more, because now they start doing the stop the steal nonsense without saying they are going that route, or they will start doing anti climate change shit, but not super obvious but eventually it goes to those lengths, for people who are supposed to be anti establishment, you are doing the establishment’s narratives but I guess because we question people’s motives or notice you wear a fucking stupid fedora, suddenly no one is credible because these people with platforms never want free thinkers, they say it in principle but they all want cult members who don’t question them because they said a couple of things that happened to prove them right throughout their career. Again I am just crossing off stuff that I had jotted down and I knew once I tried to kind of vent, it would overwhelm my mind and then I would start moving all over the place, but again this is one of the benefits of being someone who is not relied upon, I am not a destination blog or podcast, people know it exists, but I am not have people coming at me directly, sure there will be people who do monitor and keep an eye out on it and will use people in my life to fuck wit my mindstate, or they will get other people with bigger platforms to lure me on so officially I can have a bigger target on me in some kind of way. Like when I say that the whole Proud Boy vs Patriot Front is the biggest sports entertainment thing going on as well, and people on the left who seem to think the feds could not be white supremacists is the stupidest shit, like when right wing people say it is feds, it is being used for the purpose to convey that right leaning people are being framed and because they push back against their ties to white supremacy they use the feds as a way to downplay it, so when they say feds, they act like there couldn’t be factions that align with white supremacy in these institutions, then when the left downplays the possibility that of feds framing anyone when there is a history, they will say “It is because of white supremacy” but in a limited and generalized way like people in the feds could not have ties to that. But again it is more sports entertainment. And if it somehow revealed that the right wing on the surface is being framed etc, this will be their just cause to do whatever they want and people will buy into this propaganda. That is why with the way they promote these stories that could be used for viral moments and make people involved these characters, while also promoting vigilante justice to be done to cogs in the system who are probably funded by the system to act out, they promote thee stories because it plays a role in them becoming social media characters, that woman who shot the black women through her front door for ringing the bell will get off, and then the juxtaposition to then use a scenario where a 14 year old kid shot and killed someone protecting his mother when they were attacked in some restaurant. When these stories then have ties to celebs or it becomes this big news story it feels like it gets used to promote more vigilante shit, and also they have this story out there because more people will focus on the racist white woman who did what she did, so they can say that people will make excuses for the black mother’s son who shot at someone who was attacking her. I can see how these ghouls and fucking blood suckers exploit this shit so it eases us into this mindset when this shit, even violence could be funded by billionaires that helps facilitate the 24/7 news cycle and not even with traditional media, now all these think tank and propped up right wing figures, this world is going to shit. I see little implementations everyday by what they normalize in the discourse. Even the talk about pedo shit, like people like Libs of Tik Tok will show a video of naked bikers riding around at an event with little kids there, and then you don’t realize that the account that has plenty of kids watching her content are now seeing these naked bikers as well, it is like they don’t give a shit about it and the reason they prop sensationalist stories because if it happens with a group that identifies with a community by the aesthetic, but you don’t know if this sensationalist shit being promoted in certain instances are done by the right wing themselves, not like there aren’t right wingers who love to do homoerotic shit anyways, but they could easily have this organized to make it look certain ways but this is what happens when there aren’t many people who are opposite the right who will entertain something conspiratorial because it is only the right wing being permitted to be allowed to be that. I know people use their favorite prestige shows to compare to what is happening in real life etc, and it is always with the surface level shit, but if I look at this superhero shit and their hidden truths, it is considered a joke that I would ever think that they are showing us in plain sight what is happening on a symbolic level of what direction the world is going in. When we see the incompetent moves these politicians make on the surface, which I always assume is by design, you want to believe that they have been possessed or there is some Twin Peaks shit going on. Like am I really supposed to think RFK Jr is a real human being or if he is supposed to be a malfunctioning AI in real time, I never seen such a push for someone to act like they are being suppressed when he is in every alt media place, he is on MSM as well, there is constant stories about him, but it is like the alt media circles wanting to create their own “anti establishment” character when it means nothing anymore because everyone is compromised, all you have to do is give the impression he is being censored and since we think this is the 90’s we act like he is Bill Hicks going on public access shows for his appearances, it doesn’t have the same feeling and it feels just as establishment as the establishment person themselves, at least with an establishment person, I know there will be bullshit, but someone who acts like they are these ultimate truth tellers, they end up becoming suspect down the line and there is more proof to that over the last several years. If this were 10 years ago and you sold me on this RFK Jr shit as more systemic shit to get rid of him because of what they did to JFK, I would’ve thought there was merit to it, but who fucking knows. It feels they are trying way too hard to push this, and if people don’t like him, it is like they have to be gaslit people because are acting this is about free speech when this speech I can hear from other right wing dipshits, how is “speech” being threatened when protected people say that shit, as long as you make it look like there is suppression people will then think they are listening to someone dangerous. In most cases, the establishment backs these people who are anti establishment because it always seeps into some right wing fundamentalism. And then we have obvious gaffes that are going on with Biden, him saying shit like they can’t expand the SCOTUS because people will think it is being politicized because the right wing isn’t already doing this shit anyways, but if it is on the surface for a viral moment, who fucking knows what they are actually doing, most regular people would not gravitate towards that nuance because if they see the same old shit happening on the surface, then how would people think there is anything dangerous about this new right wing shit, when it has been levitated through comedy and entertainment in general. It is clear the shit that happens as a viral moment to me are ways to constantly keep the entertainment dollar flowing while the overall shit is moving into a far right direction hence why cowards who are protected feel more comfortable going that route, and me being stupid as is, with some of the trans issues because this is still pretty new to me as far as understanding the science and the treatments, the only things that get put out there are the sensationalist shit mixed with bad faith actors, like when I hear someone in the last 5 years like Joe Rogan who is around athletes and has been involved in sports, if he is telling his audience about some shit that ends up arguing in favor of being anti trans even if it is in a subtle way, someone like me will not know what is true or not but since this guy is an athlete or hangs out with them etc, maybe he knows what he is talking about, so the sports issue becomes a bit confusing to me, who is already kind of dumbed down from understanding the specifics, sure I could just regurgitate shit that smart people say and have the aesthetic of repeating what smart people say but I will be honest and fully admit, I don’t get how some of this shit works and I could not explain it, that is why I am glad there are some people who work as hosts on TYT have left because this one person Bennie did a video about his interactions with Cenk behind the scenes on how they are doubling down even in private and telling her that she lives in a bubble, no it seems like you guys live in a bubble because you want to fucking grift for the right wing audience hence why Ana is playing the helpless white woman who is being attacked by people who have been calmly explaining why she is wrong and she doesn’t seem to give a shit about being propped up by right wing accounts who are probably the ones help funding this new pivot which they are doing horribly. Even flat out defending Rittenhouse, I know we are supposed to act like we are judging these situations how they play out, but if you follow my train of thought, it will be like the far right wing are initiating people into their cliques and now the common thread is to have situations like Rittenhouse and then judge it like this was just some regular situation playing out and since people on the left will not get conspiratorial and maybe see the overall thing that is happening is that they will keep creating situations where it is supposed to be a nuanced debate which never really has nuance, all it has is people finding a way to justify why this issue has pushed people to the right. Ana is scared to talk to people outside her fucking race, but she is comfortable defending far right dipshits, sucking up showbiz people because she somehow thinks she is an interesting personality and the only people who support you is not because your fucking amazing personality, they are supporting you because you are becoming a fucking Nazi. She will believe the intention of “regular MAGA” people so she can pretend she is being fair while being unfair to people on the fucking left, they will get mad at at trans activists for fighting their fight, while they are doing stories playing devil’s advocate for fascist supporters who they want to give softball interviews to. And again they will double down, but I wish people on the “left” will stop treating these people with kids gloves, but I don’t know, maybe some of you will also start leaning more to the right on a fucking issue. I don’t know about the hormone treatment or what puberty blockers situation because people like this will suddenly do intellectualized propaganda about their dangers which can sound convincing to dumbed down people like me, and trust me there are others who consume shit who are dumbed down and will think one issue that someone talks about makes them credible but then they will take advantage of that shit, and spread more disinformation while making their entire personalities how they are more fair than MSM, that is all these alt media people do is cover MSM until they agree with their sentiment and then suddenly MSM is credible.

I figure I should take a paragraph breather, again I am all over the map but I have to get shit off my chest and when you have so much in your fucking head, you can go off on tangents and trying to cram in points you jotted down. I could’ve left this a journal entry where only the people monitoring me will see it and secretly sell the information to people I talk about in their underground networks so people can then target me and I wouldn’t know who, because that is what paid online mercenaries do especially if you are angering powerful people and you don’t want to regress because everyone eventually becomes the republican they hate as times moves on and how propaganda sophisticates itself. But from my view we are seeing this world become more of a sports entertainment field, when we are talking about a politician and the president of the Teamsters etc doing an MMA fight, thing is it sounds like a fucking joke but that is probably the direction we are going with the vitriol at these hearings etc, they have been planting those seeds for a while since it happens in other countries and since the US is the WWE of countries, they normally let other territories do it first before they bring it to their home. I could keep getting excited about them finally getting Trump and it would be cool if someone powerful got some kind of consequences, they make it look that way but it feels like they know nothing will happen to him, it makes no sense how he has the freedom to go out and do rallies and still run for president while he has committed the crimes he did and you will bring up Hunter Biden etc, and even though there is some overall corruption going on with bribes etc, like that could be true, the only way to make this marketable is making him a fucking sports entertainer where he probably did all the stuff he is doing for the purpose of it being out there, suddenly you have all these clips at your disposal, it is like we are being given the fucking news by people who want to be entertainers and they want to book it like their favorite pretentious prestige television show. Everytime you tell us you got powerful people like Trump in the clutch, you will find out that things will work out in his favor, and it feels like this is about making more money for this process and all storylines knowing he won’t do time at all, and it makes his base think he is the one who walked away and beat the system, if they didn’t want him beating the system, they would’ve stopped him from even running in the fucking first place, they wouldn’t have covered his campaign and make bank off that, while pretending they oppose him. But we are supposed to think these dumbed down villains are not smart whatsoever, because people want the comfort of calling out powerful people but doing it the same way people call out Vince McMahon, completely dumb down so it takes the threat off him, you are helping facilitate this evil shit as well. Basically anything that is viral is designed to help the right wing, like the Obamas could put out a good message in showing solidarity with the affirmative action thing even if they are elitists etc, but then people then assume that anyone who has that message must be like the Obamas partying in Greece on some yacht like it isn’t designed for that purpose, people think they actually caught these people doing something hypocritical and not because it is supposed to be out there since our entire realities are a fucking sports entertainment show. It is amazing how “smart” and “free thinker” people are so fucking dumb, they will automatically assume that FBI agents who got promotions for kneeling at BLM rallies or some shit are only corrupt because of that, like even if the FBI is corrupt and I believe it is, you don’t think the kneeling was done as a photo op but maybe they want you to think their “loyalty” to BLM is the reason they got promoted. It also makes people who want to oppose the far right wing shit now have to kind of defend the FBI. I think there are many factions within institutions but I also think a lot of the feds support the far right win shit but the right has managed to make it look for their base that the FBI is against them completely and they are trying to go after Trump when this guy is walking around Willy Nilly doing his usual spiel and amplifying his base to dangerous fucking levels, I know because it is the Obamas we are not supposed to give a shit that another powerful person had his address posted, and I do believe it represents that these people have people on their payroll to go do this, now it was thwarted and sometimes I worry that if the right gets their traction they will think they planned it so it looks like Trump did in kayfabe but even if that was planned out etc, it feels like it represents what the right is capable of and that is directing their Arkham Asylum weirdos to be sacrificial lambs even if they have to get caught, you know how new right wing grifters will use “If they do this to Trump they can take away your free speech too” but they never worry when Trump can dox someone to his millions of followers on his social media platform, like fine you don’t care about Obama, fine but you aren’t alarmed at the tactic that could literally be used to target regular people if they don’t get in line? Sometimes it feels like people who are secretly on that side will sports entertain a feud with Trump and MAGA people so you are left blindly defending guys like Bill Gates or Fauci, like they could say or do some good shit, but then when you have shadiness about Gates being used against him since he is a powerful dude, people then weaponize it so they can overall generalize people on the left who are defending him because he seems to oppose the MAGA crowd, but I feel it is a way to defend people and then be shocked they are actually on the MAGA side, a lot of people are gonna be revealed as being secret MAGA people. Like as much as I love what Michael Imperioli did with denouncing people who are bigots from watching his work, when you put out a boastful message like that, it always feels like it is supposed to be insult to injury when you find out these people are really on the right wing side and they are just biding their time, especially if the people who are right wing are pushing back, they will then point out the hypocrisies of that person since it comes off like “TYPICAL HOLLYWOOD LIBTARD BEING SENSITIVE” because they people who will oppose that kind of message, once they get condemned as a whole for some shit, they think they are even more in the right because they are being attacked by a typical Hollywood guy. Even Eminem had to capitulate a little bit when he made that declaration of a line in the sand of supporting his music or supporting Trump and he kind of dialed it back on the next album. I know I am not making much sense, but at least I am not buying into this fake in fighting with MAGA type of people while it serves to give them free promo and actually helping their cause because we will continue to levitate shit by the comedic nature of it. But they are definitely using celebs as part of the overall discourse because I don’t believe they play by regular rules and shit playing out for social media and “real life” world feels like a way for people to be invested into a storyline where the goal is to manufacture consent for an overall homophobic, racist, misogynistic, transphobic attitude, that is why you will see an influx of men in the celeb world who are cogs and being used for storyline purposes to be the face of being wrongfully accused for shit so it then helps the abusers in the system prosper even more because they will use celeb shit as the be all end all that represents for situations like this since they play it out in a regular fucking way. But that is why they will keep promoting stories about someone who raped someone and make the issue about how they want better treatment in prison for being trans and a lot of dumbed down people are not gonna give a shit about someone being trans, they will look at the horrible crime committed and think anyone who thinks this person should be able to get treatment is the main focus of this and the left doesn’t care if they murder or rape people so you are already using these sensationalist examples to help manufacture consent to generalize all communities, which then I could retort that then if Trump or other MAGA people committed horrible crimes, why should I be concerned with the freedom of speech issue or censorship when it comes to people who already did horrible shit. Like there are countless white supremacists who serve in politics and they have done horrible shit or aligned with people who do horrible shit and yet they make excuses for why we need to hear from these people over and over again yet you will fear monger about crime, which is probably funded for the sole purpose to make it seem like there is favorable treatment to people, like whenever they do a story of someone who is black doing a violent crime but then they didn’t do time or let out because they claimed systemic racism is the reason why they were allowed to not do time, they will promote some shit like that, and I believe these people might not align with any left politics and they are funded to commit crimes and then be let out but if you make it look like they are being let out for the fear of police being called racist or some shit, it makes regular people think that calling out racism is a bad thing. This is why I know we have to pretend there is no conspiracy but if there is a conspiracy to help facilitate people into moving more right wing maybe people on the left should entertain going more conspiratorial, especially when you can disarm the right wing shit, because they will use their examples of agendas within the system, because no matter your delegation in the system, people from all backgrounds and identities will end up being problematic and not because of what their race, sexuality, religion, political ideology etc, but because the system is a corrupt cesspool and if you want to be in the system, you will have to get dirty at some point, and they will use it to discredit you if you try to stand up for the general community who have nothing to do with the corrupt system. This is why I don’t 100 percent buy a celebrity’s endorsement, because it will be used if those people end up corrupt or problematic and they will then use that person as a main reason why this so and so group is actually a problem. Look at what they did with Jussie Smolliet, they used in my opinion an obvious botched attempt to discredit and make it harder for members of the LGBTQ community to rase awareness of hate crimes committed against them, this Amber/Depp situation is being propped up by misogynists who are probably guilty of some abuse to act like that all abuse cases are like this one, they make it relate to regular people which is what the public figures main roles are, this is just my opinion. I am not saying I am 100 percent right, but they have been using entertainment to manufacture consent for the last 30 plus years. Now everyone is copying their favorite entertainment and making that their real life character. Anyways I am gonna be done with this blog. I know it probably didn’t come off well, and it was remixed with other shit going on but when I wait to write these blogs and I have a bunch of shit I compiled, I feel I have to cross shit off in order but no one is looking for the writings of a fat mentally ill man who still lives in his parents basement, so if you want to discredit me, you can do it with that, and you will convince people, but here is the thing that pisses off a lot of you corrupt shit heads, even if my aesthetic is not the most appealing, I know at the end of the day I am not a fucking social climber who is trying to hang out with my favorite celebs and do a right wing grift so I can stay relevant and even if your aesthetic is good and you have a social life, it is not making you any happier and you know deep down it is not making you any fucking happier even if you surgically have a smile planted on your fucking faces. You know the money is useless because you will have to spend it to to make other people richer and guess what when you sell your soul like that, you know the people who are propping you up don’t care about your talent, they care about you being another status quo dip shit who is helping the world move into more of a Nazi place and I hope you never get a moment of peace mentally. Eventually when you are alone, you will have to be alone with those thoughts and trust me it isn’t fun being alone with those thoughts, it becomes a scary thing. At least I can be alone with my thoughts

#Hanzi Howard Stern Show Conspiracy mental illness right wing grift TYT Ana Kasparian Cenk social media trans #right wing pivot social media discourse manufacturing consent

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zahai · 1 year

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As someone who knows nothing about ai: the somnium files: what are your favorite things about ai: the somnium files? (the more you elaborate the better (<-said kicking my feet holding my head in my hands (i love hearing about people's favorire things)))

Oh my goodness me, a chance to ramble about one of my favorite games? How ever will I cope with such a situation??? I suppose... I must... Ramble!

And then I took that very literally and rambled a whole lot. I've put everything under a read more because this is just nonstop stream-of-consciousness and I'm mostly unapologetic. Enjoy!

Firstly, and really I do mean firstly, the ARG that launched with the game announcement! I've had a small interest in ARGs for the last ten or so years. Never anything relevant, weirdly enough (somehow I managed to completely dodge Gravity Falls until well after both its series AND post-series ARG had concluded), but having a new game by one of my favorite directors launch with him introducing us to his new virtual idol who he cared for deeply? Yeah I was hooked. A-Set, Uchikoshi's Virtual Star of the Internet, was a charmer. I found her annoying at first, but her weekly vlogs were a wonderful way to introduce us the players to some of the locations and cast members. There was also a twitter component where A-Set would interact with her in-world self-acclaimed Biggest Fan - Ota Matsushita - and real-world game director - Kotaro Uchikoshi - freely. I didn't and still don't have an account on that website, so I relied mostly on updates fed via discord bot for that.

This ARG was... Fascinating. I honestly highly recommend checking out, at the very least, A-Set's youtube channel. It barely scratches the surface of just how wacky things became (three additional characters eventually began participating in the ARG on twitter - Japanese A-Set, Japanese Ota Matsushita, and Japanese Kotaro Uchikoshi - only one of whom was really relevant in the end but they sure did make things confusing for a bit), but it covers more than enough to be intriguing on its own. And honestly? It made A-Set a more interesting character for me to consider on all of the routes I spent not hanging out with her.

Routes? That's right, this game has different endings! A handful of main endings, a couple of joke endings, a few bad ends scattered here and there. And it's pretty easy to figure out what route you're on because this game is.... A visual novel! Fully voice acted! Yeah I spent all that time up there rambling about an ARG that a majority of players didn't know about, didn't care about, or came too late to participate in, and only now am I actually going to tell you what kind of game Ai: The Somnium Files even is!

AITSF is a fully voice acted visual novel with multiple endings, starring not A-Set because she's too busy being a teenage internet idol, where you play as Horny Idiot Special Agent Kaname Date. The horny is important - trust me. Date's not alone out on the streets of Japan though, he's got a partner with him at all times who goes by the name of Aiba. I would say she's the brains to his foolishness, but we've all begun to realize the failings of AI and oh yeah! I should probably let you in on that little tidbit too, huh? Aiba, short for Ai-Ball, is an artificial intelligence housed inside of Date's left eye socket who has been his false eye and as his partner for the last five years. Sometimes she looks like a gelatinous hamster. I want. To hold her. So badly. So badly... ;-; I will never know the satisfaction of holding my own treasured eye in the palm of my hand, seeing myself reflected through an eye that is and is not my own, I will never feel her tiny little hamster feet trod across the palms of my hands as she lists off all the bugs she saw that day with her little cheers I will never be able to fail resisting the compulsion to put her in my mouth and swallow and thank everything for that because sometimes that gummy bear looks tasty even though she is literally the color of water and I wish I could tell you what it is but the best I can give you is a shrug and maybe a nickel.

So Date and his eye, Aiba, now that we finally have main characters for this game, are introduced to Problems almost faster than we are introduced to the characters themselves in-game. We've got a corpse on our hands (okay well actually it's in the saddle of a busted-down merry-go-round horse) and it's missing a left eye, and our Boss is looking none-too-pleased to be tromping around in the mud in her heels. From there, I'm sure you can imagine what Date's role is for the rest of this game. Find out who killed this woman, and figure out why everyone's so cagey about that case six years ago that this one is apparently so similar to.

We've got a job now, yay! How do we do it though, other than clicking on every single thing you can see on screen until every character runs out of dialogue, then panning the camera over six inches and repeating the process? There's also the generic "drive to X location" travel option, but neither dialogue decisions or travel choices impact how the story unfolds. That depends entirely on how you handle certain gameplay sections called Psyncs.

I hesitate on what to call psyncs other than what they are. It's not an interrogation, not in a traditional sense. Special Agent Kaname Date is a member of the Advanced Brain Investigation Squad of the Metropolitan Police Department. Members of ABIS use the psync machine to peer into the dreaming minds of people they're investigating in order to advance their investigations. Not great, but honestly probably one of the more ethical settings Uchikoshi has made up. I'm going to level with you - the insanely unethical bullshit that SHOULD NOT fly is most of the reason I come to Uchi games. They're fucking bizarre and there's NO way people signed off on it, and yet somehow????

During normal world investigation and interaction, Date takes the lead. He's got the bigger body of the Date-Aiba duo, and also the advantage of not being Some Annoying Blond Guy's Eye. Aiba will chime in whenever Date is too pervy, too annoying, or A BUG!!!! appears, and will also scatter in commentary to Date while he talks or looks about. During a Psync, this flips completely. Aiba's got herself a snazzy little Human Look, and everyone immediately dubbed her A Shrimp. A Shrimp Wife Who Has My Heart. I would die for her in any form. I love my hamster shrimp wife with glowing hair and a wig that I want to make some day I love her silly puns I lvoe her stupid faces I love how she teases I think it's so funny that she's decided to fuck with Date as part of her job I love how much she cares I lovve her I lvoe her so much she's everything and I would blow myself up for her no questions asked

sorry

anyways. Psyncing. Unethical, but fun! Aiba gets to explore and Date hangs back and plays the chatterbox role this time. For the most part. Aiba has six minutes to run around in whoever's brain, except not actually! Thanks to ABIS's tech guy, Pewter, time only passes normally while you're moving around. As long as you're standing still, time passes at a much, much slower rate. Psyncs are a dive into someone's dreams and psyche, so a wonderful way for a player to look at what makes a character tick. The choices you make in them decide how the story unwinds, and oh my goodness can it unwind. Before the game launched, back when all we had was the ARG's version of Ota (which actually is no different from how he is in game just so you know), I didn't like him. I didn't like him for my first several hours. I full-on sobbed at his ending because of just how HARD it went. And then I went to my next path thinking that surely this one wouldn't make me cry nearly as hard now that I'd gotten it all out early on the worst character, right?

I don't remember how many times I cried over this game and its characters. I'm tearing up now, just thinking of one of my favorite psyncs, one of my favorite somniums. and Now I'm realizing I never chained that final dot. Oops. You're Psynching into their Somnium. That's all. Sorry I forgot, I really didn't mean to. Anyways. The somniums get more and more complex the further in you get, and there were some that I replayed five or six times before I finally cracked them. They still feel good to go back and replay, actually! The complexity is just deep enough between wandering around investigating things, and figuring out how to wander around and investigate them again, but DIFFERENTLY. Because the choices you make set what path the investigation takes, with different paths revealing different clues.

Wonder what that's about.

I think I've just gone and summed up everything but the OST at this point instead of telling you what parts are my favorite. Truth be told? I love it all. Even the music. There's a lot of that, but I'm going to force myself to wrap this post up before the two hour mark even if it kills me and quite honestly there are a few tracks in there that have me tearing up just thinking about them. I'm also tireed of tearing up when I don't even have the game on.

I. I love the game's story. Not all of them, I don't really love any of the endings where Date winds up shot, but I love the big stories and the small. I love the depth and complexity to each individual ending, the way each one can hit differently once you've spent enough time turning them over, and the amount of care the charactters express through the game. They care about each other. Yes in found family no in found family say what you will but the connections between all the individual characters is just chef's kiss perfection. Every time I go back and replay aitsf I go down certain paths first because I care about their stories most. And I still cry.

If you read all this - holy shit. Thakls. I didn't make my deadline ): that's okay though, because I had fun. I'm gonna replay my game. I can't wait

BTW it's got a free demo and is available on pc, switch, ps4, and xboxone(I think? Idk how microsoft does their. naming)~

#I am alsto high so that does not help #don't ask why my everything is so proper up top I do not know #also I would include pictures but that means wrangling my phone #actually you know what #I'vje committed to this hard enough alread I shall not shame myself #even if my spelling is going down by the moment #I’m sorry. I. Am so sleepy. And also the app won’t let me add line breaks and I do not want to get my laptop out from under the bed again #I cannot add image id the traditional way and I am not capable or confident in my ability to add them the other way that tumblr has #oh shoot and jsyk ARG stands for Altered Reality Game #I hope I’m not typing that too late

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katrinayentch · 2 years

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100 Miles on the Wonderland Trail

Earlier this year, during spring 2022, I signed up for two lotteries that would grant me passes to backpack on either The Wonderland Trail or The Enchantments. The Enchantments is 21 miles. The Wonderland Trail is 100.

Guess which lottery I won?

Regardless of whether I thought I could do it or not, winning that lottery gave me no choice but to say yes. The park grants around 600 reservation-based permits every year.

It’s pretty intimidating to organize because you have to reserve all your campsites in advance, and it feels like waiting on your computer browser to register for the best classes you want. To my advantage and blessing, one of my best friends happens to be a map nerd—yup, they’re out there guys. They are out there and thriving! Thanks to his wisdom (and the handy dandy Nat Geo paper maps), after calculating the elevation and terrain of the land, he patiently sat with me on a Saturday morning in April, MONTHS before the start date, to help me pick out the best spots. And so, with five other people crazy enough to join me on this journey, we spent 9 days in August ditching our jobs, phones, and “real-world problems” to conquer 100 miles around the base of Mount Rainier.

We didn’t do any training beforehand. If anything, it was a chance to carb load as hard as we wanted because we knew that we were going to be eating nothing but dehydrated food and Clif Bars—so might as well enjoy what we had now! We even car camped the night before with friends who weren’t joining, destroying breakfast burritos and sipping on beers.

That being said, it was a late and ROUGH start on trail the next day. With unusually hot temperatures, we scaled nearly 2,000 feet of elevation at three in the afternoon, only to go straight back down at a knee-banging angle. Little did we know that that was going to be the pattern for every single day onward. Mosquitos were flying, sweat was compiling, and we didn’t get to our first campsite till after 9 p.m.

Several of us were definitely wondering what the heck we got ourselves into, but as the next couple days continued, we got our “trail legs” on. We learned to wake up before 7:30 and when it was time to go at our own paces. The heat subsided as we reached the northern side of the mountain, with wildflowers in full bloom and black bears grazing on days 3 and 4. The “wonderland” part of the Wonderland Trail began to settle in, and the further I wanted to escape within it. It became odd to hike on stretches of the trail that were open to the greater public of the park. We walked alongside day visitors covered in dirt with our giant backpacks while families and kids were prancing around with ice cold sodas and clothes that didn’t smell of crusty sweat and dust.

I couldn’t tell you how many running jokes came out of the trip, but I can tell you that I probably lost a couple pounds from how hard I laughed throughout The Wonderland Trail. I couldn’t begin to convey to you just how difficult the trail was, even after we had gotten into better shape. There’s 22,000 feet of elevation gain total, which left us with blisters and knee problems left and right. When I’d finally post up for the night (which is NOT right in front of a great view, for any non-backpackers reading this who see picturesque photos of campsites on social media), I’d knock out as soon as my head hit the pillow—and I’m a pretty light sleeper. Yet, despite all of this, I got to bond so deeply with our group, in a way that we will probably never get to do again. 9 days nonstop with the same people. Half of whom didn’t know each other super well prior to this trail. And yet, here we were by the end of it cracking stupid jokes, using the bathroom in front of each other, and just being plain gross together.

So by the time it got to day 7, when several of us were thinking about finishing the trail a day early, I wasn’t ready to leave. This year has probably been one of the most stressful and anxiety-ridden years of my life since 2015. My search for “the next move” in my career and my life begins to weigh on me harder as inflation continues to pressure everyone to do anything to stay afloat, and I’m constantly doubting what I’ve been doing to get where I am today. Being on this hiking trail, in the best shape I’d ever been by the end of it, without a phone whose emails are blowing up, and with some of the most genuine people I’ve ever met, I wasn’t ready to go back into all of that.

Yet, that’s what we ended up doing on the last day. And boy, did it feel good to sit in a car and drive it 10 miles at a quicker pace than it’d take to hike the same distance. We crawled to the McMenamin’s and ate our burgers and drank our beer, as is customary in post-hike culture. We drove home, and as the cold hardwood floors touched my feet, it felt foreign to stand on compared to the soft dirt of the trail. I avoided turning on my phone for hours, already aching at the thought of what might await me on the other end.

So here we are months later, and reflecting on the experience, I wonder why I only backpacked two trails this year. Life during/after/during-after covid has been so fast-paced, everything all at once. As I get older I realize how much harder it’s going to be to get to do things like this; just disappear for awhile, but with people I love.

I still don’t really know what the future holds, but for now I know that I’m capable of doing something as insane as this. And it may indeed continue to be hard to get out there as often as life continues to speed up, but I can’t wait until the next experience, and I will certainly do whatever I can to make sure I never lose those same feelings of escapism and gratitude when I get out there.

#backpacking #wonderland trail #pacific northwest

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nedknickerson · 5 years

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You’re in her dms, I’m making her jealous by hanging out with another girl during my fall break we are not the same

You’re worried about her putting herself in danger working on cases, I’m trying to recruit her to join my new detective agency we are not the same

You’re impressing her by flexing about removing a tree stump from another woman’s yard, I’m showing her my extensive tesserae slide collection we are not the same

#nancy drew #clue crew #midnight in salem #her interactive #mid #this joke has been in my head nonstop I had to post #ned nickerson #frank hardy #jason danforth #phantom of venice #ven #colin baxter #mid spoilers #midnight in salem spoilers

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violetsandfluff · 2 years

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Dying Wish

just a cute lil idea I thought I’d post ;)

background info: Shawn has some sort of minor operation, asks for you when he wakes up, and says some interesting stuff. Honestly, it’s 100% cliché fluff =D requests are open in case you care 💛

You had been waiting for only a little while when the nurse came out to get you. “Good morning, Y/N,” she smiled pleasantly. “Shawn has been asking for you nonstop!”

You followed her down a series of intricately woven hallways and finally wound up in a room with Shawn. He was propped up in the bed, waiting for the anesthesia to wear off. His eyes were closed, but they snapped open at the sound of the nurse’s voice.

“Here she is. I’ll leave you two here for a minute.”

“Babyyyyy,” Shawn gave you an adorable but sleepy smile. He was still clearly fighting the effects of the anesthesia. “I missed youuu.”

“I missed you too, Baby Boy. How are you feeling?”

“Better now that you are here, my love.”

A little smile spread over your lips. “You’re sweet when you’re half asleep,” you joked.

“You were my dying wish, Baby,” Shawn replied, a hurt look on his face.

“Your WHAT?” you exclaimed, trying desperately not to laugh.

A grin tugged at the corners of his lips. “I said what I said.”

“I see,” you ran your fingers through the mess of curls that sat atop his head.

“Hey, Y/NN (nickname?)” before you could answer, he continued. “When we get home, I just wanna cuddle you and hold you in my arms. Then we can watch some romcoms?”

“Aww. Baby,” you almost whispered, thoroughly touched by those simple words. He hated romcoms though you loved them. “Of course. I could definitely use some cuddles.” You were taking full advantage of Shawn being only half-conscious. “I’m gonna need to go in a minute so you can sleep off the rest of the anesthesia, Bubs. Okay?”

“Before you go, Y/N?” He beckoned for you to bend down. He placed a gentle but penetrating kiss to your lips and your heart fluttered.

“Love you,” you said as you left.

Shawn watched you leave with a wistful look in his eyes, but you knew it was for the best. He would sleep, then you would go home and cuddle.

#shawn mendes #fanfic #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes fluff #shawn mendes x y/n #shawn mendes imagine

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toru-oikawas-milkbread · 3 years

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A-Z NSFW Alphabet | Tōru Oikawa

Pairing: Tōru Oikawa x f!reader

Word count: 3.8K

Warnings/contents: Sex, strong language, variety of kinks, 18+

Notes: I finished the love of my life, Tōru Oikawa! You guys have no idea how much fun I had revisiting this chapter and going through all of these answers and adding new thoughts about how he would be in bed. It’s an amazing thing to sit here and think about for 2 and a half hours

In all of my NSFW posts, all of the characters are 18+! If you would like to see my growing list of other Haikyuu boys whenever I add them, you can follow {this link} to my masterlist!

<>~<>~<>

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

He’s needing a lot of aftercare, too. After sex, it’s a mutual sort of thing, the two of you taking care of each other. If it was an extra messy night then the two of you would shower together, washing each others hair and playfully splashing each other with water. Afterwards you would help dress each other, though Oikawa partially just wants to pepper kisses across your shoulder as he helps you slide your shirt on. And then when the two of you get into bed, you’d curl up together and snuggle close after the sheets are changed

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partners)

Theirs: He’s Tōru Oikawa. What is there not to love about himself?

Yours: Much like with himself, Oikawa loves every single inch of you and he makes it very obvious with his nonstop praising. However, if he had to pick a favorite part of your body, he would have to say your eyes. He loves to look into them early in the morning, when you’re catching your breath after a long and passionate kiss, and when he’s fucking you, the eye contact is a crucial part of sex

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Oikawa loves to cum inside of you so that he can make a lot of jokes about how you’re filled to the brim with his seed, and joking about how he’s painting your insides with his color. Cheesy jokes and creampies are two of Oikawa’s favorite things in the bedroom. Occasionally he does like to cum on your legs, watching it slide down your thighs and occasionally even getting between your legs and licking it up and then licking along your clit to put his cum along your folds and “Mix your juices” as he calls it

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He’s a very dirty minded man, so he really doesn’t keep any dirty secrets. He sort of just says whatever is on his mind at any given time. Whether he’s thinking of a new kink or he’s just being a perverted bastard, Oikawa would simply say what he wanted to do and see if you wanted to try it or not

E = Experience (how experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Oikawa knows what he’s doing. He’s good at what he does, and he’s very arrogant about how good he is at what he does in the bedroom. He took time to learn the differences in your body compared to people he hooked up with in the past, but it was as if he’d already half-known your body the first time you had sex because he only had a couple little slip-ups when he found things you didn’t like. After he knew what to do and what not to do, Oikawa got even better

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Oikawa really just likes to be in charge. He likes being on top of you, or having you ride him in a situation he could easily flip the two of you over in and start pounding you down into the bed. As long as he can make you scream his name, he doesn’t necessarily care. Truth be told, one of Oikawa’s favorite positions has always been missionary. He likes to watch your face contort in pleasure and seeing your eyes roll back into your head

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? Are they humorous? etc.)

Mainly he would be a damned tease, but he is also a little bit goofy. Oikawa doesn’t take sex seriously. He jokes around with you a lot, he teases a lot, he talks a lot to you, and he loves to joke around with you to make you laugh and smile during sex. He likes knowing that you’re happy with him above all else, and it gives him an ego boost when you laugh with him just as much as your nails digging into his back does

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Oikawa is a very well put together person, and not to mention he is rather obsessed with himself. I think that Oikawa would shave frequently, not wanting to give himself ingrown hairs but also not wanting to have long, itchy pubic hair. Another bonus is when he’s fucking you, he can feel everything because of the lack of hair

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? The romantic aspect)

At least twice a session in the least, Oikawa will tell you that he loves you in a more serious way than when he’s absentmindedly saying it while he pounds into you. He loves to caress your cheek and kiss your scrunched up nose while he pushes himself inside of you and lets you adjust to his size. He also loves to stare into your eyes, looking at you in a lustful and loving way. Another thing he’s always loved is holding hands with you in missionary while he fucks you

J = Jerk off (masterbation headcanon)

Without an ounce of shame, Oikawa will jerk himself off every single day if he felt the urge to. If you’re sleeping beside him and he’s hard, there’s nothing that’s stopping him from touching himself. He did it for a long time when he was single and he has no shame in doing it again

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Teasing: (Explained below)

Praising: Oikawa has always praised you so much that it’s impossible to be insecure around him. Alongside loving to praise you and make you feel as loved as he can, he loves to be praised in return. He loves it when you stroke his ego. If you don’t praise him back, he’ll pout a little bit. Oikawa calls you “Little cutie,” “Baby,” “Good girl,” “My love,” and “Mine,” though the last is growled almost possessively in your ear after he was made jealous earlier in the day and you have to admit that it makes you that much more wet around him. He speaks very sweetly to you both in the words he uses and in his tone

Light degrading: It isn’t as much as praising, but Oikawa does like to teasingly degrade you. He calls you his little “Slut” or his “Naughty girl.” Often times he adds a “My” before he calls you these things because you’re not just some slut, you’re his slut. Sometimes he can degrade you more when he gets jealous, and like Iwaizumi in his chapter, Oikawa will call you his “Little cumslut” when he’s cumming inside of you

Begging: He loves to make you beg. He’ll make you beg for him to touch you, to finally finger you instead of just gently teasing your clit with his fingers. He’ll make you beg to put his mouth on your pussy instead of just kissing and nibbling on your thighs. He’ll make you beg for him to push himself inside of you instead of slapping his cock against your pussy and asking you how badly you want it inside of you

Edging: Oikawa loves to tease, so edging you is just another way that he can tease you. He won’t do it as much as some of the other characters, because how can he say no when you beg him? He likes to curl his fingers inside of you and rub at that spot inside of you that always makes you cum, stopping just before you cum and making you nearly sob because you’re desperate to cum

Squirting: He will rub fast and hard on your clit, making you gush around his fingers and soak the bed beneath your body. He’ll chuckle at you, coaxing you to keep squirting with his touch and the sexy tone of his teasing voice as he asks you if it feels good, knowing damn well you can’t answer when he’s making you gush like this

Overstimulation: Oikawa is very into overstimulating you. He loves to make you sob in pleasure, tears streaming down your cheeks as your eyes squeeze shut so tight you see stars as the man continues to move inside of you as your pussy clenches around his cock, unable to cum anymore and you can hardly even moan anymore because you’re so lost in the pleasure

Marking/biting: Especially when it comes to bite marks on your thighs, Oikawa loves to mark up your body. He’ll leave small hickey’s along your collarbone and bigger hickey’s on your breasts. He likes to look at the marks every time you have sex. He’ll press little kisses to each mark before giving you a new mark somewhere on your body, whether that be a hickey on your breasts or a bite mark on your thigh when he’s eating you out. He also likes it when you mark him back, hickey’s on his chest, bite marks on his thighs, and scratches on his back

Choking: He knows just where to grab your neck to make your head go woozy while he’s making out with you. He applies the right amount of pressure, swirling his tongue around your own and earning a moan from you because of the way his fingers squeezed gently at your throat. He mainly only chokes you while the two of you are making out, but sometimes when you’re in missionary he’ll gently choke you and kiss your throat below his hand while he rocks his hips softly against yours as you adjust to his size. Sometimes when he’s eating you out he’ll slide his hand along your body and choke you while he’s between your legs

Cockwarming: Oikawa would lay back on the bed and pat his legs, making you think that he wants you to ride him. Once you get all of him inside of you and are adjusting to his size, he would put his hands on your hips and tell you to hold still. You’d be confused at first, but his thumb would press to your clit and he would softly rub on it, making you clench around his cock and earning a moan from the man. He’d love it if you were to wear a skirt and sit on his lap beneath a blanket while the two of you watch a movie, clenching around him with every shift from either of you and occasionally letting him rub your clit to make you that much more tight around his cock. He would kiss your neck and make you more wet while the movie played, earning moans from you that in return made him more hard

Clothes: Especially if he was feeling possessive or jealous, Oikawa would love to fuck you in either one of his hoodies or a shirt of his. He would rest his head against your shoulder while he fucks you in missionary, the smell of you rubbing off on his shirt and filling his senses with both of your scents as you clench around him and help remind the man that you’re his and not someone else’s

Consensual somno (sex on a sleeping/sleepy person): Oikawa loves somno. He loves to wake you up with his face between your legs on the weekend mornings. He loves kissing your neck and hearing your soft, sleepy moans while the man rubs his fingers against your clit or gently shoves his middle finger inside of your pussy. He would love to wake up with your mouth around his cock as well

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

#1: The bedroom. It’s a classic. There’s a lot of room. It’s comfortable and he can put the pillow beneath your head while he eats you out and wrap a blanket around you when you’re feeling self-conscious of your body. He also likes the bedroom for the fact that the two of you could either go to the bathroom to shower or you could curl up in each others arms right after having sex and go straight to sleep

#2: The locker rooms at his gym. He isn’t necessarily sure why, but he’s always sort of been turned on having sex with you in a place that it was very possible you might get walked in on. While you were anxious about the idea, you still did it with him, biting down on his shoulder to keep quiet while he fucked you against the locker and made you squirt around his cock

M = Motivation (what turns them on/gets them going?)

The sound of your skin slapping together has always made Oikawa’s mind run wild as things got sweaty, fast, and passionate. He also likes the sound of the headboard hitting the wall at a steady pace as he’s fucking you, mixing with your moans of his name. He loves to be close to you, feeling the way your body is squirming beneath him on the bed as your moaning starts to get weak when you’re close to cumming. I think in a way, Oikawa is attracted to the sound of his own moans as well

N = No (something they wouldn’t do/turn offs)

Oikawa would let you do a lot of things to him, but there are also a lot of things that he wouldn’t do with you. It depends on what it is you’re wanting to do to him. Really not much could turn Oikawa off. He’s a pretty sexual man, and when it comes to you he’s not really turned off unless you didn’t want him that way at that time

O = Oral (preferences in giving/receiving, skill, etc.)

He loves to eat you out. He loves it when you sit on his face and he can massage your ass while you’re shifting on top of him, especially if you were to lean down and suck on his cock at the same time. Otherwise he loves to massage your breasts while he sucks on your clit and looks up at your face while he’s beneath you. He also loves to wrap your legs around his shoulders while you’re laying on the bed and go to town on your pussy, holding you close to him every time you writhe and squirm and seem to pull away, he only pulls you closer, overstimulating you with his mouth

As much as he loves to eat you out, he loves to get his cock sucked. He wouldn’t make you, but he would ask you to, and if you just did it he would fall even more for you because he knows that a lot of girls don’t like to suck dicks. He loves it when you sit on his face and suck his cock because he can feel the vibrations from your moans around his shaft. He also likes it when you suck him off while he drives. He’s good at one handed driving from always holding onto your thigh or fingering you, so he will hold your hair back for you

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Sometimes he’ll start slower, especially if the tone set for the night was more sensual and loving or if you were needing reassurance. He would take things gentle with you if he sensed that you needed it, because as much as he loves rough sex, Oikawa is the king of gentle, loving sex. If the two of you were on a normal night, he would slowly move himself to let you adjust to his size, peppering kisses across your face and telling you that you’re taking him so well as he slowly rocks his hips against yours. And on nights he’s more jealous or possessive feeling, he just sort of preps you a lot, puts some lube on, and rams it inside of you in doggy

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Oikawa loves quickies. As much as he loves to have long, passionate sex with you, there’s something about a good quickie he just can’t pass up. Whether you be at a restaurant together, before you even leave your apartment to go to dinner, in-between classes at college or his volleyball matches, etc. He likes to make you struggle to keep quiet while he’s fucking you in a public restroom, holding you up in his arms against the wall with his fingers in your mouth to keep you quiet as he softly moans in your ear

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? Do they take risks? etc.)

So long as you’re willing to give the things he comes up with a shot, he would like to try some new things. Of course the second it brings you any kind of serious discomfort, he’ll stop. He checks on you a lot when you’re trying new things, not wanting you to keep quiet because you think he likes it when you hate it or it’s even causing you any pain. He notices the shifts in your moans when you go from pleasurable to uncomfortable

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? How long do they last?)

Oikawa has quite a bit of stamina. Between rounds he would either slowly make out with you or he would eat you out. He can hold himself back for a surprisingly long time, but once he really needs you, he needs you. Oikawa can go about 4 rounds before he himself is too overstimulated and can’t go anymore, however he wouldn’t necessarily complain if you weren’t done and wanted to ride his cock. The two of you are usually in the bedroom for a good two and a half hours on a regular basis with all the teasing Oikawa does

T = Toys (do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

He would love, love, love to use a vibrator on you. He teases you with it, keeping it pressed to your clit while his tongue laps at your entrance and swirls around as deep as he can push it inside of you. He would hold it to your clit while he fucked you with your legs up on his shoulders, or he might make you hold it to your clit and stop moving if it slips off. He would hold it to your clit while you were riding him, though especially if he were to make you sit there on his cock and not move for a few minutes just to have the vibrator on your clit so he could feel your pussy clenching around him. He would also make you hold it to your clit while you’re in doggy, face pressed down to the bed by Oikawa and leaving you a moaning mess as you gush around his cock thanks to the added stimulation on your clit as he pounds into you. Oikawa would also like to fuck you with a dildo while he sucks and licks on your clit, edging you and bringing the vibrator up to your clit while he fucks you with the dildo so he can move to suck on your nipples or kiss you

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Oikawa is the king of teasing, but he doesn’t so much like it when you give him a taste of his own medicine. Oikawa would edge you for hours, making you beg him for things, making you moan his name so loudly the neighbors might hear. However, if you were to stroke his ego enough, he would do whatever the fuck you want. No begging needed if you were to look at him with pleading eyes and tell him how badly you want his fat cock inside of you before he even makes you ask for it

V = Volume (how loud are they? What sounds do they make?)

He makes a lot of noise. On top of being very talkative in bed, both in the sense of dirty talk and just talking to you, he moans a lot. Your name, how it feels, whiny moans and some high loud moans that make your pussy wet, some deeper moans that come from the back of his throat and make your heart race. He always moans that he’s going to cum soon and when he’s cumming. He always calls you by lots of different nicknames, and he is not at all afraid to moan in your ear

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He giggles between kisses. Not even only in the bedroom, but when he’s innocently kissing you on the sofa in the living room and you lick his lip or put your hand on his thigh. Or when the two of you are in the kitchen and you’re sitting on the counter with your legs around his waist and your hands in his hair. He can’t help but break a few kisses with cute little laughs either at something you do, merely the joy he feels in the moment, or because your hair tickled him. He would try and kiss you again, but you’d giggle back with him and only make him laugh more, ending up in the two of you breaking kiss after kiss with soft laughs and smiles that come back brighter each time that your lips touch

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Oikawa’s dick isn’t as thick as some of the other guys, almost pretty skinny, but it’s long. His dick is about 6.9 inches long. Oikawa is a very clean man and he takes care of himself very well, all thanks to his ego, so you can know that he’s shaved and smells good down there. Oikawa is healthy, drinking lots of water and eating good foods to stay in shape, as well as very frequently working out with his team. Because of this, Oikawa’s cum is actually pretty sweet. He’s always been good with his dick, leaving you an overstimulated, panting mess in the best way possible

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Oikawa is so horny. He would never pressure you if you weren’t in the mood, but all you have to do is hint that you are and he would push you back onto the bed or push you up against the wall with no hesitation at all

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

After the two of you help take care of each other and get all curled up in bed, Oikawa falls asleep pretty fast. He’s usually spooning you, a hand slid up between your breasts and your body snug against his own. He’ll press a kiss to your shoulder, whisper a soft goodnight to you, and close his eyes. Once he starts to get tired, he’s out of it, sleepily talking back to you if you couldn’t sleep, but otherwise making little to no sense aside from his whispers of how much he loves you

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annemagus · 3 years

Text

natural love potion; h.p.

Pairing: harry potter x fem!Gryffindor!reader Timeline: HBP / 6th year Warning(s): cussing, mentions of dying and blood, submission, reader pining Word Count: 5k

A/N: Hey there! This is my first ever post. I would love to hear your thoughts!

Harry and Y/N are friends. Just friends. Much like Harry and Hermione, there is nothing out of it that is going on between them. Not until that day in potions.

—

“Are you done with my potion?“

“You mean, will Professor Slughorn call you by your name? Then yes, Wallenby.“

It was the first week of another year at Hogwarts. New faces, new prefects and even new professors are introduced, as usual. Professor Slughorn is the newest addition to the faculty and to have a good first impression with the students, he's given the 6th years Amortentia, the love potion, as their first Potions homework.

They were supposed to put it in their selected food or drink and it had to be unnoticeable. Why would the Potions Teacher assign this kind of homework to the students? No one knows. But this certainly gave him a good first impression to a large number of students.

“Blimey Harry, we've been rotten at Potions ever since. Now look at you, it's as if you've taken private lessons with Snape the whole summer. You’re the bloody Potions Master in our year now!“

The two Gryffindors are making their way out of their dorm room towards the Common Room with Harry holding a small basket of cookies to bring it in the dungeons where the potions classroom is at. Y/N is patiently waiting for them near the Portrait as several students greet her along the way.

"G'morning."

“Where’s ‘Mione?“ Ron exclaimed without even acknowledging the girl’s presence.

“Uhm, shouldn't you know that, Mr Prefect?"

The male prefect then realized the time and his supposed agenda to escort first years to the Great Hall. Harry scolded him of how much he and others would kill to be in his position and yet he’s never given it any importance.

“Godric, have mercy on me. Hermione’s gonna kill me!” the redhead exclaimed after getting a playful slap behind his head from the Chosen One before rushing away from the two.

“Much worse than that, she’s gonna make him expelled,“ she jokes with a mouthful of cookie from the small basket Harry was holding. "Mhm, you have no idea how badly I've been craving cookies since last week! This is good, Har. Where’d ya buy it?“

Harry, before realizing what happens, freezes. He was too busy lecturing his best friend that he didn't notice a hand sneaking into his potion, the cookie. His hand slowly snakes its way to the contents of the basket that has supposedly four cookies but now has only three. “Y/N!“

"What?" she chuckles dreamily.

"We need to get you to the Hospital Wing."

“What for? You put poison in it, didn't you?“ Y/N continues to chuckle dreamily.

Harry stares at his friend as if she was some peculiar experiment. “How are you feeling, Y/N?“

“I feel like . . .“ she sighs dramatically as she gazes far away, mesmerized. The effects are plainly obvious. “I feel like falling.“

“Falling?“ Harry's stomach twisted. This is what makes Potions classes bothersome, the uncertainty of knowing whether the potion you brew is right or wrong. You can only know it if you’re a professional or by testing the potion done, which in Harry’s case, Y/N would do for him.

"I'm falling in love, Harry. I'm falling in love with you."

And boy was he really the Potions Master.

The raven-haired boy's cheeks got warm the second those words escaped his friend's lips. The two are only friends and have never acted more than that. Seeing this new side of Y/N for Harry is too foreign for him.

Sure, Harry has seen her date two boys from different houses, but being the recipient of her romantic antics has never crossed his path. His last romantical relationship, if you can call it that, was last year with the senior Ravenclaw Cho Chang. Even that didn't go well. He went on a single date with her just to make her believe he's in love with both Hermione and Y/N. Ever since then, he never thought about committing to any romantic relationship.

"Harry . . ." Y/N's hand reached out for his arm, grazing down slowly towards his hand with too much delicacy. Their hands are now intertwined. The both of them have never reached this close proximity, having learned now that one of his best friend's palms are soft but slightly calloused in the fingertips from playing muggle instruments and Harry fears that when Ron finds out about this act, he will tease them nonstop which isn't fair for Y/N. ". . . I know this may sound all too sudden, but, I have loved you ever since."

He didn't respond. He tries to block all of this sudden affection out of his mind knowing these are all artificial.

"Don't you love me back?"

"Of course I do. You're my best frie-"

If his cheeks were warm, now, his ears as well are on fire. Y/N has thrown herself to the flustered boy, locking his neck and face in her arms, squealing in happiness like a kid. Holding hands is a new thing for The Boy Who Lived but hugging him as if to let the world know he's someone's is another thing.

Very few people have ever hugged him in all the history of his 16 years of existence, knowing the story of his parents and the lack thereof. His godfather, Mrs Weasley and Hermione are the only ones — as far as he knows — written in a tiny piece of parchment of the list of people who have hugged him. Yet none of them could compare to this hug as those mentioned acted parental towards him.

Students are now starting to pass them out of the Common Room towards the Great Hall. One of those shouted, "get a room!" They're still standing just beside the Portrait Hole where Ron has left them both to deal with his own romance.

"Uhm, Y/N, why don't we go get ourselves some breakfast first, yes?"

"Yes! Let's tell 'Mione and Ron that we're finally together!"

—

Breakfast was agonizingly slow, to Harry's opinion. Y/N can't stop giggling beside him and feeding him like an infant earning them attention from the others.

"Oi, Potter! Didn't know that you two are . . ."" Seamus makes a kissing face earning a few cackles and sniggers from their other friends at the table.

The boy just ignored them with an eye roll, amusing the two friends in front of him.

"Leave them be, Harry. Besides, when was the time Y/N acted on you this way, huh?" They all diverted their gaze to the dazed girl. Eyebrows knitted in concentration as she feeds him but at the same time doing her best to get as close to Harry as the universe could possibly give her the opportunity to. They've never seen her this in love and affectionate. And the two thought that Harry just deserves it even just for a while. "Never, right? You better make it worthwhile."

"Thanks, Ron. Really helpful." He answered with his famous eye-roll.

"Always here for you, mate "

"I just don't get why we couldn't tell Professor Slughorn immediately. I mean, I'm sure he has something for Y/N. Or Madam Pomfrey-"

"Yeah? In which I'm sure is also your easiest ticket to detention."

The boy grunts some incoherent words of profanities under his breath. Not only was he getting embarrassed by the fact that one of his close friends is acting like his girlfriend but dragging Y/N along with his catastrophic life is just too unfair on her side. She didn't ask for this. Plus, detention in the second week of a new school year doesn't sound good.

The Brightest Witch reminded them not to take Potions lightly. It may sound like not the most helpful subject in a wizarding war, but can get you expelled once meddled with students. In short, what happened to Y/N is very illegal. You should not use or test your Potions project with another student. Plus, Filch will go nuts if he gets the news that a student gave another student a love potion.

“Well, at least, now we know that your Potion worked well.”

"Come on, we're going to be late for DADA."

On their way towards Snape's classroom — a fact Harry still can't accept — Y/N's fingers are interlaced with Harry's as they walk. She's given him her bag as that's what boyfriend and girlfriends do. In the classroom, Y/N didn't sit in her usual spot but literally kicked Ron out of his chair to sit beside Harry, the boy just mouths a sorry.

Her usual focus from the class was now inclined to Harry himself alone the whole class. Out of all their major subjects, Harry is known to have the Defence Against the Dark Arts class on top of it all. Y/N knows it, having been a member of Dumbledore's Army. Everybody knows it. But with Snape being the teacher and Y/N constantly caressing his left cheek every time Snape's back faces them, the said subject is somehow kicked out of its place on top.

"Y/N, do you mind?" He tried but obviously failed to ask her to stop in the nicest way he can utter. "I mean, it'll be really hard for us to pass DADA, and eventually NEWTs, if we're both distracted." His voice is hoarse and soft, one way or another. Afraid to hurt the girl beside him and cause a scene. Letting his former Potions Professor know his mischief doing is the least of his priorities for the day. Merlin, at least, let this day finish without anyone knowing.

"Harry, my love, it's not my fault your eyes are distracting. They're the most beautiful green not even the most beautiful forest in the world could compare to."

Once again, his cheeks and ears are on fire for the 37th time this morning. Most of the reasons are from the nonstop compliments he's receiving from the girl. It didn't take much energy from him to not believe all of it. He grew up with the Dursleys, they didn't fail to engrave in his mind his place and worth.

"Care to share in class what you're chattering about, Mr Potter?" The elder snarled in the middle of his discussion, letters extending out of his tongue as per usual. He finally notices, as always, Harry making another noise across the room.

"Nothing, Professor."

The said Professor narrowed his eyes to the duo. He knows, of course, he knows, he was a bloody Potions Professor ever since he accepted the job offered to him at Hogwarts.

"I'm saying this once and only once," he positioned himself in front of the two, now leaning to the Gryffindor boy to let just the two hear what he'll say. "Fix this, or you will face more vile punishment than getting expelled."

The class was dismissed with 50 points taken from Gryffindor. Harry is used to it, even his other fellow Gryffindors weren't surprised anymore. As a matter of fact, as long as he is breathing, infinite points will be deducted from their house.

As they were heading out of the classroom, Hermione gently peels the zonked out Y/N away from her grasp on the poor boy. "Harry, you can't let the other teachers know about this."

"Well, what do you suggest then?"

The next words that came out of her lips are like caffeine to the sleepy heads of Harry and Ron. They could not believe she could say such things. Even Y/N would have been gobsmacked if she just wasn't in a daze.

"Don't go to classes?" Her tone was laced with uncertainty. But she couldn't think of any other option, she'd rather let them take a day off classes than have Harry nor Y/N expelled.

"Can I come with them?"

—

Harry Potter's Monday was bizarrely different from his usual ones. He has spent the whole day with Y/N trailing behind him like a baby duck. His hand used to be sweaty the whole time with her's but now, it felt more comforting than awkward interlocked with his.

The castle was quiet, with all the students in class, it gave him privacy and away from the prying eyes of malicious gossipers. They couldn’t get inside the Common Room as some 7th years are hanging there knowing they have fewer classes and more time for reviewing for their NEWTs, library; some teachers roam around there, Hagrid’s Hut; knowing Hagrid, as much as they love the guy, couldn’t keep his mouth shut from secrets.

As much as he dreads going to class all the time, it was strange to see the castle this quiet without Ron’s company.

He was throwing pebbles by the lake to pass time as Y/N sat on the ground behind him, making them their Charms essay homework.

The boy studies her features. Y/N wasn’t so bad. Her hair’s tidier than Hermione’s. She was actually beautiful. He would’ve taken her to the Yule Ball when Ravenclaw Cho Chang declined his invitation and if it wasn’t for that Slytherin bloke asking her out instantly - her first ex-boyfriend who Y/N dated a few months back. Her hair tucked in her ear as she focuses on what to write next in her essay. Harry feels bad for making her write his homework but the girl insisted. Guess you’d do anything for the people you love.

He looks back on the lake. Thinking of the people who have loved him did everything they could to protect him, even dying. First, his parents, then Sirius even Jesus, what did he do to deserve this fate. What good will it be if the people he loves are gone?

Two arms wrapped around his chest from behind startled him.

“You’re tense.” Y/N’s hand unwrapped his bloodied hand. He didn’t even notice he was gripping the stone tightly, his scarlet blood staining the object.

“It’s nothing.“ He cranes his neck to stare at the girl on his right shoulder. Her eyes are full of concern and love. Love that he created out of a goddamn potion for a goddamn homework. A love that could never be compared to the love of his parents and Sirius. A goddamn false love. His brows knitted before jumping out of Y/N’s embrace with panic.

“I think we can go inside now.“

The rest of the day consists of Harry, trying to ignore all of Y/N’s pining over him. He tries to remember that all of these are not her fault, there’s nothing to get mad at her about. Running away from her is also impossible as she committed herself to cling to Harry’s arm as if her life depends on it.

Finally, classes are over and dinner is approaching. The two are reunited with Hermione and Ron in a secluded area of a random hallway, as Harry was hoping to get less attention from other students as they got earlier at breakfast.

“How are the love birds?“ Ron teases, seeing their hands locked still.

“Oh, it was majestic, Ron! Harry took me to the Black Lake even though today was a school day. I feel a little rebellious, to be honest.“

“Good hiding spot.“ Hermione commented.

“I’m not going to the Great Hall for dinner. So you two can bring Y/N instead.“

“No! I’m coming with you!“

“Y/N aren’t you tired of my company yet?“

“I could never! I love you.“

Ron snickered pretty loudly in front of them, even Hermione couldn’t suppress a smile.

“Aren't you two just adorable?” the redhead continues to tease.

“Don’t worry Harry, Ron and I will bring you supper instead.“

The day has finally ended and the effects of the Amortentia, as what the favourite book of Harry says, wears off after 24 hours. It was past Y/N’s get up time but fortunately for them, she took her time sleeping exactly until the effects wore off.

She moans with pain as she tries to sit up from her bed.

"How are you feeling?"

"'Mione?"

"It's me."

"I feel like a full construction site is inside my head . . . and I feel awful. Like, waking up on the wrong side of the wrong bed."

"Do you feel anything . . . unusual? Like, something or particularly someone you want to obsess about?"

The girl looks at her strangely and then at the time. "Bloody heck Hermione, aren't we late for breakfast?"

Clearly, Y/N remembers none from the incident.

Meanwhile, at the Great Hall, Harry is tapping his leg out of anxiousness. If his Amortentia was too strong and didn’t ease away, he might as well pack his belongings and leave Hogwarts voluntarily. His precious book from the Half-Blood Prince has mentioned the cure for a love potion but the ingredients are only held by the Potions Teacher. The horrors there will be once he mentions this to a teacher is unimaginable, he’d rather spend the day with a dazed Y/N than get lectures from a teacher.

“Don’t worry about your girlfriend, mate,“ Ron’s words are muffled from a chicken leg in between his teeth from across him. “They’re here.“

Across the Hall, the two girls are striding towards their place.

“Why are you at my seat?”

“Uhhh . . .” stammering, Ron glances at Harry for help. They were normally sitting beside each other but after the incident yesterday, they thought Y/N would love to sit next to the Golden Boy. “I-I don’t know either,“ just sliding to his side to make room for the two.

“How are you feeling, Y/N?“ Harry asks the dishevelled looking girl in front of him. Both Hermione and Ron - who are sitting side by side - are listening to the exchange intently.

“Honestly, I feel bad. Like, subconsciously, I know this day would be so bad,” Y/N sighs depressingly. “Why, are you alright?“

“Yeah,” deep inside the boy, a strong wave of relief passed him. His body was cold from the nerves, but knowing his Amortentia had finally worn off, those nerves were showered off of him with a warm relieving feeling. “Actually, I’ve never been better.”

“Well, at least one of us has woken up on the right side of the bed.“ she chuckles half-heartedly. Harry felt guilty hastily after hearing those words. It’s all your fault dipshit.

As Y/N is back to sitting beside Hermione, she is also back to her normal self. Talking to her alone about their Charms homework that she never remembers making and some other random stuff that the boys could not give a care about. She was back to not paying any attention to the Golden Boy at the front who she absentmindedly know is staring at her.

Morning supper was finished and the quartet is now in Snape’s classroom. Y/N was back to sitting beside the cute Hufflepuff guy she's been crushing on and Harry is back stuck with his blabbering best friend.

As Snape discusses some more non-verbal spells and the techniques, he takes time to stop rounding the class in front of Y/N who was again, back to her normal self, her focus never leaving the Teacher. He stares at her, looking past her eyes and seeing that his student’s consciousness is back before trudging towards Harry and Ron.

“10 points from Gryffindor,” he grunted under his breath, which actually is the first compliment Harry has ever received from the elder man.

Classes ended and dinner came, Harry finds himself staring at the girl in front of him. She was talking to Seamus, one of their good friends, chatting and laughing with him as if he'd said the funniest joke ever told. The food on his plate has long been forgotten.

"Quit staring, you creep."

Harry looks back at his best friend beside him with a mixture of confusion. "Don't tell me you think I wouldn't notice."

What the boy was talking about, he has no idea.

"When will you tell Y/N?" Again, he replied with a look. "About the incident, of course."

Harry wasn't planning on ending his friendship with Y/N because of his carelessness. He could've just sealed the cookies in a jar or box so no one could see it, but no. He had to display it for the world to see. Hermione disagrees with his plan, of course.

The three of them found the perfect time to be alone in the common room, students are still chatting and scampering about their day anywhere but their dorms. So they decided then, to tell Y/N what happened.

"So that's why I felt bad. Isn't that the after-effects of Amortentia?"

Three heads nodded in front of her, studying her features.

"Well, I'm glad it was you, Harry. Could you imagine if it was Ron?" Y/N visibly grimacing at the thought. "But to be honest, it was all my fault. I should've asked you first before eating it. Thank you for being honest with me, Harry."

It wasn’t really what the boy was expecting as a response. He was anticipating more anger or embarrassment from the girl.

Their usual cycle is back. Y/N was completely Y/N Y/L/N again it's as if nothing happened. The four of them never mentioned the incident again and Harry catches himself being disturbed with that. It made him feel some things like shouldn’t Y/N be shy around me? Or shouldn’t Ron tease us still about what happened? Or shouldn’t Hermione lecture us and watch over us more to not repeat the incident again? These thoughts run through his head as every day passes.

He also catches himself getting extra angrier at the Hufflepuff boy, Y/N’s crushing about, every time they have a Quidditch tournament. Especially that time when she barges in the Common Room pretty loudly yelling at everyone that she got a date with the cute Hufflepuff.

“Y/N can you help me find a good present for Mrs Weasley’s birthday on our next Hogsmeade trip?” He tried, one Friday morning, to get in between them.

“Of course, Harry! But, can we do it after my date?“

“Right . . . you have a date.” Sounding a tad bit more disappointed than he really is.

“But,” Y/N responded with the syllable dragging along “I could tell him to go on the next visit instead and spend the day with my best friend?”

“Oh no, I don’t want you to cancel your date because of me.”

“Harry, I could even cancel my Charms class, Godric knows how much I love that class but, that’s beside the point. What I’m saying is that I’m here for you. Also, we’ve barely hung out anymore ever since you’ve been the, what does Ron call it, ah, the Potions master!”

“Not you too!” he playfully grunted all too loudly earning a laugh from the girl.

"Seriously, I would love to come with you.”

He never thought he'd say this but he misses Y/N. His Y/N, who cannot keep her hands to herself but Harry’s.

And before he could stop himself from getting deeper into his thoughts, he was left astounded. To his knowledge, all feelings he has for his best friend are only platonic but here he is, couldn't stop himself from the thoughts of Y/N. The way she used to have her focus engraved to the boy alone and him alone. It gives him so much angst every time Y/N hasn't given him enough attention for the day.

If this stupid Amortentia incident leads him into any feelings he'd be in deep shit.

Because Harry should not be bothered to get distracted. Quidditch season is starting, he's got new people relying upon his captainship. Besides Y/N has her eyes on someone else and he cannot risk losing their friendship knowing his feelings aren't being reciprocated.

Well there it is, he's already in deep shit.

So when their first game arrived playing against Slytherin, he is rather surprised to see Ron winning them a high rank.

He knows he deserved the glory that's why as the captain of the team, he let them have the post quidditch game party in their common room. The parties were usually lead by the twins, but knowing they're already gone, he didn't know that his fellow housemates apprehended their festivities.

"Weasley! Weasley!"

They watch as Ron finally gets recognition for his own efforts alone. Y/N was nowhere to be found, probably with her new boyfriend, and Hermione was shattered when Lavender Brown smothered Ron with kisses.

The two are in a random staircase trying to comfort one another. He doesn't know who needs more comforting, Hermione or him. Knowing he already lost someone who's never his also shattered his heart.

"How does it feel, Harry? When you see Y/N with another guy?"

To say that he's dumbfounded was an understatement. He couldn't be that careless with his so-called feelings now, is he?

"I know. I see the way you look at her. You two are my best friend."

He dreaded this conversation happening. The Golden Boy has never intended on developing feelings toward his friend. Unlike Hermione and Ron, the two have been having this romantical tension ever since their first year. His feelings toward Y/N is purely conjured by an incident they never dared to speak about. The boy believes that these stupid feelings of him will only break their friendship and Harry's not risking that.

"Why don't you try something?" Hermione is always the one they go to whenever they need help and whenever they're clueless about the next step. But this, this advice of hers is definitely one Harry's scared to listen to. "Hufflepuff boy is still not making any moves yet. You know, you're valid to think about yourself too. You've always thought about the others, you always prioritize us before yourself. You deserve to live too, Harry."

So Harry did listen.

In the Great Hall, he confided himself to sit beside Y/N all the time. Hermione doesn't mind the changes in their seating arrangement as she gets to sit with Ron anyway, so candidly speaking, it is a win-win situation for everybody.

He starts small, playfully feeding her (the way she used to), talking and listening to her talk about life in general. When they were walking towards their class, he would always offer to carry her bag, in which he never really waits for her response. Intermittently inviting her to do homework by the lake alone together. And every time they have Hogsmeade visits, he would buy her sweets at Honeydukes.

And Y/N notices. It didn't really take her long before she sees. She has convinced Hermione one night to tell her of her doings that day she was under Amortentia. Harry's new behaviour towards her has perfectly mirrored the story Hermione has told her.

Little did Harry know, the feelings eventually have been mutuals.

So when the Golden Boy was informed of this Christmas Party Professor Slughorn has assembled, he didn't hesitate to ask Y/N in an instant, too afraid that Yule Ball night might happen again. He was, for once, too grateful to be part of the Slug Club as Hufflepuff Boy was not part of it. Now that just minimizes his crush problem.

He has seen her in a ball gown back in their fourth year for their Yule Ball. But he never got the chance to be the one standing beside her throughout the night but now, tonight, he feels like the luckiest man.

Standing on the top of the stairway from the girls' dorm room was his best friend he never had feelings before until this year. She wasn't wearing the grandest of gown there is but this simple dress enhanced her features. She was walking down the stairs with a smile that gave a huge impact on how she looks. She was literally glowing.

"Hi."

"Y/N," he breathed, completely in awe of what feelings do to people.

He always sees Y/N every day, talks to her and laughs with her. She sees her perfectly like what normal best friends do. But after developing feelings for her, his mind is persuaded that she was the most beautiful person that walked on the planet.

Harry is infatuated. He felt as if he was under some spell. Is this how Y/N sees him, all those times she was under the love potion?

But Harry was sure, a hundred per cent, that this is not artificial feelings. He really likes her.

So after a very successful Christmas date, with Hermione being their third wheel, the two were back from being hip to hip. Harry was glad his Y/N is back. He's been wearing the pride of not having to use a love potion to get her back beside him. Because this time, Harry did not create an artificial love to make the girl he likes, like him back. This time, he did it right. He just needed to wait for the right time and place to ask her.

Christmas has passed and Harry's time is also running fast. Of course, his special assignment with Dumbledore has never left his mind. He would do the subtle talks with Professor Slughorn here and there. He felt as if he's running out of ideas to get what he needed and to make things worse, the Potions Master is already growing annoyed with him.

"Still no luck with Slughorn, then, I take it?"

"Luck . . . That's it. All I need's a bit of luck."

That evening, Harry was away the whole time. He missed dinner but Y/N waited on him in the common room. She knows that the Felix Felicis potion has no limits. Whatever the user's deepest desires, it will help give it to them. Y/N knows that at this very moment, Harry succeeded. She makes sure that there will be someone waiting on him to celebrate it with him.

Harry came back from the Headmaster's office bearing a report about Slughorn's memory with Tom Riddle. There, in the Gryffindor Common Room, he sees her sleeping in one of the tables far back. It was not hard to see her, with the time obviously past bedtime, she was all alone.

With the liquid luck still pumping in his veins, he rushed to her. Kneeling in front of her, the Golden Boy then gently wakes the girl up.

"Harry?"

"Y/N . . . I think I'm falling"

"Falling? What falling? Are you experiencing vertigo right now? Anxiety?"

"Worse than those."

And Y/N, moving on from her sleeping state, was now fully aware of where the conversation was going. She holds his inviting hand. "What is it, Harry?"

"Love . . . I'm falling in love."

Y/N smiles at how adorable the boy is looking right now. His hair is ever so dishevelled and his lips as red as cherry. He was the most oblivious boy she knows. Has only dated one yet here he is, kneeling in front of her. Confessing.

She knows that Felix is helping him with some luck because knowing the sober Harry, he would never be bold enough to say such things. Little did Harry know, he need not some luck as she was all too blessed to have him in her life. Because to Y/N's honest opinion, in this room, she was the luckiest.

"I'm falling in love with you, Y/N."

—

(Shamefully) tagging these amazing ppl: @harryjamespotterxreader @harrypotterxx @catching-the-train-to-hogwarts

646 notes · View notes

eeunoia · 3 years

Text

ENHYPEN Imagines

pairing: lee heeseung x reader

summary: being the most popular students in your school, everyone can’t help but to ship heeseung and you. it was okay for you since you really like him but heeseung was just okay with it because of the benefits he gets from it.

word count: 6.4k

warnings: extra spicy and cursing

a/n: here’s heeseung’s version of niki’s concept in campus heart-throb. I will maybe post Sunoo’s after posting his prince one shot. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this one because I actually had fun. ksksksk have a nice day 🌸

“y/n, how about you? will you be at the game later?” one of your classmates suddenly had asked you while you’re at the library.

It was library period and you were just silently reading a book while some of your classmates were chatting at the table where you’re sitting.

Your head raised up to face them and you already saw all of their eyes darted at you. “What kind of question was that? Of course y/n will be there. Her Heeseung will be playing, right?” one of them answered even before you can talk.

They cheered and even showed you a teasing smile. You can’t help a smirk to spread across your face after hearing how they address Heeseung as yours.

The librarian shushed you that made you chuckle and you signaled to them to just be quiet. They let out small giggles as they decided to talk more quietly again. You, on the other hand was thinking about Lee Heeseung.

A small smile was still plastered over your face as you think about him. He’s one of the most popular student in your school, president of the student council and captain of the basketball team. He was indeed the ideal type and everyone in the academy knows him.

Girls also go crazy for him but they can only stare from a far since you exist. Students in your school was shamelessly shipping the two of you with each other. They think you’ll both make a perfect couple.

You’re labeled as one of the prettiest girl in your campus. Smart, from a well-known family, and captain of the campus cheerleaders. Just like Heeseung, boys at your school adores you but they don’t even bother as they know you were already his.

It’s all almost perfect except for one tiny thing... Lee Heeseung doesn’t like you. If you’re crazy for him, he don’t even feel anything for you.

You were snapped back from reality when someone gently taps your shoulder. And when you look over the girls at your table, they have this teasing smile so you already have a clue who it was.

“Hm?” your eyes met his serious eyes as you turn and face him. He has this smile but only you can tell that it was fake.

“I won’t be able to wait for you. I’ll be off to somewhere. I’ll just see you at the game.” he mumbled enough for the students at the table to hear.

You smiled and nodded your head at him. He smirked and leaned down over to give you a gentle kiss at your forehead. Lightly shutting your eyes at the process, you can feel your heart racing by the sudden affection.

It wasn’t new, really. You two were used to giving shows for those people who ships you two. He needed this, he’ll stay more popular if he acts like this. Popularity secures his position as the student council president. In short, he was using you and taking advantage of the situation.

You weren’t ignorant about it. He was straight-forward when he said that to you. He also told you that since you love attentions so much, you can use him as well so students eyes follows you all the time. It was a good deal so you agreed. And besides, you have feelings for him.

He nodded once before smiling over at the students at the table before he turned and walk away. Your eyes were glued at him as he coolly walk out of the library. Eyes were following him as always.

“Huwaaa you two are so perfect for each other, y/n!”

“Yeah right. I envy you so much.”

“Heeseung is so hot, y/n. How can you survive him?”

They were talking nonstop and all your response was just a small smile. Even if it sounds a bit rude, you enjoyed looking how other people envy you.

“You’re a bit late.” your head snapped over at the side when somebody suddenly talked.

Your brows furrowed hardly as you saw Jay leaning over the wall, both of his hands were inside his pocket.

“Jay? Why are you here outside and why aren’t you wearing your jersey?” you asked, now approaching him.

The corner of his lips raised up and he faced you giving you a full view of his bruise at the side of his face. Your mouth fell a bit.

“I was suspended so I cannot play for today’s game.” he said a smile now plastered over his face.

“What happened to you? Did you had that checked?” you were worried for him of course. He’s your friend and you’re close to him so seeing him at a state like that made you worried.

“It’s fine. Don’t you want to go inside? The game’s starting already.” he said and even tilted his head towards the auditorium.

You can already hear muffled screams and cheers from the inside. You gave him a nod before he gently grab your things from you so he can carry it for you. Jay’s a legit trouble maker but he’s a gentlemen so it wasn’t really surprising for you anymore.

The auditorium was crowded as expected. You had to squished yourself through the pile of students and thankfully Jay was there. His firm arms helped you so you wouldn’t be just bumped by somebody. You gave him a smile as you two arrived at the seat Heeseung had saved for you.

You saw how the players ran over the other side of it, the ball was at the opponent. Heeseung was very attentive and so focused in the game making him ten times more attractive. You really love it whenever he’s so focus about something.

The game continued and of course, Heeseung was the highlight of the game. You just smile while watching him enjoy the whole game. The whole auditorium went wild whenever he makes shots.

They won the game and you just watch as his members hover around him. They cheered and celebrated for their victory.

“You wanna go approach them?” your head snapped over at Jay when he asked you that and you just gave him a small nod.

He smirked and led you towards the court. Students paved way as they saw you approaching, they already know what you came for. His team member’s eyes darted you and you didn’t mind the obvious desires that lingers over their eyes. For you, it was only Heeseung that matters. He’s the only one who exist for you.

You smiled at him as a small smile appeared over his lips as well. He tilted his head one of his eyebrows raising at you. His arm opened a bit, indicating a victory hug.

“Congratulations, my mvp.” you said, enough for the crowd to go wild and tease the two of you.

Heeseung felt the playful nudges of his team-mates over him. He chuckled and shake his head side by side with a slow phase. “Where’s my kiss then?” he asked, sounding like as if he was challenging you.

You rolled your eyes as a small smirk appeared over your face. With a brave expression, you approached him and quickly snaked your arms over his nape to pull him towards you. The whole auditorium roars as the students saw you two making out. One of his arms slid over to your waist to pull you closer to him.

After the kiss, he pull away and rested his forehead at yours. You looked straight to his eyes, “Oh how you love the crowd, Y/n.” he whispered at you.

You chuckled, “Don’t say it like I’m the only one.” and you gave him one last gentle kiss at his cheeks before you move away from him.

He told you that he will just take a shower so you gave him a nod sending him off. You were left there together with Jay. He greeted you with his signature smirk.

“That’s quite a show.” he said that made you roll your eyes. Nobody knew about your set-up except from you and Hee’s friends.

“I was just planning to give him a peck. He was the one who deepened the kiss.” you explained because that was really the original plan. To give him a peck but Heeseung pulled you closer so you were a bit carried away.

Jay let out a chuckle, “Who would let the chance of making out with y/n slip away?” he said that made you chuckle at him.

You walked closer to him and leaned towards him, face inches away from you. “So you will make out with me if I insisted?” you joked at him. Well, you’ve been friends with them for a while too so you’re comfortable with them.

You saw a glitch of darkness pass through his eyes before he smirked at you. He raised his hand and put his two fingers over your forehead before gently pushing you away from him.

“Stop talking nonsense, y/n.” and he scoffed at you. He handed you your things before putting both of his hands inside his pocket.

“You should wait for Heeseung here. I’ll get going.” and he waved at you before turning his back and walking away.

You chuckled and just rolled your eyes before waiting patiently for Heeseung.

“Where’s your victory party?” you asked Heeseung as you walked side by side after he showered.

Now, he looked extra handsome while wearing his clean fresh white shirt paired with his black jogging pants. He do look really really attractive, with that slight wet hair. His gym bag hangs at one of his shoulder while he held your small bag using his hand. You can’t help but to bite your lip as you stare at him.

“Frat house? I’m not yet sure.” he answered. You two started walking out of the auditorium. There’s still a lot of students left and their eyes were quickly darted at your direction right away.

“Dude that three point shot at the end was perfect!” one of his team-mate walk beside the two of you.

You just gave him a smile as his eyes went over you from time to time. Heeseung responded with a thank you as you felt his hand rest over the small of your back, making sure you are closely beside him.

“Will you go eat with us before going home to get ready for the victory party?” his team-mates once again asked.

“Nah, I think I’ll spend some time with my lucky charm first. I’ll just meet you later at the party.” he said politely as he tapped his shoulder before guiding you to walk faster, dismissing any chances of him to talk again.

A small smirk appeared at your face as you two walk over to his car. “That was rude.” you mumbled as he send last wave at his team-mates then opened the door for you.

He scoffed running his hand over at his hair once, “He was annoying.” he shrugged his shoulders off before telling you to go inside.

You were checking your phone as he finally get inside. Expecting for him to start the engine already, you kept yourself busy with your phone but then you noticed he wasn’t doing anything.

“Is everything okay?” you asked, worried.

His eyes were already darted over at you-- on your exposed thigh to be specific. A smirk slowly spreads through your face as you tilt your head at the side.

“Enjoying the view? My eyes are up here, Hee.” you pointed out and even snapped your fingers in front of his face to catch his attention.

He looked up at you, “Yeah, I do and I bet all of my team-mates enjoyed it too.” you saw how his jaw clenched hardly.

You pursed your lips trying to suppress a smile to form, this shouldn’t be the time to be happy about the situation, y/n. Heeseung did said to you that he doesn’t feel the same way and even rejected you for a hundred times already. But this is one of those times where he kind of gives you missed signals.

“I wore this for you, Heeseung.” you said and smiled innocently at him. Your hand rested over at his face and you saw how he seriously eyed you.

His hand raised and held unto your wrist, with a smirk he started pulling you to straddle above him.

“Then prove it to me.” and without even warning you he pulled your face closer to his causing both of your lips to crash with each other.

You groaned a bit as you felt him bite your lower lip making you open your mouth slightly. Heeseung took the opportunity to slid in his tongue as his hands slowly undress you.

You gasped as he pull away from the kiss. His lips made contact with your neck and you let out small moans as you slowly felt his erection.

“If you didn’t made it clear that you don’t have feelings for me, I might think you're jealous right now.” you mumbled.

Heeseung was continually placing wet kisses all over your neck and as he made it over at the upper part of your chest, he shamelessly suck the skin marking you.

He leaned away and starred at his work for a while before he looked over at your eyes.

“I don’t like it when other people take interest over my toy.” and you felt his big hands rested over your tiny waist before he kissed you once again.

“I’ll pick you up at 8pm.” Heeseung said after rolling down his car window after he dropped you over at your house.

“For what?”

“Victory party. You need to be there as my date.” he said seriously. You bit your lower lip as you just gave him a small nod before waving at him.

He smirked, “Show people my masterpiece.” he shouted lastly before droving away.

You rolled your eyes after chuckling then just decided to just go inside your shared apartment with your cousin.

“Oh~ someone had fun.” you rolled your eyes as you plopped over the sofa.

“I didn’t know you were home, Jake.” you acknowledged him as you saw him sitting at one of the single sofas.

“Yeah, I went home to rest for a while because of the party later.” he said and shrugged his shoulders off.

You rolled your eyes at him, “You’re going? You know what? You have to stop fucking different girls per day, Jake. That’s not gonna be good for you.” you tried lecturing your cousin.

He smirked, “I don’t do that everyday, y/n. What are you even talking about?”

You sighed, okay maybe that was exaggerated but the thought was still there.

“I don’t even know why girls still fall for your trap. Everyone in the campus obviously know how bad of playboy you are.” you mumbled and rested your head at the backrest of the sofa.

Jake let out a snicker of laugh, “It's because of this, y/n. This--” he said pointing over his face that made you roll your eyes.

“This is the key to everything! It’s because I have a face of an angel.” he added.

You can’t disagree to him because he’s partly right. If you look at him the first time and you don’t know him, you’ll probably think that he’s very innocent. But that’s not the case, he’s very much corrupted.

“So where did you two did it this time?” Jake asked casually as his reached over the remote to open the television.

You were close to your cousin and he knew about Heeseung and everything about it. He’s cool with it as long you’re happy with your set-up.

You gulped as you fished your phone and acted like as if you’re doing something important.

“In the car.” you answered like nothing.

You can see from your peripheral that he turned his head at your direction.

“Woah, in his car? Really? Again, y/n?” he sounds like he can’t believe it. You rolled your eyes and sighed heavily.

“You two seriously need to stop doing the deed in his car. I sometimes hitch with hyung and to think you do the nasty there makes me uncomfortable.”

“Then don’t hitch anymore. You have your car for a reason.” you can’t remember how many times have you rolled your eyes already but you once again did it.

You stood up and decided to go to your room and leave him at the living room.

“Ah seriously. I just can’t understand why Heeseung hyung enjoys the thrill of getting caught.” Jake even shrugged his shoulders.

“Whatever.” and you finally left him there. He’s really annoying.

Heeseung did pick you up for the party and as you two enter, a lot of people were already there. Attentions quickly went over at the two of you as he was the main reason why there’s a party.

He stood proud beside you while his arms were possessively locked over your waist. Well, who wouldn’t be proud to have you as their date? You’re y/n after-all.

They had this cute short program for the team that made everyone laugh as they call them one by one. They were asked to give short speeches just to be fun.

“And lastly, for our MVP! Lee Heeseung.” the mc had called his name as the crowd cheered for him. Heeseung smiled and stood up from his seat which is beside you. He walked towards this small platform and a spotlight was pointed at him.

He chuckled, “Ah this isn’t necessary but yeah, I want to thank everyone for supporting and congratulating us. For coach,” he said and raised his fist for him. The crowd chuckled and so did you.

And then his eyes soon darted over you. “And of course, to my lucky charm.” he added and soon another spotlight was at you now. The crowd started teasing the two of you.

You tried smiling as your heart ache for some reason. Breath hitched at the current situation, even though you know any of this wasn’t true, you can’t help but to feel butterflies over your stomach.

“Thank you for always being there for me, y/n.” he said and he smiled meaningfully as his eyes starred right at you.

Your smile faltered a bit as you know how sarcastic his smile was. It hurts for you to know that your feelings aren’t being returned.

Your eyes roamed around as they cheered for you to go join Heeseung at the platform. You had no choice because they were really pushing you already. He was just waiting for you and when you were beside him, he then pulled you in a kiss that made the crowd roar in excitement.

As the night went deeper, people get drunker as well. You were already with some of your girl friends when Heeseung told you that he’ll just go meet his friends. You agreed, mind still occupied of what happened at the short program.

And when you noticed that Jay was already flirting at some random girls, your brows furrowed as you started seeing his friends having their own businesses.

“I’ll just go and look for Heeseung.” you told your friends and they just nodded their heads at you.

You, then proceed on looking for him since it’s really getting late and you’re starting to feel sleepy. When you turned over the corner, you saw him sitting at a couch, beside him was a girl. You don’t know her and you’re sure she isn’t from your school.

You balled your fist, starting to feel jealousy took over you. With chin raised high, you walked over at them. Good thing the students around them were pretty much wasted so they don’t have any clue that Lee Heeseung was flirting with some stranger.

”Heeseung, i’m sleepy. Take me home.” you interrupted rudely. Both of their heads snapped over your side. Heeseung’s forehead furrowed and you sort of saw that he was a bit pissed. The girl broke into a smirk.

“Oh look, your lucky charm.” you heard how she emphasize the words lucky charm and it annoyed you so much.

“Then go and find Jake to take you home, y/n.” you were dumbfounded when you heard Heeseung said that. How can he tell you that?

With a pained expression you held unto his arm when he once again turned to face the girl, “No, you took me here so you have to take me back home.” you were serious when you said it.

If you saw him a bit pissed a while ago, this time he really looked like he’s really mad. You let go from him, kind of got scared of the way he looked at you.

“There’s no more crowd, y/n. There’s no need for that anymore.” he said with a blank look over his eyes.

You stepped backward from him, “So would you please leave me alone? I’m busy right now.” he said before he turned his head without glancing over at you again.

A tear fell from your eyes as you slowly backed away from them. You saw how the girl teasingly waved at you and seems like she was really enjoying what’s happening.

You sniffed and harshly wiped off your tear before turning and left the scene. You fished your phone to go and dial your cousin’s number. Your chest was hurting so much that you can’t even process things properly.

“Jake where are you?” you said as you heard him answered his phone. You can hear muffled sounds from the other line.

“Y/n? Why? I’m somewhere.” you rolled your eyes because you know so well what that means.

“I want to go home. Pick me up back here in the party.”

“What? Where’s Heeseung? He took you there so he should-”

“He can’t take me home.” you cut him before he can even continue what he was saying.

“Why? Wait, I’m currently in the middle of something so--”

“Never mind, i’ll just go home by myself.” you said and was about to end the call when he talk again.

“What? No! Wait up, I’ll go there. It’s late already you can’t go home by yourself. Where’s Jay anyway?” he asked and you once again heard muffled sounds from his line.

“I don’t know where Jay is--”

“I’m here.” your head snapped over to the side when you heard someone interrupted you.

It was Jay and his brows furrowed as he saw your tear-stained face. “Great! Pass him the phone, y/n.” Jake said from the other line.

You sighed and gave Jay the phone. You have no energy to fight with him anymore so you just followed what he told you.

Jay talked to your cousin for a while but you didn’t really understand what it is because your mind was spacing out. He handed you back your phone after the call before he starred right at your eyes then smiled warmly.

“Let’s go, let me take you home, pretty.” he mumbled softly and you pursed your lips trying to stop yourself from crying.

Jay did take you home that night, it was a silent ride but you were somehow at peace. To know that he was just there beside you, calms you down. He was very reliable and a very nice friend to you.

“Thank you for taking me home, Jay.” you smiled a little at him.

He chuckled and extended his hand and gently messed your hair.

“Anything for you. Go inside since it’s cold.” he said and pointed the door using his chin.

“Your jacket?” you asked and motioned him his jacket that you were wearing.

“Keep it.” you starred at him for a while before you waved at him then went inside.

The next day in school, you were silent all the time. They were asking you what’s wrong but you just smile at them saying that you were just tired.

Heeseung acted like as if he wasn’t an asshole yesterday. He was doing the same things like nothing happened, walk with you in hallways, eat with you and now taking you home. You were at the parking lot of the school and there’s almost no students left.

“I really don’t like the way you acted last night, Heeseung.” you opened up.

You like him--no, you actually love him. One reason why you still kept up with this set-up with him. But last night, you were really hurt and you can’t let him do that to you all the time.

Heeseung rolled his eyes as he looked over at your side, “If you’re worrying for your image, don’t worry. Everyone was wasted that time.”

“Is that why you flirted with that bitch and sent me off like I’m no one?” you asked him. His face turned dark as he grabbed you by the wrist.

“Don’t call her like that.” you never saw Heeseung that way and it really scared you.

You gulped trying to act strong in front of him, “Well she deserves to be called like that by how she acts yesterday.”

Heeseung then smirked at you, “Then how should you be called? You let me fuck you here in my car like a slu--” you slapped him hard even before he can finish his sentence off.

He was dumbfounded as he raised his head to look over at you. Heeseung doesn’t know what to feel when he saw your eyes filled with tears. He was lost of words and his mind was clouded that’s why he didn’t have the chance to stop you the moment you walked out of his car.

You were crying so hard that you didn't even realized that you had dialed Jay’s number instead of Jake’s.

“Hello, y/n?”

“Please pick me up.” you said between your sobs.

Jay was in the middle of practice when he saw you calling. They were having a water break and without even thinking twice, he ran out of there ignoring the shouts of their coach.

“What happened?” he asked as he went out of his car. He was still wearing his basketball shorts but now wearing his plain white t-shirt.

His face looked so worried as you approach him with a blank face. You tried smiling at him to ease his worry but you just saw how he clenched his jaw hardly.

He raised his hand to cup your face gently, “If you don’t feel like smiling, don’t smile.” he said and he raised your chin so you can meet his eyes.

“And if you want to cry, then cry. It will help you feel better.” and that was your cue. You cried so hard in his shoulders that you even had a hard time breathing.

That time, you felt safe inside his embrace while Jay’s lips were near your ears whispering you calming words and his hands ran smoothly over your back.

You slept in Jay’s place that night because you don’t want your cousin to see at that state. Jay spent the night comforting you and you were very thankful for him. You don’t know what you’re gonna do if he wasn’t there.

“If it’s hurting you that much, stop with that set-up already.” he suggested while handing you over a bowl of popcorn.

You pursed your lips while watching him set up the movie.

“I love him.”

“But he’s hurting you.” he said, eyes still fixed over the television.

You stayed quiet and wait for Jay to lay beside you to give you cuddles for that night. You felt safe and a lot better because of him.

The next day, Heeseung was a bit spacing out. What happened in his car kept on replaying over his mind and he just can’t help but to curse himself.

His eyes darted over at the door of the classroom as he saw someone going inside. It was you and he saw how your eyes really looked puff, probably because of all the crying.

He was so worried and was about to call you out when another person followed behind you. You turn your head before chuckling at that person.

“Here, wear this. You look funny.” he suggested and handed you a sunglasses. You laughed but followed what he had said.

Eyes of the students followed the two of you including Heeseung. He watch how Jay sat beside you and rested his hand at the back of your chair. He saw how he lean closer to whisper something at your ear that will make you laugh.

He felt strange an unknown feeling taking over him. Were you always like this with Jay? Well, Jay’s naturally flirty so he’s not shock at all but to think you act like that around him lit up something weird inside him.

He was still deep in thoughts when the bell rang. He snapped back to reality when Jake tapped him lightly at the shoulder to tell him that they need to go at the cafeteria.

He gave him a short nod before he saw Jay walked out behind Jake. He was about to turn back at where you’re sitting but you were already standing beside his seat.

Heeseung was actually surprised as he stare at you, he watched how you raised the sunglasses showing off your eyes before smiling.

“Let’s go eat.” you mumbled with your usual smile but unlike before Heeseung knew it wasn’t sincere.

He nodded after gulping, trying to get rid of that lump over his throat. Some students pass by over the two of you and you greeted them with a soft smile.

You two walked together over at the cafeteria like the usual routine. He was really clueless but somehow a but relieved that you didn’t shut him off completely.

As dismissal came, he was already plotting how he’ll say sorry to you. He was actually nervous as you both walked side by side over to his car. You were giggling moments ago with Jay but as he went in a different direction and was left alone with him, you grew silent.

Heeseung opened the car door for you but you were still silent after muttering a low thank you. He walked around and went inside his car. The drive was suffocating that’s why he cannot find the right timing to say his apologize for you.

“uh, y/n.” he tried catching your attention because you were already busy with your phone.

“huh?” you asked coldly not even sparing him any glance.

“I just want to say sorry for yesterday. It was an asshole move.” he said. He stopped the car because of the red light giving you a chance to actually look at him.

Heeseung was taken aback at how you look at him. It was cold and blank. He can’t even recognize you, it was very different at how you look at him before.

“Don’t mention it. I understand.” was your cold response to him.

He wasn’t satisfied and he was about to talk again but the green light appeared. He once again continued driving and you went back on texting over your phone. Heeseung tightly gripped unto the stirring wheel.

“Drop me off just there, Heeseung.” he was pulled back to reality when you suddenly talked.

His brows furrowed in confusion as he saw that you were pointing over to a place not even near your place.

“Do you need to go somewhere else? I can go with you.” he offered.

You looked at him and his heart ache as he saw that cold stares again. You smiled but he can tell that they were fake.

“It’s okay, Jay’s gonna pick me up here. Thanks for the ride, take care.” you said before going out of his car without even letting him to bid good bye.

Heeseung sat at his car dumbfounded. It happened really quickly that he wasn’t even able to stop you, just like what happen yesterday. He rested his head over the stirring wheel as he slowly sort out his feelings.

He was pretty clear that he doesn’t like you. Yeah, you were ideal. Beautiful, smart, sociable and have a great status in life but he just doesn’t seem interested in you... before. You were always vocal of how you feel towards him, making it easier for him to figure you out. Maybe that was the reason why he don’t take interest in you. Seeing you now slowly slipping off from him makes him mad. Not at you but to himself.

The days continued that way. You act like nothing’s wrong but obviously there is an invisible wall slowly grew between Heeseung and you. It was the other way for Jay tho, you two became even more close. The more days you dripped away from him, the more he have come to realized that he was indeed in love with you.

“This ain’t gonna work. You need to stop hanging out with Jay that often. They’re starting to make rumors that you are cheating over me with one of my friends.” one dismissal, you were planning to peacefully go home but it seems like Heeseung had reached his limit.

You sighed, “Fuck rumors.”

He was surprised at how you responded. If it was the old you who cares so much about your image, you would’ve take his suggestions but no. Jay had told you that there’s something else you need to care other than caring for what’s the other people are thinking of you. You realized that he was right.

“Y/n...” Heeseung sounded helpless as he calls out to you.

Actually, that was his last resort to keep you from leaving him. He may appear to be in control of the situation but the truth is, he was very worried. He’s afraid you’ll leave him and he knew so well that he ain’t gonna take it so well. He’ll go crazy. He cannot lose you.

You let out a heavy sigh once again and you turn to face him, “This isn’t working anymore, Heeseung. I’m out of this set-up. I know you can still win the next election for student council president even without my help.” you mumbled continuously before you attempted to open the door of his car.

Heeseung was still processing everything. He can’t believe you really said that to him. Between the two of you, he was expecting him to pull out of this set-up.

He went back to his senses as he quickly grabbed your wrist, refraining to let you go.

“I love you, y/n.” he blurted out.

You were stunned at the sudden confession. You weren’t expecting it and to think that it was from Heeseung was unbelievable. You scoffed at him and starred at him with full sarcasm.

“You’re just saying that because you’re afraid of what you’ll gonna lose.”

Heeseung clenched his jaw, “Yeah, and that’s you.”

You starred right at his eyes and you can see that he is sincere but still, the pain that he caused you tells you that it’s not enough for you.

So instead of believing him, you chuckled, “Good-bye, Heeseung.” and you shoved away his hold from you before going out of his car and left.

The next week, Heeseung was not himself. He was lost and everyone took notice of it and instantly indicating that it has something to do with you. The students around the campus had concluded that the two of you may have fought each other.

Heeseung was always lifeless, like as if he had no will of living anymore. He was always quiet and serious, everyone is really surprised and worried about him.

And when their basketball game for their finals came, you planned on going since Jay invited you, you were greeted by their stressed out faces.

“What’s wrong?” you asked Jay handing him the drink you bought for him.

He smiled a little, “Heeseung hyung is not here.” he said.

You furrowed your brows because you know how Heeseung was never late in his games. You roamed your eyes around and you didn’t saw him anywhere.

“y/n, can you do me a favor and please call him for me?” his coach even approaches you that you quickly agreed on.

You stepped outside of the auditorium for less noises and quickly dialed his number. It took him three rings before he picked it up.

“Yah! Lee Heeseung? Where the hell are you?” you sounds frustrated and mad at him. Even if you called off the set-up, you still worry for him of course. You know how much he wanted to win so it is a very big deal for him.

“Home.”

“Home? Your game will start in 5 minutes!”

“I know.” you were out of words after hearing him say that. You thought he just lost track of time but to hear that he knew confused you.

“Then why are you still there? Go here now.”

“I’m not gonna play.” his voice sounds so firm.

“What do you mean you’re not gonna play? Are you crazy? You wanted so bad to win this and you needed this for--”

“I don’t need that. You’re the one I need.” you were dumbfounded.

“Heeseung,”

“Tell Jay I said good luck.” and he turn off the call.

You were stoned at your position the whole time and when you finally went back inside, the game was starting and they were left behind. Jay’s pretty much trying his best and of course, he’s scoring. But the duo from the other team just can’t be hand just by him.

They lost their first game in their finals and everyone seems to look so gloomy about it. Some of them were wondering why the Ace wasn’t there and you don’t know what to say to them.

The next day, it was the time where the candidates for the student council president will make a speech in front of the students. You were kind of worried for Heeseung because lately, he wasn’t himself.

Thankfully, he did appeared at the stage. He was all serious and not even smiling. When it’s his turn to make a speech, he went in front and you can see that everyone’s anticipating for him.

“Good morning. I, Lee Heeseung is here in front of you to make my speech.” his eyes roam around and as he find yours, it remained. He was silent and not talking.

He sighed and a small smile appeared over his face. “Actually, I don’t know if I can do this.” he said that made almost everyone to gasp.

You looked at him with worry. “I used to think that being the student council president is a piece of cake. I convinced myself that I’m very much made for this. That I can do this because, I am Lee Heeseung.”

You saw how the corner of his mouth lifted a bit, “Everyone may know me as a very responsible student, a role model for my hoobaes, a good friend and a good boyfriend.” and his eyes settled at you.

His smile fell as tear slowly show over his sad eyes, “Don’t get me wrong, I am indeed all of those except from one.” he added.

A smile appeared over his face as a tear fell, “I haven’t been a good boyfriend for y/n causing me to lose the most precious girl I have ever known.”

Your eyes started to water as well as you listen to him. “After losing her, I realized that she’s everything to me. She was the one who gives me encouragement whenever I get tired of my works as a student council president. She gave me assurance whenever I get nervous before my games during basketball games. And most of all, she showers me love even if I’m flawed and imperfect.”

He bit his lower lip, “Y/n, I wanna tell you that I would rather lose all of this than to lose you.”

You pouted and quickly stood up to go over at the stage to give him the warmest hug. The student cheered as you two embrace each other.

“I love you.” you mumbled.

“I love you even more, baby.” heeseung can’t explain the happiness he was feeling as he locked you into his embrace. To have you close to him sure is what he needs the most.

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starshapedkookie · 4 years

Text

Southpaw

pairing: jungkook x female reader (ft. a little sprinkle of namjoon)

genre: childhood friends to lovers, boxer jungkook, college/frat au

includes: swearing, angst, mentions of blood and violence, pining, smut (public/private, unprotected sex, hair pulling, jungkook is big guys, duh), alcohol, smoking weed, jungkook seems like an asshole but he’s really not, OC having a crisis every two seconds, some fluff here and there as well, also this takes place over many months just saying if time gets confusing

premise: Knowing Jeon Jungkook for the better part of your life, you thought you knew everything about him. Well, that was before you two disappeared from each other’s lives at least. When Jungkook suddenly finds himself buying you a coffee to rekindle your friendship, it leads to much more than you bargained for.

word count: 30k (she’s a monster sorry guys)

quick note: this is my first story back in a year(?) give or take some weeks!! kind of nervous to post & not sure if my writing has declined in anyway but nonetheless here is the beast that has been sitting on my computer since April 2019!! quick disclaimer I don’t know much about boxing so if I get stuff wrong - I apologize!! please enjoy & let me know what you think ❤️happy 7 years BTS!

recommended songs for reading: pray (JRY, RuthAnne), mushroom chocolate (6lack, quin), hallucinate (dua lipa), wus good/curious (partynextdoor)

_____

The evening was slow—after all, it was only a Wednesday. You had just finished serving a table of two—a young man and young woman—presumably on a midweek date. You didn’t recognize either of them which wasn’t surprising considering the campus grossed about 20,000 people. You began to wipe down tables out of boredom, glancing at the clock every two minutes hoping it would jump to when your shift was over in forty-five minutes. Thankfully, you didn’t have much work to do when you got home, but you are wishing to get in bed before 10:30 to get a full eight hours of sleep for your lectures tomorrow—something you had not had in about two months. Most days, like today, you were running on five hours of sleep and five cups of coffee. It wasn’t healthy, you knew that much, but it’s how you had to live your life. Your schedule was too demanding to hit the snooze button multiple times. You had shit to do—and getting your degree was the top priority.

“Y/N,” your coworker, Mark, called your name from behind of the counter.

“Yeah?” You respond.

“Will you come help me clean this out?” He asks you and you nod diligently.

“Of course,” you say, dropping your current task of wiping already clean tables. Mark was the one student that worked here you could stand to be around. He was very much like you in the sense that school came before anything—he too was on a full academic scholarship. He worked here before you, but he made you feel the most comfortable out of everyone. You would consider him a close friend at this point.

The espresso machine was a pain in the ass to clean and did call for two people most of the time. Besides, you would rather smell the remnants of coffee beans than the harsh chemicals of bleach gliding across a table.

“You have much work to do after your shift?” He asks you.

“No, thank god,” you shake your head, “I got most of my shit done between my classes today. You?”

“I have to write a ten page paper by midnight,” he sighs, “And guess how many pages I have started.”

You give him a short glance, “I’m gonna take a wild guess and say zero.”

“Damn right,” he smiles. A short silence between you two ensues before he speaks again, “Oh! Did I tell you I’m graduating early?”

“What? Really?” You look at him and an excited grin plays on his face. “When?”

“Yeah, I spoke to my advisor this afternoon and turns out, the classes I’m taking this semester is all I need for my degree,” he speaks with a relieved tone.

“Wow, that’s awesome,” you say genuinely, “I wish that was me,” you give out a small chuckle.

“I’m just glad I don’t have to keep stressing over this hell-hole,” he laughs, “The sooner I get out of here, the better.”

“I feel you on that,” you say, “I’m proud of you nonetheless, you’ve worked your ass off dealing with this scholarship.”

He gives you a small smile in return but it’s broken by the bell ringing from the door, signaling a new customer has decided to come in. Your eyes break from Mark’s and glance over to the door, your head doing a double take.

Your mouth goes dry when you see them—more specifically—him.

No, it wasn’t the first time you’ve seen him, but you couldn’t remember the last time you had seen him outside of a frat party on the weekends. And truly, it was your first time getting a good look at him in awhile. You felt nervous—though you had no reason to be nervous. You had known him since long before your days as university students, but since you weren’t plastered in this scenario, looking at him seemed more like a chore than ever.

“You want me to get their table?” Mark asks you and you look back at him.

“No, I got it,” you say, throwing down the cleaning cloth, wiping your hands on your apron.

The small group of boys are too busy in their own conversation to see you approaching them. You clear your throat before grabbing some menus off of the podium.

“Hey guys, welcome,” your voice breaks their conversation. The three men your age turn to you all at once and a small smile erupts from one of them.

“Y/N? I didn’t know you worked here?” Taehyung—another person you knew all too well—smiles and speaks brightly

“Yup,” you say simply, “Just been here a little over a month,” you explain pressing the best smile you can muster up. “C’mon, I’ll get you seated and get your order in.”

You lead them towards the back of the small restaurant, seating them in a booth. As they follow you from behind, you can feel their eyes burning into your back and you feel like screaming at the top of your lungs. They sit down and you pass out the menus.

“What would you guys like to drink?” You ask, putting a hand on your hip.

“I’ll take a coke,” Hobi—you remember his name easily as you see him around in a few of your classes.

“Coke as well,” Taehyung says.

“Jungkook?” His name rolls off your tongue and it sounds foreign. You couldn’t remember the last time you had said it, let alone to his face. His brown eyes meet yours and he clears his throat.

“I’ll just take a water,” he finally speaks, his gaze breaking just as fast as it met yours.

“I’ll get those right out,” a grimace spreads on your face and you turn on your heels to fulfill their drink orders. You hadn’t expected the encounter to be so awkward and have so much tension—but what did you expect?

Your relationship with Jeon Jungkook was a strange one to say the least. You had known him longer than anyone you associated with—you meet each other at the tender age of eight in elementary school. You remember that day so vividly.

You had been assigned a seat right beside of him the first day of school. He kept his eyes away from you. Being the energetic child you were, you were expecting him to introduce himself but—he never did. It actually took being in school a whole week to get him to talk to you. You nudged his arm with your elbow and his eyes meet yours for the first time. You smiled at him, “I like your shirt,” to which he responded a small, “Thank you.” He picked at his nails and you smiled at him again, “I’m Y/N,” though he would already know that sitting beside of you. “I’m Jungkook,” he spoke again with a shy smile. That day would change both of your lives—all thanks to you and your mouth that couldn’t shut the hell up.

Four years later, at the age of twelve, Jungkook was your best friend. For four years, he was the one person you had came to all about your problems—he as well. The two of you would complain equally about school, he would complain about his older brother picking on him, you would complain about your younger sister bothering you nonstop—the two of you were more alike in more ways than you could imagine. Despite getting older and more different, you and Jungkook shared the same friend group. You had met a girl named Kim Jennie during a pre-algebra class and Jungkook had met a lively kid named Kim Taehyung—no they weren’t related but you often joked about it. It was nice having another close friend instead of just having Jungkook—especially a girl. You and Jennie had more in common than you and Jungkook and Jungkook and Taehyung and more in common than you two. But—the four of you clicked and you spent nearly everyday with each other.

At sixteen, a lot of stuff had changed. Yes, you, Jungkook, Taehyung, and Jennie had all remained best friends, but high school was definitely not the same as middle school. You and Jennie joined the tennis team, Jungkook and Taehyung joined the soccer team—Jungkook also joining the baseball team—which kept the four of you more separated than you would have liked. The four of you all sat together at lunch each day, but as each day passed, something felt different with Jungkook. And then, halfway through your second year of high school, the news broke that Jungkook had a girlfriend—a cute girl named Yuna—who was actually older than him by a year. You felt indifferent about it. He didn’t speak to you as much as he used to and he would ditch you, Jennie and Taehyung to hang out with her. It didn’t bother Jennie or Taehyung as much as it bothered you—but then again—you had known him since you were eight and it felt weird not being Jungkook’s number one girl. You hated to say it—but you were jealous and you had no idea why.

Two years had passed, the four of you all eighteen and fully legal now. It was the end of your last year of high school and you could not be more ready to leave. Growing up through high school together, the thought of all of you going to the same university was a dream. The four of you were excited to move on to new things. Jungkook and Yuna had broken up a few months prior, not being able to work through the distance of her being away at college. Jungkook soon started molding back to how he was before—texting you throughout the day, complaining, just being Jungkook—you were happy, happier than when he was with Yuna. It was May when you had received the news that you had been offered a full ride academic scholarship. You cried and cried tears of joy—finally busting your ass for so long had paid off. Jungkook was so proud of you, though he didn’t outwardly show it, the way he looked at you when you had told him was all you needed. Taehyung suggested it—a small celebration of sorts for you—a.k.a. the four of you getting absolutely plastered in his basement. Taehyung had managed to steal some alcohol from his parents and before the four of you knew it, beers had been downed and half a bottle of tequila had been drank. You were laying on the floor, giggling at everything Jennie did, dancing around the room with a bottle of vodka in hand. Jungkook had laid down beside of you, his eyes boring deep onto you. You crane your neck and give him a small smile, not realizing how little space was between the two of you. Jungkook supports himself on an elbow and it was then you had realized how handsome Jungkook had actually become. He spent so long away from you when he was dating Yuna, you didn’t realize how much he had grown into his features. That night—was singlehandedly the best and worst night of your life.

You had no idea what came over you, but you stood up throwing out your hand for Jungkook to take. He grabbed it with no hesitation, him towering over you as your chests touched and it was the closest the two of you had ever been. Jungkook had looked over to Jennie and Taehyung, still drinking and acting stupid, before grabbing your hand and pulling you into the closest bathroom and shutting the door. Your heart was beating out of your chest and you grip his shirt tightly. The next few moments are a blur—Jungkook kisses you—actually kisses you. He gripped your waist tightly, pushing you against the door. A small whine emitted from your lips as he pulled away and you couldn’t believe this was actually happening. He kissed you again, pulling your thigh up to rest in his hand. This was wrong—so wrong in so many ways. But neither of you stopped until a bang from the other side of the door broke the steamy makeup session.

That night changed everything between you two. Neither of you talked about it ever again. Despite being so drunk to the point of blacking out—you remember every detail—and so did he. That summer, you and Jungkook grew apart. And it was the worst thing to ever happen to you.

Now, at twenty-one, almost through university, you had interacted with Jungkook only a handful of times. You had studied together a few times your freshman year, but after your first year, you could count on your hands how many times you had seen each other. Most of the time, only seeing him at parties with other girls hanging off of him. It was painful to see. Even after 3 years of a drunken kiss in Taehyung’s bathroom, it hurt more than ever to see Jungkook with other girls—but at the same time you didn’t care. You had moved on and so did he. You two were now strangers but your life was good—you didn’t need him like you used to think. And he seemingly didn’t either.

“Y/N? Earth to Y/N?” Mark nudged you out of your obnoxiously long reverie and you jumped out of your skin. “Are you okay?” He asks.

You look down and realize that you haven’t taken the three of them their drinks, the ice now watering them down to shit.

“Y-yeah, I’m just tired is all,” you begin to pour out the drinks to get new ones before Mark stops you.

“Here, I’ll handle them,” he says, “You can go home early, it’s fine,” he smiles.

“A-are you sure?” You ask him, not wanting to leave him by himself.

“Yeah, it’s about closing time anyways. Just head out, I’ll close,” he nods with a smile and you can’t help but to throw you arms around him.

“Jesus, thank you. I promise I’ll make it up to you one day,” you tell him pulling away. You wash your hands quickly and throw off your apron.

“Get home safe,” he says and you tell him the same before grabbing your bag. You glance one last time to the table in the back and unexpectedly, Jungkook is staring at you. It makes your breathing hitch and you turn around on your heel quickly, not wanting to linger on his gaze longer than you need to.

_____

The weekend comes slower than you would like, but it’s Friday which means one thing—time to go out and get a much needed dose of social life. You and Jennie had found yourself at the Beta Tau Sigma crush party at their fraternity house that evening.

“Here you go, m’lady,” Namjoon comes into your peripheral vision, handing you a drink he specially made just for you.

“Thanks,” you give him a small smile. You take a huge gulp without hesitation—you trusted Namjoon with your life. Not only was he on academic scholarship too, he was also the president of this fraternity which meant if he didn’t act straight—he would face serious consequences. The mix of brains, being ridiculously handsome, and being in a fraternity was a recipe for disaster—he was your type—bonafide. You were his type too which is maybe why the two of you clicked so well, particularly in bed.

“My feet are fucking killing me,” you groan glancing down at your heels, rolling your eyes in the back of your head. Namjoon throws an arm over your shoulder, pulling you closer to him.

“At least you look hot as fuck,” he lips brush against your ear and you give him a glare.

“Isn’t hot kind of a degrading term in today’s world?” You press.

He narrows his eyes at you, “Fine—you look beautiful, cute, sexy—is that better?”

“Much better,” you nod playfully and Namjoon gets bold—pulling you even closer to him for a small peck on your lips. Eyes linger on the two of you but you couldn’t care. So many girls would love to be in your position and you feel lucky to have captivated Namjoon at least for now. Besides, he was good at fucking and you needed stress relief, as did he.

Unsuspecting, Jungkook waltzed his way into the room and he immediately stops when he sees the sight of you and his older brother Namjoon. He had heard rumors about the two of you, which he brushed off—you would never go after someone like Namjoon—oh who is he kidding? You and Namjoon are the same person and it kills Jungkook inwardly. The way Namjoon is nuzzled into your neck and the way you're smiling, giggling to every word he says, makes him feel uncomfortable. You looked so different at parties than how he saw you a few days ago at your work. Your legs looked sexy as fuck in your short black dress, your hair flowed down beautifully as opposed to being thrown up, the way red lipstick painted your mouth made him semi hard. Jesus, how after all this time, does he still think about you like this?

Your eyes break away from Namjoon and your smile falls when they meet a familiar set of doe eyes from across the room. Your breath hitches and Jungkook looks so handsome you want to die. His dark hair is slightly parted, his button up is undone at the top, and his legs fulfill his pants better than any guy here. He downs two shots, not breaking his gaze from you. You feel intimidated by his gaze and presence, despite having seen him at these things multiple times. The only difference is that now—he’s giving you some attention that you weren’t ready for.

Your gaze breaks away from each other when a group of loud boys—including Taehyung as well as Kai, another brother within the fraternity—come rushing into the room, hauling a keg in tow.

“Hyung! Come on,” Taehyung teases drunkenly as they set down the keg. There are many hyung’s for Taehyung in the room to not have specified which one he was talking about, until he deadpans on Namjoon. “Namjoon-hyung, come on!”

Namjoon begins to shake his head in protest, “I’d rather not,” he puts his hands up, keeping his distance from Taehyung, “Gotta keep an eye on this one tonight,” he nudges you and Taehyung’s eyes widen when her realizes it’s actually you, standing beside of his older brother.

“Y/N! Hey! What’s up! Didn’t expect to see you here, especially with this one again,” he narrows his eyes to Namjoon.

“Hi Taehyung,” you give him a small smile.

“Do a keg stand with me?” His eyes bulge out like a puppy dog and your own widens in shock at the question.

“Oh no,” you protest, looking up at Namjoon, “Last time I did a keg stand was freshman year and I said never again,” you explain to him. He gives you a pout.

“Fuck,” Taehyung says, “Well who is gonna do this shit with me then?” He sounds impatient and frustrated.

“Get Jungkook too—he’s been looking over in this direction for too long, give ‘em something to do,” Namjoon says and you look up at him. Did he notice Jungkook looking at you? Shit.

“Hell yeah, that little shit will definitely do it,” Taheyung smirks and yells for Jungkook to come over. Jungkook is preoccupied with a girl before Taehyung breaks his mojo from across the room. Jungkook sees Taehyung and you standing together and he furrows his eyebrows. He excuses himself from his pussy date for the night and saunters his way over towards your direction. You keep your eyes anywhere but Jungkook as he approaches you.

“Hey hyung,” Jungkook greets Namjoon, “Y/N,” he says slowly and you tense up. “What do you want Taehyung?” He spits out. He’s clearly buzzed as the attitude coming off of his tongue is stronger than usual.

“Do this fucking keg stand with me pussy,” Taehyung presses and Jungkook scrunches his nose.

“Fuck no,” Jungkook responds and Taehyung rolls his eyes.

“Come onnnn,” he drags out, begging his life long best friend to do it.

“Absolutely not, I’ve done it once and I said never again,” Jungkook says and your eyes nearly pop out of your head. Taehyung looks at you and Jungkook and shakes his head.

“I swear you two are the same person in a different body, it’s weird,” Taehyung says, “Your loss,” and Taehyung is soon leaving your side to find someone else to do his proposition.

Jungkook is left standing in front of you and Namjoon in an awkward silence.

“Don’t forget, you’re on clean up duty Jeon,” Namjoon raises an eyebrow at the younger man.

Jungkook groans, “Fine, whatever hyung,” his words run together as he gives you a final glance, “See you later Y/N,” is the last thing he says before he walks away to find the girl he was smooching up prior.

Namjoon gives you a weird look before you are furrowing eyebrows at him, “What?” You ask.

“What’s up with you two?” He asks motioning over to Jungkook.

“What do you mean?” You gulp down your drink hoping to hide the nervousness in your tone.

“Didn’t you two use to be like, best friends or some shit?” He asks.

You shrug your shoulders, “Yeah, when we were kids,” you chuckle.

Namjoon doesn’t seemed convinced, “I remember you two hanging out a lot during Jungkook's freshman year here, what happened?”

You shrug once again, “People grow apart,” you answer simply, not wanting to go in detail how one kiss basically ruined whatever your friendship was with him. Namjoon suddenly smiles, a dimple showing in his left cheek.

“You know he talks about how hot you are? Not all of the time, but I’ve heard it before,” he laughs and you freeze in your spot.

“What are you trying to prove by interrogating me Joon?” You say with some attitude. That was the least thing you expected to come out of his mouth.

“Hey, I’m just asking questions!” He defends himself, “I just didn’t know if something happened between you two—like you dated or something and shit got weird, I don’t know… just curious,” he chuckles a bit.

You eyes widen and you feel yourself getting warm, “Oh no, we never dated or…anything like that…” you trail off. “We’ve just grown apart, we’re too different now.”

Namjoon raises an eyebrow at you, “According to Taehyung you two are the same person.”

You glare at him, “Get me another drink,” you shove your cup into his hand and see laughs at you before sauntering away for a few seconds. He comes back with a full glass and you down half of it in a few seconds.

“Ew,” you scrunch up your nose. Nice, you think to yourself.

“Maybe you should talk to him? I’m sure having an old friend is nice every once in awhile,” Namjoon continues, clearly interested in your history with Jungkook.

“I have Jennie,” you answer, “Besides, conversation goes both ways. If he really wanted to be friends again, he could talk to me.” You knew that answer was stupid. Jungkook didn’t even speak to you when you were younger. You were the one that initiated the friendship, not him, and you knew that.

“Whatever you say space cowboy,” Namjoon draws out and you give him a glare.

“Did you just quote Kacey Musgraves?” You ask with a small smile on your face.

“Fuck yeah I did,” he smirks, “She’s a gay icon are you kidding me, I’m obsessed with her.”

“Joonie, you’re not even gay,” you laugh.

“So? I love anyone who supports gay rights! Don’t discriminate my quotes!” He defends himself and you cannot help but laugh at him.

“Let’s go dance,” you grab his hand and pull him out of the kitchen onto the main dance floor. Namjoon was perhaps one of the more attractive people you’ve met here in your four years. He oozed sex appeal and charisma, which is why anytime he wanted to hang out or take you to a party—you obliged. If it meant getting in his bed at the end of the night, wearing the heels was worth it.

Namjoon puts his hands on your waist and the two of you dance to music in the crowded dance floor. Namjoon grabs a bottle of liquor from one of his other brothers who you have never met before and the two of you share a nice gulp of the cheap—but very strong—vodka.

You haven’t had too much to drink but you know if you drink anymore, you will not make it back to your apartment. You push the bottle away from you and turn to face Namjoon. His brown eyes stare into yours with a glassy, tipsy appearance, and he smirks at you.

“What?” You question him as his grip gets tighter on you.

“I wasn’t lying when I said you looked hot,” he says smoothly and you roll your eyes yet again.

“How sweet,” you grumble, biting down on your bottom lip. Without a warning, he leans in and pecks your lips gently. The alcohol in your veins surges through you as you lean back in and close the gap. Even in your heels, you still have to crane your neck some to fully reach his stature. His hands grip your waist tightly and you tug at his light brown locks, pulling him impossibly closer to you.

He presses himself into you a little bit harder and you can tell he wants you, his hands gripping one at your waist and the other one in your hair. Everything around you goes blank was it only feels like the two of you in the room together. Unfortunately, your moment is ruined when someone bumps into the two of you, knocking you apart. Namjoon steadies you and he glares at the two girls that ran into you.

“You want to get out of here?” Namjoon says into your ear, his breath fanning over your neck sending chills down you body.

“Yeah,” you nod a little too excitedly and he grabs your hand pulling you away from everyone. Namjoon is taking you up the stairs before someone calls out your name.

“Y/N!” You turn around in Namjoon’s grip to find Jennie holding onto the railing of the stairs, swaying back and forth drunkenly.

“Oh god,” you mutter.

“Is she okay?” Namjoon asks as he follows behind you back down the stairs. No, in fact, she looks terrible.

“Jennie, what’s up? I thought you were with Suzy?” You ask her and her face scowls.

“I was, but then… he showed up,” Jennie says, knowing exactly who she is talking about, “And he brought another girl with him! Y/N, what’s wrong with me? Am I not good enough for him?” Jennie is rambling as tears began to flow down her face. You look at Namjoon as he assesses the situation.

“I-I can get an Uber for her, if you’d like?” Namjoon offers and you nod.

“Please?” You beg and Namjoon grabs your hand squeezing it reassuringly before walking away to get the car.

“Jennie, come on, snap out of it,” you tell her and she continues to sob in your arms.

“Y/N, I don’t get it, I love him and he says he loves me but he does this shit all of the time,” she rambles.

“I know, I know,” you try to calm her down, “Jennie your drunk right now, but you’re so much better than him. I know you don’t realize it, but you are—“

“He makes me feel like shit,” Jennie sighs and you cradle your friend. Unfortunately, Jennie doesn’t have the best taste in men and she finds herself stuck in toxic situations she can’t get out of. You wish you could help more then you do but when Jennie is drunk, it’s hard to get anything through to her.

“Come on, let’s go to the bathroom,” you pull her up before she starts fighting you.

“I don’t need to use the bathroom though,” she pouts.

“Well, you might, let’s go,” you manage to hold her up and get to a bathroom in a hallway that isn’t too crowded. You reach for the handle only to be disappointed that it’s locked. Great.

You beat on the door with your free hand, “Hurry up in there! I have a crisis hanging off of my arm!”

“Hey, don’t call me that you bitch,” Jennie frowns and you roll your eyes, knowing she won’t remember any of this in the morning. You beat on the door again and again and again and finally, someone unlocks it and opens it fully.

The sight makes your eyes widen and your body heat up on fire. In front of you stands Jungkook against the counter zipping up his pants and the girl he was with earlier standing from her knees, wiping her mouth with a smirk. She leaves the bathroom, leaving you standing there with Jennie alone. When his eyes meet yours, his face goes ghostly pale. His mouth parts open and he feels like crawling into a hole to die.

“Y/N, Jennie?” Is all that comes from his mouth.

“Move Jungkook,” you say sternly and he moves to make room for you two in the bathroom.

“Uh, do you need any—“

“Leave Jungkook, I don’t need any help,” you say frustrated at the sight you just witnessed. You don’t know why you felt angry at him. You knew that he slept around like most fraternity boys—but to see him after getting sucked off in a bathroom—was new territory. Not only did it bring up the memory of you and him back in Taehyung’s bathroom all those years ago, it made you physically sick to know that you were just a pawn for him then. Who are you trying to kid? You were nothing to him. Once he figured out what his dick was used for, that’s all he cared about. Christ, you say to yourself, fuck him.

Jungkook leaves the two of you alone and within seconds, Jennie is over the toilet hurling her entire stomach up. You hold her hair back as she heaves into the toilet, trying not to gag yourself.

“Y/N,” she mumbles, “I don’t feel good.”

“I know, just keep it in the toilet please,” you say looking away at the sight.

Thankfully, Namjoon appears at the door. “The Uber is here,” he announces.

“Come on, we’re going to get you home,” you tell her, wiping her mouth with some toilet paper.

“Home?” She asks, “Thank god.”

Namjoon grabs her other side as the two of you carry her outside into the fresh air. You have to admit, the fresh air as sobered you up slightly. You spot the car waiting up front and Namjoon opens the door for Jennie.

“Thank you so much,” you tell Namjoon as he helps Jennie into the car.

“It’s seriously not a problem,” he smiles, “You should go with her,” he suggests and you feel your heart drop.

“A-are you sure?” You ask, subtle disappointment in your tone.

“Yeah, it’s fine—we’ll pick up another time,” he gives you a wink and you smile back.

“Okay, thanks again.”

You load into the back of the Uber with Jennie and you just pray that she doesn’t hurl in the car, for the sake of you and the Uber driver’s car. You were not about to pay the $200 fee for puke in the backseat.

_____

The next morning comes all too quickly in your deep sleep. When you wake up, you are not expecting Jennie to be in your bed with you. You had nearly forgotten she refused to sleep in her own bed last night, therefore you having to give in to her wishes of sleeping with you. Thankfully, you don’t feel like you have too bad of a hangover. For Jennie though, you know she will probably be in bed all day with a bottle of Tylenol at her bedside.

You check your phone and your eyes nearly burst from your head. It’s 1:07 PM.

“Fuck,” you groan to yourself. You did not need to sleep this late considering you absolutely needed to study for your exams on Monday. Not only was it an exam—it was your midterm exams in your human sciences and financial analytics classes, two classes that were kicking your ass. The longer you laid in your bed, meant the longer you were losing time to cram in your studying. You swig the sheets and blankets off of you to find yourself still in your party dress from last night. You grab a pair of leggings and a sweatshirt from your wardrobe before heading to the bathroom.

Your appearance makes you shudder when you seeing yourself in the mirror. You didn’t even take off your makeup, mascara and lipstick stains spread out on your face. Now it was time to really pray that you wouldn’t breakout from the old layer of foundation on your face. You grab a makeup wipe to get the gunk off of yourself before you step into an insanely hot shower.

You manage to shower quickly, scrubbing your body and face off of any stench left of you from last night. You step out, moisturizing each crevice that you can reach before you throw on your clothes. You feel 200% better now that you have showered and you can hear footsteps coming down from the hallway. Jennie appears at the bathroom door rubbing her eyes harshly.

“Good morning sleepyhead,” you comment and she stretches out her limbs, her dress hiked up far up her legs where her underwear is showing.

“Ugh!” She groans loudly, “My head is pounding. What the fuck happened last night?”

“There’s some medicine out in the kitchen,” you say as you follow her out into your living room and kitchen area. She goes immediately to the medicine cabinet and downs two pills with ease.

“Where are you going?” She asks as you began to gather up your school work into your book-bag.

“I have to study,” you tell her and she closes her eyes again, the sun being too harsh for the light.

“It’s Saturday Y/N,” she says obviously.

“I know,” you zip up your bag, throwing it over your shoulder, “But I have two midterms Monday—I can’t make below a B or I can get in trouble with the dean,” you explain and she nods, her sleepy gaze staring at you.

“Well, have fun. I’ll be here—dying,” she grins and you salute her off, leaving your shared apartment to go to the campus library.

The library is only about a ten minute walk and thankfully, not many students are flocking to the location on a Saturday afternoon. You assume that everyone is either hungover like Jennie or just don’t give a shit enough to come out and study.

You grab a coffee from the small coffee shop outside the library before you go in, sit down, and get to work on your studying. You turn on your classical music radio as you take out out your printed slides, notes, and textbooks. As strange as it is to say, as much as you hated studying—it’s where you felt the most comfortable. You knew you were smart and you knew school was your strongest trait—everyone knew that about you.

You go through each chapter of your human sciences class, writing and rewriting notes on new sheets of a paper. You make flashcards as you go along. You answer the obnoxiously long quiz questions at the end of your textbook as you go along.

Thankfully, you haven’t had any distractions and before you know it, it’s been nearly two hours since you first sat down. Your coffee is now cold but you don’t care as you need the caffeine to keep you going. You are about to pull out all of your analytics material before suddenly, a coffee cup in placed on the table in front of you. You look at the source and look back down until you look up again.

“Jungkook?” You ask pulling out one of your earbuds. His face is tired, the bags underneath his eyes prominent. He’s wearing a gray tracksuit, his hair messy underneath his somewhat contained beanie.

“H-hi,” he says simply, “Can I sit?” He asks referring to the chair across from you. You nod as he slings his backpack off and into the floor as he plops down in the chair.

“Hi,” you speak lowly. There’s tension between the two of you. It’s uncomfortable. You hate it, almost as much as you hate the sight you saw last night. “What’s up?” The question is simple, but forced.

He shrugs, “I dragged myself out to study despite my busting headache,” he says scratching the back of his neck.

“Jungkook in the library? To study? Did I hear that right?” You ask and he laughs slightly.

“Yup, unfortunately you did,” he answers before letting out a sigh. “I uh, got you this,” he slides the coffee cup over to you and you furrow your brows. You face heats up. Why would he buy you a coffee? The time Jungkook bought you something was a card and flowers the evening of your high school graduation, why the hell would he buy you a coffee?

“Thanks,” you laugh awkwardly grabbing the cup from him. You take a sip from the cup and realize it’s exactly how you like it. Three creams, an espresso shot, and a dash of vanilla flavoring. “How’d you know this is what I like?” You ask.

“Uh, you told me a few years back,” he says shy, his gaze ripping away from you. “I assumed it was the same, thank god,” he laughs trying to lighten up the mood.

“Thanks,” you repeat, unsure of what to say.

“Uh, how’s Jennie this morning?” He asks you with a genuine concern. You look from him, not being able to hold his gaze without burning up.

“She’s fine,” you say, keeping your eyes on your notes and hands in front of you.

“That’s good,” he says awkwardly. His leg is bouncing uncontrollably underneath the table and he feels like he needs to throw up.

“Why did you buy me this?” You ask him. He wants something, you can feel it.

“Um, no reason, I-I just saw you h-here and I know how much you love coffee,” he stumbles over his words and you meet his gaze again, before giving him a glare.

“Hm,” you mumble.

“Listen Y/N,” he starts, sounding more clear of his words, “I know we don’t really have a relationship anymore but, I-I just wanted to apologize to you about… the bathroom… last night,” he sighs and he hangs his head down for a second.

Your expression is blank and you shrug your shoulders with a small head shake, “Don’t worry about it.”

He nods slowly before a silence falls between you two.

“Listen, um I really have to get back to studying for my midterm tomorrow. Thank you again for the coffee,” you say with a small smile, trying your best to be cordial with him.

He nods getting ready to stand up but he stops abruptly, “What are you doing this week?”

The question catches you off guard.

“Oh, um,” your mouth is dry and it’s hard to find the words, “Probably studying, working, I don’t know,” you shrug again.

“Well uh, I was wondering if you wanted to meet up?” He bits his lip nervously, “We haven’t hung out in awhile, I thought maybe we could catch up?”

Awhile would be an understatement. The boy and you exchange another glance before you begin to nod hesitantly.

“Sure,” you answer simply.

“Cool,” he responds, “You still have the same number?” He asks. The question is weird. How is it that your best friend of so many years has to ask if your number is the same?

“Yeah,” you nod. He nods too, saying a quick goodbye before you watch as his built frame disappears into another corridor of the library, your eyes lingering a little too long on his built frame. What the hell was that?

_____

On Monday, both of your exams go a lot better than you were expecting them to. Your human sciences exam had already been graded and you made a 94 which in turn meant you were over the moon. Now you could only hope for that in analytics.

You know sat across from Jennie at one of your campus’s sandwich shops eating a late lunch.

“I don’t even know why you stress so much about your grades Y/N,” Jennie says, “You always end up with an A.”

“Jennie, I worry because if I don’t get A’s I can get kicked out of the honors program, you know this,” you say with pointed eyes, “Besides, I made a B in that business statistics class I had my freshman year, I’m still pissed about that!”

“Boohoo, I got a C minus in that class,” Jennie rolls her eyes, “All I’m saying is, you just need to loosen up. I know school is stressful but I know that you have to be going crazy.”

“I am going crazy Jennie,” you whine, “I’m just glad we don’t have much longer,” you sigh heavily.

“You and me both,” she adds, “I’m sorry I interrupted your stress relief the other night,” she says.

“What?”

She laughs, “You almost got dicked down by Namjoon and I ruined it,” she pouts and you giggle at her.

“It’s fine,” you shake your head, “He said we could pick it up another time.”

“Good, his fine piece of ass is something you gotta keep,” she smirks. Suddenly, your phone makes a ding on the table and you grab it quickly. Your eyes widen slightly when you see the text message.

[3:32 PM Jeon Jungkook] hey do you still want to do something this week?

“Who is that?” Jennie asks you.

“Uh, nobody,” you shake your head putting the phone back down.

“It most definitely is not nobody—your eyes are huge,” she points out. Dammit.

“Um,” you start, “Well last week at work, Jungkook, Taehyung, and their friend Hobi came in later at night,” you tell her, “And it was awkward and then I saw Jungkook at the party on Saturday.”

“We see him all the time at the parties we go,” she shrugs.

“I know, but then he came up to me in the library the other day…and bought me a coffee,” you finish.

Jennie’s eyes widen. “What?”

“I know right,” you say.

“Wonder what he wants from you?” She purses her lips.

“He asked if he wanted to go out this week,” you shrug, “He said we haven’t in awhile and he wanted to ‘catch up’,” you say.

Jennie’s eyebrows furrow. “Hm,” she mumbles, “Well are you going to?”

“I don’t know,” you tell her honestly, “I think I’ve seen enough of him to last me awhile.”

Jennie grimaces at you, “Come on Y/N,” she says, “You and Jungkook used to be inseparable, I don’t even know what the fuck happened to you two.”

“We just grew apart Jennie,” you tell her.

“Friendships like you and Jungkook don’t just ‘grow apart’,” she uses air quotes.

“Believe what you want,” you mutter, picking at your food suddenly not feeling too hungry.

“Why wouldn’t you go? There’s nothing stopping you is there?” She presses.

“Not exactly, but… I don’t know if it’s a good idea,” you mumble.

“Y/N, he’s your oldest friend,” she says, “You’ve known him longer than anyone else here, I know that you miss him as your friend,” she goes on.

“I don’t know Jennie, we’re not the same people we used to be. We’re not compatible as friends anymore, it’s weird.”

“How can it already be weirder than it is now? It’s weird as fuck that you two grew up together and don’t speak to each other anymore. I’d say go, just hangout, who knows what might happen,” she reasons and you cannot help but agree with her.

You don’t say anything else as you pull your phone back out.

[3:38 PM Me] Yeah I’m free tonight if you want to do something!

_____

Jungkook picks you up at seven on the dot. You feel nervousness settling in your stomach and you suddenly care about your appearance. When you open the door of your apartment and welcome him in, you have to tell yourself to keep your mouth closed.

He’s dressed in a sweatshirt and ripped jeans but he looks…so good? You hope you aren’t overdressed in your dress and denim jacket and he smiles when he meets your gaze.

“Hey,” he greets you and you welcome him into your apartment—a place he has never been.

“Hi,” you say grabbing your keys from the kitchen. “Jennie!” You shout and she emerges from the laundry room

“Yeah?” She stops dead in her tracks when she sees Jungkook. “Oh, hey Jungkook.”

“Hi,” he smiles.

“I’ll be back later,” you tell her, “What are you doing tonight?”

“I have to write a report and I guess I’m going to do your laundry since you’re lazier than shit,” she presses. You throw up your middle finger and turn to Jungkook.

“You ready?”

“Yeah, let’s go.”

_____

“Where are we going?” You ask him as you make your way outside, keeping a relative distance between you and him.

“You hungry?” Jungkook proposes, almost with a playful tone.

“Mhm,” you mumble, looking down at the ground as you walk. This was weird… so fucking weird. The last time you and Jungkook had hung out was around two and a half years ago—not even shitting. You wonder if he still liked the same things, had the same hobbies, ate the same food, but you were completely unsure of yourself in this circumstance. The nervousness hasn’t settled in your stomach and your mind wonders if he’s nervous too.

“Alright, c’mon,” he says and you meet his gaze before he changes direction with you in tow.

It’s not even a five minute walk—mind you, in silence—until we reach the place Jungkook had led you to.

“Really Jungkook?” You raise an eyebrow at him as you step into your all too familiar work place.

“What?” He laughs, “The food is good,” he continues.

“I’m starting to think you brought me here for my employee discount,” you press to him and he tilts his head.

“You have an employee discount?” He repeats, “Good to know,” he chuckles and in turn, you return a small laugh, feeling a little more comfortable.

Mark isn’t working tonight, but unfortunately, a girl named Kyla is and you absolutely despise her. Her biggest personality trait is just being a bitch—a bitch for no reason! Sure, you can have your bitchy moments but you’re not going to be a bitch to someone unless they deserve it.

“Y/N… Jungkook,” Kyla says slowly, looking between the two of you. “Just sit wherever you like,” she says. The restaurant is free real estate as you two are the only ones here.

You choose a booth, sliding in on one side, Jungkook on the other.

“Do you know her?” You ask Jungkook once she walks away from your table.

Jungkook looks pale, “I’ve met her, once or twice,” he says and it’s all the confirmation you need to understand that means he’s fucked her once or twice.

You don’t say anything else as you look through the menu, already knowing exactly what you want.

“When did you start working here?” Jungkook asks you.

“Oh, about a month ago,” you say. He already knows that. I guess you and Jungkook are really too that point, huh? Small, dull, repetitive conversation?

“How did your exams go?” He asks, chewing on his bottom lip. He’s nervous—you can sense it.

“Better than I thought,” you answer honestly.

“Hm, let me guess—you thought you did terrible but ended up getting an A,” he reads you perfectly.

“Hey! I don’t think like that,” you say even thought you know that is a fat lie.

“Come on Y/N, you’ve been that way since we were fourteen. Lying sends you to hell you know,” he raises an eyebrow at you and you look away from him to suppress your laugh.

“Fine. I got a 94 on one of them, I don’t know about the other one yet,” you tell him.

“See, you’re a genius,” he says and you shake your head.

“Most definitely not,” you say.

“I was always so envious of you growing up, you just sat there in school and you just… got it,” he says remembering back to your younger days, “All of us were jealous of you,” he adds.

“I can guarantee nobody was jealous of me Jungkook,” you give him a grimace, “We all were stupid in our own ways, maybe you more than anyone else,” you decide to pick on him since you’re feeling more relaxed as the conversation keeps going.

“Hey, no need to shit on me like that,” he gives you a pout.

Your phone suddenly vibrates against the table. It’s probably Jennie, you think to yourself as you flip the phone over. To your surprise, it’s not Jennie—It’s Namjoon.

[7:28 PM Kim Namjoon] hope you had a good day

[7:29 PM Kim Namjoon] mine would be a lot better if you were sitting on my cock right now

Your eyes widen and you flip the phone back over with a slam to the table. Jungkook looks at you curiously.

“Whose that?” He asks.

You want to lie, but Jungkook can tell when you’re lying. “Just Namjoon,” you tell him, “He was asking about some homework.”

Jungkook nods slowly before chewing on his bottom lip again, “You and hyung are good friends?”

Your face drops and you don’t say anything.

“I’m just asking since I’ve seen you guys together at our parties,” he adds while clearing his throat.

“Yeah, we’re friends,” is all that comes from your mouth. Jungkook’s eyes are hard to read but you can tell he knows you’re not saying what you’re actually thinking. What he wants you to do is be honest with him and tell him that yeah, you and Namjoon fuck from time to time, but of course, he doesn’t get that answer.

About twenty minutes later, Kyla is bringing your food.Your stomach growls as the scent of the food comes into your nostrils. The two of you begin eating, keeping some small talk between the two of you.

“Are you still a business major?” You ask him as you chow down on your French fries loaded with ketchup.

Jungkook scrunches his face up, “Hell no,” he shakes his head.

You stop your chewing momentarily, “Oh,” is all you can muster. “I’m sure that went over well with your father.”

Jungkook gives you a short glance, a smirk across his face, “It went as well as you can imagine.”

Growing up, Jungkook was expected to go to college, get a business degree of some kind and him and his older brother were to takeover his father’s company by the time he was 30—you would know, Jungkook would secretly complain to you about nonstop as teenagers.

“What are majoring in now?”

“Photography and film,” he answers boldly.

“Oh, wow,” you tell him, “That’s a big move.”

“I’d rather die than being forced to do something I don’t want to do, that’s no way to live life,” he munches on his burger, his eyes looking straight into yours.

“How’s Taehyung?” You ask him.

“He’s good,” he laughs a little bit, “Would you believe it if I told you he has a girlfriend?” He cocks his head slightly.

“Taehyung? And a girlfriend?” You say in disbelief. “You’re kidding, right?”

“Nope,” he chuckles, “It’s weird though, he won’t introduce me to her, hell he won’t even tell me her name.”

You furrow your eyebrows, “That is weird,” you pause, “Maybe he thinks you’ll steal her,” you smirk jokingly.

Jungkook shakes his head, “Taehyung’s got more game than I do, trust me,” he says with a laugh.

“I’m assuming you don’t have a girlfriend?” You ask him nervously, biting down on your bottom lip.

Jungkook stops eating and rolls his tongue on the inside of his cheek, “No, I haven’t dated anyone since Yuna really.”

The confession surprises you and you somewhat don’t believe him.

“Why not?” You press.

He shrugs, “Just haven’t found anyone I like I guess, like, really like, you know?”

You nod understandingly. Before Namjoon (whom you aren’t even dating) you had dated this guy for awhile and he was nice but you were bored as fuck in that relationship. Thankfully, you moved on from that onto better things.

Once the two of you finish your meals, Jungkook pays before you can protest and you leave the restaurant around 8:30 PM. You shove your hands into your jacket and walk along beside of Jungkook, lazily kicking rocks when you come across them.

“So, what did I do to deserve a free meal and a coffee from Jeon Jungkook in the span of two days?” You look up at him and he glances down to you quickly.

“I said I wanted to catch up, how else was I supposed to do that?” He smirks and you hit his arm playfully.

You don’t say anything so he continues.

“I don’t know, it’s just when I saw you last week working, I hadn’t seen you in so long… let alone speak to you,” he pauses, “It made me realize that I miss our friendship, I missed us…” he trails off, looking straight ahead.

“Why didn’t you reach out sooner?” You ask him seriously.

Jungkook hesitates some, “You could have reached out too, the phone works both ways” his words are unexpected, harsh. And they somewhat hurt.

You don’t say anything again, feeling a sting in your chest.

“I didn’t mean it like that Y/N,” Jungkook say, stopping his path to stand in front of you, “It’s just… we haven’t spoken in so long. I feel like you’re a completely different person ever since we got here to university. I don’t know what happened—“

“You don’t know what happened?” Your tone is sharp. “Are you stupid Jungkook?”

He looks taken aback, “W-what?”

“When we were eighteen and you fucking kissed me that’s what happened and that’s when shit changed Jungkook, don’t act like you don’t know,” you sound angry to which, you are. Talking about this gets you riled up.

Jungkook lowers his head, “We should have talked about that, I know but—“

“But what Jungkook? It ruined our friendship and you know it.”

“I ruined it?” He now sounds pissed off. “What ruined our friendship was you acting like I didn’t exist once we got here to college. You blew me off and blew me off time and time again,” he runs a hand through his hair, “I tried to maintain this friendship and you know it. If that stupid, fucking, drunken kiss bothered you that bad, you should have been a big girl and told me.”

You feel frustrated and you feel tears are threatening to spill out of you. You want to comeback with something, but you know he’s right. He did try and you were the one to put distance between you both.

“I-I,” you start but no words come out. “I’m sorry Jungkook. It’s just when we got here, things got more complicated and more stressful, and I couldn’t afford distractions—“

“So I’m a distraction now?”

“What? No, no, I didn’t mean it like that,” you shake your head in protest.

“So, hanging out at fraternity houses every weekend, getting hammered with Jennie every weekend, smoking pot once in awhile, and fucking Namjoon isn’t a distraction? But your best friend of fourteen years is a distraction?” Jungkook’s words come out in a frenzy and you feel slightly attacked.

“Excuse me what? Jungkook no—“ you stop yourself from speaking. You know he’s right but that doesn’t give him a right to attack you like that. “So, what’s your excuse then for not being the bigger person than, huh? Getting sucked off too many times in a bathroom and you realized you don’t need my attention anymore? Huh?”

Jungkook’s eyes darken and you can tell he’s pissed off.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” He asks you.

“Jungkook, you’re my oldest friend—“

“You don’t treat me like it—“

“Well neither do you,” you back go back and forth with each other. You’re frustrated. Angry. Sad.

Jungkook is fighting a battle in his head. “I’m sorry okay,” he says, “I think we both can admit we’ve acted shitty to each other.”

You look away from him staring aimlessly at your lap, “I’m sorry too, I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Neither should have I,” he says. “I just wish you had told me about that stupid kiss, we could have talked through it Y/N. I wasn’t thinking back then.”

“Why did you kiss me?”

Jungkook’s eyes look panicked and he scratches the back of his neck.

“I had a stupid little crush on you at the time okay? And alcohol doesn’t help, it only intensified my feelings.”

“What?” Your mouth drops agape at the confession.

“I know, stupid right,” he shakes his head, “Fuck I wished we had discussed this sooner because this is so embarrassing,” he laughs while shaking his head.

You’re in disbelief. Jungkook liked you? How did you not know? It makes your insides tingle at the thought, but you know you shouldn’t get excited so you drown out the feeling deep within you.

“Well, that was years ago,” you tell him, “All we can do now is look ahead,” your breath is uneven and shaky.

“You’re right,” he mutters, “I really am sorry Y/N, I-I just want you as a friend again—“

“I forgive you Jungkook. And I’m sorry too.”

What Jungkook does next is unexpected but all too familiar. He grabs your chin and squeezes it in his hand. You swat him away with a laugh as he pulls you in by an arm. You oblige his movements and rest your head on his shoulder as the two of you keep walking. There’s something oddly intimate about this gesture. And the whole atmosphere has changed but you like it—it feels… like home.

“Can I ask you something?” You mumble.

“You just did,” he laughs and his chest rumbles underneath you.

“Shut the fuck up,” you lean up from him with a smile, “Namjoon said you talk about me a lot…?” You trail off your question. You could be sneaky if you really wanted to be.

“He did?” Jungkook panics. Fucking Namjoon, he thinks to himself. “W-what did he say?” He stumbles on his words.

“Just stuff,” you respond hesitantly, “He may or may not have said that you called me hot.” Jungkook freezes beside of you.

“Fucking hell, I’m gonna kill hyung,” he mutters underneath his breath, “Look I’m sorry okay—I was really drunk and I saw you at one of our parties in this short ass dress and fuck, yeah I said you were hot—I’m sorry okay? I know that’s so fucking weird jeez, I’m sorry—“

“Jungkook it’s fine,” you laugh interrupting his rambling. “It’s not weird, I just wanted to know whether or not Namjoon was feeding me shit.”

“You don’t think it’s weird?” He asks and you can sense that he is very embarrassed. “I told you, I’m not good with my alcohol.”

You shake your head, “I mean, you’re pretty hot too if I say so myself,” the words tumble from your mouth and you actually want to crawl in a hole and die. Did you just say that?! Jungkook looks at you as you turn your face away from him. Fuck, he thinks to himself. He glances down your body and notices the cleavage coming through your dress and the way you hair is pulled to one side. Fuck, he thinks again, yeah, stupid little crush three years ago my ass.

“Can I tell you something?” His voice his quiet, serious.

“Of course,” you look up at him with a concern face.

“You can’t tell anyone—not even Jennie,” he says, his voice low. You give him a confused look, but nod anyways.

“What’s wrong?” You ask him. He bits at his lip, feeling uneasy.

He takes in a deep breath before exhaling, “When I changed my major a few months back, my parents threatened to cut me off—“

“Whoa, what?”

“And they’re still threatening to if I don’t get my shit straight.”

“Jungkook, I don’t get what you’re saying? Have you done something?” You ask him, feeling already too uneasy about where this conversation is going.

“No, I haven’t done anything—that’s the problem. I haven’t proved to them that I’m worthy for them to keep paying for my school. I haven’t proved to them that I can get a job somewhere. My grades aren’t proving anything to them.”

“What are you gonna do if they cut you off? You can’t pay for this shit-hole by yourself—they know that.” You notice the way his jaw is grinding and his breathing is shaking.

“Please don’t get mad at me,” he mumbles quietly. Oh god. “Recently I started taking up, um… boxing,” he says, unsure of his words.

“…Okay?” You say slowly.

“I’ve been fighting, like underground fighting,” you almost don’t hear him, but then you do, and you want to laugh in his face—but he’s being serious.

“Fighting? Jungkook what the fuck?!” You push yourself away from the comfort of his side, “Are you crazy?!”

“I’m getting paid for the fights—if I win at least,” he tries to sound reasonable but to you, you want to scream at him in anger.

“Jungkook, are you fucking kidding me? You’re fighting? Instead of finding a real job?”

“Y/N you don’t understand—I make thousands of dollars for one fight—it’s my best chance right now.”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” you shake your head, pulling your hands through your hair in frustration, you cannot believe this man right now.

“What are you going to do about school then? Huh?” You press him.

“I-I was hoping you would help me, at least try to tutor me,” he says hesitantly and your stomach drops. You don’t say anything for a moment, unsure if you want to scream or cry at him.

“So this is the reason why you wanted to rekindle our friendship, so I could be your fucking tutor?”

“What no—“

“Are you fucking kidding me Jungkook? I cannot believe you right now,” your voice is getting louder by the minute. You start to walk away from him back to your apartment by yourself, unable to even look at him right now.

“Wait—no, please Y/N,” Jungkook runs to you, grabbing your hand and pulls you back to him, “I know this is all bad timing but I really did miss having you as a friend and you’re the only person, I could tell this to, at least for now,” he quickly explains.

“What, so you want me to help you through school while you get the shit knocked out of you for money?” You ask him, “Jungkook I don’t want to see you go through that, you have to find another option,” your eyes are pleading with him. His grip moves from your hand to your waist which causes your heart to race irregularly.

“Y/N, please I know it’s not the best but it really is my best option. I need someone there for me and I need that person to be you,” his face is too close for comfort and you back away from him a few inches.

“Jungkook, I don’t know,” you shake your head.

“Please, Y/N, I’m begging you,” he says again.

“Have you told anyone?” You ask him.

“Aside from you, only Taehyung knows—and Yoongi, he was the one to introduce me to it.” Yoongi—a name you’re not familiar with.

“Fucking hell Jungkook,” you lean your head back, trying to contain your emotions.

“Please you can’t tell anyone Y/N, I can get in serious trouble by obtaining money this way.”

“Yeah because it’s fucking illegal,” you spit at him. You find his hand to grip a little too tightly and you want to scream at Jungkook. How could he be so stupid? And how were you going to let him be so stupid?

“I’ll help you with school Jungkook, but the fighting… I don’t know,” you tell him, “You know I’m not going to be okay with that.”

“If you makes you feel any better, I haven’t lost. The most I’ve walked away with is a few scraps and bruises on my arms,” he tries to lighten up your mood but it doesn’t work. “I promise I won’t get hurt, I know what I’m doing,” he nudges you trying to loosen you up some. He hands end up grabbing yours, intertwining them tightly.

“Don’t make me promises you can’t keep Jungkook,” you tell him and his face falls again. Both of you look at your intertwined hands. “At least promise me you’ll be careful,” you plead him.

“Of course. I promise,” he says giving your hand a squeeze. Without warning, he pulls you into a tight embrace, his arms wrapping around your waist tightly. Your hands snake up against his neck and pull him close to you as well.

His scent is all too familiar and it scares you that you’ve missed out on him growing into the handsome adult he is now. And now, you have to fear for his wellbeing. Fuck. Jungkook pulls away from you and your faces meet a little too close for comfort. His nose brushes against yours, his eyes burning holes into you.

“I’d trust you with my life Y/N,” he speaks again, “And I’m trusting you with this.”

Your breath hitches as his nose brushes yours again. Fuck, you think to yourself. You bite your lip, knowing that you wold absolutely die for this boy and it takes all of you to grip his shirt and push him away from you. You feel less suffocated once your space is empty and Jungkook’s hand stays in yours as he walks you home. It’s a good thing, you think, that you’ve had a stupid little crush on him too or you would most definitely not do this shit for him.

_____

“So,” Jennie says slowly, “How was it?”

You hadn’t even walked into your apartment five feet before Jennie is rushing questions onto you.

“Um,” you pause, taking the time to take off your shoes, “It went... well,” you say, unsure of your words. Did it go well? You weren’t sure considering the two of you were in an argument nearly the whole way home.

“Well?” Jennie asks, curiosity dripping in her tone, “I need more details than that. What’d you do? What did you guys talk about?”

“Um, we just kind of caught up on things,” you knew you had to tread your words lightly. “It felt pretty normal.” You add at the last second, giving her a weak smile. She narrows her eyes at you.

“That’s it?” She somewhat frowned.

“What did you want me to say?” You give her a laugh as you begin to walk back towards your room and undress into your sleepwear. She follows your footsteps closely.

“I don’t know! I was just expecting more, more from you! You seem awfully quiet,” she says plopping down on your bed that she is oh-so accustomed to.

You look through your drawers and pull out a big t-shirt and slip it over your head. You turn to Jennie and give her another pathetic attempt of a smile.

“It’s just weird okay,” you tell her, climbing onto your bed with her, “This was the first time we’ve actually hung out by ourselves in years and I don’t know, it was good, like we picked up where we left off you know?” You knew that was a complete lie but you needed to get Jennie off your case or you were afraid you would let your worries slip.

She lets out a sigh, “I guess so. I do think about high school sometimes and we really had it good… the four of us,” she smiles fondly thinking back to simpler times.

“Yeah… we did,” you agree staring up at your ceiling.

“How’s Taehyung by the way? Did Jungkook mention him?”

You give a glance at Jennie and she’s looking at her overgrown nails. “He’s good, Jungkook said he had a girlfriend which surprised me.”

“Hm,” Jennie shrugged, “Interesting.”

You furrowed your eyebrows while looking at her. “Interesting?” You found her answer odd but she brushes it off.

“Yeah, well I have homework to do that isn’t gonna do itself unfortunately,” she stands up from your bed, “See you in the morning, goodnight.” She throws you a quick wink before she leaves, shutting your bedroom door behind of her.

You let out a sigh of relief when she leaves. As happy as you were that you and Jungkook reconnected some tonight, the uneasiness in the pit of your stomach was keeping you from focusing on the good. You couldn’t believe what Jungkook had gotten himself into. Boxing? For money? You knew Jungkook never had much common sense but this takes it to another level. You now knew one of his deepest secrets and not only could that seriously backfire on you if something went wrong. He said he trusted you with his fucking life for Christ’s sake. Who says that to someone they’ve barely spoken to in two years? Someone who is desperate, you think.

You grab a book from your nightstand for one of your classes and flip to your last read page, trying to rid your mind of Jungkook getting the shit beat out of him. And as much as you read your book and your eyelids fall sleepy, you manage to barely sleep that night, as images of your old friend are burned into your brain.

_____

It wasn’t long after your first meetup with Jungkook that he started asking for tutoring help. Jungkook knew your schedule was busy and he didn’t want to pressure you into anything, but the more you were around Jungkook, the more desperate you were to help him. You have known him for so long and despite all your differences, he truly was and will always be one of your best friends. And best friends helped each other. Right?

“Hey—sorry I’m late,” you meet Jungkook in the back of the fourth floor of the library after your last class of the day. “I had a question about my lecture—“

“Y/N it’s fine,” Jungkook says softly, not looking up from his paper, “Don’t worry about it.”

You set down beside of him and begin to take your belongings out of your backpack and you notice Jungkook has already begun some work himself.

“How was classes today?” You ask him opening up your laptop. You give him a glance and he’s focused on the problem in front of him.

“It was alright, I slept through my first one at ten—“

“What’s that?” You ask as you let your eyes focus a little too close on his face. A cut lined across his jaw and up towards his left ear and you felt yourself begin to panic. “Jungkook what—“

“Don’t worry about it,” he’s being cold and distant and you don’t like it. You look down his arms and onto his hands and notice some cuts and bruises there too. That’s when it hits you.

“Jungkook did you have a fight recently?” You keep your voice low so no one else could hear. He visibly tenses up beside of you and he adjusts his beanie on his to try and cover his ear area.

“Yeah,” he says simply, his eyes not looking at you one time, still focusing on the paper ahead.

“Jungkook,” your tone is deep and not happy, but you suppose there isn’t much you can do in this situation. Curiosity got the best of you and you ask, “What happened?”

“Let’s not talk about that okay?” He turns to you fully and you inwardly gasp, seeing that his right eye is half blacked behind his glasses. You feel sick to your stomach and your mouth parts. Again, you don’t say anything and just give him a nod.

The rest of the tutoring session with him goes smoothly and Jungkook has significantly picked up his understanding of his classes in a short amount of time, but in the back of your mind you wanted to scream. Scream at him. How could he be doing this to himself? He first told you he was fine. He sure doesn’t look fine. It’s getting close to 7 o’clock when you tell him you have to go get ready for your shift at the diner in an hour.

“We can pick up again whenever you need to,” you tell, “And text me if you have any questions.”

“What are you doing this weekend?” Jungkook completely ignores your sentences and you turn to him, trying not to stare at the faint of blue under his eye.

“Um, I have another shift tomorrow that starts at 7,” you tell him.

“Can you get off?” He asks almost nervously as the two of you begin to leave the library.

You chuckle, “Probably not, why?”

“Well, Taehyung and I are having a small get together at our apartment and I wanted to know if you and Jennie wanted to come?”

He sounds genuine and you know it could be fun and a little different from the chaotic frat scene that you’re used to.

“Sure, I’m sure Jennie will be down,” you give him a smile to which he returns one for the first time tonight. “If I can’t get off work I’ll just come after my shift.”

“Sounds good,” he says and you are about to part ways before he grabs your arm to stop you, “Thanks again Y/N, for helping me out,” there’s a glimmer in his eyes.

“No problem, it’s what a friend would do right?” You give him your best smile although it feels weird saying that. His face drops in the slightest way.

“Yeah…” he trails off, his hand trailing down your arm before letting go, “See you soon?”

You give him a nod, “See you soon.”

_____

Your shift at the diner tonight was being particularly slow for a Tuesday and you found yourself aimlessly making lattes for yourself every thirty minutes. You were slightly jacked from the caffeine but you knew you would need it once you went home to finish off the load of your homework for the night. Bedtime as of right now was looking to be 3 AM, possibly 4. Mark is once again working with you tonight which makes it all the more bearable, but the more you stand behind the counter, sipping your coffee, the more you realize you do not want to waste tomorrow night working.

“Hey, Mark,” you say and he looks up from his book.

“What’s up?” He asks, his eyes focussing on you.

“Would you care…. to possibly… take my shifts this weekend?” You ask slowly, dancing around the topic. His eyebrows furrow and you could tell that is not what he wanted to hear from you.

“I mean… I don’t care to, but can I ask why?”

Shit. You couldn’t say it was to go to a small party. That would be an automatic no.

“Well, I’ve been tutoring someone recently and it's taken away from my own study time, so I really need all weekend to catch up on all my shit,” you say smoothly. Not a complete lie, but he didn’t need to know you would be catching up on your “shit” tonight and not this weekend.

“Yeah, sure whatever,” he waves his hand off, “Just be sure to tell our manager before you leave.”

“Right… thanks Mark.”

“That means you owe me a shift in the future,” he says pointedly.

“Yeah, yeah, read your fucking book.”

_____

Friday was a blur. You went to sleep around 3:45 AM. Had to wake up at 7 AM for your 8 AM lecture, dragged your feet to your other classes, barely had time to eat anything, only consuming coffee to suppress your appetite in the afternoon, and now that you were home you couldn’t wait to lay in your bed for a few hours.

Jennie didn’t have classes on Friday’s—fuck her—so she had been chilling all day when you burst through the door exhausted.

“You look horrible,” she said as soon as you flopped down on the couch beside of her.

“You don’t have to tell me that,” you groan covering your eyes.

“Well you better get rested up before tonight,” she says.

“What’s tonight?” You mumble, nearly drifting off to sleep right then and there.

“Jungkook invited us to his apartment, that’s what you said last night,” she gave you a funny look before shaking her head.

Shit. You had forgotten about that throughout your drowsy state all day.

“Yeah, right,” you pause, looking at her through the crack of your arm, “Wake me up at 7 to get ready.” You stand up planning on taking the fattest nap of your life.

“I-I captain!” Jennie says sarcastically and it’s the last thing you hear before passing out on your bed, not even bothering to put a blanket over you.

_____

Jungkook and Taehyung’s apartment isn’t far from yours. You wouldn’t say the exterior is nicer than yours, but the abundance of buildings shows that their community is much larger than the one you and Jennie share.

“This is right?” Jennie asks as you knock on the door heavily.

“Yeah,” you say, faintly hearing music from the other side of the door.

The door swings open and to your surprise, it’s Taehyung.

“Jennie, Y/N!” He smiles widely at the two of you before ushering you in. “It’s been wayyyy too long! You guys want a drink?”

You take a second to look around their apartment, not seeing Jungkook anywhere. There’s about two dozen people here, some playing pong, others sitting around the living area. You knew Taehyung was feeling a little drunk despite it being only 9 from the way he grabs a couple cups, the entire tower of them falling over.

“How have you guys been?!” Taehyung pours some cheap tequila into your red solo cups and hands them over.

“Good, what about you?” Jennie smiles to him and Taehyung pours another shot for himself.

“Fucking great,” he says before putting his cup out. The three of you bump cups and down the tequila, a familiar burn hitting you instantly. It’s oddly reminiscent, the three of you drinking alcohol like there are no problems with the world.

“Where’s Jungkook?” You ask, giving another glance around the apartment, only recognizing some of his frat brothers, but him still not to be found.

“He went to get more alcohol and some other things,” Taehyung says, pouring another shot for the two of you. “I heard the two of you finally got over your bullshit?”

You furrow your eyebrows and Jennie laughs. “W-what?” You have to laugh too, “Bullshit?”

“You know, how the two of you acted like neither of you existed? God it was so annoying hearing that little bitch talk about you constantly,” he rolls his eyes dramatically and Jennie eyes you suspiciously.

“Uh, yeah—“ you were unsure of what to say, “Heard you have a girlfriend now?” You change the subject quickly and Jennie raises her eyebrows at Taehyung.

“Really?” Jennie says almost passively. Taehyung doesn’t glance at you, only looking to Jennie.

“Yeah,” he says, “C’mon, drink your shit. The night is young and you guys need to catch up!”

“Or you need to slow down?” You offer and only giggles again. You down another shot and at this pace, you’ll be passed out by 11, Jennie by 10. You’ve always handle your alcohol better than her, but a shot every two minutes will do anyone in.

The three of you talk aimlessly, somewhat of an unresolved tension between Jennie and Taehyung that is impossible to avoid until you get some more alcohol in you. You’re about four shots of Jose Cuervo in and sipping on some type of seltzer when your phone buzzes in your hand.

[9:46 PM Namjoon] hey, wrud tonight

[9:46 PM You] at a friend’s place tonight, wbu

Your eyes are having trouble to focus as the alcohol begins to settle in your system. You remember vividly how you barely had any food today and you know you should stop drinking otherwise you might puke everywhere.

[9:48 PM Namjoon] damn, missing you. I believe you still owe me a rain check

You laugh at your phone.

[9:48 PM You] soon, I promise lol

“Jungkook! Fuck yes my brother!”

You instantly look up from your phone and see Jungkook walking through the front door, a case of beer in one hand and a brown bag in the other. He smiles as he sets down the case and bag of liquor as his brothers crowd around him to grab a can.

Do you go up to him? Yes, are you, stupid? But shouldn’t he look for you? What are you twelve?

Your internal monologue is interrupted when Taehyung pulls you over to Jungkook with a small push.

“Hey Y/N,” Jungkook smiles, grabbing a beer for himself. He’s wearing a hat to cover his forehead.

“Hi,” you smile and he gives you a small, somewhat awkward hug.

“Glad you could make it,” he says, the bruises on his face from the other day already looking a lot better.

“I was not going to spend my Friday night at the restaurant,” you laugh, trying intensely to focus on his face and not zone in and out as you tend to do drunkenly.

“Jennie here?” He asks.

“Yeah, she’s uh,” you pause, actually not knowing where she went. “Oh, she’s playing pong with Taehyung.”

“Come on then,” he reaches out his hand, “Let’s play with them.”

“Jungkook I’m terrible, you know that—“

“I never said you were good, but for old times sake?” His brown eyes bore into yours and you give in, nodding your head and settling your hand into his. His hands are warm—always have been. Slightly rough and calloused but smooth—what the fuck, stop it!

The four of you, girls verses boys, start a new game of pong and you’re sure Jennie is just as bad as you. That’s evident when Jungkook and Taehyung lob four in, one after another. You’re lucky you get one in their cups. Jennie, too drunk at this point, can’t even throw straight. The whole sight is very funny as the four of you laugh like you’re the only ones in the room.

“Come on Y/N!” Taehyung yells, “I knew you were ass but really?!”

“Me! What about her!” You defend yourself as Jennie throws a ball at Jungkook’s head.

“At least Y/N can aim!” Jungkook laughs, defending you as well, rubbing his head from the plastic impact.

The game ends with Jungkook calling island and you don’t even care at this point. Pong was and never will be your favorite. Flip cup was your speciality and even Taehyung knew that. You find yourself sitting with Jungkook on their couch, legs tucked underneath you, watching at Taehyung and Jennie take on another round of pong with Jackson—a fraternity brother—and his long time girlfriend—Mina, maybe?

“Are you even drunk right now?” You deadpan Jungkook with your eyes and he gives you a small smile.

“Nah,” he says, “You are though,” he says pointedly drinking from his beer.

“Hey—“ you point, “Only a little,” you whisper close to his ear and he laughs at you again. “You sir, need to drink.”

Jungkook shakes his head before standing up, your eyes following up his jeans to his t-shirt clad chest. Has he always looked like this? You grab onto his extended hand and he leads you away from everyone and your heart rate quickens. Where are you going? What’s he doing?

To your relief, he takes to the small outside balcony, sliding the door nearly closed as you step out. There’s two other people out here smoking cigarettes that greet you and Jungkook curiously. You have seen these boys before, but you know they don’t recognize you. They obviously think you’re some random girl Jungkook has invited but—if they only knew.

The fresh air feels nice, but you can feel a chill running down your spine and you watch Jungkook’s frame go to a dark corner of the balcony, bending down to pick something off the ground.

“What are you doing?” You ask him and he turns back to you and you send some interesting paraphernalia in his hands.

“Not in a drinking mood tonight,” he says, his eyes leaving yours before focusing on the small glass bowl in his hands. He starts to pack it and you’re watching his every move closely. You never knew Jungkook to be a stoner, but the way he packs it quickly and begins to light it, tells you otherwise. He inhales through the end of the bowl deeply, exhaling once, before quickly taking another hit.

“Goddamn,” you laugh and he starts to cough a little bit, a small laugh coming from him.

Jungkook begins to walk back to the corner before you grab his shirt to pull him back.

“You heard of sharing is caring?” You say and he shakes his head.

“No, you’re drunk, you don’t need—“

“I want too,” you say. You hadn’t smoked in awhile, but you knew you could trust Jungkook. “Come on, I’m fine.”

Jungkook hesitates a little before he holds out the bowl. You take it and hold is securely between your lips. He lights the underside and you inhale deeply. The balcony begins to smell like weed, but it doesn’t bother you, it never has. You exhale and give him a small smile. He puts the illegal substances away and stands beside of you on the balcony.

“Alright, that will be five dollars,” he says and you turn to him, your mouth agape.

“Five dollars a hit? Kiss my ass,” you say and you suddenly begin to feel the effects of the marijuana, which makes you giggle a little too long.

“How was your day?” Jungkook asks you and you nearly feel like you could fall asleep.

“Exhausting,” you mumble, “I got like four hours of sleep last night and one of my professors had the audacity to tell me that my answer was wrong on my homework when literally five other people had the same answer and got it right. And then I had coffee as my meals and had a busting headache until I took the longest nap of my fucking life—“

“Slow down,” Jungkook interjects with a laugh, “Too much information that I’m not processing right now.”

You let out an “ugh” before saying, “I’ve had better days for sure.” You leave it at that. “What about you?”

He smiles before turning to you completely, “I’ve had better days, better weeks for sure.” He almost sounds annoyed now, like something is deeply bothering him.

You let a pause presume between the two of you, unsure of what to say. You know you shouldn’t bring it up, but you can’t help it. The bruises on his face, the cuts on his hands—you needed to know what happened to him. Despite your intoxicated state, you could form sentences and think pretty clearly and you weren’t letting Jungkook out of your sight without explaining himself.

“Jungkook,” you say in a whisper, looking around to see if the other guys had left. They had. “Are you gonna tell me what happened to your face?”

He looks down, almost embarrassed. “There was a fight on Tuesday,” he stops when you furrow your eyebrows at him.

“Tuesday?!” You half whisper, “What the hell are you doing fighting on a Tuesday? Jungkook you said—“

“It wasn’t an official fight Y/N,” he interrupts you, “I was fucking jumped with one of my friends,” he says and your eyes widen. You feel your head spinning and your mouth goes dry. From the weed, alcohol, or the conversation? You’re not sure.

“What?” You ask, worry filling your tone, “Jungkook what the fuck! You said you had this under control.”

“Keep your voice down!” He scolds, “I do have it under control, although you can’t really control when you get jumped.”

“W-why? Who would want—“

“His name is Eric. I beat him at the last real fight and I guess he’s a sore fucking loser. He wants a rematch and everything, said he was injured before the fight, so he sent some pussies to jump my friend Jimin and I.”

The information being taken in wasn’t something you wanted to hear. Was this stupid underground boxing that serious? And how stupid could Jungkook be to continue to do this?

“Well you’re not gonna fight him again,” you pause. He doesn’t look at you. “Are you?”

“There’s a lot of money on the line,” he says.

“Jungkook you’ve got to be joking.”

“I’m not Y/N,” he turns to you again, his body now closer than before. His knuckles gripping the railing are pale and cracked. “If I win this fight, I won’t need anymore money before the end of the year. Hell, I’ll probably even have some left over.”

“Okay? And?”

“Then I can be done with fighting,” he sounds genuine but insincere at the same time. This greatly improves your posture and you feel your heartbeat calming down.

“B-but I figured you would need more money? Your parents Jungkook?” You stumble over some of your words.

“Y/N you don’t understand the money within these things, it’s insane. Trust me, I’ll be set with money for awhile. I just have to win that fight…”

You want to protest him. Tell him he shouldn’t do it, that he should find a normal job, get away from that stuff—but you stay silent. Jungkook always will be as stubborn as you and he seems to have made up his mind about this fighting stuff awhile ago. At the end of the day, whatever happens to him, isn’t necessarily your business.

“You know I’ll never agree with this,” you shake your head, looking down at Jungkook’s hands. They’ve relaxed against the railing and time has slowed down significantly. Every blink of your eyes seem to last 5 seconds and Jungkook could say the same thing.

“I know,” Jungkook steps towards you, overlapping one of his hands with yours, “But like I said, I trust you and you should trust me,” he almost sounds desperate. “Look at me,” he whispers and you slowly turn your head up. Your noses are nearly touching and you can smell him, your vision clouding in the dark.

“Do you trust me?” He asks quietly, licking his lips and you swallow, trying to find your breath.

You nod your head slowly, “Yes.”

You don’t know who leans in first, but when your lips meet, it’s like a siren goes off. The scene feels all too familiar. His lips are soft and they feel just like you remember. He’s gentle with you, his left hand holding your waist to pull you towards him, your bodies flush together. One of your hands finds their way to his hair and you pull him down closer to you. This feels good, really good—but isn’t this wrong? You two have just rekindled your relationship and you two didn’t even last four weeks before you two are snogging—the very reason your friendship became weird in the first place all those years ago.

You try to pull away, “Jungkook—“ he closes the gap once again and it’s like a drug—touch is like heroin in your veins. Both of you are hungry—hungry for each other. You’re not sure when, but you find yourself backed into the wall of the dark-side of the balcony. The door isn’t in view so anyone inside couldn’t see what was going on right now thank god.

“Y/N,” the groan sends your body into overdrive and he begins to trail his lips down your neck and you’ve pulled him so close to you there is barely room to breathe. It’s gotta be the alcohol—or the weed—or just Jungkook—but you’ve never wanted anyone more in your life. You squeeze your thighs together to find some unrelieved friction and Jungkook senses what you’re doing. He stops you, forcing is own leg between your crotch and you subtly moan.

“Fuck, shh,” Jungkook scolds and it makes you laugh as you check if anyone is coming to the door.

“Jungkook,” you whisper and he closes the gap between you again, covering your mouth gently and you genuinely feel butterflies in your stomach. Jungkook’s hand trails from your waist down to the front of you jeans and you pull away suddenly, “Jungkook w-what are you doing?!”

“Do you want me to do this?” He sounds mischievous as he pops open the button to your pants and you can safely say you never thought you would be in this situation with Jeon Jungkook of all people, but you are not about to stop him.

You kiss him this time, pulling on his hair, eliciting another delicious groan from him. His hand makes it way to your center and you shiver in the cold, his hands warm against your underwear. He rubs you through the material, once, twice, three times before he moves aside the fabric—the wetness covering his fingers instantly. You look towards the door again nervous that someone might walk out here and see the two of you compromised—you would die. Especially if it was Taehyung or Jennie.

“Quiet, alright?” Jungkook whispers and you nod biting your lip as he enters a finger into you. You close your eyes, mouth falling open. Your breathing picks up as he enters a second digit. His fingers are long and calloused as you noticed before but it feels so good. He brings one of your legs around his waist so he can get deeper into your center and a small, squeaky moan escapes from your mouth. Jungkook shuts you up by kissing you again and he begins to move his fingers in and out, curling them in all the right places, sending you into a silent mess.

You and Jungkook shouldn’t be doing this—not here, not right now, not ever. But you’re not doing anything to stop it. Neither is he. Is this suppose to be happening then? No—definitely yes. Wait, what? Your brain is so foggy you can’t even think straight.

Jungkook has added a third finger and it’s becoming harder and harder to stay quiet. Jungkook’s face in the crook of your neck, your neck in his—it’s all a little too intimate but it’s hot and heavy and it feels so good. Jungkook begins to use his thumb to find your clit, which he does with no problem—rubbing there and still moving in and out of you. Goddamn, he knows what he is doing.

“Jungkook, I’m gonna—“

“Shh,” he says, “Bite me, anywhere,” he says and you do as he says, your teeth clamping down onto his shoulder as you feel yourself falling off the edge. Your orgasm comes in a huge wave and it’s one of the best you’ve had in a long time—your body is shaking and you whimper into his shoulder, trying to keep as quiet as possible. Jungkook lets you finish before he pulls his hand out of your pants, letting your leg drop. You two stare at each other for a couple seconds, unsure of what to do now. You knew that Jungkook was hard in his pants but you weren’t sure if he wanted you to do anything about it. Should you ask? No that’s fucking weird. Well it’s fucking weird you just let your best friend of a billion years to give you one of the best orgasms of your life.

“Um,” he speaks first, “We should go back inside,” he says.

You nod, “Yeah, we should.”

You follow closely behind him as he slides the door open and you step back into the much warmer apartment.

“Y/N! Jungkook! What were you guys doing?!” Jennie pops out of nowhere until she steps back, “Fuck never mind, I can smell it,” she laughs, her eyes looking between the two of you. “What’s wrong with you two? Are you fighting again? Jesus fucking—“

“No, we’re fine, just high,” Jungkook gives her a reassuring smile and she nods absentmindedly. She is very drunk and then two of you might have to go home sooner than later.

“I need to call an Uber,” you say grabbing your phone from your pocket.

“I can drive you guys if you want,” Jungkook offers and you narrow your eyes at him.

“Absolutely not, you’re high.” You say pulling up the app on your phone.

“I’ve driven high before it’s not—“

“Jungkook, no,” you somewhat snap at him. This kid really knows how to grind your gears. “Thanks for inviting us, I just don’t want Jennie to do something she regrets tomorrow morning.” You try your best to lighten to mood but it’s not helping. As much progress as you and Jungkook had made the past few weeks, that all feels gone now. There’s heaviness with you and him and you hate it.

“Just let me know when you make it home?” Jungkook’s eyes are hard to read. He looks worried, anxious, high obviously, and other potential obscurities.

“I will, I promise,” you give him a smile and he returns one weakly. You look over your shoulder to find Jennie practically draping herself all over Taehyung. Fuck. “Jennie! Come on! We’re leaving,” you stomp over to the two of them and Taehyung doesn’t seemed bothered by Jennie throwing herself at him at all. If anything, they both seem to like it. “Jennie, quit, he has a girlfriend. Taehyung, you have a girlfriend,” you narrow at the both of them.

Taehyung laughs very drunkenly, “You’re right, come on Jen,” Taehyung pushes her away slightly and she stumbles over her feet.

“Our Uber is almost here,” you tell her and she nods.

“Sounds good,” she gives you a thumbs up.

“Help me walk her Tae?” You ask and he nods.

As you and Taehyung have Jennie up around your shoulders, you look around the apartment to find Jungkook to tell him bye, but he’s nowhere to be seen.

_____

It had been exactly one week since you’ve seen Jungkook. Since he was fist deep into your vagina, pleasuring you with at least 20 people in the room next to you. It has also been the last time you spoke to him. He didn’t reach out for any tutoring this week which was odd—as the two of you set a schedule for it a few weeks back. You were worried. You knew you should reach out to him and talk about what happened—but something was holding you back. You didn’t want to talk over the phone. It had to be done in person and it just had to be done. You didn’t want to lose Jungkook a second time to another drunken mistake.

Mistake? Since when was it a mistake? Was it a mistake?

You had no idea.

It’s why you’ve found yourself at Jungkook’s apartment a week later, waiting for someone to open the door. You wait patiently and no one answers the door. You’re about to give up when a voice startles you.

“Y/N? What are you doing here?”

Taehyung appears to your left and you jump.

“Shit Taehyung,” you hold a hand over your chest, “I’m sorry, I-I was just wondering if Jungkook was home?”

Taehyung adjusts his backpack. He must be getting back from class. “He’s probably at the gym.”

You nod slowly, “Alright, thank you.”

“No problem,” he says and you’re about to walk away and he stops you again, “Everything okay?”

You open your mouth and close it again, “Not sure,” you tell him honestly. He nods without another word, seeming to understand where you’re coming from.

If your assumptions were right, Jungkook would be at a gym about ten minutes from campus, one he frequented as a freshman all that time ago. You wanted everything to be okay, but now, you were sure you have done fucked it up once again.

The gym isn’t crowded and you don’t recognize any cars to be Jungkook’s so your mood begins to dampen as you walk towards the front door. The bell rings and you probably look like an idiot walking in with jeans and sandals, but your eyes ignore the stares as you try to find Jungkook. You walk through the gym towards the back, your neck craning each direction to find him. It smells of sweat and grit, something you haven’t done too much of lately. You’re about to give up until you reach the back, where a cracked door leads into another section of the gym. You open the crack slowly and the sounds of grunting and hard hits fill the room. You stop in your place as your eyes land on Jungkook, downing boxing gloves, a pair of shorts, and nothing else. You gulp.

He’s hitting a heavy bag hard and fast, his movements halting only for a split second before he strikes again. He’s dripping in sweat and you gulp again. Should you interrupt? He’s definitely not expecting you therefore you probably shouldn’t barge in but you’re already here, so what are you supposed to do?

“Come on Jungkook,” another man’s voice comes into play. You’ve never seen this guy with mint colored hair. “Throw a southpaw, let’s go!”

Jungkook’s stance quickly changes and he’s throwing his right arm and then uppercutting his left arm with all of his weight.

“Nice Jungkook,” the voice says again. Jungkook steps back with a smile on his face, looking behind him.

“Hey,” a different voice yells over and you stop to see who it is. A guy slightly shorter than Jungkook appears in the crack of the door, a wide smile across his face.

“Good news, fight is set,” the guy smiles, although his smile reads less than enthusiastic. You notice some bruising along this guys arms, a large scrap on the side of his face. This has to be Jimin, the other guy that was jumped with Jungkook.

“When is it?” Jungkook breathes heavily, his hair sticking to his forehead as he tries to push it back through his gloves.

“October thirteenth,” Jimin says, “A Friday.”

Jungkook laughs, “A fucking Friday the thirteenth? How cheesy could they get?”

You swallow harshly. October 13th was a less than three weeks away. You’re sure they are talking about the fight with the guy named Eric that Jungkook mentioned.

“I know right,” the nameless guy says, “But I’m sure you’ll kick his ass once again, waste of your time.”

“Don’t have to tell me twice Jimin,” Jungkook sounds annoyed and you’re starting to wonder if you should have came here at all.

“Come on, let’s do some more sets,” the other guy says says, patting Jungkook on the shoulder.

You take in a deep breath, hoping that this doesn’t backfire. You take your chance and open the door to the room as if you just showed up. Jungkook, Jimin, and the third guy turns to you.

“Y/N?” Jungkook asks, looking confused, “What are you doing here?”

You glance around the room awkwardly, “Uh, I-uh, went to your apartment to see you if you were a-and Taehyung said you were here, so,” you sound like a babbling idiot.

Jungkook’s eyes soften and it’s hard to not stare below his neck, but somehow you manage.

“Jimin, Yoongi this is Y/N,” Jungkook formally introduces you, “She’s a friend.” A friend. That hurt more than it should have.

“Hi,” Jimin gives you a sweet smile and he seems like a person Jungkook would automatically gravitate towards. Yoongi stays quiet. He’s definitely not someone you would strike as Jungkook’s friend.

“Sorry if I’m interrupting—I didn’t know…” you trail off, feeling more than awkward in this situation.

“No worries,” Jimin shakes his head, “We were almost done anyways.”

Jungkook’s eyes haven’t met yours since you’ve walked in. He’s staring at Jimin and knowing Jungkook, he’s going to try and leave as soon as he can.

“Wanna meet again tomorrow?” Jimin asks towards Jungkook as he packs up his bag on the floor.

“Yeah, sure,” Jungkook mutters, staring aimlessly at the ceiling. “I’m gonna stay here for a little longer though.”

“Alright,” Jimin says, “It was nice to meet you Y/N.”

You smile to him, “You too.”

Jimin and Yoongi leave the room and the silence is suffocating. You cross your arms around your chest feeling vulnerable and insecure. You look at Jungkook and he’s staring at you now. He looks away from you before turning back to the bag, lining up to strike it again.

“Jungkook,” your voice interrupts his chance to punch. He pauses with one more glance to your frame. You begin to walk closer to him wanting to get this over and done with. “What’s wrong with you?” You ask.

Jungkook looks down, “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he mutters and you nearly jump out of your body when he begins to strike the bag in quick, calculated motions. The bag moves backwards with each punch and his face tenses up, his mind clearly on one thing and one thing only. You exhale deeply, trying to stay calm. If that’s the way he’s going to play—you won’t keep your cool for long.

“Jungkook, stop,” you raise your voice over his movements and he suddenly quits, looking up at you again. “Don’t do this right now,” you say stepping closer to him again.

“What do you want Y/N, I’m busy alright,” he scoffs, stepping away from the bag, turning fully to you. You wish he didn’t look good drenched in sweat but it was hard to stay focused when he was looking like that.

“You know exactly what I want. You haven’t spoken to me in a fucking week Jungkook,” your words are fiery despite your cool demeanor.

“Is that really that big of an issue? We barely spoke for two years until recently,” he sounds annoyed, but also timid—you can sense something is bothering him.

You frown, “Yeah until recently because I thought we moved past that.”

He doesn’t say anything. And that’s what boils your blood. Tears are threatening to spill from your eyes—not from sadness, but frustration.

“So is that it? I let you finger fuck me and now I don’t mean anything to you anymore?” Your words are seething and once you say this, Jungkook’s face softens that slightest bit.

“What? No Y/N—“

“Then what the fuck is wrong with you? What have I done?!” It takes all of you not to breakdown right there. You just got Jungkook back. You couldn’t lose him a second time.

“Y/N listen,” Jungkook takes off his boxing gloves, throwing them in the floor, “You haven’t done anything alright. It’s just—complicated,” he shakes his head, stepping closer to you. He tries to grab one of your hands but you pull away from him.

“No, no you don’t get to do that,” you say, “What happened to communicating Jungkook? Wasn’t that our issue all that time ago?”

He looks down and back up. You really wish he would put a shirt on. “I know, I know…” he wanders off, “If I could tell you I would, but I’m just under a lot of stress right now and—“

“Then tell me what’s wrong,” you don’t want to interrupt him, but you feel like you two are going in an endless circle. Jungkook steps towards you once again and this time you don’t back away from him.

“Look, I’m sorry alright. I shouldn’t have cut you off this past week—I just thought it would clear my head,” he says. With hesitation, he grabs your wrists gently, “That was stupid I get that okay? I’m sorry, especially after… what happened,” he says and you can tell he means it. Jungkook is a genuine person, you can’t argue that.

Your face warms up and you feel almost embarrassed. Were you overreacting?

“I just don’t understand,” you mutter, “I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions but Jungkook, you’re worrying me. I don’t know what’s going on with us and this whole boxing thing is keeping me awake at night.”

He intertwines your fingers together and it’s comforting. Comfort you’ve been missing ever since a week ago. “Y/N, please just trust me okay? If I can get through these next few weeks I’m set and I promise you don’t have to worry about me anymore.”

“How can you promise that?” You look up fully at him and you’re a lot closer than moments ago.

“I don’t to make promises I can’t keep.”

You sure hoped he was right.

_____

Two weeks have gone by since your talk with Jungkook in the gym. He had resumed talking to you normally, although there was still something off about him. Then again, there was something off with you too. The intimate situation the two of you found yourself in a few weeks back, still hadn’t been fully discussed and it bothered you like no other. It bothered you because you couldn’t stop thinking about it. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t want it to happen again—or even further. Fuck, you shouldn’t be thinking about Jungkook like this. But don’t you have a right to? Jesus you were so confused. It’s why you have found yourself at Beta Tau Sigma once again on a Saturday night, Jennie already lost in tow somewhere, and you’re standing with Namjoon. Even though your mind was clouded with Jungkook, Namjoon was good company at keeping you distracted.

“What’s up with you lately?” Namjoon asks handing you another drink. You furrow your brows before taking a sip. Your face scrunches up at the taste—not the best.

“What do you mean?” You ask.

Namjoon gives you a straight smile, “Don’t play stupid,” he says. You don’t even try to make up a lie. Namjoon is too smart for that.

“I don’t know, Joon,” you sigh, “I’ve just been going through a lot lately I guess,” you mutter over the loud music.

“I get it,” he says, “Wanna talk about it?”

You’re about to answer him when you suddenly spot a familiar head of dark brown hair across the room. It’s Jungkook and he’s with a girl—you recognize her from somewhere. She’s standing in front of him and he’s smirking down at her and says something that makes her laugh. Then you know where you’ve seen her before—the bathroom girl. Fuck her, you don’t even realize you roll your eyes.

Namjoon laughs, “Whoa, what was that for?” He raises an eyebrow at you.

“W-what?” You look back to him and he follows where your eyes had been.

“Looking at Jungkook, eh?” He smirks, “Something going on between you two?”

You shake your head immediately, “No. Absolutely not.”

You didn’t know if that was a lie or not. Sure, Jungkook and you may have swapped some bodily fluids recently, but nothing else. You were also keeping a secret of his, one that if Namjoon found out about—would have him kicked out of the frat faster than he could blink. You glance back over to Jungkook one more time and find his eyes scanning the room. They land on you within 5 seconds and he shifts uncomfortably in front of bathroom girl.

“You sure?” Namjoon finds this situation funny. You don’t.

“Shut up,” you push on his chest slightly and he grabs your hand, pulling you towards him.

“Oh I can make you shut up,” he mumbles and you laugh as he closes the distance between the two of you. Namjoon’s lips are always soft and plump but that doesn’t mean he is always the most gentle. Namjoon is rough and sometimes—it’s just what you need. Jungkook’s lips on—

You pull away quickly from him. What the fuck?

“You okay?” He asks with concern.

You nod your head, “Yeah, I, just uh need some air,” you say. It was true—your head was now spinning and the alcohol wasn’t helping. You couldn’t believe you thought of Jungkook when kissing Namjoon.

“Alright, I’ll be by the bar.”

You leave Namjoon’s side and push your way through the hoards of people and loud music. You spot a door towards the back of the kitchen and use that as your opportunity. The air is cool but crisp. Just what you needed. There’s quite a few people outside surrounding a large bonfire keeping warm. You relax against the porch railings, staring aimlessly at the ground beneath you. You pour your drink out, knowing you don’t need to drink anymore of it. You nearly shit yourself when a voice comes up directly behind you.

“Y/N.”

You whip around, clutching your chest. “Jesus Christ Jungkook,” you say. His hands are stuffed in the pockets of his jeans, a large flannel and sweatshirt covering his torso. He approaches you hastily and you don’t take your eyes off of his.

“I didn’t know you were coming tonight,” he says, obviously trying to make small talk.

“I didn’t either until Namjoon asked me this evening,” you say and you instantly regret bringing up his name. Jungkook stiffens.

“Still good friends with him I see,” he bites his lip nervously, looking over to the bonfire. You squint your eyes at him. He sounds off and annoyed.

“I see you’re still friends with bathroom girl,” you shoot back. You’re not even drunk, barely tipsy, but the thought of Jungkook being annoyed at you and Namjoon nearly sends you. At least you know Namjoon well—the only Jungkook knows about that girl is her fucking mouth.

“Gotta an issue with that?” He runs his tongue against his mouth and he looks at your from the side.

You turn to him and this feels all too familiar. “Yeah, actually I do.”

“Well, I have an issue kissing Namjoon in front of me—are we even?” He cocks his head to the side and you’ve never felt more annoyed yet turned on at the same time.

“Whatever,” you brush him off running a hand through your hair, turning back to your front staring at the fire. “Last time I checked I don’t take orders from you.”

“I know,” he says and you feel him push his body against your side. Your breathing instantly picks up and you bite the inside of your cheek to steady yourself. One of Jungkook’s hands finds its way to your shoulder, trailing it down to your elbow, then pushing it through the crack of your arm to settle on your waist.

“Jungkook,” you say quietly, not wanting to bring any attention to the two of you. Jungkook’s head leans down, his temple brushing against yours. His hand rubs gentle circles on your waist and you inhale his scent deeply. Fuck. “Jungkook… are you drunk?”

He shakes his head, “No, are you?” You believe him. He doesn’t smell like alcohol nor does he seem tipsy.

“No,” you say. Jungkook pulls you impossibly closer to him and your throat feels like its closing up.

“Can I kiss you?�� Jungkook asks and you turn your head up, your noses brushing together. What? When has he ever been this upfront? You hesitate to answer but soon nod slowly—just once—you needed to feel it again—just once again. He closes the gap between you and you nearly melt into him. One of your hands grabs his face gently, pulling him down to you. Your own hands find their way to his fluffy hair, entangling into the locks. He presses himself into you and you feel your heart beating out of your chest. You let out a small whine when he pulls on your lip with his teeth and it shakes you back to reality.

You pull away from him—your entire body on fire. He’s got you trapped against the railing and you don’t trust the old wood to support your weight much longer.

“Jungkook,” you whisper and you feel something hard pressing into your front and your throat goes dry.

“Come home with me,” he says, “Please.” Desperation. That’s what laces his tone and you’re sure your heart left from your chest. But—you know this isn’t a good idea. Blame it on being sober, but you’re not sure you should go there with Jungkook. Not right now at least. Your head was spinning and as much as you wanted to—you couldn’t.

“Jungkook,” your eyes focus on his chest, watching your hands grip his shirt gently. “I—We can’t, we shouldn’t,” you bite your lip nervously.

“Please Y/N,” he nuzzles his forehead into yours, his grip on your getting tighter, “I need you, please—“

“Jungkook, no,” you push him off of you carefully and he looks hurt and confused. “I’m sorry, I—I want to but—“

“But what?” Once again, he looks sad and maybe a little angry now? “II’m not Namjoon? Is that it?”

You shake your head, not able to find a good answer in your head. His hands drop from your side and so does your stomach. Without another glance at your frame, Jungkook walks away, pulling at the roots of his hair.

You get home alone that night. Fuck. You think you really may have messed up this time. No, Jungkook wasn’t Namjoon but Namjoon could never be Jungkook. The history the two of you have... god you were so confused. You’re not sure you’ve ever felt gravity pull you to someone more since recently, that someone being Jungkook. As confused as your feelings were, you cry some in your bed. You don’t sleep that night, worried that whatever wedge is driving itself between you and Jungkook again—won’t be fixable this time.

_____

Jungkook, maybe much not to your surprise, cuts you off again the next week. You haven’t spoken or seen him since the party. Since he wanted you to go home with him and you nearly did, but thankfully you used your head some. You missed seeing his face dearly and missed his smile even more. When did things get so complicated with you and him? Ever since fucking graduation in high school—nothing has been the same. It’s been years and years and it’s something you’ve never gotten over. The more you think about it, the obvious reasons begin to show. Maybe Jungkook means more to you than you thought? Maybe he wasn’t just supposed to be your best friend? What if you two had been destined for something else all this time? Or maybe you weren’t meant to be friends at all?

Your thoughts are interrupted when a familiar face walks into your shift at the diner. Taehyung is by himself, his backpack thrown lazily over one of his shoulders. He looks tired, but just like you, getting through the day. His eyes meet yours and give him a small smile.

“Sit wherever,” you tell him and he decides to sit along the bar, sitting across from where you stand.

“Good evening,” he gives you a small smile, running a hand over his face.

“Hey Tae,” you breathe out, handing him a menu. He holds up his hand, not wanting it.

“Just get me a latte, extra espresso please,” he says and you nod.

“Coming right up.”

It doesn’t even take you a minute to make lattes now. The process has become so familiar it’s become second nature. Mainly due to your own obsession with lattes and your determination to perfect them yourself. You top the mug off with some foam before sliding it over to Taehyung. He doesn’t wait for it to cool before taking a big gulp.

“Rough day?” You ask, leaning forward on your elbows.

“You don’t even know,” he grumbles, “I had a quiz in my hardest class today that I didn’t know about, therefore didn’t study for,” he pauses, “I had to pick up all the slack on a group project that’s due on Saturday and then I have had to deal with Jungkook’s dumbass all week and he was at his worst this morning,” he rolls his eyes.

The mention of Jungkook makes your heart flutter yet stomach feel nauseated, “What’s wrong with Jungkook?”

Taehyung raises an eyebrow at you, “Don’t you know?”

“Um… he hasn’t talked to me in a week,” you look down at your hands, your mouth dry.

“Jesus fuck,” Taehyung groans, “No wonder he’s been in such a fucking mood. What did he do?”

You weren’t sure how to go about your answer. Um, yeah, so like Jungkook wanted me to go home with him to have sex and I did too and I didn’t and I don’t know why. Sounds great.

“It wasn’t him. It was me,” you pause, “He asked me to go home with him.”

Taehyung’s eyes widen slightly, a small smirk on his face, “Did you?”

You shake your head, “No, I couldn’t bring myself to. I wanted to but…” you trail off, slightly embarrassed to be telling Taehyung this.

“Goddammit,” he nearly laughs, “No wonder he’s pissy. Between you and tomorrow, kid’s got his work cut out.” You pick up Taehyung joking around but you still furrow your eyebrows.

“What’s tomorrow?” You ask.

“The 13th. Did he not tell you?” Fuck. His fight. Without talking to Jungkook everyday, you had forgotten about the fight.

“He mentioned it.”

“Are you going?” The question catches you off guard.

“What, oh no,” you shake your head, “No, he didn’t ask and I don’t think that’s something I wanna see anyways.”

“Trust me, he wants you there,” he says, “He’s just being a dick.”

“He’s got a funny way of showing it,” you snap. “Every time something happens between us… he shuts me off. I don’t fucking get it.”

“Y/N he does this to everyone when he’s stressed,” Taehyung pauses, “Especially since, you know,” he shrugs. The fights.

You nod, “I get it,” you slump, “It’s still frustrating.”

“You don’t have to tell me that—at least you don’t live with him,” he gives you a laugh and you send a smile in return.

“How do you feel about it?” You ask him genuinely, “The boxing I mean…”

Taehyung squints his eyes briefly, “I think it’s stupid personally,” this answer warms your heart until he continues, “But if I was as good as Jungkook I would probably do it too. The money in these things are insane.”

You raise your eyebrows, “So I’ve heard.”

Taehyung nods before he gets a text on his phone. He reads it before smiling.

“Your girlfriend?” You probe curiously.

He clears his throat, “Uh, yeah,” he responds quickly before turning his phone over. “So, what exactly is going on between you two?”

“Uh, what do you mean?” You laugh sarcastically.

Taehyung deadpans his face, “You know what I mean. I know you guys have this weird chemistry, it’s obvious. Plus he hasn’t shut up about you since you started tutoring him. Y/N this, Y/N that… it’s disgusting.”

Did Jungkook really talk about you?

“Ask him, not me because I don’t even fucking know. I could tell you what Kim Namjoon and I are before I could define mine and Jungkook’s relationship.” You let out a laugh and other eye roll.

“I’m assuming you and hyung are… what do they say? Friends with…?”

“Yeah yeah whatever you wanna call it,” you swat your hand slightly embarrassed.

“Jungkook hates it you know,” he says, switching tones. “You and Namjoon.”

You slightly snort, “And why is that?” You could tell Jungkook didn’t like seeing you with Namjoon, even before last weekend after he voiced it.

“Because he knows Namjoon is the type of guy you’ve always wanted, not him.” This takes you completely off guard.

“Why would Jungkook care about that?” You furrow.

Taehyung shrugs, staying silent this time. You weren’t stupid—you knew what Taehyung was implying by saying what he said. It makes your stomach drop. Maybe Jungkook felt more for you than he supposed to as well?

“So are you gonna come tomorrow?” He asks.

“No Taehyung,” you say, “I don’t want to see Jungkook get the shit beat out of him.”

“Jungkook won’t get the shit beat out of him, I can promise you that.”

You eyes glance over to the door as a small group of people walk into the diner. You don’t say anything else to Taehyung as you walk over to greet them. You seat them and make your way back to Taehyung, but you can’t chat much longer as you now have a table to tend to.

“Listen Y/N,” Taehyung stops you before you can walk back over with menus for the group, “If you wanna come, just text me. Like I said Jungkook wants you there, whether he’s said so or not. Also, another latte please, you’re slacking woman.”

You swat him with the menus before walking away from him. Goddamn, these next 24 hours were going to be hell.

_____

You couldn’t remember the last time you were ever this nervous for someone aside from yourself in a very long time. You remember how nervous you were in high school when you got injured and Jennie had to double with a girl on the bench of the tennis team. You remember being nervous for your parents when you left for college. And now, you don’t ever recall a moment in your life where you have been this nervous for Jeon Jungkook of all people.

It was Friday at 3:43 PM and you day was slow but painless, and you had no official plans set for the evening. Taehyung had texted you, wondering if you wanted to hitch a ride along with him to the match. You had yet to answer him. His text mocking you from your screen and you wanted to pretend that you knew nothing of the boxing match but that was impossible.

[You 3:59 PM] What time should I be ready

You send the message before you could regret it and delete it. Jennie has yet to be home from going to the store and you would need a good, yet believable excuse for your absence tonight.

[Taehyung 4:00 PM] i’ll pick you up around 8

[You 4:00 PM] Sounds good. Have you spoken to Jungkook today?

[Taehyung 4:02 PM] no he’s been quiet all day. have you?

[You 4:02 PM] Nope

You don’t receive another text from him and you slump down on your couch. It had been nearing two full weeks since Jungkook had spoken to you. You felt like all of this was your fault, sending him mixed signals and unsure of your own feelings for him. From the secretive finger fuck to the gentle kiss you shared last week, Jungkook was on your mind 24/7—aside from taking exams of course—but he was all you could think about lately. Growing up, you obviously loved Jungkook and was practically glued to his hip, but even then you don’t recall thinking about him every single fucking second.

You pull at the roots of your hair and let out a frustrated groan. Maybe you should reach out? After all, without your initiation of friendship all those years ago, you wouldn’t be here now.

You pick up your phone and find Jungkook’s contact and before you can stop yourself, you tap the call button. Your hands are clammy and you know he probably won’t answer, but it’s worth a try. The line rings for about thirty seconds before it goes dead. That dumbass doesn’t even have voicemail set up.

Pissed off even more, you slam your phone against the coffee table and let out an exasperated ‘fuck’ before going to your room to take a nap. Fuck Jeon Jungkook, is the last thought you have before you drift off into sleep.

_____

Taehyung picked you up at 8:02, though you told Jennie it was Namjoon who picked you up and the two of you were having a night in. You think she believed it but left her before she could ask anymore questions.

“I just don’t fucking get it Taehyung, one second he’s fine and another he’s like a child throwing a fit,” you filled Taehyung in on how you tried to call him but to no avail.

“You don’t have to tell me how he is Y/N, I fucking live with the guy,” he groans from his drivers seat. “I just think he’s going through a lot right now… with school, his parents, the boxing, you… he’s never handle stress that well you know that.”

You let out a sigh, leaning against the window, “It’s just so frustrating trying to help him only to get cut off like this…”

Taehyung looks at you with an eyeful glance though you don’t notice. “Y/N, in his eyes you’ve cut him off too, you do realize that right?”

You furrow your eyebrows. “What? No I haven’t?”

“Come on the little brat can’t keep his mouth shut. I know what happened with you two a couple weeks ago,” he says. You don’t say anything, cheeks getting warm. “And the weeks before that on our fucking balcony—“

“Okay what then Tae!” You interrupt him, too embarrassed by the memory.

“Jungkook is trying Y/N,” he says with a hint of a smirk, “He thinks you’re rejecting him,” Taehyung says matter-of-factly.

“Rejecting? C’mon Taehyung you know that I—“

“I know that you and Jungkook like each other, even though neither one of you have said anything, Jennie says it too.”

You narrow your eyebrows at your friend. “I don’t know what I think about Jungkook okay?” You’re being honest. You know you like Jungkook… but you’re scared of what that entails for the future. You want Jungkook in your future, you just don’t know what the right path is.

Taehyung doesn’t say anything else as he pulls his car into a fairly full parking garage. It’s dimly lit and slightly freaks you out. Taehyung had to drive to the other side of the city to get here and you don’t recognize the neighborhood around.

“Stay close to me, alright?” Taehyung opened your door for you and you nod without any argument. You follow Taehyung out of the parking garage into the chilly air and you huddle by his side. The two of you walk down a couple streets before he turns down a dark, dimly lit alleyway.

“Taehyung what the fuck,” you whisper and come to a halt. His brown eyes bleed into yours despite the darkness and he takes your hand into his.

“It’s okay,” he says reassuringly, “I promise.”

You nod reluctantly and the you continue to walk down the alley, coming to a stop at the end where you spot the familiar face of Min Yoongi. He’s standing down a small flight of stairs beneath you two and he greets Taehyung with a stiff smile.

“Taehyung, what’s up,” he says, his eyes immediately looking over at you, “Y/N?”

You tighten your grip around Taehyung’s hand, Yoongi’s stare quite intimidating.

“She should be on Jungkook’s list.”

You stay quiet knowing Taehyung doing the talking is the best strategy. Yoongi looks down at a clipboard—old fashioned but effective you guess—before nodding.

“You guys are good. Hurry and find a seat, there’s a lot of people down here tonight.”

“You got it,” Taehyung gives him a small smile before you drag behind him down the stairs and enter through a heavy door. You already hear plenty of commotion as you enter a huge space a few feet from the door. Your eyes look around and you could see nearly a hundred people just in your line of sight.

“Holy shit,” Taehyung says.

“What?” You get nervous by his tone.

“I’ve never seen this many people here, goddamn.”

“Why are there so many people here?” You spot a large boxing ring, dead center of the room and your mouth goes dry.

“I guess people like rematches?” Taehyung raises an eyebrow at you.

“Where’s Jungkook?” You ask, noticing how some eyes are staring at you, making you shift uncomfortably in your boots.

“Probably in the locker rooms… wanna see him?” He asks.

You bite your lip. “Does he wanna see us?” You hope Taehyung says yes. It’s killing you inside not being able to see him, hear him.

“Guess we’ll find out, c’mon,” he smirks and you follow him closely. As you look around, you do notice people you somewhat recognize. Whether it’s from walking around on campus or some of your classes, all these faces are not too unfamiliar. Taehyung takes you away from the crowd of people, through another set of doors and down another hallway. With this much walking and standing, you would have worn something other than booties. You enter the “locker room” area and you suddenly feel queasy. What if Jungkook is mad that you’re here? What if he doesn’t want to see you after all? What if—

“Y/N?” Your thoughts are broken by a honey-like voice and you focus in on the source. Jungkook sits a few feet away from you and Taehyung, back leaning against a wall. He looks confused, but also pleasantly surprised. “What are you doing here?” He gets up and does the unexpected—he embraces you in a tight hug. You return it without a second though, holding him close to you. He pulls away from you after a few moments and gives Taehyung a small hug too.

“Hey,” you say shyly.

“How are you feeling?” Taehyung asks his friend and Jungkook shrugs.

“I’m alright.” Jungkook looks at you again. “I didn’t think you’d ever come to one of these,” he laughs awkwardly.

“Me either,” you say with no expression. As much as you wanted to be happy—you couldn’t. You were pissed at Jungkook for ignoring you and you were pissed that Jungkook was about to fight. You eye his frame, a white t shirt and navy sweatpants hang low on his hips. He looks calm, too calm for your liking.

“Will you give us a minute?” Jungkook suddenly turns to Taehyung and he nods glancing at you.

“I’ll get some seats.”

Taehyung leaves you and Jungkook alone and you nearly feel like crying. What the fuck is this mess?

“Y/N listen to me,” Jungkook says stepping towards you, “I’m so sorry about thess past two weeks. I-I’ve been a dick for no fucking reason and it’s not fair to you.”

You don’t say anything as you stand there with your arms crossed over your chest.

“Fuck I know I’m idiot and there’s no excuse… I’ve just been so stressed lately and you’re the best fucking part of my day—“

“Well why don’t you fucking act like it Jungkook? I’m sick of something happening between us and you acting like a I don’t exist for god knows what reason,” you raise your voice slightly.

“Y/N I,” he pauses, his hands finding their way to your shoulders, “I haven’t been honest with you and,” he pauses again and you feel your heart speed up. What’s he talking about? “I just wanna say—“

“Jungkook, you got five minutes,” the two of you turn to Park Jimin who seemed to come in at the wrong time.

“Fuck,” he says, “We’ll talk after okay?”

You nod hesitantly and before you can push yourself away from him, Jungkook places a kiss on your forehead and it makes your insides melt. Fuck, you meet his brown eyes, biting your lip nervously.

A revelation springs into your mind; you think you might love him. He pulls you in for another hug, though this is one much shorter as Jimin is ushering you out of the locker room in the blink of an eye.

As much as you wanted to be mad at Jungkook, those thoughts had quickly subsided and replaced with butterflies and nausea. Did you really love Jungkook? You always have, but the feeling in the pit of your heart is pulling you to a different type of love. You cared about him, sometimes even more than yourself. You’ve always wanted the best for him, even if that meant sacrificing your feelings in the process. Now you were stuck between a rock in a hard place, much like you were back in high school when you had a crush on Jungkook. Fuck. And now you have to watch him fight someone like dogs,

You shake yourself from your thoughts, as loud music flows through your ears and you look around for Taehyung. Luckily, his ashy hair color is easy to spot amongst the crowd and you push yourself to him, squeezing in between bodies and their chatter.

“My bet’s on Jeon,” a voice says.

“Fuck no, Eric isn’t gonna let the same guy beat him twice.”

You try to ignore the snide comments about Jungkook and when you get to Taehyung, he greets you with a smile.

“Hey, everything good?” He asks.

You lick you dry lips, “I don’t know,” you say honestly. Taehyung’s eyes drop and he nods.

Suddenly, all the lights go out in the venue and a roar of screams and cheers fills the void. You stay still, pressing your body close to Taehyung. It’s not that you feel unsafe, but this environment—it wasn’t for you at all. You heart rate quickens when a man, give a few years on your age, gets into the boxing ring before you, the crowd cheering even louder for him. He bumps a microphone with his palm before bringing it to his mouth.

“Welcome, welcome!” He beams with a smile, “What an outstanding turnout we have tonight! You guys choose a good one to watch because tonight is the rematch of two of the best fighters I’ve seen in a long time…”

“Let’s give a welcome to our first fighter, weighing in at 148 pounds, 5 foot 11, Jeon Jungkook!”

Being an underground fighting ring, there isn’t a posse escorting Jungkook to the ring. He’s got Jimin by his left side, Min Yoongi on the right. Jungkook is shirtless, wearing only a pair of navy shorts, black and white boxing gloves on his hands. He enters the ring with cheers and you inhale and exhale deeply. You look up at Taehyung and he gives you a nod of reassurance to calm down. Jungkook jumps around in place a few times, shaking his arms and shoulders out. From your seat, you can’t read his eyes or facial expression—but he looks calm and unnerved.

“Coming in next, weighing in at 145 pounds, 6 feet tall, Kim Eric!”

Jungkook’s opponent walks in next, three guys surrounding him. He walks slow and steady, his bare chest tattooed beautifully, his boxing gloves a dark red. He enters the ring to cheers and this Eric guy’s gaze doesn’t leave Jungkook’s body one time. Jungkook hasn’t spared one glance at the guy and you find yourself somewhat smiling. Jungkook has always been a cocky-fuck when it’s come to sports which would usually annoy you, but here right now—he looked hot as fuck standing there as if he had no care in the world. Jungkook stands on the left corner of the ring, sitting on a small stool as Jimin and Yoongi talk to him. Jungkook nods, absorbing their information. Eric and his guys do the same.

Suddenly, both men stand and Jimin is putting a mouth guard in Jungkook’s mouth and with one last nod, he finally looks over at Eric, who has already made his way to the center of the ring with the announcer. Jungkook stalks over slowly, his eyes dark and hungry.

“Alright guys, I want a clean fight. No kicking, no cheap shots. If you get knocked down, I give you ten seconds to get up. You look me in the eyes and say you’re good before anymore fighting happens alright. We go for five rounds, unless more is needed. A knockout wins. Touch gloves.”

Jungkook sticks out his gloves for Eric but Eric only stares at him, ignoring the sign of solidarity.

“Fuck you,” Eric says to Jungkook and sends a chill down your spine. Jungkook rolls his eyes, backing away from him, but stays silent.

“Alright… ready… fight!”

Time slows as a bell rings loudly, the cheers get even louder, and you find yourself gripping Taehyung’s arm for support. Jungkook starts to move around the ring slowly, but Eric isn’t having that—immediately rushing to Jungkook to get a few jabs in. Jungkook manages to dodge them perfectly before Eric can corner him. Jungkook keeps his gloves high and never looks away from Eric. Eric comes after Jungkook again, jabbing once—twice—the third time hitting Jungkook square in the face.

“Shit,” you breathe out, eyes widening.

This time, Jungkook comes for Eric, his jabs coming quick and calculated, landing Eric in the body once. Jungkook jabs again and hits him in the face. Eric moves around quickly, Jungkook not quick to follow him. Eric comes after him again, Jungkook blocking his jabs, but missing at the end, leading to Jungkook getting hit in the face once again as well as a body shot.

Eric is coming in hot, throwing punches and jabs left and right, making Jungkook dance around to dodge them. After a few moments, Jungkook begins to fight back, landing Eric square in the face twice. You notice that Jungkook must have busted Eric’s lip as blood now protrudes from his mouth. This seems to send Eric into overdrive and attacks Jungkook quick and fast. You cover your mouth when Eric has Jungkook trapped against the rope, landing body punches after body punches.

“Alright!! Enough, break it up!!” The announcer gets Eric off of Jungkook and Eric starts to laugh in a very showman's way. Jungkook is breathing heavy and he tilts his head—a habit of his that comes out when he’s frustrated or angry. This seems to be both.

Jungkook and Eric continue to throw jabs at one another. Within a few seconds, the whole fight seems to change as Eric manages to slip past one of Jungkook’s blocks and lands him straight on the cheekbone. Jungkook’s body almost freezes before he falls back on the floor and you gasp at the sight.

“Fuck! Taehyung—“

“He’s fine, he’s fine,” he says but his eyes never met yours.

The announcer is on the floor with Jungkook counting down from ten and Jungkook finally sits up when he reaches the number four.

“You good son?” The guy asks Jungkook.

He nods, “Yeah, let’s go.”

Jungkook gets up and walks around, stretching his neck around, waiting for the ref to announce the second round.

“That’s what you get motherfucker,” Eric says walking past him to his corner. Again, Jungkook says nothing before sitting down. Jimin takes out his mouth guard and lets Jungkook drink some water.

“Why is Jungkook letting him hit him like that?!” You ask Taehyung, looking up to him, “He’s getting his ass kicked!”

Taehyung shakes his head, “Jungkook’s smart Y/N… he’s trying to run Eric’s energy out. If Eric keeps swinging the way he right now, he’ll be passed out on his own soon.”

The second round commences and this time, it’s Jungkook who comes out fast. Jungkook soon has Eric trapped against the rope, landing jab after jab. The ref intervenes and lets them get some air. Jungkook’s skin is sweaty and red hot and you don’t think you’ve ever seen him look as mad as he does right now.

Eric counters quickly, catching up with Jungkook again, landing punch after punch. Jungkook escapes but Eric sticks out a foot, causing Jungkook to trip. The whole crowd—yourself included—start to yell at the action. The referee pulls Eric back and points his finger at him. You can’t hear what he’s saying, but you know it’s a scolding by the way his mouth is moving quickly. You look over at Jungkook who shakes his head disapprovingly. He’s talking to Jimin as Yoongi cares to a cut on Jungkook’s eyebrow.

“He’s a fucking asshole,” you make out Jungkook saying.

The third round starts and it seems both Eric and Jungkook are equally fighting this time. Jungkook’s combinations are cleaner than Eric’s, anyone can see that, but the way Eric keeps landing in on Jungkook—makes you feel like this isn’t going to end well for him.

“Come on Jungkook!” You find yourself yelling in the chaos, your whole body shaking as Jungkook dances around the ring to get away from Eric. Eric has him trapped again, but with Jungkook’s strength, gets Eric off of him to turn the tables. There’s sweat and blood coming off both fighters and it’s got to be the most horrifying thing you’ve ever seen.

“Come on you little bitch,” Eric spits at Jungkook, “Is that all you’ve fucking got?”

Jungkook says nothing again, jabbing when he needs to.

“Fucking hell why won’t you speak to me you fucker?” Eric speaks again.

“I don’t have shit to say to you,” Jungkook finally retorts back. “You lost my respect when you sent those pussies to jump Park and I.”

Eric swings hard and Jungkook ducks, barely missing it by an inch. Eric is tired, Jungkook too, but Jungkook can see a weakness in him now.

“Come on it was all in good fun,” he says with a smirk, “You know what else would be good fun?”

Jungkook doesn’t say anything.

“Kicking your ass,” he pauses and before Jungkook can do anything else, Eric swings down hard, landing on Jungkook’s body knocking the breath out of him. Jungkook stumbles backwards, holding his stomach, he lands again on the ground with a clunk. Eric stands over him, before taking out his mouthpiece, “And stealing your bitch you invited tonight.”

“Goddammit,” you mutter watching the scene unfold in front of you. No one knows what they’re saying to each other over the noise and you honestly couldn’t care. You just want Jungkook to get up and finish this shit.

Jungkook stands up, though with a visible wince in his face. He’s breathing heavy and is filled with pure rage. The fourth bell rings and it doesn’t take long for Jungkook to attack him. Jungkook is fast and furious, landing punch after punch and you’ve never been happier for someone to get their ass kicked. Jungkook lands a punch straight across the face, causing Eric to stumble backwards. Even though you know nothing about boxing, Eric looks exhausted where Jungkook looks ready for more. With everything left in Eric, he starts coming after Jungkook. Jungkook blocks until he can’t block no more, but something in Jungkook’s stance changes. Jungkook steps forward, his right hand landing straight on Eric’s face cause his form to break. Jungkook steps quickly again, his left hand bringing an uppercut to Eric’s jaw.

The room nearly falls silent as Eric loses balance, going down straight on his back and head. When he hits the ground, the room erupts in a roar so loud it nearly deafens you.

“Holy shit!” Taehyung exclaims. The ref is down on the ground, counting down from 10, and then it’s at 5 and then 3 and then—

“Ladies and gentlemen, Jeon Jungkook wins this rematch!” The ref grabs Jungkook’s hand and holds it up over his head and you find yourself jumping up and down, pulling Taehyung down for a hug.

“Taehyung oh my fucking god!” You exclaim. He smiles brightly at you.

“I told you, he knows what he’s doing,” he says and you nod. You couldn’t deny it now—as stupid as Jungkook was for getting involved in this, his talent for the sport was extraordinary. “Come on, let’s get to his locker room,” Taehyung pulls you by your hand and you make your way back to where you were earlier.

Jungkook hasn’t arrived yet, but you find Yoongi already in there, setting out a first aid kit.

“Hey guys,” he says, “Great fight, huh?”

“Yeah, it was brilliant,” Taehyung says. The door opening catches your attention and Jungkook walks through with Jimin. Your eyes instantly meet and you can’t even stop yourself from running to him and throwing your arms around him. He exhales deeply with a sharp wince, returning your bone crushing grip with his own.

“Alright lovebirds, he needs to get fixed up,” Yoongi’s voice interrupts you two. You hesitantly let him go and he sits down in front of Yoongi, sitting forward on his knees. He’s still breathing heavy, dripping sweat everywhere.

“Fucking hell Jungkook, since when do you box southpaw?” Taehyung pushes his shoulder slightly and Jungkook only laughs as Yoongi wipes away the blood on his eyebrow.

“I’ve been working on it for awhile,” he says, “Just never had the right time to use it… until tonight at least,” he says giving you a glance. “Eric is all talk, no bite. I can’t fucking stand him.”

“Well, I don’t think you’ll be boxing him again anytime soon,” Jimin says, “He’s embarrassed himself twice now.”

“Yeah, agreed,” Yoongi chimes in, placing one of those bandaids that pull the skin together like stitches above Jungkook’s eyebrow. “No one will want to box you now knowing you can southpaw.”

Jungkook looks at you and you furrow your eyebrows at him. He said he wasn’t going to fight after this, but the way they are talking—it sounds as if he is.

“Well, I think my boxing career is probably over after tonight,” Jungkook speaks up as if he could read your mind. He tears his eyes away from you as the others look confused.

“What?!”

“Why?”

“Jungkook c’mon!”

“Guys,” he breathes out, “I made a promise, okay? Besides, I have enough money now, I don’t need anything else.”

Your features soften as you listen to his words. His promise was to you. A smile grows on your face as you watch his body calm down from his intensified state. Once Yoongi is finished, he packs everything up. The five of you talk amongst yourselves before Taehyung turns to you.

“You ready to go home?” He asks.

“I can take you home,” Jungkook says before you can answer.

“Okay,” you give him a small smile that he returns.

“Okay then, I’m gonna head out, I won’t be home tonight Jungkook,” he says.

“I know I know, at your girlfriends,” Jungkook swats his hand and Taehyung flips him off before leaving.

Jungkook stands up throwing on a shirt and slipping into Birkenstocks. “Come on,” he says to you, holding out his head. You gladly take it and it feels more like home than home ever has.

_____

“Fuck Jungkook, how much money is this?” You ask him as he hands you a white envelope as he unbuckles himself in the driver seat. The envelope is thick and you peak out of curiosity, your jaw dropping.

“I told you,” he says snatching it back from you, “As much food as I’ve bought you lately, hopefully this will last.”

You swat at his sarcastic comment before letting out a laugh. Instead of going home, you asked Jungkook to go anywhere but there. You’re parked outside of his apartment complex, which was fine with you. The two of you needed to talk. Not much talking goes on as a silence falls between you two.

“Y/N.”

“Jungkook.”

The two of you laugh as you speak at the same time.

“You first,” you say, turning your body to face him fully.

He takes a deep breath before speaking, “I know I said it earlier but I really am sorry about this past week. There’s not an excuse that justifies me acting like a complete dick to you, especially when you’ve been nothing but nice to me.”

You stay quiet, unsure of what to say.

“And when I said you’re the best part of my day… I fucking mean it. I’m sorry for coming onto you like I have, I just,” he doesn’t finish, his eyes looking everywhere but you.

“Jungkook,” you get his attention again, reaching over the console to grab his hand, “Don’t apologize for that. Yeah, you’ve been a dick each time something happens between us but that’s the apology I care about.”

“I just don’t know how to say it,” he mutters, caressing your hand gently.

“So you’re really not going to box anymore?” you inquire. Jungkook was good, more than good... it couldn’t be easy giving up on that.

He shakes his head, “No. I told you I didn’t want you worrying about me anymore. I keep my promises,” his smile his sweet and you swear your feel yourself melting more and more into his touch.

“Jungkook,” you let out a deep sigh, “I didn’t realize how much I needed you in my life until we became friends again. You know almost everything about me and I don’t want anyone else to ever take your place…”

It’s hanging there by a thread—the words on your tongue—and you’re not sure you can say them and they feel constricting—but you know you have to and—

“I love you,” the words come from your mouth and you feel like you could puke. “I don’t know when or why, but I’m in love with you Jungkook. You’re all I think about anymore and I don’t want anyone else when you’re right here.”

Jungkook parts his mouth, staring at you with a look you can’t read. Fuck, you fucked this up for sure.

“Shit—I know that was so rushed and stupid. Fuck I’m an idiot—“

“Y/N,” Jungkook’s voice interrupts you and you try to hide within your own body from embarrassment. With your hand of yours in his, he pulls on it, forcing you closer to him. You look at him wide eyed before he presses his lips against yours firmly. As usual, his lips feel so good and you melt into him. This is good right? What the hell is going on? You pull away from him after a few moments, an unsure look on your face.

He nuzzles his nose against your own before speaking, “I’ve wanted to tell you that since the night of our graduation.”

“Really?” You ask as you feel your palms sweat, heart racing.

He nods, “I’ve been in love with you for god knows how long now.”

A smile creeps upon your face and you let out a sigh of relief. Jungkook watches you with interest, tucking some of your hair behind your ear.

“I can take you home whenever,” he says quietly.

You’re quick to shake your head, “No, it’s okay… I can stay, if you want,” your voice trails off and you suddenly feel shy under his gaze.

You don’t notice how Jungkook bites his lip but he does say, “Yeah. Of course.”

_____

Jungkook’s apartment is how you remember it, though a lot quieter without Taehyung here. You’re sure the reason Jungkook’s apartment is spotless is because of him. He has always been clean and organized and Taehyung… well he was Taehyung.

“I’m gonna get in the shower, my room is in here if you wanna chill,” Jungkook says and you give him a small nod. He rids his shirt before he even closes the bathroom door and it makes you gulp. This is new territory for the both of you. The two of you just admitted your love for one another and you’re about to spend the night with Jungkook? And not in a friend way? Jesus Christ you could be tripping.

You walk into Jungkook’s room and it smells just like him. His bed is neatly made and his desk is sprawled with two computer monitors and some notebooks from school. His walls are decorated as you’d expect—a Korean flag hanging, a ‘Saturday’s Are For The Boys’ flag—typical—and a few Beta Tae Sigma plaques scattered. What catches your eye is a wall of neatly lined photos taped to the wall. You look around at all of them with a smile. Most of them are Jungkook and his frat brothers, Taehyung, a few of his older brother, there’s even a picture of you, him, Taehyung, and Jennie from high school. One that catches your eye the most is one of just you and him. It’s an old picture but the memories from that day flood your mind. It was from your first week of freshman year here at university. Both of your smiles are wide and you two are hugging each other’s frames closely. Jennie took the picture you remember. It makes you smile to yourself, butterflies entering in your stomach. Did you love Jungkook then and didn’t know it? The way you’re looking at him in the picture would say so.

You suddenly feel an urge to be close to him again. You’ve never been a ballsy person but as you look back at the bathroom door that’s closed, your desire to be touched again by Jungkook again overwhelms your senses. Closing your eyes briefly, you don’t need much more convincing before your stripping yourself of your jacket and shoes. You kick off your jeans and sweater, leaving you only in your undergarments. You tip toe to the bathroom, grabbing the handle, opening it easy.

The shower water is loud and there’s steam in the small quarters. Jungkook is humming to himself as you start to take off the rest of your clothing. With a deep breath, you grab the shower curtain, pulling it back. Jungkook’s back is facing you but he hears you instantly.

“Shit Y/N you scar—“ he stops mid sentence as he takes in your naked frame getting in the shower too.

“Hi,” you mumble meeting his eye contact.

“H-hey,” he nearly chokes on his own air, trying to keep his eyes up from your breasts.

“Scooch,” you smirk at him to move to get underneath the water too. He does as you say watching you curiously. You’re in the process of wetting your hair when his chest is pressed firmly against your back.

“This wasn’t expected,” he says into your ear, his hands moving to grip your waist from behind.

“You’re the one that wanted me to go home with you,” you say giving him an innocent glance over your shoulder. He laughs biting his lip, pressing them against the skin behind of your ear. You lean into the physical contact, feeling almost all of your stress go away instantly.

You spin around to look at him fully as it’s a frenzy whose mouth collides with whose. He leans down to grasp your lips in their entirety, pulling you closer to him than you ever have been. He pulls you away from the water so it doesn’t get in your face as he presses you against the shower wall. His tongue dips in and out of your mouth, his hands free roaming over your breasts and down to your ass, whatever he likes within the moment. Your hands grip his dark locks as he moves his mouth from your mouth, to your neck, down to your chest. He waste no time taking your right nipple in his mouth and you exhale deeply at the feeling.

You pull his face back to yours, kissing him again not able to get enough of his lips. His hands trail down from your ass to the front of your thighs, getting closer and closer to your wet center.

“Is this okay?” He asks as his fingers rub slowly back forth between your entrance. You can barely speak as his touch is setting you on fire but you manage to nod.

“Yes, please, Jungkook,” you say. He enters one finger, then another stretching you out nicely. Fuck you forgot how good this felt with him.

“Fuck you’re so wet,” he breathes heavily and you glance down at his hardening cock. Your mouth waters at the sight. Jungkook lifts one of your legs and starts to take his fingers in and out of you slowly and agonizing. He fingers you deep and rough and you can already feel a climax coming.

“Shit,” you croak out as Jungkook rubs one of your nipples, kissing your neck. There’s a pain at the back of your head at his force pushing you against the wall but it’s easy to ignore when it feels so good below your waist. “Jungkook, I’m gonna come,” you say as the snap inside of you is about to break.

“Come on baby,” his voice is deep and groggy. As if on cue, you feel your climax wash over you and you’re not shy to be loud. You know no one is here so it doesn’t bother you one bit. Jungkook kisses you against feverishly as he pulls his fingers from you. You feel impossibly empty but you know what you want to do and you’re not near anywhere tired. Your hands travel down to his front, grasping his hard dick in your hands. God, he’s so big.

“Oh fuck,” Jungkook seethes through his teeth as you pull on the sensitive skin, all the way from his pubic hair down to the tip. He places a hand beside of your head, leaning forward against your forehead. His eyes are shut tightly and you lick your lips, wanting to take him in your mouth.

You push him away from you slightly and move down to your knees, your face front and center with his beautiful dick. You take no time to put him in your mouth which causes Jungkook to groan loudly.

“Y/N,” he says looking down at you. He’s never seen a better sight. You make sure to keep eye contact as you bob your head up and down his shaft. While one of Jungkook’s hands stays against the wall, his other grips your hair, fisting it into a makeshift ponytail. “Oh fuck—He pulls on your hair and it only makes you want to please him more. Your left hand go to his balls, the right helping you up and down his length. He pulls your hair again and you take as much of him as you can. His tip reaches the back of your throat and you gag around his length and Jungkook thinks he could actually cry. Watching you through half open lids, he decides this isn’t how he is going to come—not tonight at least.

He grabs your hair and pulls you away from him and you’re slightly confused when he brings you to your feet.

“Come on, I need to be inside of you,” he says and you nod eagerly as he turns off the shower. He leads you out of the bathroom in a frenzy, pulling up into his bedroom. You shut the door behind you and he pins you against it, kissing you hard and deep.

Both of you are dripping wet but neither of you care to dry off as he carries you to his bed. You settle on his lap as his hands rest on your waist tightly. Your hands grip his face just as tight but you’re careful not to touch his injury above his brow. You couldn’t believe he was just fighting two hours ago—that seemed like forever ago compared to now. A lot can change in a short period of time and it makes you slightly chuckle against his mouth.

“What?” He breaks the kiss asking you with a hazy grin.

You shake your head, “Nothing,” you smile pushing his hair from his forehead. You liked seeing it. “I love you,” you repeat. And you probably won’t stop, ever.

“I love you too,” he says, “So much.”

“Let me ride you,” you whisper in his ear and his eyes light up like a child. “Are you clean?” You ask him.

He nods quickly, “You?” You nod in response and both of you feel excited and anxious.

You rub your hand against his length again and you hold it up as you adjust yourself to sit on him. As soon as his tip enters you, a shiver runs down your spine. As you sink yourself lower, groans come from both of your mouths, a deep moan erupting from you when you bottom out.

“Oh my god,” you breathe in and out to control yourself.

“Ride me baby,” he says and you start to move your hips against his. He fills up every inch of you and it feels so good. Your hips lift away from his and he chases them with his own thrusts. He kisses your neck as you throw your head back, your hands digging into his shoulders for leverage.

“Fuck Jungkook,” you say seeing stars in your eyes, “You feel so good,” you whine.

“You have no idea,” he says against your sticky skin, one of his hands bruising into your waist helping you ride him in a fluid motion. “Goddammit,” he says.

As you grind against him, your clit rubs against his pubic hair, sending your toes curling. He senses that you’ve found your sweet spot against him and places his thumb there instead to rub the sensitive bud.

You feel yourself inching closer and closer to a second climax when Jungkook stalls your motion.

“Lay on your stomach,” he breathes and you do as he says climbing off of him quickly. He doesn’t even give you time to get there all the way before he’s grabbing your hips to pull your ass to him. He slides right into you and you nearly scream into his mattress. Your hands grip the sheets as he fucks you deeper from behind. He smacks your ass once, twice sending a loud whine from your mouth.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” you mutter trying to focus on Jungkook’s whines and small ministrations from his mouth. He reaches forward, rubbing your clit again and you want to die and go to heaven at the feeling. Neither of you try to be quiet anymore as you feel the second orgasm coming over you. You clench and unclench around Jungkook’s length as he stalls his thrusts to feel the action.

“Come inside of me,” you say, knowing both of you are clean and you have an IUD.

“Jesus,” he breathes, picking up his pace again chasing after his own high. As the sensitivity becomes too much, Jungkook finally lets go, coming deep inside of you. He holds your hips close against him, trying to deepen his climax as far as possible. The hot cum inside of you feels good and you moan at the feeling.

When Jungkook finishes completely in you, he pulls out with a sigh. You collapse against the bed, completely spent. Jungkook finds a clean rag in his pile of clean laundry and is quick to clean yourself and him up. You feel like you can barely move as Jungkook joins you in his bed. He turns you over to face him and he kisses you gently which you return happily.

“I love you,” he says for the third time tonight, kissing your nose.

“I love you too,” you entangling your legs together. The room is silent apart from your breathing and you’re about to go to sleep when he nudges you with his hand.

“Come on,” he says.

“What?” You ask.

“Let’s actually take a shower now since someone wouldn’t let me,” he eyes you with accusation.

You squint at him before flipping him off. “Fuck off.”

_____

The next morning you wake up with Jungkook hugging you from behind, his face nuzzeled in your hair. You have no clue what the time may be, but you since it’s early by the way the birds chirp out the window. You stretch out your arms as best as you could and try to move your legs, but it doesn’t work since Jungkook’s heavy legs are tangled with your own. You’re tempted to fall back asleep but when Jungkook moves behind you, you turn to see his ruckus. You’re met with his brown eyes and you jump slightly, not expecting to see him awake. Both of you let out the faintest of laughs, not saying anything.

Jungkook leans over and kisses your lips, “Good morning.” His voice is groggy and he shuts his eyes again as you fully turn your body to his.

“Good morning,” you respond, watching the way his chest rises and falls gently. “How’d you sleep?”

“Hmm, really good,” he mumbles. You are about to join him in closing your eyes again until a loud rumble comes from your belly. Jungkook laughs.

“Hungry much?”

“Starving,” you groan, “I didn’t eat dinner last night.”

“Why not?”

“I was too nervous before your match… I thought I would yak if I ate,” you answer. Stupid, you know, but it was your train of thought last night.

He opens his eyes again, “Let’s go to the diner for breakfast… employee discount.”

You glare at him, “Is that all I am to you? A fucking employee discount,” you say saracastically.

“And my girlfriend if that helps?” He raises an eyebrow. Your cheeks heat up and you smile.

“Welllll, since my boyfriend is rich now and gets a discount, I’m assuming he’s paying.”

He smirks, “Obviously.”

“Will you take me to my place so I can change? And then we’ll go?”

He nods, his hand caressing the side of your body, “As much as I wanna stay in bed, I could really go for pancakes right now.”

“Waffles are superior,” you remark.

He frowns with a disgusted face, “Get the fuck out of my bed you heathen.”

_____

Jungkook insisted on coming up to your apartment with you because he didn’t want to wait in the car, but you know he just wants to see you change in front of him. Boys are all the fucking same.

As you fumbled with the key, the door opens and whatever Jungkook is saying to you is suddenly drowned out when you see—

“Jennie?”

“Taehyung?”

The names leave yours and Jungkook’s mouth as you watch the scene in front of you. Jennie is sitting on the counter, Taehyung in between her legs with a coffee cup in hand. Could be worse but what the fuck is going on?!

“Shit,” Jennie says pushing away Taehyung. “Hey guys,” she smiles awkwardly. You and Jungkook look at each other confused before Jungkook speaks.

“Uh, Taehyung?” He asks and Taehyung is. as red as a tomato.

“Oh fuck,” Jennie mutters shaking her head. She looks at Taehyung for backup.

Taehyung pinches his nose before speaking, “Um… we’re dating.”

You and Jungkook have the same reaction as your mouth drops.

“Jennie is your secret girlfriend?” Jungkook asks.

“Surprise,” Jennie smiles again looking at you.

You look at Jungkook and shake your head at the four of you. What a fucking cliché.

The four of you go to breakfast together that morning and it’s like old times, just with a sprinkle of something new. As long as the four of you have known each other, you’ve always had each other’s backs. Even now, with you and Jungkook and Jennie and Taehyung—you know that would never change from here on out. Turns out, Jennie just thought her and Taehyung were friends with benefits, while Taehyung was telling everyone he had a girlfriend because he was that smitten with her. The four of you laugh at the situation at hand and you couldn’t believe everyone was back together... like this. As Jungkook’s pancakes and your waffles arrive, Jungkook’s beaming smile lighting the whole room you think to yourself—this is how it’s supposed to be.

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