#this was pretty lengthy but i hope this helps you get to know these kids better

[e-hv]

Up

Alanna Kennedy x Child!Reader

Summary: Your adoption process

Alanna first encountered you at the orphanage, where she had been engaging with the older kids who were avid fans of women's football. As she finished her conversation with them and prepared to leave, she noticed you on the floor, gazing up at her with a curious expression.

"Hi, up please," you said, your voice soft but determined.

Alanna stared at you in confusion, you thought she didn’t hear what you say so you repeated it,

“Up, please.” She finally realized you wanted her to carry you.

Alanna couldn't help but smile at your innocence and straightforwardness. Gently scooping you up into her arms, she marveled at how small and delicate you felt against her.

"Well, hello there, little one," Alanna said softly, her heart melting at the sight of your wide-eyed curiosity. "What's your name?"

You looked up at her with a mischievous twinkle in your eyes, as if contemplating whether to share your name or keep it a secret. After a moment of thought, you finally decided to divulge it.

"I'm Y/N," you declared proudly, your tiny voice filled with determination.

Alanna chuckled at your adorable confidence, finding it endearing how you seemed unbothered by the presence of a stranger. She couldn't help but admire your bravery, even at such a young age.

"Well, Y/N, it's very nice to meet you," Alanna said warmly, adjusting you in her arms as she made her way towards the nearest couch. She settled down with you nestled against her, feeling a surge of protectiveness washing over her.

"Do you know how long you’re gonna be here, sweetheart?" Alanna asked softly, her heart aching at the thought of such a young child being in an orphanage.

You shrugged your tiny shoulders, your innocent eyes searching hers. "Don't know... But you're nice," you said simply, wrapping your arms around her neck in a hug.

Alanna's heart melted at your words, feeling a rush of protectiveness wash over her. "Thank you, sweetheart. You're pretty nice yourself," she murmured, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead.

As she sat there with you, Alanna couldn't help but feel a sense of warmth spreading through her heart. Despite the uncertainties of the world, in this moment, she found comfort in the innocence and pure joy radiating from you

Alanna knew she wanted to be a part of your life, at that moment she saw the director of the orphonage, and asked her if you anyone was in the process of adopting you. The director said, that there weren’t. So she asked if she could try to.

The director of the orphanage looked at Alanna with surprise and a hint of skepticism. "Are you sure about this, Alanna? Adopting a child is a big commitment."

Alanna glanced down at you, peacefully sleeping in her arms, a sense of determination filling her heart. "I'm sure. I want to give Y/N a chance at a loving home."

The director nodded, impressed by Alanna's sincerity. "Very well. I'll start the paperwork and get the process going. But remember, it can be a lengthy process."

"I understand," Alanna replied with a nod, gently stroking your hair as she watched you sleep.

As the weeks went by, Alanna visited you every Sunday without fail. She would spend hours playing with you, reading to you, and simply enjoying your company. Each visit only strengthened her resolve to give you a forever home.

During one of her visits, you tugged at Alanna's hand, looking up at her with hopeful eyes. "Are you gonna be my mommy?"

Alanna's heart skipped a beat at your innocent question. She knelt down to your level, wrapping you in a warm embrace. "I want to be, sweetheart. I'm doing everything I can to make it happen."

Your face lit up with a radiant smile, filling Alanna's heart with joy. "Yay! I want you to be my mommy," you exclaimed, hugging her tightly.

Tears welled up in Alanna's eyes as she held you close, overwhelmed by the love she already felt for you. "I want that too, Y/N. More than anything."

Finally, after what felt like an eternity of waiting, the day of the adoption hearing arrived. Alanna stood nervously in the courtroom, clutching your hand tightly as she awaited the judge's decision.

"Young lady, do you understand the responsibilities of adopting a child?" the judge asked, looking at Alanna with a stern expression.

"Yes, Your Honor," Alanna replied confidently, her gaze unwavering as she held your hand firmly.

"And do you promise to provide a loving and stable home for this child?"

"I do," Alanna said firmly, her voice filled with conviction.

The judge smiled warmly, looking at you with kindness. "And what about you, young one? Do you want her to be your mother?"

You nodded eagerly, a wide grin spreading across your face. "Yes, she's the best mommy ever!"

The judge's smile widened as she banged her gavel. "Then it's settled. Congratulations, Alanna Kennedy, you are now the legal parent of Y/N."

Tears of joy streamed down Alanna's cheeks as she scooped you up into her arms, holding you tightly against her chest. "I love you so much, Y/N. I’m officially your mommy now."

Notes:

This is kinda my first time writing a kid fic so if you have any feedback it's greatly appreciated .

[lostdrarryfics]

lostdrarryfics monthly roundup! February 2024

Below you will find the requests we could not locate in the month of February. Please let us know if you recognize any!

You can also browse our lengthy lost fic masterlist, where we have compiled every request we have been unable to find over the past few years. We're always hoping someone will recognize a fic so we can let the asker know what it was!

1. looking for a fic that came out maybe between 2003-2009 on fanfiction.net. In it, Sirius and Remus are alive and dating, and they are Harry’s gay godfathers. They might give Harry a makeover. Harry and Draco fall in love, and I think that they’re still at school. Lucius and Voldemort are dating at Malfoy Manor and one of them has a thing for purses. Lucius swishes his hair a lot.

2. fic on ao3. It was a pre war drarry. Draco-centric where he befriended harry. I think it was time travel fix it, but im not very sure. Lucius and draco are arguing about Draco’s behavior and lucius smacks draco in the face. his ring cuts dracos cheek and he bleeds. Both him, narcissa, and draco are shocked over this since its not like lucius to hit draco. Narcissa yells at lucius and then tries to talk with draco in his room. Im pretty sure draco ran off to 12 grimmauld place after that and sirius and harry where there when he arrived. I think he arrives at hogwarts train with a bandage in his face. pretty sure draco was the one to get sirius out of Azkaban early

Found! 3. I read this fic a pretty long time ago, at least 5 years and I've been looking everywhere for it but can't find it. I think it was on ao3, eighth year, where Harry gets turned into a kid (around 7years maybe? Definitely under 10) and McGonagle makes Draco take care of him. Harry has big scars on his back from the Dursleys and they cause him to have seizures (? Or something like spasms maybe that are painful) fic is not The Dragon and The Golden Baby by jolly_love

Found! 4. looking for a fic I read in the past couple months on Ao3 where Harry has a menial job at Gringotts as a form of repayment. He knows his goblin co-workers pretty well but he’s not allowed to do any important work. He and Draco are tasked with opening a box that hold’s a witch’s will and the key turns out be a pendant his goblin boss is wearing and it’s revealed that he and the witch had a relationship. It was not part of a larger series and it was probably under 15k words. fic is not Reparations by Lomonaaeren

5. it’s years post war and Harry has been an auror abroad. I think maybe France? But he comes back for a case and is surprised to be working with Draco. Then he learns Draco is friends with all his friends, especially Luna and Neville. There’s a scene where Luna asks him to model for her cuz her model dropped out last min and Harry loses his mind over the photo the next day.

6. slowburn drarry fic! unfortunately all I remember is that Draco had been sorted into a house other than Slytherin, and Hermione often helped him with his anxiety being around crowds

7. Draco asked harry what would happen if the aurors come to take him to Azkaban for the use of his wand, and Harry answers that he would kill them all and them do it with Draco right there, I know that harry was morally grey but not dark harry

Found! 8. It’s an eventual Tom/Draco/Harry story. Good dark side. Harry ends up kidnapped/captive and they realise he is abused and start taking care of him. He is kept in a hotel in France I think. Dumbledore gets him back and uses a ritual to turn him into a puppet. Ginny and hermione support this. Ron eventually regrets and helps Draco let the Death Eaters into Hogwarts. They reverse the ritual on Harry. Dark side wins.

Found! 9. I don’t know which year, but it’s one of the fanfictions where Harry is the Heir to like 8 different families, and Narcissa teaches him etiquette. The thing that is stuck in my head is that he uses a special knot for his tie, which represents all the families. I think he was actually introduced to the Wizengamot and voting on stuff, but I might mix that up with other similar fanfictions. fic is not Birth of the Serpent King by Keira Marcos

10. post-war fic I read on Ao3 probably in 2021 or 2022. All I remember is that Harry accidentally travels through time and wants to again (for Draco obvs) but Hermione says even his small trip caused big changes and now there's this thing called Brexit.

[justalia]

Hello Alia!

I must express my admiration for your work here on social media. I like the way you are direct with conscious creation. You simplify everything to make it easy to understand! I'm seeking guidance in my situation because I don’t know what to do, or if I should even take action. I like how you come across things, so In asking for advice in here. This might be a bit lengthy, I apologize in advance.

How can I reset my manifesting journey?

I've been into manifesting since middle school, and now I’m in college. Most of my life, I’ve desired a life I could achieve most of the time. In middle school/high school, I wanted to be popular and admired (I was an insecure weird kid) and tried absurd methods like “writing letters to the Universe to get your SP” and things like that. Obviously, I didn’t achieve anything. When it came to partners, I became fixated, creating scenarios in my head to materialize (to get) things in my life

Of course, I spent years, YEARS, trying to obtain things. Not one thing specifically , it was me chasing the perfect idea of how my life should look like. Throughout those years, I discovered many manifestation teachers; Neville, Edward, etc., but none led me to a stable point, because I had this pattern of overconsumption and obsession.

I think it's pretty embarrassing to admit that I spent a lot of time in my teenage years desiring a life that I couldn’t have. I was always lost in my own mind. I was nothing. I yearned to be loved. I was imagining and hoping but nothing changed

It was a cycle of terrible punishment to myself because I couldn’t materialize what I wanted. I fell into a state of limerence and, for my own mental well-being, I sort of gave up trying to get things.

My life became normal, but deep down, a part of me desired that successful, wealthy, and fulfilled life. I've tried to return to this journey, but it seems like I'm so burned out that it isn’t (somehow) available to me anymore. It's like a blockage. I think I resent myself for putting myself through this.

I know manifesting works; there have been times in my life where I’ve imagined things and they just appeared, but it was never the things I wanted.

I'm crying while typing this because, sincerely: this makes me feel so pathetic. Tons of material, tons of information, and applied incorrectly causing a mental burnout for me. I know that I should apply it, but my brain doesn't let me. (I hope I'm explaining myself well) I'm really afraid that if I try to manifest something, I'll fall into this state of limerence and madness. When I say I'm burned out, I'm burned out. Every time I think about this topic, my head hurts. I seem to know everything about this but nothing.

The main problem is that sort of, this way of hoping trying to get things it’s so engraved in my mind that I can’t seem to even start to “manifest” small things without feeling like I’m manifesting them. I know you become one in imagination, but how can I make my brain understand this? 😔

What should I do? How can I reset? If not, what is the best that I can do?

Have a good day. Keep doing what you do. And thank u anyway.

hi!

i couldn’t leave this ask unanswered so i’m gonna try my best.

first of all thank you so much for your kind words and i’m glad you could find my words helpful and knowledgeable.

i really understand where you are coming from and my greatest advice would be to drop all the knowledge you have on this and look into non dualism. i advice you do it only when you feel like you can go into it with a completely open mind and without any expectations so that you can find yourself. the real Self.

non dualism has been for me a way of understanding the way the “world” actually operates better and look at “manifestation” in a completely different way.

when it comes to how you’re feeling regarding your journey i’d like to give you this insight: that was never you. the character you’ve built has been through so many trials and tribulations and it feels “pathetic” for that. that was never you. believe me when i tell you this. all the labels you put on yourself are simply that: labels.

find your true self, stop manifesting anything and realize who you are. really realize it and feel the peace coming with this realization.

let me add this: the thing you think you have to free yourself from never really happened.

[semiweirdshipper]

Hello, I have been following your work for a long time, and every time I read your fan fiction with a sinking heart. The way you convey emotions, feelings, character of the characters is just perfect! And I have read your "My Saddest Journey" more than five times.

I would like to ask, if it's not difficult for you, to write some Headcannons on this fan fiction.

I'm not insisting, sorry in advance for the trouble, I'm just a little in love ❤️

Hi murmiss. I would like to say, first, that I am sorry for denying your request in the beginning. "My Saddest Journey" is a very sensitive topic for me and when I'm asked about it I tend to get emotional. But! I decided to go ahead and provide you with some headcanons. I hope they satisfy you.

...

First: How do Frank, Ji-woon and Danny feel after everything that happened?

Well they all feel differently. Ji-woon is mostly in the fog and doesn't think much about it. Frank is pouty and very grudgemental towards the reader for a number of reasons, and he may stand to cause some unfortunate trouble in the future. As for Danny- oh, Danny. After seeing how bad the reader has it- and after having a private, sneaky conversation with them- he develops an attraction towards them, a desire to protect them and claim them as his own. But too bad! The reader doesn't like him. Can he fix that though? We'll see.

...

How does papa Evan feel?

After seeing just how bad the reader is effected, Evan asks Freddy to share what memories of theirs he witnessed, and he realizes a few things. (Plus Herman gave him a very lengthy lecture about how he would wrestle him if he was mean to the reader again). Evan will want to right his wrongs and get to know the reader better.

But do you know how difficult that will be? The reader does not trust him at all. In fact they're so scared to go around him that they more or less entice the Dredge to show up thus causing more bad memories and chaos. Evan is going to have to approach this reader as if they were an abused cat. (Gentle Evan is the best Evan). Once he can get them to talk and share their similarities, there will be fluff and comfort.

...

The reader opens up faster to the father figures than they do the love interests. This is meant to be practical and funny, but also an indicator of their trauma. Let's use Herman for example because he's head over heels for the reader, and he really is trying his hardest to charm them, but all he gets is polite, cold shoulders in response. And then there's Evan and all he has to do is pat their head and they instantly melt into his arms. Screw you Evan! Kidding, we love our papa bear.

...

The introduction of Wesker. This will happen much later on but it will be big. Not only will we get to see a completely different side of the reader, but so will Wesker who pretty much gets his arse beat during a trial with them. He's obviously interested after that and wants to learn more about them. The reader picks up on his naughty energy and politely tells him off, but Wesker relents until the reader more or less snaps and humiliates him. "Look, I don't find you attractive, ok? Now please leave me alone. You are making me uncomfortable."

Sucks to be you, Wesker. Can you see Herman smirking in the background? Oh yes you can. Don't worry though, he's not finished. Wesker always gets what he wants. Right?

...

Micheal being an overprotective, possessive goof. After learning just how sweet, modest and caring this reader is, he can't help but to stake his claim. "Go away. This is MY traumatized hooman. Get your own." Oh Michael... But Michael's kindness and gentility will help the reader relax and open up in many ways.

...

Ok, this headcanon is one I'm not quite sure if I'll use or not, but I thought it was funny so I'll go ahead and share. It's called the "lift" experiment. Basically the killers want to see if carrying the sad survivors will keep the Dredge away. For example, Michael holding the reader bridal style in his arms for an hour.

This idea is meant to be purely silly, but it could also help the reader open up to touch. Like a trust exercise. I was going to use the biggest boys for it, and some of them fight over who can carry the reader because the reader is modest, quiet and sweet and won't cause them trouble. Who will get to them first, you know? Lol, it's just a silly thought. You guys can tell me if it's worth writing.

...

Then we have Jeffrey and Caleb who will be the group that the reader is officially placed in next. And those two will be the ultimate father figures. Lots and lots and lots of fluff. Jeffrey also knows which other killers' like the reader romantically and purposely makes them jealous by openly cuddling the reader in public or giving them kisses on their forehead and stuff like that. Let's not forget how insanely protective these two killers are. Eeeek! I can't wait to write them, but it's honestly going to be a while and I'm very slow updating that story.

...

There's some headcanons. I hope you enjoyed. Again I apologize for being sensitive. I hope you're doing well and have an amazing day ❤️

[gothamgothic]

who's your favorite batfam boy and why is it red hood (I'm kidding but fr who is it??)

This is a genuinely difficult question. I like all of them for very different reasons. Prepare for a LENGTHY reply.

First of all, does red hood count as batfam? He is a crime lord for sure - and maybe a vigilante too? (The media seems so confused on the matter.)

I’m a big fan of the work he is doing to better the more dangerous districts in the city. It doesn’t go unnoticed, even if people won’t openly say that he is a part of that.

Signal is great. His patrols line up with my class schedule pretty well, so I see him out and about more often than the rest of the batboys. Always so friendly, will wave if you say hi.

Red robin - I’m so sorry if you see this man - I’m sure you are awesome too, but I know so little about you. Your time as Robin was before I came to Gotham, so I didn’t get to see how you have improved.

I will say- you handled me really well. I appreciate that you tried to not corner me when I was on fear gas. I really hope there isn’t any hurt feelings there.

Robin... He scares the crud out of me, both in the “I’m concerned for your safety” way and in the “you could easily slit my throat” way. As long as he is able to do vigilante work safely - I can’t fault him.

I can’t exactly count nightwing- because he is Bludhaven’s vigilante, not Gothams. I know it was never really announced - but I’m pretty sure he was the one of the first two Robins, and I remember my friends and I dressing up as the first Robin when we were really little for Halloween. It’s a treat when he comes to town.

…

I met the second Robin once when Batman visited Central City when I was a kid.

We were at the park for a drama club rehearsals, and he helped us run lines while Batman and Flash talked. He was just so nice, and felt like, even if he were a vigilante, he was also a kid. It sounds silly - but it is so important.

And then he just… disappeared.

… he was (and probably will always be) my favorite of the batboys.

[dominickeating-source]

Dominic Keating Forum - Post Archive Messages (2001-2005)

10/31/2001 I've been checking in to read all your wonderful messages and cannot express enough how flattered and utterly bowled over I am by all your kind words and attention. There isn't an actor, dead or alive, who doesn't worry whether or not they're nice to look at or whether their performance is any good, so to all of you who have taken the time to write in either to appreciate my acting ability or just the shape of my butt...I am eternally in your debt. Keep 'em comin' and tell a friend! I love you all, Dominic

11/07/2001 In answer to some important questions- So, it's official is it? I'm a Sex Symbol....Aaaah, at last! Tell that to my bank manager. And now, food. I  have to say that my Mum's Roast Beef and Yorkshire Pudding on Sunday is as good as it gets, which brings me swiftly to my favorite moment on the show coming to your screens shortly when my character, Malcolm Reed, gets into a hellish food fight in the mess hall with T'Pol and Hoshi resulting in a lengthy "de-con" scene which took two days to shoot....Hey, a man can dream! Love you guys, Dominic

11/17/2001 Once again, a big "Thankyou" to all of you who are posting. Not only is it great fun for me to read when I get the chance but it's also very rewarding and educational, if you will, to hear all your thoughts and opinions about the show. It's still very much in its formative stage and so all imput is helpful and very much apart of my learning curve. HOWEVER...I think it's just TOO rude of whoever(not to mention any names....you know who you are) to notice other mens' winning smiles(ie:Anthony Montgomery's) on MY message board...!!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. The Webmaster has been instructed to seek ALL offenders out and line them up for a private spanking at a location to be disclosed at a later date. Incidentally, I am very chuffed that some of you have obviously seen quite a bit of my work before Enterprise. So, maybe I'll see some of you in the Lone Star state...don't be shy. All my best. Dominic

12/03/2001 Hi You Fabulous Guys! Sorry not to have acknowledged all your listings sooner but things got very busy for Malcolm on board the Enterprise. So that's good news. Sadly you'll have to wait 'till the New Year to see quite a bit more of him but at last it would seem that the powers that be are turning around and taking a closer look at the enigmatic Brit. As an actor it's been a joy and very rewarding. I love going to work. I am truly blessed and very grateful. And not least for all your fantastic support and praise for the job I am fortunate enough to be doing. Inspite of the fact that my character was not getting much of the spotlight initially you still noticed the performance and that was very, very encouraging. Especially at the beginning of such an epic journey...for me not Malcolm that is! So, thankyou all and if I don't get to post before...have a wonderfully Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Peace and Love. Dominic

12/18/2001 Thankyou to my wonderful Webmaster and all of you who contributed to the extraordinary "dossier" of Christmas Greetings. It arrived at work this afternoon and I was blown away reading all your heartfelt messages of Yuletide Cheer waitiing for Scott Bacula to come out of his trailer. Just kidding, Scott!!I'm off to London on Thursday to see my dear Mum and do some press for the launch of the show in Blighty. Back on the fourth of Jan...Be well 'till then and don't forget to leave a little something out for Santa. HoHoHo...

01/10/2002 Hoping that this year is at least as good for everyone of you as the last was for me! I just got back from the UK where I was promoting the launch of the show there, and spending some time with my family and friends. My Godson is nearly ten and I wish all of you could have seen his little face when he ripped the Christmas wrapping paper off the first official NX-01 cap to reach their shores. The reaction to the show seemed pretty good although I had to fly back to the States before its opening night, so if anyone in England(that means you Leicester Girl!)has any info then feel free to share. Good notices only please!! And by the way, a big thankyou to all of you who replied to the journalist from my home town. My Mum read the article to me over the phone a couple of days ago...I can't tell you all how proud you made her feel. As you know the new episodes will be starting soon and if my memory serves me there's some nice stuff coming up for your friend and mine so stay tuned and tell a friend! Happy New Year Everybody. Ever my best. Dominic

02/07/2002 Hi Guys...For some crazy reason my computer jammed and I was unable to access my board for a couple of weeks. But it's fine now and it was just fab to read all your praises especially about Sleeping Dogs. I really liked the episode too and thought I managed to hold my own in the decon scene! Now that's what I call drama! I particularly liked the fact that Hoshi and Reed get Starfleet regulation issue scivvies while T'Pol has hers sent to the ship direct from Victoria's "Vulcan" Secret!! It's all just a bit of fun. Life has been v. busy and rewarding and I can hardly believe that we're almost at the end of the first season. It has skipped by. So, make sure you look out for next weeks' ep...it's a good one(Feb 13). According to Rick Berman he's never been more proud of one particular show. High praise indeed....let's see if it's warranted. Thanks again to one and all. I truly love reading your messages and receiving your best wishes. Right back you!

02/16/2002 Well, what can I say? You really are the best. Never in my wildest dreams would I have expected such praise, such warmth, such support for what I love to do. I am just so proud and moved that you were all so proud and moved. It's truly magical. I have read all your postings and am simply honoured that we touched your hearts and made you laugh quite as it would appear we did. It was a beautifully written episode, a joy to act, fabulously directed and skillfully photographed. As a collaborative experience it really doesn't get any better. Connor Trinneer is just the most generous and consumately talented actor I've had the good fortune to risk going "all out" with and I can only hope we get to do it again. Thank you all for your kind, kind words. It means the world to me.

02/28/2002 Thanks so much for showing up on Sunday...it was a thrill to meet some of you in the flesh. And thanks to all of you who sent word thru the "e-mail brochure". It really means alot to me. Sorry this is  so brief...work schedule is gruelling this week. All love 'till later. Dominic

04/24/2002 Hi Guys...It's been too long . What a hectic time this has been. The end of the season, the rap party, conventions and moving into my new house!! I can't tell you how exciting that whole trip has been but here I sit in "my study" tapping this message to Y'all. Thank you guys...without you none of it would be so. No sooner do I finally have a few moments to myself than I'm off to Europe to do the  con in Germany and then spend a little time with me dear ol' Mum in Leicester. Then back to Cali and thankfully back to work. In fact I heard just this afternoon that my contract had been officially renewed by Paramount. My manager was delighted...and although I suppose there was perhaps little doubt as to whether we would or not it's always a moment when the word is verified in writing. So, onward and upward...but before the second season kicks off I would like to take this opportunity to really thank each and every one of you for your remarkable support and insight into the creation of Malcolm Reed. Believe me when I tell you that it truly has been a team effort and you all played your part...rather well I might add!! From the bottom of my heart I thank you. Much Love. Dominic

10/04/2002 Well, Hello everybody!! It has been too long...It's a long boring story about getting DSL and not being able to access my AOL thereafter. Some of you out there probably can sympathize. Several experts and one good friend later the problem is over and I log on to find everything is different. Different format, different names, different peeps....Where have all my peeps gone? Where are you Nan? Where are you Dragoncait? Where are you My Laughing Muse? Not to say I don't appreciate all the newer Peeps. Always glad to welcome the newly converted! So, anyway, I wanted to say sorry for being so far away and to add that I will try to check in more regularly. Hope you you are enjoying the new season....as you can see it's been a pretty busy start for Malcolm. We're both well and having fun. All love, Dominic

12/18/2002 Thank you & Happy Holidays! Hello everybody!! I want to thank all my Peeps for the wonderful contributions you made to the Holiday book for me! I am very touched and moved that you all would take time to send me your holiday wishes. It reassures me that I am pleasing all of you with my acting and tells me how much I am appreciated by each and every one of you. I can’t tell you how much of an honor that is to me. What a fantastic prezzy! I just found out that I was voted the 9th sexiest male in Star Trek, what an honor! My Peeps are the greatest for making sure that I was accounted for. Connor Trinneer came in #1, I sure would like to see what photos voters had to judge "sexiest" from. I wish all of you Happy Holidays and a great New Year. All love, Dominic

04/14/2003 Hello my dear Peeps.... It's been a long time yet again.... my apologies. Life has been hectic. It looks like I will not be in London attending the E-1 convention. How I will miss seeing all of you there! Perhaps there will be a convention next year. So, anyway, I wanted to say sorry yet again for being so far away and I wish I could say I would be checking in more regularly but life must settle a little first. Hope you enjoy the season finale.... get as many of your friends as you can to watch it so I can have even more Peeps! You are all so terrific; there should be millions of you! All love, Dominic

09/12/2003 It has been a long time since I last posted, my apologies. I have been busy with work since the hiatus. I hope you all were keen to the season opener. The show defiantly has a harder edge to it now. There are a lot more great episodes to come so keep watching! I was reading my fan mail and discovered that I won ‘Best Actor’ in the DKEB Awards and wanted to post a thank you to all of you that voted. My many thanks to everyone that has been submitting things to the website and the fan newsletter. Keep it up so that they both continue to be places where my fans can gather and enjoy each other. Many thanks to all of you for all of your support and love. All Love, Dominic

08/25/2005 Hello my loves, I love the new forums and have been reading your posts. My fans are the best. Although I am slightly jet lagged as I just got back in to town so pardon my sluggishness, I wanted to take a moment and say hello to all of you. I have grown the facial hair to play the part in Hollywood Kills. The character is called Francis Fenway. The synopsis, in a nutshell, is that I am playing a John Waters-esque character. A man who lures young Hollywood hopefuls into his casting area where he then entraps them and makes snuff movies out of them. It is a fun role. It’s going to look good. The director is a young German director, Sven Pape, who cut his teeth with James Cameron after leaving the AFI. He’s every thoughtful and has a good eye and had a lot of success with his last movie, LA Twister. We shot the first scene today and I can tell he is going to challenge me. I look forward to being challenged. It was very nice to see all the English fans over the past few months. Great to be home. I had a great time. I intend to travel back and forth now. I hope to start doing some acting in the UK as well. Life is good and I love you all, Dominic

[dragonjesterwrites]

It alright if I ask how Sun and Moon would cope with an absolute gremlin child reader who is not a gremlin in a "deserves time out way" but a "somehow sets up prank booby traps and sticks googly eyes in funny places while no one is watching" way, like mischievous gremlin rather than horrible hellspawn gremlin, like maybe they even messed with the light switch without anyone noticing because they didn't turn the light off, they kinda just glued googly eye on it to give it a face and it's only noticed when people go to turn the lights off for Naptime and they mess with Moon by making him look for them then he always finds them taking a nap with the other kids?

Like they weren't there before, it's like they just somehow just appeared there, sneaky mischievous gremlin child. Sorry I made this longer than I thought I would, I found the idea funny and tend to go into details when that happens, hope this idea makes you laugh like it did for me.

More gremlin child heck yeah lmao

How Sun/Moon would deal with a Gremlin Child!Y/N (Part 2)

☀️

Secretly, Sun finds harmless gremlin behavior pretty endearing- of course, he can't actually say that, because then you'd both get in trouble...

But that doesn't stop him slipping you one or two extra glitter glue bottles or packets of googly eyes at the crafts table.

Plus he's just so busy with everything going on, he totally missed you covering one of the ballpit balls with glue and throwing it at the desk! Whoopsie daisy!

That being said, booby traps are a bit too far, because getting the other kids covered in glitter is a no-no (tears and a lengthy clean-up is no fun for anybody!) You will find yourself in timeout for that one.

🌙

Moon is less inclined to hide his amusement at your antics, giggling as he watches you plaster glow in the dark stickers everywhere. It's funny.

He helps you channel your, ahem, "creative energy" sometimes. One night, he had you help put all the other kids to sleep by (safely) carrying you while he's using the wire and letting you sprinkle a small amount of "sleepy dust" (glitter) over the others. It worked, the kids loved it, and there were no large incidents for him or Sun to clean up.

Moon is somewhat less amused when you straight up vanish- it gives him a pseudo-heart-attack each time- but you always show back up, either napping peacefully (he knows you were gone, you little rascal, you can't trick a robot) or looking up from your latest creation and smiling at him.

[justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms]

hi, can i ask for a romantic matchup for hsr, genshin, and bsd? thank you! this is quite lengthy, so please take your time as always! (if i didnt already send in an ask??? idk adhd stuff makes me lose attention)

i'm agender, but i can go by any pronouns. shel her is my default since i look like a girl. i'm aroace, but on the spectrum that i can fall in love but it'll be extremely difficult.

zodiac/mbti: virgo, intj, sx/sp

appearance: i'm pretty short, 5’5, fairly olive skintone and phoenix eyes. i have shoulder length black hair, slightly wavy, an oval face, and some sideswept bangs parted from the middle. i wear glasses, silver frames. my eyebrows are pretty thick. i look more cute-sque then anything.

likes and hobbies/interests: reading, writing, crocheting, taking walks, horse-riding, listening to music

dislikes: unhygienic things, people who make life harder for you by doing things like standing in front of a subway station's staircase, and a refusal to understand certain things

personality: i’m passionate and opinionated, individualistic, honest and wears my heart on my sleeve. outwardly and inwardly, i’m very contemplative and reflective, so it tends to give me a more quiet aura and first impressions. sometimes im too stuck in my head. i’m also very levelheaded. realistic, but also very optimistic with it. i’m very considerate of others, but sometimes i open my mouth before i finish thinking. i do acts of service and physical touch, and i try to push myself and others to be healthier people with their permission. im not pushy with serious topics. im the type of person who always gets their jokes taken seriously over text. i give good advice (which i say, because they mainly work out in positive ways) and me and my friends joke around a lot.

thanks again!

Hi! Thank you for your request! Sorry it took a while! I hope you like your matchups!

In Honkai Star Rail, I match you with...

Welt loves listening to music with you. He finds both the tunes and your presence soothing. He can be encouraged to dance with you, but only to slow songs. He’s not really up for dancing to anything too fast or upbeat.

He admires your honesty and your tendency to wear your heart on your sleeve. He will always do his best to make sure he doesn’t hurt you. The last thing he wants is for you to feel betrayed in any way.

Welt is surprisingly good at helping you get out of your head. No one’s quite sure how he does it but whenever you’re feeling stuck in a loop, he’s there to help you out.

Your tendency to speak before you think is nothing unusual for him. Now, he’s just got another person like March to be around…

In Genshin Impact, I match you with...

Ayato would love horse-riding with you. I see him as someone who knows how to handle a horse and is surprisingly good at it.

His favourite moments are when you’re out riding together and there’s a soft breeze. It’s relaxing. He loves being able to get away from his duties and spend time with you.

Goes to you whenever he needs advice. He’s used to dealing with things on his own, but now that he has you, he wants your opinion on big decisions.

Please ask his anytime you need advice as well! He’s had years of practice picking the right choices so he’s very good at giving sound advice as well.

If you crochet anything for him, he will treasure it forever. His favourite thing would be a blanket since he could wrap himself up in it when he has to work late. It’s a little reminder of you.

In Bungo Stray Dogs, I match you with...

You and Atsushi would very rarely have fights. You’re both very honest and open people so any problems you have would be solved quickly and easily.

You’re also both level headed which everyone at the agency appreciates greatly. The last thing anyone needs is another people jumping into every possible argument or fight they see.

I think Atsushi would also fall in love very easily. He didn’t really get a lot of love as a kid so any affection means a lot to him.

Please teach him how to crochet! He would love to learn and he’ll make things for you to show his appreciation.

Astushi also loves reading and writing with you. He’d love to have dates where you both read the same book or you each write something for the other person and then gift it to them at the end.

[leebrontide]

Secondhand Origin Stories, Chapter 9

Here's this week's chapter! Reblogs welcome!

For those of you just joining us, I'm posting a chapter a week of my free near future scifi/low neon cyberpunk YA/NA novel, Secondhand Origin Stories, which has been described as

"-a character driven, compelling story full of family, queerness, corruption, brain altering nanites, secretly teen parenting AIs, and taking aspects of the superhero genre to their very human and rarely-explored natural conclusions."

For content warnings and more, check here:

You can follow along by following #SHOSweekly

Chapter 9

Martin’s voice in the elevator was enough to put Opal on edge again. The unexpectedly plush chairs of the clinic waiting room weren’t enough to fix it. The staff here all seemed so grim, somehow. And up this high, the sound of the storm blanketed every other noise with the static, as if it was keeping secrets in the constant shushes of rain and the grumbles of thunder.

She’d settled on calling her mom. Mom’s ridiculous sheep-patterned pajamas and her enthusiasm for Shani’s history project helped. Apparently Opal would be getting a lengthy account of it whenever she managed to reach Shani between summer sleepovers. 

“Everyone still treating you all right?”

Opal smiled, trying to get comfortable. “Aldis and the guys have been great. You got the pictures I sent you of the VIP suite? Oh! Did I tell you Capricorn said he thinks I have grit? And Helix agreed with him.” She couldn’t mention the rest of it-- not here, at least. She couldn’t make up her mind what she really should say. 

“Oh, baby, I’m so proud of you. Are they as handsome in person as on TV?”

Opal laughed. “Mom. They’re all like, 40 and up.”

“And that might as well be a hundred to an 18-year-old. Yeah, yeah.”

“Hey, have you--” 

“I still haven’t heard from your dad. I promise I’ll let you know the minute I do. But you know how this goes. Any little thing.” And they’d revoke his phone “privileges.” It’d been months, once or twice before. Then he’d reappear, looking a little older, a little less steady, chastising Opal for having worried. She hadn’t gotten any letters, either. It was never good when he couldn’t even send letters. But she’d sent hers. She hoped he got them. 

She glanced up as a familiar figure ghosted through the edge of Opal’s line of sight. “Jamie?” Jamie turned, looking haunted. “Hey, Mom. I’m sorry, but I’ll call you later, OK?” 

Martin had said there was a family emergency. If Jamie was down here, it must be a bad one. 

Jamie was, impossibly, paler than usual. She seemed almost blue. Her posture was hunched, as if she was expecting to have to bolt at any second, with her elbows pulled in tight against her body. She also seemed to be by herself. “Hey, are you OK?”

“I’m trying to find Issac’s doctor, but they just keep telling me to go wait with…I need to tell them what happened with Issac. I’m the only one who was there.”

A nice, straightforward request. Opal stood, flagging down the nearest medical professional who didn’t seem to be rushing. She put on her most professional tone. “Excuse me. Ms. Tillman-Voss needs to speak with the treating physician for Issac Tillman-Voss right away. She has important information relevant to his condition she needs to share.” Hanging around Mom’s job when she was little had given her a few tricks, at least.

The woman nodded, and led them to a nurse’s station before disappearing to find the doctor. 

“Ms. Tillman-Voss?” Jamie asked under her breath. “I think they think you’re my bodyguard now.”

Bodyguard? She’d been going for PR intern. “Whatever works,” she muttered back. 

Jamie’s smile was tiny and wobbly. “You do look really grown-up in that.”

“You look like you’re going to faint. You’re not, are you? My mom’s a nurse, but I am very much not.”

“No. I need to talk to the doctor.”

“Are you going to faint after that?”

“I hope not. They won’t treat me here. I’m not altered.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure if LodeStar’s kid faints in their waiting room, they’ll pull something together.”

Jamie muttered under her breath, “Not sure he’d care.”

That didn’t sound good. The doctor showed up before Opal could ask, and then she was too busy keeping up with the story Jamie was telling. Every bit of which sounded 100% illegal. By the end of it, Jamie’s voice was painful to even listen to, it was so high-pitched and breathless, but Jamie pushed through. She even brought them a copy of a thesis Issac had written on the subject. It’d be impressive if it wasn’t so horrifying. Brain-changing nanites? You didn’t have to try to think of all the ways that could be misused.

The doctor rushed off as soon as Jamie was done. 

Opal was hit with more doubt than she’d ever had before. What and who had she gotten mixed up with? OK, the Sentinels as a family struggling to cope, she could understand. But a family that attempted to cope by developing more and scarier technology, and testing it on themselves in secret?

Then again, that was how Bion had started. But that was back before altering tech laws had been around. Issac must have known what he was doing was illegal. He should even know why it needed to be illegal. His family took down people conducting illegal alterations all the time. 

But maybe those rules didn’t apply to their son.

She shivered. Exactly how many rules didn’t apply to them?

Jamie didn’t notice Opal’s existential crisis. She was staring down the hallway towards the handful of private waiting rooms like she was expecting a firing squad. She took a tiny, unconscious step backwards, towards Opal. 

And all Opal could remember was Jamie’s comment that nobody would even notice another couple of bruises on her. All three of the kids seemed incredibly isolated. How many laws could the Sentinels get out of?

Opal put a hand on Jamie’s shoulder. Leaned in to ask quietly, “Are you OK?”

Jamie didn’t look at her. But she pressed her lips so tight they almost vanished. Her eyes were pink. She shook her head, still staring down the hall. 

Maybe it was nothing. Jamie’d had a terrible morning by anyone’s standards. 

Maybe it wasn’t nothing. 

Jamie started, looking at Opal. “My dad! He needs a doctor, too. If he’s in the waiting room, then they must not know. His collarbone’s broken.”

“What? How did that happen?”

“Yael.” Jamie said, flinching as she realized too late that that was bound to beg questions. “There was a-- xe was afraid he-- but that doesn’t matter. He needs a doctor!”

This time it was even easier to get someone’s attention, but Jamie was a lot lighter on the details. She didn’t even mention Yael. Whatever had happened, she was less likely to explain it than she was Issac’s breach of international laws. Nobody pressed her for more details. Doctors rushed to help the injured superhero, and Opal and Jamie stayed put.

Neil Voss passed by a few minutes later, escorted by a nervous-looking medical person and Capricorn. Capricorn looked grim, and had a hand on LodeStar’s arm. LodeStar ignored Opal completely, his attention stitched tightly to his daughter as he passed. Neither of them said anything to the other. 

Jamie watched him with her own intensity, and a disquieting stillness. LodeStar looked half possessed. His eyes burned blood-red where the whites should have been. His steps were unsteady and slow, but the muscles in his shoulders were coiled, prepared to strike, his hands working themselves into huge metallic fists. Flexing again. Stretching, as if he was imagining grabbing something. Opal had never seen anyone more terrifying in her life. 

He was cordoned off in another room after what felt like an eternity. The two of them both exhaled at the same time. 

Oh God. Opal was in a Gothic novel. And the head of the house was as powerful and utterly unhinged as any she’d ever read. And she’d spent the last...more than two weeks now, trying to move into his house, work under his orders? This was not going to work. She could never trust the orders of someone like that. She could never hurt or arrest anyone on his say-so. She didn’t even want to be in the same room with him.

She’d go home. Go back to Detroit. Save up, and try another team, later. They couldn’t all be like him, could they?

Jamie sat suddenly, barely catching a chair instead of landing on the floor. She was struggling to catch her breath.

Shit. None of the doctors had even looked at Jamie. No one was going to check in on what was happening in LodeStar’s home. What made Jamie look like that? What drove her brother to experiment on himself, rather than have something he might see as a vulnerability in that household?

Opal reached for the only failsafe she could think of close by. “Hey, maybe we should go find your mom?”

Jamie cringed, but nodded, dragging herself back upright. Opal followed close behind, hoping to find some kind of resolution.

* * *

Issac drifted in and out of consciousness several times. Reality had turned slippery, and even awake, he couldn’t seem to grasp hold of it. This time, when he woke, the ground under him felt a little more solid. Time felt a little more linear. 

He kept his eyes closed, trying to shut out reality. Trying not to notice what he couldn’t detect. He tried to focus inward. His mouth and tongue hurt, as if he’d cut them. A seizure, he remembered. Someone had told him he’d had a seizure, one of the other times he’d been awake. He must have bitten himself. His mouth tasted like blood.

He shifted his attention again, but his body was no refuge. His pulse was speeding; his back hurt like hell. There was a needle in his arm. His torso was canted upwards. Another hospital bed. 

More missing monitor noise. 

His mind had never been good at silence. He’d never been able to get it to shut up. To stop noticing. 

Then again, at least it was still working right. At least he did still notice things.

At least he’d woken up. 

Tears pricked at his closed eyes. He’d failed. Air escaped his lungs unevenly, and he sucked it back in, straining against ribs that whined about it, just like the last time. 

Whoever was in the room with him-- there must be someone-- didn’t notice his tears or any unwanted noises. There was no touch to his hand or face. No anything. If he wanted something, he’d have to signal it. He’d have to open his eyes and face whoever was there.

He pried open crusty, itchy eyes. This time, his vision landed first on his own paper-clad lap. 

There was a card in his hand in unfamiliar handwriting. Issac - you have had a seizure. Some confusion is normal. It will go away in a while. Please stop trying to remove the monitoring equipment. Your family will return soon. 

Soon? None of them were even in here with him? He looked up.

There was a man in the room. He was wearing a three-piece suit in brownish gray, with graying, sand-colored hair, and a severely bleached smile plastered on his face. He was sitting in the chair between Issac and the door with his ankle on his knee. As if this was a perfectly normal way to meet someone.

This was not a doctor. 

Issac gasped as his vision developed sudden spots. Black fractured the image in front of him. 

It was text. Good afternoon, Mr. Tillman-Voss.

Issac was wearing contacts. Revulsion rolled through him. He wanted to pull them off. He couldn’t stand the thought of touching them. Either the stranger knew he had them, or he thought Issac could hear. The man stood, still smiling. He reached into his blazer pocket, producing a little slip of paper. He walked the few paces between them, holding it out. A business card. Before Issac could read it, more text crowded the image out. I’m Frank Lasansky of Lasansky Security Technologies. Sorry if I’m catching you at a bad time.

A bad time? Issac wasn’t even wearing pants. How did these contacts end up on his eyes? Where was his family? I heard a while back about what happened to you and I think that’s a shame. Just a real shame. Still smiling. Issac would have punched the guy if he was more confident in his ability to stand up without falling down. There was something off about him-- a fakeness that went beyond his over-bleached teeth. Issac took the business card, but kept watching the man’s face.

It didn’t move right. Some kind of partial paralysis? 

And I thought, there’s a young man I’d like to meet. And my lucky day, I come to find out you’re in this very building when I am! Well, I couldn’t pass up an opportunity like that, could I? Huh? Right?

Issac didn’t know what else to do, so he shook his head “no.” Did this guy not know Issac lived in this building? How could he possibly not know that? It was Sentinel Plaza.

Lasansky. That name was familiar.

The weird smile stretched wider. Great! Glad to hear it. Because I am just dying to chat with you about those nanites of yours. Issac went cold. The nanites. He must be from the APB? Maybe he was here to take Issac away. Issac felt an irrational urge to check to make sure all his arms and legs were still attached. That they hadn’t been replaced with weaker models. He knew better, and he was being watched. Now, I already heard that this trial didn’t work out. That’s why I took the liberty of providing you with some hardware to help us out in our little chat. He tapped the space next to his eye, looking pleased with himself.

Issac recoiled. He would have assumed that either his parents or a nurse had put the contacts on him. That would have been bad enough. But to think that this random businessman had been touching Issac while he was either asleep or too out of it to have a say sent a spiky, electric chill up his spine. OK, he had his legs, but it felt that much closer to Jenna's fate, all the same.

Lasansky continued, either oblivious to Issac's alarm or electing to ignore it. But hey, these things happen. You can’t get it right on your first try every time, right? Issac wondered whether he was supposed to shake his head again, but this time Lasansky didn’t wait. I want you to know I’m not going to judge you for that. You know? I want you to hear that it’s not your fault. You didn’t have backup. No support. No team. 

Issac's horror ebbed a little, and he tried to shove it down faster. Don’t think about his eyes. This was obvious, and well-thought-out, flattery. This total stranger knew exactly what Issac wanted to hear. The polar opposite of what he’d be forced to sit through whenever his parents showed up to replace the stranger. 

Why was he flattering Issac?

Issac studied the man. The suit was high-end, and almost perfectly tailored, but cut a little too big in the shoulders. There was the smallest of silver roots visible at his hairline. His hands looked noticeably older than his face.

Ah. His face. He’d had too much Botox, too many face-lifts, or both. That’s why his expressions seemed off. Everything about him was pretending. 

Lasansky. Lasansky. He knew that name.

But a little birdie gave me some good news. Word on the street is, it’s your biggest birthday today! He leaned in conspiratorially. Issac leaned in, too, as if it mattered what volume the man spoke at. You’re a free man, Mr Tillman. The world is your oyster.

A free man. So, not arrested, anyway. Lasansky stood. Now I know this is irregular, God knows it’s not usually how we run things at Lasansky Security International, but you, young man, are special. I couldn’t run the chance of them squirreling you away in the attic all alone without my having spoken to you, first.

Of him being sent away like Jenna. 

Mr. Tillman, I am here to make you an offer.  Because the problem with working for the family business is, you have to work for your family! You have to be the baby at work and at home. Have your boss at the dinner table. Be constantly surrounded by people who have what they think are your best interests at heart, but who, deep down, can’t appreciate you for the adult that you are! Now the fact that you had to run this all by yourself tells me that they already gave you the vote of no confidence. They only see Issac the boy, not Issac the man. But I have seen your patent list, and I am ready to give you my full vote of confidence. I believe in your tech. I believe there’s a need for it, and I believe that with the right support, you can deliver your gift to the world. I am prepared to offer you just that support. 

This stranger-- this fake man in a thousand-dollar suit-- understood. Had grasped the whole dynamic of the situation without ever even meeting Issac. Issac glanced down briefly, thinking, and his eyes landed on perfectly shined shoes with a subtly higher-than-average heel. Trying to look tall.

Lasansky was the head of what had to be a huge, heavily politically-connected company, but even he had to pretend to be taller, healthier, younger than he was. No wonder he could understand Issac’s need to fix himself. Even Lasansky wasn’t high enough in the hierarchy to risk exposing even the smallest, most irrelevant weaknesses, like wrinkles or narrower shoulders. 

Well, even Mom wore tall shoes and sought the occasional nip and tuck, didn’t she? She just wore it better, or maybe invested more. 

If even the people at the top-- everyone who wasn’t altered-- had to protect themselves with artificial health and height, where did that leave someone with an actual weakness?

Lasansky approached the tilted hospital bed. Issac had to crane his neck back to keep watching him. He smiled down at Issac with gleaming teeth. Mr. Tillman, how would you like to join the Lasansky Securities family?

* * *

Time bled by Yael at an agonizing crawl. Xe didn’t know how long xe’d been sitting on the cool tile floor of xyr bedroom, not really seeing anything. Xyr back was still against the door, where it was easiest to hear Papa not coming after xyr, not trying to argue through the door. Xe’d let xyr mind go blank, listening to that silence.

When xyr phone went off, Yael jumped so hard xe banged xyr head against the door. Xe grabbed the phone out of xyr pocket, answering to stop its intrusion. Xe forgot all about Papa for a moment when xe realized it was Issac. Or, at least, Issac's phone.

“Hello?” xe asked cautiously, not sure who to expect on the other end.

Issac himself answered. “Yeah. Uhm. Hi.”

Yael's head dropped back, hitting the door with another bang. “You’re OK. You’re OK, right? Oh my Gosh, can you hear me? You’re on the phone!”

There was a pause. “I…no. I have translation software. I can’t hear you.” 

“Sorry it didn’t work.” And xe was, a little. Mostly, xe was happy he was conscious, coherent and alive. Now they just had to get through the fallout with the APB. Nodiah wasn’t going to be happy.

Issac didn’t even try to hide his discomfort, which was refreshing. “Yeah.” Yael looked behind xyr, as if xe could see through the door. Xe had no idea where Papa was, if he was hearing all of this. “I need your help.”

Yael crossed xyr legs, straightening. Trying not to think about how “helping” him this morning had gone. “What do you need?”

“An escort? I, uhm. I got a job. Just now.” Yael pulled the phone away from xyr ear, and stared at it, baffled. Was Issac actually coherent? “I know that’s weird. But it’s this guy who works with the APB, and he actually believes in my research. Wants to use it to help people.” Official approval! Thank heaven. Issac would be safe, now. Problems were knocking themselves out left and right. 

 “I’m eighteen. I can move out, any time I want to. They can’t stop me. But it’s like… I’ll have to live in just like…a place. Just standard security systems. I’d feel better if you came along, too. You’re almost eighteen. Can you?” A flicker of hesitation. “Will you?”

Yael rushed the phone back to xyr ear, glancing back against the door again. Hopefully Papa hadn’t heard that.

Xyr first impulse was to tell Issac “no.” He was hurt. He needed his family. He needed to be protected, here at home.

Except now, home wasn’t safe, either. He needed safety and family. Maybe Yael really was his best bet for both. Papa wasn’t listening to Yael-- maybe none of the others would, either. 

“On one condition. We have to bring Jamie, too. We can’t leave her here.” Xe hoped Melissa would protect her, but if nobody but Yael saw the danger--

“What? I. But. I mean. If she wants to…You think she would? But she’s sixteen.”

“We have to try.”

“Uh. Sure. Try away.”

“Is…Your mom isn’t with you, now.”

“Obviously.”

“You’re alone?”

“I…I guess they came in earlier. I don’t remember.”

“Have you seen Neil?”

“I guess.”

“Jamie?”

“I don’t remember, OK? Seizures can do that. Just…pack up. I’ll get home when I can to do the same.” He said his goodbyes, which Yael echoed in a haze, then hung up.

Moving out? Xe’d never planned to leave. Xyr room had always just evolved with xyr. This was Yael’s home.

But a home wasn’t such a big thing to sacrifice for your brother and sister. 

Xe heard shuffling outside. Papa’s normally light footfalls were slow and plodding, either because he was just that tired, or to warn xyr he was coming.

The handle beside xyr head turned, and Yael looked over at it as the door tried to shift inward. Yael was more than heavy enough to keep it closed.

Papa’s voice was muffled, but only a little bit irritated. “Yael, I’ve bought you a very large bed, two futons, and an office chair. Why do you insist on sitting on the floor?”

Xe didn’t even bother to pretend to be angry. “I’m being a barricade.”

“Well, stop being a barricade and go back to being my daughter. I need to talk to her.”

Maybe it was just because xe was so upset about everything else, but xe was suddenly annoyed by his misgendering, and didn’t watch xyr tongue. “I’m not your daughter.”

Shit! Yael’d said it before thinking, then realized how Papa would hear it. Xe scrambled to xyr feet and threw the door open.

He was standing there, half turned from the door, his expression a broken attempt at stoicism. He met xyr eyes with a piercing, angry gaze and a mouth that tugged down at the corners, obviously hurt. 

This time xyr blurted words did better. “I didn’t mean it like that! I meant-- ugh. You’ve heard Jamie and Issac use non-gendered pronouns for me for five months now. Take a hint!”

The pain in his expression cleared, some, replaced by sincere confusion. “You never asked me to call you that.”

“I thought it would be obvious.”

“I didn’t want to assume. Sometimes siblings have things they don’t want to share with-- I was trying not to intrude!” He shook his head. “This is absurd. Yael, aren’t we having enough fights today? Let’s put this on hold.”

Surprisingly diplomatic of him, even if he was sidestepping something important to xyr. Xe tried to stay calm. Xe crossed xyr arms. “All right. Which fight do you want to have first?”

Papa replied with an exasperated, but not entirely unamused sigh, and stepped forward. Xe let him in. He paused. “How about the one about how your room looks like you’re afraid of drawers, closets and boxes?”

“Really?”

He shoved over a pile of hoodies and sat on one of the futons. “No.” He rubbed his face. 

The silence stretched out. Papa was lost in thought. Yael collapsed onto the opposite futon, toying with the corduroy.

Finally he looked to xyr. “Which do you want to start with?”

Yael spread xyr hands helplessly, shaking xyr head. Xe had no idea how to untangle all of this. But xe didn’t want him to leave.

Xe didn’t want to leave.

To xyr amusement, he pulled out a coin. He looked at xyr. “Heads, your fight with Neil, tails, the…the other thing.”

Xe nodded, and he flipped the coin, catching it and slapping it to his hand. “Heads,” he announced. 

They looked at each other, bracing for a fight neither of them wanted to have. “Tell me what happened. I won’t say anything until you’ve finished. Just this once.”

Too good an offer to pass up. “Issac was following in his father’s and Jenna's and Drew's footsteps. He decided to fight his limitations directly, and he had the science. He limited the MARTIN sensors and used his nanites to try to repair his audio nerve.” Xe refused to look ashamed. “Jamie and I helped him, and kept his secret. And I am not sorry we did.” That was much easier to say now that xe knew he really was OK. “He has the right to try to better himself.” 

Xe couldn’t read Papa’s reaction, so xe just kept going. “But he had a seizure, Jamie used the failsafe, and we called for help. The EMTs got Issac, and Drew went with them, and as soon as Neil and Jamie and I were alone, he started shouting at her, and then he lunged for her. I intercepted him and tried to make him back off. He wouldn’t. That’s pretty much when you came in.”

Papa might not have interrupted, but now he was shaking his head. “You misinterpreted. You were upset and you misunderstood.”

“How would you know? You weren’t there!” xe challenged. 

“Neil wouldn’t. He adores Jamie. He loves all of you kids.” Yael shook xyr head, glaring daggers at the floor as he continued. “You’ve known him your whole life. You know he would never hurt any of you.”

“I’ve been trying to believe in that, and in him. This whole time I’ve been trying. But he’s not the man I grew up with. That man would never abandon Issac for days at a time like this. Not for any reason. And today-- I’ve seen enough film of your missions to know he can kill with less rage than that. I wouldn’t let anyone looking like that near Jamie or Issac.”

Xe readied for arguments and shouting yet again. Instead, Papa looked distracted and troubled.

Deep down, part of Yael wanted to be wrong. Even hurting Neil unfairly would be better than Neil being a real danger to Jamie. Neil would heal. If he was the person Yael thought xe remembered, he would even forgive.

But Papa had stopped arguing. Xe couldn’t imagine a more hollow victory.

They sat in painful silence for a moment. 

“I…I’ll talk to him. And Melissa,” he promised.

“There’s more.” 

He looked horrified. “More? How could there possibly be more?” Realization dawned. “The phone call.”

“It was Issac.”

“Well then, that’s good!”

Xe nodded, hesitantly. “Yes, that’s good,” xe hedged. “You know it’s his birthday.”

“What a birthday.”

“He’s eighteen. He called me to say he’s not coming back, except to pack his things. He’s moving out. And he sure is Melissa’s son, because he’s somehow landed himself a job since this morning.”

Papa’s mouth dropped open. “You can’t be serious.”

Yael threw up xyr hands. “It wasn’t my idea!”

“Well, tell him not to!”

“When has that ever worked? At least it’s APB-backed, so he won’t get arrested for this morning.”

“He can’t just go out there, alone.”

Here it was. “He won’t be alone.” Yael gulped, but raised xyr chin. “I’m going with him.”

Papa rocketed to his feet.“The hell you are!” All his bombastic energy was back from before. “This is absurd! We had a fight! That is no reason. No. Reason.”

Yael didn’t have it in xyr now to fight about this. Instead, xe kept xyr voice low, which had the surprising effect of making Papa pause. “I know. I’m not going to get away from you. I’m going to protect him. Because he shouldn’t go out there alone.”

“I forbid it.”

“Then be prepared to fight me with real force every single day. Be prepared to break my legs faster than they can heal, because that’s what it’ll take.” 

Papa was visibly repulsed. “This is no time for dramatics.”

“I’m being sincere. I know you don’t have a lot of recent practice with honesty, but try and remember what it sounds like. If you’re not willing to go that far, then you won’t keep me here. And you don’t want to.”

“Of course I want to! You’re my--” Xe had to hand it to him; he stopped before ‘daughter’ this time. He was trying. “Family. And you belong here.”

“Do you want to leave Issac unprotected? Out there? He’s your family. He’s hurt. Are you going to abandon him?”

“This is madness.”

“I told you that I’d defend them. From anyone and anything. I meant that.” Not a hero’s oath, but the one that came from xyr heart.

“What about Jamie?” 

“I don’t know yet. But you’ll protect her, won’t you?”

Papa sank down on the futon, hands over his eyes. “There is nothing about this that I don’t hate.”

“But you will.”

He scowled at the ceiling from behind his hand. “Yes, of course I will.”

Silence swallowed them up, and Yael noticed the rain for the first time. Rain was supposed to cleanse. Yael didn’t feel cleansed, but at least some things between them were out. The inside of xyr head felt a little cleaner for it. 

Eventually Yael commented, “I think that was the quietest fight we’ve ever had.”

“I think I lost.”                          

* * *

“Ms. Tillman-Voss? Your brother would like to see you.” The nurse looked at Jamie and Opal, and all the empty chairs in the private waiting room. “Is your mother not here?”

“She went for coffee,” Jamie answered automatically. That had been three hours ago, but it still stood. Jamie had no doubt that wherever Mom was, she’d have a cup of coffee with her. Jamie explaining the morning to Mom hadn’t gone well. Jamie stood, then hesitated, looking back at Opal. “Can you--?”

“I’ll wait here,” Opal assured. It helped. Opal had been sitting with Jamie this whole time, even though Jamie was too full of waiting to be any kind of good company. She’d spent most of the last hour giving Jamie entertaining summaries of Gothic novels with unflattering appraisals of characters’ decision-making abilities. She’d kept it up, even though Jamie didn’t have it in her to laugh at anything right now. They made her almost smile and kept her partially occupied, and that was more than Jamie could have asked for. 

Jamie glanced back over her shoulder as she followed the nurse out, getting one more sympathetic smile and encouraging wave from Opal before following the nurse down the same hall her dad had disappeared down three hours ago. She hadn’t seen or heard from him, since. She told herself it was because a broken bone could take a while to treat.

Issac was sitting up, awake and lucid, when Jamie slipped quietly into the room. The nurse shut the door behind her, leaving the two of them alone. His lips weren’t blue. His eyes were focused, if bloodshot. He had on two medical bracelets and a white paper card in each hand. One large, one small. The sensors were still on his forehead. He watched her with trepidation, licking his lips. 

Jamie almost tripped over her shoes crossing the space between them. She wrapped both arms around him and pulled him close enough that she could tell that he was warm, that he wasn’t shaking. She tried to make out a heartbeat, but her own heart was pounding too hard. He put one hand on her back, hesitantly. The hand didn’t shake or jerk. It was steady. 

She took a deep breath, pulling away, and grabbed his pillow from behind him. She cataloged all the sensors on his head, his sternum, and his wrist bracelet. She aimed for his forearm and stomach, and hit him with the paper-wrapped pillow almost as hard as she could. “Never! Again!”

Issac raised his arms, trying to fend off the unexpected attack, but neglecting to grab the pillow. She gripped it, dragging it off the side of the bed, glaring at him with stinging eyes. Even if he didn’t know what she’d said, he should be able to work out why she was mad. 

He was still for a second, hands still raised defensively, not sure whether she’d strike another fluffy vinyl blow. That was fair; she wasn’t sure she wasn’t going to hit him again. She was gratified to see him frantically searching for an appropriate response. 

Tentatively, he reached out a hand, and that was enough invitation. She grabbed him in another tight hug, dropping the pillow back on the bed so she could grab him with both hands and be sure she could feel him breathing. “You jerk. I threw up four times because of you. If you ever try that again, next time I’m just going to let you--” She couldn’t finish the sentence. Couldn’t even finish the thought. Didn’t want the twitching, blue-lipped vision it conjured up. She realized belatedly there was no way he could hold a tablet, because he was actually hugging her back this time. She was just as happy he hadn’t heard her threat. She sniffed hard, trying not to get snot on his paper pajamas, and squeezed him again. 

He answered anyway. “I promise not to ask you to do something like that again. Sorry.”

She muttered with her head on his shoulder. “You better not. Practically gave me a heart attack.”

“Liar. Your cardio system is like the only thing on you that halfway works right.”

Jamie startled, letting go. “You heard me!” Oh thank G-d, it was over. Whatever came next, it would all have to work out. Issac's gambit had paid off. Mom and Dad would have to forgive them for it eventually, now. She was almost lightheaded with relief. 

“No. I’m wearing the contacts.” 

Shit. She could see it cost him to even say it. But seeing him turn red in the face was good. Red wasn’t blue.

“Oh. Well. I’m glad you can use those now. I can’t even tell the difference!” He couldn’t hear her tone, but she was pretty sure it was still unconvincing. Not because it wasn’t true, but because of everything she knew would come with it. She gripped the paper of his hospital gown. “So…are you OK?”

He didn’t look at her this time, watching his own hand tap the sheets. “Well, I’m not dead. There doesn’t seem to be any more brain damage. Still can’t hear. So, mostly the same, I guess. My back hurts,” he added offhandedly. Jamie’s gut flipped, remembering the unnatural looking way it had bowed off the bed. “But I guess…mostly the same.” 

He turned his hand over. There was a handwritten notecard in it, in an unfamiliar handwriting. You are in the hospital due to a seizure. Some confusion and soreness-- He closed his hand around the card, then looked at the other card, which seemed to be a business card. He didn’t turn that around, so she couldn’t read it. 

“So uhm. I guess my experiment got someone’s attention at the APB--”

Her hand clenched around the paper of his shirt again. She looked down at his wrist. He wasn’t cuffed to the hospital bed or anything. Looked around the room. No sign of any security measures beyond the default. 

Issac was OK, but would he stay OK? Would they ship him off to some hellish prison in Detroit? Issac couldn’t make it in a place like that-- hearing or not. 

Jamie couldn’t protect him from that. From anything. “We’re at the APB,” she interrupted. He paused, then looked around the room, realizing it was true. “MARTIN called them,” Jamie added furiously. Stupid super-intelligent security system didn’t understand the risk it was putting Issac through.

“Oh. MARTIN.” He was quiet so long she had to squish the urge to bend over and check his eyes, to make sure they weren’t rolled back. Then he took an expansive breath. “Anyway, this guy who works with the APB is interested in my research. He offered me a job.” His eyes skittered up to meet hers. “And I took it.”

They stared at each other. He had the good sense to look a little hangdog. Finally, Jamie spoke, trying to sound as even-keel as possible. “I don’t want this to sound mean, but I think they should scan your brain for injuries again.”

Issac looked supremely unimpressed, but pointed at a monitor with a display that meant nothing to her. “Read all you want. I have.” He held up his phone. “I even got some notes from them.” He shifted, sitting straighter and warming to his subject. “Look, this is what I need. Just…some space to figure things out. Some backup so I can work without…” He gestured at the machinery behind him without actually looking at any of it. Jamie's eyes skimmed along them. There were a lot of them. A lot of things the doctors were worried about.

Legal protection. That was worth a lot. Was it more than their family could provide? 

“But you live with Mom,” Jamie attempted to reason. “She owns everything in your lab.”

He frowned. “Well, obviously I’m going to have to move out. That’s fine. I’m old enough.”

Jamie thought of Mom’s torn up cuticles and the cracks in the dark glaze on her nails. This morning, the cracks had been gone, and the plum glaze traded out for a less obvious nude color. Tidied up, but with the expectation of future chips. 

“I was going to move out soon, anyway. What’s a few months’ difference?”  

“Mom’s going to see a difference.” 

“Well, then that’s her problem,” he answered with attempted glibness. Jamie’s heart sank. “Yael wants you to come. With us. Xe’s moving out with me. As a bodyguard kind of thing. I don’t mind. If you want to.”

She made up her mind in an instant. She’d failed Issac once already today. She couldn’t quit now. She nodded, just once, and he seemed both pleased and surprised. 

She’d figure this out one way or another.

[irregulrs]

˙ ◌ ⁎˚ 〇﹒﹙johnny suh. cismale. he/him.﹚guess who was almost late for their shift at the vesper lounge again?? that’s right, it was baek eunwoo! it’s a wonder their job as owner of vesper lounge isn’t in jeopardy. the 26 year old has been working at sunset galleria for 3 ½ years, and is well known for their generous nature. on bad days, they can be rather self-critical, though. when the mall is dead at night, they can usually be found browsing vinyls at wangto records, but don’t tell their boss!﹙izzy, 28, she/her, gmt+2, none.﹚

hello meow meows ♡ you can call me izzy, i'm 28 (come on hags), operate on gmt+2 and i'm bringing u my cool chaos boy eunwoo (๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ under the cut you can find some links, a summary of eunwoo and whatever random thoughts & tidbits about him are flying around in my head. i can't wait to write with you all !

click here for eunwoo's full profile

click here for eunwoo's full biography (it's a bit lengthy lmfao sorry)

pinterest board for all my visual besties out there

baek eunwoo, 26 turning 27, make some noise for scorpio babies!

daegu born & raised, owner of the vesper lounge

his parents poured all their savings into opening a family restaurant called two moons, it was their lifelong dream to have an establishment of their own

you know the food is dope when there’s a random child sleeping in the corner or playing mobile games at full volume? that was eunwoo lmao

he never quite understood why his parents were so strict with his older brother jinwoo regarding his education WELL 🤡

turns out there was only ever enough money to punch one kid thru medical school and of course it has to be the eldest son duh

meanwhile eunwoo got to have a pretty chill school time? noraebag after school with friends is x100 better than hakwon anyways

it was a little too late when he realized that he only got to play and have fun bc his parents had no intention of sending him to university

surprise! you get to help at the family restaurant awww congrats king <3

he….really wanted to help his parents. he wanted for their dream to be successful. but not like this bruh 😭

he really struggled with accepting the fact that he was gonna rot away living someone else’s dream once his parents retire and leave the restaurant in his hands but ??? they are his parents ??? he couldn't say no rip

life comes at u fast and eunwoo realizes that when his parents pass away in a car accident and the care of the restaurant falls into his hands much, much earlier than he expected

well....... he cashes out his part of the house & land he inherited, sells the restaurant (his parents in heaven: say sike rn?!) and moves to a different part of daegu 🤣👍 talk about burning bridges that's that dawg scorpio in him

by now his brother is in seoul busy being a big shot anyway ugh so when eunwoo stumbles over the empty storefront in galleria sunset he pours his savings from the sales he made into opening the vesper lounge, finally something of his own awww look at him 🤕

truth be told he can't really tell if this is actually his dream or if he's just done this to be Doing Something but it's too late to make something different of life at this point right??? (he really needs someone to tell him that it isn't too late pleek)

i've got a bunch of plots right here but i'm always down to plot and brain storm!!

i love making my muses suffer a little lol and i love coming up with dynamics and past backgrounds to intertwine our muses so!!! i hope we can come up with something cool together hehe i'm excited (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

oh and if you find tumblr ims as obnoxious as me we can plot over discord ofc <3

[sansbanshees]

WIP Wednesday

I have like a hundred hellcheer WIPs, but uh here’s a lengthy snippet from an as yet untitled and unpublished meet cute at Starcourt. No Chrissy in this bit, just Eddie suffering in a Sam Goody before he runs into her.

————————

How does anyone find anything in here? The place is a goddamn labyrinth and it takes him forever to find the Sam Goody crammed in between a bookstore and some place that sells luggage.

In and out, he reminds himself, but the regret he feels walking into the store makes him want to walk right back out, album be damned.

There are Madonna posters everywhere. Fucking Falco is playing over the speakers, Jesus Christ, kill him now. The whole place is full of teased hair, leg warmers and polos, and it reeks of Aqua-Net. There’s a snicker off to his right as he browses, and he’s pretty sure it’s directed at him. It’s like the worst parts of high school rolled through the idea of a record store and ripped its soul out to leave a wad of bubblegum in its place. Unfortunately for him, though, the tip from his buddy was spot on.

There, tucked away in the rock section, are precisely four copies of exactly what he’s looking for. What he couldn’t find downtown.

Rock. Rock. As if it could be distilled down to the blandest description. As if this music has anything in common with fucking John Cougar Mellencamp, also categorized under rock.

This place is the goddamn worst.

He pulls one tape out from the stack because he didn’t come all this way to leave empty handed but then he grabs the other three and yanks them out too, because he can’t stand the thought of leaving them behind in this hell scape.

It’s fine. He’ll have one for home, one for the van. The other two—he’ll leave those on the counter at the record shop downtown, his treat, because he’s not an asshole that takes the last goddamn copy, unlike some people.

It doesn’t count if he takes the last one from here.

He swings them back and forth by the long plastic traps they’re contained in as he makes his way to the counter, plunks them down once he gets there and greets the cashier with a grin.

“Hi.”

The cashier arches a thin brow as she looks at what he’s put down in front of her.

“These are all the same,” she says, as if he is somehow unaware.

Eddie nods. “Yep.”

“You want four of the same album?”

“Well, yeah. This is a rescue mission. Leave no man behind in enemy territory.”

That earns him a snort of amusement. She’s older, hair going a little silvery, heavy-ish eyeliner. She seems cool, which he didn’t think he’d be able to say of anyone that works here. A little familiar, too. He’s pretty sure he knows her from somewhere. A quick glance down at her name tag tells him her name is Maggie, which is nice to know, but doesn’t really help him place her.

“They any good?” she asks.

“I dunno, Maggie,” he says, “but I’m gonna find out at least four times.”

She picks up one of the tapes once they’re free of the rigid plastic chastity belts. “Megadeth? Sounds like something my kid would like.”

“What, really?” He leans in, interest piqued. “Who’s your kid?”

The question seems to take her by surprise, and it wouldn’t surprise him to find that actual conversation isn’t really a thing here at Sam Goody.

“Kyle. Kyle Trahern. He’s a few years older than you, by the looks of you.”

“Must be…name doesn’t ring a bell. He has good taste, though.” Eddie grins. “Gets it from his mom, I’ll bet.”

She rolls her eyes. “God, no, I can’t stand it. Kyle moved out a few years back and I thought, Jesus, finally, peace and quiet. But no. Can’t even get away from this crap at The Hideout.”

Eddie staggers back, pressing a hand to his chest to staunch the blood flow. Point fucking blank, that shot.

“Ouch.”

He knew he’d seen her somewhere before, though. Should have guessed that was it. It was either that or she’s someone his uncle snuck in for a few hours, hoping Eddie wouldn’t notice—a rarity, to be sure, but it happens now and then.

She smirks. “You kids are alright when you play the good stuff.”

“Free Bird, right?” He pulls out his wallet when she finishes ringing him up, lays a few crumpled twenties on the counter. “Everyone loves Free Bird.”

“Free Bird,” she agrees, counting back his change and handing it over. “Bad Moon Rising. You know, real music, not that noise you just bought four copies of.”

“Maggie, those are fightin’ words.” He snatches his bag with an exaggerated huff. “Don’t make me get myself kicked out of the mall. What if they don’t let me come back?”

She snorts. “Kid, there’s four people behind you, waiting to pay. Don’t worry about security, I’m kicking you out.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. One sec.” He digs into the bag, pulls out one of the tapes and slaps it down on the counter. “For Kyle.”

“I’ll make sure he gets it.” She shakes her head, but she’s smiling. The thanks is an understanding he just picks up on, it doesn’t need to be said. “Now, go on. Go bother someone else.”

“I’m gonna learn something from this album and play it just for you at the next show,” Eddie informs her, holding up his bag as he backs out of the store. “Just wait. You’re gonna love it.”

“You do that, kid.” She waves him off. “I’ll bring my earplugs.”

[headstrongblake]

the first few days felt crucial to stay with grant. no matter what had happened between the two of them recently, she would never wish him dead. she couldn't. hunter had shown her which wounds were important to watch, and how to help change the dressing because at the time...grant had barely been conscious. but once it felt safe to leave grant alone in his apartment, octavia retreated back to hers in desperate need of new clothes and some essentials. she waited until the middle of the day, hoping bellamy was anywhere but their apartment however, as she walked the lengthy hallway...she forgot to account for nick. bellamy too loud in her mind as he continued to blow up her phone.

emerald hues locked with nick's as he came out of the apartment just down from hers, teeth tugging at her bottom lip, waiting for his reaction. he looked like hell. like he's spent the past few days wallowing in all the dark emotions that gloss his gaze.

after sunday night, octavia's one of the last people nicklas wants to see. not the last...but she's pretty fuckin' close. so when he notices her just by her apartment, no doubt trying to sneak in while blake is not there, half of him screams to turn right around. go back inside. let her do her thing and not engage because despite what she's done, she's still the little kid he's taken care of. but he's been listening less and less to that side lately. instead, nicklas shakes his head, heading down the hallway, but paying octavia no attention.

as nicklas comes near her, all octavia can smell is whiskey. whiskey and stale cigarettes that make her head swim. he doesn't look at her. doesn't speak to her. he doesn't even acknowledge that she's there, sparking annoyance in her gaze. how dare he be mad at her. she is not the one who did anything wrong. if anything, she's the only one, save hunter, out of those men that did anything right. but when he goes to walk past her, octavia's hand darts out to stop him. " what? you're just going to pretend i don't exist? "

every muscle in nick's body tenses as octavia wraps her hand around his arm, but he makes no attempt to pull from her. his head shakes, eyes still forward. " yeah, i'm tryin', wanna help me out with that? " he asked dryly, his free hand plucking her fingers off his jacket before he readjusted himself.

" so it's like that? " she asked, head tilting with an exasperated look on her face. blue eyes snapped toward her, glaring down at her. " yeah, it's like that, octavia. " nick said harshly.

" let me get this straight, you abandon your brother, no, sorry you beat the living hell out of him, let my brother nearly kill him, your supposed friend....i save him from dying so that you don't spend the rest of your life with his blood on your hands and what? that hurt your feelings? pissed you off a bit, made you feel bad about yourself and so you're done with me? " octavia scoffed, shoving her key in the lock before throwing open the door. " screw you, nick. " she tossed over her shoulder.

each response sits on the tip of his tongue, waiting to strike as she tries to cut him with every word she spits. it's only the comment about grant being his brother that he sinks his teeth into. unwilling now to leave the conversation be as he followed into the blake apartment right on her heels. " that's your problem right there! you just say shit without having a fucking clue what you're talking about. just act when no one asks you to. how about you stop tryin' to fix everybody else's shit and you start fixing yours? the trainwreck is going to sit here and judge me? you don't know shit about me and him. " nicklas ranted, following her every step of the way while she refused to stop moving, and packing, irritating him further.

" oh please, " octavia laughed stiffly, " don't, don't try and tell me i don't see what i see. " octavia said, shoving more clothes into a bag of hers. nick could lie to a lot of people. he did as far as she was aware, and much like grant, he didn't talk about his life before this place. but while nick might have constantly been watching them all while he served drinks behind the comfort of his bar, octavia was watching him. had been since he swooped in like some hero out of one of bell's books. he might've got on her nerves and pushed all the worst trigger points but...it was only because she had missed her own brother so deeply. she's been watching him with hopeful eyes since he became her brother.

green eyes watched nicklas try to deny it, could see the anger and hurt that warred with each other in his eyes before octavia bent down, looking for something beneath her bed. " what're you doing? " nick asked, head shaking as he watched her.

as octavia stood up and turned towards nicklas, she held up a sketchbook from the dollar store, " lie to me all you want, lie to yourself, but i know you care about him. you care about all of us. " she said, opening the book wide as she set it on her bed. inside were dozens of photos in different media. some printed photos, some polaroids. octavia had meant to get a proper album for them all. to sort through them properly instead of having a few sketchbooks beneath her bed but, it worked. she flipped through a few pages until finally she came across the one she was searching for. her finger pointed to the photo of grant and nicklas' side profiles. grant sitting at the bar top while nicklas was in mid-pour of a drink. it's simple. ordinary. but they both have genuine smiles and when octavia looks at the photo, she can hear nick's laugh.

nicklas reached forward to take the book from her but instead she laid it out on her bed, his mouth snapping shut. eyes widened as octavia flipped through the book, feet slowly taking steps forward as he peered over her shoulder. her life was inside this book. everyone. sure, he knew that she was always snapping photos but this...he squinted to look at them as they passed quickly. although, his mouth instantly ran dry as she pointed out the photo of him and grant. instead of arguments, and rebuttals, nicklas fell quiet, studying the photo.

" you may hate him right now...but, " octavia shrugged as she pulled her backpack on, leaving the sketchbook exposed on the bed. " you know what they say about that, such a thin line between love and hate, " she said, staring at the way nicklas moved towards the album, finger reaching out to trace the image. if anyone understood that, especially with grant, it was her. nicklas couldn't lie to her, because she knew what that look in his eye meant. he loved grant, so much that the love itself and all the choices grant makes hurt. " you all are wrong. now fix it. " with that, octavia left nicklas alone in her room.

/ @thewholecrew

[glittergutts]

A lengthy update and thoughts

My doctor wanted me to increase my Cymbalta to hopefully lower my general anxiety and I feel pretty good about it. The Cymbalta helps with my fibromyalgia pains and has given me the ability to make art again. I haven't really felt like making anything in at least 6 years so it's a really positive change. I want to buy some stickers from etsy to add to my mixed media things. And beads for making bracelets and a new phone strap. I made a rainbow bead chain for my phone last summer and it's discolored and missing almost all the gummy bear charms.

Also I talked to my doctor about my adhd and she told me the practice has a limitation to how much Marijuana can be in your system when you get prescription stimulants. (Even though its totally legal here) Of course I'm way over they're cut off limit so I'm going back in a month for another pee test and hopefully a prescription to get my shit together.

So for the next month I have to avoid smoking which is going to be a big change, I've been smoking since I was 14. I pulled out my half gallon water bottle I used to flush my system when I finally completed my benzo taper. I need to focus on healthy foods with low fat and do my best to exercise and burn the thc in my cells that way. I know of some good detox herbs just not sure if they detox fat cells or just the liver and kidneys? Either way it wouldn't hurt to try my berry detox tea.

I'm looking at some glass food containers so I can prep some more things ahead of time. I'm hoping it helps me eat healthier snacks or at least more veggies than I am now. Portion containers for grains and dairy seem like a good idea too. I don't typically over eat unless it's high carbs but it could also help me see what a full serving of vegetables looks like and I really just want to include more whole fresh foods in my diet.

I keep day dreaming about growing food. Really just a few things and a ton of herbs. Out of the 9 herbs I planted 8 have sprouted I'm just waiting on the chives. I'm afraid I over watered and molded the seeds but I guess time will tell. I wish I could have chickens and beehives and really do some self sufficient things with my time and space.

I actually feel lost in day dreams of all sorts lately. All good things I feel are possible in time with enough work put in. I keep telling myself I can create the life I imagine and I really believe it. The only thing holding me back is this over cluttered, messy house. Hopefully a stimulant will help me tackle making my space useful again.

Most of my daydreams are about summer activities and taking a family trip to Tennessee or camping. Chris and I are planning a camping trip for just us and Loki. No kids so we might actually be able to relax. We're trying to go in April before it gets too hot. I've already started a packing list for it.

I'm afraid I fucked myself out of therapy. My therapist of 14 years no longer accepts my insurance and I couldn't change it before the cut off day, it wouldn't process. I have no interest in finding a new therapist either. So I'm going to buy a few mental health workbooks and some aromatherapy balms and just do my own healing and art therapy for now. Unless it turns out I have to have professional help, which would suck.

But life is pretty good take away crippling anxiety and adhd it would be really happy.

[theghostpinesmusic]

A few flashback photos from our day in Skagway! Vertical shots coming in a separate post because Instagram sucks now...

Our first "real" stop (in the sense that the boat docked and we got off and stepped onto land instead of just another boat) was in Skagway. I didn't really know anything about the town before we got there, and while I was excited to learn more and to take in the sights, I was also a little worried that this particular day's activities were going to be too tourist-y for my tastes. Especially after the previous day's eye-opening trip up the fjord, I felt like traveling around Skagway and its environs in the company of a "costumed guide" (as advertised) might feel a bit...inauthentic?

Luckily, I needn't have worried.

Now, tourism is a strange thing. The relative "authenticity" of this or that experience is something that's pretty much always on my mind to some degree when I'm traveling, whether we're talking ten-year-old me at Disney World (I was a weird kid) or forty-year-old me in the "wild" mountains, surrounded by twenty other backpackers, all of us tracking our progress on our phones in real time. In this particular case, we were in Skagway in the first place because we were on a cruise, which is a super *fun* way to experience just about anything, but rolling into town on a huge ocean liner and then getting chauffered around all day because you have money is hardly the best way to experience any place from anything approaching a local's-eye view.

That said, I've had a ruggedly romantic notion of Alaska in my mind my entire adult life, informed by obsessively reading Krakauer and other nature/adventure writers and, later, my own adventures in the mountains and on the glaciers of not-Alaska, and while I'd always known this trip, on its face, was not going to be some Artic Dreams-style struggle for survival, I'd hoped to glean some small sense of what such a thing might be like amidst and maybe in spite of the buffets and slot machines (both literal and figurative).

I'd managed this on the boat up Tracy Arm, and with a little help managed it in Skagway, too.

We learned a bunch about the history of the town and the Alaskan Gold Rush in general, as well as how to pan for gold (this part was sort-of geared more toward kids, but it was still interesting). We learned a bunch of *fascinating*, intense stuff about the Iditarod, met some sled dogs, and got to play with sled dog puppies (If I hadn't already raised my own puppy, this might have been the best moment of my life). Then we rode a train along an absolutely crazy Gold Rush-era railroad track (built for the Gold Rush but only finished after it had petered out).

The train ride, in particular, was great: I like learning stuff, and I like seeing massive mountains and valleys, *and* riding trains, so I was pretty much set. Plus, while all of the day's events were presided over by our "costumed guide," he really came into his own once we were his captive audience on board the train.

As we found out over the course of the train ride, our guide had made his way to Skagway and his employment there via a journey that had a lot in common with the Gold Rush pioneers he was being paid to teach us about. He had, apparently, taken the job somewhat spontaneously after finishing college in New York state, moving away from everything he was familiar with to this small town in Alaska that he very clearly already loved after only having lived there for a few months. His enthusiasm for, well, *everything* was contagious, and I'd be lying if I did said he didn't remind me of myself a little bit at that age, or at least the version of me that I'd tried and likely often failed to be back then. At forty-two, his excitement and earnestness were reminders that in the last twenty years I've become less adventurous and more guarded than I'd like. As the train ride finished, he took his last few minutes with us to recite a legitimately lengthy poem about the Gold Rush written by a local poet, and despite the train car being packed by a group of hungry tourists, you could have heard a pin drop when he finished.

The whole experience was inspiring enough that Lindsey and I decided to take our last bit of time in port to hike out to the edge of town and take a trail a mile and five hundred or so feet up into the mountains to the first alpine lake we could find. There, we ran into a guy who'd left his cruising family behind temporarily for a similar reason, and we all spent a few minutes talking about (you guessed it) tourism and authenticity and all of that fun stuff. Then he took our picture!

The end.

[thespianinthebackcorner]

I wanted to vote in the thing you tagged me in but idk who any of those people are 😭

AIDHTBAUTBEHDBRHSHRBWH LMAOOO IM SORRY

okay uh. Oh boy how do I explain some of these characters. Whose ass was on that list... Elynas, Albedo, Surume and Ocho yeah? Yeah. I'll do my best.

Albedo is a Genshin character, he's a synthetic human created by the alchemist Gold. He's also an alchemist. Zero social skills but also a good boy who loves his little sister Klee even though she's chaos incarnate and has access to explosives. Encourages her to make said explosives, so he is a little chaotic himself. mostly keeps his genuine emotion and also the emotional damage and the trauma to himself but it's there. Would ramble for hours about something he likes.

Elynas is Albedo's big brother who's also a dragon. (And also dead but we don't talk about that.) he's really really nice, gets lonely easily and is fond of pretty much everyone he meets. He loves his kids a lot and thinks they're beautiful. He tends to destroy stuff without realising (there's lore to that but that takes LENGTHY explanations) so he gets down on himself a bit because of that. Regrets a lot of things and tends to blame himself but also loves the world a lot. Dad Energy

Surume is Agent 4 and the main promo girl for Splatoon 2. You'll have seen her before somewhere. Hyperfocuses, has aesthetic, competitive and friendly. Chaotic Stupid. Her personality is a lot more generalised because they don't like characterising people like her. Doesn't know about Normal People Things because she hyperfocuses on stuff she likes and ignores mainstream culture. Flexible with all kinds of stuff and also owns weapons.

Ocho is from Splatoon's manga. He's a Pretentious Bastard™. Okay not really. He's cocky as hell on first impressions and acts like he's got a lot of self-confidence, but tends to break down a little when he gets proved wrong. Probably suppresses his feelings. Gets really incensed about things easier than he should. Rich as fuck for no reason. No friends but he has creative ways of avoiding people noticing that (i.e. being rich as hell).

I'm really bad at summarising characters and zero of them are probably like me but the point was picking your blorbos not people who were like you. But I hope this helps :D

[merunicornwithbooks]

the last three days have been crazy busy due to the memorial day sale and people have been buying armloads of stuff. one lady had a massive pile of kid's books that she asked to put on the counter while she still browsed and i was like yeah that's fine. so she goes off and two of her kids stay behind and one kid is like, how much is all of this going to cost?

and i swear i have NO idea what the fuck came over me. i think since i'm looking down the gun barrel of forty, a switch just flipped inside of me so i say to this kid, "i dunno, it's gonna be a lot. i hope you brought your credit card"

and little dude looks anxious and says "i don't even HAVE a credit card" and the boy with him goes, "you don't?"

and i'm just like 😬"maybe your mom will help you?" and this seems like the best course of action for all involved, we're all agreed, and little dude runs down a list of people he knows who have bags, or wallets, or credit cards and it's a pretty lengthy list and i stop listening but keep nodding while i help other people who come up to the counter.

then the boys wander off but one of them comes back every so often to ask for different titles and one time i just go out to the shelf with him to help him find a particular minecraft book. we pass by this little girl who's crouched by a shelf and looks stressed so i'm like aw shit and put a pin in that. me and the kid don't see the specific diary of an 8 bit zombie he wants so i let him loose to find something else and i check in with the girl and ask if she needs help. she looks up at me with two handfuls of books clutched in her hands and she goes THERE'S SO MANY BAILEY KID BOOKS HERE. lmao so she had the opposite of a serious problem so i just agree that yeah, we have a lot and head back up to the register.

later, this kid comes in with his parents and he's selling off all his level readers and picture books. i think he doesn't totally want to because he lingers and sort of makes a soft gasping sound when I pick up a star wars book so i ask him if there's anything here he'd rather hold on to and he waves this off in this very cute, "no, no, i'm fine" fashion. then he asks if he can help me price the books and i'm like aw no, buddy, it's gotta be an employee and then he naruto ran away from me. he tried to approach again later but his dad shouted from across the room "LEAVE HER ALONE!"

anyway, i recommend working in a book store if you can get it, it's pretty fun