#this made so much sense in my brain while this song was playing on loop but idk

[flashnthunder]

"So, picture my surprise when I had tried to lean in for a kiss And she just smiled and turned her head down,

And I asked her, "Why?"

She replied it was nothing I was doing wrong, it's just what it is. No, classy girls don't kiss in bars like this"

The Lumineers- Classy Girls

[lalachat]

"And there you were..."

Author's note: I am starting to understand writers block... How does SJM and my fellow fic writers do this! This story was just a silly little thought i had in my head and now i'm writing thousands of words about it! My brain is running empty😭 But all of your love and support has made me want to keep writing! Luckily I popped some tunes on and one of my favorite songs came on! I encourage you to play it while you read this chapter because it what inspired it(hence the title)! It's called Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson! But I have a couple of ideas to get more plot in this story, both dramatic and smut. For now just sit back and enjoy this short relaxing blerb before we start to kick the heat up a bit! LOVE YA😙

Summary: You and Lucien wake up slow and have a nice breakfast over banana pancakes.

This is for all my Lucien girlies❤️

Warnings: the tension increases, flufffy fluff fluff, use of profanity, some typos

Word Count: ≈1,740, I’m sorry it’s not longer! I’ll make up for it later🫶

Chapter 3: "Banana Pancakes"

You were woken up by the sunlight peering in through Lucien’s bedroom window. However, you didn’t want to move. You looked up to see Lucien still peacefully asleep with his arms around you. You couldn’t help but smile at the male. His beauty was so unique compared to the others. Sure, Azriel was handsome, but Lucien was handsome in a different kind of way, and you loved him for it. After your conversations, you truly learned how much he was put through. No one recognizes his trauma or spares his problems a glance. He was put through just as much, if not more, as the others he’s surrounded by. You looked at the long scar on his face and frowned. How you wanted to take all the burdens he hides beneath the surface and put them on your shoulders. This male deserved so much better. Even after everything he has been through, he still puts himself last for anyone, especially Elain and Feyre. Hell, he was even here putting you first by offering you a comforting night. You don’t know how you survived without him as a friend the past couple of years. You are not letting him go again.  

You decided to be bold and reach out to cup his face and trace your thumb across his scar. Why couldn’t the mother have blessed you with someone as caring as him? Instead, you got Azriel who doesn't even spare you a glance. How are you supposed to feel comfortable telling him he's your mate if he won't look at you? You sigh and keep tracing Lucien's scar. Your fingers start to travel from his scar, to tracing along his jaw, and through a couple strands of hair. Your eyes follow every move your hand made. Your fingers start to move to his lips before you stop. His lips... you wondered what they would feel like against yours again.  

“Why did you stop?” You practically jump at the words as he looks up at you and smirks. 

“FUCK ME! Lucien, you scared the crap out of me! Don’t do that!” you swat his bare chest playfully, and he chuckles. Oh my god... his morning voice. The deep scratchiness of his chuckle had heat wanting to spread throughout your body. Gods you wanted to hear it again.  

“If the lady wishes, I will gladly fuck her, but how about some breakfast first?” he slowly started to get out of bed.  

Did you just hear that correctly? Was he joking or was he being serious? Before you could finish your questioning thoughts Lucien sensed your concentration on the matter. 

“Y/n I was just teasing you! Not about the breakfast part though, I am starving!”  

“Oh... okay. It just threw me through a loop for a second.” you smile as you wave your hands around.  

“my, my, my y/n... You seem a little disappointed.... OMG YOU WANT ME!” Lucien circled his finger around and booped your nose. 

“Ugh, as if!” as you got out of bed and stood next to him. You reached your arms above your head and stretched out your body from sleeping all night. “Man, that was the best sleep I have gotten in a while.” You looked up and smiled at Lucien, but his eyes were glazed over.  

While you were stretching you didn’t realize your shirt had come up a bit, giving Lucien a little show of your upper thighs. You looked at him again, “what?!” 

He shook his head, “Its nothing, I also slept soundly. Now, how about some breakfast?” and smiled at you.  

You followed Lucien to the kitchen. Eyes scanning over the muscles on his back, and gods, those slutty little gray sweatpants were not helping you stop your oogling.  

You finally reach the kitchen, and he turns around to ask, “So what are we craving this morning?” Your brain went down the gutter when he asked that question and it caused a giggle to escape your mouth. 

“What? What’s so funny about breakfast y/n? This is no joking matter!”  

“Right! Sorry... how about some pancakes and fruit?” 

“Sounds like a plan!” as he starts to grab all the ingredients and utensils you will need to make breakfast. “Would you like to cut the fruit while I start the batter?” 

“Sure!” as you grab the cutting board, knife, and a couple of fruits. You saw Lucien had picked out bananas. You start peeling all the bananas and place them on the cutting board to start cutting. As you cut the bananas you help but to snag a couple of slices. You sneak a couple more in your hand and walk over to Lucien making the batter. “Open!” you demand as you point to his mouth. He looks at you mischievously and does as he's told, never stopping his mixing of the batter. You pop a couple of banana slices in his mouth and smile at him.  

“Thank you,” he says with a mouth full of banana.  

“Chew with your mouth closed Lucien, no one wants to see that.” You laugh. He swallows and dips his finger in the batter and turns towards you. 

“Your turn!” you roll your eyes and open your mouth, only for Lucien to put it on your nose while chuckling. 

“Lucien, are you kidding me right now?!” 

“Sorry, I saw the opportunity and i took it. Here, let me help you.” he swipes the batter off your nose with his finger. You can feel his hot breath on your face, a hint of banana mixed in. “Open, for real this time. I promise.” Your brows furrow at him but you decide to trust him. You opened your mouth, and he placed the tip of his finger in letting you lick the batter off. You decided to get him back for all the teasing he’s done. You closed your eyes and moaned. Lucien’s body tensed at the sound as you sensually licked the rest of the batter off his finger and let it go with a pop.  

“That’s really good Lucien!” You smiled at him, knowing this time you were the one teasing him. You grabbed another dollop on your finger and really played up the innocence roll as you started to lick it off your own finger. Lucien’s eyes follow your every movement.  

“You are positively evil; you know that right?” he huffed and finished stirring the batter. 

“I do not know what you are talking about, I was just trying the batter...” you smirked and walked back over to finish cutting the bananas. Soon the kitchen started to smell like pancakes, and you started to realize how hungry you were. 

“Almost ready over here, did you get all the banana’s done?” Lucien asked as he flipped a pancake in the air.

“Sure did! Do you need me to do anything while you finish up flipping them?” 

“You can set the table and I'll bring everything over.” You nod at his answer and start to set the table with two pairs plates, silverware, napkins, cups, and lastly your freshly cut bananas you put in a bowl. Just as you placed the bananas, Lucien was right behind you with a stack of pancakes.  

“Oh, those look delicious! Do you have any syrup for the pancakes and juice to drink?” 

“Yeah, go look in the fridge! I'll start setting our plates.” You walk over to the fridge and open it to grab the syrup along with a bottle of apple juice. You walk back to the table, place the syrup down, and look to see Lucien had made you and him both plates. You smiled. 

“Thank you," as you decided to somewhat return the favor by filling up his glass with juice. You bend over slightly and pour the juice in his cup. Lucien's cheeks flush at the sight of you bent over, giving him a clear view of your cleavage due to how loose his shirt hung on you. He picks up his glass and takes a sip after you're done serving him.  

He coughs and says, “Thank you.” Trying to hide the ever growing blush on his face.

“You’re welcome.” You walk back to your spot across him, pour you a glass of juice, and start cutting into your food. You both sat there and enjoyed breakfast. Casually giving each other compliments about the food. You swear after this morning you had a new favorite breakfast food, banana pancakes. They will always remind you of this past night and morning with your friend. You smiled at Lucien as you both had finished. “That was lovely!” 

“Yes, it was, we should do this more often. I have missed you.” 

“Awe, ladies and gentlemales, the Lucien Vanserra missed y/n y/l/n!” 

“Way to ruin the moment y/n,” Lucien said with an eyeroll, and you chuckled. 

“You know I miss you too Lu, but I should probably get going. I’m sure mother Rhys is worried sick about me.” You laughed.  

“Most likely, here let me get you a bag for your dress and a pair of pants.” He walks away to get them for you. He comes back not a moment later with a bag and a baggy pair of old pants “Those should fit you! I believe you left them at my place a long time ago!” your cheeks burn at the thought of why you left them. One of your previous little rendezvous nights.

“Oh my god I have been looking for these for so long! Thank you.” you say as you took both items from his hands. You place your dress in the bag and walk to the bathroom to put your old pants on. You can’t believe he has kept them all this time. He could have easily tossed them out but didn't. "That's sweet of him," you thought. You walk back out and grab everything you came with and turn towards Lucien waiting for you by the door.  

“Thank you for everything you have done for me, it means a lot. I will give your shirt back the next time I see you.” You smile at him.  

“Keep it, it looks better on you anyways,” he winks, “I will see you next time then?” 

“Till next time Lu!” You smile as you give him a hug. He wraps his arms around you and places his chin on the top of your head. 

“Till next time doll!” as he places a soft kiss atop your head. You both let go and wave at each other as you make your way back to the Town House knowing an anxiety driven Rhysand and an overly excited Mor await you.  

If you’re interested in being on my taglist, please let me know!

Tags:

@thelov3lybookworm @justdreamstars @character---obsessed @stained-glass-eyes0708 @acourtofbooksandshadows @sourapplex @annaaaaa88 @fides25 @b0xerdancer

[zhouxiangs]

my top albums of 2023

(but i'm cheating, probably, because of course i am)

tagged by @theelast-straw <3

in no particular order except for roughly release date/order in which i got obsessed with each album, i present you: the albums i've had on loop for most of 2023

i like to listen to albums from start to finish, i think for the same reason that i tend to rewatch the same movies when i can't sleep (the sense of familiarity) but i'm picking a favourite from each because all of them had that one (1) song i got obsessed with and/or made it into one of my very specific playlists... some even more than one, if i'm honest lol

my world, aespa (2023)

what can i say about my favourite gg except that i love them so much? their title tracks are always a 10/10 for me but so are most of the sides, and for my world we got some amazing track videos (my favourite was of course i'm unhappy). plus there's the added layer of collecting pcs and the friends i cry about pieces of cardboard with, and while i admit i went a bit overboard during my world and that may be one of the reasons i got overwhelmed and eventually bored so now i'm stepping back from collecting, i still had lots of fun and this was my soundtrack for most of it.

perfume, nct dojaejung (2023)

my sons and jungwoo, do i really need to say anything else... i was lowkey scared i wouldn't like the mini for some reason and yeah that wasn't a problem, i am still obsessed with perfume lol i think this came out right after i decided i wouldn't buy more physical albums except the ones that i really loved the design of, and then i loved the songs so much that i ended up getting doyoung's box... and eventually two pbs from ktwt because i wanted to make covers out of them, and then never did lol

golden age, nct (2023)

pado and baggy jeans are my most played songs of the year; wish i could say i've gotten over the brain worms baggy jeans caused but nope, it's still on loop in my mind months later and i fear it's not going anywhere 👖

nil, the gazette (2006)

so this one is not new... but for some reason in the first half of the year, i think? i got back into the gazette; i've been listening to nil now and then throughout the years but now i also listen to their whole discography regularly. it's like being 16 again but with back pain lol happy to announce nil is still my favourite album of all time, and that i somehow remember all the lyrics! for this one i'm picking cassis because it has been one of my favourite songs since it came out and then cemented its place forever in my heart when i saw them play it live, which is something i'll never forget.

fact check, nct 127 (2023)

ICONIC MOVE, MY MOTION. i adore fact check, 127 never miss with their title tracks and i always go through at least a few days where i need to play them on loop because they won't leave my mind otherwise... but this time, if i could only pick one song from the album, it'd have to be angel eyes. i don't know if it's the happy 90s boyband energy or what but it's so special to me, makes me happy every time i listen to it <3

ร็อก เล็ก เล็ก, micro (1986)

we all know when and where this came from, don't we? one thing i'll always be grateful to only friends for (other than sandray both as characters and as a ship) is the music; i discovered so many wonderful songs and artists by listening to the playlists, and of course my favourite was micro, particularly this album which i started to listen to because both อย่าดีกว่า and อยากจะบอกใครสักคน are in it, and while they're still my favourites i really like the rest of the album too.

the land is inhospitable and so are we, mitski (2023)

i think i discovered mitski back in 2018 when be the cowboy came out, but for some reason i never listened to her music a lot? i had a pearl in my playlists, but it wasn't until laurel hell came out in 2022 that i started to listen to more... and then this year we got this amazing album and she's now one of my most listened artists of all time. my favourite is my love all mine because, like for most of twitter, that was (one of) my sandray song(s).

something to give to each other, troye sivan (2023)

this album came out right when i was itching for new music and to make more playlists because i was bored of always listening to the same songs. it was kind of a break? not because it's super different from other things i listen to, i don't think, but idk it was exactly what i needed right when i needed it. there's something about can't go back, baby that has always made it stand out to me, but don't ask me what.

to. x, taeyeon (2023)

mother! taeyeon has been in my life continuously for the longest time; her voice is such a comfort, it doesn't matter if i stop listening to kpop for years (which i've done a couple times in my life because i am that dramatic) i don't think i could ever quit her. honestly the whole album is perfect, no notes, and we even got a live clip for all for nothing. best way to end the year!

not tagging anyone but if you see this and want to do it you can consider yourself tagged <3

[kianbe]

𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒔𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒔𝒉𝒆𝒅 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏.

𝒍𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝒆𝒏𝒕. 𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌. lime ent hq, october 2023. 𝒕𝒍𝒅𝒓.  kian suffers from indecision, tries his best.

kim kian's brain is like a jukebox. since childhood, he's committed so many songs to memory. his ears absorb the melodies, his fingers are quick to translate them into strums, and after figuring out the gist, he's also able to infuse parts of himself into them; a superpower he's seemingly always possessed. with both of his parents being talented musicians, it makes sense as to why this comes so naturally to him, but all of this knowledge has made choosing only one 60-second snippet from his repertoire almost impossible. somehow, some way, he was able to narrow his vast collection down to roughly ten songs, but it took a lot of effort, and what seemed like an eternity of over-thinking.

each contender has been on loop in his head recently, and as they're the freshest in his mind, he figures that opting for one of them would be wise. however, most-all of the time, kian feels like it's best if he trusts his intuition. thinking too hard over trivial things has never yielded positive results for him, so he decided to make up his mind on the spot; to feel it out with emotions instead of intellectualize it too much. that approach was completely derailed upon arrival, though. once the staff instructed him of what he had to do, he learned that he had an additional five hours to prepare, which, to him, meant that he had an additional five hours to obsess over what his strongest "siren song" should be—great.

it's been hours of singing through his entire shortlist of options, and there's still been no progress made, and suddenly, now that it's cutting down to the wire, his stomach roars audibly. sighing, he's annoyed that he's feeling hungry right now, and that he wasn't earlier. he wanted to remain free of distractions, so he elected to ignore the refreshments table entirely. besides, the breakfast his mom made him earlier that morning had kept him satiated for quite sometime, so he honestly didn't think he'd have anything to worry about.

though, at the mere thought of it, he recollects the memory of he and his mother eating at the kitchen table a few hours prior to where he stands now. it plays in his head like a movie, and he smiles fondly recalling their conversation. after wishing him luck, she wandered back into the kitchen to clean up, and while she worked, she began humming a song—a catchy girl-group tune that she latched onto after hearing it only one time. it's then when it hits him.

knowing exactly which one it was, a lightbulb flickers on above his head, and after he sees that he only has about two minutes left before he needs to perform, he knows what he has to do. tuning his guitar quickly, he takes a few seconds to breeze through the chords and lyrics, gathers himself, and settles on showcasing the song's final third; beginning mid-chorus until its closing. without further hesitation, he stands up, opens the door to the room he's in, and turns on the intercom system; ready to go.

"hey, this is kim kian—hope you enjoy..." that's all he says before he begins playing the chorus to his own acoustic rendition of "dolphin" by oh my girl (1:41-2:41); all inspired by his mom. in a way, he thought leaving the choice up to her was a good idea. she always knows what she's talking about, after all.

remembering the rules he was given to follow, he pivots away from the open door behind him and plays to the back wall of the room; not wanting to see if anyone has come searching for him. it takes some of the pressure off, and he's able to more comfortably deliver fresh, agile vocals; his high-tenor range beautifully carrying the melody with care, soul, and his signature style. when he's done, he takes a deep breath, chirps out a sweet "thank you," makes himself brave, then turns around...

𝒆𝒏𝒅.

[bangtthedoldrums]

We Told You This Was Melodrama

so Melodrama is 6. what a timeless album it has been. i find myself come back to Melodrama regardless of what was going on in my life the last 6 years. as it should be.

and listening to Melodrama almost exclusively after my first heartbreak. for 3 whole months. i lived and breathed Melodrama so much that it had to be one of the first few tattoos on me.

(if i accidentally passed in a natural disaster in another country, at least they have the Melodrama tattoo to identify me)

the Melodrama era was so fucking magical. the tour. the songs. the lights. the concert confetti. the outfits. the interviews. the social media engagement. the music videos. the photoshoot. god the fucking pictures and fucking photoshoots. (LOL the one where lorde's above water and looking directly into the camera - currently my icon on outlook. STILL. i changed it back in 2017 probably. and it was my main tumblr's avatar for a while. and glamourtraumamelodrama was my main tumblr's url for a while)

and to Melodrama i danced and i sang and i yelled and i cried and i bawled and i choked and i froze and i felt like i was on top of the world and i grieved and i accepted things and i ran and i sat alone and smoked so many cigarettes to it on so many nights and i drove down so many streets and highways and i sang on top of my lungs when i was in love and i loved it enough to get a tattoo of.

at various points of my life the last 6 years, i've never shut up about Melodrama and it was the one thing people knew about me. as it should be. Melodrama deserves all the hype it deserves.

a masterpiece isn't even good enough to describe Melodrama. neither is a cultural phenomenon. it's obviously more than that. and of course it means different things for every one. and for me - it's a tribute to my late adolescence, a sense-making navigation guide of my early/mid/late 20s, and everything in between. i was in love. i was in many foreign places. i got my heart broken (again and again). i made friends. i lost friends. i was in so many depressive episodes. amidst everything that changes so quickly, Melodrama was, and still is, the one companion that feels like home. i guess when you get your heart broken again and again, at least you feel less alone when you have a companion while you put yourself back together. again and again. you're not a liability. whoever makes you feel so is welcome to fuck off and die. as they should be.

Melodrama is still as magical as the first time i listened to it. regardless of whether i'm leaving it in the background, or really listened to it. well, listening to Melodrama at an older age feels more magical because i've got more life experiences to project and feel. but you get what i mean. i'm not skilled enough with my words and thought processes to talk about the production and the words. it just feels so... well-thought.

there will never be another album like Melodrama, and i'm okay with that. it is experimental enough yet there is some form of consistency that ties every track together. you could play the album on loop, listen to it from start to end, and let it start again. it still flows. both the grandeur and stripped-down production has its place, and lets you feel what you need to feel.

close your eyes and feel everything. it's a trip you take down your brain and at the end of the lane there is catharsis.

what a time to be alive at the same time Melodrama exists. (thank you Lorde) it makes all the other sufferings a little more bearable. and i guess that's enough for me for now. i might change my mind but whatfuckingever. i change my mind all the time anyway.

what a fucking time to be alive. to have an album of my generation that i could call my own in my 20s. that would be talked about for decades to come. an icon that i have to hold on to as i get older (assuming i live till then.)

all i wish for is that i could take some molly and listen to Melodrama while i'm on it. like Lorde did when she made this album. as it should be.

one can dream

i guess. through it all. in life there's only 3 things that matter:

the glamour

the trauma

the melodrama

Melodrama Forever xx

[morningstargirl666]

alicia, my beloved! would you do me a great favour and answer some of these?

🤡🛒🌌🎶🙋‍♀️💖🤗🧠 (tell me about our boy klaus)

(also i 100% rbed that post in hopes that it'll give me an excuse to pester all my writer friends with questions, mission accomplished! 😈)

🤡 - What's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?

Ella, bestie - there's so many. I mean not all of them are laugh-out-loud funny, but they always bring a little smile to my face. I think Caroline pushes Klaus into a pool in Into Eternity? That's a good one. But I think most the more funny exchanges happen in The Big Bad Wolf. Somehow that fic turned into crack along the way and honestly it ran away from me. My OCs are just really fun to write. Probably the scene that made me laugh the most in that, was the bacon scene. With the lunar cycles. And then later on Klaus throwing Kol's phone out the car window because he caught him texting Rebekah about the new information. Scenes with Titus, Klaus' horse, and Sam's raven Loki also hit the top spots. Sorry, I just can't choose one.

🛒 - What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

Found family. Or a sense of family or brotherhood in general. I have no idea why. It's just too wholesome to leave out. Also probably an element of spookiness and horror, because I'm edgy like that, and I like my settings/characters a little dark, a little violent.

✨ - Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

Okay so there's no constellation emoji on the original ask list so I'm assuming you meant this one? I don't know, maybe I'm just blind but I can't find it.

So. A compliment.

Will you accept 'I write good'? Lmao I don't know.

🎶 - Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

I actually have a few playlists on youtube that I set aside for writing. My brain is really sense-minded, so like when I put that music on it knows it's time to write. I've got a klaroline playlist, which are basically klaroline music vids, and also playlists for my fics. And then sometimes I just freestyle, listen to anything that comes on. I need to share the songs I listen to for TBBW at some point cause they are amazing. Here Come the Wolves by Lola Blanc screams Chapter 1. And then I Know Your Secrets by Tommee Profitt (feat. Liv Ash) is definitely Chapter 12. I remember listening to Running With The Wolves by Aurora for Chapter 13 a lot.

🙋‍♀️ - Do any irl people know you write fanfic?

Yes. Sort of. A close friend knows. Though I have not shared my ao3 name nor my fics and do not intend to lol.

💖 - What made you start writing? 

I actually can't remember when I didn't write in some shape or form. I've been writing since I was a small kid, in like primary school. Probably Year 4? Maybe even Year 3? I would have been like 7 maybe. I basically remember watching the movie of Roald Dahl's James and the Giant Peach, and little kid me thought, oh I want to write a book! And so I started writing a book called the Dragon and the Peach. I think the plot involved a dragon called Sapphira, who like goes on this quest and eats a magical peach that makes her strong and powerful so she can defeat the villain. That story eventually evolved into a different, more complex plot as I got older, with more characters and backstories. By Year 6 I wanted to be a writer when I grew up. And then in my teens I found fanfiction and well, here I am, ten years later, still writing fanfiction lol. Nothing really made me start writing. I guess Dahl's books inspired me originally, I really loved them as a kid, but nothing made me do it. No one pushed me to do it, or said I'd be good at it. For me writing has always been a calling. I really had no choice but answer.

🤗 - What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?

Read. Write. That's it. Read as much as you can, because that's the finest teacher of how to write. Literally. You'll find whatever genres and tropes you prefer to read will start popping up in your writing without even realising it. And when you do write, keep writing, even when you get writer's block - even if its 200 words per day or 200 words after weeks of nothing, at least its no longer a blank page. Write while figuring out how to plot, how to characterise, how to build up tension. Don't be ashamed of stuff you wrote a year ago because it sucks - it doesn't suck, you've just improved since then and now you can write better. It's a victory, not a defeat. And don't write for anyone else but yourself. Like I said before, writing is a calling. It's bleeding words onto a page because you have to get it out or you'll go crazy. You are your first reader. So write for you.

🧠 - Pick a character, and I'll tell you my favourite headcanon for them.

So. Klausy. Neeklous. Our boy Klaus. What headcanons do I have for him, hmm? 🤔

[I'm trying to think of one I haven't told you, it's a challenge]

Okay I have one. Not sure if I've included this in a fic yet, but a headcanon I love is that Klaus steals artwork from galleries and museums for kicks and replaces them with copies he painted before the originals are noticed as missing. The galleries and museums around the world have yet to catch on. He thinks its funny. Compulsion gets boring after the first few centuries, after all.

[daymusik]

🐾 Check out the audio visualizer on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UgOUDofVWKQ ▶ Not to be mistaken as a remix of the song "De Fault". No, this is simply a remix of the short loop that plays when performing the emote. This time, I'm going in Solo! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ óÓÒò

🐾 Hey there! Back at it again with another [the same] Super Animal Royale remix! There are a few things about the old version that made me want to rework the song and try it again. I'm going to try to keep the description... within YouTube's character limit... but I wasn't quite happy with the overall outcome of the last version of this remix. The first and foremost thing you'll notice is that I'm no longer playing Duos but am playing Solos this time -- er, I mean, this isn't a collaboration anymore like the last one, this was all me. The main reason why the last version was a collaboration was because I had found CHSH and they worked in a style that I, at first, thought would work with the idea I had for this song. His inclusion -- the first dubstep(/riddim for his style of music) -- wasn't bad, but, personally, it wasn't what I had envisioned for the song. Unfortunately, at that stage, I had absolutely no clue how to structure a dubstep/brostep drop the way I wanted it to be. Pretty much, ever since that video was uploaded, I had been working and learning and messing with the song to see how to make it work how I wanted. I learned a lot of techniques and tried a lot of things. Eventually, I settled with using the two main presets that take up the majority of the section -- a preset for the Vital plugin and one for the plugin Serum. That was that taken care of. Now for the psytrance/whatever that style is section. 🐾 My brain works in weird ways. And, because of this, I will do things that seem unorthodox or wholly unrelated and I will forget to explain or provide context so that people can understand that I'm not crazy (most of the time). The B section of the song where it almost sounds like a completely different song was introduced and mashed together for no reason actually makes sense. A technique I do sometimes, I don't know the name of, like variations or a fugue or something, is I will take the melody of a song verbatim and add to it, or add variations of it. The melody that plays throughout the B section CONSISTS OF THE SAME MELODY FROM THE DEFAULT DANCE SONG but dances around it. Most of the time, this new melody will hit in unison with, what I will call, Melody A while adding a few notes to make it Melody B, then other times, Melody B will hit part of the triad that Melody A would hit at that same moment. The first time I made this song, I completely forgot to emphasize this connection between the two melodies and I'm pretty sure I lost some people to that switch up. This time, I added context in the form of not only the audio sample of the default dance itself but a synth and pluck playing only Melody A throughout the B section to illustrate how the two parts come together. Then, of course, the piano part at the end. I mean, yeah, that's the same thing I just said but as a piano. It plays melody B with the chord progression simultaneously to further the variation. óÓÒò ▶ Bandcamp 🐾 https://daymusik.bandcamp.com ▶ MySpace 🐾 https://myspace.com/daymusik197 ▶ Twitter 🐾 https://www.twitter.com/daymusik/ ▶ everywhere else 🐾 https://linktr.ee/Daymusik

[anotherghoul666]

🤭 Do you have a favorite tag to use when posting your fics?

💔 Have any of your fics broken your heart? Bonus: what about someone else's? I'm always in the market for a fic that'll make me cry lol

✅ What's something that appears over and over again in your fics even if you don't mean for it to?

🤩 Who's your favorite character to write?

🧠 (for Rain please)

💞 Who's your comfort character?

🎶 (I know you don't listen to anything while writing, but I'm curious about a song you've had on loop :D)

Thank you so much Fruits!! :D :D I appreciate you taking the time to leave these!

🤭 Do you have a favorite tag to use when posting your fics? I tag what's in the fic as accurately as possible in terms of kinks, sex acts, story types, and potential triggers so people can avoid what they need to. I do like to tag something funny or descriptive to put a bit of personality in my fic's description, tags like "I'm still here to hurt Dew what can I say" or "Dewdrop thinks he's the dom. He's not." XD So potential readers can get a taste for what's inside and my sense of humor :)

💔 Have any of your fics broken your heart? Bonus: what about someone else's? I'm always in the market for a fic that'll make me cry lol Well the one angsty hurtful fic I wrote is Loosened Heart. It didn't break my heart so much as it was super cathartic to write. Like purging an abscess. If I think about it, in my life, I don't think I've ever written a piece that made me cry or broke my heart while I wrote it. I'd need some months of distance with a fic to be able to "live" it and get the emotions from it I intended for the reader to have. I need detachment and a pair of fresh eyes, not my author eyes. As far as a fic rec for something that made me cry, the first one that came to mind is Butterfly Garden by @youhaveahomeinmyheart. If you haven't read this one yet Fruits? Be ready with a box of tissues. I was in PAIN. It DESTROYED ME and I LOVED IT.

✅ What's something that appears over and over again in your fics even if you don't mean for it to? Power dynamics. Though I 100% mean for that to appear. It's the foundation of my work. Playing with power and exchanges and switches is my thing. My sense of humor apparently is a constant in every fic and it gets noticed xD I didn't think so many people were here for my sarcasm and silly jokes, but I'm happy to see it! Lore. Massive amounts of lore that are almost never a part of the outline, but my brain needs an explanation for smut to happen. I'm not one of those authors that can just open on sex or kink already started. I wish I could, I'd write a lot quicker with that skill XD But I guess I'm just too demisexual for that, my characters need *reasons* to play and/or fuck, and that means, for example, 4k words of lore before Aether and Ifrit get together in my current fic xD Is it necessary? Probably not. Do I have a ton of fun writing it? You bet! hahaha I also very much like to describe the first time characters do something. New experiences. Discoveries. Of a kink, of sensations, of themselves, of each other. Doesn't matter, but the element of discovery and experimentation is a common thing I like to write for. Surprise, mental processes, evaluations, "oh. Oh." moments. I love those a ton. If yall pick out shared elements in my writing, let me know! I'm interested to hear it!

🤩 Who's your favorite character to write? It's Dew. It's gotta be Dew. This feral gremlin. Riddled with issues and insecurities. The walking contradiction he is. The abrasive personality as a defense mechanism. The absolute sweetness and care under it all he wouldn't be caught dead showing explicitly. The yearning for attention, for being wanted, the yearning for pain and horrible horrible things to happen to him, the desperation. The impulsivity, the rejection sensitivity, the hypervigilence, the sheer ADHD I write this guy with (I project neurodivergence on some of my characters in various ways, I specifically code Dew with ADHD traits for my ND readers to pick up on). The bad decisions. The self destructive inclinations. The unbearable love he has for his pack and his Papa. The privilege he feels for being a part of this gang of weirdos he constantly torments. He is so layered. So nuanced. So much fun. He flows out of me like the clearest sparkling river from a mountaintop, he's so easy to write. Absolutely painless of a subject, so I may put him through pain as a reward. I adore him and I can't wait to get back to him honestly. Second fav is Swiss. He also flows and writes very easily.

🧠 Pick a character, and I’ll tell you my favorite headcanon for them (for Rain please) Rain is a fucking cryptid my guy, I'm still trying to figure him out even after having written him so much XD Rain very much Does Not Flow and it Not Easy to write. But, there are still a few headcanons I have solidly embedded in my version of our favorite water ghoul. Namely, similarly to how I just mentionned I project ADHD on Dew, I project my own autism on Rain a lot. Rain has hypersensitivity, he has sensory processing difficulties, but he is also a sensory seeker, just, with very specific senses. He is primarily a tactile sensory seeker, he stims on textures a lot. Because the texture is nice and it makes him feel good, or as a response to a stresser, to help him process his emotions and get out of the flood of anxiety, keep focused. He stims by running his fingers on his clothes, his sleeves, his environment, the furniture, his bass a whole lot, his hair, etc. Another key trait I project on him is, Rain learns by imitation. He mirrors people. He mirrors personalities, matches energies, his mask is a reflection of who is in front of him, until he feels safe and comfortable enough to unmask (which he'd mostly do around his pack, in private). He needs to see someone do a thing first to feel like it's normal enough of a thing to do, and then he can do it. He seeks permission to do or say or think things by seeking someone else who does the same. Even if he wants to do something, if he's the only one, he won't do it. He'll assume it's too weird. But if someone else does it first, he'll follow. Enthusiastically. Maybe over-enthusiastically sometimes. You see it on stage the most, when he follows Dew around and imitates his stomps for example, but when he's by himself he's calm and he won't move too much. He can't move by himself, what if he looks weird?; but if Dew's headbagning like a mad man, he can headbang too. Permission seeker. He's the same when he speaks. He'll keep his sentences short and to the point, unless someone asks him a question, opens a door, or otherwise gives him space. He'll then info dump and/or overshare like there's no tomorrow. Because he doesn't know when someone's gonna let him talk next. So he has to get the flood out now.

💞 Who's your comfort character? The entirety of current era Ghost dude. They all bring such a sense of safety and joy to me. I couldn't name just one.

🎶 (I know you don't listen to anything while writing, but I'm curious about a song you've had on loop :D) Just, overall? OK, well, Imma take the space to talk about music for a bit. 1) The Death of Peace Of Mind album by Bad Omens has been on repeat in my ears for about 10 days now. Stellar album from start to finish. It's a damn shame I got on the Bad Omens train on January 1st 2023 cause if I'd listened to that album like, a week before, it would have been on my top albums of 2022 list. Easily in the top 5. Excellent album. Every single song is like it's out of a different genre. These guys are flawless at every music genre they touch. Classic metalcore, heavy deathcore, vibe songs, ambient, synthwave, emo early 2000s music, industrial, goth, trap. It's Atreyu meets Linkin Park meets Bullet for my Valentine meets Post Malone meets The Weeknd meets Whitechapel meets Nine Inch Nails meets Rob Zombie, The Album. You name it, they can do it. And the album as a whole still manages to be coherent and have a throughline??! Masterminds I say. Bucketlist band to see live in 2023. I need it. 2) SLEEP TOKEN. DUDEE. DUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE. SLEEP FUCKING TOKEN. I slept (haha, get it) on these guys and I hate myself for just finding them now. And by now I mean today. This morning. I heard they released two new tracks last week back to back and they've been making waves in the metal world, so I checked them out. I. FELL IN LOVE. SO FAST. I'm actually still kinda reeling from how obsessed I am with these two songs. Chokehold if you're into less of a heavy vibe, The Summoning for the heavier track. Yo. Fucking. THE LAST MINUTE AND A HALF OF THE SUMMONING. I want to fuck this song. This is some of the absolute sexiest metal I've ever heard. I want to eat these songs, I want to comsume them, I want to melt into them, I want them to enter my molecules and become a part of the biologic material that is my body. I cannot wait for this album to come out. If the rest of it sounds anything like these two songs, I might call album of the year right there.

[the-archangel]

V’s Diary (Part 3)

[Notes: This is my favourite so far, it’s also not particularly graphic, full of feels and pretty short, so please give it a go if you can.

It’s also darker, sadder than the others and touches lightly on dark themes.]

 V, typing: Misty likes to talk about holistic connections or some shit, I think it’s about everything affecting everything else and happening when it’s meant to; a lot of what she says sounds like crap – to me at least – but I think she’s right about that.

 Johnny had been uncharacteristically quiet for a couple of days, a few weeks ago this would’ve been amazing, but I was worried and even missed him a little......

“Aw V, you soppy bitch. I never knew you cared.”

“Shush Johnny, this is about the thing  with Kerry. Y’know the thing.

“Oh no. Not the thing!

“Fuck off”

 .....but I was worried and wanted to know what was on his mind. Snoozing in the Porsche after a dull gig in a crappy neighbourhood, I felt him in the passenger seat and sensed the intensity coming off him before I saw it.  

“Ask him about the gun.”

“What? Who?”

“Kerry. Ask him why he gave you the gun.”

“It was a gift for...well helping out I guess.”

“No, I know him, there’s more to it, ask him.”

“Well OK I guess, if it matters that much to you.”

“It does, it really does. Thanks V.”

 That evening I was going around to Kerry’s anyway, he prefers to be home than out most of the time, less chance of being spotted, being harassed I suppose, so we were having a lawn picnic by the pool. He said I didn’t need to bring anything but myself, but who turns up to a picnic empty handed? So I brought beer.

I opened the security gate with a flick, parked up and wandered down to the pool. Kerry bounced up from the lounger as soon as he saw me and flung his arms around me before kissing the tip of my nose and gesturing to the table in front of us. I didn’t recognise half of the stuff on there, but Kerry took enormous pleasure in explaining each thing, where it came from, how it was made, what flavours to look out for. It was good, I like trying new things, I’d definitely go for sushi again, but give me a burrito over that weird, salty, black goop any day.

We drank wine, Kerry played some new songs, and he was smiling, looking like a fucking god. I could’ve told him I loved him then, but given it would be the first time I’d ever said it to anyone, the idea was scarier than tickling a Valentino with his wife’s severed finger, so I didn’t, maybe I should’ve.

It turns out wine gives me some pretty dumb ideas, it also turns out jumping into a freezing cold pool fully dressed wasn’t as hilarious as my wine soaked brain imagined – it did however mean that Kerry had an excuse to take my clothes off, every cloud and all that. Since the intensity of the boat, things have (mostly :P) calmed down while we get to know what works for us. What doesn’t really work for us is a head terrorist shouting “Ask him!” while you’re mid grope....

 “Well you’d been at it hours and it was eating at my brain.”

“Oh really, you want a discussion about something eating at your brain?”

“Fair point.”

 I’d promised Kerry to tell him what Johnny was saying, to keep him in the loop, so when Johnny shouts and I wince he rightly wants to know what’s been said. I told him, “He said, “Ask him.” though not as nicely as that and with spitting.”

“Ask me what?”

Now I came to have to say it, I was scared. Johnny clearly had some sort of bad feeling about this; he’d been brooding on it for days. And I was feeling like a gonk, since I’d obviously missed some big, major ass red flag. I felt like a kid admitting a misdemeanour, “He wants to know why you gave me the gun.”

Kerry always looks into my eyes when he’s talking to me. It’s one of the things I love about him, the honesty, the intensity, but a piece of my heart shattered when he looked at the floor and said we should go inside. He walks in front of me towards the door, not looking back, purposefully striding to find the safety of the villa as fast as fuck. I throw on a robe and follow.

 “Johnny, I don’t know if I want to carry on writing this. The diary is supposed to be stuff I want to remember.”

“You want to remember why you mean so much to that dumbass don’t you?”

“Yeah, yeah I do. OK....”

 Kerry leads me upstairs to the bar, sits down and gestures to the seat next to him.

“What do you remember about the day we met?”

I told him that we’d heard him in the bathroom, but then I didn’t remember much as Johnny was in charge, though he’d pretty much told me what happened – got slapped, got drunk, talked about the old days, then just something about a gig and coming round in the lounge.

“OK, good.”

“Why ‘good’?”

“Because that means it’s him that I lied to and not you.”

“Johnny says, he knew it.”

“Did he now? Smart-ass son-of-a-bitch. He always knew when I was lying. Did he tell you what I lied about though?”

“No, I think he’s mad at you, he’s not talking.”

Kerry reaches over the bar and plucks out a bottle of bourbon splashing a good dose into each of two glasses; he passes one over to me and looks me in the eye for the first time since we came inside.

“Before I tell you this I want you to know that I am happier than I’ve been in years, maybe ever. Talking to Johnny again gave me a clearer view of the past that I really needed, and meeting you has given me a shot at a future I wasn’t sure I would ever have.”

A tear begins to form in the corner of his fucking beautiful eye, he looks down for a moment and I wipe it away.

“Up until that night, d’you know how long it was since I’d left this fucking house? Two fucking years! And how long since I’d written a new riff, or some lyrics? Don’t even know – fucking forever. I was done, washed up. Corpos owned my ass, my music and my soul. There was nothing else left to do. It turns out that rattling around a house that is a manifestation of your fucking ridiculous ego isn’t as much fun as you’d imagine. It’s lonely V, even with a house full of guests I was lonely. Kids gone, relationships screwed, hell I hadn’t even had a relationship since the divorce.

Anyway, that night, Johnny asked me if the rumours in the screamsheets were true – about the suicide attempt – I told him it was PR...”

Kerry stops talking and looks away, away from me and towards the darkened window, whether he’s looking at the storm outside or at his reflection as the mascara stains darken his cheeks I’m not sure.

“But it was true? Shit Ker....”

“That was.... what, six months ago. Jorge – my security guard – scanned the house and noticed I’d been in the bathroom for hours, came rushing in, blah blah blah. Anyway, got given sedatives by the doc, and left to get on with it.”

My heart was breaking for him, “Didn’t anyone try to help?”

“Who, Kovachek?, Yeah, he tried to send me to a psychological assessment unit, probably never to be seen again. I was pretty sure I could deal with it myself, drag myself out of it, but then Louise emails me – more drama – this shit with Kovachek kicks off... I was tired V, dog tired, I couldn’t see any light, so....

....I gave you the gun because you saved my life that night V, well you and Johnny I guess, and as long as you have it, it means you’re here and you’re mine and I’m safe and I don’t need it, it’s an angel looking over us.”

I don’t know how long we spent just looking into each other’s eyes, at each other’s faces. Kerry’s half-smile brightened the room a little, his hopeful eyes, smudged and bloodshot as they were, melted my chrome. I slid my hand onto the back of his neck and pulled his forehead down to mine, “Ker, you know you can talk to me about anything right?”

“Yeah, yeah I do V. Thanks. Same, I’m here for you.”

I slid off the stool and took his hand, leading him to the bedroom. We padded over to the bed in a comfortable silence before lying on top of the sheets with our arms and legs tangled together, foreheads touching until we fell asleep.

  --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 I’m worried that I’m starting to forget stuff. I’ve got old scars and I can’t remember how they got there, clothes that I don’t remember buying, anything that happened before the ‘Johnny in my brain’ is fading and I’m scared.

Things I want to remember:

1.      What a good friend Jackie was, and how his family looked after me.

2.      How many times Vik has helped me out when he really didn’t have to.

3.      Misty’s kindness.

4.      The Aldecaldos inviting me into their family.

5.      Falling in love with Kerry

6.      Riding the rollercoaster with Johnny

“I was wondering if I’d get a look-in.”

“This is all about you really though isn’t it.

“Shit V, pardon me for not breathing.”

“Sorry Johnny, I’m just tired. G’night.”

“Yeah, night V.”

[im-in-way-2many-fandoms]

for the fanfic asks: ✨ and 🎶

Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately? Honestly, it kinda depends on what I'm writing and where my headspace is. Even though I'm a musician, sometimes music can be distracting when I'm trying to transform my very vague outline into an actual chapter that my readers can understand. If I'm writing a chill, laid back chapter, I usually turn on some Lofi or a playlist I superficially made that has whatever songs remind me of my OCs and/or storyline. The specific song that's been playing on loop whenever one of these chapters comes up is definitely The Other Side. It fits Freshwater and Pearl's dynamic so well that my silly fandom brain can't help but make little animatics in my head. If it isn't The Other Side it would be Bruno is Orange for the same reasons. When things are more intense, though, I honestly can't listen to anything because it distracts me and takes me out of my outline.

Give yourself a writing compliment. Hmm...That's a hard one. Okay I think I gotta go with my ability to let my OCs tell me who they are instead of creating them from the beginning and forcing them to fit a certain character that I think I need for a story. For example, my FAVORITE OC is a character I made that was a SHAMELESS self-insert and at first I hated writing them because they just served the process of being my comfort character that I could ship with Pearl as much as I wanted. After trying to write them as "me," though, I scrapped the whole story and just kinda let my character do her thing without trying to roleplay through her if that makes sense. I'm definitely not bashing anyone who makes a character specifically to fill a role in a story, but personally I could never write that way. I get way too obsessed into why I made them that I can never feel like I understand who they are and how to keep them in character. This is why I say that this self insert - Freshwater - isn't even me anymore - and I kinda like it that way. She of course has a part of me because damn near every writer puts a little bit of themselves into their OC, but they aren't me anymore and I can say they have a lot more character and personality to them.

[youareinacomawakeup]

writers ask! 18, 35, 38

Fun!

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage.

Oh, gee. God, I've written so much. There's so much to pick from. Give me a minute. Uhhh... This has to be the hardest question. You know how, like, someone asks you your favorite song and suddenly it's like you've never listened to music in your life? That's what's happening in my brain right now. A lot of my writing is really spur-of-the-moment. Like I'm making it up as I go along, just with a few specific destinations planned out. So those destinations should be what I'm thinking of here.

(SPOILERS and also I'm only answering number 18 here because it's kind of an in-depth question to answer. The latter questions will be answered in another post.)

Uh, y'know what, I'm just gonna open up the full text of Shattering Altea and scroll randomly until I land on something I can talk about.

hahah the first thing i scrolled to was "remember everything. feel how you felt." I REMEMBER NOTHING. THANKS FOR RUBBING IT IN.

okay something else

That works!

So, this is the scene where Lance gets Blue as his mount. This was the culmination of a few things. First, I wanted all the Paladins to have Lion-adjacent mounts. And it made sense to me for Blue to have belonged to Allura first, because...you know.

Also, there was a scene early on in the fic where Lance and Keith encounter the merpeople, and while I initially meant for that to just be a place for Lance to recover after passing out in the snow, a lot of people in the comments had their interests piqued by the presence of the merpeople, and just by seeing their intrigue, an idea for a subplot around them sparked to life in my brain. Initially, all I had planned to show the destruction from the Galra was the ash left behind after the razing of Olkarion. This would show an active attempt at a takeover in progress rather than the barren remains after the fact, and it would also be the point in the story where the fight against Zarkon takes a turn, the first real victory.

Also, I had to get Allura herself in the story, and I loved the idea of sneaking her into the Blade of Marmora via Altean shapeshifting.

I was counting on the idea that everyone would look at a "Mystery Galra Woman" and start thinking Acxa or Krolia, completely dismissing the possibility that it could be Allura because the fact that Alteans can shapeshift wouldn't even occur to them.

And we all know I like to combine several plot threads into one nice little rope, so...

Allura and Lance meet for the first time in the place where Allura's past mount and Lance's future mount is setting some shit up in the plot.

Lance saves Keith from said mount, but the battle that takes place there goes poorly, setting up the need to return in the future and set things right. (Also, Lance and Blue have a memorable exchange in the water, hinting at an incomplete potential for a bond.)

So there's the necessary setup.

And this scene, the one where Blue officially becomes Lance's mount, is the payoff.

This scene also builds on Lance and Keith's relationship, when Lance compares the way Blue is lashing out after having lost Allura to the way Keith lashes out having lost Shiro and Matt. Because Layers.

Lance connects to Blue because of his relationship with Keith (point 1)

Which loops back to Allura (point 2)

Getting Lance the mount that makes him "Part of the Five Paladins of Voltron" (point 3)

Which he uses to team up with Keith and win the first major victory against the Galra (point 4)

It's Klance relationship building and Lance development and thematically important and important to the plot all at the same time. Or...that's what I was going for.

Oh, also, a lot of my friends know that "Where No One Goes" by Jonsi makes me fucking cry when it plays in How to Train Your Dragon 2 because I listened to it a lot while writing SoA.

One of the scenes I wrote while listening to that song is the end of this scene and the start of the next, when Lance is running back to help Keith with Blue following him under the ice.

I...hope that's a satisfactory answer to the question! I know it was very rambly and disconnected, but that's kind of how my writing methods work. That's why I can't do outlines. -laughs- I'm just a goddamn octopus grabbing everything I can with my tentacles and trying to pull it all together into one uniform thing.

[my-child-is]

My Child is Neurotypical

So I made a few...dozen...posts on twitter about my experiences being neurodivergent. They’re a roughly 60/40 split between being autistic and having adhd with heavy overlap. They take the form of a parent in denial saying “My child is neurotypical” and the response of “Your child is X” where X is a common neurodivergent experience phrased as if coming from a teacher.

(I’ll be updating these as I make more)

Classroom

Your child was a pleasure to have in class

Your child can’t focus unless they’re playing with something

Your child has awful handwriting

Your child is tapping their foot through class

Your child just needs to apply themselves. They can clearly do the work but keep making silly mistakes

Your child had a breakdown over not getting all their homework done

Your child is quiet and struggling to stay on task

Your child thinks school was indistinguishable from torture but struggles without the structure

Your child needs outside structure or they can’t figure out what to do first

Sensory - Sound

Your child hears the CRT TV noise (double this if they hate it)

Your child needs to cover their ears any time you use a blender

Your child wants to know where that buzzing is coming from

Your child can tell if the fridge has been opened recently from the other room

Sensory - Touch

Your child can’t wear rough or slippery fabrics

Your child hates any texture beyond flannel (any other distinctive texture works too)

Your child hates tags on clothing

Your child overheats in thick socks

Your child wears sportswear but hates sports (@checkerfired1 on twitter)

Your child thinks water has a strange texture

Your child finds showering exhausting but also doesn’t want to get out at the end

Your child can’t stand the feeling of oil on their skin

Sensory - Light

Your child sat in the dark from noon til sunset before starting their day

Your child thinks sunlight is ‘too much’

Memory

Your child forgot they were hungry halfway through making dinner

Your child has had midnight new years pass by because they forgot to wait for it

Your child can’t keep a grasp on time

Your child is confused about how it’s already evening

Your child has over 50 tabs open in chrome

Your child can only ‘wing it’ because they always forget what they planned to say

Your child made a list of what they needed to do and forgot to check it

Your child came up with a ‘my child is neurotypical’ post but forgot

Stimulation

Your child can’t focus without background music

Your child thinks everybody is exhausted after conversations

Your child drinking caffeine is like a roulette wheel in its effects

Your child struggles thinking while seated

Your child likes to constantly be chewing on something

Your child finds crowds overwhelming

Your child finds existing at night less exhausting

Sleep

Your child is reading this in the middle of the night

All of your child’s friends live on the opposite side of the world because they can’t maintain a traditional sleep schedule

Your child had midnight new years pass by because they’re normally awake well past then even as an adult

Your child has trouble quieting their brain to sleep

Dyspraxia

Your child is extremely klutzy

Your child’s phone typing is riddled with typos

Empathy

Your child felt guilty for bumping into the table

Your child is painfully uncomfortable watching shows with awkward situations

Your child cries even thinking about somebody being in pain

Your child is extremely trusting with new people they just met

Emotions

Your child has lots of mood swings

Your child hates compliments because they’re sure they’ll disappoint and alienate anyone who thinks anything good about them (from @MaebyIsSweet on twitter)

Sharing

Your child shares extremely personal experiences with people they just met

Your child can talk for hours about the same subject without getting tired

Communication

Your child learned nonverbal communication from the family dog/cat

Your child gets frustrated because people can’t understand them

Your child has been discussing the same topic for 30 minutes without taking a break to breath

Your child tends to speak repetitively - they may feel somewhat scripted

Your child feels like an alien sent to observe humans

Your child cries when instructions aren’t clear enough

Your child communes with animals because they make more sense than people

Your child doesn’t see the point of small talk

Your child finds comfort in the scriptedness of small talk

Your child is anxious about misreading people’s intentions

Your child is anxious about contacting somebody because they think it’s too last second

Your child gets frustrated when instruction manuals skip steps

Your child is constantly anxious about misunderstanding

Your child needs subtitles to hear anything

Your child has times they struggle to make words

Consistency (Anxiety)

Your child asks for the same meal every time they come home

Your child watched a single movie more than 3 times in one day

Your child feels anxious watching new movies or tv shows

Your child nearly has a stress breakdown if plans change last second

Your child’s anxiety spikes every time you ask them a question

Your child has a favourite song they’ve listened to for a week straight

Your child finds split second decision making stressful

Your child gets anxious if they don’t exactly follow their daily routine

Masking

Your child can pick up accents easily

Your child grew up wishing they could just go live in the forest away from people

Your child gets anxious when you ask aabout their day

Your child emotionally relates to fictional characters more than real people

Your child has said ‘I just don’t have the energy to act human right now’

Your child has described people as ‘just too much’

Your child was so ashamed of being different they tried to reshape their personality so people would like them

Misc ones I haven’t really sorted yet

Your child is protective and doesn’t like anybody new coming into their room

Your child wishes it was easier to get up and do what they need to

Your child is confused by how other people relate to their gender

Your child thinks their functioning is an inconvenience to people

Your child is either ‘on’ or ‘off’ and there is no in between

Your child gets stuck in excitement feedback loops with their friends

Your child is convinced they just aren’t working hard enough

Your child is on their third hobby this week

Your child spaces out randomly during the day

Your child considers every step of getting dressed an individual task they have to do (from @sisi7304 on twitter)

Your child differentiates between food they like and food they think is good (@sweetmoonpigeon on twitter)

Your child has severe imposter syndrome about whether they’re neurodivergent ‘enough’

Your child isn’t sure what they’re supposed to do to be a man or a woman

Your child’s fingers and toes change colour in the cold

[reverie-starlight]

{he comforts you while you’re grieving - m. atsumu}

Alright, I really, really needed this. It’s been a rough 9 months and today wasn’t necessarily horrible but I’ve always wanted to write a grief comfort story, so here’s some comfort from one of my comfort characters. I honestly don’t care if this does well or not, this is strictly for my own comfort and for anyone else who has lost a mother/someone close to them. I hope better days are ahead for all of us <3

gn!reader, no physical descriptions

warnings: death of a parent (mother specifically), grief, intrusive thoughts, depression, but it’s hurt/comfort! atsumu comforts you a ton. heavy angst to super fluff.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Grief came in waves.

Most days you were fine. That’s the only word that really accurately described how life has been these last few months. After it happened.

You weren’t explicitly good or bad in any capacity, you were just fine. And you hid it well enough for people to think you were doing good. Getting better.

Moving on.

You hated that phrase so much in relation to grief. You don’t move on from what happened to you. To your loved one. You’re just forced to move forward with everything they left you with. The weight of the emotions you feel don’t get lighter over time, you just adjust over and over again until you grow used to it. Until you feel numb enough to forget how heavy it actually all is.

For some people, that didn’t really click. Nine months in and they were starting to act like your grieving was just an inconvenience. Like everyone was just waiting for you to be happy again.

“Come on, y/n, why don’t you ever come out anymore?” or “What, you don’t want to celebrate with us? You’re selfish,” were common phrases from friends and family alike.

It was made clear to you that they were all getting tired of your shit and that you were becoming a problem, so when you had your unscheduled breakdowns, you tended to hide away.

Even from the one person you could never hide anything from.

He was supposed to be at training, so you figured if you were going to breakdown, you’d try your best to hold it off until he left that morning.

And you had, you managed to hold off on the wave you had felt coming on for a bit. You knew it was bound to happen and you couldn’t (and shouldn’t) stop it completely, but you were at least able to wait until you were alone.

But you lost track of the days and forgot that he always came home early on Fridays.

You sat on the bed and looked through your flash drive of old pictures of your mom to try to remember the good times.

Then a video of the two of you started playing and you were immediately hit with the realization that you haven’t heard her voice in such a long time.

You’d never hear it in person again.

The wave hit full force and you were flooded with thoughts and realizations that she would never watch you get married, or graduate university or start your career.

You’d never see her again.

Everything you already had playing on loop in your brain 24/7 since your mother’s death felt fresher today.

You curled up on the bed and sobbed into a pillow. All you wanted was to be hugged by her but that wasn’t possible anymore.

The day she died and how you reacted was shown over and over again in your head, clear as day.

You didn’t hear the door open or your boyfriend calling out to you.

He had brought food home with him and was ready to catch up on your favourite show with you.

Normally on Fridays, Atsumu would be greeted with you singing along to whatever song was playing as you either cleaned or baked, but today the house was silent.

Save for some crying that could be heard from your shared room.

“Hey, are you in he- oh baby.” He walked in, both worried and confused as to what was wrong before taking in the sight of you.

In the moment, you didn’t register the fact that someone was seeing you breakdown again. All you were able to make sense of was the gentleness in Atsumu’s voice, so you whimpered and pathetically held your arms out for him. You just wanted to be held.

He immediately rushed to you and picked you up a bit to move you over so he’d have room to cuddle you. He frowned when you clung to him and sobbed into his chest, not yet understanding.

Running a hand up and down your back soothingly, he looked around the room. He noticed your laptop was open and saw the paused video.

He was able to piece together what had you in this state soon after that.

Atsumu just held you tighter against him, shushing you and moving his hand to the back of your head.

You were mumbling incoherent words, so he pulled away slightly to hear you better.

“I miss her so much, Atsumu,” you sounded tired.

His heart broke. He wondered how long you’d been crying. “I know, sweetheart, I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

His own eyes welled up with tears as you continued to ramble on about how she was going to miss out on the rest of your life and how unfair it was that you didn’t have a mom anymore.

You started to calm down and the realization of what was happening made you freeze. You did it again, you thought, you’re being a burden.

“Angel,” he said once he felt you stiffen. He knew how much the words of your family and friends had bothered you and he didn’t want you thinking that he thought of you as a burden.

You looked up at him pitifully. “Mhmm?”

“I love you so much. She loved you too, okay? I saw it every time we went to visit her. I don’t know how much you feel up to it, but if you want to talk about her, I’m all ears,” he pressed his forehead against yours and blew some air at your nose. He grinned when you scrunched it up and managed a small giggle. “You’re not a burden. This is natural, you don’t have to hide away from me. I’m all yours, baby. Let me be here for you.”

Your bottom lip wobbled again as he spoke. “Thank you, ‘tsum, that means the world to me.”

You thought of how often Atsumu defended you to everyone who thought you were dragging the grieving process on for too long. How he always held you and reminded you that only you knew what was best for you and to screw what anyone else says about how you’re coping.

You felt slightly silly for feeling like you needed to hide from someone as understanding as him.

You sighed and flopped onto your back, feeling emotionally and physically exhausted. You laughed when he quickly ran a finger over a piece of exposed skin on your stomach.

“There you are,” he smiled. You offered him a weak smile, still not feeling 100% but definitely a bit better than when you were keeping your emotions all penned up.

He rolled over on top of you and you made contact with his pretty brown eyes once again.

“I brought food home, do you feel like eating right now? I can bring it here if you want.”

You shook your head. “No, we can eat at the table… hey, ‘tsum?”

“Hm?”

“Do you think after we eat we can come back here and look through some of these pictures and videos together? I don’t feel like letting her go for the day yet.”

“Of course, my love, sounds like a plan.” He moved off of you and picked you up once again, carrying you to the kitchen.

“Baby,” you called.

He looked at you with a mouthful of food and nodded at you.

“Thank you for caring for me and being so gentle when I get like this. For trying to understand me and not letting me get so isolated. It’s really lonely, but you make it less so. I know it can’t be easy having to deal with me when I’m like this.”

He grasped your hand from across the table. “I love you so much and nothing you do or feel is ever too much for me. Looking out for you is never a chore and helping you when you’re going through something incredibly difficult may not be easy but it isn’t a negative thing for me, either.”

You squeezed his hand tight and brought it up to your mouth for a kiss.

The grief came in waves but at least you’d never drown as long as he was at your side.

[unwantedtomost]

the night before — sebastian stan

sebastian stan x fem!reader

word count: 2,644 words

summary: you were invited to your ex’s wedding and despite all logical reasoning, you decided to go. now it’s the night before the wedding and you’re in the same night club with your ex. time to make some more mistakes.

warnings: angst, crying, cheating, oral (fem receiving), unprotected sex.

a/n: i am going to make a part two because i want to explore this more. also, thank you so much for almost 500 notes on my first one shot! enjoy :)

The love of your life was getting married and it wasn’t to you. When you heard the news, you laughed out loud, a bit too loud for being in a quaint cafe. You thought that the girl Sebastian was dating was going to be nothing more than a rebound from you, even when you heard the news that they were engaged, you thought that it wasn’t serious. But now it’s the day before their wedding and you’re pretty sure she’s not a rebound anymore.

You wish you didn’t know what day the wedding was, but you did because you were invited. Sebastian invited you. What kind of asshole would do something like that? You know he saw it as taking the high road, being a bigger person, but it just came off as a pretentious douche bag move to show that he could be happy too. Without you. And how did this get past his fiance, Lauren? Did she want you to come?

You planned on not attending because why the fuck would you want to go? But then your friend, Emerson, talked you into it. “It’s in Hawaii,” “It’ll show him that you can still be friends,” “Rub it in their faces that you don’t care anymore.” They were all very shitty reasonings but you were drunk when you RSVP’d and even drunker when you booked the plane ticket. You had been drinking a lot in the weeks leading up to the wedding, it was the only thing that made all the nerves go away. You promised yourself that you would stop drinking so much after they were married and you intended on keeping that promise.

You had been trying your best to stay as far away from Sebastian as possible in the three-day period leading up to the wedding. It had been working well so far, until tonight. You and Emerson decided to go to a nightclub away from the resort you were staying at because you heard that that’s where the bachelor party was being held. Much to your surprise, that was false information. Now you’re starring at Sebastian from across the room with eyes wide and a jaw down to the floor.

“I thought you said they were gonna be at the resort!” You yelled at Emerson over the loud music.

“That’s what the bridesmaids told me,” she defended. “But it doesn’t even matter, we came out to have a good night. Fuck him! You can be nice tomorrow.”

You quickly started to regret every single one of your decisions you had made in the past three months. Accepting the invitation, booking the plane ticket, and leaving your hotel room tonight. You knew you shouldn’t be here but you were and you hated it.

“This was a mistake. I’m booking a plane ticket and I’m going back home. Tonight.”

“What?! You can’t do that.”

“The hell I can’t.” You grabbed your phone from your purse only to get it grabbed from your hand and shoved into Emerson’s pocket. “What the hell!”

“You’re not just going to leave.”

“Why not?”

“It’s been two years, y/n. You have been telling me that you’re finally over him for a year, that’s why we’re even here, right? Because you’re over him?”

You took in a shaky breath. No, you weren’t over him. You knew you should be, but you weren’t. You thought seeing him say “I do” would force you into moving on, finally letting him go. Now, you wanted to slap yourself for being so stupid.

“Yes,” you lie despite yourself.

“Good, so let’s go get you a drink and a hot piece of ass! And in the morning we’re going to watch as he gets married and you’re going to finally let go of him, okay?”

“Okay,” you nod.

You had to get over him, it had been two years. This was the way to do it. You would force yourself to let him go and be happy. That would make you happy … right?

You and Emerson walked to the bar, ordering shot after shot until you were dizzy. Then you ordered a long island ice tea which you did not need. After you basically chugged the drink, you made your way to the dance floor.

You changed from grinding on Emerson to random individuals and you couldn’t have cared less. Everything about tomorrow and moving on left your mind completely. Right now you were living in the moment, something you were always working to do. You could tell that the individual dancing behind you hadn’t switched for four songs, so you decided to turn around. You were hoping for it to be someone cute and nice. Someone to take you somewhere and fuck the worries away. Instead, it was Sebastian.

Your smile faded and so did his. You went still, your eyes trained on his. It felt weird to be the only people in the crowd not moving. You had lost all sense of anything, you didn’t know if you stood like that for seconds or for hours.

Something in your jumbled thoughts forced you to speak. “Hi.”

“Hi,” he yelled back. His face was unreadable at that moment, you blamed it on the alcohol but you weren’t sure if you could have deciphered what it meant even if you were sober. “I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Yeah, a few months, I think.” You were sure, it had been four months prior, right before you heard about the engagement. You ran into each other at a red carpet event and you tried your best to act normal.

“Do you … uh—do you want to go get a drink?”

You stood still again, silent. Your brain needed a minute to process the request. You definitely did not need another drink. “Sure.”

You followed behind Sebastian to the bar, a trip you had made with Emerson no less than an hour ago. He ordered himself a Screwdriver and you a Sex on the Beach, your favorite. You had both sucked down half of your drinks before either of you spoke.

“How are you?” He asked.

“Fine, I guess,” you replied. “How are you?”

“Good, good, really good.”

“That’s good.”

It went quiet again and even though the music all around you was blaring, it sounded only like white noise at this point. A thought came into your mind “tell him how you feel.” In a sober state, you would have shut down the thought immediately, but now it played on a loop. The chant continued to play in your head as you finished the last of your drink. You felt the tension in your body rise from your feet to the pit of your stomach, up past your throat, and to your head, making you dizzy.

“Can I tell you something?” You blurted out.

“Sure.”

“It’s loud in here.”

Sebastian chuckled, almost in relief. “Is that what you wanted to tell me?”

“No,” you said, too unaware to get how cringe-worthy you were being. “Can we go somewhere, uh, quieter?”

He nodded and you took his hand and went to go find a secluded location. You weren’t going to be that asshole who jammed the bathroom door shut. Also, you were pretty sure you’d get kicked out if you did that. It took a few minutes but you finally landed your sights on a room. The door was unlocked and you realized it was a coat closet, so you picked it as your location. You closed the door before turning back to Sebastian.

The music was quieter in here, it was muffled and far away. It smelled vaguely of cigarettes but you didn’t mind too much, it was dull.

“What did you want to tell me?” Sebastian asked, voice louder than it needed to be due to how unexpectedly quiet it was.

This was it, your one time to speak your mind. You might never get another situation like this ever again. You needed to let it all out.

“I don’t think I’m over you,” you confess. “And I really don’t know if I will ever be. I know it’s been two years and you’re getting married tomorrow, but I’m still not over you. I’ve been telling myself that when I see you at that alter tomorrow, everything is magically going to go away, but I don’t know if it will.”

“Why are you telling me this, y/n?”

“Because this is the one-shot I’m gonna get. You’re getting married tomorrow morning and you need to know this. Well, actually, you probably don’t, but I need to tell you. I need to let it out or otherwise, I think I might actually fucking explode.” You took a deep breath before the words started pouring out again. “When I heard you were engaged I laughed. It was funny that you were getting this poor girl’s hopes up when we all knew that you were just going to call it off. But you never did, and I was the only one laughing. I’m pretty sure that you were my person. And I think the only reason I accepted that we were done was because I didn’t think we were actually done. I thought you were gonna come back to me. I thought one day we would look back on this and laugh because it was so stupid.”

As you talked, your throat began to feel sore, your eyes stung from the tears forcing their way down your cheeks.

“I’m sorry about everything. I should have fought for us when we had the chance and I should give up right now and—”

Sebastian cut you off by cupping your face and wiping the tears away. “Hey, hey, hey,” he cooed softly, pulling you into him. You buried your face in his chest as he softly rubbed the back of your head. “It’s okay, you’re okay.”

His sweet tone made you cry harder. You wished he would have been mean. You wish he told you to get over it and move on. But he was sweet and consoling you because that’s the type of guy he was. He was the girl who consoled his ex-girlfriend on the night before his wedding. That’s the kind of guy girls want to marry, that’s the kind of guy you should have married. At least if he was an asshole, it would have easier to move on. No one gets hung up on the asshole, they get hung up over the good guy.

You pulled away from him, wiping the tears away with the back of your hand.

“Do you still love me?”

“Y/n…” he sighed.

“Tell me you don’t. God, please tell me you don’t. Tell me that you moved on and that you love her. Could you tell me that? Tell me that you never think twice about me and that you only invited me to your wedding because you honestly think we can be just friends. I need you to tell me you still don’t care. If you tell me that, I’ll walk out the door right now and you don’t ever have to see me again. I’ll wish you good luck on your marriage and I’ll be gone. Can you just tell me that? I really need you to tell me that.”

You looked up to him with pleading, puppy dog eyes. You wanted him—you needed him to tell you that it was never going to happen. You needed closure to move on.

“I-I can’t,” he confessed. “Not honestly.”

You let out a breath you were holding before pulling him closer. You kissed him deeply and passionately, you needed him. He pulled you closer, melting into your mouth. This was it, this felt right. You didn’t think about the repercussions, you couldn’t. All you could think about was his mouth on yours, his hands on your skin.

He backed you up so your back was flat against the door. The hand that wasn’t pulling you closer by the hip locked the door. He hoisted you up, seemingly with no effort as you wrapped your legs around his waist. You made haste with his button-up as he started to push your dress up your thighs. You stayed like that for a while, tugging, kissing.

After a while, Sebastian put you down. This made you nervous, was he going to leave you here? Was the kiss just one dumb, hot mistake?

Instead of walking away, he knelt down in front of you. He grabbed your panties and pulled them down your legs. You looked down at him and let out a moan at the sight of him; lips read and raw from kissing, eyes blown out with lust. He hiked your right leg over his shoulder before looking up at you, asking you if you wanted him to continue. You nodded aggressively, letting out a few whines of anticipation.

He dived in, sending you into a state of euphoria. You pressed your head against the door as your hands tugged at his jet black hair. You pulled your bottom lip between your teeth, trying your best to keep in whatever moans he coaxed out of you. You felt you were nearing your high, but he pulled away before you could get there.

You let out a cry at the loss of contact. You tryed your best to pull him back to you, but he instead pushed your hands away, pinning your wrists against the door. He stood back up, form towering over your own.

“You’re so fuckin’ needy,” Sebastian stated, voice low and raspy. He undid his pants before hosting you up against the door again. He pumped his member before putting the tip at your entrance, teasing you. “Are you sure?”

You nodded, pulling him closer by his shoulders. “Please, fuckin’ need you.”

With that, he pushed in, both of you letting out loud wanton moans. You forgot what is was like to be with him. He was on the bigger end of the men you’d been with and he was by far the best. As he thrusted into you, you started to realize how much you missed him every sense of the word. You missed the way he would kiss you in the morning, you missed the way he said he loved you in the middle of a fight, and you missed the way he grunted in your ear when you would have sex.

You both held each other close as he continued to snap his hips against yours. One of his hands reached down to rub your clit, making you let out another moan. You knew you were close again and you wondered how you could finish so fast when you were with him.

“I’m so close,” you warned.

“I know baby,” he cooed. “Wanna watch you.”

You leaned your head back so you could now see each others faces. He admired how you looked all fucked out and needy. He loved how your eye brows knitted together when you were trying not to cum and he loved the way you bit your lip every time he stared into your eyes. And he loved you.

“I love you, y/n,” he accidentally said, thoughts slipping into words.

Your eyes went wide but you couldn’t help but smile. “Fuck, I love you too, Seb.”

The confession brought you closer to your high and before you knew it, you were clutching his shirt in your hands as your legs cleanched around his waist. You both moaned loudly as you came, holding each other as close as possible. You stayed against the door, holding onto him tightly for a while. Then he slipped out of you and set you back down on shaky legs.

“Did you mean it?” You asked after minutes of staring into his eyes.

He hesitated, “yes.”

“Now what are we gonna do?”

[roxlma]

I've been listening to Pebble Brain non-stop on loop while working on things lately and also obsessively playing Genshin Impact, so I woke up in a cold sweat this morning when my brain tried to combine the two

I then promptly realized that most of the other lyrics made no sense in this context, and it made even less sense after playing today's portion of the quest, but I don't get the urge to draw much anymore so I'm not gonna let it pass me by LOL (The song in question is "You'll Understand When You're Older")

[shoichee]

Hello and congrats on the 100 milestone! Can you do prompt #19 for Midorima? 😁

MAN OH MAN IT’S BEEN A LONG TIME BUT I’M FINALLY BACK, TSYM for being here since the beginning, i rlly rlly appreciate it <333 so HERES SOME FLUFF

Midorima x Reader

19. “I think I’m in love with you, and that scares the crap out of me”

Word Count: 3349

prompt list here

»»—————　☼　—————««

“Seriously, are you sure you’re not secretly related to Shin-chan?” Takao shoves another helping of rice into his mouth and you instantly frown at his messy eating habits.

“Takao, it doesn’t hurt to wipe the grains off your cheeks with napkins that the cafeteria always abundantly provides,” you say, not once taking your eyes off of the study guide you compiled for the class final. “And please don’t talk with your mouth open.” You can easily sense Takao groaning before slapping his eyes while leaning back in frustration, but you still carried on in skimming your notes instead.

“And that’s exactly why Shin-chan doesn’t know how to approach you,” he petulantly mumbles. You spared a glance above your packets, not catching his inaudible words.

“Pardon?”

“Never mind,” Takao sighs, settling to childishly stabbing the shrimp tempuras with his chopsticks and popping them into his mouth. “You werdn’t gert it.”

“What did I just say about your eating manners?” You roll your eyes, choosing to brush off his words as you continue to devote your attention to your papers. Takao simply opts to noisily munch on the rest of his lunch while being deep in thought, letting you study in some relative peace. He then gets up, tosses his trash away, and plops back down on his seat, and he props up his chin on his arm, watching you completely engrossed in your own world and figuring out how to exactly figure out his next best course of action.

“Y’know what? Screw this, I’m not getting paid to be a wingman for two difficult people,” he dramatically sighs, purposely trying to get your attention, and it worked. “You might wanna start paying attention to poor Shin-chan before he over thinks himself to death.” Takao does an exaggerated shrug and a shake of his head to emphasize the “seriousness” of the situation. You merely frown.

“You never cease to amaze me with your convoluted words. If you want something from me, just spit it out already.” You reluctantly let down your papers to give him your undivided attention, and Takao leans closer, dropping his voice to a hush.

“Look, I know you see him in a different light from the others,” he whispers conspiringly. “And he does too.” He makes pointer-finger motions in front of him to represent “you” and “Midorima.”

“... This again?” You pinch your nose bridge and release a harsh sigh, but you nonetheless let Takao continue.

“Come on, would it really hurt to do a confession? For someone so blunt and straightforward, you’re really dragging this out for way too long.” Takao frowns at your deadpan expression but continues his little movements with his makeshift “finger puppets.” “Once you”—he takes his left index finger—“and Shin-chan”—he brings his right index closer to his left—“do the chu”— he brings his index fingers together to imply the situation—“I can finally be free from the clutches of Shi—”

“I already told you,” you smoothly interrupt, “that we don’t see each other that way. He’s been a reliable partner in class projects and a very helpful person to share notes with. I’m very certain it’s like that on his end with me too.”

“Why do you sound so disappointed when you say it like that?” Takao slowly grows a shit-eating (yet hopeful) smirk. You scowl at his implications. Takao amusedly notes that you’re way too similar to his best friend.

“There’s no chance that we’ll ever get to that stage… ever. Okay? Satisfied now?”

“So you are disappointed at the possible outcome,” Takao gleefully says, his face showing all signs of plans being concocted in his mind. You completely widen your eyes at your simple slip-up.

“I… it’s not a possible outcome, damn it,” you vehemently insist. “It’s a guarantee.”

“Puh-lease (y/n)-chan, how do you know unless you try it?”

“Alright Takao,” you dryly reply. “Why don’t you try staring directly at the sun first before confirming that you become blind from that?”

“That’s not the same!”

“Same logic,” you huff. “Look, you know Midorima-san more than anyone, and even you know how he thinks. He finds the concept of friends and teammates to be pretty unnecessary, and frankly I can empathize with him. If he finds camaraderie to be a hassle already, dating is already beyond off the table. It takes much more to be a genuine friend to him than your average person, and if I do, by chance, confess, I’d be throwing away everything that I built up with him like an idiot… just being like this with him is more than enough for me. Besides, a relationship isn’t important right now, not when class takes up most of the time.”

“Well, normally yes, but in this specific case, there’s an excep—”

“I already came clean with this,” you say, furrowing your brows. “So can you finally let me study for this class in peace? Obviously, it’s a given for you not to open your mouth to anyone else about this.” With that, you tune out any further noise and burrow yourself into your class materials, and Takao could only sigh as he tries to wrack his brain for another way to play wingman.

“... Seriously, they’re both so stubborn.”

———

“(y/n)-san.”

“Hm?”

You turn around from looking at the bulletin to the person who just addressed you. Midorima stares down at you quite seriously before he promptly clears his throat.

“You’re blocking the way, nanodayo.”

“Ah… I apologize,” you say, immediately stepping closer to the bulletin to clear up the hallway. You turn your face to appear fixated on the bulletin board, but still sensing Midorima staring at you, you reluctantly peek at him from your peripheral vision. “... Is there something else you need, Midorima-san?” Midorima looks at the bulletin board for a moment before he turns back to your face.

“Regarding the group project we were paired to do in chemistry,” he starts, “the teacher praised our work very highly and wants to know if he can use it as an example for future lectures. I’m here to hear your answer on his behalf.”

You mentally sigh from the secretive disappointment. Of course Midorima was here for straightforward business. Nothing more, nothing less. Still, Takao’s words begin flitting through your mind now… of all times.

“Of course he can use it,” you smile. “I think it’s an honor to have our project regarded so highly like that, especially since so much effort was put into it… although… I think you’re the reason why we received such a high score, Midorima-san.” You train your gaze on Midorima, trying to gauge his reaction from the compliment, but he gives no such sign away, not any that you were aware of as far as you were concerned.

“(y/n)-san, I believe your own efforts and work ethic shouldn’t be trivialized,” Midorima replies, briefly closing his eyes and adjusting his frames. “After all, you are the one who made this project a cohesive final product, one that is also comprehensible to other peers in our presentation.”

“Ah… well…” You were definitely thrown in for a loop, not expecting Midorima to compliment you back so openly, albeit probably not for the reasons you were hoping for. “... Thank you, Midorima.” In an attempt to curb your growing flusteredness, you opted to stare at the bulletin board again, pretending to be occupied in reading the pinned papers.

“... Right.” Midorima softly clears his throat. “I’ll be taking my leave back to the faculty office. It was good talking to you.”

He swiftly turns around and walks back in the direction he came from, and when you were certain that he was walking judging from his footsteps, you turn your head to stare at his back before averting your gaze.

You frown once he exits out of your sight as you ponder about his particular diction.

“It was good talking to you”? Had Midorima ever said that to anyone before? You sigh to yourself and pinch your nose bridge to chastise yourself. Takao was right; you might’ve fallen a little too hard for the reserved individual, but even still, a relationship isn’t something you wanted to actively chase after.

Amidst your dilemma, you were completely unaware that Takao watched the entire exchange, holding back his laughter from seeing you uncharacteristically look like an absolute love-stricken fool. He got too much of a kick out of seeing the both of you trying to flirt… and an even bigger kick when he saw Midorima turning around to briefly “discreetly” stare at you while you were having your inner monologue.

———

“Takao, I’m having none of your bullshit today.” Midorima simply scowls as he prepares to leave the main building to the gym. Takao merely tags along while taunting him in a sing-song voice.

“Come onnn,” Takao insists, slapping Midorima’s back a little too harshly. “You said it yourself didn’t you? Favorable outcomes come to those who prepare the most. Don’t lie, I know you’ve been planning to naturally bump into our (y/n)-chan in different scenarios. Like yesterday in the hall—”

“You knew?!” Midorima jumps out of his skin to shoot an accusatory look at him, but Takao merely struggles to hold back a snicker at his reaction.

“Shin-chan, how hard is it to say three specific little words to someone else?” Takao sends a frustrated look. “You’ve always gone the extra mile to prepare your lucky items, read the Oha Asa predictions, and do little rituals not just for yourself but also for (y/n)-chan too, yet you don’t want to do a simple thing like confessing?”

“A confession isn’t that simple,” he retorts. “It can alter my fate for potentially worse if I’m not prepared.”

“Jeez, only you can take this so seriously,” Takao sighs, which only earned him a withering look from Midorima’s end. “But then again, it’s nice that you see it as something serious… but when are you actually gonna do it?” His response was only silence, as if he didn’t really give much thought about it until it was brought up now.

“That’s none of your concern.”

“Oh come on, Shin-chan!”

“To be honest,” he says, stopping in place. “The horoscope says that Cancers would be rejected by signs like of (y/n)-san’s, much less be compatible. Predictions state that such relationships between the two would be troublesome.”

“Okay, Shin-chan,” Takao says, patting Midorima’s shoulder. “I know I constantly joke about this Oha Asa and this entire thing with (y/n)-chan, but”—he stops when he sees Midorima giving him another scathing look—“even if the horoscopes state it so, it’s like you said: favorable outcomes come to those who do the most. If you did everything you could, I see no reason to be scared. Plus, you have me to help you.”

“... It’s not that. Part of this is beyond what I can do to prepare. Whatever I do will not influence (y/n)-san’s answer, and that is something out of my control.”

“You know, you could just say that you’re nervous.”

“I am not.”

“Well, if you want me to be honest,” Takao says. “I think it’s because the two of you are so eerily similar that you find it hard to approach (y/n)-san. Like, when’s the last time you’ve met someone as serious and stiff as yo—I’m kidding, I’m kidding! Please don’t raise your fist at me!”

“That being said,” he continues, “Just talk to (y/n) like you’ve talked to everyone else. I mean you both always hit it off when you talk together in class.”

“I… suppose…”

“Trust me,” Takao grins, slightly elbowing Midorima’s ribs. “I’d like to think of myself as an accurate guy in ball-passing and in detecting social cues.”

———

You really tried to carry yourself normally.

You really did.

But a part of you is becoming hyper-aware of everything Midorima does, and being your normally collected self is suddenly becoming a lot more difficult. Studying at your own desk is nigh impossible with both Midorima’s words and Takao’s implications running through your mind. Even Midorima, who normally minds his own business, shoots you pensive looks here and there during class, and he approaches you during break after.

“... Your sign is at one of the lowest ranks in luck today… may that be the reason why you’re not being your usual self?” He studies as you pull yourself together.

“Erm… somewhere along the lines, yeah. Most likely woke up on the wrong side of the bed today,” you mumble, rubbing your neck to ease the nervousness.

“Is that so…” he says. He pulls out a small toy that was found in the local gachapon down the street. “Ahem… I hear that your lucky item is this today.” He holds it out in front of you, silently waiting for you to take it, and you gently pluck it out of his large hands.

“Well, what about you?” you inquire. “I’m sure you got this toy for a reason, like say… for your own good luck?”

“Well,” he coughs. “I have my own. I am always prepared for such occurrences should things go awry.”

“You’re always so prepared for everything,” you quietly laugh. “Not that it’s a bad thing, though. I do wish I was more like you in that regard.”

“W-Well, I think you have your own admirable traits to be proud of, er…” Midorima slowly turns red and contemplates backtracking on his words. “I-If you excuse me, I must get going for health committee duties, nanodayo.” He heaves his bag on his shoulder as you wave at him, and he lingers there, debating on something that you aren’t sure what it is. “Might you have time afterschool today?”

“Uh… not that I think of,” you reply. “Are you already looking ahead to the next partner assignment?”

“Actually, no… it won’t take much of your time, (y/n)-san. It’s something quick. Can we meet at the vending machines near the gym? I do have practice around that time, so I hope somewhere nearby could suffice for you too.”

“That’s fine with me, because… I feel like I need to tell you something too or I won’t be able to study at this rate, but if you have practice, shouldn’t you be focused on that more?”

“It’s fine. This one takes… a higher priority.” Midorima fixes his glasses and readjusts his grip on his shoulder bag as he ponders about your own words. “If this arrangement is fine with you, I will be seeing you after school.” You only nod as you wave goodbye at him again, and you exhale a long sigh of relief and nervousness once he leaves. You really wonder if telling Midorima that you had something important to tell him was a good move on your part, considering that you can’t backtrack your words on someone as stubborn as him. Takao may or may not have seen Midorima’s attempt in being forward and silently laughed himself to oblivion in the corner of the classroom.

———

“Were you waiting long, Midorima-san?” You briskly jog with your heavy bag to the destined location to see Midorima thumbing through his book before he looks up.

“You are as punctual as always.” He closes his book with a thud and places it in his bag on the bench before he stands up to face you. “Which is always appreciated considering it is not as common in others.”

“I just think it’s common courtesy.”

“Not quite, considering I asked you rather suddenly to meet me here,” he says. “You aren’t obligated to even agree in meeting me, yet here you are on time, just like with our past project sessions.”

“Well… you did say it was important enough that you put practice as a second priority, and I do want to tell you something too.”

“R-Right…”

An awkward silence dominates the exchange after Midorima clears his throat and goes silent as you patiently wait in agony. You eye at his troubled expression, wondering what sort of thing he was going to tell you that got him so worked up. At the same time, you grew slightly antsier, quietly tapping a foot or rubbing your neck, and you wonder if Midorima was actually waiting for you to say something first.

“I… I think I’m in love with you, and that scares the crap out of me.”

“I-I believe I may have developed feelings akin to attraction for you.”

“Uh…”

“Ahem…”

Both of you stare at each other in unadulterated surprise.

“... You… like me?” Midorima murmurs, his eyes still full blown in shock.

“L-Likewise,” you reply, opting to stare at Midorima’s bag on the bench instead. Another awkward silence ensues as both of you take in each other’s sudden words and Midorima clears his throat again.

“... Why are you afraid of liking me?” Midorima restores his composure, staring at your flustered state with furrowed brows, thinking that he somehow made you uncomfortable at some point throughout the year.

“Wait… no! That’s not what I meant!” you say, mildly shaking your head. “Uh, let me rephrase that…” Midorima silently watches you as you continue. “Well, you weren’t the person to have romance in your mind, let alone have feelings, let alone for me, and… my friendship with you is something that I treasure, and I don’t want to hinder you with such things that can make you uncomfortable in being around me. That was why I was afraid, although I’ve been in denial about it until recently.”

“I see.”

“And um, I thought that confessing to you would end the friendship we had.”

“... Likewise.” Midorima uses your word against you with an upward curl of his lip. It almost seems like he was teasing you. You grow redder at his response, but he continued. “I suppose the lucky item I gave you provided the most favorable outcome for the day.” You only nod as you processed everything that just happened in a few moments, and both of you went quiet again.

“...”

“...”

“So…”

“... I’m not sure what to do next,” Midorima frowns. “I wasn’t prepared for this particular situation, nanodayo.” You only smile at his own flusters.

“Well…” you say. “We could date, but I don’t think that’s important right now, considering that we still have to focus on school… I mean unless you want to, then we can try to make it work?”

“Ahem, while I do think these things are quite frivolous,” he says. “I suppose we can learn to balance our relationship with other aspects of our lives accordingly.”

“I would like that,” you smile, walking to approach closer to Midorima. “Could we… um, hold hands? If you’re not into that though, that’s okay.” He says nothing in response but his hand slowly reaches out for your own to gently clasp, and closes his eyes in bliss before he opens them to look at you.

“... I must go to practice soon. It’s almost time.”

“I see,” you mumble. “If that’s the case, I’ll be inside the library to cram in extra lectures.” You pull your hand away to separate, but he holds you tighter. “Midorima?”

“... I’ll walk you there, nanodayo.” He peers over your face to gauge any objections on your end, but when he finds none, he gently tugs you along as you both walk to the building next-door.

“I never knew you were into hand-holding.”

“N-Not really,” he quietly says, his ears turning red.

“Actually,” you say, bringing Midorima’s attention back to you in light of the topic change. “I need to thank Takao tomorrow… he’s the one who pushed me to confess.”

“Hmph,” he scoffs. “I do suppose that the idiot has some merits to his words.”

“I do now see what he means when he keeps insisting that we’re too alike in personality and preferences.”

“That just means we’re more compatible than what fate initially predicted, nanodayo.”

“You checked the horoscopes for relationship compatibility? Never would I have thought that such things occupied your mind, Midorima…”

“Urk—That’s…”