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flowerwrites06 · 3 days

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plucked blossom — myg

PLUCKED BLOSSOM | Yoongi | Oneshot | Request or Original

Original Request: Arranged marriage au?? E2L?? They were enemies but yoongi finding out she was just a hurt precious soul. Ending up with Yoongi being protective of oc Plot: Two nobles are rushed into marriage and struggle to navigate the pressures of the court. Pairing: Noble!Yoongi x Noble!OC (Name: Kiku) Genre: Historical AU Rating: R18+ Word Count: 4k+ Warnings: coarse language, angst, marriage troubles, explicit sexual content (unprotected) Author’s Note: I wanted to experiment with this sort of period historical style for a story. Hope you enjoy!

“This is the third ball you’ve refused to attend,” Yoongi said as two servants placed a white box onto the bed.

Kiku only glanced at the object before going back to her embroidery, still working on the same daffodil which was already fraying from her lack of focus. “I told you I wasn’t in the mood.”

Yoongi lets out another frustrated sigh, his white sleeves rolled up by the afternoon and his patience thinned as he placed his hands on his hips. “Eventually we need to become public.”

“We have become public, we had a wedding so big, the money could’ve fed the entire country.” The two servants quickly walked out of the room, wanting to avoid what was the fifth argument they’ve had.

“Oh you’re a pure, giving soul now?”

Kiku rolled her eyes, stabbing the fabric again for the next stitch. “If you want to go to the ball so bad, why don’t you just go by yourself?”

Yoongi shook her head. “That’s not a good look.”

“Why not? So many men there attend a ball only to fuck some other noblewoman in the garden.” She raised her eyes to glare at him directly. “At least you’ll be honest with yourself.”

Frustration laced his gaze. “I don’t go there to fuck some random person, it’s just tradition.”

“Well, I’m not going.”

Yoongi cleared his throat, clearly to gather whatever saintly patience that was hanging by a threat. With another deep breath, he walked to the box and opened it to reveal a beautiful pale blue dress, transparent outer kaftan with a silk white inner dress. “I brought you a new dress. It’s your favourite colour.”

Kiku looked at the dazzling delicate silver embroidery at the edges, just the way she preferred it. “Did you go to consult my brother to find out?”

“No, your brother thought it was yellow.”

Kiku’s brows furrowed. “Of course he did.”

The tension between them slowly cooled as it always did. Something about Yoongi’s seemingly endless way of handling her quips and her own demeanour becoming gentle caused their arguments to end swiftly. Granted, they were still frequent but it was shorter everytime.

In a softer voice, Yoongi spoke. “Just one night a month, I’d like you to come public with me.”

“I don’t have good relationships with the court members,” Kiku said empathetically.

“Then ignore them, just come.”

“Why’re you being so insistent? You were never like this before.” Kiku crossed her arms over her chest. “You have been talking to my brother, haven’t you?”

“He…we think that the people might be whispering certain things.” Yoongi waved his hand.

Anger flared in her chest. Of course the court started muttering poisonous rumours. Everytime someone wanted some alone time to actually think about their life for once, they wanted to punish those people. Because it meant too much honesty in a world so used to pretty lies. “They whisper a lot of things, what is it this time?”

“They think you might’ve gone mad.” Yoongi didn’t waste breath saying this, as if he had already convinced himself of it.

Kiku chuckled, putting her embroidery away and walking to look at the window. “What delightful conversations you and my brother have about me.”

“We didn’t come up with it.”

“But you’re perpetuating it, aren’t you? Trying to drag me out of my comforts to prove something to people who don’t even clean their own shit.” Kiku moved to closer to Yoongi. “And don’t you think you both have devised enough plans to control my life? Is secretly discussing for my hand not enough?”

“We were not secretly devising, you had an illicit affair, we were protecting you.” Yoongi grew frustrated in his tone.

“Then protect me from the rumours, go to the ball and leave me be.” Kiku nodded to the door.

“Kiku, you’re coming to the ball tonight.” Yoongi said through gritted teeth.

“I’m sorry, are you going to make me, beloved husband?” Kiku smirked bitterly. “Or you can go complain your good friend about her mad sister. I’m not going.” She turned away to her vanity, sitting and taking off the pins in her hair since it was giving her headache.

Silence plagued the room as Yoongi pushed the box away and sat on the bed. A thoughtful sigh passed through him.

“I know it’s hard when rumours spread, Kiku. I’ve had it done to my mother before and she became a recluse, unable to speak to anyone.” Yoongi said, softening again. “I don’t want that for you. There’s a certain strength to showing your face too.”

Kiku sighed, remembering the way people made the most heinous rumours about Yoongi’s mother when she was a lovely woman, simply broken by the pressures of perfection. “Don’t use your mother against me,” she said, looking at him through the mirror. “One hour. That’s all.”

Yoongi’s expression softened as he returned her gaze through the reflection and nodded. “One hour, I promise.”

The one hour seemed like forever once she entered the ballroom at young nightfall. Kiku adored her new dress as she matched it with soft pearls and a loose hairstyle. Yoongi wore a dark blue velvet suit to match her, linking his arm with hers.

Everything was beautiful with delicious smelling food, delicate wines and comfortable seats to lounge around.

“All your favourite food here too,” Yoongi muttered in her ear.

“I’m here now, you don’t need to convince me.” Kiku said with a smile which Yoongi returned.

A noblewoman rustled towards them wearing an elaborate yellow gown. “Kiku, you’re here!” She smiled far too wide for it to be genuine. “It’s so nice to see you bravely walking.”

Kiku hummed in agreement, pushing down the frustration in her belly.

Kiku’s brother, Daiki sauntered over to them after leaving his wife at the corner of the hall. He smiled, leaning in to kiss her cheek. “You got her out of hiding, good.”

“I wasn’t hiding, I simply enjoy my private company.” Kiku didn’t bother smiling back at him since he perfectly knew how she felt about him.

Daiki scoffed. “Just enjoy yourself.” He patted her shoulder before walking away from his wife who tried to ignore wherever her husband was going off to. “Yoongi, come to drink.”

Yoongi stammered, looking between Daiki and Kiku.

“Just go, he’ll need more supervision anyway.”

Yoongi nodded before walking over to Daiki.

Kiku took a drink and took a comfortable seat away from as many people as possible. She took a book that was haphazardly thrown on an end table, beginning to read.

Unfortunately, nobles were more like vultures than humans. The moment noblewomen noticed that it was mad Kiku sitting at the lounge chair, the more they flocked for the picking.

“How’ve you been, Kiku?” One noble lady asked with her cheeks rouged until it looked blood.

“Are you feeling well?” The other asked.

“I’m alright, thank you. Just needed to be alone.” Still want to be alone, Kiku thought.

“It’s a shame with all that’s happened,” the first lady said. “With that boy.”

Kiku cleared her throat, keeping her eyes on the book. “It’s in the past now.”

“It looked very serious at the moment. You were so ready to give up your riches, I was concerned.” The second lady said. “I knew you were getting far too swept away with him. I told them that I could recommend a physician.”

“Now, now, I’m sure she has her own physicians to tend to her.” The first lady patted her shoulder.

Kiku narrowed her gaze then. “I’m sorry, a physician?”

“Well…you know, people have been talking and your brother is so private about you. We thought you were…destabilizing. I mean you were going to leave your home for that boy.” The second noble lady, Charlotte her name was, laughed. “It was so obvious he wanted the fortune, why else would they bother to break such rules?”

Kiku felt her body burn but she kept a neutral face. “It may be a struggle to understand but I was in love, not insane.”

“Clearly, it wasn’t requited, darling.” Charlotte snickered. “Your poor brother had to fix the mess in such record time, I admire him.”

“Sounds rather similar to a mess you got yourself in recently, Charlotte,” Yoongi’s voice cut into the tension.

Charlotte chuckled bitterly as her eyes flickered back. “Excuse me?”

“How your baby was born in record time of six months. Your husband managed to be stupid enough to believe that his strong seed shortened the pregnancy,” Yoongi said.

Charlotte blushed, stammering.

Yoongi held out his hand. “Come, we should get some clean air.”

Kiku tried not to smile too much at Charlotte’s dumbfounded face as she held onto Yoongi’s hand and followed him out into the gardens.

The air was so cool and sweet out here that she could’ve cried. She had clearly forgotten how stifling ballrooms were despite looking like opulence sent from heaven. Kiku let out a deep breath of relief.

Then they looked at each other before Kiku let out a laugh. “Charlotte’s baby?”

“It’s Matteson’s.”

“Wow. I didn’t even know they liked each other.”

“They probably don’t.” Yoongi chuckled.

Kiku stayed silent for a while as they settled themselves near a patch of flowers. They sat like this for a while as if Yoongi knew she was getting adjusted the welcomed calm of it all. “Thank you for taking me out of there.”

“I made you come here. It’s the least I can do,” Yoongi said. “I’m sorry I forced you.”

“It’s okay, I didn’t know it was gonna be that brutal.” Kiku rested back against the plum tree, still slowly picking up blossoms. “But it always is.”

He hummed. “So…this boy…”

Kiku looked at him curious. “He never told you?”

“I mean, it was vague, I didn’t really know what happened.” Yoongi raised his shoulders.

Kiku pursed her lips together.

“You don’t need to tell me.”

“If they knew, you may as well.” Kiku chuckled sadly. “I fell in love with a commoner boy, he was one of the cooks. I grew lonely in the palace and I thought…maybe if I ran away with him, I’d be happy. But he wanted the entire garden, not just the single blossom.” She had never been able to voice it out ever since it happened.

Daiki spent most of his days trying to pretend it never happened and in some way, Kiku wanted the same too. Even the wedding was meant to be a haphazard way to pretending nothing was wrong. It was only now she truly expressed it to someone. And her heart clenched, finally understanding that it has been broken and bruised. She didn’t cry but it was a quiet realization of her pain. One she could now share for a moment.

Yoongi’s heart dropped as he looked out to the garden. “I don’t like too many flowers choking my sights anyway.” It wasn’t the most clever of comforts but it was the most he could gather as every statement or insult thrown at her played in his head. He liked Daiki but he had very much adopted the dismissive nature of his parents when it came to uncomfortable topics. Yoongi’s mother taught him different.

Kiku chuckled. “Good to know.”

The days had become far more pleasant ever since that night in the garden. Kiku and Yoongi managed to compromise on going to balls twice a month instead of every week while also keeping a time limit on how long they could withstand the nobles. Although, other rumours became far more interesting as Kiku was established as a recurring face. Even Charlotte and Matteson’s affair turned stale on everyone’s tongues.

Kiku spent her mornings strolling around her gardens as a way to heal her mind. Yoongi usually read during this time and Daiki hadn’t quite visited to make his presence known, so it was a delicate calm over the estate.

She thought it would be another gentle day. Another day to appreciate the new feelings of joy thrumming through her. And yet here he was.

The face she was so excited to see after a frustrating conversation with Daiki. The face that had given her so much comfort and then so much unimaginable heartbreak.

“Hanzo,” Kiku said.

Hanzo smiled sweetly. “My lady.”

“Why’re you here?” She asked.

He stammered, smile disappearing, clearly expecting Kiku to be elated in some way. “I wanted to see you.”

Kiku scoffed. “You’ve seen me now.” She tried to turn away back into the house to see Yoongi. Anyone else to make this go away.

But Hanzo walked past her, stopping her in her tracks. “Please, I just wanted to explain myself.”

“No need.” Kiku tried to push past him but he was persistent.

“I was foolish, okay?” His voice turned desperate. “You were asking me to run away with you, I needed the money.”

“Do you want money right now?” Kiku glared at him.

“No, I—I didn’t mean to leave you. I was going to lose my job if you eloped with me.” Hanzo gestured. “We would’ve been destitute, you need to understand.”

“It’s in the past now, why’re you coming back here?” Kiku pursed her lips together.

Hanzo paused for a moment, using up her time as much as he could apparently. Just like before. All that time and love used, drained from Kiku until there was barely anything left. “I have another job now. It’s better pay, I have a house and it’s in the forest, like you wanted.”

Kiku shook her head. “You left me without saying anything.”

“But you have to understand.”

“I would’ve understood if you told me,” Kiku spoke through gritted teeth. “What the hell did you take me for?”

“Well, you can come back to me.”

Kiku chuckled bitterly. “The court deemed me insane for trying to be with you.”

“You’ve never listened to them before.”

“Yes, well, my brother does and he tried to counteract it.”

He was confused only for a moment before realization captured his face. “Who is it?”

“Yoongi.”

“That’s not fair.” Hanzo tried to reach out to hold her.

A weak part of her wanted to let him but her feet stepped back out of instinct. “You should know a lot about that.”

“Just come with me then,” he muttered like sweetness.

“I’m not coming with you.”

Hanzo’s expression turned sour. “You were willing to when I was some helpless cook.”

Kiku’s heart squeezed. “Is that what you’ll keep telling me when we live in your house in the forest? Everytime you hurt me, you’ll excuse it by saying you were some helpless cook that I preyed on.”

Hanzo shook his head, stammering. “I didn’t mean it that way.”

“We’re going to conveniently forget that you found me crying and thought it was a wonderful time to gain some money. And when you realised you couldn’t get it, that you’d just get a pathetic, sad lady, you ran away.” Tears burned in her eyes. It wasn’t the quiet realization she had in a calm mind with Yoongi but this was messy, uncomfortable and unsafe. She was falling into vulnerability to a man who would let her descend to her death if there was gold on another path. There was no comfort in these tears, just hurt.

He shook his head. “That’s not—”

“Don’t fucking lie to me,” Kiku said, eyes glossing. “I gave you my heart, soul and body and you discarded it because it wasn’t enough of a promotion.”

Hanzo raised his hand in defense, reaching again for her arm. “I spoke out of turn.”

Kiku pushed his hand away roughly. “No, you expressed exactly who you are. If I ever for a moment miss you again, I’ll remember this so thank you.” She pursed her lips together. “Now get the fuck off my estate.” She turned and walked back into the house.

Kiku entered the lounge room in a thrumming of heat, taking off her hat and tossing it on the nearest chair. Yoongi was reading a book on the main couch which was cushioned with a gorgeous pale blue velvet. He had it made a few weeks ago just so Kiku would feel more comfortable in the estate. Remembering this gesture seemed to have reminded her to breathe.

Yoongi peered over his glasses to see Kiku’s cheeks and eyes flushed red. His expression softened as he lowered the book. “Are you alright?”

Kiku closed the door behind her for privacy and walked towards him, pacing around. “I just…I just need…” Her heart was pounding so hard that she could hear it in her ears, unable to think or feel anything from the numbness of her fingers.

Yoongi placed the book to his side, placing all his attention on her now. The sunlight softly kissing his flesh, showing the fuzz on his hair like gold wisps. “Okay.” It wasn’t accusatory or questioning. Just an acknowledgement that he was there.

This made Kiku breathe a bit calmer although her hands were still shaking. She had desperately wanted to see Hanzo’s face for so long. Why was it that the moment she was finally content with her life he had to come back again? Rip out all those mended patches and make her bleed in front of him. “He came back.”

“Oh.” His dark brows quirked behind his gold rimmed glasses.

“He just came back as if I was waiting patiently for him.” Tears blurred her vision but as she blinked, it began to dry from a rise in anger. “Like some puppy left for a few hours.”

“Is he still here?” Yoongi nodded to the door.

Kiku shook her head, chest heaving up and down. “I sent him away.”

“You sent him away?” Surprise laced his tone.

“He wanted me to be his housewife in a forest cottage,” Kiku said before scoffing. “I’m such a fool. I thought he was a good man.”

“Perhaps in his way, he might be.” Yoongi shrugged, tapping his fingers on the top of his book.

Kiku glared at him in her rush of fury, although it was not directed at him completely. “Are you defending him?”

“I’m defending a past version of yourself that trusted him,” Yoongi spoke calmly. “You said yourself that you needed company and he was there. Thus he was a good man in his own way.”

Kiku took a breath to say something but couldn’t. She looked away to the mirror before staring at him again. “When did you get so intelligent?”

Yoongi had a gentle shocked face. “I’ve always been intelligent.”

“Not with my brother.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “You really need better friends to bring more of that out.”

“I have you, it seems to be helping.” Yoongi gestured to her.

A small smile creeped on her face, the tremors of her fingers now soothed and her body gently still in the comforts of the home she began to adore. “Good. I like it.”

“Did you tell him you married me?” He asked.

“I did.”

“What was the look on his face?” It wasn’t hard to notice the small quirk on the corner of his lips.

Kiku couldn’t help but smile. “Why’re you so interested?”

“Merely curious.”

She hummed in interest. “He was quite upset.”

“He looked pathetic, didn’t he?” Yoongi didn’t hide his smirk now.

“He did a little.” Kiku’s smile widened.

“Good,” Yoongi said. “You deserve better.”

Kiku scoffed. “Says my husband.”

“Am I not better?” He gestured to himself.

“I don’t have enough materials to be the perfect judge for that.” She tilted her head.

“Well, you’re free to gather them whenever you like.”

Kiku smiled, feeling a burn on her cheeks but not from anger. She took a deep breath. “I’ll go take a bath.” She turned on her heel.

Yoongi hummed, picking up his book. “Let me know if you need help.”

“I’ll be fine.” She smiled over her shoulder.

As she walked out of the room, Kiku rested her back on the door to calm her breathing for entirely different reasons. Her cheeks burning and her heart delightfully beating against her chest. She quickly tried to clear her throat and straighten up when a few maids walked down the hallway to clean the house.

Hanzo had no impact on her life anymore. All thought or memory faded so quickly just by the smallest conversation with Yoongi. So why waste the whole day caring about him? Or reflecting on him? She had taken enough time.

Opening the door again, Kiku closed it back again and rushed over to Yoongi. He was only just putting his book away again before she pounced on his lap and pulled him into a kiss. The book now pushed away and forgotten, Yoongi encased his arms around her, cupping her cheek and deepening the desperate kiss.

Kiku gently untied his shirt, sneaking her fingers and brushing them against his warm skin. Thumb caressed the bump of his neck as she ground against his hips, feeling him harden against her movements.

Yoongi unbuttoned her dress, letting her shrug off his outer layer before placing feverish kisses on her chest. He placed her on the couch, kissing the valley of her breasts sweetly.

The door opened behind them. “Sir?”

“Not now,” Yoongi groaned and the door promptly closed.

Kiku laughed as she undid his pants. “It could’ve been important,” she said.

Yoongi hovered over her. “Not important enough.” He kissed her neck, biting down the skin until it bloomed like a rose.

Kiku pushed him to lay him back, pulling out his cock, blushed at the tip before taking him into her mouth.

Yoongi intertwined his fingers into her hair, latching off the pins to let it flow prettily against his hand. He guided her mouth up and down his length. The warmth of her tongue sending waves of pleasure to his head, sending him to the edge quicker than he could control himself.

He pulled her up swiftly and kissed her.

Kiku straddled him with a sly smile as Yoongi untied her inner dress, pushing it down to expose her breasts. He suckled on one of her nipples, caressing the other. Kiku kissed the top of his head. She lifted herself up, positioning to the tip of his hardened cock and sliding down. They both moaned in tandem as her warm, sodden walls engulfed him completely.

As the slight ache passed, Kiku swayed her hips, feeling the tip of him touching deep inside her that pleasure bloomed like a tulip in morning light. She threw her head back, giving Yoongi the chance to kiss trails down her neck and chest.

Yoongi pushed her dress up, digging his nails in the skin of her back, encouraging her to move faster and she did.

With a fervour, she bounced on top of him, pushing them both to the height of pleasure as their skin began to sheen and heat with passion. Kiku let out a shaky moan before Yoongi pulled her for another kiss, catching whatever breath she let out so it belonged to him in this moment. And Kiku gave it to him happily.

She gripped the couch for balance as she targeted her own sweet spot, throwing her head back in ecstasy. A long needed pleasure that she had been deprived of for over two years.

At the sheer rush of speed and pleasure, Yoongi reached his climax. A flurry of bliss fluttered through him.

Gorgeous heat filled Kiku, making her fall forward, grasping him for dear life as she felt every drop of his release inside her. Hot breath heaved against his cheek.

Yoongi snuck his hand between her legs, rubbing at her clit until she peaked to her own orgasm, pulsing against his cock until the mess was slick on both their clothed thighs. Kiku let out a shaky whimper, pressing her forehead against his.

Yoongi kept rubbing until she jerked against his hand.

She pushed him away gently as the sensitivity began to twinge. “Stop, stop,” she whispered with a light chuckle.

Yoongi laughed breathlessly, kissing her jawline.

They stayed this way, calming their breath and stilling their trembles. Kiku hugging him closer, nose nudging against his.

Yoongi traced the edges of her hairline. “Do you have enough materials now?”

Kiku chuckled through her nose, kissing him. “Alright, you’re better.”

masterlist

#yoongi #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #bts imagines #yoongi fanfic #yoongi fanfiction #yoongi imagines #bts historical au #bts au #bts x oc #yoongi x oc

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fumifooms · 9 hours

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Chilchuck, family & alcoholism

Collection of thoughts and speculation on Chil’s upbringing, his dynamic with his family and how alcoholism ties into it all. If you want the groundwork info on Chil’s background I recommend my masterpost on his family, here it’s really just me speculating from the crumbs we get of his parents and siblings, how it’s all affected him and in turn affected his own wife and kids etc etc.

There’s nothing more I’d like on mother’s day than to speculate about Chilchuck’s maladaptive attachment style. I’m fascinated by how distant everyone is and how much he’s been devoted to them all despite having been so absent. Intergenerational trauma get over here

Actually it’ll be easier if I make a rundown here too, it’s just stuff I reiterate from my masterpost tho.

Tiny table of contents: 1- rundown: family facts 2- rundown: alcoholism 3- dad 4- parenting 5- daughters 6- wife

^ Every time his dad gets mentioned. His mom never gets mentioned. His siblings I think are only ever mentioned in this extra, and then there are more ambiguous relatives cameos.

We know is hometown isn’t Kahka Brud, but we’re not sure wether he moved there upon getting his own house (presumably around when he got married at 13), or if it’s only after his wife when he rented out his place to relatives then rented the place in Kahka Brud.

If he rented it out to relatives, maybe that meant it was in his hometown? Especially if he and his siblings are "almost strangers" so presumably he doesn’t really keep in touch with his family. And I mean, he hasn’t seen his wife or daughter in 4 years so you can imagine how he’s like with his more distant family…

Additionally half-foots and Chil are very coded to be from an impoverished opressed working class people. So that’s the context.

I’ll say that I mentioned intergenerational trauma at the beginning, and I def think the distrust of elves is part of that, but here I want to focus on the interpersonal effects rather.

Copy pasting my masterpost thoughts overall: Chilchuck is hinted to have had a rather dysfunctional family himself (alcoholic father, distant siblings, etc). So he doesn’t really have the best model on how to raise someone and such. I imagine it was a sort of neglectful home situation, where the kids are encouraged to be independent. If they didn’t have to work or help around much, then a free range parenting sort of thing.

We do see how the family has full and warm feasts, where someone cleans his mouth with a rag, so it’s not like he didn’t have caring people or had a tragic childhood though! I don’t remember if it’s explicitely stated but he’s heavily implied to having grown up poor, as most half-foots, and I just think it’s the hardened hardworking family type of childhood where just like he does with others, they instilled somewhat harsh life lessons in him, which in turn encourages him to indulge in the simple pleasures of life like alcohol and sex, or at least women’s beauty and crass jokes. We do see he seems more optimistic when he’s younger in flashbacks, so a bunch of his harsh view on the world is still likely learned and earned rather than taught.

I still think he inherited many flawed views from how his father acted, like his attitude about excessive drinking not being a big deal, it being worth it. That work hard play hard, enjoy life die young mentality he has, shown mostly in the “alcohol” section of his Adventurer’s Bible profile, could very well be partly a result of the general poverty half-foot communities are that he grew in as well, like how he doesn’t hope for things to be as best as they could be and contends with good enough. As far as I remember, his mother is never mentioned, but I doubt it implies she was out of the picture. She was probably a regular sort of mother that took care of the home and was still around when his father died, not unlike how Chil’s wife was implied to be a housewife. It looks like there’s a good age gap between one sibling to the next, that could be interesting to speculate about too. Mostly though I think it’s big family because it’s just sorta what happens when you regularly have sex and you don’t have contraception, being poor often makes family planning harder for various reasons and leads to more children.

Alcoholism context rundown:

Good Chilchuck analysis baseline here. Alcohol seems to be his main stress reliever/coping mechanism, especially for how emotionally constipated he is, and his job is being stressed about his party’s safety. Then he also mentions as a changeling that having his senses dulled feels relaxing to him, further confirming alcohol, as a drug that dulls senses, is something that he likes for the intoxication aspect and feels it’s relaxing. Alcohol also acts as a hunger suppressant, so it for sure has played a role in his dieting and unhealthy eating/diet habits, especially since he shows the instinct to drink to soothe hunger, all of that about how going hungry for 3 days used to feel manageable. Chil dieting info compiled here.

Chilchuck is at his most effortlessly cheerful when drunk or drinking. Compilation of every time he was drunk here.

And to be clear, a cheerful drunk is still a drunk. He literally will drink anytime he gets the opportunity to even if he’s aware overdrinking leads to health problems and death. Like canonically. He does NOT see how drinking should be a problem and does not seek to show restraint with it.

Dad of the dad

Marcille and Chilchuck having a talk on how losing a dad be like "You lost your dad young too…? I know how it is, it must have hit you hard…" "No not really tbh. Do you want lasagna or chicken for dinner?" <- either genuinely doesn’t feel much about his dad’s death or has 10 layers of repression, idk which is worse

I think Chil not making a big deal out of his dad’s death, not having worries in following into his footsteps that way in the least, is super interesting.

As a buddy @saccharineomens puts it: " I kinda imagine chilchuck and his dad didn't have a bad relationship, but in general chilchuck is so blase about drinking (he sees it as a delightful time, a wonderful thing! he wouldn't mind dying doing something he loved!) that he's not very upset about his dad's passing? like "yeah, he died, but i was already an adult, he was an adult, he made his choices, i make my choices, it's cool" " And I’ll nitpick that we don’t know how old he was when his dad died, I always assumed it was pretty early since Chil left home when he got married, and like I’ve gone into he doesn’t seem to be the keep in touch type. It’s on the table though, and he could have learned about it through letter if nothing else and that contributes to the "meh" reaction.

And that is very Chilchuck, the whole "we made our choices, it is how it is, he died doing something he loved", and you can totally believe that that’s the crux of it, but I do think the nonchalance hints at the family overall being distant and not only the siblings, that there’s dysfunctional shenanigans going on in there more than just… Healthy coping and having moved on.

I wonder when Chil first drank… And I wonder how he came to realize he liked alcohol a lot. His father probably gave him sips… Or he stole them

No because, with how disaffected he is about his father and siblings I could definitely see him having started to kind of numb himself/dissociate with the help of alcohol in that home environment that felt so… Either devoid of feelings or too messy to get attached.

Because too… We saw him have a family/community feast of some sort presumably when he was a kid, in that chapter cover, so it’s not like there’s no warmth or sense of family at all, but then like… What went wrong? If as I theorize that girl with short black hair in that panel is his future wife, since she’s his childhood friend and all, what if his family/home life was always kind of cold and distant, even when gathered and cheery or despite those occasions? So then it’s like, at the family gatherings, she’s the most important person there to him, the one he actually connects to the most, the warmest presence he has…….. Someone he jokes around with that feels on the same speed as him, that doesn’t have the same connotations as everyone else present, a bit of a haven, someone different, a breath of fresh hair and a regained sense of childhood… Spitballing of course of course

I feel like they had a pretty big family and they were poor and such so there were always chores to be done etc, so their household might have operated like a mini busiess of sorts where everyone’s too busy, always has this and that to do and the mother asks them to go do tasks. I used to think it might be more of a neglect situation, where the kids are expected to provide for themselves and so cook their own meals and whatnot, both parents distant, but I don’t think so with the feast illustration. Chil at the beginning of canon used to see eating as a practical thing more than anything, you have to eat to live but don’t eat much or your weight will make your job more dangerous, might as well skip meals and have beer instead, etc etc. So the thought that he doesn’t know how to cook all that well despite this speculated background where he cooked for himself and keeps cooking minimalistic, since he does tell Senshi he taught him about cooking, is fair, but still… There could definitely be a situation where his older siblings were pushed into a parental role too, where they helped with the food and raising the younger siblings etc etc. As mentioned, the age gap between siblings may play into the dynamic as well. But on this front I have less ideas…

So yes my general take on Chil’s family is that everyone was too busy to emotionally connect as much as is normal, the parenting leaving things to be desired with alcoholism and emotional neglect.

Fathering

And I think that’s especially interesting considering he hasn’t been keeping in touch with his daughters either. It’s "they’re independent now" and that’s kinda it. His daughters haven’t sent him letters or visited him or tried to make him talk to their mom again. It does feel like with his own parents and siblings to me, where people are almost strangers, where relationships grow apart and everyone shrugs and goes ‘that’s how things are’. Is it that everyone including all his daughters gave up on trying to keep in touch, or is it that they all went "well divorced or not he’s absent, this is our normal tbh", and which is worse?

So yes, I think his relationship with his daughters is probably similar to his relationship with his parents, sort of hands off. Chil's dad was probably not a good dad but probably not quite a bad dad. A definitive He Was There, to quote another friend heh

Imo the thing with Chil is that he was pretty absent bc of work travels to dungeon dive, right. He’s working hard to provide for his family but in the process he’s not spending much time with them, slowly making a gap grow between him and them as they drift apart and change as people. He’s a career dad who never realized spending time with his family was more important and threw his pager into the ocean— But also here’s the thing!! You want to say being his family is more important, but money is arguably more important! They’re poor, they don’t have the privilege of free time as much. Sure he’s not there, but he is providing for them what they need to keep living and growing healthily. Similarly, you want to say Chil should stop doing harsh dieting for weight management, but, he has a point, maybe starving is still preferable than dying in traps. Of course the ideal would be to change jobs, but again, life is a struggle and that’s not always an option.

^ Truly the classic "if you don’t listen to me, your parent, a cryptid is gonna kidnap you!" international experience………

He is so so so the "What? My way of parenting is kinda bad? But my father raised me like that, and look how great I turned out!" <- emotionally dysfunctional…….. "Pshhh what do you mean having an alcoholic parent negatively affects you? My father was an alcoholic too and look at me" 🤡

All of it was behavior normalized to him. And listen, I’m saying this but not as like, shirking of his part in it. This isn’t a teen or young adult, he’s middle aged, he’s become the one giving and not receiving the generational trauma. He’s chosen to never think deeper on the topic.

And like, he himself is so indifferent to his father and what their relationship was like, of course he wouldn’t notice if a parenting choice wasn’t great for his daughters. He doesn’t have a relationship with his dad, he’s not (at least not consciously) traumatized by him, so from his perspective it’s mission success! He got raised decent enough 👍⭐️ Except he doesn’t realize that like, not particularly caring if he died is sign of a problem between them in itself… And this even as he remains somewhat of an important figure in his life, especially since that’s who he sees on the other side of the life river in the ghost chapter. It’s implicitly the biggest instance of loss through death Chilchuck has in his life I think.

But despite it all he obviously does love his family a lot, right. So I do believe that like, while he has imperfect standards when it comes to parenting he still tries to be better than his dad was, that even if it’s necessary that he has a lot of long work travels, he spends time with them. And there’s sort of this dissonance that he’s both "it doesn’t matter wether i’m here or not, they’ll live, they’re tough girls. Oh they didn’t like my scolding earlier? It’s just how kids are" dismissive and "I love them so much and I want them to have a good life. I want to do my best by them" devoted and so so caring. And like that’s why he works so damn hard, he does it for them, but also that’s why the girls grew up with an absentee father and aughhhh AUGHHHH the unsolvable dilemma of it all Chilchuck in Dunmeshi truly represents like, the harshness of reality & the world and how sometimes things will just suck no matter what, and then of course balancing that with Marcille in their shared arc where she tacks on "And despite that there is beauty everywhere even in the small and menial things, despite that your flawed relationships and dreams are still worth fighting for" ie giving reconciling with his wife a shot, etc.

All that said I think the very strict "you’re gonna grow up to have a stable job by god, young miss" attitude, those strong work ethics he highly values and focuses on and no doubt tried to instill in is own kids, is something he somewhat inherited from his own upbringing and parents.

In my masterpost bit on his parenting, I said I don’t think he’d do any kind of corporeal punishment, but. I do wonder about spanking aftee all. It can be so so easy to rationalize it… Sigh

Daughter pov

Again, my general interpretations for the daughters are written in my masterpost. I think Patti knows her father the least and is the one least worried about jobs and stability and least settled down as a result. Flertom is the more social one who I imagine tended to be the one worried about her parents’ couple and their emotions the most. And Meijack… Ohh Meijack.

When your father tried his best to provide for you but he worked all the time and even when he was home he was either tired or stressed and he’s always liked to get drunk to relax and cheer up. When you know he values work ethics and respectability so you grew up to be capable and quiet. And when he says you’re like him you’re sort of puzzled, does he really know you so little, or does he know himself so little? But you like the feeling of your father ruffling your hair so you accept it and still you stand next to your mother just as quiet and just as stoic during family gatherings. He leaves again and again and when your mother leaves him nothing changes, really. You wonder if it’s more telling that you know him better than he seems to himself or that you don’t know him as much as you wish you did, or that you don’t think about him all that much these days. Out of sight out of mind

Thinking of those posts about how kids never forget and during the "draw your family!" things at school, some of the kids draw their working parents seperate from the rest of them...

Absent father and when he’s at home you get the crumbs of him that you get and you’re grateful for it and that’s that <333

She doesn’t know how much he loves them bc he hasn’t showed them in a long time </3

The horror of drunk Chil in my fics is often about what in this state he can’t do rather than what he could do, how someone who’s as proud of his skills and work ethics as he is has truly changed, not comprehending how he could become so sloppy or how he could allow himself to get like this, marred the values he preaches above all else. It’s in the way that he fumbles with doorknobs, that he could never lockpick a door if you were to lock it, and it both being your salvation and bringing you extreme distress at the thought of it all. His footsteps usually featherlight now sound heavy as stone, like a troll’s.

You know the thing that gets me so bad with alcoholism angst is when people describe the drunk person as a stranger. Often making a metaphor that they’re monsters, have some monster they shapeshift into uncontrollably once in a while, as a way to split the unreconciliable halves of the person sober and drunk in your vision of them……. It gets me soooo bad Little Puckpatti growing up on tales of trolls kidnapping disobedient kids and replacing them with doubles so no one even knows they’re gone… Coming face to face with a drunk Chilchuck that roams the halls of the house with heavy steps in the night, because she wanted to go drink a glass of water, too thirsty to sleep………..

And this is where I reveal that I wrote a fic about just that!! Trolls that thump and tiptoe through the night Mei @ Chil, You made me of stone and still every day you wear me down and chip away at me bit by bit

In the end notes I describe my takes and interpretations: With Mei I tried to give the sense of a kid who sacrifices some parts of childhood to feel closer to her parent, like not playing games to spend more time with him no matter how empty, or wanting to be worthy in his eyes. With Fler, since she was the one in canon to take in their mother and write Chil a letter explaining the situation, I feel like she’s always been the one most involved and aware of the problems in their family. The one most there to emotionally support or to understand what the vibes in a room meant. Puckpatti I think knows her father the least, since with time I think Chilchuck was more and more away from work and more and more cynical like the flashbacks of younger him dungeon diving. I think because of her not minding unstable odd jobs that she’s the most passive, that she’s the most go with the flow. I do also love when Mei is the one most aware of her parents’ flaws and most critical as the eldest, but not in this fic. Meijack grows up to never touch a drop of alcohol, what people joke is the one difference between her and her father. Flertom drinks, too much sometimes, but she considers drinking should be a social activity rather than a habit. Puckpatti only drinks on special occasions when she has the chance.

They already don’t have that much time together because of his work, I wonder how big of a percentage the amount of memories the daughters have of him are when he’s not himself truly… How they kinda reconcile it all. It’s their normal.

And the thing that’s gutting too, is that Chil always looks so so much more open, relaxed, cheerful and happier when drunk than he usually is. He doesn't know how to get his defenses down without alcohol

"you're all that's good"

Because we do see how he truly used to not be so closed off and bitter. But distrust and fearing for betrayals from both coworkers and then his wife aka the person who’s supposed to be closest to him (he doesn’t even have close family besides his daughters. Does he even have close friends) turned him into what he is now. He was so cheerful!! Happy and trusting and optimistic.

He leaves and she left

God there’s the whole ‘wife leaving him’ trauma too is the thing… It had to have fucked him up so bad like no wonder he got paranoid and decided not to open up to ANYONE like. He never saw it coming is the scariest thing. He didn’t expect her to just up and leave. He didn’t see the warning signs. He won’t know if it’s coming this time either.

….. But then also, why he didn’t reach out to her (besides hurt) was because it was a petty silence treatment, like "oh she left without saying a word? Fine well I won’t reach out to her either" <- man who is so not fine and collected about it. It’s been FOUR YEARSSSSSSS I wonder if he always was like… "This week she’s gonna send a letter. … Ok fine, this month she’s gonna crack. … Within the year she’ll come crawling back." and it’s a bit why it was allowed to go on for this long unchecked like… Why he still considers her his wife even though functionally she’s more of an ex by that point after 4 years.

I can never stop thinking about him and his wife they’re fucking crazyyy. Him not reaching out to her started as a silent treatment from frustration. She never reached out to him either, she just up and left, didn’t even leave or send one last letter she’s just gone and has left this all behind, the house and everything in it. It’s been 4 years but he still considers her his wife and considers themselves only "estranged", "due to circumstances we haven’t seen each other in years". His face in the panel he said this is interesting too, trying to be casual but defensive and exasperated, already dreading the judgement and questions. He moved out of his house to rent a place in Kahka Brud instead. How much of him not reaching out was avoidance… Guilt, frustration, sadness, confusion, just procrastinating and dread and fear of a rejection more concrete, or something else… Maybe realizing he doesn’t miss her as much as he should, not enough to chase after her or try to get her back, just resigning himself to it… Is he a bad husband, is he a bad person? Should they reconcile?

Not seeing it coming… It’s half trust, that this person who’s so dear to you could never just up and leave and hurt you like that, half entitlement, thinking that she would never think of leaving, and third it’s blinding himself to the warning signs, not wanting to believe or acknowledge them. Because like, there WERE some, he said she "suddenly fell into a bad mood on the way back [from the outing]" and I don’t think he’s too dumb to be aware that something was off, he literally just dismissed it and then went surprised pikachu face when it turned out things were indeed off.

Part of it is definitely, how do you even react if your wife walks out on you without warning. If it happened to me I think that I wouldn’t reach out for a while either, wait for them to reach out to me first, give them space. As I put it in one of my marchil wips, "I respect your right to be rid of me too much to try and shackle you to me if you want to leave". Inaction is easier than admitting he’s scared to check and find out that the worst case scenario is true. It’s been years and he still hasn’t worked it out why she left. Do you think that’s on purpose. That he doesnt want to know for sure. It’s so so so scary to try and do anything about it

He said he didn’t reach out right away when she left because he was petty and wanted to give her the silence treatment back. Ok but is it that he blames her for their marriage falling apart or does he blame himself and he’s just misdirecting the conflicted feelings? Did he not reach out because a part of him was too scared to know why she left or if she would refuse to come back? Did he just think that she’d come back on her own, and things would get fixed while still staying unsaid and unconfronted like they always have, the first month, then the next and the next, until it was a year in and it sunk in that oh, maybe she wasn’t coming back?

He seems genuine here when he says that he was angry about it and gave her the silent treatment, but it is an habit of his to lie to make himself look worse instead of showing vulnerability, so who knows.

He is so so scared of being affected by relationships. Same thing with his compulsive habit to disguise his worry for anger. It’s why he doesn’t want people to have expectations of him, "I’m a coward I’m selfish", because then they can’t be disappointed, they can’t be surprised if he bites, they can’t leave when you lose what they’ve been staying for.

He has avoidant tendencies too. Every time there’s an interpersonal issue he just accepts it’s out of his control immediately. He’s passive when it comes to relationship problems, just like with coworkers, relationships are a ticking time bomb to him, and he just wants to be left out of it and come out unscathed. It comes back to his pessimism. He doesn’t think that like, things could be better. According to him life is tough and cruel, you accept your lot in life and make the best out of it and that’s it. If people are scummy you don’t whine about how unfair it is, you close yourself off and work to not be taken advantage of again and adapt. So then with his wife, when Marcille is like "Have you tried… Talking?" it’s such a crazy idea that it might work at all, that he could have the power to fix things… And that’s why it’s such a big deal when he goes "Alright I’ll try… I don’t know if it’ll go as well as in the stories, but I’ll try". That CRUMB of allowing himself to be hopeful is so huge

Honestly for the longest time I misread this bit, I thought she left in the night like how Marcille framed it, but no she left after he left for work. She left after he left again.

The way it’s told, it really sounds like Chilchuck just came home from work, stayed probably a couple of days in which they went to that outing together, then left for work again right away/soon after and it’s like. Was that outing the most special thing you guys did together. You came home from like a month of work, you had one outing where she ended up having a bad time, y’all didn’t talk about it further and then you left for another couple of weeks. Are you kidding me

Your married life is waiting for your husband to come home, spending mediocre time together, being shut down when you voice discontentment, and things being left unaddressed before he leaves again.

She left when he was gone for work, but did she leave the day of, or did she flip flop on it and took a while before working up the strength to leave? Was she waiting to see if he’d say anything before leaving and when he didn’t that was the last straw?

Chilchuck trying to prove a point that half-foots can make it out there, trying to rely more on himself because that’s the only person he can trust. His wife feeling like he's leaving her behind (because he does. over and over and over and over.) This guy just keeps throwing himself into work because he thinks it's what's best for everyone. Hey sir neglecting emotional needs can be kinda detrimental to everyone involved, I think you might wanna know that ^ quotes courtesy of @soappox

And to come back to alcoholism for a bit, alcoholism is alcoholism, and someone asked why I thought that a Chilchuck with depression would drink and cope through alcohol, since drinking seems to be something cheerful to him. It does puzzle me a bit but it’s worth going over, so… I don’t think him using drinking as a coping mechanism is far fetched at all. Cheerful drunks that are alcoholic still can absolutely use alcohol in ways like that. If something makes you happier, or even just more numb which translates to you feeling more free etc etc, then I definitely think it tracks that he’d keep drinking. Like personally I do think he’d drink a lot after his wife left him, and in rough patches like that. Depression -> not wanting to have to think, the days are blurring together and you either don’t want to be conscious or you want to feel something etc etc -> drinking for the alcohol. Alcoholics tend to be, well, dependent on alcohol. If something bad happens etc they’re usually more likely to go harder on it rather than stop. We can debate on when and why Chilchuck first started to drink but it’s straight up his favorite food now and it’s deeply ingrained in his life, in his favorite outings and activities and priorities and moods and meals. A CHEERFUL DRUNK IS STILL A DRUNK!!! They drink to get happy not drink because they are happy, though obviously the two can have overlap.

Chil represses sooo much. His solution to interpersonal conflict and feelings is just don’t think about it and dull your feelings & senses to everything ✨ I love him. I need to kill him with hammers Like the other day I was thinking about an AU where he might have ran away from his neglectful home or something, but then I remembered he deals with everything including his family by dulling his feelings and senses to things 🫠 He wouldn’t leave

I’d say he doesn’t look troubled by loss through death, moreso loss through mistakes. His nightmare is his daughters dying yes, but moreso them being killed, there’s an axe in the wall etc, it’s about having failed to protect them.

If he can’t fuck something up or if he’s already fucked it up there’s this pacifying sense that he can’t have the rug pulled from under him, because that’s what having connections is, having a wife isn’t an insurance it’s a rug waiting to be pulled. And his brand is sort of Flawed Mr Mistakes Man so he’s kinda been having to cope lol. I do think he throws himself into workaholism, because it’s sort of the only way to live he knows, making yourself capable and useful and spending his days working like that, less time to think, too tired to think. Senses dulled, senses that are usually too sharp, cutting with clarity that he prefers ignoring and avoiding. Work is something he doesn’t have to feel through, something that gives him pride and self-esteem, something through all the danger and life or death risk feels safer, emotionally. No one taught him how to deal with things another way, it’s always been suck it up and work.

Conclusion

Stop smoking we love you and we don’t want you to die

No drinking will not externalize your feelings no it won’t vent them out well please Chilchuck ple-ea-ease…….

</3 They should invent an alcoholism that doesn’t make you dysfunctional and hard to be around

^ Drunk, by The Living Tombstone

I’ve been thinking about enneagrams and Chil is 6w7 highkey. Becomes 3 when stressed, a little 8 but it’s more that he wants security so much that he becomes paranoid rather than having the core of an 8 y’know. I haven’t dug into it for quotes yet but this paper goes hard if you’re curious.

Dropping my relevant Spotify playlists here bc why not: Chilchuck & his wife, marchil angst

#I’m allergic to making short casual speculation posts apparently #Dungeon meshi #chilchuck tims #chilchuck’s family #Chilchuck’s wife #theories #meta #analysis #It was mother’s day when I decided to gather my old discord message and work on posting this so. Not fixing that intro #I’m always too late </3 #Marcille singing A Girl Worth Fighting For @ Chilchuck #Spoilers #i lost half of this post TWICE. This is my Joker arc #Hopefully i can finish my web weaving about this today #Chilchuck is so cool I wish dads were real #Chilchuck “my family doesn’t need me” tims #This almost killed me it’s not even the topic it’s bc tumblr wanted me dead. This silly post. It was supposed to be CASUAL and SHORT #Analysis #i just ended up talking about chil a lot again. Give me excuses to talk about him more #Character analysis #meijack #Puckpatti #flertom #fanfic #Fumi rambles

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kenzlovesyou · 2 days

Note

could you write something about you and Caitlins families being very close in high school and ur relationship growing from there?

ur idea is so cute! i’m so sorry it took me so long to get to it, i hope i executed it well!

Every Season - Caitlin Clark x Reader

➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖

Yours’ and Caitlin’s family had been friends for many years. The two of you had grown up neighbors, as your moms were best friends and it was their lifelong dream of living next door to each other. You remember when you were little, always going over to Caitlin’s house or her coming over to yours. Caitlin was your best friend in the entire world. The two of you did everything together. There wasn’t one day in the past 10 years that you hadn’t seen Caitlin.

When you and Caitlin hit your junior year of high school, time seemed to start moving too fast for your liking. It was a cold winter morning and you buttoned up the last button on your coat. With that done, you grabbed your bag and walked out the front door. Caitlin was there waiting for you in her car. That was the deal. As soon as one of you could, you would get your license and drive the other around. Caitlin, being 4 months older, had begrudgingly agreed on getting hers and now she was your personal chauffeur. You got into the car and went to buckle your seatbelt, “Morning, Cait,” you said to her absentmindedly, more focused on finding the buckle. Caitlin groaned as she took the buckle from your hand and did it for you.

“Y/n! Why’d you have to run late today of all days? I’m tireddd and I wanted to get coffee!” You knew she was halfway joking about her level of disappointment, but you still had an idea on how to help her feel better. “What if,” you started, “we just went now? We can skip first if you want?” You smiled at her expectantly.

Caitlin just stared back at you with a smirk. “When did you become such a bad girl, Y/n?” You wondered yourself where that idea had come from. You were always wondering where the sudden heat was coming from.

Caitlin drove you two to the drive thru window of a chain Coffee shop, and ordered for you both. She hadn’t even asked what you wanted. You always got the same thing, and she’d had it memorized ever since you started drinking coffee. You got your drinks and Caitlin pulled around to a parking space in the lot so you could hangout and drink them.

You stared at her as you sipped your ice coffee, taking in how her brown eyes sparkled more and more as the sun rose higher in the sky. You nearly choked on the caramel tasting drink as her hand reached down to grab your free one.

“Y’know I’m really glad you suggested this, Y/n. We haven’t spent much time together lately. Honestly I’ve missed this,” Caitlin stared at you with those sparkling eyes that you were just staring at a minute ago. ‘When did she get this..hot?’ You thought to yourself. Perhaps you were just delirious from lack of sleep. That was the only logical explanation. How else could it be then that you had known Caitlin all your life and never noticed her beauty in that way before?

Spring break of that same year, your parents plan a family camping trip with the Clark’s. The car ride is long and bumpy, but you don’t complain one bit because you think that you’d endure a lot more than a bumpy road trip if it meant you could spend time with your best friend. Your family pulled up to the campsite and you hopped out of the car. Caitlin’s family was already there and had done the majority of the unpacking and setting up camp already.

Caitlin sees you and jogs over to you. “Hey you.” She wore her usual smirk on her face. “Hey yourself,” you say back as you wrap your arms around her in a hug.

Sure, you two had always been a bit touchy, having known each other for so long, but you and Caitlin had found a new comfort in each other lately. From Caitlin having her arm protectively draped over your shoulder, to laying her head on your shoulder, to you rubbing her back after a long practice, the two of you had definitely grown more comfortable expressing your affection physically.

Caitlin grabbed your duffel bag off your shoulder and slung it over her own and led you to a tent. “I thought we could share one, and Colin and Blake could share with your brother. Is that cool with you?”

You had definitely been cool with that. In fact you were more than cool with it. You weren’t sure why, but the thought of alone time with Caitlin had made you feel so special lately. Like, wow! Caitlin wanted to spend time with you. Just you.

The summer before your senior year was when you really felt a change in yours and Caitlin’s relationship dynamic. You two were much more physical, and were hanging out even more than you already had been before. You’d stay after school to watch her practices, and after she’d drive you home. She’d go in your room with you, and the two of you would study together. Since she lived just next door, she wouldn’t even bother going home most of the time and would just sleepover with you.

It was another day just like that. You stayed after school to watch Caitlin’s practice, a particularly hard one at that, and watched as Caitlin slowly got more and more upset at the shots she was missing. Each time she missed, she huffed and looked away from you. She was embarrassed to be missing this much. After practice, her overall mood was still pretty low. She grabbed her bag and your arm and pulled you directly outside and to her car, not staying and chatting with her teammates for a couple minutes like she usually did. She sighed as she got into the drivers seat and banged her head on the steering wheel.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” You could tell she seemed like she wanted to cry. You looked up at her face and saw her eyes were glassy. “Cait, there’s nothing wrong with you!” You reached up to wipe her tears and you pulled her upper body to you and she stretched over the console. It wasn’t the most comfortable position, but you had hoped it would pose as some sort of comfort for the poor girl. “You are amazing and I love watching you play! Trust me, someday everyone’s gonna know who Caitlin Clark is” Caitlin chuckled and looked up at you from her head’s place on your shoulder. She admired how sweet you always were to her, you never yelled at her or made fun of her for crying like she knew her coaches or teammates could have done. You had always been her safe place, her place to run to whenever she was upset and needed comfort you. She saw comfort and you as synonymous. But lately, things seemed different. Had you been more sweet lately? Had you gotten prettier? Funnier? Caitlin wasn’t sure what it was, but now she had constantly felt a surge of emotion whenever she was around it. It was addicting to her, and she couldn’t get enough of it. It took over her mind and her thoughts so much to the point that she almost forgot how upset she was over her bad practice.

“Cait? Is everything ok?” You looked down at her.

“Everything’s perfect now. Thank you Y/n.” Caitlin smiled at you and resisted every urge not to kiss your lips that seemed to be taunting her.

Fast forward to summer, you and Caitlin had both committed to Iowa. Her for basketball and you for Caitlin. Your actual major was not Caitlin, but instead psychology. You could’ve studied it anywhere, so why not alongside your lover best friend? The two of you got a little apartment together, and you were somewhat happy.

You’d gotten what you wanted; to be with Caitlin. So why was it so painful for you to be around her now? Why did she feel so close and yet so far away all at the same time. You wondered if you could stay happy simply playing house with Caitlin, never making a move, but you knew that wasn’t the case. It was eating you alive.

Sure, she could feel the same. But what if she didn’t? What if she didn’t even like girls like that? Or worse. What if she did like girls and she just didn’t like you. That would be an even harder pill to swallow. You had always admired Caitlin’s ambitious spirit. For as long as you’d known her, she always worked hard to get what she wanted. Surely you could do the same and take of leap of faith for her.

Tears filled your eyes as the thoughts of possible rejection entered your mind. They encapsulated you so much that you didn’t even notice Caitlin walk in. She saw you on the couch curled up in a ball and was instantly confused. ‘Why hadn’t you called her and told her you were upset?’ She wondered to herself. She knows she would’ve came to see you at the drop of a hat.

“Y/n. Y/n, what’s wrong? Talk to me, it’s going to be okay. Come here, baby.” ‘Shit.’ Caitlin thought to herself. Had she really just called her best friend baby? Sure you were a little baby in her eyes, but you weren’t her baby.

“You’re my best friend, Caitlin. You’re my best friend and I’m so scared.” Caitlin immediately read you like a book. Was this you being the bravest girl in the world and breaking the invisible line of attraction that had been drawn between the two of you.

“Y/n. Shhhh. I love you. I love you so much you’ve gotta be my soulmate. I know it’s scary for us to admit it but honestly there’s nobody I would rather risk anything for.”

Your tears quickly dried and you wiped your nose. You saw Caitlin pouring her heart out to you and knew you had her in the palm of your hand. “Ohhhh. That’s great and all Cait, but I meant I was scared for my chem final coming up.”

The look on Caitlin’s face was priceless. “Fuck.” was all she could muster and stared blankly at the wall, contemplating every life decision. You started cackling uncontrollably, “Oh my god, Caitlin! I’m joking!” All she could do was scowl at you, then she got a bright idea herself. “Really? Prove it then.” You rolled your eyes at her, “Gladly,” and you pulled her in for a sweet kiss. It was soft and supple and you never wanted it to end; this kiss had to be like 18 years in the making. That first kiss, that was when you made the promise to yourself that now that you had Caitlin you wouldn’t let anything come between the two of you. She was yours, and you were hers. That was how it was meant to be, no matter the season of life you were in. You would always have Caitlin.

#wcbb #wcbb x reader #caitlin clark #caitlin clark x reader #iowa wbb #iowa hawkeyes

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tarotbydelilah444 · 2 days

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a love letter from your mother to you

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers, grandmothers, aunties, and new mothers around the world. You are loved and appreciated for all that you do from being a strong woman to being a mother to all, and you do it all with beauty & grace. Thank you for all that you do and that you continue to do. We love you! This message is to meant to apply to everyone, no matter who raised you, or you consider as your “mother.”

pile one • 💐

dearest one, my life was complicated and a mess when you came into my life. I went through a lot of changes when I found out about your existence. I had to come to terms with some harsh realities and learn from my many many mistakes in order to be the best parent that I could be for you, and it wasn’t always easy as I made it seem. You made me a better person. You gave me a second chance to do the right thing when everybody doubted me, and for that, I am eternally grateful for your existence in my life. You taught me valuable lessons and things I never knew that I was capable of. You taught me how to be a mature, patient, humble, and selfless human being and mother. Although I endured a lot of challenges when you came into the world, I do not regret a single thing, and given the chance, I would do it all over again. I am so proud of you and everything you have manage to accomplish in your life. Everybody knows how proud I am of you, and if it was possible I would scream to the top of my lungs, so that the entire world knows how proud you have made me as a parent. Baby, I want you to know that I will always be there to support you whenever you need me, you can always count on me when no one else is there, so don’t hesitate to lean on me when you aren’t feeling too strong. My favorite thing about you is your ability to rise above adversity. You are so resilient and you never allow anything or anyone to keep you down for too long. You just dust yourself off, get back up, and try again and again until you reach the stars. Now at times, you can be a bit of a perfectionist and way too hard on yourself, and I want you to know that it is okay to take a step back and give yourself grace because everyone needs a break every once in a while. Remember that Rome wasn’t built in a day. You are still the best in my eyes, no matter what anyone says or does. My precious child, the best trait that you inherited from me was your drive and determination to go after your dreams & aspirations. I’ve always known since the day you were born that you were going to do amazing things and be more successful than I ever was. You are truly the best parts of myself, and you are everything I could possibly ask for. I am so proud to be your mother.

sincerely

- your mama

pile two • 🌷 my sweet precious baby, I was so excited when you came into the world. I have always dreamt about how my family would look one day and I always dreamt of your precious face and how much love I would shower you in. You brought so much joy and happiness into my life at a time when I really needed it. Before you were born, I struggled to find purpose and balance in my life. I was constantly juggling my passions in one hand, and my priorities in the other. When you arrived, I immediately felt that you were not only my purpose, but my reason. I knew right away that I needed to make some changes in my life and do things that would make me happy. Your birth taught me how to give myself grace and how to take joy in the little things and never take anything for granted. You are my muse, my inspiration, and my pride and joy. I love you with all my heart and soul. Do you know what I absolutely love about you? I absolutely love your generosity. You have such a big heart and you are always willing to help out anyone that you see, but sometimes, I do wish that you be more careful and aware that not everyone has good intentions, or want the best for you. I also want you to be more comfortable in saying “no” to others instead of always trying to please others. You cannot pour from a empty cup, my dear. I love that you are so determined and goal driven. You never have to be forced nor told to get up and go after what you want in life, and for that I commend you for that. You are not one to accept losses because you understand that life presents challenges and you won’t always win every single battle, but you learn and accept the lessons that have been given to you with each challenging task, which in my opinion, makes you the strongest person I know. Last but certainly not least, I am grateful that you inherited my intelligence and curiosity for all things in life. You can be a bit of a overthinker and tend to worry over the littlest things, but I want you to know that everything is going to work out just fine, and there is no need to worry about every little thing, just enjoy this ride called “life”. I adore that you don’t follow the crowd and that you march to the beat of your own drum. You weren’t created to fit in, but pave your own path, no matter what anyone says, they are just intimidated by your uniqueness. Don’t ever try to fit into anyone box, and continue to be true to yourself. your truly, - your mama

pile three • 💐

my miracle child, you have no idea how much I am grateful for your presence in my life. You are everything that I could’ve ever imagined and I am beyond honored that you chose me to be your mommy. I prayed so many times for your arrival and I promised that I would always shower you in so much love since the day you came into my life. When I found out about you, I cried and jumped for joy because there were so many people that told me that I wouldn’t become a mother, but I never listened nor did I give up the fight. I pleaded and prayed to the Lord that he would bless my womb and heart with your beautiful soul, and he listened and delivered such a beautiful and wonderful human being. You are my best and greatest achievement in my life, and nothing could ever compare with you. I made a vow to God, that I would always love and treasure you for the rest of my life. I love you with every fiber of myself. I love that you are such a passionate and creative person. Your optimism is so inspiring and refreshing. I absolutely adore that you have such a zest for life, please don’t ever lose it even when life presents its challenges. Your smile and laughter brings me so much bliss and happiness. You manage to bring a smile to my face, even when I am going through a rough time, and for that I am eternally thankful. You are truly my best friend and I am so in love with being your mama. I am so happy that I have been blessed to watch your growth and be apart of every single stage. I am so proud of the person you have become today and you are the greatest child and best friend I could have possibly asked for. I am so glad that you inherited my perseverance. Your ability to keep going despite there being obstacles and difficulties in your path. Your resilience is admirable and you handle your challenges with so much grace. I’ve always known since you were meant for greatness and that you would accomplish so much life. My angel, I truly admire your independence, grit, intelligence, reliability, and nurturing spirit. with all my love, - your mama

#pac reading #tarotbydelilah444 #channeled message #tarotblr #channeled song #channeled messages #pick a card tarot #tarot #motherhood #mother’s day #mother’s love #Spotify

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yourplasticlittlespastic · 15 hours

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E̴N̴T̴W̴I̴N̴E̴D̴ - Series - Part 2

Part 1

Pairing: Benedict Bridgerton x f/reader

Warnings: Fluff and Sexual tension at the end -> Raw +18 warnings will come later in other chapters

Notes: Thank you for reading and for all the nice hearts you have given to this series <3 Ready for Bridgerton S3?

WC: 4.5K

It took all your strength to be on your right side of mind for a week. You called it a simple infatuation but your mind kept calling it... calling it... in reality, you didn't know how to call it but mere fixation was not. Was it supposed to happen in such a way that by only sharing a few glances, you could feel desire? This type of feeling was meant to be grown like plants, is it not? With talks, with promenades and tea and biscuits.

But you had those already.

Your eyes popped as the thought grew and grew. Indeed you have shared all of those with him. Seven years ago you started talking. He was your age, 21 and you 14 when by magic you two mixed like butter and toast. Talks? More than enough. Walks? More than a normal courtship can have. Tea and biscuits? More than you should have eaten.

You had scratched your forehead as you stared at the figure of Lord Coxingworth making his way to his carriage. The third talk of the week and you have learnt all the right things. All the proper ones. Benedict would have never.

"Stop it" you whispered as you shook your head, comparison cannot bring anything good, both are different and oh yes quite different "Ugh" you chastised yourself because your mind was going in circles "It is temporary," you said "My courses," you said looking at your dress, underneath "It might be that"

You were the most sentimental when your courses were expected. Indeed that was it, it is a good friendship and shall not be confused with anything more.

“Miss Ashbourne” the sound of Sarah appeared with a knock “an urgent note for you, from Eloise Bridgerton”

When you opened the small squared note you saw her handwriting in the fashion of urgency as she said “Let us exchange some judgemental words about the world. We should talk”

A sudden fear came to you, she knows. How could she? Benedict told her. How could he? No, he couldn’t.

You make no haste to walk out with Sarah by your side as you make your way to the park. It was a lovely day, the sun was out and there was no wind at all. The park was crowded and yet Eloise was easy to find, you knew where she would be, she loved the bridge and the pond.

“There you are future Lady Coxingworth or Marquise Ashdown”

“You should have brought swimming attire, it could have been the most useful when I threw you to the pond”

She smiled, her cheeks had the most beautiful glow as she gave you a hug and then proceeded to sit on the bridge. You sat beside her and let the sun hit your face and for a moment the focus was on another Bridgerton.

However, the crisp of the day proved to be more equipped than you two and so you decided to escort Eloise to her house. The grandiose of it always made your eyes soft.

“Well come on for a small refreshment and then you part” she offered and you accepted

And while walking inside the pastel drawing room you spotted the nape of Benedict as he kept reading the journal of the day.

“A bit late to read news is it not?”

He turned around from the soft couch and smiled at you “not at all, for me is morning still”

“Yes brother we all know you didn’t sleep last night”

Your stomach made a turn, why he didn’t sleep? Was he perhaps talking to someone?

“I have a commission coming next week and the deadline is approaching so I stayed awake working on the details and then I forgot it was morning already when I started drawing and... well it is done and here I am reading the news of the day with a headache” he closed the journal and stared at you “Miss Ashbourne, how are you this fine morning?”

You snorted, your morning was hours ago “Good thank you, the most wonderful morning” you followed the game “I came from the pond with Eloise”

“I have painted that” he commented “You’ll find a very badly angled canvas by the entrance"

“it is not bad, Benedict” Eloise said

“My profes-“

“Forget about art school, I can’t believe that you follow their word. Today’s art is bland like fish for breakfast”

He chuckles as you see their banter “They do have excellent points to give”

“And I am far from interested in them”

“What about you, Miss Ashbourne?”

“Me?”

“Interested”

In what? On who? You asked for yourself

“Well-“

“That is a yes” he stood up “sister would you mind…?”

“We have been walking and standing most of the afternoon, brother. She might be tired”

“Let her speak then”

Both pairs of eyes landed on you, how could you avoid a private chat with Benedict? Your heart was not prepared.

He offered his arm and you took it. Both of you walked downstairs, the colours of the sunset settling outside the majestic house.

“My mother has ordered them to hang every single painting I have made. Quite adamant I had to be with her for her not to hang my five-year-old pieces”

You laugh softly as the image comes to mind. “I would not blame her. Eloise is right”

“Hmmm”

“I am sure that professor had good points but art has proven to be the most emotional is it not?”

“Your point?”

“That one cannot structure emotions. One cannot compare the same canvas with the other one as if they were similar. They are not, they hold different emotions and perspectives.”

You stopped as Benedict looked at one of his paintings hanging on the wall. The fruit bowl had the most detail you have ever seen.

“You speak like a true artist,” he said still fixated on front

“I might not be one for the brush and paint but I do know other things”

He quickly turned “Like what?”

You instantly blushed. You were not going to start reciting mathematics or philosophy. So you shrugged in silence which made him smile.

“What about that stolen poetry book?”

“Oh” he remembered “in my room”

“Yeah? Well I don’t mind for a new poem today”

You snorted “I shall go, it’s getting quite dark outside and my mo-“

“I believe you don’t remember that for me is morning now”

You dropped your shoulders at the still childish game “Is it?”

“Oh it is”

“So on this fine morning” you smiled “you want me to fetch my book and come back so I can read one more poem?”

“Yes, after you have followed your pius girl routine”

“Meaning?”

“Aren’t you going to bathe?” He smirked as you slapped him with your hand“And eat with your mama and then prepare for bed?”

“Yes… I should do that” you whispered

“Come here before you sleep and read to me. I am not a stranger after all”

His smile and the glint of mischievousness were the things that made you follow that routine in its perfection.

The bathing went fast as the soapy rose water left your skin glistening, the dinner made your stomach fill and by the end when your mother said good night and your lady left you alone, you took the green robe by the end of your bed and did the most silent walk ever.

You walked with your velvet slippers and swayed across the gardens careful of not being noticed and minutes later you knocked softly on the window you knew the art studio was in.

It made you giggle, the thought of using the back door like any other servant. Such a sneaky way, such adrenaline of doing something like this and unaccompanied. If Lady Whistledown could see you now, tomorrow you were sure there will be a paper with only your name on it.

“You are late,” he said

“I am not, I did my things fast” you argued getting inside where the kitchens are “You have lost your sense of time today”

You didn't bother to close the door because it would have made a sound. The kitchens were empty and the only light that could be seen was the candle by the countertop.

"So which one would you read to me?" He said behind you

You turned seeing his face slightly darkened “Patience, let me sit down at least”

“You make me wait like a child”

“Are you not that?” You coyly smiled while walking to his studio, you knew above you the Bridgertons were sleeping and that only increased the adventurer within you. And when you entered, the same smell filled your lungs, you moved the robe and sat down on the maroon couch. You watched intently as Benedict eagerly closed the door and tried to move all the cluttered brushes and boxes.

You felt your body tense as he walked past the sofa and picked a book. You didn’t want to ask what the book was and why the sudden interest. You watched as he turned around with the book open.

“And what is that?” You questioned

“My own journal, I want to see if the poem will spark any sort of inspiration… for a painting”

“Very well” You nodded ready to split the book in your hands and ready but his hand as soft as a pillowcase stopped yours

“Forgive me, do you need something to drink?” He asked and saw the thoughts in your eyes “Perhaps something stronger than milk?”

“Brandy you mean?”

He shrugged “If you want a sip I can give you from mine”

“I am not a child. I am a woman”

“I know”

“Then I want a glass, a quarter of what you normally drink”

“Your wishes are commands, my lady, let me get us something and you shall begin reading while I look for it, yes?"

"Yes"

The candle by his desk was enough for you to see how he stood up and went to the corner where the brandy and the cups were. You opened the book on a different page and you adjusted your eyesight.

“I got it”

“Tell me the name” he ordered still pouring some brandy into what you believe is his glass

“Beneath the Velvet Veil”

“Ooooh” he remarked “beneath… the velvet rail. Do you believe is about what lies beneath a woma-“

“Benedict” you said harshly “not everything has to be about women”

“I disagree but please” he returned with the glasses and offered one “One sip before you start”

The smell of alcohol made your nose wrinkle nevertheless, you drank from the glass and let the liquor slip through. The burn in your throat made your eyes watery and it made you cough a little, the sweetness of it however made you feel more awake.

“Good?”

“Quite” You took another sip out of bravery and tasted it better, your eyes, suddenly fixated on the poem started to scan the first line

"Beneath the Velvet Veil"

Beneath the velvet veil of night,

Where shadows whisper, hearts take flight,

A silent war of classes rages on,

As dreams of change are fiercely drawn.

In cobblestone streets where lanterns glow,

The cries of the oppressed begin to grow,

Against the tyranny of wealth and power,

They yearn for justice in the midnight hour.

With fervent hearts, they take a stand,

United voices across the land,

For a world where privilege has no reign,

And every soul may dare to dream again.

Oh, let the winds of change arise,

And lift the veil from blinded eyes,

For in the hearts of those who fight,

Lies the dawn of a new, just light.”

Benedict blinked twice and rapidly formed a smile on his face “This one here can spark a revolution”

“It takes more than one poem to do so"

"True," he said drinking again "but it takes a poem with such desire to stir some passion in people" he leaned back and grunted "Does it say which year was published or at least... bind together?"

You quickly scanned it "No, there's nothing else"

"It can't be more than a few years old I assume, so whatever the fight this poem was trying to build... it failed" he snorted "We are still the same"

"Unequal wages outside London" you rapidly added "Social reputation as a means to oppress..." you sighed

Benedict curved his lips at the so sudden but so true comments coming from your mouth "You say it with such experience"

"I am a woman in society, Benedict"

"And a lovely one"

You blushed at his words, not the compliment that was given, but the way his voice was, a soft low tone as if he was singing and that made you stare at his lips for a second until you distracted yourself with one final sip of the fruity brandy.

"Thank you, what I mean is that I do know things"

He moved fast on his spot trying to stare at you "Yes you have said so already... please tell me, what are these precious things you know?"

You laughed and shrugged "A lot, Sciences, languages, music, social sciences"

Benedict snored and smiled "You are boring me"

You opened your eyes and took your hand and tried to pinch his arm "I am an accomplished lady. I am also quite observant"

"Are you?" he questioned, "are you really?"

"What does that mean?"

"Do you have an inkling of a clue as to why I have not slept?"

"Because you were working?"

"Partially" he took his hand and ruffled his messy strands of hair "That damned painting, the commission is taking longer"

"Because you can't sleep," you said

"No, because..." he dropped his shoulders and drank the whole glass "Because my thoughts are somewhere else"

You blinked slowly at his words "Are you well? I know a good doctor that-"

"I am well"

"But then what is it that is making your thoughts wonder?"

He licked his lips as the brownish liquid slipped through "You"

You swallowed as your throat went dry and as much as the fire within you wanted you to act confident... you just tried to be absorbed into the cushion as if you were retracting yourself.

Benedict took the silence as his turn to keep talking so he moved closer and rested his chin on the back pillow "Be so kind as to tell me how is it that inspiration works?"

what kind of question was that? you asked yourself and you again shook your head in silence.

He opened his mouth "Because I was alright before returning to London. It has been two months since the season started and look at me" he snorted "I had a good smear of inspiration given by Aubrey Hall and its landscape. I come here and start talking to you again as we have done so for years but this time my inspiration fades away"

You frown, an honest confused frown "Bu-"

"Oh do not give me that face, Miss Ashbourne" he gulps "You are aware of what you have been doing, are you not?"

"If you say I am responsible for your inspiration fading away..." you blinked "I don't kn-"

"It faded, yes but only for it to move all over you" he whispered and looked into your eyes

You gasped, your breath suddenly short and your chest tight. The words inked deep now in your mind and heart.

"I am not joking, it is true" he scratched his chin "It is the most confusing thing ever because..." he snorted "I cannot stop thinking about your face or about you wholly and it is more confusing because I know I started seeing you in other colours since last season"

"But I was only-"

"Twenty years of age I know. A part of me tries to conceal that because I may be bold but not to that level yet I am honest and I had to tell you that"

You gulped.

"I often question my reason and told myself that we have not been together enough and that this.... in me" he touched his chest "Is just transitory"

You blinked at that, it is exactly what you have told yourself "I..." you said "I thought so too"

"Have you? And what conclusion did you arrive at?"

It was your time to talk so you clenched your legs and crossed your ankles trying to be straight as you said it "That..." you smiled "that there have been enough talks and enough walks and enough... secret readings for this to arise in us"

"Us?" he said "I was merely talking about me... do you mean you have felt it too?"

"Since last year" you whispered, your eyes fixated on him. His eyes widened.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because it is improper, not that I have ever cared about that, but... as you said I was twenty"

"Right"

"I didn't want to believe it" you confessed "So I have been ignoring it"

"Did it work? Because my trials have failed if I could tell you what I have done, what I have thought"

For a second, or more than that, between your legs, you felt a tingling that made you gulp "What?"

"What?"

"What have you thought?" the question came too suddenly but by the look of it you could not retract it at all

"Things about you that should not be thought"

"What kind of things?" you insisted, the fire within you made you feel alive "Tell me"

Benedict touched his face and looked at you, you saw a hint of fear in his eyes as he opened his mouth

"Tell me" you insisted "If we have already confessed, what are the odds of doing it again?"

"A lot, Miss Ashbourne"

"I don't mind"

"Well" he laughed nervously "I..." he rapidly moved on the couch, he leaned to you, quite closely to your figure retracted on the corner of the couch "You must wash my mouth with soap after telling you this"

"I can take it, I assure you"

"I..." his lips opened, a soft and pinky pair of lips, you wondered if they would taste the same way his brandy did "I have seen you naked"

You frowned "Naked?

"In my mind, I have formed you. I have used what I know to construct that image. I..." he looked down at your white sleeping gown "I have seen your arms, the crease of your elbow and forearm. I have seen your neck and your shoulder blade and I remember when I saw your ankles once" he shrugged "Forgive me but as an artist, I must use any resources to form a muse"

"What else have you seen?" you asked in a whisper, you could smell the brandy out of your mouth too

"I have seen your chest, only the beautiful way the collarbone curves, and I have imagined the shape of your breasts... I have imagined the curves of your belly, your waist and hips and... your thighs and" he bit his lip as his eyes looked at your covered legs "and the rest"

Your mouth gaped and felt the air in the studio become thick and hot "Oh"

"Yes, forgive me"

"Don't" you whispered, the heat from your body becoming unbearable

"And..." he added, his face closer "I have used you in my mind with the purpose of-"

"Painting?" you asked

This time Benedict squinted his eyes and then stared at you "Not quite. It feels like a puzzle"

"How so?"

"I had it almost built with everything I know about you. I am sure I could write a book about your person and you won't know how I know those things yet I miss some pieces that I know I should be patient getting them" he slowly shook his head "And you?"

"Me?"

"Have you thought of me?"

"A little"

"More than a little?" he smiled

You were sure he was testing your level of knowledge. And indeed your level is high. You know the human male form if that is what he is asking. Have you thought of him in such state?

"I have wondered..." you murmured "What is about your lips that are always so... rosy?"

Benedict smiled "Do they look inviting?" he said leaning closer

For once you did not retract more into the couch, not that you could more. You took a breath and said "I don't know"

"Would you like to know?"

"Benedict"

"I am only asking"

"What else would you do if I said yes?"

"Taste yours in return"

Your lips parted and you were not able to speak. He was staring at you in a way that made your whole body tremble, the tingle in your belly becoming an actual throb between your legs.

"Miss Ashbourne"

"Mr. Bridgerton"

"Do I have to spell it out? I want to kiss you"

"Why?"

"Because I have been waiting a long time to do so"

"You said we are friends, friends don't kiss"

"Friends don't confess either but here we are" he moved a bit more, his lips only a few inches from yours "I need to know how is it that the world makes sense, how is it that I can have the inspiration that has left me in such a long time. Is it all the alcohol or is it you? You are the answer, right?"

"I don't know"

"Can I find out?"

"Please do"

The words made his heart flutter and the air became thick, his lips touched yours and it was like an electric shock. You felt the room spinning in darkness as you closed your eyes. You felt the softness of his lips against you and quite indeed the fruity lingering of brandy. It was the perfect mix of both. The kiss grew the opposite of chaste. The feeling was so overwhelming and you felt like Benedict was going to consume you and the most curious thing is that you were willing.

You felt his ample hand touching your back and pushing you against him and that made the kiss grow wild. You moved your head and let the passion guide the kiss. The world made sense like this and still, it made no sense at all.

"Y/N" he whispered between the kiss and moved to your cheek and kissed behind your ear

"What?"

"You have freckles here," he said and kissed your skin "Here" another kiss and another "and here. It is like admiring a masterpiece no one has ever left you get near before"

You grew impatient for how many words were coming from his mouth when he could have been kissing you more. You searched for his lips and found them in a latch that made him growl and move his tongue to play with yours. You were so lost in his kiss that the feeling in your stomach grew and grew and was about to explode.

Benedict's hands moved to the side of your hip and then the top of your thigh where he squeezed. A gentle moan escaped your lips, and he swallowed it.

"You are a dream," he said between kisses "A beautiful and vivid dream"

"And you are a madman"

"Perhaps," he said and pressed his lips to yours once more, the kiss was different, his lips moved to yours and it was as if he was trying to memorize every single spot. You felt your whole body reacting and it was becoming hard to breathe.

The feeling was so strong that it was unbearable. The tingling turned into a throb and it was making you lose control, your hands fought with your mind as if they needed to pull the skirt of your gown and touch yourself.

"You taste better than the finest whiskey," he said as his mouth moved to your neck. Your head fell back and gave him more access to your skin.

"Benedict" you whispered

"I love how you say my name. You always have so many things to say" he kissed deeply on your gentle skin "but now you only say my name"

How can this night end? So many scenarios ran through your mind but alas the wetness of his mouth made the rest disappear.

He pressed his body against you and his hand moved to your knee. A small moan escaped your lips and it made him look into your eyes.

"What is the matter?"

"N-nothing"

"It is something. Did I hurt you?"

"No"

"Then what?"

"I..."

"Y/N" he whispered

"I don't know how can this... be... grow more than a kiss"

He saw the innocence of your statement, of course, he could never compare you to the other women he has met. They knew with exactitude how this could "grow" and yet you, a different golden fruit in front of him were questioning whether a kiss is already what means intimacy.

"It can" he gulped seeing your shining eyes "It definitely can"

"How"

"I cannot show you now, my dear"

"Why?"

"Because I don't trust myself"

"But-"

"I want you, Y/N. Not only your mouth but all of you" he moved his hand and cupped your face "I cannot show you this tonight but if you will give me the chance, I promise I will do my best"

"To what?" your question carried a heavy responsibility in its meaning

"To..." he snorted "do something. I don't know" he laughed "Close that robe of yours and I shall accompany you to your house. You ought to sleep now"

"Impossible"

"Do your best" he kissed your forehead "Let's go"

The night was quiet, and as he held your hand and guided you through the back gardens of the other houses you kept yourself in silence. The soil under your slippers was not there you were sure. As if you were floating.

"Go on then," he said pointing at the backdoor "Be a good girl and sleep"

Suddenly the wetness you felt between your legs came back "Right... shall I see you tomorrow?"

He took your hand and placed a finger but he stole a very haste kiss from your lips. A grin on his face as you smiled inr return at the stolen kiss "You will"

"And the day after?"

"Of course"

"And the one after that"

"You are being too greedy but I'll say yes because it is you"

You nodded and turned the knob of the back door but a hand turned you gently away from it "Yes?"

Benedict stood there like a child. He was silent and then he softly smiled "Nothing, go on you, sneaky girl. Next time don't even bother bringing that poetry book. We won't need it"

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mustainegf · 1 day

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Can you do a fluff/smut of kill ‘em all era Kirk x Fem reader?

I was thinking like you guys are dating and you were hanging out one night just like talking under the stars, then you go back to the readers house cause her parents aren’t home. And then you know the rest!

I know you usually don’t write a lot for him so there’s no pressure!

-Harley

Hiii Harley!! I’ve been dying for more kirk reqs so I was so excited to write this!! Hope you like it :)

As Kirk and I lay in the soft grass of the field, the cool night air enveloped us, bringing with it an ease of tranquility. The stars above twinkled like scattered glitter against the vast blue of the sky.

I nestled closer to Kirk, his warmth a comforting presence beside me. His hand found mine, fingers intertwining in a gentle dance as we traced constellations only we could see.

"Isn't it amazing?" Kirk's voice broke the silence, soft and filled with wonder.

I turned to look at him, the moonlight casting a soft glow on his features. His eyes sparkled with a childlike fascination, mirroring the beauty of the night sky above.

"Yeah, it really is," I replied, my voice barely a whisper in the stillness of the night. "It's moments like these that make you realize how small we are in the grand scheme of things."he marveled.

I smiled. With Kirk by my side, I felt like I was me, and was free to be me.

As I stole a glance at Kirk, my heart skipped a beat. His tan skin seemed to absorb the moonlight. His long, dark curly hair cascaded around his shoulders, framing his face perfectly. And that smile, oh, that smile, it was like sunshine breaking through the clouds on a stormy day.

I couldn't help but admire the way his eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled, the way his lips curved into that cute, crooked grin that never failed to melt my heart. Kirk was always a bit insecure about his teeth, but I thought they were cute from the second I met him.

"Hey," he said, catching me staring, his voice soft and warm like a summer breeze. "What are you thinking about?" He asked softly.

I felt a blush creep up my cheeks, but I couldn't tear my gaze away from him. "Just how lucky I am to have you," I replied, my voice barely above a whisper.

Kirk's smile widened, and he reached out to tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "The feeling's mutual, you know," he said with a dorky chuckle.

As the feeling between us intensified, a magnetic pull drew us closer together. Our lips met, igniting a fire that had been smoldering beneath the surface. Kirk's arms enveloped me, pulling me into his embrace as our kisses deepened, each one more passionate than the last.

The world around us faded into the background, leaving only the sound of our ragged breaths and the rhythm of our beating hearts. I ran my fingers through his hair, feeling the soft curls coil around my touch, while Kirk's hands explored the contours of my body with a gentle urgency.

As Kirk pulled away, a sudden sense of longing hung in the air, but before I could dwell on it, he spoke, his voice husky with desire.

"Are your parents home?" he asked, his eyes searching mine with an intensity that shot heat to my face.

I bit my lip, knowing exactly what he meant. "No," I replied, my voice barely a whisper, my heart pounding in anticipation.

Without another word, Kirk sat up, his movements quick and purposeful, as he reached out to tug me along with him. In an instant, we were on our feet, hand in hand, racing back to my house.

The journey back passed in the blink of an eye, each step fueled by the lust that grew between us. And as we finally reached the familiar silhouette of my house against the moonlit sky, I could feel myself flutter at the thought of the filthy things we were yet to do.

With trembling hands, I fumbled for my key, my heart racing with anticipation as Kirk pressed himself closer against me, his touch setting my skin ablaze with longing. And as the door swung open, we stepped inside, leaving the world behind as we surrendered ourselves.

The instant the door was shut, Kirk had his lips on mine, fighting them vigorously.

His tongue darted out, tangling with mine as he plundered into my mouth, tasting every corner as if it were his favorite place.

My head spun with passion, but as I felt the heavy weight of his body pressing against me, I pulled back, his warm breath tickling my face as I did so.

"Not here," I whispered, shoving him toward the bedroom.

He didn't need any encouragement, practically dragging me toward the room as he went.

But as we entered, the room was suddenly engulfed in darkness, and the only light came from the full moon shining through the windows. I hopped onto the mattress, Kirk following behind me. He gave me a soft kiss before crawling over me.

"Do you trust me?" he asked as he kissed me again.

"Yes," I answered breathlessly, his kisses sending waves of pleasure coursing through my body.

He gently removed my shirt, his fingers brushing against my skin as he did so. I gasped as the sensation shot straight to my core, igniting a spark of desire.

His eyes darkened as he stared down at me, making me shiver with anticipation. "Trust me," he said once more, taking off his clothes until all that remained was his boxer briefs.

As he stood there, looking at me with those dark brown eyes, I couldn't help but reach out for him. I wanted him so badly, I could barely stand it.

I took off my bra and panties, letting him feast his eyes on me, the hunger in his gaze sending chills down my spine. "You are perfect," he said, his voice thick with emotion.

"Here, get under the blankets"" Kirk said softly, sitting up.

When I got up on the bed, he climbed after me, covering us both with a blanket, allowing us privacy without anyone seeing us. Despite already being alone, the blanket draped half over us felt intimate, and I liked it.

"Kirk..." I whined softly, feeling his hardness through his thin boxers. I needed him inside of me so bad.

Kirk ran a finger through my folds, my slick wetness sticking to him. I flinched at the slow motion, just focusing on his fingers playing with my most private place.

He chuckled. "You like that? Do you want more?" I nodded quickly, willing to say anything, do anything to make this moment last forever.

He slid his finger in, going deeper than I expected, and I moaned in ecstasy, my eyes rolling to the ceiling. He added another finger and then another, making me feel full and stretched, and I loved it.

He added a third finger and fucked me slowly while playing with my clit. He began to tug his boxers down with his free hand as he did this.

I stared at his dick, rock hard, and just begging to be touched.

"Touch it." He ordered, still fucking me with his three fingers. I grabbed hold of his shaft and stroked him, loving how he felt in my hand, so hot and hard.

I rubbed my thumb over the head, and pre-cum started leaking out. I smiled as I watched it flow out, and licked it off of fingers, the salty flavor exploding in my mouth.

"You taste good." I murmured. He stopped fingering me and took me by the hips, looking into my eyes with a smile. "Fuck me, Kirk, please 1 need you..."

Kirk grinned, guiding his cock to rub my swollen pussy.

The head started to push in and I cried out, unable to contain my excitement. "Mmmm, you're tight," he groaned, his eyes glazing over with passion.

He pushed in slowly, filling me inch by inch. I gasped in pleasure, my walls contracting around his girth with a slight sting. "Shhhh, I won't hurt you. Relax." He crooned, taking my lips in a heated kiss.

I moaned into his lips, rocking my hips as Kirk began to slowly thrust. I would never completely get used to the feeling of him inside of me.

He filled me in ways no other man ever could, and with each slow stroke, I was reminded why I loved him so much.

As he continued to fuck me slowly, I focused on the sensations I felt from his shaft rubbing my clit with each slow inward thrust.

He nibbled my neck and I arched my back to give him better access. With each movement, he moved faster, his cock filling me with such pleasure, I knew I wasn't going to be able to hold back for long.

"Oh god, yes," I moaned, loving how good he made me feel. "You're mine, aren't you, baby?" He growled, pumping in and out of me with a fierceness that caused me to scream out in pleasure. "Yessss!"

I screamed. "Yes, yours," I whispered, not wanting to stop the rhythm of our movements. "That's right, call out my name, baby, let me hear you." He commanded, his tone deepening with authority.

"Kirk, harder!" I begged, my body craving more of him. He complied, picking up the pace until he was slamming into me, filling me with so much pleasure, I felt like I was about to burst.

I screamed as I came, my body trembling as I gripped his back for dear life. I gasped when he held me close, his breathing ragged. He looked down at me, his eyes filled with love and tenderness.

Gripped his warm body as he grunted out a stifled moan. "That's it, just squeeze my dick..."

I squeezed his cock even tighter, my fingernails digging into his back. "Oh, fuck yes," he hissed, his orgasm building fast. I heard him come undone as he buried his face in my neck and roared. "Baby, I'm coming."

I squealed as he pulled out, pumping his length until he was spurting ropes of cum onto my stomach.

Kirk whimpered, his neck twitching as he milked himself.

I peppered kisses to his cheeks, "I love you so much, Hammett.." I sighed with a tender smile.

Kirk heaved, smiling down at me. "I love you too..." he giggled softly.

Kirk collapsed at my side, my arms pulling him closer.

"As much as I want to just fall asleep here, you're kinda covered in my, uh, cum." Kirk's cheeks burned red as he flashed those crooked teeth.

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jnnul · 2 days

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first love chronicles

first love comes in all shapes and forms. and every single one of them is every as beautiful as the rest. i have poured my soul into each one of these so i hope that you find love in these, for each of these stories have been filled with it.

something about these mirrors

you and shotaro have always been friendly with each other. as in, you have to be friends with each other because you've been each others' dance partner for the past twelve years. it's as though no matter how old you grow, how many different styles you try, or even how far apart you move, the two of you always manage to find each other on the dance floor. it's a blessing and a curse but when a dance competition for charity brings the two of you together after years apart, something about the way your body moves with his makes shotaro rethink all your years of dancing together.

find love here: still searching for love

mr. brawn and ms. brain

you hate athletes. eunseok is an athlete. eunseok is in love with you. it doesn't take a genius to see that there's an issue with this equation. after a one-sided love for the past three years, eunseok is saved when the two of you are partnered to work on an english project together. which means that eunseok's first step of getting you to fall in love with him is done. next step: get you to give him the time of day...

find love here: coming soon!

why ares fell in love with aphrodite

sometimes first love doesn't come in the form of sandbox friendships or in shared popsicles under sweltering sun. sometimes, first love is the smell of diesel from revving engines. or the feeling of cool beer cans under your fingertips. or the look in someone's eyes when you know that you shouldn't be caught dead with them. sometimes, when first love is learning that ares fell in love with aphrodite because love can be just dangerous as war.

find love here: still searching for love

listening to the ocean with the seashell you brought from home

there's something about permanent fixtures in life. parents, best friends...siblings. and sometimes most importantly, siblings' best friends. park wonbin has always shone a little too bright. the kind of bright that gives you butterflies, even though you know that he's never meant it in that way. you've loved wonbin from the day your brother had brought him home. so why is it that thirteen years later, you still love him?

find love here: might have found love...

and i feel it now

seunghan sees his kid sister as just that: a kid. he's always been the overprotective type, chasing his sister around with sweatpants to go over the micros she preferred. and by proxy, as her best friend, you've kinda always been someone that seunghan has felt protective and somewhat overbearing towards. but when he sees you for the first time in years at college graduation, seunghan is forced to face the reality that all the boundaries he'd created in his head were just in his head and that maybe he'd never quite seen you as the kid he'd always thought you'd be.

find love here: still searching for love

slip away

sohee knows two things: he wants to be a singer and he wants to grow old with you. he doesn't quite care about in which form that he grows old with you but sohee can't even imagine a world where you don't exist. you're just as necessary to him as food or water. but as the two of you grow older and start to grow apart, sohee understands that distance only makes the heart grow fonder and that he's been in love with a long damn time with you.

find love here: still searching for love

i like me better

there are a few givens in life: birth, death, and the fact that neither you or anton will ever confess your feelings to each other. even though the two of you have been in the same friend group for years, and everyone around you know not to make a move on either of you because you were spoken for, those three words would never come out. but then the summer that changes everything comes and you find yourself realizing that matters of the heart never stay hidden for too long.

find love here: still searching for love

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bloodycraquelures · 2 days

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It's the "I miss them" hour. It's been almost ten years...

Whoever wrote "National Anthem" The aristocrats AU in the Hannibal fandom back in 2014.

I still check your account to see if you'd republish your works. We never know. I still have hope.

Well, if you see this post, know that I'm still here in 2024 and appreciate your works and that there's not a day where I don't think about Hannibal Lecter being POTUS.

I miss your President's Assistant: Will Graham, your Uncle Abel, and most of all the First Lady , your Abigail Hobbs...your works meant the world to me. I still cherish them. I still read them. I'm sad but at the same time feel lucky to have been there when it was published. And I'm sure I'm not the only one missing you.

I don't know what happened to you for deciding to delete them, I'm sure you had good reasons. Which is why I don't plan to share them even if I'm asked.

They were masterpieces and I haven't read anything coming close to them during all these years.

I love you you beautiful stranger! You have a part of my heart forever.

#National Anthem #Natural Born Citizen #An Appeal To Heaven #nbc hannibal #hannibal #hannibal lecter #will graham #abigail hobbs #hannigram #Hannibal fandom #I do truly love you #fanfictions #hannibal fanfiction #the aristocrat au #this is me sending a bottle in the ocean

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revserrayyu · 2 days

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2.2 Penacony thoughts [part 5]

**Major story spoilers** as we’re finished the main story here. Going to be chatting even more about Acheron and our time in the Horizon of Existence, the real final boss, as well as all cutscenes that follow, so if you haven’t finished the whole story yet, I encourage you to come back and read this all later if you wish to do so after you experience everything for yourself first.

I gotta start off by saying that I absolutely love how this scene looks. Yeah it’s upsetting to learn that Acheron’s companion here is actually dead, but all the rain falling upon that red glow is just really nice to look at. Of course Acheron is slaying as usual too. I even dig the shadowy look of this man despite his circumstances.

Is Acheron kinda of like a grim reaper of sorts? At least that’s the feeling I’m getting when she says she’s guiding lost souls. And correct me if I’m wrong, but he is the one who wanted flowers on his grave, right? He just doesn’t remember I assume? It also seems that “Acheron” is just a river and I vaguely remember Acheron mentioning one during her conversation with the “Dreammaster” inside the park.

So I guess this is what all that red text meant? It wasn’t something we should have feared but a way to guide us forward, onto the right path? That’s how I’m interpreting it. Anyways, name drop reveals that this man was actually one of the Nameless buried at Dream Flux Reef.

Soon enough we arrived at the Horizon of Existence with Acheron and I’m like 99% sure this set of questions she asks us are close to the same exact ones she spoke of when we met her inside that first dream. I wish I remembered my choices to her questions from back then, because with the game only giving us one option to choose for each question, I wonder if it’s giving us the same option we picked when we first answered her because that would be amazing.

SHE. SAID. THE. THING!!! Acheron real name confirmed!!! Even though it’s pretty much what we all expected from the very beginning, it’s great for it to finally be true and not be a total secret.

A big ol’ cutscene begins and it reminds me of how little we actually received about Boothill, like yeah he shoots that fancy relic bullet up into the sky because he’s the only Galaxy Ranger around who can do so, but he didn’t do much else? I mean I absolutely enjoyed seeing him interact with Dan Heng and everyone else but to not even get the chance to fight a battle with him seems weird after 2.1 gave us the chance to really use both Acheron and Aventurine and test our their gameplay whenever we switched to their perspectives. Same thing happened with Robin too. We walked around as her and Boothill for brief moments but that was pretty much it, making the switch seem kinda pointless to me.

I got no words for this. It’s just an incredibly beautiful screenshot of her. I’ll never get tired of seeing all that red whenever this monochrome world takes over. Makes me regret skipping her every day but next time I’ll pull her for sure.

Yet another line she told us during our first encounter with her. Also, if this is the last time we see her in the story, I’m gonna be sad.

The crew!!!! I’ll admit it does look a little silly that we’re only armed with a hat while everyone else has a reasonable weapon, but I love each one of us so much!! It felt perfect for me to have Himeko in my team during the upcoming fight too.

While I figured we were gonna be blessed with Robin’s appearance and one of her songs during the fight, can I just say that I was not expecting the assist mechanic to be the mother-forking Express?? I had joked somewhere sometime ago that if Pom-Pom were to ever become playable, that their ultimate would be running the enemy over with the train and color me surprised, because that’s pretty much what happens!!

So the final battle itself went pretty well. Took a bit more damage than before but still an easier fight overall than how Aventurine’s went for me. I knew I didn’t have to bring in our dear gambler in since the fight itself granted us shields, but his helped me just fine along with all those follow up attacks.

I think my Trailblazer managed to do pretty well too? I stressed so hard to break that 145 on speed to access that secondary buff of the Talia planar ornaments, so that’s why other stats may be a bit lacking. At least I have break effect at 197%.. is that reasonable?

Anyways, as much as I adore Serval, I had to use the train to deliver the final hit.

Pfft, ain’t no way. Sunday is really over.

Look at us protecting March, aww!

Trailblazer pulls off some last minute talk-no-jutsu to get through to Sunday’s head and with a heartfelt embrace from Robin, I think it’s time to start crying.

C’mon, look at how gorgeous this is!! Such a beautiful sunrise to witness after all the chaos is over.

Surprisingly, the credits roll again only this time it actually feels like a proper ending to the story. It even lists Acheron’s true name, yet March still remains a mystery. When will we ever learn? Who knows.

Final cutscene of the patch begins and what do you mean Argenti saved Aventurine??? When and how and why didn’t we get to witness such a moment with two of Star Rail’s most beautiful men!

Aventurine betting his own life once again.. oh dear, you never learn. Then again, it seems you never lose either so, go ahead sweetie. Go get that promotion you so rightfully deserve!

This scene also bums me out a little because I was really hoping we would actually get to see Jade arrive in game this time around, but it seems we’ll have to wait even longer. Cutting it a bit close to her release with it being in the same patch but at least she’s phase two. I’m pulling for her day one though. I don’t care what happens in the story, it won’t change my mind about her! (to be fair, I’ve seen some leaks about her gameplay and, oh my god..)

Boothill unexpectedly enters the room after knocking out the two IPC guards outside the door and we’re left with yet another cliffhanger. Definitely not as strong as a final scene as the previous two versions but no way a random name drop could match a sudden surprise death either.

And finally, that’s all for now. Penacony remains to be a story full of mysterious twists and there’s plenty more to see.. hopefully. We still have no clear idea what happened to Firefly, then there’s all those bombs Sparkle was handing out to everyone, we still have to officially meet Jade and see what she and Topaz have planned. Sunday and Robin were last seen falling from the sky so they gotta land safely and I haven’t a clue if we’ll even see Acheron again. Here’s hoping 2.3 ties up all loose ends and gives Penacony the finale it deserves!

#honkai star rail #acheron #boothill #stelle #robin #sunday #aventurine #gameplay #revsposts

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