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simping-for-joe · 30 days

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Hi there! So here's my idea. The reader (medic officer) and leon just come out as a new couple and they're happy until one day they get draft for a mission and there meet the one and only Ada Wong that they have to cooperate for the mission. Leon is paying way more attention and all over Ada that he almost disregard the reader. She tries to be understanding and softly communicate with Leon but it turns into an argument. The reader gets upset and misunderstand Leon that he is very not much over with his "the one that got away". Leon regrets the things he said and tries to talk to her but she proceeds to avoid Leon at all costs. Que the enemies attack their base and the reader sees that the enemy is aiming to shoot Ada and at the last minute takes the critical hit for her while thinking that Leon would be heartbroken if Ada dies. Reader flatline a couple of times. I would like to know how Leon would react to this. Let's end it with a happy note ^^

I Know Who You Pretend I am

Leon Kennedy X reader

You and Leon have started dating, but the reappearance of Ada Wong has led to complications.

A/N: Sorry this took me so long to work on, like I'm super sorry this took so long. I like Ada but like separate from Leon, I don't like the whole dynamic. Separate Ways also really got me to like her, so I'll try my best to write her in character. Again, I’m so sorry this took forever and thank you for your request

(Title from "Washing Machine Heart" by Mitski)

"Leon... you'll get us into trouble." You laugh as you feel his lips on your neck, you were in the break room alone.

"With who?" The blonde man asks with a smirk on his lips, his hands caressing your sides and hips. His blue eyes scanning your warm face. As he leans down to give you another kiss both of your radios go off.

"Condor one, Dove one come in." Leon huffs softly in annoyance as you giggle at his disappointment. He smiles at your laughs as you both get your next mission, together surprisingly.

The mission was simple enter into a Tri-cell facility to get information for the BSAA. You were there if there was any injured captured people and to see if you could understand some of the viruses Tri-cell was making. Leon was there as muscle and to protect you if things went wrong, and that was more than likely.

You sit next to him a little tense, Leon placed a gentle hand on your thigh.

"Hey... no worries, I'll be here the entire time." He assures you with a smile giving your thigh a gentle squeeze. You nod gently, giving him a slightly strained smile. He gives you a softer one in return, hoping to add to the comforting feeling he brings.

The inflation begins, and Leon makes sure to cover you.

"Stay close," He reminds you. His eyebrows furrowed as he looks around the area.

"Right." You reply softly, keeping low and close to him. Your handgun is tight in your grip as you follow his moves very closely. Making sure no one gets too close to you, a shield for anything that might harm you.

Leon enters a room first, his eyes scanning the area first before letting you in.

"We really need to stop running into each other like this." A female voice suddenly speaks up, causing Leon to take a step in front of you. The sound of heels gets to your ears, and you notice Leon relax a bit.

"Ada." He says simply, in turn, you tense up. Finally, the woman dressed in red makes herself clear a cat-like smirk on her lips.

"Always a pleasure Leon," she greets him. She looks at you, her smirk still on her painted lips. "I see you're still babysitting."

"I'm not-"

"Why are you here?" Leon interrupts you, making you deflate and any courage you had to confront the woman fades quickly.

"Oh, I'm sure for a similar reason..." She replies vaguely to him. Before either you or Leon could reply there a loud sound out in the hallway.

"Stay here." He instructs you and looks out into the hall. "We need to go now!" He grabs your arm and pulls you along. Ada seeming to catch on.

"There's a vent at the end of the room." She supplies, to which Leon just nods.

"Ladies first." Leon says to you, and while you'd usually play along at that moment it felt different. You get into the vent and both of them get in behind you.

Eventually you reach the other room. Dropping down into it, before Leon and Ada come out.

"You okay?" Leon asks you softly placing a gentle hand on your back, looking to him. You smile softly and nod, he gives you a small one back. Only to find his gaze on Ada.

"It's been a long time." Leon begins softly to her, she looks to him her face more neutral.

"Didn't I tell you not to think too hard?" She asks her hands on her hips, a fond look in her eyes as she looks at Leon. You watch this all, looking at Leon's reaction which is a small laugh and smile. You try to brush it off, but you know Leon's history with Ada. You've had late nights talking with him about it. You watched them talk, the words not quite reaching your ears as you watched numbly. It was as if a lost rhythm was picked up again after everything.

You're not sure how, but this ended with Ada joining you and Leon as the threat he had seen was still wandering around. Heavy footsteps are heard very so often. At first, he was walking side by side with Ada forgetting you in the background. Only making you feel worse about the matter. You held onto your handgun not really focusing on them.

Leon glanced behind at you and slowed down.

"Hey," he says softly causing you to look at him. His voice bringing you out of your daze. "Everything okay..? You've been really quiet." He says gently.

"Yeah... I was just..." You hesitate before you look at him, and see his worried look. You look ahead, it was clear Ada is not listening to whatever you were saying. "Do um..." You didn't know how to bring this up lightly. "You and Ada seem close..."

"Not really." He replies with a raised eyebrow.

"You just really... seemed to miss her." You try to correct your wording, which gets a hard look from your boyfriend. Making your shoulders tense up.

"And what exactly are you implying?" He asks, his eyebrows furrowed.

"N-nothing!"

"It sounds like you're implying something," he snaps back quickly. He sighs trying to cool his anger. "Just ask me what your thinking." He says his tone not as harsh.

"I... what are your feelings about Ada?" You ask nervously, and Leon gets an odd look.

"Sweetheart... it's complicated..." He says softly unsure how to explain his thoughts.

"Oh... I see." You reply softly.

"Hey, it's nothing like that." He immediately tries to say.

"Then why are you so defensive?" You ask eyebrows furrowed.

"Are you serious?" Before he can argue more, you walk ahead not wanting to hear anything more from him. "Fuck..." he breathes out softly in disbelief.

Leon attempts to talk to you as you three search the facility, but he can never seem to get you to listen or stop.

As you turned the corner you saw it, the thing Leon had seen. A large mutated tyrant.

"It's here!" You manage to shout to the other two as it charges down the hallway spotting you as you spot it. Leon pulled Ada out of the way as you dodged it barely. His arms around her as they took a moment to breathe. Leon and Ada pulled out their handguns attempting to stop the hulking mutant with bullets. You rushed into one of the rooms, trying to find anything that could help fight the thing. That's when you spot something, you look at the hallway. "Do either of you have a lighter?" You shout back at the pair.

"What?" Leon asks confused.

"I do." Ada supplies, you grabbed two large hand sanitizers from the labs. You dump one out on the floor, you manage to splash the other container onto the tyrant angering it. "What are you doing? Pissing it off!?" Ada snaps annoyed.

"Hand sanitizer is flammable, and has alcohol in it." You explain quickly and anxiously as you put the lighter to the puddle on the floor. The fire didn't light long but it definitely affected the tyrant. Giving weak spots for Ada and Leon to hit when the tyrant suddenly charges again. Thinking quickly you push Ada out of the way, causing you to take the hit. Your back hits the wall, and you hear something crack before you fall to the floor. The pain overwhelms your senses as your heart pounds loudly in your chest.

"No!" You hear Leon shout your name, and the last thing you see is him running up to you.

The next time you open your eyes for a moment you hear the rushing of feet, watching as florescent light pass quickly overhead. You hear his voice, it's panicked and asking questions. A curt voice replies before it all goes black again.

Your eyes open again for a moment, you just feel a hand in yours. A thumb rubbing your knuckles gently. You see Leon's head nod as he speaks to a figure you can't quite make out before your head falls back. The darkness consumes your vision again.

As the light comes back again, the room is dark. A few stars shining can be seen from the large window. You look to the side of the bed to see the blonde man fast asleep in a chair.

"Leon..." you manage to whisper out, but the man wakes up despite how quiet your voice had been.

"Hey, sweetheart..." He says softly, moving his chair close to your bed. He gently caresses your cheek which you lean into.

"Hey..." You reply in a quiet tone.

"You scared the shit out of me, you know?" He said, his tone still quiet.

"Sorry..." Those words only get a soft chuckle from the man.

"I don't think you purposely tried to get this injured." He pointed out. His thumb gently rubbing your cheek. You give a small laugh.

"That's a good point..." You reply softly. "Leon... I'm sorry about everything with Ada... I just-"

"Don't worry about any of that, okay?" His deep blue eyes look to yours, waiting for your response.

"Okay..."

"Just know I love you... and I'm sorry I didn't make that clear enough." He gently leans forward and kisses your forehead. You felt some warmth rise to your cheeks, making him smile. "Get some rest... I need my baby back in my life." He says squeezing your hand still as you fall into comfortable sleep.

#resident evil #leon kennedy #leon s kennedy #leon kennedy x reader #fanfic #leon x reader #no use of y/n #I looked up about the hand sanitizer #I checked my facts #you can a light a camp fire with it #for a little while #but my point still stands #hurt/comfort #injuries #sorry this took so long

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sylveriasarcana · 2 months

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The Passenger and OCD, or, Randy Bradley and his Weird, Violent Therapist

Hi! As the title implies, I think the 2023 movie 'The Passenger' can be interpreted from the perspective of OCD recovery! And I think Randy Bradley might have OCD! I also think that over the course of the movie, his experiences with Benson help him recover from OCD!

I've got a lot of thoughts about this, and I've put them all under a Read More because of how damn many I have! I hope you enjoy them!

First off; an overview of OCD, then an overview of the most obvious ways in which I believe Randy exhibits OCD symptoms, then a look at Benson and how he carries out a very twisted version of "Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP)", the recommended treatment for OCD.

I hope you enjoy! I might sleep again after this! That'd be neat!

Please note that OCD is very complex and affects each person that has it differently. In this analysis, I refer largely to my own experiences with OCD. They may not reflect your own. Please do not see this as an attempt to explain everything about OCD, or use this to tell other people they don't have OCD because it's not exactly what I'm describing.

(also a lot of this has screenshots of Benson looking at Randy with "wtf" face so hope you enjoy that)

You're Probably Wrong About OCD (Here's What It Is)

Before we start, we need to understand what OCD is. "Oh, that's when you get really stressed out if things aren't clean, right?". No. It's not your fault if you think that, it's how most people think it is, but it's not. Or at least, that's a very simplified version of it. Here's what it actually is.

OCD can manifest as an obsession (or a "theme") followed by a compulsion to try and ease the distress caused by an obsession. These compulsions are usually illogical, an extreme example being "I need take an equal amount of steps on both feet when I'm walking home from work every day or my grandma might die". Themes, as well, are varied. They are sometimes very taboo - for example, one might experience intrusive thoughts along the lines of "what if you caused serious bodily harm to your partner?" or "what if you are secretly a sexual predator?". A compulsion that usually follows these thoughts is rumination, imagining scenarios where these thoughts are correct and you have to defend yourself in court, for example. If you know somebody who experiences themes like these, please understand it is not a reflection of who they are as a person. They are experiencing intrusive, unwanted thoughts, and they need your support, not your judgement.

Now, let's get to Randy's theme - false memory/real event. False Memory OCD is when your brain literally imagines a scenario for you and tells you it's real, usually a very upsetting one, and dares you to prove it wrong. Real Event OCD is when you are feeling immense guilt or shame over a real event that happened in the past which you are now obsessing over, usually in regard to your own morality ("this happened, I'm a bad person, I can never improve, I am defined by this"). The compulsion to "ease" these themes is usually the same; combing through memories to double check every possible detail of this memory to check if it's real/to check if it's as bad as you remember.

Randy is experiencing a combination of these: a real event that has since become twisted in his mind. He DID cause Miss Beard to lose an eye, but she did not crawl towards him on her knees bleeding and screaming after the fact, as shown in the opening scene. There are other logical fallacies to how Randy remembers the event too; for example, he's the only kid in the classroom when he remembers it. This wasn't the case in reality, and he even says this later when he's gained some confidence throughout the movie. But, as previously touched upon before, OCD can rob you of your rationality.

So now you know what OCD is, and why I think Randy has it. How do I know so much about false memory/real event OCD? Well, because I had/have it. More on that later, but first, let's have a look at Randy's journey in The Passenger and some specific moments that signal OCD to me.

"Your name is Bradley Bradley?": Randy and Over-acceptance

OCD can rob you of your ability to trust yourself and your own decisions. In an extreme case, it could even stop you from standing up for yourself in the most basic of circumstances, for example, correcting someone for getting your name wrong. Randy spent a year at Burgers Burgers Burgers wearing the wrong name badge because he didn't want to correct his manager.

When Randy accidentally injured Miss Beard, the lesson he took from it was that nothing good would come from him speaking up for himself or from making his own choices. "The last time I let myself react the way I wanted to, I ruined a person's life". He has since taken this to an extreme degree, and I argue he is following OCD's orders on that one: "you can't correct someone if they get your name wrong or you'll end up ruining their life too".

When Randy's manager finds out he's been using the wrong name for him, he shrugs it off. When Benson finds out:

Benson was a little too busy preparing to berate a service worker to respond to this (justice for Marsha), but you can imagine the thought process here is, "you let us all call you the wrong name for a year?".

That does not seem rational, does it? But here's the thing: OCD doesn't let you be rational sometimes.

"What are you saying to me? What are you trying to say?": Randy and Irrationality

This is also related to over-acceptance; OCD robs Randy of the ability to think rationally. This is especially noticeable when Lisa is first brought up. Benson asks why Randy and Lisa broke up, and Randy says "her cat died".

Benson has a similar response to what ours likely is: what the hell????

Of course we know that someone's cat dying is not a reason to break up with their significant other (unless it's an Angela and Dwight situation, RIP Sprinkles), but Randy is so deep in OCD and over-acceptance that this IS logical to him. He does not trust himself to think of that situation as irrational. He probably thinks something like "oh, getting dumped because her pet died is probably normal". He doesn't even ask anyone else if it's normal, he's just accepted it as something that has happened to him and makes no effort to challenge or change it, because by OCD's rules, if he does what he wants to do and asks further questions, he's going to ruin someone's life. That's what happened last time, and we don't want to repeat what happened last time, do we?

Ergo, through over-acceptance and irrationality adopted through the presence of OCD, "we broke up because her cat died" becomes a completely logical life event in Randy's world. Can't question it, a bad thing will happen if you question it.

But Benson questions it! A lot! This will be important when discussing Benson's approach to ERP, but first, let's talk about OCD and responsibility.

The Shooting: Randy and Responsibility

Here's one of my least favourite parts about OCD: the way it assigns responsibility to you for everything bad that happens. I can't even read the news without my OCD blaming me for whatever the criminal of today's headlines did. Don't even get me started on YouTuber and influencer drama; my OCD loves accusing me of those guys' crimes!

My heart breaks so much for Randy during the shooting, especially on a rewatch: there is no way he's not blaming himself for what happened.

He's the one that spoke up and asked Chris to stop making him uncomfortable, and following a chain of events, Benson shot Chris and everyone in the restaurant except for Randy. This is never confirmed, but seeing Randy after it happens, all I can think is "oh God. He's blaming himself."

Randy says later that the only time he let himself react the way he wants to, he ruined a person's life. Randy has just let himself react the way he wanted to. Now three people are dead.

We are, of course, not in control of how others respond to our actions. Randy asked Chris to stop making him uncomfortable, he did not take a gun and shoot three people dead. That was Benson. But I really do think Randy sees himself as a little responsible here, and that breaks my heart. To him, his worst fear just came true, his OCD has been proven right: he can't speak up for himself or he ruins lives.

But here's the thing; exposing yourself to your worst fears is exactly how you overcome OCD. This is where Benson the weird, violent therapist comes in.

"Do you see what happens when you do nothing?": Benson and Exposure and Response Prevention

Benson might have the most "don't try this at home" method of this therapy I've ever encountered, but there's no denying he got the job done!

In order to recover from OCD, you have to do "exposures". You have to expose yourself to what you are afraid of in order to train OCD to stop using it to scare you. For example, if OCD has convinced you that you can't touch a certain object for fear of getting a disease from it that you then spread to your entire family and kill them all, the solution is to get your hands ALL OVER that object, and then not wash your hands. That's the "response prevention" part. Another "response" could be reassurance seeking; for example, if you touch the object and then immediately ask everyone if you look like you're getting sick. Reassurance seeking is very discouraged in OCD recovery, as is reassurance giving.

What Randy has to do to overcome his OCD theme is accept what happened, and not engage with rumination. Accept that it happened, but that the world kept going, and that nothing good is going to come from robbing himself of his own life because of something that happened in the past.

Extreme violence and several crimes aside, this is exactly what Benson does for Randy.

Randy, in his mind, began the chain of events that caused the shooting. Of course, this isn't the case; Benson was on the absolute brink and this is just what caused him to snap. But here's the thing: unintentionally, and in a very fucked up way, Benson exposed Randy to what he was afraid of. And prevented a response.

Randy spoke up for himself, and three people got shot. Lives are ruined, just like OCD always told him would happen. Benson doesn't immediately tell him why he's just shot three people - he doesn't offer reassurance. He lets Randy sit with the thought. Randy has no choice but to accept what has happened, whether it was his fault or not.

Here's an example of Benson straight up denying Randy the chance to seek reassurance. Consider the diner scene again:

Randy: What does this have to do with me? [subtext: "Would the shooting have happened if not for me?]

Benson: You mean why are you here right now? [subtext: "We're not doing reassurance right now. Here's what I actually think you need to hear."]

OCD was right, as far as Randy knows. Benson isn't disputing this. And yet, the world kept turning. Exposure number one.

You can already see Randy get a little bit of confidence after this event. In the car on the way to Benson's, Randy tells Benson that his mother had him repeat the 2nd grade, and when Benson gives him a speech about needing to stand up for himself, Randy says "I was only seven".

Randy has probably never spoken that way to anyone in his life, let alone someone he just saw commit a homicide. He has CERTAINLY never defended himself for past actions based on his young age at the time, either; he's spent most of his life torturing himself over something he did when he was seven. But suddenly, the irrational brutality of OCD is cracking a little, and he can see: he was only seven. In a fucked up way, being exposed to his worst fear via the shooting has allowed Randy to see through the haze of OCD, if only for a little while, and realise what everyone else can see: he was only a child. This confidence continues to grow throughout the movie, leading to a moment where Randy feels brave enough to approach Benson, who is waving a gun around in a state of despair and anguish, and manages to convince him not to fire it. This is very different from the Randy we saw at the beginning of the movie, and I argue it's through Benson's exposures that he got there.

Benson continues to put Randy in very high-stress situations, confronting Lisa and then going to visit Miss Beard, the source of his current and most debilitating OCD theme, and in reality this would not be an ideal way to deal with it. It's too much too soon (graded exposure is the way to go in reality), and if this was real life, Randy would probably end his day with Benson feeling much, much worse than he did before due to sheer overstimulation. But this is a movie, and we're with these characters for a day. In the course of that day, I argue we see a really good fictionalised version of OCD recovery.

The way Benson reacts to Randy throughout the movie is really interesting to me. He not only challenges Randy's OCD-influenced thoughts in a way Randy has never allowed himself to ("what, she said 'I can't date you because my cat died?'"), but often finds a middle ground between reassurance and agreeing with OCD. For example, Benson often reacts with laughter when given details on Randy's "2nd grade incident". This may not be the most sensitive or ideal middle ground (and other Tumblr users have argued given Benson's own experiences when he was around Randy's age, he's laughing more in relief than dismissal), but it is certainly a middle ground. Plus, when Randy's OCD sees Benson responding to Randy's worst ever deed with laughter, resembling joy, OCD may be inspired to leave Randy alone a little regarding haunting flashbacks to a twisted version of what actually happened. OCD doesn't expect that response, and that has the potential to reroute Randy's obsessive thought patterns.

And then, there's the actions Benson carries out to make Randy actually do exposures and prevent avoidance behaviours (Benson is, of course, mostly preventing Randy from avoiding exposures through the act of having a gun, but you know). Randy has been avoiding asking Lisa why she broke up with him, because OCD has convinced him he doesn't need a reason and that things are just allowed to happen to him. Benson makes Randy ask her. Randy is afraid to see Miss Beard again, for fear that she hates him and that he will find her with a ruined life. Benson facilitates their reunion, and Randy finds out that his OCD was lying to him. While Benson has gone about it in a hostage-situation kinda way, over the course of a day, Randy has done everything he's spent years being too afraid to do. Benson gave Randy fucked up ERP. Benson is his weird, violent therapist.

But, this isn't all. Benson gave Randy his weird version of help because he did not think Randy would ever be brave enough to stand up for himself against Benson. But he was.

Interlude: This Seems Not Very Straight

If you're somehow on Tumblr reading about The Passenger and don't know this, this movie is often interpreted as queer. And just to clear up my stance on that: yes. Of course it is.

"Oh but Randy says he's not gay!". Yeah, so did the guys from Brokeback Mountain. Means nothing to me. I'm Roland Barthes-ing this movie enough already, why WOULDN'T I be for making it gay?

source. if no one else got me, Kyle Gallner got me.

So, back to my mental illness!

"I was never in charge, Randy": Benson is a Passenger, Too

Here's a difficult truth: if you are constantly telling your friend that they have to stand up for themselves, and they need to be more assertive, once they learn those skills, they will 100% use them on you if you have mistreated them or others, and you have to be prepared for that. Benson was not.

Benson is probably the closest thing Randy has ever had to a meaningful relationship that wasn't a relative, and vice versa. Both characters become deeply important to each other throughout the film, but there's still a lot of toxicity there. Benson may be helping Randy do exposures, but he is also constantly punching him and ordering him around at gunpoint. Randy recognises this behaviour as not being right from the start, hence how terrified he looks in the beginning, but isn't about to visibly get mad at the guy holding the gun. (Though I will say, the moments where Randy allows himself a moment to fix Benson with a cold, hard "why are you doing this to me" glare are magical. He looks so mad. Little angry cat look.).

But Benson "creates a monster". Over the course of the movie, Randy's confidence grows little by little the more time he spends with Benson, the more time he spends confronting his past, and eventually that works against Benson. Randy calls the cops on him, and I urge you to pay attention to Randy's reaction after he does it.

Randy can't believe he's done it. Benson can't believe he did it; later, when he's looking for who called the cops, he doesn't even consider Randy, who was the only one that could have. It's just so unbelievable to him that Randy would do this; it does not line up with the person Randy was in the beginning of this movie.

Randy did it; he's finally brave enough to stand up for himself and make his own decisions. He doesn't want it to come at Benson's expense, and you can see that in this scene as well, and later when he calls out to Benson when the latter is headed out to face the cops. It's switching between joy and fear; the adrenaline that comes from doing what you're afraid to do as a person with OCD cannot be understated. The high is incredible, but the fear that comes with it is overwhelming. All of that is portrayed here.

And then Randy goes out and says, "Benson, I need to talk to you". Not "we need to talk". Randy prioritises himself and his needs. He's brave enough to do that now. And he says all sorts of things that Benson doesn't want to hear; "there's no point to what you're doing", and that for all Benson's talk about taking risks and standing up, he has barely left the town he grew up in all day, even though he has a very good reason to (Benson is currently on the lam). Randy has realised that perhaps Benson needs to practice what he preaches and do a little more of what he's afraid to do.

And Benson doesn't appreciate it at first. "Who the fuck are you to talk to me like this, after everything I've done for you?!" This is the first and most obvious response, "I helped you, you're not supposed to use that help against me! I'm in charge!"

And then, once it becomes clear that Randy used what he learned from Benson to drum up the courage to call the cops, the real response comes:

"I was never in charge, Randy."

The audience has very recently learned that Benson too suffered a terrible trauma as a child. It is not one that is as easily fixable as Randy's. It's damaged Benson too much, and Benson has known this whole time that he can't really fix it or himself. He damned himself with the shooting at the fast food restaurant. He snapped and can't go back. All he's known for sure is that he could help Randy. One last good deed.

Benson is a passenger, too. Benson was under the command of his own trauma this whole time, just like Randy. The difference was that Randy internalised his and punished himself, while Benson externalised his and he exploded like a grenade. Randy was maybe ten years and a few bad nights of sleep from doing something similar; Benson saw that and tried to stop it.

And that's the kicker: everyone is someone's passenger, even Benson was a passenger in the end. But in his own fucked up way, Benson broke the cycle: he fixed Randy. No matter what happens now, he went out having helped someone.

Benson is a weird, violent therapist. But he got results!

"Thanks, for... thank you": Life 'After' OCD

The reality is that with OCD, once it's done with one theme, it'll usually just move onto another. That's what happened to me; once I'd confronted my original false memory/real event, OCD just moved onto something else. But you know what? I was ready for it. And so was Randy.

No matter what way you swing it, you cannot deny that the life Randy has at the end of this movie likely would not have happened without Benson.

If you asked Randy at the beginning of this movie to play the eraser game with you, he probably would have thrown up on the spot just from the stress of you possibly knowing about what he'd done. And here he is, playing it with Miss Beard's daughter, someone he couldn't even imagine existed because having a daughter would have meant Miss Beard had a life after the incident, something he could never comprehend under OCD's spell. Randy tells his mother as he's leaving Miss Beard's house that he's going to get dinner with his friends. He has friends! They probably know his real name! Because he's brave enough to tell them!

And the thing is, you can see Randy appreciate this, and appreciate Benson. He hasn't forgotten Benson; the stuffed animals they made sit proudly among Miss Beard's daughter's playthings. Randy says 'thank you' to Miss Beard, for forgiving him and for allowing him the chance to move on, and I like to think the 'thank you' was also for Benson, too; Benson's methods may have been... unique, to say the least, but you can't deny the results!

Conclusion

I could not believe what I was seeing when I first saw The Passenger. There I was, in the dark depths of OCD, terrified to tell people about my false memory/real event themes for fear of being shunned and rejected or (because OCD likes to get irrational) imprisoned. But then I saw this movie, I saw this character, in the depths just like I was. And I'd never seen anything like it before. I couldn't stop crying. Someone made an OCD recovery movie. With queer undertones, no less! I was being well fed indeed!

And then, Benson reached over and wiped a tear from Randy's cheek and gently told him that he shouldn't be punishing himself for what happened. And then I thought, should I still be punishing myself? I got therapy. And I confessed my own false memory/real event to my therapist. And she didn't call the cops. She didn't yell obscenities at me. She comforted me. She taught me how to heal, and how to live. Without punching me in the stomach outside an elementary school! Didn't know OCD therapists could do that!

I interpret this movie as fucked up ERP. Like, really fucked up ERP. Violence and murder and abusive boyfriends ERP. But, this is the movie that helped me get the help I need. I wouldn't change a thing about it. Someone made it in a lab for me, and I'm so, so grateful. My weird little mentally ill gay movie. I cannot thank it enough.

And I cannot thank you enough for reading this!

#the passenger #the passenger 2023 #ocd #ocd rant #randy bradley #benson the passenger #my god this took so long #my hands hurt #but i needed it out my brain #and somewhere else #now it's maybe on your dash!!#hi!! hope you enjoy!!! or tell me why you hate it and why I should die lol #okay bye i gotta go sleep #maybe. idk. we'll see #own post #scene analysis

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