#this whole episode is sorrow for the dead and dying

[carefulfears]

the biggest thing about elegy is that it takes all of that unspoken isolation of this arc, and it slowly lets the audience in. the first thing that mulder says about the apparitions, is that they seem to be an "omen." an impending prophecy. and carefully, throughout the episode, both the audience and scully are waiting to see, not who the killer is, but what is being foretold. when they're going over records, and scully's nose starts bleeding, it's the one thing that they can't ignore. she wasn't even there in the previous episode. she was in the hospital. alone. they don't talk about it. she's "fine." she has "always been the strong one." just like in irresistible, years earlier, she does not want him to know how much she is struggling. but she doesn't have any control. it is dripping out of her. the sound of his voice when he says "oh, scully." and how quickly she responds "it's okay. i'm fine."

it's that kind of childlike grimace in him, the same man who flinches away from dead bodies and stares at the ground before his father. and she's so fast to try to restore order. it's okay. i'm fine. don't worry, i'll clean it up. i'll make it go away. when she disappears into the bathroom and sees an apparition there herself...i think she decides to go to the hospital because she just needs space, honestly. she's scared. he offers to drive her, to go with her, twice. asks, "you sure?" and she says, twice, "i'm fine."

elegy builds to two separate climaxes: the first, when mulder comes to scully's apartment. but before that, we see scully in karen kosseff's office, the same therapist that she had gone to in irresistible, and presumably has kept a relationship with in the years since. she tells karen that she's been diagnosed with inoperable untreatable cancer, and when karen asks, "you've kept working?" she answers, "yes. it's been important to me."

she's taken aback when karen asks why, is surprised at the question, and tells her "agent mulder has been concerned. he's been supportive, through this time."

KOSSEFF: Do you feel that you owe it to him to continue working?

SCULLY: (quickly) No. (pauses) I guess I never realized how much I rely on him before this...his passion...he's been a great source of strength that I've drawn on.

KOSSEFF: What happened last night, Dana?

SCULLY: I saw something. I, I don't know what to trust. If I saw it because of the stress, because the image had been suggested to me or if it was a suggestion of my own fears.

KOSSEFF: Your fear of failing him?

SCULLY: (exhales emotionally) Maybe.

this is such a rare admission from scully. first of all, she's being confronted. this is not normal. it is not normal to work to your death. it's like bill tells her, a couple of episodes later, "what are you doing at work, getting knocked down, beaten up? what are you trying to prove?"

(she hadn't even told bill about her cancer. she'd been sick for months. she thought she was going to die in memento mori, she knows she's going to die sooner than later. and she instructed her mom not to tell her brother. from the moment that mulder said "i refuse to believe that," it really was only going to go one way.)

she's being confronted. why are you working? (for mulder). do you feel you owe him? (no, i need him).

she's really alone. she's sick. like, she's really sick. she spent the last case in the hospital. she's having a hard time keeping up. she's thinning, and bleeding, and struggling. but there she goes, every day, at every hour. monster chasing. telling him she's fine.

(so much conflict comes from the way that mulder's ignorance perfectly enables scully's repression)

when he shows up, late, at her apartment, he comes in a mile-a-minute, about how he needs her "help" on the case, before asking her what her doctor said. (her answer, of course, being, "i'm fine.")

he tells her that everyone who has seen an apparition, was dying. every person who reported a premonition, was near death themselves.

SCULLY: Harold Spuller is dying too?

MULDER: Well, that's what I need your medical opinion on.

SCULLY: Well, what if he isn't?

MULDER: I would be very surprised. What is a death omen if not a vision of our own mortality? And who among us would most likely be able to see the dead? 

this is one of the most hauntingly isolating moments of the series...he has just told her that she is going to die. and he doesn't know, that that's what he said. she is forced to process it, completely by herself. and she doesn't believe in ghosts, or "premonitions," but she knows that he is right. (when is he not?)

("maybe harold is sicker than we thought he was.")

the second moment that this episode builds to, is the final confrontation between mulder and scully. after the murder is solved. after harold dies.

SCULLY: I saw something, Mulder.

MULDER: What?

SCULLY: The fourth victim. I saw her in the bathroom before you came to tell me.

MULDER: Why didn't you tell me?

SCULLY: Because I didn't want to believe it. Because I don't want to believe it.

MULDER: Is that why you came down here, to prove that it wasn't true?

SCULLY: No, I came down here because you asked me to.

MULDER: Why can't you be honest with me?

SCULLY: (defensively) What do you want me to say? That you're right, that, that I believe it even if I don't? I mean, is that what you want?

MULDER: Is that what you think I want to hear?

SCULLY: (softly) No.

they come really...close here? to talking about it? she almost baits him several times this season. she spends so much of this arc thinking...maybe, this will be it. maybe if she fucks off on assignment, gets a tattoo with another man, he'll say it. maybe if she calls him out for never celebrating her birthday, he'll acknowledge why this is the year he did. maybe if they spend a friday night with a bottle of wine, they'll talk. maybe if she tells him, those things you believe are death omens? i saw it. he'll know.

i can't remember which one of you said that all of their arguments are just how to love each other. she doesn't want to believe. but she's there, because he has asked her to be. even in all of their repressed denial, there is no escaping what's happening. it hangs over both of them.

i love the moments in this arc where she just snaps. in this scene when she says, what do you want from me? do you want me to just believe you? and her quiet resignation, when he makes her answer her own question. no. she knows that's not what he wants.

MULDER: (his voice softens) I know what you're afraid of. I'm afraid of the same thing.

SCULLY: The doctor said I was fine.

MULDER: I hope that's the truth.

SCULLY: (whispers) I'm going home.

"i know what you're afraid of. i'm afraid of the same thing."

except, no, he doesn't. and no, they are not.

but she knows what he's afraid of, just as her therapist had known what she's afraid of ("your fear of failing him?") and so she dodges his admittance with reassurance. she's fine.

that last scene, when she goes out and cries in her car, and she sees harold's ghost in the backseat. she is so alone. she's working on her deathbed. they don't talk about it. she's afraid, and she's not fine, and she is going to "fail" him because she cannot keep herself alive for him, and she can't avoid it. it's in the backseat. it's in the bathroom mirror. it's bleeding out of her.

[jamrockshuffle]

tes·​ta·​ment noun a: a tangible proof or tribute b: an expression of conviction

spotify link / image credit

izzy hands playlist; annotations, tracklist, and details under the cut

Updated 10/16/2023: literally so much manchester orchestra towards the end. but it's MY playlist I'll do what I want

A lot of kind of emotional, dark, passionate ed/izzy in this. So just keep that in mind :) This playlist was started last year. I think all of the songs fit still, but if you're looking for the more season 2 oriented content, I will mark the songs added since it aired. Hope you enjoy! It's nearly six hours I think I have a disease.

As per the uzsh the genres run the gambit. don't say I didn't warn you - All This Time / The Beta Machine

When you rose up this morning Did you take it for granted That I'd be there when you woke? That I'd still be there when you woke? [...] If you want me to adore you Better get up off the floor now I've said all I've had to say But maybe there's some better way

- Lost at Sea / Kellermensch

The war is over and I lost I learned the hard way not to trust It's getting easier every day To watch you slip further away

- You Should Have Known I'd Leave / Vast

Love is cold Love is blind Love is a sea And I don't know what you want But I know it's not me

- Blown Minded / Young Galaxy

In my heart I have lived without aught It's been the war of attrition Between a small-minded fool And sublime intuition

- Breathe / Puscifer

honestly lads I don't know what to say it just goes ok sorry

- Holy My Hand / UNKLE

- Touched / Vast

The razors and the dying roses Plead I don't leave you alone The demi-gods and hungry ghosts Oh god, god knows I'm not at home I'll never find someone quite like you, again I'll never find someone quite like you, again

- The Rat / Dead Confederate

This fucking song. I added it over a year ago but holy shit, has season 2 made it that much crazier. Honestly the entire song is just so... i don't even know what to tell ya tbh I would paste the whole song here if I could Shoot from the back And take good aim Make sure I'm dead Bang Bang 'Cause I'm a rat There's no mistake Under the bed Where you sleep Crush the skull And make me tame Sweep it up Hide it away No morals shown In no way explained Stupid human Shit for brains I am going feral over this song and how it slides in so neatly for season 2 so far (as of posting this, episode 3) I'll follow you Into the grave And at the gates I see the passing say "The judge be judged And all the wretched be saved" I throw my curse All across your days <3 ty for coming to my ted talk

- Lovesong / Snake River Conspiracy

might be a little controversial since it's a cover of the original by the cure, but this is more the kind of music I tend to listen to so that's what's in the playlist lol.

- Structure of Love II (Renholdër Remix) / VOWWS

Take a look at me now Have I disappeared? Is this the structure of love? Are you in here? I can't get you out of my mind Your love is so hard to define

- Tusk / Fleetwood Mac

I've said it before, I'll say it again. PERFECT edizzy song. If you think this is a stede/ed song you're wrong get the fuck outta here

- Bleak / Death Machine

Hold my breath Known I am one of the walking dead you say In my chest, there is a bombing It's made of flesh it's made of flesh

- The End Is Begun / 3

Watch what you say Words can be heard from your grave Pluck from a fist full of straws You cannot resist your tragic flaws And you said what you said That I'd be better off dead Than be fed into the furnace Of the monster Shall I cry, shall I die Shall I be shot through the sky As I fly into the furnace Of the monster

- Breadwinner / BEA1991

- Martyr / Roniit, Saint Mesa

Drop all your hunger, kill your dues So give me shelter, give me proof I'll be the martyr and the muse All of your sorrow, I'll consume

- Man Overboard / Puscifer

- Ennoea / Keluar

- Complicated End Times / O'Brother

You can try and measure what I do By the sweat in my brow But you don’t know a thing about me You want to snuff the fire out

- Goliath / Woodkid

A sustained heart pain and a dark fever How did I get fooled by such a savage curse? The more I forgive you, the more it backfires Now you're dancing through the smoke like nothing else matters

- Beat And The Pulse / Austra

- Spellwork / Austra

I work alone saving my soul If yesterday hurts, tomorrow is worse Send me a sign, for my body's aligned I'm ready to waste all my limbs and my face My pores are wide open And bleed for your potion Spellwork and lies

- Feral Love / Chelsea Wolfe

Your eyes black like an animal Black like an animal Crossing the water Lead them to die

- Drift / So Below

Even if you change your mind It doesn't have to mean that it's over Even when the moment's gone I feel the same Even when you bite your tongue It doesn't have to mean that it's over Even if it all goes wrong I feel the same way, hey

- Dancer in the Dark / Scratch Massive

Where did you go? My mind is gone I'm dancing in the dark Just silent and grey It's just silent and grey

- The More I Sleep, The Less I Dream / We Were Promised Jetpacks

I lost all hope I left it with someone, some time, somewhere ago And I picture it now The house on the hill, with nobody wandering around And I cry like hell I'm hugging the floor and pretending there's somebody else The more I sleep The less I dream The closer I feel Oh my word I'm nothing but a curse Oh my word I'm nothing but a-

- Ship in a Bottle / fin

Oh, captain, let's make a deal Where we both say the things that we both really feel I feel scared and I'm starting to sink And I only sink deeper the deeper I think

- Toma / Puscifer

Stole my patience, stole my pride Snatched the rhythm from my stride Kicked my certainty up the middle Knocked the wind out of my romantic side Hopes and wishes set aflame What's your purpose here, whatcha hope to gain? Took my dignity, you took my dignity Burned a lover so earned an enemy

- The Shore / Woodkid

I walked all day along the shore I was made for loving you I drown my pain in alcohol How could you feel the same way too? My feet will not walk anymore So I guess you ought to know the truth I wonder what I am made for If I'm not meant to be with you

- Restless (16BL Remix) / UNKLE, Josh Homme

Well, I'm all restless but I don't care You don't like me much, well, me neither You go read my mind like some kind of God You live, let's have you trippin' on the same one you lost

- Ship To Wreck / Florence + The Machine

And, ah, my love remind me, what was it that I said? I can't help but pull the earth around me to make my bed And, ah, my love remind me, what was it that I did? Did I drink too much? Am I losing touch? Did I build a ship to wreck?

- Lies / CHVRCHES

Always, we can sing, we can make time Old songs, flood and flame, you could be mine But you got to show me both knees, skin and bone Clothe me, throw me, move me 'til I can sell you lies You can't get enough Make a true believer of Anyone, anyone, anyone I can call you up If I feel alone I can feed your dirty mind Like I know, like I know what you want

- The End / The Beta Machine

A million miles away from you this time I'll do what it takes I'm on my way If lines are in the sand I'll go under If I can make it in time I will bring you back with me If all that's left of you is in my head This is more than a bad dream The end of all I know

- Jealous Sea / MEG MYERS

This whole song... like bruh lmfao Everything's right, everything's wrong When you call my name I can't handle the thought of always being gone When I'm wearing this ring And I want to go out, I want to get drunk Being in love and I don't want to fight But nothing makes sense anymore And I don't think I can stop the jealousy When it comes, it comes like waves and I can't breathe And I don't think I can stop the jealousy When it runs, it runs like lightening through my teeth I want you to tell me what to do I want you to tell me what you need When you look at me like you do Don't leave, I just can't get enough I just can't get enough

- Holy Water / Zippermouth

I don't want you to save me from the demons only you seem to see But don't you dare take my pride away and strip me of my sanity I'm calling all of you out I'm calling out of you in To the party of unnatural sin And my imperfections scare you, I can see it in your eyes Water That burns my bastard mind 'Cause I can love as good as one can love someone In a perfect world is one I will love myself before I will love you

- Die For You / VALORANT, Grabbitz

Now there's only one thing I can do Fight until the end like I promised to Wishing there was something left to lose This could be the day I die for you

- Choke / Hybrid

I'm not explaining myself to you

- Give It Up / Black City Lights

The fever's own Filling in my bones and my blood It's enough But I still can't take it off It's sickening Hands around my neck And my chest is burning with my breathing

- Elijah / Blood Red Shoes

- Love You Wrong / Husky Loops

I've thought about it all along I am sure I love you wrong

- Autumn / Bear In Heaven

Silent romance guided by chance, just like everything Altogether would it ever suffocate the pain?

- Hands On The Bible / Local H

Hands on the Bible Scared like a child God holds you liable For what you've done Homicidal Stared down your idols A pretty baby Never born You can't believe it You didn't mean it But they saw you do it And they know your name

- Touch / July Talk

I want to make some space underneath my skin Cut me open, I can let you in Should I let myself be torn in two? And will you give into that side of you?

- Avalanche / Kosheen

He's nothing like me So wrong and wretched Your safe reality Is living in sketches And live out happiness With no explanation And peer out at the world

- A Long Time Away / Shearwater

A break in the clouds like a crack in a cylinder But now there's blood on the beach and a wreck in the water As the shadow arrives on the face of your innocence You feel the shock in your eyes and the shaking in your own hands

- It's No Good / Depeche Mode

Don't say you want me Don't say you need me Don't say you love me It's understood Don't say you're happy Out there without me I know you can't be 'Cause it's no good

- Always Right / Ramona Falls

God is in the things you love So don't you punch me with kid gloves

- No Tomorrow / The Birthday Massacre

Dedication to the ruin of the light within you Darkness all around It's so easy to let go of all the things that make you true Watch it all fall down You bait me, I follow And if this night feels hollow Then drown me in sorrow There will be no tomorrow

- Flood / Saltillo

I wanna watch you wreck all the paintings in my house As you run down my wall (Holes of my life) Wash away these things I never needed These papers and these clothes

- The Remedy / Puscifer

izzy @ stede bonnet tbh. well, in season 1 at least ;)

- Little One / Beck

Drown, drown, sailors run aground In a sea change, nothing is safe And strange waves push us every way In a stolen boat, we'll float away

- Becker / Autolux

That's delirium's way You know it seems so right All the entertainment they spray Atrocities contrite It brings you back again It finds you every time The blackest quote they spit into the tin can of your mind

- Eyelids / Saro

In my eyelids, I’ve tattooed your words To remember what I don’t deserve Could you be why I feel so empty?

- Found You / Django Django

I've heard my name spoken in vain so many times You called, well here I am, what is yours is mine There's nothing you won't sell But I don't want the wealth you made That's not what I returned for

- Darkness At The Heart Of My Love / Ghost

There's a darkness at the heart of my love That runs cold, runs deep

- Dangerous / Son Lux

I watch you fall Hollow and depleted A city razed Oh, to bury you beneath it

- Numb / MARINA

- Fear and Loathing / MARINA

- O My Heart / Mother Mother

And I throw my heart back to the ocean But it don't go far, it come back floating And I watch it wash it up with the dead fish But it ain't quite dead, it just is like this

- Bones / The Qemists, Kellermensch

Fearless: my heart Open my arms Laying on the dark isle Every way is down

- El Monstro / SkraeckOedlan

(There beyond the dawn we see you, but our longing is an agony) Där bortom gryningen vi ser dig, men våran längtan är ett kval (They have robbed you of your future, we belong together you and I) De har berövat dig din framtid, vi hör tillsammans du och jag

- Relocate / Kauf

Do you feel any better now? I'm trying to follow what you told me I'm just a dog, mystical empathy and carefree I can't forget the skin pulled tight, every letter read Is it your justice we never see? Do you feel any better now? Your father is lying where the bones are A little lost colony from the start I can't forget the skin pulled tight, every letter read Is it your justice we never see? We never see what only you can say We are ready for it

-> SONGS ADDED AFTER SEASON 2 STARTS HERE

- Before We Drift Away / Nothing But Thieves

- A Place To Call Home / Big Wreck

So how do you beg for what's your own Pick the pieces, lick the wounds Stoke the fire, fan the flame Squeeze the clouds until it rains Would you champion the cause? 'Til you find out what you've lost Who do you dare to call your own And where's the place that you call home?

- My Name Is Ruin / Gary Numan

My name is Ruin, my name is vengeance My name is no one, and no one is calling My name is Ruin, my name is heartbreak My name is lonely, my sorrow's a darkness

- Run From Me / Timber Timbre

- Symphony No. 7 in A Major, Op. 92: II. Allegretto / Beethoven

- Because the Night / Patti Smith

- Dear Brother / Puscifer

Reminiscing on our indestructible days The party never seemed to end We donkey punched the night away Some risky business, my friend Fortune seemed to favor us 'Round every dark and twisted bend

- The Moth / Manchester Orchestra

This song makes me so insane tbh Forced myself to take a different name Buried with metonymy Decide for me Throw the man you used to be away Bury him with rivalry entirely My entire life you've been obsessing with the light The closer that you get, the further up you've got to climb You wanna hear it hurt, you wanna feel it when he dies If you walk that path alone, you've got to look him in the eye

- Brevony / Ramona Falls

- Graveyard Shift / Battle Tapes

I fell asleep at the helm of a runaway train And laid myself at the feet of what I couldn't slay

- Black Cloud / POSTDATA

There's nothing outside, there’s nobody left There's nowhere to hide, nowhere to run or to forget No one to find you if you ever tried to And nobody tries to Sand in the sky, drowning in the wind Look in my eyes, mama, I've been contaminated Little by little by little, just a little bit Can you forgive me? Can you forgive me?

- Keel Timing / Manchester Orchestra

Yet another song that makes me insane. I put too much Manchester Orchestra in here but I'm living my best life Don’t let 'em in your bed, we're lying Don't let 'em in your bed, he is lying Little more, a little more, he is biting I was folding slowly frozen Changed for you And it wasn't right, but it wasn't wrong It was holy

- Pale Black Eye / Manchester Orchestra

This entire Song is so fucking wild I don't have yours or mine I don't hurt you like I used to Amy, you must be tired cause when you sleep, you sleep alone And understand the throne Cause if he didn't pay what he had paid I'd undeniably become erased So whatever you want Take whatever you need And bite your veins Bleed your pain Into me Goddamn I'm tired of lying I wish I loved you like I used to So hold on, you pale black eye Cause when I sleep, I sleep alone

- Strawberry Letter 23 / Shuggie Otis

- Pygmy Love Song / Francis Bebey

- In The Dark / Cathedrals

I can see you fall apart You turn away and fade out of sight But I hear you call in the night Let it go, let me hold you this time (don’t say a word)

- The Sailor Song / Autoheart

ty @soundless-storm for the suggestion :) I was your sailor, your demon, your lover Your overbearing best friend Hoping for some attention

- Megalomaniac / Aeseaes

Eye to thigh as he sharpens his blade Thick sweat, sick salt, lead bellyaches I don’t know what I’ve been drinking Dripping dread as all the lights start scrеaming Seven-inch steel bolt fed to thе head Now is then and I am now bound to forget The devil wears a cotton dress over his gun Jagged mumbles wispy warbles blushing in the sun

- Rule #9 - Child of the Stars / Fish in a Birdcage

You were a wanderer Back when you were young I remember your eyes were clear Brighter than the sun With hands so soft Delicate and sweet You learned to fall And balance on your own two feet I could only lead you so far I believe in who you are

- Vessel / Dan Mangan + Blacksmith

There are other lyrics in this song that are good too but this just reminds me of 2x01 when Izzy tells Fang to unhand him when he starts to cry Stop Wait Un Hand Me

- Cover Me / Black Math

One hand above the skin My head below the water As I float in the deep As I float in the deep

- Let It Storm / Manchester Orchestra

This is very post 2x04. For the new unicorn :) I don't wanna hold back my faith anymore I don't wanna fall into that man again I just wanna keep both my feet on the floor So let it touch me And let it storm

- Disciple / IAMX

Sorry this song is kind of a lot lol Disciple, I absolve you So forgive yourself enough to obey the naked truth That you need to be owned And you beg to be controlled

- Bed Head / Manchester Orchestra

This song is SO season 2 ed/izzy it makes me so insane it's the entire fucking song tbh I'm posting most of the song lyrics sorry. "Bed Head" is two old friends existing in two separate realities. It's a conversation about the lives they lived, the consequences of life's decisions, and finding purpose in trying to be better. Arguing with the dead I'm not alone but it sure feels like someone left Deaf notes and talking heads Carrying on your debt Blood on the bed head and volumes you left unsaid Let 'em talk and let it habit, now I'm afraid you're alone Oh, my God Let me relinquish and start to distinguish my past, and my time You and I are oil and fire, so Oh, my God Let me extinguish the habit, the sequence, the loss in my mind Now I believe in the ghost Ghost Clawing against your skin Clutching my neck said, "It's all supposed to end like this" You and I are panoramic Now I'm afraid of the ghost [...] Right by the entrance, you broke Finally, reality's taking its hold You're not who you were, but you can't let it go You're not where you're from, but you're always alone So I stick a flag in the ground I think I know who I'm living for now I am what I am, same above as the ground It's not what I want, but I'm figuring it out

I'll keep updating the annotations as I have free time :) the playlist is almost 80 songs long and growing lol. Enjoy!

[toxicshipsincorporated]

Im dying why is the atla live actions series SO BAD.

Not Katara responding to Aang having a literal mental breakdown because he just found out his whole people were GENOCIDED by telling him that it will make him stronger??? Don't know if right now is a good time for a spin, Katara. People are dead, Katara.

Like in the original show, the moment when Aang realizes his people are gone is treated as a moment of true horror and sorrow. If I am remembering right, the episode ends on a silent and solemn note as Katara and Sokka (two people are victims of an albeit much slower genocide) comfort Aang in his moment of grief. It isnt until Book II that we re-address the genocide of the original Air Nomads in a less sorrowful light (I wouldn't even say its positive, its a balanced mindset) in which Guru Pathik suggests that the love Aang had for his people can be redirected and reborn in a love for his friends, for Katara and the for the current world.

Can you imagine if right after finding the skeletal remains of his father figure, Aang had a cry, Katara, instead of comforting her friend by silently acknowledging his pain and grief, tells him he is gonna see sooooo many gains from his loss so its basically a win. and then, Aang just nods resolutely and is like, "yeah!!! Ur right Katara!!! My people's sacrifice can't go to waste! I'm gonna save the world!!!"

You know...like a child who just realized not just his entire family has been systematically and brutally murdered but also the entire population of their whole town would say!

Like...I don't mind changes. Any adaptation will have changes. But...I take issue with just...extremely bad writing that has characters behave in a way that no human would.

They just dont wanna put in the time or effort to create something good and want to make a quick buck off of nostalgia.

[is-on-its-way]

Elegiac

Post-Episode: s04e22 Elegy

Elegy: A mournful or plaintive poem; a funeral song; a poem of lamentation. Elegiac: Expressing sorrow or mourning.

Part of the Scully is a human Series

---

MULDER: You can believe what you want to believe, Scully, but you can't hide the truth from me because if you do, then you're working against me ... and yourself. (his voice softens) I know what you're afraid of. I'm afraid of the same thing.  'SCULLY: The doctor said I was fine.  'MULDER: I hope that's the truth.  'SCULLY: (whispers) I'm going home.

Scully parked on the street on the side of her building. The clock read 2:30 in the morning. She'd driven aimlessly for three whole hours then. Nothing like a drive to quell the certainty with which she now knew her future. She didn’t want to believe it. She couldn’t. But the second vision, seeing Harold, was like a confirmation after the argument she and Mulder had had. She couldn’t deny it now.

She unlatched her seatbelt and leaned back in her seat. She snorted laughing at the preposterous nature of actually wearing a seatbelt when she was in fact dying. She sighed rubbed her face in her hands and tried to throw off the feeling of losing touch with reality that had come unbidden since she first looked into the rearview three hours ago. 

She thought of Mulder to ground herself again. Mulder had been horrible to her, mean and impatient when she had finally told him shed seen a vision of the dead girl. He'd thought she was deliberately keeping it from him and he was angry she wouldn't be open with him. But he'd missed the fact she couldn't, didn't want to admit the truth to herself. She was dying and he had been so mean. 

She opened her car door and stepped out. It was drizzling and the wind was howling, her long coat blew around her in the wind. She breathed deeply, head towards the sky. She loved a nighttime rainstorm. The scent in the air. Nothing was better. Shed miss this when… She lowered her head as she locked her door and made to head inside.

Scully turned the corner to her hallway, and found a figure slumped against her door. Head bent leaning on the door frame. Knees to his chest like a little boy. Scully didn’t even have to focus her eyes to know it was Mulder. She felt a pang, at leaving him waiting for so long. 

When she reached him, her long coat brushing his fingers. “Scully?” He looked up at her with bleary bloodshot eyes. Slightly puffy from what looked like crying

She kneeled down on the floor next to him. Placing a hand on his knee “Mulder” she whispered back “How long have you been here?” 

“I came to check on you. But you weren’t home I figured I'd wait, but you never came. I thought…” He looked up at her “What time is it?”

She stooped and pulled on his elbows, “Come on lets go inside” she said. He rose awkwardly and waited for her to open her door leaning on the door frame, head bowed.

“Mulder you have my key, next time just wait inside.” 

Mulder followed her inside and was looking down. “Okay” he said

She placed a hand on his shoulder and led him to the couch. She sat on the coffee table in front of him. 

“What is it Mulder?”

“I was worried and I… I didn’t want to leave it like that, I… My need for truth or justice I don’t know, takes over my sensibility sometimes and I say the worst things I could possibly say in a situation calling for understanding and empathy.” He looked at her, cheeks wet. “Im sorry I said those things to you, you could’ve… and it would’ve been the last things I said to you.”

Scully’s chin wrinkled and her brows lifted in emotion and concern. “Mulder Im not dying in the next three seconds”

“We don’t know that Dana” 

Her heart dropped. This was her fear as well and shed tried to ignore it for the better part of three hours while driving. Mulder saying it aloud broke the last remaining bit of restraint. Her chin quivered.

“Well in the spirit of telling you everything, I… I saw Harold” she whispered

“When?” Mulder’s head cocked to the side brow furrowed.

“When I got to my car, I… I didn't know what to do after that so I just drove around a while…” she blinked and looked away from him, tears in her eyes determined not to break down completely.

Mulder’s face crumpled and he reached for her, wrapping her in a hug. “Im sorry, Im so sorry.”

She let him envelop her in a bear hug her legs between his. They both cried into each other, for what they were losing. Emotions kept together until the proof was too much to ignore. When they had calmed a bit Scully moved to the couch Mulder still hugging her, she rested her head against his chest. Mulder stroked her hair absentmindedly. And there they fell asleep. Scully curled on the couch head on Mulder’s lap. Mulder with his legs stretched out on the coffee table. 

She stirred at the hint of the rising sun. Got up and threw the crocheted throw her mother had made her, over him. 

She headed to the bathroom used it and washed her hands. She looked at herself in the mirror. She wondered at her face. She’d never know herself as an old woman, with wrinkles, or saggy skin. Things she'd once worried about now seemed coveted. She wondered if she would have looked similar to her grandmother, her mothers mother. She'd never have a family, or grandchildren to leave behind. It was too much. She turned away from her image. 

She let out a sob and covered her mouth to try to stifle the sound. She didn’t want to wake Mulder. She sank to the bathroom floor, filled with wracking shaking silent sobs. 

A stirring told her Mulder was searching for her. “Scully?” Closer now. “Scully?” At the door “Oh Scully.”

She felt herself being lifted gently off the floor and carried to her bedroom. He placed her on the bed and pulled a blanket over her. He held her hand to his lips and knelt by her bedside. She continued to sob. She breathed in gasping for air.

She found his face with her eyes. and said as if she were a scared child afraid of being yelled at. “I don’t want to leave you alone”. 

Something inside him broke at the sound of her voice and he blinked tears back. Of all the things she should be worried about this wasn't what he'd expected. Mulder swallowed and looked down at her, stroking her cheek and then her hair. “Dana...” He whispered, tears falling down his cheeks. His voice broke as he said "I'll be okay." 

She calmed after a while, spent, and breathed “Hold me? Please?”

Mulder got up and climbed over her. He slid his arm under her and wrapped her in his arms. There was nothing romantic in this embrace, no angst or misinterpretations. Just a desperate need for comfort in each other and the loss they both felt. Scully fell asleep fitfully. Mulder stayed awake and watched her breathe in and out, afraid she wouldn’t survive the sunrise. 

She woke bathed in comfort and warmth. Fully relaxed and peaceful. She opened her eyes and realized she was in Mulder’s arms, her head rested against his chest. She felt his steady deep breathing. 

Her heart sank as the events of last night came flooding back into her consciousness. Her brow furrowed. ‘No’ she thought to herself pushing her thoughts away, she wanted the peace she had woken up to back. Her body still felt relaxed and warm, she willed her mind to be calm too. Shed done enough panicked crying for the rest of her short life. She looked out the window and listened to the birds and Mulder’s rhythmic breathing. 

When he stirred, itching his nose, she turned to look at him. He peaked at her with one eye open to the bright light. “You’re still here” he said sarcastic

She giggled, glad he was making light of the situation. She sat up and turned to look down at him. 

“Mulder, thank you for helping me last night.” She said, serious “I think Im going to go back to the doctor and get checked out again, just to be sure.” 

 “Do you want me to come with you?” 

“No Ill be fine. I just want to go back to normal, pretend like this isn't happening and work as long as I can with you.”

Mulder took her hand and squeezed it “That will make you happy?”

“That will make me happy” She said nodding

 “Okay… Well I should probably get out of your bed.”

She laughed again. They both got up

“Do you want coffee?” She asked

Mulder yawned and nodded heading for the bathroom

“Theres an extra toothbrush under the sink” she called as she headed for the kitchen. 

End.

@today-in-fic

[dangermousie]

Farscape rewatch - Sons and Lovers, 3x02

“Sons and Lovers” is one of my favorites, in some ways. For Farscape it is a light, happy ep, much needed before the sorrow of the coming two parter, then the bleakness of Different Destinations and all the queasiness starting with Eat Me. Of course, by standards of most other shows, this would be a heavy, serious ep: Zhaan is still dying, D’Argo finds out his son and his gf cheated with each other etc. But it is not like that at all, and not just because of razor sharp writing (some of the best, sharpest dialogue of the season is in this ep.) Zhaan is dying but not gone, and there is hope she will find a proper planet and heal. No one is dead or driven insane. No one is even hunting Moyans this time, and you can’t even say they are merely at the wrong place at the wrong time because they end up saving the situation so it’s good for people at the station they ended up there. No one important dies, and the death toll is super low even for the extras. It is, in Moya terms, a good day. In a way, this whole episode is about three romantic relationships, all in a state of flux. There are John and Aeryn, just beginning, in their giddily hopeful-tentative dance (soon to get complicated with Eat Me enormously, of course). There are Zhaan and Stark, a relationship ending, through outside forces: through Zhaan’s impending death. And there are Chi/D’Argo, exploding in a messy, neuron bomb kind of way. It is also an episode drenched in sex. Not just, on a most obvious level, Chiana and Jothee, both acting out through their betrayal of D’Argo, but also the sex that John and Aeryn are not having, and the self-gratification Rygel indulges in (I never got it before, but when he is watching Chi/Jothee on the holovid, he is stroking his eyebrows which is his equivalent of you know what.)   You know, my favorite scene in this ep is actually…well, actually it’s two scenes. One is Zhaan and Stark in the bar, with Zhaan telling Stark to stop fussing because ‘I am dying, Stark, I am not an invalid’ (OMG Zhaan love - so very tough, always.) 

And also his seeing the lesions on her head and realizing that her disease progressed much faster than they thought and the helpless distraughtness and his insistence despite it all that they will find a place for her to heal (is he, like John, holding on so unimaginably tightly to his OTP because she is the one thing he has left?) 

And then that quote, when she tells him about helping her to pass on is the one thing he can do, and he is an expert (btw, seriously, I bet he was fucked up even before the Aurora Chair, that sounds like a gift no one would want to have). And his reply ‘I am an expert on dying, I am just not an expert on you dying.’ 

Well…soon you will become an expert on this, Stark. Ok, must think happy thoughts, happy thoughts. This is a happy ep, if I say it enough it will be true. But honestly, Stark breaks my heart in this ep and not just because Paul Goddard is gorgeous. (I am finding a man with no hair and half his head in a metal mask hot, Good Lord.) But neat points to the writers for little touches of character consistency, as when Stark tips those servitors some enormous tip and is all communist about ‘servants are never paid enough.’ I think his dislike of exploitation is pretty personal: guy is a former slave after all. The other favorite scene is in the conduits, John and Aeryn discussing the sex they are not having. This is the first time we see them after the mutual love confession and the crazy, incredible kiss. And their chemistry is as thick as ever, but what I am noticing is the sheer amount of physical contact, of joyfully matter-of-fact invasion of each other’s personal space that is in this ep, from their hands nearly touching when she shows off her new ammunition, to her sitting by him, as she comes in (and of course, when there is the storm, Aeryn is the one John yells for, first, to make sure she is OK, just like Stark is doing same with Zhaan). And then in the conduits, I love the scene where Aeryn basically offers pure sex, no emotional attachment necessary. She says they can have sex and to be emotionally detached. I have to say, I so do not follow the lady’s logic here. Point one, she and John love each other, and have admitted said fact to each other. Point two, now they are going to have sex, if she has her way. But how are you not having a relationship if you are in love and you are friends and you are having sex? Whaaaat?

I don’t think she connected the dots and desperately trying to compartmentalize. I suppose she can be hoping that their love is only lust which will pass if they do it, but they have done it already and she doesn’t seem to want to deny she loves him, she just doesn’t want to act on it, but isn’t sleeping with the man you love and who loves you back, acting on it? How is it supposed to work? She is all ‘I don’t need emotions’ but she already has them, she shares Crichton’s feelings. Oh, poor Aeryn, feeling her way in the dark. Plus, there is the simple fact that she always found John attractive, on a purely physical level, way before any love stuff. Heh, girl is frustrated. I do think John should have taken her up on the offer (as Chi said in LATP in S2, he should go ‘fast with the body and slow with the soul’ with Aeryn, and Chi should know stuff like that). But instead, he doesn’t and his line of ‘I got two hands, I can alternate’ when rejecting is one of my ep faves (of course he’s the one who wants feelings and she’s the one who wants only sex. I love the constant stereotype reversal.)  Not to mention how close they are to each other there, and all the touching is driving them both nuts, and making me a little hot too. It’s a combustible scene. And then she starts taking off her shirt before falling into a hole. Awww. I do love that he totally wants to take her up on that offer at the end of the ep but before he can say so, she tells him he was right and they should hold off. Good Luck, guys. And they are mutually grinning at each other, and they tell Rygel to shut up in unison, while grinning, and OMG, I love my ship so much. On non-shippy front, it is fun to see Crichton legend being born/formed (as that security chick recites it, greatly distorted). And fun to see the boy get a bit smashed in the bar. He needs it. I also love his ‘no patience with this crap’ for the fanatical religious security chick villain. If you think about it, he has a right to be fed up. Not only were they down there for r&r, but she is total small fry, comparatively, so it’s annoying having to deal with this.

  Let’s see, what else? I love Pilot’s evil cackle as he spaces villain girl. It’s so interesting though, because in the beginning, death of evil an awful person bugged John, but no more. His compassion is shrinking, isn’t it? But did I mention my love for competent, sane, not tormented Crichton? So much love. And then there is the betrayal of D’Argo plot. I feel horrid for D’Argo (love the John and D’Argo bonding scene outside, so much though. In a way, they have such a best buddy thing). I have to say though, while Chi might be a sucky gf, she is generally a loyal friend, a brave person, and a useful crewmate. None of which I can say for Jothee (look at their different reactions when Moya is in a crisis, he is useless. Or when D finds out about cheating, Chi tells D it’s her fault, not Jothee’s, as Jothee just stands there like a tree). But of course, he leaves, shamed by his actions, to grow and be worthy, and he actually becomes that, see his return in PKW. I love that possibility of grace. Even for Crais, and obviously so much more reachable for Jothee. Oh, and Rygel. I love the obnoxious, hilarious little toad.

Next ep: Zhaan, oh no! And Jool, oh yes! (A lot of people don’t like Jool but even before I liked her by her own rights, I thought she was a great comic relief from the darkness. You enjoyed her getting in trouble. Plus, if I was stranded on a ship of alien criminals in space, I am afraid I’d be more Jool, less John).  

[nonnydog]

D gray man is an… odd watch. Funky. Interesting?

Im on episode 7 so far, though I watched the entire series years ago. (Spoilers for ep1-7 under break, assuming i did the break properly)

Analysis and reflection time!

—

I like the tones—the 1800s gothic, demon, punk etcetc its very cool vibes. Esp with the music. The show reminds me quite a lot of the twilight zone so far. I remember there being a much bigger plot, but I think its too early to tell that yet.

So far, Lalas story occured. The biggest thing I remember is the tragedy of it all—the “land forsaken by god”, the doll made by lonely humans who leave her lonely, her connection with Guzol. The singing, god the singing. Very good music use again. Its a horribly sad story, but in a way, Allen our mc eases it. Though he cries at the end (“for sorrow”) he has allowed them to fulfill their last wish. And Guzol was dying anyway—perhaps Allan gave Lala a gift, by not allowing her to continue the life of loneliness she had before him. Its still a sad story, though.

Similarly, Johns story. Hes self righteous but well-meaning and this story also appeared a tragedy to me at first. The boy with an absentee father (more or less) desperately clinging to what little he has left of the man (the exorcist/akuma research), which leads to the death of his best friend Leo and his own lost “””innocence”””. [this could arguably parallel Allans story which is also presented in this ep. Mana as the father, but dead. The akuma incident and curse being both his loss and finding of “innocence”, and his exorcist teenagehood being his desperate clinging. Just a thought. Our leo could be paralleling that] However, as one of the characters points out later, Allan saved John. He wouldve been dead without him. Again, our mc turns smth that wouldve been a total tragedy into something… less tragic, though still impactful.

Not sure where this series is going as far as like, big boi thesis meaning. Its def got one, with the whole “human condition”, tragedy, death and humanity and god and innocence yadadadadada. Im just… not sure exactly where yet.

Um… just a note, here. I dont know if I like dgm yet. The writings kinda meh. Lots of exposition, poorly executed. Also I thought the Earl was like our big baddie? Hes in ep 7? Feeling genuinely (at least he seems to be) threatened by like a 7 yo? Kinda… not the best debut. Not rlly feeling Mr Earl. I like Mana though.

Gonna keep watching for now, and def watch Hallow at some point (even if i have to read lore wikis to keep up). Lets see where this goes.

[thegooberman678]

Why? Why was I chosen for this specific task?

I hate the thought that living is the cause of the greatest cause of death for those who do not care for it. I have been fighting to live before I realized why I had to live. According to those who say ‘life has meaning’ but only fall short for those who see life as a smear on their lives. I myself hate living yet I've been living on, for something and someone. That someone I'm not sure but maybe I’ll find them hopefully soon. That something is a little more childish, to create a living pokedex for pokemon, is something I have yet to achieve, not even with the older games. But finding a reason to keep living has been harder and harder to find. I keep looking for another reason. I have a huge trip and the tickets are non-refundable. I have a concert I've been dying to go to, I have to dance in a performance and what would they do without me if they can’t fill my slot? Except all of those thoughts become null when I remember that if I'm dead none of that would matter due to that simple fact. I’m no longer here to see the consequences of my death, those who thought they knew me and pretend to know me in death, those who loved me and mourn my loss, and those who mock me and are glad I’m no longer around. Thinking about self harm has been more and more prevalent for me, the knife I still have in my room shines brightly with its sharp blade waiting for my skin to rub across it and to have my blood drip down its handle and down my hand as I hold it to my throat and finally letting out one final tear thinking how I’ll no longer be a burden to myself or others.I hope to never have to see this day of sorrow. I only cut myself on purpose once before, and the pain made me realize that was only way for me to really feel something. But wanting to cut myself then forced me to realize that cutting was not a good way to actually feel something. Another moment i remember was when i was in bootcamp i had a similar incident where my thoughts became louder than i wanted and i ended up confessing to a flight mate who ended up helping me get the help i needed that would help me get through bootcamp. Another mistake i made in life was joining the military which caused me to have some of my worst thoughts and also had my first major episode of depression which was while i was in bootcamp, second when i was being bullied and harassed from my classmates during my time at tech school just because i was the only openly queer person in class. My third was around this time last year when i had a suicidal moment because i had really contemplated ending it all, but something came to my mind in a moment of clarity i had needed to call someone, and for some reason i had called my first sergeant and she helped but that whole time i felt i had to act a certain way to give off that i was in crisis but to make it believable i couldn’t just be deadpan and emotionless the whole cause it then make them think that i don’t care that i want to commit suicide but wanted to just waste their time instead, but the real reason was because my only emotion was nothing and i felt i had to put on a mask of emotions to come across as genuine. But even though it sounded like I wasn't serious about the thought of my death, except I was very serious about it I just couldn’t care that my death was close by. I was more relieved that it was close to happening.

[thepiratearcinhamlet]

Dead Apple Explanation:

Part Six: Dazai & the Antidote; also Soukoku

---------

WARNING. If you do NOT want spoilers, then please do not keep reading. :)

Now, I know there was some definite confusion about the whole pill/apple/knife/stabby/death/ thing, so here goes:

The pill was an antidote for the poison that was inside the apple, and subsequently on the knife that had been sheathed inside the apple. The pill wasn't dissolvable - it needed to be cracked open, much like a cyanide pill. Dazai secreted the pill in his mouth before he went to Draconia, knowing he would need it later. In order to defeat Draconia and return separated abilities to users who were still alive, Dazai's ability needed to create a singularity. Except the only way for Shibusawa to take possession of an ability stone was to kill the user. However, the gem is harvested as you are /dying/. It doesn't wait for you to be completely dead, pulse gone, etc. etc. Shibusawa stabbed Dazai with the poisoned knife, but Dazai couldn't take the antidote just yet, or his ability would return to him. The knife was not long enough to reach his heart, and not even in the right spot. The poison would kill Dazai before the knife would. Dazai passed out, and was sucked into the dead apple that eventually transformed into a Dragon of Chaos.

Note: The novel says that he dies, and also refers to his corpse, but the novel ALSO likes to use devious language to confuse the reader, (i.e. the bar scene, where it makes the readers think it was a suicide pill, not an antidote.) It is POSSIBLE, that the pill was some form of antidote, and Chuuya's Corruption punch acted as a defibrillator, but that would give Chuuya only six minutes max from the minute Dazai was stabbed to agree to Ango's terms, arrive at Draconia, kill the Dragon, and hit Dazai, (otherwise the brain incurs extreme damage or is unrevivable.) It's more plausible to assume Dazai was simply dying and in an almost comatose state. Anyways.

When Chuuya activated Corruption to defeat the dragon and find Dazai, he clearly knew what to do - smack Dazai gently enough NOT to kill him, but firmly enough to crack the pill in his mouth, so the antidote would activate, Dazai would revive, and Chuuya's Corruption could be shut off. If you ask me, Dazai had been forming a potential plan for this ever since he discovered "apple suicide". He had one of Fyodor's apples and knives, and had created an antidote, and Chuuya knew what to do. Dazai probably knew that one day he would confront Shibusawa, and it was good to have an antidote - and in case he couldn't administer it himself, Chuuya could do it for him. Chuuya probably thought he was nuts back then, but Soukoku's trust runs deep - Chuuya remembered. (P.S. After writing this, I saw an interview with the authors/creators of Dead Apple, and it was confirmed that Chuuya knew Dazai's motives/plans.)

Which brings up what I mentioned earlier about the Port Mafia knowing more about Shibusawa than anyone, including the Agency and Special Division. Near the climax of Dead Apple, Mori comments that this must all be part of Dazai's calculations. Chuuya knows exactly what to do to save Dazai. Akutagawa knew how to regain his ability, (i.e. destroying the ability stone.) And Mori knew enough of Dazai's plan to authorize Chuuya to answer Ango's summons to Special Division. (He mentions this at the end of Dead Apple, when he says Dazai was the star of the show, but Chuuya gets life-long bragging rights and the peace of the city.)

At the end of the last episode of S2, Dazai and Hirotsu discuss what happened and what is to come. Dazai mentions "the demon" who has returned, meaning Fyodor. He also mentions how he thinks an alliance might be necessary between Atsushi and Akutagawa, and even mentions how powerful he and Chuuya were back in his Port Mafia days. As evidenced in the Prologue, Hirotsu was gathering his own information about Shibusawa, per Mori's orders. It's very likely that Dazai and Hirotsu discussed Shibusawa, since he was connected with Fyodor, and exchanged information and possible plans, and that is why the Port Mafia was in the know and the Agency and Special Division were not.

SO YEAH. Hopefully that clears up the whole antidote/dying thing, as well as the Port Mafia being so much in the know.

A couple more notes on Chuuya and Dazai:

It's worth mentioning that even in his Corruption state, which he usually cannot control, Chuuya was able to remember Dazai, (he screams his name as he dives into the exploding Dragon,) and hit him /just perfectly/. Corruption punches create black holes and destroy pretty much anything. Yet, somehow, Chuuya was able to control Corruption to hit Dazai but not kill him. When Chuuya told Ango he needed to save Dazai to smack him, he meant that literally. *cue more feels*

Also, remember how I said earlier that not everyone's ability was affected by Shibusawa's? Fyodor, Dazai, and Chuuya appear to be the exceptions who can resist or are immune. Dazai's ability is, in his words, "an anti-ability", and therefore could cancel out Shibusawa's effects. Fyodor's ability was so much a part of himself, that the ability could not separate itself from his individuality. Chuuya's ability is ALSO a huge part of himself, but its core comes from Arahabaki, which can resist Shibusawa. When Chuuya collapses, Dazai tells him to stay put, because Shibusawa isn't dead, and Chuuya is in no condition to fight his own ability, and Dazai isn't up for it either. Chuuya wasn't immune, but could resist - his loss of strength after Corruption would cause his resistance to wane, but with Dazai touching him, For The Tainted Sorrow would be nullified, therefore cancelling out Shibusawa's ability on BOTH of them. The animation reflects this, causing a very light glow to emanate from Dazai, enveloping Chuuya as well, as the mist swirls around them. *even more feels*

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 16 part one

(Masterpost of All the Recaps)  (Canary’s Pinboard)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes

All righty, this one is going to be a laff riot...not. Let's do it.

The first half of this episode is like a beautifully executed standalone tragedy, while also threading together all sorts of themes and paying off all sorts of relationship building that's happened in the previous episodes. My hat is off to the writers, while I also shake a fist at them for making me cry an unreasonable amount.

We’re Sailing on a Strange Boat

The episode starts right off absolutely DESTROYING me with the Yunmeng brothers holding hands, fingers interlaced, in the first of many hand-touching moments that punctuate the episode.

Jiang Cheng has to be pretty far gone to accept this degree of comfort and tenderness. I think, from their positions, he is also holding Yanli's hand out of the camera's view. 

Zidian finally lets the trio go, and they immediately turn the boat around and head back to Lotus Pier. Wei Wuxian gets the clever idea to turn the benches into makeshift oars but nobody gets the clever idea to use magic to push the boat like they do literally every other time they are in a boat. 

Their emotional need to go back to Lotus Pier is understandable, but they are being disobedient and irresponsible by doing it. Jiang Cheng is the future of the clan, and should not risk his life, particularly after his mother chose to sacrifice herself to protect him and after both of his parents told him to go hide with his sister and personal bodyguard brother. 

On the other hand, Jiang Fengmian, as clan leader, probably had a duty to go into hiding himself rather than go home to die romantically, so his authority is questionable at this point. Anyway, this is the Jiang Clan, they get to kind of do what they want, except when that pisses Jiang Cheng off.

Lotus Pier Massacre

Back at Lotus Pier, the Wens are kicking Jiang ass. The fight choreography is pretty good, taking full advantage of walkways, railings, pools, and other features of the environment. 

Using the set this way always makes fights feel more kinetic and real, as opposed to simply sparring in an open area. 

(more after the cut)

Yu Ziyuan is fighting adequately with a sword, having given her preferred weapon to her son.  She's clearly been at it for a while, and is tiring; the Wen soldiers are starting to land more and more sword blows but no critical hits yet.

Wen Zhuliu is kicking ass and possibly melting cores, although we don't see him do it to anybody yet. Later we'll hear from Jiang Cheng that he crushed the cores of his parents, but it's not clear when that happens.

Sixth young master replays Jiang Fengmian's entire archery lesson in his head while he waits, and waits, for Wen Zhuliu to finish strangling a dude the right moment to shoot an arrow at Wen Zhuliu. 

Homicidal tart Wang Lingjiao notices him lining up a shot, strolls over, and stabs him in the back while he's still thinking about what Jiang Fengmian said. One could wish that JFM's archery lessons weren't quite so wordy. 

Wang Linjao normally doesn't carry a sword because of her low spiritual power, but apparently can use one just fine when she's killing kids.

If you start feeling like this episode is unreasonably painful, just think of it as building up calluses so you can handle Yi City when the time comes.

Jiang Fengmian to the Rescue

Jiang Fengmian shows up very far past the nick of time, although he is not actually useful, so it's questionable whether arriving earlier would have helped. But his wife is glad to see him.

Netflix subtitles say that Jiang Fengmian calls Yu Ziyuan "My Lady!" which sounds courtly and romantic in English. His actual words are "San Niangzi" which hunxi-gullai breaks out here.  I might render this as "lady wife!" rather than "my lady" but I don't think English really has a perfect equivalent.

Jiang Fengmian sails across the courtyard, knocking down a few Wen soldiers and becoming a young, slender man in the process.

I mean, come on, that stunt double does not look like a boxy middle-aged man from any angle.

The Dying Bit

The episode splits up the big death scene for dramatic effect but I'm recapping it all together to keep things simple.

Within moments of arriving, Jiang Fengmian gets shanked by Wen Zhuliu like Scatman Crothers in The Shining (or Groundskeeper Willie in The Shinning).

Wen Zhuliu stops a Wen soldier from finishing JFM off, just so that a different Wen soldier can deliver the killing blow from the back, which is kinda harsh. With all this spin-fighting there is probably not an implication of cowardice when someone dies from a stab in the back, but still. Too rude, Wen Zhuliu.

Yu Ziyuan sees Jiang Fengmian fall, and after having a moment of sorrow and despair, she stabs herself in the heart, falls down, crawls to him and interlaces her hand with his. He revives just enough to give her hand a squeeze and say "San Niangzi" one last time before dying. 

She dies next, with a smile on her face at the end. The soundtrack plays that amazing "horribly emotional death scene" music that isn't one of the tracks available on the OST, argh. This same music appears at the end of Xue Yang's story.  

Of the many things I love about the Untamed, the complexity of all the minor characters is possibly my favorite. These two people suck at parenting, and suck at being married, and ultimately suck at protecting and leading their clan, making stupid, selfish choices at every step of the building conflict. 

And then they have this incredibly romantic death scene, in which they both face the inevitability of failure, and find comfort in failing together. Yet their death scene is totally in keeping with who we know them to be, and who they are to each other; the drama doesn't cheat by making them ideal lovers or great people at the end. But they have a great, great moment.

Jiang Yanli, waiting in the woods while her brothers are presumably running toward Lotus Pier, drops her lotus pendant, which is made of the loudest jade ever discovered, and it breaks with a crash.  

Yanli, who is a well educated young lady, knows a moment of doomy symbolism when she sees it.

Jiang Yanli: Who put a giant rock out here in the woods? What are the odds I’d drop my pendant directly on it? 

It’s all Over Except for the Crying, Running and Choking

The brothers climb up on the roof and are shocked to see nothing but Wen soldiers and piled up Jiang corpses... 

...including one child who is either about to become a zombie or who is being played by a young actor who can't control their curiosity, judging by the way this eye is sneakily opened while the camera is running.

There's a moment where Jiang Cheng is saying they must have spared his parents, they must be okay, where Wei Wuxian's face is just...wow. You can see right here the gulf in life experience between these two. 

Wen Zhuliu roams around looking troubled while searching for more people to kill. He’s an interesting villain; someone who believes his loyalty to his boss makes him a good guy, but knows his boss is a bad guy. 

Then we are treated to a hell of a camera move, where it tracks over Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian together on the floor, heroic in death and still holding hands, and then sweeps up to show their killers sitting on the lotus throne. 

The dead couple were at odds for their whole lives together, while the evil people who killed them are acting like devoted lovebirds. It's a stunning shot and a terrific thematic contrast. When Wei Wuxian eventually comes to take his vengeance, he will spend some time turning Wen Chao and Wang Lingjiao against each other, before ending them. 

The camera shows us JC's reaction, then shows his mother, then WWX’s reaction, then JF; each reacting to the death of the person who loved them. Some folks may feel that Jiang Fengmian actually did love Jiang Cheng but was just bad at showing it. But Jiang Cheng doesn't think so, and I don't think it's a given that parents love their children.

Side note: Macroexpression king Wang Zhuocheng is able to open his eyes so far that a giant strip of white shows above his irises, and keep them like that, which is quite a trick. Try it yourself.

Meanwhile Wang Lingjiao and Wen Chao gossip about YZY and JFM's bad marriage. Wen Chao admires YZY's beauty, and Wang Lingjiao insults her character, and announces that she's going to stab YZY's body a few extra times. Jiang Cheng briefly faints at this, taking a page from Wei Wuxian's book, and rolls off the roof. 

Run Run Away

Both young men run, and run, and run away from Lotus Pier while Wen Chao and Wang Lingjiao mistreat the bodies of Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan 

The stabbing happens off camera, because it's ok to stab a live child on camera, but not a dead adult. (As always, there are cultural reasons for "what's ok" in any country, and I'm not saying anybody's wrong about these choices). 

Wen Chao follows this up with pouring a cup of wine across their faces. He does this in the style of a libation for the dead, but as a desecration, combining mistreatment of bodies with profaning a ceremonial rite. In a world where ghosts are real and have sharp fingernails, this is deeply, deeply stupid.

Yu Ziyuan’s actress Zhang Jingtong is able to have liquid poured INTO HER EAR without flinching. Mad props.

The brothers eventually finish running and arrive in a field with an extreme purple photo filter on it. Which I've done my best to remove for these gifs, with variable results. 

Jiang Cheng wants to turn around and go back to Lotus Pier. He says he wants to retrieve his parents’ bodies and to take revenge, but he's devastated and it seems likely he just wants to die with everyone else.  

Wei Wuxian pleads with Jiang Cheng to calm down and stay safe, while Jiang Cheng gives himself over to anger and shock as the brothers shout at each other.

Punching and running ensues, and Wei Wuxian tries to hold his brother back, grabbing him around the shoulders him in a gesture that painfully echoes the many hugs he's given over the years. 

This time Jiang Cheng doesn't just push him off. He turns around and chokes his brother for nearly a full minute, while screaming at him and blaming him. 

Just as when Madame Yu beat him, Wei Wuxian doesn't fight back; he pulls on Jiang Cheng's wrists but doesn't hit him or try to break his hold.

Finally Jiang Cheng lets him go, and cries out for everyone he's lost, while Wei Wuxian weeps silently next to him. Eventually they fall asleep in the grass together, their bodies curled up in the form of a heart. 

Damn, this episode really brings it.

Side Note: during their argument, Wei Wuxian says, among other things, that "revenge is a dish best served cold," according to subtitles. It's a French saying from the 1800s so it's probably not precisely what Wei Wuxian is saying. More importantly, as a longtime Star Trek fan I can't help but hear James Kirk yelling "KHAN!!!!!" whenever I encounter that phrase.

There’s Got To Be A Morning After

When they wake up in the morning, Jiang Cheng is still in his feelings, but now his feelings have moved along to despair, from anger.

I feel bad for noticing how handsome they both look in this scene. Let's all feel bad about this together.

Jiang Cheng is free to have this level of emotional breakdown because Wei Wuxian is there keeping his own shit together and focusing on what matters.

When Jiang Cheng refuses to get up, Wei Wuxian reminds him, very, very gently, that they have a sister, who has waited all night to know what happened.

At this, Jiang Cheng gets up, but won't look at Wei Wuxian, continuing to blame him for everybody else's actions, as he walks onward to find Yanli.

Wei Wuxian follows, hurt and bereft, as he gets to work internalizing everything that he's being accused of. This is good practice for his future as a widely reviled bogeyman.

Part two will be slightly less awful! Coming soon!

[glittergradient]

some thoughts on the bury your gays trope, supernatural/the 100 vs. the haunting of bly manor

I saw this tweet and, in light of the whole Supernatural fiasco and subsequent social media uproar, I feel like sharing some thoughts.

Firstly, I want to say I agree with this post. I don’t believe that all queer characters have to have perfect happy endings all the time; not all queer character deaths fall in the 'bury your gays' trope regardless of context. I believe, in fact, that context makes all the difference between a satisfying ending and a harmful one. I can't say I am a big fan of tragic stories (personal preference), however I am capable of appreciating the tragic element when it's done in a way that feels meaningful and true to the story, when the tragedy adds something to the narrative instead of taking away from it.

And this is exactly where I believe The Haunting of Bly Manor succeeded, while Supernatural and The 100 failed. (more below the cut)

While I agree with the op’s original point, they then go on to talk about Lexa's death in The 100 and how, in their opinion, Lexa sacrificing herself to save Clarke in the City of Light was the most poignant way her story could have ended. And I understand where they’re coming from, but the thing is, that's not how Lexa actually died. By the time that happened, she was already dead, only her consciousness was still alive in the Flame. Lexa died because of a flying bullet that wasn't even meant for her, not during a fight, not as a sacrifice, but because of an accident. She was arguably one of the most compelling characters in the show, the surface of her potential had barely been scratched, and yet she was killed off to deliver some cheap shock twist at the end of an episode. The context also matters. Lexa’s death happened right after she and Clarke were finally able to act on their feelings for each other; right when their story seemed to be starting, abruptly and pointlessly it ended.

There is a difference, a striking difference, between Lexa's death and Dani's death in The Haunting of Bly Manor.

Dani, also a lesbian character in love with another woman, dying at the end of her story, after several years of happiness and commitment, as the culmination of a beautifully told tragic tale of love, loss, memory, trauma and sacrifice, is NOT the same as Lexa dying because of a flying bullet in a rushed and dismissive cheap plot twist.

As for Supernatural, I found Castiel's death to be executed more tastefully than Lexa’s. His death is not the issue per se, in my opinion. If it existed in a vacuum, it could be accepted as an emotionally fulfilling ending, as the poignant culmination of a 12-year-long character arc, a moment of self-actualization that feels true and meaningful to his story. However, once again, context matters.

It matters, because Supernatural is a show where 'nothing ever stays dead'. Cas himself had come back from the dead multiple times. The idea that he couldn't come back the one time he died right after being canonically established as queer doesn't feel right and inevitably reeks of the 'bury your gays' trope. It matters, because Cas actually was resurrected, but he was never shown again, he was barely even mentioned or mourned in the final two episodes of the show he'd been a fundamental part of for 12 years. Even his resurrection was only implied, rather than explicitly confirmed, by a passing comment made by a guest star, minimizing the importance of the revelation itself. If you got distracted for about 5 seconds while watching the finale, you might have missed the fact that one of the most important characters had been resurrected (off screen).

Castiel didn't just die, he was erased. He was canonically established as queer and then, at once, erased from the narrative. Of all the times he died, this was the only one where his best friends, his family, weren't even allowed to show emotion and sorrow over his demise. The long-overdue highly emotional love confession he delivered in his final moments to his best friend of over a decade remained unanswered and unaddressed, as if it never happened.

The Haunting of Bly Manor succeeds where The 100 and Supernatural fail, because it does justice to its characters, to their story and to their love. Dani's death does not fall under the 'bury your gays' trope because her final sacrifice actually enriches the narrative of what is, at its core, a tragic romance. It's sad, it's heartbreaking, but as a viewer, you don't come out of the experience feeling like the characters you've come to care about were done wrong, like they were wrongfully erased from a narrative that refused to accommodate them. Dani's death doesn't represent the end of her and Jamie's story, but an inherently fundamental part of it, something that adds depth and nuance to an organic narrative of tragedy and romance, the two main elements the fabric of the story is made of. Unlike Lexa, Dani is not stripped of the possibility to live her truth and her love as soon as such a possibility is presented to her. Unlike Castiel, her final sacrifice doesn't erase her memory, instead sublimating it.

It is possible to write tragic endings for queer characters that still feel emotionally fulfilling in spite of their tragedy, or even because of it, endings that do not erase queer voices, but honor the complexities of their stories. But this is not what The 100 and Supernatural did: Lexa being allowed to act on her love for Clarke, finding peace in it, only to be killed moments later; and Castiel being allowed to speak his truth, finding happiness in vocalizing his love for Dean, only to be erased from the narrative right after, are not and could never be satisfying conclusions to queer narratives.

[sage-nebula]

I’ve been thinking about what I would have liked a sequel to InuYasha to be like, since the official sequel has been such a disappointment (to say the least), so I figured I’d go ahead and post my thoughts. 

To start with, we’re keeping Moroha, and she would be the actual main character. She’s the daughter of the previous two main protagonists, her personality steals the show on the regular anyway, and the fact that she’s part demon while also having sacred priestess powers makes her far more interesting than simply doing half-demons 2.0. I’m not sorry.

So, the story. I imagine that hundreds and hundreds of years back, like well before Inuyasha was ever sealed to the Tree of Ages and all that drama with Kikyou and Naraku happened, there was a prophecy made by some kind of deity (or deity-like) figure. The prophecy was something like, when a demon had a child with a powerful priestess, that child would then end the warring period between demons and mortals—and would, in fact, put an end to demons altogether. In other words, the child of the demon and shrine maiden would lead to the modern era, where mortals still roam freely but demons are (typically) nowhere to be seen. Not many knew about this prophecy, but very powerful and high-ranking demons did (e.g. Kirinmaru, possibly Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru’s father), and because they didn’t want demons to disappear from the earth for very obvious reasons (even though the prophecy wasn’t clear on how that would happen), they made it a point to try to stop the birth of such a child from ever happening—or, if it did happen, they made it a point to kill said child as an infant before they could ever grow. 

Hundreds of years passed. For a time there was great concern over whether Kikyou would bear the child that would bring about the prophecy, given that she was a powerful priestess (the most powerful priestess) who had several half-demons interested in her. Fears waned a little when Inuyasha decided to become human like Kikyou, forsaking his demon half and therefore rendering the two of them unable to bring the prophecy to pass (and there was some argumentation over whether a half-demon could bring the prophecy to pass anyway, but the danger was too great to risk it in the minds of those who knew), but then all of that drama went down before he could, and Kikyou died before she could have a child with anyone, so it became a moot point.

Regardless, those hundreds of years passed, Kikyou was reborn as Kagome, Kagome and Inuyasha fell in love, and they ended up giving birth to a child, Moroha, who inherited both demonic powers from her father and sacred powers from her mother. And while it’s not as if someone was watching Inuyasha and Kagome on CCTV to stalk their every action, other parts of the prophecy (such as the full moon and sun both being present in the sky at the moment of the birth, which happened just as day broke, or stars falling the night of conception) lined up and made it clear that the prophecied birth had come to pass. Of course, neither Inuyasha nor Kagome knew of the prophecy, nor did anyone else in the village . . . but Kirinmaru, as mentioned before, did.

So Kirinmaru shows up some time after Moroha’s birth, when she’s still a baby, with the intent on killing her and probably her parents as well, for good measure, so they can’t have another one. He’s not alone; I’m unsure of whether Sesshoumaru would be with him or not in this version (because I feel Sesshoumaru would have complicated feelings on the issue; he doesn’t want demons to disappear but also he’s doubtful Inuyasha’s child could make that happen), but Kirinmaru would at least have his top four lackeys and possibly many other demons with him. Enough so that everyone in the village would be at significant risk. Of course Kagome and Inuyasha aren’t going down without a fight, but also a battleground is no place for a baby, so Kagome takes Moroha through the well (which we’ll say was working at this point in time) in order to have her family watch her. This serves two purposes: It gives Moroha a loving family to take care of her, with Kagome herself ensuring that happens, AND it allows us to show Kagome’s family after giving a frick about her potentially dying, which Yashahime failed to show with their non-reaction to her potentially having a child.

Of course, Kagome’s family doesn’t want her to return to the feudal era if there’s some huge battle going down, but Kagome promises that she will survive, and she will come back to get Moroha. She promises. So her family agrees to babysit Moroha, and Kagome returns to the feudal era . . . only to not come back. As a result, Moroha is raised by Souta and his family, and cherished by her grandma and great-grandpa, even though there is also an ever-present sorrow and grief because they believe Kagome must have died in the battle she spoke of. And Moroha does feel the love from her family, but also recognizes that they also see her dead mother whenever they look at her, so there’s that, too.

With that said, Kagome isn’t dead! She returns to the feudal era and things are indeed going badly (in a flashback we get plenty of “INUYASHAAAA” “KAGOMEEEEE” for old time’s sake), but I don’t want to kill either her or Inuyasha off. So instead, we’ll bring the Rainbow Pearls back into it. Like in the actual sequel, Inuyasha and Kagome end up sealed in one of the Rainbow Pearls. But the reason here is because Kirinmaru finds out that Kagome sent Moroha away to a place where he can no longer reach her, and he’s furious about it. But he also feels that, when she grows up, she will seek out her parents. So he figures, he’ll take her parents, seal them in a state where they can’t escape him, and then use them as bait. He’ll lure Moroha to him and kill her then. It’s a perfect plan. (And while I would want to seal Inuyasha and Kagome into the Tree of Ages since that’s their tree, at the same time, Kirinmaru can’t exactly take a whole ass tree with him. I mean, he could, but it’d kill it and probably end the sealing power. So.)

Years pass, Moroha grows. She can pretty much pass for a human girl aside from her fangs and her super senses / abilities, so she doesn’t feel like too much of an outcast in the human world. She's a little older than in Yashahime, maybe around 16, and as such was able to do at least a year or two of high school and has a few years experience in archery and kendo clubs as a result. But though she doesn’t feel like an outcast, Moroha has always been plagued by the feeling that there’s more to her story than she and her family know. She feels like there’s something missing, like the assumption that her mother died just isn’t right. This draws her back to the Bone-Eaters Well time and time again, and the final time (the one we see) Souta follows her there. They talk about Moroha’s feelings and her desire to know, and Souta tells her he think that she can make the trip—and that she should, if she can’t rest. He gives her Inuyasha’s robe of the fire rat (which I forgot to mention Moroha was swaddled in when Kagome took her through), as well as her bow and quiver from archery, and some other provisions. Then Moroha jumps through and returns to the feudal era.

So the main plot, or at least the one that Moroha is aware of at first, would be Moroha trying to figure out what happened to her parents, where they are, et cetera (and people like Miroku, Sango, and Shippou bursting out crying when they see that Inuyasha and Kagome’s daughter did survive and is all grown up and looks so much like her parents). Then in the background of that is the prophecy and whether Moroha actually will carry it out or not. My thought is that she would, but it’s not that she kills all demons, because that’s pretty grim. Rather, it’s that the Rainbow Pearls would ultimately be used to seal or suppress demonic powers, with the implication that demons or people with demonic powers are very much still actually in the modern era, but they’re just sleeping, and could come back at any time. And perhaps this would be done at the end of her life rather than at the end of the series, I don’t know. But basically it would be written to explain the discrepancy of why there were demons and magic in the feudal era, but no longer in the modern era. It would make Kagome going back to the feudal era, meeting Inuyasha and building a family with him, something that actually needed to happen for her era to exist as it did at all. (So, a stable time loop, sort of.)

As for Sesshoumaru having daughters, I honestly really don’t think it’s necessary, but if he did they should be side characters (as in they can be part of the main group, but their story shouldn’t be the primary focus), and Kagura should be their mother. Since Kagura died, if we do still want them to be half-demons, then perhaps it could be that Sesshoumaru traveled to the modern era himself somehow to look for Moroha after Kagome sent her there (I don’t think the well would work for him, but this is a show about magic, he could find a way). He didn’t find Moroha, but he found Kagura’s modern reincarnation, a human woman who looked startlingly like her. He followed her around to figure out what was up with her, she thought he was a creep (albeit a very pretty creep), he eventually decides to leave her because she’s her own person and not Kagura, she follows him because she wants to know where he’s going, she ends up going back to the feudal era with him on accident, they travel together for a while, fall in love, have babies, etc. So I guess in that sense the mother of Sesshoumaru’s daughters wouldn’t actually be Kagura, just like Kagome is not Kikyou, but regardless, she’d be as close to Kagura as he could actually get and that’s better than the alternative that the fifteenth episode of Yashahime suggested, so I’d take it. (Granted I would have taken just about anything over that, but still.) With this scenario, Towa and Setsuna (if we kept those names) would be younger than Moroha, and would have been raised together in the feudal era. If they end up traveling with Moroha, perhaps it’s because Sesshoumaru sent them to do it by suggestion. The twins think they’re just ~bonding~ with their cousin, or at least helping her survive in an era she’s not familiar with, but also their father is using them to spy on her to see if there’s any chance she could bring about the prophecy.

So yeah, that’s what I got. If I’d been asked to come up with a sequel to Inuyasha, that’s what I would have written. Of course there are more details that would need to be ironed out, but nonetheless, we’d have a clear goal from the jump, the correct character would be the main character, and there wouldn’t be any child grooming or pedophilia. Win-win-win, honestly. We could have had it all.

[quintessenceofdust73]

Chapter 15: The Undiscovered Country

Summary:

After dying to save the Multiverse, the Paladins are reunited with dead friends and family on the other side. Each of them must make a choice to go back or go on.

Notes:

This chapter was inspired by the Voltron Defender of the Universe episodes “The Captive Comet” and “The Little Prince.”

An excerpt:

Lance looked down to see his lifeless body still seated in the pilot’s chair of the Red Lion.

No, he thought, I can’t be dead. But as much as he wanted to resist that thought, the light was all around him, guiding him through the tunnel to another place.

“You’ve made a long journey, Lance McClain, but your journey is nearly over. Be not afraid.” The mysterious voice that spoke to him both terrified and comforted him at the same time.

Lance found himself standing on the sandy shore of a vast ocean at sundown. He was nearly overwhelmed by one of the most breathtaking sunsets he had ever seen. The vista before him made him immediately think of home, of Varadero Beach. He had thought often of taking Pidge there and of introducing her to his family. His parents and siblings and young niece and nephew were not to be found in the beautiful place where he was now, though.

Deep down inside he knew he was on a journey that he would have to make without his friends, and the thought of it terrified him as much as it broke his heart.

“Lance,” a gentle voice called to him.

“Abuela!” He exclaimed. He ran along the sandy shore until he could envelop her in an embrace. “Grandma! I’m sorry. I’m so sorry! I was away in space when you and Grandpa—“

“I know, mi vida. I’ve been watching over you, my brave nieto. I am so proud of you!” She held him as he wept in her arms. “You have had so many adventures, like one of the brave knights in the stories I read to you when you were a little boy. Do you remember?”

“I haven’t forgotten. Your stories always inspired me to face my fears and do what’s right.” He pulled away from her a little so he could see her face, which was streaked with as many happy tears as his own. “I liked the parts about the monsters and battles, but my favorite parts were always about rescuing the beautiful girl and living happily ever after.” She laughed at him, cupping his cheek. He continued. “I finally found her, you know, in real life.”

“That beautiful alien princess? The one with the flying castle?”

“No, Grandma,” Lance replied as she lovingly ruffled his hair the way she did when he was a little boy. “It’s Katie—Pidge,” he said with a soft smile.

“The little one who says so many big words?”

Lance chuckled. “She’s as courageous as any of the knights in your stories, and she’s just as beautiful as she is intelligent. She’s the one I’ve been searching for my whole life. I’m sure of it.”

“I see,” she said with a knowing smile that made her eyes twinkle.

“Will she be there? Will Pidge be in the place that I’m going?” Lance asked, gently gripping his grandmother’s shoulders. “What about Hunk? And Allura and Keith? Will I see them again?”

Lance’s grandmother looked away at a far distant shore that he could not yet see. After a long silence she said solemnly, “Like the greatest of the heroes in any of my stories, you sacrificed your life to save all of existence. Because of this, you have been given a great gift. You must decide if you want to go back to the world of the living, where you must continue to suffer and fight the good fight against the evils of your time, or you can decide if you want to go on. You can continue your journey to a place where there is no more pain or sorrow, a place where there is no more death, only peace and joy.”

The tears came once more. He wanted that peace and serenity so desperately. Lance wept silently as he studied his grandmother’s face, and finally he said, “I want to go wherever Pidge is, in life or in death. I love her, Grandma. I just want to be wherever she is.”

“Dear heart,” she said, wiping the dampness from his cheeks with her thumbs, “though friends and loved ones may walk by your side, ultimately life is a journey you must make alone. A hero must choose his own path through the dark forest.”

Lance shut his eyes, trying in vain to stop the flow of his tears. “I choose to live. I really hope I’ll see you again someday, Grandma. I love you. Tell Grandpa that I love him too.”

Lance felt his grandmother brush his cheek with a kiss that was feather light. After that his eyes did not open again for a long time.

[katsidhe]

15.20 Final Thoughts

Supernatural is over, and somehow, despite itself, it did the very best it could to please me. That was always going to be an impossible task. But truly, sincerely, that finale was as close to my desires as the show could ever bring itself to come, and so, so much closer than I ever dreamed it would dare.

I am so, so glad that no other regular characters were involved (Bobby aside, but he was brief). How better to encapsulate their own emptiness? How fundamentally fitting, than in the epilogue to their final battle, wherein the entire world beyond them was erased, the wider universe is merely set dressing for them to move through. And it was so quiet this way. This finale wasn’t overcrowded or rushed. It kept its own peace. And it preserved the tangible claustrophobia that 15.19 invoked: that tangled, lovely, solipsistic, toxic conviction that these are the only two people on earth that matter.

It’s unclear exactly how much time passed between 15.19 and 15.20. I like to think it’s been at least a year, given that they’ve settled into routine and that their grief seems less fresh. (Although yes, the concept of Dean dying on his very first hunt without a resurrection available is hilarious, I must confess.) Their calm domesticity, their peace, was lovely to watch (Sam kicking the laundry machine! Sam with wet hair! Sam running! Sam cooking, Sam looking a little less bulky than usual, and happy!) But man, it really is Dean’s world, isn’t it? Even the DOG, which really, really, really could reasonably have been primarily Sam’s, was Dean’s dog first and foremost. Then on Dean’s say-so, they get in Dean’s car to drive to a pie festival for Dean. Sam is perfectly content to go along with all of it.

As if we hadn’t gotten enough delightful fanservice, we also got one last scene of Sam threatening to torture someone to death. :) what a king.

I love that Dean died to an OSHA violation while fighting a random loose end from season 1 (which, by the way, I CALLED IT, I am so proud of myself). It’s perfectly mundane. I truly and deeply do not understand anyone complaining that Dean should have gone out in a way that’s more epic. He’s been there, done that, guys, and remember how miserable it was? Now there’s no cosmic safety net. Dean died in a broken down old barn, saving some kids. Moments like these are when Dean is at his best, at his most fundamentally sympathetic: when he’s not trying to control the shape of the universe or dictate righteousness or let his anger drive himself down into a destructive spiral. He’s just putting his money where his mouth is. He’s not making a broad moral statement. He’s simply putting his life on the line to defend someone who needs defending. It is not an unworthy end. It’s so much better than going out to, god forbid, God.

Did Dean earn a lifetime of peace? The concept of just desserts is fraught. But I also don’t think it’s something Dean wanted. He wanted to keep killing things in tetanus-infested barns until he died. He got what he wanted. And while the arc of his wants has adapted over the years, MOTW hunting is fulfilling for him.

Dean’s deathbed speech was, oh man. It got me good. Like many of the things I loved in this episode, it was quiet. No desperation, no revising history (or not too much, anyway). Just, “stay with me, please. I love you. Tell me it’s okay.”

The quiet of Sam’s grief, alone in the bunker. How still his face is, until for a little bit it crumples again, and then it comes back and goes still. He’s not trying to control his reactions or press back against his sorrow. There is no work to do, nothing to avenge, no one to find, nothing to defeat. He is alone, and the washes of visible grief simply come and go in waves that he doesn’t try to fight or force.

I need the gif of him flinching at the toaster. His startle reactions are my favorite thing. He’s alone underground, there is not a living soul for miles and miles, he’s just buried his brother, not for the first time, but this time, he knows, for the last. And the goddamn toaster goes off and he cannot control the way his heart leaps up into his throat and the way every one of his muscles tightens.

Sam grows old. Sam. Grows old. Sam grows old! SAM GROWS OLD.

Ohhh my God, Sam grows old. Without Dean! Without hunting! Without Cas! With people outside that claustrophobic world, beyond the four tight walls of SPN, beyond the people approved by Dean and by Fandom, who give him peace and love and fulfillment! SAM GOT OUT. Even with the truly terrible wig the image brings me to actual tears. I cannot believe SPN would allow him to have this. I cannot believe that the show let him be happy without Dean. I want to read the set of novelizations about Sam’s recovery.

Of course this was the only way for Sam to get unwound, and of course it had to happen offscreen in flashes. Thank god for the ambiguity. There’s so much potential there, years and years, we were simply told: and at some point Sam’s life gets better, at some point his mental health improves and he feels safe enough to start a family, with someone, and at some point he has a child, and he dies peacefully, he dies loved and with people who love him, and dammit I’m getting weepy again.

Sam quit hunting. Not in a sudden jolt. We see him leaving the bunker on another job. But when he leaves the bunker, he leaves for good. He has so much knowledge, but he does not preserve the Men of Letters. He does not honor their legacy of extermination and experimentation. Maybe he gives someone else the keys, for the books. Or maybe he’s digitized it all, and maybe it’s done.

Maybe his wife is Eileen, or maybe it’s Amelia, or maybe it’s Piper or Cara or maybe it’s someone new. Maybe it’s not even a woman. And maybe she’s a hunter, but I hope she isn’t, and when Sam tells her, haltingly, in fits and starts, the bare outline of the truth, she looks at him and she believes him. And she understands the shape of the trauma he carries, even if Sam can’t quite speak the details, and maybe Sam goes to therapy. Maybe he doesn’t. Maybe he wakes in pain and fear for many years, but over time, it dulls.

Sam’s son is still a young man when Sam is on his deathbed, probably in at least his eighties. Think about the mountain Sam had to climb to reach that point. How many years and years of work did it take before Sam felt safe enough to want a child? How long for him to gently conquer his terror at the legacy his blood might carry: Lucifer and Azazel are dead, he knows this, but how long before he lets himself believe it enough to permit the risk? And then he raises his child, not in fear and loneliness, but with love and support and care. And he makes sure his son is protected, that he knows to salt his thresholds and ward against demons, but his son will not suffer the way he suffered.

Maybe he untangles his thoughts about Dean, maybe he learns that to feel angry with his brother is not to betray him or to dishonor his memory, maybe he comes to a more complex understanding of their relationship. Maybe he doesn’t. Maybe he simply enshrines Dean, and Dean’s memory becomes ever more golden and untarnished, and the Impala becomes truly an altar. The details of how Sam carries Dean with him—the watch, the car, the absurdly large photos, his son’s name—perhaps these are played straight, and perhaps Sam never finds a more nuanced love. In the meta sense I think we are certainly meant to think this. We are meant to see Dean deified here, canonized into a saint. We are meant to view Sam’s fifty more years of life as worship, as a dedication and an offering.

This is the long shadow of the finale. These are the things untouched by necessity and by design: this is Dean’s apology in 15.18, this is Sam not wanting an apology, and not wanting to hear Dean offer one. This difficult work was always and inevitably going to be elided. But there is so much time, decades and decades, offscreen, for Sam to come to a quieter peace.

I think he can do it.

I think Sam can do anything.

I’m crying again.

I really didn’t think I would cry much about the finale. I thought I would cry at the concept of the show ending, but not at what the ending was. I didn’t think any details would actually affect me. But then Sam got old. I am truly and genuinely hung up on the canonical image of Sam finding peace. Good god. He had GLASSES. Help.

My chief complaint (aside from that absolutely awful Carry On cover, why oh why, they should have just played the original again), if I felt at all like complaining at the moment, would be how happy this ending is. But I can’t begrudge Sam that. I can’t even get too mad at the scene that I was SO SURE I would despise: that of Sam and Dean content in a Heaven that is now apparently Great, Actually (even though a prison dimension with an open floor plan is still a prison dimension, but hey, I guess we humans can’t leave earth either). Supernatural clearly wanted Sam and Dean to not be facing down an abyssally bleak afterlife, and I think I’d be complaining about the lack of bleakness a whole lot more if it didn’t have the (perhaps unintended??) side effect of giving Sam even more freedom from Dean than SPN already deigned to give him. Sam isn’t in a shared cell with Dean. He can be with his friends and his wife and his son.

One of the fundamental questions of SPN is, would Dean ever let Sam go? And it’s a question that the bulk of s13-15 has rendered moot with Sam’s growing passivity, and one that 15.20 neatly dodged. And I’m glad it did, because I wouldn’t have liked whatever 15.20 had to say on the matter. This deflection feels true to the spirit of what the show has become.

It was impossible for Sam to find peace while Dean was still alive. And on its own that kind of says everything, doesn’t it? And Sam is still forever denied the peace he truly longed for. Sam didn’t want death to force Dean’s hand. Sam wanted Dean to want to let him go. But the only way Sam and Dean could heal is apart. The potential of their relationship on earth becoming untangled is forever precluded, explictly. And yet Sam’s freedom is validated, Sam is allowed what he sought in season 1 and season 8, Sam is something beyond a hunter and Dean’s brother, and the show let him be, the show let him grow.

Supernatural said Sam Rights, and the world shook.

[bluerosesinthenightsky]

Euegeo’s death in canon doesn’t make any sense.

Eugeo dying in canon doesn’t make any sense and he shouldn’t have died, in this essay I will----- ______ ______ ______ ______ ______

Okay so in canon Eugeo really shouldn’t have died. Because before the battle, Quinella swore on her fluctlight that she’d spare Kirito, Eugeo and Alice- and not bring harm to them.  Cardinal was going to give Quinella her life

But only in exchange to spare the lives of Kirito, Eugeo and Alice. At first Quinella was going to refuse, asking what she would gain in return. Cardinal returned fire saying she would shear off half of her life, telling her that much of a load would strain her dwindling memory capacity. So Quinella, begrudgingly accepted and was going to swear on the Goddess Stacia

However, Cardinal knew that wasn’t going to work. Because the Goddess didn’t really exist - the System however did. And in order for this pact to work, Cardinal knew she had to get Quinella to swear on her fluctlight. 

She swore upon her Fluctlight and all the data stored there, that she would let them go unharmed.

Her swearing on her fluctlight should have made it so that the Underworld System recognize that she broke her own deal, and should have restored Eugeo’s life and fluctlight - but the System didn’t.

But it should have, because Quinella had control of the System, and her word should have been inputted into the System - and she should have been purged by the system the moment she fatally wounded Eugeo. 

Her life should have started being drained from her and should have gone to Eugeo and saved him. But the creators just love tormenting Kirito, so they threw all logic out the window and just let Eugeo die to further inflict agony onto Kirito. They just cannot give him a fucking break, can they? Seriously this made no fucking sense, this entire set up is just like when Kirito and Kayaba made a deal. There’s even parrelals to the whole Kirito Vs Kayaba fight. With Alice jumping in front of Kirito to protect him - and Eugeo being the one to be grievously wounded. 

During Kirito’s fight with Kayaba he swore to Kirito that if Kirito died, then he would make sure Asuna wouldn’t be able to. So when Asuna jumped in front of Kirito to protect him and “died” Kayaba made certain she didn’t - because he wasn’t supposed to allow her to die.

You see the parallels right?!

Cardinal’s deal with Quinella should have been the same scenario. It should have played out the same way as it did with Kayaba and Kirito’s fight and when Asuna “died” - except with Eugeo this time.

When Eugeo “died” he should have come back.

Eugeo should have come back. Asuna came back!!!

SO EUGEO SHOULD HAVE TO! KIRITO SHOULD HAVE BEEN REUNITED WITH EUGEO JUST LIKE HE REUNITED WITH ASUNA!!!

Hell I wouldn’t have minded if him and Kirito were both in a comatose state for a while - as their Fluctlights healed. If they brought Eugeo back after Kirito’s fluctlight was damaged that would have been fine with me.

So then it’s not like Kirito would know Eugeo’s alive still, so the scene where Kirito is broken up while the war was going on- still could have worked - with Eugeo’s fluctlight linking with Kirito’s - while they were both Comatose.

 Then Kirito could have woke up, not knowing Eugeo was still alive - because like maybe change the dialogue a bit where Kirito doesn’t even ask Eugeo if he was alive during that sequence. Because like, logically Kirito would just think that this is just Eugeo’s spirit or perhaps even a manifestation of his own mind trying to urge him onward.

 Or maybe the fragment of Eugeo’s fluctlight didn’t even realize that Eugeo wasn’t dead. 

Because when Eugeo placed this piece of his Fluctlight into The Blue Rose Sword - Eugeo died. So maybe like this piece of Eugeo’s Fluctlight was triggered to awaken when the other part of his Fluctlight linked in with Kirito. Or something along those lines -and since this piece of Eugeo’s Fluctlight believe himself to be dead, he would have told Kirito the same.

 so Kirito still could have believed Eugeo was gone.

So when the time came that Kirito was struggling, during the fight against that one guy whose name I can’t remember, Eugeo would wake up -shortly after Kirito- as well and come charging into the battle to help Kirito.

 Kirito could still have looked over and seen Eugeo by his side-

And be in shock for a few moments, thinking that this must be Eugeo’s spirit...

But then Kirito would realize that Eugeo is indeed alive, when Eugeo turns to face him -and smiles confidently at him. He would realize that Eugeo and he could still fight side by side, and that he hadn’t failed Eugeo.

 So Kirito would still say his name, while tears rolled down his face 

- and they could have fought side by side just like they did in the episode

 - but with Eugeo alive instead of in a spiritual form.

As for the Blue Rose Sword still being broken, they could have attributed that to Eugeo being comatose as well. His damaged Fluctlight would have been slowly repairing itself - 

so in theory his sword could have stayed broken until he woke up - because Eugeo put a piece of his Fluctlight into the sword - then it wouldn’t have repaired itself until he was awake and his fluctlight was fully functional again, like Kirito’s. 

And then Kirito could have asked Eugeo how he was alive and then they would tear up and have a heartfelt reunion! {{I know a lot of you will be like: Well wouldn’t Kirito’s Fluctlight sense Eugeo’s Fluctlight if they were in the same room, lying in the same bed or sitting in two wheel chairs next to one another? Well I highly doubt that. 

Considering both of their Fluctlights are so damaged as to render them Comatose, I believe that Kirito’s Fluctlight would only sense the faintest trace hints of Eugeo’s and seeing as Kirito is at his lowest in despair he might just think that he’s so desperate that he’s tricking his own Fluctlight into believing Eugeo is there with him. 

That or he believes that he’s only sensing Eugeo because he’s near the Blue Rose Sword. But with how damaged their Fluctlights are, Kirito would not really sense Eugeo’s presence. 

And now you might say, well wouldn’t Alice tell Kirito that Eugeo was alive and okay? Well yeah I believe she would, but you have to remember that Kirito is at his lowest, he’s sunk so deep down that he’s emotionally shut off.

Considering the fact that Eugeo died in Kirito’s arms and became light fractals - and how Kirito is in such agony and despair... I doubt that telling him Eugeo is alive would bring about the positive reaction from Kirito’s Fluctlight as they expect it to. From Kirito’s point of view, by all logic, there shouldn’t be any way Eugeo is alive. in Kirito's perspective, Eugeo died in his arms and vanished into light fractals. There was no way Eugeo would have survive in his point of view. 

So to Kirito it would be like they're trying to implant a false hope in his Fluctlight, even if it wasn’t actually false hope- and they would probably not try to talk about Eugeo in front of Kirito after Kirito's Fluctlight reacts so negatively to them saying such a thing.

Kirito's Fluctlight is definitely in a state of desolation and guilt and regret. This is obvious by the scene where Kirito is begging not to see any more of his memories, and breaking down entirely when Eugeo's death flashes through his mind.

I doubt he'd be inclined to believe much when his Fluctlight is in this condition. 

A lot of people who are depressed can sink into a state of being inconsolable. Where they can't believe in anything remotely hopeful or positive anymore because they've been drowned so deeply in such sorrow it's all they can feel.

So honestly I believe that Kirito really wouldn't react as positive as they hoped he would. So they just don't press it, and instead take care of Kirito and Eugeo both and just let them be as close as possible, in hopes Kirito's Fluctlight would recognize that Eugeo wasn't dead. }}

  So in conclusion, Eugeo’s death was bullshit and there still could have been angst without the need to kill off one of -if not the greatest- SAO character in the entire series. And I will forever be salty about it.

[jadelotusflower]

Robin Hood Rewatch: 2x08 Get Carter!

This is actually one of my favourite episodes of the season, partly because I really enjoy relationship angst, but mostly because we get multiple characters dealing with their trauma/grief. If we can't get these guys and gals into therapy, at least we get to see them talk (and hug) it out.

Also the best episode title they're had for a while - I have no doubt one of the writers is a fan, and Carter is so named only because they wanted to make this reference. The assassin seeking revenge for a dead brother is wholesale lifted from the plot of the film, and Joseph Kennedy almost has a passing resemblance to Michael Caine's look in that role.

"Get Carter - before Carter gets you!"

Carter is one of the only guest stars they actually will bring back later, and for good reason.

"Why don't you ever kiss my ring?" Vaisey, always making things creepy.

Marian is simmering with unrestrained anger, eager to get into the fight, while Robin is the one advocating for the watch and see approach, and it’s quite the role reversal.

The gang's reaction to her charging off is quite funny though, she knocks John over completely and Djaq throws her hands in the air.

Robin’s now getting a taste of what the rest of the gang have to put up with dealing with his recklessness.

Tying Marian up in the middle of a melee, however, is disgusting behaviour - while Marian was hot-headed throwing herself into the fight (nothing Robin hasn't done before himself), he knows that she can hold her own with a sword and doesn't need protecting. Tying her hands is the absolute worst thing he could have done, because how is she meant to defend herself? I can somewhat understand where Robin is coming from in this episode (even if he goes about it badly), but this is unjustifiable.

Clearly she gave that guard she clanked on the head amnesia, because he never reports back that Marian was fighting with the gang.

“I owe you my life”/“I won’t take it just yet.” Nice.

Scimitar is still missing in action.

Robin doesn’t want Marian to be seen in case she needs to return to the castle, when he’s spent the whole season urging for her to join the gang. I think he realises he made a mistake asking her to flee last episode without giving her time to deal with her grief, and wants to leave her options open. But telling her that she’s not ready to make the decision (about whatever she wants to go back), however correct, is patronising.

There's a fundamental conflict that Marian wants to be treated like a member of the gang, but doesn't want to cede to Robin's authority like the rest of the gang - in turn Robin expects her to follow his orders like the others, but isn't treating her like he would the others either - he would never tie them up to keep them out of a fight, and Marian has every right to pissed at him about it.

Djaq and Much having a little tête-à-tête about Carter - I just really enjoy that they’re often paired together in these gang scenes, they balance/play off each other so well. Just this pure platonic frazzled vs calm vibe.

Much just has this really great memory for faces - he was able to recognise fake Richard last season just from his profile despite wearing a helmet, and now he knows he remembers Carter's face from somewhere (or as it will turn out, Carter's brother).

Much really just does not let up, and I love that about him. "You'll be disappointed though, with uh, today's wound. I mean if you're planning to go back to the Holy Land and, uh, kill him." That not so subtle probing for information and Sam Troughton's delivery is always perfect.

"Wasn't me, was it?" Oh Much, so close.

“The crusty one” - lol

It's not explicit, but implied that Vaisey and Guy believe Edward was the one passing information to Robin, and Marian is cleared of any suspicion (paving the way for her return). Guess Guy never showed the Sheriff that hair dagger after all.

Vaisey is actually giving Guy some really good advice here, albeit laced with his usual cruelty and getting all up in Guy's personal space.

"Grow up Gisborne" - now I don't think it's deliberate on Vaisey's part to invoke a Marian parlance, seeing as she really only says this to Robin (and once to Much), but it's a nice little callback, however unintentional.

Marian asks for an apology (and deserves one), but Robin doubles down and doesn't come out of this exchange well.

Because his delivery is terrible, but he's otherwise quite correct - as skilled as Marian is, she’s used to relying on (and having to worry about) only herself and not work in a team, and look to a single point of command. But both of them have their backs up - they're two strong personalities and neither is going to give ground, reverting to the ideological clashes of season 1, except now in much closer quarters.

Robin's also not used to being challenged in this particular way, and in his frustration is reacting like a captain disciplining a soldier, not a lover helping their partner through their grief. I do wonder if the conversation would have gone differently if they'd been alone.

lol at the gang awkwardly standing around listening to Robin and Marian fight. Djaq trying to busy herself with her mortar and pestle as Robin and Marian argue around her.

A really great scene between Marian and John aka the camp dad. Marian really just needs someone to listen to her and appreciate what she's going through - Robin is too fixated on the dangerous way she's channeling her grief and not even trying to address the root cause. He trying to tell her what to do, not listen to what she actually needs.

On the other hand it's probably better coming from John, a neutral party without the emotional baggage she has with Robin.

Because Robin and Marian are really being driven by completely different motives - Marian by grief and therefore loss, and Robin by trauma and therefore fear. In her sorrow, Marian has lost all her fear of being discovered, in fact she wants to make it know she's with the gang, to finally be free to say which side she's on and fight openly, to make her father's death worthwhile, and can't understand why Robin is trying to stifle that.

"I thought you used to have your own men Little John?" So someone remembers Forrest and Hanton!

After Carter takes down the gang one by one, Robin takes down Carter in three seconds (including catching the long dagger Carter throws at him, and flinging it back) and it's lights out. Can you believe it's the first concussion of the season? (Notwithstanding the multiple head injuries Allan sustained last episode).

While Marian has been known to be punch-happy, the "he'll tell us more if he knows we're willing to hurt him" is just so (intentionally) out of character - it is however somewhat reminiscent of Robin in 1x08, wanting to get his punch and torture on with Guy. However rather than understanding where Marian is coming from, he pushes her away with the "go and cook something" jibe. This almost feels like he was going for familiar banter and miscued, but is also an asshole thing to say. When their positions were reversed in 1x08 Marian at least tried to reason with him - Robin is seems to be ill-equipped to do the same.

Allan just having a little snooze against the castle wall. He really seems defeated and depressed after last episode.

Marian's corset has a pouch to hold a dagger - or at least I hope there is because otherwise it's ouch time.

Leaving Marian at the camp is again a mistake on Robin's part - it excludes and isolates her from the gang, rather than trying to involve her so she can bond with them, engaging in their outreach to the peasants - who she helped as the Nightwatchman, but never really had the opportunity to come to know. It would remind her that they are not just fighting against the Sheriff but for the people, which in her frenzied grief she has perhaps lost sight of.

Instead, Robin's focus is on Carter, who he rather identifies with and so finds it easier to address his motives, and try and change them.

Carter is in many ways Robin’s dark mirror, what he could have become in the Holy Land if he chose a different path. It’s important that this happens right when Robin is backsliding - he’s trying to save his own soul as much as Carter’s.

Okay, let's talk about Marian’s forest gear - fashioned from the outfit she wore when she fled the castle the previous episode - but dear me it's awful. The grey culottes, rather than becoming trousers have now been turned into that corset, and her vest/skirt overlay have now become those trousers. Just baffling.

“I’m good with nuns” followed by Allan straight up knocking the Mother Superior over and stealing her ring is iconic.

Much gives Robin a sword to use going after Carter - still no scimitar.

I really love the confrontation/fight scene between Robin and Carter - it's very well choreographed and written, but we also see the best of Robin's character (after seeing some of the worst earlier).

Carter's brother is called Thomas - Allan's brother was called Tom. Lots of dead brothers in this show (including Djaq's).

The story of Carter's brother Thomas dying because he "stopped listening" and led a raid against orders is a little on the nose, but gives context to Robin’s fear for Marian’s safety in part triggered by his war trauma - someone charging in against orders and then dying in his arms.

But it shows Robin as a man who, even when Thomas' recklessness had cost not only his own life but others of Robin's men, was still moved to instruct the stretcher-bearers to make Thomas the hero, and himself the negligent captain, in order to comfort his family.

The fight is fairly even, and although Robin gets the upper hand in the end, it's only partly his skill - rather his true strength is in reaching the man inside the assassin, and then surrender and allow Carter to take his revenge if that's what he wants, and despite his fear, trust that there is good still in him, and that he can leave behind the life as a killer as Robin has done (tried to do).

This scene is the core of why I really love Robin as a character. He's riddled with PTSD and a reckless bravado, he's at time emotionally stunted with those he loves, makes terrible mistakes and often says the wrong thing, but he also has this great heart and compassion that allows him to reach people, to understand and help them, even at the risk of his own life. He's trying.

"He was a hero - just not on that day" is quite a poignant line.

Much and Djaq together again, just saying.

Robin finally finds out that Roger of Stoke was intercepted. I had assumed he'd figured that out once he knew Allan was a traitor but okay.

Poor Much crying out for Robin's attention - he's got his own trauma from the war and wants to talk about it, to commiserate with Robin about what they went though, but Robin can only cope by not talking about it, not even thinking about it.

Much makes a good point that Robin should have listened to him about recognising Carter, but it comes across as jealously over Marian and Robin misses just how deeply Much carries his hurt.

One of Robin's biggest flaws is that he's overwhelming in his affection, compassion, and understanding for strangers, but takes those he loves for granted - Carter's response to grief was the same as Marian's, but Robin listened to Carter, consoled and comforted him, while keeping Marian at arm's length. Perhaps because strangers don't ask for anything beyond that - it is the granting of kindness, but not the sharing of self. It's the latter Robin truly fears, but what Much and Marian deserve (although tbf Marian has problems with this as well).

“Either I’m part of your gang or I’m not” is a valid point, and Robin's still not happy even when she agrees to stay behind!

But she disobeys him, and saves his life. It's a rite of passage - almost all of the members of the gang have this.

Allan looking rather distressed as Guy is about the chop off Robin's head, and he makes a small movement just before the swing (as does Much).

Guy again pushing Marian past the point of discomfort - she left, wrote him a letter asking him to leave her alone, straight up told him to his face to leave her alone, and still he persists.

Her kissing Guy (to distract him from seeing Much and Will) is really the only time she sends mixed signals, but Guy's whole energy seems to be just to wear her down until she agrees to be with him and it's gross. It is however kind of amusing that he tries to be authoritative and forbid her from leaving, and she immediately walks away.

Robin and Marian are back in playful banter mode, although I wish there had been a deeper discussion (and that Robin had apologised in return). It doesn't quite feel like the conflict between them has been resolved, it really is just a "truce".

But I do like that it's Marian who reaches out to Robin at the end of this episode, because up until this point it's Robin who has been (somewhat) the one making overtures - asking her to join the gang, telling her he needs her, telling her he loves her, while Marian's been more reserved. This feels like her acknowledging that sometimes she needs to take the first step.

This was a long one - but as a I said, I really love this episode!

[mtltranscripts]

Season 1: Episode 1-The Curse of Dethklok

Summary: The band is sponsored by coffee and also accidentally maim their chef.

Characters: Dethklok, Jean Pierre,

Special Thanks: @offdensmith​ for helping out! <3

Pastebin  

JEAN PIERRE: I am a gear in the hands of the clock. I fear not my mortality.

NATHAN: Approach us. 

JEAN PIERRE: Everything to your liking, my lords?

PICKLES: Are you aware of the fate of our last restaurant helicopter chef?

JEAN PIERRE: His face was-

MURDERFACE: His face was smashed!

JEAN PIERRE: Yes, I know.

TOKI: He slipped his hand and face on the slohovercroft.

SKWISGAAR: Holbercraft...

TOKI: Hov…

SKWISGAAR: Homo...

PICKLES: Hovercraft.

TOKI: Hold me...

SKWISGAAR: [unintelligible attempt at saying hovercraft]

TOKI: [unintelligible attempt at saying hovercraft]

PICKLES: Hovercraft.

SKWISGAAR: [unintelligible attempt at saying hovercraft]

TOKI: [unintelligible attempt at saying hovercraft]

PICKLES: Hovercraft. They’re trying to tell you that a guy got his face smashed in with a hovercraft. That’s what they’re trying to tell you.

JEAN PIERRE: Yes, I know.

TOKI: And then, from the sorrow...fatoo! He blow he brain in.

SKWISGAAR: He blow he brain out.

TOKI: Whatever.

SKWISGAAR: Out.

TOKI: It make a great album cover.

SKWISGAAR: Yeah that-yeah all of our chefs they has died a horrible death. What of that’s do you think?

JEAN PIERRE: I would rather have my brains scooped out with a melon baller, than to miss the opportunity to deliver the various cheese snacks to my beloved Dethklok.

PILOT: Sorry, my lords, we’re chewing through a few thousand doves up here! Don’t worry, these rotors will grind them into paste in no time!

JEAN PIERRE: From the prime minister of Norway. There are several cases. The finest wine-

NATHAN: No! We never drink before a show! Never!

MURDERFACE: Well, I’ll just have a little drink!

TOKI: Me too!

SKWISGAAR: Me too!

PICKLES: Me too!

NATHAN: Me too.

 ♪ Do anything for Dethklok ♪

 ♪ Do anything for Dethklok ♪

 ♪ Do anything for Dethklok ♪

 ♪ Do anything for Dethklok ♪

 ♪ Do anything for Dethklok ♪

♪ Dethklok' Dethklok Dethklok Dethklok ♪

♪ Skwisgaar Skwigelf, taller than a tree ♪

♪ Toki Wartooth, not a bumble bee ♪

♪ William Murderface, Murderface, Murderface ♪

♪ Pickles the Drummer, doodily doo ding dong doodily doodily doo ♪

♪ Nathan Explosion ♪

REPORTER ONE: Live from Batsfjord, Norway, where over 300,000 fans have traveled to the Arctic Circle to see the legendary metal band Dethklok perform just one song.

REPORTER TWO: Surprisingly the song itself is a jingle, a coffee jingle. Never before have so many people travelled so far for such a short song. 

REPORTER THREE: A jingle for international coffee moguls, the Duncan Hills Coffee Corporation. Is Dethklok selling out? “No!” says band frontman, Nathan Explosion.

NATHAN: We’re here to make coffee metal. We will make everything metal. Blacker than the blackest black, times infinity.

REPORTER TWO: They’re called pain waivers. Fans are literally signing their life away, releasing Dethklok from any and all liability.

FAN ONE: My eye got tore out and force fed to me at a show. Dethklok rules!

FAN TWO: In London some dude chopped off my fingers and threw ‘em up onstage. Murderface rolled them up and smoked them! Murderface! 

REPORTER ONE: Dark clouds have rolled in. Static electricity’s in the air. Wait! Wait! Wait a minute! It's Dethklok! It's Dethklok!

 PILOT: Dethklok rolling.

♪ Do you folks like coffee? ♪

♪ Real coffee ♪

♪ From the hills of Colombia? ♪

♪ The Duncan Hills will wake you ♪

♪ From a thousand deaths ♪

♪ A cup of blackened blood ♪

♪ Dying, dying ♪

♪ You’re dying for a cup ♪

♪ Guatemala blend ♪

♪ Ethiopian ♪

♪ French vanilla roast ♪

♪ Dying, dying ♪

♪ You’re dying for a cup ♪

♪ Prepare for the ultimate flavor ♪

♪ You're gonna get some now ♪

♪ And scream for your cream ♪

♪ Duncan Hills, Duncan Hills, Duncan Hills coffee ♪

SENATOR STAMPINGSTON: As you can see, Dethklok is no laughing matter. They’re the world’s greatest cultural force. The short time since the Duncan Hill Coffee Batsfjord Massacrefest, every other coffee company has been obliterated. Completely blown out of the water.

GENERAL CROZIER: Freaks.

SENATOR STAMPINGSTON: These freaks as you call them are currently worth billions. Gentlemen: Skwisgaar Skwigelf, taller than a tree. Toki Wartooth, not a bumblebee. William Murderface, Murderface, Murderface. Pickles the Drummer, doodily doo ding dong doodily doodily doo. Nathan Explosion. I’m afraid that’s all we know, gentlemen.

CARDINAL RAVENWOOD: I will remind you again of the Sumerian artifacts. The resemblance is indisputable.

GENERAL CROZIER: If they’re the ones that we think they are, we should exterminate them immediately.

MISTER SALACIA: No. We wait.

NATHAN: Well, I don’t think all of our employees are cursed!

PICKLES: The chefs. The chefs.

NATHAN: Oh the chefs are cursed, yeah! Yeah.

PICKLES: Yeah.

TOKI: Actually, he’s stills alives. Yeah.

NATHAN: Well I mean he’ll be dead soon. That’s what I meant-that’s what I meant to say.

SKWISGAAR: Oh, come on. He could probably hear that. Oh wait no he can’t ‘cause he ain’t got no ears.

PICKLES: Hold on. It says here that keeping this guy alive is costing us $10,000 a day?

DETHKLOK: [overlapping exclamations]

MURDERFACE: Well here’s an idea. Why don’t we Yankee-doodle-dandy, you know, pull the plug? Kill ‘em!

PICKLES: Let’s just fire him. Look at him. He ain’t cooked a damn thing all day long. Let’s face it, he’s bringing me down.

SKWISGAAR: What is wrong with this dumb dildo, they give all all the free coffee in the world but no instruction on how to cook it!

TOKI: Whew, I might need to take five, six, personal days for all this griefs gonna have to do.

MURDERFACE: Aw, here we go again! You took two personal grieving days last week!

TOKI: Yeah, well, I was depressed about color. Don’t hassle me about thats, deals with thats-

MURDERFACE: You’re depressed?! You’re depressed! I’m fat! I’m the fat one!

TOKI: Come on-

MURDERFACE: Yeah, I’m fat!

SKWISGAAR: Aw, come on, you’re like a male model-

MURDERFACE: We know that! The one good thing about Jean Pierre being dead is that maybe I won’t eat so much, and lose these flabby deth-handles!

TOKI: No!

MURDERFACE: No, I’m fat!

TOKI: Welp, I’m starting to get a hungries, but it looks like we starves.

PICKLES: Well, great. What are we supposed to do now?

TOKI: What’s this place called?

SKWISGAAR: This is I believes called food libraries.

TOKI AND SKWISGAAR: [overlapping saying “Food library”]

PICKLES: It’s called a grocery store, ya douchebags! I’m sorry about “douchebags” I got-I got low blood sugar. 

NATHAN: Alright, here’s the deal. We have to do our own shopping so we can make our own dinner like regular jack-offs do. Now you’re all in charge of putting together one dish, and don’t just buy booze! That ain’t food!

MURDERFACE: What do you mean “booze ain’t food?” I’d rather chop off my ding-dong than admit that!

TOKI: You’d rather chop off your ding-dong than not drink?

MURDERFACE: Yeah!

TOKI: Wowee!

MURDERFACE: Hey grandma, is there olives in it?

OLD LADY ONE: In what?

MURDERFACE: Lemon tart wrinkled tits! Geeze!

OLD LADY ONE: Oh!

MURDERFACE: Good! Then it’s pee-pee time!

PICKLES: Hey, chief, this stuff good for soup?

WORKER ONE: No-

PICKLES: Ahh! That’s a yes!

TOKI: Who is walnuts?

SKWISGAAR: Ah, Toki, look inside of your basket. Guess whats you’re in such a crappy mood you have lady’s tampons inside of it and you buy them for yourself! Go have a conversation with all the ladies and tell them your problem!

TOKI: You lady, Skwisgaar!

SKWISGAAR: No I’m not!

NATHAN: Two cups of rice. Brutal.

PICKLES: Okay, hold on now, so you’re telling me that you put these little guys in boiling water and they shriek and they turn red and they die?

WORKER TWO: Yes, sir.

PICKLES: That is the most metal thing I ever heard in my whole life. High five!

NATHAN: Price check! Clean up aisle six! Rotted body landslide!

SWKSIGAAR: Oh that’s greats!

NATHAN: And don’t forget our special sale on every bone broken chicken! Hurry!

SKWISGAAR: Go get ‘em, Nathan!

NATHAN: Enjoy our tasty Hammer Smashed Face! Uh, aisle three!

SKWISGAAR: I loves to laugh. Hi.

OLD LADY TWO: Hi.

SKWISGAAR: Guess what? You are a GMILF. That is a grandmother that I would like to-

PICKLES: See, I told you guys we don’t need no chef!

NATHAN: Put in the ingredients into that thing there.

TOKI: Oh no, we leaves all the food at the food place!

NATHAN: What?!

MURDERFACE: Jean PIerre! Jean Pierre, cook something! Come on don’t be a dick, be a dude!

NATHAN: Yeah, come on!

SKWISGAAR: Yeah be a dude, don’t be a dick!

NATHAN: Make us some food!

DETHKLOK: [overlapping]

PICKLES: He can’t hear you, he can’t hear you! It’s over! By the power of all that is evil, I command you to awaken, and make me a sandwich!

MURDERFACE: There’s only one thing left to do...kill ourselves!

SKWISGAAR: Dudes, we would, like, have to sew him back together to get him to cook for us!

TOKI: Yeah, but we such screw ups that he would be sewn back together wrong.

 NATHAN: Whoa! That's a good song title.

♪ Sewn back together wrong ♪

♪ Back together Sewn back together wrong ♪

♪ Back together Sewn back together wrong ♪

♪ Back together sewn ♪