#though bad sleep schedules being a paladin and being a mom

[chibi-pix]

Being a parent is no easy feat. Being a fifteen year old mom with little bundle of Galran joy? It's probably a bit like playing a game on hard mode without even knowing how to play. But hey, she's doing her best. Not sure if that coffee will wake her up, but it's a start.

Anyway, I hope y'all enjoy this one! Until next time!

[angels17324]

The Violet Paladin (Keith x Reader) Ch. 15

Hows quarantine treating everyone? I know I don’t have to explain myself on not posting but guys I want you to know I am a health care worker I’ve been at work for almost 10 hours a day everyday for the last two weeks on both days and nights. So I love you all I know I am trying to keep writing but its hard. Guys if you don’t need to go out please don’t stay home find some new fics to binge read or shows to obsess over I don’t want to lose anyone to this virus.  Word Count:   Update Schedule: Unknown (Im gonna try and set myself a goal of updating on  Wednesdays call me out if I forget guys!!) [Masterlist] [Prev] 

When I got back on the castle I learned that Shiro would be in one of the healing pods for a while. I still hadn’t told them anything about what happened, but I’d rather tell them at the same time then one by one. We were all in the healing bay watching Shiro.

“Is he okay?” Hunk asked when we heard Shiro groaning. 

“Sometimes the healing process causes involuntary brain waves,” Allura explained. 

“It looks like he’s having a bad dream,” Hunk mumbled. 

“He just got blasted by a space witch and mauled by giant lizards, what dream could be worse than that?” Keith asked. We all waited for a short while longer before he started to wake up. We had all gathered closer and smiled at him when he opened his eyes. He told us about having a dream of a Galra soldier helping him and some coordinates in his arm. 

We waited for Shiro to get dressed before walking down to the green lions hanger. Lance was filling Shiro in on what had happened with him and Hunk and Mermaids? I wasn’t really sure, I was just thankful the attention wasn’t on me, I don’t even know how I’m going to tell them. 

“(Y/n)?” I heard Hunk called out. 

“Huh?” I looked to see everyone was staring at me. 

“You were kind of zoned out there,” Lance looked me. 

“Oh…” I breathed. 

“You know you’ve been acting really weird since you got back, you’re the only person who never shared what happened while we were all separated,” Pidge crossed her arms. 

I sighed, I was going to have to tell them sooner or later and I might as well just get it over with, “I don’t really even know where to start,” I stated. “A lot happened honestly,” I guess I should just ease the information in. “Well, I guess I can start with I crashed onto this planet where I was met by a girl who ended up being the planets princess,” I said I wasn’t trying to be vague but I’m still not sure how they will take it. “She ended up taking me to the queen, where I found out I was on the home of the original Violet Paladin, and at first the queen wasn’t very happy learning that I was the new paladin,”

I explained a bit of what I learned like how they had closed of all communication with the rest of the universe, and how the only reason I think they hadn’t been attacked is because in the Archives I learned that they never shared the location of their planet with anyone. Coran shared that not even Alfor or any of the other original paladins had been to the planet and that I was the first ‘outsider’ I bite my tongue to hold back from correcting him at least yet. “Okay but none of that explains why you’ve been acting weird,” Pidge said ever observant she is. 

“It might just be easier to show you then tell you.” I pulled out my phone I had snapped a photo of the picture that the Queen showed me and I showed it to the group. 

“It looks like you, but it’s not,” Pidge state. 

“Is this some creepy twin in space thing?” Lance asked. 

“No, how do I put this… it’s true it’s not me, but it’s also not a twin thing… I mean, except the actual picture in this is over 28 years old.” I explained, I could almost see the wheels turning in their heads. “It’s my mom!” I exclaimed not really being able to take it anymore. 

“How!” Pidge was the first to speak up since she was the only person here to ever meet my mom. 

“Wait what?” Lance was the next one to speak up. I explained to them as much as I knew which still wasn’t much other then the fact that she was the queen’s little sister. It felt so much better to have this off my chest. We continued to the hanger to find out what if anything was in Shiro’s arm. The whole way down Lance kept questioning me about everything, I was kind of annoyed but I just ignored him. 

While we were waiting for Pidge to find the coordinates I just kept thinking about everything that's happened. I wonder if my mother would have ever told me about this? And if that was why she was mad that I had joined the garrison.

 Eventually Pidge found the coordinates, but Allura didn’t seem too happy about trusting something from the Galra but we went ahead and used a  wormhole to get to the base. In front of us were these large crystals they were kinda cool. 

“Well this is it. No signs of life, living or otherwise.” Coran said. “I don’t want to bring the castle any closer those xanthorium chucks contain highly unstable nitrate salts even bumping one can blow us straight to Wozblay,” Okay slightly less cool. 

“Are you sure this is right?” Shiro asked. 

“These are the coordinates Number Six gave me.” Coran said.

“Hey! My decryption is solid,” Pidge defended glaring at Coran. 

“We’ve gotta be missing something,” Shiro said. We ended up waiting a few minutes before alarms began blaring. 

“There’s an intruder in the Castle!” Coran shouted. Allura found him on level five. We all suited up and went down. We each began running through the halls to find this guy. Lance was the first to find him. I began to head back towards Lance listening to Corans commentary. Next they ran by Pidge. I soon found him dragging Pidge and being followed by Lance, and I joined following them. 

Then Hunk who somewhat blasted at us. We all chased him but kinda lost him as he ran towards Keith. That was the only good part of Coran’s commentary is we knew where this guy was. By the time Hunk, Lance and I caught up with Keith was quite literally hurled at us knocking the four of us down. 

We watched as Shiro and the guy were at each other’s throats before they both backed down. And that’s when Allura slammed him into the wall. When Shiro explained that the guy was the Galra soldier he’d remembered. 

We eventually had him chained up in our common room. Ulaz was apparently a Galra soldier in this secret underground revolution called the Blade of Marmora. The coordinates we had were actually corrected its just the base was hidden in a space fold. Honestly you could feel the tension between everyone from Allura’s mistrust of Ulaz, to the rest of us kinda being on the same side as her, except Shiro. 

Everyone except Lance, Allura, and Coran took the Red Lion to the base. We learned that they had several members in the ranks of Zarkon’s army including his main ship which is why we got away last time. Pidge asked about her family, which Ulaz agreed to transfer prison data to the castle of lions. 

“What’s that weapon you carry?” Keith asked. 

“It’s a ceremonial blade that each of our members carry,” Ulaz explained. “Oh, nice,” Keith said. Alarms began blaring again. We opened a screen to see another one of those stupid robeasts, but how did it find us this time? Before we left, Ulaz gave Shiro coordinates. Allura blamed Ulaz for us being found, but this time I think I agree with Shiro I don’t think Ulaz told Zarkon we were here. 

We waited in our lions but soon the fight was on. But this thing was nearly impossible to beat, it sucked in the crystals before blasting us, or it tried to suck us in. Ulaz left after the base was revealed… maybe he’s not one of the good guys. No time for that though as the beast tried to suck in the castle. We managed to stop that, but our plan to blow it up after didn’t work. It tried to suck us in again. 

“I’m going to take this down from the inside!” We heard Ulaz call. 

“No let us handle this!” Shiro tried. 

“Voltron is too important,” was the last thing he said to us before he flew into the beasts mouth, just as we thought it didn’t work it started to fold in on itself. He opened a space pocket inside the beast.

When we returned to the castle no one seemed in too high of spirits. I decided to walk around for a bit too maybe clear my head. So much has happened in the last couple of days its been a lot to process. Honestly, how long had it been since we’d left earth? It didn’t seem like that long but there was no day in night in space, we had a schedule but it was more like we slept for a few hours and we stayed up until we were ready to pass out. 

I finally decided maybe going to bed would be the best option right now to clear my mind. I slowly walked down the hall being quiet because I’m sure everyone else is probably trying to sleep now. I was almost to my room when I noticed Keith in front of my door. 

“You need something?” I asked. 

“Oh yeah, I just wanted to talk,” He said.

“About?” I wondered what he wanted to talk about. 

“A few things actually,” He said. “Would you mind if we went in my room for a minute?” I blushed a bit at the request but nodded I did tell him we could talk if he ever needed to. We went to his room. We both sat on his bed. 

“Alright what’s up? I’m not the only one who’s been acting kind of weird lately you’ve gotten more reckless,” I said noting his behavior from the last few days? Weeks? But it was more than that almost like he was also being protective. “Remember that sword Ulaz had?” He asked.

“Yeah, you seemed pretty interested in it,” 

“Well it’s because of this,” Keith pulled out a dagger from under his pillow, it had a weird marking, kinda like Ulaz. 

“Where or how’d you get it if you don’t mind my asking?” I looked at him. “I’ve kind of always had it, I thought it was weird but now it's even weirder because the marking is similar to Ulaz,” Keith explained. “That means the Galra were on earth at some point,” 

“But Ulaz also did say that only the Blades of Marmora had them,” I said. “And I’d reason that if my mom and possibly my dad made it to earth without being detected by the garrison then who’s to say someone else couldn’t? And for all we know, maybe it was imbedded in a meteorite or something and your parents found it and thought it was cool,” 

“You might be right,” He smiled a bit. 

“What else do you want to talk about?” I asked. I could tell there was something else, we didn’t know about the Blades until today so he hasn’t been acting weird because of that. 

“Oh, well, how do I put this…” He said looking down. 

“Keith-” I was cut off, I was so shocked Keith was kissing me! 

[Next]

Tag list~ (if you’re not tagged please check your settings!) 

@somebodytouchedmysaeran @ittie-bittie-tittie @izabellah816 @zanysouleggstudent @rickxreader1shots @chewymoustachio

[lesmiserabby]

Tagged by @queen-paladin, thanks for the tag!

1. what is the color of your hairbrush? Red

2. name a food you never eat: Oh there are so many.... But the no bacon and no poutine seem to be horrifying to my fellow Canadians

3. are you typically too warm or too cold? Too warm is the one I actually notice so I’m gonna go with that

4. what were you doing 45 minutes ago? Practicing piano

5. what’s your favorite candy bar? I’m assuming this translates to chocolate bar in Canadian and I’m not super big on chocolate... I enjoy the occasional Snickers though.

6. have you ever been to a professional sports game? Canada vs someone in Fifa over ten years ago, it rained a lot which was unfortunate because soccer is very much outside. It was fun enough, but I’ve never been super into sports, my dad and sibling loved it though.

7. what is the last thing you said out loud? Not counting humming along to my piano, I said goodnight to my mom.

8. what is your favorite ice cream? cookie dough or butterscotch swirl.

9. what was the last thing you had to drink? Sodastream orange soda

10. do you like your wallet? Very much, it’s BB-8!

11. what is the last thing you ate? spaghettini smothered in parmesan cheese

12. did you buy any new clothes last weekend? nope

13. what’s the last sporting event you watched? I dunno, probably some bits and pieces of hockey or soccer on tv?

14. what is your favorite flavor of popcorn? Very specifically love the cheddar from this local place, absolutely fantastic, 10/10. Also love Smartfood white cheddar and also just regular popcorn with melted butter.

15. who is the last person you sent a text message to? my boyfriend

16. ever been camping? yes, so many times growing up, used to go at least once every summer. I miss it. 

17. do you take vitamins? I try to, I have forgotten for the past month or so, they are definitely needed courtesy of my inability to eat a lot of things.

18. do you regularly attend a place of worship? Sort of, I try to, I’m a preacher’s kid, but I also get bad insomnia - like went to work on less than an hour of sleep the other day bad - and accidentally sleep instead. It was very pathetic that I couldn’t even get myself out of bed and into the kitchen when we were doing our services as livestreams from home.

19. do you have a tan? No, I kind of did this summer but it’s gone again. Generally I try to cover myself in sunscreen and avoid tanning because I have the complexion of an anemic vampire and I don’t tan, I just burn and then it fades, and I HATE it. 

20. do you prefer chinese or pizza? Pizza, 

21. do you drink your soda through a straw? Depends on how coordinated I’m feeling, but probably should use my straws more often, regardless of what I’m drinking. I frequently spill water on myself when I try to drink.

22. what color socks do you usually wear? black

23. do you ever drive above the speed limit? Occasionally a couple kilometers over by accident, mostly I just walk places since I don’t have my own car. (do have my full G, cars are just too expensive)

24. what terrifies you? So so so many things. Spiders, being abandoned, losing loved ones, bitchy customers at work who don’t know how to read a menu

25. look to your left, what do you see? my wall

26. what chore do you hate most? Currently hating packing and I haven’t even started really beyond taking empty boxes from work oops

27. what do you think of when you hear an australian accent? Ok so 99.9% of the time wen I hear an Australian accent it is Siri on my boyfriend’s phone acting as a GPS and he likes to pretend to fight with Siri and be like “don’t tell me what to do” so I don’t really think anything so much as internally have a deep sigh and kind of laugh to myself. I love him.

28. what’s your favorite soda? Don’t really have one any more, used to be all over Pepsi but I’m trying to have less caffeine because insomnia and hoping cutting out caffeine helps (it hasn’t yet but oh well) so....

29. do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? I usually only ever really get fast food when I’m at work and it literally is my workplace so... I’m just already there, inside, behind the counter.

30. what’s your favorite number? A nat 20 on a D20 when playing Dungeons and Dragons.

31. who’s the last person you talked to? Not counting texts to my boyfriend, my mom

32. favorite meat? Chicken and fish, for fish specifically walleye/pickerel (ideally from NWO) and salmon

33. last song you listened to? So Soon by Marianas Trench because that piano part with Josh Ramsay’s vocals is just beautiful

34. last book you read? Currently working through Axiom’s End by Lindsay Ellis and Spine of the Dragon by Kevin J Anderson for physical books and listening to Clash of Kings for audiobook.

35. favorite day of the week? Monday because that is my therapy and piano lesson day, the one day a week I always consistently know what I’m doing, other days are uncertain because work schedule is different every week.

36. can you say the alphabet backwards? I can barely say it normally.

37. how do you like your coffee? Nonexistant, the smell makes me nauseous.

38. favorite pair of shoes? My new work shoes, specifically because they’re new and therefore not falling apart.

39. time you normally get up? Depends on what my work schedule is.

40. what do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunset

41. how many blankets on your bed? 5? I think? If I counted right.

42. describe your kitchen plates: white

43. describe your kitchen at the moment: An island, cupboards, a stove, a dishwasher, a fridge, usually the dog is there begging for treats because she knows exactly where they are. I dunno, it’s a kitchen

44. do you have a favorite alcoholic drink? Mike’s Hard Lemonade is always good, I also like mixing Sourpuss with Sprite or ginger ale, I like both the raspberry and green apple. 

45. do you play cards? No.

46. what color is your car? My parents have a white car, I am helping my boyfriend pay for his truck, he calls it our truck but it’s really his, the truck is silver

47. can you change a tire? I helped my dad change one once way back in high school, haven’t done it since, definitely don’t remember.

48. your favorite state or province? Gonna sound so Ontario-centric if I say Ontario but yeah.... But not south Ontario, specifically northwest Ontario, which really should be its own province. Manitoba’s nice too. Like I live here now but not big on South Ontario. Niagara is kinda pretty but please just send me back up north.

49. favorite job you’ve had? Honestly my current job. Like there are times that it sucks but I’ve been here over a year and the competition is housekeeping (dead body, deer skull, people getting drunk and puking all over the bathrooms) and that time I got screamed at by an alcoholic woman when I was 17 for “blowing off shifts” that I wasn’t even scheduled for when I had a throat infection and then asking for time off when my grandpa died (literally screamed at me day of) so like... yeah, McDonald’s is actually heavenly in comparison.

Tagging @autie-j and @bb8-boppity-boo

[theprodigypenguin]

That’s the Tea

Pairings: Jeith/Jaith (James Griffin and Keith Kogane)

Day three of @jamesandkeith week: Earth/Sky/Space

Notes: When Jeith week gives you an Earth prompt, you write about a fluffy day out date on Earth! This was fun to write and I like how it came out a LOT better than the last one I wrote. Not to mention I feel as if the title is very much warranted~ Enjoy!

Day One / Day Two / Day Three / Day Four / Day Five / Day Six / Day Seven / Day Eight

Ratings/Warnings: fluff, soft jeith, date, first love, cute~

Read it on Ao3 as well!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

His hair had been tediously pushed back with water acting as gel, but it didn't look right. James reached over to the hand towel and dried off the drops, brushing it straight. Nope, that didn't look right either. Pushed behind his ears, absolutely not. He took a few menial minutes to braid the side, and muffled a scream into the folded up hand towel before tearing it out of the knot and ruffling both hands through it.

This was happening, it was scheduled and planned and it was actually happening. James went through his check list obsessively in the days leading up to his first task, shoving the paper into Kinkade's hands and asking him to review it thoroughly like he was a professor grading a thesis.

Ryan had taken one look at the paper before his face sagged in disbelief, handing it back with a tiny shake of his head, "This is why no one sat with you in chemistry class."

Firstly, that was rude, James liked being organized, that was nothing to be bagged on about! Second, now he had no one to turn to for confirmation that his list was an accurate representation of how a first date was supposed to play out.

So he had to just run with it and hope for the best.

He found a cart florist on one of his peace missions through the newly rebuilt Plaht City and purchased a bouquet of white Gardenias, because according to Ina, they signified a secret love, and James didn't want to be too overbearing in his courting. He then picked up a small box of chocolates, because everyone liked chocolates, and set about finding the object of his affections.

Even after he found him though, James got cold feet all of three times. It wasn't his fault, he just couldn't seem to find the right moment. The honored Black Paladin was just... never alone long enough to propose an outing, and God knew if James were to ask Keith out when his team was around, they'd somehow weasel their way into it, and they'd never be able to enjoy one on one time.

James knew this because his team was the same God damn way.

The first time he found Keith, he was standing in the hall with Shiro and the Galra named Krolia (James heard rushing water in his ears when he remembered Keith introducing her as his mother), who was holding out a tablet. They seemed to be discussing something important, considering three leaders of three important factions had come together to converse.

James, being leader if the MFE's (though they always teased him "yea you're not the leader" in good fun, they were still his squadron), figured he had a right to pop himself into the conversation, that he would be welcomed as another leader, but the idea of trying to court Keith with A) Commander Shirogane watching and worse B) his fucking alien mother probably judging him, made him feel woozy.

So he backed away and decided to wait for another opportunity.

His second chance was when he found Keith eating alone in the mess hall. He was pleased to see he was actually eating, as he hadn't seen him eat much at all since he woke up from his coma, and also smug that the hall was entirely empty aside from the paladin. It was the perfect chance, but when James tried to walk forward, Lance showed up from the door across the room, and James jerked behind the wall with a soft curse.

Of course HE just had to show up, face brightening as he sauntered over to Keith and sat himself down across from him. As if he had a right to get that close to Keith. Okay, maybe James was thinking irrationally from jealousy, and misplaced jealousy at that, but he couldn't help being annoyed that this idiot had foiled his plans.

He shuffled away dejected, not noticing when Keith cast a glance over his shoulder back towards the door, a frown on his lips.

"Are you listening, man?"

"... yea..."

Third times a charm, but it was a bad luck charm, so James should've known. He shuffled his feet down the hall, looked up to see Keith standing with Matt Holt, and just huffed through his nose before continuing on his way, looking for a trashcan to dump his stupid to-do list in.

He passed them, but they didn't stop talking or show they'd heard him approach at all, which was the perfect unspoken insult to add salt into his wounds, but he had turned the corner by the time he actually heard their voices.

"Just remember you're not alone, Keith, and there are people who would miss you, people who would mourn you, if you were to do something like you did on Naxzela."

"It took you a while to bring it up again, I actually figured you'd forgotten."

"I'm not gonna forget when a team member tries to sacrifice himself."

"I get it, you don't have to worry so much about me. That was a long time ago, I'm different now."

"Yea, well, color me suspicious, but I'm still gonna worry. Just look... things are different now. It's not just Shiro who's there for you anymore. You have me, my parents and Pidge, the other Paladins, your mom and the rest of the blades. That's more than you've ever had before, and all of them care about you."

"More than I ever thought I'd get, that's for sure..."

James felt dizzy as he continued down the hall, wondering what the hell Naxzela was, what Matt meant by that "sacrifice" thing, which didn't sound too great. The tone of their voices had him reaching into his pocket and clinging to the list he'd folded up and stowed away, locking his jaw.

Having friends, having family, was more than Keith ever thought he would get. It was basic necessity to at least have friends, and Keith never allowed himself to even wash in the fantasy of having such things.

James wasn't giving up. Keith deserved more, so much more, and James was going to provide all of it.

It was past midnight, the Gardenias were starting to wilt and James was pretty sure the box of chocolates had melted. He should've been in bed, but he was searching the halls for one last chance. One he found in the abandoned training area.

Keith was sitting on a bench in sweats and a sleeveless shirt, hunched over with his hair tied back and watching as he wrapped bandages around his own knuckles. It was late to be training or working out, but James had no right to scold him when he did the same things.

Especially if he couldn't sleep.

"Hey," he called out to Keith, who paused in his wrapping but didn't raise his head, "You're up... early."

Keith hummed and continued his work, having assessed who was in the room, not like he thought it would be anyone else.

"Couldn't sleep."

"Yea, no problem. I mean yea, problem, but I mean, I do this too when I can't sleep."

"That why you're here?" Keith asked, taking one end of the towel around his neck and patting away the sweat on his face.

James cleared his throat to choke down the knot that had formed there and looked down at the sorry excuse for a bouquet. Now that he was there, alone with Keith, suddenly he could feel his palms start to sweat.

What was he even doing? What were the odds of this going in his favor? Keith, he'd always been an enigma, someone James was incapable of predicting. He was like the sun, if you looked at him too long you'd get blinded, either from his sheer talent and capability, or from the spit fire decking you in the face. The latter was most likely to happen, and had happened before. James had seen it happen to other people, and it had happened to him.

He could almost feel the phantom ache in his jaw still.

This affection, James realized, had been building in his chest for years now. Ever since high school when Keith dominated at the Garrison's flight simulation, to test the abilities of possible recruits. Keith had always been nothing much, a shadow at the back of the room, someone who talked so little that people started rumors he was brain dead.

Then he burst from that emo shell and showed something he was talented at, showed their whole class that he could succeed at something. James would be lying if he said he hadn't been impressed, that someone who'd never shown promise before had suddenly revealed himself to be a prodigy.

Unfortunately, stealing a car right after showed that he still had a long, long way to go. Even if James thought stealing a car was pretty cool, it was still against the rules; and kind of illegal, which was really bad.

Yet even with that bit of red marker on Keith's ledger, James still found himself falling hard. Or, maybe that wasn't the right way to describe it, because he didn't even realize his affections until later in the Garrison.

He didn't realize it until Keith was gone, which was ironic and cruel in every way possible. That he came to the conclusion he was in love only after he'd lost his chance.

Or so he thought, but here Keith was again, safe after the strain of war, returned fresh from the crushing nothingness of space and an intergalactic war he had no responsibility to fight in; and he was like a daydream coming true.

Keith was different. Still quiet, still as unapproachable as ever, yet there was a maturity to him that he didn't used to have. He'd mellowed out, he was a seasoned pilot, a warrior. He was calm and defined and, God, he was even better, and James wanted him even more.

"Hello?" Keith called, waving a hand to get James' attention, as he'd been silently staring at Keith for a few solid minutes.

His face burned and he swallowed thickly, clearing his throat and hesitated, pulling out the Gardenias from behind his back and presenting them. A few white petals shook loose of the bouquet, drifting through the air and settling on the floor, a few catching on Keith's sweatpants, more in his hair, and the speckles of white stuck in his black hair like snowfall or stars.

Keith appeared fully taken aback, lifting his hands up as if trying to catch the petals, gaping at the few that settled in his palms before lifting his surprised eyes to James, who was glaring at him. It wasn't the best expression, it wasn't soft or adoring, but it was so entirely James.

Keith was someone to respect, to strive to be like in skill and prowess. Asking him out was a challenge that James was walking into head on. This was a stand down between two of the best pilots in the Garrison, and James had no intentions of backing down. It was a test of wills.

For a long time Keith just stared directly at the flowers, before his brow curved and he lifted his gaze to James, "What?"

"They're for you. As a gift," James said simply, and Keith lifted his hands higher, hesitated visibly, and finally reached out to take the bouquet.

His fingers brushed the back of James' hand, clammy and warm from his workout, and James had to hold his breath to keep from making a strange noise.

"What are... what's it for?" Keith asked, holding the flowers carefully, "Oh. You're thanking me or something?"

"Huh?" James uttered, cradling the back of his hand, and Keith looked at him again.

"You're not the first person to give me flowers in thanks for aiding in the war," then looked away just in time to not see James' face crunch up in annoyance, "All of us have gotten gifts and flowers, gift baskets. I, uh... don't really keep any of them, but... I guess I could hunt down a vase or something."

James still didn't know how this conversation had taken such a left turn, so he ended up just murmuring, "Huh?" again.

Keith shrugged, lifting a hand to delicately touch one of the soft flower petals, "I don't really have any use for it all, so I give it to the other paladins or my mom. It's not like I pilot the Black Lion for glory, that kind of thing makes me... uncomfortable. So... but I mean, thank you. You're the last person I expected to thank me, so I'll try to take care of them."

"Wha- no!" James stepped closer, "That's not what this is, moron! I'm not thanking you! I mean I am, thank you, but that's not what the flowers are for!"

Keith blinked before his face drew in and he scowled, "Well what the hell are they for, then?"

"Well if you were smarter you'd realize I'm trying to ask you out!" James snapped out the response, and Keith's face contorted into an expression of stunned disbelief.

It took James a minute to comprehend he'd blurted that, while his original plan was to softly offer a day out. It was done now, though, so he huffed through his nose and yanked the small box of chocolates from his pocket, handing it to Keith, who reached out cautiously to take it.

"Are you free Wednesday? Go out with me."

Keith opened his mouth, nothing came out, so he closed it and looked down at the flowers. It seemed he was having an internal struggle with himself, clearing his throat a few times and touching the petals a second time.

"Uh, I don't...," he stopped, and his eyes became faraway, before his cheeks became softly flushed, "This Wednesday?"

The way he'd started to speak, the hesitance in his voice, made James think he was going to say no, and he was preparing for the rejection. The rejection that didn't come. Keith definitely looked nervous or out of his comfort zone, but instead of saying no, he asked for a specification.

"Yea, this Wednesday."

Then there was another moment of silence, until Keith's body relaxed substantially, and he shrugged loosely, "Yea, sure."

"Really?" James asked, "Wait, really?"

"Yea."

"You'll go out with me?"

Keith shrugged again, "Yea."

"Okay," James held his hands out, "I just want to be clear, you do know that this is a date, right? Like we're going out, on a date."

"That's sort of what I figured."

"And you're okay with that?"

"Why not?" Keith glanced over at James before looking down again, "It's not like I hate you."

That might've been the best thing he could have said, that he didn't hate James, and it was those words that had him so excited the following Wednesday as he fixed his hair in the bathroom mirror.

Dressed as casually as he could without seeming like he was trying too hard, in a simple white tshirt with a maroon over shirt buttoned up, the collar folded down. Blue jeans held with a brown belt and his boots. He figured he looked pretty good, and gave himself a thumb up in the mirror.

"I'll be back late," he said when he went back into his dorm room, picking up his coat and wallet, "Don't wait up for me."

"I won't," was Kinkade's easy reply, and James cast him a narrow eyed look at where he was sitting with a book.

No time to call him out on it, though, since it was almost time to meet Keith out in the garage. James had his Garrison dune car keys in his hand, expecting to drive them like the gentleman he was.

He was throwing his keys up and catching them, his other hand in his pocket and his coat hanging over his arm. When he caught sight of Keith waiting, though, he fumbled for his keys, which seemed to fall through his hand and hit the ground with a clang.

James figured he'd been the only one worrying over his appearance, but it legitimately appeared as if Keith had put thought into his outfit. He'd never seen the paladin in casual dress, only ever his cadet uniform and paladin armor.

Now, he was wearing a black short sleeved shirt, skinny black jeans, boots that reached his knees and were accented with red colors, his hair tied back and goggles hanging around his neck. A black leather jacket was draped over the handlebars of the hoverbike he was leaning against, holding an orange phone up, but he lifted his eyes when he heard James drop his keys.

They stared at each other for a long time, long enough for James to see Keith's ears turn pink and drop his eyes, turning.

"Ready?"

"Uh, oh, yea," James ducked down and grabbed his keys, freezing when he stood straighter to watch Keith grab the jacket and pull it on, throwing one leg over the hoverbike, "Wha-what are you doing? I was going to drive us."

"Yea, but...," Keith shrugged, "It's been a while since I drove one of these. Is it okay?"

"Yea, no worries," James said, his voice cracking, feeling his heart jump in his chest when Keith held out a second pair of goggles.

"Here, and hold on."

James had sat himself down behind Keith and pulled the goggles on before he felt himself almost ask "to what", but stopped himself, hands hovering over Keith's waist.

He didn't grab him at first, just listened to the sound of the engine turning, jerking back as it started forward. That's when he grabbed Keith, out of necessity so he wouldn't fall off (that would've been very attractive), not that he didn't think about holding him around the waist almost all the time.

It was nice, really nice. Keith was warm, his waist was slim, but James could feel muscle beneath his hands, exercising incredible self control by not stroking his fingers along those muscles. He really wanted to, but that was moving too fast.

This was their first date, and it might not even go well. It was likely that Keith would get mad at him halfway through the day and ditch him in Plaht, forcing James to walk all the way back to the Garrison, thus ending any possible relationship that could be between them.

So because he wanted this, whatever it was, to last, he just held on as loosely as he could, keeping just enough grip on Keith so he didn't roll backwards off the back of the bike. Again, an absolutely wonderful start to their date.

Plaht City was bustling when they drove into it, as it normally was these days. Alien refugees and human citizens who'd survived the war had built up a coexisting community, the first alien settlement on earth to symbolize their alliance with other planets.

There were booths of food, earth food that James was familiar with, and alien foods that he wrinkled his nose at, though Keith seemed familiar enough with it all, even pointing at a few remarkably strange looking items and naming them for James.

"That tastes like a pomegranate, but a little spicy. That one tastes like chicken. Hunk really likes that, and Lance likes that because he says it tastes like garlic knots. Aren't garlic knots just garlic bread? I asked him and he got offended. Yelled at me in Spanish and huffed off."

James nodded his head furiously at everything, even though he only understood a fraction of what Keith was saying, while the other half of the time he was just dumbstruck that Keith was talking at all. He still held himself around James somewhat cautiously, like he was treading on thin ice, or figured any side tossed statement could put them on tense terms, but he was talking.

And he seemed to be enjoying himself, which had been one of James' initial concerns. That Keith would be bored, lose interest, or that he'd assume James was trying to get something out of him when all he wanted was a connection, to see Keith loosen up around him.

The day went well, neither started an argument, James didn't even feel like he was being put on the spot or challenged. The only time he felt a spark of their former rivalry was when they had lunch. They argued for a bit about who would buy food, but after a bit, Keith seemed to calm down and relent, arms folding stubbornly across his chest and looking James dead in the eye.

"If you buy, I get to pick what to eat."

James agreed, but didn't have any idea of how big a mistake he'd made until they sat down and Keith revealed his chosen cuisine, which appeared to be some unnatural alien meat with a side of... fruit, maybe.

"What is this?" James asked, sitting across from Keith, who was already using a toothpick to stab into cubes of space meat, dipping them in some kind of unnamed and clearly not earth born sauce that was green and way too thick, like mashed up caterpillar or something.

"It's meat," was his clear answer, holding out the cube he'd been just about ready to eat, "Here, try. It's good."

"Right, and what animal did it come from?"

Keith looked at the cube of meat, lips in a pout, "Well, who cares?" it sounded like a question and that was certainly suspicious, "While we were travelling, we learned to just not question it. So long as it tastes edible and nutritious, we ate it. Plus, Hunk can cook really well and make anything taste good," he held the cube closer to James' face, right against his lips, "Just taste it."

James grit his teeth and stared down at the cube of meat, slowly taking it from Keith and sniffing it. It smelt the barest bit like teriyaki chicken, so he took a tiny bite. His suspicions were confirmed, it absolutely tasted like a blend of pastrami and chicken doused in honey and teriyaki sauce. Honestly it was amazing, so James stuck the whole thing into his mouth and shrugged with his hands.

Keith grinned, and James felt entirely too pleased with himself for bringing that expression, but at the same time, the smile looked smug. It wasn't until they were finished that Keith actually revealed what they'd eaten was meat from some kind of giant space bug found on Olkarion. James nearly threw up, until he reminded himself how honestly delicious it had been. So he ate a bug, so what? No one could say he was a coward now at least.

"My turn," James decided, because although he was okay with eating a bug, he still felt the need to one up Keith, if only for fun.

He was holding out two chilled to-go cups with straws stuck through the tops, and Keith squinted at them suspiciously as he took one, "What's this?"

"Tea," James answered, one hand propped against his hip and looking far too satisfied in himself, "Milk tea to be specific. It's good. Never had it?" Keith shook his head, and James smiled his own smug smile, "Good, this should be fun then."

Keith just hummed, staring at his tea. He was quiet for a long time as James enjoyed his own drink without hesitation, turning his head back and forth slowly. They had taken a seat on a bench just off to the side of the pathway, so they could both see the aliens and humans walking by, shopping or just enjoying their day. James was enjoying it, that was for sure. It had been simple and predictable, but even following his list had been a good idea.

First he and Keith walked the full length of the booth street. No cars or vehicles drove on the street, because it was lined with booths and stands of food and useless junk, knickknacks from both earth and alien planets. It was remarkable to watch, how Keith could easily converse with the alien refugees, but at the same time had issues communicating with the other people from earth. As if he felt more at home talking to races he wasn't part of.

It was sad that he felt so out of place there, on the planet where he was born, and more at home with aliens who had purple skin, or eyebrows that grew out above their temples and twitched like antennae. James hoped that, maybe with his influence, and the influence of acceptance at the Garrison, that Keith could start to feel more open and at home there.

"Hey," the silence was broken by Keith, who was mixing the tea he had yet to taste with his straw, "Can I... maybe ask you something?"

James shrugged, "Sure."

"... why'd you ask me out?" Keith held the cup in both his hands, propping it against his knees and staring down, "Are you trying to make up for something? Or did someone set you up?"

"What? No, jeeze, what kind of asshole do you think I am?" James questioned with a huff, tensing and looking away, "I asked you out because I wanted to."

"What for?" Keith questioned again, and James sighed heavily, leaning back.

"Jeeze, do I need a reason?"

Keith's shoulders seemed to sag, "Guess I was hoping you did. I mean, I haven't really been out of the Garrison much aside from before when we went on missions, and the medics haven't even cleared me for active duty, so I figured getting out and walking around would be the best I can get until I'm allowed to fly again," he set the cup down on the bench beside him, "Sorry, I guess maybe I took advantage of you, but if this didn't mean anything I shouldn't feel as bad," James opened his mouth as if to speak, but Keith beat him to it, shoulders hunching, "Weird, though, because I do still feel bad. So... sorry."

"I asked you out because I like you, Keith," James said stiffly, "We just won a three year war that killed a third of the population, a war that almost fucking killed you, and me, and a lot of other people, so fuck it. You know what, I asked you out because I like you and I've liked you since high school, okay? I've liked you for years, even when you punched me, and I figured this was my last chance to tell you. I thought I lost my chance when you left the Garrison and disappeared into space, then again when you and your lion fell and... I thought you were dead for a while until Shirogane told us everyone was okay. So I figured this was my last chance. I didn't ask you out from pity, or because you're some hot shot and I was trying to weasel my way into your life for status, or whatever else you may assume. I liked you when you were an obnoxious punk ass brat who couldn't follow rules for shit, and now that you're back, even though you've actually changed a lot, I still like you. Okay? There, I said it."

He folded his arms, a slight scowl on his lips. It was remarkable, honestly, how easy it was to actually get the words out once he'd started. It was like another challenge against Keith, who could confess first. Not that Keith felt any similar feelings, clearly he only agreed to go out with James because he wasn't medically allowed to do much else. Still, that just made James worry more.

"Are you feeling okay?" he tested, and Keith hesitated, "I mean, are you hurting at all? We've been walking around a lot, and I... guess I got so excited I forgot you were only recently let out of the hospital."

"I feel fine," Keith said, lifting a hand to rub at his head, "I, um... I never knew you felt that way."

"Well, I never told you," James mumbled, arms still folded, head bowed and knee bouncing, "Honestly, back then, what would you even have said?"

"Good point," Keith said softly, "I would've just gotten mad at you, more likely than not. I would've thought you were lying or making fun of me or something."

"Yea... and what about now?"

Keith pulled at the edges of his gloves, "I still sort of think you're lying or at least crazy, but... you've changed too. I don't think you'd make light of this kind of thing, especially after a war. Which means... you're probably being truthful in saying you like me, but it's still kind of hard to grasp."

"You don't think you're likable?"

"Not really," Keith sighed out, reaching over to pick up his tea again, stabbing the straw against the bottom of it with hollow thudding sounds, "I mean, no one really seemed to like me before. Then again I never did try to impress anyone back then... and you still liked me anyway, huh?"

"Yea, I guess I did, and still do," James leaned back, head tilting to look up at the sky, "Quite the mess of a crush, I certainly know how to pick 'em."

Keith snorted, holding the cup higher, keeping his head bowed, clinging to the sides of the to-go cup so tightly that drops of condensation dripped down the backs of his fingers. He was silent for a long time, just sitting there, lost in thought before finding the words and opening his mouth.

"I never thought about... having a relationship before. I was sort of busy surviving on my own, but... this was really fun, today. Getting out of the Garrison, talking to familiar faces, seeing your reaction when you ate that food," one corner of his lips curled up, "I guess it was kind of cute. So..."

"So...," James' voice cracked subtly, and he lifted a fist and coughed into it, "I wasn't cute."

"So maybe this would be nice to try," Keith finished, sitting straighter, and James could almost feel the way his mood changed from shy and cautious to tight and determined, that aura he used to echo when he was younger and ready for a fight, "This with us, whatever it is, I want to try it."

"So... that means you like me back or..."

Keith tensed again, lips pressing into a tight line, "I... don't know. I don't know what it's supposed to feel like to... like someone... but I'm having fun, and I don't really feel pressured, and it's easy to be myself around you, so... if I don't like you, why do I feel so comfortable?"

"Pain meds?" James offered, and Keith swayed to the side with a roll of his eyes.

"Just take the fucking compliment, ass."

"Drink your fucking tea already."

James didn't know why he felt so happy. He didn't expect Keith to flat out confess to him, or accept his feelings right away, but the fact he actually wanted to try and maintain this relationship said a lot. He liked James enough to try, and that was so much more than James had ever expected. It made him happy.

"So... um...," James looked over at Keith again to see him hunched over, one hand clinging to his cup, his other arm wrapped around his chest to cling to his upper arm, "I guess... step one of this is being honest about stuff?"

"Sure, I guess. Why?"

"I, uh... kind of lied?" Keith's voice choked a little, and he cleared his throat, "I actually don't feel that great right now. Walking around all day, my head kind of hurts. I'm okay, just sore."

"Oh," James breathed, "I'm sorry, I should've noticed something was up. We should head back to the Garrison so you can rest."

"We still have a few hours of sunlight left, don't we?" Keith asked, sitting straighter again, "I can handle a tiny headache, so I want to spend some more time just with you."

James felt his cheeks burn, but he just smiled crookedly, "Sure... but let's sit here until you're feeling a bit better. Seriously, drink," he waved at the cup, "It's good, and it's healthy. Try it."

Keith huffed through his nose and nodded, lifting the cup, "So I guess this means we're officially dating, right?"

James choked on his own tea, but nodded furiously like it was the best idea he'd ever heard, "Yea, yea! We can come back to Plaht on our days off whenever you're feeling okay, and if you're feeling kind of sick, we can just stay at the Garrison. I'll fill you in on the years you missed."

"Yea, I'd like to hear it," Keith agreed, taking a sip of tea as James continued to talk.

"Cool then, I'll tell you about the MFE's, and how I completely obliterated all your sim scores, and-," he paused when Keith jerked forward, pulling the cup away and slapping a hand over his mouth, eyes wide.

James immediately reached over to grab his shoulder and steady him, "Hey, easy. What happened, did you drink too fast? Are you choking?"

Keith just turned to face James, gaping at him with wide eyes, slowly pulling his hand away and opening his mouth to let small black pearl shaped spheres fall out. Then he looked at the cup of tea, and James snorted, leaning back with a gut busting laugh.

"What the fuck...?"

"Keith oh my god!"

"What the fuck was that? Why is there a solid in my fucking liquid?"

"I-it's bubble tea!" James reached over to settle his hands over Keith's, "Those are tapioca pearls! They're good!"

"The fuck kind of tea did you just give me?!"

"Isn't it good, though?!"

"I don't know!"

The rest of the day was slow and peaceful, relaxing in the best way. They walked from bench to bench, buying drinks and snacks. James kept a close eye on Keith as they walked, making a note of his body language and the way he walked. Whenever it seemed like he was slowing or staggering his pace, James suggested they sit down, picking up food and water, at one point picking up something that the alien called a healing herb which he boiled in water and offered to James. When he mentioned it was for Keith, the alien excitedly shoved the cup into his hands.

"It's free! Anything to help the paladin's of Voltron!"

James took that as a good thing, and forced Keith to drink every drop, despite the cringe on his face, "This tastes like shit. I prefer the bubble tea."

"Shut up and drink, it's supposed to help."

Keith mumbled and clung to the cup with both hands, hiding the red tint to his cheeks by burying his face in the rising steam. He wasn't used to being cared for like this by anyone aside from Krolia, so it was somewhat overwhelming, and embarrassing. It definitely showed how much he cared, though. He certainly hadn't been lying about his crush, if his actions meant anything.

"Why are you making me drink gross medicine anyway?"

"I just don't want you to be uncomfortable or in pain."

Yea, Keith figured he'd say that, but he wanted to hear it for himself either way. It made it easier to stomach the bitter flavor. He didn't want to worry James any more than he already had, after all.

They decided to head back home when the sun finally started to settle in the distance. Keith was wobbling on his feet but trying to hide it, so James shed his own coat and draped it around the paladin's shoulders on their way back to the hoverbike.

"I'll drive us back," he decided, not leaving any room for argument as he held his hand out for the keys, which Keith sleepily offered to him, "Hold onto me, okay? Try not to fall asleep or fall off."

Unlike James, who'd been uneasy about clinging to Keith while riding, Keith wound his arms unabashedly around James' waist, hiding his face between his shoulder blades and mumbling a thank you before the engine started. James concentrated as well as he could on the road despite having Keith's arms around him, and when they got home, he had to help Keith off the bike, seeing as he was falling asleep where he sat.

"Geeze you're losing energy pretty fast."

"I'm fine," Keith rubbed at his eyes, but James stayed close to him.

"Need help getting back to your dorm?"

"Hm... I should say yes, shouldn't I?"

"Unless you wanna fall asleep on the way there? Probably."

"Mm, fine."

"Come on," James stepped in front of Keith and crouched down, waiting for Keith to fall against him before standing up, hooking his arms under Keith's knees to keep him steady, "Hold onto me, don't fall off."

"Right," Keith agreed, arms wrapping around James' neck, silent as they walked towards the Garrison.

It was dark out, everyone was either sleeping or tucked into their dorms, so there was no one in the hallways as James carried Keith towards his dorm room. They were both relatively silent, until Keith tugged on his sleeve.

"James."

"Huh?"

"Thanks," James tensed and paused in his steps, so Keith continued quickly, "I mean... I never thought I'd miss earth before, and I didn't miss earth, I really didn't. I didn't even plan on ever coming back, I had nothing here to come back to. I found my mom in space, I found another home with the blades, and the paladins didn't need me for a long time, until...," he stopped, hesitating, squeezing James around the shoulders, "This was a really fun day, though. Having an earth date with you... was fun. I'd like to go on another with you sometime. I want more reasons to stay on earth."

James chewed the inside of his cheek, nodding and continuing to walk, "Sounds fun, but before that, take care of yourself. Sleep, recover. It's like you're suffering from hypersomnia, with how tired you keep getting and how quickly. Promise you'll take a day off, yea? Just to sleep."

Keith seemed to consider it before nodding against James' neck, "Okay. Only if you buy me more of that tea."

James snorted, "Is that all you want?"

"Yea. I liked it. It's weird, but not bad."

"Okay then," James chuckled, "I'll get you more tea. All the tea you want," Keith's breathing had evened out, signalling he'd fallen asleep, and James smiled softly to himself, "I'll take care of you however I can. If buying tea is what helps, I'll do it. Sleep well."

[some-cookie-crumbz]

Your Kidge married hc were so cute! I will wait for part 2!!!!!

Hopefully a Part 2.1 will suffice for now! I ended up talking about their first baby a lot more than I intended, so I’m going to break this down by each child and then do a post where I focus primarily on the whole family dynamic!

Forewarning that there will be some mentions of Allurance in all these parts, but I’m not tagging it because they aren’t given any real focus. Additionally, since I know some of thisstuff can squick some people out, warning that there will be somewhat-detailedtalk about pregnancy, birth, and what exactly comes in the early stages with anewborn so please be wary if such things make you uncomfortable.

The First Baby

They talk a lot about children before they end upconceiving; specifically in the later years of their dating and throughouttheir engagement. Despite neither one of them being very social people, familyis undoubtedly a huge thing for both of them. Pidge’s family – the Holts – meana lot to her and she likes the idea of having a few kids of her own someday.For Keith, the idea of having a family unit comprised of his own actual kin –since all he’s got left is Krolia and maybe Nana Eve too idk

Pidge doesn’t actually get morning sickness with their firstbaby. She also doesn’t realize that she missed her periods because she was toofocused on her work, and actually finds out at one of her regular check-ups.

She’s about eleven weeks along at the time, with her duedate being placed in the mid-to-late October range, and is thrown for a completeloop. Not a bad loop, just a Holy-Shit-I-Wasn’t-Expecting-This-Today kind ofloop.

She actually calls Keith to tell him after she’s done withthe rest of her appointment.

“Hey, Keith.”

“Hey Pidge. How’d the doctor visit go?”

“Well, uh… I got some interestingnews…”

“Oh yeah?”

“I might… Kinda… Sorta… Be a little bit pregnant…?”

“…”

“…”

“… Uh… How can you be kindaa little bit pregnant?”

While Pidge heads home, Keith mulls over the news andrealizes that Pidge is pregnant with ababy and she’s gonna give birth to ababy and they’re gonna be parents toa baby and they’re gonna have a start to a little family with a baby anD HOLY CROW A BABY!!!

The minute Pidge walks in the door he scoops her up and justkisses her and she’s absolutely confused for a tick. But then she sees how he’sgrinning at her and how big his eyes are and she realizes that they’re wateringjust a bit and she catches on. She nuzzles up into him and cuddles him and theyjust kinda stay there swaddled together for a long time and bask in theirexcitement.

They decide to tell everyone all together at a bigget-together two weeks from when they find out. They get together with theirfamilies and the other Paladins at least once a month to catch up and shoot theshit.

They both have to try really hard to keep it to themselvesthroughout dinner until finally, after they eat, they chime in that they havean announcement to share.

Pidge is the one who actually comes right out and says thatshe’s pregnant, with Keith preening right beside her.

Colleen is immediately in excited tears and darts over tohug them both, tickled pink at having a grandbaby to dote on. Samuel gets alittle misty-eyed himself and hugs each of them in turn, kissing Pidge’s foreheadand giving Keith’s back a good and hearty pat respectively. Coran also flies into hysterical, excited tears.

Matt gives Keith a playful punch in the shoulder and makes ajoke about not congratulating the guy on getting laid with his little sister.Pidge rolls her eyes and tells Matt he’s just jealous she gets it more than hedoes.

Lance and Allura both offer their excited congratulations,admitting that they’ve been trying for a baby of their own and will hopefullybe joining them soon.

Hunk gets a little weepy and promises to help them with anypainting, building, etc. they need to do in preparation.

Krolia slips away when everyone’s distracted without a word.Keith is pretty upset about it, since he was hoping his mom would be excited tobe a grandma, but he lets it go and instead focuses on being happy with theothers.

Keith is very emotional about being a Dad™ and it makesPidge emotional about having a Family™. They feed off of one another’sFeelings™ completely.

In regards to changes to the diet and schedule, Pidgestruggles with lowering her caffeine intake and making sure she gets her sleepschedule under control.

Pidge has been dependent on caffeine since she was like15/16, okay? How else do you think she got through early morning Garrison classesand late-night Garrison hackings?

Keith sees how hard it is for her, so he starts finding waysto help her out with it. Specifically, he finds out how to make fruit smoothiesfor her to substitute her morning cup of coffee.

In regards to her sleep schedule, Pidge mostly adjusts to anormal sleep schedule because her staying up late starts to stress Keith out alittle it and she doesn’t like that. Plus, once she gets further along in thepregnancy, she feels tired more often and sleeps more simply because she alwaysfeels tired.

With them going to bed around the same time, they cuddle alot more. Once Pidge starts showing more and the baby starts moving, Keithloves sleeping with one hand on her belly so he can feel them moving. Somenights, when the baby gets really restless, it sometimes seems like Keithgently rubbing where they most recently kicked seems to help soothe them, too,so Pidge is absolutely fine with it.

Keith makes sure to attend every doctor’s appointment with Pidge,to see how she and the baby are both doing. When they reach the point they canfind out the gender, they decide to go for it since they’d been struggling withnames and maybe having a gender will help.

They are happily informed that they are expecting a littlegirl! They’re both absolutely thrilled by the news, and picking names becomes abit more streamlined.

They also get a hospital bag ready once Pidge is about amonth out from her due date. Inside are some spare clothes for Pidge, as well asthe onesie they decided to they wanted to bring the baby home in. It’s darkblue with stars and comets all over it, and a little flying saucer on the frontthat says “Outta This World!” They pick this for obvious reasons, I think.

Pidge starts feeling a little weird late into the evening onOctober 29th, but she passes it off as just being exhausted. Sheends up waking up at nearly eleven, though, and gets up to use the bathroom. Keithnotices she got up and lays there, waiting for her to come back to bed, dozingin and out of it.

“K-Keith, are you awake?”

“… Hm! Y-Yeah, I’m up! What’s up?”

“I… I’m pretty sure it’s time…”

“W-What?” *flails uselessly and topples over the side of thebed*

“I’m pretty sure my water just broke… And that these crampsaren’t just cramps…”

“Okay, we got this! We’ve prepared for this!”

Keith gets Pidge the cheap slippers she bought, just forthis situation, and helps her get to the car. He makes sure to grab thehospital bag and rushes them there. Once they arrive at the hospital, Keithsends out a mass text to everyone letting them know that Pidge is in thehospital and the baby will be born soon.

It takes about seven hours of agonizing labor, and by theend of it Keith has lost all feeling in his left hand, but at 6:48 A.M. on October30th, Keith and Pidge become the proud parents of Amber Rose Kogane!

Keith playfully refers to her the best late birthday gift he has ever received.

Amber ends up having Pidge’s eyes, which is where her firstname comes from, while they select Rose as her middle name because Keith wasonce the Red Paladin, and being Paladins was what brought the couple together.Other than that, she ends up with dark hair like Keith as well as his palecomplexion, but gets Pidge’s button nose.

Everyone gives Keith and Pidge a little time to relax andsleep before they start cropping up to visit and meet the darling little girl.In that time, Pidge gets taught how to properly breast feed, as well as bothshe and Keith being shown how to change a diaper properly, specifically asconcerns involving yeast infections are a higher risk to newborn baby girls ifthey aren’t kept clean or wiped thoroughly. They also manage to sneak in a fewhours of sleep.

Colleen and Samuel are the first two to come by, with anextra little gift. Colleen went ahead and knitted a little peach colored baby blanketfor Amber, which has Pidge watery-eyed and Keith beaming. Matt shows up not toolong after that and, being a good big brother, comes bearing snacks and sodasfor the groggy new parents. Allura, Lance, and Coran are the three to show upnext, followed closely by Hunk and then Shiro.

The hospital normally doesn’t let this many people in to oneroom to visit a newborn baby and mother, but Universe-Saving-Paladins-of-Voltron and allthat can get you some nifty little exceptions.

Everyone gets a turn to hold Amber and coo at her, thoughadmittedly Colleen and Lance tend to hog her the most. Lance tries to excuse itas simply being a matter of needing to know how to hold a baby for when he hasone of his own. Keith calls bullshit.

Pidge and Amber only have to spend one whole night in thehospital to be monitored and then they can go home. When the little family ofthree pulls up, they’re surprised to see what is clearly a Blade cruiser parkedin the front yard. Krolia is leaning against the cruiser, fiddling with asmall, long box in her hands. Pidge side-eyes Keith before indicating he gotalk to his mother while she gets Amber out of the car. Krolia perks up whileKeith approaches her.

“Uh… Hi, Mom… It’s been… A while…”

“Yes, I do apologize for that. I had to take care of somethingimportant.”

“Didn’t even stick around long enough to let us know how youfelt about having a grandkid, in fact.” *Said with only a little bit of malice.*

“Well, it was a legitimate reason. I came here to being youthe gift I got for the baby.” *Said with only a lot of defensiveness*

Pidge approaches them with Amber’s little car seat slungover one of her arms and Krolia immediately melts, looking at the dozing infantinside. They all head inside and Pidge passes Amber to Krolia once they getsettled. While she quietly cooes over her granddaughter and aks Pidge aboutthis or that about the newborn, Keith opens the little box she brought.

Inside is a brand new bonafided luxite blade.

Turns out Krolia had gone searching to find some more of themineral and then, upon retrieving some, gone looking for a blacksmith thatcould properly sculpt it into a working blade.

Keith is simultaneously touched and exasperated by the gift.Like, Krolia could have at least stayed a little longer to bask in the glow ofthe news and then gone off. Then again, he knows that she still sometimesstruggles with the whole Being-Responsible-And-Involved-With-A-Family Thing.

She vows to come by and visit as often as she can. She also reveals she has about seven or eight more luxite blades in her cruiser for anyother kids they have. Keith is a little less endeared and a little moreexasperated by this.

“But why did you getso many?”

“I wasn’t sure how many offspring a human has at once! My brotherUdurat was mated to a Patuvian and they can produce as many as five to nineoffspring at one time!”

“…”

“…”

“I have an uncle namedUdurat?”

Anyway, back to the matter at hand! Amber and her parents!

Babies are typically pretty dull for the first six-sevenweeks since they haven’t started figuring out expressions or noises or anythinglike that. It’s mostly just a grace period for parents to try and figure outwhat they’re doing before their baby becomes more like an actual little person.

Once she starts figuring things out, Amber is a veryexpressive and happy little thing. For the longest time, she doesn’t know howto laugh, so instead she just kinda wears a big grin and shrieks for all she’sworth instead. Pidge and Keith find this simultaneously adorable and hilarious.

*Keith comes home from work* “I’m home.”

*Amber’s eyes get wide and her mouth gapes wide in a bigtoothless grin and starts panting and bouncing in her seat*

“Who is that, Amber? Is that your Daddy?” *Pidge, alreadystarting to snort in anticipation*

“AaaahhhhHHHHAAAAAAHHHHHHHAAAAHHHhhhahhhhh!”

“Happy to see you, too, baby girl.”

Keith still goes on his morning runs, but he invests in alittle baby sling and takes Amber with him. He makes sure that she’s beenrecently nursed before he does – which isn’t hard, since Amber is an earlyriser like her Daddy – so that Pidge can get some more sleep while he gets tohave some Daddy-Baby time with her. He even buys Amber her own little babyvisor so the sun doesn’t get in her eyes.

Pidge gets the first genuine smile from Amber, but Keithgets the first laugh.

Amber struggles to figure out how to crawl. Like, she worksout how to roll herself on to her tummy, but she just doesn’t know what to dowith her arms. So she’ll just lay there on the ground, little butt in the air,staring at wherever she wants to go to like thatwill make her move. Again, Keith and Pidge are absolutely floored by theridiculous cuteness of their child.

She takes her first steps from Keith to Pidge while they’resitting on her little playmate with her in her room. They weren’t actuallyworking on her walking, either; she’d gotten good at standing at that point, sothey were just having her stand while they got her dressed to go to a familyget together. Pidge had been looking for the shoes that went with the littledress they picked, and Amber decided that she wanted to help look, apparently,and bam! She’s waddling her way across the floor to her Mommy.

Her first word is shouted in a way that Keith and Pidge findhilariously aggressive for such a tiny thing as her.

*Keith in the other room* “Hey, Pidge, did you finishgetting the grocery list together?”

“Uh, not yet.” *Trying to get Amber to take a little tether toy*“Aw, come one, sweetie. This is nice and cold! It’ll help with those achy littlegums!”

*Pokes his head around the corner* “Still refusing hertethers?”

“Oh, absolutely. She’s just so ridiculously stubborn.”*Small huff.*

*Amber is shoving the toy away with sharp barks of protest*

“Gee, I wonder where she gets that from…” *A small,sarcastic laugh.

“DADA!” *Shoutedwith every fiber of feeling in her tiny body and paired with a dramatic turn ofher head to look at him*

*Cue Mommy and Daddy McFreakin’ Losin’ It.*

This is all for this part for now, but I promise to have thenext part with Baby #2 out as soon as I can! x3

[savetheblackpaladin]

i love ur blog and i also love pidge (she's literally me we're almost the exact same age i l o v e h e r )can i have some fluffy dating hc of the pidgeon

Welcome to my sin blog lol, time to balance this thing out with fluff!!! 

The pidgeon is the most awkward girl alive my god

when she first saw you pidge.exe stopped working 

she’s stuttering all over the place and keeps adjusting her glasses unnecessarily. once she missed and just smeared a finger on the glass and but was too nervous to clean them so she suffered with the smear until she was alone

later that night she found Lance and just went off about how cute you were and how much she wants to kiss your stupid face

She asked you out like three months later (she suffered every minute) by accidentally screaming, “Please date me!” when you tried to confront her about why she was constantly avoiding you and always acted like talking to you caused her physical pain.

you panicked and just said ok because she’s super cute and you’ve been trying to get to know her better because you have a crush on her

When out and about you two hold hands constantly, but she’s got sweaty hands lol

there’s a lot of wiping them off on her outfit because she is determined. to hold. that hand!

also walks super close to you, like her shoulder is always bumping into yours she’s so close

when you two or older she’ll shift to always keeping a hand in your back pocket or a finger hooked in it if she doesn’t have your hand

You two have a thing going on where one will just ramble on and on about whatever while the other nods along and offers support while not really knowing what the heck they’re talking about

Pidge will talk about science, the beautiful mechanics of Green and the castleship, and other neat-o things like biotechnology that sometimes are just a bit above your head. But hey! You’re a wonderful listener and keep picking up new things

“I just can’t figure out what’s wrong with this stupid panel! Why is it blinking!! AARRRGGghhhhh!!” 

“Weren’t you talking about Ockham’s Razor the other day? What if you just pop the sensors out and plug them back in? Like, maybe they were just misfiring?”

“Y/N, you’re amazing!”

“Naw, I just have an amazing girlfriend who likes to talk a lot.”

Cue the adorable kiss

Pidge also does her best to learn more about your interests because she wants to know everything about you and what makes you happy because honestly? If something makes you happy then it’s worth her time to understand it.

Has the worst sleep schedule so be prepared to have a sleeping Pidge snuggled nice and cozy into your side during slow afternoons

it’s like having a small animal on your lap: you can’t move or else you have no heart. The boys will happily bring you what you need to keep you entertained while Pidge dozes. 

sometimes you snooze with her and you usually end up on your back with Pidge on top, tucked under your chin while her arms are comfortably tucked under your shoulders. someone has put a blanket on you two

once a week you guys have a sleep over and it involves making an epic fort

it’s only once a week because any more than that and Shiro insists on ‘The Talk’ and frankly, that’s just an embarrassing thought. Like thanks for looking out for us Shiro, but please don’t. 

you three have an agreement that should you two last long enough and decide to move your relationship to the next level, Shiro’s the first to know so he can offer advice to his smol children.

also he’s not allowed in the fort because he’s a lame adult. Same for Allura. Coran is allowed. Keith, Hunk, and Lance must bring sacrifices (food) for entry

Quick little shy pecks on the lips! Bc Pidge is an embarrassed smol bean

kiss her on the cheek and she turns so red

forehead kisses are basically ‘Good Job!’ kisses and she loves them

she likes to kiss your cheeks and the tip of your nose because you have a good face!

Punches Lance when he makes fun of you two (i.e. kissy noises when you two walk by)

she must defend your honor

On your birthday she has Hunk help her make a cake for you but she has to do it all herself

space rides! for when the castle seems too boring and stuffy and you two just want to escape

you get a chance to pilot Green and you’re surprised about how she seems to move more with your thoughts than with the controls

Pidge is super proud of you and insists you join Paladin training because she’s pretty sure you’re her second

Protecting each other during combat

Pidge is a bad-ass on her own but with you mixed in you two are a tiny unstoppable force of pure evil team work

also enemies underestimate you two and you use it to your advantage

Sometimes Pidge gets a little snappy and self-absorbed when she’s working on a project and lashes out with unkind words when you bother her too much

she’s fairly selfish but she knows this and being with you makes her want to work on it.

she apologizes after she’s finished and taken a nap and will give you the space you need if you’re still mad at her.

You two do get in small little fights but they’re rarely anything serious. You’re both young teens fighting in an intergalactic war. Sometimes things are tense and it’s easy to take things out on each other

you always make up and just cuddle each other after

You two try to adopt any small creatures you come across

“Pidge, Y/N, what. Is that?” Shiro drags his hand across his face, hiding a very, very pained look.

“What does it look like Shiro? It’s a dog.” You shrug.

“Dogs don’t have three inch spikes down their spines.”

“Don’t talk about Skittles like that!” Pidge whispers, covering ‘Skittle’s’ ears, “He’s very sensitive about them.”

“No. Just, no. Put it back.”

You are the only one Pidge truly vents to

you know about how terrified she is of not being able to find her dad and Matt

you know how she is ready for this war to be over because if it keeps on for too long, statistically? she’s pretty sure she’s going to die. or you will. and she’s not too sure how to handle that.

you know that even though she acts like Lance is a big pain in her ass she loves him like a brother. Hunk, Keith, and Shiro too. They’re her brothers. Coran is her weird space uncle and Allura her weird space sister. she loves her weird space family

you’re the only person who knows how concerned she is for her mom and dog back on Earth

When you vent, Pidge tucks you under her arm and brushes a hand through your hair

Sometimes you guys color coordinate outfits

definitely have matching bracelets that you made for each other

making faces at each other from across a room while trying to avoid being caught

turns out if you wear Pidge’s glasses you can see everything in the distance super clear (she’s near-sighted) so sometimes you wear them when practicing with a long distance weapon

Pidge’s poor heart 

Sharing clothes? Big yes

Canonically, Pidge is a hoarder so every once in a while you make her toss out a box of stuff because seriously, her room is a fire hazard. how does she live in it?

If anyone insults you, they’re in a world of hurt. No one insults Pidge’s boo.

Probably not into cutesy nicknames but if you giver her one she’ll nearly die in embarrassment but she’s so touched

however she will find you and be like, “Hey, you cute loser, what are you up to?” and I’m not sure that counts as a pet-name but alright?

[beowulfs-booty-call]

1 13 15 30

Had to listen to Studio Killers for this ask because I can just feel the maturity for this one.

1. describe your idea of a perfect date

Imagine, me and someone at a café somewhere. Maybe the city, maybe their hometown, maybe even my own spot.

The place is warm, the weather is slightly cold, but not too cold you can’t wear just a flannel and jeans (Wow, Beo, real easy subtle there.) but we just sit inside this real cozy cafe, its all old school, there’s jazz by George Benson playing like this

We’re locking eyes, me and them. The drinks are warm, but they’re not scalding, I’m writing in my little travel journal about the place, about the atmosphere, so on, maybe even doodles of the person. 

There’s light jokes strewn here and there, there’s nothing stiff about it, there’s fingers graze across mine on accent, and we both recline back out of fluster and second hand embarrassment. The person and I both apologize, but I tell ‘em I don't mind, it was warm. Slowly, we put our hands together and we can't get them off, we’re holding hands together, sipping our drinks and just talking about life, our hopes and dreams, the good stuff chai lattes were made for. 

The song’s picking up pitch, they know I’m tapping to the beat as the rain starts coming down. It’s light, it’s cool, and I’ve no umbrella with me, just me, my backpack, and my wallet/keys/phone. I gesture out to the rain, they nod.

We don’t know where we’re going, but we take our drinks and dash out in the rain like children. The song’s stuck in my head, like some big montage in a musical number, we hit up merchant shops, gemstone and oddities stores, my eyes bug out when I noticed a skull box or a cursed mirror for sale.

The entire me and that person don’t let go of each other’s hands, they’re stuck and we don’t give a damn. I roll up my sleeves to buckle down to nab us something to eat but its just comedic, I flip up, the person can’t help but laugh because I messed up an order (like I ordered chicken but the person brings a lobster dinner fit for two) and things are okay, I’ve nothing on my calendar or scheduled so it’s an adventure. 

And we end it at midnight, watching the stars and moon, my flannel’s all roughed up from some of the coffee they drank, and my shirt’s beginning to smell like them, because we’re cuddling on the grass on a hill overlooking the moon and clouds. My collars all wrinkled, I have a smudge of food still on my cheek that’s smudged off, and my ears are all red. 

We whisper sweet little nothings to each other, and its a big old debate whether or not to really get up. When we do, though, it’s still the fact that the night’s here and people have to sleep.

How we get home, no one knows, but we do, wether by truck or train. And we part, the person and I, maybe a hug, maybe a kiss on the cheek, but I feel something slipped into my pocket, or in my hands, or even when I leave I check for my keys and find something.

A little thing to remind myself of that date, maybe the receipt of the cafe where someone scrawled “You two look great together...!” or maybe a trinket from a shop.

All I know is, I’d never forget being someone’s adventure that day, or being someone’s travel partner.

13. what is a misconception you had about lgb people before you realized you were one?

I actually didn’t think there was the LGBT until about a good well number of years back. Yes, I knew about drag queens and other themes of the LGBT com. and such, but man, when I was younger I was fostered on the “You’re going to hell if you like the same gender or want to be the gender you felt you should have been born as” and Ironically when around the same time I became a witch, I realized the community was there.

You see, I knew about the community, but not as the official term, much less, the community was more than few people. It was terrible feeling that way, because I was in the closet for so very long. It was terrible being yelled at for crossing my legs or accidentally saying, “Well, I think you look good, so, I like you like that.” to some guy in high school and having people gawk at you, or being called a woman by my own father because of my voice and because I gestured with my hands.

My sexuality was questioned a lot, because, I was rather vague about myself, I had my interests, and while I had my life in front of me, many times I felt alone because of it. Was there people who felt the same way as me? Were there others who felt it was fine falling in love with a man or woman?

Are my feelings valid?

I made the mistake of believing there weren’t people out there who supported my life or my being, because it was so easy seeing how we were treated because of it. We had the episode of the Golden Girls where Blanche’s brother was gay and he was the butt of a few jokes, but also Blanche’s rage until Sophia stepped in, we were and are the butt of jokes at times, including on tv and cartoons in implications, but we were there. And it hurt. I felt it was awful how we were restricted for being who we were, and I felt worse for really thinking there wasn’t people who wasn’t like me because of the way I feel about people.

But, that mistake belied that in the end, we weren't represented as much as we are now, and still need to be. Kids need that support and representation I for one, didn't receive until nowadays because it causes them to worry, as well as mistake the heteronormative way we grow up as the be all - end all, and that scared the shiitake mushrooms out of me back then. Your parents could love you, but would they love after you finally had the guts to say, “Hey, mom and dad, remember how there’s always the notion that a man and woman need to get married? Yeah, well, I as a guy, love both genders / Men.” is the fear most gay kids would have, and vice versa for Lesbians as well. Even worse for my trans peeps who felt uncomfortable with the gender they were assigned with / wanted to become the person they wanted to be (If my language isn’t appropriate, please do tell me, and I’ll tailor it as needed by you!). Like, it’s so easy to feel alone when you were never really represented as anything but, “Oh, xyz? Oh you mean (Insert trope like Lesbians being written off / flamboyant gay men / crossdressing as a “joke” trope)” And you get put off by it so much you try thinking, “maybe I’m wrong” or “Maybe, I will go to hell, because this is bad.” And it’s not. At. All.

15. (if attracted to more than one gender) do you have different “types” for different genders?

I somehow knew this was coming so, *Cracks knuckles* let’s get to it, Sailor Style™ :

I’m a huge Sailor Venus fan, so, I pride myself on being able to love many people and “types” of people, of both guys and gals. 

Guys: BIG. THICC. MEN. 

LIKE

GIVE ME YOUR HAIRY, BIG, BELLIED AND SKINNY AND EVEN BUFF MEN WHO NEED SOME LOVING AND I AM HERE. 

I love thicc guys because, well, I love the idea of having someone bigger than me on some aspects. That said, I’m kinda a big guy myself at 178 pounds and at 6′2 (I believe is the last I scaled myself or an inch off) and I also don’t mind someone smaller so to speak. Really, I’m the sort who falls for all kinds of men, because, I seriously love boys. 

But I also love guys who know about themselves well enough too. I’m the guy who wants to share himself in a relationship. Not in the sense that I’m making it all about me, but in a relationship, imo, you’re sharing both of yourselves in it. Interests, love, commitment, it’s all there. I want to grow as a person and lover, and I want to share that growing person with someone. If you can’t handle that, you’d best find someone else, unfortunately. 

Also, Daddy types are my thing too, I’m leaning onto the archetype too, lol, but that’s a different story all together. My thing is, if a guy is big, bonus points, he got a belly? Extra points. He got abs and or pecs to die for? He’s got me all the way there. Hairy? Love it. No hair? Just as nice. 

Scared no one likes their body because they’re “too” (Skinny, big, etc etc) I’ll kiss them fears away. Confident in his life choices or isn’t as much and wants to better himself? Sign me tf up.

He can pay for my college ed because I can satisfy him? Fuck me up then.

Also like, jocks and bodybuilders are also kind of a thing for me with the way I train, but my guy, consider really nerdy guys who are like, big gentle giants and are really BIG and like dogs. Yes.

Pretty boys just don’t do it for me though.

They just don’t.

Girls: Really, I just love girls who are girls. Women are already kinda amazing on their own, so, like, the bar isn’t set up at all because in general I feel like if a girl is ready to share herself and sharing myself with her, we’re really fine.

If someone can match me in terms of books / literature, I give bonus points, but I just love girls who are confident in themselves. Like,

“I can make the fucking world burn, but you’d be damned if you cross me.”?

Yeah, I’m their biggest fan.

Really. Big women, small women, girls who read a lot, girls who exercise a lot, it doesn’t really “matter” per say because in the end, I know that I really do like them just being, well, themselves. It’s vague af compared to guys, and I apologize for that, but I lean more to guys, and girls wise, I’m more into the type of girl who can rock the world, and me, to the very core. So, when it comes to girls, I’m more submissive because I simply like girls who could really take me for a spin so to speak. (Plus I’m weak for women who could legit you know, suplex a guy.) 

Realistically, strong women, girls who have no problem with a little meat on their bones or rolls on their bodies (We all have em tbh), really romantic girls.

Like, Allura is a great example of the type of girl I’m into. She’s strong, she’s intellectual about the galaxy and in the world as a whole, but she’s got purpose. Make her chubby, and she’s still the same Altean princess who can kick ass. Make her buff, and she can literally squat using the Paladins. It doesn’t change that I’d admire her still.

Apologies if it’s not more defined...!

Non Binary: Really, I can’t say per say, but really, both genders apply too. Like, if you are big, small, tall or short, it doesn’t matter. I’d still love someone who’s confident in themselves. It’s hard really explaining my types, because, I have never really organized them, so much as think of them. But, I’ll still fall in love with your scars, your rolls, your arms, legs, everything some way or another. I really do pride myself over that fact, small as it may seem to some.

Being able to lift me over her shoulders and bench press me or squat is a huge af bonus point award for both / all genders tbh.

30. what is a piece of advice for people who may not be in a safe place to express their sexuality

Know you’re not alone!!!I CAN’T STRESS THIS ENOUGH!!!

Don’t be like me feeling icky because people told him being gay / bi was “Icky and sinful UwU”. Don’t be me who stayed up at night feeling like throwing up because I felt if I dreamed of falling in love with a man, I’d burn in hell. Don’t also ever feel guilty for looking at a guy or gal, and thinking, “Damn, I’d totally love to wake up in the morning next to them.”

(We can’t prove hell really exists, so, don’t also be indoctrinated to that idea either, kiddos.)

 And, don't ever feel that you are gross because you are different. Celebrate it instead and be you when you’re able to, even if it’s online only, or even alone only. Those small celebrations are what makes life worth it.

Also, do find others who are LGBT too, because it HELPS, even if they’re only allies, being able to talk about things are all you need to worry at times, you don’t have to be out, but to your friends who understand? That’s a big relief imo.

Also, because I’m in one myself rn, don't be afraid to subtly express yourself the way you want to. Fashion wise, it’s slightly easier, words, “eh”, but if that means you watching a good LGBT repping show at night with earbuds, don’t even think a second thought and you tell me how it was.

You watch those shows that make you happy, and you do the same, but make sure to always look over your shoulder, always have a tab on yourself, and never give into the pressures people place on you. Never give the pressures keeping you back any chance. Online may be a safe space for you, maybe, the only one there is, but know, later on in life, you will be free to finally be you, and when you do?

I’ll be so proud of you. So, if you can’t be yourself outside the computer, don’t fret over it. You’ve a right to vent out to someone, much less, a therapist or even on your blog, but do right to yourself. If that means cutting off some people, do it. If that means not supporting their beliefs, by all means.

+ Don’t ever, ever, ever try to deny yourself if you really know yourself. You are your best friend in that scenario, because if you’re like me, you don’t really have anyone else near you or in front of yourself. So take care of yourself. Mentally, physically, and spiritually. And do not ever think for one second that you don’t belong or you don’t deserve to exist or live because you feel you are comfortable with someone of the same gender, or because you feel you should be yourself but haven't had the opportunity to do so because of society / your parents / other toxic stuff. 

Instead, do your best, take it all in, cry if you can or want to when you’re alone, and push on and be the best fucking you there’ll ever be. Because honeys, if you can’t love yourself, who the hell is gonna love somebody else without some real self love? So be proud, be you on the inside, and keep on fighting till you’re away and ready to be you. You’re gonna be a wonderful person when you’re away from all this mess some day in the future. And I can’t wait to see the person you become / are, that day.