#this side of myself is tired and needs a break she did her best

[undergiants]

I wanna start dressing more butch again, I'll probably like go back to more femme eventually as is the case, but I feel like I need to pull my walls back up again and how I present kinda reflects that. I need to just stop caring about the hypotheticals and realizing that not only do people not that the right to inherently know my thoughts and opinions on things but also that many will not understand them anyway.

[hidtired]

Unfortunate Timing [Part 2]

(Daryl Dixon x Reader) Masterlist

Description: You found out your pregnant early into your relationship with Daryl Dixon. To make matters worse? The apocalypse happens a few days later! (not fully canon)

4.2k words

Warnings (Pregnancy, gore, abuse, violence, fluff, walking dead stuff, ect.)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 etc.

A single moment can change your life, change the world. Everything only seemed to get worse. The quarry was a group of survivors that had formed. You and the Dixons were outcasts, at least it felt like it. The girls seemed to see you in low regard being pregnant. The men were no better. They saw you as a burden. The feeling of people talking behind your back stressed you out. Being pregnant also didn’t help. You felt tired all the time, also being plagued with morning sickness. Which is a stupid name when it happens all day. Throwing up in a world were food is now limited also leaves you uneasy.

You also see that stress weighing on Daryl. It wasn’t long ago he struggled with the fact of having a kid. Now seemed even more terrifying. He was becoming short tempered, to his credit only snapping at you once but regretted the way he almost made you cry. “No! I won’t take a break I have to keep going out there for food! You’ve been throwing up half the shit I’ve already gotten for you!”

He didn’t mean for it to sound like your wrong for doing so, he knew you couldn’t help it. He saw the glassy film come to the corner of your eyes. His heart tugged. You were in your tent you shared, sat on the sleeping bag with your head shamefully down. “No, no. Come on…” he angled your face back up to met his. He sank to his knees in front of you. “I know you can’t help it. M’ just trying to say you need more. I just want to make sure you’re gettin enough.” You had asked him to stay because he was rarely around. He was out alone looking for food and you couldn’t help but see every time he came back a little more on edge. He was getting into his head to much out there.

He knows you’re having a hard time. With being pregnant at this moment in time how could you not. You had tried to talk to the mothers of the camp for advice on anything, they didn’t bat an eye to you. You had looked for support and were denied it. He saw that you were being treated like a Dixon. Something he was familiar with, and something Merle also understood. Merle became more chill around you. No more sexual comments or sexist remarks. Doesn’t mean he is any less better to be around. He treated you like a sister you thought. He still was an ass. Making mean comments or complaining about something you did. But he had become family.

Andrea was your biggest pain. She seemed like she had something to prove. She hated the traditional female roles that had been pushed onto the girls. You understood her disliking for Merle but she attached that to Daryl and you as well. She didn’t say outright mean things but subtle jabs. Week after week it was chipping at your demeanor.

So here you are now, you think almost 3 months pregnant. Seeing Daryl was the highlight of whenever he appeared. You sat in your tent with him getting ready for his 2 day hunting trip for a deer he knew was near by. He sighed feeling your eyes on him, “Yer breakin my heart with that look.” Your smiling face replacing your sulking one, “I’m just missing you already.” You stood up, “You should see something before you go.” He turned to you questioningly. You pulled your shirt up over your stomach and turned to the side, “I know I haven’t seen myself in a mirror for a while but, I think I’m showing?” You looked up from your little bump that you could see spotting the surprised face he was making. He gulped before talking, “Ya sure are…” he walked closer placing a hand to your tummy. You saw his teeth were clenched. He felt the weight of pressure crushing him,

“We are doing are best, that’s all I could ask from you.”

He left for his hunt a little less stressed. You also saw Merle off later into the day with the first group run to the city. “Hey do me a favor and don’t get yourself killed.” Merle turned to you, “And have those freaks naw on m' sweet ass?” You chuckle as you walk away, “Let’s just hope you remember your ass from your elbow!”

The day progress like any other. It had just become the afternoon when the sound of the radio chirped on. It cause some disagreement about making a sign to warn others about the city. You just went back to minding your own business. You helped boil water taking notice of Lori trimming her son’s hair. You spoke up noticing the displeased look on Carl's face, “Going for a mohawk Carl? Or maybe you’re thinking bald.” His nose scrunched up at the thought. You laugh at the reaction, “Bald people run faster.” Carl smiled, “Nuh-uh!” You shook your head and shrugged, “How do you know if you won’t try.” He looked to his mom, “I’d rather have hair than be faster!” He said it to his mom like he tried convincing her to not make him bald. Lori smiled at her son, “Ya me to, but if you keep moving you might be bald at the end of this.” He straightened and stilled, but he still spoke, “I hate haircuts…”

Shane came and sat down looking at you briefly. “One of these days you’ll be missing your mother’s hair cuts.” Carl rolled his eyes, "I'd like to see that day!" It had initially shocked you that Shane wasn’t Carl's dad. You always assumed for how close they were and how often they would walk into the woods together. Then it put a gross feeling into your mouth that his father had only recently died. Shane was his apparent best friend and coworker. But it wasn’t necessarily wrong, you just didn’t like to think about it often.

After finishing with boiling water you handed it to Carol. You felt sweaty and all around unpleasant. You needed a nap. You said to Carol that you were going to lay down if they needed to find you. You woke up to arguing. The group that went out had radioed saying there was a problem. Everyone was scared for their respective family that had gone to the city. You felt a pit form in your stomach. The hormones in your body already swarming causing you to be unable to control them. You picture what happened to your Aunt in front of you. Sometimes it still feels as if the blood was still on your face. The thought of knowing she was one of those things walking around somewhere. Maybe they all were already dead like her. You weren’t exactly thrilled about Merle as a person but, you knew deep down he was another person to help protect your baby.

You decided there was no use in stressing yourself, so you went and distracting yourself with chores. Laundry, moving fire wood to our fire pit, took a walk near the perimeter, which now leaves you here at the waters edge. You used the cool water to help with the swelling in your feet and ankles. Week after week you had the sense that being pregnant is going to really suck farther down the road. You fiddle with your knife while swaying your feet in the water. Lost in your own world when an echo starts to ring out throughout the quarry.

The car alarm got louder so you slipped your shoes on and walked back up to the camp. You saw a red car and Glenn standing outside of it. Shane opening the hood and pulling something to stop its beeping. People were yelling at him for answers when a van appeared, ‘so everyone made it back.’ It was a relief to stop the constant thought of the worse. You couldn’t help but notice Merle nowhere to be seen. But that thought was pushed aside when you heard Carl scream,

“DAD!”

You watched with a smile at the reunion of the Grimes family. Also taking notice of Shane making a weird face. He probably was feeling sick to his stomach and you thought it kinda deserved. He did persuade his grieving wife. The thought was interrupted by T-dog coming toward you with a concerned face. You clicked something was wrong, then started to look around. Merle was still no where. The sinking feeling of realization hit you. T-dog watch as understanding washed over you. A hand over your mouth, “W-where is Merle?” A few others turning at the mention, Lori’s husband taking the most notice. T-dog spoke first, “He was putting all of us in danger. He was cracked out of his mind.”

You squeeze your eyes shut, ‘I told him to behave.’ You inhale trying to calm yourself, “He dead?” T-dog shook his head. You nodded looking at all the pears of eyes on you. Your eyes were shiny but nothing fell. You huffed and walked back to your tent. While you were upset about Merle being gone it wasn’t about that. It proved how fucked this new world was becoming. A world your child would have to be in. Suddenly being pregnant with them seemed like the safest place for them. Your thoughts of how it would suck later in pregnancy and 'couldn’t wait for it to be over' stopped. Your child is the safest it will ever be in its life. That terrifying thought scared you.

It wasn’t until later when the sun began to set that you had calmed. It was cold and you wanted to sit by a fire. People were surprised when you appeared and sat with them. You had over heard parts about what happened to Rick. But at the sight of you got them talking about Merle. It was Dale who brought it up, “Who is going to tell Daryl Dixon about his brother?” Rick glanced to you then back to Dale, “I will. I’m the one who handcuffed him.” Then T-dog shook his head, “Nah I dropped the key, makes this one mine.” Based on that information you started to piece what happened on the run. That thought stalled to a stop when Glenn stated, “Not to make it about race but maybe a white guy should tell him?” Is that what they thought about Daryl? They just assuming he is like his brother? You huff in anger, “Really Glenn? He is not racist. He’s only the person that, you know, been feeding all of you.” Glenn turned sheepish at your harsh tone. You stood, “But you know, leave his brother for dead seems like a good trade for how much he has been doing for all of you people!”

You visible deflate mood switching on a dime. You move a hand to your small bump, “Sorry I know you probably had a good reason, Merle is a hard ass.” You sunk back down enjoying the fire too much to go to bed. Rick’s voice spoke calmly, “Your pregnant.” He stated it more as a realization. You look to his shocked face, clearly thinking of how unlucky a timing it was to be. You chuckled speaking sarcastically, “Keep up with those observations and you’re sure to make detective.” His eyebrows drawn in by thought, “Merle was the father?” Disgust washing over your face, “Ew. God I take it back.” Everyone was surprised at your blatant dislike for Merle. They knew Daryl was the dad. You start to clarify, “Daryl is the dad.” You took notice of there original reaction, “Look I don’t like Merle anymore then you probably do. Half the time I don’t think Daryl does either! But he is still at the end of the day my family now.”

Peoples lack of trying to talk to you has put there own version of you in there head. They thought you were quiet and jumpy. Questioning if they did talk to you they would do more harm then good like with Carol. Now the few talks they’ve had or heard from you made sense. You were out spoken and just tired from being pregnant. You stood up again feeling awkward. “I’m going to bed, figure out what to say to Daryl. Maybe watch out for a punch or two.” So you walked off to bed. You were happy you could see Daryl in the morning, but the thought of him learning of his brother broke your heart. You tossed and turned most of the night with the thought.

The light shining through your tent lead you awake. Still trying to cling to as much sleep while feeling drowsy. Then you heard Carl and Sophia screams. You sat up and tried to get to your feet causing a wave of dizziness. The shuffling of stomping feet telling you people were running over there. You slip on shoes taking a moment to become alright with gravity again. Amy and Andrea walked away when you walked over a voice caught your attention, “Its gotta be the brain, don’t youall know nothing?” You smiled glad Daryl is back. When you turn the corner however you weren’t expecting a walker and deer to be sprawled out dead on the floor. You made eye contact with Daryl when the smell of the walker pulled a gag from you. The smile being wiped from your face as a hand comes to your mouth. You immediately turned back around and walked away.

Daryl was well aware of how sensitive your senses have become. You can’t handle anything raw at the moment. He noticed a week into the quarry how you would look at something raw, something that never bother you before, and it would make you queasy. Speaking of raw he should probably get the squirrels ready. He sighed watching you walk away with a love sick hopelessness washed on his face. Something that people have never taken notice of before. So he called for his brother to help, so he could get to you sooner. That's when all hell broke loose.

You heard the calls for Merle hearing Daryl walk back. Then you saw all the guys surround him. Then you watched him pace back and forth. You knew that was a coping thing he did so you decided to stand closer. By the time you had walked over he threw the squirrels he’d caught at Rick. You didn’t even have a moment to yell his name when the former policemen jumped him and pinned him. Shane putting him in a headlock and Rick getting in his face. You yelled in displeasure,

“Get the hell off him!”

It was the loudest anyone has heard you, also the angriest. Shane had glanced to you before releasing his hold on him. Daryl sprung back up frustration clear on his face. When he turned to make sure you were behind him you caught a glimpse of his eyes becoming glassy. T-dog chimed in from the earlier conversation you didn’t hear, “It’s not his fault, I dropped the key.” Daryl’s voice strained, “You couldn’t pick it up?!” T-dog looked down guilty, "Well, I dropped it into a drain. But before I left I chained the door shut." Daryl shook his head and started to back up, "That supposed to make me feel better! Hell with all of y'all, just tell me where he is so I can go an get him." You hated to see him upset. You weren't expecting Lori to pipe in and volunteering her husband to take Daryl there. Rick said he was planning to go back anyways saying it was wrong for anything to suffer like that. Shane being the typical hard ass and self employed leader strongly disagreed. With a few others joining it was decided, they were going to get Merle back.

You were finally alone with Daryl again. He still seemed riled over everything but also you could see he was getting emotional. He was turned around facing away from you. You slowly wrapped you arms around him, holding him from behind. He slowly turned into you resting his chin on your head and arms going over your shoulders. You felt him release air, sinking into you. He try's to hide it but you see he is exhausted. You saw he felt like he had to prove something to you, or maybe just to himself. He released you with avoided eye contact. He took a moment with you and collected himself but, he was still a man on a mission.

You watch as Daryl throw things into a bag and refusing to met your eye to avoid whatever look that would break his heart. They were about to take off back to the city and into danger, so you stopped Daryl by putting your hands to his chest. He spoke before you could, "Look I have ta go get him, I know you don't want me goin-" You cut him of by grabbing his face, "When you see him again you tell him I warned his dumb ass, and when you get him back here I'm going to chew him out for this!" He looked at you stunned. You use your grip on his face to drag him into a kiss, "And you better comeback here without a scratch!" He smiled at you, eyes soft, he kissed you again.

"Yes Ma'am."

They had left hours ago and you had that uneasy feeling again. You respected Rick more then anyone else at the camp and he just got here. He was a decent guy but feel bad watching Carl's worried expression. Lori even flipped that he was going right after she herself said he was. Mood swings on that girl, and your the one whos supposed to be pregnant. Jim was off digging which concerned a few. It led to him tided to a tree for his own safety. Granted it was the only eventful thing that would probably happen today. Unless a swamp monster dragged itself out of the water you and all the girls were doing laundry in. Although Ed was a close to one. It was a welcome distraction all the same. To have girl talk again was essential to any girl and none can say other wise. Most of the girls seemed like they could now talk to you and it was a relief.

Although Andrea kinda still sucks the life out of fun, "So how did you end up pregnant?" Most girls look over to her wet laundry in hand and displeased looks by the question. You tightly rung a shirt and looked at her in the eye, "Well, I think your a little old for the birds and bees talk." That gained an eye roll from her but chuckles from the others. You smiled before giving her the answer you are sure she was trying to dig for, "I found out a day before the fall." The thought making you think of your Aunt. You continued on anyways, "Daryl and I hadn't been dating that long I'll be honest, so it wasn't exactly planned. Then I thought it was the end of the world." You look around to the thoughtful faces around you and shrugged, "Turns out I was a day off on that though." It was lighthearted from there, mentions of things that they missed from before. Carols unexpected and less then innocent choice sent waves of laughter throughout the lady's. That fun was crushed by the swamp monster known as Ed.

It lead to something you didn't expect. His sexism rubbing everyone the wrong way. Making Andrea questioned what he did instead of sitting on his ass doing nothing. Which while true and agreed with it lead to him to try to take Carol away and most likely go hit her. When Andrea challenge Ed in doing so it left a sinking feeling in you. You were uncomfortable with confrontation, probably do with the way your parents had treated you. Even with the sinking feeling you try and pull Carol behind you. The exaltation of his action were unpredictable, "Think I won't hit some pregnant whore?!" That was the first swing. It almost fully landed grazing your cheek. Carol had used the arm you had on her to tug you back before he swung. The frightened yelps and yells grabbing the attention from those farther. Carol now stood slightly in front of you, your cold damp hand moving to your warmed cheek he clipped. Ed now focused on his wife slapping her and trying to drag her away but the other girls now stepping in and clung to her. You didn't even see Shane before he pulled Ed backwards and began to lay punch after punch into him. Everyone but Carol were stunned into silence. Carols cry's and the grunts coming from the men filled the air. So maybe Jim wasn't the only thing that was going to happen today.

Everything was tense after that. With the amount things gone wrong and the still missing members that went to the city, moral was low among the group. Later in the evening Amy and Andrea had gone fishing catching dinner. The sun drifted closer to fully set as the fish was cooked with one question still in there minds, 'Where were they?' The smell of the fish left you gagging and need for fresher air. You found you way back to the water to dip your swollen feet in the water again. It wasn't a unusual thing you did, you did it often. Knife in hand and legs swaying in the cool water. The light dissipated making you aware you should get back soon. You had heard laughs by the camp so moral was rising from the stressful day. You used your cold hands to press to your reddened face from almost getting flattened out by Ed. Daryl would will not be happy about that. You had pulled you feet from the water shaking the water off them to put your shoes on. Then the day got even worse. A scream ripped threw the air making you turn to the sound. You see outlines of figures in the dark. You feel fear crash into you.

'Walkers...'

There were even two coming closer to you from the woods to the side of the water. They had almost snuck up on you if you hadn't looked around because of the scream. A tremble was in your hand as you gripped the knife you had. You slowly back away, hearing gunshots off in the air. Daryl had taught you this for this moment. He had grilled this into you in fear that maybe he wouldn't be around to protect you. The first walker was a thin women, the other a male missing its arm and limping. You lunged the knife into the women's eye. Your knife breaking by the blade as the women fell over dead. The snapping of the metal was like slow motion, the other walker steps away from you. You step back bare feet getting hurt by the jagged rocks. You had looked down spotting a larger rock and hurriedly pick it up.

You remember the motions Daryl had showed you for self defense but had never practiced them with him. He didn't really like the idea of rough housing with his pregnant girlfriend even if it was for your defense. You reached and tugged the one arm the walker had and tripped the thing in the motion. It was flat on the floor about to get back up and grab at you. However, rock in hand you threw downward blows one after another even after the thing stopped moving. Blood splatting all over you shirt and down your arms. The buzz of adrenalin causing your hands to violently shake when you stopped swinging. The urge to cry was strong but you notice the now slue of gunshots that had increased stop. The silence broken by the yell and worried cry for your name.

"Y/N!!!"

Your body fluttered at the sound of Daryl. Still bare foot you ran up the gravel hill and yelling back to him with emotion in your voice, "DARYL!!!" You had made it to the top getting to see him wipe around to your voice. His crossbow dropped to the ground as you both booked it toward each other. He didn't know what to think when he couldn't find you after the last walker fell. The inability to find you cracking a desperate hole into his chest. When he heard you and saw you running to him relief flooded him. As he ran panic rose again seeing you dripping in blood. Inches apart he heard your desperate sobs before crashing into one another. He pulled you off your feet lifting you into him. His voiced stuttered out, "Are you bit?! Are you ok?!" You voice quivering as you sucked in a breath. "I'm alright-t." He felt you shaking like a leaf and whispered into you, "I've got ya, nothin is gonna hurt ya." You had barred your face into his neck now crying in relief. Daryl helped you get cleaned up, that night you clung to him while everyone 'slept'. A moment can change everything, and it was clear to everyone after today.

They were no longer safe here and things were only going to get worse.

Part 3

Feedback welcome and requests open!

taglist

@daryldixmedown @aureolinb @the1eyedmonster16 @lettersfromyourlove @felicisimor

@daryl-dixons-left-hand @sokkasimp101 @darylssextoy69 @ddixon99 @itwasntaphasema

@iluvme9 @lunajay33 @twisteduniverse5 @thestonedwriter

[morgana-larkin]

hi, I think I have a crazy and [loooong] prompt baskdjskkaka. From Melissa's line 'no women? nobody else?ever?'

The staff is reminiscing the little bickering a year ago or two about Janine's love life, only then the staff realize what has Mel said, that she's like into women too. Barb knows tho and Mr. J because ofc he knows everything what has happened in those hallways. So Ava, Janine and Jacob being themselves + Greg surprisingly, began to interrogate Mel about it and in some point she got tired of the constant questioning so she just admitted that she had a relationship with a woman before, particularly a teacher too at Abbott few years before the new teaching staff and principal arrived at the said school. She goes to describe the woman with a little smile on her face without realizing it, did not mention what happened saying they should take what she offers about her private life,the truth is, she still feel guilty of what has happened realizing she's wrong and it's too late. At that, she thought the staff will finally leave her alone but no, since she's single again after the failed proposal, they're like encouraging her to date and maybe try again with a woman. Ofc she declines, then one day Ava burst into the break room grinning, saying a new member of the district is around to help the school, but the top of the icing, as she quote, is she had finally found a match for Melissa not knowing who's r really is, then introduces r to the crew. And man, best believe Melissa almost threw herself out of the window when she sees the very woman she had a relationship before and apparently who she had managed to hurt that still haunts her at night, r is no different from the redhead as she is aslo shocked to see the woman, still there and stunning as ever, because last time they saw each other, the woman cursed that she doesn't think she can stay in a place where she knows r had lingered or stepped a foot with. So basically it's the queue for r to left Philly and never go back, but she's God's favorite and he decided to send her back to the very place she avoids the most. [The breakup is ugly, as it is a big misunderstanding, the redhead saw the other woman kissing, or rather being kissed by a man, against her will which she doesn't know since she became real irrational that point and didn't even listen to the plea of the other woman]

And bc of the weird and awkward reactions + interactions from the two women when they're in a room together, the staff slowly put 2 and 2 together that the new district member that has been sent to the school is the very woman who Mel had a past with.

That is so long I'm so sorry, I just need to let it all out or else I'm gonna combust

Anon it’s perfectly alright, let it all out. This took me so much longer to write and it’s just under 5,000 words😅. There’s so much fucking angst and as someone who hates seeing Melissa upset, I was literally glaring at myself for writing that Melissa is going through it. So I hope you enjoy it! As always not edited in the slightest!

As a side note I wanted to thank @janeyseymour for helping me out, I had no idea what former teachers do at all and she let me know a bunch of them!

Want You Back

Warnings: swearing, Melissa crying, smut

Words: 4.95k

“No women? Nobody else? Ever?” Melissa said 2 years ago.

“Wait, what did Melissa mean by that?” Janine asked Gregory and Jacob one day when they were walking into work and talking about the conversation they had in the library a couple years ago.

“I don’t know, but it is weird that her first instinct was to immediately ask about women first instead of men.” Jacob says, contributing to the conversation.

“Do I even want to know what you nerds are talking about?” Ava asked them.

“It’s about Melissa, from something she said 2 years ago.” Gregory said and Ava looked at them.

“Melissa has said a lot of things 2 years ago.” Ava said.

“It’s when we were in the library and I said that I’ve been dating my boyfriend since 8th grade and you all questioned it and Melissa said ‘no women’.” Janine explained to Ava and this caught her interest.

“Oh ya, I remember that. I say we question her.” Ava said but the trio stopped her.

“No, this is Melissa we’re talking about. She won’t tell us something about her life so easily.” Janine says.

“Good point, we could annoy her until she gives in.” Ava suggested.

“Maybe another plan where we don’t put our lives at risk.” Jacob says.

“Oh come on. Melissa likes us too much now to kill us.” Ava says proudly and they all look at her like she hit her head. “I did say now, 2 years ago she definitely would have killed us.”

“That’s true, but we can’t ask her multiple times in one go, it’ll have to be a couple to a few times a day.” Jacob says.

“Ok let’s start now.” Ava says, excited about this plan and heads towards the break room. Ava enters, drawing attention as usual with the trio in tow behind her. “Melissa, question.” Ava asks as she pours some coffee in a mug. Melissa glances up at her from her phone.

“What do you want Coleman?” Melissa asks and looks back to her phone, typing something.

Ava smiles at her as she pours an unnecessary amount of sugar in her coffee. “Have you ever dated a woman?” Ava asks and Melissa freezes.

She looks up from her phone, “what?” She asks.

“Have you ever dated a woman?” Ava repeats. Melissa looks at her and sees the trio looking at her waiting for a reply.

“It’s none of youse business who I have or haven’t dated.” She says and goes back to her phone.

The trio and Ava look at each other and smile a little. They have a feeling that Melissa actually might have dated a woman due to her freezing.

*At lunch*

“So you have dated a woman haven’t you?” Janine asks her at her table.

“I thought I told you this morning it’s none of your business.” She glares at her. Janine gets the hint and goes to her own table.

*after school*

“Melissa, we just want to know if you’ve dated a woman before.” Jacob tells her as they all leave the building together.

“Why do you want to know so badly?” Melissa asks them, annoyed.

“Because you never tell us anything about you.” Janine says.

“Ya we just want to get to know you better.” Gregory says.

Melissa rolls her eyes. “What brought this up all of a sudden?” She asks them.

“Well remember when Janine made us play that annoying game and write something about ourselves on a card and then we guess who it was.” Ava asks, earning a ‘heeeey’ from Janine for calling her game annoying.

“Vaguely.” Melissa says, very short with them right now.

“Well, after Janine said he’s only ever dated one guy since grade 8, your immediate response was ‘no women?’.” Ava says and Melissa looks at them.

Melissa then proceeds to walk to her car. “Like I said , none of youse business.” She says and reaches her car and turns to look at them. “So stop asking.” She says and gets in her car.

*the next morning*

The trio keep glancing over at Melissa. They want to ask but wondering if it’ll be dangerous to ask her.

“I feel you guys looking at me.” Melissa says looking at her phone, unimpressed by them. And at that Ava comes in.

“We just want to know the answer.” Jacob tells her.

Melissa sighs and turns around and glares at them. “Ok fine. Yes, I’ve dated a woman before, last one was a few years ago before youse started working here.” She told them and they all beam.

“Omg this is so exciting!” Janine squeals.

“I can’t believe you never told us you were bisexual.” Jacob says.

“What was she like?” Gregory says, and they all look at him then back to Melissa.

Melissa immediately starts thinking about you and she smiles. “She was a teacher here, she taught 3rd grade and left 4 years before you guys started.” She says pointing to Janine, Jacob and Ava. “She was beautiful and smart and brave. She was funny and sarcastic as well and able to keep up with my wit.” Melissa continues. And they all listen as Melissa describes you. And unknown to Melissa, she was smiling the entire time. The only thing Melissa refused to say was your name and why you broke up.

“Why don’t you want to say her name or why you broke up?” Ava says.

“How about youse people take what I give about my life and shut it.” Melissa says and turns back around to go on her phone. Barb looks at her concerned. Of course she knows what happened since she was there and knows how guilty Melissa feels about how it ended.

“Have you ever thought about dating again, specifically a woman?” Jacob says.

Melissa turns to look at him. “No, I’m not going through it again.” She says with a slight voice crack.

Of course none of them listen to her and keep on the lookout for a woman that’s Melissa’s type. And then one day, Ava does. She bursts into the break room, full grin on her face and immediately looks at Melissa then back to the full group, she thinks she found a match for Melissa. Melissa gets up to get herself a coffee and pours it into her mug.

“Hey nerds listen up! The school district sent us a vice principal to help out around the school and they’re paying for it.”

“Really?” Janine says.

“Yep, oh here she comes.” Ava says “and her name is y/n y/l/n.” She says as you enter.

Before anyone can say anything, the sound of a mug breaking is heard near the coffee machine. They all turn to see Melissa with her hand out, as she just dropped her favourite coffee mug full of coffee and it broke on the floor. She’s standing there looking at the new woman who entered in complete shock, completely unaware that she just dropped her mug. They all look towards you who’s looking at Melissa with an expression that can mirror Melissa’s.

“Melissa, r u ok?” Jacob says, and Melissa glances at him briefly before looking down at the floor.

“Uh, u-um y-ya ya, I’m fine, I’m just gonna let Mr Johnson know about the mess.” Melissa says and books it out of the room. A minute later Mr. Johnson appears and sees you , then shakes his head, muttering ‘this will be interesting’.

They all introduce themselves to you , except for Barb. Once the trio and Ava leave, you look at Barb then at your feet, not knowing what to say to her.

“It’s nice to see you again dear.” Barb says and you look up at her.

“I had no idea that Melissa was still working here. I also didn’t really have a choice, the district sent me saying this school needs a vice principal and I needed a job.” You tell her.

“It’s alright, I understand.” Is all she says.

“I-I’ll avoid Melissa as much as possible while I’m here, to avoid any drama as I’m sure she’ll do with me. So you don’t have to worry about that.” You tell her then leave.

After that Barb leaves the break room and goes to check on Melissa. And sure enough, just like she thought, Melissa is having a full on crisis in her classroom. Melissa is at her desk writing something harshly, then gets angry at her pen for not working properly then throws it across the room.

“You’re handling it better than I thought.” Barb says after she sees Melissa throw the pen. Melissa whips her head at Barb and looks at her with anger in her eyes that quickly turns to tears. Barb immediately goes and comforts her the best she could.

“I can’t believe after all these years, she’s here again.” Melissa says, crying into Barb’s shoulder during a hug.

“I know dear, I know.” Barb says, patting her back.

“I thought I’d never see her again, after 6 years I still feel guilty about what happened.” Melissa says, still crying.

*6 years ago*

You and Melissa were at a club, drinking. Celebrating the end of another school year.

“Hey Amore, can you go get us some more drinks?” Melissa asks you, as she got the previous ones.

“Of course beautiful.” You tell her and give her a quick kiss on the lips with a smile. You then get up and go to the bar to get some drinks. You order a drink for you and Melissa’s favourite drink, then a man comes up next to you as you're waiting, and starts chatting you up.

“Hey there pretty lady.” He says and you glance at him and sigh, you just ignore him.

After your drinks are done, the guy is still trying to talk to you. Before you can reach for your drinks, he gets up and goes behind you and kisses you, blocking any possible exit. The guy is twice your side, you try pushing him off but he wouldn’t budge.

Melissa is wondering what’s taking you so long as it’s been 5 minutes. She gets up and goes to the bar and sees you with a man’s tongue down your throat, pressed up against the bar and Melissa sees red. As soon as the guy gets away from you, you see Melissa standing there about 10 feet away, looking pissed. Melissa stomps over to you, grabs your wrist and drags you out of the club.

“WHAT THE HELL Y/N!!! WHY WERE YOU KISSING HIM!” She yells at you and you’re taken aback.

“Did you think I wanted him to kiss me?” You ask.

“Well it sure as hell didn’t look like you weren’t enjoying it!!!” She yells at you.

“Melissa I didn’t…” You try to explain what happened but she cuts you off.

“I don’t fucking care what lame ass excuse you’re about to give!!! I want you and your shit out of my house and nowhere near me again!!! In fact!! Why don’t you leave the fucking city! I don’t want to see you and your cheating face ever again!!!” She yells at you and then turns around to go to her car. You run up and grab her arm to try and get her to listen to you. She shoves your hand off of her and you try again. “Let go of my y/n!” She tries to shove your hand off of her again but you hold on.

“Please Melissa! Just listen to me!” You tell her with tears in your eyes. “He kissed me! I didn’t…” she doesn’t want to listen to you anymore and pushes you off of her and you stumble and fall back on the ground. You look at her full of hurt and tears. She just turns back around and walks to her car and drives away.

You end up staying at a friend's house for a few weeks. You end up telling the principal of Abbott Elementary that you quit and won’t be coming back, you get all your stuff from Melissa’s house when she told you she won’t be there so you can come pick it up. And after 2 months, you end up finding a place out of Philly and get a job at the school district. You feel hurt and abandoned by Melissa. Your friend told you to forget about her if she wasn’t willing to listen to what happened and fight for you. You left a note at her place, explaining what happened at the bar as she blocked your number after telling you when she won’t be there for a whole weekend to come get your stuff. You left her place with your things, completely heartbroken, you thought Melissa would be it for you but you guess you were wrong

Melissa on the other end wasn’t any better, when she got back from her weekend trip, she saw your note and read it. Full of tears in her eyes as she realised her mistake. She immediately unblocks your number and a bunch of messages you tried to send her appear. She read them all, she wanted to send you a message, saying she got your note and wanted to talk, and then she saw your last message.

You: I know you won’t get this Melissa but I’m really sorry about what happened. I’ll be changing my number today and moving out of Philly soon so you won’t see or hear from me again. Love, y/n.

She saw that the message was sent yesterday, she was too late. She has no idea where you are and no way of contacting you.

*back to present day*

“Melissa, what if this is your chance to fix that mistake?” Barb says. “You told me that if you got a chance to apologise then you would take it.”

“It’s been 6 years Barb, she’s probably moved on and doesn’t care about me anymore.” She tells her. Barb doesn’t push her anymore, knowing she needs time and space right now.

At lunch time, you finish talking to Janine in the break room and go to leave. At the same time Melissa is coming in and you walk into each other. You both stare at each other for a few seconds, not knowing what to do or say. You then walk around her and leave the break room. Melissa stands there for a few more seconds in shock. She then looks over at everyone and they’re staring at her confused about what just happened. Melissa doesn’t say anything, she just gets her lunch and eats in silence.

The second period after lunch, Melissa has a prep period as her kids are in art class. She’s marking some tests when you knock on her door. Melissa doesn’t look up as she’s finishing up marking a question.

“Just a sec.” She says.

“That’s fine, I can wait.” You say and Melissa freezes and looks up. “I’ll just sit in one of the students' chairs. I’m sure they won’t mind.” You say with a chuckle.

Melissa quickly finishes marking the question and then looks up at you. “Hi y/n” she says and you look at her.

“Hi Melissa, long time no see.” You tell her.

“Ya, 6 years.” She says, embarrassed.

“Barb told me what happened with the vending machine guy, sorry about that.” You tell her and she nods.

“Y/n was there something you wanted?” She says.

“I wanted to make sure that me being the vice principal here won’t cause any…conflicts.” You tell her.

Melissa freezes, she’s caught in between, she wants to say yes so that you’ll leave and she won’t have to feel guilty every time she sees you but a bigger part of her wants to say no, she missed you and it was nice seeing your face and smile again. Melissa knows what she has to do, she can’t be selfish but she can be careful.

“No I don’t see why it would.” And you look at her and Melissa feels the need to get it over with. “I mean I moved on and you moved on, the past is the past right?” She says and if she’s honest, it hurt her to say that to you.

You were in a similar spot. It hurt to hear her say that she’s moved on from you but what would you expect. It’s been 6 years and you guys ended badly and you assumed that more than likely she didn’t read your note, probably threw it out.

“Ya, we’ll keep it professional.”

“Ya professional, exactly.” She agreed and you got up.

“Oh I’m supposed to introduce myself to all the teachers and ask if there’s anything they need.” You tell. “I got to know the principal more and while she’s nicer than the one that was here when I was a teacher, this one also doesn’t do anything.” You say and she chuckles.

“Ya I have a feeling you’ll be doing most of the principal duties as well.” She says.

“Yep, more than likely. So was there anything you need? Paper? Glue sticks? Pens?” You ask her.

“No no, I think I’m good for now but I’ll let you know if that changes.” She says and you nod.

“Alright.” You say and go to leave then turn back around. “Btw love the rugs. Am I correct to assume you had something to do with that?”

Melissa smiles and puts her index finger over her lips “shh” she says and you smile and mime zipping your mouth. After you leave , Melissa looks at the doorway and sighs. “What I need is you.” She says quietly.

Over the next month, the trio and Ava slowly start to figure it out. You and Melissa barely are in the same room together, barely speak to each other, and when you do, it’s very awkward and uncomfortable. Then they see Melissa’s face when she sees you, full of guilt and sadness. And when you see Melissa, your face is full of hurt.

“Melissa, how do you know y/n?” Janine asks Melissa after a month of watching the awkwardness.

“She’s the vice principal, so we all know her.” Melissa says to them, the trio not convinced for a second and she doesn’t even believe it herself.

“Come on Melissa, it’s obvious you knew her before she got here.” Jacob says. “I mean you’re interactions with her are awkward and tense. And when she first got here you dropped your favourite mug. I mean the only reason I would act that way is if…’’ Jacob doesn’t finish it as he put it all together and he gasps. “Omg y/n is the woman you dated!” He squeals out and Melissa whips her head around in shock since he figured it out.

“How the hell did you figure it out!” Melissa says and immediately her eyes go wide and covers her mouth with her hand for accidentally confirming what he said.

“So wait he’s right? She’s the one you told us about?” Janine says and Melissa rubs her temple with her hands.

“Ok fine, yes he’s right. Y/n is the woman I dated 6 years ago. But it ended badly and I don’t want to talk about it any further.” Melissa says and then walks out of the break room.

“What’s the matter with Melissa?” Ava says as she enters. “She seems grumpier than usual, I just said hi to her and she told me to go to hell.”

“Y/n is the woman that Melissa dated 6 years ago.” Jacob says and Ava has a shocked expression.

“Omg really?” She says. “Barb, why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because Ava, it’s not my secret to tell, it’s Melissa and y/n’s.” Barb says to her. “What I will tell you is Melissa feels guilty and is too afraid to apologise and y/n is too busy thinking that Melissa hates her. I’ve been trying to tell each of them to talk to each other but they’re both so stubborn.”

“Maybe we can trap them somewhere together and force them to talk to each other.” Ava suggests and they all agree, including Barb, that it’s not a bad idea.

“Ok but that requires a door that can lock from the outside and you can’t unlock it without a key from the inside.” Gregory says.

“I know just the place.” Mr Johnson says and they all turn to look at him on the other side of the room, not knowing he was there.

“You’re willing to help us with this?” Janine asks him.

“I was rooting for them 6 years ago when y/n was a teacher here.” He says and they look at him. Of course he knew, they honestly are not surprised at this point.

They put their plan into play, the next day during lunch they were gonna lock you two in the janitorial closet and Janine was gonna take Melissa’s kids with hers and go to the gym and then do a big art project in her classroom.

So when Melissa was going to get her kids, Janine asks Melissa if she could help her reach something from the Janitor closet and Mr Johnson went to ask you if you could help him with something in the closet. Melissa was grabbing the item when you walked in and then the door shut. You ran to it and tried to open it but it was locked.

“Did they just lock us in here?” You ask her. Melissa was too stunned to see you that she didn’t even realise what happened until you spoke.

“Ya I think they did.” She said.

“Why would they do that?” You ask her, annoyed.

“Probably for us to talk.” She says and you look at her.

“What is there for us to talk about? There’s absolutely nothing for us to talk about” You say and cross your arms.

“Actually there’s something. ” Melissa says and sits on one of the chairs that’s in there, while you sit on the other.

“What is it then?” You ask her and she takes a deep breath.

“6 years ago.” Is all she says but you understood.

“There’s nothing for us to talk about. You said it yourself, it’s in the past and we’ve both moved on.” You said and you look at her and she looks hurt. “What?”

“Have you really moved on?” She asked and you look at her.

“It doesn't matter, I know you moved on though. ”

“Ya a failed proposal is definitely not moving on.” she says.

“But you were in a serious enough relationship with him for him to propose.” You tell her and she looks down.

“Ya I guess so.” She gets her phone out to text Barb to come let them out and gets a reply back.

Barb: not until you talk to her.

Melissa: no, it’s too painful, please let us out.

Barb: I’m sorry Melissa but I know this was hurting you. Seeing her everyday is hurting you.

“They’re not gonna let us out anytime soon are they?” You ask her.

“I don’t think so.” She says and then looks at you. “I’m sorry.” She says.

“It’s not your fault, you didn’t lock us in here.” You say, totally missing what she was apologising for.

“That’s not what I’m apologising for.” She says and you look at her.

“Then what are you apologising for?”

“For 6 years ago, making a big mistake.”

“Wha-”

“I read your note.” She says, cutting you off. “I should have listened to you but I was just so angry that I couldn’t think.” She tells you and looks at you with guilt. “The real reason I said no to Gary is because I didn’t want to be with him because I still have feelings for you. And I felt so guilty about how I reacted and I unblocked your number when I got home after reading your note and read all the texts and I wanted to find you or contact you but I had no way of doing that.” And a few tears slip down her cheeks.

“I haven’t moved on, you know. I’ve forgiven you for that night but I haven’t gotten over you.” You say and Melissa is looking at you with wide puffy eyes. “I tried, I ended up living with a girlfriend for a year. But then she broke up with me when she wanted more and I didn’t. Said I was emotionally unavailable. Which I guess is true, you can’t develop big feelings for someone if your heart belongs to someone else.” You said and the look on Melissa’s face said it all.

“Who does your heart belong too?”

“You.” Melissa sucked in a breath. “When I saw you standing there in the break room after 6 years, I couldn’t believe it, and you still look beautiful and stunning.” She let out an airy laugh.

“You as well, you still look so damn beautiful. My heart belongs to you too.” Melissa then gets up and walks over to you and crouches next to you and holds your hand and you look down at her. “I want to be with you again, if you’ll have me.” She says and you tuck a lock of hair behind her ear and smile at her.

“Of course, I want to be with you again too.” You said and Melissa beams. Then she gets up and leans in and kisses you. After 6 years Melissa finally felt back home again, like her lips are supposed to be on yours and no one else’s. You pull back after needing to breathe and you look at Melissa who’s smiling at you.

“You know I don’t think they’ll let us out until it’s the end of the day. So we still got… 2 and a half hours.” Melissa says, looking at her phone. You then get up and make her walk backwards and get her to sit on her chair and then straddle her lap.

“I think I want to know how to spend that time.” You tell her with a smile then go to kiss her again.

Melissa kisses you back passionately with her hands in your hair and yours are on her hips. Melissa’s hands travel down your body and land on your chest. She then puts her hands under your shirt and cups your boobs and you moan into the kiss. She then moves her lips down to your neck and starts sucking on it and you gasp before placing your mouth on her shoulder to muffle your sounds. Melissa giggles at your actions before unclipping your bra and lifts your shirt so she can put her lips around your nipples. You try to move your body so you can grind her leg but Melissa keeps you where you are and you whine.

“Patience, I don’t want to waste you on my leg.” She tells you and flips you both so you’re the one on the chair and removes your pants and underwear. She then immediately dives down and licks your pussy and you cover your mouth with your arm to muffle your moan. Melissa then puts her tongue in your entrance and begins tongue fucking you and you bite down on your arm as it feels so good.

Melissa tastes you again after years and thinks of how you still taste so good. She moans and it vibrates on your entrance and you gasp. She moves her tongue out of your entrance and goes for your clit and sucks on it. You’re moaning into your arm like crazy right now as Melissa is fucking magical with her tongue.

Melissa looks at you trying your best to muffle your sounds and gets up and kisses you. While kissing you, she slips a finger into your entrance and a thumb to your clit and you clutch her hair. She slips another finger in and pushes them in and out of you quickly while rubbing your clit. It doesn’t take long until you’re shaking and Melissa knows you’re about to come.

“Go on Tesoro, come for me.” Melissa whispers into your ear and then goes right back to kissing you just in time for you to come. “As soon as they let us out of this closet, I’m taking you to my place. I’ll cook us something and then it’s to my bed. How does that sound?” Melissa asks you after removing her fingers out of you.

“I like the sound of that.” You tell her, trying to catch your breath. “I honestly miss your cooking, and your body.” You say and she smiles as she kisses you again. She helps you get dressed after kissing you and then she sits down on the floor with you curled up on her.

And that’s how the Abbott crew finds them after they go to unlock the door after the students leave. They unlock it and see you on Melissa with her hands wrapped protectively around you and they all have their mouths open in shock.

“Oh finally.” Melissa says and you get off of her and help her up. “Come on.” She tells you and grabs your hand and begins sprinting out of there and you’re both giggling.

“Was that a hickey on y/n’s neck?” Janine says and they all look at her then back at you two running out of the building.

And when the two of you get to her place, Melissa keeps her word of making a meal then spending the rest of the evening in her bed.

Taglist: @esposadejoyhuerta

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If you want to be added then let me know!

[websterss]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐖𝐇𝐎 𝐒𝐄𝐄𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇 𝐌𝐄 — 𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐍𝐘 𝐋𝐎𝐂𝐊𝐖𝐎𝐎𝐃

𝐑𝐄𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓: Heyy! Could I request an Anthony lockwood x reader where lockwood gets injured on his side on a mission so at home reader helps him take care of it but he has to take his shirt off. Basically full of fluff

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆(𝐒): A lil bit angsty with some fluff

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓: 2,881

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: Anthony Lockwood x fem!Reader  

𝐀/𝐍: Hope you enjoy it! :) I added angst cause I couldn’t help myself. Anthony Lockwood screams angst lol.

𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

“Can you stand at all?” Lucy gave a once over to the boy pressed up against a stone. Lockwood grimaced as he felt an ache course up through his rib cage. He faintly nodded a yes to lessen Lucy’s worry over him.

“I think I can manage.” He smirked to mask the pain he was in. “Though I could use a hand.” He reached up, eyes falling onto George. The curly haired boy met his hand and helped him onto his feet again. A muffled grunt didn’t go over their heads. One silent glance of communication was enough to agree to head on home. A home where you currently waited for the trio in. 

“Y/n is not going to be pleased about this.” George grimaced.

“So don’t tell her.” Anthony scowled with a grimace.

In a series of cases you would accompany them. The trio originally being a quartet, but after a case with a type two and a torn ligament. Lockwood thought best to keep you under house arrest, much to your chagrin, though you happily obliged to his wishes. Staying home at least until your foot is fully healed. That meant you weren’t allowed to apply pressure to your injury, thus preventing you from doing normal human things. You did your best to offer your knowledge and help out in terms of research, but you would much rather be out there in the field, another thing Lockwood was firm about, no forms of physicality. You hated being homebound, stuck staring at the small four walls of every room in the house, though you knew as much that Lockwood would have a cow if he so much saw you anywhere else but within the apartment. The bloke nearly panicked one day after you stepped foot outside to fetch the mail. Now you wondered how he would react once he knew about your rendezvous scales up and down the staircases. Your foot was far from healing at this point though you obliged. Wanting to keep the peace.

What seemed like a never ending wait, quickly vanished as the familiar twist of the doorknob got your attention from the living room. You hastily pushed yourself up to stand, hobbling towards the entryway. Your smile greeting your tired friends. Lucy reciprocates your smile, whereas George brushes past you with a curt nod, and Anthony…well he has yet to meet your eyes. You glance over at Lucy in hopes of an explanation, but she only further replies with. “It was our most difficult case yet. I’d give him some time.” You place your hand over hers that fell onto your shoulder in passing up towards her room. Your hand lingering on your shoulder. Tucking your neck in, as you subconsciously tether on your good foot. All your weight applied to your left side.

“Anthony.” Your voice rings out but it’s a faint mutter. Loud enough to dance in and out of his ears. You didn’t dare raise an octave. Too scared to break the silence with so much as a raise of your voice. “Ant-“

“Please.” He begs, shaking his head. Not in the mood to be lectured or frowned upon, he wouldn’t be able to bear it, seeing a frown on your soft features. He already got a glimpse of your worry stricken facade. He didn’t want to add on to your concerns. He didn’t need you to strain yourself over the horrible ache in his right side, not when you had your own injuries to worry about. His breathing becomes labored, his jaw clenches. The visible vein popping against his forehead makes your smile downcast.

“You’re hurt, Anthony.” You point out the obvious. You sigh, closing your eyes for what you knew was about to be a stubborn battle that was about to commence.

“It’s nothing.” His voice shakes, making his brave exterior falter. “Nothing I can’t handle.”

“Show me.” You gesture to the side he holds.

“I’m fine. No need to get over dramatic on me.” He straightens out with a smirk. His arms open wide for emphasis. “You have your injuries. I have my own. Goodnight, Y/n.” You roll your eyes, letting him brush past you slowly, then watch him ascend onto the second level. You wait a second then follow after him. Your slow thudded steps are not missed by him. He stops as he reaches the last step. Watching you hold the railing to support your climb. “What the bloody hell are you doing?”

“Wondering if you enjoy pissing me off.” You retort. You land on the deck with a huff. “Wow, that does not get easier.”

“Have you been practicing?” The realization hits him hard. His jaw drops, as two and two come together. You climb with ease, quite possibly faster than he could with his injuries.

“It was either I sit around all day. Or ascend the stairs. What do you think?” You pat his chest. Walking ahead and into his room. You turn back around to face the brute still gaping at you in the middle of the hallway. “Now show me!” You gesture for him to enter. He hesitates, but obliges. Coming into his room, and shutting the door behind him. He glanced up at you, waiting patiently for him to let you tend to his injuries.

“You really ought to just head on to bed. I’ll be fine.” He suggests, rather than fall vulnerable under your now narrowed annoyed eyes.

“And you really ought to know when to shut up.” You motion with your head to his bed. He averts his gaze, looking anywhere that isn’t your hard glare. He knows you mean well, but feeling the full blunt force he received when he fell against his ribcage. He didn’t want to imagine what his side appeared as if it’s caused him this much pain already. He didn’t want to burden you. See you in such pain. Your nurturing and caring stature is something he adores. You always look after others when you should apply such tendencies to your own self. You put others needs before your own, and right now, he knew after showing you how bad he was suffering, how much he was hiding, your mind would linger on this moment for a long time, until your mind occupied something new to dwell and overthink about. It’s why he’s so hesitant to even sit on the edge of his own bed.

“When will you stop being so stubborn and ask for help?” You walk over to the corner of the room, collecting a small aid kit, you recommended Anthony keep, in times of need, and situations as such. He had the tendency to gain a few cuts and bruises here and there. Overworking himself, and hardly gaining any sleep.

“Why bother? You see right through me every time.” The corner of his lips lifts. Eyeing you carefully as you set the box beside him. You roll your eyes, bringing a vacant chair over in front of him to help you clean up his wounds. You scoot until your knees brush. You sigh once more, meeting his eyes that have yet to leave yours.

“You’re right. I do see through every bullshit attempt of feigning okay.” You nod. “Though I wish more than anything that you’d tell me instead. That you’d use your words instead of having to see pain written over your face. I wish you’d tell me, Ant.” Your eyes begin to water. As do his. He holds your gaze, letting his walls tear down to allow you a second of entry.

He nods knowing that he definitely lacks verbal communication. He nods because he knows how this all affects you. He nods because you're the only person who truly sees him. Who doesn’t push him, but encourages him to find his voice and let his guard down around you. A tear falls down his cheek. “It hurts.” He finally allows himself to admit.

You hastily nod, swallowing down the ache in your throat. You sniffle as you try to gain your composure. “Where?”

“It’s my side…” He grits his teeth. “I fell on my side.” He closes his eyes as you go to lift the bottom shirt. His hand quickly stops you from pulling the shirt upwards. “No, no, no. I don’t want you to see. If it hurts this much then it can’t be far from looking bad.”

“Anthony please.” You plead. “I need to see so that I can help you. Make sure you don’t have a broken rib or worse!”

He thinks about it before giving in. His grip on your hand lessens up. You meet his gaze for a brief second then slowly go to lift the hem of his shirt. You lift and lift until his mid section is revealed to you. Your audible gasp has him thinking the worst. You reach out to touch him but stop. “I-I need you to remove your shirt.” You clear your throat. Tears brimming your eyes again. Your teary eyes lift to meet his now concerned ones. “Can you remove it?” You don’t even need his answer, his injuries do look as bad as he says he feels. A firm shake of his head is all you need to help slide down his blazer past his shoulders. Once carefully removed. His shaky hands fumble with unbuttoning the buttons. You take over and start from the top to the bottom. Once you reach the last button, you halt your movements. The overly confident person you are diminishing in a heart heart. Your cheeks grow warm as you overthink about the compromising position you just put yourself in. A shirtless Anthony was not something you thought you’d encounter.

You undo the button and push the shirt open. His chest, now revealed and his bruising and cut now more visible. Your breathing comes out shaky as you go to grab a cloth and disinfectant spray. Your eyes fleet back to his chest, shamefully letting your eyes take in his build. Anthony was a sight that was always sure. Despite the bags under his eyes, and overconfidence, you can see past it all and gawk at his attractiveness. His ego was now surely boosted as his eyes crinkled mischievously. A smirk prominent on his lips as he watched you try and subtly avert your eyes elsewhere, like towards his injuries, but your gaze flickering between his own eyes and open chest has him finding this whole predicament amusing. 

“You’re bashful.” He teased, reaching forward to poke fun at your cheeks.

“I am not.” You scoffed at his accusation. You denied him, reluctant to let him see that he was winning and you were losing, very very badly. 

“You know if you wanted to rid me of my shirt, you only needed to ask.” His laugh broke the barrier, the evident grimace now apparent as he grunted about the pain he felt. He had to make a mental note to not shake of laughter, at least until he got better and his side wasn’t currently sore. 

“Keep laughing, see where that gets you.” You chuckled, yet the familiar twinkle in his eyes was now reflecting back at him. “Besides…who says I wanted to see you shirtless?” Your eyes fail you as you chance a look at his chest again, then to his knowing stare. You let your head fall wanting to avoid confronting him and your clear feelings for him. Though the slight lift of your chin by his own hand has you thinking that the feelings you hide might not be all so invisible to a certain someone. 

“I say.” His face inches closer, the warmth of his breath closer to your lips than you wanted. The smallest flicker down to your lips then up to your e/c irises does not escape you. Your breath hitches when he lets his head lean against yours. Heads now pressed together. His hand still lingers under your chin, never retracting or falling back down to his side. “I am so utterly grateful for you, Y/n. I don't know what my life would be like if you hadn’t walked into my life.”

“I didn’t exactly walk though now did I?” Your smile widens. Eyes crinkling at the corners as you pulled back to look at him. “More like fell.” You laugh, reminiscing over your first encounter with each other. Another one of your cases gone wrong, you fell backwards when Anthony had opened the door your back was pressed against. Two strangers meeting under a ghostly scenario. What more could perfectly describe your bond with one another? 

“You were scared that day.” He remembered. You nodded.

“I was…It was my first case. I was on my own till you showed up.” Your stomach flutters under his gaze. You fiddle with the cloth in your hands. “I’m glad you did though. You saved me that day.” You let out a breathy laugh. His eyes never faltered, never fleeting. His gaze was intense, wanting to remember every little detail about you. This life you all lived, nothing was ever truly promised, you and him weren’t so easily promised. Tomorrow could come, but there’d be the chance that you wouldn’t. He was so afraid of losing you. Losing the team, and ending up alone like how he was after his parents died. He was trying to hold onto you all until he couldn’t anymore. 

“No.” He denied it. “You saved me.” He adjusted himself into a better sitting position. Straightening up. You gave the faintest smile. Looking away in hopes to lessen your flustered state. You saved him, and he saved you.

“You okay? I bandaged up the wound as best as I could, but you’ll need another clean up tomorrow.”

He looked down to observe your masterful work of art. He nodded reassuringly that he was okay. “Nothing a few pain meds can’t fix.” He joked, but saw you hesitate. “I’m okay. The pain isn’t as bad anymore.”

“Sure?”

“I promise. You’ve cured me.” He beamed.

“I wouldn’t go as far as that but I do try my best.” You began gathering the mess you made and all the opened wrappers.

“No, you are the best doctor anyone could ever ask for.” He placed his hand over yours stopping you from cleaning up after yourself. “Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me everytime I bandage you up Lockwood.” You reminded him. You’d help him any day given, no questions asked. “I want to help.”

“Thank you for everything you do for us.” For me, he wanted to say. You rolled your eyes and gathered up all the trash. You moved the chair back to stand and was stopped by Anthony’s grip on your wrist again. “You okay?” Your brows furrowed, looking down at him. He strained himself, using your arm for support to stand up to his feet. His breath shuddered as he stood silent for a second. “Anthony you okay?” He nodded in response. Then he grew flustered himself. You opened your mouth to speak again but clamped it shut when he leaned forward. His lips pressing a soft gentle kiss against your cheek. Your eyes widened in surprise, and your breath hitched in the back of your throat. Your dilated pupils met his own that were widened in shock of what he had just done. Your grip on all the trash loosened causing all the scraps to fall and float towards the bottom. “Oh I uh-” You scrambled, bending down to collect all the trash. Anthony raised a hand to rub the back of his neck subconsciously. He did not expect you to react this way. 

“Sorry here let me-”

“No it’s okay I got it-” You waved him away. Though as you rose to your full height and he lowered closer to the ground, your heads budded against each other. You both groaned, touching the areas that collided. 

“I’m so sorry-” He began, grimacing as the pain in his side returned.

“It’s fine!” You reassured him, rubbing your aching headache.

“No really. I shouldn’t have kissed you. I caught you off guard and I-” He was then cut off by your own lips. You pulled back in haste. Eyes widened in shock. You reacted impulsively and your mind said to kiss him, so you shut him up. “Oh…” He was the speechless one this time. 

“Sorry-” You began. He held onto your shoulders, shaking his head to reassure you. 

“No, it's fine. I just didn’t expect it.” You nodded in response this time.

“I’m gonna go now…” You answered lamely, gesturing with your thumb to the door. “Let you get some rest.” You took a step away only to be stopped once more. The tug on your forearm causing you to turn back around to face him.

“Stay.” The four lettered word caused your heart to skip a beat.

“Stay?”

“I want you to stay.” He muttered softly.

“You want me to stay?” You breathed out softly.

“I do. Please stay…If you want to of course!”

“I do.” You nodded surely.

“Okay.” His smile grew, tugging your arm to lead you closer to him. 

“Okay.” You breathed out a laugh as you continued to let him tug you closer. 

[thewritingofamadwoman]

To Forgive or Not To Forgive, That Is The Question

Part two of “Should I Stay or Should I go”

Pairing: Mark Sloan x Fem!OC

Warnings: some fluff, some angst, Mark being his usual handsome self.

Thank you for reading & Enjoy!

It had been exactly one month since Mark Sloan officially started working at Seattle Grace and honestly it has been the worst few weeks of my entire existence. My head and heart were all over the place, at war with each other whenever I saw, thought of, spoke to, or worked with Mark.

The more logical, realistic side of me was angry and hurt, betrayed that I had no choice but to work side by side on some cases with the man who had left both my daughter and I when we needed him the most. The emotional, more physical side of my brain couldn’t stop from preening whenever Mark complimented me or flirted with me. He once placed a hand on my waist to squeeze by from behind me I could swear that the entire hallway heard the how loud my fucking heart was beating.

I tried my hardest to be the bitch I needed to be to deter him. I would glare and roll my eyes, snap back and avoid Mark at all costs. But of course, somehow the largest hospital in Seattle had become smaller than your average kindergarten classroom. I couldn’t avoid Mark Sloan no matter how hard I tried.

I was currently standing at a nurses station, flipping through a chart while Callie stood next to me, signing a few papers. Cristina Yang was crunching on chips in front of us when she let out a low whistle. Callie and I turned our attention to her when she nodded her head towards the end of the hall. There Mark stood as he chatted with Derek, in scrubs and a lab coat. The men were whispering about something, and Mark let out a laugh, throwing his head back. Callie let out a breathy laugh of her own.

“Damn he’s hot,” she said, and Cristina hummed in response. I rolled my eyes but couldn’t take my eyes from Mark’s silhouette. They weren’t wrong, Mark was hot. So very fucking hot. But…he fucked up. And I couldn’t forgive him. I shouldn’t forgive him. Right?

“He’s alright, I guess. But he’s an ass,” I said nonchalantly and forced my eyes back to the chart in front of me.

Cristina snorted and continued to munch on her chips.

“Sure, but that’s a fine ass he has,” she chuckled and Callie laughed along with her, agreeing. I looked up to shush them but my eyes connected with Mark’s from across the hall and I stuttered. Make gave me his signature smile, eyes gentle, before turning back to Derek. Callie and Cristina turned around to stop themselves from giggling. Controlling my blush I closed my patients folder and slapped Callie’s arm with that same folder.

“You two are horrible. Just horrible,” I mumbled at them before I walked away.

——

The day continued and Mark always seemed to be in my peripheral vision. Everywhere I went, he was there. Whether he was with a patient or chatting with one of our coworkers, Mark Sloan was never more than 40 steps away from me at any given moment.

I reached my breaking point before lunch.

“Oh for fucks sake,” I muttered to myself when I saw Mark chatting with Alex Karev, MY intern for the month. I marched to both men and cleared my throat.

“Mark, can I speak to you for a second?” I bit out, doing my best to remain civil.

“Uh yeah, sure. Of course. Karev, I’ll see you later,” Mark nodded at Alex before turning to me, a friendly smile on his face.

“Mark, what are you doing?” I sighed, tired of all the emotional whiplash. Mark looked at me, seemingly genuinely confused.

“What do you mean? Karev? I was just chatting with him-“

“No,” I cut him off. “What are you doing here, in Seattle? At this hospital? You’re one of the best plastic surgeons in the country and you had to come to the one hospital I work at?”

Mark gave me a small, sheepish smile.

“In my defense, this is the number one trauma center in the west cost and Richard Webber really did give me an offer I couldn’t refuse. But the main reason? You know the main reason, Lise. I came to apologize. What I did was wrong. So fucking wrong,” Mark sighed, and the use of a nickname I hadn’t heard in a long time did not go unnoticed by me. I let him continue.

“I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you and to our baby girl. I was young and dumb and I know that those aren’t excuses, but you have to believe me when I say that I want nothing more in this world right now than to be with you and to finally meet my daughter.” Mark’s eyes pleaded with mine and I could see the sincerity within them.

But I couldn’t bring myself to forgive him right away.

“Mark, you broke me. I was ready to start a family with you. And you just ripped my heart out and stomped on it. I…I’m not sure I can just forgive you like that,” I said, my heart clenching at the thought of us being a family again. I didn’t notice the hot tear sliding down my face until Mark’s hands cupped both of my cheeks, his thumb brushing the stray tear away.

“I’m sorry Lise. I’m so sorry baby. I will spend the rest of my entire fucking existence trying to earn your trust back, if you’ll let me. I want to do right by you and our baby girl. I know what I’m signing up for here. And I’m willing. Please, just let me try to prove myself to you. I want to be the one who makes you happy again,” Mark pleaded, his own eyes watering with desperation. I reached up and grabbed both of his wrists in my hands before staring into those beautiful blue eyes of his.

After what felt like an eternity, I nodded.

“You get ONE chance. This is it, Mark. You fuck this up and we are DONE for good. You don’t get to talk to me or see our daughter. You disappear from the fucking face of the earth and leave us alone. Do you hear me?” I said. Last time, I let logic and reasoning rule my heartbreak. This time I was willing to let emotion take over. I was still raw from the heartbreak but I guess I loved Mark Sloan more than I was willing to admit.

Mark’s eyes widened and he smiled, squeezing my face in his hands just a touch and leaning forward to place a gentle kiss on my forehead. I closed my eyes at the sensation, opening them back up once Mark had pulled away.

“You won’t be disappointed baby, I promise.”

Part Three…? ;)

Tag List (thanks for reading):

@caseyandsloan @xjasam4lifex @spookyboogyuniverse

[neo404]

Can you do one where y/n is secretly gay and had the hugest crush on nick since he was 7 but never actually acted on it but y/n gets tried of pretending to be straight so he breaks up with his girlfriend and then goes sees nick crying and ends up telling him he's gay (you can add smut if you'll like.)

Start Over. (part 1)

Summary: You break up with your girlfriend after behing tired of hiding your feelings for Nick.

Tw: cursing, a bit of anxiety.

Note: Nicks texts are purple and yours are blue.

I look at my phone as it rings, a message from Nick pop ups in my phone, the background of him and me in the beach playing in the water lights up. Lila always told me to change it to a picture of her but I always brush it off telling her that it was a special memory.

I tap on it and when the chat opens a picture of the both of us playing on a park in Boston pops up, we are maybe 7 or 8 years old. I smile at my phone and a little message appears.

>You were soooooooo cute, what happened to you?

I feel my cheeks burn a bit and I type back.

>I got even cuter, can’t say the same about you.

I send it and I can picture his grin and his eyes rolling. I miss him, when I feel the acrylic nails dig into my shoulder I remember where I was.

"Are you paying attention?" Lila asks and I look at her, suddenly I remember where I was, the sound of the football match blasting on the TV, our 'friends' screaming and chanting at their teams. I feel my body grow tense.

"No. I-... I need to get some air." I get up but her hands are still on my body.

"Want me to go with you?" she asks.

"Not really, I’ll be back quickly." I try to not make kt a big of a deal as I walk outside the house, I sit on the porch and let out a sigh as I bury my face on my hands. "Shit." I mumble to myself.

My phone rings again. I grab it.

>Whatever loser.

>How is the game going? Is your team losing? I hope it is.

I smile again, my heart flutters and I try to swallow my feelings. Because I shouldn’t feel this way about my best friend, I shouldn’t feel this way when I have a girlfriend, I shouldn’t feel this when I like girls... Or do I? I have never really looked at Lila the way the guys on the movies we watch look at the girls, I never get the urge to kiss or cuddle her. I like her company, she's a great friend, and I’m sure most people would think she is an amazing girlfriend but I just don't feel the same. Do I not like her? No, I don't.

Shit.

Fuck.

I hate this.

>Hey, Nick. Call me, please.

>Everything okay?

>No.

>Code Sink??

>Yeah....

>Kay, I’ll call you in 3 minutes. Make sure everyone hears that you have to go.

>Thanks.

I take another deep breath. I stand up and walk inside, everyone was still screaming and laughing, I sit back on my spot, Lila asks me something and I only nod, my palms sweat, my head feels dizzy. Nick, get me out, please, get me out. The sweet perfume of Lila hits my face as she leans on my shoulder, I try to not move, I pat her head and she smiles. I feel bad, I like you but not like you like me.

My phone buzzes, I pick it up and a few friends look over at me.

"What? He is sick?... okay I’ll be there. Yeah, don’t worry, I'll buy that. Hm... No, it’s okay. Bye, Dad." Nick talks quietly on the other side. He tells me what to say and I repeat it. I feel Lila squeeze my arms as I speak. I put my phone down.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah... I mean, my cat ate something bad and puked, my dad is worried. So, I better go check on them."

"Oh no. Poor kitty, I hope he is fine." She kisses my cheek. "Go, text me." I kiss and kiss her forehead; I stand up and say a quick goodbye to everyone. I walk outside and when I close the door behind me, I feel my world crumbling.

What would he think of me? What would he say? Will he hate me? Will she hate me? Will they be disappointed?

Fuck.

I call Nick. It rings twice and he picks up.

"Hey, everything okay? why did you called sink?" Nicks voice sounds worried and sincere, it calms me down.

"I just felt overwhelmed." He hums. "Talk to me while I walk home." I say as start walking on the cold night.

"Okay. So, today we took a few pictures for Instagram, I was going to send them to you so you can pick which one I upload but you were busy with your friends and-..."

"Never busy for you. You could have just texted me."

"Whatever."

"Don't roll your eyes at me." I chuckle.

"HOW DO YOU-? you are spying on me, you creep." I can tell he is smiling.

"No, I just know you too well. Keep going."

"Whatever. I haven’t posted them yet, so you can choose. We also bought these gross gummies of different flavors; we will try them on our next video but I also want you to try them."

"Hell no."

"Please, it will be fun. Plus, Ill invite you to sleepover."

"I can just invite myself; I know you don’t mind." I see the building of my apartment; I sit on the front stairs because I don’t want him to hear that I have arrived. I don't want to end the call.

Nick and I talk for a good time. I know he knows I’m home; he isn’t stupid.

"Would you still be my friend if I told you I kind of don’t like Lila...?" I drop suddenly.

"What?... WHAT?" I feel my eyes water. "Shit, that came out wrong. Of course, I’ll still be your friend but why would you say that??"

"Nick... I, shit, Can I go to your house tomorrow? I’ll talk to you then." I hang up and rush to my room. I hear my phone ringing and buzzing but I don’t pick up. I turn it off. I throw myself in my bed and cry.

Guilt and shame fill my heart. I feel sorry for Lila, I feel sorry for myself, I am afraid to lose him. Eventually I fall asleep.

Friday morning, I get ready to go to uni. The day is heavy, my mind filled with thoughts and my heart rushing. By the end of my day, I walk to the outside of campus when I feel two small arms around mine. Lila...

"Where have you been? I have been searching for you all day." I see her friends behind us. I gulp and look down at her.

"Lila... can we talk?" Her eyes widen, maybe she knows what I will say.

"Of course, what happens?" Maybe it’s because she is the one initiating our kisses or cuddles, maybe it’s because I call her baby just because she asked me to. Or because my wallpaper is my best friend, but she knew, and something inside of me knows that she found out.

"I like a guy..." I whisper. Her grip on my arm tightens, her eyes water and mine do to. "I’m sorry, I really am."

"Don’t be..." her voice cracks.

"I hope we can still be friends and-..."

"Give me time. I hope it goes well for you." She turns around and walks away to her friends, they quickly hug her. her face hidden by her hands. They all look bad at me, I get it, I would have done the same. I have done the same, I also looked at myself with hate.

I walk away. I grab my phone and call Nick.

"Jesus, I was so scared. What happened?"

"I broke up with Lila..."

"Oh shit... I- Are you okay? Where are you?" I hear him walking and opening a door.

"Walking to your house. Are your brothers there."

"No, they left. I’m here, I’ll wait for you on the porch."

"Kay, thanks. I’ll be there."

I walk to his house, it’s a bit far. But it gives me time to breath, hold back my tears and swallow my anxiety.

I hope he doesn't hate me...

Taglist: @freshloveforthefit @shywolfapricotfan @sturnphilia @matty-bear @thenickgirl @stvrniolvsp @paige05 @soursturniolo @miloisdone1 @teenagetrash00 @lovely-calypso @h3arts4harry @malirosee

[subwaytostardew]

▽ Subway to Stardew - Adoptable Joltik ⚡️

This would play after Emmet's 8 heart event and getting Joltik up to 8 hearts as well.

I released a separate mod specifically for adopting Joltik, so you only need to get them up to 8 hearts to adopt them! You can do it right now!

Adoptable Joltik Mod Link: https://www.nexusmods.com/stardewvalley/mods/21002

And of course... Commentary under the read-more.

Joltik's adoption event sat in the drafts for quite a while. It took me whole a day to implement and I didn't let myself sleep until I finished everything. (It's 1 PM now...)

The event ended up wildly different because of how extra custom pets are implemented. You would think that they would be added in the same way as you get your cat/dog that you select during character creation. No. You have to buy a license. Only Marnie is authorized to sell them.

Here's the original script for Joltik's adoption event:

[Joltik Adoption Event]

Emmet: @! Joltik likes you verrrrry much. They want to stay with you. I'm letting you adopt them. Yup. I filled out all the paperwork. The Joltiks are legally documented now. 

I never gave ours a name... Galvantula wouldn't let me. She is verrrry picky about it. But that's okay. Joltik is yours. You should name them. She came along for approval. So. What name should I put on the adoption form?

[Name input box like Marnie's adoption thing...]

[Galvantula pauses for a moment to think and then offhandedly agrees.]

Emmet: Galvantula didn't shock me for that. That name is okay. Yup. I will file that with the Ferngill Republic. Don't worry about it. Make sure you take verrrry good care of our little Joltik!

[Joltik jumps and heart emotes]

◇──◆──◇──◆

The whole naming portion was a source of much more frustration than it should have been. In events, the name input box is brought up by the "catQuestion" command (which applies to dogs chosen at the start, too...

If you refuse, then Marnie also shows up no matter what you do. Farmhouse positions are also tricky and made even harder to find reference for after 1.6 added the farmhouse being moveable. Joltik kept spawning where Emmet was supposed to be so I had to use a move command just to get them to spawn one tile to the side. Galvantula was fine. I didn't get to updating her vanilla portraits yet so she's staying quiet.

The catQuestion command also only adds the pet you pick during character creation. There's no fields to target the usage. You have to buy a license. It's the only way to get another pet. I didn't want Joltik to replace a cat either since in-story you would have to earn the trust of both Emmet and Galvantula... There's no way you can do that by the first 25 days of spring. It's immersion breaking and you lose a cat.

I did find the license aspect funny though. It was oddly fitting for the mod's lore of Pokemon being pretty much banned from the region. Emmet is a threat to Stardew Valley's ecosystem. Not the best guy for the task of combating anti-Pokemon xenophobia.

Pet sizes are apparently hardcoded so I had to make a new spritesheet for Joltik as if they even need a 32 x 32 pixel area per frame. I did end up making new sprites for them while I was at it. I tried to base it off of the cat's behaviors so I have less animation fields to edit (I was tired). The cat loafs a lot. Trying to convey that in a tiny spider posed quite the challenge.

After everything was done, I figured that the whole adoption portion of the mod could easilly be taken apart to be its own mod as a demo of sorts for the expansion. So I went and made a content pack to post.

Bringing up your starter pet's friendship level takes quite some time, so it would be awkward if I let the event play with no preconditions. Because of that, I ended up including Joltik as an NPC and locking their adoption behind their heart level.

We actually only had two lines per day of the week (not including season) for daily dialogue. That shot up to six lines per day of the week for a full 0-2-4-6-8-10 in spring because I was determined to publish a mod. (I've been modding for nearly a year nonstop and I don't have anything playable... humiliating...)

Anyways! I hope you're all having fun with 1.6! It certainly brought new challenges and opportunities to the modding scene!

▷ Station Steward Thylak

[hockybish]

She's Done With Him

l hughes!sister au l lola hughes l masterlist l

Jack had been making more of a conscious effort to be better to Lola. He still hadn't said sorry for the years of teasing, he wouldn't even know where to begin.

But he was willing to put everything on the line with their relationship when he got a phone call from Mason about this guy named Robbie who Lola was seeing. He couldn't help it, the older protective brother came out when he heard that the douche bag was cheating on her.

"Now you're positive it was Robbie who you saw?" Jack confirmed with the Ducks' player over the phone. It was late in New Jersey and he was tired after a hard fought game.

"Yes, Jack. Even ask Z he was there too."

That was enough for him. Trying to keep his anger in check, he took the number from Mason, promising he would take care of the problem. He wasn't going to do much, maybe just give the kid a little call, and talk.

"Hi Robbie, this is Jack." He paused for a second, waiting for the man on the other end to acknowledge him, but he could heat the hesitancy when Robbie didn't answer "Hughes, Lola's older brother?"

"Oh, you're the one who hates her right?" Jack could feel him smirking through the phone, irking him even more.

"I don't hate her, you know what I don't have to explain myself to you. I know what you've been doing. The girls and the drinking? Especially when she was injured in December."

"I don't know what you're talking about. I haven't done anything wrong. I really like her." Robbie stuttered, a lame attempt at covering his tracks.

"Hm, yeah okay. Tell me was she just one of your side pieces?" Jack asked not believing a thing he was being told by this so called boyfriend. "That's what I thought."

"I didn't, I'm not"

"Break up with her"

"What"

"I said break up with her, or else"

"Or else what? There's nothing you can do to scare me"

"Robbie, there are at least four hockey teams plus countless others who will not hesitate to end you when they hear what you're doing. So break up with her or I'll let them know what you did" Jack threatened.

"You're bluffing"

"Try me. These guys can get really scary. And I'd hate for anything to happen to you."

A few days later Robbie did what Jack told him to do, he broke up with Lola. He didn't tell her why he was or that her brother was practically forcing him to. If he wanted to twist the knife even further, he could have said something. But she was already heartbroken and secretly Robbie was still a little worried Jack was going to send a goon after him.

Lola cried for a couple of days, this wasn't like when she had broken up with Matty, that was more of a mutual decision since they were going in opposite directions and they were better as friends. This break up took her by surprise, she thought they were in a good place, but apparently they weren't.

It hurt and she honestly kind of wanted Buggy her old stuffy from when she was younger. She really considered calling Jack and seeing if he still had it, but she thought better, knowing he probably would have made some snide remark about it, even though lately they had been doing better.

Lola called for an emergency sibling night with Quinn, which helped a lot, but she still swiped the bottle of tequila hidden away and found her way into her previous roommates bed.

After a week of moping around, she picked herself, brushed off the dirt and got back to her life. She worked harder in practice and even spent more time with her friends. Things were really looking up until late in the evening on February 29th.

The Ducks' had gotten in late that evening after playing in San Jose. Lola needed to make a quick run into the store to get something for Ellen that she had forget all the way back in Michigan.

Lola was only going to be a few minutes, but she spotted the one person she never really wanted to see again. She tried to ignore him the best she could, it was Robbie who walked up to her and was the one to start talking. They made pleasant small talk, but she had a nagging question she wanted to ask.

"Can I ask you something real quick? Why did you break up with me?"

"Oh Jack didn't tell you?" Robbie raised his eyebrows in feign shock. "Jack forced me to break up. He threatened that if I didn't, I was gonna get beat up."

Of course Jack had a hand it. Lola should have expected that. Jack ruins everything.

The ride back home was a little quieter. She had some things to think about before she saw her brother later that day.

After the game the Hughes clan were planning on getting dinner at a nice restaurant before Luke and Jack jetted off to the next destination. Lola was going to give them a ride. As soon as she saw Luke she gave him a hug and glared at the other one before making her move.

"What the fuck?" Jack's face stung as Lola's palm hit him on the cheek.

"You told him to break up with me? I how could you? I was happy. Why couldn't you let me be happy for once? You always mess everything up!"

"Clem you can be mad at me all you want, I was just trying to protect you."

"Don't you dare call me that. You don't have that right anymore. because I hate you. I hate you Jack." She spat in his direction.

After what seemed like years of her older brother hating her for apparent reason Lola had had enough of it and was completely done with Jack. Wanting nothing more to do with her older brother, this is when she decided to cut him out of her life, even if it meant she was going to have to cut Quinn and Luke out too.

"You don't mean that. Clem -" Jack knew he had taken it too far this time, but all he had been trying to do was protect his sister. And sometimes that made him the bad guy.

Lola gave him a look that ultimately broke his heart because he knew she meant it. She truly hated him, but he would rather her hate him, than see her with a broken heart over a guy who couldn't keep it in his pants.

"Lola. I'm sorry. Please take it back." Jack pleaded. He looked back at Luke and Quinn for help, but he was on his own with this.

"No, Jack. I mean it this time."

"Lola." She slapped him again and was getting ready to do it again. She wasn't one to hit or attack anyone, but tonight she couldn't help herself with her anger.

"Jack. I think you need to leave." Trevor pushed Lola behind him towards Jamie and Mason, putting himself in between the two siblings. Similarly Luke tried to grab ahold of jack's arm and pull him away.

The drive from the Honda Center to their shared home wasn't long, but playing a big game and the emotions from her argument took its toll and Lola fell asleep on the ride home. Mason didn't want to wake her, he opted to carry her in instead placing her in her bed and throwing her favorite blankets on top.

"Stay." Lola reached out, grabbing onto Mason's wrist, effectively stopping him in his tracks. "I don't want to be alone. Please Mason?"

The older boy obliged, he sighed crawling into the bed next to her. Lola flipped around to face him, she reached out for his face and ran her thumb across his face as they fell asleep.

[veeluvss]

i love you more, mama

TW: self harm, an attempt

emily x daughter!reader

i returned home from a case, dropping my go bag at the door and sighing heavily. my word i was tired. i walked through to the kitchen and noticed the mess. y/n hadn't done her chores again. i was hardly home but the only thing i asked her to do was make sure the house was clean and tidy. there was plates piled by the sink, pans and food. the food stunk and it was going off. why was she making food if she wasn't eating it? i groaned and headed up stairs, calling her name. her bedroom door was open and that was just as messy as the kitchen, i couldn't see her floor. all the clean washing i did last week was sprawled all over her bed. her desk was full of crisp packets and rubbish. i was appalled. "y/n!" i shouted again, getting more annoyed. i scanned the rooms, even checking my room. the sheets were crumpled, the bed unmade - like she'd been sleeping in mine. i could hear the tap in my en-suite too. "y/n," i called, going over and knocking on the door. i heard a gasp, a weak one but a gasp and i grew confused. what was going on? "you in there babe?" i asked, knocking. i could hear her whimpering, like she was trying to hide her crying. i tried the door but it was locked. "baby," i said, growing more panicked. i knocked more and a pain grew in my chest. something was wrong. i bashed at the door, putting my fbi field knowledge to use but i couldn't quite prepare myself for what i saw.

blood. the room was dark but i could smell the metallic hint in the air. "y/n," i whispered. i turned on the light and the sight in the bath shocked me even more. she was slumped over, head against the side of the wall, legs cut open. i couldn't even form any words. my baby. her eyes were fluttering and she tilted her head back to look at me. seeing the single tear fall from her tired eyes made me break. i quickly scrambled into the bath behind her, taking my phone out my pocket. "come on baby," i whispered, cradling her. "stay with me. keep them eyes open for mama." i rang an ambulance.

the sound of the heart beat monitor was draining me. i couldn't listen to the noise any longer. i took once glance at my daughter laying almost lifeless in the hospital bed and went to throw up. i couldn't help but feel like i'd failed as a mother. the team had been calling me, texting me. the lot. i couldn't bare to answer. i was ashamed. how did i not see her get this bad? i knew she had issues, i adopted her from an abusive situation but - but this?

once i'd washed my mouth out and wiped the tears from my cheeks i headed back into the ward. however, the blonde hair made me pause. "JJ," i muttered. she was staring at y/n, not moving, seeing the bandages all across her legs and scars on her arms. "she?" she choked out, turning around to me. i just took her into my arms. we both needed the hug.

"how did you find me?" "garcia, she tracked your phone when you weren't answering. an fbi badge gets you through all sorts of security," she chuckled. i smiled softly. "why didn't you call us? at least text? we could have helped." i shrugged. "i just, i feel like it's my fault." i was honest. i wasn't used to opening up, especially about parenting but with JJ, the mother of the group, and my best friend, it seemed right. "because you weren't there for her?" she asked. she reached her hand over and took hold of my hand. i could only nod, looking over at my baby. lying there, her chest going up and down, up and down. "when roslyn died, i blamed myself for so long." she said. "i thought i had this obligation to look out for her because we were sisters but as i grew up, i realised the pain she felt. i understood that she didn't tell me because she didn't want to hurt me." i took a deep breath. "as well, she saw me as an escape. spending time with me was her way out of it all, it was all nice and quiet when she had me there. she couldn't ruin that by telling me what was going on." i nodded, understanding. "you we're her escape em, she didn't want to ruin that beautiful relationship." "she died." i told her. "but she's here now. thanks to you."

after some time, garcia called JJ but i told her not to tell them the truth. not only was i still ashamed of myself, i didn't want her pain and suffering to be shared everywhere. JJ agreed to go work on a case, telling the team y/n was just poorly and she'll be okay soon. which she was. not a complete lie. "text me, please. if you need anything." JJ whispered, grabbing hold on my shoulders. i nodded and blinked back tears, i wasn't quite ready for her to go yet. "can you erm," i muttered. "can you send someone to go clean the house?" i asked timidly. "the bathroom- it's..." "i'll get it sorted. don't worry," she whispered. she leaned in and kissed my cheek. she then leaned down to y/n and kissed hers, stroking her hair and leaving a lingering gentle touch.

a few hours of silence later, i felt her twitch in my arms. i'd managed to slide in beside her in the bed, cuddling into her side and holding her close, yet so gently. i sat up, just in time to see her flicking her eyes open. she looked at me for a second then around at the room before closing her eyes tight. "i didn't work," she muttered, more to herself. i felt my heart break then. "thank you." she said afterwards. i looked at her in shock, she thanked me? i couldn't say anything, i just felt overwhelmed with relief and love. i lay down beside her and held her close to me, a little tighter this time. "i love you." i told her honestly. "i love you more mama."

[jinlias]

a/n: how could i post a month of blurbs and no angst? sike u thought bitch.

you can tell the exact moment she breaks. you’ve been trying to tell her you’ve noticed it all, but you always missed her.

“hey, wheres mina?” the last group arrives at the dorm, but instead of four, it’s only sana, jihyo and momo.

“practicing” momo responds absentmindedly, her mind completely on the cold noodles they picked up on the way.

“again?” jihyo shares your concern, both your eyes speaking for themselves. she almost stops eating to come with you, but you reassure her it’s better you go alone.

if this wasn’t your partner’s breaking point, it was yours.

you couldn’t believe you were, but in your head, silently, you were weighing out whether this or her anxiety break had been worse.

from a while back, you noticed mina had been spending way too much time practicing than normal, dancing, singing, all of the above. for some reason, her diet was much stricter than yours or the others and her scheduled was way more packed all of the sudden.

come to think of it, you never heard her say no anymore.

“mina, elle wants you for their july-“ “yes”

“after the shoot, do you think you can take a couple of picture at the grand opening-“ “sure”

“do you have any free time slots tomorrow” “i’ll make the time”

but she wasn’t enthusiastic about it either. and trust, the sex was there and so were the loving kisses and whispers, it’s just, her eyes, mina isn’t there anymore.

“okay. i hear you” jihyo rubbed your back up and down as she listened the first time. you felt so bad you had woken her up in the middle of the night to complain, but more than your leader she was your best friend, if anything she could possibly get through mina. “not me, i can try, but there’s no way she’ll hear me out before you”

“she’s killing herself” jihyo wipes your tears and takes a deep breath to hold some of her own.

“i know it’s hard to think about but y/n- i need you to break her-” the entire time the words came from her mouth, she can see the denial in your eyes and how the pout on your lips deepened.

that was then, now, you’re angry.

“oh, this again. awesome, i’m kind of rusty myself” you drop your gym bag on the floor and begin to tie your hair as you get in position.

you can’t lie and say you willingly got out of bed at almost ten at night to practice. you willingly got out of bed this late because of her. one more night feeling the bed deepen with her body at some much late hour than you tried going to sleep was going to drive you off a cliff.

“y/n? what are you doing here baby?” your eyes press shut and you turn your head to the side when she pauses the music, arms crossed as a tactic to not let her in this time.

“what are you doing here mina?” you never did what jihyo asked, it hurt you to hurt her, but now you had to, because you love her, and you want her to love herself again too.

“i’m.. rehearsing” she replies as if it were obvious.

“i can see that, but why? do you know what time it is?”

“no?”

“it’s late, if we don’t go home we’re going to have trouble waking up tomorrow” her chest stings at all the ‘we’s, and you can see her now usual facade start to lessen. she’s heard you before, she just never listened.

“go home. i’ll be there soon” she tries to shake all the red blaring sirens telling her she’s tired, that you’re right and that she should go home with you, try to sleep more than four hours tonight.

“i’m not going anywhere without you mina” your hands fall at your sides and you begin to walk towards her, stopping only a couple of steps apart. “you can’t tell me you don’t know what you’re doing”

“i’m just practicing babe, i’ll be there soon. i promise”

“you’ve broken a lot of promises lately, you know that right?” you watch her swallow, turn around to fidget with something at the radio station instead of looking at you. “if you know exactly what i’m talking about, why tip toe?”

“i don’t know y/n” her voice raises higher than the usual whisper, and you don’t know whether to be upset at her or put yourself in her shoes. “it’s working. i’ll be home soon”

“what’s working?”

“i said-“

“yeah, you said you’ll be home soon. but you’ve told me that the last three nights and it wasn’t true. what’s working?”

“y/n- i-“

“mina, this is not working. nothing is working. im worried about you all the time and you’re not even letting me in. either we go home and talk about proper help or i’ll be joining you.”

“baby. it doesn’t work like that” she’s scared, you can see that much now, she’s finally allowing herself to feel rather than bottle it up and swallow it down with her usual work ethic.

“all these late practices, the crazy diets. cramped schedule? count me in, i’ll do it all if that’s what it takes for you to stop” she looks like she’s been caught, biting her lips and looking down in shame. and you let yourself calm down, soften even as you walk towards her, closer until you’re asking for her hands. “i’m worried mina. let me help you”

“you don’t understand” a single tear falls on your hands, now clasped together with hers as she stares at them.

“then tell me. i’ll listen. if you’re scared, i’m here. mina. i love you, i’m done letting you go through this alone” you squeeze her hands, hoping for some sort of emotion, thankfully she squeezes yours back.

“i don’t want the girls to know” she sniffles, watching you nod and swallow a lump in your throat, hoping no tears came out, because you’ve cried enough. you needed to be there like mina had been for you when you needed, loving you through all your hardships.

[shadowdaddies]

The Protector

for @nestaarcheronweek day four: “Lover.” While I may officially ship Nessian, I love Gwyn and Nesta’s relationship in the books - how protective Nesta is of Gwyn, how understanding Gwyn is of Nesta - so I wanted to write something for the two of them as mates.🩶

Silver slippers tapped lightly against the wooden floors as Nesta wove through the endless shelves of the House of Wind’s library. 

Tugging her bottom lip between her teeth, the Valkyrie bit back her smile at the sound of her mate’s soft singing that echoed through rows of literature, a siren’s song beckoning her nearer.

Heart leaping in her chest at the scent of lilies and fresh spring water, Nesta poked her head around the shelf to see Gwyn struggling under a pile of books. Her eyes were tired, the usually striking teal dulled with exhaustion as her arms strained with the load.

A protective instinct immediately took over Nesta’s senses as she rushed forward to take the load from Gwyn’s hands. The priestess offered a weak smile, shoulders slumped as she exhaled a quiet thank you.

Nesta could feel the wariness, the frustration her mate was feeling through the bond. Hands clenched the stack of books, knuckles white before taking a calming exhale and finding a pedestal to leave the books on. 

Gwyn’s eyes widened at the tomes’ misplacement, ready to argue as she moved towards them, but Nesta’s hand caught her arm. Silver eyes locked with teal, seeking each other for words unspoken before Nesta pulled Gwyn into a hug.

Delicate arms wound around her waist, Nesta’s fingers threading through Gwyn’s soft red hair, eyes squeezed shut as she focused on the feeling of her mate in her arms. 

“You need a break, Gwyn,” Nesta murmured, turning her face to press a soft kiss against a freckled cheek. 

Gwyn sniffled, chest puffing out as though the frustration was about to physically break from her. “But Merrill told me-“

“I’ve spoken to Merrill,” Nesta interrupted, prompting Gwyn to pull away slightly, brow arched in silent question. A wicked gleam shone in Nesta’s eyes, lips curving into a wolfish grin. 

“We have come to an agreement that you will be given more hours off each week, starting now. You are mine for the evening,” she purred, flashing a mischievous smile that melted Gwyn’s stiff muscles, body relaxing for the first time in too long.

“We have the day to ourselves?” Gwyn asked, sending a spark of pleasure through Nesta as her eyes turned bright and hopeful once more. 

Nodding, Nesta ran her hands down Gwyn’s sides, thumbs rubbing her hips gently as she watched in admiration. “I thought that for once, you could take a break from caring for others, and let me care for you. I have an evening planned for us, if you are up for it.”

Relief washed over Nesta as her mate smiled, practically bouncing on her heels. Nesta felt the tug on her own hair, woven through her coronet braid, as she was pulled in for a slow, passionate kiss. “What did you have in mind?” Gwyn breathed, cheeks flushed when she pulled away.

“I thought...” Nesta purred, winding an arm around Gwyn’s waist to lead her back through the rows of books towards the door, “that we could take the pegasus, visit that pool with the spring you like. I packed a picnic for dinner, as well.”

Gwyn’s eyes welled with tears, her body curling closer into Nesta’s as her arms wound around her mate’s waist. “You did all of this for me?”

Nesta laughed softly, rolling her eyes at the absurdity of the question. She stopped Gwyn in the hallway for a moment, eyes alight with passion as she swiped a stray tear from the priestess’s cheek. 

“You have made me not only happier than I have ever been, but the best version of myself. You deserve all of this, and so much more, Gwyn. You have been there for me in my darkest times. Let me be here for you.”

Gwyn’s face broke out into a blinding smile, joy emanating from both Valkyries when she whispered a soft, “I love you,” pressing a chaste kiss to Nesta’s lips before pulling her out towards where the pegasus was kept.

“I love you too. Always,” Nesta smiled back, strapping the picnic basket to the back of the saddle. “Let’s go.”

[vex91]

Treat you better

Chapter 1: Neighbor

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

3rd's POV

"CEO of one of the most well known companies in Seoul, Nicha Yontararak just announced that she's planning to expand her-"

You turned off the TV playing in the background the moment you heard that familiar name. You spend the last years trying to forget about her and move on from the past feelings you shared, you weren't going to waste it. Coming back home to Seoul was risky but you prided the progress you made in moving on so you tried to not worry about her and the fact that her face was all over the city.

"Y/N come here" You heard your best friend's Shuhua's voice calling for you, she was looking out the window and from her smirk you felt like it wasn't gonna be something you needed but you still complied "What is it Shu?" Just as you walked over she pulled you by your arm to the window "Look at your neighbor. She's totally hot" You looked out to see a woman parking her motorcycle in her garage. You had to agree with Shuhua, she was really good looking but you weren't looking for any kinds of relationship with anyone at the moment. First you had to focus on finding a more stable job than the one your best friend found you.

"You can totally go for her" You said as you went back to the living room to continue unpacking, Shuhua joined you "Oh come on Y/N, you know I'm talking about you. When was the last time you went on a date huh?" You rolled your eyes at that "I don't need any dates with anyone. I just want to focus on getting stabilized here" Your best friend never understood your non dating life for the past years. In her eyes you shouldn't give up on love just because of one heartbreak but to be fair she never knew exact details about your break up with Minnie.

The two of you bickered for the next few minutes until a knock at the door interrupted you. Shuhua looked at you, pushing you with her eyes to open the door which you reluctantly did. On the other side was the woman that Shuhua made you see from the window just this time she was changed in more comfortable clothes. You hated to admit it but she was even more stunning up close. You coughed awkwardly when you noticed that you were just staring at her without saying anything, she chuckled at that "I'm sorry to bother. I just noticed that you were moving in and thought I introduced myself since we're neighbors" She pointed at the house behind her.

"O-Oh yeah. I'm Y/N, nice to meet you" You offered her a hand to shake which she did "I'm Yuqi. Nice to meet you too, if anyone here gives you problems then come to me" She pointed at herself confidently "I sure will" You laughed. It seemed like she was about to say something else until she noticed Shuhua in the background "Well I won't bother you longer. See you around cutie" She winked and left in the direction of her house leaving me standing there flustered.

"Oh she's totally into you"

"Shuhua I swear to god if-"

Later that night you had to physically kick Shuhua out of your after she couldn't stop talking about how you should try hooking up with Yuqi. She had good intentions but definitely not in the right moment.

As you were resting on the couch watching TV, from the window you noticed Yuqi leaving her house. You let yourself observe her for a bit before hitting yourself in the head a few times. You hated how your mind kept coming back to her just from that one encounter you had with her. You really didn't want any kinds of relationships at the moment but maybe deep down you wanted one with Yuqi? You didn't know.

You closed your eyes for a second to rest them a bit.

"Why can't you just understand how important this company is for me?"

"Well it's not my fault that you always need my attention. It's fucking tiring"

"My company is more important Y/N, you know that"

Your eyes immediately opened. You looked at the time.

2:24 AM

"Great" You mumbled as you stood up and dragged yourself to your bedroom. You layed down in bed and looked up at the ceiling.

The memories of you and Minnie were still fresh in your mind despite them happening years ago. Maybe you didn't fully moved on yet but either way, you had to. There was no going back to her and you should accept that.

For Minnie the company is the only thing that matters.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Summary: Y/N and Minnie were a couple ever since College but when Minnie started working on building her company she became distant with Y/N which resulted in them breaking up. Y/N left Korea for a while but after coming back she met her new neighbor, Song Yuqi who clearly got interested in her. What will happen to Y/N when her ex-girlfriend comes back to the picture?

Masterlist / Next

Taglist: @jisooftme @jeindall777 @qfyensbgl @keervah @gayforalll @imthisclosetokms @bdscsjhb @lovepjohootoa

[ackermonie]

hiding away

request by @luna0713hunter : If…its not too much, may i request a gojo x female reader, where reader is dealing with some huge matters in her life and keeps on a strong face but one day when she's alone she breaks down and gojo finds her? something hurt/comfort,soft and sweet?

(The reader is one year younger than "toru and is a grade one sorcerer.)

Im sorry for the trouble,but im facing some major problems rn and i could use some comfort?

a/n: i hope im not too late, and i hope you’re doing better!! i’m actually going through a rough patch myself so writing this was comforting, so i hope it does the same for you!! i hope i did your request justice<3

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••

you’re strong. everyone knows so, you’ve proved so many, many times before, so it wasn’t unusual for the people around you to watch you maintain your position and keep a straight face when they know well just how much you’re enduring.

they must’ve either gotten used to it, or just plain got tired of trying to ask you if you need to talk or let something out, and you’re fine with that. in fact, that’s the whole damn point.

pressure eventually suffocates you more. you see your work eventually go south despite your constant attempts, and the higher ups only have you to blame.

and as much of a grade 1 sorcerer, you’re still human.

this was a test for your new breaking point. you were waiting, feeling the weight on your chest get heavier until you eventually have to explode, and you were oh so glad it happened when you were alone.

or thought you were alone, at least.

but it was dawn. you just received a couple of videos of a curse scene, blood everywhere, and the taunting, fresh crimson paints your failure in the cement.

you’re sat on your awfully empty bed, not bothering to reach for gojo’s side because you know you’ll be landing on nothing.

he’s been away for almost a week, held up somewhere in another continent, ripping you away from the only source of comfort you have.

you lock your phone, dropping it somewhere to your right, and your hands climb up to your face. you try your best to keep it in, to convince yourself that no, this can’t be where you break, but your brain spirals out of control.

and you can’t take it anymore. you just can’t. your body physically grows more shaky the more you keep your emotions locked in. you hide your face away from the emptiness around you, feeling the glass finally begin to crack, then it shatters all together.

once the first sob is out of your mouth, you can’t stop what follows. you bend down, silent tears involuntarily escaping past very heavy eyelids.

you think you’re finally at the point of hallucination when you feel the bed dip from your right. it wasn’t long after that a hand lands on your back while another tries to sit you up properly, and you, realizing that this touch is too vivid and familiar to be imagined, attempt to turn your face away. 

“no, baby,” you hear him say. “don’t hide from me.”

you shake your head, a sad whimper accidentally escaping your throat, and you try to push away from him.

he can’t see you like this. you can’t be like this.

“it’s just me,” he holds your hands down skillfully and moves you further towards him. “it’s only me, sweets. don’t hide from me.”

“i-i can’t!”

he tries to pull your face towards him, and you notice that his blindfold is off. you can’t help but gravitate towards the free sea within, helplessly letting him look deep within your soul as he asks.

“can’t what?” a thumb swipes at a soaked cheek. “talk to me.”

“i can’t…” you trail off, head shaking frantically as if to shake the emotions away. “i can’t do this anymore!”

“i know,” he nods, and your fingers wrinkle the material of his shirt. “keep talking.”

“i keep fuh-fucking trying, satoru,” you hiccup, eyes frantic, wide, exploding. “i keep trying over and over and fucking over again and it’s always fruitless. i end up getting blamed. i always end up-“

you stare at him, sadness and disappointment consuming you to the core as you spell the next words out loud.

you attempt a mocking shrug. “i always end up a failure.”

satoru’s lips turn downwards in some unexplainable emotion. “we both know this isn’t true.”

you shake your head, weak limbs once more attempting to pull away from the strongest arms, but they don’t budge.

“don’t turn away from me,” he says, but the softness of his voice makes more tears pool out of your tired eyes. “let yourself cry, y/n. at least allow yourself this.”

“i-i can’t, ‘toru,” you whimper. “i can’t just—“

“you can. you already are, and i’m right here. you can be as vulnerable as you want to be.” he nods when your features break once more, one heavy, massive sob breaking out of your chest. “i’ll always find you when you need me.”

he pulls your hands together at his nape, hands trailing from their and down to your waist where he pulls you on his lap, and that was your cue to loose the remaining of your composure.

he leans his back against the headrest. a hand is massaging your scalp while the other rubs up and down your back, and you let yourself cry in your lover’s arms.

“always, baby. always.”

[mysterious-moonstruck-musings]

Destiny & Deliverance: Chapter 21

Destiny & Deliverance Masterlist ||| Dieter Bravo X OFC Some Smut & Language- Minors DNI New as of 9/21/2023

SUPPORT YOUR CREATORS. REBLOGGING & COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED.

Series Rating: Explicit (18+)

Series Summary: Natalia Cohen is experiencing major life changes, beginning with leaving an emotionally abusive husband. She is learning how to navigate life on her own while dealing with high functioning anxiety, depression, and mild PTSD. Everything is looking up for her. She is a highly respected consultant for a major LA firm, has her best friend, Lauren, by her side, and is on her path to healing. Everything changes when she meets a handsome and broken stranger on a work trip. He turns out to be a well-known actor, with a heart-breaking past. They quickly develop a connection that will forever alter their lives. 

Warnings: Themes dealing with mental health, emotional trauma, alcohol use, and discussions about suicide. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn type of story. Read at your own risk.

Chapter Quote: "Dieter. Don’t do this…please."

A/N: Chapter 21 is finally here! It's a beast coming in at 9k words. I have to give a massive thank you to @for-a-longlongtime for taking on the challenge of cleaning this mess up. Make sure you thank her for it! She worked some serious magic on it for me. Just a fair warning, this takes a super angsty turn. Get your cozy blanket and chocolate ready, because you might need it.

I was not prepared for how hard Dieter's absence would hit me once he had left to film in Canada. Spending time alone had never bothered me at any point in my life; but now without him, it felt like a piece of me was missing. I did my best to keep busy. When I wasn't working remotely, I continued the home improvement project at Dieter’s house or worked on various projects in my craft room. 

Aside from two incidents, I had managed to avoid the lurking paparazzi. There were a few photos that had been snapped from a distance while I was out running errands that popped up on some fan pages; it was annoying, but the best way to handle it was to take it in stride and just remind myself that people were always watching. Luckily, no one had approached me directly; the public knowledge that Dieter was currently on set in Canada probably took a lot of the heat off me.

Fortunately, I had people in my life to help me cope with Dieter's absence. I spent several evenings with Lauren, catching up on gossip as we watched movies. The shop had been keeping her busy due to an employee shortage, and she was also exploring options to expand into the vacant unit next door. While I could see how that took up a lot of her time, I couldn't shake the feeling that she was holding things back from me. But whenever I asked her about it, she would wave it off and say everything was fine, as her phone continued to beep with a steady stream of text messages.

Gabby must have noticed that I had been feeling lonely, as she made a point to extend a longstanding dinner invitation at her house. While I enjoyed spending time with her and went to see her often, it didn’t do anything to dampen my feeling of loneliness. No one could fill that void except for her brother.

Communicating with Dieter brought on a new set of frustrations that I hadn’t expected. The remote location turned out to have a lot of signal issues, so it was hard for us to connect by texts or calls as often as either of us would have liked. I could tell that he tried to stay positive, but during the times that we were able to Facetime it struck me how tired he looked and sounded. Things were slowly wearing him down.

Two weeks into filming, during one of our few facetime calls, Dieter admitted that he had been feeling a little down and wasn’t getting enough sleep. The side effects of the medication had lessened, but so far it didn’t seem to offer him any relief from the issues that he struggled with. A local provider that he was referred to suggested that he start taking antidepressants. When he told me, I noticed how distant his eyes seemed as he spoke. “It’s fine. I’ll take them”, he said after a beat, his fingers absentmindedly tugging at the label on the bright orange container with pills. “I’m just dreading more side effects.” He had been unusually quiet during our call that evening. I could see weariness sunk into the lines on his face and couldn’t help the gnawing feeling that things were not all that fine.

The last few days before I was scheduled to fly out to Alberta passed by painfully slow. It made me restless, and I couldn't focus my energy on anything but the trip. I lost count of how many times I went through my packing list. Dieter seemed to be feeling the same way, sounding giddy during the times we were able to catch up over the phone. He had made sure to arrange a car that would pick me up at the airport. So, when I finally I landed at Edmonton International after a three-hour flight, I was relieved that I didn’t have to deal with the anxiety of transportation to get to the set.

As we drove several hours to get to the filming location, I saw the landscape changing from city views to remote swatches of land. Lush forests and more than a few wild animals caught my attention. With so few people, stores, and even power lines around, it wasn’t surprising that there had been such problems with getting a cell signal.

By the time I made it to their filming location, my back was absolutely killing me. I was happy to be climbing out of the vehicle. I was in the midst of stretching when Rylee came jogging over. Her hair was now black mixed with a deep purple color, which threw me for a minute. She gave me a wave and wide smile as she approached.

“He’s gonna be so fucking happy you’re finally here,” she announced as she pulled me in for a quick hug. “Actually, I’m fucking happy you’re here because I’m tired of his whining.”

I gave her a chuckle in response.

“What do I need to do with my bags?”

“We can put them in his trailer for now. Come on, I’ll help.”

As small as the trailers looked from the outside, I wasn’t expecting much. But I had to admit, I was pleasantly surprised. It was like a mini home on wheels.

“So, is he the only one who uses this trailer?” I asked as I looked around on the inside. The bed toward the back had caught my eye, because of course that’s where my mind immediately went to. Rylee gave me a knowing smile.

“I mean, do I need to put my bags out of the way or anything? I don’t wanna take up someone else’s space.”

I tried to recover. I’m not sure she bought it. I could feel my cheeks burning.

“He’s one of the stars of the show. So, yes, he’s the only one who should be in here aside from you or I, unless invited.”

I nodded, still trying to play it cool.

“Don’t worry, I’ll knock before I come in,” she added with a wink.

“No, no, that’s…that’s not why I was asking.” I shook my head as I spoke, feeling even more embarrassed.

“Don’t play coy, I’m not dumb.” A wide teasing grin spread across her face.

“Ok, ANYWAY, what now?” I interjected, trying to change the subject. That caused her to laugh harder. Once her laughs subsided to a manageable level, she responded.

“Now we go find your man and surprise him. I haven’t told him you’re here yet. He’s filming right now. They should be wrapping for a break soon.” 

I followed Rylee down a long trail into a wooded area. We ended up near a large opening next to the river. I could see a lot of commotion up ahead where they were filming on the edge of the riverbank. We got close enough to watch, but far enough out of the way that I couldn’t be spotted. I didn’t want my sudden appearance to throw Dieter off.

They were filming a scene that included a heated exchange between several of the characters. It was amazing to watch him work. To see him turn the character on and off between takes was interesting. He could go from joking around and laughing to angry within seconds. I didn’t understand how he could do it so convincingly. On their third try, I noticed Dieter’s face shifted slightly mid-way through as one of the other male actors was speaking. It was an actual look of annoyance. He turned looking towards the director while everyone else looked confused. Someone called cut from the group behind the camera. Dieter looked back over at the other male actor, clearly frustrated.

“Can’t you just stick to the damn script? They told you to cut that shit out,” he said loudly to the other male actor.

It sounded like the guy responded with a comment about the lines feeling out of character. I couldn’t fully hear him since his back was facing our direction.

“If you have a problem with it, discuss it with the boss and the writers before we film. You're holding everyone up here.”

It looked like the guy may have flipped Dieter the bird, and I don’t think he meant it in the joking with your friends kind of way. Rylee looked at me and rolled her eyes, “That’s Tom. That guy has been a total douche. He thinks he’s more important than he actually is. He’s driving Dieter crazy with this stuff.”

“Yeah, he looks like a douche. Is Dieter always that direct with people?” I hadn’t noticed this before, but then again, I hadn’t been around him when he was working.

Rylee shook her head. “Can’t say I’ve witnessed it before, though I don’t blame him in this instance.” She hesitated for a moment. “He hasn’t been in the best mood though.”

We watched as they shot three more takes before a dinner break was announced. Everyone started to clear out of the area, except for one of the female actresses who approached Dieter. She was a petite brunette, and clearly attractive. She reached out to touch his upper arm as she spoke, obviously flirting with him. I couldn’t hear what she said, but Dieter looked at her with annoyance as he pulled his arm away and walked off. She didn’t look happy about his response, giving him a slight glare as she walked away with a huff.

I knitted my brows together over their exchange. Rylee noticed my expression.

“That’s been a whole thing. Chloe just won’t take a hint. Don’t worry, he’s been nothing but a dick to her.”

I laughed, “Well, maybe she’ll take the hint now that I’m here.”

I watched as Dieter wandered over to the edge of the riverbank, looking frustrated with his phone in hand. He seemed to be talking to himself, occasionally walking a few steps one way or the other with the device up in the air, like he was looking for a better signal. Rylee bumped her shoulder against mine.

“What are you waiting for? Go get your man before he loses his damn mind again over his phone not working.”

I chuckled before walking off in his direction, approaching him from behind. I could hear him muttering about his phone being a “piece of shit” as he tapped on the screen harder than necessary.

“What did that phone ever do to you?”

“It doesn’t fucking work half the time,” he replied curtly, his head bowed down as he continued to fiddle with the object of his frustration. A beat later, his fiddling paused as he raised his head, quickly turning toward me.

The instant his eyes locked with mine, he was moving, taking quick long strides over to me as the relief swept over his face. Before I knew it, he had wrapped his arms tightly around my waist and lifted me, spinning in a circle as he pressed his lips into mine with urgency. “Hi.” His voice croaked, somewhere between a gasp and a moan. I hugged him back around his neck as I returned the kiss with just as much enthusiasm. He lowered me to the ground, our embrace continuing with kisses between whispers of how much we had missed each other.

He pulled back, looking over my face as he reached to run his fingers through my hair. A small smile tugging at his lips.

My thumb traced the faint darkness under his eyes. I could see it even under all the makeup and dirt. My chest tightened at the thought of him not being able to sleep. I really hoped he wasn’t still having bad dreams, but I didn’t think he would tell me if he was.

We were brought back to reality when a few of the remaining crew members and Rylee started whopping and whistling at us, someone even yelling at us to get a room. We both burst out laughing but were also slightly embarrassed. I could already tell that being on the film set with Dieter was going to be an interesting experience.

He leaned into my ear, “How about we go somewhere a little more private?”

I nodded with a mischievous smile in return. We made a beeline for his trailer. Several people attempted to get his attention as he passed by, but he was having none of it. He waved them off and kept going, gently pulling me along as he held my hand.

We had barely made it into his trailer before he was kissing me and reaching for my belt buckle. I had to make him stop to shut the door properly behind him. It bounced back open twice before he finally gave it a couple of good tugs to fully latch it. He cursed at it under his breath while I laughed at him.

We undressed each other in record time before falling onto the bed in a mess of tangled limbs. Dieter settled in between my thighs as he reached down to rub between my folds. I grabbed his hand, stopping him as I shook my head.

“No, I need you now.”

He gave me a cocky grin as he moved to line himself up at my entrance. “As you wish.” He rested his forehead against mine as he entered slowly, giving me the opportunity to adjust to his size. Once he was in all the way, his movement briefly stilled, and a small whimper escaped his lips.

“I’ve missed you so fucking much, missed this, missed us.”

He kissed me deeply, his tongue tangling with mine as he started his movements again. His pace quickened, turning the sweet moment into one of raw need. Our sweaty bodies slid against each other as our movements became more frantic. We held on to each other tightly as his thrusts grew harder. We heard voices outside of the trailer, which briefly pulled our attention away from our activities. Dieter shook his head as if to dismiss it, then buried his face into my neck, muffling the noises he was making as he briefly covered my mouth with his hand to quieten the sounds still escaping my lips. I pulled his hand away and wrapped my legs around him as he resumed his quick, plunging movements. I could feel the tension building before coming undone around him. It took everything in me to stay quiet as I felt the rush of tingling electricity throughout my body. His thrusts grew more erratic as he felt me tighten around him. He soon spilled into me as he was rocked with his own orgasm. 

He collapsed beside me, trying to catch his breath. I rolled over and cuddled into his side as he wrapped his arms around me and buried his face into my hair. We sat in silence. Within minutes, his breathing started to deepen as he fell asleep. I didn’t dare move. I didn’t want to wake him.

Thirty minutes or so passed when I heard crackling over a radio from somewhere in the trailer giving a twenty-minute warning for filming to resume. The sound didn’t disturb Dieter in the slightest. He was out cold. I hated to wake him, but knew I needed to. It took several shakes, but he finally woke up grumbling as he hugged me tighter. He finally rolled out of bed, and I followed. We quickly got dressed and attempted to make ourselves presentable.

“You look like a hot fucking mess,” I said as I eyed the smeared makeup on his face. It looked more like he had smeared and streaked the dirt on his face with his fingers rather than just being naturally dirty. He looked in the mirror and sighed.

“Oh well. Shit happens,” he shrugged before pulling me in for another kiss. A ten-minute warning crackled on the radio, followed by a knock on the door. Dieter moved to open it, allowing Rylee inside. She entered, then stopped, looking us both over with a smirk on her face.

She started laughing and shaking her head as she looked at Dieter more closely. She turned to me, “I think you may be hair and makeup’s worst nightmare.”

We all shook with laughter at her remark. There was no hiding it at this point, might as well laugh about it. Once we contained ourselves, Rylee held out a small bag.

“I figured you wouldn’t make it over to eat, so I grabbed some food for you. Dieter, walk and eat please. We gotta go.” 

We thanked her as we headed out the door with sandwiches and drinks in hand. 

Rylee was right, Dieter was swarmed by hair and makeup as soon as he got back to the filming location, and they were giving him a hard time about it. I made a mental note to avoid his face and hair in the future, or at least try to.

Filming went well into the early morning hours. I spent most of my time either watching them film or with Rylee showing me around. Once they wrapped for the night, we briefly stopped in at Dieter’s trailer to grab my bags, then a car took us to the secluded resort about thirty minutes away where the cast and crew were staying. We showered to rid ourselves of the outdoors which led to our second and third rounds of sex before crashing. Dieter didn’t seem to have any trouble falling asleep that night as our naked bodies lay tangled under the fluffy down duvet.

The 7AM alarm came early when you only managed to get about four hours sleep. We spent a few minutes in bed, just enjoying each other’s company and showering each other in affection. That was soon interrupted by Reylee’s call to make sure Dieter was awake and not “dicking around” because our car would be there soon. She held nothing back. Her filter worked about as good as mine.

We had to scramble to get ready to leave but managed to make it on time. Rylee met us in the lobby with coffee and muffins, which I was thankful for. Dieter’s muffin set untouched during the ride as he looked over his script. Rylee reminded him at least three times to eat. I eventually grabbed the muffin and shoved it into his mouth, which took him off guard.

“Well, that’s one way to do it!” Rylee said as we both snorted through laughter. Dieter didn’t seem to find it as funny. He looked slightly annoyed but took it from me and ate while he continued to look over his script.

Once we arrived, he immediately went off to hair and makeup. I wandered around to find a decent cell signal so I could use my mobile hotspot to get a little bit of work done. I found a nice spot at the top of a hill where I had a view of everyone at work filming. The cell signal would come and go, and I could now understand Dieter’s earlier frustrations. It seemed the remote area we were in was in the middle of a dead zone.

During the lunch break, I sat with Rylee as Dieter spoke with the director and producer about some scenes they would be filming soon. He was in pure chaos mode, a bundle of hyped-up energy, talking a mile-a-minute about an idea he had.

“He seems to be in better spirits now that you’re here,” Rylee said to me as I watched him gesture wildly with his arms.

“He actually got some sleep last night; I think that’s helped.”

“Yeah, and got rid of some of that pent up tension too, I’m sure.”

Rylee smirked as she took a sip of her water. I raised an eyebrow as it took me a minute to realize what she was referencing. Once I caught on, I rolled my eyes at her.

“You’re incorrigible. You know that? I think your filter might be more broken than mine.”

She beamed, clearly proud of herself. She glanced down at her watch, checking the time. The break was almost over, and he was still talking while everyone else around him finished up lunch.

“I swear, if he doesn’t start eating, I’m gonna choke him. I’ll be right back.”

I watched as Rylee went over to grab a plate of food and deposited it in his hands, giving him a chastising look as he took it from her. It didn’t faze him, he held it as he continued to talk.

She came to sit back down beside me.

“Has that been an issue with him, not eating?”

“Oh yeah, he gets wrapped up in the ‘creative process’ and forgets to eat.”

“Has that always been a thing?”

“Yes and no. He seems a little worse than normal this time around. I just figured he was trying to keep himself busy, so he doesn’t think about being away from you.” 

I gave her a small smile but didn’t say anything. It bothered me that he was skipping meals because I knew how much that man loved food.

“He’s been fine otherwise though…right?”

I’m sure she could see the concern etched on my face.

“Yeah, I mean, I know he hasn’t been sleeping well, which isn’t really new. He’s been a little moody, but otherwise ok.”

I felt bad for even asking, but I had a feeling he wasn’t going to be completely honest with me if he was having a hard time.

Dieter finally ended his conversation and came over to straddle the bench seat facing me on my right side as he set his food down on the table. His left hand immediately came up to rest in my hair at the base of my neck to pull me in for a quick kiss. Rylee again reminded him to eat because he only had fifteen minutes left. He rolled his eyes and stuffed half a sandwich in his mouth with his right hand, giving her a sarcastic look. I leaned my head over onto his left shoulder while he continued to run his fingers through my hair. He carried on eating with his other hand, occasionally speaking to Rylee between bites. For the first time that morning, his chaotic energy finally seemed to ease down slightly.   

I was able to spend more time with Dieter that afternoon. He had a few breaks while they filmed scenes he wasn’t part of. We spent those breaks alone in his trailer. While a lot of that time included more intimate activities, we were perfectly content to just be in each other’s company while he went over the script or napped. Both of which he did while cuddled into my side as I ran my fingers through his curls and lightly scratched his scalp with my nails. He complained when I let him fall asleep because that meant he was losing time with me, but we both knew he needed it.

My third day went much like the previous. It was a routine we had settled into. Dieter’s overall mood seemed to have improved, and he looked more rested than he had when I first arrived. Rylee seemed happy about that since he was less grumpy and more compliant than he had been.

That evening, filming wrapped early. The cast and crew were planning to hit up a local bar to blow off some steam. Dieter wasn’t planning to go, but Rylee encouraged it. Mostly because she didn’t want to go alone. We humored her and said we would make an appearance, even though we both would have much rather been alone in our suite for the evening.

When we arrived, we found an open space at the bar. Dieter and Rylee took the two open bar stools while I opted to stand for a bit. Dieter sat facing me, with one arm leaned on the bar. I stood in between his open legs, leaning against his shoulder as his hand rested on my hip. Rylee ordered some sort of fruity mixed drink while we both asked for water. If he wasn’t going to drink, then I wasn’t either. Rylee surprisingly didn’t question it, which I appreciated.

There was a steady flow of cast and crew that came over to chat with us. They all seemed nice enough and were very welcoming toward me. Then there was Chloe…We had been there for about an hour when she made her way over to chat with Dieter. She was clearly a few drinks in as her speech was starting to slur slightly. She came up behind him, slowly snaking her arm around his shoulders while saying “hello handsome” in the best sultry voice she could muster. She did all this, even though he was sitting there with one of his arms around me. I felt him lean forward into me as he reached to remove her arm from his shoulder. I turned to meet her gaze, confused by her brazen actions. She stepped away, giving an obvious pout as she finally realized I was standing there. She tilted her head like she was trying to sort out a puzzle, then reached out her hand to shake mine.

“I’m Chole, I don’t think we’ve met. Are you like his sister or something?”

The look of shock and confusion that Rylee, Dieter, and I gave her had to be almost comical. Was she really that dumb or just being a bitch? Based on the clueless stare she was giving me; I was going with dumb.

Rylee muttered, “You have got to be fucking kidding me,” just loud enough that I could hear her over the loud background music. Dieter leaned forward, trying his hardest not to laugh.

“No, definitely not my sister. That would make all the sex we’ve had the last three days a little weird. She’s actually the love of my life and the only woman I’m currently interested in.”

He gave her a wide smile. It took everything I had in me to control the laughter that was threatening to burst out. Rylee nearly choked on her drink and made no attempts to hide her giggles.

Chloe’s eyes grew large as she took in his response. Her cheeks tinged with red. She gave a tight smile, nodding in understanding before she awkwardly turned to walk away. All three of us burst out laughing.

“I cannot believe you said that to her,” I said to Dieter through my chuckles.

“Just trying to get the point across. The girl is not good at picking up hints.” He sighed, still looking amused, but it was clear that her behavior had been bothering him for a while now. “She probably won’t remember it tomorrow anyway.”

Dieter got up to go to the bathroom, so I took his seat. Rylee and I continued to chat as she turned her back to the bar to look over the crowd, expressing her dismay over the lack of suitable options for a one-night stand. I sat facing her, leaning on the bar with my head propped on my hand, laughing at the disgusted look on her face. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Tom and a group of guys at the end of the bar. They were very obviously looking our way, their lingering eyes occasionally being a bit too blatant. Internally, I was rolling my eyes and hoping they didn’t cause any trouble. I was startled by Dieter speaking up loudly from behind me, his voice tense and words clipped.

“The fuck you looking at?”

I turned to face him; he was clearly looking in the direction of Tom’s group. I didn’t see their reaction, but Dieter seemed satisfied after a moment as I reached to grab at his shirt and pull him over to me. I was attempting to distract him to avoid any further drama.

“Don’t pay any attention to them, they’re clearly drunk.”

He couldn’t stop a huff falling from his lips as his arms slid around my waist, eyes focused on mine. “Yeah well, they don’t need to be staring at you two like that,” he muttered.

“Don’t worry about it D., I think we can handle them,” Rylee added with a serious tone.

After a short while, the group got up and left the bar area. Dieter followed them with his eyes as they retreated to the upstairs area of the establishment. Once they were gone, he visibly relaxed within a few minutes, seeming to have forgotten about the exchange. He continued to chat with some crew members sitting close to us as Rylee pulled me out to dance. I felt a little out of my element. I was typically a few drinks in before I ever took to the dance floor, but I tried to let loose a little and have fun with her. I could see Dieter still seated at the bar, keeping a close eye on us, and occasionally smiling at our antics when our eyes met.

We were a few songs in when I felt someone come up behind me and wrap their arms around my waist. I immediately stiffened because I knew it wasn’t Dieter. When I turned to push them away, I saw it was one of the guys who had been in Tom’s group earlier. This was not going to go well. I tried my hardest to get rid of him before Dieter noticed, but he absolutely would not go away and only continued to get more handsy as I continued to resist. Rylee stepped in to intervene and he pushed her away, before grabbing onto my ass. I pushed away again, more roughly this time as I moved to walk away. When I turned, Dieter was right there in front of me, his eyes blazing with anger. Rylee and I had to step in to block him as he was about to throw a punch at the guy's face.

“Hey, hey, hey. Stop. Stop it!” I yelled as I hooked my arm around his when he was mid swing. There was no doubt in my mind that he could take the guy, but a fight was the last thing he needed. Especially with how short his fuse already seemed to be lately. Rylee was pushing backwards on Dieter’s chest while he yelled obscenities at the guy, who just stood there with a smug look on his face. It clearly only enraged Dieter more, causing him to keep pushing back against us to get to the guy.

“Dieter, stop it! It’s ok, I’m ok.”

“It’s not fucking ok. He has no right to touch you like that.”

“No, he doesn’t but we can deal with it another way. Just not like this, please.”

“You can kiss your fucking job goodbye. Don’t even show up tomorrow,” Dieter yelled toward the guy who shouted a quick, “Fuck you,” back at him.

Rylee and I pushed him toward the exit. Once outside, she called for our driver to pick us up. Dieter took off without a word and headed down the street, taking long strides as he seemed oblivious to his surroundings. The set of his shoulders was tense and tight, and I noticed his hands clench into fists repeatedly as he got further away from us. I moved to follow him, but Rylee stopped me.

“Just give him a minute.” 

I bit my lip as I watched him disappear from sight. I took a few deep breaths to calm my nerves. “Does he always fly off the handle like that?” I knew the answer before I had finished asking the question. During the time we had spent together in the past several months, I had never seen him respond in that way. He had never attempted to hit anyone or verbally attack them with anger. As pissed as he was when we ran into Justin, he stayed perfectly calm through that entire exchange.

“Like that? No. But I assume it’s just because it had to do with you,” Rylee responded.

A few minutes later our car pulled up and Dieter still hadn’t returned. We instructed the driver to head in the same direction he had walked earlier, hoping that we would find him. I spotted him sitting on a bench with his head in his hands and told our driver to pull over. Once the car was parked, I got out and walked over to the bench, taking a seat next to him. When he didn’t look up, I started rubbing slow circles on his back with my hand.

“You ok?”

He shook his head from side to side before sitting up straight, inhaling deeply as he looked around at nothing. His face was tense. I couldn’t tell if it was from anger or distress. He wouldn’t look at me.

“Talk to me. What’s wrong?”

He shook his head from side to side again while trying to control his breathing. His leg started to bounce as he continued to stare, unblinking, the dissociation palpable in the air. I felt like he was fighting off a panic attack. After hesitating for a moment, I stood up and climbed onto his lap, my legs straddling his thighs. I forced him to look at me, grabbing one of his hands and holding it to my chest as his eyes locked with mine. With my free hand, I reached for the hair at the base of his neck and rubbed him gently, just like I had done after the Anna incident. Immediately his body language changed, and I felt him lean into my touch, a barely audible sigh escaping from his lips.

“Tell me what’s going on.”

He shook his head slowly, searching for words. “I just… couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. I dunno. I think I blacked out for a minute.” He looked away as another sigh broke free from him. “I don’t even know what just happened.”

I pulled him in and hugged tightly around his shoulders. He buried his face into the crook of my neck as his breathing slowed. He held onto me tightly. I could feel the occasional twitching in his right hand.

“I’m sorry, I know I could’ve handled that differently,” he said eventually, his breath warm against the curve of my shoulder. “I just kinda snapped when I saw him grab you like that.”

I pulled back to look at him, running my fingers through the side of his hair.

“You’re fine. I understand why you were upset.” I leaned in, giving him a lingering kiss on his lips, then rubbed my nose against his.

“How about we head back to the resort and forget about this mess.”

He let out a small sigh before nodding in agreement. He stood as he kept his hand pressed against the small of my back, lifting me with him before gently depositing my feet on the ground. I took his hand, leading him in the direction of where the car had parked. 

True to his word, Dieter made a few calls the next morning before we got to set. The guy, whose name turned out to be Craig, was fired. They didn’t want someone like that around, for obvious reasons.

We fell back into our routine after the incident at the bar. My remaining days with Dieter were passing by quickly, which only seemed to bring his mood down. He was spending less time preparing for filming and more time with me during his breaks. We never spoke of how much time we had left, but I could tell it was always at the forefront of his mind. It was clear in the way he would cling to me when we were alone, how he would also avoid any conversation about when I would eventually be flying home. I had given up on getting any of my remote work done during the last two days; the work mattered, but faded in importance compared to being present there with him. On top of that, the cell signal issues persisted, so I opted to take some time off for those days instead. It meant I got more time to watch Dieter in action. I was able to be near him, just off camera the entire time. He took full advantage of my presence between takes, coming over for an affectionate touch or kiss when he was able.

On the morning of my flight to LA, he woke me before either of our alarms went off. I had barely opened my eyes before I felt his hands roam over my body, his lips soft and warm as he trailed kisses down my neck from behind. Once I turned over towards him, his motions turned near frantic almost immediately as he met my lips for a deep kiss, his fingers sliding between my thighs where he found I was ready for him. Our kisses were urgent, our touches insistent. It was almost like we couldn’t get close enough. With the quick pace that he set from the beginning, neither of us lasted long. As soon as he felt me coming undone, he followed. He stayed propped above me, with his elbows on either side of my head, kissing me in between brief moments of letting his eyes dance across my face. I could feel him lightly threading my hair through his fingers. 

“I’m not sure how many more times I can tell you goodbye like this. I fucking hate it.” His brows knitted together as he spoke. The emotion was clear on his face. He looked like he was about to break. I reached up to tangle my hands in his messy curls.

“I know baby, I do too. It’s just for four weeks though, then you get to come home for a few days.”

I tried my hardest to sound positive, but every fiber of my being was screaming in protest. Something felt off. Something was telling me to stay with him. I felt a tear slide down the side of my face while I fought with those emotions. I knew I was just being irrational because I didn’t want to be away from him. He wiped the tear away with his thumb and leaned down to kiss me, gently.

We were interrupted by the alarm on his phone going off. He reached over to grab it from the nightstand with a protesting groan as he pulled out of me. He turned the alarm off and set the phone next to my head as he settled above me again, continuing to kiss me deeply. But once again we were interrupted by his phone; it was Rylee with her usual morning call to make sure he was awake. He finally sat up to answer it. I could hear her reminding him of my flight details before he cut her off to say we had it all under control and he would see her later. He wasn’t usually so terse with her, so it surprised me a little. After he hung up, he let out a loud sigh and got up to go toward the shower. 

I sat in bed a little longer before joining him, taking a moment because I could feel the panic rising in my chest. The little voice in my head kept screaming at me to stay with him. I needed to pull it together, for him. Me being upset was only going to make him more anxious. I finally drug myself up out of the bed to go shower. We both rushed to get ready. He had to leave before I did, but I still needed to pack up.

When I came out of the bathroom after drying my hair and getting dressed, Dieter was sitting at the edge of the bed with his elbows propped on his knees and palms rubbing at his eyes. When he looked up at me, his eyes were red and glossy.

“My car is here.”

I inhaled a deep breath and gave him a nod as I walked toward him. I pulled him into a tight hug.

“You’re gonna be so busy, the time will fly by. You probably won’t even notice I’m gone,” I said into his neck. He scoffed.

“I think we both know that’s not true.”

I gave him a tight smile as I pulled away to look him in the eye, “You call me when you’re having a hard time, yeah?”

He looked down and away from me as he gave me a small nod. His phone pinged, no doubt it was Rylee telling him to hurry it up. He leaned in for one last kiss before leaving.

I stood for some time, staring at the door I had just watched close behind him. I kept having a feeling in the pit of my stomach that this might be the last time I would see him, and it was freaking me out. It took everything in me to push those thoughts away so that I could focus on packing and making my flight.

In the days that followed, he called every time he was able, but most of our communication was done via text message. Which I knew he absolutely hated. About a week after I got home, there was a full day that I didn’t hear from him. I started to get a little worried, until I got a text message from Rylee later that evening saying that Dieter’s phone was broken, and he would call me from her phone later.       

It was near midnight when my phone finally rang. I had been lying in bed for an hour, wide awake, hopeful that he was going to call. I know the relief had to be obvious in my voice when I answered.

“Please tell me you didn’t throw your phone into the river because it wouldn’t work.”

Dieter laughed, “No, actually I threw it at a stone wall because it wouldn’t work. It’s in pieces.”

I was a little taken aback by his response. I had only been joking.

“Dieter, that’s a little excessive.”

“Yeah, but it made me feel better for a few minutes.” He cleared his throat, voice slightly hoarse as fatigue laced through his words. “Until I realized I couldn’t text or call you at all after that.”

I wasn’t sure how to react to that. It seemed a little out of character for him.

“Rylee ordered another phone for me. It should be here tomorrow.”

“Well, at least you’ll get a replacement quickly.”

“Yeah, I’ll try to not break this one,” he said with a small laugh.

His voice sounded off. I wasn’t sure why, but it did.

“Are you doing ok?”

He took a moment to respond and I heard him gulp down something to drink. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be? I’m fan-fucking-tastic.”

“Is that sarcasm?”

“No. I’m fine.” More drinking sounds, then a sigh. “I mean, I miss you and I’m tired. That’s nothing new though.”

The phone disconnected with a beep. I got a text a minute later.

DIETER: Sorry, lost fucking signal again. Talk to you tomorrow. Love you.

“This fucking sucks,” I huffed out loud to myself. I sent him a quick goodnight text and tried to go to sleep. 

In the weeks that followed, I could tell something was going on with Dieter when he would call. He always insisted that he was fine, and it was just all the usual things bothering him. However, he seemed to be growing more distant. The calls and texts were becoming fewer and farther between. It was making me beyond anxious. I was having a hard time focusing on anything, including work. I spent a lot of my time alone, staring at the tv without having any idea what was happening on the screen. I avoided talking to Lauren and Gabby because I knew they would sense something was up, and I wasn’t sure where to even begin explaining my concerns without violating his privacy.

After going a day and a half without hearing from him, I called Rylee to see if he was ok. She said he was normal during filming. Maybe even a little more excitable and obnoxious than usual. She added that he did seem somewhat withdrawn when it was just the two of them though. I asked her to call me if things didn’t improve with him. He was due to come home for a break in one week, so I was hopeful he would snap out of whatever funk he was in.  

Around 10 PM that same evening, my phone lit up with an incoming call from Rylee. I suddenly felt sick. I knew something was wrong.

“Rylee?”

It took a moment before I heard her voice, as static and background noises seemed to drown her out at first. “Ummm, so Dieter is absolutely losing his shit on Tom right now. Do you think you can try to calm him down?” I had never heard Rylee truly agitated, but this time her voice was tense, laced with panic and concern.

My heart felt like it was beating in my throat as I gripped the phone tighter. “I can try- yes, of course. What happened?”

The screaming of two men in the background became louder, as if the phone was turned towards their direction, and I wondered if that was Rylee’s way of offering some further insight.

“Why can’t you just do what you’re fucking told? You’re gonna get someone fucking killed doing that shit,” Dieter yelled, his voice loud and distressed, the sound of it immediately conjuring up a visual of him with clenched fists and dark eyes like he had been that night at the bar.

“Fuck you man, go have a drink and calm the fuck down,” Tom spat back at him.  

“Fuck you dude, she just almost got hurt because of you. You’re an asshole,” Dieter said with indignation.

“Guys! Stop yelling. Take a break,” a third male voice interrupted.

“I don’t know, something about a stunt that didn't go well. I didn’t see it, so I’m not sure. Hold on.”

I could hear Rylee trying to get Dieter’s attention away from Tom, telling him I was on the phone.

“Did you fucking call her?” He sounded pissed and combative, which was not a tone he normally took with her.

She didn’t answer his question. “Talk to her please.”

I could hear the phone jostling around before he answered, his voice still sounding gruff, “Yeah, what is it?”

“What is it?” For a moment I was stunned and didn’t know how to respond at how he snapped at me. “That’s how you're answering? What’s going on?”

He ignored my question and instead fired off one of his own, tension in his words. “Did she call you?”

I hesitated. I didn’t want to get Rylee in trouble.

“No, I called because I haven’t heard from you in almost two days. I wanted to check in.”

He scoffed. “Check in? I’m a grown ass man, I don’t need you two babysitting me.”

“Whhaa? No. That’s…that’s not what I…”

“Look, I’m busy,” he interrupted me before I could say more. “The stunt coordinator needs me. I’ll call you later.”

I was shocked into silence. I didn’t know how to respond. He had never spoken to me like that before.

Rylee got back on the phone, sounding clearly uncomfortable as she must have overheard Dieter. “Heeeey, umm. I don’t even know what to say. That was weird.”

“I don’t know what to say either. I think… I’m gonna come back up there. Maybe it’s because he’s not sleeping.”

Rylee seemed to sigh in relief, but quickly recovered. “I’ll get a flight set up for you.”

“No, I can do that. Just, keep him out of trouble. I’ll see if I can get one for tomorrow.”

We hung up after that. I had to take a minute to pull myself together. I couldn’t let myself fall apart right now. Once I had a minute to gather my thoughts, I walked to my home office and fired up my desktop so I could start looking at flights. It was near 1:30 AM when my phone started ringing on my desk, it was Dieter. I was honestly surprised that he called.

“Hello.”

“Hey.”

“Hey.”  

I wasn’t sure what to say to him after our earlier exchange. I was hurt and upset with him. For a moment there was silence between us, but then Dieter cleared his throat as he finally spoke.

“I think we need to talk.”

I had that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I felt like I was going to be sick. Those words were never good.

“I just booked a flight”, I said, trying to not grip the phone even harder than I was already doing, just to have something to hold on to. “I’m gonna come back up there tomorrow.”

“I don’t want you to do that.” His voice was tight as he strained to get the words out. It almost hurt me to listen. He didn’t sound right, not like this. Not like the Dieter I had known over the past months.

“Why?”

“Because I don’t think this is working. It’s…”, he seemed to search for words. I could hear him moving things around; something scraping over a hard surface, the sound of ice cubes in a glass. “It’s a burden and it's inconvenient. Just don’t waste your time.” His speech sounded slightly slurred.

I took a deep breath to calm myself as I leaned my forehead against my hand that was propped on my desk. “Dieter. Don’t do this…please. Have you been drinking?”

“That doesn’t matter. I told you; I don't need you to babysit me.”

“I’m not, I’m just trying to figure out what’s going on with you.”

He took a deep breath as if bracing himself. “Look, where we’re filming, you’re not gonna be able to work,” he said, words rushing this time. “Aubrey isn’t gonna keep putting up with you taking time off. It’s not gonna work. It’s just not working.”

“What does that even have to do with anything?”

“Nothing, it just compounds the problem.” I could hear ice clinking against glass followed by him swallowing gulps of a beverage.

I shook my head, frustration and fear both thumping hard within my chest. “And what is the problem exactly?”

“We’re incompatible. We shouldn’t have to rearrange our lives to be together. It’s not fair to either of us.”

“What happened to doing whatever it takes to make this work?”

“Actually, I’m pretty sure I said I’d do whatever it takes to make you happy and I am,” he nearly snapped at me, following it up with some words in Spanish that sounded like a curse. “You’ll thank me for it later.”

“No, you said you were all in for this. You’re just gonna give up because it’s hard? Because it's a fucking burden to you?”, I said in disbelief. I leaned back in my chair, shaking my head. I could feel anger bubbling to the surface at his comment. “You think it’s been easy for me? I thought we were in this together. Why do you think you get to choose for me? Let me come up there so we can talk through this.”

“You’re not listening, I don’t have time for you right now.”

“Are you using drugs or something?”

“Why does everyone keep fucking asking me that?!?!”, he yelled in frustration. I could hear him throwing things around in the background. “No, I haven’t used drugs in a long fucking time. I’m completely aware of what I’m doing and saying.”

“Maybe it has to do with the way you're acting. Did you ever consider that? And I’m sorry for fucking caring.”

“Look, I don’t know what else to say. It’s not working, ok? We tried and it didn’t work. There are better options that are less work. No more burdens or inconveniences.” He sucked in a deep breath. “I need you out of my mind. There’s too much going on with it. It’s a burden.”

He just kept talking in circles. Half of it sounded like nonsense.

“What are you even saying? You’re not making sense.”

“I’m saying we’re done,” he interrupted me, his words sharp and feeling like they were stabbing right into my heart. “I can’t do it anymore. Does that make sense?”

I inhaled sharply, realizing he was set on his decision. My head was pounding, too many moments flashing through my mind as I tried to hold it together. I tried to sort out my thoughts to understand how we suddenly had gotten to this, and how to get through to him without being pushed away.  

“Why did you have to find me? I would’ve been fine if you’d just let me fucking go after New York,” I finally whispered.

My voice shook as I spoke. The tears started to fall from my eyes in a way that I had never before experienced. My vision was completely blurred by it. Dieter had gone silent on the other end of the phone, so quiet that I could barely hear him breathe. The line hadn’t disconnected, so I knew he was still listening. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of hearing me fall apart, so I hung up.

I stood, making my way to the bedroom. I crawled into bed and bawled my eyes out. I did so until the early morning glow started to show around the edges of the curtains. When I realized the new day was making itself known, I felt livid that I stayed up all night crying over him. Determined to find sleep, I got up and went to the kitchen in search of alcohol. I knew I had a few bottles hidden away. I found what I was looking for shoved to the back of one of the upper cabinets. I went straight for the hard liquor. Taking a few swings as I headed back to bed. I didn’t plan on getting wasted, I just wanted enough to knock me out so I didn’t have to think about him anymore. I settled back into bed and shot Aubrey a quick text to let her know I was going to take a few days off. I gave no explanation, and she didn’t question me. Once the alcohol had time to kick in, slowing my racing thoughts and helping me relax, I finally fell asleep.  

A/N: All right ya'll... so that happened. Our sweet Dieter is officially in full spiral mode and it's about to get a little crazy for both of them.

Questions to consider:

What do you think is going on with Dieter?

How are we feeling about his behavior?

How long do you think this spiral has been building?

How do you think Talia is going to handle this turn of events?

How are you feeling about the new characters? (Rylee, Tom, Chole)

Predictions?

Once you have had a minute to digest and share your thoughts for this chapter, jump on over to this post for part one of Deconstructing Dieter Bravo. This is a companion series I plan to do for the remaining chapters so that we can get a little more insight into what's going on in that mind of his. 😉

The chapter playlist and mood board are included below.

Next Chapter

Tag List: @rhoorl @bitchwitch1981 @readingiskeepingmegoing @runningmom94 @for-a-longlongtime @hisandsnakes @chaoticfestninja @survivingandenduring @partyofone3413 @cakipy-blog @pedrostories @titlee78 @poodlebae @guelyury @weho2kcmo

Let me know in the comments below if you would like to be added to the tag list.

[stranger-fanfiction-n-things]

PROLOGUE

(Gif and photo of Michaela DePrince)

This is an Original Character fanfiction. All Stranger Things characters and content are owned by Netflix and The Duffer Brothers.

a/n: This is my first fanfiction ever. I believe pacing and context is important in any story. This is going to be a slow burn. Hopefully this prologue gives you a little insight on who Diana Sinclair is separate from The Party.

I am a ballet dancer so there is a lot of dance terminology in this. I urge you all to look up some of these moves and positions.

Anywho, let me know what you all think!

Word Count: 1032

Masterlist

PROLOGUE || PART I ||

Sunday November 6, 1983 - BELOV DANCE ACADEMY

Piqué tour. Piqué tour. Upper body. Piqué tour and…double pirouette en dedans. 

“Beautiful, Diana.” Madame Petrovna praises over the melodic rhythm. 

My cheeks grow hot and I continue to dance breathing deeply through my nose. I prepare myself for the hardest move: the Gargouillade. I still didn’t quite understand it, but let my body guide me through the movement. Extending my right foot dégagé to the side, rotating my leg in a small rond de jambe, while pushing off the floor with my left leg to do another rond de jambe with my left foot. 

“And jump!” Madame Petrovna exclaims. “Yes, yes.” 

I perform the gargouillade again, wincing slightly at the second rond de jambe. I didn’t circle my foot completely. 

“Don’t show me you’re tired, Diana. This move is supposed to look effortless.” 

I force myself to smile to hide my disappointment. Soutenu, soutenu, step, step. Double pirouette down to the knee and pose. 

“Good. Very Good girls.” Madam Petrovna says, clapping her hands in her poised manner. Which meant we could do better. “Waltz of the Flowers to the stage please.”  

We all curtsy before running off stage. As soon as my body disappears beyond the curtain, I deflate wiping the sweat off my forehead with the back of my hand. My cheeks burn from exertion. The Dance of Marzipan was a little over two minutes long but it was one of the hardest dances in The Nutcracker Showcase as lead. 

The Waltz of the Flowers orchestration begin shortly after and I watch the performance quietly on my own, swaying from side-to-side en pointe, the malleable shank of my pointe shoes bending with the arches of my feet with each shift in weight. I need to start breaking in my other pair of pointe shoes mom bought for me two weeks ago. These were dead. I glance at my wristwatch. 7:00pm. I sigh, exhaustion weighing down on me. We’re running late as usual. 

“You’re doing great,” a voice whispers near my ear. 

I whip around, clutching my necklace. 

 “Sorry for scaring you!” Mei Wong says. 

Mei Wong is the Sugar Plum Fairy in the annual showcase of The Nutcracker at Belov Dance Academy. She’s also a senior at Hawkins High, most of the girls at the Academy are. I didn’t talk to her or anyone much, my shyness getting the best of me. I always had Nancy until she quit last year. Mom says I need to “put myself out there more” and make new friends at the Academy. The proposition sounded like a death sentence. 

I sigh in relief, revealing a small smile. “It’s okay.” 

“I just wanted to say, you did so well in your routine. I think Madame Petrovna made a great choice picking you to be lead.” 

The audition process for lead was grueling and downright nasty. The girls at the Academy were extremely competitive and I didn’t have a competitive bone in my body, choosing to have fun and enjoy the experience. It didn’t mean I wanted the part less than the other girls. Deep down, I really wanted it and practiced every day after school until the auditions with help from Nancy, Barbara and Mom on technique and presentation. The voice at the back of my mind constantly nit-picked my skills. Taunting me with cruel words and insecure thoughts. You’re too short. You’re not good enough. You can’t dance. You will never be like Mei Wong or Sophie Miller. If it weren’t for Nancy, I would’ve made up an excuse to not audition. 

Two weeks later in the front room of the Academy, I held my head high as I walked to the bulletin board and saw my name across Lead Marzipan. 

“Thank you,” I say. “It means a lot coming from you.” 

“Don’t thank me, you deserve it. Have you ever thought about Juilliard?” 

Juilliard? Last month, Madame Petrovna announced that Mei Wong applied for Juilliard. That was huge for us small-towners. Unheard of even. Juilliard was Emerald City to us at Belov Dance Academy. A place where hopes and dreams can come true. 

I shake my head, toying with my pendant. “No.” 

“I think you should. I can definitely see you going there.” 

I blink unable to comprehend what I heard. Mei Wong is by far the best dancer at the Academy and she was telling me she can see me at Juilliard. The Mecca of all things art. The magical place far from home. Mei looks at me, concern etching her features and I realize I’m staring at her. 

“R-Really?” I stutter.

 “Of course!” 

 “Oh, wow.” I answer, sounding breathless in my ears. 

Mei nods her head in response and I sense the conversation is over. The silence is awkward and a wave of acid wells up in my stomach. I have so much to ask her, but the words are caught under the lump in my throat.  

“I’m gonna get ready with Ben. I’ll talk to you later?” 

I nod cursing violently in my head for being so…awkward. When Mei was far enough, I groan plopping myself down on the floor. Stretching my legs in a straddle split, I watch the girls in Waltz of the Flowers. I don’t pay attention because the acid in my stomach turned into butterflies. Juilliard. I never thought about the school until last month and now Mei thinks I should consider auditioning.

              You know dad won’t let you go. 

I lay down on my stomach resting my chin on the back of my hands. The butterflies in my stomach harden to knots. Juilliard is in New York. Dad wouldn’t even let me see Prince in Indianapolis. The closer to Hawkins, the better. Dad didn’t appreciate change. He was at peace in Hawkins and its simplicity. If he found out his baby girl wanted a life outside of Hawkins…I’m sure it’ll break his heart and I couldn’t stomach the possibility. The look on his face. 

I shake my head, pushing down the thought. I just started sophomore year and had more than enough time to think about college. Especially Juilliard. 

CHAPTER 1: THE VANISHING OF WILL BYERS

[heyitsjaysblog]

Lips and Hands That Soothe.

Words: 3926 | Rated: M | Female! Reader Insert  x Astarion (Y/N, E/C, H/C, H/T)

Synopsis: You are absolutely exhausted after the battle between Myrkul’s Chosen, Ketheric Thorm. You and your companions finally begin the trek to Baldur’s Gate. While on your way to the city, many of your fellow travelers take note of your pained state. Astarion devises a plan to grant you some relief. 

Warnings: Act 2 Spoilers! Swearing, mentions of blood, blood/bite kink, heavy petting, fingering?!

A/N: Grad school is kicking my ass!!!!! So, I apologize for not writing as much! I deadass started this like a few months ago and just finished it. I have, however, planned more to add to my fic series, along with a couple of ideas for more reader inserts! I am planning on doing a few for Halsin next, along with one intended for Gale, so I am also open to more ideas if anyone wishes to read more from me. I hope you all enjoy, it and that this isn’t terribly out of character! I was partially inspired by being super sore after the gym & work one day, and thought to myself: what would a massage from Astarion be like??? 

Gonna go repent after writing this too LMFAO.

***Also, a key just in case: 

Y/N: Your name 

E/C: eye color

H/C: hair color

H/T: hair texture

- - -

You are completely, and utterly exhausted. 

By the Gods, if you had just a moment to rest your eyes or a place to drape your weary bones, you would be the happiest woman in all of Faerûn.

And yet, you are still walking. Or in your case, stumbling. Merely moments away before taking a severe tumble toward the ground, which may just grant you the respite you are so desperately aching for. 

You and your misfit group of companions have come quite a long way from the Illithid wreckage off of the Sword Coast. It’s a mystery to you that you’ve all even managed to get this far, and you’re sure that the sentiment is shared. The whole reason you have been walking, or stumbling for this long, is due to the fact that you all recently bested the Chosen of the Lord of Bones, Myrkul. Fighting Ketheric Thorm was a feat that you truly did not think you would be able to succeed in overcoming. Your comrades were sure at one point that you were done for. However, with their support, as well as Dame Aylin’s, you were able to see another day. 

Another long and tiring day. 

You find yourself walking the rubbled path to Baldur’s Gate, now clear of the Absolute’s forces. While you all surely rested the night of the battle, your muscles still ached. Not even Shadowheart’s healing spells have managed to fully soothe the gnawing pain you suffered from being thrown around. Granted, you weren’t the only one winded and wounded, but your companions were slowly starting to realize that they may need to set up camp much sooner than they anticipated.

As you continued to trail rather behind them all, the pace of the group slowly began to halt. 

“...Why are we slowing down?” you ask, as your eyes dart towards each of your companions.

“Solider…” Karlach begins to speak.

“I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but you look like you’ve seen better days,” she adds, her brows arching into a concerned expression. 

“What?- No, I’m fine…I could just use a small break, is all,” you explain, dismissing her claims. However, you are far from fine. Not far from your side, Astarion quickly scans your face, fairly aware that you’ve lied through your teeth. If anything, he’s gotten to know you rather well over the past couple of weeks with the amount of time you’ve both shared. 

And he was certain that you were moments away from passing out. 

“Darling, I think she’s right.” he adds, as a look of apprehension surfaces on his face. 

“Perhaps it’s for the best that we find somewhere to set up camp…” he suggests, as some of your companions nod in agreement. 

“I wholeheartedly agree.” Gale chimes in, now utilizing his quarterstaff to keep himself upright. 

“In fact, I think we may have some Waterdhavian cheese, baguettes, and cured ham within our camp supply pack…perhaps I can quickly prepare something for us all.” he adds, with a reassuring smile. 

With a heavy sigh, you agree with them all as you allow yourself to be navigated to a nearby clearing, immediately finding a fallen tree trunk to collapse upon. 

- - -

After completing a rather savory meal prepared by Gale, you found yourself sitting on top of your bedroll, which was situated right before the campfire. Your (e/c) eyes indolently studied the dancing flames, as you rested your chin within the palms of your hands. Before you begin to doze off, your ears detect approaching footsteps before a figure takes its place beside you. A pallid hand swiftly runs through your (h/c) hair, slightly surprising you before you sit upright.

Astarion blinks before snickering a bit to himself at your reaction. 

“Apologies, my dear- did I startle you?” he asks, as you begin to rub at your eyes. 

“It’s alright…I think I was beginning to fall asleep.” you explain, taking his cold hand into yours. As you run your fingers over his pale knuckles, Astarion continues to look over your face, taking into account the deep dark circles under your eyes.

“...How are you feeling?” he asks, wondering if your state has improved even slightly from earlier. 

You raise your shoulders to shrug, before offering a response.

“A little better. Just still feeling sore…it’s like my muscles are crying out for help.” you explain, as you look into his vermillion eyes. They appeared to burn even more red than usual, which typically tends to happen when Astarion has yet to feed. In fact, you can’t recall the last time he had even done so. Normally he would hunt, in addition to drinking from you, however, you can’t think back to the last time you spared some of your blood for your vampiric lover. While you have been so fixated on your aches and pains, it seems as though Astarion had his share as well, judging from the small, purplish-green bruise nestled underneath his eye.

“...What about you? When’s the last time you’ve fed?” you inquire, causing Astarion to wave off your insinuation. 

“You don’t need to worry about that, my dear. I’m sure I can procure… something later from the woods.” he attempts to assure you. 

“Besides, I don’t think I could bring myself to drink from you in your state. If anything, you need rest.” he adds, causing you to roll your eyes. 

You were fine! 

A long and good night’s rest should nurse you back to health in no time. 

“I told you all, I’m okay!” you exclaim, attempting to raise yourself to your feet as proof, only to immediately make contact with the ground once more. You let out a groan in response, laying flat on your back from your failed attempt.

Astarion raises his hand to his mouth to stifle his laughter, as you playfully nudge him with your foot to get him to stop laughing. 

“You poor, poor thing,” he says as he helps you sit back upright, causing you to grunt from the movement. 

In doing so, Astarion’s eyes light up as an idea comes to him. 

“In fact, I think I have something in mind that can potentially grant you some…relief,” he says.

As your mind cycles through a myriad of different things he could be alluding to, your brow quirks up in curiosity.

“And that is…?” you respond with a confused expression.

“A massage, of course. I’m known to give rather good ones…or so I’ve been told,” he says with a playful smirk.

“Perhaps I can come to your tent in a bit, and help rid you of some of the tension you have built up.” Astarion suggests, prompting warmth to begin to generate within your cheeks. 

“Hm…I can’t say I’m in the state to turn down a massage…” you drum your fingers across your chin, playfully considering the offer, despite already having your mind made up. 

“Come to my tent in 10 minutes.” you eventually state, causing Astarion’s toothy smile to surface. He swiftly stands, before dramatically offering out his hand to help you up. You roll your eyes in response as a small smile surfaces on your face. Taking his hands, he pulls you up from your seat, causing another groan to escape your lips. 

“Go get comfortable, my sweet. I’ll come find you shortly.” he assures you as you part ways, seeming rather excited as he walks back to his tent. 

You giggle a bit to yourself as you watch him stride off before walking towards your tent in the opposite direction, picking up a lone lantern as you continue to make your way there. As you reach your quarters, you open up the flap before immediately lowering yourself down to the ground inside, bringing the enclosed lantern in with you. Upon setting the lantern down on a nearby leather chest, you release a deep sigh before beginning to remove your armor. Your arms are unreasonably heavy, making this an even more difficult task. As you undo each layer, you become more and more aware of some of the bruises you suffered from the day before, attempting to carefully maneuver the rest of your clothing without accidentally disrupting one. Once you get fully unclothed, you sigh to yourself as you lift one of the cushions in your tent to retrieve a loose-fitting linen camisole with its matching pair of shorts. You once again lift your arms to pull your nightwear over your limbs and onto your body. Once you accomplish this task, you sprawl your body out onto the scattered cushions on the ground of your tent, finally bringing your eyelids to a close. 

It isn’t too long before you detect the sound of what appears to be someone beginning to undo the flap of your tent. As your body shoots upright, you recognize the pale, slender fingers undoing the ties of your tent’s entrance. The flap falls, revealing Astarion, with a wooden crate that appears to contain a myriad of different glass bottles. 

“May I come in?” he inquires, with his distinctive smirk. 

“You may,” you respond, with a quirked brow as you watch him lower his head before stepping into the tent. He then proceeds to set down the crate and remove his leather boots, before sealing the flap once more.

“I thought with the tadpole you no longer needed to be invited in?” you teased, as you watched him situate himself on the cushions alongside you, prompting him to snicker a bit at your joke. Your eyes once again scan the crate that he brought inside. It appeared to be filled with glass bottles that seemed to store different creams, emulsions, and expensive-looking oils. 

“What in the hells…is all of that?” you whisper to yourself as your eyes flit between each bottle, a smile growing on your face as you stare in disbelief. 

Astarion blinks as he studies your face, wondering why his collection of products seems to be startling you. 

“Well…you seemed interested in receiving a massage, and I found it only fair to give you a proper one,” he says with a grin. 

“I see…” you respond, as you watch him crack his fingers, causing you to giggle a bit at how seriously he’s taking this process. 

Astarion’s gaze meets yours before his brows pinch together in frustration. 

“Well…?” he inquires, before continuing his thought. 

“Don’t just sit there ogling me. Come here, and get comfortable!” he says, patting the cushion before him as he urges you to find a place in front of where he kneeled.

You roll your eyes with a small smile before crawling over to him and turning so that your back faces him. You sigh a bit as you let your shoulders fall, attempting to obey his command and “relax”. Attempting to further ease your comfort, you fold your legs as you situate yourself within the cushion.

Your gaze faces forward, yet you are tempted to turn around and watch what Astarion is concocting once you hear the movement of glass shifting behind you. Letting the biting curiosity take hold of you, you start to turn your body backward before Astarion realizes that you’re watching his every move. He tuts, before taking his cold hands and gently turning your head forward once more, causing you to laugh. 

“No. Peeking.” he states firmly, before continuing with what he was doing originally. 

“Just…close your eyes, or something-” he suggests as he unscrews a glass bottle of oil before letting the liquid fill his palms. As you hear him rub his hands together, you jump a bit as you feel cold, slender fingers make contact with your skin. Ever-so-slightly, Astarion takes his pointer fingers to move your (h/t) hair out of the way, before beginning to gently massage your neck. You sigh a bit, focusing on the flickering flame in your lantern, as you close your eyes. You then shift your posture to move further back into him. His hands glide across your skin before deeply digging into your shoulder blades, causing you to hum in contentment. 

That…actually feels good, you thought to yourself. While you’ve come accustomed to how skilled Astarion is with his hands, you could have never imagined one of his massages feeling like this.

As he continues to work, he directs most of his motion into the center of your neck, right in between your shoulder blades. You stir a bit, as he hits a part of your body that houses a very distinct knot. 

Lowering his mouth to your ear, his soft lips brush against it before he speaks in a low whisper. 

“Do you feel tension here?” he inquires, causing an electric ripple to run through your core at the sound of his voice. 

“M-mhm…” you swallow, somewhat startled by the sensation of his words practically reverberating through you. 

As he pulls away, he slowly begins to work at the knot, carefully making sure to make firm, yet articulate motions to help alleviate the pressure. You let out a breathy sigh, further relaxing into his touch. You take notice of the oil that he applied to his hands, which seemed to be growing warmer and warmer as he used it to massage you. An odd feeling, as both his naturally cold touch, and the warming effect of the oil work together to coax the tenseness of your muscles. The aroma of the oil fills the tent, giving off the scent of spiced citrus. There were notes of sweet almond, cinnamon, and clove, but more specifically, something that you’ve come to grow very familiar with. A scent that smelled so comforting, and distinct. Your nostrils twitch as you attempt to determine the scent.

 It could only be that of…

“This oil you're using…is that bergamot?” you ask, causing Astarion to halt his work. 

If you knew that would be the case, you wouldn’t have spoken at all.

Astarion chuckles a bit to himself, somewhat shocked at the fact that you were able to recognize it so easily. 

“You are correct, my sweet,” he affirms your suspicion, before resuming the massage, beginning to move further down your back. 

“A rather impressive guess.” he commends you, causing you to smile to yourself. 

“It wasn’t so difficult to assume…the smell reminds me of you,” you say with a soft smile, as a rosy tint settles into your cheeks. Once again, however, you jump a bit as you suddenly feel Astarion’s lips brush past your ear. 

“May I go lower?” he asks, as he gently tugs at the straps of your linen camisole. Your eyes flutter open slightly, as they meet his finger lifting the string of fabric. You offer an eager, yet shy nod, prompting Astarion to smirk in response. 

“Excellent.” he says in a low voice, pushing the strings of the camisole down past your shoulders, which causes the fabric to fall down your frame and gather at your waist. The cool air causes your nipples to erect, and once again, Astarion’s hands make contact with your body. As your eyes flutter closed, Astarion’s hands glide further down your back, while he cautiously moves around the bruised patches of skin that he comes across. His fingers lightly trace down your spine, before his hands settle on delicate, unbruised skin. He then carefully kneads into your back, causing your posture to shift. As he continues to carry on, a moan builds in within you, forcing itself out of your lips. 

Somewhat embarrassed, you raise a hand to your mouth, which causes Astarion to chuckle a bit at your reaction. 

“Careful, my love…you may wake our companions.” he jokingly warns, although, he truthfully did not care if others heard.

Suddenly, his hands glide upward across your skin, before slyly making contact with your breasts. With a firm, yet gentle touch, Astarion’s pale hands begin to cup your breasts, causing the tint in your cheeks to grow darker. He begins to massage them, softly brushing the pads of his thumbs over your erect nipples. Another moan spills out of your mouth as Astarion brings his body close to yours. Your arousal builds, causing a pleasurable burn to begin to develop in between your thighs. As he continues to tenderly massage your breasts, you throw your head back into his chest, shifting in your seated position, before Astarion lowers his lips down to the exposed flesh of your neck. He then gingerly peppers your neck with soft kisses, before moving to suck at the skin, intending to leave a hickey to match the other bruised patches of skin you possess. 

Becoming rather amused with all of the squirming and moaning you seemed to be doing, Astarion couldn’t help but pull away, only to take you into his arms and gently pull you back into his lap. A light squeal erupts from your lips before you relax into his hold. You suddenly become very aware of a growing bulge in Astarion’s trousers as it rubs against your sex, causing another ripple of arousal to echo through your core. 

Astarion continues to explore your body as his hands glide down your side, moving toward your stomach until he eventually meets the waistband of your shorts. At this point, your clit is practically thumping in concordance with your heartbeat. 

Pressing his lips towards your ear, he whispers, “Shall I go lower…?”

Your breath hitches before your eyes flicker open. 

“Astarion…you don’t have to-” you start to speak.

“You’re absolutely right. I don’t have to,” he interrupts your thought, using his free hand to guide your chin, as your gaze met his.

“I want to,” he assures you, as his scarlet pupils lock onto your (e/c) eyes. 

A smirk tugs on his lips before he moves his face closer to yours to press a soft kiss onto your lips. You lift a hand to his cheek, desiring to deepen the kiss as long as you can. While doing so, your other free hand takes grasp of his hand, maneuvering it towards your shorts. Astarion smiles into your kiss, reacting to your forwardness. As he pulls his face away, his hands slowly creep into your shorts, and the pads of his fingertips finally make contact with your clit. A soft moan escapes your lips as you turn, positioning yourself so that your back once again relaxes into his chest. As he holds you, his one hand further rubs down the folds of your labia, while the other once again returns to cup and massage one of your breasts. Astarion traces one of his fingers around your entrance, sighing as his finger is coated with your slick arousal. In doing so, he rhythmically rubs two fingers against the inside of your folds, causing you to moan once again. As he continues to go back and forth, occasionally circling your clit with his fingertips, your body twitches as you begin to grind against the friction as well. The feeling was driving you mad, and if anything, you could think of only one more thing that would further send you over the edge.

As your body arches against his, you tilt your head slightly to the side, exposing your neck. With a free hand, you attempt to reach back, trying to guide his face towards your neck once more. 

“Bite me.” you say, as his eyes widen a bit by the proposal. 

His gaze quickly meets yours, looking for confirmation, only to be met with another eager nod. As you confirm your request, Astarion lowers his head towards your neck, planting a delicate kiss at the crook. He takes his other hand and cradles your head. As he teases your entrance, Astarion fangs graze against the sensitive flesh of your neck before piercing the skin, all the while dipping two of his fingers into your body. Your body arches once again, biting your lower lip as you stifle a deep moan. Blood starts to stream down your neck, past your collarbone, and drips down your chest. As your blood coats his tongue, he can’t help but moan into your neck as well, causing a flutter of arousal to echo through your core once more. Sweat beads on your forehead, as you clamp your eyes shut in pleasure. His fingers work in and out as he steadily fingerfucks you with little to no resistance. You shudder from the sensation, growing wetter and wetter from feeling filled by him, and him alone.

Astarion continues to suck at your neck, simultaneously thrusting his fingers with ease. He could practically feel your heartbeat thumping against him, and as the pace slows, he pulls his fangs out from your neck. He drags his tongue along the bitemark, attempting to quickly cleanse the wound. As he finishes drinking from you, his hands shift from cradling your head to directing attention back to your clit. With the combination of circular motions, thrusting, and rubbing against that one particular spot, you were only but moments away from cumming. 

“A-Astarion…I-I’m-” you begin to stammer, before reaching climax, and practically gasping for air as you feel a complete release come over you. 

“That’s it, my love…” he coaxes you with a low tone as you coat his fingers and hand as you orgasm. Your body practically goes limp as you recline further against him, and he can’t help but snicker at your ecstatic expression. Bringing his fingers to his blood-stained mouth, he sucks on the two that were just previously inside of you, wanting to taste your arousal. Astarion moans a bit as he shuts his eyes, taking in the flavors of you, before he licks away the remaining blood from his lips.

As you enter a state of blissful stupor from your orgasm, you slip out from his lap before falling back onto the cushions of your tent and wiping away the sweat from your forehead. A contented sigh escapes your lips. 

Astarion’s brow quirks in curiosity, as he was very interested to know what you were thinking.

“Well…how do you feel now?” he inquires as he takes a nearby rag to pick up any of the blood that may have dripped down his chin. The purplish-green bruise that once sat on top of his cheek now seemed to have faded away upon him feeding from you.

With your eyes still shut as you lay on your back, still basking in the aftereffects of your orgasm, a rather goofy-looking smile surfaces on your face. Truth be told, a massage and an orgasm were almost exactly what you needed to temporarily forget about all of the bodily pain you were experiencing from your previous battle. 

“That was…” you begin, before pressing a hand over your bare chest. 

“I feel fucking amazing.” you finish your thought with a laugh, slightly opening your eyes to meet your lover’s once again. 

Astarion chuckles a bit at your response. His eyes look you over and a pleased expression forms on his face. 

“Well, my dear, I’m glad I could be of service,” he says with a smirk before an inquisitive expression takes over. 

“Y’know, truth be told, perhaps I missed my calling as a masseur…” his voice trails off as he briefly ponders the thought. 

You giggle a bit, before turning to face him. 

“Well…now it’s your turn.” you announce, as Astarion’s eyes widen in anticipation, once again being caught off guard by your forward demeanor.

Abruptly, you take the frilled collar of his white shirt into your hands, pulling him down towards the cushions with you. 

You desperately wanted to return the favor.