#this may also be one of the reason my grandma didnt want me to watch ''that stupid cartoon''

[gwenwillilearn]

i remember when i first watched that episode of tdwt aftershow where leshawna sings that song that's basically an f you to alejandro, in the italian version of the song she says "bastard" and, as a polite 11 yo kid, i was like "you can say.......that.....on tv???????"

[amphii-writes]

Random Haikyuu Head Canons I Have

these are all taken from my discord server cause i remember to write them there, if you want to request fanfics, my requests are W I D E open! there is also nO order! these are just all the headcanons i could find tbh

warnings: mentions of blood, and just overall wild times, swearing

Asahi loves knitting sweaters because his shoulders are broad and he also loves seeing the reactions from his teammates when they get a sweater from him! He says he buys them but he doesn’t

Aone likes knitting socks because he has big feet and he loves fluffy knee high socks but his team will never know

Asahi and Aone regularly hang out and knit together! (after asahi wasnt scared of him anyways)

Nishinoya gives you shiny rocks he finds because “your eyes shine like them!”

Yamaguchi likes to have your head rest on his chest while cuddling!

Aone likes to bake

Aone dressed like a polar bear because koganegawa told him to- halloween was amazing

daICHI HAS A KISS THE COOK APRON

Daichi secretly can make some kick ass steak and is amazing at grilling sorry

Okay but real talk, Kenma and Yaku swear like sailors and it scares everyone because they always whisper the most foul, insulting things under their breath. Hearing it is like seeing a cryptid

Speaking of cryptids, Fukunaga and Shibayama are THE most true crime, mythology, and mystery obsessed fanatics on the team and often fanboy about it together 

Fukunaga’s obsession with moth man has gotten to an unhealthy stage

Kenma absolutely had a vampire phase and has read twilight. Only Kuroo knows and has sworn to secrecy via blood pact

Kuroo’s a musical nerd. Knows all of the lyrics to Hamilton, BMC, DEH, Heathers, Rent, Beetlejuice, Etc. Kenma considered dropping him because of it

Iwaizumi tells the worst dad jokes and Kyotani, wanting to beat him, started doing it too and it drives everyone insane

Yahaba and Matsukawa get along surprisingly well. Both are true crime freaks and bond over their forensic files obsessions

Matsukawa didn’t really like his thick eyebrows so he got one of his female friends to pluck it for him, but almost cried and gave up after the first hair. Oikawa called him a pussy for the next year

Hanamaki jokingly flirts with everyone on the team so most of them just got used to it, but it still confuses Kindaichi to the point of mental breakdown

Makki called Kyotani ‘puppy’ as a joke once and now mad dog is truly terrified of him

Kyotani’s dog absolutely ADORES Oikawa and it’s the funniest shit to the rest of the team

Mattsun and Makki play DnD and once convinced Yahaba and Kyotani to join. Kyotani kept rolling to fight everyone and Yahaba was a bard that kept rolling to seduce everyone. They kept yelling across the board so they had to kick them out

Outside of his school uniform, Goshiki specifically wears only plaid

Tendou makes little chocolates for the whole team every once in a while so they don’t think he’s scary

Semi and Shirabu once had a fistfight in an abandoned McDonald’s parking lot while Tendou filmed and Goshiki cheered them on

Everybody makes fun of Shirabu’s haircut but nobody dares to say it to his face. its gotten to the point where they say he got it done by a blind old lady

There’s a running joke about Shirabu also getting his haircut from prison but Goshiki is starting to suspect that it may not be a joke

Yamagata and Tendou are good friends with the mutual goal of collecting as much blackmail on their team as possible

Tendou loves animals generally considered to be ‘ugly’ like rats, crows, reptiles, etc.

80% of Goshiki’s playlist is shit overplayed on the radio. Him, Shirabu, Tendou, Kawanishi and Ushijima have a permanent ban from the aux cord

Nobody watches YouTube with Ushijima because he never skips the damn ads (other than tendou)

Suna once said y’all’dn’t’ve unironically and made a first year cry

Akagi once said UwU unironically and had an identity crisis.

Osamu has one of those rainbow gaming keyboards and is constantly on a discord call. Atsumu always yells weird shit in the background to embarrass him and once pretended to be him

During Seijoh group chat arguments. Hanamaki and Mattsukawa like to drop facebook minion memes in just to piss everyone off even more

mattsun and maki both have separate photo albums in their phones labelled ‘minion memes to piss everyone off’

Hinata carries a pocket knife and no one has no fucking idea why

mattsun and maki both have matching rat fursuits that look like they actually where in a sewer- they chased oikawa around

For all his talk of plant analogies and metaphors, Ushijima cant grow shit

Goshiki’s Bangs are the way they are because his favorite character was Rock Lee from Naruto

Oikawa has watched Ouran High School Host Club front to back so many times and he can quote all of Tamaki’s lines by heart -He keeps bothering Iwaizumi to “be his Haruhi, since you’re shorter than me”

Koganegawa has definitely gone as an Angry Bird for Halloween

Fukunaga has those reflective cat eyes, and he has terrified Yamamoto on several occasion

Hanamaki and Matsukawa have a teddy bear that they pretend is their child and they share custody

Suga always sprays whipped cream straight into his mouth whenever he sees a can

Nishinoya definitely bit people as a kid

Nishinoya would be the guy to wear shorts all year round and even if it's snowing, he'll insist he's not cold

Tendou is still stuck in his emo phase and would fangirl over Creepypasta with me and I appreciate that (me too buddy, me fuckin too)

Kyoutani LOOKS like he’d listen to viking death metal, but in reality he listens to Mother Mother and knows all the words to Ghosting

Sugawara would definitely encourage me to dumb shit and not stop me, and you’re all dumb for thinking he wouldn’t 

KENMA IS NOT ‘uwu owo’ SHY, HE IS ‘your fucking gross’ SHY SO LITERALLY STFU

Bokuto listens to Nicki Manaj. And knows all the words. To every. Single. Song.

Ushijima for some reason knows an odd amount of 90′s-2000′s R&B and he will hum along to the songs if they come on the radio (he also loves Dolly Parton) ((he says he relates to her music))

Bokuto once ate instant ramen for an entire month

TERUSHIMA DID TRY TO FUCK A PLANT WHILE SHITFACED AND GOD I STAND BY WHAT I SAID

atsumu let’s you put makeup on him and pretends to eat the brushes (do yk what im talking about- like n o m)

tendou ran for school president as a joke but actually won

i 100% believe that all of karasuno’s third years apologize when they bump into inanimate objects, but when suga is really tired or stressed out, he’ll yell at them instead.

Tanaka, Nishinoya, and Taketora have a group chat called "Bros who want sum hoes" and they send each other hypebeast memes and shit

Sugawara knows how to do a bunch of flexible shit because he sometimes goes to yoga with daichi and asahi's moms, its fucking hilarious

tanaka and noya both breakdance- they work as a team and sometimes go to tokyo for underground competitions- saeko drives them

Daichi knows a little ballet- nobody other than Kiyoko knows because they saw each other at the ballet class and had to work together- dont tell tanaka and noya that he lifted her though

Osamu once put glitter on Atsumu's pillow- he still finds hot pink glitter on shit

kita knits and crochets with his grandma

Kita's grandma knows everyone's names because kita talks shit bout them, her favorite is Aran

Kuroo has burnt his eyebrows off doing an experiment. His goggles didn't cover all his brows,,, so he just showed up to practice like that. No eyebrows and a chemical burn

kenma has played all kinds of games, but he was dared to play corpse party by kuroo. He wasn't scared because of the gore, he was thinking about the trauma the characters went through. Punched kuroo the next day because that game was fucked up

Lev isn't a strong swimmer, so he often grabs people by the head to keep himself up. happened with kenma and lev couldn't walk due to the force of kenmas suprised water kicks

akaashi has those fancy pens that you have to dip in ink and they're so nice

Bokuto has and will eat pencil erasers again

Daichi once almost lost his shit at his team but instead he lost his shit at the door that decided to stub his toe on the way out of the gym. not the best thing to be found yelling to.

Yamaguchi for sure has been dragged to one of terushimas parties because he didnt wanna say no. oh and terushima has like frat boy level parties too. Yams has for sure had some wild nights and doubts anyone other than Tsukishima and the party-goers will ever know

Akaashi can actually flirt very well! He reads romance novels sometimes and has analyzed any and every book in his possession! so he's actually quite charming

Daihsou unironically posted on twitter after mika broke up with him "I still see her shadows in my room"

Mattsun and Maki run a fake oikawa account; its been going ever since twitter even started getting popular and they even started sending messages in spanish. The posts would range from "I love all my fans!" to flirting with them :) Oikawa is pissed cause the account got verified before he did and most of his fans also follow the fake oikawa. Tooru has no idea who runs it JUST IMAGINE OIKAWA JUST LIKE RANTING TO THE SEIJOH 3RD YEAR ALUMNI AND JUST "no Iwa-chan, you dont understand! they run a fake account and pretend to be me!" while makki and mattsun laugh their asses off

Oh, kenma for sure has pretended to be a girl on discord and has gotten someone to buy him stuff. after they do he says in his normal voice "fucking simp" and then hangs up and blocks the other persons discord

Yamamoto, despite his rough appearance, loves kids and has and will be a human jungle gym

suna in middle school had a game with his friends about who could make kids cry the fastest

The twins switched places back in middle school and nobody could tell because of how great they are at acting like eachother

Daichi once arrested coach ukai for public intoxication after a game :|

Daichi has arrested many people from his old volleyball team but the most memorable case was when he arrested tanaka and noya for reckless driving. poor idiots got so scared when they saw their old captains face in their mirror and started to pray

tanaka, while trying to intimidate someone, once said "You dont gotta tell me twice, i may be straight but these hands are bisexual" and he often cringes at night thinking about it

Kageyama, as a comeback to Tsukishima, said "one thing about us royalty is that we love to feast" and he also fuckin hates what he said

the third years made a cult for Kiyoko. they chant every wednesday "i'll do anything for kiyoko, she makes me go loco"

oikawas fangirls are known to be fucking rabid

yAMAMOTO AND KENMA AFTER THEIR FIGHT WERE FORCED BY KUROO TO MAKE IT UP: so they dyed their hair together

Makki and mattsun sang two trucks in front of the entire team. everyone was so confused. Makki: "twO TRUCKS HAVIN SEX!!" Mattsun: "oH yEs!"THEY'D SWITCH OFF AND HAVE LIKE CHOREOGRAPHY TOO LIKE THEY'D DO A TANGO WHILE THE SONG IS LIKE "two beer trucks, making love"

tendou once called Oikawa "mr. no-nationals" and got kicked in the shins before iwaizumi could save him

Tsukishima had a my little pony phase

you work with matsukawa at a morgue and he makes dead people jokes while you fix some dead guys face with wax and makeup he'd be like "so didnt he like,,, stick his head out of the sunroof of a moving fuckin car??" he'd be singing dumb ways to die the entire day

i feel like Kuroo has one crazy accident a year. like it might not be deadly but its fucking crazy like for example: Kuroo for sure has ridden in a shopping cart at past midnight with kenma (who pushed him down a hill) causing Kuroo to get scratched up hella well. he lied and said he spent the night with a girl and kenma fucking hated himself cause he would be the girl if that was true

Mattsun has flirted with the 4th years moms before (AS A JOKE), and because of this: he is known as “fuckin milf hunter” sometimes by the team

Warning, this next headcanon is talking about cannabis, weed, mary jane, the zoink root. so if your uncomfortable, please dont read below :)

dude i wanna get high as SHIT with Asahi 

i think Asahi would be one of those mfkers who takes one hit and is gone 

ASAHI ACCIDENTALLY GOING TO PRACTICE ZOINKED 

IMAGINE HIM SEEING TSUKISHIMA AND JUST "he looks so judgemental,,, im scared" 

OR LIKE A MAD DAICHI AND JUST "i'm gonna,,, im gonna go jump out the window now" 

Noya and Tanaka would know tho, i feel like they'd have a 6th sense when it comes to weed. they probably get some from Saeko cause she'd rather they do it in the house. they'd smell asahi like fucking dogs and just so,,, big guy had fun without us huh? 

DAICHI WOULD KNOW ABOUT ASAHI BEING ZOINKED, SMASH HIS FACE INTO THE WALL, TURN AROUND WITH A RED MARK ON HIS FOREHEAD AND WITH A BEAMING SMILE AND FEUX ENTHUSIASM SAY: "YOSH, LETS WARM UP!"

[neverdoingmuch]

I’m here for the ‘swords not as pets’ agenda. Swords as cars: solid, get you from place to place, potentially dangerous, customizable, something people name. Wwx losing his license taking the fall for a mistake jc made (idk, dui maybe?) and just choosing to mod the hell out of a self-balancing scooter or segway or something so it goes dangerously fast. Alternatively: spending 3 months inventing the first functional actual levitating hoverboard, with an insane top speed. 3 months in the (1/2)

sawdfert this is delightful!! i saw segway and i immediately started wheezing,, there was no time for laughing i went straight to the wheezing. i think it would make more sense if wwx lost his car and got a motorcycle? like hoverboards and segways are cool but motorcycles have that big reputation of being dangerous and there’s the whole ‘rebellious teen gets a motorcycle and becomes a delinquent’ thing? like motorcycles are fast and if you crash it’s so much worse than if you were in a car and there’s no airbags or anything. but also?? wwx rocking up to school on a segway while playing his flute like the shittiest entrance ever? iconic. but let’s stick with chenqing as a motorcycle/scooter (motorcycle-esque scooter not the ones that try and take out your ankles).

okay so all the major sects are super rich so in a modern au it would make sense for all the sect heirs to get cars. i’m not saying that jc and wwx complain about jzx being stuck-up bc he was given a porsche for his birthday even though they were also given cars for their birthdays,,, but i am. at first it would have been this major point of contention between yzy and jfm bc wwx isn’t even their son so why is he getting a car too but wwx is like ah it’s so i can drive jc and jyl to school! you wouldn’t want their cars being left outside the school all day would you? someone in my maths class had their car get keyed and it was super expensive to fix,, and yzy is like yes wwx may have a car only to protect my children from parking hassles,, also wwx must pay for his own parking. so wwx and jc both get given cars for their bdays.

now wwx gets bored easily,, so you could translate him being a cultivation genius to him being really good at driving. im talking that jc is still getting the hang of switching gears and wwx is out there casually drifting around corners. (this does mean he has to get new tyres really frequently but he’s friends with wen ning, whose family runs the mechanics that wwx likes to go to so he just helps around the shop for a bit and gets a discount (yes its the family discount)). anyway wwx really enjoys driving, also! he just rocks up to wen ning’s place one day and is like dude, i wanna pimp my ride, wanna help and wen ning is like heck yeah. so wwx pays for some upgrades with his own money and he spends hours doing some custom work to make it look cool,,

it’s all going well until wwx and jc go to wen chao’s party one night and jc gets absolutely sloshed,,, like completely hammered. wwx had walked in, grabbed a cup of lemonade or something and was gonna hang with his friends but lwj was there for some reason so he spent the entire night talking to him in the back garden. which means that when jc wanted to leave he saw wwx hanging out with lwj and went ew gross and just decided to drive home himself. he crashes and when wwx comes home the next day jc gets super pissed at him bc he was meant to be the designated driver and if he hadnt been screwing around with lwj jc wouldnt have tried to drive home and now his parents will be super pissed and wwx is like woah chill my grandmother is a mechanic and she can fix this up just give me a couple of days. 

so wwx goes to baoshan sanren mechanics (which is just the back entrance to the wen sibling’s mechanics) and spends the next three days getting rid of all of his customisations and mods so his car looks exactly like jc’s. does he cry when he has to spend like five mins spraying the inside of the car with axe body spray to get the jc stench going on? maybe a little. but he does it and returns the car to jc! and jc is like oh wow my car is fixed, your grandma is a miracle worker and wwx is like haha yeah (:

anyway wwx mysteriously and suddenly discovers a passion for public transport,, it’s a good way to stay humble jiang cheng, he says, also i used all my petrol money buying porn from nhs or whatever. anyway wwx is doing the whole pt to school thing but then one afternoon wen chao and wzh find him and idk maybe the party got too rowdy so the cops came and wc got in trouble with his dad? he assumes wwx called the cops on him so he shoves wwx into his car and drives him out to the middle of no where and dumps him in the burial mounds scrap metal recycling place or whatever. 

the train line isn’t running that day and there’s no phone service either so wwx is stuck there overnight. he gets super bored. so what does he do? he finds an abandoned scooter and starts scavenging for parts. he’s not expecting it to actually work but by the time the sun rises he’s found some actually decent parts and he thinks that he could get it working. tbh he kinda forgets to go back home and just walks into town to buy some food and then goes back and continues fiddling with the scooter. he doesnt live there for the three months but the people in yiling just accept that this random teenager has all but moved into their scrap heap and adopt him anyway. so he goes and visits the burial mounds every day after school so none of his friends or family really see him anymore. 

until! one day he rocks up to school on his scooter. scooters,, are kinda like sad pathetic motorcycles,, but wwx mods his scooter with like a powerful engine and new steering and everything so people see it and go oh! a motorcycle! even though it’s not actually (can you do that with a scooter? idk but suspend your disbelief pls). so lwj is like hnnngg wwx in a leather jacket on a motorcycle but also wei ying, stop riding a motorcycle, *enter statistics about motorcycle crashes here* and wwx is like no! you cant take chenqing away from me. and jc is pissed bc they were meant to be brothers and have matching cars and be able to work on them and give them cool paint jobs together! but now wwx has this bike which has been modded to hell and back and refuses to drive his car bc it’s not as cool as his bike. so we get to have the whole ‘everyone thinks wwx is doing something dumb and dangerous’ bc he has a motorcycle and why isnt he just driving his car anymore? but we also get to keep some of the nuance of the demonic cultivation bc yeah it’s more dangerous than driving in a car but wwx doesnt have a car anymore and scooters are a loottt safer than motorcycles (if my two seconds of research is correct).

so! wwx won’t abandon chenqing and he did most of his work using scrap parts so he goes back to the wens and is like wen ning my best bro check her out and he’s like oooooooh and they start modding chenqing together. wen qing doesnt know why wwx is constantly over at their shop all the time but jc keeps arguing with wwx and wwx grows more distant with his family and friends bc he’s making ~bad decisions~ and a motorcycle is a gateway to idk teen delinquent shenanigans like smoking and doing graffiti so he’s kinda ousted from respectable rich people society and wen qing is like i have two (2) brothers now and they’re adorable not that i’ll ever tell them that. and wwx modding chenqing got him a reputation in yiling like everyone saw him walk in one day and then drive out with this sexy sexy bike so people start coming to him for mods and stuff and wwx earns the title yiling patriarch and wen ning, his trusted best friend and helper, gets called the ghost general bc idk he helps a lot but the customers never meet him. so they become some dynamic duo for car and bike mods!

anyway,, yzy delivers him an ultimatum one day: the car or the bike (or more accurately: the family or the bike) but wwx can’t drive the car anymore so he just gets quietly disowned and drops out of school. (we’ll save jzxuan the suffering in this au he can keep his car). he goes to the wens and theyre like hey whats up? wait no you cant live in a scrap heap,, not even if you buy a tent,,, just live with us please. and then wwx gets adopted by the wens and idk i want them to have a happy ending so wwx and wn go off and do some actual mechanic and modding training with some expert (sqdcfgt imagine if it was the real baoshan sanren who just happened to be in the market for some apprentices and saw wwx and wn’s work and was like them and then later realised it was her grandson). so they get their apprenticeship and they disappear off somewhere for a year or two - when wwx had been disowned he’d deleted everyone’s contacts and was like if they text me i’ll add them back but im not gonna have a contact list cemetery. (no one contacts him). 

eventually the 13 years pass and wwx has been helping the wens raise their little nephew a-yuan who is showing a real aptitude for being a mechanic even though he’s just a kid and just generally enjoying the quiet life of being a mechanic while doing fun mods and lil baby projects. then one day lwj’s car breaks down while he’s driving through the area and he calls up the local mechanic and guess who rocks up? it’s wwx. and then we get to have them dance around each other and wwx being like lwj doesnt trust me, he’s just sitting here and watching me work all day ): and lwj is like dont let him go dont let him go dont let him go,, and eventually they get their romance but this is way too long already so im im gonna end this here

i didnt mean to make this an entire au but i adored your idea so much anon so i kinda had to!!

[nico-idc]

This post is basically going to be me writing out a thought I've had recently, which then turned into a vent post. In case you didnt see the tags, I'll be mentioning self harm, covid 19, quarentine, and eating disorders, including my personal experience with all four. This post gets really dark, but gets a bit more optimistic towards the end (theres also a metaphor that compares mental health to a cliff or something like that). This post also goes into detail about what it's like going through this. If this bothers you, feel free to skip this post. If you have the same feelings I describe in this post, please seek help.

Of course, spreading awareness and educating people about things like self harm, and eating disorders is great. But, theres one major problem with spreading awareness about these problems. It shows people that it's a thing. Now, that may seem like a good thing. People should know that it's an issue, something that happens and could happen to someone they care about.

But it's not so great when a depressed 11 year old who has no idea how to cope with his depression comes across people talking about people cutting themselves. Now, all these posts mention that it's not a good thing to do. And that you should seek help if you have the urge to do this. And the 11 year old understands that, so he doesn't even think to try it.

But then, when that boy isnt doing as well as he was when he found those posts, the thought comes up again. He remembers that cutting himself is a thing people do, and they say it relives the emotional pain and the numbness for at least a little bit. So the boy gets up and grabs a pair of scissors, and drags it across his wrist. He does it once or twice more, before he stops. Because only a little but worth hurt, as long as he doesn't take it too far, right?

So now the boy is in a bit of a better place, he wouldnt have picked up those scissors for the first time in this state. But, now that hes done it before, he wants to do it again. He wants that brief escape that the blade of that pair of scissors gives him. So he does it again.

Skip to a few days later when the boy's doing the dishes. Theres a few sharp knives in the mix. The boy wouldn't have had any problem with this normally, hes been washing these knives for a year or two now. But, now that hes felt a blade go across his skin, he wonders what it would be like to use something sharper than a pair of scissors. What would it feel like to use a kitchen knife? So the boy tries to come up with a way to sneak a kitchen knife back to his room. Thankfully, the boy gets too scared to act on his plans, so he just sticks to the scissors.

But the boy began to like feeling the pain of those cuts. So when he would wash dishes, the boy would make sure to fully submerge his wrist in the hot water, which was as hot as the sink could get the water. Just to feel the sting.

Skip to a few months later. The boy gets an old hunting knife that belonged to his grandma. His parents didnt know of the cuts, and the boy was very responsible, so they didnt see a problem giving him a knife, as long as he promised to only use it with adult supervision. The boy agreed, but soon broke his promise.

Remember a few months ago, when the boy wanted to steal a kitchen knife to see watch it would feel like to use a knife instead of a pair of scissors. Well, the boy still had these thoughts. The only difference from a few months ago and now, is that the boy now has easy access to a knife.

So, the boy opens the knife, and puts the blade to his skin, and slices. This is the first time the boy managed to make his wrist bleed. The knife hurts a lot more than the scissors, so the boy does this a few more times, before he stops, and goes to the bathroom to clean off any dried blood. The boy doesn't use the knife often, only when things get really bad. He uses the scissors most often.

A few months later, the boy tells his parents that he thinks he has depression. His parents are supportive, and the boys dad isnt surprised. His parents suggest he starts going to therapy. The boy agrees, knowing that its not healthy to be feeling the way he is, and he wants to feel better.

So the boy goes to therapy, and the first appointment is just his therapist getting to know the boy, and his parents and brother are in the room for this appointment. The therapist asks the boy and his parents questions, and the boy answers honestly. Well, mostly honestly.

When the therapist asks the boy if he has ever harmed himself, the boy says no. The therapist accepts his answer, and moves on. At the end of the appointment, the therapist asks if there anything else the boy or his parents want to add. The boy, knowing that he has to tell his therapist about his cuts, says there is one thing, but he needs his brother to leave the room when he says it.

The boy is protective of his little brother, and doesn't want to be how his little brother finds out about self harm. He doesn't want to be the one who plants the idea in his brothers head that that's a thing. So the boy insists that his brother leaves the room.

Once the boys brother is in the hall, the boy rolls up his sweatshirt sleeve and says "I lied about not harming myself" and showed his mom, dad, and therapist the lines on his wrist. The boys mother is almost crying, and that makes the boy feel like it was a mistake to say anything. But theres no turning back now.

Nothing changes at home. The boys parents didnt take the knife away from him. They never checked on him when he locked himself in his room for hours at a time. The boys dad even gave him a multipurpose tool with two knives in it for Christmas that year.

Luckily, the boy quickly got out of his depression with the therapy and being able to see his friends again. But even now, two years later, when the boy is in a bad place, and looks back at how his parents didnt change anything for him when he was self harming, and he wonders if they really cared that he was dragging scissors across his wrists once a week.

Skip to two years later, and the boy is sitting in health class. The boy had always been insecure about his weight, so when the teacher said that they would be learning about eating disorders, the boy fell into a similar hole to the one he was in 2 years ago.

Now, they boy has heard of anorexia and bulimia before. But now hes learning all about it. Now hes learning how quickly people loose a few pounds, just by skipping a few meals.

Now, the boy sees an option to loose the weight that hes had all is life, that he can't seem to drop. So, the boy begins to wonder if he could get away with just not eating.

Thankfully, the boys mother is up when the boy leaves for school, and always makes sure the boy eats a good breakfast. So hell get at least one meal a day. And his friends arent going to let him skip lunch. So that's 2 meals a day. And then, his mother always makes dinner, and the boy has no choice but to eat it. It would be easier to convince his friends that he didnt need lunch for a month than to get away with skipping dinner.

So the boy couldn't starve himself. So he thought about just throwing up afterwords. But he quickly realised that wouldnt work either. He wouldnt have time in the morning to get ready for school, eat, throw it up, and then hide it from his mom. So he couldn't throw up breakfast. Then at lunch it wouldnt work because his friends would notice if he was always running to the bathroom after lunch. And then at dinner, his mom would hear him.

Once he realised that he couldn't starve himself, and he couldn't throw his food up, he gave up on the idea all together pretty quickly. And he got better. He got out of the dark place he was in and was doing good, if not great, for a few months.

But then Covid 19 hit. The thin ground that the boy had just managed to get himself up on a few months before, started crumbling. Suddenly, his friends weren't there to calm him down when he had a random breakdown. Suddenly, his friends weren't there to stop him from skipping lunch. Suddenly, his mom wasn't making him breakfast anymore. Or dinner really. Suddenly, the boy lost his appetite Suddenly, the boy lost all the things that kept him from getting an eating disorder.

Luckily, the boy had a few ledges that he could grasp onto to keep himself from falling into a deep, dark pit. He and his friends video called a lot. He was able to meet up with his boyfriend a bit. He began listening to MCR, and P!ATD, which gave him songs that he could scream to when he wanted to cry. He started watching more youtube, and he found some youtubers that he really liked, that made him smile and laugh when he felt like crying. He found youtubers that were a part of the LGBT+ community. He found youtubers that had anxiety. He found youtubers that had depression. He found fandoms that accepted anyone and everyone.

Thanks to these ledges, the boy was able to keep himself out of the deep dark pit he had fallen into when he was 11. Thanks to these ledges, the boy valued his own health, and made sure to eat at reasonable times. He made sure to get enough sleep. He made sure that he kept himself from falling into the pit. He tried to keep finding ledges, and he did. He slowly kept finding more. Hes still holding on to these ledges, but it's getting easier. He no longer has to cling to each ledge, he can sit and relax for a minute. He can keep going up. Every now and then a ledge crumbles a bit beneath his feet, but he has more that he can catch himself on.

[youmaycallmebrian]

Hey i understand how weird and intense and out of place this could sound, but i need to say it: I really want to have a big open discussion on religion, more precisely christianism.

Let me explain my context and my background so that it makes sense to you:

I was born and raised in Québec, Canada. Here, the “norm” in terms of religion has always been christian catholicism (historically speaking, it was like the official and most common one). That’s what my ancestors identified as. I know my grandparents were a lot more into religion than me when they were young: catechism was still part of the school curriculum, idk if they went to church every sunday but  i know they went a lot more than i do. My parents still had catechism as part of the school curriculum, but it was less present. They didn’t go to church every sunday. And now, me: Growing up, I was taught very very basic things about christianity. Mostly, it was my grandma who told me stuff here and there about it. I don’t think my parents taught me anything about it except maybe like the story of the birth of jesus. I understood from what she told me that Jesus was good and he loved me and all of us very much and he’s in the sky in heaven watching over us with God. He had a mom called Mary and a dad called Joseph (now I know it’s not really his dad but that’s what I understood back then).  In school, up until I was like 10, we still had what was called “religious teaching” in the curriculum, but it was a very very small part of what we were taught (I barely remember anything from it) and it was really vague. Then, they completely deleted this class and changed it for “Ethics and religious culture” (in the public school curriculum) because of various reasons.

I was baptized but (obviously) i don’t remember it because i wasn’t even a year old. I did my first communion at like 9 years old.  my parents did theirs with the school during their time, it was part of the curriculum. same for their confirmation. i did it bc i saw other people in my class who did it and i didnt want to be left out. my parents agreed but they were confused bc they thought the school was taking care of it but not anymore haha. The confirmation was supposed to be at like 12 years old but i didn’t do it bc i was starting to understand more about what religion meant and what it was and realized i didn’t care and didn’t really identified as a christian.  Later, my cousin wanted me to be the godmother of her son but i needed my confirmation in order to be officially recognized as the godmother during his baptism. So i did it, but only because of that. I was around 18 years old.

The things I had to do for my confirmation made me question my faith a lot. I knew for a fact that I believed in God (like, a superior entity or a superior kinda force responsible for the creation of the world) and i believed in Jesus (i mean theres scientific and historical proof he existed) and from what I understood and knew about him, I thought he sounded like a really neat guy. But I didn’t identify as a christian, really. Religion just wasn’t part of my life, period, so I never really thought about it or about my beliefs. But then, i started to be more and more interested in what the frick was in the bible and what was it that made people so so so so PASSIONATE about it. So i started reading it a bit and i thought it was a cool story lmao but i didn’t get very far, like i read maybe 1/20 of it. What really bugged me about it in the first place is that I knew that the people I hated (homophobes, transphobes, sexists, racists, etc.) were often really religious and often backed up their arguments with “the bible”. So i just assumed that i wouldn’t agree with the bible anyways bc it doesn’t match my beliefs.

I didn’t continue reading the bible (should probably continue, one day... like 5 years later lmao) simply bc i’m a procrastinator and i can’t keep up with my 109357976598 personal projects and ideas. But i watched many videos on youtube about religion, i watched a lot of debates, i listened to people with very different points of views and interpretations of the bible and of christianity in general. And it just confused me even more lmao bc i don’t know what the frick i believe in.

I questioned myself a lot on the validity of the bible. I know that for some of you christians, reading this probably makes you cringe and want to vomit but please understand my background and where i’m coming from.  I was confused bc so many conservative people are like “being gay is a sin, it says it in the bible”, but there are also SO many things that are considered “sin” in the bible that these people are actively doing... So, how do you know what to follow and what to ignore in the bible? How do you know how to interpret the messages? And how do you know if YOU interpret the messages right? Who can dictate us except god itself or jesus himself? I was so confused. It seemed like downright hypocrisy to me. Like... who are we to interpret god’s words? we’re just dumb humans. Maybe we got it all wrong. we’ll never know!!!! that’s scary to me...

Also... from everything i read about Jesus, i knew it was my boi. I loved him. I agreed and felt everything he preached. But then why do those conservatives who have like the opposite values as me love Jesus too? Is there something i’m getting wrong? Is there something that THEY are getting wrong? How is it possible? That means we must be interpreting things differently... so then the question comes again, HOW DO WE KNOW WHO’S GOT THE RIGHT INTERPRETATION AIUDGOIGHEOIRHJEROITHWIEUYG And then i started to dig deeper in my thoughts and to wonder: who REALLY wrote the bible? Men did. They are just writing down “god’s words” but dang, the words are still nonetheless written by men. mere mortals. human beings like you and me. How do we know they wrote down god’s words correctly? How do we know they were not imposters? And then, there’s the translation of the bible. I can’t believe there weren’t any translation mistakes? how do we know they did a good job?

Do you understand my concern? I’m just wondering how can we place our faith into the bible when we know it was written by men.

I know it may seem like a very bold question but please understand that I know next to nothing about christianity and religion, i’m new to all this. I am just trying to understand.

So now I would like to know, what do you guys think about this? Is there one of you who has a similar experience? Any one of you can relate? What’s your opinion? 

P.S. Just to make it clear, I am not here to start a debate or to attack anyone. I am currently pretty neutral in terms of christianity, like I’m just trying to view it from an objective perspective. As I told you, I don’t know enough about it to really take position. I am clueless. So please, do not view my questions and my invitation for discussion as an attack or the start of an argument. I’m just a dumb girl who wants to discuss and open up her mind. Whoever you are, christian or not, even if you’re an atheist, i’m interested in hearing your opinion.

I love you all and i hope i can learn from this. <3

[swellwriting]

There’s a spell for that.

Fandom: Harry Potter

Pairing: Neville Longbottom x Reader

Request : From @theboywhocriedlupin: CONGRATS ON 1500 OMG LOVE YOU!!!! Can you do 7 from the list with my boy Neville??

Prompt: 7. “____ meet Y/n, you have to show her around today.” Neville Longbottom

Warnings: none

A/N: My first time writing for sweet sweet Neville, ALSO I didn't use the prompt  word for word but it’s close enough. Also a lot of wrist touching and hand holding, be warned.

Word Count: 5k

Ilvermorny was similar and simultaneously much different from the school currently in front of you. Not to say Ilvermorny wasn’t beautiful but it was at the top of a mountain, charms hid it from No-Maj’s which made it almost constantly cloudy and gloomy outside. You loved Ilvermorny though, you loved your friends and you had spent years there.

You got to Hogwarts with the assistance of the large groundskeeper who was waiting for you at the train stop when you arrived. He introduced himself as Hagrid and although his size made him appear daunting at first he was actually quite the cheery type, he was nice and you were glad you didnt have someone else waiting for you after the week you've had, cheery was much needed and very welcomed.

When the school came into view you almost gasped at the castle, the weird name it held didn't show in the architecture of the building at all, it wasn’t found in the trees of the large forest, the bright green of the grass or the light reflecting of the dark lake water.

“Okay Y/N, see that hut just down the hill there? Thats me, if ya ever need anything you should find me there.”

“Wait what, that’s it? I don't know where i'm going, how to get to my classes or my room or anything!” You flailed your arms as you spoke, your body filling to the brim with even more stress.

“Well, Mcgonagall gave ya that paper there that explains a bit, I have to go uh, assist Dumbledore with sumthin.”

“But i'm going to get lost.” You complained sounding defeated already and you hadn't even entered the large school.

The first student you had seen on these grounds was walking past you, he appeared as if his head was in the clouds with the far off look on his face, but the furrow in his brows let on that he was deep in thought as he walked away from what looked like a greenhouse.

“Neville!” Hagrid yelled and motioned the boy over, shocking him out of his thoughts as he stopped walking, directing his confused expression towards Hagrid. “Can you give Y/N here a tour of the school for me? Help her find her way an such?” He asked pushing you towards the boy as he started walking away before Neville even agreed, “Thanks.” Hagrid waved now half way down the hill as you both watched him leave, the two of you standing there in silence.

You turned towards him, suddenly feeling like a complete burden to this boy who was just... covered in dirt? His hands were barely visible underneath it, you looked away from his hands and focused  on his face which also had bit of dirt on it, like this Neville boy had dirt for freckles, in fact there wasn't a part of him that was clean of it, he was probably too busy to show you around.

“I'm sorry, you don't have to show me around, I don't want to be a burden or anything i'm sure I can find my way around easily, it’s not like it’s a moving castle or something.”

“No, it’s okay. I'm not the best person to uh, give you a tour,” He awkwardly scratched his chin leaving a print of dirt behind, “But I can try. Oh and the stairs do move so it’s best I do help you find your way, though we might get lost together, I've still never remembered where those stupid stairs change to, Hermione has them memorized, actually I think most students do.” His words trailed off from his nervous rambling and he looked down at his hands and frowned.

“You’ve got a bit of dirt.” You said looking at his hands as well now.

“I was just in the greenhouse, I forgot to wash off my hands again.” He admitted and moved his hands to wipe them on the sides of his pants but you stopped him grabbing his less dirty wrists. “Wait, don't just wipe the dirt on your pants.” He gave you a confused look, ”but my pants and all of me actually are already covered in dirt. Oh you probably want someone a bit cleaner to show you around, you don't want the first person you’re seen with to be covered in dirt.”

You chuckled a bit at his statement. “I really don't mind the dirt, but there's a spell for that!” You smiled and took out your wand quietly murmuring a spell removing every last spec of dirt from him in seconds.

“Wow, you have to teach me that one.” He sounded so excited as he looked down at his shoes which appeared almost brand new.

“Well what will you teach me in return?”

“I’m not the best teacher really.”

“What were you doing in the greenhouse that you managed to get covered in dirt from head to toe?” You teasingly asked and he smiled thinking about his plants and the hours he had spent caring for them.

“The plants, I mean Herbology. It’s my best subject.” He said proudly, you had never heard someone sound so proud talking about herbology. “Wonderful, I love that class but i'm rubbish at it, always mess it up, never fails.”

“That's perfect! Well not for you, I just mean I can help you with that.” He said smiling as he tucked his clean hands into his pockets after motioning for you to follow him as he walked towards the large castle.

The tall ceilings and lively paintings really made this place one in its own. You could easily say you'd never seen any place like it.

“Have you eaten yet?” Neville asked directing your attention away from some friendly paintings who waved as you walked past.

“They didn't have any food on the train, since it doesn't ever run at this time of year so i’m starving.”

“Well it’s not quite dinner time yet but i'm sure we can manage to get something from the house elves.” He smiled as he walked over to the small kitchen doors, sized for house elves rightfully.

“Hey Hannah!” Neville called to a girl walking past wearing a bright Yellow scarf, unlike the red striped tie Neville had.

“Hey Neville, hello... I actually don't know who you are.” Her bright smile turned to a perplexed frown.

“Oh this is uh.” Neville panicked for a moment not remembering what Hagrid had said your name was.

“I'm Y/N and you?” “I'm Hannah.” She said smiling brightly again, “You must be new?”

“Yeah Neville is just showing me around, I know it’s kinda late for new students.” You shrugged your shoulders awkwardly unsure of what to do or why you were even talking to this girl, maybe she was just Neville’s friend, or maybe his girlfriend.

“Nice to meet you, Neville what did you call me over for?”

“Well, it seems stupid but I feel like you have a better chance of getting us some food from the house elves.”

“And why’s that?” She raised a brow playfully at him crossing her arms.

“Well you know, I mean everyone knows Hufflepuffs are the house elves favorites, you guys are closest to the kitchens we all know you guys sneak snacks all the time.”

“What a stereotype, why don't you be a brave Gryffindor and ask for some yourself.” She teased as she made her way to get you guys some food and in minutes returned with plate fulls.

“Here, and only because us Hufflepuffs are also the sweetest and nicest house.” She exaggerated and waved to you as she walked away.

You followed Neville into a large room that appeared to have no ceiling, or at least it was enchanted so the sky was visible, you followed him to a table decorated with a long red table cloth matching the tie that hung loosely around his neck, partially tucked into his sweater.

“I'm guessing this is the Gryffindor table?” You asked between mouthfuls.

“Yeah, Gryffindor is the house i'm in. What about you?”

“I'm not sure actually, back at Ilvermorny I was in Thunderbird but it doesn't exactly match any houses here so i'm not sure what one to pick.” ”You get to pick?”

“Yeah, I didn't want to go through the whole sorting process or make a big deal out of being new. I’d rather have the least amount of attention on me as possible.”

“Then you got lucky to get me as a tour guide, i'm good at blending in.”

“Blending in or just hiding in the greenhouse?” You asked him playfully and he erupted into laughter.

“Your already onto me, and it’s true I may spend an unusual amount of time there.”

“That’s not unusual though, I wish I was that passionate about something.” You took a deep breath and started moving your fork around your plate. It was silent for a minute, like Neville could sense you didn't know what to say next, he didn't want to poke but he also wasn’t sure what to say next to keep the conversation going. “So tell me about you, why are you here?”

“Why am I here? I’m in this room because you brought me here.” You smiled still looking down at your plate.

“Okay so you’re funny, tell me more.”

“Well, I live my with my aunt, she decided we were moving to England so she switched me from Ilvermorny to Hogwarts but she waited too long and the process took a while so I missed the first month of school.”

“You live with your aunt?”

“Yeah, my parents are dead. I'm not too sad about it I never really knew them much.”

“I get exactly how you feel! I live with my grandma.” Neville was sort of excited to have something in common with you, even if it was a bit morbid. “My parents aren't exactly dead though, it’s complicated.”

“I understand.” You half smiled and squeezed his arm reassuringly.

“So what house do you think you’re going to pick?” Neville asked changing the subject to a less sorrow one.

“I'm not sure yet, I'm leaning towards Gryffindor for, well you reasons, but you will have to convince me a bit more.”

“Gryffindor is the best house so that won’t be hard.” Neville said excitedly as he got up and bumped into someone behind him.

“Gryffindor is hardly the best house, have you gone mad as your parents Longbottom?” You saw a blonde haired boy and a few others standing behind Neville wearing bright green ties pressed neatly into their bright white collared shirts.

Neville stayed silent and bowed his head so you decided to humour the rude group of students to direct the attention off of him.

“Well what would you suggest the best house is then?”

The boy grimaced at you as he sneered, “Slytherin of course what kind of question is that, you must be hanging out with Neville for a reason, you are both idiots.”

“How was I supposed to know? I don't even know what the fourth house is yet, unless you guys have more than four or only three?” You directed your question at Neville and he shook his head to say no not really wanting to talk and have Draco make him look like even more of a fool in front of you.

“You don't know the houses names, Are you stupid?” A girl with short black hair asked in a mocking tone.

“Not stupid, just new. I've only been here for about 25 minutes to be exact.”

Their judgmental faces softened, their looks of hatred shifted to them looking at you as if you were their prey, and you had zero defenses. Maybe in their minds you could be recruited, made into one of them or maybe they simply didn't like Neville and just wanted to steal you away from him and far away from the trio they loathed.

“New you say? I’m Draco Malfoy.” He spoke as if his name held importance, and it probably did but you barely even knew the name of the street your new house was on there was no way you knew anything about the people here.

He sat down and so did the rest of his friends, Neville was still standing with his head hung low trying to remove himself from the situation that wasn't going away.

“I'm Y/N Y/L/N.” You said politely as you looked up at Neville about to ask him if he wanted to leave but you were interrupted.

“Don't worry about Longbottom, terrible you got stuck with him on your first day, if you’d like we can take you from him? Have you been put in a house yet?”

“Oh no, it’s okay really I enjoy Nevilles company, he seem sweet where as you lot seem quite vile actually. And no I haven’t been put in a house yet but thank you for making it clear of some of the types of students that are in Slytherin, it makes the choice for me much easier really.”

“Your ruining your reputation already, choosing him as your first friend and then choosing to not be in Slytherin? If you want to make all the wrong choices go ahead, we tried to help you Y/L/N it’s not our fault you’re too stupid to see that.” Draco said in a huff and quickly left before you could even reply to his rude words.

You stood up flattening your skirt and looked at Neville giving him a reassuring smile. “So not Slytherin then. What else is there.”

“Just Gryffindor.” He said with a smile as the two of you walked out and down a hallway.

“Oh I'm so sure that's my only option. The Hufflepuff girl was nice, what's the other house”

“Ravenclaw. But you don't need to know anything about those houses because i'm going to convince you to pick Gryffindor, come here.” He grabbed your hand and pulled you behind a painting that another student had just opened and into a room decorated in the same red and gold on Nevilles tie, his tie that wasn't neatly pressed over a crisp white shirt, and you liked it that way.

“What’s this room?” You asked looking around and realizing he was still holding your wrist but not acknowledging it.

“This is the Gryffindor common room, and it could be your common room too of you choose it.”

“Well, I have proof that you are a nice Gryffindor but how do I know everyone else is just as nice as you?”

“I guess I will have to introduce you.” He said blushing at both the compliment and at the realization he was still holding your wrist, he let go of it and you tried not to smile at his befuddled expression, like a lost puppy in his own common room not sure who to introduce you to first.

“Who do you want to meet? Well I guess it’s always exciting to meet Harry.”

“Harry?” You asked unsure of who he meant.

“Yeah, like Harry Potter, he is in Gryffindor, he’s like famous and stuff.”

“I've never heard of him, he’s not as famous at Ilvermorny I guess.” You shrugged not caring much about some kid who was probably just a Quidditch player or something.

Neville looked shocked as he turned to see where Harry was and called him over, “Harry! Come here!” He waved enthusiastically and you sort of froze in place not prepared to meet some celebrity and be a complete fool not knowing who he was.

“Harry this is Y/N she’s new, i'm showing her around.”

“And trying to persuade me that I should choose Gryffindor.” You added and Neville smiled sheepishly, feeling half guilty that he only wanted you in Gryffindor so he could spend more time with you and would have a higher chance of seeing you more, even though you had already agreed to study Herbology together.

“Hi, I’m Harry, this is Ron and Hermione.” He said pointing to his two friends who had walked up behind him, clearly intrigued by someone new.

“Yeah, this is Harry. She has no idea who you are Harry, no clue at all isn’t that new?”

Harry smiled widely and Hermione rolled her eyes from behind him. “That's refreshing for once, having a sort of clean slate with someone.”

“Yeah so when she ultimately chooses to be in Gryffindor it won't be because it’s  the House harry potter is in.” Neville joked and only Ron laughed in response.

“You get to pick what house you’re in!” A girl who looked a bit younger with long red hair asked as she walked up, almost like she had been listening the whole time.

“Yeah.” You smiled feeling awkward that so many people's attention was on you, even if it was much better attention than you received from the Slytherins earlier.

“Our room has an empty bed, so if you choose Gryffindor you could room with us.” Hermione said as she smiled at you, an endearing smile with wide eyes only filtered by a look of annoyance ot the two boys beside her, “ I could help you catch up on the missed work to.”

She seemed nice and that was an offer you couldn't turn down but before you could agree Neville leaned towards you and spoke. “I’d take that offer if I were you, Hermione's really smart and nice and stuff.” You smiled and looked up at him, you were completely ready to agree to be in Gryffindor but again before you could agree someone else spoke up. “Our Quidditch team is the best too! Do you play Quidditch?” A boy shouted and you quickly answered. “No.” before you were bombarded with a couple more questions all at once from varying new students surrounding you. “Where did you come from.” “Why are you a month late?” “What's your name?” “Gryffindor’s are the bravest are you brave?” And before you could answer them Neville spoke up loudly over everyone. “Okay, guys not all at once.” Which made everyone look a bit startled, which was weird, he hasn't said anything rude or mean but maybe he wasn't one to be loud often, he seemed quiet from what you had seen of him today.

“I guess I’ll be in Gryffindor.” You smiled a blush rising to your cheeks as the students around you cheered, congratulated you and started all talking at once again before you grabbed Neville’s hand and whispered to him to take you out of there, he grabbed your hand back, his palms clammy from the nerves of it all and brought you into the hallway where it was quiet.

“You don't have to choose Gryffindor, are you sure?”

“I was going to choose it anyways just because of you, but now i'm extra convinced.” You smiled and swore both your cheeks adorned matching bright red blushes as you awkwardly stood there just staring at each other, his thumb pressing into the side of your hand subconsciously not wanting to let go until a professor coughed from the other side of the hallway.

“Mr. Longbottom,” he quickly let go of your hand and spun around.

“Hi Professor Mcgonagall.” He spoke as if he was in trouble but the slight smile on her face said otherwise.

“And you must be Miss. Y/L/N? Hagrid told me he handed the duty of showing you around to Mr. Longbottom here, I see it’s going well.”

“Yes, it’s going great. I got the letter you wrote me, It’s nice to meet you.”

“You as well, I'm sure you will fit in quite well at Hogwarts, it shouldn't be too hard to adjust from Ilvermorny i'm sure. Have you decided on a house yet?”

“Actually I just did yes, I decided I want to be put in Gryffindor if that's alright.”

“Easily, done. I will be your head of house, if you require anything else you can come to my office or i'm sure Mr. Longbottom here is also willing to help, I feel he may have persuaded your choice a bit.”

“Maybe a bit of Neville persuading me towards gryffindor and a bit of that Malfoy boy persuading me away from Slytherin.” You said it jokingly and she tried not to chuckle at your statement.

“All houses have their qualities.” She smiled and walked away.

You both stood there for a moment watching her walk away leaving you in an empty hallway unsure of what to say next, “She’s nice.”

“Yeah don't cross her though she just as tough too. I think she’s just glad it’s me showing you around and not Harry, she’s at wits end with him right now, well I think she always is.”

“I'm glad to.” You admitted and Neville felt his heart pounding against his ribcage with every flutter of your eyelashes you looked at him like he was the most amazing person you’d ever met. You didn’t know about his parents, you didn’t know of his reputation or social class in the school. You only knew what he told you as of now, you knew about his love for Herbology, his house pride and how he was nice enough to show you around the school when he didn’t really have to. You felt yourself wanting this tour not to end and Neville found himself not wanting it to end either. By the time you had walked the entirety of the castle, even showing you places just to say not to go there. By the time you ended up back outside the common room, which was now both of your common rooms since you agreed to be in Gryffindor, it was already getting dark outside.

“It’s getting late.” He said, like he didn’t want to believe his own statement.

“Yeah.”

“You should go to bed, and get your stuff all unpacked.”

“Maybe I don't want to.” You shrugged, a devilish smile on your face.

Neville then repeated something he had heard you say a few times that day, “There’s a spell for that.” and smiled but looked down trying to hide it from you.

“So why don't we do something else?” You asked fiddling with your fingers nervously.

“But i've shown you everything there is to see.”

“You didn’t show me that greenhouse you walked out of when I first saw you earlier.”

“Oh yeah, that was today. I can show you that if you care.”

“I care.” He smiled again and started walking swiftly down the hallway only to spin back around just as swiftly and say, “It’s night now, it’s October it’s gonna be a bit cold and you’re not wearing a sweater.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“No, go get your house sweater and scarf or something, you don't want to get sick.” You didn’t need a sweater as your heart was already melting for how sickly sweet the boy in front of you was being, caring so much about your well being even though you had only known each other for that day.

“But I don't get them until the morning.”

“You can borrow one of mine?” He asked quietly as if you would say no to the idea of wearing his sweater.

“If that’s okay with you, I would like that.” Before you knew it he had run up to his room and back down with a sweater and a scarf in hand, a sweater similar but a bit different to the one he was wearing, both covered in red and gold, he was visibly out of breath from hurrying to get them so fast.

“Here,” He said quietly again, as if he was going to scare you away by speaking too loud, like you coming into his life so abruptly was such a fragile thing and you could leave at any moment, which you could really, but you wouldn't.

You tilted your head forward and he slid the collar over your head, you pulled your arms through and giggled at how long the sleeves were so he gently grabbed your wrist pulling it close to him as he delicately rolled the sleeves up a few times. He smiled timidly at you and wrapped the scarf loosely over your shoulders as it wasn’t too cold to need to cover your face with it, not that he would want it covered anyways.

“Thank you.” You smiled and stuck out your hand towards him which he gladly intertwined with his, not meeting your eyes. “Now take me to see your plants.”

The walk to the greenhouse was quiet compared to your journey around the castle and school grounds earlier today, earlier you couldn’t stop talking but now there was a comfortable silence that surrounded the two of you as you kept your hands innocently intertwined only letting go once he opened the greenhouse door letting you in.

He cast lumos with his wand not wanting to disrupt the plants who relied on it being dark this time of day. “Wouldn't want to wake them up.” You joked and he smiled pulling you close again, maybe using lumos was also a good excuse to keep you close as he showed the different plants and things to you.

He talked about his plants, the most he had talked all day about anything, you just nodded and smiled trying to take in all the information he was saying, half because these things would definitely help you in class and half because Neville spoke like he cared so deeply for each plant and you couldn’t look away as his chapped lips spoke so passionately.

“I should be taking notes.” You interrupted after a while and he stopped talking, a bit out of breath.

“Don't worry we can actually study another time, i'm just rambling right now.”

“It’s not a bad thing, maybe I meant notes about you, I'm doing study on Neville,”

“A study on me?”

“Yeah i’ll start with writing down all your favourite things so far I have the last eight plants you talked about and I’ll include me on that list of course.” You said it jokingly but Neville averted your eyes as he started fiddling with the plant in front of you, pretending to examine the leaves.

“Sounds stupid maybe, but you probably could, I haven’t got along with someone so well in so long, I love my friends here of course but you just seem different, I know i've only known you a day but it feels like it’s been forever.”

“No Neville I feel the same way, it’s weird I usually take so long to connect with people and like open up. I'm really glad you happened to be walking out of here at that time. I can’t imagine it being anyone else.” You spoke sincerely, truly happy in this moment. Out after curfew on your first day in a dark greenhouse surrounded by plants and spiders no doubt, but Neville was there and he made it all so worth it. You’d stay out all night if he asked you but you assumed he wasn’t one to usually stay out after curfew, you actually weren’t sure if he knew it was past curfew, so caught up in the moment.

“Do you usually break school rules and stay out here after curfew for your plants?”

“After curfew?” He looked up realizing just how dark it was outside.”

“It’s okay, we should head back though.” You rubbed your thumb over his hand to calm him down as you slightly pulled him towards the door, he followed easily but with a slight frown on his face.

“Why so sad?” You poked his side as you quietly walked back to the common room.

“I just don't want to get you in trouble on the first day.”

“It would be worth it.”

You entered the common room without getting caught and stood at the bottom of your stairs, the common room empty aside from the two of you and the charmed fire that was slowly dwindling out.

“So do you want to study again tomorrow. In the greenhouse, with me?” He asked awkwardly as if you hadn't just willingly spent an entire day together.

“Of course yeah.” You smiled so wide your cheeks almost hurt as you looked up at the boy in front of you with messy hair and a bit of a crooked smile but just as wide as yours.

“Y/N! Are you coming to bed it’s past curfew!” Hermione whisper shouted from the top of the stairs completely oblivious to the moment she had walked in on.

She startled you, jumping slightly as you turned to face her, walking up a few stairs quickly. “Yeah i'm coming sorry, we got lost.” You lied.

You turned back to Nevile and waved, “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” he repeated back not wanting to say more since Hermione was still waiting for you.

You reached the top of the stairs when you realized you were still wearing one of his sweaters and his scarf, “Wait Neville, your stuff.”

“You can give it back in the morning.” He said now aware that Hermione knew you were wearing his clothes, which was unusual so he rushed back to his own room not wanting to be questioned by Hermione about it. There was no escape as Ron and Harry were quick to question him on why he was out so late and seemed so giddy for some reason when he got to his room.

Tags: @sjriusblck @theboywhocriedlupin @diggorysghost @wanna-see-my-lease @fortisfiliae @moonynprongs @bluemadcnna @dracolanterns  @dyngflwrs @jamcspotters @siriuslyimmoony @lonelyhufflepufff @babyplutoszx2

[tumblunni]

What do you guys think about the names Dustin and Darcy for my protagonists in Let's Go?

Cos i really wanted to play the co op mode thing by myself, just so i can pretend this role in the plot is filled by two siblings and have a bit of fun roleplaying that. But i dunno yet how the co-op works and whether you'd be able to customize the avatar of the second player or if its just the default trainer? Or can you only play co-op if you have two separate games? Im planning to buy the other version anyway once i get more money, so it could be fun to play my first version with sibling one and then the second playthru is sibling two's turn to shine!

Oh and the whole reason i wanted to do this is cos i wanna try out the customization features to make some ocs now that there's no competitive online stuff unless you pay a subscription fee (LOL NO THANKS). Like..i always felt like i HAD to make my character me in xy/sumo/usum, otherwise its like lying online? But of course i cant actually make me because theres no nonbinary option or even remotely ambiguous outfits for either gender. And you cant have wild hair colours while i dye my hair 24/7 irl lol. Its silly cos like 95% of the gym leaders and other characters ingame have anime hair colours yet the player has to be normal? So yeah i cpuldnt really enjoy making this innacurate defanged version of myself yet i didnt feel like i was allowed to just make up a new character either. Closest i could do was give myself white hair like my old trainersona when i was 12, lol. I mean i guess thats my 'real hair colour' underneath the dye right now, if you think about it that way?

OH GOD PIKACHU CAN HAVE A LITTLE TUXEDO AND BOWLER HAT HOLY FUCK IM SORRY TO INTERRUPT THIS BUT I WAS WATCHING THE IGN REVIEW AND THEY SHOWED PIKA BOWLER HAT PLEASE GO GOOGLE THAT VIDEO JUST FOR THAT 1 SECOND OF NEW FOOTAGE OF MY BEAUTIFUL CLASSY BOYE

okay where was i

Yeah! I think sibling trainers could be a good and unique way to handle a rival! Like having them be your sibling already establishes that rivalry. But it can be a soft and nice rivalry! I wanna go with that fun version rather than the full on angry exaggerated sibling rivalries you often see in kids media. Like i know that some people legit dont get on with their siblings and some people can even have a very gary esque full on rivalry thats sorta 'love to hate' or like..tsundere pretending you hate them. But personally i never had experience with that, i can never relate to those 'tfw u hate ur sibling and theyre always an asshole but lolll u love them anyway' posts. I only got to live with my little sister for a little while due to the catastrophe of abusive parenthood that was my childhood, and i lost contact with her forever when she was very young so i doubt she'd even remember me. *sigh* But like i don't think i only love her so much because i miss her! People say newborns and toddlers are the most bratty so like you'd think if i was gonna ever find her 'annoying' i would have done it back then. I was always just mega proud of her and whenever she'd be 'bratty' i'd be cheering her on and trying to protect her from mom. And when she'd try and pull pranks on me or practise play-fighting or whatever i was just like 'lol thats legit funny' and taking play-falls so she felt better about herself. Like we didnt have much power in that household so i felt like encouraging her pretending to be a wrestler would help her feel like she had some sort of control in some part of her life i guess? And just i wished i was allowed to roughhouse and run around and be all 'unladylike' and just enjoy BEING A KID when i was a kid, yknow? I always had legit fun being with her and legit enjoyed it and was legit proud and legit never annoyed. I just dont understand 'yeah she's annoying but i love her anyway'. I was only ever her rival as a play-rival to help encourage her to like.. Enjoy the things she enjoyed. Feel like someone else cared. I only ever acted like 'ha ha baby stuff yeah sure i hate hanging out with my sister" cos i thought i was SUPPOSED TO. I always felt so guilty doing it and so dissappointed cos id rather hang out with her than be a boring stereotypical teen tbh. I dunno, maybe this isnt typical for siblings and its just a sign of how badly we were raised? I was just real fuckin lonely and absolutely loved having a family member who loved me for the first time since my grandma died. Same reason i always used to act all 'i am too cool i totally am not soft for my lil sister' around my lil sister's dad. I really wanted him to love me too! I used to say swear words at him cos i thougjt he would thibk i was Cool And Adult?? I have soooo many cringe moments from that phase of my childhood. Man it hurts to think that i never actually did get to become that positive influence that protected my sister from my mum and let her know she was loved. Cos i was sent to live with my dad when she was like 5ish? And never saw her again and now im too scared to try and reach out to her again because 1: she probably doesnt even remember me, 2: theres a chance she believes my mum saying i was some horrible asshole who abandoned the family, 3: even bigger chance that contacting her could mean my mum finding me again and big fuckin risk of further abuse. Plus the awkwardness of introducing my trans self when she'd remember me as her sister and all. Sigh! All i can do is hope that her cool dad eventually got custody of her, and that he didnt turn out to be a secret bastard like when i met my own dad. He seemed good, but then again i was just a lil kid and my dad seemed good at first. Sighhhhhh...

SO UMM YEAH WOW I MADE MYSELF SAD

Anyway the point is that whenever i write siblings i'd rather write 100% unapologetic super loving love cos its wish fullfillment for me. This is also why in/cest shipping is a massive beserk button for me, good wholesome family relationships are REAL FUCKIN IMPORTANT and how DARE you corrupt that shit! Some people would fuckin KILL to have that wholesome family!!

Anyway lol thats why i'd like a Wholesome Rivalry for these sibling ocs! Like they challenge each other to contests along the way just for fun, and they react all 'wow my sis is the BEST' when you beat them, so hard feelings at all. And you dont JUST do rival stuff but also sometimes just hang out and have fun cos you missed each other. And if anyone threatens your sibling then THAT is the only time you see the Serious Sibling Power! Rival moments: ha ha lol bet ya cant beat me ooo im a scary villain LOL I CANT KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE HAHA! Giovanni punches your brother: *stony cold death glare from hell as tricksy prank sis turns into an unstoppable vengeance engine* Oh, but also the only other time they'd be serious is in their final battle together! Like most of the 'rivalry' is just competing to make the adventure fun and to help each other get stronger. But if sis/bro ever actually legit said they really want to fight to find out who's the best, and its like..important to help their self confidence, then i think bro/sis would respect that and go all out. Taking a fall and letting them win would be the most disrespectful thing of all! Oh, but i do think there would be one kind of battle like that during the story? Like in one of the more low stakes faux-rival fights the sibling actually does try and let you win, and the challenge is to try and lose against all odds. High stakes super failure battle!!! Imagine the evil team in the background like 'wtf' as these two run the most aggressively slow race of all time! XD

Oh and i kinda thought about different personalities for the two of them based on who you pick? Like i did like that aspect about brendan/may in RSE compared to other 'unpicked option becomes rival' characters in later games that didnt even have one personality let alone two. It just sucks that the personalities they decided to give them were 'female rival is super self concious and thinks youre better than her because youre a boy' and 'male rival is super ego and thinks he's better than you because he's a boy'. Boooo!

So instead of that the personalities i was thinking for these two would be less sexist lol. Male sibling Dustin is basically Wally so far? I need to develop him a bit more to make him a bit distinct, i mean its not like every single shy dude is identical. I'm thinking maybe mix him with all the wasted potential in Brendan? Like in the game they slightly hint at him having the ONE non stereotypical trait of liking cute teddy bears, and that made me think about how much better his whole plot would have been if it actually criticized his sexism and said that he only behaves that way cos he's overcompensating for being bullied for being 'feminine', yknow? And then in the manga they actually DO write him as super feminine, and even as a contest star who loves fashion and dressing up his pokemon! But then GAHHH they present it as some sort of fuckin 'character flaw', like he's shown to be selfish and superficial because of it. And the backstory is that him and the female protagonist used to be 'normal' until a traumatic event. Brendan was a Natural Fighting Prodigy until he saved his female friend from a wild pokemon and was so traumatized that he never wanted to fight again, while she wanted to learn to fight so she'd never need to be protected again. But this is not only presented as Wrong Ways To Be Gender but also like.. Fighting their natural instinct which still comes through?? Like male protag hasnt fought in YEARS yet whenever he's forced to fight he's just magically better at it than female protag who's been practising all these years to become his equal. Ha ha silly girl you can never achieve that! All you get is this patronizing 'well if you just tryyyyy girly things im sure you'll like it' plot and then you get rescued by him in the end because OF COURSE you do. Sigh! I cant believe they made me hate that pairing even more than the games did! So yeah i dont really wanna write Dustin as a jerkass who's secretly got synpathetic motives of internalized homophobia/sexism, cos i feel thats a plot very specific to my perceptuons of Brendan and id basically just have to make Dustin a clone of him and he wouldnt be able to shine on his own merits. Instead i'm just thinking of writing him as a 100% sensitive soul, and he still faces predjudice for not being that bigoted idea of an 'ideal man' but really the fact he doesnt bow down to their demands proves that he's the bravest person here.

And then I'm thinking maybe the female sibling Darcy is the older one and is a bit "gary ish"? Like eitjer way you still have a friendly and loving siblingness, but she's a bit more of a sass who is tsundere about admitting she loves her bro. But i dont think she's the cold or grumpy sort of tsundere, more like a trickstery tomboy? Bombastic loki jock sis! She can only be a bit abrasive with her bro cos she wants to teach him to be tough even when she's not there to protect him. But sometimes she can mess it up and make him feel like he has to change his personality in order to be tough, rather than letting him know she supports him in being "unmasculine" and just wants to help him find the confidence to stand up to people who bully him for it. Like she feels like she is 'weaker' than him in the sense that she worries too much about what people will think if she expresses her real emotions, yknow? Like theyre both suffering from toxic masculinity! He's suffering from the standard form where men who are too 'soft' are beaten down into that mould. Ans she's suffering from the problem where 'masculine' girls feel like they have to be '100% masculine' in order to be allowed to be themselves at all. Like back when i was a kid and before i came out as trans i always used to try and pretend to like sports ans like..cliche macho shit where you Cant Admit You Care About Your Friends and also i wasnt allowed to like ANY feminine things at all. I had to either follow the stereotype of femininity entirely or follow the opposite stereotype, i wasnt allowed to just reject stereotypes and like what i actually like. So yeah me realizing i wasnt really a girl has led to me embracing more 'girly' things than back when i thought i was one! So i think Darcy would have a similar arc but like..the cis equivelant? Just finds people who arent such judgmental pricks and stops having to conform to either of those stereotypes in order to keep fake friends who dont really give a shit about her. She can have a plot about both forced feminine and masculine stereotypes being equally limiting, rather than that shitty 'being masculine is a prison uwu every woman will be happier embracing her love of makeup' shit. That dominant narrative just made me feel like i was somehow wrong about myself whenever i didnt like 100% Of Sports All The Time, i must be somehow girly if i liked even ONE girly thing yet i needed hundreds of proofs if i wanted to be masculine. And like i wasnt just allowed to be neither! I wasnt allowed to like parts of both! I wasnt allowed to BE GODDAMN TRANS!!! So yeah i dunno if i'd go whole hog and make this character a trans man or a nonbinary person tho? I think she's just actually a cis girl who happens to be sporty and brash and likes a lot of 'masculine' fashion and hobbies. And she's just been made to feel self concious about it, as if she cant possibly REALLY be that unless she likes Every Single Boy Thing and wins at Every Single Challenge. Does anyone else remember that shit too? The girls have to win Every sports game against the boys in order to be 'one of the boys' but if you lose even one of them it somehow proves that you're inferior. Even though the boys lost 50 billion games to you and that doesnt prove theyre inferior! Like man she has sooooo many 'gary rivals' in her school life, thats why she loves going on this adventure with a kind brother rival who actually respects her! So her resolution would just be her staying the same but being more confident about it and saying fuk u to those fake friends. Same as her brother's plot, just they both face different specifics to the way this sexism affects them, yknow?

Oh but yeah when i did finally learn about LGBT stuff and realize i was trans it was Big Amazing cos even in the rare stories about Its Okay To Be Yourself it still left me feeling weirdly empty when the girl decides that yes she does wanna be a girl in the end. So i get that these plots might come off as queerbaiting if i write them badly? I need to make sure to make it clear that these characters 100% want to be seen as this gender and its just other people being fuckfaces and trying to define what their gender has to mean. I think maybe i'll try and mitigate this potential misunderstanding by adding different sorts of lgbt content. And, well, also cos i just want lgbt content in all of my stories because i am lgbt, of course! I'm 100% sure that Darcy is gay, and i think also maybe possibly Dustin is trans? Like, his plot is about being mocked for being a 'feminine' boy, but its also even more personal for him because he's a trans boy and he feels like he needs to change his personality in order to pass/he isnt really real because his personality doesnt fit the stereotypical image of a man. Like if you'd looked at the two of them back when they were identical twins, you probably would have expected Darcy to end up being trans if you were the sort of person who believes those basic ass stereotypes about 'boys who play with barbies and girls who play with trucks'. Or i mean maybe its the other way around and Darcy is a trans girl who still has a 'masculine' personality according to stereotypes? Or even both of them are trans and both face being told that they arent real because they dont fit the perfect stereotype of a trans person according to cis perceptions? Or maybe i'm overcomplicating things with all of this and it'd just muddy the message i guess. I might just keep it to them both being cis but also both of them like girls. And i can always apply my trans and other LGBT headcanons to other characters along their adventure.

Anyway LOL im rambling too much!

[smnthchrstn]

February 13, 2019

Two years. Someone’s life can change so drastically in two years. I’m sorry if this is a little all over the place, but I’m a little all over the place. When I was ten I had my first crush on a girl, when I was seventeen I realized I wanted to spend the rest of my life with a girl, and at twenty decided to come out. If you know me personally then you’ve heard this story about nine-hundred and ninety-nine times and you’re about to hear it for your one-thousandth.

The decision to come out never came easily, but I’m certain that it saved my life. Let me take you back to that wonderful time period - most people were arguing over why Hillary’s emails couldn’t be forgiven or why Trump had to be “the lesser of two evils”. I watched them calculate votes and watched how each state went in agony. Most of my friends couldn’t keep it together and I tried to be the voice of encouragement for everyone. I sat on my bed that night and cried for hours. I cried for all minorities that would be undoubtedly affected by the win. I had another reason for the way I thought that night. I messaged one of my friends and in a roundabout way expressed to her that I saw no point anymore and that I wanted to kill myself. More than Trump’s win caused that.

I found out a great deal about myself and a great deal about my loved ones during that election. I learned as a closeted gay person that my family didn’t only disapprove of the LGBT community, they were straight-forward about their ignorance and hatred. I couldn’t go to a holiday without hearing the word “fag” thrown around. I heard my own grandma urge my mom to vote for Trump so “they” could try to reverse the legalization of same-sex marriage. My aunt referred to it as “fag marriage” and called a lesbian wedding a “dyke wedding”. My cousins - ten and eleven at the time would make constant jokes, my whole family did. I remember a particular time though when my cousin showed my mom the “I side with” site; a quiz you could take to see the political candidate you match up with based on your personal stance on certain issues. I looked over her shoulder as she hit “no” that same-sex marriage shouldn’t be legal and that they shouldn’t have the right to marry. I asked why she did that and got lectured in the car about how it wasn’t what God wanted and that even if other people participate in that “lifestyle” that we don’t have to hate, but don’t have to agree either. I got upset and asked her what she’d do if she woke up and felt nothing for men; what happened to people who pray and pray and nothing changes? She didn’t have an answer, but it still broke me. During the 2016 election, I branded myself as the world’s most outspoken LGBT ally. I was hiding and on November 9th, 2016 I woke up knowing that I couldn’t keep going unless I let it out.

I’d had a few close encounters. On a day in early 2016 when my mom jokingly asked “please tell me you aren’t asexual don’t do that to yourself you’re so young” and “dear God, don’t be gay”. I thought she knew that I identified as asexual, but she didn’t take me seriously. It happened again the next time I tried to come out as asexual. She told me not to decide that and asked me if I liked girls. I lied. It almost happened again the night after my friend talked me down from the suicidal thoughts I’d been dealing with. I couldn’t do it. I went home and constructed an articulate letter. It was eight pages long typed and built a good visual of how I’d figured it all out. The letter had tons of “proof”, explained how I still believe in God and finished with begging my mom to still love me. I read it to my best friend over the phone, that’s how I came out as gay to my best friend. From the start she’d offered to be there when I came out to my mom. I never would’ve had the guts to do it without her. I spent the next several weeks making three hour-long videos; one to describe how I felt about liking girls, one to describe how I felt about asexuality and another on the dynamic of the feelings I had when I was seventeen. I called it my “proof” because I didn’t think my mom would believe me, and she didn’t at first. During the time I prepped my coming out, I struggled with very constant and severe anxiety. I couldn’t eat, struggled to sleep and couldn’t focus on anything other than the task at hand and the possible repercussions I’d face for telling the truth.

The day had arrived and without my friend, I think I would’ve had a nervous breakdown. The only way I can describe it is by admitting that I had to disassociate myself to get it all out. In the end, it went okay. My mom didn’t think I’d been possessed, she didn’t send me to a church group or a psychiatrist. She had denial and would often ask me: “Are you sure you liked this person? Maybe, you were just close friends.” I went to my first Pride that year and came out to my dad in May, which also scared me shitless. I’ve spent the past two years coming out to family and friends.

Since then? Last year, I came out to the majority of my extended family, went to Pride again (that time my mom tagged along), got into my first real relationship and my first real breakup and now I have a wonderful girlfriend that I’m lucky to be capable of liking openly and without limitations or guilt.

It took me a very long time to like myself. It took years to undo what I’d been taught. It took what felt like forever to realize that loving girls is a blessing. Being gay is something I hold so close to my heart and I honestly feel lucky to feel this way. As I told my mom after I came out: “Some people feel warm and fuzzy about boys. Some people feel warm and fuzzy about boys and girls. Some people feel warm and fuzzy about everyone. I happen to only feel warm and fuzzy about girls” and it’s far from a disadvantage - it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

Thanks for reading. <3

[icharchivist]

perso-rant underneath and at first i intended it to be more light hearted but welp cant dive into myself without digging the bad stuff so just ignore this as rambling.

(idk if the cut works on mobile so as usual blacklist #ichapersonal to skip it , its quite long)

its night and im noisy and all but yknow part of the reason m/lb is such a healing show for me and i rewatch it every couple of days?

i cry everytime M.arinette's family is on screen pretty badly bc i get so envious all the time. i hate my shitty family (and often can relate to A.drien's ressentment) so just seeing such a /healthy/ family being often shown litterally brings me to tears. im like C.hat in the animan episode when he stares at the family picture with a sweet smile (another detail that stupidly make me cry who allowed th i s)

like. i dont relate to A.drien's relation to his family but some of the emotional effects is often a moment of "welp. mood." and being kinda sad /for him/ even if i can feel it for myself too. but then with M.arinette's family everytime they get to be on screen i realize how happy this sort of dynamic makes me and it makes me /so envious/.

like my mom is an artist and an excellent cook but she always barred those interests from me bc it was /hers/ and it was for /her ego/ and this attitude just killed every curiosity i had and remplaced it with a complete unability to care.

i used to bake as a kid but my mom was always shutting down everything i was doing, and if i was asking for help or recieps she would just tell le "it's a secret just watch " and never letting me know tf she was doing so i stopped lmao. everytime ive tried meals since it was only for myself and with a hard mocking from family and mom saying she had a better recieps and i should just let her do so i dont even try it often. (moreeven now that the kitchen is opened to the living room and they're super judgemental when im in it)

i was messing with drawings and paints in her workshop when i was a kid but she would always point out flaws and take my tools to correct it without telling nor showing me how and it killed it, it took me until my 14yo to start doing mindless doodles and then my breakdown when i was about 20 to seriously try back to draw and do art and try different tools (until my right hand made it impossible for me to hold a tool and the failure still feels yknow)

i wanted to sew things and make clothes (at the time for my dolls) but my mom was never letting me touch the tools (that we HAD since not only she made clothes but her mom actually had a fabrique shop. like. right next door. i think it became part of my mom's trauma hating her mom and refusing us to connect with her, more so with what happened when i was 7 and we lost contact with them but still, the damn irony. and i cant remember if my grandma ever let me close her sewing material but i was a damn kid after all) so this is another thing i didnt pursue

i wanted to pick up music (piano mostly) bc my uncle is a musician but my parents never wanted to invest in that because they already gave a piano to my sister (that i wasnt allowed to use) so ye that was dropped lmao

and i started to write when i was about 11 and it was that /one thing/ i didnt need help for from anyone, completely self taught, with my own ways and tools, and my parents were always dismissive of it, never listening to me, always telling me it wasnt important, that i should focus on something else, and after other circumstances that added to that i dropped writting around my 17/18yo and it had been painful to even try to write again since.(i came back to writing around my 20yo a bit before my breakdown but after it happened it started to die out and i felt exhausted and stopped after a few months and since then i've never been able to pick up writing again ay.)

(and im not touching the obsessive elements bc like- the fact she does it for her crush makes it different, but the sort of things she does? taking pictures and putting them everywhere in her room when she hyperfixates, making overcomplicated schedules and such? i litteraly do that with fiction. i made a freaking timeline for this show. i am currently working on organizing codex from d.a and an approval guide for christ sake. and im not talking about my multiple fandom shrines in my room and the fact i legit have one for m/lb made from pictures found on merchs.

or also the fact i have a lot of passions i'd love to share and seeing M. play video games with her dad for exemple makes me so bitter when all i get is backhanded insults from my parents when i bring it up.)

So sometimes i see M. and part of me is just in awe, loving everything about her. the other part of me tho... i feel... a bit robbed? like she's such a creative kid, she's incredible and she inspires me everyday, and i cant help but think how i would have adored her when i was a kid. (im not even kidding, as a kid i requested my mom a costume of black cat for h.alloween and a l.adybug costume for the carnaval. i have pictures of that at my dad's place sadly it kills me. also my room when i was a kid used to be covered with l.adybug stickers like. HELL my mom doesnt care about my interests but last year she bought me a M/LB winter callendar (bc its been years i was mentioning i wanted one, a selfish whim but oh well) and i had a huge double take bc i was certain she didnt remember me talking about this show- and she did not. when i asked her why, she legit told me "because she reminded me of you as a kid with your pigtails your obsession for l.adybugs". like!! i cant even stress how kid!me would have adored this show and especially LB./M.) (the pigtails too this time i have proofs around there i used to carry them all the time until i was bullied for it at school. (bullying at school instead of good friends also adds to the difference in question tbh lmao))

there is something so... weird into seeing the parts of yourself that you cut yourself from in a character, and see that the main difference is because of how the family (and bullies) treated those elements so drastically differently.

my family was always neglectful but differently than A.. the things i relate to with him is how he specifically still holds on hope that his father will do better at least just for one day and his reaction when he's left down saying he's just used to it. and like normal, not every kind of abuse are the same and all but i still relate enough to feel sad.

but M. is always a whiplash of feelings like i could have been this sort of girl in a better environment.

at 13/14yo she was already making stuff up, baking, designing clothes, doing art, she was doing so many things, even forgetting the superhero part. she was being happy being a creator at her pace and with encouragement. at 13/14yo i was starting to show concerning signs of d.epression because i was trying to handle my parents's divorces and the multiple trials that followed that /i/ had to handle by finding middle grounds, allowing some of my father's blackmail to avoid worse, and by litterally having to collect infos from mails everytime to prove against some of his arguments to the judges. and my sister refusing to talk to us for a year, which caused us basically to feel very bad thinking of the eldest sister who ran away from home, and having to handle my father's harrasment and emotional abuse of constantly belittling me (fuck this was the age he legit told me i would probably end up a p.rostitute so ye!!! fuck that!!!) andd the fact my mom was also falling apart from all of it on me and i was always supposed to cheer her up while i was having a hard time in a new school and new environment away from the very few friends i had and again feeling abandonned by my sister which freaking sucks after already had suffered that from our eldest one.

but M. makes me cry every. goddam. rewatch. its like maybe the ultimate wish fufilling story of just how i would have loved my family to be. of how i think i could have turned up.

and that realization hits so badly everytime.

there's a thing with my hyperfixations where i'll always find a way to tie it back to my traumas. i dont know if im pulling straws, or if the things are there. for having watched m.lb when it came out unfazed and only got hit with that realization upon rewatching- i feel it was more me realizing "there is something there that is touching me more than before" and having an introspection to get it.

and i think the difference is that- before my breakdown the characters and stories i related to where the eternal optimistic-yet-damaged "never give up!" type of characters. When things started to go downhill to my breakdown and since then the fictions that talked to me the most were all dealing with guilt coming from toxic environment that werent your fault per se but you pierceved that way. my way to relate were to characters who felt deeply connected to their guilt (peak being c.loud of f.f7 that even topped it with the deadly skin disease making him lose will to live (because ye that happened. still hate to watch out for that so ye), and memories issues, you would have told me at 13yo when i first watched that movie that this would be what i would relate to him about 7 years later i would have laughed at your face.), which translated with pushing people away and self destructing habits.

and i know i watched m.lb the first time around that time, when i was 20/21. and that may be why i didnt feel that. that my concerns were too elsewhere to realize that. That i was too focalized on how i felt like i failed by suddenly breaking under the pressure, having all the things i've kept burried kicking me out at once, and that i couldnt afford to be a burden to anyone. and it translated with me loving characters like that because in most cases their friends ended up reminding them of what was important - and sometimes just getting frustrated about your fav being as dumb as it forces you to pull yourself back together lmao. not always working but it was there.

now im 23. i cut ties with my father for about 3/4 years now, with all the shitty things that ensued out of the last trial where he sued me and his still-happening harrasment (sometimes silly sometimes scary). My mom and step dad are suffocating me more and more everyday. my health had become so disastrous i cant even manage to go school or find a job. And more than ever im frustrated and angry.

and i think it may be a shown of recovery? perhaps linked to therapy? of while i still have guilt of falling apart- /they/ are the reason i fell apart. and I'm yet to have proper apologizes for it. i grew furious at my family. of how much i feel robbed.

lately im so angry at everything i lost, was taken of, stolen childhood all of that- because of my parents, mainly. (hell even the bullying at school - in primary school it apparently started bc of gossips about why my eldest sister ran away from home, and in middle school it was first bc my parents insisted on sending me to private school where i was an outcast. which then had me truly embrassing the outcast persona that had made it impossible for me to be at peace in the two others middle schools i went to. highschool saved my social life tbh).

i think it's therapy and recovery that is making me shift the blame and feel so angry at them. so bitter. and suddenly i see in an innocent kid show a "what could have been". same starting personality, different people to channel this.

and this is. frustrating.

but it makes me love it even more. idk if its driving anything else than ressentment but at least for the time of an episode I'm in a bubble of a.lternative universe where i can forget about my life and feel satisfied at once.

like finding a piece of myself that i deliberately broke and burried to never think about it again, and realize far later how it missed to the whole, and how damaged this piece is now, but still is.

and there is something incredibly healing about that. i would never have thought there would be this much healing out of this anger and yet satisfaction. what a strange feeling.

fiction is funny that way. the things people can get out of it to deal with their own psyche are so different one person to the next.

it's just so weird for me to go from "i relate to the horrors this character went through" to "and fuck those horrors. let me think about what could have been if this didnt happen."

even moreso knowing i had this piece of fiction before and didnt approach it that way. there's a time and a mindset for everything. apparently now was the best mindset for me huh

.......

so ye apparently i cant like something like a normal person and have to go on about how it connects to my deeply rooted traumas lmao.

anyway it's been eating me up for weeks now and it's 4:45am i have absolutly no impulse holding me back. if you sat through this piece of work im sorry. just needed it to get it out of my chest.

i'll go back to hugging my cheap-yet-lifesaving c.laire's l.adybug pillow now

good night o/

[thoughtfulpaperback]

Television and White People problems I cant relate to

I might make people mad, but I am just gonna say it. A good half the time I cannot relate to the problems and motivations of white people on TV. But I am going to list some scenarios that I cannot relate to

1. Unaffectionate Parents/parents that arent around much/parents who are strict = bad parents who ruin thier children

Listen purposefully withholding affection from your child as a manipulation tactic does equal bad parent. Never allowing your child to make meaningful connections outside of the home as a way to control them = abusive parent. But like shows like Gilmore Girls have the main character and side characters acting as if she has been horribly scarred by thier parents not letting them listen to rock or run around and dirtying an expensive dress. Or they excuse or justify a characters bad behavior because thier parents aren't around (usually these are rich characters).

I am a working class Latina and I always felt this was total BS. My grandparents were not affectionate people. There were no hugs or I love yous after the age of 5. Both worked long days and I was constantly left in charge of my siblings. I wasnt allowed to wear makeup until after I was 15 (I didnt start wearing it until I was 18) and when I did my grandpa constantly made comments like "what do you have on you face?" "Only ugly women have to wear makeup!" "If God wanted your nails to change color every month he would have made it so they could without that junk (nail polish)!". I wasnt allowed to listen to rap music. If my grandma bought me an outfit I wasnt allowed to do anything to get it dirty

I wasnt allowed to stay the night at a friends house until I was in high school and even then my grandparents preferred people stayed the night at our house versus me going to someone elses.

Guess what...I am fine. I never was rebellious. I knew they loved me. I knew they cared. I wasnt a teen parent. I can tell people I love them. I am affectionate with people I am close to. I graduated college. I was a good, friendly, well adjusted kid. All of my Latina friends were too. But like every other white "bad kid" or "jerk" is that way because of thier parents supposed lack of interest.

Listen I get the validity of loneliness or even anger at feeling as if your parents are not interested in you. I am just saying it is something that is not in my experience, so I have a hard time relating to it even though it is a very common troupe.

2. Cutting out family members/estranged family.

Ok so my Latina self has never, ever understood this movie plotline. Like I have extended family who may not even be related to me that are big idiots, which everyone recognizes, but I still see them at all the family events because it is rude not to invite them when they are family. Like we do not stand physically abusive people in my family. But that is what you have to be in order to be cut off from us. Stupid? A Mooch? Toxic? Prejudiced? A very annoying drunk? All those things are okay warrant toleration because you are family. And again this is extended family. In movies or shows where the child has cut off the parents from thier life or that make snide remarks or talk back to them...OMG not only can I not relate but I cannot even process.

Again I am not saying that people should have to tolerate any behavior which causes them anxiety or makes them uncomfortable. But like the idea of ever cutting out my grandparents or even my mother completely out of my life is unimaginable. Right not agree with the things they do or say, and I may not make an effort to reach out to my mom, but I will never purposefully avoid or talk bad about them to any one. And believe me my mom is pretty toxic but I would never hinder her ability to reach me if she needs me. I will no longer go out of my way to please her, but moving away having children and not letting her be part of thier lives. Nope not doing it.

Most of my latino friends live in multi-generational homes (grandparent, great-parents, parents, self and thier children). So just the idea that your grandparents or parents live in a different home than you was hard enough to wrap my mind around while watching TV. The idea that you moved across the country to get away from your family unimaginable.

Again not condemning any one who does that just explaining why minded just cant relate.

3. 18=Adult and going crazy

I am 25 (I think, I forget) years old. I am a virgin, I didnt have a sip of alcohol until I was 23 or right when I turned 24 (again I forget). I've never had a boyfriend. I have only been on like 3 dates with 1 person. I still ask my grandparents permission to go places, I tell them my plans and who I am with. I do this unprompted. My grandparents dont demand that I do it. I just do.

Dont get the wrong idea, I have had lots of fun. I lived on the dorms as a college freshman, I made lots of friends and was in multiple clubs, played intramural sports, worked as an activities coordinator at the college and hung out with friends. I've gone to concerts, I've traveled to multiple countries and studied abroad. I vacation with friends.

Like I could never relate to teenagers or college kids on television as a teen and I still can't as an adult. Dont get me wrong freshman year of college I met the Wild kids all testing thier boundaries and exploring thier sexuality now that they were out of the house.

But that just wasnt me. I didnt feel the need to. I didnt want to drink (my house wasnt anti alcohol or anything like that). I didnt want to experience getting drunk or trying drugs. I didnt have the need or urge to do anything sexual with anyone. It wasnt because I was ashamed of my body, saving myself for marriage, or emotionally scarred by my grandparents about the subject. I just didnt want to. My grandma always tells people when they ask her how she raised me to be such a good kid (although thinking on it I should resent being called a kid at age 25) that my brother and just came out perfect or the closest thing to perfect. Like I am not saying that to claim that I am, but just to give y'all the idea of how non wild I am.

18 was a wierd age for me. I was exploring mostly myself as an individual seperate from my family. Figuring out what I liked because when you live with so many people you kind of blend interests. Sometimes I dont know if I actually like an activities that I frequently do or if I frequently do it because one of my siblings likes it.

Making friends outside of family. I always had friends growing up but my closest friends were my siblings and cousins. College was the beginning of meeting people from different backgrounds and becoming friends based on common interests rather than out of convenience. A great transition to my next unrelateable troupe.

3. Peer Pressure and letting bullies get away with it.

So like for the longest time, TV made it seem like it was hard to stand up to bullies, like it was Big deal and hard decision to stand up for someone else. Like to an extent some more recent shows still do it (Glee for one). And I just cant relate.

I never cared what other kids thought of me. I was always secure in who I was and happy with myself. While I wanted to please my family, i never felt pressured to please anyone else to to follow the mass consensus on what is cool or not. I also could never stand a bully.

In elementary school I flipped over my shared desk when my desk mate called the new girl (who was on medications that made her fall asleep during class a re***d) and told him that if him and the entire class that if they have a problem with her then they can fight me and I am obviously not kidding. (My very first outburst and threat of violence). In the 7th grade a couple of girls were harassing a girl in the bathroom for telling thier secrets. Even though it wasnt any of my business and these girls were known for actually fighting other girls, I still told them that they were being stupid and to leave her alone. Which earned me a shove against the wall and a "you want to fight me?". To which I stupidly responded "I am not afraid of you" which was a huge lie.

My childhood friends who werent related to me were usually the people who nobody wanted to be friends with. Mostly kids werent considered "able" or were too "annoying". I hated the idea of people being shunned because they werent "able" or because they didnt have a concept of volume control, personal space, or the ability to read a room) or because we were related. I straight up yelled at a guy in the middle school lunch room because he was saying that I was so nice for hanging out with the special kids especialky Bob (not his real name) because everyone hated him for not being able to shut up or go away. Bob has asperger's syndrome or was adhd I honestly dont remember. He had an assigned aid and would get too close to people and once he started talking he wouldnt stop so classes were hard for him and making friends was hard to.

In 9th grade band class I stood up and called out the drum section for laughing and calling the drum majors (a Male and a female) a f*g, ugly crack baby, and other slurs while they were conducting and then told the substitute that I refused to continue playing until they were sent to the principles and dealt with accordingly. I then walked out and put my instrument away very loudly in front of the band and pulled a chair up behind the drum majors so I could glare the entire class down while they played.

In 10th grade a made a huge scene when a guy thought he'd be cute by saying that the only reason my friends and i were doing well in Spanish class was because we were "sucking mr.------ balls". I stood up and shredded into him about how that accusation was basically calling mr.----- a pedophile and that it showed how much of a sexist pig he was that he has to basically accuse successful ladies of having to used sex to be successful because that is easier for his ego than admitting his laziness inattentiveness, and bad attitude are the reason he is failing a class about his first Language.

I also yelled at a girl in the middle of the school grounds for saying there should be a holocaust for gay people.

Apparently I am the queen of making a scene. I list these things not a bragging thing, but because they werent hard for me. Most of were just reactive. I never understood why TV made doing the right thing seem like it was so hard and that you were being a freaking martyr.

I was never bullied. I knew that kids didnt like me but no one every messed with me or harrassed me the way they did other people. Doing the right thing did not make my life harder. Standing up for people wasnt some herculean task that took like two days of thinking and emotional preparation. The "majority" of people allowing mean spirited people to harrassed others never swayed me to let it go. Indifference was never an option in my mind.

So I was always really frustrated by characters who didnt automatically help a person who was being harrased. It is my least favorite TV or movie plotline. And again I can't relate.

Again this isnt to bash on anyone or to suggest that making a scene or putting yourself at risk are the only ways of helping others and standing up for others.

[exfriends]

lil pride questionnaire thing

this was originally an ask meme, but i wanted to just do it all the way! 

stuff under the cut

1. describe your idea of a perfect date

probably staying in, ordering food (date must do the phone call and the opening of the door to collect the food in order for it to be considered the perfect date). vidya games. youtube vids. the works. 

2. whats your “type”

i really like alternative looking girls! piercings and tattoos? right up my alley. however, i literally think all types of girl are attractive, so this is a terrible question. 

3. do you want kids?

not really, only bc i don’t think i could ever be a good parent. i’m open to it though.

4. if you do, will you adopt or use some other form of child birth?

probably adoption from the foster system cause i dont want my children biologically related to me

5. describe the cutest date you’ve ever been on

uuuuughhh probably me and tash’s second first date in november, we went to applebees and literally wandered around a home goods and it was just, the best time. 

6. describe your experience having sex for the first time (were you nervous? or was it easy peasy?)

 7. are you a morning time gay or night time gay?

i am an afternoon gay bc all of me wants to say night time gay but whenever im at my girlfriends house i fall asleep at grandma hour 

8. opinion on nap dates?

hell yeah

9. opinion on brown eyes?

hell yea

10. dog gay or cat gay?

dog gay

11. would you ever date someone who owned rodents or reptiles?

yeah!! id be very nervous holding them tho, reptiles look very brittle to me and i wouldnt want to hurt them

12. whats a turn off you look for before you start officially dating someone

certain opinions on things, how often and how they text in general, communication preferences 

13. what is a misconception you had about lgb people before you realized you were one?

that only “ugly” girls could be gay. i was in middle school and my idea of ugly was basically traits that resembled my own--i never thought conventionally attractive ppl could be gay. also before middle school i didn’t even know gay was a thing, like it was just never mentioned as a possibility. 

14. what is a piece of advice you would give to your younger self

don’t believe boys when they tell you they like you lol u gay af

15. (if attracted to more than one gender) do you have different “types” for different genders?

16. who is an ex you regret?

ALL OF THEM though most recent, first srs relationship, def regret. he has a kid with the girl he left me for now lol 

17. night club gay or cafe gay?

cafe gay! 

18. who is one person you would “go straight” for

Raúl Esparza

19. video game gay, book gay, or movie gay?

video game gaaaay but like i never play i just watch letsplays

20. favourite gay ship (canon or not)

victuuri, patater, zimbits, barisi... 

21. favourite gay youtuber

i’m literally just gonna say shane cause thats the first that comes to mind but i really dont keep up with him or any other lgbtq youtubers

22. have you ever unknowingly asked out a straight person?

several times!

23. have you ever been in love?

yes!

24. have you ever been heartbroken?

yes!

25. how do you determine if you want to be them or be with someone

i don’t! i just die. i’ve never heard of this phenomenon. 

26. favourite lgb musician/band

probably the spook school or diet cig? 

27. what is a piece of advice you have for young / baby gays

Don’t be afraid to use a label for yourself and eventually have to change it. I was afraid of the word lesbian my entire life because it seemed too...final. and even now i dont use it for a medley of reasons, but don’t let that stop you from embracing it. 

28. are you out? if so how did you come out

i didnt really “come out” i just kind of, started openly liking girls and no one really believed me until i brought tash home?

29. what is the most uncomfortable / strange coming out experience you have

probably trying to explain to my cousin that just because i was gay i didn’t want to hang out with the one lesbian we had in our high school. he was insisting that it would be a learning experience for the new lifestyle i had chosen. literally? what? he wasn’t trying to hook us up he just wanted us to hang out for some reason. wild. 

also trying to explain to my bio mom that i was dating a girl last year. she just, asked me if i had sex with her, and i was like what. but of course she didnt use the word sex she had to be like “did you do the hatchy matchy with her? have you done the smoochy poochy?” and im like. this is why we never speak to each other. 

30. what is a piece of advice for people who may not be in a safe place to express their sexuality

the day you can be away and be yourself will be the most freeing time in your life! take it from me. it’s worth waiting for. some people will never change, but you can be happy. 

[blckbrdflyy]

Oh 18 year old me & how not much has changed.

I’m now 30 and this was written in 2004 when I had just turned 18. It’s crazy how after all these years alot of this is still accurate. (Ignore the misspelling and grammatical errors I did not want to spend the time editing and wanted to keep it raw)

“my name is cathy but most know me as cat. i am very informed and opinionated and i love to debate. i am very open minded. i hate drama. pretty girls make me feel inferior. i like to be in love. shaggy haired guys are gorgeous. i play the guitar, write poetry and skateboard. i also love my art. i am going to be going to college to major in graphic design. i like solitude but if it werent for my friends i would go crazy. i am a foster child but do not feel sorry for me or expect me to tell you my life story. i love my family very very much but they will probably never know that. i am very shy and timid at first but i eventually open up to a whole new person. i am always changing and thats part of life. i do smoke pot and cigarettes, i do drink and i do party. i will never push my choices off on anyone so dont push yours on me. if you dont like it you dont have to. i am not on here to get the highest amount of friends. i do cry alot. i am a very emotional and sensitive person. i love to be in love. i love to laugh. i love to just have fun. i am a HUGE pessimist and it sucks. i am very unorganized. i refuse to be cheated on ever ever again. i will not suffer through another damn heartache. i am very gullible. i sleep with a night light on and music cause i have always been afraid of the dark. i worry too much. i eat alot of pickles and potato chips. i like to read alot and escape into the worlds that can be created by masterminds of the english language. i am not any kind of core, i am not scene, i am not straightedge, i am not punk, i am not gothic, i am not emo, i am not indie, i am not gangster, i am not preppy, i am not a metal head i am just my fucking self, so even though you may classify me it will never change who i am or how i see myself. i have a very low self esteem. i love hanging out with guys having burping contests and playing video games. i am a cat person. i love going to the park and swinging and always hoping that i will go over that bar into another dimension like swinger girl. i watch too much television. i am very passionate about the things i enjoy. i think i was born way to late. my favorite time period would be the 1900’s. i always try too hard to get people to like me. i am quite the insomniac. i bite my fingernails. i dye my hair alot and i think its going to fall out soon. i have thyroid cancer. i hate it when people feel sorry for me and pity me in any way. i love being the center of attention but large groups make me very nervous. i love kids and babies and old people. i hate to fight. i always feel really bad if i hit someone even if its my little sister and she just punched me in the face. i always put myself in someone elses shoes. i have scoliosis. i think society is just as fucked up as our government is. i hate george bush and there is nothing you can say or do that will ever change my mind. i am eighteen years old. i am worried that i will never find a love that was lost. i wish i didnt have to die. death scares the shit out of me. i hate thinking that everyone will eventually die. i believe in faith of the heart and mind because all organized religions are fuckin corrupt. i like watching cartoons. my favorite candy bar is twix but i dont like chocolate that much. i hate milk. i love love love ice cream. my favorite season is autumn because i think it is so beautiful and feels wonderful. winter is my least favorite because it is dreary cold and depressing. i do not hate my life but i wish there were alot of things that i could change. i do not like people that are racist and judgemental because they think they are so much better than others, its ignorant. i like to paint my nails. i like to make jewlery. i shop at the thrift store and the flea market. i really like boys not just as love interests but they make the best friends for me because they are much more carefree and fun to be around. i read alot. everyone including myself is a hypocrit at one time or another.i cant wait to get the hell out of highschool but i dont want to go into the real world just yet. i hate letting go but i have a hard time getting attached. expressing my feelings verbally is one of the hardest things for me to do. i am sometimes too nice that i get taken advantage of, i have a hard ass time being mean unless you are making fun of someone or just being an asshole. i want to join the peace corps. i want to live in australia. money is evil but so good to have. i have never seen three of my sisters and havent seen my real mom since i was six. my dad was a marine and he is a psycho abusive person and my step mom is a drunk. my older sister can be a huge bitch and trys to change who i am but she thinks she is looking out for me, my little brother has no emotion and he is turning out to be like my dad. my little sister is cool and she looks up to me. my grandma and grandpa are really poor but the absolute sweetest people you could ever meet. two of my uncles and a cousin have been to prison. my family is comprised of a lot of backstabbers and snobs. i am part german and cherokee indian. i am an american and damn proud and grateful for all that i have. i ponder all the things in the world non stop and often get so frustrated with all the unanswered questions. i like being popular but only if its for good reason. i would date a girl if she was right for me, but guys are my main thing. i try to help everyone i can through their problems. i love going to concerts and getting in the pit. my biggest pet peeve is when someone gets all competitive over music and has to know everything they possibly can and make you feel like an idiot if you dont. i want to be famous. i want to sing in a band. i am very very pale. i have a fake tooth. i like psychological movies that leave things unanswered to make you think of all the possibilities. i like smoking weed every now and then but i will not let any drug control my life. i have made a lot of mistakes and have a lot of regrets but i move on. if you dont like me chances are i will still like you. i look up to a lot of people such as martin luther king jr., harriet beecher stowe, harriet tubman, abraham lincoln, princess diana, mandy moore, john lennon, johnny cash, my foster mom, brad pitt and jenifer aniston, the dalhai llama, helen keller, elie wiesel, anne frank and last but not least myself. i hate talking on the phone. i miss my childhood and wish i could relive it and change so many things. i dont like cookies or cake too much or even chocolate. i love iced tea with lots of sugar. i love french vanilla roast cofee with lots of cream and sugar. my favorite holiday is thanksgiving. i still go trick or treating. i hate how a big of an influence society has on so many of our personal choices. i believe in karma. i cant wait to be on my own but i am scared. i am afraid of not being accepted but then again i dont want to care or worry about it. i am not a virgin. i love cuddling and making out better than anything else. i like falling asleep in a guys arms. i wish i could read peoples minds cause i always wonder just how they feel or what they are thinking. i love roller coasters and i get really nervous at first but after one time i am hooked and i will ride just about anything anywhere. i like being outside all the time when its warm enough cause when its cold all i do is sleep. i hate grey rainy cold days because they put me in a bad mood and i usually have a bad day. i have always loved making out in the summer or spring rain though its so romantic. i dont like getting gifts of any kind. i love politics. i love late night philosophical discussions. i wont tell you like it is cause i am a pussy and cant be a bitch. i love late night i love yous. i love when guys call me even after i just saw them because they miss me. i love randomness. i love life. i love nature. i love kualas. i love poetry. i love fashion. i love human anatomy. i love singing in the shower. i love playing dress up. i love star gazing in the middle of the night. i love crayola crayons. i love football games. i love fast food. i love mountain dew. i love self expression. i love spontaneity. i love open mindedness. i love stuffed animals. i love hoodies. i love cars. i love difference. i love tube socks. i love dying my hair. i love piercings. i love tatoos. i love monkeys. i like ego boosts every now and then. i love saturday morning cartoons. i can love you given the chance. i love to laugh. i love to smile. i will not change for you. i have opinions and yes they do change. i will not have sex with you. i like school because of the social interaction. i watch the news and read the newspaper alot. i learn slowly. i was diagnosed with manic depression and i am always medication but i dont think i am depressed i think i am like all the other teens, its just teenage angst and mood swings. i think this country is obsessed with diagnosing kids with all possible problem they can. i like my eyes. i struggle with letting things and people go. i like collecting things cause i am a major pack rat…Yep that’s me!”

[this-blog-should-not-exist]

Idek this is just rambling

I mean it doesn't have to be about relationship stuff, like I said in the start its a blog. So blog for blogs sake. It’s a really nice way to just dump whats been on my mind actually. Which makes me laugh because I started this blog as a hidden one so I can just thirst over boys because I who doesn't do that on occasion. I never really intended to just start rambling about my problems on here. But also I couldn’t really do that on my main blog either because of reasons. One of which I have friends that I see a lot following my regular blog and true it’s good to be open about stuff but I don't want them to see me like this I guess. It would alter their perception of me that I have created over the years of knowing them. Its not a front Im putting up, they know the true me very well but this I feel like if I posted stuff like this to them its basically just saying to them “hey give me attention” which isn't when Im doing. Plus like I said it would alter their perception of me which I don't need that.

Ive been told by people that I am outgoing and do things which make it seem like I don't care what people think about me, which in reality I care oh so much about how people see and perceive me. what they think about me or what they say about me when Im not around. Is it good things? Do I make a fool of myself and create a bad image? Am I someone they actually like to be around or do I secretly annoy the shit out of them? Or even now, as I write these posts what do people think of me? The things I write on here I keep the myself 90% of the time and yet I lay them out in the open. Who actually reads these? Do like 15 people or so read my posts but never like or reblog them? Do people relate to my situations? I don't know, but like I said it does seem to help me because it gets it off my mind and physically somewhere else that I can actually see my thoughts and relax about it. 

That’s something else as well, just in general I hate talking about myself. Im afraid that I come off like a self absorbed asshole who only thinks about himself. Like that is not at all what I want to be known as, but it is important to talk about yourself and know who you are. Sometimes I just want to ask my friends questions like that just so I know myself from someone else's perspective. Like I just want to ask like why are you friends with me? What do you like about me, what is it that you tolerate me? What is it that I do that annoys you? Surely there must be something? No one is perfect. What decisions or actions have I made that you didn't agree with. When I went out to Oregon for college everyone seemed so proud like yeah go chase your dreams, we all support you. Do you? Do you support me or are you just saying that because you know I won't change my mind about it? And now that Im back and found out that it was more expensive than I thought it would be is that something you wanted to tell me from the beginning? Did you think it was smart of me to leave or should I have waited? 

I can't really talk about myself if I don't know myself which I feel like I don’t. What can I even say? I feel like I'm pretty humble. I don't like to cause conflict, confrontation makes me anxious. I just want everyone to be happy or just content, I hate it when someone Im close to is upset. I guess Ive got that happy go lucky attitude, at least thats what I've been told. My grandma used to call me her little smile child because there was never a time i didnt have a smile on my face. Even now as I type there are things that I don't know how to explain and or don't want to sound conceded. The gist is I like to believe that I have just the biggest heart. I just want people to be happy and smile, for everything to be alright. To be in the best mood. It makes me happy to see people laugh and smile. If a choice comes up I will do whatever to make a friend happy even at my own expense, just so they enjoy themselves and smile. Its a fun time when they ask me like what do you want to do? Well sometimes I have something in mind but I don't want to say for fear that they don't want to or they don't enjoy it. When family or friends try to pay me or give me money I just feel awful. Especially from my mom’s side of the family or any grandparents. Like please no, you may need that more than me please, I’ll be fine. I like to think that Im pretty creative, I take pride in being a little strange. Mom would always say that how I think or make things makes her head hurt i.e. saying that I thought around the box in a different and unique way. I’m also 19 and 5′11.5″ yet I feel like Im still a small child. I will curl up in a ball and feel absolutely adorable and cosy. The things I enjoy and what I find pleasure and entertainment in can be child like sometimes. The video games I play, the TV shows and movies I watch, the activities that I do. Playing on playgrounds, on the swings, running around playing games like tag or hide and seek. Riding on those little toy cars or motorized jeeps. Using imagination acting out awesome adventures. Idk just a lot. Even when it comes to interacting with people, going into somewhere new with new people I sometimes find an older woman be that in her 20s or older who knows and just she in my mind becomes my mom of that area or workplace. I have a “mom” in Oregon at my old college, she was the admissions counselor that told me about the school in the first place, she helped me so much. Loved talking with me about whatever, I came to her when I needed help. I still text her every now and then to just catch up. Then again now at Starbucks one of my shift managers she's just the sweetest, always there to help and talks in the nicest tone. Never angry when I ask a million questions or when I mess up. And yet still funny and entertaining to work with. I sometimes need someone just to lead me, to help me step by step sometimes. Not because I can't figure it out on my own, but because of my fears and anxiety I believe, Im not sure really why I do this, nominate these women in my mind as my “moms” away from home. 

Haha Its been about maybe an hour of me thinking and writing, just rambling from one idea or topic into or off another one. I wanted to write tonight because I just felt like it, no real point but to write for writing sake. I started also doing like blackout poetry with this book that a lot of us got when we were out in Oregon. They were just handing them out for free outside of the college and one of my friends had the idea first but then I wanted one of my own as well so I finally got to it today. I did two pages. I may do another one or two tomorrow who knows, its just fun. Ive also been house sitting for one of my close friends dad this whole month and I've been writing these on my laptop so once November rolls around I won't have internet because Im going back to moms. We used to have internet but she just hasn't paid the bill in forever so that’ll be fun. I could try and type it all on my phone but idk, Im so much faster on my laptop. Who knows, I’ll figure something out. 

[fancycollectionfury-blog1]

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i have 18 pts within 18 months and i have to take an ADI course and get SR22 insurance, how much will it run on average each month?""

SO confused about this car insurance issue?

ok, due to being in the hospital giving birth, i missed a second payment on my car insurance in one term. i was told by my broker that was it, there was nothing i could do, they would cancel. my insurance company is ING. i said ok so what next? she told me on july 10th that they were sending out a registewred letter that day stating it was cancelled (my payment was late on june 25th). 2 wks later i had not received anything so i called my broker again. this was at 1 pm (they close at 4) and no one called me back. finally, i called back again, she called ING and called me back saying ok they said if you can pay it today it wont be cancelled (i had asked MULTIPLE times if this was an option, i was told no) by the time she told me that, it was 330 pm. I live a 1/2 drive away and by the time i got the baby together, went to the bank etc, it would be after their closing time so i couldnt do that. i contacted another broker who my mother deals with and he told me that they would send me my""

Whats higher in cost car insurance or van insurance at 19 years old?

just a little argument what would cost more car insurance or van insurance

Do i need to have insurance if i don't use a car?

Please tell me - do i need to have insurance when i don't use a car? I'm buying car next week but after that i'm going abroad for a month and nobody will use this car. I would like to know if i can keep car in garage for this time without insurance and buy when i go back? Maybe its comuplsory to have insurance for all time when i'm cars owner?

I want cheap auto insurance?

I am from canada and i want cheap auto insurance from where i will get this.

Baby Insurance at 19?

I doubt it will, but, I am 19 years old and I am still on my mom's insurance plan. So if I were to get pregnant, would the insurance cover my baby's delivery and pregnancy appointments or would I still have to pay the noninsured payments.""

Car insurance for 18 year old lad?

what car can i get the cheapest insurance on im 18 and male.

Car Insurance Groups?

What Insurance Group would a Ford KA (02 Reg) Collection be? And also what Group would a Ford StreetKA be?

How much is car insurance usually in UK?

I live in London and don't have a clue about this thing but I just passed my test at 29 and hope to get a decent looking car that has had a previous owner and don't under all this quote business. I've got about 2670 to spend. So half of that will be for a deposit. How much do most people spend on insurance a year and what would be a cheap price range for me to look for? How much should it be for a month?

affordable health insurance enrollment now

affordable health insurance enrollment now

Car insurance?

I am an international student in US and I am going to buy a car. However, I don't know which insurance company has car insurance for international student. Can anyone tell me some infomation about it, scuh as the name of the company or how much it costs?""

How much will my car insurance be? Where should I go?

Hello! I got into a car accident that left my car totaled and my parents kicking me off their insurance plan. I bought myself a car and now I want to get insurance but I want to see a guess of what I'll be paying a month. The accident is listed as my fault with the insurance records. Please don't judge or be mean to me I just honestly need help with this question before I go shop around I want to get a guess of what people will tell me. I'm a 17 year old female, Caucasian. I have one major accident on my record. I live in El Paso, TX I am driving a 91 BMW E30 318i that is in good condition. How much would you guess I'd pay a month for the CHEAPEST insurance? I have a friend with no major wrecks paying on her own with good student discount $50 a month. What's the lowest I may be able to pay and what's the highest I may be able to pay? Thank you so much for your help! Have a nice day :)""

""Im 19 Before buying my truck, insurance, down payment?""

Okay so I'm gonna finance a truck next week with 2,000 down is that too much ? 377 a month! I'm 19. I make 2,000 flat a month pay 250 for rent I live with my prents so 1,750 are for me(: my job is 15 minutes away (: Anyway do I need insurance too take the car home ? Can I get it later ? I asked for a over the phone quote with adranas insurance and it was $200 and they want $300 upfront for the first month that's way to much! Would those $200 a month go down ? And how long do I need full cover on the truck I would buy? I never had an accident never had a ticket or anything my license is clean I got it about 9 months ago! Can I put the insurance under someone else's name ? Like my dad ? Or what can I do ? It's a 2004 silverado v8 2 door! They said I need insurance with 500 deductible what does that mean ? I live in Los Angeles 90018 CA""

Where can i find cheap auto insurance?

i'm paying 150 a month for a 94 ford thunderbird, but i'm looking for something cheaper that i can afford. i'm just wondering how much other people pay for cars like mine...""

Is athem blue cross a good insurance?

Is it really a good insurance?

What do i do with the car insurance?

if my car insurance expires pretty soon but im leaving to mexico for a while do i still need to have the car insured even if its jus going to be parked?? or do i still need to have it insured?

How to lower my auto insurance?

Ok so I bought my 2004 volvo S60 2.5T AWD on 05/11/2011 and the insurance is killing me. I'm 20 years old and had my license for 2 years. I know it goes down when you've had your license for 3 years but that won't help right now. I'm with GEICO right now paying 371.00 a month! I know and this is actually the cheapest insurance company I was able to get!! My last payment will be on 10/11/2011 and then I will have to start a new policy. However I called them and asked them if my rate will go down once I renew with them, and they said no...... Well I did a new quote online and my rate would be $318 a month so I don't know why they keep telling me it won't change!!!!! So my question is can my mom get the insurance even though it's my car?""

Cost of insurance for 2nd gen Toyota Mr2?

Would you pay a higher insurance on this car than a normal car? what about a turbo? I got an online insurance quote and it was about $600/year for liability and $1000/year for collision coverage, does this seem like a fair price? I'm almost 19 years old and have a clean drivers record.""

Who in the world has the cheapest car insurance?? 10 point 4 best ansswer....?

ive searched and searched and searched, after all im being dropped by state farm insurance cause i became a financial risk for them.... its not my fault i had 3 car crashes in 6 months.... anyway the best rates i got so far are.... $200 a month for basic and $553 for full coverage on a 93 chevy van POS.... no im not joking my rates were $130 for full coverage with state farm b4 all these accidents..... god help me im in michigan if that helps anyone else.... i really need a fast answer cause i got 3 days to get new insurance""

Is Landlords insurance much higher than homeowners insurance?

in Philadelphia, PA.. I have my house rented and the homeowners insurance found out and now they are cancelling my policy. I did not even know there was such a thing as landlords insurance..""

Was car insurance affordable before it was mandated by law ?

Why or why not ?

Is there a cheaper way to drive my parents car with insurance.?

My parents won't let me drive their car without insurance (which i understand). To be added to their insurance policy will cost me $100 a month, but I would only use the car once or twice a week. I think its ridiculous to pay $100 when I would barely drive the car. Is there a cheaper way to drive their car just when i need it and still be insured?""

Price of insurance on a scooter for a 17 year old?

Ive been looking at a Pulse Lightspeed 2 125cc Sports Scooter Automatic Twist and Go, is it a good first scooter for a 17 year old and how much is the insurance around. If not a good scooter could you give some examples of good ones in the comments.""

How much roughly would moped insurance cost for a 16 year old in the UK?

i am thinking of getting a moped when i am 16 , i am going to get a 50cc 2 stroke supermoto of some kind. was just wondering how much insurance and tax would cost per year? please can someone help me out""

Car Insurance Question?

I am buying my first car....a pre-owned 2008 nissan altima 3.5 sedan (4 door) I would love to know how much im looking into for insurance and which company would be best for a new car owner/college student Geico Progressive State Farm etc..... Any information would be beneficial

What will happen with my car insurance?

ok so i was driving my brothers car and i have my g1 i went to money mart and back home about an hour later police came knocking on my door asking if my brother was in a car accident so we went down to the station and the officer asked if i was driving his car i said yes , he then said that the other man that was sitting in the station got my plates and said i hit his car and cracked his bumper (very minor crack) so i said no and then officer assumed i was lying and made me write up an accident report. after when i was leaving the station the other guy asked if we could solving this without going through insurance so we exchanged numbers (their was no damage at all to my brothers car & no paint or anything on their car to prove i hit it) the next day they called and said the want a whole new bumper they dont want it patched up and they would get me a price quote they then got me a quote for $1475 for a while new bumper from ford i told them im not paying that much the only way im replacing the bumper is if my mechanic does it he said ok so i went to my mechanic told him the whole situation and he said i shouldnt be replacing the whole bumper for somthing that small but he still ordered the bumper for me i had to put a $400 down payment for the bumper and $300 after its put on. the bumper came in 2 days later and they brought their car for it to be put on when we got there they got pissed off and said this isnt a bumper straight from ford and they dont want it and left ( the bumper was brand new for the same model car and had the exact paint coat match just that it wasnt from ford) they then call me threating to take it through insurance if we dont get it from ford so i lost the $400 down payment for the bumper because they cant return it after its painted so i told my mechanic to order it from ford. but when he called for they said the dont have bumpers for that model anymore, i then call the people back and told them to take it through insurance because my mechanic cant get that bumper. So what will happen to my brothers insurance hes under 25 with his g2, and i had my g1 but it was on private property where they said the incident occurred the officer even said he cant charged me because its private property PLEASE HELP!""

My car insurance and my driver license will be suspended?

Here is my story . Don't be harsh to me because I know my driving is bad I have been driving with this car for 7 months. I paid premium coverage. I did hit a divider myself and then I claimed my insurance in order to get my car repaired ( this time cost like $3000) After that 3 months, I hit a car in a parking lot. Another driver claimed my insurance and the insurance company paid them $600 to fix their car. After that 2 months, I again hit another car in the parking lot. I renewed my insurance in Jan. Before I paid $800 for 6 months, this time I paid $1900 for 1 year policy. Yesterday , I really hit another car on the road. I claimed my insurance again because the other driver's car really bad and I don't think I can pay off. My questions are : Should I pay deductible in order to get my car repaired because my car bad too and the body shop said It would cost 1k to 1.5k( because of the old damage) Will my license get suspended? Im living in CA and never get any tickets and this accident is the only one has police report? How will my insurance increase? Right now Im so stressed and confused about what Im going to ? Please help.""

Home Owners Insurance?

My wife and I are planning on buying our first home and are currently shopping for mortgages. As a first time home buyer I am a little bit confused about a few things and I thought I just ask here :) One of the mortgages we looked at (online, from our CU) listed a Hazard Insurance Monthly in the Prepaids & Reserves section (which is part of the closing cost). - I am aware of the need of Homeowners Insurance, but does that include or exclude Hazard Insurance? - The monthly rate for Hazard Insurance was listed as $1,900. That seemed extremely high to me, so my question is: What is an average amount for Hazard Insurance (or Homeowners Insurance in general)? FYI: The home we are looking at is located in the SF Bay Area and will have a value of approx. $700,000. Any comment will be appreciated...""

What car is cheap to insure for a first time driver?

im learning to drive and need some help in what car to insure. It has to be fairly big ish because im quite a big person. Any ideas. And if so what insurance companies are good for first time drivers

Buying insurance for an old car -- collision option - worth it?

I'm buying a 1995 car for about $3,000. The insurance company said it isn't worth buying collision insurance because the car is worth so little. They also said if in an accident, the repairs needed are more than the car is worth, they won't repair it. Instead, they'll pay book value. So, if my car got in an accident that would cost $4,000 to fix, which is more than the car is worth, would they pay for the car's value at $3,000 or for its value based on how much it's worth after the damage? So, if the car is worth $500 as is after an accident, is that how much I'd get? thanks""

Cheap car insurance?......?

I need to get car insurance to put the title in my name. I am just looking for the cheapest thing out there right now, not too concerned with full coverage right now, just the basics. I will do research and get the one that best suits me later but for right now I just need something fast. Geico's rates were over $100/mo for my car, is that about average? Or is there something cheaper?""

Does your license get suspended for not paying insurance?

Does your license get suspended for not paying insurance?

How much do you think my insurance will cost for my car?

I'm 16 and a female. I'm getting my license in a few days, and my parents are going to add me on to the insurance list. We've never had any accidents, except my dad, but someone hit him on his motorcycle, it wasn't his fault. My car will probably be made around 1998-2008. We have Allstate. What's your rough estimate?""

Dental discounts or affordable insurance in NJ?

I do not have dental insurance for myself and I need a good amount of dental work done, i was wondering if anyone could tell me an affordable dental plan or insurance that isnt exspensive in NJ? Im not applicable for NJ familycare dental""

What is a good type of home owner insurance to get?

I may be purchasing my first home on a land contract from a person that i know that owns the house out right. the land contract would be a five year contract or sooner if i can afford to pay the house off. i have lived in the house at one time, not for sure about a few things on the house. i was wondering if anyone may know of a website or a website that may give an estimate quote on home owners insurance on the home i may be buying. i wanted to get some idea of how much it may be and what home owners insurance covers. i have looked at a few websites, but there are a lot of different things to include in insurance and different requirements that may need to be met before the house is insured. the house is a bit of a fixer upper and needs lots of tender loving care before its decent. its livable but i need insurance if i buy it. the owner who is selling isn't requiring insurance, but i want to be smart and safe and have insurance. any suggestions? i must give an answer to the owner tomorrow, because i know he has others wanting to buy. i don't want to get into something that i have no clue about before purchasing. i am looking and getting the idea, but was looking for tips or more info. thanks""

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affordable health insurance enrollment now

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/cost-ownership-mercedes-benz-class-c-versus-mazda-3-ryan-avery/"

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What would my car insurance be?

"What would my car insurance be?

my girlfriend needs to know how much her car insurance would be in canada ON if she didnt take drivers ed, was using her parents car and was under their insurance plan

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://howmuchisinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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Im 18 and im looking to buy a moped or scooter and im just wondering what I should expect to pay on insurance. 50cc/125cc - 3rd Party. If I was to pay monthly, would 20/month be a reasonable estimate?""

What kind of life insurance do I need for my mom?

My mom is already in life insurance but I want to know what kind of life insurance that is affordable to pay for by the month. We are not expecting her to die anytime soon but we want to be prepared?

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Hi all I'm just wondering if I could get 1 day car insurance on my grandmas car because my car has broke down its just I have got tickets booked and paid for a theme park this weekend even thow I'm fully comp and my grandma is I can't drive any other car because off my age I'm 22 she said I can borrow it to get there and back but I'm gonna be really gutted if I can't go and do you think I could get a days insurance for my grandmas car thanks guys I'm insures with the AA

Car insurance is abnormally expensive for me (18yrs old)? What am I doing wrong?

I go on gocompare, confuse.com, comparethemarket, etc. to check prices of different cars but I keep getting insurance at the price of 7,000+?! And the crazy thing is, it was for a Peugeot 2002 106 which is like 1.1 litre. which came to the lowest I found. Which was 7,000+. I fill in the details truthfully, such as locked home garage, very low miles per year, etc, but I can't seem to get cheap insurance? Everyone online says they get insured for around 2,000 on a Corsa, Peugeot 106, Citroen C1 and on like 1.4L+ cars etc. HOW TO HELL? Should I just buy my 1st car then insure it on my parents name then ask me to be put on as a named driver? My friends do that and pay around 1,000-1,200 on 1.6L cars.. Also, can you recommend me a good 1st car? (England) Thanks!""

What is the best car insurance company out there today?

I'm gonna get a car soon and I'm having difficulty picking an exact car insurance company to insure my car so I just wanted to read others opinion on what car insurance they think is the best.....if availabe tell me the pros & cons....

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I just asked this question but i'll add more details--------------------- About me - I pass my test 06/03/12 And bought a car and insurance - 10/03/12 ( the car was a vauxhall corsa) I still have the vauxhall and it's insured untull the 10th of March. I'm buying a suzuki swift today and want to insure it but It's cheaper if i have 1 year No claims bonus (NCB). To get my NCB i have to wait until the 10th and i dont mind that what's bothering me is I want to sell my Corsa before or after the 10th or whatever to a garage so not private sale and still have my NCB. Is there something a garage can do where i take it to them on the day my insurance ends and they keep it until it ends? I haven't insured the suzuki AT ALL yet and i'm relying on my NCB as it takes a huge chunk out of the money. thanks.

Do car insurance companies know how long I have been a licensed driver for?

When I was younger I remember a distant family member telling me to get my CA state ID as soon as I can because when I get a driver's license and a car the insurance companies won't be able to tell which I got first. All they see is when my ID# was assigned to me, and that it will look like I have been a driver longer and get a better rate. I don' know if this is true. I am getting my first car in about a month and I want to get a good price on insurance. Need more info? I got my California state ID when I was 20 and my CA drivers license when I was 25 and I am 26 now. So there is a big difference of time. I know it sounds kinda dishonest but I have been driving since I was 17, so I do have good driving experience but it might not look that way since I've only had my license for a year and a half, when it could look like I have been a good driver for 6 years. If any one can help me out that would be awesome, please link your info or proof if you can. Thank You!""

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I was in a no-fault wreck on Christmas Eve(slid into two cars on ice). The damages were about $3500 to my car. A buff job for the first car, and a chrome polish on the bumper of the old truck. They are not worried about making an insurance claim. There are not enough damages. First off, my car is fully insured with Progressive on my mother-in-laws insurance. The car is in mine and my spouse's name. I am not on the insurance because it was not allowing my mother-in-law to add me. It kept giving her an error. She was however able to add my spouse. I received a call on Saturday from a claims specialist. They told me that because I am not on the insurance, they may not cover the repairs. They are looking into whether or not she in fact did try to add me. If they can't find that she did try to add me, they said they will not cover it. Shouldn't they pay for it no matter what. Seeing how the car has comp. and collision? This is the first time I've had to deal with a claim on the insurance, so I really don't know anything about the process. I'm going in blindfolded. Everyone I've talked to has said that it doesn't matter who is driving it, if the car is insured, it's the insurance companies responsibility to cover the costs. It would be no different than you letting your neighbor borrow your car. Am I wrong??? If you have any comments or advice, please help me out. I need something to go off to work with them! Or more like against them. Thank you!""

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Hi. 18 months ago me and my hubby went bankrupt (long story) and we have had our new car insurance quote from the company we have been with for 12 years. It jumped from 37 to 60 and we were pretty outraged and so have been shopping around. We were told by someone we know that any new insurance companies would do a credit check and that we may be refused insurance or may get pretty high premiums. As I said, we have been with our insurance company for 12 years and have paid on time every month by direct debit for the car insurance and for the home contents and pet one too. So as your premium is affected by your credit score, does this mean we should have let our insurance company know we went bankrupt, when we did back in Nov 2010? Or does it not count as we were already with them? i don't seriously see why we should've HAD to tell them, but I am not a bit worried. I don't want to make a claim and find that they refuse it because we didn't tell them of the bankruptcy!""

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Can you get a life insurance policy with out a social security number?

Can you get a life insurance policy with out a social security number?

Insurance for 1 month 19 year old UK?

Looking for insurance on a car for 1 month to drive around europe As you can't rent under 21, buying a cheap car is a better off option""

How to become an insurance agent in california?

How long does it take and where to go in ca central valley area or bay area anything about this would be greatly appreciated thanks!

Where can I find the best and affordable health insurance?

employer does not provide health insurance anymore. where can i find the best affordable health insurance that i pay for myself? thanks

Looking for a new car - which ones have lowest insurance AND lowest tax?

I don't mind what it is, but I need to have a very cheap car to run on a daily basis. I have an 03 Daihatsu Charade at the mo, and I love it, but it's getting to the stage that it needs a lot spending on it, and the parts seem to be hard to get hold of, so I've decided to have a look around and see what's on the market. Trouble is, I look at something, and it's either high on insurance or high on the tax....does anyone know which cars are low on both tax and insurance?""

How much is car insurance in ontario?

im just wondering, how much would car insurance be for a 1st time driver whos 19 and have to do it all on his owe as nobody in the family has a car lol. i dont plan on putting a car on the road till i get my g2, what isnt for like another 10months haha so i have been saving money up, Im Thinking it will proly be around $400 a month but not sure so does anybody else in ontario know how much it is? ps.. live in belleville ontario canada""

Can i buy a car and still be under my mom's insurance?

I have enough money for a car. I was just wondering if i could buy a car and have the title under my name and still be able to be under my mom's insurance. i may be able to buy a car but my own insurance may be pushing it.

Anbody have Good2go auto insurance?

My fiance and I recently found out that our policy has been cancelled (literally had no idea) so we have to find a cheap car insurance fast. Good2go is known for being cheap- but does anybody have it??? Please let me know how you like it- it almost looks a little sketchy lol. If anyone else knows how to get CHEAP car insurance in NJ please speak up! We just had 21st Century. He has a perfect driving record, I have made some mistakes in the past- which is why everything is so high for us. If anyone knows a loophole or anything let me know! Thanks!""

What is insurance likely to run me on these bikes?

I am 20 years old, have about a year of car insurance so far but the car is messed up and I plan to get a motorcycle (hopefully). I have taken the MSF course and passed. I have not had any tickets or accidents either, clean as a whistle. I am looking into a small bike like the 250 ninja, vulcan 500, or the V-star 650. About how much should I expect to pay?""

What would my car insurance be?

my girlfriend needs to know how much her car insurance would be in canada ON if she didnt take drivers ed, was using her parents car and was under their insurance plan

How much do you pay for you're car insurance 17+ ? & names of insurers!?

Hey, I'd like to know some of you're insurance quotes and where from? Looking around to find some places! Cheers in advance 10points for someone who helps!""

Does anybody know of any cheap (but credible) motorbike insurance companies?

For a 125cc bike. thanks

Which car is cheaper on insurance?

for my first car I am 16 years old secondary driver plus I took a driving course to minimize 30 percent which of these three is cheaper a BMW M3 E46 BMW E39 M5 or a BMW 330i ZHP I am only interested on insurance and is it possible the m3 can be cheaper because it has less horsepower and a smaller engine.

What car insurance would be best and not so expensive?

My NOW husband has not had a car for about 5 years now. Since we've lived together we' driven my car so he hasn't had any type of car or car insurance payments to his name for 5 years.

Do I need car insurance ?

Ok so u just got my learners permit today and my mom said she's pretty sure I don't need car insurance that I'm automatically covered since I'm a minor and can only drive in the car when they are in it so am I covered I live in Tampa Florida if that matters I just want to start driving immediately but dad says I need to make sure I'm under his policy so I can drive

How much is car insurance?

I'm 17 and would be going under my moms I know she has State Farm and hers is cheap like 600 a year. I'm a girl and want the Scion TC probably the 2006 or 2007 model. I also have the b student discount and I took drivers ed. So I was just wondering how much my insurance would be, thanks!""

The course of insurance and risk management deals with what?

Works as who?

Car insurance for teenagers?

Im 18 and I own a used car. Never a trouble maker. I have a part time job. I want to know what insurance I can get for my car that is affordable.

I live on Long Island who has the cheapest car insurance ?

I tried all the big guys the quotes are the same .who is the cheapest of cheap with no extras?

Proof of insurance?

Hello I just bought a new car and called my insurance company to insure my new vehicle they have yet to send me my card my question is I need to drive cross country do you have to have an insurance card or can the police tell if you have insurance even if you do not have a card

Student health insurance and graduation?

I purchased a years worth of student health insurance (aetna/chickering), but I am graduating right now..(late December). What happens now ? Will my insurance be canceled or will be cut if the unthinkable happens and the clinic tries to verify my insurance ?""

Do most insurance companies cover birth control?

I'm getting new health insurance through work and I'm already on the pill and I was wondering: 1. Will most insurances cover it? 2. Can I stay on the same pill?

What is insurance groups?

ex:this car is insurance group 19. whats that mean? and which numbers are cheap ones?

Cheap Cars for an 18yr old to Insure?

Cheapest I've found so far is a Classic Mini City 1.0 @ 2,500, Corsa 1.0, KA 1.3, Skoda Fabia all came out at 4,500... Any Ideas on anything else? Thanks""

""Will my auto insurance go down, now that I have turned 25?""

I just turned 25 today, will my insurance go down? should i call my insurance company?""

Affordable medical/prescription insurance for a heart transplant recipient.?

I had a heart transplant 10 years ago, and I am looking for a more affordable insurance plan, currently I use Cigna, and they're running me over $400 a month, plus a $50 dollar fee per prescription I am on, which runs me another $250-300 dollars every three months. I just recently graduated college, and am 24 years old, so my father's insurance at work no longer covers me. I'm not very familiar with insurance plans, but I would obviously need one that would accept my pre-exsiting condition of a heart transplant, and have a prescription plan, cover doctor visits, emergency care and anything else people can recommend that would be important. Thanks so much!""

Has anyone tried the Ameriprise Auto insurance? How do you rate their service compared to other insurance co?

They have a tie-up with Costco and offers a very good rate compared to AAA, Farmers, etc. I signed up with esurance who has a excellent rate but after 6 months, they are raising the premium by more than 30%. A feedback or review on Ameriprise will aid me in decision making. Thanks!""

Can i cancel my car insurance due to changes made in their policy that has skyrocketed my insurance rate?

Just got a package from my insurance company of my new payment schedule for the next 12 mths. Somebody please tell me why i went from paying $249 to $360 a month for car insurance? Sounds absurd ! There is no way in hell im paying for that . . . my questions is, if this is in fact true, can i drop my insurance company at any point in time because the price went up WAY TOO HIGH (i will no longer be able to afford) ? PLEASE HELP!!!!""

Term Life Insurances-Unknown policy?

Could anyone, e.g my ex-wife, open an insurance policy for me and make herself the beneficiary without me knowing. If that can be done how can I confirm that there is such a policy?""

Car insurance question?

Ok, ABOUT how much would 6 months of car insurance be for; 1992 Toyota 4 door. 19 year old driver inexperienced. Car is parked at my own home (yes I'm a homeowner) No one except me will be driving my car. I have no prior accidents or bad driving records. I'm in NC. I don't have a license yet but must get insurance first to get them. I know there is more to it but just an educated guess? Preferably by State Farm. I have no way to call them or get to an office is the only reason I'm on answers. I'm not looking for a real quote, just a simple idea of about how much?""

Can i get car insurance in Cali. if my license is from NY?

I'm currently in Sacramento now and i live in NYC. I flew here on vacation and now i want to buy a car and drive back. How will i get insurance for my car?

Can an insurance quote lower you credit score?

I am looking to buy a car soon ... but I am a new driver and I know my insurance will be hight ... I am planning to go insurance company to insurance company to get quotes. Does that lower my credit score?

Average ins. price for family of 4 in alabama? Is it cheaper from Florida?

Average ins. price for family of 4 in alabama? Is it cheaper from Florida?

How much would car insurance be?

I'm 17, but plan on registering and getting insurance in my name when I am 18. I'm a female, I live in Georgia and I'm just now getting my license. My car is a 96 Toyota Tercel. A piece of crap that runs, but she's my piece of crap :D help?""

Where can I get free insurance calculators and insurance compare quotes software to place in my blog/site?

Hello friends I have a wordpress blog about insurance.How can I get free insurance calculators and get insurance quote softwares to place in my blog/site.Help me friends.

What would my car insurance be?

my girlfriend needs to know how much her car insurance would be in canada ON if she didnt take drivers ed, was using her parents car and was under their insurance plan

Need Cheap Medical Health Insurance?

Hello, could anybody recommend me a site for cheap medical health insurance.I know many sites, but their offers are too expensive.""

""Changing car insurance from full coverage to liability on BMW lease, will BMW detect it?""

I just completed a lease assumption process on a BMW and they required full coverage (100/300) for my car insurance. Problem is, I have a few tickets on my record and also for some reason I require an SR22, so for full coverage insurance I am paying quite a lot. I would like to switch to liability only and just take the chance if something happens to the car (knowing I will have to pay for all damages), but I am not sure if BMW checks periodically whether or not I have the proper insurance coverage. Does anyone know if they check, and if the do check and find me with only liability, what would/could they do? Thanks in advance.""

Cars that come with cheap car insurance. Thank you?

Cars that come with cheap car insurance. Thank you?

""Would insurance be high for a 1999 VW Jetta? My first car, 16y/o girl?""

I'm looking at a 99 VW Jetta on Craigslist for $2000. Here's the exact listing: http://pittsburgh.craigslist.org/cto/3371425857.html Obviously this would be added on to my parents car insurance since I'm still a minor. I have to pay my insurance though, so how much do you think it would be?""

HEALTH INSURANCE FOR INFERITILITY?

I live in Georgia and I am trying to find some private insurance that would cover fertility testing and not treatment such as ivf OR IUI . Me and my fiance have been trying to have a baby for 3 years and i have tried everything, i finally have saved up enough money to be able to pay for private insurance can someone please tell me some health insurance company that may cover fertility testing.""

What can I do when I was caught speeding with my friend's car which doesn't have insurance?

Yesterday, I was pulled over by a cop for driving too fast. It's my friend's car, and he has not bought any insurance for the car yet. I did not know this when I was speeding. ...show more""

Auto insurance for 16 year old female? r/o/p?

I'm sixteen, will be added to my mother's insurance plan. I will be the primary driver of a 2006 prius. I have good grades, and also, there are 2 cars between my mother and I. I am also located in CT! Can anyone give me an estimate of my yearly insurance cost?""

If I get into an accident (salvage / rebuilt title) how much of my cars worth will the insurance company pay?

I have a 99 GST Turbo Convertible Eclipse Spyder that I bought a few years ago with a Rebuilt Salvage title. You would not even be able to tell that it was in an accident. It looks great. I have been putting a lot of money in the car fixing it up (making it look nice and faster) and one of my friends told me the other day that if something happened to my car I would get practically nothing since it has a Rebuilt Salvage title. Is this True? I have only had liability since I bought it and this has never came up before. So assuming that I get hit tomorrow by a car that is insured and it totals out my car, how much of my car's worth would I get? What about all the money in parts and accessories that I put into it?""

Car insurance for new driver 16 years old?

my son just got his license and he is 16 and he will be insured on a 1962 vw bug and i was wondering what the average cost would be a month for insurance and what is the best but also cheap insurance he could get help?

Who Have The Best Insurance Rates?

I Hope Im Calling It Right, I Just Got My Drivers License In August, I Dont Have A Car Yet. I Just Wanted To Know For The People Who Have Cars, What The Best Company To Get, When I Do Get A Car. People Tell Me Car Insurance Compnays Go By Age To. Im Only 21 So I Know Is Gonna Be High. But I Juat Wanna Know Whats The Best One To Get And Why For Car Insurance. Thank You To All Who Answers""

How much does the average person have in their checking account?

NOT including 401ks, etc. Just cash you can touch and spend. And how much should you have if you have like 1,000rent +utilities +car insurance +credit cards + cell phone, etc.""

Car accident and issue with the insurance company?

I was in one car accident and someone hit the back of my car and pushed me to the front car. that caused a lot damage to my car. But, the insurance company which represent the guy hit me from the back said it is my fault of causing this accident. because i emerge from the left line to the right and didn't ensure there was safe enough to do emerging. The truth is the accident happend was after almost half miniute after emerging and i completely finished the emerging action. when i explained this to the insurance company, they won't listen to me.....so is that really my fault?""

Independent young couples under 25--How much per month do you pay for all your insurance?

About how much do you pay for car/medical/dental and other insurance bills per month?

I'm pregnant. Can I use my boyfriends insurance?

I am only 6 weeks pregnant and we aren't married yet. I was wondering if there was a way I can use my boyfriends insurance (Kaiser) for doctor visits and child birth. I have heard that we may have to add me on his as a domestic partner, is this right? And does Kaiser add domestic partners on a members plan? Any advice would help.""

What is Comprehensive Car insurance and Third Party Property Damage Insurance ?

I need a brief description (that's not to complicated please:) of Comprehensive Car insurance and Third Party Property Damage Insurance :)

Is Van insurance cheaper than car insurance Eg A fiesta car or van same spec?

Is Van insurance cheaper than car insurance Eg A fiesta car or van same spec?

Do you have to have insurance for...?

I was wondering, when renting an apartment are you suppose to have insurance?""

Ok how much would car insurance cost?

I'm asking this question for my 16 year old friend Gabby her parents just bought her a BMW 328i xDrive Sedan for 37,000 so she is wondering how much insurance is going to cost because she is in the proccess of trying to convince her parents to let her pay insurance or payments shes comparing which will cost less so insurance?? how much $$""

Can a lender file a claim against your insurance company after repossession?

My car was repossessed on 9/11. I attempted to get my car back..but Wells Fargo played games..such as saying the car is on its way to the auction...no, its still there and we can't place a hold on it..it leaves for the auction in a couple of days. So, I went and got me another car. Now, today..I find out that they are filing a claim for the very day that they took the car. The claim was filed at 1:06 today. However, the car was not insured on that very date. Also, I had to sign some papers to reinstate the policy to the effect that no claims would be filed because NO accident occurred. Will the lender be able to file against my insurance policy under these circumstances?""

Do I need insurance just to keep the car?

I have a car in California, but I don't drive it right now because I moved to other state. (I asked my sister to keep it while I'm gone) But recently I received a Notice of Intent to Suspend that says DMV doesn't receive the report from the insurance company anymore, and I need to send the proof of the insurance. Do I need insurance when I don't drive my car? Please tell me! Thank you!""

Can i have both medi-cal and private insurance at the same time?

My father has me under his insurance plan and I also have medical in the state of California. My son's medical worker signed me up for medical when I became pregnant with my second child. Also, can I use medical as secondary insurance to pay the remaining balance of my hospital bill?""

Insurance for a 17 year old male for a Peugeot 205?

I'm turning 17 soon and was wondering if it would be any good to get insurance on a Peugeot 205 or would I be better off getting the classic mini rover.

Are we still to be free enough to decide we don't want health insurance?

http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/wireStory?id=4235304 Scary, no? And it was, believe it or not, worse to watch the absolute calmness in which she declared willingness to decide this type of thing for us. If I don't want health insurance, or if I have enough $$$ to pay cash up front for all my bills, I don't want someone telling me I have to spend my money on their program. It's bad enough they spend my tax money stupidly, now this? What say you all?""

How much would the insurance on this car be?

It's a 2007 Toyota solara silver with 63000 miles on it...how would full converge be per month? Just an estimate.

What is the average amount I should expect to spend when buying my motorcycle?

I want a Kawasaki Ninja 250r (new) which is about $5,000. Then I have to buy a helmet ($500), gloves, jacket, and other protective gear. Then I also have to worry about insurance and other costs that come with initially buying a vehicle. How much do you think I will need saved up in total to buy this bike (and the extra costs) by January 2010?""

What would my car insurance be?

my girlfriend needs to know how much her car insurance would be in canada ON if she didnt take drivers ed, was using her parents car and was under their insurance plan

http://www.linkedin.com/pulse/life-insurance-help-caridade-ma"