#this show was entirely worth it for Maya alone

[evelinessa]

Response to the hot takes: Phoenix is a better Dad in DD than AJ.

Reason I think this is because in AJ he abandons Trucy to work on the Jurist system for all of case 3, with no warning and apparently this isn't the first time he's done this to her. Sure you could argue he wasn't leaving his 15 yr completely alone cuz he knew Apollo would watch her but, given he doesn't know Apollo very well at this point, nor asks him to babysit his daughter makes the situation worse imo.

Meanwhile in DD he is busy with work yes but to me is much more present in her life and communicates with her regularly even while working as a lawyer, still far from a fantastic Dad in DD but seems to be better. So I'm curious as to why people think he's a better Dad in AJ cuz I just don't see it that way but maybe I'm forgetting some important details?

Also I haven't finished SOJ yet (only finished the first case yesterday and yet to start case 2) but given he risked his life in a foreign country to defend a stranger (who to be fair is 9 but it's still concerning how fast he jumps into accepting the death penalty imo) when he has a 17 daughter doesn't give me much hope for how good of a Dad he's gonna be in SOJ (but please don't spoil the future cases for me)

Strongly agree | Agree | Neutral | Disagree | Strongly disagree

Apologies in advance for this long response. It turns out I feel very strongly about a certain thing in DD, and how it pertains to Phoenix as Trucy's dad.

I won't say anything about SOJ for spoiler reasons, though I do have issue with some things in that game as well (which contributes to my feelings about Phoenix on this topic overall). Also, it's worth mentioning that I haven't played or watched the second trilogy since my first playthrough back in early 2021, so there could be important things I'm forgetting or misremembering.

I do have issues with some things in AJ, as well as things mentioned about the 7yg, but my opinion on Phoenix’s parenting there is still much more favorable than in the following two games.

For DD, Trucy isn't present much, from what I can recall. She's there occasionally at the office and says a few lines, mainly, but her largest role happens in 5-5, which is also the case where my issue lies (despite really enjoying that case overall).

Her role starts well as Phoenix's investigation assistant, but it kinda falls apart once they separate. From what I remember, she suddenly runs into the space center (to go after Apollo, I believe), and I can't remember if there's any sign of potential danger at that point, so I can't definitively say whether Phoenix should be faulted for letting her go/not going in after her.

However, once he finds out about the danger of the hostage situation, I found his reaction to that and attitude towards it for the rest of the case to be extremely underwhelming/inappropriate, to say the least.

He doesn't show nearly enough concern for his daughter's safety and life when he finds out and throughout the case, even when her life is repeatedly threatened. And as much as I love the banter between Phoenix and Miles in that case, it probably makes the relative lightheartedness (despite the high stakes for numerous people involved) stick out even more.

We're also in Phoenix’s POV—we can see his thoughts. So there can't be the excuse that he's putting on a brave face and is struggling more than we can see.

But what makes his reaction stick out the most to me is that we've seen how Phoenix has dealt with a similar situation to this before: in JFA (which I'm assuming you've played, as I'm about to mention major spoilers for it).

The rest is under the cut for 2-4 spoiler reasons, and also because this post got quite long.

Maya gets kidnapped. Her life in exchange for a not guilty verdict. Phoenix was in despair when he found out, nearly passing out, and he worried for her throughout the entire case. He even went to some questionable lengths (at first) to secure her safety.

Now, this is fine by itself. I don't have any issues here, and I think he acted appropriately. 2-4 is actually my favorite case in the series. My problem comes from when we compare the two scenarios and see how 5-5 Phoenix handles it.

Firstly, his concern should be, at the very least, the same level he showed back then. But it isn't anywhere close, when in reality, he should be much more upset at the circumstances in 5-5.

We have Maya, who was only a friend to him, an adult at the time, and also someone he'd only known for a little over a year at that point. Then we have Trucy, his daughter, not even 18 yet and Phoenix is still legally responsible for, and someone he'd raised for the last 8 years (half of her life).

Then the difference in their captors. De Killer is a cold, logical, professional assassin. He doesn't act hastily. His actions are very calculated. Maya is also his only hostage and the only insurance he has to keep Phoenix working with him and trying to defend Engarde. He wouldn't kill Maya unless there's absolutely no way for Phoenix to still defend Engarde. In that situation, Maya is too valuable. There's a certain safety and comfort in that, as Phoenix would have less worry that Maya would be killed, as long as Matt isn't declared guilty.

Let's compare this to Aura, who is acting in the opposite way to De Killer. She's not a professional killer, and the hostage situation was an act of desperation. She's more prone to acting rash and killing hostages because she's acting out of emotion and desperation to save her brother, as well as to avenge Metis.

She isn't able to think carefully and logically in that instance. It's not just business to her like it is for De Killer (his “aftercare” as he would call it). She also has numerous hostages and far more leverage than De Killer had. She could kill Trucy and still have influence over the prosecutor’s office, as they still had other hostages to worry about. Phoenix also had other reasons to take that case and keep defending, considering Athena was the defendant (though, if Trucy actually died, it could be too difficult for him to continue the case).

So, not only should the person who was taken hostage be more important to him in this instance, he should be more concerned as, logically, Trucy was at a higher risk of being killed than Maya was.

Again, I think Phoenix’s reaction in 2-4 was appropriate. The problem is with how he handles the situation in 5-5.

Even though he should be reacting more severely in the 5-5 situation, due to the increased chance of death and due to whose life is in danger—he doesn't. The concern he shows is a sliver of that, and because we have seen how he's reacted in that type of situation before, it makes the incongruity here even more obvious.

How it was handled here in comparison to 2-4 left such a bad taste in my mouth, that it significantly dragged down my opinion of Phoenix as a parent (and that's without getting into the issues I have with SOJ).

Even with that, I don't think he's a bad dad. Especially considering the amount of bad dads in this series. In a lot of ways, he probably did the best he could with the situation he and Trucy were in (during the 7yg), especially as he wasn't planning to become a father at that time and with everything going on. So I think he's good overall. But he isn't the best in the series to me.

See the fandom hot takes ask game here.

[spirit-small]

Decided to take the plunge and make an attempt at writing something for @hilacopter 's franzhifter au because franmaya lives in my head rent free. They're both just in there, constantly, drinking my Pepsi and calling me a bitch. Send help.

This was a rare moment of peace after a hectic trial, and if Nick and Edgey are just gonna hang around and dance around their painfully obvious feelings for each other, not smooching, then Maya has better things to do. Well, not really better. Is getting a snack better? Funyuns are pretty worth it, she thinks. One uneventful trip to the glorious courthouse vending machines later and things were good. She's got snacks on snacks now, baby. After all that she's been through lately, she thinks she deserves a little treat. Or maybe a lotta treats.

A peaceful snack break does occasionally beget a slightly less peaceful one, however, as Maya can't help but hear the sound of muffled sobs coming from... Well, it can't be far.

Maya glances around the room, scanning for the source of the sound. She sits up on her knees and leans down and over to look under the bench she's sitting on. And there she finds the source of the noise.

"Prosecutie- I-I mean, Franziska?! You... Uh... You okay?" She asks, genuinely concerned. Franziska von Karma sits, curled up and hiding from the world, three inches tall and under a bench in the courthouse. She wipes her eye on her sleeve and turns away from Maya's piercing gaze.

"I'm... I'm fine, Ms. Fey," Franziska sniffles. "Just... Please leave me alone, I'm almost done with emotion and I don't need fools like you ruining my process."

"Done with... Emotion...? Is... Is that how it works?"

"What a foolish question. Of course it is! I feel an emotion, I hide and force it back, push it out until it's gone. Until I'm done with it. Then I get to go back to trying to actually live my life until this horrible curse comes back to ruin everything yet again." Franziska punches the wall and tries to dry her eyes.

"Hmm... Curse, huh?" Maya lets herself fall onto the floor to talk to Franziska more comfortably, making a little oof noise as she does. "I don't know about that. I mean, can it really be a curse when it makes you literally the cutest thing in like the entire world or any world like so so so so so cute-"

"Ms. Fey, please. I am in no mood for your... Antics."

"Antics?!" Maya sighs. "Fiiiiine, no antics. Maybe a shenanigan or two, I might engage in a bit of mischief, but no antics. I promise."

Franziska scoffs and rolls her eyes. She just wants to be left alone. Then again... Maya's foolish, annoying presence has calmed her down, at least slightly. If nothing else, it's served as a valuable distraction from her feeling. She looks at Maya, squinting a little, as she's handed a cookie. It's a small one, one of those one to two-biters for a normal sized person, but to Franziska here in her shrunken state, it's about half as tall as she is. She can barely hold it in her lap.

"What, exactly, do you expect me to do with this?"

"...it's a snack, Franziska. You eat it. Sweets always help me feel better! You don't have to eat the whole thing, I know it's kind of a lot for someone so small and tiny and cute-"

"Ms. Fey."

"-and little and adorable and-"

"Ms. Fey! That's quite enough. But... Thank you." Franziska lifts the cookie up to her mouth, attempting to take a bite. It's cumbersome and difficult, but she manages to bite off a chunk right as Maya snaps a picture. And another. And another. Franziska jumps to her feet, tossing the cookie aside and charges at her, fuming.

"Ooh, that got you out. Wanna see?" Maya turns her phone to show Franziska a picture of herself, mouth full of the massive cookie she's holding, her eyes filled with rage. This is the exact moment she realized she was being photographed.

"You are going to erase those immediately. No one can know about my... Weakness! If you don't, I... I'll... Have you... Arrested! I'm sure I can find another murder to pin on you-"

"Relax, these are just for me. And you, if you want. Maybe I'll show 'em to Nick and Edgey. Does anyone else know you can do this? Does Gumshoe? He'd get a kick out of these I think."

"Don't you dare. I suppose I can live with you keeping them for personal use, if you must. I fail to see how any of this is helping me grow back to normal."

"Well, you stopped crying, right? That's a good start."

"Yes, and now I'm angry. Huge improvement."

"I mean, to be fair, you're kind of... Always a little angry."

"I am not!" Franziska stomps her foot and whips Maya's leg. It doesn't hurt too bad, though, it just feels kind of like smacking a rubber band against it. She laughs.

"Alright, let's try something else." Maya places her hand down flat, palm-up in front of Franziska.

"...What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to pick you up. Go ahead, step on. I'll be gentle."

"Pick me... Y-you're not just... Grabbing me, or..."

"Um, of course not? That would just be mean, especially when your emotions are already all... Y'know, like, all over the place."

"They are not 'all over the place'." Franziska scoffs as she sits down in Maya's palm. Maya lifts her up as she also stands and sits back down up on the bench, getting in a much more comfortable position. She cups Franziska against her chest, gently stroking her hair. Franziska wants to yell at her, berate her for this inappropriate display, but... She's speechless. She has no words for what she's feeling right now. Her face is redder than it's probably ever been, and she's feeling very awkward, but also... It's pleasant. Calming, almost. This may be the most comfortable she's ever felt at this size. She closes her eyes, burying her face into the fabric of her robe. She can feel Maya's gentle breath and heartbeat, establishing a calming rhythm. The feeling of being protected in her gentle hands, her thumb softly rubbing all along her back, up, and down, and up, and down. Pure bliss. A kind of love she's never felt before, a kind she wasn't even sure actually existed.

She almost doesn't notice that she's returned to normal size. Or maybe she does, but she just wants to pretend, to stay just like this a little bit longer.

[supercorpkid]

A weekend without Kara.

Supercorp, Kara Danvers x Daughter!Reader, Lena Luthor x Daughter!Reader.

Word count: 3300.

“AHHH!” You yell standing up in one movement, looking at the portal opening in front of you, right in the middle of your living room. “Holy shit.” You put your hand on your chest and watch the Flash coming out of the portal.

“Oh, hi Superkid!” He smiles at you and you give him a thumbs up, after the first scare. “Is Supergirl home?”

“MOMMA! Uncle Barry is here to drag you to another reality so you two can fight some…” You look at him raising an eyebrow.

“World-consuming alien.” He answers and you agree with your head.

“Some nonsense alien.” You yell again and you hear Kara agreeing from her bedroom, saying she’ll be right down.

“How did you know?” Barry asks, looking at you throwing yourself back on the couch.

“Please. Like you would just show up here to say she looks pretty on her dress or something.” He agrees with his head. You’re right.

“Hey, wanna race while she doesn’t come?” Barry smiles and you stand up again.

“Yeah, I’ve been training a lot. I think I can beat you now.” You walk to the front door and open it.

“One time around the block and here is the finish line?” He asks and you shake your head agreeing. You both get in position for the run. “Ready? Go!” Barry becomes a flash in your eyes, and stops next to you a second later. He looks at you standing by the door, furrowing his brows. “Wait! How are you here already? I’m pretty sure I just broke the sound barrier.”

“Well, I told you I could beat you.” You walk back into the house, and Kara appears all dressed as Supergirl.

“Kid, I’ll be gone for a while. Please text your mom to come stay with you.” Kara asks and you agree with your head, but you don’t move. She points at your phone in your pocket. “Now, come on. I want to see you typing.”

“Fine.” You grab the phone and pretend to send an audio message. “Hey guys, I’ll be alone for the weekend! Party at my house! Bring a beer keg!”

“Ha-ha. Very funny.” Kara is unamused while Barry laughs extremely loud next to her. She shoots him a disapproving look.

“Sorry. She’s hilarious.” Barry shrugs defensively and you smile.

You: Momma is going to another reality. World-consuming alien. The Flash. Probably another bunch of weird stuff.

Mom: OK! Do you want to meet me at the hotel, or should I go home?

You: Home, please.

Mom: Ok baby, see you there after work.

You show your texts to Kara, who shakes her head agreeing. Then looks at Barry next to her, giving him a nod.

“Ok.” He fumbles with the portal control, almost dropping it, then presses the button to open it. “Good to see you Superkid! Next time don’t let me race alone!” He winks at you and you smile.

“Guess you are smart.” You do finger guns at him and he goes into the portal. Kara walks towards you and kisses your forehead.

“Please, be good. If you need anything at all, call your aunt Alex. Be nice to your mom. If there’s an emergency and you need to save National City, please be careful.” She adds another kiss to your forehead. “I love you, little one.”

“I love you, mommy. Be careful out there.” You smile and she agrees, before walking into the portal and disappearing right after.

You look around the empty house and the clock on the kitchen wall. You’re not throwing a party, obviously, but what’s stopping you from having your girlfriend over? You text her, and it doesn’t take long until she’s at your door.

You have everything prepared when she arrives, and you both settle in the living room to watch a movie. She has her arms wrapped around you the entire time and you feel happy and bubbly about the whole situation.

“Hey.” She whispers on your jaw, and gives you a sweet kiss there. “I don’t want to ruin the moment, but can we talk about what happened today at school?”

You forage your brain trying to remember what happened, but nothing comes. You look at her with furrowed brows to show your confusion.

“What that girl said to you?” Maya adds when she realizes you have no idea what she is talking about. “Babe, you can’t possibly have forgotten about it.” She opens a little more distance between you two, shaking her head in denial. “She told you to kill yourself.”

“Oh! Ah! Yes!” You stand up, a little uncomfortable, collecting the empty popcorn containers, and soda cans. “That’s just, you know-”

“That’s just heinous it’s what that is.” She stands up again. “How can you not have told her to go fuck herself or something?”

“Oh no, babe. That’s not-” You turn your back to her, so she won’t see your face completely red. “Why would I do that? I can’t drop to her level.”

“Oh my God, are you serious?” Maya’s voice comes a little louder. You know she’s not fighting you, and that she’s not upset with you, but with the situation. Your heart still starts pounding in your chest, either way. “She told you that you should die because you have Luthor in your name. How can you put up with that and not say a word?”

She walks towards you, taking everything you’re holding out of your hands and putting in the nearest surface. She cups your face and smiles at you.

“I get that you’re the nicest person in the universe, but I can’t stomach the way they treat you in that school. And I don’t like that you put your head down for them.” She kisses your cheek lightly. “If you’re not going to fight them, I will.”

“I just don’t think it’s worth it. It’s not like they’ll ever stop.” You shrug, looking into her eyes. She sighs. “Besides, I’m used to it.”

“Babe, that’s even more upsetting.” Maya puts her head on your collarbone. “What do your moms say about it?”

“Oh no. No.” You step a little further away from her, shaking your head. “They can’t know about the things they say. It would be very distressing.”

You hear a noise in the kitchen and you don’t even have to use your x-ray vision to know that Lena is home, making noises so you notice her there.

“Lena is here.” You say, and Maya holds your hand, when you two walk to the kitchen. “Hey mom.”

“Oh hey-” Lena raises her head from the grocery bags. “Girls.”

“Hello, Mrs. Luthor.” Maya answers and turns her face to you. “Walk me out?”

“Yeah.” Lena waves a quick goodbye at Maya, and you take her outside, closing the door for a little goodbye kiss without Lena being able to see it. “I’ll see you Monday.”

“Ok. Please, text goodnight.” Maya adds before turning on her heels and leaving your house.

You go back inside, and look at Lena putting the food she bought on the fridge. You help her, without saying a word.

“Please tell me you’re eating healthy.” Lena asks, knowing the answer by the things on the fridge. You shrug.

“Maybe you should come back home and make me.” You open a smile and she chuckles, holding your chin and looking at you lovingly.

“Funny.” Lena kisses your cheek and you hug her, laying your head on her shoulder. She strokes your back gently, and you sigh.

“I miss you here.”

Lena doesn’t answer. You know she misses you too by the way she’s holding you tight, and by the way her heart is beating. You know she’s hurt with Kara, and you wish there was something you could do about it.

“So.” Lena lets go of you, cleans one tear on her face, and looks at the things she didn’t put away. “You start on the salad, and I’ll start on the chicken.”

“Sounds good.” You two fall into a natural and comfortable silence while cooking together. It’s twice as fast without Kara around, but half as fun.

After you two finish cooking, she puts the food on the table, while you finish setting it up.

“You know I don’t have super hearing.” Lena says, while filling her glass with wine. You sit and wait for her to come closer. “But, when I got home, I heard you and Maya talking, and it sounded like you two were fighting.”

“Oh, no, we weren’t.” You deny with your head, and serve yourself. Lena finally comes back with her wine. She sits, crossing her legs, reclining on the chair and looking at you from the other side of the table.

“I know. I’ve heard.” She says and you look up to her, realizing what that means. “Baby-”

“Mom, I got it, ok? You don’t have to worry about it.” You sigh, putting food on your mouth, and giving her a thumbs up, because it’s delicious. “Let’s not ruin this perfect dinner with this conversation.”

“I’m sorry, babygirl. I think we should ruin dinner.” Lena says and you sigh. “What they do to you it’s not right. No one is supposed to hear the things you do, because of your stupid name. God, sometimes I regret giving it to you in the first place.”

“Mom.”

“No, I-I do. I should’ve known better. It’s too big of a burden to carry, and you are the opposite of what this name stands for.” Lena’s eyes are filled with tears and you bite your lip. “I actually thought people would forget about Lex. But he keeps coming back and dragging our names through the mud, all the time.”

You know she’s mad at Lex for mind controlling you still, so you let her vent. She’s been keeping this feeling bottle up for more than a week now, not having Kara to talk about it.

“And you, the sweetest, nicest person on the planet, keep paying for it.” Her tears fall, and your heart squeezes in your chest. You hate seeing her like that. “I wish you had nothing to do with this sick, rotten family.”

“But then I would have nothing to do with you.” You get up from your chair, rounding the table and going to her. “And you are the best thing in my life.” You smile. “And momma, of course.”

“Baby.” She cups your face with one hand, and smiles through the tears. “You are the best thing in my life. I love you so much.”

“Listen. You are right. I shouldn’t have to endure all the hate speeches, and all the teasing, but kids are stupid. I don’t think that half of them actually hate me because of my name, I think they hate me because it’s fun.” Lena raises her eyebrow at that. “It’s fun to laugh at the school genius, at least that’s what I see in every teen movie.”

Lena gives a little laugh and kisses your cheek.

“You’re amazing. Are you sure you’re just sixteen?” She asks and you shrug.

“You tell me.” You round the table again, going to your place. “You’re the one who made me in a lab.”

The dinner goes smoothly after that. The food is incredible and you know it’s only been a little more than a week, but you missed her food anyway. Lena’s presence feels right, like it always did. And you just wish she could stay more than just the weekend.

You two hang out a lot. It feels stupid when you think it hasn’t been that long since she left home, why were you missing her so much? Why were you missing her telling you to clean up your room, and help her with dinner?

After the conversation she overheard between you and Maya, she became Maya’s number one fan. It’s hilarious, and you didn’t see it coming. But every time you say Maya’s name, she just opens the biggest smile and it’s awesome.

You don’t want this weekend to end.

But it’s Sunday night, and your heart feels heavy even though Lena is still right next to you on the couch, talking about some experience that went wrong in the lab, and that one of the interns got so scared he’ll be blamed for it, he almost puked.

“Poor kid.” Lena adds, in the end, and you agree with your head.

“But you forgave him, right?” You ask and she agrees. “Then why can’t you forgive momma?”

“Baby, that’s not-”

“Mom, I don’t know what happened but, well, you once told me that we’re Luthor-Danvers, and that means that we might get upset, but we know how to recognize our mistakes and apologize.” You raise an eyebrow at her.

“I wish it was that simple.” Lena sighs, and you hug her.

“It could, if you two just stopped overcomplicating stuff and just talked.” Lena doesn’t answer. She kisses your forehead, and falls silent for the rest of the night, looking too lost in her thoughts.

When Kara comes back from another reality is really late at night. You and Lena are comfortable on the couch watching a cooking show, when the portal opens again in the middle of the living room.

“Lena!” Kara looks so surprised as if she didn’t make you text your mom in front of her to make sure Lena would come to keep you company.

“Oh, hi.” Lena stands up, fidgeting her fingers, nervously. You roll your eyes thinking this is very pathetic. Just make-up already! “Well, great! You’re home. I suppose other realities are saved?” Kara shakes her head, agreeing. Eyes looking at Lena’s hands, then focusing back at her eyes. “Then I should get going.”

“NO!” Kara says a little louder than she planned to, reaching out to Lena, but not really touching her arm. Damn, it was so close. “It’s late.” She guesses by looking at the sky. “You should stay. It’s-It’s your house.”

Lena raises an eyebrow, and they stare at each other for a few seconds. Do they even know you’re there or have them forgotten completely about your existence?

“You take the bedroom and I’ll sleep on the couch.” Kara points at it, and sees you sitting there. “Or with the kid.” Oh, so they know you’re there.

“I don’t know…” Lena bites her lips, and you open your eyes at Kara, encouraging her.

“Please. It makes no sense for you to leave. It’s late, and even if it wasn’t-just-yeah-please.” Kara is always so articulate. But still, somehow, that makes Lena agree with her head and she decides to stay. You smile to yourself, and whisper a ‘thank you’ when she sits back on the couch, and Kara goes to take a shower.

When you hear that Kara has finished getting ready, you go to your room, so you can leave them alone to see if they finally talk. They don’t. Seriously, what are you going to do about this?

“Hey.” Kara knocks on your door then puts her head inside. “Will you absolutely hate it if I sleep here tonight?”

“C’mere.” You open your arms, and Kara smiles, walking into your arms, and laying in bed with you. “How were things in the other dimension?”

“Hard. Maybe I’m getting too old for this.” Kara says making you laugh in response, and soon she adds. “Don’t you dare saying I’m 70.”

“But you are.” You say and she sticks her tongue out at you, and flop back on her belly next to you.

“How were things here?”

“Great. It’s really good having mom home.” You watch her expression when you say that. She hums in agreement, but doesn’t say anything. “So, are you going to apologize or what?”

“Why do you assume it was my fault?” Kara furrows her brows, and you ease her crinkle with your thumb.

“I don’t. I have no idea whose fault it is. Or even if it’s a matter of culpability, at all. All I know is that, it doesn’t matter.” You stroke her back gently. “You love her, she loves you. You guys have been through so much, and you have never ever given up on her.”

“I’m not giving up now, either.”

“Well, then do something about it.” You say and Kara breathes deep. You raise your eyebrow at her. “Now! Do something now!”

“Ok, yeah.” She stands up and goes to the door. Before she leaves, she comes back and kisses your forehead. “You’re the best kid in the entire universe. You know that, right?”

“Yeah. Now, go.”

It would be a lot easier if your power had just gotten out of control again, and you could blame your eavesdropping on this, but that's not the case. What is happening is that your heart is so heavy on your chest. You know they keep saying it was not your fault, but if this is true why is your guilt practically consuming you? So, you need to know.

“Hey.” You hear a knock on the door, and Kara’s voice right after.

“Oh, Kara. Do you need to grab something?” Lena’s voice comes a little surprised.

“No, I-Lena, I’m really sorry.” Kara breathes out, like she was holding the apology for days, which is probably true. “Of course, I believe you, and I don’t think there’s a world you would ever hurt her, but I got really scared. I saw the look on her face, and she kept calling me mommy, and I caved.”

So, it was your fault! Holy shit you knew it! Lena’s voice comes an entire minute later, which almost makes you faint in anticipation. Come on Lena, come on. You can do it.

“I’m sorry too.” OH, THANK RAO. “You were right, there were other ways, and she was in pain. But don’t think for a second I wasn’t scared too.”

“I know. I know you were. I know you ARE.” Kara says, and you lower your glasses to see if they’re hugging, and they’re still not. Goddammit Kara, do something! “It doesn’t matter how many times the world gets in danger and our existence is threatened. Every time she is the one in danger, I-It’s-”

“Yeah.” Lena’s face drops and you watch Kara coming closer. Reaching out with one hand. Fingers ghosting over Lena’s arm. Your heart is stuck on your throat the entire time, and it feels like it’s going to explode in anticipation. Go, momma, please.

But Kara doesn’t go to Lena.

It’s Lena who goes to her.

Lena hugs Kara’s waist tight and sobs on her t-shirt. You hear Kara’s heart skipping a beat, and a breath of relief leaving her mouth.

“We’re ok.” Kara kisses the top of Lena’s head, wrapping her arms around her head, pressing her further into her chest. “She’s ok. We-We’ll figure this out, love.”

Lena’s heart beats a lot faster and she looks up, gazing into Kara’s eyes. They don’t have to say the words, so you know what they’re thinking. But they do it anyway.

“I love you, Lena.” Kara smiles, kissing Lena’s head again, and it’s time for Lena’s heart to skip a beat. “Always have, always will. In a hundred lifetimes, in any alternative reality, in every world. I love you.”

“I love you, honey.”

You stop listening, because now it’s way too private and it seems like things are better. And since Kara doesn’t come back to your bedroom, you’re right to assume things are better than they were before. But your heart only truly eases, when Monday comes and Lena comes back home after work. That’s when you can finally breathe.

Notes:

@itzyourgirlnat prompted a week without Kara and I LOVED IT!

Also Kara and Lena are back together, so the angst is over, ooof! What a long ride!

[immaturityofthomasastruc]

IOTA Reviews: Guiltrip

So, my week has been hell. In addition to working night and day on final essays for my classes, I've been really busy at work lately, and the second COVID vaccine shot really took a lot out of me this week. And that's not even getting into the bureaucratic nonsense that comes with applying for the MTEL which is slowly making me wonder if I actually want to teach in the first place.

But, despite all that, there was a single light of hope this week that almost made it all worth it.

STAR WARS: THE BAD BATCH, BABY!

OH MY GOD, THIS SHOW IS AMAZING! I ALWAYS LOVED THE CLONE-CENTRIC EPISODES OF THE CLONE WARS, AND NOW WE GET AN ENTIRE SHOW ABOUT AN ELITE TEAM OF THEM? KICKASS! AND IT TAKES PLACE AFTER ORDER 66 WITH GRAND MOFF TARKIN AS THE MAIN VILLAIN? SWEET MOTHER OF GEORGE LUCAS, I CAN'T WAIT! I DON'T EVEN CARE THAT THEY TRADED IN THE COOL SNIPER CLONE FOR SOME LITTLE GIRL CLONE, I ALREADY WANT TO SEE MORE THAN THE TWO EPISODES WE GOT SO FAR! GOD, I LOVE THIS SHOW!

Oh yeah, there was also a new episode of Miraculous Ladybug that aired on the same day too, I guess. It was pretty good. Hell of a lot better than the past three episodes I've sat through.

Let's get into the fifth (chronologically the eleventh) episode of Miraculous Ladybug's fourth season: Guiltrip

We start off in the middle of class where we see Marinette looking at Adrien lovingly.

Because the writers are still trying to push the Love Square on us as if they were trying to sell us some death sticks. And yes, expect a few Star Wars jokes in this review. This episode did premiere on May 4th after all.

Rose suddenly gets a headache, and asks to go to the nurse, saying that “Miss Dora” is back. While walking there with Marinette, she explains that it's a code name she gives when her head hurts and can tell Miss Bustier without letting everyone know. She probably felt a name like “Maya Grain” would just give it away.

At lunch, Juleka gets a text that really upsets her, so Marinette tries to cheer her up. Keyword being “tries”.

Okay, yes, this is referencing the previous scene, where Rose refers to a certain snack at the nurse's office she eats to recover her health whenever “Miss Dora” visits called “Mr. Coffee”, but it's just bad timing. I get Marinette has a habit of not reading the room, but why did she have to use the term “Miss Dora” when she knows what it's being used for? Sure, she doesn't know that Juleka knows, but did she really have to say “Miss Dora”? She couldn't have used any other name instead? It's like making a chemotherapy joke when you just found out someone close to you has cancer. Even putting the context aside, what is this joke's punchline supposed to be? That “Miss Dora” will visit Juleka if she eats her lunch? Even by the humor standards of this show, the joke fails spectacularly.

Marinette bumps into Adrien, and although she stutters a little with a little exaggerated body movement, she does manage to take things seriously so she can have an actual conversation with Adrien about Juleka, who wants to be alone. She explains that the text she got was from Rose, who was sent to the hospital because of her sickness, and the entire class finds out because Marinette texted everyone to come to check on Juleka.

Goddamn it, Marinette. I usually defend you for getting screwed over by the writing, but you really aren't on your A game today.

Juleka explains that Rose got this sickness when she was little, which naturally worried everyone else. To make things worse, Juleka also says Rose made her swear to not tell anyone about her to worry her. Everyone else swears to not let Rose know that they know, and the act of support is actually enough to drive away an Akuma targeted at Juleka.

Unfortunately, nobody ever said anything about being overly affectionate to Rose, so everyone in the class tries to do things for Rose like carry her bags, giving her a pillow to sit on in school, helping her take notes, letting her cut in line at lunch, and giving her apples.

All of this makes Juleka remorsefully tell Rose that she told everyone else, which worries her because she hates all the special treatment, so she goes to tell them all about her illness. While they seem to accept her, the next time she sneezes, they overreact like, uh... how can I make this joke in a tasteful way?

Rose says she's had enough with all the treatment, which makes Juleka feel guilty. In the bathroom, she gets akumatized into Reflekta (yet again) with a Sentimonster named Guiltrip. And then Reflekta immediately gets sucked into the Sentimonster, which will cause it to go out of control. Nice job, Shadowmoth.

While it might not look like much, this is easily my favorite Sentimonster by far. Granted, that's not saying much, given all we've gotten so far for Sentimonsters is bootleg Mothra, sentient candy, a robotic doll, a frog with a body count, yet another evil doppelganger, and an eye, but my point still stands. Rather than actually confront the heroes, it's basically a portal to another world where it can trap people in bubbles that represent their regrets and despair, and turn them into copies of Reflekta.

It's a really strong metaphor which reminds me of the villains from Kamen Rider Wizard, who tried to drive their victims to despair in order to turn them into monsters. Ironically, that show's main villain is also some asshole in white who was risking countless lives just to save someone close to him. In general, the area inside of Guiltrip is visually stunning, and easily the highlight of the episode. It's just so surreal, and it really sets the tone the episode's going for.

Ladybug and Cat Noir arrive on the scene, and also get sucked into the portal, seeing some of the victims before they also start to fall into despair. And I can't believe I'm saying this, but this is one of the few times where Angstdrien Depreste is thematically appropriate. Cat Noir points out that if they had simply defeated Shadowmoth by now, none of this would be happening, which is a good point. He even attempts to kill himself using his Cataclysm, but unlike RWBY, they don't try to glorify it.

This also leads to Rose managing to fight off Guiltrip's powers with her optimistic personality (so I guess you could say she's A New Hope for the heroes), inspiring Ladybug to compliment Cat Noir. While I'd normally be pissed that this is yet another way to boost his ego, it does fit in with the episode's theme of positive thinking. Well, with the exception of one line where she points out what her time as Ladybug would be like without Cat Noir...

BEING A SUPERHERO IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE FUN. Yes, there are certain benefits to being a superhero, but it is not a fun game you play when lives are on the line. Why are the writers so dedicated to validate Cat Noir's beliefs that being a hero is just a fun extracurricular activity? Has there ever been a superhero who shares a similar mentality and isn't treated like a complete jackass?

So Ladybug and Cat Noir break free of the bubbles, and after summoning her Lucky Charm, a pickaxe, Ladybug realizes she needs more positivity to break free from Guiltrip. As such, she pulls out the Pig Miraculous and gives it to Rose, who transforms into Pigella. Funny how she forgot her little headache condition when she bangs her head like a death metal singer while transforming.

The design is... wait, she's not wearing a skin-tight jumpsuit? She's actually wearing something different?

Yeah, I really like the Pigella design. There's a good mix of pink and white, and the skirt really brings the whole thing together. It really reflects Rose's optimistic and bubbly personality.

So the three heroes find Reflekta, who has been consumed by tons of bubbles. Pigella uses her superpower, Gift, to show Reflekta what her heart wants the most right now. So it's basically a more specific version of the Fox Miraculous? In fact, what do pigs have to do with optimism?

Whatever reason, it works, which helps Reflekta to break free of Guiltrip's influence, letting Ladybug de-evilize her. But because we need to have a fight scene in this episode, the Reflekta clones start to attack the heroes, but Ladybug uses the pickaxe to climb out of Guiltrip and purify the Amok.

So Rose hands the Pig Miraculous back to Ladybug, and the episode ends with everyone treating Rose normally in class, realizing she isn't as delicate as she thinks she is.

So yeah, I really like this episode. Aside from a few stupid things Marinette said this episode, I honestly don't have a lot of problems with the episode here.

I also really like the lesson this episode is going for. It doesn't shame Rose for rejecting the help, and it doesn't shame the class for being to overprotective of Rose either. It tries to find a middle ground, which is an important lesson to learn, not just for dealing with a loved one who has an illness, but for disabled people and other kinds of situations where someone has a disadvantage. Even as much as I ragged on Marinette for the text, it's clear that she isn't the only one to blame. In fact, nobody really gets blamed for anything this episode. It's more of a misunderstanding, and both sides find a balance on how to treat Rose.

It's overall a really good episode, and the second best one so far this season. And you know what? This episode taught me the importance of staying positive, so with that in mind, maybe I shouldn't be dreading “Queen Banana” when it comes out this week.

Wait, what? It got pushed back two weeks? Oh, THANK GOD! Now I feel like dancing. And I know exactly what song to dance to...

[socialisthedgehog]

Why The Evangelion Story Is A Classic. (Spoilers)

The name “Neon Genesis Evangelion” translates to “Gospel For A New Century” and is very deserving of this title. Being only 26 episodes and a movie, Evangelion has one of the most intricate, iconic, impactful, and groundbreaking stories ever put to animation, or any other medium. It is decades later, and people still debate over this show, still discuss this show, and still love this show, flaws and all. What is so great about Evangelion is that it applies to everybody, it is entirely universal. This is because, above all else, above the great characters and the gorgeous art style and the reoccurring symbolism, the persistent theme of living, just to live is the whole point of Evangelion. The lore, characters, and world are just a beautiful vessel to take us there. (well maybe not the lore, but I’ll touch on that later.) Constantly the question is asked, why? Why does Shinji Pilot the Eva? Why does Misato lead at Nerv? Why should humanity exist if there is no goal? Why continue to live despite pain? We all know how it goes, Shinji gets launched into third impact and ends all life on earth because he rejects all that rejects him. He was constantly abused, insulted, belittled, unloved, and neglected. Aside from Kaworu, he has known nothing but hurt and pain, so why save humanity? He comes to realize that it is first yourself you must live for, and next, the strive to connect to those you love. This is what makes life worth living. “Anywhere can be paradise as long as you have the will to live.” So he decides to return the world as it was.

Here, I have analyzed the finale to the original Evangelion story, but not even scratching the surface to all of the characters personal struggles. Shinji’s lack of confidence and adult figures, Asuka’s concealed childhood trauma, Reis battle with identity and emotion, Misato’s depression and sexual escapism, and Ritsuko’s struggle to connect with Maya or Gendo. It honestly feels sometimes that the writers were taking on far more than they could chew, this is a highly ambitious project that paid off, but certainly not without flaw. 

The flaws of Eva are many, and honestly quite glaring. The show definitely had pacing issues in the beginning, with quite a few filler episodes such as Jet Alone and Magma Diver that offer some character and plot value, but feel like “Angel Of The Week” episodes.  On re-watches however, I have personally found this not much of a problem, as there's still subtle character details left in that make more sense when you have the story in full context, among other things to analyze. The biggest problem with Eva is the overly complicated lore. I offer no excuse to the writers on how bombastic and absurd the lore is sometimes. Imagine explaining the finale to a non Eva-fan: "Mass produced Evas crucify Unit 1 with the Spear of Longinus, Rei consumes Adam from Gendo’s body, flies into Lilith, initiates third impact by projecting an image of Kaworu to Shinji, turning Shinji into the Tree Of Life, and beginning human instrumentality, turning all humans into primordial soup." You sound like a madman. There were time and budget constraints, but that is still no excuse for this horrific storytelling. In order for audiences to be invested, they need to understand some of what is happening, and this can be done without compromising the mystery of the lore or dumbing things down. (Also Side Note: Artistic expression and symbolism are not excuses for graphic sexualization of minors and child nudity.) 

With all of this said, Eva is clearly a very extreme and unconventional project. On one hand it is a masterpiece using grounded characters and a combination of religion and science to tell a story about the human condition. On the other hand, it is a poorly written mess of a story that contains filler episodes and extreme sexualization of 14 year old's. Despite all of these flaws, there is no denying it’s massive impact on anime and the world. It’s reflective of the late 90′s it was spawned from, a time of uncertainty and mistrust, but it’s messaging still applies to today, and will always be relevant. And to me personally, it is a beautiful, dark, twisted story that will never cease to amaze me in concept, ambition, and theme. There may never be a story like Evangelion ever again. 

[peralta-guaranteed]

i randomly remembered when enzo broke his arm around a year ago, i know it sounds mean but could you possibly do one of mac/maya doing the same (nothing major to cause it)

"It's okay." Amy hears herself repeat the phrase for probably the hundredth time now. "It's okay." It's probably supposed to calm them all down, all three adults and one little crying, screaming boy in the car, but it's barely working.

"It's not!" Jake hisses into her direction, the fear and panic and worry in his eyes more than obvious as he clutches Mac's head against his shoulder some more, tightens the grip around his back.

"It's gonna be, though." Rosa says from the driver's seat in front - she was clearly the calmest of all of them after what happened, so she'd grabbed Amy's purse, pulled their car keys out of it, and then pushed all three of them into the backseat before starting the car. And now she was making her way to the emergency wing of the hospital at about 15mp/h higher than allowed in the inner city. "The arm's broken, but not in a bad way. It's gonna heal."

"How can a bone break in a good way?" Asks the man who once stated that as long as his blood was still inside him, things were obviously good. Mac starts wailing a little louder in his arms.

"You're stressing him out." Rosa states, matter-of-fact, before slowing down just a little before a right turn so the kid in Jake's arms doesn't get jostled too much.

"It hurt." Mac sniffles and looks over at Amy with the reddest, most tear-filled eyes she's ever seen, and it takes a lot not to cry with him.

"It's gonna be okay, peanut. The doctors like uncle Jorge are going to fix it." She tries to calm him, and maybe Jake a little bit, who nods and scratches through Mac's hair like he does when he's trying to lull him into sleep.

-*-

They make it to the emergency room in record time, frankly, and if Rosa's rushed past some traffic lights and speed radars, Amy's not going to complain once the tickets come in the mail.

A bored-looking nurse informs them that there’s only enough space for one parent in the room during the x-ray and the cast and treatment, and Jake wants to debate for the first time in his life, because that’s obviously bullshit, but Amy puts a hand on his arm and then lifts Mac out of them.

“Sit with Rosa”, she says in that voice she’s started using after Mac, that mom-voice that’s always right, “Calm down, and we’ll be back before you know it. And it’s all going to be fine.”

She’s off with the crying toddler and nurse before Jake can really protest, and Rosa is already sitting in a corner of the waiting area, so he drops down next to her instead and buries his head in his hands.

“Dude, you’re blowing this out of proportion. Kids hurt themselves all the time. He’s gonna bounce back like always.”

“I broke his arm, Rosa.”

There’s a beat of silence between them as the weight of that statement settles. Rosa gives up her nonchalant pose to lean forward as well, trying to get into Jake’s field of vision, but it’s kinda hard when he’s staring down onto the floor.

“You did not.” She hisses. “Jake, you didn’t. He fell. He was climbing. It happens.”

“I helped him up on that tower, he’s too little for it-”

“It’s on the playground, he was gonna go for it eventually-”

“I was right next to him-”

“So were Amy and I-”

“You were talking-”

“So at least you were paying better attention-”

“I coulda grabbed him, I shoulda-”

“You did what you could, immediately and without question. It’s not your fault the kid drops faster than a cannonball.” Rosa ends their little squabble, and the old lady across them lets out a little harrumph, but Rosa shoots her the deadliest glare she can muster, which means a lot. “You were over there in a flash, Jake, I’ve never seen you move so fast.”

“Wasn’t fast enough. Wasn’t good enough.” He mumbles into his hands, rubbing across his face and his hair that’s already a mess. Rosa watches him for a moment, and calculates. Pieces together the evidence, like she does as a detective, and comes to a solution that most people probably won’t like, but those usually get her results.

“Do you want to leave?” She asks, and he looks at her like she’s grown a second head. “Amy’s got it under control, she told you. It’s probably gonna take a while, anyway, we can dip out for a drink to calm down and come back and they’ll be none the wiser.”

“Are you insane?!” Jake hisses back now, giving her exactly the reaction she’d expected. “I’m not going to leave my son in the hospital to go to a bar-”

He stops and stares at her, and it seems like his own detective brain is finally catching up with his panicked dad brain, because he sees what she’s doing. So she nods.

“You’re still good. You’re still better.” She says, and they don’t need to mention who he’s better than. It was the first of his stories that he told her, after he hurt something in his wrist at the academy - how that wrist never really healed right anyway, not since he was 5 and Bobby Linder drove over it with his tricycle by accident and his mom had to rush him to the hospital and his dad asked ‘what is that?’ with beer on his breath when he showed him the cast later. They’d known each other for barely a month back then, and Rosa was still refusing to think of anyone as her friend, but the way he’d looked at his wrist in its bandage and smiled the most broken smile she’d ever seen had set something off in her head. Something that yelled Protect at her every time he mentioned his dad later, something that made her threaten Roger Peralta with one of her knives after their graduation when Jake was in the bathroom ‘real quick’, but she knew he was hiding in there so no one could see his hands shake. Good thing Rosa never gave a damn about going into the men’s toilets anyway, because she sure as hell went after him when Roger had dipped out as usual.

She watches Jake’s tense shoulders drop with another sigh.

“Being better doesn’t make me good. That bar is set so fucking low.”

“I’m not having this entire discussion with you again, Peralta. We’ve been through this way too many times anyway. You. are. a. good. dad. One accident doesn’t change that.”

“Okay.” He nods, and she can tell he’s trying to imprint her words into his brain, so she continues.

“Mac’s going to hurt himself, and others are going to hurt him, and things are gonna go bad sometimes. You’ll probably be back here in the hospital a few times, considering how much he seems to love danger. And it’s going to be okay, just like Amy said, because you’re going to be there, and you’ll help him through it, and take care of him while he heals.”

“Yeah.” He nods again, and Rosa leans closer to him some more, and finally gets into his field of vision.

“And you’re not going to even think, for one second, that you could be anywhere as bad of a father as that piece of shit. And you’re not going to believe, whatever anyone says, that Mac doesn’t know how lucky he is to have you as a dad.”

He nods a third time, and she remembers how he jokingly told her once, after a few drinks, that the little screaming voice of conscience in his head always alternates between either Amy’s voice or her voice. She hopes she’s given him some new tracks to replay if he needs to.

“Thank you, Rosa.” He says, and leans back in the most uncomfortable chair either of them have sat in, and they’ve both been to prison. He tilts over when she leans back too, lands his head on her shoulder, and she doesn’t shrug him off for once. She can have a soft spot for the Santiago-Peraltas when no one else is there to see, she supposes.

“You looked like you wanted to punch out that nurse.” She says with a quick grin, and hears him snort.

“Was thinking about it. Not enough space for two parents, what kind of bullshit is that?!”

“You couldn’t throw a proper punch anyway.”

“Hey, I know how to hit people. I trained to do it just as much as you.”

They share a giggle as the exhaustion and stress of the last hour flows out of them, and the old lady across them seems mildly shocked rather than annoyed by now, but who cares.

-*-

Amy comes back with Mac in her arms an hour later, and they’re both all smiles. Mac sports an impressive new sticker collection on his shirt, and a lollipop that’s painting his lips orange. (Amy’s have a slight tint to them as well.)

The cast on his arm is bright green, and he carefully lifts it to show Jake as he switches from his Mama’s arms into his. (Jake had jumped up from his chair so fast he almost threw Rosa, who was also getting up, to the ground.)

“Like ninja!” he says around the lollipop, and Amy wipes a bit of spit away before it can drop on Jake’s shirt.

“Yeah, just like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, buddy.” Jake nods because of course he understands his kid’s train of thought better than anyone else, and kisses Mac’s temple, stays there a second longer for that perfect toddler scent, even as it’s mixed with hospital disinfectant and playground mud.

“Look, RoRo!” Mac yells into his ear and leans over to show Rosa as well. “Turtle shell!”

“That’s pretty cool, dude.” Aunt RoRo answers as she inspects the cast to see if it’s well done or if she has to go back there and punch out a nurse herself. “Let’s get you three home.” She says after concluding that the cast is acceptable enough to let the poor hospital workers alone.

-*-

She was planning to drop them off, park their car and then head for the precinct where her bike is waiting for her, but Amy invited her up for some coffee for ‘her nerves’, and Jake offered dinner as a thanks, and Mac absolutely needed to show her the new toy he got in that package from abuela, and then suddenly she’s on a playmat on the floor for an hour after Chinese takeout and pretending to be a Ninja Tortoise or whatever. That soft spot is gonna be more trouble than it’s worth, she thinks for a second before Mac smiles at her as his Jedi figure shoots lasers at her turtle doll, and immediately realises it’s worth so much more than any trouble. Mac looks at his cast a little worried, whenever he thinks no one is watching him, and god, could he be any more like his dad? At least she and Amy already have a good instructions booklet on how to handle him, in that case.

“That green cast is pretty cool.” She says when she catches him look once more. “But you know what would make it even cooler? Drawings.”

“Drawies? On my arm?”

“Yeah, buddy. We can draw on it with a sharpie.”

He’s up and running to Amy, asking for a sharpie, in no time at all and yep, he is just as easily distracted as his dad. Mac grins wide and unworried now as he climbs on Jake’s lap on the couch, asks Amy to draw something when she returns with a set of markers, calls Rosa over to draw something too.

Amy does a little bear, his favourite animal at the moment. Rosa does a rocket ship and a pirate ship, the two best ships in the world, as they both agree. Jake does a Ninja Turtle cartoon face yelling PIZZA!, which is obviously Mac’s absolute favourite the moment it’s done.

When Jake wants to cap the Sharpie after his work of art, Mac grabs his hand and pulls it back down. “Steady, peanut. Don’t wanna scribble over Aunt RoRo’s cool ship, right?” He says with a grin over to her as she rolls her eyes. Mac’s already tried to cover several walls, most of his storytime books, and the kitchen table with his drawings as soon as he’s handed any sort of writing tool, so Jake won’t let go of the marker just to be safe, but he does let Mac’s little hand guide his big one as he makes him draw a wonky heart, right on the cast over the back of his hand, and then places a kiss on the same place on Jake’s hand.

You’re not going to believe, whatever anyone says, that Mac doesn’t know how lucky he is to have you as a dad the little Rosa voice in Jake’s head repeats as he smiles at her, and she actually smiles back.

[sylvies-chen]

ABBY IM FREAKING OUT!!! how do you think the rest of teams gonna react if Jay takes Hank down ??

AHHH MAYA IM FREAKING OUT TOO OMG

NOW SEE HERE’S THE THING: is Jay going to trust anyone with this? Will this be another secret between Upstead or will Jay tell Hailey about it? Will he go completely solo on the whole thing or will the entire unit help in taking him down? Because at this point I think Jay should start to consider if maybe Kim and Adam finding out Voight was lying to them (yes, Jay was too and so was Hailey but Voight was keeping them in the dark about a lot of things and was pulling the strings on the cover up) from the very beginning might be the last straw for them.

To be honest, I think there’s a reason we has that episode where Adam was thinking about his nasty habit of blind loyalty in policing and him wanting to unlearn that. I think that goes beyong him being a new parent figure to Makayla and needing to be more careful. No, I think this is setting up him realizing he shouldn’t continue to put blind faith in Voight either. And I think that’ll be a bit of a crisis for him because he’s followed all of Voight’s orders with a “you got it boss” for years without questioning whether he was worth it. But now he’s starting to change his ways— partially because of Makayla and because she and Kim make him better— and so I think they’re really setting it up so that MAYBE, just maybe, if or when Jay tells him and Kim about what happened and possibly enlists their help to take down Voight, they agree. Besides, Voight’s motto from episode 1 of “tell me the truth so I can lie for you” is essentially showing how he demands his team trust him nonstop even when he doesn’t trust them with everything so to have that trust turned back around on him by every single person in the unit? Having him be walked out of that precinct knowing they all took him down? That’d be a stone cold moment and exactly the kind of insane and intense shit PD woud go for. Now again, that’s all assuming he tells them which is still not probable at this point because he might think the only way to do this is if he goes in alone and does it by the book as quietly and discreetly as possible. I don’t know.

However, if Jay does keep it a secret, I think that might cause some tension between the unit— more so than if he actually told them the truth. (Let’s be honest, there will be tension if he reveals to them he’s been lying because duh, he and Hailey let Kim think Roy was still alive and that’s really not fucking cool.) But I don’t know at this point. I really don’t, like I just- I DON’T KNOW!! THEY OPENED UP SO MANY POSSIBILITIES, the possible reactions are ENDLESS!!

[abluescarfonwaston]

Black Locks

“Chief. Mia. Please.”

Wright stood in front of her. Fists clenched. Jaw locked. Plead. Plead the same way he’d plead to lead the Steel Samurai case all those months ago. The way Maya had described him pleading to lead her defense against the attempted murder charge against her.

“Wright what makes you think he doesn’t have an attorney?”

“Please.”

And this was how she ended up sitting across from Miles Edgeworth in the detention center on Christmas morning.

He refused them even as he admits no one will take his case.

“-A wet behind the ears lawyer with three cases under you belt? I’m not that desperate yet.”

“I could lead the defense, if you’d prefer.”

Not that she wanted to. Not that she believes in his innocence.

Wright sat next to her, after she was released from the hospital and slurped his much delayed celebratory ramen. He'd won two cases and they hadn’t had the chance to celebrate even one. He told her why he became a lawyer.

There’s someone I want to save.

He’s told her this before. While swallowed glass settles in his belly. But now it has a name. A face. A smug smile.

She hates that brat. She doubts there’s anything worth saving. Wright just stared mournfully into his ramen like he doubted it too.

Edgeworth grit his teeth. Glared at the wall. “Stay out of this Ms. Fey.” But he offered no counter argument to her offer.

“The lake is a long way away from your offices and the court... Why were you down there?” Wright probed instead.

“I see no reason to tell you.”

She crossed her legs. Leaned back in the chair. What a waste of a morning.

“Edgeworth!” Wright slammed his hands down on the table. Pleading and irritated and desperate all at once.

“… Gourdy.”

“…?” She raised her head to study him. The eyes hidden behind his bangs. The deep purple bags under his eyes. They’re almost satisfying. Knowing he’s enjoying firsthand what he’s done to so many others. Guilty or not.

“I went to see Gourdy.”

The room went dark. Heavy with the slide of chains as they drag over the floor and up to his heart.

There are so many. Bleeding red like his bloody heart.

“But... you didn't do it, right? Right?”

The locks faded as the conversation moved on. But the detention center was far colder now that she knows they exist. She braced for the lie Edgeworth will shovel down their throats and she’ll drag Wright away with an apology about how his friend cannot be saved.

“... Think what you will. I have only one request.”

He hadn’t answered, so he hasn’t lied. She swallowed the irate sigh. What does he want now?

“Stay out of this case.”

She jolted. Back suddenly straight. Her feet click sharp against the floor. “What?! He’s trying to help you!”

Not that she has much proof there was anything worth saving. An objection and aid during a single case did not undo the years prior. There was character evidence piled high enough to kill.

Guilty or not, it probably will. If no one took his case.

“I know...! I know that! But I don't want your help, okay?”

“Why not?!”

His shoulders curve inward. “... Look, just go away, and leave me alone!” He snapped sweeping his hand out with a snarl.

His eyes are red. Bloodshot – although there’s no chance it’s from tears.

“It’s because you did it, didn’t you?”

And somewhere in that black heart of his he knows better than to drag Phoenix down with him.

“Mia!” Wright snaps in a rare displace of force. “Let’s go investigate elsewhere.”

“Wright…”

He stood. The chair screeches against the floor and she watches Edgeworth flinch at the sound.

Fine.

Fine.

Edgeworth’s detective claimed the man spoke highly of them. Seemed truly dumbfounded that they were turned down. Doesn’t stop him from trying to help.

He hands over a picture of the deceased.

“That’s Robert Hammond.”

The case unraveled before her.

They sit in front of Edgeworth and there are so many locks that there is no way they have enough. But Wright speaks and all the red locks rattle. Like Edgeworth wants to tell him. Longs to tell him.

She wonders, in a passive sort of way, if Wright held the magatama would he see only one?

“DL-6.”

There is a sharp exhale. His head falls forward. The red locks shatter.

“The ‘DL-6 Incident’... was when my father died. Right before my eyes... He was shot and killed, and I saw it all.”

He spoke. Her stomach knotted. DL-6. She wasn’t the only one who lost a parent from that incident.

“My memories from that time are... foggy. I suppose it's a self-defense mechanism. In any case, a suspect was arrested... a man. It's pretty clear he was the only one who could have killed my father.”

Foggy. The room goes dark once more. The slide of heavy chains. Red. She expects red.

They are black. Every lock is black. Dark. Cold. Filled with despair.

A lie he keeps even from himself.

“The spirit medium they used to talk to my late father said the same thing.” Her Mother. “It was an attorney by the name of Robert Hammond that cleared the suspect's name.”

“And Hammond... is the victim in the Gourd Lake murder?”

“Correct.”

There is a danger to black Psych-Locks. That removing them by force will damage the keepers mind.

Blocking out memories in self-defense. He even explained it himself.

The earthquake rumbles but it is the violent rattling of his locks that causes her pain.

He curled up on the floor. Quaking. His locks rattle and in the shaking of his hand and the gasping of his rapid breaths she can see every time they tear at the fabric of his mind.

Worse yet, there is nothing they can do except watch as the guards drag his limp form back to his cell.

 Edgeworth warned them about what they’re up against. Von Karma.

It’s not like she hasn’t faced him before. Once. Twice. She doesn’t allow her concern to show but if she gripped Wright’s lapels and shakes him a little harder than she should when she scolds him it’s probably because she knows what a battle this will be.

Wright doesn’t though. He’s blissfully unaware of the nightmare ahead of them. How even getting their legally required cross examination will be an uphill battle.

She really hopes this isn’t how he learns why none of the other attorneys would defend Edgeworth.

What was it he’d said? They ‘Lacked confidence because he’d had all their defendants convicted?’

Edgeworth was lying about that part. And Von Karma was far worse.

 “Why did you pick up that gun anyway?!”

He grimaced. Hand digging into his elbow. “I don’t know. I was in a daze when I picked it up.”

Black slide into place. She braces for the cold chill this time.

There is one less locked in place.

Removing them forcibly can damage the owners mind. They were created to protect them after all.

“I know those interrogations can be brutal, how are you holding up?”

He glares at her. The bruises under his eyes speak to his lack of sleep. To the way this has been eating at him.

She hadn’t removed the lock. Neither had Wright.

She wondered who had.

 The second day is brutal. They’d almost lost. But as it stood now it looked like they would win.

The locks rattled. Volume growing as it had throughout the entire trial.

“Hey, Edgeworth…”

He didn’t respond. The locks rattled louder.

“Edgeworth!”

He jumped. Dazed eyes focusing on her. “D-did you say something?”

(Oh we were just discussing your case- no need to pay attention. It’s not like it matters to you at all!)

“Come on! Stop looking so pained! At this point we’ve got it in the bag!” She slapped his shoulder. He side stepped away from her. “Relax.”

“… I’m sorry… But… I fear it’s not over for me yet.”

“Wh-what do you mean?”

The locks rattled. The chains shook. The truth he hid from even himself.

“Wright... There's something that's been troubling me for a long time now. And I don't know whether or not to tell you...”

Black locks clicked into place. Only three remained.

What had happened to the others?

“No... there's so little time left. I want to tell you, to get it off my chest, but...’

“What is this about, Edgeworth?”

She drew back. Let herself sink into the background.

He saved me Mia. If you could have seen him back then-

I know somethings wrong. I want to pay him back.

He stared down at his attorney’s badge. Closed his fist around it.

I became an attorney because of him. So I could see him again.

Gaaaaaay.

Chief!

Sorry.

If anyone can reach Edgeworth it was Wright.

“... It's... a nightmare I've had. A memory of a crime... that I committed.”

Those locks shake. The heavy grating sound of metal pulling at his mind.

Sometimes people forget things to protect themselves. In self Defense.

“A memory... of a murder.”

“What?!”

They yank and jerk against the chains. Trying to rip free by sheer force.

You’re hurting yourself! She does not object.

“I… I want to tell you but…”

The bailiff doesn’t give him a chance. He’s escorted away.

 They stared down at the letter.

“But it says ‘get revenge on Edgeworth’… Why would he want to take revenge on you?”

One lock. Black as total darkness slides into place.

He closes his eyes and it shatters.

There is no evidence of the pain it causes. No bleeding wounds or pained cries.

But he opens his eyes and she is certain something within him has died. He tells them about his nightmare.

Innocence. The illusion of innocence has died.

“But that’s just a dream!” Wright objected when he fell silent.

“… That thought is the only thing that has kept me sane for the last 15 years. But what if I’m wrong? What if it’s real? They say sometimes people shut out memories in self-defense. Maybe it was I who killed my father.”

It’s the truth.

“If you think about it that way, this letter makes sense. Think about it. Yogi was really innocent. That’s why he wanted revenge on me.”

When he confesses on the stand none of them are surprised. Not even Von Karma. How many of those interrogations did they spend together? Did he spend ripping apart the protective locks around his own protégée’s mind?

Wright and her walk home after the first trail.

“You wouldn’t prosecute me, right?”

“Well I’m not a prosecutor so…”

He sinks further into a gloom.

“I’m joking!” Shoulder checked him. “Obviously not.”

Edgeworth is in awe of Von Karma. Awe being a fitting word. Referential respect of both wonder and fear.

Fear.

“You were a child.”

“Accidental murder is still murder Ms. Fey.”

Edgeworth might have given up but Wright. Wright has not.

Trust. Trust your client until the end. This is what she’s taught him.

But… Phoenix. Sometimes the guilty are guilty.

He looked up from the case files. Smiled with a confidence that wasn’t just a bluff.

“I’m sorry but I don’t believe in your nightmare. It’s just a bad dream.”

There are heavy black locks around Edgeworth’s heart. Protecting him from a ‘truth’ too terrible to believe.

But testimony is flawed and just because he believes in one explanation of events doesn’t make it the Truth.

The truth will set you free. Of the black locks around your heart – she’d thought.

Phoenix does something truly amazing then.

He saves him.

“You are innocent Mr. Edgeworth. You were innocent.”

“… Thank you, Your Honor.”

[lovesgonnabe]

Love Is Worth It - Episode II: The Talk

Characters: Chris Evans x Maya Alonso-Evans (Black OFC)

Warnings: Angst, Fluff, cursing, slight Implied smut

Word Count: 2928

Summary: What happens when a dad has to have a tough conversation with a 5 year old about something he may never experience?

Point of View: Chris Evans 

Authors Note: It has been a while since I’ve written so please bear with my rustiness, and there’s slight edits so there may be errors. RIP Chadwick Boseman. 

Disclaimer: This is about to be super dramatic and very fluffy. Also italicized is a flashback.

Taglist: @thesecretlifeofdaydreamss if you would like to join the taglist message me.

Please leave a note and tell me what you think!

I Just Don’t Understand...

As I walk into the house i was having a hard time processing what had just happened on the other side of the door and having a screaming child, barking dog and the anxiety monster on my back isn’t helping.

And I swore I put the heater on but the house was cold and empty.

“Delilah give daddy a minute sweetheart” I told my crying baby girl.

She cried as loud as she could as I sat her down on the couch with a now whimpering Dodger at her feet 

As I paced trying to think, the commotion around me was crippling, I just couldn’t endure the pain my entire body was in, I was in a state of powerlessness.

I’m always prepared especially for moments like these, but at the amount my ability to think was out of the window when I realized i was not mentally prepared for this. Doing the next best thing I called in reinforcements.

the phone rang four times before he picked up “Chris this better be damn important and why is my niece screaming like she’s dying?” Austin said on the other line.

I sighed running my hands through my hair “It’s Maya, she just got arrested in driveway and I don’t know what to do an- quiet down sweetheart, it’ll be alright.” I said.

I sat down on the couch laid Dede on my chest as I tried my best to calm her down, and keep myself together.

“Hold on, What do you mean arrested, what did she do.” Austin asked in shock now giving me his full attention.

Who is Austin you may ask?

Well he is our attorney...

Who also happens to be a prosecutor for the Southern District of New York...

Oh and did mention he’s Maya’s older brother.

Of course I told him everything I knew and then some.

I thanked the heavens when I turned on Frozen and Delilah calmed down to a sniffle, i started to feel like I had some control of the situation.

“That’s some bullshit man, ok listen I’ve gotta make some calls, don’t go to the station, don’t call for her or pick up any calls from the police station, just let me handle it and I’ll text you when it’s taken care of got it?” Austin said

I sighed “Alright we can do that” Austin chuckles “look I know that feeling of being helpless right now, and it’s all gonna be alright, she’s gonna back home tonight, so just relax, this is just something we sadly have to go through, I’ll be over this weekend to check on her” I nodded like he could see me and we hung up.

I took a deep breath and rubbed Delilah’s back and a few tears escaping from my eyes as looked at Elsa save Anna at the end of frozen. I wiped my face because I had to stay strong for my baby girl and I looked down at her.

“Hey Lilah how about some pizza for dinner tonight?” I asked her, nodding her head she wiped her nose mumbling that she was gonna take a bath.

She reminded more and more of her mom everyday from her big brown eyes to her high cheeks and button nose she was becoming just like the woman love.

When she got up all I could think about was when Maya was pregnant with Delilah.

—————

Maya laid on the bed rubbing her belly looking at me with an annoyed look on her face.

“Chris I’m being serious there is going be a day when we are going to have to face the reality that we will have to talk about race relations with our little peanut” Maya said.

I chuckle as i walking out of our connected bathroom leaning against the doorframe looking in adoration of her infatuation with her little belly.

“Babe I understand that trust me I’ve read more how to raise a multiracial baby books than I can count” I said. She looks at me I’m like I’m crazy and rolls her eyes.

“Maya I’m joking but don’t you think its a bit early to having these conversation the baby isn't even here yet babe.” I sighed 

Shaking her head she gets up from the bed “well that was a terrible joke Chris and it's never too early to think ahead especially since, I may not always be around so you have to be one to be prepared.” She said.

She steps in front of the vanity mirror in our room stripping the red satin body hugging dress she wore from our dinner date tonight. I know what she was doing but I couldn’t focus on how beautiful her glow was because of how morbid she was acting.

Walking to her from the door frame, I got up behind her and wrapped my arms around her softly rubbing her belly. “Don’t say that, we are going to be together till infinity you better believe that.” I placed my chin on her shoulder and kissed her check.

She whispered sadly “Chris I do believe that, It’s just statics show that black women are 3x more likely to die in childbirth than white women, I just want you to be prepared” I groaned.

She reminds me that deathening fact at least once a week but I keep my cool stood up straight and grabbed her hands, placing them on her belly while intertwining them with mine.

We caught each other's gaze in the mirror, her pregnancy glow makes me want to make sure she keeps popping out babies. The way her skin glistened under our dimmed lights and how soft she felt under my touch to her sweet smell Lavender, this woman was my world.

“Look I refuse to leave that hospital without you ok. Maya I don’t know what I’d do if I were to lose you” I softly respond 

“Now repeat after me we are going to have a beautiful, healthy, happy baby girl and we are leaving that hospital together.” I say as we held an intense gaze through the mirror in front of us.

She chuckles “I still think our little peanut will be a boy but I guess we’ll find out in a few days” I let out a gut busting laugh. “Whatever you say my love” I kiss her shoulder then the sweet spot behind her ear

I whispered in her ear “maybe we can start you know practicing for that baby boy right now?” 

I stand, slowly pushing her back down bending her in front of the vanity with her hands on the chair, I move my hands to her hip and sent a smack to her ass.

She sucked her teeth “Don’t think you’re slick we aren’t done with this conversation” she moans as I gently rub her clit. I chuckled and got to work.

———————

I concluded that without her no matter how much we’ve prepared there is no way I was ready to handle situations like these especially alone.

By the time the pizza gets here I’ve emptied the groceries from Maya’s car, feed Dodger and changed the movie.

When I came into the kitchen Delilah was on her little step stool gabbing the plates then the cheese and utensils.

I raised an eyebrow very confused as to when my little girl was becoming a big girl.

“When did you become so independent Dede” I said give each of us two slices

She gave me a said smile and said “I just watch mommy do it.” She shrugged

We walk in to the living room and I started Princess and the Frog or Delilah’s favorite movie.

We sat in silence for a bit and then sniffling again she asked “daddy why did they take mommy today”

This is the talk I’ve been dreading it was something Maya and I agreed we’d give her when she was 10 and we’d give it together.

When we talk about it all Maya would say was “you will know what to say when the time comes at least that’s what my mom says”

Yet all I could do was look at those big brown eyes and hesitate, i paused the movie, grabbed her hand and just went off the cuff with what came from the heart.

I sigh “look at our hands do you see any difference?”

She nodded “yeah mommy says she dark chocolate, you’re white chocolate and I’m a cute Caramel, we are all different but we all love the same” 

I laugh, it would be like my wife to be teaching me while she wasn’t here.

We put our plates down and scooted closer to each other still holding hands.

I hesitate again “the thing is sweetheart there are some but not all people in this world and a lot of them are white chocolate like me and they don’t like that mommy is dark chocolate so they do mean things to them like what happened today.” She nodded with her processing the information face.

“Ok daddy but why aren’t more white chocolate people like you, mommy didn’t do anything we just got ice cream.” She asked still somewhat confused with the entire situation.

My little peanut is one of the smartest cookies I know and I forget sometimes that she is still only 5. It pains me to see that she even with how bright she is she is still too young to fully comprehend the severity of the situation.

“That I don’t know but I do know that mommy’s gonna be ok and that no matter what I love you and mommy more than anything In the world” I said with a reassuring smile.

“One more question since I-I am Caramel and not white chocolate like you would that happen to me” she asked.

This is the dreaded question as a father you don’t want to see your kids in pain you want them happy but the reality is that the one thing I’ve learned with being with Maya is  that being black in a white America isn’t easy.

Running my hand through my hair the wrapped my arm around her “It may happen Lilah but mommy and I will do everything in our power to make sure you are ready for those moments, but right now just worry about being a kid and we’ll take care of the rest.” She nodded and I kissed her forehead.

We continued our movie session and sat in silence until the end of the movie when Delilah wanted to watch Moana.

It was midnight on school night but I decided that Delilah wasn’t going to school tomorrow and I let my assistant know to relay the message that I was not coming to set tomorrow. So I turned on the next movie.

Half-way through I got a text from Austin

------------------------------------------------------

                        11/25/2020 12:49am

Austin: Hey bro just got off the phone with the Boston PD precinct Maya’s at she’ll be released in about one hour and she good go

Chris: Thank You, I’m on my way.

------------------------------------------------------

I wanted to cheer so loud but Dede and Dodger were asleep, so I called my parents to drop Delilah off which my mom agreed happily.

After dropping Dede off at my parents who I am still shocked were still awake this late, I headed to the precinct, my body was shaking with nerves. When I got there I parked and rushed inside.

When the front desk lady began speak I cut her off “I’m here for Maya Alonso-Evans” she looked at me like she was gonna scream with excitement but I guess my face said it all.

She escorted me to the back “Chief Demilio will see you now” my hands were sweaty I knocked and heard a come in.

Walking into the office there she sat with dry tear stains on her face, looking disheveled, she ran to me and threw her hands around me as she started to cry some more.

“its gonna alright baby I’m here” I whispered and hugged her back tightly.

“Hello Mr. Evans thank you for joining us we are just wrapping up here, would you like to take a seat” the weird looking man behind the mahogany desk asked.

I ushered her back to her previous seat and I stood behind her placing my jacket on her shoulder as I rub them softly “no I’m good with standing” I say with a menacing face.

He clears his throat and looks at us awkwardly “ok then, on the behalf of Boston PD we would like to  give our sincerest apologies for the inconvenience of this mix up and the officers will be dealt with accordingly.” I raised an eyebrow at his shortness and at the sorry ass apology we were getting.

“Ok so what is going to happen to these officers then?” I ask with my hands still on Maya’s shoulders trying to keep both of us calm.

He smirks “one will be put on administrative leave for the next month and the other indefinitely until we can get this all sorted” he says to us show us the file.

Maya sighs an exasperated sigh looking as if she could pass out right there.

I speak up “that’s it the are getting a paid vacation?” I asked highly confused at this situation.

“The board thinks due to the incidents in this case that this is best punishment we can give them, we know your upset Mr. Evans but you must look at the circumstances” he says talking down to me as my breathing began to pick up.

I chuckled “the only circumstances I see was my wife being falsely accused for a crime that she didn't commit and being arrested in front our 5 year old daughter wh-“ Maya put her hand up cutting me off speaking for the first time since I got there. 

Placing her hand on top of mine “It’s ok Chris I just wanna go home” she got up grabbed my keys out of my hand and without another word walked out and I followed right behind her shaking my head.

She got her things they took before they booked her and we headed to the car, I opened the door for her she quietly thanked me and we started our journey home.

The first 10 minutes was a comfortable silence then I decided to break it.

I grabbed her hand and kissed it “honey you alright?” I know it was an awful question to ask but something had to be said.

She shrugged her shoulders “I am just exhausted right now all I want is food, maybe some sex and a good cuddle with Delilah, did you leave her with your parents” she ask now checking her phone.

I nodded “Dede asked me if what happen to you would happen to her” we were now at a red light and looked at each other.

Maya groaned and rubbed her forehead “what did you say?” She looked at me again

I let out a heavy breathe “I just told her it could happen and that we’d deal with it when she got a little older and that not all people are like the men from today.” I started tapping the steering wheel with my left hand, I was nervous.

she let out a relieved sigh “Ok that works” was all she said and I looked at her confused.

She chuckled “What? You did your best among the circumstances. Isn’t that what the police chief said back there” she rolled her eyes and I laughed at her sly remark.

“There goes my baby. Have you heard from Austin yet?” I ask turning on our street.

Then she laughed “yeah he called me while I was in a holding cell to let me know when I’d be let out.. You know his frat brother is the attorney general of Massachusetts” I chuckled and pulled to the driveway.

Once I parked, I got out and opened her door and she asked me to carry her in, she wrapped her legs around my waist and I walked us into our home.

With her looking at me as I focused on getting us both up the stairs she starts kissing me all over my face “Hey I know you wish you could’ve done more babe but you did what’s most important and that be a father to our beautiful daughter.” She said as we reached our room.

I dropped her on our California King and stood between her legs rubbing her thighs.

She sat up rubbing the hair on the back of my neck “You are the rock to my roll you make me feel safe and today you protected me the best you could, I love you papi remember that” she softly kissed my lips.

Her lips tasted like sin and strawberry lip balm. Her back felt like velvet as I ran my hands up her warm body and into her hair pulling on it softly. As our kiss deepened, her embrace felt like home to me and I would not know what I’d do if had loss her tonight.

I whispered back “I love you to the moon and back my love”

Many people do not agree with our relationship and don’t understand why I’d choose Maya over all the other women I could be with. But this was my choice to make and I wouldn't change a thing. However, for those who disagree with me.

Fuck Them!

[docholligay]

House Lights

@phrdycg sponsored this fic, with the prompt “Rin gives Futaba a pep talk” I’ve been toying with it all month, trying to get it right! Thank you so much! 

Rin Miyamoto was well aware that most people would have considered her profession a failure, including many of those who shared it. 

It was a cruel twist of the theater world that many of them who taught how to walk the boards of the stage had themselves been washed out of it. There was, for this reason, sometimes the edge of bitterness in the words of the teachers, advising the girls with a flash of jealousy for the ones they all knew would make a success, a flash of pity for those they knew would not. 

Rin was one of the few who seemed to seemed to find it a calling. She had always been small, which had been a distinct disadvantage in getting the roles she craved, and she was a hard worker more than she had the natural light of a star descended upon her. It was almost a relief when she was offered the job at Seisho offhandedly, even though she knew what it meant. It was a chance to have a stable, nice income and life for her and for Ayaka, she had thought, and Ayaka had gone there herself, on the production side, so there was a certain amount of pride for both of them. 

Even she hadn’t expected to enjoy it so much more than she ever had being on the stage. 

But enjoy it she did, and now, in honesty, she would never go back to the life she had before, grasping for each role and gazing onto those in position zero. She had a spring in her step every morning as she packed up her bento, sure of the reward of watching these girls learn and grow every day. 

This joy did not mean, however, that there was never some amount of tolerance that needed to be exercised. 

Last week, it had been yet another dust-up between Claudine and Maya, that on-again, off-again that most students wish would remain off-again, and save them all some time and trouble. Rin had tried to express to the girls that dating another actress rarely turned out well, in her experience, and that all of class B was right there, as a saner and safer option, but mostly this went unheeded. She had to assume that there was some similar reason for Futaba to be sitting at her door with a hangdog look. 

“Futaba,” she unlocked the door to the office room, “Can I help you with something?” 

Futaba looked up at her, distracted, as if she might have forgotten she was sitting in front of the teachers’ door at all. 

“I...yeah, I was just..” she looked up and down the hall. 

“Come in,” Rin swung open the door and hung up her coat, “I’ll get water started for tea.” 

Futaba had always been a bit of a mystery to Rin, in some ways. She’d come in following Kaoruko like a little puppy, and just from seeing that, Rin might have assumed that she’d never make it, but then she blazed through the auditions like a hot knife through butter, only to dull again as soon as she had made it, carrying Kaoruko around. She seemed to simultaneously long to be something more and be incapable of allowing herself to have it, in a way that might have fascinated Rin more deeply if she wasn’t already involved enough in the romantic lives of teenagers. 

Rin poured the water into two mugs and set them down on the desk in front of Futaba, who took the handle of the mug and ran her thumb up and down it, staring at the mug, no, through the mug, silent as stone. 

“So…” Rin ventured, sipping a bit on her tea, “..can I?” 

“I don’t know. I--” 

It spilled out of her suddenly, a realization that it was true, that she wasn’t sure if Rin could help at all or not. She rose to her feet, shaking her head, and started for the door. 

“Futaba!” Rin found herself standing, half insulted by the waste of time this had all been, half concerned that there was something so much deeper than Kaoruko’s heat and chill amiss with the situation. “You can’t just--come back here, Futaba.” 

Futaba slowly walked back to RIn’s desk, and sat down, Rin pulling at the edge of her blazer and straightening it before she sat. 

“What is it?” 

Futaba took a sip of the tea, considering, but she made no attempt to break for the door, which heartened Rin at least a little. Finally, she looked up. 

“Do you think I can do it?” 

Rin took a sip of her coffee and furrowed her brow. “Depends on what ‘it’ is.” Is it continuing to make me guess what’s going on? She thought, not unkindly, because the answer to that is no. 

“The stage.” 

It wasn’t the first time Rin had been asked the question, and it was always a loaded one. It meant so many different things at once. Sometimes, the question was, “Will I lose my nerve on the professional stage?” Sometimes it was “Do you think I can get work?” And sometimes even more it was, “Can I make my parents understand that this is a job worth having?” There were others, she supposed, but mostly they were all variations on those same themes. 

“I think..” she chose her words carefully. It would be easier, to ask which of those questions she meant, but it was Rin’s observation that introducing the idea that there were multiple ways you could fail at the stage never improved much of anyone’s mood. “That you should think about why you’ve having doubts.” 

It was an imperfect answer. There was no good answer to a question you didn’t fully understand. But Futaba seemed to turn the response over in her mind as she sipped her tea, seemingly ignorant to the non-answer it was. 

“It’s just…” she looked over at Rin. “I know the roles I want. I think I can work for them, for me, not for anyone else, now. But people like Maya, they’re always there, right? And why would you want me when--you know--you could have her?” 

Ah. That was the question. Rin had looked in the mirror, and asked it herself, years ago. She had asked it herself, and plunged forward anyway. She was a hard worker. That was maybe the best thing you could have said of Rin Miyamoto, that no one pursued a role quite like she had. That no one studied the theory and the work. But her voice was only average, and though she was a good dancer, she was short, and so some of the girls towered over her, which made casting directors look right over the top of her. 

It was like looking at her young self, looking at Futaba. 

What would she have, could she have, said to herself, all those years ago? Would she have told young Rin that she would never get anything approaching a lead role? That she would be stuck to the side for her entire career, before retiring to little fanfare to go teach? That there would be disappointments ahead, and it wouldn’t matter how well she learned every single line, because there were some things that she could not change, and those things would wash against her like a wave every single time? 

Would she have told herself to give up? If she could save herself the time and trouble? 

Futaba looked at her expectantly. She’d shown such growth in the last few weeks, such commitment.

“I think that you should make it their job to tell you no,” Rin nodded, “don’t say no for them. Show up. Work hard. Perfect every little thing you can. Every audition is your chance to convince someone. Maya can’t win every time.” Rin chuckled. “I think. Een if she can. She can’t try out for every show, right?” 

Futaba smiled, and nodded. “She can’t play every role.” 

“That’s right. There’s a dozen Mayas out there, Futaba,” Rin set down her drink, “And they have enough audience without you watching them all the time, too. Keep your eyes on your mark. Make them work for it.” 

If it were up to Rin, there would be a limit on how many times someone could take the leads in a year. The other teachers argued that it was important for the girls to learn about the brutality of the stage life as early as possible, but Rin always wanted to counter that they were young, and there were plenty of chances for them to learn that some people did seem to hit every single pitch in life. Would it matter to Maya, to get another lead role? It was unfair to accuse Maya of not working her hardest, but it was not unfair to accuse her of expecting to win every role she attempted. 

It would be arrogance, if she wasn’t so correct. 

Futaba smiled and nodded, drinking down a large swallow of tea as she did so. She seemed, if not completely convinced that all was well, to at least be resolute in her decision to keep trying. 

“Thank you,” she gave a little bow and set the glass down on the table, “sorry for bugging you. I was just thinking.” 

“Don’t be sorry,” Rin shook her head, “If I’m not here to talk you through this, why am I even here? The confidence is the hardest part, isn’t it?” 

“Yeah,” she nodded and picked up her bag, “I guess it is. Thank you, again.” 

She turned to go, this time with a spring in her step, bag slung over the side of her now-straight shoulders. It was a good conclusion to the meeting, and maybe Rin should have left it alone, but she couldn’t. There was too much of her life behind her now, and if she could spare one girl the way she’d felt...

“Futaba,” she called after her, and was rewarded with a quick swing of the head, “I just want to say…” she thudded the end of her pen a few times on the desk in front of her, “I’m happy you’re really buckling down, with the stage work. You’ve got the talent. But I also, “ she considered carefully, “I also want to say don’t let the stage get in the way of being happy. There are a lot of ways to work in the theater, a lot of ways to be around it. It isn’t all position zero.” 

I’m happier teaching than I ever was acting, she wanted to say. But Futaba’s furrowed brow told her that maybe that was too much--when you were this age, there was no stop between perfect accomplishment and crushing defeat. We start this world with so much of black and white, the greys only coming in as we learn to mix. 

It would be impossible to explain to someone her age what it meant to come home to someone every night, how nice the simple act of sitting next to someone, cooking with them in the kitchen, how much seeing the girls grow as people, could fill you with something that was nothing like fame or adulation, that was so much quieter but so much warmer. 

There were some things people had to discover for themselves. There were something that took time to unearth. 

“Right.” Futaba said, thus proving every suspicion Rin had on the subject. 

“You’ll do great.” Rin added. 

She meant it. Maybe not in the way Futaba would have her mean it, but Rin realized, looking at her, that Futaba would be okay. There were dozens of ways to be a success, even if it took time to find them. Maybe she would find the stage. Maybe she would find home. 

But as Futaba left the room, Rin looked back to her own life, and realized that for people like Futaba, and like her, there would always be some sort of path. You could only fail if you didn’t believe in a new way to win.

[bigsteeb]

this is gonna be a long post so bear with me, growing pains got a b i g emotional reaction out of me & I need to share my thoughts & feelings about it because jesus fucking christ.

ok first things first, someone hug this boy immediately. he’s sat in his room, still in his pajamas, in day time watching dog copter. this whole scene is just steven going “lol I’m sad, I’m gonna comfort eat & stay in my pajamas & watch a kids show I watched when I wasn’t as sad haha” & it’s not only upsetting, but relatable too fuck. his room is a mess along with him eating ice cream at what I assume is morning… making it his breakfast? geez steven. also idk if it’s just me here but in this shot he looks… bigger? like ignoring his body size shifting later on in the episode he looks a lot wider than he usually does when paul & drew board episodes to me, he’s rivalling etienne & maya’s steven’s wideness. did he… get chubbier from comfort eating? how much time has passed since together forever for him to put on weight if he has? this could literally just be steven slouching or his pajamas making him look bigger but as someone who is an advocate for the body positivity shown in su & suf it has me curious. I want to hug this soft, sad boy. It could also be due to how steven’s design fluctuates through the animation process, it’s never really on model all the time. 

the grunting noise he makes in this scene is very distressing, as are other moments from the episode too. a glimpse at the glow-bracelet he proposed to connie with is enough to physically pain him? fuck me man. is he leaving his room where there’s already ice cream… to get more ice cream? sobs. also the puns in this shot. I cant? slow burn?! you’re evil crewniverse. not to mention his body size changing throughout this scene, god this poor lad.

screams, this was when I started worrying. the boy is now in an environment he has never been in before & is feeling extremely uncomfortable & vulnerable. look at the lines under his eyes, his sad eyebrows & pout I hate it. also don’t even get me started on this part. the slight raise of a voice being enough to send him into panic?! fuck I hate how much I relate to that. 

here’s where I immediately broke, no god damn pun intended. seeing steven’s skeleton, steven’s fucking skull, like this pained me. that crack on his skull is from fucking jasper in jail break. I can’t express all of the visceral emotions that were going through my body at this. there was intense sadness for steven, extreme anger at jasper & the gems for allowing shit like this to happen to him. turns out he’s not as resilient as we thought he was. each hit he takes physically breaks him & then his gem instantly heals his wounds, my heart fucking broke at this. think back to everything that happened to him, everything that physically hurt him. it broke him I can’t deal with it! then there’s what priyanka says to steven next;

“you seem to of made a series of miraculous recoveries, but that doesn't change the fact that you experienced trauma. you’ve recovered physically but, have you recovered mentally?”

this part here along with her reassuring him that there’s nothing wrong with his brain, how childhood trauma can have an impact on how your body responds to stress & how you act in your social life, the usage of the word “cortisol” too. this stuff being in a children's tv show is incredible. the writing for priyanka describes trauma simply enough for kids to understand, but for adults to fully realise too. folks, steven has ptsd. there wasn't one bit of sugarcoating about it or nothing, this is canon fact & it hurts me. for so long have I wanted steven’s emotional issues to be alked about, to not only be brought to steven’s attention but to the audience’s too.

everything that has happened to him has built up to this moment. this moment where his behaviour & coping methods are finally making sense to a large majority of the fandom, & to steven himself. he’s hurting; physically, mentally & emotionally, & he isn’t coping well what so ever about it. his emotional support system is complete garbage, no one regularly checks in on him & folks just take steven at face value like “oh yea glowing pink? he’s fine it’s just steven” but he’s the bad person?! I hope a lot of you out there who genuinely believe steven is a bad person re-think yourselves after this. dealing with trauma is tough as shit. some days you even wonder if that one thing that fucked you up is really worth being labelled as trauma. I still can’t believe this is the route they’re taking, if he doesn’t get some form of therapy by the end of future I’ll be furious.

then things begin to spiral as he remembers what happened with connie. he clutches his chest in pain & begins changing size over intense amounts of stress & it was extremely distressing to watch. steven immediately reassures connie that this isn’t because of her, but because of everything else that happened to him. however. I believe that that’s a slight lie, he wouldn’t of spiralled if he hadn’t of remembered the proposal, steven you fucking himbo. he continues to reassure them both that he’s fine, just that he needs them to leave so he can calm himself enough to control himself.

then this happens.

“I. CAN’T. BE AROUND YOU RIGHT NOW!”

this was fucking intense. he means this literally in 2 ways btw. his body size shifting over the stress he’s feeling is a danger to both connie & priyanka in this moment, but it’s also because of how it started. being around connie hurts him. he’s not mad at her though let me make that very clear, just that thinking about what happened when he tired to propose to her is sending his head in a fritz. he did what he did full of confidence in together forever, for connie to then make him realise how silly he was being. these two are destined for each other, but that advice from ruby & sapphire has really fucked with him. he looks up to those 2, looks up to garnet, their relationship is so strong & stable. for them to give him that advice & to then scream “DO IT!” in his face is incredibly tasteless imo.

then greg gets here. I knew connie was calling for either greg or the gems when she was on her phone as she left the room, fuck yea connie I love you. the breathless, strained “thank you” from steven towards connie for calling his dad? g o d. connie telling him she’ll be there for him when he’s ready?! g o d. these next boards were done by rebecca, I knew immediately when I saw steven’s face. it makes sense that rebecca boarded these, because fuck. 

how do I move on from all of the stuff I’ve been through? how do I live life if it always feels like I’m about to die!?

I’m tearing up as I type this. when I first heard the leak of this audio I so badly wanted to believe it, but to also believe it was fake too. I was an emotional mess off & on for about 3 days over it because I couldn't stop thinking about how fucking distressing it was. like… shit steven. he seriously feels this. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain he felt just saying this in front of his fucking dad. he is hurting badly. this boy, this sweet sweet boy we’ve watched grow & develop into the person he is today is distraught about his future & life. it is… soul crushing to watch this. a group of friends of mine have found joking about the episode as a form of coping with the intensity of it & as much as that’s valid as fuck, any joke coming from this episode feels morally wrong to me. I can’t bring myself to join in it feels terrible even thinking about laughing at it to cope. I love them all, but I can’t bare myself to join them. this moment ending with greg comforting steven, telling him he’s here for him & all of his struggles, got me weeping. greg is possible the best father figure I’ve seen on tv, let alone a kids tv show. he’s amazing.

the final scene right here is lovely. greg making steven a hot chocolate & listening to him vent, reassuring him over his worry for his future. this right here is exactly what steven needs. someone to talk to, someone he could trust to talk about his feelings to. this the start of his support system, tag on peri from in dreams, bis in bismuth casual as well as connie from the past few episodes & it’s already looking great! even when greg eased him about being there for him steven still feels guilty about him leaving his tour, leaving his tour because he got a phone call from connie about his son being in need & steven feels guilty about it. fucking hell man. I did enjoy how the episode ended though, with that little moment between the both of them;

“just get some rest kiddo. you don’t have to solve all of your problems in one night.”

“yea. thanks dad.”

it’s a great message too, all of your struggles can’t be dealt with all at once. I’ve used a similar analogy before but it’s like removing a dead tree. you have to deal with all of the little things surround this issue first before you get to the deep, harder stuff. along side the message about trauma they’re both very important messages, I’m glad they exist in the show.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

one more thing before I end my thoughts & feelings over growing pains.

this ending shot;

as soon as I saw the frog mug my mind raced back to the promo for this scene, & this whole moment to come entirely. if you remember this moment has the first set of leaked audio within it, the audio of the gems basically cornering steven about him not opening up to them. christ pearl even gets mad at him for his gem building a wall behind him, protecting him from them. it’s common knowledge, I hope, that steven’s gem reacts to his emotional state. pearl herself has said this;

“I think your gem is reacting to your state of mind.”

his gem building this wall? it felt like steven was being threatened by them. this scene now has awful connotations with it. because since we now know what the pink mode is doing to steven, how actually painful it is, think back to these;

yea. fuck the gems. I’ll let it slide if steven, greg or priyanka haven’t told them about what happened at the hospital. but if they do know, if they know how much it hurts steven being in his pink mode & still press into him about it I’ll see red. with steven’s trauma & now ptsd being cemented into the show I fucking hope garnet, amethyst & pearl get held accountable for what they put on him as a kid. that shit will not slide with me if they don’t. do not condone what the gems put him through. do not condone the gems for making steven feel like he had to be his mum for them. just… don’t. please.

[pluckyredhead]

wip amnesty: super sons fake dating (but different)

So while I was working on It Wouldn’t Be Make Believe (If You Believed In Me), my brain abruptly gave me a completely different Super Sons fake dating scenario, insisted that I write two scenes, and then abandoned me entirely. There is like a 1% chance that I will ever finish this so instead I offer it up to you, my very patient friends. (Don’t worry, I have different Jon/Damian fics planned!)

Also, this completely ignores the Bendis run, because...well, you know why. SIGH.

-

Damian cast a weary eye over the guests assembled at the gala, the latest tribute of the Gotham elite to their own wealth and frivolity. He wasn’t even sure what this one was ostensibly raising money for, but he had a feeling most of that money had gone into the refreshments and entertainment rather than the intended charitable recipients.

He hated these things, but Father was in space with the Justice League, Richard was undercover, Drake was on Earth-3, and Todd was just generally unsuitable for public consumption. Once again it fell to Damian, as the heir to the Wayne name, to carry the entire family on his shoulders. He usually didn’t mind, except when it took the form of wearing a tuxedo and making small talk with empty-headed socialites.

Maybe the Riddler or someone would show up and try to steal everyone’s jewelry. That would be a pleasing diversion.

He saw Gracie Van Nuyck, daughter of one of the few Gotham families older than the Waynes, making her way over to him and quickly took out his phone. He was meant to be the latest irresponsible Wayne playboy; he could be rude and spend a whole party texting and not talking to anyone as long as he kept a stupid expression on his face.

He already had a few texts from Jon, he saw when he unlocked his phone.

giant kraken attacking honolulu

titans & i r teleporting over

u in?

Damian clicked his tongue.

I know you’re overriding your autocorrected capitalization to irritate me.

And I can’t. I have to attend this gala.

sucks 2 b u 🐟 🐠 🐬

“Damian Wayne.” Gracie had not been put off by his texting - in fact, she had her own phone in her hand. Damian dimly remembered that she’d once told him she was an “influencer.” She had influenced him pretty strongly to get as far away from her as possible, so he supposed she was good at what she did. “Look at you, all dressed up and looking like a snack.”

“Gracie,” he said. “Nice to see you.” He did not attempt to make it convincing, or glance up from his phone more than briefly.

Trust me, I’m aware. Everyone here is an imbecile and none of the hors d'oeuvres are vegetarian.

“Do you like my dress?” Gracie asked, giving a little twirl.

“Lovely.” Damian did not have Richard’s ability to give genuine compliments, or even Father’s ability to fake them well. It didn’t deter Gracie in the slightest.

“I have a proposition for you, you beautiful boy,” she said.

“I’m the same age as you.”

that blows. what about the orderbs?

Damian fought a smile. I also know you know how hors d’oeuvres is pronounced.

😂 😂 😉

“What’s that smile for?” Gracie asked.

Damian forced his facial expression back to neutral. “What’s your proposition?”

She held up her hands like she was illuminating a marquee. “Gotham’s new dream couple: Dacie. Or we could be Gramian, I guess, but that sounds horrible.”

“Excuse me?”

“You and me, joining forces,” she said. “Me and my millions and my beautiful body, you and your millions and your beautiful body...we’d be the toast of the glitterati.”

“You want to date me,” Damian said, flatly, disbelievingly. This was what Father and Richard’s inability to resist a pretty face had brought him to: being literally propositioned at parties by socialites who thought every Wayne was an easy mark.

“I want to date you,” she agreed. “It must be your lucky day. Well, night.”

Damian stared at her for a long moment, just enough to let it become uncomfortable. “No,” he said finally, and turned back to his phone.

once weve kicked this things ass i bet i can bring u some shave ice before it melts

Bring the kraken instead. It can eat everyone here.

“No?” Gracie repeated.

“No, thank you,” Damian said, as a sop to good manners.

He glanced up. She looked bewildered. It might be the first time she’d ever been told no in her life. “Why not?”

“I’m seeing someone,” he said. Totally untrue, but a reason she couldn’t argue with.

Not that she didn’t try. “Oh? Who’s the lucky girl?” she asked, her expression calculating.

Damian raised an eyebrow. “Not sure why you would assume pronouns,” he said, more to wrong foot her than anything else, though it was true that gender didn’t make much difference to him. He disliked most people equally.

Her eyes widened before she recovered herself. “My apologies,” she said. “Do I know...uh, them?”

Damian’s phone buzzed in his hand. It was a selfie of Jon, with Billy and Lian pulling faces behind him and a tentacle snaking through the air above their heads. Idiots. He fought another smile.

Stop taking selfies before you get drowned.

“It’s a long distance relationship,” he said. The last thing he needed was Gracie tracking down Colin or Maya or someone and pestering them.

no its cool we made friends with it

i gave it ur shave ice

sorry

“Oh?” Gracie asked. “Where do they live?”

Out of the corner of his eye Damian could see that she seemed to be on her phone too, so he felt even less bad about ignoring her. “Metropolis,” he said, because it was the first city he thought of. You traitor, he texted Jon.

“Innnteresting,” she said. “Well, it was worth a shot. See you around, hot stuff.” She brushed a kiss in the air near his cheek and sauntered off.

Damian blinked. That had been...relatively painless. Maybe the whole night would go by so quickly and easily.

He checked the time. Three and a half hours to go.

Tt.

*

Jon had heard the noise before he stepped outside, but he hadn’t really processed it. Metropolis was a noisy city, and if there were no gunshots or cries for help, he had gotten pretty good at tuning it out.

Which was why he was so surprised when he walked out of his apartment building to be confronted with a sea of reporters flashing cameras at him.

“Jon!”

“Jon Kent!”

“Jon, over here!”

His heart stopped. Had they somehow found out he was Superboy? Which meant they knew about Dad, and Mom was probably in danger, and all of his friends, and…

“Jon, long have you and Damian Wayne been dating?”

What?

“Back off, you vultures! Leave him alone!” Uncle Jimmy emerged from the crowd, red-faced and disheveled. He put one hand in front of Jon’s face and the other on his shoulder. “No comment! He has no comment! Come on, Jon, back inside.”

Thoroughly baffled, Jon allowed Uncle Jimmy to steer him back into the building.

“Hey, Frank, don’t let any of them in unless Mr. or Mrs. Lane-Kent says it’s cool, okay?” Uncle Jimmy said to the doorman.

Frank, who Jon had known since they moved here when he was ten, put his imposing frame in front of the door. “Absolutely not,” he said.

“Thanks, Frank,” Jon managed, and waited until he and Jimmy were in the elevator and out of sight of the reporters. “What the heck is going on?”

“You’re a social media sensation, kiddo,” Uncle Jimmy said, and held up his phone to display a picture of Damian wearing a tuxedo and looking elegantly bored. “Apparently Bruce Wayne’s kid told someone called ‘GraceFace’ that he was dating a boy who lived in Metropolis, and she told her three million Instagram followers. A bunch of them found this photo.” He swiped to show a slightly blurry picture of Jon and Damian in Centennial Park, clearly taken on a cell phone by someone moving quickly. Jon remembered that day but hadn’t realized anyone had recognized Damian, though it did happen. “And someone figured out your name.”

“And assumed I’m the boy Damian is dating in Metropolis,” Jon said, putting it together. “Wait. Is he dating someone in Metropolis? Did he mean me? Why would he say we were dating?”

Uncle Jimmy held up a finger. “No, first question before that: how the hell do you know Damian Wayne?”

“Uh.” Jon paused. Uncle Jimmy knew all about him and Dad, since he was basically Dad’s best friend, but not any Gotham secret identities, and Jon was pretty sure both Damian and Mr. Wayne wanted to keep it that way.

Uncle Jimmy’s eyes flicked to the counter that showed what floor they were on. “And before we get to your apartment...any chance you want to give me the exclusive on this saga of young love?”

Jon’s mouth dropped open. “Uncle Jimmy!”

“What? I’m a reporter, it’s in my blood!”

“I’m telling my mom you asked me that.”

“No, please, tell your dad. He can only heat vision me or throw me out the window. Either way it’ll be quick.”

“Yeah, that’s why I’m telling Mom.”

[kationella]

To Be A Sun

This is me ranting about the symbolism of the Sun Arcana characters in Persona. Ok, thanks.

As of Persona 5, our Sun characters have been Tatsuya Suou, Akinari Kamiki, Yumi Ozawa, Ayane Matsunaga, Sho Minazuki and Toranosuke Yoshida. Unlike the Justice characters, the Suns seem to be completely different characters with no similarities. At least, at first glance.

The themes of this rant will be the following:

1. Loyalty

2. Solar Eclipse

3. Center of the Solar System

4. Supernova

5. So...

Loyalty

I will begin with a trait that the Suns have in common: Loyalty; although they don't have the same brand. Whether its loyalty for a certain person or their personal ideals, the Suns will stick by them to the end of times.

Coincidentally, this also means that it will be extremely difficult to change their mind about the object of their loyalty. Stubborness is a side effect of this.

Let's review.

Tatsuya's loyalty lies with his friends, especially Maya and Jun. The latter tried to kill him and Tatsuya forgave him the same day. Not to mention that Tatsuya stubbornly clinged at the memory of his friends even though it meant the possible destruction of Earth.

Though we meet Akinari near the end of his life, we get a glimpse of his loyalty to the protagonist in the way he was always waiting for him each Sunday afternoon and how he strived to say goodbye to the protag even after his death.

Yumi's loyalty is towards her mother, getting angry at her father on her behalf and forsaking her role in the school play to help her.

Ayane is an example of the other type of loyalty; the one dedicated to their ideals and beliefs. Even though she develops it late in her Social Link, she learns to stick by what she wants for herself.

Meanwhile, Sho and Minazuki are devoted to one another. The entire plot of P4AU is them trying to be alone together.

Old Man Tora shows the two types of loyalty. The first one towards his firm ideals and the other one towards the people he means to serve. This is what makes him the only politician I believe in.

A Sun Arcana is one of the best friends you could ever get. The ride or die type of friend. The problem with this is that, in their effort to stick by their object of loyalty, they forget to take care of themselves. It would be extremely dangerous for them to align their loyalty with a toxic person or dangerous belief. More on this later.

The Suns need to find their inner source of happiness so they can properly shine. Something no outside force can take away. And talking about external threats...

Solar Eclipse

The Suns already start with a distinct shine of their own. Something they were born with. However, when we met them there is always one external influence that blocks their sunlight.

And so, we have the Solar Eclipse effect, where a character from the Sun Arcana feels inadequate due to factors outside their control, not realizing they are perfect the way they are.

It's common for a Sun to have a certain individual related to those problems who serves as their blocker.

Whether it's some dimensional game you're a piece of (Nyarlathotep and Philemon), your parents' dispute (Yumi's father), a lost opportunity to show your worth (Original Trombone Player), experiments made on you (Ikutsuki) or a scandal you were wrongly accused of (Kuromoto).

The only one without a certain person would be Akinari, but to be fair it's hard to blame someone else for a genetic terminal illness. Ironically, his last days were spent talking with someone who had a piece of Death inside him. Who knows. Maybe if Akinari had known that Minato was related to Death itself...

Especially if we consider that almost all of the Suns had an amiable relationship with their blocker at one point or another.

Philemon was Tatsuya's guide through his journey.

Yumi felt gratitude towards her father for bringing her to the world.

Ayane did return the trombone solo to the original player.

Ikutsuki was the closest thing Sho had to a father figure.

Kuromoto was Yoshida's old mentor.

Once that blocker moved on with their fate, the Suns started to shine again. And what to do now that the heavens are their own again?

Center of the Solar System

The most basic fact about the Sun (besides the fact that it's hot) it's that it is the center of the Solar System. Every other planet rotates around them. The Sun stays firm, with a shinning light for the rest of the system.

In the same way as that, the Sun Arcana characters have the potential of becoming leaders and the protagonists of their own stories, setting an example for the rest of their acquaintances.

Tatsuya is the most obvious example. He is the main protagonist of his own game. Nothing to say that isn't already known.

Akinari writes a storybook that would become the inspiration of a new generation of children, if Nanako's love for it is anything to go by.

The whole point of theatre is to lead the audience through a story and create emotions in them through a character. Something Yumi excels at.

Ayane's Social Link is about being more selfish and grasping the opportunities presented to her.

Yoshida is the most literal example, being a politician and all.

Sho still has to find that *something* that will end up making him an example to others but he is on the way.

A fully developed Sun will be able to be a charismatic leader, who earns the loyalty of their team through kindness and generosity. Sunlight is meant to help others see the world around them, in the same way Suns will help others see their potential and own inspiration. You just can't take your eyes off them since you literally gravitate towards them.

This is the main point that separates a Sun from a Star. Those with the Star Arcana need to learn they can shine brightly for themselves, while the Suns learn that they can shine for others as well. They all start with low self-esteem, but their pride will keep developing as time goes on.

Suns have a natural talent for initiative. Through their stories we helped them realize their own potential but now its up to them to do the rest.

Supernova

As we all know, fire needs fuel to burn, but what happens when you allow your inner fire to burn you from the inside out and leave nothing behind?

You get the case of King Leo, the Reverse Sun.

So far we have only one Reverse Sun character but we can determine a lot from him. Basically, Reverse Arcanas are the "corrupt" version of their original personalities, so what happens when a Sun becomes corrupted? Well...

See, King Leo or Sudou fits all the criteria that defines a Sun.

He is extremely loyal to both Kashihara and Joker. However, this loyalty only brought him misery when both abandoned him. Sudou poured so much in them that when they disappeared, he had nothing left.

Sudou thought his Solar Eclipse was caused by Tatsuya and Maya, when in reality it came to be thanks to Nyarlathotep and his father. A life of hallucinations and misery caused by these two.

Sudou's position as an executive in the Masked Circle shows his leadership aptitude and potential to become the center of his own system.

Sudou spent so much time eclipsed that, in his desire to shine as bright as he could to break free, he ended up burning everything in his path. He literally exploded in a fiery rage and collapsed.

At that point it became mercy for Tatsuya to kill him.

His is a sad case, especially when comparing him to the other Suns and realizing his lost potential.

A similar case outside of Persona where the "Inner Fire Burns All" applies would be Azula from Avatar. Now that I think about it, she would make a good Reverse Sun Arcana... hmm.

So...

The Sun Arcana is such an interesting card. By all accounts, it symbolizes happiness and joy. A common mistake is to think these are given. No, a true Sun Arcana *fights* to achieve that happy ending. Once they reach it, their victory will be the sweetest of all.

Celestial Arcanas in general have the tendency to be a guiding light to everyone else (although some of them do it unintentionally).

There is also the matter of the writing parallels between the Suns and their Moon counterparts, but that is a theme for another time.

And now you'll ask me: "Kationella, what was the point of this analysis?"

Well, it all comes down to one question that has been plaguing me for days:

Would it be ironic for Suns to wear sunglasses?

[lallemanting]

sara!!!!!! may i ask for a lil 'eliott coming home to lucas after the film shooting' fic🥺❤️ hope you've been well!

of course!! (though I’m gonna apologize now for the cheesiness) also happy birthday!!! 💛💛 hope you enjoy this little fluffy thing

never not thinking of you

His muse, he’d called Lucas once, when he showed him the completed script. Lucas had blushed, staining his cheeks a pretty pink and then rolled his eyes and called Eliott lame.

or, Eliott comes home to Lucas after shooting his film

Eliott is buzzing by the time he makes it home to his and Lucas’ apartment. 

It’s late. Or early really, the sun just about to rise, but Eliott hardly even feels tired, too amped up after finally managing to shoot the film he’s been worried about all semester. It wasn’t exactly how he imagined it, for obvious reasons, but he’s proud of it all the same, thrilled at the idea that he finally created something and managed to bring it all the way to fruition. Something he’ll be able to hold in his hands that started in his head.

He expects Lucas to be in bed as he turns the key and opens their door, stepping into the darkened hallway. He had told Lucas he’d probably be late and to not stay up and wait for him, knowing how exhausted he’s been recently studying for the bac. He’d been texting Lucas updates on the filming all night but when Lucas finally stopped responding around 1 in the morning, Eliott had hoped he’d finally let himself get some sleep. 

But when he walks into the living room, the light is still on, and Lucas is passed out with his face in his books on the couch. 

Something in Eliott’s chest picks up then, and all that excitement and energy he’d taken with him from the film set funnels down into a surge of affection for the boy sleeping there so peacefully, his cheek pressed into the pages of his biology textbook. Lucas looks so small and soft, and worry-free, a far cry from the anxious boy that’s been running around from study session to study session for the past few weeks. It’s like that first morning all over again, after the first time they kissed, when Eliott woke up and traced the lines of Lucas’ face with his fingers, so calm and happy that Eliott was beside him. The kind of thing he’d never felt before.

Eliott thinks for a moment about leaving him there, not disturbing his sleep and letting him rest, but he worries that his sleep won’t be as good if he stays there. Especially when they have such a comfortable bed in the other room. The last thing he wants is for Lucas to have a stiff neck in the morning. 

And there’s something else there, a selfish piece of Eliott that just wants to hold him close. The shoot, even though it had gone well with Lola, had just reminded him of all the ways Lucas had made him feel, the feelings and emotions he had had such a hard time articulating before that had just spilled out onto the pages when he sat down to write the script. His muse, he’d called Lucas once, when he showed him the completed script. Lucas had blushed, staining his cheeks a pretty pink and then rolled his eyes and called Eliott lame. But it’s true, how Lucas has inspired him, and later, when Eliott had pulled him close and kissed him deep and called Lucas his muse again, Lucas had let him.

Part of that energy that flows through him now: the excitement, the inspiration, rooted in his love for the sleeping boy in front of him. It’s the all-consuming, heart-wrenching kind of stuff that had taken Eliott a long time to believe he deserved. It rears up now and all Eliott wants to do is hold his boyfriend. Sue him. 

He lays down his bag gently on the floor and takes off his jacket and his shoes. He’ll put them away in the morning. Then he gently moves over to where Lucas is sleeping and begins moving the books and papers onto the table, careful to keep them in the same stacks and to mark the pages Lucas had open.

And then he gently brushes the hair off of Lucas’ forehead and leans down pressing a soft kiss to his sleep-warm skin.

“Lucas, baby,” he whispers, as Lucas begins to stir. “Let’s get you to bed.”

Lucas blinks once, then twice, before he seems to register the fact that Eliott is there at all. But then his face breaks into a wide smile and Eliott can’t help but fall in love all over again.

“Eli, you’re home,” Lucas says, his voice rough from sleep. He tilts his head back, asking for a kiss. 

And Eliott can’t say no to that, so he leans down and kisses Lucas gently, a press of lips as Lucas reaches out and wraps his arms around Eliott’s neck. 

“Lets go to bed,” Eliott says quietly, Lucas’ body soft from sleep as he holds him close. 

“Okay,” Lucas replies. And then, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Eliott whispers back. 

They walk together to their bedroom, Lucas tripping over his own feet as he fights his fatigue and Eliott holds on and breathes deep, something entirely Lucas filling his nose and calming him down, Lucas’ hair soft against his cheek. 

“Go lie down,” Eliott says when they finally reach the bed. 

“You’re coming too?” Lucas asks, eyes blinking and barely staying open. He clings to the bottom of Eliott’s t-shirt.

“Yes, in a minute,” Eliott promises. “Now go.” 

Lucas climbs gratefully into bed, pulling the covers up around him as Eliott strips down to his boxers, kicking his jeans off to the side. Then he goes to brush his teeth, fully expecting Lucas to be asleep again by the time he leaves the bathroom. 

But he isn’t. 

Eliott climbs into their bed and slides into the sheets, his head hitting the pillow before he shuffles closer, nearly brushing noses with Lucas where he lies near the center of the bed, facing Eliott’s side. 

Lucas opens his eyes as Eliott lies down and smiles when Eliott leans over and kisses the side of his mouth, sweet and soft. The fine line between what counts as late night and early morning hanging around them. 

“How did it go?” Lucas asks him, snuggling closer. 

The question makes a thousand things flit around Eliott’s mind all at once with all that he wants to say about that night. He wants to talk about the lighting and the shots and the way Jo had proposed his next film be about a ninja princess. He wants to talk about the rain that had just appeared and the way Lola had transformed when Maya showed up, but he knows that can wait for when Lucas decides he wants to hear about it. For now he settles on something simple. 

“Really well,” he replies, smiling at the sheer lightness of the relief. It had been weighing heavily on him, the stress of that project, and to finally have it done is exhilarating. 

“I’m glad,” Lucas replies, but he closes his eyes and again and Eliott can sense there’s something else there. 

He swallows, unsure of what to say. On one hand he would never want to make Lucas feel guilty for focusing on the bac, as he should, instead of helping him on his project. It all worked out in the end. But on the other hand, hearing Lola say the lines he had written imagining he’d be able to say them to Lucas had made his heart ache, wishing it could have been Lucas there instead. And he wants Lucas to know that, to know that he will always be Eliott’s first choice. 

The film was meant to be Eliott’s love letter to Lucas after all, to finally tell him all the things he had been keeping inside for so long, afraid that voicing them would make it disappear. But Lucas had stayed – he always stayed.

“I still wish you could have done it instead,” Eliott says quietly. 

Lucas opens his eyes again and smiles. “Yeah?”

“Of course,” Eliott replies. And it’s too much, Lucas all the way over there, three inches away across the mattress, so Eliott reaches out and pulls him to his chest. Lucas goes willingly, shuffling closer and tucking his nose into Eliott’s neck. 

“You can tell me about it if you want to,” Lucas murmurs. “And I know you want to.”

And Eliott does, but not tonight. Tonight he just wants to hold Lucas in his arms and breath him in and thank whoever sent him his way and saved him in the process.

“I will, but tomorrow.”

They breathe together for a moment, Lucas moving with the rise and fall of Eliott’s chest and he’s hit, for the thousandth time that night, with just how much he loves him. 

“I know you’ve read the script,” Eliott whispers, “but when we were shooting that last scene tonight, all I could think about was how much I wished I could be saying it to you.”

Lucas shifts a bit, propping himself up on Eliott’s chest as he looks at him. “Say it to me now,” Lucas says softly, leaning down to kiss Eliott gently, their lips brushing as Eliott inhales. 

“Now?”

“Now. Like a bedtime story.”

Lucas settles back down onto Eliott’s chest, and Eliott can’t help but hold him tight. He loves that Lucas knows he has it memorized. Loves that Lucas wants to hear it. 

“Okay,” he whispers in Lucas’ hair. “It goes like this:

I don’t want you to go. Because if you’re not here, it’s not worth it. Because I’ve been alone for years, and I thought it was better this way, but it’s not true. Because we barely know each other but I feel like I’ve been waiting for you my whole life. Because I love you, and I don’t want to be scared anymore and I don’t want to wait any longer. Because life is now.”

And as the sun breaks over the horizon, two boys, in a little flat in Paris, hold each other as they fall asleep. 

[mimicteruyo]

Mimic Media Power Hour [1/? possibly]

A.k.a. some books/games/what have you that I’ve experienced recently and have some thoughts about.

I hope to do something like this semi-frequently (and possibly talk about works from my childhood/whatever which have stuck to my mind.) Let me know if there’s a particular medium/theme/whatever you’d like me to focus on (if not, you’ll just get random stuff 👍)

Piranesi by Susanna Clarke

I quite enjoyed Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell, Clarke's previous novel: it's probably pretty telling that I read the entire 1000-page thing without complaints when I generally have little patience for brick-length fantasy novels that aren't called The Lord of the Rings.* Piranesi, however, felt like it was written specifically for me. The plot and setting bear some similarities to The House of Leaves, but other than that I can't think of anything else to readily compare it to, and it explores themes like memory and identity of course Mimic's going to be all over it. The titular character is both charming and unusual, and best of all the book's delightfully brief! I recommend it.

[*My taste in fantasy novels veers more towards pulp, YA, and whatever genre Discworld is.]

Hellsinker

YOU GOT INSANITY (I certainly did. *sigh*)

This game has been on my radar for a decade now as the legendary hardest, best, most incomprehensible shmup. However, I never made it past the initial ten-foot stone wall that's the barrier to entry and always told myself I'd get back to it "when I have the time." Well, I didn't really have the time, but with the aid of the tutorial in the Steam version (and switching to a different player character: Minogame ftw) I made it past the wall and discovered a couple of things. The game's reputation as the hardest shmup ever seems largely unfounded: though hard, none of the challenges I've encountered so far appear insurmountable. Its reputation as the best shmup is true.

I still haven't beaten it (or seen the final stage, oops), but I keep making progress, and till then the game's a joy to play. I've yet to play a shmup that rewards aggressive play like this one does (eXceed 2nd probably comes closest), and turns out that's something I really like. And the music is excellent. I'll get you next time, Rex Cavalier!!

Neon Genesis Evangelion

I've seen my sister exactly once this year, and while I hope it's not the case, it's possible I may not see her again until 2022. What did we decide to do with the time we had? Watch the entirety of her favourite anime, of course.

I already knew the basic plot and most of the big twists through osmosis, but several things surprised me. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that Misato is the deuteragonist. I was impressed by the depth of characterisation overall: even the bridge crew, while nowhere nearly as fleshed out as the complex main characters, stood out as actual people (Maya is the best don't argue with me). I also liked the character designs and the animation a lot.

But the biggest surprise was honestly how enjoyable the show was to watch. For something that has a (sort of? it's complicated) justified reputation for being bleak, I was surprised how fun and even somewhat optimistic Evangelion could be. (Maybe this is because I've previously read a work that was a major inspiration to Evangelion and which has a 100% stone cold bummer of an ending.) Overall, I thought it was a very well-made show + movie and very much worth watching for the experience alone.

We also watched the first three Rebuild films. I found the third one the most interesting since it diverged the most from what we had seen before, but overall, I thought they were more like enjoyable additions to the original show + EoE than a series that could truly stand on its own, possibly because the limited runtime narrows the scope of the story down to mainly just Shinji. Still well worth watching, however.

Life Is Strange

Hella baguettes yo. I played the game some ways in several years ago, at which point I sussed out who the villain was and lost interest in the whole endeavour for some reason. Last week, I watched Northernlion's playthrough, and while LPs may not always be the optimal way to experience a game, it worked out very well here: NL's commentary was funny, obviously, but I appreciated that he was also willing to engage with the game's story. It didn't change my life or anything, but I'm glad I finally got to see how it ends.

(For the record, I was 100% right about the villain. My reasoning was pure meta, however)

[sotorubio]

Can you elaborate on "the li's development would be smth ordinary for once"? That sounded pretentious of me sorry lol, but I don't see whats not ordinary about it rn? I want the focus to be on Bilals life but if her mystery sadness is connected to her ex, that works with her being LI (both of them are still inexperienced tbh unless you count 1 short ex = experienced; they'll probs awkwardly explore dating together), and if its her fam, they'll bond over that. What would you consider ordinary? 👀

post-answer addition: this got SO long for absolutely no real reason i'm so sorry smfjdkjdd

oh yeah that's a good question i should've probably phrased it better! by ordinary here i meant that it would've been nice to see smth so common as a first ever relationship (at least for jo) like when they get together that would be the "obstacle" they have to tackle by communicating & exploring their feelings

jo being sad abt her ex or having trouble w family ofc wouldn't be too outlandish or dramatic or anything & u have good points abt it fitting bilal's storyline as well! so that's not out of the ordinary as a concept but i was thinking how they always bring in these Issues & Struggles™️ for the LIs even tho the main character already has plenty to go around n i wish we could have an LI who's actually in a good place bc w a show like skam u only have 10 weeks to go through everything n u can't do time jumps etc so to me personally it's getting a bit tiring to see how these not-main-characters have problems that would be worth exploring in an entire season (tho smth like being upset over an ex ofc wouldn't require 10 weeks to go through) it's not always bad but it's getting repetitive imo

i guess for me it boils down to the fact that we've known jo for 2 seasons now even longer than bilal n even tho we've gotten Some information abt her family & life outside of lamifex there's rly never been much indication of her going through Rough Times. AND that alone ofc isn't bad like ofc the side characters should also have a life n it would be boring if we never knew anything abt their personal struggles just bc they're side characters n for example the ex thing couldn't have come up before s8 anyway but the fact that this mysterious side of jo is brought up Now n never before kinda comes off as them wanting the LI to have development other than the relationship. which obviously is great bc they should be more than just an LI n not just exist there (cough s6 maya cough) but it doesn't seem like this is smth they felt the need to write bc they care abt Jo specifically. it's just that she's the LI n therefore she needs Plot.

n that's kinda what my issue is n what i was thinking w the "ordinary" part like jo never having dated before + bilal apparently being a casanova smfjd it'd be an interesting/easy/naturally written conflict that would develop jo's character (learning to trust, being vulnerable which she almost never is, earnestly talking abt her feelings instead of just making jokes etc) without having to come up w some family drama for no reason. also it would've served as continuity from s7 if they had brought up her inexperience then n it had been "resolved" in s8

but that's rly just my opinion like if there's gonna be smth super dramatic happening in jo's life i'll be annoyed but if it's just her ex or smth minor i'm not gonna claim it's bad writing or anything! i just personally find it irritating that whatever jo's going through is treated as this sort of mystery/smth to anticipate when tbh i couldn't care less no offense to jo at all it's just that we're first watching bilal n his brother become homeless children n suddenly we're like hmm why is jo crying tune in next week to find out skfjslfj so by ordinary i mean that sometimes if the li has go have smth noteworthy going on in their life it'd just be smth they come forth with so we could get to the part where it actually develops the characters. now it's like. even if it IS smth as mundane as her being sad abt her ex they're still turning it into some secret we have to find out along the way which to Me is unnecessary but that's more of a personal stance (also probably isn't As much of an issue for ppl not following in real time)

also yeah u have a good point abt them both being inexperienced they're still teens after all just bc that one girl is pining after bilal doesn't mean he's like actually knowledgeable abt serious dating or anything so it's not like we won't see any normal awkward teenage romance! i just wish that theme could've been more central since so many ppl were happy abt jo representing them as a teenager who doesn't have Any dating experience despite most of her peers being in relationships