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#this show is so good... there's not a ton of whump... but there is a little!

chiisana-sukima · 16 days

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nine people i want to get to know better

Thank you for the tag, @slutsons-blog! Starting a new post because I'm autistic and therefore mostly only care about the "Current Obsession" question, and want to ramble excessively as usual in that one.

Last song: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Red Rescue Team: Pokemon Square because I'm currently playing Pokemon Mystery Dungeon with my daughter. Otherwise I honestly couldn't tell you. Whatever was on in my car.

Fave color: Purple

Currently watching: Star Trek Discovery

Last movie: Knives Out

Sweet/spicy/savory: Sweet, tart, salty

Relationship: married x 27 years

Last thing I googled: the word "dependent", for spelling assistance. which is a good thing because I spelled it "dependant".

Current Obsession: it's been spn since 2016. Truly we are the Hotel California of media franchises. I did recently play Disco Elysium twice in a row in quick succession, and I follow the DE tag. I can't recommend the game highly enough.... but I can feel my Special Interest-level obsession with it fading already. Spn has never faded even a tiny bit and I wonder if it ever will.

@slutsons-blog I feel after reading that you're watching spn for the first time, that I did you a bit of a disservice with my Sam takes to you before in that I mostly talked about Sam's evolution as a character as the show goes on and very little about him from the first five seasons.

Gotta be honest and tell you that although I liked both brothers all along, I was a Dean girl until the end of s6/beginning of s7, when the balance of who gets whumped the most started shifting and my subconscious suddenly decided to switch allegiances. It's not that I liked Dean any less; my id just loves a sopping wet pathetic kitten of a man who has been sexually abused, and Sam got suddenly way more kitteny and pathetic after the Cage. So I don't actually have a ton of takes on "what to love about Sam in the early seasons". I do love early seasons Sam too--she is my beautiful baby princess--but my early seasons takes are a lot more inchoate.

I count myself lucky about my id's sudden defection though, because I think we have limited control of who our blorbos are, and having Dean as a blorbo is a tough row to hoe as the later seasons go along. You know how you noticed that in s6, Dean suddenly gets a lot more assholey without apparent reason? Unfortunately he never gets better again, and in fact keeps getting worse and worse as the years go by, until by the last seasons he is openly far more abusive to their joint child(-in-an-adult body) than John was to him and Sam. It's a realistic picture of what can happen when trauma keeps piling up on people, but it's also honestly pretty distressing, especially if he's your blorbo.

If one is in it for the ship, there's some good destiel content in the later seasons, but if you're in it for Dean, you're left either 1) dealing with the fact he's got extremely significant interpersonal problems that he never gets much of anywhere on solving and that negatively impact his chosen family in profound ways, or 2) pretending he's the same character he was in s1 and Sam is the same Sam from s1, only more boring, and Dean is just trying to put up with him because he was brainwashed by John (or ig 3- something in the middle between those two. But that seldom seems to happen in practice for whatever reason). These two versions of the show are poorly compatible, and that's how the Sam girls and the Dean girls end up in isolated silos. A few people manage to live in both, but not many.

Anyway, I feel like without the context of how Sam and Dean change in the mid to late seasons, the two fics I recc'd as Sam character studies are going to seem insanely Dean-critical, so if you haven't read them yet, you might want to wait until s10. In the meantime, the general recs are fun reads and hopefully do a good job of showcasing both characters earlier on.

Tagging (but I would be a huge hypocrite if I didn't specify there's no pressure to respond, since I almost always fail at responding to tag games myself): @adihildilid @aliusfrater @quietwingsinthesky @sammygender @ardentpoop

@peanutbutterandbananasandwichs @schizosamwincester @normalbrothershow @jellybracelet.

#tag games

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makerofmadness · 2 months

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itai itai no SICK SICK - a Cookie Run fanfic

(I spent like two months writing this whole thing lol. If you're wondering how long this is: I hit the text block limit [it's 1,000 in one post btw] and lagged out the post editor and my phone started heating up)

Warning for Heavy Angst & Whump, Hurt/Comfort, as in "a crap ton of hurt but eventually things get better"

Inspired by the song ベノム by Kairiki Bear (title comes from the lyrics)

Starring: Alchemist Cookie ft. Vampire Cookie and others

(Note: some implied Sparkvamp. Doesn't really go any further than the games themselves, though, so I didn't think it was worth tagging as ship but thought it was worth warning for)

TW: Alcoholism (or whatever Vampire is), (Self-Inflicted) Poisoning, Self-Harm (Via Poisoning), Suicidal Themes, (Cookiefied) Hematemesis

(Please tell me if more should be added to the TW, I will update accordingly)

Cover drawn by @driftwoodmfb (background by Nou/from the song's MV) and thanks to my friend @/sleep.starvedd from discord for the writing advice for one scene. And thanks to literally all my friends who read this before it was finished (@softichill @boom-fanfic-a-latta @organichotchoco and also @cosmoknightchaos who wasn't even in this fandom) couldn't have made it without ya.

(Story under the cut. Enjoy)

Grape juice.

She couldn't escape the smell of it within her home. Every day, every time she walked anywhere except for her room/lab, and especially any time she saw her own brother.

Alchemist Cookie's existence was less happy than it would've seemed from the outside, or than she really preferred to present it to others. And it all came down to one thing:

Vampire Cookie.

Embarrassing, was it not? How much he relied on her, his little sister, to keep him healthy, to keep the house tidy, to keep him together. He didn't ever take care of her, she wondered if he'd even notice if she were to ever fall sick and need taking care of, or if he'd just be happy to have that awful nagging away from him, as if she didn't nag with a purpose.

As if he'd even have a long enough attention span to look after her.

Ugh.

She shook the thought out of her head as she sat down at the table for dinner, alone. Vampire Cookie has gone out that night- he was always either at home or at Sparkling Cookie's juice bar, it was a struggle to get him to go anywhere else. She was half-considering calling Sparkling Cookie just to beg him to send her brother home, but she knew that would be unreasonable to ask of him like that.

Sparkling Cookie was nice. She liked Sparkling Cookie. He was kind to her; he showed her how to mix drinks once and she tried to apply that skill to her alchemy sometimes. She saw him too often. She somewhat resented him too. She would've resented him more if she hadn't met him.

It wasn't fun having to be called over so often, to pick her own brother up like that, to shoulder him home as he'd confusedly ramble about this and that, as he'd seem to have forgotten who she was...

It hurt. She felt sick just thinking about it.

It'd come back to him, it always did. He promised he always forgot everything from time to time like that, the times he'd forgotten his own name still scared her, but that he'd never really forget her.

She didn't believe it. One day he wouldn't see her every day, and then he wouldn't remember her when he sobered up. One day he'd be around and she wouldn't be. His lifespan would outlast hers. That was what little she really understood of his condition. And how she resented it.

She didn't really understand her brother and how he operated. She worried for his health as he seemed to only consume grape juice some days, and seemed bored or averse of normal sustenance. She tried everything in her power to get anything good into his diet, despite his resistance.

"I don't need that stuff, sis," he'd always tell her, "all I need is grape juice. That's what keeps me going."

She couldn't help but worry for him. He never seemed to worsen despite his diet being built on what should've been unstable grounds- the opposite was the case, actually: he was considered quite the strong and ethereally handsome Cookie by most. He was popular, he had many treasures, and nothing ever seemed to get to him. Everything was well with his life. "Cheers to a wonderful life!" He'd say sometimes.

Was she an afterthought, or did he just not see her distress?

As a Cookie, he was many things: Carelessfree. Unaffected by her pain. An immortal being who would outlive her.

Who would take care of him after that?

She had only ever talked about this to him once. And he told her she was "too young to start thinking about mortality." She was still what would be considered too young for that. But how could she not? Life was at alchemy's center, and her brother was an immortal vampire who would definitely outlive her.

And yet here she was, still trying to make him eat his vegetables because it was 'good for him' or make him go to check-ups with Dr. Bones Cookie because he was too lazy to bother going out that far for something without a promise of juice. He didn't need any of this. She really did know it deep down. But she kept doing it anyway.

She would never dare say it, but maybe deep down she just wanted to pretend he was normal.

...Her brother probably would've crumbled from juice overdose by now if he had been normal.

From that poison he sustained himself on.

But the alternative would've been...

She picked at her plate, having lost her appetite suddenly. She much preferred devoting as much time and energy as possible to shutting herself away in her lab, away from her brother and the grape juice smell that came off of his very dough, and endlessly researching and experimenting until he found his way in somehow and made her stop pushing herself so hard. Her life's work had been researching Life Potions. Her Life's work had been to extend her own lifespan

She got up from the table, leaving her plate untouched. Perhaps Vampire Cookie would just eat it for her. She knew he wouldn't bother. He didn't typically bother with normal Cookie meals, when he did it was either to please her, to participate with a group, to look normal at events, or for the flavor. He wouldn't be eating a random salad by himself.

...she decided to go over to the phone and make a call. To a number she had to have memorized by now:

"...hello? Sparkling Cookie? Yes, it's Alchemist Cookie, I was just wondering if my brother is going to come home soon... ... ...A party, huh? Well... Whatever. Just- If you don't mind me asking, could you, uh... cut him off sooner rather than later tonight...? I'm just- you see, I might be busy tonight, so I'd prefer it if he could come home by himself tonight, safely... ... ...Thank you. I knew you'd understand. Have a nice night."

She put the phone back on the wall and began walking away, but felt... hollow.

Of course he'd have gone to a party without telling her anything. It wasn't as if she'd be worried sick if he came home late...

Maybe he'd come home sooner if he couldn't have more, though...

Whatever. It didn't matter. He always had more lying around, anyway. In the cellar, or in his room, or in the kitchen, or wherever he could store it. He'd even tried to use her vials, more than once...

And then he'd just lie around and do nothing with her. They never really spent time together, it felt. Sometimes they'd go out and do things, social events and the like, but she craved something personal. Meaningful.

For their entire existence, had they ever really just hung out? One time, she had done a favor for Cherry Cookie, and said cookie had talked all about her plans that day with her sister, Cherry Blossom Cookie. Those two had been planning to go on a picnic together that day. And hearing about those plans, all Alchemist Cookie had thought was: Why didn't MY sibling do that with me...?

She sat down on the couch- and looking at the furniture she started to feel ashamed for not being happy. While she had specifically made sure that their home looked normal enough, it very obviously showed through that they had... more than average to spend, with how nice everything looked, shining and sparkling even within the dim lighting of most rooms.

She didn't know where he got it all from.

He didn't have to work, and she was more interested in her passions, and her working options were limited at her age anyway. No one made any money, really-

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the front door opening, and a voice shouting for her:

"ALCHEMIST COOKIE~!!"

Before she even had the opportunity to say a word or leave the room, a certain fanged Cookie slumped in. She could smell the grape juice saturating his dough. She suppressed a gag. That smell had gotten stronger than usual. She could even see a stain on his coat.

...she wasn't surprised.

"So- *hiccup* 'scuse me-" he plopped himself down next to her, while she just tried to stare off onto space. She had better things to occupy her mind with, things that her brother wasn't interested in in the slightest except for maybe that one time. She'd just escape into her mind while her body would stand in until he either had his fill of rambling to her about 'the wonders of taking breaks' or-

"Sparkling Cookie said you called him, eh...?"

Her jam ran cold. Even though he had no anger in his voice.

"..." she avoided looking at him, knowing that the best she could really say was the truth, "I-I just- you see... I was going to go work in my lab, but I... wasn't expecting you to be home this soon-"

"I mean, duh. No juice, no Vampire Cookie."

He didn't even stick around just to talk to his friends...?

"But, why's that the issue...?"

"..." Was he really that oblivious? "If you had too much, I would have to help you come home... but if I'm working, then I won't be at the phone, so I won't even know-"

"Oh, I see: You're worried about me, aren't ya?"

She was torn between two responses: 'Yes. All the time. Every day. And I don't know how much longer I can take it for.' And 'Worried that you'll try to come home yourself anyway and end up in some stupid or dangerous or stupidly dangerous situation, yes.'

Both went unsaid. Instead, just:

"Yes."

"Awww, you know what I always tell you, sis..."

Vampire Cookie leaned into his sister, affectionately wrapping an arm around her and pulling her closer to him. The warmth and love of a familial embrace could no longer reach her.

"Don't worry about everything so much! It'd do you wonders to-"

"How can I not?? I never asked to have to look after my big brother, just because HE can't put down the STUPID JUICE GLASS-"

She immediately slapped her hand over her mouth. That wasn't supposed to come out.

"..."

"...I-I'm going to my lab."

She got up with her brother's arm giving away from her surprisingly easily, given that he was usually slightly stronger than average, and walked away without looking back.

She didn't even see the look on his face. But she could care less.

Alchemist Cookie just walked away, practically without thought, her legs carrying her all the way to the door to her lab. As she entered and shut it behind her, however, she suddenly lost her will to carry on.

...

Oh. Her eyes had sprung a leak. Embarrassing.

Alone, nothing and no one to grant her solace, something dark within her mind that had been brewing for a long time began to concoct an idea out of festered, fermented emotions:

If he was going to nourish himself on poison every day, she thought:

Two could play at that game.

It took about a week to gather the ingredients. In that time, somewhere deep down, she had been hoping that something would happen to change her mind. It was a decent amount of time, she thought, looking at the grand scheme of her pathetically short existence.

But nothing did. In fact, she only had her current thoughts affirmed.

Not by any change, but by a lack thereof: by stagnation.

By that stagnant grape juice her life had been drowned by.

She couldn't even really focus on or enjoy her work anymore because whenever she tried to get 'in the zone,' her thoughts would always go back to her brother.

One day, which she had spent almost entirely in her lab, her brother came home from the bar- not by himself, but being shouldered by his acquaintance Cinnamon Cookie- who interrupted her planning just to inform her that her brother was home. The nerve of that Cookie. (...she had to have gotten a call, right? She didn't leave her lab the whole day, so...)

"*sigh* How much did Vampire Cookie drink...?"

"...uh- N-nobody knows..."

"...ugh. Whatever."

No one ever kept track.

Days went by and her brother was none-the-wiser to what she was planning. Despite all the time he spent at home...

She had a hard time keeping him out of her room, though. She couldn't lock the door to her lab, so he'd always get in. But her reagent-gathering was sporadic and unplanned, she had nothing written down...

Then came the day she finally decided that she was ready.

This would be the perfect concoction. Acridly flavored. She was turning it into an experimental melting pot, a pot of completely random reagents. Not really. She was very much aiming for the most toxic ingredients she had as she grabbed them from around the room. With the test subject being herself.

By the end, once she'd had enough of tossing things in the pot, she watched the final color end up as a vivid pink. The mixture had bubbled and fizzed during the mixing process, but now it was... completely still.

Deathly still.

It was almost tranquil, the way it sat. She stared at it for a moment, before scooping some of it into an empty flask she had laying around.

She swished it around a little, staring blankly. Nothing changed about it.

Whatever this nocuous cocktail would do, it wouldn't be anything good for her...

She knew this would be it. This would show him. He'd finally understand. This would teach him a lesson.

She wanted to -------

She slowly took the flask up to her lips.

Bottoms up.

Immediately she felt it burn as it rushed down her throat.

It hurt. It tasted foul. She made sure to get down every last drop, swallowing a steady stream of death-

Something inside her told her to spit it out. But she was set, she refused to go back: She would show him.

Once she'd gulped it all down, she put the flask down on her work table. Already she could feel the effects: A stomachache was setting in, she felt incredibly nauseous and dizzy, a pain began to burn her chest from the inside, her eyes began to spill water and something buried within her once-logical mind was still yelling at her SPIT IT OUT-

But she couldn't. It was far too late for that.

There was no going back.

~~~

She staggered out of her room with an aching sensation filling every inch of her dough. Her head especially was beginning to throb with pain- but really, her entire body was in general agony.

Her head was spinning, to the point she was starting to see double, and this combined with the sudden shortness of her breath that she couldn't tell if it was just her panicking or if it had been yet another effect of her concoction made walking to the living room take...

She didn't know how long.

The numbers on the clock, she couldn't read them anymore. She couldn't recognize them. She couldn't process any of them.

Her head hurt even more trying to do so.

But she eventually found her way in, and, after further difficulty bumping into the furniture, finally managed to sit herself down.

She lay back on the sofa, but even cessation of action did nothing to make breathing an easier task. She could feel her heart beating in her head chest. It was speaking over her reason. Shouting over it.

'Why even bother sitting out here? You know he's not going to notice. Even if he does, he won't be concerned. Get to work; Be productive with your time at least...'

She shook any thought from her mind the moment her brother came into the room. She felt too weak to even spend the energy talking to him, she wasn't even sure if she would be able to get a coherent word out anyway, but surely he'd at least ask how she was doing. And then when she didn't answer, he'd look at her, and then he'd notice something was wrong-

But he just walked on by.

He said something, but she couldn't focus on the words. And it didn't change the fact that he just left the room anyway.

(Maybe it sounded like "Love ya, sis" but she couldn't tell. She wouldn't have believed it, anyway.)

That woefully familiar miasma of grape juice hit her senses, worsening that already overwhelming nausea of hers. Stronger than ever. Or was it the same as usual...? Everything just felt worse like this...

'...what a joke. He just walked right past you. He probably didn't even realize you're here. He probably forgot you again.'

The leaks were back, gushing, overflowing- and she didn't have the energy to fix them. Agonizing all alone, with this toxin eating away at her system...

If it didn't crumble her tonight, she'd try again tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after that. And over and over again until he finally noticed that something was wrong...

She slept unrestfully that night, and even though the effects of the concoction had mostly subsided by the afternoon when she woke up, she still felt tired.

She planned her routine out from there: Every day, once she woke up (frustratingly, it was already difficult to keep to her usual schedule), she would immediately take a drink of the poison before she even went to eat breakfast. She'd then just let the day play out as she rapidly grew ill, and see if her brother ever asked about her health.

He didn't ask her. One day, two days, three days- she seldom spoke to him, as he'd be either in his room lazing around or indulging in the one thing he cared about in the world, or at Sparkling Cookie's- and she was just exuberant to see the look on his and Vampire Cookie's faces the inevitable day she'd come in to do her usual 'nag-and-drag' routine and at best not even have the physical strength to get her brother off the floor and at worst-

'You could crumble right in front of him and he wouldn't say a thing. He doesn't care about you. He's NEVER cared about you.'

She didn't care anymore. That night, though- her brother staggered home with his arm over another Cookie's shoulder again. This time, however, it was Sparkling Cookie himself who accompanied the drunken Cookie through the door.

She didn't know this until the two of them walked into the living room, where she was leaning over the left side of the couch trying not to pass out from exhaustion.

"Oh. Well, hello there, Alchemist Cookie!" Sparkling Cookie smiled at her with a warmth that she couldn't feel.

"He-ey, lil sis! *hic*" Vampire Cookie gave a loose, lazy wave. "How ya doin???"

Alchemist Cookie didn't want to speak to either of them. Tiredness was the bulk of the reason, she really hadn't vocalized much at all in the past few days since her experiment had begun, but really what could she have said to either of these Cookies?

Sparkling Cookie. The Cookie that ran the juice bar. The Cookie that called her on the phone at bare minimum three times per week just to pick her brother up from said juice bar. The Cookie who did nothing but serve that disgusting, baneful juice.

She really resented Sparkling Cookie.

And her brother...

Immediately flopped himself next to her, as close as possible, forcing her to take in that grossly prominent grape juice smell, as if it weren't hard enough to breathe already. And lovingly, he started clinging to her side by the arm, practically leaning all of his weight into her as if he hadn't been a heavy enough burden-

His body was as cold as always. She knew to expect that from him. She was always prepared to feel that. And normally the physical cold was easy to ignore thanks to the emotional warmth. But she just couldn't feel that anymore...

She was so, so cold.

"Alchemist Cookie? You're shivering... are you alright?" Sparkling Cookie looked at her carefully and with concern, coming closer to her. She couldn't get up. "You look... unwell..."

...

She tried to say something, but all she could get out were wheezing breaths and a hacking cough she couldn't cover up.

Sparkling Cookie put his hand to her forehead. She didn't have the energy to get it away.

"Hmmm... you're not burning up, but you sure look sick. And you sound sick, too..."

"Yeeeeaaaahhhh... ya look kinda funny..."

Her brother's face was practically pressed into hers as his spacey eyes made direct contact with hersand she hoped he would notice how they had dulled to lifelessness by now as she turned her head too, and even just that caused her a splitting headache that she did her best to ignore because she wasn't going to let Sparkling Cookie see that.

"...eh, doesn't look like much. Looks like Alchemist Cookie like always. *hiccup* You're fiiiiiiine~ It's whateeeeeeever~"

He didn't notice. He didn't care.

Sparkling Cookie sighed and pried Vampire Cookie from her, gently but still causing her pain yet again. Vampire Cookie just leaned to the other side of the couch, oblivious just as he always was.

"Don't be a buzzkill, Sparkling Cookie!! *hiccup* I was all nice and comfy right there... Can't a Cookie just give his lil sis a hug in peace?? What's this world come to... *sigh*"

The look on Sparkling Cookie's face seemed disappointed but unsurprised before his attention shifted back to Alchemist Cookie:

"Thank goodness it was a slow day at the bar tonight. There's no way Vampire Cookie would be able to take care of you like this..."

If he was implying what she thought he was implying, then she wished she could just get up and run away, but she knew the air would leave her faster than it could get to her.

She didn't want him hanging around her house. Her brother had enough access to grape juice already. She wasn't going to let him have the idea of bringing bar nights into their house. She already couldn't escape them normally.

She just barely scraped together enough energy to shake her head, weakly. She tried to get up, now that her brother was off of her and couldn't weigh her down.

The dizziness set in immediately as she could barely find balance in her feet, waving her arms around trying to find a support-

Sparkling Cookie's hands approached to help stabilize her, but she slapped them away before they could make contact. Purposefully.

"A-Alchemist Cookie, let me help you to your room, please. You're clearly too weak to stand on your own..."

As she tottered towards the wall to lean against it, she glared back at him and tried to mouth her answer:

I want you gone.

She knew he could lip-read decently enough. She knew the way she mouthed it was obvious enough.

She didn't care.

She saw his feelings on his face. In his eyes. The shock, confusion, worry. Hurt. She didn't feel bad. Not for the barkeep that drove her and her brother only further apart. Maybe a little, for the mixologist that'd always bring out some set of old alchemy textbooks from the back when she needed to hang around, that she'd practically had memorized from the amount of times she'd read them all front to back. She turned away before staggering over to the hallway.

"G'nighty night, sis~, don't *hic* don't let the... what's the sayin again? Whatever, sweet dreams..."

She turned in early that night. She didn't have anything better to do anyway. She couldn't do anything else like this. She couldn't do alchemy anymore. But she didn't care.

She was beginning to accept the struggle to sit up or even just to open her eyes in the morning, the way her vision would still be so blurry and unfocused even after putting her glasses on that she wasn't certain they were even on her face, the lingering aches and pains that hung over every moment...

"...Alchemist Cookie...? Alchemist Cookie!"

This wasn't part of the routine.

She had been sitting there at the edge of her bed for who-knows-how-long likely a minute before she realized a voice she knew all too well was inside her room.

Vampire Cookie.

She looked over to see him leaning with his back to the side of her cauldron pot, holding one of her vials.

She just barely mustered the words with airy breaths in-between: "Wh-what are... you doing... up... this ear...ly!?"

"Uhhh... first of all, it's 4 in the afternoon." He walked to her as she sulked in place without energy to move. "Second of all, Sparkling Cookie told me that last night, he noticed you were feeling... more than a little under-the-weather. So I came in here to check on you, and I saw... whatever that is."

He pointed over to the cauldron. Her heart skipped a beat.

"Well, I looked at it and thought that maybe you'd finally made more of that wonderful pink juice that you'd kept insisting was 'just an accident' and 'you didn't have the recipe for.' So, I couldn't help but have a little drink..."

Ah, yes, the 'Pink Juice Incident.' The one that had dyed most of the kingdom pink with love. She had been so confused that night when both her brother and Sparkling Cookie came and started thanking her profusely for "that delicious rosé juice" and "the boost in business for the day." That was the first time Sparkling Cookie had ever been over at their home. (And she wished the two of them could've been a little less... excessively romantic.)

...but her brother had been so sweet that night. When he wasn't rambling on and on about how debonair Sparkling Cookie looked in pink, he was giving her a pat on the head or saying about five times total "cheers to my brilliant sister and her alchemy!" despite no one else raising a glass with him, and she'd felt all warm and fuzzy on the inside...

It almost made her wish, in some deep selfish recess of her mind, that she could make it again. Just so he would praise her some more. She craved that validation.

...but she couldn't. And even if she could, she wouldn't. She couldn't poison him like that just for her own needs.

Wait...

He drank the poison...? He drank her concoction!?

The look on his face changed from pleasant reminiscence to light disgust.

"But that stuff tastes awful...! What did you even put in there?"

...of course he wouldn't be affected. Her potions never worked on him. Even when she wanted them to.The 'Pink Juice' affecting him was only a result of how haphazard that entire concoction had been.

She had once sought out to transmute her brother alchemically, to create some kind of potion that could eliminate that listless juice addiction of his. And yet none of them ever worked on anything but a normal Cookie.

There was that one time his personality seemingly inverted out of nowhere, where he started dressing and acting like her for a few days and even researching alchemy (...seemingly), that she never got an explanation for, until she came up with a potion to put him back to normal...

No. She knew her potions wouldn't have suddenly started working on him. She made all her concoctions with the reference of how to affect a normal Cookie, all the way down to composition. He wasn't normal. She had a whole pile of failed attempts at a working Flavor Reversal Potion by the end of her prior experiments in futility, after all. And she used them as the basis for the cure.

...in which case, she certainly couldn't have 'fixed him' by the end of it when he encroached on her field, so how did he return to normal...?

...

Had he really just been messing with her the whole time...?

She'd somewhat started to appreciate him more after that incident. At least, she realized her problem with him was less about him and more...

Whatever. She didn't care anymore. "No juice, no Vampire Cookie," in his own words.

She tried to get up to her feet- and immediately she envied her brother's ability to levitate as the pain shot up through her legs.

"OW!!"

"Alchemist Cookie??"

"You... you drank my... my poi- my potion...!?"

"Yeah. So?"

"...grrrr..." she didn't look at him, but felt a sudden burst of... not as much as strength as it was anger,and yet it still wasn't enough to give her hands the strength for fists, "why... why can't you... why can't you just control yourself for once!?"

It could hardly be called a shout, but she couldn't do that anymore.

But she could spit venom just fine.

"...sis, what do you-"

"It's always drink this, drink that...!! All for you, you, YOU...!!!" She pushed him to the side and dragged her legs over to her prized pot. Looking into it, it didn't seem to have had much taken out of it, and yet she still felt furious that he had taken what was hers. As she turned back around and made sure to make direct eye contact, further infuriated by the confusion that met her, she put on a sarcastic tone and gestured sloppily as she mimicked her brother's voice: "Can't you make some juice with your alchemy?' this and 'Can you stop bothering me about alchemy when I'm trying to enjoy my juice?" that *pant*... and then you have the gall, to come into my room, and try to just drink anything that wasn't meant for you... and when it's not that, you're looking through my research notes, to see if they have anything about juice... because THAT'S ALL YOU EVER CARE ABOUT-"

Unable to keep up with her own shouting, she suddenly entered a violent coughing fit. She couldn't breathe. Vampire Cookie looked a mix of horrified and... mortified.

She had to support herself on the side of the cauldron to prevent herself from keeling over, with how light-headed she was getting. She'd started spitting venom, but she felt as if she were going to start spitting jam.

As soon as she could get a breath back in, as she saw that fanged Cookie take just a few quivering steps toward her with a face of remorseful shock, she shot a glare in his direction and finally gasped out:

"Why, does everything, have to be, about you...!? You... about your juice... is that... all I'm good for, to you...? Making juice, for you...? Taking care, of you...?? Catering, to you...!?!"

"..." Her brother stood frozen by her cold words. "...A-Alchemist Cookie, you know that's not true, you're not-"

"It's always, juice for you, juice for you..." As she gazed fondly into the contents of the cauldron, her mouth formed a twisted, broken facade of a smile: "But this, is for ME... this... makes me... feel better..."

It was funny to her, almost. The purpose of this entire experiment had once been to make her brother see what he was doing to her himself. Nourishing himself on that poison of his every day.

That crimson venom dripping from his fangs as he bit into her life.

But she didn't care anymore. She wasn't doing this for him anymore.

She had long lost her original intent.

But really, her intentions now had always been there, lurking deep down within the darkest crevices of her mind. Just waiting to bubble to the surface.

Her routine poisonings had begun to feel almost comforting to her, in some form. Because at the very least, it was something she had control over. She could control her own degradation except she knew it was progressing at an uncontrolled rate. She was doing this to herself. No one else was. She took a sense of pride in that, a sense of power, a sense of control.

Control. She needed control. She couldn't control her own mortality, she couldn't control her brother and his behavior. This pernicious potion was the only way to control anything, she thought...

So what if her health was deteriorating? She had every right to make it deteriorate.

This wasn't right

"(Feel better...?) Is it... a cure or something...?"

The inquiry snapped her out of her blissful thought, but she didn't look at him. She just thought:

He was right about that one thing: That this was, to her, more nostrum than noxious in the grand scheme of things.

She'd prescribed it herself to her own heart, the one true remedy for its malaise: Her own personal, hand-crafted, home-brewed panacea.

This would make everything better.

And so, she answered accordingly:

"Yes..."

"(...well, guess I shouldn't be surprised about medicine tasting bad...) Sis... I-"

"Sh-Shut up..."

Her head snapped to look at him and it hurt so much to make such a sudden movement, and she ignored the guilt that had been shining in his eyes and glared as she panted out:

"Get out... of my room... I'm done, talking... and, give me back, my vial, now...! *gasp* And then get out...!!"

She held out her hand. She would've pointed to the door with the other if she could trust her legs to keep themselves standing on their own, without propping herself up still. Vampire Cookie looked at her dejectedly before making his way toward the door, handing her the vial as he walked past but otherwise not stopping to look back...

Until he was at the door.

Just before he left through it, just before he could give her privacy, he looked back at her and said:

"...Could... could you at least... air out the room a little...? I-I just noticed that it's a little... I don't know, mephitic in here...? And you know I'll be able to smell this from-"

"Out...!!

"(...I-I'm sorry...)"

He shut the door, leaving her alone to her own devices in her ill-lit, shadow-casted room where the curtains hadn't been touched in days. She sighed.

'Finally. Almost thought he'd never go away...'

Now there was nothing keeping her from her precious elixir of death life... so-to-speak.

She didn't want to miss a dose. She rationalized it in her head, one should never skip even just a day's dose of their medication, after all. It just wasn't healthy...

She was really becoming an addict of her own. Addicted to her own misery. Pushing away, hitting away even the very idea of relief. She didn't even do anything of worth anymore, passing through life devoid of passion, of her passion- once she had dreamed of making great discoveries, but now what knowledge could be held in a mind too tired to think...? She reminded herself so much of her brother: Drinking, doing nothing, and decaying in her room; Dozing off in dreamless sleep and waiting for her doom; Hardly ever leaving, barely living in this tomb.

What a miserable creature she was. Maybe she deserved this anyway.

Bottoms up.

Over the next few days, she'd stopped keeping at some point. Of how long it had been since she'd started her slow march toward the end experiment. The days were all congealing into a mass of constant fatigue languor, not helped by her now inconsistent sleep schedule... most of her schedule was 'sleep' now, really, or a state between sleep and awake that she couldn't tell the difference between anymore because she just couldn't do anything else and even thinking was becoming too much of an energy sink sometimes.

She didn't even really have the energy to make her meals anymore. Sometimes she was too queasy to stomach anything. Sometimes she struggled to leave her room in the first place. The times she had done so, when the hunger got too much to bear, she'd noticed that her brother had started waiting around the kitchen more. Sitting at the table sometimes, trying to coax her into joining. "Are you going to keep me waiting for lunch?" or "Don't you think a sandwich would be nice right about now...?" ...he wasn't very subtle.

...one time he got desperate enough to try cooking something. It wasn't very good, he really had no idea how to prepare a salad if burning it was ever a possibility and especially in the way he did it, but...

The only thing she could easily put down was that burning potion of hers. But she was finding the simple act of swallowing to become more and more difficult thanks to the sheer pain of everything in her body.

And it was just another late afternoon, who-knows-how-long after this had all began, after her heart had crumbled and fallen apart, and she was about to take her potion again. Up to her mouth, running down her throat...

But she had to spit it out halfway through because she couldn't swallow it.

"ACK!!"

Something was wrong. More wrong than ever before.

It hurt.

She'd never felt more SICK.

She started coughing, forcefully, oxygen making its escape. Her body was trying to expel something.There was something in her that needed to get out.

And it came out.

Onto the floor and her hands as she dropped her flask, causing it to shatter there with the mess of...

Strawberry jam.

Nausea, pain, vertigo- everything was making her head spin, the room was spinning all around her, her vision was doubling, tripling in an instant and she could hardly keep her balance on her feet, her head was growing light and yet it was still heavy with soreness, everything was in pain-

She fell over onto her back. The lights above her looked all the brighter and stung her eyes. She could hardly keep them open; she didn't want to. She was beginning to fade in and out of conscious, anyway. Her consciousness was beginning to fade in and out of being, anyway.

This was it. The culmination of her experiment: A date alone with death, with toxins flowing through her.

Her crumbled body would lie alone within her room, not to be found for days. Weeks. Months. YEARS.

...

She was full of fear.

Those leaky eyes of her wouldn't stop, not when this wasn't what she had really wanted, deep down in the crumbled pieces of her heart, though she had long stopped admitting it to herself.

The one thing she'd wanted, needed, was...

Something she'd never get to see herself have, if she were to crumble now.

But she had no way to control the outcome of this. She never had. That cocktail of death had been dooming her every day she drank it. There was no going back.

'This is goodbye...'

~~~

"...Al...mi...C..ki....?...

(Why did this have to be such a slow process...? Why hadn't she crumbled yet? Was there something keeping her alive, some force of will? Was that really powerful enough to keep her from the brink...?)

(...she didn't want to crumble, but she had gone too far to save herself. And no one else was there to save her. Now she was stuck in a slow atrophy from the inside-out.

She could feel her insides crumbling.

Jam and leftover poison still oozed from her mouth, dripping down her face- and within her mouth just tasted so odiously foul and yet she couldn't spit any of it out. Her eyes could hardly keep open. She was just about to let them close, finally, to plug up that incessant leakage, even if she feared she may never open them again...)

"ALCHEMIST COOKIE?!!"

(Wait...)

(There was a voice, and footsteps that, even with the ringing in her ears, were close enough to make out, and they sounded far too fast for any normal Cookie to be running at...

She knew a Cookie who wasn't normal.

"Alchemist Cookie!? ALCHEMIST COOKIE!!!! WAKE UP, PLEASE!!!!!!!"

She just barely opened her eyes again as the ringing cleared to find the face of a Cookie staring down at her, that had gotten down next to her on the floor, that, even though her vision was blurry, she could make out had crimson hair and deep purple eyes...

Vampire Cookie...?

"Alchemist Cookie!?!?! What on Earthbread happened to you...!?!"

(He... found her. He actually found her. That shouldn't have happened, and yet...)

"..." She was scared to even try speaking. It'd be a waste of what little breath she had, anyway. It wasn't as if he'd ever listen to her, right?

...could she even speak? Could she even breathe? Was she even still...

No. No, the agony was undeniable. It said everything without words. Even if her body had broken down, even if it wouldn't work as she wished, she was very much still in it.

"...N-nevermind, you can tell me later. J-just- just relax, okay?? Just stay... calm..."

He got up and ran away- and while she couldn't get up to watch him leave, she was already feeling no less than sheer despondency. It wasn't disappointment, no- that would imply she had expected better of him, that she had had any hope left in her that he wouldn't just tell her to 'chill out' like he always did and then abandon her there to break down in desolation-

She never heard the door close.

She was ready to let the darkness take over her field of view again. She didn't hear the footsteps returning...

But she heard the sound of wings flapping towards her.

Looking as far towards the door as she could in her position, with her blurring vision she could make out some small, round blob of red flying in through the door and stopping right beside her- and in a sudden 'poof' of smoke, what was left was the taller figure of her big brother.

He came back

"Help is on the way, sis...! We just have to... wait right here, not move... and I'll be right by your side, I promise..."

(...oh. She didn't have a phone in her room, did she...? He had... called for help...?)

He knelt down next to her and rested his hand on her forehead. Cold to the touch, as always. But something about it was... soothing, to the slightest extent. Maybe it was because of how much she had been burning up on the inside. Maybe it was just the feeling of care that she felt within those eyes that were finally looking at her with clarity.

(...just for once, she felt grateful she didn't have a lock on her door. That she hadn't been able to shut him out. Just this once. Otherwise, she would have...)

"...Alchemist Cookie... what even happened to you, sis...? D-did the medicine you make not work? (I should've known it wasn't working, why didn't I...) What kind of sickness do you even have??"

"..." She didn't know whether or not to tell him what she had really been doing at this point. Two parts of her were conflicting, fighting for dominance over her crumbled heart: One of them held her original intentions, the other held those that had been more latent. Neither of them really felt like 'her.'

"...you know what, I'll just... leave that to Dr. Bones Cookie to figure out. That's their problem, not yours. You probably... don't even know, do you...?"

She did know. She knew what she was sick with.

She knew what made her sick.

She would've been able to tell him right now, in perfect detail, if she could just speak, she thought.

(Wait... who did he say...? She had to have misheard that, he was way too lazy to go through that much trouble...)

"(...that look in your eyes...)" He sounded confused and... guilty. Since when did he feel guilty...? (...there was that one time...) "But..."

She couldn't tell if he was shocked or in shock, but whatever it was, it left him silent for a few seconds before he said, with an uncharacteristically perturbed voice:

"A-anyway, I'm just... lucky I could smell... all of this from my room, otherwise, uh... (Heh, maybe it's a good thing you didn't open the window when I asked you to, right...? Haha...)"

(Sometimes she forgot how good his senses were... when they weren't being fogged by his favorite intoxicant. Actually, maybe that was why she had forgotten: Because they were always too numbed to function to the fullest...)

...the one thing she could clearly see was the discomfort he was trying and failing to hide, trying to keep his eyes on her and away from the red, sticky, sweet substance spread on the floor...

Unfortunately, it was also on her- splattered on her dress and body, seeping into the undersides from where she had fallen into this red, disgusting mess, and there was still some left over around her mouth that she was unable to wipe off.

She knew her brother could sometimes get a little squeamish- it only ever showed, really, when he was 'low on juice,' though. He didn't have the capacity for any such feeling otherwise, she thought.

...he did tend to drink more after physical exertion, though...

She saw a mild burgundy glow coming from where she knew his eyes to be

"I'm... starting to wish I didn't take Sparkling Cookie's advice right about now..." His stomach growled like some kind of animal. What did he mean by that...? "Uh... (good thing I don't like jam as much as juice, otherwise I would've... n-no, no need to think about that...) Rushing around sure works up a thirst, huh? Let's just, hope they... get here, in time..."

("like jam")

(...the alternative...)

...

Seconds passed, maybe a minute, and the two of them just stayed together in silence. It felt like an eternity. What was taking so long...?

...

Alchemist Cookie's body was so ridden with toxin at this point, she didn't know if she even had enough time to wait for them. It was so unfair. Why did she have to change her mind? Why did she have to feel so conflicted? She didn't understand herself. She didn't understand anything.

...

"...V...Vam...pire... C-C-Coo...kie...?"

The words fought to escape her throat. Vampire Cookie immediately snapped to full focus:

"Wh-What is it, sis...??"

"...A...am, I... g...gon-gonna..."

She gasped for air as she tried to communicate. It was taking so much of her breath. She hadn't spoken in so long, too, that she wondered if her difficulty forming the words was because of her fatigued and deteriorating condition or if she just didn't know how to anymore, if that were even possible.

But with her brother's full concern attention, she choked out the final words as those annoying leaks in her eyes outflowed, for what she knew could be the final time they ever would:

"...crum...ble...?"

Why was she even asking him this?

Why was she even asking him this...?

..why did she want to hear what he had to say...? To a question that was surely unanswerable for him?

...

Was it just to see how he'd react...?

(...just to see if he'd react...?)

His eyes widened as soon as the words escaped her mouth.

"N-NO, NO!!! I-I mean, no!! Don't- That'll never happen, I won't let it...!" She could just make out the white of his fangs... as he was giving her some attempt at a comforting smile, even if she could tell despite the fading of her sight that it was faltering. "Don't even think about that, sis!! J-j-just- just relax, like I said, and everything will be fine... you hear me? You'll be fine, you'll be a-okay, please, I- I won't let anything happen to you, just... just hang in there, I... I..."

She felt a few drops of something slowly drip onto her face. That facsimile smile came to grief.

"...I-I don't know, if I can do anything... Please, just, hang on... I can't lose you, sis..."

He was...

He was crying.

His voice was breaking up as he desperately sobbed out his pleas: "D-don't make me lose you like this, sis, not like this, not this early... p-p-please, you have to hang on, just hang on... you- you know I really- you know I love you, y'know..."

I love you

Hearing those words, she finally felt a wave of peace wash over her, gently lighting up the darkness that had veiled her world of hurt all this time.

All this time, those were the words she had been crumbling to hear. The words she had wanted, needed to hear.

The words her body was currently breaking down over.

She was beginning to wonder if it really had to come to this just to hear them.

The exhaustion had finally worn down on her too far to persevere. Her muddied eyes so dull and lifeless were coming to a close.

"A-Alchemist Cookie!?!?!?! N-No, stay with me, STAY WITH ME!!!! ALCHEMIST COOKIE!!!!!"

Her hearing was fading away, and the last thing she heard was:

"...I need to go make another call, or three..."

"...when is she going to wake up?? IS she going to wake up!?!"

"S-slow down, slow down!! I'm doing everything I can!!"

Alchemist Cookie's eyes just barely cracked open. It was so... bright.

Was she...?

...she was lying in a bed, under the covers- she could recognize that feeling. She wasn't wearing her usual clothes, either- she couldn't feel those. And the smell of the room was very... antiseptic. And... like ice cream...?

She was still in pain, she was still sick, but it felt... less so than before.

(...she could hear a beeping sound...)

Her head felt lighter, but not light-headed. More so, as if a weight had been taken off...

Her hat was gone.

She was...

...finally beginning to see clearly...

It was so brightly lit, the entire room. Bright and clean, white and lighter blues all over the room...

After a few blinks, she began to make out her surroundings in more detail: There was a sink in one corner, a chair and a table in the other. Looking down without moving her head she saw she was... definitely in a bed, just as she'd felt. With calming blue covers pulled up to her waist.

...She was wearing some kind of pale blue outfit with darker dots. She couldn't feel much covering her arms beyond the shoulders.

Finally budging her head just slightly to the left, ignoring the aching that still followed her head's movement (yet it still somehow still felt less than how much it had hurt to move before), she saw her arm lying out to the side, and...

There was... an IV tube, hooked up to...

Some kind of... heart-shaped plastic bag...? A bag full of... red, on some kind of white and cyan-striped stand, hooked on by... bones?

She heard the beeping coming from next to the head of her bed, out of her field of view, but she could tell what it sounded like. (She wasn't sure if it sounded... right or not... She wouldn't be surprised.)

There was only one place this could be:

Dr. Bones Cookie's clinic... which was more like a fun-sized hospital, really. It was located at the opposite corner of the kingdom as her and her brother's home (Dr. Bones Cookie had expressed their wishes to have it built more toward the center of the kingdom when they moved in, but there wasn't any room.)

And looking to her right, she saw her brother and the doctor themself chatting away... closer to 'frantic bickering' than 'chatting.'

"C'mon, Doc, just tell me she's going to be okay, tell me she'll wake up-"

"H-hold on!! I'm a doctor, not a miracle-worker! And, to be frank, a miracle's the exact kind of thing we need right now..."

They looked down at their clipboard as her brother crossed his arms, seeming uncharacteristically on-edge. The doctor looked over in her direction, and...

"...Oh, my. Well, we officially have a miracle on our hands...!"

Vampire Cookie turned over towards her, locking eyes with her, and gasped.

Alchemist Cookie could immediately see her brother's dark eyes light up with emotion like a moonlit night sky through a window, despite the bags under his eyes that she never would have imagined him with (at least his eyes were their normal hue). His mouth grew into a smile so visibly brimming with... elation and relief. He didn't seem to be able to hold back:

"ALCHEMIST COOKIE!!!"

Vampire Cookie transformed in a poof and flew right at her, rattling the poor doctor's bones.

"C-CAREFUL!!" Dr. Bones Cookie cried. "Bats are known for spreading diseases, you know...!!"

Her brother ignored them and landed next to her head with maybe a little too much impact (but it didn't hurt more than she could ignore), immediately snuggling into her. That round, red juice bat with pointed ears and sleepy eyes- his body was as cool as ever, even in this form...

And yet it was just barely warm enough that she almost smiled. Almost.

"You're okay! You're actually okay....!"

"...I'm... here...?"

Dr. Bones Cookie grabbed her brother by the wing, lifting him up and away from her. Standing right next to the side of the bed, they held the bat up to their eye socket level, squinting at him with an annoyed look.

"Be careful!!" they warned.

"Well, sorry..." Vampire Cookie said sarcastically before poofing back into his usual form, which visibly startled the poor doctor. "But my dear sister almost crumbled..." he continued, and shrugged, "can't I celebrate that that didn't happen...?"

The doctor pointed at him with their pen and said: "A-as long as you don't touch her until I'm certain her condition is stable!! Do you even realize how brittle her dough was back there!? I'm surprised she didn't crumble before-"

"Okay, okay!! *sigh* I'll just, stand here, just... let me talk to her for a second, okay...?"

"..." They said nothing, but backed up slightly, nodded their head, and motioned as if to say go ahead before turning away to look at their clipboard papers. Probably something to do with her.

Alchemist Cookie looked at her brother, and he looked at her- eye to eye in complete reticence, and the uncertainty hanging in the air applied pressure, for someone to make the first move. She couldn't move her limbs, and her mouth tasted bittersweet. She just lay there, trying to communicate with her eyes to just go on and say it- whatever it was he had to say.

Her brother's expression became more somber as he finally shattered that tension looming between the two of them:

"Sis... why did you do it?"

"...?"

"Why did you..." the words came out of his mouth with an unsteady, shrinking tone: "poison... yourself?"

...it wasn't possible. He'd thought it was medicine. She'd told him it was medicine.

"...you... know...?"

"..."

The two of them just stared at each other, in seconds on end of uncomfortable eye contact and silence except in the midst of it she could hear Vampire Cookie mumble under his breath, something like "where did that spark in your eyes go...?" (and... she didn't know how to answer.)

"...Sparkling Cookie saw some... things around your room... put two and two together."

"...?" Sparkling Cookie had been there...? When??

Seeming to read her confusion, he went on:

"...I... called him, Herb Cookie and Mint Choco Cookie over when you passed out... I-I didn't know what else to do, they know more about that 'healing' stuff than I do..."

(...That was how she made it, wasn't it...?)

"...T-turns out, Sparkling Cookie couldn't really do anything for you since you were... not awake, you know. Can't give a drink to an unconscious Cookie and all..."

She was glad he didn't get to. The thought of it made her sick to her stomach...

(How was her stomach faring...?)

"So, he ended up, uh, looking around your room, 'cause we didn't, uh, kn-know what happened, and, uh... yeah."

He seemed... increasingly unsettled the more he recounted. She had a feeling she knew why.

"...He... said he recognized some of the things you had in there from what he read in some books. I think he meant the books he keeps checking out of the library for ya, 'cause he... said you absolutelywould have known, what those things would do to you, s-s-so..."

"..."

She didn't really know what to say to him. She hadn't planned for anyone to recognize her reagents and their uses... or lack thereof. She didn't have an excuse planned.

Vampire Cookie stared at her, contemplating, before he took a deep breath and said:

"...why did you do it? Why would you ever... do that, to yourself...? I just- I, I don't understand..."

She could see the tears beginning to pile up at the corners of his eyes, and it... still perplexed her, to some degree. As she readjusted to speaking, she blankly queried:

"You... care...?"

"...th-that shouldn't be a question..."

Alchemist Cookie looked away: "I... thought you didn't."

"...Wh-wh-what made you... what made you... think that...?"

(Her eyes looked back at him again. The look on his face... why did he seem so... upset?)

"..."

This was it, this was the moment she had been waiting for this entire time: The moment when she would look her brother dead in the eyes and finally divulge to him the disease that had been plaguing her mind, say the words, "you did."

"You did this to me."

...

But as much as it burned the back of her throat, the words just never came. And her head ached with the thoughts that she couldn't express.

She couldn't bring herself to say that.

She felt something burst in her eyes again. Embarrassing; there was no way to hide it this time.

Why did things always have to be so UNFIXABLE...?

"A-Alchemist Cookie, you're... y-you're crying..."

"I-I... I..." The words were so, so hard to form. Nothing felt right. Everything felt wrong. She felt so, sowrong. She couldn't take being wrong. But... her feelings had to come out. And they came out; she finally managed to spit it all out: "...I just... I couldn't... I couldn't take it anymore... I can't take it anymore..."

"...take... what...?"

She sniffled: "...you're always... it's always grape juice, it's all... it's everything to you, it's everywhere,every day, all the time, and I... I-I just feel like I'm nothing to you... I have to take care of you, when you get drunk and that's all the time... you can never take care of yourself or come home by yourself or do anything yourself... and you pass out and say weird things and you forget your own name and you forget my name a-and-"

Her voice was collapsing in on itself like a buckled floor, but she fought weary and bleary through the instability:

"A-a-and that's all I ever... all we ever do together is... because you're always so... intoxicated... it's like you forget about everything else... you forget about me... and you're always just..." She was breathing so hard that it hurt, "you never spend real time with me. It's always either at the bar o-or, or when you're at home you're still just drinking and drinking and..."

A heavy acid rain was drowning her voice and face. She didn't know if she was able to purge everything that had ravaged her on the inside, if she could get everything out in the right words, if her words would be right at all...

But... those feelings needed to get out.

She needed to get those feelings out.

It wasn't wrong just to feel, was it? When these feelings were designed to tell that something was wrong.

"I just... just... wanted, f-for you... to care about me... I-I couldn't take that, that... that I didn't matter as much, to you..."

"Alchemist Cookie..." he was trying to cover his face with his hands, she could see the glimmers of guilt in his tears, but he didn't look away from her. Contrarily, his stare became much more fixed as the words solemnly spilled from his heart mouth: "...you... you mean more to me than I can... I-I don't know what I'd do without you-"

"I know, s...someone has to ta-ake care of you... that's, the problem... I have to, but I can't... I can't take it..."

"Th-that's not what I... (crumbs, I didn't mean it like-)"

"I can't... I can't keep taking care of you... I'm sick of it... I'm sick of grape juice... I'm sick of seeing you drunk all the time... I'm sick of LIVING LIKE THIS...!" She coughed, but she could still breathe. She persisted: "I- I- I can't- I can't... I can't keep doing this... for the rest of my life... knowing that I'm going to crumble before you ever will eventually and then who will take care of you after that??" She took a deep breath. "I-I-I... I'm just a normal Cookie and you're not... Wh-why do we have to be so unequal...?Wh-why- why do I have to be to be so INADEQUATE...!?"

"D-don't say that, STOP!!!" He slapped his hands over his mouth immediately, his eyes widening and looking down at them. After seconds of evident processing, slowly returning to meet her gaze again, his next words were immediately at a lower volume and gentler tone: "...Please..." He almost reached one hand out at her before stopping himself, "Alchemist Cookie, you're my little sister, you shouldn't beworrying about... stuff like this, you shouldn't be thinking anything like this, you're... you're too young for that, you... you're..."

His hands went back up to his face again, this time burying himself enough to muffle his voice just slightly.

"You're too young to crumble... I don't- You have a whole life ahead of you, you have- you have so much time left, why would you... wh-why cut it short...?"

(...why was that his fixation...?)

"..." the waterworks still welled in her eyes, but her voice grew stabler yet also quieter, colder just like his hugs. But she couldn't move. "...I just... wanted things to change. I wanted to be happy."

"...you weren't happy..."

It wasn't a question.

Vampire Cookie folded his arms, eyes cast down, tears trickling and... contemplative.

"...I... didn't even realize... I-I mean, I guess I started to-"

(Started to...?)

She cut him off:

"Of course you didn't notice, with how happy you are all the time. You're really lucky, aren't you? Life's so good to you all the time... Everyone wants to be friends with you, you just have everything and you never have to work for it, you never have to care about your health because you're special... and you tell me I need to stop worrying about things, but I have to worry about you because you don't worry about anything, but I- I need to worry about you because you'll probably get into something stupid while you're drunk or just stop... stop taking care of yourself everywhere that matters and, I can't let you do that, I can't let you be alone when someone has to take you home and... and..."

She felt as if a world's worth of weight was upon her, a world of pain that she was forced to live in. Alone.

"I just don't understand, why you get to be so happy, when I don't..."

"...I'm not."

"...wh-what?"

"Alchemist Cookie, I... it's not like that, but..." as he stared into her eyes again, he sighed: "...I don't never worry about anything, I'll admit it. The truth is... I'm... always kinda worried... sorta... you know..."

He looked over to something out of her field of view- by the head of her bed. It was where she heard the beeping sound coming from.

"...you're always working yourself so hard, sis... too hard... you basically never relax, I have to remind you to sleep half the time. You think I don't get worried about you...?" He paused before continuing: "I... kinda always felt like something like this would happen someday- not the same thing, but... that you'd just give up taking care of yourself because you're so dedicated to your work. Or that one day I'd just come into your room and see that some experiment gone wrong did you in, and..."

(His breathing hitched...?)

"...I-I... I can't lose you like that..."

"..." Alchemist Cookie blinked away any remaining droplets. Still processing what she was hearing, her only words were: "You're going to lose me eventually..."

"...I- I know. I don't like to- I don't want to think about that... any of this... I-I've always tried to not think about it..."

"...is that why you drink juice all the time?"

He attempted to mumble something under his breath- but he was just loud enough and he was just close enough that she could just barely make it out:

"(I don't know. Maybe more than I need to, I guess...)"

"..."

...

As the saying went: "The first step is admitting you have a problem."

He started speaking clearly again, looking back to her yet another time- and he looked just a little more regretful than even before:

"...I know it's nothing like... what you've been going through, I'm not trying to compare that, I just... want you to know that I do care about you, sis, I just... gosh, when you yelled at me that one time- what was it, two weeks ago now?- I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know it was this much-"

"You mean... the time I yelled at you, in my room...?"

(...she felt just a small pang of guilt about the intensity of her ire in that moment...)

"Hmm? Oh, that was... that too I guess, but I mean earlier than that. Where was it again? Living room, I think...? Yeah, that! Probably two and a half weeks ago, I think..."

"...that was..."

...two and a half weeks ago...?

...she hadn't even been poisoning herself for that long, and things had escalated this far...?

How potent was that solution of hers...?

...

Despite the nagging of her own insatiable interest, she knew that, perhaps, this was a knowledge that was better of not known, to herself at the very least. For her own sake. She didn't want to stare into that abyss again.

...

Two and a half weeks ago. She had outpoured her anger two and a half weeks ago.

Two and a half weeks ago, her feelings had finally boiled over. She had gotten to concocting her plan to poison herself with that sick solution...

And for what? For what had all of this been?

Would this have really been the solution to all her problems?

...

If she hadn't survived to explain everything to Vampire Cookie, he wouldn't have realized a thing. He wouldn't have stopped drinking grape juice. He probably would've started drinking more of it just to cope with the loss...

...

Two and a half weeks ago.

Somehow, he had kept track of the time.

And he remembered. He remembered her outburst.

He remembered her.

...

While she was beginning to think back on those weeks, on everything she hadn't paid attention to before, her brother kept on talking:

"That was when you told me you didn't want to, uh, look after me..." he hugged his arms around himself and looked down to the side, embarrassment showing through the regretful smile he was trying to put up, "I, uh, didn't even really get it fully until I was talking to Sparkling Cookie one night, when I went out... and uh, he told me that he always calls you to take me home when I, can't do it myself... and I didn't even realize how often you had to do that, I thought it was just a few times, haha..." his laugh didn't really sound amused as he brought one hand up to his face, "...I didn't even... remember half of those times..."

"...yeah. I can guess."

"And I thought that was all that you meant. So, I told him to stop calling you, and-"

"You... got your friends to take you home, didn't you...?"

That night Cinnamon Cookie had carried her brother home, then the other time that Sparkling Cookie did the same... How could she have been so oblivious...?

"...I... didn't even realize you had done that... I even talked to them, but..." her eyes turned away from him, "I... guess I was just so focused on how you were still drinking grape juice, I didn't feel like anything was changing..."

"...I...is that why you did it, then...? Above everything else? Because I have to drink juice?"

"..."

She fell more silent than she would have expected to be at this question. She was imagining, over and over again in her head, the various reasons she could give for why she had done what she did- many of which had something to do with grape juice- and the exact ways to lay it out, to get the perfect emotional response, but...

No. None of it felt right, really. None of it was perfect.

Even now, with them spilling everything within their hearts to each other- none of it was perfect. She knew she had so much more to say, and he probably had more too, but the flow of conversation would carry them away before they could get it all across, when they weren't holding themselves back. How long would it take of conveying these ill-defined feelings in words, over and over again, until they finally understood each other? Would it be days? Weeks? Months? Years?

"...I-I don't know..."

Really, that was both true and untrue- she had a multitude of reasons, compounding upon each other to poison her mind- but...

None of her reasons were right. Nothing. The action she had taken in and of itself was just so wrong, there was no way she could justify it anymore. Why had she done that to herself!? It hadn't done any good in the end. Things had been changing for the better around her, Cookies had been caring for her well-being, and it was exactly because she had been so dedicated to her own self-destruction that she had not seen any of it...

(...she really needed to apologize to Sparkling Cookie, didn't she...?)

And to her brother...

She knew it would be foolish of her to tell him, "it's because you don't care."

Because she knew that was wrong.

She was seeing that on full display right now.

She had seen it the entire time.

But it was only now beginning to click.

"...you were... you were actually trying to care for me when I... started doing this, weren't you? When you checked in on me... and I yelled at you..."

"Oh. Yeah. Uh, when Sparkling Cookie told me you were... 'sick,' he pretty much... banned me from the juice bar, temporarily. And told me to cut back on the juice until you were better. And... I knew he was probably right by that. How was I supposed to take care of you if I couldn't even take care of myself?Uh... yeah. But I don't really know how to 'cut back,' so I kinda... went back and forth on too much and too little. Left me really thirsty a lot. Thought it'd be fine to try and look for a drink around your room that one time, but... (gosh, the stuff you said there was... I probably should've seen all of this coming...) I didn't want to..."

He seemed to grow more uncomfortable talking about this, scratching the back of his head nervously.

"I knew I wouldn't be able to resist. So, I just... decided to stay out of your room, after that. You know how I get when I'm... 'low on juice,' right...?"

(He hadn't kept trying to check up on her in her room after that, but she had noticed him hanging out around her more anyway, the few times she left the room. He had... tried to make sure she was nourishing herself...

...Those two and a half weeks, he really had been able to tell she was sick... No thanks to any toxicant, but the few times she'd communicated with other Cookies... and he had done what he could with what he was given, each time...

She really never had needed to dance so close with death, had she...?)

"..."

He always drank more after physical exertion.

But she could only really think of one time she had seen him get ravenous

The day he became abnormal.

Split wood on the floor

Spilled puddles of red

Desperation dripping with hunger

Violet consumed by burgundy

"...yes. I don't want to think about that..."

"...am I really that scary...? Well, I guess if Dr. Bones Cookie's a good metric to judge by, then... (heh...)"

Alchemist Cookie's eyes moved to the other Cookie in the room. She could see that Dr. Bones Cookie was trying to let the two have their moment and focus on whatever papers were on their clipboard, but couldn't do much to hide the anxiousness on their face looking back and forth between those and the siblings.

She knew that they'd always expressed their own concerns about Vampire Cookie and his condition, but they certainly seemed to know more about the type of Cookie he was, about his needs, about how he functioned in general... but Vampire Cookie would rarely ever show up for scheduled checkups. Alchemist Cookie always did for her own, and she... hadn't considered asking them about him.

...how had she missed something so obvious?

(...she'd been missing obvious things for the past two and a half weeks...)

"...Dr. Bones Cookie?"

"H-huh!?"

The doctor, startled at the mention of their name, almost dropped their clipboard but managed to catch it in the nick of time. Vampire Cookie tilted his head, but said nothing.

"G-Good Tingly-Bones! Is there something wrong???" the doctor asked as they checked through their papers, making sure they were still in order. (Alchemist Cookie was dreading when she would have to hear whatever those said...)

"No. I just... I know my brother has to drink juice to sustain himself, right...? But... is that really true? Is there really nothing else he can-"

They immediately sighed, as Vampire Cookie shifted uncomfortably in place but didn't say a word. They started to explain:

"Err, your brother is an... interesting Cookie. His dough contains around 10% strong grape juice- that would be strawberry jam in any other grown Cookie, but-"

"He's different. In a lot of ways. I know already."

She didn't intend for that to sound so bitter.

"...w-well," they continued, "they don't exactly put too much about vampires in medical literature, so what I do know is limited, but... normally they have to drink the jam of other desserts... but if his body's composition substitutes juice for jam, then-"

"My brother substitutes juice for jam as well..."

Vampires were jamsuckers- She'd heard about that. She'd never seen her brother personally do such a thing... except in a few scuffles, but that was just the way he fought dessert monsters and such- he didn't do such things recreationally, and never to another Cookie.

...But what she saw in movies and read and novels, heard about in horror stories, about Cookies like him, the things she tried to deny due to the occasional discrepancy and knowing her brother wasn't a monster...

How could she keep denying her brother's namesake at that point...?

Vampire Cookie turned his back to the other two, as if he didn't want any attention paid to him.

(...they were kinda talking about him as if he weren't right there in the room, weren't they...?)

Dr. Bones Cookie paid him no mind:

"That's my theory, at least. But make no bones about it, he certainly does have it in him to drink jam if he's desperate enough..." they shot a mildly disgruntled look in her brother's direction, "Never set up a jam transfusion with a starving vampire in the room, if I've learned anything..."

She could see shivers travel up her brother's back, and his face turned redder than its usual tinge- but the way it burned his cheeks was unfamiliar compared to the drunken flush she was accustomed to seeing him with. He whispered a "sorry" under his breath with his eyes pointed towards her. Dr. Bones Cookie's focus appeared to shift before Alchemist Cookie could bargain ask any further questions:

"Speaking of which: Vampire Cookie, I need to discuss a few things with you..."

Dr. Bones Cookie pulled Vampire Cookie to the side- or at least, they tried to. Vampire Cookie wasn't so easily moved.

"What things...?"

"Err, concerning the patient. I-I know this isn't my field of expertise, but I... I just have a few concerns, and, um..." the doctor glanced over at Alchemist Cookie for a moment, and then returned their attention to Vampire Cookie as they lowered their voice to a whisper that was still not low enough for her not to hear: "(have you thought about signing her up for counseling with Chamomile Cookie...??)"

"..."

Vampire Cookie seemed more compliant after that. The two stepped a bit further away- just far enough that as they talked to each other quietly, she couldn't hear a single word they were saying. Probably something about her that they didn't want her to hear just yet, she assumed...

(...counseling... they were going to put her into counseling...

Something about that knotted up her stomach further than it had already been twisted. Counseling was for Cookies who needed help, for Cookies who cried. Alchemist Cookie didn't need help, she didn't cry.

...

Oh, who was she even kidding at this point?

Gosh, she was really SICK, wasn't she...?)

...she was caught between a rock and a hard place.

Juice or jam.

...

Nothing could ever be perfect, could it? He seemed so deeply discomforted with just the sight of strawberry jam, and of course he'd be: Hungering for the lifeblood of another living being, that was... a disturbing idea, even to her. It wasn't even up for consideration.

Neither of them would be happy like that.

She didn't want him to be unhappy like that.

...in the back of her head, she did ponder what life would be like like that, if he drank jam instead of juice. But the reveries of her brother being more active, more aware, more... there were quickly broken by visions of him sucking the life out of other Cookies' necks like a scene right out of a horror movie.

She didn't think he would hurt her... maybe. Otherwise she probably wouldn't be alive right now.

(...once she thought about it, what she pictured of her brother acting ideally... wasn't even that different from the way he was acting right now, or... even how he acted normally... when he wasn't too drunk, at least...)

That grape juice aroma that had lingered around their lives, it was by no means a good thing. It would've been so much better if they could just be rid of it entirely. But they couldn't have that. Life would never be perfect. But for what they could do, for what they did have, it was just something they had to put up with.

'It could've been worse' was never the best thought to turn to- but even it had its uses...

...

It could've been worse.

He could've been so much worse

He could've been like those vampires from the movies and myths, cruel and uncaring and violent- some cold count, creeping around the darkness, hunting unsuspecting Cookies like a predator stalking its prey...

But for all his flaws, all his shortcomings, everything he could improve on, everything he should improve on...

He cared about her. Enough to try cutting back on juice by himself. Enough that he cared about her happiness even when he didn't know the full extent of her pain.

He came all the way out here to the hospital just to be by her side, when normally such a thing was too much work to him. He tried to respect her boundaries when he saw it was getting to her. He tried to cook for her, when he had never touched a stove, because she wouldn't eat...

She'd thought he wouldn't have cared if she were to crumble right before his eyes.

Those same eyes had dampened her crumbling face with a gentle rain of tears as he said "I love you..."

(He loved her enough that he was willing to put in the effort to make a change.

He didn't really know how to do it the best way, and maybe things could never go as far as she'd have dreamed of, but... maybe, they could work it out...)

"Alchemist Cookie?"

She had been lost in her thoughts for long enough that the other two had finished their conversation and walked back to the side of her bed. Dr. Bones Cookie was trying to address her while her brother was standing next to them... and while she couldn't read his expression, it didn't seem very joyous.

"...what is it?"

She could read their deliberation in the stuttering of false starts, of "well"s and "you see"s, as they struggled for words, nervous sweat running down, before they at last got a sentence going:

"(How do I say this...) S-so, from the jam test results and what your brother said was found in your room... Good Tingly-Bones, kid, you shouldn't even be alive right now!! H-How much of that mixture of yours did you drink!?"

She wasn't shocked by their disbelief- she'd felt about the same way, after all. But what surprised her, thinking about how to answer their question... was the answer she ended up giving:

"I-I... don't know... I think it was... I drank it every day, for... a week, and a half...?"

(Two and a half weeks didn't leave much up to interpretation. But it still just felt too short... but... no, no, things had really just deteriorated that quickly. And that was what confounded her so. And yet it all blurred together in her head and dragged on for so long...)

"...how much of it every day, exactly...?"

"...I-I wasn't keeping track, I just filled the vial in my room, I think..."

She could hardly fathom the lack of plan or reason in what she had no way of denying had been her own fully conscious actions. She wasn't even sure what to think of herself at this point.

Dr. Bones Cookie sighed, murmuring something about 'treatment' before speaking with a resigned voice: "I-I'll just... keep it brief: That concoction contained some of the most dangerously toxic substances known to Cookiekind... and those substances are all over your body right now. Most of them don't even have known antidotes...! I've given you what I could, but most of what I can do is treat the symptoms until this clears out of your body on its own... (hopefully). You'll be staying here until I'm certain you're in a good condition...!"

None of this was anything she didn't either already know or couldn't have figured out on her own. And yet, hearing the words said out loud, she felt the weight of her circumstances really sink in.

...but one thing stood out to her, regardless:

"...I-I can't go home...?"

"Your body can't fight this on its own. I-it's going Tibia LONG road to recovery, but with proper care... (well, let's just hope your condition stays stable, at least...)."

Alchemist Cookie frowned. Did they really have to try lightening the mood like that...?

"...Dr. Bones Cookie...? How long will it be...?"

"...my best guess right now is at least a month..."

(...that didn't sound like a concrete estimate...)

Vampire Cookie pulled his cape over his face.

"D-D-Doc said that..." he started with a lachrymose voice, "that no one can really do anything but hope for the best right now. Nothing else. We c...can't control what happens, s-so..."

He turned away and began walking towards the door sulkily.

"I should get going, visiting hours are over. I'm taking too much of their time anyways..."

It didn't even feel as if it had been that long. Were visiting hours that short? Or... how long had he been waiting for her to wake up...?

The sound of his footsteps as he trudged to the door made Alchemist Cookie feel... something that called her to ask, just to make sure:

"You'll come back tomorrow, right...?"

He stopped just before he could touch the handle, at first seeming completely frozen for a few seconds before he at last responded:

"...y-yeah, of course...! Just..." he looked back at her, "don't go anywhere! Okay?"

And with that, he opened the door and staggered out, letting it slam shut behind him.

The weeping was loud enough she could still hear it, unmoving for minutes until finally fading away.

And thus, Alchemist Cookie was left to intensive care.

Not exactly the intensive care unit, but she couldn't be picky like this.

"...Dr. Bones Cookie?" Alchemist Cookie said. "...when do you think I'll be able to move, or... touch things.... or do anything again?

"Hmm... well... you're able to communicate. That's a good start."

The recovery process over the next few days didn't have a lot to do, with her being stationary as Dr. Bones Cookie managed her condition and kept it from worsening. Even just the fact she hadn't been able to eat for those days was causing problems; Dr. Bones Cookie explained to her that had her brother not told them at the scene about her malnourished state, they would've immediately put her onto parenteral nutrition... which would've triggered refeeding syndrome. She had to be slowly and carefully replenished, gradually increasing back to normal amounts... via catheter in the arm. It wasn't even certain if the damage to her stomach could heal in full.

(She asked them to give it to her while she was asleep. She wanted to be able to move freely the moment she recovered)

Despite this lack of action, her second day of regained consciousness was... not what she would call boring, with a curiosity like hers. She was constantly asking questions about her condition, and when she wasn't doing that, she was thinking over it herself. After all, medicine was a key facet of alchemy.

Would she ever be able to do alchemy again? Was she still even Alchemist Cookie without that? She didn't have anything else that had defined her at this point. She didn't know what to think of herself.

As promised, Vampire Cookie came to visit, more punctual than she had ever seen him been in her life. He seemed a bit less 'out of it' than when he had left, from the moment he was allowed into the room. But he still seemed a little off, the way he was so obviously catching his breath, sweating, as if he had ran all the way there from their home.

...

That was it, wasn't it.

That wasn't it for the odd behavior, though- as soon as he could breathe, he immediately went on questioning her about how the doctor was treating her (well), how comfortable she was (as much as she could be), if she was doing any better (...)...

...he was more alert than usual, more agitated. It was apparent to her that he was still depriving himself, even though she was no longer in his care. He kept pulling his cape over his mouth whenever he wasn't speaking, and when he did speak, she couldn't help but notice that faltering tone of his voice. That barely noticeable reddish tinge tainting his eyes, threatening to consume

...he seemed hesitant to stand too close to her. Whenever even just a hand or a foot would cross some theoretical line, he'd pull it back immediately, as if he couldn't be near her.

...

That conversation she had had with Dr. Bones Cookie must have really gotten to him, hadn't it? Everything she had said that day in general, to the point he's ended up in a situation like this: denying himself the satiation that would give himself security here.

"I-I'm sorry if I'm a bit... antsy today, I just... i-it's just been really stressful with everything happening, I just-"

His stomach grumbled, shutting him up and putting a look of apprehension clear on his face. He backed a few steps away from her.

She rolled her eyes, just as a gesture to tell him that his fears were all in his mind: He wouldn't do anything to her; it simply wasn't in his nature.

She trusted him.

She wasn't used to doing that, now that she thought about it. But after what happened in her lab, she felt she could start.

...

The following days of slow recovery, each and every one, he would come in like this. Every single day, for every last minute allotted to visit, he would keep his distance from her, yet still question her as much as possible. She could tell this was eating him up, but she didn't really know how to address it. She didn't want him to be unhealthy.

"...just remember to feed yourself, silly," she said abruptly one day as he left.

"Huh? O-of course I will, I haven't been... d-don't worry about it, sis. It's your turn to relax, anyways."

"But-"

The door cut her off. She made a mental note to shift her research into vampirism the moment she could pick up a book again. Whenever that day would be. If that day would ever come. Every single night, as she was dragged down into sleep, her greatest fear was that she wouldn't rise the next day.

It was the very next day that she would finally regain the strength to move. She didn't try to sit up without the support of the bed- she wasn't sure she was quite ready for that yet- but she could finally lift her arms. Every movement ached, and it was clear her mobility still had a lot to improve on, but it was there.

After some discussion and a close examination of her dough, Dr. Bones Cookie finally supposed they could relent on the 'no touch'

She saved her energy for when her brother arrived, and the moment he sauntered in looking in much better shape than when she had last seen him. He seemed less tired, no signs that he had ran- probably started walking sooner, given he still arrived on time- and he immediately was much more comfortable standing close to her. His eyes were perfectly purple, too. Calling him out must have made him get himself together, she supposed.

It was almost jarring to see how much more relaxed his demeanor had become, however.

"Alchemist Cookie, hey! What's up? How's it been?"

...well, he was acting more like his usual self, at least. Casually leaning against the air, floating next to her with his arms behind his head- it was the grape juice smell that confirmed it to her, though: He really had listened to her this time.

She felt nihility creeping up on her. Even though she had been the one to tell him to do it, she still felt this bitter-tasting fear in her that now she had been stable for long enough, things would just go back to the way they had been before. That he would forget this had ever happened. That he'd stop caring again...

"I'm still stuck here. Not much has changed... except for this:"

After some struggle to muster up her energy, she lifted her arms up and held them out and open. And immediately, Vampire Cookie gasped:

"Wait... does this mean what I think it means...?"

He tossed a look at Dr. Bones Cookie, who, after a moment's pondering, seemed to realize what he was referencing and answered:

"W-well, I suppose so... but if you're going to do that again, then you at least need a SHOWER first for sanitation's sake-"

"I washed my hands, that's good enough for me!!"

"H-hey!!!"

Paranoid as they were well-meaning, the doctor tried to grab hold of his cape, but he had already poofed into his smaller form before they could stop him (and all they could do was sigh in resignation). And before Alchemist Cookie could react, she found herself hit square in the chest by the force of what could've easily been mistaken for a baseball if he hadn't been so soft.

She took the smaller juice bat into her hands gently, holding him out in front of her. The smile on his face was almost infectious...

"You look so stupid right now, you know."

She couldn't help it. It was such a big, dumb smile.

A big, dumb, warm and loving smile.

"You really..."

Her mouth twitched and her eyes softened. He really was that happy to see her get better. He really cared that much.

"You..."

She took him up closer to her face, and as he nuzzled against her cheek...

She smiled.

She hadn't had a true, happy smile on her face in so, so long.

She hadn't felt truly happy in so, so long.

She had forgotten what it had felt like, to feel secure in the world, that others loved her; to feel that love as it existed right next to her in all its warmth without obstruction or oblivion; to feel all warmth of emotion through the cold of the physical body. She felt that emptiness being filled.

He felt warm to her. She didn't mind if he was cold to the dough. The warmth and love of a familial embrace had finally reached her, and she felt happier than she could ever remember being in recent times. Maybe ever. She didn't know anymore, and she didn't need to; It didn't matter. She was just so happy to have this moment, to have her brother here with her, to be here right now and to experience this joy.

This love.

"...sis? You're crying all over me, y'know... are you alright?"

"Y-yeah, this is... *sniffles* I've never been better..."

She hugged him close to her chest, with all of her limited strength. As limp as her arms were... perhaps that was a good thing: She likely would've crushed him otherwise. She was squeezing him as if she'd never gotten a hug before, as if he hadn't given her one a million times over.

...he had. But this time, it just felt different. She wasn't being clung to obnoxiously by a tipsy Cookie; this was a genuine moment of reciprocal tenderness, where everything felt just right.

This was something personal. Meaningful.

"...well, I'm not complaining."

"I-I can't remember the last time I was this happy..."

She felt all warm and fuzzy inside...

She felt so happy to be alive.

"(...maybe Dr. Bones Cookie was right...)"

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

(She had a feeling she knew what he meant... and maybe she didn't have to worry about it. It would spoil the moment, anyways.)

Her recovery seemed to go by a lot faster after this, with her gradually regaining strength in her limbs even if the pain remained. Her brother continued visiting everyday, and now she was the one asking him questions- making sure he was still taking care of his own needs (even if he looked like it already), that they would be hanging out as much as possible the moment she was out of there (she already had several activities planned out), and...

With his little juice bat self nestled in her hair, she asked:

"...why didn't you ever tell me you weren't happy?"

"...hmm?"

"I remember what you said, you know. You said you aren't really that happy."

"...well, why didn't you ever tell me you're never happy?"

"..."

"Besides-"

"I just didn't think you'd care, I guess."

"...Alchemist Cookie-"

"B-but, you always talk about how much you love your life, right...? How do you love your life if you aren't happy??"

"...you know, sis, there's always going to be stuff that makes you unhappy. And sometimes you can't do anything about it. But... I guess what I've learned is... not to think about it all the time. You just have to think about the stuff that makes you happy instead, y'know...? Like, say..."

She felt his wings pressed down on her head.

"My most precious treasure."

"...what would that be?"

She tilted her head, her eyes shifting upwards despite not making him more visible. He replied, shortly yet sweetly:

"My brilliant little sister who's the smartest Cookie on Earthbread."

"..."

She didn't feel as if she deserved to be called that. But... it felt good hearing someone say it.

Hearing him say it.

"Love ya, sis."

"...love you too."

For a moment, she didn't really feel sick anymore.

~~~

The poison was finally clearing out of her system; the battle was over, and she had been victorious. But alas, war was not without its casualties:

Dr. Bones Cookie had been quite apologetic, and very apparently frustrated about their own limitations the entire time, even if no one held it against them that they were essentially running an entire miniature hospital by themself. When Alchemist Cookie was finally discharged, she was essentially wheelchair-bound. She wasn't incapable of walking, but the pain and fatigue that it brought was too much to be reasonable, and she was far too at risk of stumbling, falling, getting hurt-

The amount of time it would take to recover her walking ability was uncertain. If she ever did, then the disuse of her legs would likely mean she'd need physical therapy to be able to use them again. But at this point, she was just happy to go home...

Even if she would still need some degree of taking care of. The doctor still recommended she spend most of the day resting at the very least. Her brother would have to take care of her, against all protests of hers. She had been taken care of for long enough.

She was certain it made him no better than what he had been.

But he seemed... just fine with this prospect...?

"What if I never get better...? What if you're stuck taking care of me for the rest of my life?"

"C'mon, sis, aren't you the one who goes on about giving stuff in return...? Honestly, you shouldn't have been giving it in the first place, but... hey, at least now you get to sit back and relax, right?"

"..."

"...come on, give yourself a break for once. You deserve it, you know."

...

Recovery really was going to be a long process...

But she had her brother, and he was actually going to put in the effort to moderate himself. And she had never been more happy to be in those grape juice-smelling rooms of their home again.

(The smell had just barely begun to fade...)

And there at home at last, they were surprised by her brother's friends- Sparkling Cookie had been trusted to watch the house for all the times her brother was out to see her, and with how Vampire Cookie had so excitedly relayed the news to him that she was coming home that day, he had invited Herb Cookie and Mint Choco Cookie over to welcome them home.

...the latter two were clearly more there for her brother, and she supposed she couldn't blame them as beyond the belated 'thank you's for keeping her alive until the ambulance had arrived, she didn't really have anything to say to them either. They just didn't really know each other that well.

...

But the former, sitting to the side and patiently listening to the rest, chiming in here and there- she wheeled right up to him and plainly stated:

"I'm sorry."

"...for what?" He tilted his head slightly.

"..." she took a deep breath, in and out: "you were just trying to help me, and I was... really mad at you. You didn't deserve... that."

"...oh. Oh. I see... It's alright, Alchemist Cookie. I'm just happy to see you've recovered from your... sickness..."

He looked deeply uncomfortable with just that one last word.

"...you don't have to sugarcoat it, you know. I know you're the one who found out."

"..." his smile fell: "I won't pry, but... just know," he said with a gentle tone as he pushed some of her hair away from her face, "you can always come talk to me if you need someone to listen."

"..."

She smiled.

"...thanks, Sparkling Cookie."

That very night when they had come home together, once everyone else had left and it was just her and her brother again, as she was still getting used to her new mode of movement, Alchemist Cookie found she had trouble getting through the door to her own room. She would be able to just barely reach the doorknob, but the true problem lay in that her door opened outwards... and she wasn't that good at maneuvering herself, thus she didn't know if she could find a way to get around the door hitting her when it opened. She didn't know how to keep it open as she entered, either.

...she ended up having to ask Vampire Cookie for help, already. Just to get the door for her.

(...maybe asking for help wasn't so bad after all...)

She realized immediately upon entering the room how much tidier it was compared to how she had left it, after she had messed it up creating her concoction and neglected to clean up after herself. But now, even that poison of hers had been scrubbed from the cauldron, and under the moonlight through the now open curtains she could see: Neither jam nor venom spat smeared the floor...

Good riddance, she thought.

(She'd have to thank Sparkling Cookie for this, most likely...)

Stains were left behind- forever to remind of that incident, never able to be scrubbed clean. But perhaps some things were best left unforgotten.

Once she was close enough to her bed, she was able to use her limited walking ability to get herself into it. Crumbs, that hurt really bad.

...and her brother came to tuck her in, even though she tried to reject it.

"This is humiliating...!"

"There's nothing humiliating about a little TLC, sis."

"It just feels so... It's like you're treating me like a kid."

"...Alchemist Cookie, you are a kid."

"..."

She'd never really thought about it before, but...

She was a kid. Yet she'd never really gotten to be one. Always at work in her lab, always worrying about things she couldn't control... and always taking care of an adult who wouldn't care for himself. That had been her life for so long. That had been her 'normal.'

She didn't know how to live without asphyxia. She had always wanted to breathe, but now that she could, she didn't really know what to do with herself. Everything she could do had long since faded to obscurity in her mind. All those hobbies of hers had grown dusty, forgotten...

But... she could work on it now. She could go out and make friends and read books and look at the stars and do anything she wanted. She could finally enjoy alchemy again.

She had made a mental note earlier, hadn't she...? To get to work on something?

...she could throw that aside for now. Right now wasn't the time for that.

...she could spend quality time with her brother and he wouldn't be too drunk to remember, maybe. A lot of the plans she had come up with for them would probably need modification, given her current indefinite condition, but she wouldn't let anything stop her from having this, now that she had it.

She knew she could've had it more smoothly, but there was no going back. Things could've been worse, anyways. Better not worrying about things out of her control.

She had bettering things to think about now.

That very second day she was home, after getting changed out of that hospital gown she had left on (getting dressed was difficult, but it was something she could do by herself, lying on her bed...)- which she would have to wash and return later- she had her first real meal in a long time, and he was the one who cooked it. He insisted on learning this on his own, on learning to do things for himself.

For her.

(He was adamant on washing that hospital gown too)

It tasted... not too bad, really. She could appreciate the effort this time. She put on her best smile, and happily ate away. Even if it wasn't the best.

Maybe someday it could be great.

Just watching her eat seemed to overwhelm her brother with so much emotion, that before she could even take her last bite she found him crying over her shoulder with nothing but pure joy.

"W-welcome back, sis...!"

It had been so long since she had been in another Cookie's embrace and really embraced it for herself; something about it just brought her own emotions out. And the two of them spent a good minute or two crying in that awkward position, him standing next to her sitting at the table by that mediocre meal still cooked with love, just grateful that they were both alive and had each other and that they could finally communicate.

And it was their unspoken promise to put communication above all, because that could've saved them so much hardship in the first place.

And they were never going to let anything like this happen ever again.

Over the course of the month, healing had its bumps in the road. Alchemist Cookie and Vampire Cookie were trying their hardest to get better, to make things better- and they were getting better, of course. But both of them would sometimes fall back into old habits: Vampire Cookie would occasionally fail to keep himself in check, and Alchemist Cookie's issues were a chronic mess. He'd sometimes fall to temptation and drink enough to forget, and in turn she would cry her eyes out and sometimes fall to her darker urges, and he would cry his own eyes out the moment he saw what he caused.

But they were both aware, willing to communicate, and ready to work on it all; For themselves, for each other, for family. They'd try to keep an eye on each other, to keep an eye on themselves- Vampire Cookie especially. And the day he was able to go out to the bar and come home by himself, without needing another Cookie to cut him off- the two of them couldn't have been happier.

Beginning about a week and a half after she came home, her sessions with Chamomile Cookie were... cathartic, in a sense. She had been hesitant to spill to some Cookie that she didn't know, but the soothing, floral aroma of the cabin was enough to put her mind at ease, and she was assured that she could talk about anything on her mind. Knowing she wasn't forced to wrench things out against her will, she just started talking about her day.

...and eventually, she started loosening up, started spilling her feelings out over a cup of tea, and she found that a burden had been lifted. Chamomile Cookie would listen to her; that Cookie wasn't that conversational, but she was a Cookie who Alchemist Cookie could confide in.

She was able to engage more socially with other Cookies again. Pretty much the moment her acquaintances had found out she had 'been sick' (of course, certain details were never to be disclosed) and saw the lingering effects, they were all over her, so to speak. Always well-meaning, but sometimes they were a bit much.

...she'd never really thought of herself as having many real friends. Maybe really any. She just didn't keep in touch enough. She loved having friends, but they always came and went. But seeing so many Cookies going out of their way to talk to her again made her think, perhaps the problem was just that she hadn't been able to see them.

Gingerbrave was ever the friend to all, of course- the moment he'd seen her rolling around the Cookie Kingdom, he had so many questions about what happened to her and if she was healthy and, really, she didn't want to answer most of them. Fortunately, he wouldn't keeping pressing after she asked him to stop.

He tried to make an effort to include her in any big events- even if he didn't know too much about how wheelchairs worked or how to accommodate for them. But she did notice some construction work being done on the library for a while, and by the end of it a ramp had been installed.

She just had a hunch on who ordered that, even if it never directly came up between them. But she had it in her head to repay him someday, whenever she could figure out something suitable.

She was happy to go to the library again. She used to spend so much time there, immersing herself in stacks of books from opening to closing while the the smell of paper would stimulate her hunger for knowledge...

She decided to try actually checking out the books she'd read this time, to read at home for a change. Things had gotten much brighter around the house anyway; she actually had enough lighting to read, now. She wasn't sure if it was just from opening the curtains or what, but...

One day, she ran into Sparkling Cookie, returning those old textbooks she had memorized over. It... made her laugh once she realized what he'd been doing. Even if she had to thank him again.

(When had she last laughed, again...?)

Once, and only once, she even had Wizard Cookie of all Cookies just walk up to her out of the blue and hand her a 'get well soon' card, muttering something into his scarf that she couldn't quite make out.

...she couldn't exactly call it a half-hearted effort considering he left an entire hand-written message, but...

'Dear Alchemist Cookie,'

He had written that above the card's printed-on 'Get Well Soon!' message. The rest continued below:

'I sincerely hope that you're in good health right now.

What happened to you? Did you get injured or something? Some kind of alchemical accident?

(P.S. if that's what happened, maybe try MAGIC next

Actually whatever happened, just get better, will you? It's so BORING without you around! I miss debating with you, honestly. (Don't tell anyone I said that or you're as good as crumbled)

Sincerely,

Wizard Cookie'

...it was so funny to her, she had to stifle a laugh when she read it. This was his best attempt, just to say that he cared...?

...he cared...

Even her bitter rival cared.

...Cookies cared about her. Cookies looked at her when she came by, smiled at her, listened to her speak about alchemy on end...

(And maybe they'd always done that. But she'd never looked for it until now.)

And if no one else had time for her some days, she could always come home and cozy up to her brother on the couch at night, and he'd wrap an arm or his cape around her while she read herself to sleep or ramble to him and he'd try to keep up. And he was so pleasantly cool, just enough to warm her heart.

And whatever the future would be, however much she'd recover in the months proceeding, she knew: It was better.

#cookie run #cookie run fanfic #alchemist cookie #vampire cookie #sparkling cookie #dr bones cookie #(no one else is prominent enough I think to really warrant a tag)#kairiki bear #venom kairiki bear #this fic is like. Due to the 'unconventional' nature of the subjects I don't even know if most trigger tags work because they #Aren't really. Specific enough. Like would this be triggering for most people as self-harm if it's by poisoning.#People don't really do that in real life or at least I haven't heard of anything like that being like a thing #But does the physical imagery matter as much compared to the psychology?#I genuinely don't know. This is why I have the huge TW list at the front. But I will put this here:#Ask to tag #tw poisoning #<- this is unambiguous I think like this is just straight-up Poison like. So it's the one tag I can add on knowing it's doing its job right #But like y'all tell me for the others if I should tag other things please but do not skip the TW before you read and please tell me #If anything should be added to it after reading I genuinely just. *slaps roof of fanfic* /ref if you know what I mean #grape siblings #<- i forgot to put this on and it's kinda awkward adding this after all of that but. This fic is all about these two pretty much.

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azure-firecracker · 29 days

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The X-Files Season 3 Review (First-Time Watcher)

Wahoo, we’re back! And just in time before I head off to school. I don’t know if it was the pre-college nerves or just the consistency of this season, but I blazed through this. It’s either the fastest I’ve ever binged a season of this length or close to it (barring times where I’ve been sick).

I’ll be honest, I wasn’t sure where the show was going to go following the high drama of season 2. I said in my Season 2 Review that the season resembled an alien soap opera, a tone I felt suited the show extremely well. But the events of Season 2 were so incredibly high-stakes that I wasn’t sure the show could keep up the high-drama tone. I mean, you can’t get much more high stakes than the Season 2 abduction arc.

As it turned out, the show’s solution was yet another tonal switch. While Season 1 (read my review of that here) felt like a riff on campy sci-fi stories, and Season 2 felt like a dark alien soap opera, Season 3 adopted the tone of a fast-paced film-noir action style movie. Our agents were in fights! They were running after villains! They were firing at bad guys!They were jumping onto trains! It was very high-stakes and exciting, but in an adrenaline-rush sort of way rather than mimicking the desperate, melancholic vibes of Season 2.

While my personal subjective tastes do tend more towards the high-drama vibe of Season 2, I think the action-movie energy suited the show (and the writers) well. The episodes in this season were consistently good at grabbing my attention and keeping it. Due to the fast pace and the constant reveal of new information, I felt like I was always running right alongside Mulder and Scully, racing to find new information and uncover each twist and turn. And if I were to describe this season in one word, it would be consistent. The show writers clearly perfected this fast-paced-film-noir vibe and found a comfortable rhythm creating it. This season had the longest unbroken stretch of fantastic episodes yet, and VERY few misses. More on that in the individual episode reviews.

I think this season’s new energy served Scully well as a character. I said in my Season 1 review that I was irritated with Mulder always taking the lead in investigations, and I felt like it was his mental journey that we were watching, since he was the believer and always right. While that wasn’t my main problem with Season 2, the Mulder-sole-protagonist feeling was still somewhat present. It makes sense: Mulder, as the more angsty and openly emotional of the two, is well-suited to being the main character of a cosmic drama. But Scully, with her sharp observation skills and calm demeanor under pressure, is well-suited to being the main character of a film-noir-action case. I was happy to see her taking the lead several times this season, both in solving cases, but also in becoming more assertive in going after information and figuring out a ton of clues. Her intelligence was showcased so well across so many episodes! I even felt like she got more camera time this season - a testament to the fact that she and Mulder are becoming equals in the eyes of the show. This was the first season where I 100% felt like they were equals (and the first season where Scully outnumbers Mulder in rescues! Yahoo!)

My whump-addicted heart did miss all the saving each other, but at the same time, I’m glad we got a break after Season 2. (A WHOLE SEASON WITHOUT SCULLY GETTING KIDNAPPED! I REJOICED!)

I don’t have many gripes about this season. It was just very consistently high-quality and consistent with itself, though I will say that its consistency made me more irritated with less stellar episodes than I would have been in Season 1 or Season 2. This is probably reflected in my episode ratings. I also think that, while it made sense to do a tonal shift, I could have used just a few more emotional moments in the vein of Season 2. While the stakes aren’t quite so dire this season, it’s still MSR and raw moments between them are part of what keep me coming back to the show. I could have used a little more of that.

My biggest complaint is that I felt like the mytharc episodes got a lot worse after Blessing Way/Paper Clip. I loved the Season 2 mytharc episodes because they directly tied into Mulder and Scully’s story, and the emotional stakes were just as high as the physical ones. Season 3 mytharc episodes had a little too much infodumping and not as much emotional weight as I would have liked. We got SO MANY scenes of Cancer Man or someone else from that group of old white men that I don’t care about talking on the phone and being ominous. A little bit is okay, but at a certain point, I ceased to care.

But overall I felt that this season was VERY strong and VERY binge-able (look no further on your next sick day!) Especially the middle-end of the season I felt was pretty damn near flawless.

Individual episode reviews under the cut:)

The Blessing Way/Paper Clip: A BANGER of a season opener. Easily the best opener the show has done so far. This is what I mean when I talk about balancing infodumping with emotional stakes. We learned so much about the government’s shady behavior and its history, but its ties to Mulder’s father and Scully’s abduction kept it emotionally relevant enough for me to stay invested. Mulder’s borderline-afterlife stint was giving hardcore protagonist energy in a bit of a clichéd way, but it’s okay because at least the Blessing Way ritual is real and they didn’t just make it up (I wouldn’t put it past them). Skinner came through this episode - I know he’s a bit morally ambiguous but I like him! And God, Melissa😭 This death hits so hard because it’s deeply unnecessary, and that’s what makes it so tragic. The scene at the end with Mulder and Scully in the hospital was absolutely beautiful. 10/10

D.P.O: This is what I mean when I say this season made me less forgiving of mediocrity than I would have been back in Season 1. This would have been a totally fine Season 1 episode, but here, especially coming off of Blessing Way/Paper Clip, it was just kind of meh. Not much to say about anything here (except Jack Black! Cool!) 4/10

Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose: Hooray another comedic episode! But also deeply emotionally poignant, and walking the line very well. Peter Boyle was a phenomenal guest star, bringing a mix of humor and genuine grief that was absolutely perfect. Also my comments about Scully being more of a leader this season? This is what I meant! She got so much camera time! She was the one bonding with their important magic person! She solved the case based off of A THREAD OF FABRIC LIKE SOME AGATHA CHRISTIE DETECTIVE! She shot the killer and saved Mulder! What an icon she is. Obviously 10/10

The List: I know this is a well-liked one, but for me, I couldn’t bring myself to enjoy it. I watch this show for supernatural angst and escapism, not to watch prisoners get unfairly treated and beaten up in a way that feels a little too real. Plus Scully was acting lowkey OOC this episode. I just didn’t enjoy watching prisoners get horrifically beaten up, and even though I’m not supposed to enjoy it and the episode is making a point, what can I say? I didn’t enjoy it. Objectively this is probably an 8/10 but closer to a 5.5/10 for me subjectively.

2Shy: Another one where I have to admit my own biases. I did not appreciate the way this episode treated fat people, as a chubby girl myself who can get a tad insecure when watching shows from this era. The episode kept trying to pretend all of these not-even-that-fat women were ugly when they were not (not that being fatter is bad, but it just goes to show how insane 90s body standards were). It just…was not a good time for me, even though it’s objectively a decent monster of the week, I guess. I propose this alternate ending: the fat women being targeted all actually have fulfilling lives, do not need this creep for anything, they all band together and get to beat him to a pulp. Army of beautiful fat women saves the day. Anyway, objectively probably a 6/10, subjectively at more of a 2/10

The Walk: What happened in this episode? I think I fell asleep. But also it was yet again unnecessarily dark and realistic! This is a 2/10

Oubliette: I have mixed feelings on this one. I know what it was trying to do, but for the first time in terms of Mulder trauma episodes, I think it missed the mark a bit. Scully was acting weirdly mean for half of it, and I wish that they’d developed Mulder’s relationship with Lucy a little more. The ending scenes were fantastic, but would have been even more fantastic with the proper buildup. I’ll give this one a 7/10

Nisei/731: And so begins this season’s phenomenal streak! This was an excellent two-parter! While not as emotional as the opening episodes, it was a well-done, high-stakes, fast-paced action story with lots of twists and turns. I loved the ambiguity around what was aliens vs. the government, those super tense scenes between Scully and X (that’s what we call him, right?), Mulder jumping onto the train, Scully getting the exit code from the tape (another noir detective moment!), and of course, X getting Mulder out of that train, adding to the moral complexity of his character. I did feel that Nisei was mostly 731 setup and couldn’t stand as well on its own (a theme of this season), but I still adored this. 9.5/10

Revelations: An episode I don’t see brought up a lot, but I adored! I loved the role reversal of sorts between Scully and Mulder, the episode really allowing Scully to take center stage and be the hero, exploring her relationship with life and religion and her job and her science…all wonderful! Also her relationship with Kevin was so sweet, and her getting the answer off the recycling bin…once again, noir detective moment! And the ending confession scene? Poetry. This was a 10/10 for me!

War of the Coprophages: Comedyyyy! Lmao this was hysterical from start to finish. Some of the scientist scenes were a little boring, but every scene Scully was in was comedic gold. She’s so funny, and we don’t talk about it enough. Her at home is such a mood. Also some truly iconic lines. “Her name is Bambi?” *said with barely concealed jealousy* and of course the iconic “this is no place for an entomologist.” Hilarious. 9.75/10

Syzygy: Apparently this isn’t very well-liked, but I found Mulder and Scully’s bickering to be hilarious. Every duo fights sometimes! And I appreciated the withering humor of this whole episode. Also I liked that the villains were two teenage girls. Given the way they were talking about the other girls in their class…did they even need supernatural involvement to be pure evil? 9/10

Grotesque: I am immediately filled with a deep need for more Mulder profiling. I loved how much it brought out his darkest instincts, and how obsessive he can get about it! What an interesting and phenomenal character exploration! And I really didn’t know if he was possessed or something! Wonderful suspense! And some nice MSR moments, too! This one opens the door to SO MANY fanfic possibilities. Honestly 10/10

Piper Maru/Apocrypha: This is where those problems with the mytharc episodes that I mentioned began to show up. I loved Piper Maru, and thought it was an intriguing setup with lots of suspense, but the payoff in Apocrypha was less fulfilling. Possessed Krycek was such an interesting idea, but we barely got any of him, and the climax of them going to the empty silo was very weak in my opinion. We also got WAY too many old white men on the phone scenes to keep my interest. On the bright side, I loved everything Scully did in this two-parter. Her speech to Skinner at the beginning, her childhood nostalgia, standing guard over Skinner when he’s been shot, and then fully taking down and SCREAMING at Melissa’s killer. We NEVER hear her yell like that - major props to Gillian Anderson. Anyway this was a mixed bag. I’ll give it an 8/10

As I write this, I’m realizing that this is just Scully’s season, isn’t it? As it should be after what they did to her in Season 2.

Pusher: Favorite episode of the season (tied with one other, anyway). I love a Sherlock/Moriarty cat and mouse dynamic, and this pulled me in just like a good old murder mystery novel. Modell is a terrifying villain, his roots in normalcy just as horrifying as his power, and the way Mulder just walks right into his game because he can’t refuse, even though he knows the extent of the danger - DAMN good writing. Plus the way Scully follows Mulder into that hospital without a second thought-her loyalty knows no bounds, and Modell knows that and it makes everything so much worse. And the climactic scenes in the hospital are some of the series’ best (probably the show’s best climax so far). Of course this is a 10/10

Teso Dos Bichos: And so ends the longest streak of greatness. Oh well! This episode was pretty boring, apart from me yelling at the powers that be to please keep the composers away from what I have dubbed the ethnic flute (you know, that one instrument they play every time they’re dealing with a non-White culture). Killer cats is kind of funny I guess? And I do appreciate murdering colonizers. I guess I’ll give this a 4/10

Hell Money: Once again, please take that flute away from them. They need to stop trying to make political episodes about non-White cultures. They’re not good at it. At least they used a real Chinese festival (I looked it up!) and all of the episode’s side characters were actually engaging. I thought Detective Chao’s speech about being American-born and not fitting in with American or Chinese culture was actually pretty interesting and poignant. A small detail, but I also appreciated the use of the lesser-known Cantonese rather than Mandarin (at least according to the subtitles). I’ll give this one a 6.5-7/10 for effort.

Jose Chung’s From Outer Space: My mom said this was her favorite episode and I can see why! Some of the show’s absolute best comedic moments (all of Blaine’s narration, and of course the phenomenal pie scene-which I saw in a compilation and mentally inserted into S1 for months until I was corrected). I will say I got a little too tripped up in the unreliable narrations and alien plot to 100% appreciate the comedy, but I guess that’s kind of the point. 9.5/10

Avatar: I don’t know what the general consensus is on this one, but I really enjoyed it. I think that we’ve now spent enough time with Skinner that it was time for a look into his life - and what a compelling look it was! Characters who close themselves off seemingly for the greater good but end up damaging what matters most are so fascinating, and I liked the moral ambiguity of his guardian spirit thing. My favorite scenes were the ones in the hospital with Sharon - some DELICIOUS parallels to One Breath that had me screaming at the television. 8.5/10

Quagmire: Okay, this was hilarious and poignant and so quintessentially X-Files. But why did the dog have to die? I loved Mulder being sort of desperate for there to be a horrific monster so he could catch it. But why did the dog have to die? The conversation on the rock was amazing and has so many implications for Mulder and Scully both as individuals and as a pair. But why did the dog have to die? Scully winking at the sheriff to get resources was hysterical. But why did the dog have to die? 9.5/10, especially for the 1000/10 conversation on the rock. But why did the dog have to die?

Wetwired: My one complaint about this is that the emotional climax took place so long before the end, and I think the scenes with Mulder and X could have been in the next episode. But GOD, the rest of this?! The ACTING?! The PARANOIA?! The TRAGEDY?! Everything Gillian Anderson did in this episode was perfect. Mulder’s quiet but profound pain when he goes to ID the body, and the way he abandons his quest for her sake in a heartbeat even though he thinks she’s already dead. The scene where Scully tears her room apart, and my God, she’s got SO MUCH trauma for this paranoia thing to tap into, and holy shit Gillian Anderson. The emotional climax. “He’s never trusted me.” “Scully, you are the only one I trust.” And what if I died? Right there? Tied with Pusher for season favorite. 10/10

Talitha Cumi: As a precursor to Herrenvolk, this is fine. As a season finale, it’s weak. Not much happens, most of it is setup, and it doesn’t feel epic. Yes, Anasazi is impossible to follow as a season finale, but this feels the least like a finale of all 3 finales so far. I think Wetwired (with a few tweaks) should have been the finale, and this along with Herrenvolk should have been the Season 4 opener. As a 2-parter with Herrenvolk, maybe an 8/10. As a season finale, 6/10.

That’s it for the season review! Once I go off to school, I’ll be posting much less frequently but still around, so please feel free to send asks, fic requests, etc. Keep an eye out for more meta, fanfic, live reactions, a master post of all my content, and a special post to celebrate 3 seasons (vote on that here) in the coming days:) Until then, the Truth is out there👀

#the x files #x files #txf #txf s3 #dana scully #fox mulder #msr #mulder and scully #mulder x scully #david duchovny #gillian anderson #azure txf reviews

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aceofwhump · 1 year

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Hi! Do you have any favourite recovery fics??? Like Buck recovering from any one of his mishaps (or Anthony Bridgerton, or Matt Casey, or Mike Warren, etc) where they cover the process (the part that shows always skip where in one ep things are absolutely fucked and in the next they’re absolutely fine I’m looking at you and your rebar 9-1-1)

Thanks!!!

I have a TON of good recovery fics. Recovery fics are some of my favorite things to read! Especially really long ones where the character is recovering from a trauma. If you don't mind other fandoms I've got a ton of recovery fics to rec. Not a lot for Anthony Bridgerton or Mike Warren in terms of recovery fics for canon whump sadly. Actually there's not a lot of recovery fics for them period. But I hope some of these other ones will sate you!

The Witcher:

Hold On by CaptainRex_ika

It has been months since that day on the mountain, a day that left Jaskier alone. Now, he finds himself a captive of Nilfgaard, who just want Geralt and that child surprise of his, and they believe Jaskier is the way to get the White Wolf's attention. After all, he is known as the Witcher's Bard. Jaskier believes that this time Geralt won't come for him...not after that day.

warming of a heart by Alexlively88

tws: A/B/O, past rape/non con, abortion/discussion of abortion, rape recovery

Killing a rusalka is just a normal day in Geralt's life. It's just his job. What isn't his job is rescuing abused omegas. He does it anyway. Or, Jaskier is done with life. To his disappointment, life isn't done with him just yet.

If You Ask Me for My Fire (Just Watch Me Burn) by DigitalSaiyan

tws: past rape/non con, rape/noncon, rape recovery,

Jaskier has zero intention of sharing the degrading experience of getting tortured. Ever. He’ll bury the memories and someday they’ll be as scabbed over as Caingorn was. Which had been completely, absolutely, fine. And the only reason that wound is bleeding a little now is because Geralt came out of nowhere—after the most humiliating experience of his entire life—and reopened it. But that’s fine because he’ll leave and return to the terror of his smuggling work and forget about Geralt all over again. There's nothing hard drink and the constant danger of execution won’t get his mind off. There’s something therapeutic about fearing for one’s life that makes anything not of immediate concern go away. So yes, things were just fine before Geralt showed up. Two years post-Caingorn, Geralt rescues Jaskier from jail and sends him with Ciri to Kaer Morhen. However, Geralt starts to suspect Jaskier is hiding serious trauma.

Panic Attacks by AllTheQueensHorses

Jaskier, captured by Nilfgaard and tortured for weeks, has panic attacks because no one knows where he is and no one is coming to rescue him. Basically a giant whump fic with plenty of angst and hurt but no comfort until later. Trigger warnings throughout the whole story for panic attacks.

Broken by GonEwiththeWolveS

In which Geralt finds out Jaskier was tortured. Or, the self-indulgent hurt/comfort fic.

What am I, if not a bard? by Mi_chan

Geralt knows something happened to Jaskier. He doesn't know the details, but he knows he needs to do something to help the bard. Jaskier is stubborn and refuses to talk to him. Geralt doesn't give up that easily, though. ~ Since the series totally downplayed Jaskier's trauma, here's the fix. The bard is hurting, he's scared and doesn't know what to do with himself, but Geralt is there, acknowledging his pain. ~

an incessant burning by 1derspark

“Jaskier,” Geralt prompted after a while. “Can you look at me?” He shook his head and hoped that his mumbled "no" would be heard. Geralt sighed but didn’t try to move him. His hand was running a comforting trail up and down Jaskier’s back. Eventually, he spoke again. “Yen, she told me some things, but I didn’t realize…” He trailed off, and Jaskier could hear him swallow. A click of guilt in the throat. He reached over to Jaskier’s arm. When he didn’t startle or protest Geralt took his arm. He rubbed a gentle finger over the wax burn. It was a barely-there thing, nothing to get all riled up about. But even having his arm exposed made Jaskier want to crawl into a hole. (Or Jaskier’s newfound aversion to fire, and the comfort he deserves.)

Hand in Trembling Hand by PenAndInkPrincess

“I’m sorry,” Jaskier whispers at last. Geralt shifts so he can look at him. “I’m sorry I’m…like this, now.” “You don’t have to be sorry.” (Jaskier has a hard path to walk while he's healing. Geralt and Yennefer help him with this part.)

Ted Lasso:

an excess of warmth or coldness by bartonbones

When Jamie is seriously injured during a match, Roy and Ted are reminded how much they care about him--as a son, or as a younger brother, or as an exposed nerve. Jamie is reminded what it's like to have people care when his face gets knocked in.

Lemons and Lavender by LivingProof

He peels his eyes open. Shit, they really must be giving him the good stuff, cause he could swear he knows that dark figure lurking in the doorway, where his old man came in a few minutes ago. He blinks a few times, waiting for it to vanish. It doesn’t. “Roy?” he croaks. He blinks again, and Roy…or whoever…is standing beside him, 'cept Jamie still can’t tell, cause he can only see his back, cause whoever it is isn’t looking at Jamie, he’s looking across the room. Towards that window. At Jamie’s dad. “The fuck do you fucking think you’re fucking doing here?” Yeah. That’s Roy.

Barn Raising by altschmerzes

After the locker room disaster in Manchester, Roy drives Jamie home. The chaos they find when they arrive at the house swiftly proves it is not a safe place to spend the night, forcing a change of plans and a reroute to Roy’s own home. The following day Jamie experiences, in this order: The most bewildering breakfast of his life, a penalty kick clinic with a seven-year-old, and an overwhelming display from his teammates that brings him face to face with the fact that not only has he been accepted back in Richmond it’s also possible he might be, in a way he can’t remotely process or understand, loved here.

The Same Story by altschmerzes

It would've been traumatic enough for Jamie's father to ruin Richmond's most recent victory in front of the whole team, but when the confrontation turns violent in front of a gaggle of reporters, the ensuing social media firestorm is even worse. Over the next two and a half weeks, Jamie will have to navigate the charges against his father, walk a gauntlet of publicity that he never asked for, and prepare to give the interview of a lifetime.

Sandman

Bones Don't Rust by not_whelmed_yet

The same capture & rescue fic everyone has written, but playing off two ideas: - I wanted to see Dream’s physical recovery take long enough that he could begin his mental/emotional recovery before heading back to the Dreaming - There’s a lot of ways to hurt an anthropomorphic entity without taking them out of their snowglobe

I will find you in your dreams by Salmaka

A story where Dream, confused and weak from his time in isolation doesn't make it back to the Dreaming but ends up in Hob's house instead.

To Learn to Breathe Again by ironlin

Upon returning back to the Dreaming, Dream finds himself struggling. Thankfully, Lucienne is there to help.

9-1-1

To Be Loved by Scribbles97

Buck knew he was spiralling, that the dread that had been shadowing him since leaving the hospital should have left when the doctor had given him the all clear. Yet, he can't help but feel like he's still missing something. Eddie hadn't been able to give him the answers, but maybe Bobby could. Calm, dependable, reassuring, Bobby always had the answers and helped him through stuff.

Goosebumps by Princessfbi

Everyone kept telling Buck he was supposed to rest, but he didn’t know how he was supposed to do that when the cold was an incessant prickling under his skin. Five Times Buck Struggled to Stay Warm After Being Struck By Lightning and Put Into A Coma and One Time He Didn't.

Don't (Wanna) Know Who I Am by altschmerzes

Buck takes a nasty fall out on a job, and when he wakes up, he can't remember anything. Not what happened, not who the people in his hospital room are, not even his own name. The next two weeks he spends being passed from house to house every few days, Chimney, Hen, and Bobby taking turns keeping an eye on him while he tries to remember his life. The way back is slow and hard, and begs the question - who actually is Evan Buckley, and is he someone worth remembering? (Luckily, the rest of the 118 is there with an answer, if not to the first question, then at least to the second.)

Once Upon A Time

puppet strings by bewilderedmoth

Having technically died on more than one occasion now, having finally put all that trauma behind him and settled down in Storybrooke, August had hoped his troubles were long gone. When Gold returns to town in his quest to find the Author, hopes of a trouble free life in the sleepy town crumble away to dust. (A whumpy re-write of August's torture in S4, Ep 16. Set within the 'mess is mine' universe, but not actually canon to that AU)

they are mine by Lil_Redhead

Killian is still trying to deal with his emotional pain after returning from the underworld and all he needs is a motherly touch. Takes place after 5B season finale.

Unforgotten by NothingImpossibleOnlyImprobable

Killian went through so much in his centuries of life, especially in the Underworld. Nightmares were to be expected. This is canon-compliant with my Undefeated story, and it will eventually be a part of a larger collection of works dealing with the aftermath of everything he's survived, and some he didn't.

You can take the boys out of Neverland by WinkyCutto

The Lost Ones don't like having to live by the rules and Henry and his family are about to find out that bringing them back to Storybrooke may not have been the best idea... Hook whump galore, you have been warned.

Superman & Lois

Path to Recovery by Beth4LC

It’s been a month since Clark lost his powers and there are still no clear answers to when he’ll get them back. In the meantime, he focuses on connecting with the members of his family.

Powerless by Beth4LC

Clark is home and recovering after Ally’s near-fatal attack, and he starts to adjust to his new reality.

Lucifer

Deal by hearmerory

Chloe didn't spend five years being best friends with the Devil just to let him go back to Hell. But recovery? Relationships? These are not things Lucifer has ever found easy. In the weeks after Lucifer's return from Hell, he and the humans, angels and demons who surround him find out how long, hard and traumatic those roads can be.

Crystals by OkamiShadou98

After seeing Lucifer's scars, Chloe searches for the truth about her partner and his shadowed past. In doing so, she comes face to face with the psychological demons he shields himself from. Recovery is a long, twisted road for the Devil and his Detective. Eventual Deckerstar.

The Man From Uncle:

Agents, Missions, and Hospitals by Tallihensia

Getting hurt on a mission is enough to make a partner’s blood run cold. The aftermath and recovery, though, is almost as bad. Caring and trust makes it better.

The Martian:

Waiting in the Sky by midnightradio

Mark is back on the Hermes but getting rescued isn't quite as easy as it seemed. Fighting for your life is easy, but living with what you had to do to survive is harder.

I Win, Mars by chuckisgod

You didn't just have to save him. You have to put him back together, too. Ares 3 was in time to save Mark's life, but not quite his mind. The Hermes has hundreds of days of space travel before they all get back to Earth. It's a ship running without maintenance, and the primary engineer has the world's most severe case of PTSD. What happens? Canon-compliant.

Just Keep Going by chuckisgod

"And this is how this story ends. The story of Mark Watney is the story of a man who was stranded on Mars, and instead of giving up he did everything he could to make it back to Earth, because that's the point." What would being abandoned on an entire planet do to someone? A window into Mark's emotional state on Mars. A sincere attempt to stay true to the real-life health effects of solitary isolation.

Life on Earth by watneykingofmars

A series of drabbles and one-shots about Mark Watney readjusting to life on earth.

Avatar the Last Airbender:

Hearth and Home by lets_support_frogs

After his Agni Kai, Zuko flees the Fire Nation without Iroh or his crew. He finds himself stranded, alone, and injured in the Earth Kingdom when taken in and raised as a healer and farmer by an Earth Kingdom couple. He finds new ways to use his bending and to influence in the changing of the war with new understanding of himself, his bending, and the war. As someone with new perspectives and influence he is able to provide a greater understanding of being a teacher, warrior, and friend when meeting the gaang. or Where Zuko gets to recover before using anger to protect himself when he is adopted by a nice Earth Kingdom family

#fic recs #whump #recovery #fanfics #mod's fic recs #mod replies #ask #mod post #i know i'm forgetting some but i'm going blank again #i read too many fics lol

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wollemi-whump · 2 months

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WIJ Day 19 - Favorite Blogs

I could put like fifty but that would take forever so here are ten of the whump blogs I really like!

@whumpdoyoumean (thank you for getting me to watch tv shows also i love your fics :))

@cakeinthevoid (I love your OCs very cool)

@seth-whumps (good posts nice to read)

@whumpninja (your writing is awesome)

@whump-is-love-whump-is-life (fun and nice variety of posts)

@whumpystuff (I just reblogged like twenty posts from them yesterday)

@aceofwhump (your gifmaking posts finally gave me enough confidence to start making gifs :) and yours are always nice to look at)

@cinnamonrollwhump (I've reblogged a ton of stuff from them)

@anguishmacgyver (very nice gifs and im so glad you watched SG-1)

@random-fandom-whump (ol reliable when it comes to whump gifs)

@whumpmasinjuly-archive

#whump #whump event #whump community #wij24day19 #whumpmasinjuly2024 #whump blog #whumpblr

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zaxal · 2 months

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Self-rec time! What are your favorite five fics that you've written and why? After replying to this ask, feel free to tag five other writers to spread the love. 💗

thanks for the tag @ripeteeth !!! i've been sitting on this for a few days because i have not had the fortitude to say nice things about myself or my writing without also being incredibly critical, but i think we're there today.

all of these are the ones that i remember being the most fun to write, the most fun to reread, and the ones i'm proudest of :}

Breaking But Not Yet Broken - Psych, Shassie, M, ~8.1k, 2012

After being held captive and hurt, Carlton's relationship with Shawn starts getting complicated.

this was my first ever whump fic, and it was so fun to write that i have simply never stopped writing whump since lol. like, yes, technically this is me projecting on lassie for 8k words, but it is also an exploration of the loneliness of healing after trauma (even when someone went through the same traumatic event as you!) and allowing yourself to Be vulnerable when you already feel that all your defensive layers have been forcibly removed from you.

both shawn and lassiter are characters with a ton of these defenses, and they try to default back to them or find comfort in them (with mixed amounts of success) but even when they aren't working (and they can recognize that they aren't working), they can't simply Stop their bullshit.

Mistakes We Never Made (Until Today) - Psych, Shassie, E, ~3.6k, 2015

Things pick up from where they started. His marriage is on its last legs, and Shawn Spencer comes waltzing back into his life.

so this is a post-canon fic where happily-ever-after fails, the canon relationships break up (and it IS the men's fault to be clear; juliet and marlowe have never done anything wrong in their lives--), and these two decide to use each other to self destruct.

and i love it kdsjfksd. look. i love fluffy shassie. i love romantic shassie. i love slow burn shassie. but they are both capable of being such unrepentant assholes, and writing them being their worst selves is so much fun. an extreme vibe of 'bitter exes but they just started dating.'

everything lost - Good Omens (TV), Aziraphale/Crowley, Gabriel/Aziraphale (One-Sided, Abusive), E, ~33k, 2023

For two-thousand years, Aziraphale was sexually harassed and assaulted by the Director of Heavenly Operations. Years after Aziraphale and Crowley break free from Heaven and Hell entirely, Gabriel shows up on Aziraphale's front step with no clothes, no memories, no divine powers, and an inexplicable, unshakeable attachment to Aziraphale. Old and new trauma alike plague Aziraphale as he struggles to get rid of Gabriel without bringing the wrath of Heaven down on him and Crowley both.

i saw the GOs2 trailer and lost my mind. this plot bunny sprung forth from my mind fully formed like athena. she was written and published before the season dropped because i felt in my heart that gabriel would get a face-turn and people would get weird about dark!gabriel fics, and because i wanted it to be irrefutable that i knew nothing about the season before writing.

which didn't need to be a thing i was worried about at all lol. but i had a trailer, a poster, a feather duster, and a dream, and i made it work.

aziraphale whump, my beloved. love using aziraphale's kindness, pragmatism, and manners to keep him locked in a deeply unpleasant situation that's slowly whittling away at his nerves and sanity.

i also really love putting crowley in an outsider position. aziraphale hasn't told him what happened; it's supposed to be over. when crowley wakes up and starts to help him, the presumption is that they'll get this settled and then never see gabriel again, so what point is there in bringing up old hurt? i love writing crowley and aziraphale as a Team, but they spent 6k years pretending they aren't, and i like thinking about the residual habits that they're gonna have to work to get rid of.

Ash and Blood - Psych, Shassie, E, ~61k, 2015

A string of identical murders leads Lassiter down a dark and treacherous path.

in 2012 @inouken asked me to write a lassie vampire fic and i emerged three years later with a novel. like a normal person!

this is really long lassie whump with some shawn whump thrown in for spice. it could count as case fic, if you're good with knowing who the killer is in the first 5 chapters.

because this is one of zax's first wordcount monstrosities, i had a lot more room to play around with characters. shawn and lassiter's relationship develops fast, but i had more room for them to become serious about each other instead of it being right away immediately (even tho those feelings were already there). i played around with some OCs and tested them against the main ship. my biggest regret is not doing more with gus and juliet, but the bits of them that are in here really lead towards the strong relationships they have with their respective partners and are v in character and i'm proud of them.

but OVERALL i really love this fic. i feel like there's a good balance to psych humor vs being in lassiter's head (when babygirl is naturally grim and grumpy when he's Not dealing with suddenly dying and becoming a vampire), relationship fluff vs people dying and figuring out how to fight back, and developing an understanding of the OCs i introduced (feds and santa barbara vampires) and how they fit into finding/taking care of The Killer.

Lambs To The Slaughter - Good Omens (Book/TV), Aziraphale/Crowley, Lucifer/Aziraphale, E, ~142k WIP, 2019 - Present

An angel and a demon dance along the knife's edge of destruction together in an eternal waltz. The demon who had been Aziraphale and the angel who would be Crowley answer to powerful forces that care not for the individual cogs in their celestial machines. This will be their undoing.

twirling my hair, so this is lambs, my reverse omens fic where aziraphale is the sheep demon azram and crowley is the star-spinner seraph corvai. it's my pride and joy and wouldn't exist without @transfemmbeatrice for brainstorming, obsessing with me for YEARS, writing large portions of the middle-end and end with me, and making corvai and azram Real with me.

i go into many AUs with the mindset that i want to push my faves off script. i want them to still be recognizable as themselves, but i wanna see just how far i can twist them around the core of Who They Are.

and i went into lambs with the idea that i wanted azram to be someone terrible but not irredeemable. the idea that he would be simply 'evil' and written off as such didn't appeal to me. i wanted to ask Why a character like aziraphale (a blended form of book and tv; this is why god uses they/them pronouns to set them apart from both) would become harsh, cruel, possessive, sadistic, beyond just Falling and just Being that way after. and how to balance that with the softer parts of who aziraphale is (as said earlier in the bit about everything lost: kind, despite everything, and so capable of loving both crowley, humanity, and earth to his own detriment).

corvai is, similar to aziraphale, a good angel. she is what a good angel should be. unlike aziraphale, corvai is a punk with authority issues and a lot of anger at heaven, at god, and at themself. trade in canon crowley's anxiety for constantly simmering anger and a lack of experience dealing with demons other than azram that means corvai lacks crowley's defensive layers of cool. he's very open and earnest, even when he knows it's a quick way to getting hurt.

i originally wanted there to be some question about whether corvai was secretly raphael but i added the tag to clarify later that they're not. azram will take his time learning this, because azram is an idiot even though corvai, unlike the rest of the seraphim, cannot heal, and raphael is, famously, the healer.

i could keep going but i'm going to cut it off there bc this post is long enough and our power blinked so i'm scared if it'll even post and if you read this far, congrats! i'm sorry!

tagging: @transfemmbeatrice @anethara @andithil @alivingsaint @christocentricqueer

#psych #good omens #reverse omens #shassie #ineffable husbands #fic rec #long post

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itwasthereaminuteago · 2 years

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Daredevil Masterlist

One Shots

Atomic - Tumblr Black Suit of Sin Smut. E.

Working Lunch - Tumblr Earth 65 Matt Murderdock x female reader, CNC, fingering, cunilingus, unprotected sex, mention of possible future pregnancy. E.

Rain - Tumblr first date, kiss and time request. E.

Part Of Me - Tumblr | Ao3 venom symbiote!Matt X female reader, tentacle porn with fluffy feelings. E.

No Show - Tumblr female reader x Matt Murderdock x Elektra, reader gets stood up but has a blast of a night anyway! E.

More - Tumblr college!Matt x virgin reader request, Matt's gentle at first but gets a bit carried away, smut, E.

Drunk in Love - Tumblr ¦ Ao3 Matt x gn!reader. Alcohol mention, vomiting, fluff, humour. M.

Move Me - Tumblr ¦ Ao3 boxer Matt X dancer f!Reader. Mild angst, fluff. G.

Wish These Snakes Were Your Arms - Matt x succubus reader smutty whump with biting, blood and season 3 style depression. E.

Returns and Reruns - Tumblr ¦ Ao3 Fratt, hookup, sort of established kind of thing. Anal sex. E

Turn - Tumblr ¦ Ao3 priest!matt/f!reader, tons of religious tropes, sacrilicious oral (f & m) and sex, corruption, E.

Listen - Tumblr ¦ Ao3 college!Matt/gn reader, masturbation, voice kink. E.

Good Girls Finish First - Tumblr ¦ Ao3 Matt/female reader, praise kink smut, p in v, slight denial. E.

La Belle et le Bad Boy - Tumblr ¦ Ao3 Matt Murdock/Succubus!Reader, pheromones, smut. E

Assist - Tumblr ¦ Ao3 Matt Murdock/Reader, ANGST drabble, Matt finds out reader is Elektra's sister. G

Justify - Tumblr ¦ Ao3 Matt Murdock/F!Reader, shibari rope bondage, religious tropes, maximum smut, oral, multiple orgasms, p in v sex, overstim, E

Keep Them On - Tumblr | Ao3 Matt Murdock/F!Reader, he's wearing sweatpants. E

Forgiven - Tumblr ¦ Ao3 Matt Murdock/gn!reader, you find out Matt is DD... angsty but feelings! M

Discipline (full, part 1) - Tumblr ¦ Ao3 Matt Murdock/F!Reader, shibari rope bondage, oral (f and m), unprotected sex, E

Discipline (Drabble) - Tumblr Matt Murdock/reader, Matt's having trouble stopping himself and asks you for help. A shibari drabble which is currently being extended! M(will change to E)

Ease - Tumblr ¦ Ao3 Matt Murdock / f!Reader. Period Pain, Smut, Fingering, Fluff. E

So Heavy I Fell Through the Earth - Tumblr ¦ Ao3 Matt Murdock / f!Reader. Sort of somnophilia, Matt is amazing at eating pussy. E

Hold the Avo - Tumblr Matt Murdock/f!Reader. Roleplay, f gentle Dom, first time m anal. E

Sacrament - Tumblr ¦ Ao3 Matt Murdock / f!Reader. Honeymoon sex in the hotel. E

Part I, The Deep Cut - Tumblr ¦ Ao3 Matt Murdock / gn!Reader. Angst, Breakup, Whump M

Part II, Lover, You Should Have Come Over - Tumblr ¦ Ao3 Matt Murdock x gn! Reader, hurt/comfort, whump M

The Green, Green Dress - Tumblr ¦ Ao3 Matt Murdock / f!Reader. Semi-public sex. E

Assignation - Tumblr ¦ Ao3 Matt Murdock / Frank Castle / f!Reader. Threesome E

Drabbles

Werewolf!Matt - what it says on the tin. E.

Shop Talk - Murderdock is very busy with work, but that isn't going to prevent him from keeping you satisfied. Semi public sex, E

One last try - Matt x gender neutral reader. angsty, jealousy bit of smut. M.

Don't Ask - cunnilingus and Matt getting pussy drunk, coming untouched. E.

Not You - Fratt, angst, very whumpy torture, blood, suffering, mention of death. E.

Attached - no warnings, humour, fluff. G.

Matt kiss thots 😘

Sleepy Head - soft slightly smutty Fratt. M.

Xmas - Matt Murdock x gn reader, Matt is dog tired and you take care of him. G

Pancakes - Matt x Frank x gn reader. the boys have been out on patrol and come back a little worse for wear. G

Matt has a nightmare - Matt x Frank, fluff. G.

"I know for a fact that you can be a hell of a lot louder than that" - Matt x f!reader + bit of Frank, oral. E

Those Silent Sirens - Matt/f!reader, sexy/angsty drabble about two vigilantes. M.

Dissent from the Fear - f! Reader, small drabble, G.

Soft Matt thoughts gn!reader, for when you're down, G.

Tasting Notes - gn!reader, taking Matt on a wine tasting date, fluff G.

A Velvet Rope - poetic angst about Matt and love. G

Genesis - Matt Murdock/F!reader, fluffy love drabble with a lil surprise at the end. G

Judge and Jury - short Matt Murdock angst. M

Matt/Frank/Reader Strawberryverse

🍓 When Girls Telephone Boys - Tumblr ¦ Ao3 Matt/Frank/Reader, missing your guys while they're away, you call and get them to play for you... Bukkake, E.

🍓 Bad Taste - Tumblr ¦ Ao3 Matt/f!reader, Matt gets mean after a chase (alluded to in Crosshairs), degradation, p in v, aftercare. E.

🍓 Crosshairs - Tumblr ¦ Ao3 Frank/Matt/Reader, reader shoots Matt in the ass with a paintball gun. Fluff M.

🍓 Please Hold - Tumblr ¦ Ao3 Matt Murdock/Frank Castle/f!Reader, orgasm denial, Matt being bratty, sub Matt, Dom Frank, teasing, fingering. E

🍓 Warpath - Tumblr ¦ Ao3 Frank/Matt/f!reader part 2 of Please Hold, bratty Matt gets what he deserves when Frank comes home, anal, oral, threesome. E.

🍓 Strawberry Surprise - Tumblr ¦ Ao3 Matt Murdock/Frank Castle/f!Reader. Semi-public smut. E

🍓 Perfect for Me - Tumblr ¦ Ao3 Frank Castle/F Reader, little bit of cheeky gun euphemism, soft Dom Frank. Only a tiny bit smutty. M

#matt murdock x reader #matt murdock x frank castle #fratt x reader #matt murdock angst #matt murdock fluff #matt murdock smut

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vechter · 2 months

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3, 11, 19, 23, and 25 ❤️

hi<3

3. omg i don't have a screenshot but i recently saw someone claim that dick grayson sucks because he's homophobic and they had one or two completely random comic panels trying to back that claim up? WILD. that was an immediate block

11. this one isn't limited to just dc so i have like over 100 filters lmao. a lot of them are those "__ x reader" ones tho because i engage with a ton of formula 1 content and there's a lot of that in there

19. i'm mad and very very ashamed that i'm actually intrigued by the whole dick grayson as renegade or deathstroke's apprentice concept. i know that it's primarily popular because of the animated show and the actual time in canon dick was "renegade" was him training rose but i'm kind of into the idea of an odd month or summer or sth during those robin years where dick is forced to apprentice for slade and actively hates himself and slade for every second of it. not in a shippy way or even a very whump-torture-galore way but just for the rancid vibes. i'm not proud of this

23. oooh. i don't rlly think there is a ship like that for me- if i decided not to like a ship, i have stayed not liking it. first and foremost, i am a hater. (if we're talking non-dc, maybe blair and dan from gossip girl. i absolutely hated that ship when i saw the show as a teen but i have come to appreciate it now)

25. alr answered!! but like i said, first and foremost, im a hater so i'll happily give u another one- devin grayson gets crucified waaaay too much. like yeah she did problematic things with dick's character and his supporting cast in nw'96 and a lot of it was based in her own warped experiences with race and sexuality and gender, but i don't usually see any other writer getting sooooo much hatred. like, yeah man she wrote some seriously problematic stuff and we should hold her accountable for all of it!!! but she also wrote some excellent issues in the nw run itself, not to mention other comics- titans 99 my beloved, a good chunk of gotham knights etc. idk i've truly not seen the same level of vitriol for other writers who have also perpetuated horrible stereotypes and their own problematic world-views.

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crash-bump-bring-the-whump · 5 months

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Whumpril 2024 - Day 14 - Urgent Care

I love whumperless medical whump SO much so this has been eating me alive

TWs: Surgery, awareness under anesthesia, gore, blood, stabbing mention

Tuesday night was going well, Liam thought. He'd only had to help with one surgery that night, and was forty-five minutes into his break when he was paged. "Emergency Room" flashed across the tiny screen.

With a sigh, he slid his hands through short black hair and stood. The rest of his mid-shift meal would have to wait. He was the only anesthesiologist on site at the moment, so whichever poor sap was showing up soon would need him there, just in case.

Pale blue walls passed by in a flash as Liam's shoes squeaked against the tile floors. His favorite nurse, Jesse, met up with him as he neared the emergency room where the others were waiting. "Doctor Beryl!" He said, stark white bangs pinned back, and nervous, light eyes meeting Liam's. "EMS is four minutes away. A young transgender male, severe blood loss reported, apparent knife wounds, it's looking bad."

"Well, good thing I already chugged half a monster, yeah?" Liam said, watching the dark glass of the sliding doors for the ambulance. "Were there any other victims?"

"No, no, just the one. And there's someone already on the way from the nurses' station to meet the...family member? Partner? Whoever the guy is." Jesse checked his watch as flashing lights and sirens screamed into the parking lot. "Oh—and you have your station set up?"

"Always. And we're still on for Sunday brunch? It's your turn to pick, Jess."

"You know it. My turn to pick, your turn to pay." Jesse's eyes crinkling with his smile was the last thing Liam saw before the patient was wheeled in.

A flurry of noise heralded the doors swinging open, and the EMTs rushed in, surrounding a gurney. Clothes had already been stripped away, leaving dark, scarred, bloodied skin open for scrutiny. Gloved hands and gauze kept deep, vicious wounds from letting blood rush forward. Long, black hair was tied back, and equally dark eyes were open and dazed. They wandered, lingering on faces, seemingly trying to follow the ping-pong match of orders and answers.

Liam fell into step with his colleagues as they swapped with the EMTs, replacing their hands and whisking the whole crowd down the hall to the trauma bay. They poked and prodded, setting IV lines and attempting to get answers from the man they worked on as they walked—no one seemed to mind when he couldn't quite answer.

The trauma bay doors swung open to let them into the pristine room, and Liam saw Jesse dart to the blood products. "Grabbing O-negative, two liters."

"Good, good, get the warmer going too. We don't need him going hypothermic." Liam called as the trauma surgeon started to scrub in. "And help Doctor Gene gown up."

He looked to Mariano then as the gurney came to a stop and Doctor Gene spoke up. "Doctor Beryl, start getting him under. His name is Mariano Ortiz."

"On it." Liam pressed sticky leads onto Mariano's skin, then pulled the oxygen mask from his respirator forward, catching Mariano's attention. "I'm Doctor Beryl, I'll be your anesthesiologist." Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jesse double-checking the blood was being warmed and the infusion rate was set properly. "All you have to do is breathe and count backwards from ten."

Mariano didn't try to pull away, but Liam saw the peaks and valleys of his already-too-quick heartbeat quicken further. "Hey, hey, it's alright. You don't have to stay awake anymore." He said, pressing the cushioned plastic over Mariano's nose and mouth. "I'll be right next to you the whole time that you're asleep. Close your eyes, Mariano."

Mariano's expression never changed, but Liam smiled behind his mask as he watched him purposely take a deeper breath. Dark eyes grew visibly heavier, fluttering like his lashes suddenly weighed a ton. "That’s it. We have you." Not seconds later, he was asleep, and Liam shifted his attention to the monitors. He watched Mariano fall into deeper sleep, reaching to start tapering the sedative dose into something less heavy.

"Alright, he's under." Liam called, Doctor Gene began to take over and the techs began to swarm again. Electricity filled the air, everyone focused on their specific tasks, guided by Doctor Gene's easy demeanor.

"Analgesics being administered now, paralytic following."

"Let's find this bleed then, start the suction."

"Should we set up the curtain?"

"No, it'll be fine. We can't waste any more time."

Liam let it all fall away, his attention fixed on making sure that Mariano was breathing well as the others worked. Once his airway was secured and he saw that the respirator was doing its job, Liam sat back. Doctor Gene had the most intense job, but the junior doctors didn't call him the hospital's bloodhound for nothing.

Mariano picked a good day to get stabbed three times, at least.

He kept glancing between his three points of concern in regular intervals. Five seconds on his monitors, five on the actual machinery, then five on Mariano's face, always on the lookout for changes. It was routine. Familiar. It kept everyone who came through the operating room safe.

Thirty minutes in, Jesse spoke up. "...Does he look tense?"

One of the others hummed. "Maybe, what was his weight?"

"Two-seventy-one." Jesse answered. "Should we dose him a little more with the painkillers, Doctor Gene?"

"Yes, please. Ten more milligrams, to be on the safe side."

Liam gave the painkillers, watching how Mariano almost immediately started to relax again, then glanced back at the monitors. The numbers were looking good, he was breathing well, and color was even starting to return to his face with the fresh blood circulating through him. Liam breathed just a little bit easier.

Another page came through, almost making him jump. "Emergency Room" it read. "God dammit--" Liam groaned. "We have another coming in, someone keep an eye on the monitors, Doctor Gene knows what to do if he starts to decline."

He hurried out, tossing his gloves as he did in favor of new ones. The ambulance arrived, Liam accompanied the patient back, and after getting them under so that their broken tibia could be reset, he hurried back towards the first trauma bay. With the snap of fresh, clean gloves, Liam took his place at Mariano's shoulder again, and his heart almost stopped.

Almost-black met Liam's eyes, searching, pleading almost. Mariano was awake. His pulse was speeding up. Mariano was afraid. He needed to move. If he didn't fix this, his patient might be traumatized.

Why hadn't anyone noticed?

"Hey Mariano, I see you. We had another emergency come in, but I'm here again." He said, leaning closer and resting a hand on his forehead. His voice was far, far steadier than he felt. He shifted himself to block Mariano's view of his own opened, bloodied body. "Eyes on me, now, I'm the prettiest person here anyway. I'm gonna help you get back to sleep."

Dark eyes locked onto Liam's and he nodded at Mariano. "That's it, I'm going to take care of you, just like I promised." He reached his free hand over to the IV bag that held the anesthetic cocktail. "This is going to hit you in just a few seconds, close your eyes now."

Mariano hesitated, and Liam started sliding his thumb along his brow. Back and forth, like he was trying to soothe a kitten to sleep, Liam kept up the predictable, gentle motion. He eased the dosage upwards, eyes switching between Mariano's face and the monitor showing his vitals. "I'm going to try to make sure that you don't remember this, I know it's not fun." Mariano's eyes started to drift closed again, and Liam felt his own heart start to relax.

He only leaned back again with a sigh when he was sure that Mariano was properly under again.

"C'mon Beryl, you know I'm the real beauty queen here." Doctor Gene teased, before his voice softened. "Sorry we didn't catch that."

"Well--can't say I blame you, those stabs were deep. It happens." Liam admitted. "How's he looking?"

"Just about got him done, then we'll head over for a CT, make sure nothing else is waiting to rear its head. Are you coming with?"

"The other one's a broken leg, and Anise has it locked down until the on-call gets here." Liam kept his hand on Mariano's forehead, watching as Doctor Gene started stitching up the last stab wound. "So yeah, I can actually keep my promise, now."

@whump-captain @whumpr @whumperofworlds @lektricwhump @cyberwhumper @bxtterflystxtches @inscrutable-shadow @honeybees-125

#whumpril2024 #whumprilday14 #day 14 #urgent care #blood #gore #awareness under anesthesia #surgery #stabbing mention #liam #mage of violence #I mean technically an ER is FULL of urgent care

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letstalkwhump · 1 year

Text

Welcome to Let’s Talk Whump, a series of interviews that spotlight the amazing people in our whump community! I’m Malice and I’ll be your host today.

Here today to talk all things whumpy is the brilliant @whumpcereal!

It’s great to have you here! Let’s start with a fact or two about yourself like your favorite color or favorite animal?

My name is Kay, and I’m a high school teacher in my 30’s. Besides whumping unsuspecting gentlemen, my hobbies include reading a lot, belting out showtunes, cooking for people I love, hitting up new bars and restaurants with friends, and traveling. And since you asked–and as a teacher, I hate unanswered questions–I’ve recently realized that orange might be my favorite color, and I love gorillas.

What does whump mean to you?

It’s the sort of pressing-on-a-bruise feeling that is wrapped up in watching someone suffer and then be comforted. It’s the need for vulnerability and human connection. It’s watching Prince Philip get chained to a wall and not understanding why you find it so magnetic, but you do, haha!

How did you find the whump community? What made you want to join?

I was writing for the Newsies fandom (I know) during the pandemic, and one of my favorite authors tagged her epic work with “whump.” I clicked the tag on tumblr, and I found @lonesome--hunter’s Ezra almost immediately; I fell down the rabbit hole and never came out. After Ezra, I spent a good long time with @ashintheairlikesnow’s Danny and then @galaxywhump’s Wren. I realized that a lot of what I was putting in my own writing could be classified as “whump,” but I wasn’t sure how to join in the fun. I lurked for a while and then beta-ed for @darkthingshappen before I got brave enough to post my own stuff. But part of what motivated me to start posting was just how supportive and welcoming the whole community is. On AO3, you can get tons of hits but almost no real engagement; with whump, that’s totally different. It makes my little dopamine receptors ping.

The whump community is amazingly supportive! Do you think your view on or the way you consume whump changed since you joined?

I am definitely a hurt/comfort gal. I can’t do the hurt without the comfort, and I need my whump to be strongly oriented in the characters’ feelings, whether we’re talking whumpers or whumpees. I struggle when a character is just getting the shit kicked out of them endlessly; I want them to have some relief, even if the relief is bittersweet or painful in its own way. I also find it easier to whump an OC than I do a fandom character, just because if they’re mine, I can build the kind of backstory that makes the whump reasonable.

And your favourite whump trope?

I do like noncon. Whump is a genre where I’ve really been able to explore scary things that have happened to me, and when a whumpee has an honest (and not needlessly gratuitous) nonconsensual experience, I gravitate toward it, especially if they’re allowed to explore the aftermath and how it makes them feel. I also love a mute whumpee–probably because I watched The Little Mermaid too many times growing up. Something about the helplessness of being trapped in your own body and at the mercy of others–hey, whumperflies! Captivity whump too, especially anything in the BBU. The BBU was one of my favorite discoveries when I found the community. It provides such rich opportunities!

Captivity whump is so good! Would you mind sharing a favourite piece you've written? (the following pieces may contain non-explicit nsfw references)

Ooooh. Well, I guess I’ll choose one from each of my series. For Jack, my first and forever whumpee in Behavior Modification, and his caretaker, my wish-fulfillment fake husband, Joe, it’s this piece with their little girl. It’s something that I wrote in basically a single stretch one afternoon last summer, and I’m proud of it because it shows both how far Jack has come in his recovery and how much everything he’s gone through is still affecting him. It also shows how fierce of a protector Joe is, even though Jack’s got strength of his own. Plus, Hallie, their little girl, was super fun to create. She’s a feisty little thing, and I liked the idea of looking at such a dark, violent system through a child’s eyes.

For The Kennel, it’s this piece which immediately follows my boy Will after his best friend Tommy is forced to assault him. It’s got the aftermath of noncon, plus it includes a lot of world building for my scary whumper, Doc, and his particular set-up. It really sets up the horror of the situation in which Will and Tommy have found themselves and also emphasizes the stories of other whumpees whose stories I’d love to explore (Justin and Tony, I’m looking at you). Plus, it gives Annie–who’s technically the caretaker in this story, even though she’s been abused herself–a chance to think about how she’s been raised and the way her father treats people. My favorite moment is when Will just breaks down completely, because we haven’t seen him do that yet. It’s a human moment, and he’s feeling so much less than human that it’s almost cathartic.

And then, honorable mention to this piece where I crossover my two stories and let Jack help Will as his post-rescue counselor. I had so much fun with that reveal!

Oh wow, I love the Kennel piece! You’ve broken my heart with Justin and Will! Would you like to share your writing routine with us?

I’ve actually been riding a bit of a block lately, but typically, I am an evening writer. No drinks or snacks, but usually movie scores that match the mood of what I’m writing. On good nights, it’s big blocks; on others, it’s just a sentence here and there (that’s been where I’m at lately). I try to write a little every day, but again, it’s been rough lately. Being a teacher at the end of the year is just as hard as being a student, haha.

I can only imagine! Are some things easier for you to write? Anything you struggle with writing?

I have an easier time writing recovery than I do straight whump, which is sometimes a bummer, because the whump community doesn’t seem to like recovery quite as much. So, I’ll pour myself into a recovery piece I have big feelings about, and then it won’t get quite as much traffic and engagement as when I’m roughing up the boys. I am very careful about how I write noncon. I think I do a decent job, but I try to approach it from a place of sensitivity to the person who is suffering versus engaging through violence alone. That can take a lot of time and thought and big feelings.

And is there anything you're working on at the moment?

I do have a fantasy crossover miniseries with Jack, Joe, and Ivan and @oddsconverts’ Josh and Felix that I’ve had a really fun time working on. I need to write a little intro before I post it. I need to go back to Jack and his intimacy consultations at WRU, and AU AU Joe and his reaction to the Drip. Poor Will and Tommy are in desperate need of attention; I need to get Will sold away so all the drama can increase. Maybe during summer vacation?

Do you have a joke or pun you would like to share to spread some smiles today? I am only funny on accident. Just ask my students. ;-)

Do you have any writing advice you’d like to share?

I’m great at giving advice to others, but absolute shit at following that advice myself. For instance, write for you. Don’t write for hits, likes, reblogs, etc. Just write what you want to read. Write as often as you can. During the pandemic, what got me back into writing after years of thinking about it was trying to write a little every day. Find you some writing friends who will get excited with you when there’s something you can’t wait to write about.

Finally, would you like to give a mention to some of the amazing people in the whump community?

I already mentioned some of my favorites, but shout outs to @hold-him-down (whom I was lucky enough to eat very expensive risotto with this spring and whose Leo is one of my very favorite whumpees), @peachy-panic (58 Days is one of my VERY favorites), @whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump (whose Wyatt has my whole heart), and @squishablesunbeam (I mean, Jesse? Come on!). My first friends in the whump community were @darkthingshappen (creator of my Benny baby), @oddsconvert (whose series are all so beautifully written that I can’t choose a favorite–she even made me like vampire whump–and who is my wonder twin forever), and @sparrowsage (go check out his new stuff!).

Thank you so much for joining us, @whumpcereal ! It was a pleasure to have you here!

And to all you lovely folks at home, have a whump-derful day!

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whump-or-whatever · 1 year

Text

Whump Vignette #9

Contents: defiant whumpee, bound to table, torture, torture with audience, knife & cuts, begging, blood loss, sort of gleeful whumper, implied past torture, implied team dynamic

• • •

Whumpee awoke with a start, quickly discovering that their wrists were bound above their head, their feet to the bottom of the table they laid on. They blinked hard to clear their vision before looking around. Movement in the corner of their eye drew their attention. Upon recognizing who it was, they sank back onto the table, muscles relaxing. A smug look crossed their face. “Ahh. I should have known it’d be you.”

Whumper spread their arms wide with a grin. “Who else?”

“What do you want this time?” Whumpee asked, almost sounding bored.

Whumper pursed their lips. “Who says I want anything? I guess, if I had to say, I want to… have some fun?”

Whumpee laughed at that. “You’ve got a screwed up idea of fun. Have you ever tried… dinner and a movie? You know, going out to a show? What about water parks? Man, those are tons of fun.”

“You’re funny,” Whumper smiled, approaching the table. They leaned their hands on the edge of it, giving Whumpee a once-over. “That’s precisely what’s going to make this so much fun.”

Whumpee’s face fell into a darker expression. “You know I’ve been through this whole torture thing before, yeah?”

“Of course.” Whumper nodded. “But now, there’s bonus content.”

Whumpee rolled their eyes, looking away in annoyance. “What in gods green earth are you on about now?”

Whumper wore a huge smile. “Torture. Been there, done that. Boring, right? But torture with an audience?” They raised a brow.

This got Whumpee’s attention, and they turned to regard Whumper apprehensively. Whumper’s grin grew impossibly larger as they leaned in close to Whumpee. “That’s right. Your friends are watching.”

Whumper turned to look over their shoulder, and Whumpee followed their line of sight to a white surveillance camera mounted in the corner of the room. A small red light blinked steadily on it.

Wearing a mocking pout, Whumper asked, “what do you think now, still too boring for you?”

Whumpee had to shake themself from their racing thoughts. Theoretically, it shouldn’t change anything. But realistically, it changed everything. Whumpee was never one to show weakness in front of others, but they now knew that that was exactly what Whumper wanted. They wouldn’t stop until Whumpee was a bleeding, broken mess splayed out on the table for the others to see.

Steeling themself, Whumpee met Whumper’s gaze steadily. “Meh. Still boring. Sort of overdone, if you ask me.”

Whumper’s smug expression faltered for a fraction of a second, just long enough for Whumpee to notice and take great satisfaction. When they recovered, Whumper shrugged casually. “We’ll see about that.”

With that, Whumper pulled a folding knife out of their pocket, opening it up to reveal a razor-like blade. Whumpee eyed it warily but maintained their cool exterior.

Whumper glanced back over their shoulder at the camera and called, “I hope you’re paying attention, this is about to get good.” Then, they turned back around with a sadistic smirk and placed the knife to the skin just over Whumpee’s ribs, pulling the first of many lines.

Whumpee pursed their lips, refusing to cry out. This didn’t seem to faze Whumper. “You’ve heard of death by a thousand cuts?” Whumper asked as they pulled a second cut just below the first. When Whumpee didn’t respond they continued. “What do you say we see how close we can get before you beg me to stop, hmm?”

Whumpee laughed, partly at what Whumper had said and partly as a coping mechanism for the pain. “I’m not gonna beg you for shit.”

Whumper tsk’d at them. “Best not make promises you can’t keep.”

• • •

Whumpee didn’t know how long it had been, nor how many cuts had been inflicted on their body. They expected Whumper was counting, but if they were they didn’t share the number out loud. All Whumpee knew was that every inch of their arms and chest was covered in blood and stinging cuts. They laid on the table, eyes completely unfocused, head lolled to the side and mouth agape as they rode out the pain.

Whumper dragged the knife along a particularly sensitive spot on the inside of their upper arm and Whumpee groaned, trying their hardest not to whimper as Whumper pressed it in deeper than the other cuts.

When the knife left their skin, Whumpee’s eyes fell shut in relief. Then, they shot back open as a hand smacked them across the face. Through the haze of blood loss, Whumpee forced their vision to focus on Whumper where they floated above them.

“Should I continue?” Whumper asked as casually as someone asking if they should try a particular menu item at a restaurant.

Whumpee’s brow creased in confusion. Another snack had them scrambling to figure out what exactly they were supposed to say. “Do you want me to continue?” Whumper asked more forcefully this time.

“No,” Whumpee responded, half way between a statement and a question.

Whumper rested their elbows on the table beside Whumpee, leaning over them with a smile. “Then beg me to stop.”

“What?”

Whumper dug their knife into the skin over Whumpee’s hip bone, dragging it upward viciously slow. Whumpee screamed from behind closed lips, back arching even as they tried to squirm away from the knife. “Beg. Me. To. Stop.” Whumper repeated calmly.

When the blade ceased its searing path, Whumpee collapsed back down on the table, exhausted. “I- Please. Please, Whumper. Stop.” They choked out the words, hating how broken and ragged their voice sounded. Their eyes were drawn back to the ever-blinking light in the corner of the room and a wave of shame washed over them, causing them to look away, face red.

Whumper patted Whumpee on the shoulder roughly, causing them to gasp in pain. “I knew I’d make a liar of you. And it only took one session. How disappointing.” Whumper mocked. “No matter. There’s plenty more fun to be had.”

Whumpee clenched their jaw, licking their dry lips. They hated everything about this more than they could remember hating anything else in their life. It wasn’t the pain or even Whumper. It was the fact that their friends would be there to witness their undoing. To see them unravel bit by bit as they inevitably would. To recognize just how weak and vulnerable Whumpee really was when it came right down to it. That was the worst torture they could imagine, and Whumper knew it.

• • •

Fin

#whump #whump writing #whump vignette #defiant whumpee #gleeful whumper #torture whump #implied past torture #blood loss whump #knife whump #cutting whump #team whump #might have done something like this before but I had to get it out of my head

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evilwriter37 · 11 months

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From thedragonandhisboy: I have an evil whump question for you...

What is your favorite Hiccup whump for each season of both shows? Like season 1 of ROB, we loovve the lightning strike. Season 3? You know it's gotta be stryke out. I think season 4 is a rough choice...

Hm... I haven't watched RoB and DoB in a while. I do know When Lightning Strikes is an awesome episode for whump at the end. DoB, from what I can remember, Hiccup gets so beat up from fighting the Screaming Death that first time.

Time to refer to that handy list on my pinned post about episodes with Hiccup whump.

RTTE Season 1: There's not a ton of whump in season 1, but I like Hiccup getting knocked around a lot in Imperfect Harmony.

RTTE Season 2: Another not very whumpy season for Hiccup. The Zippleback Experience though? Very whumpy for him.

RTTE Season 3: Definitely Stryke Out. He was gassed and chained up and beaten around. It was so fun.

RTTE Season 4: Midnight Scrum for sure. I just... the chain around his neck...

RTTE Season 5: Sandbusted. That is such a good episode.

RTTE Season 6: King of Dragons part 2. That man went through it. And mm... how his hand twitched every time he got punched.

#asks #whump #hiccup whump #httyd

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convenientalias · 7 months

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Which is my favorite Kdrama network?

When I'm bored I like to list and categorize things. Today I've decided to discover, statistically, which Korean drama network is my favorite based on shows I've watched.

Including both shows I've completed and shows I've dropped bc in this case, the shows I don't like are relevant.

Using my ratings from MyDramaList :) which means however I felt the first time I finished watching a show, basically. Not including networks where I've only watched one show (e.g., Disney+, Wavve, Channel A).

JTBC:

Agency--Dropped

Beyond Evil--6

Itaewon Class--Dropped

My Country the New Age--10

Private Lives--Dropped

Reflection of You--Dropped

Sisyphus: The Myth--Dropped

I can't believe this network produced My Country the New Age when everything else I've watched by them has been a flop for me. Beyond Evil came the closest to breaking the curse but even then. Itaewon Class is one of my least favorite shows I've ever tried to watch; I've forgotten most of the details now but a bad taste lingers.

KBS:

White Christmas--10

Mad Dog--8

The King's Affection--10

River Where the Moon Rises--Dropped

Should I have given River Where the Moon Rises more of a chance? Bc apparently this network only makes bangers.

MBC:

Extraordinary You--7

Rookie Historian Goo Hae-ryung--9

The Veil--7

Idk what to say about this one. RHGH is pretty damn good but I think I would probs like it less watching it now than I did in 2019, newish to kdramas and ready to love anything. But it's a fave regardless, and Extraordinary You and The Veil are both fairly watchable. A serviceable network.

MBN:

Perfect Marriage Revenge--Dropped

Sponsor--Dropped

A network to watch a few episodes with the desire to see dogblood plots, and then leave.

Netflix:

Bloodhounds--8

My Holo Love--Dropped

Gyeongseong Creature--Dropped

Song of Bandits--8

The Silent Sea--7

It's Netflix. I don't know that they're ever going to make a real favorite for me but they're fairly competent.

OCN:

Save Me--8

Duel--Dropped

A Superior Day--Dropped

Apparently it takes Seo Ye-ji and Woo Do-hwan's powers combined to make me finish a show by this network. You'd think it would be easier bc they seem to enjoy angst and whump, but I think they pour it on a little too thick.

SBS:

Doctor Stranger--Dropped

Lovers of the Red Sky--8

Revenant--9

The King: Eternal Monarch--7

The Killing Vote--Dropped

Remember: War of the Son--Dropped

Honestly I might come back to at least one of these dropped shows. Their track record on plots is okay, but their actors are really good.

TVN:

100 Days My Prince--Dropped

Alchemy of Souls--9

Bad and Crazy--Dropped

Circle: Two Worlds Connected--9

Confession--6

Devil Judge--9

Eve--8

Flower of Evil--10

Hotel del Luna--Dropped

It's Okay to Not Be Okay--8

Mine--8

Mr. Sunshine--8

Our Blooming Youth--Dropped

Pandora: Beneath the Paradise--Dropped

Psychopath Diary--9

Tale of the Nine-Tailed--Dropped

Clearly I just start the most show by them. Do they make the most shows? I don't know. Good concepts and good cinematic quality on most of these shows, with just a few exceptions. Pretty solid network.

Viki:

Color Rush--8

I Picked Up a Star On the Road--6

Where Your Eyes Linger--8

You Make Me Dance--6

Mixed bag.

The takeaways:

I should probably watch more KBS. On my to-watch list, that translates to Youth of May, the Bridal Mask, Hwarang, the Bloody Heart, and Orange Marmalade. So mostly historical dramas, which is a pity bc apparently I also like their thrillers.

Really, though, my to-watch list at this point has a ton of SBS and MBC on it for some reason, at least with shows that have already come out. According to my stats so far, my odds are pretty mixed on liking them or not.

Somehow, one feels, I will actually end up watching more TVN instead... but that has yet to materialize. (except the one kdrama I'm currently watching is a TVN drama. so.)

Did I really learn anything? No. and on that note, good night.

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